Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I moved back to Rochester last week after an injury on the rugby pitch that required surgery to fix. One bad tackle caused a spinal fracture, but the knee problem was due to years on the rugby pitch. First in a youth rugby league, secondary school, university, and then I got scouted to play professionally in my second year of uni.

I’ve been with the same pro team since I started, the Leeds Badgers. I’d been made captain after the previous captain retired last year. Technically my contract with the Badgers ends this year, so even if I can go back to playing I might not. The locker rooms are a pretty toxic environment, and I tried to change that. The toxicity in the locker rooms is one of the reasons I’m still closeted, despite having come to terms with my queer identity in secondary school.

I’d been playing rugby most of my life, and since I never wanted any negative attention I just kept quiet. I tried to blend in with the other lads on the team, and for the most part it worked. I never joined in on any of the homophobia, tried to stop it in fact. Whether in the changing room or in the team group chat, I’d try and steer the conversation away from queerness and keep the slurs out of them.

After that tackle though, which is still getting articles written about it, I’m back in my hometown of Rochester in a wheelchair. Next week I’ll be starting physical therapy to try and make sure I can get back to my feet after I recover. Obviously I won’t be getting on my feet just yet, not with the knee injury on top of the spinal fracture, but they’d be making sure that my muscles didn’t start to decay.

My mum had made adjustments in my childhood home, like setting up a room on the ground floor for me to sleep in. Or putting a small ramp over the step leading up into the house. There had been questions asked about Henry, her aging pug, and whether or not it would be safe for him to stay in the house. The doctors assured her that Henry would be able to stay in the house, that his size and weight might even be helpful after I start physical therapy.

We had plans for if she got called into work and I needed something. For the first few weeks, she’ll be at home with me no matter what. After that any emergency calls and she needs to get to the hospital. The neighbors numbers are on a piece of paper on the fridge in case I need anything and she’s not here. If I can’t get ahold of the neighbors and I absolutely need something there is a store on the corner. Otherwise though, mum would come shopping with me.

About a month later is the first time I need to use the corner store. I tried to call my neighbors first, but they were both busy at work. Mum had been called in for an emergency, apparently someone had tried to hang up fairy lights outside their child’s window and fell down. They hadn’t been sure of the severity of the injuries when they called mum in, so it could be a while before she gets back home. So I sat down in my wheelchair, put my walker beside my bed, and wheeled my way to the corner store.

Since it had been so long since I’d last been here, I’d been maybe 15, I forgot that they didn’t have a handicap button for the door. I tried opening it on my own but it’s not an easy thing with a wheelchair. After maybe 5 minutes of this a stranger walked up behind me and opened the door.

“You looked like you could use some help,” I hadn’t seen the stranger’s face yet, but going by their voice I’d guess they were male. Sure enough when I turned my chair around, the stranger was male. A very attractive male at that. He had short, curly, black hair, blue eyes, and dimples. If I was to stand up he’d probably be around the same height as me as well, maybe a little shorter.

“Thank you,” I managed before going to the back of the store where they kept the milk. When I got to the checkout line I saw the stranger again, this time he had a few books under his arm.

“You like to read?” I asked, trying to make small talk.

“Kind of, but these are for my friend. He’s the English Literature teacher at the school I work at and loves getting new books to read. He’s been talking about wanting these books for months, and even if he’s already gotten them for himself, he’ll put them in his classroom,” the stranger explained.

We continued talking until we got to checkout, him not mentioning my wheelchair once. This made me think he might not be a rugby fan, since the very few times I’ve been out, if a rugby fan sees me they’ll say something about how it’s too bad I won’t be able to play for a while. Yet this man has just been treating me as if I’m any other person. Of course that doesn't necessarily mean that he's not a rugby fan, could just be that rather than seeing me as a star he sees me as a human. After all, my injury was in headlines on multiple news platforms for weeks.

After I pay for the milk and the man once again holds the door open for me so I can exit, he asks how far away I live.

“I live a few houses down,” I say. “It’s not too bad.”

“Can I help you out?” the man asks.

“Sure I guess,” I say, handing him the milk. “Follow me?”

I wheel myself back to my house, and I have to admit that it was easier this way than if I’d carried the milk myself.

“My name’s Charlie,” the stranger, Charlie, says after I unlock the door and wheel myself into the house. He hands me the milk before going on his own way.

As I’m putting away the milk I see that there are numbers written across the back of the receipt, and underneath them it says:
If you ever need help again - Charlie

Mum gets home around an hour later while I’m sitting on my bed watching Iron Man on the TV.

“How was your day?”

“It was good. A man helped me out with the door at the corner store earlier. We were out of milk and I wanted some tea,” I say without taking my eyes off the TV.

That might have been the first day my reply to the question was different, that wasn’t a day I had physical therapy.

Chapter Text

I was having trouble focusing at physical therapy the next day. Yesterday’s interaction playing round in my head. I wondered if perhaps Charlie really didn’t know about the rugby injury. I also was a bit frustrated with myself, I had needed help with a door of all things. I knew that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, that after my injury, wheeling myself to the corner store on its own was pretty big progress, but I hadn’t been able to figure out how to open the door.

Luckily for me I was able to do the exercises correctly even with my head somewhere else. I never really thought about what I was doing when I was here, the physical therapist is a professional and has me doing everything I’m doing for a reason after all. If I needed to know exactly what I was doing or why I was doing it I could always ask.

After my first physical therapy appointment, the therapist had given me a list of workouts to do at home. Mum made a few copies of it and hung one on the fridge. Another was on my bedside table in the front of a binder where I was able to write down what I had done each day to keep progress of how I was doing.

After maybe half an hour of doing exercises the physical therapist had some questions to ask me. They were routine, and asked once or twice during each session.

"Is there anything new going on?"
"Are there any new pains?"
"Have you made any new achievements lately?"

Usually I didn't have anything new going on. Back pain was normal, if it got any worse I'd mention it, but since I'd been told that mild back pain was to be expected during physical therapy after the surgery I never really mentioned it. Today though I did have a new answer for one of his questions.

"I wheeled myself down to the corner store on my own yesterday and got some milk. I couldn't figure out how to open the door at the store but this kind man helped out, even carried the milk home for me."

While this was something I'd done hundreds, maybe even thousands of times, before I had surgery to fix the fracture in my spinal cord and repair a small bit of muscle in my knee, it wasn't something I had done after the surgery before yesterday. Usually mum would be with me at the store, she'd be the one getting the groceries for me and carrying them around. So this was progress.

After answering a few questions about whether I felt more sore than usual today after that bit of exercise that wasn't usual to me at the moment, he got around to asking some other questions.

"Why were you frustrated?"
"Do you feel like there was anything that would have made it less frustrating?"

"I feel like maybe if I had used the walker instead it wouldn't have been as bad," I say. "But we haven't really talked about me walking for anything more than to walk to the bathroom, or walking to the kitchen to make myself some tea at home."

"Would that be something you'd like to work on starting next week, distance?" the physical therapist asked.

"Really? Absolutely, yes!"

"Then that's what we'll start our next session with, unless there is a reason that wouldn't be possible. There will be a few questions before we start with anything too big, but for now that's our plan, getting you to be able to walk longer distances."

He made a note in his chart, probably about what we'd just talked about, before telling me that I was free to go for the day. Today was his son's birthday so I'd known going into this appointment that it would be shorter than usual.

"Make sure to tell your mum to bring your walker with her next week as well as your wheelchair," he called out before I left the office we were in for the appointment.

As soon as I saw mum I rolled over to her with a smile on my face.

"What's got you all smiley?" she asked.

"He said that for our next session we can start trying to work on distance walking. So you'll have to bring the walker as well," I say.

Mum was understandably nervous about the idea of me starting walking more distance as soon as I was, even though it had been a little over a month since the initial surgery. She'd seen me getting the injury in person rather than just on television. It had been a home game, and mum had driven four hours just to see me play. She asked if he and I were sure this was something we wanted to do, and after explaining to her that it was up to how I felt next week whether we were actually going to work on it or not she finally started to look a bit calmer. I also explained to her what not being able to walk like I would've before was like to me, and how frustrating it felt.

"Well, as long as you and the therapist are sure," she said. "I'll bring the walker along with us next week. I hope you'll be talking about this with Imogen tomorrow, the frustration."

Imogen was my new therapist, not a physical therapist but one for my mental health. The coach had suggested I get a therapist after the surgery. Someone that I could talk to about how everything felt. Someone who could help me work out whether I'd want to go back to playing rugby or not if I was able to.

Chapter Text

I have a class after therapy today on different teaching methods needed for a special education classroom. I take this class once every two weeks or so. I don't know when it hit me that I might like to be a teacher after I retire from rugby, but I do know that I never expected that my retirement would look anything like the situation I'm currently in. I know that I still haven't actually retired, but every day it feels like maybe it's time that I should. After all, I'd only be able to play professionally for another year or two if I can go back. It would also be a lot more likely for me to get injured if I go back than it was before.

I promised mum yesterday that I'd bring up how frustrated I've felt about everything with Imogen, even wrote it down in case I don't actually want to say it. I felt better after I'd written it down and showed it to mum, but I also knew that I hadn't written down everything that I felt frustrated by. I was frustrated with not being able to walk, not being able to live my life how I had been before the accident. I was also frustrated with how much of myself I've been hiding over the years though, how I felt like I had to be some completely different to fit in with the team.

I've buried myself so far in the closet that I don't know how to bring it up. I've never acted fully like myself with anyone. Sure, mum has seen a side of me that the rugby team hasn't, but even she hasn't seen the real me. I don't talk about guys, not like that. I'm not even sure I'd know how to if I wanted.

"Nick are you ready to go?" mum asks. I've not been paying attention to the clock, and it's time to leave for my therapist appointment.

"One sec!" I called back.

I put on a jumper and put the piece of paper in one of my pockets before wheeling myself out to the car, where mum was.

The ride to Imogen's office was quiet, as always. I don't think mum ever really knew what to say on the ride there. We talk on the ride back, but not there.

"I'll pick you up after, love you," mum says, after I get out of the car.

I wheel myself into the waiting room and wait for Imogen. She's blocked off the days when I have appointments so that there aren't any patients in the waiting room to bother me. I still feel a bit bad about it, even though she'd told me that she does it for other clients as well.

"Nick, come on back," I hear her say about 5 minutes after I've gotten into the waiting room.

"Is there anything new for you to share today?" Imogen asks after we get to her office. It's the first question she asks at each appointment.

Usually I brush it off, tell her about each small victory, but not the things that are bugging me. I know that technically she's there so I can talk about things that weighing on my mind, but I didn't really think I had anything to complain about, after all I chose to play rugby professionally. I chose the career path that led to this injury.

Today though I opened up, telling her about how frustrating it is not be able to walk on my own, how I hate the way different people who recognize me out in public look at me. How I'm tired of hiding things about myself. I told her about Charlie, and how he helped me at the store the other day.

"It sounds like you've been keeping things bottled up. The first thing I'd like to talk about is what you said about hiding yourself. What do you mean by that exactly?" Imogen asks.

I look around the room, trying to see if there is anything in here that might mean it's safe to open up to her. When mum and I had looked into local therapists, I didn't really look for a therapist that openly accepted the LGBT community. My mum wouldn't have known that was something to look for either, so I actually had no idea how Imogen would react, but she asked me what I meant when I said that I hide myself. On her desk is a framed photo of her and another woman, but I can't tell if they're friends or anything else just by the photo. It's only when I start looking at her desk that I notice the pride flag though, and I start talking, not leaving the biggest part out.

"I mean that I've been hiding behind a sort of mask for years. Rugby was my life, and I never really brought up anything that didn't fit into the mold of a rugby player," I start. "I don't tell people that I find baking soothing, or that I absolutely hate horror films. I don't tell people why all the homophobic language in the locker rooms bugs me. I've known that I wasn't straight since secondary, but I'm nearly 30 and you're the first person to know."

The look on Imogen's face as I was talking stayed mostly the same until I got to the part about me not being straight. When I said that it was like she could feel what it felt like. I mean she hadn't really changed her facial expression at all, but her eyes seemed to hold a lot of understanding.

"Okay first, thank you for telling me. I know that it's not always easy to come out for the first time. We can talk about that a bit more later, but for now we're going to talk about the other things," Imogen says. "Is there anybody in your life who knows that you like baking or that you hate horror films?"

"My mum, she taught me how to bake and was always the one to calm me down after I'd watched a horror film with the rugby team, whether I was with her or not."

"Why is that?" Imogen asks. "Why do you think she taught you how to bake and calms you down after you watch a horror film?"

I took me a while to answer, because I don't think I've ever really thought about why she taught me to bake. I do know the reason she calms me down after horror films, but why have I never thought to question why she taught me to bake? Could the reason be as simple as that I wanted to spend time with my mother and that I liked baked goods?

"I think maybe she taught me to bake as a way to spend time with her? I've always stuck closer to her, and really liked baked goods. So maybe that has something to do with it. With the horror film thing though, she calms me down because they scare the hell out of me. I've never been a fan."

"Ok. Now, do you think there might have been anyone on the team who would've had a negative reaction to those things?" Imogen asks. "I know we've talked briefly about how she was the one who raised you, and how you've always been close to her, but didn't you also tell me that some of your teammates have known you since you were in school?"

"I don't know if they all would have had a negative reaction, but I do know that one of them would have made it a point to bring it up as some sort of ammunition against me. I'm the team captain after all, even if at the moment it's still not clear whether I'll go back."

"Let's talk about that actually. If it is possible for you to go back to playing rugby professionally, would you even want to?"

We spend the rest of the session talking about opening up to others and my rugby career. We actually had a lengthy discussion about rugby, weighing the pros and cons of me going back.

After I got back home from my session I started my class. This week we were learning about things to look out for in a child that may point to dyslexia. Some of them I already knew, like them being a slower reader than the rest of the class, or them asking multiple questions about what exactly they are supposed to be reading. Others though I didn't know, and I made sure to take note of them on my phone. Lucky for me, the teacher knew of my own dyslexia and made sure to say everything out loud.

After the class, which I took while sitting in bed, I got the piece of paper that had Charlie's number on it out of my bedside table and programmed his number into my phone before sending him a message. I also triple checked that I got all the numbers right when putting the number in.

Hi Charlie, this is Nick. The guy in a wheelchair that you opened the door for at the store the other day.

Chapter Text

I swear that sometimes teaching sucks, monumentally. It doesn't help that I teach a class that doesn't get many students. I teach Classics at a local grammar school. Unlike the grammar school that I went to, this one isn't an all-boys school.

My class today was a bit high-maintenance. Two of my students, who had been sitting together all year, had had a fight outside of school hours and the whole class knew about it. These two students were probably the two most popular in the entire class, and so my entire class was split into two sides.

By the end of the day I felt like I needed to do something. Luckily for me I remembered that the English Lit teacher, my friend Isaac, wanted some book that I knew was sold at the corner store near my house.

He could have already gotten the book, but I knew that he wouldn't complain about having a new copy if he already had one. If he had gotten one already, it meant that he'd have a copy that he could keep in his classroom. He'd said something the other day about hating to bring his own copies of books to the classroom, not because he didn't trust the students to bring them back or even because he was worried about not being able to read them for a while, but because there were some students who absolutely loved certain books and would take them over and over.

So, with this goal in mind, I made my way to the corner store. When I got there I noticed a man in front of the door, looking like he wasn't quite sure how he was going to get inside. The man was in a wheelchair, and this store didn't have one of those handicap buttons that would just open the door for you. I walked up behind the man and opened the door for him.

"You looked like you could use some help," I said.

The man turned around, and holy crap. This man was Nick Nelson, everyone at the school knew of him. He was captain of the Leeds Badgers, and even though rugby has no interest to me it was huge news when he got injured. There had been multiple articles about it, and multiple students would read these articles for their daily reading.

"Thank you," he said before he wheeled off towards the back.

I decided that I wouldn't mention anything about his injury, because that would be kind of a jerk thing to do. It was obvious that he knew he was injured, and a random stranger pointing that out would probably be unwelcome.

I went to get the book and ended up picking up the whole trilogy. It's not like Isaac would have any issue with getting multiple books. When I went to the checkout lane I saw Nick again. He was rolling his way to the line with a thing of milk in his lap.

I ended up in front of him in the line, though he didn't seem to mind.

"You like to read?" I heard someone behind me ask.

I turned around and saw that it was Nick Nelson who had asked the question.

"Kind of, but these are for my friend. He's the English Literature teacher at the school I work at and loves getting new books to read. He's been talking about wanting these books for months, and even if he's already gotten them for himself, he'll put them in his classroom," I said.

The two of us continue talking to each other until we both checkout. It becomes obvious the longer that we talk that he's waiting for some kind of question, but it seems that he's happy not to have his injury pointed out.

After we've both paid for our things, I open the door of the shop for him again.

"How far do you live from here?" I ask, hoping that it doesn't come across as intrusive or rude.

"I live a few houses down," he says. "It's not too bad."

"Can I help you out?" I ask, hoping that my question in received well and that he's not offended.

"Sure I guess," he hands me the milk and starts wheeling his way to his house, at least I assume that's where we're going. "Follow me."

He doesn't get too far in front of me before I start to follow behind him.

"My name's Charlie," I say as we get to his house. Before he turns around to grab his milk I take the receipt and write a note on the back along with my number. Luckily he started wheeling himself into the house before I handed him the milk so I had time to write the message and my number.

I don't know whether I actually want him to use it or not, after all the rugby team made my life miserable back in secondary school, but there is something about him that seems different to them. I hope my assumptio is right.

Over the next few days my life goes on as normal, I teach my classes and give Isaac the books. He was very happy to have recieved them, and it turned out he had already gotten them for himself. I don't end up getting a new text, though I try not to feel too bad about it, for all I know he could be busy. Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't mean that he doesn't have important stuff that he needs to do, in fact he probably has more than anyone else. I mean he probably has physical therapy and stuff that needs done.

After school one day I see that I've got a new message, so I check it.

Unknown number: Hi Charlie, this is Nick. The guy in a wheelchair that you opened the door for at the store the other day.

I add Nick as a contact to my phone before walking home, determined to text him back then.

Chapter Text

Hi Charlie, this is Nick. The guy in a wheelchair that you opened the door for at the store the other day.

Charlie: Hi Nick. I remember who you are.

I mean, I didn't give you my own number, so I just decided to introduce myself in text.
Please don't share this number with anyone though.
I don't know if you know or not, but I am quite well known.

Charlie: Of course, and I did know. The whole of the school I work for knows who you are, and what happened. Students read the articles all the time, even now that they aren't being written as often.
The captain of the Leeds Badgers, you are almost everyone's favorite celebrity at the moment.

I just wasn't sure if you knew who I was or not. Most people would've said something about the injury, and I can kind of just see that they know who I am.

Charlie: I thought it might annoy you if I brought up the injury. Obviously you know that you are injured, and it just seemed rude to bring it up.
Also rugby players tend to make me nervous, bad experiences. You and I went to the same school for a bit, you know? Before I started getting homeschooled because the rugby team were horrible bullies.

You went to Truham?

Charlie: Until year 10, or well towards the end of year 9. You would've been in the year above.

I don't remember much of my time at Truham, truth be told.

Charlie I wouldn't expect you to. You've had much more interesting matters since.

I guess that's true. I have to think up a way to announce my retirement soon. I wouldn't want to play again, I mean I wouldn't be able to for much longer anyway. This injury just made things play out a bit differently.

Charlie Retirement? So the injury is bad, bad then?

Truth be told, I might still have the opportunity to go back to the field. My physical therapist says I'm healing up at a nice rate, and that if I wanted to I might be able to play again. I just don't know that I would want to play again, it would be much easier to get injured again.

Charlie: What would you do? I mean you are still under 30, do you have plans for after your retirement?

I'm taking classes to get my PGCE and have been for a little while.

Charlie: You wish to be a teacher?

I enjoy working with kids. I would help out with my younger cousins every year on holiday. I'd thought of changing my major in uni, but then I was scouted by the Badgers. So I never got around to it.

Charlie: That's quite admirable, the fact you wish to be a teacher. What kind of teacher would you wish to be?

Primary school, I want to be a primary teacher. Preferably one who works with the children with special needs.

Charlie: I teach secondary, Classics. It's not a class that gets many students, but I enjoy it. It is also a nice change, being a teacher instead of the student.

I bet. Instead of just doing your own class work, you have to grade the whole class'.

Charlie: That is certainly one difference, though not the one that I enjoy most.

Do tell. If you feel comfortable to, at least.

Charlie: I can give each bully detention, instead of just having it ignored every time it gets brought up.

True enough. I'm starting to get a headache, talk more later?

I was starting to get a slight headache, and so I put away my phone. The headaches were coming less often than they had right after the injury, though I doubt they will ever go away completely. I'd been cleared of the concussion after a little over a week since it was only a mild concussion, luckily, but the light of my phone screen still bugs me. The fact that I use a function that turns what I said into the text makes matters just a little worse.

Having played rugby for as long as I have, I know a little bit about concussions, or at least the feeling of them isn't anything new, and I actually wait the recommended amount of time before using my phone again. I made that mistake twice, looking at my phone before I'd been cleared to, and both times the pain in my head was terrible.

I fell asleep, and in my dream I was at Truham again, in year 10. The old rugby team all surrounding another student, calling him disgusting and much worse. I tried to stop them, to stop the bullying, but I couldn't. I did get a glimpse of who they were bullying though, a tan boy with dark curly hair.

Chapter Text

When I woke up today, I just knew that today would suck. My back and knee both ached more than usual. I'd been told that days like this would happen once in a while, even while getting better, but it didn't stop it from sucking any less.

It doesn't help that I have to do physical therapy work at home, or that I have an essay on different education methods to do. I hadn't been kidding when I told Charlie yesterday that I hoped to work with special education students, I wanted to be the kind of teacher that I had needed in school. A teacher that actually understands how dyslexia works, and doesn't make students feel bad when they are slower readers.

I'd only been diagnosed with dyslexia myself when I was in my first year of uni, because none of my teacher before that had understood. I'd been diagnosed with dyscalculia in my first year of uni as well. Both of these diagnoses made so much sense, I'd always been the slowest reader in my class, and I never understood math. I actually have no clue how none of my teachers before uni had caught it, because it was my sports science professor who caught it.

Mum had been so apologetic about having missed it after I got diagnosed. I'm not sure why exactly, because I did my best to hide my struggles. I hated talking about school, and while my grades were never the best, they were never terrible.

When mum came into my room I think she could just tell that things would need to be taken easier today. She didn't push me on the exercises, not that she usually does but still. She also helped me out with the essay, typing out what I said I wanted my paper to say.

After we finished that up, she needed to get to work because there was an emergency. She'd almost stayed home, but by then I felt better than I had in the morning. I told her that if I needed her I'd give her a call, but that she should get to work.

I don't know what it was that made me go to the park. It's not that the park is far from home, just that I haven't really been since I was in secondary. I did want to go to the park though, and I figured that the fresh air would do me some good.

I'd figured out a way to walk Nellie while in the wheelchair in physical therapy a week or so after I started, so I decided to hook Nellie up to her leash and went to the park with her.

For a bit it was just the two of us, a few people were walking by and spared sympathetic glances but for the most part I got left alone.

I saw Imogen as Nellie and I were getting ready to leave. She obviously saw me as well, because she came up to us.

"Hey Nick, what brings you here?" Imogen asked.

"I wanted to get out of the house for a bit, so I decided to take Nellie here on a walk," I said, nodding my head towards Nellie.

Imogen seemed not to have noticed that I have Nellie with me at first, because when she looked to where I nodded she started smiling.

"It's good that you got out of your house for a bit, if that's what you wanted," Imogen said.

"It's nice to feel productive," I said.

Before Imogen even had the chance to say something about that, a woman with dark hair walked up. I remembered the picture in Imogen's office, and figured that this must be the woman from the photo on Imogen's desk.

"There you are," the woman said as soon as she got beside Imogen. "Who's this?"

"Sahar, this is Nick. Nick, this is Sahar, my girlfriend," Imogen said.

The woman, Sahar, seemed to not have expected Imogen to say that. Probably thinking something along the lines of me being homophobic. There have been a few instances over the years where people have assumed that, and it kind of sucked that I couldn't just tell them all that I'm bi. Telling them that I'm bi though could've ruined my career, especially if there had been a reporter around or the fan couldn't keep their mouth shut.

It's obvious, even with me in a wheelchair, that I'm into some type of sport or other form of athletics.

"Hello, how do the two of you know each other?" Sahar asked after she seemed to get over her shock.

"I'm a patient of Imogen's," I said.

Sahar nodded and turned to Imogen, "Gen, we've got to get going if we don't want to be late," Sahar said. "It was nice to meet you Nick."

Chapter Text

A few weeks have passed since that day at the park, and now I use my walker more than my wheelchair.

Mum was a bit shocked the first day that I came out of physical therapy using my walker instead of my wheelchair. She actually started tearing up, which was a bit awkward but I guess I can see why she did. I mean, I'd been in a wheelchair for months, and no doctor could tell if I would be able to walk again, even after I started using the walker for short trips around the house, because that is different. I mean it's still walking, but very short distances and it didn't prove anything.

When I first went into Imogen's office using my walker I thought Imogen might actually be planning a party for me, luckily she didn't do anything like that. She did celebrate with me a little though.

I've officially retired as well, no more professional rugby for me. I'm still in the Badgers team groupchat, but there are a few retired players in there. It's not been all that shocking to me that it made the news, my retirement speech had been recorded for that very reason, but it is a bit shocking to see how different people are reacting online. I knew that not everyone would react the same, but the first post I saw that made my retirement out to be a positive thing caught me off guard.

I've started to reconnect with some old friends from before my pro rugby days as well, Tara and Darcy. I've been friends with Tara since primary school, and met Darcy in secondary. The three of us were a queer little trio. At first glance, none of us have anything in common but we were great friends. The three of us are also all queer. Tara came out to me in secondary, and Darcy had already been out when I met them. Neither of them know, but I've been thinking of coming out to them. With the fact that they're both queer, it takes some of the weight off.

Imogen and I have also been hanging out a bit outside of therapy sessions. I've even gotten to have some decent conversations with Sahar. Both of them know about me, and keep telling me that I don't owe it to anyone to tell them my identity. I already knew that, but it is nice to hear it instead of just reading it.

I've messaged Charlie a few more times as well, our longest conversation yet was the day that my retirement was announced. Most of our conversations are about my career honestly, and it's a bit awkward. He's made it clear that he doesn't know much about rugby, but we do talk about ideas for after I get my PGCE. I've probably described my perfect classroom to him over ten times by now, and I'm honestly a bit surprised that he hasn't told me to stop yet.

"Nicky, what do you want to watch?" mum asks.

That's another thing, mum and I have started back up our weekly movie nights, though they aren't always at night. It's been nice, I don't have to pretend to watch anything that she chooses because she lets me help pick out the movie. Last week we watched Pirates of the Caribbean and there was something nice about seeing the movie that helped me realize my bisexuality.

"Doctor Who? The tenth doctor?" I suggested, like a question.

David Tennant was one of my earlier celebrity crushes. I didn't realize until right around the time I started uni though, that I'd had a crush on him.

Mum contemplated for a while before finding it and starting it.

"You keep choosing shows and movies that we've watched hundreds of times, Nick. Are you sure there isn't anything new that you would want to watch?" mum asked.

While there are multiple things that I'd like to watch that we didn't watch all that often in my childhood, I'd rather watch things that are familiar. I don't quite understand why, or well I know why but I don't understand why I think it'll help, but I feel like this sort of familiarity will make coming out to mum easier when I finally decide to. I know that she won't make a huge fuss, and I don't know my brother or father well enough to even consider coming out to either of them.

David, my older brother, had left with our father when I was 5 and I've barely seen either of them since. All I really know about them is that they both go by Fournier, not Nelson. My dad had been the one to encourage me to play rugby, and while I had my professional career I'd certainly heard from him more, but since the injury I've only heard from him twice. The first time was him telling me to heal up fast so that I could get back to the rugby pitch, and the second time was after my retirement was announced. He'd been very disappointed.

"The shows and movies that we keep watching are good though," I said.

Mum just shrugged and turned back to the TV.

After we finished watching Doctor Who, I told mum that I was going to go on a walk. Luckily it was still mid-afternoon and today had been a pretty good day.

I walked to the park. Nellie was still at home, since I still haven't worked out how to walk her like this quite yet, but mum took her for a walk earlier.

The park was where I usually met up with Imogen, and occasionally Sahar, outside of therapy sessions. Though today I was meeting Tara and Darcy there. We'd worked out the meeting time and place a few weeks ago, and lucky for me they were scheduled to be in Kent for a month, so I'd hopefully be able to meet up with them a few more times. I was the only one with a completely free schedule though, so they get to choose the meeting times.

Today I was planning on telling Tara and Darcy about me, it had been the main topic in therapy this week. Coming out in general has been talked about multiple times since I came out to Imogen. All of my reasons for not having done so, the fear of bad reactions, etc.

I knew that I didn't have to worry about any of that with Tara and Darcy though. In fact, they'll probably say we need to celebrate once I tell them.

I saw Tara first and walked up to them, because I knew Darcy would be nearby.

"Hey," I said after I was by them.

"What's going on Nickers? Why the park?" Darcy asked. They'd been laying down in the grass, apparently.

"Hey Nick," Tara said.

"Nothing's going on Darce, I just wanted to reconnect with some friends from before. My therapist thinks it's a good idea too," I said. "I get recognized pretty much everywhere I go, but people usually leave me alone if I'm at the park," I answer their second question.

I'm not actually sure why people tend to leave me alone at the park, but I can't say that I don't appreciate it. It makes it easier to relax outside when people don't come walking up to me to talk about the Badgers or my injury.

"I do have something to tell you guys though," I said.

"What do you want to tell us Nick?" Tara asked, covering up Darcy's mouth as soon as they'd opened it.

I took a deep breath before saying, "I'm bi."

Chapter Text

Yesterday had been eventful, after I came out to Tara and Darcy I started crying. I'm not sure why, but it was pretty on brand for me so far. I cried the day I came out to Imogen, though not until I'd gotten into bed that night. I cried when I came out to Sahar as well, that had been an interesting day.

Sahar showed up at my therapy appointment, clearly surprised that someone was still in Imogen's office. Technically my appointment should've been over by now, but there had been a lot talked about today and we hadn't finished up with it yet. It wasn't the first time that one of my appointments lasted longer than an hour, but it wasn't such an often occurrence that I felt the need to have my appointments scheduled to run longer. I paid for the extra time anyway.

"Imogen, isn't it time for your lunch break?" Sahar asked, clearly still a bit weary around me since she wouldn't even look my way.

"Oh, I forgot. I'll be out soon, promise," Imogen said.

Sahar scoffed, "I'm sure the athlete can handle himself long enough for you to eat your lunch Im."

I knew that I shouldn't take what she said to heart, but I still did. I may be an athlete, but multiple people of multiple different backgrounds need therapy for multiple different things. It had stung that she was acting like my outward appearance and occupation meant that I couldn't have a real reason to need therapy.

"It's fine, I can leave," I said, trying not to cry at the accusation in Sahar's voice. "Have a nice lunch Imogen."

I wasn't even rolled completely out of the room when the argument between them began.

"Sahar! That was rude, and just because he's an athlete doesn't mean that he doesn't need a therapist," Imogen said.

"Why should he? He brought this up on himself and you know it. Rugby runs risks to your body as long as you play, and if he hadn't known that he shouldn't have been playing in the first place," Sahar said.

I'm not sure why I said anything, this wasn't an argument that I was a part of, but I couldn't just let Sahar think this about me.

"I knew the risk, that doesn't make getting injured any easier though. Also, who are you to assume that the injury is the only reason I need therapy, huh?" I asked. "I might be adjusting to my life around the injury, but that isn't the biggest reason for this."

"You try being a queer rugby player." I didn't mean to say that at all, but it was out there now.

Neither of them said anything for a bit, and I was starting to panic. My breathing sped up and I couldn't see anything clearly anymore. Imogen might have already known, but she was a therapist with a signed NDA, Sahar didn't have that. She could just go out and reveal that I'm queer to a tabloid, if she wished.

I didn't notice that either of them had tried to help me until after it was over, and even then I still wasn't exactly calm. I had tears running down my face, I didn't even realize that I'd been crying.

Sahar started being nicer to me after that, and she didn't get the specifics until a week later. Obviously I cried the day I revealed that I was queer alone, panic attacks tend to do that, but I still cried when I told her that I was bisexual. Despite my fears, she's never told anyone.

Tara and Darcy though, their reactions were about what I expected. Tara was smiling, after I managed to stop crying of course, and Darcy was elated, wanted to throw a party. I'd known neither of them would be mad, but I guess there is a difference between knowing something without it having happened, and it actually happening.

They asked how long I'd known, and I told them. I told them that I was in secondary when I figured it out, and that I didn't come out for a number of reasons. Rugby, there not being a boy I personally knew that I actively liked, the fear of people reacting in a negative way.

I'm supposed to be meeting Charlie in the park later, we'd agreed to meet up a few weeks back but no time has really worked before now. I had my different doctors appointments and he had his job, his work friends, and appointments of his own. He'd set up this meeting actually, said he needed to tell me something and it'd probably be best if he told me in person instead of just over text.

For now though I was just sitting on the couch at home, watching Red, White, and Royal Blue. Mum was out, so I thought that watching a queer romance movie would be fine. I've wanted to watch this movie for a while actually, but when I was still playing rugby I didn't want to risk the questions that might have been asked if I watched it, and watching it with my mother didn't seem like the best option until after I watched it by myself. I didn't want to tell her just yet, it didn't feel like the right time. Watching the movie might have caused her to ask some questions.

When the movie was over I got up and started my walk to the park.I didn't bring Nellie with me, but I decided I'd walk her when I got back if mum hadn't already. I still didn't know how to walk her while using my walker, but I do know how to walk her using the wheelchair and there is no reason that I can't use the wheelchair sometimes.

Charlie was sitting on a park bench when I got there, his phone in hand.

"Hey," I said. "Have you been waiting long?"

"No, I haven't. I only got here a little bit ago," Charlie said. It sounded like he was covering something up, but I wasn't going to push.

"You said you had something to tell me?" I said. The sentence sounded more like a question than a statement though.

"Yeah, you might want to sit down before I start talking though," Charlie said.

I sat down, and Charlie started talking about a few different things. He'd told me in our messages that the rugby team back at Truham had bullied him so much that he got homeschooled, but now he was telling me what they bullied him about. How he wasn't even sure how the fact that he was gay had gotten out, he hadn't told that many people.

It answered a few of my questions that I hadn't known how to ask, since there were a number of people that the rugby team bullied, and a few people who started getting homeschooled from the year below me.

"If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I'd like to know now," was how Charlie stopped talking.

It was clear that he thought I might not want to talk to him anymore, and I couldn't even blame him for thinking that. If the only rugby players he'd really known had bullied him that badly, why would he trust me? I might be retired, and I might not have been one of them that had bullied him, but I was still a rugby player.

"Charlie, I'm not going to stop talking to you just because you're gay," I said. I considered just telling him about me, but even thinking about it made me nervous so there was no way I was going to tell him just yet. "You're my friend, this doesn't change that."

Chapter Text

Charlie had told me what had happened to him back at Truham in the spring, and now the summer holidays have officially started. Not just for him but also for me, I only have one year left until I get my PGCE now. I know that usually it wouldn't take this long, but I had to schedule it around rugby when I started so I haven't finished some of the class hours needed. I also needed to do my student teaching after I finished with my classes.

Today is a bit special actually, Tara and Darcy are coming over later for a queer movie night to celebrate my first day of the summer holidays. Although we all know that we'll be watching movies soon after they get here and hopefully some tomorrow as well. When I told mum that I was planning on having them over she was happy for me, and offered to go to Aunt Diane's for the night to give me some time alone with my friends. While usually I would've said that wasn't necessary, I was really looking forward to seeing some queer media and I still wasn't comfortable enough to watch it around her.

It wasn't anything to do with her, not even close. I just haven't quite figured out how or when to come out to her. I don't want to cry too much when I come out to her either, I feel like that would just make her worried and I don't want to worry her. I've been practicing to try and not cry too much with Imogen and Sahar. I know that I might but I would prefer it not turn into me crying before I've gotten it out all the way.

I keep getting told that I don't necessarily need to tell her, but I want to. I feel like once I finally come out to her, I won't feel guilty any longer. I've felt guilty for years, I was originally going to come out before I went to uni but I never did. I'd gotten in on a rugby scholarship, and I'm not sure why but I thought that telling anyone that I was queer would make that disappear, so I just didn't tell her because I didn't want her worrying about money.

After the injury, I felt like I'd wasted my life so far. I could have been one of the first out queer rugby players, but instead I was so scared that I hid it the whole time. I could have just never agreed to play for the Badgers and gotten my teaching degree, but I wanted to make a man that was hardly ever in my life happy.

Mum was already out of the house, so I didn't feel too bad thinking these things. It wasn't her fault that Stephane and David decided to go to France when I was 5, and it most definitely wasn't her fault that I wanted approval from Stephane. She always tried her best to make sure I had everything that I needed and wanted. I got to play rugby, I got to decorate my room however I wanted, I got new clothes and shoes when I needed them. I just wanted approval from the man who was supposed to be my father, the man who introduced me to rugby but then left.

I was pulled out of my regrets about my life decisions by the doorbell ringing, which most likely meant that Tara and Darcy were here since I wasn't expecting anyone else. I'd thought of inviting Imogen and Sahar, who I'd grown closer to and even considered as friends now, but I decided that for this first one it should just be Tara, Darcy, and I. Though if we had another queer movie night I was going to invite them, and we were most likely going to have another one at some point.

I got up and opened the door, surprising Tara and Darcy since I wasn't using my walker. I didn't use the walker around the house anymore, but I still used it when I was outside since walking anywhere outside was a bit more tricky. Not only were the distances longer than walking anywhere in the house, but there were also the differences in terrain.

"Since when did you not use your walker anymore?" Tara asked.

"I still use it, just not around the house," I said. "Come in."

Tara and Darcy came in and I noticed that Darcy had a backpack on, and another bag. I assume that it was mostly movies in the bags, maybe a few snacks, and an outfit for tomorrow.

"You can put your bags down, just try not to put them in the walkway," I said. "Mum took Nellie with her so you don't have to worry about her trying to nose through your bags."

Darcy immediately put her bags on the table as soon as I said they could put their bags down, and Tara searched for a place to put her bag, eventually setting it down beside the staircase.

"What movies did you bring Darcy?" I asked since I'd seen the DVD cases in their bag, which was fine because I'd told them to bring any queer movies they might have.

"I'm glad you asked Nick," Darcy said before listing a bunch of different movies. I'd actually heard of a few of them before and was excited to watch them.

The three of us decided on But I'm a Cheerleader for the first movie of the night, as it had both men and women. With each movie and show we watched I got more and more comfortable calling different actors attractive. I know that they already knew, but I haven't ever really talked openly about crushes on men, so I wasn't used to it.

Eventually we all decided it was probably time to go to sleep and figured out arrangements for that. Darcy was perfectly content with the couch, but Tara and I both needed beds so Tara decided to sleep in David's old room while I slept in my own room. David's old room had never really been upgraded from how it had been when he left to go France with our father, so it was still a fully furnished room.

It took a while for me to fall asleep because I kept replaying different parts of the night in my head. We'd watched a few different movies, but didn't even get close to watching all of them that Darcy had brought. Some of them weren't even queer movies, but movies with queer actors. We also watched movies with different actors that we found attractive, which led to a unanimous decision to watch Red, White, and Royal Blue. I found Alex attractive, Tara found Bea attractive, and Darcy found Nora attractive. I also found Nora attractive, so that was something to talk about.

We'd talked between movies too, whether it be about actors that we found attractive or just about the movies themselves. The best conversation we had was when we got pizza though, it wasn't really about the movies we were watching, just different perspectives on things. I even got to tell them a little about Charlie, I didn't give his name, just the story of how the two of us met and how cute I found him. It felt nice to talk about a guy I found attractive without trying to filter myself so I didn't say anything about that out loud. I didn't tell them that we talked nearly daily, about multiple different things, nor did I tell them anything that we really talked about that didn't pertain to myself. They would have teased me even more had they known that we talk near daily, because I wasn't able to deny what they thought, it was true. I have a crush on Charlie.

Chapter Text

I apparently didn't mute my notifications before I went to bed because I wake up to my phone's notification alert telling me that I have a text from my mum. Good thing to, the sound going off, as if gives me time to tell Tara and Darcy.

I wouldn't mind them staying for breakfast actually and the two would've been allowed to, but the two of them put their bags on the floor and if mum is coming back that means Nellie will be back as well.

I check the message first, as I don't actually know that Tara and Darcy will have to move their bags just yet, for all I know mum could be telling me that she and Diane made plans for the whole day and she was giving me a heads up so I don't start panicking when she's not home by the time I expect her to be back. Her message said what I first assumed it would say though, that she was on her way back now.

I woke up Tara first, and the two of us went downstairs together to wake Darcy. Once woken and told why, Darcy says that we'll have to meet up again for another movie night sometime soon. I tell them that I'd like that and the two of them gather their bags to leave.

After they both changed into new outfits they left, and mum came back with Nellie not long after.

"They could've stayed for breakfast, they do know that right?" mum said after she walked through the door. She'd known that Tara and Darcy would likely stay the night since we planned out the movie night, she was just unsure of the movie night's theme.

"They know mum, they just thought that it might be best if they left before you got back," I said. It wasn't a lie, the two did know that they could have stayed for breakfast, I'd told them when we first planned the movie night. "We'll be planning another one, maybe they'll stay for breakfast then."

Mum had apparently come back now because Diane had needed to get to work, a last minute emergency session. She also seemed to want some sleep, so I got my walker from by the door and started walking down to the corner store. I wanted to get an audio copy of The Song of Achilles anyway, Charlie had recommended it a while back.

I'd actually been planning to ask Charlie to meet up sometime, I was still unsure what the two of us could do though. Bowling was out as I still wasn't completely healed, the park seemed a bit boring, and the beach seemed too much like a sort-of-date for us to go together just now. I wasn't completely sure what kind of movies he liked, so that was out as well. I wasn't just going to invite him over to my house to hang out either. I'd thought of it, asking him over to the house, but what would the two of us even do? He'd told me in our text conversations that he wasn't a Marvel fan, nor was he a huge rugby fan.

I was at the store before I knew it, so absorbed in thoughts of what Charlie and I could do together that I wasn't really paying all that much attention to my surroundings. Luckily it seemed that the store did carry audiobooks, and I easily found one for The Song of Achilles. Charlie was actually under the impression that I wouldn't be a fan of this book, as it was sort of a queer love story. I've considered just giving up on my plan to have my mum be the next one I come out to so I could just tell him, as he seems to think that queer anything wouldn't be something that I'd want to see or be around too much.

He doesn't hang out with me that often, or talk to me much either, not since he told me that he's gay. I don't know how to get him to understand that I don't care, him being gay isn't going to change my opinion about him.

Another thing I've considered is just calling up a reporter for an interview so I can just tell the UK all at once that I'm queer, but I really don't want mum to find out that way. I might still do it after I come out to her though, it'd take away a lot of the pressure because people could just know, but it would also be sort of terrifying. I'd be telling the whole country, which is a bit terrifying to think about.

I see Charlie after I leave the store, he seems to be talking to someone. I don't mean to get closer, but they are in the direction I have to go to get back home.

"Sahar?" I ask much louder than I intended to when I see who Charlie is talking to. I wonder what they're talking about, I know that they both play music from time to time so maybe that's it.

Sahar looks up when when she hears her name, and smiles when she sees me.

"Hey Nick. Do you know Charlie?" she asks with a smile on her face. I know that she's doing this on purpose, I think I mentioned Charlie once in her presence but she knows that I think he's cute. I don't think Charlie notices her expression though, which is a good thing because I really don't want to explain why she was smiling like that to anyone.

"Yeah, he helped me with my groceries once while I was still in the wheelchair," I said.

"How do the two of you know each other?" Charlie asked, and I could swear that he seemed suspicious, almost like he thinks that I might have slept with her. If he knows Sahar, surely he knows that she has a girlfriend, right?

Sahar was faster to come up with an answer than I was.

"He's a friend of mine and Imogen's," she said.

I was glad that's how she said it, because while I'm not ashamed that I have a therapist and I'm sure I told Charlie at some point, I don't quite like that people could just be walking by and overhear that I'm in therapy. I'm not sure what makes the park different, I can talk about practically anything in the park, but anywhere else outside isn't someplace that I want to talk about private or personal things.

"You and Imogen?" Charlie asked, then confirms to me that he knows about their relationship.

"Does he know that the two of you are dating?" He asked this much quieter, so quiet that I wouldn't have even known that was what he said if I hadn't been paying attention.

"Yeah, he knows," Sahar said.

Chapter Text

It's been a week since Charlie found out that I'm friends with Imogen and Sahar, even while knowing that the two are together. Charlie seems to have finally gotten that I'm not going to drop him as a friend just because he's gay as well. I kind of wish that it hadn't taken him finding out that I know about Imogen and Sahar being a couple for him to believe it, but I'll take it.

He's come around the house a few times too, even if at first it was only to meet my dogs. Henry had finally come home as well, because I finally got the all clear from my physical therapist to just walk outside, no walker. This means that even if I do trip over Henry, it won't pose as big a threat as it would have before.

Charlie also knows how I came to be friends with Imogen and Sahar, how Imogen was my therapist first before she became my friend.

Today Charlie is coming over again while mum is at work. It's not that I'm hiding him from mum, just that I know that I don't look at Charlie the same way I look at my other friends and explaining that to my mother will involve coming out to her. The idea of coming out to her doesn't scare me anymore, well not as much as it did, but I don't exactly plan to come out to her because of how I look at Charlie.

I know Charlie is here before he even knocks because Henry starts barking excitedly at the window as soon as he sees that Charlie is coming by. Nellie probably would have as well if she wasn't on my knee.

I was in the wheelchair today as I'd woken up with my knee in pain, and I wanted to let it rest. Using the wheelchair made that easy, I didn't need to move my knee much this way.

I got Nellie off my knee so I could roll over to the door and open it. When I did and Charlie saw that I was in the wheelchair he said that we could do this another day, but I said it was fine and that we could do this today. I mean, we hadn't really set up a plan of what we would do and even if we did end up going to the park, it's not like I can't wheel myself there.

"Are you sure that you're okay?" Charlie asked again after he entered the house. "It's just, you've been on your feet the last few times I've seen you and now you're in the wheelchair."

"I'm fine Charlie," I said. "Just woke up with my knee aching, it's to be expected."

"So what's the plan then?" Charlie asked. "We didn't really plan anything out, and I don't know all that much that we could do with you in the wheelchair, nor do I really know much we could do even if you were out of it. You are famous after all, I'm kind of surprised there haven't been any scandals reported about you actually, especially lately."

"We could just watch movies?" I suggest. "I've got Netflix, Prime, and a few other streaming services. There are also movies on disc if you'd prefer that."

"That sounds fine," Charlie said. "I should warn you though, I might fall asleep halfway through."

I chuckle a bit and the two of us search through the streaming platforms for a movie to watch. He's actually quite surprised when he finds out that I've watched Red, White, and Royal Blue while we're searching Prime.

As he'd said, Charlie fell asleep almost halfway through Red, White, and Royal Blue, which was what the two of us agreed upon. I don't know if he was just tired, or if he usually falls asleep during movies, but it doesn't bug me. I end up falling asleep as well after the movie ends and I exit my account. I'd moved from the wheelchair to the couch to watch it, so I was comfortable.

We'd apparently slept for a while, because next thing I know I'm waking up to the door opening and my mum walking into the living room. I can just tell that she wants to ask what's going on, and I can't even blame her. She's never met Charlie, though she has heard a few things about him. There is also the fact that he's sort of laying on me, like not fully on top of me but he's using my chest as a pillow. Charlie woke up too, probably because I've started moving.

"What's going on?" Charlie asked, not having seen my mother yet. When he does it's obvious, because he starts apologizing and gets up to leave.

After he leaves mum sits down beside me, two mugs of tea in hand.

"Who was that, Nicky?" mum asked.

"His name is Charlie, I met him a while back," I told her.

"He's that new friend of yours that you talk about?"

"Yeah."

I don't know that I can hold it in any longer, because there is more to my feelings for Charlie than what she knows. I'm going to come out to her.

Chapter Text

I've started sweating, I'm so nervous. I doubt that mum will react badly, but I didn't plan to tell her like this. I don't know how to avoid telling her now though, she walked in on Charlie and I basically cuddled up together on the couch, asleep, and I don't really do that with my friends. Charlie and I are just friends though, no matter how much I wish to be more.

"Mum?"

"Yes, Nicky?"

I can see something in her eyes, but I don't know what it is. It sort of looks like she's about to cry, but not because she's sad. I don't know why she'd be looking at me like that though, so I'm sure that it's something else.

I'm not sure how to start it, whether to just rip off the band-aid and tell her I'm bi or to tell her that I really like Charlie in a romantic way. Both ways have their issues if she says anything before I can get it all out. She could assume that Charlie and I are going out, or she could assume that I'm just gay and only dated girls to fit in. I don't know if she would actually assume either, but it's possible.

"Nicky?" mum asked. I must've been thinking of how to say it for longer than I thought.

I take a deep breath, "I'm bi, and I really like him mum."

I've started crying, I can tell, but I'm not rubbing my eyes. I want mum to say something, anything, just so I can know how she feels about it. If she's not accepting it'll sting, but it's better to know now than if I brought an actual boyfriend around.

The tears have clouded my vision, and I'm starting to think that maybe mum's got a problem with me when she says something.

"Oh baby. Thank you for telling me." She wipes at my tears, and I think she might've started tearing up herself. "I'm sorry if you ever felt like you couldn't tell me that."

"It wasn't really you, just a mix of things," I said, rubbing my arm across my eyes. "Rugby was a huge reason, some of the people I hung out with, fear as well."

I told her all about my self-discovery, how I'd planned to tell her before uni but my fear of losing the rugby scholarship made me keep it to myself a while longer. I told her about how I'd kept it from everyone for years, and it had been seeing a picture on Imogen's desk as well as a pride flag that had made me open up to her.

"I'm telling a reporter," I said. "It'll save me from having to say it much more, and I'm tired of hiding it. I've hidden behind this mask for too long."

"Nicky, are you sure?" mum asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure."

I call up a reporter in the morning, with instructions that they are to publish what I say as soon as possible before I have the chance to chicken out. I've thought this through, and this is how I want the fact that I'm bi to get out. With me telling them it helps, it'll have been my decision that it got out.

The reporter had barely been out of my house for 10 minutes when the articles started popping up. The reporter I'd told posted it on their magazine's blog, and others were sort of responses to it.

I got a few texts as well, Tara and Darcy asking if I'd told a reporter, how it got out. Darcy congratulated me after I told them both that I'd told a reporter on purpose, how I just wanted to get it out. I'd gotten congratulations from both of them last night when I told them that I'd come out to my mum, so Darcy congratulating me for telling a reporter was no big surprise.

Imogen texted as well, asking if we needed to set up an emergency session. I told her that it wasn't necessary at the moment, but I'd tell her if I felt the need for one later.

I didn't have any messages from Charlie, though I didn't know if he'd even seen the articles of believed them. After all, reporters do tend to make assumptions about people, and there is nothing really proving that I said any of it except the reporter's word.

There were also a few new messages in the Badgers team groupchat, most of them asking if the article was true. One saying that it was gross, and if the articles were true I shouldn't be allowed in the chat. Nobody else said anything like that, in fact a few people defended me, saying that even if the articles were true it didn't change their opinion of me. I didn't reply to the chat though, wanting to wait until it calmed down before I said anything.

There was a frantic knocking on my door not long after I turned my phone off. I wasn't sure who it could be, and neither was mum as neither of us had invited anyone over. We didn't open the door, and after a full minute of knocking mum decided to check and see who it was at the door.

"Nicky, Charlie's here with a woman who looks a lot like him."

I went to the door, and sure enough Charlie was standing outside with a woman who looked a lot like him, I doubt that she could have been too far in age from him though.

"Hi?"

Chapter Text

The school year has come and gone, which means that I'm officially finished with all of my classes to get my PGCE. I still have student-teaching, but there won't be any more essays to write. I don't start until September though, when the new school year starts.

Last summer was eventful, after the article came out about me being bisexual the Badgers team roster changed, again. All because they refused to remove me from the team groupchat. The player they'd replaced had transferred to another team.

There was also Charlie's reaction, I don't think I'll ever forget that.

I saw who was at the door, Charlie and some unknown woman. I think the woman might be related to him, she looks so much like him.

"Hi?" I sort of asked.

"Have you seen these articles?" Charlie started with the question, no introduction. I know he's talking about the articles that have come out about my coming out even before I see his phone screen, it's obvious because otherwise he would have just sent me a text with the link and we'd laugh about it together. I think he's worried, because he doesn't know that the articles are true, or that I approved the first one.

"Hello to you too," I said.

"This isn't funny Nick, have you seen the articles or not?" Charlie asked again.

"I mean, not really, but I don't need to read them," I was playing dumb on purpose, being too casual about all of this.

"They're calling you queer, are you not worried about that?" Charlie asked, and I know now that he doesn't understand they're true. He looks like he expects me to be upset actually.

"Charlie, why should I worry? They're true, I called up the first reporter who published it myself."

He had his mouth open right after I asked the question, but he shut it as soon as I started the next sentence. I've got nothing to be ashamed of, I'm a retired rugby player who just so happens to be queer.

I can see him processing what I've said, which is fair enough. With what he's told me about the rugby players at our old school it probably would take a bit to adjust to the fact that there are queer people who play. It's obvious when it clicks for him, instead of looking worried he now looks calm, well not calm but I don't know how else to describe it. He's definitely a bit surprised as well.

"You're actually queer? The articles are true?" Charlie asks, almost like he needs to hear me say it, actually teel him that I'm queer.

"I'm bi, yeah."

After I say that Charlie kind of sinks down, and I turn to the woman he'd brought with him.

"Sorry if this is rude, but who are you?" I ask.

"Victoria Holden, this one's older sister," she says, pointing at Charlie.

"Holden?" I ask. I swear I've heard the name before, but for the life of me I can't think where I would have heard it or who it belongs to. "Isn't his last name Spring though?"

"I'm married, it was a huge thing in the news a few years ago since my husband is an Olympic speed skater here from Kent," she said. "Charlie brought me a long because I know how to help get things like this off the internet."

Charlie had stayed quiet until he left, and I still don't know why. I asked him about it once, but he just said it was a lot to wrap his head around, nothing else. I mean I can understand that it might be a lot for anyone to wrap their head around, but surely that can't be all it was, he'd been quiet for a bit too long for that to be believable, he hadn't even texted me until the next day.

The two of us still aren't together, much to my disappointment. In fact, I'm not even sure if he's aware of my feelings for him. I haven't actually told him. At first it was just because of all the media attention I was getting for a while, I mean I had to do a live interview about a week after the first article was published to confirm what had been written.

I'm still in the Badgers team groupchat as well. They had given me the choice to leave if I wanted to, but these guys are like a second family to me and I didn't want to leave. The one player who'd suggested I get removed from the chat left the team for another, and was removed from the chat entirely. Most of them have been supportive since I came out, a few even coming out themselves among the groupchat. Two of them even came out publicly.

Mum's throwing a little celebration tonight for me having finished my classes to get my PGCE. I invited a few of the Badgers, since the Badgers don't have any games for a while. I also invited Charlie, told him about the rugby players I invited and said he could bring someone with him if it would make him more comfortable. The celebration is nothing huge, just pizza at a local pizza place. I might go by the arcade after, it was right next door to the pizza place after all. I'd invited Tara, Darcy, Imogen, and Sahar as well but they were all busy.

I'd told everyone that the celebration started around 16:00, and the rugby players showed up at around 15:30. Probably because of the years of strict schedules where if you're early, you're on time and if you're on time, you're late. Charlie showed up with Tori at about 16:30, which was fine.

We all ended up going to the arcade after the pizzas were finished. I played multiple games with everyone, except Tori but she seemed to be perfectly content just sipping her drink in the corner.

The group started leaving at around 18:00, with the rugby players who'd come all giving me hugs and congratulating me before leaving, which was odd but not unwelcome. I walked Charlie and Tori out to their car when they left, giving Charlie a hug and sort of nodding to Tori, before leaving with mum.

"Did you have a nice time?" mum asked.

"One of the best."

Chapter Text

I wake up to the sound of screaming. It's not mum screaming, I know that. The screams are too deep for them to belong to mum, but I don't know who it is that is screaming. As far as I know, mum and I are the only two people in the house.

I get my phone off of its charger and turn it on as a part of my daily routine, only to be flooded with notifications, most of them articles. I barely see any of them, but the title of one catches my eye. Nick Nelson: Homewrecker?

I run downstairs to see what's going on, though now I get the feeling I know why somebody was screaming. I don't know what the article could be about though, why was this random person calling me a homewrecker?

Once downstairs I see who it was that screamed in the first place, Charlie, and on the counter is his phone. One of the, I assume, many articles is open on the phone. A picture of me with him and his sister at the top of the article. Mum must have let him in while I was sleeping, but I don't know why he would have come over because his scream earlier makes me think he hadn't seen the articles before he came over.

"Have you seen these?" Charlie asked as soon as he saw me on the stairs, pointing at his phone and the article on the screen.

"I saw a headline for one," I said. "What's with the homewrecking allegations?"

"We got photographed, me, you, and my sister. People are assuming that you and my sister are sneaking around behind Michael's back, especially since you only came out relatively recently with no public boyfriend(s) in between then and now, so people still have their straight goggles on," Charlie said. "Might not help that you're bi, so it would be theoretically possible for you and my sister to be dating."

"Is there any way to make these articles disappear, or even just prove them wrong?" I ask, not even bothering to say anything about my bisexuality. I know that he doesn't think what they do, but it still sort of stings a bit to hear.

The fact that I'm bi doesn't really prove anything in this situation. I would never help somebody cheat, and I would have thought that would be obvious to people even if they don't know me. I've spoken out about it before actually, after my ex-girlfriend had been caught cheating on me. I think cheating is wrong, and being a homewrecker is worse. Homewreckers help tear marriages apart, and I wouldn't do that to anyone, especially not a well-known couple.

I'd looked up Tori after the first time she came over, wanting to know exactly how much she would know about removing articles from the internet by finding out just how famous her husband is. Michael Holden, her husband, is actually pretty well known. Not only is he an olympic speed skater, but he's also won many competitions across the UK along with the gold medals for the olympics.

"I don't know. Michael is laughing at the articles, so at least I know there won't be any problems there," Charlie said. "It probably helps that Tori is like extremely demiromantic and asexual, so there is no chance she would cheat on him."

"Do you think Tori could help get the articles taken down?" I asked, thinking about when she told me that she knows how to get scandalous articles off of the internet after I came out. I hadn't needed it then, but right now it would be useful.

"She could try, but there are lots of them and people have probably screenshotted the articles," Charlie said. "It'd help if you were actually dating someone, because then she could get them taken down faster with other articles proving that you and my sister are just friends, and that you're dating someone else."

"You're in the pictures too though, why did they assume I was dating her?" I said, pointing out that it wasn't only Tori and I in the pictures for the first time. "I mean, I get that they probably had their, as you called them, straight goggles on, but I mean the picture is two men who aren't publicly dating anyone and one publicly married woman. It'd make more sense for them to assume that I'm dating you, not your sister."

Charlie looks shocked after I say that. Like he never even expected me to think of that, or that he never thought of it. I don't know if he's offended by the idea or not though. Maybe he's already dating someone and he's afraid that an article saying the two of us are dating would ruin their relationship even though it'd be fake.

Chapter Text

The scandals calling me a homewrecker have slowed, nearly stopped completely actually. It is impossible to get everyone in the world to believe that I'm not a homewrecker, but it is possible to prove that I'm not getting between Tori and Michael.

Michael posted a picture on his Instagram the day after the homewrecking articles started. The picture was of a plush toy that came from the arcade that Charlie, Tori, and I had been standing in front of in the picture. The caption was cute, something that he'd tagged Nick in to thank him for helping Tori win it for him. The toy was also small enough that it would have been easy to hide in the pockets of the jacket that Tori had been wearing in the picture. Tori hadn't actually won anything for him there that day, but nobody needed to know that.

People started slowing down then with the articles, and after Nick did an interview on his own Instagram revealing that he was friends with Tori's brother they slowed even more. That interview had Nick revealing quite a bit, how the picture had been taken during a celebration for him finishing his classes to get his PGCE, and how he'd found a nice friend in Tori's brother (who he didn't give a name for.)

It turns out that Charlie is single, he'd told me after I asked if the idea of the two of us dating offended him or his boyfriend. He just doesn't like attention on himself, which is fair enough, and if it had been said that the two of us were dating he would have a lot attention on him. He'd also told me that I shouldn't fake being in a relationship just to please other people, even though it had been what he said that made me think up the suggestion in the first place.

I haven't told Charlie that I like him either. I kind of think that he'd stop hanging out with me as often if I told him. I doubt he'd be rude about it, and he might even still hang out with me, just not as much as I'd like. I will tell him though, eventually. I just need to wait for things to calm down, again.

Most people I'm around seem to know that I like Charlie, whether I've told them or not. Tori actually talked to me about it, and I never told her. Michael knows as well, even though I've never met him. I don't know if Tori told him, or if he just gets a feeling from things Charlie tells him, which I've learned that Charlie tells people about me quite a bit. I know that he knows that I know, he sent me a dm about it. I kind of feel like Charlie is the only person that I talk to on a regular basis that doesn't know I like him.

I've gotten to know one of Charlie's friends as well, Elle. Charlie has told me about the others, but I haven't really met them. Charlie says that Isaac absolutely loves books, almost always has his nose buried in one, but is very perceptive and sees things that others don't often. I kind of can't wait until I meet him. Tao on the other hand, Charlie says that Tao is overprotective and a great ally but can be a bit rude to people who play sports, especially rugby.

I also learned that Isaac is the English Lit teacher that Charlie had mentioned the day we met and that Tao is a film studies teacher at the same school. Isaac met Charlie at the school they all work at, and Tao met Charlie in uni.

Elle is fantastic though. I've learned that she's dating Tao, but they aren't really all that alike. She also has some issues with rugby players because of bullying, but like Charlie she's civil with them and doesn't think all are equal. Elle seems to love art, which makes so much sense as she's an art teacher. She's the same age as me as well. She met Charlie while they were in uni at an LGBT+ Society meeting.

Imogen and I have talked more, in and outside of therapy. I've made peace with the fact that my life will be different from now on, so now I just go to therapy because it's actually kind of nice. Charlie has become a frequent conversation topic between the two of us, actually. I've talked to her about how I should tell Charlie how I feel. She doesn't really have any advice for me there, but she does tell me that I don't have to tell him if I don't want to.

I've told Charlie some stuff, things I tend to keep to myself. The whole world of rugby fans know that my parents are divorced, but Charlie knows how old I was when the divorce happened. Charlie knows about David, and I've never really told anyone about him. There are people that know I have a brother, but nobody knows as much as Charlie, besides mum. Imogen doesn't even know all of it. Charlie knows that David wasn't the best brother, and how I remember him practically begging our mother to let him go with our father. Charlie knows about Stephane, how I don't consider him a dad but I did rugby because I thought that it might please him. Charlie knows that I haven't had any contact with either my brother or father since the divorce.

I try to clear my mind of all this because I'm meeting up with Charlie and his friends later, or more accurately they're meeting up with me. We're hanging out at my house since I don't really leave the house much at the moment, maybe I will more at some point but right now I just want to avoid the eyes on me.

Charlie had thought it would be a good idea for Elle to be there when I met Tao, which is fine. Apparently Elle is the only one who can keep Tao from ranting about or pointing out different things that bug him, so I'm grateful that he thought it was a good idea.

We're going to be watching some films,and I've been thoroughly warned that Tao has some opinions and takes watching films very seriously. I've also been told that Isaac will likely have his nose in a book, but that Isaac will likely have his nose in a book, but that he'll still be listening if I want to talk to him. Though I should wait until there is a break between the movies, or we've completely stopped watching them, before trying to talk to anyone.

I've just ordered the pizzas, Charlie gave me everyone's preferred orders when we were planning this, when the first person arrives.

Chapter Text

Elle was the first to arrive, a bit odd in my opinion but not unwelcome. At least Tao wasn't the first to arrive. Charlie told me what Tao thinks of me, and it doesn't sound like he has any good opinions about me. Tao hasn't read any article attached to any sports player, which on one hand in helpful because he hasn't read the homewrecking allegations but on the other it's unhelpful because that means that he doesn't know I'm bi. Meaning that I'll have to tell him myself. Charlie refuses to tell him, and the others don't want to either. It's not a secret, obviously, but they still feel like it's not something they can tell him.

Mum was here earlier and helped me set some things up, mostly just reorganizing some things. She knows there will be a movie night, in fact she helped me plan it out on a day that she had plans. She planned out something to do with her sister for tonight.

"Hey Elle, I've just ordered the pizzas so they'll be here later," I said. "You can take a seat anywhere except for the blue armchair."

I'd gotten the armchair not long after Tara and Darcy had been over for our movie night between the three of us, and it had only been delivered a few days ago. It had been a recommendation from my physical therapist, getting an armchair that was sort of customized around me. I chose the color based on the color ink I used for my fountain pens in school.

"What pizzas did you order?" Elle asked.

"I got two pizzas each per person. Sausage, pepperoni, cheese, and Hawaiian. So there are four Hawaiian pizzas," I said.

"Why so many?" Elle asked.

"It's better to have too much than not enough. You'll all be free to take your leftovers if you want," I said.

Charlie and Isaac were the next to arrive, Isaac introducing himself as soon as I opened the door. The two arrived together, saying that Tao would be here after the pizza arrived. Apparently that was the deal he'd made with Charlie, that he would only arrive after the pizzas arrived so that he'd have something to distract him from me.

I wish, not for the first time, that one of them would just tell Tao that I'm so much more than a rugby player. It seems like he's just go all these ideas about me that just aren't true. I can sort of understand why, Charlie told me that none of them had the best experiences with rugby players. Elle and Charlie were both bullied for being queer, Elle being trans and Charlie being gay. Tao had also been bullied, for his opinions about different things. Isaac hadn't really been bullied exactly, none of them ever said anything to or about him, but he'd had a falling out with someone because of rugby. Charlie's bullying had been worst, not only did they attack him with words, but also with physical violence. Elle's bullies only used words, but it was still bad. They'd dead name her and call her different slurs, but she had actually stood up for herself a bit and the bullies didn't get physically violent with her. I'm not a bully though, and never have been. I just wish Tao would accept that.

As I'd been warned, Isaac buried his nose in a book after introductions has been made. I didn't mind much.

After the pizzas arrived Charlie texted Tao, and sure enough he came over not long after. He was the only one to question why none of them were allowed to sit in the armchair, and after I gave the explanation he scoffed.

"Tao, be nice. Nick was injured, badly. It makes sense that he'd need a chair for himself," Charlie said.

"You can pick the movie, if you want," I said, giving a peace offering.

Tao chose a movie that I'd never seen before, and it was pretty clear why I hadn't seen it long after the movie started. It was definitely a horror film. I didn't say anything about it, hoping that this would make him less prickly, but then I jumped in my chair and winced after.

"Tao, stop the movie," Charlie said after I jumped. I don't know if he heard me wince, or if it just looked like it would have hurt me when I jumped, but either way I was grateful. "You ok, Nick?"

"Not a huge fan of horror movies," I said, hoping that would be the end of it but I couldn't hide another wince, my back hurts.

"What's wrong with you rugby lad?" Tao asked, and it was clear he didn't like me nor did he actually care. I already knew that, but to hear it and have it confirmed hurt.

I got up out of my chair and went up to my room to try and hide how much what he'd said hurt. My back hurts too, which wasn't helpful with the stairs. I heard the argument start before I got to my room, in fact I had to sit down before I got to my room. So I was just sitting down on the floor outside my room and leaning against the wall.

"Tao Xu, I get that you don't like rugby players but Nick hasn't done a thing to you. He's nice, and he was injured badly over a year ago now," Charlie said. "He's retired, and will likely never play rugby in any capacity ever again."

"How can none of you see that he's a threat? Does he even know about you Charlie, or you Elle?" Tao asked, apparently he seemed to think all rugby players are homophobic and/or transphobic which hurt to hear.

"He knows Tao, and he has 0 issues. For fucks sake, I wasn't going to tell you because I thought that Nick should do it himself but he's very publicly bi. Even if he wasn't bi or public about it, he hasn't made a single homophobic or transphobic comment to me or Elle and he's very polite," Charlie said. "Why won't you just trust Elle and I when we tell you that he's nice?"

I turned out the rest of the argument, partially because I just didn't want to hear it but also because I needed to concentrate on my back. It doesn't hurt in nearly the same way as it had after the injury, which is good. It was healed, but the doctors had warned me that it would be tender for a while, and to avoid doing anything to strenuous for at least another few monts at my last appointment. Luckily my back doesn't feel like anything is out of place, so I don't feel like I need to go to the emergency department. I must've dozed off, or fallen asleep, or something though because the next thing I know Charlie is sitting beside me.

Chapter Text

I should have known that Tao would continue to be prickly around Nick even if we were going to have a movie night in Nick's house. I was hoping that he might try to reign it in, and not automatically view Nick as the enemy, but I was wrong.

It all started with that stupid arguments that we had before I even left for Nick's. Tao and Isaac had met up with me at my house, and I'd thought the plan was that the three of us would all go over together. Tao was against that and compromised that he would come over after the pizza had arrived, his other idea was that he'd just go back home.

Elle and I both have told him hundreds of times that Nick is nothing like any of the rugby players that any of us encountered in secondary school. I really did think that Nick should be the one to tell Tao that he's bi though, because that's Nick's identity and it should be his choice as to who knows (even though he's already revealed it to basically everyone online.)

From the second Tao arrived I knew there would be more issues than I wanted. Tao was acting civil-ish, but he was being cold. It didn't take long for him to not act civil at all though. First with the question that nobody else had asked, it was Nick's house and if he didn't want any of us to sit in a specific chair that was up to him. Then he picked a horror movies, which he'd been warned that Nick didn't do well with. I got really mad though when Nick looked like he might start crying before he went upstairs.

"Tao Xu, I get that you don't like rugby players but Nick hasn't done a thing to you. He's nice, and he was injured badly over a year ago now," I said, I might have been a bit loud. "He's retired, and will likely never play rugby in any capacity ever again."

Nick had actually told me that himself. He didn't want to risk aggravating the already existing injury, so he wasn't sure he'd ever play again.

"How can none of you see that he's a threat? Does he even know about you Charlie, or you Elle?" Tao asked, looking between Elle and I.

"He knows Tao, and he has 0 issues. For fucks sake, I wasn't going to tell you because I thought that Nick should do it himself, but he's very publicly bi," I said, watching Tao's reactions to see if they changed, they didn't. "Even if he wasn't bi or public about it, he hasn't made a single homophobic or transphobic comment to me or Elle and he's very polite. Why won't you just trust Elle and I when we tell you that he's nice?"

Tao opened his mouth, I assume to answer the question, when Elle spoke up. Not even giving him the time to start with his negative opinions.

"Tao Xu, you'd better leave. Don't come back until you're ready to apologize to Nick," Elle said. "Stop just painting everybody that plays rugby with the same brush, they aren't all the same as the assholes that bullied us. You're the one being the bully now."

Tao looked like he was about to argue his case again when Isaac spoke up.

"Tao, read up on Nick Nelson. Get to learn what he's told the world about himself, and don't just throw out an empty apology when you start getting lonely and want to talk to us again, because I won't be talking to you until after I get confirmation that you've apologized to that poor man."

Tao left without saying another word. Just went to the TV and took his movie before walking out the door, leaving his pizzas. My phone buzzed with a new text not long after.

I hope the two of you aren't siding with Isaa on this whole not talking to me thing.

Tao made a groupchat with just Elle and I, to send us that. I just ignored it, because I am siding with Isaac. I'm not talking to Tao again until Nick gets an apology that he's satisfied with, and looking over at Elle I can see that she's probably siding with us as well.

"You think you know a guy," Elle said. "I can't believe he didn't trust us when we told him that Nick's a good guy."

I just shrug, not really wanting to talk about it any more. Tao has always been a bit prickly about rugby players, I know that, but the way he was treating Nick just isn't right. Nick did nothing to deserve any of it.

"I'm going to go check on Nick," I say.

"Okay, the two of us are probably going to go. I don't know that Nick will really be up to continue the movie night," Elle said and Isaac just nodded along.

I go upstairs, and what I see almost breaks my heart. Nick is just sitting, back up against the wall, outside his bedroom door. I can tell that he's kind of spaced out as well. He has tear tracks going down his cheeks, and if he's spaced out like I suspect I doubt that he can tell. I just go over to him and sit beside him, rubbing my hand up and down his arm.

He put all this effort into planning out a movie night. He'd made sure to get everyone their own pizza as well, even Tao. In fact, getting two for everyone. He'd planned this around his mum's schedule, making sure that none of us would be disturbing her.

I wish Tao could just see what the rest of us do. Nick is like the literal embodiment of a golden retriever, and he did absolutely nothing to deserve what Tao said. I just hope that Nick knows that.

Chapter Text

A few weeks have passed since the disaster that was supposed to be a movie night/ introduction to the rest of Charlie's friends, and Tao still hasn't apologized for his behavior. I know they're waiting for him to apologize to me, Isaac let that little fact slip after we properly met. He'd also let slip that none of them were talking to Tao until he gave me a proper apology. Each of them knows that I know, and they've all told me the same thing when I tell them that they don't need to not talk to their friend just because he was rude to me.

"He needs to learn that he can't treat all people who play sports in a similar way to how they treated any of us in secondary school."

Charlie was actually the most adamant that Tao should apologize to me, apparently Tao had messaged Charlie individually. Charlie won't tell anyone what the message said though, just that Tao had sent a message that made him even more adamant that the apology needed to be satisfactory.

Isaac has come by a few times, each time with a new audiobook he thinks that I'll enjoy. I think that he was a bit disappointed when I told him that I don't really read books, but instead listen to them. At least until he found out that I'm dyslexic, after that he started to find audiobook copies of each book he thinks that I might like.

Charlie has come over some as well, but the one who comes over the most is Elle. Elle apparently had lots of plans that she cancelled because of Tao not apologizing yet, but she doesn't want to just do nothing and stay at her house, which luckily she doesn't share with Tao, so she's been coming by mine to hang out with me.

Today was an interesting day. Elle had plans to go see an art exhibit by herself, Isaac was at his favorite book shop, and Charlie was meeting up with someone else who studied Classics with him. All this meant that I had the day to myself, which was nice because I wanted a day to myself. Just a day to sit back and watch some Marvel movies and shows.

I kind of think that Tao isn't going to apologize. I know that I don't really know him as well as the others, but it's been a few weeks after all. Surely if talking to the others was so important to him he would've apologized by now. It's not even like he has much excuse for not apologizing either, he knows where I live.

I'd already watched a few movies when there was a knock on the door. Mum was at work, so that was her out of the people that it could have been. Charlie had messaged me just 10 minutes ago to tell me that he was in London, so that was him out. Isaac can spend hours in a book shop and Elle absolutely loves art, so I doubt it would be either of them unless something had happened. Neither of the dogs were barking, so I knew it had to have been someone that had been here before, recently. The problem is, not many people come by anymore so I don't know who it could be, just who it couldn't. It couldn't be Tara and Darcy, as they weren't in town at the moment, and Imogen never comes by without warning.

I looked through the peephole and didn't see anyone or anything, so I wasn't really sure if it would be safe to open the door. I did open the door though, after about 5 minutes and saw an unmarked envelope on the ground. I looked around to see who could've been the one to place it there, but there wasn't anyone I really thought could have been the one to place it there. I mean, the neighbors were sitting outside and they could have placed a letter but it wasn't likely. The would have just told me what they had to say, not written it down for me to read.

I decided to open the unmarked envelope slowly, and inside it was a letter like I'd thought there might have been. An apology letter, it took me a while to read but I did eventually finish reading it. It was from Tao.

Nick,
I suppose that I actually owe you an apology, I was way out of line the other night. I have terrible experiences with sports players, but I should have believed Charlie and Elle when they told me that you were different.
I'm sure you've been told by each of my friends that none of us have the best experiences with sports players, especially those who play rugby.
My father died when I was 12, and it wasn't long after that when my secondary school's rugby team started picking on me. I was just the tall, gangly Asian kid that cried in art classes and was known to have strong opinions about things, whether those opinions were good or bad.
The rugby team had lots of different things they used to pick on about me. Whether it be my film taste, the food I ate, or the fact that I was a loner.
My mum told me that I should talk to someone, whether it be the school counselor or a trusted teacher about what was happening. But I didn't want to involve anyone, because I felt that I could take care of it myself.
I did, for the most part. Almost got expelled from school after a fight with one of the rugby team, actually. I still maintain that the guy deserved it, and the only reason I was able to get away with minimal punishment was because of a note from my therapist, who my mum had finally managed to talk me into getting, and the fact that there was video evidence that the other guy had started the fight.
But none of this was any reason to think you'd be anything like that. For one, all of us are older now and they've probably mellowed out a bit. Then there is the fact that you are publicly queer, I actually looked you up after I left your house the other week. I was surprised, but I shouldn't have made any assumptions in the first place.
I actually read a few articles, your stance on what a relationship should be surprised me as well. Again, I shouldn't have assumed. A lot of things surprised me actually.
I read a few different articles about you coming out. The reasons behind why you'd waited make sense, and I guess people like me are part of it.
I am sorry though, I should have stopped viewing everybody who plays sports like the people from secondary years ago.
- Tao

I sent a text to Charlie, telling him that Tao apologized and gave an explanation for his behavior, after I finished reading the letter. I left out the fact that Tao's apology had to be read, because I didn't feel the need to give Charlie something else to get onto Tao about. I'll tell Tao that I'm dyslexic myself sometime. For now though, this apology is good.

Chapter Text

The school year has started, and with it my first year of student teaching. I'm doing my student teaching at the local primary school, and while I'm unfamiliar with most of the staff it's been ok. Elle works here as well, so if on the off chance one of the teachers doesn't know me or my limitations I don't have to explain things to them myself. It's not that I don't like talking about my old career, but sometimes explaining why I'm no longer there is a challenge.

My birthday is actually coming up soon as well, I'll be 30. I don't know how all the students found out, because the staff aren't supposed to bring up things like that and none of the students had any idea who I was on the first day, but the whole class I'm working with knows. It was nice actually, with none of them knowing about my rugby career I was able to just be a normal teacher. The others on staff are all aware that I was a professional rugby player, but it doesn't seem to matter too much to them. I'm a teacher now, and that's the thing that we all focus on.

I'm in a groupchat with Charlie and his friends now, along with separate chats with each of them individually. There is also a separate groupchat including Sahar, Imogen, Tara, and Darcy. Tao has sent me multiple apologies since the written one, including an apology for giving a written apology after he found out that I'm dyslexic. The groupchat with just Charlie and his friends is mostly just us talking about different teacher things, or us making plans together that don't involve Sahar, Imogen, Tara, and Darcy.

The latest topic in the groupchat with everyone is my birthday. Elle brought it up after she'd overheard a few students talking about it during their art class. All of them had known that my birthday was coming up, but nobody had thought to ask if I actually wanted to do anything before Elle. There will be no big party, but we'll be having a small celebration amongst ourselves. I've told all of them that I don't need presents, but I don't actually know that they'll all go through with not buying presents.

The party is this weekend, and today is my actual birthday. When I walked into the classroom it was fully decorated in the Badgers team colors and students were wearing rugby shirts with my name and number over their uniforms, guess that explains why I was held up in the office until after the bells rang.

After lunch the whole class got cookies. The actual teacher told me after that a few of the students had tried to get a cake but with all the different needs and allergies it was safer to just get a variety of different cookies.

I had a few different texts that had been sent during the school day, mostly just the guys from the rugby groupchat, but most people who texted me happy birthday waited until after the school day was finished, makes sense since they all know my job and a few of them are also teachers. My aunt sent me this long paragraph wishing me a happy birthday and telling me how proud she was of me.

The rugby groupchat texts made sense, they obviously have their own schedule and just sent it whenever they had the time to. Most of them had been sent while they would have been having lunch.

I didn't have any texts from Charlie though, which was odd. I mean, he knows that it's my birthday and most of the birthday texts happened in groupchat which means that he's seen them in two of the chats that he's in.

The school day ended over an hour ago at this point, and I've been home for the past ten minutes. If Charlie wanted to say happy birthday in person he could, I mean he knows where I live. I get that the party we have planned out isn't until this weekend, but he could at least say happy birthday today.

I've almost given up any hope of him saying happy birthday when a text comes through from Tori. She and Michale had both already wished me a happy birthday this morning before school hours, so I wasn't really expecting to hear from her again.

Charlie's in the hospital.

Chapter Text

Charlie’s in the hospital.

That’s the message, there’s nothing else. I wait about 5 minutes to see if Tori messages me anything else, but no which I guess is a good thing. If Charlie were in the hospital for something serious I feel like she might explain a bit more.

There’s only one hospital in the area, but I don’t know if Charlie or Tori would want me there. For all I know Tori texted me that because she thought I might be worried about not having received a birthday message from Charlie.

Around 10 minutes later I get another message from Tori.

Hey Nick, happy birthday. I broke my phone falling down the stairs at work, and my arm. Sorry for not messaging you earlier - Charlie

I breathe out a sigh of relief, because while I had a feeling that Charlie wasn’t in the hospital for anything too serious it is a relief to see it written out.

Tori, if you’ve got your phone back tell Charlie no sorries. I’m glad he’s ok, my birthday can wait. I can even text the groupchat and hold off the party for a bit if he’s not feeling up to it.

The next message comes not long after I sent mine.

Charlie is saying that he can’t possibly have you do that, hold back the party I assume. He’s being discharged right now and I’ll take him to get a new phone before I drop him off with you.
I assume that’s okay?

I don’t receive any more messages from Tori after I tell her that it’s fine to drop Charlie off here. I assume that he’ll need help with certain things with his broken arm. I know that he’ll need to make sure he doesn’t get his cast wet, but I don’t even know which arm he broke so I don’t know what all he’ll need help with. If he broke his left arm he’ll need a bit more help since that’s his dominant arm.

ETA 5 minutes

I got that text from Charlie, so now I know that he kept his number. I also know now that I have 5 minutes to ready the place, and warn mum that we’ll have Charlie staying with us for a while. Mum is out shopping at the moment, so I should probably warn her now in case she feels the need to get more.

Charlie will be staying with us for a while, sorry I didn’t give you more notice.

Luckily mum is an angel and didn’t have a negative reaction, just said that she’d take a while longer doing shopping. She also asked me to ask Charlie for a few food recommendations, which I told her I would.

As soon as Charlie arrived at the house I knew that he hadn’t told me the whole reason that he’d been in the hospital. His left arm was broken, but he’d also obviously gotten stitches on his leg as well. As soon as he got to the couch he fell asleep very quickly.

“I know that Charlie didn’t tell you the full reasoning for why he was in the hospital,” was the first thing Tori said. “He’s got a minor concussion, a broken arm, and stitches on his leg. He’s a bit loopy at the moment, they gave him some pretty strong painkillers while we were still at the hospital.”

“Does he have specific care instructions then?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Tori said, handing me a packet. “These are the instructions that were given to me at the hospital.”

As Tori was about to leave I decided to ask her the question mum wanted me to ask Charlie.

“Does Charlie have any specific foods that he enjoys?” I ask.

“Make sure you have plenty of bread for toast, and pasta.”

“How about foods he doesn’t like, or can’t have?”

“None,” Tori said. “Though try not to watch him while he eats.”

I agreed not to watch Charlie while he eats and sent mum a message.

Tori says that Charlie likes toast and pasta, and that we should try not to watch him while he eats. He’s got a minor concussion, his arm is broken, and he got stitches. He’s asleep on the couch at the moment.

Checking the packet I was given with Charlie’s care instructions I also found out that he had a sprained ankle, nothing too bad regarding that. The instructions were pretty basic, ice his ankle, keep him away from screens, and check his stitches every so often. There was also a list of ways to keep his cast dry.