Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She met you first.

She fell in love with you first.

It was a fact she liked to repeat often. Especially when they’d all fight over you, especially when they’d forget their place.

She was a child back then, having moved to a new place in a new town with Gran and Caleb. At that time lots of things didn’t make sense to her (they still don’t), why couldn’t she remember anything about her life before then, or why did the people in her house always look at her with something brewing in the back of their eyes. It was too much for a child so she locked it all away, too stubborn to admit it was always in the back of her head. Maybe that’s why she had liked you so much, because it all seemed to melt away when you were around and all she seemed to think about was you.

You had been her neighbour, younger than Caleb and older than her. Your parents had knocked on their door, a day after they moved in. You had been behind them, holding hands with your brother, later she’d learn you were the older twin by a few minutes. It was clear from the look on your face that you didn’t want to be there. Gran had answered the door, with her and Caleb not far behind, curious to know who their first visitors were. Her eyes had been drawn to you, your parents were bright and happy and your brother was too but you were quiet and your face blank. Pretty, had been her first thought. Your hair was short, reaching above your shoulders, your facial features though not symmetrical blended well together, you were wearing a simple t-shirt and shorts (it was a hot day afterall). Having been so lost in her thoughts of you, she nearly failed to realise when your parents introduced their kids to them.

Your brother’s name she couldn’t be bothered to remember but your name gave her pause. She repeated it in her mind over and over again, she found she liked it but she liked saying it even more. When your gaze finally rested upon her, she had frozen. Your eyes were soft, It wasn’t like there was any malice in them or well…much of anything but they had pierced through her, like they saw everything, like they understood. Underneath the hot sun, they would glow, ready to ensnare any who dared to look into them, she thought you were a divine being the first time. Much later in life, you would ask her why she was so obsessed with your eyes, she wouldn’t tell you the real answer of course because how could she admit that she hated the idea of you looking at anyone but her, that she desired to keep you locked up so no one would look upon you?

After your first meeting, she had quickly latched onto you, she might have been a child but she could tell you had no desire to be around them so she would never give you the choice to leave. Your parents and Gran had smiled at the quick friendship that formed between the four, she with you and your brother with Caleb. She found herself seeking you out, you weren’t in the same class since you were older but you’d walk back and forth to school together and she was with you at lunch. She wanted to know everything about you, you kept your hair short since you played soccer (she was always there at your matches screaming in support), you liked doing your nails (she started doing yours and you, hers), you adored animals, you did have an evol but you didn’t like using it and you didn’t have a favourite colour or book or song or movie because you just simply liked too many things to have a favourite. You were well liked at school, pretty and smart and gentle and… okay she could go on all day about you. It was clear from the way you drew people in, it was something about you perhaps the wisdom or maturity in you that seemed to shock even adults, you had countless boys and girls confessing to you yet you rejected all of them with the excuse that you were way too old for them, confusing everyone since some were a year younger but most were actually older than you. She was liked too, they saw her as bright and bubbly but she still overheard talk about how she was like your shadow, constantly bothering you etc. It didn’t help that she would always be seen by your side, talking your ear off with you quiet but still listening. At first she ignored it all but over time it started to get to her a little.

School had ended about two hours ago and she had followed you into your house. Your room was organised and matched your personality but remnants of her were scattered all around. The wall by your desk was littered with photos of you and her from the first day you had met, all the matches she had attended, the concert she had taken you to a month ago, the vacation your parents had taken both her and Caleb to, and numerous close ups of the two of you on numerous occasions. On your bed were all the plushies she had won for you. “Stand back kitten, daddy’s got this,” she had joked, pushing you away from the machine at the arcade you both frequently visited. She made a show out of it, rolling up her sleeves and presenting you with the plushie, “For the lovely lady.” This had made you laugh as you took the toy from her and placed a kiss on her cheek, something that never failed to puff her up with pride, afterall your laughs weren’t exactly common. There was an area in your closet, filled with nail polish of all colours, along with charms and tools that the two of you had saved up for. There was a small cabinet you had turned into yarn storage, she had decorated it with gems after helping you paint it. She didn’t care for knitting but her closet was filled with the clothes you had made for her. Stored in your closet was also a spare blanket and two pillows meant for her only, since she was always over. On your bookshelf had been books about heart conditions, one day while the two of you were playing, she had fainted in front of you. She could still remember the look of horror on your face as you rushed towards her. The books had appeared after that.

It was the same for her too, you were everywhere in her room too. Her closet also had a blanket for you, it also had your actual clothes in there (she liked your scent on them), photos of you were everywhere, some of the makeup you used was on her vanity. It was a common occurrence for the two of you to just leave your things at the other’s. Tucked under her bed, was the box filled with beads from when she had gone through a jewelry making phase. She had made you a bracelet, it wasn’t pretty but it had her initials on it. You had taken the gift with a soft smile, gazing at it with a look in your eyes, you had then reached for the box and proceeded to make an identical one, except this one had your initials on it. Neither of you ever took the bracelets off.

She was laid all over your bed, talking animatedly about whatever she could while you were sitting at your desk, concentrating on your homework in front of you. Not a single sound had been coming from you, she wasn’t even sure you were listening. “...and then Samantha, oh you’ll never believe this…” she trailed off as doubts started creeping in, she slowly sat up and focused her attention on you, who was simply writing away. Was she annoying you? Did you find her annoying? What if you were only friends with her out of obligation? She couldn’t stop her thoughts from spiralling but she still heard the hum from you. You were looking at her with your head tilted in confusion.

“Why’d you stop? What did Samantha do?” Your question made her snap out of it, her mouth was open in shock, she couldn’t stop the question from escaping her lips. “You were listening?” Your eyebrows furrowed as you moved onto a look of disbelief. “Course I was, I like listening to you talk.”

That day she decided to ignore the instant barrage of emotions that erupted in her or how her heart seemed to beat so fast, her face a little flustered.

She looked around your room, coming to an realisation that other than the people in the photos everything else in your room had only the two of you. You had included her in all your hobbies and talents, she had helped you with decorating your room, you only shared your clothes and accessories with her, you even let her take all of your time. In that moment she had felt so stupid for ever doubting you.

“Okay so, Samantha…”

Of course, your friendship wasn’t without its obstacles. One being your brother and two being her brother-figure, Caleb. She couldn’t control her jealousy at your doting of your brother. He was very shy in life and a crybaby. Despite how close the two of you were, your affection was rare. It didn’t come naturally to you as it did for her, alot of the hugs and so on were initiated by her. Which was why she couldn’t handle how easily you’d take his hands into yours to comfort him, how you could place kisses on his head when you had never done so for her and most of all how quickly you’d leave her when he needed you. Which was all the time. The rational side of her tried to comfort her, he was your brother, your twin, she knew twins often had a special connection and this was evident in the way you seemed to communicate with your brother without even talking. It never worked though, she hated him. She was aware it was selfish and cruel of her to expect you to only give her attention but it didn’t stop her from desiring it anyway. The problem with Caleb occurred when she began to pull away from him, it didn’t help that he was older and often not around so naturally you became the person she’d go to when she needed something. He had become fast friends with your brother, his shy nature helped and the fact that your brother preferred men seemed to calm him down. She knew he never really liked you from the start, he noticed how smitten she was, but he always hid it from you until he didn’t. He knew it was childish to take his jealousy out on you but he couldn’t help it, his indifferent replies to you became colder, his empty gaze now seemed angry as he recalled all the times she would decline a hangout with him because she already had plans with you. He missed how she used to seek him out.

His behaviour caused you to pull away, you stopped showing up at their house as often and even started saying no to plans and pushing her towards him instead. You never took offence to his attitude, almost like you expected it, and that’s what she liked about you. Instead of getting angry like most (including her) would’ve, you instead understood him. You sat her down and explained that she needed to prioritise him as well, especially with all he’d done for her but she had refused to listen, picking a fight with him instead. After a couple days of her pouting and silent treatment, Caleb realised how sad she was with you not around and apologised, to you and her. From then on it became common for all three of you to hang out together, she was aware that Caleb still didn’t like you but he remained civil. Of course this would change later but that’s for another time.

Most nights, when she’d be curled up in her bed, she would lift her arm up and look at the gaudy bracelet on her wrist and she’d remember those times, when things were good but she was cursed to never have happiness for long.

She could never forget that day, she had gone to bed normally only to be woken up by Gran the next. It wasn’t until she heard sirens from outside, police and ambulance, that she shot up out of bed and rushed down. Gran had tried to stop her and warn her but it all blended into the background as she took in the scene in front of her. Yellow tape in front of your house, a blockade with officers standing guard to prevent any trespassing, many neighbours still in their pajamas were standing around, all of them confused. The only thing she saw was your brother on a stretcher, an oxygen mask on his face and covered in blood being rushed into an ambulance. It was all she needed to run towards you, she easily jumped over the tape as officers around her realised and tried to stop her. She got inside your house before she was stopped, an arm was around her and a gruff voice was speaking to her but she couldn’t concentrate. Your living room was covered in blood, the bodies of your parents were on the floor but you weren’t there. She didn’t remember much after that, it wasn’t until she felt Caleb’s hands on her face that she came to, back in her house with no clue how she got there. His face was filled with concern and questions were in his mouth. None of which she could answer anyways.

It took a day before they found out what had happened. Afterall, the neighbourhood was a safe one so naturally people became curious and it wasn’t long until the press showed up for coverage. In the night, while everyone was sleeping in their houses, a call from your phone had been placed to the authorities. Your voice in it was shaky but your words were in a whisper as you told the operator that there was someone in your house, you were only able to give your address before the call cut. When the police showed up and knocked on the door, no response came. They had no choice but to break the door down, two minutes later they requested for an ambulance and more officers. Your brother had been found, stab wounds all over, duct tape over his mouth but he had been alive, barely alive. Your parents weren’t so lucky. But you? You were gone. That had been the extent of all she knew for a while, until she became a hunter and was able to access the files on the investigation.

They had found someone else’s blood, and with how it matched your family’s, it was concluded that it was yours. Evidence of struggle was all over the place, primarily your scratches on the walls leading to the back door. The bracelet she had given had been ripped apart, the beads all over the room. You had been taken and it remained unsolved as to why. The person who wrote the report noted that whoever had done this was experienced and not alone, they had subdued your family to get you to not fight, one had to kill them and the other was probably holding you down. It was all done quickly, had it not been for your call, police wouldn’t have come so quickly and your brother likely would’ve been dead by the time someone noticed. Missing posters of you were put all over town and she got used to seeing your face on every news channel. She still kept a poster, tucked away in her desk drawer. After five years of no leads, you had been declared legally dead. The funeral had been small and she didn’t cry. Your gravestone was right next to your parent’s. While Caleb and your brother would return there from time to time she never visited. How could she cry and talk to you, if you weren’t in there?

She didn’t know what to feel. She was numb and for the first time in her life, she was quiet. She had gotten so used to your presence that she didn’t know what to do without you in her life. Each day seemed to just pass by with her frozen. The two of you were so close that people still asked her where her other half was before freezing, their eyes wide as they realised what they said with apologies shooting out of their mouths. Caleb was affected too, before your disappearance she saw the look in his eyes change towards you, she recognised it because she looked at you that way too. He had started teasing you, particularly about your height (you’d get mad at him since you were tall for your age and for a woman, it wasn’t your fault he was freakishly tall), he found joy in your reactions to your misfortune and so he had began to seek you out more. This didn’t go unnoticed by her but if there was one person she didn’t mind sharing you with, it was him. The two of them found solace in one another, they wouldn’t say anything but many nights were spent sitting side by side in silence, both of them looking at a picture of the three of you at Caleb’s high school graduation. You had shown up with a bouquet of hydrangeas mixed with daisies which had been her favourite flowers and lilies which had been yours. It was an odd combination but she thought it was beautiful and by the look on Caleb’s face, so did he. You had also gifted him a bracelet just as hideous, with yours and hers initials on it. “Didn’t want you to be left out,” you had teased.

The photo had Caleb in the middle, holding his certificate and your bouquet, you were on his right side and she was on his left. The both of you had intertwined your arms around his and all three of you had beaming smiles on your faces. Plans had been made for the summer since Caleb would be off to university and those plans had never come to fruition due to your disappearance.

The two often visited your brother at the hospital, he had fallen into a coma and sometimes she would stand over him wishing he had been taken and it was you there instead. A couple months later he would wake up and no memories of the night. She wasn’t sure what would happen to him since your grandparents were long gone and both your parents had been the only child in their families. But he had looked so much like you so she had begged Gran to take him in and she did. Your brother was a mess, she couldn’t blame him, he needed several months in recovery with physical therapy to learn how to walk again. His body was now forever changed, no longer healthy as it used to be, hospitals would now be a constant in his life. He didn’t have you anymore, so she stepped up, giving him the comfort you would have and to her surprise her care for him became genuine. Despite him being older she saw him as the younger brother she never had. Keeping up the tradition you had started, she had given him an ugly bracelet, this one had your initials and your parents. However later when she noticed the addition of her’s and Caleb’s, she refused to acknowledge the softness she felt.

As time passes, the wound you left behind on everyone never fades. They were all cowards however, cowards who refused to speak of you because then it would become real. They’d ignore how she had your clothes still refusing to wash them because your scent was on them, she’d ignore how a shirt of yours disappeared only to end up in Caleb’s closet or how your brother was now wearing your jacket, they would ignore any photos they came across of you in another’s room or how they all avoided all the things you enjoyed and how they would conveniently when the day you went missing would come around again. Instead they all forced themselves to move on. Caleb became a pilot, she a hunter and your brother an archivist. She reunited with Zayne, met Xavier and Rafayel. Your brother met his husband and at the wedding, three seats were left unoccupied in the front.

Everyone had always thought what you two had was friendship, sisterhood even, this included both you and her. It wasn’t until one of the university parties a friend had dragged her too, where she met a girl who looked similar to you, did she realise. She went to the girl’s dorm that night, refusing to look her in the eyes because it wouldn’t be you staring back, ignoring the moans escaping from the girl because they weren’t yours and having to bite down on the girl’s shoulder to stop herself from moaning your name instead. She left as soon as it was over, shame settling in her stomach, was this what she reduced you to? But she couldn’t stop herself anytime she found someone who reminded her of you.

In her weak moments when the pain of you got too much, she couldn’t stop her hand from wandering into her underwear, shivering as her fingers touched against her. Her thumb rubbing on her clit while her fingers moved in and out of her, her mind was occupied with thoughts of you. Her realisation of her feelings for you had awoken something in her. If you were still alive, how would you look? Would you still keep your hair short or would you let it grow out? Would the chubbiness of youth in your face disappear? Or would it remain? Would you get even taller? Would you continue soccer, gaining muscles (a shiver crept through her at the thought), or would you be lean, would you gain weight? She couldn’t stop her thoughts from becoming more sinful, she knew she should feel guilty but she didn’t. What would your body feel like against hers? Would you let her between your legs? Would you go between hers? Would you be sensitive when she’d feel all around your body, simply admiring the masterpiece that is you? Would you be more dominant? Or would you let her take the lead? Would you blush if she’d admit all the things she wanted to do to you? How would you feel if she revealed that she wanted to take you in front of anyone who thought they could be yours? It never took her long to finish to the thoughts of you and afterwards she would lie there before sobs overtook her body, she’d never get to know.

She’d often wonder what it was about you that had her trapped only to easily answer her own question. You saw her. You understood her in a way no one could, she would catch you looking at her sometimes, an expression of wonder on your face like you couldn’t believe she was real. She already knew she loved your eyes, she loved your hair, you didn’t like people touching it but you always allowed her. She loved how you adored getting fed by someone and also feeding someone, how you loved resting your head on her lap, she loved how important sleep was to you and how she used to find you sleeping in the most weird places (like a garden bed), she loved your smile and she loved your laugh. She loved how her name sounded when you said it and with that she adored your voice as well, it was melodic to her. She adored your love for baking, your dream had been to open your own bakery and she had promised to be your first customer to which you had replied, “Naturally.” She loved your horrible sense of humour. She loved your gentleness, not just towards her but towards the world. She loved how cryptic you could be sometimes, she could often see something dark in your eyes, like you had experienced some horrible things and sometimes you would ask her things like:

“Do you believe in past lives?”

“What if I told you none of this was real?”

“How do you feel about dragons?”

Most importantly, she loved how you saw her as her own person, someone capable. With her heart condition, she was used to being coddled by everyone, infantilised by her family but never with you. When she had revealed her dreams of being a hunter, she was asked to reconsider for her own well being but you had supported her with a smile and a look like you expected it (see? cryptic). When she got lectured by Gran and Caleb for beating up a group of boys that thought she’d be an easy target, you had fist bumped her and took her out to dinner because she had made you proud. You never second guessed her decisions and even in her more bratty moments you knew how to handle her. Later when she had met everyone else, she couldn’t help the pit in her stomach when they looked at her like that. Like she was everything, like they had been waiting for her for a long time, she didn’t like the expectations they had. She felt burdened by their unintentional emotions, it had never been like that with you. It was easy with you since you never looked at her like that, like you were desperate for her to remember you, to be with you in a way she never could. You had no expectations of her yet you let her into your life anyways.

So, how could you just leave her behind? How could you give her the privilege of knowing all that is you and then take it away.

Chapter Text

Caleb was the second one to meet you.

Caleb was also the first one to hate you.

No, you’re not leaving him so just stay by his side and he’ll spend the rest of his life making it up to you.

~~~~

When your parents first introduced you and your brother, he didn’t know what to think. His dislike actually occurred during your first meeting, when your eyes met. Later, he’d rationalise this due to how close you were with her but in reality he loathed every time you’d look at him like you knew him.

Who did you think you were? What gave you the right?

You were pretty, yes but there was something else. Almost like you were something new in this world, something that had never existed before. He supposes that’s why you caught attention everywhere you went, from your classmates, to his friends and to his frustration, hers .

Before you came into their life, she had only needed him. He knew it was selfish of him but after everything they had gone through, seeing her die over and over again, he truly believed that only he could understand her, take care of her and that she only needed him. But no matter how coldly he looked at you or how harsh his words were, you never got mad. Instead you would give him an understanding smile while you looked at him with pity which only made him more mad. 

Pity ? He didn’t need pity, especially from you .

So, then what was it? What was the catalyst that made him change his mind?

Well if we wanted to be more technical than it was the first time you met each other but his stubborn self would never admit this. No, this idiot finally acknowledged his feelings when you took care of him.

Caleb hated a lot of things. It’s only natural to go through life and develop distaste for certain things. Having to watch the one he loved die over and over again and not being able to do a thing was when he realised he detested being helpless. Which is why when he felt the dryness in his throat, the tears beginning to form in his eyes and the stuffiness in his nose…well he pretended to be perfectly fine.

See, Caleb was an actor. A very good one. He’s been fooling the people in his life his entire life. After all, they think he’s okay since he’s popular in school, girls like him, he plays basketball and gets good grades. Never mind that he still wakes up in the middle of the night from nightmares or the sheer exhaustion he feels at certain times.

Caleb was an actor. So good in fact that no one around him knows how to tell when he’s not okay. He’s fooled everyone. Well, except one that is.

You.

2 days into his cold and all he really wants to do is get in his bed and never wake up again. But she had wanted to go out for ice cream and who was he to deny her anything. They’d picked you up from the steps of your house because of course they did. She never went anywhere without you. The three of you fell into the same formation as always with her in the middle and you both by her side. The walk to the small area of numerous shops was only 20 minutes but those 20 minutes went by quickly with her around. She was like the sun, bright with a smile on her face as she talked with a smile on her face choosing to skip rather than walk with them. Her current obsession was owls. To summarise what she’d said, she learnt about them in class, the focus on the Blakiston Fish Owl, native to Linkon and very endangered. That’s why they’d caught her attention, he could only watch and smile, content to just listen to her.

“...that’s why owls have such good hearing…” He didn’t know why his attention drifted to you. If she was the sun then you were the moon. While she was loud and loved to talk, you were quiet with a few words escaping your mouth. While she represented the sun’s rays - warm and safe, you had the moon’s embrace - gentle and calm. You were by her side, smiling softly and occasionally quipping in with your own questions about the animal. Her hand was in yours, swinging it around as she talked. Even he could admit that the two of you meshed well. He felt like an intruder.

The dress you were wearing complemented you well, fitting against your body well, your hair had grown to the point you could tie it up letting him see the earrings he’d helped her pick out for you. Studs painted to look like a soccer ball. He’d gone to one of your matches (he was dragged there against his will) and he had even clapped a little when your team won (he’d rather drink bleach than admit he was hooked on the way you’d moved across the field). On your wrist was of course the matching bracelet you had. Forcing himself to look away, he put his attention back to her. 

The local grocery was named Aura’s Mart. The story behind the name was one of tragedy. The owner, a nice man named Felix named it after his deceased daughter, Aura. For all the advances society had accomplished in technology and medicine, she couldn’t be saved from the sudden aneurysm that struck. Felix’s wife followed a couple months later by her own hands. That’s why it had become an unspoken rule around the neighbourhood to only go to Aura’s Mart. 

Caleb never understood if the people genuinely didn’t realise or just pretended not to see the dead look in Felix’s eyes - now a husk of what he once was. All this only served as a reminder of him to never lose her, to never become like Felix.

Shame he’d never realised that he could lose you too, huh?

As they entered the shop, he tried not to grimace at the dead smile Felix gave them instead putting his focus on all the merchandise while the two of you went down to where the ice cream was. His eyes came across a brand of chips he knew you liked because they were spicy, he also saw the chocolate you preferred because they had a creaminess to them you had yet to find elsewhere. He knew a lot of things about you, he knew that despite you not being a fan of strawberries, you’d pick strawberry ice cream because it was the only thing you liked them in. He knew you loved rainy days, that you loved staring at the night sky and so much more. He didn’t have a choice as he had a habit of committing everything she would say to memory and you were her favourite topic.

The two of you walked right back to him, eyes trained on the bag in his hands. “What did you buy?” she asked in an excited tone, snatching the bag from him before he could even answer. “Hey, is this how you treat me after I buy you all your favourite snacks?” He grabbed onto her cheek but not pulling it too hard. She swatted his hands away, “Ugh get off!” 

She opened the bag and memorised the insides. “Oh, he even got your faves,” she told you. You looked at him in surprise. Why were you shocked? Did you think so low of him that you couldn’t even imagine him doing such a thing? But then the guilt settled into his stomach, he only had himself to blame for you thinking such things however before he could drown in his thoughts, you leaned your arm forward to hand him something. It was an extra ice cream cone he didn’t notice. “I remember you saying how much you liked this,” was all you said before you handed it over, strawberry ice cream in your other hand.

And even though his throat was killing him, Caleb ate the ice cream. 

Day 4 of his sickness and he finally got his wish. Short puffs of breath escaped him as he laid bundled up in his bed. The thick covers provided him respite despite the heat he felt throughout his entire body. She was out the whole day on a class trip and the old lady was away as well meaning he could let the act go and just relax. He thought he heard knocking on the front door before his eyes closed and sleep overtook.

When he woke up again he was disorientated not noticing immediately the cold cloth on his forehead until he reached up to rake his fingers through his hair. Taking the cloth off as confusion filled him. Shit she must have come home then, she saw him in this state. A quick glance at the clock on his nightstand read 11:00AM. Three hours. That’s all the sleep he got. The medicine, cough syrup and glass of water on his nightstand were a new addition. There’s no way it was her who was home, it’s way too early, he thought. Must be gran. 

He answered the knock on his door and you walked in. An option he never considered. “Good you’re up. I was beginning to get worried,” was all you said before walking over to his curtains opening them with the windows. The sudden light hurt his eyes, “What are you-Never mind why are you here?” he questioned while covering his eyes with hand. “And close those, too bright.” 

“No.”

“No?” He resembled a blowfish with the way his mouth hung open at your audacity.

“I said no.” Arms crossed in front of you as you took a stance. 

“Who do you think you are?” The sneer on his face should’ve broken your resolve. Should’ve. 

“Someone who noticed that you were being an idiot! I mean who pretends to be okay when they’re sick! You’re surrounded by people who care for you and here you are actively spitting in their faces. What if it wasn’t me who discovered you like this but her? How do you think she would’ve felt realising you were sick all this time and not only did she not notice but that you went out of your way to make it so?” 

Caleb could only stare at the anger on your face in awe. He’d never seen you angry before, he’d never heard you yell before. In fact he thought you were incapable of these things. He never understood your admirers before but as he looked at the scowl on your face, the venom in your eyes, your jaw tight with your fists clenched, he found you so beautiful. 

“Well?” you asked, eyes narrowing on him. 

“I think that’s the most I’ve heard you speak.” Your right eye twitched. He smiled.

With a huff, you stormed out of his room while he sat there processing everything that had occurred. 

After a couple of minutes trying to will his body to get up, he went downstairs and for the second time in one day, shocked by the domestic sight before him. There you were in the kitchen, standing before the stove which had a large pot on it, stirring the soup you were cooking. He could smell it in the air, delicious. 

“I didn’t know you could cook,” his voice was soft as he stared at your back. He’d learnt to cook so he could feed her everything she desired.

“My dad taught me.” You didn’t even turn around to answer. This was the first thing he learnt about you on his own.

He found himself taking slow steps towards you until he stopped close enough to touch. His eyes trained on how your shoulders tensed a little before relaxing. He was right behind you, fighting the urge to trace his fingers down your neck and feel your skin. Did you feel the tension too? 

He lowered his head right next to yours reaching out to hold onto the counter on either side of you, caging you in. “You never answered my question, you know? Why are you here?” words spoken right into your ear. “Why do you care if I’m sick?”

You sighed before turning your head not at all affected by how close your face was to his. Your eyes were focused right on his and the scowl had returned. “Don’t look too deep into it, Caleb.” His breath hitched as his eyes blew wide open, he can’t remember you ever saying his name and like a starving dog who’d been thrown a bone he wanted more. Say it again and again. Never stop saying it. Unaware of the turmoil inside him you continued, “I’d do this for anyone. You’re sick I can’t just leave you alone no matter how much you hate me.” 

As Caleb remained frozen, you turned off the stove and pushed his hand away to clear space. He obediently moved away. You walked to the cupboard where they stored the bowls, moving around as you got spoons and whatever else was necessary, feeling his heavy stare following you. You decided to ignore him, pouring soup into the bowl before setting it on the table. Even when you reached out to grab the sleeve of the jumper he was wearing, he said nothing as you guided him towards the table and sat him down on the chair. “Eat,” you said and so he did.

“I have to go work so I’m leaving but make sure to rest, okay?” you told him and all he could do was nod. He remembered something about you taking a casual job at the library, it suited you, he thought. He watched as you turned to leave and yet he wanted to beg for you to stay but insecurity stopped him. Why would you stay for him? 

“Ah, I completely forgot to say this,” you turned back around to face him again, determination all over your face. “If you continue to pretend like you’re fine around her then that’s all she’ll ever see you as. Let her see you at your worst, show her the different sides to you, let her into your flaws so she can experience your complexity. Then she’ll see you for what you are, a person like the rest of us. I know being seen as the strong and reliable Caleb is what’s easier for you but you’ll always be stuck here watching as she gets further and further away from you.” You walked away without giving him a chance to respond.

Caleb’s beginning to think you like leaving him speechless.

He’d learnt two things that day. One, he didn’t hate being helpless as much as he thought, not if it meant you would take care of him. And, two that he liked seeing emotions on your face. How would you look sad? Disgusted? Exhilarated? How would you look underneath him as he had his way with you, what sort of noises would you make, would you plead or beg?

Everyone noticed the change between the two of you. Suddenly, he was coming up to talk to you at school when you were by yourself (He still remembers the bewildered look on your face as you looked around trying to find her, thinking it was her he was talking to. He left you speechless that day), he was present at any of your matches he could go to, cheering your name along with her, picking you up and spinning you around when your team would win, how he had to have a hand on you at all times, the way his face would flush whenever your attention was on him and his constant teasing of you. The man would never let you have a moment of peace when he was around. Most importantly, they all noticed the way he looked at you. Purple eyes hazy with want as he looked at you like a man would at water he’d gone an entire day without. 

She was pipsqueak and you had become Shortcake. He found it hilarious to tease you about your height when you easily towered over most women and as a bonus it never failed to get you to give that look of annoyance as your lips curled and your fists would attack him. 

He made you regret ever taking care of him as it had become a common occurrence for him to seek you out for the smallest things.  

"Shortcake help me!" He'd scream barging into your room.

"What? What is it this time?' Would be your dry response.

Wounded by your lack of care, he'd pout. "Look I got stabbed." He'd tell you dead serious while showing the miniscule paper cut on his finger.

And despite the frustration that would build up in you, he always left your room with whatever wound cleaned and bandaged. 

Maybe he might have felt a little bad had you put up a fight against any of it. When he would lay his head on your lap, you’d look at him in annoyance before faltering at the vulnerable look in his eyes, threading your fingers through his hair giving him a gentle message which lulled him to sleep.

When he would wake up from a nightmare, he’d sneak into your room where oftentimes she would be present watching your sleeping form as her eyes moved to his. The first time it happened he was halfway through your window until his eyes came across the two of you, her smug smile against his sheepish expression at getting caught, she made a show of her fingers tracing the features on your face. An act of dominance, don’t forget who wanted her first . But she still relented and let him in. The next day when you woke up to the both of them on either side of you, crushing you completely in their hold…well you kicked them both off the bed in shock. Both of them sat on their knees looking up at you. Before you could even begin to question anything, the two rascals flashed their puppy eyes but not just any puppy eyes, no they used the ones that resembled a wounded puppy, their ultimate weapon and your ultimate weakness. 

Sighing as you rubbed the area between your eyebrows, already feeling the migraine coming your way. “I’m not mad, okay? Next time just ask,” you had said, shrieking when two pairs of arms tackled you back on the bed and the two crushing you once again. You could only gaze at the ceiling above you as one face nuzzled into the back of your neck and one into your chest, what has my life come too?

You just let them take whatever they wanted. 

Things got worse for Caleb as puberty smashed into him. Well some things were good, he grew even more (unfortunately for you), his voice got deeper. The problem was how aware he became of your body. Or more accurately how a certain body part became hyper aware of you. You smiled at him. Hard . You put your hair up. Hard . You kept it down. Hard . You - Hard . 

He tried to distance himself from you. You didn’t deserve to be reduced to this but that plan quickly went out the window:

“Do you hate me again?” It was the first time he’d seen you cry. It took everything to not rip out his own heart and give it to you as proof of his devotion. However a sick part of him was relieved to see the tears, for all the affection he showed towards you none had been reciprocated. He had tried not to let it get to him but he never knew if he mattered to you. As an apology he let you do his nails not before she had kicked his ass for making you cry.

As time went on, his body learnt to calm down around you, to clarify the desire never went away he just developed control. But of course you’d test him from time to time and the worst(best) part was that it was all unintentional from you.

It had been a hot day, made worse by the fact that he decided to play basketball. All he wanted to do was go home and take a shower. When he gets home, he hears music coming from her room, letting him know the bathroom was free. Poor, tired and sweaty Caleb had no idea what was awaiting him. Dumping his bag in his room and picking clothes to change into, he headed to the shower, still kind of pure. Upon opening the door, he’s greeted by an angelic view of ass. Specifically your ass. Ass that was (unfortunately) covered by a white towel, as you were bent over the tub, unplugging the blocker. His eyes trailed down to your naked legs, water dripping down on them. All poor, tired and sweaty and not so pure Caleb could do was swallow the lump in his throat. 

The sound of the door opening had alerted you and as you perked up and turned to face him, he let out a small groan. You were going to kill little Caleb and maybe big Caleb too. The towel hadn’t been as big as you’d like, covering only the lower half of your boobs and it didn’t fit around you perfectly, letting him take a peek at your stomach as well as your upper thigh. Your wet hair was still down as you couldn’t find a second towel. “Caleb?” he didn’t even hear you call out to him, his heavy gaze followed the bead of water that was currently running down your neck into the valley between your breasts. Silently, he stepped into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. “Caleb…?” you tried again, head tilted in confusion. Had this been a normal interaction he would’ve cooed at your cuteness. 

“Why are you here?” his voice was thick and calm in a scary way as he stepped even close towards you, half-lidded eyes with a stare right at your chest. “Oh,” you looked away, face flustered from embarrassment. “I slipped in mud so I had to clean up.” Slipping in mud had ruined your nonchalant reputation thankfully no one other than her had been around to see it but the embarrassment still stung. “Why are you here and not in your own house?” he tried again, this time gaze on you. He was close to losing control or perhaps he already did. “She told me to and I figured why not? I already keep clothes here. Sorry for not locking the door, I completely forgot.” You waved him off.

Your non-caring attitude was really starting to piss him off. You stood practically naked in front of him and he was struggling to not let it get to him and yet you were fine? Moving too fast for you to comprehend, he’s suddenly in front of you, your jaw in his hand and despite the tick in his jaw or his furrowed brows, he holds you like you’re made of glass. “Caleb? What a-” you’re cut off by his lips slamming into yours. The kiss is clumsy, hurried but it's harsh and passionate. He’s never kissed anyone before but he doesn’t care as his tongue explores you, he wants to consume you. You’re frozen until you’re not. When he feels your lips move against his, returning his love, he nearly melts. He hates when the need to breathe comes up, reluctantly removing his lips from yours, both his hands still cradling your face. The both of you are breathing heavy but your lips are wet from his assault and when your eyes filled with haziness meet his, it takes everything to not dive in again. 

But then reality crashes into you, your eyes snap in horror and you push him away. He can do nothing as you storm out the room and he’s left standing there. Realisation dawns on him that he might have ruined it all. You ignored him after that, no matter how hard he tried to seek you out, you never gave in. Life without you is torture. When she asks him what’s going on he doesn't respond. You find him one day after a long shift at work, sitting on the steps to your house. His graduation is a couple of months away and there’s no way he’s leaving without fixing this. He knows you’re about to tell him to leave with the look in your eyes but something stops you, probably the desperation on his face. The words in your mouth don’t come out causing you to look away in contemplation, with a sigh you sit down next to him. “What is it?” you ask. 

“I’m sorry,” is all he can say. Which is so fucking stupid of him since he’s been practising this big speech in front of his mirror for days but now before you he’s reduced into this. “I miss you,” is the second thing out of his mouth. “I shouldn’t have done that,” is the third. But I don’t regret it, should’ve been the fourth if he hadn’t been such a coward.

“You can’t do that again, Caleb. I refuse to be a stand in for her.” Your eyes are rock hard as you stare into his. His heart shatters into pieces - but it’s okay if it’s you doing it. He can’t believe you think so low of yourself, do you not see yourself? Why would you think it wasn’t you he was in love with? It’s you that never leaves his mind, you that makes his heart race, you that make everything better, it’s you that he imagines coming home, you that he wants a family with. It’s you he wants, it's been you since the moment you met. He never thought his love for her would come back to bite him because after you’d seen his devotion to her, how was he supposed to prove this to you. You would never believe him. And with these past couple of months of seeing you around but not being able to touch you have taught him anything is that he needs you in his life, no matter what role he has to play. 

So, instead he promises you to never cross that line again and he treats you like you’re only a friend to him.

Graduation comes around. You give him the beautiful bouquet and you accept him into your life by gifting him that bracelet. Then you went ahead and died. You had a habit of leaving him. 

When it all happened, he felt nothing. Even as she cried, not a single tear escaped him. He felt disgusted in himself, you had disappeared, you were taken so why was he not feeling anything?

He found that he could no longer look at the moon, he hated rainy days, he hated the colour of your hair and your eyes and he hated seeing them anywhere. Relief was all he felt as he packed his life away when his break had come to an end, going away to uni was his reprieve. Everything here reminded him of you. 

University had been the escape he needed, his life filled with tests and notes, too busy to think of you. It’s not until one night when he wakes up from a nightmare and gets up to find you, only to be confused by his dorm layout. This wasn’t his room…the tears don’t stop. No matter how hard he tries they won’t stop. It all falls onto him at once until he’s collapsed onto the floor, knees tucked into his chest as he grieves. He’s different after you, a bit more hardened. He thinks it would’ve been worse had it not been for her and your brother. His feelings toward her had changed, he’d taken your advice and he let her in. Their friendship had strengthened as a result and their shared feelings of you had never been an issue.

“I would’ve shared her with you,” she had said one day, visiting him at uni. They were laying outside on the grass just staring up at the sky in silence.

“I would’ve liked that,” he replied. It was true. 

They never discussed you again.

His relationship with your brother was tricky, they’d been closer when they were younger but grew apart as he found other people. Your brother was different than what he’s used to but it didn’t mean he didn’t care for him. He tried his best to be present at your brother’s appointments, he tried his best to care for him the way you had. Your brother was the most precious thing to you. It’s okay he’s not jealous (liar). She takes care of him better, he likes to pretend it’s because he’s never around but deep down he knows the truth. He looks too much like you and it hurts. 

Five years later, you’ve been declared legally dead. He wants nothing but to follow you.

Chapter Text

The building before him stood tall. The forest around it is filled with thick vines and trees even taller than the building itself. The best defense. It was a good idea to approach by foot, it would have never been discovered in the air as originally planned.

His jaw clenched when his eyes grazed the logo at the front. It felt like it was put there to mock him.

It was rare for him to lose his composure, he took pride in his reputation for being one step ahead but he had been these ghosts for months now and all he has to show for it is this building, this clearly abandoned building. He was a few days late.

He took notice of them when they first started their operations. It was not his concern. Until the vermin got confident and thought his people were theirs. He hoards all his things and thieves are never given mercy. Now , it was his problem. 

No matter, he’ll get them all. 

He could have sent his men to scout ahead but the lack of any leads had made him restless. It was pointless to go in, anything important was long gone but he stepped inside regardless. 

The tell-tale signs of abandonment were not present yet, no deterioration. The first room he stepped into was decorated as a normal lobby equipped with a reception desk and waiting chairs. The entire floor he explored was filled with rooms you’d find in any normal office building. A deception.

The elevator he comes across will not work. Luckily the generator he finds will. Clearly when they left, it was with the belief that it would be a while before this building was discovered. Did they leave because they had gotten whatever it was they needed, he wondered. Obviously they hadn’t expected him. Good , prey should never notice it was in danger.

Only the words, Lobby, floors 1-5 and Basement were listed inside the elevator. An employee’s key card was needed to access the basement but bypassing that was as easy as breathing. He knows he’s on the right track when it takes 2 entire minutes for the elevator to reach this “basement”. When the doors open, he smiles. There it is.

A long hallway stands before him, bare of anything but the flickering white lights above him and the walls leading to the door at the end. It slides open when he approaches, clearly whatever security system they had was disabled. Another sign that he’d find nothing. But what was he if not a stubborn bastard?

The first few rooms he comes across are all labs, clean with equipment all left behind. It’s pointless to check the computers whatever was on them was wiped clean. After entering the room he believes was the cafeteria, because even ruthless assholes needed to eat, he comes across a door with the label ‘EXPERIMENT CONTAINMENT ZONE’. Signs litter around it. 

‘DO NOT ENTER WITHOUT SECURITY PRESENT’ 

‘NEVER ENTER A ROOM UNLESS EXPERIMENT IS DETAINED’

And many more of similar wording. Oh, how I wonder what these experiments are , he rolled his eyes. Evil organisations never branched out. How boring.

There’s only five rooms inside. The first four are all open, ‘Experiment 01’ on the first door and so on. He stops before the fifth. The door is closed. Oh , his lips quirk, is Experiment 05 waiting for me? He activates his evol as the door opens and in a way he’s proven right. 

He’s seen many gruesome things in his lifetimes, it comes with the territory after all. The sight before is not that bad, he’s seen worse, inflicted worse even. So, then why does it shock him still? Why do his eyes widen a little, why does his heartbeat quicken as anger fills him, his hands shake as he clenches them. Why is he angry?

The girl on the floor is clearly dead. Her blood pooling around her is dry, she was killed a few days ago. Her eyes are closed and she is so still.

He steps closer, in a trance, she calls to him even in death. He kneels before her, careful not to touch. She had died in agony. It was not starvation that had killed her, evident by how her bones could be seen or even the scars all throughout her body, some new and some old. No, it was the deep slash across her throat that had done the job. He could see inside it. 

The anger in him swirls around his own body, it reaches out and covers his eyes so all he can see is red. The air thickens as his bloodlust seeps out.

Had his usual collected self been present, he might’ve wondered why the other experimentations were taken and why this one was left to die. He would have noticed how the body had still not gone through rigor mortis so that when his eyes stopped trailing her body and went back to her face, he would not have been shocked at the now open pair that bored into his. Rage was all he could see in them. The rest of her face hadn’t moved but her eyes told him everything.

I want to live. 

He had to move fast. 

Chapter Text

Zayne was the third one to meet you.

He was the first to see you as a friend.

He’s gone so long without you in his life, if you didn’t want this then you shouldn’t have come back into it. You no longer have a choice.

Each scar on your body tells a story. The noticeable one’s - all large and hideous and new - were the ones you hated. But the small ones that went unnoticed were the ones you adored.

There was the gash on your knee, you’d gotten it when you were a child, chasing her around in the park when you tripped. It hurt a lot but it was her who cried big crocodile tears as if she was the one experiencing the pain. 

“I’m so sorry,” cries the little girl in front of you, her face blurry. You can no longer remember her.

The gash had healed and now the affected skin on your knee was a shade lighter than yours. You would touch the area to ground yourself whether it was to forget for a moment what was happening or holding on tight to her, you didn’t know. 

The small burn on the inside of your right arm occurred when you took care of the idiot who was sick. You had stirred the soup a little too hard and the liquid that splashed on your skin stung.

“Why do you care if I’m sick?” The warm body around you asked. It took everything not to lean into it. The words were repeated in your own voice, you’d long forgotten what he sounded like.

There’s the jagged scar running across your left hand. When you trace over it, shivers go down your back as you can still feel the cold of the ice that had been embedded in it.

Blood runs out of your closed eyes, you can feel it inside, burning away at everything. Hazel eyes stare at you in horror but you’re too busy concentrating. He looks down at your entwined hands, where his ice has pierced your hand in retaliation but you don’t let go. He tries to escape but you don’t let go. He feels it then and he’s back under control. You’re left with a bloody face and ruined hand and all you can do is smile weakly before collapsing. You don’t remember his name.

You had been a fool to think that your rebirth into this game had been an atonement from the heavens. To make up for the shitty life you lived before. It had never occurred to you that this was your punishment. 

You were not a good person in your first life. You’d thought you changed in this one but reality slapped you, you hadn’t changed. You are not a good person in this life either.

Your first life was one of privilege. Everyone knows the trope well. Rich baby born into an unloving family. That had been your life. You grew up surrounded by nannies, who’d given up raising their own children to raise you instead. Your life was decided by your parents. Who your friends would be, what talents you were allowed to indulge in, none of it your choice down to the clothes you wore every day. Despite their control over your life, you never saw them much in the home you grew up in. The only people in and out of the house was the help, along with the teachers that had been hired to teach you a number of things, all given permission to beat you senseless if you either misbehaved or did not perform well. Your father was the one who inherited his family’s business so he was never around. Any free time he had went to his mistress. He never failed to question how your studies were going with the cold dead look in eyes, your answer could not be less than satisfactory. Any love he had went to his bastard son. Your mother was never home, the house was taken care of by the maids and you had your nannies. There was no need for her. So, she was always gone. When she was home, she looked at you like you didn’t even deserve to be even be the trash under her shoe. They were only present in the events they’d force you to. Their grip tight on you, a warning not to screw up, as they introduced you to others. Your introductions were never to show you off as a person but an object instead, meant to draw jealousy in others.

Like many unloved children, you became the best in everything to get your parents approval. But no matter how many awards you won, things you accomplished you would never be enough for them. They would only brag about you at these events and so you tried to make it enough.

As you matured, you learnt to keep everything inside but you could only go so long without an outlet.

You’d always look the other way whenever Stella would find a victim. Ha-eun would join her without contemplation. You’d known them since you were 5, having met them on a playdate. They were your assigned friends. You were all in the last year of high school now. Stella Morgan, who’s family founded one of the oldest banking institutions in the world and Ha-eun Choi whose parents were new to the scene, finding wealth in the shipping business. You didn’t like them. Not because they were awful people but because deep down you were just like them.

You were all very known around the school. A prestigious school where the children were all from prominent families. However that doesn’t mean that parasites didn’t make their way in. None of them even able to afford the food sold in the cafeteria but having no shame strutting around the hallways like they owned it. They were always the victims your friends found. You found no joy in violence so you simply stayed by the side lines, simply watching and never intervening. Until one day.

You don’t know why you kept watching her. A mere scholarship student, too poor to buy her way in like the rest of you. Did she think she was better than you? No, there was no way. You were the top student, partly due to your grades and partly due to the enormous donation your parents made annually. The building for science classes had your last name on it for a reason. 

Despite the company you kept, you were desired by everyone for a reason. You had the brain, you had the looks and you were captain of the basketball team - a team that had never lost under your leadership - becoming the pride of the school. You also knew how to charm anyone, leading to numerous hook-ups with faceless people that you can’t remember, just for a semblance of affection. 

So, then why the hell is this plain looking brat buried in your head? With her bleak black hair that she kept in its natural state and into a bun per the school rules and her dull brown eyes (you hated the way they light up when she answers a question correctly). Her skin seems to be the only good feature about her, it remains unblemished and her skin seems so smooth. Okay, you’ll admit it. She’s cute. It’s not until you wake up one night, panting and flushed, with the wetness between your legs that you realise you have a problem. 

You spend the rest of the night recalling the dream over and over again, with your fingers deep inside you until you lost count of how many times you came.

It’s too easy to charm the lady in administration into letting you access her files. Her name is Gianna. She’s 17, a year younger than you yet she will be graduating this year alongside you. Her birthday is on September 12th. A Virgo.

You spend a few days watching her, unsure how to approach which is new for you. The usual confidence you have fades whenever you get close. You get an in one day, school had ended and the girls wanted to go to a new place that had opened. Leaving your classroom, you walk over to where both Ha-eun and Stella had their last class when you come across them both standing over her while she’s sitting at her desk. With the way her face is downturned and her body is trembling, the conversation they’re having is not a pleasant one. It’s hard to control your anger.

You open the door with a loud bang causing all three heads to turn towards you. 

“Are you two done?” was all you said. You leaned against the doorway.

“Oh come on, Cap. Let us have our fun.” Stella whined, her nose crumbling as she childishly stomped her feet. She looked like a rat. Unfortunately for you, Stella thought acting like a baby was a cute thing just when you had foolishly thought she couldn’t get worse.

Ha-eun just stayed silent. She was the type to watch and analyse.

“I don’t care. I’m hungry. Let’s go.” They knew better than to keep you waiting, so Stella, with a huff, stomped out. Ha-eun just followed her.

You watched them leave before turning your attention to her. She still sat there, body no longer trembling but her teary gaze was on you. She watched you with her guard up, weary. Smart girl.

“Are you okay?” She doesn’t say anything in response but her glare hardens. Yeah, you thought, I wouldn’t trust me either. Knowing not to push it further, you turn and leave. The interaction stays on your mind, your friend’s blabbering fading into the background. The new place had horrible food.

Stella seems to have a vendetta against her after that but she never gets to fulfil it as you stop her every time. Your favouritism sparks their curiosity since you don’t step in for anyone else. They have yet to question you. Gianna’s guard around you crumbles eventually and you start spending lunch with her. She talks. A lot. It’s always mindless shit, it’s so annoying yet you always listen. It was another one of those days and you were watching her intensely or rather her mouth as she talked. An idea popped into your head and suddenly you leaned down and kissed her. It was quick, a peck nothing more but it stopped her dead in her tracks as she stared at you in shock, mouth wide open. 

You couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped you. Cute. 

Things sort of moved fast after that. Pecks turned into full kisses, full kisses turned into long make out sessions in storage cabinets around school. You liked the thrill of hiding your relationship after all no one could know you were dating someone so inferior.

You even met her parents. She introduced you as her girlfriend, the first time a label was put on what you two had. You liked it. Her parents were nice and supportive but watching them interact with her as they teased her had left you nauseous. You never liked seeing good parents. You hated when someone had something you could never have. But you swallowed it all down, for her.

She understood you well. When you explained why your relationship had to be a secret, why she could never meet your parents, or why she could never come to your house. You didn’t deserve her kindness. You’d even confided in her about your dislike for basketball, it took her by surprise until you explained that your parents had forced you away from soccer - too manly for their liking - as if basketball was any better. 

One day after constantly blowing them off, your friends confronted you at school. “Why are you always with her?” Ha-eun had interrogated you and by the way her eyes were narrowed, analysing every reaction you knew you had to throw them up. Luckily you had the purpose excuse. A cold smile overtook your face, one learnt straight from your mother. “How cruel would it be to get her trust only to throw it in her face that none of it was real?” It was a plan you had devised at first, when you had hated her for making you feel this way and you felt that she deserved to be punished for it. 

Because they were just like you, your friends believed it easily.

She was the one who introduced you to the game. She played it when it first came out and told you all about it. You question why she’d find joy in such a game, she tells you that it's a good escape from reality.

She had told you she wasn’t a virgin but was still largely inexperienced and with the way she’d gasp and throw her head back when you first dived in proved it all. She came the second you inserted a finger, her figure on the bed with her chest heaving, her breaths heavy as she came down from her high was a masterpiece that needed to be painted. Without a second thought you dove back down. Your first night together had been all about her and afterwards, she had cuddled into your chest, hands intertwined and promptly fell asleep. It was your favourite part after the sex, you weren’t used to staying but you had become addicted to the feel of her warm body against yours. Sometimes the two of you would talk, talk about running away from it all, together. 

You hated many things. One of them was listening to people complain about something they should be grateful to have. Especially if this one thing included parents. It was yet another day and once again Gianna was ranting about mindless things during lunch. “Ugh and my parents are so annoying. They always want to know what I’m doing, like let me be!” 

You’d grown annoyed at her comment, your thoughts drifting to your own parents. They would never…Your eyes widened. It was like the word ‘parents’ had snapped you out of your delusion.

What were you doing?

If your parents ever found out about your relationship…

You had no future with her. Your marriage was already set. You’ve already met your future husband, a pathetic little boy with too much power in his hands. You’d been so relieved when he was sent overseas for his studies. You had to put an end to this, make it so she’ll leave you alone and you had the perfect idea. Had you been a normal human being with even a drop of decency in you, you would’ve set her down and just communicated but no you were a despicable bitch, more than happy to destroy the ones you cared about to protect yourself.

You get up from the bench you had been seated on and walk away completely ignoring Gianna’s voice calling your name.

~~~

Her brown eyes stare at you, in tears. Her mouth is gagged, can’t have her run her mouth. Her plush body is forced into a kneel before you courtesy of Stella. Ha-eun is on the side, phone in hand ready to video it all. You’re sitting on a chair in front of her, the entire thing reminded you of those dramas you liked to watch. 

The tears fall as you tell her it was all a lie. You ignore how her face twists in heartbreak. Your voice is steady as you repeat all her secrets back to her, mockery in it clear for all to hear. She’s devastated, her sob’s too loud for the gag to do its job. This way no one will believe your relationship had been genuine. You nod at the two girls to stop and you all leave her behind. The video will be spread throughout the school but that’s just the first of it. You have to make her despise you, hate every fibre of your being so that she’ll leave far away from here after the year is over. 

You spend the rest of the school year making her life hell. And you don’t even lift a finger to do it, people around you were more than happy to contribute. Any class changes never made it to her, she’d show up to class and get in trouble for not having done an assignment that no one had let her know was due, it became frequent for her to find her things missing, only to show up later in a horrible state, no longer of any use. She tried to fight it by wearing a backpack at all times but even that couldn’t help. People would shove her in the hallways, pick on her and soon she became everyone’s personal victim. There was no way for any of this to trace back to you and even if it did, who would take her side? That was the goal, to make her realise how utterly alone she was.

You find yourself downloading the game one night. It sucks you in. Just like it did for her, it becomes an escape for you. Every banner is brought, every card is maxed out in levels, rank etc. Your affinity with the boys was high. You bought every item that was sold. It hurt when Caleb died, you liked him even for his short screen time. You get to the point of leaving the N109 zone before you’re reprimanded by your mother for playing the game. “It’s beneath you,” she had snarled, her nails digging into your skin. You never touch it again. 

~~

Graduation came and it was time for you to end it all. You cornered her in the empty hallway. She tried to escape your hold, yelling curses against you as she hit your chest. 

“Oh come on~ We were all just having fun! Can you just let it go already,” you purred, bringing your face close to hers. The thumping in your heart went ignored. You had no right anymore.

With a new found strength, she pushed your hands away, having snapped. “You know the one thing that’s kept me sane this year? Knowing that I get to leave this all behind. That I can go out and accomplish anything I want while you’ll be stuck here, as someone’s housewife. Have a nice life as an incubator. I pray I never see you again,” she hissed at you. Pushing your frozen body and leaving the hall. Leaving you behind as you wanted. You never see her again.

She hadn’t been wrong because that was the rest of your life. Shortly after you graduated university, you were married off. After all, the clothes you wore, the cars you drove, all the money you spent freely - none of it was yours - you had nothing. Your only purpose was to join your family with another. 

It was a cruel thing to be married to a mediocre man who believed he was everything. You were smarter than him but no one was interested in your value, not even your husband. He came from a richer family, you had no power over him. Your feelings didn’t matter as long as your families were happy. Which is why you're not sure if the car accident that had taken your life was truly an accident or caused by your own hand.

~~~

A wail pierces the silence. Your eyes open for the second time. 

It’s blurry. You struggle to keep your eyes open but the conversation around you is understood.

“It’s a girl,” a man says. You don’t like his hold on you. There’s something rubbery and wet on his hands, it’s a weird sensation. Your body is moved and the hands that hold you now are warm. They feel safe. 

You want to go back to sleep.

You’re cradled against a chest now. It’s easier to open your eyes so you do. It’s a woman staring back at you, her eyes are filled with tears and she’s cooing at you. She looks like she could be a distant relative of yours. A man stands next to her, his arms are around the railings of the bed she’s perched on. He’s bawling his eyes out. How pathetic. But he looks like you too. But then the woman lurches forward in pain and you’re quickly taken into the hands of another. You’re placed down on something soft.

“There’s another one,” yells the doctor in astonishment. You don’t see the confusion and panic on everyone’s faces, you don’t really understand what’s going on. There’s a wail in the air and everything is silent for a while.

“It’s a boy.” 

Later, your parents would explain that none of the scans done had shown a second child and how the hospital staff could never determine the gender of the child inside. They called your brother a miracle but you think it was you who wasn’t supposed to be born.

You are one year old when you become aware. The memories of your past life come back to you and now you’re a twenty-four year old in a one-year old’s body. It’s hell. You can’t even lift yourself up. It’s humiliating. You can’t even go to the toilet on your own. 

It’s… nice. Your parents in this life love you a lot. None of which you deserve. There’s only one thing you hate.

You stare at your brother. Your twin brother. He’s currently laid next to you, asleep. He’s been named Eiden but you call him Demon. You hate him. He cries all the time and he’s so needy. If you’re moved even a centimetre away from him, he’ll start wailing and his voice is so loud and shrill. If you had control over your arms, you’d slap him. It’s only much later when he learns to walk, simply to get to you with a smile on his face, that you think he might not be so bad.

It’s hard growing up with such an affectionate family. They hold nothing but love for you. Even when you throw tantrums, cause mayhem and get into fights with the other toddlers at school, you’re only reprimanded softly. You wait for them to yell at you, to hit you and you’re convinced that one day they’ll forget you even exist but it never comes. 

You act out because you feel guilty. You don’t deserve to be treated in this way, your parent’s in your first life had the right idea. Perhaps they had seen the monster you were. 

It’s even harder coming to terms with the privilege of your first life. When you’d first seen the five bedroom house you’d realised you were poor in this life. It wasn’t your fault! Your parent’s only had two cars, you could only go one vacation a year and they had to budget their life carefully. Yeah, you had a lot to unlearn… 

Your father is weird. He’s always goofing off. He’s practically your number one fan, always watching you with sparkling eyes, in awe of everything you do. He’s so affectionate, it’s suffocating. You don’t get how he managed to get with your mother.

He calls you his little flower and always makes sure to kiss you on the cheek every morning. You do anything he wants whenever he calls you by that nickname.

Your mother is your idol. You can’t help your admiration for her. She’s elegant. She’s intelligent. She’s so kind. She works as well, as a nurse. But even when she comes home exhausted from her long shifts, she smiles when she sees you.

She claims you’re her energy pill. Just a hug from you makes everything alright, she had said with eyes so soft that you couldn’t look at them.

Your brother is still clingy but you’re kinder to him now. He used to crawl into your bed every night since he was terrified of the dark, slowly he stopped as he got over his fear. You don’t admit to yourself that you miss it.

They’re all so overwhelming. You’re filled with emotions you don’t understand.

One night you’re lying in bed. Your body is in a fetal position with your head tucked closely to your legs. Everyone else in the house is asleep so you cry. It’s all you can do with the huge emotions you’ve been feeling. It’s got your heart as hostage and it’ll never let go. 

Your cries are too loud to hear your door opening and your mind is too cloudy to notice the little beady eyes staring at you. It’s until you feel soft fur by your head that you look up. It’s a plush toy. A white owl. One you recognise. What was his name again?

“Olly will comfort you,” Eiden’s voice is a whisper, his lips curled into a smile. “Don’t cry sissy, I'm here too.” He was confident that Olly would make you okay again, after all Olly helped him sleep in the dark!

But it only makes you cry louder and he deflates. 

His lips quiver and he’s joining you, upset that he had failed in making you smile. Your combined wails draw out your parents, who burst into your room. They rush to the both of you, your mother lifts you into her arms while your father checks on Ei. The safety of her arms only draws out more of your cries. 

This is why you’re crying in the first place. 

None of their worried questions are answered, the two of you simply cry yourselves to exhaustion, falling asleep in your parent’s arms. 

The next day you pretend everything is fine. You don’t miss the worried looks your parents send to each other but you simply comfort Ei and reassure him that you appreciated his help.

Olly is on your bed when you go to sleep that night. 

You promise yourself to become a better person, this is a second chance for you. To start over. To do the things you never could before. The kindness your family shows you is the example you follow. You become your brother’s protector. He’s emotionally and physically weak, his empathy makes him an easy target. You’ll keep him safe. (Liar)

It’s hard to let go of your old self but you think you’re slowly losing your grip.

Eventually, you get better at dealing with it but the guilt always stays. It’s with you right now, as you lay on the floor of the cold cage that has become your new home as you bleed out.

~~~

You see the robots everywhere. In hospitals, restaurants or simply accompanying people you walk by. You see the futuristic vibes, the lack of paper, the advanced tech that had been a dream once even the architect around you is new age. Despite your astonishment, you simply think that you have been reborn far into the future. You don’t comprehend that you’re in a different world entirely - one set in the game that had once bought you comfort - until you see your father use his evol. 

It happens one morning when he’s getting ready for work. He’s running late and he’s out the door when he forgets his car keys so with a simple flick of the wrist, they rush into his hands. It had been a shock, you were convinced your heart had stopped. 

Your father’s evol isn’t anything special. He can move small things around. Ei gets it too. Your mother doesn’t have one and as days go by and nothing changes for you, you think you’re the same. 

You had been in deep denial afterwards but the more you went outside and saw the world, the more you couldn’t deny it anymore. You don’t think you’ll ever come to terms with it. 

The city you’re living in isn’t called Linkon. Part of you is happy that you’re not part of the story but the other part can’t help but be disappointed. After some consideration, it’s for the best. Whatever MC goes through in the main story is rough, filled with heartache and you want no part of it. You don’t want to get close to them, it’ll just end with you hurt. 

At times you think about your existence in this world. You’re not meant to be here. That much becomes clear at the attention you catch. People stare at you wherever you go, they chalk it up to your beauty but you know the truth. They might be unaware of it but their minds realise that you’re not part of this world. 

You debate whether it’s your responsibility to help. You could save Caleb from his death, oh and the old granny too. You forget her name but she’s important to MC. There’s a newfound pity in you for MC, she clearly has a traumatic past, stuck with an aether core inside her, surrounded by people who knew her in past lives and whatever enemy she’ll go against in the main story. None of this had mattered to you back when this was just a game but now they’re no longer pixels on your screen, simply following the coding of the developers. No, now they are people, with their own thoughts and emotions, each of them dealing with horrific circumstances. Your worries seem so miniscule to theirs. 

Of course, the decision gets made for you when your parents announce you’re moving to Linkon. The hope of just simply living your life goes out the window. 

Then when you had foolishly deluded yourself that Linkon was a big city, chances of running into any of them were small, you move right next to the main character. 

Once again you comfort yourself that you’ll just avoi-and your parents have introduced you all to them and now MC won’t leave you alone. Great. Peachy , even! 

“Hi, I’m Mara,” she had introduced herself with a huge smile on her face. You analyse her. She looks nothing like the MC you had customized. She has long black hair with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes which are downturned with long eyelashes. They are a deep brown. Her skin is nearly the same colour as her eyes which took you by surprise. You expected her to look like what she did in the cards but you liked this much better.  

She ends up working her way into every detail of your life. Suddenly everything you do is with her in mind. You buy her favourites whenever you’re at the market. You see her favourite colour (pastel pink) in everything. All your things have become hers. She’s everywhere in your room. You find yourself researching as much as you can about aether cores, about her heart. You look for her in the crowd when you score a goal and she’s always there, screaming your name. It’s the first genuine friendship you’ve had. 

Caleb is difficult. He hates you. You were a little confused at his behaviour at first, your knowledge of him is limited after all. All you know is that they grew up together. You wave it off as simple jealousy, unaware of the history they have. It takes a while but he comes around. His immediate change in attitude takes a while to get used to. Whenever he annoys you or demands attention, you find yourself getting annoyed until you remember his future and you can’t help but give in. He’s not dying this time. (Liar)

You’re content to be their friend. To provide them comfort. To listen to their problems. To just simply be a shoulder to cry on.

At least you think you are.

~~~

Ironically - shortly after meeting them - your evol awakens. 

You had been simply bathing in the sun, sitting on the grass in your backyard. Your hand brushed over one spot and a little daisy sprouted out of nowhere. You felt it then, swimming around your body, in your blood. The rush drives your mind.

More . 

You’re in a trance. You feel your body move, your dance is not your own. 

When you come to, you’re hunched over on the same spot you were sitting on. You can’t move. All you see is your hands clenching down on the grass. Something drips down your face. It lands on the floor. A single drop of blood. 

Drip. Drip. Drip. 

It’s the only noise you can hear with the ringing in your ears.

 More blood follows. It doesn't stop.

Your face is bleeding.

You feel it then. A sick burning.

It’s in your stomach.

Tears run down your face. The pain is…your body is trying to consume you.

It’s in your heart.

It’s beating so fast, as if it’s trying to escape you, to save itself.

It’s in your throat.

Your mouth opens but all that escapes are gasps. 

It’s in your brain.

You think it’s melting. No. You can feel it melting. 

Finally you scream. 

~~~

When you come to, you’re laying in a hospital bed.

The brightness of the room gives you a headache. Your blanket is too itchy. It’s too cold. The breathing tube attached to your mouth is uncomfortable. 

The beeping of the heart machine lulls you back to sleep.

It’s the sensation of a hand petting your hair that wakes you up next. The hand is warm. Your eyes flutter open. 

Your father tries his best to give you a strong smile but you see the exhaustion in his face. He looks like he’s aged 10 years which is not a good thing as you discover that he will not age smoothly. A pity since he’s already so ugly. 

He continues petting your head. You go back to sleep.

When you wake up for the third time, it’s to a doctor shaking you awake. A woman with auburn curls. Her pink lips courtesy of lipstick, smile at you. It’s supposed to be comforting but you don’t trust her. She introduces herself as Dr Evans. The breathing tube is gone.

She explains that you were in the hospital for internal bleeding, your organs had been badly damaged and you had extensive brain damage, all a result of your body that had started compressing into itself. 

Wait, if I’m suffering from brain damage then why…?

“I’m sure you’re very confused right now. It’s all true. No one thought you were going to survive, ya know?” Dr Evans, told you with a grin.

She’s way too happy about this.

“We even hooked you up to a ventilator, you couldn’t even breathe. Your throat was crushed!” she continued. You didn’t like the manic look in her eyes. “Anyways, your family was informed that even with all the machines keeping you alive, you only had a few days to live. So imagine our surprise when on day three, your body starts healing itself!” She comes closer to you with that statement, her perfume is floral scented, a complete contrast to the psychopath you were convinced she was.

You attempt to speak but all that comes out is a hoarse grumble. Your throat feels so dry. She hands you a glass of water. You eye it wearily but the thirst wins over your suspicions. You swallow it all, your hold on the glass is shaky. 

Your chat with her continues. Your evol was the cause. Nature , she had named it. You could control any existing plant around you but you could also create them out of nothing.

It was a rule as old as time. You cannot bring life into existence with nothing in exchange. Your body had been too weak for the energy required so your life had been taken instead. She doesn’t have an answer as to why it healed you and you don’t tell her that you feel stronger than you ever did.

Your family greets you in tears and as you look at their faces, you promise them that you’ll never use it again. 

Something changes in you after, you can feel the vibrations in the ground. Sometimes it's a gentle hum, others it’s a mangled scream. As if the world itself is trying to communicate with you. 

A week later, you’re cleared to go home. You see it then. Your backyard is covered in plants, the tree your mother once complained was too gaudy was now standing tall, leaves a luscious green. All the dead plants have been replaced by thriving ones. There was even a vegetable garden and assortments of flowers everywhere.

None of them ever wither, even winter can’t shake them. 

That same night - in the comfort of your room, bundled up in your bed -  you grow a daisy on your hand. You wait all night for the pain. You’re still awake when the sun rises once again, your gaze has not moved from the flower in your hands but the pain never comes.

Oh.  

~~~

You remember vividly the night you had been taken.

Your parent’s eyes stare in horror as you’re dragged down the stairs. Their screams are muffled-

Liar.

You know nothing about those that have taken you. For however long you have been here, all you know is the four yellow walls surrounding you. This has been your home all this time. A small room with a creaky bed and a lumpy mattress. There’s a toilet and a sink to the side. The door is metal, from the thud that comes daily when your meal gets delivered, you can tell it’s thick. 

The one meal you’re given daily is a sloppy mess. You don’t know what’s in it but you eat it with no fight. Any fight you had was long gone. The meal isn’t enough to sustain you, especially with all you have to go through. It was a horrific thing, to see the fat on your body disappear. Now all you can see are your bones. It’s done on purpose, so you don’t fight back. There’s an itch on your neck, underneath the collar meant to suppress your evol, you can’t even scratch it since it’s designed to shock you if touched. 

There’s only two other rooms you see every day. After you’ve had your meal, you’re taken by security to a lab room where you take notice of the four other cells, you’ve yet to see another experiment. Dr Evans waits for you in the lab. She hasn’t uttered a single word to you no matter how much you yell or plead with her. Her job is to inject you. With what? You have no idea. 

You experience changes in your body, you develop excellent night vision, you can now hear the conversations outside the thick walls - none of them even remotely helpful - and for some reason, every move you make is silent. It’s debatable whether this is from the injection or because you weigh nothing now. 

The second room is the one where the torture takes place. You’re taken there after the injection. You’ve made a sick game out of it. You try to guess what will await you inside. One time it was a large tank of water, where you were drowned over and over again, held down by two people. Another time it was nothing and you had been left alone in there, you were confused as time just passed by until you were on your knees gasping for air that was gone. You had really thought your head was going to pop! Another time it was an electric shock machine, you liked it when it was this. You got to rest for a few days after, since your brain was liquid. Sometimes they’d get lazy and just beat you black and blue. Truly 1/10 on the creative scale. 

You don’t know what purpose the torture serves. That’s what makes you laugh. You still don’t know anything. You have no idea why your throat was slashed and why you were left for dead. 

It's so funny. Your collar has finally been removed but now you can’t even raise your hand to scratch at the itch. 

You lie there for a while. All you can do is stare at the wall and wait for your evol to heal you. 

I’m tired. You close your eyes and sleep.

When they open again, you see pools of crimson.

Chapter Text

Sylus was the fourth one to meet you.

He was the first to see the potential in you.

After all he has done for you, you still want to leave? If he has to fuck a baby in you to make you stay, he will.

~~~

The little bird was still asleep.

It had been three days since he rushed her to a trusted doctor who had not believed she could be saved, in fact he thought she was already dead. Sylus doesn’t blame him, he had thought the same but he still put a gun to his head and forced him to operate. 

The doctor, who had been convinced you were a lost cause, nearly dropped dead himself when he saw your chest move. It was impossible. You were still breathing. He was paid to be discreet but he couldn’t help the questions that came out, none of which the tall man in the room could answer. A fact he was already pissed about.

He can’t explain the anger that still courses inside him as he looks over her body, he’s never met her before even in all the centuries he’s lived. He can’t explain why he saved her, her body had been so frail in his arms, all he felt were her bones. Just a little pressure and she would snap in half. 

Something about her pulled him even now in her rest. His hand reaches out to caress her cheek and his finger lingers just above her skin. He remembers how it felt right to hold her in his arms. In shame, he pulls his hand back and shoves it deep into his pocket. The other hand follows, just in case. 

He prides himself in his ability to be unshaken but the woman before him has challenged his resolve every moment they’ve had together and she’s been asleep for all of them.

His gaze moved down to her neck, the injury had been too deep so it had to be stapled shut. When the wound starts closing up, they will be removed. Good . It was a barbaric sight. She didn’t deserve this. 

Maybe he’d be a little relaxed if that was all she had suffered from but the list seemed to never end as the doctor examined her. Her cranium was dented, her brain showed signs of extreme damage, her lungs were infected, her trachea looked like it was crushed over and over again, she kept experiencing arrhythmias so the doctor never left her side and her kidneys were damaged, due to lack of oxygen the doctor had theorised. 

She had endured intense electric shock, evidenced by the marks on her body. She had nerve damage and in these three days, she had developed cataracts. 

Her body had been bent, twisted and shattered and yet she still prevailed.

The two of them could not understand how she was still functioning when her physical form had given up. 

He had accepted that any answers would have to come from her. 

Unfortunately, time does not wait for anyone and he had many things to get done. He leaves the room, albeit reluctantly. 

~~~

He’s back by her side.

A week has now passed and she hasn’t moved an inch. 

There’s a feeding tube hooked into her stomach and an IV in her hand. They have to start small with the nutrients, too much too fast will be detrimental. Each day she looks a little better but it’ll take months, maybe even years for her body to go back to normal. He wonders what normal is for her.

Any free time is spent in her company. He finds himself reading while sitting in the room with her or he’ll bring his work with him. His constant disappearances are being noticed but he cannot find it in himself to particularly care. 

His eyes often find themselves looking upon her, the rise and fall of her chest is what he seeks. He can’t bring himself to touch her, no matter how much he shockingly wants to. She feels like an otherworldly being, too high for him to reach. She feels wrong .

But when has he ever cared about such things?

It’s clear the starvation has stunted her growth.

The air in the room thickens. People were being taken. Children . 

They were all going through this.

He gets up from his chair and leaves without a word. 

~~~

You’re convinced that this is all a dream.

You had expected the four familiar yellow walls to be the sight when you awoke. Not this makeshift hospital room before you. It took a while for your eyes to focus, you had to get accustomed to the headache. 

“Subject awake. Alerting staff on call.”

Ugh the technical voice of the robot did not help with the ache.

Its words barely register in your mind. Every little bit of focus you had was on trying to move. You take a deep breath and count the facts in your head.

Your entire body fucking hurts. 

There’s needles stuck in you everywhere. Okay, no ignore that. Needles bring up bad memories and you cannot freak out right now.

You had not imagined those red eyes.

And that someone must have brought you here. Wherever here was.

It’s not helping. You can’t get it in control. Your mind isn’t cooperating. The room you’re in isn’t helping. Everything in it fucking reminds you of that place. Your thoughts escalate.

You’re back there again.

You haven’t escaped.

They’ll put you back in the cage. 

The doctor had been shocked when an alert was dispatched on his watch, letting him know the girl was awake. Abandoning his lunch, he ran towards the room she was in. He opens the door with a bang. The girl was definitely awake, there was no doubt as she was sitting up on the bed, clutching her head in pain. 

He’s a doctor. A doctor who doesn’t exactly live in the best area. He’s done horrible things and worked for even more horrific people. He learnt a long time ago to not get attached and to not intervene. His pledge as a doctor means nothing here. But even he can’t help but be concerned for the girl in front of him.

“Miss…?” he attempted to call out. No response. 

He moved carefully towards her and gently reached out to touch her shoulder.

A hand on you is what snaps you out. You move your head towards the source. It’s a man. He’s old, wrinkles on his face and greying black hair. Your eyes move over him and rest on his white coat. 

A doctor.

Doctor…?

Dr Evans.

As the girl keeps eye contact with him, her face morphs. First it’s confusion. Then, there’s fear. It’s quickly combined with anger. He removes his hand from her, putting them up to show there’s nothing to fear while also taking a couple steps back. Something about her scares him. He’s in danger. His mouth moves on its own as he attempts to soothe her. It doesn’t work. 

You want him to die. He’s just another one. Another cog in the machine, easily replaced but you don’t care. He deserves to die. For all he’s done to you. You refuse to be the only one left shattered.

He hunches over in pain. Something sharp is inside him, it’s moving through his body trying to get out. He brings his hand to his mouth with a cough, when he removes it there’s blood on his palm. She’s going to kill him. 

There’s a warm hand around your wrist, when your mind catches up to your body you find yourself staring into those red eyes. You know him.

“I’d rather you not kill my doctor. He’s been working hard these last couple of days to heal you,” the voice belonging to the warm hand says. It allows you to close your eyes and breathe. It’s familiar and you find comfort in that. But then you become all too aware of the hand still on you and your eyes snap open and you rip your arm away. If it affects him, he doesn't show it. You don’t have it in you to be nice, the thought of being touched by anyone fills you with dread. Besides if he had been rough with even her upon their first meeting, who knows what his real reason for rescuing you even was? Had you left one prison just to enter another?

Just like the doctor, he takes a step away from you. Something in his eyes glints when you sag in relief. 

You’re all too aware of the eyes on you. It’s silent but then he breaks it.

“We’re leaving,” he turns to the doctor and ushers him out the door. “Get yourself together and knock on the door when you’re ready to talk,” he stares at you for a little while with his hand on the doorknob, half out the door. You hold his gaze, his lips quirk and he’s gone with the door closed behind him. 

Your mind is clear now. You push the blanket off you and you don’t even blink as you rip the needles out of you. Blood pours out but you feel nothing. It’ll heal on its own anyways . Your bare feet touch the cold marble floor. It’s welcomed. 

You use the bed to assist you, and slowly make your way towards the mirror in the room. It takes time, your legs are weak from days of unuse and starvation. You haven’t had access to a mirror all these years you’ve been taken. Not even a reflective surface. 

The girl that stares back at you looks pathetic. Disgust fills you as you stare into her eyes. You used to be something to be admired. She’s just bones, you have no idea how you can even stand. Your hair used to be your everything. You took pride in caring for it, the shine is gone. It’s grown in these years but the thickness of it is nowhere to be seen. Somehow this hurts more than the beatings you’ve endured. The spark that you had earned in this life is gone too. Your eyes look devoid of any emotions, the softness in your face she used to adore has disappeared. 

You find yourself slipping into those decrepitating thoughts. Would they be disgusted at you as well? Perhaps it's good that you’ve been labelled as dead. 

Your eyes drift over to your neck and your hand caresses the bandaged wound. You carefully unwind the bandages. The wound is deep, no shock there but it’s much better than before. It’s been closed up with stitches and in a couple of days, it’ll be healed enough for them to be removed. 

Despite your earlier breakdown, you’re numb when not a single sound escapes your mouth as you try to scream.

~~~

The silence has him on edge.

When he left her there, he expected screaming or the sound of things breaking as she processed her predicament.

It doesn’t feel real to see her awake. She had looked like a cornered animal, too busy focusing on killing the doctor to even notice him sneak up on her. She was powerful. Whatever she had tried to do to the doctor had left the man with internal bleeding. He was currently resting. She was a threat and yet he has no answer as to why he hadn’t put her down. That was the way he did his business, it didn’t matter how helpful someone or something could be, if it threatened his life, he would dispose of it. Yet the thought to even activate his evol or have a gun on him had never crossed his mind. He sighs, lifting a hand to his head. She’s barely been awake for an hour and she’s already causing so many problems. 

Her eyes had a hold on him. It was…profitable that she still had a fight in her. Yes. Profitable. She could be useful in other ways than just the information she held. He was a businessman after all. He’d mould her into his image, she could pay him back by becoming his tool. 

He found himself standing right by the door of the room she was in, leaning against the wall with arms crossed. 

A knock snaps him out of his thoughts. 

Chapter Text

May become canon.

She hated mornings. Hated letting go of sleep.

But she could get used to this.

The sun shone brightly through the window, its attention seemed to fixate solely on you. The rays made you glow like the angel she was convinced you were. She had no idea what good she must have done in her past life for this to become a normal occurrence. But the last few mornings were different.

She glanced down at your hand that was entwined with her. Even in sleep, the both of you refuse to let the other go. Your matching rings glint under the sun. A large smile blooms on her face as realisation sinks in.

We’re on our honeymoon.  

She thinks back to all the things you’ve endured to get here. All the struggle the two of you had gone through. How hard you had worked to open yourself to love. And now it was her job to make sure that love is all you would feel now.

She brings her body closer to you, no matter how much you would give her, it would never be enough. She nuzzles her face into your neck, peppering kisses into the skin. But she gets greedy and the kisses move from your neck to your face.

Your eyes flutter open. Sleep still has you in its hold, so you’re a little confused at the constant pressure on your face. But then you find yourself staring into your wife’s gaze. She has that smile that you adore on your face, her eyes closed and crinkling, crows feet forming underneath them. You stare in awe at the woman before you. The woman who despite all the man around her deemed you worthy of her love instead. 

“Morning angel~,” her husky morning voice has you clutching your thighs together. God, how you yearn for her. She must have noticed cause she lets out a giggle before capturing your lips with hers. She positions herself over you, straddling your waist. Her hands find yours once again and she spreads them open with her fingers before entwining them together. The kiss deepens as your tongues fight. She demands control and as always you give it to her. 

One hand moves down to your sleep shorts, tugging at the waistband. You raise your hips letting her move them down, she’s too impatient to fully remove them so they hang around your ankle. Her fingers immediately dip inside your underwear, making themselves at home. You gasp into her mouth when one slips inside, your cunt offers no resistance to the intrusion, a fact that makes her smirk against your lips. 

Needing to breathe, she removes her mouth from yours. Her finger curls, causing you to moan and arch your back, hands grasping at the bedsheet. The sight amuses her, you’ve always been so sensitive when she has her way with you.

She starts to thrust and without warning inserts a second finger in. Her mouth is back on your neck, determined to add even more marks to your body. She needs to remind everyone you meet that you’re taken. 

You don’t fight and instead bare your neck to her. Her possessiveness only makes you more wet. It’s hot when she gets like this.

“What a little slut you are, my angel,” she tuts against your neck. “So wet and willing for me~” 

Her eyes narrow when you're too busy moaning to respond.

Her other hand wraps around your neck, forcing your eyes to meet hers. “Answer me,” she sneers. 

It’s normal for her to get like this during sex and you know this is going to be a long morning. 

“Mhm I’m all yours,” you know exactly what to say. The response pleases her as her eyes get darker with a wicked smile on her face.

“What a good girl you are,” she coos, pressing a soft kiss on your lips, then your cheeks, forehead and eyes. She knows you adore kisses like these.

“And you’re all mine,” the fingers inside you thrust harshly at each word and soon you’re pushed over the edge.

She watches your face twist as you cum, her favourite part. As you lay panting on the bed - gaze still on her - she removes the fingers and starts licking away at them. You think you might just climax again as you watch her.

Her breakfast for the day. 

With a groan, you move to get off the bed and get the day started but you’re pushed back down. You look up at your wife, confused. She only responds by tearing your top open, so she can grope your breasts.

“You’re not going anywhere,” there’s a mischievous smile on her face. Oh you are screwed (literally). 

“Besides…”

“I haven’t made you scream my name yet.”

Chapter Text

Perhaps she was the apology he needed from this cruel world.

Your first year after your rescue had gone surprisingly well. You’ve settled into your new life well.

You had knocked on the door when you were ready and the two of you proceeded to have a one sided conversation, since you know your throat was slashed wide open so you couldn’t even talk. Just a reminder.  

~~~

He found himself glaring at the girl before him. At least she had the inkling to look a little sheepish at the development. He softens a little at the sight of you bundled up in the bed you had woken up in. The coldness of the room had begun to take its toll on your weak body, the temperature was adjusted accordingly. He knows it’s not your fault, that you’re just a victim but he needs something to blame and unfortunately you’re the only one around. 

“Wait here,” he tells you gruffly. He leaves the room to find a tablet so you could type your thoughts. But then he remembers how small your wrist had been in his hand, would you even have the strength to type? He pushes those thoughts away, he can’t afford to be gentle right now. It would just have to do. When the doctor wakes up, he’d have him examine you to determine if this was temporary or permanent. 

He comes back with a tablet which you take with no questions. It pleases him that you’re aware of your purpose. However, that’s quickly shot down.

“What’s the name of the organisation that took you?”

[I don’t know.] 

“Why did they take you, specifically?”

[I don’t know. I think it’s to do with my evol.]

“What is your evol?”

[I don’t know. I was told I could control plants but for some reason it doesn’t let me die.]

“What was their goal?”

[I don’t know. They just tortured me and injected something in me.]

When you hear a huff from the man, you want to chuck the tablet at his head. It's not your fault. Did he seriously expect the awful people that did this to you, to tell you every little detail of their plan. 

Oh here’s your daily dosage of the injection. Now just there all pretty while we explain to you why we’re doing this! 

The headache he’d been feeling before had become like a raging storm. The only lead he has, the one he has spent days waiting to wake and she can’t talk. So, he found a solution only to realise she doesn’t even know anything. If he believed in Gods, he would be convinced this was their doing. But no, this world has proven time and time again how much it hates him. 

Did she just roll her eyes at him? 

The girl turns over the tablet to face him, typing away. When it faces him, he sees the words, ‘Dr Patricia Evans’, on it. His eyebrow raises in a silent question.

It’s the doctor that would inject me. I first met her when I was admitted to the hospital after an incident with my evol. I should’ve died but my evol healed me. That’s probably when I was noticed. 

“Why didn’t you just tell me that from the start?”

The tablet in your hands goes flying at the wall, when he sees the words ‘You didn’t ask’ staring back at him. It now lies in pieces on the floor. 

You know you shouldn’t antagonise the very man that saved you from a cruel life and could kill you in fifty different ways but the truth is you’re tired. You’re over this. You didn’t ask to be put inside a damn game. You tried to be better. To be a good person. And look where that got you. 

His anger is scary. He’s staring at you with dead eyes and you can’t read him. Your usefulness has expired and you wonder if he’ll actually succeed in killing you.

You want to go back. Back to those four yellow walls. The realisation sinks in and leaves you mortified. It had become your home. A routine followed that was rarely diverted from. There you could simply sink further into your mind. But here? Here was unknown. Here you had to be awake and aware. 

Maybe he sees your inner struggle or most likely he needs space so you don’t end up like that tablet because he just leaves.

~~~

He comes back an hour later with another tablet and a bowl with porridge. Which you gobble up like the gremlin you are. You were starving!

If there was one thing you kept in both lives, it was always keeping good appearances but a lot changes when you’ve starved for years. You don’t care that he’s eyeing you as you scarf down the food, it’s not you that he’s in love with. Appearances don’t need to be kept when you already look like a rat anyways. 

You hand him back the empty bowl and spoon which he exchanges the tablet with. A scoff escapes him when you hug the tablet close to you.

“I can break as many as I want. I paid for them.”

You don’t respond. 

Oh wait you can’t.

He drags a chair from the corner of the room towards you, the screeching noise causes you to block your ears. Even without your extra sensitivity in your hearing, the noise would cause anyone’s ears to bleed. There’s a smug look on his face to your reaction. Crow bastard… 

He finally sits down in front of you.

“What’s your name?”

The question gives you pause. You can’t trust him. You’re not her. You’re just an unfortunate background character in her story. You begin to type on the tablet.

[You can call me Lilly.]

Unbeknownst to you, he’d seen all your reactions, your inner battle was easy to read. He’s not stupid, he knows the name is fake. But fine, if you want to be difficult, he’ll play along. 

Sylus simply nods and starts to ask more questions, all of which you’re careful in responding to and he makes sure to make you believe that he’s bought your lies.

All the recent drama has you tired and the meal in your stomach isn’t helping, so you find yourself drifting off.

Sylus is left with the familiar sight of you asleep. He stays and watches. 

Bird watching was a hobby of his after all. 

~~~

The doctor was inconclusive on your injury. He was fine after he woke up and despite his fear of you, he still examined you. He had no idea whether your body would heal properly or if you would ever speak again but he told you to rest your voice. You tried to talk after it and all that happened was your throat drying up and blood making its way out of your mouth. You haven’t spoken a single thing in the last year, not even a sound has escaped you. But it’s not of your own volition. 

A lot has changed in the last year. You now have access to his money and resources, so you’re well fed. It took months for your body to accustom to the normal amount of food that should be consumed daily. It hurt to see delicious food in front of you that you physically couldn’t eat. 

~~~

It’s dinner time. As usual you’re scarfing food down like you’re in a competition,

Three pairs of eyes watch you.

“Jeez, you eat like you just got out of prison-oh wait, you kinda did,” Luke says. He doesn't have to take the ugly mask off for you to see the smug grin under his face.

No longer armed with your words, you settle for a death glare instead. 

Sylus snorts, making sure to turn his head away when you give him a look of betrayal. Et tu?

It’s made worse when the third annoyance snatches a bunch of fries off your plate.

[Give that back before I break your fingers.] You type out.

“Don’t wanna, think of it as us helping you with portion control,” Kieran teases, shoving the fries into his mouth.

It’s silent as you furiously type on the tablet. The words are directed to Sylus.

[Can I kill them?]

“No.”

[Pretty please?]

~~~

You’ll forever be grateful to him. You had to watch your body deteriorate and now you get to watch it fix itself. You still remember the ugly tears you had cried when you saw your first weight gain. The sheer elation you had felt gave you hope for the first time in all these years. 

Maybe I’ll be okay. 

You start off each morning by staring at your reflection in the mirror. Your hair now is much longer, it reaches to your knees. One of the first things you had done in this life when growing up was to cut it. Something that mummy and daddy from the previous would’ve never allowed. The thought of growing it out used to gross you but now you’ve decided to stop running from your past. You’ve come to appreciate it long.

It’s healthier too. You’ve started applying oil to it every week, hell you even take hair supplements. It’s nowhere near as thick as it used to be but that's okay, if you’ve learnt anything these last years, it’s the ability to wait. The twins like to braid it from time to time and despite your fear of touch and the dislike of people touching your hair, you let them.

Your face is much fuller. You find yourself turning around and examining every part of your body. You nearly look like you again. It’s the greatest gift you’ve been given.

You try not to think anything of it when Sylus walks by you one day, stopping to give you a once over. He only lets out a hum of content before walking away. (He really likes walking away and you love watching him leave)

Your relationship with him is simply a transaction. He uses your gratefulness to manipulate you, so you’ve become his tool. You’re well aware of it. It was exactly the type of thing you would have done in your first life. Ironic that it is now you who is reduced to a pawn. But you don’t care, you have a purpose now. 

You’ve informed him of every single thing you know about when it comes to your evol. He’d been interested in the fact that you could feel the earth around you. The constant torture had left your body much stronger and as a result your endurance had doubled. You can feel the power inside you now. Plants sway when you walk by and you can feel them and manipulate them to your doing, it’s now as easy as breathing. You can also easily replicate what you had done to your backyard now with ease and to think the very notion had once taken your life.

But you don’t use it. 

You don’t know why but every time you try to, you’re left disgusted. So, its use is only left for emergencies.  

He doesn’t push you to use it either. Yet another thing you have to add to the long list of things you’re grateful to him for.

~~~

You follow the tall man.

If he feels your glare at his back, he says nothing.

Why does he have to be so damn tall???

It’s so difficult keeping up with him. Mr Daddy-Long-Legs is already down the corridor and you’re struggling to keep up with him. You only have one crutch holding you - you’re far too weak to use both - and the asshole isn’t exactly waiting for you. 

He can feel the little bird glaring at him.

He smirks when imagining the look on her face. What a feisty thing she is. Perhaps he’s struck gold.

It was clear that she was not comfortable with the room so a new plan had been devised. She’d live with him and her treatments can continue there. None of this had been told to her but it pleased him greatly when she followed him with no questions. 

He leads her to the car parked outside. Wordlessly, he takes the crutch from her and puts it in the backseat before opening the passenger’s door for her. Following his example, she gets in without a word. 

~~~

You stare in awe at the building in front of you.

It’s exactly the type of building where a vampire would reside.

You had to give it to him, the dragon had taste. 

You’d sooner waste years trying to find a way to die than let him know that. 

He leads you inside and gives you a tour, which you’re happy with since you had been too busy ogling him in the game to notice the surroundings back then. 

To no one’s surprise, his mansion is huge. You have half a mind to ask for a map. He leads you down a long corridor.

“This is your room. Try not to trash it,” he hums. You take time to look him over. He’s wearing a deep red suit.

He hands you something, you look at it. It’s a phone.

“My number is already saved there. Let me know if you need something.”

He’s so damn sexy in that outfit and that deep baritone of his voice isn’t helping. It takes everything you have not to jump him.

Don’t do it girl, it’s so not worth it.

Then he turns around and you find yourself staring at his butt.

No, it’s so worth it.

You really want to bang your head against the wall. This is the thanks you give your saviour??

“Oh and it’s not just you and me in this place.”

If fate had liked you even a little bit, then the white-haired man would not have noticed your mental struggle but the smirk on his stupid handsome face tells you that’s not the case.

You don’t bother acknowledging him, instead you open your room door and walk inside. Making sure to close the door behind you. 

The extra roommates are not a shock, you’re already aware of who they are.

If you could whistle you would. Goddamn the room is amazing. 

As much as you had tried to forget the money from your first life, a part of you felt relief upon seeing his wealth. You had missed it.

Your room in your first life was huge but it lacked soul. You had no happy memories to put on the walls. All your hobbies were ones you despised. You didn’t even bother putting up any trophies won from basketball or the academic awards you had won. Why would you when the right people never cared about them?

The furniture and decorations had been minimalist and not chosen by you. Your mother had called an interior decorator when you turned thirteen, a pudgy woman who hadn’t even talked to you and instead did what your mother wanted. You don’t blame the woman, she just listened to who had the money.

The room you had in this life wasn’t even half as big as your old one but you could tell it was lived in. The people you loved and in turn loved you were all over your walls. You had pride in all the things you had come to accomplish and your parents had entrusted you with the decoration. Something you had involved her in and she proved your judgement right by decorating it to your likes.

A small smile escapes you when you remember the millions of questions she had asked. Your parents had allocated you a budget, so instead of just outright buying the furniture you wanted, the two of you had to be smart and buy second hand. An option that had been entirely new to you. She had even goaded Caleb and…Zayne to help with reassembling everything. All four of you spent your school holidays cooped up in your room, bringing it all together. 

Unbeknownst to them, you had worked at a café to save up money for a fancy new place that had opened. You took them there as thanks. The boys dressed up in suits and you two in dresses. The staff had been amused but more than happy to accommodate four children. They had drained your bank account that night and you all had eaten way more than a child’s body could handle. All four of you were at sleep's door when your mother came to pick you up.

Your past self could never imagine having such fun. It’s why you hold that night close to your heart. 

You suppose this is now the third bedroom you’ve had. It’s big and spacious but not plain. There’s a big poster bed right in the middle. Purple silk sheets encase the mattress. You count six pillows on it. The big quilt is made of a fluffy texture, it’s soothing to run your hand over it. You can’t wait to sleep in it. 

There’s two nightstands to the sides of it. Black oak and each has three draws. Even the handles are fancy. You wouldn’t put it past him if they were actual gold. There’s a red velvet ottoman to the foot of the bed, you sit on it and take in the rest of the room. It doesn’t feel real.

There’s a sitting area, two red armchairs right in front of a fireplace. A small coffee table between them. The fireplace isn’t on and while it looks like something from your time, you can see that it’s new tech by the buttons on the side. There’s bookshelves as well but they are empty.

There’s a desk as well. The tech on it looks a little out of place compared to the decor. You had left the phone on there.

The only lights are coming from the vintage lamps on the nightstands but there are lights on the walls. They look like candle holders. There’s various artwork on the walls.

The room has two doors inside it. One is closed but the other is open. It’s a walk in wardrobe and you don’t have to physically go inside to see that it’s huge. There are no clothes in there.

Then the other door must be the bathroom.

Your feet feel the texture of the rug on the floor. Yet another soft thing. Some tears escape your eyes. It all feels so safe. 

How am I supposed to pay him back for all this?

It’s decided to worry about this later when you become all too aware of how grimy you feel. All you had in your cage was a sink to wash yourself and the doctor had wiped you down while you were asleep but that was over a week ago. 

You take a deep breath, will yourself to get up and slowly make your way to the closed door. You’re right, it is a bathroom. It has a cold marble floor and the walls are tiled. There’s a separate bath and shower and while the bath looks really comfortable, you don’t trust yourself to be safe around it. You settle for the shower instead. 

There’s adjustments that can be made to the room on the wall, you turn on the floor warming. Cold isn’t exactly good for your body. 

The bathroom is stocked, the sink cabinet has all sorts of hair tools. There’s skincare in the drawers, pads and tampons and more. The shampoo and conditioner is in the shower. The hospital gown is discarded.

The warm water that cascades down you is a solace. You just stand there, face right under the showerhead and let yourself feel. 

You have no idea how long you were in there but you come out a new woman. You had scrubbed yourself in every nook and cranny. There’s now no doubt that you’re clean. If only you felt that way inside.

You wrap yourself and your hair in a towel. It’s the soft and fluffy kind. You wouldn’t be surprised if it would cost an arm and a leg. Sylus only does the extreme.

The steam from the shower has the mirror all fogged up but it’s fixed with a wipe from your hand. The condensation still remains but you can see the girl in it clearly. It’s a small improvement. 

The start of many, you hope. 

~~~

Thirty minutes later, you’re all dried up and ready for bed. When you had exited your shower, you found a silk shirt and trousers on your bed. The discomfort was brushed off, you don’t mind being watched if you’re taken care of.

You’re in bed a mere five minutes later and despite the insomnia you had developed, you’re out like a light.

The exhaustion of the past years has finally caught up to you.

He watches her sleep on his phone, her peaceful expression puts him at ease. The camera’s had all been placed strategically, he’s excited about whether she’ll discover them. 

It’s dawned on him that she has nothing now and that she’ll have to rely on him satiates the sick man inside him.

“Sleep well, little bird.”

Dream of me.

~~~

It’s 8AM when you wake up the next day.

It’s hard to believe that you have finally gotten a full eight hours of sleep.

You’re not sure if the rest of the house is awake - if you remember right - their operations function at night. 

You’re a slave to your stomach so after quickly washing your face and brushing your teeth, you make your way to the kitchen.

You also spend twenty minutes lost before you find it.

There’s no other words to describe the kitchen other than black and seek, though you suppose many of the rooms fit the description. 

The pantry is stacked and the kitchen has everything. You eye the shaved ice machine and note it for the future. 

A couple of minutes go by with you making a mental note of where everything is.

It’s quiet, the only sounds are of eggs breaking and a spoon clanging against the bowl. The stove is turned on and sizzling can be heard.

You hear footsteps, they are all the way down the hallway. A second pair joins them. They walk in a similar pattern but the second pair drags their feet just a little.

You prepare yourself to meet them.

Amusement fills you at the sight of the two masked men, one wearing a baggy black t-shirt with red plaid trousers and matching slippers with the other wearing a hoodie with black sweatpants.

Do they wear those to sleep?

“Something smells good,” one murmurs. They must still be half-asleep. 

Their bodies perk up when they notice you, standing in front of the stove with the handle of the frypan in your hand and a spatula in the other. 

They stare.

You stare back. 

The staring competition is broken by you looking down to flip the pancake. 

Seems like Sylus hadn’t informed them of your existence. 

It’s still quiet as you plate the pancake. The only other sound is of you sliding it down towards them.

A peace offering.

~~~

Turns out they were aware of who you were and also what you had gone through. It explained their out of character silence in your first meeting. The silence quickly went away when they realised you weren’t as fragile as you thought and could handle them. Then the teasing began.

Your heart tugs when you realise that they’re just kids. No kid with a happy life ends up working for a criminal organisation. You don’t ask about their past and they never talk about it but you have an inkling that you three might have a lot in common. 

It’s why every tease, jab and joke on you never has serious consequences on them. 

Sometimes they catch you watching their antics with a sad look in your eye, almost like you’re reminiscing. They don’t inquire about it. 

~~~

Your first meeting with Mephisto isn’t anything special.

Sylus introduces him to you and to his shock, the bird lands on your shoulder.

The two of you share a look.

You nod at him.

He nods at you.

And just like that you become fast friends. He’s the only one you allow to touch you and the only one you give affection to. 

~~~

A year goes by fast.

You spend it recovering and learning the ins and outs of Onychinus. You’re not able to fight yet but your intellect is something to be desired. You end up becoming an accountant of sorts. All four of you learn how to use sign language as well. A reprieve, communication is much easier now.

It all changes after Sylus calls you into his office.

Chapter Text

Their nicknames for you: 

MC: angel, my world

Caleb: Shortcake, swee theart

Zayne: my dear, pretty girl

Sylus: little bird, birdie, owlet

Xavier: moonlight, moonbeam, honey

Rafayel: pretty, brat

Your nicknames for them:

MC: wife, love

Caleb: dude, hindrance 

Zayne: doc, zayniee, Elsa

Sylus: Mr Daddy-Long-Legs (only because he hates it), Mushu, bastard/Dragon bastard/smug bastard, Boss

Xavier: sleepyhead, darling

Rafayel: pretty boy, fishie, public nuisance, annoyance, stop bothering me + leave me alone

Their dynamic with you + your dynamic with them (not set in stone, will change as time goes on)

MC: she worships you + you adore her 

Caleb: loves to annoy you, is down bad + you love to beat him up

Zayne: wants to make up for lost time, likes taking care of you + you’re weirdly shy around him and shockingly obedient 

Sylus: denies his newfound feelings while simultaneously selfish for your attention + you think you mean nothing to him so you treat him like he's your employer which he hates

Xavier: just wants to be around you + you’re soft with him even though you know his cute act is manipulation

Rafayel: desperately wants to hate you and is very reluctantly down bad + you’re done with him 

Bonus: you like to detach from all of them and minimise your relationship to protect yourself

Chapter Text

Half of his soul isn’t even his so then why do both yearn for this woman.

You’ve settled into a sort of routine this last year.

Following the people you now work for, you’re awake at night and asleep in the morning. Well…you try to sleep but it no longer comes as easily as it had your first night here.

With all you’ve been through, a routine would seem like the last thing you need. It’s all you had when you were captive but it’s actually been helpful. It’s normal (as normal can be when working for a huge criminal organisation) and normal is what you desperately seek.

Your current routine goes as follows:

1. Waking up

Does it count if you never really go to sleep? It's all too common for you to just lay in bed with sleep ghosting you. You’re completely aware of the camera hidden in the top of the bed, if it wasn’t for your excellent hearing then you would have never found it. You wonder if he watches you.

There’s another one hidden as a button on the fireplace, aimed right at you if you sit by it. One in the lights and another hidden into the wood of the desk. Thankfully the bathroom and closet have none. Maybe you should complain about them but perhaps it's better that you don’t look a gifted horse in the mouth.

2. Getting up 

Leaving your soft bed isn’t as easy as one might think even if insomnia has spent the morning all bundled up next to you.

It’s become common to find the twins in your room when they can’t sleep either. They’ll annoy you into keeping them company and you always give in. The three of you spend the time playing games (you all get really worked up, Sylus once put you on a month ban) or even going out for a drive. Sometimes they’ll make you accompany them on a mission, you’ll watch from a rooftop far away or anywhere with an advantage and give them instructions. It’s actually pretty fun. On rare occasions, the man himself will join you.

3. Washing up/Getting ready 

You had tried to make Sylus regret giving you his card by going on a massive shopping trip but to your shock (and also desire) he was the one disappointed in the “small” amount you ended up spending. 

It’s comforting to be able to look good again. The bathroom is now stocked with high-end products, all suitable for your needs. Your closet is filled to the brim with clothes, shoes, accessories and your personal favourite, your designer bags. You’ve even started your collection of perfumes again.

You forced the twins to go with you on all your shopping trips. It’s amusing seeing them struggle to carry all your things. It’s another part to help you become desensitised to going outside and being around people. You became accustomed to the people in this house since you’re all alike in having a horrible life but it’s not easy to be out and about with the public. None of them are trustworthy. 

It took time but you can now handle it. It had been Sylus’s idea in the first place. He’s preparing you for something. For what? You have no idea. All you know is that you have no choice in his plan.

But touch is something you still can’t handle. Just the thought of anyone’s hands on you fills you with disgust. 

4. Making breakfast (or dinner…?)

Never for just one though, your cooking quickly became a favourite among the people residing in the mansion and it was now expected of you. You don’t mind it, the domestic vibe of it all is welcomed. 

You still have the tablet Sylus gave you a year ago and all you have on it are recipes. You scour the internet for them and have proudly built a collection.

Six months into your recovery had left you with too much energy so you picked up another old habit.

Baking.

To think it had been your dream at one point when you foolishly thought life could be good.

There’s nothing you don’t end up baking. Cakes that are as tall as you, intricate pastries or just experimenting with what you know. The more complex the dessert, the better.

There’s no complaints made by your roommates. 

5. Going to work

The transport switches day by day, sometimes you’ll carpool with the twins or even Sylus himself. But that was before you got your own. 

The red-eyed man had gifted you a motorcycle. He never said a word to you, just handed you the keys over breakfast one day. 

No one taught you how to ride it but you were always a quick learner. The man won’t admit it but he noticed that the lack of space in cars made you a little uncomfortable. You were like a bird in that way, never happy being in anything with four walls. 

You don’t realise that your wings have been clipped by him anyways and he’d like it to stay that way. 

6. Going back home and repeating it all over again.

~~~

Which leads you to your current day.

The building is hidden away, the main base of operations for Onychinus. Your office is nice and spacious but it’s bare of any decorations. You don’t really see the point of it.

There are other workers milling about, you don’t know anything about them. Not their name or age. Any communication from you comes in the form of texts or emails. 

Luckily being the accountant means that most of your communication is to your Boss anyways. 

The elevator you’re in dings, informing you that you’ve reached your destination. You step out and immediately feel the eyes on you. It’s the rest of the workers, you’ve become a mystery of sorts. The extra attention is annoying but nothing that can’t be handled.

You know you look weird, your white blouse had colourful marker stains on it and your black dress pants are ruffled. Your hair is a little disheveled thanks to the brats.

A few months ago, you had come across an orphanage while exploring the N109 zone. The building was in disarray and the tenants were no better off. The handlers in charge tried their best to care for the kids with what little funds they had but it wasn’t enough. It made sense, everyone here was only looking out for themselves, who has time to care for kids that no one will miss?

You do.

Time seems to be all you have.

That and money. Your new job pays well. Half of your paycheck goes to them and maybe Sylus found out because your salary did increase out of nowhere. 

You sat down with the handler, a gentle older woman by the name of Mary. The wrinkles and smile lines on her face tell that she has lived a bountiful life. What a beautiful sight it was to see.

An agreement was drafted up and you would remain an invisible benefactor. Until the kids got curious and Mary ended up begging you to meet them. You wanted to say no but kids had always been your weak point.

It had certainly been an experience, all of them crowding around you, each one demanding your sole attention. You waited for the overstimulation at their grabby hands and demands of hugs but it never came.

Children are innocent. Their actions are genuine and their affection never has dangerous intent behind it. Then they grew up into distrustful and jealous adults, following the example set for them. But for now, you enjoy the touch of other human beings without dread settling into your gut.

The orphanage is currently undergoing serious renovation - thanks to your patronage - so the kids now have to sleep in one room together. Today you went over there on your lunch break and made the situation a little better for them by using your evol. The usual disgust you feel did not come when you made all kinds of plants grow everywhere. You even created life sized cut-outs of their favourite cartoon characters. They were a hit. 

There’s another reason for your sudden interest in the orphanage and its occupants. The kids are the perfect test subject. As you said before, who would miss them? 

Sure there is Mary but what could a frail old woman do against an entire organisation for whom you still know nothing about. You can’t save everyone. You couldn’t even save your family, you’re sure Caleb is dead by now but you can try to save the kids. Just like you’ll try to rescue the ones already taken. 

You enter your office, not bothering with anyone else. Sitting down at the desk, you take time to turn on the computer. The to do list stares at you. You ignore it.

Instead you look at yourself in the mirror. You look like a fool. A smirk emerges on your face. A cute fool.

You try to tame your hair but your clothing can not be saved. A peck at the window distracts you from your action.

A familiar very adorable, red-eyes mechanical crow caws at you, flapping his wings. You get up to open the window. He enters and makes himself all too at home on your shoulder. His beak rubs against your cheek and you raise your hand to pet his head. You nudge him with your finger. What is it?

He opens his beak and your boss's voice comes through. “Come to my office when you have the time.”

The order is a reprieve you think as you glance at your computer screen. Chasing after the little runts had tired you out physically and mentally. 

You make your way to his office and knock. 

“Enter.”

Meph flies off your shoulder and goes to his dedicated corner in Sylus’s office. The sight of him puffed up as he rests never fails to amuse you.

[You wanted to see me, Boss?] you sign.

“Yes. I have a task for you,” always straight to the point. In his hand is a brown case file, your eyebrow perks up. If something in this business is only on paper it means off the books. You step forward to receive the file and skim through it.

Sex: Male

Age: 22

“His medical bills have to be paid, find a way to budget it.”

Name: Eiden -

You freeze.

The file is snapped shut a second later, the noise startles the crow in the room. When your head moves up from the file, you find him already staring at you. Eerily calm.

“Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” he whispers. Then he says your actual name, mockery clear in his tone. “It's a bit insulting that you thought I brought your lie. But no matter, I won’t hold it against you.”

You don’t have time to dissect his words.

You thought he was dead.

You remember him clearly, the stab wounds. The blood. Oh god . The amount of blood leaking out of him, mixing with your parents…

Your parent’s eyes stare in horror as you’re dragged down the stairs. Their screams are muffled-

You fucking liar.

All this time you thought he was dead but he wasn’t. He was alive, fighting to live while you had given up and accepted your fate. He was hurting and in pain and you weren’t by his side. 

What a pathetic fucking failure you are.

You don’t deserve to live.

You don’t even deserve to breathe in the air around you.

You- 

A hand encases yours, uncurling its powerful grip around the folder. Its hold on you remains. A thumb softly rubbing circles around the back of your palm. Another hand gently cradles the side of your face, rubbing away the tears you hadn’t realised were falling free during your breakdown.

“You didn’t know,” his voice is too soft as he comes to his own conclusion. It doesn’t help. His kindness isn’t meant for you. All it does is make you feel like the imposter you are. 

His body is pressed against yours. His warmth all over you. You can smell his cologne from how close he is.

Perfect. 

You try to think of what the scent is, desperate to calm down. He’s not the type to wear those “manly” scents, sandalwood or smoky. No, there's a hint of spice to it, maybe some cinnamon. Your sense of smell isn’t the greatest but you can tell it’s an odd blend. One that suits him.

The change of thought works as intended and you find yourself calming down.

Sylus doesn’t feel guilt but as he consoles the crying woman in his arms, he can’t help but think that he’s taken it too far. He had expected her to get angry, think that he was threatening her but his heart lurched when she instead stood there frozen. He hadn’t even realised that he was making his way towards her when the first tear escaped. His body is on autopilot. Consoling her was like second nature.

Neither of you realise this is your first time with skin-to-skin contact with the other.

Imagine his shock when he had been continuing his usual surveillance of the one who owned his soul through Mephisto. At first he had thought she was entering the hospital for her own appointment but confusion arose when he realised she didn’t have one set. Then bitter jealousy that she must be visiting that doctor of hers. Only for her to go into a patient room, with a man. A man that looked just like the woman he’s currently holding. 

It was all too easy after that to find out everything about you. The death of your parents and the hospitalisation of your brother. The details of your kidnapping that you still couldn’t bring yourself to talk about. He devoured any information on you.

Something sour settled into his gut at her infatuation with you. It wasn’t clear to him before but he notices the pattern in all the people she brings him. All of them resemble you in some way. It’s your name she moans in the cover of the night. Jealousy fills him. But even he has no idea who it is he’s jealous of. 

He had been so caught up in exacting some small revenge that the idea of you not knowing your own brother was still alive didn’t even cross his mind. Why was it you keeping your name hidden, keeping a part of you locked away from him, making him so angry? Why did he feel the need to punish you for it? 

Why did he enjoy watching you through those cameras?

Why were you on his mind?

Why did he make sure your office was the closest to his? The bedroom too.

Why did he despise the fact that you were already so close to the twins and Mephisto while so intent on keeping him at a distance? 

His hand is on her lower back as he guides her to the armchair adjacent to his. But instead of sitting on it, he takes the seat right next to hers. 

She’s just staring at the folder in her lap.

“Open it.” 

She follows his command.

Patient rushed to hospital with multiple stab wounds.

There’s more medical jargon that you currently can’t understand. But one sentence is clear.

Patient in need of heart transplant.

Sylus is watching you when once again you snap your head to him. You point at the line.

“Why do you think I’m paying for his bills? With my influence we can make it happen.” He leans back in the chair, legs and arms crossed. He tilts his head in that insufferable way of his with his signature smirk painted across his face. But right now, you want nothing but to kiss him. 

It’s all true, he thinks. She should feel special that he can’t help putting a reward in her punishment.

[Can a heart be donated?] You’re not too aware of the medical laws inside this game. 

His eyes narrow at you, you swear the rubies that are his iris shine. 

“Why?” he draws out. “Are you thinking of giving yours up?”

You bite your lip and it’s all the answer he needs. If you could, you would gasp at the sudden movement from him, his arms clenching on the back of the armchair you’re on. His face is level with yours and his mystical eyes bore right into yours.

“Never going to happen, little bird.” His hand reaches out and taps the area where your current organ is beating so fast. His breath is on your lips, he’s so close. If you were to tilt your head up then…

“Your heart belongs to me now, along with your everything. And I decide what you do with it. Is that clear?”

All you can do is nod.

“Good,” he sits back down but neither of you break your shared gaze. “We’ll come up with something. Something that won’t end up with your chest open,” he sends you a pointed stare.

You give a small smile in return.

“I’ll also find out more about him. I’m sure you’re curious about what he’s done these past few years.” 

You don’t even have time to brighten up and tell him yes before he opens his mouth and finishes his thought. 

“But there’s something you’ll have to do for me in return.”

Chapter Text

He can no longer live without you. You’re just like the air he needs to breathe. So, let him partake in you.

 For his survival. 

The city comes alive at night. During the day it feels like a ghost town at times but the night is when the sinners awaken and their appetite is never satiated. The hushed whispers in alleys, the not so odd gunshot you hear in the distance and the pleads of the victims all go ignored. The people here are smart. They know not to get involved.

But it is not the people she seeks. No. The one she’s hunting is yet another arrogant man with too much money and time in his hands. No matter how many of these animals she puts down, another simply takes his place.

The man thinks himself on top of the world, living on the top floor of the skyscraper. He feels like he’s untouchable. He thinks he’s safe.

He hasn’t even noticed her circling around him for days, watching her prey. Taking notice of every detail of his life. Of his betrayal. 

It’s what makes her such a great hunter. She’s patient, going days without nutrition just to complete her hunt. Not a single prey has escaped her.

And this man is no exception.

She watches him - lounging around on his sofa - all of it clear to her thanks to the large windows. She’s standing on the rooftop of the building next to him, watching him through binoculars and he still has no fucking idea. There’s guards stationed by the door of the room but they’re useless against her.

All she needs is the view of him to complete the job.

It’s all played out for her, like a scene out of a movie. She experiences it all with a wicked glint in her eyes, her favourite part is coming up, the anticipation might just kill her. He hunches over in pain but no sound escapes him as a vine covers his mouth, silencing him. His eyes are bloodshot as he feels multiple things inside him, swarming and looking for escape. 

One does.

It shoots out of his chest.

Then another.

This time through his left ear. 

It continues until he looks more of an abomination of nature rather than a man.

He’s left on the couch. Silenced forever. 

The last thing she’s ever thought of herself is an artist but she has created a masterpiece. 

~~~

Sylus stares at his hands. [Name] had left his office a little while ago and he’s been stuck in this haze since. He can still remember the feel of her skin against, the warmth of her body and how right it all had left.

He still feels the anger at your little sacrificial lamb act. How dare you even think about leaving him? 

This Eiden was a pathetic little coward. Still hiding behind his sister even when you’re considered dead. Sylus has been watching him the past year. Your brother has never done anything to find you, Sylus doesn’t care if he was hospitalized. The fool had gone and gotten married but couldn’t lift a finger for his family? 

There was no memory of you left in your brother’s house, Eiden was all too happy to forget about you and yet you’re still worried about him. 

And if that wasn’t enough, Eiden now has his Mara looking after him. How greedy.  

His mind is in a disarray. His being filled with turmoil. He’s not supposed to feel this way about you. His love is only for the woman who killed him. And that’s not you. 

No more of this. No more of feeling anything for you. 

She’s just a tool , he reminds himself.

And it’s time he treats you like one.

~~~

You find yourself back in your bedroom.

How you got here was not remembered. It all felt like a blur. 

Your gaze is on your wrist. The very one that Sylus had grabbed over a year ago. Your other hand curls around your wrist, trying to mimic the way he had. His touch had felt like acid on your skin back then so what changed?

Why had your mind and body deemed it okay? 

I don’t fucking know.

Insomnia has nothing on the current exhaustion you feel. The sleep is just what you need.

~~~

The rubbery texture of the mat has become a familiar sensation to you. You often find yourself face planting onto it.

He’s a monster. Relentless. 

Your entire body aches and not in a good way!

You had made the mistake of getting comfortable because now your body was subjected to a different type of torture daily.

Sparring with him. 

This was the deal you had accepted two months ago. You had served his finances well but his endgame for you was different. You’ve rested this last year and your body is much better.

Just like Sylus wanted.

So, now it’s time to train it. As you feel your muscles ache, you can’t help but think it was a bad idea to confide in him about your evol. Because now, he’s set on seeing how far your endurance can take you. How much you can handle.

And it’s made more infuriating due to the fact that it’s working. The torture forced upon you for years had left you capable of accomplishing more with your evol than you could during your childhood. But your body was malnourished so even that was stunted. It’s all changed now though. 

You’re also curious as to how far you can go. For the first time in all your lives you feel powerful. You can feel the potential brimming inside you, almost like it’s just out of your reach. It’s an addictive thing and unfortunately you’re hooked. 

Creating plants out of nothing isn’t the limit to what you can do. You remember how your body had moved on its own during your childhood, helping a certain someone calm down from his evol flaring up. Golden vines had wrapped around his body - glowing - and they had healed all his cuts and stopped him from losing control. Of course, you paid the price by sacrificing your body again. But something tells you that the vines are only the start. 

It’s why you don’t say anything as he knocks you off your feet once again. Two months of this and you haven’t made much progress. You can see the frustration inside Sylus and it worries you. Worried that he’ll throw you away.

A few months ago, these thoughts would have never crossed your mind. He kept you at a distance, sure, but he had always treated you with respect. In his own way, he kept reassuring you that such a thing would no longer happen…but something had changed.

Ever since he had comforted you in his office, he had been cold. Not just cold but sometimes scary. You have no idea where you stand with him. He no longer spoke to you in a teasing tone, no longer seeked you out and as rare it was for him to join your wacky adventures with the twins, now it never happens. He mostly communicates through Mephisto. The only time you see him is during your sparring sessions. He shows no hint of emotion in his eyes or face and it stings. 

You hate that it stings. 

His hold as he picks you up is gentle but it doesn’t feel like it. The dread at his touch is back too. But you’re too afraid to give it away. Afraid that if you don’t become what he wants you to then you’ll be disposed of. 

“This isn’t working,” his eyes glare at you. He’s brought you closer to his body, face to face. Your black long sleeved shirt is good at hiding how sweaty you are. But your hair is a mess and you’re breathing heavily. He’s wearing a red tank top with black shorts, looking as composed as ever. You don’t even have the mind to admire him like this as your heart sinks to your stomach. Yet another person has deemed you a failure. 

No. No. No.

I promise I’ll do better. I promise-

It’s hard to sign any of the words with the speed at which your pleas bombard your mind. None of it matters as he throws your wrist out of his hold and storms out. 

You can’t even hear the choked gasps that escape from you. You can’t hear your breath shortening as you forget how to do the action. Somehow you can’t even hear your thoughts as the four walls around you seem to sway and close in on you. You make no noise as you fall to your knees and it kills you inside.

You’re left laying down on the gym mat. 

~~~

The house is quiet now.

No longer do the occupants wake up to the sounds of clanging in the kitchen, no longer do they smell the food cooking and no longer do they see you. 

Sylus hadn’t met you in the gym the next day. Or the next. 

You take the hint and stop waiting for him.

You spend all your free time holed up in your room. You only leave for work. You haven’t signed in over a week as you refuse to cross paths with anyone. You left his card on his work desk, only to find it on your nightstand upon your return. You don’t push it by doing it again but you don’t use it.

Mary had sent you a text informing you that the kids wanted to see you but you responded by letting her know you were on a work trip. You didn’t want to put on a fake smile and pretend that everything was okay. That you were okay. 

Luke and Kieran try to knock on your bedroom door but you never answer. The door is locked but it would pose no challenge for them to pick it. They don’t. It doesn’t stop them from trying to get you to come out though. 

“[Name], come get food with us.” 

“[Name], come play this new board game with us.”

“[Name], come commit arson with us.” 

None of it works. 

Your window is kept locked and the curtains are always drawn. You can hear Mephisto pecking at it but again you don’t respond. 

~~~

On day five of your self-imposed isolation, you find yourself waking up with too much energy. You can only think of one thing to release it and that’s how you find yourself in the gym, tying up the boxing gloves as you stand before a punch bag.

Hand-to-hand combat was what Sylus had labelled you as a failure in so perhaps working the muscles would help.

The first punch you throw is half-assed.

How pathetic.

His voice speaks for you in your mind.

The second is too shaky.

How weak.

The third doesn’t even make the bag move.

Failure. 

It repeats in your mind.

Failure. Failure. Failure. 

It continues until you feel the white hot rage.

How was any of this your fault? Had you asked to be brought into this world? To be kidnapped? To be forced to watch your family be murdered in front of you and be the reason why? To be tortured and forced to experience unimaginable horrors? Did you beg for your mind to be broken over and over again?

Had you asked him to save you?

No, he had done so on his own. And now he wanted to throw a temper tantrum when things didn’t go his way.

Because you weren’t what he wanted? Who he wanted?

In your anger you don’t realise as your leg picks up and collides with the punching bag. However, you do notice as the force makes it fall off its hinges and smash against the wall. A good distance away from you.

You stand there gaping as the bag falls down, leaving a sizable dent in the wall.

“Always full of surprises aren’t you?” A voice purrs in your ear.

In your shock you hadn’t noticed the asshole entering and positioning himself right behind you. In a small act of rebellion, you push yourself away from him.

[Don’t touch me.] 

Red eyes widen a bit. It’s a surprise to see him open and close his mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say but falling short. He looks to be in contemplation before nodding and taking a step away from you. 

You’ve never seen him rattled. A part of you is smug. It’s a beautiful sight. 

What would he look like on his knees , your thoughts wander. 

“Meet me here again tomorrow?” it’s phrased like a demand but he speaks it like a question. His eyes look over your face but you give nothing away.

You nod.

This time it’s you who walks away.

~~~

Sylus is a fool.

He lasted not even four days after he walked out on you before finding himself at your bedroom door, hand raised to knock but staying in place. The only time he’s seen you these last few days is the small glimpses of you at work. You’ve isolated yourself and he knows it's serious when you’ve even shut Mephisto out. 

He wanted to use his position as your boss to force you to show yourself, especially when he found his credit card on his desk but after some contemplation, he concluded it’ll do more harm than good.

Pride does settle in him when he realised all the cameras were gone so he can’t even check up on you using them but it’s mostly overshadowed by frustration.

This is all his doing. He had been so focused on seeing results that he had overlooked the mental battle taking place in your mind. He should be happy that his plan worked, he treated you like a tool, successfully manipulated you into being desperate for his approval so why doesn’t it feel like a victory? 

Sylus has never heard you talk but he didn’t know one could be silent in other ways and it stings.

He hates that it stings.

He’s conflicted. Maybe it’s for the better that the two of you stay like this because the fact that he has gotten so attached to you in such a short amount of time is exactly why he did this. He can live with emotional pain, he’s been doing so for far too long.

But can he live without you?

He finds himself unable to answer his own mind.

He puts his hand down, into his pocket because he doesn’t trust his own body right now.

And he walks away.

He’s a fool.

He won’t apologise for it. 

~~~

He saw it all.

The quiet fury in your eyes that you could no longer express with your words. The raising of your leg as it collided with the bag. The sheer force it took for the bag to leave a dent in his fucking wall.

Desire pools in his gut at your show of strength.

It doesn’t help that you look so good in your workout attire. It clings to you in all the right ways. All those memories of pinning you to the mat and having you under him resurface. Sylus hadn’t shown it but he was utterly grateful at his restraint because it would’ve been so easy to have you in those moments.

His body moves on his own and before he knows it, he’s right behind you. He’s tried so hard to forget the feel of you against his body but his mind still yearns for it. He doesn’t touch you but he’s close enough.

You’re too shocked to even notice him.

How cute.

But then he ruins it by opening his mouth and something inside him breaks when you pull away.

[Don’t touch me.]

Your unspoken words ring in his head. Over and over again. 

You’ve rendered him speechless and for that he has to give credit where credit is due.

Sylus has walked away from you too many times to count and he can’t help but think when you do it to him.

Is that how he made you feel?

~~~

The room has changed the next time you enter.

The gym equipment has all been moved to the corners. Instead it looks more like something out of those spy movies you liked to watch. One area of the room is set up as a shooting range. There are four lanes, each with their own target. On the wall are various guns, none of which you have any knowledge of. You hated them in your first life so you never knew a thing about them. The guns in the game are a bit different, more technical.

There’s another area with training dummies. No weapons around them. Another area is set up as some type of simulator, you think. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to the technology of this world.

You hear them before you see them.

“Boss sure moved fast to make this happen,” Luke says. “Seems like we’re no longer the favourite child Lukey,” Kieran pouts. They stand before you, leaning on the other.

[You were never the favourite, that goes to Meph], they let an offended gasp at your declaration. Their antics never fail to make you feel better.

[Why have I been graced with your presence?] you ask.

“Cause we’re your new mentors. Boss’s orders.” They clarify together when you give them a confused look. It’s sometimes astonishing how much they move in sync, almost like they are one person. Not even you and Ei were that close.

“Now,” Kieran claps his hands, “...it’s come to our attention, little lady, that you pack a mean kick. But first, we have something to show you,”

Luke grabs your hand. It’s the first time he’s touched you and he realises this himself and drops it quickly. Before he can say anything, you grab it again. 

[What is it?]

You have no idea what expression he has on his face, you can’t see the look in his eyes thanks to the mask they wear but you hope he’s shocked. 

No way am I admitting that I feel safe around them, they’ll never let me hear the end of it.

Neither of them say anything but instead drag you to the spot on the wall that had the dent you created. You wish so badly you could cackle when you see what they’ve done to it. 

“Ta-daaa!” They give you jazz hands as they show off their work.

The hole is framed and there is a small plaque to the side of it. When you look at it closer, something is written on it.

Baby’s first victim. 

“Well, what do you think? It was my idea if you like it. Kieran’s if you don’t.” You hear an offended “Hey!”, followed by a smack. The twins bickering is interrupted by your clapping. When they turn to look at you, you’re staring at them with a wide smile.

[I love it.]

You regret the show of appreciation when two sets of hands start pinching your cheeks, cooing at you. 

~~~

For the last month, the twins had trained you in every fighting style that specialised in using legs. You pick it all up fast. It’s exhilarating seeing the damage you can do. It’s reassuring to know that you’re strong with or without your evol. 

Also you’ve destroyed over a hundred dummies. Pat yourself on the back!

You haven’t seen Sylus in the last month but this time it doesn’t bother you. The only communication you’ve gotten with him is a message Mephisto relayed. “Focus on your training, don’t show up to work.” 

You don’t think you would have been able to concentrate when your entire body is constantly aching. Any free time you have is spent either at the orphanage or resting in your bed.

The twins and you have gotten even closer during this month. Close enough to divulge some secrets.

It’s yet another day.

Rather than taking your frustration out on the dummies, the twins want to spar. Which means you have to be wary of how much force you put in your kicks. Kieran decided to go against you first with Luke watching on the sidelines. 

But the kick you land on him is too hard, the force of it is known by the loud sound ricocheting throughout the room. Before you can drop everything and see if he’s okay, you notice it. You notice Luke holding his side in pain. The exact same spot you had just kicked his brother in. 

You’ll ask about it later but for now, you rush off to find the first aid kit. You examine the area on Kieran, he tried to play it off but the shake in his voice was too noticeable. The guilt must have been clear on your face because he relents when he notices the tears in your eyes.

You don’t want to hurt those you care about. Intentional or not. Physically or not.

Luckily there is no internal damage, just some bruising that should go away on its own. You give him an ice pack. Then you turn to Luke.

[Show me yours.] 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he crosses his arms and looks away.

You move yourself into his field of view and sign. [I’m not stupid, I noticed. Show me or I’ll tell the boss that it was you who drank his favourite wine.]

That sets him straight and he shows you. He’s given an ice pack as well.

It all makes sense how they seem to be so in sync, to the point where they feel everything the other does. It’s great, sure, but it’s a huge weakness. 

Take one down and the other does as well. 

Not on your watch.

[My evol kills me,] it’s only fair to let them know something of yours in exchange. You don’t have to see their faces to notice the confusion so you explain in more detail.

The three of you go out for some ice cream for comfort after.

This time it’s Sylus who is waiting for you in the room. He’s at the shooting range. You walk over. The boots you’re wearing make enough noise for him to hear. He turns to you and you freeze at the soft smile on his face. You narrow your eyes at him in distrust, making sure to keep a distance. What is he planning…

He only chuckles. “Relax, little bird. I only want to have an honest conversation with you.” Your body language relaxes a little but you’re still on edge. He continues his words when he notices, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m putting you through all this.” When you nod, he closes the distance. His hand reaches out to caress your cheek but stops before it makes contact. He’s gauging your reaction and continues when you don’t give him a reason to stop.

Your breath hitches when his fingers cradle your cheek. “It’s all for your benefit…and mine of course.” His eyes are hooded as they stare into yours. “I want you to slice the necks of each individual that did this to you,” his fingers move to the large scar across your neck. You tilt your head up to give him access. “Each individual that works for them will die by your hand only, I’ll make sure of it,” he promises you. And despite your mind screaming at you to not believe him, you do.

[And what do you gain out of this?] He laughs softly at your question. You know him so well. “I get a super soldier.”

He tugs you towards the shooting range. “Now, let's see how you fare with this.”

~~~ 

Sylus stares at his bedroom ceiling. 

The both of you had come to some sort of understanding with each other since then. He had taught you how to use guns and hand weapons, it’s dangerous for you to rely on your legs. He’s working towards getting you to be comfortable using your evol, but that won’t be for a while. You can be very stubborn when you want.

The guns hadn’t appealed to you like the blades had. You had settled on a pair of twin blades, the sword’s blade could extract leaving just the handles, which made them easy to carry. You asked them to be modified further, so they could be hot enough to cut through anything. It was an interesting ask, one that he indulged in. It took a while to develop, to find the perfect protocore that would work with it but he prevailed in the end. The giddiness in your face had made it all worth it. 

He’s fucked.

He still doesn’t know the answer to what you mean to him. All he’s aware of is that you can never leave him. You have a power over him that no one else does.

Like right now, you locked him inside his own room. He can easily escape but he’s not going to. Why? Because the image of the puppy eyes you had flashed at him pops up again. He’s about to set up an important deal, so sleep has been sacrificed. However, you noticed this and put your foot down. 

“It’s hardly fair, little bird. You never sleep.” You had taken up all the space in his bedroom door, your arms outstretched so he couldn’t leave. [I’m fucked in the head. What’s your excuse?] He only sighed, rubbing the space between his head. 

I don’t have time for this.

But when he looked back up, any thoughts of disagreement went out the window at the pleading look you gave him. [Please?]

That’s why he’s currently trying to glare a hole into the ceiling. He can’t believe he let you win. With a huff, he accepts his fate and closes his eyes.

The clock reads 8:00AM when he awakens. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he becomes all too aware of the silence throughout the house.

The uncharacteristic silence.

You don’t live with the twins and have a moment of peace. They don’t make it possible.

He’s rushing out the door. What are they up to? He does not want a repeat of last time. No, he can’t even think about it. 

The twins aren’t in their room, or in any of the other miscellaneous rooms in the house. He knocks on your door and opens it when no one answers. It’s also empty. Maybe the three of you have gone out together again, he calms himself down. 

Coffee.

He walks to the kitchen, passing by the living room but stops in his tracks. 

Found them.

They’re currently sitting down in the armchairs, tight ropes all around them. Their necks are slumped forward but the snores coming out of their mouths stop any panic. His eyes move over the couch. You’re sitting down on it. Still in your pajamas with a robe around you and fluffy slippers on. There’s a tablet in your hand and a steaming cup of coffee on the table. One hand is typing on the tablet while the other is giving head rubs to Mephisto, who is sitting on the couch’s arm rest. The bird looks very comfy at the affection he’s getting.

You look up when he enters, a warm smile on your face. You set the tablet down and get up to greet him. [Morning. Did you sleep well?”]

“I did,” he hums before pointing at the nuisances. “What’s all this?” You look at the direction, a mischievous look in your eyes. [I needed their help with something which they did! But they were being too loud and I was afraid they would wake you up so I handled it.] 

“By drugging them?” 

You give him a beaming smile in response. [Aren’t I a genius?] If you had a tail, it would be wagging. He smiles while imagining the sight. 

His hand brushes the stray hair out of your face. “Yes. Yes you are.” It moves down towards your wrist, his fingers lace with yours and he’s pulling you towards the kitchen, making sure to grab your cup of coffee. Mephisto follows behind. “Come. Let’s have breakfast together.” 

You instantly move to the fridge but look up at him when his hand slams the door shut. Sylus moves you towards the bar stool. “I’m cooking today. Just sit there and look pretty.”  He turns around and opens the fridge door. Simple eggs with toast will do. With the ingredients in hand, he moves to the stove. In a few minutes, the sound of the eggs sizzling can be heard with the toaster also on. He can feel your stare on him. 

As it should be.

He keeps an eye on you when you get up, heading to the coffee machine. You’re making it for him. The two of you are silent as you work, only the sounds of the equipment you’re using can be heard. You move towards him, and he accepts the cup. It’s just how he likes it.

[I’ll be back.] By the time you come back into the kitchen, he’s putting down the two plates on the table. The tablet is in your hand.

You sit down with him, looking for something on him and slide it to him when you do. He picks it up and reads it.

“This is…How-”

[I’ve been watching him for two weeks. As soon as you wanted the deal.] 

He puts the tablet down on the tablet. “Why?” arms crossed as he stares at you.

[Because he was too clean. Nothing on his finances, not even the hidden ones. No one is that clean when they live here. Certainly not someone that rich. I figured he’d mess up and I was right.] 

He continues to stare at you. A sign to not stop. 

[He has a mistress. Which wouldn’t be a problem but his wife has an iron tight prenup. One that’ll leave him with nothing if his infidelity is proven. That’s why I got the twins to…persuade him to take the deal. With a 5% loss to profit for him.] You wait for some sort of reaction from Sylus, you normally wouldn’t intervene with his business like this but you noticed the exhaustion in his eyes. Sure, it would've been easy for him to get what he wanted by brute force but that’s not how the world of business works. A reputation like that would only cause issues.

“Don’t do such a thing again,” he warns you. “That’s not why you’re here,” he pauses, “but good job.”

Later during the day when you return to your room, there’s a big stack of folders waiting for you. On them is a sticky note, ‘A reward,’ printed on it. When you open the folder’s it’s all the information he had promised you, about Eiden. But any thankfulness goes away at the dates listed. Sylus had been watching your brother for a long time, before the whole drama in his office. He already had all this information when he promised he’ll look into your brother. But he kept it these last couple of months. When you had disappointed him.

You can’t believe you trusted the words he spoke to you. You had hammered yourself down and begun anew for him. You’re letting him turn you into a killing machine. Your gaze falls back onto the sticky note.

Reward.

The word is sitting there, mocking you. What else is he keeping from you? Hiding it away and only letting you when you’ve satisfied him. 

With a new found resolve, you crush the note in your hands. Two years. He had invested a lot in you these two years so that’s what you’ll give him. The next two years, you’ll do whatever he wants. You’ll be whoever he wants. But as soon as the time is up, you’re gone.

Not just from him, from them all.

Chapter Text

When the days are rough, he finds himself staring at the photo of the young girl. His eyes trained on her smile. The smile he failed to cherish too late.

The smile he’ll never see again. 

~~~

He doesn’t really care much for birthdays. 

But his family does. Many find it funny how such a stoic kid can belong to outgoing and extroverted parents. He wonders the same. 

The party is in their backyard, his parents wanted something extravagant but his wishes won in the end. It was easy to pull the ‘it’s my birthday’ card, he doesn’t ask for much often so he gets what he wants on the rare occasions he does.

Banners are strung up everywhere. His mother’s work. She’s also put balloons everywhere and decorated everything. Despite his wishes she had gotten a bouncy castle. He felt he was too old for it but his classmates seemed to enjoy it. He wasn’t close with the people in his year level, he didn’t know how to be friends with them and they saw him as cold. 

He doesn’t have to be a genius - though he is - to see that none of them want to be here. They give him strained smiles while their parents stand behind them, the reason as to why his classmates have been forced to attend. He almost feels bad for them.

They all disperse into their own groups after telling him a half-assed ‘Happy birthday’ and thrusting their gifts into his hand. He tosses the gifts to the pile, not interested in the contents. He’s more than happy to stay at the side, book in hand. It’s on the reading list for an upcoming subject and he likes to be prepared.

Besides, the actual people he wanted couldn’t make it. Caleb had a school trip and Mara was down with food poisoning. She had called him in tears, letting him know she couldn’t make it this morning with promises to make it up to him. Though a little disappointed, he wished her a well recovery and told her not to worry. That just left-

“Happy birthday, zayniee.” 

You. 

It left you.

You’re wearing a cute jumper, blue ombre in colour. He remembers when you had started knitting it. You’ve paired it with a black skirt and black tights. You’re wearing earrings in the shape of blue ribbons. You look cute. You’re smiling at him softly and there’s a rectangle box in your hands. It’s wrapped in brown paper with an ice blue ribbon and a card on the box. He’s intrigued. 

You hand him the box and he takes it. Instead of tossing it like the rest, he keeps it on his lap. 

You take the seat next to him, your legs don’t reach the floor so you settle for swinging them. “I’m sorry the others couldn’t make it. They felt bad.” He can’t imagine Caleb feeling sad for missing his birthday. He has no idea why the rascal didn’t like him. “It’s fine. It can’t be helped.” You just give another soft smile.

The two of you sit in comfortable silence as he continues reading his book.

“Oh, is that Monomania?”

He glances at you. “You’ve read it?”

“Yeah, I got bored one day. I liked it, the author did well balancing the themes of obsession and going too far but it also fell flat in many areas.”

He hums, an invitation to continue. “You want a small spoiler about the ending?” you ask. He turns to you and contemplates for a second before agreeing. 

“You won’t like it.”

“Like what?”

“The ending.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s more of a fairy-tale ending than the one even I anticipated.” 

“Is that what you think of me? Cold?”

“Not at all. But even you can’t deny that you can be a little…logical.”

“Hmm.” 

Of course you end up being right when he finishes the book the next day, a happy ending was not needed for a book like this. It ruined his morning a little. His parents didn’t notice the subtle pout on his face.

His mother calls everyone over to cut the cake. It’s ice-themed. He doesn’t like it. He feels you lean in towards him, touching each other’s shoulders. “At least it’s not a carrot cake,” you comfort him. 

At least it’s not a carrot cake, he repeats in his head. It’s weird how you always seemed to know the right thing to say. You seem to understand him a lot. He doesn’t know how to feel about it.

The both of you enjoy the cake together. Your love for sweets was the biggest thing you had in common.

After, it’s time to unwrap the gifts. He doesn’t mean to be unappreciative but it's clear his classmates don’t know him all too well. He’s left with unimaginative gifts like socks or simple clothing. He’ll just donate them.

A familiar brown wrapped box sits in front of him. He unconsciously saved it for last. He’s careful with unwrapping it, you’re watching him with anticipation and the last thing needed is for him to disappoint you with his reaction. The card on the box doesn’t say the stereotypical ‘Happy Birthday Zayne’ like the rest had. 

You’ve given him a coupon instead. ‘Ask [Name] to make you whatever sweet you desire’ is on it. Towards the bottom are five punch holes. He’ll have to be careful with his decisions. Your sweets are on a whole other world on their own, he’ll have to savour them. 

He removes the wrapping, it’s a vintage record player still in mint condition. You beam at the awed look in his eyes. There’s two vinyl records underneath. “They work, don’t worry. I wasn’t sure about your music taste so I picked at random. The shop I found had many more, I’ll take you there.” 

He flashes you a small smile. “Thank you,” he says softly. He’s never mentioned liking music around you or even talked about record players but the gift screams him in a shocking way.

You stare at him frozen for a second. He doesn’t realise you’re flustered when you avoid eye contact.

Maybe birthdays aren’t so bad. 

~~~

“I’m surprised [Name] isn’t with you. The two of you are always attached at the hip.” When leaving for the new cafe that had opened up, the last thing he expected to happen was meeting his childhood friend again. 

Mara was taller now. A hunter, he thinks feeling annoyed. She has a heart condition and chose one of the most extraneous jobs. It’s just like her. He remembers how [Name] had supported her in this endeavour. Zayne had missed you all these years. To everyone’s surprise, the two of you had become fast friends. He doesn’t understand how a warm person like you sought friendship in him but he’s glad you did. He regrets not keeping in touch.

He’s taken aback at the tears that gather in Mara’s dark brown eyes at his question. She’s grown to be a beautiful woman but his heart remains unaffected. He tries to imagine what you look like now.

Did they fight? He brushes the thought off. There’s no way the two of you would end up not friends. No the only reason he can come with for a separation is-

His eyes widened. 

No. No. No. 

“She’s dead.”

Mara had shown him where your grave was, right next to your parents. She’s waiting in the car while he visits you.

In his mind you had achieved your dream of being a bakery owner and were happy. It’s what you deserved.

He’s disgusted in himself. He’d run away like a coward in his childhood. He missed the extra years with you the others got. While he was busy with med school and then becoming a doctor, you were dead. You’d been dead this whole time and he had no idea.

He’ll spend the next few years just thinking. Thinking of you, of everything about you he can commit to memory. The only place you exist is in the minds of those you’ve left behind. He’ll think of missed chances and regrets. Sometimes he allows himself to fall into the what ifs, imagining a future with you that would never come to pass. These moments were rare, he only indulged in them at his weakest.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers to your grave.

It’s all he can say.

~~~

You had decided it would be best to keep your wishes to disappear to yourself. The twins would never break their allegiance to Sylus, not that you ever wanted them to. No, in the N109 zone, the only person you can fully trust is you. 

You had stayed up that night and came up with a mental checklist for escape. 

1. Find your own place. Not in the N109 zone. 

“No,” Sylus tells you. You’re standing before him in his office. He’s not even looking at you, too busy with the paperwork in front of him. His words bring a pout to your face.

[Why not?] 

“Because I said so. You’re not getting your own place. You have everything you need right here. You’re not leaving.” You glare at him and a hint of amusement flickers in his eyes. You hate that he never takes you seriously. “End of discussion.”

Taking in a deep breath - to calm the need to strangle him, it doesn’t work - you reluctantly relent. Instead you ask for something else. 

[Can I go visit my brother?]

It bruises your ego to ask for permission to do anything. You’re not a child, you’re nearly the age you were when you died the first time. But the N109 zone isn’t one you can just enter and leave when you want, unless you’re someone like Sylus. 

Your words stop him, he pushes away from the work on his desk. His attention is now fixed on you, his gaze leaves you on edge. Nearly two years have been spent with him and you still have no idea how to read him. It's frustrating, being able to read people has always been your strong suit, it helped with the constant manipulation you would pull. You had been happy to do his bidding without question before and now you regret the amount of control he has on you. 

“Why would I do that?” he crosses his arms. 

[Because it’s my brother…?]

He narrows his eyes at you.

“ Why would I do that?” he repeats. 

[Because I just found out he’s alive and I want to see him. Not to meet him, I’ll watch from a distance. I just have to see him with my own eyes.] You give him a pleading look. He sighs and looks away, taking a few seconds to agree before looking at you again.

“Fine,” he reluctantly agrees. “But you know the ordeal by now. Do something for me in return.”

Ugh everything is always a business deal with him. 

“Sit,” he commands, gesturing at the chairs in front of him. You do.

He takes the glasses off his face. A shame. He looked very sophisticated in them. “That doctor you mentioned, there’s still nothing on her,” every month the two of you would meet and he’d relay the information he had found out and in the last year, not even a sentence could be written down. It left the both of you frustrated.

[Do you think..]

“That we have a traitor amongst us? Yes I’m sure of it now,” he finishes the thought for you. There’s a tick in his jaw. You don’t blame him, moles are annoying to deal with normally. But here in the N109 zone finding one is like finding a needle in a haystack. Everyone is a mole here. Finding the right one will be hard.

“Don’t worry, I already have a trap settled for our little rat. We’ll find them.”

His words don’t comfort you. They meant he’d known about the mole for a while, at least long enough to come up with a plan. Before your mind can go on a tirade at your developing distaste for your boss, he interrupts you. 

“Moving on, I’m sending you on your first mission.” You keep his stare. “After you come back from seeing your brother. Make sure to have no contact with anyone. No one can know you’re alive. Also remember to take your phone this time. Got it?”

Ah right. The phone he’d given you was rarely used. There was no point, all the people you communicated with lived under one roof and you all used Meph as a phone anyways. 

You nod. 

[Cross my heart and hope to die.]

He glares at you, not impressed.

~~~

That’s how you find yourself, staring at the mirror in your bathroom. 

Sylus had given you three days to visit Ei.

The weather in Linkon will be cold so you make sure to dress up in a nice wool coat. You have a small bag with you, there’s a few outfits in there and way too many pairs of undergarments. You’re not taking any chances. There’s a key to the hotel room Sylus had booked for you in there. The problem is the very large and very visible scar across your throat. You lift your head up a little to check it out. It’s still bright red. Your finger’s trail over it. The scar doesn’t feel as thick as it used to be but it’ll draw attention. You decide to take a scarf with you. 

You still haven’t decided on how to feel about it. On one hand, it’s frustrating not being able to talk. It gets in the way of your everyday life. Even if you can sign now, many people don’t understand it so you have to carry a tablet around. Your torturers/killers had taken so much from you that it doesn’t hurt emotionally that they’ve taken your ability to talk as well. On the other hand, you’ve gotten used to not speaking. No longer do you remember what you sound like.

Ah, well. No point dwelling on it.

Sylus will show you how to leave the N109 zone. The way he does. 

~~~

You feel like an imposter being back.

You had once built a life here but that’s been gone for a long time. You no longer have a place here.

First order of business is to visit the library, after you check into your hotel of course. The looks you receive all go ignored. You’re not humble about them, you’re aware of your beauty. 

You peruse the selection of books but none of them interest you. Sylus already had a vast collection and you weren’t interested to add to them. You weren’t here for the books either. No, you were here for the computers. 

You walk over to one and set your bag on the table. Sitting down, you turn it on. A book and a pen are retrieved from the bag. The purpose of your visit is to look for places available. A simple one bed will do. Hell, you’ll even take - you shudder at the thought - a studio. You browse through all the available properties, noting their addresses down.

Maybe if Sylus hadn’t proven time and time again he can’t be trusted then you would have accepted his ‘no’ without fighting. But, you have to look after yourself first. Besides, the small act of rebellion soothes you, you had grown a bit too complacent. He’ll find out, Sylus has too many ways of tracking you. The very phone he had given you which was currently in your bag for one. Mephisto for another, the city was loud and filled with people, everything is noisy so you have to really concentrate to hear the bird. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to be following you. 

Second order of business is the graveyard, flagging down a taxi, you show the driver the address written on your book.

You walk by your own gravestone and you try your best not to register your parents’. You’re not ready. You stand before the gravestone you’re here for.

Caleb Xia.

He really died. 

You hadn’t been there.

He was dead.

And you weren’t there. 

Some friend you were. Your mind remains oddly blank as you stand in front of him. It’s not like you can even say anything to him. Not even the lies that easily roll off your tongue. You turn to leave.

Third order of business.

Akso Hospital. 

~~~

Zayne doesn’t believe in ghosts.

Not when his co-workers tell each other stories of those that took their last breath in the hospital, now doomed to forever roam the grounds. Not when Mara would tell him “spooky” stories to try and freak him out (it never works, he has no idea why she hasn’t given up). 

So then, why is there a ghost standing in front of him? 

The woman standing before him looks just like you - a grown up version of you. The rational part of him tries to answer, it’s just a coincidence that they look similar. It’s just a coincidence that the lady is standing right in front of the hospital room where your brother currently resides.

Just a coincidence. 

There’s no way you’re alive. There’s no way its you wearing that long black winter coat with the black scarf around your neck. The coat practically swallows the woman up, nothing about her body can be seen. It’s not you because you hated keeping your hair long. It’s not you because you'd never sport that dead emotionless look on your eyes. It’s not you because you loved sleeping and you would never have eye bags that huge.

It can’t be you.

As a doctor, he’s treated a variety of people, especially those who have experienced trauma. But his mind (heart) can’t accept the way you look. He never thought he would see you so broken. Just what have you gone through all these years?

The doctor in him is screaming. Yelling to stop standing there and fix you. 

He watches silently, frozen, as you contemplate entering the room. Your hand remains on the door handle, the window in it showing you the view of your brother inside. Eiden hasn’t noticed you, he’s fast asleep. The image of his rest calms you down. It’s a good thing he can still sleep peacefully. 

The ghost looks painfully human as she steps away from the door. You still haven’t made a single sound, even your steps are quiet. He sees you close your eyes for a few seconds, your hands come up to rub your arms, an effort to ground or comfort yourself. When they reopen you look more focused. You’ve made up your mind on something when you sharply turn and end up looking right at him.

He sees your eyes widen in shock. In realisation. He can no longer convince himself you’re a ghost or another woman, there’s no denying it. It’s you. 

The two of you remain frozen where you stand. Neither party makes a move. Neither of you speak either.

You break the moment by running away.

He watches as you leave him again. 

~~~

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. Zayne wasn’t supposed to be working but when is a doctor’s schedule reliable? You saw him listed as Eiden’s doctor and you weren’t even surprised. No matter how hard you try to stay away from the main cast, your fate seems to be thread right through theirs. Fuck . You should’ve made a plan just in case. When has anything in this horrible world gone right for you???

You try to look for a taxi. Hell you’ll even break into a car if you have to. Anything to get out of here.

Your mind is unreliable in moments of panic. Every thought is dramatised and the actions you end up taking go too far. You’ll come up with a simpler solution later but by then the damage will often be done leaving you with regrets.

Oh my god, I should just kill myself. Yup, that’ll fix it.

The last thing you wanted was to see Zayne again. He’ll tell everyone, you can’t have that.

I should just kill him then! 

Before you can enact terrible crimes, your psychotic thoughts are thankfully halted at the hand on your shoulder.

You shove your shoulder away, stepping back until there’s a good distance between you. Zayne sees the fear in your eyes and his movements stop. 

“It’s you,” he finally says in awe.

You can’t look him in the eyes, there’s too many things in there for you to decipher. 

“[Name],” he calls out again. That gets your attention. It’s been so long since you’ve heard another say your name. Even after Sylus found out your real identity, he never acknowledged the name. As far as the world knows, [Name] is dead. 

He tries to take a step towards you but your eyes are trained on him, when he notices the dread on your face, he stays in place.

“Please…just don’t leave,” he begs. It’s so uncharacteristic of him but you’ve always been weak to a pretty man begging.

“Just wait,” he checks his watch, “for thirty minutes. I get off work and we can talk. That’s it. I only want to talk.” The desperation in his voice freezes any hesitation in your mind. Memories rush in your head, the two of you had been so close once. He’d never done you wrong.

[Only if you promise you won’t tell anyone.] It’s a gamble whenever you sign, fifty percent in your favour, either the person knows the language or they don’t. But if there’s one person you’d think did know, it would be Zayne. Besides, your hands are far too shaky to write.

As expected he looks surprised at the movement of your hands. “Why are you…” he notices the ‘don’t ask’ expression on your face. “Fine. I won’t tell anyone if you wait,” he clears his throat and gathers himself. His voice is clearer when he speaks again. “There’s a café down the street, wait for me there. It’s going to rain soon,” he hands you his credit card. His eyes show relief when you take it. His phone beeps and when he checks it you know he’s needed. You won’t let him choose between his responsibilities and you so you relent.

[I’ll be waiting.]

He gives you a small smile, there’s a thousand questions on his face that he doesn’t ask.

~~~

Zayne watches you through the glass of the café. 

You’re sitting at a two-person table. There’s an empty coffee cup in front of you, its warmth long gone. You haven’t ordered any food which worries him. He’d never known you to give up free food.

All his previous attempts of envisioning you grown up fall spectacularly against the real deal. The lashes on your eyes that he wants to count individually. The blemishes on your face have him wanting to know how they got there. The long nails you have that seem almost inhuman have him intrigued. Every part of you tells a story he desperately wants to know but it’s a tale you’re not ready to divulge. 

Maybe you’d rather have Mara around. Zayne isn’t the type of person people go to for comfort. He understands that. He can’t give you what you need.

But, fuck , he’s going to try. For you.

You take notice of him when he enters the café. Instead of going straight to you, he walks over to the counter. You watch him confused at the action until he returns with two plates. One has a strawberry shortcake and the other is a chocolate cherry tart. Your eyes lit up at the sweets and he suppressed the laugh bubbling in his throat. He notices your focus on the shortcake and places it in front of you.

None of you say anything, simply picking up your spoons and digging in. Then, like it's second nature, you pick your plate up and Zayne does the same, you put the shortcake in front of him and he gives you the tart. Neither of you can help the wide grins you bear when you realise what you both have done. An old memory resurfaces in your mind.

The five of you are currently on your way to the park, walking through the town. It’s a nice sunny day and none of you had anything going on so why not enjoy each other’s company? 

Calen, Mara and Eiden are at the front, talking animatedly with each other. You and Zayne are walking behind silent. 

“What do you think [Na-” Mara cuts her own words off when she looks back to you and realises that neither you or Zayne are there. The three of them retrace their steps and find the both of you by the bakery, your faces nearly pressed up against the glass.

“They’re at it again,” Caleb says, annoyed. “Why were we even surprised,” Eiden comments. Mara can’t help but watch on in jealousy. You were her friend, it’s her you should be doing stuff like this with.

“Those weren’t there last week,” you let Zayne know, two pairs of eyes trained at the batch of desserts displayed through the glass. “You’re right.” The two of you waste no time entering.

“C’mon,” Caleb grabs the wrists of the two people by his side, leading them away. “We’ll come back for them, they’re in their own world now.” At least he won’t have to share Mara with you today.

Zayne and you have developed a ritual of sorts. Since you’re both just children, you can’t buy all the sweets you’d like to. Each of you only carries enough money for a singular sweet on your person. So, you each order a different one and share. You order a sachertorte while he gets the mille-feuille. 

The both of you sit down and only take two bites. The first to taste the desert and the second to confirm if it is actually good. You groan at the thick chocolate and moisture of the cake, “It’s really good.” Zayne has to be careful with his, it’s made of puff pastry and can easily crack. “The custard in this is perfect,” he lets you know. You swap your plates around and try the second one.

The lecture you’ll end up getting from your parents about having too many sweets is worth it.

The smiles don’t wear off as you reminisce. 

There’s the smile he looked for in each passing person.

The both of you just stare into each other’s eyes, the words of the others in the shop blur out. The comfortable silence you often shared with him in your childhood returns, two pairs of eyes do all the talking. You break the contact by blinking and that breaks him out of his stupor. 

“I..” his words trail off as he overthinks what he’s going to say. You try to give him a comforting smile.

“I won’t ask about what happened. I won’t ask about why you’re not speaking either just…” your breath hitches at the look he gives you, mixed with desperation and yearning. “Let me examine you. Then I’ll be at ease.” 

Your gaze falls over the empty coffee cup as you consider his words. [I don’t do well with hospitals…or doctors really.] 

“That’s fine. We can go to my place,” he negotiates.

You should say no. You should walk out of here and never come back to him, your mind screams at you.

But it’s Zayne. The same Zayne who had left when he hurt the girl he cared about, Mara, not able to deal causing pain to someone he loved. The same Zayne who became a cardiologist to try and make it up to her. 

At your discomfort, a smile adorns his face. “I’m glad to see at least something hasn’t changed,” he muses.

You shoot him a confused look. He pauses, a look of contemplation in his eyes, wondering if he should continue his thought. He does.

“When we were kids you hated being taken care of, even by your family. Almost like you didn’t believe you deserved it,” he explained. “It didn’t stop you from caring for everyone else though.”

You didn’t think anyone noticed your guilt.

There’s a gentle flick to your forehead, snapping you out of your thoughts. You look up at him in awe. “Many are not fortunate to have those who cherish them, so stop running,” his voice is in a whisper, soothing as always.

Ironically, he speaks nearly the same words you had to Caleb. You were always the biggest hypocrite you’ve met.

[Okay.]

~~~

The ride to his place is silent.

True to his word, it starts to pour heavily. You worry for Mara when you can hear thunder. Is she still afraid of it? Your gaze is out the window, committing each image to memory. Fauna and flora were scarce in the N109 zone but they flourish here in Linkon city. It’s nice to see. Linkon city looks so alive compared to what you’ve become used to.

Zayne opens the door for you as you get out of the car. His house is just what one would expect of him. White and black are the primary colours. Everything is placed neatly and organised in a fitting manner. It still feels like a home, you can tell the place is cherished. 

“Come to my office,” he leads you into a room. He gestures for you to sit at the chair by his desk and you do. 

His hand reaches for your scarf. “I’m going to take this off now. Is that okay?” You nod and wait with bated breath as he works on removing it, gently pulling out any hair tangled in it. His gaze is like steel when he sees the scar. You stop breathing all together when his fingers trace over it before removing them completely, his hand clenched into a ball by his side. Even his anger is silent. 

[It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt at all. I’ll speak again, don’t worry.] You don’t like seeing him like that. His eyes soften at your words. Only you would try and comfort him about your injury. He kneels before you, hands reaching your left one. He looks over the injury he had caused. He doesn’t have to speak for you to hear his thoughts. You pull your hand out of his.

[Not your fault.]

“How did you stop me that day?”

When you don’t make a move to sign, he sighs. Another secret…

“Neverm-”

[If I knew I would tell you. Truth is my body moved on its own that day. I haven’t done it since then.]

“Ah.” 

You can’t help the giddiness as you look over the boy you used to know. He’s become a man now, he’s become the Zayne you used to squeal over. Part of you misses the chubbiness he had in his face but the other part appreciated the sharp look he has now. He’s grown even more taller, and his clothes do a bad job of hiding the muscles underneath. And - oh wow- his eyes are so beautiful. You could look at them all day and never be bored.

Due to his stoicism, many like to paint him as a cold and indifferent person. You yourself thought he’d be like that with you, that his kindness was only reserved for the MC. You had been proven wrong every step of the way. You know better now.

That unlike his evol, Zayne is warm. Not in the way of body temperature or even his outward personality. He was warm in the way he adores animals. In the unique way he shows his care. In his touch. In the way he’d always been careful to never hurt your feelings growing up. You could go on about him all day. None of these things were noticeable at a first meeting with him, maybe even the second but you’re glad he let you in so you could learn them.

You have no doubt that he’s an amazing doctor. His patients must feel so lucky knowing that their physician will advocate for them and has their back. There are only four people that restore your faith in humanity and he’s one of them.

Without thinking, your hand reaches out and cradles his face. He lets out a gasp at the contact before engulfing your hand with his and leaning his face into your hand further. His eyes close and the peaceful expression on his face does not help the erratic beating of your heart.  

“I’ll make some tea. Would you like that?” He’s staring at you so earnestly as he kneels, your hands still touching. You lick your suddenly dry lips, all too aware of how his eyes follow the muscle. You nod. This was getting too intimate. He lets go of your hand and stands up. “I’ll be back,” he says.

You decide to survey his office while you wait. The chair you’re sitting on is comfortable. What catches your attention is the bookshelf mounted on the wall. You stand up and walk over to it. Your fingers trace over the spines.The books on it are mostly medical journals and none of them interest you. You stop before an item, one very familiar to you.

A record player.

You remember how frantically you had gone into every shop you came across, looking for a fitting gift. To your luck, you came across a shop with vintage goods. There had been many, in various colours but you thought Zayne would appreciate the dark wood one. The record player was small enough to carry in one’s arms. You picked out two music tracks to go with it. To your utter relief he had loved the gift. 

The shop had become a regular place to go with Zayne. It had a variety of vinyl records as well but they were expensive. The two of you would save up for them one by one. You helped him amass quite a collection. 

“You noticed it,” his words don’t surprise you. His steps in the kitchen and the noises of him preparing the tea were all clear to you, so was him making his way back. He’s holding a tray with two steaming cups on it. He sets it down on the desk and walks towards you.

[I can’t believe you still have it.] He shoots you an incredulous look. “Of course I did. I make sure to keep it in good condition as well.” He goes over to his desk, pulling out a drawer. The record in his hands is one you know very well. All the artists on these records were unknown to you and this record is no exception. Except for the fact that you ended up becoming a huge fan of the artist. It’s a classical melody. The notes are simple but are so hauntingly beautiful. It’s engraved into your heart.

[It’s our song.]

“Yes it is.”

He places the record onto the player. Familiar music begins playing. You close your eyes to take it in, your head bopping to the tune. Zayne watches as you do the same notion you had when he first played the record. It’s soothing that some old parts of you still remain.

When your eyes open, you stare in shock at his outstretched hand. His cheeks glow with a red hue.

“Indulge me.”

Please. 

You stare at his palm.

What are you thinking, Zayne? She’s not ready for something like-

You place your hand in his. 

He stares in awe at the flustered look you have. It’s him that’ll need a heart transplant if you keep this up.

Your fingers lace together and he uses the momentum to gently pull you closer. His other hand goes on your lower back while you keep yours on his upper arm. You push your face into his chest as you sway together, you can’t handle looking into his eyes. You dance for a while completely unaware of the turmoil in his mind.

You feel his face move closer to your head. He places a tender kiss to the side of your head. Everything you’ve been holding in seems to break. He holds you tighter when he feels you shake, the wet of your tears decorate his neck. His hand caresses your head over and over again. It’s comfort at its best.

“I’m here,” he whispers against your head. “Let it all out.” It kills him inside how much you seem to need this. How he can’t even hear your cries. It’s fine, he’ll take whatever you give him.

Later, Zayne carries you to his bed. You had cried in his arms for nearly an hour until you passed out from the exhaustion. He lowers you onto the bed, making sure to take the coat off. Pulling the duvet over you, he sits down by your side and examines your face. Your eyes were puffy from the tears but it looked like you really needed this.

As much as he doesn’t want to, he gets up to leave. His movement is stopped by a hand on his wrist. ‘Stay,’ you mouth at him. You push yourself to the other side of the bed, patting the spot you were previously on. He gets on and settles in. You give him a sleepy smile and doze off.

He doesn’t sleep.

Watching you is enough.

You should’ve left. You should’ve gotten into a car and drove off. You should not have stayed. Because you’ve given a very desperate man a taste of you and he’s not letting you go now.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

No more regrets. No more missed chances. The two of you have a lot of time to make up for. 

~~~

The dreams of her no longer exist.

No longer does he see her.

His one solace is gone.

The first time he saw her was the night he killed his father.

She had looked at him with eyes so soft while crying blood. The red ran down her and pooled at their feet. Her hands held his tight as his ice impaled them but she never let go. Instead of the disgust that should’ve been in those divine eyes, there was acceptance. She accepted his chaos with a smile of understanding. 

And in turn he left her for his loathing screamed louder.

It yelled sinner while pointing at him.

He hurt her. The biggest sin there is.

So, he’ll punish himself by leaving his heart with her.

He doesn’t dream of her past that encounter. She shows up younger each time. Their time together is backwards. Studying for upcoming exams, going out for ice cream, supporting her in her endeavours, celebrating birthdays together.

For a few years it brings him relief until he sleeps one night and dreams of their first meeting. Then, she’s gone.

He still dreams of himself going to medical school, surrounded by peers yet still so alone. He sees the life he’s built without her while clinging to the hope that he’ll share it with her one day.

Until tearful brown eyes tell him that his heart is gone. That his heart has left him and he’s still alone.

He doesn’t sleep after that. There’s no hope now, he’ll never dream of her again.

~~~

You wake up to a strong grip around you.

Sunlight is shining down on you and the brightness makes you groan as you begin to stir but the arms don’t loosen instead they tighten even more. After gaining some more consciousness, you realise that there’s a head tucked into your neck. Zayne is pressed so tightly against you, he’s holding on like you’ll disappear again. His hair slightly tickles your skin but surprisingly the closeness and the touch is welcomed. No, that’s too little of a word but you don’t have anything to describe what you’re feeling. This was the sort of peace you’d long given up on, the last you had felt it was in your childhood. His warmth and grip soothes you back to sleep. 

Zayne awakens for the second time. 

The first time had been around 5:00 AM, a habit he had gained from all those early starts at the hospital. He’d been convinced the day before was all some twisted dream he had imagined until he became aware of the body tucked into his. You were facing him with your head into his chest, the two of you were on your side of the bed meaning it was him who had reached out for you in his sleep. 

It was the best sleep of his life. 

With reluctance (he thanked the amount of control over himself he gained these years because you kept challenging it at every step) he had unwrapped himself from you. Not wanting to wake you up, he walked out to his balcony. Zayne placed a quick call and let his work know he wouldn’t be in for a couple of days. Before he went back inside he saw something red glint in the trees but it was gone as quick as it shone. Probably a trick of the light, he thought and went back inside. To you.

Somewhere outside, a caw is heard. 

When he entered his room, your sleeping position had changed, facing away from him. With no hesitation, he wrapped himself around you again. The fear of you leaving him was fresh in his mind. The second time he wakes up, the clock says 9:00 AM but he doesn’t care. You’re not on the bed and it has his mind moving too fast. 

You’re not in the bathroom and he rushes out of the room. 

It’s only when he enters the kitchen that he calms down. You’re concentrating on the vegetables you’re cutting as a pan sizzles on the stove. 

You turn towards him when you hear his footsteps. You shoot him a quick smile before putting down the knife in your hands so you could sign. [“Morning.”]

Zayne doesn’t say a word as he walks toward you. You look at him in confusion but before you can ask anything, you’re nearly tackled in a strong hug. His arms lock around you and he presses his head into your neck. “Don’t just…leave like that,” he says into your neck, pressing a lingering kiss on the skin there, a shiver involuntarily crawls up your spine at the action. 

You pull away from each other and you nod at him. [“I won’t.”] But you can’t help the grin when you take over his disheveled appearance. Since he’s always so put together, the rare moments he’s not are too entertaining. Your hand reaches out to pat down his hair, bed hair was still his worst enemy. He bends his neck down for easier access and you can easily see that the tips of his ears are red.

He’s too fucking cute. 

He looks at what you’re preparing. “What are you making?” 

[“Omelette.”] 

He lets out a hum before gently pushing you out the way. “Let me.” 

You pout but don’t fight him on it. He chuckles at your face. You take the time to just watch him. The all too familiar guilt settles in as your eyes take him in. There’s a gentle look in his eyes, lips almost quirked, he looks so at ease. You had done that. Could you really leave him behind again? 

2. Get them all out of your system.

Two days.

Including today, that’s how long you had until your business was over. You’ll spend it by Zayne’s side, you’ll tell him the truth of everything you’ve been through and then you’ll leave Linkon and never look back. It’s a good thing he’s Ei’s doctor, any questions can be asked directly to him, no sneaking around the hospital would be needed. Which is a relief, it took everything in you to enter the building.

You’ll visit Caleb again before you leave, this time you’ll say a proper goodbye even if it kills your throat and you never speak again. It’ll be worth it.

As for Mara, well you’ll meet her again soon. She should be looking for a way to enter the N109 zone. 

That just left your brother.

The glimpse of Eiden had been enough, you had looked over every detail about his husband, Arjun. He was clean, a few late bills here and one jaywalking fine. Your brother has moved on and surprisingly you don’t feel sad about it. He learnt to live without you and is surrounded by people who care for him. He doesn’t need you anymore, not when you only bring strife into his life. The last thing you’ll do for him is find him a heart. Whether it’s yours or you have to rip one out of someone doesn’t matter. For Ei, you’ll do anything.

The clacking of a plate being placed in front of you snaps you out of it. Zayne gives you a curious look. “What are you thinking about?”

He settles down a cup for you next to your plate. You examine it. [“No coffee?”] 

“It’s ginger tea with honey. It’s good for your throat. You can have coffee later.”

[“Boo.”] 

Despite your words, you drink the tea. The pleased expression on his face at your obedience should not delight you as much as it does. This man is dangerous. 

[“I was thinking about Eiden,”] you answer, placing the cup down. [“How has he been?”]

Zayne stares at you for a few seconds, debating whether to answer but the desperation in your eyes seems to win him over. “As well as he can be, I suppose. He sustained multiple stab wounds that night. One near his heart and another…right by it.” He pauses to see your reaction but this is not news to you. You give him a reassuring smile and nod to continue.

“He was rushed into an emergency surgery. It’s very rare to survive a stab wound to the heart, especially with so many other wounds.” He looks away before meeting your inquiring gaze. “I have no idea how he survived. He’s been in and out of the hospital since. He came into my care by recommendation of his previous doctor when his heart gave out and they determined he needed a transplant. They thought he’d have a better chance at Akso,” he picks up your hand and squeezes in comfort. “I promise I’ll do my best for him but…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence and he doesn’t need to. The silence is loud.

You can’t help but pull your hand away, tucking it away as you clutch into yourself. It’s a defence tactic you used in your cage. Funny how it was so effective when you were being tortured but so useless now.

Zayne doesn’t even blink as he watches you. There’s nothing he can say or do to make this better and it ruins him. 

[“The night…I was taken, I saw them all get murdered in front of me. I was so helpless to do anything,”] the tears are instant as you communicate. “You don’t ha-”

[“No. I need to do this.”]

“Understood,” he gave you a comforting smile, reaching out to tuck some fallen hair strands behind your ear. “Go on,” he spoke. He had the type of voice that could command armies, what luck for all of us that he chose to heal instead. 

[“I still remember the sound of the knife penetrating his skin. I counted it all in my head. One. Two. He stopped screaming after five. Unconscious by eight. They could have stopped but they continued until twenty. I was so sure he was dead. This entire time I comforted myself that at least he wouldn’t have to live with the pain but I was so wrong. How is it fair that he suffered this whole time only to die now?”] 

Your sight is blurry with tears, all you feel is the strong arms that lift you up as you’re placed into a lap. Zayne caresses the back of your head as he holds you. It’s a repeat of yesterday.

Yeah fuck getting them out of your system, that’s not going to be possible. Not when they treat you like this. You’ll just have to make all this affection enough. You know you can’t stick around because at your core you are greedy and you’ll take and leave them with nothing.

It’s better for all of them that you’re gone. You’re a stain, a parasite, one that should never have been reborn. 

Yeah , you think as you lean further into him, remember you don’t deserve this. Remember your place. 

~~~

The water cascades down on him.

The temperature is too hot, his skin is flushed and he can feel it drying but he doesn’t care. He can’t even pick up his hand to adjust it. His mind is still focused on everything you told him. 

After calming down, you moved on to the topic of what you had experienced in those five years. Zayne could only watch as you took off your top and showed all the scars adorning your body. He could only watch as you described the horrors you suffered through. As you told him that you were murdered over and over again.

This uncomfortable heat is nothing compared to what you had gone through. His hand reaches out to turn the heat higher. It’ll do for now, his own way of apologising because he never looked for you, for believing you were dead all this time…for failing you.

Never again, he promises.

Never again.

~ ~~

The monster had gotten a hit.

His lack of sleep had distracted him. His lack of heart meant he was no longer the calculated killer other’s saw him as.

He passes out in the alley, blood rushing out from the wound on his abdomen.

But this time, he dreams of her again.

Broken eyes stare at him and then she runs. He gives chase and begs her to stay. She does.

His heart can no longer speak.

She’s older now with her own monsters.

At least the ones he hunts are unwilling, pawns to whatever God is laughing at their struggle.

He feels the warmth of her hand as it encases his, she’s accepted him once again. She tries to give him that smile of understanding.

He pleads to himself.

Don’t leave her again.

Chapter Text

He sleeps peacefully for the first time in a while, looking forward to dreaming. He knows you’ll be in them after all. 

~~~

She can’t help herself by watching over the two.

She finds herself enamoured with the young women entering the tower. The one with the wrong heart. Destiny prevents her from intervening, she knows their ending and the suffering in their future.

So, she watches.

Sees as the Foreseer who should have killed her did not. Sees as the girl with the wrong heart grows a Jasmine. Sees as he dies and the girl with the wrong heart is left alone.

She begs the god to not curse him. To love was not a sin and they should not be punished.

But Astra never listens to her.

~~~

Mara rubs her shoulder before sighing.

The wanderer had gotten her good.

She brushes the pain off, her entire body ached anyway. It’s the new norm for her. For the last few months she’d been going on mission after mission. She took each blow she received with stride and despite the worry of others, she was never in a hurry to see a doctor after.

It was what she deserved.

Caleb and Gran were taken from her because she was too weak.

You were taken because she was too weak.

Maybe that’s why she’s been overworking herself, either to become stronger or maybe because she wishes she’ll die trying.

At least then she’ll be back with you guys.

~~~

You study the picture in front of you.

In it, you’re perched atop Caleb’s shoulders with Mara and Eiden on your right and Zayne on the left. You were wearing your team’s colours. You remember it now. It was the first soccer match of yours that Zayne had ever attended. He was always too busy so him showing up meant a lot to you.

You’re covered in dirt in the photo but no one cares. It was a happy occasion and you can’t help the smile that crosses your face.

Zayne watches as you reminisce about simpler times.

While it had been just another fond memory for you, Zayne saw it differently. The first time he saw you in a different light. 

The two of you had a lot of similarities growing up. The both of you were seen by others to be calm, composed and reserved. It had its pros like having the trust of the adults around but he thought of it more as a con. Having to be the mature ones while the kids around you always got away with everything. The excuse of ‘they’re just kids’ never seemed to apply to the two of you. It was frustrating being spoken down to for being a child and simultaneously being treated like an adult. Yet another reason why he saw kinship in you.

He remembers the way your eyes lit up when you saw him in the crowd. He didn’t understand it at the time, it wasn’t like you needed him to play better. Why did his support mean so much?

You were completely different when you played, your usual calm demeanour was gone and in its place was an animal. You tore through the field like it was nothing, not caring for those in your path. He’d never once seen you with a hair out of place but in the field you were covered in mud and didn’t even flinch at it. It riled him up as well, he had no idea how well you played. Soon, he was joining the other two in screaming your name. All three of them had no problem yelling at the referee for unfair calls either. Eiden had tried to calm them down but his voice was like a whisper in the crowd.

After the match was over, you hugged all of them. His white shirt was stained with the mud but it never once occurred to him to care. The four of you were in a world of your own where no adults could dictate how you should behave. He showed up for every single match after that. It became yet another tradition in your little group.

You set down the picture. Dwelling on the past only brings you hurt. And you don’t need that feeling right now.

Your second day back in Linkon had gone similarly to your first. Telling Zayne everything had been therapeutic. Part of you feels bad for unloading so much of your shit on him emotionally but you squash it down after he reassured you it was okay. Your selfishness is nothing new.

But you’re tired of crying now. You have one more day left with him before Sylus picks you up tomorrow and you’re not going to waste it.

Speaking of Sylus, the one thing you’ve hidden from Zayne is your working with Onychinus. He knows that you have to leave tomorrow but he has no idea why. He doesn’t know you’re living in the N109 zone currently but he promised to look at apartments here for you while you’re gone. A gentleman as always.

“Are you ready?” said man asked. He’s wearing a black button up with pants, paired with a long brown coat. How he manages to make such simple clothes look so elegant, you’ll never know.

He had left yesterday to your hotel room and brought back the clothes you had packed for your trip so you could have a change of clothes ready. So, you’re dressed in a white skirt and top. You’ve foregone a jacket as the weather should be nicer and if it’s not well then you’ll just steal Zayne’s. 

You nod and he gestures to the door. The two of you make your way to his car which you wait in while he locks the door. It was his idea to go to the movies today and you came up with the plan to go to a nice restaurant after.

~~~

“That’s two tickets for ‘Pineapple Express 2: Blood red’, right?” the employee asked.

Zayne confirms with her. He’s holding both the popcorn and drink in his hands, refusing to let you hold onto them.

“Great! You and your wife can go ahead to Cinema Two,” the employee with the blonde hair beamed at the two of you.

Zayne goes still at her word but you keep your calm. You wrap your arm around his and mimic her smile right back at her. You lead the still frozen man towards the cinema, laughing internally at his bright red face. 

[“Let’s go, husband.”] you grin at him. 

His gaze on you hardens but there’s mirth in there as well. Zayne unhooks his hand with yours and instead brings his arm around your waist and pulls you even closer to his side. “Don’t regret this,” he whispers into your ear, “... wife .” 

You ignore your breath hitching as the both of you make your way inside the cinema. You also ignore the subtle smirk he houses at your reaction. 

He doesn’t make it any easier by keeping a hand on your thigh during the whole movie. His thumb rests right between your legs and it takes all you have to not do something about the way it rubs on your skin. 

~~~

“Ah, there’s the reservation for Mr Li,” the host told the two of you. “You and your wife can follow me, I’ll show you to your table.”

If you could laugh, you would.

All day today people kept thinking that you two were married. First it was some old ladies at the mall where the cinema was, they cooed at how cute you two were, reminiscing about their own marriages. Then it was the cinema employee. After that it was a group of boys inside the cinema that gave the two of you their nice seats, so you could enjoy your date they informed you. Now, it was your host. He happily led you to a table for two located right by the large windows in this skyrise restaurant, with an amazing view waiting for you.

You suppose the way you’re always pressed up against each other doesn’t exactly help.

Neither of you ever corrected anyone, you try to tell yourself the privileges of the lie were the reason but deep down you know the truth.

Because being married to Zayne doesn’t sound bad at all.

How ironic considering you despised the idea in your first life. Remembering your ex-husband leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You hated that fucker. 

But with Zayne it could be…nice. 

The way he’s been taking care of you for the last two days was an indication of a future with him, he would be reliable. That’s what you need, what you’ve always wanted. 

Someone reliable.

Someone you could always trust, no doubt in your mind about their intentions. Someone you could be weak around because ultimately they knew you can be strong when it matters. Someone content with letting you shine, never holding you down but instead lifting you up.

Just…someone happy to be by your side, neither of you having any secret expectations of the other.

The man had literally seen you come back from the dead and not only did he understand your need to not ask questions, he’s prepared to keep it a secret from all those you both care about. All for you.  

You can’t help yourself from fantasising about a life with him. The security he’s offered in the last two days has been priceless.

You could open that bakery you’ve always wanted since your first life. The two of you would wake up early together, reluctantly removing yourselves from the other’s embrace. Then you both would enter the bathroom, doing your individual routines but right next to each other. He’d prepare coffee for you, it tastes better when he makes it. Sometimes he’ll betray you by making tea instead, stating you drink too much coffee and though you’ll pout, you do what he says. You’ll alternate with making breakfast since most times he would be in a rush to the hospital. He’d kiss you on the head before leaving and you both would go to your respective cars and start your day.

You’ll visit him when you have a break, with food in hand because he always forgets to eat.

Sure, it won’t be a perfect life, you’ll have fights from time to time but you brush those thoughts off, what use does reality have in fantasy?

Maybe you’ll even have children together.

Wait…could you even have them anymore?

Did you ever want them?

In your first marriage, you spent most of it praying to a god you didn’t believe in for it not to happen. Luck was on your side that your ex was too busy with work to think of it.

But the first thing to stop completely as a result of starvation had been your period. You went years without it and it only started back up a few months ago. You never went to a doctor about your fertility, too scared of not receiving an answer you didn’t want. Hell, you had no idea what answer you did want. 

You like to think that Zayne’s the type of guy that would let his partner choose. He's a doctor after all. Even if his focus is on the heart, he has the knowledge of what exactly pregnancy entails and the damage it can do to a parent’s body.

Maybe you’ll adopt.

No, this thinking is dangerous , you tell yourself.

You stop the images in your head of raising a child with him because even in your fantasy the idea of you raising a child makes you laugh. You’d be a terrible parent. 

There’s no point in losing yourself to fictional ideas. This is your last day with him, just enjoy it.

Zayne pulls out the chair for you, waiting until you’ve sat down before taking his seat. The action makes you feel warm. A simple action yet the first time someone has done it for you. And he did it like it was second nature. 

The dinner is…weird.

There’s been a tension between the two of you, it started when he pulled you closer and called you wife. It had been difficult to focus on the movie when he was right there next to you. 

The tension is there as you both look over the menu and order. It’s there as your food goes ignored since you’re both too busy staring at the other. It’s there when you decide to go home and do something about it.

There’s a demand in his eyes when he stands up from the table and reaches a hand out to you.

Take my hand if your answer is yes , it says. 

You take his hand.

~~~

You’re pressed against the front door the second you enter.

His hand is behind your head to prevent you getting hurt. His mouth is on yours before you can question anything. It moves so elegantly against yours that it has you seeing stars.

You clutch at his jacket, desperately holding on. His other hand reaches out to your thigh, picking your leg up and wrapping it around him. He pulls away from your mouth, laughing softly when you look shocked at the action. The hand behind your head moves and repeats the same action as its former. 

“Tell me no and I’ll stop,” he whispers into your lips. [“Don’t stop.”]

His eyes go dark.

“I gave you an out,” his voice deepens. “Remember that.” 

Faster than you can react, you’re hoisted up and he’s carrying you into the bedroom. 

He pushes you down on the bed, his lips are back on yours. The temperature in the room drops now much colder. His fingers trace over your collarbone and you shiver at the coldness of his skin on yours. It’s weird how his touch is freezing while his mouth feels so warm. Those same fingers trace downwards towards the hem on your shirt, tugging on it gently to let you know what he wants.

He pulls away from your mouth and removes the shirt, carelessly tossing it towards a corner of the room. His gaze wanders over you and you feel yourself flush at the attention. It’s different from when you showed your scars, back then his gaze had been remorseful but now it was hungry. Appreciative even.

His eyes trail over your skin, he shrugs off his coat before his lips are on you again.

Zayne gives you peck on your lips before moving onto one on your jaw, littering you with kisses as they trail down to your neck where he starts to suck, leaving his mark on you. The image in your head of the hickeys has you clench your legs together. 

Then you feel it. The cold in the room is now borderline unbearable. He flinches away from you in pain. A grunt leaves him and you glance down to the hand he’s holding in pain. Ice encases it, you can see it engulfing all the way up to his neck. 

You sit up as he manoeuvres himself off you, settling by the edge of the bed. 

You can practically hear his thoughts, even when he’s in so much pain, his mind is on you. He tries to move off the bed, he doesn’t want to add another scar onto your body but just like in your childhood, you don’t let him.

It was concern that drove you when you were younger but now it’s anger. Anger at the God that cursed him across lifetimes. Someone speaks in your head.

Destiny can’t stop you now. Fix him.

Just like before, your body moves on its own. Your hand wraps around the wrist of the arm he’s clutching in pain. “Don’t-” he tries to pull his arm out of your grip but it’s a weak attempt, he cuts off his own words by groaning in pain. Tears gather in your eyes at the sound, you never want him in pain again.

The same gold glow from before returns, gathered at the hold you have on him. It’s different now, brighter - stronger. You feel the power inside you, you’re no longer that weak little kid, you’re capable of so much more. He’ll never experience this again , you tell yourself.

Zayne’s eyes open as he feels the pain retreat, he stares at you in wonder and in panic. His gaze moves across your face, waiting for the blood to pour out of you, waiting for even an ounce of pain. It doesn’t come. You stare back at him with confidence.

His eyes move on the glow watching as its brightness gradually dims until there’s nothing left. When you remove your hand, the both of you are shocked. Around the very wrist you had been holding is an imprint. A tattoo. It’s a gold vine, circling around his wrist. You know its meaning but you don’t know how you know. 

[“You’ll never lose control again.”]

Your words have him speechless. 

His hands are trembling as they cradle your face. “Are you hurt?” is all he asks. You smile at him, putting your own hand over his and leaning into the touch.

[“It no longer hurts me.”]

Your admission is all he needs. He kisses you in such a frenzy that you’re unable to hold yourself up, the two of you tumble back onto the bed. His body pressed up right against yours. His hands spread your thighs open so he can move right in. Your mouth opens in a gasp when you feel his bulge press into you. He repeats the notion, moving his hips back before driving them into you again. Your nails dig into his skin at the tease, a hint of what’s to come. 

His hands reach down to cup your breasts, his thumbs circling your hardened nipples through the fabric of your bra.

He practically tears the garment off you. 

“Fuck,” his voice is in a low growl as he curses, taking you in.

His gaze evokes a sense of pride in you, you had spent the last two years rebuilding this body after all. It felt nice to be appreciated.

[“All for you…

Husband .”]

You smile at him smugly when he freezes at the title. His eyes narrow at you. 

“You’re going to regret that.”

He wastes no time in leaning down and taking one nipple into his mouth, practically eating you like a starved man. Though in a way you suppose he was one.

Your moans are unfortunately silenced as you arch your back, offering yourself up as his feast. 

Your hands clutch at his shirt, the fabric disappoints you. You want to feel him, feel his skin on yours. You tug at the shirt and he lets go of your nipple with a soft chuckle. But he gives in to your demand.

The sight before you causes you to bite your lip. He should be illegal. The muscles you had drooled over, when he was just pixels on your screen, now are before you. Your eyes fall over his arms, you take in the scars and the curves, the pull-ups he does have definitely paid off. You try to sit up and reach your hands out for him, a desire to explore ignites in you.

Your whine doesn’t escape you when instead his hands catch your wrists, forcing your back into his mattress once again. “No,” he says, a small smirk on his face as he hovers above you. “It’s your punishment for being a brat.”

He lets go of your wrists and begins unbuckling his belt. It falls somewhere in his room, the buckle making a small clang. He doesn’t remove his pants but you finally have a clear picture of his bulge. You swallow at how big it looks.

He settles inside your legs, his fingers hooking into the sides of your skirt, pulling it off you. You’re left in your underwear but even that is gone quickly. 

“I’ve dreamt of this,” he admits, meeting your gaze. His hand cups your pussy, one finger finding your clit, rubbing in slow circles. You silently moan, your hips bucking up to meet his touch. “I never thought I’d experience this for real,” he continues, slipping a finger inside you, finding a suitable rhythm to fuck you. You grasp tightly at his sheets, it has been years for you, every touch is heightened, his cold touch doesn’t help.

“Now, I get to taste you,” another finger makes its way inside you. His gaze is heavy, “...and I’m not stopping until I’m satisfied.”

He notices when you jolt as they reach a certain spot and he moves faster. Tears gather in your eyes at the sheer pleasure you’re feeling. You’re so full from just his fingers, you can’t help but wonder how the real thing will feel.

Zayne sees your eyes glaze over, you tilt your head away from him. He tsks. He can’t have that. Your head is forced back towards him. “No,” he chastises. You feel that once familiar sensation pooling in your gut, you’re close and he knows it too. “Let me see my wife’s pretty face or I stop,” he threatens. You nod in response and he smiles, leaning down to kiss the side of your face. 

Your heartbeat drums in your chest as you’re brought closer to the edge. You collapse back further into the mattress as your orgasm, your legs twitching at his sides. Through it all you keep your teary eyes on his as he drinks up the sight. 

Your chest heaves up and down as you come down from the high, whining when you feel him remove his fingers from inside you. Your eyes widen as he brings those two fingers closer to his mouth and cleans them. “Hmm,” he groans, “delicious.”

He removes his underwear and pants and you’re left with the sight of his cock. Just as you thought, it’s big but that’s not what worries you. The thickness is what does. 

Zayne doesn’t waste any time, you were already so wet for him, so ready. He positions his dick at your entrance, pushing in slowly. You moan at the stretch, your body trying its best to accommodate him. 

He puts his forehead against yours, moving his body forward and further into you. His hands go back to your face, holding your head in place so you can’t look away. He waits a little bit for you to get used to the stretch, kissing you to fill in the time. When he pulls away, you give a nod.

He starts to move, his hips thrusting against yours, sliding in and out of you. He hits the spots that have you seeing stars.

You wrap your legs around him, pulling him as close as possible. Your arms hold onto his shoulders, nails digging in. Skin breaks apart, you have no doubt beads of blood are rolling down his back. “ Naughty thing ,” he hisses, moving even faster in retaliation. His thumb is back on your clit.

You feel another orgasm approaching and with the way he’s grunting above you, so is he. Your mouth opens as you climax, he takes the opportunity to kiss you, moaning into your mouth as he finishes. 

Zayne collapses on top of you, body slick with sweat. The both of you are panting as you lay together, with him still inside you. He smiles softly while moving some stray strands of hair away from your face. The kiss he gives you is slow as he takes his time.

You both lose yourself in the intimacy.

~~~

Your entire front side is pressed against the cold tiles of the shower as Zayne drills into you.

Your face is squished into them, your hips pressed against the other. His arm is around your waist holding you up since your legs are too weak. Both of your fingertips are pruned from how long you’ve been in the shower.

It was supposed to be quick, washing yourselves from the previous sex and then cuddling with each other. But Zayne was damn near insatiable. 

His face is crammed into the back of your neck. New hickeys decorate it. He presses a kiss to the back of your shoulder. “It’s the last one, I promise,” he whispers. 

Liar. He’s a liar. That’s what he said when he first took you in the shower. That was two rounds ago!

You suppose you’re no better, despite his claims you know him so well that he’ll stop if you don’t want to continue. You don’t want him to stop. All your experiences with touch had been replaced by the hands of the guards as they forced you down when killing you, you need to change it. Replace the feeling with something better and Zayne is doing just that. 

Your pelvis aches, your mind is too hazy from the overstimulation to concentrate on anything.

With a grunt, he finishes inside you once again, you don’t have to look at his face to see that he’s disappointed when the water washes your fluids away. He’s grown obsessed with cumming inside you. 

Not at all true to his promise, he insists on going down on you when you finally try to sleep. That’s what leads you to now. He’s fast asleep while the ache all over your body keeps you up. Your thighs are now littered with bite marks and numerous dark hickeys.

Sleep keeps teasing you, you feel your eyes grow heavy but a sudden ping from your phone catches your attention.

Boss

I’ve told the twins to not bother you.

I’ll pick you up from the hotel when your three days are over.

Sylus had sent that message an hour after leaving you in Linkon, you had responded with a simple ‘okay’. He’s sent new messages.

Boss

I’m outside.

Any sleep you had is gone by the panic that overtakes you. You rush to respond.

You

I’m not at the hotel

I’ll be there in an hour

You practically leap off the bed, how Zayne doesn’t wake up as you run around the room gathering all your things, you have no idea. Another ping comes from your phone.

Boss

No.

I’m outside your doctor’s house.

Chapter Text

Forgive me, he begs.

~~~

The presence is always there.

Throughout all the constant sounds in this place.

Scribbling on paper. Clacking of the keys on the computer. Beeping from whatever machines they use.

Most of the words spoken and actions taken by the scientists around her are too complex for her child mind to understand. All she knows is that they hurt her.

They hurt her a lot.

That’s what 02 told her. 

Caleb, she informs herself, his name is Caleb. Remember it.

Her mind is too unreliable. She never remembers anything. She relies on 0-Caleb to let her know but as young as she is, she can still tell that he omits information from her. She’s too tired to care.

Her mind may not remember but her body does.

Phantom aches and pain that will pop up out of nowhere. The sensation of being cut open.

The sensation of feeling her heart stop.

Surrounded by bleak walls, lab equipment, being labelled as a test subject and she’s confident that whoever decorated this hell was simply told “White. Make it all white.”, it doesn’t take long for her to put it all together. 

What they’re doing to her.

She’s glad she doesn’t remember any of it.

Other than Caleb, there’s always someone with her. Or something.

A comforting presence. 

Invisible to everyone. Even Caleb.

Or maybe not.

It’s around her at all times but it only reaches out in her last moments, before she forgets everything and her personal hell starts all over again.

The presence only reaches out when she’s about to fade, a soothing sensation of a hand caressing her head, cool to the touch. 

Sometimes she swears she can hear a voice, a voice that’s sobbing,

It repeats, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”, over and over again.

The next time she awakens, it’s in a nice house. She has a grandma and a brother(?) of sorts. He tells her to call him Caleb. 

She forgets all about the presence. She doesn’t feel it again.

Until the eyes of her new neighbour bore into her and she’s smitten.

Completely unaware that her presence has made its way back to her.

All she knows is her mind is screaming to never let her go.

~~~

Sylus knew he shouldn’t have let you go.

But he always finds himself caving in when you plead.

It wasn’t even like this was new to him, he’d always let you get away with things. The mercy he granted to you had yet to be given to anyone else. He should’ve ended your suffering all those years ago instead he fought against fate to keep you alive. He had thought of you as the most beautiful unpolished gem in his collection. His . 

Yet it had been that exact thinking that flowed into his attitude towards you that had driven you away. Something he shouldn’t care about yet it’s constantly present in the back of his mind.

His mind that has been struck by a disease, one named after you. Selfish desires ignite in him - thoughts of keeping you locked up, chained to him - something that should disgust him. 

It doesn’t. 

It’s unlike him. He’d walk away from Mara if she asked but Sylus can’t do it for you. It’s not fair, not to you. He’s aware of it, of how morally wrong his behaviour is. You deserve better, you deserve stability. 

It’s okay. He’s learnt now, he can give you that. After he personally delivers the heads of every single person involved in your suffering. After he builds you so strong that no one can hurt you again. Not even him.

His thoughts have become erratic in your absence. On day one alone, not a single person could escape his wrath. He checked his phone, there were no messages from you. He can’t even remember the last time he had lost control over himself like this.

On day two, he sent Mephisto after you.

No messages.

On day three, the crow returned.

No messages.

Red and black mist destroy everything in the room as he watches you cling to another man. You smile and look at the man so fondly. You give him your affection so freely when it took you two years to even touch Sylus.

The doctor had gotten further with you in two days than Sylus had in two years.

The revelation breaks him. The anger coursing through his veins is not directed at you but himself. He doesn’t blame you for seeking comfort you desperately needed, comfort Sylus had failed to give you.

He’ll fix it.

Please let him fix it. 

~~~

You feel your heart drop as you look at the latest message from Sylus. 

You look at the bedroom door in horror. He’s outside. Why the fuck is he outside!

No , you shake your head, he doesn’t deserve my fear . With a new found resolve, you grab your bag and leave but not before stopping to look at the figure sleeping on the bed. He looks so serene. So beautiful. 

You’ve already broken your promise to Zayne, you’re leaving him in the dead of the night. It’s cruel but that is what you’ve always been. You try to comfort yourself that it’s better this way, that he learns the girl from his childhood was a fake. Remember your place , you tell yourself, you’re nothing but a selfish bitch , but the trembling off your lips gives it all away.

With a heavy heart, you walk away from the man that had brought you peace even if it had been just for a little while.

Sylus clenches his hand as he takes in your approaching figure.

He’s parked right outside Zayne’s house, leaning against his car.

His jaw locks as he takes in your dishevelled state, the shirt that does nothing to hide the marks on your neck, your bruised lips and the way you’re walking with a slight limp.

He had not expected this. 

You still at his expression, watching him with a wary look. He sighs, taking in a deep breath, forcing himself to look nonchalant. Getting angry and losing control would deliver the opposite results he was looking for. He walks over to the passenger seat and opens it.

“Get in.”

You don’t move. After a little more silence, you bring your hands up.

[“You’re not mad?”]

He closes the door and walks towards you. His steps are at a normal pace to not spook you. You don’t do a thing as he comes into your space, fingers gently grazing at the marks that should’ve been from him.

“I’d rather we talk about this in a warm lit room than out here in the dead of the night,” the man smiles at you. It doesn’t match the look in his eyes. “It would be more ideal, don’t you think?”

The air around you suddenly becomes colder. Ice encases the hand Sylus was touching you with, an arm pushes you away from him and into someone else’s back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Zayne asks him, an eyebrow raised.

“ Oh? What’s this?” Sylus smirks at the black-haired man. Not at all intimidated, he leans right into Zayne’s face. “A hero to the rescue, is that how you see yourself?” he finishes. 

Zayne doesn’t even flinch as he stares right back into Sylus’s gaze. “What gives you the right to touch her?”

You watch the exchange in slight amusement. 

Honestly it looks like they’re about to kiss. You take in the scene again, there’s a spark between them that they don’t realise. It’s chemistry if you’ve ever seen it. Ignited by mutual hatred. You try to bite down the smirk rising within you, this will be entertaining. 

“I’m her boss,” the man answers simply. “The one who’s been taking care of her this entire time. Where were you while she was suffering?” 

The hairs on the back of your neck rise, goosebumps are all over your body and when you exhale you can see your breath in the air. All of it as a result as the temperature around you becomes even chillier as Zayne takes in Sylus’s jab. 

His lips curl into a snarl and unfortunately you have to ignore how it turns you on because these two idiots will kill each other if this keeps up. Luckily, you have just the weapon to disarm them both.

“Z-zayne.”

The two men freeze as they stare at you in awe. Your voice is scratchy, hoarse from years of unuse. Yet they drink it up like it’s nectar.

It had been a gamble but you figured after two years of resting, you could at least say one word. Thankfully, it worked.

Your hand wraps around his upper arm as you guide him away from Sylus. The man watches the two of you with steel eyes. At your touch, Zayne’s evol melts away.

[“He’s right. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here. I owe him my life.”] you explain.

“I can tell he’s not a normal man,” Zayne cups your cheek. “Just what have you involved yourself in,” there’s only worry in his eyes as he gazes at you. You smile as you lean into his touch.

[“Nothing I can’t handle.”] you reassure him. 

“You promised you weren’t going to leave,” he doesn’t say it like an accusation but it still stabs you like one. The two of you ignore the scoff from a certain man.

[“I wasn’t lying,”] you say as you lie. [“I have your number, remember? I’ll visit. We need to talk anyways.”] 

You take in his demeanour and just like that, he easily crumbles down your walls. It had been so easy for you to walk away from people once but despite your earlier bravado you don’t think you have it in you to do it again. Not as he looks so afraid you’ll disappear again. You can’t tell if it’s supposed to be a good change or not.

[“If I could stay I would,”] your eyes plead with him. Please let me go . 

[“And if memory serves correct, I still owe you three deserts.”]

He looks at you in confusion until you literally see the lightbulb in his head turn on. 

“But I lost the coupon,” he pouts. You can’t help the smile on your face. [“I’ll make an exception just this once, okay?”] 

Zayne sighs, looking away in contemplation. “Okay,” he says, letting go of you. He takes a step back and your insecurity wonders if it’s one from you.

Sylus has the sense not to say a word but it doesn’t stop him from putting his hand on your lower back as he guides you into your seat. 

Zayne watches as the car speeds down the road. He continues to watch as it escapes his sight.

Zayne is left alone. 

He walks mindlessly into his bedroom, collapsing on the bed, staring at the ceiling with a blank look on his face.

The house already feels so empty without you, how is he supposed to go back to normal?

You had told him that you were going to leave Linkon, he knew your visit wasn’t a permanent one but three days after over a decade without you wasn’t enough. He didn’t need more, he needed forever.

He repeats in his mind the way you had spoken his name. Your voice is deeper since you were no longer a child. His cheeks flush as he realises that the first word you had said after years of silence was his name. His breath becomes heavier as your voice repeats. His dick stands to attention.

Even after so many rounds he still wasn’t satiated.

He stares at the imprint around his wrist. He brings it closer to his mouth, his lips just ghosting over it.

It’ll have to do.

His other hand goes down to his pyjama pants.

It’s okay. He can play the long game. He waited this many years, he can wait even more for you. The company he had given you was priceless, he’ll remind you every step of the way why he’s the better choice. The only choice.

~~~

The silence has you on edge.

You were expecting more from Sylus. Threats or yelling maybe even both, anything over the silence. It feels like torture. 

You watch his body language. His grip is tight on the steering wheel. He hasn’t even looked at you once, gaze locked onto the road before him. It’s clear he’s angry but you don’t understand why he hasn’t done something about it. 

Sylus takes notice of the way you grip onto your pants, you’re trying to pretend otherwise but he can tell some part of you is afraid. Nothing out of his mouth will calm you down, he’s sure of it.

There are two cowards in the car and not a single one of them makes a move. 

The twins don’t ambush you when you return.

“They’re out,” Sylus walks into his office, he doesn’t have to say it for you to know to follow him. 

You close the door behind you as you enter his space making sure to give Mephisto a stink eye. The bird squawks at the action before cooing softly at you. 

Traitor , you narrow your eyes at him. 

You’ve already forgiven him, he has no choice to do what Sylus tells him to but where’s the fun in letting the bird know that?  

[“Okay out with it. What’s my punishment?”] you struggle to look him in the eyes. You don’t want to concede but in an unreliable world you’ve learnt to pick your battles. Truth is you need him more than he needs you. You thought you’d be okay being a pawn but reality had settled in and you want the freedom you’ve been desperately seeking in your lives.

His heart twists as he takes in the dejected look on your face. He had really screwed things up.

“I’m sorry.”

What?

Your head snaps up at him. Of all the things you had imagined in your head, those two words had never even made the list, no they had never even been considered. Sylus doesn’t do apologies. Right? 

He gives you a sad smile at your expression. What a hole he had dug himself into.

“You’re thinking that I’m lying right now.”

You don’t respond but your silence speaks.

He doesn’t let it deter him. “I don’t blame you,” he continues. “I kept you at a distance because I thought it would be best,” he chuckles. “What a fool I’ve been, hmm?”

Your nails dig into your skin, an attempt to ground yourself. His apology hadn’t moved you.

[“Why did you lie?”]

He looks at you in confusion. “You’re going to have to give me more details than that. After all, I lie for a living, little bird.” 

[“You said you’d give me information about my brother when you had it but you kept it from me. You only gave it when I proved myself useful again.”] you glare at the man before you. 

Sylus takes in your words as he realises his mistake. “Is that why you’ve been so distant?” his voice is quieter. He accepts he won’t get an answer when you raise an eyebrow at him. He walks towards you until he’s right in front.

“I have no excuse,” he admits.

Tears run down your face as you shake from anger. Fucking bastard , you scream in your head as you rush at him. He does nothing to stop the hits on his chest, only making a move when you wince in pain from a hit. His hands grab your wrists, halting them in the air. You try to struggle out of his grip but he’s much stronger.

He says nothing as you try to calm yourself, only watching. Then he brings one hand right over his heart, pressing his down on top so you can’t remove it. You hear the thumping of his chest.

“Take it.”

Huh? 

“If I give my heart to your brother, will it suffice? Will you forgive me then? Ask me for it and it’s yours,” he raises the same hand to his lips, kissing the middle of your palm.

You can only stare in astonishment at the man in front of you. One had to be a little insane to be head of a criminal organisation, you knew that, but wasn’t this too much?

He finally lets you yank your hands away.

[“Are you stupid?”]

“For you? Yes,” he smirks.

You scowl at him. [“I need you alive, remember?”] you poke his chest. [“You’re not allowed to die while I still need you.”]

“Noted.”

He tries to not let it show how elated he was to see you admit that you need him.

What an infuriating asshole. 

“Then what will it take for you to forgive me?” 

[“I can’t forgive you. Not yet or maybe never.”]

He nods. “Okay.”

[“No more lying. Tell me everything related to my brother and the people we’re hunting. Don’t keep things from me. I can’t forgive you but I can learn to trust you.”]

“No more lying. I promise.”

Suddenly exhausted from the conversation, you turn to leave but he’s still not done.

“You wanted your own space, right?”

You look back at him, nodding so he can continue.

“You don’t have to worry about asking for permission anymore. Just let me know in advance.”

The last thing Sylus wants is for you to make a home somewhere else but seeing some light return to your eye, he knows he’s made the right decision. He can’t be selfish anymore.

Not if he wants to lose you.

~~~

Hazel eyes gaze at you in wonder as you enter the café. His tablet he had previously been on is now turned off and forgotten. 

“You’re here,” the man says as you sit down in front of him.

[“Why wouldn’t I be?”] 

The tips of his ears turn red. “I didn’t think you would come back,” he admits. 

You feel surprisingly numb at his words. You owe him the truth. [“I was going to leave that night so you’re not wrong to feel that way.”]

Zayne gazes down at his lap. It’s uncharacteristic of him to be so hesitant and you hate yourself even more for reducing him to this. 

“Is it because you regret-”

You don’t let him finish, your hands reach for his and you squeeze the flesh as you vehemently shake your head no.

[“No. Not for one bit do I regret anything from those three days.”]

He meets your eyes. “Then why…” he trails off.

[“Because that girl you remember? She was a façade. I thought if I acted like a good person then I would become one. But my nature will never change. I’m selfish, that’s why I stayed. I’m also a coward, that’s why I tried to run.”] you feel your hands tremble as you explain.

Zayne keeps his eyes on them even when you bring them under the table as an attempt to hide it. “What made you change your mind? You didn’t have to respond to my text and meet me here.”

You take a while to answer, unsure how to respond. 

[“I don’t know.”]

“Okay,” he nods. “I’ve already ordered something for us, you’ll like it.”

[“Zayne about that night when we…”] you trail off.

“When we had sex?” he finishes for you.

You feel yourself fluster at his bold words, looking around to see if anyone overheard.

[“Be more quiet!”] 

“No,” he crosses his arms, looking away. “Consider it your punishment.” His childish act makes you smile. You don’t notice him slightly peeking at you, body relaxing at your happiness. He likes making you smile.

Heat rushes through him as he remembers that night, each detail ingrained in his mind. All of it perfect except for one thing. He really wants to hear your moans. 

A squeeze to his cheeks pulls him out his thoughts. It’s his fault, you reason with yourself, for being too cute. 

[“I don’t regret that it happened but I can’t give you anything more than that. Not right now at least,”] you eyes are downcast. What if he thinks you just used him?

Hands grab yours. “I know.”

You try to remove your hands to sign but he tightens his hold. “I know,” he repeats. “I’ll wait. Take however long you need, just don’t disappear again.”

You nod and the two of you smile at the other. You feel more at ease now that you’ve been honest with him.

And Zayne? He doesn’t care if you’re selfish. You can take and take from him, he’ll happily give you whatever you desire.

For now, he’ll settle on keeping these thoughts to himself.

He slides the tablet towards you. You look at the screen. It’s a listing of an apartment, one of the many on the list you had given him.

“It’s the only one I thought you’d like.”

You look through the photos of the place, ending on a map of where it is. The address has you grin at him mischievously.  

[“And it has nothing to do with the fact that it’s a five minute walk from your place?”]

His cheeks burn. “A mere coincidence.” 

You silently laugh. Throwing your hands up to let him know you won’t fight him on it.

[“Then let’s go see it now, there’s an inspection today,”] you get up to leave but a hand on your shirt stops you.

“Our food is still being prepared. It would be a shame to leave, no?”

You sit back down. [“A shame indeed.”] 

The apartment has everything you’re looking for.

It’s a two bedroom, containing all the necessities you need. But the number one thing you like is the open concept. The place feels spacious, the large windows add to it as well. Too many walls freak you out but it won’t be a problem here.

Zayne watches in satisfaction as you look around in awe. He can’t help but feel prideful that you approve of his choice.

The realtor is more than happy to give you the place when you agree to pay more than twice the original price. You give her your fake documents, ones Sylus had gotten made for you. 

You leave the building with a beaming smile. Zayne simply watches.

“And here I thought your name was [Name].” 

You look at him in slight confusion before you see the subtle smirk on his face. 

Ah, I see.

[“Forgive me, I’ve lied to you once again.”] you clasp your hands together.

He can’t keep the smile off his face as you play along. “Maybe if you make me a dessert, I could find it in my heart to forgive you.”

You waste no time in holding his hand and dragging him away. 

~~~

Sylus stares at the apartment door in front of him.

It had been a few days since you left to get settled into your new place. The agreement was for you to spend a week in N109 and the next in Linkon. He had stayed away because he didn’t want to intrude. He’s only here because he needs payment for his favour.

He rings the doorbell.

Sylus is very grateful to your parents for bringing you into his world. Your hair is wet, a small towel around your neck. He looks all over your body, what a delicious sight.

You tilt your head at him. Your week isn't over so why is he here?

He holds up the fruit basket in his hands. “Housewarming gift.”

You take it and let him in.

[“I bought this place with your money, you didn’t need to.”]

“But I did,” he looks all over the place, committing the floorplan to memory. “You could’ve chosen a nicer house, you know? I’m not poor,” he looks offended.

You roll your eyes at him. [“I don’t want to stand out.”]

“All you do is stand out, little bird,” he makes himself at home on your couch. Your annoyance shoots up when he smiles at you. It’s obvious he’s here for something else. [“What do you need?”] you sit in front of him. 

“Check your phone, you’ll find a photo of a man. He’s hiding here in Linkon. Kill him,” he says it like he’s not asking you to endl someone. But you suppose to him this is nothing.

He senses your thoughts. “You need to get used to taking lives if you want to exact revenge,” he’s not gentle about it and you’re thankful, it’s the reminder you need. 

[“Am I going alone?”]

“You can handle it, of that I have no doubt,” he gets up from the couch. “All the details you need have been sent. It shouldn’t take you long.” 

He leaves without another word.

For a man that’s supposed to be in hiding, your target sure loves leaving himself open.

You’ve been watching him for an entire day now and he still hasn’t realised. You mentally add ‘stupid’ into his list of attributes.

Thirty-four year old Finn Lewis had done a few odd jobs for Sylus and thought he could turn around and sell information about the boss. Of course, it had been intercepted before it could go through and Finn at least had the sense to run.

There’s not much more to say about him. Your ordinary drunk that beats his wife and daughter.

Unfortunately for him he had underestimated your boss, evident with the way he’s prancing about in the street with no care. You shiver thinking of being on the run from Sylus. If it had been you in Finn’s position, you would have dug your grave yourself and gotten in.

There’s an empty warehouse nearby where you’ve set up, you don’t know how but the report knew he would be in this area around this time. It’s the perfect spot to complete your job, there are no cameras around and not that many people either.

Which is what makes it easy to get him to spot you. You’ve seduced many people before, all it takes is a simple smile from you and he’s frothing at the mouth. You turn to the direction of your destination before making a gesture for him to follow. And the fool does.

You feel insulted at how easy this is. 

You wait for him to enter the warehouse, he doesn’t sense you sneak up on him and in no time, he’s collapsed on the floor in front of you.

When Finn awakens, his head hurts. His eyesight is blurry and he feels something drip down his face. He goes to touch it but finds he can’t, the rope around him constricting his every movement. Panic settles in and he screams.

They die in his throat as he realises he’s not alone. Someone is sitting right in front of him. As his eyes focus on the figure, he recognises her. It’s the girl who had lured him in here. She has her legs crossed, resting her hand on her palm as she watches him. Her gaze is scary, she looks at him like he’s worthless.

He doesn’t have control.

He hasn’t had it for a lot of his life. Finn has always been under the thumb of someone else, forced to humiliate himself on a daily basis for the entertainment of others. It’s easy for him to beg.

“P-please, I meant no harm,” the girl tilts her head at him.

“You work for Onychinus, r-right?”

She nods.

He licks his lips, his throat is parched. “T-then you know what it’s like! It’s all a misunderstanding! I’m just a weak nobody,” his voice picks up as he realises she’s listening intently, filled with hope that he might get out of this alive.

The girl instead smiles, like he had said something amusing.

He gets angry at how easily she brushes him off. “You fucking bitch! I’m gonna kill you with bare hands.”

You had been so wrong.

You’re filled with amusement, relishing in the fact that this pathetic excuse of a human was going to die by your hands. His rant goes ignored as you think of the numerous ways you could do this. What would be a befitting end for a man like this?

Let me.

A voice speaks in your head.

Let me teach you.

It wraps itself around you. It’s hand slowly traces up your back before landing on your shoulder. The other grasps your chin until you’re looking back at the man in front of you. The hand on your shoulder lets go and plunges into the deep depths of your mind, moulding it to do its bidding.

Ruin him , it whispers.

Change him , it screams.

But keep him alive , it cackles. 

You suddenly stand up, shocking the man who freezes when he notices your changed deamour. Your eyes are blank as you stare at him, your moves robotic - like you’re being controlled - as you step towards him. 

You have your orders.

“W-wait!”

Ruin him. Ruin him. Ruin him. 

Your hand reaches for him.

“No!”

Change him. Change him. Change him.

He lets out an excruciating scream when you touch him.

You wake up with a gasp on a cold stone floor. Your mind is a mess as you try to remember what happened. All you can remember is your mission.

Your head snaps to where the man should be. But he’s gone. The chair he was sitting on is toppled over, ropes on the floor. You don’t even feel panic, too busy gaping in shock at something else.

It stands proud in the same spot the man had been in. Its leaves are a vibrant green. How it managed to grow so strong without any sun or dirt you don’t know. You step forward.

It calls to you.

It’s hauntingly beautiful.

It’s your creation.

Your fingers trace over the bark, not rough to touch but soft and firm instead. When you remove your hand, red coats your fingertips. You step back, the ridges of the bark seem to make a picture.

Like a face in agony.

But keep him alive…

Chapter Text

Xavier was the fifth one to meet you.

He was the first to be surprised by you.

You’re supposed to be salvation, not his ruin. Be careful of what you do next, you’ve been warned. 

~~~

There’s something in the corner of the room.

It’s always around.

He’s not sure when it had become a comfort.

Most days it’s stagnant, not moving an inch from the position it had assigned itself. 

But then comes the moments where he cries and cries and cries.

What else can a weak child do?

Too weak to protect the one he loves, too weak to save her every time she’s carried in the arms of scientists, wailing out his name in hopes he’ll save her.

A hope he wishes will die out for it will never come true. He’ll never be her hero.

It moves when the first tear drops down his face. Its steps are always slow - cautious. 

Arms encircle his frame, his head pushed into a chest, held in a soothing grip.

It disappears with the last tear, back the next day in the corner of the room.

Years pass and he brushes it off as a result of a traumatised mind.

Until his fingers twitch uncontrollably around his new neighbour. Who he claims to hate yet burns with the need to touch.

To feel the sensation of those familiar arms wrap around him again.

~~~

“Don’t laugh!” the girl pouts at you.

You try to hold it in but it’s impossible. Her scowl deepens and you didn’t think it was possible for her to get even more red. Eiden’s stronger than you, he’s holding it in and looks not at all affected but you take notice of the way he’s clenching his hand and the smile he’s trying to bite down. Caleb is standing by her side, just as red and looking away. He’s sort of to blame for this, just a little.

But you would never tell him that.

You and Eiden had been waiting by your front door for the two of them, so you could commence your daily routine to walk to school when the other two joined. The reason for your laughter is the mess atop Mara’s head. “Gran is out,” she had tried to explain, “Caleb thought he could do my hair.”

Your laughter dies down when you see tears in her eyes, now you feel bad. “Oh, Mara, I’m sorry. Don’t feel bad,” you rush at the girl, dropping your school bag on the floor so you could comfort her. Eiden picks it up for you.

The feeling inside you when she pushes your arms away is indescribable. It’s the first time she’s ever denied your attention and you don’t know how to feel. Your fingers twitch at your side as your insecurities run wild.

You’d fucked up and now she doesn’t want you anymore, your voice screams in your head. How many times until you learn that you’re a failure meant to be discarded?

You take a step back and quickly throw on a mask, unbeknownst to you, your brother notices the blank face you had tried to cover up. His lips straighten but he doesn’t say a word. He quietly watches the flash of anger in your eyes when Caleb comforts Mara instead. 

You take a deep breath and try again. “I am sorry, Mara. I didn’t realise you were serious,” you gesture to your house. “Let me fix your hair.”

That has her attention on you again. “But…we’ll be late to school then,” she whispers. “Then we’re late,” you shrug. It would be a first for the four of you so you’re confident they’ll let you off easily. 

You feel a sense of relief when the tears in her eyes are gone, replaced by a bright grin. She turns to Caleb, “You go on then, I’ll see you later.” Caleb tries to disagree but his words fall on deaf ears, you step in for him instead.

“Let him stay, I’ll teach him some styles so this,” you point at her hair, “doesn’t happen again.”

The aforementioned boy just watches you silently in that regular way that makes you uncomfortable. You don’t know what his deal is but every time his eyes fall on you, it’s like he’s dissecting you, almost analysing you in a way that makes you afraid he’ll see the real you. More often than not you keep your guard up around him, just in case.

It takes you almost thirty minutes just to untangle her hair from the mess on her head, it’s not made easy by the fact that she has curly hair. The same hair that had been on Gia-

You offer her tips on how to take care of her hair. Another thirty minutes is spent on showing a variety of hairstyles she can do, Caleb who had taken his seat on your bed inched forward every hairstyle until he was practically falling off the bed just so he can memorise it all. You nearly laugh at the focused look he adorns, moments like these remind you that he’s just a child trying his best for the girl he cares about. 

“You shouldn’t feel bad,” you whisper to him, hoping no one else hears. He looks at you confused but you just send him a smile and go back to the task on hand.

Caleb isn’t sure why he feels his face heating up. 

~~~

You decide it’s best to not let a single soul know what destiny befallen on Finn. Maybe it would’ve been a good idea to let someone know that an entity of sorts lives inside you and can control you. But you have yet to wrap your mind around the thought itself. It’s too much.

Has this been the result of whatever was done to you?

You try to talk to it inside your head but it’s been two days now and still no response. You tell yourself that perhaps you’ve just remembered the situation wrong and if it responds, you’ll change your thinking. But for now, it’s all thrown to the back of your mind.

You’re back in the N109 zone. No other missions await you. You receive no congratulations from anyone either. 

Good.

Mary had texted you that the renovations had been completed. You let her know that you’ll be by today to see them. And see the kids. You missed them.

Is it wrong to use the comfort that little kids provide by being dumb and cute? Probably but you’re in desperate need for them to ask you stupid questions while clinging to you with sticky hands. 

You stop by the base, changing into a simple hoodie and sweatpants. You’ve learnt that no matter what you wear, you will be leaving with it in stains. It’s something you’ve long accepted.

“Going somewhere?”

Sylus’s voice doesn’t shock you. You had heard him moving around, slowly towards you. 

[“Orphanage.”] 

“Let’s go then,” the man waves his keys at you, walking by while leaving you standing in the middle of the hallway. You stare at his back, it would be just like him to invite himself into your plans as he pleases. 

And yet you continue to let him.

You’re jumped on the second you enter, bright smiles all around. Sylus watches on the sidelines, amused.

He watches the warm look in your eye, the gentle way in which you handle the kids, the way you try to communicate without your words. Something ignites in him, seeing you like this. It’s a new side of you he’s never seen. So patient and understanding. 

You’d make a good mother.

You feel a shiver up your spine, looking at the direction of the white-haired man. The look in his eyes makes you pause.

You’re in danger. 

~~~

“You wake her up,” whispers Kieran to Luke.

“No, you do it!” whispers Luke back.

“You’re older!”

“Says who?”

“Wake who up?”

The two masked men jump and scream at the sudden voice behind them. “Boss-man, shhhh,” Luke puts a finger to his mouth, “you’ll wake her up.”

Sylus glares at them, almost offended. “I’m whispering. You’re the ones shrieking.” 

The twins glance at each other and he sighs, it’s never good when they mentally communicate with the other. “Out with it.” 

He’s starting to think he should have just turned around and left when he saw them standing outside their own bedroom. He should know better than to be involved in anything they do. He should have stayed curious because explain to him why he’s being pushed into the bedroom, being used as a shield while the twins hide behind him.

“Look,” points Kieran at his side of the room, right at his bed. 

Now in too deep, Sylus has no choice but to go investigate. He immediately notices the lump on his sheets but stops as he gets closer. He can’t stop the look of shock (and jealousy) on his face.

Why the hell are you sleeping on their bed?

He looks back at the two nuisances who just usher with their hands for him to get closer. They’re not going to be any help.

He moves towards you, lips quirked up as he takes you in. You’re normally a composed person, the only time he can recall seeing you otherwise when he first met you. You had made sure since then to never appear a “mess” again. Sylus never said a word, he understood better than most your need to never show weakness. 

But not even you can control how you look when asleep. Your hair is a mess, covering your face. He had watched you enough on those cameras to know that there’s drool either on your face or on the pillows. You’re sleeping at such an odd angle, he’s sure your body is going to ache when you wake up. 

How cute.

He walks closer and gently nudges you on the shoulder. It’s barely a pat but it’s all you need. His little bird blinks slowly at him before glaring at the man who woke her up. Jealousy settles deep inside him, no one else deserves to see you like this. Only him.

Sylus moves himself so his body hides you from the two other pairs of eyes in the room, he sits down on the bed. “I hope you’re aware that you’re sleeping on Kieran’s bed?” 

You just nod and fall asleep. 

He’s left staring at your body, envious that you felt comfortable sleeping in the twins room and not his.

This won’t do.

He’s quick to scoop you up in his arms, the twins watch with no words as he leaves their room and walks right into his. They have the sense to not ask questions. Sylus places you gently on his bed and watches with satisfaction as you settle in. 

A groan stays stuck in your throat as you feel sleep leave despite your wishes. After so many years of insomnia, waking up after a good night’s sleep is even more torture than what you had gone through. Furthermore, there’s a comforting smell soaked into the pillowcases and bed sheets around you. The scent doesn’t belong to the twins, you know exactly who it does belong to. 

You had slept each night you had been with Zayne. After experiencing being so well-rested in years, you’d rather die than go back to your original state. So, you had come up with a theory that the smell of a person you trusted might help. And it did. 

You slowly open your eyes, taking in the room. It’s the first time you've been in here. Everything in it screams Sylus, the man has excellent taste. You look around for said man until your ears pick up the shower running. The perfect time to snoop. 

Ten minutes later, you’ve been nearly through the entire room with nothing to show for it. Sylus has nothing interesting in his room, you pick up the water turning off and rush back into the bed just as the bathroom door opens. 

Your eyes don’t leave his body, all he has is a towel around his waist. You shamelessly watch the water run down his body. Your fingers twitch as you see his muscles, you’ve always been one to appreciate fine art. 

Sylus smirks as he notices your eyes on him. “Did you find what you were looking for?”

[“No. You’re boring.”] 

He lets out a laugh at your statement, moving closer to you. “Or…I’m smart enough to not keep secrets in my room.”

[‘So, you do have secrets?”] your eyebrows raise.

“Want me to tell you one?”

[“Yes.”]

“Then say my name.”

The request gives you pause. You tilt your head in confusion. 

“You said that doctor’s name,” his voice is deeper when he lets out ‘doctor’. “Say my name,” it comes almost as a plea, he gives you a look that almost seems like desperation. You can’t tell if it’s like him or unlike him. 

You clear your throat. He perks up, it reminds you of a puppy waiting for a treat.

“Sylus,” it comes out much better than when you had said ‘Zayne’, no stutter too.

Before you can move, you’re thrown back on the bed, a heavy figure looming above you.

“Again,” his eyes don’t leave yours. You think you might have just done something that has changed the trajectory of your relationship.

You swallow.

“Sylus.” 

You say it so quietly that if you hadn’t spoken the words you don’t think it could even be heard. But, it seems to be enough for him. His head moves dangerously close to yours. Lips almost touching. He doesn’t move further than that. With the way he’s looking at you, you know the next move is yours.

You don’t hesitate. 

Your lips move desperately together. He’s devouring you in a way that you’re sure he’ll never be satisfied and will take. Again and again. Never stopping.

You break apart but he’s determined to take even your breath as he moves down to your neck, leaving soft kisses and as many marks as possible in his way. 

~~~

A hand gently grabs her wrist.

“No more,” Xavier softly commands. He takes the hunter watch off her wrist and pockets it. “You need rest.”

She doesn’t even have it in her to fight. The exhaustion has won. Neither of them say a word as he leads her into her apartment. They settle down on her couch. 

She fidgets with the ugly beaded bracelet on her wrist. In times of emotional crisis, it had become a clutch for her. The orange colour on one of the beads had become so faded in these last few months. 

“What does it mean to you?” his soft voice snaps her out of it. She looks in his direction to see him eyeing the bracelet. She finds herself wanting to answer. It’s shocking how close they’ve become in such a short time. Mara has no idea when Xavier stopped being a co-worker and became a friend. 

“My angel gave it to me.”

His eyebrows furrow a little in confusion. She understands, she’s never muttered the words ‘my angel’ out loud since you disappeared. It feels refreshing. It feels right .

She answers his question before he can even ask it. 

“She left me too.”

~~~

The watch on his arm beeps.

He’s not working today but a metaflux has been detected nearby and if he’s received the message then it’s just him alone. He’s informed that backup is twenty minutes away. A message that would give most hunters pause but he’s been alone for a long time, he can rely on himself. He knows he’s capable. 

The wanderers that appear before him are weak but strong in their numbers. One manages to slash him across his back. He grunts in pain but pushes through. His evol works with him to incinerate as many as it can. The fatigue settles in quicker now that he has activated it. How much sleep will he need after this? He’s too caught up in fighting to notice the wanderer that sneaks up on him, it’s too late for him to even teleport when he does. He waits for a pain that never comes up.

It’s then he notices the vines surrounding the wanderer’s body, holding it tightly in their grip. Before his eyes, the wanderer is ripped apart. Every other wanderer he can notice is in a similar predicament.

He’s not alone anymore. There’s a woman standing a few metres before him. She’s far enough that he can’t notice any distinct features. He makes his move.

From a distance, it looks like the sword he throws is meant for her but the woman doesn’t even flinch as it embeds itself into the wanderer behind her. With a loud thud, it falls before disappearing. Numerous protocores flop on the ground around them but neither party cares, too focused on the other.

The green shield around her disappears when he’s confirmed that there’s no longer a threat. The woman gives him a nod and turns to leave. Only for him to move much closer to her.

He doesn’t say anything, just taking her in. His heart beats fast as he looks her over, her hair, complexion, her clothes. He memorises everything. 

His throat suddenly feels dry as he notices the deep scar around her neck. That sense of peace and comfort he had given up crashes into him.

It can’t be…

After what feels like forever, he opens his mouth to speak. “Who are you?”

Why do you look like it? 

How do you exist?

He doesn’t ask those questions, too scared of the answers he might receive. 

The woman taps her mouth and then crosses her arm in an ‘x’ in an attempt to get her message across. It works. 

“You…” he takes a step forward, confused until realising. “You can’t speak?” 

The woman nods in confirmation.

The both of them stare at the other in awkward silence before the woman throws up a goodbye wave and runs away.

Xavier is too baffled by the situation to remember he can teleport. 

~~~

Throughout all his life, he finds himself before the statue.

As a kid when being a royal would get too much, after a gruelling training session and recently when he learnt the truth of his world…of his family.

The statue isn’t much to look at. One of the many in his family’s vast collection. Tucked away in the corner of a store room. He had stumbled upon it as a child, when he had tried to run away from his future as a King. 

It was covered in a white sheet but it called to him. With bated breath he had removed the sheet, eyes wide at what he saw.

It resembles a woman. One unlike any he’s come across. She’s beautiful.

No…

It’s too little a word to describe her. She’s a type of beauty that can’t be described for it would only limit her. 

He tried to ask around for any knowledge on who sculpted her, in hopes that maybe she exists and he could find her?

But no one knows anything.

“That statue? I don’t really know, your highness. It just appeared one day.”

“I’ve never seen a statue like that.”

“I have no idea, your highness.”

Even his father is no help. Neither are any texts they have. The mystery of the statue keeps him intrigued. It becomes a sort of comfort over time. He finds himself before her whenever life gets to him, ranting about it all. Anyone else would think him crazy but sometimes it feels like it’s listening.

Above all, one thing about the statue always stood out. The only crack on such old stone.

It was across her neck.

Chapter Text

Rafayel was the last one to meet you.

He was the first to seek you out.

You never fell for his act and yet you still let him into your life. You’ve forced him into this, it’s all your fault. 

~~~

It only exists in those moments he feels pain.

When he has angered his god and must suffer in return.

As the ice pierces his chest, adjusting its pain so he can never get used to it.

It’ll appear then.

But it never reaches out. It never comforts him. 

For some reason he knows it's because it can’t. It can’t interfere. It can’t make it all better, no matter how much it wants to.

But in those moments, he feels it’s grief, it’s guilt and sometimes he can see it cry and it’s enough. To know that someone cares for him, that someone is crying for him. It’s all he needs.

Until one day, it’s gone. 

He cries then. The pain he felt unlike any other, not even the punishments from his god could compare. It died and it left him behind.

Many years pass.

Though he no longer remembers it all, his curse still follows him. Though he no longer remembers, his presence comes back to life.

This time it’s in a warm body, blood pumping through its veins. 

He wastes no time in claiming her.

~~~

You can’t play a fool any longer.

You’ve tried for years to be apathetic to it all and you had succeeded. But you can’t do it anymore. You can’t pretend you don’t notice how they look at you, the way they touch you and the hidden meaning their words hold. You have many words to describe yourself and oblivious was never one of them.

Mara’s possessive streak had been a constant through your entire childhood with every adult around you dismissing it and even though you pretend otherwise, you knew. When she would sneak into your room in the middle of the night, making herself comfortable next to you and spending hours just watching you, you knew. When her gentle hold would tighten into a bruising grip as your attention slipped elsewhere, you knew the reasons why. You ignored it all and you never told her that you liked when she left those bruises on you, you liked that she was marking you as hers and that you felt safe in those nights as she watched over you.

You took care of Caleb because you thought he would be safe. He wasn’t a love interest and he hated you yet he too changed just as quick. When he had kissed you that day, you didn’t ignore him after because you thought he was simply confused, no you were aware of his feelings. Telling him not to do it again might just be one of the hardest things you’ve ever done. You noticed every time he held himself back from touching you, the way his eyes would dim when he would call you a friend. Now, he’s gone and you can’t take those words back. You can’t tell him that you still think about the kiss, that you remember how it felt and that you dream about a future with him that’ll never come to pass. 

Zayne was different. He deemed you only as a friend. Maybe, that's why you let go around him, thinking you could indulge in his presence without worry. Then you saved him from himself and he wasn’t just a friend anymore. The look in his eyes was mesmerising when he visited you in the hospital the next day. Like it was the first time he saw you , in a way he’d never considered before. You didn’t have to delve on it much since he left after. Now, he’s back and you don’t tell him how much you missed him, how you remember every detail of that night with him and how much you want to do it again.

Sylus was confusing to understand. One week he would treat you like you meant nothing and the next like you were everything, sometimes you find him watching you, like he didn’t know the answer either. It took you nearly slipping out his fingers for him to conclude and the marks on your neck speak of his choice. He’s softer now, hands reaching to you whenever you’re close, kisses placed lightly on your head all with his gaze electric from the storms brewing inside. You lose yourself in these little moments, only to regret them in the next as you remember the hurt he has pressed deep into you. It stings more than your scars ever did.

You could brush them all off. Rationalise their odd behaviours and reason to yourself. Of course things are different, you’ve known them for years now, relationships are bound to change and develop! 

So, then why did Xavier have to look at you like that ?

As if you’d hung the night stars yourself, so the moon wouldn’t be lonely. Like the colours of the night had been personally chosen and painted by you. 

What did you do to deserve this? You’re a disgrace of a human being. The epitome of the word selfish. You knew of their yearning and happily indulged in their affections while making them think otherwise. Caleb… 

He died thinking the girl he loved was also gone and she’d never see him that way.

How could you even begin to atone for such a sin?

You tell Zayne you don’t want anything more but you never stop him from stealing a kiss. You tell Sylus you can’t forgive him yet you sang his name on command. You tell yourself over and over again that it’s the last time, that things will be different next time. It never is.

You’ve become addicted to them. You can no longer let them go. But have they ever been yours? How selfish can you be to want all of them? How much more until you’re satisfied?

Your heavy thoughts lead you to the beach. The sand digs into you, it’ll be a pain to clean up but the sounds of the waves clashing are too peaceful to pass up. In your first life, you had a raging fear of the ocean, particularly the undiscovered parts of it. Yet for some reason, it calls to you here. It’s soothing and paired with the rays of the sun hitting your face, it ends up being heaven. 

Several noises ring around you. You watch as kids run around, happy and smiling, they build their sandcastles and get into competitions. Their parents watch them, the smiles on their faces so serene that you can’t help the tiny one you’re growing. You’re so lost in other people, you don’t realise the set of eyes staring at you.

~~~

I know you, I walked with you once upon a dream.

I know you, the look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam. 

Miss Bodyguard:

Something came up. I’m so sorry Rafayel :( 

I promise I’ll make it up to you!

Rafayel:

dun worry about it cutie

needed some time to paint anyway

A sick part of him doesn’t want to be understanding. She feels bad about ditching him, it’s the perfect opportunity to make her feel worse but he stops himself. To her, their friendship is new but to him…it’s been too long. He has to be careful. He can always pout a little in their next meeting, it’ll get the message across.

He could also tell her that he’s already at the beach, that he’s set out a cute picnic for them and he’s about to but a smell stops him. It has too many notes for him to decipher but there’s an underlying one that’s strong. It smells like the aftereffects of rain, when the soil has soaked in all the liquid, as little droplets fall off leaves and the sky grows a rainbow. Nature at its best. 

It’s enticing. The smell is so tempting that he’s already making his way towards it, picnic long forgotten. 

He wishes he could say he doesn’t know what he’s feeling but he’s all too familiar with how his heart starts beating so fast, his fingers twitching with the need to touch, his face flushing when he sees the small smile on her face. 

Rafayel doesn’t know you. He’s never seen you before, he’s sure because he would never forget a face like yours.

So, then why does it feel like he does?

Why do his fingers remember the sensation of your threading through them? Why has he memorised the feel of your lips against his? Why does every fibre of his being want to sit next to you and ask why you’re so sad? Because even with that smile on your face, he can’t ignore the years of pain your eyes have accumulated. 

He’s so consumed by his confusion that by the time his eyes sweep over yours, you’re already walking away.

And his heart burns at the image, like you’ve done it before.

Like you’ve left him before. 

Forever. 

But if I know you. I know what you’ll do.

You’ll love me at once.

The way you did once upon a dream.

~~~

Sylus has been different.

It should come with no surprise to the twins. His personality changes recently come as a result from you. Yet, they can’t shake off this new one.

It occurred the day after he took you into his bedroom. The twins don’t know what happened, they don’t want to know what happened. But whatever it was had left the man dejected. They’ve never seen him so depressed.

He’s had his moments, the twins are thankful for it even, it’s a reminder that he’s human. But Sylus never shows it on his face. It’ll show through his hands, if he’s angry then he’ll tear enemies apart, if he’s sad then his fingers will rub the rims of whatever glass he’s holding, if he’s distracted then his hands twitch and he usually goes on a long ride to clear his head.

This time, he shows it all through his eyes. They follow you whenever you’re around, twinged with regret and yearning. Sulking, they realise, he’s sulking. And he’s certainly not telling them why, so they’ll just have to go straight to the source.

You’re suspicious when the twins surprise you with a chocolate lava cake one day, made by them - they had claimed - way too happy and eager for you to eat. [“What’s the occasion?”] you eye them. You’re sure they grin at you behind their masks. “Things have been so entertaining with you here, [Name],” Luke slides the plate towards you. “You deserve something sweet in return,” Kieran finishes off. 

With a sigh, you pick up the spoon and taste the cake. It’s slightly undercooked but for a first attempt, it’s amazing. Your hum of approval has them patting the other on the back. 

“Say [Name]. What have you done to the boss?”

[“I don’t know what you mean.”]

“He’s been moping about for a couple of days now. C’mon just tell us,” Luke whines, shaking you slightly.

You swat his hands away but their question has you thinking back on that day.

You wake up and even with your eyes bleary, you can tell you were sleeping on someone’s chest.

Then the remnants of last night make their way back to you. Your body flushes as you remember Sylus hovering above you, attacking you with kisses. That you initiated. The feeling of his body pressed atop yours had brought an odd sense of comfort, not at all suffocating like you thought it would be.

He didn’t take it any further than that. “This is enough, for now,” he had said, pressing one last deep kiss against your mouth before disappearing to change. He wasted no time pulling you on top of him and settling down in the bed, his eyes already closed as he dozed off. And even though you had just gotten up, you found yourself following as you breathed in his scent and relished in his arms around you. 

You tilt your head up and watch the man sleep. It’s a rare moment to examine his features closely. You never realised how white his eyelashes were, you want to trace the shape of his lips but the man looks so peaceful and you don’t want to ruin it. A dopey smile makes itself on your face.

For now, he had said. Which meant he wanted more.

Your gaze moves around his room, your eyes meet purple ones.

Caleb is sitting in an armchair. He’s wearing his school uniform. Just like he had been the last time you saw him.

He looks so heartbroken. So disappointed. In you.

“You’ll accept his kisses but not mine?” he whispers, eyes glazing with tears. “The man who caused you so much pain? Have you forgotten it already [Name]?”

You open your mouth to speak but you can’t do that anymore. No! You panic, Caleb has no idea about this.

Thinking your silence is your answer, Caleb starts to disappear but not before tearing your heart out. “I wish I had been enough for you,” he gives you a broken smile and he’s gone. Again. 

You pull yourself off Sylus, making your way to the balcony. The tears fall then, your mouth opening as you gasp in as much as you can. You can’t rely on yourself to breathe. Caleb was right. How could you forget the suffering you had endured at the hands of the man you laid with last night?

“Name?”

The way he speaks your name with so much concern has you gripping tightly on the railings. Your hand raises in a stop motion when he tries to come near you. He listens but the worry in his eyes makes you nauseous. 

[“Do you remember that time you tried to teach me sparring?”]

The man looks confused at your sudden question or why you’re bringing it up in the first place. “Yes,” he responds.

[“Did you know I couldn’t handle your touch in those moments? But I was so sure you’d dispose of me that I kept it to myself?”]

Sylus breaks. You want to stop it there but neither of you can move on until you let him know everything.

[“You scared me so much at that time, that I wished I was back in my cage. It felt like the safer choice.”] You blink away the tears. You’re still not finished. 

[“You left me on that mat and I was so desperate for your approval that I thought of ending it all since in your eyes I was a failure.”]

“You…I have never seen you as a failure,” Sylus tries to desperately explain.

[“I thought I would be okay with it. Just being a pawn, a tool to you. But did you have to be so cruel? I planned to leave. No, I desperately wanted to leave. I was counting down the days until two years would pass and then I would pack my bags and just go. I didn’t even care what you would have done if you found out.”] Now you’re finished. When you finally get the courage to look at him, your jaw nearly drops.

Sylus is crying. In a way that seems just like him.

His eyes are filled with tears but only two roll down.

You can’t let it break your resolve. 

[“I’m not saying this to hurt you nor do I regret what happened yesterday but you need to know the part you have played in my anguish. We needed to have this conversation and it’s better to do it before anything else happens.”]

You walk past him. He makes no move to stop you.

That had been three days ago.

The ball was in Sylus’s court now. He hasn’t tried to hide how his eyes follow you but you don’t do a thing. It’ll have to be him who makes the first move.

As the twins stare at you in hopes you’ll spill, you give them a teasing smile. 

[“$500,000 and I’ll tell you.”]

They simultaneously groan at your response. “You’re too cruel, [Name]”, Kieran fake cries into Luke’s shoulder. Said man rubs Kieran’s back, “There, there, [Name]’s just a big meanie.”

You just laugh and walk to your room.

An hour later, a knock interrupts the silence.

You don’t even get up from your bed. He’ll have to make himself known first.

“It’s Sylus.”

Sylus tries to calm his heart which is adamant on furiously beating itself out of his chest. His hands are shaking from nerves. Nerves! He can’t even remember the last time he has ever felt this nervous.

When you open the door, you steal his breath away. It’s been years living with you yet the sight of your face never fails to catch him off guard. He searches your eyes and face for anything to tell how you’re feeling but you give nothing away. You step aside and give him space to enter. He’s hit with your scent and he contemplates turning it into a perfume, one he’ll spray into his clothes, pillows and anything else he can come up with. The roles have reversed, he thinks, now it’s his first time in your room.

He’s seen it plenty through the cameras that used to be put in your room but he has never entered it. 

You walk to the fireplace and sit down in front of it. Not in the chair but on the floor, you pat the space next to you and he listens to the silent command.

“I…,” he tries to speak but his throat feels so dry. He licks his lips and calms down. “I wanted to punish you. Because of the way you made me feel.”

The baffled look on your face should not be that cute. You raise an eyebrow, as if saying ‘Really? That’s your explanation?’

He chuckles. “Do you believe in past lives?” 

You nod.

Then he tells you. Of his past and you listen to each word he speaks and every expression he wears. You should feel jealousy at how softly he speaks of his sorceress, of Mara but you don’t. You mimic that softness when it comes to her. It’s the first you’ve heard of their history together, it must have come out after you stopped playing the game. 

Your heart clenches at their end. Why must each story end in tragedy? Why won’t fate let them, let her be happy? 

I tried…

I’m still trying.

You’re my last hope.

“It doesn’t justify me treating you in that way or does it excuse it,” Sylus stares at you with such intensity. 

You look away. Your mind trails off as you try to put yourself in Sylus’s position. If you had such a beautiful love story crafted out and found yourself falling for a stranger in the same way, how would you have reacted?

Worse, you think, I would’ve been worse. The guilt and the realisation that I was betraying the one I love would kill me. It would have slowly eaten me up inside. 

He’s right, it doesn’t excuse anything but it does explain a lot. He’s a lot like you in that regard. Neither of you are normal, your lives have shaped you into the disasters you’ve become and as a result no one around you is truly safe. You think of all the people you’ve hurt and you don’t doubt that the list will continue to get longer. 

For the first time in all the years you’ve known him, you think you’re finally starting to understand him. When you look back, he’s still staring at you.

[“What’ll you do when you see her again?”] He hears the silent question, will you still feel the same for me?

“I want you both,” he answers. “But it’s different with you. With you I’m more selfish,” his hand comes up to cup your cheek. “I want to keep you chained here with me, I never want you to leave. I love her, yes, but I would be fine if she didn’t want me.” His forehead rests against yours. “I’ll die if you no longer want me. I’m nothing without you.”

Oh . 

It’s the first someone has been so raw with you. You buzz at the exhilaration. It should be the normal thing to be jealous that he loves her too, right? Except your mind flashes with scenarios of all the three of you together. Then it shifts until four others join and it feels so right.

Sylus pulls his forehead away. He doesn’t meet your gaze. “Nothing I do or say will make up for what I’ve done,” he closes his eyes. He does not want to finish what he’s saying, you can tell and looking at you won’t help. “Tell me you want to leave and I won’t do a thing. I’ll continue to investigate those scum but you don’t have to stay here anymore. After you get your revenge, we can go our separate ways. I won’t seek you out, I promise. You’ll never see me again. It’s all your choice, now. The choices you should have had from the beginning.” 

You think of his earlier confession. In other words, he’ll die. He’s willing to die to atone.

You reach for his hand. Sylus opens his eyes at the contact and he’s greeted by the sight of you playing with his long fingers as you gently smile. It’s not the reaction he was expecting but it’s a small domestic bliss you’ve gifted him. When you notice the awe on his face, you let go of the hand.

[“I’m not leaving. Not now or ever.”]

You don’t get to continue signing when he hunches over in relief. “I could kiss the ground right now,” he mutters. A laugh escapes you, this time it’s actually heard. Red eyes stare in wonder at the noise. It’s everything he wanted and more. Would it be weird for him to save it as a ringtone? No, he thinks, then others will hear it. That can’t happen.

[“I had no idea you could be such an idiot,”] you smile at him. [“I’m not ready to kiss you again. I need some time to process.”] Sylus looks slightly on edge and you think of this conversation, of the honesty shared with you. You can’t deny that he’s trying, which is better than anything you’ve ever done. [“But I don’t think it’ll be long. Just stay like this, let’s be honest with each other.”] 

~~~

“You the girl?” The man before asks in a gruff voice.

You nod.

He gestures for you to follow him. You can practically see the gears shifting in his head. The deal is taking place in some abandoned warehouse in the outskirts of Linkon City. No one else is around for miles. To him, you’re just some weak girl. To him it’s an opportunity. 

There are two other men waiting inside when you enter. Your ears pick up the sounds of two others, in another room, sounds of camera whirring, they’re watching you through them.

Another mission was assigned to you. This was a team of thieves. They were known to cater to a wide variety of the needs that one might have. In other words, they deal with black market goods. Why are you here? Turns out they’ve been using Onychinus’ name to close deals. Considering so much of their “goods” are fakes or in the words Sylus had given you “utterly distasteful”, it wasn’t what he wanted linked to him. You don’t blame him as you look over in barely concealed disgust at the item for sale.

You recognise the odd shape, it closely resembled what you had first thought was a statue in the beginning of the main story. The one in Raymond’s mansion. The man who went insane. At first you had been so confused but as you read online theories and why it happened to him, he deserved it all. 

A skeleton of a Lemurian. That was what lay before you. You remember how large the one in Raymond’s mansion had been. This one wasn’t as big. A child. This is a child. They have a child’s dead body crudely crushed into a box. 

Even in different worlds, humanities evil will always be constant. Rafayel was right to do what he did. 

The man who escorted you scoffs at the look on your face. “You knew what you were getting into,” his hand flicks at your head. “What gives you the right to judge us, missy?”

He falters a little at the deadpan expression you give in response but he looks around and sees that you’re outnumbered and gains the confidence back. He slams down the lid back on the box. “Deals off. But we’ll still collect payment,” he gives you a smile and his eyes flicker down to your chest. You know exactly where he’s going and you’re never going to entertain this. 

Blood spatters on your face as the man chokes at the vines around his throat, as numerous pierce right out of him. You don’t even bat an eye as he drops dead. The other two men react surprisingly quickly and rush at you but are stopped in place by vines around their legs. You contemplate on how to end their lives but ultimately decide they don’t deserve your genius and you kill them just like you killed their friend.

A loud clap rings through the now silent room.

You had heard him a while ago. He had been waiting outside with you. Watching your every move.

He looks even more beautiful in person. You understand why he was labelled the face of the game. Wavy indigo hair framing his face, his eyes a mix of blue and pink, unblemished face and skin just begging to be marked. 

The developers had done such a good job of making him harmless that you along with many others had fallen for it. Even now as he stands before you, you know you should be a little afraid but all you see is his carefree nature. 

“What’s a pretty girl like you doing here?” he asks. His hand comes up to gently wipe the blood on your face. The heat from the contact has you both gasping, eyes simultaneously widening. 

The hold on your face seems to tighten. “Who are you?” his voice deepens in a way you didn’t know was possible. His eyes furrow. “Have we met before?”

You shake your head at him. To be truthful, you don’t know how you should behave around him. 

He seems to consider you for a moment but then his eyes flicker around the room, to all the dead bodies. “Seems like you’ve done my job for me, pretty.” They narrow at you. “Why is that?”

You lick your lips, unsure how to respond. Rafayel watches it with an intensity. He was implied to be very old in the game, having lived countless lives you think. But would he know how to sign? 

Your hand reaches to clutch the fabric of his sleeve, careful to not touch the skin there. You don’t want a repeat of the earlier electrifying reaction. You tug him towards the box not sure why he follows.

You open the box and show him the contents. He tries to hide his expression but it’s a child. The realisation alone had the contents of your lunch resurfacing, you can’t even begin to think what it must be like for him, to see his people hunted. “I didn’t think it would be this bad,” he whispers. “Did you know?”

You shake your head. Taking a gamble, you sign.

[“I’m just here to kill them.”]

“Can’t speak, huh?” he asks. His eyes narrow at your neck. His hands reach out to grab your neck and even though his face is filled with anger, his touch on your scar is ever so gentle. “I suppose this is the cause.” 

Of all people, Rafayel hadn’t been expecting you to be the buyer. He couldn’t even begin to explain the devastation he felt. He went unnoticed as he oversaw the exchange. He won’t admit it but relief flooded his system at the shock on your face at the item for sale, the disgust that followed left him with a sense of elation. 

The sight of you covered in the blood of the men you had slaughtered should not be so ethereal. He wants nothing more than to paint it. A painting just for him.

He’s so lost in the anger at the scar around your neck, he fails to notice the bullet heading for him but you do. 

You easily manoeuvre yourself so it’ll hit you because you’ll survive but he won’t. It lodges itself right into your abdomen. Rafayel is quick to move towards the assailants, ending the last two men in an instant.

When he returns to your figure, you’ve collapsed on the floor. You don’t think you’ll ever get used to how much blood the human body can store. It’s painting the entire floor red. Rafayel places a hand to your pale face, he’s just found and he’s already losing you. “Shit!,” he curses, pulling out his phone, no doubt phoning an ambulance. “Just hold on for me, okay? You still need to tell me your name.”

Given how panicked he is, it’s easy to grasp the phone in his hands and throw it at the wall, shattering it to pieces. You raise a hand to stop his questions. You can feel yourself paralysing, the bullet never made its way out of you, so you’ll have to find it yourself. You reach for the knife tugged into your boot and stab into the gunshot wound. There's no time to inform the man before you, you hold him down with your evol.

Rafayel watches helplessly as you practically tear open your stomach. Every synapse in his brain is screaming to do something. You dig your hand into the wound, looking everywhere for the bullet but you don’t even flinch. He doesn’t know that the pain is excruciating, that even after years of torture you’ve never gotten used to it, you’ve just learnt to live with it. 

With a sense of triumph, you finally dig it out. It was stuck inside your intestines, a fatal wound. For anyone not you. But it’ll be a bitch to heal. You’ll be out for a couple of days. Your eyes meet his horror stricken ones. This was not how you wanted a first meeting with him. God, did you traumatise the poor man? He’s the only one who can help you. Black spots have already made their way into your vision, you’re not going to hold on much longer.

[“No hospital. Will heal on…own.”]

As you slump over, your hold on him disappears. He moves quickly and picks you up, not caring as your blood coats him. 

He’s going to believe you, just this once.

You can heal at his place.

On his bed.

Chapter Text

Hi guys,

I'm on pain medication while I type this so I'm pretty out of it.

The ao3 curse got me, first it was a bee stinging me in the comfort of my own home at 9pm not even thirty minutes after I wrote the first chapter for this and then a bunch of other stuff and lately in my chaotic life, I suffered from a really bad fall and hit my head on the table on the way down. Sounds worse than it actually it lol I'm just suffering from a concussion and am currently in the hospital bored as hell. 

I'm fine, I've been thoroughly checked over. Love my doctor and nurses all of them were so nice, tho unfortunately I accidently flashed my really cute nurse and traumatised him.

Woah I'm rambling, point is next update will happen in two weeks or more. Depends when I stop being so loopy, it's hard even keeping my head up. No one tells you of the neck pain that comes with a concussion. Idk why but for some reason I'm really worried about my grammar as I type this.

Random crackhead in the hospital parking lot said I had a nice ass so at least something good came out of this.

Okay, I'm gonna sleep now and probably regret typing this in the morning so be nice.

*Also I'm too lazy and am gonna copy and paste this into tumblr

Chapter Text

Synopsis: A moment with each one of the men and then finally, a moment with…her.

There is a work of art hidden away in his house.

For the first time in his life, he hides it away for himself. 

~~~

Caleb has been trying to get you to give up his birthday present.

And he’s been failing spectacularly. 

He’s tried every method at his disposal, (not-so) subtly manipulating it out of you, acting cute in hopes you’d give it up and when it all failed, outright asking you about it. None of them worked. No matter how much he flashed those puppy purple eyes at you, you did not give in. Said puppy tried to mope around and sulk in a last attempt but one threat from you to not give the present if he kept it up set him straight. 

Now, it’s June thirteenth and preparations are underway. Since it’s his eighteenth birthday, Caleb’s friends had whisked him away to go clubbing. Neither you or Mara could join but the two of you had spent a great deal of time convincing him to go. That it didn’t bother either of you if he spent most of it with them, that he should be out making those memories so he can look back at them in the future. A future you hoped you could give him. (But you didn’t, did you?)

Mara and you spend the whole day getting the place ready. Josephine was out, for what? You have no idea, you don’t really care for her. You figure that after spending the entire day outside and partying, Caleb would be happy with a small celebration at his home, nothing grand. Only the living room is decorated, streamers hung up, a tacky shiny banner with the words ‘Happy Birthday’ strung up on the wall accompanied by two large gold balloons in the numbers ‘18’. You both also picked out board games and trashy movies but the main thing was his cake.

You make the cake, a simple two-tiered vanilla cake with chocolate ganache covering it. Mara is given decoration duty, she adds numerous sprinkles and edible glitter balls. There’s no rhyme or reason to her art. You let her write the ‘Happy Birthday Caleb’ message on the top, she struggles controlling the piping bag but the end result is readable at least.

The two of you take some time to look over the cake before resting it in the fridge. You both stare at it before breaking out into simultaneous cackles. “It’s hideous,” she says through choked tears, latching onto you and laughing into your neck. 

She’s not wrong. The cake is atrocious. It’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever made.

Eiden rings the doorbell an hour later, at 10:00PM. He couldn’t join sooner since he had work. “Caleb still isn’t home?,” he asks upon entering as you and Mara lounge on the couch, both on your phones. You shake your head in response. He joins you both on the couch, practically collapsing with a deep sigh. You notice him struggling to stay awake and send him back to your house despite his promises that he could stay awake.

Two hours later, it’s midnight and he’s still not here. You stare at the message you had sent an hour ago. 

[Name]:

Still at the club?

No response. He must be really out of it, you can’t remember the last time you messaged him and he hadn’t immediately replied. Oh god, were you getting too spoiled? 

“Come on,” Mara tugs you to her room. “He’s having fun, let’s just sleep.” 

“We can celebrate tomorrow,” she nuzzles into your neck, promptly falling asleep. 

An hour later you’re ripped away from your sleep by a loud bang from the front door. You look at the figure next to you, she’s fast asleep. There’s no need to wake her up, you have an inkling as to who it is anyway. 

Caleb’s friend looks at you sheepishly when you open the door. He backs away from the lock he had been trying to break into and goes to drag up the knocked out lump on the pavement floor. It’s Caleb, he’s passed out. 

“Hey [Name], we didn’t mean to stay out so late. It just happened,” he explains. You don’t really know his name, not that it ever mattered to you. “Bring him to his room,” you nod inside. “Make sure to be quiet. Mara’s sleeping.” 

You walk behind them through the hallway, making sure nothing loud is knocked over. Caleb’s friend dumps him on the bed. “Will you be okay getting home?” you ask him. He nods. “My girlfriend dropped us off, she’s waiting for me outside.” You say goodbye to each other, the front door closes and automatically locks.

You’ve never seen Caleb so out of it. His hair is sticking up in several directions as he remains unaware, sweat decorating his brow. The thick jacket he’s sporting is no help. You move closer to remove it and his shoes and are hit with the smell of alcohol. He’s in desperate need of a shower. Or two. 

Unlacing his shoestrings, you roll him around as you work off the jacket, the heat is getting to you too. You move towards the panel on his wall, turning on the aircon so he can cool down. But he’s still on top of his blankets, he’ll end up freezing. With a sigh, you roll him around so you can remove the sheets tucked into his mattress and finally bring them over the tall man. 

You’re about to turn around when a clammy hand grips your wrist and you’re tugged back down onto the bed. The sudden movement has you close your eyes bracing for the impact, when it’s over you reopen them and stare right back into violet ones. Caleb’s eyes are hazy and hooded over, he’s still not sober but it doesn’t stop him from pressing his lips against yours. 

You remain frozen at the contact but your stiffness doesn’t stop him from moving his lips in a frenzy. It’s unlike the first time he had kissed you, back then there was an element of control to it but the alcohol still in his system has left him anything but. 

Caleb’s eyes are closed as he works against you and you can’t help taking him in. He’s in a messy state, his entire face flushed red but you’re no better. Your heart is practically beating out of your chest and the kiss feels so…nice. You’d be lying if you did it without thinking but you close your eyes and kiss back. Your response has him whining into your mouth, hands trying to desperately move you closer. Your hands sneak up from his back, curling into the ends of his hair and you tug, which only makes him groan. 

He pulls away and you swear his eyes glow in the moon’s light. One of his hands comes up to caress your cheek. “I love you, [Name],” he confesses before dropping his entire weight on you, getting comfortable into your chest. “Even if this is just a dream,” he whispers, falling asleep unaware of the state he leaves you in. 

Light snores fill the room soon after, a soothing noise from the menace that left you so confused. As his hold on you gets tighter, you bring your hand up to your lips, gently tracing over the skin. You can still feel the pressure against them.

You want more.

The sun’s rays wake you up, shining brightly down on your face, making you groan at the sudden brightness. Your eyes snap open as you remember the event that took place in the night. Frantically looking around, you confirm that you’re still in Caleb’s room. Seeing as the sun just rose, it must be around 6:00 AM but the room is missing its owner. He must be downstairs.

For a second you contemplate slipping into Mara’s room and ignoring everything that occurred but Caleb doesn’t deserve that. You already broke him once, can you really do it again? (You did) 

It takes you a couple of minutes to will yourself off the bed, partly because you’re already dreading the conversation and partly because it’s nice to be soaked in Caleb’s scent. Your feet meet the cold wooden floor, you put on his slippers. The noise from them alerts the very man, his head snapping to you as you approach. 

Caleb’s standing before the counter, which has his birthday cake placed on it. His face dons that guilty look you easily recognise. It’s easy to decipher what he’s thinking. 

“Stop,” you say as soon as he opens his mouth. “No one’s mad at you, so don’t start.” 

“But I broke my promise…” he trails off, not meeting your eyes. 

“Finally. I was starting to think you weren’t capable of such a thing. You were out having fun, get over it already,” you move to a cabinet, pulling out small plates. You place them down with a sigh, turning to the now man. “You need to have a life separate from us, Caleb. It’s okay to put yourself first. It’s okay to be selfish from time to time,” you ruffle his hair, he leans into it. But the close contact has you scrunching your nose. “Now go take a shower, you stink.”

“Hey!” he playfully glares at you. In real time you see his eyes light up as he gets an idea. “Don’t even think about it,” you warn, turning to run but he easily catches you, smothering you in a tight hug. “No way, you did this to yourself shortcake,” he laughs when you struggle to get out of his grip. “Caleb, you buffoon! I can’t breathe.” 

He only lets go when you bite down at his arm, practically launching himself away from you with a yelp. You grin smugly at his pout. 

The air thickens as you both maintain eye contact, too many unspoken words amongst you. “About last night…” you begin, breaking his gaze, suddenly too shy. You can feel the heat creep up your neck as you attempt to speak the many thoughts swimming inside your head, the memories of last night not helping. 

“What? Did I do something?” Caleb asks, eyebrows furrowing. 

“Do…do you not remember?” 

“Nope.”

Oh thank fuck. 

“Nothing happened. If you count you caging me in your bed nothing,” you roll your eyes. “Now, go take a shower and wake Mara up. I’ll make breakfast and we can celebrate after.”

With a nod, he turns to leave but you stop him just before he does. “Wait,” you say it softly but he hears it. He always does. 

With practised nonchalance you slide an envelope towards him. “Happy birthday, Caleb.” He examines the envelope, curious as to what’s inside. “Open it.” 

He does as you say, eyes lighting up in wonder at the content.

“You’re such a nerd about air planes and I saw it and thought of you,” you explain, wringing your hands together in hopes he likes it.

“This is…” he trails off, staring at you with too much brewing in his eyes. Ironically, it’s too much for you to handle. “Don’t worry, I checked the company and their reviews were all good. The blimps are all kept it great condition, I even watched videos of them showing the inside and it’s beautiful. And the timing coincides so it’s after your graduation. Think of it as a birthday and graduation gift in one,” you ramble. “But if you don’t like it-”

You’re so caught up in your insecurity that you notice him making quick strides towards you. It’s only you feel his arms around you once again that you stop speaking. His hold isn’t like before, it’s not done in mischievousness. Rather, it’s tender, he holds you like you’re something easy to break. Like you’re fragile.

There once was a time when a hug like this would offend you.

Once.

Now, you lean into it and even though the smell of alcohol still lingers, it doesn’t stop you from pressing your head into him and taking in his smell.

“Is this why you’ve been working like crazy lately?”

You nod. His hold gets tighter. “...For me?” He says it like he can’t believe he deserves it and the thought leaves you angry. He deserves everything.

You’ll spend the rest of your life telling him so.

You pull your head away to glare at him, he only chuckles. His hand comes up to gently brush your cheek. “Thank you,” he whispers, eyes glancing down.

“Love?” Your mother croaks out. “Don’t be so pathetic, [Name]. It makes me laugh.” It’s another night of your father not being here, busy with his other family. The one he truly wants. In a nightly ritual, your mother wanders in, done with whatever club or whoever she was out with. She was greeted with the sight of you on the couch, slowly making her way over and plopping down next to you.

“What are you watching?” she slurs. The only time she asks you about you is when she’s too out of it to remember. “Just a rom-com,” you mutter, about to turn it off and head into your room. You hate dealing with her when she’s like this.

That’s what leads to you here. Before you can call for someone to take her to bed, she reaches out and snatches her hand in yours, her long nails digging painfully into your skin. “Love isn’t possible. Not for us,” she reaches out to caress your cheek. The gesture tender yet filled with insincerity.

“All it is…

is weakness.”

Caleb tries to lean but you back away in time, you ignore the way his eyes dim. He tries to brush it off with a fake smile. “We can make a whole trip out of it. Just you and me and Mara.”

“What do you say, shortcake?”

“Whatever the birthday boy wants.”

You never go on that trip.

~~~

Rafayel thinks he’s really close to becoming insane.

In fact, he’s already been looking at mental institutions. There’s a really nice one two hours away, on a beach. Top facilities and great reviews. He can almost envision himself lying on the sand with the sun on his skin. A misleading drink with a lethal amount an alcohol with a cute umbrella in hand. It’s tempting.

So, so tempting.

Unfortunately, the woman on his bed is even more so.

The website remains bookmarked...for now. He’s sure he’s going to be revisiting it a lot in the future.

It’s been two days since he brought you into his house and you still have the audacity to be asleep. Despite his jokes, it’s been two days and the trembling in his hands still hasn’t gone down. He’s ghosted everyone, telling them all he left on some spontaneous trip for inspiration. In reality, he can’t even pick up a brush or pencil. All thanks to you.

You owe him so much.

And he’s going to cash it in every chance he gets because what gives you the right to have him so worried. He struggles to even close his eyes because then all he sees is the image of you lying in a pool of your blood, practically drowning in your own red.

Thankfully, the bleeding had stopped by the time he got you into his car. At least he won’t have to clean your blood out of his seats. He’s been alive for so long yet for the first time in a while, he’s experiencing something Rafayel has never seen.

He gets a front row seat to seeing your self-inflicted injury heal. Seeing the blood vessels connect, as the muscles form once again and finally new skin overtakes. But it leaves a scar. Another one.

You already have so many.

He doesn’t like that.

Especially as a voice yells inside him that he’s failed you.

Yet again.

Scratch that, you owe him a lifetime debt for his troubles.

He should’ve just ignored your signed words to not go to a hospital and just dumped you in one and washed his hands clean of you. Yet, the anguish in your eyes for a child you didn’t even know is also imprinted in his head. Rafayel doesn’t exactly have a long list of humans he likes but you just might end up on there if you keep this up.

For now, he settles on watching over you. He’s way out of his comfort zone, he knows nothing about you. Not even your name or how the hell you’re still alive. All he knows is that your presence feels familiar despite having never met you.

All he knows that he shouldn’t be so satisfied with keeping you hidden away from everyone. A piece of art just for him. To look and admire all he wants.

The morning clouds have all but sizzled out, replaced by their sombre counterparts as the sun is dragged down. Rafayel has nothing to do but wait. He hates waiting. His doorbell ringing snaps him out.

The camera shows a familiar face. Alluring brown eyes stare at him through the camera, cross-eyed on purpose so he laughs. “What are you doing here, cutie?” he asks through the voice box, quickly moving to open the door but only enough so his body fits and another can’t come through.

Mara grins at him. His shakes go away instantly. “Two whole days went by with no message from you. I knew that going on a trip was all bullshit,” she holds up a bag of takeout. “I come baring gifts,” she hands it to him. He wants nothing but to invite her in...but does he want to share you?

She must have noticed something on his face because she flashes a quick smile. “Just wanted to see if you were okay, Raf,” her soft voice rings out. “I have a early mission tomorrow so I can’t stay but take care,” she waves her hand and leaves. He stares at the spot she was just standing, wanting nothing more than for her to come back. For her to stay and them to eat the food together, the air filled with the lullaby that is her laugh. With a sigh, he closes the door and walks back inside.

What he doesn’t see is that Mara lingers a bit outside on the street, gaze fixed on his house. She’s been to Whitesand Bay dozens of times at this point, Rafayel’s house has become common enough for her to remember where he keeps everything but for the first time, she doesn’t want to leave.

With great reluctance, she battles the need to go back inside and turns to leave.

You stare right into blue eyes. Or are they pink? No...they might be both.

They stare back at you in shock.

You can’t really move much of your body. Everything fucking hurts, you’re starving and all you want to do is sleep. Your eyes flicker, torn between staying awake or sleeping. A shiver runs down your body. A warm hand touches your forehead, a contrast to the cold of your body. “Sleep,” you think that’s what the man tells you. His words fill you with warmth.

So, you sleep.

The next time you wake up, it’s much warmer. There are thicker blankets on you and the heat is on. The clothes you’re in have changed too, woolly sleeping clothes that are oddly a perfect fit. You don’t know how many days have passed but fuck, you’re starving.

It takes a few minutes but you slowly get off the bed and press one foot down on the floor. Then the other. One step. Two step. Until you’re at the bedroom door. Praying it doesn’t creak, you slowly open it. The view the small gap through the door gives you isn’t enough so with caution, you step out. Now that your brain seems to be functioning, you’ve realised you really don’t want to stay here and explain everything. Nope. You’re too tired.

So, what better than to run the fuck away and pretend the last few days never happened!

You’re about halfway to the front door when a voice stops you in your tracks.

“Going somewhere?” an uncharacteristically low timbre from behind you rings out. You turn around flashing the scowling man a sheepish smile. [“I was looking for food.”]

“So, you ignored the whole kitchen?” he rose an eyebrow.

[“Fine...I was making a run for it.”]

You wait for an outburst, even a single line of ‘HA I knew it,’ but he just looks at you and turns toward the kitchen. “There’s soup,” is all he says. Guilt gnaws at your bones or is it hunger?

You quietly follow behind Rafayel, feeling so out of place amongst his beautifully decorated house. Seriously the décor is amazing, not a single thing is half-assed. Even the salt and pepper shakers are works of arts. Would it be too much to ask him to decorate your place? Yeah it would be. But are you going to ask anyway? Yes.

The smell of simple chicken soup smells like food served at a Michelin restaurant, your body reacts like it is as well.

A bowl of steaming soup is offered to you, a spoon placed in it after. A hand nudges you toward a dining table. Rafayel takes a seat in front of you. There’s a bowl placed in front of him but he doesn’t eat, instead taking the time to watch you. Look over you in fact. Satisfaction is thinly veiled in his expression and relief as well. “You look good,” he states and leaves it at that.

It’s awkward eating in such silence but the grumbling in your stomach takes precedence. An empty bowl sits before you in a couple of minutes.

[“I have to leave.”]

Rafayel leans back into the chair, head tilted slightly, gaze narrowed as he analyses you. It leaves you nervous. You really hope it’s the lightning make his eyes appear so red.

“Why were you involved in that meeting?”

[“I can’t tell you.”]

How would you even start? Why would you even tell him anything? Your knowledge on him is outdated anyway and technically this is your first meeting. You remind yourself, you don’t have to tell him. No matter how much you want too.

But you do owe him.

[“It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t.”]

He just hums and maintains eye contact with you. You want nothing more than to look away, his gaze is practically burning into you. You have no idea what he’s thinking and that leaves you scared.

Rafayel reaches into his pocket and slides an object towards you. It’s a phone. His.

“Give me your contact,” is all he says. You give him a confused look. “Agree to answer when I call and you can leave”.

With a sigh, you pick up the phone and do what he wants. There’s a grin on his face at your obedience. “I’ll bring you a change of clothes,” he informs you. You nod and get up to move.

“Oh, and…”

You look back at him but he seems to change his mind and usher you into the room you were recovering in.

He lingers behind you as you walk out the front door.

[“Thank you. You didn’t have to help. And I’m sorry.”]

You give him a smile as he leans against his front door and turn to leave. He doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like you walking away from him.

“You have a story, huh?” At his voice you look back. In similar fashion, he has his arms crossed and head tilted with a slight smirk on his face, like he had done plenty of times in the game. “Will you tell it to little ol’ me?” 

He tries to hide it but you see the flash of insecurity. You feel like you should after all you’ve put him through, no you want to, desperately. If he told you to rip your heart out, you’d do it. And that scares you, why do all of them have such a control over you? It’s hard to change your thinking, one engraved so deeply into you, that love was the ultimate weakness. 

[“Prove yourself worthy first,”] you tease him, brushing it off like the coward you are.

As you walk away, it’s to the undeserved sound of him laughing.

~~~

You crash out on your couch when you arrive.

Which is why it’s weird when you awake on your bed. There’s still a dull ache radiating through your body when you get up to move but it’s nothing you can’t handle. There’s sounds of movement in the kitchen and you’re not worried. No one with bad intentions would place you on your bed with the blanket over you. You pick up two sets of footsteps but nothing else.

The sight of Sylus’s broad back by the stove top isn’t shocking on its own but it is when it’s accompanied with Zayne sitting on a bar stool nursing a cup of coffee with a laptop displayed before him.

Before you can question if hell froze over, Zayne notices you first and all you feel is the warmth of the back of his hand on your forehead. “You’re awake,” he speaks factually, nodding at your temperature. “Good.”

“Had to stop Doc here from hauling you to the hospital, little bird,” Sylus smirks. “Told him you could handle it,” yet his eyes still check you over, shoulders relaxing at your much better state. Zayne glares at him but it lacks the bite it did at their first meeting. “I was worried. It’s not like you to not answer my messages,” he explains.

Right, you left your phone behind before the mission. In your defence, not only do you barely use it but you had thought you would be coming straight back.

[“Right. So, when did you two become friends?”] you raise an eyebrow, pointing at the two of them. Zayne blanches and even Sylus looks a little offended. “Please don’t joke around like that,” Zayne crosses his arms. “Your doctor is right. We’re merely tolerating the other,” Sylus waves his words off. “Sit, I made pasta.”

“And you need to eat. You still look pale”.

Zayne’s eyes still don’t move off your body, filled with concern. You won’t deny the joy you feel at his worry. Sylus places a steaming hot portion of pasta in front of you before taking a seat. “I called him over three hours ago, when I found you passed out,” the snow-haired man explains. “Had to make sure you were okay”.

He doesn’t ask anything more than that, urging you to eat instead. You do. No one says a word, simply focusing on the food. It’s good, Sylus has always been a good cook after all.

A hand clasps around your wrist when you’re done. “You gave me a scare, little bird. Nearly an entire week with no word from you,” his voice is low as his finger caresses your wrist. “I thought…”

...that I sent you to your death.

He moves faster than you, you don’t react to his movements at all. You trust him. He secures something cold to your wrist, his hands cover the object so you can’t figure out what it is. When they move you notice, it’s a smart watch. You rotate your wrist examining it, there’s no buckle.

“It’s a tracker. I refuse to have this happen again,” you throw him a confused look, tugging at the material. [“How do I remove it?”]

“You don’t”.

You look to Zayne for help but deflate at his words. “It monitors your vitals as well, letting us know if something is wrong”.

[“Can you go back to hating each other? I hate this.”]

The two lightly laugh when you try to bite it off.

The lack of agency should anger you. You should be putting up a fight. They don’t get to make such a choice without your approval. That’s the right way to feel.

But you aren’t any of them.

Their simultaneous worry, their concern which led them to undertake an action that could have affected your trust in them, leaves you happy. You feel desired…

...worshipped.

Their actions are concerning. Unhinged.

But what does it say of you who likes it?

~~~

You can be really stupid sometimes.

You’ve long accepted it. For all your academic accomplishments, the most common conclusions often allude you.

For example, you decided to live in a city where your only remaining family member lives, where the main cast either reside in or frequently visit and you still act shocked when you come across one of them.

There was a buzz in Linkon, some festival was happening. You didn’t really go into the details of it, which is why you’re regretting your decision to go grocery shopping on what you thought was a normal day but was in fact the first day of the festival. Every nudge to your shoulder from the large crowd has you contemplating becoming a mass murderer, they’re all so close, each of them so loud with distinct smells. It’s overwhelming.

Even more so when your eyes fall on Eiden. He hasn’t noticed you, not in the huge crowd. His husband is with him, holding his arm and leading him away. Ei shouldn’t be here, this type of crowd could be detrimental.

Despite your increasing worry, you duck behind a random stranger as his eyes swoop over where you had been standing, no doubt feeling your gaze. You swallow for air you suddenly struggle breathing as you freak out, pushing everyone around you as you run for cover, running into an alley.

You collapse on the floor, cradling your head into your arms to try and block everything out. You weren’t ready to see him again.

“Why do you always do that?” a soft voice asks you.

Eiden joins you on the swing in your backyard. It’s a nightly ritual of sorts for you to spend a few minutes out here before heading to bed. Your father built this swing for you a couple years back.

“Do what?” you respond.

“Act like you deserve nothing good,” the previous soft voice is a little more harder now. He’s angry at you.

“I…”

How do you even begin to answer a question like that?

“I don’t get what you mean, Ei,” you settle for this instead.

“It’s exhausting seeing you constantly brush off the affections of others. I know you’re aware of what Mara and Caleb feel for you,” he leaves no room for you to breathe. Seeing you try to get up and leave, his hand encases yours in an attempt to ground you. It works.

“Or even when your own family shows you love, you reject it,” his eyes move across your face. The conversation is too much, you need to leave.

But he’s not done.

“You’ll regret it one day, sis. One day, no one will come back”.

There’s a heavy silence in the air.

He’s still not done.

“It’s time you stop running away from whatever that is and accept the life you live now”.

Funny enough not even a couple hours later, the lifeless bodies of your parents lay before you as you’re dragged away and what you thought was the dead body of your brother crumpled into a corner.

Guess he wasn’t wrong in saying that one day they’ll never come back.

Heavy footsteps snap you out of it.

A sheepish Xavier looks back at you, hesitant to say anything. He’s carrying something fluffy in his arms, a plushie. He must have noticed the confused look on your face as he explains.

“Um…,” he trails off, looking at the plushie in his arms and extends it to you. “I won this at the arcade. I’m not the best at it,” he looks away with a blush. “It actually reminds me of you now that I look at it. I’ll give it to you”.

You take the gift, studying the owl. It’s feathers are the colour of your hair and the eyes just like yours. It looks stupid but your heart warms and before you know it, your laugh rings through the silence.

He stares at you in awe. For a while, he’s frozen but then he sits down next to you. “You...you can continue what you were doing if you want. I’ll just be here. Your silent protector”.

You shake your head. [“I’m okay now, thanks to you.”] He returns the smile you give him. “I’m glad.”

[“But...can we just sit here for a while? I don’t think I’m ready to leave.”]

“Of course, we can. I owe you one for your help anyway”.

Because, it starts with comforting you here then you’ll seek him out after he becomes a safe space. It’s fine with him, he spent years doing the same to you. Soon, he’ll integrate into every part of your life and you won’t be able to get rid of him. You’ll be right where he wants you. 

There has to be a reason you’re here before him now, why his queen is also here. It can’t be a coincidence.

He’ll find the reason as to why.

But no one said he couldn’t enjoy himself while he did.

~~~

“She’s digging around the workings of Onychinus,” Sylus informs you.

“If she gets any closer, I don’t have a choice but to intervene,” he words it like it means nothing but you know he’s silently asking if it’s okay with you.

[“Do what you have to, Sylus. I’ll support you no matter what”.] you reassure him.

Sylus can’t help the excitement that buzzes through him, she’s looking for him. Maybe not him exactly but in just a couple of hours, she’ll be back by his side. You stay back at the base as he orders the twins to handle her carefully while he waits atop the chapel.

The bullet stops mid air as his evol propels it back into the fool that fired the gun.

The twins are quick to scatter as Sylus steps closer to her.

He activates his eye, want-no needing this to be done quick.

[Name] is waiting for us, my love.

But she doesn’t remember. All he feels is the ache in her heart for you and none for him.

Confronted with desires she no longer understands, he shouldn’t be shocked when the knife grazes his cheek. The mark is nothing compared to some of the injuries he’s endured in his long reign as the leader of Onychinus and long before that too.

Then why does it hurt so much?

“I guess you don’t remember anything”.

“After all, you and I...we’re the same. True kindred spirits”.

You think you just might burn a whole through the floor with intensity in which you’re pacing around. It feels like your body might just shut down from the sheer nerves running through your veins.

Is it too late to run?

“...accept the life you live now”.

You can’t. Running away isn’t in the cards for you anymore. Because one day, they won’t come back. And you can’t let that happen.

“[Name]…?”

The achingly familiar voice whispers your name in soft tone, almost like she can’t believe it’s you. You turn to the voice.

As devastatingly beautiful as ever, my Mara.

Except you can’t say those words anymore.

You settle for a smile with tears instead.

Chapter Text

Synopsis: You reunite with the woman who has you so deeply engraved into her heart.

Are you real? She wonders.

If not…

...then what a cruel trick.

~~~

For a second no one speaks.

Sylus lingers for a little bit before walking by you, leaving you two alone. His hand lightly brushes yours in comfort, it helps.

You’re both grateful for having this moment be just between you two but the hammering in your heart wishes he would stay, so you wouldn’t be alone as she stares at you in a mixture of awe and confusion.

She’s grown a little taller, something to be expected after all these years but you still tower over her. The memories of all the times you used to tease her about it nearly make you smile. No longer does she sport the long fringed hairstyle, now it’s cut off at her shoulders, oddly reminding you of the way you used to have it styled in your shared childhood. She’s dyed it red. It suits her.

Red means passion.

But it can also be for danger.

She fits into the hunter uniform better than your imagination had served you. The white shirt fits so snug, you can just see a hint of the muscles underneath. It’s intoxicating.

But it’s clear she hasn’t been taking care of herself. Deep eye bags have settled under her eyes, which flicker constantly in exhaustion. You don’t blame her, not after she’s lost two of the most important people in her life at the same time. Not after losing you.

Her eyes give nothing away as they take in every inch of you. You feel your breath catching in your throat as she does so.

Do you look okay?

Will she be disappointed?

You’re no longer the girl who used to smile easily, who gave care out like it was nothing, who expected nothing in return.

But you can be for her. You’ll be anyone for her.

You’ll do anything.

For her, sacrifice means nothing.

Time seems to slow down with each step she takes toward you, drawing the moment out leaving you on edge. And so fucking nervous.

Your heart might give out when a hand comes up to cradle your face – not in affection but to touch and feel if the skin beneath is real.

“I-is this some type of trick,” she whispers finally, eyes glossed in tears. You violently shake your head in response. For the first time, anger courses through you for your situation. You curse the people who took you, who so effortlessly captured your ability to speak. No longer are you numb to the pain they afflicted upon you, not when you can’t tell her so.

All you can do is hold her in your arms as she collapses into tears. Whether from the overwhelming incident currently occurring or because her exhaustion has finally caught up, you don’t care. Not as you cradle her soft body against yours.

[Name], she whispers into your skin. Repeating it over and over again.

It’s easy to carry Mara out of the room, she feels too small in them, too skinny from lack of eating. You’ll have to remedy that during her stay here, she’s lived without yours and Caleb’s food for too long.

Sylus greets you as you exit, one eyebrow raising in controlled surprise. “Take her into your room,” he softly commands.

Mara wakes up in soft sheets with a killer headache.

Her hand comes up to rub the throbbing her temple, smiling softly as she recalls her dream. At least in this one, she got to see how you would look grown up. At least in this one, it wasn’t your young self asking why she had failed you.

None of her fantasies compared to what she dreamt of last night. The length of your hair, the shape of your body, how you had felt so real – how you had wrapped your arms around her. Years of loneliness had disappeared in that moment, for a while you were by her side and all was alright with the world.

For a while.

But her actions halt as she realises she’s in an unfamiliar room, leaping to her feet as she recalls her meeting with the boss of Onychinus. The very man who might be responsible for the deaths of…

For the deaths of…

Perhaps one day, she’ll be able to think or say it outright.

A knock on the door snaps her out of it. She doesn’t respond, mentally preparing for whoever steps through the door when she hears the doorknob turn. In steps…

You.

You’re carrying a tray of food, smiling when you notice she’s awake. Not caring as her jaw drops open, or that she’s in the corner of the room with her hands rolled into fists ready to strike whoever walks through.

Not you, though. Never you.

“It wasn’t a dream,” she lets out, causing you to smile. She remains frozen, unsure of what to do. Taking one hand off the tray, you guide her back to your bed. Too caught up in the warmth of your hand on her, she follows you without question. Mara already shows signs of improvement on her face from the sleep she had, to your relief.

When you try to remove your hand, so you can put the tray down gently on the nightstand, she pulls you right back on top of her. The food goes flying and lands with a loud shatter on the floor but you’re too distracted as you end up straddling her to care. Her hands come up to rest on your hips, like it’s natural, like it’s meant to be.

Mara wastes no time in exploring your body, hands moving across every inch like an explorer in an unknown part of a map. Her hands caress your chest, feeling the blood pumping through your veins, fingers trailing over the goosebumps on your arms, one hand rests over your heart just so she can feel it beat.

She’s real. She’s real. She’s real, repeats in her head over and over again. She doesn’t realise she’s crying when a hand cradles her face and wipes the tears away. She lurches forward, grabbing you into a hug, arms wrapped tightly around you and her head buried into the centre of your chest. You simple thread your fingers through her hair as she wails into your chest, pressing kisses to the crown of her head.

No words need to be spoken for you to know this is all she needs in the moment. Neither of you really know how much time passes nor do you really care. Mara’s cries seem to slowly die down, she settles for breathing in your artificial scent from lotions and perfume.

Her mind seems to reel, no matter how much proof she gathers that this is real, she has a hard time believing the evidence. Slowly her head lifts up, heart clenching in awe as you gaze at her softly. It’s when she finally notices the scar across your neck, eyebrows raising in question. Her hand immediately reaches to trace, dangerously gentle.

“What happened?” she nearly shouts in concern.

You open and close your mouth a few times, unsure on how to proceed. “C-can’t…” you trail off. The tears make a comeback in Mara’s eyes, as she comes to her own conclusion. “Can’t speak?” she finishes for you. You nod.

“I know how to sign,” she confirms. “They taught us in the Academy,” her eyes widen at the sentence. “I’m a hunter now, [Name],” she rests her chin where her head had been, gazing up at you. “Aren’t you proud of me?”

The sadness in the air is replaced by two soft laughs as you nod.

[“You have no idea how much.”]

For a little bit, she stares at you. As if contemplating doing something that she believes might ruin the moment. “I want to do something, angel. Please don’t hate me,” she pleads. You tilt your head in confusion.

[“Never.”]

It’s all the desperate woman in front of you needs. Years of believing you were dead, of finding sanctuary in those carrying pieces of you finally boil over. Her lips are on yours before you can even move, kissing you like the starved fool she is.

Maybe you’re no better as you immediately return the kiss, delighting in the way she hums into your mouth with joy. Her hands slip under your carefully selected night-gown, moving up your thighs and taking the silk material with them. All she has to do is slip a strap off your shoulder to gain access to the skin underneath.

She swallows your moan as a cold finger gently brushes the tip of your nipple, unsure if she can proceed. Taking your whines as confirmation, her hand cups your breast, feeling whatever she can in her hand. You can feel yourself get lightheaded as neither of you have yet to take break from kissing. Your entire body heats at her touch, grinding your lower half into her thigh, chasing friction as you lose yourself in each other.

Yet the rational part of her mind wins as she realises all the unspoken questions between you two. There’s still so much she doesn’t know. Like why you’re in the N109 zone in the first place. She pulls away from you as realisation sinks in, the moment is ruined leaving you staring at confused.

“Was it Sylus who did this?” she asks, pointing at your neck. Blinking as you mentally go over her words, you shake your head.

“What are you even doing with him? He’s dangerous,” she hisses, not wanting to admit to herself that she’s jealous.

“He might’ve even been behind Caleb’s death!”

[“Sylus would never do that,”] you defend.

Mara’s eyes dim at your response, pushing you off her and creating distance.

“You mean the same man that just kept me locked up for three days, forcing me to try and resonate with him?” she snaps.

You look away ashamed, you had gotten used to the changed man Sylus had become for you, that your forgot what he can truly be like. How can you even begin to explain it all to her?

That one day, she’ll come to love him. Just like you do.

“Why aren’t you shocked he’s dead?”

Your eyes widen at her question as you meet her gaze. It’s the first she’s ever looked at you in anger and in betrayal.

“How long have you known?” she whispers.

[“Since it happened.”]

Mara says nothing and it leaves you panicked.

“I was so caught up in you being still alive, I didn’t even see the signs,” she chuckles darkly, bringing a hand up to push through her hair. “I need to talk to Sylus,” she finishes, leaving the room.

Leaving you behind.

~~~

Mara steps out into the hallway.

For the first time in her life, she doesn’t want to see you.

Because the heartbroken look on your face is still imprinted in her mind, no matter how hard she tries to remind her heart that you deserve it. Because she’s never made you cry before and all she wants is to go back into that room and finish what she had tried to start.

She takes out her Hunter watch, not shocked as it displays no signal. She comes across a black bird, perched on a pillar. She looks over the bird, deciding it closely resembles a crow despite it being so metallic. Mara thanks her hunter skills as the bird she thought was a statue suddenly zooms past her, into another corridor. She doesn’t know why she follows it.

Soon she comes across a room, her resolve to talk to the man in charge out the window as she hears him talk to a man in that cold manner of his. Every hair on her body stands on edge, a desire to run wins. But a quick flash of your face stops her and it’s enough time for Sylus to force her out.

Mara finds herself in some sort of dining room. Sylus walks over and pours her a glass of wine, like she hadn’t put a bullet through him not so long ago.

“This will be useful for defending yourself in the N109 zone,” he places a gun in front of her with a cold chuckle. As always his indifference to her, leaves her angry.

“Are you mocking me?”

“I’m giving you a way out.” He takes a seat in front of her. “Since you can’t escape, why don’t we make a deal?”

“I’m not interested.” She drinks the wine, the strong liquid an escape she desperately needs.

“As long as you have desires, there will always be deals to make.”

Sylus’s right eyes glows that familiar red, the same that gave her all those hallucinations. He flips a coin in his hand. “So many days have come and gone. You should know your own desires by now.”

“You mean [Name]?” her eyes narrow, standing up and gripping the edges of the table as a clutch. “Is that why she’s here? You’re going to use her as a bargaining chip?” And here she was defending you, she thinks bitterly. What do you see in this guy, angel?

“You know what, fine. I’ll accept this deal. I resonate with you and not only do you give me the Aether core from your auction, you let me leave with her-”

“No.”

Mara glares at him. “What do you mean, no?” she snarls. “Is the core that precious to you?”

“No, she is.”

His declaration is like a splash of cold water on her face, the buzz from the wine is all but faded.

“[Name]’s free to go as she wishes anyway,” he tilts his head with a mischievous look in his eyes, bordering on malicious. “But she’s still mine.”

But he’s still not done. “Besides with the way you just ripped her heart out, how confident are you that she’ll even leave with you now?” he smirks.

“H-how did-”

“This is my house,” he responds wryly. “Of course I know what goes on in it.”

Mara finds herself lost in how to respond. She moves forward to clutch his hand in hers.

“Release me. You can’t do that just yet.”

He knows the woman before him is moving in desperation. You do seem to have that effect on all of them.

Mara looks up at him, wondering why he’s struggling in his head. Wondering why his power seems so familiar. For a while she grips onto his hand, trying her best to will her evol to work. Embarrassment at her own actions creep up, Sylus’s lips quirk at her cuteness though she’ll never know it.

“After all that arrogance, it seems like you can’t even control your own evol,” he teases.

“At the very least, it doesn’t want to be activated in front of you!” she bites back. Again [Name], what do you see in this arrogant jerk!

He shakes his head. “Just as I thought. You’re too weak.”

“You’ve seen the scars on her body,” he whispers. “How can you protect her from the powerful enemies she’s made?”

Mara stares at him.

“Face it. She’s protected as long as she’s by my side.”

“What happened to her? What enemies are you talking about?” she questions.

“It’s not my story to tell,” he waves her off causing a scoff out of her.

He pinches the area between his brow. “Eat as much as you want,” he commands.

She turns to look at the long table. It’s filled with exquisite dishes, each one familiar. Sylus clears his throat to get her attention. “[Name] cooked all your favourites. She was concerned at how frail you felt, the least you can do is eat the food. After you’re done, come find me outside the base’s entrance.”

He walks over to the door, turning back to say one final thing.

“You better hope our deal is successful. Otherwise, consider this your last meal.”

~~~

The snow-haired man approaches the crouched figure taking refuge in his bedroom.

“First time in the doghouse, little bird?” Sylus teases as he crouches in front of you, eyes softening when your lift your head up – swollen eyes meeting his.

[“She hates me,”] you sniffle. He moves to sit down next to you.

“She doesn’t hate you,” he comforts. “She’s just angry. Rightfully so.”

His larger hand comes to hold yours, tugging you into his side. “Even if you had wanted to go back, I wouldn’t have let you. Not at that time, so we can share the blame.”

[“Don’t be hard on her, this is all to much for her.”]

He chuckles. “I’ll do what I want,” he playfully coos, wiping away tears on your face. “Now stop crying, we have somewhere to be.”