Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kevin felt like his mind was in a fog; everything and nothing was happening at the same time. Out on the street, he saw mothers, fathers, and couples alike with little ones, and it made him think about those two kids. When he first met them, they were so little, and now, well, they're still little, but it was only a matter of time before they weren't.

Before they weren't sweet and innocent anymore.

Wow, he really did think that.

Then, he started to hum.

"Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

Just stay this little

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up

It could stay this simple"

As he walked his index and middle fingers across the counter and bounced them up and down, he thought about how he wanted even just a sliver of that innocence of his own.

He wanted a child.

When he was off, he texted Radford, his childhood friend turned lover.

Kevin

Rad im so hornyyyyy 😫

I want a bby so bad 🥺

Radford

What about your HRT?

Fuck.

His hormonal replacement therapy.

He wanted a baby and he wanted one now.

It would be God knows how long before he got his period again.

Radford

Also, you don't text like that lol.

Kevin

I'll just stop taking it

Radford

Okay, have fun with the dysphoria lol.

Kevin

No

Radford

You don't get it

I want this baby bad

Idk when I'll get my period next

Radford

Okay!

Just calm down. 😳

And wait till your period gets here.

Okay?

Kevin

Okkkk

I’m just desperate 🥺

Radford

You just have to wait. 🙂🫶🫂

That night, Kevin lay in bed, unsure about his future, but then smirked, knowing that he'd have it all in order soon.

Chapter Text

The next day, he woke up to some pain in his lower abdomen.

Is it happening? He rushed to his bathroom to find out.

Sure enough, there was a bit of brown in his underwear.

"YES! YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!" he yelled, pumping his fists in the air. He had never felt so happy putting toilet paper in his underwear and taking Advil.

But even after two weeks, the bleeding wouldn't stop.

He wanted to conceive after he was having a regular menstrual cycle: red blood that, over the course of a few days, slowly turned brown before he stopped bleeding altogether.

By the next cycle, however, that's what he got.

As if on cue, Radford texted him.

Radford

👶🌃?

Kevin

My ovulation date is on the 16th

When that day came, they both sat on Kevin’s couch awkwardly before he broke the ice, saying "So how are we gonna make this thing?"

"We could roleplay," Radford suggested. "That's what we do the best. We could act like we're meeting each other for the first time."

And so, the two veteran theatre kids separated so that they could get emotionally full.

Then, Radford walked past Kevin's room before backing up, awestruck. Kevin was awestruck as well, so much so that he lunged at him to give him a kiss, writing his name with his tongue. Radford abided by his choice and did the same, getting pinned to the wall by his lover. Eventually, they took off each other's clothes and crashed onto Kevin's bed, knocking over the bottle of prenatal vitamins on Kevin's nightstand. Kevin lay on the pillow, while Radford held his waist down, his hands just below Kevin's top surgery scars to keep himself upright as he went inside him. Then, by Kevin's request, he went faster and faster until he came in him. Plenty of orgasms followed.

After they cleaned everything up, they lay in his bed, facing each other, their hands interlaced with each other.

"I never knew scrawny fucks like you knew how to do that," Kevin said.

"I mean, I've masturbated to fictional women before—"

"Please don't let our child know that."

Chapter Text

On the day his period was supposed to come, it didn't.

It wasn't there the next day either, so he got a pregnancy test from the store. It felt like the world had its eyes on him as he was in the women's health aisle and checkout lane. But no one was looking at him. He was just paranoid.

When he got home, he opened the box and read the instructions: he had to pee in a container, collect a sample of said urine using the dropper that was included with the test, drop some of the urine in the sample well, and wait five minutes. In that time, he paced, picked at his nails, one by one, and even started crying.

When the time was up, he got up, eyes squeezed shut before he slowly opened one, and when he saw the result, he opened the other, dumbfounded.

He was surrounded by pink all day, but not even the bright pastels of the candy store could scream out more than the two pink lines Kevin was seeing.

He took a picture of the test, then one of him crying and sent them both to Radford.

Kevin

2 attached images

Radford

1 attached image

Kevin

THATS YOUR REACTION

IM PREGNANT, OUR NEAR FUTURE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE AND YOUR REACTION IS THAT STUPID FKN MIND-BLOWN BOAR MEME

Radford

Yes.

Kevin

Why

Radford

Because yes.

Kevin

Buddy 💀

I can't believe you 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️ /silly

Radford

Also, 9 months is long.

It's not near.

Kevin

That's the length of a school year

It goes by rlly fast

Radford

But also really slow.

Kevin

No you're right, my bad 💀

But wait

Don't I have to start seeing a doctor for this stuff

Radford

Yeah, that's how it went for both Rob and Maggie.

As soon as my mom found out, she went to an OB/GYN right away.

And so, Kevin called an office nearby to make an appointment.

Chapter Text

Kevin was in the bathroom. He had been going to the bathroom every hour, it seemed like. Suddenly, as soon as he pulled up his pants, he sharply turned around to throw up in the still unflushed toilet.

He got his phone from another room to frantically text Radford in the nick of time before throwing up again.

Kevin

Come over

Please

The smell of urine and vomit mixed together was too much for his nose and after he flushed the toilet and closed the seat, the smell still seemed to linger and he passed out.

~

Kevin's eyelids fluttered open before he quickly squeezed them shut again from the bathroom lights.

"Hey, sleepyhead!"

He was disoriented. What detached voice was calling him a "sleepyhead?"

He sat up, still getting adjusted to the lights, and saw Radford sitting on the bathroom floor in a more relaxed position than Kevin was in.

"How ya doin'?"

Kevin blinked. "I pass out on the floor, and you ask me how I'm doing?" Suddenly, he threw up again.

"It hurts," he said, grabbing his throat, his voice ragged from acid. "That's my answer."

He lay back down on the bathroom floor. "Have I started showing yet?"

"I don't know, stand up."

"I'm not standing up. I'm not even gonna sit up. I'm gonna throw up again."

"That sounded similar to the insult from Stand by Me. You know, 'I don't shut up, I grow up—‘"

"’And when I look at you—‘"

"’I throw up!’" they said in unison. Then, they made a gagging noise and laughed.

"’And then your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up,’" Radford quoted before both went "’Ooooh!’" and started laughing. Radford then gasped and put both of his hands over his mouth. "Oh my God, I hope that wasn't offensive!"

"No, not offensive at all," Kevin reassured him. "Plus, I probably know the cause of my nausea." As he talked, he pointed at his stomach.

"Oh yeah, you wanted me to check."

First, Radford checked by tilting his head to the side before returning rightside up.

"No, and if you are, I can't see it. I'm not Dr. Jewell." That was the doctor they would see.

Radford got up, arms akimbo, and said "Well, you can't lay on your bathroom floor forever."

Kevin sighed and said "I suppose. Halloween's in a few days and the store's gonna be so busy—" As he spoke, he slowly got up, but then got interrupted by Radford.

"N-n-no!" Radford said hastily, hands out. "Stay there!"

"But you just said—"

"I am at your beck and call now. I guess babysitting my younger siblings really paid off."

Kevin blankly stared at him before saying "Thank you," suddenly feeling sleepy. "That means a lot."

Radford carried him bridal style to his room, his partner's hands wrapped around his neck. He put a trash can next to Kevin's bed, but he didn't hear the rustling of the plastic bag in the trash can because he was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

That night was more of the same: Radford stayed at Kevin's place and woke up to the sound of him vomiting.

He looked on, brooding. If only he could take away the pain…

Chapter Text

Halloween wasn't too nice to Kevin either. He wasn't throwing up, but he still felt nauseous. And fatigued.

Still, he tried to continue with his job.

However, the sleepiness eventually caught up to him and he went to sleep. A sleep so deep that only two specific kids could wake him up.

"HI, KEVIN!"

"AH!" Kevin yelped, jumping. He peeked over the counter and saw who else but the skeleton and the pumpkin.

Kevin, seething, grabbed at his shirt and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Hi, kids!"

"Two candy cans, please!"

After they both got their treat, Skid looked at Kevin closely. He looked and acted... different.

"Kevin, are you okay?" Skid asked. "You seem tired."

"And pale," Pump added, his mouth full of candy.

Kevin stopped in his tracks. How do you explain to two second-graders that, as a man, you're pregnant?

"I'm just tired, y'know? It's been busy, what with it being Halloween and all."

The kids just looked at each other, then back at Kevin.

"Well, that'll be all!" Skid said.

"Bye, Kevin!" the two kids said in unison.

He watched them as they walked out, wringing his hands and pursing his lips.

Chapter Text

In his OB/GYN's waiting room, Kevin and his partner were two complete opposites: Radford was casually waiting, his left leg acting as a table for his right, while Kevin, clutching a notebook filled with questions to his chest, was terrified. Not even the extravagant fake flower display outside the waiting room could steady his nerves. His fingers drummed against the back of the notebook as one of his knees bounced uncontrollably.

Radford noticed his anxious partner.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay—" he started to say, trying to calm him down, but when Radford reached out for him, Kevin suddenly stopped him, grabbing his partner's arms.

I'm so fucking nervous. I mean, what if she doesn't accept me for who I am—"

Just then, the door opened. A woman with olive skin wearing maroon scrubs, her black hair tied into a ponytail, came out. "Kevin?"

He slowly stood up and took a deep breath. One of his hands slinked down to Radford's and he gladly held his in solidarity with him.

"Kevin, you're cutting off my circulation."

Or rather, in excruciating pain.

"Sorry," he mumbled and loosened his grasp.

He had to get weighed and give a urine and blood sample. Then, the nurse asked about both of their family's medical history.

The nurse then left and they had to wait for a few minutes.

Then, the door opened. It was his OB/GYN.

"Hi, Kevin!" she said as she walked through the door, clipboard in hand. She turned around and saw Radford. "Oh! And you are?"

"Radford," he answered, raising his hand. "I'm the boyfriend."

"Well, it's nice to meet you," she said with a smile and shook his hand. She had blonde hair, glasses, and was wearing black ballet flats and a white lab coat with her name stitched on it.

Bonnie Jewell, MD.

So," she started to say, looking down at her clipboard, "according to the urine and blood " samples, you are pregnant." She took a glance at his notebook. "And I see you have some questions."

"Yeah…" he said, feeling his cheeks get hot.

"Oh no, don't be ashamed! That was smart of you to do! Just ask whenever you're ready." Kevin looked at the page full of questions, thinking about which one to ask first.

"I guess I'll start with the most important one: when should I tell my family?"

"Around the end of the first trimester or the beginning of the second trimester," she replied.

"That's when your chances of miscarriage are slim to none."

"I could tell them during Thanksgiving…" Kevin thought to himself.

"Sure, if you're willing to take that risk," she said, laughing.

"But I also want to know what's making me throw up."

"Ah, that," she said slowly, pointing at him. "So your body is actually producing a hormone called hCG. It helps the baby grow, but in return, it makes the mo— parent feel horrible."

After he asked the rest of his questions, it was time for his first ultrasound. He had to lay on his back on a bed with his shirt hiked up. A TV was next to the bed.

Dr. Jewell applied cool gel onto Kevin's stomach, which made him hiss in surprise.

"Sorry," she said, smiling sheepishly.

As she ran a device that looked like a scanner called a doppler up and down his stomach, spreading the gel like butter, the TV showed nothing for a few moments before a spotlight appeared, shining on a figure that looked like an 8.

This was Kevin's baby and he fell in love with it instantly.

"So ya got one in there," she revealed. "That's the head, and that's the body." As she explained,

she pointed to the respective parts.

"How far along am I?" he asked, still in awe.

"I'd say ten weeks," she answered. "The fetus is also about an inch long… Or the size of a strawberry!"

At this appointment, he was also told that the baby's due date would be June 9th.

Radford stifled a laugh and Kevin gave him an unappreciative glance.

"Hey, I think that's a beautiful date," Kevin said sternly. "Flowers are in full blossom, the sun's out, and it's right before the temperatures become unbearable."

"The due date is simply when Kevin is 40 weeks pregnant," Dr. Jewell explained. "Not many babies are born exactly on their due dates and it will most likely be born a couple days before or after that date."

After the ultrasound, Dr. Jewell wrapped up the appointment.

"Alright," she said, "I'd like to meet again in a month. Oh, and Kevin?"

He looked back at her.

"That first trimester, you're in survival mode; you're surviving the hormones and you're also surviving outside influences. Just remember the stuff I told you and you'll survive. Just survive."

"I really liked her!" Radford said on the drive back to Kevin's place. "She wasn't completely

serious nor did she act like a goofball; she was a mix of both!"

Kevin said nothing.

"Kevin?"

He still didn't say anything. He agreed with him, as she was non-judgemental over him being transgender and pregnant, but he was still reeling over that black and white screen. Ten weeks ago, he—they—had created life.

And so, for the next fortnight, whenever he was sick, fatigued, going to the bathroom for what seemed like the hundredth time, or crying over a movie he never cried over before, he just kept saying that to himself.

Just survive.

Just survive.

Just survive.

Chapter Text

Kevin went to another family member's house for Thanksgiving. Aunts, uncles, and cousins, first and second alike, crowded the place, with some of the children even running around. Soon after he arrived, he was fixing his hair in a mirror—it was a windy day—before he noticed two of his cousins fighting and quickly got out of the way.

Had I not noticed them inching closer, would that harm the baby? he thought.

One of his relatives wore strong perfume and he smelled it almost instantly when she arrived a few minutes after him. She always wore the same designer perfume, and when it came to perfumes like those, Kevin could only smell the alcohol.

Usually.

Here, he could smell so much more, so he asked her if she was using another perfume.

"Nope! Same as always," she revealed.

His face fell. He had to smell that for the entire night. Even passing out on the bathroom floor felt like a walk in the park compared to that.

Speaking of the bathroom, he started to feel nauseous again and started looking for one.

The sound of retching and coughing filled one of the many bathrooms the house had. Whenever he threw up, he silently begged that it would be the last time he would do so, but it always came back.

A few minutes later, he heard knocking on the door.

"Kevin?" someone asked. "Are you okay?"

He flinched at the familiar voice.

It was his mother.

"…yeah, I'm fine!" he lied.

"Well, I just came to let you know that the food is ready."

Great. Just great.

His fate was just around the corner and there was nothing he could do about it. He wanted this child, after all.

He cautiously went down the stairs, as even the delicious appearance and smell of the food on the table gave him a sense of impending doom.

Then, as he sat himself at the table, Dr. Jewell's words came whispering back to him.

You'll survive.

"I have something to announce," he said a few minutes later after mustering up courage for what seemed like a lifetime. "This has been an exciting time for my boyfriend and I, and so, I just want you to know that I'm pregnant."

Silverware clattered on plates and soon, the environment went silent. Everyone looked at his mother.

"Well, this is certainly a surprise," she started, "but I hope you know that I'm happy for you."

"Thank you," Kevin said, smiling.

"How far along are you?" one of his relatives asked.

"Umm, about twelve weeks, give or take."

Another relative butted in. "When I was pregnant, this thing happened to me—"

"No, 'cause let me tell him about MINE…"

And that's when all hell broke loose. Kevin's eyes darted from one relative to the next, trying to listen to everyone.

"When you're pregnant, you should…"

"No, he should…"

"Don't…"

"When I was pregnant…"

"Uncle Kevin, how do guys get pregnant?"

It was dizzying and annoying at the same time, dizzying because of how much advice he was getting and annoying because his family kept cutting him off. He thought that this would be a good time to start eating and drown everyone out as the table descended into madness.

"Oh, so that's why it smelled like shit in the bathroom!"

"Jaime!"

Kevin put his head in his hands, getting more annoyed. He had told them already. It was a done deal.

Then he realized something.

Maybe he didn't have to hear this for the entire night.

He could leave.

And even better, he could do it unannounced.

So that's exactly what he did.

Once he finished his plate, he tried leaving without saying goodbye, but his relatives caught him in the act of doing so and said goodbye, both to him and his unborn baby.

When he was going home, he found himself drowning in his thoughts.

Maybe I'll forget telling them. Turkey DOES have tryptophan, after all. And this baby's making me sleepy, too.

Usually, when someone announces that they're pregnant, their family and friends act like it's the happiest thing in the world. Did they act that way because I'm a man, because I'm trans? At this point, I'm too afraid, annoyed, and exhausted to ask.

When he got to his apartment, he went to the bathroom before he delicately threw himself across the couch and rubbed his eyes. He stayed like that for a few minutes, and soon, it felt like he wasn't lying on a comfortable couch anymore, but rather swimming in a sea of static.

He got out of his little fantasyland when he got an idea. It was the stupidest thing ever and it made him laugh, but maybe he was able to find some humor in this situation.

When Radford got home, he got spooked when he saw him just… sitting on the couch like a pin-up girl on a nude calendar.

"Ah! Jesus!"

Kevin just blinked. "So," he started, "how was your Thanksgiving?"

"Low-key," Radford answered, taking his coat off.

"Did you tell them that I was…?"

"Pregnant?" Radford said, cutting him off. "Yeah."

"I mean," he said, shrugging in a playful and sarcastic manner, "what did you tell them that I was? Critically injured in a car accident?"

"Come on, I really don't want to worry about that right now."

"Sorry. Um, how did they react?"

"Excited, obviously. How did yours?"

If he were drinking something, he would've spit it out. He started laughing loudly and hysterically. This happened for a long time, but Radford let him do his thing. He was the one carrying, after all.

"Ohoho, you just dug your own grave with that one!" he finally said before giving a final sharp laugh.

He got up from the couch. "So a few minutes after I arrive, one of my relatives arrive, smelling like perfume. Now, she's always smelt like perfume, but this time the smell seemed stronger, and so, naturally, I ask her if it's a new perfume, but it wasn't."

He went silent for a few seconds before he started again. "She was wearing the same perfume that she always wears, Coco Mademoiselle, but it just smelled stronger.

"The smell probably made me nauseous, too, 'cause next thing I know I'm throwing up in the bathroom. So… new symptom! Yay!" Here, he put his hands up so that they were level with his head.

"Anyway, my mom asks if I'm okay and tells me that the food's ready, so I head down and after a few minutes, I tell my family. My mom's obviously happy for me. Then, the rest of my family starts giving me advice that I didn't need. Some of it was advice that Dr. Jewell already told us, while some of it sounded like complete garbage. And then I hear one of my cousins shout, at the top of his lungs, 'Oh, so that's why it smelled like shit in the bathroom!'"

He put his hands on his head as he started to snicker. "Oh God…"

Then, his grin quickly faded as he realized something.

"Oh God, what if that's what our child is like? Swearing at, what, seven years old, give or take?

Ugh, they better not."

He went silent again. "And yeah, that's how I kinda-sorta-maybe might've torn my family apart! Yay!" he said, sarcastically making jazz hands as he finally flopped onto the couch next to Radford.

As for Radford, he stayed silent for a few seconds, almost as surprised as his partner. He was going to say "Wow," but decided that it wasn't the best choice and instead said "I think they're just tryna scare ya." as Kevin snuggled up next to him. "About the advice."

"Mmm…"

Radford was going to ask him something else, but he looked over at him and found that he was sleeping.

Aw, they really did tucker him out, he thought.

And so, he carried him to his bed.

Kevin stirred. His hair felt damp. Was he plagued by yet another vivid dream? He couldn't remember having any.

His eyes fluttered open and he saw a ridiculous amount of saliva covering his side of the bed.

There was also some on his arm, carefully crossing it like a bridge.

"What the hell?" he asked as he got up, confused and disgusted at the same time. Radford passed his room. "Oh yeah, I carried you to your bed."

"No, not that! There's drool all over the bed! I never drool!"

Then, he started laughing uncontrollably again. "I never drool!" he repeated.

A few hours later, when his emotions were more in check, he got a call from his mother.

"Hello?" he hesitantly answered.

"Hi, sweetie," she started. "I just want to apologize for what happened last night. The reason why everyone acted like that last night is because they just want what's best for you."

"So their way of showing their love for me and my unborn child is by arguing over it?"

"Exactly, it's just their way of showing their love," she confirmed. "Trust me, when I announced that I was pregnant with you, they did the same thing."

Some way, he thought.

"But you are happy for me, right?"

"Oh my gosh, of course! What mother would I be if I wasn't excited? When's it due?"

"June 9th. I was going to make you do the math, but decided that you were too antsy to."

"Oh, you and Radford are going to be such amazing parents!"

"Okay, but you wouldn't believe what's going on with me: I'm sick, constantly laughing and crying, and sleeping all the time."

"You said you were near the end of the first trimester, right? You'll feel better in a couple of weeks."

"Wow, thanks for all the reassurance, Mom," he said sarcastically.

"It's the least I can do."

Chapter Text

At his next prenatal appointment, Dr. Jewell asked him "Umm… how was the whole 'telling your family at Thanksgiving' thing?"

"Oh, how did it NOT go?! Most of the stuff they were saying sounded like nonsense. I even heard a piece of advice someone found on Facebook."

"Oh God…"

"It was something regarding the baby's gender and eating something, but I really don't care about the gender.

"The next day, my mom called me and gave me some reassurance. She said that that's how my family shows their love and that I'll feel better in a few weeks."

"Yeah, it's usually like that. The second trimester's even sometimes called 'the golden trimester."

And he did feel better. The second trimester made him less tired, his morning sickness seemingly vanished, and even though Christmas was still about a fortnight away, he was getting gifts of his own.

"What are you looking at?"

"Oh, nothing, it's just that I'm startin' to see a little pouch for your joey."

Radford's reference went over his head before it hit him like a thousand bricks a few seconds later.

"Am I showing already?" he asked, eyes wide, and Radford nodded, smiling.

He immediately went to the bathroom to check and sure enough, a tiny bump had formed around his abdomen.

He came out of the bathroom with a smile big enough to light up a room before sighing in a dreamy but shaky way. "Hoh my gosh. So this is, like, real now."

"I thought you knew when you took that test."

"No, of course I did! When I first found out, it was like having a little secret that no one knows about, but now,"—he put his hands on the sides of his bump—"that secret's out!"

"Wow," Radford said, still gazing at his beaming boyfriend. "Soon, your bike-riding days are gonna be over."

"And it's only gonna get bigger. I mean, I could always just grab a bigger uniform. Ugh, that's another thing: are you able to take me to and from work?"

"Oh my gosh, of course!"

As Radford wrapped Christmas presents, he felt a set of eyes watching him, so he looked behind him and found Kevin curled up on the couch, looking unsatisfied.

"How long have you been there?"

He sighed. "I don't know, but I'm just, like, really craving cheese and crackers, for some reason. I'm sure the grocery store's still open."

"You want them now?"

"I mean, yeah, if the grocery store's still open," he said, then added "Specifically the Ritz ones!"

When Radford got back, Kevin tore a pack of cheese and crackers open and ate one. The salt tickled on his tongue before a feeling of pure bliss followed.

However, he didn't like eating them whole, as he thought that it took too much time; If there was cheese that stuck out like a muffin top, he would lick that first. Then, he'd twist the cracker apart, lick the cheese off, and then eat the crackers with the salt facing up.

Kevin, who had yet another vivid dream, was writing about it in his dream journal. He was about to put the cap on his pen when he realized that he couldn't find it.

"What the…" he said to himself as he got out of his chair and started looking for it. This went on for a couple of minutes before he found that it was under his arm.

On a particularly slow day at CandyClub, Kevin was waiting at the counter, waiting for someone to come in when he felt something, a fluttery feeling that could only be described as butterflies in his stomach, as if he were anticipating something.

It was almost comical. What was he nervous for? Oh no, were they coming again? Did his body somehow develop some sort of defense mechanism that made him know when they were coming? What otherworldly horror would they bring with them this time? He certainly couldn't deal with that, given his condition.

Then, he put both hands on his bump when he remembered something Dr. Jewell had said:

"Now, quickening could feel like a few different things, like light tapping, bubbles popping, or as if butterflies are in your stomach."

The last description was similar to what he felt. Was that his baby?

He felt another flutter, almost like a sign of confirmation.

A warm, fuzzy feeling filled him knowing that the little life growing inside him was moving.

Wow… there's a baby in here, Kevin thought to himself. My baby.

His mind was all over the place, but one thing was for certain: it would definitely get less lonely around here.

When Radford picked Kevin up, he was smiling, which was atypical of him.

"What's up? Something's definitely up, why are you smiling like that?" Radford asked, teasing him playfully.

"Haha, stop!" he replied, laughing. "Well… it kicked for the first time today~"

"It did?!"

"Mhm."

"What did it feel like? Like, out of all the things Dr. Jewell said."

"Like butterflies in my stomach."

"Are you able to see it, like, move around from within? Or feel it under your hands?"

"I've only just noticed today, baby."

"Sorry, but I bet it's just so riveting. If you feel them again, let me know, okay?" he asked and gave his beau a peck on the side of his forehead.

"Yeah, sure," he said nonchalantly and put his head on Radford's shoulder, smiling. Radford wrapped his hand around Kevin's head and scratched his thick, black hair.

In the midst of the embracing, Radford realized something: if the baby's kicking now…

…he'd need some new things.

Kevin looked up at his partner. "Awh, what's wrong, Radford?"

"Oh, it's nothing. Just… thinking about something."

That night, when they were both sleeping, Kevin felt it kick again.

"Rad!"

"Mmm?"

"Just wanted you to know that it kicked again."

"Oh, um, that's great," Radford said, sounding preeoccupied, but Kevin didn't notice. Outside was the moon, as full as his heart was in that moment.

Chapter Text

Radford opened the door to Kevin's room and said in a sing-songy voice, "Merry Christmas!"

Kevin groaned and said "I don't wanna get up…"

"Come on," Radford insisted and grabbed Kevin's hand, pulling him out of bed. "You won't regret it."

Kevin rubbed his eyes and once he got to the living room, his eyes widened.

The scene couldn't be anymore perfect: heaps of snow on the ground and window, icicles hanging on trees, frosty windows, and a Christmas record playing on the record player.

"Oh!"

"Looks perfect, yeah?"

"Yeah, but… I feel kinda guilty that I don't have a Christmas tree."

"Pff, don't worry about that. Go ahead and open your presents!" He was rather tired from the last minute shopping and wrapping, but was able to mask the fatigue just for him.

All of his gifts were related to his pregnancy, mostly clothes to adjust to his growing bump.

"I'm sorry if your gifts were boring, I tried to match your style—"

"No, no!" Kevin reassured him. "I need these. And you did match my 'style,' if I even have one. I mean, look at these!" He took out a pair of soft, navy blue overalls. "These look so cute!"

"And I have one more surprise for you," Radford said as he led Kevin to the kitchen. He looked at what was on the table and couldn't be happier.

"Cheese and crackers!"

Today's a Monday. You know what that means!

Time to check the mail!

Of course, there's things in there.

You go through every piece, one by one. It's all just a bunch of boring junk.

But then you see an envelope. On that envelope are two names you don't recognize.

When you get home, you open the envelope.

It's a Christmas card that had two guys on it: one with blonde hair and one with black hair. The blonde is kissing the black-haired one on the head, and the latter has a small but visible curve coming from his abdomen.

At the bottom the card read:

Merry Christmas!

From Kevin and Radford (and baby!)

Chapter Text

Robert was excited to be an uncle. No doubt. Though at his age, it felt weird to be considered an uncle. At fourteen, he should be considered a cousin.

But something was also on his mind.

Or rather, someone.

As he walked down the street with his friends, he started obsessing over every detail about her:

Susie Wonder.

the way she laughed, the way her pencil glided across the pages of her sketchbook, the way her ponytail swung from side to side in the halls—

"HEY, LOSERS!"

The all-too familiar catchphrase got Robert out of his head and into reality. Two kids, a skeleton and a pumpkin, were in the hat-donning trio's way.

As Roy argued with the kids-to no avail-Ross said to Robert "So, um, is your brother throwing a gender reveal party?"

"Not sure... Might be fun, though!"

"What's that?"

Their conversation was interrupted by a small voice. Even though Ross was using a low voice, the kid in the skeleton costume still overheard them.

"A gender reveal party?"

"Basically when someone's pregnant, people like to throw a party revolving around if the baby's a boy or girl," Roy explained. "It's super gay and some people even set whole forests on fire."

"Fire?!" Pump said, practically getting starry-eyed.

"No, no, no! Maybe not that! But, if you want, we could work something out."

The kids gasped and said to each other "LET'S MAKE A GENDER REVEAL PARTY!"

After everything had been planned out, everyone had gone to their respective houses. Robert hadn't gone to his house yet and walked alone, despite being at risk for frostbite, when he saw a familiar figure.

He ran to get closer. Was it who he thought it was?

"Susie?" he called out.

The head whirled around and he was relieved to see that familiar face.

"Oh, hi, Robert."

"Um, how are you?"

"Good," she answered. "Cold, but good."

"Um, I was wondering if you wanted to go to my brother's gender reveal party," Robert said awkwardly. "Well, it's not really his party, it's his boyfriend's."

"Oh, is that why my brother asked me that?"

"Asked you what?"

"Oh gosh, my brother asked if boys can get pregnant and I gave him this long, sprawling talk about the reproductive systems. I even somehow got sidetracked and started talking about the symptoms wome-PEOPLE-might have during their pregnancy. I plan on being an OB/GYN one day."

Robert didn't say anything before Susie explained. "A doctor that works with women-er, people with a uterus. Gah, this is gonna take some getting used to."

"But you're so good at drawing!"

"I know, but it won't get me anywhere financially. Plus, there's not a lot of funding and/or research for transgender men that are pregnant."

"I see... So will you go?"

"I mean, my brother was talking about going to this sort of event, so, um, yeah."

Robert looked at the chrysanthemums that decorated someone's porch. He didn't have a hating bone in his body, but it was all in the name of love, right?

He grabbed one, said "Last ones of the season," and gave one to her.

"Go," Susie quietly urged him and gestured to the house. "I don't want them to catch you." And so, they went their separate ways. This might be the closest thing he'd get to getting a girlfriend, but it was definitely worth it.

Chapter Text

Robert texted Radford, when the 20 week ultrasound was just around the corner.

Robert

hey um when's the next prenatal

appointment?

Radford

Friday, why?

Oh shoot, now he had to make up an excuse.

Luckily, he was creative. Not as creative as Susie, but clever enough to give him an excuse.

Robert

oh, i'm doing really bad in health

right now and i really need to

bring my grade up, there's a few

questions about pregnancy on

this health assignment

In reality, there were no questions about pregnancy as his health class was on their STD unit. Also, health was an easy A.

Anyway, this was all part of the plan.

"Hi, Kevin, hi, Radford," Dr. Jewell said before noticing Robert. "And who is this?"

"I'm Robert," he said. "I'm Radford's brother."

"Oh, I bet you're excited about being an uncle, aren't you?"

"Yeah…"

On the way to Kevin's OB/GYN, Robert doodled in a notebook that he brought, and now that she was in the same room as him, he showed a page to her:

My friends and I want to plan a gender reveal party. but we also want to make it a surprise, so if there's any way you could find out, I'd appreciate it.

Dr. Jewell simply smiled and nodded.

When it came time for the ultrasound, Dr. Jewell told them that she would mostly be quiet as she measured their baby and to not worry about that, but it went in one of Kevin's ears and out the other. He was just too excited. He was going to meet his unborn child after twelve weeks, and when he saw the spotlight return to shine on his baby, he could barely contain his love for it. It looked less like an 8 and everyone even got to see its tiny nose.

Kevin's excitement stopped when he saw what looked like a pulsing dark orb.

"Wait, what's that?"

"Hm? Oh, that's your baby's heart," Dr. Jewell explained. "We never did get to listen to its heartbeat. Would you… like to?"

"Oh, yes!"

The screen played a sound as Dr. Jewell still held the doppler: WOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSHWOOSH.

Kevin's hand interlocked with Radford's, both of their eyes getting misty.

After the ultrasound, Dr. Jewell gave Robert an envelope and he quickly hid it in his notebook.

A week after the ultrasound, Kevin and Radford were walking to their apartment.

"…and that's why I don't really like 'I'm Just Ken,' because it pans away from what the movie's about," Kevin said, finishing up his argument.

"Yeah, but in that song, he explains why he's acting like that in the first place."

"It's toxic masculinity in a movie about how hard it is to be a woman, and I don't even know why it won over 'What Was I Made For?' at the Critics' Choice Awards."

"When he's stripped away of everything that makes him him, he's nothing."

"…Okay, fine, maybe I like 'I'm Just Ken' just a little bit—"

"SURPRISE!"

Both were speechless for a second before Kevin's eyes got watery for what felt like the

one-hundredth time.

"W-what is all this?"

"We all decided to throw a gender reveal party for you guys," Robert explained.

"Is that why you texted me about the ultrasound?" Radford asked.

"Yeah— uh, is he okay?" Robert asked, pointing out Kevin crying.

"It's… hormonal." Kevin said, wiping his tears.

Once his hormones were in check, he walked over to Susie, who was sitting on a barstool. She had two highlighters, one that was pink and one that was blue.

"Hey, guys! Just draw on your hand with the highlighter based on the gender you think your baby's gonna be."

Kevin looked at the highlighters for a second, then said "Oh, but I really don't care if it's a boy or a girl."

"Just pick one."

"Ugh, fine." Kevin gave in, drawing an X on his hand with a pink highlighter.

A woman with purple hair came up to him.

"Hi, Kevin. I just wanted to say congratulations on the little one. My son talks about you all the time and if there's one thing I've learned about raising a child, it's this: having and taking care of a child is one of the most expensive things in the world. If there's anything I can do for you or your partner financially, just let me know."

"Oh, um, thank you, Miss, um…"

"Oh, no need for formalities! Just call me Lila."

"KEVIN!"

He looked away from Lila and saw the two kids run up to him and hug his legs. Blue was scribbled on each of their hands.

"Hey, kids!"

Skid let go of his leg, looked around and said "Wait, is this party for you?"

"Um, yeah, pretty much!"

"And does that mean we'll have another friend to play with?" Pump added.

"If you want to think about it that way, yeah—" Kevin started, then cut himself off. "W-wait, you don't find this weird?"

"What's weird about it?" Then, the kids started gushing about all the adventures they would go on.

They didn't find any of this weird, he thought. Wow, they really do care about me.

At last came the big reveal. On the counter were two boxes that looked like they could hold necklaces.

After everyone counted down, the expecting parents opened the boxes.

Inside each box was a jellybean.

They were both pink.

"They're both pink!" the couple said in unison.

As everyone clapped and cheered, they hugged and rubbed noses.

"I can't believe it, Rad." Kevin said softly. "We're having a girl."

"Ohh, Radford, I can't believe we're having a girl~!" Kevin said cheerfully, twirling around in joy in the middle of their apartment. At this point, everyone left their apartment.

"I mean, that cuts off half of the baby name options!" Radford added. Then, he asked "Hey, who were you talking to at the party? The woman with the purple hair."

"Are you talking about Lila?"

"Yeah, you looked so happy when you were talking to her."

Kevin nodded and said "She ended up being wonderful. She'll support us in any way that she can."

"Now that's nice."

"You know," Kevin said, realizing something. "she can't call us both Dad because when she does, it's gonna be like, well, which one?"

"Oh! This has been simmering in my brain for a while," Radford started, "and it's completely original!"

"No, it's not," Kevin protested. "Every time someone says that, they just take it from something else."

"I will be called…" Then, he twirled around and made finger guns. "'Dadford.'"

Kevin looked at him for a moment before emitting a short snicker. Then, it slowly transitioned to giggling. Soon, he was laughing hysterically before the baby kicked, shutting him up.

"Thank you, thank you," Kevin smiled, holding his belly.

"You're welcome," Radford said, bowing.

"No, I'm talking to the baby," Kevin explained, caressing the bump with his thumb. "She kicked me."

"Aw, she doesn't like her good ol' dad?" Radford asked, stooping down to Kevin's stomach. "

"No; what she doesn't like is her good ol' dad's stupid jokes."

Radford laughed a little, sat on the sofa, and said "You're gonna be such a great dad."

Kevin sighed, sat next to him, and said "You will too, Popcorn Head."

Chapter Text

"You're having a baby shower."

Kevin was on the phone with his mother, who gave him this command.

"No, you know me, Mom," he said reluctantly. "I don't want people making a fuss over me. I feel like the gender reveal that the kids planned out was eno—"

"No, this is your first child," she said vehemently. "You are having a baby shower."

And so he had one. About twenty of Kevin and Radford's friends and family attended, including his parents and Lila.

When it came to gifts, everyone pitched in in some way, shape, or form, and exclamations of "Oh, these look so cute!" and "I know this is gonna be her favorite!" gladly rang out in the apartment.

Kevin's mother gave them books like Winnie the Pooh, Madeline, and several Miffy books, as well as a Miffy plushie.

She's gotta learn about her Dutch heritage somehow, Kevin thought.

John gave them a pink stroller, which they thought was beautiful and loved, and Lila brought in a diaper cake, which looked so pretty that Kevin didn't even want to use it. They were also given sheets, washcloths, and clothes. Some of the guests also gave the couple cards, one of them being a pink card that said "sweet baby girl" and near the top was a peppermint candy, which made Kevin laugh. There were also games and overall, everyone had a good time.

That night, Kevin woke up from a fit of insomnia. It was 10:45 at night, but he could see from the blackout curtains that it was still light out. Was this because it was the beginning of daylight savings time?

He got out of bed and peeked out. The pavement looked bright, brighter than usual, so he started looking for the source of that light.

He looked to his left, to the street light, but it looked more yellow.

Then he looked up.

It was the moon at its zenith. It was in its waxing gibbous stage and looked so hypnotizing that he used the moon phase as an allegory of himself: not quite full yet, but not empty either.

He also noticed the constellation Orion on his right. Every time he noticed him, a song that one of the choirs at his high school performed came to mind:

"Warrior high above the earth

You tell us of our worth"

The song talked about how most people loathe winter, but with winter coming, Orion comes as well.

Soon, he wouldn't be there, but that would also mean that the earth would be ripe again, Persephone would be returning to her mother soon, and on the topic of "parenthood," it filled Kevin with such joy that she would see the beauty this world has to offer.

Chapter Text

Suddenly, he felt… something. He wasn't sure what it was, but it wasn't the baby. In fact, it wasn't anything physical.

It was more like something in his mind, like a mental cue or realization. But whatever it was, God was it strong.

He went to the kitchen.

Radford woke up to the sound of someone spraying something.

He looked at the alarm clock. Three in the morning? What could that be?

He turned around and saw that Kevin had gotten out of bed. The pregnancy pillow was still there and a large drool puddle was still intact, but he was nowhere to be found.

He must be in the bathroom, he thought.

Then, he heard the spraying again and went to the source of the spraying, the kitchen, where he found Kevin cleaning a table feverishly.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he asked and Kevin jerked his head up like a raccoon caught eating garbage.

"Okay, so, I don't know exactly why I'm doing this, but I'm theorizing that, since I just had my baby shower, this would be the perfect time to get the apartment ready."

"Not when it's three in the morning," Radford said, taking the rag from Kevin's hand before putting his hands on his shoulders. "Go get some rest."

"Oh, but that's the thing, I can't! My mind is alive and, like I said, I don't know why, a—"

He abruptly stopped for a second before speaking again, albeit more anxiously.

"Oh, God!"

"What?"

"We haven't started the nursery!"

"Don't worry, I'm sure we still have time-"

"But what if we don't? We're just two people."

"We could probably get Lila to help us."

"That's true." Kevin got Lila's phone number during the gender reveal party.

He sat down on the bed and groaned as he put his head in his hands. "What should her nursery look like?"

"Oh!"

"What?"

"Nothing, I just remembered that most marsupials have pouches, not just kangaroos."

The room went silent for a second before their eyes widened at the same time and they slowly turned their heads in realization, the genuine question and stupid fact colliding, and they would've started screaming and freaking out had it not been the middle of the night.

"No, 'cause wombats are the cutest things ever," Kevin whispered.

Luckily, the couple didn't have to move as Kevin had a spare room in his apartment that he used for storage.

As Lila and Radford painted the walls, Kevin hummed while folding an outfit for the baby to go home in and putting it in a hospital bag when he felt her kick.

He stopped for a minute before humming that same song. She kicked again.

His eyes narrowed. Something was definitely up.

He reminded himself that he was humming. If he sang, would she kick?

"You told me you fell in love with it

Hadn't gone as I'd planned"

This movement was the hardest of all and felt like she was slamming her fists against his uterus.

From the corner of her eye, Lila saw him flinch. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just… kicking a lot. I guess she likes it when I sing."

"Well, that was a pretty song, what was it?"

"Oh, 'Hidden in the Sand' by Tally Hall. I don't think you'd know it, though."

"I don't listen to country that much, but the song 'I'm a Survivor' by Reba McEntire really speaks to me." And then she sang:

"A single mom who works two jobs

Who loves her kids and never stops

With gentle hands and the heart of a fighter

I'm a survivor"

Kevin clapped before the baby kicked his burgeoning belly.

"Oh!" he exclaimed in surprise. "She really seemed to like it as well!"

"Probably because I scored so high in those solo and ensemble contests."

"Wait," Kevin realized, "you said solo and ensemble—were you in choir?"

"Yup!"

"What part were you?"

"I was a soprano."

"Tenor."

"Oh, but tell me more about the pregnancy!" Lila said, beaming. "Have you been craving anything weird? I didn't, but my friend Jaune did."

"Um, not anything weird, but Ritz cheese and crackers."

"So many cheese and crackers," Radford butted in. "He also sometimes takes suckers from the candy store and—"

"Alright, maybe we should talk about something else!"

"Oh! Have you picked a name yet?" Lila asked.

"Uh, funny you ask that," Kevin started, smiling sheepishly. "Not yet, but I've been poring over books in bookstores, wondering what to name her. I don't get them, I just sit in a corner and read the names and what they mean."

"Yeah."

"Oh, I forgot to mention this, but I eat cheese and crackers like an Oreo, and if there's cheese on both crackers after I peel it, that's okay, but if it's just on one, oh my gosh, it's so satisfying."

It was beautiful, exactly as they pictured it.

Pink walls with dark brown borders.

Decals on the walls of koalas eating eucalyptus, wombats being the cutest things ever, and kangaroos with joeys hanging out of their pouches.

Radford's crib and changing table were also there, as well as a friend's rocking chair.

"Ah, it looks beautiful!" Lila said.

"Pink goes good with green," Radford replied, referencing a movie while also talking about the koalas eating eucalyptus.

"Oh, but the weather outside is just as beautiful!" Kevin said and walked to the window and opened it. It was sunny, but not too hot. Dandelions, daffodils, black-eyed Susans, and other wildflowers that he couldn't identify for the life of him dotted the grass, as well as clover.

A breeze brushed his face and he closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he saw two white butterflies, circling each other beneath a tree.

That would be them soon.

Chapter Text

Kevin and Radford were looking at a book of baby names together.

"I like this one."

"Yeah, me, too," Kevin said. Then, he leaned against Radford and interlaced hands before the latter gave him a kiss on the cheek.

Chapter Text

Kevin was alone in the apartment. Radford was out doing… something, he had forgotten. Pregnancy brain does that, sometimes.

Speaking of, he realized that, at eight months pregnant, he never got to properly talk to the baby living in his womb.

He looked around. No one else is here. This gives him the chance to. He won't get judged.

He took a deep breath.

"Hi, baby. It's me, your dad," he started. "Let's get things straight: I'm really excited to meet you. Your room is ready and I really hope you like it, 'cause Dadford and I do."

He flinched. He still couldn't believe that they were actually using that name.

"I've seen you before, but it was in black and white and on a screen. So I have seen you, but I really haven't."

He realized that sounded like nonsense.

"Ugh, I'm not good with words," he sighed, leaning back and running his hands through his hair. "Part of what I'm trying to say is, will you have light hair like Dadford?"

He took a lock of his own thick hair, which had gotten thicker because of the pregnancy. "Or will it be dark like mine?"

She wriggled reassuringly.

"Well, it won't be long till I find out."

He sighed again. "But something that absolutely eats at me is that even though the world can look beautiful on the surface, the world can also be, more often than not, a scary place. Just be careful. It's dangerous out there and I don't want anything to harm you."

Then, he got the strange feeling that someone was watching him, so he turned his head, and there was Radford, looking like he was on the verge of tears.

"Oh, uh, when did you get home—"

"Hi baby, it's Dadford!" he said as he hopped onto the couch, lying on his stomach with his feet up, eyes on Kevin's belly. "I'm so excited to meet you. Every time I think about seeing you for the first time, I start to tear up."

He wiped a single small tear from his eye. "Your dad has been taking such good care of you; he's been eating well and handles all your little movements amazingly. We even got to see you have the hiccups a few weeks ago!"

That was a particularly joyous occasion. Kevin had called Radford over and the two got to see her jump around in Kevin's womb.

"We really hope you like your room, 'cause we love it!"

"Hon, I already said that—"

"Sssh, I'm having a moment," he whispered. "It's pink and marsupial-themed and it's just cute in general! Your extended family is also excited to meet you. I will be there for your every need and I will never let you down."

Kevin was left speechless for a few seconds before he started talking again. "Well, sweetie, you heard it from both of us: we just wanted to say hi and that we're so excited to meet you, hopefully in a few weeks!"

Chapter Text

"Y'know, I've surprisingly never asked you this, but… how does it feel to be pregnant?"

Kevin, who is 36 weeks along, stared at Radford with a straight face when he asked that question before he burst out laughing.

"I'm being serious, how are you holding up?"

"Holding up?!" he started to gripe. "I'm barely holding up! My back hurts all the time, I can barely get a full breath in anymore, she constantly kicks me in my ribs, I constantly have to pee—again, and I haven't seen my feet in weeks! How are you not tired of me sounding like a broken record?"

"Must be love," Radford shrugged.

"I swear, it doesn't even feel like a human is in here; she feels like a bowling ball and I can barely stay awake during the day, but at night, I can't sleep because of how much she kicks."

"Maybe you're just getting a taste of what's gonna be in store in a few weeks."

"Don't remind me."

"Hey, I might have something to relieve that pain."

Kevin squinted skeptically.

"Just… follow me."

"I also can't get up without someone helping me up," he added, flexing his fingers while pouting. Radford looked at him for a second before he simply said "Alright." and helped Kevin up.

"You know what I miss? Sleeping on my stomach. Even sleeping on my back, and I'm not a back sleeper! Also, you have two other siblings, so why did you ask me? You probably learned a thing or two from your mom."

"Didn't think anything of it."

As the conversation progressed, Radford got behind Kevin before lifting his belly up. Kevin's eyes went wide before he practically melted into a big puddle of relief.

"How does it feel?" Radford asked his partner.

"Like I'm not pregnant," he started. "Like she's already here."

"Wait, I have to readjust."

"No, no, no, please—" Kevin pleaded as Radford lowered his belly down.

"It hurts that bad?"

"Yes…"

Radford lifted his belly again. "Oh my gosh, thank you."

"Anything for you," he replied, and gave him a kiss.

Chapter Text

Kevin and Radford were both on the couch, with a very pregnant Kevin absentmindedly etching patterns into it. The only sound heard was the ticking of a clock. They were essentially ready when the baby was.

"So," Radford started, "this is the end of an era, huh?"

"Well," Kevin sighed and stopped etching patterns. It was easier to breathe now. "I don't think so. Like Taylor Swift said in 'Long Live,'

'It was the end of a decade

But the start of an age.'

There will be more milestones in her life: when she walks, when she talks, her first day of school, and countless more."

"You know that song was about the success in her career, right?"

"Yes, but you could interpret it in a different way. Like how 'Good Riddance' was written by Billie Joe Armstrong about a woman who broke up with him, but now, it's one of the most popular graduation songs."

There was a beat of silence before Radford said "I feel like you've gotten wiser during this whole thing."

"Probably because I'm not surrounded by hyperactive children who spew out indecipherable phrases all day."

"Hopefully that won't be our daughter, right?"

"Of course not, I love her. And you love our baby, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Radford answered. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Aww, you're gonna be the best dad."

"You'll be a great dad as well."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Radford put his arm around his partner and they each put a hand on his bump.

Chapter Text

His relaxed expression suddenly tensed up, his already closed eyes scrunching up, as he felt a pang of pain in his back.

"Fuck."

"What?"

"Contraction."

Radford looked up at the clock, as Dr. Jewell told them to keep track of his contractions—he had felt a few of them today—and if they were five minutes apart, lasted for a minute, and if this pattern repeated for an hour, they were to go to the hospital.

Earlier in the pregnancy, Kevin was unsure about how to tell Braxton-Hicks contractions from real contractions, but now, he was starting to understand: while Braxton-Hicks felt like a dull ache in his stomach, these contractions started in a pain that shot up his lower back before moving to his abdomen.

"Well, what do you want to do?" Radford asked.

"Walk, I want to walk," Kevin started to say, and Radford got up to help him up. "I want to distract myself for at least a little bit." He laughed nervously.

Kevin waddled around the apartment with Radford following closely behind, lest anything happen.

Then, he felt another contraction strike him and cradled his bump with one arm and put the other on the doorway to the kitchen to hold himself up.

"Uuuhh, what's the time?" he groaned and Radford logged it. There was seven minutes between the previous contraction and this one.

After a few minutes, he felt something inside of him pop before feeling a sudden gush between his legs that didn't seem to stop.

His eyes widened. "Rad?!" he called out after a few seconds of looking down at his wet pants in shock.

"Yeah…?" he answered warily.

"My water just broke." As soon as he says that, Radford sees how wet Kevin's pants are.

"Oh— oh. Oh shit, we have to go."

Kevin doubled over as another contraction hit him, this one stronger than any of the others that he felt. In the midst of the pain, however, he laughed a little before saying "Ya think?!" Then, he started slamming his palm against the floor. "Ughhh, time, time, what's the tiiime?!"

"Doesn't matter, I'm calling Dr. Jewell!"

One night, when him and Radford were on a date, he was watching boats go by on a river when he noticed how near the stern, small waves would form.

Back then, he thought it was calm and serene.

Now, he understood why the phrase "waves of pain" exists.

The drive to the hospital was mostly a blur, as Kevin tried to breathe steadily like he was told to in the childbirth class Radford and him went to a few weeks ago, but he remembered the car passing by several patches of wildflowers, providing bits of solace for him. It wasn't much, but it was something.

Once they got to the hospital, Kevin got into a wheelchair that a nurse was holding. The nurse wheeled him into the hospital, through the maternity ward, and to his room.

Soon after Kevin and Radford changed into a hospital gown and scrubs respectively and the former got poked and prodded a bit, Dr. Jewell came into his room.

"Alright, Kevin," she started, "let's see how far along you are dilation-wise." After some time, she told them that his cervix had dilated four centimeters.

A few weeks ago, when discussing his birth plan, Kevin said that he wanted an epidural, and a couple minutes later, an anesthesiologist came into his room. Before the procedure, she asked him some questions before ending with "Do you have any questions?"

"Will the epidural harm my baby?" Kevin asked in a slightly higher pitch than usual.

"No, it won't reach them," she answered, a small smile forming under her mask. Then, she told him to sit up with his back arched. He did, albeit awkwardly, before she disinfected his back with a paintbrush-like tool in small strokes, which made him flinch from how cold it was.

The quiet of the room was interrupted by a yell.

"That's the needle?!"

Radford, who was silently watching over his partner, broke the silence. "That thing looks like a sword!"

"Shut up and talk about something else~!" Kevin said, almost song-like and through his teeth.

"Uhm, remember those prenatal and childbirth classes we took?" "And the fact that I had to use an alias because I was too scared of what people would think?"

"Yeah, but ya gotta admit that the instructor looked kinda cute."

"Melissa?"

"Yeah, with her low, soft voice, long, flowing blonde hair and peasant blouse. Reminded me of home."

Kevin was about to deliver a quip to the Californian before he was cut short by the prick of the needle, which made him flinch.

After the prick, however, it was like magic: though his legs felt numb, the pain gradually faded and he even started to feel tired. The anesthesiologist then explained a few things, like how he could adjust the dosage, but couldn't leave the bed, before she left.

"How does it feel?" Radford asked.

"Magical," he replied sleepily.

Then, they spent some time murmuring sweet nothings every so often like they were a few hours ago.

Meanwhile, Skid and Pump were playing at the former's house. Lila was on her phone when

she gasped.

"Oh!"

"What is it?"

"Kevin and Radford are at the hospital, their baby's almost here!"

A few seconds after they pick up the pieces—they've been doing their research—they say at the same time "LET'S DELIVER A BABY!"

"I think it's almost time."

Radford, reading Kevin's slight grimace, sat up and said "Oh, is the pain returning?"

"Yeah. I'll try upping the dosage and see if it does anything."

But, as he would soon find out, the pain wouldn't recede. Soon after the feeling of his back on fire returned, Dr. Jewell returned to check on his progress.

"Okay Kevin, three centimeters to go and then you can start pushing," Dr. Jewell told him. Just then, Skid and Pump spawned into Kevin's room.

"W… what are you doing in here?!"

"My mom told us you were in the hospital," Skid said, and it took a few seconds for a frustrated smile to form on his face.

"I mean, they can be in here if you want," Dr. Jewell suggested.

"I'll accept anything at this point," he answered almost immediately. "I just want to focus on pushing out my daughter."

It was the worst pain he had felt in his entire life. It was to the point where he almost regretted getting the epidural.

"Ughhh, I want to get up and move, but I caaan't…"

As his cervix continued to dilate, he held onto Radford's hand tightly, the tightest he could without breaking it. Sure, he was in pain, but that didn't mean he lost his common sense.

Then, he got the news from Dr. Jewell that he was fully dilated.

"I don't know," a distressed Kevin groaned. "I suddenly can't do it."

Radford grabbed Kevin's hands. "You're doing great, hon, you got this. You wanted to have a kid, right?"

Kevin, looking deep into Radford's eyes, silently nodded.

"Then it's time to lock in."

A few seconds later, a couple of nurses came in and Kevin's feet were positioned in stirrups. The epidural dosage had to be lowered as well. Every time he had a contraction—which was almost all the time now—Dr. Jewell counted from one to ten as he pushed.

"Radford, I appreciate the support—I really do—but I'm trying to focus on something else here."

It felt like his body was splitting in two. It was one hundred times worse than getting stabbed in the knee, one hundred and fifty times worse than falling on the floor, and though the pain was close to it, it was even worse than getting possessed.

"The head's out!" Dr. Jewell announced. "Good news, Kevin: the hard part's over!"

He made a noise that sounded like a mix between a groan and a scream; he was almost nonverbal now, white-knuckling the handrails and still honed in on Dr. Jewell and the nurses' instructions. Everything else was background noise: Radford, Skid and Pump's excited shouts and cheers, even the fetal heart monitor with its wooshwoosh sound.

But then, when Kevin opened his mouth to scream for what seemed like the hundredth time, someone else joined in, sounding like a scrappy kitten.

Her.

Their daughter.

Coos of "Here she is~" and "Happy birthday!" filled the room as Kevin slowly caught his breath, sometimes pausing to wipe away the tears falling from his fluttering eyes.

Her cries got stronger. It was the most earsplitting thing he had ever heard, but he couldn't be happier.

"Would you like to hold her?" one of the nurses asked.

"Um—no, thank you," he said shakily, trying not to sound disgusted. Not by the life he had just brought into the world, oh no, but by what she looked like directly after the birth. Whenever he tried picturing it, he would just compare it to one of the many nightmares he had in the past.

"Aww, but she looks so spooky!" Skid exclaimed.

The baby was covered in vernix and blood. She also asked if Radford wanted to cut the umbilical cord, but he also declined. Seeing Kevin possessed was enough trauma for him.

There was one last thing he had to do: deliver the placenta. He was still feeling contractions, though not as severe, as the red fleshy plate exited out of his body.

"Ooh, what's that?" Skid looked at the object in wonder.

"This, kids, is the placenta," Dr. Jewell explained to the two. "It's essential for providing nutrients to the baby."

They oohed and aahed for a beat, and without a second thought, they ravenously shredded the organ in their mouths.

After a second, Kevin blinked and quickly asked "What was that?"

"Your, uh… well, I forgot the name of it." Pump said.

"You ate my placenta?!"

"Yeah, it was delicious," Skid said nonchalantly as Pump licked his fingers. At this point, he's so exhausted that he's not angry, just disappointed.

One of the nurses handed him his baby. "Well, we hope you have fun with your baby!" Skid continued.

"Bye bye, Kevin!" they said in unison before popping out of existence once again.

Bewilderment was written all over Kevin's face, the events of the day raging in his head: the contractions, the breathing in and out, the pushing, the screaming nearly rupturing his larynx, and they went round and round like a carousel: contractions, breathing, pushing, screaming, contractions, breathing, pushing, screaming, until his mind was full of static. Again.

Suddenly, he felt something grab his finger and it gets him out of the fog. He looked down and saw that his daughter, although sleeping, had absentmindedly curled her hand around his finger. The serenity of her sleeping made the static melt away like snow.

But once her eyes opened, something bloomed in his heart, as if the melted snow made flowers grow. It was strangely poetic in a way, as if she were a dandelion and he were the sun.

He looked closer, and though it was faint, he saw that she had that black swirl of hair that he had inherited from his mother—her grandmother.

"You should really try skin-to-skin contact," the same nurse suggested. "It helps regulate her body temperature and it's really good for her development and bonding."

He showed a bit of skin before removing a bit of the blanket the baby was swaddled in, the feeling of her soft skin on his chest sending him into euphoria.

Then, the hospital staff walked out of the room until it was just them.

"You did it," Radford said, putting his forehead up against Kevin's. "You really did it. You just did the most mountain-moving thing since, well… ever!"

"I see you're also struggling to form words," an exhausted Kevin said with a shuddering quality to his voice.

Radford chuckled lightly. "By how loud she was screaming, she seems to have picked up your rage."

"I just hope she's as enthusiastic as you," Kevin sighed softly. "Hello, Olivia."

When Robert woke up, he saw his mother sitting at the dinner table. She turned around and when she saw him, she perked up.

"Oh, thank goodness you're up!" she exclaimed. "Your niece was born last night. Radford took a picture."

She handed him her phone and saw Kevin in a hospital bed holding his daughter. His hair was disheveled and he looked tired, but happy. Below the picture was a text that read "Olivia Elise Buckley-Peijnenburg."

Robert looked up and said "Can I tell Maggie?"

"Of course," she said and he walked down the hallway. "We'll be going to the hospital in a few hours as well, so wear something nice."

The door to her room creaked open. "Maggie!" he whispered loudly.

She stirred. "Yeah?"

"You're officially an aunt."

The next day, the day that the three of them were leaving the hospital, Kevin woke up to rain pounding against the window. He was taken out of the hospital in a wheelchair, even though he was able to stand up and walk on his own. Radford, who was holding Olivia in a car seat, ran in the pouring rain to the car and pulled up to the entrance.

Kevin stayed in the back with her. The skin around his stomach was slightly more saggy now and it didn't look like he was nine months pregnant—it looked more like he was five or six months along.

Through the drenched windshield—it was raining sideways—he saw the same wildflowers from when he was in labor, and though in the rain there was a hazy quality to them, they seemed even more vibrant than they were before.

And when they finally got inside their apartment, he remembered the two butterflies circling each other when Lila, Radford, and him were done with Olivia's room.

Well, here they were.

Come with me, my love

To the sea, the sea of love

I want to tell you

How much I love you

Chapter Text

The excitement of becoming new parents, however, soon faded a bit.

Many days they found themselves with spit running down the backs of their shirts and changing them more than the seasons.

And the noise. Who knew that such a small thing could make so much noise? Sometimes it would get so bad to the point where they would play rock, paper, scissors to see who would calm Olivia down, often in the dead of night.

Between that and deciphering whatever was making her fussy, it's safe to say that the colic was… a lot. And it seemed to take a mental toll on Kevin, too.

Sometimes, he would be more agitated than he usually was, though other times, he'd silently brood while looking through the window. He did this a couple times when he was pregnant, wondering if he would be a good father, but since that reality reared its head, he did it a lot more. He also cried a lot. Sometimes, he'd cry so much that it hurt to blink and his sleeves would get damp.

And whenever he looked at Olivia, he would feel close to nothing. He wanted this, so why was he not feeling the joy he was expecting?

It also took something of a physical toll on him, too. After a shower, he would comb his hair and a few strands of hair would be stuck in the teeth, but after giving birth, it came in clumps. He would also sometimes not be able to get out of bed all day. His limbs would either be messily layered on top of each other or have his knees up to his chest.

It was confusing. It was messy.

Meanwhile, Radford had been watching him closely as all of this was happening. Today, Kevin was curled up on the couch with his head while staring at the floor absentmindedly, his eyes glazed over and he just seemed out of it in general. This is something that he'd been doing since giving birth to Olivia.

Radford sat next to him, the cushion shifting. "Hey."

Kevin didn't respond. Unlike Radford, who would make conversation with anyone, no matter who they were, Kevin wasn't really talkative, but this, this was almost uncharacteristic of him.

After a few seconds, he managed to choke out a raspy "Hey."

"So you wanna talk about all…" Radford gestured to Kevin in his state "…this?"

He sighed through his nose and pulled his knees to his chest. "It just feels like my soul's been taken from my body. I don't feel like myself and my mind is empty." He tightened his grip. "It's just… a lot."

"…Well, you remember what Dr. Jewell said, right?"

"I know what she said, Radford; I'm just… silently wondering when it will end."

She had told them that his mind and body would be in a weird state after he had Olivia and returned to its prepregnant state.

"Well, I'm sure it'll end sooner than you think."

Kevin said nothing.

"Do you want a hug?"

After a few seconds of silence, he silently nodded and laid his head in Radford's lap, the latter stroking his hair.

"Thank you." Despite the raspiness in his voice, it had been the most genuine thing he had said all day.

1 month later…

Kevin grabbed a vinyl record and set the purple LP onto the record player they had in her room.

When he set the needle down, it actually started on the song he wanted to play.

For once, the universe seemed to be in his favor.

And his baby's.

Olivia, the brightest, radiating beam of light in his life, was sleeping in her crib and there was cozy lighting in her room.

"Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight"

Then, he began to write a letter in the rocking chair next to the crib.

September 16, 20XX

My dear, sweet angel,

Words cannot describe the joy you've brought into our lives since you've arrived. Heck, even before that.

I tried eating right and taking care of you, and while there were a few bumps, at first, it was worth it when I started seeing you from the outside. I seem to have done a good job, what with you moving inside me and all, but you seemed to be an eavesdropper because you wanted out on my due date.

When the nurse brought you over, you were more beautiful than I could ever imagine and that

beauty grows every day. I will try my best to be there for you, but I know that with my job, that will not always be possible.

Always know that you're in my heart as I am in yours. Every time you laugh, I laugh, and every time you cry, I do too. I feel frustrated whenever you cry and there's nothing I can do to make you feel better.

We've waited for your arrival for so long and it's more joyous than we could ever imagine. We hope that your life is long, healthy, and filled with more good days than bad.

I have to go back to work soon. It's a day I've feared since you were born. I always want to be here for you, to watch you as you sleep and smile, to wonder what you are dreaming about that makes you smile so often, to clothe you, and to fill your every need. Most of all, to protect you from any harm.

My dear Olivia, I look forward to many years, watching you grow and holding your hand along the way.

Love love love you always,

Daddy

The record ended.

"Welp," Kevin said, "time to get back on HRT."

Chapter Text

Pregnancy 101

For some, pregnancy can be exciting, while for others, it can be anxiety-inducing. But one thing is for certain: every pregnancy is different. Each pregnancy has different symptoms at different intensities and this essay will go through the symptoms one can experience through the first, second, and third trimesters.

The First Trimester

Pregnancy begins when a sperm and an egg join together. This process is called fertilisation and can happen during sexual intercourse or through in vitro fertilisation. The fertilised egg then divides into billions of cells and implants itself into the uterus.

Throughout pregnancy, many hormones, like human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), come into play to help the baby grow and as a result, the parent's body changes as well: HCG is found in urine and blood and is able to confirm a pregnancy when a pregnancy test is taken. HCG may make the person carrying the baby nauseous and may even make them vomit. This is called morning sickness, though it may not happen in the morning. HCG also makes the parent have a heightened sense of smell. This is called hyperosmia. The person carrying the baby can also be sensitive to some foods and may not eat them. The hormones estrogen and progesterone may make the breasts grow larger and more tender. They may make the areolas larger and darker as well. This is to prepare the body for breastfeeding. Progesterone and hCG, as well as the growing uterus, cause frequent urination. Hormones may also make one have mood swings similar to those felt during premenstrual syndrome. Constipation may be felt as well; as the baby is growing, the uterus presses on the rectum and intestines. The growing uterus may also make clothes tighter. The heart is working hard as well. It's pumping out more blood for both the parent and the baby. Because of all the changes happening to the body, the person carrying the baby may feel fatigued.

The Second Trimester

The second trimester lasts from weeks 13-27. By this time, maternity clothes might have been bought. Some refer to the second trimester as the best part of pregnancy as the effects from the first trimester usually go away at this time and a burst of energy may even be felt. Estrogen may make hair thicker and nails stronger. Skin changes, like a darker line going down the stomach called the linea nigra, could occur. Round ligament pain may also be felt. Round ligaments are two bands attached to the uterus and support it. The parent may experience an increased appetite and crave foods they normally wouldn't eat. Another painful reality in the second trimester is back pain. This is because the baby is growing, causing weight gain. The uterus also shifts the parent's centre of gravity forward. The parent is also told to sleep on their side by this time as that's best for circulation.

Unfortunately, a small percentage of people develop preeclampsia in the second trimester, which is characterised by high blood pressure and protein found in urine. This can negatively affect the fetus in many ways. For example, low birth weight, premature birth, or even stillbirth. Also, because the parent retains an increased amount of fluid, feet, ankles, and hands may become swollen.

By weeks 18-20, the parent will be able to feel the fetus move. At first, the movements may feel like butterflies in the stomach, but over time, they get stronger and in the last few weeks of the second trimester, talking to the fetus may make it move in response. At around 20 weeks, the sex of the fetus is revealed.

The Third Trimester

The third trimester lasts from week 28 until the baby is born. Because the uterus and fetus are still growing, new skin cells form on the parent's body, and as a result, it can get itchy, especially if it's on the stomach. A liquid called colostrum could leak out of the nipples. Colostrum nourishes the baby until breast milk becomes available. Nesting, a natural instinct where the expecting family gets the home ready for the baby, is most common in the third trimester. During this trimester, Braxton Hicks contractions may be felt. They feel like the body is going into labour, but it's just the body preparing itself for it. Unlike actual labour contractions, which start in the back, then work their way to the front and become more routine and painful as time passes, Braxton Hicks contractions stay in the front and are irregular. A few weeks before the baby is born, it drops down into the pelvis. This is called lightening and this can make it easier to breathe since the fetus is putting less pressure on the lungs and diaphragm. However, the fetus is putting more pressure on the bladder, making one urinate more, which may seem like one is reliving the first trimester.

Labour usually starts when the uterine muscles contract. These cause the cervix to thin and open. When the cervix is dilated 10 centimeters—or about four inches—the fetus is able to go through the birth canal. This stage of labour is the most intense, painful, and challenging part and parents are often encouraged to push. After the baby is born, the placenta detaches itself from the uterus. This final stage usually takes thirty minutes.

Conclusion

The onset of a pregnancy can differ from person to person, but one common thread is that the body goes through many stages of change, both physically and mentally. With proper prenatal care, a pregnancy can be a truly rewarding and fulfilling experience, despite its challenges.