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Chapter Text

THIS MAY BE UPDATED THROUGHOUT THE STORY, I WILL LEAVE A NOTE IF THAT'S THE CASE

1. In this story Tyrrendor is ruled by a monarchy that is oversaw by the Navarrian monarchy. So essentially while Xaden is a Prince, he's not at the top of the pyramid.
2. Avari's parents were serving as the ambassadors to Tyrrendor, serving King Tauri (obviously they were double agents)
3. Fen Riorson did go through the Rider's Quadrant and bonded a red daggertail named Solam (this isn't really relevant but there you go)
4. The Solaris name comes from her mom's side of the family, when her father married her mother, he took her name so that the Solaris name would live on
5. There is no rule saying that Marked One can't be in groups of more then three (however it does bring lots of attention)

Chapter Text

   It's been about four years since Garrick Tavis, Xaden Riorson, and Avari Solaris have last seen each other.

   They were all twenty now, and while Avari had her choice of Quadrants. The other two would be facing the Parapet in the Riders Quadrant. As punishment for their parents failed Rebellion. They were all born and raised in Aretia. Xaden, the son of the King of Tyrrendor, Garrick, the son of the Kings aide, and Avari, the daughter of the Ambassadors of Navarre.

   Her parents' loyalty to King Riorson was their best kept secret. What very few knew and much less even remembered was that her father and Xaden’s father had gone through the Riders Quadrant together. Their bond forged in the fires of battle and training. So when her father married her mother and was made an Ambassador alongside her, he had suggested Aretia as their station. Soon after that did King Riorson move there as well. They raised their children there, together, side by side and alongside their wives, planned on how to free Tyrrendor as its own nation.

   When the Rebellion failed, King Tauri had Avari brought to him, promising to look after her. As repayment for all her parents had done for him, for he still believed they had lost their lives in service to him.

   It was only for that reason that she wasn't branded a traitor and given a relic like the rest.

   It was only because of her name, Solaris, that when they were deciding the fate of the Rebellion children they allowed her to attend.

   It was because of her, that they lived. She had made a case, argued and fought for weeks, proving she was every bit of her parents daughter.

   To King Tauri, to all of them really. It just seemed as though she was working to keep from a war, that keeping the children alive, would keep Tyrrendor in line, that to show them mercy, would still their hand. To Tyrrendor it was clear as day, she was buying them time. Soon after once things settled and each child was shipped to a foster home. Was she sent off herself, to stay with her father's brother.

   Today however was Conscription Day and that meant today everything would change.
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   I woke up before dawn, and with more energy than anyone would ever expect me to have. I showered the night before so I skip that, instead brushing my teeth and washing my face. I do bother with a little makeup, figuring if I die today, I'd like to go feeling my best.

   "Sit, I'll do your hair." I turn to the doorway seeing my eldest cousin, Alastair, he's five years older than me, and has been out of the Riders Quadrant for two years.

   "I thought you weren't able to get the time off." I say rushing across the room to give him a hug.

   He hugs me back fiercely. "I didn't give them a choice. I told you I'd see you off." I let myself have this moment, hugging the man who's the closest thing I have to a brother these days. I'm scared to tell him that, that maybe for as close as I think we are, he just doesn't view it the same.

   "I'll change first." He nods, but still holds me a second longer. I quickly go and grab the clothes I had laid out the night before. I change entirely, slipping on leather pants, that may as well have been painted onto me. Despite how tight they look, they are actually extremely breathable and flexible. I could do the splits with zero resistance.

  "Hey what's the weather like?" I ask, coming out in a black tank top. It's then I notice the box on my bed. "What's that?"

   "That is what you’ll be wearing on top instead." I glance over at Alastair who's just lounging in the same chair he always does, as I walk over and open it. "Its made with dragon scales."

   I lift it up and sure enough I can catch the slight shimmer of blue underneath the mesh. "Plex let you use his scales?" Its a corset, and inside the box are belts, straps, and pouches to attach to my clothing.

   "Don't sound so surprised, you know you're his favourite. I got it lined, so that it won't irritate you if you don't wear anything underneath in the summer."

   "Thank you Alastair." I say softly, this was beautifully crafted, in my favourite colour, even though his dragon was notoriously known for never sharing anything. He could have easily gotten scales from one of his brothers dragons, or his dad's. He shows me how to tie it, and than it somehow gets even better because there are hidden pockets for my daggers. In the front and the back, so I take the time and hide two on each thigh, and two on the side of each rib. Making for a total of eight, he guides me into the vanity chair, and starts to quietly braid my hair. I know I can't keep it open, but gods I want too.

   "Now remember, if you need to drop the pack do it. You have all you need on your person, everything else they'll give you." I nod, going over what I did pack. A few extra changes of clothes, lots of socks and underwear, wraps, a few snacks, my sketchbook and pencils, and a book or two. I could survive dropping any of it. All other things I've left here in my room, last thing I'd want is to drop something meaningful and live to come back home, where it could have just stayed the whole time.

   "Would it be alright, if I wore my jewellery?" I ask hesitantly. Not sure if it would be okay, and Alastair has done so much for me, if he said no, I would listen.

   "Why do you want too?" He asks without judgment.

   "If I don't make it across the Parapet, I want to go feeling like me."

   "And?" Because of course he knows there's another reason.

   "And because it will make me feel close to family." He sighs.

   "Hold this." He says gesturing to the half finished braid. I reach up and do so, and he walks over to the pack he had brought in. He pulls out a more rectangular box, that by the looks of it, has been wrapped for quite a while.

   "Is that whole bag just presents?" I tease, I catch sight of his grin as he places it in front of me.

   "Let me finish first, than you can open it." I wait, wondering what else he could have possibly got me.

   Once he's done, he makes me jump up and down, and shake my head to make sure the braid will hold.

   Than he sits me back down, and puts gold clips, and I know he agrees to the jewellery. Still I feel like something is off between us.

   "Are you mad?"

   "I'm not." I give him a look because I don't quite believe him. He kneels down beside me, and cups the side of my face forcing me to look at him.

   "You're disappointed then?" He just looks at me with pride.

   "Avari, since the moment you came here, all you've focused on is getting back to them. How could I ever be mad at you for that? I was worried before, that's why I put you through all that training."

   "But you aren't anymore?" I question.

   "Not as much as before. I'm always going to worry about you Aves, that's what family does. But its a known truth about you, that you will do anything you can for your family." He wipes away at a tear that dared escape. "Its what makes you who you are."

   "I'll be careful." It's all I can promise, because he's right. Since the day I was separated from them, I've been working out how to make sure our parents goals succeed.

   To make sure Xaden takes his throne.

   "I know you will." He nods towards the box, and I grab it, opening it in my lap.

   "Are these-?" My voice catches, because I can't be sure.

   "They are." He says softly. "Took me a while to track down, I was going to save it for when you graduate, but figured they'd helpful now."

   "Isn't it cheating to be using runes?" I ask as my fingers trace over the runes imbued into the metal.

   "You need every edge I can get you." He says leaving no room to argue.

   "You really think I'm at that much of a disadvantage?" I can't keep the hurt out of my voice.

   "No." He says firmly. "If anything I think you have too much of an advantage. These are for when you inevitably decide to do something reckless for that Prince of yours." He passes me a piece of paper and I look it over. It's a list of the runes imbued into the crowns turned armbands. They also show me how to create my own. I'm familiar with the process having watched Liam's mother do it before. But instructions are always welcome.

   "Thank you, for everything, for giving me this piece of them."

   "Go finish getting ready." He says softly. "We're all waiting for you downstairs." I nod and he leaves the room.

   I take a moment, to just look them over, gold laurel leaves, the mark of their position as Ambassadors, given by King Fen. I slip them on, and they fit perfectly in place, not even sliding no matter how I move my arm. I slip on the ring from my grandfather, solid gold like everything else I'm wearing. The rest of my jewellery I already have on.

   I check myself over in the mirror, before fastening on the belt and straps. I notice how the way it's designed is to interchange with the different weapons I'll earn patches for. Especially the two short swords I plan on earning the first chance I get. I attach my two larger knives to the back of my belt, the way I trained. I can't help but realize he really has thought of everything. I slip on my boots, the ones that have a hidden sheath for a small dagger, and a grip made for the Parapet. I pick up my pack and take one final look around the room, and then at myself. I look like a Rider already, decked out in black. I also look like my parents with my tan skin, blue eyes, and pitch black hair.

   I take a breath, fiddling with my necklace, I grab the kohl from my washroom and stuff it into my pack, alongside some of my other makeup.

   I'm hesitating, and I know why.

   I'm scared.

   Scared that I'll cross and they won't, that I will never see them again.

   I snap out my thoughts, sling my pack on, and head down the stairs. Breakfast is anything but a tense affair. We joke, gossip, and talk, they all give me advice and expectations, and not for the first time am I grateful that they took me in. I get a goodbye with both of my cousins, my aunt, and my uncle, before I turn to Alastair. Who just throws an arm around my shoulder.

   "You couldn't possibly think I wasn't going to walk you over." I smile.

   "No I didn't." We walk in an easy silence, his arm never leaving me as he guides us to where hundreds of others my age, are joining their chosen Quadrant.

   "You know I have to give you the out." I nod expecting it. "Are you sure you want to go to the Riders?"

   "I'm a Solaris. Its where I belong."

   "Avari, I'm asking you, not your name." He says gently.

   "I'm sure Alastair. I need to be there, to follow in my parents footsteps, to honour my legacy, and to be with Garrick and Xaden again." He looks proud.

   "I am so proud of you Aves." We get into line, and I let my eyes dart over the crowd. I am unashamedly trying to spot Xaden. Who I haven't seen since he refused to let me burden the responsibility of their lives with him, and then he requested that I be the one to mark him.

   107 times.

   I can't help the memory that fills my head from that day. Once we were alone, with me tending to each and every wound I had been forced to make, he simply took the knife and made one more cut across where his heart was. He never had to say who the last one was for, just like I didn't when I pulled the hair over my right shoulder, and pulled my neckline down, revealing a mark similar to his own, already healed against my skin, in the same spot as his own. I had done it myself weeks before, when I had first proposed the idea to King Tauri and his Generals. A vow to take his life as my own, the way he would go on and take all of theirs as his.

   That was the last moment we'd have together and we both knew it. No one was worried about leaving us together. No one would ever believe that the last Solaris would ever betray Navarre, not when they still thought I lost my parents to Tyrrendor. No one saw him requesting me to mark him as anything but the fallen Prince simply clinging to the last remnants of his empire, his advisor in training. As far as history was concerned, we were friends once, until his family betrayed mine.

   I had made sure each stitch was perfect, and each cut was covered in a salve and bandaged individually before I wrapped his back entirely. Then I helped him sit up and took extra care for the one he did himself. Once I was finally done, I helped him slip on his shirt and turned to clean up. My hands shook as I washed them, too lost in the horror of what I had done to my best friend. I didn't even hear him get up until he was grabbing my hands.

   I remember looking up at him with tears, regret and guilt in my eyes, his hand brushing them away. We stood there, foreheads touching, just soaking in the last time we'd be together for years. Memorizing every moment we had ever had.

   "I have something for you." He said softly, pulling away. He reached into his pocket wincing slightly at the movement and pulled out a small box. I opened it, and inside was a thin gold chain, a sun or maybe a flower in the middle, its center a black gemstone. He calls me his Sunfire, has for years, neither of us even remembered where it had come from. Still this necklace, it just reminded me of the fact that I was his.

   "When did you even get this?"

   "Doesn't matter." He insisted fastening it around my neck. Alastair nudges me forward, and I focus back into the now. My fingers reach up and I grip the charm for a moment. I haven't taken it off since he put in on me. It's the first thing he notices when we see each other again.

   I'm staring at him, as his eyes take in the necklace before locking with my gaze. I'm ready to move to him, when he shakes his head ever so slightly. That immediately ruins my mood, and I move closer into Alastair's grip. Needing some type of security before I either start crying or yelling. I don't miss the way his eyes narrow on Alastair's arm over me, or how he relaxes when Garrick reaches him. At least they're both still here.

   Finally we reach the front of the line, and I'm aware that a few spots behind me is them. The eyes locked onto me tell me as much.

   "Avari Solaris." Captain Fitzgibbons says upon spotting me. "I was wondering when you'd get here." I smile signing my name.

   "Ran a little late this morning," I say apologetically, he's been over to dinner more times than I can count.

   He waves it off, looking over at my cousin. "Alastair Blackthorne, last I heard you were on deployment." Alastair just grins, ever so easy going.

   "Oh you know me Captain, had to finish what I started with Avari." He nods in understanding, and Alastair walks me off towards the base of the turret. I notice how Captain Fitzgibbons holds the line to give us a moment.

   "I'll miss you." He says softly pulling me into a tight hug.

   "I'll miss you more."

   "One more thing, Selena, she's putting your boys together." I sigh in relief.

   "I love you Alastair," I whisper.

   He just hugs me tighter. "I love you more Avari." Finally he lets me go, and I pretend not to see his tears. "Go kick ass and get yourself a dragon."

   I nod. "I won't let you down."

   "You never do." With that I head up the steps, and I know he watches until I'm well out of sight.

   I don't rush up the steps, I take my time, I'm in no hurry. By the time I reach the top, there's a few cadets in front of me in a line. As I wait, and a few more people have joined up behind me, with a quick glance back I know so have Xaden and Garrick, who stand out both for their relics and height. Finally its my turn.

   "Name."

   "Avari Solaris." I hear whispers burst out, and someone gives an appreciative whistle.

   "Of course, only a Solaris could be that hot." I ignore whoever says it.

   "When you're ready." I climb up to start my cross, when someone clears their throat. I glance back to see Garrick giving me a look that screams, don't die.

   I nod once before stepping out. The wind whips right at me, but I keep my gravity low as I walk forward. Guess it was a good thing I didn't leave my hair open. I was halfway across, when I paused, glancing back. Sure enough Garrick was behind me, and Xaden after him. Then it starts to rain, it's cold against my skin, and is coming down hard, without any warning. I keep forward, and my boot slips against what feels like ice.

   "Avari!" I hear my name shouted, but I'm too focused on pulling myself up. I don't have the momentum, my only choice is to swing back and forth, and pray my grip doesn't give way. My core burns as I do so, but it does what I need it too, because I'm able to get a leg over and pull myself up. Garrick is there to help me to my feet.

   "Are you okay?" He asks panicked, gripping me so tightly I know I'll bruise.

   "I'm okay." I look over his shoulder, and can't even see Xaden from how much harder the rain is coming down. I can barely see in front of my own two feet at this point. "Xaden?" I call out, but I doubt he hears me over the thunder.

   I share a glance with Garrick. "Go we'll be right behind you." I nod, my steps are slower and I don't lift one foot until the other is firmly on the ground. I make it across, soaked to the bone and angry.

   "Surprised anyone made it across." The rider says.

   "Avari Solaris." I say giving him my name. He points to the side. "Inside, down the hall, second door," I nod but don't head in, I wait under the cover of the stone arch.

   Each second feels like an eternity, but minutes later Garrick is through. I breathe out watching as he gives his name and glances back to the Parapet. Then Xaden jumps down, and my heart finally starts to beat the way it should. He barely glances at them scanning the grounds as he gives his name. Once his eyes lock with mine, he is moving right to me and I realize he was looking for me. I'm stepping out back into the rain as he takes long strides that close the distance between us.

   He reaches my side and he's pulling me into a bone crushing hug. "I'm sorry, fuck Sunfire, I'm sorry." He mumbles, as my arms go around him. "Gods I thought I lost you again." My head rests against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

   We're alive and together, it doesn't feel real. Yet he is. His one hand is around my waist pulling me flush against him, while the other is at the base of my neck. "Why didn't you want me to approach you both?" I say back.

   He lets go of me only for Garrick to hug me next, spinning me as he does so. "We had to wait to be cadets before-" I cut him off as he lets me go.

   "I understand, does that mean going forward.-" Xaden cuts me off this time.

   "No." He cups the sides of my face, like he's worried I'll be looking anywhere but at him. "Its been four years Avari, you aren't going anywhere now." It almost feels like a challenge, but I just smile relieved. We head inside together, where they give us towels and coffee. Apparently its frowned upon having half the quadrant drop dead from hypothermia.

   It's easy to clear out a corner, people avoiding their marks, like sharks in the sea. I'm drying myself off when I catch the dark look in Xaden's eyes. "Is everything okay?" He nods.

   I know there's more, but I don't push it while we're here, surrounded by those we don't know. Instead I whisper to the both of them. "You both should be in the same squad, my cousin knows the current Wingleader for Fourth Wing, he wrote to her."

   There is a tension in their shoulders that melts just a little. "What about you?" I shrug.

   "Requesting three of us for the same squad will raise questions, I'll probably be in the same wing, just a different squad and section."

   The door opens again, and I feel the rush of cold air. "You good?"

   "Yeah, I'm just going to go put the towel back and get some coffee." I take their towels too, because why make multiple trips. I'm at the table with coffee, making myself a mug, I don't particularly like the taste but it's warm, and with enough sugar and milk, it's bearable.

   "Now aren't you a sight for sore eyes." I whip around at the feeling of someone's arm dropping over my shoulder.

   "Alic you asshole." I mutter lying eyes on one of the Princes of Navarre.

   "Princess." He teases.

   I roll my eyes, but still give him a hug. We had seen each other plenty the past few years, and we were in no way friends, but I'd continue to pretend I could stand him. "I'm glad you made it." He whispered in my ear.

   "You too." I pull away after that, picking up the three mugs I had prepared. "If I see you on the sparring mats, don't think I'll take it easy on you just cause we have history." His reply follows me into the crowd.

   "Wouldn't dream of it Princess." Garrick has a teasing grin on his face as I pass him his mug.

   "Princess? Didn't realize you got married." I roll my eyes, forgetting how annoying he could be.

   "You're an idiot." I can't remember which mug was mine, and Xaden, just takes a sip from both before handing me the correct one. Any worry I have that things have changed, just fades away.

   "So why does he call you that then?"

   "All the brothers do, its because during the initial meetings, I commanded the room. I didn't mean too, but I was focused on keeping you all alive. Whispers started, and I was being referred to as Tyrrendor's Princess, figured if it helped me get what I wanted I wouldn't dispute it."

   "I mean so did the our own council." Xaden mentions.

   "Really?" I groan.

   "Oh yeah Sunfire. You leave quite the impression." We talk and catch up as we wait for the last cadets to cross. The weather lets up eventually, and we're being ushered back out to the dais.

   It's muddy and several cadets slip and fall. At this point I just want to be put in my squad and sleep. I'm exhausted, which is why while Panchek is speaking I lean my head against Xaden. It's not something I haven't done a hundred times before, but he freezes up under the contact. I start to pull away, worried maybe I misunderstood how the dynamics were going to be here. But his hand darts out, tugging my hand lightly, before letting go. I lean back, and slowly he relaxes. Oh, he's not used to this anymore.

   Before our lives went to shit, I spent a lot of my time with Xaden. I was learning to be his royal advisor, which meant every meeting he was in, so was I. We would stay up and work on plans and events, more often than not we'd end up asleep in the same bed. It really started when his mom left. I'd sneak in at night and crawl into bed with him, keeping him company. Our rooms shared a balcony so it wasn't all that hard. As we got older we had more responsibility.

   We'd be up late learning, studying, working on trade deals, or details for the next days meetings. If he fell asleep at his desk first, I'd wake him up and guide him to the bed, where still half asleep he'd pull me in beside him. After the first few times of it happening I learned to make sure I was at least in comfortable clothes, because he never failed to pull me in with him, and he has an iron grip in his sleep. If I fell asleep working on the floor or desk, or even the balcony, I'd wake up on the bed, an arm securely around my waist. It's just how we worked. When Garrick was over in the summers, we'd sleep in every variation possible, from alone, to all three of us crammed into Xaden's bed.

   It was us against the world until it wasn't.

   The first few months after the Rebellion I'd wake up the house screaming, unable to escape from my nightmares. A week into that my uncle had to put a sound shield on the room, so I wouldn't wake anyone. After a year I stopped waking up screaming, weapons drawn. Two years in I stopped waking up with tears. By years three and four I stopped dreaming of my parents and their dragons death, and I stopped dreaming of Xaden dying. I still had the odd nightmare here or there, and I never slept more than five or six hours unless sick. Still every morning without fail. I always look to my side expecting to see Garrick snoring in my ear, or Xaden tucked around me.

   I'm snapped out of my memories when Garrick nudges me, they're calling squads. We get to Fourth Wing and I still haven't been called. The first section comes and goes, than we get to Second Section; Flame Squad.

   "Garrick Tavis." He gives us both a nod and goes to join the other girl already in his squad. "Alic Tauri." Whispers beak out at that, and Xaden takes advantage to whisper to me.

   "Looks like we might get stuck together after all."

   "Aren't we always?" A few more names are called.

   "Xaden Riorson." His eyes glance towards me before he's walking over to Garrick. They reach the seventeenth name which seems to be the average amount for the squads this year.

   And I feel my heart drop. "Of fucking course." I mutter.

   "And Avari Solaris." My eyes widen in surprise, and I look over to the dais as I move to join the rest. Our Wingleader, Selena Hunt, just winks my way.

   I hope she sees the gratitude in my eyes. Gods Alastair, better ask her to marry him once she graduates.

   No one is ever truly safe in the Riders Quadrant, and even if over half the people in here want me, Xaden, and Garrick dead. There is no where else I'd rather be, than side by side with them.

   It was us against the world and nothing was going to change that ever again.

Chapter Text

    The next morning, I'm up early and out for a run. I run the path of the ground and for our classes, familiarizing myself with the route. You never know when you'll need to know the fastest way from point A to point B.

    I'm on my way back when I see Alic waiting for me by the dorm entrance. "Hey Princess." 

    "Alic." I say, hoping whatever this is will be quick. 

    "Just thought I'd see how you were settling in. You never slept well the first night in the castle." He says, I don't point out it's because of where I was, and the company I was surrounded with.

    "I slept fine Alic, if that's all, I'm hoping to shower before breakfast." Alic and I we have a complicated relationship, we were civil, sometimes even borderline friends, but knowing what I do about his views it could never be more.

    Even if his father has suggested it before. I had declined, quoting that as the last of my family name, I should focus on honouring that, rather than marriage. It wasn't the best excuse, but when I also said that I needed to focus on the Riders Quadrant and keeping an eye on the Marked Ones, they all agreed that dating one of his sons would be counter productive to that goal.

    "Oh, of course, I'll see you there." I nod and quickly slip back into the dorm, grab what I need, and head to the washroom. By the time I'm showered and dressed again, people are starting to wake up.

    I head out and wait by the boys' dorms, twirling a dagger and making sure I'm good with its weight. 

    "Waiting for someone beautiful." I glance up at the guy who speaks, I don't recognize him, but I do his gaze. He's letting his eyes track over every inch of my exposed skin. 

    "Not you if that's what you're hoping." He laughs.

    "Want me to call whoever you're waiting for?" He offers, and I am quick to take advantage of it.

    "Oh yeah, if you don't mind." He nods. "Riorson and Tavis." 

    "Damn, what's a girl like you doing with trouble like that." Still, he heads in, and a few moments later, he pops back out. "They said to give them ten to fifteen." 

    I nod and go back to twirling the dagger. "Thanks." 

    He doesn't walk away, and I don't say a word. "You're the Solaris girl, aren't you?" I nod, no sense in denying it. "A word of advice."

    "Something tells me we have different definitions of the word."

    He grins this time there's a dark undertone to it. "Be careful of the company you keep, wouldn't want you becoming collateral damage." My dagger goes sailing, pining his shirt against the wood door. I hear the wood splinter as it sinks halfway through it, followed by a commotion on the other side.

    "I suggest that you keep your advice to yourself, or the next one won't miss." I warn, the next blade already in hand.

    The door opens and it's Xaden, the anxiety that was running rampant immediately dissipates. He looks between me and the guy I have pinned to the door. "Everything okay here?" 

    "Just fine." The guy responds.

    "I wasn't asking you, was I?" He shoots back not even glancing his way. "Well, Sunfire?" 

    I smile and nod. "Yeah, everything's fine." Garrick chooses that moment to stick his head out and immediately starts laughing.

    "Already putting people in their place, aren't you Vari?" I step forward to go grab my dagger, but Garrick shakes his head.

    "You know me Gare. Making friends wherever I go." Then Garrick pushes the door he's pinned to, towards the room, and I can see everyone staring at him. 

    "You can go now." I say. He tries to move, but I know its in too deep. 

    He glares at me as the others start to laugh, it's Xaden who removes my dagger, and tosses it over to me. They watch as I catch it with ease. "Lose something?"

    "Funny shadow. Are you sleeping beauties done getting ready?"

    "Just another minute Vari." Garrick confirms.

    "I can keep you company." A guy with a mustache offers. 

    "I prefer my men manly." I shoot back not even looking his way. There's a row of laughter as I wait and a minute later both of them are out and we head down together. We get our food and take our seats. Choosing the table in the furthest corner, that way we don't have to worry about an attack. 

    "So are we going to talk about the fact that you seem keen on getting all the attention and enemies you can?" Xaden asks casually.

    It catches me by surprise, and I choke on my drink. Garrick pounds my back as I cough. "Are you trying to kill her first?" He jokes as he passes me his cup of orange juice.

    I drink it gratefully and glare at Xaden, who just looks at me unaffected. "No, we shall not."

    "I could just order you." 

    "That's really an abuse of your power." I mutter. "It's to take some of the heat off of you both." I admit. "You didn't let me take those marks with you and they didn't brand me a traitor like the rest of you."    

    "Avari," his voice cuts through me. "I'm not going to apologize or feel bad for keeping you alive."

    I sigh. "I know that. It's just this is something I can do for you both to keep you safe. So I'm doing it." I declare. 

    He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Was she always this difficult?" He questions to Garrick.

    "Yup, it's just worse now that she looks like this." I look at him offended.

    "Like what?" I demand.

    "You know what." He says, like I'm being dumb.

    "No, I don't." I reply, confused. 

    "How could you not?" I glare at his tone.

    "Because I don't spend hours staring at my reflection like you do." He groans.

    "It was one time because someone screwed up the dosing." He says exasperated. 

    "You're avoiding the question. I look like what?"

    "Hot." Xaden interrupts. "You look hot as all hell, and half the guys in here haven't been able to keep their eyes off you."

    "What are you talking about?" I mean yeah one or two have looked at me, but that's just because I stand out. With all the gold and company I keep, how could I not?

    "Seriously, Avari." Garrick says in disbelief.

    "You've always been pretty, Sunfire, but you've clearly grown into your looks the past few years because now your jaw dropping gorgeous."

    "Interesting word choice." I say praying my cheeks aren't red.

    "It's not my own. It's from the guy three bunks down from me." He takes a sip of his coffee, looking me over. His tongue licks his lips before he speaks. "I don't disagree though." 

    That should not be as hot as I find it. I'm saved from a reply by the death roll being read. But I can feel his eyes on me, and based on the smirk on his face, I'm definitely crimson. I mean I know I look good, since we were split up I have spent nearly everyday training for this Quadrant. I filled out nicely on all fronts, and I do know the clothes I've chosen show that. The corset especially highlights my slight hourglass frame, and the shape of my breasts.    

    After breakfast, we head to our first class. It's history, and after all the things I've been forced to learn training to be Xaden's advisor, this class is going to be a walk in the park. Battle Brief is interesting. We all stay silent, learning the facts and information Navarre is making the mistake of sharing. I have a plan, one I've been working on since I was separated from Xaden and Garrick. I have thought out every aspect, everything that could go wrong, all I needed was a way in, and to catch them up. 

    I feel eyes track my movements, and I let my gaze dart around the room. There's two guys watching me from across the room, I recognize them as second years. The guy between them notices and hits them both in the chest. Whatever he whispers to them causes them to look down in shame.

    He makes eye contact with me and shakes his head in a way that says they're idiots. It's a movement I am well acquainted with, and I shrug back with a smile. What can you do. The grin on his face tells me he knows exactly what I mean by the gesture.

    "Are you flirting right now?" Garrick whispers, and I immediately snap my eyes away from the guy. 

    "No, of course not." I defend, focusing back on my notes. "He was just being friendly."

    "New rule, anyone being friendly to you is flirting." I turn to look at him.

    "That is in no way true. Some people just have manners and don't think with their dick like you." I accuse him, and he laughs wholeheartedly. 

    I settle back and glance back towards the guy, whose friend notices and whispers something to him. I look towards Professor Devera and Professor Markham. No way was I going to give Garrick anymore reason to tease me. 

    Xaden rests his arm behind me, and I nearly forgot he was here, observing the whole interaction. I glance up towards him, but he doesn't say a word. Garrick, on the other hand, has a pleased look on his face, and I sigh. 

    Men.

    Still I don't complain, having Xaden close again, it's all I have been waiting for. The hardest thing to adjust to after the Rebellion failed, wasn't losing my parents, it was not being near him. I had forgotten how it was to do work with Xaden. We've attended a few meetings like this. Obviously not as packed, but same kind of energy.

    One of the men on the council, Nathaniel, he would bring his son with him. To teach him to follow in his footsteps, and well, he didn't hide the way he would leer at me. He was decent looking, but he would creep me out so I was always careful to never be alone with him. Both him and his dad, they watched me, like I was a deer they were hunting, and Xaden hated it.

    One day, ever so casually Xaden decided before I sat down, to move my seat right beside his. It worked for a while. They would stare less, argue with me less, and it made the meetings easier. But then it started up again. So one day, mid meeting, Xaden just did what he did now, casually moved his arm around me, as he continued to write. It had taken me by surprise, but I went with it. It quickly became a warning to everyone in court. If they were pushing whatever line Xaden had associated with me, his touch would find mine in some way. It always worked to get them to back the fuck off. I realized later that it was a claim. A casual way of asserting himself, one that was perfectly fine for two childhood friends. One that I still wish meant something more. 

    Battle Brief came to an end, and I start packing up when Alic comes around with three other guys in our squad.

    "Princess, I was wondering if you'd like less traitorous company for lunch." He asks easily, and I realize he is completely ignoring his father's request. To leave me alone so I could learn about any less than loyal action or speech, from the Marked Ones.

    "She's fine where she is, Tauri." Xaden's voice is low, a threat clearly behind it, and as sweet as it is. I have to make it clear that I don't need protection.

    He moves so he's right behind me, and I can feel his warmth. I have to resist the urge to lean back into it. "She can speak for herself." I say firmly. 

    They laugh, and one look from me shuts them up. "Well then Vari, don't keep us waiting." Garrick says, his tone light, his eyes dark. I know they're all ready for someone to make the first move. If it wasn't for the fact that who I sit with, is a thinly veiled cover for who I'm loyal too. I'd kick all their asses. 

    "I'll stay with my crown." Alic grins as though he's won, and I realize he does think that. Gods I forgot how stupid this boy is compared to Aaric.

    "After you, Princess." Xaden tenses behind me, and of course, this idiot thinks I don't mean him either. Xaden and I need to sit down and talk, because apparently he needs a refresher on who I am loyal to too.

    I laugh, surprising them all. "I am a child of Tyrrendor, so when I say my crown, I will always mean the Riorson family. You should do a better job at knowing who's actually under your rule, Tauri. Prince Aaric never would have made that mistake." His friends snicker and hide their laughs. 

    He just glares at Xaden and Garrick, like they're some type of poison infecting my mind. Then he looks at me with a soft look, the kind that if it came from anyone else, I think I would melt.

    "You'll realize your mistake soon enough, and when you do, I'll be waiting." There's a promise in his words and I am not sure how to feel about it. We wait until they fully walk out the room before dropping our guard. 

    Xaden’s arms snake around my waist, and he rests his head on my shoulder. This is bold for him, not the action, but the location. We are in the middle of enemy territory. Where he's basically waving a bright coloured flag saying hey my only weakness is right here in my arms.

    "You're an idiot." I say it because he knows he fucked up doubting my loyalty.

    His breath tickles my ear as he replies. "I know." I hum back enjoying the feeling of total security only he could ever really give me. "I remember telling you once that loyalty is what flows through those veins of yours."

    "Loyalty to Tyrrendor, to our people, our friends." I whisper. "How could you forget that." I turn to face him. "Doubt that my loyalty is to anyone else when it has always been to you." I can't keep the hurt out of my voice.

    "Its been years Sunfire, I just needed the reminder, that I was still someone you thought was deserving of it." His words get to me, because Xaden is never vulnerable like this, at least not when were in public and in front of someone else.

    Garrick to his credit, doesn't say anything, he's just surveying the room to make sure no one else comes in. 

    "You're an idiot." I say full of affection. "You'll always have my loyalty for both when you deserve it and when you don't." He nods kissing my forehead before letting me go and turning to face Garrick. 

    "So do I get a kiss now too honey bear." Garrick and I laugh at the sigh that escapes Xaden, and I laugh even harder at the bewildered look on Garrick's face when Xaden does in fact kiss him on the forehead too.

    We head to lunch, and I plan on not eating anything, but the joint glare they give me has me putting something on my tray. I don't eat a lot, I'm too focused on the fact that we're hitting the mats next. It's an irrational fear I know. But I'm worried someone is going to take advantage of first day confusion to try and kill them.

    Xaden moves his leg, locking it with mine under the table. It calms my anxiety enough to stop my knee from bouncing like its being paid by the minute. Still minutes later my hand starts turning the ring on my finger, as my mind races. Garrick just takes my hand, and intertwines it with his own. 

    "No one is going to kill us." Xaden says softly. It's the fact that he doesn't lie and say nothing will go wrong that stops my mind from spiralling. 

    I calm down and squeeze Garrick's hand twice, he takes it as a sign to let go. I tap the table twice but Xaden doesn't remove his leg, and I don't push it. In a lot of ways, he's the thing that's keeping me tethered to this world. Without him, well there is no without him.

    We leave soon after and I stretch to get ready for my first fight, even if it isn't for points, I'm treating it like it is. Professor Emetterio pairs up all up, and I get one of the boys that was with Alic. I'm first up, and I turn to Garrick, taking the time to disarm ten of the twelve daggers on me. They sit in a little pile in his hands, and he looks at me amused.

    "You really came in expecting a fight." I grin, as I start to wrap my right hand up.

    "By the time we graduate asking me to disarm will be quite the show." 

    "That's my girl." He says with pride. 

    "I think you mean mine." Xaden’s voice cuts through our moment, and his eyes seem even darker if that's possible.

    "Oh relax you're both big boys now, I'm sure you can learn how to share." He takes a step forward and that closes the space between us.

    He casually takes over wrapping my left hand, and whispers just for me to hear. "Don't go getting any insane ideas now Sunfire. You should know by now I don't share you with anyone." I look up at him, expecting to find some type of indicator that tells me he's teasing. What I find instead is that he's serious about his words.

    "Xaden..." We lean a little closer and he breaks the moment.

    "Go kick his ass." I nod, not trusting my words. I get on my half of the mat.

    "You got this Anthony." One of the girls in our squad shouts. Becca I think, gods I don't know, there are too many people.

    He takes his end, and we circle each other on the mat. I know Garrick and Xaden are watching me with an intense focus. For any mistake I make, any weakness I show, anything they could fix in training later.

    If it weren't for the fact that my cousin put me through the ringer, I'd be nervous right now. But Alastair made it his personal mission, to get me every kind of training he thought would help. So he made me take combat lessons, weapons training, and even made me learn how to dance ballet. I hated that the most, but I couldn't deny it made me flexible and fast.

    I'm calculated and I take every opening Anthony gives me, I'm toying with him, but only because I need to make it clear I can hold my own. To everyone in this room, they need to know that I am not to be messed with. I get in a clean hit on his nose, and I feel it crack under my fist, before I get him in the jaw next. There's blood flowing down his face, and anger as he just straight up rushes me and tackles me to the ground. 

    My body slams into the mat as his hands find my throat. He doesn't even bother to secure my legs properly, and I flip us over. It takes me two attempts though and I know Xaden is going to have words about that later. I keep Anthony firmly pushed down, using my hips for added stability. I catch ear of some whispers, the main theme being the guys here would like to know what it is to be in this position with me in the bedroom. 

    "So are you yielding or are we wasting time?" He glares at me as he tries to break my hold, and I sigh. I move his arms so I can keep them pinned with one hand, and I move my right arm to apply pressure against his neck.

    "I suggest you yield now, before you black out." Garrick advises, as I push harder and I see him start to pale. He taps three times on the mat, and I ease off.

    "I yield." He gasps, and I'm off him in a flash. I offer him a hand, and he takes it. Then I'm back to their side, rearming myself. Two fights later and Garrick is up next, he's against the girl that was first put in our squad. Annalise I think.

    Xaden is staring at me, and I look at him. "What?" I question. His fingers tilt my chin up, and he inspects the marks on my neck. I see the anger swirling in his eyes as he glares at the retreating figure of Anthony. He doesn't move from my side until its his turn on the mat, and that's not before he gives Garrick a pointed look.

    The message clear as day. Don't leave her side. 

    Garrick's fight was quick, he had her pinned to the ground within two minutes, and only had a lucky hit to the jaw to walk away with. Unlike Annalise who definitely would be walking away with a few bruises. I notice his glances towards her. He so likes her.

    Xaden and Alic are the last fight in our squad and everyone stops what they're doing to watch. 

    "Hold this for me Sunfire." His voice low, he's looking at me as he takes off his shirt. I forget how to speak as he hands me his daggers and shirt. I nod, not trusting myself to try and say a word. When did he get that ripped? I swear I feel the heat pooling between my legs, and I snap myself out of it. This is not the time to be objectifying my best friend. 

    Their fight is ruthless, neither of them seem to be holding back, and I'm relieved there are no weapons allowed, because I don't doubt they'd be fighting to kill. I realize quickly Xaden is doing what I did. He's toying with Alic. He takes a hard punch to his right kidney and Garrick is gripping my arm with iron tight grip to keep me from interfering. I don't even realize I had inched forward. I'm not surprised that the instinct to protect Xaden is still as strong as it was four years ago.

    "Stop playing with him Riorson." I shout.

    His eyes meet mine for a split second, a feral grin spreads on his face. I should not find it as hot as I do, but its too late for that. Then he's not holding back. We watch as he takes Alic to the ground, punching him repeatedly in the face. 

    "He yields." Professor Emetterio shouts. Xaden gets in one more punch before getting off him and walking over to me. His face is a little bloody, and I know his knuckles are going to bruise. I'm trying to look mad at him for putting himself in needless danger, but I know all that comes across is my amusement. 

    "Admit it, you were impressed." He says as he puts on his shirt.  

    "You wish." His fingers brush mine as he takes his knives and tucks them into the spaces on his thigh.

    I frown at the sight of his hands, his knuckles torn. Once we're given the go ahead to leave. We do and head to Dragonkind and then we are done for today at least. It's during that class, where we're nestled in the back, that I take the hand that's furthest from me. He doesn't pull away, not even wincing when I disinfect the cuts, and carefully bandage them up.

    I'm happy I had the forethought to pack medical supplies in my pack, because no way either of these two would ever willingly go to the Healers. He passes me his other hand and let's me do the same. I press my lips to the bandaged area. "Don't do that again." I warn, relieved Garrick doesn't catch the action. 

    His hand leaves mine, his finger tracing the bruises on my neck. "Goes for you too Sunfire."  

    I sigh but nod. Today we both had to make a statement, but tomorrow we would play it safer.

    By the time we get to dinner I am done with all the people. There are too many voices and looks, and I am exhausted from having to keep my guard up all day. I know tomorrow will just be more of the same, but I can deal with that. I think its just the fact that they're both finally here with me, and I still can't have a real moment with them.

    So I say I'm going to turn in early, and slip out of the building. I head out towards the river, slipping off my boots, and dipping my feet into the water. It reminds me of home, there was a lake by Riorson house. It was one of the places I'd go the most, when I needed silence, or to sketch. The only one who knew that was Xaden. He could always find me when I slipped away. Like he had some sort of internal tracker, always set to me.

    "You used to be a better liar." I jump, cursing myself for letting my guard down and not hearing someone come by. In my haste to get up, I slip on the rocks, and expect to go crashing down. Instead I'm caught before I make contact with the ground, and I'm staring up at Xaden’s amused face. He gently lets me sit back down and he takes a seat behind me, his legs around mine. Its catching me off guard, how willing he is to be close to me, even if it might put more of a target on us.

    I slip on my boots so I don't think about it anymore. "To be clear, I'm still an amazing liar, just not with you." 

    I lean back, making full contact with his chest, his arms circle my waist. "I missed you." He says his chest vibrating with each word. I don't say anything back, I'm afraid that if I start talking I won't stop. His head comes to rest on my shoulder. "I said I missed you." He whispers into my ear, my breath catches, all too aware of all of the places we're touching.

    "I heard you." I swear he nuzzles my neck and my brain is this close to shutting down.

    "Come on Sunfire, tell me what's going on in that head of yours." Because its Xaden asking, I answer.

    "I was scared." I know he's confused, I've never been scared. Our entire lives nothing ever frightened me. Not heights, or the dark, not snakes, or even death. 

    I have never been scared.

    "Of what?" I'm hit with the fact that it's been roughly four years, and he is still the person I feel safest to be vulnerable with. 

    That he is still my home.

    "That I'd lost you." It's an admission, one I had kept to myself for so long. One I hadn't dealt with because if it ended up being true I wouldn't survive it. "The first year or two, every night, I'd be plagued with nightmares of you dying. I'd wake the whole house with my screams, even now I wake up every morning reaching for you."

    "Hey I'm right here, we both are, together." It helps a little, feeling his chest moving with each breath. I didn't just miss him. I felt lost without him, like I was missing some integral part of me.

    "I can't lose you Xaden. I can't." My voice is desperate and it's more like I'm bargaining with Malek than talking to him. "I barely survived my parents, but if I lost you..." My voice trails off, because I honestly don't know what I would do if I did. The only thing I'm sure of is that I'd follow him into death without pause or hesitation. There is no me without him, its been that way our whole lives. 

    That's why our parents always called him my shadow. They used to say, "Avari where's your shadow?" Like the sight of me without Xaden wasn't something that could ever be. He shifts closer, if that's even possible, and just holds me, and I know he knows what I would do without me even saying it.

    "You are all I have left Xaden, and for four years, I never even knew if you were still alive. I can't do that again." I admit, letting myself be weak. He waits until my tears have stopped and I've calmed down. He moves back just enough so he can turn my face to see his own.

    "You don't even realize it do you?" He says his eyes a mess of emotion like my own. 

    "Realize what?" I ask confused. 

    "That I can't do any of this without you. Everyday since we were separated, I regret not fighting to keep you with me, or just taking you and running. Since that moment I gave you that necklace, all I wish I had done was keep you with me. Those cuts were nothing compared to the pain of not seeing you everyday. Avari,"  He says my name likes it's something special. "Do you honestly think I would ever survive losing you Sunfire?" 

    My words fail me. I have always known that I mean something to him but to hear just how much. To know that as ripped apart I felt so did he. It starts to put the pieces back together.

    "All that's kept me going during the worse of it, was knowing that I would see you again. There is nothing in this world that will ever keep me from you again. Nowhere I won't go to find you. I need you to understand that."

    I snuggle into him, peering up at his face. "I missed you." 

    He grins. "Just had to make me work for it, didn't you?"

    I don't reply, choosing to kiss his jaw, over his Rebellion mark. We stay out here the whole night talking, catching up, leaving no secrets between us. 

    Aside from the one where I want to sink to my knees and show him just how devoted I am to him.

    As the sun rises, we are exhausted, but we are also completely and utterly us again. It's everything I've needed the past four years, and from the way he looks at me, I know its the same for him. 

Chapter Text

    We sneak back in all too easily, and I know I need to talk to Garrick, he needs to know the truth. Xaden picks up on my unrest all too easily. "I'll send him out." Sure enough a few minutes later, a disgruntled Garrick comes out. He's rubbing the sleep from his eyes and his hair is all ruffled. 

    Its absolutely adorable.

    "You look like a giant teddy bear." I tease as we take a seat in a window overlooking the grounds. 

    "How dare you?" He says offended. "I'm a man Avari, a manly one, like a lumberjack."

    I bite my lip to keep from laughing, and instead nod in agreement. "Whatever you say Gare bear." 

    He sighs. "That's not going away anytime soon is it?"

    "Nope." He grins, and I move to sit right beside him instead of across. "I really missed you." I whisper, my hand toying with his. The way I always do when I'm anxious. "As close as I am with Xaden, I am just as close with you."

    He laughs, and it's smooth like honey. "Sweetheart no one is as close as you and Xaden. But yes we are close." His arm comes around my shoulder, and I lean my head against him. "I missed you too."

    "How are things at home?" I ask, Xaden having filled me in on their sneaking back to Aretia. "You handling the workload without me there?"

    He groans. "Gods Avari I don't know how you did it. The amount of times I wanted to just lock Xaden in a closet." 

    I laugh at his frustration. "Ah yes the Riorson affect."

    "So there is a name for it?"

    I nod. "Yup, it's when he's being so difficult you want to lock him in a room or outside until he is willing to hear reason." His chest rumbles when he laughs, and its oddly comforting. We share stories of dealing with our Prince. He tells me about how much work he has had to undertake doing both our jobs. I make sure to tell him that I will gladly reclaim my role.

    Its long since been established that Garrick and I would serve as Xaden’s loyal right and left hands. We spent our whole childhood being taught and trained for it. We were told we lived to serve Xaden, and everything else was secondary. Yet, any chance we got to put the other first, we took. We knew every tell the other had, never needing words. Like how when he doesn't get enough sleep, his socks were white or how he notices when I'm overworked by what I eat. 

    We were close not because of necessity but choice. A distinction worth its weight in gold.

    In a lot of ways growing up we were the only family each other had. His dad was King Fen's aide, and my parents were Ambassadors, we rarely saw our own families. We learned from a young age how to be self reliant, independent, and resourceful. We also realized we were in the same boat. So we had a choice. 

    We could either leave each other to drown, or try and weather the storm together.

    Our bond was forged in the heat of battle, not your typical kind, but a battle none the less. Hated by the members of court, always under close examination, we learned the only ally we ever truly had was each other. So we leaned on each other. That's why I know even though its been years, he'll still have my back now, and with what I'm about to ask.

    "I need you to promise me something." 

    He nods. "Is it what I think?"

    "It is." I take a breath. "I need you to promise me, if it comes down to Xaden or I. You make sure its him, even if he tells you otherwise."

    "Avari."

    "This isn't one of those things we debate behind closed doors Garrick. He needs to live, for Tyrrendor, for our people. If he dies, that puts everything on Bodhi, and we can't do that to him." Bodhi, the sweetest boy I've ever known. He would take the weight onto his shoulders if Xaden died, but it would ruin him.

    I couldn't let that happen.

    Not to him.

    Never Bodhi.

    He sighs. "I know." His voice is heavy, and I hate that I'm causing it, but this needs to be done. "I promise Avari."

    "Thank you." It's still a relief to hear even if I knew he wouldn't let me down. 

    "You know he'll be mad when he finds out." I have long since accepted that. Which is why I had asked Garrick before Xaden realizes how big the threat on my life is going to be.

    Alastair drilled it into my head from the start. I am the last of my family name. The last of the Solaris bloodline. My family name means something, to the people at least. Our history in the Riders Quadrant is hard to deny. My family have bonded strong dragons, and have had even stronger and rarer signets. My parents alone were a thing of a legend having bonded a pair of mated orange dragons, within an hour into their Threshing. When the time to bond to a dragon comes, the other cadets will try and kill me. Spill my blood because they'll believe it will impress a dragon. It doesn't help that its public knowledge that my great grandfather, killed a bonded cadet right in front of their dragon before they left the Threshing field. The dragon was so impressed, it bonded him instead. That bond was unbreakable, and when my grandfather died so did the dragon.

    "I know, but, he won't put himself first. So I will." I take a breath, now comes the hard part. "There's something else that you should know."

    "What is it?"

    "I think I figured out a way to get Tyrrendor its independence." He freezes against me, and I gaze up at him worried.

    He lets out a laugh of disbelief as he pulls me into a hug. "You insane girl."

    Once he finally let's me go, I try and pick where to start. I had already told Xaden everything last night. But Garrick and I, we would be the ones to work everything behind the scenes.

    "After the Rebellion failed, Tauri had me brought to the Palace and he hosted me as his esteemed guest. What you might not be aware of, is that he had me attend court, to help decide the Rebellion kids fate."

    Xaden knew this from the start, right after the decision was made, they had sent him to my room so I could break the news. They wanted to make him suffer by having his oldest friend tell him the cost of his survival. 

    It was not a fun conversation, and than to make matters worse he begged me to be the one to mark him. Only trusting me to honour Tyrrish tradition. 

    I did as he asked, requesting to be the one to mark him. To the Navarrian court, it played into me hating him, and him thinking I still cared for him. I hated politics, but I couldn't deny I played the game well. Every bit my mother's daughter. I had to keep a straight face, pretend I was even enjoying cutting my best friend to shreds.

    All to keep him alive. 

    As hard as this is, Garrick deserves to know the truth. Being branded as traitors, the forced service to the Riders Quadrant, and the 107 marks all of it. It was my idea. 

    "Vari?" I take a deep breath, and look him in the eye. 

    "I was the one to suggest that you all be branded as traitors, forced to join the Riders Quadrant, and that Xaden be offered the choice to take responsibility for your lives." I keep my voice steady even if each word pains me.

    "What?" He exclaims. "Why?"

    "Because they were going to kill you all, and I knew if I could make the consequences of the Rebellion enticing enough they'd let you live." He's silent for a very long time. I'm worried that maybe this is the thing to break us. 

    He would be right for it.

    "Thank you Avari." His reply takes me by complete surprise. Every time I have run the possibility of this conversation over in my head, I never thought he'd thank me. Stab me maybe, but thank me?

    "What?" 

    "I know you Vari, and I know the toll this has been taking on you. You went into the heart of enemy territory where they still believe you are one of them." He looks me in the eye, gently tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "You had to prove it, and you didn't do it to keep yourself alive. You did it for us." 

    I break. The tears burst like a dam, and he just pulls me into his lap, his arms secure around me as I sob. A series of I'm sorry, come out, as I just shatter. He holds me, running a hand through my hair, like when we were younger and I was mourning the loss of my grandfather. 

    Eventually my sobs fade to sniffles and the tears dry up. "Feel better?" He asks without any judgement. 

    "A little." I admit. 

    "Good now listen to me." I stay quiet readying myself for whatever he's about to say. "You are the reason we are alive right now, and you might not think you paid a cost for it, but you did Avari."

    "And what cost is that?" I demand because he's wrong. I got out without a scratch left on me.

    "You paid your soul for us sweetheart. Being known as a traitor, being forced into this Quadrant, they don't compare to what you sacrificed for our lives."

    I don't reply. My mind starts flashing back to darker times. The first day in the Palace, still replaying the sight of my parents death again and again in my head. Followed by being forced to attend court. Simply because I was a Solaris, and my family history is as old as the crown itself. 

    It was there I had to quickly prove that I was a loyal Navarrian who hated the Rebellion because they killed my parents. I had to lie to everyone around me, never letting my walls or mental shields down. Making sure the lies I were telling were so believable that those with certain signets wouldn't know the truth. That my parents were involved in the Rebellion, that they died killing a Navarrian squadron. That I was just as loyal to the cause. 

    To Xaden.

    Then I had to force myself to offer a punishment to keep them all from death. Only for it too result in me having to cut Xaden in front of an audience. I had to make it believable when all I wanted to do was cry and throw up. I thought I would be done after that, but King Tauri was intent on continuing my family history of serving the Navarrian Royal family. He would have me brought to the Palace routinely. Making me sit through their court, or spend time with his sons. I knew what he, and the rest wanted. For me to choose a son to marry.

    So instead I came up with a different plan. I put it out there that I would join the Riders Quadrant like my parents before me. Eventually one of the General's mentioned some of the Marked Ones would be in my year. To which I convinced them that the Tyrrish traitors would still trust me, simply because we were born in the same place. That I could keep an eye on them, so long as I kept my freedom.

    King Tauri agreed all too easily, because there was a cost I had paid. I can't prove he or his Generals were to blame, but I know its true. Within the first week or two after the Rebellion failed, I was kidnapped and woke up tied to a chair. I was tortured for days, maybe weeks, the whole thing was hazy. 

    It was staged to seem like Tyrrish soldiers thought I had betrayed them, and wanted information. I almost believed it too, if it weren't for the fact that on one of my force visits of the Palace, I heard the voice of one of the kidnappers. A Captain I didn't recognize, who fled the second he spotted me. My name got me through the door, the torture got me a seat at the table. Both ensured I would never be doubted. 

    Xaden and Garrick didn't need to know that, as far as they would know, I was just asked questions. Which was technically true. I was just leaving out the fact that those questions were accompanied by being stabbed, waterboarded, and beat. Then mended so there wasn't a trace on me after I was rescued by Navarrian soldiers.

    "Avari." Garrick's voice cuts through my memories. I look at him, his face is slightly scrunched the way it always does when he's concerned.

    "Sorry, I was thinking." He nudges me lightly.

    "About?"

    I give him a smile, the kind I'd give in court. "Nothing important Gare." He nods and I feel guilty for lying. But some things they just don't need the details on. 

    "So what's this plan of yours?"

    "My plan is to strike a deal for peace between Poromiel and Navarre, contingent on Tyrrendor's independence."

    "And just how do you plan on doing that?"

    I grin. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and their enemy is who I plan on using." I don't say it out loud but he knows exactly what I mean. 

    The Venin.

    I know from my time in our court and Navarrian court that if the threat of the Venin become public knowledge. There will be nothing to stop the people and more importantly the dragons from demanding to stop it. All we need is to bond, and convince our dragons to go to the Empyrean. From there we work with a drift to get a few Wyvern bodies and scatter them across Navarre. 

    The Generals will be unable to deny the reality, and King Tauri will have no choice but to call for a meeting. One where I will be forced to attend. It's then I will reveal to them their only option. Peace between the three kingdoms, or they can fight a war on two fronts. I know that given my past, my family, and my knowledge. I can convince enough members of court that its the only choice. I plan on putting them in a position where the only way out, is to stop going to war with Poromiel and free Tyrrendor back into Xaden's hands.

    The Venin will attack Navarre, its just a matter of time, and we can speed that up by involving ourselves with drifts, making the presence of our dragons known to the enemy.

    "Avari, that's complex, if even one party doesn't react or do what you think they will. It won't work." I nod.

    "I know. But I'm telling you, the only way they ever give Xaden his throne back, is if I can make this happen."

    "We." He reminds me. "You aren't alone anymore Vari. You and I against them all."

    "How could I forget?" Its what we used to say to each other before every court meeting. The nobleman didn't like us all that much, hoping to put their own children in the positions we were being given. 

    "It could work." He says after thinking it over. "But we need to re-establish a relationship with Poromiel." I nod.

    "Only way we can do that, is from the back of a dragon." 

    "So we need to survive Threshing." That was one concern I didn't have. 

    "Garrick after surviving meetings in Riorson House, that will be a piece of cake." His grin matches mine. 

    We talk for another hour discussing details and other things that have happened.

    "Alright breakfast both of you." Xaden orders coming around the corner. 

    A mug in hand, he passes it to me, and I'm met with the unmistakable scent of chocolate. "Is this hot chocolate?" I question. "How did you even manage to get that?"

    "You'd be surprised by how receptive people are if you ask nicely." Garrick and I both burst out laughing.

    "You ask nicely?" I start. 

    "You don't even know what the word means." Garrick finishes. 

    He rolls his eyes and argues back with Garrick. I take a sip, enjoying the taste. I'm taken back to nights on the balcony that joined Xaden’s room and mine. I glance up at him over the still steaming mug, where he's already watching for my reaction. Thank you, I mouth, taking another sip. 

    I have a new goal for today, learn the names of all the other first years in our squad. We have nine first years including us, six second years, and three third years. 

    By the time lunch ends, I finally learn the last girls name, it was not Becca, but Bethany Winters. The girl Garrick fought is named Annalise Cawthra. Alic's little group consists of Anthony Collins, aka the guy who's ass I demolished, Martin Sortas, some high level nobleman's kid, and Pierre Droken who I remember seeing around the Palace a few times.

    Could be worse I guess. I do try and talk to Annalise and Bethany. The former is a sweet girl, almost too nice for this Quadrant. Whereas Bethany is an interesting case. Either way I agree to help them both train after dinner tonight. 

    "What? We aren't enough for you anymore?" Garrick complains when I inform him of the slight change in plans.

    "Is that jealousy I hear Gare bear?" I tease. "'I'm only doing this because I need allies in the girls dorm, and I've noticed the way you look at Annalise." His cheeks flush red.

    "Front and center Sunfire." I groan. 

    "Seriously? They're going to be here in a few minutes."

    "I'll make it quick don't worry." I know he's purposely trying to provoke me. It works.

    "Fine." I take off the belt holding my two larger daggers, dropping it on top of my boots. 

    I get onto the mat where Xaden just slips his shirt off. My eyes go straight for the mark on his heart. I realize that the past day or two, the mark against my own chest has been on full display. I became so used to it, I didn't even remember it was there.

    We match. 

    "Weapons?" I question. 

    "Lets see if you can handle sparring first." My eyes narrow.  

    "Its me you won't be able to handle." I promise, and I move, he dodges. 

    Xaden is calculated, he always has been. But that advantage doesn't help him against me. We have fought each other far too many times. We dance around each other at the first, neither wanting to make the first real move.

    "We aren't getting any younger." Garrick remarks, and that seems to spark both of us into action. We trade punches and blocks in a blur of movement. For every hit he lands, I get my own. Perfectly balanced.

    I'm sure when I aim a kick to his ribs he'll be knocked off his center, but he fucking stops it. His hand gripping the area just below my knee pulling me forward. I'm standing on one foot, with my inner thigh pulled flush against his hip. I punch him in the face, followed by a hit to his rib with the other fist. He has to drop my leg to block his face, and the hit to the ribs land. He twists the hand he blocks behind my back, keeping it trapped between me and his chest.

    "Yield." He sounds so fucking cocky, and I drop my weight sliding down between his legs. 

    He doesn't expect it, and his reaction is just a second too slow. He's forced to let go of my arm, and once I'm behind him I kick him in the knee sending down as he's halfway through a turn to face me. I don't see his other leg coming, and he sweeps my own legs out from under me. We both land with a hard thud on the mat. 

    "Call it even?" I ask panting.

    "Deal." He says just as out of breath. He gets up first, and holds both his hands out for me. I take it letting him pull me up to my feet. 

    "If you're done. I thought we were here to train." Bethany's voice cuts through the room, and I smile apologetically to him as I move over to the girls. I run them through a few warm ups and watch as they run a combination I taught them. I sense Garrick's eyes on me as he walks over. His arm coming over my shoulder.

    He leans down a little. "Their form isn't half bad." He whispers. 

    I look up at him. "I'm their teacher, of course its going to be good." He laughs, and we whisper back and forth as we observe them. 

    "This would be more useful against someone." Bethany complains. She's not wrong. 

    "Garrick can help Annalise, and I can help you." I offer. She shakes her head.

    "We should both be training with guys. Odds are we'll be facing one of them on the mat."

    "Xaden." I call out hopefully to where he's working on a punching bag.

    "No." He says without looking our way. My silence gets to him because he looks over.

    "Please." He sighs and comes over.

    "What do you want me to do Sunfire?" 

    "Just let her run the attack on you a few times." He looks annoyed while on the mat, and its fair, this is definitely beneath him. Its honestly hilarious watching her fall down again and again. 

    Annalise does a little better, and by the fifth time, I see Garrick have to shift his stance. He gives her pointers, whereas Xaden stays silent.

    "Alright we can call it there." I declare, turning back to the weapons area. I wanted to sign up to earn my dual wielding and sword patches. 

    I don't mean to do it, but thanks to the runes in the armbands, I accidentally overhear Bethany talking to Xaden. 

    "You're so strong, I think I might need some one on one practice." Her voice has a flirty tone to it. I'm waiting for him to say yes, she's pretty, and clearly willing.

    "Defenseless girls aren't my type." I laugh and quickly cough to cover it up. Garrick gives me an odd look but doesn't question it.

    "And she isn't?" I assume she means Annalise or I. 

    "I don't know anyone who would call Avari defenseless." I sign my name on the sheet, as Garrick does the same.

    "You're wasting your time. Everyone knows as soon as she graduates King Tauri is going to marry her off to one of his sons." 

    "And you think this means I'll look your way?" His voice is eerily calm, and I don't need to be looking at him to know he's all but burning a hole through her.

    "All this loyalty for someone who all but signed your death warrant." I freeze, how did she know that.

    "What?"

    She laughs cruelly. "You don't know? My father is a court aide, he was there the day she suggested you all be forced to join the Riders Quadrant, and you be given all those pretty marks."

    Garrick bless his soul seems to have picked up on the fact that something is going on, because he just distracts Annalise on the side.

    "He also says that she spreads her legs for every-." Her words are cut off and there's a garbled sound.

    I whip around to find his hand around her throat. His voice is low, and I don't hear his reply over Garrick's shout.

    He drops her a moment after and immediately walks over to me. His entire demeanor is a barely contained rage, and I chance a glance back at Bethany. She looks pale and utterly terrified. 

    "You aren't helping her anymore." 

    In most cases I would argue, even if he was right. Mainly because he should know better than to order me around. This time though, I'll make it easy.

    "Okay." He looks a little surprised, clearly expecting a fight. "I don't always argue."

    "Yes you do." 

    "No I don't." 

    "You're doing it right now." He says amused, as the anger starts to fade from his face.

    "I'm not arguing, I am correcting you." My voice is teasing as it always is, and I watch as Bethany quietly slips out with Annalise.

    "Garrick." Who comes over as soon as his name is said. "If Avari didn't argue with you, what would you say?"

    "That it's a sign of the end of days." I roll my eyes.

    "You are both so dramatic."

    "You love us." Garrick says easily. 

    "I do," I admit, I always have.

    We head out, and start back towards the dorms. "So is someone going to tell me what happened over there or?"

    "That's all you." I say to Xaden. Not particularly wanting to be the one to tell Garrick that apparently half of the Navarrian court thinks I'm a whore.

Chapter Text

    Within the weeks leading up to challenges, we fall into a routine. We run in the morning, breakfast, class, lunch, gym, class, dinner, training. We did homework during meals and assignments in the evenings we didn't train. They also got assigned the shit jobs no one wanted. Which meant I volunteered for the same thing. All three of us ended up on breakfast duty, I hate it. 

    It was nice though having a steady routine. Most of the first years were still here, a few died on the training mat, and tomorrow, I might add to it. I had gotten the patches I had tried for. Professor Emetterio was impressed with me, and while he didn't explicitly say it, he was also impressed with Garrick and Xaden. A few days after we earned our patches, did the other guys in our squad do too. Male ego is an interesting thing. 

    Tonight, I was in the gym late with Annalise, helping her perfect her technique. She was worried for tomorrow, and she was so sweet, I couldn't say no. She was the bridge between the clear divide in our squad. The boys were in their dorm or getting laid. It was unclear. Truthfully, I'd rather not know about who Xaden is sleeping with, not while I have some sort of feelings for him. 

    I don't think anything of it when she heads back to the dorm with Bethany and Pierre, who's taken over training her. I get out some of my excess energy on a punching bag before calling it a night myself. I hear the faint sound of footsteps, and it has me feeling uneasy. I slip out a dagger from each side of my rib, palming them. I was right for it because as I'm halfway down the hallway, two people come out in front of me. Another two sets of footsteps echo behind me.

    "So what's happening here?" I question, glancing between the two groups. They're all guys, and I don't think they're here to kill me.

    "We just want to repay you for your kindness, beautiful." The two in front of me I recognize once they step closer to the light. The ones from the first day of classes.

    "Thought I said I like my men manly." I shoot back. "And haven't you suffered enough of an embarrassment when I pinned you to the door."

    "We thought you deserved your own turn." The look he gives me sends shivers through my body, and not in a fun way.

    They start walking towards me, as do the other two behind me. I send one knife flying for the mustache guy's throat. The unmistakable squish of a knife sinking into flesh fills the quiet hallway. He's choking on his own blood, and like an idiot he pulls the knife out. His body collapses, and the sound of metal hitting stone echoes. They all stop where they are. When it's clear no one hears it, they start to circle me. I throw the other dagger into one of the other guys' shoulder. 

    He screams when it cuts through his layers of muscles, ligaments, tendons, and whatever else is there. His friend rushes to his side, pulling his shirt off. He yanks the knife out and presses the shirt against the wound. 

    "This shit ain't worth our lives, man." He shouts as he helps his friend shuffle down towards the healing ward.

    "Just us." 

    "Less to share." He says easily.

    I have just enough time to draw the blades at my lower back before his own knife comes towards me. We go back and forth, and I hate to admit it, but he's skilled. He manages to slash my arm. I can't help the scream that escapes my throat. I retaliate by dragging my knife across his stomach, blood spurting out all over me.

    "You bitch." He spits out, pining me to the wall, both hands around my throat. My blades clatter to the ground. I force myself not to panic and claw at his hands. That won't work. Instead I focus on trying to grab a blade. My hand is covered in my blood, and my vision is starting to spot. I finally grab it, and go straight for his eye. He drops me, and I fall to my knees gasping for air. 

    "What is going on here?" I get up on shaky legs, a weapon drawn, only to go back down to my knees. I flinch at the hand that reaches for my injured arm. I didn't hear the person get closer, still trying to fill my lungs with air.

    "You're okay, look at me." I look up, and its the guy from Battle Brief, the one with the idiots friends. 

    "They are idiots." He agrees. Wait I said that out loud. "You did, you just need a second and your brain will right itself." I nod.

    "Okay." I manage to say, but it hurts to speak.

    "Don't talk." He orders. "Is it alright if I take a look at your arm." I nod, and his touch is gentle as he inspects it. 

    He rips off the bottom of his shirt and presses down, I hiss in pain. "Sorry sunshine." My face must betray my confusion at the nickname because he explains. "Cause your last name is Solaris, and you're like a ray of sunlight."

    I'm surprised no one else has called me that before. Its right there. 

    "We got to take you to healers." Where the other three are, who are going to be even more pissed off when they see me. "I won't leave you alone." He reassures. "Although by the looks of it, you can handle your own." He helps me stand, but my knees give out again, only this time he's there to catch me. "You okay if I carry you?"

    I sigh but nod. No way I could make it there while my body is still refusing to operate the way it should. I know its a combination of blood loss, shock, and the suffocation, but its frustrating. I've been tortured for Amari's sake, I shouldn't be affected by this.    

    He demands I be seen by Nolon, and he is immediately shut down and told I'm not as bad as the other two I sent here. So his friends did carry the one I stabbed in the eye here.

    Fuck my weapons. "You're worried about your daggers right?" I nod, this dude was shockingly good at reading body language. 

    "We'll go grab them." One of his two friends say. I barely noticed them moving the curtain to speak to him. I give them a thankful look, and they just smile my way. 

    "They'll also go get Selena, since she's your Wingleader." It's then I notice that he has patch that marks him as a Section Leader for Second Wing. I don't see his name anywhere. So, I point at the badge and then him. He looks puzzled for a second but put its together. "I'm Blake Northenson." I smile and Nolon walks in. He looks exhausted, and I do the action of writing something down. He passes me a pencil and a pad of paper. 

    Just stitch me up, you look exhausted, I can come by tomorrow and you can mend me.

    "Its fine Avari, you just happen to know exactly where to strike to do maximum pain without death." I grin, but tap back at the note, and look to Blake for help.

    He sighs, and shakes his head, but he can't hide the fond look on his face. "Something tells me she'll end up with her way anyway. I'll personally bring her back here during breakfast."

    Nolon let's out a noise of relief and nods. "Thank you dear." He takes his time with the stitches, and Selena alongside Blake's friends walk in. I write down a thank you, when they present me with all my discarded weapons. I resheath each one, feeling whole again. Selena dismisses them and Blake. 

    "I'll come find you in the morning sunshine." I nod, and Selena takes his seat.

    "I'll be right back with a salve for your throat."

    "You know Alastair did say you attract trouble. What happened?" She asks gently.

    Trapped me in the hallway to the dorms, I attacked. Killed one guy.

    "Yeah we already cleared out the body." 

    Injured another in the shoulder, his friend brought him here.

    "Yeah I saw them. You did good work, Winnifred told me you severed everything to the bone."

    Alastair made sure I was trained. Last guy got a lucky hit in, when I got him back, his rage took over. I got him in the eye before I was going to black out. Did he lose it?

    "He lost the eye." She confirms, pointing to one of the blades on my ribs. "That one did it." I grin.

    "Here we go dear." Selena takes it from him, and gently applies a thick layer to my throat. 

    "So what's this about Northenson finding you in the morning." She says it teasingly, and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. I shake my head.

    The only way to get Nolon to take a break was him promising to bring me here tomorrow morning.

    "You are exactly how Alastair described you." She says it fondly. "Every letter I get from him he asks about you." 

    He's worried.

    "No, well yes, but he misses you more." I miss him too. "He might even show up when I tell him about this." I give her a hopeful look and I know she nearly caves.

    Please don't tell him.

    "I promised him I would." I sigh but nod. "Come on let's get you back to your dorm." 

    She walks me down, telling me about her and my cousin. These two are so in love it was nauseating. I probably wouldn't find it this way if it were anyone else but my cousin, but alas. I fall asleep the moment my head makes contact with my pillow, and next thing I know Annalise is shaking me awake.

    "Thank the gods." She mutters letting me sit up. The other girls around us are looking at me with the same concern and questioning looks.

    "I'm fine." I say even though it comes out strained. It doesn't hurt like yesterday, but I'm not going to go out of my way to say more than I need too.

    "If you say so Vari. The boys are waiting for you, I can send them off." I shake my head.

    If she sends them off they'll just break down the door to get to me. I sigh and swing my feet down to the ground. I tuck the pad of paper and pencil into one of my pouches and head out. I'm barely two steps out before I hear the sharp intakes of their breath.

    "What happened?" Xaden demands as they guide me to the closest window. Like the sunlight is somehow going to help them get more answers. I take out the pad of paper, and show them what I had wrote last night. "Who was it?" 

    I'm not telling you.

    "Why?" He demands.

    Because you'll kill them.

    His eyes darken, and I know I'm right. "They deserve to die for coming after you."

    Not like this. It has to be on the mat or at Threshing.

    "Everything okay here?" They immediately move me behind them as Blake walks over.

    "He helped me." Its enough to have them back off and let him closer. 

    "You're looking about as good as I last saw you sunshine." I shrug, the bruises on my neck are in a variety of colour. "Come on Nolon is waiting." 

    "We'll take her." He doesn't walk away, and I realize he's waiting for my confirmation. I nod and he heads off, glancing back at us, his concern as clear as day.

    "Is it just your arm and throat." Garrick asks.

    I nod, as we head towards the Healers. I should've realized that the other two would still be here. 

    "Avari right over here dear." Nolon has me sit down on one of the beds and he unwraps my arm.

    He removes the stitches which hurt like a bitch. But Garrick is there holding my hand, as Xaden glares at the two from yesterday, and the guy's friend who walks in a few minutes after us. The mending itself doesn't take that long, and I'm used to the feeling. I stretch my arm a few times, and nothing feels off. 

    "Thanks Nolon." Thank the gods I can speak again. I glance towards the other two. "I'm okay." 

    "You could've died."  Xaden argues.

    "I didn't." He doesn't say anything else to me, just heads for the door and we follow. "So how mad do you think he's going to be?" I whisper to Garrick.

    "Not as mad as he will be when he makes me promise something you already covered." I wisely keep quiet. "You're really okay?"

    "I won." 

    "That's not what I asked."

    "I'm okay Garrick. I've gone through worse." I reassure, he grabs my arm stopping me.

    "What do you mean worse?" Of course that's the part Xaden hears, and now I have both of them pressing me. 

    "I don't want to tell you." I say quietly. "Please don't make me tell you." 

    "Avari, whatever it is, you need to tell us." There's a slight panic on both their faces.

    "Come on sweetheart, we promise we won't judge."

    "Its not that. Its just, I don't want you to feel guilty, or anything." I know Xaden, he'll blame himself for this. 

    "Avari." Xaden’s voice is like a warning. He's asking, and I have always been powerless in denying him.

    "There was a cost." Garrick eyes widen going back to our talk weeks ago. 

    "Avari what did they do to you?" It's the first time it's ever sounded like he's ordering me.

    "They didn't touch me in that way." I quickly say before they start jumping to conclusions.

    "Sunfire tell us please." Xaden's voice is stern, but borderlines begging.

    "We're going to miss breakfast." It's the only excuse I can muster, and they both look at me like I'm insane.

    "We really don't give a fuck." I give in. 

    "Maybe a week or two into staying in the Palace, King Tauri said that my uncle was in town, and that he wanted to meet me for lunch. So King Tauri had a carriage arranged." I hesitate to continue. I had planned on never telling them the details of how I earned the court's trust.

    "Keep going." Garrick urges.

    "The carriage was ambushed, and I was taken prisoner. When I woke up, I was blindfolded and tied to a chair. I'm not sure how long they kept me, Alastair estimates no longer than a month." Xaden is staring at me like the details of what happened will be revealed to him if he looks at me long enough. "They set it up to make it seem like Tyrrish soldiers had gotten me, the interrogation went on for hours at a time. They cut me open, waterboarded me, burned me, broke bones. They used every trick in the book to convince me that I was really in danger and in Tyrrish custody."    

    "How did you know you weren't?" Garrick asks.

    "Well first, no Tyrrish soldiers would be stupid enough to take me and not kill me immediately. They know it would come at the cost of their own lives, and I recognized one of the voices months later."

    "How did you get out?"

    "I did what my mom had taught me. Played the role of loyal Navarrian and partially shielded." My mom had trained all of us on how to shield and ground, but my dad he took it further. He taught me how to keep a partial shield, and sell my lies as truth. It required me to have two rooms to ground in. 

    It only worked because of the fact that Xaden’s room and mine were connected by the balcony, it was easy to picture in my mind. When I needed to sell my lies, I would ground without shields in my own room. When I needed a middle ground, it was the balcony. And when I needed to protect the truth and raise my shields, I was grounded in his room. The place that was safest to me.

    "Eventually once they realized they had gotten all they could out of me, there was a rescue. Next time I opened my eyes, Alastair was by my bedside, and there wasn't a single scratch on me."

    "You should have told me." Xaden isn't angry like I thought he'd be, it makes it so much worse. 

    "How bad was it really?"

    "I-" My need to protect them is being overwritten by the fact that they need to know. "It was bad. I didn't break, I know that for sure. I refused to eat or drink, I was ready to die. Near the end I was begging for them to end me already." 

    I don't expect them to pull me into a joint hug. It's nice, protective, safe. I cling back just as tightly. 

    "Anything else you're keeping from us." I shake my head. That really was the last piece. 

    "This was my burden to bear."

    "Avari, listen to me, you aren't alone anymore." Garrick says gently, cupping the side of my face. "You need to lean on us again."

    "I'm trying." I say softly. It reminds me of when I ended up in the Healers Hall from overworking. He told me the same thing then too. To lean on him.

    He sighs and nods, kissing the top of my head. "I know sweetheart." 

    "Xaden?" I question, he's been so silent. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

    He cuts me off. "You have nothing to be sorry for Sunfire. Nothing." I nod, shivers running down my spine as he stares at me so intensely it feels as though he's trying to reverse what was done to me. "Fucking hell Avari, you should have told them the truth."

    "You really think I'd cave just because I was being tortured. I made a vow Xaden, the day the Rebellion failed, your life for mine." 

    "You almost died. You wanted to die." He argues back. 

    "But I didn't die." I need a better argument then that, but it's really all I have right now.

    "Garrick." Fuck. "From now on Avari is your priority." I decide now is a good time to shut the fuck up.

    "About that." He says glancing over at me. I keep my eyes focused on the floor in front of me. "I think that maybe we should all calm down first and revisit this later."

    Xaden pieces it together far to quickly, looking between the two of us. "Are you serious right now?" He yells, and we both wince. "You're conspiring against me."

    "Not against you." I correct, which is a mistake cause now his anger is going to be directed right at me. "For you." 

    "You are not to leave my side." He orders. "I swear to Malek himself the moment you do I'll-"

    "Xaden, just take a breath." Garrick says. 

    "You don't start with me. You should have known better than to agree to any deal she proposed that put any life before her own." I sigh. 

    "Its not Garrick's fault and its not yours either. I was tortured to prove my loyalty and I did. Garrick made that promise to me because he knows if you die, everything everyone has suffered for will mean nothing." He's still angry, I'm torn between my own anger and exhaustion, and Garrick is clearly divided as to who he should be supporting here.

    "I should not have yelled." He's still angry, just less loud about it.

    "Its okay. I probably would have too if the situation was reversed." That gets a small smile out of him. "I should have told you the full details, I just didn't want you guys to go burn the Palace down to ashes."

    "Someone thinks highly of themselves." I give Garrick a look that shuts him up. 

    "You can't keep doing this Avari. Throwing yourself into danger, creating targets on your back, hiding things." 

    "I'm sorry." Xaden holds his arms out, in a motion I know means if I move to him, he'll hold me close.

    I do it, and his arms wrap securely around me. "Sunfire, you matter just as much as we do. None of this means anything, if we aren't all on the other side of it."

    "I'll try and remember that." He sighs but he doesn't push it. Garrick's stomach rumbling ruins the moment. We both laugh while he rubs his neck sheepishly. "If we hurry we can probably still grab something."

--------------------

    Things of course can never just be resolved peacefully, because when we hit the mats after lunch lo and behold who's squad we're up against. It's the two friends from yesterday. They both refuse to look in my direction, Xaden however is refusing to looking anywhere but them.

    "Are you serious right now." I whisper shout at him. "Let it go." He ignores me and I look to Garrick for help, but he's the doing the exact same thing.

    Men.

    If things couldn't be worse, Xaden and the friend of the one who's shoulder I fucked up are the very first fight. Before I can say anything Xaden has a feral expression on his face as he takes his shirt off. "You said on the mat Sunfire." Any argument I did have, falls flat. So I like all the others watch them take the mat. It's embarrassing how quickly Xaden has the guy in a chokehold. I don't hear what he says because Garrick covers my ears. 

    "I am not a child." I complain, knowing it comes out like a whine. 

    "so I shouldn't have to teach you about eavesdropping." I ignore him and focus back on fight. His opponent hasn't yielded yet, still convinced he can break out. Xaden locks eyes with me, and I see the anger reignite like a spark, and a loud crack resounds.

    "Riorson!" Professor Emetterio scolds but its too late his opponent is dead. Whispers break out as he gets off the mat and walks over to me.

    I'm careful to keep my voice low. "Was that necessary my shadow?" I say it sweetly, even though my intent is anything but.

    "Absolutely Sunfire." He has the audacity to smirk, this man. Gods. I don't think my luck can get any worse, but Zihnal seems to take it as a personal challenge.  When Garrick takes to the mat he's fighting the guy who's shoulder I tore apart.

    "Don't kill him." I order, but I know its pointless. The way he's positioned I know he's going to go straight for the throat. It'll be a quick death at least. I hear what he whispers before he strikes. 

    "You never should have gone after her." The guy can't even reply as Garrick's knife sinks into his throat. 

    "Tavis." Professor Emetterio shouts. "Off the mat." They’ll try and get the guy to a mender but he will bleed out long before they make it.     

    They stand beside me as we wait for my match. The message they send is clear, I'm off limits. "You both are impossible." 

    "Tough it out sweetheart." I'm not even a little annoyed if anything I'm amused. 

    My fight is quick, I put the girl I'm fighting on her ass within the first two minutes on the mat. I get a jewelled blade for my efforts. 

    Once dinner comes around, I finally get the chance to shower. I feel clean once I reach our table. I don't bother grabbing my own food, instead just taking Xaden’s fork from his hand.

    "Would you like my kingdom too while you're at it." He says dryly. 

    "Oh relax I'm just having a bite." I take two, just to annoy him, before passing it back to him. I scan the room looking for Blake and his friends. I owe them a proper thank you now that I can speak. I finally spot them in line. "I'll be right back." I don't give them the chance to reply before I make my way over. 

    "Well look who lived." Blake says teasingly, and his friends make space for me to come between them.

    "Did you really doubt I would."

    "Not at all." I can't stop the smile. 

    "I just wanted to thank you all for your help yesterday. You didn't have too, so thank you."

    He gives me an easy smile. "Nothing to thank sunshine." 

    The other two echo the sentiment, and I can feel Xaden’s eyes on me. "I'll see you around Northenson and idiots." 

    They laugh and nod. "Looking forward to it."

    The second I sit back down with my boys, Garrick is already grinning. "So what was that about not flirting?"    

    "What was that about not liking Annalise?" I shoot back.

    "Testy aren't we?" He mumbles, but wisely drops it. I lean against Xaden, letting my eyes shut.

    "No training tonight, you need rest." Xaden says after I nearly doze off against him.

    "I'm fine." I mumble not opening my eyes. 

    "You can't even open your eyes."

    "By choice." I regret sitting up and forcing myself to be awake. I am exhausted. 

    "I'll walk you down." I sigh but nod. We make it maybe half a hallway from the dining hall, when he picks me up.

    "I'm tired not handicapped." I argue, there's no one nearby so I don't bother escaping. He doesn't take us to the dorms, but instead through a door and up a staircase I have never seen before. It leads to another door, that reveals an open area. He lets me down in the center of the room. "Where are we?" I ask looking around. It's fairly spacious and empty.

    "Used to ring the bells here until some dragons complained." Based on the design it could definitely serve that purpose. 

    "And we're here because?" I am beyond confused as to what we're doing here.

    "Because you need to explain to me why you think your life doesn't mean anything." 

    "I don't think that. I just think its not the most important thing." Its the truth. 

    "Avari Solaris."

    "Xaden Riorson." He glares at me with no heat. "Sorry."

    "You used to talk to me." I sigh.

    "I don't mean to do it. To be like this. Its just the past four years, I've just been in a survival mode. My only focus was to survive, train, plan, and get back to you."

    He fills in the blank. "You don't know how to escape that."

    "I don't remember how to not be alone." I admit quietly. I was still trying to do everything alone. Even if I convinced myself I wasn't.

    He walks over and gently takes my hand in his. He walks us over to what looks like a balcony. I soften slightly, he found us a place like home. He doesn't say a word as we sit there. Staring up the sky, stars, and moon. We just exist, together, hand in hand. 

Chapter Text

    We enter September with blood on our hands and we're doing good in our classes, arguably the top students, all while not losing a single fight. Tonight we're training in the gym, hand to hand.

    "Why are we doing this again?" I ask Xaden as I take off my jacket, disarm my swords and two knives. 

    "Because you need to practice escaping being pinned." He says yet again, I've asked several times today in the hopes of annoying him into dropping it. 

    I glare at him, getting on the mat, my boots alongside my things. "I can escape just fine." 

    He walks over to me, his gaze is dark, the kind where I know he'd burn anyone to ashes if they pissed him off.

    "Not fast enough." I turn to Garrick who's training with the next weapon he wants to earn a patch for.

    "Don't look at me Vari, I know better than to pick sides." I glare at him, before I feel Xaden taking my hand.

    I turn back to look at him, and I'm surprised to find him wrapping my hands up before we spar. I hate wrapping my hands up, I always struggle with it. Always. I shouldn't be surprised that he noticed.

    "Thanks." I say softly.

    He squeezes my hand before wrapping the other. As I wait for him to do the same to his own, I sit and do my feet. No sense in risking injury in a friendly spar. Once he finishes, we take opposite ends of the mat. I take a breath, and before he can even react, I'm striking at him.

    Fighting with Xaden is always a rush. We know each other too well, able to guess what the other is going to do before they even start. So the only way to get an advantage is to do things he won't expect, and do the things he will when he least expects it. Its a dance, to a song only we can hear. We read each others movements like its all we've ever been taught to do. 

    So while my initial kick to his ribs surprises him, he reacts quick, grabbing my leg pulling me closer. He's gripping my thigh firmly, and it's pressing flush against him. I really should've learned the last time I tried doing the same move. I'm hyper aware of the angle, and how I should've worn pants instead of the shorts they give us to sleep in. Gods I need to focus. I barely register him sweeping my other foot until I make contact with the mats, he's nice enough to cushion my head from the impact, while his body keeps me pinned.

    "I hate you." He just grins, one hand pinning both of mine above my head. 

    "Only way you're leaving is by getting free." And I know he means it. 

    "Xaden, no one I fight comes even close to you, I can break their grip just fine."

    "Still doing this, so shut up and get me off you." I grin seeing the perfect opportunity. 

    "And what if the plan was to get you on top of me." I don't break our eye contact, and I catch the moment his breath catches. "Although I'll admit, I have always pictured it happening with nothing between us." 

    I don't even need to pretend right now. I'm just letting the feelings that have been running rampant out. The flirting is easy because of that, the looks, the tone, its all too natural, its all too real with him. 

    His hold loosens and I flip us over, and now I'm the one pining him down. I lean down to whisper in his ear. "I told you I was good at getting out of holds." I'm closer than necessary, but it's intentional, my lips brush against his skin, and then I'm back on my feet. Garrick looks our way, and I know he has questions about how easily I got out from under Xaden.      

    In fact the rest of the night, I beat Xaden in every round we run, he doesn't even get the chance to pin me to the mat again. Once we're the only three left Garrick comes over and drags Xaden to the side. 

    "Hey you said you knew better than to take sides." That gives him a slight pause.

    "Cover your ears." I look at him in disbelief. "Do it Vari." I sigh but do so. I feel like a fucking child ignoring their parents. He whispers something to Xaden. They go back and forth for a bit, and I pay it no mind. Garrick finally mimes uncovering his ears, and I do so.

    "For the record that was ridiculous."

    "Noted." I'm focused on undoing the wraps on my hands when I hear steps fade away, and I glance over to see Garrick leaving. 

    I look back at Xaden, who's simply watching me. "I meant it you know." The words are out before I even realize I'm saying it. Fuck it. "I've thought about it a lot, you and I, together."  I say it casually, even if my heart is threatening to escape my chest right now.

    I stand one leg, lifting the other to undo the wraps. Xaden walks over, and bends down, putting my foot on his thigh and untying it for me. He wordlessly does the other one too, and as I'm about to thank him, he puts me on my back again. 

    "Let me guess I get to leave when I escape." 

    "That's right." We spend every night for the next week, just like this. Me pinned below him, trying to escape.

    He enjoys it far too much, but eventually I manage to do it three times in a row. It's only then he relents, only to move onto two on one fighting. Every match we switch, so all three of us have experience fighting two on one.

    Garrick and Xaden against me has me fighting for my life. They fight the same way, although Garrick fights with more offense, and Xaden fights more calculated. I get my ass handed to me just as much as I take them down.

    Xaden and I against Garrick always has him exhausted by the end. While they fight the same, Xaden and I are balanced, when he strikes one way, I'm covering his side, and vice versa. Any hit Garrick lands on either of us, never occurs twice. It pushes him, of that I'm sure.

    When Garrick and I go against Xaden it's the same thing, while Garrick and I aren't as in sync, as Xaden and I, we both know how to exploit his weaknesses. It's the most challenging training I go through, and it's the same for them.

    I'm in early tonight, I wanted to get some practice in with the crossbow, before I'm tested tomorrow for my patch. Garrick and I have both made it a mission to gain recognition with as many weapons as possible. I've finished target practice, only off by a hair for a few targets, but I know I'll pass.

    I glance to the doors, but they still aren't here. I debate going to find them when I spot Blake with the same two friends. We make eye contact, and I give him a small wave, about to turn back to the range, when he grins and starts walking over. 

    "Hey sunshine, you going for the crossbow next?" I nod in confirmation.

    "I am, they're testing me tomorrow."

    He grins, and I can't help but feel warm inside. "You'll get it" he says.

    I glance back at the door, and my idiots still aren't here. "You know, I'm in need of a sparring partner, if you'd be interested." He gestures to one of the empty mats.

    "After you." I don't hide my gaze as he takes his shirt off, fuck he's hot. Gods above he could even give Xaden a run for his money.

    I take one end of the mat, slipping off my swords and knives, making a small pile on the ground. "First to three points?" I ask.

    "Works for me, if its a clear kill position that's a point." I nod in agreement. We weren't using weapons, but there were times where it was clear it would be a kill if we were. 

    We circle each other on the ring, our eyes tracking each movement, the air has something to it, and the world fades away, all that exists is him and I.

    He goes for my face, and I drop out of the way, going to swipe his feet out from under him. To my surprise he doesn't go down, instead he jumps avoiding me. I'm up and across from him, and we're back to circling each other. "I've seen you do that one before." He says addressing my confusion.

    I grin. "And here I was thinking you'd be like everyone else." I'm attacking him right after that. I feign going for his face, and as he raises his arms to defend, I go for his ribs. I hear his breath catch from the impact, and don't anticipate the punch he gets on my jaw. I stumble back, and strike his throat, I get him dead center.

    Between his coughs he gets a word out. "Point"

    "Come on Blake you're making us look bad." He gets the next point by tackling me to the ground, and my head slams down disorientating me long enough for his hands to go around my throat. That seems to be the go to move for a lot of the guys I fight.

    "Point." I say, and he immediately let's me go, and pulls me to my feet. I don't miss the fact that he didn't apply any pressure to his hands around my neck. I wonder if he did it because he thought I was weak or because he didn't want to make me think back to that night. I'm a second too slow out of a turn, too focused on my thoughts, and he has my arm pinned behind my back. I'm aware of how warm he feels as I yield again. "Another point." I admit.

    It's this round I go against my instincts of keeping space between us. I was right too, because he doesn't expect me to get up close and personal, the crack of his nose tells me as much. "Point." He says as he holds his nose to keep from anymore blood coming out. 

    "Shit sorry." I say, not meaning to break his nose.

    "Its not a problem. Gray's got this." His friend, the redhead, comes over and I watch as he mends it.

    "Oh right second years, you all have signets."

    "Yup, Gray is a mender, Bruce is a fire wielder." I look at him expectantly.

    "And what are you?"

    "Gotta win to know that." I grin, rising to the challenge. 

    "You're on." We circle each other again, and his friends have stopped their own match to sit and watch ours.

    I give in to my urge to not hold back. I move quick, not hesitating once in my movements. This time when I sweep the leg, he goes down to his knees, and I have him in a chokehold. He tries and shakes me off, and when that doesn't work he tries and slams me back onto the mat. I have no choice but to get on his shoulders or risk being crushed. 

    He stands with me on his shoulders trying to choke him out, but the angles bad. With all the movement I'm trying not to fall as he reaches for me, and than the worse idea I've ever had comes into my head. I drop my weight back and to the left, and it works it sends us spinning, I land on my feet, while he crashes hard onto the mat.

    I'm on top of him in a heartbeat, pining him down with my legs and hips, hand to his throat. "Say it." I say amused.

    He's not mad like I'd expect, instead he looks more like he's impressed. "Fuck point." 

    I laugh as I get up, offering my hand to pull him up. He takes it and once he's standing, he's looking me over. "Relax you didn't do as much damage as I did to you."

    He laughs, and I delight in the sound. Most fights with any guys outside of Garrick and Xaden. The guy is pissed off or says they gave it to me or says I got lucky. Blake however he takes it for what it is; a loss.

    "Oh you definitely bruised my ego." He catches his shirt from where Gray tossed it. "Gods I don't think I've ever had to fight that hard since my first fight."

    "I'd say I was sorry, but that'd be a lie." I tease. 

    He just grins. "I believe I owe you an answer." I nod excitedly. He pulls out two of his knives, and holds them out to me hilt first.

    I look at him questioningly but take them. I get a feel for it, and I'm instantly in love with them. Each one is perfectly weighted, and the hilt is shaped in a way that best supports my go to grip. My only problem with it, is that they're smaller than I would want. Then to my complete surprise they get larger until they reach the exact length I'd want them to be. I look between them and him in shock. 

    "Did you change their size?" I question, because I've seen metallurgist work up close, and this wasn't that.

    He looks at me surprised but nods. "Yeah most people think I'm a metallurgist."

    "That's amazing." I whisper, switching between a reverse grip and normal one, these are incredible. 

    I almost don't give them back. Still I hold them out, and he just grins and shakes his head. "Keep them,"

    I immediately decline. "No I can't,"

    "They're better suited for you, and you did technically win them off me." 

    "Thank you." I say softly. I switch them out with my other knives, and look back up at him. "You know this means I might start sparring with you all the time."

    "I'm looking forward to it sunshine." 

    "Avari you done making friends yet?" I whip around to see Garrick and Xaden looking at me. Garrick looks amused and I just know he's going to tease me, especially about the knives. Whereas Xaden looks pissed off. 

    "I'm coming." I shoot back annoyed. I turn back to Blake. "Thank you again."

    "Don't mention it, same time tomorrow." I nod not even realizing what he had said until afterwards. 

    I make my way to the boys. "What the fuck was that?" Xaden demands.

    "You guys were late and I wanted to spar." I defend, not sure why. I had told him I wanted him, and he hadn't even said anything back.

    "Lets see the daggers." I pass them to Garrick who inspects them.

    "These are well crafted, better than anything else you have." He mentions before handing them back, he's not wrong, my uncle had offered to get me new weapons, but I wanted the ones I had salvaged from my former home. My dad had made them for me.

    "I know." I say excitedly. "They're perfect, almost like they were made for me." 

    "Mat now." Xaden interrupts. I frown but do as he says, when he draws his own sword, I take my newly given blades out. These would be able to take the strikes from his sword. He looks concerned by the fact that I've chosen them as my weapon but I grin and don't hold back.

    I dodge and counter every one of his attacks. Turns out all I needed was the right made weapon. I have one knife at his throat, while the other holds off his sword. He stares in shock, because every other time we do this, I always lose. He doesn't say a word to me for the rest of the night.

    I'm beyond confused, like truly confused, so when morning comes I drag him to a secluded corner while everyone else is at breakfast. Garrick just keeps himself positioned at the end of the hallway, out of earshot, but within eyesight. 

    "The fuck is your problem?" I demand staring him down. 

    "My problem is you." He growls. 

    "What?" I question, confused and angry. "Why? Because I sparred with someone else?" I see a slight flash in his eyes that tells me I'm on the right track. "That is the stupidest reason-" I'm cut off when he pins me to the wall. 

    I go to push him, but it just gives him the opportunity to pin both my hands above my head with one hand. Its like we're on the mats all over again.

    "You were flirting." He says voice low. 

    "You don't get to be jealous Xaden. I let you know how I felt, and you didn't even acknowledge it." I snap back. 

    I swear his gaze darkens, as he moves closer to me, his head lowering to my ear. "Watch yourself Sunfire." He warns. "The only reason I haven't acknowledged it yet is because we're still unbonded. The second we are, you'll know exactly where I stand." His words sound like a threat but they feel like a promise.

    "Then until that moment, you don't get to be mad if someone else shows an interest in me." I say firmly.

    He nods, and pulls back, we're still close, and I'm still pinned to the wall. He looks like he's fighting a battle in his mind, but he lets me go. I can't resist the chance to make this harder for him. So as we head back to Garrick, I lean up and press a kiss against his cheek, by the corner of his lips.

    He grabs my wrist, the warning clear. I only grin, now I have a new game to play. During the class we have with Blake he's downright possessive an arm securely around my waist, glaring him down the whole time. Blake can't even see his arm around my waist. That's a show just for me. I pretend not to notice either boy, and Garrick finds the whole thing far too amusing. 

    It's a good distraction from all the people trying to kill us.

    The target on me is not as bad anymore, especially during the day. Their killing of the two guys that came after me saw to that. Still it was public knowledge. The easiest way to get to any of us was through each other. While we were a threat in each of our own rights. There was always some idiot who wanted to try their luck.

    I had to make my own statement when someone tried to stab Xaden in the middle of the hallway. It was right after class ended and the halls were flooded with everyone making their way to lunch. I saw the flash of a blade, and pushed him out of the way. The dragon scales in my corset protected me, the dagger just bouncing off. I didn't hesitate to throw a punch. It quickly became a fight that ended with some random asshole's blood on my hands. I had slammed his head into the ground so hard it cracked open. I slid my knife through the opening watching the light fade from his eyes.

    When someone tried to kill Garrick, gods, that one was the most gruesome murder. A guy attempted to jump him in the washroom, but Bruce was there and one quick show of flames sent him slinking off. That night Xaden dragged him out of the dorms and we took him out to the tree by the river. We tied and gagged him to the base. We argued for half an hour as to how to kill him, but I won that. I voted that we make an example of it.

    There was no reason to go after Garrick. Xaden was the son of Fen Riorson and I was a Solaris. Those were reasons to kill us, but Garrick he was just guilty of association. So we cut the guy open, and pulled his intestines out. It was carefully done to spill the least amount of blood, so he'd stay alive. Than we headed back in. 

    The next morning some poor first year found the mutilated body. Over night different animals smelled the blood, and came for a midnight snack. It was a horrific scene, I heard professor Devera even threw up at the sight. Blood and flesh everywhere, bodies parts scattered, served him right.

    Garrick upon finding out looked at both of us. "Do I even want to know who's idea it was?"

    "Love you Gare bear." His smile made it all worth it.

    "Love you too sweetheart." 

    It worked though because after that the attacks came to a stop. 

--------------------

    Today came a new challenge, the Gauntlet. 

    The whole squad just stares at it. I mean I had a rough idea of what it looked like, Alastair had described it to me. The zigzagging death trap of a trail rises above us, climbing in five distinct switchbacks of 180-degree turns, each increasing in difficulty on the way to the top of the bluff that divides the citadel from the flight field and the Vale. But seeing it with my own eyes, he did not do it justice. 

    "I'll go first." I declare, as daunting as it was, I had something to prove here.

    "Ah yes, your father won the Gauntlet patch the year he ran the course didn't he?" Professor Emetterio says as he walks over to our squad.

    "Yes sir. I plan on following in his footsteps." I needed to earn it. To have that piece of him to carry with me.

    He nods and turns to address everyone. “It’s called the Gauntlet because this is the cliff that guards the Vale.” 

    "I can't wait to start." Pierre whispers to Bethany, who looks terrified. She's been smart, sleeping with different guys in our squad. It got them to train her, got her some protection. That won't help her here though. The only way she makes it through the Gauntlet, is on her own.

    “As you know, hand-to-hand challenges are on hold for the next two and a half weeks before Presentation so you can focus here.” Professor Emetterio flips a page on the little notebook he carries. “Avari, you’re up first. Then Xaden, Garrick, Annalise, Bethany, Anthony, Alic, Pierre, and Martin.” 

    A smile curves the harsh line of his mouth as he finishes calling out every name in our squad, and we file into order. “You’re the only squad to remain intact since Parapet. Well done, let's see now if you survive the Gauntlet intact. Wait here for a second.” He walks past us, waving at someone high up on the cliff.

    No doubt that someone has a watch. I don't know my dad's exact time, but I know he got the Gauntlet patch. It was enough motivation for me.

    “Here we go!” Professor Emetterio walks to the head of our line. “You’ll get your time at the top of the course, if you make it, but remember, you’ll still have nine practice sessions before we rank you for Presentation in two and a half weeks, which will determine if the dragons find you worthy at Threshing.”

    “Wouldn’t it make more sense to let first-years start practicing this thing right after Parapet?” Bethany asks. “You know, to give us a little more time so we don’t die?”

    “No,” Professor Emetterio replies. “The timing is part of the challenge. Any other questions?” No one replies.

    He then lifts his hands toward the course and flicks his wrist, pointing at various obstacles.

    The fifteen-foot log at the start of the uphill climb begins to spin. The pillars on the third ascent shake. The giant wheel at the first switchback starts its counterclockwise rotation, and those little posts they all twist in opposite directions.

    “Every one of the five ascents on this course is designed to mimic the challenges you’ll face in battle.” Professor Emetterio turns to look at us, his face just as stern as it is during our usual combat training. “From the balance you must keep on the back of your dragon, to the strength you’ll need to hold your seat during maneuvers, to”—he gestures upward, toward the last obstacle that looks like a ninety-degree ramp from this angle—“the stamina you’ll need to fight on the ground, then still be able to mount your dragon at a second’s notice.”

    “What if we can’t make it up?” Annalise asks from somewhere behind me. “What’s the alternative route?”

    “There’s no alternative. If you don’t make it, you can’t get to Presentation, can you? Take your position, Avari,” Professor Emetterio orders, and I move to the beginning of the course. “After she makes it past the first obstacle, the rest of you will start every sixty seconds. And…go!”

    I take a breath and I'm off. Gods Alastair really did know what he was doing when he trained me. My feet practically glide over the single log spinning parallel with the cliff face and then the raised pillars. It takes me five rotations inside the wheel before I finally jump through the lone opening, I need to get that together for Presentation day. The balls have me slightly worried but I run and jump. I'm slower than I'd want to be getting across. Once I'm on solid ground again there's the metal rods. Those are easy, Alastair made me master these blindfolded. From the last bar I jump and nearly fall from the series of shaking pillars. I move quick and jump down onto the gravel catching my breath. The other logs are just as easy, and I sprint up them like its just another set of stairs. 

    I am catching my breath when I face the chimney thing. "You good Sunfire?" I hear Xaden shout. 

    "Fine." I yell back. Before sprinting forward and jumping upwards, making an X formation with my body. If I survive Presentation I owe Alastair a cake, and am going to suggest he starts a business training people for the Riders Quadrant. I make it to the top, and its just the final obstacle. The vertical ramp. This one I have in the bag, I know that because Alastair made me practice on a bigger one. I run, jump, and pull myself up, in a fluid movement. Like I've been doing it my entire life. 

    "Hey sunshine." I glance over to see Blake with a stopwatch. 

    "Hi, why are you here?" I gratefully take the bottle of water he tosses me.

    "I volunteered." I shake my head amused.

    "You just wanted to get out of paperwork." He laughs and nods. We've been sparing together regularly and I've gotten to know things about him.

    "You know me too well." I sit there at the top watching the rest of my squad make their way upwards. "You haven't asked."

    "I don't want to know it yet. All that matters is how fast I am on Presentation day."

    "All that really matters is getting to the top." He corrects gently.

    I shake my head tucking my knee to my chest. "Not to me. My dad he earned the Gauntlet badge his year, and I want to earn it too. Its stupid but then its like he's still here with me." 

    "That's not stupid, its human." I smile, not that he can see. I let my mind wander as I wait for Xaden.

    "Question."

    "Answer." I smile.

    "Those guys that attacked me, the ones Garrick and Xaden killed. I've been thinking about it, someone had to have had set that up."

    "That's not a question sunshine." He says amused. 

    "I'm getting there asshole." There's no heat in my words. "Do you think Selena arranged it?"

    "It wasn't her." I turn to face him, catching the change in his tone. 

    "It was you? Why? How?" The questions flow out of me. 

    "Its not because I don't think you can't hold your own." He says and I feel exposed. "When I saw you in that hallway, it was the first time I ever saw you without Riorson or Tavis."

    "That's not an answer Northenson."

    He rolls his eyes amused. "I'm getting there sunshine." His voice is teasing. "Those guys were clearly waiting for the opportunity to catch you without them. I thought it was only right they experience what it would have been like if they were with you." 

    "How did you even manage to make it happen?"

    He nods back down to where professor Emetterio is sending people off. "That part was easy, you're his favourite. All I did was mention what happened and that they might benefit from a good fight, he did the rest."

    "You barely knew me, why do that for me?" He shrugs like it was no big deal. As a Section Leader especially one out of my own wing, he shouldn't be interfering. He could get in trouble if someone realized what he did. 

    "I could tell what kind of person you are." 

    "And what kind is that?"

    "The kind that deserves to be cared for." 

    My reply is cut off when a few seconds later Xaden is over the edge.

    "What happened to your arm?" I ask quickly moving to his side, pulling out the spare wraps in one of my pouches.

    "One of the logs." I sit him down, and tend to the wound. The blood made it seem worse than it was, in reality is was just the skin that tore. 

    I wrap it up all the same, as we wait for Garrick to come over. Almost like I summoned him, he's pulling himself over, out of breath.

    "I hate those ball things." I toss him the bottle of water the Xaden just finished with. He downs the rest.

    We sit and watch the rest of the squad attempt to make it to the top. As we're about to head back down and inside, I pause and look back at Blake.

    "Blake," he looks up at me. "Thank you." 

     The next two sessions no one else makes it either. By the fourth Annalise makes it as does Pierre, and Garrick looks so relieved she does. By the fifth so does everyone else. The last four sessions are just us working on the parts we have the most difficulty with. I spend a whole session between the wheel, and logs that shake. I make sure that I know the speed, duration, and intensity of how they move like the back of my hand. Its on the last session I take out a blindfold, only for Xaden to yank it from my hands.

    "Do you have a death wish?" 

    "Its how Alastair trained me, to prove I knew it he'd make me run a drill blindfolded."

    "A drill." Garrick stresses. "Not the whole course." 

    "Fine babies." I mutter, taking my place at the front of the line. Once I reach the top, Blake just rips a piece of paper off his clipboard and folds it, handing it to me.

    "For when you want to know." I take a seat and wait for Xaden to reach me.

    Once he sits down beside me, I wordlessly hand it over. He reads it to himself, and once he folds it again do I speak.

    "Well?" I'm worried I might not be fast enough. I know Garrick and Xaden have both run the course in under six minutes. Professor Emetterio says the fastest anyone has ever run it was in four minutes and nineteen seconds. 

    "Under five." I turn to look at him in disbelief.

    "Are you serious?" 

    "About what?" Garrick asks walking over, I didn't even hear him come over.

    "Read it yourself." Xaden passes him the paper.

    "Under five minutes." He says excitedly for me.

    "Gods I might really get the patch." They both nod and I rush to Garrick, who spins me around in a tight hug.

    "Want to know the exact time?" I shake my head.

    "Save it for Presentation day." Last thing I need is to get in my head about it.

    We all sit on the edge, feet dangling as we watch Bethany still struggle across the logs. 

    I lean back, letting the sun warm my face. I'm going to make you so fucking proud of me dad. Just you watch.

Chapter Text

    It's Presentation Day, which also means Gauntlet Day, and the last set of challenges before Threshing.

    We don't eat anything at breakfast, but Xaden has me sit at the table. He stands behind me braiding parts of my hair, and pulling it all back into a ponytail. I'm surprised he remembers how to do it. Back home both he and Garrick have both been roped into helping me get ready countless time. It's sweet that he remembers how to do my hair. 

    I grab three muffins before we leave, stuffing them into different pouches. Last thing we need is Garrick's stomach rumbling while surrounded by dragons.

    We're all outside in a huge crowd, the noise doesn't bother me as much as it did the first day. I've figured out how the rune works, once I bond and start channelling it'll be even easier though. Once our squad is called up, we get into the same order we've always run the Gauntlet in, only for our Squad Leader to send us three to the end.    

    "I'll go last." They don't argue, and I'm relieved. I know they'll clear the obstacles without issue, which means they won't mess my time up.

    It also because one of us needs to make it through, and if I don't, well I trust my two friends to do something idiotic about it. Not that I would be any better. I'd see the job through, but once it was done, I'd run to Malek's gates. Garrick goes first. As we wait the sixty seconds for Xaden to go, he grabs my hand giving it a squeeze.

    "I'll see you up there." It's not a question, it's a statement, a promise.

    "You will." I echo back, and then its his turn. We've run the Gauntlet as many times as we possibly could. I know each of us could do it, but it only takes one misstep to cost everything. I try my best to focus again, and once I start running, all I know is that I have to make it to the top. My feet fly over each obstacle, and again I'm relieved for all the training my cousin gave me. 

    I barely register crossing half the obstacles until I'm running to climb up the wall, I commit to my movements, and am pulling myself over as they read my time. Garrick and Xaden are staring at me stunned, and I look at them questioningly.

    "You didn't hear the time did you?" Garrick asks as I walk over to them.

    I shake my head. "Was it that bad?"

    "Sunfire, I don't see anyone beating it." We're cleared out as the next squad is called up. As we wait with the rest, I pull a muffin out for Garrick.

    "Eat." I order, before passing one of the others to Xaden. I tear pieces off my own to eat. 

    Our entire squad survived the Gauntlet, remaining the only one intact. I can feel it though, Presentation is changing that. We're the squad with the fifth fastest time overall, and I claim the Gauntlet patch over some guy in First Wing, who glares at me the whole time.

    I didn't dare hope to gain it, but now that its in my hands, I just feel all the closer to my dad. Blake is the one to give it to me with a smile so bright it rivals the sun.

    "I knew you'd do it sunshine, with the all impressive time of four minutes and thirty-seven seconds." Garrick and Xaden hoist me on their shoulders, as our squad cheers for me winning the patch. For a moment we are a unified squad.

    We don't have to wait long for our turn to walk the box canyon that makes up the training field. Its honestly spectacular in the early afternoon sun, with miles of autumn-colored meadows and peaks rising on three sides of us as we wait at the narrowest part, the entrance to the valley. The leaves of the trees are all turning gold, as though someone has brought in a paintbrush with only one color and streaked it across the landscape. I want to sketch the view almost as much as I want to draw the dragons. Averaging twenty-five feet tall, they’re in a formation of their own, lined up several feet back from the path still all too close to torch us though.

    We're told to get into formation, and I position myself behind both of them, only for them to put me in front. I give them a glance, but considering we're the last three in the line I don't fight it. Alic is in the front, and he motions for me to join him, but I pretend to not see it as were led away. Selena herself is taking us alongside her executive officer, Jason Everthorne.

    She trails back, and I slow my pace so there's space between Annalise and I who's in front of me.

    "I never thanked you for what you did." I say softly. "Putting us all in the same squad. Thank you." She didn't just take them, she also put all their biggest threats in the same squad. 

    "It was easy once I said I'd take the Marked Ones, they let me take anyone else I wanted." She says it with a bright smile, and I can see why my cousin fell in love with her.

    "Still, thank you, I'm looking forward to the day we become family." Her cheeks flush, but she doesn't deny it.

    "Here for you." She says passing me an envelope as we pass through a darker area. "From Alastair."

    I recognize his writing on the envelope, he always made the first letter of my name extra fancy, the way he did his own. 

    I feel tears pricking at my eyes as I tuck it away. Out of everyone in my family, I was closest to him. Having this, it fills me with a sense of relief. Knowing that he was still thinking and most likely worrying about me. She's gone before I can thank her, and I know for a fact that I love her. If Alastair ever breaks her heart I'm going to kick his ass.

    "Alright best of luck." Jason says from the front of the line. "Stay on the path. You walk up, you wait for the entire squad, you walk back down. You can't fuck it up.” He turns and heads over to a path before the canyon wall where the dragons are perched. We follow, breaking away from the crowd of first-years. 

    "So Alastair wrote to you." Garrick says from behind us. I nod, ignoring the urge to turn around. 

    "Yeah, the second we're done here I'm finding a spot to read it." I smile thinking back to the day I left. "It'll be nice to hear from him, even if its just a letter."

    The line starts, and we give one another the suggested seven feet before following. I try to ignore the smell of sulfur, I've never enjoyed it. We pass dragon after dragon, talking quietly between the three of us. They talk about their foster families, Xaden mentioning Liam a few times. We are so lost in our own conversation that we don't even realize that we've been watched by every dragon until someone points it out.

    "How are we supposed to get their attention when they keep watching the traitors and their whore." I freeze slightly, not because of the comment but because I know Garrick and Xaden are going to do something.

    "Leave it." I say firmly, followed by the sound of weapons resheathing behind me.

    "Yeah listen to your bitch." Before anyone can react a brown dragon torches Anthony where he stands. We all freeze where we are. The dragon turns to us, circling where we are, putting space between us and the others. 

     "Are you serious. They won't want her once they realize how much she spreads her legs." Mutters Bethany when the brown comes and nudges me gently. 

     Her screams cut through the air, as she's stabbed through by a blue daggertail. Her body goes soaring through the air before a large jaw snaps her up. The dragon is beautiful, that's all I can think when it's gaze snaps our way, her eyes travel over me before looking behind. The brown stays off to the side, and I chance a glance back.

     Joy fills me for them. These dragons, they're interested in each of them. I don't even feel bad for myself, I'm just so fucking relieved that odds are they will bond. Although they have a clear interest in the boys, they both start sniffing my ribs. I'm embarrassed by how long it takes me to connect the dots.

     "You can smell Plex." The realization hitting me. "My cousin's dragon, he gave him his scales to protect me."

     Eventually they back away, and we continue on, finishing Presentation, with two less squad members than we started. As we leave, I feel it, some type of pull, whatever dragon is meant for me, they haven't made themselves known yet, but they're out there.

     We're allowed to head back in as the rest of the groups head for Presentation, and I head for the Parapet. I sit hidden between the stone walls at the end of the parapet, where I had jumped down, and secured my fate soaking wet.

     I take the letter out and for the briefest second hesitate before reading it.

     So its your favourite cousin don't try and deny it Avari, we both know its true.

     Selena tells me you've been one of the top cadets everyday without fail, she's amazing right. Don't tell her but I already have a ring, once she graduates I plan on proposing, I hope she says yes.

     She has also told me about the incident, I'm proud of how you defended yourself. Gods know if I was there I'd have killed them myself, sounds like your boys have it under control though.

     I know you're probably wondering why I didn't write earlier, two reasons.

1. I didn't want to throw your focus
2. I wanted it to mean something to you when you read what I write

     Threshing will be the hardest day for you. Which means you don't let you guard down with anyone. Not until you bond a dragon. I'm serious, not even with Garrick and Xaden.

     I know that goes against every instinct you have, and I don't care. You need to live Avari, and that means not being caught unaware. Sometimes the worse attacks come from your closest friends. 

     I would know.

     I wish I could be there, to see you off before you risk death, to hug you, to tell you face to face how fucking proud I am of you, but all I have is this letter.

     So pretend I'm talking to you and take my words to heart.

     You, Avari Solaris, are my little sister, and I am so fucking proud of you, for everything you've accomplished. All I ask is that you live, because I won't survive losing you, and neither will our family.

     You are strong, kind, stubborn, reckless, hot-headed, sarcastic, loyal, and a force to be reckoned with. You are your parents daughter, a true Solaris, and you carry your family legacy with an assurance that no one else could ever manage. 

     You will survive, I know it, as long as you stay true to yourself. I love you, and I expect to get a letter from you after you survive Threshing. 

     I believe in you, Avari. Not because you are a Solaris but because you're you. You have always been self assured in who you are and what you stand for, any dragon would be stupid to turn you down.

     I'm going to stop here before Plex starts lecturing me about my worry again. He's proud of you too. I know you'll live, but gods its scary knowing you'll be going out there, and I won't be able to stop anything from going wrong.

     You are my sister Avari, and I love you so fucking much, so please survive.

     Love your brother, Alastair 

     I sit there reading it again and again. It's exactly what I need to hear, and I'm filled with longing. To see him, because knowing that he sees me as his little sister makes me realize all the ways he's been my older brother. He was the one who took a shit position for two years to train me for the Quadrant. The one to stay up late with me when my thoughts were too loud. The one who would put me first again and again. 

     He isn't just my cousin. He is my brother.

     I'm hit with just how much I miss him, and barely register the tears. Xaden is the one who spots me, and they both jog over to me. They don't say anything as they sit up with me, both against the opposite wall of me. Garrick on the side closest to the open space of the parapet, and Xaden on the other side of me.

     "Sorry, I didn't mean to be gone for so long." I say quietly, feeling guilty for making them worry. 

     "Nothing to be sorry for." Garrick reassures. 

     "He called me his sister." I say softly. "I didn't realize how much he cared about me until now. How much he took the time to understand me. I've never had that with anyone but you both." 

     They don't say anything, and they don't have too, I know they understand why this affects me so much. I have spent years feeling alone, only to now be shown that it wasn't as bad as it could've been. 

     "I have to make it through Threshing." I say firmly. "I have a letter to write." They both nod, and I know, that I will make it through. For them and for Alastair. For my family, for them. I will not just survive but thrive.

--------------------

    The day before Threshing is a packed one. We each spend an hour before breakfast writing letters. 

    Xaden’s are to Bodhi and Liam.

    Garrick doesn't tell me who he writes his to, and I don't push it. That's for him.

    Mine are for Bodhi, Blake, and two for Alastair. 

    We all write ones for each other, in the event that we don't survive. It's Threshing and the reality is anything could happen.

    I find Selena and tell her about them. Asking that if something happens to me, she gets them from the hidden internal pocket of my pack. She agrees easily, and takes one of letters I write for Alastair, promising to send it first chance she gets. 

    The rest of the day the three of us spend together. We reminisce about our childhoods, our families, and home. We talk about everything and anything, we just exist, us against the world. When we go to train that night, we take it easy, going over anything we're unsure of. When I spar with Blake, he and his friends give us tips. There's a weight in the air, but I refuse to be scared.

    Death has been trying to come for me for years. Malek never lets it, I put my faith into that. We agree to an early night, and I'm in the dorm packing when Annalise comes up to me. 

    "Can we talk?" She says unsure.

    "Yeah of course." I wonder if she's finally going to ask me if Garrick is into her. We head outside, out of the view and earshot of everyone else.

    "I overheard something you should know." She gets straight to the point, and now I'm worried.

    "From who?" 

    "The guy you blinded." I nod for her to continue. "Tomorrow, he plans on hunting you down, and killing you to impress a dragon."

    "Yeah I was kind of expecting someone to want to kill me tomorrow." I say easily, about to head back in.

    "Its not just that." She says grabbing my arm. "He has a group, they said before they kill you, they want to hold you down and take turns." 

    Oh. 

    "Who else knows?" Xaden and Garrick can't know this. They wouldn't dare leave me alone tomorrow. They could risk their chance at getting bonded for me.

    "Just you and I." I nod grabbing her arms.

    "Listen to me. No one else can know." 

    She protests because this is every girl's fear. "Garrick and Xaden, they can protect you."

    I shake my head. "They can't know. If you want Garrick to live, to bond to a dragon, he cannot know." 

    Slowly she nods. "Are you sure?" 

    "I am." 

    We head back inside, and I finish packing. I'm moving on autopilot. I've seen the guy with a few others. I'd be up against maybe five of them, seven max. Those were terrible odds. I could maybe take on three or four, but seven, I'd lose that fight. I know if I try and sleep right now it won't happen. So I slip out, and head up the stairs.

    I go up another level and realize I don't actually know which room is Blake's. So I turn around intending to head back to the dorms. Zinhal seems to take pity on me though because I run right into Gray. "Vari, are you okay?" He asks.

    "Not really." I admit. 

    "Come on, I'll take you to Blake's room, Bruce is already there." That's how I end up in a room with all three of them. 

    "You worried about Threshing?" Bruce asks. "Because we've seen you on the mats, trust me you've got this."

    I shake my head, sitting down on the space they make for me on the bed. "Its not that." 

    "You can tell us sunshine." Blake reassures, and I believe him, so I do.

    "Annalise, the other girl in my squad. She told me that the guy I blinded, he plans on hunting me down tomorrow." 

    "You knew that would be a possibility." Blake says confused.

    "I did. But she said that its not just him. He has a group that's focused on raping me and then killing me."

    I do not expect the series of curses that fall out of Gray's mouth, nor the anger from Blake, and I especially don't expect Bruce's fist to catch fire. It takes them a few minutes to calm down, and I'm touched by the fact that they care so much about me.

    "What do Riorson and Tavis have to say about it?" Bruce asks. 

    "I'm not telling them. If they knew, they wouldn't leave my side for a second. It would fuck up their chance to bond, and I will not be responsible for that." They all sigh in unison, but they know I'm right.

    "If they're going to come after you as a group, you need to keep moving." Gray declares.

    "He's right, its harder to track a target that doesn't stay stationary." Blake confirms. "Put as much space between them and yourself as you can, especially at the start."

    "They might give up once they realize they can't find you and their time to bond is slipping away." Bruce adds.

    "And if they don't?"

    "If you think they're close, go for higher ground. You'll be harder to kill if they can't surround you, and with that crossbow of yours, you can pick them off." Blake says firmly.

    I take a breath and nod. They were right, I could make it through the day, but there was just one problem.

    "How am I supposed to find my dragon, if I'm busy playing hide so you don't get raped and killed." I need to say it out loud, so that it's not as daunting as it feels.

    "Have you felt a pull or anything?" Gray asks.

    "When we were leaving Presentation, I felt something. I know there's a dragon interested in me." I confirm.

    "Okay so you put distance between you and them at the start. Then follow the feeling, but never let your guard down." 

    "Okay I can do that." They distract me after that, and by the time I slip back into the dorms, and into my bed. 

    I feel slightly better. 

--------------------

    What little sleep I get is anything but restful. I haul myself out of bed, the dorm is silent. A few girls are already awake and I head to Annalise.

    "Hey time to get up." I say softly, she looks as tired as I feel.

    I take my time getting ready today. I do my hair the way Xaden did, only I get Annalise to help me with the gold clips I sometimes wore. I would go into Threshing the same way I crossed the Parapet, feeling like myself. I brush my teeth, and wash my face, hoping that might chase away some of the tiredness.

    I outline my eyes with kohl, the only makeup I'll wear today. Than I take the time to make sure all my jewellery is properly fastened. My necklace and earrings are always on, so I don't think twice about those. I put my anklet back on, as well as the bracelet and ring I always have on. Finally I slip on my armbands. I know the gold will catch attention, but I refuse to leave them behind. 

    I glance outside, and it's fucking miserable. There's going to be a storm for sure. I grab my jacket, slipping it on top of my corset. I retie my boots even if I don't need too. Its all for peace of mind, than its time for the most important thing. 

    I check over every weapon as I resheath them. I start with the ones in my boots, then my thighs, followed by my ribs. I slip on the belt that holds my gifted knives, then the other belt that crosses it with the pouches. Each one of those contains medical supplies. Then I attach the straps that keep my swords attached to my sides, and finally the hook that connects my crossbow to my left leg.

    I leave my pack on top of my bed. Everything I have in this Quadrant that's not on my person, packed inside it. If I die today, it'll be easy to burn. I slip out three of the letters I had written, and head towards the turret where they burn the belongings of the dead.

    I have never been there before, but I travel the route like I've done it multiple times before. I don't see a single person as I make my way past the rotunda and up the stairs. I reach the top of the turret, coming face to face with a burning fire. 

    "Hey mom, hey dad." I say softly throwing two of the letters I wrote into the flames. "I know odds are you don't actually get the letters I wrote, but I figured I'd cover the bases." 

    I sit on the ledge, staring at the smoke. "I know the past years, its probably seemed like I missed Xaden and Garrick more then you. Its true I did." I admit. "I love you both so much, and I miss you even more. But the reality of our lives were that I saw them more than I ever saw you. And they were still there, for me to get back too."

    There were no tears to come. I've already spent them all.

    "I know that probably makes me a shit daughter. Missing them more than I ever did you. But I spent my whole life missing you, its all I knew." I'm not sure where I'm going with this, but I just keep talking. "I'm not blaming you or anything. I just figured you deserve an explanation before I die. I am proud to be a Solaris, proud to be your daughter. I can only hope I'm honouring you with every decision I make."

    I get back on my feet glancing at the dancing flames like they'll respond. "I love you guys." I whisper before turning back to the stairs. 

    The walk back is just as silent. I have one more stop before I head back in. It takes me a few tries before I find the door Xaden carried me through. I head up the stairs, and through the second door. The room looks exactly as we left it, and I know we were probably the only ones to be up here in years.

    I find a flat stone, probably from the wall, and pick it up. It's heavy enough that I know it'll serve the purpose I need it too. I walk out to where we had sat all those nights ago, and kneel down. I take the letter I wrote, and place it against the ground, putting the stone over it.

    Once I'm sure it won't fly away, I get up dusting off my knees. Last thing I needed was my leathers getting dirty. I zipped up my jacket as the wind whipped against my skin. I'm starting to think General Sorrengail is doing this to fuck with our chances. I set off for breakfast intent on eating something, today was going to be a long day, of that I am sure.      

Chapter Text

    It's Threshing today.

    I head to breakfast silently, and the atmosphere has shifted. No one is really talking, much less eating, and the weather outside is downright depressing. It's cloudy, and there's a cold breeze that cuts through the air. By the looks of it, it's going to rain soon. Definitely General Sorrengail’s doing.

    My eyes scan our table for any sight of the boys. They aren't here yet, so I grab some mugs and one of the carafes of coffee and grab our regular seats. A few minutes later, they're walking in. Garrick branches off to get food, and Xaden beelines over to me. 

    He takes his seat beside me, looking me over. "Did you sleep at all?" I shake my head, and he sighs and taps his arm. I grin leaning against him, my hand finding his. He doesn't object, and I know it's because he's worried about today too.

    How can we not be? We need to survive and bond, the future of our nation depends on it. 

    I trace patterns against his skin as Garrick gets back with two trays of food. I don't bother reaching for anything. My mind is racing, and I'm too focused the fact that today is going to end up being a blood bath. That today all bets are off, and anything can happen to me. More importantly to them.   

    "Vari." I glance up to see Garrick looking at me.

    "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

    "What's going on in that head of yours?" He asks softly. 

    "I'm just worried about today."

    "You'll bond. You're one of the best in our year."

    "I'm worried for you guys." I correct. "I can't lose you both again." I whisper, praying the tears I feel forming don't fall. 

    "Look at me, Sunfire," I listen because it's Xaden, and I'm always going to follow his orders. "By tonight, we're all going to be chosen and bonded. We'll be riders, and we will be safe."

    "Okay." I say back, trusting in his words the way I always have. Xaden is a lot of things, but he isn't a liar, at least not with me.

    He hands me a mug off the tray, and the liquid inside is clear. I take a sip and sigh the warmth filling me up. Its hot water with honey, my mum used to give it to me whenever I was sick or feeling down. Garrick slides over a bowl of fruit, and I do manage to eat some of it.

    Xaden is silent as Garrick and I talk, but his arm comes around my waist at some point, pulling me closer to him. It's out of view for anyone at the others' tables, which is probably why he does it. Even if he'd never admit it, physical touch is how he shows his love. 

    Eventually, we're being told it's time.

    The walk there is heavy, and no one is speaking, aside from the occasional whisper. The rain is already starting. It's a light mist, but I know based on the darkening clouds, that's going to change. As Professor Kaori speaks, my eyes scan those around us. I find the only one here with an eyepatch easily, he's looking at me with such hate, that I wish I had killed him instead of moustache guy.

    “Remember to listen here,” Professor Kaori says from in front of us, tapping his chest. “If a dragon has already selected you, they’ll be calling.” He thumps his chest again. “So pay attention to not just your surroundings but your feelings, and go with them.” He grimaces. “And if your feelings are telling you to go in the other direction listen to that, too.”

    "You know where you're going?" I ask them quietly. Garrick nods while Xaden shakes his head.

    “If you go in groups, you’re more likely to be incinerated than bonded,” Professor Kaori argues with someone near the center of the valley. “The scribes have run the statistics. You’re better off on your own.”

    “And what if we aren’t chosen by dinner?” A man with a buzzcut to the front asks.

    “If you’re not chosen by nightfall, there’s a problem,” Professor Kaori responds, his thick moustache turned down at the ends. “You’ll be brought out by a professor or senior leadership, so don’t give up and think we’ve forgotten about you.” He checks his pocket watch. “Remember to spread out and use every foot of this valley to your advantage. It’s nine, which means they should be flying in any minute now. The only other words I have for you are good luck.’” 

    Then he leaves, marching up the hill to our right and disappearing into the trees.

    I hug Garrick first, "If you die, I swear I'll bring you back and kill you myself."

    He laughs. "I don't doubt it, Vari." 

    Him and Xaden see each other off, and he's gone. I turn to Xaden, who just pulls me into his arms. "Don't go picking any fights." He warns.

    "Look, who's talking." He pulls back just enough to kiss my forehead. 

    "I'm serious."

    "So am I." He smiles, tucking the same strand of hair that never stays in place when I put my hair up. "I'll see you tonight?"

    "I told you before Avari, nothing is keeping me from you again." I hold onto those words as we head in separate directions. 

    I do what Gray, Bruce, and Blake told me last night. I dash through the woods, putting as much distance as I can between me and anyone else. Maybe an hour or two in the weather picks up. I've seen a few dragons take off, and one cadet fall and crash into the ground.

    I haven't run into anyone, which is a relief, I know that if there's going to be a day I risk coming close to death, it's today. I wonder if the boys bonded yet. Its then I hear footsteps behind me and I scale the tree closest to me. I'm on the second branch, hidden from view, and crossbow ready. 

    I recognize them for what they are, a hunting group for me. It's a large group of fifteen which surprises me, until they speak. 

    "I swear I saw Tavis and Solaris head this way." The lead one says frustrated. So not just for me, but Garrick too, now the numbers make sense.

    A hand comes to his shoulder, and the guy who does so pulls his own hood down. I freeze, Alic no, betrayal runs through me, I knew he didn't like them but me? The fact that he was going along with their plan to rape me, it makes me sick. "Relax, in this weather, they won't be getting far, and Riorson will show up the second he hears about them being targets, I've arranged for it."

    It's really is a hunting party, and we three are the prey. A flash of lightning streaks across the sky, illuminating the path in front of them. "Footprints." And they're off. I wait until I can't hear them and wait another minute before dropping down.

    They saw the footprints, but I saw something else. The mark carved into the tree. I examine it, remembering what Garrick had taught us years ago. I barely hear the steps behind me before I'm blocking with my sword. The second my face is seen, he's lowering his weapon. "Xaden you scared the shit out of me." I mutter sheathing my weapon.

    "Are you okay?" He asks arms holding my shoulders as he looks me up and down. 

    "I am, but they're hunting Garrick. If we go that way, we'll get to him first." I point to the left, and he nods. We take off together, our steps light and quick.

    "You don't leave my side." He whispers as we walk through a particularly muddy area. "They plan on raping you."

    I nod, and than I'm pushed against the tree. "What?" I exclaim, careful to keep my voice low.

    "You knew already." He accuses, and there is no point lying, I know he knows. My lack of a reaction gave that away.

    "Last night, Annalise overheard them talking about holding me down while taking turns and having their way with me."    

    His gaze is dark. "And you didn't tell us."

    "You guys needed to focus on bonding not me." I argue, he lets me go, and we keep forward. "Xaden." I whisper breaking through his anger. "I was just trying to keep you both alive."

    He sighs, and doesn't say anything and he just reaches his hand back. I take it, and we keep forward. "After we're bonded, you have no excuse anymore."

    "I promise, the second I know anything, you'll know." He glances back at me, and I see the forgiveness in his eyes. 

    "Hear that Garrick, you're my witness." 

    "Of course honey bear." He comes dropping down beside us. "Now someone want to tell me what exactly is going on?"

    "Long story short, fourteen guys with prince asshole, plan on hunting us down and killing us." I say easily.

    He nods. "So the usual."

    I nod, and a glare from Xaden gets me to keep talking. "Yup, and there is also the tiny detail of them wanting to hold me down while they all have a turn with me before killing me."

    "And she's known this since last night." I glare at Xaden as Garrick glares at me.

    "And you didn't fucking tell us." I groan.

    "Okay I get it, I should've told you. Next time a group of people want to rape me and then kill me for my blood, I will tell you immediately, happy?" They both nod inspite of my sarcastic tone. 

    "Good now we need a plan." Garrick declares.

    "We can't take them all one at once." We might be the best fighters of our year, but in this weather, and with their numbers, they'll overwhelm us.

    "So we thin the herd." I say softly, knowing how much they'll hate the idea. Sure enough they sigh in unison, but I know they're going to agree. 

    "She's right." Xaden admits like it kills him to do so.

    "Than she should head that way." Garrick points, "It leads to clearing. You fight best when you have space to maneuver"

    "Then one of you should take it." I argue.

    "No, he's right. They aren't just looking to kill you Avari. They want to violate you first, they want you to suffer. They won't stop until they get their hands on you, and at least this way, we know exactly where to find you afterwards." I don't argue at that.

    "How good is your aim in this weather." Garrick asks, eyeing my crossbow.

    "I'm insulted, you're even asking." The rain lets up, so we can at least see a few more meters ahead. I take my position in a tree, a few away from their position. I have a clear line of sight, and it will be quick to climb down while Garrick heads my way. Two targets we'll be too sweet of a deal to miss, so most of them will come after us, they'll leave their best fighters to go after Xaden. 

    Sure enough they come through, and I don't hesitate for a second to shoot one in the throat. He dies almost immediately. They draw their weapons panicked, and I take advantage of it. I get one guy in the thigh, and fire a second shot where I predict his face will be when he collapses from the shot. It goes through his face and into the tree behind him. 

    "Who wants to be next?" I shout, and that's when they move. I see the Prince direct his three friends to move after Xaden. 

    "They'll get Riorson. The rest of us will finish them off."

    That leaves ten to come after Garrick and I. Garrick goes running, and I shoot the guy about to throw a javelin at him. I start climbing down the second I let go of the trigger, watching him collapse as my feet hit the ground. I wait just long enough for them to clearly see me, and I go running to the field Garrick had mentioned. 

    They circle me in the field, and I count four of them. They all have swords, aside from the one guy with the axe, the one who's eye I took out.

    "You know Solaris, if you just put your weapons away, you could be a willing participant. Have some fun before you die."

    "You first." I counter, taking a step towards him. The others don't move, and I lower my swords a little, seeing if I can trick them into thinking I'll play along. 

    "How about a deal?" He says instead. "You against them three, you win I'll just kill you. They win, than you don't fight while we use you and we make Riorson watch us fuck his girl."

    "Fine, but I want one amendment to your deal."

    "Lets hear it." 

    "That when I kill them, and your about to die on your own blade, you remember what happens when you come after me and what's mine." 

    He drives his axe into the ground, and holds his hand out. I shake it, and than move out of the way as a sword comes swinging. 

    I dodge with ease, both swords out as I move and put space between him and I. I'm just blocking attack after attack. One guy swings I block and the next is already moving. If it weren't for the fact that I have two swords, I'd have been struck down already.

    Finally I spot an opening, so right after the first guy pulls back, I kick him in the chest, narrowly blocking the other two swords. It's all I need to go after the first guy, leaving the other two stumbling forward. 

    He's on the ground, trying to get his bearings, but the mud makes it hard, and I don't hesitate to stab him in the gut. He gasps, and I leave him to bleed out. The other two come running at me, and two on one is easy. It's how I train with Garrick and Xaden. 

    They're on opposite sides, and I manage to slash one of them in the leg, he backs off to tie it up, and than its me and the big guy. He disarms one of my swords, and I know if he goes swinging it's going to hit me. So I drop down and slide between his legs, severing his spine once I pop up on the other side. The guy from before comes swinging and I move but not before he slashes my cheek. Its shallow but I can feel the blood trickle down my face. 

    I drop the swords, and I move to put a few paces between us. Daggers in hand, I fling them for his sword shoulder, he blocks the first, but the second dives into the muscle. His screams fill the field. He drops his sword, clinging to his arm in pain. I should've expected the attack. But as I go in for the kill, he stabs me in the thigh with his own dagger. It doesn't matter after that, its his neck that's sliced open. I turn to the last guy who looks at me, and nods. 

    "Well whenever you're ready princess." He says it mockingly and I take the wraps I had stashed in my pouch out and tourniquet the area, removing the guys dagger. I push another wrap into the wound, and tie a wrap around that.

    I pick up my swords, and tuck away my knives, and check that they're all dead. As I stand ready to go after him, the ground shakes.

    Both our gazes snap to the dragon that's arrived. Its the largest one I have ever seen, his scales pitch black, I can't see his tail from this angle, but it doesn't even matter. A dragon like this is legendary, and is here for one of us.

    "I'm going to enjoy killing you Solaris." He says picking up his axe.

    "My blood still won't get you a dragon." I growl, ignoring the pain. He comes swinging, and I block with my swords.

    The rain comes down, lightning streaks the sky, and thunder shakes my bones. Back and forth we go, but I'm injured, getting tired and he knows it. He takes the opening, and swings for my arm, only for it to practically bounce off.

    Thank you Alastair. The armbands saved me my arm. 

    "What the fuck!" He shouts not expecting it, and I take the advantage slashing his side. 

    It angers him, and next thing I know, I'm being slammed into the ground. Why was that always his reaction? My swords go flying, and I am beyond relieved that Xaden made me practice getting of this position every day for that week.

    I flip us over, and punch him in the nose, it hurts but the crack I hear is worth it. I get off him, and quickly move to my feet, drawing my knives. His axe and my swords are long forgotten, as the rain starts to come down in buckets.

    "Your blood will be on my blades Solaris." He shouts as thunder shakes the sky.

    "Not today or any other day." And I move as lightning streaks the sky. I land cut after cut, ignoring the pain in my arm, when he manages his own, I back away when his moves become sluggish. He's losing too much blood, and sure enough he falls over. I don't hesitate to pick up his axe, and drive it into his chest. Blood splatters all over me, but I don't care, my eyes go over the bodies around me, they're all dead.

    The dragon watches me as I pick up my weapons, and secure them all back in place. Its time to go, Sweet One. His voice echoes in my head.

    My eyes shoot up to his own. "You're choosing me." He nods, I walk over trying my best not to limp. Oh gods, climbing up is going to be a pain.

    To my surprise he just lowers his head, until I can easily get on. Don't go getting used to it, its just this once. I'd rather not have your blood everywhere.

    "Thank you." I say softly as I find my seat. "And its not all mine." I defend. 

    I'm aware I was watching.

    "Were you always there for me?" I question. "Or were you still deciding?"

    I picked you long ago Avari Solaris, you shall be my last rider. A sense of security fills me.

    "Do you know if Xaden and Garrick made it?" I ask as my eyes scan the ground as we take off towards the dais. 

    They have, they're awaiting you. I sigh in relief. They're alive and they bonded.

    "Thank the gods." I take a breath. "I'm sorry I forgot to ask your name."

    My name is Noxtarian, but you may call me Nox if you'd like.

    I can't believe he's chosen me. He's the largest dragon ever recorded in history, and declined bonding for the past hundred years. "Are we the last ones?" The weather is shit and I can barely see in front of us. I have no clue how many hours have passed.

    Its about four, and we are nowhere near the last ones to bond. The training fields are lit with mage lights, but from here, I still can't see much. From what I can see there are two lines of dragons facing each other.

    They are divided between those still in the quadrant who chose in years past and those who chose today, Nox tells me. We are the thirty-first bond to enter the fields. 

    A ferocious roar of celebration goes up among the dragons as we fly in, every head swinging our way, and I know it’s in deference to Nox. So is the parting of the dragons at the very center of the field, making room for him to land. 

    The impact jars me slightly, but I stand up tall in the seat before I slide down his side, careful to take the impact with my good leg. Nox tucks his wings in and looks down at me with an expression that’s the closest thing to a good you aren't a complete idiot I've ever seen from a dragon.

    I make my way to the dais. I keep my mind focused, I have three goals.

1. Give the name of my dragon to the roll-keeper 
2. Find Xaden and Garrick
3. Go find a mender

    Getting healed is too low on your list. Nox mentions.

    "Its the third thing." I argue as I wait for my turn. 

    Which is also the last thing. He counters. I wisely shut up, because he's not wrong.

    All the generals on the dais are watching me, and the closer I get the less they try and hide it. General Melgren has his gaze locked on me as I reach the front. His own dragon seems small in comparison to Nox.

    "Avari Solaris." I say to the roll-keeper and I see the flash of recognition on everyone's faces. I'm not some random cadet who's bonded the most respected dragon in Navarre, I'm a Solaris.

    “Nice to see that you made it.” She offers me a quick, shaky smile. “For the record, please tell me the name of the dragon who chose you.”

    I lift my chin. “Noxtarian.”

    Pronunciation is surprisingly good.” Nox's voice rumbles through my head.

    “Is that pride I hear?” I think back in his general direction.

    Don't go getting used to it. I catch the hint of amusement in his tone.

    The woman grins, shaking her head as she writes down his name. “I can’t believe he bonded. Avari, he’s a legend.”

    "That he is." I turn to the generals. "Generals." I lock eyes with General Sorrengail. "Wonderful weather we're having, don't you think?" With that said I turn away.

    I'm unashamedly hiding underneath Nox’s leg, both to tend to my injuries in private and so I can avoid the stares. When I spot Xaden running towards the dais. "You aren't going to hurt him right." I ask Nox noticing how he tenses.

    No Sweet One, only because I know his dragon and you would both be mad.

    I decide I'll question that later, as I step back out into the rain before he rushes too far past me. 

    "Xaden." I shout after him, careful with how much pressure I put on my leg. The adrenaline is wearing off and I'm starting to feel the pain. He comes to a halt, and whips around to face me. In five strides he's in front of me, his eyes find mine as his hands grip my arms. 

    He holds me tight, nearly bruising, like he's afraid I'll disappear the second he lets go. His jaw is clenched as he looks me over, and his gaze narrows in on the blood stained wraps around my thigh. Then without any warning, his lips crash onto mine. He kisses me like its the last time he'll ever get to instead of the first. Its desperate and all encompassing, and I match it with my own relief. It's raw, unfiltered, almost primal, like he's pouring every fear he had from today into it. Like I'm the only possible cure for it.

    I don't know when his hands move around my waist, pulling me even closer, until the need for air finally gets to us. "I thought I lost you." He whispers. There's still a tension in him, and I lean up and place a series of kisses against his jaw. Not caring who sees, he started it. My fingers take in the cut on his face, tracing it gently. 

    He leans into my touch and my reply is cut off by Nox growling. Healer now before I torch the distraction.

    "Really?" I question my dragon. 

    Be happy I let him kiss you without intervening, your hurt, he should be taking you to get care. I roll my eyes, but make sure he knows that I appreciate his concern. 

    "Nox says I need to see a mender now, or he's holding you responsible if I bleed out."

    He laughs picking me up, and I glare at him, about to try and maneuver out of his grip, but the glare my dragon sends me stops me. "What happened to your face?" I can't help but reach up and touch it.

    "My dragon." He says annoyed. "She did not appreciate the fact that I wanted to find you instead of just leaving."

    "Wise dragon." I tease, feeling the pain in full force now. He notices, because he kisses my forehead in reassurance. "People are going to think I'm weak." I say softly.

    "Avari you just managed to get a dragon no one has seen in a hundred years to bond to you. On top of the fact that you're one of the best in our year, you can afford a moment of weakness." I sigh and nod. 

    He carries me to the tent, where Garrick is already there, Nolon working on his leg. "You're alive." He says in relief once he spots me, trying to move to us, but Nolon just orders another healer to hold him down. "Gods Avari, you're covered in blood."

    "Only like a third of it is mine." I argue.

    You mean half. Nox corrects. I ignore him.

    "Who did you bond?" I ask. 

    "Chradh, brown scorpiontail." He says focusing on the conversation and not his leg being stitched back together by magic.

    "What about you?"

    I grin. "Nox, black swordtail" Whispers break out in the tent, and one of the other menders immediately moves over to me.

    He laughs, "Of fucking course you just happen to bond a dragon of legend." 

    "Him first." I say directing the mender to Xaden, his cut needs to be healed properly.

    "And of course Xaden bonds the other." My gaze snaps to Xaden.

    "Wait what?"

    "I bonded to Sgaeyl, blue daggertail." He says, his eyes watching as I strip off my jacket and pants. I didn't realize the dragon we had seen that day was her. As soon as the mender is done with him and moving onto me. He's standing and blocking me from the view of anyone else.

    "Stories after?" They both nod.

    Nox doesn't say anything, but I feel the affection he sends my way, when the pain becomes too much. "It will scar slightly." The mender says with regret. 

    I shrug. "Its not like anyone's seeing it there anyway." It was the cut on my thigh, it also hurt the most to be mended, but once she was done, I was pulling my pants back on. 

    I leave my jacket where it is, its torn to shreds anyway. As we wait for them to be done with Garrick. Xaden simply sits beside me, his thigh flush against mine, his hand quickly finding my own.

    I lean against him, content, we made it through, with dragons to show for it.

    Now we could focus on getting our home back.

Chapter Text

    Once Garrick is finally mended we head back towards our dragons. The rain has finally come to a stop, and while it's still cloudy it's better than it was before. I stay close to Garrick as he fills me in on what happened when we split up. Xaden is a pace or two behind us, and I feel his eyes on me. Garrick tells me he had five of them going for him, including Alic. He took out three of them, when Alic got the upper hand.

    "Then Xaden comes out of nowhere and tackles Alic to the ground." I look back at him, as he steps forward and shares his side. I know he's killed Alic. I try and focus on his words, but I just can't believe Alic would support what they planned on doing to me. The entire time I knew him, he always looked down on anyone would even entertain the idea of violating a woman.

    By the time they're done speaking, they both are looking at me expectantly. So I tell them what had happened, how I had won my own battle. Once I'm done I swear they both look ready to go murder the next person to look my way. 

    "If they weren't already dead." Muttered Garrick, his arm over my shoulder protectively. 

    "Your concern is touching but I don't want to focus on it anymore. We lived, and everyone idiotic enough to come after us is dead."

    "Wow look at you being so positive." I roll my eyes amused as I make my way over to Nox.

    Xaden is right on my heels. "Are you sure nothing else happened?" He asks softly. "You can tell me."

    "I know I can, but they never touched me, Nox can vouch for it if you don't believe me." I wouldn't lie to him about this.

    "I trust you." He says cupping my face. This kiss is soft and gentle, and I melt all the same. "I'll come find you afterwards."

    "Okay." I say a little breathless. 

    Get it together Sweet One and stop acting like a love sick fool. You're making us look bad.

    "Well, I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting for the guy I've been in love with for years to kiss me today." I argue back. 

    You and the distraction are going to be annoying together, aren't you?

    "I don't even know if we are together." I admit.

    Sgaeyl would never bond a fool. Is all he says, and I lean against my dragon. As other cadets turned riders join the field, the more eyes on me. I don't particularly enjoy it, already feeling the target on my back grow.

    I would not worry about that Sweet One, you are strong.

    "Thanks Nox." 

    "Avari." I turn to where my name is being called and I find the trio that is Bruce, Gray, and Blake. The former two are staring at my dragon in awe, but Blake is looking at me in relief. 

    I like him. Nox says, lifting his leg to nudge me forward. It's surprisingly gentle for someone his size. I have been alive for centuries, I am aware of how not to kill my rider. He does it again and this time I go walking towards them. Gray gets to me first pulling me into a tight hug. Followed by Bruce, who raises his body temperature, so I'm warmed up while he hugs me. Then everything is Blake, who lifts me by the waist spinning me.

    "You did it!" He shouts as I laugh. Once my feet find the floor he gives me a hug too.

    We stand in a group as I tell them what happened. "Your advice really helped. I'd have survived without it, but probably not as unscathed." 

    "You're welcome sunshine." We continue talking, Nox is silent, simply observing the interaction. Until they're called away for something.

    "We're in charge of room placements." Blake tells me before they head off. "So you'll get the best of the shit options."

    I grin. "Anything is a step up from the dorms." I watch them head off before turning back to Nox.

    I'm tired and want to sit, but the ground is covered in mud. I give him a hopeful look, he sighs. Climb up. 

    I quickly scale his leg, and walk over to my seat. We aren't flying so I just sit crisscrossed. From up here, I can watch those around me. "So why don't you like Xaden?"

    I have seen your memories Sweet One, you put him before yourself. You put them all before you.

    "That's more my fault then his." I point out.

    Perhaps, but you deserve someone who shall always put you first, the way you do everyone else in your life. I chose you for your heart Sweet One. I will not allow you to settle for someone who will not care for it.

    "I think I understand." I say slowly. "Thank you for choosing me."

    There is nothing to thank. You are mine now Avari Solaris, until the end of our days.

--------------------

    There are still a few hours to go, so I decide to start adjusting my shields and grounding to accommodate for Nox.

    It's easy picturing Xaden’s old room, I spent more time in it then my own. The dark wood that made up his desk, always covered in stray papers and notebooks. Gods the amount of hours we'd spend here working out budgeting and trade deals. There's the mark from when he had stabbed a letter opener into the table out of frustration. As well as the stain from when I had knocked an ink pot over one night when I had fallen asleep working.

    I see the door that leads out to the rest of our home. The double doors that lead to the balcony, open to let the faint spring breeze in. The season of our births. That whole wall is just glass. I always picture it at sunset, the different shades of light coming through.       

    There's the bed that I don't think has ever been made since he first moved into the room. The sheets ruffled in a way that shows two people laid there. The soft black fur blanket that I always tucked under my feet. There's a slight dent against the wall from when he was drunk and jumped onto the bed. There's a chip on the baseboard when I had tripped on the carpet and went flying forward. I still don't know how that happened. The carvings in the frame, the same dark wood as the desk. My fingers trace them, and I swear they feel real. If I look carefully I can find the spot that we engraved our initials. The result of a drunk as fuck Garrick.

    I see the open door to the bathroom, catching sight of one his shirts on the floor, if you went in further you'd find my own things scattered. As well as the only clear counter space. Just enough for me to sit on while he shaved. The closet door is firmly shut like always because he believed that would somehow stop me from taking his clothes. It never did. There's the wardrobe that held his weapons, and a few of my own things despite the fact that my own room wasn't even twenty steps away. 

    It's all so familiar, it's home. I could tell the stories of days and nights spent in that room. Of the second chair across the desk that we alternated sitting in. Of the scorch marks under the carpet from a drunken night with Bodhi.

    I finally turn to the bookshelves. Built into the wall, the same dark wood as everything else in his room. There are notebooks filled with both of our writings, some with just mine, others with just his. There's a whole shelf filled with my favourite books, duplicate copies of the ones in my own room. There are other souvenirs and small things scattering the shelves. Spanning the years of our childhood.

    Finally I catch sight of where Nox's energy is coming from. Its like a gold coloured breeze that seems to circle me. I follow it, and it leads to the balcony doors. I leave the door open, and know where to go when I want to shield.

    "Have I already started Channeling?" I ask Nox, because from what Alastair has told me, he wasn't able to do this until then.

    Not quite, but you have training he never received until he started Channeling.

    "Lucky you then. You have a rider who already knows the hard things." I say teasingly

    He chuffs, and I open my eyes focusing on the world around us. I spot Xaden easily, his dragon is breathtaking, almost as much as Nox.

    Good save Sweet One.

    "Do you think she'll attack if I approach?" He's silent for a moment, maybe asking her.

    She says she wants to meet the one her rider was willing to risk death for.

    I take it as an instruction, and slide down his side, placing my boots against his scales to keep from crashing outright onto the ground. "We're going to get looks wherever we go aren't we?"

    There are no more shadows for you to hide in Sweet One, like your namesake, there is only the sun.  

    If that's the case, than I won't try and fade back behind the scenes. Nox was right, I am a Solaris, my family history is carved into the very foundations of this kingdom. We stood defiant as the sun against all those who dared stand against us. I was bonded now. There was no reason to be anything then who I am. I stop paying attention to the eyes on me. Let them watch, let them try and take what I have earned. I'll show them all why I was the one to survive.

    I keep a respectable distance between myself and Sgaeyl, waiting for an indication from Xaden. He nods towards the side, the invitation clear. "Hey." I say looking him over, even if I know he's fully healed. "So is she going to kill me, because Nox never actually said she wasn't going too."

    He laughs, and looks focused. "Sgaeyl says if she wanted you dead, you would be." It doesn't scare me like it probably should, instead I find it endearing.

    "Oh yeah, she's definitely the perfect match for you." I take a few steps back so she can see me better. "Hi, I'm Avari, although I'm sure you know that from his memories."

    "Avari what are you doing?" Xaden asks exasperated.

    "Having manners." I shoot back, before turning back to Sgaeyl. "I'd like to thank you for not killing him when he chose to be an idiot. Fair warning though, he's probably going to keep at that."

    "Avari!" He shouts. "I'm not telling her that." Sgaeyl growls in his direction and he sighs. "She says its too late to turn back now, and that...." She growls again. "And that the only times I'm ever an idiot are when I breathe."

    I can't stop from laughing. He glares at me, but it just gets me to laugh harder. 

    "I liked it better when the only thing you two had in common was the colour blue." He mutters, and I glance back at her scales, and realize they are the same navy shade as my eyes. The way Nox's scales are the same onyx as Xaden’s.

    "Well we also have you in common." I add. He's clearly arguing something back and forth with Sgaeyl, and I glance around for Garrick.

    I spot him finally off to the side with Annalise. Oh gods I had completely forgotten about her. The dragon closest to her is a green scorpiontail, that must be hers. I don't go up to them, there's clearly some type of moment happening over there. Sure enough Garrick just goes in for a kiss. It's bold as fuck, and I am extremely proud of him. I look away though, because that's not a sight I want in my mind.

    "What's wrong?" Xaden asks.

    "Nothing, just our boy finally making a move." I nod in the direction, and he rounds his dragon to see what I meant.

    "About time they were getting pathetic." I scoff.

    "Like you were any better." His eyes narrow on me.

    "Meaning what Sunfire?"

    "Meaning I regularly slept in your bed, and all but offered to strip naked for you, and you still didn't do shit." 

    "I was making sure I could keep you safe before anything else."

    "Excuses. We both know I can keep myself plenty safe. Admit it, you weren't sure about me." I'm not quite sure why I'm choosing now to have this argument but it's been a long day. He doesn't say a word and I feel my heart break. I turn heading back to Nox. Only for Xaden to grab my wrist pulling me back to him. His arm secure around my waist as he kisses me. 

    I don't hesitate to kiss him back, and I can't stop the whine that escapes me when he finally pulls away. "I have always been sure of you Avari Solaris. Most days its all I ever know," He admits, tucking my hair behind my ear. I'm vaguely aware of the fact that people are definitely watching.

    To me though, we are all that exists.    

    "Then why wait so long?"

    "You know why." I sigh, pulling him down for another kiss. My hand drifts up to toy with the hair at the nape of his neck.

    "You're an idiot." 

    "Your idiot though." He whispers against my lips. He pulls back a little. "I have always been yours Sunfire."

    "I kind of put that together already." I tease. "And I hope you've realized and I've been yours for just as long as I can remember."

    "I know." He smirks, and as he leans in, Garrick's voice cuts through the air.

    "Its about fucking time!" 

    He flinches at the glare Xaden gives him, and I just laugh moving over to Garrick. "I think I should be saying that about you and Annalise." His ears turn red, as he mumbles something about how I don't know what I'm talking about. Xaden's arm comes around my waist, and I lean back against him.

    Oh gods we've practically been a couple this whole time haven't we.

    As someone who has seen your memories with him. Yes.

    "It was a rhetorical question to myself Nox." I know he's amused, and I'm tempted to shield but I don't. Eventually the hour gets later, and someone announces for us to return to our dragons. I settle in front of Nox and wait for the final part of the ceremony to occur.

    Finally General Sorrengail steps forward and finishes the Threshing ceremony, promising the unbonded riders another chance next year. If they don’t manage to kill one of us while our bonds are weak in the next few months and try to bond our dragons themselves.

    “Welcome to a family that knows no boundaries, no limits, and no end,” General Sorrengail finishes, and a cheer resounds around the field. “Riders, step forward.”

    I do as said. Ten steps or so, Nox declares, and I follow his instruction.

    “Dragons, it is our honor as always,” she calls out. “Now we celebrate!”

    Don't move. Is all the warning I get.

    Heat blasts my side and I hiss in pain as riders on both sides of me cry out. My body feels like its on fire, and yet everyone across the field is cheering raucously, some of them racing our way. Other riders are caught up in embraces.

    You’ll like it. He promises. It’s unique.

    The pain fades quickly. “Where is it?” 

    Come here where you'll be hidden. I move between his legs. Its on your right side. I do as he says, pulling my pants down a little and sure enough on my right hip, is a black dragon. From what I can see in the limited light and at the awkward angle, it's breathtaking. There's an insane amount of detail and from what I can manage to make out is that his swordtail perfectly covers the scar I earned today.

    “It’s beautiful,” I whisper. I’m marked by him now, there's no going back.

    I'm glad you like it.

    The next part of the evening is a blur. They usher us back in to get our things, and show us to our rooms, Garrick's and Xaden’s rooms are across from mine, and we have small bathrooms in our rooms. It's a step up from having to share with hundreds of others. As a bonus Annalise is beside me, and Pierre beside her. 

    "Alright boys, I'm going to go shower." I declare after moving my things into my room. 

    Some of the other new riders have already slipped into their new rooms, others to the healers, some for dinner, and most have found someone to celebrate with.

    "Want me to bring you something to eat?" Garrick asks.

    "Stop being noble and go celebrate with Annalise, I know she's waiting for you." He grinned giving me a quick hug, and ignoring Xaden's teasing look. 

    "And how about you Sunfire, are you planning on celebrating?" Xaden asks as he walks me to my door.

    "Once the bloods out of my hair, most definitely." I glance back at him before I shut the door. "Whether its alone or with someone, depends entirely on you." I see his gaze drop as I close the door, and I know he waits to hear the lock. I don't lock it.

    I make sure he can hear my steps fade away to the washroom. What happens next is up to him. I do ensure my shield with Nox is in place. The very last thing I need is to get laid and my dragon having a front row seat.

    I spend at least a half an hour washing my hair and body, before the water starts to run clear. Then I'm just enjoying the heat on my skin. Still eventually, I leave slipping on my shorts, and a half tank. I'm drying my hair with a towel as I walk into my room. 

    I'm startled by the sight of Xaden sitting on my bed, flipping through my sketchbook. A quick glance to the door tells me it's locked. 

    "Last I checked this isn't your room." His hair is still a little wet, and he's in his own night clothes. We'll get our flight leathers tomorrow, and I know he's just going to look so fucking hot in them. 

    "I thought we shared rooms." I watch as he places the sketchbook on the side table before holding his arms open. I immediately settle into his lap, toying with his hair, as he stares at my Relic. His fingers trace it, and before I can think he has me on my back.

    "You have an unnatural obsession with putting me on my back." He just smirks, his lips travelling up the exposed skin on my side, over Nox's mark. They skip over the fabric and trail up my neck to my ear.

    "You're the one who lets me do it." My breath catches when I feel his hand at the waistband of my shorts. "My theory is that you want me on top, isn't that what you said?" There's a challenge in his eyes. This is my chance for an out, and gods above I'd be an idiot to take it.

    "I think my exact words mentioned there being no clothes between us."

    "Good girl." His lips steal whatever response I would have had. Kissing Xaden is already becoming an addiction, it burns like a fire, one I will gladly let consume me until I am nothing but ashes. I flip us so I'm on top, my hair coming down in waves. I grind against him as I kiss my way down his jaw and to his neck. "Fuck Sunfire." He groans. I smirk against his skin.

    "That's the idea." I roll my hips, delighting in the groan he makes again, I can feel every inch of him against me, and gods is he big. I lean back a little and reach both hands to the base of my tank top. I don't hesitate with taking it off, throwing it to the floor. 

    "Fuck." He mumbles, before flipping us again. His mouth immediately finds one nipple, while his hand toys with the other.

    He bites down just enough to cause a small jolt of pain that has me gasping and moving closer. Gods I knew I was sensitive there, but apparently it was even worse with him. He moves to the other one, repeating the motion and my nails claw at his back. I need more. I'm already a mess of noises, and I can feel how slick my inner thighs are. He pulls back to take his shirt off, and I catch sight of Sgaeyl's Relic on his back. 

    Fuck me how does he manage to get even hotter. I pull at his shorts. "Off now." I demand.

    "Impatient aren't we." He teases as he stands up to take them off.

    I know I take him by surprise because the moment they're discarded to some corner of my room, I'm on my knees in front of him. All I see is the lust, desire, and heat in his eyes as I grab the base, and place a kiss against his tip. 

    "Fuck Sunfire." I don't respond, simply focused on taking as much of him as I can. His hand brushes back my hair holding it in one hand, as I move my head back and forth. There's something intoxicating about being in this position. He thrusts forward, slipping down my throat, before quickly pulling back. 

    I pull away, jerking him off as I peer up at him. "Stop holding back, I can take it." Whatever last thread of resolve he has breaks then. I open my mouth, and he just thrusts forward without restraint. 

    I match him movement for movement. The noises we are making are fucking obscene, and he groans, his grip on the base of my hair tightening. "Fuck Sunfire you going to take it." I don't stop for a second, and he comes down my throat, watching as I swallow every drop. He picks me up like I weigh nothing, positioning me on the edge of the bed. 

    He kneels down, pulling my shorts off so fucking slow. He's doing it on purpose, to frustrate me. "So fucking wet aren't you?" He runs a finger against me, and I swear it's nearly enough to send me over the edge. 

    I growl when he pulls away from me entirely. "I swear to god Xaden if you don't finish what you started I'll-" His fingers slide into me without warning. I arch my back trying to get them even deeper, my breath catches, and he just smirks as he kisses me.

    I can barely focus on the assault to my senses, I don't even know when or how he moved us to the center of the bed. All that exists is his lips against mine, our tongues fighting for dominance, his fingers thrusting in and out of me as his thumb rubs circles on my clit. I'm so fucking close, and I know he can tell, because he starts kissing my neck, biting and sucking in a way I know is going to leave marks tomorrow. 

    "Let go for me love." That's what does me in, and the pleasure shoots through me in waves. I'm not even halfway down from my high when he makes a home for himself between my thighs. I'm still so fucking sensitive, so when his tongue flicks at me, my hips buck. I feel him smirk against me, and he moves his hands to keep me pinned down. 

    I am helpless to his attack, he takes his time, mapping out every inch of me with his tongue. "Fuck Xaden, more." I beg, so fucking close to the edge, but he backs off every time. 

    "Tell me what you want Sunfire." His fingers find my center again, and I'm clenching down on them without care. 

    "You, just you." That seems to be the right answer because he sucks on my clit as he's thrusting his fingers, and all I see is white.

    Once I finally come down from the high, he's stroking himself watching me with a smug look. "You make such pretty noises love." 

    He might have just given me two orgasms, but he still hasn't given me what I want the most, and that's to come undone around him, feeling him lose control with me. "Xaden." I say breathless, my voice light and fill with wanting. "I need you to fuck me. Please." I beg my voice wavering. I might die right here and now if I don't feel him fill me up to the brim. He nods, and no more words are needed between us.

    We move in unison, his cock brushes against my clit, and the moans tumble out. He kisses me with no sense of urgency. It's slow and all encompassing, the promise of a lifetime in it. He sinks into me in one solid move, all the way to the hilt. I hear the sound of something cracking. But we both ignore it, this has been years in the making, my bed breaking isn't stopping that. 

    My breath catches and I can't help the little gasps and whimpers that escape me. I roll my hips trying to get him to move, and he grabs my hips steadying me. The look on his face is downright primal, and I know he's trying to keep himself from coming undone the moment he moves. The cocky look on my face disappears when he snaps his hips and sinks right back into me. The pace and speed is punishing, each movement hard and firm. 

    Time escapes me, we move together, giving and taking, in unison, like we have been our whole lives. It's two halves coming together, and nothing has ever felt more right. I've lost track of the amount of times he's made me come undone for him. The world seems to fade to dark around us, and we are the only light that exists. My nails dig into his back, his hands grope my breasts. He kisses me like I am the answer to every question he's ever had. 

    His breath catches and I know he's close. I'm right on the edge, we follow each other right over the edge. His hips still right against me, and I clench down against him. His hand finds mine as we chase a salvation that could only ever be found in each other. Our noises drowned out into each other mouths. We come down from our highs and he's staring down at me with pure adoration as he slips out. I whine at the loss of contact. 

    "You're glowing." He says staring at me in wonder. I sit up look down at myself, and he's right, I'm glowing a soft bright light, in the purest of whites.

    I look at our joined hands, and there's something dark circling my own. "Are those shadows?" My eyes scan the room, and I realize the only light is coming from me, the whole room is darkness, I can't even seen the door or window.

    "Our signets. Light and shadows."

    I laugh softly. "Magic demands balance." I echo the words his dad used to tell us.

    "And you're mine." He leans forward and kisses me, and the shift in weight sends the last of the bed crashing down. We both laugh, and as we relax in each others presence my light fades away, and his shadows retreat. 

    "Gods this is going to be such an awkward conversation with Selena." He laughs getting up and heading to the washroom. 

    I hear the sound of the water turning on before he comes back out and picks me up. "Just think about how much worse its going to be when she tells Alastair." I groan, leaning my head against his chest.

    "Don't remind me. He's going to have a heart attack." He gently places me on my feet as we get into the shower. I never expected Xaden to have such soft aftercare, but it's nice. We take care of each other, and I get the chance to trail kisses wherever I missed before.

    Once we get out, I get a good look at myself in the mirror. "Oh gods." I whisper. My entire chest is covered in marks, there are some on my hips, plenty between my thighs. Yet none of those compare to the ones on my neck and collarbone. "Have you ever heard of self control?"

    "Have you seen the damage you did?" He turns around and there are little crescent marks all over his back, a few bleeding. His chest isn't any better. His jaw and neck have his own marks to match mine. I'm most proud of the one on the base of his collarbone, its huge and already darkening. 

    "Its not that bad." I argue and he points to his shoulder, where you can see the outline of a bite mark. 

    "Oh." I say softly. "Sorry?" 

    He grins, kissing the top of my head. "No you aren't."

    We head back into my room finding our scattered pieces of clothing and slipping them on. Now I hesitate, is this more then a one time event, are we something more then a night of celebration. 

    "Sunfire." His voice reclaims my attention. "I want this," he takes my hand. "I want you. I told you before nothing is keeping me from you. Especially now that I know what it is to have all of you."

    I don't need to say anything because I can just kiss him instead. It says all I need it too. He leads me out and to his room across the hall. He gets in bed first and lifts the blanket for me. I'm curled up against him, his arm securely around my waist. It's no different then any other time we've shared a bed before.

    Only this time, when sleep claims me, I know he will still be entirely mine in the morning.

Chapter Text

    I wake up to the sun on my face and surrounded by warmth. Memories of last night come in flashes, and as soon as they do, I become aware of the welcome ache between my legs. I feel Nox slashing at the shields between us, and I immediately lower them. "Hi." I say, feeling like a child caught sneaking in their boyfriend.

    Hello Sweet One. Did you have a nice evening?

    I feel my cheeks heat up. "Yes." I know he's enjoying this far too much. "How was your evening?"

    Mine was fine. There was quite a light show last night, did you see it? 

    I am mortified. Not only did we both start chanelling and gain our signets awaken while we fucked for the first time. But apparently we created a show for all to see. "Gods how bad was it?" He doesn't reply instead simply showing me. It was actually a beautiful sight, like the Northern lights we had seen back home. Just in black and white.

    Perhaps you were right, you may already know the hard things.

    "Haha." I say dryly. "I'll see you outside?"

    I will be waiting for you

    I raise the shield between us back to where I would like it be. Enough that he can't read my thoughts or hear what I'm saying. But he can still feel me and my emotions. I know most riders once they figure out shielding believe in blocking their dragon out entirely, but it feels wrong to me. Nox and I, we're extensions of one another now. I am his and he is mine. We belong to each other. To block him out would be pretending that wasn't the case. 

    Xaden’s arm is around my waist, and I remember how when we were younger, he'd always pull be back if I tried to leave. I wonder if that's still the case. I can't help but test it, shifting forward. Sure enough he just pulls me closer to his chest. Gods this man was going to be the death of me. We still have another hour before we need to be up, so I let him sleep. I go over what I need to do instead. 

    I'm going to have to go pack up Alic's things. It should be me who gives his belongings to the Tauri family. I need to tell Aaric how sorry I am for his loss. I also have to go find Selena and tell her I need my bed replaced. And then there's the whole signet thing, which means speaking to Professor Carr. 

    I don't meant to fall back asleep but Xaden is so warm that I just drift off. I wake up to him tracing patterns on my hip. I turn back enough so I can see his face. I don't need him to tell me that I'm glowing again, I know I am. 

    His hand reaches forward to move a strand of hair out of my face. The kiss that follows is all so gentle, and this is what it is to be loved.

    "Good morning." His lips brush mine as he speaks. 

    "Morning." We trade lazy kisses as the Quadrant wakes up. Eventually we know we have to get out of bed, and I have to get back to my room. So when he goes to the washroom, I get up to head to the door.

    "Sneaking out on me?" My eyes snap to him, where he's looking at me amused.

    "Oh yeah, I was just in it for the sex, now its on to the next." I tease reaching for the door handle, only for it to become covered in shadows. 

    He walks up behind me, and I can't place the look in his eyes when he turns me to face him. "Don't you dare fucking joke about that." Oh it's possession over me.

    Fuck I should not find that hot. 

    "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were getting jealous over no one." 

    "I don't want you getting ideas like that Avari. You're mine." Gods I need to study how he manages to pour the intensity of his emotions into a simple kiss. It should not be possible, yet I feel his very desire for me when his lips meet mine.

    "I love you." The smile on his face makes my heart flutter. He kisses me again and again.

    "Say it again." He whispers in disbelief.

    "I love you Xaden Riorson." Those words are the truest thing I have ever said. Its a truth thats been around for years, written into my very bones.

    I love him, I'm in love with him. 

    How could I not be? 

    It was Xaden.

    He was the one to cheer me up when I was sad. The one to find me when I would hide from the world. The first person to back me up even if I was wrong. The one to defend me and protect even if he knew I could handle it myself. Xaden is the only one to ever make me feel at home.

    His touch is so soft and gentle against me, his lips trail down as he sinks to his knees in front of me. He slowly slips my shorts down, never once breaking eye contact, and lifts my legs over his shoulders. He makes me come undone twice with his mouth alone, pressed against the door where he's the only thing keeping me from falling. The white glow to my skin is on its way to becoming permanent.

    I can barely feel my legs as he carries me to the bed, he slips inside me and he swears it feels like I'm made for him. His pace is slow, taking his sweet time. He captures every sound I make with his mouth. 

    His shadows and my light cover the room. They push and pull, circling each other in an eternal dance, like that of day and night. It's beautiful and breathtaking, an extension of who we are, a presentation of what we have always known is true. We are each others balance. 

    His speed picks up slightly as he drives his hips into mine. Then he hits that one spot that has me letting out breathy gasps. He takes it as a challenge to get me to succumb to the pleasure. He loses first but it triggers my own. He's still above me and my legs are still lazily wrapped around him, when he says the words I've been longing to hear.

    "I love you Avari Solaris." He whispers before kissing my forehead, followed by my cheeks, and then my nose which gets me to giggle. Finally sealing his words with a proper kiss. He slowly slips out, and I immediately miss the feeling. I'm also not sure how I'm going to walk much less scale my dragon on the flight field. 

    He drags me into the shower with him, where he has me again pressed up against the tiles as the water pours down around us. I'm not quite sure whether it was us or the water to blame for the mirror fogging.

    When he leaves the bathroom so I can finish washing my hair I'm already missing him. Fuck Nox was right I am going to be a love sick fool.

    He's back a few moments later with my clothes and weapons. I dry myself off and change into the usual clothes I wear. I reach back to do up the ribbons of my corset when he wordlessly comes over and does it himself. Then he sits me down and brushes out my hair for me. 

    It's weird, being cared for like this. I'm usually the one doing the caring. But it feels right, having it come from Xaden. I choose to leave my hair open for now, its still wet, coming halfway down my back. I slip all my weapons into place, and then my jewellery that he also brought, and we leave the room together. 

    "Have a fun night?" Garrick asks leaning against the wall outside Xaden’s door. I am ashamed to say he does startle me. "Are you blue?" He questions. I glance down and instead of the white light I had just gotten used too, I'm glowing a silvery blue, like a star.

    "We uh got our signets last night." I admit, avoiding his eyes. 

    "I'm a shadow wielder and Avari from what we've seen makes light." Please don't ask follow up questions.

    "What? How?" I keep my gaze firmly on the ground, knowing damn well my cheeks are flushed, and the blue light around me fades. Traitor.

    Nox I know is amused by my embarrassment and I refuse to lower the shield between us.

    Xaden just smirks, putting an arm over my shoulder. "What you did last night. Celebrate." I catch the moment he pieces it together.

    His face goes from excitement to a cross between impressed and regret. "So you guys fucked and got signets for it."

    I shrug. "Yeah pretty much."

    "Unbelievable." He mutters something else, but I don't catch it, now that I'm chanelling, the runes only work when I activate them.

    It's great, no more being forced to hear everything at a louder volume.

    "I need to see Selena." I mention as we head to breakfast.

    "Why?" Garrick asks as we enter the dining hall.

    "We broke her bed last night." Xaden says it with so much pride, meanwhile he's the one with the bed still in one piece. Garrick looks horrified, most likely because the two people he's closest too and grew up with, are fucking like they have no sense of control.

    "You really need to learn to stop asking questions." I add on. 

    "I don't know whether to tease you or crawl into a hole and die." I sigh and decide to do him a favour. I unzip my jacket so he can see the marks. The jokes don't stop for a solid ten minutes. He finds them hilarious and I catch Xaden’s smile at a few of them. When Selena walks in I quickly get up and head towards her. 

    "Selena." I say getting into line beside her.

    "Avari. Glad to see you made it."

    "Thank you, I uh was hoping to talk to you about something."  

    "Is it about the fact that you look like a bruised peach."

    "No." I pause and think. "Sort of. I might require a new bed."

    She looks at me amused. "Might?"

    "I do need a new bed, my old one is well destroyed." She laughs and I'm mortified. She's about to be my sister in law, this is not a conversation we should be having.

    "Ill handle it, anything else?"

    "Yeah I got my signet, do I just go to Professor Carr directly or?"

    "You have your signet already?" She says shocked. Her voice is loud enough that a few others catch wind, and in a matter of seconds that's all anyone is whispering to each other.

    I ignore them. "Xaden and I both did." She looks back and forth between him and I. She's speechless for a good minute, and I'm worried I've broken her.

    "I'll talk to Carr myself after breakfast." I nod.

    "Perfect and please dont tell Alastair about the bed thing." That snaps her out of her dazed state.

    "Of course not. He'll storm the place." I grin walking back to my seat. Now it's just the Tauri thing. 

    "Selena said she'll talk to Carr for us." Xaden nods, and I figure now would be the best time to get Alic's things together. "I'm going to head to the dorms." I say carefully.

    "Why?" Garrick asks.

    "I need to pack up Alic's things." I say softly. "His family is going to come for them, its only right I be the one to give them." They don't argue, and they don't stay behind. 

    They're silent as they watch me pack up Alic's things. I take my time, not because I'll particularly miss him, but because he was still Aaric's brother. Gods what was I going to say to him. I notice a piece of paper sticking out of one of his books, and I flip it open to the page. It's a drawing of him and his brothers. 

    I drew it for him, for his birthday. There's writing on the back, it's his own. A gift from Avari, a girl too sweet for the Rider's Quadrant. One I will protect. 

    I don't even realize I'm crying until Xaden is pulling me into his arms. "I'm sorry." I whisper. "He wasn't a good person, but he thought we were friends, how could he just condone what they were going to do." 

    I pull away wiping at the tears. I close the book, only to open it again and take the picture. Something for Aaric to keep. 

    "He didn't." Garrick says. I look back at him confused. "Before Xaden killed him, he made us promise to tell you something."

    "Which is?"

    "He wanted you to know he was never going to let anyone hurt you. That he made sure I was there to protect you, and that his friends had orders to kill anyone who touched you." 

    "He did?" I'm not quite believing it.

    "He was an asshole, but he did care about you Avari,"

    "Hell he was in love with you." Adds in Garrick. I take a breath, before turning back to pack the rest of his things. Once everything is secured, we head up to my room, and I leave it in my armoire. I'm not sure what I'm going to say to the Tauri family, but that's for later.

    We get our new flight leathers, and learn we get the Iron Squad patch. At the rate I'm going my clothing will be more patch then cloth. It's a nice thought, I wonder if my parents would be proud of all I've done up until now

    Before I know it we're heading outside. I rush over to Nox, excited to see him. I let down the shield.  "You know I can see you properly now." Its the first time I'm really seeing him, before it was dark, now here in the sunlight, I see my dragon in all his glory. Sgaeyl is to his right and Chradh to his left. 

    I can't wait to be up in the air, I made sure to keep my hair braided back in a loose braid, a few strands slipping out. I feel small beside him, but not in a way that scares me. 

    You are quite excited.

    "Can you blame me?" I don't miss the way the others stare at him and I. I focus on what Kaori is saying from the center of the field. His hand is up, using common lesser magic to project his voice so we can all hear. I can't wait to figure out how to use it myself.

    “…and with a hundred and twenty eight of you who bonded, keep in mind the fourty nine who did not. Who would kill to be in your place." He makes eye contact with me as he speaks. "And your dragons know that your bond is at its weakest point right now, so if you fall, if you fail, there’s a good chance your dragon might let you if it thinks the unbonded will be a better choice.”

    "Would you pick another rider?" I question. "If I failed you?"

    Never. I know who you are Avari Solaris. A girl so pure hearted that none compare. Only you could ever be worthy of my bond.

    His words are firm and certain. It sounds like a fact, like how the sky is blue, something so irrefutable. 

    "Now, we’re going to mount, then follow a series of specific maneuvers your dragons already know. Your orders are simple today. Stay in your seat,” Kaori finishes. Then he turns and breaks into a sprint, racing the dozen feet toward his dragon’s foreleg and making the vertical climb to mount.

    I grin, and quickly scale up Nox's side and into my seat. The ache between my legs somewhat noticeable but easy to block out. Kaori’s dragon launches into the sky and Nox shifts his position ready to take after them.

    Ready?

    "You have no idea just how much." We shoot off right after them, and I slide my flight goggles on immediately. I cheer as we cut across the sky. Gods I belong up here with Nox. We follow Kaori’s dragon out of the canyon and higher into the mountain range. "Hey Nox?" He makes a noise of acknowledgement. "Is there a name for my signet? I mean everyone knows about Xaden’s signet, shadow wielding. But I don't remember ever reading about mine."

    As you know magic demands balance, that balance can come in many forms. What your history has not kept record of is the existence of the balance for every shadow wielder 

    "Is it because of proximity? Or years? I know that sometimes balance takes a moment."

    That is correct, however you and the distraction are a unique case. The Empyrean will discuss next we meet. 

    "So I'm a light wielder?" The words don't feel quite right.

    Not quite Sweet One. You do more then wield what already exists like the distraction and his shadows. You create. You are what we will call a star maker. 

    Before I can respond he's going into a steep dive. I decide focusing on keeping my seat is more important then my questions right now. He takes every maneuver and makes it ten times harder. The wind whips across my face and hair, as he narrowly pulls up from the ground. I glance back and see that Sgaeyl and Chradh are putting the boys through the same treatment. By the time we land I'm half out of breath, even though all I did was hold my seat.

    Do not discredit your work today. Nox says firmly. Very few could manage to hold their seats and go through those maneuvers during their first real flight. 

    "You know you might call me Sweet One, but that's all you." I slide down his side to where Xaden is walking over. 

    Ah right on cue the distraction.

    I laugh silently at his tone. I definitely got the most expressive dragon around. "Sgaeyl is impressed with you, she says you both ride as one."

    I look over at his dragon. "Thank you." She nods her head, and I look back at him. "Nox likes to call you the distraction."

    I laugh at the offended look on his face. "Of course he does." He says giving Nox a dirty look.

    "He also told me what the dragons call my signet." I say refocusing the conversation. 

    "Isn't it light wielder?" Garrick asks joining us. I shake my head.

    "He says they'll call me star maker." They both stare at me stunned. 

    "Show us." Xaden says softly. 

    "Nox?" I question, every time I've used my signet, it's been accidental. 

    Relax Sweet One, you already know what to do. Rely on your instincts, let the power burn through you, we can refine your skills later.

    I take a breath, and close my eyes. I do as he says, I let my instincts take control, and feel the power beneath my skin. I open my eyes and move my hands, it takes a moment but then there is a ball of pure white light. Everyone around us stops and stares, even Professor Kaori.

    I envision a night sky, the hundreds of thousands of stars up there, and press my hands against the ball from the top and bottom. In a soft flash, there are small balls of light spanning as far as I can see, in every direction. The further they are the more blue they seem to be.

    Xaden’s shadows shoot out as thin tendrils of black that circle each ball like a ring. A thicker one circles my waist, my wrist, and my ankle. As the immediate area around us becomes encompassed in a dome of shadow. 

    "That's outstanding." Professor Kaori whispers when I let my light fade away and his shadows retreat. 

    "That it is." We all turn to face the unknown male voice. "You both shall have class with me after the mats." That's how we meet Professor Carr.

    By the time we get to his class we are the only two in it. We sit side by side and wait for him to arrive. Its about ten minutes into class and he's still not here.

    "Are you sure this is the right room?" Xaden asks, as we play hangman on a spare piece of paper. "Any L's"

    "I'm sure, I triple checked with Selena." I add another body part. "No L's, I forgot how bad you are at this game."

    The door slams open and in walks Professor Carr, with a stack of books. "Apologies for my lateness. I had to look deep in the Archives for these." He places it on his desk, and looks at us. "This is a first you know." 

    "What is?" I ask.

    "Having two signets start to channel together, much less have them be each others balance. It's amazing." I share a glance with Xaden. 

    This dude was clearly viewing us like some type of experiment gone right, or worse a discovery to be tested. 

    He will not lay a hand on you rest assured. I have warned his dragon what will happen if he does.

    "And Xaden?" He grumbles, like actually grumbles. 

    The distraction too.

    "Thank you Nox." He brushes it off and I keep from laughing, my dragon is so dramatic. 

    "Now, a shadow wielder we havent had one of those in a while. You will be useful on the frontlines." I hate the thought of that. Xaden forced to face death on a daily basis.

    "You however, there is no recorded signet that deals with light, at least not the way you control it." He looks at me like I'm a puzzle he's trying to solve.

    "Nox says the dragons are going to call me star maker. If that helps." He goes silent, most likely confirming with his own dragon.

    "Remarkable." He whispers. "Front and center, the both of you." We do as he says and stand in front of each other. "Focus on the power flowing through your veins. Feel it, its there, begging to be used." We look at each other and the shadows in the room start to come alive. I focus on the warmth I feel, and slowly I see my arms start to glow. Professor Carr watches us, as our signets reach for each other. "Are you both controlling where they're going?"

    Xaden shakes his head. "No, they just reach for her." 

    "My light wants to well do that." I point to where it seems to be playing with the shadows. They circle and dart around each other.

    "See if you can force them apart. Call it back towards you." I focus on the light by my feet, forcing it back towards me. It feels like I'm trying to drag a horse through a door.

    I'm sweating and exhausted but I manage it. Xaden seems to be having an even harder time. "Move there and take a break." Carr orders me, pointing across the floor. 

    I ground myself to let my light fade. Channelling is constant, and even if you weren't actively using it, it was always there ready to be called upon. I watch as Carr talks Xaden through controlling his shadows. 

    It seems to work, aside from the one stray one that makes a home on my wrist. I laugh holding up my wrist for him to see. "Lose something?"     

    "Hilarious Sunfire. How about you try and control something whose only goal is to reach me." There is no heat in his words, if anything he seems almost proud of the sight of shadow on my wrist.

    "Cadet Solaris, make yourself glow like before." Professor Carr looks like he has a theory he wants us to try out. I do as he says, allowing for the light glow I've adopted appear. "Brighter." He demands. I focus and like a star, I burn bright. The shadow on my wrist burns away and the white hue turns to the silvery blue I had this morning. 

    "What?" I start to let the light fade but Professor Carr shakes his head.

    "Keep it bright, Riorson approach her slowly." Xaden slowly walks towards me, the closer he gets the more white the light becomes until he's right in front of me. He reaches up and tucks away a strand of my hair, allowing his fingers to brush my cheek as he does so. 

    I glow the purest white I've ever glowed. His shadows unleash, they circle us, blocking away the rest of the world. I start to understand it, we are the beginning and end of all things.

    Professor Carr stares at us, and before either of us can react sends a fireball right at us. Our signets seem to move us on instinct. Mine creates a wall of light, burning the fire away, whereas Xaden’s shadows knock Professor Carr to the ground.

    He gets right back up and rushes to the board. "I think you broke him." I whisper to Xaden, he just takes my hand and we walk over to where Professor Carr is drawing something on the board.

    "See this series of circles." We nod, its kinda hard not to. There are several rings of circles within one another. On one side is an R and the other an S. Different colours for each circle and corresponding letters.

    Probably for Riorson and Solaris. "Oh." I say understanding. "Our signets are strongest together." He nods.

    "Because we are each others balance, that's why she glows white near me."

    "I believe it's because your signet is the balance to hers. When in close proximity to you her power is at its purest, and yours is at its most alert."

    By the end of the class he has decided we will be given private lessons with him, as well as the general class. He doesn't say the words, but it's clear he wants to study how our signets work together.

    Once we're finally allowed to leave we haul our asses to dinner. Garrick, bless his soul, had the foresight to already have food waiting for us. I don't even pay attention to what I've eaten, I just rest against his arm. 

    I must have fallen asleep, because I wake up to Xaden carrying me back to our private dorms. "I can walk." I say between yawns.

    "Go back to sleep love." I don't argue, I'm too tired for it. I'm half awake when we get to my room, and he helps me change into my shorts and tank top. He tucks me into bed and I guess that means they did get me a new one. He leaves only to return before I even notice he had left. He crawls into bed beside me, and I finally let myself succumb back to sleep.

    There's a pounding at the door that wakes us both up. He gets up to answer it and I whine at the loss of his heat. "Its for you." He says allowing for the door to swing open.

    "Selena?" I question, shooting out of bed. "Is Alastair okay?" I'm wide awake now, the panic at something happening to him chasing away my tiredness. 

    "He's okay." She reassures. "King Tauri and his sons are here." Oh it's that time already.

    "Where are they?"

    "The burn turret." I nod.

    "I just need a few minutes to change and I'll head there." She nods and glances at a still shirtless Xaden and gives me an approving look. I shut the door, and start to change back into my fighting leathers, as well as a long sleeve shirt under my corset, the winter weather was already starting to penetrate the nights. 

    "I'll be back soon babe." I reassure, but he's still standing in the middle of the room watching me get ready. "Xaden go back to sleep." He nods and gets back in bed, leaving a space for me when I get back. I kiss him lightly, before grabbing Alic's pack and slipping out of the room.

    It's quite in the Quadrant, which shouldn't be surprising given the hour, yet it is. My feet follow the path with ease inspite of never having been there before. Its as I'm walking through one of the halls that I realize there are no mage lights on. I can still see as though there were.

    Yes, you can see in the dark.

    I jump at Nox's voice in my head. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" I question, starting up the stairs. 

    My rider is up, therefore so am I. My dragon is a total sweetheart.

    "So I can see in the dark, glow, and create shields."

    Don't forget burn things. He adds helpfully. There is more to discover Sweet One, patience.

    "You've seen my memories, you know I am notoriously bad at that." I reach the top at this point, and take a breath before stepping out.

    "King Tauri." I say bowing before him. "Princes Tauri." They stop me before I bow.

    Aaric gets to me first hugging me tight. I match his intensity, of all the royal family, he is my favourite. "Hey princess." He whispers.

    "Hey Aaric." He lets me go after another moment, and I get a brief hug from his brother. I step before the King and I slide off the pack, presenting it to him.

    "My son's belongings." I nod. "Tell me what you know of his death."

    "During Threshing, he and fourteen others joined together to hunt down Tavis, Riorson, and myself." I force myself to tell him the truth, this was a test. "I figured my odds were better with alongside someone then against all fifteen, especially with their intent to rape me before they killed me." 

    "Alic wouldn't." Whispered one of the boys.

    "We split up when they found us, Prince Alic was not part of the four that chased me. After we survived Threshing, Riorson and Tavis informed me of his death."

    "Which one killed my son."

    "As he was about to kill Tavis, Riorson appeared and tackled your son to the ground. Before he killed him, Alic made them swear to tell me that he never would have allowed them to touch me, that he loves his brothers, and respects his father." 

    I made the last part up, but what they didn't know, wouldn't hurt them. The bit about his brothers is true, the setting was the only lie. 

    He takes the pack from my hand, and I turn to leave but Aaric grabs my hand. "Stay please." I nod, and stand beside him, as his father throws in the pack, I take advantage of the surge of flames. I slip him the drawing, and he tucks it out of sight.

    As the flames die down, his father speaks again. "It has been said that you and the traitors are remarkably close. There are even reports that you and Riorson are involved." There it is.

    "I am close with him." I confirm. "It's what got me my signet, the perfect counter to his." I lift up my hand, and let a small ball of light appear. "My parents used to say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. If they had done better job at that, they'd still be here today." 

    It works, he believes me. He always does, it's the anger in my eyes that sells my words. He just always fails to realize who the anger is really for. 

    "A true Solaris indeed, is there anything to be concerned of?"

    "No your highness. Up until now they have been concerned with surviving and bonding." He nods understandingly. There's pride in his gaze as he squeezes my shoulder and heads down the stairs. 

    It makes me sick, and I force myself to follow after them. I was getting use to not having to play the role anymore. We part ways at the bottom, and as soon as they're out of view, I feel the tension easing from my shoulders. 

    Nox seems to relax too. He stayed with me the whole time, even if there was no need for it. "You can go to sleep now." 

    I will once you return to your room. 

    We don't speak as I walk back, but his prescence is there, and I feel loved. I finally make it back to my room, and quietly slip in. 

    "Night Nox."

    Goodnight Sweet One.

    I'm careful to make as little noise as possible as I strip out of my leathers. I am so tired, I'm half tempted to sleep nude. Still I put on my shorts and tanktop, that are still slightly warm from when I was in them before.

    I lift the blanket up, and as soon as I'm laid down and comfortable. Xaden is pulling me closer to him, he kisses the side of my head. "You waited up for me." I say in disbelief.

    "I'll always wait for you." His arm secures itself around my waist. "Now sleep love. You need it." I don't argue, and let his heartbeat drift me away.

Chapter Text

    The next few weeks are spent learning all I can about what I can do. It turns out that there were light wielders, they all met an early death, that's why I couldn't find any records. Further research shows that none of them were called star makers. Nox says the reason for that is because they never had the power I do. He says that with training and time, I could create the same degree of power that fuels the sun, that I could create my own stars.

    He says that the Empyrean believe Xaden and I to be a form of balance. That we will be stronger then any other before us, and perhaps any who come after. They attribute it to our connection, that who we are and we mean to each other, that our past, is determining our future. Command is already talking about stationing us at the same outpost after graduation. I'm hoping that will be the case, but for now its still on the table. General Melgren is pushing for us to be at separate outposts on the frontlines, he can go fuck off.

    Magic works in ways even they don't understand. Balance is one of the few things we do know it needs. As it stands, it seems as though it chose us to carry that out. I can't help but believe that maybe that means we're supposed to be side by side. It clicks one day in training, why Nox doesn't like Xaden. It isn't because of Xaden himself, its because of what he is, my counterpart. Magic chose us to balance one another, if one of us was gone well Nox thinks there might be a price to pay, and he knows me. He knows that if Xaden ever died, I wouldn't care to live anymore. 

    So I focus and push myself through every class. I don't just control light, I create my own. It's what sets me apart from those before me. I let that be the mantra that pushes me forward. Late at night after I'm tired from training and spent after Xaden splits me apart until I'm seeing stars, do I stare at the sky. I wonder if I really could add to the endless collection above me. The power in my veins always seems to jump at the thought, like its begging for the chance to show what it can do. 

    I start small the first thing I learn to control is my ability to see in the dark. It takes me two weeks to be able to control it without issue. Which means I spent two weeks barely sleeping. What little sleep I did get was only because of Xaden, who enjoyed the challenge of fucking me until I couldn't keep my eyes open. I learned what worked best for me was using grounding to control my abilities. Its all too easy to envision his former room and the oil lamp on Xaden's desk, I choose that as the source for my night vision. When the lamp was burning I was using it, when it was off, my vision was normal. 

    It didn't work for everything though. Like my shields or physical light for attacks. That came from in the moment, a combination of my instinct, envisioning, and the power itself. Professor Carr says that a lot of what I can do overlaps with shadow and fire signets. Like a fire wielder, I can change the colour, brightness, and temperature of my light. I can use it to burn something to ash in a blink of an eye, or melt metal before anyone can react.

    No matter how hot I make the light, it never burns me, and neither does fire either. Professor Carr thinks its because my light burns even brighter and doesn't harm me. I can also control how much it can affect someone else if at all. Carr pushes me every lesson we have, its during one of these where he pushes me too far. We're on a mountain top, far enough away from Basgaith that I won't accidentally burn anything down again.

    "Focus your power, let it escape." Sweat is dripping off my skin, and Xaden is watching me with concern. "You are the star maker, show that you deserve the name." He sends a series of fireballs at me, I shoot down each one with my own light. "Better, but you can do more. Stop holding back." 

    He doesn't let up, and I miss deflecting one, it hits my shoulder, it doesn't burn my skin, but the force sends me back and I stumble to my knees. "Alright that's enough." Xaden interjects anger dripping with every word, his shadows swirling protectively around me.

    "Then take her place." Professor Carr is fighting to kill and when he sends a wave of fire at Xaden, I don't think. I just feel. The urge to protect him overpowers my exhaustion, my doubt, it overwrites all else. I create a shield around Xaden and let go. My power shoots out of me in a blinding flash. All that exists as far as I can see is my light. Its bright, pure, and simply raw power.

    Nox is growling in my head, but I can barely hear what he's saying, my only focus is on Professor Carr, who got knocked to the ground from my attack. His skin is burned, and his left eye looks off. He's staring at me like he's never seen me before. I move towards him intent on finishing what he's started. The ground shakes and I turn to face the incoming threat, then my vision isn't my own, it's Nox's.

    I can see myself through his eyes. My eyes are glowing pure white, my body is covered in a flame like light, it moves and mimics an actual fire. There's blood on my knees, and my clothes are burned through on my shoulder, none of those are what I notice first though. That privilege goes to my legs and feet, which aren't on the ground, but instead hovering above it.

    My vision snaps back to my own, and my body drops towards the ground. Xaden catches me and I see the panic on his face as my vision starts to darken. I am unbelievably tired, I feel it down to my bones. He's saying something but I can't hear a word. There are tears on his face, and I don't understand why. Everything fades to black before I can reach up and wipe them away. 

    My eyes slowly open, and I look around me. A quick scan tells me where I am. The healers. Fuck why does everything hurt. Nox. I reach out in a panic and realize he's there already. 

    Sweet One. He says, there's relief in his voice.

    "What happened? I don't remember anything after Professor Carr got me in the shoulder." He replays the memory for me, and that explains why everything hurts sort of. 

    I have spoken to his dragon, he will not risk your life in the pursue of questions.

    "Risk my life?" 

    Yes Sweet One, you almost died.

    Oh that explains everything. "Is Xaden alright?"

    The distraction is fine. You made sure he was protected, he brought you back here. He was worried about you, if it weren't for Sgaeyl interfering I fear he would have killed your professor.

    I grin. "Careful Nox," I say teasingly. "It almost sounds like you approve of him."

    He ignores me and continues speaking. Him and the large one have been trading shifts with you when they can. Your distraction has left a shadow to watch over you.

    I sit up, and notice the shadow on my arm. "You can go tell your dad that I'm fine." It squeezes me lightly. "What happened to Carr?"

    You burned him and blinded his left eye.

    "Shit. How much trouble am I in?"

    None, it was his own fault for pushing you too far, and Nolon was able to repair the damage.

    He sounds so tired. "Have you slept at all?"

    I was waiting to know you were alright. 

    "I'm okay Nox, you can sleep, I'll leave the shields down so if something happens youll be the first to know." He thinks it over before agreeing. 

    After that I flag one of the nurses down. They perform a few tests, and finally tell me to use my signet. "Just do something small." I nod, and make a little pyramid in my hands. 

    "Is that alright?" She nods.

    "Perfect dear, I'm going to go grab you something to eat, and you can leave later this evening." I barely pay her any mind, my focus is on my creation.

    It's almost like its alive in my hand, it's not pulling just at me, like before. Whenever I'd use my signet, it always pulled at me, demanding more, asking me to not hold back. Now it pulls at me, and it's not just from my bond with Nox, but from the sky too. The light starts to turn white, Xaden is nearby, and the doors slam open. I hear two sets of footsteps, and I know it's Garrick with him. The curtain is thrown open, and they both stare at me. 

    "Shouldn't you be in class?" They both cross the room, and I'm pulled into the most awkwardly angled double hug of my life. 

    I still feel so weak, but I manage to hug them back. Once they let me go, Xaden is kissing me for all we're worth, and then he immediately jumps to berating me. "Fucking hell Avari you could've died." Xaden's voice isn't loud, but it feels like I'm being screamed at all the same. "What were you thinking?"

    "I wasn't." I admit, and they both look at me uncertain. 

    "What do you mean sweetheart?" Garrick sits on the edge of my bed, taking my hand reassuringly.

    "I wasn't thinking, I just felt, and all that mattered to me, to my power, was protecting Xaden." I'm not sure I'm explaining this right. It makes sense in my mind, but trying to verbalise it, that's another thing.

    "I understand what you mean. My shadows are the same about you." I'm relieved he understands what I'm getting at. "But you could've burned out, you almost did."

    I glance around and make sure no one's listening. Xaden picks up on what I'm doing and casts a sound shield around us. "I don't think so. It didn't feel like how they describe burning out, it was more like I was burning away."

    "Meaning?" Garrick asks.

    "This is going to sound crazy, but when the nurse had me use my signet something was different." I created the same triangle from before. "When I use my signet it usually pulls from within me, from my bond with Nox, its basic channelling."

    "Right thats how it is for all of us." Xaden remarks, letting one of his shadows circle around my arm. "Is it not channelling correctly?"

    "It is and isn't." They both give me confused looks. "Its not just pulling from my bond with Nox anymore, its pulling from the sky."

    "What?" They shout in unison.

    "Its letting me pull from the sky." I clarify, they both look like they have a thousand things to say each, but before they can, the nurse is coming back. Xaden drops the sound shield, and she places a tray on my lap. We wait for her to walk away before he raises it again. 

    "You're drawing power from the sky?" I nod, tearing off a piece of bread and dipping it into the beef stew. As I eat we discuss what this means, and if its true. 

    "Listen the only way to know for sure is for me to ask Nox. So as soon as he's up I will." They both nod and that ends that topic. 

    The bell sounds, and Garrick sighs getting up. "I'll come and get you when they release you." I nod glancing at Xaden.

    "What about you?" 

    "Training with Carr." There's a bit of hate in his tone. Garrick gives me another tight hug, kissing me on my forehead before heading out. "I almost lost you." Xaden whispers, his finger brushing my cheek.

    "I know, I'm not sorry. I would do anything for you." He sighs. 

    "I'm well the fuck aware, you don't consider the fact that I care more about you, my - then anything else." I don't quite get the word he says in the middle.

    "Did you say my life or my light?" Or maybe he said my wife, my traitorous mind offers. 

    "Aren't they the same thing." He kisses me softly. "You, Avari Solaris, are my life and my light." 

    "I love you."

    "I love you more Sunfire." I want to ask him to stay, but I know he'll get in trouble for it. 

    Its like he can read my mind, because he just takes a seat in the chair beside the bed. "How long did you spend here?"

    "All night every night youve been in here." The nurse says taking my empty tray. She looks between us two and seemingly comes to a decision. "If he agrees to keep an eye on you for the rest of today, I'll let you leave now."

    "Well babe?"

    "I won't let her out of my sight." He promises and before I can object, he's picking me up like a new bride. 

    "I can walk you know. She said keep an eye on me, not carry me." I catch the amused look on the nurses face as he carries me out.

    "I consider it the same thing." 

    "Asshole." I'll never admit it but he's right to carry me. I have no energy, and definitely would not be able to manage all the stairs.

    He helps me undress, and washes my hair for me. It takes a little bit of time, considering the ash and blood dried on my skin. When I'm finally clean and in one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers do I get to crawl into his bed. He spoons me, careful not to hold me too tight. 

    It's exactly what I need to feel better and as I'm starting to drift off I remember something. "I'm not sure if I'm recalling this correctly, but was I flying?"

    "You were, like a star come alive, a true goddess." 

    "Do you think I could do it again." He nods.

    "If there is one thing I know without a doubt its that once you start something, you don't stop until you achieve it." I fall asleep in his arms, and sleep straight until the next morning. They send me right back to training that night. Xaden and Garrick both hate it.

    I discover like Xaden's shadows I can make my light solid and firm, but his shadows are more fluid then my light. It's almost like they're sentient. The light I create is just that, light, until I make it otherwise. I can shape it into projectiles, whips, even just curved waves that I tend to favour against bigger targets. Its ironic, his shadows are better suited for defense but he's all about offense. Whereas my light is meant for offense, yet I utilize it as defense. 

    Maybe a week after my incident Xaden has a private lesson with professor Carr and Garrick is off with Annalise. They got their own signets in the weeks after us. Garrick is an air wielder and Annalise can summon objects.

    I decide to seek out Blake, I was hoping to get his help. I was struggling with changing the sizes of my projectiles as well as separate control. Truthfully though, I missed him and the boys, that's the real reason I'm searching for them. He's in the gym as usual.

    "Hello idiots." The past few months I've made my own little place in their group. Its nice to have something separate from Xaden and Garrick, I feel selfish for it.

    It's not selfish to have something for yourself. Nox says gently. You are allowed to have people just for you.

    "Hey sunshine, how's training going." I sigh, sitting down on the mat. 

    "I'll show you." With practiced ease a series of silvery blue balls circle me. No matter how many times people see it, they're always amazed by what I do. They're in perfect uniform, circling at a set speed, the same size, it's picture perfect. Bruce reaches over and touches one of them. I let it burn red, but so do the rest.

    "No matter what I try, I can't get them to be different from each other." I say bringing them all together into one form. 

    "I can help." Bruce says sitting down across from me, Blake and Gray take to the mat beside us. 

    "Gods I hope so, Carr is driving me insane." He holds out both of his hands, palms up, twin flames appearing.

    "Alright copy me." I do as he says, letting two balls of red light float above my palms. "Focus on the one in your left hand, ignore the other but don't let it disappear." 

    He shows me what he means, when one of his hands burns brighter then the other. I focus the power towards my left hand. 

    "Okay what next?" I ask once I'm sure I can hold it the way he wants me too. 

    "Now pick a colour and change it to that, while focusing only on that hand. If it fails, just pick a different colour and focus again." He demonstrates and the same hand burns an intense orange.

    It takes me three tries, going from orange to green to purple before I get it. Finally the one in my left hand is a soft purple, while the one in my right is green. 

    "Okay, now this part you'll hate, but equalize the power your channelling to both, but keep them different."

    He's right I do hate it. "Fuck this." I mutter getting up after an hour of failed attempts. 

    "Alright sunshine let's get some of that anger out." Blake takes me to the side, and slips on the punching pads. I don't say anything as I punch at his hands. A few of my hits sends him back a little, and it does help me feel better. Once I start hitting my stride he stops me. "Sit with me, do what you were before." 

    "Seriously Blake, I can't do it. I've been trying for the past week, and today was the most progress I've ever managed." Since starting to channel from the sky as well as Nox, its become harder to do more complex things like this.

    "Just let me try this and if it doesn't work you can go back to kicking my ass." I sigh but sit down. It takes me a few minutes before I manage the two different coloured lights. 

    "Alright what's your idea?"

    "Have I ever told you about how horses have it out for me?" Has this man gone crazy?

    "What?" I ask not sure if I heard correctly. "Did you say horses have it out for you?" He nods.

    "So my uncle, he has a lot of land and built this giant stable, and he rents out space to the neighbours so they can keep their horses there."

    "Right? Still not getting how we get to the horses having it out for you part?"

    "Patience sunshine." I stick my tongue out at him but let him continue. "So in the summers my uncle would pay me for helping out in the stables. Its there things took a turn." 

    "Are you telling her about the horse conspiracy." Gray asks coming over.

    "Oh its a conspiracy now?" I say teasingly. 

    "Create eight more lights." Then he continues. "It is a conspiracy."

    "Bruce come join us, I'm not sitting through this alone again." He jogs over joining our little group. 

    "As I was saying it started with the Mccarthy horse. That beast hated me, everytime I came to feed him he'd try and take a bite out of me." 

    "Are you sure?" He nods.

    "Hear him out Avari." Gray says like he believes him about it being a conspiracy.

    "Then slowly every time I interacted with any horse something would go wrong. I swear one of them tripped me and I fell face first into a dirty bucket." He goes on to tell us about several other instances that occurred over that summer.

    "I mean its not necessarily a conspiracy, it could just be extremely bad luck." I argue.

    His eyes darken as though relieving a horror. "Oh gods, you just had to say that." Mutters Bruce.

    "It was August seventeenth, six-fourty two in the evening," I clearly triggered something. "I was on my way out, I had a date, I was careful not to say a word about it around the horses, but its like they knew." His voice trails off like its hard to talk about.

    "Its okay bro, you can do this." Gray says reassuringly. What the actual fuck is going on?

    "My uncle came in and said to just bring in one of the horses and I would be clear to leave. So I headed out to the pen, I followed the prints in the mud and found the horse with ease. I was leading her back when the Mccarthy horse showed up." 

    "What?" That was kind of suspicious. 

    "It stared me down and then nodded once, and before I could react the horse I was leading started running at full speed. I was being dragged beside her, and before I could let go of the rope she suddenly stopped."

    "Then what?" I think I know where this is going. 

    "I went flying through the fence and into the food waste trough I blacked out on impact. When I woke up I was covered in mud and moldy food, being dragged by an entirely different horse. I still don't know how they tied the rope to my foot."

    "Damn that's-" Bruce cuts me off.

    "He's not done."

    "It gets worse?"

    "It gets worse." They all confirm in unison.

    "It turns out my date had come over early and saw the whole thing. She went and got my uncle, who rode over and got the horse to calm down long enough to untie me. He put me on his own horse and we rode back, once I got off, said horse kicked me right in the ribs. I doubled over in pain, and ripped my pants open in front of my date."

    "That's..." I trail off.

    "I had gone commando that day, and ended up with three broken ribs."

     "Fuck it is a conspiracy." 

    He grins. "Glad you agree, and I told you my idea would work." I look down and sure enough each one of the lights were a different colour, and more importantly I was using the exact same amount of power for each one. 

    "You distracted me." I say realizing what he did. "I can't believe that worked." 

    "Of course it did, you get in you head about making things work. All I had to do was get you out of that state, and you did the rest." It was like something clicked, after that it was so easy to change between each attack and form.

    It was fluid, I moved with ease, no hesitation in what I was doing. I decide to go to the range and I struck a row of targets perfectly. Each dagger of light pierces through the board in a bullseye. I spend a week practicing different attacks, both single and multiple to truly ensure I had the control I wanted. 

    Then I went back to Blake for the original problem, sizing. He's not in the gym where I first look, Gray says he's in his room. I head up flipping through my notebook.

    "I need your help." I'm focused on the notes I'm reading over when I barge into his room.

    "Kind of busy here." I look up and my breath catches. He's shirtless, water dripping off him, a towel dangerously low on his hips.

    Fucking hell has he always been this ripped. "Sorry." I quickly retreat back out into the hallway. "I'm waiting for you in the gym." I call through the door, and turn right back the way I came. I should have knocked.

    When he walks in he has a smug look on his face, and I know it's because of me. He's enjoying the fact that he had caught me off guard. I don't give him the satisfaction of looking his way. So he just crouches beside me grabbing my notes from my hand. "Now what did you need help with?"

    I grab the notebook back. "I thought that since your signet involves changing the size of things, well, you could help me figure out how to do it with mine."

    "I've seen you change the size though." He says confused, sitting across from me.

    "Yeah but not fluidly, not like the multiple lights." He gives me a knowing look and I sigh. "You really helped me last time too."

    "So basically I'm your only hope." I really want to hit him right now.

    "Yes." I say softly. 

    "It must be bad if you're admitting it." He teases.

    "Its frustrating okay. My signet is already so rare, couple it with the fact that the dragons call me star maker and." My words escape me.

    "There's pressure to live up to that." He fills it in for me.

    "Yeah there is." He gets up and walks over to Gray's pack, he takes out of the notebooks and tears out a few sheets of paper.

    "Really?" Gray shouts from where he's working out on one of the machines.

    'Its for a worthy cause." Blake yells back. He's silent as he folds one of the pieces several times before holding it out to me. 

    "Its a boat." I say dryly.

    "You could be a detective with observations like those." 

    "Ass. I meant how's a boat going to help." He answers by making it grow in his hands. "Teach me." I demand. "And don't you dare say patience."

    "Relax sunshine." 

    "Smart ass." But I do as he says, and relax. 

    "You okay if I touch you." I nod, I find it sweet that he asks even after all this time.

    "You know you don't have to ask anymore right? We're friends and its been months since the hallway incident. I'm okay." 

    "I know that, but I respect your space."

    "Just touch me already Blake." He grins and does as I say, he places the boat into my hands, and his own hold mine, locking at our thumbs. He guides my hands back and forth, and I swear it's almost like I'm controlling the stupid boat's size on my own. 

    He picks up on it because he lets go of my hands and removes the boat. I create a small ball of light, letting it hover between my hands. I breathe before moving my hands, it's stiff and choppy, but the more I do it the more fluid the movement becomes. 

    "Create more." He says softly. I make three more and look at him for instruction. He had made more boats and I watch how his hands move. He's making one grow and another shrink simultaneously. I mimic the movements and it takes some time before my light starts responding the same way. It's not fluid like his, and it's frustrating me. 

    "Why is this so hard?" I'm ready to call it quits for today.

    "Hey look at me." He says softly, his voice gentle yet commanding, a balance I didn't think could happen. "Ignore everything else, focus on me." 

    That's easy to do, I focus on the way his chest rises and falls with each breath. The fact that his hair is still a little wet, and there are a few drops of water staining the ground. I focus on his eyes, and how I have never noticed the green flecks in them. I realize how much he means to me, how much they all do. I focus on the part of me that wants to protect the first friends I made simply because I wanted too.

    The world slips away, and I'm not sure how long we're sitting here together. Eventually I'm doing it just like him, if not better.

    "Alright final test." He gets up and stands in the middle of the room. "Cover the room in light." Like that day on the flight field the room is covered in my small balls of light, only this time I shape them like a prism. The form is easy, it's basically a cube, just angled. 

    He points at different ones non stop, either saying normal, large, or small. It's a good test, and it's tiring, but I manage it. Its also a good thing its only us, Gray, and Bruce in here right now, because this was definitely a distraction. They both stop their sets to watch and then Bruce comes over and starts saying colours. Gray not wanting to be left out, goes between size and colour too. I follow their instruction, growing more tired by the minute.

    "Alright sunshine, I think its safe to say you know what youre doing now." I grin, slowly bringing all the light together, before letting it fade.

    "Professor Carr is going to be so impressed. He might start demanding you help him with his class." I get up, and nearly collapse. He's beside me in a flash, catching me before I hit the floor.

    "You okay?" He asks. 

    "Yeah, just overdid it a little." I say catching my breath. I look up and am aware of how close we are. Gray comes over and looks me over. 

    "There's nothing to mend, you just pushed too hard." He confirms.

    "Worth it." I declare, we all lay down on the mats together.

    We talk about our families, and I mention that I think Alastair might be coming down for the deployment gala. That's when different representatives come down to Basgaith for a few days, and inform the graduating class of different stations they can request to serve at. The first night is the gala, where everyone can meet in a more laid back situation. The next day you follow up different tables for information. The last day you sign up to whichever outposts you're interested in.

    "I know youre all only second years, but have you considered where you want to be deployed after graduation?"

    "Not really."

    "No."

    "Not yet." 

    That gets my attention and I sit up to look at them all. "What? Why?" They don't reply and I think it over as they avoid my eyes. "You guys don't want to be separated." I say hesitantly. 

    Blake is the one to speak. "Its stupid I know." I shake my head.

    "Its not, the years I had to go through without Xaden and Garrick were some of the most difficult of my life. Its hard to be away from your people when you know it doesn't need to be that way." 

    "So how did you manage it?" Gray asks.

    "I would replay old memories, repeat the things I knew about them. Commit every little bit of them I could to memory. Until it was like they were written in my very bones. I never knew if they were alive, and that was all I had." 

    "Our thing doesnt seem as bad anymore." Bruce mumbles.

    I shake my head. "They aren't comparable things. Its still going to feel like a part of you is missing, somedays it still feels like that." I admit. 

    "How did you survive the uncertainty, the never knowing?" Gray inquires.

    "I put my trust and faith into them. That they wouldn't let anything keep us apart, the same way I wouldn't. I held onto that through everything, that they're my family and that defies all else."  

    "Did it get easier?" Bruce asks.

    "I don't know. I think I just got better at dealing with it. When the day comes, you guys will be able to handle things whether it be together or apart."

    They all smile my way. "Thanks sunshine. You're pretty good at this reassurance thing." I shrug.

    "I have had plenty of practice on myself." I decide to let them have a moment amongst themselves. "I should get going before I miss curfew."

    They nod. "Hey Avari." I glance back. "Thank you."

    "You guys never have to thank me for anything." And with that I leave with the intention of finding Garrick and Xaden. I just need to be near them right now. To remind myself that I am not going to lose them again.

    Sweet One, you will never be alone again. That I promise you. 

    "I know Nox, I have you." 

Chapter Text

    Our day doesn't start with us asleep like most people. It starts with us wide awake. The bells having just finished ringing, signalling midnight. Avari and I are in our usual seats at my desk going over our paperwork for our meeting later today.

    "Remind me again why your dad put us in charge of this?" She asks me yet again. As she flips over a page and dips her quill into the ink before scribbling something down. 

    "Because he has other meetings to go to." I remind her for the third time, not letting her annoy me the way she's trying to.

    "How much you want to bet that Nathaniel will bring his son again?" She says instead, looking up at me.

    "He won't. He doesn't know we've taken over." There's the slight hint of a challenge in her eyes, and I know my own mirror it. "Usual stakes."

    "You're on my shadow." I grin. Avari has a way of making a few sentences feel like an entire break. We fall into an easy silence as we work. We've been here countless times before, and I don't need to say anything for her to hand me the right notes.

    I wonder if she ever thinks about how well we work together. So insync we rarely need words, always overcompensating where the other lacks. How naturally it comes to us.

    A quick glance at the clock tells me that some time has passed, at least a few hours. It's then I notice that she hasn't passed me any reports in a while.

    "What were the crop yields for the last year we used the Northern lands?" I ask, glancing over to her when she doesn't answer or just hand me the information.

    She's fast asleep which explains her lack of answer. There's a dried streak of ink on her cheek, probably from when she brushed her hair out of her face. I can't keep the small smile from appearing on my own.

    Gods this girl. Everyone is convinced that there's something there between us, from the staff to our own parents. Garrick especially, so when I tell him I don't like her, I can see it in his eyes that he thinks I'm full of shit. He's right, but denial is easier.

    Avari is everything to me. As long as there's the chance she doesn't feel the same I won't say anything. I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. You could have her as more though, my mind offers.

    Stray beams of moonlight highlight her skin, making her glow in the night, it snaps me out of my thoughts. She needs proper rest so I get up and walk over to my bed, moving the comforter back and setting up the pillows for her.

    I walk back over to her and pick her up. She's always felt too light to me. I don't know if it's because she doesn't eat enough or because I'm so used to her weight from how often I pick her up.

    I make sure to remember to tell one of the guards to have breakfast brought to the meeting room. I place her down, careful of her hair, and she doesn't so much as stirs. She just sighs, sinking into the mattress. 

    The ink on her face is still evident, and I head into the washroom to get a towel. If I don't wipe it off now, her cheek will be stained black. I keep my touch gentle, even though I know she could sleep through a storm when she feels safe.

    It's only when I'm done and about to walk away that she stirs slightly, her eyes blinking open. She looks beautiful, she always does. "Xaden." Her voice is light and airy, and she says my name like it holds all the answers.

    "Sleep Sunfire." She shakes her head, propping herself up on her elbows.

    "Not without you." She says firmly, her eyes narrowed. But in all honesty, it was like being intimidated by a kitten. I'm tempted to just take my place beside her, but there's still a little bit of work left to do.

    I gently nudge her shoulder, and she just collapses back down. I hold back my laughter. Gone is my stubborn advisor from a few hours ago. Instead, here lays my sweethearted best friend.

    "I'll join you in a minute." I promise and am not at all surprised by how quickly she agrees. She is always quick to take my word.

    I do mean to come right back, but I start to review what the notes say and then I start to plan our speech and then the rebuttals to projected arguments. Time just slips away from me as I work. 

    I nearly jump when I feel arms coming over my shoulders, but it's easy to recognise her touch. She rests her head on my shoulder as she reads over what I've written. Taking the quill from my hand she leans against me to fix a few things.

    "You said a minute." She says after she's done. There's no accusation in her tone or disappointment. it's the norm with us. Just last week, she had swore she'd go to sleep an hour after me, and I woke in the morning to find her still working.

    I lean against her, looking up to see her face. Her expression softens, and she kisses me on the forehead. I let my eyes fall shut, savouring the feeling of her.

    My eyes snap open when she steps away from me, and I watch as she walks over to lean on the edge of the desk. She looks exhausted, and I feel guilty for it. She's been pulling late nights every day this week for me.

    "Avari." I plead but she doesn't step away. She just holds her hand out to me.

    "Please." She says softly, her eyes so hopeful. How could I ever deny her? I take her hand, letting her lead me to the bed. Where she gently pushes my chest, so I sit down.

    The second I do, I realize how tired I really am. She kneels down, and I have to keep myself calm. I can never tell if she does it on purpose to tease me or if it's just what comes natural to her. The idea of her being like this with anyone else leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling.

    I barely pay attention as she throws my boots into the corner with her own. As she stands, she's guiding my shirt over my head. I let her, knowing that if this were anyone else, I'd never even be sharing the bed with them. But Avari, she is a unique case. I let myself be vulnerable with her, I share the weight on my shoulders with her. Dad says I let myself be happy with her.

    I move to my half of the bed, holding the covers up until she joins me. She settles in beside me, her hand drifting up and running through my hair. It's soothing, and I fall asleep to the sound of her heartbeat.

    When I wake up its to the sun starting to rise and creep in through the windows. Stray rays of sunlight coating the room. My only focus though is on the girl still fast asleep beside me.

    Avari is curled up against me. Her hair spread wildly behind her, her legs intertwined with my own, her hands between our chests. She was as close as she could be without sleeping on top of me.

    She looks at peace, no exhaustion or stress on her face. I never spoke about it, but I noticed. She took her role seriously, continuously taking on additional work.

    All for me.

    I've heard her talk about it with Garrick, how she's worried I'll regret having her as my advisor. Like there would ever be a day I'd regret having her by my side.

    I want to let her sleep, gods knows she doesn't get enough, but she'll be pissed if we're late to the meeting. So instead, I slip out of bed and head to her room, a mirrored layout to my own.

    I start the shower for her and head back to wake her up. "Vari." I say softly, and she shifts. "Sunfire." She peers up at me, blinking sleepily. "Good morning."

    "What time is it?" She asks between yawns.

    "About eight." She nods, and I laugh at how she struggles to keep her eyes open.

    "Come on, I started the shower for you." I pull her to her feet and watch as she shuffles off to the balcony and her own room.

    I head out into the hall, flagging down a guard, arranging for food to be delivered to the meeting room within the hour.

    I get all our notes together and organise some of the chaos only Avari can ever navigate. A quick glance at the clock tells me she should be halfway done getting ready. I get in the shower, and not even a moment later, the door opens.

    "Avari."

    "How did you know it was me?" She asks.

    "Because no one else is just barging in here." I say dryly, I can picture her rolling her eyes.

    "I'm looking for my thigh holster." She says, and I can hear her going through the pile of our clothes in the corner of the bathroom. "I swear I left it in here."

    "The brown one or the black one?"

    "Black."

    "It's in your drawer." I put that one in the drawer in my armoire, the one that quickly became hers.

    "Thanks, Xaden." She leaves right after that. She must be wearing a dress if she's looking for it. By the time I get out and dressed, she's lying on my bed reading.

    I ignore how at home she looks, like she's always belonged right here, in the middle of my life. "Ready to go?" She nods, getting up, not once looking away from the pages.

    She aimlessly reaches for her bag and slings it on. It's the one she's been using since I gifted it to her for her birthday last year.

    It's as we're walking, her eyes still firmly on her book, trusting me to be her eyes, that I realize we match. The dress she's wearing is the same shade as blue as my shirt, my pants are black, and so are her boots, holster, and bag.

    Gods Garrick is going to be insufferable once he sees us at dinner tonight. Once we turn the corner to the hallway towards the meeting room, does she put her book away.

    I see the slight change in her, the mask she slips on, and she's back to advisor Avari. The guards open the doors for us, and in we walk.

    We're the first to arrive and quickly take our seats. She perks up when she spots the table with coffee and fruit. She gets up and makes two cups, handing me one that's made just the way I like it.

    "You did this." She says once she sits down, with a large bowl of strawberries.

    "You think I didn't notice how you skipped dinner yesterday to work." She ducks her head, avoiding my eyes.

    "It wasn't on purpose." I sigh, but my reply is cut off when people start to walk in. She smirks when she sees both Walkers walk in and gives me a victorious look. "Alright gentlemen, grab some refreshments, and then we can begin."

    I watch from the corner of my eye as Jay takes the seat to her left, moving it closer to her. She stiffens slightly but keeps her expression neutral.

    I, on the other hand, don't bother hiding the glare I send his way. It's enough to get him to move his chair back a little. She looks my way and mouths a thank you.

    "If we're ready." I say, and Avari gets up to spread one of the maps along the table, careful to avoid Jay and his father, Nathaniel.

    In today's meeting its us two, the two Walkers, Nicolas Lampton, Gren Vorta, and Peter Brusson. They're the four heads for the main farming lands. Avari and I had agreed that this year, we would switch things up and use the fields for two of the families to increase crop yields and profits.

    Then, the next season, we'd switch. This would allow for money for everyone and more food for the kingdom. It is honestly a good idea. It even accounted for rest time for the fields to allow the soil to replenish.

    Avari even suggested some of the smaller farms transition into speciality crops. Which is a great idea that would need to be a whole other meeting though.

    We propose the idea already anticipating Nathaniel's objection. He's a stickler for tradition. Personally, I think it's why he has so much of a problem with Avari.

    Avari's the first of her family to be born here and will be my advisor. Typically, that honour went to a child of a loyal family. But when the time came for my father to select someone, he said only her name came to mind.

    It's why a lot of the court doesn't like her. They don't view her as one of our own, and most of them have children they had hoped would take her role. Garrick has mentioned that they also think I'll end up married to her, so that adds fuel to their hatred.

    In reality, Avari is all things Tyrrish, and she's more loyal to our people than anyone else. If she were to decide tomorrow, that she no longer wanted to be my advisor, then I simply would not have one at all. It's her or no one.

    "That is not how we do things." Nathaniel starts off, and it's really a good thing I got some food into Avari, cause when she's annoyed and hungry. Gods save whoever tips her over the edge.

    She holds it together, keeping her reaction contained, I can tell she's pissed only by the slight twitch of the side of her nose.

    "I am well aware that this is not the way we would regularly approach arranging for the new fields. However, with the Apostasy underway, we need to ensure a steady food supply." I have to sip my coffee to keep from laughing. She's explaining it to him like he's a child.

    His fists curl up, and I know we're in for a long meeting. Sure enough, he starts on a rant, one that the others try and interrupt. I know better than to intervene until he's finished, Avari however decides she has had enough.

    She stands up suddenly, her chair dragging against the floor harshly, silencing him long enough for her to interject.

    "Nathaniel, as it stands, this is not a matter for debate. This will happen, and if you continue to fight it, your fields will be on rest for the next three seasons."

    He looks to me, and I can tell from his expression that he's about to say something that's going to piss me off too. "You are not anyone of importance, Navarrian, especially considering the only title you have here is in training. It's time you let those with real power speak." He looks at me pointedly, but I focus on Avari.

    She looks stunned, and then she nods. "Very well if that's what you would prefer, but I'll remind you that I was born in this very home. There will come the day when I am no longer in training, and when I advise our King, the first thing I'll do is go over who should be employed by his crown."

    She doesn't give him time for a response. Instead, she walks right on out. "The attitude on that girl." Mutters Nathaniel.

    The doors open, and immediately, they all get up and bow. It's not Avari who walks back in, but my father, the King. "Dad."

    "Xaden, I thought the meeting had ended, I saw Avari heading out."

    "There was a misunderstanding, your majesty. You know how they are at the age, especially the girls, very emotional." My father stares at him and raises an eyebrow.

    "I see, and what exactly was it that had her reacting so emotionally as you put it?" He sits down in her discarded seat.

    "I was simply explaining to her that the plans to switch how we manage crop yields and rotations were not our way." He sighs, and we see through his act. "It's hardly her fault, being Navarrian she just doesn't know our way."

    "She is Tyrrish." I say firmly. Avari would never admit it, but it hurt her that she wasn't accepted as one of our people.

    "Not really." Jay mutters, and gods do I want to hit him.

    "Perhaps, but she is not Tyrrish enough to be allowed such a prestigious position and do the people justice. It's a betrayal to all those whose families have been loyal to the Riorson family for generations."

    "He isn't wrong." Viscount Vorta says. "I have heard others share that sentiment."

    "So have I." Viscount Lampton adds. "Many think that perhaps she should be removed from the position, and instead, it be given to a loyal family's child."

    "There is also a concern about how much Navarrian influence will be forced onto our own kingdom. After all, she may be Tyrrish, but her parents still actively serve King Tauri."

    "I see, and you doubt your King's decisions?" He asks. "Because in all the years that I have had you four decide the seasons crops, not once did you come up with any ideas that double our yield, and ensure the land can heal. Whereas Avari thought of it within one night of being tasked with it."

    That shuts them up, all but Nathaniel. "Sir, there is a solution to this to keep her in her position and still keep the nobles happy."

    "And what would that be?"

    "She could marry into one of the noble houses, take their name, that would satisfy most if not all." He places his hands on his son's shoulders, moving him forward.

    "She could marry me." Jay says, looking at me as he speaks, a smirk on his face. "It would be my pleasure to help keep tensions at bay."

    I laugh, I can't help it. "Avari would sooner carve her own lung out before marrying anyone."

    My dad surprises me when he inquires more on the idea of her marrying one of the nobles' sons. I stare at him stunned because what the fuck is he doing.

    "She'll be mine Riorson." Jay says voice low, meant only for me to hear. "Even your dad knows its a good idea. He'll order her to be my wife and take my name." He steps towards me. "She'll come home to me, carry my children, and I'll treat her for what she is a-"

    "If I were you I wouldn't dare finish that sentence." He grins.

    "You won't do shit." He looks over at my dad, the implication clear. "As I was saying, I'll treat her for what she is, a whore." I don't hesitate to tackle him to the ground. I know I won't have long before they pull me off of him, so I make ever hit count, I hear his nose crack under my fist.

    It's over too soon and I'm being pulled off of him by two of the guards. He gets a hit to my jaw as they drag me away. "You ever say that again and I swear to the gods the first thing I'll do when I'm king is strip your family of its land and title."

    "Take him out." My father orders and they drag me out onto the balcony, where they both grin.

    "We heard what he said, good hit." Marcus says with far too much joy, like he's imagining he's the one to have done it.

    "You definitely broke his nose." Sam says with pride. Out of all the guards, I'd trust him the most with Avari. Hence why he tended to be on guard wherever we would be. Surprisingly she hasn't put that together yet. Which is a relief, because if she found out he has the instruction to protect her over everyone else, including myself, she'd kill me. 

    I pace the length of the balcony, anger still flowing through my veins. Who the fuck does he think he is, acting like Avari is something to own rather than someone to earn.

    I swear with Loial as my witness if my father even so much as suggests she marry that bastard, I'll take her and run. Avari would sacrifice everything for Tyrrendor, I will not allow her to sacrifice her future happiness.

    An hour passes and my anger dies down. The sky darkens, and the air grows thick as the wind picks up. The door finally opens and I expect to see my father standing there, only it's Avari looking at me far too amused. The smile on her face drops when she sees my face. "The King says you're both dismissed, I've got it from here." They nod bowing to us both before walking out.

    She places the tray she was carrying on the table as she comes over and stands beside me. She doesn't say anything handing me a damp cloth. I use it to wipe the blood off my hands, as she simply stares out at the mountains.

    I toss it onto the table, and break the silence between us. "I'm not apologising to him, I don't care how pissed off his daddy is." She bites her lip to keep from smiling.

    "What happened?" She asks as she reaches up, her fingers lightly tracing my jaw. There's a frown on her face and I can already see the regret forming in her eyes.

    "It doesn't matter, he deserves it." Her gaze meets mine and I swear I nearly get lost in the endless shades of blue in her eyes. "Even if you were there it wouldn't have changed anything."

    "In that case the only reason you'd attack him is if he said something about someone you love. So that leaves only four options." She pauses to think. "It wouldn't be your dad, I don't see how Bodhi or Garrick could come up, so that leaves your mom."

    I look at her, does she seriously not consider herself on that list. "He was talking about you." I interrupt. "He was saying how you'd be his, like you were some kind of object he could own." Gods I should've hit him harder. "He said he'd treat you for what you are, and I just snapped."

    "You lost control because of me." She says it in disbelief.

    "Why is that so surprising to you?" She looks away, and I'm confused as to how we got here. Did something happen? "Avari." I say her name as a warning, ready to start making my way through people to figure out why she's shut down. 

    She doesn't respond, and my mind is made up, I'm halfway to the doors when she speaks, its barely audible over the wind. "I never know if I'm loved." I whip back around to face her. "I don't think I am capable of being loved." She clarifies, still refusing to look at me.

    "What?" Her words hurt, how have I never noticed she feels this way? I walk back over and gently guide her face to look at me, there are silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "Talk to me." She shakes her head, and I am this close to getting on my knees and begging her. "Please Sunfire."

    "I'm not sure I'm capable of being loved." She repeats softly, her eyes holding a pain I've never seen before.

    "Why would you ever think that?" I demand needing an answer, and to know who's ass to kill. 

    "My parents." She admits, looking back out towards the mountains. "They never stay Xaden. For as long as I can remember they come and go as they please, and I understand that they have a job, but they could stay an extra day or two and no one would say anything." She takes a breath. "How can I believe I'm loved when they never even think of spending time with me, and if my own parents dont love me enough to stay then how could anyone else?" Thunder shakes the sky, fueling her point.

    Everything starts to click together, the way she always takes on more work, why she doesn't want to get married, how ready and available she is to help. Like if she isn't of service, no one would want her around. I run through my mind, and realize I don't remember ever hearing anyone say the words to her, least of all her parents.

    Gods she really doesn't think anyone loves her. I'm at a loss for words. "I'm sorry." She whispers, stepping away. "I shouldn't have said anything."

    "You have nothing to be sorry for Vari." I pull her into a tight hug. "I love you." She freezes, and that's what does me in. "I love you so fucking much and I will say it and prove it as many times as you need me too. Until you know, without a doubt, that you are loved." 

    Her body shakes and as she cries, so do the skies. We stand there in the pouring rain, and I whisper it to her over and over. That I love her, because I had always shown it, but I never said it. 

    Words don't mean anything without the actions to match, and action don't mean shit if you can't even say the words. They need to match otherwise there will always be doubt. Avari said it before in regards to something else entirely, but it fits perfectly for this. 

    She stops crying and I don't stop holding her. Gods was I an asshole. The amount of times she's said I love you to me, and not once did I say it back. That would be the first thing to change. 

    I don't let her go, not until she finally pulls away. Her eyes are red and puffy. I don't know why but it hurts to see her like this. You do know why, my mind supplies, it's because you are in love with her. 

    "What am I?" She asks. "Jay said he'd treat me for what I am."

    I sigh. "He called you a whore." 

    "Oh I thought it was something bad." I don't like the way she brushes it off so easily. 

    "Why are you acting like this isn't a problem?"

    She laughs before she realizes I'm serious. "You can't get mad." Which is arguably the worse way she could start a sentence. "I thought Garrick told you already, but uh its kind of a common trend with some of the noblemen."

    "That they call you a whore?" I shout. 

    "Not to my face." She reassures like that somehow makes it better. "We overheard them once, they said and I quote, 'always special treatment with that girl, you know its because she spreads her legs for the Prince and his friends.'" She shrugs like it isn't a big deal. 

    "I'll handle it." She shakes her head. 

    "No you will not." She softens realizing how harsh her tone is. "Xaden, I'm the only girl in our group and I'm relatively good looking, that alone would have gotten the odd comment. But the fact that I'm in one of the most coveted positions in the kingdom, they'll always have something to say against me."

    I shake my head and start to pace. "They should know better, everything you do, every decision you help me make, its all for our people."

    "And as long as you know that." She turns my arm causing me to face her. "That's all I care about." Another round of thunder, makes me aware of the fact that we're still out here in the rain. 

    She looks at home out here, as herself, free from everything. "Avari." I pause trying to find the words. 

    "Xaden." She says teasingly. 

    "I love you." She turns fucking bashful, which I didn't think was a word I'd ever use to describe her. 

    "I love you too." I'm not sure how long we stand there, staring at each other. Lightning streaks the sky and that sparks into running inside, our laughter echoing through the sky. 

    As we head back to our rooms, water trailing behind us does she bring up the idea of her getting married. "Your dad, he told me about how the nobles want me to marry one of their sons." She says it so easily, like that very idea doesn't fuck my world off it axis. 

    "And what did you say?" Because the only reason she'd even bring it up is if she was considering it.

    "I told him, that I'd only become the royal advisor when you're King." She reaches for my hand, the way she's always done when she's nervous or anxious. "So if its the will of my King, I'll do as he orders." I stop us in the middle of hallway, not caring who we inconvenience.   

    "Then I'm ordering you now." She is all too ready to sacrifice her future if I ordered her too. Ready to do whatever I said, it terrifies me, how she just hands her life over to me, trusting whatever I decide. 

    She strengthens her back like a soldier at the ready and nods. "So who is it?" I don't try and read the emotions in her eyes, there's far too many, the only two I focus on are the trust and love she has for me.

    "No one." I say firmly. "Anyone who has a problem with you can deal with me directly."

    She smiles, and then she says what I knew she would, she puts our kingdom first. "It will help calm the unrest between the nobles, like it or not having them happy helps you. I can always step aside-" I immediately cut her off.

    "Fuck that." She blinks in surprise. "Its you and I. All day in my head I refer to things as our people, our meeting, our kingdom. You really think if you woke up tomorrow and decided you didnt want this job anymore, I'd just choose someone else."

    "Yes?" She says it like that's the supposed to be the right answer but knows somehow it's wrong.

    "Sunfire, it could only ever be you. There is no one else I trust as much. Its you Avari Solaris, or no one at all." Its a declaration all in its self. 

    She practically glows at my words, and I can see the hint of pink on her cheeks. "Oh." 

    "I will never use your life as a political move, and the day I do, is the day you leave me." I say firmly. "Okay?" 

    I phrase it like a question, but its an order. One of the few I have ever given her. If the day ever came that I treat her like a piece on a chess board is the day I am no longer someone good for her.

    "Okay." She promises.

    We continue back to our rooms, so we can change into something less soaked. When Garrick runs into us along the way, and the moment he sees us he bursts out laughing. 

    "Did you guys try and fight the rain?" Avari rolls her eyes amused. 

    "We won clearly." He snorts, and I see the devilish look on her face. "Garrick" She says sweetly. "You have something in your hair."

    He reaches up and ruffles it, and she shakes her head. He sighs and leans down so she can remove the non existent piece of fluff. Instead she jumps up and hugs him, her legs secured around his waist, affectively soaking him too. 

    I laugh watching his expression morph from surprise to horror. A few of the staff walking through the hall stop and watch in amusement. "Still want to be a smartass." Avari taunts as he tries and pry her off of him. 

    "This is a new shirt." He complains giving up on trying to get her off of him. "I'm going to have to change now." 

    She grins dropping off of him. "I just didnt want you to feel left out." He rolls his eyes, casually moving an arm over her shoulders. 

    "You're a child." He teases. 

    "I am not." She says with a huff, which only encourages Garrick. Back and forth they go as we walk. 

    "Are too."

    "Am not"

    "Are too."

    "Am not."

    "You both are children." In unison they stick their tongues out at me. They whisper conspiratorially behind my back and everytime I turn they quickly pretend to be looking at art on the walls. 

    When Avari heads into her room to change, I turn to Garrick. "Sam already told me what happened." He reassures.

    "Good, but thats not the only problem." I toss him a shirt before changing my own. 

    "Is it the fact that you and Avari were matching." I don't need to see his face to know he has a teasing expression. I turn to face him. 

    "She doesn't think she can be loved." His expression drops and he looks confused. 

    "What?" 

    "It caught me by surprise too. But once she started to explain and I really thought about it, I don't know how I missed it." He falls silent and I know he's thinking things over. I can tell the exact moment it clicks in his mind.

    "Fuck how did we miss that." He mumbles to himself.

    "I don't know." Before we can decide how to approach this she's walking back in through the main door. 

    "We have class in ten." She reminds Garrick, we both take her in. She's wearing a skirt that goes at most halfway down her thighs, and a cropped tank top showing off her toned midriff. I feel my pants tighten and immediately move to my desk to offer some cover for my current situation.

    "Are you trying to give Blackwell a heart attack." Garrick says amused.

    "Its not my fault she's easy to rile up, besides we're hitting the gym after class." He nods and she looks over at me. "You going to survive without us?" 

    "I'll manage." She grins and they leave together, gods does she look hot in black.

    As soon as they're gone there's a knock at my door. My issue fades away as I chase away the thought of her. "Your highness, his majesty is requesting your prescence." 

    "Understood." I head out the room and towards my father's study. The elite guards open the door for me and I take a seat. 

    He looks up at me, and I can't figure out his expression. We just sit in silence with each other, and I refuse to break it first. 

    I end up breaking it but only because Avari's class is ending soon. "I'm not apologising for what I did. He deserved it for what he said."

    My dad sighs. "You can't just fight someone when they insult you." 

    "He called Avari a whore." I interrupt, sure enough he pauses. 

    "As your king, that's still not a valid reason." He grins. "As your father, you did a good amount of damage for less then a minute."

    "He just said the words and I was moving." I admit. 

    He's silent as he thinks. "I'm sure she's already told you that I've talked to her about marrying one of the nobles sons." 

    "She has."

    "So I will ask you this. Do you want her to be your advisor?"

    "Of course I do."

    "I want you to think about it son. The implications and repercussions of having Avari as your chosen advisor and subsequently your regent."

    I don't need to think about it. I meant what I said to her earlier. It's her or no one. For my father's sake I do sit there and think.

    I think of the implications of the person I'll go on to spend the most time with, is her. That everyone will always wonder what else is happening behind closed door. That our future partners may not like how close we are. That everyone will look at her as having slept her way to keeping her position. 

    I don't care what they think about me, and Avari doesn't give a fuck what they think about her, not if I'm still in her corner. We started off chosen for each other but now, now we choose one another.

    Honestly fuck the repercussions someone is always going to be upset by something. I might as well have someone I trust without a doubt by my side. Someone who will put our people first, who is all the things a ruler should be.     

    "You chose her for me then." I remind him. "I'm choosing her now and for whatever comes next. Its Avari or no one." I've said it multiple times today, yet it doesn't annoy me. I could say it everyday for the rest of my life, and it wouldn't be any less true.  

    He looks at me with pride, like he was expecting to hear nothing else from me. This was a test, a show of what was to come. That every step of the way they would try and tear her away from me, it's a laughable idea. There is no force in this world that could ever separate us, least of all this fucking court.

    The doors open, and in walks the topic of our conversation. She has a playful pout as she speaks. "You didn't pick me up from class." 

    "Sorry Sunfire, had to sort some things out with dad." Her eyes light up. 

    "Ooh someone's in trouble." She sing songs. "How long did it take for you to cave and talk?"

    "An hour." My dad supplies.

    "Looks like my stubborness finally rubbed off on you a little." My father laughs and his demeanour softens. 

    "That it has." He nods to the door. "I'll see you both at dinner." 

    "Garrick is waiting for us in the training room." Avari bounds over and gives my dad a quick hug. "Bye Uncle Fen." She's out the door when my dad speaks. 

    "Xaden." I turn back to look at him. "I'm proud of you." 

    "Thanks dad." Avari is already halfway down the hall when she looks back at me. 

    "Are you coming?" 

    "Of course, can't let Garrick have all the fun of kicking your ass." She scoffs and immediately launches into a rant about how we're all evenly matched. 

    By the time we make it to the training room she's a ball of energy, inspite of it being roughly twenty four hours since her last proper meal. 

    There's a group of kids our age, the sons of other members of court. Great. They all stare at Avari, not that she pays them any mind. I swear I see one drool. 

    She gets right onto a mat and Jay immediately takes the other end, his face all healed from a mender. He glances at me, smirking at the bruise on my jaw. 

    "What do you say Avari, think you can handle me?" She barely spares him a glance, she's focused on spotting Garrick.

    "I'm looking for a challenge Walker." The guys he's with laugh at the insult, and he clutches his fist before smirking. 

    "Then let's make it interesting, when I win you spend the night with me." 

    She raises an eyebrow. "I'm not interested in a bet." 

    "Scared you'll lose." She looks over at me and I can tell she wants to kick his ass. 

    "What does she get when she wins?" I ask, because she's going to win so what's the prize.

    "What does she want?" 

    "You leave her alone." 

    "Deal." He says with a grin. "But after tonight she'll be begging to stay by my side." Avari looks annoyed, and that's a good thing. Most people when annoyed and angry, they fight like shit, Avari however is not most people. 

    "One round, winner takes all." He nods and Avari walks over to me. "You're not going to lecture me?" I shake my head.

    "Kick his ass." She nods throwing her hair up into a ponytail. Garrick makes it over to us by this point, and quickly puts together what's about to go on.

    "If you lose I'll disown you." He warns.

    "Then I might just have to lose."

    "Don't." We say in unison and she laughs.

    "I was kidding." She glances over to where Jay is taking off his shirt. "I'm going to make him regret ever coming here today."

    "That's my girl." I ignore Garrick's teasing look as she gets on the mat.

    They each take their side and one of the guards mediates. "Three, two, one. Begin!" She doesn't even give him time to react before she's on him.

    She runs through a perfect sequence of punches that I taught her just last week. The last hit gets him square in the jaw and he stumbles back. "Not so cocky now are we?" 

    She's purposely taunting him, knowing he'll rush at her. Sure enough he does, and she spins out of the way tripping him in the process. She's on top of him right after that. Arms pinned behind his back with no remorse, she makes it hurt, which isn't her usual style.

    She locks eyes with me, a smirk on her face. She's making him suffer for me. He refuses to yield even though he's clearly lost. "Yield." She orders. 

    "I'm not yielding." She leans down and whispers something to him we can't hear. "You bitch!" She grins and slams his face into the mat. A loud cracking resounding through the room.

    There's blood everywhere. "I said yield." I don't know how he still thinks he's going to win this.

    "I'm not yielding to you." The guard who's supervising hasn't stepped in yet, if anything he looks like he's enjoying the fight too.

    "Then I'll make you." She pulls his arm up and to the side, there's a sickening pop as it's dislocated. 

    "I yield!" He yells and she gets off him. His friends come over and help hold him up. 

    She pats his cheek and in a mocking voice says. "You almost had me." Garrick and I laugh, it only pisses him off more, and with his good arm, goes for her face. 

    His movement is sluggish, and she easily dodges it, putting both hands on his shoulders and kneeing him right in the groin. 

    Everyone winces as he goes down. "Maybe that'll teach you what happens when you go after what's mine." Then she turns back to us with a smile on her face and blood on her fingers. 

    "That was hot." Someone mumbles and she doesn't pay it any mind.  

    "So can we train now?" She asks. 

    "You going to kick our asses if we say no?" 

    She grins. "Maybe." Her tone is teasing as she walks over to the weapons booth. "My bow and arrows please." 

    The guy hands them over to her, and she straps the belt her quiver is on across her waist. Garrick and I move to the mat closest to the range, swords in hand.

    While she shoots, we fight. Every now and then I glance over to see her hitting thrown targets dead on. It's honestly a sight to behold, she's absolutely lethal, and completely zoned in.  

    The quiver at her side is strapped to her leg, like its molded onto her, and when she drops and rolls, she still hits her target dead on. 

    "So what do you think she said to him before she broke his nose?" Garrick asks while we hit the weights. 

    "No clue, but she did not have an ounce of restraint with her actions." It reassures me, knowing that if a situation ever calls for it, she won't hold back.

    "You know, you should tell her how you feel." I keep my eyes on her as he speaks. "She's taking her cues from you. If you don't tell her how you feel she's eventually going to try and move on, because she'll believe you don't feel the same."

    "Has she ever told you how she feels?"

    "No but-" He's ready to defend his point. 

    "But nothing. I am not going to risk losing her, on the chance that she doesn't feel the same." With that I head over to where she's collecting arrows. 

    "You and Garrick done already?" She questions not even looking back.

    "How did you know it was me?" She looks at me like I'm an idiot.

    "Xaden I have spent a lifetime with you, I could recognise you at any time, anywhere." 

    "Might just test that Sunfire." 

    "How?" She asks amused, as she turns in her weapons. I shrug, and she just laughs. 

    "I'll see you guys at dinner." Garrick shouts from across the room. 

    "Don't be late." Avari shouts back. 

    "Me, late, never." She turns to me.

    "He is so going to be late." I nod in agreement, outside of meetings and class, never once has Garrick been on time. 

    Once we are back in my room, I decide to take another shower having broken into a sweat during the workout. By the time I get out, she's not in the room, a quick glance and I spot the open door. 

    Avari is out on the balcony, sitting on her favourite chair. I lean against the door watching her read. She loses herself to the world between the pages, not even noticing me standing here.

    She whispers the odd comment to herself, occasionally laughing, or looking annoyed. Watching her read was entertainment of its self.   

    I glance at the clock, it's only four, we still have two hours before dinner. I glance between the work I need to get done and her. My feet are moving before I even make the decision.

    There's enough space for two in the seat she's in, and the moment I'm settled, she's leaning against me. "We can do something if you're bored." She says after finishing another chapter. 

    "I'm fine Sunfire, you're plenty entertaining when you read." She carefully slips in a bookmark, placing her book on the table. 

    She gets up and reaches for my hands, she huffs when she can't pull me up. "Little help here." 

    I shake my head amused. "Nah you got this." 

    She glares at me, and digs her heels in, leaning back for added leverage. She goes a little too far back and slips. I move in a flash, catching her before she hits the ground. 

    "Ha got you up." She says victoriously.

    "You fell on purpose?" I pray that this isn't going to become a regular thing with her.

    "No, but it worked out for me." She drags me behind her, and I grab her book as she does. 

    We pass the rest of the time playing card games that drive her insane everytime I win. I personally think Zihnal gets amused by how annoyed she gets by my luck, hence my winning hands. 

    She doesn't bother to change, instead just taking one of my sweaters and slipping it on. She zips it up halfway, but it still falls off her shoulder. 

    My dad, Bodhi, and his family are already waiting by the time we arrive. We're waiting on Garrick and his dad, as well as Liam and his mother. 

    We take our seats, and Avari immediately starts discussing something with Bodhi. She teases my uncle, and joins my aunt into bullying my dad. She fits seamlessly into my family, like she's meant to be a part of it. 

    By the time the rest join us, with Garrick being twenty minutes late, do we eat. When Avari is distracted, Garrick and I take turns slipping more food on her plate. We manage to trick her into eating a proper portion size and it's honestly a win. 

    It's after we eat, do plans for the Apostasy begin to be brought up. Avari pays close attention, practically memorising the words, as she keeps notes for us all. 

    There's a lot of moving parts, and still a lot that needs to be done before we can truly begin. I don't miss how she pays close attention when her parents are mentioned.

    Anger fills me, because while everything they've been doing is for the Apostasy, is for Tyrrendor really. They completely neglected their daughter. How could they look at her and be able to walk away. To choose to miss out on the chance to know her. I could never do that, not willingly at least.  

    Her hand finds mine, resting it ontop of the fist I didn't even realize I had formed. She doesn't draw attention to it, just rubs her thumb against my skin, it works to calm me down. Once my fist relaxes, she slips her hand into mine, not once looking away from the maps being used. 

    Her eyes dart to mine briefly, silently asking if I'm okay. I just squeeze her hand twice, our signal for I'm okay now. She smiles and goes to let go, but I just keep her hand in mine. 

    Once dessert is served she's smug looking at me pointedly. I sigh sliding my plate over to her. As per our bet from earlier, she gets my dessert. She takes a bite of my cake before sliding it right back to me. 

    "Just wanted to annoy you." She explains, before taking a cookie off one of the trays. I shake my head, this girl. 

    After that we're done for this weeks updates, I'm sidetracked by Bodhi, and by the time I turn to ask Avari something, she's long gone.

    I don't think too much of it, but I start to worry when I get to my room and she isn't there. I check hers and she isn't there either. I can't see the lake from here but I know she's not there. I made her promise not to go at night. 

    I'm not sure where else she would be. I get drawn to the roof, so I climb up the ladder hidden in the corner of the balcony. As soon as I'm up here I feel ridiculous, there's no way she climbed up and decided to stay. Still I feel drawn forward, and what real harm is there in checking. 

    So I keep forward, and then I see her. "How do you always manage to find me?" She asks once I sit down beside her. 

    I nudge her shoulder. "There is no where you could ever be, where I don't find you." She smiles and leans against me. 

    We sit there staring up at the stars, it's peaceful, and we can just be what we are. A boy and a girl, not two people who are going to inherit a kingdom. 

    "Thank you." She whispers. 

    "For what?"

    "Everything." I don't respond, just tucking her into my side, kissing the top of her head. 

    The moon rises higher into the sky and we catch sight of two dragons on the horizon. "My parents." She says softly. "Your dad told me they were getting back tonight, I usually sneak out and watch. Sometimes its the only time I see them when they come back."  

    "Do you want to go see them?" I ask as the dragons get closer. 

    "What's the point?" She watches as they pass by towards the landing zone. "You can head in. I'm sure you'd rather be in your bed."

    "I'm right where I want to be." I reassure. We fall into silence and when she's finally ready to leave she stands up, and let's me lead the way back. 

    Once we're securely back in my room, she heads for my desk. "I am ready to work." She let's out a yawn at the end. "That was just a show of what I would do if I was tired. Which I am not." 

    "You're not fooling anyone Sunfire. You're exhausted." She brushes it off taking her seat.

    "I'm fine shadow." I sigh, and walk over. I pick her up by the waist, throwing her over my shoulder. 

    She pounds my back lightly. "Put me down." She orders but it doesnt come across as one, not with her laughing. 

    "If you say so." I toss her onto the bed and she smiles. I know the look in her eyes, she's about to try and get away.

    "Xaden." She shrieks, when I lay down ontop of her. Her laughter fills the room as she tries unsuccessfully to get me off of her. "Glad one of us is comfortable."

    "I'm extremely comfortable, in fact I think I might just fall asleep." 

    "Don't you dare." She warns. Eventually we shift enough so that my head is on her stomach, while I lay between her legs. 

    Her fingers threading through my hair. If I had my way, we'd stay in this moment forever. Locked away from the world, just the two of us, with her looking at me with those eyes. 

    We fall asleep, like that. Intertwined in a way that you can't tell where one of us begins and the other ends. My last thought before I succumb to sleep is the easiest decision I will ever make. 

    Once Tyrrendor is free, I'm going to make her my Queen, and more importantly I'm going to be her husband. 

    A life without Avari is just not a life worth living. 

Chapter Text

    Fire and destruction rain down in my city. I'm standing on the outskirts, watching as dragons descend and unleash fire upon the grounds. There are screams and shouts around me, but I don't pay it any mind. I'm looking for one person and one person only. I rush through the streets back towards my home, ignoring the shouts of my father behind me. Avari and I had split up to oversee evacuations, knowing her she was still inside.  I make it halfway before I'm tackled to the ground by two guards. I'm struggling against them right as a building goes crashing in front of us.

    They drag me back, and within the hour, we were entirely surrounded and told to surrender. My life as I know it stops then. As they separate and escort us to different sites, I scan the crowds for sight of Avari.  "I don't see her." I whisper to Garrick, who's doing the exact same thing as I am.

    "Maybe she's with the other group." He says, but the look in his eyes tells me he doesn't think that's the case. Avari would have made sure to have gotten back to me.

    Unrest fills me. It's an unfamiliar feeling, and I decide all too quickly that I hate it. I don't stop searching the crowd for her. Every step of the way, throughout the streets, I check each body to see if it's her. None have her complexion or long black hair. It brings me relief. My father and I, as well as the other members of the Apostasy leadership, are taken to a tent. It's during that walk that I see the dead dragons, they're orange, and I know without a doubt whose dragons they are.  Oh gods, Avari's parents. My aunt and uncle, the people who were my second parents, gone just like that.

    It's during this round of questioning that a soldier bursts in without warning.  "I'm sorry to interrupt, but I have news for the King." A quick nod permits him to continue. "We found her, the Solaris girl." My eyes snap to the man, the one who can tell me if she's alive.

    "Where was she?"

    "She was found in the rubble of Riorson house." He takes a breath. "By the looks of it, when one of dragons had crashed into the building, it had brought the walls down, burying her in stone."

    "I see, has she been alerted to her parents' loss." He shakes his head.

    "There was a lot of blood and well-." King Tauri cuts him off. No, gods, no. She couldn't be dead. She can't be. It's Avari. There is no chance I have lost her not like this.

    "Let us discuss this elsewhere. They have questions to ask here." I catch the briefest sight of her being held by another guard. She's stained with blood and dust, looking awfully pale, her body limp. Just as quick is my view cut off. I couldn't tell if her chest was still moving.

    That night, they decide who they'll be taking back with them and who is innocent enough that they can be relocated to different cities. The guards never say a word to us, and any hope I have at getting information from them dies. I don't sleep much, all too aware of the fact that Avari isn't there beside me. They never bring her up again, and I refuse to accept what that means. She can not be dead. There is no way.

    A month after July 1st does the tentative routine we fall into get disturbed. Since arriving in Navarre, we've been separated. Our parents are taken to cells, and us children are kept in a small wing of the castle. There are guards posted at the only entrance, but at least we are all together. Garrick and I keep an eye on them, trying to raise morale and alleviate fears, Avari would be so much better at this.

    It's during breakfast that a guard walks in. "Xaden Riorson." I share a glance with Garrick and Bodhi before standing up. "Come with me."

    I follow him out, unsure of what's about to go down. We pass through the halls into what is clearly private guest rooms. Maybe I'm seeing my dad, he stops us, and motions for me to stay here.  He knocks on the door and enters having a quick conversation with whoever is inside. Then he comes back out. "Inside now."

    "Who's inside?" His face softens for just a moment, but he doesn't answer. I sigh and push the door open, walking in. It closes behind me on its own, and before I can even process who's in here. They barrel into me, legs around my waist, face buried in my neck.  All I can see is black hair, but I didn't even need that to know who it is. I'd recognize her in every lifetime. My arms go around her in an iron grip.

    "Avari."

    "Xaden." We say each other's names in unison, and everything I have been avoiding feeling becomes unleashed.

    I maneuver us to the bed, where I can sit with her in my lap, I can feel tears on my skin, and in a way I can't explain, it makes me happy. I think it's because it makes her real. I don't dare let her go, not for a moment, because if this really does all end up being a dream. I want the feeling of her in my arms ingrained into my very being.  When she starts to pull away panic claws at my heart. She doesn't go far, just enough so she can see my face. And I'm drowning all over again. Her touch on my face is soft as she wipes away at tears.

    "I thought you were dead." She doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to. She just pulls me closer and lets me take what I need from her.  I don't know how long we stay like that for, but eventually I reduce our contact to her hand in mine. We sit side by side, backs against the wall.

    "I tried to come to you." She whispers. "But King Tauri's taken a special interest in me." I don't like the way that sounds.

    "What happened to you?" This isn't the same girl from a month to go. There is something different about her.

    "Before we separated, your dad, he told me not to evacuate, to stay in Riorson house to be found." I freeze. My dad is the reason she almost died. "I did as he asked, I stayed behind. No one could've seen Codagh coming. I was watching from one of the windows. When I saw a ballista aimed for him, the shot rang true, and at the last second, Moira took the hit."

    "Gods Avari," I wrap my arm around her, pulling her into my side. She curls up against me effortlessly, her hand resting on top of my heart.

    "I watched my dad and his dragon die, and spotted Leif drop from the sky too. Then Codagh crashed into the building, and the last thing I remember seeing is the stone crumbling down onto me."

    "I saw you. They found you in the rubble hours later, gods you were covered in blood and dust, and so fucking pale." I trail off there, the description alone lets her know why I thought she had died.

    "I woke up here, recovering." She pulls back to look at me, her eyes look haunted. "They wouldn't tell me anything, and I couldn't just ask, they were testing me." Tears fill her eyes. "Gods Xaden I thought they killed you."

    "You really think I'd die without your permission." That gets her to laugh and I ignore how I thought I'd never hear it again. She isn't gone, she's here, right in front of me.

    "I missed you so much." She admits quietly. "I have something I have to tell you."

    "Is it about why we're meeting?" She nods.

    "King Tauri has had me attending court ever since I recovered." She reaches for my hand out of habit, and it settles my nerves as much as hers. "I've spent my time representing the Solaris name, which means they gave me a seat at the table."

    "What did they decide?" She avoids my eyes.

    "Its about what I decided." I gently turn her face back towards me.

    "Hey I trust you. I've always trusted you Avari, there will never be a day I don't." It puts her at ease, and she steels herself to finish what she was saying.

    "They had decided from the start that the Rebellion leaders would be killed after all viable information was interrogated from them."

    "We knew that from the start." Wait. "Then what have they been arguing?"

    "The deaths of the children of the Rebellion." She doesn't pause once. "They wanted you to die alongside them, so I offered a counter and spent the past week convincing and defending it."

    "What did you say?"

    "I said we should send you all to the Rider's Quadrant, have you placed with loyal families, regarded as traitors, and that you be offered the chance to bear their lives as your own."

    "They accepted that?" I say surprised.

    "I didn't give them a choice." She says firmly. "I refuse to ever lose you. I reminded the court that killing children will cause problems both in Tyrrendor and Navarre. I brought up every point I could think of until they agreed." She stares into my eyes and it feels like she's seeing into the very core of my being. "I was not letting them take you from me again."

    "They could've killed you." I argue. "You shouldn't have pushed it, if they doubted you..."

    "They trust me. They questioned me and tested my loyalty, I was careful." She promises. I sigh and nod knowing damn well if the positions were reversed I'd do the same things she has.

    She glances at the clock, we must have a time limit. "How long do we have?"

    "Another hour maybe." She shifts so she's sitting crisscrossed facing me. I match her with ease.

    "Alright, what else do I need to know?"

    "General Sorrengail is going to offer you the chance to take their lives as your own, in Tyrrish tradition." I grab both her hands, needing to be in contact with her for what I'm about to ask.

    "I'm going to ask them to let you be the one to do it." Her eyes widen, and the colour drains from her skin.

    Once the words sink in she begins to shake her head. "I can't." Tears form in her eyes and it breaks my heart that I'm the reason for them. "Xaden I can't do that to you." Her voice fucking breaks, and it's taking everything in me to not take the words back.

    "You're the only I trust to do it Avari." A strand of hair slips in front of her face hiding a stray tear.

    "Why not Garrick or your dad or-" I cut her off.

    "Because they aren't you." I tuck the hair away so I can fully see her face. "Because if you're the one to do this. It won't hurt."

    "You're asking me to cut you open for their entertainment. You're trusting me not to break down at it. You're putting everyone's lives into my hands." I know her next words before she even says them.

    "You're not going to let me down." I say softly.

    "You don't know that. No one does. You're asking me to go in front of everyone and carve into your skin a hundred and seven times, and then sell the fact that I think you deserve it." I nod, because that is what I am doing. I am asking her to do the last thing she'd ever want to do, because it'll keep her safe and because if it comes from her hand, I'll look at them as a symbol of her love.

    It's selfish, but I have always been selfish with her. "I do. You've never once let me down Sunfire. If you really don't want to do this, I won't say another word." She takes a breath and looks at me.

    "I don't want to hurt you."

    "You could never hurt me." I say firmly.

    "Okay Xaden." She says softly. "I'll do this for you." I pull her into my lap, kissing her forehead.

    "Thank you Avari." I hold her in my lap for a while, we don't talk, there's no need. Our breathing syncs, and I wish we could just stay here for the rest of our lives.

    "I have to get ready." She says softly. I reluctantly let her go. She doesn't have any reservations to changing in front of me and I have to force myself to look away.

    She changes into all black, and it makes her look like a rider. When she looks back at me, I know no one is going to see anything but someone who thinks I deserve to suffer. When I look at her, I see the girl I have been in love with since the start. The one who is willing to put all else aside for me. The person I want to sacrifice everything to keep.

    "Promise me that this won't change anything between us." She says.

    "I promise you Avari." She nods once and before I can hug her or finish my thoughts there's a knock at the door.

    She kisses my cheek quickly before getting it. Here we go. "Avari, I trust you have informed Riorson of what is to come." General Melgren says.

    "I have General, and I thank you again for the opportunity." He nods.

    "Move." He orders, and I'm impressed by the way Avari doesn't even so much as react. Granted I can tell by the slight twitch of her finger, but no chance anyone else does.  She walks ahead of me, alongside General Melgren, not once glancing back at me. Although I know its only a role she's playing, it hurts. We aren't taken to a room, but rather outside to a courtyard of some sort. 

    A few military members, the King, and some of his court. "Xaden Riorson, we have decided to offer you the opportunity to take responsibility for the hundred and seven Rebellion Children." General Sorrengail says standing up. "As a guarantee that they will not follow in their parents footsteps, or you shall pay the price for it."

    "I accept with a request." She looks suspicious of me but nods. "I want Avari Solaris to mark me."

    "And why would that be?" King Tauri asks, his eyes dark.

    "To honour Tyrrish customs, the cuts mean nothing if they come from a Navarrian."

    "Avari?" He questions.

    "Its true." She lies with such ease its terrifying. "It only has meaning between the people of Tyrrendor, and given that I am technically Tyrrish, I can serve that role. Should that be as you wish King Tauri." She doesn't call him my King. 

    "Very well." He strokes his beard thinking. "General Sorrengail, we shall proceed as planned, only Avari shall takeover."

    "I thank you for this." She bows, and it hides the slight tremble in her hands. Gods what have I done.

    They place me in the center of the room and approach me with chains. "Take it off." They order and I take off my shirt, dropping to my knees.  

    "No." Avari says firmly standing in front of me. "He has to be willing. No chains of any sort." 

    "Do as she says." King Tauri says. 

    She kneels down in front of me, not caring about the dozen or so eyes on us. "Do you accept this, the hundred and seven lives as your own?"

    "I do."

    "Then as is our way, I will mark you for each and every one." She says our way, and I worry they might see that as loyalty to Tyrrendor. A quick glance tells me they think its part of the ceremony.

    Gods this girl, actively risking death to reassure me. To make sure I know every chance I can that she cares. She spills warm water down my back, and pats me dry, her touch gentle and soft. Then she picks a clean knife and stands behind me. She hesitates and I don't worry for a second that she won't be able to do this. Sure enough I hear her take a breath and the knife slices my skin. The others in the room cheer, but I barely hear it. My head feels like it's under water and the only air I have is Avari's fingers on me. She doesn't need to be holding onto me with the other hand, but she does. I was right though, every cut made by her hand, they don't really hurt. 

    All I focus on is the hand that's dealing them. I focus on her. Memories of our life together pass through my head. I keep my gaze on the ground, picturing days spent with her.  Like my last birthday, where she had spent the week up to it practically like a ghost. I had barely seen her because she was taking extra classes and meetings. All so she could surprise me with a small trip. Her, Garrick, Bodhi, and I had travelled to the mountains, spent the weekend in the cabin up there. She even made me a chocolate cake. 

    I think about that late night we went swimming, how beautiful she looked with drops of water clinging to her skin, the moonlight making her glow. Gods that swimsuit she was in, a dark red that suited her all too well. How she only had eyes for me and not any of the other guys trying to get her attention. I don't know how many cuts she's laid into my skin, I just think about her, and there is not a drop of pain. She taps my back twice with her thumb, a movement easily hidden. I tap back with my foot just as secretively. 

    Gods I can't even imagine how she's managing doing this. If the positions were reversed I don't think I'd have been able to hold it together like she is. Finally she's done. She's barely stepped away when the ground shakes and then all I know is pain. I hear her scream my name, and the last thing I see is her face.

    I wake up again, on my stomach my back feeling heavy and numb. I tense up realizing someone else is in the room, until they come into sight. 

    "Xaden." She breathes out, kneeling in front of me. Her hand threads through my hair, soothing the tension out of me. 

    "What happened Sunfire?"

    Her face flashes in anger before she schools her expression. "Codagh." Her voice filled with hate. "General Melgren, he got Codagh to burn you." She shakes her head trying to keep from raising her voice. "That was never the plan." She mutters.

    "So why am I not dead." She's silent for a long minute. 

    "Remember the rune Colonel Mairi made." I nod how could I forget. "I think it saved you, at a cost."

    "What do you mean?" She brings a mirror to my side, and I can see it. A relic going all the way up to my jaw. 

    "I'm so sorry Xaden." She steps away from me, tending back to the cuts on my back.

    "Why are you sorry?" I hate that I can't see her face right now. "Avari you're the reason we're alive."

    "You almost died." She snaps. "If it weren't for that rune I would have lost you." I try and sit up, and she immediately pushes me back down. "Don't move you'll tear the stitches."

    "Then can you come here, so I can see you." She sighs but moves in front of me. She avoids my eyes entirely. "Look at me, please Avari, look at me." I know my tone has turned to begging and I couldn't care less. 

    "It was my idea to mark you." She whispers. "And now because of this, because you survived with that Relic, they're doing it to all of them." Her eyes meet mine. "Its my fault."

    "Its not Sunfire. If you hadn't stepped in, they would have just killed us all or locked us up." I need her to believe me. "And you never could have seen Melgren and Codagh coming. No one could have. We are alive because of you, I'm alive because of you." There's doubt in her eyes that slowly fades with the conviction of my words.

    "Can I finish stitching you up now." She asks, and I know it's to avoid the way she's feeling. 

    "Depends on if you're still going to internalize this." She raises her eyebrow slightly in amusement.

    "No I'm not." I believe her so I nod. She takes her time, and I can tell she's double checking her work. I've seen her work faster then this before. But she's putting extra care into every step.

    "You're done?" I ask when I haven't felt her do anything in a few minutes. 

    "Let me help you up." She's by my side, gently helping me sit up. I can see her tray of supplies as well as the knife she used. 

    There are a hundred and seven marks on my back, ones that represents every life I've taken responsibility for. Something still feels off though, she moves to open the window allowing for a faint breeze to carry into the room. My hands reach for the knife, there's still one thing left to do. I drag it across my heart and surprisingly Avari doesn't freak out. I watch as she moves her hair over her shoulder, and pulls down her neckline. 

    She has a similar mark against her own heart, its healed. She was a step ahead of me this whole time. She's silent as she bandages me up, and once she's done she rests her hand on top of the newest cut.  I glance to where hers is hidden, and she nods. I pull down the neckline, letting my finger trace over the scar. "When?"

    "I couldn't just suggest the idea without taking part." She leans into my touch. "I wasn't going to let you do this alone. That's not how we work." I nod, wrapping my arms around her waist pulling her close. I rest my head against her, letting her touch soothe my demons away. 

    Eventually I let her go, and she helps me slip on my shirt. She turns away to wash my blood off her hands. I don't miss the way they shake uncontrollably. As much as it hurts to move I get up and grab her hands, causing her to turn and face me.  She looks up at me with tears. There's so much regret and guilt in her eyes, as I wipe them away. I lean my forehead against hers. Trying to find the words when I remember the small box in my pocket.

    "I have something for you." I reach into my pocket, trying not to give away how much the movement truly hurts. 

    I give her the gift, focusing on her reaction. She glances between the box and I before opening it. Inside is a necklace I had gotten made for her, just like that. I was going to give it to her that day before everything went to shit, when it looked like we were about to win. 

    "When did you even get this?" She asks.

    "Doesn't matter." I take it from the box, and fasten it around her neck. It looks perfect on her and a sense of possessiveness rushes over me. "Beautiful." I whisper.

    "It really is." She smiles. "I'm never taking it off." Good, there was a tracking rune imbued on the back of the charm. It took Colonel Mairi a while before she could make one that small. I'd be able to find her anywhere. 

    She leans up and kisses my jaw, over my gained Relic. I decided there and then, if it means she'll kiss me right there, I'd have chosen it. "How long?" I ask.

    "As long as we want." She whispers back. We stand there holding one another. I commit every part of her to my memory.

    The slight scent of strawberries and flowers that always seem to follow her. The way her hair would sometimes curl at the end. The endless blue of her eyes. The way her lips curl into a smile. There is not a thing about her I don't love. It's going to be a long four years. Not seeing her everyday the very thought breaks my heart. We both know this is all we get. 

    So when we finally pull apart, we don't really let go. "Its only four years." She says softly.

    "Don't come to the Riders." The words are out of me before I fully think them.

    "What?"

    "I know that you'd kick ass, and thrive. That you would succeed, but the thought of you in a position where death is a very real possibility..."

    "Xaden." I sigh already knowing what she's going to say. "You don't get to decide that for me."

    "I know." I just don't want to have to let her go one day. Like she can ready my mind she says as much.

    "You have to let me go." Gods how is she able to do this. I pull her back into my arms.

    "I love you." I whisper into her hair. Her arms go around me carefully. "You're not going to hurt me." Tentatively she hugs me back.

    "I love you Xaden, please be careful." She whispers back.

    "I'm not the one in the middle of enemy territory." 

    "I've always been good at this." She says amused. "I will be fine." 

    "I'll be careful." I promise, knowing she needs to hear me say it. "I'll see you on Conscription day," and I'm never letting you go again. 

    "Conscription Day." She echoes. We know this is it. I could have all the time in the world and I still wouldn't be any closer to being ready to say goodbye. 

    She catches me off guard when she leans up and kisses my jaw again. Right over the edge of my Relic.  Gods I want to kiss her senseless. I want to take my time making every second count. I want to split her apart with my fingers, mouth, and cock. Leave her aching with the feel of me long after we part ways.

    She moves just out of reach and I pin her against the nearest wall. "Xaden." She breathes out, her eyes searching mine. Her gaze drops to my lips and it breaks the last of my resolve. 

    "Avari." I decide that I need to know what it's like to kiss her. In case the worst does come to be. I lean in slightly. 

    There are heavy steps outside the door, forcing us apart. I sit back on the cot, and she resumes cleaning up. The door swings open not a moment later. 

    "General." She says nodding to Sorrengail. 

    "Avari, are you finished?" She nods. 

    "Yes ma'am, I was going to escort him back down." 

    "Wait outside. I require a moment with Riorson." She wordlessly walks out, catching my eye when out of view of General Sorrengail. I see the worry in them, whatever this is about to be, she wasn't told about it. The door closes behind her and it's just us two. 

    I stare at General Sorrengail, who stares back at me. She looks me over, assessing me. "That girl seems to believe that you and your own will not cause anymore trouble for Navarre." 

    The way she refers to Avari makes me uncomfortable. Like she isn't a person to her, but a means to an end. "You think otherwise?"

    "I know otherwise." She corrects. "You are the son of Fen Riorson. I see your father in you, the same arrogant manner." 

    "What do you want from me?" I demand. 

    "A favour for me to call in when I wish." She says it like there's no chance I won't agree.

    "And why would I ever do that?" I question. 

    "You love her." How did she know that. I open my mouth ready to argue. "Don't deny it. I saw your face when they said they found her. I saw how you broke seeing her body."

    "Don't you dare bring her into this." I keep my voice low so Avari doesn't hear me. 

    "I will do whatever I want." She says darkly. "Avari Solaris has been declared as a non risk, but that can easily be changed." 

    "She hasn't done anything." I argue. "She's innocent."

    "No one is innocent." She says firmly. 

    "If you touch her-" I start to warn cutting myself off. I don't have any power here and I refuse to jeopardize her life. "Please, not her." 

    "There it is." She says knowingly. "I'd be more careful Riorson or soon everyone will know of your weakness." I remain silent. "Agree to the favour, and I'll keep what she means to you between us."

    "Fine. One favour for Avari's life." She nods. "If you are in any way responsible to any danger to her life, I will end you." 

    She surprises me when she grins. "I'd expect nothing less from Fen Riorson's son." She opens the door and Avari is waiting there. "You can escort him back. Tomorrow are the executions, we expect your prescence." 

    "Yes General." Avari and I walk back to the room they took me from. We're accompanied by the guard from before. 

    Her fingers brush against mine when the guard reaches for the door, and it takes everything in me not to grab her hand.    

    The moment I'm inside Garrick and Bodhi are rushing over to me. "What happened?" My cousin demands. "You've been gone all day."

    "Avari is alive." And I tell them everything that went down. Well almost everything, enough to keep them informed. Avari would want to tell them herself about how she was the one to suggest the cost of our survival. 

    Garrick hangs onto every word. "She's okay?" He questions, and I nod, leaving out my deal with Sorrengail. 

    "Thank the gods." Whispers Bodhi. 

    "Tomorrow are the executions and the Relics." They hadn't asked when they saw it. Letting me explain everything, I could see the apprehension at the idea. But there was no choice here. 

    "Its this or death." Garrick says firmly, and I don't dispute it. 

    "Then I guess we have no choice." Bodhi says softly. 

    "We don't." I confirm. 

    I don't sleep this night. I just stare out the window, thinking of Avari. Wherever she is right now, I know she's doing the same. I hate sleeping without her next to me. I've grown far too accustomed to it. By the time morning arrives I am ready for what is to come. The morning passes in a blur as we're escorted outside. In the stands are dozens of members of courts and military. My eyes find Avari easily with a man beside her. He has an arm around her shoulders and she doesn't look the slightest bit uncomfortable. He's a rider, if the black says anything, or planning on being one.

    "Stop glaring." Whispers Garrick nudging me in the side. I avert my gaze, instead focusing on seeing my father. We see one another before he alongside the other leaders are being lined up. We are forced to watch as they are burned to ash before being lined up to take their place. I am kept to the middle, to bare witness. 

    I watch as children years younger than me are set ablaze. I keep myself emotionless, keeping my eyes locked on Avari's, who's standing across from my view. We stand in a silent defiance. As soon as the last Relic is given, we are being sent off. I lose sight of her, and realize this was the last time I'd see her for four years. 

--------------------

    It's been a year since everything went down. I could say it had become easier not having her around, but that would be a lie. I hear her laughter in the wind, catch sight of her shadow around every corner, I find her in everything. 

    "Xaden?" I snap out my thoughts turning to the window. 

    "Yeah Liam?" Poor kid has already lost so much at such a young age. 

    "Its nothing." I stare him down until he caves. "I was thinking about Sloane." He admits. 

    "Get out here." I move over making space for him on the roof. 

    He grins, carefully climbing out and walking over to me. He plops down, and we stare out at the grounds. "Do you think she's okay?"

    "I do." His shoulders slump down a little. Fuck, Avari was always so much better at this then me. "She's a Mairi, your sister, she's as tough as they come." 

    He perks up slightly, and I count that as a win. He's silent for a long time, clearly debating whether to ask his question. "It feels like I'm missing part of myself. Do you know how that feels like?" I freeze.

    Liam was too young to remember meeting Avari and once he got older his mother didn't bring him to meetings anymore. Its an innocent question truthfully.

    "I do." I realize that in my drive to prepare for the Quadrant and arrange trips back to Aretia as well as communication with my reformed council. I haven't done a great job at being there for Liam. 

    "Is it your dad?" I shake my head, focusing on the stars above.

    "Her name is Avari." I swear the stars seem to burn brighter when I say her name. "You might not remember her, but you've met before." I can tell he's trying to recall her.

    "Solaris?" He says unsure. "My parents talked about her, said she was a force to be reckoned with. Mom was always impressed with her."

    "That's Avari." I whisper. "She was learning to be my advisor, we grew up together."

    "Like me and Sloane." Oh definitely not like that. The things I want to do to her are nowhere close to brotherly. 

    "Sort of. She's my partner, she's the reason we're all still alive." The more I think about her, the more I talk about her, the more the weight eases off my shoulders.

    "Could you tell me about her?" Liam asks. "I think it might help you, the way it helps me to talk about Sloane. We can take turns." Too observant this kid.

    "She was the one who taught me how to climb and cross the roof." I admit. "She used to sneak out late at night, with nothing more then the moon and stars to guide her steps, taught me how to navigate the shadows too." 

    "Sloane taught me how to do knots." He says softly. "I keep trying to recreate them, but they don't turn out right."

    "Avari was terrible at knot work, but she could throw knives with such accuracy that she once split an arrow in half." He grins envisioning it.

    "Sloane lost her first tooth eating an apple. She vowed to never eat another one." He goes silent for a moment, lost in the memories. "She loved blueberries though, she'd eat baskets full if you'd let her."

    "Avari was like that with strawberries. The first time I arranged to have them brought to a meeting for her she looked at me like I offered her the world on a silver platter instead of just a bowl of fruit." I remember that look all too well. "No matter how many times it happened, she always looked at me like that, like I was giving her everything in the world."

    Liam looks at me knowingly. "You loved her."

    "Love." I correct. "I love her,"  

    "She loves you too." He says easily, inspite of never really meeting her. "No one looks at anyone like that unless they do."

    We fall into an easy silence staring up the sky, thinking of the girls we miss. I close my eyes and it feels like she's sitting at my other side, and when the wind brushes across my hand, it feels like her touch. 

    We head in a little after that. "Hey Liam." His hand hovers over his room door handle.

    "Yeah?"

    "I'm heading back to Aretia next week, want to join?" He nods eagerly and I nod once. Gods Avari, not even here and still influencing my choices.

--------------------

    It's been about two years, and it's the first time Bodhi, Garrick, Liam, and I are able to schedule our time in Aretia to overlap. 

    I ignore how it still doesn't feel complete without Avari, but Liam is a welcome addition, the little brother that Bodhi never got the real chance to be. We were kept as separated as possible once the war picked up, couldn't have the entire royal line taken out in one go.

    Last week they finally managed to clear enough of the rubble to gain access to the royal wing of my home. Bodhi and Garrick were going through my dad's office, I had just left Liam to go through his own home. He insisted that he needed to do it alone, so I left Aisereigh to help him. I understood why he didn't want me there. So I told him where to find me and headed back in.

    As I reach the hall my father's office is in, I can hear their voices from the room. 

    "I miss Avari." Bodhi says, causing me to stop before the door. "I saw more of her growing up then Xaden." 

    I can't argue that. "Where's this coming from?" Garrick inquires.

    "She wrote this." He says and I hear the passing of a paper. "I forgot how different her writing style could become in the span of a few lines."

    Loopy letters, and then half cursive words, I remind myself.

    "I miss her too." Garrick says softly. 

    "My foster family, they sometimes head to court, she hasn't been seen there in a while." Bodhi's worry quickly becomes mine.

    I'm fine my shadow, stop worrying so much. I whip around but she's not there, she never is. Every time we come back home, I hear her voice more clearly. 

    "Its Avari she won't let anything stand between her and us." Garrick reassures.

    "She always treated me differently. I never understood it before." He slams something down on the table, or maybe just his hands. "She was protecting me, and now-" He cuts himself off but I know the words he wants to say. 

    "Now you should be protecting her." I hear Bodhi sigh. "I know the feeling." Shit, Garrick too. 

    "It feels like I failed her." Bodhi admits and I wonder how I missed how close my cousin and Avari were.  

    "I feel that way too." Garrick says. "Avari has been there through everything, I knew I could always lean on her for help, and now." His voice trails off. They fall into silence and I can't get myself to step forward. 

    You know why. This time I don't turn to face the voice. It's because you think you failed me too. 

    "You aren't real." I whisper. Hearing them speak like that, its just makes things worse. To know we all failed her, while she came through for us. 

    I'm not. But you've spent a lifetime with me, you can create entire conversations with me that have an unparalleled accuracy to the real thing.

    "So I'm supposed to just talk to the air like a crazy person." I mutter. 

    Her laughter fills my ears. No dumbass, you need to stop avoiding things. That's why you're hearing me right now. I never let you get away with shit, and your mind knows you need that right now.

    I swallow, maybe I was losing my mind. "What do I do then?"

    Go to your room. She responds like the answer is clear. I don't give her the satisfaction of the fact that it was obvious. I'm a figment of your own mind, I know what you're thinking. I don't reply instead I move down the ruined halls until I come across my door. I'm not sure how long I'm just standing there. Not that I don't love standing here and staring at a door with you... She teases and it sparks me into movement. 

    The door opens silently and in I walk. It's untouched which is a surprise considering not even a few halls over there's a hole in the wall of the council room. Some of my things have fallen but aside from that, nothings changed. There's just a layer dust over everything.  

    "Now what?" I question ignoring how insane I feel. 

    Feel Xaden. 

    "Really." Her laughter fills the empty room.

    I'm serious, just let yourself feel everything you've been pushing away, please. Even though its not really her asking. I do it anyway. 

    I think about my father and his death.

    The countless lives lost.

    The weight of the scars on my back. 

    I feel all of it. 

    And most of all I feel the piece of me that's missing, the girl who I can only ever see in my dreams now.

    I look around the room, and I can picture her on the bed. I can see her standing hazardously on two stacked chairs to reach a book on a high shelf. I can see her asleep at the desk.

    Hours later Garrick walks in to me sitting on my bed in a destroyed room. He surveys the damage quietly, and I know he sees the sword on the ground. He simply sits beside me and I know the lecture is coming. "The attack did a lot of damage in here." Is what he says instead.

    Feel better? I look up but she's not there.

    "Yes." I whisper. 

    Good.

    That's the last time I hear her voice in my head.

--------------------

    It's year three and I can't remember the exact shade of her eyes. Which leads me down a spiral of what else I can't remember about her.

    I don't remember which side of her hair would have one strand curl relentlessly. I can't remember what it feels like to have her hug me. I don't even remember the exact amount of piercings she has. 

    "What's wrong?" My head snaps up to Duke Lindell in my doorway. 

    "Nothing."

    His eyebrow raises. "You have lived here for three years. I can tell by now when something is wrong."

    "Its not about Aretia or the Rebellion." I expect him to leave after that, instead he walks in, a knowing look in his eyes.

    "So its a girl." I groan. "That Solaris girl, right?"

    I sit up straighter. "How did you know?"

    "There were plenty of rumours back then, that the two of you were bethrothed. And she was the one who reached to me to have you and Liam to be placed here." Of course she did, cause my girl never knew how to leave a loose end.

    "I'm forgetting things about her." I admit.

    "Such as?"

    "The exact colour of her eyes." 

    "But do you remember how they made you feel?" Like I was drowning in the best way. "As long as you have that, you won't forget her."

    "How do you know that for a fact?"

    "My first love. I can't tell you the details of her face or remember the sound of her voice. But I recall the way I felt, and that... That ensures she never really leaves me." He goes quiet, seemingly thinking of the girl he spoke about. I think about mine. 

    I can't remember the exact shade of blue. But I remember how happy they made me, how easily they could get me to cave, how I would drown in her comfort.    

    I hold onto that until I can hold onto her.

--------------------

    Year four is different then the other three, its a countdown until I see Avari. Everyday is one step closer to her.

    I train and push myself as much as possible. I will not fail or falter. I will succeed where my father failed. I will not lose anyone else. I make sure Liam is squared away, that he knows what to do in my absence, same with Bodhi. In Aretia, I have our rooms repaired. First real chance I get, I'm bringing her back home. For her to see what she saved.

    I dedicate myself to doing all I can to ready for Conscription Day. When the day does come, I've already said my goodbyes to Liam, and thanked Duke Lindell.  I meet up with Garrick outside of the city, together we head to join the Riders, searching the crowds and lines for Avari.

    I'm on edge and we both know why. That fades away the moment I lay eyes on Avari again, the first thing I spot is my necklace around her neck. Then the same man from the last time I saw her, with his arm around her again. Its an irrational annoyance, especially when I know now that's her cousin.

    Our eyes meet and I feel like I can breathe again. I remember what it is to drown. The moment I do, I know without a doubt, that my life has started again.

Chapter Text

    As spring approaches, squad games are right around the corner. We spend every moment we can training together as a squad. Xaden, Garrick, and I are about as synced as three people can be. Annalise and Pierre are another case entirely. They know what they're doing, but aren't anywhere near our skill level. So we spend most of our time in the gym alternating one person training them, the other two sparring. Its a good system, and quickly starts to bridge the gap between us all. Turns out Pierre and Annalise had grown close after Threshing, it makes sense though. It was easy to feel like an outsider when around Xaden, Garrick, and I. 

    On the days where Xaden has private training with Professor Carr, Garrick and I work on excelling with different weapons. I earn another patch for the quarterstaff and add it to my growing collection. It's another one of those nights and I don't feel like training. By the looks of it neither does Garrick. 

    "Want to go for a flight?" I suggest, and the grin on his face tells me yes. We divert our course from the gym, to the flight field, where Chradh and Nox are waiting.    

    Hello Sweet One.

    "Hi Nox." I say softly, I scale up his side and take my seat. He takes off first, Chradh right behind him. It's a calming flight, where every now and then they loop over each other.

    It's fun seeing everything upside down, knowing there's no risk of falling. They take us further out then usual, but we did set out earlier then most nights. The ground below rushes past us, I catch sight of their reflections in the water below. I remember the days I'd escape to a similar lake. We start descending and I know I have Nox to thank for it. 

    "Thank you."

    You do not have to thank me for caring about you Sweet One. I slide off his side, and head right for the water. It's a beautiful sight, with the sun setting, it's colours and reflections on the water. I can hear birds chirping, I even spot a few dashing about over the water. Little blurs of red and blue, free to do as they please.

    Garrick comes over and sits right beside me, nudging my shoulder. "What's happening in that head of yours sweetheart." 

    "Just thinking." He gives me a knowing look. 

    "About?"

    "Our lives before the Apostasy." I say softly. "I miss it. I miss when we didn't have the whole world on our shoulders." I watch as a stag comes over and drinks from the lake. "When we could escape from the weight."

    "Remember that giant tree by the stables, we used to hide there to avoid lessons." I grin. "We slept there one night, just to get a break." Gods those days seem like nothing now. 

    "I remember that time we went riding, just you and I. We had a picnic, explored the mountains, and then you got us lost." Bodhi had told us once we got back that Xaden had gone into a full panic over our disappearance.  For a whole week after that he didn't let me go anywhere without him, not even into town. To be fair, his concern was warranted. I knew those trails like the back of my hand, us being late could have only meant trouble.

    "I'm not apologizing for that again." I laugh. 

    "I'm just saying had you listened to me." I let my voice trail off. He shakes his head in amusement as we share fond memories back and forth. 

    "I remember that night we snuck out for some festival." Oh I remember that night. It was one I clung to, to make sure I didn't forget the details of his face. "You were wearing that red dress. We spent the whole night taking in every single thing we could."

    "We tried every single food we came across." I said remembering the details of that night. "Then you danced with me." That was my favourite part. "Even though you hate it."

    "You were so stressed and overworked, I just wanted to keep you close and make you smile." He says softly. 

    There's a glint in his eyes as he gets up, and holds his hands out. I take them letting him pull me up. We dance to music that only exists in our memories, and the weight of the world fades away. Its just Garrick and I, hidden away from all our responsibilities. We can just exist as we are. 

    When we finally make our way back to our dragons, I pause glancing over to him. "I love you." 

    "I love you too." He says it so easily, and I know he means it. He keeps forward but I glance back at the lake wanting nothing more then to stay.

    Garrick and I, we won't ever get to live for ourselves. Not really, not in the way most of the others will one day. When we go back to Aretia we'll never be able to walk away. We will be trapped. We never say it out loud, but it's a truth we know. Xaden would never force us to stay, but how could we ever leave him to do it all alone. Since birth, we've been tricked into thinking that we have a choice in our lives, we don't. We were raised to serve Xaden, to serve Tyrrendor, its all we know.

    Yet I have never once wondered what my life could have been if I wasn't raised that way. It would mean not having them, and that is something I could never live with. Regardless of the weight on my shoulders, I'd never trade it away. It doesn't matter that I was raised without a choice for my life. Here and now, I'm choosing. Choosing to fight for my home, my people, and my friends. I'm choosing Xaden, not because it's all I have ever known, but because I want too.           

    There is something out there. Nox warns as we take off. They are very far out, but I can sense them. 

    I project my voice. "Nox says there's something up ahead."

    "Does he know what?"

    I am unsure, we would have to get closer. 

    "He says we need to get closer." He goes silent for a minute, clearly talking to Chradh.

    "Chradh says its up to us." I nod and look back forward. 

    "Nox?"

    I will follow the decision you both make.

    "Nox says the same." I confirm. "What do you want to do?"

    "I think its the same as you. Find out what's out there and decide after that." I grin.

    "Agreed." We keep onwards, and well past the wards. We fly for a while before Nox speaks again.

    Gryphons and fliers, that is what I sensed. They are grouped down there. My eyes widen and I turn back to look at Garrick, who has the same expression.

    We don't risk any words. He nods towards where Nox says they're resting. I shrug and give him a half smirk. He knows exactly what it means, I'm down if you are.  He grins, and our dragons go diving down in pure silence. We approach the clearing, and they land remarkably quietly, a little ways away. 

    I will be right here Sweet One.

    "I know Nox, we'll be careful." I can see the apprehension in his eyes, but if we came in on dragons, we'd cause a panic.

    Garrick and I dismount and meet at the base of the nearest tree, I grab his arm to stop him from moving forward. He looks at me questioningly as I unzip my flight jacket. I slide off one of my arm cuffs, and pass it to him.  The five runes carved into the metal would definitely be useful right now. He looks at me blankly, and I mime putting it on, while giving him an are you kidding me look. He puts it on, and it fits around his wrist, just tucked out of view. 

    The masking rune would help keep us hidden from any detection. Granted our dragons will most likely give us up, but at least our precise location would stay hidden. 

    It also works hand in hand with the hearing rune, allowing us to keep a safe distance and still listen in.

    The countering rune would be good against any gifts that affected emotions, at least the one I had on mine was good for that. The one on his was for any truth saying gifts. 

    The protection rune that Liam's mother was known for is also featured. In all honesty I am still unsure as to what exactly its protecting against, I'm assuming dragon fire as well. But there was no real way of testing it, I hadn't been wearing them when Nox had marked me. 

    The final rune will be the most useful if things go wrong. Its a tracking rune, meant to track the rune on the opposite arm band. In the event we were separated and on foot, we'd be able to find each other easily.

    It takes a few minutes before he nods to me, and I know Nox has gotten Chradh to run him through a crash course on the runes.  We move as one towards the makeshift camp. The shadows around us offering the perfect cover, it's almost as though Xaden is with us. 

    We get close enough to observe the camp, quickly scaling a tree, making sure were obscured by the leaves. I feel six bodies radiating light, and six Gryphons. Every living being projected light, even if I couldn't see it with the naked eye before, my signet let's me now.  I hold up six fingers to Garrick and point to myself. He nods, and I hold up another six fingers. He glances back down, seemingly confirming my numbers, before giving me a thumbs up.

    Its clear from the way they are set up and the smell of food in the air, they're having a meal. The conversation below is lighthearted teasing, it's nothing serious, and I'm focused on names. Finally one gets thrown out, Cordella.  I freeze. Somewhere down there is someone the line of succession for Poromiel, or at the very least, linked to Viscount Tecarus, now King Tecarus.

    I am beyond relieved that learning to sign was something we were taught as children. I'm just praying that Garrick isn't that rusty. It takes a few tries but he gets what I'm saying. This was the goal for our first year, to establish a connection with a drift. We seemingly come to that decision together, because we both turn to look at each other in unison. I can see it in his eyes and I know he sees it in mine. We're going to make contact. 

    We climb back down, and he grabs my hand giving it a quick squeeze. "Be ready in case we need to make a quick escape." I warn Nox. We step out of the shadows together. "You know you guys are far pretty from home." I say gaining the attention of those around us. I anticipate the weapons heading our way, and whip up a shield that burns the two daggers thrown at us to ash. 

    "Well that's not very nice." Garrick says, the wind whipping around their camp, like a precursor to a tornado. "She was only saying hi." 

    "They're riders." Someone whispers, and the Gryphons start to advance towards us. I can hear Nox growl somewhere in the woods behind us.

    "My dragon doesn't react well when he thinks I'm in danger. So if you still want to return home in the condition you left it. I suggest backing down."

    "What's to stop you from killing us once we do." One of the guys says boldly.

    Garrick and I share a glance, is he being fucking serious. "Not the sharpest knife is he?" Garrick questions. "If we were interested in killing you, you'd have been torched when we got here twenty minutes ago."

    "Stand down." One of the girls says stepping forward. "Who are you?" 

    I can tell from the way she holds herself she's royalty. "You first princess." She flinches ever so slightly. 

    "Syrena Cordella." 

    "I thought so." I grin dropping my shield. "My name is Avari and this is Garrick."

    "What do you want with us?" She questions. "You haven't killed us yet, and you are clearly not part of any riot, so?"

    "I have a proposition for you, on behalf of Prince Riorson." That gets her by surprise. 

    "And what proof do we have of that?" The same guy from before asks.

    "She's a Solaris." Garrick says an arm dropping protectively over my shoulder. "And I'm a Tavis, is that not proof enough." 

    Syrena seems to be thinking it over and then motions to the fire. "Well take a seat." We do, and I can sense Nox on edge.

    "Could you try and relax, no one is going to be stupid enough to attack us right now."

    You do not know that for certain.

    "So talk to the Gryphons, convince them that they can trust me, and they'll convince their fliers." 

    I shall only use what I need.

    "Nox, my dragon, he'll share proof with your Gryphons, if you'll allow it." It's all to easy to slip back into the diplomatic mindset of my youth.

    "That would help." She admits, her lips curling upwards in a semi sneer. Almost like she thinks she can learn more about me without my knowledge. Garrick and I remain silent as Nox does as I ask. We can't talk right now, at least not the way we want too, but the slight breeze along my face is enough of a reassurance. 

    It is done Sweet One.

    "Believe us now." She nods, and the others take a seat around her. If they want to rush us, there's a real chance we'd be at a slight disadvantage. Garrick knows it too, I can tell from the way he shifts how he's sitting. He angles himself more to the right, but it just looks like he's moving closer to me. Gods I wish Xaden was here, not because we'd need him to fight our way out, but because we'd both feel more at ease with him here.  Last thing we'd want is to get hurt or die out here without him even knowing we had left the grounds. The distraction is well aware. Nox chimes in.

    "Seriously? Why would you tell him?"

    Because he may be your distraction, but he is almost as protective of you as I am. His tone is final and its too late to argue with him about it.    

    "So what's this proposition of yours." I share a glance with Garrick and he nods. 

    "I want to smuggle you weapons to help against the Venin." Someone drops their bowl, but I focus on Syrena. Garrick will watch the rest, he'll keep me safe.

    "You are a first year, how would you even manage that." I scoff, she's not as good of an actress as she thinks she is. 

    "I'm not just a first year and you know it." I can see it in her eyes, she knows exactly who I am, a Solaris. "I'm offering you help, either take it or we're leaving."

    "Samuel." She says, and the guy who wouldn't stop with the comments gets up. "His gift allows him to see answers for his questions, so long as he is touching you." 

    "Fine."

    "Vari," Garrick says quietly. "Are you sure? Xaden would-" I cut him off.

    "I'm doing this for him." I say assuredly. "I know what I'm doing." He nods squeezing my arm. I stand up and join Samuel on the side. Garrick stands as well, a few paces away the perfect defense position for if the others try and attack. He holds his hands out and I raise an eyebrow. I unzip my jacket letting it fall to the ground. "We aren't holding hands." I offer my forearm instead, and his grip is tight. 

    Nox growls in my head. Use your power, make him relent. 

    "You really don't get how politics work." I tease. "Now let me focus or I'll shield."

    Fine.

    "Love you too." I can feel the shift in him, he softens.

    "Are you ready?" Syrena asks. I nod.

    "Ask away Samuel." There's hate in his eyes, but he proceeds as agreed.

    "Are there really weapons?" The memory replays on its own, and its both cool and freaky. We watch together as I read through a report talking about them.

    "How did you learn this?" The memory that shows is me sneaking out of my room in the Palace and breaking into a Colonels office.

    "What are you to King Tauri?" Oh fuck. I can't stop or choose the memories. They only show what happened not my thoughts or my stance. So I am helpless in stopping what he sees. He's shown me serving King Tauri as a devoted subject, one who lives up to her family name. A girl who sentenced her own Prince to a Quadrant that would leave him as good as death. He saw King Tauri speaking about me with pride, of him hinting that his sons should try and win me over, that I would be an ideal daughter in law.

    He sees all of the moments where I played my role perfectly. The moment they fade I'm ready to talk. "I can ex-" The rest of the word is cut off from him slamming me onto the ground.

    Garrick shouts, as Samuel's hands wrap around my throat. "Are you scared to die?" He asks, and I stop fighting back, forced to have to watch the memory as his hands tighten their grip. 

    Then just as quick is he ripped off of me. I'm gasping for air and Garrick is by my side rubbing circles on my back. Wait if he's here then who stopped Samuel. I feel the familiar feeling of a shadow wrapping around my wrist and I look up. Our eyes lock and walking across the clearing, anger dripping with every movement, shadows darting around ready to strike, is Xaden.

    "You'll die for that." I've never heard him like this before. His shadows keep Samuel dangling in the air as he reaches my side. 

    "Well this should go better now that you're here." Garrick declares.

    He crouches down, as I finally manage to fill my lungs with enough oxygen. "Hey love, sorry I'm late." He pulls me to my feet, keeping his arm around my waist. 

    "Let him go." I request. "He saw the answer to his question, that's why he reacted that way. He just didn't ask the right question." 

    "And what question is that?" Syrena asks as Xaden drops Samuel. 

    "Why I want to help." I step forward holding my arm out, and Xaden immediately pulls me back.

    "No." He says firmly, his tone turning low. "You either try and trust us or don't. But you aren't touching her again to determine that." One of his shadows picks up my jacket, and hands it over to me. He lets go of me long enough so I can slip it back on and then his arm goes right back around me. Garrick stays at my other side, his presence as reassuring as always.

    "Syrena you are first in line for the throne. I know the type of things you've been taught. You were raised for politics and that's what this is." I'm appealing to the future ruler in her. The one that had to have been trained to put what's best for her people above all else.

    "Trust is earned not given." She argues.

    Gods I always hated that saying it wasn't true. Trust is always given, people just never realize it. "No, trust is given and then must be maintained. You letting us into your camp, that was trust. Us not attacking was maintaining it." 

    She sighs and then nods. "Okay, I'll hear you out. For real." So we take our seats again. Xaden’s shadows circling my feet. I let small sparks of light sprinkle down onto them, like snow on the fields. I catch one of the girls watching in amazement. 

    "My plan is to smuggle out weapons and deliver them to you." I say getting right to the point. 

    "I saw your memories, King Tauri favours you, why would you ever sacrifice your chance at marrying one of his sons and becoming Queen." Spits out the boy from before.

    "Because he isn't my king." My tone is harsh, but I don't care anymore. "I am a citizen of Tyrrendor, that is my home. My parents died to free it, to protect our people, and I am following in their footsteps." I let my anger take over. "So I have had it with you doubting where my loyalties lay."

    Garrick gently places his hand on my arm, and I let some of my anger go. "Avari is loyal to the Rebellion. If you can't trust her, this will never work." Xaden says firmly.

    "Alright." Syrena says. "Samuel go for patrol, you aren't helping here." He looks shocked, but gets up and on his Gryphon. They take off, and I feel myself relax. "I'm sorry about him. He lost his dad in a recent attack." 

    "Like Avari was saying, we can get you weapons, and we can give you help once we graduate." 

    "And what do you want in return." I look to Xaden for permission to reveal my plan. The shadow on my wrist squeezes me lightly. 

    "The day Navarre asks for peace between itself and Poromiel. I want for Poromiel to demand for Tyrrendor's freedom."

    She laughs, they all do. "Navarre will never go for peace."

    "They will." I say, completely and utterly sure of myself. I will finish what my parents started. "And when they do, Poromiel is going to demand Tyrrendor's freedom and Xaden taking the throne."

    "And why are you so sure they'll want peace."

    "You may not know her, but when Avari sets her eyes on something she always figures out how to get it done." Garrick interjects. 

    "We'll get you your weapons, support against the Venin, and a ceasefire, in return you do as Avari requests to get Tyrrendor's independence." Xaden finishes. I'm surprised that he doesn't tell them to do as he requests. He specifically tells them to deal with me, like I'm the one with the power and not him.   

    "Do we have a deal or not." I ask.

    "I'll need to speak to my uncle first." I nod, and Xaden pulls out a piece of paper from his jacket. I recognize it, its one of the contracts I had written up. He came prepared.

    "Get him to sign this then, as well as yourself, and two representatives of your court." She nods, and honestly this went pretty well. 

    "Our countries were allies before, we simply want to reestablish that." Xaden says firmly. "Our parents died for it, to help you all."

    "We know." She pauses and looks at him. "Can she really do as she says." 

    "She won't stop until she does."

    "We all won't." I correct, confused as to why he's delegating things to me. Darkness covers us, and I glance up and our dragons are hovering above. "And that's our cue to leave."   

    "We will be back here, same time next week." Xaden says. "Have your decision by then." We turn and head back to our dragons. Chradh lands for Garrick, Nox drops his tail for me, and Xaden creates a shadow loop to pull himself up. 

    The flight back passes in silence, and Xaden’s eyes don't leave me for half of it. There's definitely a talk coming. We land on the flight field and quickly dismount. Its well past curfew and we need the sleep. We sneak back in with ease, between his shadows and my light, we can sense anyone coming before they even get close. It's all too easy and we slip back into his room. 

    "That went well." Garrick says. "All things considered."

    "Now we just have to trust that they'll help us. Otherwise we're so fucked." I mutter, taking off my flight jacket and draping it over his chair. 

    "Not much we can do now, hopefully we can all get away for the next meeting." I nod.

    "Guess that means I get to figure out where exactly the weapons are and how to smuggle them out." 

    "Not tonight." Xaden says firmly. "You both need rest." 

    "Take it easy on her," Garrick orders as he slips out of the room. 

    I turn to face Xaden, who looks varying degrees of mad. "What were you thinking?"

    "I was thinking that it was a good idea. To prove my intentions by sharing what I knew." I say calmly.

    "He could've killed you! Did you think about that?" Okay fuck being calm.

    "I did! And it was worth the risk."

    "No it isn't! Your life isn't worth the risk Avari, it never has been." Gods he's the king to be and he's acting like I'm the one who's going to inherit the kingdom.

    "I'm the royal advisor Xaden, not the royal-."

    "But you will be." His words catch me off guard.  

    "What?" 

    "I want to marry you Avari. I want to spend every day with you until Malek takes me. If I lose you, I lose my reason to fight, my future, my heart. You are the one loss I cannot allow for." His voice is firm and there is no doubt in his eyes.

    I am at a complete loss for words. Still I manage to get a phrase out. "You want me as your Queen?"

    He softens, gently grabbing my left hand. "You haven't thought about our future?" His thumb brushes over my ring finger. Of course I've thought about it.

    "Xaden I'm not a noble, or anyone really."

    "You're a Solaris." He reminds.

    "That means something here." I stress waving my hand across the room. Here as in Navarre, not Tyrrendor.

    "It means something everywhere." He corrects. "You always have to fight me on things don't you?"

    "The kingdom won't accept me."

    "They don't have a choice in the matter. Its mine to make, and I have chosen you since we were sixteen, if not sooner."

    "Is this you proposing?" I ask. 

    "Not yet, you deserve something better then this, and I don't even have the ring." The ring. Not a ring. One word changes everything. 

    "I don't need any of that." I dismiss. "Just you." 

    "Doesn't mean I don't want to give it to you one day my love." I cave so quick its embarrassing.

    "Gods Xaden." I whisper. "Fuck I want that, to spend my life with you."

    His lips brush mine and his hands start to undo my corset. Two can play at the game. I undo his pants enough so I can slide my hand down and he groans into my mouth. We battle for dominance, and he catches me off guard when he leans me down onto the bed. Clothes are thrown to different parts of the room. His fingers find my entrance with ease, and I am trying in vain to guide his cock there instead. 

    "Need you in me now." I pant, desperate to be split apart by him. He smirks against my neck and I expect him to ignore me and instead take his time like usual. I feel his length drag against me and I spread my legs trying to move my hips. He pins me down and with a single look gets me to behave.

    He moves so fucking slow, I'm beyond frustrated and tears run down my face. "Babe please." I beg.

    "Look at my girl, so fucking needy." He teases finally slipping the tip in. "So wet." He growls shifting forward ever so slightly. I'm being split apart and he's barely even in me. 

    "All for you baby." His eyes snap to mine. "Its always for you, whenever I touched myself, all I had to do was think of you." 

    The room darkens, we become entirely surrounded by his shadows and I know I'm getting to him. "Avari." He warns, but I ignore it, I need him to give in instead of taunting me. 

    "I'd touch myself imagining it was your fingers, your voice telling me what to do." I roll my hips, and his grip is iron clad against me, stilling my movement. "And when I came undone, it was always your name on my lips." 

    "Fuck." He groans but he doesn't give in. "Look at you love, so fucking desperate for me." He trails kisses down my neck and bites the side of it, just enough to hit that painful pleasure, I've come to adore from him. He sinks into me and squeezes my tits at the same time. 

    My nails dig into his back and my mouth falls open in a silent moan. Gods I swear I see stars. "Move please." I beg. This time he does just that. He pulls back until he's in by just the tip and snaps right back in me. It's brutal and punishing, the moans tumble out of me.  His finger becomes fused to my clit and his mouth to my tits. I can't focus on anything but his name. "Xaden." My voice catches when he hits that sweet spot.

    "So tight for me." He growls, pushing my legs up and over my head. I see stars, the pleasure keeps building as he hits me deeper then ever before. 

    "All yours." I'm sure I look like a wreck. But as long as he keeps fucking me like this I don't care. I see the look of pure possession cross his face before he comes spilling into me.  It sparks my own orgasm, and as we catch our breaths, him still fully sheathed in me, do I realize he's already getting hard again.

    He has a wicked a grin as he wraps my legs around his waist, and flips us so I'm on top. "Show me just how much your mine." 

    "I've always been yours baby." I lean forward so I can kiss him. "Since the start." I'm so fucking sensitive but I start to move, nice and slow. 

    "You can do better then that." He taunts, and I take it as a challenge. I trail kisses over every part of him I can reach, while keeping his dick nice and warm. 

    "I never let anyone else fuck me, because I knew I only ever wanted your cock in me." He groans and I wonder if he even notices his shadows stroking my sides. "All the boys wanted me and I only had eyes for you."

    "Avari keep going love."

    "They called me Riorson's girl, that I spread my legs for you. Gods know I tried to make it true." I smirk when he looks at me shocked. "I wore such little clothing at night, always touching you in the day, just trying to get you to snap and fuck me over the nearest surface."

    "Fuck love. You already knew what you wanted, didn't you?"

    "I knew only you could keep me satisfied. I waited for you to be the one to split me apart, to make me come undone, to ruin me." I punctuate each point by taking him back in to the hilt.

    "Fuck."

    "Because I knew even back then, I was only ever yours." He catches me off guard when he thrusts up into me. I pick up the pace and he just matches me movement for movement. 

    "All mine." His hand settle on my waist, their grip hard and bruising. I don't respond too focused on getting him to let go. "Say it."

    "Yours Xaden." Its a declaration, a fact of life. "Every part of me is yours." He looks at me like I'm prey, his to own, and with such pride at the admission.  It does me in, I sink down to the hilt, leaving no space between us as I practically milk him into me and he groans into my neck as he follows me into a high.

    We just lay there, him inside of me, as I rest on his chest. "I love you." The hand that was toying with my hair stills, then he's kissing me, nice and slow.

    "I love you too." His shadows have long since faded from around us, and I chance a glance around the room. 

    "Oh." Across the room, is a streak of burnt everything. Like a circle that originated from us, everything in its path was scorched. 

    Xaden just grins. "Still better then when we break the bed." I laugh and go right back to kissing him. We fall asleep trading kisses and still entirely naked. 

    Gods this man is everything.