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Roy had always loved the snow. Back in Central the stuff was only magical for a few minutes. There never was a lot of it, hardly a dusting at best, and the second it touched the ground it seemed to become gray and sludgy. Central was mostly cold in the winter with a wind that snuck around corners biting through his coat, turning his nose more red than the girls’ lipstick.
Out at Hawkeye Manor, they got proper snowfalls. They were something out of the books he’d read or paintings he’d seen. He’d go to bed and then wake up the next morning to an entirely new world unlike anything he’d ever seen. The landscape transformed into swathes of white, everything underneath mostly unrecognizable. It had charmed him instantly, igniting something giddy inside him, something childish that felt much younger, even if he was only thirteen to begin with.
He’d learned pretty quickly that it was much more fun to look at than to experience. If he thought it was cold in Central, the snow weighed down the world with its frozen piles, and there weren’t any buildings to block out the wind. The trek into town took ages, so he felt largely trapped inside the manor. The few times he’d let himself play in the snow when Master Hawkeye gave him time off, he’d soaked himself to the bone, and that was the coldest he’d ever felt in his life. Miss Hawkeye hadn’t been able to hide her mirth, but she’d made him tea and found him some extra blankets all the same. He wanted to learn flame alchemy at that moment just so he could feel warm again.
It had been a long winter, the longest he could remember at least. But, this storm was supposedly the last of the season. Miss Hawkeye had told him as much. Well, “told” was a strong word. He’d heard her grumbling under her breath that there’s always one last one. They’d seen grass just the day before with nearly all the snow gone. If her muttering was anything to go by, just when they believed they were in the clear, that’s when the last storm would hit.
He hoped she was telling the truth because he always felt horribly guilty whenever she pulled on as many warm clothes as she could before trekking into the forest to find dinner for them. He found it so cold, and she’d be out there for a couple hours at a time hunting down rabbits, squirrels, and who knows what kind of meat. He definitely didn’t ask. He wouldn’t consider himself a picky eater, but some things were better left eaten with Miss Hawkeye’s expert preparation than asked about what animal they came from.
That morning, as she stalked out the door, was the last he’d seen of the very serious girl before she’d disappeared into the cover of trees. Even at ten – almost eleven , she once snapped at him – she was braver than him. He didn’t know how to shoot a gun, how to skin an animal, how to make half the foods she did, or really any of it. Miss Hawkeye was in a league of her own when it came to surviving and taking care of herself. It impressed him and made him sad at the same time for reasons he couldn’t put into words.
Roy wondered if all alchemists were as caught up in their research as Master Hawkeye. Roy knew he was susceptible to getting sucked into research when he was really interested in what he was studying. But he didn’t have a house, bills, or a whole daughter to take care of like Master Hawkeye. Kids were supposed to get caught up in the things they liked, that’s what his Aunt told him. Riza didn’t seem to enjoy anything she was doing, while Master Hawkeye spent all his time surrounded by his studies. Roy didn’t like it, but he couldn’t be choosy about his teacher. Not many people were willing to take on random boys full time like this, and Roy didn’t want to go back to little lessons and being bored to death learning things he’d already taught himself outside of school.
Master Hawkeye wasn’t doing much teaching that day, however. Miss Hawkeye had gone out to hunt just as Roy finished his breakfast. He’d gone to his Master’s study only for a dusty tome to be thrust in his arms and the door shut inches from his nose. It hardly rattled him now, nine months into his apprenticeship. Master Hawkeye did this sort of thing fairly often. If he felt he was close to a breakthrough, Roy became as much of an afterthought as his daughter always seemed to be.
He flipped through the book with a blanket draped over his shoulders like a cloak, sitting close enough to the fireplace that if Miss Hawkeye came in, she’d snap at him about catching fire. Roy even put two pairs of socks on. They bunched up around his toes and heels, but it was better than letting the cold sink in. The Manor was so large but empty; it seemed impossible to feel warm – unlike the bar filled with his sisters and patrons alike, always making him walk around his room barefoot or in a t-shirt no matter how deep into winter they were. But all of this would be worth it if he could become a state alchemist and earn enough money to help his Aunt and help other people with his abilities. All the frozen fingers and toes would be worth it in the end.
Roy struggled to keep engaged in the book. It was properly challenging, which he loved about his apprenticeship. He never felt like he was learning mind numbingly basic things. The book should have been fine, but Miss Hawkeye had been gone for several hours by now.
Miss Hawkeye had been fun to watch since he first arrived because she lived her life in patterns, and Roy liked finding patterns. He enjoyed connecting the dots as much as a good mystery, and Riza Hawkeye was both . She was kind but also sharp with him. Roy assumed she had to be very smart. She knew so much and whenever she wasn’t working, she had her nose in a book, enough books to make his head spin, but her father acted like she was positively stupid. Miss Hawkeye kept to her chores with a rigid sense of duty that was nearly militaristic for a father so wholly against that sort of thing, and Roy had never met someone so organized in his life.
Yet, little moments would surprise him, like when he saw her smile the first time. He was just shy of his thirteenth birthday, and he’d been surly with so little human interaction, even if the weather outside had been nothing but cheery. He’d been looking out the window as he read on the technique of crafting a perfect circle, and he saw Riza at work in her garden. She’d been at it for a few hours, much like he had been, though she certainly had better focus on her task. He’d just finished several pages and had come up for air, looking out the window to see Miss Hawkeye as she sat up straight herself. She tilted her head back, so her face was in the sun, and she smiled. It wasn’t anything like he’d seen from his Aunt or sisters. It was soft and filled with this sense of joy he hadn’t seen from her since he’d arrived. It was the first time he’d seen her happy, and even though he tried not to get in her way, he always hoped he’d see it again.
When she went out to hunt, she normally kept it to two or three hours at a time. He’d noticed now that it was so cold, she often took even less time. He looked at the clock on the mantle noting it had been closer to four hours that she’d been outside. Miss Hawkeye was almost completely silent in most things, but Roy had learned to listen for her. If Master Hawkeye wouldn’t keep an eye on her, then he would. Everyone deserved someone who’d look after them.
His stomach twisted with the realization of the time she’d been gone. His imagination had always been overactive, much to his Aunt’s dismay, with nightmares and elaborate play scenes constructed in their small living room. Now, it ran wild with what might have happened to Miss Hawkeye. She was so little, not that she would ever take kindly to him saying so. But she was . She was still several inches shorter than him, and he wasn’t winning any height competitions to his disappointment.
He didn’t like the idea of her being stuck outside. She might have gotten hurt. She might have been mauled by something bigger than a rabbit. Roy didn’t know what was out in the woods. There could be bears and wolves and children-eating deer. He didn’t know! Even worse, maybe she’d been taken by some man, but she did have a gun… Still, Roy wouldn’t look the other way. Someone was possibly in danger, and how could he claim he wanted to help people if he ignored something directly under his nose like this?
Roy placed his book on the table by the window, tucking his blanket cloak closer around his shoulders. He peeked out the chilly glass, watching the snow come down. It wasn’t sticking, much like his days in Central, so he wouldn’t be able to use footprints to find Miss Hawkeye. He’d be going in blind out there, without any knowledge of the woods or where Miss Hawkeye typically went on her trips. She’d likely call him an idiot if he did find her, but Roy had already made up his mind, and anyone who’d known him for a fraction of a second knew that when he made up his mind, it wasn’t often unmade.
He wouldn’t just go out without a plan, however. Roy could have just rushed out into the woods, but that would almost certainly put Miss Hawkeye in a bad mood when he found her or she came home to discover he was gone. So, he began with searching throughout the Manor as quietly as possible to not disturb his Master, and once he’d determined Miss Hawkeye was, in fact, still missing, he worked on his method of attack. It was cold, and he’d do her no good if he froze up before even finding her. He bundled up with his warm coat he’d fussed with his Aunt about wearing, two pairs of gloves, another pair of socks, and a hat that covered his ears and fell into his eyes. After his warmth was guaranteed, he thought about all the possibilities. Miss Hawkeye might be hurt, so he shoved a roll of gauze out of the kitchen’s first aid kit, which she kept well stocked, in his pocket. She might also be hungry, so he filled his other pocket with snacks that wouldn’t get squished. It wasn’t much, but she’d been gone for hours . He wouldn’t want to handle anyone who’d missed a meal, his sisters got downright vicious without a snack.
Finally, on the threshold, Roy opted to grab a blanket that typically laid on the back of an old rocking chair that he’d always imagined felt out of place in the house. It seemed too cozy, too personal amid a nearly empty house. Sometimes, he wondered if it was Miss Hawkeye’s mother’s chair and blanket. He knew nothing about the woman, other than she must have existed at some point or else Miss Hawkeye wouldn’t .
No use dwelling on that now. Miss Hawkeye – maybe – needed his help. There was no time to waste on past mysteries when one was unraveling in front of him. He darted into the cold, his muscles instantly clenching. While the Manor hadn’t been warm, he couldn’t deny the effect that walls had against wind. The idea that Miss Hawkeye had been out in this all the while made him even more concerned. This wasn’t the kind of weather that someone could spend hours and hours in, especially since her coat was much less warm than his. Had she even been wearing gloves? If she wanted to admonish him for coming after her, then he would give it right back to her for not taking safety measures for herself. He’d been admonished enough in his life to know what it sounded like. He wasn’t used to being the one with any authority, but he thought he might be good at it. In fact, if he wanted to be a State Alchemist, he’d better learn how to admonish properly.
A soldier wouldn’t let the cold keep him from his mission or from saving someone on his team, so Roy pushed on through the wind and snow into the forest. As he tried looking through the slit between his hat and the fully buttoned collar of his coat, Roy wondered at his own thought process in this moment. He’d called Miss Hawkeye his teammate. She didn’t seem like the kind of person who wanted to be on a team. Then again, what team had she had the chance to be on before him? Her father was the most solitary person Roy had ever met, and that didn’t bode well for Miss Hawkeye to get to interact with others. He had a couple of friends in Central, but no one he felt too close with. They didn’t really understand the boy obsessed with alchemy who didn’t quite look like them. It made making friends difficult, probably similar to a girl whose mother died and father never left his home.
If he found her, he’d make more of an effort to be a team with her. Two people could be a team easily. They would be a dynamic duo, a pair! Partners – no, not that one. That was something that felt too grown up. Roy wanted to be a grown up so he’d be taken seriously, but that kind of grown up thing he had no interest in, even if it was all his sisters ever talked about. But being a team was something he knew they could do. Miss Hawkeye was smart and good at just about anything she tried. He wondered if she’d ever tried alchemy. He thought with Master Hawkeye as her father and all the books she read, she would’ve been really good at it. It was just another thing on the long list of what he’d never thought to ask her. That wasn’t fair of him. He should get better about being a good friend before getting scared that he might lose that person.
“Miss Hawkeye!” He called. The words were devoured by snow and wind. He got a mouthful of both, too.
Yelling wouldn’t do him any good, but he needed to do something. What would Miss Hawkeye do? That was a silly question; he hadn’t the slightest idea because he’d never done anything like this with her before. She might have left a trail, like broken twigs or muddy boots on the ground, but the twigs seemed too loud and nothing on the ground looked like a boot. She was light on her feet, it seemed. Even in the woods, she would be.
Idiot . She’d have to be quiet to not scare off the animals. He hoped she wasn’t tracking something big that he’d scare away; nothing about his footsteps was light, and he was too bundled up to be able to avoid sticks. Maybe that’d mean she wouldn’t accidentally shoot him. That’d be just his luck.
Roy wandered further into the forest despite this, his hope in finding Miss Hawkeye quickly dwindling. Nothing jumped out at him, and he couldn’t see her anywhere. If she was crouching in bushes or a tree, he’d never spot her, but he doubted she would be. The further he went into the wilderness, the colder he got. The wind whipped around the trees, seeming to find the perfect places to slap at him. He was shivering all the way down to his toes – three socks be damned.
The sky had already spent the day a gloomy gray, but now it was quickly darkening into night. If he didn’t find her soon, they’d likely both be stuck out there. Or, she might already be back at the Manor wondering where the hell he went. He didn’t think that was true. Miss Hawkeye had caught him stealing fruit out of the bowls she’d collected that summer when she’d been across the room. Her eyes were like a hawk’s. The thought made him laugh, even in the cold, even as it took on a nervous twinge not knowing where she was or where he’d gotten himself.
He took a step forward, bargaining with himself about taking only fifty more steps before going back to regroup. Unfortunately, the ground beneath him had a different plan. He let out a decidedly not manly scream as the ground gave way into a pit he hadn’t seen in front of him with all the wool and snow in his eyes. His not manly scream became even more girly as he slid through the mud and barrelled into something solid. It took him longer than it probably should have to realize that this scream hadn’t come from him but Miss Hawkeye, who he’d managed to slam into within this hole he’d crashed into.
“What the hell? ” Riza hissed, pushing herself away from him and into a wall of mud. There was hardly even two feet of space between them.
Roy felt bewildered from his fall, but all his limbs still seemed perfectly intact, which was nice. “What are you doing down here?”
Miss Hawkeye gave him the most incredulous look. “What do you think ? I fell down the hole just like you.” She huffed looking around the small, mucky space. “The ground must have gotten too soft and formed a sinkhole. The snow got into my eyes and I fell in the opposite direction.”
“Are you hurt?”
“No, are you?”
“Not that I can tell, just muddy.”
She glared at him. “Well, good. In that case, what are you doing here?”
Roy felt his eyebrows lift well into his hat. “I’m here to help you! You’d been gone for so long, I wanted to make sure nothing happened.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”
“But something did happen,” he argued.
Miss Hawkeye crossed her arms. “Yes, but now we’re both trapped in this hole. So, some help you are. Now we’re both going to die out here.”
Roy frowned. “We’re not going to die.”
She turned away from him, her voice softer, but since their hole blocked out the wind, he was able to hear her still. “It’s going to be dark and freezing soon. No one will come looking for us, and the snow isn’t stopping anytime soon.”
“We have…body heat?”
She faced him again giving him a disbelieving look.
He looked down at his arms. “I also brought a blanket! It’s kind of wet because of the snow, but it’s another layer, and it can keep the snow off us. Oh! And I brought some snacks, too. I thought you might be hungry since you were out here all day.”
She watched as he dug the few spoils he’d stuffed in his pockets out in front of her. “You thought of all this? And…me?”
“Food is important; you keep me and your father fed at least. This seemed like the minimum of what I could do,” Roy insisted, feeling warm at the look Miss Hawkeye was giving him. It wasn’t the eye batting that his sisters did at guys, but it seemed like she really appreciated this thing he did. He didn’t think it was anything special, but the way she looked at him, it was like he’d just offered her the world.
“Oh, you should share with me then. You probably didn’t have lunch since I wasn’t there.” She tried to shove some of the food back into his hand, but he shook his head.
“It’s okay, this is just for you. I made some food back at the Manor when I realized you hadn’t been back,” he said, feeling a bit sheepish. It was silly, because he was perfectly capable of making some foods, but she always cooked. It felt like he was messing around in her special space if he went in there.
She blinked at him, holding the food in her hands. “You…made food? I don’t think anyone else has made food since my mom…” She fell quiet, and Roy let her. Girls talking about their emotions were not his strong suit. He didn’t know what sort of thing to say to make it better, and he couldn’t risk making it worse. He didn’t know if tears would freeze at this temperature.
Miss Hawkeye composed herself as she always seemed to do. “Well, how much of a mess did you leave for me?”
He placed a hand on his chest, staggering back into the mud behind him. “You insinuate I would leave a mess for you? I am a gentleman.”
She snorted. “And I’m a queen.”
“You could be,” he said without thinking. Her eyes widened as the words dawned on his. “Oh, uh, my aunt. She says all women deserve to be treated like queens. She says that’s how she raised me. When I find the right girl, she’ll be a queen – so you would be someone’s queen. If that makes sense.”
“I…suppose so,” she said, but the quirk to her eyebrow said otherwise. “Thank you for the food in any case. I’ll do what I can to make it last.”
“But, you missed lunch,” Roy tried to argue.
She shook her head, popping an almond into her mouth and shoving some into her own pocket. “It’s certainly not the first time, and if we make it out of here, it won’t be the last either.”
Roy took a step closer. “You…don’t always eat?”
He knew some of his sisters had that kind of issue, where they didn’t eat. His Aunt normally wouldn’t stand for it and insisted that a girl needed her wits about her, and wits came from being properly fueled. Some of the girls really struggled with it, but he didn’t want Miss Hawkeye to struggle with anything she didn’t have to.
She gave him an appraising look, as if she assumed he already knew what she’d said. “My father isn’t exactly earning his keep, and no one will hire a little girl .” She spat. “If I can’t find a way to get a little money doing chores for people around town or if there’s not enough to pick from the garden or hunt here, I just…don’t eat. It’s not terrible. I’m not awfully hungry, and I know Father expects it.”
Roy was horrified. “Has this happened while I was here?”
“Did you really never think…”
“Has this happened while I’ve been here,” he repeated, determined not to let her get off topic.
She sighed. “A few times, not terribly. The winter is when it’s the worst, but your tuition has helped a lot. There’s only been a few times when the house needed a repair or something that I couldn’t manage the budget properly. So, it’s my fault really. If I calculated better –”
“No!” She startled at the vehemence in Roy’s voice. “You shouldn’t have to worry about something like that! And if you’re cooking for us, you should be eating with us. No exception! If that happens again, we’ll share.”
“But…but you’re a growing boy who needs his food.”
Roy felt himself pause at the way she said that. It was rote. Like something she’d heard and was repeating from someone else. He didn’t like that. If someone had told her that she deserved to not eat if there wasn’t enough food… she was too young for that sort of thing. There was only one person who would’ve told her something like that, and it made Roy’s stomach hurt to think about.
He shook his head. “You’re growing, too. If you’re struggling, and I can help, I want to. So, you have to be honest with me when that happens. Promise.”
She nodded. “Okay, I promise.”
“Has…” Roy stopped himself. The question sitting on his tongue. Has anyone ever cared enough to make that kind of promise with you? But, he was smart. He knew he was, and that kind of question already had a clear answer. It’d be cruel to make her say it out loud when he already knew. “Have you sat in a while? We should save energy. This blanket should be able to sit on top and wrap around, it’s so big .”
Miss Hawkeye smiled. “It’s my favorite for that reason. I like to wrap myself up all the way in it.”
“That’d probably go around you four times at least!” Roy laughed, positioning the two of them so they could sit on the blanket instead of the mud.
Some parts of the blanket were more wet than others, but with the wet, mud, and snowflakes falling all around, it wasn’t going to do much good. He wished he were further in his alchemical studies. If he knew the equation to make a nice roof for them, or could turn the mud into dirt. But, if he could do those things, then he also could’ve gotten them out of there, which would be the true goal. As it stood, he couldn’t do any of that, just shiver beside her and hope that they would stay warm until someone found them.
“This is kind of peaceful,” Roy commented as they finally settled, arms full flush under the blanket.
Miss Hawkeye rolled her eyes. “Other than it being freezing.”
“Well, yes, other than that,” he admitted. “Did you know that all snowflakes are apparently a different pattern?”
She looked skeptical; she really would have made a great alchemist. “How could someone possibly know that? The statistical probability with every snowflake that’s made…that sounds far fetched.”
Roy shrugged. “Everyone is born with different fingerprints. In Central, it’s how they keep track of bad guys…er, criminals. They think they’ll one day be able to see who did a crime from fingerprints left at the scene. So, if you think about it, our fingerprints are like snowflakes.”
Miss Hawkeye did not look convinced. “Even that seems very unlikely. How could anyone know that all of them are the same. No one would be able to look at every snowflake or fingerprint. And, knowing the state of our country, I hardly think they’re asking anyone from the other countries about their fingerprints and snowflakes. There could be a Drachman out there with your same fingerprints.”
“Then I hope he doesn’t commit any crimes in Amestris,” Roy tried joking.
Riza looked down at the blanket, her eyes growing sadder. “You shouldn’t have come after me. If I’m the only one who disappeared it wouldn’t have mattered. Now, because of me, you’ll freeze to death, too.”
“No one is freezing to death. I have plenty of body heat for us both,” he said. That reminded him. “Do you have gloves?”
She shook her head. “It gets in the way of shooting, so I didn’t bring them. My gun is probably ruined. I dropped it as I fell, and it’s up there getting hit by all the snow.”
“Not acceptable. Put your hands in mine. They’re too big for me anyway,” Roy said, moving both his hands closer to her.
“I couldn’t possibly –”
“Nope, nope, nope. I’m not hearing it. You’re putting them in, or I’m taking them off and we can both lose our hands.”
Miss Hawkeye glared. “You’re a stubborn one.”
“Why Miss Hawkeye, I would’ve thought you’d already gathered that.” He grinned, watching her own lips twitch. She settled her small hands into his oversized gloves. It felt like she’d stuck icicles in there, but he hoped they’d be able to keep each other warm this way.
“You have outlasted all my father’s other apprentices.” She deliberated for a moment. “Actually, you being here might mean that he will notice we’re gone. He wants to pass his life’s work to someone after all. He’d find me in a week.”
Roy looked away from her this time. “He should want to find you, too. You being missing should worry him. You’re his daughter.”
She shrugged awkwardly against him. “I’m more of a maid and cook who looks kind of like him and kind of like the person he actually loved.”
“You deserve better than that.”
The words tumbled out of his mouth, like most of them do, but unlike most times, this time he didn’t regret the words. He’d say them if he put hours of thought into it much less the few seconds he’d given this time around. They might be the truest words he had ever spoken. The look in her eyes seemed to say that for the first time in her life, she believed something nice that had been said to her. It felt like something of an honor to have that effect, but he also hated the idea that she’d gone so long without hearing anything like it.
“I’m glad you’re with me, not that you’re stuck here too, but just that I’m not alone,” Miss Hawkeye admitted softly.
“Me too, I want to be there for my friends, even if it’s not a good situation,” he told her.
She looked at him, her eyes like the amber his science teachers used to show them fossils. He’d never noticed them before. His Master’s eyes were a watery blue, like ice when he was angry or disappointed, which Roy always found funny since Master Hawkeye was trying to create flame alchemy. He’d always assumed his daughter would have the same, but she must have taken after her mother for her eyes. He liked this color. It reminded him of the different liquors back home at the bar. Her eyes were kind of like home…
“You think anyone will find us tonight?”
“Do you have a lesson with my Father?”
“No, he was in one of his frenzies,” Roy admitted, remembering the slammed door vividly.
Miss Hawkeye sighed. “Then it’s not looking likely.”
“I was afraid you’d say that,” he told her. “I can’t say it’s surprising. I wouldn’t normally go out in this kind of weather either.”
“We were running low on food. I wanted to make sure we had dinner – so much for that,” she grumbled.
Roy nudged her shoulder. “None of that. I don’t blame you for this. How can I? I fell in the same hole.”
“Do you make it a habit of following people into holes?”
“No, typically I lead them there,” he said.
“That makes sense.” He turned to her, feeling actually hurt this time. Miss Hawkeye’s face grew redder and it seemed to have nothing to do with the cold. “Sorry, that was supposed to be a joke.”
He laughed. “Miss Hawkeye, you’re making jokes? Our situation must be dire.”
“We probably won’t make it through the night.”
“That’s not as funny,” he told her.
Her face was blank. “I wasn’t joking this time. It’s getting colder, we’re both soaked. The odds aren’t in our favor.”
“Oh, right,” he answered, lamely. “Do you know much about alchemy, Miss Hawkeye?”
He felt her tense beside him. A thousand questions bubbled up at that reaction and what that might mean. Did Master Hawkeye try teaching her and she didn’t learn fast enough for him? Did he try teaching her and she didn’t have any talent for it? Maybe his Master didn’t even try teaching her at all, but he didn’t know why he wouldn’t even attempt to teach his own child before inviting strangers into his home. There was one idea, but growing up around women, Roy hoped he was wrong in even considering it.
“No, not really,” she whispered, her face closed off like when he’d first arrived at the Manor. He didn’t want to force anything out of her that she didn’t want to talk about. Maybe one day, when they could feel their toes again, she’d be comfortable enough around him to tell him these things.
“Well, there’s a concept I learned when I first started reading alchemy books at home that might interest you. If we were to die in here, which I don’t think we will, there is this idea of: All is One and One is All,” he explained, recalling the old alchemical idea.
Miss Hawkeye seemed intrigued by the idea. “Is that like equivalent exchange?”
“So you do know something about alchemy.”
She huffed. “ Everyone knows about equivalent exchange.”
He raised his shoulders in what he hoped was a shrug of surrender. “That’s true. I’ll give you that one. It’s not quite like equivalent exchange. This is more the idea that All of the world is within you and you are a part of the world. So, if we were to die here, we’d become part of the cycle of life. It wouldn’t simply be the end, we’d carry on.”
“That’s a bit morbid.”
“I’m sorry, did that help at all?”
“Kind of,” she admitted softly. “I like the idea that even when I die, I might be able to still help someone else. That there’s more than just not existing. Maybe I’d make flowers grow, or I’d be able to feed a family of foxes.”
Roy blinked at her. “And you called me morbid?”
She sat up straighter. “Maybe we both are.”
“Do you think about death a lot? I do,” Roy confessed, and he tried his best to ignore the shocked look on Riza’s face. “My parents both died when I was young; that’s why I live with my Aunt. I guess when you know death at a young age, you just…think about it more.”
She squeezed his hands inside the gloves. “Me too, probably because of my mother. I’ve always thought about it. There are lots of things I don’t think I’m supposed to think about but do.”
“Like death?”
“Like death.” She looked into the mud across from them, but he got the impression her thoughts were much further. “My mother got sick before she went. It didn’t look pleasant. Sometimes I think my father won’t eat for so long that he’ll just collapse after a bout of insanity with his research. Those aren’t ways I want to go. I’d like to drift off in my sleep, I think. I want it to be peaceful.”
“I understand that,” he whispered. (This conversation would come back to him years later like a punch in the gut. He’d remember her dreams of dying peacefully as she bled out in front of him, clutching her neck.)
Miss Hawkeye burrowed into their sodden blanket a little deeper. “Do you think if we’re stuck here, if we do die, would your corpse be friends with mine?”
It was a strange question, but he supposed they were strange kids. “I think so. If we survive though, I think I’d be happy for my living body to also be friends with yours.”
“Really?” She looked stunned despite everything. “That’d make you my first friend.”
“Well, that’s quite the honor.”
She shrugged. “Not to burst your bubble or anything, but it’s more from lack of options. You do seem like a good first friend, I guess. A worthy first friend, like one out of a book.”
“Now I’m really honored. May we be at each other’s side for years and years, living or as corpses,” he said, making his voice as serious as possible.
“You’re something else, Mr Mustang.”
“Roy,” he corrected suddenly. “If our corpses are going to be friends, I think you’d use my actual name. Mr Mustang sounds stuffy to me.”
“Miss Hawkeye makes me sound like a nanny,” she admitted, her nose wrinkled in displeasure.
He furrowed his brows to an absurd degree, so she can see it beneath his hat. “What do you mean? You’re not my nanny? Shame, I think you’d really keep me in line.”
“You don’t want me as a nanny. I’d never let you slack off,” she sniffed, a smile cracking through her haughty expression.
He let them fall into silence for a little bit, a slight smile on his own face to match hers. Despite the horrid weather, he still felt optimistic. He’d finally made friends with the person near his age. It was the first time he felt like he’d made a friend who actually liked him instead of using him as a scapegoat or as a way to let his guard down so they could better tease them. Riza seemed genuine. And he liked that name. Riza. Roy and Riza – it was like they’d been meant to be friends.
Even though the silence was nice, it made Roy nervous. “How long do you think we’ve been here? Years?”
“Or hours. It could be either,” she said, puffing out a cloud of cold air. She’d been out here so much longer than him. He didn’t like that thought. “I think they’ll find us in a week.”
“When the weather gets warm?”
“When the cows show fear,” she said. He couldn’t hide his confusion. “Cows don’t like dead bodies. They get spooked.”
Roy hadn’t met any cows to know if that was true. He didn’t know how Riza knew that was true either. “I suppose that makes sense. At least the insects aren’t out.”
“You don’t want to be an insect buffet?”
Roy gagged. “No way, I’d want it to be a fox. Then it’d be something cool.”
“A buzzard?” Riza suggested.
He grinned. “Or a hawk ?” He thought a bit harder. “Actually, I think a crow would be more likely.”
“I’d rather a raven, I think they’re pretty,” she said, as if they were like the old ladies who used binoculars to find birds in the park, not discussing what would eat them if they weren’t found.
They really were weird kids.
Her hand still sat in his, but they both seemed much more cold. He was starting to get tired, and she seemed to be faring the same. He remembered distantly that in cold temperatures like this, sleeping was the enemy, but that seemed silly. If they slept, it would pass the time; they might even feel warmer. He didn’t like the idea of risking Riza sleeping. Not if there was a chance it wasn’t safe. Then again, she’d done the most work during the day, and it would be unfair for him to sleep and make her stay up.
“I’m glad you showed up,” Riza whispered, startling him out of his thoughts. “You’ve always been so nice.”
“Really? I didn’t think I was doing a good job at all. I was trying, but not very hard. I didn’t want to upset you if you didn’t want to talk to me,” he told her truthfully.
Riza shook her head. “That wasn’t even trying?”
“Nope. When I start trying, I’m really going to knock your socks off,” he promised. It was both a joke and vow. For her, his new friend, he’d always try.
“I can’t wait to see it. You’ve already made it feel more like home again.”
His face felt too cold to move, but he smiled regardless, his face stretching automatically. He’d known a couple homes in his life, having to make them fit each time. She’d only known the one, but he understood from all his moving around that home often wasn’t a place but the people. Riza now felt like one of the people that made a home, and he liked that he was that for her, too.
“You’re also like home,” he told her, finally seeing a smile like the one in the garden. (It was a smile he’d see more and more often over the next several years. It was one he’d fear he’d never see again after Ishval. It was a smile they’d slowly build back, and he’d count himself lucky every time it was turned towards him.)
Roy didn’t know how much time passed while they curled into each other, holding hands through the gloves as if that was the only thing holding either of them there. He’d never been so cold before in his life, and he didn’t know whether he or Riza shivered harder against the other. He wasn’t sure when their conversation finally lulled or how often they were drifting in and out. Somehow, even in a muddy hole, freezing in the snow, this was something like a home.
When the men came, he didn’t know how long it’d been, he refused to let go of Riza. He wasn’t even sure the men were actually here. His only thoughts were on how he wouldn’t let this piece of home go. He wouldn’t risk her being taken away from him.
In the future, he’d find a home with her in the sand far from any city they’d known before.
In the future, he’d find a home with her at his side as they walked the halls of military command centers, rising through the ranks.
In the future, he’d cling to the home he had with her as they fought to survive the Promised Day.
In the future, she’d always be his home, just as he would be hers. They would heal once again, climb ranks, and stay by each other’s side.
In that moment, he held tight with frozen fingers to the home they were creating. Right then, there were no challenges, mistakes, wins or losses. There was Roy and Riza, holding on to their new home.