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Chapter Text

“What is to be done?”

Wei Wuxian blinked, eyes unfocused. The first thing he saw was Master Qiren looking at him with a stern expression, bordering on taunting. His skin crawled.

He could still feel the teeth and nails of the corpses broken from his control digging into his flesh, tearing him into shreds so that no body would remain-

“If you are unable to answer, Wangji - tell him what is to be done.”

As gracefully as a dancer, Lan Wangji stood. He gave his Uncle a short bow before responding.

“First, deliverance-” before he could continue his answer, he was interrupted by a soft chuckle. All eyes turned to Wei Wuxian, who was still standing at his table. The head disciple was known for his boisterous laughter and easy-going attitude, but the room seemed to chill a few degrees when Wei Wuxian’s chuckle grew slightly louder. Slightly more manic.

“Wei Wuxian,” Master Qiren snapped, his face turning red in anger. “Just what do you find so funny about my lessons?”

Wei Wuxian just laughed louder, the sound no longer truly a laugh at all. He wrapped his arms around his middle, the faux-laughter tumbling past his twisted grin was accompanied by fat tears rolling down once more youthful cheeks.

“Wei Wuxian, if you are feeling unwell-”

“What sort of... of sick punishment is this?” he asked through his cackles, lifting his head but not bringing himself to look at anyone. He reached up and gripped his scalp, tugging so harshly at the roots that he could feel his hair being ripped out by the fistfull. Someone near him moved suddenly in his direction but he didn’t care.

He dropped the fistfuls of hair to the ground, his laughter bouncing off the walls of the classroom. He saw Suibian sitting casually on the floor beside the cushion he had been sitting on. With frantic movements, he darted forward and snatched it. He heard shouts of alarm but all he could focus on was how his hands shook as he unsheathed the blade.

It seemed to sing in his grip, as if it had never been abandoned.

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng stood abruptly, seeming to be the first person to recognize the frantic look in his brother’s eye. He lunged forward, aiming to grab the blade only to be a moment too late.

Wei Wuxian stabbed Suibian into his stomach. The blade slid into his gut with ease and yet he could barely feel it. The pain of his own spiritual weapon spilling his blood onto the spotless floors of the Cloud Recesses was child’s play in comparison to the pain he had just experienced not minutes prior.

The blood pouring onto the floor seemed deafening, no one watching in horror seemed able to take a breath, let alone make a sound. While he remained upright, Wei Wuxian’s manic laughter only grew louder. He slid Suibian out of his stomach only to slam it back in again and again. He laughed and laughed and laughed as blood dripped from his mouth and eyes. His torso was riddled with holes, the blood making the ruined fabric of his disciple robes stick to his skin.

He heard rather than felt his ribs crack with the force of the blade being slammed into his chest. His blows were haphazard, Suibian slashing through his lungs, his stomach, his guts with abandon. Flesh gave way like paper.

“WEI YING!” There was a hand on his wrist but he couldn’t feel it. His laughter was beginning to fade, his vision going black around the edges.

This was the ending he deserved. After everything he did... If this was a dream, he didn’t deserve for it to be peaceful. If this was the afterlife, he didn’t deserve to rest easily. If this was a second chance, he didn’t deserve to ruin everything again.

The screaming began, as if a silencing spell had been broken. The wails of terror rang in his ears as Wei Wuxian finally collapsed to his knees. His hands were frigid and cold as ice. He dropped Suibian into the sea of blood under him, unable to keep his fingers wrapped around its slick handle.

“Finally....” He croaked, his throat raw from laughing and his voice weak from the bloodloss. A face appeared in his fading vision but he didn’t know who it was. All he could make out through the blur of his sight was white and red. “Finally the demon... is dead.”

And Wei Wuxian felt his heart beat one last time.

“What is to be done?”

Wei Wuxian blinked, bile touching the back of his tongue. He glanced around, his face growing paler and paler as he took in the scene before him. Lan Qiren, glaring at him from the front of the room. Jiang Cheng, shooting him a glance, telling him to behave. Nie Huaisang, raising his eyebrows at him from behind his fan. Lan Wangji, glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

“No...” He whispered to himself in terror. “No, no - not again-”

He grabbed Suibian, knowing the blade would reveal itself to him. Before he could draw it, there was a voice that made him freeze. How long had it been since he heard that voice say his name in such a way?

“Wei Ying...” Lan Wangji said softly, making Wei Wuxian glance to his side. The other boy - because he was a boy again, no longer the man that had persecuted and attacked him so adamantly - reached out and took hold of the wrist of the hand holding Suibian’s hilt. Wei Wuxian felt the air in his lungs freeze, a dangerous growl getting caught in his throat.

“Lan Wangji,” he snarled in return. Though he could feel his core turning safely in his chest, it was as natural as breathing to gather what little resentful energy that lingered within the walls of the Cloud Recesses. It wasn’t much, given the clan’s power, but it was enough to make his eyes glow crimson, his hair curling slightly at the ends. “Release me. Now.”

“If you’re feeling unwell-”

“Like you give a fuck about how I feel!” He ripped his wrist from Lan Wangji’s grip. He knew the older boy was strong enough to keep his iron grip, he must have been shocked enough by the sudden outburst to let go. Wei Wuxian twitched, the resentful energy settling over his shoulders like a warm winter cloak. It felt so natural to wear it, even in his younger body. “You’re such a hypocrite! Acting like you give a shit when we all know how you really feel... but now I’ve finally opened my eyes. How does it feel, Lan Wangji? To know you can’t fool me any longer?”

“What... are you talking about?” Lan Wangji’s eyes were wide, his bangs trembling faintly as he looked at Wei Wuxian with something akin to fear. As if he didn’t recognize the boy before him.

“And to think I truly believed I was wrong,” Wei Wuxian continued his tirade, his eyes glowing a brighter red. “To think I genuinely believed you and I could finally be close... what a fucking joke!”

“Wei Wuxian!” Master Qiren barked in rage, his face matching the ribbon in Wei Wuxian’s hair. “How dare you-”

“Stay out of this, you bastard,” He seethed, turning his ire onto the older man. “If Lan Wangji is a hypocrite, you’re the one he learned it from! You preach righteousness and morals but your own are so corroded and corrupt that you’d rather watch the innocent die than speak against the image you wish to project onto the world.”

“You’ve gone too far-”

“You think this is too far?” He asked with an incredulous laugh. “This? Simply talking back to you is too much? Oh... that’s a fucking riot!”

He started laughing, the sound grating and vile. Those watching the exchange had been frozen in their spots, only to flinch away at the sudden volume. He could feel his sanity - what was left of it, at least - unraveling like a poorly sewn hem. He couldn’t stop laughing even if he had wanted to - it was as if his mind was no longer in control of his body. He could feel himself sobbing through his maniacal laughter but he was powerless to stop it, even if it was breaking his heart.

He cried like this when Jin Zixuan had been killed by Wen Ning. He cried like this when he had been confronted by three thousand cultivators before the battle that had taken his beloved Shijie from him. If he hadn’t been paralyzed from her needles, he would have cried like this when Wen Qing and Wen Ning went to sacrifice themselves to the Jins, all for the sake of the life of a man who deserved to die.

He had committed too many sins, taken too many lives. Nothing he could do would come close to washing his hands of the blood that stained his skin so deeply that even his bone marrow was tinged with a red that didn’t belong to him.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji called out again, his voice tight with concern. He took Wei Wuxian’s wrist once more, fingers tight as iron around the other boy’s arm. He tried to send his spiritual energy directly into Wei Wuxian’s meridians in an attempt to calm him only to gasp when he felt something foreign bite back at him.

“If this is too far, then why don’t you kill me yourself this time?” He all but screamed, spit and tears flying from his face. He felt Lan Wangji’s hand flinch away from his wrist.

“Wei Wuxian...” Lan Qiren looked conflicted. “You are unwell. Wangji, escort him to the infirmary.”

“Yes, Uncle.”

“I won’t go,” He growled, the resentful energy surging again. Those closest to him flinched away. “You can’t make me!”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji stepped closer. “You are pale and shaking. Please, allow me to bring you to the infirmary.”

“Fuck you, Lan Wangji-” he spat, only for his vision to go black. He collapsed only to be caught by the very boy he had been cursing.

“Something isn’t right,” Jiang Cheng murmured as he brought his hand down. He had only had to sedate his brother with the pressure point on the back of his neck a handful of times, each time only to prevent Wei Wuxian from doing something potentially deadly. “I’m coming with you.”

“Mhm.” Lan Wangji didn’t voice any arguments with the statement, turning on his heel to carry the unconscious Wei Wuxian to the infirmary.

Wei Wuxian opened his eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling.

“You’re awake,” Jiang Cheng said the moment he saw his brother stir. “How are you feeling?”

“What are you doing here?” Wei Wuxian asked, his tone cold and detached. It was such a far reach from his usual tone that Jiang Cheng physically flinched back.

“Why wouldn’t I be here?” He snapped back in an attempt to cover his shock. “You suddenly started acting possessed in class! Of course I’m going to make sure you’re alright, dumbass!”

“I don’t need you,” He snarled but found he was too weak to properly sit fully. He propped himself up on his elbow, fixing the other boy with a glare vile enough to make a weaker man cower. It wasn’t the glare of Head Disciple Wei Wuxian but rather the glare of the Yiling Laozu, feared for his bloodlust and heart as black and dead as a corpse. “I’ve never needed you.”

“Wh- Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng snapped, his shock quickly morphing to anger. “How dare you say such a thing!”

“Get lost,” He snarled, a lock of wayward hair falling in his face. He was sure he looked like a ferocious ghost but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Get the fuck out of my face!”
“Not going to happen,” Jiang Cheng shot back. “You’re my fucking brother! I’m not going to abandon you-”

He cut himself off when Wei Wuxian let out the same manic laugh he had back in the classroom. Jiang Cheng’s face paled when he saw the look on his brother’s face.

Covering his eyes with a shaking hand, Wei Wuxian laughed harder. He fell back onto the bed, his hair falling across the pillow like an inky river. He laughed harder at the irony of the whole situation.

Maybe this really was the afterlife - he didn’t think he would get one, given how he died. To anyone else, it would seem like a paradise - being able to see your beloved ones once more, at a time in your life when you were happy and filled with empathy. To anyone else, being able to relive such a time would be a blessing worth more than all the gold in the world.

But to Wei Wuxian, it was a punishment worse than death itself. Being forced to see his failures so realistically was crueler than anything even he could have come up with. Not even he would have forced this upon his enemies.

Most of his enemies, at least.

“I’m not leaving,” Jiang Cheng said finally, sitting back down and stubbornly crossing his arms. “Threaten me with that awful expression all you want but it’s not going to work.”

“Haha... a glare isn’t enough but I know what is,” he threatened. From the corner of his eye, he saw Jiang Cheng freeze. “Don’t worry, Young Master Jiang. I won’t allow that to happen... not this time.”

“You sound insane,” Jiang Cheng’s voice shook. “Get some fucking sleep, idiot. If you even got Master Qiren worried about you, you have to realize it’s something serious.”

“What’s on that tray?”

“Huh?” Jiang Cheng glanced over to the small table on the other side of the room. All that was on it was a tray holding various objects. “Looks like... a pair of scissors, a small knife, a roll of bandages, some needles for sewing wounds... why do you want to know-”

Without another word, Wei Wuxian summoned the last of his strength and darted forward. Jiang Cheng attempted to stop him but was too shocked by the sudden movement to react fast enough.

“What are you- WEI WUXIAN!” Jiang Cheng’s horrified scream was swiftly followed by the sound of blood splashing on the floor. The small knife from the tray slid across his throat almost as easily as Suibian had. It wasn’t a clean cut, but it was a deep one, and that’s all that mattered.

He refused to destroy everything again. Even if it scarred Jiang Cheng for the rest of his life, at least he would be alive to be scarred.

Choking on his own blood, Wei Wuxian crashed to the floor of the infirmary. He faintly recognized Jiang Cheng attempting to stem the bleeding, the younger boy’s hands shaking so violently that it only agitated the wound further.

Rain fell on Wei Wuxian’s cheeks. He managed to crack his eye open just a fraction. He was able to focus his gaze just long enough to see the horrified, desperate tears rolling down Jiang Cheng’s face.

His heart stuttered at the sight. He had seen Jiang Cheng cry before, but never with such a wretched, desolate, broken expression before. Not even when Lotus Pier burned. Not even when Shijie- when Jiang Yanli was killed.

Both times he looked broken, but there was enough rage behind the cracks to make him look vicious as a rabid dog.

Now he just looked like a broken child, Wei Wuxian’s blood staining his fingers, the crimson splashing up onto his pale cheeks in his desperation to stop the life of his brother from spilling out of the horrid gash on his throat.

For only a fraction of a second, Wei Wuxian felt something akin to regret for his actions but that feeling was quickly replaced by the numbness that crawled through his veins. There were no more chances to ponder the surprisingly bought of regret for once again, for the third time, Wei Wuxian was dead.

“What is to be done?”

Wei Wuxian’s knees hit the ground.

“Again?” He whispered, silent tears instantly rolling down his cheeks. “Why is this happening...?”

“Wei Wuxian! If you are feeling unwell, go to the infirmary!” Master Qiren’s voice called out.

He sounded angry, but Wei Wuxian was just grateful for the surprising opportunity to leave. He didn’t know what he would do if he were to remain in the classroom. Would he try to kill himself again? Would he collapse like a marionette with its strings cut? He didn’t want to have that choice made for him, so he did the next best thing - removed himself so there was no choice to be made. On numb feet, Wei Wuxian stood once more. His eyes were blank and dull as he silently walked out of the classroom. He swayed as he went, not even noticing how Suibian sat, abandoned at his table.

His ears rang as he wandered aimlessly. He knew the way to the infirmary, but he didn’t care much to actually go there. He knew there was nothing they could do for him there - what sort of herb or tincture could possibly exist that could cure a twisted soul?

Sounds of music drifted through the calm air. For a moment, Wei Wuxian felt the numbness begin to recede. He followed the music, not knowing - or caring - where his feet were taking him.

He never thought he would feel this way again. For a fraction of a second, he felt as though the endless darkness that had been weighing him down had lifted. Things had been... good. For once, things had been going well for him.

The Burial Mounds were livable, the Wens in good spirits. They had made a breakthrough with their farming and actually had enough money to feed A-Yuan properly. For the first time, the child’s cheeks were round. Wei Wuxian had thrown himself into the making the gift for Jin Ling and it had resparked his love for inventing and creating again. For the first time in months - years, even - he felt the same joy he had when it came to making something with his own two hands again.

He was going to see his Shijie and his nephew. He would be able to see his brother. He would be able to show the Cultivation world that he wasn’t the monster they all assumed he was. He was going to change his future, and the future of the Wens.

Things were finally looking up, and Wei Wuxian was beginning to remember what it felt like to be happy again.

For the first time in years, Wei Wuxian actually had hope.

What a pathetic fool he had been.

Then Jin Zixuan appeared where he wasn’t supposed to be. Then Wen Ning and Wen Qing took the burden of sacrificing themselves. Then Jiang Yanli appeared where she wasn’t supposed to be. Then Jiang Wanyin attempted to rid the world of the plight that had once been his brother.

And what little happiness he had managed to scrape together, cupped in desperate, trembling hands, scattered in the wind once more. Being ripped to shreds by his own corpse army had been a blessing, for he knew the moment they turned on him that there would be no chance for him to be reincarnated.

It was more than a relief to know he would never again return to such a cruel, cold world.

But then he woke up again. It was inhumane, but maybe he deserved it. After what he did... was he not the one soul in existence who deserved this sort of eternal damnation?

If he couldn’t die, he would be forced to relive the happiest time of his life for eternity? Doomed to recall the months where he was carefree and filled with a vigor for life? Now, every time he saw a familiar face, or walked a familiar path, rather than nostalgia he would be filled with nothing but despair and desolation.

These happy memories would be tainted, just as he was.

“Young Master Wei,” The music stopped and Wei Wuxian felt the tension immediately return to his shoulders. He froze, eyes sharp. If there was a threat, he wasn’t about to be caught off guard by it. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class?”

“Young Master Lan,” His words were stilted and stiff. He only remembered a beat later to bow to Lan Xichen. “I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“You weren’t interrupting anything important,” He placed Liebling aside and gestured for the younger boy to sit beside him. “I simply had some free time and felt the urge to play a little. Did you find it pleasing to listen to?”

“You are very skilled,” Wei Wuxian said, awkwardly sitting beside the older boy. His body was tense, the lines of his limbs stiff as a corpse. Lan Xichen frowned a little at the sight - how often had he heard his brother complain about Wei Wuxian’s lazy way of sitting? And now he looked as if he had received news of his own execution. “This one was drawn to your playing.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Lan Xichen took a closer look at Wei Wuxian. While he looked the same as he had the day prior, there was something different about the boy. His hair was in the same ponytail, his robes sat the same on his frame. With a sinking stomach, Lan Xichen realized what was different.

It was the lifeless look in the younger boy’s eyes.

Normally Wei Wuxian’s eyes shone like moonlight, mischief and amusement twinkling with promises of breaking rules. Now, his eyes were dull as old steel, the shine long scrubbed away.

“Are you feeling alright, Young Master Wei?”

“Of course,” He replied instantly, his tone as dull as his eyes. It made Lan Xichen’s mouth turn down. “This one simply needed a break. Master Qiren’s lectures can be... a bit much, sometimes.”

“That they can be,” Lan Xichen agreed easily. “They can be hard for the Lan disciples to sit through. I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be for one not accustomed to the way our sect lives.”

“It’s... not unbearable,” Wei Wuxian admitted softly. His brow furrowed faintly, as if recalling something unpleasant. “Sometimes we take for granted the peace we find ourselves in. The Cloud Recesses are nothing like Lotus Pier, but I’d have to be a fool to be unhappy knowing I’ll have three meals a day and a bed waiting for me come evening.”

“Do... are you not fed well in Yunmeng?”

“I was- I am,” Wei Wuxian winced. How long had it been since he stepped foot in his home? The last time he had been to Lotus Pier, it burned to the ground along with everyone in it. He and Jiang Cheng had been the only two present who survived. “Of course I am.”

Wei Wuxian still wasn’t sure what he had woken up in, but he realized quickly he needed to be careful. He clearly couldn’t die, which meant if anyone caught on he could be tortured to the point of breaking only to be brought back again and again.

His last two deaths still clung to the back of his tongue. He had killed himself twice in the span of an hour. It was hard for him to gauge time, seeing how he was stuck in some sort of demonic loop, but the combined time he had spent in the Cloud Recesses since being torn to shreds in the Burial Mounds couldn’t have been longer than an hour. He could feel the skin of his torso and throat itch where - in another time - a blade had so easily severed the tendons and spilled his blood onto the floor.

His hand twitched. He could see Lan Xichen’s sword sitting beside him. It would be little effort to dart across the table and grab it. He could skewer himself before the older boy even had a chance to blink.

But he would wake up again, as he had the first two times. He didn’t dare test it again so soon, for the crushing realization that he couldn’t die the way he deserved would have been too much to bear.

“What’s on your mind?”

“A story,” He lied smoothly. “I came across it a while back but was never able to finish it.”

“What was it about?”

“A vile, inhuman demon was killed, but they woke up again in their own past, before everything went wrong,” He didn’t know how honest he could be but at least he had an escape plan. If things went south he simply needed to kill himself again to restart this infernal loop and no one would be the wiser for it. “No matter what they did, they continued to wake up at the same point over and over again.”

“Did you ever find out why they kept waking up again?”

“No,” This time it was the truth. “I think it was punishment for the crimes they committed in their first life.”

“Well, how would you have wanted it to end?”

“Huh?” Wei Wuxian blinked. It was the most expression Lan Xichen had seen on the younger boy’s face since he sat down. Wei Wuxian furrowed his brow for a moment in thought before helplessly shrugging.

“I don’t know,” He whispered, eyes downcast. “I... I was never very good at storytelling.”

“Well, if I could choose the ending, I think I’d like for the demon to realize they had been misunderstood and being sent back in time was a second chance for them,” Lan Xichen hummed. He tapped his chin as he pondered the imaginary plot. “I think it would make for a good story for the evil demon to be a morally grey character who is able to atone for his sins and create a better world in the end.”

“That’s... a lovely ending,” Wei Wuxian’s throat stung. “I think... I think that would have been a good ending.”

“It’s a shame we’ll never get to know how it actually ended,” Lan Xichen actually sounded remorseful. A moment later, the sound of a bell tolled in the distance. “Ah, I must get to my lecture. Uncle will be cross with me if I’m late again.”

“Again?” Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows rose in shock, causing Lan Xichen to smile and chuckle warmly.

“As hard as it is to believe, I’m not perfect,” He chuckled again at the sudden gobsmacked expression on the younger boy’s face. “I, too, lose track of time. I, too, find myself wanting to do things other than attend lectures.”

“I shouldn’t keep you any longer then,” Wei Wuxian said, standing and offering the older boy a low bow. “Thank you for allowing me to keep you company.”

“It was my pleasure,” Lan Xichen’s smile softened. “If you ever feel the urge to listen to my playing again, I’d be more than happy to indulge you. It’s not often I have an audience, so it would be quite the treat for me.”

“I may take you up on that,” Wei Wuxian attempted to smile, but the muscles felt creaky and unused. He caught a flash of something on Lan Xichen’s face but he couldn’t bring himself to try to name the emotion. “I’ll be going.”

“Wait.”

“Is something the matter?”

“Have you been in a fight recently?” Lan Xichen asked, his serene face twisted minutely in concern. Wei Wuxian frowned slightly at the seemingly random question.

“Not that I’m aware of,” he answered honestly. If his poor memory served him correctly, this was weeks before he punched Jin Zixuan in the face and was sent home early. At this point in his studies, he shouldn’t have gotten into any fights. “Why do you ask?”

“There’s a scratch across your throat,” Lan Xichen hummed. “I thought it was a trick of the light, but it seems raised.”

Wei Wuxian’s hand flew to his neck. To his horror, he felt a raised line across his adam’s apple, just as the older boy said. It matched perfectly to the gash that had killed him in the infirmary. He had a sinking feeling he would find similar marks on his chest should he open his robes.

“This one is unharmed.” How his voice remained steady, Wei Wuxian was unsure. He was just grateful that the concern on Lan Xichen’s face melted into his usual warm smile. The older boy nodded once more.

“In that case, I’ll be on my way,” He hummed. “If you find yourself in trouble at any point, please come find me or Wangji. We’d be happy to assist.”

Wei Wuxian nodded. In a past life, he might have been torn between scoffing and feeling giddy at the prospect of Lan Wangji being happy to assist him with something. Now, however, all he felt was numbness.

Without another word, Wei Wuxian left the small clearing he had happened upon and continued his aimless walk.

The concept of wounds on his chest burned his mind to ash so he changed direction and began walking towards the guest disciple dorms. He didn’t know exactly how much time had passed since the toll of the bell and him sliding the door to his room open, but he prayed to the gods that had forsaken him long ago that Jiang Cheng wouldn’t be there.

For once, it seemed the gods were listening. The room was blissfully empty, allowing Wei Wuxian to release a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding. Vanity was forbidden in the Cloud Recesses, but each guest disciple dorm was furnished with a small mirror to ensure everyone’s appearance was appropriate.

His hands shook as he undid his robes. He caught sight of the line across his throat that Lan Xichen had pointed out and felt his stomach revolt. It was faint, as if he had simply been scratched by a branch, but the skin was raised and pink against his natural tan. He realized with a start how strange it looked to see his reflection with the golden glow that wove poetics of Lotus Pier’s sun.

The last few years of his life, Wei Wuxian had been as pale as a ghost, any hints of warmth having been siphoned from his being long before he was known as the vile Yiling Patriarch.

It took him a few tries, but he finally got the ties of his under robes undone. His heart thudded painfully against his ribs as he took in the sight of a single, raised line on his chest. It was as long as Suibian was wide and was the same pink as the one across his throat. For a moment, he was shocked that there was only one. He recalled stabbing himself through enough times to qualify him as a fishing net only to pale when he finally understood what had happened.

It was the killing blow. The other wounds had aided in the loss of his own life, but this was the mark that had finally finished the job.

No, that wasn’t quite right. Looking closer, he felt bile on the back of his tongue once more. They were harder to see, but the other marks were indeed still there. They blended in with his skin better, as though they were long healed scars, but if one were to look close enough they would see them.

A helpless chuckle slipped from his lips. He couldn’t even escape his own death, he realized with a heavy heart. No one else would remember, but his body would never forget. How many times would he have to kill himself before he would stop waking up? If you were to pour water from one bucket into another over and over again, eventually there would be no water left. There had to be a limit to how many times he could wake up before his soul was no longer viable.

But was he strong enough to test it? Was he strong enough to kill himself over and over again in hopes that maybe - just maybe - one of the attempts would work and he would actually remain dead?

“There you are,” The door slammed open. Wei Wuxian didn’t bother moving to cover his chest. He couldn’t rip his eyes away from his own reflection. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Jiang Cheng in the mirror, the younger boy looking angry. “You left Suibian in the classroom! And worse, you never even went to the infirmary! What the fuck were you thinking? Master Qiren is going to spit up blood when he finds out. You’re going to be copying rules until your hair turns grey!”

“It doesn’t matter...” Wei Wuxian muttered lifelessly, still staring intently at the mark on his chest. He barely recognized himself. At fifteen, he had nearly twice the muscle he had died with, the skin unmarred by the Wen brand and the other reminders of his mistakes. It was like looking at a stranger, knowing fully well that you should know who they were.

“Of course it matters,” Jiang Cheng snapped, storming over to him. He gripped Wei Wuxian by the shoulder and pulled him around. “Master Qiren will absolutely write to Father! Then what will- holy shit, what happened?”

“What?”

“You-” A trembling finger traced the mark on his chest. Wei Wuxian heard a soft gasp as the finger trailed up to the mark on his throat. “Who... who did this to you?”

“No one.”

“Bullshit!”

“I did it.”

“You-” Jiang Cheng seemed to choke on the word. “We’re going to the infirmary. Now.”

“Why?” Wei Wuxian remained firmly planted on the ground, despite how the younger boy was attempting to tug him to his feet. “They won’t be able to do anything.”

“You’re hurting yourself,” He snapped. For a moment, Wei Wuxian recalled the broken expression on the other boy’s face when he slit his own throat. After that brief moment, the image was gone. “They have mind healers here. You- if you’re feeling so badly that you feel the need to take it out on yourself... they can help you here.”

“I don’t need help.”

“If you’re accepted into a program through the Cloud Recesses... you won’t have to go back to Lotus Pier when lectures are over.” Jiang Cheng whispered. Wei Wuxian felt ice go through his veins and Jiang Cheng was able to take advantage of his brother’s momentary shock to haul him to his feet. He barely registered Jiang Cheng retying his robes. It was a haphazard job, leaving the normally crisp lines crooked and uneven, but it was enough to make him decent.

“Why wouldn’t I return?” He allowed himself to be dragged out of the room.

“Because maybe then you’ll actually be happy,” Jiang Cheng’s voice was thick with tears, but all Wei Wuxian could see was the back of the younger boy’s head. “The only times you’re actually happy there are when you’re with me and A-Jie... maybe if you stay here, you can learn how to be happy in general.”

“I don’t think that’s possible for someone like me,” Wei Wuxian finally found the strength to rip his hand away from the other boy’s grip. “If I were you, I’d stop caring so much. Madame Yu was right - I only ever bring disaster with me. It would be best for everyone if I disappeared.”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng’s voice shook. He whipped around, showing his horrified expression to his brother. “Don’t- don’t say shit like that! What are you even talking about? Better for everyone? Who the fuck is everyone? Whose life would be better if you disappeared? Not mine! Not A-Jie’s! You-you can’t do that to her! You can’t do that to me-”

“It doesn’t matter,” Anger began seeping into his voice. “Get lost!”

“Wei Wuxian!”

“Jiang Wanyin!”

The two boys stared daggers at one another. Jiang Cheng’s eyes were red and glassy from tears. Wei Wuxian’s eyes were cold and steely with anger.

Without another word, Wei Wuxian bolted from the path. He could hear Jiang Cheng calling after him but he didn’t dare stop. While the younger boy was faster than him in the water, if Wei Wuxian ran at his full speed there was no chance Jiang Cheng would be able to catch up with him.

He didn’t even care that he didn’t have his entry token on him. He raced towards the gates, the only thought on his mind was to get out. No one called after him as he raced out of the Cloud Recesses. He faintly wondered how long it would take for anyone to even realize he had left the mountain at all. He knew Jiang Cheng would sound the alarm that he had run off, but he had a feeling everyone on the hunt would remain within the confines of the Cloud Recesses. They wouldn’t think to look for him in Caiyi town.

With that, Wei Wuxian bought himself a little time.

Chapter Text

He found it easy to carve a dizi from the bamboo surrounding the Cloud Recesses. Even though Chenqing hadn’t been created yet, he felt naked without her by his side. It took less than an hour to chisel the right holes into the wood, his movements steady as he walked. It was calming, he realized, to have something to do with his hands.

Playing a few test notes, Wei Wuxian found himself smiling a little. It wasn’t perfect, but it was incredible seeing how he made it on a whim. As he played a soft song he had heard once in a dream, he saw the lights of Caiyi town in the distance. He had no money on him, but he knew musicians were beloved no matter where they found themselves. He could easily play for a meal and a drink before forcing himself back up the mountain side.

Caiyi town was as lively as the Cloud Recesses were calm. Lanterns illuminated the streets despite the late hour, evening merchants calling to potential customers and people milling about. The scent of sweet roasted nuts and marinated meats filled the air as Wei Wuxian wove his way through the crowds. Many things caught his eye, but he had nothing to buy them with - besides, what would he possibly do with a hairpin, no matter how pretty it was? What use to him was a bolt of beautiful fabric, no matter how well made it appeared?

Just being surrounded by people seemed to remove a weight from his chest. No one paid him much mind other than nodding in a quick greeting if they caught his eye or muttering an apology if they bumped into him. He couldn’t recall the last time he had been able to go into public without being known - without being hunted. To be just another face in the crowd was a luxury he hadn’t realized he had taken for granted in his youth.

“Young Master~” A maiden called to him as he approached what appeared to be a tavern of sorts.

“Good evening,” He gave her the warmest smile he could muster. To someone who knew him, they would have seen through it in an instant but the young woman swooned nonetheless. “Tell me, do you serve alcohol here?”

“Of course,” She waved him closer. “Only the finest Emperor’s Smile is kept in stock.”

“But this one has no coin,” He said, putting on a pitiful act. In his youth, Wei Wuxian would often do the same to garner sympathy in hopes of getting scraps to fill his aching stomach. Sometimes it worked like a charm, but other times it ended with him being beaten and chased away. “I have no coin, but I do have this.”

He held up the bamboo dizi with a wink. The maiden’s eyes widened at the implications and she rushed closer.

“Does Young Master play well?” She asked, taking his arm and pulling him towards the tavern.

“It’s unseemly to brag,” He huffed before grinning again. “But this one wouldn’t dare brag when he says he’s quite skilled.”

“Play for us then,” She tugged him towards an empty table. “If it’s to our liking, then the Young Master won’t have to pay for a single thing tonight.”

Eyes glimmering with the prospect, Wei Wuxian brought the dizi to his lips and began to play. While he was known for his haunting melodies that commanded the dead and carved fear into the very souls of his enemies, Wei Wuxian knew many types of songs. A-Yuan loved when his Xian-gege would play something light-hearted and jaunty, as did the other Wen remnants.

He recalled the joy in Granny’s eyes when she smiled at him, the first time he played them one of the many Yunmeng tavern songs he had grown hearing. It had been energetic and up-beat and Wei Wuxian missed a few notes from how hard he was smiling seeing A-Yuan clumsily dance along to it.

Wei Wuxian began to play and the tavern fell silent. All eyes turned to him but he paid them no mind. His fingers danced along the bamboo and he felt as light as air. Quickly, other musicians began coming out of the woodwork and joined in as well. An older gentleman with arms as thick as Wei Wuxian’s waist pulled a washing basin over and began beating a rhythm into the bottom of it. Another man seemingly conquered a stringed instrument out of thin air and tucked it under his chin, running a bow along the catgut lines.

The tavern, already lively before Wei Wuxian arrived, seemed to glow as patrons stood to dance. Tables were cleared out of the way as they laughed and cheered. Wei Wuxain felt something in his chest snap at the sight but he didn’t waver in his playing. At the end of his life, he had little that brought him joy - his music was one of the few things that kept his pitiful heart beating.

Though was it the music, or was it how the music seemed to keep the Wens’ hearts beating as well? He didn’t want to dive into that topic so he shoved it down deep in his mind, where he would hopefully never find it again and continued the song.

One song turned into two, which morphed into three. Before he knew it, his jaw ached from playing and his mouth was dry as sand. The others continued the song but Wei Wuxian decided to take a break. Another dizi player had joined the fray so his absence didn’t ruin the sound of the music, which he was minutely grateful for.

“Here, Young Master~” The maiden approached him. She set down two jars, a tray of food, and a small cloth bag tied with a ribbon. “You’ve more than earned this.”

“This one thanks you,” He grinned and picked up the pouch first. “But what is this? Food and drink I appreciate more than you know, but you’ve stumped me.”

“Oh, that’s payment,” She giggled, hiding her smile behind her sleeve. Wei Wuxian blinked, shock painted clearly on his handsome features. The maiden’s cheeks flushed as she giggled again. “My father said you played far too well and brought far too many customers in for us to not compensate you somehow.”

“But you’re already compensating me,” he gestured to the food and drink. It clicked that the maiden must be the tavern owner’s daughter - no wonder she was so adamant about pulling him in. She wanted business to do well, after all. “I can’t possibly accept this-”

“And what would people say about our tavern if we take advantage of the skills of our patrons?” She scoffed, placing her hands on her hips. Wei Wuxian instantly felt scolded and placed the pouch back on the table. “If you ever wish to come back, we’ll welcome you with open arms.”

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to sneak away again after this,” He admitted as he took the cloth off one of the jars. It was cold as ice in his palm and he knew it would taste clear and smooth. “But this one appreciates the offer.”

“So you did sneak away,” She hummed, sitting in the seat beside him. “I had a feeling, given your attire.”

Wei Wuxian jolted a little and glanced down at himself. Sure enough, he was still wearing the GusuLan guest disciple robes. He flushed a little but covered his embarrassment by taking a long swig of the wine. It was like an elixir sliding down his hoarse throat, but he felt a twinge. Emperor’s Smile used to be the peak of all alcohol to him, but he suddenly found himself craving the fruit wine that Uncle Four managed to ferment. The fruit wine hadn’t been as smooth or refined, but it was strong and it was sweet.

“I hate to cut our evening short,” Wei Wuxian said once the plate of food was cleared. He stood and smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles from his robes before slipping the pouch of coins into his sleeve. “But I must be off. My brother must have realized I left the mountain by now and I’d hate for them to fuss over me.”

“Safe travels, Young Master,” The maiden giggled as she cleared the table. “And if you ever find yourself a chance to slip down the mountain, feel free to pay us a visit~ You’re like a good luck charm for business.”

“A good luck charm?” Wei Wuxian chuckled at the irony. He had lived so much of his life being told he would bring nothing but misfortune and suffering. “Ah, you flatter me far more than I deserve. I do hope you have a good rest of your evening.”

With a wave, Wei Wuxian saw himself out of the tavern. The faint buzz from the wine and the euphoria from playing again was quickly snuffed out as the cold night air struck his skin. He shivered, wondering why GusuLan gave their visiting disciples such thin robes when their own clan members wore more layers than courtesan’s makeup routine.

The walk back up the mountain gave Wei Wuxian plenty of time to reflect - something he had been putting off since the moment he slipped out of the Cloud Recesses. He knew he would be punished when he returned, though he wasn’t all that frightened by the prospect. What would they do to him - Make him copy rules? Order him to kneel for a few hours? Strike him with a ruler a few hundred times?

None of those felt like punishments anymore. They were mild inconveniences at the most, but Wei Wuxian would never consider something so gentle to be a punishment. If they truly wanted to punish him, they would have to bind him and make him watch his life burn to ash before his eyes. They would have to slaughter those he held dear.

So no, Wei Wuxian didn’t worry about being punished. He supposed what he was really worried about was how Jiang Cheng was going to react to all of this. As much as he wanted to shove the other boy away - push him as far away from the vile, despicable demon that Wei Wuxian was under his handsome face and silver eyes - he couldn’t bring himself to hate the person he once called brother.

Even though Sandu-Shengshou led the raid of the Burial Mounds, Wei Wuxian couldn’t find it in his heart to hate the man. Even when Jiang Wanyin buried Sandu’s blade in Wei Wuxian’s flesh, he couldn’t bear the thought of hating him. If anything, he wanted to thank him - for riding the world of the Yiling Patriarch.

Thank him for rebuilding Lotus Pier when Wei Wuxian had been too weak to save their home. Thank him for upholding the Jiang motto, even when his own parents tried tirelessly to tear him down, using Wei Wuxian himself as fodder for their neglect.

Thank him for the times they had together, before it had all been so callously ripped away. There was so much he wanted to say to Jiang Cheng, but there was no point now. Nothing he wanted to say would mean anything to the younger boy. All the apologies and tears would only serve to confuse and anger Jiang Cheng more.

Letting out a humorless chuckle, Wei Wuxian pondered the idea of simply never returning. It would be easy to slip into the night. He had a meager amount of money now - it wasn’t enough to buy new robes, but it would be enough to keep him from living on the streets. He could easily play for inns and taverns to earn food and shelter, maybe even busk in the streets to earn coin to buy robes and a proper dizi. It would be easy for him to slip away and let Wei Wuxian die, rebuilding a new life for himself.

But what would the point be? Even if he left, the war would still happen. There was nothing to be done to stop the Sunshot Campaign from devastating the world. Even if he ran away and changed his name, the war would still find him. He would still have to fight, one way or another, and the thought of fighting all on his own hollowed out his chest.

It wasn’t five, so the front gates would be locked. He sighed. He could wait until morning, but he was cold and the thought of sitting outside the gates just waiting to be punished made his stomach sour. He recalled how he snuck in during his first life - it should be soon that his original self would be caught by none other than the Second Jade himself. That first time, he thought himself so clever to pull Lan Wangji over the roof and outside of the Cloud Recesses in order to escape punishment. To his fifteen year old mind, no one would willingly give themselves up for punishment, so if they both broke the rules neither would get in trouble.

How wrong he had been.

Hauling himself up onto the roof, he took a moment to appreciate how beautiful it truly was in the Cloud Recesses. The moon shone down, nearly full, casting a brilliant silver light on everything around it. The stars were bright but they could never compare to the moon itself. There was a low lying fog obscuring the details of the world around him, creating an ethereal atmosphere. If he didn’t know any better, he might think he had found himself in the Heavens rather than on Earth.

“It’s past curfew,” A painfully familiar voice said. Wei Wuxian sighed, his shoulders slumping. He thought he would be safe, but maybe he had gotten the original timeline wrong? It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility given how strong his memory was. He tilted his head just enough to glance at Lan Wangji, not bothering to turn his body fully. “Alcohol is prohibited.”

Wei Wuxian glanced down. He had almost forgotten about the second bottle of Emperor’s Smile he had been gifted. He really didn’t have it in him to humor the other boy. All he wanted was to retire to his quarters and attempt a few hours of tossing and turning before he had to wake up to face another day of eternal punishment.

“Ah,” He hummed, as if he hadn’t realized. “My apologies, Second Young Master Lan. This one didn’t mean to break the rules.”

“I will confiscate the jar,” Lan Wangji said succinctly. “And tomorrow you will report to the Library Pavillion for your punishment.”

Wei Wuxian had several retorts prepared on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t know if any of them were even worth the effort. He could be teasing, or angry, or even flirty, but all options required him opening his mouth and speaking.

“Do you have nothing to say for yourself?” Lan Wangji asked, sounding mildly irritated. It was so opposite from the usual indifference he would speak to Wei Wuxian with when they were students together, but it was far too similar to how Hanguang-Jun would speak to the Yiling Patriarch.

So similar, in fact, that Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but flinch away. He held himself taut, as if preparing himself to be struck. Eyeing Lan Wangji warily, Wei Wuxian’s knuckles went white against the makeshift dizi in his hand.

“What would you have me say?” He finally mustered the courage to speak. “Would you have me prostrate and beg for forgiveness?”

“You have no remorse for your actions.”

“Remorse?” Wei Wuxian let out a dry laugh. He didn’t miss how Lan Wangji’’s grip on Bichen tightened at the sound. “Ah, you misunderstand me, Young Master Lan. Remorse is the only thing this one knows how to feel these days. Remorse, anguish, regret, hatred, resentment... Those are the emotions that have ripped me apart and stitched my crooked, vile limbs back together again.”

“Wei Ying-”

“Don’t,” he cut the other boy off. Anger flared in his core, making the golden sphere hiccup in its constant turning for just a moment. Years ago, Wei Wuxian did everything he could to hear that silky voice call out his name, even if it was in anger, but now it made his tongue sour. “Don’t call me that.”

“Something is wrong,” Lan Wangji frowned faintly. Golden eyes stared into silver, as if he were searching for something specific in Wei Wuxian’s gaze. “Young Master Jiang was beside himself when you left...”

“So?”

“We searched the mountain for you but couldn’t find you anywhere.”

“Why go to the trouble?” Wei Wuxian couldn’t stop the bitter smile from tilting the corner of his mouth upwards. “A stray always finds its way back to the door that feeds it. Besides, where would I have gone? I have nothing.”

“Where did you go?”

“If I tell you, will you punish me more?” He narrowed his eyes at the other boy, his smile growing slightly. Lan Wangji’s eyes widened a fraction at Wei Wuxian’s tone. Wei Wuxian mused that Lan Wangji had never heard such cold words come from his mouth before - Hanguang-Jun would beg to differ, but Second Young Master Lan only knew the Wei Ying that teased and whined and smiled as brightly as the sun itself.

“That remains to be seen.”

“I went to Caiyi town,” He didn’t know why he was being so honest. Maybe it was because nothing really mattered anymore. “I played for the tavern and was gifted food, drink, and coin for my music, then I returned here.”

“You’re too young to drink.”

“Oh,” Wei Wuxian blinked. He genuinely hadn’t realized - to him, he was well in his twenties but his body was fifteen again. He supposed commoners didn’t care as much about age when it came to keeping their businesses running. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Alcohol dulls the senses and causes one to make ill-informed choices,” Lan Wangji recited, as if he were reading from a text. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but scoff a little. “Indulgence leads to gluttony, grinding down the mind and tarnishing the spirit.”

“Maybe if you let yourself have a little fun now and again you’d realize how pathetic you sound,” He said without thinking. “Tarnish the spirit? By drinking a little? No wonder GusuLan are mocked behind their backs for being naive and easily fooled-”

“You-” Lan Wangji bared his teeth, pulling Bichen from its sheath in a swift, fluid motion. Wei Wuxian laughed out loud at the look of rage on the other boy’s normally stoic face.

Lan Wangji darted forward, not seeming to realize Wei Wuxian didn’t have Suibian on him. It was of little consequence, however, since Wei Wuxian was far more skilled at using his dizi to block blows aimed for his heart than he was at using his own sword.

He caught Bichen’s blade, the spiritual weapon biting deep into the bamboo. He grimaced a little - he had forgotten how much stronger Chenqing had been, not just as a tool for demonic cultivation but physically as well. It could handle a blade hacking at it and would barely maintain a scratch. Not even A-Yuan teething on her left marks and Wei Wuxian knew first hand how strong that child’s jaw was.

The dizi snapped in half as Wei Wuxian jumped away. His scowl deepened. While it had been quickly made, he didn’t appreciate Lan Wangji destroying something he had made, though at least this was familiar - this animosity in the other’s golden eyes, and the way he stalked around Wei Wuxian like a predator preparing to strike.

The jar of Emperor’s Smile crashed to the ground, the ceramic shattering and the wine soaking into the soil below it, but Wei Wuxian didn’t have the chance to mourn its loss. With half the dizi in each hand, he did his best to block Lan Wangji’s blows. He felt the blade knick his arm, the heat of the blood instantly staining the white robes.

Wei Wuxian froze, as did Lan Wangji.

Lan Wangji’s eyes fixated on the growing patch of crimson but Wei Wuxian was too busy thinking of something else to care about the horror in the other boy’s eyes.

Killing himself clearly didn’t work. Twice already he attempted to end his own life, only to wake up at the same point in time. Killing himself would most likely lead to the exact same outcome, but if someone else were to kill him...

He lunged at Lan Wangji, the broken dizi in his hands acting as makeshift weapons as he swiped at the other boy’s face. He managed to make contact, the uneven edge of the bamboo catching on Lan Wangji’s flawless skin. A line of blood instantly formed, a single drop of red marring his pale cheek.

In an instant, Lan Wangji was livid. He snarled and began attacking anew, only this time Wei Wuxian didn’t try to block the blows. No, he was trying to lead the other boy into a more opportune position. The moon watched them as they danced on the rooftop, both out for the same blood.

He knew Lan Wangji would pull his blows the instant he realized he might actually cause Wei Wuxian harm. Yes he was angry, but at this point in time the young cultivator had no blood on his hands. If he felt he might seriously injure Wei Wuxian, he would stop.

Wei Wuxian couldn’t allow that to happen, not now that he might have a chance at a true, final death. He wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip through his fingers because of Lan Wangji’s peerless morals.

He dodged, jumped backwards a hair. Lan Wangji charged after him, his robes glowing in the moonlight. Despite everything that happened between them, Wei Wuxian still thought he looked more like a Martial God than a human, his robes billowing around him like the fog that clung to the trees and the brilliance of the moon glinting off his deadly blade - a blade that had yet to know the taste of blood, or to feel the give of flesh under its edge.

“Ah-” Wei Wuxian pretended to slip, throwing his body forward. Lan Wangji noticed the danger in a heartbeat, the rage melting into horror in the blink of an eye. He tensed his arm to pull Bichen away but he wasn’t fast enough.

Bichen slid through Wei Wuxian’s chest easily, as if he had been made of paper and straw. He barely even felt the pain, the sword’s edge far too sharp.

“WEI YING-” Lan Wangji’s desperation bounced off the walls of the buildings around them. Wei Wuxian ripped himself off the blade, allowing his body to fall. He slide off the roof, collapsing in a bloody heap on the cold grass. Before he could slip into the darkness that beckoned to him so warmly, there were icy hands on his skin.

He groaned in agony when foreign spiritual energy invaded his meridians. He tried to twist away but his limbs refused to listen to him. All he managed was another pained whimper as pressure was applied to the wound.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Wangji shouted, fear and panic leaking into his voice. Faintly, Wei Wuxian noted how it was the most emotion he had ever heard in the other’s voice, even at the end of his first life. “Wei Ying please! Open your eyes! Pl-please... please open your eyes... I’m sorry... I’m-I’m sorry! I-I never- I shouldn’t have- I-”

Rain fell on Wei Wuxian’s cold cheek. He could hear Lan Wangji sobbing above him but his eyelids were far too heavy to lift. He knew he was dying, and all he could do was pray that this time he would finally stay dead.

“I should never have pushed you away,” Lan Wangji continued to sob. “I-I let you believe I-I h-hated you but-but I never-I could never-”

Wei Wuxian wanted to curl into himself but he couldn’t move. He wanted to open his eyes, even just for a moment - he wanted to see Lan Wangji’s face. Wanted to see if he was being genuine. He had never seen the flawless Second Jade cry before, and he wondered if he was as beautiful with tears streaming down his cheeks as he was reading, or training.

“I’m sorry,” There was a pressure on his chest, as if someone was resting their head against his heart. “Wei Ying... Wei Ying I- please don’t go... please don’t leave me-”

“Lan Zhan...” he whispered with the last of his breath. He heard the other boy gasp but his lungs refused to inflate again. Even if he had more to say, Wei Wuxian wasn’t alive to speak any of the words aloud.

“What is to be done?”

Wei Wuxian took a shaking breath. He could still feel his chest itch where Bichen had been buried only moments before. Now, the blade was sheathed by its master’s side, as it had always been.

“If you are unable to answer - Wangji, tell him what-”

“First, deliverance,” Wei Wuxian cut Master Qiren off. From his peripherals he saw Lan Wangji pause, having been halfway through standing in order to answer his Uncle’s question. “Second, suppression. Third, obliteration.”

“Very good,” Master Qiren stroked his beard, eyeing Wei Wuxian distrustfully. “Continue.”

“First, speak to his family about his dying wish,” Wei Wuxian’s voice was monotone, his eyes lifeless as he stared at Master Qiren’s shoes. “See if you can free him from whatever is holding him back. If you can’t, suppress his spirit. If he harbors too much resentment, eradicate his soul.”

“Good,” Master Qiren nodded approvingly. “That was a perfect answer. I hope to see this sort of work from you in the future, Wei Wuxian.”

“Of course.” He swayed in his spot before bowing to the older man and sitting. He could feel eyes boring holes into the back of his head but he paid them no mind, just as he paid no mind to whatever Master Qiren was now saying.

It didn’t work. That was the only thing racing through Wei Wuxian’s mind. He had been so sure - if killing himself wasn't enough, then dying by the hand of another would be what would end him permanently but it didn’t work.

Maybe it was because he fell on Lan Wangji’s blade on purpose? If someone killed him of their own free will, would the outcome be different? But there was no one who would be willing to kill him in cold blood at this point in his life. It would be several years before he pissed off enough people to have a bounty on his head.

If he could stick it out until the war, there was no possible way he wouldn’t be slaughtered in battle. He would have to fight fully, for if he threw the battle for the sake of dying on the enemy’s blade, it would most likely have the same outcome as his little accident on the roof.

He did not take a single note for the rest of class but his mind didn’t pause its rapid thoughts for even a brief moment. .

Chapter Text

The moment Master Qiren dismissed them, Wei Wuxian bolted from the classroom. He couldn’t bear to stay a moment longer - not when he could feel the concern radiating off more than one person. He didn’t have any destination in mind but he found his way down a familiar path. The sound of a xiao filled the serene air and he felt the tension leave his shoulders.

He couldn’t handle speaking to Lan Xichen but he didn’t want to leave just yet. He settled against a tree, just out of sight of the older boy and let his eyes flutter closed. The calming melody washed over him as he let his mind wander. Any time his thoughts meandered a little too close to undesirable topics he scrunched his brows until the thoughts went away.

He fell into a light meditation, focusing mainly on his breathing and the world around him. It made him wonder why he always struggled so much in his youth to properly sit down and meditate, because within minutes he felt better than he had in...

A while.

Far too soon he heard the bell tolling in the distance. Lan Xichen stopped playing and Wei Wuxian knew his small respite had come to an end. He brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs, burying his face in the thin fabric of the disciple robes. He didn’t want to go back, but if he waited too long Jiang Cheng would come searching for him again.

Well, not again. Since he died, he hadn’t run off. Jiang Cheng would have no reason to expect him to be a flight risk. He felt a stab of anger - it wasn’t fair that he had to remember it all when everyone else was allowed to live in blissful ignorance. He alone had to bear the burden of the past - of a future no one was aware of yet. Each time he died, the only thing that remained were the silvery scars decorating his honied skin.

“It’s bullshit.” He muttered into his knees, his throat stinging painfully.

“Cursing is prohibited.”

“Second Young Master Lan,” He muttered, not bothering to lift his head. “It must be fate for us to meet in such a way.”

“Uncle was... worried about you.”

“Master Qiren? I thought lying was also prohibited.” Wei Wuxian felt a presence beside him. Even without looking up, he knew Lan Wangji had sat beside him. If he hadn’t been content to wallow in his misery, he might have been shocked that the Second Jade would be willing to sully his beautiful robes for something so mundane.

“Not a lie,” Lan Wangji murmured. “He knows you’re bright, but you’ve never answered in such a way before. He’s concerned about you.”

“Tell the ever benevolent Mast Qiren not to fret about this lowly one,” He felt a prickle of anger behind his eyes but he ignored it. He rubbed his forehead against his robes as if the physical action could erase the thoughts racing through his mind. “Is it against the mighty GusuLan rules to have a bad day?”

“Of course not!” Lan Wangji actually sounded a little affronted by the accusation. Despite his mood, Wei Wuxian found himself chuckling under his breath. The laughter immediately cut off when he recalled the last words he had heard as he died the night before.

“I never should have pushed you away... I-I let you believe I-I h-hated you but-but I never- I could never-”

Wei Wuxian’s shoulders curled into themselves more.

“Why are you here?”

“I... was also worried about you.”

“Why? We’re not friends.”

“I-” He cut himself off. Wei Wuxian heard the other boy taking a steadying breath before trying again. “I apologize, Wei Ying. I have... never been good at communicating with peers. I understood that you were simply... trying to bridge a gap between us but I never knew how to reciprocate... Brother has been quite cross with me the last few days because of it.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Wei Wuxian didn’t know why the confession hurt so badly. All that time trying desperately, fighting tooth and nail to get his beloved Lan Zhan to so much as look at him - only to find out it hadn’t been hated? Lan Zhan had wanted to be his friend too? Something about the realization made his mouth turn bitter.

“I was planning on doing some reading this afternoon,” Lan Wangji said cautiously, as if he were choosing each and every word as carefully as he could. Finally Wei Wuxian found the strength to turn his head just enough to look at the other boy, his cheek squishing against his knee. Lan Wangji wasn’t looking at him - in fact, the other boy was picking at the grass beside him. It was quite... cute, Wei Wuxian realized with a start. “If Wei Ying wouldn’t mind accompanying me, I might have a book you’d be interested in.”

“You know I’m shit at studying.”

“Language,” Lan Wangji scolded half-heartedly. Wei Wuxian could tell he didn’t really mean it and couldn’t stop the small chuckle that slipped past his lips. Lan Wangji’s eyes flicked over to him, a small smile of his own tugging at his mouth. He swallowed and schooled his expression before continuing. “Wei Ying is quite brilliant... but I know he struggles with material he isn’t interested in. I found a book on gardening that might be more in line with your interests.”

“Gardening?” Wei Wuxian perked up a little. “How did you know I liked gardening?”

“You’re always waxing poetics about the flora of the Cloud Recesses,” The other boy admitted. “I’ve overheard you asking Young Master Jiang if he believed it possible to grow gentians at Lotus Pier. I... I tried to find any reference of gentians growing in such humid climates.”

“Did you find any?”

“Not yet,” He sounded remorseful. “But I will keep looking.”

“You don’t have to go to all the trouble,” Wei Wuxian assured him softly. “I... just the fact that you tried in the first place means everything to me.”

“Would you like to accompany me?”

“I suppose,” He sighed. “I don’t have anything else planned for this afternoon.”

“Follow me.” Lan Wangji didn’t seem put off by the lukewarm response.

Wei Wuxian struggled to his feet but Lan Wangji didn’t leave him behind. He waited a few steps ahead, hands folded neatly behind his back. He didn’t watch Wei Wuxian fumble, nor did he comment on how slow the other boy was moving.

He barely registered the walk to the Library Pavillion, it was only when he felt himself being guided to a table that he noticed they had arrived. He carefully dropped to his knees, the pillow softening the blow. The scent of sandalwood wafted through the air and calmed some of the tension in his muscles. Outside the open window, he could faintly hear birds singing along with the various melodies that seemed to radiate from the Cloud Recesses during waking hours. There was always someone practicing music between the hours of five and nine, so despite how calm the atmosphere was, it was never truly quiet.

“This is the book I was telling you about,” Lan Wangji placed the book down on the table before him. “It can be a little tedious of a read if you’re unfamiliar with botanical terms, but I have no doubt Wei Ying will enjoy it.”

“Thank you,” He whispered, placing a hand on the cover of the book but not making any move to open it. “I... appreciate it.”

“If you need anything, let me know,” He sounded so sincere that Wei Wuxian felt his eyes burn. “I can have something brought here if you get hungry.”

“I thought eating in the Library Pavillion was strictly prohibited.” It was a rule he had broken many times in the past. Lan Wangji had been quite cross with him for attempting to sneak snacks into his punishments. He initially wanted to share, but quickly realized Lan Wangji would never partake in such an offer.

“If it could help with your studies, it would be immoral to deny you,” Lan Wangji said stiffly. Before, Wei Wuxian would have assumed it was because he was unhappy with him. Now, he realized it was because Lan Wangji wasn’t sure how to express such an offer without feeling awkward. “You said you had no other plans for this afternoon, correct?”

“Mhm,” He hummed. “I don’t really know what I would have done with my time had you not invited me along, if I’m being honest.”

“I’m glad you accepted my offer.”

Wei Wuxian summoned as much energy as he could to give the other boy a small smile. Lan Wangji returned it before opening his own book. Wei Wuxian turned his attention to the book placed before him. It was thick but the pages looked new.

He settled into his cushion more comfortably and began reading.

Before he knew it, it was dark. He blinked, his eyes burning from the strain. He placed the book down, shocked that he managed to make it more than two thirds of the way through it in a single sitting. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed reading simply for the sake of reading. Books had been a scarce commodity in the Burial Mounds - the closest they had was whatever nonsense Wei Wuxian himself had scribbled down on makeshift paper that they had made from cloth and bandages that were too ruined to mend.

“Wei Ying?”

“It should be curfew soon,” he hummed softly. “I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble.”

“I shall escort you to your room,” Lan Wangji placed a paper marker in the book he had been reading and stood. He slipped the book into his sleeve as he walked towards the door. Once again, he paused to wait for the other boy to catch up and just like before he didn’t watch Wei Wuxian struggle to stand. “Are you hungry?”

“No,” he answered honestly. He hadn’t eaten anything since he had been ripped to shreds - he hadn’t stayed alive long enough to need food as of yet. “Thank you, though.”

“I will speak to Uncle,” Lan Wangji hummed. “Normally eating more than two bowls is against the rules, but we can make exceptions in certain cases. Since you did not eat supper, it shouldn’t be an issue to allow you a little extra at breakfast.”

“Bending the rules for me?” Wei Wuxian chuckled. The night air was crisp and served to wake him up. He hadn’t realized how close to falling asleep he had been. “This one may become spoiled if you keep treating him so well, Second Young Master Lan.”

“Lan Zhan.”

“Hm?”

“You... stopped calling me by my name,” There was a complicated emotion behind his words that made Wei Wuxian’s misstep momentarily. Thankfully he didn’t think Lan Wangji noticed. “I... I hope it wasn’t because of me.”

“I didn’t think it was appropriate,” He answered, maybe a tad too honestly. “You’re the peerless Second Jade and who am I? The son of a servant who never learned his place in the world... what would the cultivation world think if they heard me speaking so informally with you?”

“I don’t mind.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t mind,” He repeated. “Let the cultivation world speak. What they say behind our backs is meaningless unless we allow their words to have power over us.”
Wei Wuxian froze.

“Wh-what?”

“Despite how we try to teach our disciples from talking behind the backs of others, we cannot teach the world to do the same. They’re going to speak as much as they please without any regard to how their words can cause harm. They’re going to speak, but unless we give their words power, they will remain powerless.”

“Ha.... you’re so wise, Lan Zhan.” Tears ran down his cheeks. He let out a shuttering chuckle that caused Lan Zhan to pause. The other boy turned around only to jolt in shock when he saw why Wei Wuxian wasn’t following him anymore.

“Wei Ying?” He hurried back over, hands fluttering around Wei Wuxian for a moment before we calmed himself. He cleared his throat, hiding his hands in his sleeves. “Are... is something wrong?”

“No,” He couldn’t stop crying. Those were words he so desperately needed to hear, only spoken aloud when it was far too late. “I’m fine.”

“Does your head hurt? You were furrowing your brow while reading.”

“My head is fine,” A slight lie. There was a building ache right behind his eyes but he didn’t need anyone to know. “I’m just tired.”

“I see...” Lan Zhan trailed off before nodding. “Let’s continue then. The sooner you’re back to your quarters, the sooner you can rest. If...”

He trailed off again and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but look curiously at the other boy. It wasn’t often that Lan Zhan spoke long sentences, but it was even less often that he cut himself off in such a way. Lan Zhan’s brow furrowed faintly, as if he were battling his own mind over something.

“If?” Wei Wuxian prompted.

“If Wei Ying wished, he could spend the night in the infirmary,” Lan Zhan said carefully, as if testing invisible waters. Wei Wuxian blinked at him, unsure of where he was going with such a train of thought. “Those under the care of our healers are not expected to maintain the usual sleep schedule, as rest is imperative for healing. They are also not expected to follow rules around food intake, for nutrition is also a key factor in the healing process.”

“So if I stayed the night in the infirmary,” Wei Wuxian began. It felt like an old spark - one that he had previously believed to be underwater, never to feel warmth again - relit itself in his chest. “I could eat and sleep as much as I wanted without fear of being punished?”

“It is immoral to punish those who are attempting to heal themselves,” Lan Zhan recited dutifully. The spark Wei Wuxian had felt immediately fizzled out. Oh irony, his dearest, oldest friend. When did that rule go out of fashion? Or was it only Wei Wuxian himself that was exempt from that brief kindness? “You would also be allowed to rest in favor of attending lectures for a short while.”

“Ahaha Lan Zhan,” He couldn’t help but laugh. To his ears, it sounded hollow. “You really are spoiling me now! What would Master Qiren think, if he saw someone like me sullying his precious nephew’s mind and morals?”

“Nothing is being sullied,” Lan Zhan remarked instantly, his tone a little too indigent to be considered reprimanding. “I am simply following my Clan’s code of morals. If you are unwell, I would be failing the teachings of my ancestors by forcing you to do things that would worsen your health.”

“Of course,” He said, his tone only mildly dry. Either Lan Zhan didn’t catch the change in his words, or he didn’t feel the need to remark on it. “This one appreciates it, truly, but I promise I’m okay. A few hours of rest in my own bed will do me wonders.”

“If you’re sure...” Lan Zhan trailed off, uncertainty painting his words.

“I promise,” Wei Wuxian didn’t know what compelled him, but he held up his hand, all his fingers curled down except the smallest one. Lan Zhan simply blinked at him, as if he didn’t understand what he was doing. After a beat, Wei Wuxain realized Lan Zhan genuinely didn’t know what he was implying. “Ah, Lan Zhan! This is a sacred ceremony in Yunmeng. If you complete it while making a promise, you cannot go back on it - no matter what.”

“A ceremony?” Lan Zhan parroted, holding his own hand up in a similar manner. Wei Wuxian found himself grinning as he linked their smallest fingers together. Using his other hand, he twisted Lan Zhan’s hand around so the pads of their thumbs could press firmly together.

“There! The promise has been sealed,” He said triumphantly. Despite the late hour, the lanterns illuminating the paths cast enough light to show how Lan Zhan’s ears had turned an endearing shade of red. “I have no choice but to be better in the morning now.”

“I will hold you to that, then.” Lan Zhan said after a beat. Wei Wuxian saw something in the other’s golden eyes but didn’t have a chance to decode whatever emotions had shone through for just a fraction of a second.

Lan Zhan dropped their entwined hands and turned on his heel, continuing the walk towards the disciple dorms. Wei Wuxian fell into step beside him, his chest feeling lighter than it had in years.

The next few days passed in a similar manner, and it was nice. Wei Wuxian would attend lectures in the morning, and in the afternoons he would accompany Lan Zhan to the Library Pavilion.

He spent his time working through book after book, his smiles coming easier with each passing day.

Jiang Cheng tried to confront him a few times, but he managed to avoid the other boy. It was hard to look at the person who had once been his brother. The person before him was young and full of life, but each time he met those familiar eyes all Wei Wuxian could see was the flames that ate away at their home and the vile hatred that had twisted Sandu-Shengshou’s face as he stabbed his spiritual blade into Wei Wuxian’s chest. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t separate his memories from the current life he was living.

Things were so nice, in fact, that Wei Wuxian lost track of the days. If asked, he wouldn’t have been able to say how many days had passed since Lan Zhan accidentally killed him on the rooftop. His waking hours were filled with lessons and books, his evenings with horrible memories and nightmares that left him gasping for breath.

“Wei Wuxian? Wake up!” A hand shook him harshly. Bolting upright, Wei Wuxian only just barely managed to choke back a blood curdling scream. The sight of the life leaving Granny Wen’s eyes were still burned into his mind, the image so ingrained that he barely registered Jiang Cheng’s worried face before him. The younger boy’s hair was loose around his ears, making him appear even younger than he actually was.

“Wh-” He struggled against the hands on his wrists. If Jiang Cheng was there, it meant he was planning on killing Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian needed to get away or else his own brother was going to take his vile, worthless life-

“You’re okay,” Jiang Cheng murmured, pulling Wei Wuxian into a tight embrace. “It was just a nightmare... you’re okay.”

“A nightmare...” He repeated, collapsing into Jiang Cheng’s arms.

“Do... Do you want to talk about it?”

Wei Wuxian clenched his jaw tightly. He would never willingly divulge the details of the things that woke him in a cold sweat with a scream dying in his throat every night. A small part of him felt bad - he must have been ruining Jiang Cheng’s sleep schedule, the younger boy constantly being woken up by his tossing and turning.

“Fine, don’t tell me,” Jiang Cheng huffed but it was clear he wasn’t actually upset. “But I think you should tell someone... Maybe Lan Wangji? You two have been getting close the last few days. If you can’t talk to me, at least talk to him.”

Wei Wuxian shook his head fervently. Jiang Cheng sighed but didn’t release him from the embrace. Wei Wuxian, in turn, didn’t try to pull away. He didn’t deserve it, but he leaned into the warmth of the embrace.

“Let’s go back to sleep,” Jiang Cheng suggested. “We still have some time before the morning bell tolls. We might as well try to rest while we can.”

“Can...”

“Mhm?”

“Can you stay?”

“Yeah... I can stay.”

A few hours later, Wei Wuxian woke to the tolling of the morning bell. He blinked sleepily, wondering why he was so warm. It was only when the heavy blanket over his waist shifted that he recalled what had happened. Jiang Cheng stirred, grumbling angrily as he rolled out of Wei Wuxian’s bed and shuffled over to where his robes were waiting for him.

“It’s too early for this shit,” He hissed as attempting to comb his hair into submission. “I swear to the gods once I’m sect leader, no disciple will be forced to rise before nine no matter what.”

“That sounds like heaven,” Wei Wuxian mumbled, sitting up and rubbing his stinging eyes. “Wake at nine, breakfast at ten, training wouldn’t start until noon at the earliest.”

“It’ll be my first official decree.”

“Come on, we’re going to be late.” Wei Wuxian yawned wide. If he laid his head back on his pillow for even a single moment he knew he would pass out immediately. Maybe all the sleepless nights had finally started catching up with him. He didn’t know why Jiang Cheng sharing a bed with him allowed him to sleep properly but he wasn’t about to question it when it meant a few hours without nightmares.

Neither boy spoke as they got dressed for the day. Wei Wuxian noticed how lopsided Jiang Cheng’s bun was and sighed, a small smile tugging at his lips. Gesturing for him to come sit, Wei Wuxian undid the haphazard tie and let the other boy’s hair fall down over his shoulders.

In all the years they had been raised together, Jiang Cheng had only allowed Wei Wuxian to do his hair a handful of times. Most of the times were preceded by the younger boy bitching and making up any excuse imaginable to keep his brother from helping, only to eventually give in.

Wei Wuxian’s fingers shook faintly as he scooped Jiang Cheng’s hair up properly, smoothing down any bumps and capturing the loose hairs. With deft fingers, he twisted braids against the side of his head, leading back to where the bun would soon sit. He tied it securely but not too tight, knowing Jiang Cheng was prone to headaches if his hair was pulled back with too much force.

He finished by tying a purple ribbon around the base of the bun. He itched to place the Jiang sect headpiece into Jiang Cheng’s dark locks but he was far too young to be in possession of such an artifact. It would be a few more years before Lotus Pier would burn and Uncle Fengmian would die, leaving his only son nothing more than an ash-covered legacy.

“Now we’re really going to be late,” Jiang Cheng remarked as Wei Wuxian stepped back to admire his work. “Thank you...”

“Of course,” it felt all too natural to make such a promise. “Anything for you.”

“I don’t know what happened but...” Jiang Cheng trailed off for a moment. He shook his head a little before trying again, but he never once looked directly at Wei Wuxian. “You haven’t been yourself recently. I was worried about you.”

“Ah, I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian felt a hairline crack form across his heart. “I didn’t mean-”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jiang Cheng cut him off. “As long as you’re doing better now, it doesn’t matter what happened before.”

“Mhm,” Wei Wuxian smiled softly. “I think things might actually be getting better.”

He thought back to what Lan Xichen had said in regards to the fake story he had invented. The idea that the demon had actually been misunderstood the whole time, and that being sent back in time had been a second chance? It had sounded too good to be true - especially for someone like Wei Wuxian.

But things really did seem to be getting better. He knew war was looming on the horizon, but it seemed he wasn’t fully able to comprehend the situation. He had an eternal escape plan - it wasn’t like he hadn’t pondered the possibility of just... killing himself as soon as things went wrong. If he would always wake up at the same point in time, he could continue to relive his days as a student, carefree and happy, until the Gods themselves came down from the heavens to stop him.

Would he actually do that? Most likely not, but the idea was there.

“Wei-xiong! Jiang-xiong! I saved you a seat!” Nie Huaisang called over to them as they approached the dining hall. Ignoring the glares from the Lan elders at the disruption, they made their way over to their friend.

“Good morning,” Wei Wuxian chuckled as Nie Huaisang slid two bowls over to them. “I was worried we’d be too late to eat.”

“On a normal day you would have,” Nie Huaisang hummed, waving his chopsticks at the other two boys. “But it’s not a normal day! Master Qiren left the mountain for a conference so classes have been cancelled for the next few days! That means we have no schedules until he gets back.”

“Oh...” Wei Wuxian blinked, looking down at his bowl. He supposed the timeline worked - it would be about time for the waterborne abyss to happen. With the days blending together, he hadn’t realized it was time already.

He should have been more vigilant. He didn’t think to try to come up with any sort of plan for he was too focused on simply making it through each day, one hour at a time. Should he have tried harder? Was there more he could have been doing?

Rather than voicing those thoughts, he busied himself with picking out each piece of pork in his bowl and placing it in Jiang Cheng’s as he had every meal they shared since dying the last time.

He never mentioned it, and thankfully neither did Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian had been the first to voice his complaints about the mainly vegetarian diets of the Lan clan, and he had been the first to cheer when he realized the visiting disciples were allowed a slightly more varied palette.

Since he came back, Wei Wuxian found he was unable to stomach even the idea of eating meat. Such luxuries had been unobtainable in the Burial Mounds, the remnants barely getting by on radishes and dense, flavorless bread. On the rare occasion he had been able to hunt a pheasant or a rabbit, the meat went immediately to A-Yuan and those who were weak or sickly.

“What are you going to do on your day off?” Nie Huaisang asked, eyes sharpening as he watched Wei Wuxian dig through his bowl to ensure there were no more pieces of pork hiding out of sight.

“No clue,” Jiang Cheng hummed. His face was carefully schooled, which didn’t escape his dining companions’ attention. It was clear he wanted to say something but he bit it back. “I guess I could do some training. We’ve been focusing so much on academics that I can feel my skill rusting away.”

“Well, have fun with that,” Nie Huaisang scoffed. “I’m taking my painting supplies out to the meadow. I’ve been trying to send my brother sketches of the Cloud Recesses when I can but I haven’t been able to recently.”

“I thought he hated it when you paint instead of studying.” Wei Wuxian remarked.

“We’ve come to an understanding,” Nie Huaisang said cryptically. Wei Wuxian raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. “Either way, I suppose I agree with Jiang-xiong. I can feel my artistic skills beginning to fade away!”

“What about you?” Jiang Cheng asked, nudging Wei Wuxian.

“Maybe I’ll see if Lan Zhan will be going to the Library Pavillion.” He answered with a shrug.

“Again? You’ve been spending all your free time with him,” Nie Huaisang whined, pouting dramatically at him. “What about us? Have you forgotten who your closest, more cherished companions are? Was a pretty face all it took for us to be so callously forsaken?”

“You’re so annoying,” Wei Wuxian chuckled. “Maybe tonight we can do something. If we don’t have classes, they won’t be monitoring the schedules as closely. It’s been a while since we did something stupid.”

“Mark your words!” Nie Huaisang jolted forward, slamming his knee on the table. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the sudden outburst, his eyes falling shut for just a moment before he was able to get himself under control.

“You’re going to get us kicked out,” He grinned at his friend. “We have to wait for at least another month for that.”

He brought a bite of his meal up to his mouth, not noticing how Nie Huaisang’s eye glimmered. He placed the food in his mouth and turned to Jiang Cheng, prepared to say something before he finished chewing only to freeze.

Face paling, Wei Wuxian felt a shiver run down his spine. His teeth ground down on an all too familiar texture that had his stomach instantly revolting. He staggered to his feet, vision swimming as he stumbled away from the table.

He never had a reason to think about it before, during his first life, but now he unfortunately knew intimately how similar pork was to human flesh. Gagging, he fell to his knees.

“Wei Wuxian!”

“Get the head healer!”

“What’s happening?”

Wei Wuxian gagged violently, just as he had the first time. He had been so hungry but despite that his body refused to keep the raw flesh in his stomach. The body had been fresh, barely even bloating. It must have been thrown into the Burial Mounds after he had - the corpse was that of a middle aged man, a nasty gash on his forehead. A brawl gone wrong, he would have assessed had he had been in his right mind.

But all he could focus on was how he could feel his life draining away with each passing second.

He knew he was dying - genuinely dying this time. It had felt like he was dying as he was getting his core cut from his body, but this was different. He knew it was the end for him. There was no way he would be able to survive much longer. If he had his core, he might have been able to last a little longer, but he was weak and defenseless.

The resentful energy of the Burial Mounds had been attacking him at every angle and it had taken every single drop of his concentration just to keep himself from going mad. The few times he slipped up, the resentful energy wormed its way into his mind without hesitation, making him hear and see things that weren’t there.

He hadn’t thought the corpse had been real at first. It had only been after he tripped over it and crashed to the ground, his ruined robes tearing more and the blood from the cuts on his knees and palms instantly soaking into the parched soil, that he realized it was as real as he was.

Wei Wuxian had no blade, so he used a sharp rock to hammer into the corpse’s flesh enough to break the skin and get to the meat below. The man’s blood coated him as he dug into his muscles, his fingers too weak to even pull meat from bone.

He bent down and ripped with his teeth. Like this, he was no better than the starving dogs that had nearly taken his leg as a child. It was so similar to pork that he didn’t register what he was doing at first. It was only when he sat back and saw the carnage that his body revolted.

Wei Wuxian sobbed as he threw up the vile meal. In the back of his head he knew he needed to eat more if he wanted to survive, but in that moment he wondered if it was even worth it. Dying would be a mercy, but he couldn’t die yet. The war was still ravaging the world outside the Burial Mounds. His brother had his core, but he was missing his right hand. Wei Wuxian needed to escape so he could protect Jiang Cheng. So he could take down Wen Rouhan.

So he could make Wen Chao suffer, returning the favor tenfold. For each moment of pain he had inflicted on Wei Wuxian, Wei Wuxian would ensure Wen Chao experienced a year of suffering as repayment.

With those promises racing through his ragged mind, Wei Wuxian bend back down and sunk his teeth into the corpse once more.

He felt the bile hit his hands before he even registered the way his stomach contracted, forcing the food back up his throat. His entire body tensed, another wave of stomach acid and half-chewed food coming back up again. Faintly he could hear people shouting in the background but his ears were ringing too loud to make out what they were saying.

“I-I didn’t know!” Nie Huaisang sounded like he was crying. “I didn’t know he would react like that, honest!”

“Wei Ying,” There was a steady weight on his spine as Wei Wuxian’s body contracted again. This time, there was nothing to spit out. “You’re okay... when you can, take a deep breath.”

“Why would you do that?” Jiang Cheng shouted.

“I didn’t know!” Nie Huaisang cried louder. “He’s getting so thin! I just wanted him to eat a little more!”

“Bring him to the infirmary!” Another voice commanded. Wei Wuxian sobbed as he felt hands on him again.

“I don’t want to go back!” He begged through his tears. He didn’t know who was touching him, but there was only one person it could be. He struggled as much as he could, but Wen Chao’s grip on him was far too strong. Panic began crawling up his throat, so viscus that it overpowered the taste of bile on his tongue.

What more could Wen Chao do to him? How much more torture could his body and mind endure before they shattered too much to be pieced back together again? He writhed and screamed but the hands didn’t leave him.

Before he could free himself, Wei Wuxian lost consciousness.

The first thing he registered when he began to slowly wake was how his mouth tasted of mint, which was odd seeing how he wasn’t the most fond of mint. His Shijie liked to make tea from the leaves when one of her brothers was feeling unwell, and Wei Wuxian liked to joke that he was grateful for his inability to fall ill for that exact reason.

The second thing he noticed was that the sound of music he had grown so familiar with was closer than usual, as if the person was playing right there in the room with him. A moment later, he realized they were.

It seemed impossible to crack an eye open, but when he finally did he was presented with the calming sight of Lan Zhan playing his guqin at the table near the bed Wei Wuxian was lying in.

“Lan Zhan?”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan’s head shot up, his hand instantly stopping the vibrations of the strings. He carefully placed the instrument aside and went over to the bed with more grace than should have been possible for a fifteen year old boy. “How are you feeling?”

“Sore,” He answered honestly. “I hate mint.”

“Apologies.”

“Why are you apologizing?” he chuckled out of habit but there was nothing about the situation that he found amusing.

“I was the one who insisted on cleaning your mouth out,” Lan Zhan looked away. “I... I didn’t want you to wake up with the taste of bile.”

“Ah... in that case, thank you,” Wei Wuxian’s body felt like it was filled with sand, but somehow his mind was heavier. “You were right. Waking up with bile on my tongue wouldn’t have been pleasant.”

“Are you...” He trailed off before clearing his throat. “Is there anything you need?”

“I don’t know,” He whispered, answering both the fully spoken question and the one the other boy couldn’t bring himself to finish. “Jiang Cheng’s probably pissed at me for making a scene, huh?”

“Young Master Jiang has been pacing a hole in our floor,” A woman came bustling in. She was taller than any woman Wei Wuxian had seen, with hair as white as snow despite the distinct lack of wrinkles on her face. She didn’t look elderly, but there was an air of maturity about her that spoke of her years. “I’ve only just managed to shoo him away before the friction of his shoes set the infirmary ablaze.”

Wei Wuxian winced. Even if it hadn’t happened yet, the Cloud Recesses were fated to burn down.

“Give me your hand,” She instructed. Wei Wuxian compiled, allowing the woman to prod at his meridians for a few moments. Apparently she was pleased with what she found, for she nodded approvingly and released his arm. “You should be alright, physically at least. Do you have any idea what could have caused that?”

“I...I spent a few years on the street before Uncle Fengmian found me and brought me to Lotus Pier,” he answered somewhat honestly. He knew he wouldn’t be able to fully lie his way out of this predicament. “I’m still terrified of dogs because of how they’d attack me over scraps. I guess some of those memories came back up because I was reminded of the time I tried eating spoiled meat... I ended up throwing up until I passed out in an alley. I genuinely thought I would die there but some kind washer woman helped me.”

“I see...” There was a profound sadness in her eyes as she looked at him closely. “Do memories like that come up often?”

“No, not really,” it was other memories that haunted him. “I don’t know what caused it this time.”

“Well, if you find yourself in a similar situation, come here immediately,” She ordered him. “It doesn’t matter what time it is. We have someone stationed in the infirmary every hour of the day in case there’s an emergency when the rest of the Cloud Recesses is sleeping.”

“Thank you,” He bowed his head to her, unable to do much else from the bed. “I... if something comes up, I’ll be sure to find my way here.”

“If you wish, you’re more than welcome to stay here as long as you need,” She continued. “As you can see, we’re not exactly experiencing a shortage of beds, and since classes have been cancelled for the next few days, there’s no need to worry about missing anything important.”

“This one thanks you for such a generous offer, but I’d rest better in my own quarters,” He looked away. “I’ve always had trouble sleeping in unfamiliar places.”

“That’s understandable,” She hummed before turning to Lan Zhan. “Could you escort Young Master Wei to his chambers? There’s no need for him to do anything too strenuous anytime soon.”

“Understood,” Lan Zhan bowed to her properly before turning his attention to Wei Wuxian. “Is there anything you need before we return?”

“No... I’m okay,” He didn’t know how to feel about being doted on in such a manner. He wasn’t the type to be given kindness so freely, and it scared him a little. One of the only constant things in his life was having the rug pulled out from under him as soon as he allowed himself to get too comfortable. “I just want to go lay down in my own bed.”

“Of course.” it was clear Lan Zhan wanted to say more but he refrained. He helped Wei Wuxian shrug on his outer robe, turning to give the other boy a little privacy to put himself back together again.

They exited the infirmary in silence, walking close enough that they could touch, should one reach out towards the other, but not so close that their shoulders might risk brushing accidentally.

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng rushed over the second he saw who was coming down the path. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” He sighed, biting back a remark similar to ‘I’d be better if people stopped asking me that’. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“I just-” Jiang Cheng let out a heavy breath before looking at Wei Wuxian, his expression serious as death. “If something like that happens again, don’t push me away. You scared the shit out of me! You looked... scared, but when you saw me I thought you were going to pass out.”

“I don’t really know what happened,” he lied. Lan Zhan made a sound beside him and Wei Wuxian paled. The other boy heard the excuse he gave to the head healer - he knew Wei Wuxian was lying through his teeth. “Let’s just go back to our rooms, yeah? I don’t really feel like doing much else today.”

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng agreed without complaint. “Nie-xiong is beside himself. He swears up and down that he didn’t mean to cause any of that.”

“So he slipped some pork into my bowl?”

“He said you were getting too thin and wanted you to eat more,” Jiang Cheng reported, but something in his tone was just a little too accusatory. “He seemed genuinely freaked out when you started throwing up, so no matter what his real intentions were, they weren’t for... that to happen.”

“I’ll apologize to him for causing him to worry,” Wei Wuxian hummed. “Though I don’t think I’ll be up to spending time with him tonight... I think I might turn in early, actually.”

“That’s fine,” Jiang Cheng said instantly. “I don’t blame you. Honestly, maybe I’ll do the same. Neither of us got much sleep last night.”
Lan Zhan’s eyebrows flew to his bangs as he looked at Wei Wuxian, his silent question weighing heavily in the air.

“Ah, I had a nightmare,” He tried to keep his voice light. “It’s alright though! This break from classes is exactly what I need.”

“Mhm, if you’re sure...” Lan Zhan trailed off for a moment. “If you would like, I was planning on going out to the back mountain tomorrow. There have been reports of something getting into our crops and the sooner we get to the bottom of it, the sooner the cooks will stop complaining.”

“Sounds perfect,” Wei Wuxian’s smile came a little easier. “I’ll-”

“There you are,” A familiar voice called over to them. Lan Xichen approached the three boys. To Wei Wuxian, he looked as calm as ever, but he didn’t miss how Lan Zhan seemed to tense at the appearance of his brother. Something wasn’t right. “Wangji, I’m afraid I need you to come with me. Immediately.”

“Is something wrong?”

“There have been reports of water ghouls in Caiyi town,” He answered grimly. “We’ve dispatched our cultivators to deal with the problem, but something went wrong. Half the group that was sent down returned injured. They only just arrived, but that means we need to act fast to avoid any more casualties.”

“Water ghouls? In Caiyi town?” Jiang Cheng questioned. “But that doesn’t make sense.”

“What do you mean?” Lan Xichen asked.

“Water ghouls are formed from resentful spirits who’ve drowned,” Jiang Cheng frowned more. “But Caiyi is a river based town - if it’s anything like Lotus Pier, you learn to swim before you learn to walk. There’s no way enough people are drowning to cause such a thing.”

“Even more reason to investigate,” Lan Xichen announced gravely. “Wangji, we’ll be departing as soon as everyone is gathered.”

“We can help!” Jiang Cheng offered immediately. “We’ve been dealing with water ghouls since we got our swords.”

“Oh? You’ll be a valuable asset to us then,” Lan Xichen said with a nod. “Gather your things.”

“Wei Ying shouldn’t come,” Lan Zhan murmured. “He was just released from the infirmary. Something like this could cause more harm.”

“The infirmary?” Lan Xichen’s brow pinched. “Are you injured?”

“No,” he looked down at his feet. “I don’t know what happened... I’ll be fine after some rest.”

“We’ll scout out the situation and come back,” Lan Xichen decided. “If you’re feeling up to it, you’re more than welcome to be part of the second group that goes down the mountain. I have a feeling we’re going to need all the help we can get.”

“I can do that,” Wei Wuxian let a silent breath of relief slip past his lips. He was in no condition to face the waterborn abyss, but if they were going to do a quick scouting mission and return, there was a high chance they would notice something was off about the water ghouls without risking any lives. “I apologize for not being more help, but I can offer some advice?”

“Anything would be helpful.”

“Keep an eye on the boats,” Wei Wuxian looked down at his boots. “Water ghouls can cling to the bottom and weigh them down more than they should be... and be careful. Ghouls are tricky - they can bait you into traveling too far from shore in an attempt to drown you. As long as you keep your distance while scouting, you should be fine.”

“Thank you, Young Master Wei,” Lan Xichen smiled warmly, “Those are good points to keep in mind.”

“I wish I could do more-”

“Nonsense,” Lan Xichen hummed softly. “Now go rest. We should return before supper to give a report. Meet us in the main hall when we return to be debriefed on the situation.”

“Of course.” Wei Wuxian gave the older boy a bow.

“Wangji, Young Master Jiang,” He turned his attention to the other two. “Gather your things and meet me by the front gates.”

“Yes!”

“Mhm.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright on your own?” Jiang Cheng asked Wei Wuxian as soon as Lan Xichen began walking away.

“I should be the one asking you that,” He chuckled softly. “Can you handle yourself without me?”

“You-” Jiang Cheng’s face twisted at the jab before the expression fell. “Just rest up, you hear me? We’ll be back in a few hours. I swear if we get back and you’ve done something stupid or strained yourself, I’ll tie you to the bed myself.”

“You’ve made yourself loud and clear, Young Master Jiang,” Wei Wuxian teased. It was strange, interacting with the other boy so casually when only a few days prior it had been near impossible to even look at him. It was as if he kept accidentally sliding into the role of innocent teenager again and again, only for his true personality to drag itself to the forefront of his mind by its jagged, filthy nails. “Now go! Young Master Lan won’t wait on your behalf.”

“Whatever,” Jiang Cheng scoffed. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Mhm, see you soon,” Wei Wuxian waved as the other boy jogged off in the direction of their room. He turned to Lan Zhan, who had yet to take a step. “Aren’t you going as well?”

“I hesitate to leave you alone,” He admitted softly. “What if something happens while I’m away?”

“How could something happen in the Cloud Recesses?” Wei Wuxian nudged the other boy with his elbow. “Besides, I’m planning on taking a nice, rule-breaking nap and waking up just in time for you guys to return.”

“Don’t forget to eat.”

“I’ll do my best,” He promised. “Now go, before your brother has to come looking for you again.”

Lan Zhan hesitated, as if he had something else he wanted to say. Instead, he bowed his head to Wei Wuxian and went down the path opposite of where Jiang Cheng had disappeared, leaving Wei Wuxian alone.

It was nice, walking back to his room without needing to put on airs. While being with Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng brightened his spirits, it was still partially an act he had to play. He couldn’t let anything slip, or act too strangely. He didn’t want to worry them any further because then they would start asking questions and he didn’t know if he would be able to keep all the lies straight.

By the time he made it back to his room, Jiang Cheng had already left. The other boy’s side of the room was messy, indicating he had grabbed his things and rushed out. Wei Wuxian paused to tidy up the smallest bit before sitting at the low table in the center of the room. It was meant for personal studying, though this particular table was used more for card games and peanut shells.

What Nie Huaisang had said earlier stuck with Wei Wuxian. It had been ages since he had drawn anything, and he felt as though his skills had begun to deteriorate. Back in the Burial Mounds, his drawings consisted of plans for talismans and inventions, or silly little doodles to keep A-Yuan occupied drawn with ink made of clay and ash. He didn’t have time for anything else, so it felt a little perverse to set up the beautifully crafted parchment next to the expensive inkstone.

Tucking his sleeve back, Wei Wuxian wondered what he should draw first.

The Cloud Recesses were oddly silent as he made his way towards the main hall. He mentally prepared himself to apologize to Lan Zhan, for he completely forgot to eat supper. As soon as he began drawing, time seemed to fall away from him entirely.

As he climbed the steps to the main hall, he heard a commotion. Dread brushed along the nape of his neck as he quickly changed his course. He rushed towards the front gates, the light from the setting sun glinting brightly off the white of the buildings. The closer he got, the louder the yelling seemed to grow.

Skidding around the final corner, his stomach dropped through the ground. The cultivators who had gone to Caiyi town to investigate were in terrible condition. Not a single robe was free from crimson stains and many were relying on those around them to keep them on their feet. He scanned the crowd for a particular shade of purple.

“Wei Ying!”

“Lan Zhan,” He felt his knees weaken for a moment as Lan Zhan came rushing over to him. While his pristine white robes were torn and muddied, Lan Zhan had the least amount of blood on him compared to the others. He didn’t seem outwardly hurt, which made Wei Wuxian’s ribs ache in relief. “What happened?”

“It wasn’t ghouls,” Lan Zhan’s voice was rough and low, as if he had been crying. He was holding something in his hand, but Wei Wuxian couldn’t see what it was because of his long sleeves. “It’s a waterborne abyss.”

He should have warned them, Wei Wuxian screamed to himself internally. He hadn’t thought it would be an issue! If they went just to observe - not to try to kill the ghouls - they would notice something was wrong and return to the Cloud Recesses immediately! He never thought they would try to take it on headfirst.

“What happened?” Wei Wuxian repeated, an icy numbness beginning to spread through his veins.

“Wei Ying...” Lan Zhan’s voice wavered dangerously. He hesitated before revealing what he had been hiding in his sleeve. “I’m- I’m so sorry-”

Wei Wuxian was no longer listening.

He was staring at the dented silver bell in Lan Zhan’s shaking palm, the purple tassel now stained a sickly, deadly red.

Chapter Text

His hand shook as he reached out to take the bell.

“I-I tried to save him,” Lan Zhan choked out. “But I was... I was too late.”

“What...” Wei Wuxian’s breath was coming in shallow, painful bursts. It felt like his core was imploding in his chest as the red staining the tassel smeared against his skin. “He-he can’t be dead.”

“I’m sorry...”

“No, you don’t understand,” His breathing began to pick up, his vision going spotty around the edges. “He can’t be dead! This-this isn’t how it’s supposed to go!”

“Death comes for us when we least expect it-”

“No!” Wei Wuxian snarled, gripping the clarity bell so tightly that he felt the metal bend even more under his fingers. “You don’t understand! No one was supposed to die yet! The waterborne abyss was the first attack of the war, but no one was supposed to die!”

“Wh-” Lan Zhan took a step back. “War? What are you talking about?”

“No... no, no,” Wei Wuxian muttered to himself, holding the bell close to his chest. It had only been a few hours since Jiang Cheng left. How could things go so wrong in such a short amount of time? “He was supposed to be the one who survives... not me!”

“You’re grieving-”

“Don’t touch me!” Wei Wuxian snarled, eyes flashing crimson. “This-this is all GusuLan’s fault! It was supposed to be a scouting mission... how did you get close enough for him to die!?”

“Young Master Su-”

“Of course,” He felt the resentful energy coursing through him, fighting with his golden core in an entirely unfamiliar way. Just as the second time he awoke, he found it far too easy to gather it around him. Unlike the first time, however, there was far more resentment seeping from the injured cultivators. “I never should have allowed him to live.”

“What are you-” Lan Zhan was cut off by Wei Wuxian snatching Bichen from his hands. It was the greatest taboo, stealing another cultivator’s spiritual weapon, but Wei Wuxian didn’t have even half a mind to care as he cast Bichen’s sheath to the ground, its spotless hilt gripped tightly in his hand.

Su She stood slightly away from the crowd, his arm bloodied and hanging uselessly by his side. He was injured, yes, but he was alive. And it was his fault Jiang Cheng wasn’t. Su She noticed him approaching before he saw the intent so clearly written on his face. He lifted a hand to greet Wei Wuxian only to choke on a mouthful of blood.

“You never should have been born,” Wei Wuxian whispered into the dying boy’s ear, twisting the blade buried deep in his gut. He heard shouts but with a careless throw of his hand, resentful energy was shot at them, knocking the already injured cultivators to the ground. “At every twist and gods forsaken turn, your face is the one that appears to make things worse. The waterborne abyss, the tortoise of slaughter - all you do is cause misery for those around you!”

“Seize him!”

“Murdering a Lan disciple? Even if his brother perished, there’s no excuse for such actions!”

Wei Wuxian felt hands on him but he easily shook them off, their bodies flung across the way and landing heavily on the gravel path. Spinning around, he locked eyes with Lan Zhan, who was staring at him with open horror. He felt a laugh get caught in his throat.

“Bet you didn’t think I was capable of such destruction,” He laughed, shoving Su She’s corpse off Bichen’s blade. “That’s where you’re wrong, Hanguang-Jun. This one is a weapon forged in blood and ash, fed with souls and resentment to grow fat like a tick on the belly of the cultivation world. I am a demon, sent to make you cower and fear!”

“Wei Ying!”

“Everything I did...” He swayed a little in place. No one dared get close to him. “I gave up everything to protect him.... And you let him die! My core, my sanity, my life... all those sacrifices are worthless now! The Cloud Recesses will burn, as will Lotus Pier, and there’s nothing any of us can do about it! The Wens will descend upon the cultivation world like crows on a losing battle field and we’ll be too desecrated to know what’s happening to our corpses!”

With a screech, Wei Wuxian turned Bichen on himself. He stabbed the sword through his stomach before wrenching it upwards, ripping and slicing through his torso until the blade came out at the juncture between his neck and his shoulder.

“There,” he spat out a mouthful of blood, the sticky heat dripping down his chin as it saturated the ground below him. “I did you all a favor~ Don’t forget how Wei Wuxian c-cut down the Yiling Demon before he-he had the chance to save your lives!”

With a final, manic laugh, Wei Wuxian collapsed to the ground.

Dead.

“What is to be done?”

Wei Wuxian didn’t even bother looking at Lan Qiren as he turned on his heel and left the classroom. There was a flash of purple out of the corner of his eye, and it was all he needed to see. He heard the man shouting after him but he couldn’t find it in him to care. He came across the path that would take him to Lan Xichen, who was playing his xiao at the moment.

Instead of going towards the music that could calm the raging inferno in his soul, he continued walking in the direction he had been facing. He didn’t run but he walked as quickly as he could muster towards the Library Pavillion. He knew from his first life that they kept a stock of paper and ink there for anyone to take.

He knew he only had a short while before someone came looking for him, so the moment he had the paper and ink in hand, he sped out of the Library Pavillion. He needed a place where he could be alone - his quarters were out of the question. Jiang Cheng could return at any moment. The Library Pavilion itself was also not an option - Lan Zhan would make his way there sooner rather than later.

He made a beeline for the one place he could think of that was public enough that he wouldn’t get into too much trouble if he was caught but private enough that he could focus on the task at hand.

As expected the Cold Springs were tranquil and serene, not a soul in sight to sully the waters or muck up the air with their noise. Wei Wuxian set up on the shore next to the flat rock that would be good enough as a makeshift desk.

“Okay, so what do I need to prepare for?” He asked himself as he dipped his brush in the ink. “The waterborne abyss comes first. After that is... the Qishan discussion conference where Wen Chao makes a fool of himself which leads to the burning of the Cloud Recesses... then the Re-education and the Tortoise of Slaughter. Then... shit, what’s next?”

His head was beginning to ache something fierce but he couldn’t stop. His memory had always been shit, but he seemed to have blocked out quite a bit which could prove to be deadly. Clearly whatever - or whoever - sent him back in time wanted him to do something about the events of the war. Why else would he keep waking up at the same point? Even if it wasn't explicitly stated, it was pretty obvious what he was meant to do.

Especially after the last time. If him not being present for the Waterborne Abyss was enough for Jiang Cheng to die, he needed to make sure he was there for each and every important event.

He wasn’t going to risk things turning out worse.

“Fuck, then it’s Lotus Pier,” He breathed in horror, his brush hovering over the paper. The ink shone in the lowlight, his list of events growing with each horrific memory he conjured up. The air was chilled and damp, making goosebumps erupt along his skin and his bangs cling to his forehead. “It burns, then Jiang Cheng loses his core... then the surgery. I’m thrown into the Burial Mounds. When I get out we fight the war and eventually win. I rescue the Wens and bring Wen Ning back to life...”

He could feel his heart hammering against his ribs. These memories were clearer. Newer. The trauma of those events were fresher, the wounds still weeping tainted blood onto the ground below him.

“Shijie’s wedding. Jin Ling’s hundred day celebration. Jin Zixuan’s death. Wen Ning and Wen Qing sacrificed themselves... The Battle of Nevernight. Shijie’s death. The siege of the Burial Mounds... My death.”

Looking at the list, it didn’t seem all that impressive at first glance. It barely covered half of the page but it was everything that had ruined the person Wei Wuxian could have been one day. It was a simple list of every event that corrupted his soul and turned him into a tool - a demon used for death and destruction, regardless of his own health or safety.

His hand shook as he began writing again, making notes beside each event.

Waterborne Abyss - dig trench between Caiyi and nearby lake. Chase abyss in and seal it off. Drain smaller lake to kill abyss

Qishan Conference - don’t show off. Don’t touch Lan Zhan’s ribbon. Help Wen Chao? (Would that protect the Cloud Recesses? Or will it burn regardless of how the conference turns out?) Kill

Wen Chao? (would that make everything worse?)

Cloud Recesses - send warning. Evacuate those who can’t fight. Hide books and artifacts far away

Re-education - bring fake swords? Sneak medicine in (make sure Lan Zhan isn’t injured again) keep your head down. Make sure Jiang Cheng is safe. Kill Wen Zhuliu and Wen Chao before anyone can get hurt.

Tortoise of Slaughter - distract it, get the others out quickly. Find the Yin Iron and kill the tortoise. Don’t let anyone know of the iron.

Lotus Pier - evacuate those who can’t fight. Keep Jiang Cheng far away. If Wen Zhuliu is still alive, kill him. Kill Wang Lingjiao. Protect Uncle Fengmian and Madame Yu if possible. Jiang Cheng is priority.

Core Surgery - try to avoid at all costs. Worst case scenario, tell Jiang Cheng? He won’t agree, but we can sedate him. He’ll be angry, but maybe he won’t hate you as much.

Burial Mounds - begin cultivating resentful energy. Hide rations before everything goes to shit? Begin clearing area for Wens?

Wen Rouhan - kill on sight

Wens - find before they’re sent to labor camp. Lie if you must. Their lives take priority. Maybe Jiang Cheng would be able to help, if things are better between you this time? Stock up on rations ahead of time. Don’t let A-Yuan know hunger for even a single night

Wedding - don’t go see her. It’ll hurt, but you only bring destruction with you. She deserves to be happy.

Ceremony - leave Wen Ning behind, no matter what. Sedate him if necessary. Avoid Quingqi Pass at all costs. Better yet, don’t attend at all. Send gift but don’t leave the Burial Mounds for any reason.

Wen Ning and Wen Qing - if everything goes according to plan, they won’t need to sacrifice themselves... but if it goes wrong, make array to trap them? Figure out how to activate array when paralyzed.

Nevernight - don’t go, no matter what. No matter how angry you are, don’t rise to the bait. Make sure Shijie is far, far away. Her life takes priority.

Siege of the Burial Mounds - evacuate Wens. Make show of destroying seal in front of cultivators so they can’t hurt you anymore. Finally die and be at peace?

It was far too simple when put into writing. Looking at the paper, Wei Wuxian felt bile touch the back of his tongue. He knew already that nothing would be that simple, but he had to try. Even if he failed over and over again, he had to try.

His skin itched, feeling dry and stretched too tight over his bones. Setting the paper aside to dry, he stripped out of his robes. For a moment he considered hiding the paper under them, but the ink was still damp and in doing so, he would smudge the writing beyond reading. Folding them neatly, he placed the robes beside the paper and waded into the springs. The water was frigid, but it was welcomed. His fingers and toes instantly went numb, pins and needles making them sting and burn but he took the opportunity to focus on the pain in order to block out his horrid thoughts.

There was no way for him to avoid any of it, was there? No matter how much planning he did, people were going to die. The war would wage and he would lose everything, just as he had the first time. Would it hurt worse this time, knowing he could have prevented it? Or would he be too numb to the agony to even register it?

Wei Wuxian ducked under the water, holding his breath for as long as he could. The icy water burned like fire but he didn’t breach the surface of the springs until his lungs screamed at him. He burst through the springs, gasping ragged breaths as water ran down his face and into his eyes. His hair stuck to his skin, creating a barrier to hold in what little body heat he could maintain.

Looking down at himself, he felt nothing.

Next to the scar by his heart was now a long, jagged line going from his stomach up to his shoulder. Tracing the line with numb fingers, he wondered if this nightmare would ever end, or if he was trapped for all eternity. How many deaths would it take before none of his natural skin remained? How many times would he have to wake up before he was nothing but bone and scar tissue?

“What... what is this?” A voice made Wei Wuxian turn to stone.

“Lan Zhan,” he murmured, his soft words echoing through the springs. “You shouldn’t be here.”

He was an idiot. Even if the Cold Springs were secluded, there was always a chance someone might stumble across him. He should have covered the paper, even if it smudged the ink, but now it was too late.

Or was it?

Turning slowly, Wei Wuxian felt horror. He knew what he would see when he finally faced the other boy, but actually seeing Lan Zhan holding the paper, his hands shaking enough to make the parchment tremble as well, was enough to seize the breath from his lungs.

“Wei Ying-”

“You weren’t supposed to see that,” There was no anger in his tone. No biting edge or animosity, just bone deep exhaustion and anguish. “What am I to do now...?”

“What is this list?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Wei Wuxian said simply as he waded back to shore. Water ran down his skin but the tremors didn’t start until he was completely out of the springs. He went over to his robes and threw the outer robe on, not bothered that it instantly soaked up the water on his bare skin. “Forget what you saw.”

“How could I-” Lan Zhan’s eyes widened. “What happened to you?”

“I died,” he let out a humorless chuckle. If he was to be trapped in this nightmare, at least he could use it to his advantage. If Lan Zhan reacted poorly, he could easily kill himself and wake back up in the classroom. Lan Zhan wouldn’t remember anything, because to him it never happened. “A few times, actually.”

“Joking? At a time like this?” Lan Zhan snapped, his golden eyes flashing angrily. “If someone is hurting you-”

“Just myself,” He scoffed. “You don’t need to involve yourself. I have it handled.”

“Wei Ying! What is this list?” His voice raised, bouncing off the rocks of the springs.

“A to-do list.”

“Be serious.”

“You wouldn’t like me much when I’m serious.”

“Wei Ying!”

“What do you want me to say?” He shouted back, his eyes burning dangerously. He snatched the paper from Lan Zhan’s hand, the parchment wrinkling in his tight grip. “That I’ve already lived all of this? That I’ve watched everyone I love die in front of my eyes, powerless to stop any of it? That I’ve been cursed to relive it all over again, with no way to truly die? Lan Zhan, what do you want from me?”

“You...” Lan Zhan took a step away from Wei Wuxian, his face twisting in minute horror.

“Ahaha... you made the same face last time,” Wei Wuxian mumbled to himself. “It’s of no consequence... if I kill myself again, I’ll wake back up in class and you won’t remember any of this.”

“You can’t-” Lan Zhan darted forward again, grabbing Wei Wuxian’s wrist. “You can’t do something like that!”

“Why not?” He let the vile emotions fermenting in his chest to escape through his words. A bitter smile twisted itself onto his face as he ripped his wrist away. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“What?”

“This was the first time,” Wei Wuxian said, casually pointing to the scar over his heart before trailing his hand up to his throat. “This was the second time.”

“How many...”

“This was the third,” Wei Wuxian pretended he didn’t hear anything. He touched the mark by his right lung. “Though this one wasn’t done by my hand.”

“Then who's?”

“This was the fourth,” He ignored the question. He traced the newest scar, not looking at the other boy. “Bichen tasted my blood twice... isn’t that remarkable?”

“Bichen?” Lan Zhan sounded faint. “Why would Bichen-”

“Ah, the first time I made you stab me,” He explained easily. It didn’t matter if Lan Zhan knew, because as soon as he had the chance Wei Wuxian would kill himself again and restart everything. It was cathartic, in a sense, to talk about everything. He had been holding it all so close to his chest. “I thought if someone else killed me, I would actually stay dead. As it turns out, it was useless! I woke up again anyway...”

“Wei Ying...” Tears were streaming down Lan Zhan’s cheeks.

“When I woke up from that, things were okay for a while,” Wei Wuxian admitted. “We... you invited me to the Library Pavillion. You found a book on gardening and thought of me. For days after that, we had a bit of a tradition. We would attend classes, then go to the Pavillion to read together... but then I got complacent. Your brother needed help with water ghouls, but I knew it wasn’t ghouls. I knew it was the waterborne abyss, but I wasn’t well enough to go... I warned him - don’t get too close, and don’t fall for its tricks. I thought it would be enough to protect everyone. He promised... he swore it would just be a scouting trip to assess the situation. I was going to join you when you went back down to actually deal with the ‘ghouls’... but it was too late. You returned, but Jiang Cheng didn’t.”

Once he began talking, the words seemed to force their way past his lips. They wanted to be heard, no matter the cost. Lan Zhan was staring at him, his body still as stone despite the tears still dripping from his eyes.

“Everything I did in my first life rendered pointless,” Wei Wuxian let out a manic laugh, tugging painfully on the roots of his hair. “He wasn’t supposed to die! He was supposed to be the one who survived everything! I-I had to watch everyone die, but Jiang Cheng was supposed to be the only one who survived... I wasn’t even supposed to survive, but at least he was! But he died because I wasn’t there... This time, when I woke up in the classroom, I immediately left to plan out how I’m going to fix everything.”

“That was this morning?”

“I don’t know how much time has passed,” He admitted. He dropped his hands from his hair in favor of wrapping them around his waist, as if to hold himself together. “Each time I die, I wake up at the same point. I died three times in what? An hour? But was it really an hour? Time reset itself, so how much time actually passed? I don’t know how long it’s been since I was ripped to shreds in the Burial Mounds. The first meal I ate was after the third time I woke up because I never stayed alive long enough to need food before that! I-I don’t know what I’m going to do... How can I prevent a war, Lan Zhan? Even if I’m a weapon, I can’t- I don’t think I can do what I need to do and come out the other side...”

“You don’t have to do this alone.”

“As if you believe me,” He snapped, but the venom was weak and watery. “You probably think I’ve gone mad. You did the first time - rendering me unconscious and dragging me to the healers.”

“I don’t think you’re mad,” Lan Zhan said slowly, as if trying to approach a wounded animal. “I think you’re hurting. We can visit the infirmary and-”

“See!” He shouted, gnashing his teeth. “You think I’m insane! You want to take me to the infirmary so the head healers can see what’s wrong with my mind but I’m the furthest thing from mad right now. I’m far too aware of myself and for the time being, my thoughts are entirely my own.”

“I don’t think you’re insane,” Lan Zhan repeated. “I might have, if you hadn’t mentioned the water ghouls.”

“What?” Wei Wuxian dropped his arms in shock.

“Brother didn’t want anyone to know yet,” Lan Zhan glanced away. “But we’ve been receiving reports from Caiyi town. We were planning on waiting until Uncle returned from the conference before taking action.”

“But it gets too bad to ignore before then,” Wei Wuxian breathed, his mind racing. “Because they were never water ghouls.”

“You say it’s a waterborne abyss?”

“Chased down to Caiyi on Wen Rouhan’s orders. It’s the first attack of the war but no one will realize that for several years.”

“Brother has been anxious about the Wens for a while now,” Lan Zhan admitted. “But speaking such thoughts would be treasonous.”

“In the end, it doesn’t matter,” Wei Wuxian covered his face with his hands. “There’s no way to avoid this future... unless Wen Rouhan and his sons all magically fall ill and perish at the same time, we’re going to have to face their wrath.”

“Wei Ying, let me help you.”

“Why? So you can betray me as soon as I stray from your perfect wide path?” Wei Wuxian snarled at the other boy. “You never understood - no one did! I-I never turned my back on my cultivation because I wanted to...”

“Then... give me a chance to understand this time.”

“I can’t-” He cut himself off before choking back a sob. “I can’t do this again... I can’t let someone get close just to watch them die or live long enough to betray me.”

“I will survive,” Lan Zhan promised. “And I will survive long enough to prove to you that I will never betray you.”

“But you did!” The tears finally broke free. “You did! You hated me! You hunted me down and tried to imprison me here! I-I thought we could be friends, but you couldn’t bear to even look at me with anything but contempt.”

“I don’t know what you experienced before, but I swear on my life I could never look at you with contempt,” Lan Zhan’s voice dropped to a whisper. “No matter what... no matter what happens, or what you’re forced to do, I will never hate you.”

“Don’t say that,” Wei Wuxian snarled weakly. “Don’t-don’t make promises that you won’t be able to keep.”

“I will keep this promise,” Lan Zhan swore. “Even if the world is against us, I will not betray you, Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian fell to his knees, sobbing openly. He tried to wipe the tears away but the moment he did, they were replaced. The tears were scalding on his chilled skin, burning paths of fire down his cheeks. “It h-hurts! I n-never wanted to do-do any of it! I just- I just wanted to die-”

“You’re okay,” Lan Zhan promised, kneeling next to Wei Wuxian and pulling him close, not caring that his own robes were getting soaked in the process. “You’re not alone, Wei Ying. You don’t have to do this on your own...”

Wei Wuxian sobbed, feeling more like a child than he had in years. Grief poured from him so viscous that it clung to his skin and hair. Lan Zhan didn’t mind, holding Wei Wuxian closer. His body heat soaked into Wei Wuxian, calming his trembling.

“You’re freezing,” Lan Zhan murmured once Wei Wuxian’s tears calmed some. “Let’s get you warmed up and we can discuss this list of yours more.”

“I can’t watch them die again,” Wei Wuxian clung to the other boy’s robes. “I can’t do it... they didn’t deserve it and it’s all- it’s all my fault, Lan Zhan. I killed them... I killed them all-”

“Wei Ying is good,” Lan Zhan cut him off. “You’re righteous and kind... whatever you did, you were forced to do. You never wanted to hurt anyone.”

“But I did!” He all but screamed into Lan Zhan’s chest. “I did want to hurt them! I wanted them to-to suffer the way I suffered... I’m a monster! I deserve everything that happened to me!”

“Wei Ying-”

“Maybe...” he trailed off, collapsing his weight entirely into Lan Zhan’s arms. “Maybe that’s why I was sent back.”

“Mhm?”

“So I could die enough times to atone for my sins,” He let out a dry chuckle. “Dying once wasn’t enough to repay all the pain I caused... so I was sent back to die over and over and over again. Maybe if I die enough times I can finally be at peace.”

“You will not be dying anymore,” Lan Zhan said firmly. “I won’t allow it.”

“You wouldn’t even know,” Wei Wuxian muttered, his eyes feeling heavy as stone. “If I die again, everything will go back and you won't remember any of this... it’ll go back to the way it’s supposed to be.”

“You’re not going to die again,” Lan Zhan helped Wei Wuxian to his feet. “Come with me.”

“Where are we going?”

“The Jingshi.”

Wei Wuxian didn’t know where that was but followed nonetheless. He was cold, and physically tired, but also so emotionally drained that he wouldn’t have been able to fight the request even if he wanted to.

Just before they were to step out of the Cold Springs, he felt something warm and heavy be placed around his shoulders.

“Wh-”

“You’ll get sick.” Lan Zhan said simply, as if he hadn’t draped his own outer robes over Wei Wuxian’s frigid body. He began walking again, his head held high and his hands folded behind his back as usual. If it weren’t for the fact that he was - in the eyes of GusuLan - so immodestly dressed, nothing would seem amiss.

Wei Wuxian found himself begging for a miracle. He wasn’t prepared to have this conversation - he didn’t think he would ever be ready, if he was being honest with himself. He hadn’t been planning on giving anyone the details of his haphazard plans, but would it be so wrong? Having someone on his side from the start might be the key to changing things. It had been because he had been abandoned at every turn that everything caught fire.

But that would risk putting Lan Zhan in indescribable danger, though was it really putting him in danger if Wei Wuxian could reset the timeline at any moment?

“Wei Wuxian!”

It seemed the gods had once more listened to his prayers.

“Jiang Cheng,” He half turned to see the other boy running up to them. “Did you eat supper?”

“Did I- is that really what you’re worried about?” Jiang Cheng all but shouted. His face was red, his eyes shining with anger and concern. “You just walked out of Master Qiren’s class without a word and disappeared for the rest of the day and that’s what you’re worried about? We’ve been searching everywhere for you! Why are you soaking wet? You’re going to get sick and then what will you do?”

“Ah... apologies,” He tried to smile but found he couldn’t. “I just... couldn’t bring myself to stay there a moment longer.”

“Wei Ying...” Lan Zhan took his sleeve between his fingers and tugged on it gently.

“You,” Jiang Cheng turned his ire to Lan Zhan. “What did you do to him?”

“What?” Wei Wuxian blinked, leaning back on his heels in shock.

“You vanish for the entire day only to reappear soaking through wearing Lan Wangji’s robes?” Jiang Cheng gestured to his state of dress. “And you’ve been crying! I should run him through for whatever he did to you-”

“Lan Zhan didn’t hurt me,” Wei Wuxian hurried to say. He subconsciously took a step between the two boys. “He... he found me in a delicate state, is all. He helped me.”

“A delicate state?” Jiang Cheng’s brows furrowed more. “What’s.... What’s going on with you?”

“Maybe you should tell him.” Lan Zhan murmured.

“Absolutely not,” Wei Wuxian snapped, whipping his head around to glare at Lan Zhan for even voicing such a suggestion. “How dare you even-”

“Tell me what?”

“Nothing.”

“Clearly it’s not nothing,” Jiang Cheng growled, taking a step closer to his brother. “If it’s bad enough to make you cry in front of Lan Wangji of all people... do you not trust me as much as you trust him? Is that it?”

“Of course not-”

“Then tell me.”

“I can’t!”

“Why not?”

“Because you’ll hate me!” Wei Wuxian shouted, his words echoing slightly. He could hear his blood roaring in his ears but all he could focus on was the look on Jiang Cheng’s face at the desperate admission. “I-I can’t... I don’t think I’ll be able to survive if you hate me again... not so soon...”

“Hate you?” Jiang Cheng sounded choked. “I- sure we don’t get along all the time but hate you? You’re my brother, dammit! I could never hate you-”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” He turned away, pulling Lan Zhan’s robes tighter around his frigid body. “Let’s go, Lan Zhan.”

“Mhm.”

“No!” Jiang Cheng immediately began to follow them. “You can’t just walk away!”

“I can and I will!”

“Absolutely not!”

“Wei Ying, he deserves to know.” Lan Zhan interjected softly. Though he barely spoke above a whisper, Wei Wuxian flinched as though he had been hit.

“He’ll hate me.”

“I don’t believe that’s true.”

“He did the first time,” Wei Wuxian couldn’t meet anyone’s eye. “He’s the one who killed me, after all.”

“I- what?” Jiang Cheng breathed in absolute horror, his face paling in the dying light. It would be dark soon, which meant they only had a few short hours before curfew.

“It doesn’t matter-”

“Clearly it does!” Jiang Cheng darted forward and grabbed Wei Wuxian’s wrist. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but if you explain then-then we could figure something out! Something’s wrong but I’d rather die than let you deal with everything on your own while knowing I could change it!”

“Fine,” Wei Wuxian had no fight left in him. He would explain to Jiang Cheng, and if the younger boy took the information poorly he would simply kill himself. When he woke up again, he would make sure to keep everyone as far away from his heart as possible. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

He knew this would inevitably cause him ruin, but he was too tired to fight anymore.

Chapter Text

The paper was crumped in his fist. He faintly wondered if it was even legible anymore, between the haphazard wrinkles and the dampness from his skin. It was of no real matter - it would be easy enough to rewrite, should he need to.

Easy enough to rewrite if he couldn’t read it, or if he restarted everything.

“Here,” Lan Zhan hummed, handing Wei Wuxian a pile of clean robes. They had entered a small, pristine building far away from all the other living quarters. The area was calm and clear, with trees that showed their age and birds delicately singing from their branches.

Wei Wuxian preemptively moured the trees. It would only be a few years before they were all turned to ash.

“Thank you...” He whispered in response. He took the robes, feeling untethered. His skin felt detached from his frame, as if he were an imposter wearing his own face. Without thinking, he dropped Lan Zhan’s soaked outer robes onto the floor, quickly followed by his own still dripping robes. In just his wet pants, Wei Wuxian briefly realized how rude it was to just drop his drenched clothes onto the door. He changed quickly, but before he could tie the inner robe properly, a voice called out to him.

“What... it happened to you too?” Jiang Cheng asked, eyes fixed on something on Wei Wuxian’s chest, his eyes widening in horror.

“Too?” Lan Zhan questioned, raising a single eyebrow just a hair.

“When I went to change after training, I noticed a scar on my chest that definitely wasn’t there before,” Jiang Cheng muttered, eyes still fixed on the scars on his brother’s tanned skin. “And I’m pretty certain I’d remember if Wei Wuxian had those kinds of marks on him... which means there’s something in the Cloud Recesses that’s been attacking us without us even realizing-”

“Show me.”

“Wh-what?” Jiang Cheng spluttered, shocked at the sudden demand.

“Show me the scar,” Wei Wuxian’s eyes burned with something neither of the other boys could truly name. “Jiang Cheng, show it to me now.”

“Okay, fine!” Jiang Cheng snapped, but it was clear he was uneasy by the reaction. He glanced at Lan Zhan for a moment before untying his robes. He opened them just enough to show a large, pink scar on his side. It was jagged and spanned more than a hand across his side, reaching up towards his lung and around towards his spine. “See? It looks healed, but there’s no way I’d get a wound like this and not remember-”

He was cut off by Wei Wuxian falling heavily to his knees.

“Wei Ying?” Lan Zhan was by his side in an instant.

“It’s- but how?” Wei Wuxian’s voice shook dangerously. He reached a hand out but stopped himself just before he could touch Jiang Cheng’s chest. “No... no, there’s no way-”

“Do you know what this is?” Jiang Cheng demanded, closing his robes.

“It shouldn’t be possible,” Wei Wuxian whispered, more to himself than to the other two who were staring at him with worry. “How... how could it...”

“Spit it out!” Jiang Cheng snapped, the unease palpable in his words.

“You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Try me, asshole.” Jiang Cheng plopped down in front of his brother, crossing his arms and fixing the other boy with a frown.

“It’s... a long story.”

“We have time.”

“Fine...” he knew he couldn’t stall any longer. Sitting back, he crossed his legs and let his fingers fiddle with hems of Lan Zhan’s robes. Despite his chest still being slightly exposed, it was warm in the room. “Just... promise to hear me out before you get mad.”

“I promise.”

“I...” He found he didn’t have the words to explain himself. Instead, he shoved the paper into Jiang Cheng’s hands. The other boy took it and tried to smooth it out, eyebrows furrowing as he took in the familiar, messy handwriting.

Wei Wuxian felt bile burning his throat as Jiang Cheng’s expression went from confused, to shocked, to angry.

“Wei Wuxian... what the fuck is this?” Jiang Cheng whispered, eyes still fixated on the paper.

“A list,” He replied simply. “Of things I need to change.”

“Change?” A hysterical laugh slipped past Jiang Cheng’s lips. “As if you’ve seen it all before or something?”

“Exactly like I’ve seen it all before.”

“That’s- that’s not possible.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Wei Wuxian was exhausted, but he knew no amount of sleep would be able to chip away at it. “But somehow it is possible.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I lived all of this before,” Wei Wuxian finally choked out. “All of this - studying in the Cloud Recesses, but everything that came after, too. The discussion conference in Qishan, the re-education and the Tortise of Slaughter. The burning of Lotus Pier... the war that Wen Rouhan has been plotting for years now. I watched everyone I cared for die, and the world call for my head. I-I tried to do what was right but I was turned into a demon for it. I was forced to be a wepon during the war and before they even finished singing my praises for saving the cultivation world, they began cursing my name. I just wanted to save them... they were innocents, Jiang Cheng! They didn’t hurt anyone! Just because they had the same surname, they were subjected to complete genocide... I gave up everything to save them, but in the end it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”

“Wei Ying...”

“I was torn to shreds - ripped to pieces by unfeeling fingers and dulled teeth,” Wei Wuxian continued, as if he hadn’t heard Lan Zhan. “I thought I would finally be free - that I would finally be allowed to die and never reincarnate into such a cruel world but of course that wasn’t the case. I woke back up in the Cloud Recesses, back in my fifteen year old body... I tried to kill the Yiling Laozu before he had a chance to destroy the world again but-but it didn’t work. I woke up in the Cloud Recesses, hearing Master Qiren ask me the same question again and again and again-”

“How many times?”

“Four.”

“You’re saying you died four times and woke up in class?”

“Well, technically I died five times,” Wei Wuxian admitted softly. “But only the last four left marks.”

“The scars.” It wasn’t a question.

“This was the first,” He felt like he was stuck in another time loop as he pointed to the scar by his heart. He had just showed Lan Zhan all of this, but the other boy looked just as pained, as if he were also hearing it for the first time again. “I used Suibian and stabbed myself as many times as I could but this was the killing blow. This was the second... you dragged me to the infirmary because you thought I had gone mad. I used a knife from the medical table to slit my throat and you sobbed over me as I bled out, trying to stem the bleeding and begging me not to die.”

Jiang Cheng sucked in a sharp breath. Lan Zhan looked faintly green. Wei Wuxian probably shouldn’t have been giving them so many details but he was was angry - at the world, for turning its back on him. At the Gods, for allowing this to happen in the first place. At Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan for making him speak of it at all.

“This was the third,” He continued. “I had snuck out. Lan Zhan caught me trying to sneak back in and drew Bichen. I... I thought that-that if killing myself wasn’t enough, that maybe if I died by the hands of another, I would finally stay dead. He didn’t realize I was unarmed, and I timed it just right. I pretended to slip so that he would stab me. Bichen pierced my lung and I bled out by the wall.”

“Wh-” Lan Zhan genuinely looked as though he might be sick.

“When I woke up after that, things were... okay,” Now Wei Wuxian’s eyes were beginning to sting. “We went to class, and we would read in the Library Pavillion together. I thought... I was stupid enough to think that maybe things would be okay... then you went into town to scout the water ghouls.”

He looked directly at Jiang Cheng and paused. He soaked in the sight of the other boy, as if trying to memorize the angle of his eyes and the scowl on his lips. His gaze dropped a little, to where the edges of the scar were still visible through the younger boy’s open robes, and he honestly couldn’t tell if the sound that slipped past his lips was a laugh or a sob.

“But you didn’t come back,” He admitted, tears finally falling down his cheeks. “You- it was supposed to be a scouting mission... you weren’t supposed to be in danger but-but because I wasn’t there you- you died. That scar... it looks the same as mine, which means that’s...”

“That’s the wound that killed him.” Lan Zhan finished quietly, taking all the warmth from the room.

“That’s- that’s not possible!” Jiang Cheng snapped, but it was clear he didn’t believe the words himself.

“It wasn’t there when you woke up, was it,” He didn’t pose it as a question, because he already knew the answer. Jiang Chang shaking his head only confirmed his assumption. “It only appeared when I stormed out from class this morning.”

“Because that’s when you woke back up again.” Lan Zhan finished, taking Wei Wuxian’s hand in his own. It was scalding against Wei Wuxian’s frigid skin.

“You sound insane.”

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me-”

“But the proof is right here,” He continued with a scowl, gesturing to his own chest. “I don’t know what the fuck you got yourself into, but clearly it can’t be all made up.”

“Wei Ying... what did you mean by ‘saving them’?” Lan Zhan asked.

“After the war... the Wens were hunted to near extiction,” Wei Wuxian closed his eyes, his breathing picking up in rage. “Anyone with the surname ‘Wen’ was considered public enemy number two - right after me, of course. They- they used prisoners of war as targets for practice. They put the remaining Wens into ‘labor camps’ all while conveniently hiding the fact that they were sent there to be slaughtered! Qing-jie... she risked her life to find me, to beg me to save her brother... but by the time I found him, it was too late.”

“Qing-jie?” Jiang Cheng muttered to himself.

“They... those fuckers stabbed a spirit attraction flag through his chest and left him to rot in the field of corpses,” Wei Wuxian could feel the restful energy in him begin to rise, the ends of his hair curling and his eyes burning - not with tears, but in the way that told him the normal silver was now a bloody red. “They claimed only prisoners of war had been sent to the camps, but Wen Ning was never a part of the war! He was a healer! He-he saved our lives! He risked his own to get some sort of memento from Uncle Fengmian and Madam Yu’s corpses before they were shipped off to Qishan and he wasn’t the only innocent there! They claimed they were prisoners of war, so why were there elders there? Why was there a fucking child? So I killed all the so-called cultivators that were running the camp and escaped with the remaining Wens. I was branded a traitor, so I had to hide them someplace no one would be stupid enough to go.”

“Mother and Father’s... corpses?” Jiang Cheng sounded as though he had been punched in the gut.

“The Wens come to Lotus Pier to demand retribution,” Wei Wuxian dropped his head, letting his bangs cover his eyes. “They claimed that I not only humiliated Wen Chao, but committed treason against the Wen Clan, so Wen Chao’s abhorrent whore came to demand payment. Madam Yu whipped with me Zidian until I nearly blacked out, but when that bitch told her to cut off my hand, she didn’t. For years I agonized over it - if she had just done it, would Lotus Pier have been safe? Would she have survived? But no... it was never about retrebution for my treasonous acts. It was all a ruse - they had planned on burning Lotus Pier to the ground from the start to turn it into a supervisonary office.”

“How did they die?”

“I... I don’t know,” He answered regretfully. “Madam Yu used Zidian to tie us up and sent us off on a boat. We saw Uncle Fengmian flying towards Lotus Pier but... but by the time Zidian finally released us and we were able to make our way back they were already dead.”

“Wei Ying... who are the ones who created these labor camps?” Lan Zhan asked, trying to bring the conversation back to the other details he had revealed. Wei Wuxian winced and glanced around, as if worried he would be over heard. Lan Zhan, of course noticed. “No one comes here, and even if they did there are wards that tell me of their approach. If anyone tried to listen, I would know.”

“It was Jin Guangshan,” His face hardened. “He refused to truly pick a side during the war, playing devil’s advocate but we all knew it was because he didn’t believe we could win and didn’t want Wen Rouhan to slaughter his sect for rebellion should it all go wrong. When we did end up winning, he changed his tune fast. He decided because he was the Chief Cultivator, and because his clan had the most funds, that he should be in charge of the remaining Wens.”

“That bastard-” Jiang Cheng swore, slamming a fist onto his thigh.

“It wasn’t just him,” Wei Wuxian added. “The war was ended by one of his bastard sons. Apparently he had gone undercover, acting as Wen Rouhan’s assistant... he tortured his allies to make it convincing, because Wen Rouhan would have killed him in an instant if he doubted his loyalty. In the end, he killed Wen Rouhan at the height of battle and ceased the war. In doing so, he gained the favor of his father. Jin Guangyao was the one who planned the night hunt at Pheonix Mountain, where the Wen prisoners were used as targets.”

“The Jin Clan is rotten to its core,” Jiang Cheng growled. “Is there a single member who isn’t a deplorable piece of shit?”

“The Peacock.”

“Wh-what?” His brother spluttered, eyes widening in shock at the sudden admittance.

“Jin Zixuan,” Wei Wuxian repeated, almost begrudgingly. “He’s a cocky asshole who doesn’t know the definition of the word humble now but... but he changes.”

“As if.” Jiang Cheng scoffed, looking away.

“Once he was married, he seemed to change entirely,” Wei Wuxian didn’t know why he was defending his Shijie’s once-and-future husband. “He became so doting. I... I never got to see him after the wedding, but from what I heard he waited hand and foot on his wife, giving her anything she could want. He learned humility and was determined to be a better father than his was to him.”

“Married? To who?” Jiang Cheng asked. After a beat, his face twisted in realization. “No... there’s no way-”

“His confession was quite the spectacle,” Wei Wuxian recalled, almost fondly. “He shouted at Shijie in front of everyone, confessing that he had been the one to personally invite her to the night hunt because he wanted to see her. He then immediately turned red as an apple and ran away! I would too, if I confessed to my loved one in such a shameless way.”

“You said he was preparing to become a father?” Jiang Cheng’s voice dropped to a whisper.

“A son,” Wei Wuxian’s chest felt like it was being caved in. “Jin Ling. She... she asked me to give him a courtesy name.”

“Well? What did you name him?”

“Rulan,” Wei Wuxian whispered. “Jin Rulan - for him to be as hardy and beautiful as an orchid.”

“Of course you would name our nephew after the Lans.” Jiang Cheng scoffed but his eyes were suspiciously glassy.

“You said the same thing the first time,” Wei Wuxian let out a water chuckle. “It wasn’t my intention...”

Wei Wuxian risked a glance at Lan Zhan and felt his eyes widen at how the other boy’s normally stoic face was a soft pink, his own eyes wide and his mouth parted slightly. Wei Wuxian felt the air get knocked from his lungs at the sight.

“Oh gods above...” Jiang Cheng groaned, dragging a hand down his face. “Hey! Focus on the important things right now! Flirt with him later!”

“Flirting?” Wei Wuxian spluttered, his own neck burning hot. “Jiang Cheng, I think you need to actually talk to someone outside of me and Nie-xiong! Maybe then you’d know what flirting really looks like.”

“Mhm, sure,” The other boy rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Back to this list of yours.”

The mirth from Wei Wuxian’s eyes faded in an instant. He reached out and took the paper back from his brother, scanning the sloppy writing as if he hadn’t been the one to write it in the first place.

“It won’t be this easy.” He hummed.

“Let’s start with the waterborne abyss,” Lan Zhan decided. “You wrote something about chasing it into a smaller body of water?”

“It was a theory I came up with in the Burial Mounds,” Wei Wuxian frowned. “To truly get rid of a waterborne abyss, you have to drain the body of water that it’s in and let the lakebed sit dry for several years. Because Caiyi depends on its waterways to survive, draining the lake it’s currently in would be devastating to the local economy. I came up with the idea of finding a smaller lake that isn’t as important and chasing it into there. We could then block it off so it couldn’t escape back to Caiyi and drain the smaller body of water.”

“That could work,” Lan Zhan furrowed his brow in thought. “There are many smaller lakes around Caiyi. It would take quite a bit of labor to dig a trench large enough for the abyss to travel through, but it would save many lives in the long run. I will bring this up to my brother as soon as I can.”

“Wait, back up,” Jiang Cheng put a hand up. He stared at Wei Wuxian, as if silently challenging him. “The Burial Mounds?”

“Ah...” Wei Wuxian curled his shoulders in slightly. “Yes, the Burial Mounds. Like I said... I betrayed the cultivation world. I had to bring the Wens somewhere that no one would try to enter.”

“How did you enter in the first place?” The other boy asked - or rather, demanded. “The resentful energy there is so thick not even the strongest of cultivators can enter unharmed! It’s so saturated that nothing can grow around it, let alone inside! How could you possibly hide normal people there?”

“After Lotus Pier was burned, I...” He hesitated. “A lot of things happened and Wen Chao caught me. He beat me within an inch of my life and threw me in the Burial Mounds, assuming I would die instantly. But of course I wouldn’t die so easily - especially not at his dirty hands!”

“How did you survive?”

“I did things I’m not proud of,” He admitted, looking away. The memory of the corpse he ate flashed through his mind. Even if they were taking the information well so far, he wasn’t about to risk telling them about the lengths he had to go to in order to survive. “But I couldn’t allow myself to die. I needed to escape and join the war efforts. During my time there, I learned to, for lack of a better word, control the resentful energy there. It didn’t quite answer my commands - not without a fight - but I was able to control it enough to do what needed to be done. It took three months, but by the time I finally made it out I was... unrecognizable.”

“How could you control the resentful energy?” Jiang Cheng frowned harder. “Your core wouldn’t have allowed that much corrupted Yin energy to enter your body-”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan murmured, and for the first time in a long while Wei Wuxian felt dread at the sound of his name coming from the other boy’s lips. Lan Zhan’s brow was furrowed, his eyes trained on the paper in Wei Wuxian’s hand. He tried to hide the paper, but it was futile. Lan Zhan’s eyes flashed when he figured it out. “What happened to your core?”

“Ahaha Lan Zhan, wh-what are you talking about?” Wei Wuxian couldn’t help the anxious laugh from escaping.

“Your list,” The other boy’s brow furrowed more. “You mentioned some sort of core surgery.”

“You said you should tell me about it, whatever it is.” Jiang Cheng added. Wei Wuxian curled in on himself more, as if making himself smaller could protect him.

“I shouldn’t have written that,” He groaned to himself, tugging on his bangs. The faint pain felt fitting - a punishment for his own carelessness. Before he could pull harder, there were other hands tugging his away. Looking up, he saw Lan Zhan holding his hands carefully, the other boy’s golden eyes shining with concern. “I...”

“At this point, you can’t really keep any secrets,” Jiang Cheng pointed out. Despite his angry tone, it was clear he was trying to be sincere. “If we’re going to fix... whatever the fuck happened - happens - we need to know as much as possible.”

“After Lotus Pier burns, Jiang Cheng loses his core,” Wei Wuxian felt physical pain in his chest as he spoke. Jiang Cheng sucked in a sharp breath, his face suddenly pale as the robes they wore. “I... find a way to restore it.”

“How?”

“Wen Rouhan has a right hand man that’s far too loyal,” Wei Wuxian said. “Wen Zhuliu, the Core Melting Hand. He has a unique ability to literally melt the golden core from a cultivator’s chest, destroying their meridians in the process. He’s dangerous because there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do on Wen Rouhan’s orders, which is why we need to take him out as soon as possible.”

“You know that’s not what he was asking,” Lan Zhan murmured, making Wei Wuxian pale. “How did you restore his core?”

“I brought him to the mountain of Baoshan Sanren,” his voice shook. To distract himself a little, he picked at his bottom lip as he spoke. “I told him that... that she would be able to restore it. I blindfolded him and told him no matter what happened, he couldn’t remove it until his core was restored. I promised him that-that I would meet him at the Inn at the foot of the mountain when he was done, but I never got to meet him. Wen Chao found he before we could reunite.”

“You’re a shit liar.” Jiang Cheng huffed after a moment of silence.

“It’s not a lie.”

“Maybe not technically, but it’s not the truth,” The other boy narrowed his eyes. “You think you’re so suave, but I know you better than you think. When you’re lying, you fuck with your mouth.”

Wei Wuxian’s hand immediately dropped from his lip as if it had been burned.

“Wei Ying... please trust us,” Lan Zhan pleaded, once again taking Wei Wuxian’s hands in his own. “We believe you. We want to help you... you said you didn’t want to let anyone get close because they all betrayed you in the end, but we’re not going to do that. Maybe in your first life we did, but in this life we’re going to stand by your side no matter what. You just have to trust us.”

“Lan Zhan...” Wei Wuxian barked out a sob, taking his hands back to scrub the tears from his eyes to no avail. After a few moments of trying to get himself under control again, he inhaled as much as his lungs would allow and slowly let the air out. “Okay... okay, I’ll trust you.”

“Thank you.” Lan Zhan offered him a rare, genuine smile and some of the fear gnawing at Wei Wuxian’s heart seemed to ease.

“After Jiang Cheng loses his core, Wen Ning convinces Qing-jie to hide us from Wen Chao,” Wei Wuxian closed his eyes, unable to bring himself to look at either of their faces. He knew Jiang Cheng was about to be furious, but he didn’t know if he could handle whatever expression Lan Zhan would make when he learned the truth. “She... she had a half-baked theory on a-a core transfer surgery.”

“What?” Lan Zhan sounded faint.

“She refused, at first,” He continued, gripping his robes tightly. “But I wore her down... if I did nothing, I would lose Jiang Cheng too, and he needed to take revenge for his family - for his home. He couldn’t die.”

“My family? My home?” Jiang Cheng spat. “Were you not raised there too? Were you not trained there the same as me? When did you stop seeing it as your home?”

“When I defected from the Jiang sect,” Wei Wuxian answered honestly. “No... before that. When Lotus Pier burned and I had to watch everyone I grew up with be slaughtered, unable to save a single person... I haven’t seen Lotus Pier as home in years.”

“You...” Jiang Cheng sounded as though he was about to swear at him but thought better of it. He took a calming breath. “Continue.”

“Qing-jie refused, because the odds of success were only fifty percent,” Wei Wuxian felt the air drop a few degrees but neither boy spoke over him. “I lied to Jiang Cheng and told him I was taking him to the mountain to meet Baoshan Sanren, but when he reached the mountain peak Qing-jie knocked him unconscious. I met them there and she... well, we learned quickly that she couldn’t use any sedatives if we wanted it to have even a chance of success. For two nights and one day I had to stay awake as she cut the core from my chest. It was worse than torture, but I couldn’t allow myself to pass out from the pain. Wen Ning had to change the rag between my teeth dozens of times because I was screaming loud enough to cough up blood... in the end, it worked. Two nights and a day I suffered, but the core was accepted into Jiang Cheng in mere moments.”

Wei Wuxian felt a shudder go through his body as he recalled one of the worst times of his life - not because of the pain, but because he had been terrified of it not working - of the surgery failing and him losing his life or worse, Jiang Cheng losing his. The pain had become secondary to those fears a few hours into the surgery.

“She told me Jiang Cheng would awaken in a hour and patched me up as best as she could. They both tried to convince me to stay and recover, but I was determined to meet Jiang Cheng at the inn like I promised so I left the mountain. I could barely keep myself upright, and the gaping hole where my core had been left me frozen, but I hiked back down to town... before I could make it, Wen Chao found me.”

“No-”

“Him and his goons beat me. Honestly, I still don’t know how I survived. Maybe I was just that spiteful, but I didn’t want him to be the one to kill me,” Wei Wuxian’s lip curled into a snear. “They dragged me onto a sword and flew me out to the Burial Mounds. He had been so smug as he kicked me down. I genuinely thought I would die there... I almost did, but I managed to survive by the skin of my teeth. The first thing I did when I finally left was get new robes. The second was slaughter every single Wen stationed at the supervisory office.”

“You... you said you saved the Wens though...” Jiang Cheng sounded so young. It made Wei Wuxian’s heart rip itself in two.

“After the war,” He clarified. “The Wens I saved... they were healers, and elders. They were sickly... they weren’t soldiers, or cultivators. They had no blood on their hands. When I first left the Burial Mounds, however... the only thing keeping air in my lungs was the knowledge that I was returning tenfold the pain the Wens had gifted me. Because I no longer had my core, I had to adapt - I invented my own path of cultivation using resentful energy. I could command corpses and call forth ghosts to do my bidding with just a bamboo dizi I had carved with my own two hands. The Wen soldiers... I made them see their worse nightmares. They killed themselves to escape the torment, but at the time it didn’t feel like enough. After everything they had done... they deserved far more pain.”

“You gave up everything...” Lan Zhan murmured in horror. “And we... we turned our backs on you? Why?”

“Because no one understood,” Wei Wuxian answered. “I didn’t tell a single soul about my core. No one even knew about Jiang Cheng’s core, because it had been replaced before he had really joined the war efforts. I... Suibian had sealed itself, so it was pointless to carry it. You got so mad at me, Jiang Cheng... said I was a disgrace for not carrying my sword. That I was embarrassing YunmengJiang by being so shameless.”

“I...”

“But I didn’t need Suibian to bring our enemies to their knees,” A dangerous smile lifted the corners of his mouth. “Just my dizi... before I died, I heard whispers that merchants stopped selling dizis altogether because everyone was terrified of the sound. I did what I was told to do, killed who I was told to kill. I was a weapon forged in ash and blood, wielded by those who would soon betray me to end the life of a far greater threat. Once the war ended, everyone seemed to realize how dangerous I really was. They tried to demand Jiang Cheng turn me in, to imprison me... Lan Zhan, you were always at the forefront, demanding I return to Gusu with you so I could be locked away.”

“That... that doesn’t sound like something I would do,” Lan Zhan quietly defended himself. “Maybe to protect you, but never to imprison you.”

“War changes everyone... the you now would never, but Hanguang-Jun most certainly would,” Wei Wuxian let his head tilt to the side. Dull, steely eyes stared at the wall above Jiang Cheng’s shoulder, unseeing. “When I went to the labor camp and freed the Wens, it was the final piece of proof that everyone needed to call for my head. We escaped, but barely... I brought them to the Burial Mounds for two reasons - one, because no one would dare enter, and two, because at least I knew I would be able to keep the corpses and resentful energy at bay.”

“Wei Ying...”

“You know? We actually managed to build a life there,” His eyes turned up in a sad smile. “Granny would cook for us, not that we had a lot to eat. We managed to grow the most pathetic radishes you’ve ever seen in your life but we were so excited to have grown anything. I tried to hunt, when I had the energy, but the meat always went to A-Yuan first. I was practically a skeleton so moving at all was hard but I was the only one able to take care of him. Granny and the Uncles were too old, and Wen Ning was too afraid of hurting him.”

“A-Yuan?” Jiang Cheng asked hesitantly. He recognzied the name from the list.

“My little Raddish,” Wei Wuxian laughed as fresh tears rained down his cheeks. “He was so small... we tried out best, but we could never keep his little belly full. I gave him as much of my food as I could but it still wasn’t enough. He would-would cry at night because his stomach hurt from hunger... No three year old should have gaunt cheeks. They should have been-been r-round and pink but he-he was so-so thin and-and pale and-”

“Wei Ying did his best,” Lan Zhan pulled Wei Wuxian into his chest, letting him sob into his robes. “I’m sure the Wens knew that.”

“I failed them!” His screams were muffled by the fabric. “I let them be slaughtered because I wasn’t strong enough! And my little Radish... my little A-Yuan, my baby - I tried to save him but-but it was useless in the end because I couldn’t save any of them...”

“You can save them now,” Lan Zhan’s voice rumbled through Wei Wuxian’s chest. It was only then that he realized Lan Zhan had been running a hand along his spine as he cried. “We will change the future. We will save them, Wei Ying.”

“A-Yuan hasn’t even been born yet,” He let out a watery chuckle. “It’s so strange to think about... Wen Ning is still alive. Granny and the Uncles... they’re all alive.

“How-how did they die?” Jiang Cheng sounded as though he regretted the question the second it was spoken.

“The four remaining sects banded together with some smaller clans and staged a siege of the Burial Mounds,” Wei Wuxian slumped entirely in Lan Zhan’s arms. “They... they broke the protective barriers I had put in place and stormed in, cutting down everyone in their path. They only had one objective - Kill the Yiling Laozu, no matter the cost. The nightmare I had the other night? It was of Granny being stabbed through the chest.”

“What nightmare?”

“Oh...” Wei Wuxian froze. “That must have happened before, then...”

“Before you died, you mean.”

“Mhm...” Wei Wuxian curled in on himself. “Gods... this is all so fucked up!”

“Language.” Lan Zhan scolded without thinking. It was so similar to how he had half-heartedly scolded Wei Wuxian before inviting him to come to the Library Pavillion with him that Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but bark out a laugh.

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” He shook his head, his face still buried in the other boy’s robes. “Please never change...”

“You must be exhausted, but we need to keep discussing your list,” Lan Zhan sounded so genuinely remorseful that Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but chuckle again. “Once we’re done you can rest here. I’ll make something up to tell Uncle in the morning.”

“You’d be willing to lie to your Uncle for me? Lan Zhan, you’re already being corrupted by the Yiling Laozu!”

“I will copy the appropriate rules,” Lan Zhan swore. “After we change our fate.”

“I feel like I should be taking notes...” Jiang Cheng grumbled to himself and Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but muse how insane the whole situation was. Not only did they believe him, they wanted to help him. They didn’t hate him - they listened to all the horrible things he had done and still trusted him.

“After the Conference in Qishan, Wen Rouhan demands each sect to send their heir for a re-education program,” Wei Wuxian begins with a frown. “As soon as we get there, they confiscate our swords or threaten to melt our cores...”

Wei Wuxian stared at the ceiling. It was dark, only the light from the moon shining through the window illuminatign the room enough for him to see faint details. Lan Zhan was sleeping soundly in the bed beside him, flat on his back with his hands folded across his chest. The sound of Jiang Cheng light snores directly beside him were methodical enough to make his eyes a little heavier.

He could never express it, but he had been so eternally grateful that Jiang Cheng demanded he be allowed to stay the night. Lan Zhan put up no fight, pulling out a large spare mat for them to sleep on. He could faintly feel his brother’s body heat from under the borrowed blanket and yearned to move closer. He was so cold despite the room being quite warm.

“You’re thinking too much,” Jiang Cheng’s slurred voice made Wei Wuxian flinch. “How are you still awake after all that?”

“I’m worried I’ll have another nightmare,” He admitted with a whisper. Jiang Cheng hummed before shifting. Suddenly, Wei Wuxian found arms wrapping around him. “Jiang Cheng?”

“Go to sleep,” The other boy yawned, all but burying his face in Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “If you have a nightmare... I’ll be here to scare it away.”
Wei Wuxian’s eyes stung.

“If you see a dog, I’ll scare it away for you!”

Jiang Cheng had been so young when he made that vow. Wei Wuxian had almost forgotten it entirely. To Jiang Cheng, it had been nearly a decade ago. To Wei Wuxian, it had been almost two.

More than a lifetime ago.

“Mhm,” He hummed, finally letting his eyes close. “Thank you.”

“Shut up and go to sleep,” Jiang Cheng muttered. After a few moments of silence, he shifted again. “I should be the one saying thanks.”

“For what?”

“For trusting me,” Jiang Cheng hid his face more. “When I failed you so miserably last time.”

“That wasn’t you.”

“But it would have been, if you hadn’t said anything,” He argued. His arms around Wei Wuxian tightened a smidge. “So thanks, for trusting me... and for giving me a second chance.”

“Go to sleep.”

“Hey.”

“Mhm?”

“Will you ever tell me why you won’t eat meat anymore?”

“Maybe one day.”

“More of your cryptic bullshit... didn’t we move past that?”

“Shut up.”

Wei Wuxian chuckled softly, not wanting to disturb Lan Zhan. When Jiang Cheng said nothing more, Wei Wuxian finally allowed himself to rest.

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian couldn’t see anything, but he knew he was no longer in the spare bed in Lan Zhan’s home. For one, he could no longer feel his brother’s warmth beside him. Secondly, there were several voices all talking over one another. There was a faint breeze, but it felt muted somehow.

“Attention everyone!” A voice called out. “I managed to-”

“This is just so cruel,” Another voice interrupted. “Isn’t there more we can do?”

“It has to be done,” A third voice said gruffly. “We invested far too much into this kid for it to turn out like that.”

“But something like this is inhumane!” The second voice protested.

“Excuse me?” The first voice tried to interject only to once again be spoken over.

“Like I said,” The third voice growled. “We invested too much time and interest for things to end like that! He was destined for immortality and unless you forgot - we’re the ones who pushed for him! If he doesn’t ascend, we’re the ones who will get the fall for this!”

“EXCUSE ME!” The first voice shouted. Suddenly, everything was silent. The voice cleared their throat, their voice strained. “As I was trying to say... I managed to bring his consciousness into the telepathic communication array...”

Silence.

“WHAT!?” Several voices screamed at once. Wei Wuxian winced at the sudden cacophony. He felt like he should say something, but before he could think of what words he should use, he felt himself being jostled.

“Wake up!”

“Wh-” Wei Wuxian spluttered as he sat up, his hair falling haphazardly in his face. He could feel drool drying on his chin and his eyes stung from sleep. Jiang Cheng’s face slowly came into focus as he furiously blinked away the blurriness.

“You were grumbling in your sleep,” Jiang Cheng huffed as he threw clean robes at his face. “Get dressed or we’re going to be late.”

“Are these my robes?” He muttered sleepily.

“Yes, and it was a pain in my ass to sneak back to our quarters to get them without being seen so you better be grateful,” Jiang Cheng snapped but there was no actual venom behind his words. Wei Wuxian grinned brightly as he rolled off the spare mat and began stripping out of the robes Lan Zhan had lent him. Speaking of Lan Zhan... He glanced around but didn’t see the missing member of their trio. “Lan Wangji went to speak to his brother, if that’s what you were wondering.”

“I was wondering, actually,” Wei Wuxian stuck his tongue out a little.

“You’re such a child,” The other boy rolled his eyes before frowning. “Hey...”

“I never like it when you use that tone of voice.” Wei Wuxian said playfully, trying to hide how the sudden somberness of his brother’s voice made his chest collapse in on itself.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Jiang Cheng growled, surging forward to grab Wei Wuxian in a headlock. Half undressed, Wei Wuxian didn’t exactly try his hardest to escape. As kids, they would rough house quite a bit, though they had grown out of it before the war.

“Nothing! What’s on your mind, oh kind and benevolent young master?”

“You-” He narrowed his eyes before sighing and dropping the head lock. He took a step away and crossed his arms, the stance more defensive than annoyed. “Why did I do all those things to you?”

“Because you were hurting,” Wei Wuxian replied honestly. “And because you were scared. You were barely an adult shoved into a leadership position no one expected you to take for another decade at least. You were sent to the frontlines of a losing battle and had to listen to the whispers of your allies... you had nothing, so you clung to your reputation and your physical strength.

As long as you had those, you could face their judgements and their stares... so when your own morals came into question, of course you got defensive. I don’t blame you - it’s not like I did much better when my cultivation was challenged. If anything, you handled it better than I did.”

“I just... I know we don’t always get along but knowing I went that far... it doesn’t seem real,” Jiang Cheng’s jaw tensed for a moment. “But it was real - to you, at least. I haven’t done any of that yet, but to you it’s already happened.”

“We’re going to change the future and you won’t ever have to be put in that position again,” Wei Wuxian promised. “I’m going to protect everyone this time.”

“Do you think...”

“Hm?”

“That things would have been different if I had known about the core transfer?”

“I...” Wei Wuxian blinked. “I don’t know... you probably would have tried to beat the shit out of me for sure but past that I have no idea. Maybe you would have been understanding, or maybe you would have felt even more betrayed...”

“It pisses me off that I can’t fully deny it either,” Jiang Cheng hung his head. “Given your explanation, I can see why I would react like that. As much as it pains me, I am my mother’s son. Try as I might to escape her, I have her temper and her inability to forgive... I’ve attempted time and time again to overcome it, but I understand who I am as a person. At my core, I’m the person who betrayed you. Who killed you.”

“If it’s any comfort, you didn’t technically kill me.”

“You said I did,” Jiang Cheng looked away. “Yesterday. You said I killed you...”

“I did,” Wei Wuxian winced. “It wasn’t entirely true.”

“You did a fantastic job of talking around your death,” Jiang Cheng pointed out. “You told us of the deaths after you woke back up here but not... your first death.”

“There’s a reason I left out certain details,” He admitted. “They’re just too painful to recall.”

“So... I didn’t kill you?”

“Not physically.”

“What does that even mean?”

“You stabbed me just as I was preparing to destroy the seal,” He knew Jiang Cheng wouldn’t let this go, and it was easier to explain it now than wait for the other boy to corner him later down the line. “It was the broken seal releasing the pure resentful energy that turned the corpses on me, which was what ended my life but... the moment you stabbed me, I felt something inside of me die. Maybe it was the last fragment of hope that things could get better... but even now I’m not entirely sure. I just know I felt something break inside me when Sandu cut through me.”

“I’m sorry...”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Wei Wuxian denied. The ‘yet’ tacked onto the end of the sentence went unspoken yet was heard loud and clear. Jiang Cheng curled in on himself, unable to meet his brother’s eye.

“We-we should get to the dining hall,” he choked out after a moment. “We’re going to miss breakfast.”

Wei Wuxian had nothing to say. He hurried to get ready, tying his robes securely and throwing his hair up in a haphazard ponytail. It still felt strange to wear it up. As the Yiling Laozu, he had been too physically weak to lift his arms long enough to tie his hair up so he left it down around his shoulders. It had been a pain to untangle, but it ended up being a good opportunity for Wen Ning to practice relearning his motor skills again. It helped that Wei Wuxian barely felt the pain of the tugging because of the numbness in his chest.

“There you two are!” Nie Huaisang hissed as they slipped into the dining hall. There were two bowls set out for them - one with what looked like two helpings of meat and another as vegetarian as the ones the Lans ate. “What’s going on with you? Where did you go last night? Master Qiren is gonna flip when he learns you snuck out of the dorms!”

“We were with Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian assured him. “We’re not going to get in trouble.”

“Lan-xiong?” Nie Huaisang’s eyes widened. He flicked open his fan and stared at Wei Wuxian over the paper, narrowing his eyes. “What business did you have with the Second Jade?”

“Nothing of concern,” Wei Wuxian lied smoothly. “We were...”

“Studying,” A familiar voice filled in the rest of the excuse. Lan Zhan sat beside Wei Wuxian, his movements fluid and graceful even so early in the morning. He ignored the way the disciples instantly fell silent, their soft morning chatter overridden by the shocked stares now being sent his way. Lan Zhan never dined with the disciples - it was a well known fact that the Second Jade took his meals alone in his room. To see him mingling with the other students? It was sure to be the talk of the visiting disciples for the next few days. “Wei Ying requested extra aid with the materials. Though it was wrong of us to stay up past curfew, I did not wish for him to walk back to his quarters so late. I invited him to stay the night so that he would get a healthy amount of sleep.”

“I see...” Nie Huaisang hummed, fluttering his fan a little. He eyed Lan Zhan before turning his gaze to Wei Wuxian.

“I’m going to have to apologize to Master Qiren,” Wei Wuxian sighed sadly. “He’s going to be beside himself that I stormed out yesterday...”

“I will speak with Uncle-”

“Ah, you spoil me, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian chuckled warmly. He didn’t miss the way Nie Huaisang’s eyes widened before darting between them. “But this one must face the consequences of his actions.”

Though it was said as a joke, it was obvious how Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng both tensed at the sentiment. Wei Wuxian sighed, wondering if this was how they were going to react to all the off-colored jokes that came from his lips.

He had developed quite the morbid sense of humor over the course of the war. He had managed to reign it in while in the Cloud Recesses because he had been hyper aware of keeping his past lives a carefully guarded secret. Now that Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan were aware of his situation, he worried the less savory jokes that caused Qing-jie to smack him upside the head and lecture him for hours would be perceived the same way with the two boys now glancing at him from the corners of their eyes.

“This one will go first,” Wei Wuxian said as he stood. “I’ll see you in class!”

“Wei Ying-”

“Ah, Lan Zhan,” He offered the other boy a small smile. “I’ll be okay.”

“Mhm...” Lan Zhan didn’t look convinced. Wei Wuxian made his smile a little more genuine before leaving his half-finished breakfast behind.

The walk to the classroom was peaceful. It gave him a chance to completely overthink everything, as he was prone to doing. He didn’t want to talk to Lan Qiren, but he knew if there was any way they would have even a fraction of a chance of surviving the waterborne abyss, it would be if Master Qiren looked favorably on their plan.
Which wouldn’t happen if he was silently plotting Wei Wuxian’s downfall.

“Excuse me?” He called softly, poking his head into the classroom. Lan Qiren was sitting at the table at the head of the room, marking what appeared to be an essay. The older man sighed before putting his brush down and looking up. Wei Wuxian shrunk a little when he saw the calm expression on the man’s face twist minutely at the sight of him.

“Wei Wuxian,” He sighed again, heavier this time. “To what do I owe the honor of you coming to class so early?”

“I... I wanted to apologize for yesterday,” Wei Wuxian took a step into the classroom. He didn’t miss how Lan Qiren’s eyebrows raised a hair. “It was rude of me to run out like that... this one will accept any punishment to atone for his misdeeds.”

“Wei Wuxian, you are one of the most troublesome students I have ever come across,” The man hummed as he stood. Wei Wuxian, in turn, curled in on himself a little more. “Though it was a little strange for you to leave so suddenly. It made me wonder if something more is going on.”

“Um...” Wei Wuxian paled a little.

“You seemed troubled,” Lan Qiren looked a little upset that he noticed at all. “Is something the matter?”

“If... if someone has to do something horrid for the sake of others, does that make them a horrid person?” He didn’t know what compelled him to ask but he found himself wondering what the man’s response would be. Maybe if he could convince Lan Qiren that he wasn’t a heartless, moraless demon early on, they could have a better chance at surviving.

“Why are you thinking such morbid things?” Lan Qiren asked back, stroking his beard. When Wei Wuxian didn’t respond, the man hummed. “I suppose it would depend on the circumstances.”

“If... if someone were to... maybe...”

“Speak with purpose, Wei Wuxian.”

“If someone were to lose their core, and were forced to use resentful energy to survive, would that make them irredeemable?” He choked out, trying to keep his voice from shaking as much as his hands were.

“Again with this! Wei Wuxian, you are-” Lan Qiren began to shout, whipping his head around to admonish the student only to freeze. Wei Wuxian was trembling, holding his arms around his body as if it would keep him in one piece. Tears were threatening to fall from dull, dead eyes.

This was not the student that had made such blasphemous claims with a grin just to see Lan Qiren spit up blood. No, this was a child who was scared. A child who was battling something in his own mind and had come to his teacher for help.

Was someone threatening him? Was Wei Wuxian in danger?

“I suppose I would need more context,” He fought to keep his voice level. As much as the boy irritated him beyond comprehension, Lan Qiren was aware that he was just that - a boy. A child of fifteen who hadn’t had the easiest upbringing. A child of fifteen who might have been one of the most brilliant minds to ever cross his desk. “In this hypothetical of yours... How does this person lose their core? Why do they turn to resentful energy rather than simply living as a civilian? Are there outside forces at play?”

“I heard that Sect Leader Wen has a subordinate that can melt a cultivator’s core from their chest, damaging their meridians permanently,” Wei Wuxian kept his eyes fixed on the ground but he heard the way Lan Qiren’s robes shifted as the man froze in place. “I... I don’t know, I suppose it made me think... if your core was to be melted, you would most likely be hurt physically as well, right? And if you were hurt, and vulnerable, wouldn’t that be the perfect opportunity for resentful energy to invade? And if that’s the case... if you would be able to fight against the resentful energy and somehow harness it in place of your spiritual energy... would that inherently make you evil?”

“I didn’t realize knowledge of Wen Zhuliu had become so widespread,” Lan Qiren muttered. “Especially to one as young as you.”

“And-and if something were to happen where this person needed to use the resentful energy to protect the ones they love,” Wei Wuxian continued, as if he hadn’t heard the man’s comment. “Would they still be irredeemable? Using such a horrid path for a righteous purpose?”

“Wei Wuxian... are you being threatened by someone?” Lan Qiren finally asked. He watched the boy’s body language closely, knowing signs of abuse could be so miniscule that even a trained eye could miss them. He didn’t need to focus that hard, however, for Wei Wuxain’s reaction to the question was clear as day.

He tensed, his head flying up and his eyes widening in horror. The boy paled, his trembling getting more violent as he took a step back, as if he were afraid Lan Qiren would strike him where he stood.

“Master Qiren-” His voice shook.

“If you are in danger-”

“It’s-it’s not like that,” He looked away. “This one was just... wondering.”

“I see...” He stroked his beard again, looking at Wei Wuxian closely. Though he had just seen the boy in class the day before, he wasn’t blind. He had seen the sudden change in his student as he was answering the questions sent at him at rapid fire. He had been so casual in answering, as if the knowledge was second nature. He had an easygoing smile on his face despite his mostly proper posture.

But then Wei Wuxian had tensed, his eyes losing their shine and mirth almost instantly, as if he had witnessed a great tragedy right there in the classroom. Lan Qiren had been infuriated at first, thinking it was just another stunt, only to be stunned when the boy turned on his heel and bolted from the room without another word, leaving his sword behind.

It had troubled him for the rest of the day. He had asked about Wei Wuxian’s whereabouts periodically and was only more troubled when he learned the boy failed to attend training or any of his other classes. He sent Wangji to search, knowing Wei Wuxian had an unfortunate liking for his nephew. He thought if anyone would be able to draw the troublesome student from his hiding, it would be Wangji.

But then Wangji disappeared as well. No one saw the second young master around the Cloud Recesses after that. Furthermore, Young Master Jiang hadn’t gone to dinner that night either. It could have all been coincidence, but Lan Qiren couldn’t quell the unease in his stomach.

Now Wei Wuxian was standing before him once more, only he was no longer the boy Lan Qiren had come to know. This boy was scared, and broken down. He was a shell of the cultivator who had so easily made Lan Qiren’s qi spike.

“In this specific case, I suppose using resentful energy for a righteous and benevolent reason would not be the most condemnable course of action,” He said carefully. “If this person was forced to resort to drastic measures to protect others, the purpose and outcome of the actions justify the means.”

“You think?” Wei Wuxian let out a watery chuckle, but it was so cold and broken that it made the hairs on the nape of Lan Qiren’s neck stand on end. “But what if no one knew of their purpose? What if they just saw this person turning their back on the wide, sunny path to go down a single planked bridge?”

“Then most would have no choice but to think the obvious about them,” He admitted. “In such a case, if the person doesn’t defend themselves, the general public will of course assume the worst. Unfortunately that is how society tends to be. In the Cloud Recesses, we try to teach our disciples not to gossip or talk behind others backs. We try to encourage them to not make assumptions baselessly, and to hear the whole story before casting judgement... but those lessons are hard enough to ensure here, within our borders. For the rest of the world to abide as well? It would be impossible.”

“What an unwinnable situation,” Wei Wuxian put his hands over his face. “I...”

“Wei Wuxian, be honest with me,” Lan Qiren frowned. He went over to the boy and placed a hand on his arm, frowning harder when Wei Wuxian flinched. “If someone is threatening you, or causing you harm-”

“Th-that’s not it!” His head flew up. “I swear-”

“Your neck,” Lan Qiren let out a horrified breath. “Who...”

“Nothing!” Wei Wuxian pulled away, covering the scar across his throat. “Nothing happened.”

“If someone is hurting you, we can expel them,” Lan Qiren swore. “If you need medical attention-”

“Please...” Wei Wuxian interrupted. For a moment, Lan Qiren felt a surge of hope that the boy was about to ask for help only for that hope to immediately be extinguished. “Please don’t do anything. No one’s... no one’s hurting me.”

“You don’t have to suffer alone-”

Before he could finish, the other students began filing into the classroom. Lan Qiren bit back a scowl. Even if Wei Wuxian got on his nerves, he was still a student studying under GusuLan - if he was being abused within the Cloud Recesses, he would stop at nothing to ensure his pupil’s safety.

Wei Wuxian used the sudden distraction to slip away from his teacher. He quietly went over to his table and sat down, not looking up from the wooden top when his brother arrived to sit beside him.

“What happened?” Jiang Cheng hissed in concern. “You look like you were about to cry. Did he say something to you?”

Wei Wuxian just shook his head. He shot Jiang Cheng a look that said ‘later’ and the younger boy dropped the subject. Lan Qiren began his lecture, shooting glances at the silent Wei Wuxian all the while. Not once did the boy speak up, even when prompted. He simply sat and stared at the paper on his table, not bothering to take notes.

“Now, if we were to-” Lan Qiren was cut off by the door to the classroom opening.

“Uncle, I apologize for interrupting,” Lan Xichen bowed his head. “I have something... extremely urgent to speak to you about.”

“Xichen? What could possibly be so dire that-” Lan Qiren cut himself off when he saw the look on his eldest nephew’s face. “I see... class is dismissed. Use the remaining time to look over the rest of the chapter. There will be a test tomorrow on what we learned.”

There were some grumbles about having to study but otherwise the students seemed elated that they were being let out early. As they filed out, no one paid attention to the way Lan Xichen was standing awkwardly by the door.

“Is everything alright?” Wei Wuxian found himself asking as they made their way out of the classroom.

“Of course, Young Master Wei,” Lan Xichen said with a warm smile. “I simply need to discuss something with my Uncle.”

“Wei Ying, shall we go to the library?” Lan Zhan appeared by his side.

“We need to finish... studying,” Jiang Cheng said hesitantly, popping up on his brother’s other side. “What we were studying last night.”

“Oh... oh!” Wei Wuxian blinked, having nearly forgotten the excuse Lan Zhan had given Nie Huaisang that morning. “Of course... have a good day.”

He bowed to Lan Xichen and Lan Qiren before hurrying out of the classroom.

“What happened?” Jiang Cheng demanded as soon as they were in the safety of the Library Pavillion. “You said you were just going to apologize so why did it look like Master Qiren was about to bite someone’s head off?”

“I did apologize,” Wei Wuxian sighed as he slumped a little on his cushion. The Library Pavillion was just as tranquil as he remembered it from his last life, with soft light filtering in through the windows and a gentle breeze carrying the scent of sandalwood through the air. Even though he hadn’t experienced any of this in this life, the familiar atmosphere made him relax a fraction. “I also asked him... well, if someone who did horrid things for the sake of protecting others was a horrid person.”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said softly, his tone only slightly scolding. “You are not a horrid person for the things you were forced to do. Even the things you believe you did of your own free will - From what you told us, it sounds as though you were under the influence of the seal and the resentful energy. You - the you that you are at your core - would never do those things.”

“What did he say?” Jiang Cheng asked, frowning at how his brother seemed to shrink in on himself at Lan Zhan’s words.

“That, depending on the circumstances, the person would be just in their actions if it was for a good, righteous cause,” He whispered. “But that if no one knew why they did such things, they would be persecuted.”

“Even more evidence that keeping secrets from us will end in disaster,” His brother said with a nod. “If you tell us things, we can help you. Defend you, if you need it.”

“It’s just... I’m so overwhelmed,” Wei Wuxian admitted, letting his forehead rest on the top of the table. “This is so much...”

“But you’re not alone this time,” Lan Zhan promised, placing a comforting hand on the top of Wei Wuxian’s head. “You don’t have to do this on your own.”

“Ha... you know, last time you wouldn’t even touch me to save my life,” Wei Wuxian chuckled softly. He felt the hand on the top of his head retreat and felt a sting of longing for it to come back. “After the waterborne abyss... I had gotten sucked down into it and you dragged me out of the water by the collar of my robes. You wouldn’t even hold me properly because you said... you didn’t touch strangers. Funny, isn’t it? How we were just strangers then but we’re so close now.”

“Close...”

“Ah, if you’re about to say we’re not close than spare this one’s fragile heart,” Wei Wuxian let out a tired chuckle. “I can’t-”

“Of course we’re close,” Lan Zhan frowned, as if he couldn’t understand the words he was hearing. “Wei Ying... would I allow you to sleep in my home if we weren’t close? Share my robes? Plan a future together?”

“D-don’t say it like that!” Wei Wuxian flushed. He knew what Lan Zhan meant - plan a future where everyone lives. A future that is changed.

“Gods you two make me sick,” Jiang Cheng pretended to retch. “To think your flirting has been successfully returned... I guess you always did attempt the impossible.”

“Stop saying we’re flirting!” Wei Wuxian scoffed, not noticing how Lan Zhan deflated a little. “Lan Zhan wouldn’t be silly enough to humor me with such things... besides, we need to focus on more important matters.”

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan looked away. “I spoke to Brother this morning. I can only assume that’s what he wished to speak to Uncle about just now.”

“What did you say to him?” Wei Wuxian asked, having been wondering what tale the other boy must have woven to inform his brother enough to make a change without giving them away entirely.

“I told him I came across the concept of a waterborne abyss in my personal studies,” Lan Zhan said easily. “And that it made me think about the water ghoul situation that we’ve been trying to subtly look into recently. I also told him how I was speaking to you and Young Master Jiang - you invited me to visit Lotus Pier one day, telling me about the lakes there. It came up organically, how you two would hunt for water ghouls as children, and how those ghouls acted don’t align with the reports we have been receiving.”

“Who knew Lan Zhan was so skilled at lying,” Wei Wuxian gasped in awe. “I know it’s not the truth but even I find myself believing you!”

“Lying is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses,” Lan Zhan hummed, a faint smirk tugging at his mouth. “But one must know how to spin a tale in order to mediate between others. If I had gone to my brother and told him the absolute truth he would have written me off. Being able to twist my words just enough allows me to make progress in places where honesty would have caused ruin.”

“Ah, so smart!” Wei Wuxian praised the other boy, his own neck burning when he noticed the way Lan Zhan’s ears turned an endearing shade of pink. Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened when Lan Zhan met his gaze, gold meeting silver. In that moment, Wei Wuxian felt something he hadn’t experienced in years - a feeling of safety, and devotion. Lan Zhan’s eyes promised to never leave him behind or betray him, and somehow Wei Wuxian found himself believing it.

“So what now?” Jiang Cheng interjected, scowling at the prolonged eye contact the other two seemed to be stuck in.

“I... don’t know,” Wei Wuxian admitted. “We’re not supposed to go down to Caiyi for almost two weeks. I suppose we can bide our time? We can make contingency plans for all the events we need to change.”

“But what if-” Jiang Cheng was cut off by the sound of rustling. Wei Wuxian jumped to his feet, hand reaching for the door. Before anyone could blink, he dragged someone into the room and slammed them against the wall.

“Who sent you?” Wei Wuxian growled, his eyes casting a bloody hue on the person’s pale face. “Speak, damn you! I can make you regret ever being born you son of a-”

“Wei-xiong! It’s just me!” The person cried, trying to pry Wei Wuxian’s hand from the collar of their robes.

“Nie-xiong?” Wei Wuxian blinked, letting the resentful energy calm. He released Nie Huaisang, allowing the smaller boy to slide to the floor. He shook, trying to fan himself to hide his fear.

“What the fuck were you doing skulking around the Library Pavillion like some sort of cockroach?” Jiang Cheng snapped, standing and going to stand next to Wei Wuxian. “You’re lucky he didn’t kill you outright!”

“I don’t know!” He continued to cry, fat tears running down his cheeks. “I heard your voices and came over and-and-and I don’t know!”

“What did you hear?” Wei Wuxian demanded. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Lan Zhan or Jiang Cheng - he told them of his past, but they had yet to see what kind of person he had once become. Even if it was a watered down version of it, his sudden flare of violence must have been hard to stomach.

“Um...a waterborne abyss in Caiyi? And something about changing events or something?” He had started to calm down but his breathing was still heavy. “I don’t know what that means though!”

“What you’re going to do now,” Wei Wuxian said in a low, menacing voice. He crouched and grabbed Nie Huaisang by the bangs, forcing the smaller boy to look at him. He wasn’t using enough force to hurt him, but Nie Huaisang’s eyes widened in fear nonetheless. “Is leave the Library Pavillion. You didn’t hear anything, understood? You were never here.”

“Maybe he should know.” Lan Zhan murmured, not making any move to stop Wei Wuxian from intimidating their soft hearted classmate.

“It’s dangerous enough for you two to know,” Wei Wuxian rebuked the idea, his eyes not leaving Nie Huaisang’s face as he dropped the other boy’s bangs. “Add another and the danger only increases.”

“His brother causes you great grief after the war,” Lan Zhan continued. “He’s the one who called for the Wens to be exterminated the loudest. If we get Young Master Nie to agree with our plans, he might be able to speak to Sect Leader Nie. It’s our best chance to change things outside of our own influence.”

“I hate to say it, but he’s right,” Jiang Cheng sighed. “Sect Leader Nie is a force to be reckoned with but his brother is the only one he’ll really listen to. If Nie-xiong can talk some sense into him, we might have a better chance.”

“I’m not sure exactly what’s going on but I can help!” Nie Huaisang chirped. “Dage is temperamental at the best of times but it seems I’m the best at calming him down! Plus I’ve started...”

He trailed off, hiding his face behind his fan. The other three looked at him oddly, wondering if they should try to prompt him to continue or let the silence carry on. After a beat, Nie Huaisang cleared his throat and looked aside.

“I wasn’t planning on telling anyone this, but if it helps you trust me...” He hummed, closing his fan and tapping it gently to his chin. “It’s still in the works, of course. It’ll take a few more years before it’s set and running smoothly, but I’ve started building a network of eyes that report back to me. Dage was so angry when he found out but I explained my plan and he seemed to come around. If you need help with espionage, I think I could help.”

“Really?” Wei Wuxian blinked, the animosity fading from his eyes.

“Really!” Nie Huaisang seemed to perk up. “In the last year or so attempts on Dage’s life have increased so I chose a few of my most trusted men to keep an eye out on those coming and going from the Unclean Realm. We caught a few assassins, but we also uncovered cases of perjury and theft occurring right under our noses! Because of this, I’ve started to increase the number of men I have watching things for me.”

“Hmm....” Wei Wuxian hummed, deep in thought. Nie Huaisang having an army of informants could be a valuable asset. It could give them insight on the Wen’s movements during the war and help them weed out traitors among their own ranks. It would also allow them the opportunity to communicate undetected when they’re inevitably separated. He didn’t want to end up away from Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng, but he had a feeling it would happen regardless of their careful planning.

“Wei-xiong, let me help.” Nie Huaisang said, tone serious. Wei Wuxian blinked at him, never having heard such a voice come from the smaller boy, before nodding.

“Alright,” he relented. “It’s a bit of a long story, so pay attention.”

“And listen to everything before making any judgements,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “It’s going to sound absolutely bat-shit insane, but he’s telling the truth.”

“I see...” Nie Huaisang murmured, opening his fan again. His gaze flitted between the three boys before him, his eyes serious and calculating. After a beat, he stood and sat beside Jiang Cheng at the table. “Start from the beginning then.”

“Where do I even start?” Wei Wuxian asked himself as he followed suit, going to sit beside Lan Zhan. “I’ve been trapped in some sort of time loop that resets every time I die....”

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian walked with Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan. Nie Huaisang had broken off from their group to speak with someone, keeping the identity of said person a secret. Classes had been abruptly cancelled for the day, and they tried to ignore the elders and senior disciples rushing around. He knew what they were panicking about - the so called water ghouls have been exposed for what it really is, and the Cloud Recesses were panicking. It was clear they were trying to keep it a secret, not wanting to worry the younger disciples and the visiting students, but Lans are forbidden to lie, which makes keeping secrets hard.

“Wangji, it’s time.” Lan Xichen said grimly as he approached his brother.

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan hummed, his mouth thinning. He glanced at Wei Wuxian and nodded. “Are you prepared?”

“As much as I could be.” He nodded.

“It’s far too dangerous-” Lan Xichen tried to say, only to be cut off.

“Wei Ying and Young Master Jiang have more practical experience with water spirits than anyone here,” Lan Zhan interjected. Lan Xichen’s eyes widened a fraction at the blatant disregard for the GusuaLan rules but after a beat nodded in agreement. “They are already aware of the situation. Their presence may be the difference between life and death.”

“I see...” Lan Xichen trailed off before closing his eyes and sighing. “Alright, Young Master Jiang, Young Master Wei - we’re preparing to leave immediately. Wangji will bring you to the back gate.”

“Understood.” Wei Wuxian saluted and bowed.

“We’ll meet back up with you soon.” Jiang Cheng swore, doing the same. Lan Xichen nodded his head before hesitating. He locked eyes with his brother, seemingly having a silent conversation before nodding again,

Lan Xichen turned on his heel and left. Wei Wuxian dropped his salute and glanced at Lan Zhan, who was still frowning. Placing a hand on his arm, Wei Wuxian offered him a small smile.

“It’ll be okay,” He promised. “We’re ready for this.”

“I can’t help but worry.” He admitted.

“We’re aware that these are no ordinary water ghouls,” Jiang Cheng said. “We’re not going into this blind.”

“He’s right,” Wei Wuxian nodded. “We have the upperhand this time. And we’re not going to fight it - we’re just going to scout. We need to determine how large the abyss really is. Nie-xiong’s intel has already come in handy.”

“It’s almost scary how quickly he got that information,” Jiang Cheng frowned, crossing his arms. “Less than a single night and he already has four different lakes we could potentially use to chase the abyss into.”

“How he gathered the information doesn’t matter,” Lan Zhan placed a hand over the one still on his arm. Wei Wuxian’s neck burned at how warm Lan Zhan’s palm was over his fingers. “What matters is that we have it, and that we’re going to fix the future.”

“Y-yeah...” The burn on the back of his neck burned hotter. He heard Jiang Cheng scoff but he couldn’t look away from the intense emotion in Lan Zhan’s eyes. It seemed the other boy was in a similar state, unable to look away from Wei Wuxian. The world seemed to fall away around them as he unconsciously took a step closer to Lan Zhan, his fingers twisting in the other boy’s robes gently.

“Let’s go!” Jiang Cheng snapped, grabbing the back of Wei Wuxian’s robes and dragging him away. “We don’t have time to waste.”

“Right, right,” he spluttered, unable to meet Lan Zhan’s eye now that the moment had been broken. “Let’s go then.”

“Just ignore him.” Lan Zhan murmured as they flew down to Caiyi. Wei Wuxian flinched a little, dragging his eyes away from where Su She was flying off to the side. He couldn’t fight back the urge to take out the threat, but the rational side of his mind reminded him that Su She hadn’t actually done anything wrong yet.

“He’s...” He trailed off, frustration leaking into his voice. Lan Zhan hummed in understanding.

“He’s the reason Young Master Jiang died before,” He agreed. “And the reason things went wrong on other occasions as well. Now, however, he’s innocent.”

“I know that,” Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but snap a little. “He still pisses me off.”

Lan Zhan didn’t respond, but Wei Wuxian had a feeling he agreed. As Caiyi came into view, the trepidation in his gut seemed to triple. From a distance, nothing seemed amiss, the market bustling and the water sparkling in the early afternoon sun. Despite this, Wei Wuxian was more than familiar with the danger lurking in the shadows.

“Remember,” Lan Xichen addressed the cultivators as they gathered on a dock. “This is a scouting mission. Reports told us to expect water ghouls, but counter information leads us to believe it’s something more. Be vigilant, and take care of those around you.”

“Yes!” The crowd agreed before turning their attention towards the lake.

Wei Wuxian did the same, a frown growing on his lips. To the naked eye, the lake seemed beautiful and calm, but he could spot the differences. Normally the lake was busy with merchant fisher boats mixed with civilians traveling from one side of town to the other. Now, however, there were barely any vessels in the water at all. The ones that were afloat stuck as close to the shore as they could, the people manning them looking uneasy.

“Wangji.” Lan Xichen murmured, eyes flitting from something in the water to his brother’s face.

“Mhm.” Lan Zhan hummed in understanding. Drawing Bichen, he sent the blade shooting into the water. A moment later, it came soaring back. A scrap of fabric was caught on the edge but nothing else came up.

“We’re going to board the boats,” Lan Xichen announced. “Stay in groups and whatever you do, do not enter the water. Stay close to the shoreline. If anyone senses resentful energy or danger, warn the others and retreat. We are not looking for casualties today. Am I understood?”

“Yes!” Another cry went up.

“Your brother can be scary when he wants to be.” Wei Wuxian whispered as he, Lan Zhan, and Jiang Cheng boarded a boat together. A moment later, a fourth person joined them. Wei Wuxian eyes them warily but the man just smiled and flashed them a token that hung from his belt - Nie Huiasang had warned them that his spies all had special tokens to identify them. Wei Wuxian relaxed a fraction.

“Brother is kind by nature, but he is a born leader,” Lan Zhan murmured. “He takes his duties and the lives under his care very seriously.”

“I see...” Wei Wuxian nodded thoughtfully. He recalled the time when Lan Xichen went missing after the burning of the Cloud Recesses. Although he barely showed it, he could tell Lan Zhan was distraught over it. When Lan Xichen suddenly reappeared during the war with mysterious, accurate intel, Wei Wuxian thought it odd that no one really put up much of a fight - it made sense, though, if the older cultivators knew this side of Lan Xichen.

“Young Master...” The man tapped Wei Wuxian’s shoulder.

“Hm?”

“We’re drifting.”

Wei Wuxian’s stomach dropped. He and Jiang Cheng had been using their own spiritual energy to steer the boat, but it seemed neither of them noticed the nose of the vessel beginning to point in the wrong direction.

“Shit!”

“It’s not listening to us.” Jiang Cheng growled, a flash of spiritual qi hitting the boat, only for there to be no change in the angle they were moving. Wei Wuxian glanced behind him only to realize the man was gone.

“Something’s luring us out!” Wei Wuxian shouted to the nearby boats. The other cultivators froze, their heads whipping up to look in the direction they were being led. “Retreat! Get back to shore-”

Before he could finish, the boat was hit by something. He was thrown off balance, only barely managing to catch himself on the edge of the boat. He looked up and saw the others were in a similar condition.

“This is bad.” He paled as the boat lurched again. He gripped Suibian, once again wishing he had Chenqing as well. Unfortunately, he learned from one of the loops that not any bamboo would do - it had to be the bamboo from the Burial Mounds specifically.

“What are you doing!?” A voice screamed. Wei Wuxian didn’t even have to look to know what had happened but he turned his head regardless.

“But-but Wangji-xiong was able to-” Su She stuttered, staring into the lake where his own spiritual weapon had disappeared.

“You think you’re on the same level as the Second Jade? Are you an idiot?” The other person continued to shout at him.

“It doesn’t matter,” Wei Wuxian shouted back. “Retreat! Now!”

Before anyone could respond, the water seemed to grow unnaturally still. Wei Wuxian nearly collapsed as a wave of resentful energy slammed into him, singeing his meridians. The water began thrashing as dozens of inky black limbs rose from the depths, instantly attacking the nearest boats.

“It’s the abyss!”

“Run!”

“Don’t let it touch you!”

Wei Wuxian growled as he drew Subain and flew into the air. He was high up enough that the abyss didn’t seem able to reach him, but he was one of the lucky ones. Several people were already caught in its limbs, screaming and trying to escape only to be slammed into the surface of the lake. The abyss dropped them, letting their bodies sink to the bottom. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw familiar white robes and felt a flare of panic.

Only it wasn’t Lan Zhan, but Su She in the grips of the abyss. Wei Wuxian froze. The right thing to do would be to save him, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. The image of the bloody, dented clarity bell still haunted him, and it was all Su She’s fault.

“Wei Ying!” Lan Zhan cried out. Whipping his head around, Wei Wuxian only noticed the abyss reaching for him a moment too late. He panicked, trying to fly higher, but the abyss was faster. It gripped Suibian’s blade, knocking him off. His stomach twisted as he free fell towards the water. He braced himself for impact only to feel something warm wrap around his waist.

“Lan Zhan!” He cried when he realized who had caught him. Lan Zhan had one arm wrapped around his waist, his other hand holding onto Suibian’s hilt. His mouth was slanted in a tight line, his brow furrowed. He handed Wei Wuxian the sword and began helping him right himself.

“We need to get to shore-” His golden eyes widened in horror. Time seemed to stand still as Wei Wuxian felt the arm around his waist be ripped away. Wei Wuxian barely had time to step onto Suibian’s blade before Lan Zhan was falling.

“LAN ZHAN-” He screamed, reaching out desperately. Their fingers met briefly but he was too late. Lan Zhan hit the water hard before sinking into the darkness. Wei Wuxian could hear screaming but he didn’t think before he acted.

Diving into the water, he tried to ignore how the sudden shock of cold made his body lock up. He forced his eyes open as he scanned the bottom of the lake. It became darker and darker the farther down he went, but he knew Lan Zhan’s robes would be bright enough to catch his attention regardless of how dark it was.

There. Lan Zhan was lying prone, caught between a rock and a piece of wood. Wei Wuxian kicked his legs harder, knowing he only had a limited time before he began to feel the burn of his lungs. As he reached down, he felt disgust shudder down his spine.

It wasn’t Lan Zhan, but Su She.

Out of the corner of his eye, Wei Wuxian saw another flash of white. Turning away, he saw Lan Zhan fighting against one of the abyss’ limbs, Bichen glinting dully underwater. Ignoring Su She, Wei Wuxian swam as fast as he could to help. Sibuan bit into the abyss’ limb but the spirit didn’t seem to notice at all.

Lan Zhan faltered, the water surrounding him beginning to turn a sickly, muted red as he swung Bichen once more. Wei Wuxian acted without thinking. He darted forward and caught Lan Zhan around the waist, using his legs to push them both away from the abyss. He felt Lan Zhan tense before going still and pushed himself harder.

Wei Wuxian grew up in Lotus Pier. He was second best at holding his breath, only behind Jiang Cheng himself. He could hold his breath for nearly twice as long as the next best disciple. Lan Zhan, however, didn’t have the same training he had. He needed to get Lan Zhan to the surface before he truly drowned.

His head broke from the water, his lungs greedily taking in the gasping breaths as he scanned the area. In a flash, there was purple filling his sight.

“What the fuck happend?” Jiang Cheng demanded as he tried pulling both Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan onto Sandu.

“Get-get him to shore,” Wei Wuxian coughed. “He’s hurt-”

“But what about you?”

“I’ll be fine,” He offered his brother a smile. “You know I’m the second best swimmer in Lotus Pier.”

“If anything happens to you, I swear I’ll kill you myself,” Jiang Cheng’s voice was suspiciously thick but he did as he was told. As stubborn as he could be, Jiang Cheng understood when things were dire. He pulled Lan Zhan from Wei Wuxian’s arms, Sadu buckling a little under the added weight. “I got him.”

“Good,” Wei Wuxian nodded. “Now go-”

Before he could finish, he felt something grab his ankle. His eyes widened with realization, and just as he was yanked under the water once more he hit Jiang Cheng with a burst of spiritual energy, forcing him to fly several yards away.

“WEI WUXIAN!”

Silence surrounded him once more. In his youth, Wei Wuxian often found himself at the lakes of Lotus Pier. When he was aching from training, or from a beating from Madame Yu, he would seek solace in the cool, kind embrace of the calm water. The lakes would caress his wounds, petting gently at sore muscles and soothing his racing mind. He would float on his back, his ears submerged so that he couldn’t hear the world around him. At times like that, all he could focus on was the hushed rush of the water around him as he allowed his body to be rocked with the small waves.

It was almost similar now. The world around him seemed to become mute as the water encased his body. He ached, but the cool touch of the lake offered respite. For a moment, Wei Wuxian felt at peace.

Then the abyss pulled him down, deeper into the lake. He knew he would die if he didn’t fight it, but the thought didn’t scare him as much as it had the first time. Twisting around, he shot a burst of spiritual energy at the limb holding onto his ankle. The abyss retreated for just a beat before it doubled its attack. Limbs came shooting out of the darkness, twisting around Wei Wuxian’s arms and legs. He struggled, but he found the abyss was far stronger than he was.

The resentful energy radiating off the abyss was cloying, able to be tasted on his tongue even under the water. He reached out with his own resentful energy, knowing his physical strength wouldn’t be enough. The abyss seemed to shudder but its grip on him didn’t falter. The first time, Wei Wuxian didn’t have a weapon that could defeat something like a waterborne abyss.
This time was different.

He began absorbing the resentful energy into himself, forcing it to bow its head and conform to his will. It had taken him weeks - months, three months to be exact - to create this technique of subduing the resentful energy, but he had become the master of it. The grandmaster of demonic cultivation, they had called him in hushed, disgusted whispers. He was the founder of his own form of cultivation, and he wasn’t going to let the abyss defeat him so easily.

The abyss began to thrash as its energy was siphoned from its twisted core but Wei Wuxian didn’t stop. He could feel his own body growing heavy, his lungs burning and his core rebelling in his chest.

He waited until there was enough resentful energy gathered within him before turning it back out, throwing it at the abyss with all his might. There was a strange sound, a mix between a scream and the vibration of two swords striking one another, that made his vision go black. The limbs that had been restraining him vanished just as a flash of white covered his vision. The last thing Wei Wuxian thought before passing out was that Lan Zhan was in no state to be rescuing him.

Wei Wuxian turned over and coughed violently, water gushing from his stomach and lungs as his body screamed. There were voices surrounding him but he couldn’t stop the convulsions long enough to see who was there.

“Wei Wuxian!” A familiar voice spoke right in his ear. Finally he had the strength to force a single eye open. Jiang Cheng was standing over him, soaking wet and scowling, though not nearly hard enough to hide the fear and worry in his eyes.

“Wh-the abyss?” He croaked, his throat burning painfully.

“Whatever you did seemed to scare it off for the time being,” Jiang Cheng answered, helping Wei Wuxian sit up. “But we can’t hang out here much longer. We can’t risk it coming back so soon.”

“Lan Zhan?”

“He’s fine,” His brother sighed. “He was unconscious when I brought him to shore, but he opened his eyes only a few minutes ago.”

“Thank the gods...” Wei Wuxian rested his head against his brother’s shoulder for a moment, trying to gather his strength. He forced himself to sit up fully and looked to where several people were crowding. There, in the middle of the circle, sat Lan Zhan. He was soaking wet and looked half-drowned, but the only thing that mattered in that moment was that he was alive.

“Come on,” Jiang Cheng sighed, hauling Wei Wuxian to his feet. “You’re lucky you aren’t more injured.”

“Can’t you be a little gentler?” Wei Wuxian whined a little. “I was almost killed!”

“Like that’s ever stopped you before...” Jiang Cheng trailed off, his face smooth and emotionless. Wei Wuxian felt a jolt go through him but before he could put a name to it, there were hands on his face.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan breathed out, as if he had been holding his breath since they had been separated. “You’re okay.”

“Mhm...” He smiled softly, pressing his cheek into Lan Zhan’s chilly palm. “What about you? You were bleeding.”

“I’m alright,” He promised. “It’s a surface wound. It’ll be mostly healed before we even make it back to the Cloud Recesses.”

“Good,” He leaned more heavily into Lan Zhan’s touch. “We need to get moving... the longer we stay here, the higher the chance it’ll strike again.”

“Mhm, Brother has been trying to gather the surviving cultivators together so we may depart.”

“What of those who didn’t survive?” Su She’s body flashed through Wei Wuxian’s mind.

“It’s too dangerous to retrieve their bodies at the moment,” Lan Zhan’s voice was strained. “We... we will try to retrieve them to give them a proper burial once the abyss has been chased into a smaller lake.”

“I should have done more,” Wei Wuxian closed his eyes tightly. “It’s my fault-”

“You did all you could do,” Lan Zhan cut him off. “What more could you possibly have done?”

“I-I hesitated,” He hated how his voice shook. “I could have saved them-”

A surge of resentful energy made Wei Wuxian stumble to his feet. He opened his mouth to warn those around him but he wasn’t fast enough. A limb came shooting from the water, aiming straight for him.

He tensed to dodge, preparing for the inevitable impact, only to be pushed to the ground. He felt the air get knocked from his aching lungs but the physical pain was nothing compared to the agony that ripped through him when he looked up.

Lan Zhan stood between him and the abyss, arms out and body still. Wei Wuxian felt like he was running through thick fog as he forced his limbs to respond to him. Pushing himself to his feet, he surged towards the other boy just as Lan Zhan collapsed. He caught him before he could hit the ground.

“Wei... Ying...”

Someone was screaming in his ear but he couldn't make out what they were saying as he took in the hole where Lan Zhan’s right eye had been. The abyss had struck him in the face, blood pouring from the wound and staining his robes red.

Time seemed to catch up with him and he realized he had been the one screaming. Hands tried to pull Lan Zhan from him but he clung desperately to the other boy. His attempts to shove spiritual energy into Lan Zhan’s body were met with no resistance - a corpse couldn’t accept or deny spiritual energy, after all.

He was finally ripped away from Lan Zhan’s body but he fought against their grip. He could feel Lan Zhan’s blood, hot and tacky on his skin. There was so much blood that the white GusuLan robes were red enough to be wedding robes.

Another surge of resentful energy came but it was so muted compared to the horror and grief ripping him to shreds that Wei Wuxian didn’t even register it until it was too late. The pain in his heart stopped abruptly as he slowly looked down at his own chest.

The inky limb of the abyss was sticking out from his chest, his blood soaking into the resentful arm. His hearing went tinny as he watched the limb slide back out of his body, slow and painful. He collapsed to the ground, trembling and convulsing.

It hurt so much more than when he fell on Bichen. It hurt more than when he took Bichen and slid it through his stomach, pulling the blade up through his chest and out of his shoulder. Maybe it was because of how much resentful energy the abyss had, but the pain was closest to what he experienced as he was torn to shreds by the corpses.

It took all his remaining strength to turn his head, but it was worth it for the last thing he saw to be Lan Zhan.

Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to answer the inevitable question Lan Qiren was about to ask him only to panic when he felt water rush down his throat. He immediately began thrashing around but there was something holding onto his arms and legs so tightly he felt his bones straining.

Opening his eyes, he was greeted by the sting of water and the sight of the abyss swirling around him. A flash of white was what truly snapped him back to reality, Su She’s body still lying prone at the bottom of the lake.

Not again, he thought to himself as he began absorbing the resentful energy in waves. It felt like fire in his veins but he brought more and more into his meridians until his core was screaming. Only when he knew he was at his limit did he turn the resentful energy back onto the abyss. He commanded it to crush the abyss, shadows swirling through the water and surrounding it, forming a barrier that squeezed tighter and tighter until the abyss was completely able to move.

Wei Wuxian was shocked. The waterborne abyss, once pushed down to its true size, was no larger than a wagon pulled by a horse. With all its flailing limbs, it seemed so unbelievably massive, but as it struggled against the same resentful energy that it once used to feed itself, it was actually a little pitiful.

He commanded the resentful energy to hold it tight as he tried swimming towards the surface. Before he could reach the face of the lake, he could feel his consciousness begin to fade. He had no idea how long he had truly been underwater, or how long it had taken to subdue the abyss, but his lungs screamed for air and his vision was getting spotty. His legs kicked with all their might before he lost the strength to move them anymore.

Reaching a hand towards the surface, a cold dread filled his stomach as the light began to get farther and farther away, the water around him getting colder and colder as he sunk back down into its depths.

Before he could black out, he felt a hand grip his wrist. It was scalding hot compared to his own skin, but he didn’t have the time to think much about that before he was rocketing towards the surface of the lake once more.

His head breached the water and he gasped violently, hacking and coughing hard enough to bruise a rib. The person who had saved him brought him to shore and slammed a hand down on his back several times. After the fourth or fifth hit, Wei Wuxian felt the water in his body rush upwards and he doubled over to expel it. The water was mixed with stomach acid and blood but felt near euphoric to get out.

“What the hell were you thinking!?” The person who saved him shouted in his ear as they continued to pound on his back.

“I-I-” He convulsed and spit out another mouthful of water.

“I don’t know what you did, but it seems the abyss has been defeated for the time being,” They said, helping Wei Wuxian to his feet. He finally had the energy to turn his head to see a familiar purple ribbon resting over the person’s shoulder. Jiang Cheng glanced back at his brother, his scowl softening. “We’re heading back to the Cloud Recesses now... I’m taking you straight to the infirmary, you hear me?”

“Jiang Cheng...” He muttered, his throat on fire. Memories from the last life came rushing back like a tidal wave and he felt his knees weaken. “Lan Zhan! Where- is he okay? Where’s Lan Zhan?”

“He’s over there,” Jiang Cheng frowned at the desperation in his voice. After a beat his eyes widened in realization. “I got him to the shore after your stupid stunt to push us out of the way of the abyss. He was unconscious for a bit but he just opened his eyes a few minutes ago.”

Wei Wuxian could have thrown up again, if he had anything left in his stomach. There was a spike of resentful energy behind him and he spun around, smacking Jiang Cheng’s arm from around his waist. He brought his hand to his mouth and let out a sharp, piercing whistle, his eyes burning red. The resentful energy seemed to freeze before contracting around the abyss tighter than before.

“What... what was that?” Jiang Cheng’s voice shook slightly.

“Me commanding the resentful energy to follow my damn orders,” Wei Wuxian growled, the resentful energy still within him twisting uncomfortably at its master’s anger. His core cried out in agony but he ignored it. “We need to leave. Now.”

Jiang Cheng didn’t argue. Wei Wuxian pushed forward, still a little shaky on his legs but not needing help to remain standing. He saw the group of white-clad cultivators and made a bee-line for them. Lan Xichen noticed him first and rushed over to his side.

“Young Master Wei!” He cried out, relief clear as day on his face. “Oh thank the gods... when you were pulled under we-”

“Is Lan Zhan okay?” He asked, though it was more of a demand. Jiang Cheng had already told him, but he needed more confirmation,

“Mhm,” Lan Xichen tried to smile but his beautiful face was now lined with exhaustion and age that hadn’t been there a few hours ago. “He’s alright. He was injured, but the wounds are healing already.”

“Good...” Wei Wuxian closed his eyes and sighed heavily. “We need to go, before the abyss breaks free and attacks again. Tell the civilians to stay away from the lake entirely.”

“I’m sure Wangji told you of the plan to push it into another lake?”

“It was my plan to begin with,” He scanned the crowd, looking for one face in particular. “When he told us about the water ghouls, we were the ones to point out that the details didn’t line up, so I offered solutions.”

“I see...” Lan Xichen trailed off. “In that case, many thanks, Young Master Wei. Your plan will save many lives. Now we just need to find a lake to use-”

“There’s one that flows southwest,” Wei Wuxian felt his irritation spike the longer he couldn’t see the face he needed to. “No more than a quarter of an hour’s walk from town. There’s a patch of forest we’d have to cut through to dig the trenches, but we can use the wood to reinforce the trenches once we fill them back in to keep it in place.”

“That’s... genius,” Lan Xichen’s eyes widened. “I know exactly which lake you’re speaking of. It’s been unclaimed for years because of legal disputes, so using it wouldn’t infringe on anyone’s property.”

“We need to begin digging as soon as possible,” Wei Wuxian felt the breath leave his burning lungs when he saw the familiar side profile. Lan Zhan was speaking to someone - or rather, someone was speaking to him. Lan Zhan was simply nodding to whatever they were saying, eyes downcast and jaw tight. “We can use fire talismans to create explosions that should clear the dirt quickly but we need to be careful not to cause any more injuries. Any added resentful energy would only make it stronger.”

“I see...” Lan Xichen looked worried. “When we return to the Cloud Recesses, would you be able to speak with me and Uncle privately to discuss the next steps in the plan?”

“Sure,” He agreed half-heartedly. He was trying to walk faster, trying to close the gap between him and the person he was so desperately trying to get to. “I just-”

“Wei Ying!” Called out the voice that had been so frail the last he heard it. Lan Zhan turned to face him fully but Wei Wuxian was frozen in place. He couldn’t tear his eyes from the other boy’s face, but the relief had quickly turned to horror. Lan Zhan didn’t seem to notice, too focused on getting to Wei Wuxian’s side as quickly as possible. “Wei Ying... I don’t know what you did, but it worked. The Abyss-”

He was cut off by Wei Wuxian reaching a shaking hand towards his face. His fingers brushed so gently against Lan Zhan’s skin that he barely even felt the touch but Wei Wuxian only paled further.

“Wei Ying?”

“What’s wrong this time- oh fuck...” Jiang Cheng came rushing over only to skid to a complete stop.

“What?” Lan Zhan glanced at the other boy, his brows furrowing. The action made the skin of his face tug in an unfamiliar way. Jiang Cheng just shook his head and drew Sandu, offering the sword to Lan Zhan to look into the shining metal.

“I’m sorry,” Wei Wuxian whispered, tears stinging his eyes. “I-I’m- it’s my fault you-”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Lan Zhan assured him, but he sounded like he was close to fainting. He stared at himself in Sandu’s blade, unable to comprehend what he was seeing. There, cutting a slit through his eyebrow and down to the center of the apple of his cheek was a deep, healed scar. “You... you did the best you could-”

“And this still happened!” Wei Wuxian was trying his best not to shout but the lingering resentful energy in him whispered awful things in his mind. This is your fault. You let him die. He jumped in front of you. Did he not think you could protect yourself? He thinks you’re weak. He pities you. He could never trust someone like you. He hates you-

“But I’m alive now,” Lan Zhan assured him. “We’re cultivators. Receiving scars in battle is inevitable. If it didn’t happen now, it would have happened down the line.”

“You died to protect me!” Wei Wuxian hissed in as much of a whisper as he could muster. There was a soft gasp nearby but no one heard it. Lan Zhan’s eyes widened for a fraction before turning up along with the small smile on his lips.

“I see,” He hummed, cupping Wei Wuxian’s face. “In that case, it will be a scar I bear with honor.”

“Wh-what?” Wei Wuxian didn’t know if he should blush or cry. Instead, he buried his face in Lan Zhan’s soaking robes and wrapped his arms tightly around the other boy’s waist, refusing to let go.

“Come on,” Jiang Cheng tugged on the back of Wei Wuxian’s robes. “You can explain everything once we’re back and changed. The last thing we need is to catch a cold when there’s important shit we need to be doing.”

“Jiang Wanyin is right,” Lan Zhan hummed, making Wei Wuxian reel back in shock. Even Jiang Cheng was surprised by the sudden use of his courtesy name, stopping in his tracks to look at Lan Zhan. “Uncle is going to want a report, and I would feel better knowing you’re dry and have had the healers look you over before that happens.”

“I... y-yeah, let’s go then...” Wei Wuxian was still in shock as Lan Zhan gently took his hand and began leading him towards the group of cultivators who had begun mounting their swords in preparation for the flight back up the mountain.

“Wait a second!” Jiang Cheng called as he raced to catch up with them. “We’re not just going to move past that!”

By the smirk on Lan Zhan’s lips, he was planning on doing just that.

Chapter Text

“You’re staring.” Lan Zhan’s voice made Wei Wuxian jump. Their robes had dried somewhat on the flight back to Caiyi but they were still uncomfortably damp, sticking to their skin as they moved.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He lied poorly, making Jiang Cheng scoff.

“How is this different from his usual staring?” He rolled his eyes. “Dumbass can’t keep his stupid eyes off you.”

“Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian cried, pretending to sound betrayed. Lan Zhan’s lips quirked up in the corner a little at the exchange.

“Wangji, I need some advice,” Lan Xichen appeared by their side. Only Lan Zhan didn’t jump a little at his sudden presence. Lan Zhan hummed, prompting his brother to continue. “We’re not terribly far from the Cloud Recesses, but I don’t know if anyone is in a good enough shape to fly up the mountain, let alone climb the steps. Should we find an inn for the night?”

“I believe you’re right,” Lan Zhan hummed. “We’re tired and injured. By morning we should be recovered enough to fly, but attempting to make our way back home now could result in further injuries. While we have a fairly large group, I’m sure we can find an inn to accommodate us.”

“Honestly it might be easier than we think,” Wei Wuxian said without thinking. When both Lans turned to look at him questioningly, he found himself flushing red. Clearing his throat, he continued. “Well... if Caiyi focuses mainly on trade through the waterways, the number of travelers coming through would have dropped drastically due to the abyss situation, right? So the inns and taverns should have ample vacancies.”

“That’s a good point,” Lan Xichen nodded, shoulders relaxing a fraction as his smile came a little easier. “In that case, we shall rest here for the night. If one inn cannot accommodate all of us, we will split into smaller groups. A senior disciple will go to oversee each group but hopefully we won’t need to separate too much.”

“The three of us can share a room,” Jiang Cheng said. “Most inns normally only have two beds per room but we can manage so that frees up an extra space for someone else.”

“Thank you, Young Master Jiang,” Lan Xichen turned his smile to the younger boy. “I believe you deserve more thanks than just that, though.”

“What do you mean?” Jiang Cheng huffed, looking away. Wei Wuxian didn’t miss how the other boy’s ears turned red.

“You saved Wangji’s life,” Lan Xichen said earnestly. “And that means more to me than you could ever understand.”

“Wei Wuxian saved him,” Jiang Cheng denied. “I just brought him back to shore.”

“In that case, you both deserve my gratitude,” The older boy turned to nod at Wei Wuxian as well. “I need to return to the others to inform them of my decision. We shall speak again with Uncle.”

He bowed to them before going over to the larger group of cultivators, his robes billowing with his movements.

Wei Wuxian found his gaze returning to Lan Zhan’s face. He was as handsome as always, but he couldn’t stop staring at the scar breaking up the flawless expanse of his skin. It was all his fault - Lan Zhan got that scar because he died.

He died for Wei Wuxian.

It was almost impossible to wrap his head around. Hanguang-Jun from his first life would never have done something so reckless - not for someone as deplorable as Wei Wuxian. Part of him already believed that Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng wanted to help him, but this wasn’t the sort of evidence of their loyalty he wanted to be given.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan took his hand. “We’re going.”

“Oh,” He blinked, not having realized the group had already started moving towards the nearest inn. “Sorry.”

“No need for sorries between us,” Lan Zhan hummed, gently tugging him along. Jiang Cheng followed close behind, looking as though he also wanted to reach out. “No sorries and no thank yous.”

“I don’t know if I can abide by that.” Wei Wuxian chuckled.

“As soon as we get to the inn we need to talk,” Jiang Cheng murmured softly. “That clearly didn’t go according to plan, but Lan Wangji’s new scar proves there's more to this than others might think. We’re going to need some sort of cover story.”

“I’ve been trying to think of something but I don’t know if any of them will be believable enough,” Lan Zhan admitted as they entered the inn. “I know my Uncle will have a fit, so we need to come up with something convincing, and fast.”

Lan Xichen gathered everyone’s attention and began dolling out room accommodations. As expected, their room would be the only one with three in it, which worked well for what they needed to get done.

“Baths will be sent up to each room, but it’s between you to decide who bathes first,” He continued. “If anyone wishes to eat in the main dining area you are allowed, but if you’d prefer to eat in your room simply allow the staff to know. I understand we are no longer in the Cloud Recesses at the moment, but I do still recommend going to sleep early. We need to heal and rest as much as we can before morning and staying up late is counterproductive to that.”

The group muttered in agreement before beginning to shuffle off towards their assigned rooms. Wei Wuxian had been right - because trade had been dropping due to the abyss, the inn had plenty of rooms for their numbers. Lan Xichen was clearly pleased that they didn’t have to split up.

“Watch where you’re going!” A voice cried a moment after Wei Wuxian registered his shoulder bumping into someone.

“Oh sorry-” He choked back a wounded sound when he realized who it was.

“It’s... fine,” Jin Zixuan looked away, clearly still pissed. “Just watch where you’re walking.”

“Of course.”

“Wei Ying...” Lan Zhan appeared, his brow furrowed. He had only taken a few steps when he realized Wei Wuxian was no longer following him.

“Ah, sorr- I mean, I’m coming,” Wei Wuxian caught himself. “Apologies again, Young Master Jin.”

Jin Zixuan blinked in shock but Wei Wuxian didn’t comment further. He and Lan Zhan made their way up to their room. Given how Jiang Cheng was still working on removing his first boot, he couldn’t have gotten there much quicker than they had.

“Wei Ying can bathe first,” Lan Zhan announced as soon as the door closed. “He put himself in great danger today.”

“I wasn’t the one who died,” Wei Wuxian snapped weakly, still standing in the middle of the room awkwardly. There were only two beds, which was to be expected. While it had been unheard of when he first woke up in the Cloud Recesses to share a bed with anyone, let alone his brother. Now, he found he couldn’t really sleep properly without another’s warmth next to him. “I can wait.”

“Just take the fucking bath,” Jiang Cheng snapped, pulling the ties from his bun and letting his hair fall in damp, curly waves around his shoulders. “You never take long anyway, so it’s not like we’ll be sitting around waiting for ages.”

“I...” He realized this wasn’t an argument he was going to win.

“I can dry your robes properly when you’re bathing,” Lan Zhan offered. “Most cultivators don’t bring spare sets on missions like this.”

“Most cultivators?” Wei Wuxian asked, a lilt of teasing to his voice.

“We are taught from a young age to carry all basic necessities with us, in case of an emergency,” Lan Zhan hummed in response. “I have a change of robes, a flare, a sleeping mat, three days worth of dried rations, and bandages among other things in a qiankun pouch. We are taught to never leave the mountain without it.”

“Wow, you really are prepared,” Wei Wuxian chuckled. “Maybe that’s something they should implement in Yunmeng. They aren’t nearly as cautious there, so having extra provisions will come in handy often.”

Though Wei Wuxian didn’t notice it, Lan Zhan did - he saw how Jiang Wanyin flinched at how casually Wei Ying spoke of Yunmeng as though he was no longer a part of it. How casually Wei Ying erased himself from the YunmengJiang history.

There was a knock on the door, breaking him from his thoughts. Wei Wuxian went to answer, allowing a worker to bring in the bath water while another took their order for supper. They even brought a separate bucket of water to wash their robes in. By the time they left, the water was still steaming but Wei Wuxian hesitated.

“Why are you just standing there?” Jiang Cheng asked.

“I...” He didn’t know how to tell them he didn’t feel comfortable taking a hot bath at all, let alone being the first to bathe. Back at the Cloud Recesses, baths were warm but never steaming - something about not inflicting harm on oneself - but even before that, back in the Burial Mounds water was scarce so they mainly used the river that ran parallel to the barriers to bathe and drink. That water was frigid, but not as cold as the Cold Springs.

“It’s alright,” Lan Zhan hummed, placing a hand on Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “You deserve to take care of yourself. I know you’ve... been through impossible trials in your past, and you may feel you aren’t worthy of such small luxuries, but you are.”

“Wait, is that really what you think?” Jiang Cheng frowned.

“I can’t help it,” He let out a small laugh. He didn’t know how to feel about Lan Zhan being able to read him so thoroughly. “It’s been ingrained in me by this point.”

“We’ll just have to fix that then.” Jiang Cheng announced ominously. Wei Wuxian only had time to take a single step back before the other boy was upon him, pulling his robes off and throwing them towards Lan Zhan.

Wei Wuxian wailed, but he couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up past teeth-worried lips as Jiang Cheng hoisted him up over his shoulder, dressed in nothing but his pants, and carried him over to where the bath was waiting.

“There, now bathe,” He ordered, putting Wei Wuxian down once more. “You smell like lake sludge and blood and you’d be mad to think I’m sharing a bed with someone who smells like that.”

“So cruel to me,” Wei Wuxian lamented as Jiang Cheng went back to where Lan Zhan was. He stripped fully and slipped into the water. It burned but his entire body immediately relaxed. “I could just stay here forever...”

“No you couldn’t!” His brother snapped from the other side of the divider. “We still have to wash up too, dumbass!”

“Of course,” He conceded. “Just give me a second.”

“Take your time,” Lan Zhan contradicted. “If the water cools, we can simply reheat it.”

“You spoil him far too much.” Jiang Cheng scoffed.

“I have several lives to make up for.” Lan Zhan replied, the words feeling like a knife through Wei Wuxian’s heart.

Once they were clean and dried they found themselves sitting around the small table in the center of the room. Wei Wuxian was in just his under robes, his outer robes still drying by the window. Lan Zhan had changed into his spare robes, while Jiang Cheng had simply put his own back on. He said since he hadn’t been dunked in the lake like the other two, he didn’t need to bother washing them just yet.

Their food was laid out on the table like a feast, with several dishes letting off delicious smelling steam into the air. Wei Wuxian’s stomach grumbled but he refrained from eating until he saw the other two begin their meals.

“Are you sure you don’t want any of this?” Jiang Cheng asked, pointing to the roast duck with his chopsticks. “I know you don’t do pork anymore but duck isn’t the same.”

“I’d prefer not to,” He admitted, though part of him still salivated at the sight of the duck, its skin golden and the juices pooling beneath it. It smelled heavenly, but he wasn’t about to risk having another flashback. “You enjoy it for me.”

“I can’t eat a whole duck on my own,” Jiang Cheng scoffed, putting more duck into his bowl regardless. “Though I suppose I can try to bring what’s left back with us. It’ll make a good snack when we’re stuck with all that bland medicinal food.”

“The food in the Cloud Recesses is cooked specifically for our health,” Lan Zhan hummed. “The dishes are filled with nutrients and vitamins to keep the mind and body strong.”

“Doesn’t mean they’re not bland.” Wei Wuxian pointed out.

“Mhm.” Lan Zhan hummed, shocking the other two boys.

“So you agree?” Jiang Cheng snapped, slamming a fist on the table. “This whole time you knew how bland that shit is and you still made us eat it!?”

“Language.”

“Lan Zhan, it’s cruel and unusual punishment,” Wei Wuxian whined, leaning into Lan Zhan’s side. “There isn’t even salt!”

“Too much salt is bad for you.”

“Too much of anything is bad for you!” He countered. “Should we ban everything now?”

“They already tried.” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes.

“The rules exist to keep us safe and teach us the proper way to exist in the world,” Lan Zhan said, as if reciting from a book. He put down his bowl in favor of his teacup but didn’t make a move to take a sip of the cooling tea. “Though... as I age, I find myself questioning some of the rules. I dare not voice these questions.”

“I feel like it’s only natural,” Wei Wuxian hummed. “The rules are super strict, but a lot of them do make sense. On the other hand, there are a ton of rules that contradict other rules... I guess the best take away is to follow the rules that fit the situation best? But seriously, I don’t think it makes you a bad Lan to question your rules. How can humans grow and change if we stay shackled by doing and saying the exact things our ancestors did?”

“That... makes sense, I suppose.” Lan Zhan said thoughtfully, looking down into his teacup. “We’re going to have to break a few more rules when we get back.”

“Right...” Wei Wuxian deflated a little. “That scar... it’s going to be hard to come up with something convincing.”

“We can’t tell the truth, no matter what the rules state,” Jiang Cheng said firmly. “Even if we tried, we’d be carted off to the healers in an instant.”

“Yeah... going up to Master Qiren and saying ‘hey funny story! Actually Lan Zhan just died but I did too so it reset the timeline’ wouldn’t exactly end well.”

“Well when you put it that way...” Jiang Cheng trailed off, unamused.

“There isn’t actually much written about a waterborne abyss,” Lan Zhan murmured. “I found very few texts even mentioning them, let alone giving any proper information. We could always say the resentful energy from the abyss injured me and healed me simultaneously.”

“That’s true,” Wei Wuxian fiddled with his bottom lip as he thought. “Not much is known about resentful energy as a whole. We could absolutely spin it as some sort of weird, unknown side effect of the corrupted yin energy from the abyss.”

“Then we have to be careful about Uncle trying to look into it further.” Lan Zhan pointed out.

“I don’t think that’ll be much of an issue,” Wei Wuxian countered. “I remember bringing the concept of using resentful energy up a few times before the point where I kept waking up at first. He seemed to have made up his mind about it from the beginning.”

“So that’s our cover? The resentful energy healed him?” Jiang Cheng sounded skeptical. “I have a feeling people aren’t going to believe that. Most only view resentful energy as something vile and destructive. They’re not going to buy some half-baked story about it also being able to heal someone.”

“But it has the potential to,” Wei Wuxian countered. “I didn’t have much time to test my theories before the raid, but I was coming up with a way to use resentful energy to heal minor scrapes and bruises. I theorized that because the body already hosts Yin energy naturally, I could use the resentful energy to-”

He cut himself off. Before either of his companions could say anything, he was throwing the door open and dragging someone inside.

“Shouldn’t Nie-xiong have told you not to eavesdrop?” He snarled, hand closing around the stranger’s throat. “He sends his informants to help us only for them to-”

He froze in horror when he finally registered the golden robes of the person struggling in his grip. His heartbeat roared in his ears as he took a step back, letting the person slide to the ground. They coughed, their own hand covering the red mark that Wei Wuxian’s grip had left on their skin,

“Wei Ying-” Lan Zhan was by his side in an instant, but Wei Wuxian barely registered his presence at all.

The only thing he could see was the face of Jin Zixuan, blood dripping down his chin as he looked up at the Yiling Laozu, reaching out to him as the life left his eyes.

“Yanli... is waiting for you...”

Wei Wuxian’s lungs seemed to forget how to inflate. The world around him began to swim as his heart beat harder and harder against his ribs. The red soaking into gold robes invaded his vision, the color from Jin Zixuan’s face turning white as a corpse.

He tried to scramble back but something held him in place. He thrashed, knowing what was coming next. Glancing around, he desperately tried to find Wen Ning only to let out a choked scream when his face was missing from those looking at him.

“No.... no, no-” He gripped his hair tightly. “I-I never meant- this wasn’t- he wasn’t-”

“Wei Ying, you need to focus,” A warm voice barely cut through the fear causing pandemonium in his mind and heart. “You’re okay. You’re not alone.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be here,” he sobbed, ripping at his bangs. He didn’t recall falling to his knees, but the floor was suddenly much closer when he finally managed to pry his eyes open. From the corner of his vision he was able to see those golden robes, pristine and shining. “Blood- where’s... where’s the blood-”

“There is no blood,” The warm voice continued. Wei Wuxian was faintly able to register a hand running along his spine. “No one is injured. We’re safe. You’re safe.”

“No.. no I- I’ll never be safe,” He stuttered desperately. “Not-not now... he’s dead. He’s dead and-and it’s my fault! How-how is Shijie supposed to- how is she- and what about- I killed him- and-and Jin Ling- and-”

“Wei Ying,” Hands were on his face, forcing him to look up. Silver met gold and instantly Wei Wuxian felt his heartbeat begin to slow. “Focus on me. Breath with me... slowly. Breathe in... and out... good. No, don’t look away. Just focus on me. You’re okay... you’re safe. We have you. We’re going to protect you. You are not alone.”

“Lan... Zhan?” He breathed, finally blinking enough to bring his vision back into focus.

“You’re safe,” Lan Zhan repeated. “No one here is going to hurt you, and we’re not going to allow anyone to lay a finger on you.”

“Was... was that my fault?” A small voice asked, making Wei Wuxian whip his head around. Jin Zixuan was still sitting against the wall by the door, his hand resting over his throat as he looked at Wei Wuxian with wide, horrified eyes.

“Shit...” Wei Wuxian felt lightheaded.

“We can’t really talk our way around this one, can we?” Jiang Cheng muttered.

“What just happened?” Jin Zixuan demanded, but his voice was weak.

“You should return to your room,” Lan Zhan ordered. “There’s no business for you here.”

“I heard what you said by the lake,” Jin Zixuan said suddenly, making the other three freeze abruptly. “About Young Master Lan d-dying...”

“Shit.” Jiang Cheng parrotted.

“And just now, you said something about dying yourself,” He directed the comment to Wei Wuxian. “What does that even mean? What’s going on?”

“You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you.”

“Try me.” Jin Zixuan said, jutting his chin out a little in defiance.

“No,” Wei Wuxian denied instantly. “You’re the one person I can’t-”

“He could help,” Lan Zhan murmured. “You said Jin Guangshan was the perpetrator of so much pain. If we can get his son to aid us, we could prevent countless tragedies.”

“My father?” Jin Zixuan blinked in surprise before scowling. “Gods above... I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I swear I didn’t have anything to do with whatever that bastard did this time.”

“Wait, what?” It was Wei Wuxian’s turn to blink in surprise.

“You said I wouldn’t believe you?” Jin Zixuan looked away. “I could say the same thing.”

“Are you saying Sect Leader Jin has already betrayed us?” Jiang Cheng growled, low and dangerous. Jin Zixuan’s head whipped back around to stare at him.

“B-betray?” His voice cracked a little. “I knew there was something fishy going on around Koi Tower but no one listened to me. I’m just a child to them, and even if I had any concrete evidence I don’t think there’s anything they would actually do.”

“Alright...” Wei Wuxian sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose knowing it would do nothing to stave off the headache he could feel brewing. “I’ll fill you in but you have to believe me. In turn, you tell us what you know.”

“I... I’ll try.”

“Sit at the table,” Wei Wuxian ordered as he slapped a silencing talisman on the door. He felt foolish for not doing so earlier. To everyone’s surprise, Jin Zixuan did as he was told without hesitation. Turning back to the new addition to their party, Wei Wuxian sighed. “Eat. They brought us far too much food.”

“But-”

“Try the duck,” Wei Wuxian interrupted, sitting back down beside Lan Zhan. “Jiang Cheng is the only one able to enjoy it anyway, so it would be a shame for it to go to waste.”

“What about you?” Jin Zixuan asked, eyeing the duck hungrily. “Are you adverse to eating poultry or something? Weren’t you the one bragging about being the best pheasant hunter just the other day?”

“Or something,” Wei Wuxian answered dryly. “Anyway, what I’m about to say is going to sound insane, but it’s the absolute truth. Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng already know, as well as Nie Huaisang.”

“Nie-xiong?” Jin Zixuan raised an eyebrow. “Is that wise? If whatever this is really is as dire as your tone implies, is it a good idea to involve him? He can barely handle lectures without whining.”

“Nie Huaisung has already proven himself a valuable asset to our cause,” Wei Wuxian defended the missing member of their team. “I can only hope you prove the same.”

“I...” Jin Zixuan trailed off, looking visibly scolded.

“I’m stuck in a time loop,” Wei Wuxian said suddenly. Jin Zixuan’s head shot up, eyes widening in surprise but didn’t make a move to interrupt. “I lived all of this before and died years into the future only to wake up at age fifteen again. Every time I die, I wake up at the same point in time though... this time was different.”

“I had a feeling,” Jiang Cheng crossed his arms. “If it was the same point again, we wouldn’t remember anything, so it had to have been some time between us finding out and the abyss.”

“Mhm,” He hummed in confirmation. “When I died, I expected to wake back up in class like I had all the times before but this time I was fighting the abyss. I nearly drowned because I didn’t think to hold my breath.”

“So wait, how many times have you died?” Jin Zixuan asked.

“This was the... sixth time?” Wei Wuxian said, but it was more of a question. He glanced towards Lan Zhan, who nodded. “Mhm, six times so far.”

“Six times...” Jin Zixuan said, nodding absentmindedly.

“Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan have both also died once,” Wei Wuxian’s face darkened. “I wasn’t able to protect them and they died.”

“It’s not your fault.” Lan Zhan denied only to have the hand intended to rest on Wei Wuxian’s arm be slapped away.

“Jiang Cheng died because I didn’t go to fight the abyss with him,” Wei Wuxian countered, a sneer twisting his face. “And you died to protect me, only for that sacrifice to be in vain!”

“You don’t seem too surprised.” Jiang Cheng said, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes at Jin Zixuan, who was looking at the table.

“I... if you had said all of this to me an hour ago I would have called you insane,” He muttered, brows furrowing. “But you said a name that I- I’ve never told anyone.”

“What name?”

“Jin Ling,” Jin Zixuan’s head shot up, his eyes boring holes into Wei Wuxian’s head. “I- that’s the name I chose for my first born son, but I’ve never told anyone... there’s no way you would have known that unless... you’re telling the truth, and you really have lived all of this before.”

“Jin Ling...” Wei Wuxian’s eyes stung. “I never had the chance to meet him.”

“So I have a son in the future?” Jin Zixuan seemed to glow at the knowledge. “Was he healthy? Do you know- wait... if I have a son, who’s the mother?”
Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian shared a suffering glance, but it seemed that’s all Jin Zixuan needed to connect the pieces. He gasped, blushing bright red before paling significantly.

“Jiang Yanli?” He whispered, voice trembling a little.

“You’re lucky Wei Wuxian vouched for you so hard,” Jiang Cheng growled. “Otherwise I’d never let you near my sister again.”

“He what?”

“At this point you’re pretty insufferable,” Wei Wuxian said with a shrug, ignoring the indignant squawk that came from the boy in question. “But you grow up and become a good man... a man who cares for my Shijie and gives her everything she could ever want.”

“I see...” Jin Zixuan trails off.

“So,” Jiang Cheng stared a hole in the other boy’s face. “Are you in?”

“In what?” Jin Zixuan snapped. “All you’ve told me is that I’m an asshole and my father is a treasonous bastard.”

“The future that awaits us is a terrible one,” Wei Wuxian said, tone grim. “Death follows us at every turn. The blood of innocents will stain our hands and our morals will become something of fairytales. At each step, nothing but despair and agony will follow... but we’re going to change that. We’re going to stop the future from being what I know.”

“And you think I can help?”

“As long as you don’t die, we’ve already changed a huge part of the future.”

“I die?” Jin Zixuan’s head flew up.

“Don’t we all die, in the end?” Wei Wuxian asked in return.

“You know what I mean,” He rolled his eyes. “I’m assuming I die young, and that it causes issues.”

“You die on the day of your son’s hundred day ceremony,” Wei Wuxian said ruthlessly, making Jin Zixuan flinch. “And your death resulted in two of the closest people to me attempting to sacrifice themselves for me only for their sacrifice to be rendered useless, for the sects banded together to slaughter me and the elderly, the sickly, and the child I had under my protection. Only one survived, and I have no idea what happened to him after I died.”

“Who... who survived?” Jin Zixuan looked scared to ask.

“A-Yuan,” Wei Wuxian felt a hand rest on his knee. He shot Lan Zhan a grateful glance before sighing. “He... After the Wens lose the war, the Jins will imprison them in labor camps. They will say that only prisoners of war will be sent there, but when I arrived the only people in the camp were elderly civilians and a toddler. A-Yuan will only be three when he’s brought to the labor camp, forced to watch his family be tortured, starved, raped and killed for the sin of simply having ‘Wen’ as a surname. The day of the siege, I took A-Yuan and hid him in a hollowed tree... after that, I was ripped to shreds by the corpses. I have no idea what happened to him after that, if he even survived. Maybe one of the cultivators that slaughtered Granny Wen and Uncle Four in cold blood found him and slit his poor, little throat. Maybe they took his malnourished body and dragged it back to Lanling as a trophy - the last prize to be taken from the demon Yiling Laozu-”

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan cut him off. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

“Why not?” He snapped, turning his ire to the other boy. “Do I not deserve it? After everything I did to keep them alive, I am the only one to be blamed for their deaths. I left my little radish to fend for himself! But what else could I have done? Let him watch his family be cut down? Leave him in the line of slaughter? No... no I had to hide him, but I wasn’t thinking straight. I was scared, and angry, and weak. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just knew I needed to hide him away but in the end, didn’t I just condemn him to a death that’s slow and painful? Would it have been more merciful to be cut down quickly, like the others-”

Wei Wuxian’s jaw snapped closed, betrayal clear as day in his eyes. Lan Zhan looked remorseful but he didn’t lift the silencing spell.

“It will fade on its own in a few minutes,” Lan Zhan hummed, taking Wei Wuxian’s hand in his own, holding it carefully. “I simply could not allow you to continue... if it hurt me that much to hear, I can’t even imagine how much it hurt you to say. Wei Ying - you are good. You didn’t want A-Yuan to die, or to see something so traumatic. You did what you could to protect him, and no one can fault you for that. We don’t know what happened after you died, but we don’t have to only imagine the worst.”

“Mhm?” Wei Wuxian grumbled, his lips still glued shut by the spell. Thankfully, Lan Zhan seemed to know exactly what he was trying to say.

“Well, maybe there was someone who stumbles across A-Yuan,” He hummed, pulling Wei Wuxian close to him. “After the siege, after the violence and death has finished. They find him in that tree and bring him home. They raise him as their own, giving him food and clothes and an education. He grows into a bright young man who helps those in need, who has the same smile as the man who saved him all those years ago.”

“Lan Zhan...” Wei Wuxian buried his face in the other boy’s robes. He hadn’t even realized the spell had already lifted until he spoke Lan Zhan’s name aloud. “Do you think that really could have happened?”

“Anything could happen,” He replied. “You could travel through time and change the future, too. Why couldn’t A-Yuan have been saved?”

“Peacock.” Jiang Cheng said abruptly.

“What do you want?” Jin Zixuan snapped, jumping a little at suddenly being addressed.

“Are you sharing a room with anyone?”

“No,” he replied. “Because we had an uneven number of people, I was given a room to myself.”

“Perfect,” Jiang Cheng stood, dragging Jin Zixuan to his feet. “We’ll go back there and I’ll fill you in on everything I know.”

“Can’t Wei Wuxian do it-”

“No,” Jiang Cheng said firmly, trying to convey something with his eyes. After a moment, Jin Zixuan seemed to understand and nodded. “I’ll fill you in.”

“Of course,” Jin Zixuan nodded. “We can reconvene later?”

“Sounds good,” Wei Wuxian muttered, unsure of what his brother was planning. “We’ll be... here, I guess?”

“Good,” Jiang Cheng glared at him. “Don’t you dare leave, you hear me?”

Without another word, Jiang Cheng ushered Jin Zixuan out of the room, leaving the other two alone. Wei Wuxian blinked a few times before letting out a breathless chuckle. He leaned into Lan Zhan’s chest, feeling the strength in his limbs fail him.

“What do you think that was all about?” He asked.

“Who knows,” Lan Zhan replied. “Are you still hungry?”

“Not really,” Wei Wuxian glanced at his half-eaten meal. “After what happened, I can’t bring myself to eat much more.”

“I understand,” He nodded, his eyes looking so incredibly sad. “Wei Ying...”

“What’s that look for?” Wei Wuxian asked with a small smile.

“I tried to protect you, but it seems all I did was make things harder for you.”

“Trust me, I make things harder for myself all on my own.” He tried to joke. He glanced at Lan Zhan for only a moment before tearing his gaze away. How would he ever be able to look at the other boy again, knowing he was the cause for the scar now marring his perfect face?

Now, Lan Zhan would have physical proof of how dangerous it was to associate with the fool known as Wei Wuxian. Would he still stand by his side, knowing he already died once for the cause?

He wouldn’t blame Lan Zhan if he chose to leave now.

“Am I ugly now?”

“Wh-what?” Wei Wuxian scrambled back a few steps, too stunned by the question to avert his gaze. Lan Zhan looked at him sadly, his mouth turned down at the corners and his brow furrowed a fraction. To anyone else, it was barely enough to count as a change in expression, but to Wei Wuxian he looked like a kicked animal.

“Wei Ying can’t even bring himself to look at me now,” Lan Zhan turned his head away, gaze downcast. “The scar... does it disgust you?”

“That’s- nothing could make you ugly, Lan Zhan!” He was beyond shocked by the line of thought. “No scars could make you ugly - not to the world, but especially not to me.”

“Then will you look at me again?”

“I...” Wei Wuxian felt the breath leave his lungs as Lan Zhan turned his head back to lock eyes.

“I do not offend with my new appearance?”

“No,” Wei Wuxian whispered reverently. He crawled forward, all but sitting in the other boy’s lap as he reached forward to trace the scar. “No... no, Lan Zhan you could never. You’ve always been ethereal and the scar just... it makes you look dangerous. No one will look at you and underestimate you now.”

“You think I’m ethereal?”

“When we fought on the roof,” Wei Wuxian admitted softly. “Before I fell on Bichen’s blade, all I could think was how you looked more like a martial god than a human, with your robes flowing like moonlight. Every step you took was so calculated, every blow of your sword so strong. It made me... regretful, that I lost what shavings of friendship I had forged in my first life. I threw it all away to protect the Wens, but you never understood... I didn’t want to get close this time, because I didn’t think I’d be able to handle losing you again.”

“You will not.”

“You can’t promise that,” The hand on Lan Zhan’s cheek fell. “One thing I’ve learned is that... that no matter how genuine someone is when they promise you something, you have to remember that there’s always a chance they’ll break it.”

“No,” Lan Zhan took Wei Wuxian’s hand and placed it back on his own cheek, cupping the back of the other boy’s hand with his palm. “This is one promise I shall keep, no matter what. I will not leave your side, not truly. We may be separated, but I will never abandon you, Wei Ying.”

“I... I want to believe you,” Tears threatened to cling to his lashes. “I really do but-”

“But you’ve been burned too many times in the past,” Lan Zhan hummed sadly. “I will simply have to prove it to you, how genuine I am in my promise.”

“Please don’t put yourself in danger because of me,” Wei Wuxian whispered, letting his eyes fall closed as he leaned in minutely. “I can’t- I won’t be able to live with myself if anything happened to you because of me.”

“I will follow you to the end,” Lan Zhan swore, his promise hitting Wei Wuxian’s lips, his hand still holding the other boy’s in place on his face. “I will go where you go, and do as you do. I will fight for you, and if I have to, I will die for you-”

“You can’t!” Wei Wuxian interrupted, his eyes flying open in horror. “Lan Zhan! Please... please promise me you won’t!”

“I cannot promise that,” He locked eyes with Wei Wuxian and refused to look away. “I can promise to stay by your side because I intend to keep that promise, but I cannot promise I will not die for you because that is something I am willing to do.”

“But-”

“I trust you,” Lan Zhan leaned forward, pressing his lips to the skin between Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows. The kiss only lasted a half a beat but it was enough to make fireworks explode in Wei Wuxian’s heart. “I trust you with my life, and with my future. I will follow you because I know you are just, and kind. Whatever may befall us, I will stay by your side because I know we will be doing what is right.”

“Lan Zhan...” The tears finally won out, running down Wei Wuxian’s flushed cheeks.

“Things are going to be different this time,” Lan Zhan pulled the hand on his cheek to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the meat of Wei Wuxian’s palm. “You are not alone. You will never have to be alone again.”

“I don’t deserve this-”

“You deserve this and more,” Lan Zhan shook his head, his breath tickling the skin of his palm. “And I will ensure you get the ending you deserved from the start.”

“I...” Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to say. There were so many thoughts whirling through his mind but they were so chaotic and dissonant that he wouldn’t have been able to focus them enough to speak aloud.

Instead, he surged forward, wrapping his arms around Lan Zhan’s neck. Arms came to rest around his waist, holding him close as he buried his face in Lan Zhan’s throat. The other boy smelled like sandalwood and safety and it made the tension in his muscles lift.

“You’re alright,” Lan Zhan whispered, the arms around Wei Wuxian’s waist tightening a fraction. “You can cry. No one will hurt you here.”

And cry he did. He cried for their future, but he also cried for his past - for the Wei Wuxian who had no one, who had nothing. He cried for his first life, where he had been abandoned at every turn. Where he had been scorned and mocked, desecrated and hunted like infected game.

Lan Zhan said nothing more. Instead, he hummed a soft, almost familiar tune - one that had comforted Wei Wuxian as much as it had haunted him.

“Lan Zhan?” He whispered, voice stuffy with tears.

“Mhm?”

“What’s the name of the song you’re singing?”
“It doesn’t have a name yet,” There was something more to his tone that told Wei Wuxian he wasn’t telling the whole truth, but he decided to let it slide. “It’s incomplete. When it’s finished, I will name it.”

“You wrote it?”

“Mhm.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” The arms around his waist were so warm and comforting that it almost made Wei Wuxian forget why he had been upset in the first place. “I had beautiful inspiration to write it.”

“What inspired it?”

“I will tell you one day,” He swore, a smile playing on the fringes of his words. “When it is complete.”

“I’ll look forward to learning about it then.”

“And I will look forward to telling you.”

Chapter Text

“Are you ready for the journey back?” Lan Xichen asked with a warm smile.

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan hummed in response. “You made the right decision, Brother. Forcing ourselves to return while exhausted and injured would have been dangerous.

“I just wish I hadn’t allowed anyone to get injured in the first place,” The warm smile faded as he looked at his brother’s face. “Wangji...”

“Ah,” Lan Zhan blinked, his hand coming up to touch the scar. “I believe it was the abyss... So little is actually known about resentful energy. It’s the only thing that makes sense to me at the moment.”

“I didn’t think resentful energy was capable of something like that,” Lan Xichen didn’t look too comforted by his brother’s words. “Does... does it hurt?”

“No,” He tried to offer Lan Xichen a reassuring tilt of the mouth. “I barely even felt it. I probably wouldn’t have noticed it if Jiang Wanyin hadn’t pointed it out.”

“I didn’t know you were so close with Young Master Jiang,” Lan Xichen’s eyebrow raised a minute fraction. To anyone else, there wouldn’t have been a perceivable change in his expression at all but to Lan Zhan, the message was clear. “I knew you and Young Master Wei have been getting closer, but I always thought you and Young Master Jiang were... at odds.”

“Things have changed,” Lan Zhan hummed. He supposed to an outsider, things between him and the Jiang heir wouldn’t have been that great. Until Wei Ying had finally explained everything, he had only seen Jiang Wanyin as an annoyance at most, a threat at least. “He’s... a loyal friend.”

“That’s great, Wangji!” Lan Xichen’s smile was much more genuine. “Ah, this one feels much relief knowing you’ve found genuine friends.”

“Lan Zhan! We’re all ready to go~” Wei Wuxian came rushing over, his ponytail swaying playfully behind him.

“Gods, why are you always so loud?” Jiang Cheng snapped, walking with much less enthusiasm.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan’s face softened. This did not go unnoticed by his brother. “We’re preparing to depart now. We should be back before midday.”

“Perfect,” Wei Wuxian grinned. “Just in time to miss morning classes.”

“Don’t worry,” Lan Xichen said, fighting back a small laugh. “Your teachers will have set aside the work for everyone who came on this trip to catch up on in their spare time. We can’t have our guest disciples falling behind in their studies, now can we?”

“Ah...” Wei Wuxian visibly deflated. “I see...”

“Don’t worry, I will help you catch up.” Lan Zhan promised, making Wei Wuxian perk back up again.

“Wei Wuxian! I wanted to ask you about-” Jin Zixuan came skidding around the corner only to stop dead in his tracks. His eyes widened at the sight of the First Jade and he instantly began backpedaling. “About... um... th-the essay we had for class?”

“Ah, Young Master Jin,” Lan Xichen’s amusement only grew when he saw how red the younger boy’s ears suddenly were. He glanced at his brother, silently acknowledging the strange new companionship he seemed to be attracting. Lan Zhan didn’t reply, only looking away from his brother. “It’s always refreshing to hear students eager to discuss their lessons outside of lecture. We should hurry back - once we write the reports, there should be plenty of time before curfew to talk about your studies.”

“Of-of course,” Jin Zixuan flushed and bowed his head. “This one will be looking forward to it.”

“Shall we, then?” Lan Xichen hummed, gesturing for the four boys to join the rest of the cultivators.

The trip back to the Cloud Recesses was quiet. Even if they had healed, they were still exhausted from the fight with the abyss. In addition to the exhaustion, each and every person dreaded the report they were going to have to help file when they got back. Lan Xichen, as the lead of the party, would have to do the most paperwork, but everyone would have to give their accounts as well.

The moment they breached the wards, there was a flurry of footsteps heading in their direction. Wei Wuxian had to fight to keep the surprise from his face when he saw a familiar head of short hair rushing towards them.

“You’ve returned!” Nie Huaisang cried as he launched himself into Wei Wuxian’s arms. “I was so worried when you didn’t come back yesterday!”

“We’ll fill you in.” Wei Wuxian promised with a whisper. Nie Huaisang instantly stopped his dramatics and looked at Wei Wuxian from under his bangs. He glanced at Jin Zixuan, who had his arms crossed as he looked around, as if he was pretending not to know any of them.

“I already know,” He murmured, expression solemn. “Though it seems there’s more to the story. Lan-xiong’s eye...”

“Mhm.” Wei Wuxian hummed, confirming Nie Huaisang’s suspicions. The other boy’s face darkened before his brows furrowed.

“But wait,” He frowned. “If I still remember, that means-”

“We’ll discuss everything when we’re alone,” Wei Wuxian reminded him that they were very much still in public. “Besides, there’s even more I need to tell you.”

“Like what-”

“That’s the guy who has a network of spies?” Jin Zixuan hissed to Jiang Cheng, just barely loud enough for Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian to hear, even with their close proximity. “I don’t believe it.”

“Him?” Nie Huaisang turned his disbelief onto Wei Wuxian. “You told him?”

“We didn’t really have much of a choice,” He sighed. “He overheard us talking and I... freaked out a little when he tried to confront us. Like I said, I’ll explain everything later.”

“You better,” Nie Huaisang finally removed himself from Wei Wuxian’s arms, haughtily opening his fan and hiding his face behind it. He fanned his face a few times, his eyes staring down each of the boys before him for a moment before returning to Wei Wuxian. “I have news for you as well.”

“Tonight,” Wei Wuxian swore. “After supper.”

Nie Huaisang nodded just as Lan Xichen reappeared a little further down the path. Behind him was a very concerned looking Lan Qiren, the man’s face pale and his brows furrowed. He was obviously looking for his nephew. Wei Wuxian saw how his teacher’s face relaxed for a moment when he saw Lan Zhan was alive only for his expression to darken when he saw the new scar on his face.

“Wangji,” Lan Qiren immediately went to his nephew, stopping only a step away. He didn’t reach out, but he was clearly looking the boy over for any obvious injuries. His eyes kept drifting up to his face, his brow furrowing more and more each time. “I would like to speak to you and Xichen directly about your reports... Rather than having afternoon lectures, there will be a funeral service for those who lost their lives yesterday. Though it may be some time before we can retrieve their bodies, it’s proper to pay our respects and burn paper money for their souls.”

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan’s face fell. He glanced at Wei Wuxian with a frown. “I will not be long. I will find you when I finish my report.”

“Alright...” Wei Wuxian wanted nothing more than to pull Lan Zhan to his side, holding him close so he couldn’t leave his side ever again but he knew it would have been inappropriate. Instead he simply nodded.

“We should change before... paying our respects,” Jiang Cheng tugged on his brother’s sleeve. “Don’t take forever, Lan Wangji. This idiot will probably waste away if you’re gone for too long.”

“Jiang Cheng!” Wei Wuxian yelped, eyes widening in betrayal as his cheeks burned red. Lan Zhan smiled softly, his own ears matching in hue.

“I will hurry,” He swore. Reaching out, he took Wei Wuxian’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze before turning to his Uncle. “I’m ready.”

“This way then.” Lan Qiren hummed, eyeing the interaction between his nephew and his most unruly student with suspicion.

Wei Wuxian watched them leave, a pit in his stomach growing heavier. Jin Zixuan cleared his throat awkwardly, earning an amused snicker from behind Nie Huaisang’s fan. Jin Zixuan glared at the other boy before rolling his eyes.

“I’m going to change,” He announced. “We can meet back up and go together to pay our respects.”

“Do we have to?” Wei Wuxian whispered without thinking.

“It’s only right.” Jiang Cheng hummed. He seemed to sense his brother’s hesitance and began tugging him away.

Wei Wuxian allowed himself to be pulled to their shared room. It felt like it had been years since they had left that morning, though in a sense it had been a lifetime. He had died since waking up, and yet he was still alive. He hadn’t been able to see it properly, but he knew there was a shiny new scar on his back, if the mark on his chest where the Abyss’ limb had shot straight through him said anything.

Just another scar to add to the mix. He wondered if Lan Qiren would make any connection between the scar on his beloved nephew’s face and the one he pointed out on his student’s throat the day before. Lan Qiren already told Wei Wuxian he knew it hadn’t been there before, which would only increase the chances of the older man launching some sort of investigation into whoever hurt the boy.

An investigation that will just get more convoluted when he hears the bullshit excuse they had cooked up the night before. Would he be able to piece together the lie about the resentful energy and the scar on his throat? Would he draw a painfully correct conclusion and rightfully assume it was Wei Wuxian’s fault somehow?

“Are you gonna be okay?” Jiang Cheng’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Of course,” He lied. “It’s just for a little bit... we don’t have to stay all day.”

“If you’re sure...”

Wei Wuxian didn’t respond. He didn’t speak as they changed their robes. He didn’t utter a single word as they met Jin Zixuan and Nie Huaisang. He didn’t open his mouth once as they made their way towards the gathering that had formed in the main hall.

Though it had been less than a day since the encounter with the Abyss, the Lans were nothing if not efficient. Lan Xichen must have sent work ahead of time, for there were several portraits sitting behind lit candles and smoking sticks of incense. Most of the people gathered had been those who had witnessed the Abyss, but there were some older disciples and other members of the Lan clan praying and burning paper money. Wei Wuxian assumed news of the tragedy hadn’t quite reached the ears of the younger disciples, which he was minutely glad for.

There were only five portraits, but that was still five too many. If he had been more efficient, more competent, less of a worthless, heartless piece of shit-

“Hey, it’s okay,” A voice made Wei Wuxian jump. He glanced to his right to see Jiang Cheng whispering to Nie Huaisang as they waited their turn to pay their respects. Looking to his right, he felt shock run down his spine when he saw the concerned furrow of Jin Zixuan’s brow. “There wasn’t anything you could do. I saw you - you were fighting for your own life, and you still managed to save Lan-xiong... You did well, Wei Wuxian.”

“I-” Tears stung his eyes. He felt his throat closing dangerously, preventing him from saying anything else. Out of everything he could have predicted happening, having Jin Zixuan of all people comfort him wouldn’t have even made the list.

“I know it’s probably bullshit coming from me but...” He trailed off for a second. “But I saw your face when you pulled me into your room last night. I heard the way your voice wavered when you talked about... all that. It made me realize that you’re not the stuck up brat I always thought you were. I had this preconceived idea of who you were, and I had decided to dislike you because I was angry at my father for planning my future for me before I was even born. And-and this probably means shit to you right now, but-”

“It doesn’t,” Wei Wuxian cut him off softly. Jin Zixuan blinked, eyes wide and confused. The sight made Wei Wuxian chuckle a little. “It doesn’t mean shit. I... it means a lot, actually. I’m sorry we made things so much harder for you.”

“Are we really good together?” He asked, and Wei Wuxian didn’t need to clarify what he meant.

“Mhm,” He felt himself smile softly. “She was so happy to show me her wedding robes... She and Jiang Cheng came all the way out to Yiling, under the cover of darkness. They risked so much just to give me the opportunity to see her. She-she was glowing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so happy.”

“I see...” Jin Zixuan trailed off as they approached the first portrait. Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang were already kneeling and lighting incense, clasping their hands together as they sent up a silent prayer for the soul of the man. As they stood, Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan took their place.

Wei Wuxian didn’t know this person. His face was unfamiliar to him, as was his name. He lit incense for him regardless, praying to the Gods that he finds peace, and that his soul reincarnated quickly and painlessly.

Without a word, they moved onto the next portrait. Jin Zixuan knelt beside him each time, handing him a stick of incense to light. He could see the final portrait from the corner of his eye and pretended it wasn’t there. If he could make it through this, he would be fine. While he dreaded the inevitable conversation with Lan Qiren, he’d take the old man’s lecturing over what he was about to do any day.

“After this we can leave.” Jin Zixuan hummed and for the first time Wei Wuxian remembered that the other boy was actually slightly older than him. Not as much as Jiang Yanli, but enough that the sudden surge of maturity stuck out to him.

Wei Wuxian’s jaw remained tightly closed as they knelt before Su She’s portrait. He couldn’t bring himself to raise his eyes to look at the face of the person he damned to such a painful death. He had killed Su She in an even more painful way in his last life, so why did it ache so badly now knowing he had the chance to save him and threw it away?

Su She was dead. He wouldn’t be able to drag Mianmian into danger. He wouldn’t be able to shoot Wei Wuxian with the arrow that disrupted his fire talisman and drew the attention of the Tortoise of Slaughter. He wouldn’t be able to interfere this time - to an outsider, this should be fantastic news. With the obstacle known as Su She out of the way, Wei Wuxian’s chances of changing the future are greatly improved.

So why did his lungs ache? Why couldn't he draw in a proper breath? He should be happy that he would have an easier time accomplishing what he was trying desperately to succeed at, so why couldn’t he see the incense in his hand? All he could see was a trembling blur, the sight of the burning tip disorienting.

This was the first time he was given clear evidence that not everything could be reset. He had gotten cocky, thinking he could simply die and redo everything over and over, but Su She’s death proved there were still consequences to his actions. If he made mistakes, they could be permanent.

It scared him, because it could have been Jiang Cheng. It could have been Lan Zhan. They had gotten lucky that it wasn’t, but it could have been, and now Wei Wuxian was choking on the knowledge that he could still lose them all again.

“-ey!” A quiet voice whispered in his ear. “Hey! Wei Wuxian!”

“I-I need to-” he dropped the incense, the lit end leaving a grey smear on his white disciple robes. He tried to scramble to his feet only to collapse, his legs unable to support his weight. He could hear the commotion around him but he couldn’t understand a single thing that was being said through the roaring in his ears.

“Come on,” Another voice said, hauling him to his feet. “We did what we came to do. We don’t have to stay.”

Wei Wuxian allowed himself to be pulled away, his breathing getting shallower and shallower as he continued to be unable to inhale properly. Where was he being taken? Who was touching him? Where was he?

“You’re okay,” A soft voice hummed, the tone almost musical. “We don’t have to go back. You did well, Wei-xiong. You saved so many people. Casualties are inevitable in our lives, but you saved so many lives.”

“Nie Huaisang!” Another voice hissed. “Do you really think that’s going to help!?”

“I do,” Nie Huiasang replied calmly. “Trust me, I know it’ll help. Wei-xiong, can you look at me?”

Wei Wuxian struggled for a moment but eventually was able to do as requested. It took a few blinks, but he was able to focus his vision on the boy before him. Nie Huaisang smiled warmly at him, his eyes turning up slightly.

“See? That wasn’t too hard. Not for you, at least. Wei-xiong can do anything he puts his mind to,” He smiled a little wider. The sight made Wei Wuxian’s chest warm a little. “You saved them. So many people would have died if you weren’t there. Jiang-xiong would have died, but he didn’t - he didn’t because you saved him. You saved them.”

“I-I-”

“What more could you have done?”

“That’s going to make things worse!” Jiang Cheng tried to rip Nie Huiasang away, making the smaller boy’s smile drop. He shot Jiang Cheng a withering glare which made the boy holding him falter. Once he was free, he turned the smile back to Wei Wuxian.

“Well? What more could you have done?”

“I should have saved them-”

“And what were you doing instead of saving them?”

“Nie Huaisang!” Jiang Cheng hissed in horror.

“I... I was trying to subdue the abyss.”

“So your options were to... what? Stop the abyss and lose five lives or save those lives and lose dozens more?” Nie Huaisang posed it like an innocent question but the impact felt like a punch to Wei Wuxian’s gut.

“N-no, I couldn’t-”

“See?” His smile somehow softened more. “You did all you could do. You stopped the abyss and saved their lives. You saved them. You’re a hero.”

“I’m no hero.”

“I bet Lan-xiong would disagree,” Nie Huaisang’s smile turned a tad teasing. “I bet if he were here, he’d call you a hero too.”

“Lan Zhan is biased,” Wei Wuxian scoffed a little only to freeze when he realized the panic that had been overriding his mind had all but vanished. “How-”

“My brother,” Nie Huaisang’s smile turned sad. “When he gets in his head, there’s very little that can calm him down again. One thing I’ve learned is to use logic to help him sort through his thoughts. He tries not to show it, but he takes every loss to heart. Every man under his command that dies? That’s a personal failure. I’ve had to talk him off the metaphorical ledge too many times to count. I’ve had to talk him off the physical ledge more times than I’d like to admit.”

“Thank you,” He said quietly. “It... it helped. I do feel more aware, at least.”

“Mhm!” Nie Huaisang lit up. “Of course! I can’t help but with combat, but I have many skills that can be applied elsewhere.”

“We should see if Lan Wangji is finished with his Uncle-” Jiang Cheng began to say only to stop when he saw white robes walking towards them.

“Speak his name and he shall appear...” Nie Huaisang said cryptically from behind his fan.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan immediately went to Wei Wuxian’s side, taking in the other boy’s red eyes and shaking hands. “You’ve been crying...”

“Ah, I’m okay!” He said quickly. “I just got a little overwhelmed.”

“I see,” Lan Zhan hummed. After a moment of silence, he nodded, as if he came to an agreement about something without ever opening his mouth. “Follow me.”

“Wh-where are we going?” Wei Wuxian stumbled over his words as he followed the other boy down the path. Lan Zhan didn’t answer, nor did he slow his pace. Wei Wuxian glanced at the others helplessly and they followed as well.

Lan Zhan led them through winding paths, through archways Wei Wuxian had never seen before. At a certain point, he realized they were being taken deep into the inner area of the Cloud Recesses, where only direct descendants of the Lan Clan were permitted to go. In his first life, he would have been ecstatic to essentially be given permission to go somewhere so sacred, but now it just filled him with anxiety.

Would this have been where he would have been imprisoned, had he gone back to Gusu with Hanguang-Jun? Would this have been his scenic jail, where he would have been left to rot because the Lans didn’t believe in execution?

“We’re here.” Lan Zhan said, making Wei Wuxian jump.

“And where is ‘here’?” Jiang Cheng asked, raising an unamused eyebrow. In front of them was nothing more than a large boulder leaning against the side of a mountain. The only signs that there was something there at all was the way the grass around it had been gently tramped.

Lan Zhan didn’t answer. He turned back to the boulder and tapped the surface in an intricate pattern. Once he was done, the pattern began to glow, revealing a doorway in the face of the rock. Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened - a hidden array! It was genius!

He took a mental note. This time around, if he could figure out a way to replicate the hidden array, he could protect the Wens better. He could hide protection arrays around their makeshift homes. He could hide defense arrays around the perimeter of the Burial Mounds. He could use this to change the outcome-

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan broke his train of thought once again.

“Ah, did you say something?” He chuckled tersely.

“Come.” he hummed, tugging on Wei Wuxian’s sleeve.

The five boys entered the boulder and four gasps of awe echoed through the steam filled air. Just inside the boulder was a bathhouse. It was clearly old, the stonework softened over generations of touch but the water ran hot and clear into deep pools.

The room was large, with three pools of different depths. By each pool was a stone slab. Two of the slabs were bare, but the third was heavy with bathing supplies - towels, soaps, hair oils, brushes, even small ceramic bowls that held what looked like colored clay. There were openings in the ceiling to allow the steam to escape which didn’t make any sense because how did no one notice the steam rising into the air?

“What... is this place?” Wei Wuxian breathed in wonder.

“My ancestors built this,” Lan Zhan replied. “The Cold Springs are to help with healing and cultivation, but these are for relaxation and maintaining a healthy relationship between one’s mind and one’s body.”

“It’s beautiful.” Nie Huaisang sounded awestruck.

“Why did you bring us?” Jin Zixuan asked. “I doubt your Uncle would be happy if he knew outsiders were being allowed to bathe here.”

“My Uncle doesn’t have to know,” Lan Zhan said simply. “I... have a hard time expressing myself. There are things I wish to say but I cannot find the words I need to properly explain. I’ve always found that actions are more effective than words, so I brought you here to show that I... I trust you, and that I wish for you to trust me in turn.”

“Lan Zhan...” Wei Wuxian felt his heart crack, dangerously fond emotions leaking out and soaking into his guts.

“Wei Ying is taking an insurmountable risk, trusting us with this,” Lan Zhan continued, unable to meet anyone’s eye. “Try as I might, I cannot form the words needed to express how much that means to me.”

“We’re honored,” Jiang Cheng said, voice uncharacteristically soft. “We won’t break this trust. We swear it.”

“We do!” Nie Huaisang repeated loudly. “We swear it!”

“I believe you,” Lan Zhan offered them a small smile, stunning the others into silence. “We have some time before anyone will realize we’re gone. We should enjoy the baths while we have the chance.”

“This is the perfect chance to debrief about what happened,” Jiang Cheng hummed, making Wei Wuxian bite back a small smile of his own. Growing up, Jiang Cheng had been so insecure about being able to fill the role of Sect Leader. All the while, he had the mind of a leader from the very beginning. “Wh-why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason!” Wei Wuxian grinned as he began undoing the ties of his robes. “We’ll follow your lead, Sect Leader Jiang.”

“Don’t call me that yet!” Jiang Cheng snapped, but his ears warmed.

Wei Wuxian found himself grinning as they stripped out of their robes, leaving the piles of cloth on one of the empty stone slabs. He hissed under his breath as the heat from the water nearly scalded him but the hiss was quickly turned into a sigh as he slipped his body into the bath fully.

“This is bliss...” He hummed as he let the water lap over his shoulders.

“Nie-xiong, what is it you needed to tell us?” Jiang Cheng wasted no time getting to the meat of the conversation.

“Ah, one of my informants sent a message,” The other boy said, face turning somber as his brows furrowed. “It was encoded, so it doesn’t make the most sense, but he wouldn’t have been able to send a clearer letter.”

“What did it say?” Wei Wuxian found himself asking.

“‘The sun is planning to gather the flowers’,” Nie Huaisang recited. “‘Once made into a bouquet, the flowers will wither’.”

“What does that mean?” Jin Zixuan scowled a little.

“The re-education,” Wei Wuxian suddenly felt freezing, even though he was completely embraced by the warmth of the bath. “It’s about the re-education.”

“How do you know?” Jiang Cheng asked, but it didn’t sound like he doubted his brother’s intuition.

“The sun has to be Wen Rouhan,” He felt goosebumps erupt over the skin not under the water. “The flowers are the heirs to each clan. He’s planning on killing us once we’ve been gathered in Qishan. We-we were never supposed to survive... no wonder he retaliated so horrifically.”

“So he’s been planning this from the start.” Jiang Cheng growled, rage twisting his youthful features.

“I knew the first stages of the war had already begun, but I had no idea he had planned it this far in advance,” Wei Wuxian felt sick to his stomach. “How far out does this plan go? How-how much time do we actually have to change anything?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Lan Zhan hummed, causing Wei Wuxian to fall silent. “No matter how much preparation he may have done, he is not going to win.”

“But-”

“Wei Ying did it once, all on his own,” A small smile graced Lan Zhan’s lips, calming the resentful energy that had been clawing its way up Wei Wuxian’s throat, drawn out by the panic coursing through his system. “It’s only logical that he will be able to accomplish even greater things now that he has support.”

“You-” Wei Wuxian barked out a sound that could have been a laugh or a sob. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you all...”

“We should be the ones saying that.” Lan Zhan’s smile widened just a hair.

“You don’t deserve to be dragged into this,” Wei Wuxian denied instantly. “I never should have-”

“Don’t you dare finish that,” Jiang Cheng cut him off with a glare. “Even the old goat agreed - keeping secrets will only end in disaster. Telling us was probably the smartest thing you could have done, because now we have a chance to save you, too.”

“What do you mean?” Wei Wuxian furrowed his brows.

“Idiot,” His brother sighed, shaking his head before wading over and jabbing a finger into Wei Wuxian’s chest. “I mean, if you had tried to do all of this on your own, you would have happily killed yourself in the process. You would have done everything to save everyone else and let yourself waste away - you never planned on surviving this, did you? Before we came along?”

“I- no,” The admission stung like bile. “I assumed I would be killed in the end, one way or another. My own survival was never a thought.”

“Exactly,” Jiang Cheng’s scowl dropped only to be replaced by something more vulnerable. “You’re the hero of this story, but what’s the point if you don’t get to live long enough to see the world you saved? I have no doubt you could have pulled it off on your own because even though it’s an impossible task, you’ve always excelled in proving people wrong. You would have succeeded, but you wouldn’t have survived. Now... now we have the chance to save you too, so we can all watch the sunrise after the battle ends.”

“J-Jiang Cheng-” Wei Wuxian didn’t mean to cry, but he was just so overwhelmed. He had some idea of how serious the others were in their plan to help him, but hearing his brother make such a genuine speech made him realize how true it was. “But-but what if I can’t save them?”

“You’ve already helped save me,” Jin Zixuan said softly, his words nearly drowned out by the sound of the bubbling water. When Wei Wuxian turned his confused expression towards the older boy, Jin Zixuan couldn’t meet his eye. “From what you said, I was fated to remain an asshole for several more years. I only had a short time of being a better person before I was killed. This time, you gave me a chance to redeem myself. I feel as though I should be thanking you... and apologizing.”

“Apologizing?” Wei Wuxian’s voice was thick with emotion. “Apologizing for what?”

“For being such an asshole,” The older boy said resolutely. “I acted like a spoiled brat because it was what was expected of me, and I never saw a reason to show anyone another side of me because at Koi Tower no one sees me as anything but a spoiled young master. I... I guess I never had anyone I could consider a friend to put me in my place and give me a chance to feel understood.”

“But you’re always surrounded by people.” Nie Huaisang commented.

“Yes, but they’re not friends.”

“But we are?” Wei Wuxian was almost afraid to ask.

“Yeah,” Jin Zixuan shot him a shy smile. “I think you are. And as my friends, I’d like to formally invite you to Koi Tower - it’ll be a good excuse to do some digging around Lanling on whatever the fuck my father has been getting up to. Plus I’ll be able to show you that Lanling has more to it than lavish conferences. There’s a lot of history there, too.”

“We’d be honored to come to Lanling,” Lan Zhan hummed. “It’ll be good for sect relations as well. If we can show the cultivation world that we’ve banded together, they may try to drive us apart but at least the knowledge that we are supporting one another will be spread. They may not pick a fight as easily knowing we have an army behind us.”

“Though I’ll have to make some adjustments to the usual menu,” Jin Zixuan mused more to himself than to the others. “Most of what we serve to guests has meat in it...”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng glanced at him. “Will you finally tell us why you can’t eat meat anymore?”

“I really don’t see how that will help us.” He fought back a sneer.

“It’ll prove you trust us.”

“Jiang-xiong, isn’t that a bit too far?” Nie Huaisang murmured, looking cautiously between the brothers.

“Clearly it’s something that’s upsetting him,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “If he keeps it a secret, it’ll continue to eat away at him. If he tells us, we can help him cope with whatever the fuck happened.”

Wei Wuxian winced when his brother said ‘eat’. He thought he had hidden the unconscious movement only to bow his head in shame when he saw the look on Lan Zhan’s face.

“You don’t have to,” Lan Zhan placed a hand on Wei Wuxian’s arm. “But if you choose to, we will support you regardless of what it is.”

“I...” Wei Wuxian felt sick to his stomach. As much as he loathed to speak it aloud, he knew they were right. He wanted them to trust him, because trust was something he lacked so crucially in his first life. If they trusted him, they might actually succeed.

And this was the first step in that direction.

“When I was in the Burial Mounds...” He closed his eyes, taking a long, shuddering breath. He felt Lan Zhan move closer, but no one spoke. “I was-I was dying. I had lost my core, and Wen Chao had beaten me within an inch of my life before leaving me for dead. I was starving... and I genuinely knew I had hours left at most when...”

He trailed off, his throat swelling as if to prevent him from speaking at all.

“There is no food in the Burial Mounds,” He tried talking around the topic. “Nothing grows naturally, and animals avoid it at all costs... the only things that enter the Burial Mounds are the bodies of those their killers wish to disappear for good.”

“Gods above...” Nie Huaisang gasped in horror, having been the first to connect the dots.

“You-” Jin Zixuan looked green.

“Wei Ying...” Lan Zhan searched Wei Wuxian’s face closely, as if looking for something specific. Wei Wuxian didn’t know if the other boy found it before he was tearing his eyes away to look at the only person who hadn’t spoken yet.

“You went to such lengths... for what?” Jiang Cheng asked, head down. His bangs covered his eyes, so Wei Wuxian wasn’t able to gauge the other boy’s expression.

“To survive,” His voice sounded hollow. “I-I needed to survive because the war needed me. You needed me... you had only just gotten your core back. You were leading what forces YunmangJiang had left all on your own so I needed to escape to help you... so I did the unthinkable in order to survive.”

“And I still betrayed you?” Jiang Cheng’s voice cracked. Head still down, all Wei Wuxian could see was droplets of water hitting the surface of the bath.

“You didn’t know-”

“Stop making excuses for me!” Jiang Cheng screamed, head flying up as his words echoed through the baths. His face was twisted in rage, which was dampened by the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Why!? Why the fuck do you keep making excuses for what I did to you!? I ruined everything!”

“No, you didn’t ruin anything,” Wei Wuxian gave him a sad smile. “I was the one who-”

“Don’t,” Jiang Cheng growled, so livid that Wei Wuxian felt a shiver run down his spine at the sound of it. “Don’t you fucking dare-”

“Thank you, for trusting us,” Nie Huaisang stepped in. He gave Wei Wuxian a warm smile as he moved a little closer. “This is going to be so incredibly difficult for you. We’re going to do our best to support you, but in the end it’ll be up to you. You have every reason not to trust us, but it means everything to us that you do.”

“I’m scared,” If he was going to be honest, he might as well go all the way. “There’s so much riding on this - on me. Thousands upon thousands of lives... the lives of friends, of family, of innocent civilians. If I fail, everyone - everyone, not just cultivators - will suffer a fate worse than death. I-I don’t know if I can do it. I know I don’t have any choice but to succeed, but what if I can’t?”

“Wei Ying...”

“Su She’s death proved to me that-that I may be invincible but not everyone around me is. I thought- I fooled myself into believing that everything would be fine - if someone was hurt, or killed, that my own death could atone for it and they would be fine once more but Su She didn’t survive. Lan Zhan came back when the timeline reset, but Su She didn’t. It- It’s proof that I can’t truly save everyone... I’m going to have to accept that-that I’m going to fail in some aspect... I don’t know how I’ll forgive myself for failing them again.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Nie Huaisang said, tone serious as death. Wei Wuxian jumped at the sudden use of his courtesy name - he couldn’t recall the last time the other boy referred to him as anything other than Wei-xiong. “This is war. We are going to war. People have already died. No amount of planning or knowing the future will be able to save every single life on all sides. That sort of thinking will only result in failure of catastrophic proportions... We have to remember that. People are going to die, but we can prevent a huge number of those deaths as long as we work together. We aren’t going to abandon you if you show unsavory sides of yourself. It doesn’t matter what you did to survive in your first life, and it won’t matter what you have to do to survive in this life.”

“I-I don’t know what to even say to that.” Wei Wuxian scrubbed at his eyes. He wasn’t fully crying, but he could tell he was close. How long had it been since someone believed in him so fully? How long since he had the trust of another, without any caveats or knives pressing into the small of his back, waiting for him to slip up?

“You don’t have to say anything,” Lan Zhan assured him. “Just know that we are being truthful when we promise to help you.”

“That being said, you should probably explain what the fuck happened in Caiyi,” Jiang Cheng said, looking a little ashamed to be breaking up such a tender moment. “You gave us a brief rundown last night, but I doubt Nie Huaisang knows much of what happened after his spy left.”

“He’s right,” Nie Huaisang nodded. “I had no idea something happened to Lan-xiong until you all returned.”

“He died to protect me,” Wei Wuxian spat. “Only for the abyss to kill me immediately after... I don’t know if it was because of the resentful energy or what but it hurt so much worse than all my other deaths - well, all the time loop deaths, at least.”

“Could the resentful energy be the reason the reset time changed?” Jiang Cheng asked, brows furrowed.

“Possibly?” Wei Wuxian wasn’t entirely confident in the theory. “But there wasn’t any resentful energy in class that day, so why would that be the starting point for all of this?”

“Good point,” His brother scowled. “The only real way to test that would be for you to die in another area with a high level of resentful energy and see if it changes again but that’s not going to happen.”

“I should hope not!” Jin Zixuan sounded affronted that Jiang Cheng would even suggest such a thing. “The goal is to keep him from dying, not push him into dying more!”

“Well, it can be our working theory for now,” Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the glare his brother and future brother-in-law were exchanging. “If not for the initial time I woke up, the resentful energy would make sense. We’re just going to have to be careful and pray we don’t get thrown back into time too far.”

“Imagine if we made it all the way to the end of the war just to be sent back to right now,” Nie Huaisang shuddered. “That would be awful.”

“I guess we’ll just have to take on the roles of bodyguard,” Jin Zixuan chuckled. “Form a circle around him anytime we go outside.”

“Taste his food to ensure it’s not poisoned.” Nie Huaisang grinned playfully.

“Stand guard when he sleeps?” Jiang Cheng chimed in, earning a squawk from the boy in question.

“Lan Zhan! Do you hear them?” He turned to Lan Zhan, who was already looking at him with an impossibly fond expression. Wei Wuxian faltered a little at the sight, his eyes widening and his neck burning in a way that had nothing to do with the bath. “I-”

“I will carry you so you won’t even risk tripping.” Lan Zhan hummed softly. There was a beat of silence before everyone started screaming.

“LAN ZHAN!” Wei Wuxian covered his steaming face with his hands.

“Gods above-” Nie Huaisang cackled, slapping the surface of the water.

“Who knew he had a sense of humor like that?” Jin Zixuan had tears in his eyes.

“Imagine Master Qiren’s face,” Jiang Cheng clutched his ribs. “He’d qi deviate immediately! Death by Lan Wangji carrying Wei Wuxian across the Cloud Recesses!”

“All that talk of protecting me and here you are trying to send me to an early grave!” Wei Wuxian lamented. “I’m called shameless but not even I have a thick enough face for this!”

“As if you wouldn’t like it,” Jiang Cheng challenged, wadding forward to grab Wei Wuxian in a headlock. “You are shameless enough to blush like a maiden if Lan Wangji were to toss you up onto his shoulder like a sack of flour.”

“I’d die!” Wei Wuxian struggled, splashing water at the others. They tried to scatter but the bath wasn’t large enough for them to escape the line of fire without physically removing themselves entirely.

“You heard him,” Nie Huaisang cheered, pushing Lan Zhan towards the squabbling brothers. “You just have to throw him over your shoulder~”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian’s head flew up, locking eyes with the boy in question. His lashes were sticking together from the assault of water, his cheeks flushed from the heat and the exertion.

“If it means protecting you, I’d keep you in my arms at all times.” Lan Zhan murmured, making everyone freeze.

“Holy shit...” Jin Zixuan’s eyes widened.

“Why am I blushing?” Nie Huaisang cupped his face with damp, wrinkled hands.

“Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian didn’t even realize Jiang Cheng had released him, too focused on how Lan Zhan was moving closer to him. Lan Zhan stopped right before him, reaching out and capturing a lock of hair. He brought it to his face and Wei Wuxian thought his heart was about to give out. He didn’t look away as he lifted the lock of hair, golden eyes burning into silver with an intensity to stall a man’s heart in his chest.

Just as Lan Zhan was about to press the hair to his lips, a voice called out.

“Wangji?”

A flash of irritation showed on Lan Zhan’s face before it settled into its usual mask of calm. He dropped Wei Wuxian’s hair and turned to the figure now standing at the edge of the bath.

“Brother,” To anyone else, he would have sounded level but Wei Wuxian could hear the edge to his words. “I didn’t expect you to come here.”

“Uncle wishes to speak to you,” Lan Xichen smiled, but it was terse. “I looked for you in all your usual places. It wasn’t until a disciple informed me they saw you walking in this direction that I realized where you had gone... I must say, I didn’t realize how close you had gotten to the others. This isn’t a place our family brings others casually.”

“I trust them.” There was an air of defiance surrounding the Second Jade.

“I see...” Lan Xichen seemed to read something more in his brother’s words. He was silent for a moment before nodding. “I see. I hate to be the one to end your relaxation, but Uncle was quite adamant about speaking to you immediately.”

“I will be out in a moment,” Lan Zhan turned and began walking towards the stone steps that would take him out of the bath. “I will meet you on the walkway-”

“He wishes for Young Master Jiang and Young Master Wei to join you.” Lan Xichen hummed.

“Wh-what?” Wei Wuxian froze.

“He seemed... insistent that you join this conversation.”

“I don’t like that...” Nie Huaisang muttered, moving to stand slightly behind Jin Zixuan’s bare shoulders.

“I...” Wei Wuxian’s stomach twisted. He glanced at Lan Zhan, the dread in his gut only growing when he saw the other boy’s jaw clenched tight.

“Give us a few minutes to dry off,” Jiang Cheng said, his tone telling Lan Xichen that he didn’t have much of a choice but to agree. “We’ll meet you outside.”

“I understand,” Lan Xichen bowed slightly. “I will be waiting.”

He turned and left the baths. No one spoke for a moment, the tension heavy enough to weigh their shoulders down. Wei Wuxian glanced back at Lan Zhan, only to see the other boy was glaring down at the water.

“What do you think Master Qiren wants to speak to us about?” Jiang Cheng asked as he began to leave the bath. The others fell into step behind him, going over to the slab and grabbing a towel to dry themselves off.

“Do you think he figured out that Lan Zhan’s scar is my fault?” Wei Wuxian asked quietly.

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is,” Wei Wuxian snapped before slumping his shoulders. “And Master Qiren is smart enough to figure that out.”

“We won’t know until we speak to him,” Lan Zhan said. “But no matter what, no one will lay a finger on you. I swear it.”

“I suppose we’ll meet back up later?” Jin Zixuan asked awkwardly.

“Ah, you should join me in my quarters, Jin-xiong,” Nie Huaisang smiled sweetly as he fluttered his fan in front of his face. He was already dressed, leaving the others in just their under robes and untied outer robes. “I have a feeling there’s quite a bit we can discuss together.”

“Uh, sure...” Jin Zixuan looked a little like a prey animal facing down the fangs of a wolf.

“Wonderful,” He closed his fan against the palm of his hand. “I’ll be waiting, Jin-xiong~”

Nie Huaisang took the initiative to see himself out of the baths first, leaving the other four to stare after him with a mix of horror and awe.

“How is he terrifying?” Jin Zixuan asked, looking a little pale.

“He hides it well.” Jiang Cheng sounded faint.

“We should go,” Lan Zhan frowned a little. “Uncle will be cross if we make him wait for too long.”

“Time to face the music...” Wei Wuxian took a deep breath, steeling his nerves.

“It’ll be alright.” Lan Zhan promised.

“At least we’ll be there if the old goat decides to pull any unsavory shit,” Jiang Cheng huffed without thinking. “Ah, sorry, Lan Wangji-”

“No need to apologize,” He said, eyes straight ahead as they exited the baths. Lan Xichen was standing a little ways down the path, his arms folded behind his back. “If Uncle tries to harm either of you, I will not hesitate to retaliate.”

“But he’s your Uncle!” Wei Wuxian frowned.

“He is,” Lan Zhan agreed easily. “Which means he should have my wellbeing in mind. If he goes out of his way to harm those I care for, he doesn’t deserve my respect.”

“Wangji,” Lan Xichen saw them approaching. “Shall we?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll catch you guys later...” Jin Zixuan glanced between the others, looking uneasy as he began inching himself away.

“Later” Wei Wuxian agreed before turning back towards Lan Xichen. “We’re ready.”

“Follow me, then.”

Chapter Text

Wei Wuxian feared he was mere moments from throwing up. He knelt by the table in Master Qiren’s personal study, Lan Zhan to his right and Jiang Cheng to his left. Lan Xichen had moved to sit beside his Uncle on the other side of the table and was filling the silence with the quiet sounds of pouring tea into the cups placed before them.

“Wangji has informed me that it was your idea to chase the abyss into a smaller lake,” Lan Qiren broke the silence, addressing both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng. Wei Wuxian tensed, keeping his eyes on his cup. “Xichen has suggested a smaller lake about a quarter of an hour walk from Caiyi. It will take quite a bit of resources and manpower, but it is a doable solution to an otherwise long-term problem. While the lake legally does not belong to anyone, we will be reaching out to the properties that border the lake and inform them of what is going to be done before we begin anything. The letters have already been sent out, but it will be another day or two before we can send a team out to survey the area and another day or so after that before we can begin construction.”

“Depending on how many people we can hire from Caiyi and the surrounding villages, we could potentially have the trenches finished by the end of the month,” Lan Xichen chimed in as he placed the teapot down. “It may take a little finagling to chase the abyss through the trenches, but within the next few weeks the lakes of Caiyi should be safe for merchants to travel again.”

“We will also be able to recover the bodies of those we lost,” Lan Qiren stroked his beard. Wei Wuxian didn’t notice, but the older man’s eyes zeroed in on how the boy flinched at the mention of the deaths. “Unfortunately their bodies will most likely be decomposed to the point where a proper burial would be difficult, but we will be able to lay their remains to rest here in the Cloud Recesses. As painful as it is to lose any lives, the pain of having to send a body back to their home is incomparable. It’s a small mercy, in a sense, that those lost once called the Cloud Recesses home.”

“It’s thanks to you that we have such an efficient solution,” Lan Xichen smiled warmly at them. “GusuLan is in your debt.”

“There’s no need for debts,” Jiang Cheng took the lead. “Anyone would have done the same in our situation.”

“No, they would not have,” Lan Qiren denied instantly. “Most would try to use this as an opportunity to barter for the information they possess. You, on the other hand, offered such vital insight and asked for nothing in return.”

“As long as the people of Caiyi are safe,” Jiang Cheng bowed his head a little. “That’s all we could ever ask for.”

“The people of Caiyi will be safe,” Lan Qiren hummed, gaze sharp as he looked at the three boys before him. “Though it appears there’s another danger lurking right under our noses, here in the Cloud Recesses.”

“Wh-what do you mean?” Wei Wuxian felt ice rush through his veins. He didn’t need to look up to know Lan Qiren was focused on the scar now decorating his nephew’s face.

“It is immoral to brag about oneself,” Lan Qiren began. “Being humble is an essential trait in order to maintain equilibrium between yourself and your spiritual energy... that being said, I have studied many subjects. Never in my years have I come across anything even remotely related to wounds appearing and healing into scars in a matter of moments...”

“Uncle,” Lan Zhan reached out under the table and took Wei Wuxian’s hand. Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened a fraction when he felt how clammy the other boy’s trembling fingers were laced in his own. “We believe the scar was formed due to the resentful energy of-of the abyss.”

“I see...” Lan Qiren stroked his beard again, staring directly at his youngest nephew’s face. Lan Zhan’s own eyes were locked firmly on the table. “Others may not be able to understand you, but I know you, Wangji. Now, will you tell me the truth or will you continue to lie to my face?”

“Uncle,” Lan Zhan’s head flew up in horror. “I-”

“I have never known you to lie to me,” Lan Qiren continued. “It leads me to believe you are covering for something - or someone.”

“I believe Uncle is misunderstanding the situation.” Lan Zhan said stiffly, his fingers nearly crushing Wei Wuxian’s hand.

“Misunderstanding?” Lan Qiren raised a single eyebrow. He turned his heavy gaze onto Wei Wuxian, who shrunk in on himself. “Wei Wuxian... I couldn’t help but note that Wangji’s scar is similar to the one on your throat - a scar that most certainly wasn’t there the other day... care to share how you received such a wound?”

“It’s like Lan Zhan said,” Wei Wuxian said through a quiet, frantic chuckle. He couldn’t meet anyone’s eye, but he found himself relaxing slightly when he felt Jiang Cheng place a comforting hand on his knee under the table. “It-it’s just a theory, though, that the resentful energy can heal wounds.”

“While facing an abyss, the amount of resentful energy present could be enough to potentially heal, as per your ‘theory’,” Lan Qiren frowned. “But here in the Cloud Recesses, it would be impossible to summon any resentful energy, let alone enough to perform such an impossible feat.”

Wei Wuxian felt a retort on the tip of his tongue - yes, the resentful energy within the boundaries of the Cloud Recesses was weak, but it was still present. Wei Wuxian had been able to summon it several times, though always by accident, fueled by rage and fear.

“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren barked. “I will ask you one more time. What do you know?”

“I-I-” Wei Wuxian knew Lan Qiren knew more than he was saying. Any excuse he might try to spin would most likely be called out instantly, resulting in punishment. If he was to be punished, he’d rather it be for something he genuinely did rather than for being caught in something like a lie. Steeling his nerves, he looked up and stared the man down. “It’s my fault.”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng snapped, sitting upright.

“Wei Ying, don’t say anything more.” Lan Zhan ordered, positioning himself between Wei Wuxian and his Uncle as best as he could while still sitting.

“Explain yourself.” Lan Qiren demanded, not moving.

“I used the resentful energy to fight the abyss,” He admitted, eyes burning with resolution. He was the Yiling Laozu - a nightmare that stretched to the farthest corners of the map. He wasn’t about to have his will bent by a simple man. “I had no choice. People were dying... if any of us were going to return alive, I needed to commit the ultimate taboo. I don’t care if you punish me for it - if you imprison me for my ways. I saved their lives - I saved Lan Zhan’s life. I saved Lan Xichen’s life! They would have died if I hadn’t! So go ahead - lock me away somewhere so I cannot hurt anyone with my wicked ways! Just know - I’ll survive. I’ll survive and I’ll continue doing what I must to prevent the deaths that are just over the horizon! Lock me away with talismans and guards and chains, but know I’ll escape to save innocent lives!”

He was panting by the end, having stood up on his knees. At some point he had slammed his hands down on the table, knocking over his cup, spilling steaming tea across the worn wood. He felt four sets of shocked, horrified eyes boring into him but he couldn’t look away from the man before him. Lan Qiren stared back, brows furrowed but eyes wide. His face was mostly blank, other than his mouth which had fallen open a hair.

“Wei Wuxian...” Lan Qiren growled, closing his eyes as his face twisted. Wei Wuxian took a shuddering breath but didn’t stand down. He could feel the resentful energy swirling around him, his core aching like an open wound in his chest as it tried to purify the corrupted yin energy. His eyes burned, telling him they were no longer silver but rather the sickening blood red of the once and future Yiling Laozu.

“Imprison you?” Lan Xichen sounded aghast. “Wh- you saved our lives... it may have been through less than savory methods but...”

“I know all about the Lan’s whims to lock away anything they don’t agree with,” Wei Wuxian snapped, the rage from his first life fueling his ire. “I knew the moment I began down this path, you’d be trying to drag me back but I can’t allow that! Not when I have so much I still need to do.”

“You truly believe we’d imprison you,” It wasn’t a question. Lan Qiren looked at Wei Wuxian, searching deep in the boy’s face for answers to questions he hadn’t vocalized. “I believe you are right Wangji - there has been a misunderstanding.”

“Young Master Wei,” Lan Xichen asked, eyes slightly glassy. “Do you... know anything of Wangji and I’s parents?”

“Not much...” Wei Wuxian slowly sat back down, rage giving way to unease. “Just that Madam Lan passed several years ago, and that Sect Leader Lan has been in seclusion ever since.”

“That’s... true,” The older boy sighed. “But the truth isn’t as straight forward.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren said, his voice much calmer. “Do you know the legends of how Lan’s fall in love?”

“No?” Wei Wuxian’s brow furrowed. “I don’t see how that’s relevant.”

“When a Lan falls in love, it happens only once in their life, and it happens with the strength of the heavens itself,” Lan Qiren explained. “A Lan will only love once in their life, and they will devote everything to their partner - there will be nothing that can keep them from their fated one... my brother fell in love, many years ago. The truth of the situation is... unclear, even to this day. My brother refused to speak of it when it happened. What the clan was told was that Madam Lan killed her teacher. Was it in self-defense? Was it in anger? We cannot say, but the damage had been done. She was to be whipped and exiled but my brother couldn’t bear to lose her. He threatened to defect from the clan entirely, but he was the Sect Leader... we couldn’t lose our leader, so the elders imparted a gentler sentence. They had a private wedding ceremony before they put her into indefinite seclusion, only allowing visitors once a month.”

Wei Wuxian listened with rapt attention. Without meaning to, he glanced over to Lan Zhan, who was staring down at the table. His face was pinched, his hands fisted in his robes to the point where his knuckles were as white as the cloth he wore.

“My brother was overcome with grief and guilt,” Lan Qiren continued solemnly. “He willingly entered seclusion as well. When she... passed, he stopped taking any visitors. He is still punishing himself for everything.”

“What Uncle is trying to say is that we would never imprison someone for risking their very souls in order to save the lives of others,” Lan Xichen murmured. “We’ve tried using a life-long seclusion to reform and have seen the errors of our ways.”

“I believe I have misunderstood you, Wei Wuxian,” Lan Qiren said, making the boy in question flinch. “You brought up resentful energy several times in my class, and I assumed you simply wished to see me get upset... but you had a good reason, didn’t you? I began to reevaluate your questions after you apologized for leaving class so abruptly, but this whole situation has opened my eyes.”

“If someone was using resentful energy because they had to, but no one knew why...” Wei Wuxian was beginning to connect dangerous dots. “Why would you want to bring them back to Gusu?”
Lan Zhan sucked in a sharp breath, one that wasn’t unnoticed by his brother and Uncle.

“In this situation...” Lan Qiren hummed, stroking his beard in thought. “I would say it would be to protect them. Clearly something isn’t right, and if they are being persecuted by the cultivation world, they would need a safe haven to be reformed. By keeping them in Gusu, not only would it be protecting the cultivation world, it would also be protecting the individual. Here, the person would be able to find peace, and therefore calm the resentful energy.”

“To-to protect-?” Wei Wuxian didn't understand.

Lan Zhan had never been trying to imprison him... but protect him? It didn’t make sense! Hanguang-Jun despised the Yiling Laozu - it was a fact that everyone knew. The Light-Bearing Lord was cold and unapproachable at the best of times, but whenever Wei Wuxian was present it was like a blizzard. Wei Wuxian never hated Lan Wangji, but he had been far too familiar with the look of hatred on the faces of others - especially when it was directed towards him.

So it was obvious that Hanguang-Jun despised the Yiling Laozu with every fiber of his being.

Or did he?

Or did he hate the situation Wei Wuxian found himself in? Or did he hate how the world treated Wei Wuxian despite having given everything for the sake of the war? Or did he hate that he didn’t recognize the boy that had pestered him relentlessly - that he didn’t recognize the red eyes and the gaunt cheeks and the sneer that had once been silver and peeling laughter?

“I do still have a question for you,” Lan Qiren either didn’t notice Wei Wuxian’s internal turmoil or he was being kind enough to not mention it. “How is it that you came to know so much about something like the abyss? Even our library has very little information on such a creature.”

“Yunmeng is a water-based area,” Jiang Cheng stepped in, tone even and strong. The sound of his strength was enough to give Wei Wuxian enough confidence to look over at Lan Zhan. The other boy was already looking at him, offering him a small smile as he reached back out and took Wei Wuxian’s hand once more. “Our education was heavily based on aquatic creatures and spirits. Because we have a lot of marshes around Yunmeng, especially in the dry seasons, there's a high drowning rate. Water ghouls are somewhat common, but the possibility of something like a waterborne abyss isn’t completely incomprehensible, so we’re given basic education on those as well. We aren’t taught much, but we are taught the methods to subdue and eradicate them.”

“I see...” Lan Qiren hummed.

“What confused us the most was how an abyss appeared in Caiyi of all places,” Jiang Cheng continued casually. “The lakes around Caiyi don’t experience dry seasons the way the lakes around Yunmeng do, so an abyss wasn’t something that crossed our minds at first. There’s no logical way for an abyss to form naturally in Caiyi.”

“What are you saying?” Lan Qiren’s brow furrowed.

“While we were musing the idea that it could possibly be something other than water ghouls, we were looking at maps of the nearby areas,” Jiang Cheng explained. If Wei Wuxian didn’t know that it was all a barefaced lie, he would have believed the younger boy in a heartbeat. Jiang Cheng sounded so confident - once again, his potential for leadership was showing through, even at such a young age. “What I did notice, however, was the rivers that feed into the Caiyi lakes... May I be frank, Master Qiren?”

“Please do.” Lan Qiren lifted his chin, folding his hands in his lap. Jiang Cheng nodded but instead of continuing, he turned and nodded to Lan Zhan, who nodded back. Lan Zhan dropped Wei Wuxian’s hand and stood before going over to the door of the study. He pulled a talisman from his sleeve and drew a few characters on it before attaching it to the frame and activating it.

“It’s secure.” Lan Zhan murmured as he took his place beside Wei Wuxian once more.

“Right,” Jiang Cheng cleared his throat. “Qishan is mostly rocky in terrain. There is little natural vegetation that grows without the aid of humans, and there are few bodies of water. It would be very easy for someone to drown in the river... it would be even easier for the Wens to chase the abyss down the river to Caiyi.”

“What you are suggesting is nothing short of treason,” Lan Qiren said, tone serious as he stared Jiang Cheng down. “Are you certain of your accusations?”

“Master Qiren, I believe there has been another misunderstanding,” Jiang Cheng bowed his head a fraction. “I am not accusing anyone of anything in particular. I am simply pointing out the coincidence that an abyss would never form in Caiyi, but could very well form in Qishen. It is also a coincidence and nothing more that Wen Rouhan has been breathing down the necks of the major clans while erasing smaller clans from the map - truly, it’s nothing more than a coincidence that something as dire as a waterborne abyss appeared so close to Gusu.”

“I see,” Lan Qiren lifted his teacup, taking a sip of the now room temperature tea. “You are correct, Young Master Jiang. Those are an unfortunate series of coincidences.”

“And it’s not just a vague observation either,” Jiang Cheng felt emboldened hearing the man’s acceptance of his argument. “There are villages just on the Qishen side of the border that have been all but abandoned by Wen Rouhan. They’ve begun turning to YunmengJiang for aid, but we have to go under the cover of night to help. Father has received a single letter from Wen Rouhan, not so politely asking him to leave Qishan’s territories to the Wens, but the Wens couldn’t give less of a shit about the common people on the border!”

“Master Qiren,” Wei Wuxian finally spoke up. “What I say might be... dangerous, but I say it with complete sincerity. I only wish to save lives...”

“You may speak.” Lan Qiren hummed, turning his attention to him.

“While he hasn’t necessarily been quiet about it, sending the abyss to Caiyi is a direct call for war,” Wei Wuxian said. By the way Lan Qiren didn’t even blink, Wei Wuxian realized the man was already aware, to some extent. “And if QishanWen is to declare war on GusuLan, it’s only a matter of time before they declare war on the entire cultivation world and a war of such magnitude would be devastating.”

“Master Qiren,” Jiang Cheng spoke up. “I understand that all of this is simply conjecture, but might I make a suggestion?”

“Proceed.”

“Perhaps you could pay a visit to the Unclean Realm,” He fiddled with the cup in his hands but looked at Lan Qiren with confidence. “Written correspondence is too easily compromised, but I think speaking to Sect Leader Nie might be beneficial.”

“Nie Mingjue?” Lan Qiren asked, regarding the boy with a raised eyebrow.

“His father was killed by Wen Rouhan,” Jiang Cheng pointed out. “While Sect Leader Nie can be a little... brash, sometimes, he might have more coincidences to add.”

“I see,” Lan Qiren hummed. “It has been some time since GusuLan has paid our friends a visit. Xichen?”

“Yes, Uncle?” Lan Xichen spoke up, looking a little pale.

“We should discuss a trip,” He nodded. “I know you and Nie Mingjue are close. It wouldn’t raise suspicion if you were to take some time to travel to Qinghe. Besides, I know you’ve been wanting to visit for a while now.”

“I will make preparations immediately.”

“Now you three...” Lan Qiren turned his attention back to them. Wei Wuxian froze in place, not sure what to expect. This conversation had gone wildly different from anything he might have predicted, so anything could come from the man’s mouth. “You must be careful. You must not speak of this to anyone outside of this room. Lives are at stake. Do you understand?”

“Of course, Uncle,” Lan Zhan hummed. “We understand the utmost importance of silence.”

“Good,” Lan Qiren nodded. “Go. Wangji, I may be calling on you soon to discuss this more in private. For the time being, Xichen and I will plan for travel.”

“Goodnight, Uncle.” Lan Zhan stood, bowing to his Uncle. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng followed suit, bowing low to the man.

“Goodnight, Master Qiren.” The brother chimed. They hesitated for a moment, but Lan Zhan took the initiative to walk towards the door. He tugged the paper from the frame, a spark of qi erupting from it as he disarmed the silencing talisman.

They walked in silence through the Cloud Recesses, no one knowing what to say.

“Do you think the Peacock is still with Nie-xiong?” Jiang Cheng asked suddenly.

“There’s a chance,” Lan Zhan murmured. “Nie-xiong is quite skilled with words. If he had something to speak to Jin-xiong about, there’s a high possibility that they are still speaking.”

“I guess that’s our next destination.” Wei Wuxian tried to sound chipper. It was only somewhat hollow sounding. Jiang Cheng scoffed softly, shooting his brother an exasperated look. Lan Zhan simply hummed, smiling softly.

While it wasn’t quite curfew, it wasn’t exactly looked upon favorably for disciples to wander the grounds of the Cloud Recesses without purpose, though their trio most certainly did have a purpose. It was discouraged to spend free time in their rooms, encouraged to go to the library or study groups instead.

“I can’t hear anything,” Jiang Cheng said, all but putting his ear against the door. “Do you think they went to sleep already?”

“Not a chance,” Wei Wuxian shook his head. “One thing I know about Nie Huaisang is that he never actually goes to bed before morning, despite the hours of curfew.”

“No wonder he always looks so exhausted,” Jiang Cheng commented dryly. “If I was only getting four or five hours of sleep at most, I’d be failing classes too.”

“They must be using a silencing talisman,” Lan Zhan said. “I can feel someone’s spiritual energy lingering on the door.”

“I wonder if it’s a two way talisman,” Wei Wuxian stepped closer, raising his hand to knock. “Duel way talismans are easier to make since it blocks out all sound both from inside and outside, but a one way talisman would be safer because you’d be able to hear people coming-”

He was cut off by the door slamming open, an unamused Nie Huaisang standing in the opening. He was in his usual attire, but his hair was hanging loosely around his shoulder and his feet bare on the smooth wooden floors.

“It’s a one way talisman,” He raised a single eyebrow. “We could hear you coming from a hundred paces away. How can you possibly be so loud?”

“It’s a talent,” Wei Wuxian chuckled. Nie Huaisang shook his head but stepped aside for them to enter the room. “So, what have you been getting up to? Did you miss us terribly?”

“So terribly,” Jin Zixuan said dryly, not having gotten up from the table. There was a pot of steaming tea and a plate of half-eaten snacks, a single cushion across from him. Clearly they weren’t expecting their missing friends to appear so suddenly. “I nearly died from the loss.”

“Sarcasm isn’t cute,” Wei Wuxian waggled his finger in Jin Zixuan’s direction, earning a scathing glare as the older boy took a sip of his tea. “But seriously - did we miss anything?”

“Jin-xiong and I have been discussing what to do from here,” Nie Huaisang hummed as he pulled two more cushions from the chest at the foot of the bed. “Ah, sorry... I don’t have enough pillows.”

“It’s fine,” Lan Zhan assured him. Before Wei Wuxian could wonder what he meant, he found himself being pulled down. Losing his balance, he was at the mercy of gravity only to find himself falling onto something warm and soft rather than cold and unforgiving, like he had expected. “Is this alright?”

“L-Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian flushed bright red but didn’t try to move from where he was now perched on the other boy’s lap. “How forward...”

“I said I would carry you, did I not?” Lan Zhan asked casually. If it weren’t for the fact that his ears were bright red, he might have seemed as calm as genuine jade.

“Anyway,” Nie Huaisang fluttered his fan in front of his face, purposely not covering the shit-eating grin he was shooting towards Wei Wuxian. “Jin-xiong and I came up with a plan of sorts.”

“An outline of a plan, at least.” Jin Zixuan amended.

“I’m to send some of my men to Lanling, where Jin-xiong will vouch for them and give them positions within Koi Tower. That way we have eyes on Jin Guangshan at all times. It will also give Jin-xiong a little extra protection should things go wrong.”

“That’s smart,” Jiang Cheng nodded. “Is it possible to send your men to Lotus Pier as well? The more allies we have, the better our chances.”

“I can try, but we’d have to come up with a much more believable backstory,” Nie Huaisang hummed. “Sect Leader Jin isn’t the most hands on when it comes to Koi tower, so sneaking some new servants into Lanling will be easy. Lotus Pier, on the other hand...”

“Mother and Father are more aware of what goes on in their home,” Jiang Cheng scowled a little. “New servants or disciples that haven’t passed the proper tests would be scented out immediately.”

“We can figure something out,” Wei Wuxian said. “I agree - having more allies will make things easier. If we can possibly get someone in with the disciples, it could potentially help when it comes time to prepare for the Wen forces to attack. They might be hesitant to agree, but as soon as one person backs us, there’s a higher chance that the others will follow suit.”

“How long do we have before things really get bad?” Jin Zixuan asked.

“Well... originally I got sent home about two weeks from this point,” Wei Wuxian’s brow furrowed a little as he thought. “I fell back into my head disciple duties for the rest of the year until Jiang Cheng finished his studies here and returned. The Qishan discussion conference happened half a year later, but things began going wrong quickly after that. The Cloud Recesses burned shortly after in retaliation for Lan Zhan and Zewu-Jun sweeping the floor at the archery competition. After that, we were immediately brought into the re-education.”

“Zewu-Jun?” Lan Zhan questioned.

“Oh, your brother,” Wei Wuxian blinked, shocked he had slipped up. It had been so long since he used anyone’s post-war titles. He hadn’t even realized what he had said until he was asked.

“After the war, you’re both given titles. He was Zewu-Jun, and you were Hanguang-Jun.”

“The Light Bearing Lord,” Nie Huaisang breathed in awe. “It’s very fitting.”

“Why did you get sent home?” Jin Zixuan frowned. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of the Lans kicking someone out unless they did something egregious.”

“Ah, I punched you in the face!” Wei Wuxian chirped happily, hand subconsciously coming up to pick at his bottom lip. “You were bad mouthing my shijie in front of all your friends and I lost my temper.”

“What else happened?” Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You’re doing the thing with your lip again,” His brother pointed out, forcing Wei Wuxian to drop his hand to his lap. “So that tells me you’re only giving us part of the story.”

“The details aren’t important.” Wei Wuxian waved off Jiang Cheng’s pointed glare.

“Wei Ying...”

“Fine,” He huffed, crossing his arms. “I was mad, sure, but I wasn’t about to punch you completely unprompted. As much as I acted out, I still always remembered where I came from, you know? I’d tease and slack off, but I’d never start a fist fight in the middle of the Cloud Recesses without a good cause!”

“Defending your shijie sounds like a pretty good cause.” Nie Huaisang chimed in.

“But there’s more to it.” Jiang Cheng accused.

“We were both getting heated,” He admitted. “I saw you out of the corner of my eye and I knew if I didn’t do something stupid, you’d do something even more stupid - so I pushed in front of you and punched him before you had the chance to.”

“Why would you do that?” Jin Zixuan sounded more scandalized that Wei Wuxian would punch him just so Jiang Cheng couldn’t than over being punched in the first place.

“Jiang Cheng is the heir,” Wei Wuxian explained casually. “His status holds more weight. If it got out that he was expelled from lectures for fighting, not only would he suffer, but all of Lotus Pier would suffer. If I got expelled, people would just roll their eyes and whisper how unfortunate it was that the Jiangs picked me up in the first place. It was an easy decision - one I’ve made many times before.”

“What... do you mean?” Jiang Cheng asked, voice dangerously low. Wei Wuxian sighed, not feeling up to having this conversation but knowing he couldn’t avoid it.

“Let’s just say there’s a reason you never really got punished as a child,” Wei Wuxian looked away, scratching the side of his nose. “The easiest way to do damage control is to just... take the blame. It kept you out of trouble and your reputation clean - well, clean-ish.”

“I need to take a walk.” Jiang Cheng stood abruptly and stormed out of the room without giving anyone a chance to speak. Slamming the door behind him, he left a suffocating silence behind.

“He’ll come back when he’s calmed down,” Lan Zhan said gently. “He is simply upset that you put yourself in danger on his behalf.”

“I couldn’t let him get in trouble,” Wei Wuxian looked away. “Besides... he’d kill me if he heard me say this, but I have more of an... easier time when it comes to punishments. I grew up an orphan on the streets before Uncle Fengmian found me. Forced to run laps? Being sent to bed without dinner? Even getting whipped... they’re nothing compared to what I went through as a child, so I knew I would be able to handle it. Jiang Cheng... he acts scary, but inside he’s soft. It’s not a bad thing! But it means the punishments that rolled off my back would have left massive marks on his mind. It was an easy decision to make.”

“It seems that was the only decision you made, over and over, during the war,” Nie Huaisang pointed out solemnly. “You faced everyone, accepted their hate and viscera, to protect him, didn’t you? All the pain you went through... was for his sake?”

“I-I had other motivations,” Wei Wuxian couldn’t deny the claim fully. “I wanted our side to win the war, so I did what was necessary to ensure our victory. I didn’t want to see innocents suffering, so I went against the cultivation world.”

“Did you ever do anything for your own sake? Even once?”

Wei Wuxian sucked in a sharp breath. He racked his brain but... he didn’t know if he had an answer for Nie Huaisang. It was a jarring realization, finally coming to terms that he never once did anything for himself and things still ended up the way they did.

“I did what needed to be done,” He eventually choked out. “That’s all.”

“Fill us in on what happened with Master Qiren,” Jin Zixuan said abruptly. He was looking at Wei Wuxian with a painful kind of understanding in his eye. It made Wei Wuxian want to squirm away from the expression. “Did he say anything important to our mission?”

By the time Wei Wuxian finished retelling what happened after parting ways at the bath, Jiang Cheng had returned. He slipped into the room silently, retaking his spot by the table without a word. He remained silent as Wei Wuxian finished his story.

“We need to be sent home,” Jiang Cheng said once he was sure Wei Wuxian was finished. “And soon.”

“How?” Wei Wuxian asked in return.

“Why?” Nie Huaisang frowned.

“The sooner we’re back in Lotus Pier, the sooner we can begin prepping for the war,” Jiang Cheng explained. “While I was... clearing my head, I was formulating different ways to make more borders and implement better sword forms into the disciple training - but we can’t do any of that from the Cloud Recesses.”

“I have an idea, but I already don’t know if I want to say it.” Jin Zixuan curled his shoulders up a hair.

“What’s your plan?” Wei Wuxian turned his attention to the older boy.

“Well...”

Wei Wuxian hummed a soft, unnamed melody as he walked down the path. It had been a few days since they had returned from Caiyi and it was time to enact Jin Zixuan’s plan. He wasn’t sure it would play out the way they wanted, but it would work well enough for their purposes, he supposed.

The night before had been tough, packing his things and saying silent goodbyes. Lan Zhan had practically been attached to his hip, barely letting him go more than a pace or two away before he was back at his side. Even if he didn’t say anything, Wei Wuxian could tell Lan Zhan wasn’t happy with the plan.

“You ready?” He asked as he walked up to Jiang Cheng, who was waiting for him by a large tree.

“As I’ll ever be,” He sighed, rolling his shoulder to loosen the joint. “At least we know it’ll work in some capacity already.”

“Small comforts.” He said dryly as they continued down the path. They had a destination in mind - the foreyard in front of the lecture hall. As they rounded the corner, they saw a small crowd already forming there.

“Which girl do you think is best?” A random voice asked. Wei Wuxian felt himself bristling at the comment, even though he knew it was part of the plan.

“I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.” Jin Zixuan’s response drifted over to the two approaching boys.

“What’s wrong? Do you have your eye on someone?”

“Idiot!” A third boy hissed, smacking his friend’s arm. “Young Master Jin is already betrothed!”

“Really? She must be quite impressive to be betrothed to the heir of the Jin clan!”

“Impressive?” Jin Zixuan scoffed. Wei Wuxian had to hand it to him - Jin Zixuan’s ability to act was what was impressive in this scenario. Even if it was acting the part of an arrogant asshole, it was still quite the skill. “What’s impressive about her?”

“Peacock!” Wei Wuxian called now that he was in place. “What’s so bad about my Shijie, huh?”

“He’s betrothed to Jiang Yanli?” Someone whispered in horror. The crowd collectively took a step back, leaving a ring around Wei Wuxian, Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan. Wei Wuxian locked eyes with the older boy and nodded. Jin Zixuan nodded back, the line of his brow furrowed and jaw tight.

“What? Nothing to say now that we’re here?” Jiang Cheng growled.

“What’s where to say?” Jin Zixuan crossed his arms. “That I never asked to be married to someone I’ve never met? I don’t think it’s too outrageous of me to admit.”

Wei Wuxian noticed how Jin Zixuan was purposely avoiding saying anything that would be read as insulting towards Jiang Yanli. He wondered if Jin Zixuan even realized he was doing it, or if it was subconscious after everything he had learned of his betrothed over the last few days.

“You should be grateful for the chance to be with her,” Jiang Cheng cracked his knuckles. “She’s too good for you.”

“Too good for me?” Jin Zixuan drew himself up taller. “How dare you say such a thing!”

“She deserves someone who will love her unconditionally,” Wei Wuxian stared Jin Zixuan in the eye. A flicker of recognition lit up in the older boy’s expression - good, Wei Wuxian though to himself. Sure it was all an act, but he still wanted to drive home what Jin Zixuan needed to do to earn Jiang Yanli’s hand in marriage. “She deserves so much more than a betrothal to a man who doesn’t respect her.”

“Insolent little brat!” Jin Zixuan snarled, reeling his arm back. Wei Wuxian knew it was coming, but the blow to his jaw still made his ears ring. He regained his balance quickly and threw a punch of his own.

It had been Nie Huaisang’s suggestion to fight for real. He said a lack of wounds would be suspicious, leaving a higher possibility of their plan failing. Last time, only Wei Wuxian had been sent home. If everything went according to plan, all three of them would have a chance to plan for the war in the comfort of their homes.

Jiang Cheng joined the fray and Wei Wuxian lost track of which fist came from who’s arm. He might have punched Jiang Cheng at one point, but he wasn’t sure. Eventually, bystanders decided to step in and tried prying him away from Jin Zixuan.

The next thing he knew, Wei Wuxian was kneeling in the courtyard. He was staring at the ground, one hand rubbing the smarting bruise that now decorated his cheek. Beside him, Jiang Cheng was also kneeling, dried blood still staining his upper lip. They could hear the teachers speaking about them, and they both tensed then Jiang Fengmian’s name was brought up.

“Wei Ying.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian brightened when familiar white robes entered his field of vision. “You better be careful. We don’t want you getting in trouble if you’re seen talking to us during our punishment.”

“I needed to say goodbye properly,” Lan Zhan’s voice was thick with emotion. So much so that even Jiang Cheng’s head flew up in shock. “I... don’t know how long it’ll be before I see you again. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if you left before I could see you off.”

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian’s eyes burned. “It’s not forever... it’s just for a few months. Besides, the Peacock gave all of us those Jin butterflies. It’s not like I won’t be able to hear your voice for the whole time we’re apart.”

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan’s face softened. He glanced around before kneeling before Wei Wuxian. He cupped his face, channeling his spiritual energy into the bruise. “I better not see any new scars on you next time we meet. Am I understood?”

“Y-yeah,” Wei Wuxian’s voice cracked. He could feel the pain in his cheek fading and nearly whimpered in disappointment when Lan Zhan pulled his touch away. “I’ll be careful, Lan Zhan. I promise. I have too much to live for this time. I’m not going to risk all of that for something stupid.”

“Good,” It looked like Lan Zhan wanted to say something else, but he stopped himself with great effort. “You don’t have to rely on the butterflies alone. Please write to me as well. I will be looking forward to hearing from you.”

“Thank you, Lan Zhan,” His throat felt tight. “For trusting me... I think we’re going to succeed. I-I really think we can do this.”

“As do I,” Lan Zhan gave him a warm, private smile. Taking Wei Wuxian’s hand in his own, Lan Zhan pressed a chaste kiss to the back of it before standing. “Behave, Wei Ying.”

“I’ll do my best,” Wei Wuxian grinned brightly. “I can’t promise though!”

“I wouldn’t ask you to,” Lan Zhan huffed a near silent chuckle before going over to where Jiang Cheng was kneeling. He quickly healed his wounds as well, leaving just enough bruising to be seen but stopping most of the pain. “Take care of him.”

“I will,” Jiang Cheng swore. “I won’t let anything happen to him.”

This time, the unfinished half of the promise hung heavy in the air.

“Mhm.” Lan Zhan nodded. With one last glance towards Wei Wuxian, the Second Jade swept from the courtyard just as another set of steps filled the air. Wei Wuxian didn’t have to look to know who it was, and the knowledge made his blood turn to ice.

“Father...” Jiang Cheng glanced over his shoulder, neither his face nor his tone betraying what he was feeling internally.

“A-Cheng,” Jiang Fengmian hummed. “I expected this sort of behavior from A-Xian, but never from you.”

“I... I apologize, Father,” Jiang Cheng said through gritted teeth. “I won’t do something so unsightly again.”

“I believe you,” Jiang Fengmian nodded before turning to Wei Wuxian. “Come. We’re going back to Lotus Pier.”

“Yes, Uncle,” Wei Wuxian kept his head down. “Jiang Cheng and I will collect our things-”

“A-Cheng will be staying.” Jiang Fengmian cut him off, causing both boys to fully turn and gawk at him.

“But-”

“You are the Jiang sect heir,” He turned his infuriatingly calm expression towards his son. “It is your blood right to get an education in the Cloud Recesses. You will stay to finish your lectures and return at the end of the year.”

“But Father-”

“Pack your things quickly, A-Xian,” He turned back to Wei Wuxian. “We’ll be departing as soon as you’re prepared. If you cannot behave yourself, there’s no purpose in you staying any longer. Whatever you still need to know to help A-Cheng lead the sect can be learned in Lotus Pier.”

“Y-yes, Uncle.” Wei Wuxian could hear the blood rushing through his ears. This wasn’t part of the plan!

“Meet me by the front gates when you are ready.” Jiang Fengmian said before turning and walking away, not sparing either boy a second glance.

“Has he always spoken to you like that?” Jiang Cheng whispered.

Wei Wuxian didn’t respond, which in itself was enough of an answer. Jiang Cheng growled under his breath, his fingers digging into the fabric of his robes.

“I’ll send a butterfly as soon as I’m alone,” Wei Wuxian swore. “Even if this wasn’t exactly the plan, we can make it work. Take the rest of the lectures to do research. The Library Pavilion has resources found nowhere else in the world.”

“I’ll keep you updated if we come across anything.” Jiang Cheng’s jaw tightened.

“It’ll be okay,” Wei Wuxian promised. “There’s still the second half of the plan, remember? Imagine how amusing it’ll be to see the Peacock so out of his comfort zone.”

“Pfft-” Jiang Cheng laughed without meaning to. “He’s going to be so awkward... I guess I’ll just have to bide my time until I am rewarded with such a sight.”

“Play nice when I’m gone.” Wei Wuxian shot him a cheeky grin.

“But not too nice, right?” Jiang Cheng returned his own lopsided smirk. “Wouldn’t be too good for you if I stole a certain someone right from under your nose, would it?”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Wei Wuxian squeaked, the back of his neck burning brightly. Jiang Cheng’s smirk just grew wider. Instead of responding, Wei Wuxian gave into his brotherly instincts and stuck his tongue out. While Jiang Cheng was frozen in shock, he took his opportunity to head towards his room.

Before he could get there, he saw a familiar face on the path.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked with a slightly apologetic smile.

“Better after Lan-xiong healed me up a little,” Jin Zixuan shrugged a little. He had gotten the worst of it, with a black eye and a swollen, split lip. Wei Wuxian thought he looked lopsided, but he’d never voice that. “How did the plan go?”

“Not great,” Wei Wuxian looked away, the smile playing on his lips disappearing. “I’m the only one being sent home again... I’m leaving it up to you and the others to come up with some foolproof plans, okay?”

“We won’t let you down,” Jin Zixuan swore with a serious nod. “Keep in touch. We’ll send you updates when we can.”

“Be careful,” Wei Wuxian warned him. “The Cloud Recesses is safe for now, but take precaution when sending letters. We don’t want information falling into the wrong hands.”

“Nie-xiong has been very diligent in his tutoring of his code language,” Jin Zixuan said dryly. “If anyone comes across our letters, it’ll be absolute gibberish.”

“Good thing I have my key with me,” Wei Wuxian sighed. “I’d never be able to memorize all that so soon.”

“Don’t you already have it mostly memorized?”

“Not entirely though.”

“You’re impossible...” Jin Zixuan shook his head with an amused huff.

“Hey... can you do me a favor?” Wei Wuxian asked softly.

“Of course.” Jin Zixuan looked up at him, eyes wide and genuine.

“Take care of Jiang Cheng? He’s going to pretend he’s fine but being apart like this is going to be hard on him,” Wei Wuxian swallowed around the knot in his throat. “Especially now that we’re all involved in... well, everything. Just keep an eye out for him. He’s going to get snappish and try to isolate himself. Keep him focused on a task and he should be okay.”

“I promise,” Jin Zixuan swore reverently. “I-I know I’m probably not your first choice for something like this but I promise I’ll take care of him. I know how important he is to you, and that you wouldn’t give his safety to someone you didn’t trust.”

“We’ll see eachother soon,” Wei Wuxian placed a hand on the older boy’s arm. “The second part of the plan is still in motion, right?”

“Mhm, I’ve already drafted the letter,” Jin Zixuan offered Wei Wuxian a warm smile. “As soon as I get word, I’ll get the plan rolling. You’ll hear about it as soon as it happens, I’m assuming.”

“Good,” Wei Wuxian moved to leave before turning back. “Take care of yourself too.”

“Huh?”

“I’ve put you in grave danger by bringing you into this whole mess,” The weight in his gut seemed to grow. “If anything happens from here on out, all fingers will rightfully be pointed at me. I... I want you to be happy. I want you and my Shijie and little A-Ling to have the life you deserve, so I need you to stay safe and take care of yourself.”

“I will,” He nodded vigorously. “I... I want to meet her properly and-and I want to meet my son... I want to hold him more than anything in this world. I always promised myself I would be everything my father wasn’t, and this time I’m going to make good on that promise.”

“Mhm!” Wei Wuxian grinned. “And we’ll be there to make sure you make it there.”

“Go,” Jin Zixuan’s ears burned red. “If you make Sect Leader Jiang wait too much longer, you’re going to be in even more trouble.”

“Good thing we packed all of our belongings last night,” Wei Wuxian shrugged. “But you’re right. I’ll be off then!”

“Good luck, Wei Wuxian.” Jin Zixuan waved as Wei Wuxian jogged away.

Chapter Text

“How were lectures?”

“Before I got kicked out?” Wei Wuxian didn’t look up from the water. He knew, without glancing behind him, that Jiang Fengmian was facing the opposite direction.

“Of course.”

“They were fine,” Wei Wuxian scowled, knowing the man wouldn’t see it. “Made some friends, wrote some essays. Fought a waterborne abyss. Spent some time in the Library Pavilion with Lan Zhan.”

“That’s nice,” Jiang Fengmian hummed and Wei Wuxian didn’t bother fighting the urge to roll his eyes. Clearly the man wasn’t listening to anything he was saying. “I heard Lan Wangji is quite the intellectual. I bet you had some interesting conversations.”

“Mhm, you could say that...” Wei Wuxian trailed off, pretending the irritation he felt towards his guardian wasn’t making the resentful energy that lingered in his meridians lift its head like an animal smelling food.

“I must warn you to be on your best behavior once we return,” Jiang Fengmian said calmly. Wei Wuxian could hear the docks of Yunping before he could see them, the sounds of merchants calling out their wares and people laughing and shouting filling the air. “My Lady was in quite a mood when we received word of what happened. I would recommend not doing anything to upset her further.”

“Just being alive upsets her,” Wei Wuxian said without thinking. “The only way I could please her is to vanish entirely.”

Jiang Fengmian made a sound, as if he wanted to deny it, but ultimately remained silent. Wei Wuxian felt the resentful energy spike but he managed to shove it down just as the docks came into sight.

There, a lone figure waited at the end of the pier. Wei Wuxian’s body moved before he even realized what he was doing, leaping from the bow of the boat and slamming down onto the wood. His foot slipped, arms spinning in the air in a desperate attempt to keep his balance only to feel a soft hand grab his wrist.

“A-Xian,” Jiang Yanli giggled as he tugged him onto the dock properly. “Were you so eager to greet me that you’d throw yourself into the lake?”

“Shijie...” He stared at her as if she were a God come to earth. She was more beautiful than he remembered, the last hints of youth still clinging to her cheeks. She smiled brightly at him, forcing him to lean down so she could pet the top of his head.

“You’ve grown!” She cried in faux anger. “How dare you!”

“I can’t help it,” He smiled, trying to hide the way his chest was shattering into a thousand pieces at the sound of her laughter. “The Lans fed us nothing but bland medicinal food filled with nutrients and absolutely no seasoning.”

“Well that simply won’t do!” She cried out. “Come! Let’s go home. I will cook you a proper meal.”

“A-Li,” Jiang Fengmian stepped off the boat onto the wood of the dock. “Remember, we are eating together this evening.”

“Ah, of course.” Jiang Yanli bowed her head a little, her bangs covering her expression from her father. From his position at her side, Wei Wuxian was able to see how she rolled her eyes.

“Let us return,” Jiang Fengmian was already walking away, hands folded behind his back. “I’m sure A-Xian will want time to greet the other disciples before dinner.”

“Yes, Father.”

“Of course, Uncle.”

They fell in step behind him. Wei Wuxian tried not to be obvious as he stared in wonder at the sights around him. Everything was exactly how he remembered it, but there were details he had forgotten about over the years - details like the old woman who sold sweet roasted nuts on the corner and how her hair was still black as night despite how aged her skin was, and the details carved into the Inn’s front. As they walked past, he took in the intricate carvings in the wood, the fish and lake plants and mythical creatures that decorated the face of the building.

He had forgotten. He had forgotten the smell of the marketplace, the spices of the meat buns and the sweetness of the flowers being sold from baskets hanging off the arms of young maidens and the tang of algae that clung to the air around Yunmeng. He had forgotten the sounds of the voices of the merchants who had seen him grow from an emancipated child to a strong young man - more so than his own guardians had. He had forgotten the feel of the stones, worn and well traveled, under his boots and the brightly colored lanterns that swung and danced in the gentle breeze.

“A-Xian, are you feeling ill from the boat?” Jiang Yanli asked softly.

“No,” He shook his head. “I’m just... homesick, I suppose.”

“You’ve only been gone a few months,” She giggled behind her hand. “But no matter how long you’re away, you’ll always be welcomed home with open arms.”

Wei Wuxian let out a soft chuckle to hide how he wanted to scream. He let his head drop, letting his bangs hide his stricken expression from her. She seemed to notice the change in his mood but didn’t comment on it. Instead, she reached over and took his hand, giving it a single, comforting squeeze before letting go.

He never thought he would see Lotus Pier again. He knew Jiang Cheng had been meticulously rebuilding his home, but he knew he would never be allowed to see it. He died knowing he was as dead to Lotus Pier as the home he had grown up in was dead to history.

But he was back. He was home.

The lotus carved into the main gates of Lotus Pier stood strong as they approached it. The doors scraped open as the disciples manning the guard stations saw their Sect Leader approaching.

Wei Wuxian eyed the wood closely as they passed under the gate.

The wood was thick and sturdy, having stood strong for generations. If any place would be a good fit for the hidden array from the Lan bath house, it would be the Lotus Pier gate. Wei Wuxian tucked that information away for the future as his attention was pulled away by the sound of shouts.

“Shixiong!”

“You’re back!”

“How was the Cloud Recesses?”

“We’ve missed you!”

Wei Wuxian was instantly surrounded by purple-clad disciples of all ages. The youngest clung to his legs, no older than nine, while the senior disciples formed an excited circle around him.

“I’m home, everyone!” He grinned, eyes stinging painfully.

“Did you learn anything interesting?” One of the disciples tugged on his sleeve.

“I did, actually,” He laughed, letting his arm flail a little as the disciple continued to tug and pull on his sleeve. “As soon as I get back to running drills, I’ll show you.”

There was a mixed reaction to that - half the disciples cheered while the other half groaned at the mention of drills. Wei Wuxian laughed brightly, the sound bouncing off of Lotus Pier in a way it hadn’t in...

Lifetimes.

“Now, why don’t we allow A-Xian unpack and change,” Jiang Yanli stepped in, a warm smile on her face as she regarded the pack of children before her. “He’s been traveling for some time.”

“Of course, Madam Jiang...” The Disciples bowed and finally backed away.

“Don’t worry,” Wei Wuxian promised them. “I’ll be there to take over your drills first thing in the morning.”

“I know they’re happy to see you but I could see you getting overwhelmed.” Jiang Yanli whispered to him as they slipped away. They walked towards Wei Wuxian’s room, disciples and servants perking up when they caught sight of who the Young Mistress Jiang was walking with.

“Lotus Pier is... a lot, compared to the Cloud Recesses.” Wei Wuxian felt that was safe to admit. He didn’t think it was safe to admit that it was more than just the disciples that were overwhelming him - it was the memories of the fire that burned the back of his sinus and the glimpses of corpses from the corner of his eye.

Every time he saw a flash of blood soaked purple, he would turn his head and be greeted by unmarred buildings and lively people chattering to one another. He felt untethered - he realized with a sinking realization that the homesickness wasn’t for Lotus Pier.

It was for someplace else.

He wasn’t quite sure where, though.

“After dinner, meet me in the pavilion,” Jiang Yanli smiled. “I have something for you.”

“Oh?” Wei Wuxian raised his eyebrows. “Well, if you request my presence, I have no choice but to oblige.”

She giggled again before pulling him into a tight embrace. He tensed for a moment before melting into her arms. He was much larger than her, both in height and in mass, but he always felt so small in her embrace. They stayed like that for a moment, Wei Wuxian soaking in the once familiar warmth that he knew - he thought, at least - he would never get to experience again.

She died, and it was his fault.

She might be alive now, but she could die again. If she died again, it would be his fault.

“I’ll leave you to unpack,” She said, finally pulling away. Her eyes were suspiciously glassy as she beamed at him. “If you find yourself with some free time before dinner, I’d love to hear all about the Cloud Recesses.”

“Mhm,” He hummed. “I’ll come find you if there’s time.”

She gave him one last hug, this one only lasting a moment before she was pulling away and leaving him to his own devices. He could smell her perfume clinging to his robes and he thanks the Gods for giving him this second chance.

As soon as the door slid shut behind him, Wei Wuxian collapsed to his knees. His breathing came in short, shallow bursts as his vision became unfocused and hazy. Outside, he could distinctly hear the sounds of crackling fire and screams, but when he tried to look out the window all he saw was blurry buildings and a bright, blue sky.

They were coming. They were coming for Lotus Pier. They were coming for him.

Curling into a tight ball, Wei Wuxian wept as quietly as he could. He didn’t have time to put up a silencing talisman before he found himself in the grips of panic, and the last thing he wanted was for someone to walk past and hear his labored breathing and choked sobs.

The sound of fire was getting louder. Closer. Soon, he would be engulfed in the flames that destroyed his home. He would deserve it. He deserved to burn-

Something gently brushed against his cheek, making him reel back in fear. He fell hard on his ass before scrambling back as much as he could. The panic closed his throat when he felt the wall on his back, preventing him from going any further.

Only to pause when he saw a glimmer of gold.

“Who sent you?” He asked as he reached a hand out for the golden butterfly to land on his finger.

‘Wei Ying,’ The butterfly said softly. Wei Wuxian’s heart felt ready to burst from the rush of affection and longing at the sound. ‘I hope you have arrived safely. I was going to wait for you to send word but I... I didn’t wish to wait any longer. The Cloud Recesses are not the same without you here. I do not know how the rest of the lecture period will go now that you are gone.’

“Lan Zhan...” He smiled through his tears. He hadn’t realized how badly he already missed the other boy until he heard his voice again. It had only been a few hours since they had parted ways and yet the few words coming from the butterfly were enough to force his lungs to breathe again.

The butterfly began to fade once its message had been delivered. Wei Wuxian jolted forward, as if he could prevent it from vanishing. Once it was gone, as if it had never existed in the first place, did he let out a sigh he hadn’t meant to hold.

He dug through his belongings until he found a small pouch that he had hidden deep within his possessions. He undid the string and let the papers fall into his hand. They were unassuming, made of tan parchment and cut into the simple shape of a butterfly. He had been shocked when Jin Zixuan had given nearly two dozen to him - he hadn’t known how the Jin butterflies worked, but he hadn’t considered that it could be similar to how his own paperman spell did.

He kept one paper butterfly out before carefully pouring the rest back into the pouch and tying it shut. After stashing the pouch in a safe location, Wei Wuxian picked up the paper butterfly and brought it to his lips.

“Lan Zhan,” He smiled as he channeled his spiritual energy into the parchment. “It’s only been a few hours and yet your voice has filled me with strength... I never thought I’d miss the Cloud Recesses, but I find myself longing for it. Maybe I’m longing for something else, too... I made it back safe. I’ve only just arrived at my room and I already have things I need to fill you and the others in on. I’m expected at dinner, but afterwards I’ll send another butterfly and write a letter. Hopefully the letter will arrive in a timely manner... I miss you, Lan Zhan. Do you miss me?”

He knew he was risking having his message cut off if he kept rambling. The biggest downside to the butterflies was how little they could actually carry. Only a few sentences at most before they were overwhelmed and the message was cut short. He hoped nothing was missing from his butterfly as he gave it one final burst of energy, telling it where to go.

The paper transformed into a living creature, golden wings shining brightly in the afternoon sun. It flapped its wings twice before taking off into the air. Wei Wuxian watched it fly out the window and in the direction of the Cloud Recesses. It would take a short while to arrive, but only a fraction of the time that a letter would.

Lan Zhan would probably receive his message before he was summoned for dinner.

“Well, nothing left to do but unpack...” He said to himself as he stood. His legs were still trembling slightly from the panic that had just been assaulting him, but after hearing Lan Zhan’s voice he found himself calm once again.

He hummed a soft, nameless tune as he went through his belongings, putting them back where they belonged. It almost felt like he was intruding on another’s personal space rather than his own. In this timeline, it had only been a few months since he had left. To him, however, it had been nearly a decade since he had last seen his room in such a state.

He couldn’t help but laugh a little as he drew parallels to his childhood bedroom and how he kept the Demon Quelling cave - how it was an organized disaster, with papers and trinkets strewn about in a purposefully haphazard way. His bed was neatly made, but his work desk was buried under piles of parchment and half-finished talismans. The walls were covered in drawings he had done over the years of both Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli, but also scenery of Yunmeng and illustrations of some of his favorite stories. There were diagrams for talismans he wanted to invent and sketches for drills he wanted to implement for the disciples. His wardrobe was closed neatly, but that was only because most of his clothing was still packed away from his trip.

Going over to the wall, he tugged down a sketch for an invention he had been dreaming up. The laughter died in his throat as he looked it over. It was for a spell that could determine which direction resentful energy was coming from. He had wanted to use it for night hunts, so they could easily track whatever spirit or corpse they had been summoned to rid the common folk of.

His hand itched to fix the schematics. He knew how to make it work now, and he felt foolish looking at the naive writing on the paper. He had been stupid - such an optimistic child with dreams and ideas too large for his station.

The compass of evil had been one of the first things he had perfected in the burial mounds, just after the spirit-attracting flags. Both were vital for the safety of the Wens, necessary for them to live in peace. The flags would draw the resentful beings to the far reaches of the Burial Mounds - far away from where they were living, while he made sure every one of the remnants had a compass on them at all times to warn them if something malicious was getting too close.

It had been nothing more than a passing whimsy when he had sketched out the first iteration of the compass. On paper, it wasn’t even supposed to be a compass - his initial plans had it where a crystal would glow different colors depending on how close the malicious entity was to the holder.

“Ha... I really was a fool back then...” He said to himself as he let the paper fall onto the mess of the desk. Turning back to his belongings, he felt nothing but dread in the face of putting them all away.

He wanted Lan Zhan to get the butterfly already so he could get a response. He wanted the lectures to be over so he could see his brother again. He knew this period of waiting would be excruciating for him, and he was dreading every second of it.

“I miss Lan Zhan...” He whispered softly as he knelt by the chest holding his clothes. With a heavy sigh he opened the lid and began unpacking.

Wei Wuxian tried not to fidget, but it was hard. He had grown used to his disciple robes, with their many layers and their flowing sleeves. He was no longer accustomed to the cuffs and over-tunic of his own personal robes. He longed for what he wore in the Burial Mounds, the thin inner robe splayed open and the loose sleeves of the outer robes flowing in the oppressive heat.

“Eat a little more,” Jiang Yanli whispered as she put a piece of pork into his bowl. “You’ve gotten too skinny while you were away.”

“Thank you...” He couldn’t bring himself to pick the meat out of his bowl. Not when his Shijie had been the one to put it there. He tried to pick around it but it was hard. The rice and the vegetables mixed in the bowl had the seasonings from the pork coating them, so even if he avoided the meat itself he was reminded of it with every bite.

“Have you gotten too used to the food in Gusu?” Madam Yu’s voice called out, making Wei Wuxian flinch. He could feel the resentment rolling off of her in waves, causing a nail to be driven through his skull. The resentful energy in his body reacted immediately, its hackles rising at the challenge. He had been able to ignore it when he first entered the room, but now that her attention was focused on him he was powerless to block it out. “Do you think you’re too good for the cuisine of the home that took you in?”

He noted how she didn’t refer to it as his home - just the home that took in the unwanted orphan.

“Of course not,” He kept his head down. “I... my stomach is still a little upset from the journey back. The food is delicious, as always.”

“Hah!” She scoffed. The resentment aimed towards him spiked, as did the migraine now causing his vision to go spotty. “You’ve always thought yourself too good for the life we’ve so generously given you. It’s no surprise to me that you’d go above and beyond to shove our kindness in our faces!”

“Mother-” Jiang Yanli tried to say only to be cut off.

“Enough, Yanli,” The woman snapped, making her daughter cower. Wei Wuxian had to fight to hold his tongue - not only to defend Jiang Yanli, but to scold Madam Yu for interrupting. As much as he disliked the rules in the Cloud Recesses, he found himself trying to follow them even without meaning to. “He’s the reason your betrothal has been cut off! How dare you try to defend him when he’s the reason you’ve lost any chance at marrying the man you love!”

Wei Wuxian bit the inside of his cheek to keep from scoffing. Jiang Yanli always had more than a chance of marrying Jin Zixuan, and now it was practically guaranteed.

“He brings nothing but misfortune to this family!” She continued, her voice growing in volume, as did the resentment. Wei Wuxian felt the resentful energy in his body react, scorching his meridians and attacking his core.

A throb of pain made his vision go white for a second and he barely registered his mouth moving.

“What did you say?” Madam Yu’s voice was dangerously quiet.

“You’re right.” He repeated. He could feel his eyes burning red so he kept his gaze fixated firmly on his lap. The resentful energy within him screamed at him to kill her - punish her for her audacity. He was the Yiling Laozu - a demon that haunted the nightmares of even the youngest child. He was a beast of the shadows and a monster that clung to the inky depths of night. His name alone was enough to send grown men running with their tails between their legs... So who did she think she was? She was nothing compared to him. A mere ant under the boot of a god.

“Right about what, exactly?” She challenged, standing and glowering in his direction. He could feel the tips of his hair curling from the resentful energy pouring from his skin. His fingers twitched, subconsciously reaching for Chenqing.

It would be so easy, showing her where she belonged. A simple command and the resentful energy would put her in her place. She would rue the day she ever laid eyes on him. She would beg for forgiveness for every single cruel word and crueler strike of her cursed spiritual whip.

Wei Wuxian took in a shaking breath, forcing the resentful energy down. He hadn’t meant to give in to its sweet whispers so easily. It had been like slipping into a warm bed at the end of a long day - natural, and quick. The resentful energy coated him like a lover’s embrace, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

“I do bring misfortune,” His voice only broke a little. She scoffed again but this time he couldn’t help but laugh. It bubbled up from the back of his throat, spilling past teeth-worried lips until it filled the room. From his peripherals, he saw Jiang Yanli flinch at the sound. It wasn’t the laughter of the boy she had grown up with - no, it was the cold, dead laugh of a monster. “I bring death and destruction wherever I go... I call it forth like one would beckon a dog and yet... Here I am. Here I remain. Isn’t that curious, Violet Spider?”

“How dare you!” She seethed, Zidian sparking dangerously on her finger. “Speaking to me with such disrespect-”

“I speak with respect to those who have earned it,” His mouth curled into a soulless grin. He finally lifted his head, staring straight at the woman who tormented him for so many years. The resentful energy swelled with joy and pride when he saw the way she faltered at the sight of silver eyes drenched in crimson. “Do not mistake me for a fool. I have seen things that would make a weaker man’s heart stop... do not deceive yourself into believing I am afraid of you.”

“And to think we believed Master Qiren might actually be able to teach you some manners,” She narrowed her eyes, purple lighting casting an eerie shadow on her face. “Just what are they teaching in Gusu to put such delusional thoughts into your head!?”

“I’m the farthest thing from delusional,” he chuckled, the sound low and grating. Madam Yu faltered for only a short moment, pulling her shoulder back just a fraction - but it was enough of a sign of weakness that he knew he had won. “I will be taking my leave. The meal was delicious... it’s good to be home.”

“A-Xian-” Jiang Yanli stood, hand outstretched, but it was too late. Wei Wuxian had already disappeared through the doors, leaving his untouched bowl sitting on the table.

His feet remembered the way better than his mind did, it seemed. Even though it had been years since he had last stepped foot in Lotus Pier, he found himself navigating the paths between buildings as if he had only departed for the Cloud Recesses a day ago.

His head still felt like it had been cleaved in two but the resentful energy had begun to calm, returning to its almost natural state of a low lying fog just below his meridians. He could still feel it, waiting in the shadows of his body, prepared to be called forth to cause chaos and death. It was calm, but it was forever waiting for a chance to strike.

Once he was safely in his room once more, Wei Wuxian allowed himself to collapse onto his bed. It was softer than the one in the guest disciple dorm, and felt like a cloud compared to the rock and hides he called a bed in the Burial Mounds. It was almost too soft - he felt like he was soiling the blankets just by laying on top of them.

He allowed himself to soak in the comfort for a few moments, his breathing steady as he circulated his qi through his body. It felt foreign still, being able to move the spiritual energy at will. It was something he had taken for granted - something he never thought he would feel again.

“Alright, that’s enough wallowing,” He said to himself as he hoisted his body upright. He pulled Jin Zixuan’s pouch out from where he had stashed it under his pillow before going to dinner and undid the ties. “I need to send everyone an update before they appear to bust down my door.”

Taking the first paper butterfly, he held it to his lips.

“Jiang Cheng~” He smiled against the parchment. “You’ll be proud of me. I stood up to your mother for once! Shijie is doing well, though she seemed concerned that I had lost weight. Starting tomorrow I will resume head disciple duties, and I will implement the first part of the plan. I have other ideas, but I will send a letter detailing those. I hope you’re behaving now that I’m gone... I already miss your nagging.”

He found the smile on his lips was a little more natural as he sent the first butterfly out the window. He and his brother had a strange relationship, but he realized how much closer they had gotten over the last few weeks. He never thought there was that much of a distance between them, but he had been proven wrong by how Jiang Cheng had stepped up to the challenges presented to him.

Could things have been like this all along? If Wei Wuxian had simply been more honest - more open and vulnerable with Jiang Cheng - could all the suffering have been avoided? Could they have had a better ending?

It was too late to ponder such things now. The past was in the past - or rather, in the future. There was no point in delving too deep into the what-ifs of his past life. Now, he had to focus on the present. He pulled out a second butterfly and held it to his lips.

“Peacock,” He chuckled softly. “I made it back safely. These butterflies of yours are incredible, but I might have to tinker with them. The messages they hold are far too short. News of the broken betrothal has already arrived here, so prepare the next part of our plan. I’ll be waiting to hear the official announcement. I hope Jiang Cheng is behaving, and if he’s not... go easy on him. I- Shijie was wearing new robes when I arrived. You’ll be speechless when you see her in them.”

He sent the second butterfly on its way before pulling out a third. There was so much more he wanted to say in each one, but he didn’t want to risk his message being cut off mid-sentence.

“Nie-xiong,” He began the third message. “I’ll keep this brief. I have some things I need you to look into, but I dare not send them here. I will be shipping a letter to you first thing in the morning, so keep an eye out. I know it’s asking a lot, but I’ll try to make it up to you one day. You have no idea what your support means to me... and to our goals.”

He sent the third butterfly before picking up the fourth. He hesitated, holding the paper in his hand. Now that he had the chance to send Lan Zhan a proper message, he found he was unsure of what to say. Just as he was about to open his mouth, he saw movement from the corner of his eye.

Breaking out into a wide grin, Wei Wuxian set the paper butterfly aside in favor of reaching out for the golden butterfly to land on his hand. It flapped its wings once before a familiar voice came from it.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said softly, and a knot undid itself in Wei Wuxian’s chest. “I am glad to hear you have arrived safely. Things are calm here... or rather as calm as they can be given my current company. Jiang Wanyin and Jin Zixuan are currently engaged in what I can only hope is a friendly spar out in the training fields. It has been less than a day since we’ve parted and already I find myself searching for you amongst the trees and buildings. I will be waiting eagerly for your letter, though I suppose it will take a few days to arrive. I hope your dinner is uneventful, though I doubt that will come to be. I have been hearing bits and pieces of what Jiang Furen is like and it fills me with anger knowing how you are treated. If I were there, I would-”

The message cut off, the butterfly disappearing in a shimmer of gold. Wei Wuxian’s hand curled into a fist, as if to hold onto the message. At least he knew the limitations of the butterflies, he thought to himself glumly. Lan Zhan wasn’t someone who spoke at great lengths, but when he did he always made sure to put as much thought and care into what he said as possible. To know he had so much he wished to say to Wei Wuxian that he couldn’t fit it all in a single message made Wei Wuxian’s heart flutter like the butterfly had.

He reached for his own paper butterfly again only to freeze.

“Lan Zhan,” He laughed, eyes turning up as he reached out for the second butterfly to land. “You’re going to use yours up before the end of the day...”

“I did not realize it would be cut off so soon,” Lan Zhan’s second message began. Wei Wuxian only grinned wider, able to clearly picture the faint pout on the other boy’s face as he spoke. “I only had a little more I wished to say... if you cannot be here, then I wish I could be there. I wish to be wherever Wei Ying is, no matter the cost. As for your last question... I miss you. I miss you in a way I didn’t know I was capable of. I know we will see each other soon, but the distance aches. I hope to hear your voice again soon.”

“Ah... what are you doing to me?” Wei Wuxian asked as the butterfly dissolved. His voice was wet and thick but there was no one but the walls of his room to hear.

Clearing his throat, he picked up the paper butterfly once more and brought it to his lips.

“Lan Zhan, two butterflies in a row? I feel so special,” He grinned. He wondered if Lan Zhan would be able to picture his smile, as he had been able to so clearly see the other boy’s frustration. “Don’t waste them all in the first week! Then I won’t be able to hear your voice down the line. Dinner was... eventful, as expected. I think something is strange with the resentful energy - well, stranger than usual. I will explain in my letter. I... I really miss you. I wish you were here. That would make everything better... I’ll talk to you soon.”

He sent the butterfly away before he could ramble any longer. There was so much more he wished to say but he knew he needed to ration the butterflies more than the others. They could easily get more from Jin Zixuan, but Wei Wuxian was stuck with what was in the pouch. Maybe he could ask the Peacock to send him more with a letter at some point if he were to begin running low.

“Gods above... Madam Yu is going to be on my ass now more than ever,” He collapsed back onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. “Why did I lose my temper like that? I guess the resentful energy in me was reacting to her own resentment? That makes sense in theory, but I’ve never had that happen when I came into contact with others who harbored intense resentment towards me...”

Or had he? The siege of the Burial Mounds was a blur, even if - to him - it only happened a few months prior. Even as it was happening it was a blur. He had barely been able to tell who was friend and who was foe, not that he had many friends to identify. He hadn’t even been fully aware of what he was doing when he hid A-Yuan in the tree stump. It was completely possible that the intense resentment and hatred from those who gathered for the sole purpose of killing him had tampered with his mind.

His mind, that had already been so riddled with scars from the trauma and the resentful energy that had taken up residence in his body. Unfortunately, he had no way of knowing if that was true or simply speculation. If he had planned on trying to avoid Madam Yu before, he was going to make sure he avoided her now.

He had too much he needed to do and not that much time to do it in. He couldn’t afford to lose control before he could fortify the wards and prepare Lotus Pier for the inevitable. He had much he needed to accomplish before Jiang Cheng returned from the Cloud Recesses, and even more to accomplish after they were reunited.

“A-Xian?” A knock came from his door. “Are you sleeping?”

“No,” he called back softly, just loud enough to be heard. “Just... resting.”

“Care to join me at the pavilion?”

“Give me a few minutes,” He needed to compose himself before he faced his Shijie again. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Alright.” There was a rustling on the other side of the door followed by silence. Wei Wuxian took a deep, steady breath through his nose and held it for a moment before slowly releasing it out of his mouth. He repeated the action a few more times, only swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and standing once he was sure he was in control of himself.

The last thing he ever wanted to do was lose his temper on his Shijie.

The sun was nearly gone as he made his way to the pavilion. Only the last dredges of light scraped the horizon, barely visible through the treeline. Lanterns provided enough light for him to watch where he was walking, while hundreds of fire beetles blinked lazily through the dark air.

He saw Jiang Yanli, sitting with her back to the path that led to the pavilion itself. There were lanterns hung from the rafters, giving the enclosed area an ethereal glow. She must have heard his footsteps, for she turned and smiled brightly at him.

“Come,” She said, gesturing for him to walk faster. “Sit. I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” His chest warmed. “What kind of surprise?”

“Well I’m not going to spoil it before I give it to you,” She giggled, clearly hiding something in her sleeve. “I saw it in the market a few weeks back and... I’m not sure what compelled me to buy it but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I went back to the market to get it for you.”

“You can’t say all that and not show me what it is!” He chuckled at her excitement. She seemed to be vibrating with anticipation as she fiddled with whatever she was hiding.

“Close your eyes,” She instructed, and he did as he was told. “Now hold out your hands.”

“You spoil me, Shijie,” He grinned as he felt something light be placed onto his outstretched palms. “This one doesn’t... deserve...”

He trailed off as he opened his eyes, his stomach dropping to his boots as he took in what he was now holding. From his upper peripherals, he could see Jiang Yanli grinning wide, her hands clasped in front of her face waiting for his reaction but he felt frozen.

“I know music was something you never really focused too hard on,” She said, practically bouncing where she sat. “But I saw this and instantly thought of you! I know you can accomplish anything you put your mind to, so learning to play the dizi will be as easy as breathing before long.”

“Th-thank you,” He managed to choke out. The dizi in his hands was so similar to Chenqing that he felt his heart stop for a brief moment. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was more different than he thought. The body was thinner, the bamboo dyed a brown so dark that it appeared black in the dim light of the lanterns. There were designs of lotus blossoms and swimming koi decorating it, the carvings having been inlaid with mother of pearl to make them shine brightly. “It’s beautiful.”

“Don’t be too rough with it, okay?” She pretended to scold him. “It’s not as sturdy as the more practical ones in the market but I hoped... oh, it sounds so silly to say now.”

“What is it?” He pretended his hands didn’t shake as he held the dizi.

“That you’d look at it and think of home... think of me,” She reached out and wrapped her fingers around his. “I don’t expect to stay in Lotus Pier for the rest of my life. Now that my betrothal has been broken... Mother and Father will be searching for another man for me to marry. When they find one, I’ll be expected to move into his household. I know you and A-Cheng are going to do amazing things with our home, even if I’m gone.”

“D-don’t say it like that,” He tried to will the tears from his eyes. “You’re-you’re not going anywhere... not if I have anything to do about it.”

“Ah, my A-Xian,” She giggled, the sound wet and teary. “If only you could stay my baby brother forever but we both have to grow up one day.”

“I refuse,” He said instantly, pulling away from her touch and holding the dizi close to his chest. “A-Xian is three... A-Xian doesn’t-doesn’t want to grow up.”

Something shifted in Jiang Yanli’s eyes as she took in his shaking hands and glassy eyes. She sniffled silently before pulling him into a tight embrace. He tried his best and yet still was unable to hold back the tears that began soaking into her robes.

“It’ll be alright,” She promised him. “My A-Xian can do anything he sets his mind to. He does more than just attempt the impossible - he conquers it with a smile.”

“Thank you,” He smiled through his tears. “I-I promise I’ll play you something beautiful one day.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it,” Her smile calmed a little. “Now tell me about the Cloud Recesses! Did you make any friends? How much trouble did you get in?”

“Why are you assuming I got into trouble?” He gasped in faux offense only to break into laughter at the look she shot him. “Ah, you know me too well~ I only got into a little bit of trouble I promise! And it was all worth it because I made some great friends.”

“Well? Tell me all about it!” She squealed. He knew he had to run training first thing in the morning, but it was worth it to have this time with his Shijie. He didn’t know how many moments like this he would have left - moments where he could just be. Where they could talk for hours under the stars like they did when they were children.

They were going to have to grow up soon, and he was going to cling to this. He was going to hold onto this until they ripped it from his cold, dead hands.

Chapter Text

“From the top!” Wei Wuxian cried, watching the disciples scramble to get back into position. The sun was hot above them but it didn’t slow their pace. Wei Wuxian was a model Head Disciple - he was easy to get along with and empathized with the other disciples, and while he might have slacked a little with his own training, he took theirs seriously.

He walked along the lines, watching each movement with a keen eye. He used Suibian to straighten someone’s elbow before turning and smacking the sheath against the back of another disciple’s leg.

“Keep your knees bent,” He reminded them. “Locked knees cause injuries.”

“Yes, Shixong!” The disciple nodded, brow furrowed in concentration.

“Remember! Imagine you’re striking though your opponent,” Wei Wuxian called out. It was nothing they hadn’t heard before, especially not the last couple of days. Wei Wuxian had jumped right back into his training, immediately altering the drills and implementing the changes. In less than a week, the disciples had already gotten quite an impressive grasp on the new material. “If you only move to strike your opponent themselves, you’re holding back your true potential. Striking through allows more strength-”

Wei Wuxian doubled over as a spike of pain rammed itself through his skull, making his vision go white. He heard the disciples closest to him cry out in concern but thankfully no one tried to touch him as he fought to regain control. The resentful energy in his body flared, scalding his meridians and making his stomach roll dangerously.

He knew what this meant, and was only able to straighten himself a moment before the threat revealed itself.

“Wei Wuxian,” Madam Yu scoffed, already scowling at the gathered disciples. “What did I just witness?”

“Disciple training,” He ground out, his vision still blurry. The resentful energy whispered dark, dangerous things into his mind, its promises and threats like ice on a burn. He swallowed around the knot in his throat, refusing to give into its sweet nothings as he had done his first night back. “It is my duty to oversee training, is it not?”

“It is your duty to uphold YunmengJiang traditions and values,” The woman crossed her arms. Her two servants appeared at either side, their faces impassive yet still somehow radiating distaste. “How dare you alter the drills that YunmengJiang disciples have been learning for generations? How dare you think you have the authority to make such decisions on your own-”

“On my own?” Wei Wuxian could feel the way his hands shook. “I believe I’m well within my duty, seeing how I spoke to Sect Leader Jiang the morning after I returned to Lotus Pier about updating the drills... unless you believe Sect Leader Jiang to be unfit to make decisions about his sect?”

“Wh- you little beast,” She narrowed her eyes, Zidian sparking dangerously on her finger. From his peripherals, Wei Wuxian saw the disciples take a wary step back, leaving him to stand between them and her. “How dare you-”

“Is that all you know how to say? How dare I?” Wei Wuxian had many, many other choice words he wished to be using, but he held his tongue as much as he could. The resentful energy hissed at him for acting so weak when he had enough power to render the feared Violet Spider into nothing more than a smear on the stone below her feet. He took a calming breath, knowing he couldn’t afford to lose his temper. He had too many things he planned to accomplish that day and being bedridden with a migraine from the demon woman’s resentment towards him wasn’t part of that plan. “This one apologizes. I was unaware Sect Leader Jiang did not inform you of the changes to the drills.”

“You-” She reeled back, clearly not prepared for him to concede so quickly. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words but looking so much like a fish out of water that Wei Wuxian had to bow lower, lifting his hands higher to cover the smirk on his lips.

“If there’s nothing else Jiang Furen needs from this disciple, he shall resume training.”

“Fine,” She spat, clearly not pleased. “Do whatever you wish - you act without thinking of the consequences regardless so why should this be any different?”

She turned on her heel and stalked away, her servants following in her shadow. Wei Wuxian remained in the bow, trying to keep the resentful energy inside calm. He could hear the disciples whispering amongst themselves behind him but only stood after taking a long, calming breath.

He slapped a bright grin on his face and turned to face the disciples.

“Well? From the top!” He called. Normally there would be at least a little whining, playful or not, but after what they just witnessed they weren’t about to mess around. They scrambled back to their places and began the drills from the beginning, trying their best to keep all the changes in mind.

Wei Wuxian knew it was difficult, relearning something you had been taught daily for years, but it would be worth it. It would be taxing, reteaching their muscles and overriding a lifetime of training, but it would save their lives one day.

He would have to thank Nie Huaisang in the next letter he sent. It had been Nie Huaisang’s input that drastically changed the drills from defensive to offensive. Wei Wuxian hoped he had tweaked the movements enough that they wouldn’t be immediately recognizable as Nie drills, but even if someone called him out he was sure he would be able to bluff his way out of trouble.

By the time training was over, everyone was sweaty and flushed, even Wei Wuxian. He dismissed the disciples, who cheered when he gave them the rest of the afternoon off. Normally they were instructed to use the hours between drills and dinner to study or or practice their forms on their own, but he didn’t need anyone poking around while he was working.

He watched the disciples race towards the lakes with a sad kind of smile on his lips. They were all so young and full of life. To know in just a short while they could be lying on the blood soaked bricks of their home, their unseeing eyes facing up towards the heavens... it made it hard for Wei Wuxian to remember how to smile properly.

Tucking the papers deeper into his robes, he slipped through the buildings undetected. He wasn’t expected to be anywhere for at least another few hours, so he planned on making use of the time given.

There was always someone watching the front gate. It was a safety precaution, yes, but it was also an intimidation tactic. More often than not, the front gates were open during the day for anyone to come and go as they pleased. Though free to do so, they were always acutely aware that they were being watched.

Though his years in Lotus Pier, Wei Wuxian had spotted a trend - there were certain parts of the day where no one entered the front gates. During meals, when everyone was eating, as well as the short period between training and dinner, when they were expected to be elsewhere.

Wei Wuxian glanced around and spotted the person on guard. It was one of the senior disciples - one who was only a year or so younger than Wei Wuxian himself. He was diligent and hard working, which tended to make up for the fact that he wasn’t always the brightest in his class.

“Afternoon, Shidi~” He grinned as he waltzed over to the young man.

“Shixong!” The disciple jumped to attention. “Don’t you have training at this time?”

“We just finished, actually,” He casually laced his fingers behind his head. “I was bored and decided to wander down this way. How’s guard duty treating you?”

“Dull, as always,” He replied, looking away scathingly. “Though I suppose that’s a good thing... doesn’t make it any more bearable.”

“The sun isn’t forgiving today either,” Wei Wuxian amped up the sympathy in his voice as the disciple sighed. “Do you have enough water to last you the rest of your shift?”

“I ran out about an hour ago,” He turned his empty canister upside down to showcase the single drop of water that fell to the ground. “And I have another three hours to go...”

“How about this,” Wei Wuxian grinned, slinging an arm over the disciple’s shoulders. He knew many little details about the members of the sect that trained under him - he knew which disciples had sloppy footwork and which ones stuck their tongues out during archery practice. He knew who had bad sleeping habits and who was lying. In this instance, he knew this particular disciple always had a nasty habit of finishing his water long before he would have a chance to refill it - it was something he had done their whole lives, so when Wei Wuxian heard he would be standing guard, it was easy to hatch a plan. “I’ll stand guard for a few minutes while you run to refill your water, yeah?”

“But... I’ll get in so much trouble if anyone finds out I abandoned my post...” The disciple paled a little.

“It’s not abandoning if you’re gone for a few moments and leave it with someone you trust,” Wei Wuxian pushed gently. “I won’t let anything happen to Lotus Pier if you take five minutes to hydrate yourself. What sort of message are we sending to the Cultivation world if we allow our senior disciples to collapse under the sun?”

“And no one will know?”

“My lips are sealed,” Wei Wuxian mimed locking his mouth shut. “Now go quickly! I’ll be here when you return.”

“You’re a life saver!” The disciple nearly cried as he gathered his water canister and scurried away. The moment he was out of sight, Wei Wuxian let his smile drop. With a grim set to his mouth, he pulled the papers from his robes.

“According to Lan Zhan, embedding an array into a solid surface isn’t actually that difficult,” He muttered to himself as he scanned the frantic writing. “It’s about the intention.”

He forwent his usual method of using his teeth to bite his thumb enough to draw blood and unsheathed Suibian just enough to expose her blade. She sang in his hands, or rather trembled, as if she knew what he was planning on doing.

“Silly thing,” he hummed softly. “I’m not planning on killing myself just yet.”

He swiftly brought his palm down on the exposed metal, slicing the meat deep enough to bleed freely. With one hand, Wei Wuxian resheathed his sword and got to work smearing his blood onto the gates. He knew he had limited time, and he needed to finish it as quickly and precisely as possible.

The array itself wasn’t too complicated, though he added his own flare to it. He planned on repeating this process a few more times before the Wens attacked, reenforcing the front gates as much as possible. He wasn’t too concerned about making it perfect at that exact moment because he would be back to fill in any gaps in the array before long.

“And.... there.” He took a step back to admire his work. His hands were shaking and his head was light from the blood loss but it was nothing in comparison to the good it would one day do. He used a burst of spiritual energy to activate the array just as he heard footsteps coming his way.

The array flared to life for just a moment before it settled deep within the wood, the bloodied lines soaking into the gates as if it had never been there. Wei Wuxian felt his heart hammering against his ribs as the disciple came rushing back, his face red from the exertion of running all the way back.

“Thank you again,” He panted as he reclaimed his post. He didn’t seem to notice the way Wei Wuxian held his hand behind his back, nor the single drop of blood that had fallen onto the brick below their feet. He could feel the resentful energy gather in his palm, as if to bandage the wound on his hand as his core healed it. “I owe you one.”

“Just keep doing your best,” Wei Wuxian grinned. “That’s all I need from you.”

“I-” The disciple began to say, but Wei Wuxian was already walking quickly in the opposite direction. He didn’t know how close she actually was, but the spike of resentful energy was enough to warn him that Madam Yu was too close for comfort.

He only stopped when the resentful energy was calm once more. Letting out a heavy sigh, Wei Wuxian mourned the him that would have taken the opportunity to find a shady spot under a tree to nap for a few hours. While his body cried out for him to rest, he still had far too much to do.

He did his rounds, checking on the disciples and making sure they were staying out of trouble. He took a stroll over to the archery fields and collected some rogue arrows that had been missed during collection before depositing them in a neat pile to be found in the morning. All the while, Wei Wuxian was taking in each and every detail of his surroundings. Every rock and crack in the ground, every natural barrier and man made hazard. Since he was alone, he didn’t hesitate to embed a few more arrays into the surrounding landscape - in the sidewall of the east wing, onto the door leading to the kitchens, on as many thresholds as he could find. Was it overkill? Potentially, but his main priority was to save as many lives as possible.

The arrays had been altered by none other than Wei Wuxian himself. What was once a simple protection array that would only allow those who knew how to disarm it through, he managed to change the strokes so that anyone with the approved spiritual energy on their person would be able to pass - the same spiritual energy that was held within the clarity bells, as well as the servant tokens given to every worker in Lotus Pier. Sure, someone could steal a bell or a token and pass through the arrays easily, but it would stop far more enemies than the number of those who would be clever enough to find the loophole.

He hoped, at least.

In the distance he heard the bell toll, calling the disciples to dinner. He quickly joined them, grinning brightly to hide how pale he was. He could feel his core working to replenish the blood he had lost, but the resentful energy lingering in his body was slowing the process. He had yet to understand the relationship between the two energies, but they seemed to be at odds more often than not. No one mentioned the lack of meat in his bowl, but he could feel their eyes on him. He ate quickly, knowing he didn’t have time to waste.

Going back to his room, he smiled at the letters on his desk. They had arrived while he had been overseeing training, and he was eager to see what they held. He could recognize Jiang Cheng’s handwriting immediately, as well as the elegant script of Nie Huaisang. Between the last two letters, one had extremely neat handwriting while the other was more haphazard. Even if the former hadn’t been addressed to ‘Wei Ying’, Wei Wuxian would have known who it was from.

He decided to read Jiang Cheng’s letter first. He grabbed the key he had made to decipher the code Nie Huaisang had them using, even though he had memorized it already. It was an ingenious code - and by ingenious, Wei Wuxian meant absolutely insane to anyone who might come across it. Nie Huaisang somehow managed to come up with a code that turned messages into complete and utter nonsense - there was seemingly no rhyme nor reason to it, but once he got the hang of it, Wei Wuxian found himself able to read it almost flawlessly.

Wei Wuxian,

I hope preparations in Lotus Pier are going as planned. Master Qiren has been asking about you, and I’m beginning to believe it’s less genuine worry of your well being and more him prying into the bullshit lie we fed him about the resentful energy. I had a feeling he accepted it all too easily, that sly ass. If any letters come to you from the Cloud Recesses from anyone other than us, be wary. I don’t know what exactly he’s trying to find, but we don’t want him to piece anything together from a slip of the tongue. Not yet, at least.

Things have been going well here. Lan Wangji has been moping since you left. In any other situation I’d be laughing my ass off at the sight but now it’s just irritating me. He didn’t even bother scolding us when we started cursing! Can you believe that? I know it’s been less than a week since you left but I can’t help but worry. I know how my mother can be, and after hearing how Father spoke to you...

I hope they’re treating you well - if not well, at least tolerably. I know A-Jie is probably tripping over herself to spoil you. I would be jealous, but I can only imagine how much it means to you to be spoiled by our sister again. Knowing you, you’re probably trying to convince yourself that you aren’t worthy of her love. Stop it right now, you idiot. You deserve to be cared for, even if you refuse to believe it.

The Peacock sent the letter with the next stage of the plan to Lanling, which means lotus Pier should be hearing about it shortly. I would say you’ve probably been bursting to say something, but after everything you’ve been through you’ve become much better at keeping secrets. We only have a few more weeks of lectures, then stage two can commence. I will keep you informed on what’s going on with our side of things through letters but if anything big happens I’ll be sure to send a butterfly so you hear of it as soon as possible.

If you were here, you’d tease me endlessly for what I’m about to say. It’s not the same without you here. I never thought I’d have to spend so long away from your side, and it’s making me want to find the me that betrayed you once upon a time and strangle the audacity from his pathetic chicken neck. You’ve told me time and time again not to apologize, but I can’t help it. I’m sorry I ever let you think I don’t care. You’re my brother, no matter what, and we’re going to prove to the cultivation world that nothing will break apart the twin prides of Yunmeng. Not this time.

I better hear from you soon, dumbass.

-JC

Wei Wuxian stared at the letter in shock. Out of everything he might have expected Jiang Cheng to write, he could never have prepared himself for what he was actually reading. His chest ached in a painfully familiar way - in a way that longed for something long forgotten and abandoned. While his relationship with his brother was closer than ever, Wei Wuxian still felt a twinge of hesitation whenever Jiang Cheng was involved. Maybe it was the trauma of his first life and the war, or maybe it was the collective of all the years they spent together growing up, constantly walking on eggshells in a desperate attempt to cling to some semblance of peace in a home that was more of a battlefield than a safe haven.

Putting the letter from Jiang Cheng aside, he penned out a quick reply. He didn’t have much to report on just yet, but he felt the need to return the favor and inform Jiang Cheng about his side of things. He wrote of the array on the gate and updates on the drills. He conveniently left out the strange new reaction the resentful energy was showing whenever Madam Yu was nearby. He didn’t want to stress Jiang Cheng out anymore than he already was.

Besides... He would find out soon enough, Wei Wuxian rationalized as he set the paper aside to dry. Picking up Nie Huaisang’s letter, he wasn’t surprised to see it was short and concise.

Wei-Xiong

I have written to my brother. I did not give him all the details, as we discussed, but I did inform him about select topics. He seems sceptical but willing to hear me out. He trusts me, and if I’m making such bold accusations he will at least listen. I have something that might help, but it’s something I need Dage’s permission to speak on, which is why getting him to listen is so imperative. Normally I would simply speak my mind, but this is information that, put in the wrong hands, could destroy the Nie sect entirely. I will send word as soon as I hear back.

Wei Wuxian frowned. What sort of information could be so important that it could lead to the downfall of the physically strongest sect in the cultivation world? Sure QingheNie didn’t have the gold of LanlingJin, or the prestige of GusuLan, but they had the sheer brawn to make up for it. An uneasy feeling settled in his stomach as he put Nie Huaisang’s letter aside.

His response was quick and concise as well. He thanked Nie Huaisang for his efforts and promised to keep whatever information it was safe, should he be allowed to learn it. He asked if there had been any word on what Master Qiren and Lan Xichen had spoken of in reference to reaching out to Sect Leader Nie on their own.

Jin Zixuan’s letter was surprisingly long winded, but Wei Wuxian found himself chuckling as he read it.

Wei Wuxian,

Your brother is a beast. Day in and day out he’s trying to get himself killed - and if not himself, the whole of us entirely. Just yesterday he thought it a brilliant idea to snap at some junior disciples who were ‘looking at him strangely’. Thank the gods that Lan Wangji was there to diffuse the situation. You were right - he does get hot headed when he isn’t on a task. We diverged his attention towards deciphering some text. He’s been complaining about it at every turn but it seems to have calmed him some. He seems to have gotten this idea in his head that lectures are now a waste of time and that it won’t affect him in the long run to skip classes to focus on our plans. Could you please somehow talk some sense into him? I understand his insistence, I truly do, but as an heir myself I know what sort of trouble I’d find myself in if I did anything similar. Even if it’s just to keep up appearances, he needs to at least attend class every once in a while. Master Qiren is getting suspicious.

Nie Huaisang is being as cryptic and unsettling as usual, though I doubt the news will be any degree of shocking to you. Just the other day he woke me in the middle of the night to ask me what I thought of this poem he had come across. If I had been more awake I might have had a better response, but given the situation all I had for him was a very dignified and collected ‘fuck off’. Unfortunately, it seems you and your brother’s vernacular has been rubbing off on me more and more. What will the servants and council members in Lanling think when their young master returns from lectures at the esteemed Cloud Recesses with a mouth that would make a drunkard blush? Nie Huaisang speaks in poetry that seems to make no sense on a surface level but is uncomfortably astute once you look between the lines. It feels like he knows more about me than I do. Remind me to never get on his bad side if I can help it.

Lan Wangji is a mess with you gone. I never thought I’d see the day where the peerless Second Jade got an answer wrong in class. It seemed Master Qiren had the same mindset, seeing how he went white as a ghost when he heard the incorrect response. Lan Wangji seemed mortified, and I truly wish you had been here to see it. If I had any artistic skill, I’d try to sketch his expression for it was simply astounding. Maybe I’ll see if Nie Huaisang could recreate the moment for you. Even Jiang Wanyin was trying his best not to laugh aloud in class. Jokes aside, I never though I’d see Lan Wangji show so much expression, but you truly brought out a different side of him. It’s almost poetic, how different the two of you are, yet how well you work together. We’re taught of the Yin and Yang energies within our cores and bodies, but it was always such an intangible subject to me, yet seeing the two of you interact made me understand the relationship between the two energies better. Lan Wangji insists that you are just friends, but Jiang Wanyin’s comments make me think otherwise. Is there something more that I’m unaware of? I know I can be dense, but I’d like to think I would notice if there was some sort of illicit affair happening between two of my closest friends. Ah, even if there is, it is not my place to pry. Whatever the relationship between you is, I hope it makes you both happy.

How is Maiden Jiang? Jiang Wanyin speaks of her often, and it makes me both nervous and full of anticipation for the day I finally get to meet her properly. Is it true that she can hit a bullseye with a knife every time she throws? Or that she once beat a sailor in an arm wrestling match? As amazing as those tales would be, I can’t help but be a little skeptical - not because I don’t believe her capable, I swear, but rather because it sounds too fantastical for anyone to accomplish. I keep wondering how our first meeting will go and I’m petrified that I will ruin any chance I might have. Now that I know the type of man I will become, I find myself fearing that the man I am now will not be enough. Do you have any advice? I would try asking Jiang Wanyin, but I don’t know if I trust him not to sabotage me a little, just for fun. Honestly I would probably deserve it, too.

I hope everything in Lotus Pier is well. It’s only been a week but it already feels like we haven’t heard from you in ages. If something bad happened, you’d send a butterfly, so I suppose no news is good news. I’m sure Jiang Wanyin has mentioned it to you already but I sent my father the letter, which means as soon as lectures are over phase two of the plan will be put into motion. In just a few weeks we’ll be facing the next leg of our plot to fix the future. It feels both so far away and right around the corner. Is that strange? I find myself constantly stuck between ‘we have so much time that we have to sit with before we can do anything worthwhile’ and ‘gods above we’re going to war in a few weeks’.

I know I wasn’t your first pick to be brought in on such an important mission, but I swear on my honor that I will do everything in my power to ensure your victory. This is so much bigger than any of us. We have so much riding on our shoulders, so we have to make sure we work together. We cannot allow ourselves to fall into the lies and the resentment, as we once did - or rather, as we might have done, in another life.

Be well, Wei Wuxian. I don’t want to think what destruction Lan Wangji and Jiang Wanyin might bring down on the mortal realm if anything dire befell you.

“I never thought he’d be the gossiping type.” Wei Wuxian laughed to himself as he reread the section about Lan Zhan. His smile softened. Oh how he wished to have been there to see Lan Zhan’s expression! Oh how he wished to be by Lan Zhan’s side, Unfortunately, it would be a few more weeks before there was even a chance of crossing paths again.

He put Jin Zixuan’s letter aside and wrote a response. He made sure to thank the older boy profusely for keeping him updated on such important matters, and all but begged him to continue doing so. He might not be there in person, but that didn’t mean he had to miss out on potential blackmail material! He also politely requested that Jin Zixuan go through with the joke of asking Nie Huaisang to sketch Lan Zhan’s expression.

He continued the letter, letting the older boy in on some secrets about Jiang Yanli - yes, she is one of the most skilled knife throwers in all of Lotus Pier, though she only hits a bullseye nine out of ten times. No, she technically didn’t win the armwrestling competition but it was pretty close for most of the match. He even let Jin Zixuan in on some of the finer details - his sister’s favorite sweets, and what sort of weather would be perfect to take her out onto the docks for some late night snacks under the stars.

Wei Wuxian owed him so much more, but it was all he had at the moment. He owed Jin Zixuan, not just for helping him in this life, but for every tragedy that befell him in their first life. He owed Jin Zixuan everything, but for the time being he would have to settle for this letter.

Putting that one aside to dry, Wei Wuxian felt his heart skip in anticipation. He had saved Lan Zhan’s letter for last, knowing he would not be able to focus on any of the other’s if he read it first.

Opening the letter, he instantly felt a wash of safety flow over his shoulders. Even Lan Zhan’s handwriting filled him with a sense of calm.

Wei Ying,

Though it is not the same as hearing your voice, I long to receive your letters. The butterflies can only express so much, and I know how expressive you can be. I miss your laughter, and how it seemed to bring color to the Cloud Recesses.

I do have some less than savory news. Uncle has been digging into resentful energy. I don’t know if he realizes that I’m aware. I know my performance in his study left much to be desired, but I had believed Jiang Wanyin’s explanation had made enough sense that Uncle would leave the topic be. I was, unfortunately, incorrect. He knows something is wrong, and he won’t stop until he understands.

What a fool I have become without you near. I’m currently in the Library Pavillion, fulfilling punishment. I answered incorrectly in class, and performed my sword drills so poorly that the instructor sent me to the infirmary. Normally I would submit myself to punishment for being sloppy, but this time it was for allowing my traitorous mind to get in the way of my performance.

The mission we have set out to accomplish is more important than answering questions in class, yet I find myself distracted time and time again. I need to regain control, for I refuse to allow this weakness to affect you.

Wei Ying. I have found a book that made me think of you. While it may be hard for you to focus in class, I know you have a mind for learning. It is a book on botanicals, one we only just received. You mentioned once that in a previous life I gave you something similar. I wonder if it is the same book, or if I just so happened to find two similar books that made me think of you each time. The jargon is a bit dull if you are unfamiliar with the terms, but I know you are interested in gardening. I wish I had the opportunity to tell you in person, but I overheard you asking Jiang Wanyin if he thought it was possible to grow gentians in humid climates, such as Yunmeng. I have been doing research in my spare time, and I believe I might have a way to accomplish such an impossible feat.

I will tell you when we are reunited once more. I eagerly await your response, though I may find myself too eager. If you receive another letter from me before I receive yours, do not think too poorly of me.

Yours in every lifetime,

Lan Zhan

Wei Wuxian didn’t realize he was crying until water drops began appearing on the parchment. He briefly recalled mentioning what sort of book it was to Lan Zhan when he finally confessed his sins, but he couldn’t remember ever bringing up the conundrum about the gentians. All this time and Lan Zhan was still thinking of him?

When it was first mentioned, Lan Zhan said he hadn’t found anything that could prove gentians could grow in humid climates such as Lotus Pier, but in his letter he said he might have an idea. Even with everything going on, Lan Zhan still found the time to research something that had interested Wei Wuxian.

He carefully placed the letter aside and took out another sheet of bare parchment. He hesitated, wondering if he’d even be able to articulate his thoughts into tangible words. Finally he began to write.

My dearest Lan Zhan,

How good it is to hear from you! Seeing your letter was like being able to take a breath of fresh air after being underwater for too long. What sort of spell have you placed on me, Lan Zhan, to make me yearn for your comfort in such a way? It’s truly an impossible task to not run away in the middle of the night and return to your side. If I didn’t have duties to oversee in Lotus Pier, you would have felt a disturbance in your barriers days ago.

Jiang Cheng also mentioned Master Qiren’s sudden onset inquisitions. While I shouldn’t be surprised, I find myself feeling just that. Master Qiren is a brilliant man, so it only makes sense for him to see through our lies. If there’s any way to find out what he’s uncovered, we might be able to come up with an updated cover story. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more I wonder if being honest might be beneficial. He seemed to take my questioning about resorting to resentful energy with more grace than the questions deserved. Like I said - he’s a smart man. If we were to approach him honestly, he might be a valuable asset. That, and I worry that the more he sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong, the higher the chance becomes for him to accidentally hinder our goals.

Oh Lan Zhan, what I wouldn’t give to have seen your face in class! A close, trusted source has told me how magnificent of a sight it was, and I mourn the loss of the chance to bask in its glory in person. They say my Lan Zhan is as cold and emotionless as ice, but they don’t see what I do. My Lan Zhan isn’t either of those things - he has far more life in him than people seem to realize. It’s been an honor getting to see those sides of you up close, and to be present when the other’s get to see it too.

It is not a weakness to make mistakes. I cannot scold you fully, for I know it would make me nothing more than a hypocrite. Maybe that’s why I feel so confident when I tell you that errors like that don’t define what sort of man you are. You cannot be perfect all the time and that’s alright. While you are perfect to me, I understand that it’s your imperfections that make my heart warm as well as the parts of you that are truly flawless. Please do not punish yourself too much, not for something like that. If you feel your performance is flagging, double down. Do not allow your mind to poison your heart.

Do you really think it’s possible to grow gentians in Yunmeng? There’s a patch of pure white lotus blossoms that recently opened up, and I can’t help but wonder what the two flowers together would look like. I think they’d be quite stunning side by side. Maybe one day we can try to grow them together. I know it’s a little off topic, but since my mind is on flowers, I wanted to share something. I have no hope that I will be able to avoid something as important to the timeline as the Burial Mounds, so I’ve been thinking of ways to make living there more bearable.

I've come across two types of plants that supposedly thrive in poor conditions. One can be used to relieve pain while the other can aid in sleep and relaxation. Both have beautiful flowers. It may be frivolous of me, but I wonder if I’d be able to grow them in the Burial Mounds. We had very little time or ability to give even a moment’s thought to anything beyond survival, but medicinal properties aside I think flowers might help morale. In my first life, my dizi was one of the few things that kept the Wens morale from crashing entirely. I wonder if flowers might aid their spiritual survival. What do you think, Lan Zhan? Am I being silly, thinking about such things when there’s so much I must do before the war begins?

Oh Lan Zhan, how the next few weeks seem so daunting. I have so much I must accomplish, but all I can do is count down the days until we can be reunited again. All I can really do is hope my work doesn’t suffer due to these distractions. I will write as often as I can, I swear. I meant to write sooner, but I’ve spent every waking minute trying to subtly alter the sword drills to prepare the disciples for war. I don’t know how much it will actually help, but at least I can say I tried, right?

I loathe to say so, but I must finish this letter now. Shijie will be knocking on my door shortly and I can’t possibly make her wait. Since you professed how you yearn to hear from me, I will make an effort to send a letter every day, even if it’s just to ramble about my day. You can’t complain, Lan Zhan! You brought this upon yourself.

Yours in every timeline,

Wei Ying

He quickly began sealing the letters and addressing them properly. The mail wasn’t as swift as the butterflies, but he knew they would be delivered within a few days. He could wait that long to hear a response, he told himself as he began folding Lan Zhan’s letter. It was too late to post them that evening, but he would make sure they went out first thing in the morning, before he went to the training fields.

“A-Xian? Are you ready?” A knock came from the door, just as he knew it would.

“Yes!” He slipped the letters from his friends under his mattress for safekeeping before going to greet his sister. Jiang Yanli was already grinning when he opened the door, her usual robes of beautiful, flowing silks had been replaced with more sensible ones in a darker color pallet. She was still as radiant as ever, but she wasn’t as obviously the daughter of a Sect Leader in such attire.

“Shall we, then?” She giggled as he fell into step beside her.

“You know I love it when you plan surprises for me,” He whispered as they slipped out the back gates. Lotus Pier was surrounded by lakes, but there was a patch of trees that resided just behind the sect compound. No one but YunmengJiang was able to access the forest, but it was mostly used to training. Otherwise, it was left to its own devices. “But can’t you give your A-Xian a hint? Just one little hint?”

“We’ll be there soon,” She giggled again, putting a finger over her mouth to remind him to be quiet. “Where’s the fun in ruining the surprise so soon?”

Wei Wuxian chuckled but didn’t argue. How could he, when the look on her face was so filled with mischievous joy? She led him deeper into the forest only to stop abruptly at the mouth of one of the clearings that used to be used for training. It had since been retired, since the ground had become worn from the weather. Nature had reclaimed the clearing quite well, nearly erasing the existence of humans entirely.

“Wh-” Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened as the moonlight filtered through the branches, casting a brilliant glow on the field of plants below it. He was reminded of the night on the rooftop, when the same moonlight made Lan Zhan look like a Martial God rather than a disciple of fifteen.

“We made it just in time,” Jiang Yanli whispered in awe. “I was worried we would miss it.”

Wei Wuxian was speechless as he watched the tightly closed buds begin to unfurl under the cool touch of the moon’s beams. Their petals curled out, exposing the near blinding white of their inner membranes.

“Moon flowers,” She glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “They only bloom under the light of the full moon. I’ve been planning on coming out to see them open up ever since I stumbled across the clearing, but being able to share this with you makes it all the better.”

“They’re almost as beautiful as you.” He chuckled, but there was already an image forming in his mind’s eye. His hand itched to hold a brush so he could recreate such an ethereal portrait.

“That silver tongue of yours...” She giggled, turning her attention back to the flowers. The final blossoms were finally fully open, showing them a sea of flowers all reaching up towards the moon.

Wei Wuxian wasn’t sure how long they stayed on the fringes of the clearing, admiring the beauty of the flowers. It was late by the time he made it back to his room - later than even he was used to staying up - but his mind was racing. There was no way he’d be able to sleep before he attempted to get his thoughts out on paper.

It took several attempts, but eventually the sketch was perfect. It was similar to one he had done before, long ago - in another life. It was of a familiar boy sitting at a low desk, surrounded by piles of books and scrolls. Unlike the first drawing, the boy in this one was smiling softly at something off page, his eyes turning up just a hair as his head tilted to the side. His hand was lifted slightly, as if he were in the process of reaching out for something - or for someone.

The final detail he added was a moon flower tucked in the boy’s hair, nearly completely covering the ear that held endearing shading that wasn’t found anywhere else on the boy’s face. Wei Wuxian felt a twinge of regret that he wasn’t planning on keeping it, but he told himself he could recreate it another day.

Taking out a new piece of paper, he wrote a quick note. Both the note and the picture would be added to one of the letters going out in the morning. After finishing the note, Wei Wuxian finally laid down to rest. It was too late to get any proper sleep, but he could close his eyes for a while before he was needed for training once more.

Lan Zhan,

I’m glad I didn’t send the letter already! Shijie brought me to see the moon flowers blossoming and while they were beautiful, all I could think about was how much prettier they would be with someone else by my side. Forgive my shamelessness, but I couldn’t help but send a little gift. I painted for you once before, but you weren’t too happy to receive it. Hopefully this time, my hard work will be appreciated a little more~

Something tells me you’ll be in my dreams tonight, Lan Zhan. Will I be in yours?

Yours, until the end and then a day after,

Wei Ying

Chapter Text

“Do you see them yet?” Jiang Yanli asked, tugging on Wei Wuxian’s sleeve. Wei Wuxian just chuckled and used his free hand to block the glare from the sun, looking out towards the direction of Gusu.

“Not yet,” He said, as he had the last three times she had asked him. “Though we should get a visual on them soon. Jiang Cheng’s letter said they would be arriving before supper.”

“I’m so nervous,” Jiang Yanli whispered, standing a little closer to her brother. “What if...”

“There’s no point in worrying about the ‘what if’ when you should be focusing on the moment,” he said sagely, as if he had any room to talk. “When he gets here, you’re going to charm the gold right off his robes.”

His sister didn’t say anything, her eyes still glued to the horizon. Wei Wuxian chuckled again, looking out towards the water. It had been almost two weeks since they had gotten the news, and of course Wei Wuxian had to pretend to be completely surprised.

“A-Xian! A-Xian! You’ll never believe it!” Jiang Yanli came running over to where her brother was lounging on a tree branch. He lifted the straw hat from his eyes and smiled at her before swinging his legs around to land quietly on the ground below.

“What is it?” He asked with a laugh. She all but threw herself in his arms, her grin wider than the horizon.

“Young Master Jin wrote to Father!” She exclaimed. “He requested to come to Lotus Pier with the intent to meet me properly!”

“Oh?” He knew this was coming, but the joy on her face made his heart soar.

“He’ll be returning with A-Cheng once lectures are over,” She continued excitedly. “He stated that they cut off the betrothal due to the distance between us, but he wishes to meet me and decide if we wish to continue with the betrothal.”

“That’s amazing, Shijie,” Wei Wuxian hugged her tightly. “I’m so happy for you!”

“Now A-Xian,” She pulled back from the embrace and dug her pointer finger into her brother’s shoulder, making him wince. “You listen to me! I don’t want you to torment the poor thing once he gets here, do you understand me? I know the reason you were sent home, and I don’t want any of that nonsense when he’s here.”

“I understand,” He put his hands up in a placating manner. “I swear I’ll behave. I’ll even make sure Jiang Cheng behaves, just for you.”

“I know you will,” Her face softened. “Ah, I’m just so excited. I want this to go well...”

“It will,” he said with complete certainty. “I have a feeling it’ll go even better than expected.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, tilting her head a little to the side.

“Ah, ignore me,” He waved her off. “I’m just rambling. Tell me, do you have an outfit planned for his arrival? And if not, shall this humble A-Xian offer some assistance in choosing?”

“You know me too well,” She sighed, hanging her head. “I have no idea! Well, I have too many ideas, which is the problem. I can’t decide!”

“Show me which ones you’re stuck between and I’ll give my honest opinion.” He grinned when she simply scoffed.

“You’ll say every outfit is perfect,” She countered with a pout. “You and A-Cheng are completely useless when it comes to this sort of thing! I’ll never be able to make a decision with you complimenting every single set of robes!”

“I think I have an idea on what the Peacock might like,” His grin sharpened a touch. “Do you trust me?”

“Slightly less, now that you said it like that,” She deadpanned before giggling, covering her mouth with her sleeve. “Of course I trust you, A-Xian. Come, let me show you what I have in mind.”

Wei Wuxian allowed himself to be pulled towards her chambers - something he would be beaten for should Madam Yu catch wind. Thankfully, Wei Wuxian had gotten very astute at understanding the warnings his resentful energy gave him whenever the demon woman came too close. 

“Is that the boat?” She tugged on his arm hard enough to make him lose balance for a moment. As he caught himself, he squinted against the bright rays of the sun to make out a faint blur on the horizon.

“I think it is.” He couldn’t help but grin. It had been nearly three months since he had seen his brother, and he found he was actually looking forward to their reunion. The first time it had been almost awkward, neither boy knew what to say. Jiang Cheng had still been upset about Wei Wuxian being sent home, and was immediately bombarded by his parents. They didn’t have a lot of time to reconnect.

“Left you on welcome duty, did they?” A familiar voice scoffed. Wei Wuxian grinned as the boat hit the dock they were standing on.

“Would you have preferred someone else?”

“A-Jie would have been a perfect welcome party on her own,” Jiang Cheng tried and failed to fight off a grin of his own as he hopped off the boat with far more grace than Jin Zixuan did. The older boy stumbled once his feet were on solid ground, immediately looking horrified as he tried to keep his cracking composure. “No need to see your sorry face as soon as we return.”

“All this time apart has really addled your memory,” Wei Wuxian laughed as he scooped his brother into a hug. Jiang Cheng fought the embrace for a moment before resigning himself to his fate. “You forgot how handsome I am! What a travesty, truly.”

“As if I had the chance to forget given how Lan Wangji kept lamenting over the loss of it,” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes. Wei Wuxian startled, pulling back from the embrace. “You should have seen how pathetic he looked when he tried drawing a portrait of you. If it wasn’t so sad I might have laughed but even I found it hard to laugh at a man who looked like a kicked puppy.”

Wei Wuxian blinked out of habit at the comparison but he found he wasn’t all that scared anymore. He hadn’t had to face that particular fear since he woke up in class again, but he realized the mention of a dog alone didn't fill him with the same fear it had in the past. Was he finally healing? Or was he just so desensitized to the things that used to stir emotion in him?

“Wei Wuxian,” Jin Zixuan bowed his head a little in greeting. “I’m glad to see you healed well.”

“As if you could hit me hard enough to leave lasting damage,” Wei Wuxian tried to scoff, but it was hard to stick to the plan. He didn’t think it would be hard to act as though he and the Jin heir were still at odds, but seeing Jin Zixuan in person again after months of detailed, thorough correspondence made it hard to keep up airs. “You look marginally more symmetrical than the last time I saw you.”

“Jiang Wanyin complained of the loss of the opportunity to even out the bruising,” Jin Zixuan deadpanned, but by the way the corner of his mouth twitched upwards, Wei Wuxian could tell he was holding back a smile. “Though I’ll be in Lotus Pier for two weeks... I’m sure there will be ample opportunities for him to follow through.”

“I do hope you enjoy your stay in Yunmeng,” Wei Wuxian gave a cheeky grin as he gave the older boy a lazy bow. “It’s not as magnificent as Koi Tower, so this humble disciple apologizes in advance.”

“Oh shut up,” Jin Zixuan flushed, crossing his arms. “The ‘humble disciple’ act is painful coming from you.”

“You wound me,” Wei Wuxian put an affronted hand to his chest. “I am nothing if not genuine and sincere! Do you think so lowly of this disciple to accuse him of putting on an act?”

“It’s good to see you again, Wei Wuxian.” Jin Zixuan’s face softened. Wei Wuxian dropped the smirk and offered the older boy a much warmer smile.

“It’s been too long,” He hummed. He itched to pull Jin Zixuan into an embrace but he restrained himself. “You have no idea how much I’ve appreciated your letters. No one else thought to give me such detailed reports! If it weren’t for you, I would have been left in the dark... but now I know about the night with the flowers...”

“Gods no,” Jin Zixuan paled. “If he finds out you know about that, he’ll know I was the one who told you. He’ll kill me!”

“I’ll protect you from Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian swore, reaching out and punching the older boy gently on the arm. “But he’s not the one you need to watch out for.”

“What do you-”

“Young Master Jin,” Jiang Yanli stepped away from Jiang Cheng, where she had been greeting her brother while Jin Zixuan and Wei Wuxian bickered. She bowed deeply, hiding her shy smile with her sleeves. “Welcome to Lotus Pier. I do hope the trip was agreeable.”

“Young Master Jiang helped steer the boat without any complications,” Jin Zixuan hummed, unable to look her in the eye. “It was smooth sailing...”

“That’s good to hear,” She giggled lightly. “Would you like a tour of Lotus Pier? I believe we have some time before supper, and I would be honored to be the one to show you around.”

“That-that sounds lovely, Maiden Jiang,” The blush was beginning to creep along his cheeks. “I would-I would be honored if you-you’d show me your home.”

“Oh gods above this is rich,” Jiang Cheng muttered into Wei Wuxian’s ear. “He’s been a mess since we left the Cloud Recesses.”

“This is even funnier than I thought it would be,” Wei Wuxian was trying his hardest not to laugh. “He looks like he’s drowning.”

“Wonderful,” Jiang Yanli covered her smile with her sleeve. “Come with me, then.”

“Should we step in?” Jiang Cheng watched warily as Jin Zixuan trailed a step behind their sister, looking like a duckling following his mother.

“Nah,” Wei Wuxian grinned. “Let him suffer.”

“You’re a monster,” Jiang Cheng snorted, fighting a smirk. Wei Wuxian winced before he could stop himself. His brother’s laughter instantly stopped, his eyes widening in horror as he finally processed what he said. “Wait, no-”

“It’s fine,” Wei Wuxian curled his shoulders up, as if it could protect him. “You didn’t mean it like that.”

“Still-”

“You should go to the main hall,” Wei Wuxian tried to give him a smile. By the way the younger boy’s brow furrowed, it wasn’t as reassuring as he had hoped it would be. “I’m sure Uncle Fengmian and Madam Yu are waiting for you to go greet them.”

“Shit,” Jiang Cheng scowled. “I really don’t want to face them right now.”

“I’ll fill you in fully later, but I’m sure we’ll have an easier time avoiding your Mother this time around.”

“That’s not cryptic or anything,” Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes before sombering. He gave his brother a heavy look before frowning. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’ve been fine without you for the last few months, haven’t I?” Wei Wuxian grinned.

“Well, you’re in one piece - as far as I can see, at least.” Jiang Cheng deadpanned, earning a genuine laugh.

“I’ll be fine,” Wei Wuxian assured him. “Just don’t make me wait too long. I have a lot to fill you in on and I don’t like waiting.”

“That’s one thing I know all too well,” Jiang Cheng sighed. “I have something for you, by the way. I’ll give it to you later.”

“What?” Wei Wuxian blinked. “What is it?”

“It’s packed away with my things,” The younger boy snapped, his ears reddening. Wei Wuxian found his interest growing at the reaction. “I said I’ll give it to you later!”

“Fine...” He pouted, earning a smack to the back of the head.

“Okay, I guess I’ll be off then.”

“A bit of a warning,” Wei Wuxian whispered. “Madam Yu might be in a worse mood than usual.”

“What did you do this time!?”

“Nothing!” He put his hands up.

“I don’t believe you!” Jiang Cheng jabbed a finger into Wei Wuxian’s shoulder. “You love getting into shit!”

“I swear,” Wei Wuxian clung to his brother dramatically. “Jiang Cheng you have to believe me~ When I said I did nothing, I genuinely meant it! She’s pissed that I’ve managed to avoid her at every turn. She’s been trying to corner me so she can find some fault with what I’m doing but I’ve been able to avoid her.”

“Idiot,” Jiang Cheng hung his head. “I genuinely thought you got yourself into some bullshit again.”

“I promised I would behave, didn’t I?” Wei Wuxian punched him gently. “I can’t afford to get in trouble right now.”

“And it better stay that way,” Jiang Cheng threatened him. “I’ll find you later. If you come across the Peacock before I’m done with my parents, maybe take some pity on him? He looked like he was going to throw up as A-Jie pulled him away.”

“If the opportunity arises, I shall be the savior of our dearest friend,” Wei Wuxian swore. “In the meantime, I’ll see if I can get my notes together. It’ll take some time to explain everything I’ve been doing, so having my paperwork in order is more than important.”

“I have things to fill you in on too,” Jiang Cheng nodded. “I know I tried to keep you updated through the letters, but there’s much I wasn’t able to translate into Nie Huaisang’s code and have it still make sense.”

“I’m glad I’m not the only one who had that problem,” Wei Wuxian huffed. “It was a chore to have to reword everything to fit our special little language.”

“I should go,” Jiang Cheng seemed hesitant. “I’ll find you.”

“Mhm, don’t keep them waiting much longer.”

“It’s good to see you again,” Jiang Cheng said abruptly, making Wei Wuxian blink in mild shock. The younger boy hesitated before pulling his brother into a tight, if not a little awkward, embrace. “I... I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” He admitted, wrapping his arms around Jiang Cheng in return. “I didn’t think it would suck as badly as it did...”

“We’re back together now,” Jiang Cheng said as he pulled away. “We don’t have to worry about being separated for a long while.”

“Mhm.” He hummed, waving his hands to shoo Jiang Cheng along. The younger boy waved before jogging away from the dock, leaving Wei Wuxian alone. He stayed there for a moment, taking in the gentle sounds of the water lapping against the wood he stood upon and the songs of the world around him before sighing.

His work was never done.

He sat beside Jiang Cheng, his seat the closest to the door. Jin Zixuan sat closest to the front, in the place of honor, while Jiang Yanli sat between him and her youngest brother. Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu sat on the raised dais, an extravagant feast set out in front of them. Wei Wuxian’s hand itched to fiddle with something but he sat completely still, his spine as straight as it could go. The food before him looked delicious, prepared with the utmost care to showcase the cuisine of Yunmeng for Young Master Jin. Despite how the duck glistened and the vegetables shone with his favorite shade of crimson, he had no appetite.

“It was quite the pleasant surprise to receive your letter, Young Master Jin,” Madam Yu broke the terse silence. “Your mother and I have been in contact over the whole ordeal and it just shows what sort of leader you will become to take the initiative.”

“Thank you, Jiang Furen,” Jin Zixuan said after a moment. “The betrothal between myself and Maidan Jiang has been a part of my future for as long as I can remember, but realizing that I didn’t actually know the woman I would be marrying made me wish to rectify that.”

“Our A-Li is a wonderful young woman,” Jiang Fengmian chimed in with a calm smile on his face. “While her cultivation isn’t the highest, she has many other talents.”

“Strong cultivation isn’t the important thing to focus on when meeting a future spouse,” Jin Zixuan hummed. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng could hear the edge to his words. “Their character, and who they are as a person is far more valuable.”

“It was good luck on her behalf to be born a woman,” Madam Yu remarked as she took a sip of her wine. “Being an heir without the power to support the title is unbecoming.”

Wei Wuxian gripped his chopsticks tightly, feeling the wood crack slightly. He wanted nothing more than to let the demonic whispers take over and show that horrid woman what sort of destruction he was truly capable of - but he held it back. His head throbbed painfully, seeming to dance in time with the bile that lapped at the back of his tongue. If his sister hadn’t been present, he might have had a harder time holding his true feelings back.

“Do you have something you would like to add, Wei Wuxian?” She spat his name like a curse.

“I’m afraid this one doesn’t know what you mean.” He ground out, trying to control his breathing - in through his nose, out through his mouth. He was shaking with the effort to remain calm.

Kill her. How dare she say such things about Shijie? Shijie is a thousand times the woman Madam Yu could ever hope to be. What a horrid wretch. It would be so easy to remove the burden of her head from her body. Why do you keep letting her get away with treating you and the ones you love in such a way? The disrespect will not go unpunished. One way or another she will pay, and we will be there to ensure the pain is worth her weight in gold, just for you. Let us hurt her. Let us help you. We want to see her bleed as much as you do. We want her dead as much as you do-

“Clearly there’s something you wish to add,” She scoffed, putting her cup down, just hard enough for the sound of porcelain hitting wood to echo through the room. “So be my guest! Share your thoughts with the rest of us.”

“I simply believe that Shijie is a shining example of what YunmengJiang stands for,” He ground out, his vision going red around the edges. He bowed his head slightly, just so his bangs could cover the crimson that had invaded the usual silver. “I don’t see the purpose in disregarding all her efforts for Yunmeng.”

“I wasn’t disregarding anything,” She snapped in return. “Why must everything that comes out of your mouth be disrespectful and vulgar?”

“Mother-” Jiang Yanli tried to speak up, only to flinch and bow her head when Madam Yu turned her glare to her daughter.

“You’ve coddled him far too much,” She sneered. “Look at how he disrespect the Jiang name, not only in front of the sect leader and heir, but in front of our guest as well. How much embarrassment must we endure on your behalf?”

“You-” Wei Wuxian could feel his hair curling at the ends as the whispers grew louder.

Kill her. Kill her. Who does she think she is, speaking to you in such a way? You are a god compared to her. A pathetic woman, believing she has the right to speak to you with such malice. Cut her tongue from her venomous mouth and see how strong she is. Watch her crumble at your feet, begging for your forgiveness. Don’t you want to see her beg? Don’t you want to see her bleed-

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng hissed, placing a hand on his brother’s knee. Wei Wuxian calmed a fraction, taking a long, shuddering breath into his aching lungs. His head cleared enough to hear Jiang Fengmian changing the subject, asking Jin Zixuan about Lotus Pier and what he thought of it so far. “Here.”

“What?” It felt like he was submerged in water, his hearing tinny and his skin too loose on his frame. Under the table, Jiang Cheng handed him something. He glanced down at it and felt all the fogginess in his mind immediately vanish.

In his shaking hands was a white handkerchief, its delicate blue embroidery creating a beautiful scene on the soft fabric. A pulse of familiar spiritual energy came from the handkerchief, and Wei Wuxian found himself suddenly having to swallow back tears.

“Lan Wangji asked me to give this to you,” Jiang Cheng whispered. “He worked some sort of spell into the embroidery but he wouldn’t tell me what it did. I don’t know how he managed to give it to me without dying of shame - I almost passed out from embarrassment just from being asked to be the messenger.”

“Lan Zhan...” Wei Wuxian breathed to himself, running a thumb over the delicate threat work. He felt another pulse of energy, as if Lan Zhan himself was there comforting him. He found himself smiling as he tucked the handkerchief into his robes, close to his heart.

“Just a little longer and we can escape this hell,” Jiang Cheng muttered into his bowl, purposely keeping his eyes down. “This has been absolutely mortifying...”

“I hope Jin Zixuan doesn’t think any less of Shijie because of me,” Wei Wuxian pretended to take a bite, only to return the chili coated food back to his bowl. “I swear I tried to behave...”

“I know,” Jiang Cheng said instantly. Wei Wuxian didn’t know why the immediate reassurance calmed the remaining fire in him, but it did. “She provoked you on purpose. You were right - she’s even more pissed off that she hasn’t been able to punish you for anything... she even made a comment about it to me earlier.”

“Later.” Wei Wuxian felt the resentful energy spike, which meant the woman in question turned her attention to him. Even without looking up from his bowl, Wei Wuxian could feel her eyes boring holes into the top of his head.

Wei Wuxian wouldn’t admit it outright, but Jin Zixuan’s ability to bullshit all but saved their meal. The older boy prattled on about the beauties and wonders of Lotus Pier, which seemed to captivate the two adults enough to make them forget about what Madam Yu had been trying to do earlier. By the time their bowls were empty, there was little that needed to be said before they were bowing and scuttling out of the hall.

“Young Master Jin,” Jiang Yanli frowned as soon as they were out of earshot of anyone who might be listening in. “I can’t apologize enough-”

“There’s no need to apologize,” Jin Zixuan assured her instantly. “Jiang Wanyin gave me plenty of warning, so I knew what I was getting myself into... honestly if she hadn’t called Wei Wuxian out, I might have done something drastic.”

“There’s no need for that!” She exclaimed, hands flying up to cover her mouth.

“I couldn’t bear to hear your own mother speak about you in such a way,” Jin Zixuan growled, his eyes narrowing a fraction. “It filled me with fury the likes of which I am... unfamiliar with.”

“Unfortunately one of the first things you learn in Lotus Pier is to not let her affect you,” Wei Wuxian chuckled. “The second thing is never let the disciples goad you into swimming across the southern lake, no matter how they might taunt or bribe you.”

“What? Why?”

“The third thing is never trust Wei Wuxian’s cooking unless you have a death wish or something to prove,” Jiang Cheng chimed in with a shit-eating grin. Wei Wuxian cried out in mock offense, putting a hand to his chest. “Do you have something to prove, Young Master Jin?”

“If I am presented with a challenge, I will not back down from it,” Jin Zixuan tried to say with confidence, only for the words to fall flat as his strength wavered at the sight of the grin on Wei Wuxian’s face. “Oh... I’m going to regret saying that, aren’t I?”

“Absolutely.” Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian both replied at the same time.

“Young Master Jin,” Jiang Yanli captured his attention again. “Thank you, for wishing to defend me so strongly, and for giving our betrothal a second chance.”

“I-I-I just- I just didn’t think it right to go into a marriage without ever properly meeting,” He stuttered awkwardly. “I know we’ve-we’ve been acquainted in the past but-but not... not in a way that could... you know...”

“Prove if we could be a love match?” She finished his sentence for him, having to hide her giggle behind her hand when he blushed and nodded. “Well, I for one am looking forward to the next two weeks. Maybe tomorrow I could show you how to peel lotus seeds? There’s a large patch of lotus plants in the western lake that should be ready to harvest any day now.”

“That sounds lovely,” He calmed down enough to shoot her a shy smile. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

“Sleep well, Young Master Jin,” She smiled warmly at him. “I will see you in the morning.”

She bowed low and excused herself, disappearing behind a building in the direction of the inner family’s courtyard. Jin Zixuan stood speechless, watching her leave with wide eyes and blush across his face.

“Someone’s smitten~” Wei Wuxian teased, poking the older boy’s cheek.

“Wh- what are you talking about?” He spluttered in turn, pulling back as his blush darkened.

Wei Wuxian grinned before surging forward. Now that they were alone, he gave into his impulse to pull Jin Zixuan into a tight embrace. Jin Zixuan squawked a little as Wei Wuxian lifted him off the ground, spinning him around before letting him stumble back to his feet.

“It really is good to see you again,” Wei Wuxian’s eyes turned up with his smile. “I never thought I’d say this, but I missed picking on you.”

“And I can’t believe I’m saying this either,” Jin Zixuan sighed. “But... it wasn’t the same without you. I’m glad to see you too, Wei Wuxian.”

“Let’s go back to my room,” Wei Wuxian said to cover the way he flushed a little at the sudden, genuine confession. “I have much to fill you in on.”

“This is genius.” Jin Zixuan breathed as he looked over the papers in his hands. He and Jiang Cheng were seated on Wei Wuxian’s bed, while Wei Wuxian himself was pacing the room as he explained what they were seeing.

“I’m going to need your help,” Wei Wuxian said. “I started placing the protective arrays around Lotus Pier, but it’s hard doing it all on my own. Especially when I have disciples following me around like lost ducklings at all waking hours.”

“When the Wen’s attacked, where did they enter from?” Jiang Cheng asked. He was studying a map of Lotus Pier that Wei Wuxian had sketched out, his eyes flitting between the marks his brother had made noting where the arrays had already been placed.

“I was in the throne room when Wang Lingjiao shot off the flare,” Wei Wuxian bit his thumbnail as he recalled that horrid night. “I was... not in my right mind at that point, but I think the first wave of Wens came through the front gate. By the time I had the strength to run, I was able to see them approaching from the training fields too. I can only assume they broke through the west wall.”

“I see...” Jiang Cheng hummed. Standing, he went over to the desk and grabbed a fresh piece of paper. Using the piece of charcoal Wei Wuxian had left there, he quickly sketched something. Once he was finished, he held the drawing up. “The walls are built like this, as of now.”

The paper showed what appeared to be a half section of the walls that surround Lotus Pier. It showed how there was a wall of brick underneath the layer of clay and sand that hardened between the stones that formed the familiar walls.

“For them to break through, they would have had to use some serious force,” Jiang Cheng continued. “As of now, there isn’t much I can think of to do to reinforce the walls without notice. We could, of course, form a series of metal lattices to create another layer of support, but that would be expensive and obvious.”

“We could- no, that wouldn’t work...” Wei Wuxian trailed off, running a hand through his bangs.

“At this point, any idea could be helpful.” Jin Zixuan hummed.

“What were you thinking?” Jiang Cheng asked, handing the paper to his brother. Wei Wuxian took it, studying the sketch for a moment.

“When I was in the Burial Mounds, I came up with all sorts of arrays and spells,” He furrowed his brow a little. “Some of them were successful and useful, while some were more fantastical and impossible... I had one that I never thought would work. Thankfully, I had Qing-jie there with her expertise in medicine. She was able to spot the errors in my sketches and we managed to make it work.”

“And what was it?”

“It was a talisman to repair broken bones,” He felt his eyes sting a little as he recalled the moment he had successfully created the talisman. Wen Qing tried to remain stoic, but even he could see how her hands trembled as they applied the talisman paper to A-Yuan’s little ankle. “A-Yuan had tripped and snapped his ankle. It had been a clean break, which in any other situation would have healed easily - only it wasn’t any other situation. He was starving, and was far too young to have even begun forming any sort of core. It would have taken months for him to heal, and he would never have healed properly... not without the right rest and nutrition.”

“And you said it worked?” Jiang Cheng asked, the look on his face telling Wei Wuxian that the younger boy was already hatching a plan.

“It healed perfectly,” Wei Wuxian announced. “Not only that, but after that, A-Yuan seemed to change his dominant side. He was right handed, but after the talisman healed his left ankle, he always used his left leg as his support when he played rather than his right, as he had before. We couldn’t replicate the talisman in mass quantities, because getting our hands on proper talisman paper was next to impossible but when we did manage to get some, I would make one or two. It saved a few of the Wen’s lives, if I’m being honest. They were old, and sickly, but they still had to farm and hunt as much as possible. Accidents were common occurrences, but being able to heal and strengthen bones was enough to prevent inevitable infections.”

“You were thinking about using the talisman to repair any cracks in the foundation and strengthen the walls,” Jiang Cheng said, looking straight at his brother. “Right?”

“I- yeah,” Wei Wuxian blinked, a little surprised that Jiang Cheng was able to piece together his scattered musings so quickly. “But I doubt it would work the way I’m imagining. The talisman is to heal living beings. I don’t know how the application to an inanimate object would work, if it would do anything at all.”

“I mean, could it hurt to try?” Jin Zixuan asked. “Would there be any adverse effects should it not work?”

“I don’t believe so,” Wei Wuxian shook his head. He went over to his desk and picked up a blank piece of talisman paper, turning it over in his hand. It was still a little strange, having so many things at his fingertips - things he had to fight and kill and steal for in a previous life. Things like food, paper, and clothing. Things that were necessities for life. Things the Wens weren’t lucky enough to have - things he wasn’t strong enough to provide for them. “I believe the worst that would happen is the talisman would burn up since it wouldn’t be able to fulfill its purpose.”

“So there’s no harm in trying,” Jin Zixuan nodded. “Ideally, the walls will be stronger than before. If not, we’re back to square one and we’ll just have to start over again.”

“We should focus on the west wall but if it works it wouldn’t hurt to re-enforce the other walls as well,” Jiang Cheng nodded. “We will survive this attack from the Wens, but when we change the timeline, we won’t be able to predict if there will be any other attacks.”

“I began putting the protection arrays on the front gate,” Wei Wuxian added. “I managed to hide the array in the wood the same way the array in the stone of the Cloud Recesses’ bath house was hidden. I wasn’t entirely sure it would work, but thankfully it did. I only managed one so far, but I have plans to put several more layers to it before we’re called away for the Qishan discussion conference.”

“How much time do we have until then?”

“Not much longer. It’s at the end of the summer... The Lan disciples participating in the archery competition will beat everyone, and Wen Rouhan will take it as a personal affront to be beaten at his own conference. The Cloud Recesses will be attacked shortly after, and the reeducation will follow swiftly after.”

“So we have until the end of the summer to get everything settled.” Jiang Cheng scoffed, crossing his arms.

“The reeducation follows swiftly, but not immediately,” Jin Zixuan reminded them. “We have at least a short while to wrap up loose ends after the discussion conference. It might not be much time, but any time is valuable.”

“You’re right,” Wei Wuxian conceded. “And at the discussion conference we’ll be able to speak with Lan Zhan and Nie Huaisang in person again. We’ll have to be sneaky, but being able to see them and converse with them outside of letters will be helpful.”

“We should remind them of that,” Jiang Cheng announced, walking back over to the bed and sitting down on the mattress. The sudden movement made Jin Zixuan slide down, bumping his shoulder into Jiang Cheng’s before quickly righting himself. “It’s not that I believe them dim enough to forget, but it’ll be a good opportunity for them to come up with excuses as to why we need to be alone together.”

“It’ll be annoying trying to sneak away,” Wei Wuxian agreed. “We might only have one real chance to speak if we want to avoid raising suspicions.”

“This is going to be... impossible,” Jin Zixuan sighed, placing his head in his hands. “I... I just keep telling myself that- that no matter how painful this becomes, it’ll be worth it one day. That no matter how scared I am, it will be worth it because one day I’ll have the opportunity to hold my son with my wife by my side. I’ll be able to fix the cracks of LanlingJin and bring my home into a brighter era... but I have to survive this first, and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if there’s even a chance of winning.”

“Of course there is,” Jiang Cheng snapped immediately. “We have proof that it’s possible to win the war.”

“But at what cost?” The older boy snarled in return, making Jiang Cheng blink, his jaw clicking shut. “Yes, we won the war the first time, but how many people died? Cultivators, yes, but civilians as well? We won, but Wei Wuxian had to give up everything to do so! He says we won, but did we really? Or were we simply the unfortunate survivors left to sweep up the ashes? And-and I didn’t even survive, did I!? After everything, I-I didn’t even get to see my son grow up! I never- I-I-I-”

“We’ll win,” Wei Wuxian surged forward and pulled the older boy into his chest, letting Jin Zixuan hide his tears in his shoulder. “We’ll win the war and we’ll have the ending we didn’t have before... I swear you’ll get to see your son grow into a brilliant cultivator this time. I’ll swear on anything you want that we'll be happy this time...”

“How? How can you promise such a thing?” Jin Zixuan’s despondent voice was muffled by the fabric of Wei Wuxian’s robes. His fingers dug into Wei Wuxian’s arms, as if he were fighting with himself between pushing him away and holding him closer. “Gods above we’re just children! How-how are we supposed to survive this war? How-how are we supposed to come out the other side with our souls still intact? I have no blood on my hands! None of us do - and yet we’re going to be leading the front lines? They’re sending children to be slaughtered!”

“There’s no such thing as an ethical war,” Jiang Cheng murmured, looking down at his boots. He crossed his arms, but even from the corner of his eye Wei Wuxian could tell it was a self-soothing motion. “But we can minimize the impact. We can fight with everything we have so others don’t have to suffer as much. We’ll make it to the other side of the war, with blood on our blades and scars on our skin, but we’ll still be standing. No matter how impossible it seems, we have no choice but to win.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Wei Wuxian whispered into the crown of Jin Zixuan’s head. “Any of you... I don’t know why I was cursed to relive this nightmare, but if I can use it to keep you all alive, I’ll end my own life as many times as it takes. I’ll accept the marks on my body as badges of honor if receiving them means you’ll get to see the sun rise at the end of this crimson night.”

“A-Xian-” Jin Zixuan’s head flew up, the motion making the younger boy take a step back. Wei Wuxian was still holding his arms, but now there was enough space between them for Wei Wuxian to get a good look at Jin Zixuan’s face.

He was a mess, his eyes bloodshot and his cheeks blotchy. His hair was in disarray, falling across his face in a most uncouth way but while they were within those four walls, there was no need for formal airs. In Wei Wuxian’s childhood room, the one he never thought he would see again, they were free to be as raw as they needed.

Jin Zixuan’s reddened eyes widened when he realized what he had said. He spluttered for a moment, trying to backtrack only to fall silent when he heard a soft chuckle.

“One day with Shijie and you’ve already adopted her way of speaking,” He offered the older boy a tired smile. “She’s rubbing off on you.”

“I apologize,” Jin Zixuan looked aside, ashamed. “I don’t deserve to-”

“Call me anything you wish,” Wei Wuxian cut him off. “I believe we’ve gotten close enough for that, at least.”

“Anything but his birth name.” Jiang Cheng scoffed, fighting a small smirk.

“Huh?” Wei Wuxian blinked. “If he wants to call me Wei Ying, I don’t see why it would be a problem-”

“And have Lan Wangji mark him as an enemy for life?” Jiang Cheng raised a single eyebrow. “We have too much to worry about without your precious little Lan harboring animosity over something so petty.”

“Wh-” Wei Wuxian instantly flushed, feeling the heat radiating from the top of his head down to his fingers. “Why would Lan Zhan-?”

“Gods above you really are as dense as you are brilliant...” Jin Zixuan muttered, glancing to the side. Wei Wuxian’s retort died on his tongue as he tried to imagine the expression Lan Zhan might make if he heard Jin Zixuan calling him so casually.

The blush deepened.

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng said suddenly, making both his brother and future brother-in-law jump a little. “Earlier you said something about having an easier time avoiding my Mother. What did you mean by that?”

“I don’t really know why this is happening, but ever since I returned from the Cloud Recesses, the resentful energy in my body seems to react to her presence,” He explained, feeling shame for a reason he couldn’t quite name. “When she comes near, I start to feel ill. It warns me when she’s looking for me, and it’s helped me avoid her more often than not. Unfortunately, whatever it is about her that’s making the resentful energy act up has some... adverse effects on me.”

“Like what?”

“I can feel myself losing control,” Wei Wuxian admitted, a chill going down his spine strong enough to make the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He could hear an older Sect Leader Jiang screaming at him - ‘You said you could control it!’ - and he felt as though he might be sick. “It’s harder to keep a handle on my temper, and the-the resentful whispers get louder.”

“What do they say?” Jin Zixuan asked. Wei Wuxian blinked, as if startled that the older boy didn’t think him mad for admitting to hearing voices. Clearing his throat, Wei Wuxian couldn’t bring himself to look at either of them as he responded.

“Much the same as it did before,” He shrugged. “It murmurs awful, tantalizing things into my ear... promising to make her pay ten-fold for the pain she caused me. It tries to goad me into killing her, tries to remind me that, compared to a God, she’s nothing more than an ant to be crushed under my boot... but I’ve had more than enough practice ignoring the whispers.”

“Now that we’re back, at least you won’t have to deal with her alone any longer,” Jiang Cheng said immediately. “If the resentful energy starts sounding too convincing, we’ll be here to snap you back to reality.”

“Thank you,” Wei Wuxian’s throat felt tight. “I-”

“Having a warning when she’s near will definitely come in handy,” Jiang Cheng cut him off, saving him from having to finish that sentence. Wei Wuxian was more grateful than he could express, and it seemed Jiang Cheng knew that. “It’ll give us ample time to vacate the area should she try to interrupt our planning.”

“Exactly what I was thinking,” Wei Wuxian nodded. “Though the moment I slip up, she’s going to unleash all these weeks worth of punishments onto me... not that I couldn’t handle it, but it’ll still be a pain to deal with.”

“I won’t let that happen,” Jiang Cheng stated firmly. “I... I may have failed you in the past, but I won’t allow it to happen ever again. I swear if Zidian ever touches your skin again, it’ll only be after it’s touched mine.”

“Don’t do that,” Wei Wuxian was horrified. “I can handle it-”

“But you shouldn’t have to!” Jiang Cheng snapped angrily. “You spent our childhoods taking my punishments - the least I can do is repay that.”

“I took your punishments because I knew it wouldn’t affect me the same way,” Wei Wuxian wished his brother would understand. “Even before the war... I’ve been through so much. Her punishments were always manageable, and that’s even more true now. I... you never experienced what I did, and I fully intend on keeping it that way.”

“But-”

“You might not have had to sleep outside in the cold like I did, but you’ve had your own punishments that not even I could take in your stead,” Wei Wuxian looked his brother directly in the eye. Jiang Cheng faltered slightly. “I could never take away the pain of being discarded by your parents, no matter how hard I tried to make sure you surpassed me. I could never stop the cracks in your heart when you were broken down by the two people who are supposed to love and support you the most. I may have lost my parents at an early age, and I may not remember much anymore, but what I do remember? They were so kind and warm... they loved me more than anything. You’ve never had that. The least I can do is ensure you don’t get the physical scars to match the ones on your mind.”

“We’ve all had a long day,” Jin Zixuan stepped in suddenly. “Maybe it’s best that we retire for the evening and reconvene once we’ve had a chance to rest. I have a feeling we’ll continue talking in circles if we try to discuss any further right now.”

“Right...” Jiang Cheng sighed, clearly taking the out that the older boy was giving him.

“You have to make sure to get your beauty rest,” Wei Wuxian teased lightly, happy to accept the silent bid for peace. “Shijie is expecting you bright and early - if you wait too long, it gets too hot to harvest the ripest lotus pods.”

“After supper we’ll talk again,” Jiang Cheng declared. “There’s more we need to discuss, but the Peacock is right. Trying to continue now will only lead to more frustration. I can show you to the guest quarters. Your things should have been delivered.”

“Thank you,” Jin Zixuan bowed his head a little in appreciation. “I must say, I’m looking forward to laying down after the day I had.”

“I won’t hold you any longer then,” Wei Wuxian chuckled, gathering the papers that had gotten scattered across the room over the course of their meeting. “Sleep well, both of you.”

“Good night, A-Xian,” Jin Zixuan offered him a small smile. “Sleep well.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Jiang Cheng scoffed, making Wei Wuxian’s smile widen. “You better not try anything before tomorrow.”

“What would I even do?” Wei Wuxian asked in mock affront.

“Don’t make me list everything out.”

“Attacked in my own sanctuary-”

“Get some sleep, dumbass,” Jiang Cheng shoved Wei Wuxian with just enough force to make his brother sway in place. “You look like shit.”

“You always have the sweetest things to say to me~” We Wuxian teased, earning an exasperated groan. Jiang Cheng shot him a final glance before leading Jin Zixuan from the room. Once Wei Wuxian was alone once more, he felt tension in his shoulders that he didn’t even realize was there in the first place melting away.

“What am I going to do with you?” He whispered to himself, his brother’s angry scowl flashing in his mind. While it had been normal for a little roughhousing between the twin prides of Yunmeng, Wei Wuxian wasn’t used to it anymore. In fact, the friendly shove had thrown him back in time to when he had been thrown to the ground by what should have been a similarly gentle nudge.

Jiang Cheng had been shocked, but Wei Wuxian refused to let his brother see his weakness. He had held Subian out, the blade useless in his hands, to keep the man he had grown up with from helping him to his feet - from allowing his brother from getting close enough to see the cracks in his haphazard facade.

He stacked the papers in a mostly neat pile and slipped them between the pages of one of the many books he kept on his personal bookshelf. Only when he was sure he had cleaned up anything that might be seen as incriminating, he allowed himself to pull the handkerchief from his robes.

Thumbing at the embroidery, he felt a blanket of calm settle over his shoulders. With a smile on his lips, he set the handkerchief on his pillow as he changed for bed. He took a few moments to untie his hair and blow out the candles, washing his room in darkness. The only light that came through was from the moon outside his windows, which illuminated the space just enough for him to crawl under his blankets.

Taking the handkerchief once more, he pressed it to his mouth. He could have sworn he felt lips tingle faintly but before he could focus on it too much, he found himself drifting off to sleep.

With the handkerchief held close to his heart, Wei Wuxian dreamt only of rabbit fields and laughter, the warmth in his chest remaining even after he woke the next morning.

Chapter Text

“You better be watching yourself, Peacock,” Wei Wuxian spat as he sauntered up to Jin Zixuan. Jiang Yanli just sighed, rolling her eyes a little at her brother’s antics. “If you let your hands stray too much I’ll make sure to alleviate them from your arms.”

“You make such big threats,” Jin Zixuan scoffed, crossing his arms. “And yet I doubt you have any grounds to stand on.”

“Listen here, asshole,” Jiang Cheng stepped in. “We’re not going to lay down and let you take advantage of our sister.”

“A-Cheng!” Jiang Yanli cried out, putting herself between her brother and her fiance. “I don’t need you fighting my battles for me! Young Master Jin has been nothing but a gentleman!”

“Humph.” Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes and looked away.

“Come on, we have better things to be doing.” Jiang Cheng grabbed Wei Wuxian’s sleeve and stormed off. They walked for a few moments, only stopping once they knew they were alone.

“I hate this,” Wei Wuxian sighed. “I never thought I’d say this, but I don’t like being rude to him anymore.”

“Neither do I, but we need to keep up the act,” Jiang Cheng looked equally as frustrated. “If anyone catches on that we've been buddy-buddy, it’ll put a target on his back as soon as shit goes south. If he’s going to be involved, we need to prevent him from being found out.”

“Good thing I’m a fantastic actor,” Wei Wuxian tried to joke, but it made his chest ache. He knew what he was going to have to do, and by the gods did he dread it. Despite hours and hours of plotting and planning, he was sure he would have to defect from the Jiang sect no matter what. Putting that distance between himself and his brother would be what protects him in the end. He really didn’t see any paths in which his reputation stays intact enough to keep the people closest to him safe. “Are you coming to training this afternoon?”

“Mhm,” He hummed. “We’ve been back for four days already. Father says he wants me to join in on the younger disciple’s training since I’ve been on top of my own. He says it’ll be good for me, to see how the disciples are treated for when I become Sect Leader.”

“Thankfully Uncle Fengmian is going away for a few days soon so training will be a little more lax. It’ll give us more of a chance to implement our plans.”

“That’s true-”

“Hey, Wei Wuxian!” A familiar voice called out.

“Peacock!” Wei Wuxian grinned brightly. “Fancy seeing you here.”

“You’re going to send your sister into Qi Deviation if you keep laying it on so thick,” He scowled. “And to think you’d go as far as to ‘humph’ at me?”

“My bad,” Wei Wuxian grinned, scratching the back of his head. “I’m a method actor, after all.”

“You left her alone?” Jiang Cheng asked, raising an eyebrow.

“We ran into her Mother,” Jin Zixuan rolled his eyes as he scowled. “Jiang Furen said she needed A-Li to accompany her for some sect business. Thankfully it seems Jiang Furen has decided to be on her best behavior around me. I guess she wants this betrothal to work out more than even I do... anyway, she asked if it was alright for her to take A-Li away and suggested I join you for training.”

“That woman has never made a suggestion in her life.” Wei Wuxian muttered.

“Suggestion is... a polite way of putting it,” Jin Zixuan agreed. “It was more as though she were ordering me without outright ordering me.”

“Well, I guess we’re stuck with you now,” Wei Wuxian slung an arm over the Jin heir’s shoulders, making Jin Zixuan buckle slightly under the sudden weight. “Just do your best and I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“It can’t be that bad,” Jin Zixuan said, clearly not believing his own words. “It’s just disciple training, right?”

“Disciple training held under Wei Wuxian’s watchful eye,” Jiang Cheng hummed casually. Jin Zixuan paled a little more. “But like he said - I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Come on - they should be getting to the training fields shortly and I like to get things ready before we start.” Wei Wuxian linked his fingers behind his head and began walking towards the training fields. The other two boys fell into step behind him, bickering amongst themselves.

“- and I’m telling you,” Jiang Cheng was getting heated. “That in such a scenario, you can’t throw soldiers at the problem indiscriminately! You have to keep the terrain in mind.”

“And in this hypothetical, how do you plan on doing that?” Jin Zixuan drawled, clearly frustrated in his own way. A casual conversation about boots quickly devolved into a scenario about how to best impediment soldiers on the frontlines if they were stationed on uneven, rocky ground.

“YunmengJiang disciples are trained to be nimble and light on their feet,” Jiang Cheng scoffed in response. “Due to the swampy areas around Lotus Pier, we need to be able to change the trajectory of our steps in the blink of an eye when we deem the ground unstable enough to support your weight. It wouldn’t be tossing our men into the bear’s den, it’s sending a damn scouting mission!”

Wei Wuxian tuned them out as he went over the itinerary in his head. He faintly wondered how shocked Lan Zhan would be to know how seriously he took his head disciple duties - actually, he didn’t think Lan Zhan would be all that shocked, the more he thought about it.

Would he be proud, seeing how hard Wei Wuxian was working? Would he look at Wei Wuxian with that little half smile and softened brow - an expression that might have seemed cold to an outsider but filled Wei Wuxian with a type of warmth that scared him?

Would Lan Zhan be proud of him, once he’s done all the awful things he was going to have to do to ensure they survive?

“Hey! Are you even listening?”

“Huh?” Wei Wuxian blinked, the pit in his stomach weighing heavy.

“I thought we were training,” Jiang Cheng huffed, pretending the concern for his brother wasn’t radiating from his body. “What’s with the painting supplies?”

“Oh...” Wei Wuxian looked down at the things he had been pulling from his pouch while he was lost in thought. “The first time, when Wang Lingjiao first came to Lotus Pier, her initial claim was that one of our junior disciples was making a political statement by shooting down a kite with a one-eyed monster on it. She said it clearly was supposed to resemble the sun, and that the disciple shooting it down was treason... clearly it was all bullshit used to segway into her second reason for being here - namely demanding repayment for my insubordination. She ordered Madam Yu to punish me, so she whipped me with Zidian until I nearly blacked out but that wasn’t enough for the whore. She ordered my right hand be cut off so she could take it back to Wen Chao, but Madam Yu refused. It turns out that wasn’t even the real reason for her visit either - she was there to turn Lotus Pier into a Supervisory Office - humiliating me and the Jiang sect was just a bonus.”

“Gods above...” Jin Zixuan breathed out in horror.

“So what’s the plan?” Jiang Cheng asked, tone subdued. Wei Wuxian almost expected him to lash out and shout, but it seemed his brother was maturing in ways he never had the chance to before.

“Once the disciples arrive, I’ll instruct anyone with a one-eyed monster to repaint it,” Wei Wuxian explained. “And tell them from now on to avoid that imagery. I’ll probably need to come up with a realistic reason as to why, but hopefully they’ll just take my word for it.”

“That’s not going to stop her.” Jiang Cheng murmured, holding one of the jars of paint in his hand.

“No,” He agreed, equally as soft. “But it’ll take away one of her excuses. Besides... The disciple that shot the kite was in our youngest class. He barely even had a proper core formed. It won’t stop her from trying to take over Lotus Pier, but it might prevent the child from being captured under false pretenses.”

“So you use kites for archery practice?” Jin Zixuan asked. “That’s genius... it gives just enough movement to make it a challenge without putting anyone at risk. Maybe I should implement something similar in Koi Tower. Gods know our disciples could use better training. When I’m sect leader, I won’t allow LanlingJin to be bested in archery by anyone.”

“Huh...” Wei Wuxian said without thinking.

“What? Is that such an impossible promise?” The older boy asked, only sounding like he was pouting a small bit.

“No, it’s not that,” Wei Wuxian frowned as he laid out the last of the supplies. “It’s just that... in my first life, we never had a reason to get close to one another. In fact, I hated your guts up until Shijie came to Yiling to show me her wedding robes. It was only because of how happy she looked that I stopped despising you so much. Now that we’re friends, I’m learning a lot about you - like the fact that archery is so important to you. I never knew that.”

“LanlingJin is known for its shows of wealth,” Jin Zixuan hummed as he sat on the packed dirt beside Wei Wuxian. “Flashy swordsmanship and flashier weapons... but growing up I was always so fascinated with archery. I saw depictions of cultivators shooting arrows from atop their swords, flying at breakneck speeds while hitting their target every time. I remember wanting to be able to do that because maybe it would please my Father since it would certainly be showy enough.”

“That sounds impossible,” Jiang Cheng scoffed, but it was clear he was trying to work out the schematics of such a move in his head. “Did you ever succeed?”

“Not yet,” The older boy shook his head. “I had planned on focusing on perfecting that particular move when I returned from lectures but now...”

“Plans have changed.” Wei Wuxian felt another pang of guilt. He was still trying to come to terms with the fact that he allowed anyone to help him. He still wondered, as he lay in his bed, unable to sleep, if he had made a crucial mistake.

If he doomed them all to a fate worse than death by allowing them to help him.

“It’s fine,” Jin Zixuan hummed, shooting Wei Wuxian a reassuring smile. “Even if I can’t perfect such a trick move, I’m sure Jin Ling will be able to. If he’s my son, of course he’ll inherit my skills.”

“Your skills and his mother’s stubbornness.” Wei Wuxian said without thinking.

“Gods above...” Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened in horror. He turned to Jin Zixuan and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I wish you the best, Peacock. You’re certainly going to need it...”

“Horrifying, thank you,” Jin Zixuan deadpanned. “Anyway, how long before the disciples show up-”
Just then, the thundering of footsteps echoed ominously in the distance. The three had just enough time to stand and brush the dirt from their robes before twenty or so disciples came rushing towards them.

“Welcome, my little ducklings!” Wei Wuxian grinned as they tried to tackle him to the ground. He stood strong, even allowing one of the youngest disciples to swing from his arm as she giggled loudly. “Are we ready for some archery?”

“Yes, Shixiong!” The crowd called back in unison.

“Before we get started, does everyone have their kites?”

“Yes, Shixiong!”

“Let me see them,” Wei Wuxian grinned as they began flapping the fabric to catch his attention. “Hmm very good! Love the details you added to this one. Double check your sticks - they look uneven. It'll make it hard to fly that way. Ah! I can tell how hard you worked on this one! I’m sure you'll get a bullseye on your first try this time.”

“He’s surprisingly good with kids,” Jin Zixuan commented so only Jiang Cheng would hear. They stood off to the side as Wei Wuxian flitted through the crowd, making sure to praise and correct everyone’s work as he went. “I never would have guessed.”

“Most people don’t,” Jiang Cheng chuckled a little. “He’s always been like this, though. There’s a reason he was made head disciple and not me... I don’t have the patience for children, no matter how much I try to.”

“He said he had a son in the Burial Mounds.” Jin Zixuan’s voice dropped even lower.

“Mhm,” Jiang Cheng’s eyes never left the back of his brother’s head. “He always said he never saw himself settling down and having kids but now I wonder... if he never wanted to settle down or if he never thought himself worthy of it.”

“He always speaks of his A-Yuan with such love,” Jin Zixuan took a shaking breath, trying to appear calm from a distance. “To think that-that we will never know the child’s fate after he-”

“We’re going to save him,” Jiang Cheng spared him from finishing the sentence. “He won’t go hungry again... he’ll have a proper childhood this time.”

“There’s no childhood in war,” The older boy said solemnly. “The most we can do is shield him from some of the horrors...”

“Do you think...”

“Hm?”

“Do you think he’s realized that if we save the remnants before they’re sent to the labor camp, that A-Yuan will most likely still have his parents?” Jiang Cheng voiced the question he had been thinking about since he had first been told about everything.

“Oh...” Jin Zixuan’s eyebrows flew up under his bangs as he turned his attention back to Wei Wuxian. “I don’t know if he’s thought about it that way.”

“He’ll be devastated to lose his son again, but he’ll pretend he’s fine,” Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but sigh. “He’ll say it’s better that way - that he’ll have a happier childhood with his birth parents taking care of him.”

“We’ll be saving A-Yuan’s family... but ripping away Wei Wuxian’s.”

“But why can’t we use the one-eyed monsters anymore?” A young voice called out, breaking Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng’s conversation. Wei Wuxian grinned and smoothed down the child’s bangs.

“When I was studying in Gusu, I learned about so many types of monsters,” He pretended to gasp, eyes widening as the disciples came closer. “Monsters that are way cooler than a one-eyed one!”

“Like what!?”

“Like a giant lizard that has wings for arms and breathes fire,” Wei Wuxian flapped his arms, pretending to roar as the disciples gasped in awe. “And monstrous hornets that have venom in their stingers potent enough to kill you instantly.”

“Those are way cooler than a one-eyed monster!” One of the younger disciples cried out. “I wanna paint the lizard on my kite!”

“I wanna paint the wasp!”

“See? The one-eyed monster is a classic, but there are so many more interesting beasts we can use,” Wei Wuxian grinned brightly as the disciples began jumping in excitement around him.

“Now, why don’t we do a little practice and once we’ve shot all the kites we can start on the next round?”

“Yes, Shixiong!” The disciples cried as they turned to string their bows and step into position. Wei Wuxian watched with fond eyes as the disciples took turns holding onto the strings that kept the kites in the air and shooting them down.

“Want to give it a shot, Peacock?” Wei Wuxian grinned cockily.

“I wouldn’t want to intrude on their training-” Jin Zixian began only to find himself surrounded by a ring of purple-clad children.

“Yeah!”

“I wanna see you shoot!”

“Are you as good as Shixiong says?”

“Come on!”

“Well, I guess I can’t deny them when they ask so nicely,” Jin Zixuan chuckled, ears burning hot as he accepted the bow from Wei Wuxian. It was already strung so he gave it a few tugs to get a feel for it. It was lighter than his personal bow, but he could feel the strength behind its tension. “Are there any kites left?”

“One last one-eyed monster,” Wei Wuxian held up the kite in question. “It’s fitting, don’t you think?”

“Time to execute the final beast.” Jiang Cheng hummed, crossing his arms. Wei Wuxian’s smile became tinged with something heavy but as quickly as it left, the bright grin was back in its proper place again. He jogged ahead, letting the kite catch air before releasing the string little by little. He tugged at it a little until it was flying properly before turning to give the older boy a thumbs up.

Jin Zixuan notched the arrow, finding himself admiring the craftsmanship of it - the sleek body and the shining feathers from what he assumed was a native waterfowl. He took a deep breath as he drew his arm back, taking aim as he had thousands of times before. Simultaneously, he released his breath and the arrow.

It flew true, striking the one-eyed monster in the dead center. The Jiang disciples immediately burst into cheers, racing over to surround Jin Zixuan once more.

“Not bad, Young Master Jin,” Wei Wuxian came running over, the ruined kite in hand. “I have to say, your form is absolutely impeccable. I might ask you to oversee an archery lesson or two before you go.”

“Ah, I don’t know about that...” Jin Zixuan flushed, holding the bow a little closer to his chest.

“Please!” The disciples cried. “You gotta!”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Jin Zixuan’s face softened. He reached out and pet the hair of one of the younger disciples that was all but clinging to his leg. Wei Wuxian found himself skidding to a stop at the sight.

Jin Zixuan, surprisingly, seemed to be so good with the kids. For a split second, Wei Wuxian saw Jin Zixuan with a different child - one in golden robes and long, dark hair in a high ponytail, a bow in hand and a quiver across his back. In his mind’s eye, the boy began to turn to face Wei Wuxian only for the illusion to shatter before he could see his face.

“The one-eyed monster is no more!” Wei Wuxian shook himself from his stupor with a brilliant grin. “Never again will such a beast look down on YunmengJiang!”

“Talk about dramatic.” Jiang Cheng shook his head with a faint smile. Wei Wuxian nudged his brother in the ribs, his grin never fading.

“Shall we paint our next set of kites now?” He asked the disciples. The children immediately got to work, chattering and laughing as they tried to recreate the creatures Wei Wuxian had described to them.

Wei Wuxian watched, fondness warming his chest. It only strengthened his resolve - he refused to let anything happen to these children, though, wasn’t he a child himself? Weren’t they also children? But they didn’t have the luxury of having a final few months of blissful ignorance. The disciples had no idea what was about to happen, so they were able to laugh and smile so easily.

“After this, we should- Wei Wuxian?” Jiang Cheng glanced over to his brother only to freeze at the look on his face.

“Shit-” Wei Wuxian paled, the resentful energy spiking. He knew what that meant but he couldn’t leave. If she found out he abandoned training, she would find a way to corner him and punish him properly, but if he stayed, he’d have to face her head on.

“What’s- oh shit,” Jiang Cheng looked startled when he saw the look on his brother’s face. “She’s close, isn’t she?”

“And getting closer,” He ground out as a spike of pain went through his skull. He had hoped the intensity of the reaction would dull over time but as far as he could tell it was only marginally more tolerable. He could feel his stomach rolling, bile touching the back of his tongue as he fought to maintain composure. “Prepare yourself... it’s about to get ugly.”

“Wei Wuxian!” A voice called out. Instantly, every disciple that had been vying for Jin Zixuan’s attention snapped into a low bow, their eyes trained on the ground. Jin Zixuan seemed taken aback by the sudden change in behavior until he saw a flash of purple striding towards them with purpose.

“Madame Yu,” Wei Wuxian bowed low as well. He hoped it appeared because he was being respectful and not because he thought he was going to throw up. “We were just finishing archery training for the day.”

“I can see that,” She huffed, already sounding angry. Angry about what, Wei Wuxian couldn’t even begin to guess. “What are these ugly things? I thought YunmengJiang had enough skill in all the arts to be able to draw a monster properly.”

“It’s-it’s a fire breathing lizard, Jiang Furen,” One of the older disciples spoke up, his voice shaking slightly. “It was my first attempt at one... this disciple will strive to do better in the future.”

“A fire breathing lizard?” Even without looking, Wei Wuxian could hear how she was raising a single, incredulous eyebrow. “Absurd - and why are there no one-eyed monsters? Have you all decided to throw tradition into the lake as well?”

“Apologies, Madame Yu,” Wei Wuxian said. From the corner of his eye, he saw Jiang Cheng shooting him a loaded look. “I was regaling them of the creatures I learned of in Gusu, and encouraged them to challenge themselves.”

“Of course you did,” The venom in her voice made everyone flinch. “Is nothing sacred to you? Shall we burn the sect uniforms and adopt another color entirely? Shall we melt down our swords and allow ourselves to grow fat and lazy rather than maintain the structure and routine we once boasted so proudly?”

“Of course not,” He could hear the way his voice trembled faintly. “That’s not what I-”

“Not what you what?” She cut him off. The resentful energy spiked, and he didn’t have time to reach into his robe to brush the handkerchief that normally worked so well at calming him down before he was opening his mouth again.

“If you would allow me to speak,” He spat, straightening from his bow. He stared her straight in the eye, feeling the familiar burn of the resentful energy in his eyes. He saw the way she faltered slightly and the resentful energy cheered. “You would have heard me admit that it was never my intention to undermine any traditions. I only wished to make training more suitable for my disciples.”

“What insolence,” She hissed, eyes narrowing. Zidian crackled on her finger, and those standing closest to her tried to subtly take a step back. Wei Wuxian, however, stood his ground, refusing to break the eye contact first. “I should have known allowing you to be head disciple would only spell ruin for our sect. I-”

“You what?” He challenged, smirking a little as his shoulders relaxed. He wasn’t as tall as he was as the Yiling Patriarch - he still had another growth spurt on the nearby horizon - but he knew he was muscular. He knew the impact he could have, should he hold himself with the right intentions. He knew the sort of silhouette he had cast while malnourished and dying, which meant he knew what sort of power he could hold in his current state. He may appear to others - to Madame Yu - as a fifteen year old boy, but he was so much more than that. “You and I both know the truth, yet you continue to use it as an excuse.”

“And just what truth are you speaking of?” Her voice was low, her body language dangerous. The disciples watching the interaction took another step back, leaving ample room around Wei Wuxian. Jiang Cheng tried to step in but Wei Wuxian put his hand out.

“You and I both know I am fully and wholly the child of Wei Changze and Cangse Sanren - there is no Jiang blood running through my veins, and yet you use the whispers and rumors as reason to take your anger out on me. You saw an injured, starving, terrified child and decided he would be the perfect outlet for your frustrations towards your own shortcomings in your relationship. Now, you come to interrupt my training... for what? Are you bitter that you haven’t had the chance to hurt me further? Or because you’re jealous?”

“How dare you!?” She screeched, Zidian crackling to life. The disciples scattered fully, running far away enough to be safely out of the whip’s range but still close enough to watch the scene unfolding before them. Wei Wuxian didn’t budge, didn’t even blink, as Zidian came rushing towards him.

“Wei Wuxian-” Jiang Cheng cried out only for the warning to die on his tongue in shock and horror at what he witnessed next.

Wei Wuxian simply reached out and caught the end of the whip, allowing her sizzling tip to wrap around his hand like the tail of a cat. His body instantly cried out in pain but he stood strong. It wasn’t the first time he felt Zidian’s caress on his skin, but it was the first time he felt he had the upper hand - the first time he was in control.

“Is that all you have?” He asked, almost casually. Zidian crackled brighter, biting and burning into his skin. “Zidian is such a beautiful weapon, yet she’s wasted on a master like you.”

“You-”

“Don’t worry, though,” He turned his attention to his hand, as though he were speaking to Zidian itself. “You’ll soon have a master worthy of your majesty - a master that will wield you with honor and strength the likes you’ve never known. Behave until then, yeah?”

Much to the shock of everyone watching, Zidian seemed to twitch before immediately returning to its ring form. Even Madame Yu was speechless, her jaw agape as she watched her own spiritual weapon seemingly not only react, but obey the words of another.

“What’s all the commotion?” Another voice decided to join the fray. Wei Wuxian held his injured hand close to his chest, trying not to show how badly he was hurting. Both Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan were by his side in the blink of an eye, offering him silent support.

“Uncle Fengmian,” Wei Wuxian found his voice first. “We were simply finishing up archery training.”

“And how would archery training provoke my Lady to bring out Zidian?” Jiang Fengmian asked, stopping several paces away from his wife, who was still silently fuming at her own spiritual weapon. “Please, enlighten this one.”

“It wasn’t Wei Wuxian’s fault,” Jiang Cheng said instantly. “He didn’t-”

“Don’t bother,” Wei Wuxian cut him off. The resentful energy was screaming inside his skull, making his vision falter. “It won’t matter if you try to defend me to him. All he sees when he looks at me is the ghost of my parents come to haunt him. He turns a blind eye to the way his own wife breaks down his heir, allowing her to plant seeds of hatred and distrust in his heart, all the while pretending he isn’t causing just as much harm by being a passive accessory to the abuse.”

“Now, A-Xian, isn’t that a little-”

“No, you don’t get to call me that,” Wei Wuxian snapped, holding his injured hand closer to his chest. “Only three people are allowed to use that name, and you will never be one of them. You know I’m right, yet you can’t even bring yourself to defend your actions, can you? I know what people think of me - I know they whisper that I was given this position because you’re my sire but just like her,” He gestured to Madame Yu with his chin. “You are also aware that such rumors are completely false. I gained my title as head disciple by working my ass off for this sect - I earned my title by dedicating my heart, body, and soul to the success of YunmengJiang over any personal victories. Strip me of it if you’d like, but that doesn’t change how I got here, or how much I sacrificed for this family.”

“Sacrificed?” Madame Yu scoffed, her voice only a little faint. “What sacrifices have you possibly made? We’ve given you everything. You’ve had the cushiest life one could possibly ask for.”

“You don’t want to know the things I’ve sacrificed,” Wei Wuxian said, words low and dangerous. “And you want to know what I will sacrifice in the near future even less.”

“Young Master Jin,” Jiang Fengmian ignored Wei Wuxian’s statement, instead turning his attention to their guest. “YunmengJiang apologizes for what you’ve seen. This was a family matter, and should have been handled behind closed doors. I hope this hasn’t impacted your decision about the betrothal.”

“The betrothal?” Jin Zixuan parroted, sounding almost affronted that the man would even bring it up. “Sect Leader Jiang... the only reason I’m here at all is because of Wei Wuxian and Jiang Wanyin. They’re the ones who convinced me to give the arrangement a proper chance. Nothing they do could change my stance on the betrothal... and quite frankly I’m insulted that you would insinuate such a thing.”

“I-” Jiang Fengmian faltered, his eyes widening a fraction. It was the most genuine response Wei Wuxian had seen from the man in years. “I apologized again, then. I never meant to insult you...”

“And yet you continue to do so,” Jin Zixuan stood firm, his spine straight and his chin up. “My decisions are my own. I am not the type of heir to bend to the whims of others, so when I take the advice of someone, it is because I genuinely believe it to be the best course of action. Both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Wanyin are dear friends to me, and I will not tolerate them being belittled in front of my face.”

“I see...” Jiang Fengmian looked pale. He glanced towards his wife, as if asking for help, only to realize she was looking off in the distance, fully ignoring him.

“As for the betrothal, my decision has already been made,” Jin Zixuan continued. That got Madame Yu’s attention, her head snapping to look at the boy. “I still plan to stay the full two weeks, but my mind has been made up and nothing is going to change that.”

“And what decision have you come to?” Madame Yu sounded both excited and terrified by what she might hear next.

“I will wed Jiang Yanli and make her the next Jin Furen,” Jin Zixuan announced, loud and firm. “And in doing so, I will make Jiang Wanyin and Wei Wuxian my brothers... and I will defend my family with everything I have.”

“There goes our cover...” Jiang Cheng muttered under his breath, but Wei Wuxian could hear the pride in his words regardless.

“Wonderful news,” Madame Yu regained some of her composure, offering Jin Zixuan a smile. “I shall go write to your mother, then. We will have to begin wedding preparations quickly if we want to hold the ceremony on the proper date.”

Wei Wuxian watched Madame Yu turn on her heel and walk away. Jiang Fengmian hesitated, turning to his sons for a moment as if he wanted to say something to them only to turn and trail after his wife. The training fields were silent for several beats, but once the Sect Leader and his wife were safely out of earshot, the disciples exploded.

“That was so scary!”

“You caught Zidian like it was nothing!”

“Shixiong is like a hero!”

“Gather your things,” Wei Wuxian addressed the crowd of young cultivators. He tried to appear his normal, chipper self, but given the way the disciples deflated he could tell he failed in the endeavor. “I think we’ve all earned a free afternoon. We won’t have evening training, but in exchange I want each of you to go to the library and find me one creature that interests you. Jot down a few sentences about the creature and sketch it if you can. I will be collecting the assignment tomorrow before we begin sword drills.”

“Yes, Shixiong!” The disciples cried before hastily gathering their supplies. Wei Wuxian watched them run back towards Lotus Pier, wishing he could share in their youthful enthusiasm. There was a time when he, too, would have been too giddy about the prospect of a free afternoon to care about such a small assignment. He would have gone straight to the library, spent maybe five minutes flipping through the first beastiary he came across and picked a random creature. He would write two or three messy sentences but spend a few extra minutes making the sketch as detailed as he could before letting the ink dry and running off to create mischief.

Now, he watched his disciples laugh and joke around as they left to do his assignment, and there was a strange feeling brewing in his chest. Melancholy and nostalgia went head to head, but on the sidelines were grief and mourning. Deep in the shadows, where Wei Wuxian would never admit, was jealousy that burned so bright it made him wince.

He no longer had the option to be carefree. He could no longer be a child again.

“How’s your hand?” Jiang Cheng asked, already reaching his own out in a silent request. Wei Wuxian complied, allowing his brother to take his hand and turn it over to see the extent of the damage.

“It’s not too bad,” He murmured. “I’ve had worse.”

“What’s happening?” Jin Zixuan looked over Wei Wuxian’s shoulder.

“I-” The words died in his throat as he watched the shadows that normally stay by his feet like a dog waiting for a command swirl over his hand. He couldn't sense the resentful energy doing anything to the wound other than covering it while his spiritual energy worked overtime to begin healing the burns.

“It’s... acting like a bandage?” Jiang Cheng asked, eyes wide. He seemed hesitant to let the shadows touch him, but more so he seemed hesitant to release Wei Wuxian’s hand.

“I guess we can use this as evidence to back up Lan Zhan’s claims about resentful energy being able to heal,” Wei Wuxian felt his mind racing - what did this mean? Why would the resentful energy be acting in such a way? “Though Master Qiren already knows we’re all close... he might use it as evidence against me instead, if that’s the conclusion he’s working towards - who knows with him, honestly.”

“Sorry,” Jin Zixuan sighed, hanging his head. “I know we planned on keeping up the facade that we’re still at odds but I just couldn’t help myself.”

“Eh, it’ll be fine,” Wei Wuxian chuckled, waving off his concern. “It was bound to come out that we’re all friends anyway. It was worth blowing our cover to see the look on Madame Yu’s face though! Maybe now she’ll think twice before treating us like shit.”

“I’m sure Maidan Jiang will hear of my decision shortly,” Jin Zixuan’s ears turned red. He was quiet for a moment before he began steaming. “This is mortifying! How will I ever face her again!?”

“You know? I’m starting to understand what she sees in him.” Wei Wuxian murmured to his brother, who simply scoffed.

“I don’t,” He crossed his arms. “But... I can see why they would compliment each other, I guess.”

“What do you mean?” Jin Zixuan asked, lifting his head to expose the painful looking blush on his face.

“You’ll figure it out,” Jiang Cheng snapped with no fire behind his words. “More importantly, now that we have a free afternoon we can focus on reinforcing the wards while we can. We only have a few more days before the Peacock heads back to Lanling so we should get as much done as we can.”

“Yes sir!” Wei Wuxian grinned brightly, giving Jiang Cheng a salute.

“You’re so full of shit-”

“Wah~ Jiang Cheng you’re so rough with me!”

“I’ll show you rough, you little bastard!”

Jin Zixuan watched the brothers bicker with a smile on his lips. He might not know what the future holds - well, he did, but he didn’t truly understand the true implications of it all - but he did know one thing.

As long as he followed Wei Wuxian’s lead, they can’t possibly lose.

“Safe travels, Young Master Jin,” Wei Wuxian grinned. “Can’t have you falling into the lake and drawing just yet, now can we?”

“You’re going to curse him if you keep talking like that,” Jiang Cheng smacked his brother in the back of the head. “If he falls in, it’ll be your fault somehow.”

“I’ll be fine,” Jin Zixuan laughed. “Even if I fall in, I do know how to swim. Either way, it’s not that long of a boat ride to the caravan and it’ll be a few hours by carriage after that. I should be back in Koi Tower before sundown. I wish I could just fly but I wouldn’t feel right leaving all my luggage on its own.”

“Write to us when you get back.” Wei Wuxian tugged on his sleeve.

“I will,” He promised with a soft chuckle. “I’m planning on going through with my promises to bring everyone to Koi Tower. I’ll be sending the official invites out as soon as I return. With the discussion conference in just a few weeks, we’d have to wait until after but I’m determined to get everyone together before the reeducation.”

“I’ll be looking forward to it!”

“Hey,” Jin Zixuan paused. “I... I want to say thanks.”

“For what?” Wei Wuxian tilted his head to the side.

“For giving me a chance,” The older boy looked away. “You had every reason to kick me out that night - to tell me to ignore everything I heard, to threaten me into submission... but you took that gamble and allowed me to help with something so catastrophically important. I-I don’t know if I can do what you seem to think I can, but I want to do everything in my power to prove that-that you didn’t make a mistake.”

“You’ve already done that,” Wei Wuxian said immediately, tone so sincere that Jin Zixuan’s eyes began to sting. “You’ve already proven yourself time and time again... There’s nothing more you need to do to prove yourself. Just keep doing what you’ve been doing and we’re destined to succeed.”

“I-”

“We’ll talk soon.” Wei Wuxian spared the older boy from needing to say anything more.

“Mhm.” Jin Zixuan nodded and turned towards the boat. He took one step in its direction before spinning back around and pulling both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng into an awkward embrace.
It only lasted for a moment before he was racing towards the boat. Before either of the brothers could figure out what just happened, the boat was pushing away from the dock, their friend’s golden robes quickly disappearing as the river pulled him away.

“Well...” Wei Wuxian let out an incredulous laugh. “I suppose we should get back to it.”

“We should write to Lan Wangji and Nie Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng hummed. “Fill them in on the last few days.”

“Sounds good! I’ve been dying to write to Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian grinned, causing his brother to faux gag behind him. “Ah, I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I’m looking forward to going to Koi Tower. It’ll be nice to have everyone together again. I know we’ll see them in Qishan but it won’t be the same! At least in Lanling we’ll be able to actually sit down and have some tea.”

“Yeah... it’ll be good to speak to each other face to face.”

“We just have to wait a few more weeks,” Wei Wuxian hummed, absentmindedly reaching into his robes to run a finger along the handkerchief that sat close to his heart, as it had every day since he received it. “Then we can be together again.”

“We made a lot of progress thanks to Jin Zixuan’s help but there’s still more we need to do,” Jiang Cheng shot his brother a strange look - one that was completely missed by Wei Wuxian. “The wards have been reinforced, as have the physical walls. The disciple training has been moved more to the offensive and their archery skills have improved... We still need to plan an escape route for those who cannot fight and find a way to hide YunmengJiang’s treasures so the Wens can’t get their treacherous hands on them.”

“I have an idea for the treasures, but we shouldn’t do it just yet,” Wei Wuxian’s voice dropped to a whisper. He couldn’t see anyone around, but he wasn’t about to risk blowing their whole plan.

“I’ll need to do a few more tests, but I’ve begun designing a talisman that can completely waterproof an object.”

“And how could that possibly help us?”

“Ideally we’ll be able to fill chests with the items we need to hide. When we slap the talisman on the wood, we’ll be able to sink them in the deepest lake and the items inside will remain completely dry until we can pull them up again.”

“That’s... smart,” Jiang Cheng hummed, looking thoughtful. “But how would we know where they are?”

“I’ll figure that out as we go,” Wei Wuxian laced his fingers behind his head. “I was thinking maybe attaching a rope with a false lotus attached to the end. The Wens wouldn’t be able to tell the difference but we would.”

“And it would blend in with the other plants in the water already,” Jiang Cheng nodded, his mind whirring with ideas. “But you’re right - we can’t do that any time soon. If someone realizes all the Jiang treasures are missing, we’ll be cleaning up an even bigger mess.”

“Exactly.”

“So now we should focus on continuing the work we’ve been doing.”

“I’m planning on introducing a new style of sparring with the senior disciples,” Wei Wuxian hummed. “Normally we do one-on-one, but I’m going to see if we can try doing one against the rest.”

“Get them prepared to fight an army...”

“I hate it as much as you do, but it’s their best chance at surviving,” Wei Wuxian’s smile dropped. “I just hope the others will be able to prepare their own people before the blade drops.”

“And we don’t have much more time before that happens.” Jiang Cheng took a deep, steadying breath.

“Come on,” Wei Wuxian tugged on his brother’s sleeve. “We have far too much work to do to be standing around feeling sorry for ourselves!”

“I hate when you’re right.” He rolled his eyes, bringing the smile back to Wei Wuxian’s face.

No matter how much they work - no matter how many failsafes they try to put into place or drills they try to implement - there was no way to be completely prepared for war. Even with Wei Wuxian’s knowledge of what was to befall them, it would be impossible to get through to the other side of the bloodshed unscathed.

Wei Wuxian knew this, but he would be damned if he wasn’t going to go down kicking and screaming. He swore he would give everything he had, and he wasn’t going to skimp out on that promise. He would bring the others to the other side of the war...

With or without him by their sides.

Chapter Text

Qishan was just as intimidating as he remembered. The buildings were enormous, the stone intricately carved to tell the story of its founders. The landscape was dehydrated and cragged, the mountains and cliffs stood threateningly on the horizon while the vegetation was thin and stringy. Even the trees seemed pathetic in a sense, and he found himself musing over how truly fitting the title ‘Sun-Scorched Palace’ fit the structure he was riding into.

He still didn’t have a genuine theory on why it looked as though a fire had ravaged the land - was it natural, due to the lack of rain and punishing sun that constantly shown down on its people? Or was it the land’s reaction to the thick layers of resentful energy that clothed its ruler?

“Eyes forward,” Jiang Cheng whispered, breaking Wei Wuxian’s train of thought. “As soon as we dismount and do our greetings you can do what you need to do. I’ll cover if need be.”

“And you’re a godsend for that.” Wei Wuxian shot his brother a grin as he fiddled with the reins in his hands. The special token that was tucked into his robes seemed heavy against his skin. He didn’t know if it was a good thing or not that Madame Yu remained in Lotus Pier - she used the excuse of planning Yanli and Jin Zixuan’s wedding though Wei Wuxian had a sneaking suspicion it was because she was avoiding him now.

Ever since the incident at the archery fields, he noticed how she would give wherever he was supposed to be a wide berth. On the rare occasion that they needed to be in the same room, she purposely didn’t provoke him. Jiang Cheng genuinely believed his Mother to be cursed, but Wei Wuxian saw through her act.

She heard the unspoken threat from Jin Zixuan. While she despised Wei Wuxian, she feared the betrothal being revoked even more. She wasn’t going to risk the marriage, even if it meant needing to be civil around her husband’s ward.

“He should be by the training fields, right?”

“Mhm,” Wei Wuxian hummed, his eyes searching the crowd. “That’s where I met him last time, at least.”

“The Lan sect should be coming in soon.” Jiang Cheng noticed how tense his brother seemed as they dismounted from their steeds. Cultivators dressed in red and white came over to take their reins, allowing them to bow low to the high dias.

Wei Wuxian couldn’t even see Wen Rouhan from where he stood. All he could make out down below was a faint shadow where the man sat upon an intimidating throne. In his first life, Wei Wuxian hadn’t really cared enough to note the details. He had been too focused on paying his respects so he could goof off before the tournament.

Now he couldn’t stop noticing things, like how Wen Chao was seated below his father at his own table - away from the main family. His older brother, Wen Xu, sat at a solitary table as well, though he was closer to their father’s. Unlike Wen Rouhan, both boys were exposed to their guests, no shade or veils to hide their faces.

Clearly it was purposeful, but why? Was Wen Rouhan trying to make targets of his sons? Was he making some sort of point? Wei Wuxian couldn’t even begin to understand how the mind of someone such as Wen Rouhan worked. He could understand the way Wen Chao’s mind functioned - understand, not approve of - but his father?

It was like trying to read a book without words.

Glancing around, Wei Wuxian found himself studying the faces of the Wen cultivators around them as well. He mainly saw men, but there was a woman or two scattered amongst their ranks.

Did when Wens discriminate gender? He recalled Wen Qing being praised for her skills as a doctor, but he wasn’t in his right mind during a majority of the fighting. He wouldn’t have been able to note if there were women on the field. They seemed tense, as if waiting to be scolded for any minute action. Of course there were some that had the same cocky airs as Wen Chao, but more than not seemed uneasy.

As if they could feel the storm brewing as well.

“Thank the gods that’s over with.” Jiang Cheng sighed heavily as they moved aside to allow the Nie Clan to give their respects. Wei Wuxian caught Nie Huaisang’s eye and had to bite his tongue hard enough to draw blood to prevent himself from laughing outright at the expression on the other boy’s face. In traditional Nie Huaisang fashion, the exaggerated look of pain was wiped away as quickly as it came, the second young master bowing low with his arms held high.

“It’s so suffocating here,” Wei Wuxian muttered as they went to the main training field, where the other disciples and participating cultivators had gathered while they waited for the tournament to begin. If he recalled correctly, they still had at least an hour before they were to be herded into proper, respectful lines and another quarter of an hour before Wen Rouhan would begin his speech. “I can’t imagine being able to train here, let alone live.”

“Are they really living, though?” Jiang Cheng murmured, eyes flitting between the Wen cultivators. “They look like ghosts themselves. Do you think they know about... what’s to come?”

“I’d guess the higher ups in the ranks are aware, but the general cultivators and disciples only feel the storm brewing,” Wei Wuxian hummed after a moment of thought. “Even I can feel the resentment in the air... can you?”

“Of course not!” Jiang Cheng said instantly, only to backtrack a second later. “What... what does it feel like?”

“It feels like...” Wei Wuxian trailed off, trying to think of the words. “You know how, before a big storm in Lotus Pier, the air feels heavier? Thicker, almost?”

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng replied. “It’s one of the first things we pick up on, growing up in Yunmeng - especially in the rainy season.”

“It’s a little similar to that. Try reaching your spiritual energy out into the air,” Wei Wuxian instructed carefully. “Not too far, just a short distance from your body... it should feel heavy against your core, rather than your body.”

“That doesn’t make any sense-” Jiang Cheng cut himself off abruptly, his eyes widening. He quickly curled his shoulders in, wrapping his arms around his torso as if it could protect him. “Gods above.... That’s what you feel all the time? No wonder you’re so...”

“So what?”

“So small now.” Jiang Cheng glanced at him, so many emotions flashing through his eyes that Wei Wuxian felt the breath be punched from his lungs.

“Wei Ying,” A familiar voice saved Wei Wuxian from needing to respond to such a deep-cutting comment. He was grateful to Lan Zhan for sparing him, for he hadn’t the slightest clue of what he could have said to his brother. “I’m glad to see you made it safe. You look well.”

“Lan Zhan~” He cried out, the tension leaving his shoulders as he all but threw himself at the other boy. Lan Zhan caught him easily, his mouth quirking up slightly. Wei Wuxian found himself blinking for a moment - he had almost forgotten about the scar on Lan Zhan’s eye. It had been so long since he had seen the other boy - only communicating through letters and the Jin butterflies - that when he imagined Lan Zhan, it was the boy from his first life, with the affection and patience of the boy from his second one. “You... It’s good to see you. I-I missed you.”

“Mhm, and I missed you,” The small smile on his face grew a fraction. “Your voice is much more calming in person.”

“No one’s ever called my voice calming,” Wei Wuxian hauled himself away from Lan Zhan, ears burning a hot red. “Grating, maybe. Boisterous for sure! But calming? You’re so funny, Lan Zhan~”

“I wish we could speak longer, but I know you have something you need to do,” The smile vanished in the blink of an eye, and the tension returned to Wei Wuxian’s frame just as quickly. “We can reconvene before the tournament.”

“Are you prepared for our plan?” Wei Wuxian asked, pretending the thought of leaving Lan Zhan so soon didn’t feel like a knife through the ribs.

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan nodded. He reached into his robes and flashed something he had been hiding there - a small token made of five dried lotus seeds strung onto a small tassel. It was the same one that the other four members of their party also sported. We Wuxian had tweaked the first draft of the compass both for the competition, but also for what was to come. Each bead was infused with one of their spiritual energies. Should the wearer hold it in their hand, they would feel the beads grow warmer with proximity to the person it was tied to. It wasn't a foolproof plan, but it was enough. “I spoke to Jin Zixuan before I came to find you, and from his last correspondence, I feel comfortable assuming Nie Huaisang is also prepared.”

It wasn’t their most outlandish plan - not by far - but one that could bring unneeded dangers should it go astray. The plan was to stay close to one another during the tournament and gather intel, namely on Wen Chao. Wei Wuxian had told them how the Second Young Master Wen had broken his own rules, and the subsequent hissy-fit the boy had thrown. He also warned that it was exactly that hissy-fit that fed into the attack on the Cloud Recesses, for it had been Lan Zhan who stole his prey in the end.

They had discussed briefly the possibility of Nie Huaisang training with a bow to the point where he could compete before they all came to Qishan, but it had been Nie Huaisang himself that said it would be better to have eyes and ears on the spectators as well. He would stay beside his brother, watching the other cultivators like a hawk.

“I need to go,” Wei Wuxian whispered, reaching out and taking Lan Zhan’s hand. He gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go. For a brief moment, he could have convinced himself that Lan Zhan had left his hand outstretched, as if to take Wei Wuxian’s back again - what a silly thought. “I need to speak with him before the tournament begins.”

“We’ll be here,” Jiang Cheng promised. “Just be swift. If you’re late for line up, not even I can cover for you.”

“Of course~” He grinned, lazily saluting his brother before slipping away. He heard Jiang Cheng’s annoyed squawk for only a moment before he was out of ear-shot.

He tried to recall what he had been thinking the first time - he remembered flashes of himself noting how easy it had been to sneak off, and how at a certain point there were no Wen cultivators around to catch him should he slip up. Other than that, he drew a blank. He couldn’t recall what he was truly feeling, other than a faint sense of pride.

Pride? What had he done to warrant feeling prideful? Nothing had happened before he found Wen Ning, so what-

Wei Wuxian stopped walking abruptly. Eyes widening, he felt the smack of his own hand against his cheek before he registered moving his arm.Lan Zhan’s ribbon. He hadn’t meant any harm by it. He only wanted to tease the other boy a little since it had been so long since they had last seen one another. He made what he believed to be an innocent joke about the ribbon being crooked, but the reaction he received told him it wasn’t well received.

The look of complete hostility he had gotten in return had shaken him a little more than he thought, but he had been naive enough to have been proud of getting any reaction at all, let alone such a big one. During the tournament itself, he saw that Lan Zhan’s ribbon had actually fallen askew.

He might not have known then - and still doesn’t really know, if he was being honest with himself - the importance of the accessory, but by the reaction he had received he could piece together that it was of great importance indeed. That was why he tried to be respectful the second time around, or rather as respectful as he could have been in his first life. He genuinely hadn’t expected Lan Zhan to move away so abruptly, nor for the knot holding the ribbon in place to let go so easily.

The look on Lan Zhan’s face shattered something in Wei Wuxian that day. If only his stupid, naive self could have known he would never get the chance to make it up to the older boy, maybe he would have been a little more mindful. Maybe he would have been a little kinder in his teasing or understanding with his mischief.

“-really think you’re good enough?” A grating voice laughed loudly, breaking Wei Wuxian from his internal spiral.

“I-I don’t-”

“Your branch of the family barely even counts,” Another voice sneered. “Who do you think you are, coming to the discussion conference with the intent to compete? Do you want to embarrass the entire clan?”

“No! I-I wanted to-to participate be-because-”

“Gods above! Your stuttering is so fucking annoying-”

“Now, is that any way to speak to a martial brother?” Wei Wuxian stepped in, forcing the resentful energy to bow its head. Hearing those boys speak in such a tone, knowing who they were speaking to... it made it difficult to keep his composure.

“Who are you?” The first boy asked, looking pissed.

“YunmengJiang? You’re supposed to be at the entrance ceremony! We should report you to-”

“To who?” Wei Wuxian raised a single eyebrow, crossing his arms. “How would you be able to report me?”

“What do you mean?”

“How could you report me without revealing that you, too, weren’t where you were supposed to be?”

“I-” The boy paled.

“And when asked why you were here in the first place, what would you say? Tell your superior that you were harassing one of your own disciples? I’m sure they’ll overlook it in favor of some random visiting disciple getting lost and wandering away.”

“You-”

“I’d run along now, if I were you.” He grinned at them, the expression sharp and dangerous. He saw the boys still, glancing at one another as if silently asking their friends what they thought the best course of action would be. After a beat, the Wen disciples darted away, not even glancing behind them as they went. Wei Wuxian chuckled at how easy it had been to intimidate them.

“Th-thank you, Young Master...” The only remaining boy mumbled softly.

“Don’t mention it,” Wei Wuxian grinned brightly only to find it hard to maintain the easy going expression. He felt himself take a step back without thinking, hand shaking as he reached out. Wen Ning looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes. Somehow, he never lost those eyes, even after everything Wei Wuxian forced him to go through. “Uh... were you planning on participating in the tournament?”

“Um... I-I was hoping to but-but they’re right... this one isn’t-isn’t nearly good enough...” He trailed off as he allowed Wei Wuxian to haul him to his feet. Brushing the dust from his robes, he offered Wei Wuxian a small smile. “My name is Wen Ning, courtesy name Qionglin.”

“Wei Ying, courtesy name Wuxian,” Wei Wuxian grinned again. “Care to show me a demonstration?”

“E-eh!?” Wen Ning spluttered, his cheeks turning a bright red as he clutched his bow close to his chest. He seemed so... small, Wei Wuxian noted with an ache in his chest that made it hard to breathe. With his shoulders curled in and his face so pink with life, Wen Ning seemed so delicate. He would never hurt a fly - not unless he were forced. “No! No, I couldn’t possibly-”

“How about a trade then?” Wei Wuxian winked, earning Wen Ning’s interest. “I’ll show you my skills - a little preview before the tournament! If you think I’m up to par with the others participating today then you’ll show me what you can do.”

“I-I... I guess...” He trailed off hesitantly, looking to the side. “I only have a few arrows left in this quiver though... I was going to gather them up before-before I went to-to the main courtyard...”

“I’ll show you with only one arrow,” Wei Wuxian swore, already undoing the ribbon in his hair. His inky locks flowed down around his shoulders as he tied the ribbon around his eyes. It wasn’t quite wide enough to act as a proper blindfold, but it was enough to prove his point. He pulled one side up so he could see, taking the bow and the single arrow offered to him. “Don’t blink, Wen Ning.”

He heard the other boy squeak a little as he turned his attention to the target. It wasn’t too far away, but there was enough distance to make it fun. Notching the arrow, he used his free hand to pull the ribbon back down and drew the bow taut. He held it for a moment, feeling the breeze on his skin. Without warning, he released the arrow. He could hear it whizzing through the air only to thump soundly into the target with a ringing crack.

“Woah!” Wen Ning cried out, telling Wei Wuxian he had hit the mark before he even removed his ribbon. Looking out at the target, he grinned wide. His arrow not only hit the center of the target, but had split the arrow already buried in the straw in half.

“Well?” Wei Wuxian asked, handing the bow back. “What did you think?”

“How-how did you do that?” Wen Ning asked, looking straight at Wei Wuxian with those wide eyes that haunted his dreams ever since waking up in the Cloud Recesses.

“Skill,” Wei Wuxian teased lightly. “Luck... maybe I cheated! You’ll never know, though~”

“I-I suppose it’s my turn then,” Wen Ning’s knuckles were white where he was gripping his bow. “You-you are certainly skilled enough to-to participate, and-and my sister would be cross with me if-if I went back on a deal.”

“Your sister?” Wei Wuxian asked without thinking. He gathered his hair in his hands and tied it back up, mayhaps a tad messier than it had been mere moments before.

“Mhm! She’s a doctor,” Wen Ning perked up, his face brightening. “She’s the most skilled doctor in all of Qishan, maybe in the whole Cultivation world! I-I try my best to assist her, but-but I could never do everything she does.”

“I’d... I’d like to meet her one day,” His throat felt tight. “If you speak so highly of her, that is.”

“I’ll try to-to introduce you one day,” Wen Ning’s smile softened. “Ah, my-my turn.”

Turning to the target, Wei Wuxian watched how the other boy’s hands shook so violently that he couldn’t even notch the arrow, let alone fire it. Wei Wuxian felt a wash of fondness as he went over to Wen Ning.

“Try this,” Wei Wuxian murmured. “Focus your spiritual energy inwards. Feel it moving through your meridians like a warm honey, coating your pathways with calm.”

“Wh-what?” Wen Ning asked, but Wei Wuxian could feel how the other boy’s energy shifted. After a moment, the shaking in his hands began to calm. “How-how did that work?”

“It’s like meditation,” Wei Wuxian explained. It was something Wen Qing actually came up with, to help him regulate his bouts of panic in the Burial Mounds. It had been a little different for him, since he didn’t have a core, but her original explanation revolved around using spiritual energy to calm oneself. “The spiritual energy helps calm the body, but the effort of circulating it helps focus the mind.”

“I see...” Wen Ning trailed off before turning back to the target. He took a few deep breaths before pulling the bow taut. Wei Wuxian let out a whoop of joy as the boy’s arrow hit the center of the target, only a hair to the right of the split arrows.

“You did it!” He grinned, throwing an arm over Wen Ning’s shoulders. Wen Ning tensed for a moment before giggling softly. “You have to participate! Maybe then the Wens might have a chance at getting third.”

“Don’t let anyone hear you say that,” Wen Ning giggled again, and the sound filled Wei Wuxian with euphoria. He had thought his resolve had been hardened into steel, but hearing the other boy’s laugh - seeing his blush and his trembling hands - somehow hardened his resolve even more. “We should be getting back though... Uncle Rouhan will be making his way to the courtyard for the beginning of the tournament soon.”

“Ah, I wasn’t lying earlier,” Wei Wuxian laughed as he scratched the back of his head casually. He needed to give Wen Ning some sort of cover story. “I actually am lost! I wandered away and don’t know how to backtrack.”

“Oh,” Wen Ning blinked, as if he hadn’t considered that Wei Wuxian might have genuinely just wandered away. “In-in that case, follow me, Young Master Wei.”

There was a retort on the tip of his tongue, but Wei Wuxian held it back. He knew first hand that no amount of begging would get Wen Ning to call him casually. He had never been able to convince Wen Ning to call him Wei Wuxian, and the few times he prodded the fierce corpse into calling him A-Xian as his sister did, Wen Ning nearly exorcised himself out of sheer embarrassment.

They hurried back to the others, slipping into their respective lines just as a gratingly familiar voice called out. Wei Wuxian grimaced before he was able to school his expression. Jiang Cheng fought back a snort of amusement, barely covering it with an awkward cough.

“Welcome all to Qishan,” Wen Chao grinned from the front of the crowd. “I know you must all be in absolute awe of our home, not that I can blame you. Unfortunately, we cannot accept any new disciples, so as much as you might want to, I would dissuade defecting from your clans to join the glory of the Wen sect. Now, my Father will be addressing you all shortly, but I wanted to make a little speech before that.”

“Gods above he’s somehow more annoying than I remembered...” Wei Wuxian trailed off.

“That’s Wen Chao?” Jiang Cheng hissed, trying to keep his head forward so it wasn’t obvious he was talking. “With all the horrid things he’s going to do I expected someone more... impressive.”

“That’s the worst part,” Wei Wuxian sighed. “He’s a horrid creature with an appearance to match.”

“How does one allow their hair to get so greasy?” Jiang Cheng’s right eye twitched minutely with the effort of maintaining a blank expression. “You’d have to actively put animal fat on your head. There’s no way that’s natural.”

“-think you are!?”

“I-I, um-”

“Sneaking into the lineup for our glorious clan?” Wen Chao screeched, pointing at someone in the crowd. Wei Wuxian looked over and felt his heart drop when he saw how the other Wen disciples had moved aside to give Wen Chao perfect access to Wen Ning, who was standing with his bow close to his chest. “Are you trying to sabotage us!?”

“N-no!” Wen Ning called out, eyes widening in fear. “I would never-”

“I know him!” Wei Wuxian called out. Instantly, every eye was on him. “He found me when I got lost and brought me back here. He’s quite skilled!”

“If Wei Wuxian thinks he’s skilled, he must have quite the aim.” Jin Zixuan remarked, just loud enough for Wen Chao to hear. Wen Chao paused, glaring at Wei Wuxian for a moment.

“You,” He pointed at Wen Ning, making the boy shudder. “Show me what you can do. If you can impress me, you’ll be allowed to participate.”

“Y-yes!” Wen Ning yelped. A Wen disciple came over with a straw target and set it up on the edge of the courtyard at twice the distance as the one from the training fields. Wen Ning was shaking violently, his arrow clattering against the edge of the bow as he tried to notch it.

Wei Wuxian caught Wen Ning’s eye and mimicked taking a deep breath. Wen Ning nodded and closed his eyes, doing exactly that. Wei Wuxian felt nothing but pride as he watched the boy’s trembling calm. By the time he opened his eyes again, his hands were steady and his shoulders squared.

He pulled the bow taut and sent the arrow flying. If anyone blinked, they would have missed how the arrow pierced the center of the target, burrowing itself halfway in. Without hesitation, he notched a second arrow and let that one fly as well. It hit close enough to the first arrow to make it tremble but not close enough to damage it. With a single, fluid motion he let loose a third arrow that landed exactly above the other two, forming a small triangle in the dead center.

Letting out the breath he had been holding, Wen Ning turned to face Wen Chao before dropping into a deep bow.

“Eh, you’re decent, I suppose,” Wen Chao scoffed, crossing his arms. He refused to look at Wen Ning, who seemed to glow at the praise. Wei Wuxian wished Wen Ning’s self esteem was higher - at least high enough that praise from someone like Wen Chao wouldn’t affect him so much. On the other hand, he couldn’t quite blame Wen Ning for smiling after the Second Young Master of his clan had somewhat kind words for him. “You may participate, but I swear to the gods if you embarrass us-”

Before he could finish his threat, the sound of horns made everyone freeze. The deep, echoing booms of drums echoed below the horns, announcing the arrival of the sect leaders. One by one, the sect leaders began filing into the courtyard and made their way to the viewing dias. First was Jin Guangshan with his dozen attendants flocking close behind him. Second was Lan Qiren, followed by Lan Xichen, their regal silhouettes standing out after the sight of the Jin sect’s decedent entrance. Third was Jiang Fengmian, who was accompanied by his second in command. Normally Madam Yu would have sat beside him, had she attended the conference. Next was Nie Mingjue and Nie Huaisang, who made a beeline for their seats rather than acknowledge the crowd in any way.

A few smaller clan leaders filed in after, sitting at lower seats on the dais announcing their lesser status in the cultivation world but Wei Wuxian couldn’t pay attention to any of them - not when he knew what was coming next.

He felt it before he saw him, the crushing resentful aura that poisoned the land and killed its people. A hush fell over the crowd, which only made the approaching footsteps sound like drum beats.

Wei Wuxian felt his own resentful energy rise to the threat. He growled, deep and low in the back of his throat. It would be so easy. It would take a single whistle and the resentful energy that had been begging for gore to sooth its parched throat would get its wish.

No... If it were anyone else he could kill them in a heartbeat. Wen Rouhan, on the other hand, had too much of his own poisoned shadows residing deep in his soul. It would take quite a bit of effort, and the backlash would fall solely on the Jiang sect. He couldn’t risk that.

But it would be so damn satisfying... to order his beloved resentful energy to burrow deep into Wen Rouhan’s flesh, tearing apart his skin and burrowing into the meat underneath. To singe and cauterize his meridians, so that he would feel how utterly powerless he would be for the rest of his life, only to savor the horror on his face when he realized the rest of his life would only last for a few moments longer-

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng hissed. Wei Wuxian felt a spike of pain and blinked away the burning in his eyes. Focusing his vision, he saw the heel of his brother’s boot digging painfully into his toes.

“Sorry,” He muttered, scrubbing at his face as subtly as he could. “Got lost in my thoughts...”

“Be careful,” Jiang Cheng warned him. “It’s about to start.”

“Welcome,” Wen Rouhan’s voice boomed over the field. A collective shiver went up the spines of every cultivator in the vicinity, even if they didn’t exactly know why. “What an honor it must be, to be standing here today. The best that the Cultivation world has to offer, gathered before my very eyes. Today we shall witness a tournament that will challenge your physical strength, yes, but also your mental fortitude. I wish all participating disciples luck in their endeavors to prove themselves the most skilled.”

“The rules are as followed,” Wen Chao stepped forward, a sleezy grin on his face. Wei Wuxian glanced over to Wen Xu, who was seated silently on the other side of his father. He didn’t seem to care that his younger brother was addressing the crowd rather than the rightful heir. “When a ghost is slain, a flare for that disciple's clan will go off, showing who it was who gained the point...”

Wei Wuxian tuned him out. There wasn’t much Wen Chao could say that would actually be important to him. Even the final rule - no taking prey that is being actively hunted by another contestant - really interested him. In his first life, it had been that exact rule that Wen Chao himself had broken. Wei Wuxian wasn’t planning on watching how close Wen Chao decides to follow his own rules this time around.

No, they had bigger things to focus on.

He locked eyes with Nie Huaisang and nodded. The other boy nodded back, eyes sharp and focused over the edge of his fan. Out of all of them, Nie Huaisang might have had the most important job of all. The entire purpose of this competition was now to gather intel - on the disciples, on the leaders, and on the tensions that ran between them.

Who appeared to know more than they were letting on. Who was going to turn against them. Who could potentially become allies. Who they might need to eliminate quickly, quietly, and efficiently.

Wei Wuxian gripped his bow tight in his fist as the horns sounded again, signalling the start of the archery competition.

“Nice shot!” Wei Wuxian cheered as the brilliant purple lotus lit up the sky. Jiang Cheng tried not to preen at the praise, instead busying himself with retrieving his arrow instead.

“As if you haven’t already gotten five points,” He scoffed. Fiddling with his token with his free hand, Jiang Cheng frowned. “We’re still not any closer to the others.”

“The arena isn’t that big,” Wei Wuxian hummed, trying not to show how worried he was about the same exact thing. “We’re bound to cross paths sooner rather than later.”

“We might need to try to expand the range of the tokens,” Jiang Cheng commented as they continued through the thin trees. “If they can’t sense the others in this proximity, they won’t be very useful during the... you know.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Wei Wuxian hummed, thumbing his own token. His fingers lingered on one bead in particular, praying it would begin growing warm. “I’ll probably make myself a special one with a few extra beads on it.”

Jiang Cheng opened his mouth but seemed to think better of it. Closing his mouth again, he clenched his jaw and nodded.

“Come on,” He said instead. “We still have a lot of ground to cover and I’m not seeing nearly enough purple in the sky as I would like.”

“Don’t worry,” Wei Wuxian grinned as he fell into step beside his brother. “We came in second the first time around.”

“Yes, but that time I have a feeling we were focusing on the actual competition,” Jiang Cheng countered. Wei Wuxian rolled his eyes a little - such a small gesture was all Jiang Cheng needed to know he had hit the nail directly on the head. “We don’t have to take first but I’ll be too embarrassed to show my face in public ever again if we don’t make the top three.”

“Of course.” Wei Wuxian laughed, drawing an arrow and placing it on his bow. He didn’t sense any ghosts in their direct vicinity but it was only a matter of time before they stumbled across another one.

A quarter of an hour passed, and Wei Wuxian had almost forgotten why they were there in the first place. He managed to take down seven more ghosts - twenty six in total - the thrill of seeing the purple lotus exploding in the sky one after another, a new one illuminating the world above them before the previous one fizzled out completely was beginning to take control of his attention..

Jiang Cheng scoffed, shooting an arrow at a ghost that had been charging at Wei Wuxian’s back. Another lotus exploded in the sky.

“Pay attention, idiot!” Jiang Cheng scolded him as he retrieved his arrow.

“I’m paying attention enough to have more points than you,” He grinned, elbowing his brother in the ribs. “You’ve gotten... what? fifteen now? sixteen?”

“It’ll be twenty after I kill you-”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jin Zixuan came crashing through the trees. His quiver was missing a few arrows, but he wasn’t injured in any way. Wei Wuxian knew there was little chance of any of them actually being hurt, but it was relieving to see nonetheless. “I finally found you. These tokens of yours are incredible.”

“The next one will be even more impressive,” Wei Wuxian promised. “Have you found anything yet?”

“Nothing concrete, but I did overhear some Nie disciples whispering about feeling uneasy,” Jin Zixuan reported as he scanned the area. “I don’t know if they actually know what’s going on, or if they just have really good gut instincts. Either way, I think we should talk to Nie Huaisang as quickly as possible.”

“In one of his letters he mentioned spreading whispers through the Unclean Realm to plant the seeds in their heads,” Jiang Cheng recalled. “Do you think that’s what it was?”

“Possibly,” Jin Zixuan frowned a little. “Though I do worry about that plan of his. What if the whispers reach the wrong ears? The Nie clan could be facing an army calling out treason before they have a chance to prepare themselves.”

“That’s true,” Wei Wuxian hummed. “But I have considered doing the same in Lotus Pier - not quite like what Nie Huaisang is doing! But similar.”

“How?” Jiang Cheng raised a single eyebrow.

“I found a history book buried deep in the back of the Lotus Pier library when I was looking up strategies to reinforce the walls,” Wei Wuxian replied. “It was old enough that I didn’t really recognize any of the names in it, but something very similar happened then too - a war broke out because one of the tribes decided they wanted to take all the power for themselves. They wiped out anyone who opposed them - it seemed to have been a very bloody battle... in the end the tribe waging the war lost because they ran out of soldiers. Apparently they threw their numbers around in every battle and by the end they only had a handful of men left alive, so it was easy to finally overpower them.”

“And if you casually recount that story, you can plant hints of what to look for,” Jin Zixuan’s face lit up in realization. “You can have your disciples draw their own conclusions without directly stating anything.”

“Exactly,” Wei Wuxian nodded. “But I still worry... I don’t want to put them in any more danger than they’re already in. On one hand, planting those seeds might open their eyes to the events of the world around them. On the other hand, it might be putting a target on their backs. Would it be safer for them to live in ignorance?”

“We’ll hash it out when we return to Yunmeng,” Jiang Cheng promised. “Just like we did with the other plans - two lists, one of the good sides and one of the negative sides. We can make a decision from there.”

“Ah, ChengCheng is so smart~” Wei Wuxian cooed, earning an enraged gasp from his brother.

“Have you two encountered anything worth reporting?” Jin Zixuan asked, finally appearing to have gotten used to the way the two boys beside him bickered.

“Not really,” Jiang Cheng sighed, clearly frustrated. “We’ve barely even encountered any other living beings - just ghost after ghost.”

“We crossed paths with two other Jiang disciples maybe two thirds of an hour ago, and shortly after that we heard some Nie disciples in the distance.” Wei Wuxian recounted.

“Have you been following this path here?” Jin Zixuan asked, pointed in the direction the two had come from. When both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng nodded, the older boy did as well. “I see. You’ve been following the border of the tournament grounds. I believe most of the disciples made a direct line for the center and planned on working their way to the edges.”

“Ah, that makes sense,” Wei Wuxian sighed. “No wonder we’ve had such good luck catching all these ghosts. Everyone’s scaring them directly into our path!”

“Careful,” Jin Zixuan warned them. “The terrain is about to get a lot rockier.”

“I... I remember this place,” Wei Wuxian slowed his steps as he took in his surroundings. They were entering a small crevice between two drop offs, the trees looking down on them through the crack in the earth. “This is where-”

“Look out!” Jin Zixuan called. Before Wei Wuxian had a chance to flinch, a golden arrow was flying past his face, close enough to make his hair dance on the breeze it caused. The arrow missed the ghost behind him, shattering the painted wood against the rocks. The three quickly notched another arrow, each aiming at the ghost from a different direction. Just as they were about to release them, three more ghosts came flying in.

Wei Wuxian cursed under his breath as he dodged, losing his aim. He didn’t release the arrow, but in the time it took to pull the string taut once more, the ghost had circled back around and was charging directly at him.

“Where did they all come from!?” Jiang Cheng cried, letting an arrow fly. It struck a ghost directly in the forehead only for three more to take its place. Looking around, Wei Wuxian felt dread creeping up his throat.

They were surrounded. At least fifteen ghosts were circling them in the tight space, the resentful energy keeping them caged in the physical forms radiating downwards. What little of the sky he could see was so brightly lit with purple and gold that the sun itself might as well have been in the crevice with them.

“You don’t think-” Jiang Cheng started, only to cut himself off just in time to sink another arrow through two ghosts at once.

“Think what?” Wei Wuxian called back, notching three arrows at once and letting them fly. They hit true, and three more lotuses appeared in the sky above them.

“That they’re being drawn to your resentful energy?”

“I-” Wei Wuxian froze. He hadn’t considered that, but it made sense. He had joked that the other disciples were scaring the ghosts towards them, but logically that didn’t make any sense - just as it didn’t make any sense for the two of them to stumble across so many targets in such a short amount of time.

It was just like the hunt on Phoenix Mountain. The only difference was that this time, Wei Wuxian hadn’t been trying to call the prey towards a one sided slaughter. This time, he didn’t mean for his resentful energy to reach out and draw the ghosts to him.

And that scared him.

The resentful energy was beginning to act on its own, and he hadn’t even realized what it was doing.

“Shit!” He dropped into a roll just in time to avoid being hit directly in the face by a ghost. More fireworks went off but the barrage seemed to grow in numbers. Wei Wuxian tried to use his resentful energy to tell the ghosts to leave but hit what felt like a wall - something was preventing him from commanding the ghosts.

With a pit in his stomach, he realized he hadn’t attempted to use the resentful energy to actually control anything since waking up. The most he was able to do was use the resentful energy itself to act like a rope to stop the waterborne abyss, and even that had been a struggle. He never faced this sort of issue before.

In his first life, it had been too easy to use the resentful energy. It had been like drinking water when he was moments from dying of dehydration - it was overwhelming and far too easy to give in. Feeling shackles on his resentful energy made the hairs on the nape of his neck stand on end.

Something was wrong.

“Fuck-” Jiang Cheng swore as he narrowlly avoided being hit directly in the chest. Jin Zixuan shot an arrow and was able to kill that ghost, only for another to take its place. The crevice was getting narrower, and it was nearly impossible to draw his bow properly.

He tried to recall the rules for the tournament - no bladed weapons were allowed, only bows and arrows...

Wei Wuxian threw his bow aside, two arrows in each hand.

“What the ever loving fuck are you doing!?” Jiang Cheng screeched.

“We’re forbidden from using bladed weapons,” Wei Wuxian called back. “Bows and arrows only, right?”

“So!?”

“So I’m not breaking any rules.” Wei Wuxian grin sharpened as he lunged forward, stabbing the closest ghost through the forehead with the arrows in his left hand. He ripped them back, barely able to keep his grip on them, in time to do the same with a second ghost. It was awkward, stabbing and pulling, but it was instantly more effective.

In the back of his head, he knew he would be blamed for this, just as he had on Phoenix Mountain, only this time he wouldn’t have an excuse - not that he had a real excuse last time either, but at least then he had a cruel reputation he had been able to fall back on. Now, he was defenseless.

As were Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan, who were now trapped in the same predicament as he was. If he needed to take the fall, so be it. He let out a horrid growl as he stabbed a ghost, pinning its fading body into the rock behind it. When he tried to retrieve the arrow, it snapped in half.

“Wei Ying!” An arrow whizzed past his face, nicking his cheek. The blood from the scratch felt like fire as he whirled around to see who had saved him. In a heartbeat, all the tension in his shoulders seemed to drain away.

Blue lights rained down from above them.

“Lan Zhan!”

Chapter Text

“Wei Ying, focus!” Lan Zhan called as he dodged an incoming ghost. He flipped over the ghost and landed on his feet only to stumble when another aimed directly for his face. Wei Wuxian saw the way the flares in the sky reflected in his golden eyes and missed the shouted warning until it was too late.

“Shit-” The sensation was like nothing he had experienced before. The blunt pain of the physical form slamming into his side was nothing compared to the sharp, icy agony that followed a split second later. He didn’t know a ghost could hurt him so badly, but before he felt it, he found himself on his knees.

Spitting out bile and blood, he gasped desperately for air. The resentful energy seemed to explode within him, barbs of shadow piercing through his organs. He felt his throat sting, but he couldn’t hear the scream he was letting out.

“-on!” A voice cried in his ear. Warm arms surrounded him and suddenly he felt completely weightless. By the time his feet hit the ground again, he felt calmer, the pain less intense.

“Wh-what the fuck just h-happened?” He ground out, forcing his eyes open. The first thing he saw was a field of white. The second thing he saw was golden eyes filled with warmth and concern.

“The ghost flew through you,” Lan Zhan murmured, hiking Wei Wuxian’s arms up over his shoulders, their chests pressed together. “It somehow broke free of its physical form. I-I didn’t know they were able to do that.”

“The resentful energy,” Wei Wuxian gasped in relief. He felt Lan Zhan’s spiritual energy flooding his meridians from every point of contact their bodies had. “It-it called them all here... it might have- fuck it must have broken it free too.”

“Don’t move,” Lan Zhan ordered gently, drawing his bow over Wei Wuxian’s back. “I will protect you.”

“But-” Wei Wuxian pulled back just enough to look at the other boy’s face properly. He felt his brows furrow at what he saw. “Your ribbon... it’s crooked.”

“Mhm... Will Wei Ying fix it for me?” Lan Zhan didn’t turn his head, but he glanced down at Wei Wuxian.

“But I-”

“Focus on tying it straight and true,” Lan Zhan’s words rumbled through Wei Wuxian’s chest, his muscles flexing around the other boy’s body as he aimed the arrow. “I know Wei Ying will succeed.”

Wei Wuxian didn’t know what to say. Instead, he nodded meekly and forced his arms to lift behind Lan Zhan’s head. It was agony, the pain ripping through his ribs. The only solace was Lan Zhan’s warm spiritual energy soothing the burns. He could feel how his fingers shook, making it near impossible to do as instructed.

Lan Zhan fired his arrow, his arms nearly crushing Wei Wuxian with the effort of holding his aim true but Wei Wuxian found he didn’t mind it. It was like when he had sprained his ankle as a child, and his Shijie had wrapped it tightly with bandages. Though there was no open wound, the pressure somehow removed the pain.

He could hear the haunting cries of the ghosts and found himself mourning them. It was such a cruel sentence, to be forced into a doll and used as target practice. In his first life, he hadn’t really put much thought into the process. At the beginning of this tournament, he had allowed himself to focus on their mission before losing his attention to the thrill of the hunt, but hearing the ghosts cry out as they were shot made his core tremble in his chest. He once commanded these same spirits to do his bidding. He gave them physical forms and allowed them to get revenge on those who wronged them in exchange for their aid in the war, and now he was slaughtering them.

They didn’t even have the privilege of being exorcised. His fingers shook so violently that he dropped the ends of the ribbon. Lan Zhan tensed his arms around him again, firing another arrow.

Gold, purple, and blue lights danced on the edges of his peripherals. He managed to get a grip on the ribbon once again and tried to retie it. Lan Zhan had trusted him with this. In his first life, he had failed Lan Zhan. He had ripped the ribbon from his forehead without consent and began the irreparable rift between them.

Now, Lan Zhan trusted him to fix his ribbon. Now, Wei Wuxian trusted him to protect him, to cover his back that had been left open to their enemies.

“There.” Wei Wuxian whispered into Lan Zhan’s ear when he managed to tie the ribbon firmly in place. He felt Lan Zhan hum as another arrow went soaring through the air. He felt so safe in Lan Zhan’s arms. Without thinking, he let his head drop, his cheek resting on the other boy’s shoulder. As his eyes fell closed, he inhaled the familiar sandalwood scent and turned his focus inward.

Go

He took another deep breath, holding it in his lungs until he could feel the burn.

Leave

Lan Zhan’s arms tensed again. Wei Wuxian wanted to be crushed to a fine dust by them.

You don’t need to do this anymore

He could hear Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan yelling to one another, but their voices sounded distant - below him, somehow.

You need to leave

The sky was so much brighter now. He could still see the brilliant flashes of color through his closed lids.

You don’t deserve this

“They’re retreating!”

I’m sorry

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng was by his side, face red from exertion and hair flying around his head messily. His fingertips were bloodied and his sleeve ripped to shreds from the bow string, glimpses of bruising as purple as his robes flashed as he moved. It was only then that he realized they were atop the crevice they had been cornered in. It explained why the sky was suddenly so much brighter, he thought to himself faintly. 

“I’m alright,” He promised as Lan Zhan helped him to his knees. “More shaken than anything, I think.”

“Let me see your side,” Lan Zhan asked gently. Wei Wuxian hesitated. It wasn’t that he was shy about being topless, but the competition must have been coming to a close and he didn’t want to risk other disciples stumbling across such a shameless scene lest it reflect badly on any of their clans. “Wei Ying, please.”

Sighing, Wei Wuxian found himself unable to deny the request. It took more effort than it should have, but he managed to shrug off the top of his robes, leaving his left side safely covered. He hissed through his teeth when he saw the extent of the damage. His entire right side, from his hipbone to his pec was a nasty shade of blue, the skin tender and radiating heat under Lan Zhan’s delicate prodding.

“I didn’t even know ghosts could do that,” Jin Zixuan remarked, sounding breathless. He fared better than Jiang Cheng, but not by much. His hair had fallen down at some point and was laying fully across his back and shoulders, the strands by his face sticking to the sweat on his skin. There was dirt smudged across his cheek and nose, and his robes were completely askew. His fingers were also raw from pulling the bow string, but it didn’t seem he broke the skin. “What in the gods’ names even happened!?”

“I think Jiang Cheng was right. The resentful energy drew them here,” Wei Wuxian whispered, not wanting anyone to overhear. He carefully tugged his sleeve back up, offering Jiang Cheng a relieved smile when his brother instantly moved forward to help him tie the robes back into place. He didn’t know if he had the movement to do so himself, so he was grateful. “It was the same on Phoenix Mountain, but during that hunt I did it on purpose.”

“But this time you didn’t?” Jin Zixuan just wanted to clarify. Wei Wuxian nodded.

“I didn’t even realize what was happening until it was spelled out for me,” He looked down at the ground, shame painting his face red. “I... I’ve never lost control like that before.”

“You said you lost control during the battle of the Nightless City.” Jiang Cheng pointed out, making Wei Wuxian wince a little.

“I did... but that was different,” He admitted softly. He felt Lan Zhan’s hand on his back, his palm large and warm even through his robes. “During the battle, it was like... like it was rebelling against me. I tried to give commands, and it refused to obey me. This time, it acted without my knowledge. I didn’t even know what it was doing.”

“That’s... not good.” Jin Zixuan said faintly, looking unseeingly at his boots.

“What does this mean?” Jiang Cheng asked.

“I don’t know,” it pained him to admit, but it was the truth. “Maybe it’s because I still have my core, so the two energies are reacting poorly to one another.”

“Resentful energy is corrupted yin energy,” Jiang Cheng’s brow furrowed. “Even if it’s been corrupted, we all naturally have some yin energy in our bodies. Could it be reacting that violently to your spiritual qi?”

“Possibly,” Wei Wuxian took a deep, calming breath. “But we can’t know for certain right now.”

“We need to begin making our way back,” Lan Zhan hummed. “The tournament is about to end, and I have a feeling it’ll take us some time to make it to the front of the tournament field.”

“Let’s go.” Wei Wuxian nodded. He went to stand but grunted in pain. Before he could try again, he was being physically moved by several sets of hands. By the time he was settled again, he found himself perched on Lan Zhan’s back, his arms wrapped around the other boy’s neck.

“This will be faster and will prevent you from aggravating your wounds,” Lan Zhan said before We Wuxian had a chance to protest. “I will let you down before we leave the arena.”

“Wow... and here I thought he’d at least try to get down.” Jin Zixuan muttered into Jiang Cheng’s ear as quietly as he could. Unfortunately, he was a pure blooded Jin, which meant his voice carried a little more than he meant for it to.

Wei Wuxian flushed and buried his face in Lan Zhan’s neck to hide his embarrassment. He felt Lan Zhan’s arms tighten around his thighs, keeping him firmly in place.

The walk back was peaceful, much to his relief. He watched as a few last flairs exploded in the sky - mainly GusuLan, but a few QishenWen and QingheNie as well. The flares for the smaller clans were there, but were easily drowned out. With the way the competition went this time, he couldn’t even begin to predict what the rankings would end up looking like.

He heard voices through the trees and nudged Lan Zhan, who reluctantly let him down. Taking a moment to check over his appearance, Wei Wuxian held his head up high as the four made their way back to the other disciples.

The courtyard was buzzing with conversation as the contestants began arriving in droves. Some came back alone, but more came back in groups, all talking and counting what was left of their arrows. Wei Wuxian glanced up at the dais to see the faces of the sect leaders.

Jin Guangshan wasn’t paying attention at all, more focused on laughing at something a woman to his left had said. Lan Qiren was murmuring into Lan Xichen’s ear, his hand stroking his beard. Jiang Fengmin sipped his tea calmly, not hurried to find his son or head disciple in the crowd.

Wei Wuxian locked eyes with Nie Huaisang, who nodded once. He had news.

“Welcome back, brave cultivators,” Wen Rouhan’s voice echoed, causing all conversations to come to an abrupt halt. He was still hidden by the shadow of the highest dais, but something told Wei Wuxian there were eyes boring into his head. “I was quite impressed by the show today. The ghosts we released into the forest never stood a chance with such skilled individuals on the hunt.”

“I will now announce the final rankings of the tournament,” A Wen cultivator in expensive looking robes stepped forward with a scroll in hand. Unrolling it, he cleared his throat. “In fifth place, with a score of fifty-seven - QingheNie. In fourth place with a score of seventy...”

The man paused, glancing hesitantly up at Wen Rouhan. He cleared his throat again, hands making the scroll shake.

“In fourth place, with a score of seventy - QishanWen. In third place, with a score of one hundred and two - LanlingJin. In second place with a score of one hundred and thirty - YunmengJiang. In first place, with a score of one hundred and forty one - GusuLan!”

“We... we got second?” Wei Wuxian muttered, shell shocked.

“We were only eleven behind GusuLan?” Jiang Cheng sounded equally as numb.

“I demand YunmengJiang be disqualified!” Wen Chao’s voice screeched out, making everyone listening freeze. “One of their disciples broke the rules! I demand they be removed from the competition! I demand they be punished for treason!”

“And how, exactly, did one of my disciples break the rules?” Jiang Fengmian asked, voice level and calm.

“I clearly stated at the beginning that only bows and arrows were allowed,” Wen Chao seethed, pointing directly at Wei Wuxian. “Yet that one used a means other than long-distance attacks to rack up such a high score! On top of that, we received reports of the ghosts being drawn to his location. He must have used some sort of underhanded trick to steal the prey from the other contestants. It’s the only reason why the glorious QishanWen is so low in the rankings!”

“The rule was no bladed weapons were to be used,” Wei Wuxian said, trying to keep his voice level. “I did not even have a bladed weapon on my person.”

“Bows and arrows were the only weapons allowed,” Jiang Cheng called out, staring Wen Chao down. “I was with Wei Wuxian the entire time. There wasn’t a single instance where he used something other than his bow or his arrows to fight the ghosts!”

“Using his arrows as spears goes directly against the rules-”

“Only bows and arrows may be used in the competition,” Lan Qiren suddenly chimed in, posture straight and hands folded on his lap. “That was, verbatim, what the second young master said. He did not specify how the bows or arrows may be used. Changing that detail after the fact is dishonorable.”

“How dare you!?” Wen Chao spun around to point his finger at Lan Qiren. “Do you know who you are speaking to? Do you know who’s cushion you’re sitting upon, and who’s tea you’re drinking?”

“As for the claim that Wei Wuxian purposely called the ghosts to him,” Jin Zixuan spoke up, taking a small step closer to Wei Wuxian. “I can promise you that is not the case. I ran into both him and Young Master Jiang during the competition. No foul play was detected, nor did Wei Wuxian attempt any dark magics to cheat.”

“He was injured, as well,” Lan Zhan hummed, causing a ripple of shocked whispers to go through the crowd. “He would not have put Young Master Jiang in danger just to win a competition. I was present, and the ambush was unfortunate but not premeditated.”

“If that is what Wangji says, then that is what happened,” Lan Qiren nodded, stroking his beard. “My nephew does not lie, nor does he embellish the truth.”

“QishanWen... apologizes for the accusations,” Wen Rouhan announced. Wei Wuxian felt a shiver run down his spine. By the way Jin Zixuan and Jiang Cheng’s backs instantly straightened a fraction, they felt it too. He glanced over to Lan Zhan, who was all but glaring up at the dais. To an outsider, his expression was as emotionless as ever, but Wei Wuxian could see the barely contained bloodlust clear as day. “While I can understand where my son was coming from, it seems there are viable responses in turn. YunmengJiang will not be disqualified from the competition. It was... quite resourceful to use arrows in such a way when cornered. I will make sure to be more thorough with the rules next time, so avoid any similar confusion.”

“We’re fucked...” Jiang Cheng whispered in horror.

“Now we have the biggest target of all on our backs,” Wei Wuxian felt the dread closing his throat. “We might not have gotten first, but I embarrassed Wen Rouhan in front of everybody...”

“It will be okay,” Lan Zhan subtly reached over and took Wei Wuxian’s hand. “You are not alone. If the Wens move against Lotus Pier, you will have backup.”

“I-I can’t have you risking your lives-”

“I made a promise,” Lan Zhan gave his hand a squeeze. “That if it comes to it, I would lay down my life for you. I have never taken my promises lightly. If you call for me, I will come. If you need me, I will be there.”

“But-”

“Excellent work everyone,” Nie Huaisang arrived, seemingly from nowhere. “I must say, you all caused quite the stir. The cultivation world will have its eye on the four of you moving forward.”

“Did you see anything?” Wei Wuxian asked softly.

“Yes,” Nie Huaisang covered the bottom half of his face with his fan. “But it seems we can’t talk here. I will send letters as soon as I am home again. It will be inconvenient, but we’re not safe here.”

“We’ll be looking forward to hearing from you,” Wei Wuxian placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “Keep yourself safe, yeah? Don’t do anything brash.”

“I should be the one saying that to you,” Nie Huaisang scoffed, but his face twisted. “Try not to piss off anyone else. I know it’s hard for you, but try.”

“I don’t do it on purpose,” Wei Wuxian pouted a little. “I swear!”

“Wei Ying, can I speak to you?” Lan Zhan murmured into his ear.

“Of course!” He said, mayhaps a tad too quickly by the way the other boy’s golden eyes widened.

Lan Zhan tugged him away from the others. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but notice the uneasy look Jiang Cheng was giving the surrounding disciples - not just those clothed in Wen reds and whites, but everyone around them.

“Wei Ying, do you know the importance of our ribbons?”

“I... if I’m being honest, I don’t,” He admitted. “I know it represents restraint and composure, right? You wear it to remind yourself to maintain your rules and to live with honor.”

“Correct,” Lan Zhan hummed. “But that’s not all.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that there was more.” He frowned a little. He heard a small sound, and when he looked up he saw Lan Zhan smiling faintly at him.

“The other meaning isn’t spoken of openly,” His eyes turned up the slightest bit. “When our ribbons are given to us, we are told no one can touch it other than family.”

“Oh shit-” Wei Wuxian’s eyes widened. No wonder Lan Zhan had been so furious when he had ripped it right off his forehead last time! But wait... “You let me tie it for you during the tournament?”

“I did.” Lan Zhan nodded minutely.

“Do... do you think of me as family, Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian’s face warmed, the smile on his lips growing of its own volition.

“In a sense,” Lan Zhan seemed to be struggling to know how he wanted to word his thoughts. Wei Wuxian remained quiet to give him a chance to think. “Wei Ying... to me, you are more than just family.”

“I don’t understand,” He furrowed his brows. He wanted to stand closer to Lan Zhan, but he didn’t think it appropriate. He knew he was putting a target on the others’ backs just by being around them, but acting too familiarly would only bring disaster down on those he held dearest. “How can I be more than family? Ah, I don’t think your brother would be too happy to hear that!”

Though he tried to joke, Lan Zhan’s expression fell.

“Wei Ying-”

“I hate to break this up, but Father is looking for us,” Jiang Cheng appeared by Wei Wuxian’s side. “He wants to leave as soon as possible now that the tournament is over.”

“But Lan Zhan is-”

“I will write to you,” Lan Zhan’s face was smooth and expressionless. “Stay safe, Wei Ying.”

“But I don’t want to go yet,” Wei Wuxian frowned. “I haven’t had the chance to...”

He trailed off after seeing the look on Jiang Cheng’s face.

“I know,” His brother murmured, tugging on his sleeve. “But we have to go.”

“Lan Zhan, I’ll see you soon,” He promised, turning to the other boy. He pulled his arm back from Jiang Cheng and took Lan Zhan’s hand with both of his. “Jin Zixuan is planning to invite us all to Koi Tower before the reeducation. We only have to wait a little longer before we can properly speak, yeah?”

“I will look forward to it then,” Lan Zhan’s face softened. He reached up with his free hand and tucked a lock of hair behind Wei Wuxian’s ear. “Take care of yourself.”

“I will!”

“I mean it, Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan raised a single eyebrow. “Jiang Wanyin.”

“Y-yes!” Jiang Cheng jumped at suddenly being addressed.

“Make sure he eats and sleeps properly,” He ordered, only dragging his eyes away from Wei Wuxian’s face after a moment. “Don’t let him lose himself in his work.”

“I know that,” Jiang Cheng spat only to backtrack a little. “We all want him to be healthy. You don’t have to threaten me with that expression.”

Wei Wuxian studied Lan Zhan’s face but couldn’t see anything threatening in his expression at all. Lan Zhan just stared at Jiang Cheng for a moment longer before humming and nodding. From the corner of his eye, he saw two white clad figures approaching them.

“I will speak to you soon, Wei Ying. Thank you for fixing my ribbon for me.” Lan Zhan turned his attention back to him. Lifting the hand that Wei Wuxian was still holding, he brought it to his mouth. Wei Wuxian felt his brain going blank as he felt Lan Zhan’s lips gently graze the back of his hand but before he could truly register what had happened, he was being pulled away.

He almost missed the sounds of shocked gasping coming from behind him, where Lan Zhan remained.

“What-”

“Come on,” Jiang Cheng huffed, leading him over to where Jiang Fengmian was standing. “We have a long flight ahead of us.”

“Why would he-”

“I will talk to Father about not mentioning what happened to Mother.”

“Lan Zhan-”

“She’s bound to hear eventually, but we can at least try to buy some time.”

“He-”

“When we get back, we need to start focusing on the treasures.”

“Did he just kiss me!?”

“Is that what you’ve been stuttering about?” Jiang Cheng turned to look at his brother, disbelief written clearly on his face. “Gods above, you really are dense.”

“Jiang Cheng, wait!” He dug his heels into the dirt. “I’m serious!”

“We can talk when we’re back in Lotus Pier.”

“But he-”

“Yes! Gods above, yes he kissed your hand!” Jiang Cheng cried out. Wei Wuxian’s entire body burned red as the sun as he lurched forward, slapping his hand over his brothers mouth.

“Could we not screech it to the heavens?” He hissed. Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes only for his face to twist in betrayal when Wei Wuxian didn’t remove his hand at the sensation of a tongue against his palm.

“A-Cheng, A-Xia- Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Fengmian came over, seeming unphased by the way the boys were bickering. “I believe it’s time we return home.”

“Yes, Father.” Jiang Cheng said as soon as his mouth was free. He bowed his head to the man.

“You both did well today,” Jiang Fengmian said as he turned away from the boys and began walking towards the front gate where the rest of the YunmengJiang delegation was waiting for them to depart. “You made your clan proud.”

“Th-thank you!” Jiang Cheng stumbled over his words, his eyes practically shining as he looked at the back of his Father’s head. Wei Wuxian remained silent.

Wei Wuxian remained silent for the rest of the trip back to Yunmeng.

“This should be a good spot for this one,” Jiang Cheng whispered as he pulled the chest up onto the edge of the boat. “Is the rope knotted tight?”

“Of course,” Wei Wuxian scoffed. “I tied it myself.”

“Just making sure,” He rolled his eyes. “Trying to mitigate how many headaches we cause for ourselves. Excuse me for trying to be thorough.”

“Just push the thing in.”

“Whatever.” Jiang Cheng did as he was told, shoving the chest into the lake. It had only taken Wei Wuxian two days after returning from Qishan to perfect the water-proofing talisman, and another day after that to decide what order to hide the valuables in. This would be the third chest they hid that evening, only the moon shining down present to witness their actions.

They started with the less obvious treasures - generic gold coins, gifts given to YunmengJiang generations ago, valuable texts that hadn’t been touched in years. The plan was to wait until the attack on Lotus Pier was more imminent before hiding the bigger valuables, the ones that would be noticed instantly should they go missing.

The chest slipped into the water with a small splash, the rope slipping stealthily through Wei Wuxian’s hands as he helped ease it towards the bottom of the lake. The talisman was sturdy, but if the chest itself got damaged the seal would break and the items inside would instantly be soaked, so he was trying to be careful with its descent. He felt the chest hit the silt at the bottom of the lake so he let the excess rope fall into the water, the false lotus at the end bobbing gracefully on the lake’s face.

“We have one more,” Jiang Cheng said, looking at the final chest. “We should move a little ways away. There’s a patch of lotus over there that would conceal the false one well.”

“Mhm, sounds good-” We Wuxian cut himself off as a spike of pain shot through his skill. The resentful energy began to growl deep in his chest. “We need to go!”

“She’s here?” Jiang Cheng paled in the moonlight. “At this hour!?”

“We can hide this one later.” Wei Wuxian grabbed the oars and began quickly steering the boat towards the far shore. The more distance he put between them and the cause of the pain, the calmer the resentful energy became.

“That was close,” Jiang Cheng breathed out, voice trembling faintly. “If she caught us...”
Wei Wuxian just nodded in agreement, not trusting his voice.

“Come on, we should get some rest,” Jiang Cheng helped him lug the final chest off the boat before tossing some branches over the vessel to camouflage it on the shoreline. “We have training bright and early tomorrow... later today, I suppose.”

“Jiang Cheng?”

“Mhm?” His brother glanced at him, his eyes widening a fraction at the expression on Wei Wuxian’s face. “Is... is something wrong?”

“I don’t know,” He admitted, though it pained him to do so. “I-I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.”

“That’s alright,” Jiang Cheng murmured as they snuck back towards the main buildings of Lotus Pier. “Now we’re all on the same playing field, in a sense.”

“If anything happens to any of you...”

“Don’t think like that.”

“I can’t help it,” He felt his eyes burning. “That's all I can think about. It keeps me up at night, and plagues my dreams when I manage to sleep... I-I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake. If I had just... kept everyone at an arm's length, you wouldn’t have the same blade to your throat as I do.”

“I know you can’t help it,” Jiang Cheng said after a moment. They walked along the side paths towards Lotus Pier. It would take them a little longer, but it reduced the chances of being seen.

“But that’s why we’re going to remind you over and over again. The future you want for us? It never would have happened on your own. Sure, you would have succeeded in some fashion, but you would have lost more than even your first life. Now, you have the chance to save everyone... you don’t have to do this alone. We’re going to help you, whether you think it’s a mistake or not because we trust you, and we believe in the future you’re trying to create for us.”

“I’m so tired, Jiang Cheng.” Though it was a simple statement, the meaning was far deeper. Jiang Cheng swallowed thickly and nodded.

“I know,” He whispered. “I’ll speak to the healers. I can get you something to help you sleep...”

“I don’t think sleep will fix this.”

“I know,” It sounded like it pained him to say. “But it can help. I can’t- I can’t do what you’re going to do, but at least I can lighten the burden, even just a small amount.”

“Can...”

“Mhm?”

“Can you stay tonight?” He asked, voice thick with tears he refused to shed. “I-I don’t trust myself to be alone tonight.”

“Of course,” Jiang Cheng said instantly, as if he couldn’t have thought about denying the request. “Honestly, I don’t want to be alone either.”

“We’re going to have to come up with some excuse if anyone asks why we’re coming from the same place tomorrow.” Wei Wuxian tried to chuckle. It was flat and hollow, but it was enough to make the corner of Jiang Cheng’s mouth quirk upwards.

“I’ll just say I went to wake your sorry ass up,” He replied. “Everyone knows you have a horrendous sleep schedule.”

“That’s true-”

Wei Wuxian was cut off by a sudden commotion. He and Jiang Cheng exchanged startled looks before simultaneously rushing towards the shouting. He felt the pain before he saw her. They entered the main courtyard to see Madam Yu standing in front of a crowd of half asleep disciples, still in their sleep robes.

“Who did this!?” She screeched, pointing towards two of the chests they had just finished hiding. “ANSWER ME!”

“Jiang Furen, all the disciples were accounted for at curfew-” One of the senior disciples tried to say, only to jump back in fear when Zidian crackled to life.

“Are you insinuating that I’m stupid?” She screamed, her face turning red. “Even if everyone was accounted for at curfew, any one of you traitors could have snuck out under the cover of darkness! So who was it? Who dared steal the Jiang sect’s valuables? Were you planning on pawning them off for some gold coins?”

“It was me.” Wei Wuxian called, stepping into the clearing. The air itself seemed to freeze, as if holding its breath. Madam Yu slowly turned around, movements jerky and borderline uncoordinated - like a fierce corpse, Wei Wuxian’s mind supplied.

“You...” She trailed off, eyes wild and feral.

“I did it for the good of YunmengJiang,” Wei Wuxian’s voice rang clear and loud. “I did it to protect my home.”

“You thief!!” She screeched, lurching towards him. “You traitor! After everything we did for you, this is how you repay us!?”

“Mother, no-”

She ignored him, calling Zidian out into her full form. Wei Wuxian dodged the first strike but realized a moment too late he landed directly in front of the now wide awake disciples. He threw himself to the side to prevent them from being in the line of fire, but in doing so he twisted his ankle on the landing.

Crying out in pain, the resentful energy in his body spiked to levels he hadn’t experienced since waking up in the Cloud Recesses. His body jerked as if struck by lightning but Zidian was nowhere near him.

Yet.

Madam Yu drew her arm back before launching the whip forward. Wei Wuxian managed to dodge by the skin of his teeth, the taste of Zidian’s electricity coloring his tongue as he struggled to stand.

“Mother, no-”

“Jiang Cheng, protect them.” Wei Wuxian cried, dodging another attack. Jiang Cheng hesitated before nodding and rushing over to the disciples. They were pale and shaking, watching the sudden fight with horror in their wide, wet eyes. Some of the younger disciples were sobbing, clinging to whoever was closest for comfort. None of them seemed to be able to leave, let alone tear their gaze from the deadly dance before them.

“YOU HORRID LITTLE BEAST!” Madam Yu screeched, the hairs from her bun coming loose and floating around her face, giving her the appearance of a fierce ghost. The shadows created by Zidian’s light only enhanced the gauntness of her cheeks and the wildness of her eyes. For a split second, Wei Wuxian saw a cornered animal in her soul.

He dodged again, but the ache in his twisted ankle made it difficult to do so. He felt Zidian kiss along his skin but the burn was nothing compared to being ripped to shreds by his own corpse army. He would survive this, as he had survived every other encounter with the spiritual weapon in the past.

What are you doing? Attack her! Stop dodging! Are you so weak that you cannot handle a single woman? What sort of grandmaster are you? Pathetic. Worthless. Weak. You can’t even protect your disciples from this banshee of a woman. How can you expect to protect them from the Wens? Maybe it would be a mercy to kill them all now. At least it would be quick and painless - not like the death you’ll bring them in the future. They’re going to die because of you. Because you’re too weak to protect them. You’re not going to save anyone. You’re dooming everyone to die-

“WEI WUXIAN!” Jiang Cheng screamed but all Wei Wuxian could focus on was how Zidian was wrapped tightly around his neck. He clawed at it, the spiritual weapon frying his fingertips but refused to budge. The resentful energy in him began to rebel, rampaging through his body in response to this much hostile spiritual qi.

He could feel blood clogging his throat but he couldn’t breathe. He struggled, frantically bucking and thrashing in a futile attempt to free himself. The resentful energy grew more intense, hotter inside his body.

He could feel the blood rushing to his face but no matter how frantically he clawed at Zidian, he couldn’t get any fresh air into his aching lungs. His vision began going black around the edges, dots dancing in front of his fading eyes.

His body was a battle field between two malicious entities - Zidian, fueled by Madam Yu’s rage and hatred, and his own resentful energy, sick and tired of his complacency and weakness. If he didn’t know any better, he might have felt that the resentful energy was beginning to side with Zidian’s spark in an effort to punish him.

A gasp rang out as his hands fell limply at his sides, his bloodied, torn fingers scraping gently on the dirt and stone beneath his cooling body. He struggled to keep his eyes open. Even though Zidian’s constrictive grasp on his throat was gone, his lungs refused to inflate. His body refused to move.

“You-” Madam Yu hissed. Wei Wuxian dragged his eyes to her face with the last of his strength. He felt his dying body jerk at the expression he saw there.

The rage had been replaced with something raw and horrified, as if she couldn’t believe what she had done. Someone was by his side, holding him. He could almost feel their warmth, but all he could truly focus on was how he could still feel Zidian’s electricity shocking his muscles forcing him to twitch.

“Keep your eyes open!” Jiang Cheng screamed, shoving as much qi into his meridians as he possibly could. Wei Wuxian wanted to open his mouth to tell his brother that the efforts were only making the pain worse - his meridians were as shredded as his fingers, and the other boy’s added qi was pouring salt into the wounds - but he couldn’t. “Shit... shit! SHIT! Tell me everything when you wake up you son of a bitch!”

Wei Wuxian fell limp in his arms, marking the third time he died in his brother’s embrace. Marking the fifth time he died right in front of his brother’s eyes.

Chapter Text

“I can’t believe we’re only eleven behind GusuLan...” Jiang Cheng whispered, shock flooding his system. He knew they had to have been close to first, given how the ambush went, but only eleven? He never anticipated being so neck-and-neck with GusuLan of all people.

“I-” Wen Chao stood abruptly only to gasp, eyes widening. The boy paled and stumbled back before falling to his knees behind his table. Jiang Cheng glanced at Wei Wuxian, wondering if he was also seeing the strange display, only to feel his heart stop beating entirely.

Wei Wuxian was staring up at Wen Chao, eyes burning a bloody red. Wisps of resentful energy radiated from his body, but that wasn’t what made Jiang Cheng’s blood run cold.

No, it was the scar forming across his throat, right under the scar from his second attempt on his life. It was lower, closer to the base of his throat. A scar that looked sickeningly like a lightning strike.

Wei Wuxian’s legs gave out as Wen Rouhan gave his final speech and dismissed the tournament. Instantly, Jiang Cheng was by his side. Jin Zixuan and Lan Wangji raced close as well, blocking Wei Wuxian’s prone form from onlookers.

“Is everything okay?” Someone nearby whispered.

“Did he get hurt or something during the tournament?”

“We’re leaving.” Jiang Cheng all but ordered, pulling Wei Wuxian’s weight onto his shoulder. A moment later, most of the weight had vanished. Glancing to the side, he saw that Lan Wangji had scooped Wei Wuxian’s other arm and placed it over his own shoulder.

“This way!” A voice called. Jiang Cheng saw Nie Huaisang off to the side, behind a large boulder. He and Lan Wangji quickly made their way over, Jin Zixuan followed close behind. The older boy’s body was tense, the anxiety radiating off of him like resentful energy. He grunted a little as he tried to lower Wei Wuxian to the ground as gracefully as possible, succeeding in only throwing his brother a small amount.

“What happened?” Jin Zixuan asked, eyes wide as he scanned Wei Wuxian’s face. His brows furrowed when he spotted a scar that most certainly hadn’t been there moments prior. It took a beat, but when he realized what must have happened, he felt his own knees weaken. “Who-who did this to him?”

“Zidian,” Jiang Cheng said, spitting venom with every syllable. “Only one weapon could make such marks.”

“And for them to appear now...”

“Jiang Furen killed him.” Lan Zhan said, low and dangerous.

“The reset changed again.” Nie Huaisang was the first to point it out.

“You’re right,” Jiang Cheng felt the knot in his stomach tighten. “We wouldn’t be here if he went back to the abyss.”

“Wei Ying, how are you-” Lan Zhan cut himself off, just barely managing to throw himself out of the way before Wei Wuxian emptied his stomach into the parched ground.

“Fuck,” Wei Wuxian gasped as his body convulsed, but only bile and saliva was left to be spat into the puddle. “Not again...”

“What happened?” Jiang Cheng demanded, tone harsh despite the gentle hand running along Wei Wuxian’s spine. Wei Wuxian took a calming breath, trying to force his core and the resentful energy to coexist, even just for a few damn minutes. Wiping the bile from his mouth onto his sleeve, he swallowed past a knot in his throat.

“We were hiding the chests,” He finally managed to choke out. “But she found out... she started blaming the disciples so I-I had to step in. She-she was furious, calling me a traitor to the clan. I... I don’t think she meant to kill me. I didn’t think she was capable of looking so-so scared. The resentful energy, it-it’s never reacted like that before. It-it felt like it was trying to-to punish me.”

“It doesn’t matter if she meant to do it or not,” Jiang Cheng was seething. How was he supposed to go back to Yunmeng knowing his own Mother just killed Wei Wuxian. “She did. She killed you - with Zidian no less!”

“Maybe this was a good thing,” Wei Wuxian’s throat stung, both from the bile and from the ghost of his most recent death. He could still feel the way the resentful energy was collected along his neck, like a sick excuse of an embrace. “Wen Chao had called for us to be disqualified but everyone defended me... Wen Rouhan had to publicly apologize for his son. We would have been in way more trouble if I had let him finish his declaration this time.”

“Even if it stopped Wen Chao from running his slimy mouth, there’s no way this could qualify as a good thing.” Jin Zixuan denied instantly.

“Here, drink slowly,” Nie Huaisang knelt in front of Wei Wuxian, offering a water skin he must have pulled from his sleeve. “You don’t want to make yourself sick again.”

“Could the theory about the resentful energy changing when he gets sent back to be true?” Jin Zixuan asked, glancing at the young men gathered around him.

“Possibly,” Jiang Cheng hummed, looking equal parts uneasy and bloodthirsty. “There’s definitely enough resentful energy here to qualify.”

“That still doesn’t explain why he kept waking up in the Cloud Recesses.” Nie Huaisang pointed out.

Wei Wuxian listened to them talk, too tired to add anything. His body ached and his throat felt as though he swallowed coals. With a trembling hand, he reached into his robes and pulled out the handkerchief and pressed it to his lips. Instantly, the turmoil in his body began to calm. The scent of sandalwood had faded, but it was enough.

“Lan Zhan-” He began to say only to jolt forward, the handkerchief fluttering to the ground as his fingers desperately pried at Lan Zhan’s. The blood welling up under Lan Zhan’s nails had begun dripping into the dirt, watering it with its favorite drink. “What are you doing!?”

“She... she killed you,” Lan Zhan ground out, digging his nails deeper into his palms despite Wei Wuxian’s efforts to stop him from hurting himself. “She used her spiritual weapon and killed you.”

“Lan Zhan, it’s fine-”

“The Violet Spider best be careful not to cross my path,” Lan Zhan was shaking with the effort to restrain his rage. Wei Wuxian had never seen such pure bloodlust from the other boy before - not even when he was the Yiling Laozu. Even then, Hanguang-Jun always had an air of grace to him. When they fought - when Wei Wuxian said awful, spiteful things fueled by fear and the resentful whispers - there was still decorum. “I cannot be held accountable for my actions should she make that mistake.”

“Lan Zhan, no,” Wei Wuxian said firmly, finally able to pry the other boy’s nails out of his palms. There were eight deep cuts, the crescent moons steadily dripping blood onto the dirt below their feet. “We can’t focus on that right now. We have bigger things that need our attention.”

“She killed you.” Lan Zhan repeated, as if he couldn’t believe Wei Wuxian would forget such a crucial detail.

“So did you,” Wei Wuxian regretted it the moment he said it. Lan Zhan froze, eyes widening and face going pale as his robes. The air itself seemed to be holding its breath, all eyes focused on him. “Lan Zhan... Yes, she killed me, but it doesn’t matter right now. Right now we have to focus on preparing for the reeducation. We don’t have the luxury of despairing over something that has no real consequence.”

“No real consequence?” Lan Zhan asked, voice going up at the end. “You are scarred now. You will carry the mark of her sins for the rest of your life.”

“I’ve carried the mark of worse before,” Wei Wuxian assured him with a small smile. It seemed to be enough to break Lan Zhan from his mental spiral, at least a little bit. He took Lan Zhan’s hands in his own, using his spiritual energy to heal the self-inflicted wounds. “Look at me, yeah? I’m here. I’m okay. I’m breathing and talking to you. Since the timeline reset, it never actually happened, and we can prevent it from ever being an option.”

“It did happen,” Lan Zhan shook his head. “It happened to you. Even if she won’t remember, you will.”

“Ah, you know how my memory can be,” He chuckled lightly. “I’ll probably forget by the end of the day!”

A bold faced lie, and they all knew it. They also knew what Wei Wuxian was trying to do - lighten the mood, and keep their morale up. It could spell disaster if they lost hope so early on.

“Jiang Cheng?”

“Y-yeah?”

“I need you to promise me something,” Wei Wuxian said, still focusing on Lan Zhan’s palms. “And I need you to take it seriously.”

“What do you want me to promise?” Jiang Cheng asked in turn. He seemed to sense the fact that Wei Wuxian was beating around the bush.

“Never raise Sandu against your parents,” He murmured just loud enough for everyone gathered to hear. “I don’t care what happens. I-I need you to promise.”

“I can’t do that.” Jiang Cheng instantly shook his head.

“Jiang Cheng!”

“Wei Wuxian!” Jiang Cheng shouted back, face twisting in a scowl. “How could you make me promise such a thing? After what she did to you? After what they’ve both been doing to you for years?”

“It doesn’t matter-”

“Like fuck it doesn’t matter!” His voice was getting louder, less stable. “How can I look at them knowing what I could have prevented!?”

“You couldn’t have prevented this,” Wei Wuxian murmured, head falling forward. He mindlessly reached a hand up, tracing the new scar with his fingers. It wasn’t as raised as the other scar on his throat, but it was rough under his gentle touch. “You can’t blame yourself.”

“I saw how they treated you-”

“And what would have happened if you said anything?” Wei Wuxian challenged, making Jiang Cheng fall silent. “You would have been punished. You would have been hurt too... who knows? They might have sent me away for good.”

“I...”

“Look, I know I can gloss over important things but I swear it’s okay,” He tried to offer the other boy his most reassuring smile. “She can’t hurt me in any way that matters anymore. Besides, we have far more important things to focus on.”

“Still,” Nie Huaisang looked troubled as he bit the nail of his thumb. “To think that Jiang Furen would go so far...”

“Huaisang!” A booming voice made everyone freeze. “What in the Gods’ names are you doing all the way over here? Are you trying to embarrass our clan more than you already do-”

Nie Mingjue came barreling around the corner only to skid to a stop when he saw the position his brother and the other boys were in. He surveyed the five, the anger on his face fading to something calmer.

“Dage-”

“What’s going on here?” He asked softly - a tone that didn’t sound right coming from his mouth.

“I can explain.” Nie Huaisang carefully placed himself between his brother and his friends. Wei Wuxian felt his throat stinging when he noticed Jiang Cheng, Lan Zhan, and Jin Zixuan do the same.

“Then explain,” Nie Mingjue crossed his arms, his muscles flexing threateningly under the sleeves of his robes. His gaze jumped from one face to another until it finally settled on Wei Wuxian’s. The boy felt as though he was being held at sword point, pinned under the man’s intense eyes. “Wei Wuxian.”

“Y-yes, Sect Leader Nie?”

“You were injured?”

“Wh-” His hand flew to his throat, eyes widening in horror. Nie Mingjue seemed equally as shocked, his eyebrows flying up to meet his bangs.

“During the tournament?” Nie Mingjue tried to clarify. “I saw how you were limping out of the trees... what happened to your throat?”

“Nothing,” Wei Wuxian said quickly. He winced, knowing how guilty the admission made him sound. “I’m fine.”

“Huaisang.”

“Yes, Dage?”

“What actually happened?”

“He was injured during the tournament,” Lan Zhan spoke up. “He was struck by a ghost. It lost its physical form and flew through his side. He was bruised very badly.”

“Let me see,” Nie Mingjue huffed, moving to kneel in front of Wei Wuxian. The other boys moved out of his way without a fight, their eyes darting to one another’s in a silent, panicked conversation. “Wei Wuxian, I don’t give orders twice.”

“It really is fine...” He muttered childishly as he pulled his robes aside. He hissed at the pain - he had healed it up enough over the following days that he had forgotten how tender his side had been when the wound was fresh. Nie Mingjue hummed before prodding at the discoloration. Wei Wuxian winced but a scathing glare sent from the man towards Lan Zhan, who instantly jerked forward, had him frozen in place.

“You really got the shit end of the stick, huh kid?” Nie Mingjue chuckled a little as his prodding went a little higher. Wei Wuxian whined softly in the back of his throat as he felt the ache settle deep in his ribs. “You said a ghost did this?”

“Mhm,” He hummed through gritted teeth. “Don’t-don’t know how it happened though.”

“Give me your wrist.”

Wei Wuxian hesitated but obeyed. Nie Mingjue sent a thread of his own spiritual qi into his meridians, checking to see that everything was as it should be. Wei Wuxian could feel the sweat collecting on the small of his back yet he felt like he was freezing.

He knew what Nie Mingjue would find. He knew what his meridians looked like, and it was almost as incriminating as if he summoned a corpse in front of the entire cultivation world.

“Gods above kid...” Nie Mingjue trailed off, not releasing Wei Wuxian’s arm. “You’re a mess.”

“I-I don’t-”

“So this is why you were asking me about that,” The man turned to look at his brother, who silently nodded. “I see...”

Sighing, Nie Mingjue pushed himself back to his feet, grunting a little as his joints popped back into place. Wei Wuxian remained on the ground, scared stiff of what the man was going to do to him now that he knew he had resentful energy nesting inside his body.

Nie Mingjue reached into his robes and began to pull something out. Acting on sheer instinct alone, Wei Wuxian threw his arms up over his face, sending a wall of resentful energy up to keep some distance between himself and the other man. Jiang Cheng swore as he jumped back, tugging Jin Zixuan along with him. Lan Zhan winced but didn’t move from Wei Wuxian’s side.

“Fuck!” Nie Mingjue gasped, nearly dropping what he had grabbed. He managed to catch it before it hit the ground, and in that split second Wei Wuxian noticed it wasn’t a weapon at all, but rather a small, cloth bag.

“Sorry-” He rasped out, forcing the shadows to calm themselves. The resentful energy nipped at him, making his hands twitch and tense before he was able to relax them again. “I’m sorry! I-I... I don’t know what-”

“Here,” Nie Mingjue reached his free hand out to help Wei Wuxian to his feet. After a moment of deliberation, Wei Wuxian accepted it. He tried to bite back the surprised yelp that escaped his lips when he was hauled up with enough strength to lift his feet from the ground entirely. Once he was upright, Nie Mingjue handed Wei Wuxian the cloth pouch. “Spiritual qi is good for healing wounds, sure, but it wastes a lot of energy in the process... and using that much spiritual qi when your meridians are a mess like that will only cause you problems down the road. The pouch has an herb mixture. Boil the herbs and strain the water out. Grind the leaves down a little and apply them to the bruising. It helps to keep them in place overnight with a bandage.”

“What?” Wei Wuxian asked dumbly, taking the bag.

“Nie cultivators know better than anyone how difficult it is to balance the yin and yang energies in one’s core,” Nie Mingjue said, sounding wise but hesitant, as though he was struggling to speak without saying the whole truth. “We’ve developed many medicinal ways to heal wounds without aggravating other... injuries.”

“Balance your yin and yang energies, huh?” Wei Wuxian whispered to himself as he opened the pouch and peeked inside. True to what Nie Mingjue had told him, he was greeted by the sight of several different herbs, all chopped finely and mixed together.

“Are you...” Nie Mingjue trailed off, looking to his brother as if the younger boy could finish his sentence for him. To his credit, Nie Huaisang simply shook his head a little before raising his fan over his mouth.

“I’m fine,” Wei Wuxian promised once more. “I’ll be even better once I have a chance to use your generous gift.”

“Whatever you do, don’t overwork yourself,” Nie Mingjue warned him. Wei Wuxian felt five sets of eyes boring into his head at the command. “Added stress is going to mess you up more. Do you have anyone close to you that uses musical cultivation?”

Wei Wuxian instinctively looked to Lan Zhan, who immediately locked eyes with him. Once more, silver met gold and for a split second, the world was calm.

“I meant someone physically close to you,” Nie Mingjue must have noticed the air between Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan change. Wei Wuxian looked back to the man and shook his head. “That complicates things a little. The Lans have something called Cleansing. It’s a spiritual song that calms the mind and helps you filter your meridians. Xichen has been playing for me when he can and it’s honestly done wonders.”

“Can it be played on anything?” Wei Wuxian knew of Cleansing. In his first life, Hanguang-Jun had tried to play for him a few times. Mostly during the war, but even a few times afterwards. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but he did always feel a little calmer afterwards, though he had never been confident on if it was the spiritual aspect, or the fact that Lan Zhan’s playing was just so perfect.

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan hummed in response. “It is most effective when played on the guqin but any instrument has the capabilities of playing Cleansing correctly.”

“Hey Jiang Cheng,” Wei Wuxian turned to grin at his brother. “Have any interest in learning the dizi?”

“Had you asked me at the beginning of the summer I would have laughed in your face,” He deadpanned before sighing. “But now? I can’t say I haven’t thought about it.”

“I can teach you the basics,” Wei Wuxian’s chest felt strange. To think that a lifetime ago, he had been the sole reason dizis had all but been banned across not only the cultivation world, but the civilian world as well. No one dared sell the instrument, and even fewer dared play one. “Lan Zhan, do you think we could get our hands on the sheet music for it?”

“Of course,” He replied without hesitation. “I will copy it for you as soon as I return.”

“You won’t get in trouble?”

“It is of no consequence.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but let out a breathy laugh. Lan Zhan’s eyes widened a hair, his ears turning an endearing shade of pink under his ribbon. “You’ve become such a delinquent! I think you’ve been spending too much time around me.”

“I’d prefer for it to be more,” Lan Zhan murmured, looking away. “But I will not be selfish with what I am given.”

“Wh-” Wei Wuxian lost his confidence, his own blush making his face turn bright red.

“So that’s what you meant,” Nie Mingjue muttered, pinching the skin between his eyes. Nie Huaisang covered his face with his fan once more, but not quickly enough to completely hide the shit-eating grin adorning his lips. “I had hoped you had been exaggerating in some aspect.”

“Me? Exaggerate?” Nie Huasang placed a faux offended hand to his chest. “Dage, you of all people should know how genuine I am at heart!”

“Genuine my ass,” The man rolled his eyes. “We should be getting back, but first... Wei Wuxian - can I speak to you alone for a moment?”

Wei Wuxian tensed, his hands shaking. Lan Zhan stepped between him and Nie Mingjue once again, as if a boy of sixteen could stand against a Sect leader at all, let alone one built like Nie Mingjue. The man raised an eyebrow before taking a deep breath.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” He scoffed, as if offended that the boys before him could possibly think such a thing. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Alright, but we really should be getting back.” Wei Wuxian agreed only because he knew they wouldn’t be able to have a long conversation before someone came looking for them.

“Huaisang, you take the others and go on ahead,” He used his head to gesture in the direction he had come. “We’ll be along in a minute.”

“Yes, Dage.”

“Wait a second!” Jiang Cheng tried to protest only to find his arm in a crushing embrace as Nie Huaisang caged it in his own.

“You heard Dage,” he said with an innocent smile, as if he wasn’t a shred of strength away from fracturing Jiang Cheng’s bones. “He won’t hurt a fly.”

Jin Zixuan reached out and tugged on the end of Lan Zhan’s sleeve, silently urging the other boy to follow them. Lan Zhan hesitated, only moving when he saw Wei Wuxian give him a reassuring nod. As they left, Wei Wuxian couldn’t help the fondness that threatened to choke him as the three boys kept glancing over their shoulders at him.

“What did you wish to speak to me about?” He asked politely. He was grateful for the advice from the older man, and he knew Nie Huaisang trusted his brother which meant Wei Wuxian, in some capacity, trusted him as well.

But this was the first time he had ever been alone with Sect Leader Nie in any lifetime.

“A-Sang is plotting something,” Nie Mingjue started, crossing his arms again. “He won’t tell me the details, but I can tell it’s important to him. I don’t think he’s realized but he’s slipped up a few times. I know how I appear to others - a mindless barbarian with more muscles than brain - but he and I are blood related. We got our cunning from the same parent.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Wei Wuxian didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“Something’s going on. Something big,” Nie Mingjue looked directly into Wei Wuxian’s eyes, refusing to let the boy look away. “And I know it involves you somehow.”

“I-”

“I trust my brother,” Nie Mingjue cut him off. “More than anyone in the world. If A-Sang has decided that this is something worth putting this much effort into, then I’m going to believe in him and support him however I can... unfortunately I can’t do that if he keeps hiding everything from me.”

“And how do I fit into all this?” Wei Wuxian asked, confused as to why the man was bringing this up at all.

“Like I said - I don’t know any real details. I just know it involves you... no, it’s centered around you,” Nie Mingjue nodded a little to himself. “If you speak to him, he may be willing to speak to me in turn.”

“I can’t do that.”

“I had a feeling,” He sighed, scratching the back of his head. “But whatever this is? It’s big - bigger than you. Bigger than me. Bigger than any of us... am I right?”

“...yes,” Wei Wuxian admitted, looking away. “It is.”

“Are you prepared?”

“I can only pray that we are,” He suddenly felt the exhaustion that had been weighing him down double. “We’ve been working tirelessly for months... but will it be enough? Even I don’t know the answer to that.”

“It seems you have some good allies in your corner, at least,” Nie Mingjue reached out, causing Wei Wuxian to flinch the slightest bit. He rested a large, heavy hand on the boy’s shoulder, the sudden weight surprisingly comforting. “Keep your head up, kid. I might not know what you’re doing, but I do know what it feels like to constantly be fighting a losing battle... it can tear even the strongest man to shreds. As long as you have people by your side, it won’t be completely impossible.”

“Thank you, Sect Leader Nie,” Wei Wuxian choked out. “I- that means a lot.”

“Come on,” He removed his hand and gestured for Wei Wuxian to follow. “We should be getting back. A-Sang is probably passing the time by telling your friends embarrassing things about me as we speak.”

“He’s been invaluable,” Wei Wuxian found himself saying. “He told us he was only able to build his network because of your support.”

“Ah, he told you about that? He must really trust you then,” Nie Mingjue hummed. Wei Wuxian knew Nie Huaisang trusted him, but hearing it from his brother really drove home just how much the other boy believed in him. “No one was more surprised than me when I found out, but the more I thought about it the more sense it made. A-Sang is brilliant, so it never made sense to me that he would fail classes so easily. He’s strong, so it never made sense that he would act so weak.”

“I was a little surprised to hear you yelling at him when you first came over. I thought your relationship was closer than that.”

“It is,” He denied instantly. “We have... a little act we perform in public. He needs to keep up the airs he worked so hard to build. All I have to do is treat him like a worthless second young master around outsiders and it protects his facade.”

“I see...” Wei Wuxian trailed off, partially because he wasn’t sure what he would have said next, but also because as soon as they turned the corner he found several faces swarming his vision. Without another word, Nie Mingjue slipped away.

“Young Master Wei!” Wen Ning cried softly, face twisted in worry. “Young Master Jiang said you had been injured during the tournament! Are you alright? My sister could look at you-”

“I wouldn’t want to bother her,” He chuckled softly. “Sect Leader Nie already gave me something to help with the bruising.”

“Oh, alright...” Wen Ning trailed off, looking down at his boots. “You’re sure you're okay?”

“Mhm,” Warmth filled his chest. “Thank you for worrying about me.”

“Wei Wuxian,” Jiang Cheng came over, a strange look on his face. “It’s time for us to go. Father is waiting with the other disciples.”

“We’ll meet again, Wen Ning,” Wei Wuxian smiled brightly at the other boy. “Stay out of trouble in the meantime, yeah?”

“I-I’ll try my best.”

“You know, there’s a superstition in Yunmeng,” He began, making Jiang Cheng furrow his brows a little. “If you sew radish seeds into the hems of your robes, it’ll bring good luck. It’s silly, but why not try it? You never know when it might come in handy.”

“Radish seeds?” Wen Ning tilted his head to the side a fraction. “I’ve never heard of something like that.”

“Because it’s an old wives tale from Lotus Pier,” Wei Wuxian said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “Couldn’t hurt to try! Maybe it’ll bring you and your family luck in the future.”

“Maybe...” Wen Ning offered him a small smile. “Take care, Young Master Wei.”

Wei Wuxian gave the boy one final wave before falling into step beside his brother as they headed towards where the other Jiang disciples were waiting.

“What was that about?” Jiang Cheng asked once they were out of earshot of anyone.

“Planting the seeds for the future, I suppose,” Wei Wuxian locked his fingers behind his head as he walked. “It might not work, but it could potentially make things easier for the remnants should everything go wrong again.”

“Oh,” Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened. “I didn’t- there’s no Yunmeng superstition like that, so I was confused for a moment but... you’re looking out for them already. They don’t even know who you are, yet you’re working to keep them safe.”

“I owe it to them.”

“Wei Ying, a moment?” Lan Zhan appeared by his side.

“I think I can spare a moment,” Wei Wuxian smiled. From the corner of his eye, he saw Jiang Cheng open his mouth to object. Thankfully his brother thought better of it. “We need to be leaving soon, though.”

Lan Zhan nodded, clearly deep in thought as he led Wei Wuxian off to the side. Jiang Cheng watched them go, positioning himself to appear as though he was simply waiting and not as though he was anxious over being separated.

“Is something wrong?” Wei Wuxian asked, noticing the furrow in the other boy’s brow.

“Through everything you’ve told us,” Lan Zhan started carefully. “I noticed a common denominator.”

“Mhm?” Wei Wuxian hummed, not sure where Lan Zhan was going with this.

“One thing that seemed to connect almost every tragedy was misunderstandings,” He continued after a moment of silence. “Too many things went wrong because intentions were not expressed properly.”

“Ah, I suppose that’s true,” Wei Wuxian covered his wince with a chuckle. “I can be a little stubborn, I guess.”

“Because of that, I refuse to allow this misunderstanding to stretch on,” Lan Zhan squared his shoulders. “Especially not if we’re to be separated for months. I need to clear this between us before you leave me again.”

“I don’t think I’m following...” Wei Wuxian glanced around, as if someone would appear out of thin air and explain what was going on.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan said, tone and expression equally grave. “I... I have feelings for you. I have for quite some time now, even before you began the time loop. I allowed you to touch my ribbon not because I view you as a family member in the sense of a brother, but as a partner. I will follow you to the end because I trust you, and believe in you, and can’t imagine my life without you in it. Hearing of what became of you in your first life fills me with such rage and sorrow that I don’t know what to do with myself. Under the sun, I mourn the fact that you are not by my side and under the moon all I dream of is your smile, your laugh, your touch...”

“You-” Wei Wuxian would have bet money that he had never been so red before. He couldn’t comprehend what Lan Zhan was saying! He had feelings? For someone as deplorable as the Yiling Laozu? It simply didn’t make sense. Even in this timeline, it didn’t make sense! Lan Zhan was a close friend - one he trusted and respected and cared for more than anyone. It never crossed his mind that those feelings could be anything more than platonic.

But did he care? Did he actually mind that Lan Zhan had feelings for him? He couldn’t imagine Lan Zhan not being in his life now. He craved Lan Zhan’s presence, and mourned his absence. A handkerchief was enough to calm the resentful energy that threatened to consume him, simply because it was imbued with Lan Zhan’s spiritual qi. Lan Zhan was the first person who believed him, who dedicated his life to ensuring Wei Wuxian’s success, and in turn Lan Zhan was the first person he allowed himself to fully trust.

Was that not love?

“And I’m not telling you this to pressure you into returning my feelings,” Lan Zhan continued, clearly losing his spine. His shoulders curled up towards his ears and he glanced away, eyes slightly glassy. “I-I don’t expect you to feel the same but... but I couldn’t allow you to leave today and not-not tell you outright. So many things went wrong because we - because I did not express my intentions properly. I refuse to allow that to happen ever again. Even if you never feel the same, I will follow you regardless. I will stay by your side no matter how you view me... even if you decide you no longer wish for me to be in your life, I will continue to love you from afar-”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian cried, reaching out and taking the other boy’s cheeks in his hands. Lan Zhan startled, eyes widening as Wei Wuxian pulled his face closer, their noses almost touching. This close, Wei Wuxian could see the tears clinging to Lan Zhan’s bottom lashes. “Allow this one to respond before you begin to plan our future!”

“Our future?” His voice wavered dangerously.

“How could I ever want you anywhere but by my side?” He couldn’t help but laugh a little at the shocked look on Lan Zhan’s face. “Lan Zhan! Oh Lan Zhan you beautiful idiot, how can you be so brilliant and so dim?”

“I-I don’t-” Lan Zhan stuttered, and Wei Wuxian thought he had never looked so lost before. It made the fondness in his chest crawl up this throat, choking him. Without thinking, Wei Wuxian surged forward and slammed their lips together.

It was not a perfect first kiss. It was a little too clumsy and there was a little too much teeth, but Wei Wuxian felt his core sing in his chest as Lan Zhan’s hand came to rest on his hip, his own hands still cupping Lan Zhan’s face.

It took a moment, but before long the kiss settled into something more comfortable. His hands fell from Lan Zhan’s cheeks and came to rest on his shoulders, similar to how they had when he was trying to tie the ribbon during the tournament. Lan Zhan’s grip on his waist tightened, pulling him closer so their chests were flush against one another’s.

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Jiang Cheng all but screeched. “You’re doing this here!?”

“I’ll kill him.” Lan Zhan growled against Wei Wuxian’s mouth, and for once Wei Wuxian found himself agreeing with the idea of causing bodily harm to his dear brother.

“Look,” Jiang Cheng appeared by his side, scowl on his face and blush on his cheeks. “I’m happy that you both finally got your heads out of your respective asses, but this is not the time nor place for a confession! Father will be coming to find us any second now.”

“I’ll write to you,” Lan Zhan swore, leaning in to press another kiss to Wei Wuxian’s lips. “As soon as I’m back in Gusu.”

“Send a butterfly too,” Wei Wuxian smiled into the next kiss. “I want to hear your voice.”

“I’m going to throw up.” Jiang Cheng lamented, clearly wanting to run away but choosing to stand as a barrier between the two and anyone who might walk up.

“I have to go.” Wei Wuxian pressed a kiss to the corner of Lan Zhan’s mouth.

“Mhm.” Lan Zhan nipped at his bottom lip, drawing a soft gasp from Wei Wuxian.

“I don’t want to go.”

“I know,” Lan Zhan murmured, pulling back just enough to look Wei Wuxian in the eye. “I don’t want you to go either.”

“We’ll be together soon enough,” Wei Wuxian promised, but it was clear he was trying to soothe his own heart as much as Lan Zhan’s. “I’ll see you in Lanling, yeah?”

“Mhm,” Lan Zhan hummed, looking like a kicked puppy. “Not soon enough.”

“Lan Zhan,” His cheeks ached from smiling. The throbbing of his ribs was all but nonexistent now that Lan Zhan’s warm hands were holding him so delicately. “Just think about how sweet it will taste once we’re reunited after all that time.”

He pulled back, heart skipping a beat when Lan Zhan jolted forward, as if to hold him close once more. He reached out, taking the end of Lan Zhan’s ribbon between his fingers. Now that he knew the importance of it, the weight of the thin fabric seemed to triple.

“I’ll see you soon,” He swore, bringing the end of the ribbon to his mouth and pressing it chastly to his lips. “Take care of yourself in my absence.”

Lan Zhan blinked before the blush on his ears overtook the rest of his face, staining his cheeks and the bridge of his nose with such an alluring shade of pink that Wei Wuxian briefly considered sneaking away from the Jiang delegation and returning to Gusu.

Oh how time can change things - he fought tooth and nail to avoid such a fate, but now all he wanted was to return to the Cloud Recesses, though he’d be willing to go anywhere if it meant Lan Zhan could be by his side.

“I’ll keep him alive,” Jiang Cheng said, sighing as if he was being burdened by the proclamation. “Just make sure you do the same with yourself. I refuse to be the one to hear him lamenting over your stupid decisions.”

“Of course,” Lan Zhan’s voice was distant, eyes faintly glazed. “If it means keeping him happy, I will make sure to take care of myself.”

“Good,” Jiang Cheng glared at Lan Zhan before sighing. “I’m happy for you guys. I couldn’t stand the tension between you - I’m sure when the other two find out they’ll be thanking the gods that we won’t have to watch you dance around one another anymore.”

“What are you even talking about?” Wei Wuxian felt lightheaded. “We never danced around each other.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.” Jiang Cheng grabbed his wrist and began dragging him away.

“Lan Zhan has feelings for me.” Wei Wuxian said dumbly.

“Clearly.”

“He kissed me.”

“From where I was standing it looked more like you kissed him.”

“I kissed him.”

“More like attacked him with your mouth if we’re being honest.”

“It felt... familiar somehow.”

“Familiar?” Jiang Cheng stopped, whirrling around to stare at the other boy. “What the fuck are you talking about? Has he kissed you before?”

“Of course not!” He squawked only to freeze. “Oh shit...”

“Wait, did he?” Jiang Cheng sounded scandalized.

“Not-not in this timeline...”

“He kissed you in your first life?” Jiang Cheng blinked several times, as if he were trying to determine if he was awake or if he was hallucinating this conversation. “I thought he hated you.”

“So did I,” Wei Wuxian could feel his blush draining from his face. “But for some reason I’m thinking of-”

He sucked in a sharp breath, paling as the realization began to set it.

“Thinking of what?”

“Nothing,” He said quickly, beginning to walk briskly towards where the group of purple clad disciples were gathered. “Forget I said anything.”

“Wei Wuxian!”

If he closed his eyes, he could recall the moment someone pinned him to a tree and kissed him breathless, all while he was blindfolded. He had been shocked that this maiden would be bold enough to take his first kiss in such a manner, but now that he had a point of reference...

“How will I ever face him again?” He whispered in horror.

“You should both be grateful I most likely won’t smother you in your sleep.” Jiang Cheng growled as he drew Sandu in preparation for their departure.

“Don’t worry,” Wei Wuxian followed suit, drawing Suibian. As he mounted the blade, he turned to his brother with a blank expression. Jiang Cheng faltered a little at the sight. “You won’t have to do anything for I will be drowning myself immediately upon our return.”

“Do it in the southern lake,” Jiang Cheng scoffed. “Give the disciples another ghost story to whisper about.”

“Have I ever told you how much I appreciate your love and support?”

“Shove it.” Jiang Cheng growled, the wind whipping his hair around his burning red ears.