Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Kaz sat with both gloved hands resting on the carved crow’s head of his cane and his chin on top with his eyes squinted trying to drown out the crowd noise, He was wearing a simple black top with a long black coat matched with black jeans like he was going to a funeral, He wrecked his brain over where would Jesper be, he had asked him to be here an hour ago and he always followed orders, he was never this late.

“Hmm thats a new face” Inej said sat across from him, She was the complete opposite in an almost all purple attire she contemplated what that face meant cause that was really different from his scheming face she was happy to get a break at last, their last mission was tiring to say the least.

“Lemme guess... Jesper?” She asked knowing what he was thinking of cause she was also thinking the same, Ever since their last mission Jesper seemed waay too off, he was always a little anxious and had too much energy for the shit they do but suddenly that spark of energy vanished.

She heard Kaz tsk and sat back “What about him?” he said nonchalantly like he didn’t just call him 4 times and was ignored for all and she scoffed, Kaz would never let that act drop, At first she thought that he really wasn’t acting and that the only person he cares about was himself but now, She was certain he’s really just that stubborn, Alway acting like he doesn’t care and they both knew how much he does, Kaz cared he just has a very extremely different way of showing it.

“Well for starters, he’s late and he’s been acting off lately have you noticed?” Inej asked trying to play his game

“He is late , i don’t know about the other part” he said, turning his eyes over to the crowd, They were in the most crowded area in the bar they always gathered in to come up with a plan, it was a dirty place and it had filthy, scum of the earth people as clients but it also was the perfect place for them to blend in, who would ever in modern London think 19 year old's would ever be up to something in here?

Kaz made it really hard for people to know who he is, to know their group, he had heard stories about them passed around, people called them, the three crows. Because they were involved in the darkest crimes and were never caught, they were swift and fast like crows were and he gladly took that title, he chuckled if they only they knew all the stories they were so afraid of were born here.

Inej rolled her eyes “Ugh ok fine, I'm worried about him” if you won’t admit it i’ll say it, she thought.

“Why Inej, he isn’t a child and he can take care of himself, i’ll just go over the plan with him when i see him ok? it isn't the first time he’s late” Kaz said trying to hide the fact that he wasn’t going to go call him again.

“What if he gets in trouble and can’t do that!” Inej replied voice raising, he groaned and got up “ill see you later ok” he left without waiting for a reply, the plan was simple it was a walk in the park for them after pulling off such hard and almost impossible heists, this was just quick money grab from a rich asshole that he knew both Inej and Jesper would have no objections to the job.

For now he needed to know where Jesper is, ugh he was so bad at this, At feelings, him and Jesper were the complete opposite, he was always told he was cold and emotionally stunted, but Jesper, he was the sun the warmth in this cold world, his smile alone could make him feel like the world really isn’t that bad which said a lott.

This time he didn’t call again because he remembered there were a couple of places he could be at, whenever he got sulky or anxious Jesper would either go gambling, dance with a stranger at the club, get stupidly drunk and if its really bad he’d go to the sea and he won’t just sit in the middle of a beach, no Jesper would go far to the end of the rocks where no one who cared about their safety goes and that made him angry because thats when he’s the most reckless.

Walking that distance with his cane would be really painful and he’ll definitely feel it later but he couldn’t calm down, A billion what ifs swirled in his mind, what if Jesper got too drunk and is now sat on one of the rocks that’s dangerously too near to the deep sea? what if he looses his footings and drowns? what if....

☽☽☽☽☽☽☽☽

“Ugh stupid stupid Kaz” Jesper mumbled as he kept picking up small stones and throwing it out to the sea, the night was so dark that he thought the darkness would hum, it was probably extremely dangerous for him to be here unarmed which said a lot about the state of his mind.

Drunk and stupid is what he gets when he can’t understand his feelings, He tensed when he felt a presence behind him and heard the sound of a cane that he didn’t need to turn around to see who it was, he still didn’t make his presence known and Jesper didn't bother to start.

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“Hey....come on lets go Jesper” Kaz murmured softly, as if they had just causally met in the park. He ignored him and kept throwing the rocks and taking a sip of the almost empty bottle and when he was about to take another gulp he felt a gloved hand on his own hand taking the bottle from him and quickly smashing it to the ground making shards of glass with what's left of the drink splash, he flinched.

“What the fuck was that for Kaz!!” Jesper shouted and stood up turning around to meet Kaz’s furious eyes on his, Kaz didn't reply back but he took a few steps until he was close invading his personal space.

His gloved hand slid into his coat pocket and pulled out his phone “For that” Kaz said turning the screen to his face showing him the missed calls and texts.

“Now if you dont want this smashed too, you’ll come back now ” Kaz continued still holding his phone in his hand and turned around and started walking as if he knew that Jesper without a doubt would follow him and he was too tired to say anything else and so he did, he followed him.

☽☽☽☽☽☽☽☽☽☽

When they were finally on solid ground Jesper kept stumbling and barely walking Kaz was ahead of him somehow knowing he’s still following him until he suddenly smacked a huge solid wall that hurt until, the wall turned around and faced him

“Watch where you’re going boy!” the wall seemed very angry and had bad breath so he tried ignoring the wall and continued on but a big hand on his wrist tugged him back hard making him stumble and fall to the ground “Oucch” he mumbled.

The big wall stood in front of him and when he squinted his eyes the wall was actually a big burly man built like a Dorito he snickered at his own joke but quickly figured that it didn’t make the dorito wall laugh... and ok he’s royally fucked ,

He definitely wont be able to defend himself he was on the ground and unarmed, drunk out of his mind, before he could react he heard the sound of a gun click and his swaying head focused on it being pointed at him... well shit.

“I think im owed an apology boy!! give me everything you have” he heard the stranger growled and he rolled his eyes over how cliche that was and groaned Kaz is gonna kill him for this if the stranger didn’t first.

Kaz rolled his eyes and grunted ugh not another bug , thats what he called these typed of muggers, bugs ... knowing Jesper cant defend himself being too drunk he cursed himself remembering he isn’t a child he can take care of himself, damn Inej being always right. he ignored the pang of pain he felt every step he took and in instant he stood in front of Jesper, one hand holding his cane and the other on the gun in his pocket.

“Turn around now and there wont be any problems” Kaz said in an exhausted tone, he really wasn’t in the mood for this,

The stranger chuckled “Awhh look at that guys! he’s protecting him” the guy shouted turning around to the crowed that were fleeing the scene, this was a normal thing in this area so no-one blinked an eye, the rule was if you’re not involved then the first thing you do is run.

In a swift motion he raised his own gun and pointed it to the guy “Don't...”   Kaz really did not want to pull the trigger, as much as it’ll be so much easier to do so and just walk back with Jesper and then he can finally sleep , it was almost midnight, it wasn’t like they aren’t used to it, they were the crows after all but today, today he just wanted to sleep , damn everything else but he knew his body won’t allow him if Jesper wasn’t somewhere safe with him.

“Or what” The dumbass replied and it took everything in him not to just put a bullet in his head, Kaz rolled his eyes

“Or you’ll choke on your own blood” He replied and saw the guy putting his hands up mockingly and Kaz tsked, of course this bug wouldn’t believe him, no one who sees him would ever think he’s a cold-blooded murderer, His youthful look always gave off innocence but as soon as people actually saw him in his element and his murderous eyes they recoil in fear and that particular moment, he loved.

“My problem isn’t with you boy it’s with him so just get out of my way” the bug took a step towards him to shove him and go straight to Jesper and that's just not happening and that's when he was too annoyed for negotiation anymore so just as soon as the bug moved Kaz pointed the gun to his foot and shot, he pulled back as the bug screamed and grunted dropping to the floor in a second, the floor painting red with his blood “that's a warning” Kaz said and looked for the bug’s gun and shoved it in his pocket ignoring his screams.

He crouched down and shut his eyes hard trying to let the pain pass through him, he took a deep breath and shook his head and he let his eyes roam over Jesper assessing for any sort of injury other than his stupidity “Ready to go now?” Kaz tried again gently trying to coax Jesper up

Jesper was barely keeping his head up feeling it lull around like he was a new born baby, whatever just happened was like a blur to him all he heard was a gunshot and screaming which is what he always heard these days, his head was killing him, he didn’t know if it was from his overthinking or anxiety or the alcohol? he could barely register Kaz waiting for him to answer so he turned his head to meet Kaz’s scrutinizing eyes, His own blinking slowly feeling them burn with every blink

“You don’t trust me” Jesper said in a barely audible whisper and saw Kaz sigh and hung his head down, he seemed really tired maybe he should probably stop being a sulking child but he didn’t care, he was too angry at Kaz

“and who told you that?" Kaz replied casually as if there wasn’t a bleeding screaming guy a feet away from them, he was surprised Kaz was humoring him because this was too reckless of them at any moment they could be caught and Kaz never gets caught,

He wondered how long he’d do that for and before he could reply they were interrupted by the screaming guy “IMMA KILL YOU BOTH” and Kaz just rolled his eyes not even bothering to give the guy a glance back, he held his gloved hand towards him and that’s when he knew Kaz was desperate to leave so he reluctantly took his hand and they both got up in unison.

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They started walking past the screaming guy and Jesper tried his hardest to just walk, he kept repeating it in his head just walk Jesper just walk but the absence of alcohol and everything that kept his thoughts at bay made him keep replaying his thoughts that made him want to drown it out by drinking more,

why are you following him he doesn’t even care about you, he doesn’t trust you, you don’t make a difference in his life, you’re just an asset to his business .

Matthias was right he doesn’t trust me, he choked up as he remembered all of this started, all of his fucked up thoughts started when he was annoying Matthias that was complaining about Kaz

“Who does he think he is giving orders like that” Matthias grunted

“Well, we wouldn’t be the crows without him and he doesn’t trust easy so dont take it personally!” Jesper was only trying to console him

Matthias scoffed “and you think he trusts you?” he barked out a laugh “please the only person he trusts is Inej dont fool yourself idiot” and with that bombshell Matthias left him with that

Jesper shook his head from the memory and froze in his place, Matthias was right why should he follow his orders, As if Kaz immediately knew he stopped following him, he saw Kaz’s shoulders tense “Please Jesper” Kaz whispered, and wow a please? thats another sign of desperation Jesper thought.

Jesper was staring daggers at Kaz’s back “Why” he asked venomously and saw Kaz’s hand clutch at his side and the other one was gripping his cane tightly knuckles turning almost white.

“Jesper im so close to knocking you out and dragging you all the way back, i don’t even care if you have a concussion or not, i.will.not.repeat.myself . ” Kaz hissed still not turning back but his mixed feelings of jealousy of how differently Kaz treated him from Inej and even the rest of the crew were overpowering but he contemplated over what to do, no one wanted to test Kaz when he’s like that but he knew Kaz wouldn’t hurt him no matter how mad he was, do i really know that? he thought

So he decided to say fuck it and risk it “No, im not following you back!” and stood there curious what would Kaz do next “i wanna get...m-mmore drunk” he hiccupped and took one last look at Kaz and turned around but suddenly he felt something hit his head and everything turned black.

Kaz really really didnt want to do this, he didnt want it to come to this but he’ll do anything to ensure Jesper’s safety and if that meant knocking him out and dragging him back unconscious then so be it, he’d rather have him safe and hate him then in danger and hate him,

Now the problem is how will he drag him back...., it wasn’t because he wasn’t ready to carry him limping and in pain but he was just absolutely sure that he won’t be able to walk for a week after and if they didn’t have a new job soon he would do it in a heartbeat, he stood there watching Jesper knocked out form he just looked like he was sleeping he could probably get away with the excuse of him fainting and he was just too drunk to remember.

Kaz felt a bump on his shoulders and he turned around ready to cuss whoever that was out and was met with 2 kids that were barley the same age as he was but they were big like they trained every day and before they could leave he shouted “Hey! how would you to feel about making some quick cash?” he pulled a wad of money from his coat pockets and saw the kid’s eyes bulge out and nod profusely and he sighed of relief that’s how he’d get him home.

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Kaz wasn’t stupid no matter how harmless he thought the kids were he still hadn’t led them to where they actually sleep but to a bar that was a little far from their rented apartment but he can drag him there himself easily,

Jesper was still knocked out even when the kids dropped him on the sofa inside the bar, taking their money and hurrying out and he had no idea what time it was, he checked Jesper’s phone noticing just now Inej’s missed calls so he took his own phone out and sent her a quick message.

“I got him he’s fine” sent.

He hated how he knew already she’d gloat about him caring and going after Jesper when they see each other tomorrow but for now he just wanted to fucking sleep, He was exhausted to the bone because contrary to what his crew thought of him,

I'm convinced you’re an alien,

Nah hes a vampire ,

No guys you got it wrong he’s definitely the devil .

He chuckled at the memory of what they thought of him because he really was just human and that should be more terrifying than anything they all thought about him.

Jesper's eyes snapped open, and he jolted awake, nearly falling off the sofa if not for a gloved hand gripping his bicep.

Confusion washed over him as he scanned his surroundings. "When did I get here?" he mused, wincing as he touched his sore face. "Was I punched?" he asked, turning to see Kaz offering a nonchalant shrug.

“I told you i won’t repeat  myself” Kaz said deciding the truth was the best option here... or was it ...

“SO YOU FUCKING PUNCH ME” Jesper shouted and yeah he probably deserved more than that. Kaz, composed, simply nodded. "I'll do it again if your recklessness persists," Kaz warned, Unwaveringly focused on Jesper, who seethed and staggered.

“So getting drunk is reckless now? like you haven’t done it! ” Jesper seethed at him

“Well i never disappeared and I'm never unarmed while drunk out of my mind... come on Jesper you’re not that stupid you know we have enemies that are just waiting for your moment of weakness!!” Kaz said he knew they weren’t well known because they didn’t want to but only those they wanted to know them did, To remember them to fear them and those were dangerous, they always wanted revenge that’s why this was so fucking reckless of Jesper.

Jesper snorted. “pft please like you care” and Kaz tensed was this what this whole thing was about? Jesper thought he didn’t trust him or care about him? great how the fuck is he supposed to fix that now?

Inej , yeah Inej can fix this but now he needs to get them to their room, They lived in a rented apartment it was the safest option rent two rooms opposite each other, they both lived in one room and Inej was in the opposite it just seemed more sensible, Since they all came from broken homes it was hard for them to get used to settling in one place much less being roommates with someone,

Kaz remembered when they met exactly four years ago he couldn’t believe they were just 15 years old all lost trying to survive the streets, as soon as he laid his eyes on Inej and Jesper he decided he wanted them safe and happy with a warm home and food in their stomachs and now he made sure he did exactly that. Well...except the happy part.

Jesper took another breath ready to scream at Kaz again cause how the fuck dare he until he really looked at him, His breathing seemed irregular and he kept inhaling shallow out of rhythm breathes.

His eyes barely kept open, he was gripping his cain too hard he was almost shaking, there was dried blood splattered on him mostly on his shoes making him remember that dumbass guy and how Kaz stood in front of the gun for him, he seems to be in so much pain and yet didn’t show it or spoke it.

Just like that his anger started to fade slowly and he cursed his damn feelings and how so much unexplainable feelings would vanish when it came to Kaz, it couldn’t been easy for him to walk all that way using his cain, fuck.

Jesper hung his head and deflated his shoulders “Fine can we just go now” he said not daring to meet Kaz’s eyes, only seeing a slight nod in his peripheral vision

“Wait!” Jesper called out

Kaz put his head in his hands in frustration “Ughh god what now Jesper!”

“We should, we should call a cab” Jesper said reluctantly, both knowing what the implication was, Kaz scoffed shaking his head and didn’t reply and started walking again, Jesper mumbled “Ok fuck me i guess” and he followed.