Chapter Text
when you start smiling
half lipped
and your teeth tick
and your eyes falter
and I can't catch them when they fall
and I can't see where they fall
I guess they rolled under a table
or they rolled under a door
but they're not in my hands
and my fingers want more
bits and bits of azure
little droplets of blue.
well, I'm either a
ran-their-mouth-a-time-too-much and a
laugh-out-loud-a-tad-too-loud
kinda freak or a
sit-quiet-in-a-corner-with-eyes-lost and a
forget-how-to-joke-and-all-words-are-lost
kinda freak, there's really no in-between
if you think about it...
well, I'll say "fuck you,
I'm not disposable when I'm not of use,
I'm not here to entertain you,
I'm tired of soaking in all your blue.
I've made you my muse
but it's time I take what I mean
and I've been awkward and I've been mean
but maybe we could mix up better
if I wore a little green."
well, I'll say "I still like you,
does that repulse you?
Does that amuse you?
Aren't you tired of me too?
You really couldn't give me more blue,
with both hands on my hips,
so why would I want you?
why would he want you?
well, I'll say "i still like you,
and i fear you wont be true
when you say it wont repulse you
when you fingertip your blue.
aren't you tired of me too?
you seem to do anything you can
to keep me close, close to you:
but only in text, only in chat,
is that worth your blue?"
well I'll say "fuck you,
why are you still worth your blue?
why am I still worth to you?"
well, I'm either a
ran-their-mouth-a-time-too-much and a
laugh-out-loud-a-tad-too-loud
kinda freak or a
sit-quiet-in-a-corner-with-eyes-lost and a
forget-how-to-joke-and-all-words-are-lost
kinda freak, there's really no in-between
if you think about it...
and despite it all
i still write obsessively
i still love obsessively
i still fear obsessively
and i care, and i worry, and i cry over nothing
and i lose, i lose, i lose.
but sometimes i win
(i always win) did we win? did we win?
man, why are all my poetries about you so sad anyway?