Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ash’s taste in men was questionable on the best of days, and on the worst…Sennan could get fucked for all Rae cared - she’d never liked that shem. She didn’t like most shems, if she was being honest. She didn’t actively hate them, she just simply didn’t care for them. Only a few had managed to prove themselves worthy of her attention, and only recently. When she’d first regained consciousness after the explosion at the Conclave and deemed their Herald of Andraste, she’d been sure she’d died and gone to her personal hell. To not only be surrounded by shems, but to be lauded as their saviour too? Ugh. Horrific.

Solas had been a beacon of hope amongst the sea of curved ears and disdain. She’d flocked to him like a moth to flame, eager for companionship from someone who felt familiar - even if he wasn’t overly fond of the Dalish. It wasn’t as though her clan was particularly attached to her to begin with, so it felt like less of a betrayal. If not for Solas, perhaps she would have requested Ash join her instead of the short letter she’d written. She should have known better than to think her overbearing sister wouldn’t show up anyway. And of course, she’d immediately hated the only person Rae felt fully comfortable around. 

Yet somehow, Ash had sniffed out the uptight ex-Templar - the last person Rae would have guessed she’d gravitate towards. Rae liked him well enough; he gave his honest opinion and had respected her from the beginning. She trusted him about as much as she could for a shem.

Rae had assumed that Cullen, with his perpetually grumpy demeanor and broken past that was typically Ash’s type, would be overshadowed by his ex-Templar status.

She’d been entirely wrong. 

Rae drummed her fingers on her desk, a missive concerning the Commander’s forces lying on the glossy surface. It hadn’t been her intention to interrupt their…intimacy, but when she’d heard Ash’s giggles from the hole in his roof that he’d insisted stay unrepaired - much to Josephine’s chagrin - she’d been unable to help herself. He should get better locks if he really wanted to keep her out. Ash would ensure that Rae paid for her transgressions later, but it had been worth it to see her sister’s irritated scowl and Cullen’s full body blush. 

Giggling to herself, she penned a response to a noble requesting the Inquisitor’s blessing for his marriage. She couldn’t care less, but they needed the funds he’d pledged in exchange. Blessing officially given. 

A knock at her door interrupted her as she sealed the letter with her wax stamp. 

“Come in,” she called, adding the letter to her outgoing pile. 

Heavy bootstraps and the light clinking of armour signalled the Commander’s approach, and Rae suppressed a grin. She hadn’t expected him to arrive so quickly. She’d mean what she’d said; he could have finished fucking her sister first - ew - the missive could wait. Truthfully, it had been an excuse to stretch her legs and get some fresh air. But Cullen had always been a man of propriety - how he ever put up with Ash’s extreme lack of that particular value she may never understand - and he’d come to attend to his duty post haste. But maybe he’d been quick about it and managed to cum in—

Cullen cleared his throat as he approached her desk. “Inquisitor,” he greeted, voice hoarse and unable to meet her eyes.

Rae’s lips quirked into a slight smirk and she leaned back in her chair, folding her fingers together and resting her ankle on her knee. “Commander Cullen.” 

He glanced up at her, straightening his back, his cheeks tinged with a light blush. “You requested me?” 

Nodding, Rae pushed a glass of water towards him - having already prepared it in anticipation of his arrival. 

Cullen hesitated, but upon her pointed look, he inclined his head in thanks, taking the glass in hand and sipping. 

Rae timed her question for mid-sip. “What are your intentions with my sister?” 

Inhaling water was never a pleasant experience - whatever composure he’d managed to regain since she’d left his room was swiftly lost in a hacking cough as he expunged the water from his lungs. 

Face red and blotchy, he put the glass back on the desk when he was able to speak. “I beg your pardon?”

“You heard me.” 

Cullen sighed, tilting his head back like he was begging his Maker for strength. “I suppose I did.” 

“And?”

Pursing his lips, he was silent for a beat. “I intend to be with her,” he said, softer than before, sweeter than Rae had expected. “For as long as she’ll have me, that is.”

Rae huffed through her nose. Did he know how long that would be? She’d never seen Ash so smitten before.

“And if that’s forever?”

His blush deepened and his gaze dropped to her desk. He mulled over her question, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed, and just when Rae was about to prompt him, he provided his answer. 

“If that is what she wants then…yes,” he said with conviction, his jaw steeled against her response. 

Rae had no doubt that Ash didn’t know what she wanted, but Rae could see it as clear as day. Ash loved him, she was happy with him, her smile brighter than Rae had ever seen it before. A weight seemed to lift from her shoulders when he was around, and the soft secretive smiles he shot back at her, completely unaware that everyone saw how deeply he adored her…this relationship was good for both of them. Cullen could provide the support that Ash had never allowed Rae to - and other supports that a sibling could not provide. Perhaps Rae could worry about Ash’s sanity less now that there was someone else trying to ensure that she didn’t burn herself out - someone else for Ash to live for. 

“Good. You both deserve some happiness.” Rae paused as relief flickered in his gaze. “And if you break her heart, well, I’m sure you can imagine what I’d have to do.”

She may be grinning, but her threat was as real as the glint in her eyes. 

Arms crossed over his chest, seriousness befell his features, pulling his lips into a frown and furrowing his brows. “I’m well aware of what you’re capable of, Inquisitor. But I’d be more worried about what Ashvalla would do to me.”

Rae chuckled. Smart man. “Quite right,” she said, the missive she’d wanted to address with him catching her eye. She’d said all she needed to on the matter of her sister, she saw no point in dwelling. “So, the real reason I needed to speak with you…”

Rae held the parchment out for him, and Cullen, eager to move to a more familiar conversation, relaxed. 

For now, at least. Rae was sure that Ash - purposefully or not - would test every ounce of patience that poor, unsuspecting shem had. 

* * *

“Did you know?” 

Rae had never seen her Commander so incensed - barely holding it together, his leather gloves creaking and his jaw clenched so tight that the bones may snap. 

Her sister - Creators, her fucking sister - was possessed. By a spirit of love, if Solas was to be believed. He’d been so calm, casual almost, when he’d told her of his betrayal. How could he have kept such a secret from her? She was his Inquisitor and his…well, she didn’t know what she was to him, but she’d thought she was important. Ordering him out of her sight was all she’d been able to do to keep herself from screaming her foul rage at him until she’d flayed him down to the bone. She’d done it to her own sister - why not add her almost-lover to the list. 

And now her sister’s lover was demanding more from Rae, and she didn’t want the Mythal damned reminder. Ash had been happy with him, had finally had someone outside of Rae that she could focus her protective instincts on. But now…his lips curled back in a snarl, anger suffusing his short breaths. 

Her muscles tensed. He’d caught her as she was about to retire to her tent for the evening - having left Ash’s side at the healer’s for the first time in hours. She was stable, she would live. Rae hadn’t goaded her to her death. Why couldn’t the people she loved stop getting hurt on her behalf? What was it about her that cursed everyone around her? 

Sometimes she wondered if everyone would be better off if she just disappeared. 

“No,” she ground out, “I didn’t.”

Rae wasn’t sure if it would have changed anything if she had. Ash was her sister, she could be a diseased toad and Rae would still love her - from afar, but the sentiment remained. 

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose, a headache brewing behind his eyes that Rae could almost feel in her proximity. Rae squared her shoulders, her chin held high. 

“Is that all, Commander?” 

He dropped his hand, and for a moment, all she saw was a soul deep ache that shredded the little energy he had. Eyes lowered, brows pinched, a scowl etched onto his lips. Broken heart on his sleeve. Pity pulsed in her chest. He was a good man, loyal and caring. She hoped he’d find it in himself to forgive Ash - she hoped Ash would let him. 

Is this what mamae wanted? For one daughter to tear herself to shreds for the other? Rae had loved their mother, but resentment had started to take its place. How dare she try to take the only family Rae had left.

“What will you…” His lips screwed up like he’d tasted sour grapes. “Will she—is she—“

He cut himself off with a sigh, shaking his head. What will you choose as punishment? Will she be made Tranquil? Is she alright? Rae could finish them for him, if she’d wanted to, but there was no need. 

“Solas has vouched for her spirit, and once she wakes he will provide a more thorough assessment. After that, if she’s deemed safe, she will have similar privileges that she had before this reveal. Once all of this dies down.” Rae waved her hand, a vague gesture meant to indicate the general commotion. 

A flash of relief crossed Cullen’s face, so quick she almost missed it - his features relaxing momentarily before hardening again. 

“Thank you.” He nodded stiffly, body half-turned away as if making to leave, but unable to force himself any further from where Ash lay, recovering in her tent. Isolated. 

Rae strode forward, clasping him on the arm and making him jump. “Knowing Ash, she’s expecting the worst possible reaction. I doubt she expected to wake up at all, least of all with her magic intact.” 

His eyes darkened, understanding what she meant. Tranquility. “I would never allow that,” he said quickly and firmly. 

Rae released his arm. “I’m not the one you need to convince.” 

Cullen frowned, but he didn’t disagree. To reach her sister through all that fear she buried deep down was a near impossible task. If anyone could succeed, it would be the Commander. However, whether or not Ash would permit him to even attempt such a feat was an entirely different story altogether. And not one that Rae had the authorial sense to predict.