Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“It’s a fresh start, from everything we’ve been through.” 

The words of encouragement were a darling move from my mother, making me thank God that she was somewhat able to recognise the look of disgust and discomfort on my face. When I first heard we would be around 800 miles away from my old school and living in the bustling city of Tokyo, the overwhelming nausea almost made me faint. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t like Tokyo. Believe me, I did. I loved the idea that there could be somewhere so beautiful and bold, with bright flashing lights and a soul imbedded everywhere in its air… the noises of a thousand different stories blended into one. It just nauseated me that I wouldn’t be going there for a cute, minimal 5 day trip. I was to live there for what would be the rest of my life.

Could you imagine it? I couldn’t. Not even as we pulled up to the marble gates and a straight faced security guard held his posture, signalling with a stiff bent arm for us to make our way inside with the car, the mechanism controlled bars in front of us sliding open with a singular beep. 

It was all far too cliche like in a badly set up and budgeted for movie. Except this time, it appeared the setting was about as bougie and reeked of generational wealth more than anything. 

The car took a turn around the centre piece fountain and although the sight was distracting, so was the show of a group of people with black suits coming out one by one from a side door of the mansion. They aligned themselves in front of where my mother had parked, and I felt a knot grow as I realised this was reality. Contrasting to my mother’s clearly impressed gasp, I’ll be the first to admit. 

It was only when I involuntarily gulped, that I realised I’d been holding my breath in a bit due to anticipation of seeing the faces of the two men that would now be plastered in every corner of my life and in the upcoming ‘family’ photos. The head of the Gojo clan and his son. 

My arm jolted a little in surprise as I zoned back into reality and my mother gripped me. Her cold hands contrasted her lit up eyes and I followed her gaze, reluctantly to where they led. The main doors had been left ajar, with a black slit in between being replaced by the entrance of a tall, wide shouldered and wrinkled yet put together man. He had a clean kept beard and a hand in his suit pocket, and from one glance it was safe to say my dearest mother was indeed trapped behind the facade of his cleanliness. He made his way with ease and confidence to the car, the gold he wore around his wrists and finger being shone on coincidentally by the headlights of our car.

I was almost done berating him in my head, feeling amusement laughing at the way the rich walked until I caught sight of another figure that held open the door behind the first man. He was much younger, and I could’ve only assumed he was of a similar age to me. He was also of a similar height, both of them looking beyond 6 feet. 

Unlike his presentable father however, he reeked of an arrogance and distain. His pace and body language walking to the car was full of reluctance, and his eyes were kept to the ground the entire time but like father like son, his hands were shoved deep inside of his jogger pockets. He wore a black shirt, not even buttoned up as I could make out his white vest underneath. 

“I can’t wait for you to meet them!” My mother rattled on, practically jumping out of the car and I watched as the older man’s smile seeped in, and for once I could see something genuine out of them. He held his arms wide open and stopped in his tracks for her, the servants watching the show with grins as the eccentric manner of my mother caused her to practically jump on to him, hugging him with giggles falling from her mouth. 

It was only then, goosebumps trickled into the side of my neck and I turned my head for my gaze to fall on to the younger man. He was staring right at me. That too, with an expression of complete lack of care, and if we’re pushing it further maybe even irritation. 

I followed my mother’s actions by coming out of the car, pulling my hoodie sleeve down to support my body from the cold. I guess the one thing even the rich can’t buy is warm air at night. 

His eyes flickered away from me immediately and I felt an internal cringe at the display we were both putting on, but I figured the quicker I get things over and done with, the better. 

I stood behind my mother with small, silent steps as if she was a shield to protect me from people’s expectations, but in all fairness I’d never been given a handbook on how to greet the people who are going to become your step-family. 

Eyes held on to the older, more open man who seemed to be authoritative, I waited for him to say something like “Let’s go inside,” Partially so I could get out of this ridiculous cold and partially so we could skip the awkward silence.

His gaze however fell on to me, and he stepped to the side where I’d been using my mother as a human disguise, looking at me as though I was some shy creature. I wasn’t. Not normally anyways. I straightened my posture and I gave a box smile, to which I could’ve sworn the more arrogant one started snickering at me. 

My gaze fell back on to him and he held his chin high, hands still in his pocket as we maintained eye contact. Jerk. 

As if the father knew, he turned to his son and nudged him, probing him to come forward and introduce himself. 

“This is my son, Satoru. It’s so nice to meet you Y/N… I’m sure Satoru and you will become the best of friends.” 

The bastard held an unbothered expression, flimsily pulling his hand out of his pocket and reaching out to me. If it wasn’t for the clear anticipation on my mother’s face, and the fact that she kept rambling on in the car about how I had to be polite, I also extended mine from the comfort of my hoodie pocket and shook his.

I looked down as our hands collided, his grip loose and his effort weak. To match, I was the first to retreat my hand, sinking it back in. 

The tour of the house inside was as anyone would’ve expected. It was like you would see in the movies with double sets of staircases, rooms that seem to never end, artwork hanging off the walls that should be showcased in a museum and random statue props littering the place. It was also not a home, and I could tell you that for sure. The white on white everywhere I went felt like an over-used wedding hall, and the minimalist furniture plastered around told me with all of it’s neatness that it was probably never used. 

But, to give them some leeway I had to wonder what they would even bother doing in the house. The father from the articles I’d always read searching up about the man my mother fell deeply in love with had no home life as he was consistently trading business deals as the CEO of Gojo enterprises. The son? He lived a live devoid of paparazzi and his father paid to make sure it was that way, and I knew nothing much about him. 

They all sat down on the sofa together, and I looked at them with an oddity I couldn’t explain. I had no clue how this was going to work, and to be honest I didn’t want to imagine. 

“I’m going to see if you have juice in the kitchen.” I bluntly said, forcing another smile from my mouth directed towards the father. It was only his approval for now I needed according to my mother. 

The kitchen had a black and white tile floor, with stools set up around a centre block for a table and there were 3 different ovens, as well as all the household appliances one could think of. I held my gaze on its appearance for a few seconds before regaining focus and opening up the fridge. “Cmon… juice?” My eyes searched endlessly in what seemed like an expanse of an all you can eat buffet containing anything but that which I wanted, which was so typical of my luck. 

I let out an expressive sigh, shutting the door but even then I wasn’t expecting the way I would jump back, eyes widened and flinching like an idiot. 

“Juice? You’re not one of those obnoxious girls who only drink liquor?” My lovely ( clearly ) step-brother tilted his head at me and picked up the juice in his hands, shoving it against me and waiting for me to grab it.

”So you’re the stuck up brat?” I inquired, delivering the same harsh, hostile tone as him. Two can play at that game. Almost amused with my words, he let out a small huff and smirked at me, silent like his thoughts were saying everything. 

“You can’t call me stuck up. You don’t know me.” He challenged, prying the juice out of my hands again. Great, already up to using authority. 

“You’re right, but I’m getting to know you and I’m still heading in that direction.” I say with a level of denial in my tone at how outrageously annoying he is. 

“Oh I’m sorry step-sis. Was I meant to treat you like a princess?” He crosses his arms over, testing me silently with his humoured expression locked on to my face. He must’ve felt so satisfied to see the defensiveness I showed.

”Rich coming from the one who’s lived like a princess his whole life. You should treat people how you want to be treated, so I’d argue yes. You should treat me like that.” I held my ground, and the atmosphere in the kitchen all of a sudden changed into something more tense, the back and forth passing of the orange juice not helping whatsoever.

I let him have it this time. Something in my head finally told me it was time to stop. He grabbed my wrist with barely any force, taking the orange juice out of my grip and not continuing to make eye contact with me anymore, like he was bored and now dissatisfied.

“I don’t know what planet of poor you come from… but the way we work around here is different. You get in my way, and I will show you something far beyond your expectations.”

His words were filled with a threat, laced with setting up boundaries and territories already.

“Oh, and another thing. Your hoodie is clearly not good at keeping you warm, nor is it good at hiding things. I could see… you were getting very affected by the cold. Don’t walk around like a whore. It’s tasteless.” 

Chapter Text

As if it wasn’t pretentious enough, with the way he was acting. That was the final blow. I looked down at my shirt as soon as he left the kitchen with this victorious grin, and sure enough he was right. It was subtle, but now it was all I could see. 

Panicking, I analysed the kitchen searching for a solution till my eyes fell on the kitchen tissue. Folding pieces, I stuffed them under my shirt just enough to act like padding. 

In that moment? I hated him. More than anything. For embarrassing me, and for knowing it.

Re-entering the living room with a walk of shame, I felt comforted to see that he wasn’t there anymore.

“Y/N darling, it’s late. Why don’t you sleep?” 

Words like music to my ears, I nodded glad-fully so, the first thing I did gladly since I got here. 

-

The morning was new to me too. My mother woke me up at 8:00AM sharp, something she had never cared to do before. Out of habits, I got out of bed to be greeted by the morning breeze from my ajar window, a personality-less room gazing back at me. 

The door opened without warning and I glanced back, expecting to see my mother with a plate of pancakes, but instead I was met by shock and horror as I clasped myself, speeding to my blanket and wrapping myself in it.

“Well. What a sight to ruin my morning.” He snarked, glancing away before carelessly tossing something at my bed. “My dad wanted me to hand you the keys.” 

I furrowed my brows at him, leaving him looking back at me with a face of confusion. 

“Your new Tesla?” He said the words with irritation behind each breath, as if I was incompetent for not knowing.

“What the fuck do you mean… my new Tesla?” If it wasn’t for the discomfort I felt of being half naked under the blankets shielding me, I would’ve walked over to him and checked to see if those keys were even real. 

“The new Tesla that came this morning. The one you’ll take to school, duh. Yeah, you’re poor… but that can’t be an impression on us.” He fully entered the room now, surveying around it as if looking for something to scrutinise. Sure enough, he did.

”For a girl, you’re tasteless. Your room has as much intrigue as the bottom of my shoe.”

There was a thin silence between the both of us before he glanced back down at me again with my hands wrapped tightly around the cloth. 

“Right.” He turned, ready to leave me alone with the information to bear but I couldn’t help but to stop him. 

“Wait… Satoru.” It was the first time his name spilled out of my mouth, and sure as well it felt like ass when it rolled off my tongue as well.

”I don’t know how to drive.” 

“Love of fucking-“

-

It’s safe to say that after that, a very frustrated Satoru Gojo made me follow him all the way to the mansion’s car park, hurling insults at me all the way.

”18 and at her big age she can’t drive!” 

I scoffed, catching up to him as he practically speed walked his way over to the vehicle, reaching out with my index finger to poke my Tesla to see if it was real.

”Nuh uh.” His grip on my wrist was like a warning, pressing my hand back against my stomach.

”You touch it… and I’ll kill you. That’s my dad’s money right there. You’re not gonna fuck it up till you learn how to drive.” I scoffed again, two times in a single minute being a crazy record since I first got here.

”Oh and for your information…” He turned and glanced at me, his eyes full of dread at my argumentative nature. 

“I’m 17. Not 18.” He looked me up and down, eyes scanning my body shamelessly before glancing back up at my face and I removed my eyes off of him, looking around pettily. 

“I should’ve figured.”

3 times in one minute. It’s a scoffing record.

Before I could think of a quick witted reply, his escape was even quicker. He started walking again, down the lot until we reached the sport cars. My eyes widened, the corner of my lip twitching to smile as I watched him raise his hand and click the car key. I waited with excitement for one of the cars to beep back at him until a discordant noise sounded from the side of us, his expression one of bold happiness. 

“Not that one, princess. That one.” I can’t tell if it was rage or disappointment bubbling inside of me, but either way it was safe to say I was entirely livid. I slowly, like waiting to be jump scared, turned to make eyes with the most bust up, normal and average looking car there, the smallest size too.

”Would you look at that? It matches with you. How nice and cute.” He mumbled. I whipped back my head to deliver him a hostile glare, only to be met with him from the keys at me. I grabbed it and stood there stiff, waiting for him to tell me he was kidding or something.

”Get in then. I either teach you today or tomorrow. Either way, you’re not getting in my car.” 

The interior was stuffier, and yet somehow my mood was starting to lift as I saw him clearly shift in discomfort. It was a two sided sword, and clearly he was too blind to see how this would affect him too. It was small, cramped and when we moved it would creak.

”What is this car even doing with your dad’s precious assortment of rich shit?” I giggled, not able to contain the joy of watching his smile fade away with each passing second in the hot heat of the metal container. 

“Right, funny. It’s my grandpa's. It got handed down.” I nodded my head enthusiastically, relishing in the fact that he at his height could barely extent his legs, his knees hitting the dashboard every single stretch. 

“Good choice, Satoru.” His eyes landed on me, his tongue poking at the side of his mouth and his eyes bold as if to try and scare me into shutting up. 

“Can you for one second maybe not be so intolerable?” I crossed my arms, leaning back in the car and resting my head on the seat. 

“You’re the most intolerable person I’ve met, what do you mean?” I responded, my voice full of pure exasperation over how he could even say such a thing knowing his own character. 

If Satoru was a car, he would be a lorry. Loud, noisy, long and full of shit. 

“I’m actually fine with everyone. You just irk me differently.” He replied, looking out into the distance. If he would’ve just been quiet and nice, maybe I could sit around to admire how his blue eyes were accentuated by the sun peering in from the window.

”So… are you going to teach me how to drive or what?”

He was harsh, brutal and cold as a driving instructor. I could’ve sworn we nearly got into a car accident almost 100 times, but I blamed that entirely on his horrible techniques of teaching. 

“No… no no no… go back.” He would emphasise the word, his arms reaching out almost every second as he attempted to take over and save the both of us.

”No! I got this.” I would push his arm back, making him bang his own head against the head of the car seat in frustration, letting out heavy breaths each time to let out the fire fuelling inside of him. 

“No wonder you didn’t try to learn. You’ll be allowed on the road when you’re 35.” He mumbled, grabbing the steering wheel to stop me crashing into a fence. 

“Right, right… right… RIGHT.” He would repeat, over and over sitting up further each time he said it. 

“God, could you be more useless?” He exclaimed, and I turned aggressively to contest to his claims, my hand held tight on the steering wheel and shifting to the left of me without my acknowledgement.

”Can you not berate me-“ He leaned over in seconds, grabbing my hand entirely with his own and shifting the entire wheel back towards the right, making me look up to see we almost hit a servant. 

He tilted his head at me, almost as if in shock over how mindless I could be, and I shrunk back in the seat. “Right… sorry.” 

“Yeah, I bet you are.” 

His hand still on mine, we sat there for a few second catching our breaths, the servant waving at us as if to cool our nerves over me almost killing him, stumbling away over with celery to the house. 

“Right. You’re getting in my car. I don’t trust you alone on the road.” 

I took the opportunity to look down at my lap, smirking. 

“What’s that look?”

”You care if I die.” 

“No, I care about the Tesla being scratched. And other humans dying.” 

Chapter Text

I didn’t see all too much of Satoru after that. He would come to the mansion around 7:00PM, in his school uniform. He always had the same routine. Throw his bag at the living room floor, grab the TV remote, watch a show for an hour with his shirt buttons undone and his abs out like some messy loser. He didn’t care if I was there or not, only in times to make comments about how nerdy I was for opening a mere book in front of him.

”Oh I’m sorry. I forgot you were illiterate.” I shut my book forcefully and got up from the sofa, his eyes trailing me and losing focus on the TV as I stormed up the stairs, leaving him to himself.

It was one thing dealing with his messy clothes everywhere. The display of neatness only lasted for a day before the servants must have stopped getting the special orders and returned to doing as they normally would.

He was everywhere. In the bathroom brushing his teeth shamelessly without warning while I would try to shower with the curtains firmly closed, eating bits out of my pancake right in front of me when no one else was home, splashing me with water by jumping in the pool knowing I was sat beside it, and most annoyingly he would bring home girls when both our parents were out, having sex with them carelessly.

One time, I even walked past his room to indecent, muffled moans, only to stop to sigh in disgust before the door flung open and this girl limped out, and for the first time I knew what the scent of sex was. 

He came out the room on that day still tying his drawstrings before he bust my room door open, getting me startled. 

“Hey… you’re scaring my women. Make yourself… less everywhere.” 

Today however, I couldn’t resist the urge any longer. Noises of sex constantly seeping in and of the way he spoke to them, degrading them wasn’t bearable any longer.

It wasn’t that it was him. It was that I was missing it. I kept telling myself, if it was anyone I would’ve done the same.

I looked down the balcony of the stairs, peeping to see his ass planted firm on the sofa, lazily watching. If he was distracted, and the servants always knock then I would be fine.

I closed my bedroom door with the slightest of sound, and I hesitated before opening up the forbidden app. 

My hand sunk down before my mind could tell it to, the feeling of my swollen, untouched clit after weeks of not masturbating in a house with two men leading to far too much to be able to deal with. It would just be for a bit. Just until I climax.

I spread my legs on the bed, eyes fixated on the door before I began gathering a rhythm with my fingers, watching on the screen as the woman’s clit was getting fingered by this man, his veins visible as he kept up with his rhythm. I tried to match it, feeling my clit get more and more stimulated by the second, my head falling back on the pillow as I continued to lose myself. 

Just for a bit… just for a… just…

”Hey, have you seen-“ 

I let out a violent scream, throwing my phone at the floor and closing my legs immediately, his eyes widening and eyebrows straight as he assessed the situation. Then both of our eyes fell on it. My phone. 

I scrambled off of the bed, letting out small words of denial, going “N-no, no don’t!” as I watched him get to the floor with speed, yanking my phone before I could reach it, lifting it up in the air out of my grip with his 6 foot abilities, shame spreading through me as I tried to climb him like a tree stalk.

Oh how I fucking hated him. 

I couldn’t do anything. Literally. I tried pushing, grabbing and pulling but he was an immovable force, his hand pressing play on the video as he began smirking down and laughing at me, my eyes so far open for the first time he saw me express the most. 

“So our little nerd is also fucking horny.” He mumbled, his mouth ajar in pretend curiosity as he watched the woman get fingered in the video, his hand higher and higher as his eyes travelled down my hand yanking him to my face, my cheeks burning a crimson. 

“I didn’t know you had it in you. Thought you were little miss innocent.” He let out with a low tone, pressing the back button on the video.

”Oh no… you’re a dirty girl. You watched all of this?” 

“Satoru, I’m going to FUCKING KILL YOU!” Finally, a superhuman strength overrode me and I climbed up him, shaking him vigorously till he lost his balance. Oh… fuck.

I held on to him tightly as he fell forwards, my head colliding with the bed before I could brace myself, feeling something soft land on my face and my lips. 

After a second or so of lying there, I opened my eyes with shaking limbs to assess the situation. 

My lips were on Satoru’s. And I had my legs wrapped around him. 

I pulled my head so far back it sunk into the mattress a little, pushing him by his collarbone far from my lips, looking up at him with widened eyes, my heart racing faster than anything before.

I was in fight or flight.

He gulped, licking his lips and then wiping them, stepping back with a low, quiet tone.

”Not. A. Word.” He warned, throwing my phone at the bed beside me and leaving the room in seconds, colliding with the door on the way and leaving it moving back and forth from the force. 

I just had my first kiss with my step-brother. 

Chapter Text

Sleeping was awkward. Waking up was awkward. Breakfast was awkward. Brushing my teeth was awkward. Putting on a shirt even, was awkward. I avoided him the entire morning, not coming out until my mother was racing to my door, pushing me to be a bit less ‘antisocial’ as she called it. 

His cologne, the softness of his lips, the feeling of my limbs wrapped around him… all… awkward. To say the least. I kept finding my brain wondering back to the taken aback tone he held, as though he himself didn’t bring on the consequences. 

There was no going back from this, even if it was an accident. 

In my head, I sat there on my window sill wondering what was worse to confront first. The fact that he had to catch me playing with myself, and knows what I prefer to watch now or the fact that I shared my first ever kiss with him. With someone who’s kissed about half the women in the world.

I raged a wave of pure red inside of me, my mind awash with thoughts of worry and nerves, all mixed together to reach a shore of surface ideas that left me glued to the spot.

’He’s going to tell them’, ‘He’ll never speak to me again’, ‘He’s going to kill me’, ‘He knows it’s my first kiss, he can tell’, 

Some things, I’ll admit were more stupid to ponder over in the moment in comparison to others, leaving me looking completely absorbed by the wrong perspective of things. It didn’t matter if he knew if it was my first kiss or not. It mattered that it was in general. To him.

The final reason I didn’t want to see his face was pure betrayal and anger. If he had just been a little more normal like other siblings were, he could have just walked away or pretended he saw nothing, but instead he was practically memorising my algorithm on the site, eyes glued to my phone like he would find a secret stash of vintage videos. 

My eyes flickered to the shine of the door handle hit by the light from the window as it turned, and I braced myself with my heart beating out of my chest, adjusting my pyjamas.

’Oh for the love of God please don’t be-‘ It wasn’t.

”Could I come speak to you, Y/N?” 

‘Oh lord above, he’s told his father now we’re going to be kicked out!’ I panicked to myself inwardly, showcasing what I had hoped to be innocent curiosity. 

“Sure, of course.” Too polite. 

I watched as his father made his way to me with paced, slow steps, hands fidgeting as he looked to be devising a speech to himself. Well, there was no easy way to say it.

’I heard you watch porn!’ ‘You jumped on my son’ ‘You kissed my son’ ‘You guys were practically in a sex position!’ 

If ever a time, now would be the most convenient where I begged and begged for intrusive thoughts to not occur, and they proceeded to. 

“I hope you are settling in well.” I was so ignorant to the normality of his inquiries, focused in on his features to try and read him like an open palm to see if he knew or not, that I didn’t even grasp at first that he was stood looking at me with a little concern, waiting an exceedingly long time for an answer.

”Y/-“ 

“Yes. Yes. It is amazing. I am settling in great.” 

‘You buffoon.’ I degraded myself internally, replaying my horribly faked dialogue back in my head, holding on to the high notes of praise which clearly have come out of nowhere. 

“Oh… that’s… very surprisingly good. I was hoping Satoru wasn’t giving you trouble. He… isn’t, right?” 

‘Your son was on top of me.’ ‘We kissed.’ ‘He knows I watch men finger women.’ 

“He wasn’t. He’s been a little bit of a… brother… to say the least. What with all the teasing but uh, he’s fine.”

’No he’s not.’ 

“That’s good. I’m glad you are settling in. Really, I do wish to keep you in the family. I hope we will all end up like the families that are blood bound by the end of this.”

‘Right because incest is so much better put like that’ ‘Intrusive thoughts really are so scary’ ‘How do people with Tourette’s syndrome keep secrets in?’ 

“Ah, yeah me too. I um… I need to change.” 

He took the hint quick enough and slipped out of my room with a much more passionate, hurried pace as opposed to when he slipped in, causing me to think this whole interaction left him more sceptical. 

I froze on the spot, eyes zoned out on the slit of my door left open, the only view from there being Satoru’s room which was directly opposite. Scumbag.

I leapt off the window sill, making my way over with vigour like never before seen to my bedroom door, hoping to shut it before I saw any sign of him, all until something caught my attention.

”Yeah, the party is tonight. Parents are out of town so…” He didn’t proceed with his sentence, as if he could feel my presence, but I knew he couldn’t have because I was so shoved behind the door even if someone peeked in they wouldn’t know I was there. 

I found it ridiculous that at times like this he could have a sixth sense, but any other time and he was completely unaware. Stupid and unaware. 

But… a party? 

That could be more my scene.

-

I could hear it alright. That was a party more than any party I’d seen in the movies or the ones back at my hometown. Speakers that vibrated the floors of the house were situated everywhere, and noises of mesmerised groups of huddled drinkers warned me of the masses of people that must’ve gathered. I leaned next to my bedroom door, pressing my ear against the wood of it and listening to the shuffle of high heels and trainers, all sorts of footsteps with noises of “Woo!” playing around me.

Fuck it. He wouldn’t know, and no one else would. For now? I was just a random girl in town who moved and I had a new identity. I would just avoid him, and blend in.

I pulled down my door handle, taking in a deep breath and peeking out. Bikinis!? Shorts!? Of course the pervert was throwing a pool party out of everything. Touché, Satoru. Tou-fucking-ché. 

I didn’t have many bikinis, as I never really swam back in my home town. Luckily one of them had been a sneaky gift from when me and my friends thought the idea of rebelling was to go into underwear stores and pretend to be frisky. And now, she had come to help me somehow in life.

I slipped the black bikini on, closing the clasp together and sliding on the underwear. It fit me like a glove, no doubt and I had never seen my body before in such good shape. I turned in the mirror, glancing back at myself and wondering what was wrong. Ah…

I digged deep into my wardrobe, pulling out black heels and shoving my feet into them, a final touch being hoop earrings gifted by my… step-father. 

If he was going to be such a delinquent, then why should I have to sit in my room playing the shame-filled maiden? He does shit like this every day, a new woman and a new hole. He has pools of women around him, so why can’t I blend in to the background too? 

I cursed him under my breath a couple times, shaking off my hands as if to get rid of the extremely worried energy, all the noises in my head telling me to sit my ass back down in my bed, humble myself and read a book to sleep. 

“No. You’re better than that.” As if readying for a boxing match, I shook myself off again and charged at the door quite dramatically, it being thrust open with passion as I felt the speakers vibrate inside of my ears, the song coming from all around me. 

( song: sports car - tate mcrae )

Hordes of people surrounded me from all angles, and a couple of them even glanced me up and down, complimenting me with winks, smirks and offering drinks. I shook my head at some of them, stepping forward with one foot in front of another while I made mental notes of the kind of people he invites.

‘He’s defo Mr Popular for sure, but what did I expect?’

Grabbing on to the railing tight, I made my way down the steps and reality dawned on me as people started pointing, glancing at one another as if I was an attraction. 

I gulped, feeling my heart beat faster at the sight of so many different people all glancing and making whispers about me, likely about how they have no clue whatsoever who I am. It must’ve been a somewhat tight circle, one that I invaded uninvited. 

Searching for something to take off the edge, I turned to the man next to me and practically pried his drink out of his hand, counting down in my head before taking down my first ever drink. 

It burnt. Bad. Like, bad. I coughed up, handing it back to him and apologising profusely, feeling like a complete klutz while he like a surfer dude forgave me, saying that I took it down like a champ and that was ‘radical’. Polite, but an imbecile. 

His friends surrounded me and they cheered me on, handing me another round. 

Oh fuck it. What’s a bit of fun? 

Before I knew it, I had about 4 different shots down my mouth and I couldn’t even handle the first, alcohol practically pouring down my body as I kept missing my mouth by the time of my fourth, clearly pathetic in my ability to handle liquor.

( song: bed chem - sabrina carpenter )

Oh fuck, did I love this song. I gripped on to the man next to me, a new one this time who I couldn’t remember from any other moment of the night, pulling him alongside me to the living room table, making him watch me.

“H-hey! Oi… you… watch me and how sexy I am!” I was free, it was fine. I was drunk, it was okay. It wasn’t my fault. Not even the part where I did a stripper’s strut on the table, getting down on my knees and attempting to seductively fall into the splits. He looked at me with admiration and worry, watching while shaking his head.

”Wanna see some- something… Oh that’s the word! Cool?” Vision blurred, I found myself practically crawling to him on the table, knees on the hard marble as I reached out for him, signalling for him to pick me up. 

“You’re a real sexy girl, you know that right?” He pointed out, grabbing me by my waist, his hands sliding down to my hips as he caught me while I lost my balance, grip wavering to my chest and ass.

It was a little too much by that point, I’ll be honest. I shook my head, still fully drunk as I realised to some extent what I had been doing. 

“Bed… I want my bed…” Eyebrows furrowed and eyes squeezed shut, I pushed him back but he held his grip firm on me, fingers still lingering on my ass. 

“You want my bed? I’ll take you to my bed.” I shook my head again, and suddenly I realised I wasn’t even in the state to protect myself. The lights all faded into one hue of a blue-purple and I searched around the crowd, hoping someone would have seen.

”N-no… My bed…” I tried to unwind my hand out of his grip again, gripping his wrist to try and get it to open. 

“I think you mean my bed.” 

“No… I mean-“ 

“She means fuck off, you piece of shit.” 

I opened my half lidded eyes as much as I could, my grip freed with force as I felt someone sit me down by pushing my shoulders, and before I knew it a crowd of “Woah”’s and disbelief filled gasps filled the room.

”W-woah… Is that… blood!?” I got up again, hands against my cheeks as I faked utter shock, too out of it to process properly as Satoru glanced back at me, his face contorted into one of pure temper. 

“You. Sit back down. I’ll deal with you after.”

I did as told, pouting my lips and shutting my eyes, my body falling forward a little until I felt something holding me up.

“Y-you’re pretty…” I slurred out, a girl keeping me in place on Satoru’s command before I watched again, his fists landing on the guy like nothing else I’d seen. 

“A bit dr-dramatic… don’t you think? He’s so… aggressive.” 

The girl shushed me, her hands on my lips while she shook her head.

”Not now girl, he’s mad at you too.” 

“Are you… one of his girls?” I let out, resting my head against her shoulder.

“Oh… hell na. I could never. I’m a lesbian, babe.” 

“Oh… you’re Lebanese? That’s so cool!”

”Sure… sure I’m Lebanese.” 

It was only what felt like a minute or so before I felt a hand wrap around under my thighs and hook under my shoulders, my body weight lifted with ease. I pressed my head against his chest, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne. It was soft, his chest. And he was warm too.

”Y-you smell go-“ 

“If you speak to me while I carry you up these stairs, I’ll throw you off them.” 

“Satoru… you’re such a meanie.” 

“And you’re a huge pain in my ass.” 

He pulled me closer to his chest, as if pressing weights against him, before I felt the residual force from him kicking my door open with his foot, and before I knew it I was met with the familiar smell of my comforting perfume. I loved my room. 

“Home… sweet… home!” 

I felt his hand slide under my head, laying me down on to the bed half gently and half in rage, my mattress recoiling a little. 

The next thing I could hear was the click of my door, and I turned over with my face pressed against the mattress thinking he was gone and had left me. 

“Nuh, uh. Turn your ass back around.” 

“No… you’re mean to me.”

”Turn the fuck back around.” 

I sat up with a long noise of disobedience, shaking my head at him. 

“You’re in big trouble.”

”You tell… if you tell my mum… I’ll tell them you held this stupid party…” 

“Oh that’s cute. You think I’m going to snitch on you? You’re in big trouble from me.” 

I gulped, kicking off my heels and watching as they landed next to his feet.

”My foot hurts.”

”You think maybe it had something to do with the way you were practically spreading yourself apart on that table?” 

“Well that’s… plain out rude! I was not.” I shook my head aggressively, crossing my arms over but it was worthless as he gripped my wrist and yanked my arms out of their position.

”Don’t cross your arms at me… now tell me straight. What the fuck do you think you were doing downstairs huh? Who said you could come down?”

i let out a heavy scoff, widening my eyes up at him with my best attempts at looking bewildered in my state.

”W-what are you? The president!? Why do you dictate if I come down…?”

”Why? Because you’re shit drunk, you’re wearing that flimsy ass cloth of fabric and you could’ve got yourself raped.” His finger was pointed at me in the most accusatory manner, so close he could’ve poked me in my forehead. 

“It’s your fault…”

”What? Say that again.” 

“It’s your-“

”You ignorant silly little girl. Oh my God. I just beat the living shit out of some guy in my year because of you. You see this?” 

He pulled me by my wrist, making me lean forward and come closer to him, shoving his bloodied knuckle in front of my face.

”I can still feel his shitty bones cracking under my skin.” 

I gazed up at his fierce expression, his mouth yet again being poked at in the side by his tongue. 

“Thank you…” I slurred out, slipping my legs behind me and making my way over to him on my bed, resting my head against his abdomen.

”What the fuck are you doing now?”

”Hugging you…” 

“No you’re not. Your face is on my stomach.”

”Oh….”

”Get off, Y/N.”

”No… tired.”

”Fucks sake.”

I felt his two large hands grasp around my smaller wrists, pushing me back as a weight began to enter my bed now from the foot of it. 

“If I have to force you to stay in this bed and not move, I will. Look at you, making yourself a pathetic mess.” 

I giggled, grabbing his shirt collar with my hands and feeling another level of my world spinning as he slowly lowered me down.

”Let go, Y/N.” 

Hands flat on either side of me, he looked down at me with eyes I couldn’t read in that moment, my heart beating as I gazed back in those icy blue pupils. 

“Eyes off me. Let go, Y/N.”

”No…”

”Let go.”

”No!”

”Are you serious right now?”

”Yes.”

”I’ll say it one last time. Let me the fuck go.”

”No-“

”Shut up.” I felt a set of lips slam against mine, pushing me down further into the bed, his knee rising up in between my legs as he made himself almost comfortable, his hand winding under my head to grip the back of my hair, pulling it further down.

The kiss was sweet and toxic at the same time, filled with rage and desire. As if he was holding it in. 

While pulling back, he took the time to bite down on my bottom lip, making me groan as I felt a small sting.

”That’s for not listening. You fucking temptress.” He then held himself back for a second, looking away from me into the darkness of the night before coming back, lips trailing down my neck till he found a place to bite.

”Ow… what the fuck!” He rose again to meet my noises of hurt, glaring down. “And that’s for wearing something so revealing. And drinking when you’ve clearly never done it before. And for pulling that douchebag along. I told you to stay out of my way Y/N… you just had to go ahead and make shit so complicated.”

With that, he rose off of me and grabbed the end of my blanket, tossing it so it would cover the full length of my body.

”You better not remember this in the morning.”

He said under his breath, turning away from me and finding his way back at the door.

”Oh, and last thing. You ever try to be sexy for someone again? I’ll show you what being a seductive little minx leads to.”

Chapter Text

The day afterwards was all a blur to me, but for some reason Satoru started to talk to me normally. The hangover was hard to get over, and he filled me in on things that happened. I was shocked to hear that I danced on the table and punched the crap out of a guy who tried to touch me, and even more surprised to hear about how I blacked out on said table and Satoru had to drag me all the way back up the stairs by my arms. Or the way apparently I started singing opera. 

Furthermore, he even decided to apologise for the other day. 

“I figured, it was really inappropriate for me to… enter your room and begin to do that. And, about the kiss between us? It was a mistake that neither of us intended. I want you to ignore it as I’ll ignore it, and we will never speak about it again.”

I nodded my head with vigour, as this was the one thing I could be entirely onboard with. Especially with my step-brother.

“Oh, gladly.” I voiced out.

All of a sudden, I pressed a hand to my neck and felt a slight soreness, my face contorting as I tried to wonder what that could’ve been.

”What’s wrong? Mosquito bite your neck or something?”

”Yeah… probably. But thanks for helping me up the stairs, even if it was you dragging me by my arm.”

”You were too heavy to carry anyways.”

-

I started to notice a slight difference now in Satoru’s mannerisms towards me. He appeared less cold and would even be proactive in helping me sometimes with things he saw me doing, like grabbing items off of high shelves or even going so far to do something I never thought he would care to do.

I stood outside my door, hands joined together behind my back as I waited there silently behind a toolbox, watching as he took time out of his day to fix a broken part on my door hinge. 

“Nail.”

I bent down, grabbing out an exposed nail from the toolbox, extending it out towards him.

”Screwdriver.” 

Again, I did as told, waiting patiently as I observed him getting to work.

I couldn’t help but admire him as he seemed to genuinely focus on something, that absurdly ass personality of his seeming to fade out as he finally began to keep his mind on something for once in his life. 

“You can focus.” 

“Don’t piss me off.”

”Oh… my bad then.”

”You could learn a thing or two from this.”

”I already know how to do all of this.”

”So why am I sat here and not you?”

”Because you offered, duh.”

”Don’t extend it too far sweetheart.”

”Sweetheart?”

He glanced up at me, his eyes seeming to retreat back into his mind before he came up with a nonchalant reply.

”Yeah? It’s a term of endearment. Don’t get caught up in it, sweetheart. I say it to everyone.”

”Yeah because you end up fucking everyone.” I mumbled under my breath, finding myself amusing enough to smirk as he sighed, looking back at me in disappointment.

“Yeah? At least I’ve actually fucked someone.”

”Oof… burn.”

”It is for someone who’s 17 and yet not even had a boyfriend yet.”

”Is that a bet?”

”Could you even win it?”

”I could. I will. Once I go to this… school you go to. I bet that in 3 weeks I could get a boyfriend.”

“Oh sweetheart, you won’t.”

”And why is that?”

”Because I say what goes and what doesn’t in the school.”

”What does that have to do with me?”

”Anyone attempting to date you, doesn’t go. Hypothetically. If i wanted it to.”

”But you don’t care.”

”Hand me the hammer.”

When he was finally done, I grabbed the toolbox off the floor, although that was entirely unnecessary since he took it off me in seconds, the weight quickly transferred.

”Don’t fuck up your door again.”

”Well that’s a nice way to say it’s fixed. Do you always have to swear in every sentence?”

”Oh come on. You’re 17 and you swear way more than I do.”

”That’s not true, you just swore right now!” 

“Whatever you say. Just keep one thing in mind for me though.” 

He placed the toolbox on top of a nearby dresser, cracking his knuckles before approaching me, my legs instinctively stepping back until my upper torso hit the balcony of the stairs, the banisters keeping me from retreating any further. He was merely a breath away from me, eyes focused down on my slightly overwhelmed features.

His cologne was there again with it’s rich taste, even more noticeable as he leaned in, his body heat travelling its way to me as his breath was hot against my ear, preparing himself to whisper something.

“You know, you’re right to be all flustered right now. After all, only one of us knows what you’re like drunk. And I can reassure you, you’re not the one who knows.”

”W-whatever…”

”Now quit poking at my side with your words. You got it?”

”Whatever.”

”Good girl.”

Chapter Text

Jujutsu High was also meant to be an even fresher start. I woke up as told to me on a Thursday morning to find a brand new, speck free uniform neatly folded and ironed at the foot of my bed, a school bag with clearly girly features propped up beside the door. Folders and a notebook were peeking out of it, relaxing me into believing they had already gone shopping for me and all I had to do was actually show up. 

My routine was as usual, and it felt weird to for once get up at the exact same time as him, wondering the halls of the house looking for certain things while brushing past him in hallways. 

Eventually, when I was entirely ready I came down the stairs, my hair plaited to the side. He was face full with a pancake, pouring syrup on the side when he saw me, froze a little and then spoke.

”Oh you’re so adorable with your hair like that.” I couldn’t tell if there was truth or sincerity behind that compliment so I just rolled my eyes and ignored it, hauling my bag over to the kitchen table and sitting on it, a fresh plate of food left for me.

”Did your father mention how I would get there?” I let out in between mouthfuls, each bite of the fluffiness letting me sink into the further realisation of how hungry I was. 

“You can slow down, the food won’t run away from you… And… you’re coming with me.”

My mouth quit its mechanisms of hurried chewing, eyebrows straight and eyes squinted slightly as I tried to make sense of him. First I can’t get in his car, then I get my own car and now I’m getting in his car?

”Why go through the hassle and not just send me off in a cab?” I mumbled, kicking my feet under the table and taking a whole strawberry into my mouth.

I was delving into the fruits in front of me when all of a sudden, my heart launched out of my chest as his fingers made contact with my forehead.

”Woah, what the-“ I sat back a little unexpectedly, his fingers still placed on me as he brushed my loose hair strands out of the way on my face.

”That’s why. If I send you off in a cab they’ll kidnap you. You’re sloppy and child-like.”

My mouth slowly began chewing again, and to compensate for the desire to cuss him out again entirely and his bloodline, I shoved another pineapple between my lips. 

I stepped out of the main door, pushing it open with force to counteract it’s heaviness and standing behind him, copying the way he waited with his hands in his pocket, looking from side to side.

I never actually knew what Satoru’s car was, but I had heard from his father that he earned it entirely out of his own money that he made from a business hustle. It was horrible to admit out loud, but I couldn’t imagine Satoru working for anyone but himself, and so I wasn’t exactly expecting a Rolls Royce.

”Ahh, there she is. Meet Vanessa.” My eyes rolled over to where his eyes were fixated, expecting to see some skimpy girl like the ones he always used to attend to, but instead my gaze landed on the wheels rotating of a low height, polished, newly waxed and washed McClaren. 

“That’s my baby.” ‘Well if that wasn’t typical…’ I thought to myself, watching him practically gawk down at his own car like it was Megan Fox reeling into our driveway.

He reached forward, leaning a little to open the door of the car and I watched it lift up, revealing the passenger seat. Foot moving forward in front of one another, I was abruptly stopped by his cautionary nature.

”You get a scratch on this car, anywhere, and I will leave a scratch on you.”

For some reason, that threat didn’t seem to come empty. I could sense a little truth behind it, and so when I got in I kept my limbs to myself, barley making much contact with any part of the car but the seat itself.

Even then, a little curiosity overwhelmed the peaceful tranquility of my mind as I began to think to myself.

”What business do you have driving a sports car when all you do is take it to school?” I prompted, tilting my head to look at him.

I could make out the faintest curl of his lip popping up in the corner, and he looked away entirely, setting the key in and igniting the engine.

“Who said that’s all I use this for?”

‘What a smartass reply.’ 

Except for the fact that at many late-done turns I thought I was going to die a shameful, pitied death in a car accident, we managed to somehow get there merely 5 minutes before we would’ve been classified as late. That must’ve been his popular boy charm. To be there just in time. 

I gripped the car door as soon as it came to a halt, heart thudding out of my rib cage as I was met with familiar faces from the many nights before. ‘Jeez, was half the entire school at his party?’

I could make out small flashbacks of me on top of that table, and nothing propelled me further to just get the first day over and done with. 

“Hey, wait.” I turned back to look at him, settling in a little when I came across the slight seriousness in his tone and the thoughtful expression on his face. 

“There’s some things, that you should know. I have rules I need you to follow, so long as you’re my step-sister and I’m your step-brother.” 

I stayed silent, a sign that perhaps if they were lenient and understandable that I would actually follow through.

”It’s a long one, so pay attention.” His grip on the steering wheel was beginning to turn a little white, as if squeezing with his hand was going to squeeze out his memories to try and wring out the set of principles I would now have to adhere to.

”No short skirts. No making out. No boys in general, unless they’re gay. No skipping class. No skipping lunch. No skipping homework. No talking to people about what I’m like at home. No coming up to me in school. Not unless I come up to you first. No telling anyone to come over, and no makeup.” 

“Excuse me? I’m sorry… are you my step-father? The last time I checked none of that was on your role description. And since when did you care?”

He kissed his teeth at me, letting go of the steering wheel and sitting back in his car. It was bad enough we looked like a pair of smug pricks in the internal school car park with a McClaren, but now I felt like I was being supervised.

”I just don’t want you to come home pregnant or something.”

”You know, not everyone latches on to and fucks the first person they see, Satoru. It’s called the abilities to socialise.” 

He darted me a warning glance, grabbing my bag from under my legs and shoving it against my chest. 

“Oh and you’ve done both right?” He mocked, yet again taking jabs at the beginner nature of my physical encounters.

”Better to save one than to lose both all the time,” I murmured, his eyes fixated on me and my defensive expression.

“Keep it saved. I don’t care. Just… No guys.”

”Girls?”

”No girls… other than friends or something. Jeez, I’m not trying to rid you of any social sustenance.”

It sure felt like he was with the long list of things I would have to follow, but I don’t know what was more surprising.

The herds of people staring at Satoru with me trialing behind him or the herds that were about to avalanche into him.

Satoru Gojo was a popular guy, to say the least. I watched him in that morning shake about 10 hands, wondering how he couldn’t get tired. But in that moment, I could also recognise the appeal. If you really stripped back Satoru’s vindictive, teasing nature, the way he was in front of everyone else was entirely different. He came off more introverted and laid back, speaking words of kindness far more than what he jabbed at me. He tossed his McClaren keys to some guy like it was normalcy, and so I could only imagine that must be someone very close to him. 

Walking behind him felt somewhat like a human shield, and I could’ve sworn at times when he was talking he would purposely come closer to me and angle himself to cover more, as if in attempts to make me feel less overwhelmed.

”Go to class. And be back at 3:40 sharp. I’ll drop you off home.”

Classes were filled with something I hadn’t experienced much in my quiet, desolate home town. Dreams, stories and so many questions it felt like I was being interviewed by everyone. Certain conversations with faces tied to them lingered in my memories, and I had gathered a little confidence from the compliments I had got.

”You looked great on that night.” “You’re so pretty!” “I love your hair…” “You should keep coming to the parties.”

I knew if Satoru could hear all of these claims, he would deny them with a big, over-passionate sigh. And yet, Satoru wasn’t here so I relished in them, thanking each one with a charming, sweet smile.

I couldn’t wait to rub it into Satoru’s face.

The bell rung at my second lesson and signalled for my lunch, and I had expressed enough of myself to manage to formulate one close friend. She was the same girl who was holding me still at the party, as her face was one that comforted me most to be seared into my visions.

Locking my arm with hers, I giggled en route to the canteen, her questions overflowing about how I do so many things from the scales of moving all the way down to putting my hair into such neat, concise braids.

The canteen was filled as expected, but the aroma of food wasn’t like in my hometown. It wasn’t cheap and all that was affordable on the committee’s budget. It was all well cooked, like there were actual chefs behind the counters. Lights shone down to present me with sweet and spicy chicken, bowls of rice, sushi, avocado slices, jellies etc.

If there was one thing I could always opt for, then it would have to be the beauty of food.

Licking my lips inward, I tried to hide the expression on my face that made me look like one of those youtube mukbangers, ignoring the violent wave of black holes inside of my stomach, sucking in and making me even hungrier. 

I looked around to try and distract myself, stood in the line with a tray and waiting around to move ahead. 

Then my eyes fell on to him again. He was already looking at me, sat on top of a canteen table, his hands stuffed far into his pockets. When our eyes met, he held no sort of acknowledging expression, just watching me silently from the distance while the friends around him played songs on a mini speaker, sitting around and playing card games. 

Then, I looked behind me and around me, wondering if maybe he was looking at someone else and I was in the way. Nope, me. I was exasperated at how he could tell me not to be so obvious and yet practically be watching me from the sidelines like a concerned mother.

Oh, God please don’t tell me… Oh hell no. “Delinquent.” He called out, stood right in front of me now with a bowl of rice in his hand, untouched that he picked up from the table. 

“Oh come on, I could practically see you gawking at the dishes.” He humoured, placing the bowl down on to my tray. He then slot himself into the queue, stealing a bowl of sweet and spicy chicken, shoving it down on to my tray and making the load even heavier.

”Stop… you’re in the older years and talking to me… People are going to see me like I’m a baby.” I said through gritted teeth, signalling with three of my fingers in an ushering gesture for him to go back.

”I don’t care. They should know that you have someone looking out. Keeps you safer.”

I couldn’t help but wonder why he suddenly decided to play the role of Arnold Schwarzenegger in every single action movie I’ve ever seen, talking about me like I’m some pivotal moment in society that’s going to get swept up under my feet without knowing.

”Whatever, just stop-“ I was caught off my by the shoving of a metal spoon into my mouth, the hot and soft rice making me stop for a second and sigh at him, chewing. 

“Atta girl. See? It’s not so hard to listen.”

The girl who was with me, Hana, now joined in the conversation, rolling her eyes at Satoru. “Oh come on, leave her be.” She kissed her teeth, linking her arm back in with mine.

Satoru looked down at our interlocked body language, eyes landing back on mine.

”Already made besties? Good. Stick with her. I don’t want to see you with anyone else.” 

A couple hours later, sure enough I was wrapping my arms around Hana in an affectionate hug, wishing her a goodbye and skipping back to the car with enthusiasm, watching through the car’s front window as he opened the door for me from the inside.

I slipped in, my bag shoved under my feet again as I put on the seatbelt and leaned my head back against the car seat, closing the door.

”Ugh… I’m tired.” I yawned, watching in victory as the crowds of people walk past. I made it successfully through my first day without dying, and that was well done enough.

”Close your eyes. I’ll have you home before 4:30.” As if my body had already known before the words came out of him, I found I was cradling myself in the seat, facing the side as sleep dipped in and out.

There were moments over speed bumps where I’d ever so slightly wake up, only to find that he was actually driving slower than he normally does.

It was endearing gestures, and I had to admit that this was the most comfortable I had felt with any man. Satoru was the only one to get me asleep in a car alone with him, despite his contradictory personality.

At the end, I felt him ever so gently nudge my shoulder and shake me, but I didn’t want to get up. I groaned, sinking further into the seat, my plait of hair coming slightly undone around me.

”You messy little…” His sentence was undone by the way he came out of his car, coming over to my side and assessing me with disbelief.

“You really don’t want to come out? That tired?” He sounded shocked at my laziness, and sure enough he knew well that I wouldn’t budge. 

I felt his arms wrap under my legs and my shoulders, undoing my car seat belt before he pulled me up in his arms to his height, the familiar musk of him taking up the inside of my nose

“When we get to your room, sleep for a couple hours. You clearly need it.” 

I nodded my head against his chest, pressing my nose against his shirt almost unknowingly of the way it must’ve looked, taking in his scent a little more. It was so utterly consoling, I couldn’t help it. 

My hands wound their way around his neck and I kept an iron lock, as if by routine his hands latching under my thighs and lifting me off the ground, wrapping my legs around him and keeping a hand under my ass. 

He seemed to take me with full ease, letting me grip him like a koala bear. If it was anyone else, I wouldn’t have let them. But it was Satoru. And for some reason, I trusted Satoru.

I hadn’t even noticed that we made it to my room due to how gentle and smooth he was with carrying me, no sort of obstacles or needs to pull me up again. 

I almost didn’t want to let go, but I knew I’d have to. 

He opened my door with his hand quietly, but the subtle creak of my rusty door hinges gave it away, and I opened my eyes again to find that I was back in my comfort space.

I grinned, letting out a noise of joy as I squeezed him. I don’t know why I squeezed him.

”Oh… sorry…” He let out a little breath out of laughter at me, leaning down and placing me on to the bed as if he’s had training in it.

But then again, the amount of girls he’s probably carried to his bed while they were both drunk, it’s no surprise. 

I stretched out, turning to the side in my school clothes and thanking him, grabbing my teddy on the side of me and resting my head on him.

”I’d rather you squeeze me like that than have it be someone else.” 

I opened my eyes, my mind fading back to that night of the party, and the familiarity of the situation dawned on me.

Just as he was about to leave and continue with his day, I paused him in his tracks, rising up as the sleep faded from my mind.

”Satoru… you kissed me.”

Chapter Text

The silence between us thickened, and it deepened the sinking in my gut as it dawned to me what happened. 

“Yeah, by accident that one day. But-“

”No, Satoru. You kissed me on the night of the party.” 

His jaw clenched as if he was trying to fight himself from it being true, but the way he avoided eye contact with me told me everything I needed to know. The small rises of his chest as he breathed in and out, thinking of what to say. The way two of his fingers rubbed against each other, as if he had no other option.

”Yes, I did kiss you.” 

Eyes fixated on him with a deep stare even as his avoided my own, I held firm to my interrogative tone, standing up from the bed and taking paces closer to him till we were merely seconds apart. 

“And you didn’t tell me?” 

He looked ashamed in itself, devoid of any sort of confidence in what happened. Memories faded back in and out, and I pressed a hand to my neck. Finally, he glanced down at where I was pressing and the moment must’ve reached him as well.

Fuck it. I wanted him too. 

”Look, I’m so-“ 

Abruptly putting his apologies to a halt, I stood on my tip toes and grabbed him by his tie, yanking him down. This time was surprisingly easy in comparison to the last couple, and it must’ve been because he was never expecting it. 

( song: little bit - lykkle li )

Our lips crashed and symphonies sounded in my head, even if in reality all that could be heard was the birds chirping and the rushes of wind. Yet the climate in my head was a tumultuous storm, begging for me to seek out more and more of him in this moment.

He pulled me back by my shoulders, eyes diverted from my own as he faced down, his silver stranded hair lightly covering his features. 

“You don’t know what you’re doing, Y/N. It’s okay. We can pretend it didn’t-“ 

I tossed his hand off of me, leaning in again and this time grabbing him by the collar, pressing my lips firmly against his. His cologne mixed with my perfume left an aromatic lingering in the air, practically edging us onwards.

”Stop… Stop before I-“ His words sounded weak and defeated, for the first time they seemed to lack any sort of support. His scaffolding was breaking down and I was the reason.

I pressed a gentle peck to his lower lip, then his upper lip, for some reason burdened entirely with the urge to just kiss him as much as I can.

It was pathetic, as a display from me. And yet in my unconscious, it must’ve been the thing I wanted to do most.

”Stop- No… I said STOP.” He pushed me back on to the bed, the mattress recoiling underneath me as I hoisted myself up on my elbows, lying down with a vulnerability never expressed before outlined on my face now.

”I’m sor-“ I realised the extent of what I had done, but before I could even fully try and make up for it, he crashed down on to me next, pressing me down against the mattress as his hand came under my hair again, his lips peppering my neck. 

Each peck consisted of him digging into my skin till I could feel his features pressed against my side, as if taking in the linger of my skin. 

I gripped on to his hair, keeping a light hold and letting him do whatever he wanted. In that moment, my body was yearning for him to take reign. I needed him to touch me. To feel me. To want me.

I felt his lips open up on my neck as he suckled the skin there, leaving me communicating with little whimpers, running my hands through his hair like sorting through fields of wheat. 

Without a word, he pulled back from me and looked down at my needy, pathetic site, like a canvas upon which he laid the first stroke.

”Fuck… Y/N… We can’t. I can’t… Oh fuck…” He emphasised the last fuck with a sense of defeat in his tone, leaning back in and undoing the buttons on my shirt. He only looked to me once for confirmation, but he didn’t need to because I was undoing the last set for him. 

“This is wrong.” I breathed out, and it was enough to make his hands stop, but I regretted it immediately, grabbing his wrist and placing his fingers back on my waist. 

“I don’t care.” I confessed, gazing up into his eyes with a necessity I tended not to show. I was never needy for a man, at least not like how I was in that moment.

He grabbed both my wrists in his single hand, reaching far over my head on the bed and locking them there, exposing the entirety of my torso to whatever he wanted to do.

His lips found my neck first. Then my collarbone. Then they lined the skin around my bra. They travelled to my abdomen. He peppered kisses all the way down my stomach, till the start of my crotch. My legs shifted, and as if he knew I was getting ready, he stopped, coming back up again. 

“Please…”

”No… we do this on my terms. You’re not ready yet.” He set my boundaries for me, but I wasn’t mad enough at him. I didn’t care because I just wanted some form of him.

I felt a breeze of cold air reach a part of my body it usually didn’t, as with a single hand he burrowed his fingers in between the slit of my back and the mattress, reaching under and unclasping my bra with ease. It must’ve taken him a lot of practice, but if it worked in his favour to lead up to this moment? I didn’t mind.

The flimsy piece of fabric was off my body in seconds and suddenly reality dawned. A man was looking at my chest. I struggled, fingers trying to shift out of the grip he held above my head, but he stopped me with a shake of his head.

“Let me see how beautiful you are.” He pressed on, coming up to my face to whisper the words in my ear and then peck me once lightly on the lip, before heading back down again.

”Fuck… you’re so beautiful, you know that right?” The words were like a shock to my core in comparison to his normal judgemental and insulting lines. But what came as an even bigger shock was the way he leaned down on me like a vulture, harvesting his prey as his lips wrapped around my sensitive areolas, head tilted so he could still keep an eye on the expressions on my face.

With a pop, he stopped sucking for a second and admired his new paint strokes of red, littering me everywhere. 

“That feels good?” He inquired, and his eyes were so open with the need to know, a glint of care flickering behind them that I nodded my head immediately. 

His mouth was on it in seconds, trailing kisses and then sucking each area he had just caressed with his lips, leaving me feeling a sort of pleasure my hands hadn’t been able to offer me before. The anticipation, build up, leaking of desire and the wrongness of it all combined to give me the best and only sexual experience I’d ever encountered before.

”Fuck… you taste as good as I thought…” 

In the midst of my whimpers and moans, I managed to let out a very breathy “You thought about it?” 

He laughed at me as if I was devoid of intellect, my breasts swollen under his ministrations as he stopped focusing on them, giving myself time to breathe. 

“Thought about it? I practically fucked my hand, just pretending it was you. I stopped inviting women over right after. I had wet dreams over you every night… You are such an irritable thought.” He breathed out against my lips, the moisture from his collecting onto mine as I elevated myself up a little, just to press my skin against his. 

“And your neediness right now? Isn’t helping. I just want to devour you whole, and to experience you all over again, every day.” 

The words made my stomach do somersaults, and as if he knew, his attention was off of dialogue and back on to showing instead of telling. He used his free hand to massage my breast, hands drifting over the hickeys he made before it slid down without warning all the way, breaking past the barrier of elastic of my underwear pressed against my skin, reaching my hidden slit.

My back arched in seconds, body squirming with broken breaths taken as I started stuttering, his hand covered in my stringing slick.

”I- Fuck that’s so…” 

He pressed his face against my neck, creating another hickey shamelessly. The room was hot and the sun was setting to cast an orange-red hue over it from the window. He began to rub my slit with his fingers, pleasuring both the sensitive side of my neck and the even greater sensitivity of my aching pussy.

”Fuck… Y/N you’re so wet.” The words came out with a hint of achievement and interest, his hand cupping my pussy entirely and gathering the fluids up, as if trying to see how much he could collect. 

The elastic band of my panties snapped back down again as his hand slid out, a thin glossy layer of my liquids trailing up from my crotch to my lips, his fingers pressed up against my mouth.

”Open.” 

Sure enough, my lips were parted and I was holding eye contact with him and his icy blues, his long, shining fingers gently discovering their way into my mouth. My liquids filled my mouth, but that must’ve mostly just been the size of his fingers.

”Tastes good?” I didn’t know what to do in that moment, nor what subjective measure to base it upon so I just nodded my head, licking around his fingers in my mouth like the tip of an ice pop. 

“Then I guess it’s my turn.” He dug back in again, his fingers agonizingly slow this time as he rubbed over my slit, my hips shifting to produce some kind of relieving friction, but it was too late as his hand resurfaced, and he made sure I could see perfectly.

His hand dipped far into his mouth, and he sucked around it the same way he did with his lips around my breasts, eyes fixated on me as he savoured the moment, all until his lips pressed against mine again, forcing my mouth open as the liquid on both of our tongues connected.

“You taste just like I imagined… and better.” He let out in between muffled kisses. 

I wanted more. I needed more… I needed him. 

“Please…”

”Please what, Y/N?” 

“Please… fu-“ 

We both were jolted up, jumpscared by the sound of knocking on my bedroom door.

”Are you guys in here? We’re home!” Came out behind the muffled door and I rushed from Satoru’s hold, standing behind the door and working quickly to button up my shirt again. 

“Hey… your hickeys too.” He whispered, getting up and walking over to me, taking down my plait and using my strands of hair to coat the messes on my neck.

We glanced up at each other for a second amidst the chaos and he came down at me again, pressing the hardest kiss yet against me before following it with a peck, walking over to the door and opening it.

”Ah, yeah. I was just teaching Y/N something she didn’t understand.” 

Chapter Text

Dinner was seasoned lamb chops served with mash potatoes, gravy, rice and boiled carrots. There was also hash browns and a dessert on the side for everyone, but for a quite telling reason, I wasn’t entirely hungry. 

I only glanced up at him a couple times during dinner, but it wasn’t helpful since at every glance his eyes were full of mine. It was like he didn’t anticipate at all that they might suspect something. And you know what? Maybe they wouldn’t have. But I was entirely on edge.

My knife grazed with a screeching noise that made me cringe internally as I cut into my potatoes, but I had no appetite to eat anyways. My mother let out a small giggle at the expression of irritation on my face from the noise of the cutlery, but my mind was running on all the dirt covered thoughts that seemed to litter every fold of my brain. 

‘He’s just had his fingers on your-‘ 

My thoughts were cut off with his father clearing his throat, making some grand announcement about a business deal. I set my knife and fork down subtly, an excuse to just not bite anymore and fight the urge to hurl my food out. 

( song: come through - miyuze )

I paid attention with genuine intent, nodding my head and maintaining eye contact with his father in attempts to forget about the scene of what had just happened before they came home. But a part of me was also begging in the back of my mind that they would’ve just not come home yet. 

That’s when I felt it. I looked down and sure enough if direct eye contact across the table wasn’t enough for him, I watched with a poker face as his foot slid up mine, past my socks and delving lightly into the fabric of my legging. 

I pulled my leg out, leaving his foot there on the floor in front of me as if he had been betrayed. Grabbing my wine glass that was very clearly full of orange juice, I drank from it and took a second to peer at him. 

The smirk on his face was ridiculously entitled, and a part of me was shocked at how subtle it was to everyone else. 

“But enough of me, how was the first day of school?” 

My mother nudged me with her arm to turn and fix my gaze on my step-father who was waiting patiently for a response, and I cursed Satoru in my head for being such an impertinent distraction. 

“School was great.” His foot slid back up my foot. 

“Made a lot of friends?” His father asked. 

“I made a couple, yeah.” It was back under my legging.

”That’s great to hear. You’re an extrovert then?” 

“Somewhat, I’d s-say.” His foot slid all the way up to my chair seat, and I looked down to see the heel of it in his black sock pressing against my crotch. Specifically my clit. What the actual fuck? 

“And you, Satoru?” The scumbag remained brave enough to keep caressing my ankle with the side of his foot across the underside of the table, and reply to his father in the same moment.

”Oh she’s been such a good little sister.” He mocked, but only I could detect the undertone of teasing. I would be lying if I said that his praise on the other hand, never made me wet. Because it did, most unfortunately.

”Oh, that’s great… But I in particular meant how are your studies?”

He let out a small laugh, covering up his idiotic lack of attention with the excuse of not having enough sleep.

”Yeah, yeah my studies are great.”

Chapter Text

Satoru begun to come into my room more in the morning. Not to do anything, surprisingly. More so to give me lectures on things I do and then leave me with winks. I’d be Pinocchio with the fattest nose ever if I said that in particular his voice in general and words didn’t leave me with a smile on my face I couldn’t get rid of for a certain amount of time. 

( song: murder on the dance floor - sophie ellis bextor ) 

The criminality of it all was one of the most enticing things I’d ever experienced in my life. 

I could remember one particular morning where he came down for breakfast and I was stood there with my hair in a plait again. He pulled the hair band off my head gently, telling my mother who was observing that I just look more my age when my hair isn’t in a plait. She laughed it off as a cute, fun moment and he preyed, waiting till she left the room for her daily yoga work out, before turning to me and kissing the side of my neck.

”Sorry sweetheart, I know how much you like your hair in a plait but if you want to keep up that innocent image then you’ll have to hide those love bites.” He wrapped his arm around my waist while saying so, peppering me now with kisses before looking away, scouting to see if anyone was peering before pulling away. 

There was another occasion where I was changing and he walked in. I waited a few seconds with a confused expression as he remained in the room until his jaw dropped at me in pretend disbelief.

”So I can play with you but I can’t watch you-“ Enough had been said before I slammed the door in his face, continuing to take my clothes on.

That also reminded me of the moment in his car on the way to school where mid traffic light, he decided he was bored and dug his hand into my skirt like he was searching for pop corn, winking at me like a buffoon before getting me all hot and bothered without finishing me off. 

It was safe to say that he was all over me. And I wanted him to be. 

Like that time where we were in school and walked past each other in the empty hallway, and at first I pretended I didn’t see him and he matched my energy, looking out the hall windows. I looked back in petty silence, crossing my arms before he whipped his head back. I jolted, pretending I didn’t care but before I could feign ignorance, he was turned around and coming towards me, pulling me by my tie from the classroom view and pressing me against the wall, grabbing me by my jaw and forcing his tongue into my mouth. 

He also began to teach me how to drive, but most of it consisted of us making out in the back seat, his hand wrapped around the back of my head as he held me in place against him. 

He loved calling me his little minx in private, just to call me his good little step sister in public.

Eventually, I got used to the constant sexual endeavours myself, pulling him by the tie to my bedroom on several occasions where the servants nor parents were home. 

We never went further than rubbing each other from the outside, and I didn’t mind it that way for now. It kept us wanting. 

He would always leave kisses on my bare legs, leading all the way to my crotch, teasing me. But I didn’t want him to eat me out… I was too burdened with the thought of someone finding us with my legs wrapped around his head while he ate me out. 

“They won’t see us.” He would coax on, leaving kisses and licks over my clothed clit, reaching back up to press his mouth against my lips again, licking his own right afterwards. 

“They probably will… knowing our luck.” 

I watched his desire filled expression change to one of amusement and then back, his hand pushing my own deeper inside of his boxers. 

He was big. I could feel it. He was also clean shaved. I could feel that as well. Whenever he leaked from me touching him, I would bring it to my mouth and lick, something which drove him crazier than everything else.

Now we were being forced to go to some gold course with our parents. Something for a press conference. I wore an easy access skirt, with his favourite panties on underneath. I also decided to do some light makeup, consisting of lipstick and mascara. 

I knew he liked red lips, so I picked my favourite shade of crimson. 

Coming down the stairs, I noticed his hands deep in his pockets as he stood there with his shorts, and I was hit by a flashback of how he looked when we first met. He had a Lacoste shirt on and looked exactly like one of the men in the advertisements, his white strands hanging low as he smirked at me. 

I stood beside him, unable to hide the smile on my face, so when my mother looked over at me he began to tickle me, telling me afterwards that I needed to have a reason for giggling. 

I always took his car everywhere. He didn’t let me pick otherwise. The Tesla remained in the garage, and my mother would often frequent it anyways so it sort of just became her car.

( song: cupid’s chokehold / breakfast in america - gym class heroes ) 

He would open up the windows and warn me of coming cars before letting me put my hands out and feel the air across my fingers, songs blasting on the radio. 

We would sing along together to all of them, and in the moments where he messed up the lyrics I would mock him, but most drives it would always end up the same. He would lean over and grab me by my collar, pulling me close and kissing at my jaw.

When we reached the golf course, he came out the car and threw the key up at me, cheering with a “Good job,” as I caught it in my hands, slipping it into my handbag. I followed alongside him, our hands brushing past each other every now and then as we extended fingers out, never finding the ability to actually intertwine them.

”Why don’t you kids go ahead and explore the course? We’re going to talk to the minister.” Satoru’s father suggested, and I was punching the sky in joy on the inside. 

A golf date seemed pretty fun… and I wanted it now. Satoru let me lead the way, waiting for them to slip out of view before grabbing my wrist, his hand slipping down slowly into the mould of my hand, interlocking fingers with me before bringing it up to his mouth and leaving pecks on each knuckle. 

I watched as he did it, and for a second I could’ve sworn we looked like any normal couple. 

We reached a course with an empty slot for us to take up and I pointed at it, grabbing his arm and yanking him to it. 

“Hey, hey, hey, I know you’re excited but come on Miss 17 year old… I’m 2 years older than you. You should respect your elders.” I giggled, poking the side of his face with my hand.

”Oh really, Mr 19? You’re less mature than me!” 

We made it to the start of the course and were handed two golf clubs, the man handing it winking at me as he did. I didn’t think much of it, turning to face Satoru again to see he wasn’t there again. I turned back and he was trailing after the guy handing out golf clubs, making me quickly pull him back before he did something. He was adamant, no words coming out of his mouth but the jealous, disgusted expression on his face saying enough.

( song: I follow rivers - lykkle li )

”Why didn’t he wink at me? I’m just as gorgeous as you. Maybe I should knock some sense into him… you think?” His hand came down to caress my cheek, lining my nearby features as we held eye contact for a couple seconds, and I felt goosebumps trickle down my body. 

“I wanna play.” He sighed at my words, coming in close and holding my cheek in his hand before doing a gesture he normally didn’t do as often. He directed his kiss above my eyes, planted firmly on my forehead before looking down at me again.

”You know I’ll always protect you, right?”

”I know.” 

“Good.”

I hit the ball and nearly missed it, the competitive streak in me rising up as I watched him perfectly score into the hole. 

“That’s not fair, you were born doing golf!” I exasperate, grabbing him by his arm and shaking him out of pretend irritation. 

“Beggars can’t be choosers sweetheart,” He would remark back, watching as I try and prepare myself for the next shot. I was a shorter distance from the ball this time at least, so I leant down a little, focused so hard I didn’t even realise wind was coming up my skirt.

I moved my hand back to cover up, but something was already behind me. I looked back and Satoru was stood there, bending down to my height and holding the club over my hands. He corrected my posture, head pressed against my shoulder.

”Can’t let anyone else see what’s mine. That and… clearly you need some teaching.”

Sure enough, he wasn’t wrong. While he was correcting me, I managed to get about 10 different balls right in, reaching around and grabbing onto him, hugging him in happiness. 

“Alright, alright…” He had a residual smirk on his face from my clinginess, and even as I let go he grabbed my wrist, pulling me back in and wrapping both arms around my shoulders in a tight, squeezing hold, looking down at me and kissing my forehead again.

”Hey! Hey… I’m not a kid…”’

”Yeah, but you’re mine. So I’ll protect you like family, and like mine.” 

I couldn’t help the butterflies that rose in my stomach over the things he used to say, leaving me feeling that potentially we could be something one day, beyond a seductive secret. 

We versed ( or believed we were ) a bunch of couples, mimicking the way they would hold each other and speak, as if we weren’t just as bad ourselves. He grabbed me by my face, laughing all the feeling out before finally getting the words out to me.

”You’re so beautiful like the shimmering sunset, buttercup!” The couple turned and faced us, and I think they realised we were mimicking them because in that moment the man latched his arm like a protective shield around the girl, grabbing her and leading her out. 

I slammed my hand on Satoru’s chest while letting out noises of laughter I hadn’t produced in a while, pressing my forehead against him and calming down all together from the high while we were holding each other. 

( keep playing song )

Our little spectacles didn’t end up stopping either. We found an indoor show playing in the included restaurant, with an opera singer invited for a show and for some reason I could just see the boredom on her face. As if she did this every day. I got drunk off of stealing margaritas set up for other people, invading the stage with Satoru holding me up, stumbling as I somewhat politely asked her for the mic, to which she let out a small defeated laugh and handed it to me.

“Hey, you lot over there!” I called out to the band, grabbing their attention in seconds. It helped as well that Satoru was behind me, like an ad lib to everything I said.

”Play… I follow rivers… by Lykkle li!… Please!”

I let the music settle in, and before I knew it, the lights turned purple and people started clapping along the beat of the song, something I would’ve never anticipated in such a posh looking place.

”I, I follow, I follow you deep see baby, I follow you!” I could hear from the crowd, sung all around us as we grabbed on to each other, joining in and attempting to sing in my drunken state while dancing on the stage.

In the haze of it all, I didn’t even realise as his hands slid up my hips to my waist, holding me pressed against him. In the middle of the crowd jumping up snd down, we were blended in as he wrapped my hands around his neck, my back against his chest as he rocked me to the beat, whispering the lyrics deep into my ears.

”I, I follow… I follow you, dark doom, I follow, I follow you,”

His voice was calming amidst the rest, and I turned around in his hold, feeling his heart beat as I rest my head against his chest, my hands carving out the shapes of stars and hearts drunkenly while I hummed along to the rest of the song.

”So typical of you to get a party started and be the first bored.” He pointed out, grabbing me by my jaw and tilting my head up to look at him. Through half lidded eyes, I could still notice his mind racking with ideas of what to do.

”Oh Miss Drunkard, we gotta get you home. You know that right?” I nodded my head, instinctively wrapping my arms around his neck and letting him lift my legs up off the floor with his hands hooked under my thighs, the music ringing in my ears. It was a good thing one of us decided to stay sober, even if the other turned out to be an utter nuisance. 

“Satoru…” I let out in my small, vulnerable voice. He replied with only a “Hmm?”, walking back at a slow pace to his car. 

“Satoru… I’ll follow you.” I said, stupidly like an idiot. I regretted it almost immediately, even while drunk, but he only seemed to boost me up higher in his arms, his hold becoming more possessive. 

“I know, and even if you don’t… I’ll follow you always.” He turned his head, pecking me on my cheek before continuing to carry me, and our hearts were steady for once against each other. 

“Now though sweetheart, we have to figure out how to tell your mom about her daughter being composed of 98% alcohol right now.”

Chapter Text

It was safe to say, the next morning the house was quiet. The night prior, Satoru came home with me in his arms, passed out and my mother was flailing, asking what had happened and how I could’ve ended up in such a state. 

I could remember my focus fading in and out for me to hear him say things like it was entirely his fault, and that he should’ve supervised me. He held me close to his chest, carrying me all the way and then delivering a final kiss to my cheek when my mother stormed out of the room, wrapping me up in the blanket. 

I didn’t want him to go. I wished we could sleep in the same bed, holding each other.

I also had made attempts while intoxicated to defend him, going against my mother.

”I drank it… it’s my-“ 

Satoru was quick to shut my mouth up by placing his hand over it, shaking his head at me and telling me to stay quiet.

I wanted him. I wanted him to be around me. I wanted him to care about me openly… I wanted him. 

My hangover was intense. It was severe enough for me to be even more grateful that it was the time of the weekend. I watched my door, hoping Satoru would just come through it, and my hopes raised as I heard it click. 

My mother came through, carrying a tray with mango juice and a pancake, along with a side of soup with bread. I’ll admit, it was an extremely weird combination and left me wondering why that was her first thought. 

Regardless, I looked up at her with eyes that screamed the expression of ‘I’m fucked, aren’t I?’ 

She came up to me, crossed arms as she pulled the covers off of me, slapping my leg. 

“Ow!” I flinched from her hand coming to slap me but she stopped mid air, catching her breath as if she was doing much anyways.

”You, are in huge… huge trouble!” I told her to lower her voice with my hand, not wanting Satoru or anyone else to hear. It was bad enough having my mum still yell at me at the age I was, but it was worse to sit there and act like I was fine with it. 

“And out of everyone, you trusted him?” The emphasis left me in a state of confusion, making me raise my eyebrow at her in question.

”And what’s wrong with trusting Satoru?”

”Oh you think I don’t know? He parties all the time, probably smokes weed or something!” Her voice lowered by this point but the aggressiveness in her tone didn’t leave, and a fire boiled over in my heart.

”I trust Satoru with everything!” I fought back, in an even more confident tone.

”Oh really?”

”Yes, really. Satoru is incredible. He’s a real gentleman. At least I can actually appreciate him for what he’s worth.” 

She scoffed at me, her arms folded at her sides.

”Oh I’m sorry what happened to your little facade of despising him?” She grabbed me by my ear, tugging on it gently but enough to make me fake pain.

”Oww! I don’t despise him anymore. I’ve come to find it’s the opposite. I trust him more than anyone I’ve met before.” I confess out loud, the words coming out as a shock to myself far more than they did to my mother.

”W-what? It’s true. I trust Satoru even to guide me across a 2cm bridge blind! Out of everyone, he knows how to take care of me!” I get up, storming past her and yanking open the door handle. 

( song: so hot you’re hurting my feelings - caroline polachek )

I was busy storming off in the hallway in my literal underwear when I felt a hand yank me into a nearby room, the door shut behind me and locked as a second hand clasped over my mouth.

My mother on the other hand, shouted several times for my name and I didn’t even comprehend that she would think I’m ignoring her, my gaze distracted by a sight of Satoru half naked, a towel wrapped around his waist and water dripping off his hair as he grinned at me, his stare tracing my wide eyes.

”You meant all of that?” Oh great… now the butterflies in my stomach were surging to come out. 

“Satoru… your hair is still dripping wet… you’re focused on the wrong things.” I mumbled, looking away. 

He grabbed my chin, not paying heed to any of my words as he shook his head at me. “Did you… mean it when you said all of that?” I looked down at his abs, regretting it almost instantly as I wondered how desperate I must have looked.

”I don’t say things I don’t mean.” 

His eyes were filled with some level of satisfaction from my words, and I didn’t need them to be able to decipher that. He grabbed a fistful of my hair in his hand, pressing me up against the bathroom door and nibbling gently on my earlobe.

”Do you trust me?” 

“Obviously… is it not clear?” 

“Shhh… watch your tone sweetheart.” 

I felt goosebumps trickle down my neck from where he licked and bit, his wet hair clinging to the side of my skin. 

“If you trust me, go sit on the bathroom counter.” 

I stood there, frozen for a second as I looked at him, expecting more of a hint as to what would happen. 

“W-why the bathroom counter?” 

“You’ll see sweetheart, just go sit for me.” 

I did as told, the low tone of his voice a new change in comparison to his usual demeanour. The bathroom counter was wet, leaving me with stains on my legs and I kissed my teeth, looking up at Satoru.

”It’s okay.” He whispered, leaving me feeling weirded out by the whole premise of the situation. Satoru, out of all people, is never this calm. 

He walked over to me with a slow pace, his eyes trailing up my body as if he was admiring art in a gallery, but the way his hands twitched spoke of a different intention. 

I crossed my legs together, my arms folded as I looked up at him with pretend annoyance, but really I could feel the room fill up with hot air like a sauna, even though the shower was far over with. 

Without a word, he was towering over me, his gaze locked on to mine. The only difference is one persons was wavering and the other wasn’t. 

I gulped, looking around the bathroom.

”You never take showers this e-“ 

“Strip.”

”W-what?” I sat up straight in surprise, thinking I must have heard him wrong.

”If you really trust me Y/N, strip for me.” 

( song: love potions - BJ lips, princess paparazzi ) 

“That’s not funny, Satoru.” 

“Am I kidding?” His straight face, droplets dripping off his hair and chest heaving up and down ever so slightly told me differently.

I scoffed, my finger tapping against my arm in hesitation before I decided to give in. So long as I looked away, I wouldn’t care.

I just needed him to know I did trust him, and that my mother was wrong about him.

My shirt was the first. Then my shorts. Then my bra. Finally, I was in my panties, and he wasn’t budging.

”Go on.” He prodded, using his fingers to pull back my hair so it didn’t fall over my shoulders, fully exposing my naked body to him. 

They slipped off easily, and I tossed them to the side of the bathroom floor, my hands instinctively coming to cover me.

”All this time with my hands inside your panties and I’ve failed. You still feel shy around me.” 

He tilted his head, and I stood there under the judgement of his gaze, staring outside of the bathroom window through the single slit he left open. 

“Look at me.” 

My heart was thundering so far out of my chest I could’ve sworn this would all just be a nervous dream and I would wake it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but that I never did. For anyone. It was like stepping into deep waters as a child. 

My eyes landed on his and he took a step closer to me, his hands sliding through his hair as he slicked it back. I could see his bone structure clearly now, and didn’t seem to realise how sharp and yet comforting his features were to me. 

His features however, weren’t the only thing he wanted me to see. 

He kept coming closer to the counter, making me hike myself up on it again, leaving space for him. 

“Stop running. I’m here.” He whispered against my lips, pecking each one individually with gentle, long ones before moving on, tracing down my jaw and to every part of my cheek. 

( song: how deep is your love? - calvin harris, disciples ) 

He tilted my head up so far I couldn’t even see him anymore, eyes focused on the ceiling and it’s marble lightning strikes, his tongue leaving a wet trail on all of my healing hickeys and down my neck. 

“Look at me.” He repeated, and this time was far easier than the last. I gazed back at his face, his hand guiding mine to his cheek. 

“Touch me, feel me and experience me. You have every right to Y/N… so do it.” With that being said, I moved his hair out of his face, outlining half his face on one side, from his eyebrows down to the corner of his lips. 

It was so sudden, I didn’t even have the time to prepare.

I could just hear the towel drop to the floor, my eyes meandering down to the noise only to come across the one thing I’d been dreaming of, imagining it inside of me on empty nights. 

He grabbed my chin, tilting it down so I had no choice but to look, watching him as he pumped it in his hands. Chest heaving up and down, I hadn’t even noticed until he pressed another kiss against my jaw to comfort me, caressing under my eyes with his hand.

”Breathe.” He commanded, and I did. 

“I don’t want you to touch it today… but if you’re going to be stripped completely, I figured it’s only fair. I won’t expect anything from you, okay?” 

I gulped, nodding my head. 

I wanted to touch him. I’d done it so many times before… just not while I could actually see what I was touching. 

“Spread…” He whispered in my ear, and like a siren he somehow managed to make his symphonies pull apart all of me, my soul exposed at the route of my core. 

I leaned back on the counter, my efforts helpless as he grabbed me by my legs, his hand wrapped around my ass with one under my thigh for support, keeping me in front of him. 

Then he kneeled down on the floor. 

“S-Satoru… what are you-“

”Shh…” With no warning, he pressed his shushing lips to my clit, continuing to shush me even with his mouth against the sensitive skin. 

I twitched back a little bit from the new sensation, and with force he held me in place, peppering kisses around my vaginal opening. 

“Just stay silent, okay? Can you do that for me?” 

I gulped again, nodding my head and biting my lip as he kept his eyes fixated on me, as if watching me to make sure I was stuck to the spot and wouldn’t move. 

“Y-you don’t have to if-“ I was cut off by my own moan falling from my lips, my hand clasping my mouth shut immediately as he ran the length of his long tongue over my slit, eyes closed as he focused in on pressing his lips to my pussy. 

“Atta girl… nice and quiet.” He whispered against me, taking my clit in between his teeth and sucking it, letting go multiple times and repeating the motion as if to further tease me.

I grabbed a fold of his hair and held on for dear life, my body leaning back out of control as he steadied me, whispering comments against my folds and leaving long stripes licked, the cold air mingling with his saliva and leaving a cooling sensation. 

“Such a good girl…” Each word made me feel a sense of desire for him I couldn’t muster up into words, just keeping my skin against his skin and hoping somehow the message might just diffuse across.

”So pretty for me… this pretty pussy and this pretty taste…” At this point, it didn’t even feel like he was talking to me anymore, the way he was mumbling his words to the point of barely being coherent.

I fell weak at a couple sensitive strokes with his tongue, my leg threatening to come down, and he got up, wiping his mouth. 

I closed my legs, wondering if it was over or if he got tired.

”W-“

“Get on the towel.” 

He took the towel that was wrapped around his waist, creating a small section for me to lay my back on, making me lay entirely on the floor. 

I did as told, leaning back and he held his hand under my head as it made contact with the floor, eyes looking into mine with desire and care. 

Grabbing under both my knees, he pulled my legs so far back they were pressed against my chest, and now I realised why he wanted me on the floor. 

He paused for a second, and I laid there wondering why, holding one of his wrists that was keeping my legs up for comfort as he bent me like a pretzel. 

A string of saliva came down from his mouth, landing directly on my pussy as he rubbed it in, opening up his lips to take the rest off his tongue and massage me, making me whimper under him. 

“My baby’s so sensitive, isn’t she?” 

He whispered, making eye contact with me before going down again, his hand which was under my leg now wrapping around my wrist, slithering its way up to intertwine with my fingers. 

“Good girl…” Each lick, suck and tug felt like I was entering another dimension, and it was so much more different than porn had ever made it out to be. I was an undeniable mess, my face contorting as my eyebrows knitted together and I looked up at him with excessive need. 

The knot in my core was now begging to release, and I wanted it to as well. 

“Satoru… you should probably pull back… I’m going to-“ 

He shook his head, delivering a light spank to my ass, something he had never done to me before.

”I’m going to finish my meal.” 

I felt waves overcome me as he delivered the final, harsh licks with no mercy for the way my body twitched afterwards, overstimulated and shaking. He kept my legs spread apart with force, tongue focused on my vaginal opening as he collected up the liquid that leaked out, the vibrations of his ‘Mmm’ spreading across my pussy. 

I lay there, holding his hand and pulling him to me, my eyes half lidded. 

He pressed a quick kiss to my lips, moving my hair out of the way and delivering another peck to my forehead.

”See, that wasn’t so bad… was it?”

Chapter Text

That same night, Satoru was practically nowhere to be found. After eating me out and cleaning me up, he said he had errands to run and left me alone in my bedroom, with nothing to do the entire day. 

I was initially going to keep spending it doing nothing, but then I got a notification on my phone.

Hana: “You’re coming to Satoru’s race, right?” 

I let out a scoff with eyes widened at the sight of the text message, rubbing over my sockets once just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. 

“So this is why he has a shit ton of sports cars. Two can play at that game, Satoru.” 

-

Okay, it wasn’t exactly the most mature thing for me to do. If I was 19 like him, then maybe I would’ve minded my business but it’s only a shame I’m a bored, deserted 17 year old who just found out her step-brother races secretly when everyone has left the house, disappearing at night only to come back and say he had taekwondo. 

As if taekwondo was the reason why he was able to pay for that car. 

I was dressed in black boots, fishnet tights, a black skirt, a white and black shirt and a leather jacket. It seemed appropriate for the racing scene. 

My eyes were lined with eyeliner and I subtly pressed black powder to my eyelids, hoping that a smokey eye might give off the effect that I’m older than I really am.

I didn’t want to impose on his little hobby, of course. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to sit around at home and not know how the man who ate me out races. Even saying it in my head felt unrealistic, the inability to live with the idea that I was sprawled out on the floor under him, his mouth tethered to my womanhood. 

-

Hana came and picked me up, looking beautiful herself and wearing fishnet tights like me.

In the back of her car however were two guys I didn’t expect to see, one of them being someone from my class at school. I waved at all of them though, the only thing on my mind the curiosity to see what Satoru was like, and if he would win.

I got in the car, saddled beside her as we gave a sideways hug to one another, a beaming smile on her face as she took in the way I looked.

”Your beauty knows no bounds.” She teased, making me turn around so she could see the back of my hair as well, where I had used a butterfly clip to secure it. 

“You’re right… she is beautiful.” The guy in the back from my class said, and I turned to flash a small smile at him. 

“I’m Yuuta…” He stammered out, extending his hand forth. I hesitated before I gripped it, introducing myself.

”Ahh… you don’t have to… you’re pretty popular in our year.” 

I whipped my head back, looking at him with a raised brow. 

“I have one friend.” I stated, tilting my head at his previous comment and how wrong he was.

”N-no… everyone knows you. You’re Satoru’s sister.” 

Hearing it come from my mother was normal to me now, but when people from my school year addressed me as Satoru’s sister, it felt like the things going on between us all didn’t exist. Like there could never be something between us.

”Right, let’s go.” Hana announced, starting up the engine.

-

The sight was one to hold for the ages. People from all the different years were there, including mine. It was like everyone received an invite, all except for me. 

Hana must’ve noticed the look of discontent on my face because she grabbed my cheek, squeezing it affectionately and then shaking me till I started laughing. 

“Cheer up! I know you were down in the dumps at home but now you get to see your brother race. You should scream the loudest for him.” 

‘Oh Hana, if only you knew. He does make me want to scream the loudest.’ 

I groaned, latching my arms around her and hugging her for comfort. 

“Hey, hey stop gripping! People are going to think you’re my girlfriend or something. I’m tryna make out with someone tonight!” She giggled out, pushing me off of her as I started to full on tickle. 

We were having fun and it was all good until I felt someone shove against my shoulder. My smile dissipated as I faced the arrogant bastard just to see that cunt from the party who tried to take me with him.

”Oh… would you look at that? I didn’t know you’d be here.” His nose was still busted as he spoke, scars on it a sign of what Satoru said was my anger.

”Yeah? Keep walking or I’ll give you another one of those.” He turned to his friends, looking back at me and visibly hiding the urge to laugh. It made me feel pissed off enough to want to tackle him right then and there but I didn’t.

If Satoru was going to be here tonight, I had to avoid attention being drawn to myself. 

“You? You didn’t hand me this scar for shit. Your little saviour ass Satoru did. And tonight your sorry self is going to watch as I beat him and take the McClaren. It’s the last event of the night. Stick around.” 

I gulped, further events of the night fading in. It was Satoru. He’s been protecting me.

I felt a rage seethe through me, his eyes trailing up and down my body like I was a chopped piece of meat. I grabbed his friend’s drink and threw it at him, watching him shake off the alcohol, a glare of fury seeking me out. 

“You little bitch. Come here right the fuck now.” He pressed me on, taking steps closer as Hana tried to diffuse the situation. 

“Hey back off Naoya, she didn’t mean it.” I followed Hana’s hand yanking me back from the situation, but the men proceeded to come in closer from all sides.

”Shit, we have to call Satoru…” I watched Hana fiddle for her phone and flashes of me always sabotaging Satoru came into mind. I grabbed her wrist in a split second before she could even dial up his number, shaking my head at her.

”Hey, you. Naoya. Let’s play a game.” 

It felt like I was taking his language, the way he rose up and cracked his knuckles at me.

”I win, and whatever I want happens. You win, and whatever you want happens.” I propose, stalling time and asking Hana for a coin. 

She handed one quickly and I placed it in my palm.

”I’m tails, you’re heads. If I win… you have to leave Satoru alone… and give him your car.” I straighten my posture and my hand, eyebrows firm as I maintained eye contact with him. 

“If I win? You have to give me head. Right here, right now.” I was fighting back the urge to gag, his pungent smell already enough to make me want to leave the area.

I flipped the coin, and the anticipation between everyone was like watching to see the outcome of a hero vs villain fight in a movie.

Heads. Oh God no, not heads.

My head shot up and before I could process, he was reaching out for my wrist, making me get closer to him. 

“N-no… move! I’m 17 you idiot!” I tried to make up as an excuse, bending my knees in attempts to keep a firmer hold on my side of the ground.

”Stop… stop!” I yelled out, Hana pulling me out of his burning grip before we both fell back with a blow, looking up to see the one man who always saves me.

‘I’m fucked.’ I repeated, over and over in my head as I assessed Hana for any injuries.

Satoru was on him in seconds, and just like that night at the party I’d seen him throttle so many punches in one go that they would blur into each other.

”Touch. Her. Again. You. Piece. Of. Shit.” The pervert’s face was so bloodied I had to step in, wrapping my arms around Satoru’s shoulders and trying to pull him back.

”Satoru- Don’t… he’s going to… Wait don’t-“ 

“You. You sit back there. I’ll deal with you soon.” 

There was no playful sight in his eyes or the usual calm gleam. He was fucking pissed. 

“Touch her again in front of me. Why don’t you?”

The perv cackled underneath him, blood dripping out of his nose.

”Uh oh Satoru… looks like you’ve received a penalty.” I looked beyond the perv’s eyesight and saw a red card held up by an elder man far in the distance.

”Naoya gets a headstart. 7 seconds.” 

I watched Satoru’s gaze flicker from daggers at the man to the sight of me, and it was like he couldn’t look long enough or the anger would build up again. 

“Fuck.” He voiced out, massaging the temples on his head.

“Hey, you know what? I like seeing you pissed.” The pervert got up, wiping the blood off of his face and heading over to the man, whispering something in his ear.

”Naoya has increased the bet. The McClaren, and that woman.” I felt my throat turn dry as the man pointed directly at me, and I turned to Satoru, watching his expression change into one of pure irritation.

”She’s not involved.”

”Let’s agree to disagree. She is now. If you’re man enough, beat me and take your little sister home. If you’re not… I bet her mouth feels-“ 

A final punch was delivered from Satoru, almost knocking Naoya’s teeth out before the man came up again. 

“+3 seconds.” 

I stood there with Hana, wishing I could just disappear behind her for all the commotion I caused. Satoru wasn’t even coming up to me, merely taking glances at me from a distance and letting out frustrated breaths.

I found the courage to finally step towards him, my body shaking a little out of both the surge of adrenaline and nervousness.

”Why are you here?” He interrogated, turning ever so slightly just to catch a glimpse of me.

”I wanted to see you race…” 

“Who told you?”

Silence. He turned around fully, cracking his knuckles as he approached closer.

”Who told you?” 

“I can’t say.” 

“So it was that lesbian friend of yours?” 

“Don’t refer to her like th-“ 

“Go wait with her. The more I look at you, the more I want to beat the living shit out of him.” 

I nodded my head, ready to leave the situation, but beforehand I turned around, standing next to Satoru again. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Be sorry later. I have to win you, now please… Go. Stand over there, be quiet and don’t bother anyone.”

His tone was truthfully harsh and hostile, but not towards me. It was towards the situation itself and how messed up it all happened to be.

If I wasn’t here, none of this would’ve happened regardless.

I cursed myself internally, looking up at Hana with eyes of defeat.

”He’s just worried about you… but he won’t let Naoya take you. Worst possible scenario is he gets fined a couple 10,000s but for even him that’s chump change.”’

I nodded my head, but I knew exactly why he was mad.

It wasn’t about the money, or me being here.

It was about people thinking they could have me. In that moment when he glanced back at me with those sharp eyes, I knew what I saw as I had recognised it in my own.

It was loyalty. 

-

Satoru was in his McClaren at the start line, with the perv Naoya in his car. The green light went off and my heart sank, watching the internal conflict Satoru was having, wanting nothing more than to beat his ass but being unable to because of the headstart. Screeching of tires sounded and Naoya was off, leaving me staring at Satoru with my hands clasped, begging that he would win. 

Chapter Text

( song: breathe - yeat )

I watched with my heart attempting to leap out of my throat as Satoru drifted through the course, catching up with speed to Naoya and leaving burnt tire tracks in his wake. 

The competition was close and I couldn’t bare to see how the final lap would turn out. I didn’t care at this point about who won, but with how recklessly Satoru was driving, I was praying with my hands clasped together that he avoided a car accidents at all costs.

Cameras flicked on at either side of the start line and I watched as Naoya slammed his car against Satoru’s, making me nearly fall off of the railing I was hanging onto, my lungs burning out as I kept screaming words of encouragement for Satoru. 

The noises of their engines became exceedingly closer and closer, both of them presumably trying as hard as they could to inch in front of one another.

The start line was 10 meters away. 5 meters away. 2.5 meters away. 1 meter away. I closed my eyes in fear, covering my face and breathing in and out, Satoru’s voice in my head telling me to relax.

The crowd gasped. I removed my hands with agility. Satoru came out of his car. Naoya came out as well.

I could tell by the look on Satoru’s face that it wasn’t about his car anymore. As his eyes scanned for me in the crowd, he kept them locked on me, refusing to view the footage in real time.

It wasn’t about Naoya either. He was doing it to prove a point to me. A point to himself. That he will always win me. 

“The winner… is…” 

Breaths coming out slow and harsh, I kept my eyes fixated on him. I told myself that as long as we looked at each other, everything else could fade away. 

“Satoru.” 

I was leaping out of the stands, running down the connected staircases as he watched, a slow smirk forming on his face at the sight of me rampaging my way to him.

”Yes, yes!” I ran up to him from the bottom, collapsing against his chest and squeezing him tight. His hand covered over my head and held me, his lips finding their way to kiss my forehead.

”I’ve never seen siblings with such a strong bond…” Yuuta voiced, his hands in his pockets as he approached us to offer his congratulations. 

“And you, Naoya.” Satoru called out, watching as the pervert stormed away in a fit of rage. 

He whipped his head back, his eyebrows furrowed in anger and wrinkles on his face as he waited. 

Satoru’s hand lowered like a slithering snake on my back, finding its way to rest on my hips. He pressed me up against him and I looked around, awkwardly laughing at our friends who watched. His hand was borderline touching my ass, but I was too afraid to deny him anymore. He already did so much for me.

”She’s mine. If you think I don’t have enough money to get you a one way trip to heaven, I’ll show you what a couple 100,000s do. If I ever see you even look her way again, I’ll take way more than your car.” 

“I didn’t want her anyways.” Naoya mumbled under his breath, leaving us to rejoice in Satoru’s victory.

I tip toed, reaching his height and hugging him again, our bodies pressed tight together. 

I could feel his face burrowed into my neck, his grip exceedingly possessive around my waist. 

“This is all mine.” He whispered in my ear, patting my back as a sign for me to step back, looking down at me and positioning my hair out of my face’s way. 

“You’re getting in my car. And we’re going home.” 

Chapter Text

The car ride back was silent, but every couple minutes Satoru would raise his hand which was clasping mine, bringing it to his lips and kissing it.

I glanced at him when we arrived at the traffic light near our house, running my hand along his features. 

“Hmm?” He responded, his jaw leaning into my fingers. 

“You know… you’re the only man I want around me.” I whispered, lowering my hand down to his neck, caressing a hickey I had left there from a while ago. 

He grinned at the feeling, his free hand coming to lay on top of mine, pushing my fingers deeper into his neck.

”If I could, I would remove every other man around you.” 

“Are you not rich enough?”

He darted me with a look telling me to stay in my bounds, continuing to kiss up along the length of my arms. 

“You have to stop showing up uninvited. Just tell me and I’ll have a heads up. See what happened today?” His voice took on a more serious tone now, and it was all fair enough considering the events that transpired.

”If you’re my good girl, you’ll stay home.” He stated, his voice taking a lower tone.

”And if you stay home, I’ll be pleased enough with you to reward you.” 

I gulped, giggling in an attempt to make the situation humorous as I asked “Oh really, what rewards?” 

The gates beeped as we slowed into the driveway, his hands focused on parking his favourite car at the side. 

( song: fashion killa - asap rocky )

“Let’s just say… I’m really hungry.”

”For? You have servants you know…” I mumble, thinking back to how bad I felt for poor Gloria who made him a turkey the other day, spending the majority of her time up a bird’s vagina.

”Can they serve your pussy on a platter?” I gulped, my legs crossing over at the memory of the way he ate me out, relishing the taste.

”Cause I craved that… the whole of today.” 

“Well… that’s- anyways, you’re too lewd.” 

He turned off the engine of the car, and I didn’t exit first. Neither did he. 

The silence between us was palpable, speaking of a desperate tension. 

“Come here.” 

He didn’t have to tell me twice. I was on him in seconds, almost scratching his car as I moved seats, ass on top of his thighs as I let my leg hang either side of him, stretching into the back seats. 

He grabbed my ass, adjusting my position and using his other hand to pull my head back so far that my back was touching the dash board. 

I was confused as to what he was doing until I let out a noise of deep satisfaction, his mouth on my tits in seconds as he pulled my white shirt up over my head.

“No bra? Don’t walk around like that again.” 

He would say in between sucking, ironic since I did it for him. 

“I want you to… I want to…” I figured I should just show him instead. It was something I had been planning to do for a long time for him, but I just never knew how to. Since it was mentioned so much during the day, I figured I should just commit to it. 

I slipped down in his car, small enough to fit under the glove compartment, my body a little squished though. He spread his legs, looking down at me in confusion with an eyebrow raised.

I undid his belt, fingers fumbling out of nervousness.

”Stop… you’re not rea-“ 

It sprung out of its confines and I didn’t let him speak. In seconds, he was down my throat and even though I was close to gagging from the sheer length, I closed my eyes and pretended it was my favourite lollipop. 

It was huge, larger than I had anticipated and it was throbbing from the get go of me sucking it up. 

He let out a small moan, grabbing all of my hair in one fistful and keeping it behind me so it didn’t get in my face disrupting me. I could tell that one side of him wanted me to stop for my own sake, but the rest of him loved the way I looked, cheeks all swollen and full of dick. 

“Wait- ahh… fuck… wait you’re… this is too much for-“ I sucked hard on his tip, exactly like the girls inside of the forbidden site’s videos do. 

His balls were swollen as well, and I grabbed them in my hand, cupping them as I licked along the entire length of his shaft repeatedly.

”Fuck… that’s it sweetheart. Find your rhythm.” As if finding it for me, he grabbed the back of my head and gently guided my mouth up and down on his cock, looking down at me and distributing several words of praise. 

“Oh fuck… you’re so good at this. My sweetheart is so good at sucking my cock.” 

He came out of my mouth with a single pop and I shoved it back in, only able to go as far as two inches at a time, but with his help it felt like I was taking all of his length in. 

“Hey… you have to stop or I’ll-“ I shook my head, holding his cock at the base and letting it pop out of my mouth, looking up at him with innocent, needy eyes.

”Tell me how to make you come…” 

He hesitated before grabbing me gently by my jaw, forcing my mouth open and sliding his cock inside. He started off with just the tip, noises of need dripping out of him. Then he plunged it in inch by inch, fucking his way into my mouth with the roll of his hips. 

Before I knew it, he was yanking me up, pulling me with no warning on to his lap and spreading my legs apart, panties ripped as he began to play with my clit. 

“We’re going to come at the same time, okay?” 

He whispered into my ear, guiding me as he started to get me overwhelmed. 

“Look at your pretty pussy, it’s so shiny and wet for me. I’m going to make this pretty pussy come, okay?” 

He would repeat the lewd words over and over in my ears, his hand wrapped around his cock as he would pump it every now and then, the redness increasing each time from the need to release. 

“Ahh.. ahhh..” I worked my way up to my climax, grabbing his cock in my hand as he pressed hard into my clit, my core about to snap. 

“That’s it baby, go ahead and point it right at your sweet pussy. I’m going to come on it, okay?” 

We were like a pair of lewd animals on the hunt, hands pumping and circling hard until my head fell back into his shoulder, my high reached while his hand continued to play with me, legs shaking and begging for him to stop.

I let out one final hard tug of his cock and before I knew it, the opening to my vagina was covered in his fluids, the projectile landing as far as my upper stomach.

“Oh… oh fuck. That’s a good girl… Well done.”

Chapter Text

Tensions were high in the household. My mother was more quiet, downed out like a candle on it’s last flickers and moving about with a lingering grudge. 

Satoru’s father was no different, frequenting far more work visits and taking up calls by the minute. He seemed to be proactively avoiding a conversation with my mother, leaving her down in the dumps.

I had found her slumped down in her bed, replaying a video on repeat. Sneaking up behind her in both curiosity and understanding of how vulnerable she appears to be right now, I tuned into what the well dressed woman was saying, mic in hand.

“We’re here today with Sakamoto Gojo, and upon the new release of his clothing brand’s collection, there has also been a stir of controversy yet to be cleared.”

I honed in, so quiet a pin could drop and it would be louder than me. 

“So, we hear there’s been troubles in paradise. Something about… people saying that you might have a partner? You haven’t announced anything to the public.”

The camera panned to Satoru’s father, showcasing his contemplating expression, the ring on his ring finger that my mother gave him being fiddled with. He must’ve known what he would say next would change the trajectory of his career, and so he took the most pathetic and yet understandable approach.

”A woman in my life? Gee I’d like one… Unfortunately, I don’t have the time to find myself in such encounters, but um… the public seek one out for me and I’ll give it a shot.” 

“Really? No woman? There have been rumours sparking… And photos…”

”Those were just friends.”

I internally cringed, a sigh heaving out of my mother. I wondered how many times she must have watched that video, finally deciding to make my presence known.

”For what it’s worth, he probably had some reasoning behind that.”

My mother didn’t even turn to glance over at me, eyes fixated on his wrinkled, troubled face as she continued to speak. 

“3 years worth of first dates, rings, buying us those holiday plans etc… and he still can’t mention it.” She seemed to be disappointed, further amplified by the fact that for his line of work and online presence, it was acceptable.

”He still loves you the same way. Just not with a face to tie to the smile he holds nowadays.” Could I sound anymore like Shakespeare’s ghost writer? No. Was I going to keep going? Yes.

”People in this day and age make such profound expressions of love, they forget that even if it’s secret and sacred, to some extent it’s protected.

My mother pondered over the words for a few seconds before seeking as if her body rejected them, her head shaking as she began to spill out her point of view.

She got up, walking around the room and gathering her items together in an attempt to clean herself, as if her body was finally lulling her to give herself some fresh air and a tidied room. 

“We’ve had this conversation millions of times… me and him. He always says he’s thinking. Thinking about introducing us, and thinking about letting the world know. At the golf course, you weren’t the only reason why I was frustrated on that day. You were one of many, sure. But the most persistent one was how he introduced me. His ‘best friend’. As if I was some friend-zoned latched on hurdle to him.” 

“Well… maybe it’s because-“

”Darling, I appreciate your attempts more than anything but I think I should go downstairs and make attempts to forget about it. If the pings of texts from my close friends asking me why he said that on live television don’t stop, I’ll genuinely go crazy.” 

It was completely valid from her point of view. My mother had been right. As I watched her slip out of the room, making slight contact with the door, it reminded me of years ago when she was ready to walk out on my father. The only difference was that last time she was able to not take me and yet still did. This time she had only me. 

I knew I had to do something about it, to make her days happier here.

Moments later, I was stood knocking outside of Satoru’s door, my hands fiddling together.

Noises of his gaming from inside sounded out, and he called out to know who it was knocking. 

“It’s me.” 

I heard the lock of the door click open and slipped inside, locking it back behind me.

I turned and immediately clasped my hands over my eyes, kissing my teeth at him and stepping away. “Why are you naked?”

He looked up at me from his slouching on the gaming chair, pausing his game and staring at me like I’d said something confusing.

”Oh I’m sorry. We’ve given each other head. I’ve fingered you. I gave you most of your firsts. I’m not allowed to be sat in my room naked when you come in?” 

“N-no it’s not that.” My face turned flustered, memories of each encounter he pulled up providing me the confidence to lower my hand from my eyes.

I slipped the tiniest glance at his cock, pulling my eyes off of it immediately, a smirk appearing on his face.

”I mean… he’s up now so…”

”You’re disgusting.” 

“I’m aware… but you like that.” 

I shook my head, returning back to the matters at hand.

”Your dad is an outright idiot.” 

His smile slowly faded away as he sensed the seriousness in my tone, dropping his console down on to the bed next to him.

”Elaborate.”

”He didn’t mention my mo-“ 

“If this is about that interview, then you need to take your anger a step back and you need to consider how we live.”

”Since you already knew it was about the interview, you must have also found it a little hurtful, no?”

”From your perspective, sure. But sometimes you have to bottle down your feelings and put other’s logics first.”

”Oh this is so typical.” 

He crossed his arms at me, standing up. The fact that he was naked was like a thorn in my side, attempting to lower my attention towards the conversation. 

“No, go on. What’s typical, Y/N?” 

“Men thinking they’re all about logic and women are emotions. We’re not yin/yang, we’re human being who have a certain level of both.”

”And yet I’d say the way your mum is acting is slightly illogical, you don’t think? She kept my dad up at night, arguing with him knowing that he had a business trip today.” 

“That wasn’t her fault, she’s been feeling very caught up over it.” 

“I’m not saying it was her fault, I’m saying it wasn’t the best thing to do.” 

“Oh and your father played the perfect utilitarian right? He’s been so power-hungry since I first started reading articles about him, he even referred to my mother as being his best friend. Remember back when we were at the golf cause? He’s a coward.” The last sentence came out more quiet in comparison to the others, but loud enough to catch Satoru’s attention.  

“Y/N, you should watch your tone sometimes.” 

“I’m just saying what’s right.”

”Not everything you say, is right.” 

“Well that’s just delusional.” 

“Excuse me? What’s human being is right all of the time? Just admit you can make mistakes and be too much or too little of something too.” 

“Do you think that?”

”No. No… I’m saying that I think that it’s irrational for you to believe your point of view is always right.” 

“Whatever.” 

“No, don’t whatever me Y/N. You have to admit at one point that the words you say about other people can be hurtful and inconsiderate. I’m going to need you to apologise for calling him a coward.”

”Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t know you were such a daddy’s boy.” 

“Y/N.”

”No, no but honestly, whatever you think you should do or feel, you do that. Just a little bit of a shame knowing you’re stuck enough like glue to your father that you can’t see how he’s hurt my mother.”

”And it’s a bit of a shame knowing you always have to put your needs first, just like her. A little egocentric, you don’t think?”

”You know what, Satoru? I thought you were different to him and all of the articles about him I read.”

”And hey, I thought you were different to your mom, who clearly only came here for one rea-“ He stopped in the middle of his speech, glancing down at my face as his lips joined again, his sentence not continuing.

”No… say it.” 

“I don’t want to.”

”Say it.”

”No.”

”Say it, don’t be a coward like your-“

”Your mom has always been a gold digger. Ever since she started festering around my dad at the time of my mom’s death, lurking about.”

The silence between us thickened, an opportunity for quick realisations and resolves to take place, but it had already hurt me too much.

”You’re so stuck up and unable to see anyone else’s point of view, and you called me too emotional? You’re emotionless.” 

“Well maybe that’s a good thing because at least I didn’t turn out pointing the fingers at others. It’s not my fault we live different to you.” 

“Not everything is about the fact that we’re poor, so can you drop that notion?” 

“I didn’t mean it like that. You’re being delusional and twisting what I said. I said that we just live different. I would really appreciate it if you would just put an end to this conversation right now and we could come back later when we’re both not how we are right now.”

”Stop talking down on me like I’m some temper tantrum throwing child. I am just arguing for the sake of my mother, so I don’t have to watch her mope around this house.” 

“What is it with women? It’s not like he cheated on her or something. He just left out one tiny detail.” 

“So it’s all tiny to you?”

”No, fuck… you’re really agitating me now. You’re finding the loopholes in my words for no reason.”

”You’re just saying things you can’t accept could come off so bad.” 

“Y/N, you’re clearly not happy with me right now. I want you to leave the room and come back later so we can speak about this properly.” 

“All men do is run, I don’t get it.” 

He got closer to me, his eyes filled with a defensiveness I hadn’t seen before towards me.

”And all women do is talk. I don’t want to hear it right now.” I scoffed at his words, crossing my arms over as the corner of my lip twitched.

I was in shock to say the least.

”You know you really need to stop treating me like my words are something disposable. I will stand up for my mom.”

”Oh really? You’ll mature more in the future. As of now you’re just 17, and maybe that’s why you can’t see past yourself.” 

“Since when did age have to affect anything?” 

“Since now, seeing you act like the brat of a teenager you are.”

”You wanted this brat, so you should probably watch your words.”

”Yeah? Well maybe I shouldn’t have wanted her.” 

I scoffed, stepping back as my fists curled inward.

His chin held high, he scratched the back of his neck and turned away from me dismissively.

”Leave.”

”You know Satoru… I complained to you about him for a reason.”

He stopped in his tracks, not turning back but paying attention.

”I told you because I trusted you and I had hopes that you could somehow persuade him to be better to my mum. Because… you treated me right.” 

Stood there like a hurt buffoon, I waited stupidly for his reply, just for my vulnerability to be met with nothing.

It was enough for me.

I swiftly left the room, a sinking feeling in my gut before I slammed his door shut. 

Something in my brain was going erratic, telling me I had to distract myself before I would break down in tears. I shouldn’t be vulnerable in front of him, or any man for that matter. They were all the same, just like my father.

-

It wasn’t long before I found myself in high heels, a skimpy short skirt, a crop top and my hair up. Hana found a party and texted me, telling me that if I really was ‘having problems with my brother’ then I could escape that way. Just for a night.

And I needed it.

Watching my mother mope around in the corners of the house only flashed Satoru’s face in front of me, devoid of any sort of care for what I was saying.

He had been selling me lies in the form of physical affection and meaningless words, only for the facade to crash down under one minor argument.

Sure, a part of me felt gutted by the way I brought in those words to describe his father, but it was a reflex action compared to all of the ways my father treated her, and all of the things that lead me to say about him. 

Yuuta was there as well, trailing behind me and Hana like a quiet bodyguard, constantly bringing up how odd he felt in such a reckless, loud environment. I always knew it wasn’t Yuuta’s scene, especially when I flicked back in memory to how he covered his ears several times at the car race. 

But it was appreciative to know he cared so much about Hana’s safety as well as mine, to the point of showing up and being there for the sake of it. 

It was only a shame he wasn’t there when Naoya picked a fight at the race, only to emerge afterwards. 

I had no energy for anything, and I didn’t bother drinking either. I felt scared to drink, and it was more so only something that I did when Satoru was around, because I could always depend on him to bring me back home in the correct state. 

I had talked to a couple guys when I was there, but none of them sparked my interest and the ones who remotely did would metaphorically turn flaccid by the way I would mistakingly call them Satoru. 

I was whipped, for this man, and it was unfortunate that he could turn out to be such a jerk towards me. 

It hurt to hear him say that he regretted wanting me. All those times he kissed down my neck, gave me head, called me his with every touch of my skin. It all felt like it was pointless in the end to be discarded by a single petty fight. And he was the first to say it. 

Yuuta had noticed me looking down in the dumps a couple of times, going so far as to even dance with me to songs he said he had never heard nor liked before. It got me giggling enough to realise how much of a good friend he actually was, able to drop any idea of fun to attend to our depressive needs.

“You know, I hate to see you not smiling with those big e-“ 

I cut him off immediately, leaning over and giving him a tight squeeze, my eyes watering up intensely. He could feel my breathing turning irrational against his chest, attempting to hold it all in so I didn’t cry like a child right in front of him. 

“Y/N… let it out…” Muffled out noises of letting out all the air in me alongside the tears streaming down my face on to his chest haunted me, for how embarrassing of a display they were. He held me there in that moment with no judgment, his hand winding its way to my hair, patting it down in a protective manner.

“I know… he can be a bit of a meanie sometimes, can’t he? But it’s just brothers… it’s what they do.” 

His excuses were comforting, but it was a completely different situation as to what was happening with me. My ‘brother’ was different to any other one. 

It was disgusting to hear people call him that, but I just burrowed it down, letting all my feelings pour out against Yuuta.

”Ahh… let’s give her some time.” I heard Hana say beside me, her hand coming to pat my back as she returned with drinks. 

The night continued until late without my knowledge, until I looked down at my watch and gasped, stood up stumbling from the suddenness. Yuuta followed my gaze and kissed his teeth, apologising.

”I’m sorry, I should’ve told you. I didn’t even see the time myself. We should get back before it turns to 2am…” 

I nodded profusely, grabbing all my belongings and trailing behind him as we went to his car. 

Hana stayed back and said she would catch a ride with another girl, but they were eyeing each other up the whole night enough for me to know why she didn’t want to come along just yet. 

-

Yuuta escorted me all the way to my front door, and the porch light was still on. 

“You know… I really am glad we’re friends.” I said, wiping my eyes. I had fixed my mascara earlier but with the amount of times I started tearing up again, I didn’t know if it smudged or not.

”Likewise. You know I’m here for anything right?” I nodded my head, remembering how he gave me his number at the car race for safe keeping.

Yuuta was a trusty person to call on like that.

We stood for a second, basking in the silence of the night, all before I stepped closer to him, placing him in another friendly hug. His hand reached up to pat my back, and I almost giggled at how much he reminded me of a teddy bear.

”Am I interrupting something?” 

Nothing had ever forced me apart like that before, but the tone of Satoru’s voice made me jolt back and disattach from Yuuta immediately, leaving both of us looking at each other as though we’d done something wrong.

”N-no. I just dropped her home because, I figured you’d want her to be safe-“ 

Satoru stopped leaning against the doorframe, legs slightly spread in an authoritative pose as he straightened his back, crossed his arms and looked down at Yuuta.

”I didn’t want her out, at all. But that’s something I’ll have to talk to her about inside.”

His eyes fell on me once and I blinked, turning away from his gaze. 

“Did she drink?” 

“N-no. She was completely sober.” 

“So why did she go?” 

I decided to speak up, crossing my arms and turning on my heel to look at him.

“Why are you asking someone else all of these questions?” 

Satoru’s face went straight as he looked down at me and took a step closer, closing the front door so we were all not able to be heard from the inside.

”Right now, your mother thinks you’re in bed sleeping. She didn’t even open your door, because she trusts you. I on the other hand did. Because… I wanted to speak to you. And what did I find? You left.” I gulped, his tone sounded way too close to that of an actual older brother’s.

”I’m not asking you these questions directly because I’d rather let all hell loose when you’re inside in your room so they don’t know you’ve been out, than to do it here. But God help me, if you throw your attitude at me one more time I’ll tell everyone.” 

I zipped my lips, turning away from him again and facing the greenery next to the porch. His tone returned back to being authoritative and firm in comparison to the pissed one he just threw at me. 

“I asked you a question.”

Yuuta stumbled, his words fumbling as he tried to come up with a way to not put me in the dirt as he explained.

”She felt a little… hurt from an argument between you two.” 

“Did she tell you what it was about?” 

“N-no-“ 

“Why are her eyes red? Did you let her smoke anything?” 

“No… she… she was… quite upset.” 

“It’s a good thing you brought her home. But why choose to let her come so late?”

”We lost track of time… it was… quite hectic.”

”Right. Any guys come up to her?” 

“P-pardon?”

”Oh come on Yuuta, it’s not rocket science. Did any guys come up to her?” 

“N-no… They probably wouldn’t want to after seeing her… cry like that.”

”Okay… my final question…” I could hear the pensive and yet calmed down tone in his voice, making me take a small step away as I felt ignored by him.

”Why were you hugging her that way?” 

“S-sorry?” 

“Seemed pretty intimate to me.” I whipped my head back and looked at him, his eyes only landing on me for a split second before he chose to ignore my presence again, his icy blue’s burning into poor Yuuta.

”No… it was a friendly hug.”

”You should give her a side hug, if you’re just friends. Keep that in mind for next time.” 

Yuuta nodded his head enthusiastically, glancing over at me with eyes of apology and wishes of good luck.

Satoru watched as he greeted us goodbye, heading back to his car. “Oh and Yuuta? Good job on bringing her home.” 

I scoffed at the comment, a little too loudly as well as his eyes trailed back up to me, stood there with my arms crossed and facing away. 

He didn’t even say a word to me, grabbing me by my wrist and breaking apart the way I crossed my arms, pulling me with slight force into the house and up the stairs. 

“Are you going to say something?” 

“Wait till we’re inside.” 

He opened my door and waited for me to proceed inside first, giving me the look of disappointment. It wasn’t the first time an older figure had done that to me, but it was different coming from him.

Chapter Text

He made me sit on my bed, pulling out the chair at my desk and placing it directly in front of me, sitting down on it and leaning back just to let out a heavy breath. He finally seemed to take me in properly for the first time, as though if he looked too long before he would’ve blown a fuse.

”Does that even fit you?” My eyes followed his gaze down to my skirt, and I pulled it down in hopes it would somehow stretch in that moment, and not paint me in such a shitty light.

”It does… otherwise I wouldn’t have bought it.” 

“Why that one?” 

I grabbed the blanket on my bed and lightly covered my thighs with it, proceeding with the conversation.

”I liked the lace at the end.”

”The end? I’m wondering if it even has a start. It’s so short it could classify as a belt.” His eyes focused in on me again, taking in my body language and the way I fidgeted.

”And that crop top. I know you don’t like the cold, Y/N. You always borrow my shirts on days in the house where a breeze comes through.” His voice was completely flat, as if he was talking to an in denial toddler.

”I just wanted to switch things up today.” I let out quietly, crossing my arms over my torso half to cover my stomach up and the other half to attempt to show him I didn’t care. It’s clear only one part of my intention got to him. 

“Oh, so you’ll cover it now when you’re in front of me?” 

“It’s not like that.”

”Then why don’t you take those hands down?”

”I just don’t want to.” He let out another deep breath at my words of admission, getting up from the chair and walking over to my wardrobe. My eyes didn’t follow him until he took the steps back, dropping a shirt hooked to a hanger on to my bed. 

“If you’re so uncomfortable, at least put that on.” He sat back down in front of me, and it was clear he wasn’t going to look away or make attempts to let me dress in peace.

I slipped off the crop top over my head, trying to make the change swift.

”No hickeys?” I paused, letting the shirt slip down my body by itself before letting my arms fall down to either side of me in a frustrated move, almost glaring at him.

“No, I don’t have hickeys.” 

“Why not?” He brought a leg up on to the chair, leaning back further and resting his elbow on top of his knee. 

“I didn’t want one.” 

“Why not?”

”Can you stop? I didn’t want to touch anyone.” 

“Well… I bet they wanted you.” 

“Stop.”

”Y/N, you went out the entire night wearing a crop top and a sorry excuse for a skirt, your eyes look like they have shadows around them that could seduce anyone and it’s currently 1:30AM. And you want me to play nice?” 

“My intent was never to seduce anyone.” 

“But it was to irritate me, right?” 

He had me there. I didn’t want to directly say it out loud but… part of distracting myself from thoughts of him did include factors of him finding out and getting irritated, but in that moment I didn’t care.

I was too heartbroken.

”No.”

”Then?”

”I wanted to distract myself.”

”From?”

”The argument we had today.” I looked away, pretending something else had gathered my attention as my eyes filled up again, the same way they did the entirety of the night.

”Did you cry a lot?” 

The question only made my face screw up more, causing me to turn away completely in embarrassment. He knew how to push on all the buttons someone could find on me.

I just nodded my head silently, wiping the half of my face that was still visible to him.

”Was it because of the entirety of the argument… or because of what I said at the end?” There was a softness lingering in his voice, and I could’ve sworn he sounded like he was getting closer. 

“If you regret wanting me, don’t talk to me.” The words came out sharp and hostile, and I sprung up from my bed, wanting nothing more than to escape the situation.

He caught my hand in mere seconds, lightning speed but expected from someone of his calibre. I felt a force tug me back and turn me around, and before I knew it my face was making contact with his chest. His hand wound its way into my hair, caressing it lightly up and down. 

I attempted to hold my breath for a couple seconds, refusing to be any more pathetic and let out tears on his chest. The silence between us thickened, his heartbeat steady and the rise of his chest following a rhythm.

”Cry.” 

And that, was all I did. He closed the bedroom door to prevent the sounds from reaching far, lifting me up by hooking his hands under my thighs and bringing me to the bed. Before I knew it, he laid me down in his arms in a cradled position, holding me and letting me rest my head against his shoulder.

At times, while the tears began to stop flowing so harshly and came closer to a halt, he would lean down and kiss my forehead, pulling my hair out of my face’s way and uncovering a glossy, wet surface.

But he didn’t look at me with eyes of reluctance, nor disappointment. He didn’t look at me like I was a pathetic mess. In the couple of times I had braved the courage to peer back into his face, the way his eyebrows ever so slightly knit together and his lips would twitch themselves told me that he hated it. The sight of me crying.

”Your eyes are all red.” He whispered, running his thumb under them to wipe any residual tears.

I nodded my head, slowing down my breathing and zoning out in his arms. All I wanted was to be in those arms, but at the same time it was like thorns thinking about what he said. 

“I told him.”

I readjusted my head on his chest, letting out a soft noise for him to continue.

”That… he was being an ass. Those exact words. Because you were right. And… because even though I also could’ve been right from my perspective… I prioritised yours because you and your mum were hurting. And… you’re my baby.” 

He leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead, this time deep and slow as if to try and let the love seep into my mind.

”You can stay quiet, but listen to me, okay?” 

With a finger hooked under my chin, he slowly tilted my head up and let my gaze fall on him once before allowing me to return to looking off in the distance. A simple nod was all he needed from me.

“I came to find you after I argued with him. He didn’t see the points in my argument until the very end of it, and yet somehow by the middle of the day he came to apologise to her. I wanted to tell you because I wanted you to know you’d won at something.” 

“My heart, Y/N. You won at my heart. I would’ve never done that for any other girl. And you won at your pleas. After all, everything I told him was just a reflection of what you had told me.” 

After a moment of silence, I rested my hand on his chest, drawing smooth circles. 

“When I came to this room, and you weren’t there… I plummeted. The only thing you really left for me was clues that it was a party, what with all of your clothing for that left sprawled out. Your desk was cluttered with makeup as well. And your room? The usual perfume scent that drives me crazy. Except… you weren’t there this time to satisfy that drive.” 

“And you know what… it taught me something. Once I had my first taste of you, I can’t leave. I’m bound to it. I don’t just want you, Y/N.” 

He tilted my chin back up to him, letting me settle in for a few seconds before pecking along my jawline, making his way softly to the base of my ear. 

“I need you.” 

The words vibrated, letting goosebumps travel far around my body. They repeated in my mind for several seconds, even as he slipped back a little to continue his dialogue.

”The entire day I thought about you. I sent about 100 texts. I called 20 times. I was even ready to get in my car and try find you, but I didn’t want you to get home at a time I wasn’t there. That’s when Hana finally texted me. She told me you were safe, at the minimum. So I waited. And I waited.” 

His hold got even more possessive, wrapping around me as his legs came up to prop me in his arms, pulling me even closer to his chest. 

“I’ve never had someone’s words and touch glued to my mind so much. You haunted me in those few hours. Your smile, your scent, your giggles, your bold remarks, the smooth touch of your skin to mine.” As he listed each thing, he pressed another kiss against my cheek, as if counting them down that way.

”Then you finally showed up at the door, and what do I see? Another guy with his hands wrapped around what’s mine. Truth be told, I was ready to upper-cut him. I was… But then you stepped back and I saw your face. I’d never seen you so vulnerable before, and so upset.” 

“My heart broke in that moment, and not because someone else was touching the woman I loved, but because the woman I loved was looking at me with defeated eyes, and I had been the one to blow out the flames she burnt for us.” 

His voice was wavering a little, as if in denial. His hand wrapped around the back of my neck, caressing the lining of my spine and pressing me further into his chest, as if he wanted me inside of his skin.

”I regret all I said earlier. I need you to know I’d never ever mean that. And I can give you all the proof you want. Just think about it… even after you kissed me… all of the women I had lining up? They would blow my phone up in anger because I completely stopped responding, eventually blocking all of them. You were the holy grail. After I found you, what did I care for anyone else? If I fucked them anyways, only your pretty little fingers touching yourself would’ve come to my mind. Because they always did after that. At dinner, at school, in my car alone. Just the way you played with yourself in the dark when you knew no one would be watching. You let yourself go, and I felt something for someone I never felt before. I needed to be there to praise you for the small things you did, all that set me on fire.” 

“You’re not irrational. I am, for thinking you could never be. You always have grounded me since I’ve met you. You’re the highlight of my day and my night.” 

“I guess also, what scared me most today was the idea of you out alone. I can’t bare to come to terms with it, without feeling like I need to break something around me. You? Alone? I’d rather be tethered with my hand to your ankle for life.” 

“I just kept thinking about you, and those pretty eyes and how fucked up I would become if I found out something bad happened to you. I could kill someone… for you, Y/N. Kill someone.” 

He pressed the words against my lips, breathing in heavier as if taking in my air and being able to touch me at the same time, holding on to the experience.

”Even if someone did touch you… sexual or not. The worst part is…  I was ready to completely not blame you in my mind and just… For you, there are things I would do for no one else. My ego and pride would be in the way for them. But you’re my number one priority and pride is below that.”

”And I don’t care if you’re 17. No one else is allowed to touch you. I don’t care if someone in your year likes you, or someone in the older years, or fuck even someone older than me. You’re mine. That’s how it’ll always be from now.” 

“The thought of someone else knowing all of the intimate things about you that I do leaves me nauseous. The way you grin, the way you tap your feet on the floor while eating, the way you lean against the sink while brushing your teeth… the cute little noises you make when I go down on you, the way your fingers coil in my hair… the way you look up at me for that validation. From your every-day tasks to the things you do just for me… I want it all.” 

He leaned into me again, pecking my lips lightly. I reciprocated, not wanting to let him go.

”I’m sorry. For hurting you with my words. For telling you to leave my room. For not chasing after you immediately. For being cold to your tears, even when you came back. It’s not typical of us, and I don’t want it to ever be. You and I? We fit perfectly.”

He leaned forward a little, his grip firm on me as he pulled the covers over both of us, laying down beside me. 

“Never again, okay?” 

I nodded my head at him, burrowing my face into his scent. 

Chapter Text

We woke up the next morning in an unorthodox manner to normal days, crossing over limbs and intertwined like a pretzel. I looked down at my body to feel a breeze and see we were both naked. He had his hands wrapped tight around my waist, our lips merely seconds apart.

I’d never seen Satoru in such a vulnerable position before such as when he sleeps, his hair tousled and his eyes shut to reveal the most peaceful expression. 

I removed strands that covered his eyes, propping myself up on an elbow to look down at him His eyelids slowly opened, looking up at me squinted before he rubbed his eyes, letting out a noise of approval and pulling me back into his grip.

I giggled as he held me against his chest, our bodies smushed together in the process.

I’d never touched this much of Satoru before, and it was a relieving, warm feeling in comparison to the usual only touches for intimacy we had.

He breathed in and out against my chest, peppering kisses around my skin in silence.

I prompted the conversation first, caressing the hair around his ear and then kissing just above his eyebrow. “When did you get me naked?”

He let out a small huff of laughter, as if he had been caught for a crime. “When you sweated last night. I held you in my arms so long we were both burning up. Double that with the morning bringing a summer heat, I couldn’t leave you there in those clothes. Plus… you sleep naked anyways.” 

The last set of words rolled off his tongue naturally, and I squeezed him in a hug around his neck, sitting on top of him, leaning so that my chest was placed on his chest. 

“Wait… how do you know I sleep naked?” 

“Do you not remember the first morning you spent here?” 

“I had a bra on… and panties.”

”Oh… those weren’t necessary today. A little bonus for me.” 

I playfully hit him across his chest, rolling on the bed so that we were lying besides each other again, looking into each other’s eyes. 

“Sometimes I think about how insane it is.” 

“How insane what is?” Satoru questioned, his fingers tracing my jaw.

”I’ve kissed and… done some things with the most popular boy of the eldest year.” 

“Actually, the most popular boy of all the years combined. You underestimate me sweetheart. That and… I wouldn’t say we’re done some things. We’ve done most things.” 

“Alright, alright. I didn’t know you were so adamant on the specifics.” 

He blinked at me for a few seconds in admiration, before he looked down at my body, his hands reaching over with his fingers trailing outlines.

”When do you… think you’ll be ready?” 

“For..?”

”Sex.”

I gulped, thinking to myself. “I-if you want me to-“

”No. I want you to.” 

“I’m ready now.” 

“No you’re not.”

”What?”

”You only said you’re ready now because you think I want you to have sex with me.”

”N-no I’m saying it of my own accord.”

Without warning, he pressed the palm of his hand against the left side of my chest, looking up into my eyes with concern.

”Your heart is beating so fast it could come out.” 

“That’s… always.”

”No, this time it’s different.”

”How do you know?”

”With the amount of times I’ve touched your chest and pressed my lips or head against it, I guessed you would think I know you a little better now.” 

My lips curl into a smile, but it slowly disappears as I feel regret for not being able to give him what he wants.

”If you want to have sex… we c-“ He pressed his fingers against my lips, shushing me before shuffling closer and connecting his forehead to mine.

“I want to be the one when you want to have sex.” 

We laid there in silence for a bit and I found myself thanking him internally for being so understanding. Sex was a scary topic for me, especially because I had heard a lot of discomforting experiences of it from my friends.

”Does it hurt?”

He placed his hand back on my cheek, caressing the bone there.

”I’d be a liar if I said it doesn’t the first time.” 

“H-how bad?”

”Girls tell me it’s a pinch for a bit. But I don’t want you to base how it’ll be for you on what they say. I want you to have the most painless experience I can give you. Shit, I’ll even start researching on that site you like.” He winked at me with a grin, and my mind trailed back to that night.

”That was such an embarrassing moment.”

”I love it more than anything in my memories.”

”Why?”

”Because I got to kiss the woman I now know is the one.”

”H-how do you know I’m the one?” 

“You know how beautiful you are? Inside and out? When they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I believe it because to me you’re the most beautiful experience I’ve lived. Not Mount Everest, or any of that bullshit. You.” 

“And… you’re the first girl who’s not bored me yet. There’s a reason why you kept hearing new noises every week.” 

I gulped, the next question spilling out before I could stop it.

”D-do you miss having sex… with them?”

His eyes changed and he looked at me as if I was absurd, before a small smirk appeared in the corner as he curled his lip, his voice becoming lower as he spoke.

”Do I, Satoru Gojo, miss having sex with other women? Oh the things I could tell you about that… well for starters… I discovered a different universe when I was on top of you that night and I accidentally kissed you. I wanted nothing more than to stay frozen in that moment, all till you pushed me back. Then… you bewitched me. Everywhere I went and everything I did, you were on my mind. You and those fingers. I loved to think about your fingers.”

He grabbed my hand in those moments, straightening my middle and index finger, pressing kisses to the tips of them. “I love these fingers so much, because they make you feel good as well.” 

“And when I first rubbed my fingers all over your pussy? In that moment, all I could think about was wondering how pretty it would look if you squirted all over the both of us. I wanted to see you unfold.” 

“Even just kissing your breasts, and hearing those little noises you make come out of your mouth, gets me so painfully hard that when I stop pleasing you, I have to use my hands to get rid of the sensation after. And every time I come thinking of you? I swear I let out a little more.” 

“And… if I’m honest Y/N? I get way… way… way…” He paused, bringing me in closer by shifting my neck towards him, and in my peripheral I could see him holding his cock in his hand. He wasn’t trying to bring it to attention, but I could tell he was getting harder with each description. 

“Way… hornier… when I pleasure you, compared to when you try with your innocent little self to pleasure me. And it’s not because you’re not doing a good job… Oh it takes me energy to hold back the urge to come when you’re touching me. It’s just because… I was made to please you first.” 

“So, if you ask me if I miss sex with other women… my simple reply would be that I forgot what sex with other women feels like, after feeling and experiencing you. And I know, that when you’re ready… which isn’t right now Y/N… but when you are… I’ll make those sensitive walls inside of you feel like they can never be empty again.”

”I’ll leave you crossing your legs over all the time, just to fill the fact that something of mine isn’t pumping inside of you.” 

All of his words got me hot and heated, making my eyes turn weak at keeping themselves open, my core throbbing a little without his touch.

With that, he sat up and seemed to think to himself, hard cock in his hand and eyes trailing all over my curves.

”I got an idea. And you’ll like it.” 

Chapter Text

“Spread your legs and lean back.” My heart was beating out of my chest at his command, and I did as told with weak limbs.

I found my back pressed against the headboard of my bed, the irony of my teddy plushie being there to witness us both leaving me gulping. 

As if he knew, Satoru leaned over with a devil-like grin, grabbing the body of my teddy and turning him around.

”You don’t want him to see?” 

I nodded my head and he nodded back to me, patting the head of my plushie in a playful manner before straightening his back and returning to his position. 

He looked down at the trap of sensitive bundles in between both my legs, and even his eye contact was enough to make it go swollen with desire for him. I grabbed both my legs on either side, running my thumb over the bases of my feet while holding them apart for him. 

“Look at you… You look so perfect like this.” He praised, looking at me like an artefact inside of a museum, glancing at me with thoughts running through his head that I couldn’t decipher. 

He reached forward and let out a small noise of content, running his finger deep along my slit and watching as my body curled under his grip. He loved knowing the power he had. 

It was enough to get me going, and eventually I closed my eyes and slouched down on my bed, beginning to manoeuvre my hips to be able to grind far into his touch. 

“So needy…” Every comment he made had me feeling like a desperate mess, but I wouldn’t know what to do without those words. If this was what foreplay was like for everyone, I was confused as to why people who didn’t want sex even existed. 

I kept rolling my hips down to cover more surface area of my wet folds with his fingers, a little shamelessness coming out of me with each movement.

Before I could respond, his hand was yanked away from me, and sure enough I was left with a loneliness between my legs. I pulled back again, composing myself and looking up at him with knitted brows.

”You want it?”

”Yes.”

”Not today.” 

“Why?” 

“Today, I want you to play with yourself.”

“H-huh?”

He grabbed my wrist on my right hand, directing it with precision until my index finger was on my clit. “Just like that day.”

“B-but… that means only I end up coming.”

”No it doesn’t, because I’ll be coming right next to you.” He gestured to his straight, erect member, held gently in his hand.

”Although… we could be more comfortable.”

I raised my eyebrow at his words, unable to contest as he got up and grabbed the body oil on my desk, getting back down next to me.

Before I knew it, I was watching the liquid drip on to his abdomen, trailing all the way down in the most seductive manner to the base of his cock.

”Could you get that for me? The oil… It should be able to moisturise everywhere, right?” His teasing tone left me rolling my eyes at him, but even I couldn’t stop the way my hand travelled to his member, smothering my fingers in the oil and then curling my hand up and down his cock. 

“Okay… okay… stop. I’ll come at that rate. And I don’t want to come before you come.”

He leaned me back down again, spreading my legs apart with his knees and grabbing the oil off of the bedside table. The cooling drops landed directly on my crotch, just above my pussy. He let out noises of awe as he began to paint with his fingers, glossing over every crevice I had and leaving me aching for him in the process.

“That feels really good… when you touch it…”

”And when you touch it?” 

“N-not as good…”

“Well… I’m sorry baby. But you’ll have to be the one to touch it today. I need to please myself.” I looked up at him and agreed in a whisper, letting him sit back. 

He was on his knees, and we were both on the mattress on opposite ends of each other. He gestured for me to start first, and I did. My eyes closed, my chest heaving up and down a little in anticipation and my clit throbbing for stimulation, my fingers began to work their abilities just like that day. Except this time, there wasn’t the fear of being watched. There was the need.

”That’s it… just like how you used those pretty fingers on that day.” I could hear noises of his hands sliding over his oil-slicked shaft, the dirty moans coming out of his mouth prompting me.

”Stop holding back sweetheart. They can’t hear you in here. Only me. And I want to hear you.” As if because of his saying, my mouth automatically let itself hang open, dirty little slithers falling out of me now as well with each pressure press of my fingers to my clit.

”Oh yeah? You look like you know exactly what makes you feel good.” I opened my eyes for the first time since we begun, surprised to see he was leaning back against the pole of my bed, his abdomen glossing and shining as his stomach went up and down, hands working so fast and rough on his cock I wondered how he wasn’t forced to come yet. 

I let out another desperate noise, eyes fixated on how he focused on the tip of his cock, far from the rest of his length as his half lidded eyes focused on me, his eyes drifting up and down every second with intense desire. 

“Just to reach over and… please you… Oh fuck.” He began to lean his hips into the motion, thrusting into his curled hands. Suddenly, I came to know what he meant now by fucking into his hands. He really was.

I watched his cock tip disappear under the cover of his palm, just to resurface at the top, looking more heated and ready to go with every second. 

All of it was a powerful turn on, making me work my fingers faster than ever just to savour the quick heart beat I had and the goosebumps that trickled down my side. 

“Yeah… good girl… that’s it.” 

He came closer to me now from the foot of the bed, so much so he could reach out next to me and caress my jawline.

”You look so pretty when you try and make yourself come. I wonder how many times you’ve done it without me… Tell me sweetheart… How many times do you masturbate?” 

I looked over at him, and I peered into his barely focusing eyes, his hands so hard on his cock that I could hear slapping noises every time his arm made contact with his lower body. 

“Once a day…” The answer made his smile curl inwards and he leaned in, directing my lips to his and letting us submerge ourselves into a fiery kiss. My hand was still working hard at its task, not letting me relieve myself as his kiss only seemed to make the knot at my core tighten around faster.

”I’m surprised those fingers don’t have a scent like your sweet pussy. I bet you want them down there all the time.” 

I shook my head at him, leaning in and whispering against his lips with breathy words.

”I want you down there all the time.” 

“Oh, fuck Y/N.” He let out in a low noise similar to a growl, pulling me in harsh for another forceful kiss, his hands getting louder against his cock.

Our tongues collided and didn’t have to fight hard for dominance as he took over quickly, his hand sliding down to mine in the process while I was distracted, wrapping around my wrist.

He finally looked down and my eyes travelled to where his landed, both of us caught up by the image of his hand controlling how hard and fast my index finger played with my pussy. 

“You don’t know how to tease it like I do. You use the same momentum, speed, pressure, all the way throughout. You need to tease that pretty pussy if you want to come harder.” 

He breathed the words of advice against my lips, tilting my head again to meet his kiss, and sure enough while he kept changing speeds against my pussy, the knot seemed to grow stronger and stronger. 

It was all too unbearable and soon enough I was repeating the words over and over in his ear, a constant show to him of his victory. He was making me come faster than I had ever done before, and he didn’t even need to directly touch me. 

“Look at that. You’re squirming underneath your own fingers now and all I had to do was give you a little tip.” 

“Satoru… I need to come…” 

“I know baby, I know…” 

“Satoru- S- I need to…” 

“Then you know what to do baby. Show me how much you love your fingers.”

”S-satoru…”

”Come on Y/N.”

He pressed his forehead against mine, our lips wide open and quiet moans releasing from us both, the only noise in the room being that of his hand still pumping his cock hard up and down, and the ruffling of the sheets as we would move our limbs every now and then in ache for each other.

”Fuck… Satoru…” I let out his name in a manner I hadn’t done before, completely releasing myself to it like a vow. It tumbled out of my mouth in a high pitched melody of a moan, and even I could’ve got turned on by the way it came out, so breathy and needy. 

My core finally snapped and soon enough, I was riding out my high, hips bucking underneath me as I made sure to fully drain out every hint of pleasure.

He followed my moves, pressing his forehead deeper into mine and calling out my name in need, and before I knew it I felt hot liquids cover the surface of my chest. He continued to pump his cock till each thrust stopped bringing out another shot of his cum, sitting back and looking at me.

”Fuck… You’re covered in me.” Although his words were slightly hinted in a little bit of sympathy, nothing could remove the utter sly grin on his face in that moment, adoring me like I was some sort of masterpiece.

I glanced down at the dripping liquid on my chest, and sure enough he was right. 

“Stay there. I’ll clean it up-“ Before he could even act on it, I reached down with my index finger and scooped up the remnants, paying him a slight glance as I pushed my finger deep into my mouth, collecting up his fluids. 

He watched in awe of me as I continued, all until most of it was off of my chest and inside of my mouth now. 

“Did that taste okay?” 

I nodded my head at him, a small smile playing on my face.

”I’ve always wanted to do that you know… Come to watching you come. I just didn’t know it would end up feeling that good, but hey. Everything done with you feels way better.” 

( guys i need some motivation to continue please comment ) 

Chapter Text

A couple weeks since that event had passed and I couldn’t stop the butterflies emerging in my stomach every time I even walked past him in the house when anyone was around. I was surprised the servants weren’t looking at me weirdly or even that they didn’t know yet, considering how much we seemed to do when we were alone. 

Satoru was no good either. If he ever caught me alone, we’d end up kissing at the minimum with him asking me if I ate and how my day was. Then if I wasn’t home and instead was out with friends, he would always ask for my address so he could come pick me up, which always lead to something in the car. 

What probably made me feel even more shameless however, was the way that I was started to call it on more often. When we were stuck in traffic, I would grab his hand and direct it under whatever I was wearing whether it be a skirt or leggings. 

Then, before I knew it we were in the back seat of the car and he was holding me down while his tongue was savaging me in between my legs, no mercy for the way I cried out for him. 

If we were in the hallways? I’d look at him all vulnerably and he would know exactly what it meant.

And before I knew it, I’d be on my knees in front of him in his room, watching his abdomen move inward and out as he thrust his hips, letting it reach the back of my throat over and over. 

We knew what each other needed. 

He might have been the one doing everything, but it would be a lie to call him a complete instigator. 

This day, Satoru was eating a bowl of cereal in front of me, our parents in the kitchen giggling and chattering while we lived with our secret just a meter away from them. 

He would look up at me every time they looked away, winking at me and letting out a persistent smirk. 

Sometimes, whenever I zoned out or found myself eating, he would run his foot up my leg and tease me, always making me think he would go higher.

He didn’t stop with the teasing as well. It was relentless.

”You guys have seemed to get so close now. It’s endearing to our family.” My mother turned and said, watching as Satoru walked in behind me, playfully wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me to him. 

“Oh yeah, she’s the greatest little sister to take care of. She listens so well.” I could’ve elbowed him in the stomach for that, but I didn’t. I just gave my mum a second long smile and then collected my smoothie from the fridge, turning back around and looking down as I walked past him. 

“Hey… there’s something I forgot to tell you two.” I stood behind the kitchen counter aa Satoru sat on a stool beside me, my mother on the other side. His hand snaked its way to my ass and I looked back, only to realise his hand was so far under the counter you couldn’t tell. 

He squeezed the skin there, massaging into it and making me put on a poker face with all the spirit I had, to prevent the action somehow manifesting on my face. 

“We have to attend a gala tonight. It’s… your father’s first time introducing me publicly. Well I mean… he did tweet it out but… this seems more… efficient.” 

She let out a small laugh at the end of her words and I gave her a deep, joyful smile. I loved the way my mother was finally being treated right.

Was just a shame her daughter was being treated wrong under the table, with her confident step brother pressing his fingers against her thigh. 

“Oh that’ll be great. I’ll take Y/N in my car.”

My mother shook her head, looking down at us both. 

“No need. We’ll take one car just to make our lives easier. Parking there isn’t exactly… the best.” 

I was in my room, staring at the clock as I began to put on my high heels. They were black and had a pointy heel bit to them which I wasn’t anticipating in excitement the idea of tripping over. I slid on my dress, watching the magic happen as it hugged around my curves, pushing my breasts up higher on my chest. 

“Would you look at that…?” I whispered under my breath, turning to the side as I tried to locate the zipper on my back to pull up.

”Indeed.” I couldn’t help the small laugh that slipped through my lips at Satoru’s tone of admiration, his steps coming in through the door until I could feel his hands snaking up my back, letting in a deep breath to suck in my stomach while he pulled up on the zipper and I felt the fabric latch on to me.

”I might have to keep you at home.” He remarked, stepping back and grabbing my index finger with his, pulling it up and making me do a 360 in front of him. 

“You’re so beautiful.” I nodded my head, letting out an arrogant, jokey response.

”I know I am.”

”Good. You always should.”

I finally took a good look at him, admiring his suit and how slender and muscular he looked in it, the height adding to its effects of charm.

”You look really good.” I swallowed, the inside of my head telling me to stop blushing like an idiot. 

“I’m going to feel really sad, you know. Soon everyone will know about…” He leaned in from his height to my ear, pressing his lip against my lobe before whispering. 

“How beautiful my step-sister is.” 

I playfully whacked him on his chest, making him step back as I headed to my desk to put on the rest of my jewellery.

We were out of the house and like mentioned by my mother earlier, there was only one car readied for us. Satoru and I got into the back, him supporting me getting in first with a hand behind my back and one holding me for balance. The dress was a little stiff, and so at times I felt like a cardboard box, the way I couldn’t even bend.

His hand was on my thigh the entire time, barely visible whatsoever from the shadows lurking in the car at night. Every now and then, when I glanced away from him for long periods of times, he would caress it, grabbing my hand and pulling it into the shadows where he would hold it.

It was nice, the feeling. Him tracing the tips of my fingers and the outlines of my veins. The way he massaged into my knuckles as if he knew they had been stiff. I let him do whatever he wanted to my hand, moulding it into his own or stretching it out, either way as long as he was holding it, it was fine. 

“I hope Satoru explained to you how… the paparazzi at these events work.” 

Satoru looked down at me and his face contorted into a slightly apologetic manner as he cursed under his breath, thinking of what to say.

”I’ll tell her now, I forgot. When we step out, you have to hold on to me and not let go. Look down as well so their lights don’t blind your eyes. Stay in the middle as well with your mother and we’ll both stand on the side so it’s less likely for them to get to you. And whatever you do, don’t answer any of their questions without any one of us present.” 

His hand flipped over my palm now, tracing light circles in the middle of it in the dark, his face a completely different expression as he looked over at me in a protective, commanding, brother-like manner. 

The car halted and a man came up to the side to collect the keys from the driver, opening up the doors. Immediately, I knew nothing like what I had experienced next. Satoru covered in front of us with his hand, coming out of the car first and turning his back to the paparazzi so I was left with a shadow from all of the bright lights to help me manoeuvre my way out.

He held my hand tight in his when I did get out, continuing to rub the circles on the back of my hand and guide me to where my mother was stood. I looked down as told but my heart was ready to lap out of my chest, the blinding lights only pushing the feeling further down my stomach. 

“You’re okay.” He glanced down at me and although I tried to maintain my poker face as well as possible, he must have saw right through me. 

“I’m here…” He whispered into my ear, squeezing my hand again and fully covering it with his, encouraging me with gestures to bring my other hand to his arm, both of them locked securely onto him. 

The flashes lasted a couple seconds more before I found myself surrounded by an aromatic fragrance, opening my eyes to see we were placed inside of a golden hall, food everywhere and people with several bottles of champagne surrounding them laughing in the most rich tone I’d ever heard.

It was just like the scenes in movies where everyone was old and wearing beautiful, long dresses with an even older, confident and yet probably douche-baggy man attached to their side.

I was still holding tight on to Satoru, and he looked down at me, peering into my eyes with a low voice.

“You okay? They didn’t say or do anything right?” I nodded my head and was startled to hear a cough from besides us. My step-father and mother were looking at the way we were practically latched on to each other, and my mother gestured for me to pull away from him.

I could feel the resistance between us before he loosened his grip, his hand falling besides mine as they brushed lightly.

She gave me a sudden, longer glance before turning back to my step-father, and his eyes were pulled off of us by the announcement of a group of people coming up to them, introducing themselves.

For a second, my heart dropped, and embarrassment sank in a little. They definitely found that odd. 

I glanced up at Satoru, taking a minor step away from him which he caught with his eyes, his hand coming up to the back of his neck as he thought. 

“It’s fine, just tell them you felt anxiety… I’ll say I was being protective over you.” I nodded my head, fixing the gloves I was wearing and flattening down my dress.

”Stick by me… I don’t want you to go talking to the wrong people here. I’ll let you know which ones are good and-“

He whisked me by my arm all of a sudden, the unexpectedness making me shuffle towards him as he gave a glare to the couple who walked past.

”Some people here are so ignorant. There is your first example. They’re not here to be polite in any way. They’re here to form bridges and connections.” 

I stored the information deep into my mind, looking around to see if I could capture any links between what he was saying to me and the people wandering. 

“Those two? They’re obviously on the brink of divorce. You can see it on their faces.”

I challenged his assumption, raising my brow. “What if they’re not?” 

“Well for starters… his ring is on. Hers is not. He looks roughed up. She doesn’t. No businessman is roughed up because his wife is cheating, because the simple answer to that for them is prostitutes. He’s roughed up like that because he probably slept on the couch last night and is worried she will file his misdeeds down and he will be in the papers tomorrow for deep adultery.” 

I blinked a couple times, and when I finally opened my eyes I could see the story he was painting with that deep, observant tone in his voice.

”Them over there? They’re happily married but… I want to say they’re worried that, that guy who seems to be their son over there will embarrass them.” 

“How?”

”Pay attention to where his glance.” Sure enough, I traced where his eyes seemed to be staring into and I found them on another boy who seemed to be of the same age in a blue suit, talking to a girl with a red dress. 

“He wants the girl in the red dress? How is that embarrassing.”

“That as a scenario wouldn’t be. But i’m afraid sweetheart that you’re wrong. He wants the boy.” 

“Oh shi-“ Satoru pressed his finger to my lip before the word could come out, quickly removing it as he realised where we were in the public eye.

( song: sure thing - miguel )

”No swearing. Not here anyways. They’d say you’re ill-mannered and that my dad picked you up from the streets. And if they did write that in the papers… I’d personally fuck them up.” 

“Now they’ll say you’re ill-mannered.”

”Oh sweetheart you’re an angel. I’m the rebel child. You have to live up to the standards.” I watched in pretend awe of how quick he was with his words, a wink that he gave making me want to push him. 

“What about them?” I point at a family across from us, with a man as tall as Satoru but holding an unbothered, straight faced gaze. His family and him all had black hair and black suits, the youngest appearing to be an early teenager. 

“Oh them? The kids are probably alright. But the dad? He’s my… competition in the business world right now. Don’t talk to him, and don’t let him talk to you.” 

“He’s that bad?”

”I don’t want him to have the pleasure of talking to you. He doesn’t deserve it.” 

“Then hey… Satoru. Can you tell me about those two?” 

“Sure, where?” 

I point at myself and then him, my eyes pouring out a devoted look of hope. I didn’t want to believe that we would just be two who lived in the dark for the rest of our lives. I didn’t want to be.

He fully faced me, his arms sinking into his suit pockets as time stopped for everyone else but us, our gaze locked. 

“Oh, them? First of all, I would say the guy is very lucky. I think the girl he’s with is the most beautiful woman here tonight. I also think that he doesn’t deserve her though. That glint in her eyes, the little giggles that pour out when he’s talking, the affection she holds for him in her eyes. I think he’s scared of ever losing her… and that he would trade his existence for hers if need be. I think from the way she gazes up at him and clings to him, that she might just need him as much as he does her. And I think he stands to live with that as his role, to protect her. I think that out of every couple here tonight, they might be the youngest duo at just 17 and 19, but I can’t help thinking that maybe… just maybe… they might be the most in love here. Y/N I think… I think that guy wants nothing more than to put a ring on her finger. And to… to have kids with her. He looks into those wilful eyes and he sees the type he wants his kids to have. He loves her-“

”Oh look, It’s the Gojo family’s youngest… Satoru.” Goosebumps trickled over my body as I was snapped back into reality, Satoru turning his head to see who was talking. 

From a couple meters away, the same man he was warning me about was strolling towards us, and I clutched at the purse I was carrying. As if it wasn’t distracting enough to hear the most powerful love confession I’d received in my life, it wasn’t much better to experience my first family rivalry as well. 

“Toji.” 

“Oh come on Satoru, did no one teach you manners? Where’s the Mr. Fushiguro?” He let out a low, confident laugh and studied my body up and down, making me cross my arms and shuffle behind Satoru.

”And who’s this beauty?” There was a slight graininess to his voice, the low tone enough to make me shudder where I stood in disgust. His wife seemed to be right beside him as well.

Before I could react, he reached his hand out towards me, moving to the side of Satoru where I was practically hiding to have easier access to me.

”Please don’t touch her.” 

I watched his hand slowly extract itself back, and he instead shoved them into his pockets, meeting Satoru’s straight face and stubborn voice with amusement.

”Oh… I see. So this is your sweet little lady?” 

Satoru didn’t seem to say a word and I felt the timer for saving the situation seem to run out so I finally mustered up the courage to speak up, my voice a little harsh.

”I’m his step-sister.” 

The man curled his lip down at me, tilting his head. I glanced at his wife, who seemed to look at me with an expression of disappointment and slight hints of disgust, as if I’d done something.

”So she speaks up.” He confirmed, nodding his head subtly to himself.

”Yeah, but she doesn’t want to speak to you. I would appreciate it if we didn’t have this conversation.” From the change in the way Satoru spoke to the way he snaked his hand behind his back and gripped my wrist, I could tell he was reluctant to explain any further and that a part of him was holding back. 

“Right. Well… I’ll see you around… Y/N was it? She’s really beautiful Satoru. Really filled out. You should stop any guys from getting close as her older brother.”

My heart was beating fast as he said my name, not out of any intense intimate feelings but for the first time because of pure fear. I’d never seen someone have such a menacing tone while talking to me. 

Once he finally left, I wide-eyed Satoru, my eyebrows almost knitting together.

”He knew my name this whole time?” 

“He did. He just wanted to get a reaction out of you, that’s all.” 

“Ugh and the way his wife was looking at me?” 

“It’s because he’s known for picking women a whole bracket younger than he probably should.” 

“Yeah I could bet that. He seems like a real menace.” 

Satoru went silent for a second and I grabbed the side of his arm, massaging circles on it before glancing around to make sure no one saw. 

“You okay, Toru?” The name rolled off my mouth with ease, and I almost cleared my throat at the new term of endearment. 

“I don’t like the way he looked at you. I’d hire a hitman on him for that if I could.” 

“Money isn’t for those purposes.” I let out a small laugh, finding humour behind his jealousy and protectiveness.

”Then I’d use my own two hands. No money involved.” He pulled his hands up to his chest on either side of him, showcasing his palms as if to say it’s fair. 

“Yeah but then you’d be a murderer.”

”For you? I could play the part of anyone.”

”Yeah, yeah.” 

“Oh come on. Don’t act too nonchalant now. What was that, that slipped from you? Toru? Don’t call me anything but that.” He pinched my cheek lightly in between his thumb and index, watching me fight back like a little kid. 

“Stop… everyone’s watching!” 

“Good. Let them know I take care of you.” 

“They already do.” 

“Clearly… not enough.” 

“It’s okay… he didn’t do anything. You shielded me.”

”To be honest, part of holding you was to stop that fist of mine making contact with his face. Your Toru would’ve turned into a headline for the ages.” 

( hey guys, comment down if you have any suggestions of what you would like me to tweak or change, or any criticism or anything you liked that i should continue! )

Chapter Text

The rest of the evening was surprisingly calm as long as I had Satoru beside me. Our parents would glance at us every now and then in a way that made me gulp, it not helping that Satoru couldn’t tear his eyes off of me. 

Had it been any more obvious, the paparazzi would have caught on as well and caused a commotion, putting a permanent end to our rendezvous. 

The air carried the lingering smell of wines and expensive scents, intoxicating enough to make me believe as though I was truly part of them. Otherwise it seemed impossible to experience it.

”You really do look so… elegant.” It took him a while as if all the complimentary words that filled his head up until then didn’t quick meet the mark. 

“Elegant?” 

“Yes.”

”And for a man… you look rather dashing.” The words rolled off my tongue a little unorthodox, as I’d never really used such descriptive posh sounding adjectives before, and out of everyone especially not for Satoru. 

“Is that really what you think?” The low, sultry hints in his tone made me weak at my knees but I had to keep it in, for the sake of keeping his ego at bay and not trying to attract any more attention towards us.

”Your father keeps glancing.” 

( song: that way - tate mcrae ) 

“Let him. I don’t care. We’re just brother and sister, who have bonded deeply. I care about you, I’m protective, I will be weary of every guy around you.” 

“But you know brother and sister don’t look at each other that way.” 

“And you know that I can’t help it. Every second next to you makes me feel like I’m at home.”

”Cause I’m family?” I giggle, rolling my eyes at him and taking another glance at my mother who seemed enamoured by the crowd of journalists seeking her attention. 

“One way or another, yes you are. Be it my future wife or…” 

“Your step-sister.” 

“The title doesn’t change anything about how I feel about you, nor how you feel about me. Plus, it’s sort of nice in a way that we’re secret. No one can meddle between us or try to separate us.” 

“Did you mean it when you said… future wife?” I swallowed down my doubts, and I watched his eyes as they filled with an affection I recognised instantly.

”I mean every letter.” 

I rolled my eyes again, crossing my arms over as he stooped closer to my height, spelling the words out in a teasing manner.

”F-u-t-u-“ I cut him off with a smack to his chest, and we got some glances from around, only able to stand there and awkwardly let out embarrassed noises of stifled laughs, finding humour in the way we acted. 

“You’re the only one I want hitting my chest like that. It’s so cute the way you do it too. You know that? You never use your full strength because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me, but you make it firm enough to not come off as soft.”

I looked down at my fingers as he said the words, shifting the rings on them as I attempted to cool down the heat in my face before my blush seemed to get even more pigmented.

”But I love you as a soft person. I think it makes you worth protecting. And your stubbornness? Makes you worth the underestimating, just to get a kick in the ass after from the most beautiful girl in the world.” 

“Satoru…” The noises of clattering dishes and levelled out gasps mixed with gossip couldn’t help the way my brain filtered it all out, and all of a sudden it was my voice and his.

”Hmm?” I kept my gaze on the ring I kept rotating, that just so happened to be on my ring finger.

”W-will you marry someone e-“ 

“No.” The firmness and confidence in his words set back the fear I had, and it was as if a wave of cool air came over me, the noise settling back in bit by bit as I tried to grasp his level of stubbornness towards having me.

”I would be the most stupid man alive to marry someone else who isn’t you. I’d rather not marry at all.” He said it perfectly fine, with no sense of insecurity lingering in his straightly worded sentences. 

“And you? Would you marry someone el-“

”No. I… I love you.” 

I had to then in that moment watch him hold himself back, his eyebrows almost working to knit together in admiration, his hand coiled into a fist as he internally fought the urge to grab me by my jaw and release the most passionate kiss he could offer. 

“I love you so badly, Y/N. My angel.” 

“Satoru…” 

“Y/N,”

”I want it.” 

“Want what?” He knew. I knew. We both knew exactly what, but the clarification must have been to try and shake himself out of it was a dream. 

“I want you.” 

“Don’t say that now… please.” 

I glanced around at the unsuspecting guests, and then back at my mother and his father who seemed to be clearly occupied with several business owners.

”Satoru…”

”Y/N, don’t…” 

“Don’t what?”

”Look up at me with those pleading, big eyes.” 

“I’m not trying to.”

”I know you’re not… because I see them all the time.”

”You do?”

”I know when you need me. I’ve always known.”

”Then you can tell everything right now, can’t you?”

”Yes. I can.”

I went silent, and we maintained the eye contact, not even the slight drunk-ness of the elders around us enough to intoxicate away how we felt in that moment. 

“How much?” 

“H-huh?”

”How much do you want it, Y/N?”

”I… I want it the most right now.”

”And you’re sure you want it to be with m-“

”Who else? You’re the only one I want.”

Each word was like a siren’s call to him and I could see from the way his head tilted in self-conflict. My reaction was cut off from the suddenness of how he gripped me by my wrist, pulling me along with him all the way out of the hall.

I hiked my dress up with its lower ruffles into my hand to be better at hurrying, and we made our way to the chauffeurs.

”You did as told and got my car here as well right?” He questioned one of the workers, and the subtle nod told me everything I needed to know.

Satoru, you sly boy. 

It was all so fast, my heart begging to jump out of my chest and latch on to him. 

My hands maintained the same squeeze on to him since he first held me, my body wanting nothing more than to be completely connected to his. For once. Just once. 

“You had them get your car here?”

”And you thought I’d go home with all of us in the same car after my girl looking that stunning the entire night? Darling I was ready to give you the best head of your life in my private backseat.” 

“W-where are we going now?”

”A bed, sweetheart. Specifically, my bed. I’m not a monster to have your first time be in such an overwhelming place.” 

Chapter Text

His floor was scattered with my underwear. His chair had the stiff shape of my dress placed on it, crinkled and folded. His desk had my hair accessories mixed up with his messed around items.

The room was filled with the scent of strong cologne and a feminine sweet breeze of a perfume, both of them coming together to form the perfect stage for the masculine and feminine to perform on. His bed. 

Getting into the house was the hard part. He had me pressed up against the front porch until I dragged him inside, his lips so consumed by mine he lost sight of the actual task. 

Before I could complain however, I was thrown over his shoulder. The servants knew we wouldn’t be in for a couple more hours so they all had an early finish. I didn’t know that would come to support my finish. 

“Fuck… Satoru…” His name came out of me in loud, shameless whines as his tongue lapped mercilessly at my folds, his ears seemingly not working to give me a break as he continued, letting me squirm and writhe underneath him.

I couldn’t even interfere, eyes while half lidded still partly open as I defeafedly looked down in the dark at the ribbon he had made tied around both my hands out of his suit tie. My hands held tight on to his hair, although for what sort of tolerance I wasn’t sure? I could feel everything. 

“You have to trust me. I want you on the edge.” Sure enough, he wasn’t bluffing. Each lick seemed closer and closer to sending me tipping over, but the second I made that in any way clear to him, before I knew it his mouth was off of me and he was licking his lips while watching me suffer in agony. The same process would continue over and over, making me the fool. 

“I know baby, I know. But I need you to be in the most pleasured state I can get you to. So that when I’m inside of you, it’s all pleasure after.” 

His finger came to soothe me as I tilted my head back and let out small groans, the tip of it lightly circling my swollen and sensitive clit, stirring up the coil ever so slightly further. It was better than abandoning it, leaving me with a stuck and aching feeling.

”W-why are my hands even bound?” 

He let out a teasing laugh, pulling my wrists forwards towards him and laying kisses on my knuckles before placing them down back on my stomach.

”Oh I’m sorry baby. That’s just to satisfy me.” 

I was about to contest to his ignorance and harmlessly insult him when I had my breath taken away, his head delving back for seconds, working wonders on my womanhood just to keep my words missing out of the way and my lips parted for him. 

He would switch from area to area on my heated mess, licking at each area of the fold and sucking around it in order to make sure he wasn’t over-pleasuring one spot too far. The closer my orgasm, the better and yet the worse.

That’s when he finally sat up. The last high pitched, breathy moan I let out was confirmation enough that he could finally do that which he was waiting for. 

His lip folded as he bit into it, letting out a “Mmm.” of satisfaction at the way I lay before him, my body pleading as it fought the urge to satisfy myself.

His cock was already out since the time we were both spread naked on his bed, but now he was finally paying attention to its twitching and the way it swelled, seemingly begging for some sort of enclosure. It was pointed right at me, length and all, pulsing by the second in an intimidating manner. 

He pumped it hard in his hands like a couple weeks before, tilting my chin down to keep my eyes stuck on to it, observing him. It was as if he was waiting for the slowest glimmer of reluctance, but I tried to hide it well. It was him or no one.

“You sure, right? If you want to back out now, it’s okay sweetheart.” I felt an ache between my legs merely by looking at the sheer abnormal length he carried and managed to hold in one hand, one of the only sufficient justifications for his complete big-headed arrogance.

( song: young and beautiful - lana del ray )

”No… Satoru… I want you.” He tilted his head upwards towards the sky while on his knees in front of me, seemingly looking to the roof as he let out barely audible moans, his pre cum leaking out more and more as I watched it glisten and spread over his tip. 

“Say that again for me.” 

”I… I want you Satoru.” 

“Want who?” 

“You…”

”Who?”

“Satoru…” 

“Again. I need you to sound like you feel.”

”Satoru…” This time, I sounded almost on the verge of crying as I let out the yearning sounds, reaching for him out of the air just for my fingers to lightly graze his abdomen. 

“You want it that bad, huh?” His hand clasped around my reaching wrist, bringing his head down and my arm up to press his lips against the back of my hand with adoration. 

“Yes…” 

“Then… I think it’s time.” He captured my lips as he swooped down, and my legs twitched at the unknown object, the feeling of the tip of his cock brushing against my pussy. It was still sensitive and needing a release from all of the edging he had done with his skilled mouth and held back fingers, and so the feeling of his erect state wasn’t helping much either.

“Fuck…” I let out absentmindedly, every second of his cock making contact with any area in between my legs too much to bear. 

“I know… I know baby.” In a contrasting manner to his sympathetic tone, I could feel how much control he held over his cock, covered over my slit, pushing me further. 

“Then please… Please I want it to happen.” I was begging him to hear me. 

”What do you want to happen, baby?” 

He pulled himself back from me, his hand hooking under my thigh and spreading my legs far apart, his tip tracing circles around my vaginal opening. They were slow and intimate, but as if everything else wasn’t enough, if someone had touched my slit with their finger after the way he teased me with the tip, it would slipped right off. 

“I-I want you to have sex with me.” 

The night couldn’t hide the subtle contortion into a grin that curled up on his face, his hand coming down to my cheek gently.

”Is that so? My sweet girl wants her first time with me?” Each affirmation was making him and me worse than animals by the second and I saw a desire glinting in his eyes that I didn’t recognise from before. This time it was much deeper, as if he was holding himself back from going the entire way before.

”Yes… please..”

”Please what?”

”Please… take my virginity.”

”You want me to take your virginity?”

”Please..”

”Again.”

”Please…” I knew what he wanted. That weak, submissive and stripped away tone. 

He stayed still for a second, his hand reaching up to my cheek as he caressed it lightly, tracing on my lower lip afterwards in an affectionate manner. 

“Sweetheart, hold my hand.” 

I did as told immediately, and he didn’t have to ask me twice. I trusted him with my life and more, and I knew he would never lie to me. 

“It’ll pinch. I want you to squeeze when it does. Once we get it in, I promise you it’ll be pleasure.”

I nodded my head, pressing his hand against the side of my face and nudging my cheek against it, breathing in his skin and comforting scent as he began to push at my entrance. 

“Oh… my sweet girl.”

“It’s okay, you’re okay. I got you. You know that.” He began to push deeper, and there was a slight burning sensation. It was nothing to compare to being able to fit my own two fingers inside of me. This was on a whole other magnitude.

Even when he first put two fingers inside of me, it didn’t stretch out nearly as bad as this. 

I breathed in and out into his palm like it was an oxygen mask, squeezing his finger a little as I let out small wincing noises, holding back in order to not look weak in front of him. 

I didn’t know how the other girls he had ever took the virginity of reacted, and I didn’t want to be the worst. 

“That’s it… you’re doing it.” 

“It’s okay… you’re okay sweetheart.”

”You can take it… you’re my strong girl.” 

He was right, I was. 

He paused while part of the way inside of me, giving me the time to be able to respond.

”Still painful?” His tone was concerned and yet I could swear the slight graininess was telling me how much he was holding back the need to react. 

“A bit… It- It’s so big.”

”I guess it doesn’t help either that you’re so tight. Fuck… princess you fit me like a glove.” 

The term of endearment made me cling harder to his hand, pressing kisses against his palm in an attempt to help me get over the fear. 

“Come here.” He whispered out in a soft tone and as he bent down, I winced further, the sinking feeling of his hard, thick member deepening inside of me only being  contrasted by his then attempts to hug me and hold me in his arms.

”I’m going to move inside of you now, okay?” I nodded my forehead into his shoulder, burying my face into his chest.

The movements were uncomfortable at first, and sure enough like he said, there were times where I didn’t think it was going to get better. 

Then, the pain slowly began to fade away a little. Bit… by bit. 

“You set the pace. You let me know, faster or slower.” I nodded my head at his words, and all of a sudden I could feel the infamous pleasure transition in and begin. He began hitting the right spots, my furrowed brows relaxing and my hands reaching out to press against his abdomen. 

It was like an overwhelming sense of relief every time I looked into his in a paradise seeming face, his eyes focused on me. I began to let out small, stretched out moans, spreading my legs further under him. Our breathing aligned, both of us heavy and needy. But it was a huge milestone, and I could feel the love affection for one another brewing deeper now. 

”T-try faster?”

”Get rid of the try if you’re sure.” 

“Faster?”

”Certain?”

”Faster.” 

He immediately followed my words, upping the pace to the point of infrequent clapping noises being made, the speed and force all building up to provide a never before felt and yet longed for sensation inside of me.

I felt whole, and complete in the most lustful, dirty way possible.

”You doing okay?”

”Fuck… I want more…” He let out a small breath of humour at my words, and it was clear why. I had never said them in such an open way before, with all the added breathlessness and moans. 

“I take it that means you’re okay…”

”Yes… Fuck! Satoru… It feels so good.”

”Pain…?” 

”Not anymore…”

I couldn’t prepare myself for the way he lifted my hips with his strength, angling them so that his cock drove deeper into me, one hand supporting half my body and the other reaching out for my helpless fingers next to my head on my pillow, intertwining with them tight as they collapsed together as a form of support.

”I told you, I got you.” 

Each burrow in and out was intoxicating, and I found myself addicted by the feeling of something so thick and pressed against the walls of my folds. He was right about what he said. I would feel deathly empty after this.

”You’re quiet… just moaning under me. It’s as if you’re too pleasured to talk.” He mocked in a harmless manner, although every time I looked up at his face, I could see some sort of strain. It wasn’t typical in Satoru’s nature to hold back or not speak his mind. 

“W-what about you? Y-you’re not like… saying much either… Is it not good eno-“ 

“Fuck Y/N, if I said too much about how your walls are gripping around me right now like a universe sent remedy, I think I’d seriously come inside of you like a coward… and I know you don’t want kids at 17.” 

“But if you really want me to describe… you’ve given sex for me a whole new definition. The way I’m watching your pussy take in my cock, your lips so parted and kissable… the way you’re moving up and down on this bed… I’ve never had to strain my cum shooting out of me this much for a woman. I’ve never needed to witness a woman’s orgasm as much as I want you to come first.”

His hand snaked down to my forgotten clit and the coupled sensation was almost too much to bear, my coil building up at an unbelievably fast rate as he placed pressure and rubbed hard, his member still driving into me in that constant pace. 

“F-fuck…”

“Yeah, Y/N… use your big girl words.”

”S-satoru… I’m going to…”

”Come on baby, say those words.” 

”S-satoru… I need to… Oh fuck! I need to come!” 

My walls squeezed hard around his member, and it was painful feeling how his cock slipped out of me with force, my eyes opening to see him fucking into his hand on top of me, head tilted down with his hair laying flat to cover his eyes, liquid spraying at my chest and stomach. 

His abs twitched, each moment bringing him closer to me as he let his orgasm go. 

“Fuck… I’m sorry baby, I forgot to use a condom. That’s like rule number one. Good thing I had the pull out skills, right?” He laughed against my upper chest, his now not erect cock pressed against my sensitive folds as my legs twitched.

”Left a whole painting on you.” He realised, rolling to the side and looking down at me. He grabbed a wipe from his bedside drawer and admired me for a second, pressing several kisses to my forehead while he could before gently wiping away the marks on my body. 

Once he reached my legs, he looked up at my face in concern, eyes darting back down to his cock. His slender, tall figure bent down in the dark, shifting to get a better look at me. 

”You bled a little at the end there. It doesn’t hurt, does it?”

I lightly extended my foot out until it fell against his chest, barely able to move the rest of my body after an overwhelming wash of exhaustion, his hand wrapping around my ankle and catching it, a small smile appearing on him as he became attentive to me.

”You just gave me the best feeling I’ve ever experienced… and you’re worried because I bled a little?” I said in surprise, looking up at the man who just took away my innocence. 

“Hey… I don’t care if I make you feel higher than the sky. If I see you bruised up or bleeding, I will always place that first over anything.” He meant the words as he said them, pressing several warm kisses to my ankle before keeping my legs spread out, lightly cleaning up where the blood presumably would’ve been. 

Chapter Text

The night moon glowed, it’s shine reaching through the exposed crevices of Satoru’s windows and landing with a reflection on the foot of the bed, where our legs remained intertwined. 

He was surprisingly quiet, which was safe to say bewildering, especially coming from someone so talkative. His one hand was gripped tight around my waist, massaging into the muscles there as his other was placed deep into my hair, travelling up and down my scalp.

His eyes were locked on to my features and I let them be, unable to pull him away from the moment myself. I too couldn’t dare to look past him, his blue eyes all of a sudden looking deeper than home. It was a dream.

”I’d take the stars for you.” 

“Is that so?” I challenge, our voices quiet into the night as we laid there, our bodies naturally finding each other to hold. 

“Hey… don’t use that tone. You know I’d take everything for you, and place it in your palm.” 

“Well… you definitely took something tonight.” 

“Oh is that right?”

”Is it not?”

”But you loved it, didn’t you?” A blush crept up on to my face and I pulled the covers over me, all the way up to my cheeks in a mild attempt to not let him see.

”I just would like you to know that any attempt you make now to shy away from me would be in vain. I have just seen you in your most vulnerable state, you know?” 

“Shush… I want to sleep.”

He paused as I said that, searching around us at the piles of clothes and on top of the tousled covers until finally, he grabbed and opened up his phone.

”They come back in a couple hours… Y/N, put your head down on the pillow for me.”

I blinked up at him, watching with warmth as he grabbed the covers and wrapped them tighter around me, getting inside of them and locking me in with his limbs as if not giving me the chance to escape.

“I set an alarm for an hour before they come back. In that time, I’ll carry you to your room and put you in the bed. But for now? We can be the couple you want us to be.”

His finger slipped down to my lip, caressing it lightly and staring into them, his face relaxed and calm.

“I never thought I’d see the day.”

“What day?”

“Me in your bed… and us about to fall asleep together. After… doing things.”

I had a billion thoughts racing in my mind, my eyes focused on Satoru’s face, but the sheer peace in his eyes told me he had only one on his.

“Satoru…”

”Yes, Y/N.” 

“I like it when we’re alone… and no one is around.” 

He hesitated, thinking before responding.

“It would be a lie to say I like it too.” 

“Why?” I quickly inquired.

”Because I love it. Any moment with you has never been just something to like. I want to love you every second of the day.” 

He knew all the things to say to get my circulatory system pumping, constantly keeping the blood rushing around to my cheeks and my heart. 

It was a funny thought, that this was the same man I thought I would come to detest. I did, perhaps at one point. But I fell in love with him just as quick. 

Each silent, hidden and yet powerful encounter we had attributed to the feeling we felt for each other that only we could know. 

Our secret, invisible to ever being explored by anyone else. 

“Are you not… disappointed by the fact that I’m 17? Surely girls your age are more-“ 

His finger came down quick on my lips, closing them shut together as he straightened his stare. 

“Don’t insult yourself in front of me, or dare to lower yourself. You are the only woman for me. Even if a crowd of them my age came rushing towards me…” A smirk slowly creeped up on him, the laughter behind his tone urging to come out as he released some more words.

”I would grab you by your hand, fling you over my shoulder and I’d run.”

”Truth is Y/N, I don’t give two fucks about considering another woman. Plus, you’d just be ingrained in my mind like a woven patch in my brain, no matter what I did.” 

I shuffled into him, pressing my body against his as I wrapped my arms around his waist, hugging him tight.

”You want to cuddle with me now? Oh okay… Should’ve said so.” I let out a muffled giggle as he threw the covers over us, grabbing me tight and rolling over so I was on top of him, holding tight as he could on to every part of me. 

I loved this man, more than anything. 

( warning. if you like happy, non toxic endings, stick to finishing the fanfic here. i will not push you to walk on any further. if you want to see a bond make it out of fire and hell… push forward soldier. buckle up as well. the plot only thickens now. )

Chapter Text

[ 2 years later ] 

The clock ticked mockingly in the corner of my bedroom, my body weighed down on to the mattress as I succumbed to a weakened state, the desire to hurl growing every second as his father’s words rang in my ear.

”We are going to a special gathering tomorrow. It’ll be a pleasant time and the entire Gojo family will be there.” 

Dread filled me, my heart wanting nothing more than to numb at the sound of his surname. 

Not only had my mother not warned me that we would be plunged into the public eye once again, but she certainly didn’t seem to care how I felt about it. 

Her face was riddled with joy, her smile of white teeth beaming in the interview as I watched.

I skipped forward the video, landing on a subtitle that read out my name.

”And the youngest? Y/N? She hasn’t come today.” 

They glanced at each other and the seconds they spent told me all I needed to know. I was a pit in their stomachs that they had to explain over and over again.

”She has studies occupying her currently.” 

Clearly not well enough to attend an entire party the next day. Their lies were as see through as a window, and anyone could tell peering inside of them that there was a reason beneath the surface. 

My shallow dive into waters of discomfort was interrupted by a knock on my door and I looked up with reluctance. 

Yuuta came in, and I mustered up a small smile on my face, rising up from the soft fluff of my blanket to greet him, his arms open for a hug. 

I accepted it with a tight squeeze, watching as he dropped down a bag containing delivered food on to my bedside table, choosing to slip into the bed beside me. 

“So, what are you up to now?” He inquired, his head supported by my shoulder as he leaned in, chest pressing against my back and his hand wrapped tight around my waist.

”They did another interview so… I guess I was looking for some heads ups.” 

Yuuta let out a small breath of satisfaction at my sarcastic comedy, rocking back and forth with me in his arms as he reached over for my phone, watching the video alongside me. 

“I can come too, right? Your mother likes me.” He said the words with pride, and I showed off my teeth in a smile, reacting to his wholesomeness. 

Yuuta did his best.

”Of course you can come. If not you, who else?” I gulped, eyes dropping down to my hands as I fidgeted with them, pretending as though I saw some dirt in them. 

“Say… why do you look so glum?” 

Without any warning, I couldn’t react as he pinned me down to the bed, reaching for my stomach and tickling the spots he learned would make me feel the most sensitive. 

Laughs came out of me in ways I couldn’t prevent, thoughts that lingered disappearing for moments out of my mind as I reached for him, trying to attack back so I didn’t die of a funny feeling. 

“Stop- Stop! Yuuta!” I fought with passion, removing his hands off of me and letting the giggles die down, both of us lying by each other, catching our breaths in the silence.

”What… what are you even wearing?” He breathed out midst us calming down, and I looked to my ceiling as I tried to think of a dress that would be suitable.

”Blue…?”

”Perfect!” He let out in satisfaction, grabbing my hand from the bed and pulling it to his lips, offering a sweet peck. 

“Now I can finally match with my girlfriend.” 

I tilted my head on the mattress to glance over at him, his eyes locked on to me and showcasing pure affection. 

My phone vibrated beside me and I had no time to be thinking about things, grabbing it and pulling it up to my face as Yuuta looked away for the sake of privacy, pulling his phone out and searching for the game he always plays around me.

I gulped down a feeling, staring at the text on my phone.

Mum: 

“You are to present yourself well.” 

Chapter Text

The dress was loose on me. I’d lost some weight in the past few years and although subtle, it was enough to make me go down in an entire size. I zipped it up regardless, grabbing a spare corset from my closet and trying it on. 

Yuuta knocked on the door, and I waited till my clothes were fully on before calling out for him to come inside. His hands instinctively came to support me as I stood in the mirror, trying desperately to tie a knot into the back of it. He cinched it in as tight as I had asked for, showing a little doubt as he kept replying with “Are you sure?” but I prompted him to go further. 

A simple analysis of the suit he put on made him blush under my eyes, doubting himself as he asked me several questions.

”You sure I look good for tonight?” 

I nodded my head, reaching up with hesitance to pull him close by his collar, my hands winding gently into the ribbon around his neck, fixing his crooked tie. 

“Charming.” 

He stepped back from me, hands resting on my hips as he flashed me a warm smile, his hand on my chin as he tilted my head up to look at him.

”You have the most beautiful smile. You should show it off more.” 

My mother’s words echoed in my head as I stood there in that moment, taunting me mixed with Yuuta’s simple and authentic affection. 

“Of course.” I complied, my lips twitching a little in reluctance before I had managed to muster up a full teeth grin that could trick anyone. 

All the expressions I had ever gave Yuuta were almost entirely smoothly transitioned or controlled by my thinking, but I had never had the heart to let him see it in me. He loved me. He took care of me. 

“Should we go now?” He gestured towards my bedroom door, the slit open as I could hear the maids shuffling around on the request of my mother, most likely searching for something she was missing. 

“Yeah, we might as well.”

The drive there was long, and in it I opened the window in the backseat of the car, Yuuta’s hand gliding across to mine as he held it, able to tell that I must’ve been feeling a little anxious. 

“It’s okay to feel a way. It’s a large crowd.” He quietly spoke to me, capturing my attention. 

My stomach sunk a little as I caught my mother’s eye contact in the front mirror, glancing at me. Then I caught sight of my own eyes, and the reluctance to go anywhere was so obvious. 

“You okay sweetheart?” The words didn’t come out phrased more like a question but an order, to compose myself before we reached there. 

She said paparazzi were like sirens. They contorted what they saw and the public would believe every second of it, drawing closer and closer to the rumours, no matter how fake they proved to be. 

“I’m fine.” I lied, squeezing Yuuta’s palm. He knew of my mother’s nature, slowly becoming consumed by stardom, or so the riches. Each day, she became closer and closer to them. And further from me.

He wrapped his arm tight around my shoulder, and the warmth transferred, offering me something to stoke the left over smoke inside of my heart.

I had no passion for these events, nor to be known by the public any longer. After two years, I was sick of all of the rumours. People spread my name faster than I could respond, saying horrible things like “Y/N cheats around.” “Would you look at that? The Gojo family’s prized daughter has lost weight!” “There she stands outside a clinic. She isn’t being taken care of.”

The fake sympathy they showed ended up worsening my situations and forcing me to play a character I didn’t want to portray, making me out to be a stone vessel that couldn’t feel. 

I didn’t show up for the interviews anymore, and I didn’t go out often into public. The only kind of recognition I did accept however was those offered politely from younger girls who had looked up to me, from articles that painted me as having the dream girl’s life.

”A real barbie. All the money in the world and only 19.”

19. That’s how old I was now. I could still remember 17 like the back of my hand, and it was sour to think of how the sweet, childish characteristics I had slipped out of my hand, down the drain over the past two years. I wasn’t a curious teenager anymore. I was an informed adult, and it was time to make some serious decisions in my life about what kind of person I wanted to portray myself as.

Yuuta stepped out of the car first, facing forward while a slit between him and the car was left, blinding me with light as I attempted to slip out with my dress. I stumbled a little, caught by him in seconds as I offered him a clumsy laugh, holding on to him tight as he closed the car door behind me and we began to move.

My mother was used to the flash now. Sometimes, she would stick around for longer, even so longer than my step-father would. 

Sometimes, he would do this gesture where he tapped the back of her elbow as they held each other, signifying for her to get a move on. Discrete to the public, and yet all she had needed to hear when in the view of everyone. 

The venue was large, and Yuuta let out little gasps as we ventured into it, several workers coming to grab our coats and purses, storing them into golden boxes marked with our own names that would be gone, not to be seen for the entirety of the night now.

I felt naked, the dress attached to me like nothing else, especially with the way I had tightened the corset. My breasts were also fighting to slip out, and I had to turn and push them down a little. 

“If you need my suit jacket at any point, you let me know, okay?” Yuuta offered, his hand slipping into my own as we stood there isolated from my mother and step father. All we did at these events was play pretty and stand there, talking about the things we would do after we left. 

Those mainly consisted of heading back to mine and watching a show on my bedroom TV. 

Yuuta was an incredibly comforting companion to have, and so kind-hearted.

We dissipated further into the crowd, walking at a slower speed to everyone else so as to not get lost between them all and zipped into conversations we didn’t want to have. We were even keeping an eye out on who to avoid, all until one stare fell on us.

It wasn’t long before a hand grasped my shoulder, and startled I flinched and turned around, making Yuuta look with me as well towards the sudden jump scare.

Toji Fushiguro laughed in my face, playing it off as a harmless prank, and I worked up a slightly discomforted smile as we stood there, waiting for him to say something.

Over the years, he had started to collaborate with the Gojo enterprises, and there was nothing much I could do than be a team player. I had to like who they liked.

”Oh you look so beautiful tonight. Don’t you?” His wife however, was nowhere to be seen for once, and in my head I let out an ‘Oh.’ wondering what had happened. 

“Oh my apologies, let me address your boyfriend. You both look so amazing together.” 

The way he ogled me up and down, barely paying any sort of glance to Yuuta made me curse him for being a pervert in my head, but it was okay anyways because very quickly Yuuta changed the topic. 

“Mr Fushiguro. I heard you have launched a brand? Phones?” 

I gulped when his eyes finally stopped peering into me, my heart being given some time to stop before it activated into fight or flight mode. 

“See Y/N? A man of culture.” I laughed, and this time I had partly meant it. Yuuta was a man of culture. A very good person indeed. 

“Yes. I have launched a new brand. Your father is actually one of the investors towards it as well, so do pay him my due diligence. I do have to say, I wish the best for you both.” 

Again, his eyes ventured back to my curves and the way my fingers twitched, holding them together to prevent the urge to want to smack him with my palm right on his cheek.

”Thank you.” I had to pry open my jaw to prevent the words wanting to come out in gritted teeth, my mother’s words once again echoing into my mind.

‘Present yourself well.’

Chapter Text

The night was only getting darker, and Yuuta left me on a barstool as he went to the toilet, asking me to keep my phone with me in case I needed him to come back quickly. 

I sat there, stomach churning before I decided to turn in the chair, facing the barman who looked at me with a slight smirk.

”You have anxiety.” He stated, and I scoffed, the look of disbelief on my face slowly fading away as I just glanced at him with disappointment.

”It’s that visible?”

”No, not really. But no one sits glued to a barstool and doesn’t move for 3 whole minutes. You haven’t checked your phone or anything.” 

I let out a small, genuine smile at his words. The nature by which he was able to guess me in seconds was something that I had only known long ago, a fantasy as opposed to my reality now. 

“Here. On the house.” He slipped a wine glass in front of me and I pulled the bubbling liquid up to my eyes, glaring into it.

”You haven’t poisoned it, have you?” I asked in pretend concern, my humour getting the best of me in that moment.

”With all respect madam, if I ever thought of doing that, my job would not be mine.” He had a fair point, and I apologised, giggling off his comedic tone.

”Hey, don’t be sorry. I got to make a pretty lady smile.” 

( song: anxiety - doechii )

I went silent, his compliment echoing in my head, leading me to take small sips of the alcohol in front. 

“So, that guy. He the one?”

I hesitated, the breath taken from my lips as I thought deeply. I nodded my head, taking another deeper sip. I wished I could stay with this barman the entire night, and maybe then the anxiety deep inside of my lungs would stop infecting me. 

“Yes.”

”No he isn’t.” He immediately responded, and my smile slipped from my face, making him reconsider what he said.

”I-I’m sorry. That was really inconsiderate of me.” He was about to turn away in embarrassment to wash a couple of dirty glasses when I stopped him, speaking up.

”What makes you say that?”

There was a silence between us, as if because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings or didn’t want to know if he was right. 

“Well… The hesitation. You drank down your alcohol right after, as if you were trying to settle the doubt down in your stomach. You seem anchored to his presence but… not safe. And… you have no ring on.” 

I glanced down at my fingers and cursed to myself. He was right. I completely forgot about finger jewellery. 

“The ring was a sort of forgetful thing.” I excused. 

The silence formed again and he nodded his head softly, turning yet again away from me.

”But… you were right.” He paused in his steps, walking towards the dirty glasses. I didn’t expect what he would do next. He reached out for them and grabbed them all, bringing them to the counter in front of me.

”I’m intrigued. Go on.”

I gulped, wondering how much the alcohol was going to make me spill. Whatever he used acted like a truth serum, making me feel he was trustworthy and able to talk to. In a sense, he was.

”We kissed and… before you knew it we were dating. But… I liked someone before him.”

”Liked or loved?” I glanced down at the glass in his hand, shining spotless with the way he was cleaning it. I wanted to shine spotless like that too. Maybe if he noticed all my blemishes after I pointed them out, I could also glisten.

”I did love. At a time. But he… picked arrogance and ego over me. It was in his nature I assume, after all it runs in his family. I was just sort of… painted a dream to think it wasn’t.” 

He began to pity me in words of Italian, pouring me another drink. 

By the end of our conversation, in which I spilled about what had happened, it had just turned out to be a total of merely 6 minutes before Yuuta came out, complaining that there was a long line hence why he couldn’t have just zipped in and out. 

I told him it was no worry and he extended his arm out, letting me latch on to it.

I glanced back one final time at the barman and he offered me a half smile, and the pity was so clear in his eyes it reflected in my soul. 

He was the first person I had told about… him. Even if it was so unexpected. 

Yuuta looked on in excitement, and I didn’t process his facial expressions at first, until I finally laid eyes on my step father. 

He grabbed a champagne glass from a table beside him, and a spoon, clinking them together until it echoed across the hall. 

Eventually there was silence, and with it all I could hear was the blood pumping viciously in my heart. My eyes filtered out the room, only a couple eyes on me. None worth noting. 

Yuuta squeezed my hand and goosebumps trickled up my arm, spreading to my open back which received all of the night air. 

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Although my friend has hosted this party, I’m sure you have heard of our expansion in Gojo enterprises, with all of its beautiful works. With this, I felt it selfish to sit here and not announce that the current leader of Gojo Enterprises has also asked for a very special person to come back from abroad.”

I felt my legs weaken, my breathing becoming more heavy without my control, all hidden deep under the tight hold of the corset. 

“The future leader of Gojo Enterprises. Here he is. My pride… and my joy. Satoru Gojo.” 

Cheers and laughter echoed around me, but it felt like I had been submerged deep under water, no way to get out. 

Everyone looked to me like vultures for my reaction, the darling daughter’s brother finally back. I cursed myself in my head at the drop in my smile from the announcement, forcing myself to bring up my hands to clap like everyone else, the most faux smile plastering my face. 

Then, I felt what made my lungs constrict years ago. My eyes followed him as he stepped forward from the dark, a spotlight shining on him alongside a mic in his hand. 

And there she was. His sweet girlfriend. Stood beside him like the centre of the show. 

“Hey, Tokyo. It’s good to be back. I’m going to offer you all I have.” He sounded excited, and different. 

My heart collapsed and Yuuta turned to me, whispering deep into my ear. 

“You okay, Y/N?” How could I tell him? He didn’t know anything. 

Then, I felt like someone had shot me. From about 20 meters in front of me, surrounded by a crowd, his blue eyes met mine for single seconds, his expression straight faced before he moved on. 

Like a blade, he cut me down. Like I was nothing. 

I stood around for merely 20 seconds, watching with disbelief as the slender lady beside him clung on. I used to cling on like that. He didn’t glance a single time at me, his eyes fixated on asking all of the reporters questions and acting like I wasn’t stood right there. He hadn’t even seen me in 2 whole years. More than 730 days. 17,520 hours. 1,051,200 minutes. 

My lips began shaking a little, and before the urge to cry like an idiotic child could spread any further, I told my heart to shut up and be quiet. 

I pulled Yuuta closer to me, whispering into his ear. Out of concern he held my hand as it latched on to him, coming down close to hear me better.

”Yuuta. I don’t feel so well. I drank a lot.” He nodded his head, his hand instinctively coming to wrap around my waist, keeping me at least further supported while I stood there, on the verge of crumbling. 

Satoru finally glanced over again, his eyes fixated for merely seconds more on Yuuta’s grip on me, before a smile was seen on him again. 

Yuuta pulled me along with him, away from the crowd as we slipped out of sight, his response to multiple reporters being that I had needed to use the restroom. 

“She’s just- she hasn’t used the toilet today.” He would barge through them, keeping me close behind him until we found a private corner. It was dark, and all I could do was let it out. 

When the first set of tears came out, he pressed me firm against his chest, squashing me into it so hard that I could feel my makeup transfer onto his shirt. He didn’t care though. He wanted to hide me, and keep me safe in private. 

“Is it because of that fight you had with him? Before he left?” 

I nodded my head, not speaking on the matter any further. Yuuta just thought it was a petty fight dragged far over the years, when really it was so much more.

”It’s okay Y/N. He was being a jerk anyways, not even saying hi to you.” 

I didn’t speak a word, knowing that if I decided to talk my truth, I would’ve told Yuuta I was thankful I had no interaction with Satoru, otherwise I would’ve genuinely broken down.

I gripped him tight, noises of whimpers and cries pouring out of me and facing into his chest. 

The silence was only worsening how I felt. I could hear noises of laughter and gasps echoing around the room as he pitched yet another business scheme, much like the ones I had seen all over his public social media. 

We still followed each other, for the sake of publicity. But it would be hell before we let even a glance of each other be known. 

The tears wouldn’t stop flowing, Yuuta sat on the floor besides me with a hand holding my own, caressing the back of my palm in sympathy.

“It’s okay, I know. It’ll be over soon. Just… when the crowd begins to scatter around, we’ll disappear amongst them.” 

I agreed, resting my head deep against his shoulder, pressing a kiss to it. 

“It’s okay. It’s hard to be ignored by someone who’s family.”

”It is.” I winced out, sounding like a wounded animal.

”The moment he’s done delivering his speech, you and I will be out of here. You can cry in my arms all night, Y/N. And your mum won’t even know.” He let out a small laugh at the last words, making me smile against his suit, giggling as he looked down and prompted me for another one of my grins.

”Ahh, there we go. My pretty girlfriend.” Tears blurred my vision at his words, feeling like a traitor but knowing I needed them at the same time. 

Like promised, Yuuta whisked me up and cleared my face with his hands, taking off his suit jacket covered in makeup and holding it, guiding me out with him. 

My steps were a little clumsy, stumbling every now and then from the amount of alcohol I took down in that one conversation. It was rare for me to actually drink, considering I didn’t even come out of the house that often.

”It’s okay. I’m here.” He comforted, pulling me closer behind him as the paparazzi stayed distracted, cameras flashing mercilessly at the future CEO who stood there.

I glanced back once, and our eyes met again, his trailing me as I slipped behind a hallway door, the last thing he saw being Yuuta’s grip on my wrist. 

I cried. For an hour. Yuuta didn’t get tired of me once, letting me hug him the entire time in his lap while he rocked gently back and forth, holding me.

When my parents finally came back home, he held his hand over my mouth, letting me cry but in silence. He knew my mother’s temper to an extent, and he didn’t want me to face the worst of it.

”Yuuta! Are you in there with her?” My bedroom door had a lock on it installed as soon as they found out about Yuuta being my boyfriend, and now that my door was locked they thought they had unlocked privacy for us. 

“Y-yeah! She’s… sleeping.” In the midst of my final tears, I couldn’t help the way I let out a small giggle against his chest, to replace even a minimal amount of the hurt I felt.

”Nice to know my dogshit ability to lie has made you smile. I’ll do it more often then. N-Not to you-“ I cut him off with a tight hold, speaking muffled against his chest.

”You know you mean a lot to me right?” I breathed out into his shirt, the same one he wore before changing at my house. 

That night, Yuuta slept over. He held me in the bed and I let him, and although none of it was sexual, it was the most love from someone else I had felt in a while. 

Chapter Text

The next morning Yuuta and I woke up somehow sleeping separately, on either side of my bed. 

He placed a single kiss on my cheek before I came to hear noises of a jean belt clattering on the floor, and before I knew it he was in his clothes. 

He sat by the bed for a bit like a real gentleman, waiting for me to fully wake up before offering me a final hug. 

I dropped him off a short way, to my bedroom door before opening it up. 

“Just… ignore him, okay?” He advised me, slipping through the crack of the door that I let him through. 

Feeling bad, I also slipped through in my shorts and vest, calling him back by his name.

He gave me an authentic grin, looking at me like I was some blessing.

”Thank you. You mean a lot.” 

I flinched, stepping back as Satoru’s door opened. He came out of it nonchalantly, slipping past us with the most straight face I had ever seen him with. I scoffed to myself after Yuuta turned away, walking off. Where the fuck did he find the confidence? 

I immediately turned back around and shut my door with a force, not coming out willingly until hours later.

”Oh Satoru, the family has missed you so much.” My mother darlingly called out as he entered the kitchen. Suddenly, my cereal wasn’t worth even the bite anymore, my jaw feeling weak at the knowledge that he was in such close proximity. 

“Thanks.” His voice rippled into my ears and I couldn’t handle it, the sound replaying over and over in my head. 

Did she know what his comforting sounded like? His compliments? His praising? His advice?

I didn’t even realise as my spoon dropped out of my hand and back into the cereal bowl, my cornflakes looking like an unappealing mix. 

The screech of my chair pulled the attention of my mother and it felt like spiders littered my body, my mind seeking for an excuse.

”I- I already ate. Earlier this morning.” 

She nodded her head at me with her suspicions, allowing me to exit the room. 

Slipping out of that chair and walking past him while he stood at the fridge, centimetres away with the same addictive cologne was a test like those set up in the military.

All I wanted to do was grab him by his collar and shake him back and forth, setting all my rage on him. And the other half of me wanted him to cradle me again in his arms. 

Regardless, I acted like it was nothing. 

“Oh and Satoru, how’s your girlfriend?” 

I wanted to clasp my hand over my mother’s mouth, rather than to listen to another single heartbreaking word.

”Oh. Yeah, Minnie’s great.”

A fucking nickname? You’re so original Satoru. 

I spent the rest of the day out from the house, unwilling to remain anywhere he was. I detested him for being the person he was. 21 and yet unable to even admit the faults he had in what happened. 

I couldn’t stand there with him knowing all that had transpired between us. 

I spent hours just walking along the acres of land they owned, stopping myself from spiralling out like an immature 17 year old. The grass was clean cut and I walked over it, my footprints leaving small marks on the floor. 

His image was burnt into my mind. Each flash of whenever he would look at me playing in my head over and over again like a nonstop carousel. His voice. His laugh. The way she held him. 

All the love I felt for him burned deep inside of me, and I begged to God that something would eradicate it and leave me in peace. It hurt too much to know that someone was receiving the same treatment that I did from him.

I sunk down on to the grassy floor, a bit over dramatic on my part, but nothing was minimal when it concerned the same man I lost my innocence to disappearing on me, leaving to go to another country for 2 whole years. He didn’t even tell me on the day.

I had to find out he was gone from my mother.

My eyes began to tear up again and blur out my vision, threatening to leave me yet again a sobbing mess. I didn’t even have Yuuta this time, all alone in the middle of a closed off forest type scene.

All I could see to tell me where I was, was a pole they implanted leading towards the direction of the house. 

From there, I watched in agony of my own mind as day turned to midday. Midday turned to evening. Evening switched to night. 

Then, my phone flickered on besides me, the music I put on pausing.

Yuta:

”I’m at your house.”

I rushed up like never before seen, brushing the dirt off of my coat and I ran, all the way back.

The last thing I needed was for my mother to harass Yuta without me being present, God forbid she say anything out of her abilities. 

It took me a while but before I knew it, my legs were aching and I was catching my breath on the front porch, hand to heart as I waited for everything to calm down. 

My face was completely straight as I stepped inside, my brain internally malfunctioning as I processed the sight in front of me, Yuuta sat on one end of the sofa… and Satoru opposite him.

He glanced back at me as the door shut, Satoru’s eyes still glued to the television. 

Before he could even question me about anything, I hurried up to him, grabbing him by the wrist and gently pulling him along with me.

He followed, and we reached the top of the stairs, my heart slamming out of my chest. 

‘Did he tell Yuuta?’ I thought.

’Does Yuuta hate me?” 

My bedroom door was shut in seconds, Yuuta looking at me with widened eyes that were unexpecting of my behaviour. 

“W-what’s wrong?” 

“What did he say?” I blurted out, looking up at him with deep intensity. 

“Oh… Satoru?” 

I nodded my head, and his hand came down to my neck, caressing it in some form of way to comfort me.

”It’s okay. Nothing bad about you. In fact, he didn’t really seem to mention you at all.”

I didn’t know whether to leap up in relief or break down again at those words, but in the midst of my emotional turmoil I trudged on. 

“Then…? What could he possibly want sitting in front of you like some jerk when he’s not even talking to me?” 

There was clear venom in my voice towards him and his behaviour, but Yuuta excused it, knowing what I had been through.

”He… asked me questions about me. Like… Do I smoke, drink, vape? Have I had… sex before?” He blushed for a second, turning away from me and I have to admit it was trippy to hear Yuuta say those words for the first time.

”Have I cheated? Do I coerce girls… into things? And a whole bunch of-“ I cut him off, my finger on his lip.

”It’s okay. Clearly he’s disgusting and doesn’t know what a good man’s character is like.” 

Yuuta had finally left after a couple hours of us hanging out, all on my mind was the idea that Satoru could disrespect him in such a manner to ask so many deeply personal questions.

I was walking back up the stairs from greeting him goodbye, rage igniting inside of me until finally I looked up, the frown on my face slowly fading as I saw up the stairs a face looking down at mine.

He was ready to ignore me again, taking steps down until we met halfway. 

I grabbed his wrist by habit, immediately releasing it out of my grip, stepping back and closing my hand into a fist.

He waited, not going as he stood there, listening. 

“You had no right to ask my boyfriend such disrespectful questions.” 

He let out a small laugh, eyes focused on the floor as his hands slipped into his pockets, and I could hear his neck crack as he tilted his head, facing away from me and down the stairs. 

“Your boyfriend isn’t anything special. I ask everyone those kinds of questions,”

”Not my boyfriend.” 

“I don’t give a fuck what you want.” The words pierced into my heart as they came, jamming deep into my core. There was no remorse or guilt that followed after, just his gaze turning further away from me as if in disgust. 

”Oh fuck you Satoru. You’re the worst fucking person I’ve met. I wish I never did. I hate you.” With that, I turned on my heel and tears formed in my eyes, running up the stairs with my bare feet, no sound of him chasing after me heard. I sniffled when I reached my room, the force I used to open the door causing it to slam against the side. 

Gutted wasn’t a good enough word to explain how I felt, crying deep into my pillow with the door locked and muffled noises. He was so harsh, and every single slip of care for me dripped out of his tone.

So I guess fucking Minnie was the cure to never thinking about me again. So much for promises one can’t keep. 

Chapter Text

It was war from that day on. He didn’t care? Who did? I didn’t. Everytime I slipped out of my room, even if he was meters away from me I didn’t even look up, finding it easier to pretend to not see him after the hurtful words that spewed out of him to me. 

Even in the kitchen where he was, for the first time I was forcing food down my throat. It would get down there, and he would see he was nothing to me. That he did nothing. 

The television would be on and I’d be watching in the morning, going on to study my notes in the evening. My mother, step father and Satoru had not seen me much around the house other than that, either because I was outside with friends or Yuuta, or in my room alone. 

The place beyond the acres became my comfort spot, and sometimes I would take my backpack and go all the way back out there again, taking a deep breath of nature and sitting down to for once have my heart beat lower than usual. 

Two days after my interaction with Satoru, I was in the kitchen eating toast, my jaw still weak as he sit merely meters away from me on the counter, having an entire conversation with my mother. 

It all felt like betrayal, over and over again. Only this time he didn’t know one of the reasons why. 

My phone pinged and I grabbed it, letting out a small laugh at the text I received.

Yuuta:

If you were a day of the week, you’d be my saturdays. 

There were moments of time where Yuuta felt a little quirky, but it added to the comedic joy he gave me for all that he said. He was like a non stop laugh sometimes, really distracting me from the rest of my life.

”Must be Yuuta, right?” My mother asked. I placed my phone down on the table beside me, my smile slowly slipping as I nodded, taking another bite out of my toast.

”Can’t wait for the day you two get married.” My toast was stiff, and dry. No amount of butter on it however could stop the way my throat turned into a desert at the thought of marriage with Yuuta.

I heard a shuffle behind me, Satoru seemingly getting off and coming closer to wash his bowl in the sink. 

“He got you roses again.” My eyes widened, looking up at her in utter confusion. Yuuta had never told me, or hinted towards anything.

”Your favourite, lilacs.” I swallowed. They weren’t exactly my favourite, but it was the thought behind it that counted. I straightened my back, putting the rest of my toast down on to my plate. 

“W-when was this?” My voice was more surprised than it was affectionate, and I stood up completely abandoning my food as I searched around. My mother would usually put them in a vase in hot kitchen when they came as a reminder of my bond with Yuuta, but now I didn’t see them.

“Oh my bad darling, he’s saving it till Valentine’s day.” I cursed under my breath, realisation hitting me like a brick. The clattering of dishes still signified Satoru was there and so I kept it to myself, nodding understandingly at my mother.

”Right… I should get to work.” 

I slipped out of the kitchen and up the stairs, on my phone for an hour after that creating a whole Amazon shopping bucket. It was a good thing one day delivery was available, otherwise I would’ve been the wordy girlfriend for life. 

I didn’t have much commitment towards couple related days or even days such as my own birthday.

I put my hair up in a bun, something I normally never do for my complete hatred of how heavy it it and how much it hurts, but the moment called for it.

I finally bought everything, including chocolate, roses and a personalised photo of both of us together smiling. 

I’d never really been a good girlfriend towards Yuuta in the first place, and sometimes I’d sit up in complete confusion of why he still dates me, but then I remembered most of his life is dedicated now to being a workaholic, and so the lack of attention I gave him was ideal because he only needed an hour or so a day. 

Yuuta on the other hand was a fantastic boyfriend. He was protective to an extent, understood how I was feeling better than a lot of people and would constantly buy me small and large things that he thought I wanted, despite knowing that I was now funded with the money to be able to buy any of that.

He was also to me now the closest person I had. Hana was a close second, still carrying on strong with me as my best friend and she helped connect me to several friend groups. 

I had a certain level of popularity now within the school, directly getting invited to parties and races myself, and there was almost never a time where I would say no. It was the only time I came out, because of the freedom of it all. From problems, pains and worries. It was there like a remedy.

Eventually, I closed my laptop and let out a large sigh. At least one problem was out of the way. 

Then my mind flickered to much darker places, and I found myself stuck in a dread again. Would he take her out on a date? Buy her gifts? Talk to her at night the way he did me?

Before my mind could kill me any further, I got up with a passion and opened up my bedroom door, hoping to be able to distract myself somehow from the situation, possibly by even taking my car and going out somewhere. 

I was in such a depressive state before Satoru arrived, and even now I was but I couldn’t be in the same household as him for too long. It felt like self harm.

As I slipped down the stairs, I didn’t even look up, legs appearing in the view in front of me as I hurried only for me to shortly realise that was Satoru heading back up the stairs.

I gulped down whatever feeling was stuck up in my throat and firmed it down, continuing my way to the car. My mother asked me once or twice where I was going and I told her directly that it was a spontaneous drive, making her furrow her brows at me for a bit quizzically.

”Yuuta not going to pick you up? You’re not the best driver.” 

One thing hadn’t changed over the years, and that was my inability to take any further driving lessons. Yuuta had tried to assist me and we’d only just been able to get me on the road now.

But even then, I wasn’t entirely good at it. 

There would be moments where I would be close to an accident because I zoned out too much, or where cars would honk at me because I took a wrong turn or something.

Even so, I used to just sit in my car sometimes in isolated spots, blasting out songs and having a karaoke by myself.

17 to 19 may have drained me of a lot of the emotions I had and possibly even my spark, but it wasn’t going to stop me taking out even a little time just to feel that warm joy again that I needed. That and Yuuta’s presence almost always brought it in, even if temporarily. 

When I turned off the engine, parked up at the beach, I looked out at the sight beyond me. It was beautiful and so peaceful. People didn’t come often because of the season and also due to it being a monday morning, aka when everyone would be at school or work. 

My school however let us get off a whole week, as we did almost everything earlier. 

It was weird to walk around the household and catch glimpses of Satoru talking to investors, and such. He would also walk out in actual clothes and not just shorts or casual wear, presenting himself forth like a real adult. 

It was also hard to believe that he was 21. He was more adult than anything, and the immature, childish side of him had slipped out towards me completely, but that may have just been a unique case.

My feet touched the sandy floor and I took a deep breath in, feeling the air drawing me closer. It was clean and sharp, with notes of sea salt in it. I trudged on, the warmness of the sand supporting my two feet. Today in particular was a sunnier day, leaving me with a quiet beach on the perfect occasion almost all to myself.

The only other person there was an elderly lady, who I glanced upon and smiled at. She was watching me with a sort of adoration as I stepped into the sea with all of my clothes on, dipping in deeper and deeper by the second.

I felt everything getting wet but I didn’t care. I needed it. 

It was just the right temperature as well, aligning with that of my body. 

I pressed on forward in the water till it was the waves moving me rather than vice versa, making me let out giggles every time they came closer and nudged me. 

I loved the water.

It felt like it was playing around with me. 

Eventually, after about 20 minutes of me just standing in the water, looking behind the distance and thinking about how beautiful the horizon looked, I finally took steps back to come out, only to see that the woman had edged closer to me, her blanket now directly in front of me.

I let out a little laugh, greeting her.

”I hope you don’t mind. I felt I had to watch or you’d fall asleep in there from how still you are. I used to be a lifeguard in my days, you know.” She introduced, patting down the sandy bed next to her and beckoning me over.

I took a seat beside her, and I felt the peace in her presence.

”I come here often, and I’ve never seen anyone express that much joy over this view as you did. And I figured, there’s only two reasons why people do.” 

I turned and looked at her, insistent that she continue as I listened on with a curl in my lip, smiling. 

“Either it’s the first time they’ve seen something so beautiful, or because of the rest of the things in their lives, they’ve come to recognise it as beautiful.” 

She had me there, and I swallowed down my feelings. First the barman and now an elderly lady on the beach. What next? An ice cream truck driver?

”And you? Why do you come here often?” She sparked my interest and so I let the question come out, bringing my knees up to my chest and holding them as I sat besides her.

”Me? Oh darling I’m at the age to. You see what other people as old as me do? Retire homes. That’s not really my… vibe.” 

I looked down at my fingers, and for a split second there I wished I had her life. I wished I could sit on the beach and look forward, my life behind me as all I did now was simply live it, and not be distracted from it by everything else.

“But darling you should know, whatever problems you may have now? I pray they’ll be solved. And anything I pray is sure to be considered.” She wilfully said, reaching out for my hand and clasping it in her own. 

“Thank you… so much.” 

The house had a silent atmosphere when I came back, peering through the door with as least sound I could make as possible. I didn’t want to see him again. 

My clothes were still wet, sagging from what I had done, but I believed if I could slip past everyone, no one would even notice or dare to ask me what I had done in that time. 

I trudged up the stairs, being careful so that the slipperiness of my shoes didn’t make me tumble back down again. 

“Where were you?” My hand frozen on the bathroom door handle, I turned to where the noise was coming from, my mother stood beside Satoru who averted his gaze from me. They were holding a folder full of documents and my mother looked shocked at the state of me.

I insecurely crossed my arm over my body and tried to make my answers quick before I could slip in and take a shower.

”The beach.” 

My mother raised her eyebrow, tossing said folder carelessly on to a nearby table and coming forward closer. 

Satoru pulled out his phone, scrolling mindlessly as if bored.

”With who?” 

I hesitated, the cool air of the ventilation inside of the house hitting me as the wet around my body seemed to turn like ice.

“No one.” 

“Who goes to the beach alone?” She retorted, grabbing me by my shoulder and spinning me around to get a proper look.

”I’ll clean up the mess, if that’s what you’re concerned about.” 

My mother glanced at me with a straight, disappointed face.

”No. That’s not what I’m concerned about. Where was Yuuta?” 

I spoke at a lower tone, so that ignorant ears don’t listen to my words.

”Yuuta doesn’t have to go everywhere with me.” 

“He’s there for a reason. Your clothes are see through, you know that?” She barked at me through harsh whispers, grabbing a towel from inside the bathroom and wrapping it around me.

”God, I’m 19. I can defend myself.”

A badly-hidden laugh echoed in my ear. Piercing eyes of mine found Satoru with a look of disbelief, finally choosing to pay attention to the both of us.

”And what’s so funny to you?” I bite, my face screwing up into a defensive glare.

”Being 19 doesn’t change shit.” 

“You were 19 once, were you not?”

”Yes, I was. I was also a stupid, foolish child.”

”Of course you would say that.” I snap back at him, ignoring my mother’s orders to turn back around and apologise, slipping deep into the bathroom. 

Chapter Text

Days blurred into one, and soon enough I started to come to terms with the reality of how Satoru was. He was a full fledged adult now, not even paying me a glance. 

In the living room, we didn’t have family dinners anymore. Satoru’s father was never at home, and I’d see my mother biting her lip often in nervous anticipation before he would slide through the doors at 12AM, his suit creased and eyes worn out. 

“He’s a busy man.” She’d excuse, but nothing in that moment was as busy as her fidgeting fingers on the edges of the TV remote as she sat there waiting.

Some days, I’d never end up seeing Satoru.

But this day? Something I’ll never be able to let go of.

I rolled over on my mattress, scrolling through mindlessly on Tiktok while letting my confidence drop at all the posts they made about me.

’She’s lost so much weight.’ 

‘Her boyfriend could do better.’ 

‘She’d be way hotter if she cared about how she looks.’

I groaned, my head sinking into the pillow as I pleaded recklessly for it to just suffocate me and put an end to my list of growing pains. All of it had to stop one day, and I was too many steps close to determining how. 

My head drowning in the fabric was interrupted by a vibration that travelled across, alerting me.

Hana:

”Hit up a party with me? I just broke up with my girl.” 

-

It was deafeningly loud, the vibrations from my pillow nothing compared to those under my feet, making goosebumps travel up and down my body. 

It was late, around 10PM. By this time was usually when I’d be home, and it was nothing unusual since I’d always been a bit of an early sleeper. 

I looked to Hana and her sulking expression, and in that moment I felt a deep sense of relief. Not because my best friend just had her heart broken, but because now I could finally have someone to relate to.

I had been keeping the lie in for so long and pretending like I didn’t have the worst separation of my life, so now I could at least act drunk about it.

She didn’t drink much, not even as guys came up to her intently with bottles of alcohol, hoping to get into her pants. Hana could read them in seconds, and know that beneath everything they all had the same head to think with, and it wasn’t the one attached to their necks.

I let her tilt herself on to my shoulder, leaning against me as I laid back against a wall, watching as the scene unfolded before me.

I was getting eyes, and I couldn’t help but notice a lot of them were directed towards my legs, exposed and elongated towards the floor as I sat there, too caught up in life to think of anything more than that. 

“You look pretty worn out.” A low male voice came from in front of me and my eyes found the energy to follow up the body besides us. He was clearly above 23 at the minimum, winking at me as we made eye contact. Even after he winked, the wrinkles besides his lids didn’t fade away, making me internally cringe.

There was nothing wrong necessarily with an older man. An older man is great, and a real deal. But a younger man cosplaying as one unintentionally? Real ick.

”I’m not looking for anything.” I half-shouted, hoping my words would get through to him even in such a bustling, upbeat atmosphere. 

I could smell all the weed, alcohol and even hear the sniffs of cocaine.

Hana had brought me to some pretty sketchy places before, but back then we had Yuuta. Today was the first day I came out without him, not wanting to be in his presence after all of the things I’d seen online. The last thing I needed was my insecurities to be heightened by my own self, pushing him away.

”Your spread legs are saying otherwise.” He stood there with legs at a good width apart, hands slowly diving down into his pockets as he leaned his crotch area towards me, eyeing me with a deep perversion. 

I rolled my eyes at the gesture, my womanhood getting drier by the second, even more so than aired out laundry. 

“I promise, they’re not spread for you.” I insisted, nudging Hana to at least sit up so I could better control the situation, being able to usher us away from it if needed. 

I’d be lying if I said my heart wasn’t making its contractions very clear, but as a woman what can you do? I was in a bar with men flooded around me, and all of the other available women had been occupied or snorting. 

“Who are they spread for then, huh?” He challenged, taking a single step closer.

That was enough for me as I shook Hana a little, her eyes fluttering open as I wrapped her arms around my shoulders, standing up and letting her find the strength to do so as well. 

“Leave us alone. We just want to leave,” I calmly stated, using some of my strength to keep Hana up, pressed against me as I leaned forward to better distribute her body weight.

Hana was an inch taller than me, and so it wasn’t ideal. I had wished in my head that she could be at least a few inches shorter, and maybe then I would be able to carry her better, especially at my weight category. 

“Wait, wait, wait… you think you’re leaving now?” 

He pressed his hand against my chest, squeezing on purpose and I flinched, slipping back and having to balance myself again, the goosebumps like spiders edging their way into my brain. 

“Oh… sorry hun. I just need you to sit back down for me. We’re having a friendly conversation, so I don’t know why you’re trying to escape.” 

The world became just a little more muffled now as I kept thinking in my head for a possible escape option, the only thing flickering back and forth being the fire alarm button and Satoru. 

It was moments like these, I found myself ridiculing the way my brain ran to him as a solution, like the neurons connected instantly. 

“Don’t you dare touch me again.” I formulated out of my mouth, my hands shaking as they held Hana, and I could feel her using more of her own strength to hold herself up, becoming more aware of the situation.

”Or what? You gonna run again?” 

Hana was practically thrown back on to the sofa by the impact as the man pushed me, making me stumble and trip. His hand then latched around me, grabbing and roughing up areas on me that made me yell out. 

His nails were jagged as they dug into my hips, sending through shots of uneasiness and pain. 

“Get the fuck off of me!” I shout-screamed into his ear, eyes scanning quickly for someone, anyone who was conscious enough to help us. 

The sting hit me quick. I fell back against the wall, my head banging against it, before I stumbled to the floor. Hauling myself up, my hand was pressed against my face to settle the burning pins and needles sensation. 

“You know, it’s bitches like you. You think you rule the world.” The next thing I knew, his swollen, calloused fingers were wrapped into my hair, tugging me up with it as if his hand were a coat hook, yanking me up to his face.

”You could’ve fucked me at the least. Come on slut, admit it. You wanted to suck on it.” 

I pushed him back with my strength, clawing at him and his face, eyes winding their way to try and dig into his eye sockets.

I was pushed back into the walls with a brutal strength, and it plunged me back into the traumas of that night, like a switch flicked on.

Suddenly, I was in that room. The paramedics came in. I lost myself that day. 

“S-stop. Stop, you son of a bitch.” Stupid move from me. The second sting was harder than the first, and I was crammed into the corner, Hana practically unconscious on the sofa as I held myself, and like always I cried again. 

They were loud, drawn out and pathetic, my mouth tasting of iron from the way I had bit into it by accident, my face soaked and sticky with the residue of tears.

“Say something again. Go on.” 

“Stop…”

”No, come on bitch. Say something again.” 

“You know what… f-fuck you.” 

“I’m going to fucking ki-“ 

I continued to let out drawn out sobs into my lap, my knees held up to me with my forehead pressed against them, cradling myself.

A part of me wanted to reach over and protect Hana, but the thoughts were too strong. 

I just let out as much as I could, as if the noises would somehow drown out his shouts.

My mother had always said to me since that night, that I was never to misbehave again. That I would tell her everything I do and be a good little child. If I was going to be depressed, I should do it behind closed doors. That in this world, everyone had to put on a face. 

But my ‘face’ slipped off now. I was forced back into the state of what I had went through when I was 17 in that room, the scars still visible on my stomach. 

The air was cold and spliced through my cuts, and not even the ice that the paramedics offered could do anything to help the bruising. 

It had gotten so bad, that when everyone else had left the room, I ran to the paramedic, hugging her without a word. She was my saviour that night.

”Fucking touch her again. I fucking dare you.” I heard, my arms wrapping tighter around myself as I created an unbreakable barrier, trying to dissociate as much as possible from the situation.

”Now you won’t say shit will you? I’ll find you and kill you once I get her out of here. You hear me? You touched the wrong fucking girl.”

My voice was breaking at this point, the low and high whines coming out of it the only thing to stop me hearing any of the profanities any further. 

That’s when I felt it. A locking hold tighter than my own. I kept on letting everything out, my chest heaving up and down as I didn’t know if I should be in relief or scared, refusing to look up. 

Meanwhile, whoever was trapping me in a heated and firm hold had his fingers winding into my hair, waiting for the way I flinched to pass before patting me down in a comforting manner.

”I’m so sorry baby. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. It’s okay baby, you’re okay. I got you, sweetheart. I got you and no one can touch you now, Oh fuck, I’m so sorry.” 

Chapter Text

Familiar techniques were recognised as a hand hooked under my thigh like it was automatic, lifting me up with ease and pulling me to his chest.

I could only open my eyes then at the whiff of his cologne, my lips shaking as I told myself not to cry with a glance at his purely worried face. 

I hadn’t seen this much expression in Satoru since before the 2 years, and to know I had been the one to formulate it was like knocking air out of my lungs. It was so brand new, that it took my breath away as I stared at him silently, unable to speak. 

My hands instinctively had come to wrap around his neck, my eyes filling up as his began to slightly close, tracing all of my features once again with his own. 

“Never again.” 

The two words were a silent promise that I could tell were meant for everything. Everything that had happened. 

I couldn’t even tell before it was happening that deep quiet whimpers were leaking out of me, the tears that had been collected within my eyes now streaming out, and my face turning pathetic with fear. 

The change in his facial expressions was within seconds, his eyes widening and his eyebrows knitting together in a type of weaved rage and guilt as he pressed me against his chest, my head burrowed into his neck and his lips on my forehead, just resting there.

We stayed there for a longer moment. I pulled away from his lips on my head, glancing over at Hana who was still unconscious on the sofa, my mind whizzing with thoughts of if anything happened to her.

”Shh, it’s okay. Come here.” He moved over to the sofa, placing me down gently on to it, keeping me towards his heart as he did though, only able to let go after making sure I was okay. 

I sat up, goosebumps trickling down my shoulders at the intensity of the situation, and I could finally make out the outline of the unconscious, bloodied up man on the floor. He was in a much worse state than me, and that was safe enough to say. 

Satoru kept his gaze down on me, pulling his phone out of his pocket with his jaw grating as he dialled a number, bringing it up to his ear.

”I need you to clear a man up from where I am. Do whatever you want, but don’t leave him breathing.” He monotonously spoke, extending a hand out to me, guiding me lightly by my chin to turn my face so he could see the redness from the slap. 

“And slap him, over and over again.” He said now with a much harsh passion, lightly caressing the side of my face before I flinched back, eyes fixated on him with a soft nervousness.

He finally hung up the phone after discussing the specifics of the address, coming in closer again and moving to pick me up by the undersides of my shoulders like it was nothing. 

I rejected the offer at first, shaking my head and telling him I was fine and that I could do it all by myself, but he looked at me with a deep need. 

“I let this happen to you.” He weakly said, but his grip was far more strong as he pulled me up with ease, wrapping my legs around his waist and placing my hands around his neck, pressing my head against his shoulder.

”Don’t worry about her.” He said, eyes fixed on Hana. “I got someone here for her, and once he comes and collects her we can leave.”

He kept his hand pressed against my back, squeezing as if I was going to somehow disappear, his fingers every now and then traversing to the side of my face, pushing my hair out of the way. 

“Fuck… I just want to kill him myself. But I don’t want to leave you alone again.” 

“Don’t.” I breathed out into his shoulder, pressing my forehead deep into it as I felt an overwhelming sense of weakness hit me. 

He contemplated for a second, pressing me against him in his arms, and I could swear I felt them shaking against the rage. 

I held on to him the entire time, the cool air hitting my exposed legs as we came outside. I felt like a child again, the way he was carrying me with ease and just taking me where he wanted, my mind settling from everything that had happened, or at least attempting to. 

He gently gestured for me to get inside of the car, and I was surprised to see it wasn’t his new one. He slid me into the familiar vehicle, leaned over against me as he searched for my seatbelt, crossing it over my body.

I glanced up at him, tilting my head towards him as I scanned his features, recognising the way he acted around me now, finally after all that had happened.

It was like nothing had changed, except everything had.

Pulling back after clicking in the seatbelt, he paused as he realised I had been staring, his chest seeming to begin to tighten as his breaths became more audible, his hand continuing to wipe my tears to the side in hopes they would stop coming out.

”I’ll fucking kill him.” 

Before I could say another word, his fist slammed down on a nearby pole, curse words hauling out of his mouth as he expressed his anger, making me cover my eyes and close my eyes.

I couldn’t take violence. It was bad enough having to put on a face for Hana and pretending to be tough so that they couldn’t get to her, but now was different. I was out of that situation, and my body wanted nothing more than to not be in it. 

His shouts lasted a little longer before out of my peripheral I saw him drop to the ground, hands crossing over the rows of his hair as he tried to calm himself down. 

My heart was speeding up again, the air around me feeling hot as a huge contrast to the night chill, my lips shaking again as my vision blurred.

After a couple seconds he finally glanced up at me, and rage seemed to clear out of his creased glare before he stood up, taking a pause to breathe out the final remains of burning flames of rage before coming closer.

He came around the car to the other side after closing the door for me, the slightest noise ever as it shut, slipping in through his own and leaving his side open. 

“I just need to calm down, I’ll be fine.” He mumbled, hands coming up to cover half his face again in disbelief, his shirt ruffled and the usual confident, know it all facade broken apart at the seams.

”Okay.” I whispered in a breaking voice, avoiding eye contact with him as I focused on my side of the window, my fists squeezed shut around my thumb as I crossed over my arms, slipping back into the middle of the seat. 

Another silence followed before he grabbed his phone out of his pocket, calling up a number again without a word to me.

”I don’t care what you do, or how you do it. Just make him feel pain. Chop his dick off if you have to.” He turned while saying the words as though that would lessen their impact for me, and I gulped at how intense he sounded over the matter.

The call cut with a beep shortly after and I heard him shuffle slightly in his seat, letting out another long breath before finally addressing me.

”I need you to tell me what happened, okay?” His voice was soft again and he attempted to reach out for me to clean my face, but I flinched as a response, fumbling in my bag for a tissue I could use. 

“Y-yeah... just wait.” I mustered out, wiping my face down from all of the cries that had lead to its constant stickiness, every gust of wind from Satoru’s open side making the area around my nose feel frozen. 

He shut his door as he observed me, his hand clenched into a fist by his side as he took in the way I flinched.

”Uh… Um… O- Oh yeah. Right. He uh came up to us when we were sitting down on the sofa. I was completely sober and… Hana wasn’t. He kept on provoking me. I… I retaliated. That’s when…” 

My eyes filled up again as I cringed at myself in my mind, facing away from him as I took the time to calm down the watersheds from my eyes that seemed to love to pour. 

“Take your time. I’m here all night.” He soothed me, his hand naturally extending out towards me before he curled it up, reeling it back in. He probably didn’t want to make me any more nervous.

”He gr-grabbed my… my chest… and pushed me back by it… I fell… Hana slid off. He slapped me once, pulled me up, slapped me again… Fucking sexist, perverted loser.” 

The last couple words were meant to come out tough but my voice broke worst on them, the last thing to leave my lips being a high pitched whine, clearly showcasing how mature and grown up I was at 19.

I finally made eye contact again with Satoru to see his eyebrows knitted together in an emotional pain, looking down at me in pure disappointment and remorse.

”I should’ve fucking been there.” 

The silence thickened further. 

“Y-you couldn’t have known.” 

“I don’t care. I should’ve been there anyways. Any situation where you are in danger, I should’ve been in.” 

“I-it’s okay-“ 

“No, it’s not. It’s never okay. You got hit. You got hurt. You got touched. The one things in your life that I never wanted to happen. I was meant to fucking prevent that.” He leaned back in the seat of the car, his hands coming over his face again.

”I-it’s not your fault.” 

“You’re shaking. Your cheek is red. You won’t stop crying. You keep holding yourself. I swear… I will fucking kill him myself.”

With no warning, he rolled up his sleeves and set a foot outside of the car. 

My hand instinctively shot up to grab his wrist, shaking my head.

”N-no… No don’t go…” I let out, holding him tight with my hand.

He placed his own on top of it with a firm grip, the heat from his body spreading into my ice-like fingers.

”I need you to be home right now, okay?” He reached over for my face and I finally let him, my head leaning deep into his grip. 

Chapter Text

He walked behind me up the stairs to my bedroom, and I was grateful because the adrenaline had only just begun to stop having its effects, my legs a little weak however from shaking. 

I opened up the door to my room, sniffling as I went inside. I paused as the footsteps ceased, turning to face him. 

“Y/N. You know I can’t let him go for that.” 

He said with a tone of hoping for understanding, stepping back from the door and looking at me with a strong need for revenge. 

“He touched… you.” I gulped, letting my bag drop to the floor as I hurried out, grabbing on to him and shoving my head into his chest, squeezing hard around his waist.

”No. Don’t.” I firmly said, not letting go of him even as he made weak attempts to pry my hands off, asking me to look up at him and breathe. 

“No… I don’t want you to go.” 

He finally let his gaze fall to the floor, letting out a final sigh of defeat as he reached out for my hand. 

“Come inside with me then.” 

( song: you get me so high - the neighbourhood ) 

He watched as I took off my clothes, and I let him. It was hard at first, considering the drastic change of the dynamic between us. He let the light stay off, keeping a close distance to me in the dark in case I happened to trip. 

2 years ago, he would’ve been relaxed and laid back on the bed, watching me like a netflix show. Now he was staring at me like an artefact in a museum, hands in pocket but the desire to reach out and touch beyond the barriers insatiable. 

“It must’ve hurt a lot.” He stated, his voice low and quiet.

”What part?” 

“The way he slapped you.” 

“It… it stung a little.” 

“Not a little, a lot.” 

“I-I genuinely don’t remember it.” 

“Y/N. Please stop playing strong with me. You’re 19. Not 25.” 

I gulped, pushing down my words and continuing to undress. 

When I finally got to my underwear, he turned and headed towards my closet. Somehow, he still knew where my comfortable clothing was and he brought it over, handing it to me.

”I-I don’t sleep with all that clothing on.” 

“I know.” 

“Then?” 

“Would you not feel more comfortable with it on, if I’ll be sleeping next to you tonight?” 

As he said those words, memories flickered back into my mind like evil’s attempt to possess me. All the wrong acts we did, and all the ways it felt so perfect.

”N-no. I’d feel the same.” The confession I gave was as true as anything, and as I turned away from him in my underwear and slipped into the fabric of my sheets, he hesitantly followed close.

I felt the back of my sheets open up again with a cool breeze following in before he crept up close, still keeping a small distance between us. 

”I don’t think your boyfriend would appreciate this.” He pointed out, his voice lined with a reluctance at the words. 

I didn’t respond. 

My body slipped back in the sheets, edging closer to him until I could feel him against me, wrapping his hand that was by his side around me, pressing it against my stomach,

”Just hold me, please?” 

“Y/N…”

”Please.”

”Okay.” Defeated, he reeled me in even further, as if he wanted me deep inside of his skin, his head coming to press against the back of my neck whilst he moved my hair out of the way.

”I’m sorry. That you got hurt. That he touched you.” 

“It wasn’t your fault.” 

“It was. I should’ve been there.” 

The same words had flown between us now since it had happened, like repeating clicks on a metronome back and forth. 

“I’m just glad you are.”

He pressed his face into my skin, breathing it in as his hand began to drew circles, familiar as ever and deep as ever into my stomach.

”God, Y/N. The hold you’ve had on me.” 

I pulled my head forward a little after he said that, unsure by what he could’ve meant. 

Shifting around in the bed until I was face to face with him, I pulled the blanket back up over my body again and securely around me, gazing into his eyes in the dark.

His hand slithered back around my waist, finding a new hold on my lower back as he shifted in this time, our lips so close that I could feel him exhale on my face. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that… I never actually fucking let go of you. I tried. I forced. And nothing worked.” 

His hand slid into my hair, deep into my scalp as he caressed it, his loving touch an extreme contrast to the audacity of that man.

He soothed out everything I experienced, holding me until I felt protected again and being the first one to seek out retribution for what had happened. 

Even I hadn’t.

”You seemed like you did.” 

“Yeah? And on the first day of us meeting, I had to act like you weren’t the prettiest girl I’d ever seen, and like my heart wasn’t thumping like an idiot just from the way that you walked.” 

I let out a small smile at that comment, thinking back to the sweeter and younger days we had.

”You have moved on though.”

He furrowed his brows at me with confusion, looking at me with a deep intensity as he held on to waiting for what I had been opening my mouth hesitantly to say. 

“Minnie? You even gave her a nickname.” 

I could’ve slapped him right after that for the way that a smirk rode up his face but I didn’t, instead retreating my hand from holding the fabric of his shirt and settling it beside me.

He reacted immediately, his hand slithering to reach out for mine again as he placed it back, letting out a slight and small laugh at me. 

“Minnie… is her actual name. No nickname. Minnie Maldives. And I think you would come to find that she… actually has a lot of similarities to your friend Hana.” 

“Wh-What?”

”She’s gay, Y/N.” 

I raised my brow at him in the dark, glancing over and not saying a word in singular surprise.

”Yeah, we’ve been a PR couple for a while. It’s literally just to gain traction. But… I’ll admit. The way that you… seemed to react. That wasn’t just jealousy, was it?” 

I tilted my head down, gazing at my glistening fingers that held him on his chest. 

He didn’t let that slide well, taking my chin in between his two fingers and making me face him again.

”Hmm?” 

“It… it was pain. Seeing you… with her. The way you left… and came back with her.” 

He slid his finger back down to my waist, reeling me in till his hips were almost connected to mine.

”And you think I didn’t feel that? With the way that he had his hands wrapped around you, just like this?” 

“H-huh?” 

“I’m saying Y/N, that I was burning up on the inside wanting nothing more than to throw the mic in my hand at him and tell him to get his hands off my- off of you.” 

“Y-you had a girl holding on to you like she hit the jackpot.”

”Oh come on, you haven’t seen the way he stares at you? He looks so desperate to hit for someone who has you every second of the day.” 

I gulped, glancing around the room as he said that, feeling a little embarrassed.

”Wait. How often does he… do you guys…?” 

I shook my head, looking up at him honestly.

”We didn’t- well we… we don’t.” 

His hands became increasingly more comfortable touching me, hooking under my knee as he hiked my leg up to the side of him, resting it on top of his. 

“So… who have you…” He couldn’t finish off the sentence, waiting for me to piece the words together and answer on my own. 

“No one.” Again, honesty is the best policy, right? 

He let out another breath, his hand releasing my thigh as it rode up the side of my body, landing on my lower lip. 

“And these?” 

“H-he kisses my neck sometimes and… if he initiates the kiss then… I’ll kiss him but never m-me kissing him fir-“ 

I was shut up as his lips landed on mine, as passionate as years ago and even more desperate for reciprocation. My hand reached the side of his cheek in a matter of seconds and he copied me, both of us holding on to each other’s faces as we let everything collide, his tongue finding its way with ease deep into my mouth. I yet again explored the back of his neck with my fingers to find his undercut, likely just trimmed from how skimmed down it seemed to be. 

His hand dived like it knew what it needed most, slipping under the thin elastic of my panties before taking full hold of my ass. He could grip it in one hand, letting out a soft ‘Mmm.’ into the kiss as we kept on following each other’s moves rhythmically.

”Fuck…” He let out, pulling away for a second to see if I was doing okay, with all the sudden breaking barriers and borders again.

When he saw the glint of need in my eye, he was on me again in seconds with his only command being “Come here now.” 

17 or 19, 19 or 21, it made no difference. We were young at heart and the way we felt about each other blazed brighter than everything else. 

Even if it was a lie, and even if it all came crashing down, there was a vile and vicious need in me to have him and to feel him. 

I began to press up harder against him, chest to chest as my leg reached out over the back of his, practically covering him in as much of me as I could. 

He let out a low, desire-filled groan before grabbing my ass in his hand again, squeezing it till his fingers would reach the borderlines between kneading and hurting.

“Fuck… we… can’t… go on.” He breathed against my lips, meeting them in a peck between each word, like he was starving with every second. 

“Why can’t we?” My voice was in whispers and needy, my hands still stroking his undercut as I felt his hardness poke against me.

”Because I said so, Y/N. Not today, okay?” With that, I couldn’t feel anything anymore as he shuffled some distance between us, his hand still on my cheek with an affectionate rub as he did something that put me to sleep quicker than anything, wrapping around me like a pillow and blanket at the same time. 

He pressed my forehead to his lips, long and loving. 

Chapter Text

The next morning, Satoru was sat at the foot of my bed, his phone in his hand as I caught him speaking to someone on the phone.

”I don’t want the news finding out. Dispose of him.” 

A million thoughts had been running through my mind, and the one that seemed to be most audible out of them all was the one that went “Is the man I love really a murderer?” 

I pretended to keep on being asleep, closing my eyes and covering my face with my hand lazily placed in front of it, his back still turned to me as he kept on talking.

”I want him on every single sex offender list you can think of. I’ll pay for it.” He kept on going, casually discussing the topic with a relaxed tone, as if it was something he normally found himself conversing over. 

Was Satoru really capable of murdering someone? Should I have fallen deeper in love over how intense his care for me was, or should I have been worried about how much power he held? 

I shifted my foot on accident, a habit I had built up when thinking deeply inside of my bed, causing him to feel the blankets move, turning to look directly at my face and see me practically reflex, screwing my eyes shut.

I counted the seconds after that, giving myself approximately 15 for safe measure before opening my eyes to see if he turned around again and was occupied, or would leave the room.

14…15. My eyes opened immediately and my body flinched, my muscles contracting as my gaze was held directly by him, his body stood at the side of the bed next to me now, hands in his pocket as he watched me.

”What was that?” He asked, a smirk slowly crawling on to the side of his face as he made no care to not embarrass me, mimicking the way I blinked my eyes open. 

“I-I just woke up…” 

“So why are you pretending to fall asleep again?” His voice had an edge of amusement behind it, but I could tell he wouldn’t let go of the topic until I chose to get a response.

I found the courage deep inside of my heart and channelled it, picturing all the powerful, independent and bold women who had called out all the ones at the top before. Rich, powerful or government.

My eyebrows straightened as I fixed him with an affirmative glare, crossing my arms over and matching his energy of confidence, except one of us was clearly trying and the other didn’t have to.

”Are you a killer? How could you talk so easily about killing someone on the phone? Who did you kill in the past two years Satoru? Or have you been doing since bef-“ 

“Breathe. You ask any more questions and I’ll have to get you a job as one of the journalists that trail me on a day to day basis.”

My lips met as he shut me up in a cool, collected tone, taking his hands out of his pocket and resting them to his side, one holding his phone and the other a small piece of paper.

He leaned closer to me, placing the paper besides me and encouraging me to read it with a point of his finger. 

I picked it up, skimming over it to collect information that it was of a local prison, one that was specially funded by the Gojo family.

”I put him in jail, sweetheart. That’s how I disposed of him.” 

I glanced up at him for a double clarification, as if I was a lie detector that could see if he was lying based on how many creases were around his eyelids. I was delusional.

”B-but… you…” 

“What’s the point of me putting a dead man on a sex offender’s list? No fun.” He spoke about the idea as if it was a buzzkill to some party, his tone of disagreement. 

“And no, I’ve never killed anyone before.” He confessed, his eyes creasing at me as his face folded into a look of disbelief as to how I could even suggest such an out of bounds thing.

I stopped tensing up my back, letting myself lean back on the bed and rest my head, letting out a relieved sigh. 

“But.” My eyes flickered to him in a second, paying careful attention.

”Yesterday would’ve been my first. I only didn’t because you were there. So don’t let go of your theories just yet.” 

My lips curled down slightly in dismay and timidness as I lay there, eyes travelling back and forth between him and my fingers fidgeting.

”You shouldn’t… Keep your soul pure.” I sounded like if Gandhi decided to consult Aristotle on an acid trip, and as soon as the words came out of my mouth I regretted how old and frail I sounded.

”Well. If someone touches the person who I know has the purest soul, then you’ll come to know me as the one who has the most tainted.” He remarked, glancing down at me with a seriousness that was subtle but also clear. 

“Oh. What… What will you do about your uh… your lover boy?” Shit. Yuuta. I retraced the memories of last night and the feel of Satoru’s lips, the neediness I had for them and the excitement of a spark of he brought to the table. One way or the other, I had to tell Yuuta. I couldn’t leave him in the dark. 

“I…” 

“I would be like one of those supportive ‘situationships’ and tell you that you don’t have to tell him about what happened between us but honestly if you don’t, I’ll kiss you in front of him. I… Wish I could be that guy for you but… I don’t share. You’re… not his. At least, not to me anyways.” 

“I was going to tell him. I… don’t want to deceive him. He means a lot to me.” 

Satoru looked down to his chest, a laugh escaping his mouth as he tried to hold it back in, his hand reaching up to cover his mouth before he decided to bring it back down again, speaking up.

”Oh, me and Minnie. Could you imagine it? The gay girl and the arrogant billionaire.” 

I had no energy to get over to him and smack him so I settled for kissing my teeth instead, pulling the covers firm over me with an attitude as I faced away from him.

The bed sank in seconds and the feeling made its way to me, my body also lowering before he finally came up close, grabbing my arm and making me see him again.

”Break up with him tonight, and I’ll cross my boundaries. And if you don’t, I’ll respect them. I mean that because… I care about you. I want to be the one there for you.” He confessed, his thumb lining my chin as he lightly traced it, feeling across my jawline.

”W-what do you mean… cross boundaries?” 

His shirt wrinkled out a little from the way it folded in the position he was in next to me, and I swallowed down the anticipation, his lip coming to meet my bottom one in a single, innocent peck before extending back.

”I mean… I’ll make you mine again.” 

He was going to pull himself away and straighten his back so we were no longer so close but I prohibited it, hands firmly gripping onto him. 

“Hmm?”

”How am I not already yours?”

”For as long as his mouth touches that neck, and his hands make their way to that hip.” 

“And I’m just meant to deal with you and Minnie.”

”No, you’re not. Because I ‘broke up’ with Minnie this morning. So, when you’re ready to take the leap… you let me know.”

”W-wait.” 

“Hmm?”

”Why did you… really interrogate Yuuta that night?”

”Why does any overprotective brother interrogate an ex?”

”Is that really it?”

”No.” He faced the foot of my bed now, his hand delving back into his pocket.

”Why then?”

”I wanted to find something that could make you leave him.”

”Huh?”

”For as long as you walked around with that unwanted accessory clinging on to you was as long as I felt like ripping his arm off and punching him in the face.”

”O-oh.”

”But… he’s not a bad guy. Hurts a little though that you picked the same one I caught you hugging like never before on the front porch.”

”Oh come on Satoru, you can’t make the comparison. You’ve been inside-“ I paused my words, realising how far I was scaling across with them, reeling what I said back into my mouth and closing it.

”You’re right. I have been inside of you, haven’t I?” His pretentious smirk was back stronger than ever, amused at me like I was some sort of performance.

I had to clear out the blush from my cheeks by rubbing them and pretending there was something on my face, crossing my arms over with ignorance to his words.

”But you know, there are some things I’ve been keeping to myself. I think you ought to know.” With that, he got up off the bed and began fixing the ends of his shirt, buttoning up the sleeves and stood there like a real businessman.

For a split second, I saw why they picked him out to be the CEO. That and nepotism.

”So…?” I prompted, sitting up and pressing my back against the headboard of the bed as I waited for him to say something. 

“The way that you looked at that Gala, and the fact that it was my first time seeing you. I’ve never wanted to rip something off of you so badly, just to dive into what’s beneath.” His tone was kept the same as if monotonous although his words spoke of a different kind of passion, his hands still doing up the buttons he had on his sleeves.

”Every time I saw you, actually. Every time was reason enough for me to want to just take you by that arm, take off those panties, take that pussy into my hand and give you what you had been missing.”

My leg reached out towards him with what he had been saying, and my fire for him burnt brighter. I don’t know what was hotter, the way he was saying it like a shopping list while getting ready or the way that he looked so adult-like with his suit pants, shirt and leather shoes.

”So why didn’t you?” 

He tutted his mouth at me, shaking his head slowly from side to side, grabbing the tie from my desk chair and turning to face my desk mirror as he began to ribbon it in like clockwork. “Because, if you want my hand on that untouched pussy… you’re going to have to do better than that. You can’t be with Mr Good Guy Softie over there. I want you to be mine, and only mine.” 

“I like the way you tie that tie.” I stated, regretting it almost instantly as I thought to myself how I must’ve sounded like a desperate fangirl, my eyes ripped off of him with a subtle embarrassment. Tie that tie? What was I? 15? 

”Oh yeah? I’d tie it around those hands and then give you head because of the way you’re closing your legs right now but, I figure not until he’s out of the way.”

He finally was satisfied with his clothes, looking down at my tinted cheeks with a smug glance.

I watched as he made his way to the door, hand firm on the handle before he turned around, saying the final words.

”Oh… and Y/N? After you tell him? I want you in my room on the same night. Naked. On my bed. And that’s an order.”

( hey guys i hate to put this on you so abruptly, as so many of you have told me how you find the fanfic really good and wish for me to continue, or that it’s the main one you’re reading right now. that’s really pleasant but i do have to warn you! [ I AM going on a 1 month HIATUS ] i ask that you bear with me and that you hold this to the side. BOOKMARK IT. come back after a month, and if i DONT post, spam me. but i promise u can take my word for it. i might post chapters that are wholesome but nothing will feature sexual conversations or descriptions. they will only resume after that month. please DO COMMENT below however how you feel about it so far, any plots you would like me to do, any scenes you want me to recreate when I’m back… any criticisms… any characters you want to see… any dialogues. ANYTHING. i really enjoy your opinions SO MUCH. )

Chapter Text

Rain splattered down the window in heavy passions, colliding with the frame as it drizzled and blurred tbe vision of the outside, but I could still make out Yuuta’s outline as he pulled up to the front door of the house. On the porch, I watched a servant step out to greet him, letting him in and offering him towels to dry him off. 

My heart sank before he even came up the stairs.

I loved Satoru. I knew that more than anything. The touch? The exhilaration? The gasps? The authority? It was all his and I wanted it to dictate me. I wanted him to tell me what to do, when to do it, where to do it and how. I didn’t care all too much about the why when I was torn into gazing at those pretty blue distractions. 

His words rang in my ear as if to taunt and encourage me all at once. 

‘Break up with him, tonight.’ He was bold, and he knew very well why he was being bold. Because he knew in that moment when I looked up at him, that yet again we took a step we couldn’t retract. 

He felt it in his bones when he held me through the night, waking up in fear that a nightmare would form and he would grasp and my skin wouldn’t be there. 

I wanted him more than anything. I needed him more than anyone. I didn’t even care in that moment about what I heard him say two years ago. Not a little bit, even though I wanted to. I wanted to respect myself but that? Just being in his presence makes layers of me melt off. All the barricades and defences disable, and I’m left looking up at him the same way I did when I was 17.

”Someone’s deep in thought.”

Yuuta ran his fingers through his dark hair, even darker from the wetness of the rain. His eyes were always warm towards me. Like even if I cussed him out for days, the caring glint within them wouldn’t fade. 

“I am.” The words croaked out of me in sorry whispers, and in my head I was attending a funeral. The funeral of what could have been, and the funeral of what we had. I knew our friendship was at risk now. If we broke up, we’d never be the same again. 

“Why?” He gulped down, his eyes leaving mine to search for a place to put down the wet towel, afterwards sitting himself down on the edge of my bed and trying to lean back, but the tenseness of the situation between us kept him upright. 

“Yuuta I…. I think we should-“ 

“No.” 

My eyes widened ever so slightly at his words, taking it in while I felt my throat go dry. 

“H-Huh?” 

“Don’t say the rest, please.” He leaned forward now, head in his hands as he let out a deep sigh, droplets from his hair every now and then finding their way down to my floor. I didn’t mind. I couldn’t in the moment.

”Yuuta…” I was a dickhead. 

“Just… It’s okay. I’m not mad at you, Y/N. I really am not.” His voice sounded weak, as if he’d just become defeated in something he spent years working on. 

“Yuuta… Honestly I-“

”I was always the one more interested in our relationship, Y/N. I saw this coming. You’re not at fault I just… I just need to process the mistake I made.” Hearing the word mistake made my heart drop further as I froze, my hand mid air from attempting to reach out for him.

”Mistake?”

”I trapped you into this. Made you my girlfriend for years. But you could never look at me like that…” The silence between us thickened as I waited and gave him a small amount of time to recuperate his thoughts and continue to convey how he felt to me.

”I knew we were over before we started, Y/N. But I wanted it to be you.” With that, he got up and didn’t even look at me. In that moment, I felt a pain. I felt like I was losing something. 

“I’m sorry for trapping you into this. I love you, and… I’ll do my best to get over you. Don’t worry about our friendship-“ I crashed my head into his chest, wrapping my arms around him so quickly while he was off guard, facing away from me with a tear in his eye. 

He didn’t reciprocate at first, but his heart told me everything I needed to know from the way it pumped, every part of his soul wanting to climb out of it and just leave this moment.

”Y/N… come on. I need you to… I need you to let go.” Platonic as it was, I didn’t want to let go. He was one of my only friends, and the thought of going maybe weeks or months without talking to him made me dread badly on the inside. 

He finally offered me a weak pat on the back, his hand trailing up to reach behind my neck and caress the skin there. 

“You got to let go of me, Y/N.” 

“Please… forgive me.” The tears clashed down my face and against his chest now, mimicking the moment of the rain. “Y/N… you never did anything wrong.”

“I did… I should’ve told you from the start.”

“No… you did good. You made me happy. You cared about me way more than I ever saw you do yourself this year and the last. Just to make me glad. Now, I have to let you be happy.”  

“I’m sorry.” 

“God, Y/N one more word and I swear, I will kiss you. So please, for the sake of both of us I need you to let go.” I stepped back finally, and he took that as confirmation enough. I was torn between two halves of me. One that wanted to be free from the burden of disrespecting him by pretending to love him, and yet the other that wasn’t ready to see him walk away.

”You did good.” He said as final words, pressing a kiss to my forehead and wiping my tears without even looking into my eyes.

Before I knew it, Yuuta was down the stairs and out the door. Two years passed, both in time and in space. They walked right away from me, and I didn’t have the courage or bravery to attempt to hold on.

I was a coward, stuck in the arms of another. Reaching for the holder of my soul, and the one who knows my heart like the lines on his palm. 

-

“Is Y/N home?” I heard him ask the servant down the stairs. I didn’t bother to get up and go announce it myself, or everyone down there would have seen the tears streaming my cheeks, mascara tainting them as evidence of the sin I committed, breaking the heart of a man who loved me. 

“Upstairs? Ah, I see.” I braced myself, hands gripping the mattress underneath me and scooping up ruffles of the bedsheet, and with each step he came closer I had to convince myself not to cry once I saw his face. 

In a moment too late, I rubbed the back of my hand over my cheek, and he was through the door in seconds, eyes fixated on my messed up face. With each step he took closer, I couldn’t read the expression in his eyes, but the furrow in his brow gave off slight hints of concern. 

I watched his hand turn the lock on the door, trapping us into a safe space. No one could come in, and no one could go out. 

“It hurt, didn’t it?” My face scrunched up and my vision blurred with tears, triggered by the softness in his tone. Before I knew it, his hands extended out and I followed naturally, up off the bed and locking myself firmly into his embrace. 

“He was my best… he was my best friend…” I choked out, and his finger traced the features on my face. He lined over them, letting the liquid of the tears scatter and cause a glimmer on my cheeks, in attempts to get them to leave. 

“I know… I know baby.” Mid listening to me, he nodded at all of my spluttered words, his hands working quick to loosen his tie and undo the cuffs on his sleeves.

I watched him with my eyes as he got on to my bed, stretching his legs out and pulling me to him, coaxing me in.

”Sit… come on. On my lap.” I did as told immediately, and like clay moulding around pieces, his arms wrapped to keep me safe, pulling me under the blanket with him again and pressing my head against his chest. 

“H-he knew as well… T-that it was all… all a lie.” His hands wrapped under my thighs to pull me up closer, holding on to me tight like I was fragile. 

“Are you… are you upset? That you broke up with him?” I thought for a second, and then I shook my head as a response, silent and yet enough for him to kiss my forehead in a reply. 

“Good… I… didn’t want you to be.” 

My brain was hurting, from all of the pain for a friend and all of the problems I had caused. Yes, I got the outcome I wanted in the end, and it felt relieving to know I could love the man I wanted most in peace, but now I needed a distraction, and quick too.

“I want you…” I gripped his shirt in my hand, my knuckles turning white from how hard I was clinging, but in that moment I wanted my nature to be noted. That I wasn’t bluffing. 

He relaxed me, hand covering my own as he looked down at me with a protective gaze. 

“Sweetheart, you know you have me.” He responded, his breath lightly landing down on my face as he looked down at me and cupped my chin in his hand. 

“N-no… I want to… I want it all… I want to… I want to have sex with you, Satoru… Now… please..” The words spluttered out of my mouth like a broken engine, and I fixated my eyes on him with a desperate neediness, begging my body to just follow through with my brain and let the crave take over. 

“You’re not ready, Y/N.”

”I am. I want you… Please?” 

“Y/N… you’re crying, baby. I’m not a sadist. I don’t get turned on by watching my woman cry in pain.” 

Without thinking, I sat up in his lap, my face still tear streaked as I held on to him, his hands wrapping around me before I pressed my head against his neck, peppering it with kisses and sitting down on his clothed member. 

“Fuck… Y/N stop…” 

“N-no…”

”Y/N…” 

“Please… please… please I need you so badly Satoru.”

Without a second to spare, his hand was down my pants and I felt it find my slit, pulling a finger out and turning my chin to look at it. 

“Stop. Forcing. Yourself.” It was completely dry. No glisten, no nothing. 

“Y/N, I need you to pay attention okay?”

”I do not want to make you think that sex is what will make you feel better all the time. You’re not someone to be switched on and off by sex. I have sex with you because I want to pleasure you, Y/N. Because my body needs you and I promise that in every moment I need you way more than you need me. But I refuse. I refuse to take advantage of you right now.”

I sat there in shame, my lip twitching. His hand came behind my head again in seconds, directing my forehead into his chest and comforting me, letting out deep breaths. 

Chapter Text

Yuuta didn’t text me. He didn’t stop by, talk on the group chat we shared with Hana, call me, convey anything to me at all nor had I seen him in the local area when I went on a morning walk. 

My mother always told me that growing up guilt was my weakness, and I had felt it too heavily to the point of pressing the dagger against myself, even when people had long forgotten any pain I could’ve inflicted. 

She said I had to learn the motto of life, and how people use people, and if you’re going to do so then you should make it worth it or at least put on a beautiful show where people don’t realise they’re puppets. 

But I hated the idea that I could’ve possibly been using Yuuta in our relationship. I hated it because he meant so much more to me, everyone else and even himself. It felt cruel. 

Satoru was gone in the morning when I woke up. Asleep, I would flicker my eyes open every now and then at night, only to discover that he was lazily pressed up against my bed frame, his chest lightly elevating and then sinking. 

I asked my mother and all she could say was that he had some form of a business meeting to attend, somewhere out a distance worth a road trip from home. 

“When will he be back?” I inquired, lids heavy as I had just come down the stairs, my curiosity getting the better of me.

”It should be later in the day.” As if not wanting to reveal too much, or feeling a lack of desire to do so, she turned on her heel and walked past me with a plate of salad, seeming as though she had places to be and things to do.

That was another thing. My mother always reacted weirdly nowadays when it came to me and Satoru. Yet she seemed so content during the times when she knew he was taken. 

-

I took it upon myself to message Hana first and get a hold of her. We hadn’t spoken much since the incident occurred of her being drunk at the club and me being… assaulted, but nonetheless I wanted her to know she didn’t have to feel guilty around me. It was ironic, the way guilt worked.

The sinking feeling in your stomach, like the world won’t move forward till you do something. The need to communicate and yet the desire to never see their melancholic expressions again. It holds you in place, and keeps you there until someone else makes the first move. And if you do? You’re shitting yourself practically, just sitting and thinking about the response that could come out of it.

She responded to my texts quickly, as expected of Hana considering she never was a slow or inconsistent messenger. 

Half of me wanted to revert back to my escapism ways and to maybe hit up the club and see if the lingering fear of being smacked up against a wall would fade away with the alcohol, while the other wanted to take her with me as a chaperone and wait outside Yuuta’s house, to see if he would be willing to talk.

It didn’t help either that I knew Yuuta so well. I knew him enough to know that if I did go to him right now, I’d be doing him a heavy disservice, considering that he tended to heal better on his own and with time. My face would just be another shock back to the memories. 

So what did I do? Good question. I decided to do something completely out of range of both options. I decided to have a girls day out with Hana.

-

The mall was more tranquil in comparison to other days that I had gone, which was uniquely peculiar considering that all of the stuck up brats in my area had loved to flaunt themselves in that specific location. Designer dresses greeted me at every turn and I had to fight the urge to ogle at them even further, and be drawn into a siren’s trap that would rid me of my money. 

Hana would notice when I was more quiet and zoned out at times, her hand coming comfortingly to press against my shoulder and massage into it, providing me with some form of warmth. 

I had thought about Yuuta a little while I was there, but none of it was regretful for telling him the truth. It was mainly just regret for even sinking him into that relationship in the first place. 

I should’ve known Satoru was a dent in my mind that couldn’t have been fixed by masking the pieces. There was more to the story, and anything could’ve sparked up again what we were. 

Memories would flash inconveniently at moments were Hana would require my attention even more to give out an opinion on an item of clothing, such as the time I first said I love you back to Yuuta, although my heart sank and squeezed just uttering the words out, like they were a betrayal to all I stood for.

I also would catch glimpses of Satoru’s face back in my mind and embarrassment would spread through my cheeks quicker than a  wildfire with trees, the disapproval in his face like a clean cut to the aching desperation I had for some form of a coping mechanism. A part of me was relieved he never let things escalate between us the night before, and yet another was wondering if it had put him off.

”It’s for my friend here.” 

I snapped back into reality and found that Hana and I were in one of my favourite shops, my eyes focusing into view on a small piece of clothing in her hand, her finger directed towards my face. 

I then checked the price that sprang up on the side of the till and shook my head at her, my eyebrows knitted together in denial and shock. 

“$1000 for that? Don’t be absurd Hana.” I whisper-shouted the words to her, turning again to face the unbothered cashier, painting a forced grin on my face in seconds. 

“It’s a gift. You need it.” In most cases I wouldn’t shy away from gifts, as I did in fact like a little extra something in my closet, but this? She was practically handing me someone’s monthly allowance on a stick and expecting me to bare with it.

Before I could protest any further, the cha-ching of the register dragged me back to my senses and the shimmering gold fabric was shoved deep into my hands, the faint smell of sprayed perfume lingering on it.

”Great.” I mumbled to myself, fighting the urge to lightly smack Hana at the wavering grin that crept up on her face to see me so left with no choice.

“Now quit sulking and please, for my sake, go and try it on in the changing room.” Typically I would have offered her a big fat no, and it was even more desired in this circumstance. Something told me however that the pure determination in her eyes wouldn’t let up and that if I was to showcase any form of reluctance that she would be sure to iron it out of me like fixed creases.  

Walking up to the changing room, I slid in past the deep-brown curtains and found myself staring at my appearance in the mirror, internally cringing at the sight of my tousled hair, my grey coloured clothing and the lack of effort I put in bringing colour into my face. I ripped off the tag from the skirt with a gentle tug and pulled it up against my body, feeling my eyes widen as I assessed its proportions against the length of my legs.

In case I was mis-seeing things, I took off my grey joggers and shoved them deep into the branded bag the skirt was meant to go into, instead pulling up the fabric all the way to my waist and gazing with quizzical eyes at the spectacle of a cloth that Hana bought me.

It didn’t even go to more than half of my thighs. With every shift I made, or turn, I was worried out of my mind that I would end up on one of those creepy paparazzi websites, with people taking pictures up where they can, and with the rate of how it seemed to hike right up, I wouldn’t have been surprised at how good quality those photos would be. 

“Oh my God, Hana what have you done?” I exclaimed to myself in the mirror, hesitant before turning to the side and finding my pupils growing even further. I’d never seen shape on me like that before, and most of it was owed to the fact that I had only dressed in tight clothing for events that required looking like you came from the 60s. 

The gold material shone and left reflections of light around the tiny room, like a disco ball screaming out to be worn by only the world’s least picked pick me girl. Either that or a complete narcissist. 

“Hana, I’m going to kill yo-“ I should’ve known better than to question as to why for a whole 2 minutes, my best friend managed to stand there outside with not a single word slipping out of her, especially with the eagerness she had over me to see how I looked.

Shame hit me like a brick, and I found the deep brown curtains I had at first carelessly tossed to the side clenched in my fingers like never before, wrapped around the lower half of my body to shield the atrociousness hiding behind them. 

Satoru tilted his head at me as if in wonder of what I was playing at, Hana stood behind him as if that would protect her from the wrath I would spread for how she couldn’t warn me. His expression wasn’t readable, all except for the slight raise in his eyebrow as his gaze dropped lower and lower with every second, my knuckles turning almost white from the grip I held to save my dignity. 

“Mother said that you would be-“ 

“I came back early.” His tone was almost as if he was both intrigued and curious of me, and I watched as he turned to his side and gestured for Hana to give us some space. The rest of the women stood outside the changing rooms sat around the chairs staring at us as if we were a show, most likely noting how silent Satoru turned. So was I.

The click-clack of Hana’s heels drowning out with every second came along with the increasing desire to know what was running through his mind as he stood there, his eyes plastered on the ruffles in the curtain where behind was my hidden body. 

“You like them?” 

“Like w-what?” 

“Skirts like that.” 

I glanced down at my thighs pressed together behind the barrier that kept his eyes from piercing straight through me, and I could’ve sworn I was hallucinating from the way the skirt just seemed to shrink, more and more.

”L-like what?”

”Oh I don’t know Y/N. Maybe the so-short-you-could-see-everything-if-i-sat kind?” His voice was laced in both irony and sarcasm, hidden not so discretely behind a calm tone. At least he was 21, and more developed. He knew how to hide it better.

”I don’t.” 

“It’s on you, is it not?” 

“That doesn’t mean that I like it…”

“So you don’t like it?” 

I took a second and snuck a glance at myself in the changing room mirror, noting mentally the way that my ass shaped up, as if I would never see such a beautiful sight again. 

“N-no I-“ In seconds, he was inside of the changing room with me, and there was no other brown curtain inside of there that could pull me away from his gaze. He narrowed his sight a little as his head tilted down to fully assess me, a small sigh sinking out of him.

With little thought, his hand was on the curtain and he fully pulled it so we were shrouded in a little darkness to match the low ambient lighting of the room, leaving us to ourselves and the tension. 

“God, just the thought of someone else seeing you like that.” He murmured to himself, his hands slipping down with two fingers only extended, lightly caressing my thigh to deliver goosebumps.

”What happened to those good girl skirts you used to wear? The ones that reached your knees.” My mind was yanked back to the era where Satoru and I thrived, all of the outfits I had compiled with my black lacy skirts, plastered in my mind. 

“H-huh?” 

“Oh come on, you heard me Y/N.”

”I still wear those…” 

“Are you going to wear this?” His eyes flickered up now to my face, which he didn’t seem to look at since first sight at my thighs and how they pressed up against the tight fabric. 

“N-no.” As if his glance hypnotised me, I felt like I couldn’t say anything other than what he wanted to hear.

”Good. You’re…. you’re not allowed to.” 

“Excuse me?” The inner feminist in me came roaring out in the form of a raging lioness, my posture suddenly straightening out as my fingers cleared out of the way of the slightly skimpy display, instead finding a place to rest on my hips.

He glanced away and slid his hands into his trouser pockets, and between us all we could hear was the ticking of the watch on his wrist before he finally decided to speak. 

“Don’t… be like that Y/N. That skirt… it’s… You know what other guys will think.”

”So? Let the-“ 

“Fuck no. They don’t get to see even a glimpse or imagine what my woman looks like under that tiny item you’re wearing. If you think I’ll let you walk around in that just to see shitheads with hard dicks staring at you in articles, you don’t know me Y/N. I’d castrate them first. So… please. Don’t wear that.” 

“But you know this is yours, so why-“ 

I was cut off by the slick move of him wrapping both of my hands into his single hand with his slender fingers, pressing them up against the wall and straightening me out before he moved in, his face merely seconds from colliding with mine. 

“No means no, Y/N. Come on, time to be a good girl.” 

I’d have been a really bad liar if I said this didn’t make the fire in me burn deeper.

”But I just don’t get why-“ 

“Hey… I know. You’ve had your fun sweetheart. Now please, shush.” 

“It’s not like they’re the ones who are tou-“

I was flipped in seconds and I felt my heart speed up against the wall as I lightly crashed into it, his hand preventing the impact from being hard enough to hurt me, before his wrist slipping out from in front of me and reaching behind to deliver a sounding smack to the exposed part of my ass, his other hand keeping a firm grip still on both my hands yanked behind my back.

”S-satoru!”

“Pull your skirt down. Now.” And just like that I’d done it. I’d pissed him off. 

Chapter Text

“H-Huh?” My hesitation was real. We were in a dressing room separated from a group of women with a thick piece of cloth in the middle between us, and the last thing that they would’ve had to hear was the slap of the century, delivered straight without warning to the red skin on my ass. If anything, I didn’t want anyone to think something else was going on and walk in, only to be forever blinded by a much more horrendous sight, 

“You heard me, Y/N.” He came up to the side of my ear and pulled my hair back until the back of my head was forced to rest lightly on his shoulder while he forced himself to whisper. 

“Strip down. Now.” 

“I- I can’t… there’s people here.” His gaze made its way to the reflection of us in the changing room mirror, and I followed it too, only to be met with such a seductive sight. His crotch was seconds away from being pressed up against me, his hand coiled in my hair making my eyes grow lidded by the second with unkept desire. 

“You see that, Y/N? That mess staring back at you in your reflection? I know that mess all too well. She needs a good amount of discipline. So I don’t care, if there’s people here or not.”

”B-but the people-“ 

“A little birdy told me what people thought didn’t matter. As long as I’m the only one seeing you like this, right? So what’s the problem of everyone hearing me pound into you? It’s not like they’ll imagine anything, right?” 

He had me there. I saw how truthful his argument was, and my hypocrisy came shining through, but I wasn’t about to back down in seconds without a fight.

”There’s a difference between fucking into me and me walking out in this skirt.” The words came out hurried and blazed with a slight tone of irritation, making his grip on me tighter as his crotch finally pressed up against me. 

“Oh really Y/N? Because to me there’s none. Either way, I’ll have the same ludicrous thoughts, and so will other people.” 

I groaned, struggling in his grip.

”What’s wrong?” He teased, his lips caressing the side of my ear. “Can you feel the evidence? Of the things that would happen if someone saw you in that little number?” 

“Okay, fine!” I surrendered, my heart beat racing out of my chest as I felt my core tighten in that small space, the realisation dawning on me that it had become suspiciously quiet in the changing room. 

He was bricked up hard, as if he hadn’t fucked into another woman properly, and I couldn’t remember the last time I was sexually charged. 

“Fine… I won’t wear the goddamn skirt.” I whisper-shouted my declaration of loss in the battle, finally glancing up at him in the mirror with eyes that spoke of seeking mercy. 

“Oh yeah?” His eyes lingered down my body in the reflection until his brows straightened as he got lower, and I could make out a thin smirk printing itself on the side of his cheek as if he came across a gold mine. I followed his gaze and felt hot blood rush through my body almost instantaneously, aligned with the sight of how it seemed he wasn’t the one pressing into me anymore. My thighs were nowhere near pressed against the wall, and I was arching so bad it looked like I wanted to be making contact with his crotch. 

At this rate, it looked like I was pressed into a sex position, and he was relishing at the sight of it with an aura around him of relentless abandon. I immediately worked on straightening myself, eyes torn from how desperate I look and facing the wall in front of me as I pulled myself away from his thick cock pressed against me, all held back by fabric. 

“L-let me go now. You win, Satoru.” 

“I know.” The smugness in his voice made me want to turn around and punch him once, just like I would’ve when I was 17 with how much he teased me on a day to day basis. Instead? 19 year old me rolled my eyes and made it very apparent as I let out a sigh, gaze fixated on the wall as I waited for him to release his iron grip.

But he didn’t. And I kept waiting.

”But you see, the thing is Y/N… I won, and I want my prize.” There was only so much that could mean, and whatever it was had my core sending signals to me again like a bitch in heat, forcing me to ignore it as I kept masking the neediness inside of me that was attempting to creep back up. 

“W-what pri-“

”Sex. Here.” 

“Here? No…”

”So you’d give it to me if I asked you somewhere else?” I blushed at his words, forcing myself to face the curtains, away from the mirror as I closed my eyes and stopped the racing thoughts in my mind scolding me for trapping myself in such a predicament.

”N-no.”

”You wouldn’t?”

”Oh my, shut up. I would.” My body flinched in seconds as i felt another wave of shame wash over me, the second slap he delivered much louder than the last. 

“Don’t be so rude, Y/N. We are two adults here, conversations politely.” 

“Is this what you learnt abroad? To push women up against walls and pressure them?” 

“No, this is what I learnt from 2 years of not being able to see you, let alone touch you. I’ve got 2 years of need, shoved into a single hard on right now, all that you’ve triggered.” 

I went silent as his free hand lingered down to my hip and slammed my ass back into his crotch, making me feel what he was saying.

”I wouldn’t be pressuring you like this if I didn’t know what a dirty girl you are. Like this.”

Protesting was worthless, because I had no warning as I had my legs forced apart by a singular hand between my thighs, making me bend my over forward so he could get a better look at me, his hand slipping through the fabric of my panties and rubbing up and down my slit with ease, simple words of praise leaking out of his mouth like the liquid leaking out of me.

My eyes even more half lidded and my mouth patting as I pressed my forehead against the side of the wall for something to keep me in place, he let out a small laugh held in his lips at the sight of my inability to control myself, his fingers not stopping their teasing, slow movements. My hip met their merciless caresses in the need of triggering a deeper friction. 

“Fuck, has two years turned you into a waterslide for me?” My hair hid the expression of submissiveness that worked its way onto my face, the only thing visible from behind me the way that I shook my head to disagree with him.

”Baby, I love you… but you know that I can feel your lie, right? Literally?” As if to mock me any further with his adoring words, he applied more pressure now, fingers finding my clit more often, but I knew he didn’t need to stimulate it as much anymore. The ‘lube’ was there from the start.

”I-it’s because I haven’t touched anyone in s-so-“ A gasp stopped me from being capable of finishing my sentence, a reflex coming up of me swallowing my words back as he worked his way at proving me wrong every time, his finger sliding inside of me with complete ease. 

I heard a pleased groan coming from behind me, as his fingers curled up inside of me and explored my walls like they were a home to him, noises of praise slipping out of him. 

“Such a good girl for me… so wet, and yet somehow so tight… So warm for me…” His other hand quit pressing me against the wall, and he didn’t have to anymore. I wouldn’t move. His fingers delicately pulled back my hair from covering my face, and then tilted my head up, his palm pressed against my neck as he used it to pull me back against him, making me lean on his shoulder helplessly.

Peppering kisses across where he once left several hickeys years ago, the praise was much more hitting from the way it slipped right into my ear, accompanied by the way he loved me sin the way best way possible down there. 

“My baby is so tight for me… look at her… she hasn’t fucked anyone else since. Now her pussy is all made for me, moulded exactly to how I wanted it.” 

His finger kept curling at the right spot, as if he knew it from muscle memory. He paid attention to each of my expressions as well and when I would go quiet or let out small whimpers, all signs of where inside of me was best to reach. 

“You used to like it here… let’s see if you do now.” As if the rest was just a joke he was playing, his finger reached back deep inside of me and caressed the left side of my walls, a spot that for some reason seemed to bring me so much more pleasure than anything. My thighs clamped together as he rubbed against it, making him hold me in place and kiss me lightly on the cheek in affection. 

“You’re melting, baby. Careful. I might have you on this floor.” God, did I want him to. Badly. 

“Let me get you ready…“ He introduced his second finger to my slit, rubbing it up and down in the coating for a layer of slick to make it more comfortable, all before testing the elastic around my pussy by pushing both large fingers deep in. 

A slight whimper sunk out of me as he pressed another kiss to the side of my jaw, slow as he reached the resistance inside of me, beginning to gently pull his fingers out of me and then back in deeper. 

“R-ready for what?” Oh come on Y/N, wasn’t it as clear as day? 

“For when we have wall sex, baby. I think your pussy has forgotten how stretched out it needs to be for this cock, so I need to ease you into it.” 

“W-wall sex?” 

“You would prefer that small bench then? Or the cold floor?” 

“N-no that’s not what I’m saying-“ 

“Wall sex it is then.” 

“N-no.” It was ironic. The way we were arguing over preferences, all whilst the thing I preferred most what was happening, with the way his fingers delved into me and pulled out my pent up, long awaited pleasure that would eventually lead to an orgasm. “N-no sex in general. Not here.” 

“Then in the mall toilets?” I turned back and offered him a glance to tell him not to test me, which he met with equal fervour, his fingers plunging so deep in me that I felt my legs shake a little. 

“S-stop…” Noises of my cunt and the juice leaking out of it all being shoved back in and out of my pussy made it’s way throughout this tiny cubicle of a changing room, and it had me wondering how much could be heard from the outside. 

“Really? Because the way you’re leaning into my fingers right now for your favourite angle is telling me otherwise.” 

“E-everyone can hear the noises-“ 

“Oh what, this?” He began to thrust in with no warning now using his fingers, the force sharp and hard, as I felt the liquid build up and coat his fingers, the ludicrous noises coming out from both my mouth and my salivating pussy acting as a testimony to how we were made for one another. 

He knew exactly what got me going. 

“S-stop teasing me…” 

“I’ll pass on that. You know that’s my favourite thing in the world, sweetheart. Plus, look at the mess you’re making for me.” I shuddered as my legs began to shake, his fingers yanking out of me and leaving me feeling completely empty, my brain riddled with the singular parasitic thought of needing him back inside of me immediately in that moment. 

Instead I just offered up a groan of annoyance as he forced my chin down to pull my eyes to the creamy liquid that built up on his fingers, taunting me. 

“You know, I’m sick of only being able to see my baby’s back now.” Grabbing me by my wrist, he flipped me around and pressed my back against the wall, a hand pressed to the side of me as if to tell me not to escape from his gaze, the look in his eyes sharp and telling as he slipped his fingers into his mouth, strings of my liquid coating his tongue as he swallowed it down for me, sucking and licking up stripes on his fingers.

”Just like the sugar I used to delve into at night, when everyone else naive in our household was sleeping. All while I was coaxing this nectar out of you. Out of that.” 

His saliva-glistening fingers made their way back down to my skirt, and he didn’t have to pull it back much to expose my pussy, forcing my legs apart with ease and then rubbing me up and down, his eyes focused not on the strings connecting us as he did so, but the flustered, unmoving expression on my face of pure lust. 

“Yeah? You like it when I touch you like that?” I contemplated for a moment, but it was worthless as all of my defences broke down. I was left in front of him, unable to lie, He knew everything about me. 

“Mhmm…” 

“Again.”

”Mhmm….”’

”Again.”

”Mhm-“

“Words, Y/N. Use your pretty words.” 

“Yes….”

“Yeah? And when I do this?” He resumed the thrusting motions into my pussy with his fingers from the front now, admiring the way I opened up my legs for him and subtly met his motions with my hips.

”More…” 

“What’s that?” 

“More….”

”Come on baby, speak up for me. Really plead for it.” 

“I want more… Satoru. Please.”

I finally found the courage to glance up into his eyes, using the power I held most gracefully. My doe eyes. 

It was funny honestly when I thought about it afterwards. How a couple days ago till that moment, I was begging Satoru practically for him to fuck me, but when the moment actually arose, I forgot how assertive he was, and how he didn’t give a shit about my shame when it came to him. 

And I loved it.

”Oh yeah?” His voice dipped into a slighter higher pitched tone, as if he was begging to surrender himself to the way my face glanced up at him like that, my cheeks burning a bright red and my mouth kept open from the inability to close from the way he was touching me. 

His fingers curled often inside of me, coaxing out more and more, my eyebrows knitting together as my mouth spread open, letting out small and yet meaningful little moans. 

“Please…” 

“Please what?” 

“Please stop teasing me…” 

“What do you want instead then?” 

“I- I want…” 

“Keep going. Don’t stumble now.” 

“I want your cock inside of me… And I want you to make me come hard on it.”

Chapter Text

I let out a noise of surprise as his fingers hooked under my thighs and picked me up with ease, his movements fast and filled with intent as he placed me down on the bench in-front of us, pressed against the mirror. 

“On second hands, I figure being on the wall is a bit counter-productive for someone who’s technically still a virgin.” 

I felt a little sense of offence at the words, looking up at him with furrowed brows.

”You took my virginity-“

”Y/N, it’s been two years. For every day that you’re not filled with me, is every day you revert back to becoming a virgin.”

( song : back to friends - sombr ) 

I closed my mouth from speaking again, figuring that the more I said, the more I would only end up being stood corrected.

Or… sat down, I guess. He spread my legs far open, and goosebumps trailed up my thighs as anxiety dawned on me, a rip spreading through the fabric. 

“Hey… you tore the skirt.” I mumbled, fingers finding their way down to the parting of the fabric. He stopped me midway, his larger fingers coming to encompass my own, each one fitting into the slot between mines and squeezing lightly.

”Oh, you’re so cute Y/N. You think I can’t pay for it? You know I could buy this store today.” I gulped at his bold claims, and they were only further supported by the way he continued to spread me out, the noises of the rips even deeper than earlier.

My panties slid off of me with no problem, and yet I think most of that would’ve been from the way he hurriedly yanked them off, his only purpose to reveal the womanly mess that would come afterwards. 

My walls glistened with slick from my slit as I took a glance down at the sight he wasn’t ridding his eyes from, that smirk from the side of his face only becoming deeper and bolder with every second that he relished it in. I teasingly attempted to cover up the evidence with my thighs, smushing them together, but I took in the air a little sharp as he let out a noise of disapproval and grabbed me by my ankles, lifting them up to the sky and separating them like the sun from the moon. 

“Let me see what’s mine.” He said, loud and clear, leaving me gazing back at the curtain of the changing room again. Now I knew why anyone wasn’t coming in.

A finger hooked under my chin and redirected my attention, his expressions that of possessiveness, with a stern glance down at me. 

“Look at me when I’ve got you like this. I don’t care about what’s going on out there, so you shouldn’t either.” 

“I-I was-“ 

“Are you talking back?” 

I gulped down the rest of my sentence, because yes, it had been a defence of myself from his accusing words. I instinctively licked my lips after they turned dry from his assertiveness, my throat coming up and down as he watched me swallow.

He was on me in seconds after, no sort of warning or way of letting me know. His hands came down first, my ankles still high up and he made sure they stayed that way as he situated himself between my thighs, his torso in the way of me making them close. Then it was his lips. They pressed against my own, his hand hooking under my head and giving me a temporary pillow to elevate my head on to as his tongue slid deep into my mouth, invading me again. 

Satoru and I were like a parasitic relationship sometimes. The way he took over every part of my body, and I let him. The way he always left me wanting more, thirsty and hungry, for that which was him. He was the air I breathed.

I met his kiss with fervour, grabbing the wrist of his hand that was under my head and caressing it, lifting my head up so that there was a greater pressure of my mouth pressed against his, the feeling of wanting to sink into each other’s skin becoming intensified.

Eventually, his other hand came up my body from my stomach, through my shirt, all the way to my neck. It lightly caressed around my throat at first, lingering on areas he knew was a sensitive spot for me when he made hickeys, his tongue delving even deeper into my mouth as he pressed down on the target spots. Our heads were following each other’s rhythm, and the world was lost from view as I felt euphoric from the way his mouth tasted, felt and acted.

I wasn’t ready for his lips to part from mine, and so when I felt his tongue retreat, I tried to press mine into his mouth and pull him back, but his grip on my neck became tighter and I surrendered, the movements of my mouth stopping. 

By the time we pulled back, I looked down and came to meet his hand wrapped around my neck, the veins on his arms glistening under the low light. 

“How bad do you want to kiss me, Y/N?” His voice was low and I could’ve sworn the room was closing in on me, but it must’ve been the way the tension between us spread and suffocated me. 

“I want it…” 

“How badly, Y/N?” His grip on my neck never softened, and yet it was never painful or uncomfortable. 

“You know how ba-“ 

“I need you to remind me.” 

“Stop… please just… just kiss me.”

I made attempts to move forward to connect our lips again but he stopped me, looking at me like I was a disobedient puppy trying to play a game.

”Bad girl. You’re not answering my questions and you’ve started reaching out for something you can’t have yet.” 

“Satoru… please?” I widened my eyes and looked up at him with a desperation written on my face, and for a second I felt his grip falter. It was nice to know that my neediness was still his kryptonite, even if he did immediately regather himself.

”No. Not yet.”

“Why?” My tone was high pitched and that of a sulking kind, as I couldn’t possibly understand what was stopping him.

”I want to know how needy I get you, just for something small like a kiss.” 

I sat back, his hand still around my neck as I glanced up at him with an annoyed look. 

“Stop playing with me… Satoru.” 

“Then stop hiding it… Y/N.” 

“You know how I feel… It’s written on me.”

”Where? Tell me.” 

“You know.”

”Tell. Me.”

”Fuck… okay… Look what… you did.” I tilt his chin down for him, the gesture catching him off guard a little as his expression faltered, looking down to see my hands lingering down and spreading my pussy apart, showcasing my swollen areas. 

I could tell his heart was speeding up from the way his chest began to heave up and down a little in his suit shirt, his self control hanging on to a tight rope, about to collapse.

I then pulled up my shirt, hooking my finger under my bra and yanking it up to reveal my breasts, grabbing the hand that wasn’t wrapped around my neck and pressing it against my nipple.

”See how hard these are?” I asked the question not even looking up at him, unable to. I didn’t want to see how he was reacting, if he was laughing at me or not. 

I didn’t get a verbal reaction so I continued to trail his finger up my chest, until it reached my heart, resting tight beneath my rib cage. I could feel my own heartbeat press agaisnt his hand, and knowing it was his hand touching the skin seemed to almost make the beats more frequent.

”This… this is what you do to me… This is how badly… I want a kiss.” The words came out of me broken and with each word I surrendered a part of my soul out to him. All the barriers I put up to keep my pooling need from overflowing into our reality shattered, and he was witnessing all of me again.

I finally gathered the courage to look up at him, my eyes hesitant. 

( song: no one noticed - the marias ) 

His eyes looked half lidded out of desire, and the second I looked up, he let out a small grin at me, a praise falling out of his mouth as he began to undo the button on his pants. 

“Good girl.”

His belt came off with ease and the only trap left was his boxers, and when they came off? I’d hitch my breath again. Yet he didn’t continue all the way. He stopped there and grabbed my hands, extending them above my head and his lips found their way to my breast, pressing peppering kisses down around the area of my areoles.

“I didn’t know my baby felt all of this for me.” He coaxed, his finger caressing around both of my wrists as he held my arms up and back, preventing me from limiting him in any way. He sucked, pulled and kissed, over and over again in different areas. 

“My woman.. is so beautiful.” His words were like flowers blooming, leaving butterflies fluttering in my stomach, like a garden was being made by the second.

”You want that kiss now?”

”Yes… plea-“

His lips came crashing down on to mine with equal need, his tongue waiting no time before making my mouth open up for him, although there was no need for any external forces. I let him ruin the inside of my throat, scavenging down as far as he could and winning the battle against my own tongue, finding a rhythm and letting out small, low moans into my mouth. 

We laid there, one on top of the other on this changing bench, devouring each other’s mouth like there was no other concept out there in the world that we knew but that. 

“I don’t want to stop… but I have to be honest.” He pulled back after delivering a directed kiss to my bottom lip and the side of my mouth, sitting up as his hand travelled to the waistband of his boxers. 

“This is a little tight on me… because of you… Want me to take it off?” 

I knew what that meant, and it was asking for consent. Satoru was so cute. 

I nodded my head at him, my fingers connecting on my lap to twiddle with one another, waiting patiently for him as I lay there. I heard his belt clash to the floor as he left our tossed clothing to the side, standing up before me and turning as they fell down his legs.

I could only see the side of his ass, as if he was attempting to hide it from me at first. 

He started working on the buttons of his shirt after, undoing the top ones to loosen the way they held around him, his arm sleeves released after he undid the cuffs there. He finally turned back to me after, and I could feel every function in my body stop for a second. 

My breath was held back as I gazed at his manhood, held inside of his hands as if it would make it any less thicker. He let out a small laugh, looking down at my unprepared expression as I stay laying there, fiddling with my fingers, my thighs instinctively closing. 

“Breathe… you’ve done it once before. What’s so bad about now?” He tried to comfort, pumping the length in his hands and then sitting beside me, spreading his legs outwards and relaxing back against the mirror. 

I sat up, glancing at his face and then down at his length, wondering how the fuck women were able to keep themselves off of him.

”Satoru…”

”Hmm?” He tilted his head and looked at me, his hair a little tousled and his chest heaving up and down in his loose shirt as he kept pumping it, the action becoming more intense when he looked at me.

”You’re going to end up… releasing if you keep on doing it.” 

He tilted his head back to the ceiling and I saw a smile creep up on his face, his expression one of complete bliss. 

“I’m wondering. You look scared. Are you sure you don’t want to just-“ 

“No-“ The words were so instantaneous I looked like a real fangirl, some sort of desire-filled idiot just staring up at him as he jerked off in front of me. 

He finally stopped, his hand coming off his cock as he crossed his arms over and raised an eyebrow at me. 

“Hey… you know it’s okay right? I still consider you a vir-“ 

Who knows what came over me in that moment? It was a number of factors to be fair that were all influencing me at once. The way my core was begging for it. The way my adrenaline was spiking from the foreplay. The way his hair was tousled. How he was willing to sit there and look unbothered for me, like his thickness wasn’t throbbing right in front of my face. 

I was on him in seconds, pressing his member down and sitting on top of the length, not letting it get inside of me yet but lining it with my slick, my hand behind his head and against the mirror as I began to rub along the side of his length with my womanhood. 

He clearly wasn’t ready, his eyes widening as he sat back and held me down by my hips, watching me with light moans as he took in the way I rubbed against him. 

“I’d be jealous if… you got the chance to… and I didn’t.” I confessed, placing my hands on his shoulders and pressing harder on the length of his cock as I kept rubbing, building up the neediness of my core so I could line the length with enough liquid. 

“Fuck… where did you learn this?” He grabbed the side of my neck with his hand, squeezing it and caressing into my hair. 

“My mind. Just now.” He let out a laugh at my response, and I listened as it faded out into a moan, his attention diving down between us as I sat up, grabbing his cock under me and lifting it up now, pressing the tip against my entrance.

”W-wait… what if you’re not ready?” He took control, like he always does. Satoru would never want to see me hurt, even if it meant ridding me temporarily of playing the role of the assertive one. 

He kept a hand under my thigh, acting as a barrier to make sure that I didn’t make attempts to sit down on him, collecting the coatings from my slit and rubbing them on his cock, slipping two fingers into me afterwards, and watching me for my expression.

Once he knew I was used to everything, he finally let his fingers slip out of me, nodding at me and pressing his pre-cum covered digits against the side of my face by habit, apologising as he caressed me with his clean thumb and kept my eyes fixated on his, watching for any signs of wavering doubt. 

“I’m going to press it in now. And you’ll tell me as soon as you feel anything you don’t like.” He outlined, his eyes sharp as he kept them on me. 

I could feel the resistance at the entrance, and the way my hole was being stubborn at first, unsure of its ability to take him in. 

Then I felt him push harder. My hole stretched and I let out a small wince, glancing down before he pulled my gaze back up, asking me if he should stop.

”No… continue…” I whimpered out, meeting his slow penetration with my own opposite motion. 

He noticed I was sinking down onto him quicker than expected, and his hand on my thigh began to hold me in place, letting me know that I should take it slow. 

“Hey… breathe.” He ordered, and just like that I could, letting in the air around us and feeling my heart beat relax a little, his cock still working it’s way up inside of me, the stretching easier to deal with. 

“You’re doing so well for me…” He whispered, moving the front strands of my hair out of my face, all before delivering a peck to the side of my jaw. 

“I-Is it nearly all the way in?” I questioned.

”Uh- Yes.” I glanced down and could almost laugh at how bad Satoru was at lying. I still had a lot of his length to take in, as I wasn’t able to even comprehend how many inches he was. I guess it comes with the height.

”But you don’t have to… go all the way.”

I slammed down and let out a louder wince, pressing my head against his chest with heavy breaths, gripping on to him tight. A breathy moan fell out of him, accompanied by his hands tightening around my hips and stopping me from making any further moves before adjusting.

”Bad move… bad, bad move baby… You’re meant to be read-“ 

The words “I want it now.” pooled out of my mouth and he glanced down at my face as I pressed it against the side of his chest, my features contorting a little as I began to pull back up, his length slipping in and out of me with each of my alternating movements.

”Does it not hurt you?” He asked, holding me gently by my waist and hooking a hand under my thigh again to control the pace at which I moved.

As much as he could plaster his focus on concern over me, he couldn’t get rid of the pure pleasure coursing through his voice.

“It will start to feel good… and to be honest… it already is.” I confessed, pressing a warm kiss to the side of his face.

”Oh… fuck…” I could feel the tightrope of self control rip as he finally began to meet my movements with his own, thrusting into me at a slighter quicker pace, the noise of slapping bits of skin beginning to increase inside of the changing room. 

I didn’t care. I felt like ecstasy when I was in his arms, holding him and feeling him inside of me. The way his length hit the back spot over and over again, and the familiar feeling of something building up inside of me… I was chasing that feeling for two years, and no amount of vibrators or fingers that I put in could never replace Satoru’s cock. 

“Please… please fuck me…” I begged, knowing he was holding back with the way he was thrusting into me, his hips shaking a little as he had to force himself. 

“Say it again.” Again, that teasing side of him came back around and I lightly smacked his chest, a smile forming on my face midst moan, making me glance up at him with an expression that clearly spoke of the seriousness of my needs. 

“Please… fuck into me?” 

It was beautiful. The way he finally let himself be the man he wanted to be. In seconds, I was picked up and gently placed back down on to the bench, forced to lie down as he grabbed me by my ankles and lifted them up over my head, rolling his sleeves up and looking down at me with eyes of pure desire.

”Moan if you want to moan. If you give a fuck about who’s out there, I’ll stop.” He warned, taking off the tie he was wearing and wrapping it around my wrists, so that he could focus his hands elsewhere. 

His hand tightened it’s grip around my ankles, and I felt him move angles just to better shove his cock deeper into me, fucking me while watching my face to find out all the things that make me feel good.

”Yeah, you like it when I fuck you like this?” He asked mid breath, and I looked between us as a groan slipped out of my mouth, watching as he managed to bottom out inside of me, shoving his cock as far in as he could. 

He kept hitting the right areas, making me feel incredibly panicked as worries began to flutter into my mind. What if I came now? What if I squirted on him? What if I made him come in me? I didn’t even have time to fixate on them as he brought one of my legs back down, hitting into me from yet another angle, his head tilted towards the sky as I caught sight of his abs from underneath his shirt, and I could tell he was pleased with me. 

“Fuck… I’m going to come in this pussy if I’m not careful.” He whispered, more to himself than me as he began to come back down to planet Earth, making eye contact with me and watching my mouth part open with every deep slam in. 

“You like it? Or am I being too harsh?” He questioned. I liked the way it was so sudden, and I liked the way it invaded me and I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want it to end, ever. 

“Keep going…” I prodded on, grabbing his hand and making him lean down closer to me, his curious expression watching before I shoved his fingers into my mouth, sucking on them.

”Oh… that’s it… Such an obedient girl. Look at the way you are.” He praised, finger fucking my mouth out, as his cock slammed deep into my other hole.

Eventually, I could feel the pleasure knot in my core tighten as I began to meet his hip thrust with curls of my own, my eyes rolling every now and then to the corner of the room as I fought the urge to come right then and there. 

“Moan. I know you want to moan, so why aren’t you?” He completely stopped his movements, just like said before and I knew I couldn’t waste any time. I let out a high pitched pleading noise, gripping his shirt as it clung to his chest, begging for more. 

Slam. Then another slam. The movements all settled back into me, mocking me violently, all as I lay there and felt my core reach past it’s breaking point, the noises coming out of my mouth being so ludicrous and bold, I was surprised he didn’t think to stop me. 

“You know… as much as I do feel bad for you losing your friendship with him, I’m so fucking glad he never ever got to experience this pussy.” He grabbed my ankle and brought it up to his face, hitting into me from the deepest angle yet, peppering kisses on my lower leg. 

“I-I wouldn’t have got to that point-“

”Yeah? Why not?” He prompted, his voice a little higher and I could tell he needed to hear the answer.

”I-It’s your pussy…” I confessed. 

Almost immediately, his fingers came down as if to actualise it, rubbing along my slit and into my clit, all while he continued to keep up the consistent pace of pounding into me.

”Oh yeah? This pussy?” His fingers pressed down on my clit so hard I had to move my hips up and down so his digits could caress around the area, the pleasure coursing deep through me. 

“But you gave him your lips.” 

I felt my cheeks turn red with the rush of blood, as he wasn’t lying.

“You have them now.” 

“You owe me. I get your lips in this life, and the next. The next after that as well.” He demanded, his fingers coming up to my mouth, covered in our mixed liquids of pre cum and slick, all as he rubbed it against each lip, making them glisten. 

“Fuck… you can take it all…” 

“You surrendering everything to me now?” He playfully asked. I could feel the core inside of me building to the point of blood rushing through my neck, my head coming back and curling as I fought my way to answer him.

”Y-Yes-“ 

“Then come.” He ordered. His finger pressed down on my clit for the extra stimulation and he thrust into me even quicker, all until I felt my body freeze up, my mind filled with the feeling of coming over the edge. It was intense and yet so beautiful, and I had to let out the moan that crawled up my throat, alerting the whole world of my orgasm. My back was arched and my hands clutching at his shirt still, all until he slowed down his pace and I rode out the high of it all, my breaths broken and words scattered. 

“Fuck… so good… I can’t…” 

I was rid of the ability to fully come down from my high before he pulled out of me, the noises of his cock fucking his hand still consistent as I closed my eyes, a wave of exhaustion hitting over me. I felt the spurts land on me, all over my stomach and my opening. His silver strands made contact with my chest as he collapsed on to it, breathing in and out my skin as he whispered praises into the warmth, caressing the side of my hip with his hand. 

“I don’t need sex in my life, but sex with you? The only fucking thing that stays in my mind.”

Chapter Text

I gulped, sat on the bench with all of my clothes back on and the heat on the back of my neck beginning to fade away, watching as Satoru did the buttons on his shirt back up, staring into the mirror at himself and adjusting the creases printed from our activities. 

An orgasm always made me feel just a little more tired, and I couldn’t help but close my eyes for a second as he stayed focused on himself, tilting my head to the side and taking in the scent of his cologne mixed with my perfume.

”I’ll have to carry you out of here at this rate.” He stated, causing me to turn back and face him, all to see that he was fixing his pants, extending a hand out to gesture for me to get up. 

I grabbed it with no hesitation, letting his strength haul me up and situate me next to him, his first move to kiss my forehead in a long and slow embrace. 

Satoru’s arms always felt like they could protect me from the world and beyond, and it was always only his chest I could snuggle in so comfortably. It still felt like a dream with every second that I could hold him, and he wasn’t fake. That he didn’t hate me, not like I had thought at the start.

”Come on, we have to get you home. You look like you could sleep on me right now.” His fingers made their way to the plump of my cheeks, pressing in on them and making my face squish, staring down at me like I was some sort of kitty.

”Look at you, all adorable and tired. I wasn’t too hard, was I?” I rolled my eyes at the seductive manner in which he asked the question, it being clear how he had wanted me to respond.

”You were… but it was exactly how I wanted it. Perfect.” I admitted, nuzzling my head into his neck as I tiptoed up a little to meet his height, causing his hands to wrap around my waist and support lifting me up. 

His hands wrapped around the brown curtains after we pulled back from the wholesome moment, and he turned back and looked at me, awaiting my prepared nod.

I heard the sling as the curtains pulled back and he fixed his tie, coming out first and almost shielding me with the width of his back, holding my hand and reeling me as close to his behind as possible, 

Even though he made such attempts, I still caught sight of women stood with their jaws hanging down to the floor, turning to face one another and clasping hands in front of faces as they whispered, as if I wouldn’t know exactly what the topic was.

They had every right to. It was so disrespectful. We made love in a public changing room. 

As if he could read my thoughts like a psychic, he squeezed my hand and pressed me closer behind him, walking up to the till and away from the perplexed glances before making it to the counter and dropping down a cloth, making us stand there and wait for the cashier to do her thing.

I peeked over his shoulder to look and see what he was buying, the confusion making me raise my brow. In some way, I wish I hadn’t peeked over, as maybe I would’ve been able to avoid the exposure of what we did in front of dozens from my response. 

“The skirt? Why are you buying it? I thought… what we did was… all because of that. And you- you ripped it!” 

The sound of a slap landed next to me and my gaze darted to a woman clasping both her hands over her child’s ears, looking at me with sheer discontent. My eyes widened as I took in the innocent child’s curiosity, bringing my hands up and shaking them in front of me, attempting to explain I hadn’t meant to say so in front of the pure soul. 

Before I could defend my nature, the mother was up and out of the store, and my hand was up in front of my face as I bit my nails in embarrassment.

That barely lasted a second though as Satoru tutted his mouth at me like a scolding parent, grabbing my hand and pulling it from my mouth, interlocking his fingers and keeping them down to our sides. 

“Don’t bite your fingers… you’ll end up damaging them like that. And besides, you’re fine. That kid won’t know anything about what you meant.”

I nodded my head as he fixed his gaze down at me, letting out a small noise of laughter and using his free hand to pull out his card, passing it across the counter for the woman.

He came down to my ear, mocking me for my height and making me huff at him, all before pressing a kiss to my lobe and lowering his voice. ”Plus, the skirt is… a memory. You know? For the both of us.”

As I walked out of that store with Satoru at my side, the glances didn’t seem to matter as much anymore. All I could feel was the warmth seeping from his palm around my hand, and the gentle squeezes he offered me every now and then, as if he gave them every time my safety came into his mind.

”Satoru…” I voiced out as we passed the threshold of the store, his eyes unbothered until they met my face, his expression becoming attentive and warm before he responded. “What?” 

“Y/N?” 

I turned my gaze from him to Yuuta and Hana, both of them stood there and staring at us, Yuuta’s eyes slipping down to the way Satoru was holding on to my hand. 

I froze, and I couldn’t tell you what came over me, but whatever it was felt like my world was doomed and like we had been found out. I struggled, making attempts to let go of Satoru’s grip, but he latched back on to me, pulling me behind him.

”I’m taking Y/N home. Thanks for giving her a good day out today Hana, but her older brother has her now.” Satoru casually assured, nodding his head at Yuuta in an acknowledging manner, before trying to slip past him. 

My mind blanked as I caught sight of Yuuta’s face, all the attempts I made to contact him flickering through my head as I realised I could finally apologise fully like I had intended. I met Satoru’s tug with resistance, subtly letting him know that I wanted to go back, but I was surprised to see he didn’t respond to it, instead continuing to pull me forward with him.

”Stop.” Like an anchor yanking a boat into position, Yuuta’s grip on my wrist halted the rush of waves that Satoru was, his only intent to drift me away. 

I felt the air between the three of us become stale, and if there was no dialogue between people passing through the mall, we would’ve been able to hear each other’s heart beats. 

The situation dawned on me, and before I could tug myself out of Yuuta’s grip and prevent Satoru from even being able to notice that he did that, I watched as the silver haired freight train looked back slowly, his eyes landing first on the hand with white knuckles, wrapped around my wrist. 

I watched the cartilage in his neck move up and down as he gulped, likely holding back the demons that would be attempting to force themselves out, cursing Yuuta for his audacity.

I did as he did the same to me, squeezing his hand in attempts to comfort him, but it was worthless. 

“Let go.” The words were quick and bold, although I had never heard Satoru’s words so quiet. It wasn’t that he didn’t intend for Yuuta to hear them, but more like he didn’t believe he would ever be met with seeing this situation. Like it was unbelievable. 

“No.” My head did a complete 180, my eyes narrowing as I looked at Yuuta and tried to unnoticeably shake my head at him, begging for him to understand as he watched the rusty movements. 

“I said… let go.” I began to reel my hand back from Yuuta’s side, only to be met with the way he pulled it back out beside him, the sight probably like kryptonite for Satoru, as he scoffed and his tongue came to the side of his mouth, the irritation that crawled up and out of his skin made more visible than ever. 

“No… I won’t.” 

“Get your hand off of her, now.”

”I need to talk to h-“

”Don’t make me break your hand off, kid.” I saw a fire burning in Satoru’s eyes, and I recognised the same ferocity from that moment at the car race, against Naoya. 

“With all due respect, I am not letting-“ 

“Let go of her. Now.” 

“We need to speak. I am not stopping unt-“

I collapsed on to Satoru’s chest, the movement so swift and yet impactful, the force of it all making me lose my balance and land against him, surprised he was able to catch me so quick and steady me. 

Even when I was fully stood up, he didn’t remove his hands from where he was holding, his eyes fixated on Yuuta with narrow slits. 

“You’re not allowed to touch her anymore.” He ruled out, his grip on me becoming firmer with every word, his eyes flickering down once to meet my wide eyed gaze, then back up to Yuuta’s perplexed one.

”And who are you to say so? You’re only her brother.”

”Doesn’t that mean out of anyone I get the most say? I’d protect her from anyone, like a good older brother, even from you.”

”That’s dumb. You know I would never hurt her.” 

“No, I didn’t. But now I know you could.”

”That’s bullshit.” The words came out of Yuuta’s mouth with an edge of frustration, his hands crossed over as he stood there in his place, my eyes shifting to Hana as I watched her stand there awkwardly and shrug her shoulders at me, unsure like me of what the hell was going on.

”You know what’s bullshit? Having to hold her while she was crying over you. You have hurt her.”

”Oh right, and the way she cried in my arms over you wasn’t? You were her older brother and you left her.” 

I felt a crowd forming around us as their voices became louder, a spectacle all for the entertainment seeking public to feast their eyes upon.

”At least I’m mad enough to admit I hurt her, than to play the role of the perfect boyfriend.”

”You see, Satoru I don’t know why you’re so involved. You’re not her boyfriend or something.”

”Yuuta, fuck off.” I glanced up at Satoru’s face, his eyes not looking into mine as he glanced away from all of us, visibly holding back his anger from pooling out.

“I would ask that you refrain from saying shit like that.”

”Give me a fucking reason to, because right now? You’re just persistent as fuck, when clearly Y/N doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” 

“Oh yeah? You seen the messages I woke up to today?”

Satoru’s eyes met with mine and I felt a flicker of something course through them, all before he let out a sigh and paused.

”See, there’s a reason why Y/N never picked you. Once you stop being such a wet wipe, maybe you’ll be able to think on it.”

”Y/N did pick me, multiple times. We were dating, Satoru-“ 

“Oh those flimsy kisses?” Yuuta’s mouth closed like invisible sutures tying up, his expression turning to one of being taken aback, my mind racing as I realised the distrust must have been coursing through him.

”Like the ones you peppered on her neck? That’s what you call dating?” Satoru mocked, rubbing into his wounds. I squeezed his hand hard, quietly begging for him to stop before ruining my friendship even further, but the man kept on going.

“You know, I don’t know what’s more adorable. You thinking a couple of kisses means you have Y/N or the fact that you mindlessly don’t even know what kisses her body was trying to replace.”

”Satoru, stop!” I intervened, clasping a hand over his mouth and turning back to face Yuuta, shaking my head all before being met with a tug, his mouth freed, his eyes telling me to stop getting involved.

”No. Let him know. He never got to 3rd base for a reason.” 

“Oh yeah? Who did? I was Y/N’s first proper boyfriend since she moved.”

I heard Satoru let out a confident laugh and internally felt my organs shrivel up, feeling my own sense of second hand embarrassment for the words that came out of Yuuta’s mouth. 

“Have you ever considered that maybe you’re not the only person she hooked up with?” 

“Y/N?” Hana interjected for a second, her jaw dropping at Satoru’s words as she looked at me, betrayal written on her face. 

“Y/N doesn’t do hookups.”

”You don’t know Y/N. And hookups don’t have to be temporary. Maybe they last past 2 years.”

”You calling her a cheater?”

”No, I’m calling you the rebound.”

Yuuta scoffed, taking a step back and nodding his head in frustration and yet understanding, looking back up at us and ignoring the remorseful glance on my face to address Satoru.

“So who is this guy then?”

”Someone you’ll spend your whole life trying to be, so fuck off and go do that.”

Chapter Text

As Satoru dragged me out of the mall, his hand clutching tight against mine and no sort of communication coming out of him, I walked with reluctance behind him and my mind whizzing with thoughts of what his first words to me would be.

His car was parked in the private parking space, a different one to the one that he used to pick me up from the bar in, the doors opening automatically and pulling up with the click of a button from his keys. 

He waited till we reached the passenger side and gently pulled my wrist in front of him, making sure I got in first. 

The air inside was cold as I felt the AC come on, but I knew that the shivers inside of my body weren’t caused as a result of that. 

I could smell the peppermint from his car fragrance, and I tried to inhale as much as possible, all just to stop the anxiety I was feeling from his movements.

My gaze was caught on to the rear view mirror, catching sight of him moving swiftly from one end of the car to the other, coming up to the drivers side and slotting himself in next to me. 

The ding of the engine turning on rang in my ears, the only sound that I had come to hear since I got in the car. The doors came down on the both of us and locked us in, and for some reason I felt an uneasiness spread through my body. 

I didn’t like when Satoru didn’t talk to me. It felt worse than if he were to have just shouted at me the whole way through. 

I contemplated over what I would’ve said, my mouth opening every now and then just to defeatedly shut, his only focus seemingly on reversing out of the lot and driving off.

The road was emptied, all except for bristles and brambles we would end up driving past every now and then, the heat outside able to boil someone alive. 

I fixated my mind on any advertisement that would come up on billboards as we went past, which didn’t seem to end as well because a lot of them were about Gojo enterprises, couples therapy or teeth whitening ads. Personally, I wasn’t in the mood to sit there and smile. 

I placed my hands on my arms and held myself, head pressed against the window as I closed my eyes, trying to make the world blur out.

About half an hour had passed, no comment made from Satoru, my heart only finally calming down from the way it was thumping in my chest. I didn’t know what frightened me more. The fact that Satoru wasn’t even talking or the fact that there wasn’t even any music on to compensate for that.

The trees in the pathway were dark silhouettes, painted along as I followed with my eyes, gulping at the sight of people walking past laughing and smiling. 

I always found it so ironic how the rest of the world could be completely unaware and fine, all when your world seems to turn upside down. Of course, my world didn’t turn upside down, but God did Satoru have his grip on my heart. Anything he did had me swayed.

I heard the noise of a ringing, tilting my head ever so slightly to make out Satoru picking up his phone from his pocket, answering with a sigh and keeping his eyes fixated on the road ahead as he answered the call.

”Yeah?” 

Noises muffled out of the phone and I attempted to decipher them, but made no progress.

”He accepted the proposal? Thats good.” 

What proposal? The task he was doing today? 

“I had to leave early for something… else.” 

His eyes finally flickered over to me through the rear view mirror between us and I was seconds away from jolting my eyes off, instead playing it off by staring back out of the window and facing my head away.

”No, no don’t cancel. I’ll be there tomorrow.” 

What’s tomorrow?

”I want an extra ticket for Miami.” 

I felt my eyebrows twitch, knitting them together in confusion as I continued to listen, wondering what he was going on about.

”I’m sending you her details, and I want it filed down by tomorrow.”

Her? Who the fuck is he taking to Miami?

I crossed my arms over and propped one of my legs over the other, straightening my back and pretending to not give a fuck. 

“Make sure you spell her name right. It’s Y/N.” 

I whipped my head to face him, eyebrows knitted in deep with my arms unfolding, making him look at me by leaning forward to capture his attention.

What? I mouthed, only to be met with a dismissive glance away. 

He continued the call, giving out all my details while I had to sit there quiet and patient, eventually leading me to open the window as the heat seeped into my skin. 

I heard the call cut shortly after, giving a moments silence between us, all before deciding to break the long given punishment of no communication.

”What do you mean Mia-“ 

“You’re going.” His voice was completely stubborn and low, as if there was no room for disagreement.

”Right, cause my mother will let that-“

”I don’t give a fuck if I have to move Earth to convince her, but I will.”

”But why?”

”I don’t trust you being here while I’m there.”

”Excuse me?” I sat back in shock, close to scoffing at him and laughing at the words, offended by his tone of authority. Yeah, it made me shake just to think that he wasn’t talking to me, but those words and that tone sent me over the edge on the inside.

”You’re excused. Now let me drive.” He opened up the window with a finger pressed down on a button, resting his elbow against the side of the car door and massaging into his temples. I had thought about leaving it and just confronting him when we had reached our house, but I couldn’t help the gutted feeling in my stomach at his words.

”What did you mean when you said that?” I crossed my arms over even tighter than before, sitting with my head against the seat of the car, feet pressed together as I shrunk back: 

He glanced over at me and the sigh he let out was commendable for its audacity, his eyes tracing down my body language.

”You know what I mean. The second he finds out I’m out of town is the second he tries to pounce on you. And you’re not seeing him.” 

“So you’re just flying me out to Miami?” My voice raised in tone, the edge on it making him let out yet another sigh, his mouth closed but the noise still clear as he huffed out air. 

“Stop arguing. Most girls would be pretty fucking happy to go Miami.”

”Yeah, if their boyfriend took them because he wanted them to have fun. Not because of some possessive issues.” The last couple words I said were muffled and mumbled as they came out, but as he whipped his head over to me and looked me up and down, I knew I’d fucked up. 

“Possessive issues?”

”I just meant-“

”I don’t want my woman to be in the presence of her not-fucking-over-her boyfriend and suddenly that’s called possessive issues?” 

“I didn’t mean for you to take it that way Sato-“

”What way then, huh Y/N?” 

My lips parted as my eyes met with his, an overwhelmed expression lingering on my face as I tried to come up with something better to say, attempting to cool down the heightening of his critical tone.

The air between us was thick with a storm brewing up another dispute, and a part of me found it very unluckily ironic that it was right after our first time having sex again. What a great day to remember for 19 year old Y/N, I guess.

”I just meant that… I think you’re overthinking this. If I talk to him, nothing will happen and I will maintain my boundaries. He won’t do any-“ 

“Have you seen the way he looks at you? If I hadn’t been looking at you the same way, I would’ve caught better sight of him and blinded him by now.” His words were laced with an irritation, his free hand reaching for his tie and pulling the ribbon apart, loosening the hold around his neck.

”I just think you’re not trusting me enough.”

”No, I trust you perfectly well. I just don’t trust him.” 

“If you trusted me that well, then you would know I’d never let him cross his limits.” 

“He already crossed them all. Today.”

”He literally just grabbed my ha-“ 

“My hand. That’s my hand.” With the emphasis on how he said it and the graininess that was building up in his voice, I could tell he meant every word of it, deep from his core. 

I couldn’t tell if the car was getting hotter or if it was just from the way blood was rushing through my body, my mind fighting to come up with better responses and defuse this, and yet my body boiling with annoyance. 

It wasn’t that Satoru annoyed me. It was that this whole situation did. Everything that had happened since coming out of that store did. It was problem after problem, building up and I had, had no moment to sort it. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. But Miami? You didn’t have the right to book that for me without a wo-“

”Yes I can.”

”What?” The sharp, quick way I responded out of pure disbelief didn’t seem to register somehow in his mind, my thoughts left dumbfounded and unreciprocated by how authoritative he was acting, his hand gripping the steering wheel like nothing ever before and his tongue pressing against the side of his mouth.

”You heard me. I’m your older brother.” 

“Oh that is so… great. Now you pull out the ‘older brother’ title? You fucked me in the store changing room merely an hour or two ago.” 

The first drops of rain splattered against the window, aiding in pathetic fallacy as I sat up in the seat and fully faced him with my body, my voice on the verge of shouting. 

“You know what’s funny Y/N? You hate that I play the older brother role so much but no one in the world knows we’ve even kissed yet. No one knows that you come for me, night after night after night. And now that fucker thinks he has the right to say shit.”

”So now you want me to tell everyone I fuck my older brother? Is that it? That I get railed into by him?” I could feel the heat spread through my face as the worlds tumbled out of me but there was no stopping now. I was too far in and too fucked to come out of it.

”No, I want you to tell everyone that you are Satoru’s woman. Gojo Satoru’s woman.”

“That’s the same thing.”

“You think I want to be your older fucking brother? To hold you in secret? Love you in private? When all I want to do is touch and kiss you in public?”

My vision blurred as I looked at the light coming off of the cars in front of us, my breath breaking apart a little as I fought the stinging of tears erupting in my eyes, cursing myself internally for being so sensitive. If I had from childhood developed the ability to hold an argument for longer, then no one would’ve ever had the audacity at my schools of calling me a cry baby.

I faced the window, stopping my breaths from reaching the surface and instead breathing low in my chest, trying to mask the noises coming out of me.

The car went silent, and not even curses from Satoru blaming the world could be heard anymore, my mind slipping into repeating thoughts of trying to force myself to stop replaying words that will just make me cry.

It’s not like I want to love you in private, I thought to myself. Even saying the word love in my mind took me back to the first night when he took my virginity, as that was the night I felt my safest with him, or anyone for that matter.

I felt a hand reach over and caress my cheek, my natural instinct being of that to flinch and wipe the spot he touched, glancing down at my fingers in embarrassment and then back up at the road, pretending like it hadn’t even happened.

”Y/N. Talk to me.” 

“I’m fine.” Well, that was embarrassing. From the way my voice fell apart like someone sitting on piano keys and causing a cacophony, it was clear as day that I was merely a few yards before we drove past the threshold of crying. 

“No, you’re not.” I could hear the noises of him leaning forward to get better view of me, causing my body to shift entirely towards the side in a way that left me uncomfortable, the seat belt practically wringing into me. 

“Stop that. Stop turning away.” Though his words were directed and assertive over me, his hands were soft and comforting as he pressed his fingers to my chin, tilting my head back towards him. 

“Look up. At me.” I did as told, and as my eyes met his blue ones, I could feel my heart climbing up my throat and sinking out of my eyes, a confession of fear laced in the tears I let escape from my lids.

”Hey, hey. I’m sorry Y/N. I’m sorry. Don’t cry, baby.” 

“I’m not… I- I’m not crying.” I sobbed up, grabbing his wrist and pushing his hand away from my face; wiping my cheeks down rough with the side of my shirt. 

I didn’t want to look up at him at all in that moment, afraid that all he would see me as was a stupid kid. 

“Hey, what’s wrong? Come on. What was it that I said?” 

“It’s n-nothing.” 

“No, baby it’s something.” The way he said baby was as endearing as he could, his hands not stopping with any turn of the car nor twist as he continued to wipe away my glistening face, clearing my hair out of the way as well. 

“N-no it’s not…” 

I could finally make out the black gates of the mansion, thanking God in my head. I pictured the way I could practically jump out of the car as soon as I could and run up the stairs, hiding in my room, all as soon as I heard him park the car.

I reached down for my phone in my lap and turned it on, checking the time through the blurriness of my vision, my eyes stinging as I felt more ready to return and shame me further for the depth of my emotions.

”I’m going sleep early today.” 

“I’m coming with you.” 

“N-no it’s fine.” 

“No, Y/N. I’m coming with you. And I’m going to hold you in my arms, and kiss you, and we’re going to talk.”

Chapter Text

When I got out of the car, I was met with a cool breeze from the outside, all making me realise that it wasn’t the temperature that was making me feel so hot when I was talking to him.

I glanced down at the concrete on the floor, lining the traces of each brick with my foot and distracting myself, all while I heard his car door click shut, footsteps trailing over to me with his keys jangling in his hand. 

I waited till he reached the front of me, his leather shoes now visible in front of my downward gaze, just stood there and waiting, likely staring at me for some sort of response. I didn’t want to look up because the way his hands were thrust into his pocket and he just waited told me that if I did, I would be met with a gaze that would read me like paper. 

I nodded my head seemingly to anything he could have wanted to propose by waiting there, but mostly just to be able to look back up again at the lit up house and begin to walk inside, all without having to discuss anything on the outside. I took it as a signal that he was ready, ignoring his eyes piercing into me from my peripheral and just beginning to journey forward.

”Stop.” For fucks sake.

I halted in my tracks, but then again would I ever be capable of doing anything else when it was him calling out to me? I was only merely meters away from him, back turned so I couldn’t acknowledge his concerned expression, feet pressed together and shifting as I found a way to fiddle.

The night air was beginning to get cooler as we stood there, delaying any time of being able to get inside. I could hear the street cars from where I stood, slipping by one by one, almost every couple seconds or so. 

“Come back.” I kept my gaze down to my feet like I had been doing the entire time, unable and reluctant to make any sort of eye contact with him. If I could keep it going for as long as possible, then I sure as hell would. 

My feet shifted bit by bit, all until I eventually turned with a 180, making my way gradually towards him, all while listening to the noise of gravel beneath my feet disappear as I found myself back on the concrete.

I could remember days where I used to hold Satoru’s hand boldly, all while skipping on the concrete. He would pick me up when we got to the gravel, and say he didn’t want his pretty girl to end up falling. Then I would hear the noises of trudging below me as he continued to walk firmly on it, not telling me at all that he could feel the little stones pushing upwards into his feet. 

Then there were days when he would carry me up bridal style, all if we had been walking for a long time. He always told me if he ever saw my mother’s furious expression moulded on to her face, he would just say something like I fainted. 

We could lie about it easier then, because they didn’t seem to care. At all. 

I found those leather shoes in front of me again, and I held my breath as I watched his hands slip out of his pocket, the way he was pulling his shirt sleeves up leaving me wondering what he was going to do. 

I don’t know why in that moment I felt so vulnerable in front of him. Maybe it was because of the matter of what we were talking about. We could argue about anyone else or anything else in the world, and me crying in his arms was fine because we could solve it in seconds.

But the strength or continuation of our relationship? I would rather die then to let go of him, and yet the way he confessed his words tonight made it seem like he hated parts of the experience with me. Like when we were in public.

I felt two hands come under my cheeks, and I watched as they made their way up from my downward view. They landed softly, gliding across with his thumb being the main worker on my dried tears, erasing them as if it would erase all of the feelings left inside of me as well. 

I fought back the internal urge to let waterfalls come out of my eyes, my fist clenching at my side to the point of my knuckles turning white, all so I could avoid the need to even more, draining my eyes out into his fingers. I didn’t want him to think that I was a fountain that never stopped. That I was overly emotional.

For a couple seconds we just stood there, my eyes shut and my breathing steadying, all while he touched my face and wiped my hair away from my forehead, massaging into my cheeks with his fingers in a gentle caress, likely his glance down towards me, just watching my response. 

Thoughts had flickered into my mind but they kept on being doused out by his circular motions under my eyes, and the way that he kept on catching each stray tear, just wiping it away for me.

Yes, I couldn’t see anything. But I could feel everything. In that moment when I stood there, and I didn’t even dare to face him, all he could do was to touch me and feel me, and to comfort me in the way he knew best for me. 

Because he always knew the best for me.

I felt my head get tilted upwards, exposing me to a downward breeze coming from the sky, and yet still I couldn’t find the courage to separate my two lids and face his actions.

Two soft lips pressed against mine, his hand large enough to trail down to my neck and hold half of it in place, just leaving circles with his thumb under my ear, at the bone that was present there.

I opened my mouth with a shaking jaw, and yet he pulled back for a second and closed it for me, preventing me from being able to accept his tongue. 

“Your jaw is shaking. Not today.”

I was going to respond when he kept on peppering down the slow, long kisses on my lip, never once fulfilling his urge to go in between them, which I knew he had dearly. Instead he just continued to provide the affection down on the lower half of my face,  sinking warmth into my soul.

My fingers trailed up the hand that was latched around my neck, pressing into it and feeling along, as my body grew stronger with the desire to seek out his acceptance and fall into him. And yet I had to come to terms with the idea that I didn’t have to seek anything out, and that after all he would always let me in. 

His hands slid down to my waist, not missing any mark along the way down my body, coiling around me like a rope and lifting me up, almost off my feet, making me tiptoe to hold him tight by his neck and support myself on him. Then it all came out.

I could hear the wails into his shoulder, not knowing anything but to sink my face deeper into it and grip hard on his shirt, pressing myself up against him and taking in the home-like scent of his cologne. 

He met the pouring out of my emotions with the movements of his hand, penetrating my shirt to slide his palm up my bare back and leave taps and caresses at the back of my chest. 

I kept reaching up for him, knowing nothing but to hide myself and my emotions deep into his chest as much as I could, as if the moment that I came out of that would be the second I would have to accept them into reality, and come to confront them.

Meanwhile, he gave me all the time I needed, his head resting down on my own shoulder as he laid kisses on the outline of it, his eyebrows close to knitting together with pure care for me and my feelings, doing anything he could think of from the present and past to seemingly deliver more love to me.

”Cry, baby. Cry.” It was almost symbolic, the words that he was saying to me over and over again. In my old schools, they would call me cry baby. But here? He told me to cry, baby. And so I did. I could’ve sworn with every clutch, he was forced to come back down to my height, as if I was scared he would stand tall again and I wouldn’t be able to feel the warmth of his neck anymore, the familiar space able to keep me stable.

”I’m here… It’s okay.” 

As time passed on and I continued to let out both whimpers and sharp intakes of air, he continued to pat down on my back and hold me, encouraging me to take in deep breaths.

His hands hooked under my thighs like usual, and all of a sudden I was lifted on the ground in just a second, barely using up any of his strength as he carried me, tilting his head around to locate any sort of bench to sit me down on.

His movements were slower, as if he was trying to coax me into sleep as well, my overwhelmed state draining out as I began to become more silent, every now and then squeezing into him like he would disappear. At those moments, he continued to rock me back and forth in his arms, a hand placed on my lower back to prevent me falling backwards, circling motions to yet again keep me okay.

It was becoming late night, and from the way I didn’t stop for almost 15 minutes, I was beginning to become tired of myself more than anything. I sat up eventually from laying on hie shoulder, finding the strength for him to be able to see my face in this way, rubbing down my cheeks with my shirt and making sure my eyes became completely dry, sniffling alongside the harsh motions.

He immediately stopped me, grabbing both my wrists and shaking his head at me in an affectionate manner, reaching into his pocket while wiping away my face with gentle motions, pulling out a tissue and dabbing it down on my skin.

He continued to do so until my face didn’t feel like it was damp anymore, holding the back of my head in his hand as he pressed the tissue against my nose, waiting for me to blow. I did so, and although it was a moment that would’ve made most feel ashamed, he did it in such a manner where it was seamless, and I only ended up feeling the relief of my nose not being clogged anymore.

I reached out for the tissue, not wanting him to hold it anymore for all of its disgustingness, but he paused me and let out a single “It’s okay.”, making me focus on myself all while he got up with a hand wrapped under my legs, carrying me on his side while I held on tight, watching as he threw the tissue into a bin and then properly placed me in the centre in front of him, both legs on either side and my face the only thing he could see.

We made eye contact for a second and I was faced with those unique blues, forced to turn away and glance down at his exposed collarbone, his tie still loose from the way he pulled it apart in the car. 

“That’s not nice.” His tone was almost scolding like talking to a child, but even then I could notice the hint of teasing that traced his words, like always.

”What isn’t?” 

“My girl isn’t looking at me.” 

“She doesn’t want to.”

“Why? Am I ugly to her now?” He gasped, doing anything to trigger a small smile on my face, something that could make me look anything but how I have for the past 2 hours or so with him. 

“N-no.” I responded, removing my face from his gaze by resting my head on his shoulder again, facing his neck and breathing in his cologne while not letting go of him at any point. 

“Then?” 

“She… feels embarrassed.” 

“Of?” We began to make our way to the door, his pace not one to hurry, all as I felt the porch light become stronger with every gradual step. 

“Crying… like that.” I felt him let out a breath of humour, adjusting me in his hold so that I was closer to him. 

“Can you tell her that I’ve seen her cry multiple times before?”

”She knows.” I whispered slightly, my voice becoming lower.

”Then?” 

“She just feels more scared this time.” 

“About?” His voice seemed to become more quietened down to match my responses, all while sounding more curious than ever.

”Losing you. Because she loves you silently… and you don’t want that.” 

He halted in his tracks, and I gulped down the pit of misery that was lingering in my throat as the words came out, painting them in a vulnerable, saddened tone. 

My grip on him loosened a little, my body wanting nothing more than to run away from the situation again, all before feeling him press me tighter against him.

He found my eyes again, and I watched as he gulped again, his expression one of sorrow and regret, all that I couldn’t decipher what exactly over.

”Is this over what I said in the car?”

”Y-you aren’t happy…” 

“No. I am… Baby, you make me so happy. I love you, and that doesn’t change whether it’s public or private. It has always been a fact. I… I just meant that I would be happier loving you in public, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy regardless. And… I do love being someone to you.” 

“But wouldn’t you be happier with a woman that could love you in public? Maybe that’s what you nee-“ I felt a finger press hard against my lip, preventing me from finishing my sentence and instead keeping me there in place, silent to listen to him.

”I don’t want love with anyone else. I only care about it now because I have it with you. You.” 

“And I’ll be damned as fuck, if you think of separating me from you again. That’s not how it will work, Y/N.” 

Chapter Text

If you would’ve told me on the start of that day that while I was getting ready to go to the mall for a peace of mind, I would’ve ended up by the next day being awoken at 11AM with my bag fully packed by Satoru himself to get me up and going for a trip to Miami that I hadn’t signed up for, I would’ve genuinely thought I smoked weed for the first time and fell under an acid trip. A bad one.

He was at the foot of my bed, shuffling across the floor in his jeans and shirt, grabbing my by my foot every now and then and lightly shaking it, taunting me just to be met with several groans.

”Come on, or I’ll send you all these photos from Miami and you’ll wish you were there with me.” Although his tone was one quite persuasive, there was nothing that he could do to easily shake off the sleep in my eyes, and in the end it took at least a good 20 minutes before he had me sat up, pulling my previously worn dress off of me, the door locked shut as he customised me like a doll.

”Look, I just need you to wash your face, okay?” He grabbed my face from under my chin with his hand, lightly squeezing enough to entice another groan from me, at least letting him know I was back down to planet Earth.

“Wait…” As I began to finally catch proper senses of my surroundings, I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes with vigour and sought out Satoru, his awaiting position at the far side of the room, ready for me to speak.

”Hmm?” He prodded on, folding my bikinis and stashing them in.

”How did you get my mother’s permission?”

”Easy. You’re going there for academic and work purposes, to build up for your qualifications. I will teach you the ways of business, and you can write down all the things we did together on that list. Plus, with your final exams coming up so soon, she won’t think of saying no if she knows it will act as a backup.”

I sat there dazed for a good chunk of time, finally letting a sigh out of my mouth and nodding at him, accepting my fate.

”You have been studying, right?” The question left me swallowing in my throat, glancing down at my fingers and then my luggage, nodding my head again.

”Because if not, you know I’ll force you to with me in Miami, right?” I tilted my head back up at him, my eyes one of reluctance of his words as I shook my head with passion, watching as a smile grew on his face with my movements and formed into an escaped laugh.

”So you’ll be my good girl and you’ll keep your head in that book when we come back.” He began to slowly make his way over to me across the white marble floor, all until he was directly in front of me and I had to crane my head up to meet his face, my eyes fixated on his features. 

“Because if you do keep your head in that book…” My arms came back behind me as a support as he made me lean backward from his body coming down on top of me, my elbows acting as a balance while I reclined back.

His face was so close I could feel the breath coming out of him and landing on my upper lip, our eyes having no choice but to meet in such close circumstances where I wasn’t able to avoid it. 

“Then I’ll keep my head… in between those legs.” I felt my body twitch a little as a finger of his pressed against my clothed slit, a subtle reminder of the things he was capable of doing to me. 

“Look at that.” Not knowing what he was talking about, I felt the stutters come out of my mouth as I inquired what he meant.

”H-huh? Look at what?” 

“That thick blush on your cheeks. The one that pops up every time I come even close to you. Like a sensor that I’m around.” I don’t know what was more annoying. How incredibly right he was about what he was saying or how cocky he sounded when he said it, his voice laced with confidence and sounding like a psychic at a funfair. 

I reached out with one of my hands, sitting up to support myself since my elbow would be gone from balancing me. getting ready to deliver a smack to his chest. His hand came down on mine before I could do anything, curling around my wrist and pulling me closer, all until our lips were pressed and I could feel the smirk on his face, his satisfaction from being able to sit around and play with me. 

I pulled back as much as I could, although under Satoru’s grip, that was one of the hardest things anything could attempt to do. 

“Stop teasing me so early in the morning…” I whined, a deep look of frustration appearing on my face as I crossed my arms over, turning my face away from him.

He did nothing but sit there and stare at my face, fixing my hair and pinching my cheek lightly as a show of affection, causing me to  respond with a long noise of disapproval. Even when he was admiring me like this, it was so hard to be mad at him, or feel anything negative towards him. 

”Alright my bed-headed, tantrum throwing, lazing, affection hating….” As the words kept on going on a list, my neck came to slowly turn my head for my eyes to sinisterly meet with his, pure annoyance laced in my expression, my hand clutching the pillow behind me as he proceeded fearlessly, prodding a lioness that was already disturbed. “Bed loving, miami avoiding, study ignoring, Satoru adoring… and Satoru detesting woman. Will you get up now and wash your face? Or will I have to make you chase after me with that pillow into the bathroom?”  

My face was washed and fully moisturised by the time of 12PM in the morning, my hands fiddling to shut my luggage as I was met with Satoru’s pressuring gaze, his watch ticking with an uncannily loud noise as if to subconsciously worry me.

“Okay. Fine. I’m done.”

The airport was crowded, and Satoru ordered that I wore sunglasses with a thick hoodie on top, joggers to cover my body and my face covered in a mask. It wasn’t his overprotectiveness in that sense this time, but one of the inescapable perks of being a teenage superstar, fated into a powerful family. 

It was my first time going on a holiday with Satoru since meeting him 2 years before, and despite the heat coursing through me mingled with sweat over all the fabric that I was practically shrouded in, nothing could seem to get rid of the way my muscles twitched to smile at the thought.

”You must love the idea of going on a holiday with me.” I nudged him in his stomach with my elbow, peering up at him through my sunglasses, watching as he looked down at me with faux disgust, just like we used to when we were younger.

”Don’t push it. Or you’ll be talking out of the inside of my luggage for the rest of this flight.” Just the thought left me fixing my posture, standing straight to show him I was unbothered, only to be met by another glance that showed he read me like a book, amused by my movements.

I felt a little out of place in comparison to everyone else, surprised that Satoru felt confident enough in himself to go out with his face fully uncovered and a grey suit on, the paparazzi ogling at him from a barrier kept distance, begging for just a tilt of his head towards the cameras.

Meanwhile, he didn’t let me live. Here I was in what could’ve been a stylish hazmat suit, cursing him internally for how his plan did seem to work, and no one even seemed to bat an eyelid at me.

”So… paparazzi don’t care what covered women you’re seen with?” 

His palm wrapped around my elbow as he gently guided me along in the faster line with one hand, his other tugging along all 3 of our luggages. 

“Just call me a man-whore at that point, Y/N.” His tone was teasing and playful, messing with me like he always did just to make me react in all the ways he wanted. 

“If I did, you’d probably make me regret it.”

”Yes, I would.” 

“So I won’t…” 

“Smart choice.” 

We finally got to the front of the line, and I observed in admiration as he pulled out both of our tickets, showing them to the kind woman at the desk who passed on smiles to us, placing my passport beside his and opening it up.

She analysed them for merely seconds before recording the data on to the system, single beeps indicating that we were fine to go on forward and a gesture of her wrist towards the gate confirming so. 

“Thank you.” I said, using as polite a tone as I could, waddling behind Satoru as he continued to move forward, my mind not thinking for itself as I let him navigate for the both of us.

”Cute.” His fingers intertwined with my own and I felt the rough surface contrast to my own soft skin, and yet I hold on to them tightly, appreciating that he was taking full control and letting me relax my thoughts. 

“What is?” He glanced down at me as if I was the slowest creature on Earth, exempt to catching any social cues. 

“You, Einstein.” The emphasis on the great scientist’s name as well as the derogatory tone was overweighed by the thought that Satoru had offered me a compliment out of nowhere, when I hadn’t even known what I had done.

”Cute for what?” He tilted his head back and pointed behind us with a lift of his chin, making me catch glimpse again of the woman who let us through.

”For having manners. I always feel like patting you on your hand when you’re all smiley and sweet.” I let out a small giggle as he said so, feeling like I was back to being 17 again. I gripped on to his hand even tighter, further interlocking my arm with his as I came closer.

”But then you swear more than most grown men I know, and I always feel like flicking your forehead.” I knew he added that little snippet in for me to retreat back from my affectionate actions, never letting go of some form of moment to mock me or personally pick out things he knows will rile me up.

I had made attempts to loosen my grip but it was too late, and he was adamant on not letting me, noises of disapproval and stubbornness leaving him every time I pulled my arm back.

”That’s not true. You swear more than me.” 

“Honey, keep up. I said most.” 

After waiting at the gate for what only felt like a couple minutes, we were boarded on and it had only struck me then that I was now able to question why we didn’t aim for something more expensive. Yes, I felt like a queen in doing so and I don’t mean in the empowering girls kind of way. I meant the bug juice in lipstick, bath a month way. 

“Hang on. Why not just take a private jet? You have so many of those.” I enquired, stood behind Satoru as yet another person checked our boarding passes, heaps of people sliding past us and lifting up their luggage’s high into the overhead compartments.

”Because…” For a second he went silent as he flicked through my passport, reading out my details and cross checking them with that written on an information sheet he had with him, all before handing it to the air hosts and nodding his head in satisfaction, grabbing my hand and making his way in with me. 

“I don’t usually take private jets when I’m going somewhere alone unless it’s a very high level importance business deal, or my father is coming with me. I prefer that there’s different people in publicly shared planes.” 

For a second, I felt a sense of proudness for what he had said, my eyes fixated on him with interest as he grabbed my luggage from me and tossed it like nothing into the compartment, slipping inside for the window seat and then situating me next to him, doing my own seatbelt before his.

“And… I also don’t like reminders in my face every second that I come from a rich background. I’m already using my privilege for good but, being rich still has the underlying tone of making you feel like you’re working for the illuminati… when really you don’t even know if anyone works above you at all.” And that’s the Satoru I knew. The one that was always on top. 

With the click of my seatbelt, he finally leant back and did his own, my hands coming up to finally tear the sunglasses from my face and rub my eyes, a yawn coming out of me as a natural response. Then came down my hoodie from keeping my bundles of hair locked away, and I watched as it cascaded down my sides, free from its holds.

”Finally.” I expressed, slouching back in my seat.

That’s when we heard it. And the fate of our flight was decided. 

A cry sounded from near us and Satoru and I found the sight at the same time, exchanging glances momentarily before watching the spectacle as a woman exhaustedly cradled her child to her chest, rhythmically raising it up and down against her. The noises didn’t stop however, and I never was one to get heavily affected by children crying, especially considering before I moved I used to babysit a lot, but this? The child was practically shrieking. 

Then we saw a man come out from the seat beside the mother, reaching out for the child and I immediately noted that must’ve been the father, clear from the way they both had the same eyes and straight lips.

“Hand her to me Annabelle.” He offered, and I watched as his child stopped crying in his arms almost instantaneously with the exchange, giving me a sense of faith for fatherhood… especially considering the lack of experience I held over it myself.

Then a little girl popped up beside me and I had to fight against my body’s reflexive needs to flinch, instead twitching a warm smile towards her, to which she responded with a much unexpected salute.

I shot a quick look of intrigue towards Satoru, and out of my peripheral I could see him hide the urge to laugh at me, facing the window with his hand pressed against the side of his face to stop the movements of his mouth from curdling into another grin. 

I met her powerful move of not-being-basic with my own salute, and yet when my hand made contact with my head I could’ve sworn I nearly concussed myself from the sheer force I used, praying to God and hoping that Satoru didn’t catch any sight of that. 

She was about to sit next to me and I shuffled in my seat closer to Satoru in order to offer her some space, when suddenly I helplessly observed as she was practically yanked out of her seat by her mother, the poor woman with bags under her eyes darker than the displays on the Burj Khalifa at night catching my eye, opening her mouth as though feeling she had to explain herself, awkwardly laughing to me. 

“She’s better off sat next to me. She doesn’t eat well alone on flights.” 

“Of course, of course. You’re her mother, you do as you please. Honestly, you know best.” I reassured, practically about to fall out of my seat from leaning, the passion in me to not leave her feeling uncomfortable yanked back literally, Satoru’s grip on the back of my hoodie enough to tell me that it was okay and I was allowed to relax.

As he did so, I felt another wind of heat rise over my body and couldn’t fight the urge anymore, facing in front of me as I grabbed the bottom of my hoodie, slipping my fingers underneath in a hooked position before pulling the fabric over my head, slow as I felt myself get caught on a bit. 

Then I felt someone’s hand press down on my stomach, yanking my shirt down before it exposed me any further and revealed my black lace bra, allowing me to pull off my hoodie with force. I found Satoru’s possessiveness cute, and I was going to tell him so when I was finally able to see the world around me again with the fabric on top of my head, I turned. Only to have my expression frozen at the sight of the husband now sat next to me as a substitute for the empty spot left by the kid, offering me an awkward box smile at my invasive display. 

I then let my head turn with passing time until I was facing Satoru with a face laced with embarrassment and somehow I had been turned quiet for once, his hand still pressing down on my stomach as he met eyes with me, still recovering. 

“Put… put your hoodie on my lap… I’ll hold it.” It was rare to catch Satoru repeating words, or stuttering at all. 

Chapter Text

It had slipped out of my mind before I could grasp it that the woman would have to replace who was sitting at the kid’s spot if she had just snatched her and left an empty seat, and as I glanced across the aisles subtly, true as ever there the child was beside her mother, where the man was sat previously and now banished.

For the majority of the flight, I didn’t get a moments peace, both from the man and from Satoru. 

It all started from one seatbelt. 

Chest rising ever so slightly as I was pressed back against the seat, I felt the world slip past me as I pondered, leaning towards Satoru as he fixated on what was out of the window, unable to see his lover’s inability to even keep her two eyes open in her lack of sleep.

”Um, excuse me?” The man’s wavering voice came from beside me and I recognised his lack of skills in speaking, in my head a drawing of a mini-me shaking it’s head and repeating ‘introvert’ over and over again playing, only to distract me from responding to the man at hand. 

I realised I was sat there like an idiot, not saying anything and so I cleared my throat, nodding my head at him to assure that I really did hear him, pressing him on to continue whatever he was going to ask.

”Yes?” 

As if planned in his mind, his expression dramatically faltered to one of melancholy, his focus situated at his lap. 

My eyes followed down with him, helpless at how dramatic his acting was to entice me, all for me to see that his seatbelt in particular was loose in comparison to mine and Satoru.

“Please… it’s giving me bad flight anxiety that this isn’t tied.” The rest of his words rang out in my head, and it didn’t matter much because they would’ve just been a continuous repeat of what was already said, worded in multiple manners to persuade the different sympathetic parts of me. 

I felt a squeeze on my hand and turned, receiving proper contact from Satoru since the way he yanked down my shirt to protect me as I sat there aloof. 

“What?” He asked at a lower voice, leaning in close to me and waiting for me to respond quietly in an equally close to silence manner, his attention likely just gained from zoning back in to hear me talking to the man. 

“He wants me to… adjust his seatbe-“

I listened to the click as Satoru sprang up from where he was sat, towering over both the man and me, and before I could come up with a reply in time to stop him I swore my jaw was locked shut. To be truthful I didn’t want to do anything with the man, and so yet again Satoru was my knight in shining armour.

He shifted past me and I pulled back to avoid my knees clashing with his legs, letting him slip through until he bent down to the man’s height in between the aisles, noises of chatter erupting as everyone caught sight of him practically babying the older man. I doubt he would’ve realised the way it looked so I tried to avoid acknowledging it, knowing I would just be left gulping again and scolding him when he had good intent.

”You have to pull this strap next time you’re on a flight, after pulling up this metal part.” He finished explaining, and the husband offered him a satisfactory thumbs up, the same box smile plastered on his face as Satoru finally retreated back to his height, clearing his throat and shuffling back to me. 

By the time he was sat down again, he undid my own seatbelt and encouraged me to lean or sleep against him, letting me know that anyone the flight was able to walk around now and get what they wanted.

I didn’t opt for all of that other stuff instead and instead pulled his arm towards me, grabbing his attention like nothing ever before, all as I pulled up the seat arm and pressed myself up against him, resting my entire body weight against his side with my head pressed against his bicep and my eyes closed.

”Good girl. You didn’t sleep right? So sleep now.” He supported further, patting down with his hand on the upper part of my thigh and finding a comfortable position to rest his own head on top of mine, using me as much as I used him to be able to gladly sleep on. 

Unbeknownst to me, many things would happen during that time. 

Satoru informed me, and so I figure I should inform you.

As I lay there like an unaware and knocked out tortoise, snoring for the hell of it and gripping on to his arm, he felt pins and needle spread across his body but dealt with the feeling to be able to see the peaceful look on my face, every once in a while laying a kiss on my forehead and hoping I’ll feel it in a dream.

And yet he felt like conducting an entire detective’s investigation, bothered by the way the man beside us’ eyes seemed to lingered like nothing before, once on a while landing on the way my legs were strewn out or picked up. Satoru couldn’t decipher his intent and so just kept an eye out, the man careless to his piercing gaze and instead falling further into his own burden.

Then it became worse. 

The man would end up getting up and leaning over towards the child and the mother in the seat, his antics back to being focused on saving his family again from the ruins of not being able to sleep, attempting to get the baby to calm down to such a long duration that it would naturally want to snooze. 

This however proved to have further side effects for me as claimed by Satoru, as this man would then end up thrusting his backside into my face as he turned and faced the woman, Satoru’s hand coming up beside my head as he tutted and shielded me, ready to gently give the man a push on his lower back whenever too close and watch him tumbling through the columns of seats.

He claimed it took a lot to hold him back from doing so, and he even ended up opening his mouth at one point to say “Hello, you keep almost bumping into my girl.” But he bit back his tongue as the man turned back around again and the danger was free, leaving me safe again from the presence of ass. 

After a while of me sleeping against Satoru and clinging to him like a strong-gripped Koala, his eyes drifted down to my exposed arms and the way I began to shiver against him, the air con for some reason getting intense as we began to reach halfway through the flight. 

“Ah, shit.” He let out under his breath, a hand coming down on my head to gently caress the hair there, aiming to offer me reassurance as his eyes scouted around the busy plane, searching for an air hostess that could be free.

When their eyes locked, he extended his free hand up and caught her attention over, grabbing my arm with his practically burning wrist as he checked the temperature of my skin there, tutting as he felt like he was touching an ice pack. 

The woman had successfully reached us through the crowds of problems and issues to solve, Satoru claiming the collar of her shirt was up, that’s how focused she was just got on getting through people’s needs. Her bottom lip shaking out of repetition the whole day, she plastered on that ad commercial air hostess smile and worked through the pain, her script coming into work.

”Hi, I’m Jenny. How could I help you for this flight?” The manner was robotic, reflective of all the nights she must have spent sat up and practicing, following along to a manual. 

Couple that with the amount of journeys in the sky she has had to deal with since, and it was a no-brainer to Satoru how someone could come to be so devoid of emotion and yet carry more tone than the normal person.

”I need a blanket, if you wouldn’t mind.” He responded, his hand continuing to squeeze down on my wrist as a subtle reminder of how chilled my skin was to touch, burdened by the fresh breeze coming out of the contraptions above us.

”Anything… else… Sir?” 

I would like to consider myself a pacifist. To some extent. Yes, I did get frustrated like any other person and yes I did sometimes… get up and smack them if it was unbearable. But there regardless remains a difference between me and the average Joe, which I like to see as a strength, and that is the fact that I also tend to be more unbothered than other people.

Take this as an example to showcase my passion for peace. 

When I was merely 9 years old, the boy that I fancied heavily at the time for how he was the fastest runner in our class, was receiving notes written with scrawny hearts to the side from someone else in our maths class. 

I could’ve responded by grabbing her by her butterfly hair band adorned pigtails, and dragged her by them till we reached a slide so I could shove her in and trap her there, but I let the slightly psychotic thoughts in my mind remain there and prevented this series single-handedly from containing the ‘murder’ tag 

Or take another example, like when I placed second in my english test during my lower teenager years, and the person who placed above me read through my notes and studied hard with my lovely handwriting as the saviour. I wanted to shove that boy into a sandwich maker and smell the sizzling, because then at least I would be able to say ‘I ate that!’ in some positive praiseworthy regard.

Albeit the slight contrast of the situations I gave previously, I could put my hand on my heart and say that I have cooled down from being a heater to being a fan over the years that passed since. if there is hot air, I blow hot air. If there is cold air, I blow cold air.

So when Satoru told me this woman leaned forward, over the husband who widened his eyes at a display he did not want to see so much so he closed his eyes, her shamelessness aiming to expose herself in front of both of them, I had to sit there and count to ten in my mind searching for a cognitive saviour.

She batted her eyes like a feline attempting to mate in heat, eyeing down my man like he was a piece of meat, using her pretty privilege disappointedly when she had far more qualitative assets, expression attempting to be seductive and then finally she hit the mark that made me scoff to myself. It always has to be the dialogue.

”You know… there’s blankets in the back… but they’re high up. I’d appreciate if you came and helped me… Sir.” 

Satoru’s face curled without meaning to into a form of disgust, his eyes unable to meet with hers anymore out of fear that he may say the things on his mind that aren’t quite nice. He cleared his throat, buying himself a split second of time to be able to respond in a mature manner, although the hidden 19 year old version of him was fighting to crawl out and slut-shame her.

”You know that… the woman on my arm. She’s my woman, right?” While saying so, he tilted my head up and grabbed my chin in between his hands, unknowingly squishing my cheeks together as he displayed my knocked out face to the air hostess, a smile slithering across her cheeks as she hid the need to burst out in laughs. 

“I… am just saying Sir. If you would like a blanket from the back, I could get you a nice and warm blanket. To distract you from… that cold.” 

See, when he told me this part I wanted to turn my ass back around and march into that plane, grab her by her two dollar eyelashes and rip them off simultaneously, shoving them into her mouth and expressing how at least my ‘cold’ isn’t fake. 

But, I faced growth over the years. So Satoru, my love, did it for me.

”And I’m saying that… this cold… is much more preferable than having you stand here and not actually get me the blanket I want. Instead you’re offering me a tacky, used one. Am I right?” The woman’s grin slipped off her face with each word as she realised where this was headed, her mouth parting with an ashamed expression as she glanced around, keeping check of who was paying  attention before attempting to interrupt.

”No. Let me finish. This cold? The one you think you know you’re talking about? It’s actually really warm and cozy, you know? And when I stick myself inside of it, it blankets me. And that’s the only blanket I need. So I retract my statement about needing a blanket from you. And I’ll make sure your lovely work friends know all about the blanket you distribute out as charity.”

The woman gave up and brought a hand to her bundle of slicked back hair, caressing it as if seeking out something to help her recover from those burns, all before the click clack of her heels could be heard escaping from the situation she had trapped herself in, the noises getting further away and quicker with each step. 

“Is… Is that your wife?” Satoru met the curious look of the man sat beside both of us, drifting his gaze downwards after as he thought to himself for a moment, all before sucking in the air as if taking up a new reality and nodding his head, his arm snaking it’s way around the back of my shoulders and assuringly grabbing on to as much of me as he could.

”Yeah. She is.” 

“It’s commendable… the way you stood up for her.” 

“Don’t all husbands do that?” 

He watched the man gulp as his wife’s laser eyes burst into his skin, placing both of them into a very tense game of who starts the argument first, and so he knew since he was the one to start things he had to also be the first to dissolve them.

”But… but of course it can be hard sometimes… I guess…” 

“No love, you did the right thing.” The woman acknowledged with praise laced in her tone, rocking her baby back and forth as she continued to speak over the gap between the seats.

”Some men are just more men than others over their women.” 

“Oh come on, you’re acting like men can’t make mistakes.” The husband retorted quietly, slumping back into his chair at the sudden call out as a frown knotted its way across his mouth.

”Men do mistakes, but this young gentleman? He keeps his wife out of it.” 

“Yeah well I doubt he’s perfect, right?” The man glanced back at Satoru and as he faced completely away from his wife, he begged with his expression of kneaded brows and the word ‘please’ repeated over and over again across his lips, but Satoru didn’t need all of that for the truth delivered behind his next response.

”Your husband’s right. There are many wrongs that I did with this girl, that I regret to my core like nothing else. It makes me stay up at night, and if it doesn’t, it’s only because I’m holding her and that feeling takes over my mind instead.”

”But I’ll spend the rest of my life doing for her the right things instead.” 

Chapter Text

Waves of heat spread through me and yet somehow it was like nothing I had experienced before. The gusts of wind and the bright light that shone through the cracks of the glistening window made their way on to the slits of my skin showing through my clothing, bathing me in a loving embrace of warmth.

I could hear the repetitive sounds of the fan rotate around the room as the slightly cooler breeze left me with every couple seconds, circulating between me and Satoru.

Although my eyes weren’t open, I could make out the silhoutte of him, darker than the rest of the red in my vision, a stretch of my mouth into a smile as I felt amused by how he just stood there and watched me.

”Gonna keep staring?” I ridiculed, turning over to feel the spread of sheets underneath me crease together, my stomach flat against the satin as my back faced him, exposed.

A dip in the bed startled me, making me kiss my teeth and shuffle my way upwards to the pillow, all before I felt two hands grab at me like a predator and pin me down in place, flipping me over so I was facing him with a giggle slipping out of my lips. 

“You want me to stop?” His head dipped down in between my neck and shoulder, delivering tickles to the side of my sensitive skin as he whispered the sweet words deep into my ear, just the way he knew could spark something in me.

”Hey… quit that…” I couldn’t help but to recoil, my head turning to the side as his breath landed on my skin and spread sensations through me, a single disapproving groan coming out of him in attempts to distill my actions. 

“How can I? You’re like marijuana, sweetheart.” Soft lips rained kisses down behind my earlobe, painting my skin with love as he kept on going, not succumbing to my clashing yells. 

There was one thing he was right about and it was that when I was with him, no force could separate us. The way we worked clicked, and at the end of the day it was only the two of us left, even when everyone else was gone. Two minds, one soul.

The ring of his phone distracted me from drowning in his cologne, the seductiveness of the moment shattered by the rhythmic vibrations that spread next to the both of us, a green button flashing on his screen. 

I could feel the reluctance as he deviated from his own animal-like desires, pulling back with effort to glance back down at me and save the picture of me in his mind, all before leaning to the side and collecting his phone in his hand, a single ding sounding as he answered.

”This had better be worth it.” The words slipped out of his lips laced with disappointment, and judging by the expression that left him straight faced, I could tell he was overshooting the possibilities and that nothing could have ever been worth it, more than this moment.

His eyes closed simultaneously with his frustrated exhale of breath, his free hand crawling up from his side to massage his temples. I impulsively extended my hand to the slit under his white shirt, feeling my way up the set of muscles that lined his abs, the heat of his body far more than that which Miami could even begin to muster.

After a couple more seconds of massaging his temples, he finally gave up with the attempt of cooling down in that manner, instead choosing to trace my curious set of fingers and hike them up further, till the point of where my arm was fully inside of his clothing.

“Tell him our hotel address. I can come meet him in the lobby. This isn’t big enough a deal for me to travel that far for him.” 

I had a sudden idea, and one that normally I wouldn’t contend for. You see, the thing about me is typically I don’t like to disturb people, but Satoru? He teased me anyways. It was only fair play between the two of us in this game of cat and mouse. I guess it’s my turn to meow. 

I began to slip my fingers down, friction between his resisting hand and my own playful one as I kept on going, his gaze down at me as he spoke still unaware of the malicious intent behind my plan.

”If my father has assigned it to me, then you should be running it through my team by now. I sent the files a week ago.” 

I kept my eyes on him, hooked to the way he pierced that look down at me, his glance shifting from each part of my body as he studied it, yet somehow still devoid of that awareness.

“Check through my assistant.” He bluntly ordered, a voice laced with confidence and irritation towards other people’s incompetence.

That’s my Satoru. And they gave this ego-powered boy a throne. 

I felt the tip of my fingers slip past his waistband, and that’s when he finally let his head face my mischevious wrist, trying with vigour to shift away from me, but it was too late. 

First his base, and then the length… It was slow at first, and enough to make him ask for the person on the other end of the line to repeat his words, believing he’ll be able to listen better if he hears them a second time. Then when I reached the end of the length? His veins came through to put on a show, flaunting themselves as he kept a firm grip on what he could of my arm, fighting back the urge to yank it all out.

He gave me those eyes that screamed ‘Just wait’ more than anything, and for once as my heart began to ran like a treadmill pushed past it’s limit, I didn’t feel fear but the rush of excitement mixed with the thrill of temptation. 

But there was no better feeling than the way he seemed to swell up in my hands, hardening by the second and throbbing for me to do something about it, begging for some sort of comfort and relief. It completely contrasted the way he tried to display himself to me, a man who could hold himself together even when inside of his pants was a beast begging for its release. 

I was too far ahead, and there was no going back. With Satoru, if you played a card you had to live out the consequence, and the way he locked this moment into his mind with narrow slits of his eyes, trapped pleasure and hints of desperation pouring out, I knew there was no escaping the prophecy written for me by my own lewd actions. 

But for once in my life? It felt good to be the one in control. Even for a second, 

“Shift them out of those offices and bring them to the Singaporean… ones…” I watched his jaw tighten with each tug I gave, delving him into a sadist side of me that he hadn’t uncovered yet. And yet he hadn’t even touched the surface. 

As I listened to his call, I noticed he was nearing the end of it by the changes in their tones and the bringing up of things they would do for future reference, and as the time drew closer for my presumed punishment, I finally became sensitive to the neatly kept outcome that was waiting for me. Even when his words were still formed together, and his ability to keep himself intact still thriving, with each word came the tinge of determination that was directed towards me, his hand still clasped around my small wrist.

Maybe I was made to be a mouse.

Chapter Text

My sandals echoed down the hallways as gold lined walls surrounded me, smells of perfumes that could’ve led the direction towards Arabia pleasuring my senses, leaving me skipping down as I made an inconsiderate amount of noise.

But who cared? There was no one for miles anyways. Anywhere I discovered was practically barren of people all except for hard workers and the occasional grown man taking a phone call. 

It was clear from the start that this wasn’t the place for large families, or a young girl like me. But then again, I wanted to see the sort of experience CEO’s lived. Even if it meant everyone stared at me like I was a lost rabbit, hopping around into a hunter’s territory. 

I took a turn in the hallway and ended up with my mind captured by a single ajar doorway at the end, nothing but light visible coming out of it as if it lead to Heaven itself. My legs became stiff as I began to slow my careless movements around the place, glancing around to see if any souls were around before pacing my way along. With each step, my eyes were able to make out the outline of each of the objects in there, all up until I felt my entire body freeze as I landed directly under the doorway, my mind piecing it all together.

I was at a bar. A bar filled with grown, rich men.

Growing up, I had my fair share of men who would glance over at me while taking deep puffs of their cigarettes and then cough it all out, just to blow sloppy kisses out towards me. I would then secretly in the confines of my mind wish for the carcinogens in their tobacco to bless them with a visit.

And when I was 17 till 19? I’d have to hold Yuuta’s hand because I was scared for once someone might jolt the pacifist out of him and unlock a hiding karate hero, judging by the mere look on his face like coming across spoiled milk, all because my body was being scanned like it was a sheet on a photocopier.

But here? If I wasn’t conscious, I would’ve been a case hidden by police. 

I gulped down the terror that struck up my throat and threatened to choke me, my instincts as a woman leading to nothing but Satoru’s name in my mind. 

But what did I do? 

Stand there like an idiot and wait for someone to say something, to break the painful silence of them all ogling at me like I was a doggy treat. 

“Your mom lets you wear shirts like that?” I felt myself flinch as a breath landed on the back of my neck, and I could’ve sworn judging by the stinging goosebumps that slid up my torso that someone’s hand slyly and softly struck across it, but when I swiftly turned around I was met with a much more frightening sight. 

Mr Fushiguro, in the flesh. 

I swallowed down a lump in my throat at the sight of him, a twinkle in his pupils and the biting of his lips as if he struck liquid gold at the sight of me, blood flushing against my cheeks as I fixed my hair behind my ears, proceeding to place my hand latched around the side of my arm in discomfort.

”She doesn’t care.” I mumbled, although as I felt an invisible force cause me to face down at my stomach, I noticed how much my shirt rode up from running away from Satoru as a joke, something that I didn’t have the thought to fix.

”She’s relaxed? That’s nice. Sometimes girls should let loose and you know, show a little skin.” The perverse thoughts that I knew were trailing in his mind left me with a bitter taste on my tongue so strong my face screwed up to accomplice it, triggering him to stand straight and cross his arms over at me, his own face frozen in dismay. 

“Something bothering you?” He pressed on, taking a step closer like playing a chess game, a move that I didn’t anticipate would end up pressing me against a wall behind me when I would make my own move to retreat, but it did and I could now smell the alcohol lurking under his breath, poorly disguised by a minty scent. 

“N-No.” 

“You sure? You seem a little… You know?…” I felt my hands snake across the wall, as if searching for something that could help me out in that moment, unsure of what he was capable of doing. 

At many points of my life did I feel like a man was cornering me, but I felt extra helpless in Miami with a powerful man playing around with me like I was some pathetic toy, in front of several other powerful men that just watched and jeered as though they didn’t have daughters waiting for them patiently back at their houses.

“I… need to go to the bathroom.” 

He took a step closer and now his breath left my eyes watering as he huffed out air from his nose, his fists clenching to his side while he looked down at me like I was a nuisance.

”You know the thing about girls like you? You don’t know what you want… You stumble in places like this… with men like us… and then play pretend like you aren’t willing to shake your ass for a couple cents.” 

“W-what?” 

“You heard me… I know the things I can buy out of you with money, and I don’t care about your reputation… because I know you’ll keep it under wraps.” 

His hand began to reach for my face, and I felt everything happen in slow-motion like I was bit by bit being destined for hell to come, and yet I wasn’t going to be ridiculed and embarrassed by everyone in front of a man I knew without having something to say about it that could be worthwhile. So I did. 

“You know, your wife is actually lucky you’re a cheater. If you did this to her, I bet she’d get the ick.” 

His hand rose to the sky and I braced myself, turning myself to the side as if it would protect me to any extent, getting myself ready for the feeling of the sting.

But it never came. I gave myself a couple more seconds for confirmation that he wasn’t playing an ominous game of making sure I was relieved before choosing to act, and when I finally opened my eyes, I was saved. 

Satoru’s knuckles were white as he maintained a firm grip on Mr Fushiguro’s wrist, the shaking between their limbs telling me he was trying very hard to break free. 

“Let go.”

”I can’t do that, Fushiguro.” 

“Fushiguro? You forgot your manners. It’s Mr Fushiguro.” 

“After you tried to assault her? Nice joke.” He swung his arm back and gave a push, leading to Fushiguro stumbling back from the scene, regaining his balance and standing there with eyes comparable to that of a bull seeing red.

I shuffled my way over to Satoru, hiding behind him like he was a pillar and letting myself breathe for a couple seconds to slow my heart rate. He tilted his head to the side, viewing me with his peripheral, all before turning back and facing Fushiguro with a new anger.

”You’re cut off from any connections to Gojo Enterprises.” 

I watched the grown man whip his head up as he heard the words, glaring at Satoru, all until his expression contorted and he ended up laughing with passion, pointing his finger at me and injecting fear into my brain.

”For her? You would mess up your father’s company? Mark my words Satoru, she is your downfall.” He placed heavy emphasis on the last word as if he was a prophecy reader, speaking the truth to alert of grave danger. When really he was just a perverse scumbag who got caught slithering his fingers to places he shouldn’t, intoxicated to the max.

Before I could cuss the man any further in my head and villainise him anymore than I already did, I felt Satoru’s hand clamp down on my wrist again, holding it firmly as he shifted me further behind him, like a great barrier. 

My great wall of china, how convenient. 

“Oh shut up you old man. We’ve been making nothing but losses since we decided to collaborate with you. My father is too merciful, but I’m afraid Fushiguro that I’m not. I’m saving this company.” At the emphasis of certain words in his grand speech he squeezed my wrist, displaying to me the truth in what he was saying. 

Fushiguro let out another laugh but there was a new emotion in his eyes that read of deep embarrassment, and I watched as he continued to walk back in his steps, the alcohol having a greater influence now as he let out cusses while making his exit, aware at the least that in this state he wouldn’t be able to argue with Satoru.

As he faded from view and slipped a corner, I let a deep breath fall out of me containing half the tension in the room in it, my head falling back to meet the wall as I steadied myself and repeated that it was over. No slap, no scaring. 

Satoru did a 180 and took a good look at me, fixing my hair behind my ears and grabbing my face with both his hands, tilting my head and surveying my features for any marks or bruises.

”Who told you to leave my sight?” I let my eyes gradually reach his, delaying the moment as much as I could because I didn’t want to see the fury behind them, but I had stumbled too far this time and had to face the wrath.

”I wanted to… explore.”

”Was that worth it?” He questioned, his eyes narrowing and his brows creasing as he faced down at me, waiting adamantly for a response. 

“I didn’t know he was here…” 

“Neither did I. And that scares me. Something could’ve happened to you and if I didn’t come looking? You would be gone from here by now, locked up somewhere with him.” Just the thought scared me enough to make my eyes avoid his, my body pressing up against the wall as I began to press my fingers together and pull the skin off the tip as a habit. 

He immediately tore my fingers from being able to touch each other, holding both of my wrists above my head with one hand. half facing me as he looked down, assumedly telling his body to control itself. 

When he looked back, he was met with the sight of my shirt hiking up my stomach and leaving too much to the imagination, letting out an annoyed groan and yanking it down, still holding on to my two wrists as he began walking with me down the hall, back to our room where we would be out of sight.

”I’m sorry…” I genuinely meant the words as they left my mouth, eyes glued to him with every second to see if it caused him any sort of relief to hear my apologies, but alas he didn’t look back and continued to pull me along behind him as if I was a trailing pet, getting ready for a punishment.

I could make out the familiar numbers on a door before he scanned the keycard, letting the click sound before wasting no time to yank open the handle and make me go inside, closing it up behind me. 

I stood in front of him, my wrists finally free but at what cost when I was in Satoru’s domain? He was leaning against the door as his stare travelled down my body, and I was practically helpless as he was blocking my only form of escape. Though would I ever use it? Not really.

”Satoru… I said I’m sor-“

“First you interrupt my call by shoving your hand into my pants and finding my cock.” I swallowed, bringing my hands behind my back as if to hide them from the deed they committed, the shame only washing over me now. 

“Then you leave the room when I didn’t give you the permission to.” My mind flicked back to the memory of him shaking his head at me while still talking to the man, giving me the signal to stay, but I was too aloof in my little game and couldn’t read into it well enough to know this was how serious it could be. 

“Then you don’t even tell me where you’re going and make me walk through each corridor, looking for you.” His voice dropped lower and lower with each fault, his arms coming up to cross over one another as he took on the ‘angry father’ position, causing me to sink down into the chair behind me.

”Did I tell you, that you can sit?” I rose without a second to pass, shaking my head and taking a step forward to prevent myself from making the mistake again, my doe eyes becoming wider as I faced down and looked up at him, straight mouthed with his words of scolding.

”Then I have to find you with the one man I would rather die than to let you be alone with.” He raised his voice at the word ‘die’ causing me to flinch back a little, hoping in my head that he will be over with this soon.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know how much Satoru cared about me and the things he was willing to do for me, but that in the moment I just wasn’t thinking about all of those things to concern myself with. I was a girl in Miami, who wanted to have fun. 

“Then he raises his hand at you, and I want nothing more than to put a bullet in his head.” He said the final words as if he himself couldn’t believe it, a tone of surprise like he was having some form of an identity crisis.

He finally came off of the wall and I glanced up at him for a split second, his feet making moves towards me causing me to mirror them as I took steps back, eventually falling against the bed and finding myself sat back down again on it. 

As he came over me like a tall ghost and leaned in, I felt my heart soar through the roof, my breathing becoming heavier to combat the dizziness I felt in my head from the intoxication of how close he was. 

( song: sau paulo - the weekend ft anita ) 

“What do these eyes do to me, huh?” He situated my back against the bed as if opening up a recliner, pushing down with a hand, intent full of need to have me pinned down in front of him and unable to go anywhere.

“H-huh-“ Before I could utter out another extension of the word, he deemed it useless anyways and his fingers wound around the bundle of hair in his hands, pulling my head up to meet his lips. 

He slammed our mouths together like nothing ever before, passionate to take me in that moment more than anything, his mind only focused on the idea of having me connected to him in some way.

After a couple seconds or so, I heard a smack as our lips disconnected and he kept my hair in his hands, gentle as he wiped down my lip, the moistness from his mouth still lingering on it to tempt him. 

“Why the fuck did you end up being so pretty, huh?” My eyes grew in utter confusion, my forehead creasing to match the whizzing quizzical thoughts in my head, his look holding me in place with a seriousness.

”Huh? Huh? Is that all you know how to say?” He mimicked me, his finger still swiping across my lip for contact even though the moisture was long gone. 

“N-No…”

”Good. Every time you say that, you don’t know how fucking much it only turns me on.” 

I pressed my lips together, despite his feeble attempts to part them every time he went over with a rub, my throat moving as he watched me gulp, eyeing him intensely.

”You know… I just removed someone from the company for you. In seconds.” He finally let go of my hair, pressing me back down against the bed and hooking both my wrists above my head, turning with a quick glance to make sure the balcony and window were shut, not letting anyone get the sight he was.

”All because of you. Because of these lips. These hips. These eyes. These thighs. This waist, this hair… This neck… these breasts…” With each body part, he searched my body for them and maintained eye contact for a second or so, putting all of me in the spotlight with no remorse.

”But most of all, for the sake of that mind.” He glanced back up at my eyes again, but this time it was as if he was seeing through to my soul, a window that no one else could open so easily.

”The sheer fear in your fucking eyes. It switches on the primal instincts of me that make men act with their fists. I’m not logical anymore, Y/N. I’m irrational, for you.” 

I could sympathise with him to an extent, wondering how annoying it must’ve been to see me in that situation, when all he wanted by being around me was to protect me and keep me safe with him. 

“I’m sorry-“ 

My mouth was shut up again as he took advantage of the opennness, slipping his tongue in and pressing his head against mine, the mattress beneath me sinking in as we lay against satin, his tongue curling up inside of my mouth and fighting my own for dominance.

When he noticed I finally let myself be defeated, sinking deep into his kiss and becoming hooked on, he pulled back and licked his lips together, an exhale coming out of him to speak of self-control, his eyes for a split second leaving mine to stop himself from delving back in and satisfying his hunger. 

The moment was still between us, and then he continued on his words, leaving me aching for more but unable to say anything.

”Are you scared right now, Y/N?” His voice was laced with the tone of curiosity but I felt no hint of concern, wondering if in the moment I should’ve been truthful or not. He would be able to read me either way, as he knew me better than I did myself sometimes. 

I let silence pass between us, hoping that he would let me off the hook and not force me to answer, but as time ticked, the sounds of a clock working in my head made me finally speak up, my words coming out in a stuttered form.

”Y-yes… I am…” 

“And is it the same fear you had when he was in front of you?” It was that question that I didn’t think he would come to ask, but as I found myself pondering over it, I knew exactly why. It was a distinction that I couldn’t decipher. The one that told me he was safe and loving, and that other men were dangerous. 

So even as I lay there, his hand holding me in place and riding my shirt up my stomach, my bra peeking out from underneath as my breasts smushed together and became defined as if to entice him, I let out the truth again with whispered words.

”No, it isn’t.” 

“You wanna know why?” He was quick to offer me the explanation, a raspiness appearing in his tone now as he seemed to focus less on speaking up and more on tracing the curves that were visible to him, playing with my sides like it was play-doh.

”W-why?” For real though, why? 

He let out another exhale, leaning in close down to my ear until I could feel his clothed crotch pressed up against mine, stimulating my core as he came down to my lobe just like earlier, whispering and causing my ear to tingle in response as I fought the urge to curl away from him.

”Because if he left the room after scaring you… you’d call me and be relieved. And if I left the room? You’d play with that pussy for hours, feeling like I gave you a ruined orgasm for not scaring you properly. For not fucking into you after.” I felt the goosebumps trickle into my neck as my chest tightened from his words, making me clear my throat and stay frozen in place, although none of what he was saying was wrong.

“And you know something? You love the fear I give you. It straightens you out into being a good girl. So that if I…” I felt all the holds he had on me loosen as he straightened his back, stepping off the bed with a single movement and making his way to the door, leaving me there aching for something. 

As he reached the door handle he paused, glancing back at me. “… Got up like this… and left you there right now… you’d want nothing more than to chase after me, and make me touch you.” 

I watched his hand turn down the door handle, and my lips parted involuntarily, revealing the truth before him like an enemy of myself as I got ready to call him back, retreating my hand back down and facing away, wanting nothing more than to stop acting exactly how he knew I would. 

“What’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” 

“N-no.” I stayed sat there with a stubbornness, placing my hands under my outstretched legs, letting my feet dangle off the bed as I kept my eyes to myself, not playing into his games.

”Should I go then, Y/N?” 

All of me wanted to say no. He was right. I was pooling just to have him come back, and to hide all of that I had to hold my pieces together, pretending like everything was fine.

I eventually closed my eyes, hearing the door handle revert back to it’s normal position, the silence between me and him becoming too strong as I realised something was off, and that I should stop disadvantaging myself by letting him slip past me while I couldn’t see.

By the time I did open my lids, he was on me like a beast, his lips wet and soft, his hands holding my neck and the lower half of my face as he kept me in place, pressed firmly underneath him as his knee began to make itself known between my legs, leaving a pressure on my clit as he pressed against my clothed pussy. 

“Come on… Y/N.” He encouraged, his hand sliding down my body with ease as I lost the ability to fight him, rolling my tongue over his as I let out a small gasp, giving him greater access into my mouth as his fingers made contact with my pussy, his fingers soaking as I came to realise just how wet I was. 

He let out a low moan at the contact, falling apart at the seams as he touched me, planting kisses on the side of my jaw that were so passionate they tilted my head to the side with force, all while his fingers teased me, coating themselves in my slit over and over again, like he couldn’t believe how moist I became under his words.

”Should…” He curled his tongue in my mouth again, rubbing his finger rhythmically across my slit. “I…” Between each word, his tongue was now out of my mouth and his lips just began to attack into me, landing on random areas of my face to deliver temporary feelings of affection as he pecked away. “Go?”

He stopped all movements, and yet again a silence formed in the room as the rustling of sheets finished, as well as the noises of heavy breathing that awoke between us. He paused his circular massages on my clit, leaving my legs spread wide open for him with no stimulation, his eyes hooked on to my reaction as he waited, leaving me convinced he wouldn’t continue unless I said something, even though he needed it just as bad as me.

I hesitated, my eyelids fluttering from desire before I licked my lips from becoming dry, opening my mouth to respond to him. 

“N-no… Don’t go…” 

“Then strip and put your ass up. You need a punishing for distracting me when I’m on the phone.” 

Chapter Text

Growing up, my form of being taught a lesson by a teacher would be a light slap across the palm using a ruler or being yelled at in front of the rest of the class, but even that saved my dignity to an extent. 

Punishments from my father? Light. He almost never slapped me, unless I had done or said something inherently wrong, and even then he apologised almost immediately after. 

So to be spread apart like an unfolded pretzel, legs to either side of me as I felt a breeze of air over my exposed womanhood, the air in the room making sweat form at the bottom of my neck while a man held my hair up out of the way? A new fucking experience.

He pressed a couple fingers against the side of my head, rubbing into it and making me lean into his comfort, all before ripping that feeling away from me before I could relax into it, a warning to not let go of the tenseness built up inside of me just yet.

”What’s that? You want me to touch you?” My eyes grew with need as I tilted my head up the sight of his body till our sights met, a smirk crawling up the side of his face as he realised the visuals he was getting, me on my knees gazing up at him and waiting for him to do something about me.

His hand dropped down to my chin and extended my head up even further, making sure my eyes didn’t linger anywhere but on him, as if he knew I’d be too afraid to keep on staring. 

“Oh baby… I’m going to stretch you out today. In Miami, in this heat… I’m going to print the feeling of a real orgasm in your head by the end of this lifetime.” His words were a hefty amount of promises, as he drawled on and on about the things he would do to me that I couldn’t prevent, but he didn’t have to voice all of them out loud. I knew it in my head as it went without saying, like telepathy between the two of us. 

I let my eyes close as my throat shifted to let me gulp, his fingers trailing across the length of my jaw in a rhythmic pattern, leading me to find comfort in it, all until he struck. The slap was light, and the sting only lasted a second or so from the unexpectedness of the impact. He immediately pressured me to open my eyes, his hand smushing my cheeks as he pulled my face closer to him, analysing my eyes.

”Your safe word is… pure.” As a man who took so much honour in degrading me down so that my innocence was completely unravelled before him, I couldn’t have guessed a better word for him to come up with. 

He paused for a second, letting me recover from the feeling his hand left on my cheek, all before his attention became directed down to my ass as it stuck up, just as he wanted. 

I let out a grunt, his movements harsh as he pressed his entire palm on my upper back, pushing down without warning and causing me to lose balance. My face met the satin up close as I creased it, holding on with bent fingers, all while he made sure the only part of mine that was up was my ass, willing to bend me in many ways just to confirm so. 

I breathed in the loose fabric, relying heavily on the rest of my senses to help decipher what he would do as clearly my sight now became out of the equation.

His hand came out of nowhere and trailed across the surface, almost taunting me for the way that I couldn’t read his mind, my body responding to each way his hand went by wanting nothing more than to avoid his movements. I knew exactly where this was going. 

I felt the mattress underneath my neck sink a little as a couple fingers slid their way under, holding on to me by my throat, truly like a captured prey. Then he used his other hand to caress my ass, whispering words of praise that left me hanging on by the second. 

“You know… with the way you’re so obedient right now, I’m wondering if I should even punish you-“

He knew exactly what he did. I felt a gasp formulate out of my mouth, my entire body twitching forwards as he held my neck in his hand, taunting me at the end of his lying words with the sharp sting of his hand being brought down with force, causing my backside to recoil as I let out a groan. 

I was ready to protest, all before I regained my mind after the sting faded and realised I would only cause worse for myself, instead choosing to deal with it silently. 

“What’s wrong? You seem a little tense?” He mocked with words that were feigning concern. Although my face was pressed against the bed, I could tell that he was letting each syllable be pronounced with a deep smirk, relishing in the way I folded under him. 

He saw my stubbornness as a challenge and sought out to straighten it, but I wasn’t an extinguishable flame either. 

“I’m fine.” I let out into muffled words, and before I knew it my face was lifted off by his hold on my neck, making our eyes meet.

”Huh? I didn’t hear you, Y/N.” The way he traced my name spoke of nothing but how much fun he was having, unlocking this overly submissive side of me.

”I-I’m fine.” 

I don’t know what it was about Satoru, but just a glance into those icy blue eyes and it would freeze anyone into place, the stuttering like shivering from being held by him. 

“Oh yeah?” No, I wasn’t… obviously.

Another slap sounded across my ass but this time was even more unfair. There was no build up, no sort of caress, no warning. He was playing dirty now. He knew exactly how I felt about it as he peered down at my resisting expression, trying to coax the arguing side of me out with bait dangled in the form of passed spanks. 

He wanted me to say or do something back. He needed that fuel.

I wasn’t going to hand it to him. 

I continued to keep myself there with my hands in front of me, although even I had to admit they were a little shaky now, my pressed up behind still recovering from his ruthless smack, the sting lasting longer this time than the previous.

”Say sorry.” 

“Why?” Bad idea. Another smack was delivered and this time I felt my ass flinch away, which only motivated him further to keep me in place and hold me down, not letting me go anywhere. 

He kissed his teeth as a response to the low groan I let out, practically signalling for me to even think of disobeying him in the slightest. 

“Because you were giving me a handjob, and you didn’t even finish off what you started.” I thought back to that moment and the memory played again in my head, my hand coming out of his pants while I left him rock hard, standing up from where I was and running out of the room, while he couldn’t even shout after me because he had to respond in the call. 

“I… I didn’t mean to.” 

He let out a laugh at the genuine tone of my words, revelling in the way I came undone with my words before him, spluttering out things that didn’t seem to make sense.

”How can you not mean to? Did you think I wouldn’t go hard from just one second of your touch?” The words were more like a frustration towards himself, for being so vulnerable to the things that I did. I could tell he didn’t know how to deal with the amount of power I held over him, and even I didn’t know what to do. 

“Just spank me. If you’re so frustrated… just release your anger that way.” I had given up ages ago, right when he first started to deliver the lighter slaps. I didn’t want to admit it out loud for how lewd it sounded, but with every sting I could’ve sworn something was begging to pour out of me and pool at my thighs, for him. 

He considered the proposition, his hand pressed firm against my skin as he moved his thumb back and forth in a gentle manner, playing with me in his hands like I was dough. 

“No. That’s too easy. I want you moaning, not just groaning.” He set it out like a criteria, thinking to himself and seemingly leaving me out of the conversation, my only job being to provide him putty to knead while he thought up an idea.

I didn’t go on pornhub that often. For all the times Satoru caught me in the past, it was just a bad reflection of my character, even if it wasn’t a full reflection. I wasn’t that horny… even I had my days of just… not doing any of that at all. So when I was playing with myself and Satoru stormed in, on that day of course I felt a greater sense of shame. 

Then for him to criticise what categories I was watching? Rude as hell, especially considering he probably watched every category, once a week. 

But now? I was stuck filming a fucking porno. 

We were fully naked in the room, although that didn’t seem to change much in the temperature considering it was already high, making taking clothes off no different. My red, hand-print adorned ass was pressed up firmly against his crotch, his hands holding down my hips so that I had no choice but to be stuck to his body like glue. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t like the idea, but that I knew I wasn’t going to get what I wanted. He was smart for that, I’ll be the first to admit.

His hand circled around to the front of me, spreading my pussy like dough as we stood in front of a full length mirror, and for once I became increasingly shy over myself, able to see how we looked. 

He had this expression on his face that I hadn’t seen before, of intrigue and lust. It seemed to take over the Satoru I spent my time with, replacing him with this character who loved to experiment with me, like I was a doll to be placed in any position deemed fit.

My body was covered in freshly formed hickeys by this point, as a courtesy from him to show people what was his. He lined each one with his finger, rubbing over them like they were sacred, as if pretending to polish them down.

My eyes trailed down to his biceps as he did so, and I in that moment took the simple opportunity to glance and admire them for what they were, built with effort.

Satoru caught on my gaze and startled me as he applied a harsh pressure to my clit now, rubbing it in intense circles and making me want to tip toe just to recoil back from his grip.

“S-stop!”

“You’re not doing what I asked you to. I said look at yourself.”

I gave myself a couple seconds to recover from his aggressive endeavours, all before my eyes climbed back up the mirror and I found myself looking at my heaving chest, and how his fingers wouldn’t deviate from being near my pussy, like he wanted to touch it at all times.

”What do you see?” He asked, and suddenly I was thrust into a mediocre philosophy class, asking me to capture my inner soul in a couple words.

I gulped instead, unsure of what he meant even though the question was clear, but there was so much I could answer with that I was left purely speechless.

”Me… and you?”

“What about me and you?” Alright therapist, sure then.

“Me and you… holding on to each other.” My eyes flickered down to his one hand now hooked around my thigh, with the tip of his index at my pussy, while his other hand was holding my arms behind my back, keeping me exposed. But I also noticed the way I held him back, more so in the feeling of my fingers wrapped around his bigger ones.

”Yeah? And what’s special about us?” He prodded on, leaning in closer and taking a step, his head coming down to rest on my shoulder as he decreased in height, stooping to my level.

”W-we have something… no one else has.” A slight grin crawled on to his face, and despite his desire to keep up the unbothered facade, I could tell what I was saying was exactly what he had wanted to hear come out of me.

”Yeah?”

”Yeah.” I was confident in my answer, and even as he tilted up my head with the hand that outlined it’s way up from my pussy, and even though I could now see my neck in full view and the way he lightly choked it in the mirror, I was still strong in what I said. 

“You wanna know what your punishment is?” 

I nodded my head, adamant as I could be, all while he kept on laying down kisses at the sides of my neck while speaking, my shoulders facing the seductive wrath of his mouth now. 

“I’m going to fuck your thighs. You’re going to watch. And at no point today or tomorrow am I going to be inside of you. Okay?” I felt my chest sink a little as I settled into his rules, disappointment spreading through me quick like a wildfire. 

The way he said “Okay?” wasn’t any sort of confirmation, but to pull me back into my reality and make me accept my fate, that I wouldn’t be able to have sex with him.

”D-doesn’t that also punish you in the process?” I couldn’t help asking, as the entire time he was acting so lustful over me, I was doubting he could last till after tomorrow. 

“I still get your thighs. And you? You have to come from my length rubbing against you. From relying on just the friction. And then? Then I won’t do anything. No mouth, no cock, no hands.” 

I couldn’t argue back with him and it was pointless anyways. The most I would receive was likely another spank and warnings not to be so greedy about what I got. In his head, he was being generous about this.

I felt my lips part from each other and my eyes flutter until the lids threaten to collapse and close, his hand still holding my wrists firm behind my back and offering them a squeeze as he split my legs apart, coaxing my pussy into his other hand and then bringing forward the beast that was meant to make me come today, just from touch. 

As his cock sprang up and lightly pressed against my slit, I heard him let out a slight groan from behind, likely fighting the urge to just shove himself deep inside of me and get it over and done with. 

This was harsh for him too. And I knew it.

He let go of my clit and got right behind me, and in the mirror I could see his glistening tip and part of his length sticking out of the space between my thighs, his hand sandwiching them together as they seemed to wrap around his cock, another groan sounding out of his mouth in low noises. 

Then his hand came up and grabbed all of my hair in one bundle, lifting it up and holding it together like a makeshift ponytail, exposing my entire body to his gaze including my face as he pulled the pony back, making my head rest against his shoulder while he began to move his cock back and forth between my thighs. 

Immediately, he was coated in my slick. There was no questioning if he would be, and the way I was wet from the start called for it more than anything. I watched in the mirror as my chest moved, all in time with the breaths I took as I let him use me, watching as his own eyes became half lidded, his head resting against my shoulder now as he delivered hard thrusts between my thighs. 

He was so hard in itself that I felt my pussy water for him, just like a mouth salivates. 

It didn’t help either to see his face in such a state of primal desire, with his limbs not being able to let go of me, my thighs like an addiction he couldn’t withdraw from. 

“Fuck… so soft…” He made sure my hair was fully behind my back, letting go and allowing his hands to target what he wanted to hold, my thighs dipping in under his fingers as he let out a single moan, his cock angling up, deeper into my slit and coating itself in my liquid warmth, all as he kept on the rhythm of thrusting. 

In that moment, I realised just how interconnected we became. His head pressed against my shoulder, his cheek rubbing against my neck. His hand against mine, seeking approval to be able to bind, and the feeling of his legs colliding with mine, my body held up by his. 

It was all ashamedly beautiful. Even as he continued to thrust against me and my vision blurred, my mind seeking asylum nowhere but in his arms, I felt a great deal of pleasure as he used me for his own gains, the noises between us both a harmonious mix. 

The inside of my legs were damp and the breeze would shift over them, liquid spreading through my thighs as he mercilessly kept on going at it, my cries of moans silencing as he grabbed my cheek with his furthest hand, pressing my face against his and keeping our mouths merely centimetres apart as he caressed me.

It was one of the most intimate moments between us, and for some reason while I should’ve been feeling only lust, it felt like a twisted form of affection. A punishment? To be this close against him? Bodies touching with each sway? This was far from a punishment. 

I let out a slight gasp as he turned me around with no warning, my balance failing on me before he extended a hand out to my back, catching me and hauling me in close, all till we were face to face. 

“Fuck the mirror… I want to see you.” He growled out the words with a conviction that spoke decibels, slamming my hips into his with a force he didn’t himself anticipate, massaging into the bones I had there as a silent apology that ended up diluting the moment for a second, all before pressing his lips back against mine. He didn’t accept the way I leaned back, his hand hooking on to the back of my head and pushing me into him so that our lips had no choice but to meet, his cock back in between my legs. 

As if he knew I was waning on the ability to keep them shut, he pressed my shaking legs for me and kept a hand on my cheek as support for me to lean on to, deepening the kiss the same way he deepened how far along his length slid across me.

My core built up, painfully so with each thrust, and I had to beg him for more so that the knot wouldn’t untie or loosen. I needed to feel him. All of him. 

“Please… please put it in?” The words came out of me with the most defeat laced in my tone, my hand gripping on to his wrist and squeezing in hopes he will listen to me, and yet he didn’t, shaking his head and ignoring my pleas, all to drive himself harder between my legs and push me further into the pursuit of an orgasm.

“W-wait… no I want to… feel you…” 

“No.” His word was direct and clear, and I knew deep down there was no shaking what Satoru said once it was said. I reached up him, locking my arms around his neck and pressing my head against his chest, my legs feeling as though they were numbing as he kept holding me as a support.

I needed him in me. I needed it. But with the way he was driving this orgasm out of me with such force and friction, I would have to settle and take it this way. 

I felt my core reach it’s climax, moans in high pitched tones slipping their way through my lips and out into the space of the hotel room, accompanying the smell of sex that began to form between the both of us. 

He flipped me back around and pushed me on, an arm wrapping around my breasts and pressing me firm against his chest so I couldn’t leave, his length still running through my slit while I became overstimulated, begging for him to end it.

My legs were shaking, and I could feel how slippery the interaction between our parts had become, my hands extending to wrap around the back of his arm and hold on to his muscles, all while he began to thrust for his own release. 

It was over shortly after, and he coaxed me back into being calm, whispering words to me of it being okay and how it was over now. I glanced down in between my legs and noticed how shaky they were, white cum stains splattered on either side, and even making it as far as reaching the mirror itself. 

As he pulled back from me, I stumbled my way out of his grip, grabbing a wet wipe from our luggage and making my way to the mirror while he caught his breath. He moaned pretty hard against my back, and it was the most vulnerable I’d seen him in our sexual endeavours. 

Before I could even begin to wipe down, he grabbed my wrist and spun me around, making me clash against his chest and stay there, his arm coming up behind me and pressing firm against my back, as if he didn’t want me to escape.

”Where… where are you going?”

”I… was going to clean the mirror.” 

“And what… about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“I don’t even… get to hold you? Or… kiss you… and tell you, you did so well?” 

Before I could protest against him, his hands hooked under my knees and lifted me up off the ground, making me hold him for extra support as he carried me to the bed, gently letting go and watching as I sunk into the satin sheets. 

He took the wipe from my hand and I watched a grin subtly form on his face, and when he caught me looking he began to explain.

”How are you going to clean the mirror first and not what’s on you?” He pointed out, extending my twitching leg forward with ease, his eyes flittering up every now and then to my crimson cheeks, as he softly began to wipe the marks he left. 

“Come…” He beckoned, shifting back on to the other side of the bed, opposite to where I was. I followed, shuffling myself into the space next to him and propping my knees up, holding on to them. We were both naked, and tired.

”Come here.” He had enough of my half-hearted approach and yet again carried me into his arms, holding me against his chest and leaning back into the bed frame, his eyes unable to leave my face. 

We just stared at each other for the moments that passed, and as I took the time to memorise the depths of his ocean like irises, he finally spoke.

”Was I too harsh?” 

“No…” 

A silence formed between us, to which he began to caress the fat of skin under my lower leg, comforting me regardless.

”Was I too mean?” 

I hesitated, my mind flicking back to the slaps and taunting, and yet somehow it didn’t stir chaos into my heart, nor did it even hurt a little bit to think of. 

“No.” 

“You hesitated.” 

“I mean it, you weren’t.” 

Another silence. 

“Did you like that?” 

“Yes.” It was so soon of a response I cursed myself in my head, my eyes drifting off of him as I watched the amusement settle in.

”I’ll keep note of that.” 

Another silence. 

“Were you really mad at me?” The question sprawled out of me, as it felt like judging by the pattern of how we were speaking it has come to be my turn. My voice was quiet and faded, but the words rang in my head afterwards.

”Only a little.” 

I gulped, and he saw. He secured his hold on me, removing my hair from covering my face. 

“But not now.” 

“Why were you?” It was obvious why, but I wanted to hear it from him anyways. To say that it was because I’m so naive and stu-

“Because you are the most valuable being in the world to me.” My thoughts hushed as he said the words, his finger pressing against my lip and massaging into it as he kept on going, keeping me silent in the process.

”And to see that man touch you? To see him have the chance to hurt you? It… rewires me. My programming just becomes you. Nothing but you.” 

“And if I’m truthful, I’ve never had someone on my mind every day in every way, like I have you. And the thought that maybe one day I won’t be there to protect you, or you won’t be there to protect…” 

Another silence, accompanied by the squeeze of his hand against my back. 

“It burns me.” 

“I won’t get into trou-“ His finger pressed deeper against my lips, his eyes off of me and now on his lap, holding me in my naked form.

”And… I wish I could tell the world. I wish I could say this woman is mine and whoever touches her or hurts her or even so much as looks at her without mine or her’s permission. I will bury them alive.” 

“You don’t understand the things I feel for you… the way my heart beats just a little faster to hear you giggle or laugh. The way I watched you draw in that notebook while your friends kept on gossiping at school. Fuck, all my friends hated when I did that because I couldn’t hear shit they were saying. The stubbornness you keep burning inside of you to be respected even though you’re younger than everyone around you. The way you feel under me, the way I feel in you… the way you look up at me with that much trust. Sex is something small between us, and if you wanted me to be celibate with you for years I would gladly do so. Because at least you’d be mine for those years.” 

“Sato-“

”Shh… it’s my turn.”

”I’ve loved you since you were 17 and I was 19. Each second spent with you is lethal, because I feel that 19 year old clawing to come out. Businessman or not, reckless rich kid or not, all I know is I am yours. I was made to be yours.” 

“I hate it when other men look at you. I hate them. I hate when you feel scared… and I’d rather you be scared of my angry moments because I know deep down I would never ever want to hurt you.” 

“And I… hate more than anything, the pain I felt for the 2 years of leaving you. For abandoning you and going abroad. Because I know deep down, that you must’ve felt something of the same level. And I wasn’t there to hold you in these arms and press you against me like I am now.”

”Just as that day when you got a whole crowd of people to start dancing and singing, at a quiet boring reception. That’s what happens in my heart and head, every time I see you. You are the liveliness, Y/N. You make me live.” 

“And I don’t fucking care… truth be told. I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I’d attend a press conference and kiss you in front of all the spectators of the world, because then at least I could show you even an increment of how far my love for you really extends.” 

Chapter Text

The outside wasn’t much better for the warmth. Satoru bought me a dress from the local store to the hotel, flowing down to my ankles and covered in flower patterns so that I could wear nothing else underneath and still not expose myself.

We took small, relaxed steps in comparison to the more paced people that would walk past us, choosing to spend the time instead admiring the freedom we had, even if it would only end up being just a couple days. 

Everywhere I glanced was a cash grab waiting to happen, with designer stores lined up and sample sellers thriving on the outside. 

If it weren’t for Satoru, I would’ve just ignored them all, but he was no better. He would bring each sample to my face and if it was food, make me eat it. If it was perfume, he’d smell it and then make me smell it. 

He was waiting for the opportunity to rise where I would say ‘yes’ to one of them, but he also knew me well enough to know even if I did like one of then, I’d likely respond in a lie to avoid spending someone else’s money unnecessarily. 

As my feet made contact through my sandals with the gravel beneath, I curled my arm around his bicep, his hand extending upwards to meet my own clutching one and embrace it in a tight hold. 

In return, I tried to grab the bags he was holding as an act of service but I was stupid to try it on someone like Satoru, as he just looked down at me in pure confusion and stood there, halting both of us.

”You want something from the bag?” He asked, prying it open and dipping his hand in as he waited for me to name an object. I just stood there and let a smile come to the surface, contagious as he too met me with a grin.

”What?” He questioned, both of us still stood there.

”I would’ve taken the bag, you know?” 

His smile sank in a pretend frown as he narrowed his eyes at me, with the most disagreeing expression I’d seen him display yet. His hand came up in front of my face and he pointed up his index, moving it to the left and right in an attempt to gesture to me that I shouldn’t even think of doing so. 

“Not for as long as I’m alive.” He let out in a confident burst of laughter, and I ended up smacking him across his chest for his pompously rich words. He took advantage of the situation and intertwined our fingers together, dropping them at our sides and continuing to walk on with me through the pathways. 

“Satoru?”

I felt a resistance as Satoru held me back from walking, and I watched his gaze falter from me and turn instead, shifting to face a man who was stood behind us. I too turned for a clearer view, and as confused as I was, I could recognise faintly the familiarity of his face.

”Nanami.” 

I peered between them and observed quietly, grins peeking out of both of their once straight faced looks, all until Satoru came forward with no heads up, likely forgetting he was holding my hand as I jolted ahead with him, his excited self grabbing his friend with his free arm and locking him into a headlock. 

The man let out a couple of tuts out of irritation, but I could tell with the manner in which they were behaving, they had to have been close. 

Satoru had finished asking the man how he was, and both of them finally turned to me. I flashed a smile on impulse, waving my hand at the guy and he brought his hand up simultaneously, responding to my acts with a wave of his own.

”Ah, right. Y/N, this is Nanami. Nanami… this is Y/N. My step-sister.” As the mere words echoed in my mind I felt a psychic flashback occur to a couple minutes ago, when Nanami must have seen us interlocking hands, looking exactly like a couple. 

I watched his eyebrow raise and felt my own eyes widen a little, until he must’ve realised because he fixed his emotions rather quickly, extending forth his hand to me and waiting on me to shake it.

What he didn’t know is that as I did I was concocting a plan in my head, and I was ready to execute it. 

“Oh… I’ve just been feeling so faint lately, haha. That’s why Satoru had to um, practically carry me all the way here… His darling sister is just so exhau-“ 

“I don’t want guys to think she’s single.” I felt my great plan shatter into pieces at Satoru’s words, and I was hit with a wave of loss. There was no way I could convince Nanami nothing was going on with him around. 

Nanami nodded his head like a rusted well pump handle coming down, his eyes flickering back between the two of us as if trying to piece it together inside of his head.

”Because… he’s just such an overprotective brother.” I lightly smacked Satoru again on his chest, but clearly it wasn’t as light as I assumed because now he recoiled back a bit, clearing his throat at my actions and instead choosing to stand there silently as i explained.

”I felt faint. So I held his hand. And then he realised no guys were coming up to me anymore. So we’re staying like this. Because he’s such a good older brother.” 

Again, Nanami’s eyes travelled between us in disbelief, but he quickly hid it by instead choosing to talk to Satoru about a separate topic.

”How’s the company? I hope my leave doesn’t mean the lower workers are slacking.” I decided to temporarily zone out for the moment, not wanting to listen to a bunch of old people business talk. 

Satoru began to enter this mode where his voice practically lost its tone, just reviewing statistics and saying a bunch of words that jumbled in my mind due to never being heard of. I didn’t take economics at school, nor did I study business.

I began to look around at Miami for the first time with full concentration, my brain not distracted by thoughts of Satoru like a brainless fan girl. I caught the eye of a couple people walking past and offered them kind smiles that they reciprocated, not wanting to be seen as the weirdo stood on the street that just looks at people with a straight face.

America was very individualistic. People here seemed to be doing their own thing, and there was a huge lack of interaction. In japan, people were always running errands for each other, and hung out in clusters of groups. It just seemed more… tight knit. But then again, that must’ve just been my lack of association with anyone in America talking. 

I faced the floor and came to finally see my feet in my sandals, suddenly becoming appreciative. Mother never let me go on holidays like that. At least I had the experience. It was nostalgia on another level, as the ones I had before were so short lived and so rare. 

“But you should come with us.” I finally tapped back into what Satoru was saying, focusing on his words and hearing something of talk about getting prepared for the business deal and joking about needing a support. 

I flitted my gaze back between the two of them, Nanami’s look of exhaustion but happiness at the sight of his presumed friend, and Satoru filled with energy to be talking to him, or anyone for that matter.

”You know what, I think I can fit it in and my wife will be fi-“ 

“You have a wife?” The question slipped out of my mouth almost as soon as he mentioned it, both of them finally taking a look back down at me, Satoru then glancing back up at Nanami, waiting for him to speak. 

“Yeah. I do.” 

“W-what’s it like being married?” I began to straighten my posture, gaining a sense of excitement for this new conversation. It was better than that basic old business one anyways.

Nanami turned to me with ease, his hands sliding into his pockets as he himself straightened his back, drifting into thought with his eyes fixated on the lower side of the sky. 

“Work. Effort, and work. But… she makes it worth it.” At first his tone sounded like he was trapped, but the mere mention of her sparked a sense of life into his voice, just thinking about her. 

I liked it.

”Do you guys… have children?” 

Satoru whipped his head back to Nanami and pulled his hand up, smacking him across the back in a sense of humour as laughter erupted out of him, but Nanami remained in spot and gulped, clearing his throat for me.

“N-not right now.” 

“Do you want them?” 

“Y-yes…” He thought about it carefully for a second and it was likely the same image was plastered in our minds. Babies throwing up and providing bombs inside of nappies, food everywhere and crying for days… it was such a large hassle I wondered how humanity kept on growing.

”I want them too.” What the fuck was I saying? I just completely rejected the idea of them in my head, and so how could this come out of my mouth? Come on Y/N, you’re just fantastic! 

“Uh…” Satoru finally spoke up, his head whipping back to me even quicker than it did earlier to Nanami, his voice for the first time wavering as he thought about what he was going to say, not wanting to make it obvious to Nanami but also not wanting to hurt me in any way. 

He made eye contact with me and his eyes were a little wider, as if in shock over what I said. He never heard me actualise the idea of wanting kids so early.

”Y/N… you’re still… 17-“ 

“19.” I corrected, and his mind shifted into the right reality as he repeated the number to himself, gulping and having nothing else to say as he stood there and waited for my reaction. 

“I know…” I lowly said, my feet lining the cracks between the bricks of concrete on the floor, the idea of children being crossed out with a big red X in my head.

”When you’re… 20 or older… maybe 21. I will… let you have kids.” He attempted to say it in the least weird sounding manner he could, Nanami stood there like a third wheel as he himself began to take glances down at his watch, appearing not that engrossed into our conversation.

”He’s right.” That’s why I was surprised when he spoke up, placing a hand on my shoulder and making my eyes fall on him. For some reason I didn’t hate that his hand was on my shoulder, and judging by Satoru’s reassuring smile, he didn’t either. 

“You should only think about having kids after your education is complete. Become someone first.” He encouraged, the hand on my shoulder now placing itself on my head. ruffling the hair there.

”She’s a cute kid, Satoru. Very curious too.” He said the words like I wasn’t right in front of him, really treating me to the side like I was just a child to him, but I didn’t hate it. 

With a lot of people, when they treated me like a child they made me feel incapable of doing things, but Nanami took it more in the respect that I was still learning and there was a lot to teach me. At least he saw it in a positive view.

As the three of us walked down the Miami path, both men slid their fingers into their pockets and pursued their own conversation, Satoru checking if I’m there quite frequently, and when I’d look up at him I could see the relief on his face that I seemed content. 

As I walked down the path, I swallowed as I watched a group of teenage boys near us, all of them being loud and obnoxious with gold chains and single earrings. Exactly as if they had 100 girls on their socials list. I averted my gaze and pretended to be dazed in my own world, shuffling closer to Satoru but alas I was a victim to their behaviours.

“Ayo… she’s fine bro… let me bag that.” One of the boys said, seemingly older as he looked taller with stubble settling in, his eyes shamelessly following the trace of my body as they walked past. 

When my eyes met again with Satoru, I had to reach my hand out and hold down his wrist, not letting him do what he was going to and turn around to deliver them threats. 

“It’s okay, let go Y/N. I just want to talk to them.” I knew Satoru better than that. In his language it meant that the second I loosened his grip we’d all end up sitting in jail with Satoru providing the money for his own bail while Nanami and I drank stale coffee. 

No thank you.

”It’s okay… let’s go.” 

“Y/N… let go.” 

“N-no.” 

Nanami began to notice our quiet struggles, slipping into view from the side as he glanced at us and then the boys behind who were purposely stalling, continuing to say things about how hot I was. 

“They’re just kids.” I justified, but even I wanted to pick up my sandal and throw it into his fa-

“Oi. Who the fuck are you?” Satoru looked straight at the boy with a face of disgust and I could tell he was unnerved by the way he gulped, but of course a teenage boy in front of friends is like a firework in a room full of candles. 

He began to kiss his teeth, making his way back to us even though he was a head or so smaller than Satoru, and lacked muscle.

”Why you getting involved? I’m tryna talk to shawty here.” He stood next to me, nodding to his friends like I was some sort of appliance from the tech store, checking me out bit by bit.

I curled my fingers into fists at my side and prayed in my head. But not for me. For them.

”Look at her like that again.” Satoru warned, stepping in between us so that I was behind his back and covered, him having to look down just to make eye contact with the boy. He claimed he could see the fear behind his eye but he knew when it came to boys like him, overconfidence was what they ran on.

”Hey… I just want her number.” He played off, stepping to the side and trying to get a better view of me. I watched Satoru’s hand reach out and grab the boy’s wrist, yanking him back into place and judging by the silence I could tell he was giving him that death stare.

”Who the fuck said you can?” I heard the laughter of the friendgroup a couple meters from us dissipate, as they watched, anticipating the outcome.

“You’re not her dad or something.”

”Worse, you useless piece of shit. I’m her older brother.” He gulped again and Satoru took amusement, unable to press down the grin that shone on his face, his hands dipping back into his pockets after letting go of the boy. 

“You’d piss your pants if I punched you, so for the sake of your little reputation with your friends I won’t. But just know, that if you say shit like that again to her? You’ll become my bitch.” He said the last words with venom spewing out, and although his expression hadn’t changed much, the straightening of his brows and the lifting of his chin spoke far more of how he could keep his promise than anything. 

As the boy ran back like a pathetic coward, tripping on the crack along the way to his friends who stared at us with unsupported irritation, I felt Satoru’s fingers wind back down to my own and curl into them, locking me with him and keeping me in place.

”See, Nanami.” His voice was completely back to normal and I felt a storm of rage pass over us and away, pathetic fallacy being the star of the situation as the sun came out to greet us, all alongside Satoru’s general positive self with his friend. 

“It’s silly boy’s like that, and that’s why I need to hold her hand. Just like this.” He brought his hand up to Nanami’s view, mine reaching up alongside it. But I knew it wasn’t for Nanami.

He slipped a stare over at the group of boys again, the boy still watching defeatedly as he squeezed my hand in his, a silent message offered.

Chapter Text

The three of us then ended up sat in a restaurant after numerous hours of spending the day together, Satoru not wasting a single opportunity to grab at whatever he could find and buy it for me, pressing up items of clothing agaisnt my chest and checking them under his own judgement.

By the end of the day Nanami had seemed a lot more interested in my life, asking me several questions about my goals in education as well as my aspirations towards the future. I answered each one with enthusiasm, grateful that I had formed a connection with him and we didn’t end up continuing the day in an awkward manner since that encounter.

Satoru didn’t let go of my hand for a single second, all unless it was to whip out his credit card so he could swipe it for me. Every time I saw a slither of black crawl out of his pocket I felt my heart become bothered, making attempts to grab his wrist and stop him out of my own discomfort over spending too much, but he didn’t let me. 

By the end of the day, his knuckles were turning write from carrying so many bags, none of them for himself. 

Even Nanami had something to say about it. Then again, I’d mention it too if I was sat at a restaurant and my friend made me put 3 bags on either side of me because he didn’t have enough space next to him, and all of them belonged to one girl. 

“You love your sister this much? That’s adoring.” He commented, and although he never seemed to hold a distinct tone in his voice, the way the corner of his lip twisted up at Satoru told me he really did find it cute.

I too did, but of course I wasn’t going to say anything. Any time that he made a comment about how Satoru was such a gentleman towards me, I nodded my head and sat quietly like a mouse, letting Satoru do the talking while exchanging the smallest glances with me. 

In my head I could still flick back to the days when we first met and the livid ways we spoke to one another. We were just two kids who were afraid of change, more than anything. Yet the way that he hurled words at me even back then didn’t hurt. They didn’t scare me. He was always someone who never scared me, like that.

I felt a hand slither under the round table we were sat at and place itself on my thigh. Instinctively, I clutched it with my own and Satoru snuck a peek at me, a twitch of a grin forming for split seconds with his mouth before he paid attention again, focusing on the words of the waiter.

His hand was always bigger than mine. And not in the pick me, petite, desperate girl way. I mean it in the way where his hand was also bigger than other mens. It came along with the height, and certainly accompanied by his large leng-

“What will you eat, Y/N?” He squeezed my thigh under the table as his palm surrounded it, my eyes flittering back up to him from my unholy thoughts before I sat there, staring at the both of them as aloof as I was.

”Huh?”

They both met eyes and began smiling at my daydreaming expression, all before Satoru reintroduced his question.

”What food, Y/N?” 

He passed me the menu with his free hand, delivering another reassuring grab of my thigh, his hand playing with the fabric of my dress as I flicked through the pages on the menu, my eyes landing on the perfect target.

”I want the garlic bread… and the chow mein… and the ice cream… the vanilla one. I also want an ice tea.” I replayed my words in my head, feeling a deep embarrassment sink inside of me as I realised how greedy I sounded, whipping my head back up from the seductive items in front of me and instead retracting my words.

”I just want a chow mein.” 

Satoru nodded, although he did so after a couple seconds of hesitating, all before facing the waiter again. 

I pulled my phone out of my bag and pretended to be texting under the table, instead fiddling with his fingers on my lap, tracing each one and pressing into their bones. Like a stress relief.

”Can we have… two steaks. Two strawberry mojitos. Two bread platters… one chow mein, one vanilla ice cream…” My head shot up and I paid attention, following his voice as he continued to read the list out loud, looking at his relaxed expression. “One ice tea…. oh yeah and also one garlic bread.” 

I would’ve kept my eyes on him, glued to his thankful smile towards the waiter and how it seemed like nothing to him to remember all of the things I said, had it not been for the way he asked for my attention under the table, with his fingers trying to pry my own open so that he could interlock with them.

I loosened them, letting him do as he wanted, his mind away as he continued to talk to Nanami with more matters about his wife and the company. 

“But um, I have been wondering Satoru… have you considered your father’s selected proposals for you?” My hand twitched under the table as I kept my head down, pretending to be interested by various pictures on my social media feed, when really it was the first time that I had been hearing about this.

”No.” He reached out for the bottle of wine in front of him, his fingers separating from mine as he unscrewed the lid, pouring himself a glass. I shut my fingers into a fist again, retreating my hand as I slouched back in my chair, continuing to scroll through and distract myself. 

I heard the small gulps as he drank, and in them Nanami took the opportunity to present forth a more pressing question.

”Why did you reject them all? They were the type of girls you like. Smart, tall, mature… they weren’t bad looking either.” 

I felt my stomach churn on the inside, resorting to more active forms of distracting myself instead, in the manner of going through my chats with people and choosing to see what I hadn’t responded to. 

And that’s when his name flicked up on the screen. 

Yuuta: 

“Y/N, where are you? I’ve been trying to get to you since ages now. I want to talk to you.” 

“Y/N, it’s been a few days now. If you’re avoiding me and I did something wrong, let’s talk about it. Come on.” 

“Y/N, Hana said you’re in Miami?” 

“Y/N, I love y-“

I couldn’t finish off seeing the rest of the texts as I felt Satoru’s hand find my lap again, but this time he wasnt reaching for my thigh. 

Before I could intervene, he had hold of my phone, reading out the text in his own lap. I didn’t bother snatching it back from him, or making a scene. It wasn’t worth it while Nanami was here.

”You know, Nanami.” I looked up from my fingers pressing together on my lap to see a poker face expression on Satoru as he flashed an unbothered smile, the act practically unnoticeable as he pressed the phone back down on me, his hand retreating as he crossed his arms over.

”I’m not into those girls anymore. I have a very specific type. A rare one.” I felt something build up in my throat, but it was more anticipation and unpredictability than anything else, listening along to what he was saying.

”And, those kinds of girls? The public don’t get to have them. No one else gets to have them. The girls my father kept sending proposal photos of? Proposals to several others as well. There is no previous connection. No history. I want someone with history. Someone who’s mine.” 

He wasn’t meeting my eye but he didn’t have to because it was obvious who he was talking to. Especially with the entire love confession he had sold to me in bed merely hours ago. 

I grabbed my phone from my lap again as he took another sip of the wine, my thumbs fiddling together as I considered what to reply back. 

Me:

”Yuuta. I’m safe. I’m with Satoru and I’m fine. I’ll talk to you when I’m back in Kyoto. For now, don’t worry about me.” 

I dropped my phone face down into my lap after, exhaling out a deep breath and grabbing my own glass from the centre of the table, my hands trying to unscrew the glass bottle of water, but instead failing.

Was Satoru mad? He already hated Yuuta as it was but to see him text me like that? Did it ruin his day? 

I felt those familiar strong hands wrap around mine and provide an extra force as the lid clicked and loosened itself, his actions proving to be still caring as he filled my glass up to the brim with water, placing it inside of my hand and watching as I drank.

A single, slithering strand of my hair fell in front of my face as I looked down at my glass, placing it back on the table and he fixed it like it was clockwork to him, Nanami delivering his own humour filled breath at the heart-warming sight, his face with a pleased gaze faced down at his plate.

”You really do take care of her, you know? A lot of scum bags who dare to call themselves brothers only put down their sisters.”

”Yeah, I’ve seen that in the way my workers talk about their sisters in my own company. That and the several events I’ve attended. And people at my school. But her? She’s worth all the protection.” He spoke about me as though I wasn’t there, sat right next to him. Like I was a myth, and a legend to be emphasised with great praise.

”She’s the kindest, blooming flower you’ll find.” 

Chapter Text

To my dearest ( introducing our cult name now ) ( i’m kidding we are not a cult, they creep me out… we are a… creative book club ) Ghosties! ( from your fellow Ghostwriter246 ) I’m letting you know in this dragged announcement something I’ve replied to in several comments before, but I noticed my fanfic was gaining some traction so I decided to really pin the nail in the coffin ( coffin that will revive at some point ).

For the next two months, you will have to hold on and persevere like blizzard struck soldiers in trenches, humming silent night and waiting for me with hope. 

I am partaking in a series of exams, no I’m not like other fanfic makers where they’re struck with an earthquake or undergoing a life threatening surgery. No, I wasn’t cursed and no I’m not a veteran pilot. 

Because of this, ‘a step too far’ ( ;) ) will temporarily be on hold for the time being. I can only estimate that this will all be over by june 20th, and so on the day of june 20th I implore you to spam me like your life depends on it.

If you lurking bed slumped readers also have exams ( i know you do ) then i hope this break encourages you to STUDY! Let’s persevere together. 

And when we come back, I promise to send you through a whirlpool of emotions to the point where you’re venting and ranting to your friends about how much I put you on that cyclic rollercoaster. 

But for now? Send love, nice comments, sweet wishes, criticisms, favourite moments, spam me to come back on June 20th and don’t forget me till then. Bookmark, just in case you accidentally get rid of this incognito tab ( ;) ), how else will you find me again? And how else will Satoru find you? 

Till next time Ghosties, 

Yours sincerely, Ghost Writer 

Chapter Text

Nanami stood to the side of our hotel door, hands in his pockets as we all slowed at our walk, coming to a halt. 

“End of the line, I guess.” He said out loud, and for a second I questioned how it was possible that he wasn’t a father. He had the complete dialogue book of one. 

I felt a hand snake down to my hip, and for a second I let myself get lost in thought. To everyone else, Satoru touching me was protective and just keeping a hold. To me? It spoke promises and had a language of its own. He touched me like blind people touched braille, but this time I was the one who was understanding. 

“We hope to see you on another day here, Nanami. Do let us know when you’re next available.” With that, Satoru’s fingers wound their way into mine, holding them and directing us towards the inside of the hotel, away from Nanami. I turned back and let one last gentle wave come about, receiving a slight smile from the man.

-

As the keycard clicked into the door and we heard the locks open up, Satoru turned to me, tension suddenly swarming around the both of us like a wave crashing down, until he let out a slight breath and seemingly held himself back.

After a minute of settling in, I felt an invisible clock ticking in my mind till it would be too late to ask, so instead I just summed up all my courage in one piece and shot it at him. 

“What was that look?” 

He glanced up at me from his phone, lying shirtless on the bed. His lines of abs glistened just a little from the summer’s heat causing him to sweat, and he without a single world sat up, sticking a pillow behind him as he crossed his arms over and looked at me.

”What do you think it was?”

It wouldn’t be a conversation between me and Satoru if it didn’t involve some form of mind games. Internally, I knew that. Externally? I played in. 

“It looked like a form of hesitation.” 

“It was.” The words came out of him like clockwork and his eyes remained fixated on me. Even now, he was holding back from something.

“Well… what were you hesitating ov-“

”Block Yuta.” I couldn’t help the way my mouth curled up, but not because I’m delighted in any manner but because I felt a sense of audacity coming from Satoru that made my entire face twist. 

I stood at the foot of the bed, waiting for his expression to change to at least feel remorseful over my situation and reverse what he said, but the man with his completely relaxed body just sat there and looked at me, waiting.

“No.”

”But why not?” Everything that he said was quick and snappy, propelling me to answer to him now. I stuttered a little, scoffing and throwing my wrinkled dress on to the dresser table, thinking up a response.

”Satoru, you know he’s practically one of my best friends.” 

“He wants you.”

”And?”

”And I want you, Y/N.” The words came out of him like a bold statement, and although how many times they had been said to me in the past, in this moment there was a distinct difference. He was claiming his hold.

”That doesn’t mean… any different for you wanting me. I’m not going to entertain him, Satoru.”

I felt the silence between us, all until Satoru’s legs fell to the ground and he got up, hands sliding down into his pants as he walked up to me. For the first time, my eyebrows furrowed a little in protest and I took my steps back, not even realising like an idiot before my back made contact with the cool wall. I flinched a little and shifted my way off of it, until I looked up and realised he was just merely half a ruler’s length away from me.

”It’s not about you entertaining him. It’s about him needing just a little glimpse from you before I see that fuck- I won’t swear… before I see that look on his face, like he wants to own you.”

”Yuta does not want to own m-“

”You want me to bring up what he said at dinner? God it took every urge in me to not reply back.” He said the last part a little lower, tilting his head back slightly up to the sky in dramatic exhaustion. 

“He said he loves me… that doesn’t mean he wants to own me.” I defended, crossing my arms over and looking up at Satoru like he was being hysterical.

Because he was. To assume that Yuta would want to do all of that just to ‘own’ me in the end, offended me a little bit. Especially because of how much Yuta was there for me regardless. 

“I don’t care what it is, Y/N. Neither is that the point. The point is… that if he texts you shit like that again I will personally fuck him up. He’s talking to my woman.” 

“Obviously you have to cut him some slack, he doesn’t know th-“ 

Satoru took a step back and glanced down at me with a face of irritated confusion, gaze drifting down to my locked and crossed arms and then back up to my defiant expression. 

“Y/N, I don’t get what’s so difficult, sweetheart. Block him, or tell him to stop texting you those things.” 

“The second one, I can do.” I negotiated, my eyes leaving his and glancing down at the orange, mosaic patterned rug on the floor.

”The second one, you will do.” 

With that, he turned around, and I could sense an energy shift between us. He wasn’t being his usual self, after the messages he saw. Satoru had become overprotective, and if I didn’t point out the loose ends in his commanding now, I wouldn’t see the better of it. 

“Yuta was there.” 

He paused in his steps back, and in my head I felt like I’d pushed the both of us off an edge. Goosebumps trickled over my body and I stood firm to my feet, although I was bracing myself for his response.

He turned back and kept his hands still in his pockets, stood with a straight back and addressing me from the metre away where he was stood. 

“He was there for you, Y/N?” The words fell out of his mouth like I was being some type of hypocrite, or praising him for no reason. 

“Yes, he was.” 

“When?”

I gulped and my gaze fell down, my finger nails wanting to graze the skin on my other hand as I fidgeted with them. 

“You know when.” 

“I want to hear it from your mouth.” My eyes made their way back to him and this time there was an expression in his face I couldn’t quite pin the dot on. Like frustration, mixed with regret, with a drizzle of challenge.

”Say it, Y/N.” 

“When you were gone.” Immediately, Miami heat got deeper between the both of us and I felt my posture fail a little. I never liked to argue with Satoru, nor did I like to point the finger at him. But this time, he was being inconsiderate.

”Right, because it’s so easy to pin the blame on me for that.” He breathed out, his eyes ripping away from me like he couldn’t look at me any further. I felt gutted, both at his words and at his closed off body language.

”Well I didn’t leave, did I?” 

Growing up, I had to learn to fight fire with fire. I also had to learn to douse myself out for others. I could always pick with wiseness between the two decisions, but now I had reached a singular point where I could no longer pick rationally. Fire with fire, it was.

”I don’t want to point out what you did, Y/N. I respect you. But if you want me to, I will.”

His voice was firm and I could tell he was recognising the slight age difference between us. He always reverted back into his big brother approach when that happened. 

“No, go ahead.” I pushed on, my voice raising.

”Who are you shouting at?” 

“I’m not shouting.” 

“Calm down. Or sit quietly on that chair and don’t say a single word.” He kept a watch on me and in that moment I felt more embarrassed than ever. It wasn’t the way that he was speaking with me, but it was the way that with every second, I felt like he was changing his opinion in his head of me. Man, did I live for him… as much as I never wanted to admit it. 

“Don’t tell me to calm down.” I mumble, feeling heat trickle the back of my neck. Before I knew it, footsteps came closed and I felt a hand hook under my chin, using slight force to pull it up. 

“Hmm?”

He was giving me a second chance. To redeem myself. To fix what I said.

”Don’t tell me to calm down.” 

He kept my chin in his hand, forcing me to keep eye contact with him. The silence between us was banging in my head now, as was my heart in my chest. 

“You really want to know what you did?” He let go of my chin and stepped back from me, face full of disappointment. 

My mind flickered back to that day, or rather should I say that night, when everything had changed between the both of us. The catalyst for all and yet only one of our problems.

“Well I suppose I should let Ms Perfect know, shouldn’t I? You never fuck up, right? Well, Ms Perfect. I had just told you how much I fucking loved you. And you know what you did the next day? You. Kissed. Someone. Else.” 

Chapter Text

That night was blurred, but there were certain contents of it that stuck out to me like 4K images on a brand new TV. Satoru, was right. But I was also right.

”Oh right, and you’re no fucking criminal too, huh Satoru?” I got up and walked up to him, all until our lips were barely away from one another. I watched his gaze falter until he kept them glued to my eyes, focused on me instead with my reaction. 

My eyes began to tear a little but I bit back the voice breaks and the shaky arms as I stepped away from him, letting my side of the story be known.

”You fucking loved me, right? Right? And yet I heard fucking everything. I know exactly what you said and how you embarrassed me to your friends, the night after we fucked. I stood outside that door and I heard everything. ‘She’s no one to me.’ ‘I have a girlfriend.’ ‘I would never have sex with Y/N, I don’t see her that way.’ ‘She’s too childish and immature’”

I saw concern seep into his eyes for the first time since we started arguing, and that activated something in me when I blinked and tears rolled down, but I roughly handled my own face, cursing the tears and pushing them to the side, stepping back and still raising my voice as I spoke to him.

”You took my fucking virginity. Then I listened to you for an hour.” My voice broke and I breathed in, collecting myself. “I listened to you say such hurtful words about me, all while I was freshly fucked by you! And yeah, yeah I’m no better. I kissed someone, right? But I only kissed someone because you spoke about how you had sex with someone else.” 

I could hear my own heart beat in my head, my face tattered with tears as I stood there, and suddenly I had the uncontrollable urge to let myself drown into tears on that Miami floor, despite whatever he may think of me. Instead I held it back and turned away from him, cupping my face in my hands and hiding it.

”Y/N.”

”No…” My voice was broken and passionate, not wanting to see his face. Or did I not want him to see me?

”Y/N…” I hadn’t realised he came so close until his palms made contact with my shoulder and he turned me around. I kept my hands glued to my face, but nothing could stop the noises of me crying, and the way that I had to gasp for air in between, feeling like I was going insane.

”Y/N… please, look.” His voice was completely back to being purely empathetic, rubbing my shoulders and trying to coax me to come out of the shell I’d built. 

“No…” I kept on resisting, all until he pressed me firmly against his chest. My arms dropped and I placed them against him, hiding my face into his skin now. 

“Baby… look.” I shook my head into his chest, crying out. I could tell he felt every bit of the liquid fall on to him, and with every second it felt harder for me to breathe, he would rub deeper into my back. 

“Can you please just listen then?” I didn’t respond, continuing to let out all my feelings into the flesh of the same man that produced them, seeking his comfort like it was liquid gold to me.

”I said all of that to… my father. Okay? Not my friends. My father found out we were… he saw you lying down in my arms in my room. I got up to unlock the door and get a glass of water and when I came back, I didn’t lock it. He walked in on us, and I was holding you. Thank God, you were fully in the blanket and he hadn’t seen you naked. I even put on a shirt and my boxers, and that worked for me.” 

I felt the scene play out in my head, and I blinked against him, listening with quietened sniffles now. 

“Why would I ever have told my father the truth about us in that moment, Y/N? To lose you? I would never want to lose you. Y/N… I nearly lost the company because he found us. It took me an hour of completely lying to him, all before he even allowed me to stay with you. He was going to let me stay. Then… I saw you kiss whoever the fuck that man was, and something in me burned,”

”You betrayed me, in my head. I thought I found the perfect reality but it was a fantasy, and that broke me. I didn’t have it in me to confront you, so like the immature one I was, I fled to America, just like he had wanted from me. I tried to forget about you, to move past it… but the image of you kissing that guy right after I just took your virginity was burned into my mind.”

I finally wiped my eyes and found my vision trailing up to his, my lip quivering a little as I looked into his face. His hand as always, found its way to my damp cheek and rubbed into it, wanting nothing more than to get rid of the glimmer it had, from the pain that the both of us had caused. 

“Baby… I would never say those things about you like that with truth in them. Never. Never to my friends too. I respect you too much to do that. It was just my father, and even then I regretted every second of it.”

”For a while, I believed that you kissing that douchebag and cheating on me was karma for the things I said about you, even if I didn’t mean a single second.”

I let my head tilt into his hands, seeking out more of his touch as I felt a dynamic shift between the both of us. In that moment, we were just 17 year old Y/N and 19 year old Satoru again. 

He reciprocated and kept his eyes stuck to me as he continued to knead my cheek in his hand, leaning in all of a sudden down to my face. I felt his kisses pepper the side of my jaw, walking me backwards. 

( song: idfc - blackbear ) 

My calf hit the side of the bed and I fell back, gripping on to him. He willingly fell with me and I was back on to those sheets, his actions not stopping. 

Kiss after kiss, we found a reignited passion. I pressed his lips against the areas I had wanted them, and he knew all of them before his lips would even land, finding each sensitive spot and not willing to remove himself from there. 

“M-mhh” I let out small noises, with no coherent words or signals, but he understood it all. 

“I’m sorry, baby… I’m sorry I left you for two years…” His lips ravaged me when he finished that sentence, opening up my mouth to him and forcing himself inside. He kissed me like a dead man come alive, trying to seize out my soul. 

“I’m sorry, baby…” The words were pressed against my body at this point and with each piece of clothing he slid down, he pressed his forehead against my own and did so. 

“So fucking… sorry…” The words were like a consistent mantra, and as much as they healed something in me, they spurred me on somewhere else. I pulled my legs out of my panties as he tantalisingly took them down, reaching for his shorts. 

He understood and with no haste they were off him, his cock erect as much as he felt in that moment a sense of dread over what he had caused me. 

I licked my lips for a second, preventing them from turning dry as I layered a kiss on his lips, my hand sliding down between the both of us as I kept a firm grip on his cock, tugging along his shaft. 

“Fuck… baby…” The tears stopped, and so did the noises of pain and upset. Now? Fuck, the room felt like a sauna and between the both of us, I could tell there was a collective consensus. 

Fuck the shit out of each other, just like we did when we were younger. 

If there was anything that both Satoru and I needed in this moment, then it was wasn’t marriage counselling. It was sex. 

“That’s it… good girl.” He breathed against my lips, his one had caressing info my hair and massaging into it as his other held him up against me, eyes fixated onto my hand working its way around his cock. 

He was thick in my hands, and wetter than he should’ve been. I had to decipher if that was sweat or not, but I didn’t care anyways. I felt my core get frustrated with me, tingling and sizzling as I wanted nothing more than to penetrate myself with him.

As if he knew, his hand stopped massaging into my hair and made its way, parting both of my legs with vigour and then finding my slit with ease.

”You’re still so wet for me?” His words landed in my ear as he tilted his head to the side to reach it, all his noises of breathing and groans reaching me at the clearest quality.

”Mhmm…” I didn’t even need to confirm it as his fingers did. He coated two of them deep into my slit, making sure to get them fully soaked all the way around before he stuck his tongue in my mouth, and his fingers into my hole. 

There was some resistance at first, and he didn’t attempt to pry me open. He took his time, letting only an inch of both his fingers inside of me, each time a little more of them getting thrusted into me.

Every now and then, he would stop invading my mouth, biting down on my lip, not enough to draw up blood as he let out ludicrous praises. “That’s it… take me like that baby…” 

I let out a little noise of need and desperation as he curled his fingers inside of me, knowingly finding my G spot and watching my expressions each time he pressed against it with the tip of his fingers, the way I gulped and my cheeks flushed in. 

The noises were his best telling of how I felt. Every time I let out incoherent strands that ended in whiny notes, he knew he was doing something completely right.

”That’s it… good girl…” The ending of that sentence came out a little shaky as my hand began to glide faster along his length, and pretty soon the both of us came to realise we were fucking each other off in a session of mutual masturbation. 

It didn’t seem to last long however, as eventually Satoru delivered a final kiss with his tongue down my throat, and the sharpest thrust into my pussy with his fingers, all before completely pulling back. My pussy let out a pop as his fingers came out and left me shuddering, and I watched as he removed my hand from his cock, sitting up and keeping me down. 

“Spread a little more for me, please…” The please was partly how much he felt he had to make it up to me, that I could tell. 

But he didn’t have to… he never did have to make it up to me.

I did as he said anyways, fully spreading my legs out to give him a clear view of everything he does to me, chest heaving a little in heat as my eyebrows turned knitted, waiting for him to make a move. 

The tip of his cock hit me first. He circled it around my clit, and I reached out for his arm which held my legs apart, squeezing his hand as our fingers intertwined.

He continued to tease me with the tantalising movements, up and down my pussy like it hadn’t already turned into a slip and slide of sorts.

I sought out my own friction as I began to roll my hips up against him, his cock making greater contact with my clit.

”You want it, baby?” I nodded my head almost profusely, forgetting my self respect for a second.

”How bad?” He increased the pressure as he rubbed his cock harder against me, his own breaths becoming deeper as he fought against the internal urge to plunge himself into me.

“Baby… please.” I looked up at him with intent, reaching down in between us for his cock with my free hand. His fingers that were directing it instead wrapped against my own, and he slightly prevented me from touching it.

”Come on baby… I can’t hear you. Use your words… just like you always do.” He came down to me now, pressing kisses down the side of my neck and directing his fingers to my clit, circling it as if the constant stimulation from his cock wasn’t enough to send me crazy. 

“Fuck… Satoru… Please… i want you in me so badly I can’t do this anymore… I can’t…” It got so bad I sounded like I was going to cry over it, a passion spread through the tone of my voice as I fought to collect pieces of my dignity, reduced beneath him to the title of his whiny, needy girl. 

He kept on rubbing my clit like there was no tomorrow, using his cock to trail along my slit and coat himself in my liquid, a natural lubricant to make things easier for me when it came to the time of him blowing into me like there was no tomorrow.

”Satoru…”

”Yes, Y/N?” 

“Please… Please just do it… Please put your cock inside of my pussy…” I brought my hand up to my face, covering it a little as the heat got to me and I began to let out lewd words, begging for him. 

He didn’t appreciate that, and instead he grabbed both my wrists and placed them above my head, stretching my body out so I was completely flat underneath him all except for my legs spread either side of me, watching as he scanned my body. 

“How needy are you for it, Y/N?” 

I hated the way he teased. I got butterflies and giggles always when I thought about it after, but in the moment I always did hate it. 

“I’m very fucking needy…” Well, he was not going to forget that. I’d have to endure the sex jokes for the rest of the year, about how much I need him. 

“You look so pretty all flustered, you know that right?” I turned away from him, hiding the immense blush on my face, but what was the point? I was like a red lightbulb at 10000 Watts. 

“Okay… I know what you want…” He continued to rub my clit with the tip of his cock, eventually letting it come down to my entrance. “You want…” His teeth bite down on my neck a little, making me let out a whimper as he continues to suck on the skin there. 

“This.”

The thrust was immense and made me let out a deep moan, and I felt all of his cock plunge into me from that angle, as much as he could even hope to shove in. His thighs pressed into the underside of mine and I felt the cool sweat of his body. I let myself adjust for merely a second before I encouraged him to begin to thrust, pulling him by his neck into me. 

In seconds, his tongue was back inside of my mouth and I let him pepper out kisses down the side of my jaw, biting against my lip as he delivered sharp, intent filled movements into me.

”Fuck…” 

“Yeah, that’s it…” He delivered thrusts to me like it was his job, relishing each and every one of my reactions like he lived on them. Grabbing my breast in his hand, he came down to my chest and began to lick stripes over my nipple, speaking between each affectionate act. “I’m sorry, baby…” It was deftly intimate, and I felt the friction fade away a little as I became wetter and wetter with each singular sound. 

He wrapped his damp lips around my nipple and looked up at my face, watching me deeply with those blue eyes as he sucked, coaxing a long ended moan out of me, making me clutch the satin sheets underneath both of us. 

His cock was rammed inside of me, reaching my G spot and even further with intensity, breaking barriers to make me feel good. I watched as he got up and off my chest, and I looked down to see several freshly formed hickeys on me, his painting something I would have to cover when I went back from Miami. 

I took in a good sight of him and licked my lips unconsciously, watching as light shone on his lines of abs and his biceps flexed as he pulled my legs up either side of him, his face fixated on me as much as mine was on him. 

“Pretty…” I couldn’t hear the rest of what he had said but I didn’t need to, as he accentuated how he felt about me by lifting my legs up to my chest, folding me like a pretzel and then discovering a new angle of making me see stars. 

“Fuck… Satoru…” 

“Y/N…” 

We played a back and forth game of reciprocation, and I reached out for him constantly, arms determined to grab and yank him down to my level every time. He did so willingly, each action leaving me with a brand new hickey on my neck, like a reward he’s earned to paint me with. 

“Come on, get up.” Although he had commanded for me to do so, he did all of the work himself, lifting me up with two hands hooked under my shoulders and rising to his feet. I felt his cock drop out of me and shuddered at the emptiness, but soon enough it was filled back up again. He stood beside the bed with me, hair all tousled as he targeted my pussy with his length, slamming it in and pulling my hips up and down. 

My legs were wrapped tight around his waist for security and I held on to him, hands around his neck and head against his chest as he continued to manoeuvre my ass, using me like a flesh light as he thrust in and push me towards his cock. 

“That’s it baby, I want you to bounce on it…” That, I was 100% doing. In fact, it was the only thing I was doing. I could feel his cock entering so far deep inside of me, there were times he had to lift me up to prevent hurting me. I was grateful for those moments, but in a sense I sort of liked the pain. 

“That’s it… look at you… so pretty getting all fucked out.” I felt his hand slide down to my clit as he backed me up against the wall, using the other hand to hold my entire body up. I knew Satoru was strong, but years of working out made him into even more of a man than he was when I first met him. 

I whimpered again as his movements on my clit became harsh, and I felt his cock twitch inside of me a little as he groaned, my walls sucking him in.

The build up was always the best part. 

He didn’t give me a single moment of rest, taking me off the wall and placing me on the dresser where I had thrown my dress off, spreading me so far apart I felt like I was doing yoga for a second, all as he kept playing with me, two fingers pinching my nipples hard and the other circling my clit, all to make me react the way he wanted. 

“Fuck… Satoru… I’m gonna…” 

We were both a heaping, sweaty mess. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him deeper into me and trapping him, his eyebrows furrowing out of restraint as he came down to me, whispering into my ear. 

“You ready to come baby? You want to come for me?” 

“Yes… Yes please…” 

“You want to come for Satoru?” 

“Yes… Fuck… yes I want to come for you… Please!”

”Wrap around me baby… come.” His fingers rubbed circles so fast around my clit that he forced my orgasm out, and I kept my legs wrapped firm around him, shaking as he kept on going, making sure I squeezed him to the fullest extent before I let go. 

“Oh… oh fuck you’re wrapping so fucking tight… Y/N… wait!” I felt a liquid load fill inside of me for the first time, my insides getting practically poured into by hot spurts, and I didn’t want it to stop. I let him keep going, holding him to me but it isn’t like he resisted at always anyways. 

He delivered some final thrusts into me, all just to let the last drops make their way out, before he pulled out of me. 

His cock tip was covered in his own cum and my liquids, and he collapsed on top of me, holding me close to him. 

“Fuck… I’m sorry baby… Will you forgive me for saying those things about you now?” He was out of breath, his skin connected to mine as we ignored the blazing heat between the both of us. 

“It-It’s fine…” 

“No it’s not fine… I’m never fucking leaving you again…” He picked me up with those words and ease, placing me down gently on the bed and then getting in besides me.

“You sore?” 

“No…” 

“You too fucked out?” I thought to myself for a second, replaying everything that had happened in the past 7 minutes. “Um… No.” 

“We take a break and then go for more?” A smirk was plastered on his face in seconds as he finally took control of his breath, resting his head on his palm, and his elbow on the bed as he admired me in my vulnerable state.

”Y-yes?”

And we did. Again. And again. And again. And… I’ll let you guess.

Hint: Again. 

Chapter Text

We were back in Tokyo after our journey had ended. 

Since it was the summer, I had spent my time inside of the house, mostly lazing around on beach chairs near the pool and reading a book, letting the sun tan me as I lay in a bikini. 

Satoru was the typical Satoru and after working he would come and find me, undressing to his boxer shorts and dropping into the pool, making me cover my book to protect it from the splashes of water that emerged. 

The times where I wasn’t lazing around there, Satoru would take me on long drives with him. We would end up staying in different places for hours, only coming back in the dead of the night.

It was difficult to make eye contact with his father upon coming back. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to look at your son and step daughter draped over one another in the same bed, practically barely dressed. ( Or so he had thought. )

This time I was laying on the sofa with my stomach down, pillow pressed under my head as I held on to it. I was told no one would be home for hours, so I settled for thin shorts and a bra, watching the news. I kept a robe beside me just in case, relaxing while hearing the words of the presenter.

”Fushiguro Company has crashed…” I cringe as the words come out, knowing that in a sense that happened all because of me. It was eye opening to recognise how much power I managed to have, in truth. 

My mind flickered back to the way Toji Fushiguro tried to touch me, and I had to swallow back the vomit that tried to pile out of me. If it wasn’t for Satoru, who knows what the men in my life who suddenly find me would’ve tried? I wasn’t exactly good at attracting the best, after all. 

“His son, Megumi Fushiguro released a statement…” 

I felt disrupted, listening intently until the TV shut off and left me on edge, not knowing what the boy had said. I sat up in confusion, sprawling around on the sofa and looking for the TV remote.

”What a pretzel. You look like you’re playing twister half naked.” I jump back a little as Satoru speaks, my first reflex to grab my robe. 

“There’s no point of that sweetheart, I know everything from the down below.” 

“Haha, you’re so funny Satoru… Obviously I thought you were someone else. Anyways, why are you here now?” 

“Can’t a man see his girl?” He looked at me like I was being preposterous, slumping down besides me on the sofa and undoing his tie in one tug, feigning exhaustion besides me. 

“So dramatic…” I pointed out, finally gripping the TV remote from out of his hands. He took the opportunity of me bending for the remote to grab me by my torso, pressing me against him and holding me tight.

I let out a slight giggle, unable to prevent the smile that formed across my lips as he held me tight like I was a teddy bear of some sorts, cradling me into his lap.

”Hey! Stop…” 

He smiled back at me, grinning as he leaned in, pressing a peck to my nose. 

“You’re so irritated for no reason, you know that? Just sit quietly and let me hold you for a second…” I sighed and complied, crossing my arms over and resting my head against his chest, figuring if he was going to manhandle me in such a way, I might as well have used him as if he was the sofa.

”See. Was that so bad? 

“Whatever, Satoru.” 

He mocked me, repeating my words back to me in the same tone and then delivering a strong kiss to the side of my neck, with enough force to tilt my head. 

“Hey!” 

“Shush.” I rolled my eyes at him but did as told, his hand grabbing my jaw and keeping me in place as he peppered my cheek in kisses.

He finally pulled back after about 20 seconds, face glued to my red cheek. 

“What’s that thing people say?” I could see him thinking back in his head, the way he looked away for a second, just lost in thought while still maintaining such a strong grip on me.

”Oh… you’re so cute I could… eat you.” He said the last couple words in a seductive tone, making me push his head away in fake disgust. 

“You’re so cringe… you’re like a millennial and you’re only 2 years older than me…” 

“It’s not my fault you like old men. You reverse cougar.” I side eyed him, letting him feel the embarrassment from his own words.

“If I’m a reserve cougar what does that make you? You like young girls!” 

He scoffed, lifting me up closer to him in his arms, all until I was right next to his face. 

“Say sorry.” He put on a stern expression and pressed his forehead against mine, furrowing his brows and looking at me, faking anger.

”No.”

”Say it.” 

‘“No!” 

“Alright then.” I was pinned down in seconds and he was on top of me, no regard for the fact that he was in tight work clothes as he kept me down, tickling me in all the areas he knew would work. I felt laughter and pain come out of me simultaneously, trying to push him off as he continued to reach out to tickle my neck, leaving me helpless.

”Wait… wait! Time out!” He paid no need to me, and soon enough he gave me a break by pinning my hands over my head and relaxing the tickle with pecks all over my neck and body, making sure no bit of me was left out. 

“You gonna say sorry?”

”Fuck! Okay… Jeez… I’m sorry.” 

“Good job.” He ridiculed, letting me catch my breath as I lay there. 

He stayed sat on top of me, and for a second he did nothing but just watch me. 

“You gonna move or you want our parents to find us in missionary?”

He let out a little laugh at my joke, unable to hold it together completely, taking amusement at my words.

”We already maxed out that capacity in Miami, remember?” 

I shook my head, playing non-chalant and crossing my arms over.

”Oh… Oh Satoru…” He fake moaned into my ear, dodging as I tried to hit him with the palm of my hand,

”Oh Satoru… I need you!” 

“How can someone be this humanely annoying?” 

“Oh please… you love me.”’

”So do you!” 

He pressed a kiss to my lips to shut me up, pulling back and pinching my cheeks.

”How cute… of course I do. Don’t be dumb, Y/N. How could I ever not love you?” 

“Man… whatever.” I pull him to me, wrapping my hands around him and hugging him tight, legs wrapped around his waist. 

He reciprocated for a full 20 seconds, lingering and falling deeper into the hug with every second, making sure every part of me was pressed into every part of him. 

Then I felt him fight to let go, pulling back from me and glancing down. 

“Hey… I got you a gift. I’m going on a work trip so I figured, maybe I’d get you something till then. You know?” 

“Oh please, what is it? A cheesy pick up line? If so I can’t do tho-“ 

My voice simmered down into silence as he rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a small, 4 by 4 box. 

“Satoru…” 

“What?” He pulled out the ring and adorned it on my left hand, on my fourth finger. 

“Satoru…”

”Come on Y/N, the english dictionary gave you words for a reason. Satoru isn’t the only one in there.” 

I playfully hit him but the impact is the weakest I’ve ever given, hand limp as I find my mind fully directed towards the gem he’s just decorated my finger with. 

“How much?” My eyes flicker up to him instantly and I gulp, seeing how relaxed he is. 

“Nothing.” 

“Stop… how much?” 

“Shush… just wear it and look pretty, okay?” 

He held my cheeks in his hand, still on top of me as he smiled down, caressing my cheekbones. 

“You know money means nothing when I’m with you.” 

-

Satoru left, and I began to admire my ring. I turned the TV back on and in my head I pictured it. It pictured it all, even though it was seemingly nonsensical. Walking down the aisle to him. Spending my life with him. Having children with him. 

I couldn’t picture it with anyone else, no matter how much I had attempted. How could something so wrong at the same time feel so holy?

The gem glinted to me, a light shining that promised me a better shot at the future. One that I could maybe… just maybe… delve into. 

I loved Satoru, more than anything. He always knew exactly what to say and do, and even though we both fucked up, to which the extent of who did the most fucking up is debatable, it was clear by any regard that he knew me. He knew me enough to reel out whatever emotions I was feeling and collect them, nurturing them and then placing positive ones back inside of me. 

I pulled my finger up to my lips and kissed it, pretending it was Satoru’s love for me. 

God, I wanted to marry him. More than anything.

”And this is ground breaking, I’ll take it over to Sibuki.”

“Thank you, Shizu. I regret to inform the viewers of a horrible plight that has come. Shortly after the news of the Fushiguro family’s unseen fall, I’m seeing that calls have been made and there has been video footage for a whole other issue. A car has been located on the motorway, brutally destroyed and tattered. A body was taken out, and it has been confirmed. Gojo Satoru fell victim to a car accident. And is now in a comatose state, at Risu Hospital.” 

Chapter Text

1 month later:

Ring wrapped around my finger, I glanced at it and no longer. It was a distasteful memory, and I couldn’t bare to think of how it had been forced on.

I was in Madrid, Spain. My husband had business to attend to, and of course as the pretty and obedient wife he made me into, I followed everywhere. 

The heat blasted down on to my feet and I stared at them, swollen. I had walked around, all day trailing behind him like a dog with no rebel instinct, not once being asked if we should take car instead.

I had wanted to go shopping and so at the end I finally asked him, voice a little shaky as I did so.

“Could you take me to this local place? It’s called Spencer’s mall.”

Hesitantly, he allowed me to when I explained why, coming alongside with me. Cameras clicked from every angle as we walked out of the hotel we were in, and I had to pull my hat down to prevent the flash from burning into my eyes. 

They called out his name and my own everywhere we went, trailing like a swarm of mosquitoes. Although at this point? I would’ve preferred all of the mosquitoes. 

At least entering the car was cool. The AC counteracted the heat that was radiating off of my body, and I pressed a hand against myself as I looked out of the window. Happy families, happy walks. Happy people, happy talks, 

Maybe I would just go insane on the inside.

Eventually, the taxi pressed to a halt and of course, with the skill they had the paparazzi were lined up and waiting, ready to greet us. 

“Could you give any comments on-“ 

Blurring them out was the best thing to do. I had learnt that over the past few months, all since what happened had happened. 

The steps up to the mall included him not helping me at all, rather standing at my side with a flimsy shirt on and a set of shorts, watching me silently as I made my way through the lines of shops. 

I let out a sigh as we reached the end, pressing a hand to my back. I experienced a bit of back pain, but it was typical. 

He rolled his eyes at me as I entered the shop, deciding to make his first comment of the day towards me. 

I wondered why I even came to Spain with him, when he wasn’t helpful at all. All he did was criticise me, and ridicule me.

”What’s the point of buying something like that when you have 8 months left? It won’t happen any time soon.”

I hesitated for a moment, staring at the design. Trucks, or bows? I didn’t even know. I didn’t know what to address this predicament by, but it was a predicament that 1 month had taught me to love regardless.

Retracting myself from the hangers, I placed the baby clothes back down and decided to look into the woman’s section, seeking out maternity clothing to accompany me for the time my stomach would stretch.

Hand clasped over myself, I felt goosebumps trickle over my body. How was I going to raise this child? 

Chapter Text

I was sat back at the hotel, watching as the grandfather clock in the lobby mocked me, a pendulum swinging beneath from side to side, counting down the seconds of dread I spent. 

I had already begun to notice the smallest of changes. and yet somehow they impacted me the most. The heat flushes? They were horrendous. Especially in that Spain heat. 

Hana had assisted me on the way to the airport to get there, offering to lift my luggage and carry it for me. Afterwards, I stood awkwardly at the counter as the woman blinked, glancing at my wikipedia page and then my passport, all while seeming confused as to why I was travelling alone, and required the bare minimum for assistance. 

“I don’t mean to intrude but-“ 

“He’s already there.” 

A month of knowing him had taught me that everyone was always going to question if he was still in the picture or not. No matter what, they would glance at me with eyes of irreducible pity, heads turning from side to side as they whispered words, like I was deaf instead of unlucky. 

I snapped out of my incessant thoughts as I heard the familiar clearing of his throat, all as he sat down on the opposite side of me on the sofa, tying his shoelaces. 

“Your ticket is booked. Go back to Tokyo. There’s an event there and I need you to be there for publicity.” 

His words were harsh and there was no lingering care towards me. Even as I sat there, holding the baby in my stomach with my facial expressions contorted into that of masked rage over how someone could be so ignorant, he just chose to avoid our eyes meeting and instead lazily toss a ticket to me.

It didn’t even land on the sofa. It landed on the floor. I had to pick it up.

The sheer audacity of this man had me questioning if for once perhaps it was because of the hormones and not the act, but then a brand new article would come out of the woodworks everyday, shaping my opinion.

‘A business man? Or a merciless finance machine?’ I would read that title out to Hana every day while lying down on her bed, eating grapes that she brought for me in a bowl and having more to complain about when it came to him.

Although a part of me embodied humour to cope with having to raise my child with such an obnoxious man, there were days when the insomnia got so bad I couldn’t sleep on repeat, and I would wake up with severe eye-bags from the sheer stress I would enter the bed with. 

‘Would this man even care about my child?’

‘Does that mean I have to change nappies every day for years on end?’ 

At some points I would shake my head and wrap my arms tight around my torso, letting the heat of my palms spread through to the rest of my ice cold body, acting as some heat to attempt to embrace me. 

I had missed being embraced. 

“Are you not going to drop me off?” He stilled in his movements, suit creasing a little as he got halfway up. For a second, I could’ve sworn he contemplated, but just like that he was fully stood up again and shaking himself off. 

“No.” 

With that, I watched his figure disappear off into the distance and out of the golden set of revolving doors. At least he picked a rich hotel. 

If all the people in the world had the one dollar each, then there would be approximately 8 billion dollars. And yet somehow? This man had 8 billion tied to his name alone, and not a penny of it was deserved. 

I had scrolled many nights online like the insecure and deprived mother I had become, chewing on pistachios with passion as I read through the comments on posts and stories and let out painfully annoyed laughter. 

“Gold-digger? What gold is there to dig?!” 

That night my mind flickered back to easier times, and I found myself gulping when a lump in my throat formed, my eyes collecting liquid and blurring in seconds from my memory. 

I had to move forward. For the sake of my child. 

Hana was the most worried, out of anyone. Yuta was shocked by my actions that came afterwards, but Hana never let me despite. She stuck by my side and she made me feel less like a stuck out, unwanted sore thumb. 

“You did what you had to do.” 

I lived by those words and if I could I would’ve tattooed them in fierce and bold letters across my chest, but alas what good is being there to flaunt off when you’re covered in doodles? He would’ve lost reasoning for me and dumped me to the side, likely taking everything from me. 

My mother was content. She was at peace, sending me flowers every couple weeks with notes of encouragement written on them. She cheered me on in my pregnancy and aided me, and yet somehow she felt like the greatest misguider for my child. How could she be so cruel, to let me get married to someone so soulless, so long as he had cash?

My step father despised the marriage. He despised how it had begun, and what points it had led to for the sake of his company. 

Either way, most people didn’t like my husband. They found him to be selfish, cold and the least controversial but the most unique, they also thought he was gay. 

Not once did he ever touch or hug or say words of affection towards me, all disincluded from his list of acts for the day, unless we were in front of flashing lights. God, how I hated the media.

At first when I had encountered them two years ago, I hadn’t liked them much but now? They had greater issues of mine to talk about. They looked to my life story like it was a tragic biography, painting me out to be this maiden trapped inside of a tower, all while planting the seed in the common folk’s mind that I was also a malicious temptress,

God forbid a girl tries to get something out of her plight.

Regardless, when I landed down in Tokyo I had to put on my sunglasses and study the floor while walking to the car, all of the twitter comments I had run into suddenly actualising in the form of voices of grown men and women with nothing better to do. 

‘Is the baby okay? Are you an almond mum?’ You can’t be an almond mum if the baby isn’t even here yet, you dumb fuck.

’Y/N… Y/N L/N! Any comments about… about your-“ 

I ignored those ones the most. At that point I would pretend to fidget or fix my earring, using the back of my finger knuckle to press down the inside of my ear and block myself from hearing anything.

Nothing ever really got to me, but that question. That was the one that could’ve tripped me over, any time of day.

My bodyguards eventually found me outside of the airport, and despite several cars trailing down either side of us, their lives on the line precariously as they risked everything just to reel out an answer from me, I put in my set of earphones from times of being in my high school, letting the playlist I always listened to then play now. 

The ride continued on and I observed each of the buildings, making up stories in my head of who lives inside of each one. That was the only way to remove the burning image of men plastered to either side of the car window, signs they held up showcasing ‘Money whore!’ In large, bold and red letters. Those were the kind of people I didn’t mind getting hurt. They deserved it more than others.

My summer dress clung to my body with the sweat that held it together, forcing me to air out the sleeves in discomfort. The chauffeur had offered to turn up the AC but I declined. What point is comfort when temporary, when the rest of your life will be discomfort? I was trapped in a hell of some sort and I’d rather have forever remained in there, than to get a taste or semblance of peace. 

“Honestly Ma’am… you’re pregnant. You should be taken care of.” 

“It’s nothing.” The words were bitter as they left my tongue, and sour to the taste. I’d never wanted to be the apathetic non-caring mother, yet here I was. 

“Ma’am…” His words were gentle and I could tell he saw me for the troubles I was forced into, and yet regardless as we pulled up to the glinting black gates that opened up to me menacingly, I grew a heart of stone. 

I’d learnt to mask my emotions well, and yet it wasn’t necessarily hard regardless. What emotions did I feel but those that fell under a grey shade? 

“I’ll park the car.” That was the signal for me to bid my goodbyes, and I came out of the car with a slight groan at the sizzling of the Tokyo heat, watching with gratitude as a man came and pulled my luggage out of the back. 

“I appreciate it.” I finally looked up to make eye contact and it was the servant who I’d relied on in late nights to cover for me, opening up the door when even… other people didn’t know where I had been. 

He flashed me a hesitant and weak smile, and in that moment I knew he saw me the same way everyone else did. Reduced to someone to pity, for the life she lived. 

A month ago, they would’ve greeted me with passion and joked about how tanned I looked. They would’ve never been hesitant with me.

But what can you do? The seconds change and so does the people. Sometimes you can’t blame them, and instead you can only blame the situation for causing such a detriment. 

I pulled up the ends of my dress and watched in front of me, hands instinctively over my stomach. It was a some mothers do it kinda thing. You know? The conscious and lurking fear that your baby could just any time suffer injuries by the slightest fall or hit. It dominated a lot of my thoughts now, even though they was merely a credible size inside of me. 

“Ma’am… I… I should let you know,”

”Later, please. I appreciate you for helping me, though.”

Silence. I needed silence like I needed to breathe oxygen. I needed to get away from all of it. For just a second, I needed that little peace I had been avoiding so. Maybe I should take a glimpse of it, just so that I can reorient myself. 

I pushed open the front door, servant beside me clutching the suitcase as I was met with a gust of AC wind, taking a step into the house. 

“Hello? Is anyone alive?” I pressed a hand to my back, straightening it as I felt the pain tighten a little, thanking the servant for placing my suitcase at the middle where the TV was located. Heat dripped off in the form of sweat at my back, further messing with my senses. 

I let out a small burst of frustration to myself, kissing my teeth and speed-walking until the middle, wondering what was making the place so silent. 

Everywhere I looked, I was met with dull porcelain and marble, and no sign of a single soul. Perhaps I should’ve walked in with it asking and they would still be there, but yet again lady luck chose to tease me relentlessly.

”Hello?” I felt heat spread through down to my shoulders now, but this time it wasn’t because of the surrounding temperatures. It was awfully quiet. My mother was always home in the heat, as she avoided tanning as much as possible. That was just the colourist, backwards minded agenda of hers speaking. 

“I swear to God…” I let out in a small mumble, the only noise for miles being the click clack of my flip flops against the cool floor. 

“Hello?” 

Chapter Text

My mother sprawled out of a room, looking paler than usual. I gulped as I analysed her quickly forming expressions, greeting me with fraudulent tranquility. 

“Ah, you’re back.” 

“And you’re hiding something.” 

As much as my mother tried to keep me hidden and pressed down like a bird in a cage, there were things she couldn’t sweep up under the rug. I always could tell.

”Nonsense. You say things like that and even the baby will taunt you.” I roll my eyes at her mindless words and like always she invades my space, exposing my stomach to the universe as she pulls up my dress, mid hallway just to see the ever so slight bump in my stomach. 

It had just looked like I was bloated, more than anything. 

“The baby understands how I feel about you, so really who is it taunting?” She flashed me a look to warn me not to continue, setting down her glasses on a nearby table with a passive aggressive manner. 

“You will learn to behave yourself. You have a child coming, Y/N.” I hated that the most. hated it more than anything she told me. The way she felt so entitled to decide how I was going to live my life with my child, like she had been there to assist me more than hurtling criticism and offering to fix my posture. Yes, she had been useful in buying what was necessary for the next two years. But mentally? I was alone in this.

I could vividly remember how merely weeks ago, after news of my pregnancy she caught me crying against the side of my window, and her first response was to tell me to pretend I was okay. She said that if the journalists and paparazzi saw me crying while the window let them access such a sight, then I would be the laughing stock of the next day.

”I’m hungry.” I notified her with a press of my palm over my bump, leaning against the dresser where she had placed down her glasses. The concern, if there was any, had fled from her eyes and she looked up at me as though I was some form of a nuisance and an obstacle, all for voicing out the need for my child to eat. 

“We have around a hundred maids and you’re telling me?” 

My mother wasn’t always like this. When we first came to the manor, she kept on a strong personality both in front of me and my step father, showing optimism more than anything.

But now? Her true colours were seeping out and they weren’t mixing to form a rainbow, but a murky shade of brown. She was reverting back to how she treated me before we had come to the manor, and i found myself delving into flashbacks of that room, and the deepest secrets I had locked up in there. 

“God forbid I want to seek help from my mother on how to be a mother.” I murmured, turning on my heel hastily, not wishing to endure her talk any longer as I likely would’ve exploded in front of her. And who knows, maybe that would’ve earned me a sour look for days.

I kept a strong face in front of everyone. I had to. If you were in my situation, you would’ve as well. I had to pretend to be a force that shouldn’t be reckoned with, all for the sake of the child that was brewing inside of me and would come to form my legacy. Our legacy.

Any time I thought of it, a hole formed in the centre of my chest and I gathered that as being my heart telling me it was in pain, my upper half tightening as I fought to fight back tears and the slight ache within my throat. 

Our legacy?

The steps seemed to sink beneath my feet as I felt myself escape from reality for mere seconds, my mind tracing back into the past as I wondered what would’ve occurred had things gone differently. What would I have done? Did I betray? Or did I save? 

I reached the top and my mind continued to fleet with words that were too quickly for me to process or rationalise, instead building up the beating of my thundering heart. 

Did I do the right thing? Was it worth it? How long?… How long do I keep this to myself?

I felt sick by the time I made it to my room, glancing over at the room on the opposite side. My hand gripped the ice-like handle as I felt the feeling spread through to my arm, and yet that wasn’t what was making me turn limp. 

I was defeated, staring at a room that hadn’t been entered in for a month. 

Satoru… when will you wake up from the hospital? And how will I hide the truth from you? That this is your child. 

-

I attended events frequently, like I had explained before. Knowing that, I also had to constantly maintain my image and that included getting my eyebrows threaded and my hair professionally done, as per my husband’s wishes. I adhered to his rules, but it was never out of my own intent. I had to do it. That was the only way.

The house never mentioned his name. They avoided speaking about him like he was a ghost, and more times than countable I found myself glancing at his father to try and guess whether or not he held any pity. 

I was helpless. Had it not been for my child, I would’ve never been ripped away from his side.

I could still remember the events like they were veins on my arm, piercingly obvious and memorable.

The smell of the hospital room. The lack of resistance every time I moved his hand. The taunting beep of the machine that was measuring whether or not the love of my life was still alive. I would feel sick entering that room, but I would bear with it just knowing that I would get to see him. 

Then eventually, they banned me. It started off with subtle gestures. His father would come in and pick me off from my knees on the floor beside him, gripping my shoulders and convincing me to move away while tears swarmed me and kept me overwhelmed. 

Then it got to a point where I was beginning to recognise the power they were taking on over the situation. It went from “Visitors 2 hours a day” to nurses glancing at his father as they began to stutter, claiming he couldn’t see anyone for the time being.

Then, the drivers would peer into their front mirrors at my desperate eyes, and I could see their restraint as they let me know that they weren’t allowed near the hospital. I would’ve walked there.

I would’ve crawled for him. 

And yet of course they took advantage and shifted him to a hospital no human could access via feet. 

They played the game well, I had to have admitted that. Marrying me off willingly with no complaints, to a man who didn’t even have the best of reputations to begin with? I had to applaud them for that silently when I was alone, trying to prevent myself from going insane as I found laughter slipping out of my mouth just thinking of the lengths they would go to. 

But worst of all wasn’t Satoru’s conniving father. Nor was it my manipulative mother.

The worst part of it all had to have been the fear in me to survive day by day. 

The first night, he didn’t touch me. I prayed he hadn’t, and I begged to God that he would look at me like I was the filthiest thing on Earth, just to never even think of pressing a palm to my skin. 

My prayers were heard, and they were handed to me. But a palm was pressed to my skin. To my cheek, with full passion every time. 

The first night he only slapped me, and that was simply for if I even dared to speak up about Satoru and mention him. 

It was only slaps since, all up until recently. 

I was in front of the news and apparently I hadn’t smiled in the perfect manner. An article came out on the second highest watched channel, and it was all about ‘Y/N L/N trapped in an arranged torture.’ 

The irony was special. The news had wanted me to get out safely so bad, aligning with some views of their own viewers and yet somehow they made my struggle far worse. 

Slap, kick, hit, throw and whip.

God knows where a man like that even gets a whip from. 

At no point did I let that act as an excuse though, for me to completely collapse under him like others would do. I wasn’t the one to kneel down and do his bidding, providing him with all the things he had wanted out of me. 

I still lifted my chin as I spoke to him, no matter how many lashes it earned me when accumulated.

In day, he was stoic, apathetic and cool headed to everyone. At night, I was his personal cigarette. He stepped on me every time he was done, and discarded me with no mercy. 

I knew my mother saw it too. I knew so did Satoru’s father. I didn’t let Hana however. How could I? Hana would’ve dragged me by the hand and forced me to stay with her. Then what would’ve been the point of it all? 

I instead sat silently and prayed internally that maybe God would cut the line on the cord that was keeping me alive, and spare my child the torture that its mother was being severed into. 

Abuse was never something new to me, but merely something I didn’t want to recognise ever as being a part of my home. 

-

This night was different from the rest. I would be put to the test and judged by all means, from the onlookers of my own deceptive family and from my husband himself, sat on his high horse the entirety of the night as he dreamt of the ways he would take his anger out on me afterwards.

It was never a coincidence. It was planned revenge.

I gripped the bottom of my dress and sifted the fabric into my fingers, pulling it upward as I came up the steps into the hall. He allowed me to wear something that flowed, as I had complained to him about the intensity of the heat.

The scowl on his face as I had said so was something no sane mother could forget so easily. But the abuse was different. It’s different when you’re a mother. Because all of a sudden, it’s not about how much it pains. It’s about how much you can protect what’s inside of the vessel you are. 

As long as I could clutch my stomach and curl in, I could take it.

A hand gripped on my shoulder and I turned, the ice cold skin seeping into my own as my eyes widened, glancing at the unexpected grabber. 

“Well, you look decent tonight.” He could never compliment me past that, but I was grateful. I would’ve hurled at his feet had he attempted, feeling sick out of my stomach.

”Likewise.” I watched the smile on his face falter ever so slightly but a single flash was able to make it reappear, just like a magic trick. Thank you, paparazzi.

”Where is your family?” I leaned back from him and surveyed the area for any possible ideas, looking for a woman dressed in an overly bold manner and a workaholic looking man stood beside her. 

“No clue.” Even I found it suspicious. My mother was always the first to enter such an event and make attempts to be the belle of the ball, and yet not a single sight of her was there to be seen. 

“Late. How lacking of class.” I felt my face resist responding to his shameless little statement, unable to bear the idea that he could possibly call anyone else classless when he himself would be so lacking of character when the doors were locked.

”You have something to say about that?” 

I felt a sizzle climb up my open back and my head within seconds began to shaker to signify I hadn’t, avoiding his gaze. Instead, I drew it down to my phone where I was fumbling with the keyboard, texting my mother. 

“I would’ve thought so.” 

Had it not been for this child, I would’ve drop kicked him for those comments. 

-

Regardless, before I could finish typing out the rest of my spam to my careless parent, we were both interrupted in our tension by the clinking of a glass, coming from the centre of the hall. 

I straightened my back and plastered on the typical content look of a thrilled and entertained wife, knowing that any second now the cameras from the upper balcony would be switched on. They preyed on me like hell, and hence I had come to learn over time exactly when to be a doll, and when to be a human being. 

“I would like to hold the attention of all of the beautiful, magnificent ladies and the wisdom-carrying men who are attending the event tonight.” 

I kept my focus on the man, refusing to let my eyes avert even though in my head all that could run through was where the hell my family was at. 

“You join us today at the commemoration of a special anniversary. This is a time of rejoice and reflection, as we look back with our current state at how we built the foundation of Geson Corps.” 

Geson Corps was another call on the list that my husband would frequently attend to, and any time he was on the phone with them it would end in a glass being thrown across the room, from yet another deal that didn’t go exactly how he had anticipated.

And yet tonight? Pure joy, forced right there as he strained his cheek muscles and faked the boy-like twinkle in his eyes.

”We celebrate… not only for our past selves turning into our now, but for our losses turning into our profits. We learn from this experience with every anniversary, that we should never underestimate what we are capable of.”

The man picked up a champagne bottle from beside him on the table, preparing himself with a fork screwed as he pointed it towards the crowd. Thank God I had picked the back. 

“We drink… and we cheer and we hold each other up. We allow ourselves to enter this new arc in our life, and we let the story unfold in ways we cannot determine. So I say thank you, to this crowd and to myself. For times to last!” 

Slam. My head snapped to the side and I jolted at the noise, my heart stopping as I thought to maintain consciousness, my eyes falling upon a sight that I could’ve never anticipated. Oxygen surged through to my mind and I had to convince myself I hadn’t turned schizophrenic. Everyone else’s heads turned with me, and I watched as the host himself placed the champagne back down, mouth widening at the sight. 

Fuck… fuck he was only looking at me. No… fuck.

I took a step back from my husband and gulped, footsteps aimed straight at me from the other end of the hall as my mother trailed behind, fighting in the difficulties of the dress she had picked to be able to reach out and grab the force that would get to me first. 

My entire body felt lit up with every step that was taken, and I had to fight the internal urge to cry right there, in front of everyone. What PR training could I have ever received for this? 

With every second coming closer, cologne I hadn’t smelt in an entire month spilled into my nose and my eyes creased as I dared to keep looking. 

“Fuck…” I let out under my breath, and surely enough that was the greatest response. 

He finally came up to me, and I felt the air leave my body as I stayed with an expression I couldn’t tear from my face. My lip quivered and I found his eyes, a single tear crashing down the side of my cheek as he kept his eyes firmly focused on mine. 

“Come.” Without a word more, his hand wrapped around mine and I had to lift my dress as he wasn’t going to stop. This was the force that could not be reckoned with. I couldn’t tell what would’ve been running through his mind, but whatsoever I felt pain surge through me as I studied his features. 

“W-why are you covered in blood?” He didn’t respond to me, gripping around my wrist even tighter as he kept me beside him, dragging the both of us out of the hall. 

“S-Satoru?” 

He didn’t stop for mere seconds, nor did he look back at me until we reached the very end of the hall. Pulling me with no hesitation, he spun me around until I was out of the threshold of the door, grabbing the handles of the heavy wooden entrances and using his amassed strength to collide them shut behind me. 

Finally, he met my face again and we couldn’t remove our gaze from one another. The man I hadn’t seen for so long, finally had come back to me. 

“S-Satoru… you- you’re covered… Blood…” I breathed out, reaching out for his shirt, just to be able to caress him once and feel him. Just to know that he was okay. 

He stopped my hand mid air, yanking me forward and suffocating me into his hold, gripping me tight with both arms and pressing me into him.

“No amount of fucking blood in this world… no amount could stop me coming here to you.” 

Chapter Text

His cologne rarely changed. If it did, it would always be the one I’d pick out for him, or he would revert back to his signature scent for a while. Even if someone blindfolded me, and tasked me to identify him out of a group of men, my nose would be able to do the entire job seamlessly. 

So when I found myself pressed up against him like there was no tomorrow, his upper half doing all it could in a tight hold to hide me away from the rest of the world, I lost all coherent thought and clung on to that same scent, finding a familiarity in it I couldn’t explore anywhere else. 

“How long?” 

Those were the only words to come out of him for the entirety of that moment. 

“Around 5 weeks.” 

I could feel him squeeze me harder as a result of my timid response, his fingers trailing up the back of my head to shield me with greater efficiency. 

“Satoru… why do you have blood on you?” That was another thing. As thick as the scent of his cologne and natural smell was, nothing could get rid of the lingering flood of blood that came out of his clothes. Painted red, he refused to pay attention to his own state, instead focusing on mine.

”They didn’t want me here.” I stepped back from him reluctantly, scanning over his wrinkled, before white shirt as he let me do so, his hand finding his own hair as he ran his fingers through it, thinking to himself. 

“S-Satoru… you look… you look weak.” He wasn’t his usual self, by any regard. His under eyes had become severely hollow and his hands were shaking to keep me close. For the first time, Satoru was vulnerable. 

“It’s minor…” He brushed my observations away, and yet nothing could tear away the hand on his head that was gesturing to me that something was wrong. 

“Satoru…” I lifted my hand back up to him, reaching out. He glanced down at my finger, and I watched his eyes dart from the metal wrapped around it and then up to my guilty face.

”Y/N, what’s that?” 

“S-Satoru…”

”Did I give that? No… I didn’t…” 

“Satoru wait…”

Within lightning speed his hand was wrapped around my wrist, using slight force to pull my hand up to his face for a more thorough glance. 

“Y/N, what is this?” 

The doors opened with a much less aggressive push, and out came my husband. I tore my hand away from Satoru’s and he gave me a look of disbelief, my steps receding as I stood beside the man who owned the ring.

”Why did you take my wife out of the event? We were having fun.” His words were laced with a bitter taste of jealousy and his possessive nature came through, all as his cold, rough hands found my sides and squeezed into them. It was enough to induce pain in me, but I couldn’t show Satoru. Instead I let my eyes fall to the ground, defeated as I hoped he would loosen his clamped fingers. 

“Who the fuck is your wife?” Satoru’s eyes narrowed and he took a step back to constantly let his stares flit between the both of us, the result coming out in the form of a scoff. 

“Y/N, why the fuck is his hand on you?” Glued to the spot. For once, I felt hopeless. Satoru was still weak. Out of a comatose state, sure. But weak. I couldn’t risk his healthy any further and play the selfish lover. I had to be the strategic one for the both of us, and for our child. 

“This is my husband.” My voice lacked any tone but being monotone, and I forced myself to make eye contact with him. He had to feel as though I was being honest with myself, and him. 

Otherwise, he wouldn’t let me leave with this man today. He would’ve never put himself out of harms way if he thought I was also in the way. 

“Oh, bullshit. Come on, stop this shit and come here.” My feet were yelling at me to move and support him. It was like he was getting weaker by the second, drooping down just subtly but enough for me to notice how much he was pretending to be stronger for me.

“Satoru, you aren’t well yet.” 

“Y/N, you’re going to really frustrate me if you don’t come here and stand next to me. Right now. Come here, baby.” 

My husband let out a boastful laugh, turning away from the both of us as we began to pay attention to him, only circling back to fix his cuffs and stand glued to the spot besides me. This fucker knew I wasn’t going to move. He knew he had the power. 

“Baby? You have no right to address my wife-“ 

“She’s not your fucking wife.” The venom that came out of his mouth was truthful and for once, I had heard someone say something in a month that made me feel for a second like I wasn’t a bird in a cage. 

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, no matter how much I tried to and told myself to for the sake of him and myself.

”Satoru…”

”Y/N. You won’t get anywhere by saying my name over and over again. Come here, right now.” 

I gulped. My husband’s expression was one of confidence and warning, like always. 

“I can’t.”

”Stop fucking looking at him. Okay? Just come here.” Before I could even make a response to that, both mine and my husband’s focus was attracted to the floor, a pool of blood forming underneath him.

”Satoru, you’re hurt…” It was seconds before I was yanking my dress up again, trying to get to him. He needed medical help, or something. He really was fucking injured, but so caught up in trying to get me that he hadn’t even noticed. 

I winced as a hand twisted my wrist, burning it and forcing me to come back. 

“You piece of shit… How dare you fucking touch her…” He stood up this time to his full height, and I realised that there was a deep cut running along his torso. Fuck, Satoru… you should’ve stayed at the hospital. 

“Careful. Don’t say such foul words.” The man wringing me back retorted, instead choosing to watch on with amusement as I struggled to get to him. 

Without warning, Satoru plunged forward with his hand wrapped in a fist, and I braced myself internally, attempting to get to the side. 

Within seconds, I had a hand bunched into my hair and I was taken back to where I was stood. He immediately laid down his fist, stepping back.

”Let her go.” 

A laugh vibrated from behind me and I felt my stomach churn at the noise, unable to do anything in this situation but surrender as the man I loved bled out before me, the man I was married to watching with no form of pity.

”Can you guys call a fucking ambulance!?” I screamed and finally the watchers who had been inside of the hall the entirety of the time were scrambling for their phones. His hand began to actively tug on my strands of hair now, forcing me to stand upright and pressed up against him. 

“I’ll rip your fucking hand off. Stop touching her!” I was freed, Satoru tumbling into him and both of them hitting the floor. Although he was the weaker man, he held on pretty well and enough time for me to rip open the front of my dress, pulling him back. 

Hands shaking, I watched both of them recover from the punches thrown, wrapping the fabric around Satoru’s wound area and securing it, all done with a tight knot. 

“Please… when is the ambulance coming?” 

“Y/N… Y/N what the fuck? Please just leave with me.”

It was too overstimulating at once. On one hand, a man wounded. Another about to unleash hell. And everyone else stood gawking like the bystanders they were, enjoying the spectacle that would be plastered on to the news for everyone, front page and in saturated colours for anyone and their mothers to glance at. 

“Satoru… I can’t.” 

“What the fuck is stopping you? Is it him? Huh?” 

“Shh… wait okay… I need you to be quiet for a second.” i kept fiddling with the fabric, using more cuts from my dress to be able to better secure his torso area. Blood stained my hands and my vision blurred, but regardless I let love override every feeling I had inside of me. Satoru needed to be okay.

”Y/N, don’t tell me to fucking shush.” He grabbed my jaw with his hand, forcing me to pay attention to him and stilling my hands by covering them with one of his own, his eyebrows furrowing as he took a good look at me. 

“What is going on, huh? Speak to me.” 

“Satoru… you’re being irrational. You’re bleeding out… I need you to be okay first, okay?” I cupped his face in my hands, cursing myself for not being able to do or say anymore, hands covered in blood now finding a way to stain his pale cheeks. 

“Y/N… if you don’t step away from him right now, I’ll make sure you understand what will happen.” My skin stiffened and I tied the final knot, caressing his face one more time with all of the affection in me I had left, resisting his attempts to pull me back down to him and prying myself out of his grip, repeatedly saying “It will be okay,” as I took my steps back. 

“Y/N… what the fuck is he doing to you? Why- Why are you listening?” 

“Satoru… get in the ambulance.” I pointed my finger towards the arriving vehicle, a cluster of men littering out with a stretcher as they immediately swarmed him, lifting him up and assisting him. 

“No- No,.. All of you let me the fuck go! I need to talk to her…” 

“She’s not yours to talk to.” He twisted my wrist again and pointed my hand up, bending it to showcase the ring on my hand. 

He fought against the paramedics, and sure enough he was winning the battle. I knew I had to do something.

”Satoru. Leave.” 

“Y/N, don’t be an idiot. Come here, now.” 

“I said, leave. Leave, Satoru. Go.” 

“Fucking come here baby, right now.”

His father finally made ways to him, offering further help to push him inside of the van. “You’re making a fool of yourself, calling her such words.” He said through gritted teeth.

”You think I give a fuck? Megumi Fushiguro’s hand is around my fucking woman! Y/N, if you don’t get the fuck here right now. I swear to fucking-“ 

”No! Leave!” I yelled, pouring out all the negativity I had dealt with for the entire month into the passion of my words, rendering him speechless.

I had never seen Satoru crumble, or look helpless. I had never seen Satoru for once, not be the upper hand in a situation.

I’m sorry, Satoru. I’m sorry, baby. I had to do it for us. You don’t understand what this man has become capable of. And I can’t let you fight until you’re strong enough to. 

Even if it meant being the wife of the son whose father hated our very existence. 

Chapter Text

Megumi Fushiguro was a man corrupted by the appearance and presence of his father. I first noticed him at my first event with Satoru, when the Fushiguro family had made ways towards us, with comments that put me at unease. 

He was merely a shadow in the back at that time, hidden behind his other siblings despite being the eldest. Toji had never directly addressed or introduced him either. 

The more times we ran across them, the darker his features appeared. Like he was turning worse by the years. 

I kept up with social media. And every flick of a page would lead me to more and more information about him that would pass into my mind as easy as it would pass out, something that I wish I hadn’t underestimated. 

‘Malnourished’, ‘Pathetic’, ‘Barely fit to be an heir’. I pitied him at the time. There were even moments in passing where I’d ask Satoru why Toji resented his son so, and he would explain to me that in that family and many other businesses, there were attributes that defined a man who was at the top of the stages. Megumi Fushiguro did not possess any of those attributes. 

My fate was sealed from the second he made a turn in that hospital corridor, his steps lightweight and sharpened as he reached me. 

I was kneeling on the floor in front of the hospital door. It was the first night since Satoru had been in the car accident, in fact it was the same night. I watched the lights of the corridor flicker on and off every 30 minutes or so, staying long enough in the same position to be able to hear the vents like they were echoing. 

Mascara dripping down the length of my cheeks, and continuously circling the ring in my finger till it created an indent marked by rashes and scratches, he looked down at me like I was scum. 

“Does it hurt?” 

Even then, I’d barely recognised him. We made full eye contact for the first time and my breath caught in my throat, noticing the change in his stature from the feeble person he had been before. Built, strong with his persona and reeking of nothing but evil. He had become like his father. As though he had forced it into his genetics. To be just like him.

”H-Huh?” I was naive then. I hadn’t recognised his character as such from first glance. Sure, a person could look different. But how would you dictate anything about how they are in comparison to how they were, when you didn’t even know how they were? 

I could only assume he was a kinder soul at one point. And there was very little evidence to even tell me of such a time. 

“I said, does it hurt?” His voice wasn’t empathetic at all to my state, but rather assessing me as though he gained satisfaction from it. Stunned, I stayed there and fought to look at him with tear filled eyes. It was too much to bear in one day, and knowing Satoru was clinging to dear life in a hospital bed had already stripped me of all of my strength. 

“What kind of a fucking question is-“ The first hit was delivered then. 

His foot picked up and landed on the side of my face, and within seconds I wasn’t kneeling anymore but shattered, pressed against the cold floor as sensations spread through my body. 

My mother used to hit me. It was a vague memory from days where I had been younger. Sure she had changed. But the feeling of being a victim never left. And that’s all I could think of.

”Don’t swear. It’s classless.” He loved that word and favoured it more than any other when he spoke to me. Everything I did was classless or tacky, and yet he kept me bound to his side. 

My chin lifted up and I pressed a hand to the side of my cheek in shock, arms shaking as he let out a low laugh of amusement and bent down to my height. 

His suit creased but he paid no attention to it, instead savouring the look on my face like it was worth all the value in the world.

”You like playing little Miss Protected, right?” 

Speechless, I stayed there with my heart begging to burst out of my rib cage, banging with a force. 

I was sweating, the fabric of my dress clinging around my body, all something I felt heavily as I held myself on that ground.

”Well, you messed with the wrong person. You like playing with the Fushiguro family, right? You think the man there…” He pointed at the room in front of us like I was a senseless idiot, speaking to me as though I was merely a child who was ignorant.

”You think that big and strong man is always going to come and save you, right?” There it was. All Fushiguro men seemed to have it. That glint in their eyes to see someone powerless before them, rather than to be walked on by everyone else. 

He relished in it, and judging by his adrenaline, I could tell it must’ve been his first time. 

“You’re wrong, Y/N. He’s not. And if you don’t… obey… me. Like a good little girl. I’ll pull the plug on that cord in his room. I’ll do it just as easily as I pulled the wires in that car.” 

My eyes widened and I sprawled on to him, grabbing him and attempting to push him down into the ground. In that moment, all I had seen was red. That, was when he had kicked my stomach. 

I shot back and screamed in pain, the duration and intensity lasting much longer than I could’ve anticipated. I clutched on to myself and even he took a step back, confused as to why I had responded in such a manner.

Nurses from every side came rushing towards me, and since then all I could remember was waking up in that hospital bed, in a room on the opposite end of the hospital, 

“You’re lucky the baby wasn’t injured.” And that’s when my fate was decided. That’s when I knew, that if I wanted Satoru alive, and I wanted this baby well… I would have to sacrifice myself in the process. 

And I was willing. 

-

Water dripped into the bathtub. The water was freezing cold, and I didn’t anticipate anything else. I had been there for hours, drenched in Satoru’s blood, mixed in to colour the puddle surrounding me into a shade of light red. 

I could do nothing but to stare at it. What else could I have done? Part of me wanted to sink into it, and just lay there. At the end of the day, it was part of him. It was living evidence that he was awake and alive, and that he was still part of me.

It was likely that I was going crazy. 

Maids would pass by every now and then and bang on the door, consistently insisting to change the water for me. But I didn’t want to. I stayed there in that puddle, smelling the mixture of cleanly and distilled water with undeserved, spilled blood.

I let myself sink into that. 

I guess part of me blamed myself more than anyone else. Had I not exercised that much power over the Fushiguros, had I not let Satoru do all of that for me… then perhaps… perhaps… Life could’ve been easier for the both of us. 

My phone kept ringing at the side on top of the bathroom sink, vibrating without pause every second. I made attempts to ignore it and drown myself into a silence, but it didn’t stop.

I didn’t need to pick it up to know what it could be. 

Once Satoru woke up, there was no stopping him from reaching me. He would attempt every means possible, and I knew that off by heart. 

-

Eventually, I managed to shrug off the water that had comforted me ever so slightly and instead I grabbed a towel from the side. By the end, all of the towels were crimson but one. That’s when I had enough of myself and drained the water, instead very lazily rubbing soap on myself in the running shower and then wiping the stains. 

3086 missed calls. 1000 text messages. 3087 missed calls… 308-

I had enough and picked up, pressing the heated device to the side of my ear as my eyes filled up with the sting of my tears and I waited for him to speak.

”Y/N.” 

“Satoru… stop. Stop calling me, please.”

”Y/N, do you hear yourself? Do you fucking hear yourself?” I moved away from the phone as he cursed into it, and I could hear his voice getting louder, despite the strain in it.

”Y/N, send me your address. Okay? Send it over and I’ll come.” 

“Satoru… stop.” 

“Don’t tell me to stop, Y/N. I’ve asked you to do something. Do it. Send me your address.” 

“Stop.” 

“If you tell me to stop one more fucking time, God help me, I will find you myself with any known device on Earth and drag you out of there.” 

There was a silence on the phone and I clasped my hand over my mouth, not letting him hear any of my muffled cries. What was I meant to do? Send him where I was and see him leave in a body bag? 

“Satoru… how are your wounds?” 

“I don’t give a fuck about my wounds. Now send your address,” 

“Satoru… please. Tell me?” 

“Fuck… what do you want to hear, huh? They fixed it, if that’s what you want. Now tell me where you-“ 

“I’m blocking this number. Don’t ever call it again. I… I love you.” With that, I hung up the call. Another 2 calls pursued alongside 5 text messages and I ignored all of it, proceeding to force myself to press the block button. All of it ended. All of it stopped, but I knew that on the other end of the line, a different story was happening. 

Chapter Text

The next day, I came down the steps with shaking limbs to see Megumi replaying the news channels, all of them painting him out the same way they did before. 

He caught sight of me out of the corner of his eyes and I saw daggers instead of pupils, his expression one of pure hatred and disgust. 

“You… could’ve fucked it all up.” Within seconds he was up. I held my breath and he yanked down the back of my hair, fisting it into his hand. I reached around reflexively for his wrist, and he twisted my hand around, close enough to breaking something in it. 

“I-I didn’t know he would come…”

”No… but your entitled fucking saviour has to pay somehow. Doesn’t he?” 

“N-no wait… Please… just don’t touch the baby.” 

“Am I stupid?” He tore out strands of hair with his hand, shaking my head and pulling me so close I could practically taste the alcohol on his breath. 

“N-no… No you’re not…” 

“Why would I kill the fucking baby that’s going to continue my legacy?” As if the baby was even his fucking baby.

I closed my eyes and screwed them shut, letting out noises of fear as he threw the glass that was in his hand at the floor, it shattering in pieces before the both of us. 

At the same second, the door bell rang and he let go of me, sending me flying into the sofa. I lay there, catching my breath as he opened it up. 

Men with briefcases entered the room and I forced myself with what strength I had left in me to sit up, ignoring the shards of glass that had entered into the side of my legs.

“We are here on behalf of Satoru Gojo.” 

Megumi let out a groan of frustration, turning back to me with his jaw clenched. Of course, he couldn’t use his punching bag. Not in front of lawyers. 

“What do you men want? Can’t you see we’re busy?” 

He gestured towards the shards of glass on the floor, a smirk wavering on to the end of his face. There was no way he could find this amusing. Hell might not have been born, but hell sure as hell was created. And I married into it.

”Are you alright?, Ma’am.” The man’s focus shifted on to me and I pulled my skirt over my wounded leg, sitting up and looking at him with a face that couldn’t hide the fear seeping out of it. 

Regardless, I nodded my head.

”Yes, Yes I am.” 

“We are here on accounts of reported domestic abuse. Satoru Gojo claims that you, Megumi Fushiguro, are in an abusive relationship with this woman.” 

It was like Satoru to get a lawyer involved within a day. No matter how bedridden he was, the man had an entire company in his name. He could do things through other people, and any power he had, he had the will to choose to spend it towards me. 

And yet somehow, the news of lawyers left an aching pit in my chest, as I fought to breathe.

”N-no… he isn’t-“ 

“We will… talk to you privately. Miss Y/N. For now, we would like to address the abuser directly.” 

I closed my mouth and Megumi flashed a warning look to me, turning to me entirely instead. 

“Go on upstairs, Sweetie.” I knew my role to play. 

With a limp, I put one foot in front of the other and braved the climb up the stairs, droplets of blood following me. 

With powerful men like these, legal matters were like swiping a credit card. Business could be sorted with ease. 

I found the medical kit in my room, prying open the box and letting my words get caught up in my throat, trying to relax myself as I forced my eyes upon the shard of glass that was pierced into my leg. Although not entirely deep, it pained like a fucker just to press it ever so slightly.

I pictured Satoru in my head, grabbing the end of the shard with my finger and closing my eyes. 

‘Come on Y/N. You’re a brave girl. You can do it… You’ve done these things before. You can do it… Don’t worry baby, you’ll be just okay,” The first shard was out and I let out an uncontrollable yelp of pain, my chest heaving as I dealt with the aftermath of blood coming out, immediately getting to work with the kit. 

I pulled the thread through sutures I had, and just like I had learnt to the past few months, I got to work. 

By the end of it, I was laying down on the bed, mind clouded and head dizzy to the point of collapse. What was I going to do? How was I going to approach this? What was Satoru thinking of? 

1 missed call. 2 missed calls. 3 missed calls. 4 missed calls. 

“Fuck…” I gripped on to my phone and guided it towards me with a limp arm, pressing it across my face.

”Mum… Mum… I need you… I feel weak.” 

“Y/N?” I glanced down at the number. Oh fuck, this wasn’t my mother. No… fuck. 

“Y/N baby, listen okay? What did he do to you?” 

“Satoru, how many times do I have to tell you? No…”

“You said you’re weak? I’m nearly there. Prop yourself up for me, okay?”

”Satoru, I’m fine. It was just pregnancy dizziness.” 

Silence sounded on the phone. I wiped my face and felt consciousness slip further back into me. Oh fuck. I gulped and held my phone to my ear, my jaw shaking a little as I fought back tears, one single droplet making its way down my face amongst the rest that were being fought against to remain inside. 

Oh fuck… he wasn’t even responding. 

“Y/N. You have a baby in you?” 

“I- I misspoke…” 

“No you fucking didn’t… Y/N, Y/N you’re pregnant?” 

“I- I…”

”Y/N, you’re pregnant and you’re with that piece of shit? Is it his child?” 

“I-“

”Answer me. Is it his child?” 

“Satoru. You don’t understand why I’m doing this. So don’t understand. Let it be. Move on.” 

“Oh please, that’s fucking bullshit. Who the fuck was going to tell me that you’re pregnant, huh? If I fucking knew… You guys should’ve fucking shook me awake.” I heard tire screeches over the phone and outside, gulping as I propelled myself to sit up. 

“Why the fuck is he here?” I heard a smash against the floor and I got up, creeping to the door. Heavy footsteps sounded upwards the stairs and I peeked out through the slit, heart hammering. 

And just like that, merely seconds after I announced to him that I had an entire baby within me. Just like that, the man who held the title of being the father, was at my door. 

I pulled it open and revealed myself through the gap, watching him silently as he went through each room individually, smashing it down with a gun in his hand.

How the fuck could someone recover so quickly? Or was he forcing it? 

There it was. I was looking into those blue eyes again, that always stood to be so determined. He always got exactly what he wanted, whenever he wanted without any fail. And now? He would get me. 

He came through the hallway, his chest coming up and down with each step he got closer, his speed increasing till he pried open the door, and suddenly he was back in front of me. 

No blood, no weak posture. Just eyes filled with tears that travelled down his cheek as he stood there, gulping and taking in all of me. 

“Satoru… you have to go.” 

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear those words, anymore.” 

He turned on his heel and began walking. He expected me to follow. I knew that more than anything. I should’ve followed. But my feet were glued to the ground, and adamant. 

He paused. Glancing back, in seconds he was lifting me up bridal style, letting out a heavy sigh of frustration and preventing me from spilling a word out of my mouth. 

I let the tears flow as he carried me, his grip gentle and soft as he came down the stairs. He was far stronger than the day previous. I didn’t know he had it in him to recover in such a manner. 

I stayed staring at his jaw clench, and I could tell all the thoughts that must have been laid out in his mind. He wasn’t going to let anyone survive after what happened to me. I could see that, more than anything. 

I glanced around on the bottom floor and saw Megumi on the floor. No blood, but only one bruise on the side of his head. The lawyers stood to the side, deftly afraid of Satoru’s abilities. 

“Y-you knocked him out?” 

“I’m going to kill him.” 

“No… no you can’t.” 

He paused once we were covered by the outside light, stood on the front porch.

”Why do you keep saying that? What’s going on with you?” 

“No… he’s going to… he’s going to hurt you if you do that. He will try kill you… That family will try to kill you…” 

“Y/N…” 

“No…”

”Y/N.”

”No… Satoru don’t… don’t try anything…”

”Y/N.” He let me down in front of him with one hand and cupped my cheeks with the other, forcing me to meet his gaze and stop incessantly warning him. 

“What have they done to you, to make you forget what I am capable of?” 

I felt my throat close up as I lost all words, and he waited for me to have no rebuttal.

“What? Because I was comatose? Is that it?” 

“T-they were behind your car accident…” I practically hyperventilated the words out, forcing him to press my head against his chest and rub circles across my back. 

“I understand. And I promise you, I will be 10x more safe in the future. I promise, Y/N. But I also need you to understand that I am awake now.” He tilted my chin up to make me take a proper look at him, as if needing me to verify it for myself.

”And I’m sorry I wasn’t before. I was trying to claw myself back to consciousness for you, I promise. But… regardless… They were scaring you for no reason, baby. They were using this…” He pressed a hand against my stomach and caressed it, his eyes darting back up to me after a moments time, “This was their reason to scare you, okay? And I understand everything you did till the point of now, but I need you to realise that right now I’m here. You don’t have to fight for this.” Again he cupped my stomach in his hand, his face muscles clenching subtly as he fought the urge to not let himself cry as a man in front of me. 

“Y-you don’t have to… Baby you’re okay. Okay? You did so much for your baby, and for me. Now, you’re going to watch me fight for us. You’ve endured enough.” 

Chapter Text

His car was parked out front, half of it on the pavement and the other half on the actual road. He reversed it carefully, hand over my bump as the front of the car dipped from retracting. 

“Where are we going?” We were already on the motorway by the time I asked. I was torn in half with one side of me recognising this as merely being part of a fever dream, the other half coming to terms with my reality. 

“I’ve always had my own apartment on the other side of Tokyo.” I faced him, confusion littering my face. 

“An apartment?” He mustered a small smile at my reaction, relieved for once to see me displaying something other than fear. He gripped my hand as he drove, massaging into the knuckles. 

I winced and pulled back, apologising to him.

”I’m sorry, I should’ve told you.” 

“Even your knuckles are bruised? This fucker didn’t leave shit behind…” He propped his elbow up on the window area of the car door, letting out a deep breath and circling into his temples as a means of trying to steady his heart rate. 

“I-I didn’t know you had another apartment.” I attempted to divert his brain from thinking about any of what had happened to me, so that at least we could drive and get somewhere by the end of the day. 

My leg was throbbing, and yet he hadn’t seen the wound there yet. I could delay it for some time before he noticed. Before he really killed Megumi. 

“I wouldn’t have told you either.” 

“Why?” 

He opened up my side of the window, letting the air reach me and glide through my hair. It was cool, in comparison to the previous days. 

“Because knowing you, you would’ve sneaked out to it. Plus, I’d much rather have kept you in the family home. In my eyes you’ll always be someone I have to protect and keep in a safe place.” 

“So how come we’re going now?” I bring my hair down to the sides, sifting my fingers through the strands and breaking apart tiny knots within it. God, he must’ve thought I looked messy. 

“Because that’s not a familial home anymore.” He wasn’t wrong. I sank back in the seat, hands in folds of one another. One of my fingers was bandaged and I played around with it, picking at the loose ends. 

He noticed and placed my hand in his lap, holding on to it and shaking his head at me.

”You’ll rip it open.” 

“It’s fine… it’s probably healed by now. It happened a while ago.” His face soured and he looked away from me, his hand gripping on the steering wheel so hard that I watched as his own knuckles turned white. 

“Satoru?”

”He hit you every night?” He turned back and hell was visible in his pupils, a burning fire stirring in his heart that radiated from miles away. I didn’t want to ignite the fire. I didn’t want it to spread.

”No.” I glanced down at my thumb again.

”Lies.”

”Once… Only once a day most times.” 

“Only?” He sounded disgusted and I contemplated. Was he disgusted over me or over him? 

“I’m sorry.” The car screeched to a halt and he pressed his hand against my chest as a precaution, preventing me from tilting forwards. 

“Why are you sorry?” He sounded genuinely frustrated with me, and yet what could I have said to that? My only response was my apologies, but clearly he wasn’t satisfied. 

“For not telling you. For… for getting hit. I’m sorry for avoiding y-“ His belt came off in seconds and he reached over, pulling me into him. I could smell the homely scent in his cologne far deeper now and it stilled me as I let him hold me, patting the back of my head and caressing my neck with his other hand at the same time. 

“Y/N… you don’t have to be sorry to anyone. Okay? You were a victim. Baby, you were a victim of abuse.” It broke his heart to say it and I could see judging by how his voice cracked. I felt him gulp and swallow down against the side of my head as he pressed his chin on top of it. 

“But whenever I see you… I feel sorry…” 

“For?” 

“You got hurt because of me… I ignored all 3087 missed calls… I… I hid all of this from you…” 

“You were being hit every night and day. You had no one by your side. No family, no nothing. While pregnant. I need to make it up to you in this lifetime, not the other way around.” He pulled back from me, cupping my cheeks in both of his hands. The heat spread through to the rest of my face and I leaned into it, causing him to look at me with eyes of nothing but pure affection and endearment. 

“Baby, you went through hell.” 

“It… It was…” I burst out into tears, gripping him by his collar and pulling him into me. He immediately undid my seat belt, his hands gripping under my thighs as he with ease pulled me on to his lap. Nestled there, he wrapped both legs around him on either side and pressed my chest against his, rubbing a hand down my back and attempting to calm me down. 

“Breathe baby, breathe. You can say whatever you wish to say to me, but I need you to breathe first, okay?” 

“Y-yeah…” 

“You got it?” 

“Y-yeah.” 

“Good girl… That’s it. You got it…” 

We waited it out. I had said a couple times that I was ready but he refused. It didn’t help that he could feel my heart beat, what with the lack of distance between us. He waited until I was calm enough to even sleep from the result of all my crying. Till I was exhausted out, and my body had stopped producing the fight or flight response. 

“Tell me, baby.” 

“It was so scary without you…” I could feel my words vibrating against the side of his shoulder as he kept my head placed against him, his chin on top of my head again. We were parked up on the side of the road, but it was isolated anyways. 

“I want you to tell me everything.” 

“Can we get home first?” 

He paused, and then merely a second later he agreed.

”But tell me something now. It’s mine, right?” He reached around for the front of my stomach, pressing into it with small circles and catching my eyes. His own were hopeful and gentle, and so I couldn’t help but to nod as passionately as I could, my head falling back on to him.

”Fuck… you’re pregnant. Baby…” 

“It was so hard-“ 

“You can still abort.” 

My world went silent and I felt my heart beat rise. I got off of him and he protested, grabbing me again. 

It’s like he wanted to keep track of all of my reactions. Like he wanted to access the most of me he could. 

“You want me to abort?” 

“N-no… No Y/N. I don’t… I’m saying… you’re the mother. You’re carrying it. You have the right to abort. You’re still 19, and I will be by your side like no one else.” 

“I want it.” 

His hand stopped on my back, and his breathing became just a little deeper. 

I could feel his grip on me tighten. 

His hands hooked under my thighs again and lifted me up higher, so much so that he could press his head against the side of my neck and apply a soft, slow kiss. 

“Baby… I’m not forcing you.” 

“I want it.” 

“It’s a big responsibility, and it has to be your entire decision.” 

“I want it, Satoru. I want your baby.”

Prior to Satoru waking up, I wouldn’t have held the same attitude, and internally I knew that. I couldn’t have done it without him the same way I would with him. I knew that. 

He peppered wet kisses down the side of my jaw after licking his lips, leaving a cooling sensation behind. 

“Then you’ll have my baby. And you’ll deliver it safely.” 

He pressed my head back down again, adjusting himself so that I could lean on him more comfortably. 

“You been to check ups? And… and morning sickness too. You dealt with that yet? And… does any of it hurt? You want me to buy you some-“ 

“Satoru… I promise you. I’ve been a strong girl since you’ve been gone. And although there were moments this baby made me question if I could carry it, it is undoubtably true that I’ve adjusted… and I’ve been able to tolerate everything so far.” 

He gave me an affectionate wrap around with his arms, tighter than ever. 

“I know… but… truth be told. Baby aside and all, I need to rectify everything that happened to you. This…” He grabbed my wrist and soothingly raised it up to my view, and I peered downwards to see the bruising from how Megumi held me. “I need to heal all of this. I need to fix it.” 

He was adamant in his words, and I trusted in all of them. If there was anyone I could depend on, it was always him. Always and forever. 

Chapter Text

The rest of the ride was spent with Satoru not failing to keep his hand glued to my stomach as a gesture that he would be there for every second with my child, and every stop at a traffic light came with him staring at me like a newfound reward.

”Look at me that long and I’ll melt.” I joked playfully, steering my face away from his sight. 

“Hey… don’t turn. Have some mercy on me, Y/N. I was under a coma for a month. I didn’t see your face for an entire month…” I kept trying to dodge his hands as he didn’t lessen his spirit, instead seeking out my chin in new angles.

”Hold still…” I let out a giggle, that too natural. The first one I had let out in a month, and yet the one I had meant the most, from a place of nothing but in depth security.

”That’s it…” He finally retreated his hand, defeated and yet somehow it felt like he had won.

We finally reached the driveway of a house in the middle of an average Tokyo neighbourhood. The local area was quiet and as he lifted me up out of the passenger seat, I was mentally checking off all of the things he did that came to him like sneezing that no one else had done for me.

”I never spent a large digit because… well I figured it was just for me.” He pulled out his keys from his pockets and my smile dropped, a clenching around my heart.

He noticed within milliseconds and was gripping my shoulders, watching my expression. 

“Hey, hey… what happened?” 

“N-no it’s just…” Flashbacks came rushing through my head and so did the wavering noises of the ambulances outside, and the carrying of bodies by coroners. That’s when I saw those keys, dangling precariously off the finger of a body I could recognise blindfolded. Those hands. I ran towards that stretcher as it rushed through the halls, chasing after it quicker than anything.

”Your keys… they were attached to your finger while you were being rushed in.” 

He let out an ‘I see’ and began rubbing up and down the length of my side with his palm. I didn’t care that he was running over my bruises. I didn’t care that he didn’t know. I just wanted to feel his touch. So I let him.

”It must’ve been a terrifying time… to see me unable to communicate with you.” I nodded my head, fighting back the waterworks which were trying to claw their way out of my eyes. 

“You don’t have to see that anymore.” The statement was clear and said with full confidence, his tone straight and direct. 

“I know…”

”And if you choose to look on the bright side…” I awaited for his next line. Knowing Satoru, it would be something that was somehow humorous. 

“Even half dead me kept a good hold of the keys to his properties.” 

Another giggle fell out from my lips and he took the opportunity to pinch my cheeks, grabbing hold of my hand from my side and guiding me into the new house.

The inside was typical. A sofa, a TV, a kitchen will all the necessary appliances and only the necessary appliances. One single bedroom with a double bed and a bathroom. That, and there was a small balcony on the second floor. 

“There’s two bathrooms so.. we won’t have to fight over you know… who gets to go if both of us need to go at the same-“ 

“Why two? You’re one man.” 

“A man with friends, hello?” I groaned as his hand came down to tousle with my hair, strands falling out of my ponytail as he rendered me unable to see.

”Come upstairs. We’re going to wash you and then I’m going to make you sleep.” 

When we reached the bathroom, I was met with a single tub in the corner and an adjacent sink. He closed the curtains over and turned on the light, waiting for me. 

“Can you… can you close your eyes?” 

He let out a slight laugh at the unexpectedness of my question, seemingly not realising what I had meant.

”Oh sweetheart I’ve memorised every curve of you. I can assure you th-“ 

“There’s scars on me.”  He froze, the towel held in his hand and the bath water running as the only noise surrounding the both of us. 

There was a time when Satoru could look at me and all I would feel was being timid, over everything else. To be held under his gaze, and yet I never felt like a part of me was being openly criticised. Just like all of me was being consumed under someone’s gaze. 

Now, I stood before him with my hand draped across my chest and connected to my other arm, holding my dress tight in my hand as I felt my muscles begging me to not let go. Like if I showed him, he wouldn’t see me the same anymore. Like he would leave. 

I closed my eyes, turning away from him. This was too much. What was wrong with me? Satoru wouldn’t be the type of man to leave if he saw me like this… Right? But then again, what if he was attracted to how I looked more than how I-

“Hey.” Before I knew it, I couldn’t feel the frills of my dress anymore wrapped around my legs. Instead, the fabric was being ruffled into his hand and up to my torso. 

There goes the chance of hiding the wound that was carved on to me today. 

Before I knew it, the breeze in the air had clung on to the entirety of my skin and the dress I had used as a means to cover up the most of me that was bruised up was taken off, shoved into a sink to be later cleaned. 

I didn’t dare turn around. What for? To be mistaken? To see him look at me for the first time in a complete… loss of… appetite?

“Y/N… look at me.”

“N-no…”

”Y/N… sweetheart.”’

”N-no… no you think it’s so bad…” 

“Y/N.”

”No…”

”Y/N. L/N. Turn.” 

My feet moved before my mind decided on it, and I hesitated. My eyes pried open and soon enough, I was staring down at him. 

He was kneeling, on the floor. Naked. Kneeling for me. 

“What’s this, huh? I’ve spent every single second of my existence since meeting you on worshipping this body and yet… you think a scar or two and a few purple bruises means I see you any different?” 

His gaze drifted down my body to my leg and he grabbed the ankle of the one with the fresh wound, leaning in. He peppered kisses along the front of my leg that was there, maintaining complete eye contact with me as he did it.

”Look. I’m naked too. Look down here.” He finally got up off his knees and positioned my fingers against his torso wound. 

“You and I, we’re both marked. And even if I wasn’t… I could never look at you any differently. You’re perfect by every regard, Y/N… It’s just that the rest of the world isn’t. And don’t worry baby, I’ll do something about that.” 

“You don’t think I’m ugly?” 

“Oh, sweetheart. Ugly? Baby don’t use such out of bound words, ever, to describe yourself. You’re beautiful.” His hands moulded around my waist and he hoisted me up, carrying me into the filled bath. 

Getting in behind me, he extended my leg up with a hand placed under my knee until the top of my leg was above his knee, making sure it stayed on the outside of the water at all times. 

“We don’t want you getting it infected, do we?” 

I shook my head and leaned back into him. My bruises felt oddly comforted, partially for the sake of him being there and partially because no matter how warm the water was, it helped to still any lingering pain that there could be. 

I watched him grab the wet towel beside us and wring it with soap lathered into the inside. He then rested my head against his chest and exposed my upper half to him, carefully dabbing and rubbing over areas that weren’t covered in any sort of bruises.

“I’m going to kill him.” 

“They hurt less when I lie down…” 

“You shouldn’t be hurting at all.” 

-

He finally managed to get me out of the bath and dry me off, offering me his toothbrush and some toothpaste, alongside the face wash he had. 

“Freshen up sweetheart…” I did as told, letting him hold my hair back as I spat into the sink. 

It was ironic. I should’ve had trauma from the amount of times my hair was pulled back out of my own will by a scumbag but… regardless it was like anything Satoru did wiped that away for a second.

He then placed the towel over a pillow on the bed and encouraged me to rest my head against it.

”See. This way the pillows don’t get wet and your hair dries.” 

I watched as he finally took the time to dry himself off.

He was like superman for me. Merely a day out of a coma and he was already more then 50% of the way there to looking like he used to. His muscles had remained similar throughout the length of his coma but what changed the most was his face and how worn out it looked. But he was livelier by the second, and I was seeing far more similarities in him to how he was before then in a coma. 

“Keep looking and I’ll melt.” 

I rolled my eyes, twisting in the bed. 

“Haha, you’re so funny.” 

“Oh come on sweetheart, you know I am.” 

“Whatever…” 

Was this what heaven felt like? Even if I was tattered in the bruises delivered by another man, was it meant to feel this euphoric to know that I was currently being protected by the man I did love and that he was actively involved with his newborn child? 

He entered the bed beside me, opening up his arms with a small sector for me to mould myself into. I did so with ease, shifting into him until we fit like puzzle pieces. 

“O-oh… Satoru you’re-“ 

“Ignore it… that can wait for another time.” 

I didn’t bother choosing to put him first at this moment. I needed the rest, and he knew that as well as I did. So instead, we kept on holding each other no matter how much we… felt things. 

“Baby… can you tell me now? About everything?” He got me in a comfortable position with his hands wrapped securely over my chest, holding the two parts together. His other hand slid down to my waist and kept me pressed against him, and when I was securely placed in, he began to run his fingers through my hair in methods to comfort me even deeper. 

“Well…” 

I explained up until the point whereby Megumi threatened me. He forced me to sign a marriage paper and stand by his side. I told him about the words he called me, and how he made me feel. I told him about my mother being complacent in helping me, and his father batting an eyelid to my abuse. And in all of it, I watched his face contort with a deeper sense of betrayal lingering in his eyes. 

“T-that’s how I felt too.” I commented, and he put on a small smile for me, in attempts to make me feel better. 

“You were all alone.” 

“But you’re here now…” 

“It’s okay… you’re okay,.. You’re right. I am here now. And I’ll make sure I do something.” 

His hand slid down to my stomach and cupped it again, and he let out a small noise of relief.

”I hope this little soldier hasn’t been torturing you too much… tell me about your entire first month of pregnancy. Tell me from day 1 to day 30… to… whatever day this is now. I want to know it all. I want to know the exact symptoms you felt, scaling from 1-10. I want to imagine I was there with you through it all, please.” 

Chapter Text

This room? Wait… wait no why am I back in this room? I scurried off the bed, wincing as my wound opened again, finding myself back in Megumi’s dreaded household. He was stood menacingly with a murderous expression I couldn’t fathom, a box knife in his hand. 

“Wait… wait.” I was feeble for even attempting such an act. He let me scramble back as much as I wanted and then grabbed me by the foot, twisting it forward by the ankle to force me back to him.

I felt the bedsheets slide under me as my head dropped from the pillow, landing on the mattress.

”Come here, princess. You must’ve had a beautiful dream.” N-no… No it wasn’t real? Fuck…

”Megumi… why? Why are you doing this? I did as you said.” 

“Nuh uh… don’t pull that on me now.” He kissed his teeth at me, hands clenched into fists until he finally had my leg up next to him. I watched with shaking legs as the box cutter ran along my foot, and he made sure the pressure was as minimal as he could. Enough to cut, not enough to be severe.

”N-no Megumi… please… please.” 

“He should’ve killed me where I stood. You should’ve killed me, Y/N. But both of you acted so pathetically, didn’t you?” 

“Stop. Stop it… Why a box cutter? Please…”

”Silly little fucking girl. Wake up.” 

“W-what?” 

“I said wake up, you stupid fucking bitch. Wake up, and see that you will never be free from this.” 

“M-Megumi, just leave me alone.” 

“Oh please, wake up. Wake up and realise that this is your nightmare.

-

“Wake up.” 

“Y/N, wake up.”

My face was covered in droplets of tears, sticky and staining my cheeks. I had both hands clasped around him as I let out a gasp. Megumi was about to smack me across the face, when suddenly I was shook. That’s when my head surged with an ache and I found myself back with Satoru.

J hadn’t even realised he was pouring water on me with a towel, cleaning away my face with his hand landed firmly against my heart. 

“Your heart rate will slow soon… You’re okay…” He grabbed the underneath of my thighs and pulled me up on to him, covering me with the blanket and wrapping his arms around me as he rocked me, back and forth. 

I reciprocated and gripped him so tight that I had to avoid using pressure at the tip of my fingers so I didn’t claw him. 

“It was so scary…” 

“I know, I know Y/N…” 

For minutes on end, neither of us spoke. I wasn’t surprised. I was at a loss for words and had no clue what I could say, and he seemed to realise I needed time before I could communicate anything out.

I noticed how warm his body heat was, and in that moment I took in the time to cherish what it felt like to hold someone. I sunk my face into his shoulder and breathed in the scent of his skin mixed with the sweat from the swarming blaze outside. He let me do so, my fingers winding into his undercut as I fidgeted with the clean cut hair there. 

At no point, did he allow himself to let me go. We stayed within the locked hold for as long as we could, and I didn’t even mind how the sweat built up between the both of us, radiating warmth from our bodies. 

He was never cold blooded and reptile like in comparison to Megumi. He was human.

Hoisting my ass up, he placed me into a better position on his lap and continued to subtly rock me. 

“You… you mentioned a box cutter?” I cringed at the memories of pain splitting through as my skin was torn in half. He made sure every second scared me back into hiding. 

“Megumi… he used to… he…” I silenced myself, sitting back on Satoru and searching my arms in the dark. Finally, my gaze landed on a faint brown line running a slit across it that one could barely see in the black surroundings. 

His fingers were soothing against it, providing a slight burn of heat that seemed to seal the memories back together. Every time he touched me, a part of me became more motivated to heal. He was my aphrodisiac.

“You’re okay now, Y/N.” He cupped one side of my face in his hands and traced my features, laying his gaze heavily over them as he attempted to smooth out the petrified look I had remaining on my expression, just from mere flashbacks to the nightmare I was in merely moments ago.

”He’s gone.” The words were only two, and abrupt at that. And yet the way Satoru said them was what struck me at heart.

”Gone?”

“He’s gone, Y/N.” 

In seconds I was scrambling away from him. He made gentle attempts to reach out for me but alas nothing could stop me reaching the remote that was scattered on the other side of the mattress. Nothing could prevent me from making my way to it and pressing the on button as quick as I could.

Every channel was discussing it. 

Satoru let out a low sigh to himself, as though he had messed up. My gaze couldn’t be torn away from the letters I was reading in bold headlines, nor the images I was being shown in censored measures. 

I felt his hand snake down to my bare sides. He always massaged me when he found me tensed. But how could I be rendered not tense after hearing this? 

The lady continued to speak with a hurried pace on the channel. 

“His assets have been completely transferred to that of his father. His mansion will be sold, and a case is pending to discover the reasoning for his death. What do we know so far? Well, Megumi Fushiguro did not pass away without enduring immense torture.” 

The slide transitioned to each of the photos of the wounds individually and I felt my throat tighten a little, matching each snapshot to a direct copy placed on my body. 

The scars. The bruises. There was almost no difference. 

I glanced back again at Satoru, my mouth left ajar as I caught myself unable to say a word but to look at his completely not regretting expression. He seemed only to be awaiting my reaction, hand still extended forward on the mattress towards me. 

But there I laid, scrambled about with the remote in my hand as I stay in a state of shock. 

“Satoru…” 

“Y/N, listen to me-“

“And last of all, the most gruesome details-“ I whipped my head back to the woman and found her expression to form into one of disgust and pity. Even the news anchor was turned around. I gulped, forcing myself to watch as the images continued to flit forward, up until the final one. 

Regardless of how censored it was, no one could’ve mistook it for anything else.

”His genitals, completely split and cut into. It is safe to say, that he died without them. Where they are? It is not known yet.” 

I furrowed my brows and snapped my eyes back to Satoru, with an accusatory glance.

”They’re… well… it’s with the guy I hired.” He didn’t even bother to mumble or murmur the words. They came out perfectly in a stringed sentence from his mouth, and my pull back of pure bewilderment didn’t even change his tone.

”Satoru… you killed him?” 

“Indirectly.” 

“W-what?”

”No you’re right. I didn’t do it correctly. I should’ve done it directly.” 

“Sorry?!” I turned off the TV and shrouded the both of us in silence again, instead the only noise being of shuffling coming over to me. 

His hands found my waist and his head found my back, and I allowed myself to breathe out and try and relax. This was too much for a child to bear. God knows if it was even okay inside of me.

“I… I wouldn’t ever hurt you, if that’s what you-“

”What?” I turned and faced him, feeling his breath against my face as we were merely a width apart. 

“I’m saying… you don’t have to be scar-“ 

“Satoru, I don’t care if you killed someone in front of me. That never changes how I feel about you.” 

“H-huh?”

”Satoru… If you killed someone, it would have to be a very horrible person who wouldn’t be missed. I know you… and it’s not about that… it’s about who you killed. Toji Fushiguro is going to come for us.” 

“He can’t.” 

“What?” 

“Y/N… he can’t.” 

“What, why?” 

“Well… that one I… that one I did directly.” 

Chapter Text

Greece was quiet. I’d rather have been surrounded by the whitened beaches and ashy pebbles, an azure water licking upon them every now and then to create a darker shade of grey, than to return back to the life I had lived in Kyoto. At least this time, I wasn’t surrounded by enemies painting themselves to be my best comrades, holding the triggers of guns at the ready behind their suit clothed and dress laced backs. 

Well, I lied. 

Greece was… almost quiet. 

“Okay… okay you want a binkie? Is that it?” My not-so-amused 5 month old was blinking back at me, and for a second I wondered if she had inherited the genes for judgemental nature. But God, could you imagine me already damning my child to such a burden with merely my thoughts? 

I shook my head and stopped focusing in on my thoughts of what she might be like in the future and instead grasped the present, literally, by the soft, bow shape stamped clothing.

Waves thrashed closer to the beach chair we both laid upon, her on top of me and me fighting against the drooping of both my eyelids. It was hard, being a mother.

I knew all too well the troubles my own had faced when enduring the birth and the caring of me, as she made sure a day didn’t go by in my childhood without her voicing it to me, and as the abuse got worse in the Gojo household, so did the depths of the assumed pain I had caused her.

But it wasn’t going to be like that. 

Not for me, not for my child.

We were better than that. 

There was one thing my mother never seemed to account for in all of the years choosing to berate me and then plaster fake affection on to me, and that was the accountability itself from her side. 

I was going to be held accountable. My daughter would not be the fault for anything, at least not before I consider my own actions a gazillion times, on repeat. 

She was going to be given a fair life, and I was going to love her. I do love her. 

“Wa…Ahh” I didn’t know how quite to respond to that. Well, I mean what do you say to a baby who doesn’t know to do much but throw random sounds at you? So I became a megaphone in the past few months.

”That’s right, Stacy! Wa… Ahh!” I put on a face at the end with the brightest of expression, opening up my mouth as wide as I could and giggling. Her own little responses of laughter shot up after me in bubbles of happiness and I felt a warmth spread through me that I didn’t think I’d be able to recreate in another situation.

That’s something else I love about Greece. No matter where I am here, I am always safe. I am always in a vicinity where I am protected. Men, patrolling merely 100 meters away from us and yet watching observant from a distance, all thanks to the money we have.

”Can you say… Mama?” Her mouth squeezed shut and I imagined for a second she knew exactly what I was saying and did it on purpose. My baby was a smart baby, and I knew her.

”You don’t want to say Mama?” 

The corners of her mouth curled upward and she kept her mouth closed, surveying my features across my face and reaching out with petite fingers in swift attempts to try and grab locks of my hair.

I played the game with her, leaning back ever so slightly with every chance that she got close enough to me to tug, holding on tighter with each time she bounced up in amusement at the challenges I had faced her with. 

It was moments like this, I finally understood what could be so fun about a baby. 

Other 20 year olds my age likely wouldn’t even bat an eyelid to the idea of having one. At least not the 20 year olds in my bracket. But this one? Oh she became crazy about babies the second one popped out of her. 

The second I even looked into her ice blue eyes, I knew that I had loved her long before I even had consciousness of it.

My gaze flickered down to the necklace around me that now seemed to catch her eyes, and I brang it up closer to her. 

“You like this? Mummy will give it to you when you’re older…” I gestured towards each of the designs, watching as her eyes followed my fingers around each curve that was imbedded into the red heart that was adorned on me. 

“Come on sweetheart… Say Mummy!” I sat up in the chair, excusing the slight back pain from the stiff position, bringing her to me till her perfect little nose swiped against mine, causing another little noise to creep out of her.

”Say Mama!” 

“Dada!” I opened my eyes from the nose rubbing we were doing, setting her back on to my lap and then turning to the side, shooting a playful glare of envy towards what Stacy was looking at. 

“Come on baby, play nice. That’s no way to look at your husband. Thought both my girls would be excited to see me, isn’t it Anastasia?” 

Chapter Text

“Clearly she only says Dada because of how goofy you are… you remind her of the cartoon characters she-“ A papaya slice was pushed into my mouth before I could continue my slight belittling, two heated hands coming to rest on both sides of my waists, massaging them inwards.

”Your mouth seems to be a lot more happier when there’s fruit in it, than when it starts to lie.” 

I scoffed at him, attempting to think of a remark to make as I continued to chew with passion at my sweetened papaya. 

God, I hated how good he looked in that shirt.

I mean, who wears palm trees on a print unbuttoned all the way down, till the abs just seem to come out all defined? 

He was impossible. 

“You like?” His eyes stayed fixated on me and my expression as I finally swallowed, looking up to the sky in feigned pondering. 

“C’mon sweetheart, I need to know if I should buy you more or not.” 

I nodded my head as a response and regretted my obedience immediately, karate chopping his hand away only to accept bitter defeat as he wound his way back and squished my cheeks together, turning my face into an embarrassing display. 

“Oh… my cute, papaya eating girl… look at you,” Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms over and let out noises of protest, unable to form words with the way his hands were gentle and yet firmly holding my face. 

“You on the pill?” My eyelids immediately shrunk in size as I felt my vision widen at his words, delivering a smack to his steel-like chest, only to regret it in seconds.

Finally, he let me go but his hands only knew how to find my waist my default, keeping me in place in front of him.

“Hmm, what was that for?” His tone was as though I was being unjustified, a pout daring without shame to make its way on to his face.

”Our baby is right there.” 

I pointed at the crib in the living room, perfectly in view due to our open space plan. 

“She knows her parents are in love… It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” 

His voice crept up my neck as did his body, hands tracing their way up with deep intent to reach the back of my head. 

He found where my hair started from the bottom and coiled his fingers in there, leaning me deeper into him till our lips finally connected.

It was a smooth and long peck. No tongue, no head movements. Just a simple, endearing peck.

”We can always put the baby cam on and… go to the laundry room for about… 15 minutes. Or the bedroom… or the wine cellar… or the basement… or the balco-“

”Satoru!” I smacked his chest again, blood rushing through my cheeks and changing their hues to a deep crimson as I hid my face from our sleeping child, turning to only face him.

”Come on baby… you think I don’t know?” I was unsure what he meant, but I watched his expression harden as he began to become more direct with me. 

His hand trailed downwards on my stomach and I felt my legs trap themselves in together, although it was pointless. 

What could I ever block from Satoru? 

“What happened to those plain, white, old panties that you always wear, huh?” I gulped. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

”What?” So typical of me to play the innocent, naive one.

“Hmm… Huh? What is this?” He had a voice that faked enthusiasm and discovery, hands now making my lower half twitch a little as he found his way into the elastic band of my panties. 

His other hand grabbed my dress and crinkled it upwards, placing it into my own empty hand, praising me with the words ‘good girl’ as I clutched on to the fabric like instinct. 

“Sigh… Baby…” His words licked into my ear as did his rebellious tongue, sucking on the side of my lobe until a simple bite caused a whimper to slip out of me. 

“You’re such a bad liar…” 

As if to highlight his point even further, he began to look down between the both of us and outline the flower patterns on the lace of my red panties. Then, he couldn’t stop the light laughter that slipped out of him as he finally found the access hole that was folded in the middle. 

“How did you even… know?” My words were becoming a little stammered now as I fought to maintain my composure, his fingers pressing light circles on my clit, every now and then travelling to my entrance just to tease it with feather touches. 

“Who else stands behind you when you bend to do laundry? Someone’s got to make sure you don’t expose what’s mine. And clearly… you could’ve if I weren’t there.” He had eyes of pure lust, looking at me not like I was a piece of meat however but like I was a long deserved experience of a high. Like I was a high that kept running from him, leaving him sexually frustrated… maybe because I was.

”Waxed, too?” The words came out of him in utter surprise and I kept eye contact  with him as he continued to get his hands dirty with my slit, naturally lubing them up.

”We… we shouldn’t do this… Stacy will… she will wake up…” 

“No she won’t. Stacy will be fine. You know why?” Fingers that had the scent of my inside found my chin and hooked under it, forcing me to follow his eyes and mouth carefully as he spoke.

”Because you’re going to be completely silent. Not a word, not a croak, not a…”

He without warning slid his hand up my shirt, bypassing my bra like it was nothing but a minor, inconvenient hassle, only to pinch my nipple with vigour between his thumb and forefinger. 

I immediately let out a whimper mixed with a groan of fleeting pain, wrapping my own fingers around his wrist as he kept his hand pressed firmly inside of my shirt. 

“That. Not any of that either, okay?” I nodded my head and the pleasure plagued my mind so badly for a second everything else disappeared and it was just the both of us trapped within this moment.

“Fuck… I wonder how tight you’ll be when I-“ 

Ring. Ring. For a second, both of us just froze and stayed there, letting out deep breaths and contemplating. But then, I fixed him with that apologetic stare.

He knew exactly what it meant and fought to pull his hands away from me, adjusting his hardness within his shorts as he walked up to the phone, answering it and pulling it up to his ear.

I eavesdropped the entirety of the call, although technically I doubt that term would fit here considering he was right in front of me and it wasn’t like we were in a private office.

“The deal stands. Italy is going to be mine. Gojo enterprises is not my father’s to hold control over anymore… One way or another he is going to have to admit the truth. He’s grown weak, and… I call the shots from now on.” 

I fixed my dress back down and Satoru’s head whipped to me, landing back out the slit of the window as he focused in on the call again.

”You’ve interrupted me at an important time, Nanami.” 

I should’ve known.

Nanami was now practically Satoru’s right hand man in the grand scheme of things. He had moved up several tiers in the company and knew about all of mine and Satoru’s backstory. Or so I thought.

But then again, it was Satoru who had explained it to him.

”I got a wife and baby to take care of… Come on Nanami. The board can shut their mouths for just a couple hours. They need us more than we need them, and that’s something no amount of document signing can deny.” 

I liked it when he spoke like this. Although I had no sort of clue as to what he was actually referring to, it made me feel like the most confident woman alive to say I’m married to him. 

I dropped my gaze down to my lap, a large gem encrusted alongside much smaller diamonds wrapped around my ring finger, holding possession over the rest of my body. 

He proposed the day after the fall of the Fushiguro empire, what with the announced deaths of both the father and son duo. 

With that being said, I found I couldn’t help but to let my gaze seep into his shirt one more. Flicks of sunlight from that slit in the window began to expose the deep scar that ran along he side of his abdomen. A testament of his love towards me. A show of what he was willing and able to do, to be able to save me in any circumstance.

”I’m hanging up now, Nanami. There’s bad phone connection…”

”No… I’m not lying…”

”Just because I’m a billionaire, it doesn’t mean I have perfect network, okay bye!” 

I watched him click the cut button of the call without hesitation, taking his phone and throwing it into the living room, landing it onto the couch with ease.

“Baby, come here… we’ll be quick…” He already made moves towards me, shrugging his shirt off of him with a look of pure desperation and need now loitering in his eyes, a clear sign of how much he wanted to spend his time with me… or rather doing me.

”Thought you had to go see the board?” 

Before he even replied back, his hands were sifted under my thighs and I was lifted off the counter, practically transported all the way from the living room and the kitchen to the bedroom. Mid way, he made one single stop to switch on the baby monitor, taking a glance back at Anastasia to see she was okay.

In the bedroom, I heard the click on of the connected baby monitor on our bedside table, and before I knew it I was planted in the middle of the bed. There was no way to escape with Satoru. 

Hands lifted up and away from my body, he placed them far on either side of me to survey me in this moment, watching the way J stared back up at him with rosy cheeks and a rising chest. 

His hands worked on my shirt with no fail, slipping them up off my body before I could even let out a single slip of protest, low groans of pure desire unleashed from him with every bit of my skin he unveiled.

”Fuck… how could you birth out Anastasia and still look like that? It’s like you were blessed to be in this body forever…” He leaned into me like a man diving into his meal and before I knew it, hands squeezed around my wrists and bunched them together as he landed peppered kisses down on to my neck and the upper half of my chest.

”T-that’s so ticklish…” With the uttering of the last word, his tongue came out of his mouth to further attack me, licking long stripes up and down my neck just to leave a cooling, damp sensation behind.

”You taste so fucking sweet… If we had the time I would have both your legs on either side of my head right now… You know I’d be glued to that pussy, right?” His tone sounded guilty toward me, like he owed me so much that wasn’t being given. 

But I always felt overwhelmed around him. No matter what we were doing, merely his presence stirred me on and caused a growing ache between my legs. Just the way he spoke to me, and took care of me. The way he took care of Anastasia…

“I thought you said quick… but you’re the one stalli-“ Bad mention.

Within seconds I felt a slight tingling as my panties were yanked off of my body, thrown to the floor as if he thought I’d access them in that time and put them on again, like a subtle warning that he would get what he want.

Then, he finally removed his own shorts. He slipped them off and threw them till they landed right beside my panties. I had been staring for too long and he held my chin again in his hands, directing my gaze on to the throbbing length that was right in front of my eyes, pre cum creating a web of fluids from the tip of his cock to the base. 

“It’s you. You always make me feel this fucking much. Look at me, sweetheart. Look. I’m throbbing for you.”

I watched the way his cock twitched rhythmically, like it was contracting in and out at the mere sight of me in front of him. 

The tip was a deeper shade of pink than I was used to, and I ended up looking at his face again to avoid wondering how badly his cock would want to thrust into my insides tonight. 

“Let’s see…” The words came out in a slight purr as he grabbed at both of my ankles with precision, spreading me open like I was a turkey, ready to be filled.

I had to hold my breath at how quickly he did it, on the breaking point of separating my legs to the point of causing any pain and whimpering. 

He knew my body all too well, and of course he did. It was his.

”There’s honestly nothing I love as much as this fucking pussy… fuck… always so wet for me like a good fucking pussy…” He said the words in low murmurs, pumping himself in and out in his hand. I watched and couldn’t help but listen to all of the squelching noises as he did so, his palm glistening with every time he let go for a second.

”And you. Little Miss Pretty Eyes. Next time you want me, you say it. No more…” I gasped as two fingers invaded me without my foreseeing, a slither of pain replaced immediately by pure comfort. “… prancing around with those red panties, and no more  saying no when you really want it… okay?” 

He had a stern look that I couldn’t miss for how much it seemed to seep into my soul, and his fingers paused inside of me malevolently as he waited for me to say yes. 

I nodded my head with full confidence and committing to what he said, I felt a rise of emptiness spread through me as his fingers thrusted themselves out. 

My head tilted back as I stayed lying down, a simple groan slipping out of my mouth. Then, I felt a smack. 

“What did I say about noises, baby?” 

Contradicting himself, the noise rang in my head from how he left a harsh, red mark on my ass cheek. My eyes slipped between us and I came to see his hands massaging into the ever so slightly reddened area, knowing exactly how slow to go and how deep into my skin.

”I’m sorry…” 

“Sorry what?” 

“I’m sorry… Satoru.” 

Smack.

At this rate, Anastasia would wake up and I’d have to drag my own husband by the ear to go console her, but it seemed my entire body was too busy being taken over by his control. 

“Not Satoru…” 

“Daddy?” 

He massaged back into the plushness of my skin, leaning down and planting soft, wet kisses from my ass to up my thigh. 

“That’s it… Well done.” 

Satoru got turned on when I called him Daddy. It stemmed from when I would address him in front of Anastasia and he loved nothing more than the consistent reminder that he had sex with me, and now I was tied down to him by blood with a child. 

Just to know that I carried a part of him in me, and gave birth… not only did it warm his heart and further deepen how he felt about me like nothing else… but it also spread warmth to his cock too. 

“You want it in?” 

Our breathing became more shallow as we came closer to one another, courtesy of Satoru leaning down completely in now with his cock lined up at my entrance and him situated above my head. 

“Yes…”

”Yes what?” 

”Yes Daddy…” 

“I don’t think you want it in that badly… if you did you’d be a lot more touchy wouldn’t you?” 

I opened my eyes up from them being closed in a fit of pure lust, and sure enough he was just waiting. His neck was exposed for me and I took in those harsh slits in his eyes that told me everything he needed.

Within seconds, my mouth was wrapped around the side of his neck and I sucked like nothing ever, the one spot he couldn’t tolerate known to me like it was a map I traversed over a million times.

Maybe because I did.

”Fuck…” I loved those low noises he made, because with every time I heard them I knew it meant that when he held me, fucked me, and sent me to orgasm it would all just be done with a little more purpose.

I began to press my lips now under his jaw, making my way up to his own mouth.

”Please… please put it in me…”’

Thrust.

We both failed as we couldn’t help the moan that left both of our mouths at the same time, a long breathy and sharp one that expressed how it felt being fitted into one another after so long. 

He didn’t smack my ass this time, as he was too busy already beginning to roll his hips. I let out small whimpers with each time his cock seemed to burrow deeper into my hole, angling up and finding my G spot with absolute ease.

“Fuck… so fucking pretty…” He brought a hand down to my forehand and his fingers worked at clearing my face of any coiled up hair, instead making sure that all my features were clearly present for him to see and prey on. 

I could feel how hard he was inside of me, and it never seemed to cease as he hit all the right spots, his cock brushing against every single gummy area. 

“Fuck… we might end up making another Anastasia…” I shook my head and laughed, and he joined with me, our lips meeting as we let little grins rise to the surface, all supported by the sheer pleasure coursing through us at how he continued to thrust in. 

“You want to milk me? Is that it? You want your Satoru to come right inside of you? Where he belongs?” He loved dirty talk for the way it made me tighten around him. Sometimes it felt like he wasn’t speaking to my mind, but rather my body and I would let that happen until he would fist my hair gently into his fingers, not hard enough to cause any sort of pain as he would make me face him and slam back into reality. 

Our noses and lips kept rubbing up against one another with every time he thrusted in and rose up on the bed, and I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly as though wanting to hold him in place, and yet really I wanted nothing more than for him to slam even harder.

”Oh fuck… I missed this…” The words tumbled out of me and landed right inside of his ear, promoting him like fuel to the fire as he spread my legs out even more, folding them back so he could angle his cock in me with absolute precision.

I felt my body fighting and let out a series of no’s but he didn’t listen. As long as it wasn’t the safe word, he took it as a means to keep going. 

It felt like he was brutalising my bladder, and eventually I tried to push him but alas he didn’t give up. He knew, and I knew exactly what was coming up.

His fingers found their way down to my clit and he began to circle it with harsh, fast movements, watching intently as his cock’s length seemed to disappear in and out of me.

”Stop resisting… I frankly don’t give a fuck right now if you’re embarrassed, my sweet darling…” I let out a final, defeated moan at a high shrill as I latched around him, legs twitching fiercely. He continued to rub at me, and I kept shaking my head, groans tearing through me of protest.

Eventually, it all subsided till he was back to slow movements inside of me, staring down at my cross face.

”I’m not washing these sheets.” I crossed my arms over and faced away from him, although in all honesty I was the one up for a display of absolute vulnerability.

”I’ll gladly clean up your squirt.” I further faced away and a small laugh erupted out of him, his thrusts beginning to increase in pace as he got closer down to me again.

”What’s wrong? Is my embarrassed little 20 year old upset that she squirted all over the both of us? That her pretty, sore pussy couldn’t take it?” 

“I told you to stop, now the entire bed is-“ He cut off my arguments with a slip of his tongue into my mouth and suddenly I knew it was his game plan all along. He just wanted me to stop sulking and start kissing.

I let out noises of disagreement and he bit my lip for every one, sinking his tongue back inside of me and replying with low ‘mmm’s of acceptance for me to follow through with.

Then, I let out a small yelp as I felt myself be flipped over, his hands forcing me to arch for him as he started to slam into me from the back now.

With every time his hips landed on my ass, he made a comment about the recoil and kept going, and although I didn’t have eyes on the back of my head I could tell he couldn’t tear that perverted gaze away. 

“Fuck… baby… are you ready? I’m… I’m… oh fuck baby, be a good girl and take it all in…” 

Chapter Text

“Wa… Wawawa…” It was like someone working on a remix, the same noise playing throughout the entire day and spontaneously switching up into renditions. Stacy loved to talk. And unfortunately for me, I was the type of mom who loved to listen. 

I spent a lot of my day pretending to be doing adult things, like watching cooking shows on the television and finally adding up the bills in the house, but I couldn’t help the way my ears seemed to prioritise the little babbling noises that came out of my high pitched baby. 

I was like a child coming across the National Discovery channel for the first time. I just couldn’t look away from her. Especially not when it felt like she was putting the show on for me.

Most our days went on like this. 

I never actually had to stress about big things. He did exactly as he said he would and took care of everything. There were never paparazzi, or our parents here. There was never reminders for the bills, although naturally I never liked to be a staller. There were never fights in the neighbourhood, or areas to be careful around.

The only thing that could ever get to me was the weather, and that was because I willingly chose to step out. The entire house was air conditioned, with them fitted in every single room. 

He paid attention to detail, but how could he not? He knew me like no one else. 

Every time I even tried to cut up cucumbers in my kitchen on the board, I’d get a gust of wind from the mini fan he installed, attached to a pipe that was facing where I would typically cook. 

That day, I had to admit. My husband seemed a lot more attractive, even more than he usually does. 

But the most attractive thing about Gojo Satoru as a man had to be the way he intended entirely for me to never get a whiff of any problems that seemed to rise. 

Like I said, bills never came in reminders at the house. He made sure to pay everything before anyone even could let out a doubt. On top of that, if there were troubles at the company, he would always be ambiguous on the calls and just claim that whoever was causing the problems would succumb eventually. Then he would throw the phone somewhere and just come over to distract me. 

It was hot. He didn’t want me to be the protector of anything, but our child. Heck, he’d probably even get a nanny for Stacy, or stay at home more often if I sighed in front of him while taking care of her. 

That’s why I always did my best, and tried my hardest. To be the good girl he always claims I am. 

But of course, he made his best efforts with the biggest problem we had. 

I leaned forward and let out a small breath, preparing myself regardless as I switched on the television. I went straight to YouTube and found the news channel I watched back at home. 

“Thank you, Mirui. For that insight. And of course, everyone still wants to know what the deal is with these big shot celebrities, business owners and CEOs, I mean come on… dating a step sibling? It’s a tricky scope to navigate and all the viewers are sat at home scratching their heads at the awkwardness of it all…” Oh grow the fuck up, we’ve known each other for 3 years. It’s not like he birthed me out. 

I rolled my eyes, feeling a spark of rage burning up inside of me, only being further ignited by the silky tone of her voice, only working to draw people into the spreaded shit she said about me. 

“M-Ms Kagami… we’ll have to end early today…” I paid close attention to the television, reaching out for Stacy with my hands and then placing her back into my laps.

She was like an emotional support teddy, and I loved the way she clung on to me. 

“Wawawawawa…”

I let her rant about her baby problems, but in fairness I was a bad mum for not being able to respond… or process any of what she was saying. 

Instead I was watching as a young man with a headpiece on almost jogged his way over to the newslady in question, whispering frantically in her ear.

”He can’t shut us down… it was one comment…” I gulped, but there was no doubt to be had. You could just feel and know when something was his work. And this was his artistic mark.

”He says it’s a comment too much.” The man grabbed a phone that was handed to him from off screen and placed it against his ear, and it was only then that he wiped the sheen of sweat on his forehead and I realised how panicked he seemed.

You could almost bet that was Greece and I was the one in Japan. 

“Yes… Yes of course, Sir.” The man positioned the phone at the newslady’s ear and I watched as her eyelashes shifted upwards, eyes so wide they could’ve popped out of her head in shock. God, what did he say? 

It felt like watching a telenovela, and I couldn’t quite seem to pull myself away from the screen. I felt like a toddler in front of Cocomelon and some would say it was humbling, the way my own child was attempting to yank my attention away.

I was about to give in as well, eyes peeled to search for her binkie amidst the messes of toys, when finally I heard his voice through the phone. My head jolted up and sure enough, the woman pressed the phone against the mic she was wearing, rolling her eyes in disagreement, and yet she was the one who was completely compliant in this situation.

”I would like to make an announcement to this channel, and the other channels.” I gulped, but what good was it to do that? It’s not like I was swallowing down his words. Those were bound to fall out at any point.

”I have a couple things to say.” A couple? Oh kill me,

”First of all. I never liked this news channel from the start. You people support the wrong kind of folk running for president, and the propaganda is intense.” If this didn’t pull my mother out of hiding, I didn’t know what would.

”Second of all, I think all of your headlines are tacky. You are just sick, racist, classist people. You believe that only those born in Japan of higher class are the ones with halos, and yet in the same breath to appease the rest of the nation after bullying them for most of the day, you decide to spit on the names of the only people in this celebrity world you talk about who actually care about aforementioned people. Exhibit A-“ Oh no… not the notes.

”Gojo Enterprises donated 54 million over the course of 6 years, and this was supervised at several points of both the transaction and the outcome. We have placed over hundreds of thousands of people off of the street. We are working to create restaurant chains that will serve the homeless for free. We raise for amputees, the LGBT, refugees, the homeless, those with down syndrome, those with breast cancer, those with mental health issues-“ Why would you cause this, you dumb news people?

”-And so on so forth. Meanwhile, a simple Google search has told me that your lame ass company… mind my language, it was for the effect of sincerity, has done less than…. a thousand times, according to this calculator I have in front of me… than we have.” 

The woman opened her mouth, and yet as soon as she tried to even defend herself, I watched her lips waver as they clamped shut. 

“Third of all, you seem to talk a lot online about celebrities right? I feel it’s only fair if we discuss you too… After all you are a big celebrity… or you claimed so in this Tweet from 2018 where you explicitly mentioned being ‘bigger than half the other fucks out there today’. This was merely 5 days after your first visit to the… Met Gala. Typical.” 

I watched the life leave her face and for a split second, I even felt bad. So much so, half of me wanted to turn off the channel and give someone in that studio just a moment of gratitude as they watched the viewer count drop, even if it was by 1. But then, I tilted my gaze down to the baby in my lap. 

The second Stacy was born, there were articles about her everywhere, and the blasphemy of it all. And the biggest one came from this channel. Tou-motherfucking-ché, Satoru. 

“Personally, I also liked the Met Gala, but not to the extent that you did Ms Kagami. I stopped accepting the invites early on.” Crimson stained her face, and it wasn’t deliberate by the makeup artist that styled her in the morning.

”Lastly, I figure we should move on to the matter that everyone seems to be talking about, but for what reason I can’t be so sure. But if we are talking about this, then I’d prefer if anyone listening kindly paid close attention and put down their knitting needles and attitudes, as I’m only going to explain once.” Gulp.

”The step sibling relationship that you all love to refer to, does not have that nature or element to it. Y/N, who is my wife that you should address by name and not random accusations, and I decided consensually to get married around a year ago. I understand that to the public this came across as a shock, and a lot even considered it to be incest. It was not incest. Y/N and I were never blood related, and we were aware from the beginning that the way we felt for one another was never that of a sibling’s bond. Furthermore, we knew each other for days before we liked each other. It wasn’t like a love that grew after 15 years watching each other eat, and drink out of the same breast milk. I don’t know why you people… anyways… I think I’ve said all I need to say about this situation. We are happily married, and our child is an angel. No, you cannot know her name nor what she looks like. So don’t ever ask for that. And no, we will not encourage our daughter to do fucking incest… I mean come on whoever the hell Hogan243 was… get arrested.” 

“Oh and lastly… a general warning. You could come at me for anything I do. You could attack me, breach me, slander me and do whatever you wanted. But… see there’s something that I will not tolerate. I’m going to go on every forum, site and social media tomorrow. I’m going to search up Y/N L/N and all the associated tags or titles, like my wife… my ‘step-sister’… my child’s mother… whatever. I will just go through them. I kindly, from the bottom of my heart, advise you to delete your posts. Kindly.” 

With that, I let Ms Kagami’s string of curse words and the throwing of the small device at the young man prompt me to finally switch off the spectacle occurring in front of me. 

I wondered if in that moment my little Anastasia gained consciousness too, because as we looked at each other I realised she inherited my face of ‘WTF’ clearer than anything else. Me too, baby. Me too.

-

“So how was work?” He sat at the other end of the table to me, drink of red wine in hand and the slumped mess of his tie in another, partially off of his neck. His body could’ve spelled out that he was tired, but the look on his face as he stared at me always claimed different. 

His beaming smile never left, and often times I wondered if it was an act. It was stupid to do so, especially what with the antics he pulled.

Every morning, Satoru would dissect the covers and my own spread limbs away from my face, just to get a look at my features before he left for work. He called it his good luck charm, and I called it the time I looked worst in the day. He disagreed. Then I wondered, what did he think was my worst then? 

“Work was a bit tiring, but really good.” It was always a bit tiring, according to him. 

Satoru didn’t hide things from me. He told me whenever he had a horrific day, because that just meant he would sit there pouting at me and by the end of the night we’d end up tangled in each other, naked. If anything, it was a plus for him. 

I worried about Satoru. Not that he was in a worse condition than he stated… but more like he was putting other people in worse conditions… just so they wouldn’t end up slandering me.

”Any good news today?” I attempted to play it off as subtle as I could, and yet the way his eyes found my face instead of the juiced up steak on his plate seemed to speak volumes to me. 

He then glanced at Anastasia, and she ended up babbling her words to the both of us, befuddled herself.

She must’ve been wondering why Mommy chose to sit on the other end today, instead of right next to Daddy. 

“We made a good sale.” 

“We always make a good sale.” I pulled the mom look on him, eyes squinted as I sat leaned back with crossed arms, like the Oracle from the Matrix. 

Yeah, that’s right… I know everything.

“It’s good news every time though, right?-“ 

“I watched a home news channel today… just out of nostalgia…” 

His knife stopped sawing into the steak and he looked up at me with his head down, and for a second I hated how adorable I thought he looked like that. Note to self, don’t marry a beautiful man. 

His cutlery dropped on to the plate and he cleared his throat, leaning in over the table as if to better access me.

”I know we talked about playing nice… I do… but I just didn’t want to because-“ 

I stood up, and God knows what came over me. 

“I’m putting Stacy to bed.” He got up with me as well, his tie fully off him now and limp on the table, mimicking that of how fucked he must have felt. 

I gently extracted Stacy from her high chair and carried her to her crib in our room, setting the baby monitor up. Satoru almost followed me in but I placed a firm palm to his chest. 

“Not you.” 

“Yes… Ma’am.” Typically, Satoru always took control of the situation and had me do what he wanted. He could if he wanted to, but he’d been playing nice for months now. I guess something about birthing out his child must have really got him putting me on a pedestal… and I loved it.

I waited until Anastasia stopped singing her melodies, all until the clock’s hand shifted from 15 minutes past 10 all the way till 30 minutes. 

Then, I came out. 

There he was, slumped over the sofa with his suit buttons undone, pants with a loose belt. Like he was already making himself comfortable on the sofa. I couldn’t help the amusement of a smirk that grew on my face, and I caught his reaction of raised brows and the slight lift of his lip. 

“Really? You’re going to bask in me getting punished by not being able to sleep in my own-“

I pressed my lips against his when I finally managed to reach him. 

I could tell he was surprised by the way he didn’t instantly reciprocate. Then, it hit him and he kept going.

”Fuck those posts being gone by tomorrow… if you don’t fuck me by the end of today… You won’t get this the entire week…” 

“Oh yeah?” 

“Yes.” 

“That bad, huh?” 

“It’s kinda romantic seeing a guy stand up for you on live television…” 

“Maybe I shouldn’t let other news anchors speak nice about you then…” 

I gripped both sides of his shirt and parted them, revealing the row of abs I knew all too well, like paths traced in my mind. 

“Yeah but which one of them has a body like this?” 

I dove in, my lips pressed against his neck. 

They slid down in a painstaking manner till they reached his chest, and soon enough I was peppering soft pecks along the whole of him, showcasing just an ounce of how much I appreciated him.

It would’ve kept going too, had it not been for the hand that slid into my hair and brought me back from him, forcing me to take a break.

”Hang on.. you said you’re still sore.” 

“A little…” 

“Then?” 

“Satoru if you don’t put your-“ 

-

Wrecked. Slammed into. Crashed. Fucked up. Smashed. Damaged. Washed out. Took apart. 

Here I’ve shown you a list of words that I would use when it came to describing actions done towards a car, sort of like a Honda Civic. 

Unfortunately, they also just so happen to be the exact same set of words that I would describe my pussy to be. 

I groaned in a manner that made Satoru let out a small tuft of laughter, sort of like a way to say ‘I told you so,’ without the words actually coming out. His pampering seemed to know no end however.

For every second that little whimpers and winces slipped out of my mouth and let themselves be known, was every second that he seemed to wrap his arms tighter around me and massage into the back of my head. Fuck, it was like I was Wagyu beef for this man to mess with. 

I opened my eyes with my head rested on his chest and of course, to the side of us I watched as Anastasia slept peacefully. 

At least we were silent… quiet… this time. 

“Are you aware that we both have cum on us right now? It sort of dripped out-“ I slammed my hand down on to his mouth and let out a high pitched noise with my lips shut. 

“Our baby is right there…” I felt like those high school teachers that would reprimand people for coming out of the toilets without hall passes, but alas it had to be done. My daughter was going to be an intellectual genius and I could feel it. Her father’s perverse personality could not taint her now. 

“Okay… okay… I won’t speak about cum.”

Another smack. He caught my hand this time in his own and brought it up to his lips. He loved kissing my knuckles more than anything. 

He once explained to me that he loved the way I stopped flinching and wincing eventually when he did it. He didn’t intend to pain me in the early days, but he always forgot that I damaged them from… that time. So every time he would give a thousand apologies, and I seemed to accept each one. 

Now he painted the details of my fingers with his own lips, leaving noises of content with every pop. 

Chapter Text

“Baby?” I let out a groan of protest, choosing instead to bury my head deeper into him. He would leave for work in a few hours, and this was a way for me to testify against it.

”Baby…” Again, I chose to be the stubborn one. Hooking my leg over his, I let my thighs rest on his own, hand wrapping around his waist and tightening its hold like I was a koala around a tree.

I didn’t seem to receive a verbal response this time, instead being subjected to the torture of him grabbing at my cheeks and making me face him. Of course, the daily face check. 

Through my closed eyelids, the blazing sun still seeped through the windows and hit me, and I scrunched my eyes up with a little irritation. 

Then, the sun left. Like it was swallowed whole or something. 

I let the slit come inside of my eyes now as I hesitantly let them open, my vision adjusting to the rest of the world before I realised his hand was up. 

He was blocking the sun out from touching me.

I couldn’t help the way the corners of my lip turned up and all I could think about was how perfect he was. Okay… Mr Perfect. Just let me appreciate you…

I shuffled deeper onto him, until my entire body was on top of his, like a second mattress. He started to let out small laughs now, receiving me with full acceptance. 

Hands hooked under both my shoulders and he managed to shift my entire body upwards on him, till my head was rested in the space between his neck and the beginning of his chest. He then handled my thighs, spreading them to either end of me until they comfortably dropped to the sides.

“That’s it… if you’re going to suffocate me, at least be comfortable doing it.” 

I squeezed him tighter with my hands sliding under his neck, nodding my head quite absentmindedly. 

His hand found the small of my back and began to massage soft circles into it, pressing deep into the tissues there as if attempting to locate any tensions. But he removed them all, simply with the way he was.

“I don’t get how Stacy seems to sleep through anything…” 

I found the energy to tilt my head up and face my husband, only to find that his gaze was completely fixated on to our child. I faced her as well, and a warmth spread through me. She slept with her chest rising up and down, peacefully. Like nothing in the world could dare to distur-

His hand was under my chin before I could even anticipate, and he turned me to face him. 

I could never get over those icicles in his eyes. Others might have been stunned by them, but I wanted to drink into them like they were glacier water. 

“Hmm?” I had to admit, I was surprised. He used so much urgency in that tilt, I didn’t know why. 

But then, he just grabbed the back of my neck in his hand and dragged me in. 

“Shh…” With that, his lips were pressed against mine again. He was kissing me like we did… the second time we ever kissed. I guess the first wasn’t the most ideal. He kissed me with fervour and like if he let go, he’d never have me again. 

I accepted it, with just as much desperation if not more than him. I needed him. More than anything. My heart panged for him every single second and I couldn’t expect there to be a future without him. 

He pried my mouth open, finding my tongue and fighting against it, attempting to claim dominance over my mouth. By now, his hand was gripping my shoulder, the rest of his arm something for me to rest my head on as he continued to burrow in between my lips. 

When we both needed air before suffocation, we pulled away from each other with reluctance, hands still attached to parts of each other for when we would pull back and make the connection again.

”Fuck… you drive me crazy.” He emphasised the last word like he was coming to realise it all over again. 

“I’d say we should go another round but-“ 

“But? Sweetheart… we can.”

”No, and you know we can’t.” 

“No, I promise we c-“ 

It was my turn to lay my hands down on his smooth jaw now. I held it with no warning and shifted his head to the side, watching comedically as his eyes finally seemed to land on the product of our lust and love filled natures. 

“Stacy.” I nodded my head at his defeated words, both of us silently mourning our sex drive.

He faced forwards on the bed again, still with his hands hooked under my thighs as he secured me, raising them to my sides and massaging into my waist.

“Remember when you were 17?” I scoffed, shocked he could pull up that age right now. 

“I caught you watching that po-“ 

I crawled on top of him and placed my hand on top of his mouth, red like a tomato as he couldn’t let his laughs out, and I watched them end at his pressed shut lips. 

He pried my hand away with great effort, grabbing both my wrists and hooking them together in a single grip. 

“Stop!” I pouted at him but there seemed to be no use.

”I caught you watching that porn… and if I’m honest… since then I swear I haven’t even been able to look at another woman.” I gulped, and all of a sudden 17 year old me was in my body, watching and listening the entire time like an obsessed teenager. 

“I-I know…”

“No. You don’t… You don’t know the extent of how much you control me, Y/N. I stopped letting girls into my house so I had to get a new number to stop all the spam. And at school? Everyone knew I liked someone because I wouldn’t let girls touch or caress me anymore… I remember all the boys would ask me was ‘Who’s the girl?’” 

I kept eye contact with him, and my mind flooded back to when he would give me eye contact in canteens.

“Mhmm…” 

“It wasn’t even about you watching porn. It was about you being in such a vulnerable state when I only knew you for the barriers you put up. I wanted to be the only one who saw that. The only one to experience it.” He placed his hands behind my ass and shuffled me closer to him to the point where my face was looking directly down at his, my hands moving like clockwork to caress his cheekbones.

”I wanted to be the only man you wrapped your legs around when you kissed, let alone the only one you kissed.” His hands rose up and found my lips now, pressing into the plushness. 

“I knew I was an asshole. I knew I wasn’t meant for you… but from the start I had a feeling I was going to become the one for y-“

I pressed my lips down on his again, but this time he seemed to froze. I pulled back seconds after, and he knitted his brows together, pulling me back down into a deep embrace. I didn’t even realise I ended up letting tears out onto his face mid the kiss, until I saw the light shimmer on his cheek.

”Hey, why are you crying?” I couldn’t speak. I shook my head and just hid in his chest, all my limbs enclosed around him as I caught my breath again. 

“Y/N…”

”Don’t go…” He didn’t need further explanation. He had come to know me well enough. 

Moments passed and the silence between us only grew deeper, replaced instead by the non verbal acts he put forth.

Reaching for the blanket, he slid it over me and covered up my exposed limbs, all the way up to my neck. Every tear that slid out, he wiped as soon as it passed the threshold of my eyelids. Like it was a challenge.

”Baby… I can never leave.” I knew that promise long before he ever had to say the words out loud, and he knew too. But in a way, it was still something we both needed.

“I don’t even know why you like me so-“

“Shh.” He placed a finger over my lips, forbidding me from going any further with my words.

His other hand continued to caress and trace my hair, leaving light tingles of just comfort and love seeping into my brain.

“Why does every other man want you? It’s not just the way you look as well. Visually, you are the most perfect woman I have come across, and not even you and your fleeting insecurities can deny that. Even 9 months pregnant, I was fighting people with staring battles on the street. But that’s not all. You’re intelligent Y/N. You always did well at school and respected the teachers. You came back with grades that matched that of mine. I was the top boy in some of those subjects, Y/N.  And you have a heart of gold that no one else does. Just to keep me breathing, you endured hell. If you weren’t already the most loveable woman on Earth without fail, that just showed me even in death I was in debt to you. I would rather follow you on Earth if I died first, than to find peace in some other place. Because you are my atonement. You are my sanctuary.  And… whether it’s deep seas or dark doings… I’m stuck to you because I don’t know light without you.” 

I couldn’t help the way I started to pour out tears of emotion into this man’s chest now, whimpers falling out of my mouth as he fought to stop it, pleading with me to not cry. 

He hated seeing me cry, and I hated seeing him see something he hated. It was a cycle between us, all of the time. 

“I wish I could just enter your mind and clear out all of the bad thoughts. I wish I could give you heaven on Earth.” I shook my head, hugging him tightly with my hands and kissing his cheek with passion. 

“You are my heaven on Earth.” 

-

An hour later, the both of us were up. I washed my face and tied my hair up, and instantly I began to think about Stacy. 

I pulled out the baby food powder and mixed some sterilised water, watching the magic happen as it turned from crumbs to a great slop of a deeper yellow. 

I had to admit, one time I forced Satoru to try it. I wanted to know what hell these brands were putting our baby through to eat. At first, he let out a hum of surprise and nodded his head as if it was beautiful, and then I offered him the second bite. 

He admitted lying to me instantly and spat it out in the bin, spending minutes clearing out his mouth with water. 

Yet here I was, feeding my own child this slop every single day. 

“Stacy’s teething.” He observed and said to me, and as though applauding a child learning phonics, I nodded my head and praised him.

”She is.” I was in truth very proud of him. He learnt all the terms and studied Stacy like nothing else. He was adamant on being the perfect father. But he didn’t even have to try. 

“You’ll be okay when I’m gone, right?” He asked every single morning, and every morning I gave him the exact same answer. 

“I’m never okay without you here, but I’ll make do.” He made his way across the counter as I screwed the powder’s lid shut, his head tilted up. He then pressed a light kiss to my forehead, making the act last seemingly forever. 

“You’ll be late for work at this rate…” I gave him an unconvinced look when he began lying to me, telling me how they could all wait for him and nothing would happen. But I knew even he favoured a sharp attendance. I wasn’t going to let him ruin that. 

I ushered him towards the door, Stacy in one hand as she gave out her own speech, reaching out one last time for Daddy. She managed to yank on to his shoulder and he paused, all of the expressions on his face leaving as the only one left became pure adoration. 

I let him take her from me gently, lifting her up into the sky and then hugging her against his face. From my view, all I could see was a clean diaper thanks to my merciful child, and my husband’s free hand coming down to me. 

I stayed in place, kissing my teeth. He took the opportunity and ruffled my hair, sending it all over the place, one final act of love as he peppered our child’s face in kisses, laughter erupting out of her in high pitched squeals. 

By the time he set Stacy back down in my hands, I looked up at him unamused. I was like the lead singer of a rock band on stage having spiritual psychosis, and yet somehow he still looked at me even with strands all in the wrong place, with nothing but a deep amor. 

“Give me one last kiss goodbye.” Complying, I stood up on my tip toes to reach him, letting him come down to smooch me. I felt a little relieved when light fingers began to flip my strands back where they were, and by the time he pulled away my hair felt neater. 

“Oh and uh… get out a good dress. We’re going to a group dinner and Anastasia over here has been booked for a session with a nanny.” 

“W-what?” 

“Bye,” And just like that, the door was closed before I could retaliate. Satoru, you sly dog. 

Chapter Text

I was almost done. It had been a long time since I last left the house without Stacy, and I couldn’t decide what to wear. Fortunately, Satoru always brought me back bags of something if he could when coming back from long periods of work, and at this point it was ritualistic. 

I knew my husband, and so as I slid open the wardrobe door, I wasn’t surprised to find that a black piece had been separated from the rest. It was deliberate. He always found ways to make me know how much he liked something, such as how whenever I left my ring on the counter after cleaning the sink, I was never able to go back to where I had left it. 

He would make me sit on his lap, hand out my apologies and tell him how much I love him, all before slipping it back on to my finger again. At times it was tedious, but at other times I just loved that he felt that strongly about it.

Growing up, my mother and father argued like dogs about anything. My father was mainly the abusive one, and he would frequently put his hands on her when he could. It wasn’t that I didn’t like Mr Gojo replacing my father, but rather that I didn’t believe in a father figure at all.

Till watching how Satoru treats Anastasia. That… was something else to experience.

It healed something in me I hadn’t even paid attention to being broken. 

I let my fingers fall over the fabric, assessing it for its quality. Of course, it was like silk running under my fingers. Breathable, and yet encrusted with these black gems. 

I knew not to go casual either. Satoru never took me places that were… casual. Not unless I wanted to.

“Would you look at that?” I finally released the clothing off of the hanger that was holding it up, letting the fabric fall smoothly in my hands as I showcased it to Stacy, looking for her active opinion. 

“Wa… Wawawa….” Right. 

“This one it is then.” 

I unzipped it from the back, slipping off a piece of my clothing one at a time. 

Looking into the mirror, a couple scars stared back at me. The slit near my ankle. The cut on my thigh. The light cut on my back… I gulped, and each one of their companioning memories seemed to follow through, haunting me one at a time.

Then… I remembered the look on Satoru’s face as he confessed that Megumi dying was no coincidence. I remember the sheer lack of remorse, and the way he seemed thankful more than anything for being the one who called for it. 

And that day, I realised something about Satoru. I realised I would never find a man who could kill for me, dust it away for me, and move on with a smile for me like he did. 

We were bonded by something much deeper than love. We had an understanding. A loyalty that transcended that of being romantic. I carried all his secrets. He could carry all of mine. We operated like that, and we worked.

The love part came easily alongside it, as we were bewitched by one another before our brains could even come to admit it. 

I knew from that day when he carried me out of his sport’s car, up the stairs and into my bedroom while we were still in our uniforms… I knew he would be the one to carry me from the wedding if I asked for it... and the one to eventually lay me into my own casket. 

“Wawawa…”

Oh, yeah. Right. 

I slipped the fabric on, keeping only a bra and some panties on underneath. They were nothing flashy, but I didn’t need anything flashy when it came to igniting Satoru. All I needed was myself. 

“Ooh a little tight around corners…” I managed to yank the zip all the way up my breasts and turned to the side, choosing to take the subtle increase in my bust as something positive rather than a show of how much milk I had clogged up inside of me. 

I was constantly pouring out for Stacy, and yet it just seemed to all come back in me… more and more. 

All I had left at this point was my ring. I picked up Stacy and kissed her on her forehead, cursing myself as a red tint in the shape of lips appeared on it, her expression looking at me with one of irritation. 

“Okay… I’m sorry…” I rubbed away at the print and then used a wet wipe, clearing her head before she latched on to me, sucking away at the fabric of my dress.

Whatever, it was her. She could do anything. 

-

When everything was over with and I grew an inch taller to the world with the heels I put on, I picked up my beautiful little baby with her great chubby cheeks and placed her inside of the stroller. 

The stroller was a little outdated, and couldn’t fit as much as I needed anymore, and I added that to the list of things I’d need to hassle Satoru about when we came home tonight. 

The nanny had also made her ways, knocking at the door while I was halfway through packing in the baby food and some of my milk inside of flasks. 

I placed it all organised within a bag and then closed it up, handing it to the nanny with apologies. I didn’t like the idea of someone else doing the work that I should’ve, especially with her being so young. But I knew deep down that Satoru was right about me needing a break.

So I bid Anastasia goodbye when God somehow gave me the strength to, making my way down the stairs and then standing outside of our house. 

The heat swarmed over me in seconds from leaving the air conditioned house, but it didn’t phase me much. Sometimes, the weather could heal you with the way it changed how your body worked. It could settle you and remind you that you were your own human, and that you were really living in the moment you were in. 

I couldn’t fuss, and I didn’t want to. Here I was, stood in a diamond encrusted dress with red bottom heels, a Louis Vutton bag and my ears glimmering. I had more than I should be thankful for, and it was all the more reminder.

I undid the clutch on my bag and reached inward past my lipstick and chewing gum, eventually locating my phone. Getting it out past the mess, I went online to my pinned website and started typing in the amount. I forgot my monthly donations, and I might as well have done it then. 

“Hey… you’re sexy as fu-“

”Bye. I have a husband.” I didn’t even look up, instead choosing to shuffle my feet further down along the street. My eyes were more so glued to the glowing screen and the donation amount requested on it. I started typing out, calculating in my head until I found a number that felt right. Then, I sent the donation of £200,000 off. 

“Please Ma’am… just one ni-“ I snapped my head around, ready to face this man with a look of death mixed with pure disgust. Then, I could only reach around with my leg and kick him in his shin.

Satoru fought to keep his balance in front of me, although I had to admit it was quite the turn on to see a 6’3” man bending a little in a suit that only seemed to hug him, and glasses that I hadn’t come across in a long time. 

I turned to the side to let the grin creep up silently on my face, crossing my arm as he finally regained his strength.

”You’re meant to kick before you see the face sweetheart… not after.” Facing him, I watched as he infectiously caught on the grin I had, standing up at full height only to use up his energy to come towards me.

He didn’t seem to say a word, taking step after step, his Black Sedan headlights illuminating behind us. 

“I wish my husband was here to save me… there’s some big man walking towards me right now.” I feigned fear, taking steps back in my heels. Years ago, I would’ve sucked at this and he would’ve really needed to save me after seeing the way I would fall back. But now he got me used to wearing these types of things. He gifted so many pairs, I couldn’t stop. 

“I think you should stop walking away from the big man. I think he just wants to make you feel good, that’s all.” His voice lowered with every step he took closer, and I caught that familiar glint in his eyes. I could tell what he was contemplating. Have a great time at a group dinner with me? Or have an even greater time in our bed?

”Well I think the big man has a toll to pay. He made a promise and he has to keep it up.” The glint was forced away and he closed his eyes, letting out a laugh in my words. Seems I just reminded him of reality. Oops. 

“Will you give him a reward after?” I flinched a little when I realised I could no longer step back, the back of his hand pressed between my shoulder blades. I tilted my head to the side and caught sight of the lamppost in my peripheral. He was such a gentleman he didn’t even want me to feel the cold of it on my exposed skin. 

“I might.” 

“Will…”

“Might…”

”Will.”

“What if I’m tired?” 

“Then we go upstairs now, and you can be tired later.” 

“What if I don’t want to, then?” He dipped closer to me, and I couldn’t help the way my throat seemed to involuntarily constrict, swallowing down my little confidence as he bent down to my height to face me at a fair level. 

“Do you ever look at me and not want to?” His tone was so straight forward and so reassured, I almost wanted to lie and say ‘Yes’. But i’m not great at lies, and he knew that. 

“Get in the car, Satoru.” He smirked and I knew that was an internal victory for him. 1, Satoru. 0, Y/N. But it was okay. I was the prize anyways. 

He cleared the way for me by taking steps back, hands sliding into his pockets as his eyes seemed to roam the form fitting dress over my curves one last time. 

“Ladies first.” Ladies, it is. 

-

The dinner consisted of a nice, homely like gathering. Nanami was there with a woman, and for once I found myself blinking at her and then back at him. I forgot Nanami even liked women, what with how Satoru always mentioned him being a workaholic. 

Throughout the dinner, he would constantly seem to do things for me. 

If my steak was a little hard, he’d cut it. If my drink was empty, he’d pour into it. If a strand fell out of my hair, he’d tuck it in. 

I was lucky no one else seemed to notice. To be honest, I didn’t want anyone to.

When I was younger and I saw couples like that, I always assumed it was for show and that it was hella performative. Now that I was living it, I came to realise what growing up was. 

It was about learning that love shines no matter where you are or what you do. It’s just… no PDA should result into sex in public, or dry humping against stores. That… was tacky. 

It was like a public preview of an Onlyfans.

I chewed on the piece of meat I had slipped into my mouth, and in that moment I came to remember all of the times Satoru and I had to go on family dinners with his family. It was my first time trying out steaks, and he would always whisper to me what I was meant to get. Now he could order for me out loud. 

Nanami finding out about us was like finding out that the colour of an orange was named orange. It just felt like it belonged in the same category no matter what, and he figured it out far before the rest of them. 

Plus, I knew he knew. So did Satoru. He was doing way too much for me to just end up being a ‘sister’. 

I had been so lost in my thoughts that I was only brought back to find a napkin dabbed at the side of my mouth. I pulled it out of his hands in embarrassment, rosy cheeks forming as I began to clean up my face. 

“It was just a bit on the side… don’t worry about it.” 

The woman Nanami introduced us to ended up giggling at that, and I flashed her a warm smile of appreciation. She ended up coming from a bakery where he lived. She would sell to him every day and developed a crush that way. It made sense.

If you got to know Nanami, you’d find out he was a workaholic and dip. She seemed to figure out at the very end, and by then it appeared he was smitten by her to the point of no return. They warmed my heart like that, and I felt pleased to see the way they sent nervous glances at one another around the table. 

Although Nanami was older than me, and this woman, it was a new love and I just couldn’t help the way I reacted. 

Sometimes it came as a shock to me when I watched them and I remembered I was the housewife with a baby, and they were the ones older. 

“Y/N loved to watch me race when I was younger…” I felt his hand slip from his knife and travel it’s way under the table, slipping past the cloth to introduce itself to my thigh.

He sunk his fingers into the flesh, kneading into it and then at times squeezing at it, just like it was play dough for him to touch. I could tell what it was. 

I glanced up at him mid him talking about how he won a race for me once, and his eyes came down to me in a manner that confirmed my thoughts. He was wondering if I was okay. 

“Yeah.. that was a crazy race.” I added in my two cents for him, and I nodded my head. Of course I was okay. I was just a little aloof, is all. 

“Baby… we’re talking about Miami now.” What? Since fucking when? 

“Oh… oh yeah.” Glances all across the table landed on me and I met Satoru’s instantly. He seemed concerned. 

“Miami was… great too…” He nodded at my words, saving me as he expanded off of that. He spoke about what we ate, and the shopping we did. He spoke about Nanami’s tendencies to mention work even while we were there… It was all fine. Just fine.

-

Hours passed after and we were finally parked up in front of our house. 

Nanami paid the check for both him and his girlfriend, and Satoru did the same for us. He ended up offering me his jacket in the end and I kept it on the whole way though, although I doubt he would’ve accepted it back. He said I held myself the whole way through. Like I was shivering, even if he couldn’t see it on the outside. 

It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy dinner. I did. For once, I didn’t have to actively worry about what Stacy was gonna be like… or if I could even eat myself without her snatching the fork out of my hand and attempting to bite out the metal. 

It also meant Satoru didn’t have to take her from me just so I could eat, and feel bad for me. We were at a guilt free, stress free, grouped up dinner and it was all fun. It was. 

And yet part of me was confused. Why did I just dissociate like that from it all? What was keeping my mind so occupied?-

“Baby, are you okay?” It wasn’t a question. You could see it in Satoru’s eyes when it was a qhestion because there was always this genuine lack of knowledge. Here, he looked at me like he knew the answer but was just waiting for me to fess up. Although fess up what? I didn’t even seem to know. 

“I’m fine… let’s go inside.” We didn’t budge out of the car. Neither one of us seemed to make a move. 

I could tell he was weighing up the options, his one hand on the car door handle and the other on the steering wheel. 

“I don’t think we can till you talk to me.” I dreaded those words, and yet I knew they were coming. 

“Baby… honestly I don’t know.” 

“So there is something, and you’re not fine.” I opened my mouth up in attempts to disagree, but it seemed like the ball was already in his court. It was pointless.

“We’re making a bigger deal of it than it has to be… Stacy must be getting tired-“

”Baby, we have the nanny up there. Furthermore, I don’t want us to be distracted around Stacy talking about this with no one to take care of her. I’d much rather her have the nanny now while we have a conversation.” He was using his adult tone on me. That business like stuff.

It was moments like this that took me back to being 17, and then 19. He still saw me as that 17 year old girl, and I knew it. Because I always saw him as that 19 year old boy. 

“I just zoned out.” 

“Thinking about?” A silence.

”Nanami and her.” A deeper silence. 

“What about them?” He seemed genuinely lost, and in all fairness so was I. 

“How much of a fitting couple they seemed to be.” And just like that, it was like I said in that breath… everything we weren’t.

”Why was that on your mind?” His voice was more adamant than anything, like he already reached the conclusion of an answer before I did. 

I thought carefully about what I would say next. We hadn’t argued in a while, and if we ever did it was petty and small, and pointless. Everything ended up in make up sex and heaps of cuddles, and skipping work the next day just to talk about how we felt. 

“I just… they’re so normal.”

Oh fuck, Y/N. You’ve gone and done it now.

I watched his brows come together as if he couldn’t follow along, a firmer grip on the wheel and his lips closing in shut. 

“Baby what does that mean?” 

“I’m… I’m not saying anything.” 

“Baby, what’s a ‘normal’ couple look like?” 

“I don’t want to answer these right now…”

”Are you saying we’re not normal?” I stopped trying, letting out a deep breath and then facing him. 

I couldn’t even tell what was going on in those eyes, and part of me didn’t want to know. Had I ruined the night? 

“Satoru… can we just please go inside?” 

“You know I want to but-“

”Then let’s go.” 

“No. You know that’s not how things work, darling.” 

“What do you mean?”

”We don’t just shift our problems inside, underneath the pillows and then not sleep all night. That will make us worse.” 

“What problems?”

”The ones that kept you in another land all dinner.” Silence. 

“I just… You’re the same age as Nanami. He’s dating someone his age. He is literally just her boyfriend. We are married with a child so… so I…” My throat closed in on itself and I ended up shutting my mouth, biting down my lip. I was unsure what he would think if I went on.

”Say it.”

”No.”

”Sweetheart… speak.” 

“I said no.” 

“Y/N, talk.”

”I just… I think sometimes you might regret having a 20 year old wife and… and having a whole child at 22. I mean… all your friends are single, and at most married. None of them have kids. I don’t even… Sometimes I think we just hold you back from… from you know… being… 22.” 

He seemed stunned at first, and then I watched his brows shift as he dropped his hands from the steering wheel and instead let them land on his laps, crossed over in his arms.

”Do you think that… I am being held back from 22 or… do you think you’re held back from being 20?” I hadn’t even thought of that. 

It was like he Freud-ed me, picking apart my unconscious before I could and letting it unravel in front of me to reveal discomforting truths. 

“Well, Y/N?” 

“I’m just saying… she… she’s 22 and the most she has is a boyfriend… I don’t even… I don’t have friends my age who were pregnant and became mothers…”

”Do you regret Stacy?” What? What?

What the actual fuck? There’s no way he just asked me that. 

I felt sparks click inside of me, but these weren’t that of a love kind. It was like a car being hot wired into life, smoke steaming out of the exhaust pipe. Except now, smoke seemed to steam out of my heart and make it’s way to my mind, clouding my thoughts.

”What did you say?”

“Do you… regret Stacy?” He repeated it with no hassle, and for a second I wondered if he even knew the extent of what he said. 

My hand reached for the handle before I could react, and yet he got there before me. He closed the car from his side with the manual child lock, and I was left to verbally command him, but to no surprise it led me nowhere.

”Can you let me out or no?” 

“Are you going to answer the question?” 

“No.” I sat back and rolled my eyes at him.

”Why?”

”It’s such a stupid, insensitive question.” 

“Oh really? Because you’ve just basically told me I’ve taken away what you could’ve had… how am I meant to react?” 

“I never said that… you’re misconstruing my words far past-“ 

“It’s not just your words. The entire dinner I was talking about you. And every time they looked at you, you looked unreachable. I didn’t even feel like you were there, Y/N. And because of what? Because you envied them?” 

“Woah… envy? Who the fuck said I envied them?” 

“Stop swearing.” 

“See this is why I told you to let me out and let me go inside. I’m just agitated now.” 

“Right so let’s talk like two normal parents.” 

“Why did you say it like that?” He scoffed and I looked around, as if to find the joke he must’ve made. 

“I don’t see what’s so funny, Satoru.” 

“I genuinely planned this entire thing so you could take a break from her, and the entire night you were vacant.” Silence, again. 

“Well I’m sorry I couldn’t put on a pretty smile.” 

“It’s not about that.” He was quick to interject. “It’s about the fact that you’ve been feeling burdened, and I don’t even know for how long now… We’ve never talked about this before.” 

“I’m not burdened. You’re putting words into my mouth now.” 

“Because you don’t let any out.” 

“Oh please, you’re talking about me like I’ve got no skills in communicating. I mean come on, what the hell Satoru?” 

“I’m talking about you like you’ve just confessed to me you’re unhappy.” 

“I never fucking said I was unhappy!” My voice raised and he took in a breath, turning to face away from me.

”If you keep swearing at me, this shit will not get resolved.” 

“You did it too.” 

“Right. No swearing from now on.” 

“Agreed.” We were both in awkward positions now. I hated that we still somehow managed to mimic each other even in anger, after so long being together. Both of us had our arms crossed, facing away from each other the entire times and only back to send out another point. 

“Did you ever want to abort?” 

“Satoru, stop talking.” 

“It’s important to me.” 

“You don’t need to know.”

“I’m the fucking father.” 

“So we’re back to fucking swearing?” 

He pulled at the loose seam of his tie and I watched it fall off his neck, his fingers working to get a button undone as if to release some of the tension. 

“No, we’re not.”

”Okay.”

”I deserve to know. And you know I do, Y/N.”

”The answer will only hurt you.” 

“So you did?” He sounded genuinely hurt. A part of me broke to hear that waver in his voice, and it hurt worse to know I caused it. 

I hated hurting him. It made me hate myself more.

”Before you woke up.” 

“You know I’m talking about after too… Y/N.” 

“Sometimes.” The truth came out of me in whispers, but he didn’t need anything any louder. That was enough to tilt his world and make him place his head into his hands, elbow propped up against the car windows as he began massaging into those temples.

”I asked you… I asked you at every point, and you always said no.” 

“Because everytime you asked me, I didn’t want to abort then.” 

“So what, it flicked on when I left?” 

“I… I couldn’t look at you and say I wanted to get rid of her. I couldn’t. Especially after the gender reveal… it made it all so… so real.” 

“Y/N, you know I would’ve preferred if you would have told me that some days you felt unsure about it. We could’ve talked it through together. I’m not the bad fucking guy who had to baby trap you-“

”I never said you were-“

”But I feel like it now. I mean God, did you see how you looked at dinner?”

I fiddled with my hands, finding my ring and rotating it around. The cool edges didn’t seem to offer me much in terms of calming me down, but the sheer look of it was a subtle reminder of what we worked for. 

“I know… it won’t happen again.”

He removed his fingers from his temples and took sight of me again. 

“No, Y/N. Don’t do that. Don’t sit there and conceal how you feel and pretend to be all happy like you’re not running those thoughts inside of your head. I don’t want those thoughts to be there at all. It doesn’t matter who the fuck they show in front of. It matters that they’re there at all.” 

“Well I’m sorry I’m not fucking perfect but-“

”I don’t understand how perfection has made its way into what we’re talking about-“ 

“Because you gave me everything in the world so obviously I should be happy… I should be fine with everything… I shouldn’t be zoning out…”

”Y/N, what the fuck? Is that really how you see me? You think cause I gave it all to you I expect you to be a porcelain doll?” He seemed disgusted, and that was enough for me. 

“Satoru. Open the door.”

”No.”

”I don’t want to do this anymore.”

”Well sweetheart, I don’t know if you know but discussions like these are meant to be uncomfortable. It means we’re getting somewhere.”

”I don’t want to get anywhere today, I want to get home to my child.” 

“Our child, you mean.” I blanked, and my gut sank.

”Our child. Obviously, our child.”

”I still need you to answer me on this… Are you regretting Stacy?” I shook my head, looking up at him with genuine eyes.

”I could never.” I whispered to myself.

”Do you regret me?” His voice seemed shakier on this one, and I felt my barriers lower quicker than when they rose.

”Never.” 

“Baby I… I need you to tell me when you’re feeling these ways… I need you to let me know when I’m going too fast. I’m trying to give you the world I have, not take it away from you.” 

I nodded my head, and at the end I was relieved to see that we came to an agreement. This could’ve escalated in a much worse direction. 

-

The nanny must have sensed the tension between us because I could only offer her the slight curling of both ends of my lip as I saw her, as opposed to my usual hug of thanks. I slipped in and found Stacy, picking her up and immediately switching into mom mode.

It became a vicious habit, to forget all about myself in these situations and prioritise Stacy first. At least then I was still doing something useful.

”Come on, honey.” I lifted her up and she cried a little. Babies knew. They seemed to always know when something was wrong in the house. When something was off. Likely it was because she hadn’t even hugged her father yet. He merely kissed her head and then disappeared off into the bathroom, leaving us behind in the living room. 

Regardless, I managed to get changed into my pyjamas, rubbing away the makeup from my face and letting my skin breathe again. The cool press of my cheek against my hand was a sensation I craved, as it made me feel just a little more cleansed.

Stacy didn’t sleep that well either. She kept her eyes open in the crib, and although she didn’t cry or toss or moan, I knew she was waiting for the same thing I was waiting for.

The click of the bathroom door opening sounded and I got into position on the bed. I grabbed a pillow and sunk my face into it, limbs wrapped around it as I curled up and attempted to force myself to sleep. 

A part of me was tired. Extremely tired. But as his footsteps made their way into the room and landed right in front of me, sleep was the last thing on my mind. 

I could hear him pick her up, and for a second I was thankful. I was thankful that despite however he felt about our conversation tonight, he never let go of the role of being a father. He stayed glued to it. It reassured me.

”Come on hon… that’s it.” Sheets ruffled beside me and I didn’t have to open my eyes and peer. I stayed still as a mouse, letting him place her dreaming form back down. He was gentle, and I could hear him adjusting the space around her. 

I loved that Anastasia had that. That she had someone she could call a father who didn’t strike fear in her. I wished I had that. Maybe then, I’d be a little less… whatever I was. 

I continued to hold my breaths in, almost wanting to disappear into the mattress and not interrupt their moment. I couldn’t help but to lay here scrunched up feeling like a burden. I mean honestly, he gave me the world. And I still ruined his night.

I wondered what Nanami’s girlfriend must have thought about me, or even worse. Nanami himself. Did I embarrass Satoru? Was he going to love me less now because of how much I-

Weight sunk down beside me, so much so I had to tense up so I didn’t get dragged down with it. I could tell he was right behind me, and I didn’t know how to respond to that. So I didn’t. 

I continued to just stay curled up like I was, head buried into the pillow and face invisible. 

I would’ve stayed like that the entire night too, awake and unmoving in fears that he would catch me just lying there. 

Then, I felt a hand grip on to my shoulder. Goosebumps trickled down my body and my eyes stung a little behind closed lids, and I didn’t even seem to know why. 

His hand pulled me back, and soon enough I ended up playing limp body. I offered him half of my body, the rest choosing to stay facing the pillow. I hoped internally that he would settle for that, and just stop trying with me. I just wanted him to sleep and… to forget about all of this.

”Hey…” I didn’t respond. I wasn’t going to either. I didn’t want him to see the stinging behind my eyes. I didn’t want him to hear how my throat constricted. I didn’t want him to see me as this mess that only knew how to be emotional, so I just kept feigning being dead asleep.

”Honey…” He used more force till my entire body had no choice but to face the ceiling. Then, he seemed to get up on his elbow and prop me up to face him, using my other shoulder.

His scent seeped into my nose and the tears only stung more as I rejected the comfort. If I just kept pretending, he’d stop trying.

He placed a hand under the whole of my body, with the other hooked under my upper thigh. Then, he hauled.

Within seconds, I was pressed up against his chest. All I could smell… was him. All I could feel was the way his hands held me, like I could disappear. The way he lifted his palm to the back of my head and held it there, the faint noise of him placing his lips on my head making its way to my ears. 

And that’s when I made the mistake of blinking. 

A tear slid out of my eye, and dropped. I had hoped he wouldn’t even notice, seeing as he buried me so deep into his skin. But unfortunately that was exactly the issue. The drop landed on his chest. 

“I know… it’s okay.” His voice was nothing but soothing and soft. Soon after, several more of those tears followed through and I had to control my breathing. He did nothing to reveal my emotions to the world. He just hid me in his arms and held me, rubbing circles into my back.

“I know… let it out for me.”

”You’re always such a strong girl, let me take care of you now…” 

“I’m sorry for putting you under that pressure today… You’ve always been my good girl.”

And that’s how I realised where his attitudes towards Stacy came from. They originated from how he dealt with me. It was always just an extension of how he loved me. To love me was to comfort me, and to guide me. And that was what he did, all of the time.

”I-I’m sorry… I ruined it…” My voice cracked at the end and turned all high pitched, and my cries became audible now. 

“No. No you didn’t… It was great… It was perfectly great.” Unconvinced, I shook my head and he only seemed to pull me closer, to the point where he sat both of us up. He placed me on his lap and began rocking me back and forth in his arms, pressing kisses to the side of my neck as I held on to him tight.

”Honestly, I should’ve told you way before… and… and you’re right. We’re not the conventional couple… we’re the couple that makes people tilt their heads in confusion over the backstory…” I sniffled into his shoulder and he kept going. 

“But… that’s the way love works. It’s authentic when it’s done messily. Love wasn’t meant to be clean cut, Y/N.” 

I squeezed him even tighter, to the point where I was a little scared he’d get asphyxiated from me. 

He returned the sentiment, holding me as tight as possible with whispers to further decrease my heart rate.

”You’re okay… you’re okay… nothing happened today baby it was just another silly fight… you’re fine.”

“I just… I feel like such a burden sometimes on you… you’re perfect and I’m-”

”I wish… I wish that I could just show you exactly how you look in my eyes. Exactly what you mean to me in my heart. Because if you knew, if you just knew… you’d want yourself as badly as I want you.”

His hand came under my head now, patting down as I continued to cry into his shoulder. If he had a shirt on, I’d have damped it down now, but I reckon his skin was worse. It was like with every tear it was soaking into his flesh and making him feel sorrier for me, what with the way his grip kept adjusting and his words kept on sounding more desperate to relax me. 

“Y/N… Nothing could stop me wanting you. I was half dead, blood all over me as I clawed my way out of a hospital. The only thing that kept my heart beating when I woke up from that coma was your name. Your face. Your eyes. All glued to my vision. And this? Baby this was barely even an argument… I could never look at you differently over it…”

”But you must think I’m such a baby now-“ 

“Now?” He finally took a look at me, and although I made several attempts to face away from him, he couldn’t let me be successful. Both his hands came down to my cheeks and held them, his eyes glued to my features. 

“When I first met you… I thought you were the biggest baby ever. You were horrific at driving a car and… your insults were so immature and… your first time drinking was a toddler’s first time on a unicycle. I would rather die before seeing you as nothing but a mature mother.” With every word he managed to wrestle a small laugh out of me, accompanied by some more tears. 

He seemed to take it though, as at least he could hear me convey something of positivity. 

“Every time I see you, I see that girl who was stood outside of my house with her hand outstretched before me for the first time, a nervous glint behind her eyes. I see the way she looked at me like I was going to bite her right down. Those wide eyes, and those long eyelashes. I see the Y/N who nearly crashed a car. Who persuaded an entire… elderly’s home or whatever that was… to start singing a song along with her. I see the fire in you and I refuse to ever be the one who lets that burn out.” 

“So yes, you are such a baby to me. And that’s exactly how I want you. Now and forever.” 

Chapter Text

The next morning, I was trapped inside of him like the contents of Pandora’s box. He had me in some form of an army knot, using only his hands. I had to apply light pressure just to be able to free myself, turning back every second to make sure I didn’t wake him up. 

I glanced at my side and then back, pleased to see that Stacy was knocked out in her sleep, completely quiet. She had woken up a couple hours previous, but every time I even shifted Satoru would order me to stop, and he would get up and do the job himself. He was like that anyways. 

In the end, if she cried and he was dead asleep, I’d bring myself out of his grip as quickly as I could and take her into the living room, spending hours consoling her if it meant that he could sleep. 

We tried to take the load off of each others back, and we hadn’t even realised exactly how many situations that would be.

My feet landed on the floor as I shuffled down to the end of the bed, and the slit of light coming from our window almost blinded me. We got black out curtains for Stacy’s sake, but the light always managed to seep in from some little slit. 

I made my way over in quick paces, wrapping the curtains inside of one another and standing back, pleased to see that they were no longer moving now. 

“That’s it.” I let a whisper of victory come to myself before turning back, facing the both of them. Luckily, dead asleep. I left a pillow in Satoru’s arms for safer measures, knowing that he would reach out to squeeze something and I’d rather there not be nothing when he made the move. 

Then, I slipped out of the room and down the hallway in silenced steps, nothing but a towel in my hand stabbed from the open door of the laundry room, placed on top of the washing machine, accompanying me on my way. 

The bathroom door was open and I peered inside of it. Satoru left his phone. 

I let the lock click behind me, and all of a sudden the devil on my shoulder started whispering to me words of evil manner. ‘Check it’. ‘Did he rant about you last night?’ ‘Is that why he was fine with you afterwards?’ No. 

I shook my head and flipped his phone over so i couldn’t even see the screen, beginning to undress at a rapid pace. The quicker the shower, the better. I could get back to them and ignore I had even seen it. I could place it back next to him and all would be good. 

Ding. The noise taunted me and I kept away from it, fully naked now as all was left to do was turn on the shower water. I hoped it wouldn’t wake him up. I just wanted a quick, neat shower… that was all. 

Ding. Oh for the love of God. 

I flipped it over, cursing myself like I had committed a sin as my eyes finally managed to flicker over to the screen. 

It wasn’t that Satoru didn’t let me go through his phone. It was that I was doing it when he wasn’t even conscious. It felt… wrong. 

I just stared at the notification, reading it line by line. 

‘You have viewed this video a total of 3,336 times. Add to favourites folder?’ 

Huh? 

My head came back in a shock and I read the number again. But then again, maybe it was Stacy. And if it was, it would be harmless. And I wanted to see Stacy anyways… so I should check. 

I opened up the phone using the password, which was my birthday. Then I ignored all other apps on his phone, my only focus being that of clicking the notification into his gallery. Upon doing so, it immediately took me to that video, and I came to the realisation that he was viewing it even last night. After we argued. 

I turned the volume all the way down and pressed play, the only image of me having as it started being that of a wide, long beach. I recognised it as the beach near where we lived, where we had gone on occasion. 

The camera positioned itself to the side and I gulped as my face came into view, my body practically limp on the floor as I lay there giggling up at him. I looked young. Young as 17.

It was then, that as my mouth began moving I realised we were talking. I turned up the volume by 1 and brought it closer to my face.

”Y/N, we won’t go home at this rate.” 

“I don’t want to go home!” I watched as I shook my head, finding the strength to cross my arms over and shift closer to Satoru on the sandy floor. 

His fingers wound up in my hair and coiled into it, creating miniature patterns.

”Then where do you want to go, Drunkie?” His tone was one of admiration and sweet care, although for what I had no clue. I was being a total brat, drunk and sloshed down like the alcohol I drank, on a beach. 

“You…”

”Huh?” 

“I want to go to you…” 

“But I’m here.” His voice became more befuddled and I listened, and eventually my memories pieced together and I knew what would come next. I continued to watch, letting myself re-immerse back into that experience. 

“No…”

”No?” He placed a hand on my cheek now and the camera came down as he did, lying beside me. My strands were covering my face and he moved it out of the way, letting all of myself be uncovered to the spotlight.

“Home is only you… I want to live with you…” 

“But you do… Y/N.” 

“But I want to… only you. I want to be with only you.” 

“You are around… only me. Most of the time.” He continued to reassure me, and in the edge I could see his hand massaging into my uncovered waist, a means to ground me.

“I want… I want you to want to marry me… I want… I want kids with you and… and we could live somewhere… somewhere nice and quiet.”

He was quiet, at least for a minute or two. The camera was even betrayed at an awkward angle, his fingers covering it as only half my face showed on the other side.

And then, he returned back.

“You want all that from me? Satoru?” 

“Yes. I want to be a happy family with you…” 

“But I’m your step-brother… You really still want it with me, Y/N?” 

“I don’t want anything else in the world, if it isn’t you…” My last words fell off a bit as I began to burrow my head into the sand. Afraid I’d suffocate myself in the grains, he lifted my head up on to his thigh and kept recording as he cleaned the bits away from my cheek.

”Where’s somewhere quiet, then?” 

“Somewhere we can’t find the camera people…”

”Paparazzi.”

”Yeah, the camera people… and… somewhere my mother isn’t.” 

“She wasn’t exactly invited anyways.” I giggled drunkenly at his joke, and then I paused the video. 

My relationship with my mother was never something I could express into words. It was a living oxymoron. She was the villain in my story for continuing on the abuse and manipulation in my worst moments, and her she never let go of me. She placed me into a world of riches and security and there were even times where she would hide her pain from me. Hence, I never knew what to call us. Sometimes I loved her, and I spoke to her accordingly with empathy. Other times I’d wished I’d never met her, or my father. 

I unpaused, pushing my family backstory out of my mind as I reached the last seconds of the video.

”I want… maybe something like I don’t know… Maybe… Greece.” 

“I don’t know Drunkie, we have no branches in Greece.” What? They have 5 buildings in Greece… 

“Make some then!” 

“Okay…okay… I’m sorry Miss Drunk. I’ll make them for you.”

”Make it a big tree with branches…”

He continued to laugh, picking me up simultaneously. 

“Sure, I’ll make it the biggest tree in the world.” 

“Good…”

And just like that, the video was over. 

-

Water washed over me and seemed to find every crevice of my body, and yet it was nothing that Satoru hadn’t reached before. In that shower, I ended up stood still most of the time, delaying more than ever. Did he really craft my dream world, just from me being drunk? 

I hadn’t even remembered that moment and I ended up feeling like such a numpty. If I could’ve just… stayed sober more often when going out with him as a 17 year old. God knows what else I said… and Satoru. He saved it all in his pinned videos, and I found every one. I didn’t go through any of them, as I didn’t want to bring myself the burden of hearing all the stupid things I must have asked for while drunk. 

Maybe that was the reason why we had a sandwich maker, and I didn’t even like sandwiches like that. 

The bathroom door clicked open and I nearly fell just to be able to snap my head back and see who it was, and sure enough the man himself walked in. Locking it was futile, as all it took was his fingers and the singular motion of him turning the metal back round again for it to unlock. 

I didn’t even know why I used it, as seemingly there was no point. 

“If you’re here, who’s checking on Stacy?”

He rubbed his eyes from outside of the shower, and a yawn let me know that he was fixing himself in the mirror. I continued to lather myself, keeping focus to hear his response.

”The nanny… remember? She drops by every single morning because she keeps forgetting something? Like her aprons and what not? Well it turns out that’s actually quite helpful.. as it means I can just guilt her into a couple more hours.” 

“Satoru!” I gave him the scolding mom voice, just the mere image of him talking to a woman much older than us like she was being inadequate setting me on fire. 

“I’m kidding. I handed her a bill.” With that, I heard the shower door open as he stepped inside, eyes roaming over me like a starving predator.

”Excuse me? They’re still in the house, you know?” He creeped up to me and without warning, pulled my ass into his hands like play dough, massaging at the skin and pressing me against him. My hands found his chest and landed there, both our bodies completely pressed up. 

“No they’re not. They’re currently in the local gated park, eating ice creams.” He said every word with a lust filled intent, until eventually at the last one he hooked both hands under my thighs, lifting me up. 

I let out a shrill of unexpectedness, clutching on to him. Showers weren’t my favourite. They were so slippery and… if a man dropped in one, the woman would become a WWE smackdown on hard concrete, or porcelain. 

That’s brain damage for life.

He adjusted his hold on me, using only one arm to keep me raised. The other came down on my chest, gripping my breast with seemingly no shame. 

“Excuse me?” His body was warm, and his scent did nothing but send even more impulses down to my core.

”You got it barely soaped up.” That’s when he finally put me down, grabbing the soap from the holder beside the both of us. 

With one hand, he wrapped it around my waist and kept me close. With the other, he began to use the product all over my skin, watching as each area produced bubbles. 

“You don’t even need showers… you’re spotless anyways…” He murmured to himself and I let out a small scoff, staring up at him. He was so concentrated it was like watching someone figure out which wire to cut for a bomb. But it wasn’t a bomb. It was just cleaning me.

”I am… I do need some cleaning.” He paused his lathering, glancing down at me for an area. 

I grabbed his wrist, and within that second as he came down even closer, I felt his breath touch at my neck and ghost over me. He infected me, with his mere proximity. It was like I needed him, prescribed to me as medicine just to live. 

And so with all those feelings heightening inside of me, and brewing to destroy me, I couldn’t help my next act. 

It wasn’t long before his fingers reached between my leg, and I burrowed his wrist in between the gap, a silent way for me to beg for his touch. For it to be there.

Upon even contact, my body shuddered and he kept his grip firm around my waist, keeping me up as he pressed a kiss to my temple. 

He didn’t speak. He merely took slow seconds to massage the area, and then began to direct single fingers into untouched spaces, letting the soap reach wherever. 

I even spread my legs a little for him, and as he saw my chest heave up and down, a noise of nothing but pure content came out of him in a held back groan.

It was like an artist getting turned on by a cracked sculpture. Like there was something so profound and meaningful that he saw, which I possibly couldn’t comprehend. 

But I didn’t need to comprehend it myself. I just needed him to. I just wanted his praise, and his touch, and his realisation of how much I really… really needed him. 

His fingers kept on rubbing through my slit, and with each reciprocal motion, he peppered a kiss down the side of my face. 

It was only when he reached my jaw that he bent down, lifting me up. 

There was a seat in our shower. Well, it wasn’t much of a seat. It was an indent in the wall that we had made into a seat, as it had enough space for me to be sat securely. It fit around my body with some little leg space, and I moulded right into it, and that gave him the opportunity to reach me in all the ways he had wanted. 

I let out a slither of a moan, legs twitching a little as he directed the shower head in between my legs. He was using a higher setting. 

“Spread… for me.” I put my foot on either side of me, looking up at him with an intensity. He met my looks with a determination that spoke back to me, leaving another passionate peck on my cheek. 

“I want this pussy crying for me…” He held my hand with one hand, wrapping my fingers around his, all before bringing the shower head closer. 

“Put it right where it feels good.” I got to work immediately, moving it until reaching an angle where it hid just the right spot on me, and wasn’t too intense. 

The female vagina had bundles of nerves that stretched over a million and more, and I found the exact ones that elicited the most response out of me. 

I leaned my head on the side of the indented section in the shower wall, my lips pressed against it as I tilted away from him, legs still spread out for him to see as I fought a moan trying to release itself.

”Why aren’t you looking at me, Y/N?” He turned the water up a setting and it didn’t take much for me to learn my lesson, facing him and pleading for him to put it back down again.

My legs were shaking now beyond reason, and all the nerves in my lower half seemed to be overstimulated. 

“You’re getting swollen down there.” Sure enough, he was right. I was horny. So incredibly horny. And on top of that, I was turning red. 

“I need your mouth and fingers…” He didn’t let me get away. 

He forced me to repeat myself, and to get rid of that breathiness that he didn’t take to be good enough.

“Louder.” 

“Please Satoru… I don’t want the fucking shower head… I don’t care about that. I want your mouth and your fingers… Please…” Thank God my child wasn’t here.

”Yeah?”

”Yeah… I promise, please…” At this point, I felt like a child about to cry in frustration out of prolonged denial of what it had wanted. 

I felt like I was being put under torture.

And then, he lifted the burden off of me. 

Kneeling down in front of me, the man was still tall enough for his face to reach right above my pussy, hands spreading me so far apart I became a thanksgiving turkey under him. 

I did as told, preparing myself by placing both hands on either side of his neck. 

But Satoru was always a vicious tease. 

Licking a stripe was hell. My entire body tensed back as if he had run his soul through my spine, and I let a moan clatter out of my mouth. 

“Is that enough?” 

“No… of course it isn’t… Please.” He licked up another slow, dangerous swipe and I felt like someone was denying me entrance to my own property. 

“St-stop teasing!”

”I’m not doing anything.” 

“But you… you are.” 

“I’m licking your pussy.” He breathed the words up and against me. It was like hell. 

“No… you’re not. You licked it twice… You’re meant to be…”

“Meant to be what?” He put me through another slow pain, and I groaned, my mind wanting nothing more than to ride against his face. Regardless, I controlled myself.

I was better than that.

”I guess you just don’t know how to lick pussy then.” 

I put my hair behind my ears, gulping and looking down at him. Why was he so silent? 

“I guess I don’t.” He got up and it was like all the self respect left my body. 

“No… no wait come back… No I need you… please I can’t come without you… I need you…” I had my head in my hands, all the pent up tension stuck at my core where I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t want him to do that to me. To leave me like that, all unsatisfied. 

After a moment or two, I accepted my defeat. I was about to get off, my face all disappointed and quiet. I grabbed both sides beside me and hoisted myself up, coming down. I slipped  past him too, facing the floor.

”I can’t deny you, when you’re sulking like that.” 

Hands hooked around me just like that and brought me all the way back, placing me in the exact same position I was in before. He forced me to hold my legs up, pressed against my chest as he kept me still, his eyes fixated on the gleaming mess he left me as.

My eyes widened a little as I looked at him, surprised. 

“What? Did you really think I’d leave my pussy unattended?” 

I swallowed at the mere hunger within his words, and how low his voice seemed to go just to prove a point between the both of us.

His tongue slid back in between my slit now and I held his head in place, although there was seemingly no need to. He lapped up the area like he was starving, and that meant that his tongue licked me so many times in just a couple seconds, I ended up thanking him under my breath repeatedly. 

He received all of my thanks with low grunts in response, and I looked down at him for once instead of up at the ceiling. 

He looked like he did when he proposed to me, kneeled with one foot on the ground with his eyes seemingly entranced. Except this time his hands weren’t wrapped around a delicate ring, and his eyes lingering on my overjoyed expression. No, his hand was wrapped under both my thighs, keeping me wide open while he looked to me for my face of pleasure. For proof that he knew exactly what to do to me. 

“Fuck…”

”Hmm?” Vibrations coursed through from his throat down to my pussy and I felt my lower half shiver, all just to end up with my fingers practically making a new home in his hair. 

“Satoru…” At times it felt like I moaned his name far more than I ever actually said it normally, and every time I did say his name normally, memories would end up flooding through my head of when he would put me in some un-normal positions. 

“Yes?” He pulled away from me for a second and I immediately shook my head, cursing myself for letting out that breathy word for no reason. There was nothing I had wanted more than for his tongue to seek refuge buried into my core. 

“Please… I want more…” 

He paused and studied my face, till eventually a hand reached up for his finger to place a damp, bunched up strand of my hair behind my ear, revealing all of my features to him. 

“Y/N, are you going to come?” Could he not tell with the way my chest was heaving? The way my hands were placing more pressure into his hair to direct him closer? The way my little moans had in some part of the journey ended up turning into full rollercoaster drops? 

No… no see the problem was, Satoru could tell. 

At this point the water was washing over him still, and the both of us were getting soaked although him at a much quicker rate than me. I often didn’t see him with straight silver locks of hair, and when I did do it was more so a reminder of how raw and vulnerable he could look to me. 

Even now, kneeling before me with his tongue glued to my pussy, it was always him with the dominance despite how different it could look. He could pull away whenever he wanted, and leave me this mess of need. And now, he did.

”Yes.” He pulled off away from me and I didn’t have the fight to yank his limbs back in hope he’d me more merciful towards me. I knew Satoru. 

Truth be told, if I told him I wanted to come into his mouth then he’d gladly sit back and let me, licking away till my thighs were suffocating him. 

But the issue lied in my own self. I couldn’t deny him his pleasure, and I knew he was waiting with every second to be able to showcase it to me. 

So as he pumped his hard, thick length in his hand, coming to stand at full height, I realised how much I had been denying him.

The veins were full and defined, and they had told me all I needed to know. He was holding back this entire time just to serve me pleasure, when really he needed something badly just like me. 

“Touch it.” He didn’t have to tell me twice. My fingers were down on his length and massaging into the skin with passion-filled pumps back and forth, reaching to the side to grab the lube. Yes, we had lube on the shelves. It wasn’t like Stacy could read, or reach that high. 

I watched as the liquid drizzled onto his cock, and for a second I imagined it was like honey on an eclair. I would’ve given him a treat by placing it into my mouth too, had it not been for him bruising my throat just the other day. I was still swallowing hard. 

“Fuck…” He let out his own slither of a moan as I began to work my way down the slippery slope of his member now, watching the way it pulsed inside of my hands for me as I coaxed all of it into not being shy anymore. Into coming right out and meeting me again. 

I was so hyper fixated on his cock, it took the man who owned it to grab at my chin and tilt my head up to face him. My movements didn’t still, but I paid attention to him with pure admiration over him. 

“Get up. I want to carry you while I fuck you.” 

His voice was still low, and in my head I knew that he was brewing up a mental sex tape just thinking all the positions he could place me in when it came to the 4 walls of this shower.

I hoisted myself off and his hands wrapped around either side of my waist to catch me. He seemed to spare no time as he hooked his hands under my thighs and lifted me straight up, a slight grace period between us only for me to be able to hook my hands securely around his neck. 

He didn’t place me against the wall. He knew it was cold, and he didn’t want to put me through that. So instead, he just held me in his hands for a few seconds, practically kissing my face off with deep tongue involved action, coaxing delicate sounds out of my mouth before pulling back with a light smirk. 

“You ready?” I could never be ready for Satoru. No one was ever ready for a dick of that magnitude. Especially with the mind of the man wielding it. Satoru was spontaneous and impulsive, and although things always ended with me orgasming, there was no telling what he would put me through before it. 

“Yes…” I placed one hand on the side of his neck and traced the muscles along there that were tensed, my other hand down his back as I let my nails drag through it. He liked my nails a lot. He liked that they were naturally long, and when he had insomnia he would ask me to trace his back with them. He loved the sensation. 

“Oh… fuck…” Both of us seemed to let out in unison as he rubbed the tip of his length along my slit, causing both of us more desperation than pleasure. I held him tighter, resting my head along his neck and letting my moans sink straight deep into his ear. 

“Even in a shower, the wettest thing here is between your legs…” He pulled his cock away and I couldn’t help my grin as it proved him right, the feeling of a long string of my fluids connecting me and him together still. 

“Whose fault is that?” 

He let out a small laugh, placing a peck on the side of my head, directly at my temple. 

“You want me to fix it?” Jee, what kind of question was that? Of course I wanted for him to fix it. More than anything…

”Mhmm…” I glanced up at him, and we met each other’s eyes. 

“Then I’ll-“ He slammed straight into my cock, adding at least a whole 3 inches deep inside of me. My breath got caught up and I released a slight shriek, gripping him tighter around his neck. “Fix it for you… baby.” 

I couldn’t even make a comment as he began to lift me up and down with his hands, digging his cock further inside of me and then back at the entrance again. I just held on for dear life, letting my feelings be known by the whimpers that reached his ears, only to be returned back by subtle whispers he said for the both of us to hear. 

“Your pussy is so tight… Even today you still have trouble taking me.” It was true, and although he always had me like a slip and slide, that didn’t seem to make it any easier. 

“Fuck… I can feel your heartbeat against me. I’m the one doing most of the exercise but you feel like you’re running a marathon baby…” He lifted me up so high once that my chest was directly in front of his lips and he kissed right at the centre, where he presumed my heart would be. 

He then dropped me back down on to his cock again, adjusting it inside of me with his hand before using hip motions to thrust into me. 

He always made me feel full, and when he pulled out afterwards, it felt like something was missing from my own body. But I just kept thinking about how full he made me. 

“I wanted to fuck you in that black little number all night… you had me so hard under the fucking table…”

He delivered an extra deep thrust into me, as if it was my fault. To be fair, it was because of me. 

“I wished all night I could just pause the time and fuck you right on that red cloth…” I squeezed him tighter, choosing to help him out now as I rolled my own hips now, my ass landing on his body several times as I took all of his length in and out, working overtime. 

“Oh fuck… look at my girl… she’s bouncing all over my fucking…” He got up off the wall. I hadn’t even realised he was against it till he was off, taking the both of us out of the shower. He didn’t even pause the running water, but how could either of our minds go there? Before I knew it I was placed down on to my bed, his cock still inside of me as he continued thrusting like nothing. 

“Next time you wear that black dress… there won’t be a next time after that. I’ll tear it the fuck open and then plough your pussy till it’s crying…” I reached out to grip something of his and eventually was handed his hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. 

He watched my breasts and my cheeks turned crimson as I looked down, both of them moving up with every time he jammed right inside of me. 

Then, his eyes travelled up my face and I was stuck there, under his gaze with my lips parted and my eyes barely able to stay fixated on him. threatening to roll upwards with every second. 

He had me intoxicated under pleasure, and addicted to the rhythm of his cock.

”Fuck… you’re so fucking pretty…” The words caught me off guard and I gave him a look of doubt, which clearly he hated. 

”I mean it. You’re the prettiest woman alive, Y/N. Even when my dick is filling you up, and your tits are about to come off of you, you’re the prettiest girl around. Even when you’re all sweaty and your hairs in your face, and you can’t even seem to control your expression anymore… It’s like watching an angel who fell from the sky and landed in a strip club. I don’t know how you do it…” 

I let him ramble on, and I didn’t know if the tingly feeling in my abdomen area was butterflies or the feeling of his coke poking up into me now from the changed angle he was hitting it from. 

“Fuck… Satoru… I’m going to…” My core was growing increasingly tighter, and I knew the coil that was all tensed up would end up snapping at some point. I maintained eye contact with him, and both of us understood what the other needed. 

He too, was going to come. I could tell. His thrusts grew all the more passionate, and there were noises slipping out of his mouth that even he couldn’t control. And I thought he could control everything. 

“Fuck… okay baby…” With that, he lifted my legs up onto his chest, ploughing into me now with full force. I could feel his cock reach so far in deep that I was afraid it would damage my cervix, but nothing could stop the pleasure that would hit me as he would make attempts to pull back, hitting my G-spot over and over again. 

“Oh… Oh my…” I felt the tingles spread over my whole body as it warned me, preparing my mind as every part of me built up towards the final sensation. 

He came down to me and stole my words with a kiss, his tongue sliding down my throat and choosing to keep dominance there, clearing both of our minds as we were left to face nothing but his cock breaking into me.

”Oh… oh fuck…” The words came out mumbled as I let them out into his mouth, and he met my signals with an agreeing “Mhmm…”

His hand slid down now, although I couldn’t quite place a thought on when it began, as I couldn’t tell until his thumb was right on my clit. 

“Mmh…” He was satisfied by the way my lips parted and closed back in to meet his kiss, his fingers coaxing me straight up to that good feeling. 

Before I knew it, it overcame me. My legs were wrapped around his back, and locked in. He let out a laugh in my mouth at the wrestling hold, letting me place him where I want as my head tilted back, the most high pitched moan of the day falling straight into his mouth as he refused to disconnect for even a second. His tongue swiped over mine and he gave a hum of approval, although I could tell now it would be his turn too. 

His weakness was when my pussy would throb around him, my walls tightening in like no other to wrap around and milk him. He finally pulled away to face the ceiling, his thrusts becoming so quick that the claps were the only thing to hear in the whole house. 

“That’s it… fuck… that’s it baby… I’m gonna…”

I watched intently. The noise that came out of him was so manly and vulnerable at the same time, it made me horny all over again. His chest was heaving up and down, and I couldn’t tell if it was sweat or shower water that trickled over his abs. The final slam into me left a hot spurt of liquids coating my inside, and pulling out seemed to be the last thing he wanted to do. 

“Oh fuck…” His cock was throbbing inside of me now, and it took a while till he finally came to terms with the fact that he would have to pull it out. He leaned down to kiss my forehead, praising me for being such a good girl and so obedient, all before slowly making his way out my walls. He left a thick residue of cum behind inside of me, and part of me wanted to shove something inside of me, just so that cum couldn’t leak out. 

I felt a weight shift beside me and turned my head to face him, body still shaking a bit from the adrenaline of all we had done. 

It was a no brainer that he was already staring right at me, before I even turned my head.

“I can’t believe I married you…” I let out a soft giggle.

“Well… I’m here, am I not?” 

“But that’s the thing… you’re here… filled with my cum… your hair all messy and your skin all soft… and it’s all mine. Only mine…”

”And what about you? You’re the most handsome man alive… and I have you all to myself.” 

“Even if you didn’t want me, I’d be yours. Fuck, I’d never have sex again after meeting you if it wasn’t you, even if you declined me over and over again.”

I appreciated the sentiment and leaned over, slipping into the crack between his arms and kissing his bicep. 

“When is the nanny coming back?” 

“You don’t worry about that. You sleep. I’ll get up and go to the door when she comes. I’ll tell her not to come inside too.. You can be my little naked thing before then.” 

“We left the shower running…” 

I could hear the faint droplets in the background, and before I knew it they were off. 

He found my phone and used the remote control system, flashing me back a smile.

“I made our lives easier for a reason.” 

“If my pussy wasn’t so sore… I’d go for round two with you…” 

“Why do you think I stopped?” 

“Right…” 

Chapter Text

“Yuuta?” 

I had to audibly let out my gasp as I let my phone turn on for the first time in the day, revealing to me a message that I couldn’t anticipate. 

“Hey sweetheart, have you seen my shirt?” Satoru walked in and I didn’t know in my mind that I would make a split second decision that would decide the scale of our relationship. I thought, that I was just acting based off of curiosity. 

I clicked the button on the side of my phone, pressing it down till the screen faded and my hand ended up pointing at the middle section of our wardrobe. 

He always took a shirt from the middle and left it flimsily to the side. It was typical of him, a habit he couldn’t shake off even at the age of 22. 

“Thanks, you always know.” He came closer and I felt frozen, like he was going to take my phone right out of my hand and see. But I let him appear right in front of me, spreading his affections to me in a delicate kiss planted in the middle of my forehead. 

He then pulled back, and was out of the room. 

I closed the bedroom door. I didn’t lock it. Locking it was tricky. I never locked the bedroom door, and Satoru wouldn’t expect me to. 

My phone illuminated again as I turned it on, rereading the notification that seemingly left me speechless.

Yuuta: 

You think he’s told you everything. He hasn’t. 

What the hell was that meant to mean? Did he know? Did he know about Satoru’s killings? Fuck…

I was so panicked, riddled with the idea that someone could be out there with information to hurt the man I love, that without thinking I ended up responding.

Me:

What’s that supposed to mean? 

I didn’t elaborate or offer any sort of assumptions from my end of the table. The more inconspicuous I was, the better. The more I would collect from him. 

Yuuta:

Come meet me. I know you live in Greece, and I’m here. Terrace Hotel. 

My mind blurred on the letters, hand gripping the phone like if I didn’t pay enough attention, it would land flat on my face. There were so many questions in my mind, that I didn’t know how to tackle them without meeting him. It would just be once anyways, no? 

I pictured all of the words in his voice, echoed within the confines of my mind. 

There was nothing I knew that I couldn’t tell Satoru. In fact, I ended up telling him everything. The noises I heard between the neighbours at night, or in the same house at morning even when the man left. The local news I would watch online. If Stacy unlocked a new time record of repeating “Wa” over and over again. If I came close to fighting someone to death in the grocery store aisle… He knew it all. Even if I had diarrhoea, he would be the first person to know let alone a doctor. 

If I was to keep this from Satoru, I was to end up betraying myself, and the one thing that my mind couldn’t hurt. 

“Fuck…” I let the whisper fall from my lips, heart speeding out of my chest. Was I really going to this hotel? 

My mind flashed back to a different time. I knew Satoru hated Yuuta. Since the first time he saw him, he wanted nothing more than to rip him away from me. He hated his hand on my waist, his ability to kiss me… All of it. 

Yuuta was the only other man who could touch me once upon a time, and that made him want him dead. 

And yet, here I was. Possibly planning to meet this man who could ignite my husband’s mind up in flames. 

“Y/N, come here! Your husband’s leaving.” He called out from outside the door, and within seconds I was up off the bed. There was no time to sit and contemplate. 

This was my husband we were talking about, and if Yuuta knew something crucial, then I should know too. I should protect whatever secret it is that he’s been let in on.

”Coming…” 

I opened up the door, to find his tall frame looming over me. It left a panging sensation in my heart, feeling the way his arms gripped around me with such unbridled trust, knowing that merely hours later I would be meeting up with the man he least expected. But I told myself it was for the greater of the both of us. For Stacy’s sake and Satoru’s. 

His embrace was so tight and firm, he almost lifted me off the ground. 

I reciprocated, my face planted in his chest as I inhaled his scent. He grounded me, and all it took was just one whiff of him to feel that way. I didn’t want to let this go. I didn’t want anything to happen to him. No jail, no danger… none of it. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Shit. I clearly held on too long. 

“Hormones.” I pulled back, patting down my stomach. 

“You’re not due… till 2 weeks later.” 

“A woman’s hormones still fluctuate in her cycle, Satoru.” I attempted further to mask my guilt-filled plannings by smacking him on the chest, although it came out weaker then I could’ve expected as my hand landed on the fabric of his shirt.

”I’ll bring you fruits then. That may help regulate something.” I nodded my head. 

-

Leaving Stacy with the nanny was the easy part. All I had to do was click open my phone and make a call, with a price tag attached. She was there within an hour, getting the baby food done and feeding Stacy before I even left the house.

I didn’t typically call on her this often, and I was sure it was sparking questions in her mind, but nonetheless it was a part of her job to turn a blind eye and just focus on the child. Household gossip was not a part of the description. 

But even then, I’d be a hypocrite to say that I didn’t for a second tell her all about what was going on with the neighbours. That was something else. They were literally publicly announcing it. 

“I’ll be back in a couple of hours… and uh. I know I probably don’t have to tell you this but… I would appreciate if you didn’t tell Satoru. It’s a… surprise.” 

Surprise, my ass. Probably more like a heart attack than anything.

-

Within half an hour, I was exactly where I shouldn’t have been. It was nice to see that his riches kept up with him, affording such a glamorous place to stay at. If it hadn’t been from the awkwardness of not speaking to him from years and suffering a horrific break up, I would’ve mentioned that to him. 

The hotel walls were lined with a gold like thread painting the stem of several flowers that looked sewed on to it, in a whole creating the most beautiful picture I had come across. 

I would’ve snapped a photo and sent it to Satoru as house inspiration, but instead I found myself cursing what I was doing in my head. 

Each step felt like increasing the risk of being caught out, and yet the only thing to keep up the drive of reaching Yuuta at the end was Satoru’s face itself. 

I wanted to find any means to protect him. 

My eyes flickered from door to door in a way that left the numbers blurry, and yet clear enough to scan them with efficiency. Till eventually, I came across the number. 

208.

I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I was stood here all inconspicuously, my hand hovering over the door in a limp attempt as I stayed frozen in time. 

Then, the door opened without me having to do anything. The noise was what drew my attention first, as I was so zoned out I didn’t actually see the slit of light that came through the gap widening.

”Y/N…” My eyes met his face, and just like that years of memories flashed back. From him becoming my boyfriend, confessing to me. All the way up to his final moments attempting to speak to me again. 

I should’ve said something. But how could I? I was smitten with Satoru. 

“Yuuta…” I returned his breathy words, although mine were of a different volition. I was just shocked to see him, was all. Shocked for my eyes to land on a face like that, after a year of hiding away from all of them. 

All he must’ve known me by now was news articles that slandered my name, my husband being none other than my step brother who worked to remove all allegations with much more passion than a lawyer could. 

I hadn’t even realised how long we were both just stood at the door, all until he snapped back and finally shifted out of the way, giving me enough space to step inside of the room. 

I glanced at the interior first, letting my eyes roam over it. He picked an okay suite, in comparison to the rest of the rooms I had seen online while searching up about this hotel. I’d never heard of it, and I didn’t have to. Satoru had a home ready for us in Greece within the day he murdered Toji. 

Right, the murders. 

Passing that threshold was likely the hardest thing I’d done while wearing my ring. But I did it. 

With one foot over the other, I was through the door and Yuuta’s scent filled my nose. He still wore the same cologne, and it was like whiplash to me. 

“There’s a mess. It’s inconvenient, and so for that I apologise.” His voice seemed to harden, as if all of the memories took longer to reach him. I knew that by the end, he’d likely feel cold towards me. And… I deserved it. 

“You don’t have to.” I shook my hands out in front of him in a reassuring gesture, yet his eyes weren’t focused on any part of me. Like he was afraid to look. 

Instead, he ended up sat on the bed. I stayed standing. There was no way I’d sit on a bed with an ex, and the ring still on my finger. 

“You know why I’m here, Yuuta.” It felt weird to slip his name out of my mouth out loud, after a year or so of just not letting it leave my mind. 

It wasn’t like he was on my mind either. At least not at the forefront. At times I did feel guilty, but with Satoru by my side I couldn’t shake off the conclusion that it was always worth it. 

“I do.” I watched his movements, and a silence landed in the room between us. He reached for a miniature rectangle box on the side and pried it open, to which I found there were glasses inside. 

I didn’t know Yuuta had glasses. That was new. 

“He’s not the man you think he is… Y/N.” 

Without thinking, I felt the need to defend him. 

“He is.” 

Yuuta scoffed and he let out a small laugh as if he was amused by me, yet his expression spoke nothing of satisfaction over my defence towards the man I loved.

”He isn’t.” Confident, he kept speaking. 

“That man has done things that I know he wouldn’t want you finding out about.”

“That man has vows with me. I know everything he’s done.” 

Another silence.

“And you’re so sure?” 

“Yes, I am so sure.” 

“I’m not talking about the murders, Y/N.” 

What. The. Fuck?

The words rang in my mind and I could’ve attempted to hold in a unfazed expression, but I was only human. Eyes widening and heart ready to leap out of my chest now, I was forced to take a seat down on the chair adjacent to his table. 

“What murders?”

”Oh, come on Y/N. How long will we play this game?” This wasn’t the Yuuta I was used to. This was the Yuuta I left in a heartbreak, stranded on his own. The Yuuta that could only find comfort handed by Hana and others. But never me. 

“What game?” 

“God, you sound like you might actually be innocent.” I gulped, my eyes blinking. 

“But I’m not here to get at you. Because see, I care about you, Y/N.”  

Right. 

“And I care about Satoru.” He scoffed again, like I was being insufferable. But I made a commitment, and I was glued to him for it.

”Even after these?” 

He got up, making his way over to the table and then pulling something out of his blazer pocket. 

Photos printed out on A4 pamper scattered out in front of me and I dared myself to look at each one. 

Who the fuck was she? 

My eyes squinted in disbelief and I brought the photos closer up to my face, piecing together the situation in front of me. 

Satoru talking to a woman, on several different days, at the same spot. 

“What the hell is this supposed to mean?” 

“I think you know.” 

“No, Yuuta. I don’t.” Although the desperation in my voice seemed to speak decibels enough on its own. 

“What is this, Yuuta?” 

He gave me an expression of hurt. Not towards me, but for me. 

“He’s been meeting with her at the same spot, every day for the past… year. And every time they leave in a black car. Winding up at a hotel…” 

He gestured to the 4 walls around him, and a part of me wanted to retch right there. 

“And you took me to the same fucking hotel?” 

“Sometimes, you need to face the full hurt. So that you can be the most informed in a situation.” It felt like a lie. It felt like fake pictures, and like Yuuta was trying to get back at me for the past few years. And yet, I could tell it wasn’t like that. Yuuta wasn’t like that. 

“How long have you known?” 

“A year.” 

My whole world was crumbling before me. Anastasia. My husband. My family. It felt like all of it was being set ablaze on fire, and I was helpless to do nothing but sit and watch it burn, my hands tied up. 

And then, a part of my mind stilled, just enough to let me wonder. Was I better off not knowing? Or did Yuuta reveal the deepest truth? 

“How can you be sure that they’re meeting up for those reasons?” My voice was breaking. I didn’t even know my throat was so clogged up till I heard myself sound so pathetic, deteriorating in speech before him. 

I thought I was Satoru’s one and only. 

I thought I was his only pretty girl.

”Well, I can’t be certain. That’s why… I handed you this information so that you could do the rest.” He stood up from the bed again, and my eyes followed him as he landed in front of me. 

He picked up a hand with hesitation, placing it on my shoulder in a comforting manner. Just like he did when Satoru broke my heart the last time. 

“I trust that you will make the best choice for you and… your child.” 

“B-but you can’t be certain.” 

Then, he let the final image land in front of me. 

My eyes swelled up in tears, my breath hitched in my throat as I felt years between Satoru and I clash to the ground. I had to convince myself that I was okay, my lungs wanting nothing more than to give up on me, and yet the torment of living through this moment was undoubtably unbearable. 

The woman was in a provocative outfit, situated between several men. She was dressed like a hooker bunny.

To my relief, Satoru wasn’t in the same photograph. If he was, I would’ve heart attack-ed right then and there from broken heart syndrome. 

But one thing was clear. 

The man I loved… didn’t love me back. 

Chapter Text

( song: happier than ever - billie eilish ) 

Rain pelted down the streets.

I took a car back, but I ended up feeling so sick that when we reached 10 minutes nearby, I bidded the man goodbye and left. He just gave me a look of sympathy, telling me how he hoped I’d get back home safe, and then he took off.  

Everything. Everything that I ever came to know Satoru as. It was all fleeting before my eyes. The same 19 year old I met at the front of the house. The one who carried me back from school. The one who ordered everyone else to not touch me or make moves on me. The one who protected and kept me entertained, every time we went out for those family gatherings… The one I did all my firsts with… The one who killed for me, married me and then had my child with me. 

And all of a sudden, the ache that I felt burning through my chest since he left when I was 17 till he came back when I was 19 ended up tearing through me. The same ache where it felt like he had completely abandoned me, without a single thought in his mind about whether I was even alive or not. 

Beeps from cars that halted to a stop abruptly for me sounded, and their Greek cursing couldn’t leave me any more distilled than the images coursing through my mind did. 

At least the drivers in the car wanted me to stay alive.

To stop being so reckless.

The images in my mind spoke of another tone. Like they wanted me to die, right then and there. To leave this world in shame, for falling in love so… so stupidly. 

I couldn’t tell when the sting in my eyes fell down from my lids, blending in with the frequent droplets landing on my cheeks, but I was too numb to even try and consider. My body felt too out of reach for me to connect with in that moment. 

“He fucking lied to me…” Who could I even talk to in that point, but myself? With every step I took, walking towards our dream neighbourhood… I felt nothing but a rage that seemed to sear through my entire body.

It started slowly. It ignited with every time my foot made contact with the ground, and then it climbed up my legs. It made my legs nearly buckle over, shaking so badly I felt like I’d collapse right then and there. Then, it reached up to my lungs.

They were already dropped, but now breathing was more difficult than ever. 

How was I supposed to breathe, when my reason for breathing had now become the one reason I wanted to never breathe again? 

He was like smoke in my lungs, suffocating me from the inside out just with the echoes of his laughter and his sweet words, swimming through my mind. 

Then, it reached my heart. And I remembered all the reasons why I never trusted a man. 

They all lie. They all cheat. They all manipulate. They all want you for your body, and nothing else. They all think that one day, when you let your guard down… you’ll be stupid enough. 

And although last time, Satoru and I were a hidden relationship that had gone wrong, this felt all the more humiliating. I bore his ring on my finger. His child on my hip. His name, beside my own. For what? For what outcome? 

My entire body was shaking at this point, and I couldn’t distinguish between the shivers from the cold and my body’s inability to react to finding out such a shock. 

And that too, for Yuuta out of everyone to be the one to tell me. 

At least, Yuuta was always there. 

-

It was painstakingly awful, making my way over to the front of the house. The name plate drilled into the door mocked me, and I wanted to tear it out with my own hands. But what strength did I have? 

I blinked at it, over and over. The motion sensors would have detected me by now, and I was sure my image was up on the security system. They would have seen me too. But like me, even they didn’t know what to expect. Or what they were waiting for. 

I stayed there, hand held out with my keys dangling in them, although my body seemed to show no movement. My lip parted, and a thunder clap struck through the sky, but I couldn’t move. Not even an inch. 

“Ma’am...” 

I couldn’t see. My vision was so blurred out by the filling of my eyes with all of my pain, that all I could do was blink them out. The nanny didn’t have to say much. Instead, she chose to do. 

Arms hesitated before wrapping around me, and for once I decided to let my guard down. 

She stilled me as I collapsed into her arms, holding me up and frantically running her fingers through my hair, all in attempts to get me to communicate with her. 

“Ma’am, please, what happened?” The man I love tore through me, and ripped me up to pieces. That’s what happened.

I shook my head, not wanting to come to terms with the situation that was handed to me. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t deserve it. I thought he was genuine… he looked so genuine. 

“Let’s… let’s go inside.”

She had to pull me inward. 

My feet were unwilling. Not because I wanted to stay outside. I didn’t. The rain was beginning to enter in my back and dampen me to the point of turning sick, and yet I couldn’t move an inch. Because I felt even more nauseated by the idea of stepping back into that house. 

Into the dream world he created for me, all to forget the harsh reality. Little did I know, I was living with that reality.

”He’s such a fucking…” I didn’t continue my sentence, and the nanny was respectful enough to not prompt me to. She gently opened up my stiff fingers, placing her own inside. 

They were warm. Calloused with hard work, but warm enough so that they seemed to actually seep some sensation back inside of my own. I hadn’t even realised how much they were tingling.

”I can’t…” She had already passed the threshold, and was waiting for me. Her brows furrowed, and she stood there unsure of what I had meant. I wished I was unsure. 

“I can’t go inside this house anymore… I can’t…” The words came out in almost silent whispers, my voice lost from me as my throat constricted again and my emotions consumed me. 

At this point, the rain and I must have melted into one another. My clothes were drooping from how wet they were, and yet I wasn’t making any attempts to let go of this draining discomfort. Instead, I felt like I was going to drown in it. 

“Ma’am… you’ll get terribly sick.” I shook my head, but of course… a nanny is a nanny. She took care of even me.

Her hand found my wrist, collapsed at my side, and she gripped it tightly. Gently pulling, she helped me find the God-delivered strength to just be able to step over the threshold of the house that taunted me. To be able to re-enter and stand there, nothing but his scent filling up my nose. 

And yet, I couldn’t do it. 

“I’m sorry…” My voice quaked, and I finally dropped down to the ground. My vomit sat in a murky pool in front of the both of us, and I felt it leave a vicious burn down my throat. 

It’s said that after vomiting, the body releases hormones that work to convince you that you’re okay. That the worst of it is over, like a comforting tactic. But, how could I ever be convinced in this state? 

Every time she moved to clean it up, I’d turn my head the other way and end up releasing my contents into another spot. I couldn’t stop. I was a retching, gagging, filthy mess that was subjected to lying on the floor beside my own vomit, the nanny begging me to sit up and talk to her. 

Eventually, the house went dead silent. My crying subsided, and she stopped trying. The vomit was cleaned up and all evidence of my pain was vanished, all but the flood of tears that left my eyes tauntingly. To remind me that I was nothing but weak. 

“He… he’s a liar.” The nanny kept her fingers strewn inside of my hair, repeatedly caressing over them in an encouraging manner. She stopped wiping away the liquid from my cheeks as it was pointless. They wouldn’t dry any time soon.

My head was on her lap, and yet it felt like my mind wasn’t even a part of the world anymore. My eyes could only flicker every now and then to Stacy, sleeping peacefully within her cot. Even she didn’t know her father was such a traitor. She was helpless, like me. 

“What happened?” I gulped, words unable to form out of my mouth. I just clutched tighter on to the nanny’s bottom half of her dress, the fabric scrunching up under my hands as I continued to release out sounds like whimpers. I was breaking down every second, and this was the most exposed I’d felt to anyone. Well, except for Mr Cheater.

”I can’t…” I screwed my mouth shut again, feeling the bile want to rise up out of my throat. 

How could I even function in front of him now? Genuinely, how was I meant to confront him without fainting on the spot? How would I be strong enough? How was I going to face the world afterwards? 

Being in the house was no better either. We had sex on all 4 walls, in every single room. I thought he was pleased with it. He always praised me, every second of the way. I thought he was pleased. 

Gulping, my eyes traced back over Stacy’s features. How could he do that? To Anastasia? Out of all people, Anastasia? 

Ring. Oh fuck. 

My eyes darted to the phone scattered to the ground beside me. The nanny gently lifted it up, bringing it closer to me so that so that I could read the 6 letters on the screen that I least wanted to see. 

Satoru was calling. 

I wasn’t thinking straight. I wasn’t thinking at all. 

I grabbed the phone out of her hand with unintentional force, my mind only able to direct me towards the three dots on the side of his name. I clicked on them and instantly blocked, his call fading out and then not returning. 

“But… but Ma’am-“ 

“I… I will pay you more money if you take care of Stacy for the rest of the day.” I wasn’t recognising the words coming out of my mouth. As a mother, I was ashamed of myself. I hadn’t even held Stacy yet since leaving the house today, and here I was running away from her again. 

The nanny seemed like she was ready to interject, but upon looking at my quivering lip, something must have changed within her. 

“I’ll do it for free.” 

I clung to her, in the most vulnerable manner thinkable. I held on to her so tightly, my head sinking into her shoulder as she fought to stand up straight, my own weight slumped over her. She patted my head down, and in a squeeze I knew how she felt about me. 

She was like a mother to me. 

And then, I made my way over. Delicately. 

Stacy’s face only seemed to bring more tears to my eyes, and I hated myself for in that moment only seeing her father’s features in her face. How would I erase it? How would I get rid of the memories of him every time I looked at her? 

Unable to bear anymore, I faced away from my child. I reached instead for her fingers, and I rubbed at the back of the smooth skin. 

Oh, how I hated… hated… hated… Satoru.

I couldn’t even face my own child. 

-

( song: escapism - raye ) 

“You single?” 

The bass thudded through the floor, and people were inviting me up to dance with them all over. But that wasn’t what I was here for. Alcohol. I stopped drinking completely after Stacy’s birth. I didn’t drink much before either, but now it was different. Now, I had a reason to. 

I felt the vibrations enter my body, causing my insides to tingle. I shook my head at the man, although I didn’t even know what he looked like. I couldn’t see straight. Everything was blurred. All I could see was blonde on the top of his head and the slits of his skin showing through the unbuttoned top half of his shirt. 

“No…” I slurred out the words, my head threatening to collide on to the bar counter in front of me. It would oscillate forward and back, over and over, only seeing to nauseate me even further. 

“That’s a shame, you’re a-“ 

“Pretty girl? Tell me something new.” He must’ve been entertained by my answer, because he stayed around. 

The bartender was getting sick of me. Not only was I rejecting his advances, but I kept on pleading with him. Not for sex, or for a date. But for drinks. 

“I’ll do anything!” I placed my hand down on the counter with force and the drinks around it jolted, the nearby customers’ eyes landing on me. 

“Then why don’t you-“ 

“Because I don’t want to get railed.” I was glad that he was speaking in English to me. God knows how I would’ve tried to translate that into Greek. 

“But you seem very upset-“ 

“Yeah, and dick doesn’t make me happy…” He backed off after that, leaving nothing in his wake but a disappointed sigh. To be honest, I was lying to him. No other dick would make me happy…

”Does having sex really not make you happy?” The man blurred out to the side of me finally focused on a little and I ended up squinting, just to clear his image quicker. 

“Oh. It’s you.” I groaned, my head slumping into my hand as I rolled my eyes at him. 

“I thought you’d be more excited.” 

“You tried to force me into giving you a blowjob, Naoya.” I spat venom out of my mouth at him. As drunk as I was, it didn’t mean I was just as forgetful. I could still hold hell of a grudge if I’d wanted to. 

“Force is extreme… you had a chance of not getting one. It was a bet.” I rolled my eyes, sitting up with a straight posture. 

“So to what horror have you decided to join me for?” He let out a laugh at my drunk state, and I could see his teeth through the remaining grin. They were spear like, what with their sharp nature. 

“I just want to know how the wife of a billionaire winds up in her underwear at a club.” My eyes drooped down to what I was wearing. Nothing. Nothing but a bra and panties. 

No wonder even the bartender was trying it on me. 

When did I even take the rest of my clothes off? 

I groaned again, using Naoya as something to lean on. 

It took all of my efforts to get up, and before I knew it I was stumbling. He caught me, and I produced a clumsy laugh.

Clearly, the alcohol was taking effect if I could have the heart to giggle. 

Our bodies were pressed together and for a second he stiffed up, as if stuck in between two choices, unsure of which one to make. 

Then, he decided. His hand gripped around me, the tips of his fingers piercing into my sides. It stung a little, and I was sure that if he were to use enough force, he could leave marks on me. But I didn’t care. I was too drunk to orient myself, or to tell him to get off.

So even as his hand slid up my back and pressed me against him, I just closed my eyes. Even if he smelled like someone else, I imagined that for now he was my Satoru. That he didn’t cheat on me. That he didn’t sleep around and sell me a lie. 

Then, the first tear of the night slid down my cheek. 

I held him back with a deep intensity of suffering, wanting nothing more than to sink my problems into his chest. I could fool myself and even pretend he smelled like him, and that the hands that wrapped around me now were him. 

It was futile in the end, as of course I would pull away and see a different face to that of what I wanted, but in the moment I couldn’t care less. 

I just wanted him, even if it was because of him that I was left in such a pathetic state. 

My breaths became collapsed against him, and I couldn’t help the small whines that slipped out of me, caused by how his hand patted the back of my head.

”Problems in Heaven?” His voice was sly, and slithered like a snake. I knew that he couldn’t give two shits about me. He would just report to his friends that Satoru fucked up, and then they’d be in my phone asking me out just to hit. 

But even as I closed my eyes, I knew that this hug wasn’t for him. It was for me. I needed it, and no matter how fucked up Naoya could be, I just didn’t want to let go.

”You piece of fucking-“

I was ripped out of his arms. I couldn’t even stabilise myself, instead collapsing straight into another chest. I didn’t have to imagine Satoru’s scent anymore. I gagged, my body feebly attempting to pull away from him. 

He gripped my chin, forcing me to face him. My heart was going to climb out my throat at the expression on his face, and I didn’t even know what to do. My legs were shaking. 

“Are you okay?” I wanted to push him. I tried to, but like aforementioned… it was futile. 

“Y/N. Stop. What- What are you doing?” He was stronger than me. Way stronger. I couldn’t pry his hands off if I wanted to and I hated it. i was wrestling the man that couldn’t even be fucking moved. 

“Let… go of me!” I shrieked the last word, and Naoya let out a laugh. My gaze turned to him and I hadn’t even realised that half of his face was bloodied up, thanks to a cut located at his temple. 

“What the fuck, Y/N?” He kept a firm grip on my wrists, so much so that his finger wrapped around them was beginning to bruise me. I winced, and he loosened them, although the heat behind his eyes was still burning bright.

”Let go of me!” I yelled again, and as if frustrated by me, he placed a hand over my mouth. All my words were muffled, but he could tell exactly what I was saying. I let out every curse word I could at his face, swearing by any means possible. 

Naoya kept on staring, and eventually he swiped his hand on the side of his face. As it dropped down again, blood splattered to the ground. But he kept that victorious grin. God, I hated men. 

“Let me fucking go!” I started kicking at him now, but he lifted me off of the ground with ease. Both his hands were wrapped around my waist, leaned back so my feet couldn’t even touch the floor anymore.

Then, we were outside. 

There was no more bass. No laughter. No nothing. Just me, the cold and Satoru. 

Now, I could feel my nakedness. 

“Where the fuck are your clothes?” I was too disoriented to run from him, although every bone in my body told me to. There was a ringing in my ear that was unnoticeable every now and then with his shouts. 

He never really raised his voice at me like this. Not ever. 

“I’m wearing them.”

”You’re wearing your fucking underwear, Y/N.” I mustered up the courage to take one glance into his eyes, catching my breath otherwise. He was pissed. I’d never seen him narrow them at me so much. 

“Whatever.” My feet felt like they were going to collapse in front of him like that, but I didn’t allow them to. I faced away from him, walking towards the opposite direction.

I didn’t even make it two steps before he yanked me back, letting my head collapse back on to his chest. 

My heart was fucking with me now, threatening me of an attack at any second. Or maybe that was just the fear, breaking me apart. 

“You do all this shit, and you think you walk away from me?” I stayed in place, my head facing down. The alcohol made it hard to see straight, and I didn’t realise I was swaying till I felt his hand grip my side, stopping me. 

“What would you have done if you got alcohol poisoning, huh? Grind up on people naked some more?” He sounded disgusted. Good. He should know his own kind. 

I stayed silent. I didn’t want to talk to him.

“Y/N, fucking talk to me.”

“Oh fuck you.” I pushed him again, and somehow his grip slipped off of me. I ran, but it was pointless. I was bare feet, and he was almost a whole foot taller.

“What the fuck is wrong with you right now, huh?” He held me back too tight this time and I bent over, the alcohol I had consumed so heavily deciding to spill out of my body for the night. 

“Fuck… Y/N, what the fuck did you do?” His voice lost that disbelief now and instead he seemed wildly concerned, although what good was the concern of a cheater. I’d rather have been deserted by him. 

“Y/N?” I opened my mouth, but it was stupid of me. More fluids slipped out, and he was forced to stand behind me. Out of the way. His fingers coiled up in my hair and I wanted to claw him out, but as I even tried to reach for him, he yelled at me.

”Shut up, lean forward and get it out. I’ve got your hair tied back.”

Chapter Text

Passing out is a humouring experience, when you’re not experiencing it yourself. The idea of someone fading out, to wake up in pure befuddlement. In thought, it was something that could crack a laugh. In the rightest of environments. For me? I woke up to hell, and safety all at once. 

I didn’t have any recollection of when I faded away, nor the means taken to bring me back to these 4 walls. 

All I had was the cold sweat that held my body as a punishment, and the faint noise of a child crying out. My child was crying out. 

I sat up, and a thunderous clap sounded into my brain. Pressure seeped in, in seconds and I clutched at the forefront of my head. Then, I heard a noise of ridicule coming from the corner. 

I tilted my head, and my locks fell down either side of me. My hair was a mess. I was a mess. There was a crisp air to the room and there was nothing I could do about it, as my clothes weren’t on me. I was almost fully naked.

He met me with a dissatisfied stare, and I couldn’t see the man I married in those eyes. It was like looking at the frosted man who replaced him when he was 19. 

Those barriers were set up again, and I had a feeling that for now there was nothing I could do about it. 

I ignored his bitter glances, finding the strength to haul myself out of the bed. The blanket had been tucked in over me, but I had no care for these falsehoods of protection. He was a liar. 

“You have something to say.” His voice was devoid of emotion, all except for determination. I awaited for him to carry on, halfway towards the door. 

“I want you to apologise.” I fought back a laugh that was threatening to climb out of me, fuelled by rage. 

“As if.” With that, I made my way down the gloomed depression of a hallway. Of course, the nanny was at the end of it, holding my child in deep hopes that she would stop shrieking out into her ear. 

I understood that look on her face. The creasing of her wrinkles and the silent pleading for me to come and take over. Anastasia had never been without me before, and it was exactly how I had anticipated. 

I let her be brought over to me, extending my arms out and then securing her into my grip. The tears subsided drastically, and she was left to clinging at me. 

“Sir tried all night… but… she wouldn’t stop.” The nanny added on, and I didn’t even blink. If he really wanted to try hard enough, then he wouldn’t have fucked a woman in a bunny suit. 

“Thank you.” I flashed her a grateful expression, indebted to her for the way that she sacrificed her own time to take care of Stacy. 

“Did you miss Mommy?” My voice cracked, and for the first time within the entire morning, I showed my true expressions. 

She reached out for my face, hands clasping on to my cheek for the familiarity. I let her. Even as I cried, I let her. I suspected that part of me needed it more than I thought. 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… Mommy won’t go again…” I held her close to my chest, spaced out within short time, wondering about all of the things that could’ve possibly gone wrong with me not there.

“Uh… Ma’am…” I faced the nanny, attentive as she let her cardigan fall from her shoulders, handing the threads to me.

”H-huh?” I inquired, holding the fabric in my hand. 

“You are uh…” I glanced down at my body and then nodded my head at her understandingly. 

“I’m sorry. I forgot.” In truth, I didn’t know where my clothes from the day went. They were just… gone. 

“Let me pay you… You did so much.” I mumbled, searching around endlessly for my purse. When I finally found it, she opened her mouth and interrupted me. 

“I… I’ve already been paid. To stay the entire day today.” I blinked, fixing Stacy’s position in my arm. As a mom, I got used to the whole rocking baby back and forth automatically thing. It came to me like clock work. 

“Sir… asked for it.” I did a 180 turn and my jaw clenched as I glanced down the hallway, to see him staring right there the entire time. 

I hadn’t even noticed him enter the room, but there he was just leaning against the door. 

“It’s fine, honestly… I’ve got it for tod-“ 

”Stay.” That voice was going to kill me. 

I opposed him, handing over a look of agitation in hopes that he would just remain silent.

”No. It’s fine. I’m working you over time, you should g-“ 

“I hired you, from the start. You stay for me. Ignore her.” That was the final straw. I had been dealing with his bullshit all morning, but that was it. There was no way he was going to just redact my freedom now. 

Every second, I detested him more. 

I placed Anastasia back into the cot after delivering her a soft kiss, and then I made my way past him to the main door. Was I about to go outside in my underwear? Possibly.

I tried the handle, and to my dismay it refused to move. 

“What the-“ I attempted again, using both hands this time. Then, I stepped back into the living room. 

“What the hell has he done to the door?” At this point, the nanny was speechless. She didn’t know who to defend, nor what to say. She was about to tell me when he interjected, stepping off of the wall. 

His hands were in his pockets, and he sounded so disconnected.

”You’re not leaving.” 

“Right.” I faced away from him, crossing my arms over. 

“Why the hell are you acting like this?” He sounded almost innocent, and it only tugged at my strings more to know that those pictures existed. He had been talking to a prostitute, and there was nothing else to the story. I was just a hit on the list, and he baby trapped me. 

“I’m going to my room.” I slipped past him, not even looking up. I didn’t see if he looked pissed off at me, or if he seemed like he just wanted to interrogate me. I didn’t care. I just wanted to go to my room, and sit there… and never speak to him again. 

My footsteps clattered down the hallway until I found myself inside, choosing to slam the door shut. Then, my hands fell limp on to the wood. My head snapped back and I faced the door, blinking like I was hallucinating. 

He removed the fucking lock? 

I felt like grabbing the glass vase beside the door on the table and smashing it at the wall, and yet I knew that would get me nowhere. Satoru didn’t respond to anger. He demanded you at least try to behave level headed before gathering a reply from him. 

All I could do was just get back on to bed, sit at the very edge and hope to God that he wouldn’t enter the room. But then again, I had horrific luck. 

The door opened with as much force as when I slammed it, but I had that coming. I jolted and tried to hide it, not daring to give him the time of day. 

“You have a child. You can’t slam the fucking doors.” 

As if it made a fucking difference. He got a house so large that she probably only heard a light tap. 

I didn’t respond or even show care. I just stayed sitting there, knees up to my chest. I didn’t even look at him. I couldn’t. 

My entire life with him was a lie. The family I built. The situations I found myself in. How would I even explain to Anastasia that her father was a lawless cheater? That he painted such vivid promises only to collapse all of them for a fucking bunny woman? 

“Y/N. Talk.” His voice was firm. All that affection was stripped away, and he was talking to me with hopes to do nothing but get me to admit I was wrong. But I wasn’t wrong, and I wasn’t going to make it out like I was.

I don’t care if his wife was half naked cuddled up with the guy he versed in a car race. At least I wasn’t shoved inside bunny women.

And hey, at least I got caught instantly. God knows how many times the fucker got away with it. 

“What are you? Mute?” He was talking to me like I was dumb and I had to bite my tongue just to not lash back at him. 

“Okay. We both can play at whatever fucking game you pick. Here.” He pulled out a chair from one end of the room and then propped it up in front of the bed. I wondered if he was going to force me to sit there. 

Then, to my complete miscalculation, he sat down there himself. We made brief eye contact before I shifted in the bed, choosing to face the wall instead. 

“So fucking stubborn…”

Whatever, fuck him. 

If we could both sit there in the silence and just not talk to each other, I’d rather that. Even if I know every second he spends in this room, his eyes are glued to the back of my head.

”What the fuck happened when I left the house?” I gulped, the events returning to me and replaying themselves once more. As if I was going to talk to him or explain myself. 

I just wanted to know why bunny woman? Out of everyone, I mean really. 

Cheat on me with a fish and I’d feel better. 

“Hello? Earth to fucking Y/N?” I ignored him, dipping my head in the space between my knees and my chest. A sigh fell out from his mouth and I questioned how he could possibly be so infuriating. 

“Miss. Communication Is Key?” I begged to God that he would shut up, and just give up on me. Just give up, and leave. I don’t want to talk to you. 

“You know, for someone who found my woman naked on another man, I think I’m handling this shit a lot better than you are right now. 

If only he knew what I was fucking handling. 

“I mean seriously, Naoya? Out of every shitty degenerate, you just had to pick Naoya?” I kept my head inside, the warmth of my own body heat working to calm me down amidst his stupid words. 

“Oh and blocking me too? Real mature Y/N. If you died, or happened to be part of a car accident, or just I don’t know got kidnapped by a fucking cartel… I’d 100% be able to get to you. Well fucking done.” 

Come on Y/N. You’ve dealt with non stop crying at night. You’ve dealt with the media… You can deal with your own lousy husband. 

“How the hell am I supposed to find your clothes too?” It just felt like he was voicing out all of his thoughts to me now, and I didn’t want to hear a single one. 

I hated his voice. I hated how much it would typically be the only thing to calm me, and how it infuriated me so much I didn’t even want to talk. I hate how everything about him was a silky, smooth lie. How he could look so perfect and be so deceiving. 

“Y/N. I’m getting tired.” Of me? Of us? Should’ve thought about that before you cheated. 

“You haven’t eaten since you woke up.” As if responding to him, my stomach growled and I wondered if I should just yank it out of me for the unwanted exposure. 

“Okay. Let’s put a pause on this. I’m getting you food, and you’re going to eat it.” 

I heard him slip out of the door and finally faced around, only to see the door left ajar. The chair was significantly closer to the bed in comparison to when he started, and a part of me felt hollow when he left. 

I hated that I loved him so much, I didn’t even realise I was crying till I lifted my head up and looked for him. 

Chapter Text

My mind was torn. Half of it was glued to the idea of how much he did for me, and I saw it in evidence for years. The scars he wore, the bonds he broke, the company he built. 

And yet, the other half was shaking me profusely, begging for me to snap out of my own affections. At the end of the day, he cheated on me. 

My blank stare dropped down to the ring that was wrapped around my finger, and every second it felt like it loosened, as if the vows we made were falling apart with it. 

My father cheated on my mother frequently. 

It started subtle with the very vague scent of lavender that wafted alongside him into the house. She dismissed it at first, and continued to flash twisted smiles. As if part of her was catching on to that which she didn’t know about.

Then, he grew more shameless as the days went on. The phone calls to ‘colleagues’ were frequent. He spent more time in the toilet than he did his own bedroom. There were lipstick marks staining his white shirts, like territorial marks that kept him away from her. 

Those held advantage over any ring. They spoke of a truth that a ring attempted to conceal.

I created the foul image inside of my mind of Satoru and this upsettingly attractive woman coming together, her lips finding his body. Her red tint staining him, and our marriage. It was like a prophecy repeating itself that I couldn’t escape out of, and all I could do was to sit there and drown in it.

Then, I pictured the worst outcome. The outcome my father got caught over. Sex in our own house. 

Had he ever brought her over before? Would he dare with Anastasia’s presence? Why her? Why her for a year now? Why show up every single time… without fail?

I hated the feeling of being painted as the leftover bride.

The woman tossed to the side, forced to watch as her husband spiralled down into another woman’s arms. 

I’d seen it in my own familial life, and several movies. Yet now when it was in my own home, it pierced my gut and made me lose any form of appetite. My stomach churned, and the confines of my mind seemed to haunt me only deeper. 

My breaths were irregular now, what with the consistent need to cry.

It came out of nowhere and would consume me, and my breath would close up before I could even calm myself. 

How long? How long would I continue to feel this way? 

How can a heart feel like it’s shattering, and like it’s fully shattered, and like it won’t stop shattering… all at once? 

How could I even bring this up to him? 

Would I live? Past his confession? 

-

He was back in 30 minutes, and in those 30 minutes I replayed every event that played both outside and inside of our marriage, attempting to look for the flaws that could’ve given me a sign. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. 

Like he was perfect. 

All I could recall that seemed to make sense with the cheating was that I didn’t know him for two whole years. Maybe something changed. Maybe he did drown himself in crowds of women, all because of a misunderstanding between the two of us. 

Maybe, that was when he realised he didn’t want me anymore. 

“Eat.” Although he couldn’t see my face, I stopped staring at my ring and my eyes darted to the side, where I could hear him. He was too close. I could smell him. I could feel him. I could cry again. 

“Y/N?” His voice was delicate, and I was a little taken aback to see so. Merely 30 minutes ago, he spoke to me with a tone that made me feel like he just wanted to get my antics out of the way, pissed off as it was with my humiliating performance the night before. He was infuriated, and I could hear it in how his voice was louder, and his movements sharper. He held back on being gentle, and now it seeped into him again. Although for what reason, I couldn’t tell. 

But all I could picture was Stacy’s face. 

Cheat on me, fine. But to cheat on Stacy? We made her. Together.

A tingling sensation swept over my face and I held myself with tighter fingers, burrowing them into my skin. I didn’t want to weep over him anymore. I found myself disgusting to think about when I was there, showing him I was nothing but weak. 

“Y/N, eat.” His footsteps shifted closer and I jolted, my body acting before my mind. I stood up, backing into the corner of the bed, eyes glued to him. 

He was at the edge of the bed now, the closest to me he could get. 

His face was scrunched up in a turmoil, as if he couldn’t recognise the way I was behaving anymore. His eyes glossed over me like I was someone he didn’t know, and I found it laughable. 

It was the opposite. He was someone I didn’t know. 

“Get off the bed, now.” I shook my head with vigour, hands planted firmly on the wall as I stood there, inching as far back as possible just to avoid the mere air around him mixing with my own. 

I wasn’t in the mood to vomit. Not today. Not for now. 

But then again, I didn’t feel in the mood to run either. 

But as I watched him get on top of the bed and make his way over to me, I couldn’t help the way my body sprinted to get off and slip through the gap of the door. 

I had almost made it too, as if he was about to admit defeat. 

Then, he grabbed me. 

The fight was pointless. 

Hands wrapped around my waist again, and flashes of the night before came back to me. He wasn’t struggling, but I could tell that he didn’t know how to approach this situation. Here I was, attempting to pry his fingers open to let me go, and all he was doing was holding me. 

He filled up my mind. The scent of his skin. His clothes. All of it took over me, and my body reacted to it like a reflex. I was sobbing, melting in his arms by the second. 

And yet he still didn’t let go.

Fingers crossed over one another in an impenetrable lock, and I was losing my sense of fight. He was right. I didn’t eat. And now, when I needed the energy most, it was fucking me up. 

“Don’t… touch me! Remove your filthy fucking-“ The wind was knocked out of me as he rolled over, pinning me beneath him. He didn’t care about gentle anymore. Not when I was like this. 

He held both my wrists, and I didn’t even realise that tears were running down both sides of my face, not until his eyes oscillated between both sides, his features looking down at me like I was a prisoner who escaped a madhouse. 

I drank up the venom that was attempting to come out from my lips, and all of me felt petrified under the unrecognisable look on his face.

It contorted into that of a temper that I’d not seen on Satoru yet.

It was like every minute I spoke, I drew him to an edge that he didn’t have to cross before. Like I was testing all of the limits. And I just happened to stumble into the danger. 

“Listen.” His hands squeezed around both my wrists, positioned over my head and held to the spot with ease. I could struggle as much as I wanted, but there was no point. It was Satoru. Why resist against Satoru? 

“If you fight me one more fucking time Y/N… God help me I will tear this room down.” My body dropped into a panic with the vacancy of his concern toward me, and I felt my limbs shut down, not daring to provoke the man in front of me any further. 

“You’ve been nothing but a pain in the ass since morning. I’ve tried to be so fucking understanding with you, and you’ve been nothing but an intolerable… bitch.” My lip quivered, and my chest started to heave up and down in dismay. I had felt a part of me die as he let the word out, but he continued. I had gotten rid of his mercy. 

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you up in here…” He poked his index finger into my temple carelessly and I flinched, memories of my father fading back into my mind. 

Was he going to hit me? 

“But this isn’t how you behave. I’ve been nothing but caring towards you, but you’ve just been… you’re nothing right now but an immature fucking child.”

I was speechless.

He spoke to me like I wasn’t his wife.

All sort of sincerity left as he raised his voice higher at me. 

My heart was so fast I couldn’t think straight, the only noise being both him and the pumping inside of my chest that kept me alive, and yet felt like it was going to slowly kill me. 

“I’ve had enough of your bullshit. I’m sick of you right now. Sick of you. I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, but you’ve done nothing but embarrass me. I mean really. Not only did I catch you cheating on me at a club with the man I least wanted to see you with, but you decided to play victim after that. Where’s your fucking shame?” The last words came out with him gripping my chin, forcing me to face his eyes of hostility, causing me to flinch under him. 

Then, he let go of my wrists. He pulled back from me and took a step away, and I was still too frozen to even sit myself up. 

I just laid there, eyes unable to leave him and body shaking, all as he made his way to leave the room.

”Talk to me when you decide to be a fucking grown up. When you actually choose to be a mother again.” 

Then, the door slammed. 

I weeped. I winced. I whimpered. On repeat, over and over. Till the night ended. 

Till all that was left was me, scrunching myself up till I was a ball, holding myself tight. Till I couldn’t cry anymore, and all that was left to do was to allow the exhaustion to take me. 

Chapter Text

( song: ceilings - lizzy mc’alpine ) 

As I walked down the aisle, there was no parent beside me. Instead, there was only Nanami. I gripped his arm tight, and he offered me a reassuring pat on my hand. 

It wasn’t about the decision I was making. There was nothing to doubt. It was about how the wedding would be. I wanted it perfect. Not only for my sake but also for Satoru’s. I wanted him to find it perfect. 

The heels I wore on my foot were luckily comfortable, but that was expected. Satoru picked them out alongside me and watched me walk on them 10 times over, sending a list of notes he made to the creator and getting them redesigned for my feet. 

He appreciated the fact that I had pregnancy feet aches, and he was willing to do anything to prevent me from being in pain the same day that his ring would be adorned on my finger.

”I want you to walk down that aisle so comfortable and fluidly that if you wanted, you could cartwheel it as well.” I broke out in laughter hearing that, and as we sat eating ice cream together outside of the wedding clothing store, he smudged some against my nose. All I could do to retaliate was repeat the same to him, letting him sit there with the bubblegum flavoured cream dropping down on to his matching jeans. 

He didn’t care. He was too overjoyed that day to realise. He would’ve walked through those streets with a stain on his pants ten times over, so long as he held the knowledge in his mind that he would finally be marrying me. 

The building he picked was one of the finest I had stumbled in since we moved to Greece. It was rented out for the day, as of course he had enough money to be able to do so. It was a tourist attraction, and he managed to buy it off for the length of 3 hours. 

He even temporarily hired the staff there…

Satoru and I weren’t religious. At least not to the point where we needed a church. But we wanted one. It felt… more precious for the sake of our marriage. Our parents had gotten married in a similar manner, and so it felt like we were at least carrying on something they did in our wedding. Even if they themselves had rejected the invites and refused to show up.

Then, as I lifted my gaze from the marble floors beneath my feet that echoed as my glass heels made contact with them, I came face to face with a man looking at me with such yearning eyes, I could swear that right then and there if I hadn’t come closer into proximity, he would’ve cried.

Then, Nanami released me. 

I was stood, faced to face with the man I trusted to be my carer for the rest of my life. The man I’d take a bullet for, or all the abuse… in a heartbeat.

“Today, we are honoured with the chance to join this beautiful couple…” The priest’s words faded into the back of my mind, and instead symphonies played in my ear on repeat as my lip quivered, eyes glued to him.

He was wearing the suit I picked out. Even though he hated the idea of a light blue tie. He said it felt like he was trying too hard to match with those piercing eyes of his, and I replied saying that I felt like everyone should know he had such entrancing icy blues. He rolled his eyes and I spent the entire night chasing him with the tie, wrangling him just to put it on. 

He noticed my lips and his hands twitched, ready as ever to reach out and hold my face. The priest however, seemed to hold no regard for that. 

He flashed Satoru a threatening look and I felt like he was going to summon an angel itself to punish us, so I just swallowed and elegantly shook my head at his hand. 

To my relief, it dropped back down to his side and I let out a breath of relief. 

“Do you, Gojo Satoru, vow to protect her and hold her dear…” I was horrible at being a bride in a wedding, clearly. I wasn’t even listening to the vows that he was being asked to repeat, as all that ran through my mind was how far we had come. 

From holding hands under tables and feigning being overprotective over one another as a result of a ‘sibling’ relationship, to standing here today where we would boldly kiss at the end. Publicly. 

For a split moment, my eyes flickered to the cameraman stood at the far end of the cathedral, and he pulled his head out of the device to blink at me, and then continue to record. 

It was a personal video. But I knew how leaks worked, and I shuddered at the thought. 

“I do.” My head shot up, and there he was. My darling husband. He winked at me and I wondered how permissible it would’ve been for me to deliver a light slap across his face, of course only in a playing manner. 

But then, I flicked my gaze back to the priest. He would kill me. Or worse, he would exorcise me. 

“Do you…” Huh? I held the flowers in my hand, clutching them like they were a lifeline I was hanging on to, drawing my breath in due to anticipation.

”Promise to love, cherish and protect Satoru Gojo, and take him to be your lawfully wedded husband, who you will love through sickness, death, the better times and the worse?” 

I said I do so fast that I swore Satoru had to be the one who snickered, as I had no clue who else could at our wedding. I flashed him a warning look and he straightened himself up.

God, he wasn’t going to let me live it down. He was going to blab on the rest of the night about how eager I was to marry him that I nearly cut a priest off in the famous ‘Do you’ question. 

“Then, you may now… kiss the-“ My chest collided into him within seconds, and I stumbled on the ridiculously long length of my dress. His hands clasped under my ear and around my jaw, sending a heat blaze through the area as he slipped his tongue straight into my mouth. 

On second thought, I was glad our parents didn’t attend. 

I watched the priest’s face screw up, although I couldn’t tell if it was in disgust or shock. Then, he opened his mouth to speak. 

“Holy-“

Chapter Text

( song: ceilings - lizzy mc’alpine START FROM 2:03 ) 

Dreams don’t last forever. I woke up. 

And my wedding dress was just another piece of fabric that was stuffed away inside of our wardrobe, and something I hadn’t attended to in months. 

Those glass shoes were just tucked away in a box, and slipped into the side. And it was just me sat here in my underwear, drenched in nothing but my own misery. 

That version of Satoru right now didn’t exist. I got rid of him. I brought someone else to the front, and I knew that he wasn’t going to come check on me. 

The entire night, the house was dead all except for the noises of Anastasia shrieking out for me, and yet I couldn’t dare attend to her. Not while he was there. 

I was scared of him. I was scared of him, and I was forced into a reality I prayed as a little girl to never face. Now, I was the splitting image of my mother refusing to come find me, all while she stay sat in the bed with a tear slipping out of her eyes, devoid of any expression on her face but that of being tired. She was always tired. Mentally, and physically. And I could feel my body moulding into hers, like it was a repeated fate. 

Then, it struck 3AM. I found courage, draping myself into a night gown and robe, tying the knot at my stomach. 

I couldn’t let the thread wrap around me in a secure manner, as that would’ve applied too much pressure and brought up the bile that was sitting in my throat. So I was left to tie a feeble one, matching that of exactly how I felt on the inside. 

His words rang in my mind and seemed to etch their ways into the corners so I couldn’t even hide from them, confronted everywhere I went. 

“Bitch.” “Immature fucking child.” “I’m sick of you.” 

Each syllable seemed to plot my downfall, and I was spiralling in the deep waters of my own tragedy, stuck between a horrid regret and a sense of injustice. 

He had no right to speak to me like that, not while he had been fucking someone else for a year. And yet somehow, he managed to make me feel like I was the one who was in the wrong. Like my hands were stained red and I was the one tearing this household apart, limb by limb. Like I ruined it all. When really, he killed it a year ago. 

I turned the cool handle at the window, watching it open despite the rust resisting against me. I used both hands and it finally budged, a gap opening between me and the outside. 

Security or not, I couldn’t breathe here. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to. I couldn’t. 

I sniffled in deep, wiping away the wetness on my face with my sleeve, all before slipping out into the gap.

My feet touched the grass. It was almost never cold in Greece. But recently, the weather was betraying the country. And more personally, betraying me.

Cold splatters of rain met my face and I pressed my lips together, letting them drop into a frown that I couldn’t control. 

I took a scope of the area around me, and then my eyes found the back door.

Empty.

Empty, and free. 

Chapter Text

( song: spit in my face! - thxsomch )

Satoru’s POV:

Drink, after drink. Bottle, after bottle. They clattered into one another with a clinking sound, and yet all I could do was lay there against the floor, letting the burning sensation of the alcohol fill my body. 

I hated myself. 

But I also in this moment couldn’t help the way everything she did just made me want to shake her back to herself. 

I saw that expression on her face. I pulled away and there she was, staring up at me like I was Megumi. Like I was going to hurt her. Had I? 

I was so consumed by my own rage that I was holding her with no consciousness, and I couldn’t hear her whimpers under the wrath of my own voice. 

But I had to let it out somehow. 

Her nails were sharp. I had cuts on me that lined up my arms, and they would sting whenever I went to hold Anastasia. They were like a constant reminder of how much her mother hated me.

But then again, what the fuck happened? 

Why did she hate me? 

Why was she acting this way towards me? 

“Sir… Please.” I was only slightly disoriented. My capacity for alcohol had grown tremendously after being placed outside of Tokyo. It was a talent, and a flaw at the same time. Now, when all I wanted to do was to escape that terrified look on her face, it only invaded me more.

I found my nanny’s concerned expression as I glanced up, and I saw her hands reach out for the bottle in my hand. 

“Anastasia needs you.” My eyes flickered over to my child who was being rocked in that cradle by the tech attached to it, and I kissed my teeth at the irony. 

“Great. Now both her parents are fucked up.” Every time I spoke, the strong scent of alcohol came out of my mouth. I took another look at the bottles and they stared back at me. They were just another sign that I couldn’t hold my own ground. That I was losing sight. 

Y/N didn’t eat. She didn’t sleep. She didn’t talk. She didn’t do anything. It scared the living shit out of me. 

She acted like touching me was the definition of hell on Earth, repulsing every time I even came close. 

“Why is she doing that?” I breathed the words out loud enough that the Nanny opened her mouth, taking a breath in before stuttering her words out. 

“I- I… I apologise. Please sir, forgive me. I hadn’t told you earlier but…” My eyes shot up to her and I felt increasingly sober by the minute, my focus drifting from the green stained glass cylinder in my hand and instead to the hesitation in her words as she kept going. 

“She spoke something about… you being a liar… and… she vomited. She vomited a total of 4 times on the floor… she even… she walked back home from wherever she went out-“ My eyebrows were sewn together instantly and I paid closer attention to her words, sitting up from my beaten position on the floor. 

“Y/N went out?” She nodded her head profusely, hands fidgeting together as she proceeded to speak. 

“She… she went to some hotel.” 

“Hotel?” I stood up at full height now, placing the bottle down at the table and tilting my head. No, it couldn’t be. Did she? 

“Something like… Balcony hotel? Terrance hotel?” 

“Terrace.” The nod she gave me confirmed my suspicions, and sent me into a greater doom. Instantly, I was making my way over to the bedroom. 

I hadn’t entered all night, as I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t look at her and see her eyes widen not out of love or surprise, but out of sheer fear over me. I couldn’t. Not after I vowed endlessly to protect her with my life.

But now, I knew why. I had to explain to her. I had to reach out to her. 

But then again, why the fuck was she even at Terrace Hotel?

“Y/N?” I opened the door so quick I didn’t think about how it would clash into the other side of the wall. Hoping she didn’t flinch awake, I entered the room and glazed my eyes over for her sleeping figure, and then my heart began to speed up, sweat trickling up my back.

”Y/N?” I searched everywhere. The bathrooms. The laundry room. The kitchen. Every single nook and cranny in the house, as well as the components of the outside. To my loss, all that was left was her phone. It was inside of one of her coat pockets, and I realised that she probably left it there so I couldn’t track her down into the club. 

The screen illuminated before my eyes, and I felt heat burst through my body. My hands clenched at my sides, and I opened the chat, my eyes in pure disbelief.

Yuuta: 

3 images sent. 

Here are the photos if you want to confront him. 

Thank you for agreeing to meet with me at the Hotel to discuss it. 

I’m sorry it had to come to this Y/N. 

I know how much you must have loved him. 

I hated to be the one to say that he’s unfaithful to you.

But I’ll be here.

When you’re ready to come back to me, I’ll be here. 

The phone smashed into pieces as I threw it, breaking apart on our floors. I had no time to regret. I instead darted my attention over to the open window, and I saw faint footsteps trampled into the grass. 

“Y/N… where the hell did you go?” 

Chapter Text

Y/N’s POV: 

( song: i love you - billie eilish )

Anastasia had her father’s eyes. That was the feature of hers that I glossed over most. It comforted me. It made me feel like I was in his presence, no matter where I was. 

Now, without both of them around me, I felt aimless. All I had was myself, and this robe that was carelessly wrapped around me. 

It seemed to do little to keep the cold out, and all I was able to do was hold myself, though I squeezed rain out of the fabric every time I clung to my skin.

I was soaked to the point of constant sneezes, and yet it felt like I’d deserved it. 

God, what an incredible person I am, right? 

Stacy’s mom and she’s stood here walking down a pathway connected to a bridge, while her child cries for her at home. It all rotated around in my head, piercing my heart bit by bit like needles poking in. 

“Bitch!” accompanied by my child’s shrieks, in a cycle over and over again. 

Did I really make him that sick? 

My feet paused on the bridge as though I couldn’t move further along it, an invisible barrier of realisation preventing me from doing so.

God, was I really that insufferable? 

Was that why he decided to cheat on me? Because I was… that… unlikeable? 

I let my eyes wander around me, and there wasn’t a walking soul in sight. Cars would flicker by every now and then, but they’d be gone as quick as they came. And every time they left, I felt danger seeping in. 

But I wasn’t scared of other people. I gulped, my heart hammering out of my chest and my words lodged in my throat, causing a different type of hurt. I was scared, of myself. I was scared of myself being alone in particular, on this bridge. 

“Stacy?” I didn’t know who I was talking to. I didn’t know what I was saying. But I felt nothing but my demons, clouding my brain and leaving me in the dark. 

The ledge was drawing me closer. And I wasn’t moving back. 

I faced the railings, edging in. 

I just wanted to see the water below. That was all. 

I just wanted to experience the waves again.

I rubbed at my eyes, sniffling in and fixing my appearance as I faced the rocks and the swishing sea underneath me.

So why was I crying so loudly? Why was I wailing? I just wanted to see what was below.

My feet trudged on and it became harder with each step, but I found myself being irrational. It was just a bridge, and I was just going to see the waters below. 

That was all. 

That was it. 

Nothing else. 

I didn’t realise when I was on the railing. My feet were slipped in gaps, resting on the bottom bars. I was leaned over, and all I could see was waves, crashing under me. 

“I’m sick of you.” His words. They wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t get rid of them. They just haunted me, playing in my mind over and over. 

Was I really crazy? And a child? Did he always think I was such a horrible mother? 

I watched two opposing waves collide, creating a frothy white. 

He was right. I was overly emotional. 

I was acting stupid. 

My mind passed back to a time of peace.

Satoru and I on the beach. Stacy was with us too, and the nanny. They all sat on benches, whilst I decided to have a dip in the water. It hugged me, the froth soft as it traversed over my skin. Some of it even landed in my mouth, and I didn’t despise it. I just spat it out as Satoru laughed at me, choosing to cannonball into the water beside me, just to hold me in it. 

This water was similar. It was just a little tougher, is all.

”I’m sick of you.” 

My foot wavered over the end. I didn’t even realise what I was doing till I did it. I let my leg extend outwards, as far as it could go.

I must’ve looked stupid doing that, but I didn’t care much.

What else do you do when you hit rock bottom, than whatever you want? 

I didn’t even realise that a shard of glass somehow slipped into my foot. And then, my head darted back to the trail I used to make it to the bridge. 

Bloodied red. It was like I just continued to burden anything, and everything around me.

I was even leaving traces of myself in the ground. 

God, I was so sick of myself. 

As I let my head spin back around to the waters, I felt a dizzying force lean me forwards. Maybe, if I dived into the water, then I could get rid of this pounding in my head. My breathing narrowed and I kept my eyes on nothing but the water, sloshing over under me. My vision blurred in and out, and I felt my body numbing. 

“Y/N!” 

My head twisted back around, and headlights blinded me. 

I collapsed, and I fell. My world was black, and I was gone. 

Chapter Text

( song: i love you so - the walters )

Satoru’s POV: 

My hand cradled her head before it could hit the ground, but I was shaking. Her eyes wouldn’t open. I tried everything.

In the end, the only thing I could do was press her to my chest.

She was cold, and she was wet.

I grabbed the spare towel from inside of the car and wrapped it around her, although I couldn’t find the strength to get off of the floor.

”Fuck, Y/N… What were you doing up there baby?!”

I hadn’t even realised that my eyes were stinging, full of tears, not until I heard the crack in my voice as I finally found the words to say to her. I couldn’t even speak to her with my voice higher than that of a noise only she would be able to hear. 

I didn’t have the strength. Not with my wife unconscious inside of my arms.

Her eyes were shut, and her body felt limp.

Too limp. 

“Baby? Baby come on, talk to me…” My breathing shuddered out of me as I fought to stabilise myself, wanting nothing more than to slap out the panic that was begging to consume me. 

“Baby?” She was so limp. I was stuck to the floor with her, and I had to watch as rain landed on her skin.

“Stop…”

Why would the rain ever stop for me?

But I couldn’t let it hurt her… I didn’t want it to touch her… She was too fragile. 

I lifted her head up to my chest, and I tilted it till her face was pressed up into my skin. She needed warmth.

I could still hear her heartbeat, as faint as it was. 

“Baby… baby come on… wake up. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry… Just please-“ My breath hitched in my throat and with what strength I had, I lifted her up off the ground. She felt weightless. Like there were no organs inside of her. Like she was nothing but a hollow doll.

“Y/N, honey…” I made my way over to the car with rushed steps, slipping inside. I made sure to mind her head and the rest of her body, shutting the door firmly behind me.

The rain finally stopped landing on her.

”Can’t you see she’s fucking cold? Put the fucking heater on!”

The driver nodded in a hurried manner with fumbling fingers, and within seconds the car started to heat up.

I didn’t have to tell him where to go. 

I just watched him set the SatNav for the hospital. 

“Y/N, it’s okay baby… You’re going to be fine now…”

She didn’t respond. The areas around my face burned as I felt more and more tears slip out of me, landing on her. I wiped them away as they slipped down her skin, apologising with each one.

”I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean to… You know I didn’t right? Baby… please… please come back to me… Y/N, I didn’t mean to…” 

I felt repulsed. I felt disgusted by myself. 

Never in my life did I ever think I’d see her hunched over a bridge railing like that. She looked so overcome, so unwilling. She was ready to give up, and I saw it in her eyes.

”Y/N?…” No response. I tightened the towel around her, freeing one of my hands to undo the buttons on my shirt. 

I let the fabric slip off of me, landing on the car seat, all before letting the towel finally open. I was reluctant. I didn’t know if she deserved me touching her.

I didn’t deserve to touch her.

And yet, as she lay there in my arms without a single response, all I could think to do was press her against me. 

Her skin connected to mine and she was like an icicle. I could feel the dampness that absorbed into her skin, and all of a sudden she wasn’t my smooth, soft Y/N anymore.

She felt stiff, and uncared for. 

I hoped to God that she’d melt with every second that her skin was pressed up against mine. 

I hoped she’d move.

I wanted her eyes to at least flutter open and tell me she was there. 

I just needed to see her eyes again, that was all. 

“Y/N? Y/N baby you know I didn’t mean it, right? Come back now… Please…” The car went over a speed bump and although my hand was securing her head, it fell limply to the side, facing away from me. 

Fucking hell… I was going to kill myself if she didn’t wake up. 

I fixed her positioning again, keeping my hand pressed against her exposed cheek for the next speed bump. 

She was heating up more by the second. 

The car was getting hot enough to the point where I saw the driver sweat, but I couldn’t tell if that was just due to all the pressure I had him under right now.

But he was right. If Y/N didn’t wake up, then I’d fire him. And maybe then, I’d cause hell.

”Y/N, what were you doing on the bridge?” My voice cracked again and I took a deep breath in, but I knew the answers to my own questions.

She wasn’t turning insane. 

She wasn’t being irrational. 

She was just a loving, loyal wife who found out her husband was meeting up for another woman for an entire year.

She was just broken. 

“Baby, I need you to wake up, okay? When we get to the hospital… wake up… I need you to know the truth sweetheart…” She didn’t respond, and it took all my power to not start cursing at myself in the car and slamming my fist into something. 

She didn’t need me violent. She needed my warmth. 

“I’ve got you baby, you’re okay…” I didn’t know who I was convincing.

Her in her uncomprehending form? Or me? 

She was turning dry now, and her body was heating up. If it wasn’t for the presence of the driver, I would’ve stripped her out of her nightgown, but taking off her robe for now was enough. The least I could do as the pathetic failure of a husband that I was, was to protect her dignity.

”Y/N… I love you so, so much baby… I love you more than anything. So come back to me, okay?” I pressed the deepest kiss to her forehead that I’d ever done before, and yet somehow it ended with me letting out pained breaths of fear. 

“Y/N, you can’t go like this, okay?” I hooked my hand under her legs, and I felt the deepest sinking of my lungs when I realised her pretty arms weren’t going to instantly wrap around my neck anymore for support.

I instead had to hold her back in my hand, being careful as I lifted her out of the car, and ran straight into the hospital. 

She was on a stretcher before I even had to say anything. 

They took one look at her and placed her in, greeting me by my surname and calming me down. I made moves to follow her as they wheeled her somewhere, but one of the men stood to halt me.

”Mr Gojo, It’s advised that you stay here… We need full focus on the patient right now, and your present may make it-“ 

“She needs me.” I shoved my shoulder into his when I realised he wasn’t going to move out of my way, but then three more men came to detain me. 

I managed to curve around all three of them, but then they caught up. 

I would’ve made it to her too, and followed through, but they were holding on to my limbs with full strength.

I cursed myself for not being stronger and instead turned to grab one of them by their collars. 

“That’s my fucking wife… let me see her!” The last word came out of me as loud as a strike of lightning, and the entire hospital cracked their heads my way to watch the spectacle.

”God help me, I will sue this fucking place for all it has.” The men gulped, their hands extending out in a gesture to try and relax me again.

”Your wife is in safe hands, I reassure you… but you must understand-” 

“No… You understand.” I pointed a finger at all three of them, taking a step closer. I didn’t care that my voice was shaking. I didn’t care that I was shirtless, screaming in front of everyone. Fuck reputation, and fuck being calm. Fuck all my PR training. I couldn’t give less of a shit for that. 

“The woman I love is currently hanging on the line between life and death. And I put her there. Her child… Our child… is wailing inside of our house, because she misses Mommy. So you’re going to let me go see her, because I need to set this shit right. I need to save the woman I love.”

The men glanced at one another cautiously, and then one of them parted the way for me. 

I slipped my way through the second they gave me an opening, running my way through the hospital hallways. 

I could still tell what direction she went. It was the direction of where the noises of loud shouts and rushing nurses was headed to.

I followed alongside them, my vision blurring with tears so hard that I had to clear them almost every second. 

All I could think of was my wife. My darling, sweet Y/N. Fuck, what did I do? 

-

The doctors wouldn’t let me see her. They locked the room up, and I didn’t bother banging for them to let me in. I needed them fully focused in the end.

My only requirement was that I be at least outside of the door so that I could hear everything, and keep track of how she was doing. 

They let me lean beside it, and even offered me a spare white shirt to wear. 

I slipped it on. It smelt of medicine, and sterilisation. 

What could Y/N smell? Just the Earthy rain water that dried on her? 

My head pounded with guilt and I ran my fingers into my silver strands, hating myself as the time passed on. 

Nurses would slip out every 20 minutes or so, and I would harass them for the answers. Yet the only responses I would get were bleak shrugs and “She’ll be fine.” 

When? When would my baby be fine? 

Then, after a while of being put through the excruciating pain of waiting for her, the doctor came out.

His expression was that of deep sympathy and he grabbed my hand. I hadn’t even realised how cold I was till the heat of his palm spread to me.

He didn’t retract his grip back, choosing the discomfort of holding on to me. 

I’d gone to this hospital before. It was where Y/N gave birth. It was where my sweetheart became a mother. 

“She’ll be fine.” I gritted my teeth, feeling like everyone was playing a sick joke on me with the repetition of the one thing I needed actual confirmation over.

I needed to see her for myself.

”I’ve given her medicines, and I’ve hooked her up with needles-“ I shook my head, and he stopped explaining. 

“Do you not have something else? Y/N hates needles. She’s scared of them.” He shook his head back at me and I screwed my eyes shut.

I felt helpless, and worthless.

My wife was being put through her worst fears, and all I could do was let droplets leave my eyes, wiping my face at the side of her room. 

Then, I felt someone gripping my shoulder tight. I opened my eyes up again and the Doctor seemed distilled by my state. 

“She’s connected to bags that contain a mixture of carbohydrates, lipids and proteins. She was… she was starving.” My eyes fell to the floor and I couldn’t bare to meet with the doctor’s worried face.

”It’s my fault.” His lips shut and he tilted his head at me, continuing to massage into my shoulder, coaxing out a greater explanation. 

”She didn’t eat. I went to go give her food, and then we had a fight. She must have lost her appetite…” 

My lip quivered with each word, as though I sentenced Y/N to the consequences before me now. 

Why did I have to say all of that to her? And why didn’t I go to apologise? 

I was a coward, and now she was suffering because of it.

My angel was in the hospital, all because I kept stupid fucking secrets. 

“And uh… any idea why she contracted such a nasty sickness?”

I gulped, my eyes landing on her body in a hospital gown, laid down delicately on the bed as I watched her through the windows of the hospital doors. 

“You should arrest me now doctor. I almost drove her to the point of suicide.” There was a silence between us, and then he beckoned me closer. 

I took small steps, all till my head landed on his shoulder. He pat my back in a rhythm, and I let my breathing turn irregular.

I broke down into him. 

“You’re like a son to me, Satoru.”

I shook my head with the refusal of that title, pulling back and wiping my face.

”I nearly killed my own wife.”

He silenced me with the raising of his hand, showing me his palm. 

“I still remember when you first entered this hospital.”

I gulped, glancing at him. “

You took her here in a wheelchair. You stayed with her the entirety of her birth. You watched the baby come out, and you pushed her on like no one else… You encouraged her, more than any man I’d seen face a birth before. And you dare question how much you love her?” 

“I said I was sick of her… I said she was a bitch… I… I deserve to die… It should’ve been me on that bridge, not her…” He shook his head with passion this time, reaching for my hands again. 

He took my full attention, eyes almost looking through to my soul. 

“Prove to her when she wakes up… prove to her that you love her. Rectify it, Satoru, and bring your wife back home in your arms.”

His words were glued to the inside of my head, and I repeated them. 

Right, I had to show her how much I love her.

I had to be there when she woke up, so I could tell her it was all said in nothing but anger. So I could tell her all over again just how much I needed her. More than anything on this Earth. 

-

The doctor left and I passed the threshold into the room. The door swung back and forth a little, light slipping in and out as it illuminated her further. The lamp beside the bed was on, and I felt relieved as I saw how the colour started to dip back into her face.

She was looking more alive. 

I hesitated. I didn’t want to cry in front of her body like this.

I should’ve been overjoyed that she was going to wake up. 

And yet, all I could think about was the last words I said to her.

Not much in my life had ever gotten to me.

My father used to say that I was a man who painted myself out to have no weaknesses. That in a card game, I showed that I had only a 100% success rate, and nothing less. 

But as her face came into full view, and I could see all her features up close, my knees buckled to the floor. 

Her long lashes coated over her lids, caressing her closed eyes. I could see the thin wrinkles that were imbedded in her lip, likely due to the lack of moisture in them. Then, I saw how sunken her cheeks really looked. 

My baby still hadn’t ate. These tubes… these tubes couldn’t replicate her favourite foods. My baby needed lasagna, and… and bubblegum ice cream… and… fuck. 

My eyes darted down to where the tube ended, and I was met with her hand spread out by her side. The thin metal was jammed in to the side of her lower arm, and I watched as the liquids were taken up by her body. 

She deserved real food. She should’ve been taking all of her proteins in by knife and fork. Not by a fucking needle. 

I gathered strength, lifting myself up off the floor and then rushing to slip in the bed at her side. 

“Y/N?” No response. The word had slipped out of my mouth in a faint whisper, and yet part of me wanted her to keep sleeping. If the longer she slept meant the healthier she’d be, then let her sleep.

I fixed her pillow behind her head, pulling the blanket over the both of us. 

Kissing her forehead, I only pulled away to look down at her. 

All I could do was look at her.

”My baby…” My hands found her face and I traced each of her features, my jaw shaking. 

“Y/N? Don’t go… I’m no one without you. I don’t mean anything, without you… I need you, and I need your heart beating to keep me alive too.” 

“I love you baby… I love you so, so much baby…” 

With that, I rested her head on my chest.

Her body faced towards me, and I found myself closing my eyes and clearing my face of my tears before holding her hand, intertwining it securely in my own. 

“We got this baby… You can do it.” 

Chapter Text

guys lemme know how you feel!!!

also, do you want me to continue? i’m gonna put this on hiatus if no one replies… because i don’t know if im writing as well as i used to.

love you guys though <3 

Chapter Text

( song: i love you - fontaines D.C )

The room was still pitch black by the time that I opened my eyes. I cleared the sleep from my eyes, facing the ceiling. 

The windows were completely blocked out from light, and for once I was grateful. At least she would be uninterrupted. 

Her body was able to release heat now and as I lay there beside her, arms wrapped around her, I recognised the feeling of holding my wife as she slept. 

I watched. 

Her breathing was faint, but at least I could see her chest heaving up and down with every inhale. 

Her eyes were shut still, but the rest of her body just appeared to be in a deep slumber. 

At least, I could feel her organs working. I could hear noises coming out of her stomach, and her pulse came up every time to tap me, all as I held her wrist in my hand. 

It was this same wrist that I was stupid enough to hold so irresponsibly, and now I felt like I always put too much pressure into touching her.

Like I was going to break her. 

The night ended up becoming tediously long and eventually the shirt they gave me was back off, my shoes kicked off and I made myself comfortable. I preferred skin to skin with her. It made me feel like I was giving some of my own soul to her, so that she could find the greater strength to eventually wake. 

I would breathe my life into her in a second, if that’s what it took. 

I wouldn’t be able to sleep without her either. I would’ve had insomnia with no doubt.

I had to have her beating heart against me to even close my eyes, and so I was grateful that the doctor let me in. 

I wondered if she was thinking up in her brain whilst pressed in my arms.

If she dreamt.

And if she did dream, did she dream up a world where I was hating her? A world that mimicked the falsest of realities? 

I held her cheek, letting her face me.

It felt haunting to not have her lips respond to me, and instead be met with complete stillness as our mouths pressed. 

By now her mouth would’ve opened with parting lips, and she would’ve wanted for me to slip my tongue inside. To show her how much I loved her. 

But… she was perfectly still. And all I could do was peck her lips and hope for the best. 

“Y/N?” Calling out her name into an empty room was useless, especially when her mind wasn’t present. But then again, I couldn’t help but to try. 

I cradled her body deeper into my lap, making her rest her head on my chest and placing her hands on my abdomen. I was careful with the needle, and I made sure that arm was laid in the flattest way I could.

”Y/N, does the needle hurt you?” I was mumbling, massaging her fingers. 

She had such small fingers, and yet the mere touch of her hand on to my body felt like an elixir that couldn’t be recreated anywhere else.

It was something special that no one else had.

Ring. Ring.

My eyes dropped down to the phone beside us on the table and I picked it up, bringing it to my ear as I saw the name flash before me. 

“Hello?” 

Nanami spoke on the line.

”Satoru, where are you? The company hasn’t heard from you for a day now and… I am worried.” Nanami was never worried. I took that as a small compliment.

”Y/N is in the hospital. I can’t go back right now.” He paused, receiving my news, and then he let out a noise of agreement.

”You stay with her. I’ll handle things here. If anything, it’s been quiet days anyways. I just wanted to know for the sake of my own peace.”

The phone hang up shortly after we gave our goodbyes and I tossed it to the side of me again. 

There was no telling when Y/N was going to wake up. Doctors said it would likely be by the end of today or the next day, but in reality those were all chances. And I was scared shitless by the smaller percentages. 

“Y/N… Stacy misses you…” My voice cracked and my eyes fell on to her devoid of anything look.

If she had heard that while conscious, she would’ve run right over to her child.

No matter where she was. That was the type of woman my girl was.

And now, because of me, she didn’t even know if Stacy was eating or sleeping. She couldn’t either, because she was unconscious in a hospital bed. 

I picked the phone up again, fixing my dampened cheeks, all before ringing the nanny. 

“Can you maybe bring Stacy here and stay with her here?” 

-

After this, the nanny would get a pay rise equal to that of the men who work right below me. She was doing nothing but working her ass off to protect our family, and to ensure that we could be given the time we needed to resolve things. 

“Thank you. I appreciate it.”

I was sat behind Y/N. Both my legs were on either side of her. and she was leaning back on me.

Elevated, I placed Stacy into her lap. I didn’t get her to hold her. as that would’ve likely disrupted the needle that was shoved in her.

Instead, I held Stacy myself, just bringing her as close to Y/N as possible. 

She was crying the whole way through the ward. The nanny’s feet were scurrying to bring her in, and as soon as she saw her mother, she fell silent. 

She went back to little coo’s and reaching out for strands of her hair, although her mother couldn’t offer any response. 

But Y/N would’ve beat me up if I didn’t place Stacy next to her, and so I knew I had to at least give her the comfort of seeing her mommy’s face. 

“Is that Mommy?” I feigned surprise, mustering up a smile for the sake of my little girl, all while bringing her up closer to her beautiful mother’s face. 

“Is that your Mommy?” She released little sounds of laughter, her limbs spreading out in joy.

”Mommy and Daddy?” Again, she repeated the movements, her giggles becoming the only sound in my ear right now other than Y/N’s beating heart that could soothe me.

”That’s right… look at Mommy… You miss Mommy, don’t you?” She continued to giggle, her eyes fixated on her mother’s features. I knew she wanted to see her open eyes. So did I. 

Who wouldn’t? 

“Mommy’s here now… It’s fine… Mommy’s here.” My voice came down to a silence as I let my eyes fall off of Stacy and instead land on her mother. 

My little angel. She had to deal with so much of my bullshit, and she couldn’t even speak to me. 

She was hurting so badly on the inside, and all because of a misunderstanding that I fuelled for a year. 

Was her throat begging for her to stop? When all she could do was throw up on our hallway floor? 

Was her knee caps under pain for all the moments she pulled them closer to her face, hugging herself when she felt no one else could?

She had Emetophobia. The entire pregnancy was her clutching my hand with her nails digging into them, letting out little whimpers as I held her hair back, allowing her to release everything into the sink. 

I was so rough with her when I found her after that club. 

She was probably scared to death in that moment, wanting me to hold her even if the other half of her brain kept denying it. I should’ve held her. 

I should’ve let her know that I was right behind her, and that she didn’t have to be scared. 

My eyes dropped to her temple, and I couldn’t dare to touch it now. I could only stare, my mind flashing back to when I poked her there, mocking her. 

“Baby?” My eyes stung up again. Luckily, Stacy was already dead asleep. The nanny moved her into the crib and then left the room, so now I could weep. Now it was fine. 

“Baby… you’re not immature… you’re not a bitch… I’m not sick of you… I think you’re the strongest, smartest girl I’ve met…” 

I broke, pressing my head into her chest. 

She smelt like herself after they cleaned the rain off of her. She smelt like the scent of her skin, that I ran to when I could.

And it was only here I heard myself wailing. I was a wreck, all without her. 

And I couldn’t even fix things, not until those eyes would flutter open again. 

And there was no telling when they would. 

“Y/N, I love you…” I said the words with a large emphasis, my arms finding her waist and wrapping tight around it. all as I pressed long kisses to her torso. 

Eventually, my mind cleared. And I saw only one reason why she was in this bed. One reason why we had gone through the biggest fight we ever had. And it was clear to me.

Yuuta. 

Chapter Text

Y/N’s POV:

”Satoru?” I woke up, jolting. I was sat on the beach chair with Stacy in my hands, the waves crashing beside me. “Satoru?” Finally, his head came out of the water. He had a grinning pearly white smile, and he was drenched entirely. 

“I didn’t pack you extra shorts!” He shook his head at me as he rose up out of the water and came closer, the moving strands of hair landing in sprits on both Stacy and me. 

I shaded her face, defending her from the water attack. 

“Stop!” Finally, he did. 

The beach chair sank a little as he sat beside me, wrapping the towel tight around his waist. 

“It’s fine… I can go back like this.” 

I raised an eyebrow at him, rocking Stacy in my hand.

”You’ll go back… without wearing shorts. So you’ll be commando under a towel?” He nodded his head at me as if it was perfectly plausible and I stayed staring at him with dead eyes. 

“You have to be serious.”

”For the record… I am…” Even he sounded like he couldn’t convince himself. 

In the end I could tell his only goal was to irritate me to the point of oblivion. Just for the final words to be how cute I look like when I’m angry.

I didn’t want to feed into that today anyways. We were on the beach, and I was getting the perfect tan. Stacy was covered in my hands, suckling every now and then on my skin. It was fine.

”You look so good lying down like that.” Perv.

I placed my legs on top of his lap, smiling to myself. 

He brought my feet up to his face, leaving kisses in his wake. 

I was about to wrench my ankle out of his grip until I realised the Nanny was having fun in the water herself, attached to a floatie and too consumed by the experience to even process what he was doing.

He continued, peppering my ankle with them and making his way down. 

“Such pretty legs… Can’t believe I married them.” 

“Married her, you mean?” I landed a gentle kick to his left ab, watching as he recoiled back in feigned weakness. 

“Oh, my fair maiden is attacking me…”

I rolled my eyes, Stacy letting out her little baby words as she stared at me.

”My fair maiden is attacking me and our child is watching!” He raised his voice and I wanted nothing more than to get up and clasp a hand over his mouth, keeping it like that for the rest of the time we were there. 

“Hey! Stop…” He paid no attention to my words and instead latched on to my smile, as he kept on going. 

“She attacked me!” The Nanny came out of the water and I placed Stacy gently into her pushchair, landing a kiss on her forehead. I then pointed at it and she offered me a thumbs up of understanding, making her way over to Stacy with a great smile. 

Then, I was on him. 

I really did attack him. 

I got on top of him and everything, until he was forced to give me a piggy back ride. 

Then I was trying everything in my power for him to let go.

”Wait… wait… Truce! Truce! Please!” He didn’t pay head to my wailing and instead thrust both of us into the water. 

We sank in for a second, and then both of us bobbed back up to the surface. I wanted to kill him, but at the same time I needed to wrap my arms around him. So instead, I collected the water into my mouth and sprayed it at him.

”No fair!” He exclaimed and for a second we just lay there, staring at one another. 

Then, he laid a gentle, slow kiss to my mouth. I reciprocated, and then we hugged in the water.

It was nice and hot, like a blanket wrapped around me to sleep in. 

His embrace was enough. 

“Baby?”

I didn’t lift my head up, feeling myself drift into a slumber. Instead I acknowledged him by humming out a ‘Hmm?’ as he securely held me inside of his arms.

“You need to wake up.” I lifted my head up from his chest, and before I knew it, he was gone. It all turned to black. 

-

“Check her vitals…” 

“She’s opening her eyes…”

”Where is Satoru?” 

“I don’t know…”

”Let’s get her a meal…”

”Her baby?” 

The words resonated in my mind and I mustered up enough strength to turn my head. Sure enough, I was staring right at Stacy. 

She was dead asleep beside me, peacefully. 

Who were all these people? Why was I even here? 

Chapter Text

( song: runrunrun - dutch melrose )

Satoru’s POV:

Locating him wasn’t difficult in the slightest. 

I took a cab from the hospital straight to Terrace, and before I knew it I was through the revolving doors. 

The staff knew me well by now. 

They were so used to seeing me on Thursdays that some of them even nodded their heads down at me in a subtle greeting, noting my paced steps and making ways for me to pass through. 

Typically, I’d be relaxed. 

Today was different. 

Today I had a thirst, for killing.

”You’re looking for Ms. Tanaki, right?” I shook my head. Her mere name spelled bad luck for me right now and my brain hurted to hear it, but I just continued on. 

I hated that the receptionist looked surprised. Did I really come to see her that often? 

“I’m looking for someone with the first name Yuuta.”

I forgot his last name. But then again, I didn’t think there was ever a time where I made the effort to learn it.

It wasn’t something I’d willingly stick into my head then, and it wouldn’t be the case now.

He was vermin. Just another one of Y/N’s grovelling rats, trying to get a poke at her. 

Just someone else to get rid of before he could fuck things up for me even more. 

”208.” 

I left my manners at the hospital with Y/N.

The blonde woman seemed baffled for me to turn right around and walk away from the desk, and yet I didn’t bother to correct myself. There was no time for pleases and thank you’s. 

I had someone to kill. 

Not only did he have the audacity to interfere with my relationship, but he managed to put everything in jeopardy. What was it? Revenge? Jealousy? Obsession? 

Either route seemed to screw with my head as I fought to not slam my fist against the elevator wall.

I had to get to him first before anyone discovered the gun I had hidden. 

I carried it out with me when I left the house to find Y/N, as I had an unsettling feeling that she ran to him. And if she did, then he would die. 

But finding her on that bridge was a blessing for him. The fucker lived to see another day. 

“The calamari here is incredible!” Fleeting conversations, and I couldn’t seem to cling to a single one.

I swiftly passed through the blockades of people, and came to realise just how high of a chance I would’ve had of being discovered by someone else.

I had been too fucking relaxed.

Floor 2 was inconveniently busy. 

Then, my vision cleared enough as I fought the blinded rage, focusing instead on finding him. And there the number was. 208.

I hated him. I hated seeing his shitty hands around her. I hated watching them hug and him buying her flowers. I left 2 years and he thought he could win her heart and spread her legs. Just that fucking easily. 

Those should’ve been my flowers.

He was never part of the story, and it was like he was coming back to rip out my end of it.

So now I would make him part of it. Permanently stuck in nothing but the stories. I was going to force him out of reality, that’s how bloodthirsty I was. 

The door slammed open. My eyes landed on him, his body jolting up from the bed as his hands came to either side of him. 

“You greedy fuck.”

My voice was low and he made faces at me like I was being psychotic, backing up into the bed. 

Pussy. 

“Satoru, what the fuck are you doing?” His voice grated my ears. I felt my control of my trigger finger slip with every second as I lessened on trying to fight the urge to hold back. 

Then, he rambled on. 

Clearly, he was scared for his life. 

Young too. He was about Y/N’s age. But he pissed me the fuck off.

“You really thought you could just show those flimsy fucking photos and she’d hop right to you, didn’t you?” I shook the gun in his face, and he flinched with every movement. 

He shielded his face with his hands and I held back a laugh, surprised at how cowardly he really was for someone that tried to take my woman.

”You’re the one that cheated on her. That was your fault!” 

Now, I was laughing. The anger I felt simmering inside of me had now boiled out in the form of insanity, and he had taken me over the edge.

I lifted the gun up again and came close enough to grab him by his collar. 

He made attempts to pry my hands off of him but he was too weak. Of course he was. That’s why he needed a discrete hotel visit and couldn’t confront me to my face like a real man.

“Cheated? Did you just say I cheated?” I dared him to repeat the words back to me, shaking him now. 

His clothes threatened to pull apart, the buttons eager to snap off. But I didn’t want to see any more of him than I had to. 

I used the palm of my hand to push him with force, watching him fall back on to the bed like a dummy.

His hands came to either side of him, allowing him some form of balance as he lay there in front of me, chest heaving up and down in pure fear.

”What were you doing with a prostitute then? Huh? What could you do but fuck-“

I had enough. 

I reached down for him and tossed the gun to the side, letting it hit the floor. My hands were on him in seconds, punching away. I was awaiting for some of the rage to fade away but it didn’t, and soon enough I realised that if I didn’t stop I would’ve killed him.

So I yanked myself back. 

He was crimson, painted by myself. Hands covering over him and shaking, tooth knocked out. Pretty boy wasn’t so pretty after all.

”You speak a lot for a dead body.” I spat at him, making my way over to the gun again with haste. 

Then, he opened his mouth.

”It’s true and you know it. Kill me if you want, but Y/N deserves someone who isn’t spreading a prostitutes legs apart every fucking Thursday-“ 

Bang. The gun fired and I let my arm recover from the recoil, shaking my wrist. 

He curled himself up, his entire body now contracting. 

He glanced to the side of him and his eyes widened at the hole I put through the wall. It was a warning, and I expected for him to watch his mouth now that I gave it.

”You just had to get involved, didn’t you? How long have you been watching me, Yuuta?” He quivered, all bravery to talk leaving his body when I most wanted him to pipe up.

”Answer me.” I raised the gun again, this time aiming right for the centre of his forehead. 

“A- A y- Year…” It was pathetic to watch him stutter. He was shit at that too.

”And yet somehow you’re an imbecile. I mean God, did you pass anything? You can’t even successfully stalk someone.” I ran my hand through my hairs.

I was getting more winded up by the second, just thinking about how much it must’ve hardened his dick to know that he could’ve caught me out on a bad act for once. That he could’ve took Y/N back. 

“I mean genuinely, did you try to find jack shit out about the woman in the photos?” I stepped in closer and watched as he shuffled backwards on the bed. 

Blood was dripping on his freshly washed sheets, and yet I was rid of all sympathy I could have. 

To me he wasn’t just the pathetic little kid that was pining for the girl that belonged to me anymore. He became a danger to my own family that I didn’t anticipate, and that’s what fucked my mind up the most. That he just swept in out of nowhere and tried to play the truthful, kind cunt. 

“You didn’t?” He shook his head profusely, watching the weapon in my hand as though it would decide his fate. Oh yeah. It would. 

“Well… Mr Desperate Virgin. That was a fucking detective. I’d been meeting with a detective… to discuss several different assassination attempts that were made on me. And these little photos you have of her in costumes?” 

I couldn’t contain how I felt anymore. I went straight to him and got on to the bed, adamant on choking him, but I settled with grabbing him by his collar. 

“You piece of useless shit! She must have been on some sort of undercover mission or some bullshit! Why the fuck else do you think she wasn’t wearing those around me for a year?” I had enough, and I was going to blow a fuse.

I dug into my pocket, yanking out my phone. Part of me wanted to throw it at his face, but the other needed to prove a point to show to him what a loyal, successful man looked like. Because clearly he was lacking one of them. 

“Look.” I pulled open Tanaki’s contact, and he blinked. His eyes were forming a bruise around them, and I was sure by the next day he would have two black eyes. 

I would be irritated if it was only one. 

“Read it out loud.” He opened his mouth, doing as I said with a cracking voice.

”D-d-detective… T-Tanaki…”

”Yeah? Is that what it says?” 

“Y-yeah…” 

“Well I’m glad you’ve finally decided to see the fucking truth.” I got off of him, and I watched him take a breath of relief. 

“You nearly fucked up my relationship, you know that right?” He started pleading, but it was useless. 

And this was the same dude that wanted to become Stacy’s stepfather. As if he could have the backbone to protect my baby in the future. 

“I mean seriously. You made her not eat for a whole fucking day. You made her scratch and claw at me, and ignore me.” I pointed the gun at him again.

It eased me to watch him beg. It satisfied the part of my brain that was scratching at me to make him suffer 10 times worse than Y/N did. 

“What happened to her knight in shining fucking armour? Why are you quaking now?” His shirt was wrinkled at both sides, blood dripping down in a way that made him look entirely depleted, and I was mocking him in my head until people started murmuring outside of the rooms. 

But I didn’t care if they started banging. I locked it anyways, and I’d get away with murder. I had the power to. 

“I mean genuinely. What would you have done if she left me?” He shook his head, as if to tell me that he would’ve done nothing. 

But I hated liars.

”Eat in my house? Sleep in my house? Take my money? Fuck my pussy? Hold my baby?” I ran through all of the possibilities, and I was losing all rational thought over what to do with him. 

“You can’t fucking blame me. I just saw a cheater. I wanted to protect her!” 

“Protect, right? How would you do that? Cuddle her in bed? Hold her and then grope her?” I knew better than to speak about her in such a way, but my mind was warped too far with disbelief over his confidence that I couldn’t go back. 

“All those years around her.” I circled back to him, and again he was moving away with that wary stare. 

“All those years and yet somehow it never clicked to you that you couldn’t even make her wet.” I let the gun drop down to my side, still clutched in my hand as I continued. 

“I mean fucking hell Yuuta… Even if you put a mask on I doubt she’d want to fuck you.” 

I hated the idea of it. The idea of him getting so close to her, so able to touch her in a way no one else had so far. 

I hated that if I didn’t find her… I wouldn’t be able to touch her. To hold her. To feel her. To love her. To breathe her, in and out. 

“And then what? Would you have become Stacy’s Daddy, Yuuta?” He was shaking his head yet again, determined to make me see that those weren’t his intentions. But he was only lying to himself.

“How would you have looked in her eyes knowing they’re mine? Would it have stung a little?” 

The noises outside were getting louder. I should’ve stopped shouting but I couldn’t. It was likely that the maids outside were hearing everything. 

“You made her disgusted to look at me. You made her sit for hours facing away from me. I slept next to her every fucking time, and I couldn’t even touch her because of you that night. I was going crazy, all because you couldn’t control your fucking dick and the way you felt about her.” 

He was verbal now, letting out so many ‘no’s’ to my every statement, but what use was it? I was the one who had to experience it, even if he didn’t intend it. 

“Do you know what it feels like to have the woman you love more than any fucking thing on Earth want to claw herself out of your arms, when your only source of comfort is her?” My voice cracked and I lifted my head up, taking a second to calm myself. 

I let a breath come in deep, my throat constricted as ever. 

When I was fine, I carried on. 

“That’s the mother of my child. The bearer of my ring. That’s Y/N. And your stupid fucking meet up nearly cost her, her fucking life!” I raised my voice the highest at this point, and sure enough there was heavy knocking now sounding on the other side of the door.

”You piece of shit. It was a detective… I just wanted to silently protect me and Y/N, and you just had to fucking ruin that.” 

He began apologising now. He was a bloodied, curled up mess. 

“I just… I just didn’t want her to worry. To think someone was actively trying to kill me… I just wanted my sweetheart to think we were safe, and you had to fuck it all up. I mean really, you put her through danger and me through the most horrific nightmare of my life.” 

“Fuck you, Yuuta.” Bang. 

Chapter Text

( song: about you - the 1975 ) 

Y/N’s POV:

After the heaps of nurses that came in a swarm seemed to leave in the same manner, the doctor was finally able to explain to me in full what had happened. 

My mind was a knotted yarn from the moment on the bridge, and I sat up in the bed imagining the sequences of events that came after, trying to comfort the loose ends of my memory. 

“N-needles?” Sure enough, I hesitantly let my eyes falter to my right arm, and I swallowed instantly, my heart beat speeding up detected on the monitor as I tried not to think about the medical snake latched on to my arm. 

I hated needles. 

“It was crucial for the time of when you were asleep but… we can take it out soon. I’m only reluctant to as of now because your body needs the support most. It’s actually awake.”

With those words, I faced Stacy again. 

She was awake now. 

I scrambled before I knew it, shuffling myself over to get as close to her as possible. 

The doctor held his arms out in case of me falling but there was no point. Even if I did fall, I was going to make it to Stacy. 

I ended up pulling the cot that carried her closer, and slipping my finger into her little hands. 

She was so warm. She was warm and quiet. 

My mind blanked back to that day in the house and I shuddered, the events returned to me. 

Just to hear her cry like that and for Satoru to drive himself insane just trying to console her… it stirred up a great guilt in me that I couldn’t shake off. 

And so I ran. 

I was a coward who didn’t want to deal with her own problems. 

“I love you.” It slipped out of my tongue with ease to her, whispered delicately against her head. 

The doctor then pulled her out of her cot, allowing me to hold her in her little flower filled clothing. 

She was undoubtably only silent and sleeping so much because reality must have been harsh on her.

To have to have only one parent at a time, and to not have your own Mommy call your name for days. It must’ve been sickening for her.

I hadn’t realised that I was sobbing till a drop landed on to her forehead, and I wiped it away, tutting at myself as if I was careless. But really, I was just a concerned mother. 

“I’m sorry, Stacy…” Sorry for what? There were too many options to consider in that regard. All I could do was repeat the phrase to myself over and over, till it felt like I’d ticked them all. 

I was rocking her back and forth, avoiding crying at her face for the sake of not breaking her sleep, instead choosing to continue to apologise aimlessly. 

Then, the doctor intervened. 

“He loves you.” I stopped with the rocking. 

My eyes dared to drift away from Stacy and landed on this man, and I nodded my head. I didn’t know if he loved me anymore, but I was alive. He saved me. 

“He… he waited outside of this very room for hours you know? Didn’t even sit down. He was just stood watching, the entire time.” I pictured it in my head, and my heart panged for him in an uncontrollable way. 

“He didn’t eat?” The doctor let a laugh slip from him, letting the folder in his hand snap shut as he dished it on to a nearby table. 

“That man would not eat without you. The only time he did was when he was right beside you, and you were in his arms.”

I couldn’t tell if the feeling inside of my stomach was hunger or butterflies, but whatever it was, was inconvenient. I just wanted to keep hearing in peace.

”He… he was beside me?” So he didn’t hate me? 

“He didn’t leave you for a single second. He didn’t let people change your gown. He did it. He put Anastasia into your arms and let you see her, even if you weren’t awake. He held your other hand while you got new needles placed into you. He was there through everything. So much so that yes, he forgot to eat if you weren’t there.” 

I hadn’t realise he’d still cared so much. What with his speech inside of the house, I was sure that I was nothing but a tremendous burden on him. 

And when I saw him at the bridge, all my mind was repeating was the words ‘No.’ as I came closer. I didn’t want to accept his help. 

“I don’t really deserve his love.” I held Stacy dear to my heart, close enough for her breathing to wash over the skin of my collarbone. 

“That’s wrong.” He took a seat down next to the table now, his hands crossed over in his lap as he leaned forward. 

He reminded me of the wise person in movies, and hence I paid attention. I let his words reach me.

”If you didn’t deserve it, Satoru would let you know. And I don’t mean that by whatever words he said. And I promise you, he regrets those. I mean it by the fact that he was willing to let his face get thrown around on the news as a ‘disrespectful patient’ just to make sure someone reached you in time. He was shouting at the top of his lungs, so much so that I could find exactly where the both of you were.” 

That sounded like my Satoru. If someone had asked me prior how I thought it would turn out, that would be exactly the response I give. 

It was my Satoru, in entirety. Not the Satoru that I came across in the house.

”Where is he?” The doctors shoulders shrugged and I sat back, eyes mindlessly fixating on to a spot on the floor as I thought. Where would he go? 

“You know what his favourite show was?” The doctor checked his watch and got up off rhe chair, making his ways towards the hospital room door. 

“What?” 

Stacy woke up, and she began to speak out the syllables she loved so much. She was doused out. Her little fiery spirit was waiting, and I knew for what. I always knew.

”You. His favourite show was you. For 2 days, he watched you. His fingers have traced your features and kissed them more than you know, Y/N.” With that I was left to the door closing with some recoil, a couple shakes sounding before it became stationary. 

Satoru? Where are you?

-

Waiting had become the least productive thing I could do before he showed up. 

I settled for trying to eat. 

It would be difficult, especially after seemingly 3-ish whole days of avoiding it, but now with the thought of how much both him and Stacy struggled for me, I forced an appetite. 

The doctor kept me on the bags, but he allowed me to step out of the room with him. The only condition was that I kept the pole with the bags attached to me, dragging it around everywhere I went.

I wouldn’t go far anyways.

Just leaving the room, my mind was plagued with returning back to Stacy. 

I had spent too long without her and I didn’t want her to think for even a second that I was abandoning her. 

Galaxies, Mars, Kitkat…

There was a large assortment of snacks, and it was quite the capacity that I was left stunned with the idea of only having one final choice.

I had borrowed enough money from the doctor for anything in the machine, but I was wary. 

I could only pick one of these, and it had to be something I could consume without wanting to gag at any point. 

I was tired of the built up feeling of needing to vomit inside of me.

To tell the truth, it was more than inconvenience. Vomiting was a nightmare for me, a feeling that only seemed to ruin my throat and leave me terrified in it’s wake, stirred on every day at the time of my pregnancy. 

“Kitkat.” I settled on it, nodding my head in agreement of myself and then slipping the coins in. 

The red bars slid out of their slot and I heard them dip and dunk all the way to the bottom. Great… the bottom. 

I hadn’t bent over or kneeled down in days.

I just stared at my Kitkat through the see through plastic. 

It was staring back at me, wondering why I was being such a coward and not just yanking it out. 

I was the type of mother to run on no sleep for 3 days and I could bend flawlessly, picking up all of my husband’s thrown around clothes like they were nothing.

Now here I was and it seemed a Kitkat had stumped me.

Seconds passed and I had a feeling that the people behind me in the now forming line were getting sick of me, and so I pushed myself on. 

Hand secured on my knee, and another holding tight on to the pole, I got ready to bend.

But before I could even make it, I was met with an angel. 

I stood straight, and my world spun. I shook my head back to reality, waiting until it was not killing me just to be able to thank my Kitkat rescuer. 

“Thank you… so much… Sir.” I allowed my eyes to crank open and let the slits of light in, adjusting until I felt my breath hitch.

”Sato-“ 

He pulled me to him. His hand was reeling me in before I could do anything, and he positioned my head into his shoulder, unwilling more than anything to let me go. 

He was abrupt, and swift. 

And the only look I saw on his face before I was in his arms mimicked that of a disbelief. Like he wasn’t sure I’d wake up. Like I was some sort of miracle. 

But then again, I wasn’t sure either. 

Then, I felt goosebumps traverse my body, leaving me shuddering.

He was sniffling.

I didn’t have to see with my own two eyes that there were droplets of tears coming out of him, and he was breathing harsh against me.

I didn’t need to see it. I could feel all of it.

My hands were stiff when he first pulled me in. Like I lost all sense of what to do with them.

But then, he began speaking.

”My Y/N woke up… Fuck… my baby’s awake…” His hand was cradling the back of my head, patting it down before his fingers wound up coiled inside of my hair, almost reaching my mind with how they massaged so deeply into my scalp. 

“Good girl… you did it sweetheart… You got up for me…”

His voice was shaking. I had never seen his voice shake in such a way before other than when I was in front of him with my legs yanked to either side of me, shrieking out in pain as I gave birth to our blessing.

And that was what did it. 

My Kitkat dropped to the ground between us as I forced my head into his chest, blocking out the world as I held him the tightest I could. He reciprocated, his limbs wrapping around me and crossing over as much of my body as possible, eager to embrace all of me. 

I was sobbing shamelessly into him. Wails came out of me and I couldn’t stop them from passing out of my mouth, as if they contained all of how I felt for the past couple days. 

I knew I was over emotional. I grew up being told that by both my parents. But it was their fault I was this fucked up. I bottled everything, and in the last minute it always ended up spilling.

His hand patted my back with the passion of letting my sobs fade, and his voice was gentle and loving towards me. 

“I missed you so… so much baby… I missed my baby more than anything… God, I missed you…” He repeated the words in quiet whispers to the both of us over and over again, till eventually he pulled back from me.

My face was in his hands as he forced me to look up at him, his eyes narrowing down to me as he surveyed my features as if to check all of them, the most watched ones being that of my open slits. 

I massaged his wrists as he held me in this silence, embracing them back. 

“I’m never… ever… ever… going to let you go again.” He meant it too. His jaw was shaking and he held it back, closing his mouth to give me a look that spoke of nothing but his pure determination towards me. 

“I love you…” I was the first to say it, but the way he responded fixed a tear in my heart.

“I love you, and only you Y/N L/N. I promise you with every fibre of my being.” 

-

I couldn’t tell you how we wound up on the hospital bed together, the blanket draped over the both of us as he leaned over me, watching me intently as I chewed on to a Kitkat. 

He would kiss or praise me for each swallow, my throat becoming like a live sports event to him. 

But we were there, and he held me the entire time throughout. 

His hands became a part of me, and any time he moved them to re-adjust the blanket or shuffle closer, it felt like I was empty. Like I was missing something dear to me.

Then, after I finished with the last bite, he grabbed the plastic waste from my hand and laid a long lasting kiss on to my cheek, praising me. 

“Good job…”

Everything I did, he praised me. 

And every second of it made me feel safest only with him, just like it had always been.

We spent a couple minutes just silently laying together. His hand was sweeping over my hair, pulling it out of my face and lining my fringe down to my ear. He then would hold the skin of my stomach in his hand, rubbing over it and kissing my temple. Then, the process would repeat. 

I was entranced into it, my eyes closing as I felt a deep desire to sleep, but I also didn’t want to if it meant being away from him. Even if it wasn’t physically.

I turned over with great efforts, a grunt slipping out of me. I was still a little sore, and malnourished for sure. But that Kitkat was starting do it’s due diligence and I could feel it. 

I was now facing him. 

His palm heated up my cheek and he held it for as long as he could, pressing a deeper, and yet softer kiss as he leaned down carefully, all the way to my lips. 

I felt glad the doctor let me wash my face and brush my teeth before he showed up. I would’ve felt gross otherwise…

”You must’ve been so scared.” 

I nodded my head. To be frank, I wasn’t sure what part of it he was talking about. Him. The bridge. Fainting like that… Waking up in a completely new place… It was shock after shock, and I wasn’t given the time to adjust. 

I closed my eyes, shifting my head closer to him. He was my sanctity again. My peace, and my sanctuary.

His touches were gentle, like I was a fragile flower. Like I could break if he was too harsh. 

“Y/N…” His voice came deep, and I kept my eyes closed but I nodded my head, acknowledging his call of my name and letting him go on. 

“You have to know something.” My mind stirred and could only land on one possibility. He was going to confess his cheating. 

I braced myself with the squeezing of my closed up first on my hospital nightgown, a subtle and yet purposeful gesture. It was to hold myself when he would release that pain back into me. 

After all we’d been through… I wasn’t sure if I’d forgive him. But I needed him as of now, and he felt so sincere. Maybe it wasn’t 1 year… maybe it was a couple encounters and Yuuta-

“I’m not a cheater, darling.” Slowly, as if to delay the incoming, I let my eyes creak open. His thumb traced my collarbone, eyes landing on to my lips and then back up as he watched me. 

“I have never, ever and will never cheat on you.”

Chapter Text

Throughout the entire explanation, he didn’t let his eyes waver from me once. 

He had his legs at either side of me, letting me shift myself into the space between them and lie against him, my head against his chest. 

He was warm. Just like always. 

I stared up at him as he went on, revealing the ribbon of truth to me, thread by thread. 

Oh, I was an idiot.

It made sense.