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Saturday 31st of May 1980

He stumbles and nearly messes up his landing. Sweat is trickling down his neck and he readjusts his brother’s limp unconscious body on his shoulder. Sirius looks around him. At least he managed to Apparate in a secluded street off the main square of Godric’s Hollow; after four jumps, it’s quite a feat.
He peers around the corner of a small Tudor house to see if the coast is clear, nobody seems to be out at this hour, the small village is silent. He takes out the muggle compass he charmed to point him in the right direction, the needle glowing and twitching frantically. After a couple of minutes he finds himself facing a small cottage surrounded by a wildflowers garden, he pushes open the creaky little gate and makes his way up to the front door pausing to remove the disillusionment charm on himself and Regulus.
He knocks, once. Then a second time, a bit more hurried. No response, he goes in for a third time but suddenly the door swings open and he lets go of a breath he hadn’t noticed he was holding. Remus is as beautiful as the last time he saw him. In the half second that this thought occurs to him, Remus has his wand pointed right in his face, his teeth bared.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”, he hisses. Sirius can’t believe it, it’s like he’s been plunged in ice cold water. He looks as if has a hex on the tip of his tongue, all of his muscles are taut, one wrong move from Sirius and he’ll curse him into oblivion.

“Wait, just,... Remus, please, let me explain.”, Sirius begs, lifting his hands in surrender⎯ or at least as best as he can with a body slinged onto his right shoulder.

“Why should I listen to anything you have to say ?” Remus looks at him, anger dripping from his voice.

Now that Sirius pays a bit more attention, Remus seems so tired. Sirius counts back the days, the full moon was two days ago, he should already be better by now. He looks pale and gaunt, like the moons have been taking a harsher toll on him than they used to. He supposes it might be because he’s older now but secretly he hopes it’s because he isn’t there for them anymore.

“We need your help. Could you let us in, please ?”, he says, readjusting Regulus one more time “He’s really not as light as you might think.”.

Remus looks at him as if he just only realizes the odd shape of Regulus that Sirius is carrying.
“What on earth happened to him ?” He still looks at him like Sirius could hurt him. As if Sirius ever would.

“I’ll explain it all, please, Remus.”

Remus looks like he's taking a second to think, realistically Sirius might be here to get them, this might all be bullshit, just a ploy to kill him and James, he probably believes… But he knows that Remus is curious. He backs away from the door, wand still trained onto him as he makes his way inside, where Sirius awkwardly drops his brother onto the nearest surface━ thankfully it’s a sofa.

“Explain. Now.”

“Potter around ?” Sirius asks, looking around. The cottage feels warm, in a homey kind of way, nothing like any of the Black properties Sirius has visited and stayed in. It smells of cinnamon, like someone has just baked a fresh tray of cookies. It’s ridiculous how picture perfect it is, actually. He can see a framed photograph on a small end table of the three Marauders, smiling big as Potter lifts a Quidditch cup high in the air.

“He’s sleeping. Explain, Sirius.”

Sirius sits down in an armchair across from where he dropped the still unconscious Regulus. He shoves a hand in his coat pocket, fishing his pack of cigarettes and places one between his lips. He sees Remus twitch at the movement, wand still up and ready to strike. Sirius extends his arm and tips the pack in his direction in question. Remus hesitates for a second before grabbing one and lighting it with a lighter he takes out from his back pocket. He leans forward with the zippo to light Sirius’ cigarette. They share a look, the smallest of instant, Sirius feels it like there's a rock in the bottom of his stomach. As fast as the moment was shared, it disappears as he hears moaning. Remus turns around, wand now pointing at the youngest Black as he sees him stirring.

“Shit, I thought we might have had a bit longer.” Sirius takes a few steps and drops to his knees in front of the couch. “Reggie, it’s okay, don’t freak out but I’m going to just bind you for a second”.

Remus looks at him, eyes bulging. “What ?!” Regulus is wide awake all of the sudden. “Sirius, qu’est-ce qu’il se passe ? Où est-ce qu’on est?!” he sputters, trying to get up from his spot still looking dazed.

Sirius performs a quick Incarcerous on him and Regulus looks at him horrified. “Mais qu’est-ce que tu fous ?! Sirius, espèce de connard, arrête !”, he responds and his brother casts an Oscausi spell on him, shutting him up instantly, his mouth disappearing as if it was never there. Sirius feels an instant pang of guilt remembering his mother doing the same to them growing up and he can see the memory reflected in Regulus’ eyes as they fill up with tears.

“I’m done, I don’t know what the hell is going on here but you need to give me answers or I’ll call up Moody” Remus says, cigarette forgotten, switching his wand back to Sirius. “Fucking now, Sirius!”

“Alright, alright!” Sirius answers, taking a puff on his half burned cigarette, the ashes falling on the ground. “I kind of━ might have━ kidnapped Regulus?” He shrugs, as if he’s asking a question. Remus is fuming, he does not have the energy for this.

“What do you mean?” he answers, enunciating each word as to keep himself and the wolf deep inside of him calm.

Sirius seems to sober up a bit, dropping his shoulders and looking up at Remus.
“They were going to kill him, Remus.”

Regulus’ eyes whip to his brother, question clearly visible the look he gives him.

“Regulus has been working on… something. For the Dark Lord. He was going to take him somewhere, to help him finish up this special project of his and once he’d done his part, he was going to get rid of him. And she━” he chokes slightly “she was okay with it. The spare, that’s what she called him, he was nothing but the spare.” He looks at Regulus who stares at him with disbelief, tears rolling off his cheeks, shaking his head no. “Remus, I had to take him away, he wouldn’t have followed me if I had asked.” he finishes, glancing back at his brother looking at him with pity.

“And you brought him here ?! Are you insane ? What in Merlin’s arse did you think I could do here to help you, Sirius?” Remus instantly rushes to one of the windows facing the street, looking through the lace curtains.

“I did four jumps, there’s no way we were followed” Sirius tries to reassure him.

Remus stares back at him. “Shit, really?”, a smirk appearing on Sirius’ face, seeing the impressive look he gives him.

“Your mark ? Can he track you with it ?”

“No,” Sirius answers, “He can only summon us and we, him.”

“Well, let’s not.” Remus answers humorlessly. Merlin, Sirius has missed him.

Regulus is still sitting on the couch, straining against the ropes Sirius conjured, looking angry and screaming muffled insults in what must be French if Sirius had to guess.

“Why did you come here Sirius? How did you even find me ?” Remus looks at him, slight desperation in his eyes. Sirius aches, he didn’t want to do this to him, really. But he had no choice.

“I didn't know where else to go, and I used a locator spell, on the Bowie album.”

Remus looks like he wants to scream at him, betrayl evident on his features. Why couldn’t he just stay away? There’s that familiar tug in his chest, even though it’s been so long since he felt it, he knows what it means. Sirius can feel Remus' determination starting to crumble.

“What would I tell James ? This is his house.” he concedes after a beat.

Sirius considers for a second, leaning back into the armchair, “Can we just figure this out in the morning ?” he yawns.

Remus glares at him, then turns to look at Regulus who seems to have calmed down a bit but is still breathing harshly through his nose, shoulders rising with each breath. This can’t be happening. He pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to imagine the conversation in the morning with James (“okay so the Black brothers are crashing on our couch, no this isn’t a joke, yes I know they’re Death Eaters, no I haven’t completely lost it, yes they still have their wands, no I haven’t called Moody,... Oh and by the way I used to sleep with Sirius in school.”). That’s just great, no flaws in that plan whatsoever.

“Move over,” Remus says to Sirius, “go sit with him.” Sirius obliges as it isn’t his house and Regulus gives him the death stare as he comes to sit beside him on the sofa. Remus takes Sirius’ place in the arm chair, wand still raised and ready to curse him if this is all a ploy.

“I’m not waking James up, god knows he needs his sleep. I’ll stay awake, catch him in the morning.”

Sirius smirks at him again.

“Whatever you want, Moony.”

Remus sends a stinging jinx to his leg “Don’t call me that”.

They all sit back, looking at each other as if they find themselves in a Mexican standoff.
This is going to be a long night.

━━━

Wednesday 1st of September 1971

He is nervously twisting his fingers behind his back but his posture is straight, just like it ought to. He glances at the Slytherin table where he can see Cissy and Bella. There’s a boy with glasses being loud next to him, he’s pestering a ginger girl on his left but Sirius brings his attention back to the stern looking professor McGonagall standing a few paces from him and the rest of the first years.

“Sirius Black.” She reads from the piece of parchment she holds, spectacles at the tip of her nose.

Sirius makes his way up the couple of steps that separate the rest of the hall from the platform where a stool stands. His stomach is in knots as he sits down, McGonagall drops an old bangged up hat atop his head. It slips slightly over his eyes and he is plunged in darkness. All of the sudden he hears a voice coming from the depth of his mind.

“Mmhm, another Black, huh ? Well, this should be easy, shouldn’t it now ? Let’s see— mmh, a lot of potential, yes. The need to prove himself?” Sirius tenses, he didn’t know the hat could read what was in his head, he just thought it would sort him immediately. “Now you could thrive somewhere else, Gryffondor perhaps ? You certainly have the bravery of heart for it.”
No, no, please, no he starts to think while a sense of dread washes over him. I need to be in Slytherin, he wishes to the hat. “Very well, a shame though…”

“SLYTHERIN”, the hat bellows and Sirius visibly deflates, stepping off the stool, heading towards his cousins.

Bella knocks shoulders with him as she cackles and Cissy ruffles his hair, a proud smile on her lips. Sirius feels relieved but can’t shake a weird feeling, some sort of numb buzzing under his skin, like he’s being watched. He turns his head back to the group of first years waiting to be sorted, in the crowd he spots the boy with sandy curls, he is staring at Sirius. He holds his gaze and cannot resist sneering at him, straightening up, nose slightly in the air. The boy just looks at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips and what seems to be… did he just snort at Sirius ? He can’t be sure because he’s too far but it definitely looked like a snort. Sirius frowns and tries to make himself look superior, the way his mother does when speaking to those she deems lesser than herself. All he gets in return is another smile and a shake of the head. What’s his problem he thinks, now angry, arms crossed over his chest.

Just then, the name Remus Lupin is called and the sandy haired boy moves up to the platform to go take his seat. The hat barely touches his head before declaring “GRYFFONDOR”. Well, that explains it. Sirius looks at him making his way to the table furthest away from his and tries to think if he’s ever heard his parents mention any Lupins. He can’t remember, so he’s probably not a pureblood. Anyway, if he’s in Gryffondor, he is certainly not good company to keep anyway.

After a couple other students get sorted (two Huffelpuffs, one Ravenclaw and another Gryffondor), the obnoxious bespectacled boy is next. The same thing happens, it barely takes a second for him to be sorted in Gryffondor and he goes to sit with the Lupin boy and another cherub-faced kid, all three grinning at each other.
Sirius turns back to the Slytherin table, a polite smile on his face as Bella and Cissy begin introducing him to other members of the house. The table is buzzing with pride of having yet another Black joining their ranks.
And just for an instant, Sirius wonders how it might have been like to be sitting across the hall with those boys.

━━━

Sunday 1st of June 1980

James wakes up with a cottonmouth. A ray of sunshine is making its way through the curtains, smack in his face. He hates it. He turns around burying further into his fluffy duvet, willing his hangover not to split his skull. He blindly searches for his wand and finds it under the pillow across from him. The sheets have stopped smelling like her, he hasn’t changed them since she left, he doesn’t have the strength to. He casts a tempus charm, the time hovering, golden & shimmering just above his wand: 8.43am. As good a time as any, he thinks. He still reluctantly pulls himself out of bed, grabbing his glasses and a throw blanket, wrapping himself in it. He knows that he should take a shower, Remus would want him to but if he’s going to accomplish anything, he needs coffee first.
He slides his feet in some ridiculous looking slipper Lily got him last Christmas, they’re deer heads complete with little antlers and fluffy red noses. James stares at them for a second, throat thigh. This is so ridiculous, they’re just slippers man, get a hold of yourself, he thinks.

He slowly makes his way down the stairs, stopping in the kitchen for a cup of coffee. Weird, there isn’t any, the percolator sits untouched. Remus bought this god awful machine when he moved in, declaring that this was the best way for them to get coffee, refusing to be dependent on Tilly, the Potter’s elf. James has no idea how to make the machine work. Well this day is not starting well. He crosses his arms, bundling himself in the blanket, grumbling as he starts to call for Remus.

“Mooooonyyyy… The coffeeeeee…” he stumbles into the living room and comes to a abrupt stop at the sight in front of him: both Black brothers, asleep on his couch.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” he screams, one octave to high, searching for his wand. Ha, of course he left it in his bed.

Suddenly, Remus appears to be jumping out of the armchair across the sofa, wand in hand, “What ? What’s━ Oh shit.” he curses, turning to James.

Sirius wakes up as well (how could he not, James was so fucking loud) and immediately turns to look at his brother, still tied up but Oscausi spell removed. Regulus stirs, opening his eyes slowly before panic takes over his entire demeanor. Sirius directly makes his way to him, trying to reassure him.

“Tout va bien, calmes-toi, on est en sécurité ici. Je peux te faire confiance ?” Sirius says as Regulus sighs, exasperated and nods. Sirius releases him from his restraints.

“Et qu’est-ce qu’on fout ici justement, Sirius ?!” is Regulus first question, rubbing his arms where the rope where.

James’ eyes ping-pong between them, then back to Remus.

“James, everything is fine, just let me explain” Remus tries to calm him down, alas to no avail.

“Fine ?! FINE ?! Remus, there are two Death Eaters in our living room for Merlin’s sake!”

“Only one Death Eater.” Regulus snaps back with disdain, looking him up and down, taking in his disheveled appearance, a smug smile on his lips. James stares back at him, feeling extremely self conscious, clutching at the throw blanket tightly around his bare chest and up to his chin.

Sirius chuckles, pulling out a cigarette. “Well good morning sunshine, sorry to intrude on your little routine but it was an emergency and I kind of forced good Remus' hand here.”

Remus looks like he wants to chortle him. “James, come to the kitchen, I’ll make us some coffee and will explain.”

“And leave those two here unattended ? Have you gone mad ?!”

Sirius stands up, retrieving two wands from the inside pocket of his coat and leaving them on the coffee table in front of him. “Here, take them if you want.” he says, as a show of faith in which James doesn't really believe.

James looks at him, still thinking this could be a trap. “Have you at least called Moody?” he asks Remus.

“No, and we won’t be doing that right away.” Remus answers, pushing James towards the kitchen but not before he pockets both wands.

“I’ll take a cuppa joe if you’re offering!” Sirius calls out after them.

“Make that two!” Regulus adds.

James is sputtering as Remus makes his rummages through the cupboards, grabbing cups and Merlin knows what else to get the machine to make coffee for them.

“Remus, have you lost your mind ? What are they doing here ? What if this is a trap ?”

“It isn’t. At least I’m pretty sure it isn’t.”

“Well that’s fucking reassuring” James glares at him, then rubs at his temples. His migraine is definitely here to stay then. He considers spiking his coffee… How do muggles call it again ? Hair of the dog ?

“I know, I owe you an explanation but I also have limited information, I think if we could all just sit down and talk,...”

“Oh yes, let’s serve them breakfast as well, shall we ? What do you think ? Is Sirius more of a pancake or cereal guy ?”

“Eggs, actually. Scrambled would be perfect.” James hears from behind him. Sirius is standing in the doorway, leaning with his left shoulder on the frame, smirking.

“Listen, Potter, Remus is right.” he says, demeanour suddenly changing, he somehow looks apologetic. “If we could all sit down, I swear, I will explain. We’re not here to hurt you guys or anything, promise.”

“The promise of a Slytherin isn’t worth shit.” James answers. A look of hurt seems to cross Sirius’ face for a second but the mask slides back in place just as fast. “But sure, yes, let’s sit down.”

“Thank you.” Sirius says, making his way back to the living room.

James hurries up back to his room, taking his wand with him and finally putting on a shirt. He can hear the two brothers talking rapidly in French as he joins them back, Remus holding out a cup for him.

“Okay, let’s hear it then.” James declares, pulling a stool next to the armchair where Remus settles.

The brothers share a look, Regulus seeming as uncomfortable as James.

“Like I explained in short yesterday to Moony here,...” James looks at Remus, surprised by the nickname and Remus glares at Sirius, jaw tight. “... Regulus was working on a special project for the Dark Lord, he’s been doing so for a few months now.”

“What kind of project ?” James asks Regulus. He scoffs, arms crossed over his chest as he leans back “As if I’d tell you.” Great, really getting some answers here, James thinks.

“An important one,” Sirius continues, “but then Dark Lord decided he needs someone to test it out and was about to take Regulus somewhere to do so. He wouldn’t have come back, and I couldn’t have that”. Sirius looks sadly at his brother who decidedly refuses to meet his eyes. "All I ever wanted was to protect him, that’s it. And now, I might have put us both in even more danger. But I had no choice."

There’s a dead silence.

“And you came here because…?” James questions.

“I need your help, to hide him. I’m not asking the Order, I’m asking you.” Sirius looks earnestly at Remus, eyes almost pleading. James is confused, why them ? Why come to them ?

“I don’t need a babysitter.” Regulus speaks out, still ignoring his brother’s looks. “And I don’t believe that Mother would just consent to me getting sacrificed for the cause.”

“Regulus, look at me.” Sirius leans forward, trying to catch his eyes. “Look at me and you’ll see, I’m not lying.”

There’s a beat, then Regulus mutters “Legillimens.”, finally staring into Sirius' eyes. Another minute passes by in complete silence then finally, with a small gasp, Regulus recoils. Tears fill his eyes but remain unshed.

“I’m so sorry, Reggie”, Sirius reaches out to lay a hand on top of his brother’s but Regulus retreats even more.

Remus clears his throat “You’re not giving us much to go here. How are we supposed to trust you ?”

Sirius sighs, looking at Regulus “Because he knows something that could end this war, and we’re going to tell you how.”

Chapter Text

Sunday 1st of June 1980

Remus is thumbing the tag on the tea bag, he switched from coffee a couple of hours ago since it wasn’t helping with his nerves. He still doesn’t know if he trusts Sirius fully. Who is he kidding, of course he doesn’t trust him fully. He’s decided to give it 24 hours before he calls Moody and brings the situation to light. There’s an Order meeting on the following Thursday at the Prewett’s, so there’s definitely a clock on this.

The kettle whistles on the stove so he reaches for it and pours himself a cup. He turns around to find Sirius staring at him from the doorway, again— Remus thinks Sirius should not be allowed to lean against doorways anymore if he’s going to focus on getting anything done.

“Sooo… Have you called Moody yet ?” he asks, straightening out.

“Seeing as you’re still standing here and not in a cell in Azkaban, no, I haven’t.”

Remus tries to walk past him nonchalantly, to get back to the living room. He can feel Sirius’ gaze on him, it’s unnerving, like needles on the back of his neck.

“Are you going to ?” he asks, following him.

“Well… Probably, at some point,” he lies, “when we have information worth bringing to the Order.” He eyes him, trying to gauge his reaction, searching for a flicker of deception.

Sirius scoffs “Oh I’m sorry, did you miss the part where I said we have something that might end this war ?”. Remus rolls his eyes.

They’ve moved to the table where some books are spread about, piled haphazardly on top of each other, the youngest Black picking some of them up, turning them this way and that as if looking for one in particular. James is just sitting, observing Regulus, still looking nervous to the idea of having those two in his house. There’s a satchel sitting on a chair between them, Regulus plunges his arm, elbow deep into it, rummaging through.

“Is that an illegal extension charm on that bag ?” James asks, genuinely curious.

“Obviously.” Regulus answers dryly. James looks at him annoyed, repeating the word back under his breath in a mock-like tone like a kid. Regulus glares back.

“Did you take an entire library with you?” Remus strolls up to the table, smoothing his hand over a tome entitled “Dark Potions & Brews by Thyleda Beltch”. Regulus grabs it, holding it close to his chest as if it were his most prized possession.

“That’s a first edition from 1649, don’t touch it.” He barrates him like a child, as if Remus cannot appreciate the value of an ancient book.

They’ve been sitting like this for a couple of hours, Regulus emptying the bag that Sirius has brought with them, sighing every now and then as he pulls out books after books. Sirius has explained that he had grabbed as much as possible from the Black private library, books he knew might be relevant or had seen Regulus consult for this special project.
Regulus still hasn’t offered a clear explanation, looking at his brother as if waiting for a signal to do so. Remus has noticed that he does that a lot, checking in with Sirius, making sure that he does the right thing, says the right thing. He hadn’t seen them interact much together in school, Regulus seemed to have his own group of friends and well, Sirius had more “admirers” than real friends, as he had once put it. People who were just interested in the Black name and fortune rather than him as a person.

“Are you missing anything specific?” Sirius asks his brother. Regulus seems to scan what he has spread on the table, the stacks probably have some sort of order to them, not that Remus or James would know.

“I think for now, that should do it.” He hums, setting his mouth in a line and taking back his seat.

“Alright.” Sirius comes to sit next to his younger sibling, taking his hand in his, a gesture that seems to startle Regulus. Remus knows for a fact how touch starved Sirius used to be because of his upbringing so he assumes it probably is the same for Regulus. “You need to tell them about this Reggie. I promise you, this is what needs to be done, you saw it yourself, they had no regards for your life. But I do. And this is why I had to get you out of there, to get us both out of there. So explain it to them.” Sirius’ face softened as he spoke to him, encouraging the boy to reveal his secrets. Regulus looks back, fidgeting, clearly insecure.

“All of it ?”

“All of it.”

He takes a deep breath, “Nothing will happen to us?” The question seems to be directed at Remus, and he is slightly taken aback by the nervous tone of Sirius' brother.

“If what Sirius said is true and this can truly have enough of an impact to end the war… Then yes, I’m sure that the Order will protect you both, as much as they can.”

Regulus sets his shoulders back, straightening his posture, looking resolute. “Ok.”

“Ok.” Remus answers.

“A few months ago, the Dark Lord came to my mother, asking if I could be of use for potion making,” Remus distantly remembers that he had a talent for the subject in school, “at first, he would ask that I make simple brews that could be used on missions, then he started asking for more complicated ones, it all felt like a test somehow, leading up to something bigger… One day, he showed up at Grimmauld Place and asked that I do research for him. He wanted a potion that could protect something, an object of value he said. He didn’t give me much to go on, so over the next few weeks, as I tried out different draughts, he gave me morsels of information about the characteristics of what he was trying to hide. I was to make him a potion that could not be penetrated by hand, vanished, parted, scooped up, siphoned away, transfigured, charmed, or made to change its nature in any possible way. It could only be drained away by drinking and would inflict horrendous pain to the drinker. I never finished it, but I called it the Drink of Despair…”

“Snazzy name” interrupts James, scoffing, arms crossed over his chest. Regulus sends him a look that could kill, shutting him up instantly.

“As I was saying… From the information he gave me, I started cross referencing what dark volumes we had in the Black library and I think I found what he was trying to hide.”

They’re all looking at Regulus expectantly, you could hear a pin drop.

“It’s called an Horcrux.”

There’s a beat where no one says anything, then:

“A whore what now ?” James says, his tone not too serious. Regulus shoots him another glare.

“An Horcrux, you imbecile.” He practically spits at him, “It’s an object, any object really, in which the caster of the spell can store a piece of their soul. It comes at a price, you need to kill and perform a complicated ritual, but basically, it makes them immortal. At least for as long as the Horcrux is intact.”

“Wait, wait,” Remus says, “you mentioned that it’s an object? What object did he want you to hide ? And where ?”

“We never really got to the details I’m afraid. All I know is that it's small.” Regulus answers, glancing at his brother.

“Great, so let me see if I got this right, yeah ? Voldemort wanted you to hide an object inside a potion that tortures people ? Oh and you don't know what or where ? What are we supposed to do with that ?” James turns to Remus, a petulant look on his face.

“You do whatever you want with it, but Regulus needs to be kept safe.” Sirius juts his chin towards his brother. “I’ve risked my life and his to bring you this information. At least, now you know that he can’t be defeated unless you find that Horcrux thing.”

Remus' starts to think. It is valuable information, but incomplete. The senior members of the Order might know what to do with it, but right now, it’s kind of useless. “You said you did some research in the Black library,” he asks Regulus, “any chance they might have hinted at what those objects could be in those books? Are there any limitations to what it can be?”

“I don’t know about limitations, there wasn’t much to go off of… But it did mention that the objects chosen are usually meaningful for the wizard.”

“Can you think of anything, Sirius ?” Remus turns to him.

Sirius seems pensive, surely trying to remember if he saw Voldemort with anything else besides his wand. “I always wondered who the man actually is. He just appeared out of thin air a few years ago and no one seems to know his real name. Maybe we should start with that?”

Remus nods, “I think you’re right. What do we know about him ?” he asks, to no one in particular.

“He’s British.” James speaks up. He gets up, walking up to a small secretary in the corner of the room. He pulls a quill and some parchment, writing down what he just said.

“He looks like he’s in his late forties ? Maybe more ?” Sirius supplies as James dutifully transcribes.

“So he must have attended Hogwarts, around…?”

“The forties.” Regulus confirms.

“Dumbeldore might be able to tell who he is, right ? He must have an idea.” James puts the quill down.

“He’s a pure-blood?” Remus questions, looking at both brothers.

“I don’t know… He does promote a lot of pure-blood ideology but like I said, he just appeared out of nowhere, and we know most of the pure-blood families, at least the Sacred Twenty-Eight” Sirius answers.

The conversation stilts, everyone seeming a bit lost in their own thoughts. James declares that he’ll ask Tilly to prepare them a meal and shows the Blacks better accommodations than the sofa for the night. James still has both their wands, not sure if he really wants to give them back yet. Remus tells him about his plan to contact Moody and Dumbeldore tomorrow and James agrees that it would be the best course of action. After a quiet dinner, they retire for the evening, James with a bottle of fire whisky, Remus with a good book.
Remus knows he should do something about his friend’s drinking. It has really gotten out of hand these last few weeks, but he can’t blame him. The war weighs on all of them, but especially on James. After losing his parents, Peter and since Lily has left, he isn’t the same cheery kid he was in school. Remus worries about him, people in the Order have started to notice as well and Moody gives him less assignments, not that they can really afford it but better that than James making a mistake out in the field.

He’s sitting on his bed, book propped up on his thigh as he rubs soothing circles on his other leg. His limbs are becoming stiffer by the years, the full moon taking a little more out of him every month. Sometimes he swears that they had felt less tiring when he was at school and spent the moons with Sirius.

There’s a knock at his door and Remus perks up, smelling a hint of parchment, the dark forest after rain and tobacco. A string tugs at his heart, he wants to open the door but knows he shouldn’t. But reason doesn’t win tonight. Sirius is standing there, a pained look on his face, Remus wishes he could erase it from his face but he knows better. He knows who Sirius is, or was, or whatever he pretends to be right now. The boy he fell in love with years ago is gone, leaving a Death Eater in his place. And whatever information Sirius might bring to the Order will never change that. It hurts, he tells himself, seeing him standing in front of him looking the way he does, but he decides there and then that whatever will come out of Sirius’ mouth, he will not succumb to it.

“Can I help you?” He says, a bit dryly, trying to convey his mood. “I was about to go to sleep so if it can wait until tomorrow…”

“Moony…” Sirius’ eyes find his. One word and Remus almost forgets why he promised himself he wouldn’t give in. He shakes himself slightly, trying to find his senses again.

“No. You lost the right to call me that years ago.” He tries to slam the door, but Sirius jams his foot to stop it from closing.

“Wait, I’m— I’m sorry, ok? Can we talk, please ?” His fingers wrap around the handle, finding Remus’. It’s like a shock to his system, he back away letting go of the doorknob
as if it burned him. Sirius makes his way in and Remus casts a silencing charm in preemption.

“Remus, I understand you want nothing to do with me, I know I don’t deserve anything from you… But Regulus is innocent in all of this. He never took the mark, he never participated in raids, he wouldn’t hurt a fly, I promise. He was just as stuck as I was in that house. You need to protect him, if anything happens to me.”

He’s quiet after that, waiting for an answer. Hazel eyes are fixed on grey, searching for any malice once again. But once again, Remus cannot find any. His confidence and cockyness aren’t on display, he isn’t performing, he’s being real, Remus can tell. He sighs before telling him “I will do whatever I can to protect him Sirius, I swear to you. But you talk about this as if I hold any power within the Order, which I really don’t. Let’s just hope that what you bring to table is enough.”

Sirius shifts, brows furrowed “You’re a brilliant strategist, I’m sure they listen to you more than what you might think.”. Remus blushes slightly, trying to hide it by running a hand down his face but Sirius is already smirking, catching the gesture for what it is. He takes a step forward and instinctively, Remus takes one backwards, his calf hitting the frame of his bed. He’s suddenly very aware of where they are and of the fact that they are alone for the first time in two years.

Sirius is lifting a hand, trying to reach for his.

“I think you should go.” Remus’ clears his throat, stopping Sirius in his tracks.

A few seconds go back and in an exhale he answers “Very well.”, mask back in place, posture straight, hands clasped behind his back. The perfect Black heir.
He makes for the door, leaving Remus standing in the middle of the room, heart in his throat, shaking faintly.

━━━

Saturday 28th of August 1971

Remus Lupin is a monster. He knows he is a monster because his dad’s job was to stop monsters. And Remus had been bitten by a monster. Therefore, he had become one himself.
Monsters were not allowed in school, his dad had told him this much, although not in so many words.
But a few days before the start of term 1971, a man came to their home, demanding to speak to Remus.
He had sat at the table, his mother serving them tea and cakes, his father splashing some whisky in his own cup. The man explained to Remus that he was in charge of a school, a school which Remus could attend should he want to. His dad had raised his voice, saying that Remus shouldn’t be around other children but the man had cut him off saying that it was his responsibility to assure the student’s safety. His mother had smiled tentatively at him, coming down to his level, both her hands holding on to his on his lap. She had asked Remus if he wanted to go. And Remus answered yes, and that was that.

His father had refused to take him to Diagon Alley to get his school supplies and as his mother was a muggle, she didn't know how to get there and seemed scared to anyhow. But they made their way to London regardless, Hope Lupin dropped him off in front of a shabby establishment called The Leaky Cauldron and told him to meet her back here in two hours, giving him plenty of time for his errands.
Remus found himself in the middle of this bustling street, crooked buildings on either side, shops with bright and loud windows meant to attract the many shoppers. He felt lost, list in hand, looking around trying to make sense of where he was supposed to start. He turned, bumping into a redhead in the process, books tumbling out of her grip.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t looking— well, I was just trying to figure out where to go.” He dropped down immediately, apologizing and helping her pick them all up.

A freckled face looked at him, a big smile on her lips and answered “Oh no, I understand, it can all be quite overwhelming” she laughed shyly, tucking a strand of hair that had escaped her plaid. “Are you starting this year at Hogwarts as well ?” she says, pointing to his list, “It’s all very exciting isn’t it ?”

Remus got back up, handing her the rest of her books, “Yes, I guess so,” he said as he rubbed the back of his neck.”Hum, can I ask you, where could I find one of those?” he points at the cauldron in which she had dropped her books in with care.

“Oh yes, it’s right up there, but I can take you if you want, I think I missed one of the shops next to it. My parents are waiting for me back at the Leaky Cauldron but I'm sure they won’t mind.” she suggests. “My name is Lily Evans by the way.” she says proudly, extending her hand.

Remus takes it, shaking it like he’s seen his father do. “Remus Lupin, nice to meet you Lily.” He returns her smile, a feeling of warmth in his chest as they make their way up the cobbled stone street.

Lily shows him around, taking him to several shops in fact, even those she had already been to. Remus is grateful, wondering if this is what it feels like to make friends. She tells him about how she found out she was accepted to Hogwart, tells him about her family— all muggles— and how her sister hadn’t seemed to take the news well.

“Tunia can be sour sometimes, but I think she might just have been a bit jealous…”

Remus hums in response, avoiding the subject of how he found out he could attend the school of magic. He tells her about his mom, a bit about his dad, where they live. They enter their next destination, a wand shop called Ollivanders with a sign hanging above the door declaring proudly “Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.”.
The inside has a dusty, stale smell that tickles Remus’ nose, it makes him want to sneeze. There are small long boxes everywhere, from floor to ceiling, his eyes roam over the multitude of them. At the counter stands an older man, he is talking to a tall woman. Her dark hair is pinned in a tight bun high on her head and she is wearing elegant wizard robes. Next to her are two boys, one seems smaller than the other and is holding his brother’s hand. The eldest stands before the man, seemingly in the process of choosing a wand while his mother regards him severely.

“Mmhm, try this one young Black.” the man says, handing him out a wand. “Unicorn hair, 12½" inches, pliable,...”

“Nonsense, my son would never wield a wand with a unicorn core.” the woman interrupts the shop owner, sliding the box back towards him with one finger. Looking unperturbed, the man turns, murmuring to himself looking up in the different stacks to his right.

“I knew we should have gone to Paris to Cosme Acajor’s boutique, Ollivander is not what he used to be” she whispers to her older son who nods in agreement.

Ollivander comes back with another dusty box, opening it before them and declaring “This one might be more suited: ebony, 13” inches, dragon heartstring core.”

The young boy reaches out, fingers flexing around it. He casts a spell on a feather resting on the counter but Remus cannot hear what exactly. The feather trembles, lifting off the wooden surface, slowly ascending in front of them.

“Wow, did you see that ? He already knows spells !” Lily says in a hushed tone to Remus, although not quiet enough apparently as the woman turns to see who made the comment.
She lays a protective hand on the boy’s shoulder, grip seeming to tighten as she looks at them from head to toes, a sneer slowly appearing on her face. Remus feels his cheeks heat up under her gaze knowing that he is wearing shabby looking clothes but keeps his head held high.
Right then, the boy turns to see what got the woman’s attention. His eyes are piercing, the color of steel, high cheekbones and an air of superiority that resembles his mother’s. The smallest boy just seems to retract on himself, hiding behind his older brother.

“The clientele sure has changed in the last few years,” she says, voice dripping with disgust. “Let’s go, Sirius.” She orders her son as she pays for the wand by tossing a few coins on the counter. She walks in the direction of the door, making sure to avoid coming near Remus and Lily.

“Oui, maman.” The two boys are trailing behind her, the eldest looks at him, nose up in the air and Remus can’t help himself, pulling a face and sticking his tongue out. The boy’s eyes widen a bit in shock, turning to make sure his mother hasn't seen the rude display but he doesn’t return the grimace as they exit. Lily snickers in her sleeve, and they make their way to the counter.

━━━

Wednesday 1st of September 1971

The following week they make it just in time to King’s Cross for Remus to step onto the train and wave goodbye to his mother on the stoop. His father hasn’t bothered showing up, not that Remus expected him to.
He looks for Lily but cannot find her, so he starts searching for a spot to sit in, his beat up trunk dragging behind him. The train is packed but he finds a compartment with two other boys around his age in it. He tentatively slides the door open, peeking his head through and asks them if he can sit with them. One of the boys has a warm smile, teeth shining against his olive skin. His hair is sticking out in every direction and he is holding some cards in his hands.

“Yeah, of course!” he says. Remus makes his way in as the boy declares “I’m James Potter, and this here is Peter Pettigrew.” he points with his cards.

The Pettigrew kid waves timidly. He’s a blond rosy cheeked boy with dimples. “Are you also starting this year ?” he asks.

“Yes! Hi, my name is Remus, huh, Lupin.” he says, putting his trunk under the seat and taking his place next to Peter. “What are you guys playing at ?”

“Exploding Snap! Do you want to play?” James asks, looking expectantly at Remus.

“Huh… I don’t know how” he pulls at a thread off the right sleeve of his oversized sweater nervously.

James starts explaining the rules to him, Peter chiming in every now and then. They play a couple of games before a lady comes by with a cart full of snacks and sweets. Peter buys a whole lot of different treats that he generously shares amongst them. They eat themselves full, talking about quidditch and their lives at home. James is also an only child, they have that in common Remus thinks. His dad is apparently a successful potioneer, his mother is a healer and James swears up and down that she is the best cook he’ll ever meet.
Peter has a younger sister and an older brother already out of Hogwarts who works at the Daily Prophet with his father. They laugh, sharing stories of their youths together, James and Peter being neighbours, they have known each other their entire lives. Remus tells them about the music he listens to, both boys have never heard of any of the muggle bands that he likes so he can’t wait to make them listen to them all. Remus feels good, like this is the beginning of something important, something great.

Half an hour before they arrive at Hogwarts, James suggests they get changed into their school robes— Remus takes his and makes his way to the bathroom.
Just as he's getting out, brushing some lint off his sleeve, he bumps into someone. He takes a step back, an apology on the tip of his tongue until his eyes meet grey steely ones. The other boy rubs his shoulder where they connected in Remus’ hasty exit.

“You.” the boy snaps, sneering.

“Me?” Remus says with a chuckle.

“Watch where you’re going.” He practically spits.

What the hell is his problem Remus wonders as he watches him leave in the opposite direction of his carriage. At the last second, he sees him looking over his shoulder, their eyes connecting once more and this time, Remus feels something clawing at his insides, it’s probably just nerves he tells himself.

James has explained it all to him on the train, how the ceremony works, how each kid is sorted in each house, which houses are the good ones, which ones aren’t,... But Remus is still nervous. He somehow feels like someone will come and get him, tell him there’s been a mistake and that he needs to leave immediately. James and Peter already seem so at ease here as they walk through the ancient corridors, pointing out certain features to Remus. He's supposed to be a wizard, yet he feels like he knows nothing of this world, like he doesn’t belong. He tries to focus on something else as they make their way into the Great Hall until he spots a familiar head of fiery red hair. He walks faster, passing a couple of other students to try to get to her, James and Peter following behind him a quizzical look on their faces.

“Lily!” Remus calls after her with a bit too much enthusiasm but as soon as she turns around and beams back at him, he already feels less insecure.

“Hiya Remus!” she answers, “Sorry I couldn’t find you on the train, I was sitting with my friend Sev” she points at a boy next to her.

He looks at Remus suspiciously, black hair framing a long face with a pointy nose. He doesn’t look so friendly if Remus is being honest. He introduces James and Peter to Lily and her friend “Sev”, who regards them all with a bit too much disdain.

“Come on Lily, let’s get to the front.” the boy says, pulling on her sleeve.

“Oh! Huh, ok, yes.” Lily fumbles, looking between her friend and the rest of them. “I guess I’ll see you later then Remus? It was nice meeting you, uh, Peter and James, was it?”

“Yeah… Totally…” James answers, eyes transfixed on the redhead. Peter sniggers next to him, elbowing him in the ribs. Remus wonders what that’s all about.

“Hey lads, let’s get to the front as well, yeah ?” James says, his eyes not leaving Lily as she makes her way through the crowd.

The stern looking woman who led them through the castle is facing the whole group of first year, she has a scroll in her hands and starts calling one name after the other.
Remus notices that James is chatting up an annoyed looking Lily a bit further down, Peter shaking his head at him. Lily gets called out and ends up in Gryffondor. All of the sudden, Remus’ attention is redirected to what is happening in front of them as the boy with silver eyes steps up to the raised platform to go sit on the stool. The hat takes a minute or two longer than it did for the previous students but eventually exclaims “SLYTHERIN!”.

“Of course.” Peter says in a low voice.

“What ?” Remus questions.

“Well he’s a Black, they all end up in Slytherin.” Remus nods, pretending to understand the logic behind the statement. He watches as the boy goes to sit at one of the tables, between two teenage girls who seem to know him.

Remus is transfixed as Peter adds “They’re one of the oldest pure-blood families, the Blacks. Very posh and with a stick up their arse if you ask me…”, Remus can’t help but snort while still looking at the Black kid across the room.

After a few other first years get sorted, it’s Remus’ turn. He is relieved when it takes less than a couple of seconds for the hat to declare that he belongs in Gryffondor (one of the good houses as James had put it). His new friends end up following him as well, Remus feels so relieved as they all sit together at the table, a beautiful feast appearing before them.
That night, as he settles in his bed, with his new friends and roommates, Remus can’t help but think of grey eyes as he drifts off.

━━━

Monday 2nd of June 1980

Remus grinds his cigarette on the muddy path as he makes it in front of the familiar gates. They open, as if they were expecting him, which is probably the case he thinks. He’s out of breath after the trek from Hogsmeade, he knows he should stop smoking, or at least give it a rest around the full moon…

The castle is full of life, kids of every age running around trying to get to their next lesson, a few enjoying the sun during their free period on the lawns. Remus feels a pang of nostalgia seeing all of those care-free teenagers, none of them seem preoccupied by the war raging on outside those walls. Of course he knows that it probably isn’t the case, he remembers being sixteen and thinking about what would wait for him once he was out of school. Unfortunately, he had no idea how different his life would have turned out a few years later.
Remus makes it to the gargoyle statue that leads to the headmaster’s office. He mutters the password that Dumbeldore had sent him via owl the night before and makes his way up the spiral staircase. As he faces the door he can already smell Moody, reeking of sulfuric dark magic. He knocks once, not waiting for an answer as he steps inside the cavernous room that is Dumbledore’s office. He sees the headmaster sitting at his desk, Moody standing next to him, head bowed in conversation.

“Ah Remus, dear boy, come, come.” Remus cringes at the false sympathy of the man. Anyone willing to send teenagers to their deaths doesn’t deserve respect in his eyes but unfortunately, he doesn’t have much choice but to ask for the man’s help.

“Professor.” he answers curtly. “Moody.” he nods at the other wizard as he takes a seat across from them.

“Your message seemed quite urgent, Lupin. Out with it, what is going on?” Moody asks, getting right to the point.

Remus shifts uncomfortably on his seat, wondering how he should start this conversation. Sirius and Regulus are still at Potter Cottage, James is there of course to keep an eye on them. Still, he feels nervous, not knowing the reaction that the new information might have on the two men before him.

“Two days ago, someone showed up at Potter Cottage, claiming to have information that could turn things our way concerning the war.”

A beat, as they scrutinize him.

“That’s awfully vague, Remus.” Dumbledore provides. “Who was it and what information did they bring?”

“What you need to understand first is that this person has gone through considerable risks to get us this information. They need protection, whatever happens.”

“If the information proves itself valuable and verifiable, then I don’t see why that couldn’t be the case.”

Remus takes a deep breath, setting his shoulders. Moody straightens up as well, hand clasped behind his back like a good soldier. He has always been a bit nervous when around Remus, and honestly he cannot blame him.

“It’s Sirius Black. And his brother, Regulus.” he exhales.

A moment passes before Moody reacts, “The Death Eaters ?” He leans a bit forward, as if he has misunderstood what Remus has just told them. Dumbledore sits calm and collected, both hands coming up to his chin, the tips of his fingers touching. Remus sees it behind his eyes, the way that the old man is trying to calculate how this could be an advantage for them.

“They came looking for refuge. The youngest Black was set to be killed after having worked on a special project for Voldemort. It seemed that he did not want to leave anyone behind that might know about this specific mission. He was asked to make a potion, one that could aid him in hiding an object, something important…” he trails off, seeing the confusion in Moody’s eyes.

“A dark object ?” the headmaster asks. “A weapon of sorts?”

“Not exactly, sir. If we are to believe Regulus Black and the research he has done, it is a bit more complicated than that. He believes that Voldemort has split his soul, hiding a piece of it in an object, making him virtually impossible to kill, unless said object is destroyed first. It’s called a Horcrux”, Remus notices the look that is exchanged between the two older wizards. A slight shift in their composure.

“You did good coming to us, Remus.” Dumbledore gets up from behind his desk, going up to a portrait, murmuring something. Thanks to his abnormally good hearing, Remus hears something about the library and its restricted section. A second later, the man in the portrait disappears, probably executing the headmaster’s order. “I’d like to talk to the Black brothers myself, Remus. Could you arrange that?” he asks next. Remus feels a certain unease at the idea of having Dumbldedore in their home but it makes sense that he would want to investigate himself after all.

“Hum… Yes, I think so. When?” Remus answers.

“As soon as possible, I will come to the Cottage, no need to put them in further danger as I assume Voldemort must have noticed their absence already.”

Moody steps closer to the desk “I will accompany you, Headmaster. I myself have a few questions for them as well, they might be able to tell us more about the structure of Voldemort’s inner circle.”

Remus is a bit taken aback by the swiftness with which everything is being handled. It feels too easy, somehow… But then again, this could very well change everything. Nevertheless, he agrees to meet with them later that afternoon. Dumbledore lets him use the Floo in his office to get back home.

A few hours later, he hears a resounding knock on the door of Potter Cottage. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Regulus tense up and Sirius immediately putting a hand on his brother’s shoulder. James goes to open the door, letting the two wizards in. After a quick check of their identity— something the Order has had to do to make sure that none of them could be a spy— they all gather around the table in the living area. Remus can see that both Black brothers are uncomfortable, Sirius’ eyes boring into Moody and the man reciprocating the look. There’s some tension and for a while, no one says anything until Dumbledore speaks up.

“I was made aware that you had some information that could help us win this war.” he says, bluntly.

“Well, that all depends on what you do with it, of course.” Sirius answers, the shadow of a smile across his face. His demeanor changes, seeming to relax as he extends an arm over the chair next to him in which Regulus is sitting. Remus can see through it though, he knows the casual posture is meant to disarm and manipulate, something Sirius is an expert at.

“How can we verify that information?” Moody asks him.

“You can’t.” It’s Regulus’ turn to speak up now. “I did the research myself, but I had no way of confirming if what I found was what the Dark Lord has done to himself.”

“Do you know anything else that could help ? An idea of what the object might be?” the headmaster asks him.

“We think it might be something personal, which makes it difficult without knowing the Dark Lord’s true identity.”

Moody and Dumbledore share another look like the one they had back in the office at Hogwarts. It’s subtle but Remus catches it nonetheless.

“That’s it.” Sirius says, a bit more solemn now. “We won’t share anything more until you can guarantee my brother’s safety.”

“And not your own ?” Moody quirks an eyebrow at Sirius. But he doesn’t have the time to answer as Remus interrupts, looking straight at Dumbledore.

“You already know who he is.” It is not a question, but a statement that he makes.

Dumbledore’s expression remains the same as he turns to him, malice in his eyes, “We might know of his identity, yes, although he has gone through considerable means to keep it hidden”.

“Well?” James prods, “What’s his real name?”

“I’m afraid that information shall remain hidden for the time being” the headmaster says, clasping his hands in front of him. “Unless,...”

“Unless what?” Sirius asks, now starting to sound irritated.

“Unless you are ready to help us in this endeavor.” All eyes fall on Dumbledore.

“Help you? I think we’ve already helped enough by risking our lives!” Sirius is now out of his chair. Moody reacts immediately, pointing his wand at him, muttering “Sit right back down, now son.”

“Mr Black, I simply ask that you use your connections to your fellow Death Eaters and try to find out more.” Dumbledore tells him, as if they are just having the most casual of conversations. “You have been gone but a couple of days? I am sure that you can find an explanation for your absence and take back your position in Voldemort’s inner circle.”

“There’s no fucking way I am waltzing back into that house pretending that everything is just peachy when he planned to have my baby brother killed!” anger is radiating off of him and Remus watches Regulus cringe at the term of endearment. “Fuck this.” Sirius says, turning to Remus and the next thing he knows, he is storming out of the room.

After that, the conversation seems pretty much over. Moody asks a few questions to Regulus about the comings and goings happening in Grimmauld Place and James gets busy with food for that evening. Remus feels guilty for bringing Dumbledore and Moody to their place but there isn’t much else he could have done, could he? Still, an uneasy feeling washes over him and he decides to go look for Sirius.

He finds him in the back garden, leaning against the house, a cigarette between his fingers. Remus knows that it’s a bad habit that he picked up from him, no decent pure-blood would ever be caught smoking muggle cigarettes. He settles next to him, pulling one out of his own pack and lighting it. They just stay like this for a while, not a word exchanged between them, chain smoking. After a while, Remus feels the pressure to talk first.

“I’m sorry, Sirius.”

He scoffs, “Sorry for what? It’s not your fault, you did what you could. I knew I shouldn’t have trusted the Order, they’re just useless.”. He looks so tired, Remus can only assume how the last few days have felt for him, let alone the last few years. He tries not to feel compassion for Sirius but he cannot help it.

“What are you going to do?” he asks him, tentatively.

“As long as the Dark Lord is alive, Regulus is in danger. So it seems pretty obvious to me… I’m going to kill him myself.” he says it so casually that it takes a second or two for Remus to realize what he just stated.

“You’re not serious.”

“I am, as a matter of fact.” he chuckles. Ah. He walked right into that one.

“Sirius, you can’t do this on your own, where would you even start? We don’t even know who Voldemort is, how on earth are you going to find his Horcrux ?”

“Dumbeldore cannot be the only one who has an idea of who he is, I refuse to believe that. And seeing the kind of nice things he has to say about muggleborns, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t a Huffelpuff.”

That makes sense, thinks Remus. He stares out to the horizon beyond the orchard trees at the end of the garden, oddly comfortable next to his ex-lover. It has been so strange and yet so familiar to have him around those last couple of days. He glances at him from the corner of his eye, taking in the man that Sirius has become. He looks the same, if only sharper, the slope of his nose, his jaw, cheekbones,... Everything looks more angular, hardened. But his eyes, oh his eyes are still the softest part of him when he looks at Remus. Those eyes have always been the bane of his existence. He remembers the day they brewed amortentia in class, when he realized who the smell of his potion reminded him of, the way Sirius’ eyes had found him across the classroom, the hitch in his breath, the… Suddenly, a thought occurs to him.

“Slughorn.”

“Huh ? What does that old Sluggy have to do with this ?” Sirius asked, amused.

“Like you said, it’s unlikely that Voldemort was a Huffelpuff… But a Slytherin ?” he trails off.

Sirius peels himself off the wall with enthusiasm, “Oh Moony, yes, you genius ! Slughorn would know, being the head of Slytherin!” He takes a step forward, hands reaching, seeming to want to touch Remus. But Remus takes a step back. The moment is broken before it even begins, silence settling back between them.

“Sorry.” he offers.

Remus sighs, taking another drag on his cigarette before extinguishing it on the cobble stone of the terras. He looks up to find Sirius’ eyes on him once again. Something feels like it’s cracking open in his chest, going past his ribs, and is reaching in there, squeezing his heart. Remus gets the words out before he can think of them properly.

“You cannot do this on your own.”

“I can’t very well take Reggie with me, he needs to stay hidden…” Sirius’ mind automatically goes to his brother, of course. But Remus corrects him right away.

“No— I’m coming with you.” he says, matter of factly.

“The hell you are, this isn’t your battle!” Sirius answers on the defensive. But two can play that game, honestly.

“You made it my battle when you showed up on my doorstep !” Remus retorts, “And really, you think you are the only one that has been going through this war? Going on missions? Losing people?” his voice cracks on those last words and Sirius looks scared as if he’s hurt him. “I want to do this, Sirius, I want the fighting to stop, I want to live a somewhat normal life, or at least as normal of a life as a werewolf can live. I want to have fun with my friends without thinking that it might be the last time that I get to see them, I want to fall in love,...” he trails off.

Sirius doesn’t speak at first, his mouth is drawn into a straight line, brows furrowed as he looks at his feet. “Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yes, ok. Fuck those old arseholes, let’s do this ourselves.” And then, he smiles. That smile, that Sirius Black smile, the rutheless, I don’t give a fuck smile. And Remus knows he’s done for, there will never be another day where he won’t be haunted by that smile.

Chapter Text

Thursday 5th of June 1980

Regulus has always felt somewhat inadequate. Like he didn’t quite fit anywhere. Growing up, he was most of the time invisible. “Be seen, not heard” , his mother used to tell him. His brother took most of the attention, not that he minded in the end. The less attention you got from Walburga Black, the better. His parents had wanted a perfect heir and they had found it in their eldest son. Regulus was raised as the spare, the “just in case” and that made him invisible. The only moments he would be paid attention to was when he was making mistakes, errors with his tutors, when he would break something or when he missed a note playing the violin. Sirius tried to take the fault where he could, avoiding Regulus the punishment of his blunders. Because of that, Regulus looked up to his brother, always had. He was strong, capable, he was everything that Regulus wasn’t. Unfortunately, when you put someone on a pedestal like that, they can only fall off of it. 

They’ve been staying at the Potter Cottage for almost a week now and Regulus still doesn’t understand why they’re not running away, hiding somewhere out of England, far away. He’s feeling antsy, he thinks his brother has lost his mind, trusting those people. Sirius hasn’t said anything about the reason why they ended up here of all places, he had no clue that his brother even knew Lupin or Potter. The only positive thing about all this is the calm. Finally, Regulus gets to do what he wants— within reason— without the comings and goings of Grimmauld Place and their prying eyes. He sort of misses his home and doesn’t at the same time. He misses the familiarity, knowing where everything is, the security of Grimmauld, knowing those allowed to venture are only allowed in because of the blood wards set up by his father have let them. But he supposes he and his brother are blood traitors now, the wards would probably refuse them entry. 

Sirius and Lupin have left half an hour ago for an Order meeting, Regulus is sitting in the sunroom, enjoying the late afternoon rays of sunshine and reading a book. He hears a noise behind him and immediately turns, reaching for his wand— which of course, he doesn’t have on him, since it has been confiscated. He spots Potter, hovering in the doorway, looking at him, face blank. Well, it seems there are prying eyes here as well after all , he thinks. 

“What do you want, Potter?” he quips, exasperated, settling back down in the wicker deckchair. The idiot doesn’t say anything, he just stands there. Regulus tries to ignore him after that, getting back to his reading, but he can feel his eyes on the back of his head and it’s irritating. He can’t help himself:

“Salazar, I know you took a lot of hits to the head playing quidditch but surely your brain must still be working?” 

“Do you know why your brother came here?”

That catches his attention and he looks away from the book in his lap as Potter makes his way in the room and comes to sit across from him, elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped before him. 

“Of all the places, why here ? And what is up with him and Remus ? I keep finding them talking to each other in hushed tones like a bunch of old gossipy witches every time I step into a room.”

“How the hell would I know ? I wasn’t exactly included in the plan when we left, he just stunned me and brought us here.”

Potter hums in response, then: “Why do you think that is though?”

Regulus sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I don’t know, Potter, why don’t you ask your best friend?”. This line of questioning is getting on his nerves. So much for the calm… But he has a point, Regulus knows it because he has been wondering the same about Sirius’ relationship with Lupin. His brother would know better than to be friends with some Gryffondor. 

They stay silent for a few minutes, that is until Potter opens his mouth, once again.

“Whatcha reading ?” He has a wry smile plastered on his face. Regulus cannot believe that he’s trying to make small talk with him. He closes the book with a snap, “ I was reading a book that had a passage referencing Horcruxes, but I guess I’m done now.”

“No, no, please, keep going.” Potter sits back, still looking at Regulus.

“Don’t you have anywhere else to be ? I don’t know, like your girlfriend's place, the redhead?” 

Potter’s face suddenly decomposes, he looks down at his hands and starts picking at his cuticules, he doesn’t answer right away. 

“She’s gone. I mean, she left. She’s fine, at least I think so. It got to be too much for her, she left England with another friend of ours, Mary, they went to live as muggles to escape it all.”

“Well that’s fucking stupid.” Regulus says but immediately regrets it as Potter gets up swiftly, anger all over his features. 

“Fuck you." His tone is hard, his body all tense. "You don’t know what it’s been like for us. Your side has been killing mercilessly, we’ve lost countless people, I don’t blame her for leaving when she could. I would be terrified if I was muggleborn. But I can’t blame you for not understanding, seeing as all your friends and family are a bunch of Death Eaters.” He juts his chin at Regulus, as if he’s been the one going on raids killing entire families. 

“Well it’s not my side anymore now, is it?” Regulus retorts, putting as much spite as he can in his words.

They glare at each other, Potter breaks eye contact first, leaving the sunroom and Regulus with an uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach.

━━━

Friday 1st of September 1972

He’s standing in his new dormroom, it feels cold even with the heat coming out of the fireplace. He wants to go find Sirius, to feel less cold, less alone. He makes his bed, then removes the bed linens and does it again, folding each corner of the sheets, smoothing it over with his hand several times. He sets his wand on the nightstand, parallel to his book. Neat, tidy. He can feel his mother’s hand on his shoulder, he imagines her leaning close to his ear, “Neat, Regulus. Tidy, Regulus. Stand straight, Regulus.” she’s there, always there, reminding him of what he needs to do, how, when,... This is the first time that he will sleep somewhere else, away from his home. He’s excited but terrified. 

He hasn’t met his roommates yet, the two other beds are empty but there are trunks at each end of them. Regulus has tried to guess their names from the initials he could spot on them but so far he hasn’t come up with anything. He gets back to unpacking, hangs each robe up in his dresser, unfolds, then refolds his sweaters. Neat, tidy.  

The door opens and two other boys waltz in, laughing. Regulus tenses up, he recognizes one of them distantly from the parties his mom has given in Grimmauld, he thinks his name is Rose ? Roser ? He thinks they might be distantly related… The other boy, he doesn’t recognize. Regulus stands awkwardly next to his bed, hands clasped behind his back, waiting to be noticed. Staying quiet, invisible. Stand straight, Regulus.

The boy he somewhat recognized sees him first, elbowing the other one so he pays attention to Regulus as well.

“Hello,” he says, coming to stand before him, his posture just as straight as Regulus’, “I’m Evan Rosier. You are Regulus Black, right ? I think we’ve met before at one of your mother’s events.”

He is handsome, with hair shorter than Regulus, blond and curling ever so slightly at the end. He has kind eyes. But Regulus knows better. “Every person you meet is a potential ally for the future, Regulus. Do not make friends, make good connections.”. He can hear Walburga dictating his every thought. Regulus is starring, he knows he takes too long to answer when the two other boys share an awkward look. He barrates himself for not reacting properly, the way he should. He knows how to do this, just extend your hand , he thinks to himself. 

“Yes, I think so, I mean— yes— My name is Regulus, I think we’ve met before.” he turns to the other boy, expectantly.

“I’m Bartemius Crouch Junior.” He flashes a smile that looks maybe a bit unhinged, one of his canines is chipped. He is taller than the two of them with brown mousy hair.

“It’s nice to meet you, Bartemius.”

“Bartemius is my dad, call me Barty, all my friends do!”

Oh. Oh . Friends ? Regulus has never had any of those. Well, not if you count Sirius, but he’s pretty sure people don’t count their brother as their friend. “ Do not make friends, make good connections.”.

“Your brother is Sirius Black, right ? He’s so cool!”

Right on cue , thinks Regulus. One day, he hopes someone will know him as just Regulus Black, not Regulus, Sirius’ little brother.

“Hum, yes, he’s my brother.” he answers curtly. He is not Sirius, he is not cool, he is not the interesting Black, he knows all of that, and they will probably know it as well, soon enough. 

But then, instead of the conversation continuing about his brother and his exploits in school at the mere age of thirteen, Barty asks:

“Have you guys heard of the Shrieking Shack ? I can’t wait to be in third year to go to Hogsmeade and check it out!”

“Oh yeah, I heard it’s haunted by some really angry ghost, someone who was murdered or something! But what I really want to do is try out for Quidditch! How about you, Regulus ?”

They prattle on, asking him about his views on things, what he likes,... They don’t make fun of him, they don’t compare him to Sirius. He can feel his shoulders relax, the voice of his mother quieter now. He realizes where he is, the possibilities. Regulus is happy, he smiles, he laughs. He’s making friends, not connections. 

━━━

Saturday 28th of June1980

Since Potter has pointed it out, Regulus has been paying more attention to his brother when he interacts with Remus. It’s… odd. He knows his brother maybe better than he knows himself, he knows the masks he wears around people, he knows the way he manipulates to get his way, knows the disdain with which he looks at people that are inferior to him. He doesn’t do it with Remus. He looks at Remus the same way he looks at Regulus. Well, not exactly the same, but there’s care in his eyes. He seems more delicate, more careful around him, he weighs his words, talks without flourish, his aristocratic drawl gone.

Regulus has also noticed the deterioration of Remus during the past couple of days. He seems more emaciated but is eating considerably more weirdly enough, he looks sick, tired. He’s seen him snap at Potter when he asked him for help with the muggle coffee machine (honestly, Regulus doesn’t understand what Potter’s deal is, he had it figured out after a couple of days staying at the Cottage…). 

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Regulus waits until the 28th, then in the afternoon, he finds Sirius in their bedroom.

“I have two questions for you” he says, sitting on the bed while Sirius is writing in his journal.

“Shoot.”

“One: how long have you been fucking Lupin ? And two: how long has he been a werewolf?”

The point of his pencil cracks on the page and Sirius’ eyes snap up to his. Regulus is smiling, his brother has never been good at hiding his emotions from him, and he just confirmed both his suspicions with one look. It takes him a second to regain composure before he tries to lie. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about, really.” 

“Oh come off it, tu crois que je suis aveugle ? You practically worship the ground he walks on, even Potter has noticed something.”

A sigh, then Sirius shuts his journal, setting it back on the nightstand. “Ok. First of all, I am not fucking Lupin,...”

“Might not, but you want to.” Regulus interrupts.

“It doesn’t matter what I want or not, nothing is happening between us. Now about the second thing…” He rubs his face, looking torn. “Normally I’d tell you to go ask him yourself but I’m assuming that you already know the answer and that you in fact waited until today to confirm it. Also, bad idea to go ask him yourself, especially today of all days, he’ll bite your head right off.” he says with a chuckle. 

“You talk like you know him. Like you’ve known him for a while.” Regulus sits closer to his brother, “ You have, haven't you ? That’s why we’re here, that’s why you trust him.”

Regulus presses on, “Sirius, we are in danger here. We’re not safe, those people aren’t going to protect us, you’ve heard Dumbeldore and Moody! They think we’re just a mean to an end, they’ll never trust us, just like we can never trust them. Sérieusement, il faut qu’on parte, qu’on s’en aille, loin d’ici avant qu’ils nous trouvent.”

“Reggie. We’re not going anywhere, if you don’t trust them at least trust me.”

“You’re hiding something from me, I know it.”

Sirius doesn’t answer, he just has the ghost of a smile on his face, before he picks his journal back and continues writing.

━━━

James is nervous. Jittery. Although it might be the coffee. He manages to steal a cup from the pot everytime Regulus makes some, the bastard has somehow figured out how the devil machine works. James is sitting on the sofa, eyeing Remus who pretends to be reading. He knows he’s pretending, because he holds the book too high, trying to hide his face. It's ridiculous, as if James doesn’t know all of his tricks after living with him for almost a decade… 

Remus has refused to leave the Cottage for the full moons since he moved in. They used to apparate to Kielder Forest for Moony to run around when Peter was still alive. It was almost like being back in the Forbidden Forest again, minus the dog that used to accompany them— probably a stray from Hogsmeade they had concluded. But then again, Moony hadn’t been the same since they had left school, the wolf seemed more agitated. Still, it used to be their only moment of respite from the war, once a month they could just leave it all behind for the night, just be their animal selves. But now, it’s like Remus is punishing Moony. The full moons are becoming a sort of torture once again as they both stay in the cellar. James is allowed to be with him as Prongs but Moony will howl all night, throw himself against the stone walls, getting more bruises and cuts on top of the ones he inflicts on himself. Prongs has tried to stop him but the wolf will snarl at him and even go as far as to swat at the stag. He knows part of it is because the werewolf mourns their friend as much as Remus does… The pack is no more. 

This month, however, James doesn’t know how they’re going to deal with Remus’ furry little problem, seeing as they have two unexpected guests. He tried to bring it up a couple of days ago, but Remus kept avoiding the subject at all costs. But with the full moon happening tonight, they need a plan. Before he can ask him once and for all what they’re going to do about the situation, Sirius Black strolls into the living room.

“Remus, I…” he stops dead in his tracks, looking at James as if he hadn’t expected him there. Where would he be ? It’s his freaking house after all. James scowls at him for good measure before asking “Can we help you, Black?”.

“Well, I wanted to talk to Remus about… something.”

“A lot of talks about “some things” lately, huh ? Anything you want to share with the rest of us ?” he gestures around the room. James is tired of the hushed conversations, the whispers. He feels excluded, hurt. He knows his best friend is hiding something, and it has to do with Sirius Black, which somehow annoys him more than it should. James is done with the subtle questions, he wants answers. 

“None of your damn business.” Sirius answers dryly.

“It’s my house, so it’s my fucking business!”

Regulus comes in next, probably wondering what the raised voices are all about. Great, an audience, just what they needed. Let’s put on a show then, shall we , James thinks.

“And I feel like you’ve both been getting a bit too comfortable here, honestly.” He can see Regulus scoff but he goes on, anger filling his words as he looks at both Black brothers. They look confused by the sudden outburst but really, they shouldn’t be surprised, James has endured more than two weeks of their drama so far and he’s done.

“I’ll have you know that—” Sirius doesn’t even have the time to add anything to the conversation before he is cut off.

“ENOUGH.” Remus’ voice booms, interrupting the bickering. “Everyone needs to calm the fuck down.” he says, rubbing his temple to probably stop a headache from coming on. 

James snaps his mouth shut, arms crossed over his chest, pouting like a child. He wants to ask so bad, he’s been trying to formulate a way to question Remus about what has been going on between him and Black for a while now. He knows today is certainly not the right time but fuck it, he needs to know, and now. 

“What is going on between you two?” He snaps. 

Remus looks at him, eyebrows furrowed as if not understanding what he is asking exactly. And in a turn of event that James never would have predicted, Regulus chimes in:

“Potter is right, there’s something going on you two are not telling us.”

Sirius shoots a warning look to his brother, they look like they’re communicating telepathically. James is a bit jealous, he never had any siblings and sure, he’s been friends with Remus for a long time, considers him a brother but they cannot talk with just one glance. 

“I don’t know what you’re on about.” Remus answers, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. They might not be related but James can sure as shit tell when Remus is lying, his ears get all red and he tries to hide his hands, usually in his pockets. 

“Funny, that’s exactly what my brother said when I asked him earlier…”

Remus and Sirius look at each other. 

“THERE!” James points to them, “What was that ?! You two are definitely up to something, spit it out, damn it!

Sirius sighs, hand rubbing his face before he says “Might as well.” Remus scowls at him, “What ? We’re going to need their help at some point, you know it.”

“Alright!” Remus exclaims, defeated. “Sirius and I are going to kill Voldemort.”

“HA! As if.” Regulus chuckles, looking at them. “Oh shit, you’re serious.”

“I am.” Sirius raises his hand, Regulus groans. 

Remus sits back down in the arm chair, “We’re going to find out who he is and find his Horcrux. After that, we’ll kill him.” He says it so matter of fact, James' brain takes almost a full minute to analyse and understand his statement.

“And what are we supposed to do in the meantime?” It’s Regulus who shakes himself awake first, pointing at himself and James. “We’ll just wait for you guys here patiently? Play house? Pretend none of this is happening?”

“You need to stay hidden, and this place is as good as any” Sirius’ voice rumbles in his chest, it's low and stern. It feels like they’ve had this conversation before. It makes Regulus recoils ever so slightly but he recovers quickly.

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe I don’t want to be here, locked up with this alcoholic mess?!”

“Hey!” James complains, shaken out of his stupor, hurt by the comment.

“Oh shut up, your drinking is out of control, I’ve only been here less than a month and I’ve seen you down more bottles of fire whisky than the Three Broomstick would sell in a year! You’re a fucking mess most nights.”

It’s James’ turn to recoil. He knows he drinks too much, he’s not stupid. But it numbs him, he gets to forget, to avoid thinking about them. All the ones he’s lost. Mom. Dad. Peter. Marlene. Dorcas. Lily. The baby… They’re all looking at him now, James feels the shame burn his throat, incapable of saying anything else. He can see the guilt and disappointment in Remus’ eyes, the questions in Sirius’ and Regulus,... Well Regulus just looks like he knows he fucked up. James can’t talk about this, he doesn’t want to. Doesn’t have to, in fact, he’s a fucking adult. He takes his jacket and leaves, slamming the door of the Cottage.

━━━

Potter has been gone a few hours now, probably went to drown his sorrows in another bottle, Sirius thinks. The sun is setting and he’s getting more worried for Remus. He assumes Potter still spends the full moons with him but it’s looking like he’ll be missing this one. Sirius is pissed actually, what kind of friend is he, leaving Moony alone tonight? 

He hears noise outside his door, he thinks Regulus is still in the sunroom, he’s been spending a lot of time there since they got to the Cottage, just reading endlessly. So that leaves Remus. Sirius wonders where he goes for the moons. Does he run around in a forest ? Does he go back to Scotland ? He wants to ask, so badly. Suddenly, he feels a surge of courage. Fuck it , he thinks, he can’t let him do this by himself. He gets up, opens the door in one swift movement and finds Remus, fist raised looking like he was about to knock. Heat spreads through his chest. Oh. Oh . Hi there. 

“Hey, I was just coming to—” he gets cut off. 

“Would you—”

“Spend the moon with you ?” He knows it would take an incredible amount of strength for Remus to ask him, so he asks instead. He can see his eyes soften, relieved. Sirius smiles tentatively as Remus nods. They make their way down the corridor, toward the stairs, once down, Sirius heads for the entrance of the Cottage but Remus stops him. 

“No, we’re staying here.”

Sirius scoffs, “What? You’re kidding, right? Where?”

Remus looks embarrassed but raises his arm towards the cellar, as if to say lead the way. Sirius looks at him, he feels sad but tries not to show it, he knows Remus hates it when people pity him. He also knows that Moony loves to run around, he likes to feel the mulchy ground of the forest under his paws, he wants to chase birds, play,... But Sirius doesn’t say anything. He knows that this is an exception, a privilege, he gets to spend a night with him once again for the first time in two years and he is not about to ruin it by saying something stupid.

They get to the subfloor of the Cottage, there’s a large thick wooden door that has been reinforced with extra locks. It closes behind them, Sirius can feel the same wards as in the Shack. The inside is damp and colder than upstairs, there are chains attached to bolts on the floor and Sirius comes to the grim conclusion that Remus has been chaining himself. He feels an itch in the pit of his stomach, he’s angry at Potter for letting Remus do this to himself. 

“Can you put a silencing charm up ? I don’t want Regulus to hear me.” Sirius wants to tell him that his brother knows but now doesn’t seem the right moment, so he obliges. He can feel the nervous energy radiating off of Remus. 

There’s a handle sticking out of the ground in the corner of the room, Sirius realizes as Remus opens it that it’s some sort of safe to keep his belongings in. Remus crouches to open it, setting his wand in it then turning to Sirius he asks “Would you mind turning around?”

It takes him a second to understand the request, “Oh, sorry, of course” he answers sheepishly, a small smile tugging on the corner of his mouth. As if he’s never seen Remus naked…

He hears the rustling of clothes being put off then the closing of the iron trapdoor. 

“Can I—”

“Yes” Remus cut him off. Sirius turns back, he’s sitting on the floor, legs covered by a tattered blanket. He can see the many scars criss crossing his chest, shoulders and arms. There are definitely more than the last time he saw him. He can also spot bruises, old ones, probably from the last moon as they’ve turned a faded yellow.

“You have to— You should chain me, just to make sure.”

Sirius looks at him, he doesn’t want to, he really hates the idea of having Moony chained up in here. But again, he obliges. The moon is coming, he can see the perspiration on Remus brow as he closes his eyes, the light twitches and shakes of his muscles as he tries to focus. He always gets quiet a couple of minutes before, trying to breath through the pain that escalates. Sirius tentatively sits next to him, not too close so he leaves him his space but close enough so that Remus knows he is there and isn’t going anywhere. He wants to reach out and take his hand. There’s a low groan that leaves Remus’ throat and he surges forward. 

“Sirius, you should turn.” he says through clenched teeth, fists firmly planted on his knees, his knuckles turning white. 

Remus lifts his head and their eyes connect for a second. Fuck it , Sirius thinks for the second time tonight and he reaches out for Remus’ hand who takes it, surprisingly. He turns into his animagus form, a shabby black Irish wolfhound, laying down next to Remus and nuzzling into his side. 

Remus seems more comfortable with his dog form, he wraps an arm around him, keeping the focus on his breaths. A few minutes later, the first snap of bones is heard, Sirius can’t help but wince as Remus lets out a howl of pain. The transformation isn’t long per say but it always feels like it takes ages when you can hear him cry out. He can hear each vertebrae popping in and out of place to make room for the wolf, his ribs expanding, his limbs elongating, turning into large paws. All of the sudden, Remus is gone as Moony takes his place. Sirius backs away, head bowed down, whining unsure if he will remember him. Moony sniffs the air, a low growl rumbling in his chest. He turns to Sirius realizing that he is not alone in the room and Sirius immediately flips, belly up, showing that he is no threat to the wolf. Unfortunately, Moony doesn’t seem sure, he tries to get closer to the dog but the chains stop him. He turns his head and snaps his jaw, obviously frustrated as he tugs on his bonds. The chains creak and a second later the metal gives, breaking like they are made of twigs. Sirius whines, trying to convey once again that he is not here to harm him or fight for dominance. There’s a gleam of recognition in Moony’s eyes, he tilts his nose and nudges the dog, whining in return. Slowly, Sirius gets back on all fours, tail wagging slowly and he risks a bark at the wolf. Almost simultaneously, they both play bow, tails in the air, their two front paws flat on the ground in front of them. Just like that, they find each other once again, falling into old habits. For the next few hours, they are all play, the wolf swatting at the dog, the dog running around the wolf… It’s pure bliss. And even though Sirius’ mind isn’t the same as in his human form, he is elated. 

━━━

Sunday 18th of February 1973

Remus is walking back slowly to his common room, he has a bad cut on his calf that hurts every time he takes a step. He wants to get a change of clothes before he goes down to dinner, maybe get a shower to wash away the smell of the infirmary off himself, re-apply some of the ointment that Pomfrey gave him. He is grateful that today is Sunday so he didn't have to miss any lessons at least. 

He makes his way up the stairs to his dormitory, pushing open the door but comes to a stop when he sees James, sitting on the ground, Peter on his bed, worried looks on their face as they spot him. Peter is wringing hands nervously, glancing at James who straightens up. 

“Hey Remus, everything— huh— ok?” 

Remus knows they’ve been hiding something for a few weeks now, he keeps finding them whispering to each other for it to stop every time he sets foot inside their room. He thought it might be a prank, that they would include him at some point so he didn’t push. 

“What’s going on?” he asks warily. They definitely look caught somehow.

James sighs and nods to Peter, as if to say ok, the jig is up. 

“Sooo, hum— Remus.”

“James…?”

“We couldn’t help but notice, Peter and I, that huh— you get sick? Sometimes?”

A cold sweat runs down Remus’ back. No , he thinks.

“I mean, yes, I guess. Doesn’t everyone get sick sometimes?” he says, trying for his tone to sound light. He is not panicking, there’s no need to , he tells himself. 

“Yes, you are right, yes.” James nudges Peter as if to ask for help. At that, Peter makes a strange squeaky noise before he adds:

“But— Every month?”

Remus’ stomach drops. Oh no . His mind starts reeling. That’s it, he’s getting expelled, he’ll never come back to Hogwarts again. It’s over, they know. Panic must be visible on his face, because James catches his wrist. It seems that Remus has taken a step back and hadn’t noticed.

“Wait, Remus, wait—”

“I’ll start packing, I’ll— I’ll leave, I just need to go see McGonagall, or the headmaster—”

“No!” Peter gets up, making his way towards Remus slowly, as if he’s scared. Of course he’s scared , Remus thinks. James hasn’t let go of his wrist yet, he tugs down so Remus will sit across from him, Peter coming closer to sit with them.

“You don’t have to pack, you don’t have to go anywhere, we won’t tell anyone.”

Remus doesn’t understand. He looks from James to Peter, to James once more. 

“We actually think— it’s kind of cool ?” Peter adds, “We’re roommates with a dark creature!”

James elbows him in the ribs and hisses “Don’t call him that!”, he turns back to Remus “What Peter is trying to say is that it doesn’t matter what happens to you once a month, you’re still our friend and always will be.”

Remus is stunt, “So you don’t care that I’m a… a werewolf ? That I’m dangerous ?”

James grins and takes his hand “You’re no less dangerous than Peter here when we wake him at six o’clock in the morning!”

“Oï!” Peter exclaims, grabbing for a pillow on his bed and hitting James over the head with it. 

James snickers and Remus smiles at him.

“Sooo… Do you get, like, furry and everything?” Peter asks excitedly.

“Oh yeah and how big are your teeth ? How does it feel to have a tail ?” James chimes in. 

Remus laughs, actually and truly laughs, the kind take comes from your belly and you cannot stop it from escaping. Both boys just look at him expectantly, just curious to know all there is to know about Remus’ monthly transformation. He answers what he can, explaining that he isn’t fully conscious when he turns, as if his mind takes the back seat, the wolf coming forward. He confesses that it gives him extra abilities like a super sense of smell and hearing, to the point where he can listen to people’s heartbeats if he focuses. He skips over the questions about his scars and the pain, not wanting to share the darker side of it. 

That evening, when Remus gets into bed, he feels lighter, if not teary eyed. He loves his friends so much more now that they know and accept him for who he is. He never could have imagined he could have this, people close to him who would understand him, not fear him like his father had said. He can’t help but smile in the darkness before falling asleep.

━━━

Sunday 29th of June 1980

James knows he fucked up when he wakes up on the bathroom floor. There’s a puddle of drool (or is it vomit ?) next to his cheek on the cold tile. He vaguely remembers coming home after a bender at a muggle bar and hugging the toilet for the rest of the night. He gets up, slowly because his back and his head are killing him, he is suddenly seized with clarity as he remembers what yesterday was.

“Shit.” he curses himself aloud, regretting it immediately as he can somehow hear the echo of his own voice in his head. Too loud , he thinks, hand bracing against his temple. 

He opens the bathroom door, rushing down the stairs, almost tripping. The sun has risen so there’s no risk for him to go down to the cellar and be faced with Moony. He gets to the door, undoing the wards that keep his friend safely locked in, it clicks open and James steps inside only to freeze at the sight in front of him: the chains are broken, there’s a naked Remus laying on the floor, he seems alright, no fresh wounds or bruises. But the most alarming is the big black dog curled up against his chest, Remus has an arm around him, his head resting on his fur. The sound of the door opening seems to have awakened the dog because he lifts his chin staring James down. The next thing he knows, the dog morphs into a very smug looking Sirius Black.

“Top of the mornin’ to ya, Potter!”

Chapter Text

Thursday 3rd of July 1980

They’ve been avoiding each other for a few days now, or rather, James has been avoiding him. They didn’t really get the chance to have a proper conversation after he found him and Sirius the morning after the full moon. He knows James must be confused. He’s angry at himself for feeling like he had no other choice but to ask Sirius for help, he couldn’t stand going through a full moon by himself. Remus doesn’t want to owe anything to Sirius. He feels torn because he woke up feeling better than he had in months if not years. Granted, he was still sore, tired and in pain because let’s be honest, the transformation always had and will be atrocious. But he felt lighter, and that shouldn’t be the case, he doesn’t want it to be. 

But for the time being, he needs to put these thoughts aside. They have another Order meeting, and this time they’re taking James and Regulus with them. James hasn’t been to a meeting since Peter’s death but after the other day’s revelation, he’s asked to come along. Sirius thought taking Regulus would be a good idea, seeing as a few Order members had questions concerning the veracity of the claims that were made by them both at the last meeting.

They apparate with resounding cracks between the dunes behind Shell Cottage. Regulus is sticking close to his brother as they enter and make their way to the living space where furniture has been pushed aside. An assortment of transfigured chairs have been disposed in a circle to accommodate the majority of the Order. Remus slips past a nervous looking James to the open kitchen where Gideon is pouring out cups of tea for his guests. 

“Gid.” He nods, grabbing for one.

“Rem.” Gideon answers, smirking in his cup as he looks at Sirius over the brim of the mug. “I see that he’s still shooting daggers at me?” he teases. 

Remus turns, leaning against the kitchen counter and gazing in the direction of the Black brothers, spotting Sirius who is indeed glaring at Gideon.

“D’you reckon lover boy over there knows we had a thing ?” he asks. 

Remus snorts “Is that what we’re calling it ?” he asks, quirking an eyebrow “Yeah, I reckon he does know somehow.”

“Well you might have not called it a thing, I wanted more than a thing,... Semantics.” Gideon turns to Remus, looking fondly at him. “All water under the bridge anyway, love.” he says, doing a small swiping motion with his thumb on Remus’ chin. He knows the gesture is meant to antagonize Sirius, Remus smiles a bit brighter than he should. He’s allowed some mischief.

The meeting starts as soon as Moody and their old headmaster join them. Dumbledore hasn’t been known to make many appearances but he apparently thought it would be important to be present for this one. Many are making furtive glances at both brothers which makes Regulus retrieve even more into himself, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. Moody starts bringing everyone up to speed for those who weren’t there last meeting, and all eyes are now shifting between him and the Black brothers. Sirius is standing with his arms crossed, clearly giving off a vibe that he would rather be anywhere else. When Moody is done explaining the situation, Remus steps forward, clearing his throat.

“Sirius and I have decided to go look for the Horcrux.”

There’s a beat of silence during which a few of them exchange worried looks, then the room breaks in whispers. Remus looks at Dumbledore, challenging him to say anything. He has done quite a few missions for the Order so far, every time it had something to do with tracking the werewolves packs that are loyal to Voldemort and he knows that the ultimate goal was for him to infiltrate them. Unfortunately, he hasn’t been able to establish a connection yet and it is proving quite difficult, seeing as those packs are tightly knit and wouldn’t just take random strangers in. He figures Dumbledore might not appreciate losing his one asset that could bring them information on that front. 

But the old man stays silent, just looking at him, as if calculating behind his half moon spectacles the cost of their endeavor. Remus hates the fact that he’d seen the man as a father figure at some point in his younger years. Although it’s only fitting that he would rebel now.

“Lupin, you have nothing to go on so far, how do you expect to find that Horcrux ?” Benjy Fenwick asks. Remus has gone on a couple of watches with him, guarding some shops in Diagon, he’s nice enough. 

“We’ll use my connections, and my brother here will keep on researching further into it, we managed to steal a consequential amount of volumes from the private Black library.” Sirius answers for him, a few people nodding along with the suggestion.

“You mean your Death Eater connections? Have we all forgotten what these two are? What’s to say we can trust you lot anyway?” Amelia Bones asks, eyes scanning Sirius and Regulus. 

“What’s to say we can trust you lot?” he shoots back. “It’s not like we have a choice, either of us, anyway. It’s in all of our interests to have this war over with, and if this can be it, if this can shift the balance, why the fuck wouldn’t we take that chance?”

There’s a startling bark of laughter, Remus turns to see it comes from James. “It’s “ we ” now, huh?” he practically spits, “A month in my house and that’s it, it erases all the atrocities you’ve committed, you’re just part of the Order ?! And you ?!” he says, now shifting his attention to Dumbledore, “You’re just going to let this happen ? You’re not going to do anything?” 

There’s so much rage in James’ words, Remus can smell and feel the prickle of emotional magic that’s emanating from him. Dumbledore’s expression is unchanging, once again. 

“My dear boy, we have all lost people to this horrendous war. Unfortunately, we cannot spare more manpower on a mission that might not bring anything when the information cannot be verified. However, I will not stand in the way of Mr Lupin and Mr Black if they want to search for this Horcrux.”

“Figures.” James glares at him, knuckles turning white as he clenches his hands into fists at his side. “When it comes to sending fucking kids to their deaths, you’re an expert.” he says, simultaneously as every cup in his vicinity explodes, a burst of accidental magic finally making its way out of James. Not a second after, he storms out of the cottage. 

Remus knew it was a bad idea, bringing James to an Order meeting. He of course couldn’t predict that this was how it was going to end up but he knew it would bring up some pain he’s been trying to bury deep with the help of alcohol. If Remus is honest, he also blames Dumbledore and Moody for the death of their friend Peter. But none of this can bring him back. What he can do though is fight, find the Horcrux and destroy Voldemort. 

“As we were saying, we’ll be leaving at the end of the month, we still have a few things to prepare.. If you have anything, any information that could help us, please, share it.” Remus hates having to ask, practically beg. And he knows the answer will not be what he wants before it’s even uttered. 

“We wish you luck on your mission.” Dumbledore answers. A dry laugh escapes Sirius’ mouth, Remus narrows his eyes at the old man, not surprised. 

“Very well.”

And with that, they leave the meeting, disapparating just outside the door.  

━━━

Monday 16th of July 1973

Lyall Lupin comes home from work decisively angry. He’s muttering something about legislations and permits as he practically throws his work robes onto a chair in their dining room. Remus is trying not to pay attention to him, the full moon was yesterday and he still feels like shit. There’s a new scar on his face, he hates it when the wolf hurts him where people can see. He’s sitting on the window sill, reading a book that Lily lent him about King Arthur and his knights of the Round Table. He’s reading the part about Arthur’s wife, Guinevere, and Lancelot who ends up falling in love with her when his dad starts yelling after his wife. Remus clenches his teeth, his head hurts and even from here, he can smell the alcohol coming off his father, it clings to his skin. After Lyall has called multiple times after Hope, he turns to his son and asks rather harshly “Where the fuck is your mother?!”

Remus sighs, turning the page of his book, his eyes not leaving it as he answers “It’s Monday, she’s having tea with her friends in town for their book club thing.”

Lyall makes a grunting noise as he goes to settle in his favorite armchair. His mother has wanted to get rid of the old tattered thing for years now but Lyall just loves to park his ass in it and guzzle beer after beer, the only muggle thing he enjoys apart from his wife (at least that’s what Remus assumes). 

“And when is she gracing us back with her presence ?” he says, sarcastically. 

“I don’t know, I am not her keeper.” Remus answers, exasperated. 

Lyall’s head snaps up to Remus, eyebrows furrowed, mouth twisted in anger as he says “Do not speak to me with that tone, boy.”

Boy . Oh how Remus hates it when his father calls him that. It’s never “ son ” or even his name, it’s always “ boy ”. As if Remus is a stranger to him. Remus hates it, in fact he hates his father. He makes him feel it by glaring at him with as much strength as he can muster. There's a plate with trinkets on the coffee table in front or where his father is sitting, it starts to shake but his father doesn’t notice. 

“I don’t know how long she will be.” he says next, through gritted teeth.

Lyall is still staring at him, annoyed. “Well she better hurry, I’m starving.” He stumbles on his way to the kitchen, Remus can hear him open up the fridge and go for a can of lager. He rolls his eyes, muttering “fucking drunk” under his breath. That was a mistake. His eyes were still downcast on the page, his book high enough so he could hide his face behind it. He hadn’t heard Lyall making his way back in the living space. The slap is swift, coming out of nowhere really. His book slams onto the floor and he is left breathless from the sting of his father’s palm on his cheek. It’s not that Lyall is often violent per say, not with his hands at least. It barely happens if Remus is honest. The majority of the time, it’s his words that hurt. So he hadn’t expected it.

“This is my house and you will respect me.” Lyall practically spits at him, his eyes are wild. Monster. Remus can practically read it in his father’s mind, in the subtext of his words.

Remus gets up after picking up his book, his father is still taller than him but not by much, he reckons that by next summer, he’ll be the same height if not taller. He cannot wait for it. He holds his head high, mouth set in a line, using all of his strength not to talk back to him but he can feel the echo of the wolf clawing at his insides, telling him to rip his face off. He climbs the stairs two steps at the time to get to his bedroom faster, once in, he throws himself on his bed and screams as hard as his lungs will allow him in his pillow. The glass on his nightstand explodes, shards of it getting all over the floor and bedding. Some of them cut him but he doesn’t care, what’s a few more scars? He wishes he could disappear, he wishes he could be somewhere else where he doesn’t see the disgust in his father’s eyes, the pity in his mother’s. He wishes he was with James and Peter right now. He goes to his desk, picks up some parchment and a quill and starts drafting a letter to James. 

Hi James, 

We’re only two weeks in and all I want is for this summer to end. I can’t wait to see you guys in Diagon in August. The moon yesterday was difficult and I got a new scar to prove it, unfortunately… How is Peter ? Are you guys doing anything special ? I bet you’re just flying and training for the Quidditch trials next year, huh ? Miss you both. 

Remus

He sneaks out of his room through his window and gets to the outdoor bird aviary where their owl resides. He’s a small pygmy owl, an adorable speckled thing by the name of Ollie (Remus was young when he named him, so not the most original name). He attaches the parchment to his leg, and instructs him to get to the Potter’s. Remus watches the owl soar through the sky, wishing he could do the same. He figures it’ll take maybe a couple of days for James to answer, he’s never been good at keeping up with correspondence. 

He gets back to the house, through the back door into the kitchen and peaks out to see his father passed out in his disgusting armchair. Good, Remus thinks. He grabs the phone attached to the kitchen wall, dials up the number and stretches the cord as far as it’s willing to go, sitting on the steps on the outside porch. After a few tones, a girl picks up.

“Evans Residence, who is it?”

“Hum, hi, can I speak to Lily ?” Remus asks, fidgeting with the cord around his fingers. 

“It’s rude not to introduce yourself on the phone first, you know?” Remus rolls his eyes at that, guessing he’s speaking to Lily’s sister, Petunia. “LILYYYYYYYYYY”  he has to hold the receiver away from his ear, he feels like her screeching has burst his eardrum. There are a few seconds of background conversation then some clicky sounds as he assumes the phone is being passed from one sister to the other. 

“Hello?”

“Lily, hi, it’s Remus.” he already feels lighter just hearing her voice. 

“Remus, hi ! How are you? How’s your summer been so far?”

They chat for a while about Lily’s plans, their expectations for next year’s courses and what Remus is currently reading.

“I don’t get it Lily, this bloke could get any girl yet, he goes for the wife of King Arthur ? Listen to this: “My lady," said Lancelot, "nothing you wish can be a burden to me. I am wholly subject to your will, even if it means no less than happiness; and I'll endure whatever you like, because my fulfillment can only come through you." I mean that’s so sad, he will never be truly happy.”

“But he says it right there: “my fulfillment can only come through you” , he doesn’t need happiness, he’s fulfilled with what they have, that’s so romantic!”

“That’s gobshite.” he says with a chuckle. He can hear some noise in the background, it sounds like Lily’s mom calling after her. 

“Oh Remus, I have to go, we’re about to have dinner. Will I see you in Diagon before the term starts ?”

They make plans to meet up before she hangs up and Remus is left a bit empty. He imagines Lily and her family having a normal dinner all together, talking, enjoying each other’s company. He can only dream of this. There’s a light breeze ruffling his hair, and he watches birds flying low in the distance. 

As a small kid, Remus always liked how secluded his house was, he loved running around in the tall grass during the summer, climbing up the old oak tree, balancing himself on the dry stone walls surrounding the edge of their property,... Now being at the age that he is, he understands the reason why they moved here almost ten years ago, in the middle of rural Wales. It’s always been about control with Lyall and it always will be. Isolate Remus, isolate his mother, isolate themselves from everything and everyone. He hates the quiet now. Remus daydreams about moving to a busy city like London, with constant noise, smells, people,... A place where he can be whomever he wants to be, the perfect anonymity that comes with living in a metropolis. He can’t wait. 

━━━

Sunday 20th of July 1980

“We’re done discussing it, Regulus.” Sirius goes around him, bag in hand. Regulus bites his cheek. He wants to cry out in frustration but knows that throwing a tantrum will get him nowhere at this point. He just doesn’t want his brother to leave. He doesn’t want to be left, here, alone with James fucking Potter for him to babysit. With a huff, he goes to the sunroom, the only bearable room for him  to be in, in this house. He’s surprised to see Lupin sitting in his wicker deckchair (well technically not but he's claimed it so that’s that), a book in hand. Now Regulus is just standing there like an idiot. He tries to walk back but is stopped by the same person he’s trying to avoid. 

“You know Regulus, your brother is right. This is the safest place for you, whether you like it or not.” Lupin’s eye keeps scanning the volume he’s holding.  

“Well it’s a good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion now, is it?” he can’t help but bite back. After all, it's also Lupin’s fault that they’re leaving. 

The man looks up then, eyes gleaming with something Regulus cannot place. “I’m just saying, we need your help as well and for that you need to be safe. We’ve set a Fidelius charm on the house, just in case, but you guys will be fine. James has a two way mirror, we have the other one so we can communicate if you learn anything that can help us. Listen, I know that this is a less than ideal situation, I know that you did not want to be a part of this. But Regulus, Sirius is trying his utter best to help you both, to protect you and keep you alive. And James… He needs someone to look after him, he’s a fucking wreck.”

“And that’s my job how exactly ?!” Regulus can feel his temper flare up. He wants to tell them all to fuck off. He feels trapped. And what if they’re not fine ? Lupin and his brother have no clue where they’re going or what they’ll do, or even how long this will take!

Remus looks at him with a lopsided smile. “You two really are brothers, I forget sometimes.”

Regulus hums, pouting still, kicking invisible dirt with his shoe. He honestly is tired, he just wants it all to be done already. He feels like the only sane one in this whole damn cottage. 

Remus gets up with a deep sigh, his joints creaking like an old man’s. He stops when he reaches Regulus in the doorway and sets a hand on his shoulder in what was probably meant as a comforting gesture but all it does is make Regulus flinch. Remus’ hand hovers now in the air where his shoulder was, and even though he’s trying to hide it, Regulus can see the sad look on his face. 

“Give James a chance, he might surprise you.” Remus walks on out of the room, turning around at the last second “And Regulus ?”

Regulus glances back over his shoulder.

“If you can’t trust any of us, trust Sirius. You of all people should know how stubbornly he tends to keep his promises.”

━━━

Since his mother passed away, James had let her garden run wild. He remembers being around six years old, seeing her with her hands in the dirt, planting different herbs and vegetables, wondering why she wasn’t using her magic and doing everything with her hands. She used to tell him that what came out of her garden would heal people and feed her family, in short, she poured love into it and love would come out of it. That’s why she preferred using her hands, she wanted to feel the love make its way through the tips of her fingers and into the dirt. James feels like all the love that was put in the garden is gone, in fact it left the moment his mother did. 

When he woke the day after the last full moon, having missed it because he got drunk, he felt incredibly guilty for leaving Remus alone. Or so he thought. Discovering that Sirius Black had in fact been the shaggy black dog they had spent countless nights with during their school time had been a shocking revelation, one that sobers you up instantly. He hasn’t had a meaningful conversation with Remus since. Neither has he had a drink. He struggles with anger as well as guilt because surely, his best friend knew about Sirius. So he chose not to tell James, and that feels painful, because he thought there were no secrets between them.

He stands now, tools in hand, staring at the disheveled garden before him. He knows things need to change, he needs to do something, take action. And this feels like the right thing. So he pulls weeds, mows the patches of lawn, turns the earth, making it ready for seeds. He pours love into all of it, like his mother used to. It feels good to get his hands dirty, to not use magic to do this. It keeps the slight tremble of his hands away, focuses his mind, he’s able to take full breaths without feeling the usual constriction in his chest. This is the beginning of healing. 

After working all morning and part of the afternoon, a shadow appears above him. James braces his hand over his forehead, squinting to try to see who it is. 

“I need my wand.”

James gets up, brushing his hands on his pants as he comes face to face with Sirius. 

“I need my wand,” he repeats, “we’re leaving tonight.”

James frowns, “Tonight, really?”

“My wand, Potter. Remus said you hid mine and Regulus’. You should also give his back. I think we’ve proven ourselves enough.”

James grumbles, making his way to the garden shed reaching inside for the shelf above the door and grabbing both wands, handing them back to Sirius. He eyes him for a second longer than James is comfortable with, squirming a bit under his gaze. 

“You haven’t drank in a while.”

James is a bit taken aback, he had no idea he was under scrutiny from the eldest Black.

“That’s good. I need you to know, Potter,” all of the sudden, Sirius’ wand is pointed right under James’ chin and he already regrets giving it back to him, “Regulus is and always has been my number one priority. So you better make sure nothing happens to him while we’re gone. If any harm comes to him, I will chase you till the ends of the earth to make you pay for your part in it. Are we clear?”

James swallows, mouth suddenly dry but he keeps his eyes on Sirius as he answers with less confidence than he’d hoped “Yes, we’re clear.”. He hesitates, then adds “But the same goes for you with Remus.”, his voice a bit less confident than he would’ve wanted to sound. 

Sirius chuckles, a wry smile on his face as he turns around and strolls back inside. 

James can’t help but feel sad about Remus leaving. He honestly doesn’t want to be stuck with Regulus Black in his house, he’s mean every time they interact and James doesn’t know what he did to deserve it. He also has no clue how long they plan on leaving for, but he doubts they do either. It’s too many uncertainties. The calm he’d felt while taking care of his mother’s garden is slowly being replaced by anxiety. He calls for Tilly and the elf appears a second later with an audible pop. 

“You called Mr Potter, sir?”

“Yes Tilly, could you please get some provisions ready for two people? Some non-perishables, things that travel well. And anything else you might think of that might be useful.”

“Are you going on a trip, sir?”

“No, but Remus is.” he answers with a sad smile. 

“Are you okay, sir?” Tilly could always see right through him, after all she’s known him since birth. The Potters have always considered her as part of the family and have treated her as such. His parents have always insisted on paying her a wage and James has kept on doing so. Honestly, James would not survive if it wasn’t for the elf’s constant care for him. “Tilly noticed you started working in Ms’ garden. That makes Tilly happy, sir, it’s a good thing. Does it make you sad?”

James sniffs, rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. “Yeah, no, I’m— I’m okay, Tilly. Thank you so much for your help, truly.” he says, looking down at her fondly.

She smiles back, “It’s my pleasure, sir, truly.” she answers with a wink. She disapparates leaving James with his thoughts. He looks around and decides to head back inside to find Remus. He doesn’t want to leave things the way they are before he goes on their hunt for the Horcrux. He steps in the kitchen to go wash his hands and nearly bumps head first into Regulus. 

“Watch where you’re fucking going, Potter!” He’s holding out a cup of coffee and has spilled some on the floor.

“Merlin, you Blacks are in a good mood today.” He says, watching Regulus pull out his wand and vanishing the mess on the floor. He can see a small flicker of satisfaction in his eyes, he probably missed using magic , James thinks.

Regulus regards him for a second after and James notices that he doesn't have the same eyes as his brother’s, his are a stormy blue instead as opposed to the steely gray of Sirius’. 

“So, they’re leaving tonight.” Regulus pulls him out of his thoughts with what sounds more like a statement than a question. 

“Yes, Sirius told me…”

“I still think this is a ridiculous idea.”

“I think it’s the first time we agree on something. I don’t know about your brother but Remus is awfully stubborn when he gets an idea in his head.” James thinks he sees the ghost of a smile on Regulus’ face, he hadn’t expected it, it’s so surprising that he isn’t even sure it was really there in the first place. 

“Yes, well they have that in common.”

James hums. It occurs to him that this might be the first time they’ve had a civil conversation, if you forget the first part of it. It’s almost pleasant. He goes for the sink, running the tap to clean his hand, making sure to get all the dirt from under his nails. 

“Your nose.”

James glances over his shoulder, eyebrows knitted together. “My— what ? My nose?”

He goes to touch his face, but Regulus is faster, casting a Scurgify on it before James can even graze his nose. 

“You had dirt on it.” he says, matter of factly. This time, James is sure, one corner of Regulus’ mouth tugs up to form a smile, a real one. James is then left alone, looking out the window, to his mother’s garden and he thinks yes, this is a good thing. 

He finds Remus in his room, he’s darting about the place, packing some stuff in a bag. James hovers awkwardly at the entrance, clearing his throat to get his friend’s attention. 

“All packed up?”

“Just about…” There’s silence between them where there never usually was. They’ve always had things to talk about, to laugh about. Now it feels like there’s a chasm between them, one that keeps getting bigger everyday that passes, the longer they don’t talk about the obvious. 

“Listen, Moony—”

“James, I’m—”

They both start at the same time, a smile forming on their faces as they look at each other, knowing that they both want to resolve this before Remus’ departure. 

“You go first.” James concedes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sirius. But it didn’t feel like my place to tell you about it.”

“I’m sorry I missed the full moon, it was shitty of me. But what I can’t figure out is why he would do something like this? Why would he become an animagus and hang with us in school? And why didn’t you tell me ?”

“I— I can’t really explain everything, James. But you should know that there was never any malice behind it. And I’m not mad about you missing a moon, honestly. I know you’ve been dealing with a lot. I worry, you know. I feel like we haven’t been able to properly talk in so long. I’ve tried to give you some space because I felt like you needed it.”

“I’m sorry you’ve been worrying, Moony.” James can feel his eyes burn, his throat tightens. “I’m okay, I’m trying to be at least. I’ve huh— I’ve started working in Mom’s garden. It helps, you know? I think it’s good, I can focus on that for a bit. I also haven't had a drink since the last moon. I’ve wanted to, badly, especially after that fucking Order meeting last time…”

“That’s— That’s really great, Prongs.” Remus smiles and goes for James. They hug, the first time in a while and James can feel himself melt into it as he breathes the familiar smell of his best friend. 

“You’ll be safe, promise?” he says to him, his voice muffled in Remus’ shoulder.

“I promise.” 

That night, when both men leave the cottage, James is left with a foreboding feeling. He cannot quite place it but when he turns to look at Regulus who’s standing next to him, he can see it reflected back in his eyes.

Chapter Text

Thursday 23rd of August 1973

Sirius tries to keep up as his father takes long strides, the heel of his dragonhide shoes clicking on the marble floor. They turn towards the elevators, a golden cage that fills up so fast, Sirius feels claustrophobic, half a dozen witches and wizards crowding his space. They’re dressed in robes of different colors, they’re either holding stacks of papers or briefcases. He sees his father shake another man’s hand, exchanging whispers with serious looks on their faces. The elevator starts jerking sideways, he can feel his stomach lurch as it then drops, pinging and stopping every now and then, announcing the different floors.

“Level 2: Wizengamot Administration Services” a soft voice declares. His father steps out and Sirius keeps close to him. They make their way through a double doorway, coming up to a counter where a prissy looking witch is sitting behind it, a stack of paper so high next to her it looks like it might crush her if it was to tumble.

“Tell Lord Nott that Lord Black is here to see him.” he says to her without so much as a greeting. The young woman jumps off her chair and scurries to an office a bit further. 

A few seconds pass before an old looking tall man comes striding out. As he reaches them, he extends a hand, shaking his father’s rather forcefully. 

“Cantankerus”, his father nods.

“Orion.” the man nods back.

“I hope all is well with Violet?”

“Oh yes, very well, the same for your lovely wife, Walburga?”

“Indeed, yes.” his father straightens, one hand on his lapel, the other in the pocket of his robes. “I take it you’ve had time to look over the new legislation proposition?” The previous false sympathy in his voice is gone as he adds “It would be very beneficial for us as for our friend if it passed, don’t you agree, Cantankerus?”

“Yes of course,” there’s a certain gleam in the man’s eye as he goes to pat Orion’s arm in false sympathy. “You most certainly have my vote, Orion.”

“Good to hear.” his father answers, a satisfied smirk on his lips. He clears his throat, “My son, heir of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, Sirius.”

It’s his turn to straighten out as the Lord Nott regards him, probably trying to gauge if he’ll one day do as good of a job as his father.

“A pleasure, Sirius.” he says with a small bow of the head.

“The pleasure is mine, sir.”

After another exchange of pretend niceties, he and his father take their leave. As they walk through the dark corridors of the Ministry, Orion uses the opportunity to teach his son a lesson.

“Good connections are important, Sirius.” he says in a stern voice, “Without them, you’d get nowhere. But do not forget who we are and who they are. Some families might think they are as important as ours but all they want is to be close to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Make connections, not friends.”

Sirius hesitates a second but presses on, “But you talked about a friend you and Lord Nott had in common.”

His father halts abruptly and Sirius tenses. He likes his father best, he does not hurt him as much as his mother does. Orion is tall and imposing, he still instills fear in his children but he rarely gets violent with them, as if he thinks it is beneath him to do so, he prefers to leave it to his wife.

“The friend I was referring to is just another good connection” he says, bending slightly to look his son in the eyes. Sirius nods in understanding. 

“I hear you tend to spend more time alone or with your brother at school rather than with your classmates?” he asks suddenly, straightening his posture once again. The question takes Sirius by surprise. He knows Slytherin is basically a giant gossip mill, all students writing back to their parents, spying on each other. Still, he doesn’t know why it would matter who he hangs out with. His father, though, cares.

“I will not get into details about this with you as I believe it is too soon and you are too young but you should already be making good connections, Sirius. You mother and I expect you to, it is important for your future. It isn’t becoming of a young man of your standing not to mingle with your fellow students.”

“Oui, Papa.”

“But never forget, Sirius. Toujours Pur.”

“Oui, Papa.”

━━━

Sunday 20th of July 1980

The front door swings open and Horace Slughorn stands there, looking around at what he thinks is an empty space. They’ve borrowed Potter’s invisibility cloak, honestly an impressive bit of magic if Sirius is honest. His father had one, but it wasn’t the real thing like this one. He shoves his old head of house who stumbles backwards inside the foyer. Remus rips the cloak off of them and goes to close the door.

“Mr B—Black? What is the meaning of this, what are you doing here?” he sputters from the ground, crawling backwards as Sirius crouches in front of him, wand aimed at his chest. 

“Hello Professor! We’ve come to have a little chat. Would you be a darling and make a spot of tea?”

Slughorn looks at him in disbelief, then at Remus, trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together, which he obviously cannot. Remus doesn’t seem to have the patience, he grabs the professor by the arm and yanks him up, throwing him to head down the corridor. 

They make it to a small sitting room, the professor is guided to an armchair as Sirius looks around and spots Slughorn’s “hall of fame”, a series of photographs of his most beloved and successful students arranged on a grand piano. 

“Oh, there I am!” he says, pointing at a picture of him attending a Slug Club soirée. “And here’s our little Reggie.”

“I— I don’t understand, why are you here?” Sirius turns to the old man, he seems to be shaking a bit, probably afraid that Sirius has succumbed to the famous old Black madness.

“We need your help with something, Professor.” Remus is sitting across from him, elbows resting on his knees as he leans forward, wand still pointing at him. “We’re looking for someone, an old student of yours. Might have even made Slug Club at some point. We estimated that he would have attended Hogwarts in the forties, might have had some rather radical ideas about certain things,...” Remus trails off as he sees Slughorn blanche a little.

Sirius comes closer to sit on the arm of the sofa next to Remus, nervous anticipation gathering in his stomach “Do you have any idea who we’re talking about, Professor?”

Slughorn swallows audibly “Well, see— I’ve never— I don’t know who or what you’re on about. There’s no need for—”

He doesn’t have time for this. It’s easy, really, Slughorn is not expecting it, like slicing through soft butter. “Legilimens”. He doesn’t even need to search far, the memory rests at the front of his mind. 

A pale boy stands before a younger looking Slughorn in his office. It looks to be evening, the boy is standing next to his desk, looking out the window. 

“Look sharp, Tom,” Slughorn says, turning around. “You don’t want to be caught out of bed out of hours, and you are a prefect...” 

“Sir, I wanted to ask you something.” 

“Ask away, then, m’boy, ask away “

“Sir, I wondered what you know about Horcruxes?”

Slughorn stares at him, his thick fingers absentmindedly caressing the stem of his wine glass. “Project for Defense Against the Dark Arts, is it?”

“Not exactly, sir,” said Riddle. “I came across the term while reading and I didn’t fully understand it.” 

“No... well... you’d be hard-pushed to find a book at Hogwarts that’ll give you details on Horcruxes, Tom, that’s very Dark stuff, very Dark indeed,”

“But you obviously know all about them, sir? I mean, a wizard like you — sorry, I mean, if you can’t tell me, obviously — I just knew if anyone could tell me, you could — so I just thought I’d ask —” 

“Well,” Slughorn seems to hesitate just for a second, “it can’t hurt to give you an overview, of course. Just so that you understand the term. A Horcrux is the word used for an object in which a person has concealed part of their soul.” 

“I don’t quite understand how that works, though, sir,”

“Well, you split your soul, you see,” says Slughorn, “and hide part of it in an object outside the body. Then, even if one’s body is attacked or destroyed, one cannot die, for part of the soul remains earthbound and undamaged. But of course, existence in such a form… Few would want it, Tom, very few. Death would be preferable.”

“How do you split your soul?”

“Well,” says Slughorn uncomfortably, “you must understand that the soul is supposed to remain intact and whole. Splitting it is an act of violation, it is against nature.” 

“But how do you do it?” 

“By an act of evil — the supreme act of evil. By committing murder. Killing rips the soul apart. The wizard intent upon creating a Horcrux would use the damage to his advantage: He would encase the torn portion —” 

“Encase? But how —?” 

“There is a spell, do not ask me, I don’t know!” Slughorn answers, shaking his head. “Do I look as though I have tried it — do I look like a killer?” 

“No, sir, of course not,” says the boy quickly. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to offend...”

“Not at all, not at all, not offended,” said Slughorn gruffly. “It’s natural to feel some curiosity about these things... Wizards of a certain caliber have always been drawn to that aspect of magic “ 

“Yes, sir. What I don’t understand, though — just out of curiosity — I mean, would one Horcrux be much use? Can you only split your soul once? Wouldn’t it be better, make you stronger, to have your soul in more pieces, I mean, for instance, isn’t seven the most powerfully magical number, wouldn’t seven —?”

“Merlin’s beard, Tom!” yelps Slughorn. “Seven! Isn’t it bad enough to think of killing one person? And in any case... bad enough to divide the soul... but to rip it into seven pieces… Of course,” he mutters, “this is all hypothetical, what we’re discussing, isn’t it? All academic...” 

“Yes, sir, of course,” 

“But all the same, Tom... keep it quiet, what I’ve told — that’s to say, what we’ve discussed. People wouldn’t like to think we’ve been chatting about Horcruxes. It’s a banned subject at Hogwarts, you know... Dumbledore’s particularly fierce about it “ 

“I won’t say a word, sir.”

Sirius rips himself out of Slughorn’s mind with a deep inhale. “You idiot. You fucking idiot!” He's so angry as he crowds the man, brandishing his wand, another spell on the tip of his tongue. 

“What ?!” he had almost forgotten that Remus was there with him. 

He turns sharply “He’s the one who told him, he told the fucking Dark Lord how to do it, how to turn his soul into a Horcrux!” he says to him, an accusing finger pointed at his old professor. 

Remus looks at Slughorn who seems to be cowering in the arm chair. “I— I couldn’t have known w— who— what he would turn into— I—”

“Who is he? His name, Professor, what’s his name ?”

“No, I can’t— He’ll kill me, surely you don’t want me—” Sirius is prodding him with his wand.

“He called him Tom in the memory.” he spits with gritted teeth. 

Remus shifts forward, coming to kneel in front of Slughorn. “Sir, please. We need your help. We need to stop him, before he hurts more people than he already has. We need you to tell us, please.”

“I— I can’t—”

“Oh fuck this!” Sirius says, taking a step back “Crucio!”

“Sirius, no!” Remus gets up, reaching for Sirius’ wand arm, trying to stop him as Slughorn starts writhing under his spell. Sirius clenches his jaw, his vision blurs around the edges and he can now only distantly hear the old man’s screams as they are slowly replaced by his and his brother’s “You are a disappointment, Sirius.” , his mother’s voice resonates in his mind. He’s on the floor of the parlor at Grimmauld, she’s standing above him “Do better.” . 

The next second, all Sirius can see is Remus’ face coming into focus in front of him.

“Sirius.” His touch is soft on his arm this time, he looks at him like he is searching for something behind his eyes. “Sirius, stop.” His eyes finally find Remus’ as he drops his wand arm and notices only now how hard he’s breathing. Slughorn is whimpering and has now slid down off the chair onto the floor. Sirius straightens up, a hand running through his hair as he tries to get his bearings. He schools his features to a neutral expression. 

“Don’t be a coward, Horace. Do the right thing.” Sirius tells him, voice cold and distant.

“R— Riddle. Tom Riddle.” Slughorn gets out through a sob. 

Remus checks with a questioning look if the name means anything to Sirius. It doesn’t, unfortunately. “Obliviate”, Remus casts the spell on Slughorn and they leave right after that, Apparating to a nearby forest and setting up a tent. 

Sirius has put an extendable charm on the whole thing so he and Remus both get to have their separate “rooms”, there's a kitchenette and a table in the centre of the common area. Sirius settles in, pulling some food out of the bag Potter’s elf packed for them. 

“So what did you see?” Remus asks, eager to find out. 

“It’s not good… He looked about sixteen, started asking Slughorn about Horcruxes, manipulating the weak idiot, pretending it was all “ for academic purposes ”. Remus, he talked about creating more than one Horcrux.”

Remus is quiet but panic is clearly visible on his face.

“M—more than one? How many?”

“Seven.”

“Seven?!”

“I mean yeah, that’s what he said but who knows how much he actually made?”

“Fucking seven?!” Remus gets up, pacing about the room. “Sirius, one Horcrux was already going to be difficult, not knowing what it looks like, but seven ? How the fuck are we going to find seven of them?!”

“Okay, calm down, like I said, we don’t know if he actually made seven.” he tries to reassure him, but to no avail. 

“And— so wait, his name, you didn’t recognize it?”

“No, but it confirms that he’s not a pureblood. So all of his rhetoric about blood purity is absolute bollocks.”

Remus scoffs, and the irony also hits Sirius. The scoff turns into a chuckle, then they start laughing, a nervous kind of laugh, one you cannot stop as it comes bubbling out of your throat, racking your entire body to the point where you can’t take a deep breath. Remus wipes a tear at the corner of his eye.

“We’re so fucked.” he says, between two chuckles.

“Yeah.” Sirius confirms. “Let’s check in with Potter and Reggie, they can maybe find some info on who Riddle really is and where he came from.”

Remus pulls out the two way mirror from his jacket pocket, calling after James who appears, bleary eyes and glasses sitting askew on his nose. 

“Mmhwhat ?”

“James, hey, we got a name.”

“Oh, that was fast.” he says, more alert all of the sudden. “Wait, let me get Regulus.”

A few seconds later, Regulus appears, crammed next to Potter, trying to see his brother. “Sirius, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, we’re fine, don’t worry. We got a name for you: Tom Riddle. Ring any bell?”

“No.” Regulus answers simply, shaking his head.

“Mmh, figured it wouldn’t but you never know, you always did pay more attention than I did during genealogy lessons. We need you guys to do some research, try to figure out who the bloke actually is.”

“I mean, sure but where would we even start?” James asks, scratching his face.

“If only we could have access to the records in the Black Library… He has to come from a magical family somehow.” Regulus says.

“And how do you suppose you will get to those? Also Tom Riddle sounds pretty muggle to me, wouldn’t that be ironic…”

They fall into silence, all trying to figure out a solution.

“Tilly!” Potter exclaims all of the sudden.

There’s a resounding pop off to the side of Regulus and the Potter’s elf asks in a squeaky voice how she can be of help to them.

“Tilly, you can apparate anywhere, right? Even in a place that is heavily warded?”

Regulus jumps up, smacking James on the shoulder “Brilliant James, yes!”

Potter seems to preen at the sudden praise and the elf confirms that she could in fact apparate into Grimmauld. Regulus gives her instructions on what to take and where to find it and with another pop, she disapparates.They decide to reconvene in the afternoon the next day, giving each other some time to rest.

Remus puts away the mirror as Sirius gets up to go to bed. He glances back to see that Remus hasn’t moved from the table, he’s fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket.

“You shouldn’t have Crucioed him, Sirius.”

He scoffs, tensing up directly at the confrontational tone. “And what else would you have suggested ? Asked again nicely ?”

“I was getting through to him, he would have volunteered the information at some point.”

“No, he wouldn’t have. You forget that the man was my Head of House for seven years, I know him. He’s spineless and would have done anything to save his own skin.”

“We would have found another way! You didn’t have to torture him to get the information!”

“Why?!” Sirius reacts directly, “Because it’s beneath me? Because I’m better than this? Than her?!” he shouts, a hand hitting against his chest. He’s breathing hard again, he feels lightheaded because of it. He can see the pained look in Remus’ eyes and Merlin, he hates seeing it. He never wanted pity from him, everything but… “I’m not, you know. What do you think I’ve been doing for the past two years as a Death Eater? This was nothing, Remus, nothing compared to what he asked of me. Nothing compared to what I did to make sure Regulus wasn’t dragged into it as well. All I did was make the The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black proud, just like my parents wanted. I—” his breath trembles on the next inhale, he can feel his throat constrict. “I did it, everytime, all that was asked of me, Remus. This— I’m doing this not just for Reggie but also for myself, so I can be done. I need to be done.”

Remus takes a few steps towards him and Sirius instinctively retreats. He can see tears welling up in Remus’ eyes but he feels too much, this is getting too real, too close to another conversation they’ve had.

“So if you’re not ready to do anything and everything to end this, you should go, leave. Let me do this on my own.” he finishes, voice stern. He can’t help but feel hopeful as he stares back at the man in front of him.

Remus seems to find his wits, he squares his shoulders, his jaw tenses as he answers back “I’m staying.”

Sirius turns on his heels, not responding, shoving the privacy flap aside to enter his side of the tent. 

He doesn’t sleep that night, the memory of his mother standing above him in the parlour playing over and over again in his mind as he writhes in pain under her Crucio. He’s seven. He’d just broken a vase.

━━━

James awakes to find Regulus already hard at work at the table, going through countless records. Tilly had to do multiple trips in order to bring these in from the Black library, thankfully as it was late, she managed to get away with it without getting detected. 

James comes to sit at Regulus’ side, setting up a cup of coffee next to him as he drinks from his own. Regulus looks up with a frown at the gesture as if it’s the most preposterous thing he could have ever done. He still mutters a small “Thank you” and James hides a smile in his cup.

“So, have you found anything yet?”

“No, unfortunately. I’m starting to feel like Sirius was right, the name Tom Riddle might be muggle.”

“Okay, so his father might have been a muggle, then? And his mom, a witch? That would make him a half-blood.”

“That still doesn’t help us…” Regulus says, scanning the scattered papers. James has noticed he does that a lot, constantly analyzing, as if his brain never rests. He looks tired. It occurs to James that Regulus might have stayed up all night.

“Regulus, have you slept at all?”

“I’m fine, I can sleep later.” he says, waving a hand dismissively.

“Okay, that’s it, I’m making us breakfast and you’re taking a break.” James gets up in a swift movement and starts pulling Regulus’ chair away from the table.

“Wait, Potter— No— James!” he says, trying to reach back for the records on the table.

“Ha! You finally called me James!”

“No, I didn’t”

“You so did.” he says smugly. “Come on, I’ll make pancakes.”

“What do you need me for, then?”

“Oh you’re mean. I’ll teach you, I bet you’ve never cooked a day in your privileged life.” James tells him over his shoulder as they make their way into the kitchen. He hears Regulus grumble but he obviously knows he’s right since he’s not actually talking back out loud. James reaches for a bowl and a whisk and starts preparing all necessary ingredients. Regulus stands next to him, surveying once again as James weighs each dry item with his wand, combining them in the dish. He hands an egg to Regulus and watches him quirk an eyebrow at the gesture.

“Always best to crack it on a flat surface, less chance of getting some scales in what you’re making and the yolk should stay intact as well.” James chuckles and shows him how to crack it, handing the next one to Regulus. He takes it carefully, repeating the process like James has shown him, successfully, because of course Regulus Black would get it right from the first try. 

Once the batter is made, James demonstrates how to bake each pancake in a pan, handing the reins to Regulus after he’s done a few of them. They eat in the kitchen seeing as it’s just the two of them and in the silence, James thinks that this almost feels normal. 

“Have you always cooked your own meals?”

The question is innocent enough but it still sends a pang of nostalgic pain to James’ heart.

“My mom used to cook most of the time, she taught me quite a few recipes. Tilly helped as well of course, she would be offended if my mom tried to chase her out of the kitchen. But my mother was an amazing cook. My dad on the other hand, forget it. If it wasn’t a potion, he couldn’t get it right, would ruin any food he tried to prepare. Ha! I actually remember being little and that one time my dad tried to cook a meal for my mom, I think it might have been her birthday? Anyway, he burned absolutely everything, and I mean, everything, you should have seen it.” he tells him. He gets lost in the feeling of it all for a second, trying to remember his mother’s smile, his father’s laugh,... 

“They sound… nice.” Regulus looks down at his plate while he pokes at an uneaten piece of pancake with his fork.

“They were the best.” James answers fondly. “I think you would have gotten on with my dad, honestly, you had the love for potions in common.”

Regulus offers a small smile and James smiles back. They look at each other for a second too long before Regulus clears his throat, getting up to grab James’ plate and his own and putting them in a sink with a washing spell.

They spend a good part of the rest of the morning and early afternoon cross-referencing the names Tom and Riddle with possible magical families without any concrete results. They end up calling for Remus and Sirius through the two way mirror to share their unfortunate lack of findings.

They all discuss back and forth, Sirius making suggestions of possible families, Regulus shutting them down having already checked them over three times.

“I had an idea.” Sirius declares after an hour of discussing the matter. “But none of you are going to like it…” he looks at them each before finishing “I think we need to pay a visit to an inner circle Death Eater.”

“Well yes, you’re right, I do not like this idea.” James says frowning at the eldest Black sibling. “How on earth would that help us here?”

“I was thinking that there might be a small chance that they either know the Dark Lord’s name or know where to find an Horcrux.”

“...What do you mean by “ an Horcrux ”?

Remus and Sirius look at each other, realizing that they forgot to inform the two other men of their discovery last night, too focused on the name.

“So… There might be— possibly? More than one Horcrux?”

“I’m sorry, are you asking a question or making a bloody statement?” Regulus says sharply, not amused by his brother’s unclear answer.

“We think he might have made as much as seven of them.” Remus comes to his rescue. 

“SEVEN?!” both Regulus and James exclaim at the same time.

“Yes, well let’s not get hung up on the number, we don’t have any confirmations per say,” Sirius rushes to try and calm them down. “I do believe however that visiting our dear cousin’s husband might get us some answers.”

Regulus quirks an eyebrow, “Do you mean Lucius or Rodolphus?”

“Lucius. I believe he’s coward enough for us to get something out of him.” Sirius says and James notices Remus shifting uncomfortably next to him.

Regulus shrugs, not dismissing the idea which means it might not be as completely crazy and ridiculous as James thinks it might be. 

They agree to wait up to a week so they can learn more about Lucius Malfoy’s habits and when it might be most convenient to try and grab him. They decide to reconvene in a few days, unless something comes up before. 

James goes back to work in the garden, preparing one of the elevated beds to plant some herbs. He hums to himself as the late afternoon sun hits him in the neck, he wipes some sweat off his brow, getting up to get himself some water. He casts a quick Aguamenti on the glass he’s left on the garden table, peering through the kitchen window. He notices Regulus, standing at the sink, just… starring. James goes for a tentative smile but Regulus ducks out of sight quicker than he’s ever seen anyone move. A second later, he exits through the back door, coming to stand in front of him.

“What in Merlin’s beard are you wearing?”

James looks down at himself. He’s wearing some old muggle jeans stained with dirt.

“...Pants?”

“Yes I can see that, but— this?” Regulus points in the general area of James’ chest.

“... A vest?”

“Is that what you call this scrap of fabric?” he says with what sounds like mild disgust.

James scoffs. “Who died and made you fashion Auror? It’s bloody warm and I’m moving quite a bit which makes it even warmer. Hence the sleeveless look” James makes a show of turning on the spot, arms wide, as to show himself from every angle.

“Well, it’s indecent.”

James can’t help himself, he starts laughing as Regulus looks like he’s blushing, arms crossed in front of his chest. When James doesn’t stop laughing, Regulus starts heading back for the door but he stops him.

“Wait, wait—” he says, stifling another laugh, “I’m sorry, yes, to a pureblood who’s never been around muggles or muggleborn, it probably looks indecent.” Regulus just grumbles. “Do you want to help out? I was about to plant some seeds for some herbs you might be able to use for potions.”

That seems to peak Regulus’ interest, he perks up and looks behind James to check as if he’s telling the truth. In lieu of an answer, he just strolls to where James has everything set up: bags of seeds, extra potting soil, compost and diverse gardening tools. James starts showing him the whole process, just like he did this morning with breakfast. Regulus is very attentive, asking questions about the different plants. James answers each and every single one of them, not making fun of him for what might seem like basic knowledge to him. It’s nice, teaching something to someone who looks at all you do with reverence. James explains to him how much the garden used to mean to his mother, how therapeutic he’s found it to work in it these last couple of days. Regulus just listens as James tells him stories once again about his parents, they share another moment in the sunlight, one that feels special even though James cannot quite place as to why. That night, he dreams of pancakes and gardens. That night is the first night in a very long time that he doesn’t have a nightmare.

Chapter Text

Friday 25th of July 1980

They spend the next few days spying on the comings and going of Lucius Malfoy. Seeing as he has a ministry job, they find themselves in London everyday, at 9 am and 5pm, time at which he finishes his day. What proves to be more difficult is tracking Lucius’ activities outside of his day job. Tuesday evening, he disappears to a small apartment in the heart of Diagon Alley and doesn’t reemerge until 11pm. They haven’t quite figured out what he does there yet. They know that Wednesday night is for the Death Eater’s meeting seeing as Sirius himself used to go to them. They decide to grab him on Friday night, after he’s done working. They follow him once again into the same alleyway off the main shopping street of Diagon. Before Lucius can close the main door leading to the mysterious apartment, Sirius stunts him. It takes effort for him to drag his body inside while Remus casts an Homenium Revelio  that tells them there’s only one more person on the floor above them, a woman by the looks of it.

“We can’t very well stay in the hallway.” Sirius whispers to Remus, pocketing Lucius’ wand and levitating his body. 

Remus nods, creeping slowly up the stairs and knocks at the door in front of him.

A young brown haired witch in a pink lace robe opens the door, “Lucius, I was starting to━” she stops dead in her tracks, her smile faltering as she takes in the appearance of the man standing in front of her, who is certainly not Lucius. 

Remus makes quick work of her, casting an Incarcerous  that sends her into an armchair a few meters inside the apartment.

“Terribly sorry, Ma’am but I’m afraid we need to requisition your living quarters, dear old Lucy here has some explaining to do.” Sirius says, strolling in, an unconscious Lucius floating after him. The woman pales at the sight, mumbling some incomprehensible words in shock. But through the nonsense, they both catch the word “boyfriend”

“I’m sorry, love, what was that?” Sirius taunts, a devilish smile on his face, “Did you say boyfriend?” he starts to laugh. The witch startles but quickly recovers, an offended look on her toad like face.

“Yes! You━ What is the meaning of this?!” She has a shrieky kind of voice that gets on Remus’ nerves.

“Ha! Well I knew he was an absolute piece of shite but to have it confirmed is just so━”

“Let’s get on with it.” Remus grinds his teeth, he has no patience tonight. 

Sirius nods, casting a stunner on the witch and dropping Lucius on the floor rather abruptly. Sirius hits him with a Rennevate and crouches next to him. Remus prefers to stand, wand at the ready.

“Wakey wakey, Lucy.” Sirius slap the man across the cheek a couple of times as he stirs. His eyes immediately bulge, taking in his surroundings and he tries to get up and get past them but Sirius’ reflexes are faster as he clocks him with an elbow right to face. Lucius falls backwards, hands clutching at his more than likely broken nose. He tries to crawl backwards, away from them. Remus remembers him vaguely during their time at school when he was just in his second year. Malfoy had been a prefect and an unjust one at that, always giving away detention to those he didn’t like. Since he’s left Hogwarts though, the Order knows he’s been an active Death Eater and part of Voldemort’s inner circle even though they haven’t been able to prove it. All in all, Lucius Malfoy was and still is a bully. And a coward as well, so it seems.

“Tsk, tsk,... Imagine my surprise, Lucy, when I see you coming in here to meet up with this…” his hand doing a flourish in the general direction of the passed out witch on the chair. “Who even is that, Lucius? Huh? With whom, pray tell, are you cheating on my dearest beautiful, smart and talented cousin ?”

“D━ Dolores, her name is Dolores.” he gets out with a stuttering breath. “Wh━ what are you doing here, Black? Everyone has been looking for you!” his eyes quickly glancing over to the small table next to his mistress, the Daily Prophet is resting under an empty cup of tea adorn with small kittens.

Remus reaches for it, reading the front page title aloud “Black Heir missing”. He looks up and catches Sirius’ eye, who juts his chin at him, prompting him to read further. 

"The wizarding world was shaken today by news of the disappearances of the Heir to The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black Sirius and his brother Regulus Black, all under mysterious circumstances. T he brothers, sons of Orion and Walburga Black, were last seen several weeks ago, and conflicting accounts leave their whereabouts unknown since then.
Sources close to the Black family suggest that neither brothers have made contact while some speculate they may have gone into hiding, others fear the worst. “The Blacks have many enemies,” a Ministry official, who wished to remain anonymous, stated. “Given the current climate, it wouldn’t be the first time a high-profile disappearance signaled something far more sinister.”
The Department of Magical Law Enforcement and the Black family have yet to issue an official statement, but whispers within the Auror Office suggest that foul play is not being ruled out. We at the Daily Prophet wish strength to the Black family in this difficult time. We will of course continue to follow this developing story and keep you, our precious readers, up to date.<i>

“Shit.” Sirius says.

“We’ll just have to be extra careful.” Remus tries to reassure him. He turns back to Lucius, pointing his wand at his long crooked nose which seems to be rapidly swelling. “Pleasantries aside, we have a few questions for you, Malfoy.” The man in front of him swallows, he’s probably trying to Occlude whatever he’s really feeling but Remus can smell the fear wafting off of him. This close to the full moon, some days he feels more wolf than man. “Tom Riddle. Now, does that name mean anything to you?”

Malfoy’s expression remains focused once again but Remus hears his heartbeat quicken and he knows right then that whatever will come out of his mouth will be a lie.

“No. Should it, half-blood?” 

Not even a second after the words have been uttered, Sirius grabs Malfoy by the front of his well tailored robes, pulling and twisting the fabric so they find themselves nose to nose, his wand poking him in the jaw.

“Don’t you fucking call him that. We don’t have time for your supremacist bollocks, answer the bloody question.”

Instead of feeling threatened, he just smiles. Honestly, Remus couldn’t care less about what Lucius Malfoy thinks of his lineage, but Sirius’ reaction just gave them away.

“Oh, no, that would just be too good. Is that why you ran away? Are you queer for the Lupin boy, Black?” he cackles, eyes darting between the two of them.

“That’s it, I don’t have the patience nor the time for this.” In a turn of events, Remus is the one who reacts first, moving swiftly and force feeding the content of a small vial to Malfoy who a second later visibly relaxes, shoulders sagging, a dopey smile appearing on his face. Sirius stares at Remus, obviously shocked. 

“What the fuck did you just give him?”

“Veritaserum, nicked it from James’ father’s lab. Like you said the other day, we should be ready to do anything to stop this.” Remus says, still observing Malfoy as he turns back to him. “Now talk, how do you know the name Tom Riddle?” he asks.

“I read it on a journal.” he answers simply. His hands immediately fly up to his mouth, realizing the mistake he just made.

“On a journal? What journal?”

“One that belonged to my Master. He entrusted me with it, a high honor.” he says, struggling against the potion.

Both Sirius and Remus suddenly stare at each other, there’s a gleam of hope in Sirius’ eye.

“Where’s that journal, Lucius?” prompts Sirius.

“At the manor, in my private study.”

“Fucking figures…” Sirius says, turning to Remus as a hand slides down his face in clear exasperation. 

“We could send him to go get it?” Remus suggests.

“Mmh, no, too risky. Malfoy Manor has been Death Eater central for a while now just like Grimmauld, a lot of comings and goings. If any of them see dear Lucy here strolling casually down the corridors while answering every question with the truth, they will definitely know that something is off. No, there has to be another way.” He looks back at Malfoy who still regards them with a spiteful glare on his aristocratic face. “Is my cousin aware of your proclivities?”

“Merlin, no.” he chuckles darkly.

“Interesting. Lucius, do you know of any other objects that the Dark Lord might have entrusted anyone else with?”

“Bella gloated at a dinner once that he had. But she was drunk, who’s to trust anything that comes out of that crazy bitch’s mouth.”

Sirius shrugs as if to say “he’s not wrong”. They ask him a few more questions about different Death Eaters, the Manor, what Voldemort might suspect concerning Sirius and Regulus’ disappearance. As far as he’s concerned, he believes they’ve run away or are dead at the hands of the Order, at least that’s the narrative he’s pushing to their parents and the rest of his followers. The man has such delusions of grandeur that he cannot even imagine one of his inner circle Death Eater betraying him for love. For family. In the end, it plays in their favor, it doesn’t seem like he’s sending anyone after them for now. That, of course, might change once they start finding the Horcruxes.

They Obliviate both Malfoy and his mistress, and get back to their camp in the woods. Remus is in the process of refreshing the wards around their tent while Sirius paces back and forth in front of a fire they lit a few minutes after getting back. 

“Would you just settle down please, you’re annoying me and I’m trying to focus here.” Remus snaps at him. Sirius immediately stops, sitting down on a log, his knee is still bouncing with nervous energy. Remus finishes the last ward and comes to sit across from him. They start debriefing about today’s findings, Sirius is still clearly high on that adrenaline buzz because he’s talking fast, his mind seems like it runs at a 100 miles an hour.

“Ok so there’s something we could try in order to gain access to that journal.” the tip of his fingers are touching, he looks like he’s skeeming. Which Remus guesses he is, technically. “I could try and contact Cissy.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Remus deadpans.

“No, no, listen. I could contact her, tell her about her lying cheating arse of a husband, and offer her an out. She never liked the bastard, it was an arranged marriage but I know she would never want to face public humiliation. Plus I’ve always been her favorite cousin.” he says, then adds “Don’t tell Regulus.”, a small mischievous smile on his lips. 

“And what, you think she would help us? Out of shame? The goodness of her heart?” Remus questions. He isn’t convinced at all, he remembers Narcissa, née Black, from school better than her husband. A witch not to cross for sure, and a damn good Seeker as James had once put it. She was a force to reckon with. 

“I really think it could work, Remus.” Sirius looks at him earnestly, Remus can feel his insides twist under the gaze of the man in front of him. A desire pooling at the bottom of his stomach. He tries to keep the wolf in check, feeling a rumble coming from within. Sirius smiles at him, and Remus has to look away.

“We’ll check with your brother and James, see what they think.” he says, looking in the distance, willing his heart to stop beating out of his chest. “What about your other cousin, the crazy one?”

Sirius chuckles, “Well, Regulus was her favorite so if anyone might have an idea of where she would hide an Horcrux, it’ll probably be him. 

“Good.”

Remus decides to breach the subject before Sirius brings it up “The full moon is in a couple of days.”

“I know.”

“I haven’t spent one outside in a while.”

“I thought as much.”

“Since Peter’s death, in fact.” he swallows, harshly. He takes a few seconds before he adds “We can do it here, but we’ll need to put up some wards.”

“Whatever you want, Remus.” Sirius offers another small smile, this one is probably supposed to be comforting but it isn’t helping.

Silence falls between them. Remus has picked up a strand of grass, he keeps rolling it back and forth between his fingers, Sirius is observing the movement. Remus can feel a conversation coming, one he wants to avoid. Before it can start, he gets up, mumbling something about catching a bit of sleep. He tries to ignore the small sigh of disappointment escaping Sirius’ lips before he tells him good night.

━━━

Thursday 31st of July 1980

They ended up discussing the matter the day after with Potter and Regulus. His brother had argued that Sirius’ plan was again, risky at best and insane at worst. Sirius had disagreed. They had bickered back and forth through the mirror to Potter and Remus’ greatest entertainment. Not one to be dissuaded, Sirius still went through with it; he had instructed Potter (who keeps on insisting on being called James, the idiot) to write a note to his cousin and send it with his owl. They had to wait three days before Narcissa had answered. The parchment just had an address, one that none of them had recognized. So on a Thursday morning, Sirius and Remus found themselves walking around muggle London. They’d stopped at what Remus had called a “thrift store”, ━it smelled of moth balls and old dust━ there he had selected an outfit for Sirius so he would look less conspicuous than with wizarding robes on but Remus had also said it was less likely for him to get beaten up if he blend in. Sirius had scoffed, assuring him that if anyone would do the beating up, it would be him.

“It’s here.” Remus points out with a head movement in the direction of a small establishment. 

He finishes his fag, crushing it under his boot and Sirius follows him inside. Remus takes a seat at a table and Sirius is immediately fascinated by his surroundings. The red chair he’s sitting on is made of metal and a squeaky type of material, it feels a bit uncomfortable but that might also be due to the tight muggle jeans Remus squeezed him into. The walls are yellowish, there are a couple of other patrons eating breakfast, drinking coffee and smoking their cigarettes. A young beautiful woman comes up to them, she has long brown hair pulled up in a ponytail and high cheekbones.

“What can I get you, lads?”

“Uhm, coffee please, two.’ Remus answers, putting his pack of cigarettes on the table. 

“We got a special of the full breakfast this morning if you’re interested?” she insists, sliding two pieces of weird looking parchment across their table. Sirius grabs one, it’s smooth, doesn’t feel like parchment at all actually.

“Yeah alright, I’ll take one of those breakfasts, love.” he flashes her a smile, and a blush appears on those cheekbones of hers. 

“Coming right up.”

After she scurries back behind the counter, Remus eyes him with what looks like discontent. Sirius raises an eyebrow, “What? I’m hungry.”

Remus stares back at him, squinting a bit, “Mmhmm.”

Oh he knows that look. Sirius scrutinizes him, trying to decipher what Remus might exactly be thinking as he gets another cigarette out. “Oh Remus, might you be jealous? She’s just doing her job.” he says, sitting back against his creaky chair.

Remus’ eyes which had been scanning the menu snap back up to him, obvious frustration on his features “I am not jealous.” he says, trying to sound deadly. Sirius doesn’t believe him, though.

“If you say so.” he shrugs. 

The woman comes back with their order, and another timid smile for Sirius. He decides to play along, flashing one of his own confident smirks. Sirius can see Remus shift in his seat, so he reaches for the plate that the waitress is bringing, their hands grazing as she puts it down, which makes her blush once again. As she leaves, Sirius peeks at Remus’ reaction but there’s no time to make it out as it changes when he looks up, the bell of the door signaling the entrance of a new customer. Sirius pivots in his chair and sees Narcissa. In the second it took him to turn, she spotted Remus and is out the door. Sirius gets up going after her, and catches up to her just outside the cafe.

“Cissy.” he says, grabbing for her arm which she wrenches out of his grip immediately. 

“No. I don’t know what you’re playing at or where you and Regulus have been but seeing who’s accompanying you, it’s nothing good.” she practically spits, arms folding across her chest. “I am not getting involved, Sirius.”

“Cissy, please, we need your help. Regulus and I, we’re in danger.”

A pained expression flashes across her face but she answers that she has her own family to think of, a hand cradling her stomach. Sirius looks down and cannot help himself as he smiles at her. “You’re pregnant?”

“Yes. A boy.” a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. 

Sirius reaches out to hold her hand and she lets him this time. “Oh, I’m so happy for you.” The happiness though is short lived as Sirius remembers the reason for their meeting. “Narcissa━ I need to tell you something. I’m sorry, I did not want you to learn about this in this manner but━” he looks back inside through the window of the cafe, Remus is surveilling them. “We went to pay a visit to Lucius the other day. He was in Diagon, at a witch’s apartment.”

Narcissa’s expression hardens but she doesn’t retrieve her hand. She purses her lips, suddenly very interested in the cracks in the pavement. “Who is she?” she asks dryly. 

“He said her name was Dolores?”

“That fucking toad of a woman?” she says suddenly and Sirius can’t help but laugh. “Oh the prick.” her voice is dripping with disgust, she has her hands balled up into fists at her sides and he can see her trying to swallow the anger back as to not cause a scene.

“He is a fool. You are a goddess next to that toad.”

She looks at him with a spark of kindness, her eyes are watery. 

“Come on, let’s get you in, have a coffee on us, it’s not half bad.”

“Tea, Sirius, caffeine is bad for the baby.” she says in lieu of an answer. 

Sirius gets back to their table, Narcissa in toe. She goes down with as much grace as possible for someone sitting on a tattered looking chair, hands folding delicately in her lap. She’s staring down at Remus, not uttering a word and he gives it back as good as he gets. Two of his worlds collapsing on each other. Sirius can hardly believe it. Just as he’s about to explain why she’s here, the server comes bustling down, asking if the lady would like something to drink. Narcissa sends her to fetch some tea and Sirius can see the disappointment on her face as she makes the assumption that Narcissa is involved with him. Remus seems to catch it as well, smiling as he takes a sip of his coffee. Once the waitress leaves after dropping (a bit too harshly) a pot of tea and cup before his cousin, they start explaining it all: Sirius and Regulus running away, the Horcruxes, Slughorn, Tom Riddle,... She listens without interruption. After a few minutes, her hands drop once more on her belly and she looks down. 

She considers them for what feels like forever. “I will help you. But as much as I love you, Sirius, I am not doing it for you. I’m doing it for him.” Sirius understands that she’s referring to her unborn son and nods, a cautious smile on his lips. 

“Thank you.”

She nods back. They order some pie, and between the clinking of cutlery, the conversations of other paterons, Sirius can hear a song coming through the radio propped up on the counter.

All night long, you've been looking at me

Well, you know you're the dance hall cutie that you longed to be

Oh well now, you've been laying it down

You've got your hip swinging out of bounds

And I like the way you do what you're doin' to me

Sirius looks up and sees Remus staring back. They share a smile. This is going to work. 

━━━

Monday 10th of March 1975

The three Gryffondor idiots are singing at the top of their lungs and Sirius just wants to curse them into oblivion. He isn’t a morning person and he’s just trying to have his breakfast, in silence. It’s not enough that today is Monday and he has to endure double potion with them in the afternoon, but now he and the rest of the school have to hear their off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday”. Every year it’s the same, on every birthday of theirs and Sirius is tired of it. He’s heard about their supposedly “legendary” party they had last Saturday in honor of Lupin’s 15th birthday, half the castle has been raging about it. Still though, the party is not enough, they have to force their joie de fucking vivre on everyone else. 

“Fucking ponces”, Mulciber comes to sit down next to him, reaching for some toast. Mulciber likes to think they are friends. They aren’t. “Someone should teach them a lesson, yeah.”

Sirius doesn’t answer, pondering the idea. Lupin and his friends are known for their ridiculous pranks and as much as he dislikes Mulciber, the imbecile is also right, someone ought to teach them a lesson. He gets up swiftly, ignoring as Mulciber prattles on about Potter with Avery. He spots his brother a bit further down the table, and plops down across from him, next to the Crouch boy. He reaches for an apple, taking a full bite.

“ ‘Morning Reggie.”

“Good morning Sirius.” his brother answers with his usual disregard for any situations happening around him.

“Is it though? A good morning, I mean?” Sirius asks and Regulus glances up. Barty Crouch chuckles, he looks like he’s already enjoying the interaction between the two brothers. 

“What do you need, Sirius?” Regulus asks, his eyes going back to this morning’s edition of the Daily Prophet. 

“A favor. Some help. Well, really, it would be a service to everyone in the end.”

“And what might that be exactly?” his tone bored. 

“What if one was to show those Gryffondors how much of an annoyance they can be sometimes?”

Regulus looks back up at him, a mischievous smile spreading across his face.

“One might be interested.”

━━━

That afternoon, Sirius gets to his potion lesson a bit earlier than usual and gets to work. A few minutes later, the rest of his year starts filing into the classroom, most of them chattering about, no surprise, the bloody Gryffondor party. He is sitting in the back of the class, with a particularly good view of Potter and Lupin’s cauldron, biding his time as the lesson starts. 

“Today, we will be brewing a Shrinking Solution.” Slughorn tells the class as he plucks a vial off his personal potion shelf. “I expect that you know the theory from your essay last year, so pick up your books, page 316.”

Students get to work, chopping, stirring, and heating their respective potions. Avery, who’s sitting next to him is doing most of the work, Sirius is just too excited to pay attention to anything else but Potter and Lupin. Most students get to the point where they need to cast the Shrinking Charm to finish their brew, Sirius starts leaning on his desk, listening as Potter enunciates the spell clearly. A small explosion resonates, englobing both Lupin and Potter in a small green cloud. All other students have stopped working and those around them have jumped off their seats, scared of being affected by the potion. The cloud dissipates leaving the two boys just looking at each other, a stunned look on their face, not understanding what just happened. 

“Did you cast the right spell Mr Potter?” Slughorn asks.

“Yes Prof━” Potter stops speaking mid-sentence as his voice is now several octaves higher than normal. He sounds like a squeaky little mouse high on helium. Lupin starts laughing only to realize that his voice sounds about the same. A hand immediately flying up to his mouth, a look of bewilderment on his face. The entire classroom erupts into laughter after that. Lupin and Potter start arguing, blaming each other for the bollocksing of their potion which makes people laugh even harder now, some of them to tears. Slughorn tries to get control back of his lesson but to no avail. Sirius is quite proud, leaning back in his chair, arms crossed as he looks around: he sees Snape who’s usually terribly somber just chuckling at Potter, Lily Evans seems to find it quite funny as well as she snickers with the McDonald girl. Avery is elbowing him, congratulating him a bit too loudly. How that idiot put two and two together, Sirius doesn’t know but the fact that his little brother is a genius potioneer might have something to do with it. He’ll have to thank Reggie, this was quite effective. 

Slughorn ends up sending them to the infirmary, as they leave he glances back at Lupin and their eyes meet, for a second he could swear that they flash gold as Sirius tips an imaginary hat to him. He can’t help but smirk as he sees Lupin fuming, clearly concluding that he is the one responsible for it. That night, Sirius sleeps oh so deliciously, dreaming of golden eyes. 

━━━

Thursday 13th of March 1975

Sirius shuffles to the bathroom, his eyes still blurry with sleep as he looks at himself in the mirror. His mind can’t focus lately, he’s plagued with strange dreams that don’t make any sense to him. He is anxious at the idea of coming home for the Ostara break, his mother has been speaking about introducing him to people loyal to their cause and he feels the weight of his parents’ expectations. He steps into the shower, letting the water wash away his worries, scolding his skin, forcing himself to recenter his thoughts. When he gets out of the bathroom, the dormitory is still plunged in a dark green hue as the sun barely gets through the depths of the lake. He puts on his school robes and his shoes when all of the sudden, they seem to tighten around his feet. Sirius looks at them with a suspicious expression as the shoes slowly turn a bright orange color, black stripes appearing all over them. He tries to get them off but they just keep on tightening up, the shoelaces won’t budge as well. He gets up, shaking his feet, taking a step when a scream comes out of seemingly nowhere.

“ Yeaaaaaah! ”

He stops. He can hear the mumbling “What the fuck?” coming from Mulciber’s bed. He looks down at his feet once more, taking another step.

“ Yeah! ”

“Keep it down, Black!” comes Avery’s sleepy voice next.

“It’s not me, you moron!”

Sirius tests his theory, taking a few more steps, reaching for the door out of their room. 

“ Whoa!"

“ Whoa! ”

“Whoa!”

“Whoa!”

”All night long, you've been looking at me

Well, you know you're the dance hall cutie that you longed to be…”

His bloody shoes are singing. No way. He makes it into the common room, half of the Slytherin students of his year are either walking around, the same song seeming to be coming out of everyone’s feet while the other half are pulling on their orange and black stripes shoes, hoping to get them off. It’s a cacophony but Sirius can make up the chorus emanating from his own shoes now:

”Your tiger feet

Your tiger feet

Your tiger feet

Well, alright!”

It’s clever. It’s stupid, but it’s a clever bit of magic. It’s got Lupin written all over it. He can’t help but smile a little. He was expecting retribution for the prank he had pulled on them but this is… Well it must have been quite a feat to accomplish, not only the right combination of spells but that means they probably snuck in everyone’s dorm last night. Honestly he’s impressed, not that he would ever admit it aloud. 

“ Finite Incantatem! ” he tries without any changes whatsoever. Of course, that would be too easy. 

After another twenty minutes of trying to get the curses off, he and a few other Slytherins give up and go in the direction of the Great Hall for breakfast. Sirius was hoping that walking it off might do the trick, but as of now, the song just keeps on playing on a loop, resonating through the stone walled corridors of the castle. As he enters the Great Hall, he’s met by astounded looks and puffs of laughter coming out of every direction. He tries to ignore them all, walking more swiftly which of course makes the song play louder. An annoyed looking Slughorn comes questioning his students about their melodious footwear who answer that they do not have the faintest idea as to how it came to be. Sirius just keeps his focus on his breakfast, buttering his piece of toast a bit harsher than necessary. At some point he can’t help himself anymore and his eyes glance over to the Gryffondor table and sure enough, all three of them are laughing and talking animatedly. He stares a second too long and Lupin catches him, a grin spreading on his face as he tips an imaginary hat in his direction. Sirius fumes on the inside. 

They have to spend the rest of the day like this, every step he takes, the song just continues on.

"Well, flash your warning lights just as long as you like

I know you're aching to be making me tonight

I've got a feeling in my knee, it's a feeling only you can please

There ain't no way I'm gonna let you outta my sight”

He was kicked out of the library by Madame Pince for being too loud even as he tried to explain that it wasn’t his fault, she wouldn’t hear it and told him he was disturbing the other students. He has tried at least twenty different spells to try and get his shoes off without success. On top of it all, the stupid song is now stuck in his brain, seeing as he’s heard it about three hundred times since this morning, he now knows the lyrics by heart. He just wants some calm and quiet he thinks as he makes his way to a secluded part of the grounds behind the greenhouses. As he turns the corner of greenhouse four, he stops dead in his tracks. Lupin is leaning against the glass, smoking what looks like a muggle cigarette. The rage that has slowly been building up since breakfast starts to come up as Sirius strides to come stand before him. Lupin doesn’t startle seeing as he probably heard him coming from a mile away and a small laugh tumbles out of his mouth between two puffs of smoke. 

“Yes, very funny, now get them to stop.” Sirius says, trying to keep his composure.

Lupin’s eyes flash with mischief as he answers simply that he has no clue what Sirius is on about. 

“I know you and your band of blithering idiots are responsible for this!” Sirius has pulled out his wand and is now aiming it right under Lupin’ chin. The boy doesn’t even flinch. He’s a whole head taller than Sirius so he looks down at him, a wry smile on his face. “You make it stop, now, or I’ll curse your head off.” he says through gritted teeth. 

“Now, now, Black, that’s not very sportsmanlike of you.” Lupin just takes another drag on his fag, holding the smoke then exhaling it in Sirius’ face. He only just realizes how close he’s standing from Lupin as he takes a couple of steps back, fanning the smoke away. “Besides, it’ll stop on its own after midnight, don’t get your panties in a twist.”

Sirius recoils a bit at the expression and the admission of guilt. He glares at him, huffing a strand of hair out of his face. Lupin grinds his cigarette under his shoes, and starts walking back the way Sirius came.

“Besides, I really love your tiger feet.” he says chuckling as he passes Sirius.

Sirius realizes he just quoted the song.

Chapter Text

Monday 4th of August 1980

Their cousin is either an evil genius mastermind or Regulus has gotten the whole Horcrux theory wrong. It took her less than two days after meeting with Lupin and his brother for Narcissa to steal the diary belonging to the Dark Lord that was hidden in her husband’s study. Although hidden seems to be an overstatement, as he just had it in the top drawer of his desk. She decided to leave her husband in light of his infidelity, and was due to head for France in just a couple of days. Narcissa made them promise to never utter her name in connection with what they were doing to anyone, in the Order or otherwise. Getting the journal brought two new challenges that themselves brought on more research.

“Tom Marvolo Riddle.” Sirius says through the mirror, his fingers tracing the golden letters on the cover of the journal. 

“Marvolo? That doesn’t sound very muggle.” Potter says, Regulus next to him, nods in agreement.

“Not only that but the bloody thing is just blank.” he fans out the book, revealing indeed blank pages.

“That’s strange.” Regulus says.

“Yeah, it’s as if no one has ever used it.” Remus answers. “But it reeks of dark magic so that’s definitely what we’ve been looking for.”

“What do you mean it reeks?” Regulus asks, brows furrowed.

“Let's not get hung up on details, shall we?” his brother dismisses Regulus’ question, grabbing for the mirror and walking around. “Now, what I want to know is how do we destroy this thing?”

“No idea.” Regulus has been searching for more information concerning the illusive dark magic surrounding the making and possible destroying of Horcruxes. The issue is that there’s very little to be found on the subject. From what he gathered, the only one other known wizard was able to produce a Horcrux had been Herpo the Foul.

“Oh!” Potter exclaims, suddenly standing and running up the stairs. Regulus can hear him loudly going about the upper level of his house and a few seconds later, he’s speeding down again like an energetic toddler. “Here!” he brandishes a chocolate frog card, practically shoving it in Regulus’ face who bats it away as a reflex. 

“No, read it!” he says, panting from all that sprinting. 

Regulus takes the card, reading the back of it.

“Herpo the Foul was an ancient Dark wizard from Greece, infamous for being able to speak Parseltongue, he pioneered many dark magical practices, including the creation of many vile curses and the first ever Basilisk. His mastery of the Dark Arts made him one of the most feared sorcerers of his time. Though long gone, his dark legacy endures, influencing generations of Dark wizards who followed in his footsteps.”

He turns it back around, glancing at a tiny yellow-eyed wizard dressed in a togue, then back at James Potter who just smiles proudly.  “Yes, very good James, thank you.” he praises him. He hears a chuckle coming from the otherside of the mirror and throws a dark look at his brother. 

“We’ll let you know if we find anything else.” he leaves the mirror on the table, going back to the sunroom to continue his reading.

Potter joins him a few minutes later and sits on the floor next to Regulus’ wicker chair, handing him a cup of tea that Regulus takes silently. Like the impatient child that he is, Potter doesn’t seem to be able to just enjoy the silence. He starts peppering Regulus with questions about what they have just discussed with Lupin and Sirius. Regulus doesn’t answer which seems to encourage him even more for some reason. He grinds his teeth trying to remain calm as he watches from the corner of his eye Potter picking up one of his books right after he’s shoved a tea cake in his mouth, his fingers still covered in buttery crumbs. Regulus snatches his book back, setting it down out of reach. Potter pouts. He goes for another book and in a move so clumsy that Regulus would never have believed he was a Chaser if he hadn’t seen it for himself, Potter spills his cup of tea on an ancient tome. Regulus loses it.

“You absolute daft cretin!” he exclaims, directly getting up to try to find something to blot out and save what’s left of the precious works. Potter is apologizing profusely, running to the kitchen and coming back with enough towels to bury Regulus under. “Don’t touch it anymore, you’ve done enough!” he spits. He’s so angry, he doesn’t want to be here anymore, he feels trapped, he can’t breathe,... He feels numb and all wired up at the same time. Suddenly, he’s in the midst of a meltdown, in front of Potter of all people. He needs to get out of here. He gets up swiftly, Potter is just staring at him, mouth ajar, a frightened expression on his face. Regulus practically runs to get outside, he doesn’t notice right away that Potter has followed him.

“You━ Why can’t you just━ Fucking leave me alone!”

He can’t breathe…

He can’t breathe.

He’s clawing at his chest, his breath is coming in short bursts through sobs. How embarrassing , he can hear his mother’s voice in his head. Stop embarrassing yourself, Regulus. He’s squeezing his eyes shut, pressing the heel of his hands on them, willing the voice to go away. He jolts as he feels a palm coming to rest gently on his sternum. The hand follows each breath that he takes, his chest rising and falling. It’s warm, he can feel it through his shirt. He opens his eyes to find Potter, touching him, breathing deeply. He should recoil, he normally would, he doesn’t understand why he doesn’t. Another sob makes his way up his throat but Potter just stays there, looking him in the eyes as he inhales and exhales slowly. He starts trying to match him, Potter takes Regulus’ hand and places it on his own chest, to show him the cadence. Regulus is so confused as to what is happening but he still goes along with it. After a few minutes, he drops his hand and Potter does the same. 

Potter breaks the silence, his voice soft as to not spook Regulus. “I used to have panic attacks before I would play Quidditch in the beginning. My friend Frank, our old captain, he’s the one who showed me this. It would help.” He makes a move to go sit on the bench that’s facing the garden. “I’m sorry I ruined your book. I’m sorry you’re here when you don’t want to be. I’m sorry, Regulus.”

Regulus just regards him quietly. He feels ashamed for having a breakdown in front of him, he just wants to Obliviate himself and Potter. Why can’t he just be normal? 

“Regulus?”

“I’m fine, Potter.” he forces out, his voice breaks a little at the end so he knows he doesn’t sound very convincing. 

“Ok.” Then he adds “Would you just call me James? Seeing as we kind of live together, I think it’s about time.”

“Sure… James.” 

Regulus gets back to the sunroom and starts assessing the damage. A couple of books have been soaked in black tea, Regulus picks one up and opens it to a random page, trying to see if there’s anything to salvage. His eyes automatically go over the text and get caught on something.

“ The Gaunt family, a once-proud lineage descending directly from Salazar Slytherin, was notorious for their unwavering belief in blood purity and their gradual descent into obscurity. By the twentieth century, the Gaunts had become a shadow of their former selves—impoverished, volatile, and isolated.
Marvolo Gaunt, the last patriarch to bear the family name with pride, was survived by his two children, Morfin and Merope. All three Gaunts were known to reside in Little Hangleton. Morfin, much like his father, exhibited erratic behavior and a deep-seated hatred for Muggles. His reckless use of magic and violent tendencies ultimately led to his downfall, as he was sentenced to Azkaban for attacking a Muggle—a crime that marked the beginning of the Gaunt bloodline's final unraveling. Merope’s fate is unknown although it is rumored that she ultimately met her demise but not before birthing a child from a love affair with a Muggle.”

“Marvolo.” Regulus whispers, his fingers grazing the words on the page. “Marvolo!” he shouts. “James! Marvolo!” he brandishes the book, still dripping with tea. 

James comes back inside, clearly alarmed by the sudden yelling. Regulus opens the book back up, shoving it under James’ nose, a bright smile on his face. “Marvolo!”

It takes a minute for James to read the excerpt, his eyes snapping back up when he’s done, a smile matching Regulus’.

“Marvolo!” James is laughing, a crazy sort of laugh that first startles Regulus. Then they’re both laughing, hard, James is whooping like a sixteen year old girl, Regulus laughs even harder, they’re both just screaming “Marvolo!”. Regulus can’t remember the last time he laughed like this, if ever. James grabs him, catching him around the waist and hoists him up, jumping in joy. Regulus yelps in surprise, banging his fists on James.

“Put me down, you twat!” he’s not laughing anymore. His stomach flips.

“Sorry!” James says, setting him back on the ground, still wheezing. 

They’re both panting, Regulus feels high after this rollercoaster of emotions, his cheeks are warm and he is dizzy with promises that the sudden discovery brings.

“What does this mean?” James wonders aloud. 

“That Voldemort might be a Gaunt.” Regulus answers, a spark of hope swelling in his chest. 

Later that evening as they eat sitting on the floor of the sunroom, surrounded by books and documents, they debrief what information they’ve been able to gather searching further into the Black records. 

“What?” James asks for what must be the hundredth time.

Regulus sighs exasperated. “Try and understand what I am telling you before one of us dies.” He’s rubbing at his temples, James is exhausting.

“I am! But this incestuous thing is really putting me off.” he says with an air of disgust.

Regulus explains once again the history behind the Gaunts family ties, and the reason for their ultimate demise. 

“See, in my family we’ve added just enough outsiders to the inbreeding, so as to keep all of us from going insane. Although that depends who you ask.” he finishes, thinking of his cousin Bella.

“Ok so, they all died off then?”

“It would seem like that’s the case.” Regulus sits back in his chair, pensive. “It’s no coincidence that the name Marvolo appears on the cover of the Dark Lord’s diary, even in the wizarding world, it isn't a common name. If we are to believe the rumor, then Merope Gaunt had a child. I think it makes sense to theorize that said child could be Tom Riddle.”

James considers him. “Then we should send Remus and your brother to Little Hangleton, find out more.”

Regulus agrees, it seems like the best course of action. They agree to call Lupin and Sirius in the morning. 

The conversation takes a turn when Regulus mentions something in passing about Quidditch. James, who apparently doesn’t need much to get excited goes on a tangent about their time in Hogwarts and the Quidditch matches they occasionally played against each other. 

“No, really I thought you would have made pro!” he says with enthusiasm.

“No way. Many Blacks have played but none of them ended up pro, it isn’t a proper profession for an aristocrat. And honestly I thought you would have been the one to make it to a pro team, like Puddlemere United or the Appleby Arrows…” he trails off, pushing a curl out of his eyes when he notices James’ expression grow sad.

“I would have. If it wasn’t for the war, I think I would have liked that.” The atmosphere grows a bit more somber, the weight of what they are doing coming back to haunt them. Regulus has been feeling torn between what he knew and what he is now doing. He catches himself multiple times a day, his thoughts drifting to his home, his parents, their expectations, what is and should be proper… He wonders if it is the same for Sirius. If he struggles with a feeling of inadequacy, if his mind constantly reminds him of the mistakes he’s making and that whatever good he does, it will never erase the bad he and his family have done. A hand lands on his knee and he jerks back into reality.

“Hey, you’re okay?” James asks.

Regulus clears his throat, straightening up, he shifts so James is no longer touching him. He quashes whatever comes up, not letting it breathe the air it begs for. He can’t let it come up.

He goes to his room, feigning fatigue from the long day of research. James nods and wishes him good night. Regulus falls asleep, plagued by dreams of embraces, hands and wry smiles.

━━━

Saturday 31st of May 1975

“I’m just saying, in a fight, a werewolf would probably win.”

“There’s no way mate, that’s just ridiculous! Dementors don’t even really have a body and can consume people’s souls, they would absolutely win in a fight against a werewolf!”

“Exactly ! People’s souls! But a werewolf… Who knows? It’s two dark creatures against each other, but my money would be on the werewolf.”

“You’re stupid.”

Barty cackles, tousling Evan’s hair “Might be stupid but you love me!”. Evan tries to swat him away and Regulus catches the smallest blush appearing on Evan’s cheekbones. Sometimes he just wants to smash both of their heads together and just tell them to kiss already. But no, they need to figure it out on their own. 

“What do you think, Reg?”

“Oh no, I’m not joining this idiotic debate, I’m here to fly.” he answers Barty, as they make their way down to the Quidditch pitch. Since Regulus was five, he has been wanting to make it on Slytherin’s team, now being their new Seeker, he’s been asking for some help from his friend to perfect his technique. Evan has already been on the team for almost two years as a Beater and Regulus is so grateful for the pointers he’s been giving him. He wants to be the best, he wants to prove to himself that he can excel. He wants to prove to his brother that he can excel. Sirius has been playing since his second year as a Chaser, one of the best Slytherin has ever seen. There’s a lot of expectation, seeing as almost all the Blacks before him have made it on the team. His cousin Bella was a fierce Beater, Bludgers always made more damage when she was playing. Narcissa beat the school record of fastest caught Snitch in history, under two minutes after the start of the game. Regulus wants to beat that record so bad. His parents believe that Quidditch is a waste of time but they allow it as Sirius has persuaded them that it was a good way to secure good connections and establish lifetime bonds with your teammates. Because after all, competition makes for good friends. 

He leaves Evan and Barty to their bickering, walking to the locker room so he can grab a set of Bludgers and a Snitch. He rummages through the big cupboard where he knows Madame Hooch keeps the spare balls for training sessions. He hears a noise behind him, thinking it must be Evan coming to see what’s taking so long he says “I can’t find the bloody Bludgers, is there anywhere else Hooch might keep them?”

“Uhm, I borrowed them, sorry, they’re yours.”

He swivels quickly, startled, a hand coming up as his heart beats out of his chest. In front of him stands a half naked James Potter. Water is dripping from his dark curls, droplets rolling off his olive skin, from his shoulders to the dip of his hips. Regulus’ mouth goes very dry. His eyes can’t seem to stop roaming over what’s in front of him. He snaps himself out of it, setting his features back into a mask of indifference. 

“What are you doing here? I reserved the pitch.” his voice comes out a bit strangled so he clears his throat discreetly.

“Right, yes, I’m just finishing up, as you can see.” he chuckles, gesturing to himself. Regulus doesn’t see what’s funny. He’s trying very hard not to look at the towel hanging off Potter’s hips.

“Yes, well, get on with it.” he waves a hand in his direction, dismissing him and forcing himself to look away. 

“Yes, sir.” he answers with a wry smile. Idiot , Regulus thinks. 

Potter comes closer to him, every senses in Regulus’ body are screaming, yet he stands frozen in place. Panic must be obvious on his face though because Potter points to one of the lockers right behind where Regulus is standing. “That would be me. D’you mind?” The next series of events happen way too fast for Regulus’ brain to process in real time: Potter drops his towel, standing stark naked next to Regulus, who takes a step back, nearly tumbling when his feet get caught in his broom. He turns around, giving some privacy to the boy in front of him even though he doesn’t really seem to need or want it. 

“You just made the team this year, right?” Potter asks in the most casual way. 

Regulus stutters as he tries to answer. “Yes. S━Seeker.” He looks up, staring at the ceiling of the tent, counting the small diamonds forming the pattern, trying to gain some control back. What in Merlin’s name is happening to him? “Are you nearly done? I don’t have all day.” he snaps, now growing impatient. 

“Sorry, yeah. I left the kit out on the bench there.” he points out.

Regulus doesn’t thank him, he just goes for the Quidditch equipment, making his way out onto the pitch as fast as humanly possible. 

“What took you so long?” Barty asks from the stands next to the exit tunnel.

Regulus mumbles an excuse about not being able to find the kit, mounting his broom and kicking off hard, soaring in the air. He pushes himself further than he’s ever had, tries tricky manoeuvres, takes risks where he normally wouldn't. When he makes it back to the castle in his sweat soaked Quidditch attire, he takes a cold shower, scrubbing his skin raw, pushing away the images that keep flashing in his mind. He doesn’t have the time, the will or the luxury to analyze them anyway. When he goes to bed that night however, he cannot escape the dreams of dark skin, water droplets and wry smiles.

━━━

Thursday 7th of August 1980

Remus is walking around the forest, looking for wild mushrooms near fallen trees. Mushroom hunting reminds him of Autumn in Wales, searching together with his mother for chicken of the woods or oyster mushrooms. Even though she was a Muggle, Remus believed she must have had a bit of magic within her, her knowledge of nature was always so fascinating. She would prattle on about what mushroom to pick, which ones to leave behind, to respect the woods and not pick it if there was only one mushroom, allowing it to propagate. As it turns out, the knowledge she passed on to her son is coming in handy as they’ve been camping for two weeks and Remus is already growing tired of canned beans.

He strolls back into their camp, happy with his harvest, and finds Sirius sitting just outside the tent. He seems to be scribbling on something and as Remus gets closer he discovers with horror that he is writing in Tom Riddle’s diary.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” he says, ripping it out of his hands and tossing it on the forest ground.

“Remus, it’s fine. It’s actually sentient, you can ask it questions, look!” He has a crazed look on his face and Remus knows directly that something is wrong. 

“Sirius, you shouldn’t be touching it, much less write in it. You don’t know what this thing is capable of, it’s a dark artefact, for all you know it can bewitch you.”

“Or it can give us an insight into Voldemort’s mind, his weaknesses or past!”

“No, leave it. In fact, we should destroy it, not learn from it. Have you tried any spells on it yet?”

Sirius’ mouth is drawn into a line, he looks frustrated at being told off like a child. But Remus knows he’s right. As a dark creature himself, he can feel that the journal would bring nothing but evil, just like who it belongs to. He turns around, casting an Incendio in its direction for it to make only a crackling sound but sustaining no damage. He tries a Bombarda , the diary just jumps in the air and tumbles back down, unharmed. He casts a Confringo , a Reducto and a series of nasty hexes and curses next, but nothing seems to affect it. Remus frowns, starting to get irritated by the Horcrux. Sirius gets up, clearly dealing with his own frustrations.

“I’m telling you! How are we supposed to beat him if we don’t learn everything that we can about the Dark Lord?”

Remus turns around, facing him, “Because Sirius, that’s how people get hurt!” he shouts, panting. “I have lost enough people, I’m not adding anymore to the fucking list!”

“Well have you stopped to think that maybe not everyone should or will make it out?! Sometimes you have to do what you can to survive even if that means hurting people!”

“Do you mean like killing Peter?!”

The shouting match gets to an abrupt stop. How did we get to this , he wonders. Remus is breathing so hard, the extra oxygen is making his head swim. If he had to guess, his eyes are probably two glowing golden orbs right now. He can feel the wolf growl in the depth of his stomach, it claws at his insides trying to make it out, telling him to maim, hurt, shred. Sirius is looking at him like a deer caught in headlights, he opens his mouth, words quietly tumbling out.

“That’s not fair. You know that I had no choice, Remus.”

He can’t help it, he goes on, knowing that it’s a mistake. “From where I was it looked like you made a choice.”

“To save you!”

“It wasn’t your job to do so!”

This is going nowhere, just stop, R emus thinks. He goes back in the tent, not wanting to be around Sirius right now. Unfortunately, Sirius doesn’t seem to get the message as he follows him, wanting to continue with their discussion.

“All I ever did was to protect you and Regulus. All the atrocities, all of the dark spells, all the killing and torturing.”

Maim, hurt, shred , the wolf demands.

“Or maybe it’s just something you tell yourself to justify all the terrible shit you’ve done. Deep down you might have even enjoyed it, having power over the people you’ve hurt.”

“Is that what you think of me?” The pain is clear on Sirius’ face.

“I don’t know what to think of you anymore, Sirius.” 

Remus has had enough, he goes to his side of the tent, spelling the curtain shut and putting up a silencing charm as he feels the tears coming up. Anger and sadness get so mixed up and twisted in his chest, he just wants to crack his ribs open and scoop it all out.

Chapter Text

Sunday 10th of August 1980

Regulus wakes up in a bad mood. He had another bout of insomnia, and can’t place the why, but he just doesn’t have the will to face the day. Nonetheless, he gets up, makes his bed once, removes the sheets, makes his bed twice, tries to resist making it a third time and fails. He goes downstairs, still rubbing at his eyes and trying to keep a yawn away. As he steps into the kitchen, his heart lurches at the sight: every surface is just covered in dishes and food rests, he notices that the floor is also wet because he of course steps into whatever liquid has been spilled. Anger starts to rise inside him at the same time as the nagging voice of his mother “ Neat, tidy, Regulus. ”. He doesn’t want to do it, but it’s stronger than him. He collects the plates, cutlery and various bowls, casting an Aguamenti in the sink, adding some soap to it. After casting another cleaning spell so that the dishes wash themselves, he sends a couple of Scourgifies at the floor and counters. It doesn’t feel like it’s enough. He gets on his hands and knees, grabbing a sponge and starts scrubbing. If his mother could see him right now, she would be ashamed. Her son, on the floor, scrubbing like a house elf. It makes him just scrub harder, trying to cast away the mental image of her standing over him, barrating him. “ Neat, tidy, Regulus ”. He scrubs, and scrubs, swipes at his forehead to remove the sweat, scrubs some more, faster. There’s a noise behind him and he jolts, his knee slipping on the soapy trail and lands on his side with a thud. 

“Oh! Are you okay?” James is next to him in an instant, a look of concern all over his features.

“No, I’m not okay!” Regulus answers, swatting him away.

James jerks back, confused by Regulus’ aggressive tone. Regulus hates that he always looks at him like this, like a puppy caught doing something they ought not to, but not understanding the wrong in their action. It infuriates him. It also… No. No, not thinking about that.

“Who leaves a kitchen in this state ?!” Regulus gets up with less grace than he’d wish for, red in the face as he points at where the mess used to be.

“Uh━ I was━ You didn’t have to do it, I would have taken care of it!” James fumbles, trying to make excuses. It’s annoying.

“Yes, well, you didn’t now, did you?! How are we supposed to live like this? You have no regard for others or your environment! It’s like you absolutely cannot be bothered in the slightest! Salazar, you’re just so infuriating, why━” Regulus is stopped mid-rant by James looking at him with a dopey smile. Then he just starts snickering. Oh Regulus wants to hit him. Hard. 

“James Potter, what the fuck is so funny?!” He’s fuming now but it apparently spurs James on who’s now fully laughing.

“You just━ Ha!━ You sound just like her!” he says, an arm around his middle as he wheezes. 

Regulus looks at him in utter bewilderment, “What do you mean, who?!” he’s exasperated, his patience is wearing thin. But then something shifts. James' laughter gets jerky, his face contorts and shifts, his eyebrows crease and he starts… crying? Now, Regulus is really confused.

“M━ My mum…” James' face crumbles and he starts to sob. He looks like a child dealing with a huge heartbreak and it occurs to Regulus that he is, in some sort of way. They all are children. Emotionally stunted children who never got to properly grow up, were shoved into this mess by those older than them. Regulus feels his pain without truly knowing it. He asks himself if he would have this reaction to one of his parents dying but quickly dismisses the idea, remembering who they are and how they raised him and his brother.

James is now on the ground, sitting across from Regulus on the kitchen floor, knees drawn to his chest. Regulus doesn’t know what to do, he’s never had to console anyone before. Sirius used to console him growing up, he’s also seen Evan and Barty console each other over the years but he’s always felt like the role wasn’t his. Consoling is for adequate people, those wiser than him who can offer support and advice. He decides to reach a tentative hand on his shoulder which keeps shaking with every sob.

“There, there…” Oh he sounds stupid. Who says “there, there”? But surprisingly, it does the trick. Next thing he knows, James has reached out and pulled him into a hug. Regulus is uncomfortable. James has a large frame that swallows him, and he doesn’t do physical touch. But James just holds on to him, both arms circling Regulus’ slender form. The crook of his neck smells like cinnamon, soil and the sun. Regulus tenses even more. James' tears seem to slow down and his embrace slackens a bit, Regulus tries to extract himself from his hug but James doesn’t really let him. He tries something else, letting one hand come up to James’ head, he lays it at the base of his skull where his curls end and his skin is warm. Regulus can feel his fingers tingle, his heart is beating fast then he panics wondering if James can hear it. The boy finally comes up for air, untangling himself from Regulus.

“Oh…” he says, pointing at Regulus’ shirt, now full of tears and… snot?

“It’s fine.” he answers (even though it isn’t, ew .), sending a quick Scourgify to his shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.” James' words are so honest, his eyes still watery, his mouth pouting a bit. He really looks younger than he actually is.

“No, I’m sorry.” Regulus can only answer with the same amount of honesty. “I have a bit of an issue with uh━ tidying.” he says the last word through gritted teeth, but James doesn’t seem to notice.

“My mum, she━” he sniffs, “she used to scold me like this, especially when I left a mess.” he chuckles.

Regulus gives him a sad smile which James returns. In the spirit of sharing, Regulus tells him about an anecdote from his youth.

“My mother would do more than scolding.” Regulus offers still smiling, “in fact, I remember the first ━and only━ time I tried to make a cake. Kreacher, our house elf, had gone to do some errands and I wanted to surprise him, I think it might have been his birthday? Anyway, Mother caught me making a mess out of the kitchen, she got so mad she cast a few Lacero, I still got the scars.” he pulls his pant leg, showing the crisscrossed white scars on his calf. When he looks up at James, he understands immediately that it was a mistake. He just stares at him horrified and shame washes over Regulus as he quickly pulls the fabric of his trousers back down, smoothing it over.

“She━ what? Because you made a cake?”

He nods. Regulus should know better, he berates himself. He’s aware that all pureblood families are strict but he found out early on during his schooling at Hogwarts that the Black family was especially severe and rigorous. 

“How old were you?” He can see the fear in James’ eyes as he waits for an answer Regulus doesn’t want to give.

“Five? I think.” he cringes at the sound of his voice.

The reaction he witnesses is not one he expected. James gets up fast, a dark look in his eyes, his whole body tense. A hand comes up pulling at his hair a bit as he says “F━ Fucking five?!” 

Regulus is even more uncomfortable now than a few minutes ago when James was hugging him. He first mistakes James’ reaction for pity but it becomes clear that what he is feeling is anger as he goes on. 

“She cursed you when you were five ?! What kind of a mother does this to her child?” He’s pacing back and forth in front of Regulus.

“She just━ she liked her house to be tidy, neat.” Tidy, neat, Regulus. He grimaces at his choice of words, hearing them echo in his mind. “She just has standards which she likes to uphold, that’s it.”

“Why are you defending her?! She’s a fucking monster! She’s the woman who was willing to sacrifice you for the cause she and your family believes in!”

Regulus, now also standing, takes a step back, alarmed by his tone and offended by his response. “And how is this any different from what the order and Dumbledore has done?!” he throws back, his words stinging like venom. 

James looks at him, eyebrows knitted together. “Regulus, we chose this. Me, Remus,... Peter. Marlene and Dorcas. Lily. We all made the choice to fight, none of us were forced into it. We wanted to make the world better.” he says, his eyes pleading for Regulus to see his truth. 

“But did you? Have a choice, I mean? Did we, any of us? This war has been going on well before we finished school. In my eyes there was no choice, whether or not you were born in it.” he finishes, deflating with the emotions that the conversation carried. 

He sees James do the same, understanding his meaning. “I guess. We’ll never know if we did have a choice, in the end. But you had a choice to help us, to stop them.”

Regulus shifts on the spot, feeling insecure about his role in his brother’s plan. “Did I really? Or did I just follow along with what Sirius wanted?” As usual , he thinks.

James comes closer again, looking down at his face, he takes Regulus’ hand in his. “You are here, you are helping, you are doing research. You are feeding our coffee addiction. Seriously, you have to show me how the bloody Muggle thing works, I really don’t get it…” he says, laughing, Regulus chuckles along. “Regulus, do not underestimate your role in all of this. You are doing a lot.” he says.

Regulus doesn’t want to feel the warmth blooming in his chest but it seems like it’s here to stay. It would be so much easier if James was mean and stupid.

“I think we need a break. From being cooped up in the house, I mean.” James cast a couple of charms around the kitchen, letting it clean itself from the remaining mess. “I got an idea!” he says with enthusiasm. This constant state of happiness feels so strange to Regulus but he’s slowly starting to understand that he just needs to go along with it.

“What?” he drawls in his most aristocratic tone.

“When was the last time you flew? I mean just for the sake of flying?”

Regulus’ face splits into a grin.

They spend the rest of the afternoon flying around the small Quidditch pitch behind the orchard. For the first time in almost two years, Regulus feels alive. The wind going through his hair, the feeling of weightlessness that comes with flying this fast, the sensation of his stomach dropping and the adrenaline rushing through his veins when he attempts intense manoeuvres. Regulus thinks, not for the first time, that if the war hadn’t been and his parents weren’t who they were, this is what he would have done with his life.

James is as good as he remembers, not that he would tell him this much. He flies effortlessly as if he’s spent his whole life on a broom which is probably a correct assumption. Regulus is taken aback as he watches him execute a perfect Wronski Feint, a move famous for being incredibly dangerous. He flies over, catching up to him. 

“Where did you learn to do that? You’re a Chaser, not a Seeker!”

James grins, “From you, actually.”

Regulus just stares back, again surprised by James’ honesty. 

“Come on, let’s go, I bet I can beat you now!” James starts flying high, laughing. 

“Oh, in your dreams, Potter!” Regulus chases after him, keeping close. James lent him one of his old brooms, a Comet 220 that he has kept in perfect condition. He races him upward until the pitch looks like a small square, James stops, hovering as he looks at Regulus.

“Last one to pull up loses?” he says with insouciance.

They lock eyes, Regulus’ heart thunders in his ribcage. He licks his lips before smiling broadly. “Watch and learn, Potter.”

Within half a second, Regulus drops down, leaning forward flat on his broom, pushing it to give everything it's got. He can hear the other boy behind him hollering and whooping as the ground gets closer and closer. Seeing as James has a better performing broom model, he catches up with him. They now fly alongside each other, the euphoria of the moment spursing them on, diving faster than they should. Regulus can see the moment James’ ego falters and a second later, he pulls his broom up, maybe two meters or so above the pitch. Regulus laughs as he does the same just after James, effectively winning the challenge. They both eventually land, laying down in the grass still chuckling.

“Incredible.” James exhales, still out of breath.

“I know. I love flying.” Regulus answers. 

James’ head turns to face him, “No… You. You are incredible.” 

Regulus doesn’t speak, he just stares back. He can feel a blush coming up from his neck to his face as he gets up fast. 

“We should uh━ get back.” rubbing the back of his neck and grabbing his broom, Regulus takes long strides across the field. James follows him silently as they make it back to the cottage. 

When they get inside, James looks like he’s about to say something but before he can utter so much as a word, Regulus cuts him off: “Do you mind if I get into the shower first?” he asks. 

“Uh━ yeah, no, go ahead.” he answers, an arm showing the way. 

Regulus takes the stairs two at the time and locks himself in the bathroom. Turning his back, he leans against the door, he’s still breathing hard; whether it’s from the flying or James’ words, he doesn’t know. He shuts his eyes, willing his brain to catch up, to breath, to calm down. 

You’re incredible.

He can’t think about it, he shouldn’t. He turns on the tap, steps into the shower and lets water run down his face, neck and torso. He sets a hand above his heart, he can feel the words reverberate inside. He wants to keep them in, forever, protect them, never forget them. 

━━━

Saturday 21st of June 1975

James wakes up in the best mood ever. Today marks the final game of the year and if they do this right, they will win the cup. He hops out of bed, careful not to wake Remus who Merlin knows needs his sleep before the full moon tomorrow and Peter who’s still snoring loudly. He dresses quickly in his Quidditch gear and tiptoes down to the common room. 

“Alright, Potter? Ready?” Marlene is as excited as him. He grins back, high fiving her.

“You bet your ass McKinnon!”

They get down to the Great Hall, seeing as it’s around six o’clock in the morning, it is quite empty except for a couple of Slytherin from the opposite team. They stare as the two Gryffindor go to sit at their table. James serves himself a hefty breakfast and guzles down two cups of coffee. 

“We just need to focus on their Chasers, I’m telling you…” Marlene trails off. 

“D’you know if Lily is coming to the game?” James asks innocently. It is apparently not innocent enough because Marlene’s expression switches instantly to a bored one. 

“I don’t know.” she says, mouth full of croissant. 

“Don’t you two reside in the same dorm?”

“Well I’m not her keeper, James. Give it a rest, will you?” she answers, pointing at him with what’s left of her half eaten pastry.

He gives her a coy smile, going back to his cup of coffee. His eyes scan the Slytherin table, snagging on the young Black who’s staring back. A second later, he averts his gaze, himself going back to his breakfast. James snickers, figuring that his intimidating look has worked.
Mary ends up joining them about an hour later with Lily in tow. They are both fully dressed in Gryffindor regalia, ready to cheer on their home team. James can’t help himself as he smiles like an idiot at Lily who just plainly ignores him, focusing rather on her girlfriends. 

“We’ll be cheering you on, Marlene, couldn’t miss the last game of the season!”, Mary says knocking shoulders with James’ beater. Marlene just beams back, asking the girls about the party tonight.

“I’m setting an age charm on the alcohol tonight though, can’t have a repeat of last time.” Lily says with her stern prefect voice. James swoons, he likes her authoritative tone, sue him.

A couple of Ravenclaws pass their table, one of them stopping to talk to Marlene. 

“Good luck today, Marlene” she offers with a shy smile. Marlene instantly reddens in the face, mumbling a thank you as she tucks a strand of blond hair behind her ear. Mary chuckles as the Ravenclaw girl walks away, looking back at Marlene. 

Mary leans closer “Oh she so is flirting with you.”, Marlene swatting her over the arm “Shut up!”

“Isn’t that Dorcas Meadows? Lily asks innocently, “I heard she’s made top three in H.O.W.L.S. last year” she adds, a tint of jealousy in her words. 

“You didn’t make the top three?” James asks, curious. Wrong thing to say. Lily just shoots him a dark look.

“No. Fourth.”

Only Lily Evans would be disappointed with making fourth , he thinks. James gets up swiftly, spotting Remus and Peter making their way across the Hall, waving a hand in their direction. 

“You’re acting as if they don’t know where we would be seating” Mary chastises him as she drags him back to a sitting position. “Seriously, so embarrassing.”

“I can’t help it Mary, I love them oh so much, can’t live a minute without my best friends.” James tells her sarcastically although there’s definitely more truth to it then he would admit to her. 

Peter and Remus settle next to James, both looking overly tired even though it’s almost eight. He teases them but quickly regrets it as Remus throws a well aimed pancake at his face. He decides to leave them to their breakfast and both him and Marlene get going in direction of the pitch, waving their friends goodbye.

James loves the feel of fresh air in the morning, the smell of grass and the leather of his kit on match day. He thinks that when he gets to smell Amortentia in his class next year, it will smell exactly like that. He mounts his broom, warming up by doing a few loops around the stadium. Marlene goes up with him, her bat hanging off the front of her broom as they toss the quaffle around. A few minutes into it, he spots a couple of Slytherin coming down from the castle to probably warm up as well. Since they’ve been doing the same for about half an hour James thinks it’s just good sportsmanship to give them a turn. He makes it down onto the field to say just that when Mulciber, the Slytherin captain, comes looking for trouble. 

“You ready to get fucking crushed, Potter?” he jeers, his posey snickering along, except for both Black brothers who seem more bored than anything else. James doesn’t rise to the bait, he knows that once they’ll be in the air, he’ll have the upperhand. 

“Pitch is yours, Mulciber.” James makes for the locker room, Marlene coming along.

“It’ll be a pleasure to see you land on your ass, Potter. Is your mudblood girlfriend coming to see it happen?”

The word rings in his ears, echoing in his head. Before Mulciber can even utter another sound, James launches at him. His fist connects with his jaw but he’s quickly pulled off by Marlene while simultaneously being pushed off by Sirius Black who stands between the two boys. 

“How about we just keep this energy for the game, uh?” he says to Mulciber, one hand on his chest to hold him back. Mulciber just gives him a dark look, wiping the blood off his mouth with the back of his hand, spitting on the ground in lieu of an answer. 

Marlene drags James to the changing room, berating him the whole way back.

“If Hooch would have seen you that’s it, the match would have been annulled ! No cup!”

“I know.” he answers, still frowning, “but you heard what he said about Lily. I couldn’t just stand there and do nothing.”

Marlene deflates a little, eyes softening as she says “James… It isn’t your job to defend her. She’s perfectly capable of doing it herself. We know things have been getting worse on that front, she reads the Daily Prophet like everyone else. But you going off like this just shows them that their words carry importance.”

James looks down at his shoes, shame coating his throat as he tries to find an answer. “I just━ she doesn’t deserve to be called that.”

“And you don’t need to be her knight in shining armor.”

He nods, understanding her meaning. 

“Now, let’s review our strategy.” she says as the rest of the Gryffindor team trickles in.

━━━

The game is tight, stuck at a 120-150 in favor of Gryffindor, neither team giving the other any room for easy scoring. James honestly expected as much, it being the most important match of the season. Either way, he’s on fire, maneuvering around the green robed players swiftly, quaffle under his arm, he passes to Emmeline Vance who catches it expertly aiming for another goal. Unfortunately, it gets kicked away by the Slytherin keeper. James flies a bit higher, doing a quick assessment of everyone’s position when he spots Regulus Black whizzing about the Ravenclaw tribunes. James hollers for Phoebe Dawson, their Seeker, who answers with a nod, speeding after the young Slytherin. Several players seem to have noticed the chase for the Snitch, the game starts to stall a bit, the Gryffindor team focusing on defence. Being distracted, James misses a pass as his eyes keep tracking Phoebe. Suddenly, Regulus Black plummets toward the ground, Phoebe following closely behind. They are both so fast, the entire stadium is just transfixed by the race between both Seekers. Out of the corner of his eye, James sees something golden glint, he whips his head finding the Snitch just fluttering right next to his head. He has no time to call for Phoebe as he sees Regulus Black perform a perfectly executed Wronski Feint, the Gryffindor Seeker falling for it and ultimately crashing on the grass. James can see the faint smile on Regulus Black’s face as he looks back, proud that his superchery has worked. James just stares, mouth ajar, in shock of what he just witnessed. He’s only ever seen a Wronski Feint at professional games, done by professional players, grown one at that, not fourteen year olds. The young Black spots him, eyes focused and James remembers that before the whole ordeal he had spotted the actual Snitch. In the split second it takes him to react, Regulus Black catches the Snitch, effectively ending the game. Their eyes connect as they hover next to each other, the young Seeker smirking as he holds the golden Snitch between his thumb and index.

“Better luck next time, Potter.” he says, winking at him. 

James is just left there in the air, in shock, his brain not understanding what just happened. 

 He sees the young Black brother flying down, getting jumped on by the rest of his team, cheering for him and their victory. 

“Incredible.”

Chapter Text

Saturday 19th of July 1975

Ever since the Tiger Feet prank, Sirius hasn't been able to get the tune out of his head. He will find himself humming it when doing mundane tasks and has to constantly catch himself out of fear that he will one day inadvertently do it in front of his mother. He’s been increasingly curious about music as well. He of course has listened to classical concertos and has even played many on the piano but it wasn’t the same. It didn’t make him feel something . He cannot place the feeling but he craves more of it. 

That particular day, Sirius finds himself in Diagon, Walburga has sent him to collect an order she had placed at Borgin & Burkes. He is to make his way to the shop and immediately floo back home after, through the Leaky Cauldron’s hearth. But Sirius doesn’t. He knows it’s stupid, he knows that if his parents find out he will pay for it but he can’t help himself. His mother is at a function at Malfoy Manor and his father is working, so he takes the risk. He ventures outside the Leaky, stepping on to the stoop looking around. He’s barely been around Muggles his entire life. His parents have always told him that they are filthy, idiotic beasts but as Sirius starts walking around the great city of London, he cannot believe his eyes. The first thing that strikes him is the sheer number of them. They’re everywhere. It’s overwhelming, he’s never been around so many people at once. He makes his way to the middle of a square, all around him are men and women bustling about, children trailing after their parents, shop windows screaming loudly with colors and lights, automobiles whizzing by on roads. It’s too much, he is seized with panic. He starts trying to retreat back to the Leaky but can’t find his way. He stops abruptly when he hears a melody coming out of a small street, his curiosity wins over his fear and he follows the music all the way to a small shop. There’s a man leaning against the storefront, a cigarette between his lips, his foot tapping in rhythm against the cobblestones. Sirius can’t help but be intrigued, he stops to look through the window. 

“Lookin’ for something in particular?” the man asks in a strong accent.

Sirius shakes his head. The man looks him up and down, taking in his appearance. 

“That’s one funny lookin’ coat there, mate.” he says pointing to him with the two fingers holding his cigarette. “Wha’d’you like to listen to? Some Velvet Underground? Black Sabbath? Or you maybe more of a Blondie man?”

Sirius has no idea what any of those are. “Uh… I━ I don’t know.”

The man pushes himself off the window ledge, going for the door but stops before he gets in.

“Well, you comin’?”

Sirius’ feet seem to move on their own, he follows the man inside. The shop is cramped, rows of boxes on each side of him as he walks through a small aisle. The man gets behind a counter and lifts another box full to the brim with what look like big square still pictures. Sirius eyes him suspiciously, he looks to be in his early thirties and has on weird ragged clothes that make Sirius think of what an house elf would wear. He has a strange metal thing sticking out of his left ear, like a woman. 

“What you’ve been listenin’ to lately?” he asks, cocking an eyebrow. 

“Tiger Feet?” Sirius just blurts out as it’s the only Muggle song he knows.

“Oh yeah, Mud, cool. You might like T. Rex then. Know them?”

Sirius shakes his head no and the shop owner pulls out one of the square Muggle images, it has a man who looks like he’s wearing a feather boa and a satin robe. A bit of his chest is showing. Sirius’ feels uncomfortable just looking at it. The man pulls out what looks like a flat black disc from the image and puts it down on a strange looking Muggle contraption. Sirius is fascinated by what he’s doing, observing him as he lifts a small long arm with what looks like a needle on the bottom of it and rests it upon the disc. There’s a scratching noise and not a second later, music starts playing, startling Sirius.

“Well you can bump and grind

It is good for your mind

Well you can twist and shout

Let it all hang out

But you won't fool the children of the revolution

No, you won't fool the children of the revolution

No, no, no…”

He can feel the music. It makes the hair rise all over his body, it gives him goosebumps, makes his brain tingle. He starts to smile, his head bobbing along the song. The man smiles back at him. 

“Yeah? Like it?”

“It’s amazing.” Sirius answers, breathless. “What is it about?”

“It’s ‘bout being free, mate.” he answers. 

Free . Sirius repeats the word, foreign in his mouth. The man asks if he wants to buy the record (Sirius understands that he’s talking about the black disc) but he answers that he couldn’t play it if he wanted to, he doesn’t have the equipment for it. The man gives him a quizzical look and ends up handing him a piece of parchment instead. 

“There’s this band playing tonight at a club not far from here, you’d like it I think. No need to have equipment to come and listen, eh?” He gives him a cheeky smile and Sirius finds himself taking the parchment, nodding along. 

He exits the shop, feeling ecstatic, like he’s just discovered a new type of magic. He ends up finding his way back to the Leaky and gets back home before his parents.

Once in his room, he pulls out the piece of parchment from the inside pocket of his robes, unfolding it and smoothing it out in front of him on his bed. 

“The Howlers

Saturday July 19th - 12 a.m.

Marquee Club”

There’s an unmoving picture of what Sirius guesses is a woman who looks like she’s screaming into a sort of long stick. He’s intrigued, his heart is racing just at the mere thought of going. Could he? Should he? He wants to, so badly but is equally terrified of getting caught. That evening he pays extra attention to what he does and says so as to not upset his mother, he eats in silence, talks when spoken to, and does everything that is expected of him. After dinner, he gets back in his room, paces around it, he’s filled with nervous energy. He waits until the house is quiet and before he can think about it too long, sneaks out. Less than an hour later, he’s back near the shop, he walks around, hoping the music will guide him once again. And it does, somehow, as if calling for him. He finds the club, there’s a line of people waiting in front, the smell of alcohol and cigarette fills the air around him as he comes to join the people in the queue. He tries to keep his head low but he can’t help it, everything and everyone is so strange, they’re wearing clothes like the man in the shop, their hair full of colors, bits of metal sticking out of their faces. Sirius is once again fascinated. The queue moves up and he gets engulfed by the crowd, through the doors and inside the venue. It’s packed and he has to control his breathing so as to not freak out again because of the sheer number of bodies around him. His mouth is dry but he’s sweaty, his eyes keep darting around the place. He notices there is a bar a bit further to his left so he makes his way to it but realizes at the last second that he wouldn’t be able to get anything to drink since he has no Muggle money. He turns, trying to get back to where he was standing but ends up bumping right into a young man consequently spilling his drink all over Sirius’ front.

“Oh man, sorry mate, didn’t see you there!”

Sirius looks up, the boy has honey eyes and dusty blond hair, he’s wearing a striped garment with holes all over it and something which Sirius thinks is called “jeans”, in the same state as his top. There’s a metal ring sticking out of his nose.

“Uh━ I’m━ No, it’s my fault, my apologies.”

“Apologies?” the boy scoffs “Well aren’t you a posh one? Come on, let me get you a drink as an apology ” he says the word again with a bit of a mock tone. Sirius frowns but lets himself be guided back to the bar. The boy orders for them both then turns to him and introduces himself as Danny.

“Sirius? That’s an unusual name. But then again, you look like an unusual guy!” he says with a lopsided smile. 

Danny drags him all the way to the front of the stage, he introduces him to a couple of his friends but before Sirius can get to know them better, the band makes its way onto the stage. The lights dim and there’s a low rumbling coming from the drum kit, people start to move in time with the rhythm. The bass and guitar join in and a woman appears in the middle of the stage, grappling at an iron rod that seems to amplify her voice. The music is loud and fast, sweaty bodies are beginning to slam into each other as the intensity of the song picks up. Sirius is buzzing, gone is his fear of the crowd, he feels like he’s congregating with them all, witnessing something unlike what he’s ever seen before. His skin is alight, his heart beats like the drum, he can’t help the laugh bubbling up his throat. His body demands for him to move along, he turns to look at Danny who seems as immersed as he is in the music, thrashing about, his head banging with every beat. He feels alive, like this is the first breath of air to ever make it to his lungs.

An hour passes before the set is done, the band announcing they’ll be taking a break. People disperse, some moving towards the bar, others going outside for some fresh air. Sweat is trickling down his back, so Sirius follows when Danny suggests they go outside for a bit. They end up in an alleyway off the side of the building, Danny leans against the brick wall while Sirius just paces in front of him, still vibrating from the experience.

“That was incredible!” he raves on to the other boy who just looks at him, chuckling. 

“Your first live show?” He pulls out a cigarette and hands one out to Sirius who takes it without thinking. 

“Yeah…” he answers breathlessly. “This was exhilarating, truly.” He can’t help but smile big, his cheeks actually hurt. Danny laughs, downing the rest of what’s in his cup. 

“You really are unusual.” he says fondly. Sirius snickers, coming to rest against the wall next to Danny. He lifts the cigarette to his face, rolling it between his thumb and index, only now really aware of it. Danny takes out a small silver lighter and leans forward to light up the cigarette, cupping the flame with his free hand. Just as Sirius brings up the fag to the light, their eyes connect over the fire. The next thing he knows, Danny’s lips are on his. He tastes like alcohol and tobacco but also sweet somehow. Sirius is surprised but somehow starts to melt into it, his head feels fuzzy as the other boy’s tongue traces the shape of his bottom lip in a question. He answers by opening his mouth, giving him access and reciprocating. It’s messy, it’s warm. Danny presses him up against the wall, Sirius feels his entire body shudder at the movement of his hand coming to grab at the hair at the base of his skull. Suddenly, there’s the clamor of a bottle being smashed on the pavement at the end of the street and Sirius reacts by shoving Danny off of him violently. The lad stumbles a bit, looking at him with a bashful smile. Sirius feels like he’s been doused in icy water, reality comes crashing back in as he pants, trying to steady his breath. Danny’s brows knit together and he tries to reach for Sirius but he jerks away. Turning around without looking back, he starts running out of the side street as fast as his feet will carry him and doesn’t stop until he makes it back to Grimmauld. Once in his bedroom, Sirius throws a silencing charm and proceeds to scream and rip everything apart around him. He crumbles in the middle of the debris, breathing hard as tears roll down his cheeks. He doesn’t want to think about it, he wants to go back, to forget. His mouth burns, still searing with the sensation of the other boy’s lips touching his. He is terrified. But in his chest, he feels a flame much like the one from Danny’s lighter, small but present, cupped by his ribs, its warmth spreading through the rest of his body.

“Fuck.”

━━━

Tuesday 12th of August 1980

The crack of their apparition resonates throughout the cobblestone street, even though it’s the middle of summer, there seems to be a certain chill to the air. The sky is dark with large clouds that look like they will soon bring heavy rain to the small village of Little Hangleton. Remus’ senses tingle, he smells a faint odor of sulfur, indicating the presence of dark magic in the air, though he cannot place where exactly. James and Regulus have done as much research as they could on the Gaunt family but couldn’t find an exact location for their residence. Sirius’ idea is to just waltz into the first cafe they stumble upon and start asking questions, Remus doesn’t know if this is a good idea. He doesn’t like being out in the open like that, asking questions about a dark wizard that could very well have traps in place or spies to catch anyone sniffing around too close from what could have been his home. But since he doesn’t have a better idea, they do just that. Up the road, they head for what looks like the only grimy pub around, Sirius pushing the heavy wooden door, stepping through the entrance, shrouded by darkness. The inside is not much better as a matter of fact, it smells of years of nicotine stuck in the carpet, stale cider and an artificial lemon scent that Remus concludes must be a cleaning product. They don’t lose time and head straight for the bar where a groff tall man with a beard is drying glasses with a dirty rag. 

“‘Afternoon, sir.” Sirius says a bit too jovially. The man just grunts in response. “We’ll have two of your best ciders, if you please.” Another grunt in response and a minute later, two pints get shoved their way. 

Remus takes a look around, there are two other customers in the pub, a woman playing on a fruit machine and an old man who looks like he’s on the verge of passing out on the booth a few tables further. 

“You might be able to help us, we’re looking for the old Gaunt family residence, they might have kept to themselves but would have lived here maybe fifty plus years ago?” Sirius tries but the bartender barely acknowledges him, just answers a quick “No idea.” under his breath, returning to his meaningless task. Sirius tuts, annoyed, turning around to peer at the rest of the pub, cider in hand. Remus notices that the man sitting at the booth has perked up a bit although he’s still swaying, he’s definitely looking at them. He takes his glass and makes it to the table, settling down across from him. The man eyes him suspiciously but Remus salutes him and he answers in kind.

“Do you know the Gaunt family by any chance?” he asks.

He hesitates but in the end he says in a croaky voice “I remember the girl mostly, she was kind enough. The father and son kept more to themselves.”. He passes his glass from one hand to the other. “I might be more inclined to tell you about them if I had something to lubricate my throat…”, a mischievous smile revealing a few missing teeth appears on his face.

Remus turns his head to look at Sirius who is still leaning against the counter, sipping on his drink and signals for him to get another one. He focuses back on the old man, prompting him to continue on.

“The girl was a frail looking thing but she would visit the village to buy provisions every now and then. You could tell she… wasn’t right. Wasn’t the smartest, would often show up with bruises as well. She was really infatuated with the Riddle boy.”

Remus straightens up and Sirius comes to slide into the seat next to him, handing the senior his glass. 

“She ended up marrying him even, but it didn’t last long.”

“The Riddle boy?” Sirius asks.

“Yes, from the manor up the hill. T’was quite the scandal at the time, no one could understand how the son of a Squire ended up eloping with the Gaunt girl, even his parents. The Riddle boy ended up coming back though, without his bride, claiming she had bewitched him into marrying her. I heard rumors that he’d had a son with her.”

Remus and Sirius share a look but don’t dare to speak so as to not interrupt the drunk who seems too happy to share the gossip of the town. 

“Now the real tragedy was what happened a few years later…” he trails off, looking down the bottom of his glass. “The entire Riddle family was found dead in their home. No one could figure out what could have killed them. I myself always suspected suicide, out of shame maybe? A real tragedy, that.”

The man sounds like he’s done with his tale so Remus risks asking him: “Would you happen to know where the Gaunt might have lived?”

“Oh yes, in a shack in the woods on the other side of the hill, behind the manor. But I would keep away if I were you, strange things happen there, some say it’s haunted…” he hiccups. 

They down their drink thanking the man by buying one more cider and leave the pub. As predicted, the rain is now pouring, drenching them almost immediately after they get outside. They start up the hill, checking that there’s no one around so they can cast water repellent charms on themselves. Remus glances in Sirius’ direction, he looks pensive.

“What are you thinking?”

“Mmh? Uh━ Just that I doubt suicide is what happened to the Riddle family.”

“You think he came back to Little Hangleton to kill his Muggle father and grandparents.” Remus says it more as a statement than a question. He came to the same conclusion. 

“I think that he created an Horcrux here.”

“That would explain the general vibe of the place.”

“What do you mean?”

“Sirius, have you seen many people here in town? Everyone seems depressed and there’s this smell hanging in the air, it smells of dark magic, it’s as if it’s affecting the population. I feel it, like this heaviness in my lungs, like I can’t take a full breath.”

Sirius looks at him, surprised. “I thought that was just me.” Remus shakes his head no.

“Do you think it’s worth checking the Riddle manor?”

“No. The Dark Lord is very adamant about what he thinks of Muggles. I doubt he would have hidden an Horcrux in there.”

They keep on walking, arriving now at the edge of the woods. They look at each other, Remus feels a sort of dread building inside, like they’re not supposed to be there. Which means they’re exactly where they’re supposed to be. 

“You ever seen a forest with no animals?” Sirius wonders aloud. They advance through forest, wands up at the ready, their steps echoing as they step over twigs, the only sound to be heard around. The silence is almost unbearable, it feels so unnatural. 

Up ahead, Remus spots a dilapidated cabin, the moss covering a caved in roof, it looks like it has been swallowed by the vegetation around it. He points toward it with his wand and Sirius shifts to come closer to him, casting a series of detection spells.

“Oh yeah, this is it alright.” There are runes glowing, suspended mid-air around the shack. Remus recognizes some of the curses and wards: Muggle repellent, an amnesia curse, a Confundus charm, and a nasty general repelling jinx.

“Damn, and that’s just on the outside.” he whistles between his teeth. “You were always better at ancient runes than I was.” Sirius tells him with a shrug. 

Remus scoffs at the compliment and risks taking an extra step towards what’s left of the Gaunt house. Raising his wand, he starts on the first layer of wards, taking his time and using arithmancy to calculate his every move. Sirius is unusually patient and silent, letting him work at his own pace. After almost an hour, Remus cracks the last one, wiping sweat off his brow. He feels depleted and hopes that whatever is inside is worth all the effort. 

“I sure as shit hope you can handle the rest.” he says to Sirius, slightly out of breath. Sirius gives him a concerned look which he dismisses by telling him he’s fine. They step into the cabin, the floor’s wood groaning under their feet, ready to give out at any moment’s notice. Inside, it smells rank and of decay, Remus spots a few animal cadavers in various states of decomposition, all around the same area.

“Well that explains the lack of animals?” Sirius provides, one hand coming up to cover his nose and mouth. 

“Something is definitely off, here.” Remus says, looking around. There’s a thick layer of dust covering all surfaces and the sparse furniture is falling apart. Sirius crouches near the dead animals to take a better look but his foot goes through the floorboards, an immediate cry of pain leaving his mouth.

“Buggering shit!”

Remus gets to him, vanishing the rotten piece of wood and checking his ankle for any damage. Something immediately catches his eye. Buried under a few leaves, a golden box glints through. 

“Don’t move.” he says to Sirius in a stern tone. He can see him directly tensing up, looking at Remus who casts another couple of detection spells. He blows out a careful breath, a twinge of panic seizing him as he sees ancient runes glowing right above the box and around Sirius’ ankle. He looks up, about to tell him to carefully retrieve his foot when Sirius calls for him in a scared voice.

“Re━ Remus?”

“Sirius?” his brows crease, Sirius’ eyes aren’t focused, they look glazed over and milky as if he has gone blind.

“Remus━ where are you?!”

“Sirius I’m right here, it’s alright.” he tries to calm him down but doesn’t understand what’s going on. He looks back down at the runes. Nightmare. Fear. Sight. Blood. “Sirius, can you hear me?” His breathing starts to pick up.

“Remus? No, no, no, leave him alone! Remus!”

“Sirius!” Remus reaches out but Sirius starts swatting at him, screaming for him. Remus tries to get him unstuck from the floor but it’s like he’s locked in place. He grabs his hands, trying to settle him but all it does is make Sirius thrash furiously, now fully in tears, his throat raw with screaming. Remus doesn’t know what to do, this is old magic, he tries to remember what he learned in Ancient Runes class at school. He reads them again: Nightmare. Fear. Sight. Blood. Blood. Blood! Remus grabs Sirius’ hand, forcing it towards him as he resists and with his wand, he casts a slicing hex, opening up Sirius’ palm. Blood starts trickling out, drops falling down on the runes and the box. In an instant, Sirius’ eyes come back into focus, he gets up so swiftly, Remus stumbles backwards. They look at each other, both panting, then Sirius launches himself at Remus, grabbing at him and hugging him so fiercely, it crushes him.

“I━Remus I thought━”

“You’re fine, you’re okay.” Remus tries to reassure him but he’s feeling so tense from the sudden show of affection.

“You were dying, I could see you die, over and over again━ Remus, it was so real, I thought━”

Remus tentatively raises his arms, encircling Sirius who buries his face deeper in the crook of Remus’ neck. They stay like that for a few more seconds, until Sirius detangles himself from the embrace, his face so close to Remus that he can feel the warmth of his breath on his cheek. His eyes dart down to Sirius’ lips and he curses himself for being so weak, enjoying the moment way more than he should. Sirius is the one who seems to shake himself out of it, letting go of Remus at once. He instantly misses the warmth of him but quickly quashes the feeling. 

“What happened, exactly?” Sirius asks, clearing his throat. There are still tear tracks visible on his face, but he wipes at them quickly.

“Blood magic, I reckon.” Remus explains, pointing at the spot. “When your foot went through I think it triggered a ward with an hallucinatory curse, I figured blood was needed in order to deactivate it. I didn’t want to take the risk with my own, seeing as I’m a half-blood so I did it with yours.” he answers pointing at Sirius’s hand. Sirius peers down at his palm, a grimace on his face. Remus reaches out again, holding his hand delicately in his. He performs a quick healing spell, one he’s learned from Madame Pomfrey after many years spent in the Hogwart's infirmary. 

“Smart.” Sirius gazes up, offering a half smile in return. His next breath is still a little shaky but he seems to gather his wits, checking between the floorboards. “That has to be an Horcrux, right? With this much dark magic around… What do you think it is?”

“No clue… Let’s still be careful, the hallucinatory curse has been lifted but there’s probably a few failsafes.” Remus levitates the box and it hovers between them both, he magically opens it and it reveals a gold band with a black stone set in the middle. Suddenly, he can feel the hair raise all over his body as a shudder goes through him. The ring feels just like the diary except it seems to be talking to him. He’s somehow drawn to it, he wants to touch it, put it on. The ring whispers to him tales of great power, that with it he will protect those he loves, avenge those who died and will get to see them again. He reaches out for it but is snapped out of his trance by Sirius’ hand smacking his away from the box. 

“Don’t.” he says in a very severe tone. “You were right, we shouldn’t touch them or at least as little as possible.” He grabs a torn piece of curtain from the floor, grabbing the ring with it so as to not directly come in contact with it. He looks at it more closely, a flicker of recognition appearing in his eyes. “I’ve seen this ring before. In Slughorn’s memory, Tom Riddle was wearing it. What’s that on there?” he asks Remus, pointing at the stone. Remus gets closer, peering at the set rock, faint outlines are visible with the light of his Lumos .

“No idea. But we should get out of here. No need for us to stay longer than necessary.”

“Sure. Just give me a sec.” Sirius pockets the ring carefully wrapped in the piece of cloth and walks towards one of the walls of the shack where he fires a spell, leaving a message behind.

“Let’s go.”

Remus admires Sirius’ handy work, a small smile tugging at his mouth. 

To the Dark Lord

I want you to know that it was I who discovered your secret. I have stolen your Horcrux and intend to destroy it as soon as I can. I am coming for you, Tom.

S.O.B.

Chapter Text

Friday 22nd of August 1980

They’ve been tasked to search for a spell that could destroy the Horcruxes and James is bored out of his mind. It of course means that he gets to play his favorite new game: annoying the shit out of Regulus. One could argue that he misses playing pranks on people like he did back in Hogwarts or it simply is the fact that there’s something satisfying about making Regulus Black mad, consequentially making him mean towards James. Either way, it’s much more fun than reading in absolute silence. 

They’re sitting in the sunroom once again, it seems to be Regulus’ favorite room since he spends as much time in here as he does his bedroom. James is balancing himself on the back feet of his chair, tossing a Snitch up in the air, catching it and repeating the process again and again. He can practically hear Regulus’ teeth grind together in irritation. Woosh. Catch. Woosh. Catch. Woosh. Catch. Woosh…

“For Merlin’s sake if you don’t stop that right now, I will hex your hands together and make you turn the pages with your bloody nose!”

Catch.

James tucks the Snitch back in his pocket, grinning. “I’m bored.”

Regulus sighs, massaging his temple. “And how is that my issue to resolve? Read.”

“I’ve read literally everything there is to read about hexes, spells, curses or rituals that could help destroy those stupid Horcruxes.”

“I very much doubt that.” Regulus answers flatly, turning the page from a dusty small book.

“I’d have you know that this is not the first time I’ve had to do long strenuous research and at least, the last time brought me something useful…” James says casually. 

Regulus glances back up, intrigued “Is that so? And what pray tell was this famous research you’ve participated in?”

James suddenly feels like they’re heading into dangerous territory. It’s one thing to keep a secret, it’s a complete other to have to lie under questioning. James is a terrible liar. 

“Uh never mind that, yeah? What are you reading ?”

Regulus eyes him suspiciously, but he takes the bait nonetheless. “It’s an old journal from a Black ancestor, Cassius, a great-great uncle or something. I remembered something about him being obsessed with dark objects…” he trails off, eyebrows creasing. “Wait.”

“What?” James’ swings back on all four feet on his chair, now truly interested.

“It says something here about Herpo the Foul━ at least one of his disciples.” His finger traces a line, following the words on the page, James can see his eyes darting around fast as he takes in the information. “Get this: “ It is in that temple during my travels in Greece that I discovered an ancient stone tablet referencing one of the disciples of Herpo the Foul and his experimenting on the corrupted Mourner’s Reliquary. Unfortunately, the venom of the Great Serpent stripped the voice from the orb, leaving only silence. ” A Mourner’s Reliquary━” Regulus closes his eyes, trying to focus, “I’ve read about them before in Hogwarts. They’re extremely rare, supposedly you can imprison your loved one’s soul in them, allowing the owner to speak to them, hear their whispers, or even glimpse their memories. But they don’t last, over time the soul fragment gets warped, basically rots.”

“Well that’s fucked up.” 

“Yes, indeed. Souls aren’t meant to be tempered with, James. They’re fickle things.” He says with a grave voice, sobering James up immediately.

“It sounds an awful lot like an Horcrux though, that Reliquary thing, no?”

“I guess, but it doesn’t grant immortality. Now the part about the Great Serpent’s venom…”

“Basilisk.” they both say in unison, their eyes connecting. Regulus pushes his chair away from the small table, going for another book a few paces away. He opens it, leafing over a few pages, scanning over the text,  “Here.” Regulus says, handing him the book, pointing to a passage. 

““ Of all known magical venoms, none is as potent or as irreversible as that of the Basilisk.” James starts reading. “Extracted from the fangs of this legendary serpent, the venom is a substance of profound lethality, capable of causing near-instantaneous death upon entering the bloodstream, unlike conventional poisons, which may be purged or neutralized with antidotes.” How does this help us?”

“Read further!” Regulus presses him on.

“ Ok, ok . “Beyond its fatal effects, Basilisk venom possesses a unique magical composition that enables it to corrode and dissolve even the most resilient of enchantments. Ancient records suggest that dark objects can be destroyed by prolonged exposure to the venom. It is theorized that the substance does not merely break protective enchantments but instead seeps into the very magic binding such objects together, unraveling their integrity from within.” Oh Merlin, you think this might be it? What could destroy a Horcrux?

 “Basilisks haven’t been found in England since the 16th century. But there’s a rumor in Slytherin about Salazar having had one at some point. Some say he kept it in the castle.”

“Uhm excuse me, do you mean in Hogwarts? Why or where on earth would one keep such a large and dangerous creature?!” James asks, alarmed.

“No idea where but it had to do with some blood supremacy bullshit.” James notices that this is the first time he’s referred to his parent’s ideologies as bullshit, a small smile creeps onto his face. He’s happy that Regulus got out of Grimmauld Place and finally gets to be his own person. In the last few weeks he has seemed more relaxed around James, less aristocratic and stuck up. James has found his time with Regulus to be surprisingly pleasant. He’s learned a considerable amount of things and can honestly say that the young man is interestingly fascinating. James gets lost in his thoughts and it takes him a second or two to notice when Regulus starts snapping his fingers right in front of his face.

“Hello? Where’d you go?”

“Uhm━ Sorry. So how sure are we that this isn’t just a house rumor?”

“We’re not, unfortunately.”

“Don’t you think someone would have notices during the last uh━ I don’t know━ nine hundred years if a giant snake had been somewhere in the castle?”

“I mean… Do you know every nook and cranny of Hogwarts?”

“Well, funny you should ask.” James says with a dopey smile. “As a matter of fact I do, a lot of them at least.”

Regulus does not look impressed. “Alright, where would you put a giant snake, then?”

“Mhmm” James thinks for a beat. “The dark lake? Or somewhere underground?”

“There’s a view on the depth of the lake from the Slytherin’s dormitories, I’m pretty sure someone would have seen it at some point. Underground makes sense, though.”

“Shouldn’t we involve Remus and your brother in this conversation? It seems like pretty important information.”

“That is only theoretical at this point.”

“Touchey”

“It’s touché, you idiot.” Regulus corrects him in perfect French.

“Oh I’m sorry, touchéééé” James says with an emphasis on the last syllable, smiling broadly. Regulus just rolls his eyes at him. 

After the discovery, they decide to take a break. James is lounging on one of the wicker chairs, a pair of sunglasses propped up on his nose as he tries to take a nap. There’s a ray of sunshine coming through the windowed roof of the sunroom, hitting Regulus on the cheek which has started to turn pink. He’s tucking a strand of hair that keeps falling back in his face from behind his ear. The gesture is so simple but James can’t stop paying attention to it. 

“So━ hey, what’s the deal with the book? I thought we were done for the day?”

“Just something I picked up for fun…”

Of course Regulus’ idea of a break would just be doing some “light reading”. The light reading in question is a voluminous tomme on rituals entitled “The Boundaries of Flesh and Form: A Study of Wizarding Transfiguration”.

“Transfiguration? For fun?”

“I think you know very well why I’m reading this particular volume.” Regulus declares matter of fact and James can feel his stomach drop, a shiver going through him. 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” he tries to sound casual but is probably failing.

“Funny, that’s exactly what my brother said.” 

Oh no. That’s it, he knows , James thinks. It’s not like he thinks Regulus might report him to the Ministry for being an illegal Animagus but the more people who know, the more chance his secret might get out. He is a bit relieved somehow but he still feels the need to explain himself. He gets up and starts pacing about the room, “Listen, I had no idea up until recently, okay? Your brother just started showing up one day, we just thought he was a stray so whatever, it’s not like a rat, a stag, a dog and a wolf ever made sense in nature but it seemed like Moony and him got along so I didn’t put two and two together until the moon before him and Remus left, you see I wasn’t there, Prongs wasn’t there, and that was the last moon before they left and I miss being a stag you know, I’ve been wanting to go run in the orchard but you were here so I thought how weird would it be to just randomly see a stag ?” he gesticulating like a wild man, “Although now that I think about it, it makes sense because stags hang out in orchards, no? Maybe for food, like to eat fruits, you know? And━”

“Oh Salazar’s bollocks, take a breath!” Regulus drops the book looking at James bewildered. “What the fuck are you on about stags, rats and dogs?”

James stops dead in his tracks, returning the look of confusion “The fact that I’m a Anima━ Wait, what are you talking about?” he points at Regulus.

“The fact that Remus is a werewolf! You’re an Animagus?!”

“What?”

“What?”

“I’m so confused right now.”

“That makes two of us.”

“I thought you already knew about Remus? I thought you had heard him last moon?”

“I mean, no, but I did put it together a few days leading up to it. How long have you known?”

“Oh, ages!” James flaps a hand at him in dismissal, “Peter and I found out in second year.”

“Excuse me?! Second year?”

James goes on, telling him about Remus and his difficult childhood, their school years together, the challenge of becoming Animagi for their friend, them living together after he ran away,... He tells him about Peter, Lily, everything that has happened since he’s left Hogwarts. It’s surprisingly easy to talk to Regulus, it somehow just pours out of James. He’s always been chatty but it has sometimes felt to him like what he told people was superficial. He’s kept so much inside, letting those around him only see the happy go lucky version that he carefully catered for years. He gets to tell Regulus about the difficult things and sees no judgement when he looks back at him. He’s been talking for hours when he notices how late it is, he apologizes for taking up all of the conversation but Regulus doesn’t blame him one bit. 

They say goodnight and go their separate ways. James falls asleep feeling lighter than he has in years.

━━━

Wednesday 17th of September 1975

Even though he’s trying his best not to, James has been avoiding Remus since the start of term. He’s been so jittery and feels like he could slip up at any moment, spilling the beans. He’s scared of the reaction his best friend will have once he tells him what he and Peter have been up to this summer. So that Sunday, as he walks into his dorm and almost head bumps Remus, he’s seized with panic.

“Remus! Hi!” his voice high pitched.

“Hello…?” he says tentatively, looking at him with a quirked eyebrow.

“Haha, hello yourself!” James elbows him in the ribs, making Remus wince and cringe. “I uh━ I was looking for uh━ have you seen Peter by any chance?”

“I think you walked right past him downstairs, James, he was playing chess with Marlene..”

“Oh? Really? How silly of me!” Turning back around to head for the common room, James has time to only take one step before he is greeted with the hard wood of the door smacking him right in the face as it opens.

“Sorry!” comes Peter’s quick apology, James has managed to fall backwards into Remus, toppeling both of them onto the ground as a result. 

“That’s it, what’s going on with you two, you’ve been acting bonkers ever since we got back to school!” Remus complains while rubbing his elbow, James getting off the ground. 

Peter and James exchange a look, knowing that the jig is up and that it is about time anyway. They drag him along, settling down on the floor near Peter’s bed who wisely pulls out his stash of chocolate for them to munch on. No way Remus would get mad at them with a stomach full of chocolate. 

“Remus, listen, uh━” he says, handing him a candybar. 

“Oh no, what did you do?” He looks at them expectantly like a mother ready to curse them for getting in trouble again. At least he grabs the chocolate. 

“Nothing!” is the automatic response coming out of Peter and James’ mouth. 

“Well, not nothing actually…” Peter trails off, looking guilty. “It might be better to just show you?” The question is more directed at James than Remus. 

“Well, you go ahead.” James prompts Peter. He doubts that it’s a good idea for him to show their accomplishment, seeing the tight space they’re in right now. 

Peter closes his eyes, focusing like he's trying to solve an Arithmancy problem. He taps the point of his wand to his cheek and before their very eyes, the form of their friend shrinks down, face and body contorting into the shape of a small plump brown rat. Remus, who of course hadn’t been expecting the sight, leaps back with a shriek, dropping his chocolate and ends up bumping his other elbow on the small wooden stove behind him. 

“Wh━ what the fuck is that?!” he says, pointing a trembling finger in the direction of the rodent. 

“Well, that’s Peter.” James answers. 

“Obviously, it’s fucking Peter! What the fuck happenned to him?!”

“Would you keep your voice down?!”

“Oh I’m sorry, I’ve just seen my friend turn into a fucking rat, just a normal casual Sunday here!”

“Okay, I now see how this might not have been the best way to show him.” James says to rat-Peter who squeaks in response, standing on his hind legs. “I’ll take it from here, Pete.”

Peter turns back into himself which seems to freak Remus out even more than the first transformation. “One of you better start explaining.” he says in an irritated tone. 

“So, ever since we found out about your uh━” James hesitates.

“Furry little problem?” Peter provides.

“Yes, ever since then, Peter and I have been doing some research. Remus, we don’t think it’s fair that you tear yourself apart every month, that you come back hurt and in pain, having to go through this alone…”

“I’ve been going through this alone since I’ve been four, James, get to the fucking point already.”

“Right, yes, sorry.” He clears his throat, straightening up, “We did some research and found out that werewolves don’t attack other animals, right? So then the solution for us to be able to be there for you would be to essentially become animals.”

Remus just stares, baffled at both his friends. James feels himself squirm under his gaze, willing for him to say something, anything. After a bit, his prayers are answered. 

“So you just━ what? Became Animagi?”

“Yes!” Peter says enthusiastically, pointing two finger guns at Remus.

“No.” is Remus’ response.

“Uh━ Yes, we did.”

“No.”

Peter and James look at each other in confusion. Remus gets up and starts pacing about the room, clearly distressed.

“Why would you do this?” he says after a while. 

“Like we just explained, we thought it would be nice if you didn’t have to be alone for the full moons anymore.” Peter says in a soft voice. 

“No! You have no idea if it would even work! You haven’t tested your theory and you’re not going to! I could maim you, eat you or worse turn you into a monster! Absolutely not, no!” Remus exclaims, now frantic. 

“Remus, we’ve done our research, really. We’re pretty positive that this would work!” James is trying to argue, trying to explain to him that this is not something they have done on a whim, that they’ve actually been building up to this for almost two years. But however much is trying to convince him, Remus just doesn’t believe them.

“This is a terrible idea! It’s dangerous, illegal and not to forget actually impossible for two teenagers to accomplish. Right?”

“I mean, as you can see, we've managed it…” Peter argues. 

“It shouldn’t be possible. Why would anyone do this for━ for━”

“For their friend?” James provides.

Remus' expression of confusion falters, a sad look makes its way onto his face, eyes shimmering with unshed tears. James immediately rises from his spot on the ground, getting to his friend fast to envelope him in an embrace. He gestures for Peter to join, making it a group hug. He knows that Remus has a low esteem of himself, that he thinks he somehow deserves to do this on his own every month. James has wanted nothing but to prove him wrong ever since he found out about Remus’ dark secret. 

“Remus, we are here for you, you are not alone.” James tells him, squeezing a little harder. 

“It’ll be okay, trust us.” Peter adds, burying his face between the two other boys. 

A long sigh comes out of Remus, as if a weight has been lifted, as if he finally has some help to carry it all. 

“Okay.” he says, his voice shaking, barely above a whisper. “Let’s try it.”

━━━

Saturday 20th of September 1975

Remus' stomach is in knots, he could barely eat anything during lunch and has skipped dinner all together. Not that he ever eats much on the days of full moons, rather his body will “stock up” the days leading up to it. He’s pacing in front of his bed, nervous energy just radiating off of him when James and Peter burst in through the door, huffing and puffing. 

“Sorry! We went as fast as we could! Detention ran late.” Peter says, his hands on both thighs as he tries to get his breath back. James just laughs, patting him on the back. 

“You gotta work on that condition, Petey!” he says, grinning back at Remus. “Shall we, then?”

“Okay so just like we said, wait until Pomfrey and I exit the infirmary, follow us from under the cloak, then when she makes it back out of the Whomping Willow passage━ Peter, remember what I told you?”

“Yes, sir!” he answers, saluting him like a soldier.

“Take this seriously, please.” Remus chastises him. Peter sobers up, nodding.

“Once you’re through, knock three times, alright? Just so I know it’s you. And only get in once transformed, promise?”

“Promise!” answer both boys. 

Remus lets out a shuddering breath. He’s doubting everything about this plan but if there’s a chance it might work... Oh he really hopes this works. Ever since his first transformation all he’s ever wanted was to not be alone. He’s terrified of the possibility of hurting his friends, those he holds most dear. But he’s equally excited at the prospect of never having to spend another full moon alone ever again. He gazes at James and Peter, both of them just looking delighted at the idea of showing off what they’ve been working on for Remus.

“Let’s go.” he says finally, determined. 

He walks down to the infirmary, Pomfrey waiting for him with a soft smile. He can smell James and assumes that Peter has turned into his rat self in order to both fit under the cloak because he smells different. There’s a gentle wind once they make it onto the grounds, Remus and Pomfrey walking in comfortable silence, he can feel his body buzzing with anticipation but he keeps a straight face as to not alert the adult with him. She accompanies him through the tree’s passage and into the Shack. 

“Alright Remus dear, as usual, I’ll see you in the morning.” she says, taking his wand and clothes to place them in the chest in the corner of the room. She smiles at him, a hand coming to cup his face. “Remember the breathing techniques we’ve worked on, okay?”

He nods, smiling back. She trots out just as the sun sets, glowing orange rays making it through the boarded up windows. Remus’ senses are sharper and he listens to what he assumes are James and Peter getting through the last of the passage and into the building. He waits with bated breath and a few seconds pass before the clear sound of three knocks can be heard. The door is pushed open by a young looking stag with a rat perched on his antlers. Remus can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of his throat even though it is quickly followed by a groan. The stag immediately comes to his side after closing the door with a kick of its leg. Remus reaches a hand out to stroke its nuzzle, the fur is soft under his fingers and it gives him something to focus on when the next wave of pain surges through his bones. The rat tiptoes down from the stag’s antlers to his hand, nibbling gently at his digits as to say that he’s also present. 

“It’s going to happen, soon.” he says to the two animals. “You should get back, just to be sure.”

The rat and the stag do as they are told, marching backwards to one of the corners of the room, waiting. 

The first snap of bone comes from his ribs, Remus folds in half at the pain, gasping. The stag tries to get closer again but Remus stops him with an extended arm, reassuring him. The rat is squeaking in concern but they both stay put. After what feels like an eternity, Remus feels his consciousness slip out, as if being swallowed by a wave, darkness enveloping him, his body finally going slack. 

━━━

The wolf opens its golden eyes and feels immediately that something is different in the room. It smells different. He scans his surroundings and notices the stag and the rat standing a few feet away. The wolf has never seen other animals, he’s intrigued but also cautious. He growls as to show that he is in control of the situation, he’s alpha. The stag lowers the front half of his body, showing submission, the rat perched on its head. The wolf deems this enough, he marches forward, smelling them, circling them, making sure they are no threats. They somehow feel familiar but the wolf doesn’t know why. He nudges the stag who stiffens at the contact that he probably perceives as a threat. The wolf nudges again, making a soft noise in the back of its throat. The stag looks like he relaxes a bit, nudging back and the wolf’s tail starts going. Friend. Play? He playbows, his tongue hanging out, looking at the stag expectantly. The stag drops the rat on the floor who stays close, still scared of the wolf. The stag starts chasing after the wolf, playfully poking him with his antlers, the wolf responding in kind, zooming about the room. The wolf is having fun. He doesn’t hurt himself. They play the majority of the night, settling down in the small hours of the morning. The wolf curls up on himself and the stag does the same resting its head on the wolf. The small rat lodges himself between the large paws of the wolf. A thought occurs to the wolf before his consciousness slips away: Pack.

━━━

Remus opens his eyes, feeling tired but otherwise intact. He tries to move just to find the stag’s head resting on his legs. He caresses the top of its head, waking him up. Without needing to ask, the stag grabs the cover off the cot, dropping it on top of Remus who takes it to wrap himself up. In an instant, the stag transforms back into James, his kind face being the first thing that Remus notices. 

“Hi. Good night?” James asks in a whisper as to not wake Peter, still snoring in his rat form next to them. 

A great big smile spreads across Remus’ face, “Yeah, great night.”

James hugs him fiercely and it makes Remus wince so he retrieves quickly. “Sorry!”

“No, it’s fine, I’m just a bit stiff.” he says, readjusting the cover on his shoulders. “Thank you.”

James just looks at him, tears welling up in his eyes. “Remus I━ If we had known━” he sniffs, “This place, it’s horrible. The fact that you have to keep coming here and go through what you go through every months, alone━” he cuts himself off. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry you’ve had to go through all of this alone, for so long.”

Remus forgets sometimes how earnest James can be, how kind and sensitive his friend truly is. “It’s okay. I’m not alone anymore.” They smile at each other, Remus reaching for James’ hand and squeezing it. His ears perk up and he realizes that it is in fact morning, Pomfrey is on her way to the Shack.

“Quickly, Pomfrey is coming, grab Peter and hide under the cloak!”

James sweeps up the small rat who squeaks in protest at the rough awakening, biting James’ finger.

“Ow! Pete! Damn, that hurts!” the rat climbs up to James’ shoulder as Remus snickers. They both hide under the invisibility cloak just as Poppy Pomfrey knocks on the door.

“Remus, dear?” comes her muffled voice. 

“Come in.” Remus answers, getting up to get his clothes and wand. 

Pomfrey checks him out, running a few diagnostic spells on him. “Incredible!” she exclaims after a couple of minutes. “Any pain anywhere?”

“No.” Remus confirms, a small smile on his lips. 

“The breathing helped?”

“Uh━” he glances at the corner of the room. “Yes! The breathing, great!”

“Amazing, I’m so glad! Apart from a few scraps, you seem perfectly fine.” she declares, before embracing him. “I’m still keeping you an hour at minimum in the infirmary, just to be sure, but I don’t see any reason why you couldn’t go to your lessons after that.” 

Remus agrees and they leave the Shack, his heart swelling with happiness. He feels better than he ever has after a moon. And he has his friends to thank for this. 

His incredible, loving and supporting friends.

Chapter Text

Tuesday 26th of August 1980

Since the day at the cabin, a new dynamic has settled between Remus and him. He was scared after their fight over Peter that Remus would go back to ignoring him at worst or tolerating him at best. But it seems like they are finding a new way to be around each other, not exactly friendly but just better than what it was before at least. Sirius aches sometimes, just looking at Remus, not being able to touch him, to feel him, to hold him,... The only moments of respice that his soul gets are the full moons. Somehow, being a dog and a wolf is easier. Animals do not care about the complexity of human feelings and their relationships, only one thing matters when Moony gets to spend time with Padfoot: Pack.

Sirius has been feeling good all day, looking forward to the sun setting. In a comparison, Remus has been in a foul mood, so Sirius treads carefully. They’ve Apparated to a secluded forest near the border of Scotland, the scenery reminds him of the Dark Forest and a pang of nostalgia goes through his heart as he looks around. Remus is sitting on the ground, nauseous from the Apparition.

“You sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

“Mmhmm” he answers, shaking his head as it hangs between his knees. He keeps rubbing at his left thigh.

“Can I do anything to help?” he asks, pointing at the sore spot that Remus keeps massaging. 

Remus seems to be hesitating but Sirius comes to him anyway, crouching down and drawing out his wand. He casts a spell on the injured leg, Remus looking at him bewildered. 

“Regulus taught me this one a few years back,” he sets down his wand, lifting both hands just above the spot where a light hovers, he smoothes it over, the light malleable, moving back and forth. “I always thought he should have made a great healer if given the choice…”

“It’s warm.” Remus notes and Sirius answers with a small smile. They’ve never openly talked about it, but Sirius believes that Remus knows enough about his family and the kind of people they are, especially when it comes to the way they’ve treated their children throughout the years. He knows Remus’ face so well, he can see the look of pain he’s trying to hide, the knowledge of the reason behind why Regulus would have to learn such a spell at a young age. He tries not to think about it too much, not wanting the sore subject of his parents to dampen his good spirit. 

“There, better?”

“Loads.” 

They linger like this, Sirius’ hand just above his thigh, close to each other, so close that Sirius can see the flecks of gold starting to appear in Remus’ eyes. He’s always loved it when his eyes change color, the only indication of Remus’ feelings and desires, since he has always been an expert at hiding them the rest of the time. Sirius wishes he could reach out, and drown himself in the pools of gold that stare back at him, making him feel like the most special person in the world. He gets lost in them, everytime. Remus looks down and Sirius hadn’t even noticed that his hand had lowered itself and made contact with his leg. There’s a comfortable silence between them and Sirius basks in the feeling of Remus under his fingers. He always runs warmer before a moon. They make eye contact once more, Remus eyelids are hooded, Sirius feels like he’s entered a dreamlike state again but this one unlike in the cabin is not filled with nightmares. Remus inches forward, they’re so close to each other, Sirius almost loses his mind as he sees Remus’ tongue flick out to lick his lips. He wants to kiss him so bad, but━ No . He rests a hand against Remus’ chest, stopping him from taking this further, knowing that the man will regret it. He knows how he gets before a full moon, how little control he has when it comes to his wants and needs and Sirius doesn’t want to be a regret. 

“I think it’s best if━” 

“Yes, sorry━” Remus shakes himself out of it. 

Sirius gets up, making the excuse of needing to set up some wards around the place for tonight. Remus welcomes the false pretense and busies himself with the tent. Sirius already berates himself for being the responsible one but knows deep down that this way is better. 

An hour or so later, the sun finally sets and Remus gets himself ready. Sirius lets him be, observing the way he breaths calmly, a stark difference from a few years ago. During his teenage years, the transformation always looked like something so painfully traumatic, Remus could never find any solace until the morning, after he had gone through it. But even then came the aftermath, the pain, the scars,... Now though it is as if he goes into a meditative state. Sirius is so curious but he doesn’t want to interrupt the process. 

“I learned this from a pack up north.” Remus says, as if hearing Sirius’ thoughts. For a second he wonders if Remus used Occlumency on him but quickly dismisses the idea, knowing that he would never breach his mental walls, much less disrespect him by prodding his mind without consent. He is sitting crossed legged, his shirt is off, the ragged scars over his torso and arms stark white against his skin, a sheen of sweat making them shine in the last rays of sunshine. “They taught me that if you fight the transformation, it fights you back. Breathing it in and out is the trick to help it go smoother.”

Sirius just observes, transfixed by the way he sees the waves of pain coming and then how Remus quickly relaxes into them, almost welcoming them, his eyes closed, eyebrows creasing every now and then. He is so much more in control than he used to be, it is such a difference from the two previous moons. But then again, the June moon was their first time back together and the July one was apparently the first one outside in a while for Remus, it makes sense he might have been nervous. 

“You should shift.” he tells him in a calm voice.

Sirius obliges, coming closer to Remus as Padfoot. Remus reaches out a hand, caressing the rugged fur on his back, he hums, letting another wave of pain wash through him. After a few minutes, the transformation is complete without any howls of agony, and for the first time ever, Padfoot is in awe in front of Moony. The wolf stands tall, looking at his companion before he starts to run, going to explore the forest. Padfoot follows happily, barking at him with enthusiasm. Pack .

━━━

Friday 17th of October 1975

M… N… “Nox et Lumos, A Study of Light and Shadow in Magic”, “Nullum Vinculum: The Limits of Magical Bonds”,... ah!  “Numeromancy: The Hidden Power of Magical Equations”! Finally, he thinks as his finger lands on the right volume. He pulls at the spine, it weighs an absolute ton but he just needs to haul it to his favorite spot. He balances the book plus two others, his quill and a half written homework parchment. It threatens to all tumble down to the floor of the library as Sirius walks to find his favorite study desk occupied. It’s the perfect place: near a window that offers a view on the Dark Forest, so there are no distractions but enough light, there’s no draft due to being in the back of the library, and it is sufficiently secluded so that he doesn’t get bothered by any other student. Normally. Now, there’s someone sitting at the desk, he can see the back of their head. Sirius doesn’t like to share. There is sufficient space for up to four students but the whole point of him coming to sit here is so he doesn’t get disturbed or distracted. No matter, being Sirius Black, he always ends up getting what he wants, even though he has to fight for it most of the time. He strolls casually to the table, dropping his possessions unceremoniously and gets ready to hex whomever dares sit in his place if they refuse to move. He halts however, words disappearing before they even make their way out of his mouth when he finds himself face to face with none other than Remus Lupin. 

“Can I help you?” Lupin drawls, face set in a scowl.

“Yes, by moving.”

“Excuse me?”

“Indeed, excuse yourself.” Sirius gestures toward the back stacks of the library.

Lupin sits back, his right arm resting on the back of the chair beside him as he looks Sirius up and down. As an automatism, Sirius straightens, glaring down at the boy in front of him, infusing his look with as much disdain as he can. 

“I like to come and sit here, usually.” he tries. 

“Me too.” Lupin answers.

“Yes, well I do not like company when I study.”

“Me neither.”

Now he’s getting irritated. “Can’t you just go sit somewhere else, Lupin?”

Remus Lupin’s eyes flash gold and he makes a sound from the back of his throat which if he didn’t know any better, Sirius would have believed it to be a growl. He still tenses up.

“I know that your posh arse is used to getting everything handed to it on a silver platter but us common folks have as much right as you do to park ours on this fucking desk.”

Sirius is taken aback by the crass language. This normally would not be an issue, shouldn’t be one, really but there’s something about the way Lupin holds himself, the energy that emanates from him… He takes his words at heart, it hits him somewhere deep inside.

“I never got anything handed to me, alright.”

“Well, you can choose to sit here, with me or find somewhere else to study.”

Sirius purses his lips, observing as Lupin gets back to his reading. After a few seconds of hesitation, he decides to sit across from him anyway, even if it is just out of spite. They stay silent, not acknowledging each other for the next half an hour. Every now and then, Sirius’ eyes flicker to Remus’ side of the desk, peeking at what he’s working on, confused when he understands that he seems to be working on another Arithmancy assignment, one different from his. 

“Is that for Professor Vector?” he asks, curious.

“Mmhmm.” is the only response he gets. 

“How come you get a different assignment?”

“This is for extra credits.”

Sirius’ eyes bulge without his consent, he schools his features back quickly as Lupin glances at him, an eyebrow raised in question. He is smirking at him and Sirius blushes, inwardly cringing and berating himself for it. There’s something unnerving about being stared at by the boy in front of him, it’s as if he can see beyond every layer that Sirius has carefully crafted to protect himself over the years. He knows that it cannot be the case, but still, it is chilling. He goes back to his own homework but can now feel Lupin’s eyes on him, it makes him nervous. Sirius Black doesn’t like being observed, he prefers doing the observing himself. He fidgets on his seat, inadvertently bumping into Lupin’s feet under the table. This somehow makes his stomach twist and his immediate response is to lash out.

“Can you move your gigantic limbs out of the way, Lupin? You’re taking all the space under the table!”

“First of all, it’s not my fault you descend from pixies and are therefore minuscule and second of all it helps with my━” he cuts himself off. Sirius gapes at him, waiting for the rest of the sentence that doesn’t seem to be coming. 

“Your what?” he asks, irritated. 

“Never mind, yeah.” is the answer he gets as Lupin shuts the book in front of him with a thud, gathering all of his things, shoving them forcefully in his bag. “By the way, that’s incorrect.” Lupin points out an equation on Sirius’ parchment before walking away. 

Sirius is left gawking at the retreating form of the tall boy, his heart thudding, the blood rushing in his ears. He didn’t even see which equation Lupin was pointing at. 

━━━

Saturday 30th of August 1980

Regulus has been trying his absolute hardest not to observe James from the window of the kitchen when he works in the garden. Really. But he can’t help it when James insists on wearing a “vest” and sweating all over the place. Idiot. He huffs, grabs a mug in the cupboard above the coffee machine and serves himself a cup. He hesitates, then decides he should bring some refreshments to James, since he’s just working away in the heat. Yes, that’s proper. Just something one should do in those temperatures. It’s nice. Nothing else. He makes his way to the garden, a glass levitating next to him as he holds his own cup of coffee. James peers up, a wide smile splitting his face in half as he spots the beverage.

“Oh, cheers.” he says, grabbing it and gulping it all down. “I don’t know how you can stand drinking coffee in this warmth” he points to Regulus’ cup as it makes its way to his mouth. 

He takes a gulp, “Maybe I’m just that cold inside.” he deadpans and James just laughs.

“Nah, you’re a star, you’re all bright and warm.”

It’s an off hand comment. This shouldn’t have the effect that it does on Regulus, he hides the blush in the cup and tries to calm the squirming in his stomach, James oblivious to the reaction he has caused in front of him. He tries to distract himself, clearing his throat “So uhm━ what are you harvesting?”

“Some cucumbers, tomatoes,... I planted the tomatoes a bit late but with the heat and the sun, they haven’t done too bad. We’ve got a ton of herbs too, we should definitely make something nice with all of that!”

James is so enthusiastic about the results of the garden, it’s contagious. He prattles on about aeration, mulch and Merlin knows what else but Regulus still listens to him, just content in seeing him happy. 

━━━

They’ve been sitting on the Basilisk venom theory for more than a week, they haven’t shared it with Lupin and Sirius. Regulus knows he should but he just wants to be sure. They've been arguing back and forth with James about what to do. James wants to send Lupin and Sirius to Hogwarts and search for the Basilisk. Regulus thinks it’s very Gryffindor of him to just want to act before knowing more.

“Really though, the idea that there’s a giant monster hidden in Hogwarts and no one has come across it seems a bit far fetched to me.” James is sprawled in the grass under a tree, Regulus sitting up against its trunk, reading “Hogwarts: A history”. He finally finds the passage he’s been looking for and reads it aloud:

“ “The legend itself concerns a chamber supposedly constructed by Slytherin deep beneath the school that he kept a secret from the other founders and sealed so that none would be able to open it until his own true heir arrived at the school.” Okay, let’s theorize that Riddle, who is really a Gaunt, was the heir of Slytherin… “ The story goes” he continues on reading, “that when Slytherin's true heir returns they alone will be able to open the Chamber of Secrets and release the horror within - a horror that will purge the school of those whom Slytherin believed were unworthy of studying magic.” The Dark Lord might have opened the Chamber during his time in Hogwarts.“ he concludes.

“A Basilisk does sound like a horror.” James confirms. 

“We should check some of the Hogwarts records, see if there were any attacks or deaths in the forties.” Regulus concludes, shutting the book. He knows they are so close, they’re just missing a couple of pieces for the puzzle to make sense. 

“Let’s just enjoy the sun for now.” James answers.

“We’re not on holiday, James.”

James grabs him by the ankle, yanking him to lay down beside him with a surprising amount of strength and Regulus yelps in shock.

“What the━”

“Shh, enjoy.” 

Regulus frowns but then turns his head, taking in the vision next to him. James’ eyes are closed, there are sun patches dancing on his olive skin thanks to the smallest breeze that’s blowing the leaves above them. He has an easy smile on his face, it makes a dimple appear on his cheek. Regulus wants to reach out, touch it with the pad of his finger, feel the divet. He wants to trace his fingers down his jaw, and━ no . He has to physically pinch himself to stop the thought from going any further. This cannot happen, it would complicate everything. Plus it’s not as if it would be reciprocated. He turns back, looking up to the sky between the rustling leaves, his eyes shut, he breathes in. He enjoys the moment.

━━━

“It’s meant to be cold, it’s refreshing.” James says. 

“Well it’s weird, that’s all I’m saying.”

“What, no one has ever served you gazpacho at your fancy Grimmauld Place dinners?” James teases. 

“Oh no, my mother would only ever serve French cuisine. She wouldn't be caught dead serving cold soup.” Regulus answers very seriously. 

James just laughs, serving them each a bowl, topping it with some fresh basil from the garden. He drizzles some olive oil and gives it a last pinch of black pepper all the while, Regulus is observing his movement with rapt attention.

“Let’s eat in the sunroom, shall we?”

Regulus’ face illuminates as it does everytime James mentions the room.

“What’s your obsession with that particular spot in the house anyway?” James chuckles, balancing both bowls in one hand, nearly toppling the whole thing onto the floor. 

“Watch it, you’re going to spill your cold soup! Merlin, Potter, are you sure you were a Chaser? You’re so bloody clumsy.” he pulls out his wand, levitating their meal.

He chuckles but insists on getting an answer to his question “So? Why the obsession?”

“I don’t know… I just like the light in there. Especially in the late afternoon, it’s nice.” he shrugs. 

James can’t help but smile at him and they settle down, pushing aside their books and research. Regulus takes a first bite (well, it’s really more of a sip) and James looks at him expectantly. 

“It’s… surprisingly refreshing.”

James tries not to mock him but it’s stronger than him, the words seem to have been pried from Regulus. 

“You don’t really like admitting you’re wrong, now do you?” James muses. 

Regulus’ face falls a bit “You wouldn’t either if you had a brother like mine.”. James tries to remember what little he knows of Sirius from their time at school. He knows he was excellent in several subjects, a prefect, most of the time insufferably posh, a hell of a Chaser,... 

“What do you mean?”

“Just━ Sirius has always been perfect.”

James snorts “Nobody is perfect, Regulus.”. But he doesn’t seem to believe him, shaking his head. 

“Sirius is, always has been. The perfect son, the perfect heir, the perfect student,... Everything he’s always done, perfect. He is charismatic without being obnoxious, knows what to say, when to say it, he’s just… So adequate.” he exhales the last word, as if it is painful to get out. 

“Come on, Reg, there has to be something he wasn’t good at. Something you’re better at than him!”

He eyes him with annoyance at the use of the nickname but then looks thoughtful, surely trying to remember if there was ever anything Regulus Black had bested his brother at. A couple of seconds pass until a spark of recognition flicks in his eyes, a slow smile spreading on his face.

“Dancing.” he says, resolute.

A puff of laughter makes it out James’ mouth but he quickly covers it with a cough. “Dancing? Really? What kind, exactly?”

“The ballroom kind.”

“The ballroom kind?” James bites the inside of his cheek.

“Yes James, one must know how to dance with a partner during a ball.”

“Okay. Prove it.”

“Excuse me?”

“Let’s go.”

“What? No.”

“Yes, let’s go, show me.”

“I can’t just show you, there’s no music and I have no partner.”

“I’ll be your partner, as for music…” James gets up, quickly making his way to the living room, levitating the turntable Remus brought when he moved in (a bit more modern than his parents' old magical gramophone) and a record. He struts back in, and sets it all up in the corner of the room. Regulus just stares at him baffled the whole time. When he’s done, James stands in front of Regulus, extending a hand expectantly as music starts to resonate throughout the room. 

“James don’t be ridiculous, this isn’t even ballroom music.”

“Who cares? Come on, show me.”

An air of determination finally makes it onto Regulus’ face as he rises from his seat, brushing off his pants and straightening up. He hesitates a second before taking James’ hand, their fingers brushing. They get to the center of the room, Regulus gets them in position, correcting James' stance, and starts leading them into some slow steps, swaying along with the soulful music. 

“What music is this? I’ve never heard anything like this…” Regulus asks in a shy voice.

“Otis Redding, this song is called “These Arms of Mine”, he was a Muggle singer, one of my dad’s favorites.”

“Mmhmm, it’s nice.” 

“Yeah…” James is suddenly very aware of the moment they find themselves in. He has a hand on Regulus’ waist, the other one holding his aloft. From this distance, James can see Regulus’ long lashes, the flecks of yellow near the center of his blue eyes, his high cheekbones colored in a warm pink,... His mouth goes dry and he can’t find anything witty to say anymore. Regulus seems to be avoiding his gaze as much as possible but James wants him to look at him, he almost needs it. He takes a deep breath in to try to calm his pulse which has suddenly picked up but he is assaulted by a combination of smells he hadn’t expected: eucalyptus, sandalwood, and leather. James almost jolts back but stops himself at the last second, not wanting to scare off the wizard dancing with him. His brain is working overtime trying to comprehend what his nose has just detected and he doesn’t notice right away that the song has ended, the both of them now at a standstill. He lets go of Regulus, taking a step back, neither of them saying anything, just looking at each other. The silence stretches and the longer it does, the harder James finds it to say anything, he just wants the moment to stay like this. Eventually though, Regulus clears his throat. 

“I think I’ll tuck in for the night if you don’t mind.” he simply says. James feels the sting of disappointment although he doesn’t understand why. 

“Yes, sure, of course.” he rubs the back of his neck, feeling self conscious for some reason. 

Regulus leaves the room, and James is left with a sort of emptiness inside of him, one he cannot place. After setting the dishes away, he goes upstairs as well, passing in front of Regulus’ room, he can see light filtering from under the door. He stops, hesitating and tries to listen for any sound. He wants to knock. Why does he want to knock? He wouldn’t even know what to say. He buries the need, marching further along the corridor and into his bedroom. He throws himself on the bed, still clothed and stares at the ceiling. There’s a thousand questions flying in and around his head, he can’t focus on one long enough to answer any. After a while, he loses the thread of his thoughts and falls into a deep sleep.

━━━

Friday 24th of October 1975

“Gather around, gather around. Now, who can tell me what we will be brewing today?” Professor Slughorn looks about the room, waiting for an answer from his pupils. 

“Amortentia, sir?” Regulus Black provides.

“And what makes you say that, mister Black?”

“The potion has a particular mother-of-pearl sheen to it and the smoke rises in spirals, sir.”

“Excellent! Ten points to Slytherin! And can anyone tell me why this is considered one of the most dangerous potions known to wizardkind? ”

Regulus steps forward once again, “Because it will cause an infatuation so strong, that the drinker will think they have fallen for the one who administered it. It’s supposed to smell different to each person, depending on what one is attracted to…” he trails off, eyebrows creasing.

“Very good, my boy.”

James rolls his eyes. Slughorn has always had a preference for his own house, but ever since the young Black got into potions with the fifth years, no Gryffindor have managed to score any points with the professor. 

“It’s not fair, he doesn’t even let us answer!” he whispers to Remus. 

“Well you go on and answer before he does.”

“...He was too fast.”

“Or maybe you didn’t know the answer?” Remus mocks.

James gives him a dark look, turning back to the lesson, his eyes snag on Regulus Black who is staring back at him. Slughorn claps his hands, bringing James’ attention back to the potion.

“Let’s get started, since this is your first practical lesson, you’ll need to pair up. I’ve made up a chart, as to avoid a repeat of last year’s duo’s.” the professor eyes James and Remus. The rest of the class chuckles, probably remembering the prank that had been played on them. A flurry of students get up, getting to the far right wall of the classroom to check the list for their partners. Remus gets to it before James does, and he can see as his face falls, reading the name next to his. 

“Who you got?” James asks as he reaches him.

“Black.”

“Baby or Posh?”

“Posh.” Remus looks back at the parchment hanging off the wall, “Ah! You got Baby!”

“What?!” James approaches the list, shoving other students aside to get a better look. There, next to his name: James Potter/ Regulus Black . He groans. It’s not that he dislikes the younger Black, it’s more that, well… He’s a Slytherin to start. And even though they’ve nicknamed him Baby Black, he is as posh as his older brother, always acting like he’s better than everyone else. Which he isn’t. Even though they’re both amazing at Quidditch. And at most classes. And they’re filthy rich. Who cares, anyway? James turns back, his eyes roaming the room to find the fourth year Slytherin. He spots him talking to Slughorn, and James, accepting his fate and deciding to make the best of a bad situation goes to join him but not before flipping the bird at a cackling Remus.

“... and that is final, mister Black.” he hears the end of Slughorn's sentence as he comes to stand next to his new potion lab partner. 

Regulus Black stands there, arms crossed clearly annoyed, he doesn’t even look at James when he says “Let’s go, Potter.”

James follows him to a desk in the middle of the classroom and they start to set up their working station. James offers to go get the ingredients necessary for the brew and barely gets a grunt in response. He comes back, nearly dropping a vial of pearl dust. 

“Careful!”

“Sorry!”

Regulus Black rolls his eyes at him and blows a deep sigh of exasperation. He of course takes the lead and James is honestly happy to let him do so. He observes the boy working efficiently, seeming like he’s brewed the potion before, his delicate fingers going fast as he cuts, dissects and grinds the ingredients. 

He grabs the stirring rod and without his eyes leaving the cauldron says “The book, Potter.”

James, who had been transfixed, doesn't react immediately so Regulus extends a hand gesturing impatiently at the copy of Advanced Potions on James’ left. He fumbles, grabbing the book, and starts reading it out loud:

“ The potion must be stirred clockwise exactly seven times, then counterclockwise once, before repeating the cycle three more times. Between each repetition, allow the potion to simmer for three minutes, during which time the signature spiraling steam will begin to rise. If brewed correctly, this steam will form tight, silver spirals━”

“Yes, thank you Potter but I can read it myself!”

“Ok but there is a part in here that does say━”

“Give it here!”

Regulus wrenches the book out of James' grip as he starts the stirring process. The potion starts to take on a shiny effect, and smells strongly of… James frowns. This is not how his Amortentia is supposed to smell he thinks, remebering the previous year when they had first learned about the brew in class.

“I don’t think it’s correct, last time I checked my Amortentia smell of lilies and the leather of my Quidditch kit, this one smells different.” he says to Regulus. 

“It smells just fine to me.”

“Really? What does yours smell like?”

Regulus doesn’t answer right away, eyes riveted on his work. When James just about gives up, he finally gives his response: “Cinnamon. Soil. And the sun, in the summer.” his mouth is drawn in a tight line and he’s still not looking at James. Suddenly, Slughorn, who was making rounds to observe how his students were getting along, stops before their cauldron.

“Oh my. Too potent, mister Black, mister Potter. Have you read your instructions carefully?” he says, pointing at the passage that James wanted to inform Regulus about. Regulus reads it out loud, his voice getting smaller with every word:

“It is essential that the stirrer's emotional state remains calm and detached throughout. A conflicted or lovesick brewer may find the potion overly reactive, resulting in an overly potent brew that borders on obsession rather than affection. As such, it is strongly advised that students do not attempt to brew Amortentia while under the effects of infatuation.”

Patches of pink start appearing on his cheeks and Slughorn just continues on his merry way. James tries to hide a smile, happy to see that Regulus Black is not perfect at potions after all. He glances back at Remus who seems to be fighting with the older Black about the correct way of slicing a faerie wing. He can’t help but laugh a little, seeing that neither of them seem to be having any luck today with the Black family. Unfortunately, that was the wrong thing to do. As he turns back, Regulus Black is staring at him, anger visible on his features, the pink now spreading down his neck and up his forehead. 

“If you think this is so funny, you can brew it yourself. Abrutit.” he exclaims, shoving the stirring rod at James' chest. 

Once again, James is left fumbling, nearly dropping the crystal rod in the process, trying to understand what he did wrong.

“Wh━ I didn’t━ Wait━”

But Regulus just turns around, ignoring him once more as he reads his copy of Advanced Potions. James sits there, fumes of the failed potion wafting his way, his nostrils filled with the scent of eucalyptus, sandalwood, and leather.

Chapter Text

Monday 1st of September 1980

“And you think there’s a giant snake hidden in the castle?” Remus asks in a mocking tone. 

“I mean, I do remember hearing about this rumor, but again, it was just a fib you’d tell first years so they’d shit themselves…” Sirius chuckles. His brother rolls his eyes at him through the mirror. 

 Sirius does notice the way Regulus (not so) discreetly glances at Potter as he adds: “Anyway, that’s just a theory.” He can’t help but smirk a bit when Potter glances back.

“So your plan would be to have us infiltrate Hogwarts, without Dumbledore’s knowledge, try to find the secret hideout of a nine hundred year old snake and collect its venom that may or may not help us destroy those bloody things?”

“Pretty much!” Potter answers smugly and Sirius snorts when Remus looks unimpressed with the idea. 

“What do we have to lose?” he asks Remus who scoffs immediately and points out that they could in fact lose a lot. After some back and forth bickering, they conclude that this is unfortunately the only lead they have, however intangible it might be. 

They agree to go before the end of the week under the concealment of the cloak and some glamours. They bid the other two goodbye and go to settle in for the night. But instead of getting some much needed sleep, Sirius finds Remus outside, still in front of the fire, looking pensive. He hesitates for a second but knows that he will always choose to spend more time with Remus if he has the choice.

“Not tired?” he tries as he settles next to him. Remus doesn’t look at him, he just keeps staring at the flames, their light dancing across his face and reflecting in his irises.

“I was thinking about something that might help us out once in Hogwarts.”

“Care to share?”

“It’s… complicated?”

Sirius chuckles, complicated is their brand after all. “Come on, spill it.”

“It’s a map.”

“Of the castle?” Sirius asks, equally intrigued as he is excited at the idea that it might make their task easier. 

“Yes━ but not just.” Remus is being really elusive on the subject and that’s when Sirius spots a look of sadness. “James, Peter and I made it. When we were kids, maybe… Thirteen? It’s an enchanted map, shows the entirety of Hogwarts, its many passages and hideouts.”

Sirius is silent for a minute, trying to comprehend what Remus has just told him. Then it clicks in place, all those pranks, the sneaking around, the fact that they barely ever got caught. Except for that one time… He’s bewildered at the idea that three thirteen year olds might have managed something quite as complex as this. But then again, these are the same teenagers who became Animagi at the tender age of fifteen.

“The thing is, I don’t know if it would still work.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because we imbued it with our magic, and one of us died.” Remus says bluntly, and it hits Sirius in the chest, guilt making its way up his throat, he has to swallow harshly as to not let it strangle him. “Anyway, I don’t have it, neither does James. We lost it during our last year, it’s in Filch’s office.”

Sirius’ face splits into a grin, “Now, that sounds like a challenge.” Remus smiles back, some of the sadness remaining but Sirius can see the mischievous glint in his eyes.

━━━ 

Thursday 4th of September 1980

Just as the night is starting to fall, they Apparate around the outskirts of Hogsmeade near the Shack. Sirius can see Remus gazing in the direction of the dilapidated building but he quickly recovers, transfiguring his old cloak and Sirius’s into a set of school robes.

“Hufflepuff, really?”

“Nothing more inconspicuous than a couple of Hullflepuffs, no?”

Sirius barks out a laugh, brushing his glamoured blond hair out of his eyes. He does notice how Remus ogles him so he wiggles both eyebrows in a suggestive manner “Have a thing for blonds, eh Moony?”

“They do have more fun”, he jeers back. “Let’s go.”

Sirius follows him towards Honeydukes, a simple Alohomora unlocking the door. They sneak into the cellar and through the damp passage, coming out the other end from behind the hunchback one-eyed witch statue. They quickly check to see if the corridor is clear before heading in direction of Filch’s office. Sirius finds himself a bit nostalgic as they quietly go about the castle, their steps echoing in the otherwise silent night. As he’s walking behind Remus, Sirius can’t help himself, thinking back to those nights. Even transfigured, seeing Remus here, brings him back to a simpler time. He wants to reach out, grab his hands, kiss his knuckles, murmur promises about the future. All for the sake of then. They turn a corner and Remus pivots back as he spots the light of a Lumos , backing Sirius into a wall then quickly shoving him into a broom cupboard which he locks with a charm for good measure. It’s more cramped than when they were seventeen and Sirius is instantly aware of the small space between them. It’s dark but he can see the faintest outline of Remus as his eyes adjust. He knows that Remus can see him perfectly well, thanks to his heightened senses. His heart is thundering in his ribcage so he tries to calm it down by blowing out a slow breath. Feeling uncomfortable, he can’t help but to crack a joke to try and diffuse the tension, whispering:

“Brings back some memories, huh?”

“Shhh!” Remus says, clamping a hand on his mouth, crowding him. In an instant, it isn’t funny anymore. Sirius can’t help the smallest of whimpers from vibrating in his throat and he knows that Remus has heard it as well. He can feel himself redden in shame. The light of the Lumos can be seen under the door, someone rattles the handle but gives up as this one doesn’t open, thanks to Remus’ quick thinking. They stay like this for a couple of seconds, Sirius breathing through his nose, Remus’ smell invading him, the feel of his hand pressed on his jaw. He uses every ounce of self control as to not let any other parts of his body give away what he’s feeling but he knows he’s already lost the battle as he sees the faintest smile on Remus’ face. Finally, the other man drops his hand, and Sirius breathes in deeply.

“Be quiet.” Remus barrates him. Another jolt of desire courses through his body at the tone. With as much strength as he can muster, he straightens up, mouthing to Remus that the coast seems to be clear. They open the door slowly, creeping out and continuing down the old stone corridors. They finally make it in front of the concierge’s office, peering through the small arched window of the door.

“Okay, it looks like he’s gone, probably doing some rounds, the office is empty.”

“No cat?”

“No cat.”

“Let’s go.”

Sirius opens the door, sneaking in quietly, closely followed by Remus. The office smells rank and is littered with parchments, old dinnerware and a layer of dust so thick and grimy no Scrougify strong enough could get rid of it.

“I’m guessing the house elves don’t bother cleaning up here” Sirius whispers.

“Filch is an arsehole, I’m pretty sure he’s the one who refuses their help…” Remus answers. 

They look around and find another door behind the desk, Remus gets it open with a hard shove. They both marvel at all the confiscated treasure they find inside, a collection amassed throughout the years, each item more curious as to their provenance or why they ended up here: a pair of dental prostheses, a jar of honey, a mirror, some keys,... Some things do make more sense and Sirius can’t help himself, he pockets a couple of useful pieces like a pocket knife, a smoke bomb, and a cloak, shoving them all in their magically enlarged satchel except for the knife, which he keeps close by in his robes. Remus looks at a shelf on his left, ruffling through a stack of books and assorted documents.

“Ah! There!”

He grabs an inconspicuous looking folded piece of parchment from between two books, Sirius barely has time to look at it before he shoves it in the back pocket of his Muggle trousers. 

“Let’s go.”

Acquiescing, Sirius carefully gets back out onto the hallway, and they tiptoe their way to the abandoned girls bathroom. They crouch down as Remus gets the supposed map back out, Sirius casting a Lumos as to better read it. Expect it’s blank. 

“You must have been right, it doesn’t look like it’s working” Sirius sighs in disappointment before looking back up at Remus who’s grinning like a cat who’s got the cream. 

“Watch and learn, Black.” he clears his throat before whispering “ I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”, the tip of his wand barely touching the surface. Suddenly, the ink looks to be slowly bleeding out of it, spreading across the surface, drawing out lines and curves. It reads “ Messrs Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs, Purveyors of Aids to Magical Mischief-Makers are proud to present: THE MARAUDER'S MAP” .

“What the hell…?” he exhales, amazed at the magic in front of him. It is clever, it is incredibly smart and completely Remus. Sirius starts spotting small footprints going about what looks to be the castle, names suspended above them and he understands that this not just offers a complete view of the Hogwarts grounds but essentially tells them where everyone is at every waking moment. He spots Dumbledore, pacing in his office, Filch around the south side of the castle, various students out and about━ either prefects or teenagers sneaking out not unlike they used to. It’s amazing. It’s breathtaking. He looks up, watching Remus who’s sporting a mixture of emotions on his face.

“Hello, old friend.” he says, his fingers brushing against Peter’s nickname. A small smile tugs at his lips as he further unfolds the map. They spot themselves, checking to see who might be around but it looks like there aren’t any threats in the vicinity. 

“Well, well.”

Sirius almost jumps out of his skin as he hears the high pitched voice behind him. Remus cackles alongside the ghost. 

“Fancy seeing you hear, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin.” she says with a devious smile, twirling a braid around a couple of fingers.

“Hello, Myrtle.” Remus answers. Sirius is still clutching at his chest, breathing slowly getting back to normal. 

“Yes, hello Myrtle.”

“And what might the two of you be doing in here at this time of night? Haven’t you graduated as well?”

Sirius adjusts his stance, leaning against the frame of one of the stalls, smiling devilishly at her as he tells her in a sultry voice: “Yes, well, we’re here on a mission, of the highest importance in fact.”

“Ooh, exciting!” she coos at him.

“Indeed. You must know the castle pretty well, now, Myrtle? Been here a while?”

“Since I’ve died, obviously.” she preens under the attention, probably delighted that someone would want to know more about her.

“When was that?” Remus asks while still checking the map.

“Oh about thirty-some years ago. All alone since then.” she sighs dramatically, a hand coming up her forehead.

“And how did you die exactly, Myrtle?” Remus’ interest focused now on Moaning Myrtle.

“No idea. I was in this stall, crying… Stupid Olive Hornby had been making fun of my glasses. Then I heard a boy, he was talking in a strange language so I came out to yell at him to go away but all I remember were scaly yellow eyes.”

“And?”

“And nothing. That’s it. It took them hours to find my body. Ah ! But Olive Hornby was the one who ended up finding me! Ooooh, she didn't forget it until her dying day, I made sure of that... followed her around and reminded her, I did. I remember at her brother's wedding— and then, of course, she went to the Ministry of Magic to stop me from stalking her, so I had to come back here and live in my toilet.” she cackles. 

Next to him, Remus has gone stark still. Sirius glances at him, with a questioning look.

“Where was the boy, Myrtle?”

“I don’t know… Over there.” she waves a dismissive hand in the direction of the faucets.

Remus stalks towards them, still not saying a word, his hands hovering above the taps. 

“Sirius━”

━━━ 

Thursday 30th of October 1975

“Peter, stop squirming, bloody hell!”

“I don’t understand why Remus isn’t the one doing this,” Peter says, trying to balance James on his shoulders as best he can. “And why aren’t we using a charm of some sort for this?!” he half whispers-screams.

“I’ve already explained it, Peter, the slime is impervious to magic, that’s the whole freaking point!” James answers glaring down as he scoops another spoonful of the green sludge and plops it into a hovering Jack-o-lantern.

It might not be their most glamorous prank but it’s in theme for the season. And it will make a mess and piss off some Slytherins, so win-win. After filling up a couple of the pumpkins around the castle, they made sure to keep the motherload for near the entrance of the Slytherin’s common room.

“I’m keeping watch and you’re the sturdiest of us all, plus the full moon is a few days away…” Remus leans against the stone wall as Peter huffs in frustration when a clumsy James drops some slime on his head.

“Great.” Peter sighs and Remus get closer to wipe the green goo off his face, when a bit falls in his hair. 

“Cheer up Pettigrew, just imagine the Slytherin’s faces when they’ll come into the Great Hall covered in this!” Remus grins.

James gives a small kick in Peter’s ribs, signaling that he’s done and wants to get down. He just about puts his foot on the flagstone when they hear the distinctive meowing of Ms Norris.

“Shit!” James whispers.

“Fuck, get the map, Pete!”

Peter fumbles with the piece of parchment, getting it out of his back pocket in a hurry and trying to unfold it. 

“No time, let’s go!”

“You guys go ahead, I still need to set up the charm work for the puking!” Remus hurries them along. 

“Moony, it’s not worth it, come on!” Peter pleads. 

“It’s fine, go on!”

James grabs Peter’s arm, hauling him down the west corridor. Remus works fast, casting the charms on the last two pumpkins before he hears another meow from the damn feline followed by Filch’s creaky voice.

“What is it, dearest? Have you found a student out of bed?”

Remus’ heart is thundering as he starts coursing down the hallway and unfortunately makes a wrong turn. Peeves seems to have fucked up in his only job: keeping Filch away from them as they set up the prank. No surprise there , Remus thinks as he rounds the corner of the corridor. He curses under his breath, hearing the cat one hallway away from him. She has it out for him, he’s sure she can smell the wolf. He turns and decides to go hide out in the abandoned girls bathroom, knowing Filch despises ghosts and is less likely to come and find him here, as this particular bathroom is haunted by a especially loud and whiny poltergeist. After a couple of minutes or so pass, he believes he’s in the clear. He goes to the faucets, wanting to splash some water on his face and wash off some of the green slime from his hair, but as he turns the valve, no water comes out. Frowning, he tries the one next to it but to no avail. Remus gets distracted by the small serpents carved around the taps and doesn’t notice that someone has made it into the bathroom. He lifts his head, and catches the reflection of Sirius Black in the mirror, prefect badge gleaming in the moonlight.

“Fuck.” he mutters as he turns around, leaning against the sink, arms crossed. 

“Well, well.”

“Yeah, okay, just dock me some points, let’s get it over with.” Remus says as he goes to walk past the Slytherin and out of the bathroom.

“Not so fast, Lupin.” Black says as he catches his wrist. The effect is immediate, one of his silver rings connects with Remus’ skin and he gasps, jerking away. Sirius Black cocks his head, a quizzical look on his face.

“Don’t fucking touch me.” he says, rubbing the red and irritated skin where the silver has burned him.

“I know you’re up to something, Lupin.” He eyes him suspiciously, trying to corner him and force an answer out of him.

“Yeah? Well you’ve got no fucking proof.” Remus spits, anger bubbling up.

Black steps closer and reaches a hand to his hair where the slime still sticks to some strands. Remus reacts once again on instinct, pushing him away, hard, both hands connect with his shoulders and Sirius’ back slams into a stall. This time, Remus crowds him, getting his wand out and pointing it directly under his chin. He doesn’t know why he’s having such a guttural reaction to the boy but all he knows is that his skin is hot, he feels trapped and wants to take back the control he thinks he has somehow lost in this situation.

“I told you not to fucking touch me.” it comes out as more of a growl. He’s now standing so close from Black, he can see his wide silver eyes glinting with something he cannot place. Adrenaline is pumping through his veins and even though the next full moon is about a week away, Remus finds a rumbling deep in his chest, the wolf somehow sensing that something is afoot. They stay like this for a few seconds, Sirius Black breathing hard with his eyebrows knitted together in confusion, Remus angry and wanting to curse him. Eventually he snaps out of it and takes a step back, effectively breaking the spell they were both under. Remus feels uncomfortable, confused and just plain tired. He turns around and leaves but not before he hears Black’s strangled voice.

“F━ fifty points from Gryffindor for being out of bed past curfew.”

As deranged as it might be, Remus smiles a little. 

━━━ 

Friday 5th of September 1980

They’ve been staring at the stupid tap for at least a half an hour, trying different spells.

“Maybe… Rub it?”

“I don’t think it needs a handjob to open, Sirius.”

Myrtle laughs in the background. 

“Well I don’t know!”

“I’m pretty sure you need to speak Parseltongue in order to open it, it would make sense for a giant snake and seeing as Riddle is the heir of Salazar Slytherin...” Remus says, crouching down to look at the underside of the sink. 

Sirius thinks for a moment, trying to remember if he’s ever met anyone who could speak the long lost language of serpents. Then, an idea spurs him on as he starts rummaging through the satchel. He knows Remus will hate it, but he doesn’t see any other options. He finally summons what he’s been looking for, getting a hold of a quill as well and drops onto the ground. 

“What are you doing?” comes Remus’ panicked voice. 

“I know what you said, but this is the only way I can think of to get us in.”

“This isn’t a good idea, Sirius!”

“Do you see any other ways right this second?

When Remus doesn’t answer, Sirius puts the tip of the quill against the paper and starts to write in Tom Riddle’s journal. 

Are you a Parselmouth?

Yes.

Can you teach me something in Parseltongue?

Yes.

Sirius feels himself fall, everything around him going dark. Then, he gets up, his limbs are numb and even though he can see, it’s like he’s under water, everything about him feels sluggish. In the back of his mind, he’s conscious but it reminds him of being under the Imperio curse. He says something out loud but doesn’t recognize his voice and a few more seconds pass before a rattling noise reverberates around the bathroom. A second later, he slumps to the ground, his body and mind tired as if he’s been run over by a train. Remus is next to him in an instant, running diagnostic spells and making sure he’s alright. 

“That was incredibly stupid.” he concludes when the spells show no damage. 

“But it worked.” Sirius says as he points towards where the faucets used to stand, now a gaping hole just big enough for them to drop down.

“I’m not going down there.” Remus answers, peering down the dark passage. 

“Come on, Moony, where’s your sense of adventure?” he teases, getting up a bit too fast, his head now pounding. 

“We don’t even know what’s down there!”

“Hopefully a giant snake?” he tries with humour. 

“When you die, you’re always welcome to my toilet.” Myrtle says, batting translucent eyelashes at them both. 

Sirius turns to Remus with a grin challenging him. Remus sighs, rolling his eyes as he cannot find any other excuses. “You first.”

“Sure thing, love.” Sirius gets to the edge and without so much of an afterthought, jumps down. He immediately regrets his decision as his body slides down and gets slammed from side to side, his shoulders connecting with hard stones protruding from the winding tunnel. He lands on his arse, hard and with a crunch. Scared for a second that he’s broken a bone, he tries getting up, quickly realizes that it isn’t his bones that have cracked, rather the multitude of them he touched down on. The thought barely has time to register as Remus essentially slams down into him and landing right on top of his bruised body and ego.

“Ouch.”

“Not your brightest idea.” Remus says, detangling himself from Sirius.

“Agreed” he confirms. Getting up and brushing off the dust and bone fragments off his robes, They take a look around. Various tunnels look to be connected to the main chamber in which they’ve ended up. 

“Pipes.”

“What?”

“That’s how it must have gotten around, why no one noticed a giant snake going about the castle.” Sirius points out as Remus looks up, taking in their surroundings. 

“Great. So where do we go next?”

“I’d say follow the bones?” Sirius juts his chin directing them deeper into a subterranean passage.

They start walking, wands drawn. Sirius remembers his brother telling them about the Basilisk and its capabilities. They know not to look at it directly in the eyes but other than that they don’t really have a plan to speak of. Nerves are starting to prickle at the back of his neck, making him hyper aware of every sound around them. He can feel Remus is equally as tense next to him. They come to a narrower part of the underground cave, having to duck to avoid some rocks and once through, Sirius takes a sharp breath in recoiling at the sight in front of them.

“Holy fucking shite.” 

A fifty feet long snake rests before them. They are both immobile, not daring to move an inch when he realizes that the snake isn’t exactly a snake anymore. 

“It’s the Basilisk’s shed.”

“That’s one big fucking snake, Sirius.”

“I know. Well at least we now know it exists.”

“Or it did at some point” Remus says, getting closer to inspect the head. “How the fuck are we going to get the venom?” He’s starting to sound a little panicky, Sirius wants to reassure him but he honestly doesn’t have an answer to his question. Just as he’s about to offer some words of comfort, he sees something glinting in the distance behind the giant snake skin. Without a word, he starts walking towards it.

“Hey? Sirius?”

“There, come.”

A few steps further, hidden behind a large rock formation stands an intricate stone carvings of serpents adorned with emerald eyes. Sirius steps up to it, trying to look for an entrance but he cannot find anything that could remotely be an opening. This is it , he thinks. He turns to Remus, wondering what to do but before he can ask the question out loud, Remus speaks Parseltongue. 

“What? I just remembered what you said earlier.” he shrugs. Sirius smirks, wondering how he would do all of this without the man. 

The wall cracks open as the snakes part away from the shifting stone. Sirius looks at Remus, heart beating fast in anticipation.

They step into the echoey chamber, there are high stone pillars with more serpents carved around them and pools of water on each side of a walkway. The floor is wet and the air feels somehow colder than in the passage. They step carefully, wands alight, their steps resonating around them. Sirius can feel the adrenaline pumping through him as he listens carefully for anything that could indicate the presence of the monster. At the end of the rows of pillars, a giant statue stands, water dripping from the crevices of its stoney robes.

“Salazar.” Sirius whispers.

He cannot see the head but he’s sure the statue is the founder of his Hogwarts house. Suddenly, Sirius hears a shifting noise from above them, his reflex is to move, coming to stand in front of Remus, wand lifted above his head. Remus grabs his wrist, tugging back, whispering furiously for him to come. There’s a distinctive noise of something slithering against the wet stone and Sirius’ survival instincts finally kick in as he turns, now running alongside Remus to go hide behind a stone pillar near the entrance. They make as little noise as possible, Sirius rummaging through the satchel, he pulls out the two way mirror, taking a peek in the direction they just came from. 

“Careful!” Remus mutters under his breath, “It can still petrify you!”

Sirius angles the mirror down and almost drops it as he sees movement reflecting in it. 

“Shit. Yeah.”

There’s a low rumbling and Sirius curses the fact that they still have no concrete plan, his eyes shutting for a second as he rests his head against the stone, trying to calm his breathing down. When he opens his eyes again, Remus looks at him, calm and collected before offering his hand and mouthing:

“Together.”

Sirius nods and they step out from behind their hiding place, firing spells at the beast. They both keep their eyes downcast but even so they can see how enormous it is as it snaps its jaws in their direction. Sirius tries every nasty spell he knows but it seems to have no effect on the Basilisks as they bounce off its scales. Finally, a well aimed hex by Remus hits the creature in its right eye, blood leaking out of the wound.

“Keep going for the eyes!” Remus yells. Just then, as the giant snake dives for him, Remus reacts fast, twisting his body out of the way. Unfortunately, he loses his footing at the edge of the stone path and Sirius sees him fall down into the water below. He screams his name and nearly gets decapitated by the Basilisk as its attention now turns to him. Sirius’ way is blocked by the monster and he cannot go around him, now forced to retrieve in the direction of more tunnels instead of getting to Remus. He runs, heading for a passage on the west side where he hides, and listens for the sound of scales gliding across the damp floor. He hears the deep rumble of the serpent breathing and can just about make out its nose in the darkness. In a moment of sheer luck and bravery worthy of a Gryffindor, Sirius gets the pocket knife from his robes and stabs the Basilisk in its left eye, rendering it now completely blind. Momentarily distracted by the pain and shrieking, Sirius manages to get past the creature, running back towards where Remus fell. Sirius slides across the wet floor, getting on his knees to peer into the water but he can’t see Remus. He panics, not wanting to scream his name as not to alert the serpent of his position. Not a second later though, Remus emerges from the water with a great gasp and a… sword?

“Remus!” Sirius helps him out, pulling at his soaked clothing, managing to haul him out of the water. His hands come up to Remus’ face who’s still panting and coughing up water.

“I’m alright, I’m ok. Where is it?” Remus says, looking behind Sirius. 

“Tunnels, I got it in the eye, it’s blind now.” Sirius answers, turning in the direction he left the snake. “What the fuck is this?”

“No clue, found it at the bottom of the water, useful though in this situation I guess.”

“We’ll take all we can get.” 

Just as they both get up, the Basilisk creeps its head back into the chamber. They both freeze, trying extra hard not to make a single sound. Sirius gestures to the statue, trying to convey to Remus that they should retreat silently, get to higher grounds. Remus nods and starts to walk backwards. 

They are both tensed, eyes transfixed on the blind monster, now able to fully take in the sheer size of it as it lifts its head up in the air, probably trying to listen for their steps. Sirius’ back hits the feet of the Salazar statue and he starts climbing, helping Remus up as he holds the sword. One of Remus’ feet loses its grip halfway up and some rocks come tumbling down effectively signaling their position. Sirius has just enough time to grab Remus free arm, hauling him up onto a stony ledge before the Basilisk swoops down, mouth wide open heading straight for them. Sirius is sure they are done for but Remus’ lycanthropic reflexes save them as he jams the sword upward, impaling the monster through its upper jaw. A shriek emanates from its throat, raw and terrifying, it twists and swivels, hitting the statue with its rear, making them both fall down in the process.

Sirius hits the ground with a thud, dropping at least fifteen feets down. His body hurts and he tries to turn, hearing a moan coming from his left. He sees Remus on the ground, his right arm buried under fallen pieces of stone. He reacts immediately, rushing to his side to check on him, removing the rocks to take a look at his arm.

“Remus, Remus, please.” He is out of it, Sirius is scared he also hit his head, all he can get out of Remus are moans of pain. “It’s okay, you’ll be fine.” He lifts his wand, running some diagnostics on the man splayed before him. He’s got a concussion, two bruised ribs and his right arm is in bad shape, broken in two places. The ribs and the concussion he can’t do anything for but he can immobilize the arm for now and heal it once they are safe again. He seized with fear as he realizes that he hasn’t even checked to see if they were safe. Sirius turns fast, taking in the sight before him: the Basilisk is down, its great mouth is propped open by the glinting sword, unmoving. He blows a breath of relief, his attention returning to Remus, he immobilizes his arm the best he can with what he finds in their satchel. 

“Remus?” he says, a hand cupping his face, running his thumb back and forth on his jaw, trying to wake him. Remus’ eyebrows crease and his eyes finally jolt open, he tries to get back up but Sirius stops him. “Not so fast. You have a concussion, bruised some ribs and broke your arm, go easy.”

“Is it dead?”

“Yeah.” Sirius breaths out as he turns, looking at the great beast. “You kicked ass.” he chuckled. Remus smiles at him but Sirius can see the twist of pain as a wheeze comes out of his mouth. 

“I packed some vials in the satchel, for the venom.”

Sirius nods, looking through the bag and locating the tickering glass containers, pulling three out. He tentatively approaches the seemingly dead monster, still scared that it might wake up. But as he sees the blood oozing out of the wound the sword has left, he’s reassured. He pulls out the weapons with a squelching noise and staches it in the bag, thinking it might still come in handy. Sirius crouches down, finding the two great big fangs dripping with black poison. He unscrews each vial and fills them up as much as possible, placing them delicately back in the bag, wrapped in a shirt. His fingers graze the diary and he pulls it out. Even if it was useful to get in here, it remains a Horcrux and needs to be destroyed. He magically summons the ring as well, placing both of them in front of him on the cold damp floor. He glances back at Remus who nods in confirmation before he turns, facing both pieces of dark magic. He grabs one of the vials, delicately uncorking it, ready to tip it, but before he can do anything, the Horcruxes start hissing. It looks as if they are vibrating and a wave of dark magic explodes out of it, propelling Sirius several feet away, closer to Remus. A large cloud of smoke comes out, the fumes smelling of sulfur and twisting into the recognisable shape of his ex-lover. Sirius can hear the Horcruxes whisper to him once again, bringing his darkest thoughts forth.

“Pathetic Sirius Black. Uncared for by his parents. Unloved by the one he wants. Killer.”

The voice sounds like Remus’, except it sounds false, coming in a vicious tone and it hits Sirius square in the chest. He’s fallen to the ground from the force of the wave and tries to get away from the billowing smoke as it turns into a scene he remembers oh too well. 

“You killed my friend, who could love you after this? You are just as selfish and arrogant as the rest of your family, bound to be a dark wizard like the rest of them.”

Tears drip down Sirius’ face as he sees the memory of that night play out before his eyes: the smoke version of himself hitting Peter with a spell to get him into Bellatrix’ way so her focus shifts away from Remus, Bellatrix hitting Peter with an Avada, Remus witnessing the whole thing, horror on his features, Peter tumbling off his broom, plummeting towards the ground. Sirius doesn’t want to see it, he knows what he’s done. 

His hands come up to his hair and he tugs, closing his eyes, willing the images to just go away. “I━ I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He jolts as he feels a hand on his shoulder. He realizes that Remus has crawled to him and is screaming his name but he can barely hear him over the sound of the mocking voice. 

“Even Regulus doesn’t want to be in your life, he couldn’t wait for you to leave so he can get on with his life!”

Remus reaches for his hand which has the vial of poison clutched into it, he takes from Sirius and throws it with a perfect aim at the two Horcruxes on the ground. The effect is immediate as the smoke seems to retract back on itself, both dark artefacts hissing and bubbling as if touched by acid. And at once, it all stops. The diary and the ring just sit there, plain, if only damaged by the venom, but with no sign of anything evil left in them. Sirius heaves a great sob, his whole body is shaking as Remus’ good arm comes around him, practically dragging him in his lap. He cries and cries, apologising to Remus for everything, the pain of the last two, three years just pouring out of him. It’s as if the floodgates have opened and he cannot stop them, he can’t put it all back in a corner of his head, can’t bury it deep inside anymore. It’s all raw and out in the open. 

“It’s okay, Sirius, I’m here.” his hand stroking Sirius’ hair, trying to soothe him. He just grabs on to Remus. 

His head is resting against Remus’ chest, he can hear his heart beat. It is calm and reassuring so he focuses on that. After what feels like an eternity, the tears start to slow down and his breathing almost comes back to normal. He looks up at the same time as Remus catches his gaze. Sirius reluctantly extricates himself from Remus’ embrace but keeps one of his hands on his chest just above his heart. Remus’ comes to rest atop his, interlacing their fingers, their eyes never leaving one another. Sirius’ eyes flicker down to Remus’ lips for a second and he knows he doesn’t deserve it, but in this moment, Remus is the only person who can put him back together. He brings his other hand up at the nape of Remus’ neck, feeling the way his hair curls up softly there. He slowly pulls him forward, giving Remus time to refuse if he wants to but the man in front of him just stares, mouth ajar, his breath quickening. Their lips connect and it's everything. Everything that Sirius remembers and more. Remus’ lips are soft and it makes his heart sing a thousand songs. Remus’ hand comes up to his face cupping his jaw, fingers grazing his throat and he sighs, deepening the kiss. Sirius’ tongue works of its own accord, moving forward to search for Remus’, wanting to taste all of him. He breathes him in, he drinks him in, he never wants this moment to end. 

“Sirius.” Remus whispers between kisses and Sirius melts at the sound of his given name on Remus’ lips, he needs more. “Sirius, we━”

Sirius realizes that Remus isn’t saying his name out of pleasure, he’s actually trying to say something. 

“Y━yes?” he asks, trailing kisses at the corner of his mouth, cheek and jaw. Remus lifts his head, exposing his throat, mumbling incoherent things before he grabs on to Sirius’ shoulder, moving him away softly. Sirius already misses the warmth but he forces himself not to go right back to what he was doing. Remus looks at him, swallowing, seemingly trying to regain composure.

“We should go. We have to go.” he says decisively. 

Sirius finally gets his wits back, agreeing, getting up and pulling Remus along. He’s blushing and it makes Sirius want to pull him back in but he resists the urge. Sirius offers his arm to Remus and he takes it, a quizzical look on his face 

“I reckon the Hogwarts wards don’t encompass this place, we should be able to Apparate.” Sirius explains. Remus nods and just before Sirius feels the twist in his stomach signaling the pull of Apparition, his heart, body and soul scream but just one thing: home .

Chapter Text

Friday 5th of September 1980

There’s a soft knock on his bedroom door, Regulus casts a quick Tempus charm, it’s around seven o’clock in the morning. His heart is racing but he clears his throat before he speaks. 

“Come in.”

James peeks his head in, a shy smile on his lips. 

“I just wanted to let you know they’re okay.”

Regulus releases a breath, his shoulders slumping as some of the tension he’s been carrying leaves him. Ever since his brother and Remus made plans to break into Hogwarts, he’s had a bad feeling, one that could not be shaken out of him. But now, he’s just grateful they are safe.

“They did it, Regulus.” James says as he steps into the bedroom, “They found the Basilisk and killed it, they got the poison.” He’s smiling broadly now, excited by the news. 

Regulus smiles back, barely computing what James has just told him. This is major, this is actual progress. They could actually do this, succeed. “That’s amazing!” he says, “So not just a house rumour after all, huh?”

“Yeah… Remus got injured but it’s nothing major, your brother said. They’re getting some sleep, he suggested we talk tomorrow.”

“Great.” Regulus shifts slightly on his bed, self conscious, suddenly realizing that James Potter is standing in his bedroom. Well, not exactly his bedroom as it is still James’ house but the space he’s been living in for a few months now. It occurs to him that time seems to pass slowly and somehow fast as well since he’s moved into Potter Cottage. The days look alike and the only real mark of time are those moments he gets to see and talk to Sirius and Remus through the mirror.

Maybe sensing his discomfort, James clears his throat. “I wondered if you’d like to brew some potions today?”

Regulus is surprised by the request and can’t help but laugh a little. “You want to brew some potions?”

“Yeah? I thought it might be a good idea, seeing as we gave a few to Sirius and Remus when they left and haven’t been able to restock them. To be honest, Remus used to brew all our potions.” he says, a hand coming to the back of his neck, ruffling his already messed up morning mop of hair.

“Yeah, okay.” Regulus tries to bite down the smile coming up, “Give me a minute to get dressed?”

James fumbles, turning around to exit “Oh yes, sorry, absolutely, take your time!”

Regulus can’t help but chuckle a bit after the door closes behind him.

━━━

He finds James in his father’s atelier, on all fours, half of his body inside a cupboard. 

Regulus knows it’s a bad idea, but he can’t help himself, “What are you doing?” he says a bit louder than normal.

James startles and bumps his head. He comes back out, a string of curse words on his tongue as he rubs the tender spot under his heap of curls. “I was looking for a particular cauldron but I think my dad might have gotten rid of it.” He has an idiotic smile on his face, Regulus just wants to erase it but instead, he turns to take in his surroundings.

The space is beautiful and well organised, utensils lined up neatly on the wall, two shelves above a brewing station adorned with several plants. The worktop is made out of dull copper from years of spillage and clean up, three fires set up atop it. There’s so much light inside thanks to the windows in the same style as the sunroom and Regulus thinks that this might be his new favorite space in the house. He hadn’t dared venturing in it as it was James’ late father’s atelier, he thought James wanted it undisturbed. Now that he knows it wasn’t the case, he curses himself for not asking about it earlier. All this time wasted when he could have done what he loves the most: brewing. 

James gestures to a set of French doors across in the corner of the room. “This, you’re going to love, I think.” he says, both hands resting on the handles, looking at Regulus with anticipation. He swings them slowly open and Regulus stands there, mouth open, eyes bulging. Oh he wants to cry, it’s gorgeous. It’s an entire pantry, high shelves filled with vials and jars of ingredients organised alphabetically, everything you might ever need to make any and every potion known to wizardkind.

“James…” he breathes out, stepping into the space. “This is━” he turns, taking it all in. “This is incredible.”

“I knew you’d like it.” James answers, observing Regulus with a satisfied expression. “It was my dad’s job after all.”

Regulus’ fingers can’t help but trace the beautiful handwritten labels under each item. 

“My mom wrote those,” he hears James says behind him, catching his eyes over his shoulder, he can see the nostalgia reflected in them. “I inherited my father’s handwriting, unfortunately.”

Regulus smiles, turning fully toward him. “What are we brewing?” He’s excited, this is probably more of a threat for him than the flying. 

“I was thinking about a couple of basics? Some calming and invigoration draught, blood replenishing potion, maybe a couple of antidotes for poison... Anything you’d like that might be useful in a pinch?”

Regulus nods enthusiastically and directly starts pulling everything they might need for a calming drought. He lines up each ingredient on the counter, selects the right cauldron, prepares the station, making sure that everything is neat and tidy. Neat, tidy. He stops dead in his tracks, hand hovering above a stirring rod. He doesn’t want his mother’s voice ruining this moment but his mind still forces him to align the rod with the rest of the utensils they will need. He can feel James’ eyes on him but he doesn’t say anything and Regulus is grateful for it. They start working on different potions, brewing as many as three at the same time and Regulus is having the time of his life even though he’d never admit it aloud. He instructs James on everything and he listens attentively, a stark difference between now and their school days. 

“No, it needs to be a fine powder, keep going.” Regulus says stirring the blood replenishing potion counter clockwise.

“It looks fine to me.” James says looking down in his mortar and pestle at the dried doxy eggs.

“We don’t strive for fine here James, only excellence.” Regulus retorts with a satisfied smirk. 

“Oooh sorry, your Highness.” James answers with false reverence.

“You still are the worst brewing partner I’ve ever had.”

“Back at you.” James jabs back with a mischievous smile. 

Their banter is interrupted by the sound of a beak tapping on glass, it turns out to be one of the Daily Prophet's owls, coming to deliver the morning’s issue. James goes up to open the window, offering a squirming leech as payment and grabs the newspaper. He unfolds it, scanning the front page quickly but Regulus doesn’t really pay attention, focusing on the stirring of his potion. 

“Reggie…”

Regulus’ head snaps up at the affectionate nickname usually only used by his brother and his eyes connect with James’ sad ones. Panic starts coursing through his body. 

“What?”

James hands him the paper, already apologizing. But Regulus ignores him as he starts to read the headline: DEATH EATER EVAN ROSIER KILLED IN AUROR RAID . 

Regulus drops the paper, he feels like he has been punched in the stomach, he can’t take a full breath. There’s a ringing in his ears, he can see James’ mouth moving but he can’t hear what he’s saying, as if he’s under water. Suddenly his vision gets blurry, not understanding why, Regulus’ hand comes up to his face and he realizes he’s crying. His legs give out from under him, collapsing, his knees connecting with the hard stone floor. James is there immediately, his arms encircling him and Regulus lets it all out, not caring what he looks or sounds like. He buries his face in the crook of James' neck and sobs, his entire body shaking with grief and sadness at the loss of one of his best friends. Still, his mind doesn’t want to accept it, and cannot comprehend how or what has happened. The next thought that pops in his head is Barty. Oh Barty, no . He clamours out of James’ embrace, grabbing for the paper once again, frantically reading through the article and periodically swiping away the tears that keep tumbling down his cheeks.

Evan Rosier, nineteen years of age, was killed late last night during an Auror-led operation targeting suspected Death Eater activity in East Sussex. A statement was released by the head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Bartemius Crouch Snr, stating that the only casualty of the raid had been the Death Eater and that an Auror, Alastor Moody, had sustained some injuries during the altercation with Rosier.

Rosier, a former student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, was long believed to be affiliated with You-Know-Who’s inner circle, though no formal charges had ever been filed prior to last night’s raid. His name had however appeared on a confidential Ministry watchlist since his graduation.

The Ministry urges all citizens to remain vigilant and to report any suspicious activity. No further details about the raid have been disclosed at this time.

A private funeral will not be permitted until the Department of Mysteries completes a postmortem investigation.

He reads it once. Then twice. A third time just to be sure. Barty’s name doesn’t appear, only his father’s. 

“Reggie, I━”

Regulus just shakes his head. “Barty…”

“Barty? Barty Crouch Jr?”

“Yes, I need to owl him.”

“Regulus, no, you can’t.” James reaches out.

“I have to!” he answers defensively, clutching the paper to his chest, retreating. 

“Reggie, I’m sorry, you can’t. People think you and Sirius are dead, we can’t compromise that, it’s the only thing keeping you safe for now.” James looks at him with so much pity, Regulus hates it. 

“But━ I━ Barty…”

“I’m sorry.”

Regulus makes sound that isn’t even human, just pure hurt as he folds forward, effectively into James’ lap. The other boy doesn’t seem to mind, he tries to console Regulus, one hand stroking his hair, the other one on his back. It feels like hours pass by before they move. Regulus is numb and tired, he barely reacts when James lifts him in his arms, carrying him upstairs to his bedroom. He sets him up on the bed, takes off his shoes and pulls the cover up to his chin and Regulus lets him. James goes to leave but as he takes a step in the direction of the door, Regulus grabs his wrist.

“Stay?”

It’s a question, but it sounds more like he’s begging. Before he can even feel disgusted with himself and his neediness, James answers. 

“Of course.”

He settles next to Regulus on top of the duvet, a hand coming back up to his hair as he starts shushing him. Regulus almost starts crying again when he tries to remember the last time someone took care of him like this, because he can’t, truly. His thoughts get more spaced out and eventually, he slips into a comatose slumber.

━━━

Wednesday 5th November 1975

He drops down unceremoniously on one of the leather sofas in the common room with a huff. Evan looks up from the book he’s reading, an eyebrow raised. 

“Well you’re just emanating positive energy today, Regulus.”

Barty who’s sitting at Evan’s feet on the ground snickers as he keeps carving a small snake out of some wood with a pocket knife.

“You would be too if you had my potion partner.” Regulus complains, arms crossed over his chest. He’s annoyed and feels like complaining.

“You’re the one who had to go and abandon us to move up a class… I’d say it’s karma.” Barty says.

“What do you know about karma?” Regulus taunts.

Barty just chuckles again, focusing back on his woodwork. Evan puts his book down, turning slightly towards Regulus. He can feel a lecture coming on.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, you’ll just end up taking over and do it all yourself anyway. You are Regulus fucking Black of The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. He’s just a stupid cocky Gryffindor.” 

“Well that’s the issue now, isn’t it? Potter is just so entitled and has an ego the size of the Black Lake, I should just mess up the potion on purpose.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I so would!” he defends himself, offended that his friend just sees right through him.

Evan just snorts, shaking his head in disbelief. Regulus just looks at him, trying to convey as much spite as he can in his stare. Of course he wouldn’t sabotage the potion, but the important part is that he could if he wanted to. He doesn’t even understand why Potter is taking the Potions class anyway. He would have much preferred to work with the redhead, at least she knows what she’s doing. Regulus gets lost in his thoughts observing how the flames dance in the hearth. He misses the rest of the conversation between Evan and Barty but when he refocuses, something catches his attention. 

“Whatever, I have to meet up with Cercei.” Barty says, getting up swiftly and heading to the exit of the Slytherin common room.

“Yeah, you do that.” Evan scowls.

There’s a beat of silence before Regulus dares to ask what this was all about but Evan refuses to explain further as Pandora hops onto the arm of the sofa.

“Oh they argued because Barty made a crude joke about Potter. And because Barty is oblivious.”

Regulus tries to hide his laugh, the frankness of their friend has always amused him terribly. Evan on the other hand sputters, denying the whole thing and grumbles under his breath that Barty is just an idiot. Pandora and Regulus share a knowing look that speaks volume. Regulus knocks his foot against Evan’s.

“Astronomy tower tonight?”

Evan nods, a soft smile on his face.

Regulus had hoped his friends would start realizing their feelings for each other but then Barty had to go and get himself a pureblood girlfriend, Cercei Greengrass. Regulus always had the feeling that Barty thought he needed to prove himself to those around him, not being part of any prominent family. He knows Barty’s father works at the Ministry as head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement and is a strict man but then again, so are any other patriarch Regulus has had the dispkeasure of meeting, including his own. But Barty always wants to defy his father and Regulus can’t understand the motivation behind that.

“Anyway, back to your Potter problem.”

Regulus groans, not wanting to discuss it any further but knowing that it might be a good way to distract Evan from his broken heart. 

“He just doesn’t pay attention, he’s either sleeping or making googly eyes at Lily Evans, even though she despises him and will hex him at any given chance.”

“Isn’t his dad like a famous potioneer?” Pandora asks in her dreamy voice.

“Oh yeah, he invented Sleekeazy's hair potion! Love that stuff, I use it all the time.” Evan says.

 “Honestly, Potter could use some as well.” Regulus mocks. “It’s fine, I don’t really have a choice anyway, I already tried to ask Slughorn for a new partner and he refused. My brother is stuck in the same situation as me, he got Lupin.”

“Oh he must be delighted!” Evan laughs.

Pandora comes to settle between the two boys, an arm behind each of them, she opens her mouth, a smile on her lips, about to probably make another joke but before she utters a word, her eyes roll to the back of her head. Regulus and Evan go very still, staring at their friend with concern simultaneously reaching for one of her hands. A few seconds pass before she comes back to herself, looking around as if trying to remember where she is. The fog seems to lift as she recognizes the two wizards holding her hands to keep her grounded. 

“I’m okay.” she says softly. She turns to Regulus, smiling at him. “One day, even the star that never meets the sun will feel its warmth.” The hand that Regulus was holding comes up to his face, stroking his cheek. He’s taken aback by the tender gesture and the cryptic message but knows better than to ask for further information from his friend. Even she has no idea what her visions are about most of the time. 

━━━

That evening, Regulus and Evan sneak out of the Slytherin common room and make it up to the Astronomy tower. It’s a place they can always come and be themselves, where they don’t have to watch what they say or do, without the prying eyes of the rest of the snakes from their house that might report to their parents. They sit on the edge of the tower, their feet dangling down into the cold November night. Regulus likes to come to watch the stars and occasionally teaches Evan about them. The wind is colder up here but it’s nothing a couple of warming charms can’t fix. Evan releases a big sigh after a while and Regulus turns his head to glance at his friend, waiting for him to unburden himself. He doesn’t expect what comes out of his mouth next.

“I think I’m in love with Barty.”

Regulus chuckles and Evan immediately turns to him, affronted. “Yeah, I gathered that.”

“What do you mean, you gathered that?”

“Oh come on, you are not exactly hiding it very well.” Panic makes its way onto Evan’s face and Regulus rushes to reassure him, “I see it because I know you, it’s not like it would be obvious to others, don’t worry. It’s in the furtive looks, the bickering, the small gestures,... I just noticed a while ago, that’s it.”. He rests a hand on his friend’s arm in a comforting gesture.

“Am I really this blatantly obvious?” Evan asks with worry.

“I’ve lived with you for the past few years now, I notice things.”

There’s silence but Regulus can still feel some unease in the wizard. Sharing has never been Regulus' forte, he always preferred saying as little as possible about himself, it makes it easier when people eventually disappoint you or use those things against you. But for as long as he’s been friends with Evan, he has done no such thing, has never used anything he knows about Regulus to hurt him in any way. Seeing as Evan just shared something very intimate, Regulus feels the need to do the same. With as much courage as he can muster, he exhales and says: 

“I think I━ I might like boys too?”

Evan just looks at him and Regulus can feel himself blush, now very happy that the night can hide his colour. 

“You do?” he chuckles and Regulus is scared this was a mistake. But then Evan adds, “Are you in love with Barty?!”

“Merlin, no!”

They then both start laughing, hard, tears are springing to Regulus’ eyes and he wipes them away, no longer self-conscious. After a few minutes of belly aching laughter, they calm down and Evan looks up as if the answer he seeks is in the stars.

“I’m so fucked, aren’t I?”

“Yeah.” Regulus breathes out, the weight of their statements taking space between them. Both boys realize that whatever they will do with their lives, they will never be able to live it as their authentic selves. 

━━━

Saturday 6th of September 1980

James wakes up in a strange bed. For a second he’s disoriented but then the events of the day play back in his mind. He realizes that Regulus is no longer lying next to him and the cover feels cold so this must mean he left a while ago. James stretches his aching limbs, he slept on his right side for too long, essentially spooning Regulus. James locates his wand on the nightstand, casting a Tempus charm that tells him it's a little bit past four in the morning. They slept through the afternoon and most of the night. He gets up to go search for Regulus, determined to not leave him alone to grieve. James knows too well how grief works, how some people need the comfort of others like air and how others tend to push their loved ones away. He was the latter and he bets that Regulus is the same. He remembers being so bitter and angry at everyone around him when his parents died, he preferred the company of a bottle to his actual friends. Determined not to let Regulus isolate himself, he goes in search on him.

As he goes to head downstairs, James halts when he feels a breeze in the corridor. At the end of the hallway, he spots an open window. Intrigued, he goes to close it but notices that someone has left a book to keep the window propped open. He steps onto the wooden sill that groans under his weight, peers out to the roof and spots Regulus. A sad smile tugs at his lips as he observes the young man. He looks so small in the moonlight, his knees hugged to his chest, looking up at the sky. James does some risky acrobatics to get out and join him, cursing himself when he almost slips off.

“Hi.”

“Hi.” Regulus’ voice is barely above a whisper and sounds strained, James wants to reach out but he stops himself before the idea fully forms in his head. 

“Whatcha doing up here?”

Regulus doesn’t answer right away, he just keeps on looking up and James is scared he hasn’t heard him.

“We used to go up the astronomy tower and look at the stars together, you know. Evan didn’t know anything about them, but I had to learn as a kid. It was the only tutoring I didn’t hate. I felt like I could fly up and join them, take my space up there with my namesake and disappear, not have to come back down. As I grew up of course I understood that wasn’t possible. But wherever I was, I knew I could look up at the stars and still find them there, they were always reliable like that. Evan was too. He was the only one who knew me, who knew the true me. I didn’t have to lie to Evan.” He takes a shuddering breath before he continues: “I left them, James. They were my friends and this whole time, I didn’t even think about them or what could happen to them. I left them to die at the hand of a mad man, to fight for a cause they don’t even truly believe in. I left them to go hide, like the coward that I am. And now, he’s dead. Evan is dead and I wasn’t there.”

“Regulus, no, you can’t think like this. They made a choice━”

“What choice, James? They were just born in the wrong families.”

James doesn’t know what else to say, all he wants to do is help Regulus, for him not to feel sad anymore. He wants to take away his grief.

Regulus turns his head to look at James. There are tears rolling down his cheeks as he sits there and James wants to reach out and dry them but he knows Regulus would flinch away if he tried. Nonetheless, he scoots closer to him, making sure the other wizard understands he is there if he needs him to be.

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know. You can be yourself with me as well, Reggie.” he says in lieu of being able to touch him. 

The young Black just turns back, looking at the horizon. The sky is starting to turn different hues of orange and yellows, the night now making room for a new day. Dawn breaks and so does Regulus.

Chapter Text

Tuesday 9th of September 1980

It’s been days since they’ve destroyed the ring and the journal. Remus is taking it easy, letting his arm heal after it broke during their fight with the Basilisk. He mostly sleeps, staying in bed, occasionally getting up to eat. If he’s being honest though, he’s also mainly been avoiding Sirius and the subject of The Kiss. He curses himself for giving it such importance but how could he not? Yes, the adrenaline, the moment, the memories, all of these were factors that might have made a perfect moment for it. But does that mean it was anything less than devastatingly familiar and powerful? No . He tries to not think about it but knows that they will need to talk about it eventually. He can feel that Sirius does the same, avoiding the subject at all cost. In fact, Sirius is barely talking to him, averting his gaze whenever they’re next to each other. He has however turned into a hovering nurse which grinds on Remus’ nerves. If there is one thing Remus Lupin hates, it’s being pitied. This particular evening, Remus tries to finally get out of bed but he’s stopped by an over caring (and honestly overbearing) Sirius who immediately rushes to his side trying to half carry him.

“I’m fine, Sirius, Merlin, I can walk!”

“Sorry…”

Remus already regrets snapping at him. There’s something else they’ve been avoiding talking about for maybe even longer and that is the subject of Peter. Remus saw the supposed memories of Sirius through what the Horcrux was showing them and even though Remus would never forget that night, he never got to hear Sirius’ side of things. He knows that Sirius has a twisted notion in his head that he was in fact trying to save Remus. Still, Remus couldn’t help but to feel angry for so long at the rash decision that led to their friend’s death. But now, after seeing the way it has eaten up at Sirius for the past couple of years, Remus doesn’t want to punish him anymore, he doesn’t want to carry the anger.

“No, I’m sorry, I know you’re just trying to help.”

Sirius’ mouth is drawn in a line as he nods, taking a step away from Remus, showing him that he trusts him to walk independently. Remus ends up sitting at the table in the middle of the tent, Sirius choosing the seat across from him. He knows it needs to come from him, he knows that Sirius has just been waiting this entire time for his forgiveness. Remus doesn’t even know if he can give him what he expects. He just knows that he needs to hear Sirius explain what happened that night. 

“Sirius… I feel like we need to talk.”

The wizard in front of him tenses up, he’s wringing his hands in a very un-Sirius manner. Remus has always seen him confident to the point of cockyness, this version of Sirius, he’s unfamiliar with. 

“Talk, yes.”

“Yes.”

Silence. Well, this isn’t much of a conversation so far. Remus gathers up his courage, taking a deep breath in, both hands coming to rest on top of the table. 

“I need you to tell me how you remember that night. The night Peter… died.” 

“What━ Do you mean you don’t remember?” 

“Of course I remember. But I want to know how you lived it.”

Sirius has an incredulous look on his face that is quickly replaced by a guilty one. He seems to weigh his words before speaking them, Remus is grateful but he also knows that whatever Sirius will say to him, it will hurt. But there’s only one way to get over this and it’s through it. 

Sirius straightens up, a far-away look in his eyes that Remus recognizes as him Occluding . He understands that it might be easier for him to have this conversation without going through all these emotions but Remus doesn’t want him to be numb, he needs to know what Sirius is feeling. He reaches out for Sirius’ hand on the table, interlacing their fingers. 

“Please, don’t Occlude .”

A pained look crosses Sirius’ features but he eventually nods in agreement. 

“That raid didn’t go as planned. We had just come out of a meeting, Rodolphus and Rabastan were all riled up, I’m pretty sure they had been drinking as well. It was simple, we were supposed to just hit an apothecary owned by some Muggle-born. Hit it and leave, that was it. I didn’t know that they were going to blow more shit up, Remus, I swear.” he gulps, audibly. “They started throwing some Bombardas at random… That’s when the Order showed up. I remember seeing Moody and Dearborn then all hell broke loose. At some point I caught sight of James in the air, that’s when I got scared and I started looking for you. Bella kept close to me, she had taken it upon herself to ‘train me’.” he says that last sentence with disgust, Remus remembers his maniacal cousin has a short temper and isn’t afraid of using any Unforgivables . “I saw you on one of the roofs, you mounted your broom and kicked off, followed by Pettigrew. At first, I tried to cast an inconspicuous shield charm but you were moving too fast. Bella spotted you and I━” he cuts off once more, “Remus, I didn’t know what to do, you don’t know her like I do, she’s like a dog with a bone, she wouldn’t have let go of you unless I gave her something━ someone else.”

Remus swallows a sob trying to make its way out of his throat, he wants to keep quiet, to let Sirius continue.

“I sent a Depulso at Pettigrew. His broom deviated off course and into Bella’s path, leaving you time to get ahead. I swear, Remus, I just acted on instinct, I saw you in danger and I just━”

“You decided to act.”

“I never wanted him to get killed. I wasn’t thinking straight. I never do when it’s about you…” he whispers that last part. 

Remus’ mind conjures the image of that night: the moment he turned around, the flash of green that illuminated the night sky around them. Peter’s blank face as his grip went slack, the moment he tumbled off his broom, plummeting down towards the cobble streets on Diagon Alley. The scream that came out of James’ mouth. The victorious cackle of Bellatrix Lestrange. The instant Remus’ eyes connected with silver ones behind a mask. When his heart broke for the second time since knowing Sirius Black.

“Remus, believe me. I never wanted this life. All I ever wanted to do was to protect those I love. You, Reggie. I would have done anything to protect you. I still would.”

It hurts, it burns in the depth of his ribcage. The wolf claws from the inside, trying to get out, to get to Sirius, but Remus won’t let him.

The words are difficult to get out. “I think I need some time, Sirius.” he says eventually.

“Time? Yes, of course, take some time, as much time as you need.” Sirius tells him, a hopeful look in his eyes. Remus nods, glad that Sirius understands his request. Silence settles in the aftermath of a difficult conversation. Remus feels exhausted again. His stomach rumbles in hunger.

“Food?” Sirius asks with a small smile. He seems glad that the painful talk is being tabled for the time being. 

“Yes, I’m starving.”

Their supplies are running low, they’ll soon need to forage or go get some food at some Muggle market but for now they should have enough for a couple of more days. 

They mull over their conversation from a few days ago with James and Regulus. Both men were overjoyed at the prospect of finally making headway in their quest. Remus had shown the sword he had found in the Basilisk’s lair, it clearly had something to do with Godric Gryffindor himself as seen by the inscriptions found on its blade. Regulus had pointed out that it looked an awful lot like it was goblin made and was therefore an even more useful tool than what they had first expected. By slaying the Basilisk with it he explained, Remus had essentially turned it into the perfect Horcrux killing weapon. This was all good and well but they now found themselves once again out of clues as to what to do or where to go next.
Seeing that Remus is still badly injured though, they decide to stay put longer than they usually would.

Gnawing on a stale piece of bread, Remus looks up, finding Sirius’ eyes on him once again. 

“What is it now?”

“No, nothing.” Sirius responds trying to sound innocent, “Can’t I just look at you?”

“I don’t know, you never just look. You observe and analyse. It’s very Slytherin of you.” he jokes.

“Oh is it, now?”

“Mmhmm. I can always feel your eyes on me, too. You’re not as discrete as you might think you are.” he says, taking another bite.

Sirius chuckles, shaking his head. “Well, Moony, I can’t help it. You are just so interesting.” He flashes him a wry smile, Remus tosses what’s left of his bread at him. Gone is the doubt and insecurity and Remus is kind of glad for it. He prefers his Sirius this way.

━━━

Thursday 13th of November 1975

There’s an itch under his skin and he hates it. He’s tried to distract himself with countless books, homeworks and even went as far as to snog a Ravenclaw girl who had been hitting on him since the beginning of term but… No. Nothing has helped. Since the evening in the abandoned girl’s bathroom, Sirius has been searching for Remus Lupin. At every meal, his eyes find him. During each lesson they share, in corridors, or even at night while doing his prefect rounds. Sirius looks for him. He doesn’t want to, but he can’t help it.

He keeps replaying the scene of the confrontation late that evening. He could have sworn that Lupin’s eyes had changed colour that night when he shoved him. He’s sure the wizard is hiding something and whatever it is, it’s big. He somehow feels like it’s his duty to find out what it is.

That afternoon he finds himself with a couple of free periods and he knows for a fact that Lupin does as well. Determined to know what is going on, he goes on a search of the castle to try and find the eluding boy. After a good half hour, he’s just about ready to give up when he walks past the greenhouses. At first, he isn’t sure but then the familiar smell of tobacco hits his nose. It brings back memories of last summer, of cigarette smoke, loud music and a rushed kiss. Sirius quashes the memories as fast as they come and heads in the direction of the strong scent. Just behind greenhouse four, Sirius spots Remus Lupin sitting in the snow, smoking a Muggle cigarette. He hides behind one of the panes of the greenhouse, grateful for the plants inside that somehow are shielding him from view. He watches as Lupin lifts his nose in the air, exhaling smoke. Because of the cold, there’s no way of knowing where his breath ends and the cigarette smoke begins. He looks like a dragon , is Sirius’ first thought. He narrows his eyes, observing as the wizard crushes his fag on the floor, the amber making a hissing sound as it hits the frozen ground. He takes out another, lighting it up with his wand wordlessly. Sirius is intrigued, he leans in, trying to get a better view but accidentally steps on a twig that was covered by the white blanket of snow. He immediately tenses up, retrieving back behind his hiding spot. His heart thunders in his chest as he takes another peek behind the window pane. He could swear he saw Lupin smile for a second. Thinking better of it, Sirius keeps spying on the Gryffindor. Even though he’s sitting in the cold, he doesn’t seem to be affected by it while Sirius shivers, the tip of his fingers going numb after a while. Lupin just looks content, and it annoys Sirius for some reason. He abruptly gets up, brushing off the snow and starts heading in the direction in which Sirius is hiding. Seized by panic, he turns and bolts for the entrance of the greenhouse. Luckily it isn’t occupied by any students but he does bump into a pot of Mandrake which clatters on the floor, breaking into pieces and exposing the seedling to the element, making it cry and shriek. Sirius quickly transfigures his scarf into a thick pair of earmuffs. He still needs to catch himself, black spots appearing in his vision but thankfully he doesn’t pass out right on the spot. He prays to Merlin and Morgana that Lupin hasn’t heard the commotion as he peers outside but the boy is gone. Heart racing, Sirius sits down for a minute in the middle of the greenhouse. The small Mandrake root is still contorting on the floor so he grabs it, shoving it back in a pot with a bit of dirt. 

“Stupid plant.”

━━━

Monday 17th of November 1975

Remus sits down at the Gryffindor table, absolutely famished. He slept longer than he should have so he’s extremely grateful when his best friend slides a plate full of his favorites in front of him, knowing that at this hour there usually isn’t much food left. Remus thanks him and James winks at him. He starts practically shovelling food in his mouth, focusing on proteins. 

“I think you just ate the equivalent of a full pig.” Peter chuckles, sipping on his pumpkin juice. 

“Hungry.” Remus answers between two mouthfuls. 

“I can see that.” Peter says, then, lowering his voice, “So Prongs and I were talking and… What would you say to getting the hell out of this awful shack for once?”

Remus stops mid bite to stare at Peter. He swallows with difficulty, his throat suddenly very dry. Turning around to look at James sitting next to him Remus says: “Have you both lost the plot?”

“We could just run around in the forest? I’m sure Moony would love that.” James provides, enthusiastically. 

“Oh I’m sure he would, but I, Remus, would absolutely not!” he whisper-screams. “Seriously?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it would be? What if Moony catches the smell of someone else? Mauls anyone? No, no, no way.”

“Told you he wouldn’t go for it.” Peter says, extending his hand towards James, wiggling his fingers. James rummages in his pockets, dropping a couple of galleons in Peter’s palm. 

“I’m sorry, you took bets?”

“Hey, don’t blame me, I just saw an easy opportunity to make a bit of money.” Peter waggles his eyebrows with a mischievous smile. 

“Prat.” James mumbles under his breath. 

Remus really doesn’t believe it to be a good idea, but he understands the motivation behind it. His friends just don’t want to see him get hurt anymore. The full moons have gotten better since he’s been joined by the other two Marauders in their Animagi forms but Moony still gets frustrated in the small space. He wishes they’d had a guarantee, that he would be sure he wouldn’t hurt anyone during the moons. He appreciates the sentiment but he can’t take the risk.

Just as Remus goes to serve himself a cup of strong tea, the hairs on the back of his neck rise, a telltale sign that he feels he’s being watched. He lifts his gaze to see Sirius Black indeed staring at him across the Hall. The boy quickly looks away, pretending to busy himself with his plate. But too late, Remus has seen him. Actually, Remus has seen more of Sirius Black in the past ten days than ever before. Everywhere he goes, the wizard seems to be there, observing him. As discreet as he tries to be, Remus catches him every time, mostly by smell. At first, he had laughed it off, thinking that the Slytherin was just trying to catch him mid prank. But now, he’s not so sure anymore. Remus feels like he needs to be extra careful and the closer he gets to the full moon, the more paranoid he becomes.

James and Peter get up to go to class and Remus waves them off, they have Divination first period and he needs to head to Ancient Runes class. After his friends have left, Remus takes his time. There’s barely any students left in the hall as classes are about to start but Sirius Black has stayed back. Remus goes to exit the Great Hall and right away, he knows he’s being followed. He takes the stairs, heading to the third floor slowly, partly because of his sore thigh, partly because he wants to see how far Black is willing to take this. He turns into the west corridor and quickly slips into an empty classroom, leaving the door ajar. Just like he predicted, Black makes the turn a couple of seconds after Remus. At once, he opens the door, grabbing the boy by the collar and shoving him in the classroom, he has no time to react whatsoever. He slams him against the door he has just closed back.

“Why the fuck are you following me, Black?” Remus snarls. 

He expects fear in his eyes but that isn’t quite what he sees. There’s definitely surprise but underneath that… Is it curiosity?  

“I have no patience for your antics, so spit it.”

“I knew I didn’t imagine it.”

“What?”

“Your eyes.”

Remus is confused as Sirius Black smirks. It somehow makes him angrier.

“What the fuck are you on about?” he asks with as much spite as he can. Deep down though, a panic sets in. He knows what he’s talking about, of course. The moon being tomorrow, he’s got very little patience and it’s most evidently reflected in his irises. He knows his eyes just flashed gold and this close up, there’s no way he can lie and get away with it. 

Remus has his wand trained on him, he could Obliviate him but he’s never done it before and could do some serious damage to his mind. He tries to weigh his options, calculating the best way to get out of this situation without exposing himself. But then, Black says something he could never have seen coming:

“They’re beautiful. Your eyes.”

Is he fucking with me? Is his first thought. He’s so puzzled by the comment that he doesn’t respond or even moves. He’s vaguely aware of movement in front of him and flinches catching the hand that has come up to touch his face. He holds Black’s wrist mid air, he can see his fingers flexing and folding into a fist. Remus is sure he’s going to get hit but instead, the boy in front of him just lowers his hand back down.

“I’ll see you around, Lupin.”

A second later, Remus stands alone as the door closes in front of him, the wolf preens as the words resonate in his head. They’re beautiful. Your eyes.

━━━

Tuesday 18th of November 1975

After observing Lupin for the past two weeks and with yesterday’s run-in, Sirius is practically sure of his theory. He just wants to confirm it once and for all. 

As the day goes by, Sirius sees the decline in Remus Lupin. He looks sickly, a stark difference in his appetite in comparison to the days before. 

He sees him leave early during dinner and decides to follow him once more, this time from afar. He watches as the boy turns and reaches the school’s infirmary where Madame Pomfrey looks to be waiting for him. Both of them then head on out, exiting the castle walking on the grounds towards Hagrid’s cabin. Sirius watches, disillusioned and from a distance as the medi-witch and Lupin stop before the Whomping Willow. Pomfrey casts a spell, freezing the branches of the aggressive tree and they then disappear through a passage at the base of the trunk. Sirius frowns, curious but decides to bide his time.

A few minutes later, Pomfrey exits on her own and Sirius waits patiently until she makes her way back to the castle. He goes down the slope of grass leading to the tree and casts an Immobulus charm before he can get hit by a branch. He slips into the underground passage, feeling his heart thump with adrenaline. He knows that if he’s right, this is an incredibly stupid thing to do. But he can’t stop now, he’s so close and he needs to know. He walks for a while, figuring out that he’s probably made it as far as Hogsmeade. Finally, the passage goes upward and he finds himself in front of a trap door. With a quick Alohomora, he gets past it and lands inside a dishevelled house. The whole place seems to be shifting and groaning along with the late autumn wind. He’s in the Shrieking Shack. Sirius can hear footsteps above his head and against his better judgement, he goes up the stairs to investigate further. The Lumos of his wand illuminates a door in front of him, his hand hovers over the handle as he hears the steps stop. Taking a deep breath in, Sirius twists the doorknob and pushes it open. 

Remus Lupin stands there, a horrified look on his face.

“Wh━ You shouldn’t be here!” He rushes forward to close the door in Sirius’ face but is stopped in his tracks as he crumbles to the floor, groaning in pain. 

Sirius is frozen in place, looking at the boy in front of him who snaps his head back up, his irises a flashing gold.

“Get out!” he growls and Sirius sees his canine teeth elongate. 

“I knew it.” 

“Get the fuck out!” This time, it sounds more like a plea and Sirius can see the panic on the wizard’s face. He snaps back to reality, understanding what is about to happen. 

Lupin folds forward, another scream tearing itself from his lungs and Sirius finally reacts, closing the door back. He rushes down the stairs as he hears the shouting turning into howling. He’s now running at full pelt through the dirt tunnel. Coming back out of the passage from under the willow he looks around, disoriented. He heads back into the castle, rushing back to his dormitory and locks himself in the bathroom. He slumps down against the door, trying to calm down his breathing. His thoughts finally start catching up: the Whomping Willow, the passage, the Shrieking Shack,... He closes his eyes, head falling back. This was dangerous, he could have gotten killed or worse, infected. He should be scared, he should have been terrified. But he isn’t. Sirius starts to laugh. He isn’t afraid, if anything he feels invigorated, he wants to know more, see more,... He thinks of Lupin, in that house, alone and his laugh dies out. He sobers up, feeling bad for the Gryffindor, remembering the sounds he made as he transformed. But he was right. He knew he was.

Remus Lupin is a werewolf.

Chapter Text

Sunday 14th of September 1980

James has been trying to coax Regulus out of the potion lab for days now. He barely eats and spends his time either burying himself in more research on dark magic or brewing every potion under the sun.

“Just have a bite, Reg, please.” James pleads with him. He notices the way his nose twitches and his eyes quickly glance down at the plate he holds next to him. Regulus is currently sitting at the brewing station, concocting a new potion of his own creation.

“You’ll love it, I know you will.” he says, wafting the smell of the grilled cheese in Regulus’ direction. 

With a great huff, Regulus extends his hand out, beckoning the plate. 

“Uh-uh, the condition is that you have to get out of here.”

“And go where, exactly?” Regulus finally says, exasperated. 

“The sunroom.”

There’s a silent moment during which Regulus glares at him. James knows it’s supposed to be intimidating but it’s honestly endearing. 

“Fine.”

With what looks like much difficulty, Regulus tears himself away from the copper workbench but not before setting his potion under a Stasis charm reorganizing his ingredients, aligning every instrument he’s used. James has noticed he does that a lot, he hasn’t pointed it out because he sees it as a way for Regulus to have a handle on the things around him, especially while going through a difficult period where he cannot control what happens to him, those small gestures seem to bring him comfort. 

They stop by the kitchen where James grabs the other plate he’s prepared for himself and they settle at the small table in the sunroom. Regulus just stares at his lunch, suspiciously.

“What even is that?”

“That, my friend, is a grilled cheese sandwich.” James says, separating the two toasted triangles of his own sandwich, gooey cheese pulling apart. Regulus pokes at the bread then finally picks it up. Usually ever the perfect picture of stoicism, James has the pleasure of seeing Regulus’ mask falter when he takes a bite. Regulus closes his eyes, a hand coming up to his mouth as he chews. There’s a fleeting image that pops up in James' mind while looking at Regulus enjoying the taste of the cheesy toast and he can feel a blush coming on. He straightens up, clearing his throat.

“Told you you’d like it.” he says, trying to sound light and smug. 

“Mmhmm.” Regulus just nods emphatically and James realizes he’s rarely seen Regulus genuinely enjoying himself. In fact, he can count those times on one hand. The moment passes quickly when Regulus’ face slumps back into sadness, looking like he’s not allowed to take pleasure in simple things while grieving. It’s hard but James knows it’s a part of it and he’s honestly just happy that Regulus is finally eating something. They enjoy the rest of their meal in silence, James periodically glancing at the boy next to him, making sure he finishes his plate. 

Just when James is about to get up to clean up their plates, the wards alarm him of a breach. Remus had taken care of setting up some strong wards before leaving so he knows that whomever has now landed on the property has been to Potter Cottage before. A few seconds later, there’s a loud banging at the front door. James grabs his wand just to be sure and goes to check who’s there. He catches a glimpse of a nervous looking Regulus following close behind him. James raises a protective hand without thinking, tucking Regulus further behind his body. He opens the door, finding himself face to face with none other than Alastor Moody. He’s looking rough, an eyepatch on his left eye, his clothes ragged. James points his wand at the wizard in front of him. 

“What advice did you give me the first time we trained together for dueling?” he asks.

“To stop dancing around like a prima ballerina, Potter.” Moody answers gruffly.

James nods, inviting him inside. Even though they’ve established with a security question that the person before them is in fact Moody, Regulus still seems tense as he gets out from behind James. Looking at him, he can see the dark look that Regulus is giving the man. 

“I see you two are still cooped up in here while the rest of us fight.” Moody says, sitting down at the table with a displeased look on his face. James narrows his eyes at the man. He used to look up to Alastor Moody, a great Auror who in his career had caught many dark wizards. Now though, with the war raging around them, James has had the misfortune of witnessing some of Moody’s methods for dealing with Death Eaters or even suspected ones. As much as he believes the Order is good, he is not as naive as he used to be. There are no winners in war, and nothing is black or white. It is all shades of grey, and Alastor Moody is definitely on the darker spectrum. 

“We are doing our part.” James answers dryly. “It isn’t our fault we weren’t listened to and taken seriously when we told you we had a potential way to end this war.”

Moody snorts, shaking his head. “You had a half baked theory about some fairy tale. Nothing concrete.”

“Why are you here, Moody?” James asks, now irritated. He can feel Regulus shift next to him. His eyes are boring into the Auror.

“I’m assuming you’ve heard about the raid that happened a couple of days ago?” he doesn’t wait for an answer as he continues, getting to the point. “I know for a fact that little Black here was friends with at least two Death Eaters present that day. One cost me an eye,” he points with his wand at the eye patch, “and got away. I need to know where he could be hiding. He’s got some valuable information.”

For the first time since Moody has arrived, Regulus speaks up. 

“Did you even give him a chance to surrender?” he asks between clenched teeth. 

“Evan Rosier was dead the moment he got the brand of that psychotic wizard on his forearm. I was just there to make it happen.” Moody just stares back at Regulus with contempt.

“You fucking arsehole!” Regulus lashes out, James has to catch him by the waist, holding him back. Wands are all but forgotten and Regulus looks like he’s about to claw Moody’s other eye out. “You have no idea what it is like to be born in a family like we were! The only choice we ever had was to obey or die!”

“You’re looking pretty alive to me, Black.” Moody chuckles, leaning back on his chair, unperturbed. “Now, answer me. Barty Crouch Junior, where is he?”

Regulus stilts, trying to regain composure but his expression still shifts into one of disgust as he spits “And what makes you think I’d know anything about where Barty is? Clearly, I am no longer on his side. And even if I knew, I wouldn’t fucking tell you.”

This seems to anger Moody as he gets up swiftly, the chair clattering behind him. “You little shit. I should have dragged you and your Death Eater brother to Azkaban the minute you came to us for help.” he has his wand pointed in Regulus’ face. 

Something shifts inside of James' chest and the next thing he knows, he’s in Alastor Moody’s face with his own wand. Blind rage pours out of him as he erects a shielding charm, separating himself and Regulus from the man in front of them. 

“Do not speak to him that way.” he growls out, voice low and dangerous. 

James Potter is not a violent person. James Potter doesn’t have a short fuse or a difficult temper. James Potter doesn’t get mad often, which has the effect of surprising people when he does. Moody actually takes a step back and James stands tall.

“Now, you’ve heard Regulus. He has no idea where Barty might be. So you better leave. And you are no longer welcome in this house.” James says, waving his wand, effectively removing Moody’s magical signature from the wards. “Now get the fuck out.”

“Fine.” Moody answers, readjusting his shabby coat. “But this isn’t over. If I find out that you’re lying, Black, I will be back. With reinforcement.” He makes his way to the door and Disapparates with a resonating crack on the front step. 

━━━

Regulus has sequestered himself back in the potion lab of James’ father. The room brings him little solace but he still appreciates that it keeps his hands and mind busy. He brews without end in sight. While snooping around, Regulus has found some of Fleamont Potter’s journals. At first it felt like an intrusion of privacy but Regulus reasoned that seeing as the man was dead, he would not mind. The journals are filled with theories of different potions, ideas and the occasional log about his life that might have inspired him for a new draught. Regulus is currently reading a passage in which Fleamont Potter makes a reference to a young James who had been playing in the orchard and scraped his knee when he fell off a fruit tree. Fleamont had come to his rescue and kissed the pain away after applying a healing pomade on the injured knee. He had wanted to create a salve that would not only heal small grazes but would also bring comfort to children by having a small illusion of a butterfly resting on the injury to soothe and watch over them like a tiny guardian. 

Regulus couldn’t help but smile at the idea, thinking that he would have loved that as a child. He imagines a five year old version of James being cared for and loved so much by a parent that they would want to create something just to bring them comfort for something as simple as a scraped knee. It is not only a strange and foreign concept for Regulus but it fills him with so much sadness that he apparently wasn’t worthy of such attention growing up. The only other being apart from his brother who might have ever given him an ounce of care and a semblance of love growing up was their house elf, Kreacher. Sirius had never been a fan of the elf, persuaded that he was only loyal to their mother, he always treated him with disdain. But Regulus was always kind to the elf and Kreacher was kind in return. Even when Kreacher had found his━

Regulus almost falls off his stool. 

“Kreacher?” he calls.

There’s a pop and the small elf appears in front of him. He looks just as Regulus remembers him: big floppy ears with tufts of white hair, a bulbous nose and dressed in a ragged dirty tea towel.

“M━ Master Regulus?” his bloodshot eyes fill up with tears and he folds forward to Regulus’ feet, sobbing loudly. “Master Regulus is alive!” he hiccups between sobs. 

“Kreacher, you have to be quiet!” Regulus urges him as he crouches down to console his small friend. “Kreacher, please. It’s alright, I’m okay.”

“Kreacher thought you and Master Sirius were dead! Everyone thinks you are dead! Oh but Master Regulus is okay, he’s okay.” he says looking up at Regulus, his small crooked fingers coming up to pet Regulus arms, as if checking that he is in fact fine. Drying his tears, Kreacher takes a look around, confused when he asks Regulus where they are.

“Potter Cottage.” Regulus cringes as he sees Kreacher’s immediate reaction. 

“Oh no, Master Regulus, not the blood-traitors! No, no, Master needs to come home, right now. Kreacher will take care of his Master.”

“No, Kreacher, I can’t.”

Kreacher’s arms fall to his side as he looks up at Regulus, tears springing once again to his eyes. “Master Regulus isn’t coming home?”

“No, Kreacher, I’m sorry.”

“But why? Kreacher doesn’t understand.”

“I’m sorry, I cannot explain it all to you but all you need to know is that it would be dangerous for me to go back.”

Kreacher peers up at him, eyebrows creasing, creating more folds on his small face. “Is Master Regulus hiding from the Dark Lord?” he asks in a grave whisper. 

Regulus hesitates before answering but in the end, he trusts Kreacher, otherwise he wouldn’t have called him. “Yes. You cannot tell anyone that you saw me.”

“And Master Regulus is safe here, at the blood-traitor’s house?”

“Yes.”

“Very well. Then Kreacher will keep Master Regulus’ location a secret.”

“Thank you, Kreacher. I do need something else from you.”

“Anything for Master Regulus” the elf says with determination. 

“Do you remember that time when you were cleaning my room and you found a box of hidden things under the floorboards by my bed?”

“Yes! Kreacher never told his Mistress or Master, just like Master Regulus had asked.”

“I need you to bring it to me, can you do that?”

“Of course, Master.” Kreacher says proudly.

Regulus blows out a relieved breath and the elf disappears before his eyes. A couple of minutes later, he pops back into existence, a silver box clutched in his tiny fingers. He hands it to Regulus who holds it tightly to his chest. 

“Thank you so much, Kreacher. You are a good elf.” Regulus bends down, hugging the only member of the Black family to ever show him kindness besides his brother. The house-elf brings his arms up to hug him back, sniffling.

“And you are a good Master.” he says as he backs up, preparing to Disapparate again. “Master Regulus needs to promise Kreacher that whatever he is doing, he will be careful.” 

“I promise.”

Kreacher nods in acknowledgment before vanishing with a soft pop.

━━━

Thursday 20th of November 1975

The red envelope nearly crashes into Regulus’ bowl of porridge as it is dropped by a dark barn owl. Barty reaches out for it, blowing an exasperated sigh. 

“Is that a Howler?” Evan asks, covering a smile with his hand. 

“Let’s just get it over with.” Barty says as he breaks open the wax seal on the back of the envelope. 

“BARTEMIUS CROUCH JUNIOR! THE LETTER I HAVE RECEIVED FROM YOUR HEAD OF HOUSE AND THE COMPANY DESCRIBED IN IT THAT YOU SEEM INTENT ON KEEPING ARE UNACCEPTABLE! YOU WILL BE AT HOME COME YULE BREAK AND DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO GET OUT OF IT. YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOUR BEHAVIOR, YOUNG MAN. CONTINUE IN THIS MANNER AND WE WILL TRANSFER YOU TO BEAUXBATONS!” 

There’s a deadened silence in the Great Hall, all eyes on the Slytherin. The letter hisses before shredding itself into pieces, falling all over Barty’s breakfast. Regulus looks at his friend, anger visible on his features. He knows that Barty was caught a few days ago snogging his girlfriend, Cercei Greengrass, behind a tapestry after curfew. An owl was immediately sent to his father and Evan had ignored him purely out of spite for the following two days. Now sitting at the Slytherin table, Barty is fuming.

“Whatever.” He says, crossing his arm over his chest and leaning back against the table, lazily poking at his paper covered breakfast with a fork. 

For the past three years, they had been spending the holidays together, holed up in their dorms or enjoying the near empty castle. This year, it seems, their respective parents had a different idea. Regulus himself has been worrying about the upcoming Yule break. It was still a month away but he could feel and see the shift that was currently happening at number twelve, Grimmauld Place. The townhouse had always felt strange and uncomfortable, in fact Regulus had never felt at home there, unlike Hogwarts. But in the past year, he had observed as his parents had met with countless people, all pure-bloods and dark wizards. Regulus wasn’t stupid, he had been reading the Daily Prophet, heard the hushed whispers in the common room and knew that there was a war out there and that willing or not, he would get caught in it at some point. Sirius could feel it too, even though they did not talk about it. Regulus had seen a shift in him as well, as if he was preparing himself for something. He was more withdrawn and absent, sometimes physically as Regulus couldn’t find him anywhere. He knew that his brother had always had troubles making any kind of friendly connections with those around him, preferring to be alone most of the time. He knew that the other Slytherins with whom Sirius surrounded himself were just stand-ins, there to give the image of a healthy social life.

Regulus gets pulled out of his reveries by Evan who taps him on the shoulder, sympathetically. 

“I guess we’re all heading home for Yule, then?”

“I guess so.”

━━━

After what felt like a never ending day of classes, Regulus finally makes his way back from the library, his Charm essay tucked under his arm. He walks the halls and heads down to the Slytherin common room. 

“Aconite.”

The stone wall shifts and Regulus enters hurrying up to his dorm room. As he opens the door, he finds his two friends huddled up together on Evan’s bed. He falters for a second, thinking that Regulus has finally caught them in an intimate moment, but Barty gets up excitedly declaring that he’s had a fantastic idea.

“I thought we could find a way to stay in contact over the break.”

“Yes, Barty, that’s what owls are for?” Regulus asks sarcastically.

“I don’t know about you but I know for a fact that every letter that I send is being intercepted and read by my father.”

Regulus nods, looking at Evan who seems to agree with Barty as well. “What’s your idea then?”

Barty walks up to Regulus’ night stand picking something off of it and rushing back to the other two boys. He proudly opens his hand, revealing one of Regulus’ silver rings. 

“I’m sorry Barty, are you proposing?” Regulus chuckles.

Evan’s eyes bulge and Barty throws his head back, laughing.

“You know I’d make the perfect trophy husband. But no, I am not proposing. I was hoping we could duplicate your ring, so we'd each have our own?”

Regulus throws him a quizzical look but nonetheless, he pulls out his wand, casting a Geminio charm on the piece of jewelry. Barty holds up the three rings before going back to settle on his bed where a few books have been left open. 

“I thought I could try and charm the rings, turn them into means of communication. We could send each other messages through them, without anyone finding out!”

Regulus’ interest now peaked, he comes to sit on Barty’s bed next to him, as the boy starts casting a series of modified spells on all three rings. Regulus has always known his friend was intelligent but he would only use said wit when it benefited him. In fact, Bartemius Crouch Junior was often too smart for his own good.

“Voilà!” he declares after a few minutes. 

“No way you did it this fast.” Evan says, coming over to take a look at the rings. 

“Evan, love, you doubt my capacity?”

Regulus sees his friend blush at the endearing term but Barty seems again completely oblivious as he hands Evan his ring, who tries it on. 

“Here, I’ll try and send you something then you can do the same. I’ve made it possible for us to distinguish who’s sending the message, check it out.”

Barty picks up his ring and points his wand at it, his tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth as he focuses on it. A second later, Evan hisses, pulling the ring off his index finger. 

“Ow! Barty, it burns, what the fuck?!”

“Oh, just have to make a few adjustments, then. Go on, read.” he says all excited. 

Evan looks at the inside of the ring, blushing once more then looks back up at Barty who is smiling smugly. 

“How did you do it?”

“It’s a modified Protean Charm, here, I’ll show you guys how to use it.”

Barty goes on to explain the way they now will be able to talk to each other when they aren’t together and Regulus is secretly incredibly grateful to have a way to keep in touch with his friends.

Later that evening, when Evan and Regulus sneak up to the Astronomy tower to chat, Regulus asks him what Barty's first message was on his ring. 

“ I’ll miss you. ” Evan answers, a small smile tugging at his lips.

━━━

Monday 15th of september 1980

James is awakened by a loud crashing sound, followed by a series of very imaginative curse words. Alarmed that something serious has happened, he gets out of bed in a rush, wand in hand and flies down the stairs. To his biggest surprise, the scene in front of him is not one he ever thought he would witness: sprawled on the floor, a bottle of Ogden’s Finest Firewhisky in hand is Regulus Black. The wizard seems to have fallen after his feet got tangled in the rug on the living room floor. 

“What in Merlin’s arse is happening?” James asks, half confused, half concerned. 

“Seemt’vefallon”

“I beg you your finest pardon?” he asks, chuckling a bit.

Regulus tries to get up but looks extremely unsteady so James rushe to his side. 

“I said…” he hiccups, then burps. “I seem to have fallen.” he enunciates each syllable, glaring at James.

“Are you serious?”

“No, I am Regulus Arcturus Black.” he declares proudly. 

“Okay, I think we’ve had enough of this.” James goes to grab the bottle of firewhisky but Regulus clutches it protectively against his chest, pouting. “Where did you even find this? I threw all the alcohol we had left out of the house.”

“I found it.” he answers in a lofty tone. “In your dad’s things.”

“Ah.”

“Brilliant man, was your father. Brilliant.” Regulus says solemnly. 

James chuckles slightly, finally extracting the bottle out of Regulus’ grip as he seems suddenly distracted. 

“He was going to invent a butterfly for you, y’know?” he says, shoving a finger in James’ face. 

“Is that so?” James tries to get them off the floor and onto a sofa, thankfully, Regulus is drunk enough that he goes along with it. He sits him down, conjuring a glass of water and tells him to drink up. Regulus gulps the water loudly like a child, narrowing his eyes at James.

“What?”

“Arrête de me regarder comme ça.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh tu sais très bien ce que tu fais… Avec ton odeur de cannelle et de soleil… Tes fossettes…”

“Reggie, I do not speak French.”

“Well that’s too bad now, isn’t it?”

Shaking his head in amusement, James tries to grab Regulus’ feet to lay him down on the sofa but he hisses in pain.

“Sorry! Did I hurt you?”

Regulus’s eyes are wide as he pulls a silver ring off his index finger, looking at the inside rim of it. His eyes are full of unshed tears as he reaches out for James' hand whose heart flutters at the gesture.

“He’s alive. Barty is alive." He hands him the ring and inside of it, a clear message is engraved: Meet me in Green Park, 7pm two weeks from now. ━BCJ

Chapter Text

Friday 21st of June 1975

Remus is freaking out. He has been freaking out for more than a week, deliberately avoiding a certain Slytherin, which is a hard thing to do when you have four different classes in common. So far, no professors have come to get him to tell him he was expelled so Remus assumes Sirius Black hasn’t divulged his secret to his Head of House or any other adults at Hogwarts. Remus will avert his gaze during lessons, ignore his stares at mealtime and rushes through the corridors so as to not cross paths with him. Even his friends have started noticing his strange behavior.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” James asks one morning over breakfast. 

“Yeah, you’ve been all tense this entire week, Moony.” Peter adds. 

Remus just smiles, one that doesn’t reach his eyes. His friends have no idea what happened. That night, Peter and James arrived after he transformed as they’ve always agreed to, so neither of them witnessed Sirius Black finding out about his secret. Remus was nervous that they would cross paths when Sirius left but it doesn't seem like in was the case.

“I’m fine, just tired.”

Lily plops down, oblivious as to Remus’ internal struggle. She starts going on about possibly studying Transfiguration at the library that same evening. Remus just nods along, his thoughts once more drifting to the Slytherin, who seems conspicuously absent this morning at breakfast. 

“I’ll help you study, Evans.” James smirks, eyebrows wiggling.

“No, thank you.” the redhead answers, ignoring the googly eyes James makes at her. “Besides, you wouldn’t know where the library is since you’ve never stepped foot in it.”

“Maybe, but I’m the best at Transfiguration.”

Lily just glares at him before picking her books back up. “Sod off, Potter.” She says with a blush before trotting away, ginger ponytail swishing from side to side. James Potter’s academic performances have always been a touchy subject to Lily Evans, especially because he puts the minimum effort when it comes to his studying but still gets maximum results. Then again, we’re talking about a sixteen year old illegal Animagus, he’s bound to be brilliant at Transfiguration, not that she would know. Remus wonders when she will finally admit to herself that she does in fact have a thing for the Gryffindor Quidditch captain… He’s pulled out of his thoughts when a letter lands next to his toast, just missing his cup of tea. He frowns, picking it up, and turns it around to break open the seal. He pulls out the parchment, scanning the words quickly. He can feel his friends' intrigued looks as they know as much as he does that he rarely gets any mail. A great shudder travels through his body and all the hairs on his skin rise at the sudden stress. He reads it once, not understanding the words, reads it again slower, to try to make sense of it. 

“Fuck.” he swallows harshly, tears prickling at his eyes but he is unwilling to cry in the Great Hall. 

“What is it?” comes Peter’s worried question. 

“My mum.” he clears his throat of the tightness he feels. “She’s uh━ she’s sick, it seems. My dad has taken her to St Mungo’s but they can’t do anything because she’s a Muggle. And my dad doesn’t trust Muggle medicine. Sorry I━ I need to go.” he gets up abruptly before any of his friends have time to react, making his way out of the Great Hall and towards Gryffindor Tower. 

The words used in the letter his father has sent him feel clinical. Lyall Lupin was never one for sentiments but the complete and utter detachment with which he wrote Remus to announce to him that his mother is gravely ill makes him angry. Here is a man who is supposed to take care of him, supposed to love him, yet Remus hasn’t felt an ounce of that love in so many years, he has forgotten what it looks like coming from him. Not that he would want it now, mind you. This just further proves that he has no regards for his son. This letter was just a formality, if anything. Still, Remus feels the need to answer, to get more information, to ask to come home. Once in his dorm, he scribbles all of that on a piece of parchment and quickly gets back out, heading down and out to the owlery. He makes the trek through the snow from the castle to the building that houses the many birds, arms wrapped around his middle to try and keep warm with the howling wind. He hurries up the steps not paying attention when he reaches the top where he nearly falls off because of a nasty patch of ice. In his stupor, he doesn’t recognize the hands that extend to catch him, reaching out to the person who helped him steady himself. As he raises his head, his eyes connect with silver ones that look equally as shocked. Letter still clutched in his hand, he lets go of Sirius Black’s forearms, the boy doing the same immediately after. 

“Hi.”

Remus recoils. Hi? Definitely not what he had been expecting after the wizard in front of him found him in the Shrieking Shack, ready to transform. Remus doesn’t say anything and just tries to get past Black. 

“Wait━”

“Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t have time for it.”

The lofty mask Sirius Black wears slips for a second and he almost looks hurt. Remus doesn’t want to entertain what might be going on here, he has more important things to deal with, to think about. But it seems like Sirius Black has had enough of Remus avoiding him. Both feet firmly planted, arms crossed, he won’t let him pass and get inside the owlery.

“I want to talk.” He declares, decisively. 

Remus chortles, anger flaring up. “Well, I don’t want to talk and even if I did, I have nothing to say to you, snake.”

“I’m not afraid of you, you know.”

This edges Remus on, he gets in Black’s face, “Well maybe you should be.”

“I’m just curious.”

“About what exactly, huh? How did they let a monster like me in this school? How come I am not in Azkaban or locked up at the Ministry? Or even better, how I haven’t been put down? Have you told your little friends yet? Have you been having a good old laugh about the poor half-blood werewolf? What the fuck do you plan on doing now, huh? Tell me Black, I’m all ears!” He’s breathing hard, a turmoil of emotions inside of him, the stress of the past week, this morning’s letter,... He didn’t even want to talk and now, here he is, all of it spilling out. He wants to hurt, maim, and do irreparable damage. Black is just there at the wrong place and wrong time. But he doesn't move. He just keeps looking at him, determined. Remus pushes on anyway. “You don’t know the first thing about what I am.”

“I want to.” Sirius says, earnestly. 

Remus’ eyebrows crease in confusion and he feels panic in his chest. Finally done with this conversation, he shoves his way past the boy and enters the owlery. He makes a beeline for a snowy owl, attaching his letter and sending him on his way to his father. When he turns back to look at Black, he’s gone.

Still, questions swim in his head, he’s irritated and feels like he needs to stay vigilant. Why would a Slytherin want to get to know him? Especially a Slytherin from one of the richest, most prominent wizarding families, one supposedly with ties to dark wizards. And especially now that he knows Remus’ secret. Whichever way he turns it in his head, all he can think of is that Black must be gathering intel. He’s read about the supposed role of werewolves in this war, the attacks that have been increasing in the past few months. Maybe Sirius Black just wants a pet werewolf to use against those who would want to harm him? Maybe he’s just fucking with him. Maybe he’s biding his time and is planning on killing him… Whatever Black wants with him, Remus knows it isn’t good. And he won’t be a fool. If he can use this opportunity to learn about the Blacks and their potential link to any Death Eaters, he will use it. Determined, Remus sets his mind up. He will find out what Sirius Black knows or wants from him and he will use it to help end the war raging outside the walls of Hogwarts. 

━━━

Tuesday 23rd of September 1980

After regrouping for a couple of weeks, Sirius and Remus have come to a simple conclusion: They do not know enough to proceed with their next move. They’ve had their suspicions concerning the potential location of the next Horcrux on their list thanks to the loose tongue under Veritaserum of one Lucius Malfoy. But they also know that going in without a plan was way too risky the last time they’ve tried it. No, this time, they need to be prepared. Especially if the next Horcrux is indeed in Bellatrix’s possession. 

Sirius has never been a fan of his deranged cousin. Already as children, the witch was completely unhinged, clearly touched by the famous Black madness. Sirius remembers witnessing a number of times when her temper would get the better of her, Merlin forbid you would get in her way. In fact, he is pretty sure she was responsible for the death of at least three house elves in their family. This is why they need to know, with absolute certainty, that Bella is in fact hiding a Horcrux. 

After discussing it at length with Remus, Sirius has suggested going into Knockturn Alley and to try picking up some potential chatter. 

“Do you really think Bella or someone close to her would just casually mention it? ‘Oh yes, by the way, the Dark Lord has entrusted me with a piece of his soul, isn’t it wonderful?’”

Sirius snorts at the mocking high pitched voice Remus has just used. “You’ve really caught her essence, there, Moony.”

Remus shakes his head, laughing a little. Sirius has noticed that he doesn’t correct him at the use of the nickname anymore. It makes his heart swell a little. 

“But no, I do not expect anyone to be openly talking about it. But I don’t have access to what intel I had when I was on the inside, I have no idea in which state the inner circle is since I’ve left. Who’s moved up, who’s currently steering the missions, what is going on with the Dark Lord,...” He sees Remus cringe a little at the term he’s been using to talk about Tom Riddle. It’s an old habit that dies hard, unfortunately. But he understands that calling him the Dark Lord still gives him a certain mystical power, that is why he corrects himself. “Tom Riddle is advancing. He’s slithering his way into the Ministry, he’s starting to control the press and is changing people's views, making himself look less radical than he actually is. We need to stop him, and fast.”

“I know that, Sirius. But I’m not sure going to Knockturn Alley is such a good idea. What if someone recognizes you, even while glamoured?”

Sirius smirks, giving him a seductive look “I know my face is in fact unforgettable but you overestimate the spend of people’s attention in those parts of Diagon. They just want to go about their business and not be asked about it. Believe me, this is the best course of action. The only one we currently have, in fact.”

Remus finally agrees and they pack up their tent, transfiguring their clothes and themselves, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. 

They Apparate off the side of Diagon Alley. For a second, Sirius thinks they’re off by a couple of streets because he doesn’t recognize the shops around them. He’s about to ask Remus if he has botched their landing when he sees the same look of confusion on his face, quickly followed by realization.

“Oh, Sirius…”

They are at the right place. It just looks completely dead. There’s glass everywhere on the cobblestones from the busted windows, charred carcasses of shops, all the joy that used to radiate from the shopping street has been burned and suffocated. Sirius remembers the first time he went through Diagon Alley as a child, he hadn’t known that so many colours existed, always being cooped up in dark Grimmauld. Despite the sadness he feels, he knows they need to get a move on, it doesn't bode well that there isn’t a soul in sight and it would look suspicious for two wizards to just stand there staring at the damaged store fronts. He tugs on Remus' sleeve to follow him towards Knockturn Alley, they walk side by side, keeping their heads down. After a bit, Sirius points to a pub called The White Wyvern where they silently decide to set up camp. Entering the decrepit pub, the inside is barely lit up between the light filtering through the grimy windows and the sparse candles on the tables. It works to their advantage and Remus heads to the bar while Sirius goes to sit down in a booth facing the entrance. Remus comes back with two firewhiskies in equally disgusting glasses. Sirius picks it up, lifting it to his eyes to inspect the amber liquid and Remus just clinks his drink against his, downing it in one go. 

“Easy there, Moons, we want you at full capacity.” Sirius tells him, voice just above a whisper. 

“With my metabolism, this won’t make a difference, trust me.”

Sirius chuckles, remembering a certain evening of drinking from a few years back. His thoughts are quickly interrupted as he watches the door open and three shadowy figures come in, laughing a bit too loudly. One of the men goes to order drinks for the others at the bar, the two others settling a few tables down. Thanks to his Animagus form, Sirius is able to pick up on the conversation between the ones seated. He immediately recognizes the voice of one of them. Remus perks up across from him and they share a look. Luckily for them, the man excuses himself to head to the bathrooms and Sirius and Remus seize the opportunity, following him after casting Disillusionment charms on themselves.

Sirius opens the creaky door of the bathroom, the inside is as filthy as the rest of the establishment. The man stands facing the opposite wall while taking a piss in a urinal. He doesn’t even seem to notice their presence. Sirius smells the alcohol, concluding that this isn’t the first pub the men have visited. Remus pulls out his wand, checking with Sirius who nods. He clicks his tongue to get the attention of the Death Eater in front of them. Alric Mulciber turns around, swaying slightly, his eyes bulging at the sight of his previous housemate.

“B━Black?” His eyebrows are drawn together and he is momentarily distracted, so Mulciber doesn’t notice the presence of Remus. Sirius takes advantage of his inebriated state, casually stepping closer to him. 

“Hello, Alric.” he smirks, “Celebrating something?”

“We thought you were dead!”, his brain functions seem to finally catch up as he notices Remus’ wand pointed at him. “What the fuck are you doing with this half-breed?!”

Sirius reacts fast, drawing his own wand to jab it under Mulciber’s chin. The man’s sluggish reflexes are stopped as he tries to protect himself. “Tut-tut,” Sirius scolds him like a child, “now, we’re all going to have a nice little chat, Alric and you’re going to behave.”

Remus gets closer to the two other wizards and Sirius and him share another look. Sirius nods and they Disapparate . 

Mulciber stumbles backwards, falling over a rotten log on the forest ground. Sirius casts an Incarcerous on him as Remus starts getting busy, setting up their tent. 

“Whatever game you’re playing here, Black, you won’t succeed.” Mulciber spits, straining against his restraints. “People will notice my absence.”

“Yes, well, we’ll see about that now, won’t we?” Sirius answers with a cocky smile, crouching down to be eye to eye with ex-roommate. “My, my, Alric, you’ve really let yourself go in the past few months, huh? Now, tell me, how is the rest of the gang? Avery? The Carrow twins?”

Mulciber just glares at him, baring his teeth. “The Dark Lord will have your skin for this, blood-traitor.”

Before Sirius can answer, Remus pokes his head out of the now fully erected tent, letting him know that everything is set up. Sirius grabs Mulciber by the back of the collar, and drags him inside. Remus sets him in a chair in the middle of the tent and Mulciber keeps on fighting against his bindings. He searches his pockets, quickly locating the wizard’s dark blackthorn wand. 

“Snap it.” Sirius tells Remus, his eyes not leaving Mulciber’s angry form. 

“No!”

“Do it, Remus. This wand has done more harm than it should have ever been allowed. Wizards like him don’t deserve one.”

Remus snaps the piece of wood clean in half, Mulciber roaring in rage. 

“You will pay for this, I swear, half-breed.”

“Enough. We have some questions and you will provide us answers.” Sirius says, tone impatient. 

“Like hell I will.” Mulciber protests through clenched teeth. 

***

“Wrong answer.” Sirius casts a slicing spell without so much of an afterthought, cutting Mulciber’s right ear clean off who reacts immediately by screaming a string of profanities. 

Sirius has never had any affection for his fellow Slytherins with whom he roomed for seven years. In fact, over their time at school, Sirius has seen them for who they really were: spoiled, violent and entitled. Alric Mulciber was not only a prime example of this, he was probably one of the most vicious Death Eaters he’d ever had the displeasure of knowing, except maybe his cousin Bella. Sirius is aware of the irony of the situation though, the lengths at which he needs to go in order to get what they want, what they need. Violence only recognizes violence, in the end.

Mulciber's now earless right side is bleeding profusely, blood trickling down to his neck, colouring his collar a deep crimson. He’s breathing hard and if looks could kill, Sirius Black would surely be a dead man. In this moment, he is grateful that Mulciber is a lazy idiot who never learned wandless magic. 

“Are you ready to listen now?” Sirius says, cackling at the unfortunate turn of phrase. “Tell me, Alric, what has my dear cousin Bella been up to lately?”

Mulciber is terrible at hiding his emotions as a nervous look crosses his face. “Wh━What?” he sputters. 

“Oh dear,” Sirius says with a chuckle, “it seems like you couldn’t hear me properly!”

Sirius grabs Mulciber by the hair, yanking hard before he asks one more time louder and close to the only ear he has left.

“What has Bellatrix been up to lately?!”

“I━ I don’t know! What kind of question is that?!” Mulciber says between two gasps. 

“Has she been entrusted with any special missions?” Remus asks him. Sirius is surprised for a second by the sound of Remus’ voice, he had almost forgotten he was here. He’s standing a few feet away, leaning against one of the tall wooden posts of the tent, arms crossed and a dark look adoring his features.

“Fuck. You.” Mulciber says. 

Sirius clocks him hard on the jaw. Mulciber spits a bloody tooth on the wooden floor of the tent. 

“Let’s try again, shall we?” Sirius demands as he comes to face their prisoner. He grabs Mulciber by the jaw, making sure to put pressure on the already blooming bruise. “Bellatrix. You are friends with Rodolphus, so you must see a lot of that crazy bitch.”

Sirius is somewhat impressed by the tenacity (or stupidity?) of Mulciber. He just keeps on staring, huffing and puffing. But he soon enough loses his patience, kicking Mulciber hard in the shoulder with his dragonhide boot, making the chair and the man in it fall backwards. Sirius comes to straddle him, and there’s a look of utter terror on his idiotic face. He rips open the front of Mulciber’s robes, exposing the pale chest and pulls out the small pocket knife he nicked from Filch’s office. Pressing it to one of Mulciber’s pectoral muscles, Sirius begins to slowly slice away at the flesh, carving with as much care as he can, seeing as the Death Eater is thrashing under him. Sirius wipes the sweat of his brows, admiring his handy work. His hands are covered in blood, the metallic smell engulfing him.

“Voilà.” he laughs, folding the blade back and getting off the whimpering body of the Slytherin. “A little something to remember me by. Now, for the last time. Tell us.”

The bleeding man coughs, a devious smile on his face “You are as mad as she is. He will find you, and kill you, slowly. You and your werewolf boyfriend. You are done.”

Sirius’ rage floods him, he’s just about to cast another slicing spell when he sees a blur out of the corner of his eye. In an instant, Remus is standing next to him, his wand pointed at Mulciber. 

“Crucio.” His tone of voice is solemn and deep. His eyes shine gold and Sirius’ breath leaves him. He can see the wolf fighting for dominance at the surface, it being the day before the full moon. He knows Remus’ magic is more powerful than at any other moment during the month, this is probably the strongest Crucio Sirius has ever seen cast. Mulciber is writhing on the floor under the strength of the curse, screaming his throat raw. Sirius looks back at Remus. As fucked up as it is, he cannot recall a time he has ever been this attracted to the man before. Seeing Remus Lupin embrace a darker side has awakened a thirst in him, a thirst for him. Sirius licks his lips, still in awe, Mulciber’s howls filling up his ears like music. Sirius smiles, big. He knows he probably looks like a maniac, but he doesn’t care. Moony. My Moony. After what feels like an eternity, certainly for Mulciber, Remus stops, crouching down. 

“Bellatrix has been hiding something for Voldemort. Where is it?” he asks plainly as he hovers above the shivering mess that is Alric Mulciber. 

“She━ She’s been going to her vault every week or so, she never comes back with anything it seems like… I━ I once accompanied…” he gulps, the aftershock of the Cruciatus curse making his whole body shake. “...Bella and Rodolphus to Gringotts… She wouldn’t let me in the vault with them. She━ she said something about having something more precious than gold? I don’t know, she’s insane.”

“Her vault?”

“No, the Lestranges…” he says “Please, I━ I don’t know anything else, please…” he begs them.

Remus just looks down at him with an air of disgust before he casts an Obliviate and a stunner in successions. 

Sirius knows he should feel guilty that it has come to this, that Remus has had to compromise his morals and believes. But something inside of him is relieved. Relieved that he isn’t the only one ready to do what is necessary.

“Is it weird if I thank you for this?” Remus asks. 

“What’s normal anyway?” Sirius jokes a little. 

He sees Remus look down at the Death Eater. 

“I think she would have appreciated it.”

They leave Mulciber in a back street off Knockturn Alley, propped up against a brick wall. Sirius makes sure his shirt is wide open to expose the carving that reads in bold bleeding letters: RAPIST .

━━━

Saturday 23rd of November 1975

Sirius’ quiet reading is interrupted as Mulciber and his clique burst in the Slytherin common room, giggling like a bunch of teenage girls. They’ve clearly indulged at the Three Broomsticks. Sirius himself had decided to stay in during this Hogsmeade weekend, he prefers when the common room is empty and quiet except for the younger years who aren’t allowed out yet. Refocusing on his book, Sirius ends up reading the same sentence three times as he’s distracted by Alric Mulciber’s grovelling voice. 

“Really, I should have made that mudblood thank me while I still had her Impiriused !” Sirius hears a snippet of the conversation, Mulciber seems to be boasting. He rolls his eyes, figuring that he has once again bullied a Muggle born. “Honestly, she’ll never get to experience another pure-blood cock ever again anyway!”

Sirius tenses. He’s not sure he’s heard right. But what else could he have heard?

“You really fucked that Gryffindor bitch, Alric?” Amycus Carrow asks with an air of disgust. 

“Hell yeah I did, someone needed to teach her to shut her mouth. Not that she could talk much while I was taking care of her!” Mulciber greasy cackles reverberate in the common room. 

Sirius feels his stomach drop. Anger fuels him as he gets up, eyes narrowing at the sight of a boasting Mulciber who’s comfortably sitting in an armchair in front of the fire. Sirius joins his fellow Slytherins, wanting to make sure before he attempts anything. 

“Had fun in Hogsmeade, Alric?” he asks, his tone hard. 

Mulciber and the rest of them freeze, all silent, looking at Sirius. Mulciber seems to have lost a bit of the confidence he was exuding not a second ago. 

“No, go ahead, you were saying?” Sirius sits on one of the arms of the chairs, he folds his hands in his lap, still holding his book. Mulciber shifts a bit in his seat, looking at his friends, a fake awkward smile plastered on his smug face. 

“Nothing, just taught a lesson to a Gryffindor, that’s it.” he says it nonchalantly and it makes Sirius’ blood boil. Sirius was never one for bullying, except when one surely deserves it. Mulciber doesn’t have time to react as Sirius casts a quick Incarcerous , followed by a Silencing charm. Now immobilized in his chair and incapable of speaking, Sirius approaches him, leaning forward, their noses almost touching. The entire common room is silent. The younger students have all fled to their dorms, having heard of the volatile temper of the Black family and not wanting to witness it. Mulciber’s friends do not come to his rescue, they know their place. Good .

“See, it sounded to me like you were dumb enough to go shove your cock somewhere it shouldn’t have been in the first place, Alric. Are you this daft? You didn’t take a minute to think of the consequences? What do you think is going to happen when the girl wakes up and remembers what happened to her? We are supposed to keep a low profile, you cretin.” Sirius aims his wand downward between Mulciber’s legs. “So the next time you’re feeling horny, rub one out.” He purposefully lets out a couple of sparks to scare the other Slytherin off who strains against the ropes, a panicked look on his face. “ Finite ” Sirius ends with a smirk.

Mulciber gets up from the chair he was bound to not a second ago, his face red with shame and anger “You━ you act like you’re above it all, that you are better, but we both know that your name is the only reason people bow to you. One day, you’ll need someone like me to do your dirty work.”

Sirius just strolls away “You’re right about one thing, Alric. I am better than you.”

Chapter Text

Monday 29th of September 1980

“Reg, I don’t like this, really.” 

They have been arguing about this back and forth for the past two weeks. Regulus has refused to talk about it with his brother and Remus. It makes James incredibly nervous.

“I don’t care whether you like it or not, Potter, he is my friend, I am not abandoning him.” Regulus is stuffing a bag with a couple of necessities. “Not again.” he adds with emphasis.

“Oh so that’s it, we’re back to Potter?” James asks and Regulus rolls his eyes dramatically, “You don’t even know if it really is him! For all you know it’s a trap, someone has found the ring and is just pretending to be Barty! Regulus, please, just stay here, with me, where you’re safe.”

Regulus stops, turning around. His features soften for a second before he speaks. “James, I need to do this. What if it was Remus?”

James hates that the Slytherin is using his relationship with his best friend against him. But he sees the point he is trying to make. If anything were to happen to Remus, James would be lost. He had already lost so many people to this fucking war. He understands the feeling that Regulus is trying to convey, it doesn’t mean he has to like it. Determined, James makes a decision.

“Very well. Then I’m coming.”

“Oh no, absolutely not!”

“It's decided. If you think I’m letting you go out there, on your own, you do not know me very well.” James realizes that Regulus doesn’t,, in fact know him very well but hopefully enough to know that it isn’t in his nature for James to abandon any of his friends. Friend. Is Regulus his friend? 

“James, it’s dangerous.”

“Even more the reason, then.”

“We have no way of knowing how Barty might react when he sees me with you!”

“Then I’ll hide!”

Regulus huffs a great sigh and in that moment James knows he’s won the argument. His chest flutters at the realization. He somehow keeps finding it exhilarating to argue with Regulus. He grins, grabbing the bag that Regulus is holding. 

“We’ll need a couple of potions as well, just some basics. I’ll put a medi kit together.”

━━━

Later that evening, they Apparate to Muggle London. Regulus has never really adventured himself in the Muggle populated areas of the city, he always Flooed everywhere he went, avoiding the masses. It has been drilled in his head that the non-magical population of England is filthy and dangerous. When they land in a small hidden street not far from the park (by James’ calculations), Regulus is directly seized by panic. They start walking and he sidesteps every human in sight. There are so many people, Regulus feels like he’s being swallowed by them. Instinctively, he gets closer to James. A man passes them, knocking shoulders with Regulus and he recoils, grabbing James’ hand. Realizing his error, Regulus tries to let loose but James just pulls him closer. 

“You’re okay.” It isn’t a question but a statement made to reassure him. Regulus looks up, and James smiles at him softly, an arm now protectively around his frame to shield him from any other pedestrians. 

They continue on, turning into a less crowded street, the park in view at the end of a crossroad. Regulus reluctantly pulls away from James, missing the warmth of him the second he does so. Once they get into the park, he finally relaxes, the vegetation hides the city and it makes him feel calmer. They walk now side by side on a pathway with trees on either side of them. There are fewer people and they all seem to be in less of a hurry.

“What do we do?” James asks. 

Regulus looks around them for any hint of where they should go. He buries his hand in the inside of his coat, pulling out a pocket watch, checking the time. “Maybe we’re too early?”

James doesn’t get time to answer as a man comes up right behind them, linking arms with both of them. 

“Nope, just on time.”

Regulus looks at the face of his friend and wants to cry. He is so relieved to see him but before he can tell him so, Barty Crouch Junior turns to look at him and Regulus sucks in a breath. 

“Hi, Reggie.”

Barty’s once beautiful features now sport an angry slash, crossing from the top of his forehead down to his jaw, his left eye a milky colour. Clocking Regulus’ reaction, Barty smiles wickedly. 

“Oh, this? Just an eye for an eye.” he says casually. 

“Uh, Regulus?” James interrupts. Regulus looks past Barty to glance at James who seems properly panicked. He realizes that Barty has his wand jammed in James’ ribs. Regulus smiles back at his friend. 

“Barty, he’s with me, nothing to worry about.”

“It isn’t worry, darling, just a precaution. Shall we?”

Barty pulls them forward, walking faster and out of the park, his wand still trained on an uncomfortable James. Regulus is paying less attention to the streets and the population walking about. He only has eyes for Barty. He seems okay, if only a bit pale but otherwise well fed and doesn’t look sick. Regulus does notice the spark of mischief has left his beautiful green eyes, now appearing more dull than he’s ever seen them. They abruptly stop in front of an inconspicuous looking building, stepping inside after a quick unlocking charm cast wandlessly by Barty. He shoves James inside, extending his wand arm in front of him, beckoning for Regulus to come in. 

“This is really unnecessary, Regulus, can you please tell him it’s unnecessary?” James says in a panicked voice.

“Barty, it’s fine, really.”

But Barty doesn’t budge, he directs James forward up the first flight of stairs and through another door, this one opening up to an apartment. The place is dusty and smells a bit rank, there’s some background noise coming from another room not far. 

“Where the fuck are we?” James asks, sounding anxious as he comes to stand next to Regulus.

“I don’t know, be quiet.” Regulus instructs him. 

Barty gestures to a brown sofa and they go to sit while he disappears in what must be the kitchen. He already looks more relaxed than when they were walking in the street and Regulus realizes that Barty has casted some wards on the whole place. There’s some tinkering sounds in the kitchen and a few minutes later, Barty comes out with a tray of tea, a wild smile on his face. 

“Here we go! Reggie, two sugars?”

James stares at Regulus with big eyes in a way that must surely mean “has he lost the plot?!”. Regulus clears his throat, acquiescing and Barty grabs the teapot with trembling hands. 

“Barty, are we alone?”

“Oh, no. Only Agnes, though. Lovely lady, Agnes.”

“Agnes?” Regulus glances around the apartment. There are stacks of Muggle magazines around the whole living room, some balls of yarn and needles, old unmoving photographs. 

“Yes, lovely Agnes. She let me in. A few days ago another lady came by but I told her I’d take care of Agnes from now on. I put up some wards to make sure she wouldn’t come back.”

“Have you been here this whole time, Barty?”

Barty doesn’t answer right away, teapot hovering over a chipped cup. His eyes are glassy, full of unshed tears. “Since… Yes.”

Regulus reaches a hand out, setting it on Barty’s forearm to lower the teapot. He pulls him onto the couch, James scooting on his other side to make some space for Regulus’ friend. 

“Barty, I need you to tell me what happened.”

“No. No, no, no, no. Not allowed, no. Can’t tell you, won’t tell you. You are dead anyway. You’re not here! Just like him, he’s not here, not possible. No.”

“Barty, I’m here.” Regulus takes his hand, squeezing it, letting him feel that he isn’t alone anymore. Barty’s eyes finally snap up to look at him. 

“Reggie?” he says, his voice breaking, the tears finally spilling. 

Barty folds forward, hugging Regulus’ middle, resting his head on his lap and he cries. Regulus holds him, a few tears escaping his own eyes. James is silent next to them, respecting the moment that both friends need and Regulus is so grateful to him. After a couple of minutes, Barty retrieves back to his side of the sofa, wiping at the tear tracks on his cheeks, sniffling. 

“I━ We had a mission.”

“Yes, East Sussex?”

“East Sussex.” he repeats, a far away look in his eyes. He shakes his head, as if to rearrange his thoughts. “We were on a mission, we were searching a house. Yes, searching. Searching for something…” he trails off.

“What were you looking for, Barty?”

“I can’t remember. My head, it got a bit…” he makes a clicky sound with his tongue. “But he asked us to look for something in that house. It was important.” Barty puts an emphasis on the “he” and Regulus understands he must be referencing the Dark Lord. “I don’t understand what happened, Reggie. They must have been spying on the house, all of the sudden they were everywhere.” he swallows, as if the next words are burning him trying to come out. “We were upstairs, we tried to Disapparate but they must have warded the area ‘cause we couldn’t. I━ I tried to get us out, Reggie, I really did but…” his eyebrows crease, trying to understand himself what he is saying “He was so angry since you had disappeared. We were sure you had been killed, that they had killed you.” Barty glances at James. “He wanted to fight, he wanted to get revenge, for you.”

Regulus breathes in, trying to swallow a sob threatening to spill over. Evan. You stupid stupid boy.

“Moody got to us. He did, he did, Reggie.” Barty is talking faster, hands coming up to pull at the roots of his hair. “He was nasty. Nasty, nasty Auror. Nasty curses.” His bottom lip starts to tremble, “He got him, Reggie. He got him.”. His tongue darts out, licking his lips, his eyes and tone hardening. “But I got him back, Reggie. An eye for an eye. An eye for a beautiful eye, Reggie.”

There’s a beat of silence during which Regulus lunges himself at Barty, hugging him fiercely. Barty starts crying again and it tears Regulus apart. 

“Evan. My Evan. My beautiful Evan.” Barty sobs quietly.

They stay like this for a while until James clears his throat softly behind him, a hand coming to his shoulder. James gets closer to him, whispering in his ear: “Could I talk to you, in private?”

Regulus murmurs words of reassurance, letting go of an exhausted looking Barty who curls up on the couch, sipping on his cup of tea. They slip out of the living room, coming to stand in the kitchenette.

“Reg, I am so sorry.” James tells him earnestly, “But this still feels like a dangerous volatile situation. Am I right to assume from what we’ve heard that he has sequestered himself with a Muggle?”

“That seems to be the case.” Regulus answers calmly, looking back behind James’ shoulder at Barty who hasn’t moved from his seat.

“Okay, so what is the plan here exactly?”

“I don’t know! I’m kind of making it up as I go!” he sighs exasperated. How is he supposed to know what to do in this situation? Barty has lost the love of his life, he has apparently been hit by a curse strong enough to mess with his mind and disfigure him permanently. All Regulus wants to do is help his friend, save him, protect him. But he doesn’t know how. “Is there any way we could bring him back to the cottage with us?”

“No, Moody probably has eyes on the place, we can’t risk it.”

“I think we should stay, at least for tonight, figure it all out in the morning.”

James looks unconvinced but doesn’t add anything to the conversation. In the end he nods in agreement. Regulus settles back down with Barty, feeling somehow less awkward than he thought he might have while consoling his broken hearted friend. James ends up whipping them some food, Merlin knows how but Regulus is grateful for it. Barty falls asleep shortly after they eat and Regulus covers his frail looking frame with a knitted quilt. He sits back down next to James, feeling exhausted himself. 

“Thank you.” he tells him, his eyes starting to get heavy with sleep.

“What for?” James turns his head, regarding him with curiosity. 

“Just… being here, I guess. Coming with me.”

“Oh. Okay. I mean, it’s fine, it’s━ I’m glad I could come with you.”

Regulus smiles softly as lets sleep take him. Somehow during the night, the two men shift closer to each other. And for the first time since Evan’s death, Regulus sleeps deeply and without nightmares.

━━━

Wednesday 10th of December 1975

She’s doing that clicky thing with her nails that drive him insane. He’s gritting his teeth but everything in his body is telling him to move. She turns the page of her Witch Weekly, sighing as if she’s carrying the weight of the whole world on her shoulders. He knows she’s trying to get his attention. He doesn’t care. He’s focused on the game, he knows he’s almost got Evan. He can see his next three moves. She shuts the magazine and straightens up.

“I’m bored.” Cercei drawls. 

Barty closes his eyes and breathes in, trying to stay calm.

“Well maybe you should go see what Giulietta is doing?” he says, eyes not leaving the board. 

“Pff… She’s studying at the library, I already told you. It's like you don’t listen to me.” she snaps.

Evan’s eyes scan the board as he holds a chess piece between his slender fingers, there’s an amused smirk on his lips. Barty is annoyed, losing his patience and his friend knows it. 

“I don’t know what you want me to do here, Cercei? Why don’t you go study with her then?” he retorts. He really doesn’t care what the witch does, as long as she gets away from him. Once more, he’s reminded of the fact that he really needs to dump her. She’s becoming more of a hindrance these days than a source of pleasure, honestly.

“Your turn.” Evan says.

“I know.” Barty bites back as he moves a pawn.

“I want to do something else, Barty! Why don’t we go up to your dorm?” she says, snaking an arm around his waist, snuggling closer to him on the leather sofa. Evan shakes his head, finally moving his piece and Barty feels an immediate need to throw her off of him.

“Cercei, why don’t you fuck off, yeah?”

His girlfriend recoils, her eyes already filling up with tears. “You are such an ass, Bartemius Crouch.” she screeches, getting up and flinging a decorative pillow at his face. He can’t say that he isn’t too pleased to see her rush out of the common room.

There’s a tense silence and Barty makes his move, taking Evan’s knight.

“That wasn’t very nice.” Evan says lightly, still not looking at him. But Barty wants him to look up. Fucking look at me already. Evan has been avoiding his gaze ever since Barty made the rings. The only reason Barty had made them in the first place was to be able to speak to him during the holidays. But he cannot tell him that. 

“Yeah? Well you looked like you enjoyed the show from where you’re sitting, Rosier.”

“I mean, it’s always entertaining when you two argue, I’m not going to lie.” Evan smirks.

Barty is irritated, he can feel the pressure building up. He doesn’t want to go home, he doesn’t want Cercei fucking Greegrass hanging off of him anymore, he just wants to be left alone. So he does what he does best. He pushes people away, he lashes out. “Are you sure you’re not just jealous?”

Wrong thing to say. He knows it the instant the words leave his mouth. But Evan looks at him. His eyes are blazing with anger. Finally , Barty thinks, you’re finally looking at me . Evan gets up, muttering a “fuck you” under his breath.

Shit . Barty rests his elbows on his knees, his leg jumping up and down with nervous energy. He looks behind him, then back at the game. He almost had him beat also, the first time in years. Barty gets up, marching down the spiral stairs to their dorm room. He pushes the door open and finds Evan sitting on his bed. Barty hesitates for a second, it almost looks like Evan was crying. But he pushes on, looking for a reaction, any reaction. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” he says to Evan.

“Me? What the fuck is your problem, Barty?!” Evan answers, offended. “Half of the time you’re acting like you don’t want to be near the witch and the other half you’re snogging her senseless to the point where she looks like she can’t breathe anymore! Make up your mind!”

“Why the fuck do you care?!”

“I don’t!”

Evan is standing in front of him now, breathing hard. Barty’s whole body is tingling, the adrenaline, the shouting, he secretly loves it. If he’s being honest, he lives for it. At home, everything is always so quiet. His mother barely speaks, his father is always gone. It’s so damn quiet. Here though, he can scream, he can be loud.

“Yes you do!” he shouts, shoving Evan.

Evan stumbles a bit and Barty notices he’s gripping his wand hard, his knuckles turning white. He smiles and it looks like it makes Evan even angrier. He pushes, more.

“Whatcha gonna do, Rosier? You’re going to hex me? Go ahead. Do it.” he taunts. He can’t stand this inbetween, this feeling of something. There, but not quite. He doesn’t understand it. Or maybe he does but he won’t say it aloud. He wants to get under his skin.

Evan doesn’t hex him. In one, two, strides, he grabs Barty by the collar of his shirt, fisting the fabric tightly. He pushes him against the door of the bathroom and his lips collide with Barty’s. The kiss is harsh, bruising, filled with anger and resentment. Barty inhales sharply, one hand grabbing Evan’s hair on the back of head, the other on his hips to bring him closer. Evan moans at the gesture and Barty swallows it, biting down on his lower lip. Evan detaches himself from Barty’s mouth, trailing rough kisses and nipping at the skin of his neck. Barty’s breathing is erratic and Evan presses himself against his thigh, looking for friction. Barty feels all of Evan and he pushes him back to get some space between the two of them. Both of them are panting, trying to regain some semblance of clarity. Barty swipes at his mouth with the back of his hand. He can see it in Evan’s eyes that he is hesitating, teetering on the edge between panic and bliss, wondering if Barty thought it was a mistake. He wants to see him squirm a little if he’s honest, just for the fun of it.

“That was stupid.” he says to Evan, who’s face crumbles, a blush still painting his cheeks. He waits a couple of seconds, then adds, “Are we going to do it again?” he smiles deviously and Evan smiles back, crowding him once more.

Barty’s chest feels full as his hands roam over Evan’s neck, shoulders and chest. He sighs, laughing between two kisses. Finally .

━━━

Tuesday 30th of September 1980

There’s some light filtering through the curtains. James opens an eye, watching the swirls of dust dancing in the sunlight. He takes him a beat to remember where he is and as he tries to shift, he feels a weight against his left side. Right there, his head resting against his shoulder and with a hand wrapped around his bicep is Regulus Black. James looks down, Regulus is breathing softly, still asleep. He can see his long lashes and the small crease between his eyebrows as if he’s focusing on a complicated Arithmancy equation. James is seized by an urge to smooth it out, but he stops himself. He hears some noise and looks around, spotting a very awake Barty Crouch Junior, staring at him from the entrance of the kitchen.

“Morning.” he whispers, smirking in his cup. “You’re looking mighty comfortable there, Potter.”

James extricates himself from the sofa, lowering Regulus’ head softly on a pillow trying not to wake him. He enters the kitchen, passing Barty and goes to serve himself a cup of coffee only to be met with another sodding machine he can’t make work. He sighs but then turns around, eyeing the Slytherin with concern. 

“How are you doing?” he asks him. 

“Do you really want to know?” Barty counters.

“Yes.” James retorts with a quizzical look.

“Better. Worse. Both? Happy to see Reggie.” He takes a sip and strolls up to the coffee machine to brew some more. “When did this happen?” Barty gestures with a finger between James and Regulus’ still sleeping form on the sofa.

“What? Nothing is happening. Uh, no━ What do you mean?”

“Huh-huh.” Barty smirks, clearly unconvinced. 

James sighs, the percolating noise of the coffee machine fills up the silence that stretches between them. 

“Sirius and him showed up a few months ago on our doorstep.” He says finally. Remus and I have been helping out with a… project. And we’ve kept them hidden. I can’t really go into details but they’re safe, don’t worry.”

“Good.” is all that Barty answers and James nods. 

There’s a sound back in the living room and an instant later, Regulus’ head peeks out from the door frame. 

“Is that coffee I smell?” He asks, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and smiling softly at the sight of his friend. “Good morning.” he says to them both, greedily accepting the mug of coffee presented to him by James. 

After settling back in the living room, Barty and Regulus on the sofa and James across them into a big stuffed chair, all three men are quiet. James can feel the weight of their shared grief hanging about the room, the way Regulus observes Barty carefully as if he will break again any second. 

“Barty… You know you can’t stay here?” Regulus says eventually. 

Barty looks at him with sad eyes. “But━ Someone needs to take care of Agnes.”

“Someone needs to take care of you. And unfortunately, that someone can’t be me. I thought about it and I had an idea, if you agree to it.”

Barty nods, shifting in place.

“I want to contact Pandora. I want you to leave Britain, go with her.” Before his friend can protest, Regulus holds a hand up. “Barty, I know we promised we would never involve her in this, believe me, but I do not see any other options. There’s no one else I’d trust with your life. Do you?”

Barty makes a hurt sound from the back of his throat, looking down into his now cold cup of coffee. After some long seconds, he finally relents, agreeing with Regulus. 

“Good. I have no idea where she is, though, since that was the whole point. And unlike with you, I have no way of contacting her.” he says, sagging a bit, realizing the issue. 

James looks at them both in confusion. “You could always send her a Patronus …?”

Barty and Regulus turn to look at him. “I don’t know about Barty but I’ve never been able to cast a full corporeal Patronus .” Regulus says, a hint of jealousy in his tone, Barty shaking his head no.

“I could send one for you otherwise? It would need to have a precise message though, something she’ll know comes from you and you only.”

Regulus looks like he’s pondering the idea, probably trying to form a message in his head that would make sense to Pandora. 

“Okay.”

James smiles at him, focusing for a few moments on his favorite and most precious memory. A part of him is scared, seeing as he hasn’t cast a Patronus in a long while. But as he grips his wand tightly and utters the incantation, he can feel the surge of magic going through him. Opening his eyes, he is greeted with the familiar stag, standing tall in the middle of the cramped living room. He turns his attention back to Regulus to ask about what message he should send but he finds him utterly captivated by the silver stag. Regulus stares at the noble animal in awe, a hand coming up to stroke its head, the stag lowering its head as if saluting the wizard in front of him. A small laugh comes bubbling out of Regulus’ throat when the stag huffs and wisps of light come out its nostrils.

“It’s beautiful.” he says simply. 

Surprised by the compliment, James blushes slightly. He clears his throat before asking Regulus the message. Once repeated to the stag, the Patronus saunters off through the window into the morning light.

“How long before we know if it worked?” Barty asks, a bit worried. 

“Depends… But we’ll know the message was delivered if the stag doesn’t come back.”

“I just hope she’s okay.” Regulus adds.

━━━

The day passes slowly but they do not lose hope. Regulus knows Pandora will come through for them. He keeps playing the conversation with Barty in his head, trying to make sense of it. Regulus feels like they are missing something, why otherwise would Moody be looking for Barty? There has to be something he can do, he must find out what information is buried in his friend’s head. 

“Barty?”

He is sitting in a chair across the old Muggle in her bedroom. He is feeding her a bowl of porridge while she watches what Regulus believes is called a television. She barely acknowledges their presence, only opening her mouth when Barty presents her with a full spoon. She looks like one of the patients you might see in the Janus Thickey Ward at St Mungo’s. Barty doesn’t react, he just keeps on feeding her spoon after spoon, making sure nothing spills over. It makes Regulus’ chest hurt, to see Barty so caring, knowing that he probably wishes he could care for his lover instead of this stranger. 

“Barty, with your permission of course, I’d like to go through your memories of the mission.” He says, not sugar-coating it, knowing that he owes him at least that.

“Okay.” He answers. Regulus hadn’t expected him to agree so easily to it but then, Barty adds: “Can you lock it away? The memory, I mean. I don’t want to remember, Reggie.”

Regulus nods in understanding, and Barty scoops the last of the porridge, the spoon hovering in front of the old lady’s mouth. 

“Here, Agnes. Last spoon. That’s it, good girl. I’ll be back in a bit, yeah. Just watch your program, love.” Barty says with a soft voice, a hand coming to stoke her hair.

They get back to the sofa, James is thankfully giving them space but still observing the scene as he sits across from them.

“I’ll try and be as gentle as I can, okay? But don’t resist, just let it flow.”

Barty takes a deep breath and Regulus extends both hands, facing the wizard who takes them eagerly as if they are an anchor. Regulus looks straight into his eyes before muttering a soft “ Legilimens .”

He is assaulted by a random array of images and sounds. No wonder Barty has had trouble expressing himself, his mind is absolute chaos. Regulus breathes, and starts to try making sense of what are the memories at the forefront of Barty’s mind. He catches a glimpse of a memory from Hogwarts, of all of them in the common room, Evan’s laughter resonating in the corner of his head. Regulus searches further, gripping the metaphorical thread of Barty’s memories of Evan, following it further and further into the depth of his psyche. He hears echoes of a distorted voice he thinks might be Barty’s. 

“Fucking Wilkes, who does he think he is?”

He pulls forward, hanging on to the sound of Barty’s voice and finally lands on what he thinks might be the right memory.

“Barty, it’s fine. We’re bottom of the pile, of course we have to prove ourselves.”

“I don’t give a shit. I don’t need to prove anything to that arsehole.”

Evan chuckles as he unlocks the front door of a small brick house. They step inside, carefully, wands aloft, the soft glow of their Lumos illuminating their surroundings. Evan casts a Homenum Revelio but the whole place seems completely empty. 

“Should we go take a look upstairs?” Evan asks.

“I guess so, otherwise we’ll be accused of not being fucking thorough.” Barty whispers in a mock tone. 

They creep up the stairs, quickly looking around the rooms, opening drawers and dressers. Regulus concludes they are looking for something rather than someone. Barty is throwing clothes about the room while Evan looks under the bed. 

“You could be a bit more careful.” he chastises Barty.

“Who gives a shite?”

“You and that mouth of yours, it’ll get you in trouble someday.”

“That’s not what you were saying last night, love.” Barty wiggles his eyebrows at an obviously blushing Evan. Regulus groans a bit out of embarrassment, hoping that this is the only allusion to his friend's sex life he’ll be privy to.

Evan huffs, looking about the place again. “There has to be an easier way to do this.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right! Accio cloak !”

“Barty, no!”

About a dozen cloaks come flying through the door, all landing on top of Barty who finds himself buried under the lot of them. 

“You absolute ponce!” Evan laughs, digging through the layers of fabrics to find his boyfriend. He grabs Barty by the forearm, pulling him up in a swift movement. 

“Well, at least we know this is the wrong house. Or do any of those look like an Invisibility cloak to you?”

“No. Let’s go then.” Evan says, lacing his fingers with his, preparing to Apparate . But nothing happens. “What the fuck?” he says, looking at Barty who in turn tries but to no avail. 

A look of panic crosses Evan’ face as the clear sound of boots can be heard running up the stairs. Barty reacts quickly, locking the door with a charm just as they catch sight of two Aurors. Barty starts cursing under his breath, looking around for an escape route but Evan is rooted on the spot, teeth bared, magic just exuding out of him in dark waves. Regulus knows that if this hadn’t been a memory, he would have been able to feel it around him. 

“Fucking bastards!” Evan screams as the door shudders with great force, the Aurors on the other side trying to get through. 

“Evan, we have to go, come on!” Barty tries to pull him towards the window.

“No, they killed Reggie!”

“Evan, come on!”

The door finally bursts off its hinges, a cloud of smoke enveloping them. As soon as the dust clears, curses start flying. Barty dodges what he can, coming to stand next to Evan who gives it as good as he gets. Regulus spots Moody who is casting spells in rapid fires at Evan. Barty tries to erect a shield as another Auror flings a curse at him but he gets thrown off several feet, hitting a wall and slumping down. He can see blood trickling down his face, his now only good eye open. Evan shouts after Barty and as his attention gets diverted, Moody sees his opening. He sends a nasty curse at Evan who immediately crumbles on the floor, eyes wide. A scream gets torn out of Barty’s throat and he curses Moody right back, hitting him straight in the eye. The Auror grips his face, howling in pain which gives just enough time for Barty to jump out of the window but not before he is hit by another hex just as he Apparates mid-air.

Regulus has seen enough. He pulls the thread of the memory and buries it deeper within, locking it away. With a great gasp, he exits Barty’s mind and collapses backwards on the sofa. He tries to get his breath back as his body shakes with sobs. He feels a hand coming to his forehead, brushing the sweat soaked fringe out of his eyes, he looks up to see James, his other hand coming to rest of his chest, showing him how to take measured breaths. Regulus gets lost in James’ eyes, the care in them surprising him. He finally gets his wits back and sits up. 

“Barty?”

Barty is still sitting in front of him, though his jagged scar looks pink and raw━ a reminder of the curse thrown at him by the Auror, there is a soft smile on his features. “Thank you, Reggie.” 

Regulus reaches out to him, squeezing his hand in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. 

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“I guess so… But it doesn’t make a lot of sense, what would the Dark Lord want with a simple invisibility cloak? And why go looking for it in East Sussex?”

“Did you happen to see who’s house Barty and Evan were searching?” James asks, curious. 

Regulus thinks for a moment, trying to remember if anything stood out to him. “I didn’t see a name anywhere… But there was this sort of sigil on the front door. I took Ancient Runes at Hogwarts but I couldn’t recognize it." He gestures for a piece of parchment and something to write, James hands him a Muggle magazine and a strange stick. 

“It’s a pen. Like a self-inking quill.” James tells him. 

Regulus starts drawing the sign out of memory and hands it to James. 

“Do you know what it is?”

“It looks familiar… But I can’t quite place it━”

Just as James was about to hand the piece of parchment back to Regulus, a silver dove burst through the window, landing between them, a soft voice emanating from it. 

“Regulus. Meet me tomorrow beneath the Selkie Bridge, at four o’clock. Be safe.”

After delivering its message, the soft dove comes to rest on Regulus’ knees, snuggling in the palm of its hand before disappearing with a soft glow.

Chapter Text

Wednesday 17th of December 1975

Remus comes to sit next to Lily and immediately feels like he’s interrupting something between the three witches.

“Everything okay?" He asks, frowning. Lily’s emerald eyes snap up to his, a clear look of guilt in them. He’s always been able to read her quite easily and her, him. He supposes that’s what best friends are for. Lily was his first ever friend and had never judged him for anything. Even when she had found out his secret in first year, she kept it to herself until he was ready to share it with her. 

“Uhm. Fine.” she says, looking down at Mary who’s sitting on the rug in front of the fire. Next to her, Marlene is also glancing at their friend, biting her thumbnail nervously. “I mean with me, yes. Just haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

“Are you already stressing out about your O.W.L.S.? Lily, you know you’ll do fine. Probably better than fine. Actually, you’ll do brilliant, I’m sure.” Remus tells her with a smile. 

“No, it’s…” she briefly looks over in Mary’s direction again.

“What’s going on? You guys are acting shifty.” he shuts his book, resting it on his lap, turning a bit to look at each of his friends. 

“Mary, maybe you should… I don’t know, tell him? Or an adult?” Marlene says in a soft voice, almost a whisper.

“Have you guys gotten into a row? It happens, Merlin knows it happened a few times to us, cramming three teenagers in one dorm room for a full year, it’s only natural that it creates some tensions.” he says chuckling as he remembers a particular fight with James about his borrowing and improper use of socks.

“It’s not that.” Lily says as Mary nods at her. “Mary hasn’t been feeling herself those past couple of weeks.” Lily seems worried, taking her friend’s hand who smiles at her softly, a hint of sadness in her eyes. 

“Mary? Can I do anything?” He asks, now worried at the demeanor of his friends. This feels serious.

“I━ I don’t know.” she answers him, tears welling in her eyes.

“Just try and tell me what happened?”

“I’ve been━ having some nightmares.” she swallows, looking down at her hands as she smoothes her skirt. “It’s always the same, sort of. But they feel different then the usual nightmares I’ve had before. They’re━ clearer? But also not? It doesn’t make any sense, I know.” She says, berating herself.

“No, I━ I understand. I’ve had those before.” he tells her. Flashes of his four year old self, a monster, the wind making the curtains float about the room. Remus is very familiar with those. Repressed memories that turned into nightmares.

She looks up at him, taking a deep breath. 

“It starts with us girls being at the Three Broomsticks.” she closes her eyes, focusing. “I go to the bathroom. When I exit the stall there’s someone there, a boy. I can’t see his face, or it’s more like he doesn’t have one to begin with? Like it’s all blurred out.” Her lower lip starts to tremble and Remus sees tears starting to roll down her cheeks. “He━ he grabs me. I push him. I━ Something happens. I feel like I’m being plunged in water. Everything feels sluggish?” she tries to stop a sob from escaping, looking around as if to check that no one is listening in. She’s scared , Remus thinks.

“It’s okay, Mary.” Marlene says, a hand coming up to rub at her back in comfort.

“I can’t control anything anymore. He makes me━ do things.” She continues, anger now mixed in with her sadness. “I can’t fight back.” She wipes at her tears aggressively. “He’s laughing. After he’s done he tells me to forget. Then he leaves.”

Remus sits there, a feeling of emptiness,  Mary’s words reverberating in his head. He’s never felt this utterly powerless. He looks at his friend, as understanding washes over him. This isn’t a dream, it’s a memory, just like his nightmares. “Mary, do you remember anything about him?” he asks in a controlled voice.

She chokes on a sob but holds her head high as if in defiance. “He called me a Mudblood.” she says bitterly.

The word sends a shock through Remus’ body. Rage fills him and he has to bite the inside of his cheek to not react too strongly. He breathes in deeply and gets up, his friends staring at him with quizzical looks on their faces. “I’ll be right back.” He clips then goes up to his dorm where he grabs the map from under his bed. He scans the parchment quickly, satisfied when he spots the name he’s been looking for. Remus hurries back down and out of the common room, not giving time to his friends to question where he is heading to.

He takes long strides, practically running even though his body hurts from the approaching full moon. Inside his head, he hears the echoes of Moony’s snarl. He takes a turn, spotting Sirius Black under an arch that opens onto a small courtyard. The sun is almost setting, making his shadow long and foreboding. But Remus doesn’t hesitate. He grabs onto him by the collar of his robes and drags him off the ledge he’s sitting on and smashing him against the stone wall. He has caught him by surprise, a book falling out of his hands smacking on the ground open.

“Who hurt her?!”

“Wh━ What?” He sputters, a frightened look on his face, the first one Remus has ever seen him sport. Good , he thinks.

“Who hurt Mary?!”

“I━ What are you talking about?” Black says, trying to extricate himself from Remus’ grip. But it only angers him further as he slams him back. 

“My friend Mary! A Slytherin hurt her during a Hogsmeade weekend! Who did it?!”

Slowly, Sirius Black’s guarded expression falls, realization finally dawning on him. “I’m sorry, Remus. If I had known what he would do, I would have stopped him.” He tells him, his eyes pleading.

Remus is taken aback by the Slytherin using his given name but he quickly recovers, growling, “Who the fuck?” he says in a calmer tone but still seething. 

Black breathes out, his eyes closing in acceptance. “Mulciber.” He says solemnly.

Remus lets go, looking down at the wizard in front of him. He seems to be telling the truth, and even looks disappointed in his supposed friend. Remus frowns at him, surprised “Thank you.”. Black nods at him before Remus takes off running once again.

━━━

Alric Mulciber was found unconscious in a corridor that same evening. He had sustained multiple injuries, including a broken jaw, two bruised ribs and a concussion. Sirius had gone to the infirmary, feigning concern for his roommate but he had in fact wanted to make sure that Mulciber remembered nothing from his attacker. Thankfully, he didn’t. Logically, Sirius knew he should tell a professor. But then again, Alric had gotten what he deserved. Or at least the bare minimum. Sirius couldn’t feel pity for his housemate.

The following night had been a full moon, Sirius had had a hard time sleeping. He had kept on stirring in his four poster bed, thinking of the Yule break. Thinking of Lupin alone in that shack. Thinking of Lupin’s eyes. Thinking of Lupin’s lips… So of course, after barely sleeping, he finds himself in a rotten mood the day after. 

He goes to the library to study, incapable to do so in his common room because of the chattering younger years. He refuses to do so in his dorm since Avery keeps asking stupid questions and interrupting his reading. He craves the silence of the library.

He salutes Madam Pince who barely acknowledges his presence if only by glancing at him. The place is mostly empty seeing as the majority of students are in class. Sirius has about an hour or so before his next Charm lesson, so he figures he can use the time to prepare for the upcoming O.W.L.S.. He knows his mother expects him to reach top marks and will accept no less than an O for all subjects. He tries not to worry, unwilling to disappoint her and his father, but he feels the weight of their hopes and aspirations on his shoulders. 

Making his way to his favorite table, he tries to suppress his disappointment when he sees it unoccupied by a certain Gryffindor. Stop being stupid , he berates himself. This whole thing with Lupin has been a colossal mistake. Sirius should have never started following him. He can’t believe he told him he wanted to get to know him, who says that ? All it would do is put them both in danger. Lupin could get expelled or worse, attacked. Him… Well, if his family so much as heard that he was sympathizing with a lion, and a werewolf on top of that? No, he would be done for. Sirius knows he is dangerous, he should be revulsed by Lupin’s lycanthropy. But then again… There’s something so strange about the boy. Like he’s supposed to know more about him, as if something is pulling him towards━

“Fucking hell.”

Sirius’ nearly topples on the ground face first as his feet get caught on a moving figure. Merlin, it’s like he can conjure him with his mind . Lupin is sitting in the middle of the aisle in the depth of the Transfiguration section, a few books around him.

“What are you doing on the floor?” Sirius blurts out.

“I was reading.”

“On the floor?”

“Yes, obviously.” He sighs. “I just needed to check something, didn’t want anyone to see what I was reading.” He mumbles, stacking the books on top of each other.

Sirius gets a glimpse at one of them, the title in embossed golden letters “ Lupine Lawlessness: Why Lycanthropes Don't Deserve to Live by Emerett Picardy ”. He frowns, wondering why a werewolf would read such a tome. Lupin gets up, walking the long aisle, setting the books back by hand. Sirius has noticed he does that a lot. Do things the “Muggle way”, as if he sometimes forgets he’s a wizard. For some reason, it makes him smile. 

As if tugged by an invisible thread, Sirius starts following him. 

“I went to see Mulciber at the infirmary the other day. He doesn’t seem to remember a thing.”

“Mmh.” Lupin sets another book back carefully on a higher shelf, his arm extends and the sleeve on his robes falls down, exposing his skin. It’s crisscrossed by silver scars, although some look more pink than others. Sirius can’t help but stare, a look quickly caught by the boy who pulls the sleeve back down in shame. 

He hesitates before asking the question “How is Mary doing?”.

Lupin turns to him, assessing him suspiciously. “As well as you’d imagine, I guess.”

Sirius nods, looking down at his feet, suddenly very insecure. 

“Why did you tell me who hurt her?” Lupin asks after a few seconds. “I would have thought you might have protected him.”

Sirius recoils slightly. “What Mulciber did was awful. Plus the threat of violence by a werewolf was convincing enough to give him up.” To his surprise, Lupin chuckles at his attempt at a joke. It makes something warm bloom in his ribcage.

“Yes, well I should have known a serpent would sell another to save his own skin.”

He says it in a light tone but Sirius still takes offence, immediately on the defensive as he answers “Figures, only a lion would be stupid enough not to think of the consequences of their actions.”. He answers in a harsher voice than what he had intended as reflected by the look of exasperation in Lupin’s eyes.

“Oh I thought about the consequences. My friend was hurt and I refused to stand by and do nothing. But I understand how friendship and loyalty might be a foreign concept to you.”

“You know nothing about my life or where my loyalty lies.” Sirius spits. 

“I know about your family, that tells me enough.”

Sirius can feel the anger quickly replacing the warmth he felt a second ago. He grits his teeth, eager to prove the Gryffindor wrong. His next move is decisively not one he has thought out. He pushes Lupin against the stacks, crowding him faster than he has time to react. Sirius grabs onto his jaw, his other hand coming to encircle his waist. He has a split second to see the look of utter stupefaction on his features as Sirius leans in, capturing Remus Lupin’s lips in a searing kiss. It takes a bit for the Gryffindor to catch up to what is happening but once he does… Merlin, he does . His hand quickly snakes up to the nape of Sirius’ neck, grabbing on to his hair, the other coming up to hold on to a shelf as he pushes their connected bodies back and into the shelf across. Remus is nipping at his bottom lip, silently asking for permission with his tongue. Sirius lets him, his own delving in the boy’s mouth. A moan escapes him when he presses his hip forward. 

“Shit.”

The sound of Lupin’s voice finally pulls him back into reality. He pulls away a bit, gasping like a man who has just resurfaced from being underwater. His brain catches up, realizing not only the compromising position they are in but also where they are. 

“W━wait.” He says, just as Remus grabs his chin with force, directing his lips back to him. He growls at the interruption which makes Sirius almost give right back in but he knows better. He clears his throat, pushing Lupin back. “I━ I’m sorry. I should not have done that.”

At his words, clarity makes it back into Lupin’s eyes, shifting back to their original color, no longer gold. He looks at Sirius, lips still pink and mouth ajar in shock at what just happened. 

“What the fuck.” Not a question, more a statement conveying the absurdity of the moment , Sirius thinks. He suddenly feels really uncomfortable and wants to run away. Just like last time. But he knows now, however much he runs, it will always catch up to him. He doesn’t really have time to ponder the question very long as Lupin makes the choice for him, not running but definitely walking away from him, quickly. 

“Fuck.”

━━━

Tuesday 30th of September 1980

Remus wakes up in a cold sweat. His Bowie t-shirt clings to his skin, he removes it in one swoop as he sits up in his cot. He can hear Sirius going about the tent so he figures it isn’t as early as he might have thought. He breathes out, focusing on what he remembers from his dream. The screams. The blood. His voice, cold and in control.

Remus Lupin used to think growing up that he was a monster. When he made it into Hogwarts and met his friends, slowly but surely, he had understood that what he transformed into once a month did not define who he was the rest of the time. His confidence went up, he felt more at ease than ever before because of the support and love around him. But then the war started. He volunteered to fight in the Order, lost the love of his life, had to infiltrate werewolf packs. In any case, it had always felt like what he did was what was necessary, for the good of wizardkind. More than a week ago though, the line got so blurred that he might have found himself on the polar opposite of it. 

What scared him so much about what happened when he pulled the information out of Mulciber by using the Cruciatus curse, was not the darkness that should have filled his soul when he cast the spell. It was the ease with which he was able to cast it. He wanted Mulciber to hurt, to scream and to bleed. Merlin, if he had been alone, Remus thinks there might have been a chance he would have killed the Death Eater. At first he tried to convince himself that he had done it for Mary. Then Peter. Marlene. Even Lily. But after a while, he had to face the truth: the only reason he had tortured Alric Mulciber was because he had wanted to. For him. So for the first time in many years, Remus asked himself if he was a monster. 

After staring at the ceiling of his tent compartment for what felt like an eternity, he finally gets the courage to get up and get dressed, pulling on a cozy sweater to keep him warm from the chilly October air. Coming to sit at the table in the middle of their tent, Remus grabs the cup of tea that Sirius has left under a Stasis charm. Right as he takes a great sip to warm his aching bones, Sirius bursts into the tent with a flourish. 

“Good morning oh moon of mine!” he exclaims. 

Remus quirks an eyebrow at the endearment term “You’re in a chipper mood.”

“Indeed I am. I think I might have finally found a solution to our problem.”

“Do you mean breaking into the most secure bank of England?”

“Yes.”

He makes a “go on” gesture and Sirius comes to sit across from him, a devious smile plastered on his face. 

“I will simply walk in.” He says proudly, folding his arms on the wooden table.

“Sirius, is this it? Should I be worried for your sanity?” Remus asks, genuinely disturbed as he looks at him, wondering if Sirius Black had finally succumbed to his family’s madness. 

“No, no, no!” He sputters looking mildly offended. “But I was thinking: Goblins, yeah? They really do not care about the laws of the wizarding world. In fact, the less they hear from us, the better. All they care about are goblin protocols. So my idea is to write to Ragnok, he’s Gringott’s main manager, creepy little fella, used to scare the shite out of me growing up when Mother would bring me along to the bank━”

“Sirius, the plan?”

“Yes, sorry. So, I’ll write to Ragnok, requesting a private meeting. I’ll say something like I want to move some assets, maybe try and bribe him with a couple of goblin made artifacts, yeah? Merlin knows we have enough of those in the Black vault. Anyway, you’ll come along under the cloak, we’ll head down to the vaults and divert our path to the Lestrange vault, get in, find the Horcrux and bam! L’affaire est dans le sac!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that last part?” Remus says mockingly to an enthusiastic Sirius who’s grinning like a kid on Yule. 

“Nevermind that, what do you think of the plan?”

“It…Needs some work.”

“Oh yeah, like what then?” Sirius answers looking at him as if Remus could not possibly have a better idea. 

“For one, how do you plan on redirecting the cart to the Lestrange vault? And getting in? Also, we have no idea what security measures are in place to protect what could be inside that particular vault. Weren’t you the one telling me about the many cursed objects in the Black vault, there just to deter any thief? I’m assuming it’s the same with the Lestranges’. Oh and there’s the small detail of our escape if we do in fact find what we’re looking for. Or do you plan on just strolling out as well?” he asks, smirking in his cup. 

“Okay, well you figure out the details then.” Sirius grumbles, arms folding over his chest in frustration. “Or we can always contact James and Reggie, ask their opinions and do a bit of research for us ?” 

“No.” Remus tenses at the prospect of talking to his best friend, knowing that James will see that there’s something wrong with him the minute he sets eyes on him through the mirror. “It’s fine, I’ll check it out, I packed a couple of books that might be useful. Plus I already have an idea for the escape.”

“Oh yeah?” Sirius asks, genuinely curious. 

“Mmhmm, Portkey .” He says trying to hide his smug expression.

“Get the fuck out. A Portkey? What, you’re just going to casually make a Portkey ?!”

Remus shrugs, “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I can figure it out.” he says. 

Sirius just looks at him, baffled, shaking his head in disbelief. “You are really something, you know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” Remus smiles at him. 

━━━

They’ve huddled around a small fire outside the tent. That afternoon, Remus had snuck out to a Muggle supermarket and had nicked a couple of stuff for them to eat. As much as he loved wild mushrooms and canned beans, it was starting to get old after a few months living like a couple of nomads.

“Tadaaa!” He tosses out a giant bag of marshmallows at Sirius. 

“What is that?” He says, catching it and turning it around in his hands with an intrigued expression on his face. 

“This, my good sir, is a Muggle treat called marshmallows. And is so happens that it is a delight when sat around a campfire” He answers, chuckling as Sirius opens up the plastic bag and smells its countenance with an unconvinced look. 

“They look like tiny pillows.” He says, squishing one between his thumb and forefinger.

“Here, look.” Remus grabs a couple of the sweets, forking them on two long branches and holds them out above the fire. Remus gets lost in thoughts for a second, looking at the flames licking the surface of the candy, remembering how he would do this with his mother come the summer. Their fingers would be sticky from all the melted sugar and he would always eat too many of them. But at least, he was happy.

“Is it supposed to do that?” Sirius asks, pointing at a now flaming marshmallow. 

“Shit!” Remus exclaims, removing both sweets from the fire and blowing on them to extinguish the flames. One of them is done to perfection, the other looks utterly carbonized. “Take that one, I’ll make myself another.” He tells Sirius, handing him the caramelized marshmallow. He watches him take a bite out of it, his eyes sparkling the moment he starts chewing, looking utterly delighted. 

“Oh. Those pesky Muggles, they really know the good things in life” He says, blowing on the rest of the treat hanging off the stick. 

Remus smiles at him but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Sirius blows out a breath before scooting closer to him on the log, a hand coming to rest on his knee. 

“What’s going on with you?”

Sometimes, Remus forgets how well Sirius knows him. How much time they’ve actually spent together, as if all of it was a far away dream he’s been trying to forget. But Sirius knows his heart and he can read him like a book.

“I━ I’m scared, Sirius.”

“Of the plan? I mean I understand, it’s not my best but I really don’t think it’s my worst━”

“No, not the plan.” Remus exhales, his shoulders slumping with the weight of what he is feeling. “I scare myself.” He glances at Sirius whose face is impassive. Remus frowns at the lack of reaction.

“Okay. I get that.”

“No, you don’t. I thought… When I hurt Mulciber I thought, afterwards, I would feel regret, shame, or even feel some of that hurt that I inflicted. I did something violent, I tortured someone. I used an Unforgivable for Merlin’s sake! But I didn’t feel anything. Even while I was doing it, I didn’t think, I just acted. It should have been difficult, but it wasn’t.” 

Sirius stares straight ahead, twirling his marshmallow stick between his fingers slowly. “I do not believe a person is inherently good or bad, Remus. Not all of it is black or white. I believe we are made of a multitude of actions and thoughts that in the end form a wide array of grays. I know that you are fiercely loyal and that you will do almost anything for those you love.” He turns, facing Remus, “I believe you did a violent thing, for good. What I saw that day was a man willing to compromise his beliefs and values to get the information he needed, to help more people in the end. To potentially stop a war.”

With a look of incredulity, Remus counters: “But where do we draw the line?”

“There is no line in war, love. And in the end, we just have to live with the choices we’ve made.” he smiles softly. “Plus let’s be honest, the fucking bastard deserved it. If there’s one person you should not feel bad about, it’s Alric fucking Mulciber.”

Remus looks into the flames as Sirius sets another sweet on the branch, grilling it like he has shown him. Sirius’ face is illuminated, his features softened by the glowing light of the fire. Without much thought, Remus reaches out, tugging a strand of hair that had fallen into Sirius’ eyes back behind his ear. It’s only once his hand lingers mid-air after the action that he realizes the intimacy of the moment. Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius glances at him, a small smile appearing on his lips.

“What do you think normal people our age are doing right now?”

“I don’t know… Going out? Drinking and dancing?” Remus wonders.

“I’d ask you to dance.”

Remus’s heart flutters at the confession. 

“I think I’d say yes.”

Chapter Text

Wednesday 1st of October 1980

The wind howls in his ears and makes his travelling cloak billow around him. Even though it is just the beginning of October, the chill in the air on the Island of Skye would make you think it is the middle of winter. Regulus glances at a nervous looking James, his hands shoved in his pockets, walking against the strong breeze. Barty seems dazed, looking around him as if it is his first time in the Highlands. They couldn’t Apparate right next to the Selkie bridge because firstly, Regulus had never actually been and secondly, the bridge is magically hidden. 

He remembers Pandora telling him the stories and legends surrounding the small bridge in Scotland, how selkies would come to give up their skins to walk among humans for a day. Many times, Regulus had wished then that just like a selkie, he might one day be able to shed his own skin and walk amongst regular folks. In a way, he had done it in the end. 

They approach the stone bridge, the feeling of wards and Muggle repellent protections fluttering around them as they cross the magical concealment. Regulus steps forward, trying to see beyond the rocky shore and under the bridge. He catches a glimpse of a platinum blond mane hidden underneath the arch and his heart sings at the sight of one of his oldest friends. 

“Pan?” His voice is strangled with the sudden emotions flooding him.

She turns around, a great big smile on her lips and tears in her eyes as she lunges forward, catching him in a strong embrace. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling and basking in the familiar smell of his friend. He finds it however difficult to hug her properly as there seems to be something in the way. He lets go of her, holding her out by the shoulders at arms length, peering down at her rounded stomach. An incredulous laugh escapes his mouth, tears springing up to his eyes now as well.

“You’re pregnant!”

She chuckles, “So it seems.” One of her hands comes up, swiping away at a stray tear rolling down his face. “Hello, my star.”

“Hi.” 

Regulus turns around to peer at James and Barty who are both standing a few feet away. Barty slowly makes his approach to join both his friends, his head hanging low as if ashamed. Pandora doesn’t need to be told , Regulus thinks as he sees the look of sadness and hurt crossing her features. 

“Oh, my love.” She says, enveloping Barty in her arms. He holds on to her as if she is his last life line, crying. Pandora looks like she is glowing and absorbing all of Barty’s pain, shushing him while stroking his hair. “I know.”

James just stands there awkwardly, so Regulus comes to get him, pulling him along to introduce him to Pandora.

“Pandora, this is James Potter.” He says, looking back at a smiling James, “He’s been a great help in keeping me and my brother safe. And now, Barty.” Regulus smiles back at him. James extends a hand at Pandora who lets go of Barty though still holding him at her side. 

“Nice to finally meet you.” She says in her usual airy voice, taking his hand in hers. “Oh. You are warm… Just like the sun.” she turns to look at Regulus with a twinkle in her eye. 

Regulus frowns, not catching her meaning, but then again he rarely ever did.

“I am very grateful you have kept those dear to me safe, James Potter.” she looks back at a sniffling Barty, caressing his arm. “You need to come home with me, then?”

Barty nods in lieu of an answer. He has barely said a word since the day before and Regulus cannot help but worry about him. He knows that Barty will be in good hands with Pandora but not being able to see him, to check up on him after leaving him for so long… As if feeling the turmoil inside of Regulus, James comes to stand near him, a gentle hand resting on his shoulder. Regulus looks up into his eyes, trying to suppress the tears trying to spring out of his own again. It’s a simple gesture, but a reassuring one nonetheless. Regulus notices that somewhere along the line, he started accepting those small touches, no longer flinching away from them. Even hugging his friends has now become something he can appreciate. 

Pandora reaches for his hand affectionately and he squeezes it, thanking her for her help. 

“Owl me once you’re settled, yeah?” He says, turning towards Barty. His ex housemate falls forward hugging him fiercely. 

“Thank you, Regulus Black. You are a good man, you deserve happiness. Don’t you forget it.” he murmurs in his ear. They hold each other for a bit, Barty finally pulling away to give him that crooked smile that Regulus adores. “Don’t wait too long for your happiness, yeah?” His eyes dart in James’ direction, “Potter. Take care of him.” he tells him, extending a hand to the Gryffindor.

“I━ I will.” James tells him, taking and shaking it. “Promise.”

Regulus watches as Pandora takes out a simple hairbrush out of her cloak. 

“ Portus .” In a flash of blinding blue light, both of his friends disappear.

━━━

They get back to Godric’s Hollow without much talking. Regulus feels a sort of emptiness now that Barty is gone. Seeing him again made Regulus realize how much he had missed his friends. Their support, the gossiping, the confessions, the laughter,... There hadn’t been much of it since they had left Hogwarts unfortunately. Wherever Barty and Pandora land, Regulus hopes there will be all of that and more for him to heal in peace, away from the war raging in England. 

“Do you mind if we do a small detour?” James asks suddenly, diverting Regulus’ attention back to him. 

“No, of course.”

James smiles softly and walks on, burying his face deeper in his scarf to ward off the cold. Regulus follows after him, and they come up to the small square in the middle of the village. He takes them into the cemetery, walking slowly amongst the graves. They pass a number of tombstones, after a few rows James turns and stops before two marble headstones sitting side by side. He crouches down to brush the leaves that have fallen on top of them, doing it with so much care it makes Regulus’ heart clench in sadness for him.

“Hi Mum, Dad. This is Regulus.” He introduces him to his parents and Regulus suddenly finds it hard to swallow. This feels important, not only for James, but also secretly, for himself. “He has been staying with me. He enjoys your sunroom, Mum and your lab, Dad.”

Regulus can’t help but blush, the moment is so intimate. James fingers linger on the names carved in both stones.

Fleamont Potter

Beloved father

 - 

Born 9th of November 1909 

- 

Died 18th of August 1978

Euphemia Potter

Beloved mother

 - 

Born 13th of July 1912 

-

Died 18th of August 1978

He gets back up sniffling a bit. “You know, when you’re a kid, you sort of see your parents as invincible? As if they will always be there, no matter what? You don’t really believe they’ll ever leave… Until they do.”

This hits Regulus harder than it should somehow. He had always seen his parents as invincible, but not in a strong and protective way. More in a sort of terrifying omnipresence. They’ve always been this towering presence, lingering and observing every move he ever made, ready to pass judgement. If anything, he had been suffocating for the majority of his life and it took getting out to finally realize it. He now knows, whatever happens, Regulus Black could never go back to Grimmauld. Hearing stories about James’ parents makes something inside of him twist angrily, resentful of his own parents for not giving him the love that James was privy to all of his childhood. Right then and there, Regulus makes a promise to himself: if he ever turns out to be a parent, he will be like Euphemia and Fleamont Potter.

Probably sensing Regulus’ distraught, James moves to grab his hand, dragging him away. “Come on, let’s go.”

They walk slowly back in the direction of the exit but as they pass a couple of graves James stops in his tracks. 

“That’s it! That’s where I knew it from!” He exclaims loudly, startling Regulus with the sheer volume of his voice. 

“What?” Regulus says a bit irritated.

James pulls him towards one of the stones, pointing emphatically at the engraving. A circle inside a triangle, a line going through it. Regulus’ breath catches in his throat. Next to him, James starts babbling enthusiastically, he barely catches what is coming out of his mouth:

“...to the Peverells and Dad always used to read me the Tale of the Three Brothers, you know? So━”

“Wait, slow down, The Tale of what?”

“From the Tales of Beedle the Bard?” James looks at him, dumbfounded, “The children’s book?”

Regulus huffs, starting to get exasperated, “I don’t know it, James! I don’t if you’ve heard but my parents weren’t exactly the type to read us bedtime stories!”

“Yes, sorry… It’s fine, I have a copy at home, I’ll lend it to you. Anyway, I didn’t want to say anything in front of Barty, with, you know…” he taps two fingers to his temple, trying to convey Barty’s recent memory issues. “But I think I know what Tom Riddle is looking for, Reggie, what he’s been after. And it’s bad… I mean, it’s bad if he gets his hands on all of it.”

James leans forward, his finger tracing each line on the tombstone. 

“The Stone of Resurrection, the Elder Wand,...” he hesitates, lingering for a moment on the triangle, “and the Cloak of Invisibility. All of them together, would make him the Master of Death.”

━━━

Sunday 21st of December 1975

The Hogwart Express stops with a great jerk and the many students start filing out of the cars, each of them looking happy to reunite with their families for the holidays. The Black brothers get off onto the platform and Regulus nearly falls down as a very enthusiastic James Potter runs past him, shoving him in the process.

“Sorry!” he throws over his shoulder, not really meaning it. Regulus is very tempted to hex him.

He watches as Potter hugs his parents fiercely. His mother dotes on him, a soft smile on her lips as she tries to tame his wild curls. His father pats him on the back and Regulus overhears him congratulating him on his Quidditch stats.

Sirius tugs on his sleeve, bringing his attention back to where they can both see Kreacher standing, waiting for them further down. 

“Masters.” The elf croaks, bowing so low his nose practically touches the ground.

“Hello, Kreacher.” Regulus greets him with a small smile. 

The elf Disapparates all three of them, landing on the front step of number twelve, Grimmauld Place. As they cross the threshold, Regulus can’t help but feel a chill go through his body. He fidgets his serpent ring, thinking about his friends. Sirius walks past him, turning directly towards the drawing room. 

“It is good to have you home, Master Regulus.” Kreacher whispers to him before popping out of existence with his and his brother’s trunks. 

Regulus takes a deep breath, following Sirius. The room is dimly lit and feels cold despite the roaring fire burning in the hearth. Their mother sits on a high back armchair facing the fireplace, a small book in hand. Both brothers stand next to each other, hands clasped behind their straight backs. They both know not to speak unless spoken to, so they wait. The seconds tick away loudly on the grandfather clock, making Regulus nervous.

“Bonjour Sirius, Regulus.” Walburga Black finally says, closing her book and resting it on a small side table.

“Bonjour Maman” they say in unison, eyes downcast. 

“Sirius. How are you getting on with studying for your O.W.L.S.?” she asks. Regulus can see his brother tense ever so slightly from the corner of his eye, lifting his chin to look at their mother. 

“Good, Maman. I currently spend more time in the library than in the common room.” He answers her, ever the perfect heir. Regulus has noticed his brother disappearing lately, but he somehow doubts that he spends all of his time in the library.

“Très bien. But do not forget to cultivate good relationships with your fellow housemates.”

Sirius nods curtly, casting his eyes down once again. Regulus knows not to expect any questions about his studies, his parents do not care unless he fails.

“We will be attending Yule dinner at your cousin Narcissa’s new home this evening. I expect both of you to be on your best behavior, not a hair out of place, understood?” She looks at them both as they acquiesce. “Kreacher has set out new robes on your beds, wear them.”

Feeling like this is the end of their conversation, both boys head for the exit. 

“Regulus, a word.” His mother calls for him to stay behind. 

He throws a panicked look at Sirius who glances back at him, mouth drawn in a line. After years of practice in the art of discreetly communicating to each other, Regulus understands when Sirius subtly motions for him to go on and that he’ll be waiting close by.

His mother has gotten up and he feels so small as she towers over him. He makes his best effort to not fidget. 

“I’ve received a letter from your Head of House.” She purses her lips looking at him expectantly, probably giving him the chance to confess. When he doesn’t say anything, she continues “He informed me of an incident that took place after class.”

Regulus blanches but tries very hard to keep his eyes on the persian rug and his face emotionless. Of course he knows what she’s referring to. A couple of days before the end of term, Regulus had been in Potion class, brewing some Polyjuice potion. Potter, being the clumsy imbecile that he is and Regulus’ unfortunate lab partner, had spilled the content of their cauldron right at the end of lesson. Inwardly furious, Regulus had cursed him and told him to get out of his way, that he would take care of the cleaning up. Potter hadn’t fought him on it of course and Regulus had stayed behind to fix up the mess. He had lost track of time and spent almost an hour wiping the counter and Scourgifiying the floor. Slughorn had found him, hands raw and bleeding, sweating and covered in grime. 

“We do not send you to Hogwarts to scrub cauldrons like a house elf.” She spit at him, “This is not behavior suited for a Black. You embarrass me.”

“I’m sorry, Maman.”

“ Oscausi ” The spell is cast so quickly, it catches him mid-breath. Regulus senses his lips fuse together, the feel of them disappearing all together the next second. He tries not to react but the sudden lack of air makes him panic inwardly. Still, he tries to breathe slowly through his nose. “You are such a disappointment, Regulus. You were almost not worth the pain of a second pregnancy. Leave.”

Regulus inclines his head and steps out of the room, making an effort not to rush his steps. He sees Sirius waiting for him at the end of the hallway, his eyes hard, jaw set. He goes up to his room, his brother following after him. Once the door closes behind them, Regulus turns to look at Sirius, willing for the tears in his eyes not to spill out. His brother casts a quick finite and Regulus swallows a big gulp of air, crumbling to the floor.

“Reggie...” Sirius is there, holding him. Regulus can’t help but stiffen at the contact and Sirius feels it immediately, letting go of him. He looks at him with pity, and Regulus wants to be angry at him for it. He wants to hate his brother for being the heir, for always being perfect, for doing the right thing, all of the time. The mask slips back in place on Sirius’ face, eyes blank, he says “You know I’ll have to re-cast it later before dinner.” Regulus nods and Sirius leaves.

He lays on his bed, staring up at the ceiling for the next three hours, wondering how the Potters are celebrating Yule.

━━━

Wednesday 1st of October 1980

James hands Regulus his worn out copy of the Tales of Beedle the Bard with a small pang to his heart. He’s been trying to remember the last time his father read to him from the book but however hard he tries, he cannot. Regulus skims over The Tales of the Three Brothers, his eyebrows creasing the further he reads. 

“James, this is a children’s story.” he deadpans. 

“Yes, I know. But it’s rooted in truth.”

“I don’t know…”

“Hey, we thought the Basilisk was also just a story, and look how that turned out.” James sees when the corners of Regulus’ mouth lift in a quick smile.

“Okay, so what? You think that Tom Riddle is looking for this Cloak of Invisibility?”

“Yes, but he won’t find it.”

If even possible, Regulus’ frown intensifies “And what makes you think that?”

James hesitates, biting his lip before he slowly admits “Because… I might… Have it?”

He holds a snort when Regulus’ eyes bulge at the confession but he quickly schools his features back into his usual “I don’t give a shit, I’m Regulus Black, nothing phases me” expression. 

“Bullshit.”

A laugh escapes James' throat at the word. “Well I don’t have it this exact second, in fact, I gave it to your brother and Remus, I thought it might be more useful for them than for it to stay here collecting dust. It’s impervious to any magic. It’s been passed on for generations in my family. My father gifted it to me when I started attending Hogwarts.” James says with a sad smile. “It is thought that the real Three Brothers of the story were the Peverell brothers, to whom we are related. My dad never explicitly confirmed it but I’m pretty sure… That’s the cloak.”

“That’s impossible, no invisibility cloak can last… Generations?” Regulus asks.

“Yup.”

Regulus lets out a breathy chuckle, “What about the rest? The stone? The wand?”

“I━ I don’t know.”

“We can’t let him get his hands on any of the Hallows.” Regulus says with a determined look on his face.

“Agreed.”

“We should check in with Sirius and Lupin, this is important, they need to know.”

James is not thrilled at the idea of revealing to Sirius Black that he does in fact have the famous Cloak of Invisibility in his possession… But then again, the two Black brothers have done nothing but prove they are all on the same side now. 

“Yes, sure.”

Regulus smiles brightly at him and James’ heart skips a beat. Just then, they hear the call of a familiar voice, James takes out the mirror from the inside pocket of his cloak.

“Potter, get my brother.” Sirius is visible through the mirror, a harrowed looking Remus sitting next to him. 

“I’m here.” Regulus says, coming to stand next to James, their arms touching, which James absolutely does not notice, no.

There’s a couple of seconds of silence, Remus and Sirius look at each other as if waiting for the other’s confirmation.

“We know where the next Horcrux is.” Remus says. 

“Where?”

Sirius is the one who speaks up this time, looking straight at his brother. “It’s in the Lestrange vault.” A maniacal grin splits his face in half as he declares with as much bravado as James as ever heard anyone say anything, “We’re going to break into Gringotts.”

Chapter Text

Wednesday 1st of October 1980

“You are absolutely insane! What makes you think you’d be able to not only breach the most secure wizarding bank of England but also escape and all of that with a piece of a dark wizard’s soul? Brother, I’m concerned.”

Next to him, Remus snorts, trying to hide his laughter and failing miserably. “Uhm, Regulus? Yes, I know, it sounds like the worst idea ever but we don’t really have any other plans… And I’ll be taking care of our exit strategy, not to worry.” he says, trying to keep a serious face. 

“Absolutely worried, here!” James chimes in. “Not that I don’t believe in your strategic abilities, Moony, but Regulus is right, this is an insane plan.”

“Would everyone stop getting their bloody knickers in a twist?! I know what I’m doing, it’ll work!” Sirius growls, now irritated that no one seems to believe in him. Except for Remus. Always Remus. Even if he did need some convincing…

Everyone just looks at each other, a tense silence settling between them. 

“Reggie, I need some help researching potential wards and other protections that might be stopping us from accessing the vault. Can you look into it?”

“I guess…” Regulus grumbles. “There’s something you should know on our end, though.” he adds, looking at Potter expectantly. 

Potter and his brother fill them in on their discovery of the grave and the symbol, explaining the whole “Master of Death" theory.

“Wait! Can you draw it?” Remus asks James. After a quick sketch, James holds up a piece of parchment. 

“Sirius, isn’t that…?”

Sirius rumages through their satchel, pulling out the piece of cloth in which they wrapped the stone left from the Horcrux. He holds it up to eye level, comparing the two. 

“Holy shit. That's it, isn’t it? The Stone?” Remus says, spotting the carvings.

“You mean to tell me we are one item away from being the Masters of Death?” he asks, laughing incredulously. “You’re right though, this is big, we can’t let Riddle get his hands on it. How did you know that he’s looking for the Hallows in the first place?” he asks suspiciously. 

Regulus stammers, looking caught. “We uhm… Got the information from Barty.”

“You left the cottage?” Sirius is seething but his voice stays low and controlled. After all of this, trying to protect his little brother, he has the audacity to put himself in danger and leave. If Sirius had been next to him, he would have hexed him. 

“We did, I made sure we were safe. We were mostly in Muggle London, no one saw us, I’m sure, Sirius.” James tries to diffuse the situation but he isn’t familiar with the Black temperament. 

“Regulus Arcturus Black, you are under no circumstances allowed to leave the bloody cottage! I have put everything on the line to protect you, including my own life! You will stay put or I swear to Merlin, I will Avada you myself!”

“My friend was in danger and had just lost the love of his life! What was I supposed to do, leave him to rot in that dingy apartment with an old Muggle? James and I are both fine and it brought us useful information in the end so why the fuck are you yelling at me for?!”

“Oh you are so━”

“Fuck you.” Regulus says before disappearing out of the frame.

Sirius grinds his teeth, muttering “ little shit ” under his breath before exiting the tent to get some fresh air and calm himself down, leaving Remus and James. 

He cannot fucking believe it. All of his life, he’s been there by Regulus’ side, trying to temper their parents’ harsh education, taking the brunt of it, keeping the spotlight on him so that his brother could lead a life without any heavy expectations hanging above his head. In fact, if Sirius thinks about it, he has been more like a parent to Regulus than Walburga and Orion ever were. He knows Regulus struggles, always has and all Sirius has ever done is trying to shield him from all that could hurt him. 

He sits down on the log and grabs the stick they used to grill the marshmallows yesterday. He pokes at the ashes angrily, trying to calm down. A few minutes pass before Remus comes to join him, sitting down right next to him. 

“Hi.”

Sirius grumbles in response. He can see Remus smiling a little from the corner of his eye. He knocks shoulders with him, trying to get something out of a tight-lipped Sirius.

“Are you just going to keep on sulking or are you going to talk to me?” Remus asks, trying to catch Sirius’ eyes. 

He breathes out and finally looks up into Remus’ green eyes. His mood softens immediately and he offers him a sad smile. “I just… I don’t want him to get hurt.”

“I know. And I think he knows it too.”

“But he won’t listen, Moony. The kid is just so stubborn!”

“Mmh… One might think he resembles his brother.”

Sirius glares at him without quite meaning it.

“Want to know what I think?” Remus asks him, looking out through the forest at the last rays of sunshine. “I think you and Regulus have lived surrounded by danger all of your lives, in fact, what you did was more surviving than actual living. I think you care so much about him and we all understand that you want to protect him because for as long as you can remember, it has been your job. But Sirius, don’t forget that he is his own person. He will make mistakes, he will fuck up and scare you in the process. He took a risk going out of the cottage but he did for love. You taught him that, to care about the ones you love, not your parents. Plus he has James to keep an eye on him.” 

Sirius snorts “I’m not sure that such a good thing, by the way. Have you noticed how those two look at each other?”

“Ha! I thought I was the only one who had noticed!” They laugh a little before Sirius sobers back up again. 

“I know all of that. I know I can’t watch over him for the rest of our lives…” His voice breaks a little, “But he’s mine, Remus. He’s… he’s my kid.”

The confession settles inside of his chest, nestling itself between his ribs, making his heart warm. Saying it out loud, in front of Remus, being this vulnerable in front of him… Sirius cannot remember a time when he was able to do this. Right then, Remus leans in, embracing him softly. Sirius enjoys the moment, the feels of Remus’ arms, his scent, the warmth of him. He wishes they could stay like this forever. After what feels like too short of a time though, Remus breaks away from him, his thumb coming to swipe at a tear that he didn’t even know had escaped his eye. They smile softly at each other before Remus clears his throat. 

“I uh… Better get started on that Portkey, then.”

“Yes… I’ll start drafting the letter for Gringotts.”

Remus gets up, rubbing his hands on the legs of his trouser, nodding at him before reentering the tent. Sirius sighs, feeling his heart clench a bit at the sight of Remus walking away.

━━━

Monday 5th of January 1976

Remus steps back into the Great Hall and his heart feels a little less empty than it did the previous day. He had a horrible Yule break. He was expecting for it not to be his best, seeing how the situation with his mother’s health had deteriorated. His father of course hadn't helped the matter by being blind drunk the majority of the days Remus had been home. He had split his time between visitations at the hospital where his mother was staying and babysitting Lyall so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit. 

Hope Lupin had been admitted at the local hospital a week prior to his return, against his father’s will. Lyall hadn’t been to visit his wife since, the spiteful prick. Remus took the bus every day, the whole break long, two hours going, two hours back, just to see the soft smile on his mother’s face when he would come strolling in her room. He brought her favorite book along, Pride and Prejudice and would read it to her in hushed tones so as to not bother the other patient she was sharing her room with. On Christmas eve, he brought her some cyflaith he had bought at the sweet shop in their town and they had devoured it until his stomach had hurt. When he had come home that same night, he had been welcomed by a slurring Lyall who had demanded that he’d sit with him for a “celebratory” Yule drink. Remus had refused and it had ended in a screaming match that his father had ultimately lost by passing out on the kitchen floor. Still, Remus struggled with the guilt of being back at Hogwarts and not being able to see mother, knowing that her husband wouldn’t visit her.

After exchanging pleasantries with the rest of the Gryffindor he hadn’t seen on the train, Remus settles down next to James. His friend has somehow found a new way to annoy Lily by blowing heart shaped bubbles out of his wand.

“Did he come up with that?” Remus asks at a snickering Peter. 

“Yeah… Worked on it all break, watch.”

The bubbles James has just blown out slowly make their way towards the redhead and explode just before her eyes, scattering flower petals all over her meal. She looks up at him, unimpressed, before sending a stinging jinx in his direction. 

“Flower petals, really Prongs?” Remus jokes, always fascinated by his friend’s eternal romantic nature. 

“Petals from lilies .” he answers smugly, still rubbing at his ear where the jinx had hit him. “Worth it.”

Remus snorts, shaking his head. When he looks up, he can’t help but scan the crowd, eyeing the Slytherin table but doesn’t seem to be able to spot who he’s looking for. Refusing to feel disappointed, Remus focuses back on the conversation between his friends about their Yule break. His mind drifts off every now and then, remembering the feeling of soft lips pressed against his, lingering touches and moans that had filled the echoing silence. Remus had forced himself not to think of Sirius Black during break, wanting to focus on his mother’s health. But now that he was back at school, his thoughts seem to be pulling him back into the memory of that faithful afternoon in the library. Remus hadn’t expected the kiss, actually, he hadn't even expected to see Black deep between the stacks. He had been researching information concerning his potential emancipation from his father and how his status as an underage werewolf might come into account. Of course, there being little to no information (or often simply wrong information) about the subject of werewolves, Remus had been frustrated. When the figure of Sirius Black had literally stumbled upon him, Remus’ heart had jumped in his throat, the wolf inside of him somehow overjoyed at the idea of another spearing match with the Slytherin. He had said something stupid that had upset him, and honestly couldn’t even remember what, when said Slytherin had taken it upon himself to confuse him even more.

Remus Lupin had always known two things in his life: one, he was a monster, two, he was attracted to boys. Those two pieces of information, although not necessarily connected to one another, had been a plague for as long as he had known. The previous year, Remus had wanted to confirm the latter by shoving his tongue down the throat of the Muggle teenage boy who worked at the corner store where he would go buy his father’s beers and sometimes, cigarettes for himself. The boy in question was a bit older than him and had taken him out into the back room after heavily implying that he too, like Remus, wanted to test out the theory that he did in fact like boys. It had been awkward, full of hesitant touches, bumping of teeth and noses and some very rushed over the pants action. All in all, it had indeed confirmed that Remus was as he had once read it in a Muggle magazine, “a raging homosexual”.

This though, that rough kiss between two bookshelves, it had ignited something inside his chest unlike the kiss he had shared with the Muggle kid from his village. Kissing Sirius Black had felt like a million stars were shooting out of his ribcage, it had felt like he was touching fire itself. So of course, Remus did the most logical thing after it had happened: he had run. Pretty cowardly for a Gryffindor. Now though, Remus finds himself pathetically looking for Sirius Black in the Great Hall.

“Remus?” Lily waves a hand in front of his face.

“What?” He asks, dazed. 

“I asked how your break was?” She asks him, smiling.

“Oh. Uh, fine, yeah. Yours?”

“Okay I guess… I spent Christmas at home with my parents, nothing fancy. Pet has a new beau, had dinner with us.” She scrunches her nose in discontentment and Remus understands that Lily isn’t a fan of her sister’s new boyfriend. 

Before Remus can answer, Dumbledore rises from his chair at the professor’s table, signaling the end of the meal and asks for the prefects to escort their respective houses back to their common room. Lily gives him an apologetic smile, gets up and calls for the younger years to start following her back to Gryffindor Tower.

Once they make it to their dorm, Remus feigns tiredness to his friends and shuts himself behind spelled curtains, pulling out the Map to have a look at the castle. He scans the whole piece of parchment without being able to find any other Blacks than Regulus. Setting it aside, Remus pulls out a book on Arithmancy that Professor Vector had lent him over the break and starts reading. 

He must have eventually nodded off, he thinks as he gets awakened by a snoring Peter, cursing him for forgetting to cast a silencing spell on his bed. It’s close to midnight and out of curiosity, Remus pulls the Map back out again. His stomach lurches at the sight of Sirius Black’s name exiting the Headmaster's office. Not thinking about it for a second longer, Remus quietly creeps out of his bed, grabbing James’ cloak on his way out of their dorm. He tiptoes out of the common room, making sure not to wake the couple of stressed out seventh year students that have stayed behind to study for their N.E.W.T.S.. Once hidden under the cloak, Map in hand, Remus casts a Lumos and starts walking in the direction of where he has spotted Black. He finally catches up with him thanks to a secret passage behind a suit of armor just as Sirius makes it to the subfloor of the castle, heading for his common room. Not wanting to miss him entirely, Remus throws the cloak off of himself, leaving it behind in the passage. He steps out of it, the hall dark and quiet except for the resonating footsteps of the Slytherin. Remus creeps up behind him and before he can think further about it, he grabs Sirius’ wrist who lets out a small cry of surprise.

“What the━”

Remus doesn’t give him much of a chance to protest further as he shoves him into the empty potion class. Sirius stumbles inside, eyes wide with fear and anger that quickly soften as he recognizes who has pulled him out of the hallway.

“Remus?”

His name, coming out of that mouth… Remus breathes hard, a million thoughts crossing his mind at once. He looks at the ground, either too ashamed or too tempted to look at the boy in front of him. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, and neither does Sirius apparently.

“Did you want something? Listen, if it’s about the… Uhm, what happened before the break, I━”

Before he can say anymore than that, Remus interrupts him.

“Shut up.”

Sirius tenses, shifting in place, obviously unsure if Remus is about to beat him up, hex him or do anything else that could harm him. Instead, Remus steps forward, testing out his theory. They are standing about a foot from each other now and he can hear Sirius’ heartbeat quicken. Silver eyes are fixated on his, every now and then looking down to his lips. Remus lifts a hand and slowly brings it up to cup Sirius' jaw, his fingers grazing the skin just under his chin. His breath hitches at the contact, his lips parting slightly to let out a soft breath. Remus is crowded by the scent of him━leather, pinewood and… firewhisky ?

He can feel Moony howling inside of him, edging him to go further. Something takes over, Remus doesn’t know if it is the wolf or if his resolve finally breaks. He leans forward and kisses him. The first contact is soft, tentative like a question being asked. It turns languid when Sirius leans into it. They stumble a bit backwards, Remus’ legs connect with a desk and he almost falls backwards but Sirius catches him, arms snaking around his neck, pulling him back towards his mouth. He nips at his lip, extracting a delicious sound from him. The wolf rumbles and Remus grabs Sirius’ arse with one hand, lifting him up and switching position, depositing him on top of the desk. They break apart for a second, and Remus is somehow so pleased at the dishevelled state Sirius Black currently is in: lips and cheeks pink, pupils dilated, panting. He delves right back in for a kiss, sliding between Sirius’ legs. He’s rewarded by Sirius pulling at his hair on the back of his neck and grinding on him. Remus’ hand, having a mind of its own, grabs at his thigh and continues its path finding its way to his hips which buck again at the contact. 

“I’m━ ah━” Sirius’s hoarse voice comes out barely above a whisper.

Remus goes for his neck next, effectively shutting him up once more. He licks down the column of his throat, nipping, kissing,... Bite, the wolf demands. But Remus doesn’t oblige. Sirius undulates his hips, the movement getting more jerky as Remus fingers find a way to the skin under his shirt, grabbing his waist. One last snap of his hips and the image before him will forever be seared in Remus’ brain: Sirius Black, head thrown back, eyes shut, rosy cheeked, mouth ajar and whimpering. That’s all it takes for Remus himself to go over the edge.

They stand there both panting, foreheads pressed together. He casts a quick cleaning spell on both of their trousers and a chuckle escapes him.

“What?” Sirius asks, tone defensive and his body immediately tensing up.

“You taste like firewhisky.” Remus says with a gravelly voice, still coming down from his high, “Smell like it too.” he adds, nudging his nose right underneath Sirius’ ear.

“Celebratory drink.” He answers.

“What for?”

“My nuptial contract.” He whispers. 

Remus recoils, looking at him in horror. “Nuptials? As in getting married? Is that why you weren’t at dinner tonight?”

Sirius won’t look up, he just stares at the ground. “This can’t happen anymore.” he mumbles.

“What? Because you’re getting married? You’re fucking sixteen, Sirius.”

“So?” The Slytherin spits back, narrowed eyes now back on Remus, “That’s what happens in pureblood society. I wouldn’t expect you to fucking understand.”

“Do they also dry hump boys in pureblood society?” Remus counters, a bit more harshly than he had intended to. 

Sirius’ jaw snaps shut and a deep frown appears on his face. He gets up swiftly, brushing his wrinkled clothes and tucking his shirt back in. Remus already regrets what he said, he wants to reach out again but Sirius turns without looking back and exits the classroom, leaving him standing there like a fucking idiot. Remus wonders how it is that every time he interacts with Sirius Black one of them gets hurt and the other one walks away.

━━━

Monday 13th of October 1980

It takes them almost two weeks to set the whole plan in motion. Remus works himself to the point of exhaustion to make a Portkey for their escape. They have to move soon if they don’t want to wait another couple of weeks. He hates that they have to organize everything around the full moons but it is safer to not have him too close to one when they will take action and rob Gringotts. 

Robbing Gringotts . What the fuck are they thinking? Never mind the fact that they need to outsmart some goblins━who are clever and cunning creatures, they need to get into an ancient vault, somehow find an Horcrux and now Sirius has just casually informed him that they need to get past a bloody dragon. It had taken a lot of reassuring from Sirius for Remus not to start hyperventilating at the thought of facing a dragon. 

“It’s fine, the goblins have those sort of tools that they shake, it makes noise that scares the dragon, it’s been conditioned to expect a beating when hearing it.”

“That’s barbaric.”

“Can’t disagree with you there.” Sirius sighs. “How’s the Portkey coming together?”

“I think I got the hang of it.” Remus tells him, opening his palm to reveal a simple cork. Sirius picks it up, lifting it up, turning it on its ax. “I’ll just have to activate it when we need to get out, it should carry us out and into the forest of Dean.”

“Brilliant.” Sirius exhales.

“It’s fine, it was no trouble.” He lies.

Sirius smiles at him, clearly not believing him. “Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow.”

━━━

The following day, they Apparate into Diagon Alley. Remus is preemptively hidden under the cloak and Sirius has glamoured his face to transform his features and cast a strong Notice-me-not charm, should there be any Death Eaters around. They calmly make their way towards the imposing bank, managing not to get checked by the guards at the entrance thanks to a well aimed Confundus charm by Remus. Sirius strolls confidently through the main hall, Remus rushing quietly behind him. He takes a sharp turn to the left, entering a smaller corridor with many office doors. They stop in front of one of them, Sirius knocking in two quick successions and entering without waiting for acknowledgement from the occupant. Remus stays by the door, a smile tugging at his lips as he observes the complete switch in Sirius’ attitude. The first thing he does is cast a Finite on himself, revealing his true face to the goblin sitting behind the desk. He sits down with a flourish, assuming an aristocratic pose: back straight but somehow still looking relaxed, hands clasped in his lap and a stern look on his face, posh mask well in place. 

“Lord Black.”

“Ragnok.”

“I was sorry to hear about your father’s passing.”

Remus had heard of the patriarch dying a year after they had gotten out of Hogwarts. He had wondered back then how Sirius had been dealing with it.

“Yes, a tragedy, really.” Sirius dismisses.

“Indeed.”

There seems to be a stalemate during which the goblin and the wizard take measure of each other. Sirius clears his throat, brushing imaginary dust off his pristine transfigured robes. 

“As I said in my letter, I would like to access my vault as I am planning on moving some assets around.”

“Yes, so I read. And of which assets are we talking about?”

Sirius’ body stiffens, and his voice drops an octave as he answers the bank manager “I do not see how this is any of your business, Ragnok. Do I have to remind you of the sheer size of the Black vault? I think that allows me, at the barest of minimum, some privacy and anonymity when it comes to my decisions about my assets.”

“Of course, it was merely a question, out of curiosity.” Ragnok answers, mirroring Sirius’ position by folding his hands above the desk, his long fingernails tapping on the wood. “There is of course the issue of your supposed death.”

“Well, clearly you have been misinformed as I sit here before you, very much alive.”

“Yes, but the wizarding world does believe you have somehow perished. As such, we have received word from your mother, making her the executive of the Black vault, seeing as both her sons were presumed dead.”

“And I am sure there is a way to go around this small inconvenience. Like I said, the Black vault contains many riches, some goblin made. And many of which I would be glad to return to the capable hands of a certain bank manager.”

Ragnok eyes him suspiciously, silence stretching between them. Remus feels nervous, gripping his wand tightly between his fingers, ready to curse the goblin at the first sign of trouble. However, after a long minute the creature relents.

“I will just need to do a security check. Your wand, if you please?”

Obliging without any fuss, Sirius extends his arm, ebony wand clasped in his hand. Ragnok confirms the identity of the man before him and Sirius smirks in victory. 

“I will be accompanying you to your vault myself.” The goblin says, hopping off his chair and grabbing a set of keys so large it looks like it shouldn’t be possible for his small arms to carry the weight of it. 

They pass through a set of doors behind Ragnok’s desk and find themselves directly in front of a small cart. Remus rushes to sit alongside Sirius, his fingers grazing the other wizard's thigh. The gesture is answered by a discreet hand squeeze that makes Remus smile. So far, so good , it conveys. They are jerked forward as the small iron cart starts moving, the echoey clicking of the metal resonating around them as they assume their descent into the bowls of the bank. They pass through the Thief’s Downfall without a hitch, the cloak being impervious to any magic, Remus is able to stay hidden although not dry, unfortunately. A few more minutes pass before the cart screeches to a halt, nearly propelling Remus out. Sirius and the goblin step out, walking towards a large and heavy looking circle door. Ragnok stands in front, a long hooked finger gliding over the surface of the vault’s entrance in an intricate pattern. There’s a heavy rumbling sound that feels like it shakes the ground they are standing on and the door groans open.

“Wait here.” Sirius orders the bank manager who just nods, walking back to the cart. 

Remus follows him closely, slipping inside of the Black vault whispering to him, “Sirius, what are we doing, this wasn’t the━” his mouth hangs open as he takes in the size of the room they are standing in. It looks like it goes on forever, stacks upon stacks of galleons in every corners, antique furniture with drawers overflowing with all sorts of treasures, glass cabinets filled to the brim with jewelery… Remus has never seen anything like it in his life. He doesn’t know where to look, there’s so much to see. He doesn’t really get time to make any comments on the absurd amount of money that the Black family has accumulated over the years as Sirius rushes around the vault, grabbing a couple of things and filling their extendable satchel with galleons.

“Figured as long as we’re here, we could just grab a few items and some spending money, no? Alright, this should be plenty, let’s go.”

They step back out, the door shutting with a great bang behind them and Sirius steps back into the cart. Before Ragnok can utter a word however, Remus aims his wand directly at his head.

“ Impirio. ”

The goblin’s features go slack, a soft smile appearing on his face. Remus throws the cloak off of himself, shoving it hurriedly in their bag. “Bring us to the Lestrange’s vault.” He orders. 

Without a word, Ragnok starts walking towards a narrow stone passage. Remus looks at Sirius who shrugs, and starts following the goblin, leaving their cart behind.  Remus smells it before he sees it. The distinctive odor of animal, sulfur but also blood. They just about make it through by crouching, the damp and cold of the walls starting to seep into their bones. They finally make it out of the passage, coming face to face with a great opening carved in the stone. There, in the middle of a circle of tall stone pillars sits a chained up dragon. For the second time today, Remus is left speechless as he approaches the creature cautiously. 

“Shit, we don’t have the━” Sirius begins.

“It’s fine. It’s okay.” Remus interrupts him, raising a hand in front of him.

The dragon looks to be in a bad shape. If Remus recalls anything from his Care of Magical creatures class he took in third year, it looks to be a Ukrainian Ironbelly although its colour is significantly more ashen than what it should be. He can see lacerations all over its body, in different states of healing. Remus’ heart clenches as it catches sight of its scared eyes, one of them seeming to be blind.

“Hi.” He whispers to the majestic creature. Behind him, Sirius is frozen in place. 

“Remus, what the fuck are you doing, stop making friends with the dragon!” He whisper-screams.

The beast roars, trying to spit fire but barely (and thankfully) anything comes out of its sore throat. 

“We just need to get through, is that okay?” Remus asks the dragon as if it would answer him. He forces his pupils to turn golden and the dragon seems to be appraising him, breathing a great huff that makes the dust around them fly. It inclines its head and curls back on itself. Remus grabs Sirius’ arm who directs the goblin forward. 

“How in Merlin’s tits did you do that?!” He practically squeals once they are out of sight of the dragon. 

“I have no idea… I guess it responded to the wolf? Maybe a dark creature thing?”

“Whatever it was, it worked. Let’s get on.”

Arriving in front of the vault, Remus instructs Ragnok to open it and wait for them outside once again. Luckily, there doesn’t seem to be any added wards on the door. The Lestrange vault is definitely smaller than the Black’s although honestly, not by much. They look around not daring to touch anything as they’ve assumed that some failsafes might be in place to dissuade thieves.

“Do you smell anything?” Sirius asks him, taping his nose. 

Remus looks around, overwhelmed by the amount of things surrounding them. “I don’t know, there’s a lot of cursed objects I think. It just generally smells like dark magic… How are we supposed to find it?”

“I don’t suppose we could Accio it?”