Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There was a moment of silence when the mirror turned off. Then Hammond cleared his throat, and they began making their way back through the SGC. Jack hesitated for barely a moment before joining them – and Sam hesitated just a moment longer. 

“You two looked pretty good together.”

Fucking Kowalski.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her look at him once. Then she squared her shoulders and turned with the rest of the team. She didn’t shoot him any more questioning looks or ask him to explain himself. She didn’t tease him or act surprised. He couldn’t even accuse her of awkwardly avoiding eye contact. She just turned and walked through the base like it was any other mission. Like he had seen her do a hundred times before at the end of a mission. 

Like she hadn’t just watched him kiss her. Other her. Another version of the same her. Her but not her.

He fucking hated alternate reality crap.

For a moment, he was baffled by her lack of response. But then again…

“How are you feeling about all of this… twin stuff?”

She smiled ruefully. “Do you have a few hours?”

He had paused, really not excited to jump from a very confusing, very emotional moment with one Carter to another very confusing, emotional moment with… another… her. But he did ask. “Yeah, I do,” he’d said hesitantly, because apparently, he’d do anything in his power to be there for any version of Sam.

She blinked at him, bemused. “That was my answer, sir.”

Right. Compartmentalization.

“Get yourself showered and changed. We’ll debrief in one hour,” said Hammond, dismissing them. 

The others dispersed too quickly to be an accident, leaving the two of them alone. Jack snuck a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to ask what was going through her mind right now. He wanted to ask if she was okay with what he did – if he’d crossed a boundary that he shouldn’t have, even though it wasn’t really her. 

“Carter.”

He wanted to ask if she’d be just as disappointed in him if he kissed her as her other self was.

She turned to face him, expression open, yet neutral. “Yes, sir?”

He wanted to ask her why she watched him do it. 

“I, uh…” 

She looked at him expectantly and, god, there had been a version of him that would find it perfectly natural to just reach out and cup her cheek right now. There was a version of her that wouldn’t be surprised if he did – who might even have expected it. He tried to keep that door firmly closed in his own mind, but now that he had to confront it, there was no question that he’d jump at the chance if his Carter wasn’t a Major. A Major under his command, no less. But Doctor-her was right the first time. He didn’t know her. He knew Major-her. They weren’t those people.

“The same face, the same voice. The same hands.”

God he really hated this alternate reality crap. He was going to give himself a headache. 

The two Carters even had the same smile when they laughed at him. It messed with his head a little to think that his Sam might look at him with the same open affection if she didn’t always duck her head when he made her laugh.

“Sir.”

This Sam, he reminded himself. Not his Sam.

“I just wanted to see if you were alright,” he told her. 

Sam was great at compartmentalization. That’s what her father had called it, anyway. She recognized it for what it was – shoving any inconvenient feelings into a box. Shoving that lid closed. Duct taping it closed. Sitting on the box and singing a jaunty tune so nothing in the box could be heard trying to get out.

She’d had plenty of practice with locking it up and feigning nonchalance at the end of a mission. And, when she watched Jack kiss a long-haired civilian version of herself through the mirror, there was no question that she’d have to do it again, even though her mind was swirling with questions. Most of them were old questions she hadn’t let herself dwell on. Some were new. Like What would it be like if it was her standing in front of him? Would he like it? Hate it? 

What was he thinking as he did it?

And most importantly: How was she going to wrestle this one back in the box?

What else could she do? Tease him about it? Nothing about it seemed particularly funny. She knew he felt the same – otherwise, he’d have already made a crack about that virus induced kiss from two years ago. 

Ask him why? What answer could she expect him to give? 

What answer could she give now?

She didn’t feign ignorance. Jack was too smart for that, anyway, damn him. Instead, she blew out a breath and said, “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay, sir.” She was surprised that she even meant it, a little bit. 

He looked troubled. “I’m sorry if I shouldn’t have, uh… If I made you uncomfortable.”

Sam shook her head. “You have nothing to apologize for.” Because he didn’t. Not really. 

“No?” he said uncertainly, before clearing his throat. “No. Right, I know, I just…” 

She let him trail off. “I can’t imagine what she was going through,” she said quietly. That sentence fell heavily between them, and she didn’t dare unpack it. “If you could give her some comfort…” 

But Jack shook his head. “I really don’t think I did.”

Sam frowned. “What do you mean?”

Jack just shrugged. “I wasn’t him.”

And she wasn’t her. There was too much there to even begin to parse. But she’d also seen… Well. She knew herself well enough to know one thing. 

“No, you weren’t,” she said, trying to choose her words carefully. “But you still tried to give her what she needed. As much as you could, anyway. I imagine that kindness…” was why she fell in love with you. “Helped. I don’t think she would have let herself be so vulnerable with you if it didn’t.” She tried to smile. “We Carters don’t cry all over just anyone. Even civilian Carters.”

He winced at the memory, to her amusement. 

You knew she was going to kiss you , she wanted to say. You chose to. It didn’t matter. Back in the box. 

“Kindness,” said Jack with a small smile and a shake of his head. “Yeah, I’m a real hero for…” he cleared his throat. “Anyway, I think I just made things worse. I think it was confusing for her.”

Sam’s lips quirked. “I don’t know. She’s a pretty smart woman.”

Jack snorted. “You think?”

She suppressed a smile at his response. “Listen, she knew you couldn’t bring her husband back no matter what you did. But by being there and just being you… I’m sure it felt like a lifeline. ” Sam swallowed hard, afraid she was dancing too close to the line. “I’m sorry if she asked too much.”

“No,” he said quickly, shaking his head. “Not too much.”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow at him and he looked almost offended. 

“Carter, she’d lost everything, so I let her cry on me a bit. She needed closure and I kissed her a bit. It wasn’t exactly a hardship. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“Oh,” she said, for lack of anything else to say. 

“I just mean,” he said, awkwardly, catching the implications a moment too late, “I’d hope any version of me out there would… y’know. Let you lean on them a little bit. If you needed.”

She bit her lip, touched and more than a little amused as he got more flustered. 

“Not that you would…” he gestured vaguely toward the room the mirror had been in. The room where she’d watched him kiss another Sam Carter. “I don’t mean…” He closed his eyes and blew out a breath. “I really didn’t make this less awkward, did I?”

She finally let herself smile fully, trying to ignore how he stared at her when she did. “Well, I’m more amused now than I was five minutes ago.”

“Well that’s something, at least,” he muttered. 

“If it helps, you’re probably the first person I’d look for if I found myself in an alternate universe. So, I hope the other yous would try to help me too.” Sam wasn’t entirely sure she’d meant to say that, but it was worth it for the way he blinked at her in pleased surprise. 

“Oh. Well thanks.” He considered it a moment. “Thor’s probably a better option.”

Sam smiled at him, the tension between them broken. “I suppose that’s true, sir.” She started to move down the hallway, ready to change before their debrief, before she paused and looked up at him. “Thor’s probably a better kisser, too.”

She saw his jaw drop before she brushed by him and continued down the hallway. “Very funny, Carter!” he called after her. 

Unbelievably, given the turmoil of a few minutes ago, she smiled to herself. 

Chapter Text

“This is the second world where you’re not part of the SGC, Daniel,” said Sam, as they sat around the table in the conference room. 

“The second one where you’re here as a civilian scientist, too,” Daniel returned.

“Both worlds got blown to hell by the Goa’uld, so I’m feeling pretty good about our life choices,” said Jack, fiddling with his coaster. He frowned in thought. “Think there’s a world where I’m not military?”

Sam shrugged. “If there’s an infinite number of worlds with infinite possibilities, I’m sure there are several.”

“Huh,” said Jack. “Wonder what I’m doing in them.”

“Oh, I’m sure there’s some supervisor somewhere whose life you’re making difficult,” said Hammond. 

Sam smiled. “You’re probably off saving people on your own, even without the military.”

Jack looked absurdly pleased. “Thanks, Carter.”

“I hope it’s for some other government agency, then,” said Daniel dryly. “I’m pretty sure the US government in any reality would frown on some civilian going around shooting at non-military-approved targets.” 

“Maybe I save people without a gun, Daniel ,” said Jack, petulantly. 

“How would that even work? You’d just throw rocks at the bad guys?” asked Sam

“Hey, I’m resourceful!” said Jack defensively. “Maybe I’d engineer some kind of distraction!” 

Sam snorted. “What are you going to do, make a smoke bomb out of shoelaces and a paperclip?”

Teal’c tilted his head. “I do not believe those materials would be effective, even as a distraction.”

“Thanks, T,” Jack muttered. 

“Maybe there’s a universe where you’re a scientist,” Sam teased. “Maybe you’re the scientist who contracts with the military.”

Jack looked so horrified at the thought Sam had to look away to stifle her laugh. When she looked back up, Jack’s eyes lingered on her.