Work Text:
“bella cmon you should date me im better” said jacob
“no babe i am better bc im sparkly” countered eddie boy
“you both suck so bad. Pls leave me alone” izabella swan dementia raven way leave the losers to sulk.
da boys look at each other. they know what they need to do
“we need to make out. Its the only way” they say in sync like creepy twins
sloppy goopy making out ensues. Goosh noises echo off the mountains. Birds fly away so fast there are bird shaped holes in fences.
bella is already in arkansas, dating a guy named john. Everybody loves john, including you. hes great, dont worry about it.
anyway back to oopy gloopuy time. Vampire and werewolf spit turns into acid actually when u mix them so it is not going well.
Alice is at home and chilling. good job alice.
Jacobward has glorbed. All Hail jacobward, amalgamation extraordinaire. they-he is unfortunately really sexy. yeah we dont know why either. Jacob got long hair again tho so at least we have that
charlie (i think hes bellas dad?????? probably?) is dating this guy named nick nelson. Wait. no yeah tahts right, nobody fact check that.
We all good 👍