Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I promised to myself I’d become an idol—that I’d deliver hope to people everywhere.

What happened to that…?!

Ena smiled warmly at Airi, both of them checking their emails and any other methods of contact furiously. The two had auditioned for multiple agencies, and were waiting and hoping for news of acceptance. For the longest time, the two had dreamed of pursuing such a dream together—and this could be the moment it could become a reality. Even if they remained separate in their careers, they’d be friends forever, and always support one another, no matter what it took.

That wouldn’t always be the case.

Airi is the first to receive an offer, a gasp spilling from her lips as her phone lights up.

darlindiva’s ena shinonome on hiatus, fans report

Ena felt like she couldn’t do anything but sit and be upset, agitated at everything. All the things she’d worked so tirelessly for had been torn away from her in just a moment. And the news of her departure from the group she had built her entire career off of certainly didn’t take very long at all to spread. She tossed her phone against the edge of her bed and balled her hands into fists, resting them on her lap.

It wasn’t a hiatus. She’d been removed from the group. It was just a pleasant way of putting it while they searched for her replacement. She couldn’t figure out the reason for her removal. She had performed with her whole heart, putting forth every shred of effort in any given show or practice session. She was fairly popular among fans, as well. Ena didn’t get it. She didn’t even know who’d be taking her spot, which is what bothered her the most. As much as she dreaded it, she’d been checking social media and news articles all morning.

Her phone buzzes once more against her mattress, and she lets out a slow exhale as she reaches for it once again. To her surprise, it’s not the comment of a fan. It’s…a post. From darlindiva’s official account. She hesitantly hovers over the notification for a moment before tapping it.

The words on the screen feel like they’re crushing her heart into a million pieces.

please welcome QT’s airi momoi to darlindiva!

Airi. Airi would be joining darlindiva in her place. Airi, who had sparked her interest in becoming an idol, who’d promised they’d do so together. They’d promised to support each other the whole way, even if they couldn’t stay in touch. This was the opposite of support, in Ena’s mind. No matter how much she tries to reason with herself, she feels so angry. Envy and hurt overtakes every sense, and she feels her hands trembling as she navigates to Airi’s profile.

The first thing there is a video, of course. It’s a sort of announcement video for darlindiva. A short clip of Airi in a dressing room, addressing the change. She’s just as cheerful as ever.

“Hi everyone!! Hoping your day is just as happy and lovely as usual so far! Just wanted to update you all—I’ll be joining darlindiva as a new member! While I’m sad to leave QT behind, I’m so excited for this new opportunity, and I hope you all are too! Please keep offering me your support.”

The video repeats, and Ena decides one cycle of it is more than enough for her. She locks her phone and switches it on silent as an unbearable mix of feelings swirl in her chest to an almost painful degree.

Maybe she just needs fresh air.

She hardly realizes that time has blurred between when she’d prepared to leave and as she arrives at a café. It’s a place she believes she’s only been to a couple of times—it’s in an area she rarely visits. She’s immediately greeted with a small bell’s chime as she opens the door, and the smell of coffee drifts through the air. The café was pretty busy, filled with people talking excitedly with one another. Ena reads over the menu, noticing the title of the café—WEEKEND GARAGE, as two waitresses step behind the counter, talking with one another. One is obviously doing the speaking—a girl with dark hair that’s blue in certain areas and amber eyes, along with various accessories. The other is listening patiently—another girl with dark hair and pale blue eyes.

“And so I told them they should just—”

The one speaking abruptly grows silent at the sight of Ena. Ena just stares back, too drained to manage a proper response to the increasingly awkward interaction. The blue-eyed girl nudges the other, and the other waitress seems to return to her senses. Ena finds her nametag—An.

“O—oh!” An stammers, laughing. “Welcome to WEEKEND GARAGE. Sorry, zoned out—this time of day, you know…my name’s An. What can we get started for you?”

Ena’s eyes drift back up to the menu before returning to the girl.

“A slice of cheesecake,” she replies. An nods and taps something on the computer.

“Alright! Could I get your name for the order?”

“…Ena Shinonome.”

The waitress seems to freeze up again, and her friend seems to look similarly surprised, but not as starstruck as An was. Ena can’t find it within herself to care very much—she’d usually take more care in disguising herself when she went out in public, but she figured it didn’t really matter today. She’d be talked about regardless.

“…Right,” An says cautiously, typing into the computer. A total shows up, and Ena pays as Ichika slides her order to her across the counter. There’s a lingering silence for a moment, as the three stare at each other, before Ena accepts it and walks off. An sighs and buries her head in her hands as soon as Ena disappears from the counter.

“Jeez…that was so embarrassing,” An mumbles. Ichika comes to stand next to her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“She’ll probably forget all about it in a couple of hours,” Ichika says, in an attempt to reassure her very flustered coworker and friend. She lifts her eyes to the idol, who’s now settled down at a table. She takes note of her expression—while she certainly wasn’t as much of an expert as An was, Ena appeared much different from the seemingly perpetually cheerful idols shown on television. “She…doesn’t look very happy.”

“Yeah…well, she’s on hiatus, apparently,” An says, lifting her head up once more. Ichika’s eyes widen.

“Really?”

“Mhm. I’ve seen a lot of articles on it.” An replies, nodding. “She’s being replaced. They’ve already found a new member, apparently.”

“…Well,” Ichika says quietly. “If…if she’s not going to be making any public appearances for a while, maybe you should talk to her?”

The two are both silent as they watch Ena idly browse through her phone, the cheesecake entirely untouched next to her. Ichika lets out a small sigh, looking over at An again.

“I’ll come with you, if it makes you feel better,” she murmurs.

“Really?!” An exclaims, perhaps a bit too loudly. She grins and tugs Ichika along with her, the latter flinching as she’s grabbed and pulled away from the counter. A large group exits the café, and it’s not a very busy morning, so this leaves the three mostly alone in the large dining area. The two waitresses stop in front of the idol’s table, and An suddenly finds herself at a loss for words. Ena just stares up at them wordlessly.

“I’m a really big fan of yours,” An finally says.

“Yeah. You said that while I was ordering,” Ena replies. She regrets how sharply it comes out.

“W-well…” An stutters. She struggles with her wording for a few moments before she just sighs. “I’ve always wanted to be an idol. And I’m working really hard to become one, but…you inspired me.”

Ena’s expression softens, genuinely surprised to hear such a thing. She’d heard similar statements of appreciation from other fans, but…someone who was actually motivated to pursue becoming an idol because of her? That was new. It’s something she’d never expected to hear, but…it causes some strange feeling to fill her heart.

“…Really?”

An nods enthusiastically. “I’ve been performing and liking music since forever, since my dad’s a big local musician, but—it wasn’t until after I’d seen a clip of darlindiva somewhere online that I really knew what I wanted to do. You just…have such a great voice, too. I’ve always wished I could sing like you,” An continues, going on and on. She doesn’t know if she can stop—this is someone so influential to her, and she’s been given the opportunity to speak to her. She’s not going to waste it. She falls silent as Ena lifts her hand slightly, a signal she’d like to speak.

“If you want to become an idol…then you should chase after it with everything you have,” Ena says. “But…be prepared. It’s…not what you’re going to expect it to be.”

The idol’s phone buzzes, interrupting her. She expects it to be another notification, and huffs as she turns her phone over. To her surprise…she finds a music file. This piques her interest immediately—she hasn’t been listening to anything.

“…Untitled?” she reads aloud. She presses the play button, and suddenly, a bright light erupts from her phone and envelops the room.

When Ena regains her sight…she knows she is most certainly not in WEEKEND GARAGE. Laid out before her is a futuristic-looking room, almost indescribable except for that of a lobby of a video game or ripped from the pages of a science fiction novel.

…Where…is she?

An and Ichika endure a similar fate, both appearing in the same place only a few moments after Ena had arrived. An is the second to regain her senses, blinking a couple of times before finding Ena once more.

“…E—Ena? What’s going on?” the usually confident girl stammers. Ena opens her mouth to reply, but is silenced by the sound of footsteps clicking against the floor and coming up behind the trio.

“Nice to see the three of you here,” an unfamiliar voice calls. Ichika is the last to recover her senses. When she finally does, she lifts her head to the source of the voice. Her eyes widen.

“…Miku?!” she exclaims. The girl behind them gives a smug smile and offers a hand to help her up. Ena can only stare in confusion. Miku…? She didn’t know a lot about it, but wasn’t that that one virtual singer?

“You look a bit different from the Miku I know,” Ena says.

The virtual singer just lets out a small laugh in response, twirling a strand of her hair with one finger. “Ah, I’m not quite who you think I am. Well—I am, just a different version. This is your SEKAI, a world formed from your feelings—so it makes sense we’re all a little personalized to you.”

Before the opportunity for questions is given, Miku turns to leave, gesturing for the three to follow her. They exchange a glance before obeying, following closely behind as she leads them through a hallway to a set of double doors. They slide open, and a turntable is visible inside. Sitting not far from it is an oddly familiar blonde boy in blue clothing.

“Len,” Miku calls. “You’ve got company.”

The other virtual singer raises his head in surprise, but an energetic grin comes to his face as he stands and rushes over. “Ah, no way!!” he exclaims with a smile. An and Ena are even more confused now. They both share the thought that they must be hallucinating, but Ichika just looks completely starstruck. Miku smiles, turning to walk away. However, Ichika grabs her arm lightly. The virtual singer freezes and looks at her, and Ichika seems to freeze just as much.

“…A…ah…” Ichika mumbles, releasing her arm as her confidence withers. she pauses, and then shakes her head. “I’m sorry. but…I really can’t believe this is happening. I’ve been a miku fan ever since I was little, and you’re what inspired me to want to become an idol, as silly as it might sound.”

Miku is surprised at the confession, but her expression softens. Her playful and smug demeanor drops in favor of a more genuine one. She nods.

“Then, Ichika…hold those feelings close to your heart,” Miku says softly, lifting the girl’s hand to her chest. Ichika’s hand is trembling in Miku’s, but she lifts her gaze, and nods. With that, Miku smiles and releases her hand, turning back to the rest of the group.

“Now, as I was saying. this place is your SEKAI. A world from your feelings. There’s supposed to be…one more of you, but I guess we can hold off on that for now. Anyway…when you discover your true feelings, they’ll make a song. Got that?”

The three girls blink at her, and she places a hand on her hip and shakes her head in frustration. Len laughs and comes to stand next to her. “It’s a lot to take in. But, just think—”

There’s a slight flicker in the lights, and Miku lifts her eyes. “Ah…guess we’re running out of time,” she sighs. “Well, catch you all some other time, then. If you need us, you know where to find us.”

“Nice meeting you all!” Len waves.

“W-wait!” Ichika calls, but it’s too late. That light passes over them again, carrying them back to WEEKEND GARAGE. The three stand there awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to make of that entire experience. Ena is the one to break the silence, tucking her phone back into her purse.

“Well,” she says. “Thanks for the cheesecake.”

“We’re…we’re sorry for causing so much trouble for you,” Ichika says quietly. Ena shakes her head.

“It’s not a problem,” the idol shrugs. “I pressed play on that song, after all.”

“…Do you guys really believe in that stuff they said?” An asks. “About…our true feelings, and all that.”

A few moments of silence hang over the café.

“I’m…I’m not sure,” Ichika finally says. “But…I mean it, about wanting to be an idol. And—that other person…if they share that dream, then…I want all of us to find it together.”

“Yeah! Count me in.”

The two look towards Ena.

She averts her gaze, and exits the café. 

Chapter Text

Airi smoothed out the hot pink uniform she’d been provided, finding it to fit rather snugly as compared to her QT costume. That did seem to be darlindiva’s aesthetic, though, didn’t it…? A little more mature and stylish, whereas QT fit more into the stereotypical “cute” idol niche…

Perhaps that’s why she had been so surprised by the offer. And despite her conflict about it…breaking away from QT had been something she’d pondered. Being able to break away from the pre-established cuteness and energy, being able to—

“Airi,” one of her new teammates called impatiently, yet with a slight exhaustion in her voice, from outside the door. “Are you ready? This promo shoot’s not gonna take itself…”

“Ah—yeah, yeah,” Airi replied, quickly collecting her things without another glance to the mirror. When she exited, the other girl looked at her quizzically.

“Uh…you may wanna fix the bow in the front,” she giggled. Airi blinked and looked down to the bow on the chest area of her dress, a bit surprised by the sloppily tied excuse for a bow. The other girl—Yui, she had recalled, guided her to the more general gathering room and sat her down in a chair. The rest of the group was seated, all either idly scrolling on their phones or fixing final aspects of their makeup.

“I’m, like, so glad to see someone new,” Yui shrugged, reaching for the bow to re-tie it. “I mean…new, but with experience. It’s such a drag to have to teach someone who’s a complete newbie.”

“I know, right,” another chimed in, looking up from her phone. “I mean…I bet it’s still gonna be a bit of a learning curve, having such a complete style switch…I think you can handle it, though.”

Airi smiled awkwardly, feeling another tug on the ribbon. She wasn’t sure how else to respond, figuring opting for silence may be the best option in this circumstance.

“Yeah, Ena was kind of starting to piss me off,” Yui sighed, straightening out the ribbon. “She thinks she knows like, everything. This is her first group. Who the fuck does she think she is?”

“…That’s—” Airi whispered, before being cut off by the laughter of the other group members.

“Right? Remember when she found out she was getting replaced? She screamed like a little bitch, like we were the ones who kicked her out…”

The giggles continue. Airi tries to force a chuckle out of herself, but every one feels like thorns digging into her throat. She knows it’s not right. She knows silence isn’t right, either. Yet—

“Come on,” a voice from outside calls. All of the members groan impatiently, and Yui finishes tying the ribbon. She taps the side of Airi’s face playfully.

“You’ll do great,” she reassures her, rising and gesturing for her to follow. Airi uneasily follows, the knot in her stomach growing to the point of near nausea.

Her steps are unsteady as she wanders out into the spotlight once more, the flickers of cameras filling her vision. She finds herself with a somewhat awkward expression, before feeling a light jab at her side. Yui glances at her from the corner of her eye, emphasizing her own smile before looking back to the cameras. Airi takes a moment to readjust.

It’s just a picture. She smiles.

new era of darlindiva begins with new member, airi momoi

following the announcement of a hiatus for former member ena shino—

Ena can’t look at the news article for more then a second. She locks her phone, her other hand clenching forcefully around a pillow. She’d done so much for this job, and to be so effortlessly replaced. The outcry of fans had lasted for maybe a day before people were obsessing over Airi, Airi, Airi.

Not being an idol anymore would have been enough on its own. But this sting was one she couldn’t handle. Her eyes burned with jealous tears and she squeezed them shut, willing the thoughts away. She was so sick of seeing it. The brief snapshot of the photo, how Airi fit in so effortlessly with her past group members. Even in a group of a completely different style, Airi managed to fit in. Airi managed to be the perfect fit.

Airi, Airi, Airi.

“This is so stupid—!!” She cried, tossing her phone into the pillow. She’d tried to silence herself, but the need to release the anger and envy bubbling up within her became more and more like a physical pain, an itch she had yet to scratch. Yet, it didn’t seem to do anything much, as she collapsed into tears shortly after. She buried her head into one of her pillows, trying to muffle her shaky breath.

I am better, she protested to herself. I will always be better. I’m just not the right fit.

…Perhaps she didn’t need them, anyway. Perhaps she didn’t fit with anyone but herself, and that was perfectly fine. She was still good at what she did.

She was an idol, she insisted to herself. She was an idol, and she was a good one at that. Ena wiped her tears roughly and rose from her bed, instead moving to her computer. She went through the motions of setting up a stream. Clearly it’d attract some attention—people had to be curious.

“qna + chat w/ me! — enanan ♡”, it was quickly titled, with an introductory social media post following afterward. She turned on the camera, flashing a bright smile. The view count remained stagnant at zero.

“Hey, everyone,” Ena says enthusiastically, disregarding the failure. It was the beginning. There was time. “Thanks for tuning in!”

Zero.

“I thought I’d take a sec to address any fan concerns, since I’m going through a kind of…transitional period, you know?”

Zero.

“S…so,” she stammered. “If you have any questions, feel free to send a message.”

Zero.

She stared blankly at the screen with that same smile in place, looking out to no audience. Her eye twitched as she watched the number remain unchanged.

Her phone buzzed, and she cautiously navigated to putting up a “be right back!” screen on the stream as she checked the notification.

id273

just log off bro 😭😭 on everyones souls nobodys watching that shit

Ena immediately felt the rush of anger that compelled a response, but restrained herself. It was a single comment from someone who meant nothing in comparison. She turned her webcam back on with a smile.

“Sorry!” She replied, setting her phone down out of the camera’s frame. “Technical difficulties. I haven’t hosted a stream since, like…jeez, forever ago. I mean, I’ve been on a couple, but…”

Her eyes drifted to the views. Zero.

Ena’s eyes grew dull. She became wordless as she simply stared. The edges of her eyes burned with impatience, yet she remained still and silent.

Finally, she smiled.

“…Nice to see you all. Take care.”

She switched off the webcam.

Chapter Text

The bells of WEEKEND GARAGE rang, the door seeming to open a little more forcefully. An finished placing drinks on a tabletop before lifting her head to greet the new customer.

“Oh, hey! Welcome in—”

An quickly recognized the girl who’d entered as Ena. Her eyes widened and she had to regain balance of the tray, even with it being recently emptied. The idol came towards her, seeming awfully determined about something.

“E-Ena?” She stammered. “What’s—”

“You said you want to be an idol,” Ena interjects, a question that comes more like a statement. An nods slowly at first, and then vigorously once the sentence sets in. Ena exhales and continues.

“Then let me train you.”

An is taken aback by the offer. She casts a cautious glance around the cafe, and then hurries Ena closer to the counter and speaks a bit more softly.

“You’re…you’re joking, right?” An asked. Ena shook her head.

“No. There’s no way you’re gonna make it as you’re doing it now, in such a casual way,” Ena explained. “So I want to help.”

An’s face lit up, and she clutched the tray close to her chest.

“No way…” she smiled. “Being trained by Ena Shinonome…I’ve gotta tell Ichika!!”

Ena opens her mouth to reply, but An has already raced off to her friend, who waits tables further within the cafe. An grabs Ichika’s shoulder and spins her to face in Ena’s direction, speaking to her excitedly. Ichika stares at Ena, a certain fear and shock in her eyes at the sight of the idol.

Ena makes a note to herself of that hesitance. Nevertheless, she nods.

“Great,” she says. “Let’s get started.”

“One-two, spin, one—no. Stop.”

The two amateurs both paused in their steps, taking the opportunity to draw in what little air proved itself available to them. Ena exhaled, trying to keep her patience about her.

“Sorry. I don’t mean to put you to work so hard after your actual job,” she said. An looked up, raising a hand to wave it off.

“Nah, it’s—”

“But you’re never going to get anywhere with this little endurance. So keep going. This is like basic warmups for regular idols. Five, six, seven, eight—”

An and Ichika both reluctantly resumed in the steps they’d been taught. Ena monitored them closely, keeping time for them but also for her own sake as she watched. This was a dance combo from an audition she’d done towards the beginning of her career. She remembered each and every step, each and every detail put into each movement. What appeared so simple was intricately crafted, and it accepted no less than what it had been created to be.

The two of them both performed the same pair of steps in vastly different ways. Despite how Ena corrected them both, she considered An to be quite the talented performer already. There was the perfect balance of energy and control in her movements, and she seemed to be at home with dancing. Ichika, on the other hand, lacked all of these traits. She grew easily exhausted, and her movements were uncoordinated and awkward, though it was clear she was putting large amounts of effort in.

The recollection of her own experiences with first learning this combo plagued her. She felt the ache in her joints, each having constantly stretched and strained and overworked themselves to try and perfectly imitate the example, her desperation to earn the job overpowering each physical sensation. Even as she stood next to her best friend, dancing next to her in an action which was supposed to relieve the both of them, full of enjoyment, her envy and craving for success overtook her:

Ena saw something in Ichika’s eyes—a want. A want that blocked out each sensation, beyond her exhaustion and struggle. Her eyes flitted between the struggling girl and her partner, who seemed to effortlessly move through the pattern. Surely, it—

The black-haired girl tipped forward, collapsing. An exclaimed in surprise, kneeling to aid her. Ena’s eyes widened, her thoughts interrupted.

“Ichika!” An pleaded. “Are you ok?!”

The other girl lifted her head, breathing heavily. She looked to An, conflicting emotions passing through her gaze. Finally, she nodded.

“…Y…yeah. I’m okay.”

“Ena—!!”

Ena’s vision blurred and refocused, the head of pink in front of her disappearing in a wave of mental fog. She felt it grow more distant as she was pulled away, and in her fading consciousness she heard the music begin again.

After all of the work she had put in, going above and far beyond, it still resulted in this.

Airi still got to stay. Airi still got to dance. 

She felt a deep bitterness, but submitted to her exhaustion.

Ena had long left the two other girls behind, vowing to continue such things another time. It was a shallow promise, she knew—some sense of guilt filled her at the action.

She cast a careful glance to her cellphone, the memory of that ever so odd place crossing her thought pattern. It’d be nice to get away for a moment, after the blend of emotions that surged from the events of both this day and recent days.

Ena finally scrolled to Untitled, and pressed play. It’d only be a minute. Just to get away.

A warmth and a swarm of light washed over her. She opened her eyes, expecting to find the same environment as previously.

Only, as she did, a certain pink-haired girl stood, and met her eyes with shock and fear.