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STOP WITH THE GODDAMN PUNS!!!! - RageBait Oneshot

Summary:

Chriscean Case and Finn Bailey are best friends. They do everything together. They even tell each other everything, well almost everything.

This is a ship, of course. I got sleepy towards the end so it's kinda crap but oh well. No one fucking cares it's not an award-winning novel

Work Text:

Shrimpo and Finn, 

 

It was clear these two had a very close relationship. An interesting relationship, at that.

 

Chriscean Case, or just Scean, was the second son of Rodger Case, the prestigious detective in Gardenview and through the nation, and he had problems.

Scean tended to over-exaggeratedly express his disdain for every single object in the world. He even hates a singular molecule of oxygen, and he definitely hates Finn Bailey, his supposed best friend.

Both 20 years old, Scean and Finn are university students. Finn is studying to becoming a marine biologist, he loves the sea and everything about it, especially the sea creatures. Scean just does general studies because he hates school and anything revolving it, he also hates his mother, Teagan, for persuading (and eventually forcing) him to attend university. 

 

If you asked another person in Gardenview to describe Finn,

 

“Finn? He’s a nice friend, helpful when you need extractors and gives little info dumps to lighten the room, but he really loves puns. Not just any puns, f i s h.” Sarina, a.k.a Scraps, is very familiar with Finn. She’s the babysitter for Scean’s younger sister Talia (and Scean), and Finn hangs out at their house often. 

 

Finn loves fish puns like they are his life’s only support.

“It’s at shrimp-le as that!”

 

“That wasn’t very clam-plicated!”

 

“Something fishy is going around here..”

 

The Case family has given up trying to rebuke the jokes, it was inevitable.

One day, they were doing a usual research run.

The others were interacting amongst themselves, most likely talking about the recent floor. Finn stood next to Gavin, Scean’s older brother. He realized he wasn’t talking to anyone, so he turned to him. “Hey Gavin, do you think I look so-FISH-ticated?”

Gavin grimaced slightly, then he just sighed. “Never say that to me again.”

 

Finn grinned. “Alright, it’s o-fish-ial, no more jokes with you again.”

 

“Someone get me OUT of this elevator!” Gavin shouted, hoping another would hear him but it seems they were too busy or no one bothered. 

 

“Oh my cod, calm down buddy!”

 

“SOMEONE OPEN THE DOOR TO THIS ELEVATOR. PLEEEASSEEE!!!!” Just as he wished, the elevator door had opened and Gavin got away as fast as he could not to hear another joke. 

 

Gavin only tolerated it because Finn was close to his family, especially Scean. He knew what those two had, even if Scean didn’t know himself. 

 

Finn even gave Scean the nickname “Shrimpo”, although unintentional. It was in middle school.

“Hey Scean! My dad took me to an aquarium yesterday, I got to see all kinds of fish!” Finn came up to Scean, gleeming with excitement. 

 

Scean frowned. “I HATE FISH!”

 

“What about shrimp?”

 

“SHRIMP AREN’T FISH, THEY’RE CRUSTACEANS!”

 

Finn gasped dramatically, his eyes widened and he smiled big, blushing. “You do listen to my facts!”

 

Scean’s frown grew deeper. How DARE he assumed he listens to his fact, even though he does?! “I HATE YOUR STUPID FACTS! I’D FORGET THEM IF I COULD!”

 

“Hey Scean, do you know what your name sounds like?”

 

“If it’s fish I’M GONNA HURT YOU.” 

 

“Chriscean? more like Crustacean !” Finn smirked proudly. “Like a shrimp—”

 

“OH, NO! I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU”

 

“Shrimp-oh…  SHRIMPO!!!” He hugged his friend tightly, ignoring his swears and threats to let him go. “It’s perfect!”

 

“I HATE YOU!” Scean’s facial expression couldn’t get more pissed off than it already was.

 

From that day on, Finn called him Shrimpo, then Gavin, then Talia, then his parents, and then the entirety of Gardenview knew Shrimpo.




Finn and Scean were hanging out in the lobby area of Gardenview, on the bench in front of Shelly’s elevator. Of course, Finn couldn’t have one conversation without a single fish pun included. Scean wore his studded bracelets today, he wasn’t supposed to since Rodger banned him from wearing them after they almost took Talia’s eye out, but Scean doesn’t care. 

 

“Hey Scean! I started to think you weren't coming for a second.” Finn waved at his approaching buddy, holding his marine biology book in hand. 

 

“I was searching my dad’s study to find my bracelets. I HATE WHEN HE HIDES MY THINGS!” Scean sat down angrily, pouting. 

 

“OHhhh, I sea what you did there!” Finn grinned at him. “He’s gonna krill you for that.” 

 

“STOP THE GODDAMN PUNS!! I HATE THAT STUPID FISH SHIT!” Scean shoved Finn away as he laughed.

 

“It’s always funny to see your reaction, Scean.”

 

“IT’S NOT FUNNY!” If he was any other person, Scean would’ve attacked him by now. He doesn’t want to do any harm to Finn, he’s not that bad of a person when he’s not telling those fucking fish jokes. Finn’s smart, he’s helpful, he’s kind, he always want to make others feel better. 

 

A familiar bubbly feeling rose in Scean’s chest, and he started panting heavily. GODDAMN IT, this is why he hates hanging around Finn, this has been happening too often. That stupid look on his face, stupid fucking Finn!

 

Finn sighed as he was finally relieved from his laughing fit. “Anyways, have you made any progress changing your study hall time?” He turned to his mate, who was unexpectedly staring at him. Scean’s face was red and his heart has beaiting so heavily you could hear it thumping. 

 

“Uhhh, Scean? You okay?”

 

“I’M FINE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE!” 

 

Finn just held up his thumbs and smiled awkwardly. Common occurrence between them, oh well.

 

“If you need a moment to calm down, I can walk away for a little bit.” He put his hand on Scean’s shoulder, of course Scean smacked his hand away. 

 

“AND GO THE FUCK WHERE? WE’RE STICKING TOGETHER, FISHBOWL HEAD!” Scean scowled at Finn, he wanted him to stay right there by his side. 

 

“Sheesh, that sounds like a load of carp coming from the person who has told me to die a million times.”

 

“I didn’t ask you any of that shit!”

 

“Are you shore about that, Shrimpo ?” Finn leans closer as he implored Scean to answer him truthfully. “You literally just asked me a question.”

 

“5 SECONDS BEFORE I BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF! IF YOU WANT TO DIE, YOUR FISH IS MY COMMAND!” Scean couldn’t resist the cocky smirk that grew on his face as he made the pun, Finn’s reaction was even more rewarding.

 

He burst out into snorky giggles, that was completely unexpected from Scean, and Finn was loving it. He was loving how he finally rubbed off on him, loving how he had that proud look on his face like he just did the best thing in the world. He loved him. Wait wha—

 

“That was a good one, Scean.” A few tears rolled down Finn’s face, when Scean noticed them he chuckled smugly. 

 

“Ha! I’m Scean, I’m the best at telling puns! Better than you !!”

 

“Oh please, you’re just fishing for compliments.” The two broke into laughter again, holding each other for support. It was legendary to see Scean not cussing someone out and having fun, but it was more common for him and Finn. They just get eachother. 

 

Scean opened his teary eyes to look at Finn, who was in the exact state he was in except more feral, holding his stomach. Then his heart starting beating heavily again. 

 

This literally just happened not even 5 minutes ago. But this was worse

 

Their faces were so close, Scean starting growing nervous.

 

“What the hell is wrong with me?!?

Now there’s the blush.

 

His hands started to shake, he couldn’t form any real sentences in his mind. Everything was Finn.

 

“FUCK!” Scean cried out loud. He aggresively grabs Finn by his collar, interrupting his laughter. 

 

“What??” He asks, out of breath.

 

“DON’T YOU KNOW YOU’RE THE STUPIDEST SHIT FACE I’VE EVER MET?! WHY DOES MY CHEST FEEL SO TINGLY AND MY FACE HOT?! STOP DOING THIS TO ME!” He shook him aggressively.

 

“Wait, Scean! I really make you feel tingly?” Finn looked at him with doe eyes, a smile started to grow on his face.

“...” Scean stared at him with the angriest face he’s ever made, giving no response. Why couldn’t he say anything? He’s Scean, Scean is never defeated!!

 

“It’s okay! You made me feel tingly, too.”

 

“Huh–”

 

“You’re one of the only people who tolerate my jokes, listens to my fish facts, and just overall gets me.” Finn nervously scratched the back of his head, his heart pace slowly began to increase. “I’ve been feeling like this for a while now..”

 

“I HATE WHEN PEOPLE KEEP THINGS FROM ME, YOU KNOW THAT!”

 

“I know, I know! Just calm down—”

 

“I FUCKING HATE YOU!” Scean smashed their lips together, catching Finn off guard. 

 

It was a brief kiss, Finn barely got time to react before Scean let go and run away.

 

“KILL YOURSELF, FINN BAILEY!” 

 

He just sat there, confused, but happy. Finn smiled, a big smile, and held his face. He looked like an absolute doof who was in love, well he was. 

 

Meanwhile, Gavin, Britney, Sarina, and Tessa stood in front of Dandy’s Shop, watching everything that happened.

 

Gavin sighs. “My brother is a goddamn dork.”

 

“I want my $50, Tessa.” Sarina turned to Tessa, grinning and holding her hand out proudly.

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