Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Barbarisms by Barbaras

With pointed heels

Victorious Victorias kneel

For brand new spanking deals

Marching forward, hypocritic

And hypnotic computers” 

Jaune doesn't really feel like things are good right now with Lila. She didn't know why, but she knew something was up. You have to know something is up with a person when you've been friends with them since forever. And especially if it's someone like Lila, who's crazily obsessed with having a decent life and schedule. Along with helping her son.

But she KNEW, she knew for a fact that something was up. She didn't know what it was, because she knew Lila was hiding something from her. And she didn't understand why Lila would hide something from her. She was her best friend since childhood, why would she be hiding something from her? Was it something extremely terrible? She didn't get it.

“There's gotta be something wrong here,” Jaune muttered to herself as she looked at the floor. There's something completely wrong here. There was to be; her husband knew it, and her son knew it. Hell, Lila's son knew it as well, and he thinks every month is October. “I swear to God there's something up here, I have no idea why. But something's just feeling wrong here,”

She heard the sounds of a song randomly playing in her house. She paused for a little bit, deciding to stop for a little bit and hear some tunes. Maybe it can ease her mind a little bit. The song was B.Y.O.B by System of a Down. At first, the song was pleasant, but then she heard the lyrics:

“You depend on our protection

Yet you feed us lies from the tablecloth

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, ooh,”

For some reason, this reminded her of Lila YET again. She had no idea why but for some reason. For some completely odd reason. Was it because Serj Tankian’s lyrics reminded her of Lila depending on her for some odd reason? She had no idea at all. She only knew this was going to get stuck in her mind for a long time.

She was not going to bother asking Lila what was wrong at first. She had responsibilities of her own, being a mother and a wife. She was simply not at the age to be that concerned for her friend compared to her family. But due to the events in the bar and this sudden realization from this song. She had to know what was wrong with Lila. She had to.

Maybe it had to do with the death of Lila's husband? She never took it well after the deputy told her the news. But by this point, Jaune didn't know. She just shook her head and let the music play as she started forming up a plan.

“Everybody's going to the party

Have a real good time

Dancin' in the desert

Blowin' up the sunshine”

After a while, Jaune got up and told her son and husband that she was going to do some errands. She then grabbed some things and left her house. Driving out of her house and heading into the local Candy store. Her mind filled with questions and System of a Down playing over and over again.

–

“Kneeling roses disappearing

Into Moses' dry mouth

Breaking into Fort Knox

Stealing our intentions

Hangers sitting, dripped in oil

Crying, "freedom"

Handed to obsoletion

Still you feed us lies from the tablecloth

La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, ooh”

The sadness started a few months ago in November. It was right after Halloween. Or maybe a few months… Jaune’s memory was a bit hazy at the time. November 2013 was quite a pain for everyone.

Lila felt like shit. She was still in her work clothes, her eyes were extremely baggy. The lavender hair that she seemed to always have was unkempt. Messy like a Nazi base in 1945. And Jaune couldn't help but notice as soon as she called her.

She was not ok or normal when Jaune and her husband picked her up. She would barely talk to anyone and just stare out of the window. She would also think about the past.

The amount of times Jaune heard Lila talk about the horrors that happened in the town was mind-boggling. It led up to Jaune just straight up saying: “Just stop and drown off that away with some booze on? You need it!”

To this day, she thought what she said was completely idiotic. She even turned to her husband, Aaron, only to see his face filled with complete concern. And part of her only began to regret it as soon as she said that sentence.

But that's not the only wave of regret right now. There was more of that to come soon enough.

All three of them went into the bar. All with some weird sense of concern deep inside their brains. But just as always, Jaune tried to go and stay positive in this situation. I mean, she was just doing a friend a favor, right? Besides, Lila was a hard-working single mother; she deserved it!

But things got more and more sad when they started drinking. As soon as Lila got more and more drinks, it felt like she was less there mentally. It was the classic drunk behavior that Jaune knew too well.

It was not long before Lila quickly became piss drunk before Jaune or Aaron even had a third beer. But instead of saying something stupid or burping for the whole time. She did something weird…

Lila just wrapped both of her arms around one of Jaune's and held it tightly. She also began to gently rest her head on Jaune's shoulder and nuzzled it really gently. It was like Jaune was someone precious to Lila. Like Lila was depending on Jaune just existing.

“Lila?” Jaune asked, she wasn't physically uncomfortable, but she really was surprised by this sudden action. “Are you ok?”

While she asked that question. The bartender walked over, his face blunt as he stared at the three. Aaron and Jaune glanced at each other, yep, this was so damn awkward. Other people were not looking, thank God. But things still felt super off after the bartender started a conversation.

“Do you want any more drinks, folks?” The bartender asked politely. “This is open all night unless ya do something stupid,”

Before Jaune or Aaron could say anything. Lila said the following in a genuine affectionate yet slurred sentence that shocked both of them so hard:

“Yeah, I would like… two, uh,” she said as she pointed at Jaune; she then giggled a little bit as she managed to point right at Jaunes's face. “DRINKS! Yeah, I'd like two drinks for me and this beautiful woman right next to me right here! She needs it!”

“Uhh, what?” Jaune said as she stared at the drunken lady's words.

“Oh don't lie to me!” Lila said between drunken giggles and laughs. “You're the cutest thing anyone's ever seen! I think I love you-”

Lila then somehow passed out like it's nothing on the floor. Jaune felt confused. Did Lila say what she thought she just said? Nothing made sense at all. And she hoped that Lila didn't mean she liked her in that way. Jaune was already married and didn't want to cause any issues for Lila or herself.

She looked at Aaron again, her husband's face was now deep in concern. He sighed and shook his head, getting up and making a gesture to leave.

“Let's just leave and drop her off once she wakes up,” Aaron said. “We don't want to get into another bar fight again, plus I feel like we all need rest,”

“Fair point,” Replied Jaune. “It's getting late, we need to check on our son. Lila would probably want that too,”

Lila then woke up not long after. She was able to stand, but moving was very awkward. But she managed to sober up quite well. Lila didn't know why the car ride home was so silent and awkward. And she would never know.

Jaune still thought about that night. She didn't know if the risk was even worth it. But sometimes, the truth needed to be shared, even if it could end a friendship. She had to figure out what was going on with Lila. Things would not be normal if she just left it like this.

The only thing filling her mind was a System of a Down song and guilt.

“Everybody's going to the party

Have a real good time

Dancin' in the desert

Blowing up the sunshine

Everybody's going to the party

Have a real good time

Dancin' in the desert

Blowin' up the sunshine”

-

“Blast off, it's party time

And we don't live in a fascist nation

Blast off, it's party time

And where the fuck are you?”

Maybe this wasn't the wisest choice to go back into the Candy Club after the little “incident” that Jaune had with the employee. She didn't know why she and Lila shouted at him in front of the sheriff. Part of her felt bad about it.

The employee's name is Kevin, he's just a good hard-working all around guy. And for some reason due to some incident involving Lila's son, Jaune just yelled at him. Why? Hell, did anyone know? It was another thing that Jaune regretted.

But sometimes, as some people say, life doesn't work that way. And Jaune soon learned about that by befriending a man named Streber. He was a smart young guy who worked at a haunted house and was a kind well-meaning guy.

He and Jaune talked for hours sometimes. It was to the point that they each paid for the other's medical bills. And it turned out that Streber was dating Kevin. Jaune felt terrible after finding out the context of the most recent incident. But when she talked to Streber, Streber pulled a curveball out of nowhere.

“Listen, Jaune, I am not upset at you!” He told her in the same cheerful tone he always seems to have. “Look, I'll tell Kevin not to worry, and you go apologize to him the next time you see each other. It's just some big misunderstanding and I bet that it's not going to make you full-blown enemies or something ridiculous like that,”

“Are you sure?” Jaune asked. “He seems like a stressed-out guy and I don't want to possibly make it worse,”

Streber just calmly chuckled and patted Jaune on the back while saying a calm collected: “Jaune, I know Kevin like the back of my hand. Trust me when I say this: he will forgive you eventually. And I can definitely convince him, done it before. Will do it again,”

And now here she was, driving right near the candy club just to ask for some advice. I mean, what else would she need? Tonight's the night where things will change, probably forever. And Jaune had to prepare. She knew Lila was bisexual in some way, but she didn't know how to approach that.

She wasn't really homophobic or anything; in fact, she had some very spicy relationships with women before. She dated at least two girls before she got married to Aaron. But she wasn't fully aware of the LGBT community like some others in town were. She doesn't know how to approach issues with this community, and she's wise enough to know what she's ignorant of. 

Soon enough, she drove her car to a stop and parked it. She then got up and went into the store, feeling a little bit of cold air going through her as she went inside.

The Candy Club smelled like sugar and sadness, as soon as the blonde went into the place, guilt hit her like a truck. She noticed that Kevin was there with Streber on the counter. Kevin looked completely shocked as he saw Jaune just walk in. Streber’s hand was the only thing that prevented Kevin from just dashing away from her.

“Oh God no,” Kevin muttered. “Please don't tell me that I'm going to lose my job!”

Streber just sighed and kissed Kevin's cheek. “Calm down Kevs, I know her. She's a friend of mine,”

“Why are you friends with her?” Kevin asked.

“I just am,” Streber causally muttered as he let go of Kevin's hand. “Just calm down! There's not going to be any incident or whatever. Chill and all will be well!”

Jaune just grabbed some candy, walked over to the counter and paid. She didn't bother asking for change while Kevin nervously did his job. Streber waved at Jaune while this all happened, Jaune didn't really respond for now.

The silence was very brief, but it felt like it lasted for a solid five minutes. Streber was the only one out of the three who wasn't completely surprised or burdened by something. Before Streber could say anything though, Jaune cut the silence.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey?” Kevin said back, nervously.

“Look,” Jaune said with a sigh as she picked up the candy she bought. “I'm sorry about the last time I saw you. We were just really worried about my friend's son and we were stressing out hard. But that didn't warrant us yelling at you like that and getting the police involved. You're a good guy just doing his job, you didn't deserve that. And I apologize on my friends' behalf too,”

“Ok?” Kevin asked, a little shocked and confused. “Thank you, Mam, I don't know what to say to that,”

“See!” Streber added, confusing both Jaune and Kevin. “Told you things were going to be fine, Kevin! Jaune isn't that bad now eh?”

Kevin looked at Streber and sighed. He then rubbed his head a little bit.

“You didn't have to say that," Kevin muttered. “Should you be at work anyway?”

“I'm on break, remember?” Streber replied as he shook his head and patted Kevin on the back. “Plus, of course, I had to tell you this! You were so worried that she was going to get you in jail or something like that!”

“Ok but would you blame me for that?” Kevin asked. “We live in the same apartment now Streber. We both need to pay our half of the rent!”

“I love you, Kevin,” Streber said with a chuckle.

“Love you too Streber,” Kevin replied.

“Uhhh?” Jaune said, startling both of them as she fiddled with her fingers. “Can I ask you something? I came here for something else and I need advice from either of you,”

“Oh crap sorry about that!” Blurted out Kevin, feeling a little confused that an older woman was asking him such a question. “What advice did you come here for?”

“Well, uhh,” Another pause, and then Jaune decided to say it outright. “You know my friend right? Who yelled at you last time?”

“Yeah,” Streber said. “We both know about Lila!”

“Yeah, what Streber said,” Kevin added. “What about her?”

Jaune then just sighed and told them the whole tale. About the weird situation that happened in the bar, about Lila being off. And how Jaune thought that maybe her friend was hiding something.

“I don't know how to confront her about it,” she began to finish. “I don't know how to communicate with her about this, never knew she was a bi in the first place…”

“I honestly have no idea, maybe take it slow?” Kevin answered, he then gave Streber a glance. And Streber quickly said something as soon as he saw that look.

“Oh… uhh, yeah… I agree with Kevs,” Streber said. “Asking anyone this is risky if you're not doing this correctly. And it seems like Lila's just… facing a lot of stuff right now. I don't know what to add about that,”

Jaune just nodded and said a “Thank you,” before just leaving. She honestly didn't feel more informed about what to do than before. But she just sighed, went to her car, and drove to Lila's house. Not even wondering how Lila would respond to what Jaune would tell her.

-

“Where the fuck are you?

Where the fuck are you?

Why don't presidents fight the war?

Why do they always send the poor?

Why don't presidents fight the war?

Why do they always send the poor?

Why do they always send the poor?

Why do they always send the poor?

Why do they always send the poor?”

As soon as Jaune knocked on the door of Lila's house. She accepted and let her go in. For a second, it felt like a normal visit, talking with Lila and drinking. The usual. But then she found out that something was wrong.

Lila was more depressed. Her hair was slightly unkempt and messy, yet she had major bags under her eyes. Her clothes were baggy and a little messed up. And she was more paranoid. She barely slept and recently bought a handgun for self-defense. She changed way too much.

They were now at the nearby table, drinking some water while some depressing song was just playing on the radio. Lila was just staring at her drink for a couple minutes as Jaune tapped on the table and began thinking and pondering.

How the fuck am I going to ask this without sounding weird? Jaune thought as she looked at Lila. Why did she come all the way here just to ask her something this risky? She didn't even want to think how Lila would react to Jaune rejecting her. But she had to go and get this over with. 

This couldn't last forever though. And Jaune had a family now. She couldn't let this ruin anything that was going on right now. So this had to be it. And she didn't know what to do with it.

So far it was dead silence. There was barely any small talk between Lila and Jaune after they got water. It was… really awkward. Usually, the opposite happens.

It didn't take another second until Lila decided to break the silence:

“Jaune?” She asked, causing Jaune to almost spill the drink she had. Lila's voice was soft, gentle, yet solemn. “What's going on? Are you ok? You haven't been talking for minutes now, do you have something in your mind?”

And then there was another pause. Before Jaune responded.

“Yeah, yeah. I do,” Jaune said. “Lila, are you alright? You haven't been taking it well since Halloween-”

Jaune got shushed by Lila as soon as she tried to say it. She began to shake a little bit as she looked at Jaune. Her eyes penetrated Jaunes's very soul for a moment.

“Please don't mention that!” She blurted out as she looked at the blonde. The tension was now more awkward. And then she asked the five million dollar question: “Also, what do you mean by that? I know I haven't been taking it well but it isn't that bad!”

“Lila…” Jaune replied; she took a deep breath before sighing and pointing at Lila. “I feel like you are hiding something from me. I know I didn't tell you this, but I think I just have to now.

“When you were super drunk on that November day when we went to the bar. You began to cling to me and began rambling about how you ‘loved me.’ Or something like that. It's been making me think that you're hiding something from me. I know you're having a hard time currently, but you have to tell me what's wrong. I don't want you to feel so worried, no one wants that. Not your son, not me, no one. So if it's ok to ask again, are you alright?”

That stopped Lila’s train of thought dead in her tracks. She widened her eyes and looked completely shocked. She then frowned and whispered:

“No, don't tell me I said that when I was drunk,” Lila said. “Oh, I'm so sorry, Jaune. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything!”

“You did, and it's fine,” Jaune quickly replied, trying to go and calm her friend down a little bit. “I'm not upset. I… just want you to know that I'm here for you and that you don't need to hide anything from me. Your secrets are safe with me,”

“Are you sure?” Lila said, now having a hard time looking directly at Jaune. She felt so ashamed. “I don't want to risk anything-”

“Yes,” Jaune said. “Yes, I am sure Lila. I always was,”

Lila then took a deep breath and sighed. She then threw a curveball that surprised Jaune. Even though it really shouldn't.

“Jaune,” Said Lila, staring into the other woman's eyes and holding her hands together. After a few blinks and awkward silence. She said the same thing. “I'm sorry, but I'm in love with you.”

“What?” Jaune blurted out. She didn't even know why she asked.

“I said I'm in love with you,” Lila said; her look was the worst Jaune had ever seen. Her eyes started to water it. “I know that you're married and all but… I can't stop thinking about you. You're in my dreams and everything! I can't stop thinking about being near and doing every single intimate thing with you. I have had this ever since my ex-husband died! You're so damn cute and I don't know what to do about it. I'm sorry, I really am. It's wrong in every way, but I can't really stop it.”

Jaune just sat there… dead silent. She just took an extra sip of water and then looked down at the table. She knew it… But now it was confirmed right in front of her. And she didn't know what to say. She felt terrible, Lila genuinely loved her. She knew that, but she was already taken.

“I don't know what to say,” Jaune said weakly. “How unfortunate,”

She didn't even respond any further as she heard Lila begin to cry. Lila's despair and face were only covered by a couple of her own hands.