Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cloudless nights at the crisp of spring are the brightest and freshest. When the moon is at its most luminous and the stars flash vividly, a glistering glitter speckled across the sky. Illuminated by the darkness.

These nights are best spent in the company of good friends and good booze. For Kyoraku Shuunsui that means Ukitake and fine Sake. On occasion Yama-ji joins in, providing an endless supply of freshly brewed tea, cozy heat to protect from the chill and, if they’re lucky, a midnight skewer of grilled meat.   

What Kyoraku had not expected however, when opening the door to one of his supposed guests for the evening, was to find the wrong Shiro-chan standing there.

Tipping his hat and blasting away a welcoming smile he covers his initial surprise “Well, good evening Captain Hitsugaya, what owes me the pleasure of your visit at this late hour?” The ‘Isn’t it past your usual bedtime?’ goes unsaid as Kyoraku steps aside to allow the boy entrance.

There’s something awkward and rigid settled into his slim shoulders and Hitsugaya does not respond in any way as he steps over the threshold, gaze flittering around at anything and everything other than the older man.

Toshiro hides a lot behind his closed-off attitude and pinched scowls but Kyoraku is a master at the art of seeing through masks and reading people’s true intentions.

Shuunsui’s initial assessment finds Toshiro as grumpy and aloof as always but behind that scowl is something else.

Unease.

Whatever the cause is it seems to have made the kid uncomfortable enough to leave the Tenth late at night and trek his way over to the Eighth in his sleeping yukata with Hyorinmaru strapped to his back and no shoes in sight.

Without his haori and the added bulk layers of uniform Toshiro looks even smaller than normally. His appearance and mannerisms doesn’t give much away other than that he’s not yet ready to share what’s troubling him. Choosing instead to avoid eye contact, clench his little fists and glare daggers at random objects like Kyoraku’s collection of vintage Sake bottles, his table, the tatami, the Sake set, a stack of novels…

Whilst discreetly covering a piece of art before the child in the room can see it Kyoraku raises a brow, peering down at the clearly bothered kid but Toshiro is as tight-lipped and obdurate as always.

Well, at least Toshiro is here and not taking off alone. Running away to try and solve his problems on his own despite being in way over his head again.

Seems like the talking to he and Ukitake gave the kid after the Kusaka incident did have some effect. Toshiro is reaching out. That’s a step in the right direction.

“Please have a seat.” Kyoraku inclines towards the table.

Toshiro lets his eyes wander across the contains sitting atop the table, taking in bottles of fine Sake, the real expensive stuff. A few exquisite looking cups. Plates of nuts and seeds. His brows knit together and then morphs to another scowl. “You expecting company.”

It’s not a question and Kyoraku smiles lazily as he settles down on a cushion, once again waving his hand gesturing for Toshiro to sit. “Just Ukitake. Maybe Yama-ji if he can find the time. It’s a beautiful night for stargazing, don’t you think?”

Finally Toshiro takes a seat, nodding slowly.

“Perhaps you’d like to join us.” In the same way Toshiro’s remark about company hadn’t been a question neither is this. It’s an invitation. Truth to be, Kyoraku would much rather send the kid to bed at this hour but Hitsugaya is generally responsible, if he’s here and not in bed then something is clearly bothering him. Especially considering the state he’s in. Where the hell did this kid leave his shoes?

Even if he’s still struggling with communicating his problems Toshiro is at least seemingly able to seek out help when he’s troubled. And one skill Kyoraku gleefully prides himself in possessing is the art of prying, especially with Juu-chan's assistance. There are other ways to get Toshiro to talk but gentle wheedling is the most considerate on all participants this time around.

“Shuunsui—oh!?” Ukitake, it seems, does not knock. He barges in with a cheerful candour and stops dead upon seeing Toshiro. For a second his eyes widen in surprise, then a tiny frown appears as the look of surprise transforms into joy. “Toshiro-chan! What a pleasant surprise.”

Sending Kyoraku a skilfully concealed touch of the stink-eye Ukitake drops a huge gift basket of fresh fruits on the table, making sure it obscures Toshiro's line of sight to the jugs of Sake. “Are you joining us tonight? Has Shuunsui not offered you anything to drink yet?”

Kyoraku jiggles a bottle between his fingers inclining the Sake and…if looks could kill Kyoraku would have been a dead man many many years ago. However Kyoraku Shuunsui stands as a testament to the fact that looks are evidently not lethal.

“Shuunsui!”

“Ooofh! Oow.” Apples, on the other hand, are little on-the-off-chance potentially lethal projectiles that mostly just knock his hat off and leave a bump as they make Juushiro’s way to admonish him.

Rubbing the bump and picking his hat back up Kyoraku chuckles to appease his glaring friend and a rather wide-eyed Toshiro. “It was a joke. I’m just being a gracious host, offering the guests the finest.”

Ukitake’s glare intensifies as he sits down with a huff, crossing his arms and tapping his fingers expectantly against his elbow. Raising an eyebrow as Kyoraku waves his hands to pacify the situation “Come on now, Juu. You know I don’t expect the kid to take up on the offer. If he did I certainly would not serve him alcohol, honest. I’d cuff him around the ear and send him to the wall for a time out.”

Another huff and Kyoraku sweatdrops while Toshiro watches the exchange like some kind of back and forth ball game.

“There’s water in the kettle. I was waiting for Yama-ji. He usually brings his high-end matcha. I’m sure Toshiro would much favour a cup of that. Am I right?” Kyoraku throws Hitsugaya a silent plea for help.

Toshiro nods slowly, a cup of the Captain Commander’s matcha is indeed a rare treat he’s not inclined to pass up on. 

Yamamoto shows up not even ten minutes later and he too does a double take at seeing Toshiro, clearly finding it a surprise to see him here. “Captain Hitsugaya, what a pleasure.”

All in all they have a pleasant stargazing. Cups of fine Sake shared between them. The Commander brews his matcha for Toshiro, and Ukitake, though he allows Kyoraku to pour him the occasional small cup of Sake, sticks mostly to tea as well. Idle chit-chat about the past and memories from long ago flow between them.

Toshiro remains quiet. Not really joining in the conversations and seemingly not even taking notice. He’s never been the talk-active sort like Yachiru and most kids his age but he’s unusually quiet. Usually he makes at least a few acerbic comments and sarcastic little quips that pokes just right but tonight nothing.

Clutching his fourth or fifth cup of tea (because Yama-ji keeps refilling his cup when he’s not watching) Toshiro trails the moon’s path across the sky with those large clear eyes of his, reflecting back the twinkling stars and that longing reverent gaze that make the three older men present wonder if the child sees the same sky they do. Or if he sees something else, something more.

Toshiro startles, nearly dropping his cup as a stray firecracker suddenly breaks the sky, shattering the view in a sparkle of blue, red and pink.

“Ooh!” Kyoraku’s brows goes high and he laughs “My, my looks like someone’s partying for real. I’ll toast to that.” He raises his cup and swigs it back.

Ukitake chuckles, shaking his head a little. “That looked like it came from the direction of the tenth.” It may have been nothing more than an offhanded comment but Kyoraku notes how it makes Toshiro fidget just a little bit. Kid covers it by taking a sip of tea. That’s awkwardness in him. He’s hiding something and this might be their first clue and chance.

Now, how to proceed?

Yama-ji beats him to it. “What is going on at your division Captain Hitsugaya?” The Commander asks, the little uptick in his voice enough to reveal that he finds this rather amusing.

“A party.” Toshiro admits rather reluctantly, swirling his teacup. “It was Matsumoto’s idea. She figured everyone needed some cheering up after recent events. I somewhat agree, festivities can boost morale. So I let her handle it.”

Chuckling Kyoraku pushes a plate of peanuts across the table “Let me guess, Ran-chan arranged everything, word spread and suddenly it’s become much bigger and rowdier than you had imagined?”

A nod. “She’s done it before but it’s never gotten this out of hand. Usually it’s just our squad and some invited guests but this” he sighs “is a bit excessive.”

“Why have you not stopped them?”

“What’s the point? They’re too drunk to listen. I could freeze them but they’re celebrating, I don’t see any gain in leaving celebrators with frostbite and I honestly don’t mind them having a party.”

“So you left so you wouldn’t be liable for any damages or complaints.” Shuunsui throws his head back and laughs ‘cuz that is hilarious. And sneaky. “Love that, can’t be held responsible if you weren’t there and what better alibi than the Captain Commander himself.”

The interrogation would be a riot.

‘Where were you Captain Hitsugaya when your division descended into wild disorderly conduct?’

‘At the time and date in question I was having tea and stargazing with three other Captains.’

‘Can anyone verify that statement Captain Hitsugaya?’

‘Yes, Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake, as well as Captain Commander Yamamoto where all present.’

Hitsugaya really is a crafty kid. Not even the 46 could argue with that alibi. It’s rock solid.

The kid glowers. Clearly put off at being what he perceives as laughed at. “I had no such intentions! I left because I wanted to go to bed but-!” He snaps his mouth shut and pouts like a child who thinks they’ve said too much and decided they’re going to be uncooperative from here on instead.

Still chuckling, as Toshiro sulks in silence, Shuunsui leans forward to grab a bottle and refill his Sake cup. He’s gonna need a bit more of the fine stuff to handle the fussy kid.

It is getting to be rather late. Brat really ought be put to bed, but Shuunsui is gonna let Juushiro handle it this time. Because he’s sure Ukitake too has noticed how fussy Toshiro seems. Kid’s been looking drowsy for a while and they all know how he gets when he’s overtired.

“But what?” Ukitake asks kindly, tilting his head.

At first the pout becomes tighter but then Toshiro takes a deep breath and sighs heavily.

“There are naked men in my bedroom.” 

He refuses to look at the adults in the room as he tells them that. And the sort of easy solemn simplicity by which he tells them, like he’s commenting on the weather, on the surface comes across as rather nonchalant but Toshiro is clearly bothered. And the effect those words have is immediate.

Yama-ji’s brows shot high up his forehead as his eyes open wide and his jaw drops.

Kyoraku’s swig of Sake goes down the wrong pipe and he chokes and splutters, beating his chest for breath between thick wet coughs.

A jolt goes through Ukitake’s shoulders and he pales dramatically, a large muscle tic passing across the entire left side of his face. He clears his throat “Excuse me, Captain Hitsugaya, I’m not quite sure I heard you correctly…” his forced smile comes across as a bit graceless “it sounded like you just told us there are naked men in your bedroom.”

A single nod.

“Is that why you came here tonight?” Kyoraku asks, having finally recovered enough to speak without wheezing. 

Another nod. “As I planned to retire for the night I discovered three naked grown men in my room.” He frowns then scowls “I didn’t recognize them. They are not from my squad and I do not know how they got into my residence. I tried to question them however they simply grinned at me and kept urging me to join them… I chose to leave…” he trails off, turning his focus onto his tea and muttering “It’s fine.”

“Fine?” Ukitake parrots, brows knitting. He sounds like the word fine suddenly tastes sour to him. “Toshiro,” his tone becomes a mixture between caution and sympathy and Toshiro throws his gaze to the side, looking off into the garden as if he expects to be rebuked. “three grown men breaking into your residence and more so your bedroom, naked, asking you to join them in bed is Not Fine.”

Toshiro’s eyes flicks up then averts again “…I meant, I can sleep on the roof.” He mumbles.

“But you came here.” Kyoraku points out.

The boy’s cheeks puff up. “It seemed a better option than the eleventh, or twelfth.”

Shuunsui feels a twitch he does not let show. He’s met mountains more forthcoming.

Sure, the stubbornness of dragons is the stuff of legends… and here is indeed a legend sitting right infront of them…

A legend that clearly still needs to learn how to communicate his problems, ask for help and accept support.

Well, at least he’s reaching out.

Soul Society wasn’t built in a day…

“Why didn’t you order them to leave?”

Encroaching on a Captain’s residence is a serious offence and a huge security threat. One that if reported would be treated as a mayor violation with severe repercussions. Perhaps even more so in this case considering the added unsettling aspects. The trespassers are adults, intoxicated or not they have exposed themselves to a child, in that child’s bedroom. A space which is supposed to be the safest. Even if the intruders had left when asked, the damage has already been done. Even if the child in question is a Captain.

Had the victim been someone else, like Kenpachi, Kyoraku would have laughed heartedly. Had it been Unohana he would have prayed for their souls and perhaps raised a glass to their commitment to going out as true heroes among men. Had it been Soifon… body parts would be found scatted across Soul Society over the course of the next twelve years. Had it been Komamura or Byakuya there would be a trial. Had it been Kurotsuchi… it would be considered a suicide and left at that. Had it been the Captain Commander, nothing would ever come of it, no one would ever know, it would be as if they never existed.

Shuunsui has snuck into Yama-ji’s bedroom a number of times over the centuries and carries the scars of his escapades as a reminder. The only reason he got away with nothing more than his hide tanned to a brilliant shade rivalling Ryujin-Jakka’s flames was because of who he is.

The thought of Yama-ji finding some random stark-ass naked Shinigami is his quarters… Shuunsui would love to be a fly on the wall for that…

However, the victim this time is Hitsugaya and despite his infamous climate altering temper tantrums, frost bitten attitude and cold persona he’s not actually someone who would intentionally hurt others. If Kyoraku is to be honest Toshiro is probably more likely to hurt himself… which is an unsettling thought, but the kid has shown a certain tendency to lack self-preservation.

Toshiro huffs, crossing his arms. “You overestimate the intellectual capacity of the common drunk. I am astonished by their sheer lack of word comprehension. They hear yet grasp nothing in favour of their physical desires.”

Ukitake flinches, he’s beginning to look sick. “E-excuse me,” he swallows “care to elaborate?”

“I’m pretty sure I saw the fifth seat of squad seven relieve himself to my trashcan—”

Yama-ji’s knuckles whiten around the cup in his grasp and Kyoraku feels something cold wash over him at those words, because they could mean multiple things.

“—then Abarai knocked into me and threw me to the ground, yelling something about little Renji having learned a trick and Rukia needing to see it. I was unaware Abarai had a pet, and why would he name it after himself?” Toshiro tilts his head a little.

The side of Ukitake’s eye twitches and Kyoraku has to hide a snort as a cough best he can. For once he wishes he had Yama-ji’s beard to cover behind.

“Never mind that now, young one.” Yamamoto’s simple directness once again saves the day. “What happened after lieutenant Abarai knocked into you?”

Turning to face the Commander, Toshiro sets his teacup down and sits up properly. “I made the decision to retire for the evening. Washing up and getting changed in the seated officers bath due to convenience when…” that air of awkwardness overcomes him again. “when someone knocked on the door. I let them know that the bathroom was occupied but they insisted on being let in. I didn’t recognize the voice as belonging to any of my seated officers so I let the person know who I am and that he was at a private bathroom for squad ten’s seated officers. I then directed him to use the public ones… but he…” He looks down, pale fingers twisting into the fabric of his yukata, but keeps a great deal of his composure through sheer force of will.

“But he what?” Ukitake pries as gently as he can which leads to Toshiro retorting hotly “He picked the lock!”

There’s a beat of silence. Toshiro’s cheeks flush and his shoulders shudder from the strain of trying not to slump and he refuses to look at anyone.

“He picked the lock?” Kyoraku frowns, convinced that picking a bathroom lock on someone clearly crosses some sort of line. Even by his standards. “Did he force his way into the bathroom while you were in there?”

A nod.

“Did you freeze him?” Ukitake’s mouth forms a thin line and he once again gets that tasting something bitter expression.

A head shake. “He was clearly drunk. There’s no reasoning with people like that, so no point for me to even attempt. I left there to return to my room.”

“And when you arrived you found the three men naked inside.” Kyoraku finishes for him as they’ve arrived back to where the story started. “which is why you came here.”

“…hn.” Toshiro grunts and picks up his unfinished tea. “Perhaps I should return. They may have left—”

“Captain Hitsugaya,” Yamamoto clips curtly, stopping the boy short from getting up to leave. “I cannot allow you to do that.”

“huh?” Wide-eyed Toshiro blinks and his mouth opens a few times “but-”

“No. Do not even consider it. I will not allow you to return to your residence with three unidentified intruders of unknown purpose possibly still present.”

Toshiro’s eyes narrow and his cheeks puff up. “I’m sure their purpose was to sleep off the Sake.” He mopes sounding miffed.

Yawning Kyoraku scratches an itch in his side. “Doesn’t explain why they were naked.” Ukitake glares at him but the Commander ignores them both.

“This time, perhaps it is indeed nothing more than that. However, next time the purpose may be more nefarious.” He explains. “I shall send Squad Two to handle the matter and investigate any possible lapses in security. You will remain at squad Eight for the night. I’m sure Shuunsui will not mind lending you his guest room.”

Kyoraku tips his hat “Make yourself at home, Toshiro.”

“Let me help you set up.” Ukitake makes his move, standing up and motioning for Toshiro to follow him “I know where Shuunsui keeps the clean sheets.”

“Oi!” Kyoraku exclaims, mock affronted. “Don’t give the kid a weird image of me.”

Yamamoto calmly sips his Sake. “It’s likely far too late.”

“Yama-ji!” Kyoraku sobs. “Don’t listen to them, Toshiro!” He throws a dramatically over the top pleading look at Toshiro “My sheets are clean, I swear. Do you think my Nanao-chan would allow anything that might smear the reputation of the Eighth!?”

Toshiro blinks, taking a step closer to Ukitake “…Actually, Lieutenant Ise I trust.” He mumbles looking off to the side and Yamamoto snorts but hides it as clearing his throat rather well. “Wise choice, child. Now, off to bed with you and Good Night.”

Toshiro looks a little like he wants to contest that but wisely holds his tongue.

“Come on, Toshiro” Ukitake smiles as Kyoraku beings to lament in the background. “Let’s get the bed set up for you.”

After bidding good night they leave and Kyoraku pours Yamamoto another cup. “Thanks, Yama-ji.”

“Not the first kid I’ve had to deal with, just the easiest one. In terms of compliance.”

“He's compliant alright but he's quite difficult to deal with in other areas... Isn't that why you left Matsumoto in charge of his care, and Juu and myself responsible for rearing and keeping an eye on him... and come on, I wasn’t all that bad as a kid!”

“You, Shuunsui, were a constant inflamed and leaking puss filled abscess on my rump. Still is.” He leisurely takes a sip from the cup “Well, perhaps no longer leaking... seems being responsible for a child's well-being has done you some good.”

“Hey! I never whipped up blizzards and gigantic hailstorms when I threw tantrums!”

“No, indeed you did not.” He looks like he considers that a plus. “You were a very even tempered child actually. Unfortunately that temper was dilly-dallying and juvenal prurience.”

Puckering his lips in a dramatic pout Kyoraku mumbles “I was just curious.”

“Try nosy and insolent. You only ever applied yourself when sniffing out” Yamamoto lowers his voice to a whisper “pornography.”

Kyoraku chuckles, eyes glinting slyly. “And who did the material belong to?”

“Irrelevant.” Yamamoto grumbles with his cheeks slightly pink. “Toshiro is a good child. Polite, respectful, diligent. Perhaps too much so… I can tell it's just a front. He most certainly have it in him to stir up quite a lot of trouble.”

“Mmm” Kyoraku hums in agreement just as Ukitake returns with a big silly grin on his face and Kyoraku raises his cup in greeting. “How’s the kid?”

“Asleep. He went out like a light as soon as he laid down.” Ukitake’s grin becomes even more sparkling “Never seen anyone fall asleep that fast before. Adorable.”

“At least kids are cute when they sleep, can’t argue with that.” Kyoraku throws back a handful of nuts before offering the plate to Yamamoto. “Now what shall we do about this whole mess? You truly gonna let squad two handle it, Yama-ji?”

Humming, Yamamoto raps his fingers against the tabletop. “…I’ll give you both an hour to handle it anyway you see fit before I’m calling in Soifon. Use the time wisely.”

THE END (Gotta end this, need sleep... English is not my first language, but I'm not half bad, I'm pretty confident actually... I've seen people do worse...)

Chapter Text

“How drunk do you think they are?” Ukitake is damn near the point where he wants to poke the three snoring men in Toshiro’s bed with a pointy stick. Unfortunately he is currently minus such a stick. Should have picked one on up on the way here.

“At this point? They’ve probably slept most of it off but should still be somewhat tipsy.” Kyoraku moves around the three men like he’s assessing a battle strategy. Rubbing his chin in ponder.

“Any ideas?”

“Let’s start with this one” Kyoraku settles down cross-legged next to the bed and grabs the hand of the man closest. Ukitake frowns at this “Shuun, you shouldn’t touch hands you don’t know where they’ve been.”

“Don’t worry, I know where mine’s been.”

It takes three seconds before Ukitake shudders “I don’t wanna know.”

Except having multiple comebacks to that Kyoraku chooses not to answer. Instead he beings to gently run his thumb in soft circles across the hand in his. As soon as he notes the first initial minor twitching and a slight movement in the man’s eyelids he leans down. Moves his lips right next to the man’s ear and whispers in his most sensual baritone “Babe”

The man moans.

Ukitake’s flushed face falls and his eyes bulge. “Shuunsui.” He yells silently, speaking more with his eyebrows than his words. “You’re scandalous!”

Kyoraku leans even closer to the man “Babe, I’m cold.”

The man’s mouth moves, he licks, smacks his lips and stirs.

Ukitake gives his friend a look that screams ‘Shuunsui, No!’

He responds with a look of 'Shuunsui, Yes'.

“Babe, wake up.”

And the man does. Slowly and sluggishly be begins to blink bleary intoxicated sleep out his eyes “Uggh… wee am I?”

Kyoraku pulls back, leans down on his side and rest his head in the palm of his hand. “Yo!” he throws out there, voice casual but without any trace of the usual smile. “That your Zanpakuto and are you ready to play?”

The man blinks, utterly confused and still half asleep. “Cap-Captain Kyoraku?”

“If I were you I’d carefully consider my answer to that question.” Ukitake’s displeasure is palpable. Something toxic simmering dangerously in his voice.

“Captain Ukitake?” He’s more awake now but still blinks like he can’t comprehend what he’s seeing “What’s going on? Why are you in my room?”

Ukitake looks like the only reason he aint’s slapping someone silly is because his parents taught him better than that but he’s having an existential crisis about it right now. “What’s your name, rank and division?”

“Oshida Masaru. 10^th seat of the 12^th division.”

“You have a very nice room, Oshida” Kyoraku comments offhandedly “You like reading physics, history and complex kido books that require a minimum of lieutenant level spiritual power to perform? I’m impressed. And you’ve got some top clearance restricted books on your shelves too, you must be someone special to be allowed those.”

Oshida frowns, looking even more confused. “Uhhm…”

Ukitake smiles tightly at him “And I couldn’t help but admire your collection of spinning tops. They are lovely toys. Great for developing dexterity and calming the mind.”

“…Uhh, what?”

“You like children’s cartoons? That’s a bit odd for a grown man but I don’t judge, I’ve got some mysterious interests of my own.” Kyoraku shrugs nonchalantly and dangles a dvd between his thumb and forefinger. “’Beyblade?'” he reads the title out loud. “Looks to be about spinning tops.” He raises a brow “…you must really like spinning tops…”

“You also have a lovely artistic eye.” Ukitake smiles “How long have you been into ice sculpting?”

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Huh?” Kyoraku tips his hat then gives the man a pointed look “Perhaps this isn’t your room?”

Oshida’s perplexed response is an awkward nod. “Perhaps not.”

“Get out of here then.”

“Sure” He stumbles up on rounded feet as he stands and looks down at himself, frowning at the sight. “Where are my clothes? I’m nude. I need my clothes.”

Ukitake’s whole face glowers darkly. “I think it’s unlikely that you will find anything to fit you in A Child’s Bedroom.” He enunciates coldly.

Oshida pales considerably and his eyes grow wide “W-wait— What!? NO!? Hold on! It’s not like that— I’m not like that!” panic shines through his eyes and he starts waving his hands “I got drunk at some party and—and— I don’t really remember but I swear Captains, I’m not like that!”

Kyoraku gives him a rather derisive side-eye “Just get out of here.”

“Yes, Captain Kyoraku!”

“Give us the names and ranks of your two friends here before you leave.”

“Uhm? …Ashikaga and Hirata, both are from third.” He replies hastily, bowing deep before scurrying towards the door only to have Ukitake stop him. “Have a hard candy before you leave, it will do wonders for your breath.” The irrefusable smile would make Unohana proud. “I believe your night’s been hard enough. No need to wander around with booze breathe on top of it all. Actually, have two, or three, sugar is good for you. It’ll help sober you up. They’re pear flavoured.” He pushes the candies into Oishida’s hands before the terrified man stumbles through the door and out.

“One down. Two to go.” Kyoraku waves after him as Oshida can be heard running away down the halls “And Juu, are you serious? Giving him candy?”

Ukitake throws him an offended look “I have a reputation to uphold.” Sighing and shaking his head dejectedly he turns to the remaining two. “These two are from third, huh? So we need to talk to Kira later.” He frowns “Do you think he has enough authority to deal with this?”

“Perhaps not. But young Izuru has a great deal of a thing for a certain young lady who just happens to be Toshiro’s older sister.”  His eyes glint slyly “As such he’s unlikely to do anything that might earn dear Hinamori’s disapproval. Trust me, he’ll do what’s necessary.”

One of Ukitake’s brows goes up and the side of his lip twitches “That… sounds rather unprofessional.”

Kyoraku shrugs “Don’t come between a man and the sweetheart who paints his dreams in bright colours.”

“…And you call the Commander an old man…”

“Oi!”

“Let’s just get this over with. We’ve wasted 45 minutes. Soifon gonna be here unless we get a move on.”

“They’re all yours, I dealt with the other one.”

With that Ukitake settles down on the floor at the foot of the bed. He takes a deep breath and—

The air thickens and oscillates. Weight like the full force of gravity slams down. Very nearly throwing Kyoraku to the ground. He staggers backwards catching himself on Toshiro’s bookshelf. “Hey, hey, Juu-chan. You trying to flatten them?”  

The two men, Hirata and Ashikaga are both doing rather striking impressions of fish out of water. Bucking, slapping, twisting, grinding as the spiritual pressure attempts to squash them like flies. (If you subject flies to prolonged torture before squashing them. Taunting and tormenting them, giving them a taste of their inevitable demise before actually ending it.)

For lack of anything better to do Kyoraku laughs hoarsely as he tries to pretend the shelf isn’t the only thing holding him upright right now. Ukitake’s face smoulders behind a shadow of darkness. Not a single trace of his commonly so friendly expressions remain.

“Juu-chan, I know Yama-ji said “Anyway you see fit” but—”

“But, what, Shuun?” That clipped voice is a level of foreboding even Unohana would give a 10 out of 10.

“He didn’t actually give us permission to kill.” The air feels like rubber in his lungs. Hirata and Ashikaga are chipping for it, clutching and clawing at their throats as they being to seize, eyes rolling back.

“I’m not going to kill them.”

“Juushiro” If the strain on his lungs is beginning to become painful for him, Kyoraku can only imagine what the two Shinigami from third are going through.

As soon as one of them beings to foam at the mouth Kyoraku has seen enough. He pushes off the shelf and crosses the room, clasping a hand down on Ukitake’s shoulder. “That’s enough, Juushiro. Let them go. I’m sure the kid wouldn’t want this.”

Ukitake huffs but complies with the request. Letting up on his spiritual pressure and allowing Ashikaga and Hirata to breathe properly. Kyoraku moves closer them, they’re both near unconscious but slowly regaining awareness.

One of them turns to face him. His face blotched red, tears and snot smeared all over him. The other remains semi-conscious and face down in a puddle of— unspeakable….

Kyoraku smiles, wide, bright and utterly fake. “Hello there. Sorry about that. I wanted to play a prank on a fellow Captain and you got caught in the crossfire. Say,” he leans further down “What’s your name?”

“Ashikaga Keito, squad three, Captain Kyoraku.” He wipes sweat off his forehead.  

“Do you know where you are?”

“Hirata heard something from lieutenant Kira about a party and we decided to go. It was awesome. A hot babe with killer legs poured Sake down my throat and then she said something about wanting to take a look downstairs. Can’t really remember the details but she sort of had us go find somewhere private to—” he blushes “you know, Captain Kyoraku.”

“get frisky” Kyoraku grins stupidly. “What did she look like? Did she have huge—"

“Shuunsui!”

WHACK!

A thick book strikes him in the back of the head. Knocking off his hat which Ashikaga manages to awkwardly catch as the book bounces and smacks Hirata in the face, knocking him out before he had a fair chance to fully regain consciousness.

Soifon looks pissed. And not her normal ‘someone did something stupid and I’m the damn cleaning lady again’ pissed either. No. This is her ‘Someone’s gotta be fucking with me’ pissed. “I was told there would be three men at Captain Hitsugaya’s residence for me to take into custody. So which one of you is it?”

Kyoraku tilts his head and smiles through his fidgeting nerves “I’m not quite sure I understand—”

“Save it!” Soifon barks. She points at Hirata “One,” points at Ashikaga “two,” points at Ukitake “three,” points at Kyoraku “four. Which one of you two Captains am I supposed to arrest? And which one is free to go?” Rage and sarcasm fits her greatly.

“Did you ever consider that Yama-ji is just occasionally selectively senile and can’t count to two?”

“Without passing three?” Okay now Soifon is just playing with them. “If he’s so senile he can count to three but not two then— Well, that’s impressive and I would expect nothing less of our great Commander.”

“Please, can we agree this conversation never leaves this room.” Ukitake sweatdrops, his face twisting into a half pained half pleading grimace.

The twitch in Soifon’s brow pulsates “Even if the intel was wrong, how am I supposed to know which two men I’m to arrest?”

“Soifon dear,” Kyoraku tries to placate her “your choice is between two fellow Captains or two adults in a state of undress in a child’s bedroom. It’s a given.”

“Or” Soifon cuts him off “Maybe the intel supposed to say four not three…”

Kyoraku pales “Now, wait here, just a sec”

“Shut it! Where’s the third guy?”

“Probably halfway through the eleventh by now.” Ukitake mumbles quietly under his breath. All implications left unsaid. Soifon turns to him “With all due respect Captain Ukitake, you let him go?”

“Don’t worry, he didn’t get away.” Ukitake gives her that trademarked Unohana smile and Soifon does the only correct thing. She lets it go. “What about the remaining two, what happened to them?”

“My bad,” with a silly grin Kyoraku rubs the back of his neck “I played a bit rough with them.”

“Really?” Soifon levels him with a who-do-you-think-I-am look “I know your games can get rough Captain Kyoraku but you’re telling me you played so hard with them the air was forcefully ripped from their lungs?”

“…Uuuhm.”

“Whatever!” She flicks her hand and several ninja clad men appear in the room. “Get them up. Cuff them and have them placed in the cells. I deal with them in the morning.” She orders flippantly, turning her back with a slight blush as the very much naked Hirata and Ashikaga are pulled to their feet and handcuffed. “And find something to cover them with.”

Their cover literally ends up being parts of Hitsugaya’s bed.

As they’re finally lead away Ukitake scrambles up “Wait!” he rushes to the two men and pushes four small hard candies into their tied up hands “Here, have some pear drops.”

“You’re giving them candy!?” Soifon’s face twitches and she trembles with indignation.

Ukitake rubs the back of his head “…they’ve been through a lot.”

Kyoraku snickers into his hand as Soifon simmers.

“So” Kyoraku drawls as they’re making their way back to 8^th “can I have one of those pear drops? I like pears.”

“Nope.” Ukitake plops the p.

“What? What about that reputation?”

Ukitake’s smile doesn’t falter. If anything it takes on an evil glint.

With his stomach dropping Kyoraku stops dead, reaching out to catch his friend by the shoulder “What was in those pear drops?”

The evil glint sparkles “Guess?”

“…” Kyoraku groans then chuckles. “…Laxatives.” It’s not even a question at this point. He knows. “How cliché”

Ukitake raises his eyes to the sky in mock contemplation “…uhm. Things don’t become cliché for nothing. Cliché is a badge of honour.”

It’s well into the next day when Soifon finds them loitering in the hallway outside Commander Yamamoto’s office and corners them, cutting off any and all escape routes. Glaring venom she taps her foot, nose curling up in disdain “Someone’s gonna have to clean that up.”

“Not it!” Kyoraku calls, catching Ukitake who stumbles as he succumbs to a rather aggressive coughing fit.

Soifon rolls her eyes and looks about ready to gut-kick them both when Hitsugaya comes around the corner immediately curing Ukitake. “Captain Hitsugaya,” he smiles sunshine and rainbows at the boy “What brings you here?”

Toshiro nods his head, greeting the three other Captains. “I came by to make an official request of the Commander.”

Three pairs of eyes blink curiously.

“If he might use Ryujin Jakka to burn my bed.”

“…”

Pursing his lips Kyoraku leans over whispering in Ukitake’s ear “That’s gonna make old man Yama’s day.”

Ukitake pushes him away and tilts his chin down to be at better level with Toshiro “Do you need any help getting a new one?”

Toshiro shakes his head “I appreciate the offer Captain Ukitake but the issue has already been resolved. A completely new bed arrived earlier.”

Soifon’s brows goes up and Kyoraku lets out an impressed whistle “You’ve already ordered a new one and had it delivered? That was quick.”   

Hitsugaya frowns “No, I didn’t place the order. I thought one of you did. It is a really nice bed. Much better quality than my ruined one.”

Rubbing his chin Kyoraku leans against the wall “Was there a note or anything to indicate who ordered it?”

Hitsugaya shakes his head “There was a note but it didn’t say anything, just a drawn cartoon rendition of an oddly broccoli shaped seaweed. I thought maybe that was the brand…?”

Kyoraku and Ukitake both share a look and silently agree not to say anything. Word about last nights events at the tenth has gotten around. Most of the Captains and lieutenants know, and agrees to stay silent in front of Hitsugaya. The Captains had needed to be told but the lieutenants didn’t need to be informed. However, all it takes is one loose-lipped member of squad two for word to spread.

And Kira. Who told Hinamori. Who told Hisagi. Who told Matsumoto. Who told Renji. Who told Rukia. Who may very well be on her way to tell Ichigo.

Hands up for the good old game of telephone…

Perhaps it’s for the better to let Hitsugaya figure out who bought him a new bed on his own.

“I wonder.” Kyoraku starts. “To be honest I don’t know much about this stuff. Whenever I need new furniture it just appears. Perhaps my Nanao-chan has some idea, I can ask her.”

He gets discreetly elbowed from both sides.

“Captain Hitsugaya” Soifon speaks “I would like to ask you a couple of questions later, concerning the man who broke into the bathroom while you were in there. We are still searching for him”

Hitsugaya nods “Of course. I can’t tell you much, he was just some random drunk and I left as soon as he got in. I’m not sure I can describe him.”

“Anything you can give us.”

“What about the third man from Captain Hitsugaya’s residence? Has he been found?” Ukitake asks.

“Oshida Masaru” Soifon nods, scowling. “He was handed over to my division this morning by Captain Zaraki. Heavily bruised but surprisingly in one piece. Apparently he’d been found in the 11^ths garden spraying Yumichika Ayasegawa’s roses with…” she trails off looking for the right word “…manure.”

Ukitake has the decency to look a little tight lipped. Kyoraku snickers and Toshiro flicks his large eyes between the three adults. “Manure?” his brows knit in confusion “So he went from sleeping off the booze in my bedroom to taking up botany? Spraying fertilizer on the 11^ths flowers? In the middle of the night? Still naked? ...Odd fella.”

Remembering that Hitsugaya does not know what they did last night, nor does he know about the pear drops, Kyoraku does what he does best and lowers his hat, hiding his face. Kid can be naïve at times and better let him be. The little childlike innocence and wonder he has left he should be allowed to keep as long as possible. As adults and fellow Captains they need to protect it. As the elder Captains (Unohana, Yamamoto, Kyoraku, Ukitake) it’s their responsibility (and liberty) to watch out for their youngest, even if that sometimes mean they have to act as very covert and stealthy baby-sitters.

Ukitake laughs tightly and grabs Toshiro’s shoulders, gently pushing him towards the Commander’s office “Never mind that. Go ask Genryusai-sama about burning your bed.”

“He’s gonna do it.” Kyoraku encourages giving Toshiro a thumbs up. “Yama-ji loves bonfires. They bring out his inner gremlin.”

THE END

A/N: Hitsugaya likes anime/cartoons (ep 125 is clear evidence of this and you cannot convince me otherwise) and I’m sure he would love Beyblade (It's basically spinning tops with zanpakuto spirits).
Now who do you think got Hitsugaya a new bed...?  ;)

Incorrect bleach quotes
[Yuzu, Karin, Toshiro, Jinta and Ururu playing spin the bottle]
Yuzu: Toshiro, truth or dare?
Toshiro: Truth.
Yuzu: What’s something really childish you’ve always wanted to do but is never going to do?
Toshiro: ... What I'm about to say does not leave this room.
Everyone: Swear!
Toshiro: You know the Captain Commander?
Karin: The old dude I mistook for your grandfather?
Toshiro: Yes. And he has a really long beard, remember?
Jinta: Yeah… with a girly ribbon in it.
Karin: Shut up Jinta.
Toshiro: Anyway, sometimes it sways, and it move when he talks, and when it does I get this sudden great urge to… yank it.
Everyone: …
Jinta: Do it! I dare you!