Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Change is inevitable. Change is a part of life, but that doesn't mean it can't be intimidating. Many changes have happened over a short period of time for the collective. Their number of followers have grown exponentially overnight, tours and rituals were constant. Now please don't mistake my words for complaint however, the four vessels are grateful and welcomed this change with open arms. But even as the vessels for an ancient god, they were still only human. Mostly.

The move has been the biggest adjustment so far. Vessel anticipated it for weeks leading up to the actual move, having seen glimpses of the ancient building in dreams sent by Sleep. A dark eerie pine forest, a grove hidden in a swath of trees older than the English language itself; every glimpse of this place that Vessel saw made him both excited and nervous at the same time.

The house itself- a manor? Mansion? Whatever you might call it, it was the collectives new home. Built from dark wood and stone it stood proud yet withered. All four of them can remember their first day at the manor well- they spent barely a week packing and preparing when they all got the message from Sleep that it was time. In a shared dream Sleep guided them to the wilting walls, Sleep presenting Themself as a black flamingo that walked along a star lined path to the manor. That dream showed them every detail of the home, yet they were all still stunned when they first arrived. Vessel could feel Sleep's presence around them the entire time, whether it be a soft breeze or barely audible whisper in his ear. They were there with them. Their very presence emanated from the house, seeping from every stone and crack in the walls.
The house itself was cold, not quite empty but not having been lived in for quite some time. Old furniture still remained, coated in a thick layer of dust. Stray leaves and dirt littered the floor, the black iridescent feathers stuck out the most though. Vessel still kept a few of those feathers in a small vase in his room, taking them as a sign from Sleep.

III dropped his duffle bag at the door and wandered inside, his hands stuffed in his pockets.
He let out a long whistle as he looked around,
“Would it be disrespectful if I said this place looks like shite?” He looked back over his shoulder at the other three,
“Eh..I mean you wouldn't be wrong” IV shrugged.
“Well, I'm taking first pick of bedrooms.” II declared as he walked off to the staircase that led to the second floor.
Vessel let out a breath and watched as III and IV went off to explore the house more.
“Oi! Don't walk off yet, I need you to help me bring things in!” Vessel called after them but III was already getting himself lost in the twisting halls of the home.
Then from somewhere upstairs II yelled down,
“The bathroom up here is fuckin’ huge!!”
“Did Sleep happen to mention if this place has Wifi?” III called out just a moment later, IV simultaneously calling up to II to ask if there was a hot tub.
All Vessel could think is that these 3 could be idiots sometimes, but Sleep help him they were his idiots.

Chapter Text

Vessel sat down on his bed, boxes were still stacked in the corner of his room and old food cartons stacked on those boxes. The house was clean of all the dust and dirt, they had plenty of food, the moving vans came on time and all of their instruments and equipment were set up in a room on the east side of the house where they could practice. Everything was going perfectly, everything was perfect.
Everything was just perfect.
Everything. Was. Perfect.
Vessel rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head, why- why does he feel like this? This isn't how he should feel. There was a tightness in the back of his chest, like cold claws gripping his lungs and throat. The sensation crept up his neck and into his jaw, his muscles tensing up.
The corners of his eyes started to feel tight as well, stinging too. Then he felt something hot roll down his cheeks.
He was crying.
Why was he crying?
This was good wasn't it? The move was a good thing, a gift from Sleep, so why is he crying?
He choked back a sob and covered his mouth with his hand.
Why is he crying?

He squeezed his eyes shut but the tears wouldn't stop, rolling into the spot under his nose and above his upper lip and leaking down to the corner of his mouth so that he could taste the salty liquid.
He wrapped an arm around his midsection and curled in on himself, his chest tightening even more.
Stop.
Why cant he stop?
What reason does he have to feel so- so upset? He doesn't even know why he feels like this; stress from the move? Did he just need to cry?
But he didn't have a reason to cry. In Vessel's mind he hadn't experienced anything recently that warrants him to feel this way.

Shut up

Shut up

Shut up

What if the others heard him? What if they could feel it through their bond? God's no, he didn't need to burden them like this, they were all stressed from the move too, they didn't need him adding to it by being dramatic-

“Ves? Love are you in there?”
It was II.
Shit.

“I'm fi-ne” His voice caught in his throat when he said fine and he immediately covered his mouth again.
Vessel could hear II put his hand on the doorknob.
“Can I come in?”

Vessel hesitated and II took that as enough reason to enter. His eyes immediately went to Vessel's face, how all six of his eyes were filled with tears and red and puffy.
“Oh hun..hun what's wrong?” II sat beside Vessel, placing a hand on his back.

Vessel tried to talk but the muscles in his jaw refused to loosen enough to let him speak. That tight feeling gripped the back of his mouth, throat, and chest, he felt frozen.
Vessel squeezed his arms, curling up on himself more. II could feel the distress rolling off of Vessel like waves, rippling through their bond. III and IV must have felt it because they were upstairs immediately. III kneeled in front of Vessel to try and see his face and IV sat on his other side.

“Love what's wrong?” III asked, looking to II for answers.
“I-I don't know, he won't answer me” II said, equally as worried.

“Darling, can you move?” IV asked gently but the only response Vessel could muster was a short, weak sound that almost sounded like a sob.

Vessel tried to move his hands but they felt locked in place, like he was stone. He wanted to sit up but he couldn't, all his bones and muscles felt rigid and stiff. II said something but Vessel couldn't tell what it was.

“Vessel?”

“Love, look at me, please”

“Darling it's okay, just breathe”

He didn't know who was saying what but he managed to breathe in through his nose, something he apparently hadn't been doing because it felt good to breathe.

“Good darling, that's good, can you do it again? Can you breathe with me?”
He thinks it's II talking? Or maybe IV, he can't tell. He felt someone's hands cup his face, fingers gently rubbing his cheeks and jaw.
Vessel tried to relax but he couldn't, he felt stuck.

“Shh, it's okay love, we've got you, it's okay”

“Breathe, just breathe”

Vessel didn't know how long he was like that but eventually his body felt so exhausted from staying locked up like that he began to shake. II pulled him against his chest, the smaller man running his fingers through his hair and kissing the top of his head.
“It's okay, you're okay”
IV scooted over and began to gently rub Vessel's shoulder.

“Just keep breathing love, you're doing great.” IV encouraged him softly, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.
III, still kneeling in front of Vessel on the floor, rubbed Vessel's hands and managed to pry them off his arms so Vessel wouldn't scratch himself. III held his hands, placing kisses along his knuckles until he felt the tendons in his hands start to relax. After a few more minutes of this Vessel's shoulders began to gradually relax, and then his back, and then his arms, his legs, chest, and finally his jaw. He felt like an old door that had finally been oiled after a decade of built up rust had covered his joints.
He sighed heavily, the shaking stopped and he closed his eyes for a moment.

“How do you feel?” II whispered against his hair,
“..mm..” All he could muster in response was a short hum and slight nod.

“Can you breathe okay?”
He gave another slight nod.

“Good, you did so good” II whispered, pressing soft kisses to his temple and rubbing circles into his back.

“Do you wanna talk?” IV asked,
“Can you talk?” He added quickly.

Vessel paused and shrugged slightly, giving IV a look that said ‘I'm not sure’.
“That's okay” IV said.

“Do you wanna stay here? We can all lay down and get cuddled up, get some tea?” III suggested, gently caressing Vessel's cheek. Vessel sighed and nodded eagerly, closing all but two of his eyes as exhaustion washed over him.
“I'll go put the kettle on, you get comfy here, okay?” IV said with a sweet smile before standing up and walking quietly out of the room and down to the kitchen. III and II arranged the pillows so that II could lay down in the middle with Vessel on his chest, and IV and III could fit on either side.
III offered Vessel a change of clothes into a baggy t-shirt and fluffy pajama pants which the singer happily agreed to. II and III also changed into pajamas before they all cuddled up onto the bed. Vessel had a king sized bed so it fit all four of them comfortably. He laid on II's chest, almost dozing off when IV came back with a tray of mugs with steaming tea. III and II each took one and IV handed one to Vessel. The warm liquid felt like honey on Vessel’s throat, soothing the tightness and any stiffness that lingered.

IV quickly got changed before snuggling up on II and Vessel's other side. Vessel didn't have the energy to talk so they all silently agreed to talk about it in the morning. Vessel tried to apologized but was quickly stopped and told to;
“hush up now, don't even start that kind of talk and get some sleep” by II. Vessel obliged and let his eyes drift shut. Soon enough all of them were sleeping soundly in a pile of soft blankets, weighted blankets, squishmallows, and gentle snores.
Vessel knew they'd have a lot of questions in the morning but right now he was just focused on the soft beat of II's heart and breathing, IV's snores, and III’s lanky limbs moving around every few minutes until he found a comfortable position.

Chapter Text

II woke with a splitting headache as dim light filtering in the half inch of space between his blackout curtains and the window.
He knew those would be too short.
He closed his eyes again and let out a short breath.
God damn their stomach hurt. They knew those street tacos were no good.
He whined and scrunched up his face, curling up on his side.

They had all decided on take out for dinner last night, from a place they all really liked. II usually got a black bean burrito but decided to try the street tacos with IV. He should have stuck with the burrito.
For one, half the taco was red onions and cilantro. Two, II fucking hates cilantro cause to him it tastes like soap. But that's whatever, you can just take that stuff off right? Not a big deal. Turns out that restaurant doesn't know how to cook barbacoa for shit because he only managed to down 2 of the 3 small tacos before he felt like throwing up. IV actually liked the tacos so II didn't openly complain but he did go to bed early that night.
But still that taste- that sour- soapy taste stayed in the back of his throat, making him teeter on the edge of vomiting. The texture wasn't any better, chewy and slimy- they had to choke down what they did eat so they at least ate something.

II took in a breath and rubbed their eyes, the distant throbbing in their head growing closer. Feeling sick from the food made sense, but the headache? That just added salt to the wound.

Fuck what time is it?

He rolled over to his bedside table with a grunt and felt around with his hand until he felt the familiar shape of his phone case and picked it up.

10:00.

Fuck.

He missed breakfast. The breakfast he usually made for the others.

Shit.

He groaned and let his phone fall back to the bedside table and plopped their head down on their pillow.
Maybe the others haven't woken up yet? It's Saturday so..

“II? Darling, are you awake?” It was Vessel. God's his voice sounded angelic with this headache.

“Mm- ya” He said, forcing himself to sit up.

“Can I come in?”

He hummed in response and Vessel walked in, wearing the t-shirt and boxers he wore for pajamas.

“Sorry, I slept in,” II said with an apologetic yet weak smile.

“It's alright, no need to apologize.” Vessel sat down beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder and gently rubbing his thumb against II's dark grey skin.
“I'll be down in a few, just lemme get dressed”

“Do you feel ok?” Vessel asked after a beat.

“Hm?”

“You feel warm, like more than normal”

“Oh-”

“Your forehead, you feel a little hot”

II let out a breath and pulled away when Vessel tried to feel his forehead.
“I'm fine, I just- I guess dinner didn't sit well”

“Yea.. you didn't seem to like it all that much”

“It wasn't bad- just, not that good.” II leaned over so his shoulder was touching Vessels.

“Do you feel sick?” Vessel asked softly

II hesitated for a moment. Usually they were the one to help the others, to take care of them and cook for them and make sure they take care of themselves. He knows he deserves that care too, he knows that's what the others tell him at least. He just has trouble accepting it or admitting when he needs help.
“No, just got a little headache” They shrugged, pushing themself up to stand only to immediately fall back to the bed from a head rush. For a split second II's vision was like TV static and his hearing cut, then it all went back to normal.

“Hey whoa- what's wrong?” Vessel placed his hands on II's shoulder and elbow as he quickly sat- well fell- back down to the bed.
“II?”
The only response Vessel got was a groan as II waited for the head rush to pass.
“I'm fine” II forced himself to stand again.
“Just stood up too quickly.” Vessel reached out a hand but II brushed him off.
“ ‘m fine” He mumbled and walked out of his room. Vessel sat, unconvinced, before he stood up and walked after II. He didn't push it but he made sure to keep an eye on him.

Downstairs IV and III were trying to make breakfast. Emphasis on trying.
There was bacon in a pan and a stack of burnt pancakes on a plate. IV, wearing some boxers and a tank top, was trying to flip the bacon without burning himself. The bacon made a popping sound and IV jumped, hissing and shaking his hand.
“Ah shit-”
III was rummaging around the cabinets looking for more clean plates.
“Oh for fucks sake- where the bloody hell are all our plates?!”

“How should I know? You did dishes last” IV said as he placed the half burnt bacon on a paper towel.
“Nah, you did,” III protested, walking up behind IV and poking the back of his neck. IV swatted him away and the two continued bickering about who did the dishes last and then about who burnt the pancakes and something else II didn't bother listening to as he walked up and grabbed a stack of paper plates from the cupboard.

“We can use these” His voice was hoarse as he handed the plates to III.

“Oh- good morning sleeping beauty, you feelin ok?” III asked after hearing II's voice for the first time that day and placing a hand on II's shoulder.
“Yea I feel fine” II brushed his hand off and walked over to the coffee pot to grab a cup. His voice was harsher than he intended and he immediately felt bad but he just continued to fill his mug with coffee and walk off to the living room.
III winced at II's harsh tone and looked after him as he walked off. III gave Vessel a look and asked,
“He alright?”
“He says he is,” Vessel shrugged.
“Said he had a headache though so” They all shared a look but ultimately decided not to ask II about it.

II sat on the couch while Vessel tried to help IV and III salvage breakfast but that came to a screeching halt when the smoke alarm started to go off. II jumped, dropped his coffee, and hurriedly covered his ears. He could hear faint shouting from the kitchen, mostly III swearing he turned off the burner and Vessel trying to disperse the smoke by waving a hand towel around.
II squeezed his eyes shut as the alarm blared, making the pounding in his head 10 times worse than before. He gritted his teeth and held his hands as tightly against his ears as he could but it didn't help much. II groaned and raced upstairs, the action feeling like a blur in II's mind. He shut the door to his room and climbed into his bed. He groaned and burrowed under his blankets, still covering his ears. Still the sound wouldn't stop, beeping, beeping, beeping.

Where the hell are his headphones?

He searched frantically for his noise canceling headphones but couldn't find them.
“Fucking!-” He groaned again and slid down to the floor, leaning against his bed. They put their head in between their knees and gripped on tightly to their head as it swayed.
He made a noise that sounded like a muffled sob as his face screwed up into a mix of distress and nausea.
His stomach hurt.
Their head hurt.
Everything was too loud and they couldn't stop the noise or find his headphones to block it out and-

His stomach turned, making a sickly sound.
Oh for the love of Sleep, now? Right now?
He felt his mouth water in that way it does right before you vomit, like your body preparing itself for what's to come.
II scrambled to the small bathroom connected to his room but they barely made it past the door frame when their stomach contents came spewing out onto the floor.
Their throat and mouth stung, their eyes watered and they felt like they couldn't breathe as he held himself up against the door frame. His hands were shaky and bits of nasty snot dripped from his nostrils as the vomit tried to escape their body any way it could. He coughed and gasped, hot sticky tears rolling down his cheeks and mixing with the remnants of his dinner and few sips of coffee that now lay in a chunky puddle on the floor.
He could feel another wave of nausea coming on so they stumbled in the doorway- narrowly avoiding the pile of vomit- and collapsed at the toilet. They just opened the lid when more came, though all that really came up this time was stomach acid and saliva.
God's he hated throwing up.
It dribbled down his chin and tears mixed with it- he hated it. He hated the smell, the stinging feeling, the ache of his stomach- he hated it.

II just wanted to curl up on the bathroom floor and cry himself into Sleep's embrace. At least with Sleep he wouldn't feel so horrid.
He cried, shakily holding himself over the toilet in case he threw up again. His hair threatened to fall over his shoulder just he started to heave again when someone held his hair back.
He felt a warm hand press against his back and he coughed, another resting on his shoulder.

“It's alright love, we got you” Vessel spoke softly, kneeling on II's right side. III was on his left and IV was behind them holding their hair back.
II shuddered and whimpered, tears streaking his face. He didn't even realize the smoke alarm had stopped making that terrible noise.

“D'you feel like you're gonna be sick again?” III asked, rubbing II's back in a soothing rhythm.
II swallowed dryly, his throat stinging. They shook their head no and leaned back onto their knees. They tried to wipe their face clean with their hands but just got more spit and vomit on their hands.
“Here, I've got a rag,” Vessel said, pressing a damp cloth to II's face and wiping him clean. Vessel cupped II's cheek and used his thumb to caress the soft golden skin under his eye.
“Oh poor baby, I knew you looked sick..” Vessel muttered, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“Come here sweet thing, let's get you cleaned up” IV cooed, running his hand through II's hair and placing a kiss on the top of his head.

“..floor- I..” II mumbled, looking back at the spot in the doorway where he had puked the first time.
“Don't worry about it lovie, we'll take care of it” III assured them, reaching out to give II's hand a gentle squeeze.
“Let's just get you taken care of, ya?” III stood, his knees cracking as he did so, and helped II to his feet.
“Easy love.. there, you still feel okay?” II nodded slightly, IV and Vessel standing up as well.

“How about some 7-Up to settle your tummy? And some water so you don't get dehydrated” Vessel said, helping III lead II back to his bed. The drummer sat on the edge of his bed, his hands gripping the edge tightly.
II nodded, giving no verbal response this time. Vessel smiled softly and went off to the kitchen, then II reached out to him with a hand. II pointed to his ears and covered both with either hand.
“Headphones?”
II nodded.
“Right away darling” He smiled, nodded, and left, his footsteps quickly padding down the old staircase to the lower floor.

IV, who had been cleaning up the bathroom floor with wet rags and paper towels, walked over and sat beside II. He rubbed soothing circles into his back and pressed a soft kiss to his temple.
“How ya feelin?”
II shrugged, leaning over against IV. II felt a little better? At least most of the nausea was gone. But his headache persisted, the back of his eyes throbbing and his temples pounding.
He felt gross, sick, weak, tired, hot and cold at the same time, he just felt shity. They sighed and let their eyes close for a moment before IV spoke up again.
“How ‘bout a nice warm shower? Get all clean, get in some warm fuzzy pajamas, that sound good?” II looked up at him and smiled faintly. IV chuckled and kissed his cheek,
“That's our darling boy”

“I can throw some fresh pajamas in the dryer so they're all warm when you get done”
III said, sitting on II's other side who once again smiled and nodded.
III clapped his hands and hopped up,
“Right, won't be long!” He hurried out and downstairs to where the laundry room was. II and IV smiled fondly as he left, both having the same sweet look in their eyes as they watched him leave.
IV then got up and went to the bathroom to start the water and set out a towel for II. II stood, having to pause so he wouldn't get another head rush, before walking in behind him.
“If ya need something I'll just be in here” IV assured them as II got in the shower. The warm water felt nice against his skin, it felt good to wash away the sickly smell that clung to him.

II sighed softly and leaned his head back, his hands hanging limply at his sides.
This felt nice, he still had a headache but it wasn't pounding anymore. They washed off and then stepped out, wrapping themself in the fluffy towel IV had left out and stepping back into his room.
IV was making the bed, adding lots of pillows and blankets and III had YouTube pulled up on the TV and was looking for something to watch. Vessel was sitting beside III, humming in approval at any video that seemed interesting (animal/dinosaur documentaries, minecraft playthroughs) and shaking his head at any one that wasn't (unboxing/vlog type videos). There was a tray sitting on the bedside table with a glass of 7-Up, a glass of water, and a bowl of apple slices. When II walked out they all turned their attention to him and smiled.

“Feeling better?” Vessel asked, getting up and moving II's wet hair out of his face. II nodded and III held out some folded pajamas; a Bring Me The Horizon shirt that was IV's but that II always wore and some fluffy Batman pants. II accepted them gratefully, the clothes still warm to the touch. Once he was dressed he felt like a warm, fluffy, happy cloud. II climbed onto his bed and melted into a pile of warm clothes and tired bones.
III and IV chuckled, crawling up on either side of him and pulling II into their arms.
“Comfy?” Asked IV
“Mhm” II hummed, looking ready to pass out right then and there.
“Oh sweet baby, you look exhausted.. c'mon get under the covers” III lifted up the several layers of blankets and the three snuggled up under them.
Vessel scooted beside III and held out the glass of water to II.
“Here love, drink up, you need it” II, too tired to protest at this point, took the glass and took a few sips of the cool water. It felt nice against his throat, soothing any of the stinging feeling that was left. Though when he swallowed it only reminded him of how empty their stomach was and he reached out and made a grabbing motion with their hand at the bowl of apple slices and Vessel happily passed them to him.
They only ate a few slices because their stomach started to hurt again but it was enough to make them feel full again.

III turned on a minecraft video about surviving various horror mods and then settled back. II sunk into the pillows behind him, melting like butter. He felt so warm and soft and safe- it was pure bliss. Then III started running his hands through his hair and gently scratching his scalp which only added to the pure bliss II was in. They could die right then and there as the happiest person to ever live.