Archive of Our Own ^beta

The Doctor pushed open the TARDIS doors and screamed in agony. Jesus, that bitch had done a number on him. It was excruciating. He had done so much for them, hell, he SAVED them from their deaths on Mars. They should be thankful for what he’d done, not trying to kill him. Instead, all Adelaide did was ruin his plans. He was trying to make a better future, and all she’d done was keep things the same. Ungrateful BITCH! His abdomen reared in pain. He stumbled inside and clung to the railing at the entrance. Slowly, he inched his way further and further away from the doors. He snapped his fingers, and the doors slammed shut. He collapsed to the floor. “It hurts too much to stand, argh. I can’t believe this. I survived being shot by a Dalek, only to die here!”

He wallowed in self-pity. He could have done so much more, SO MUCH MORE, but all it took was a highly-charged up gun to take him down. He crawled to the console; every movement felt like being burned alive. He grabbed hold of the dematerialisation lever and slammed it down. The TARDIS roared into action, taking the Doctor away from Earth and into space. He tried to pull himself up but fell down onto the console. Even more pain, that’s just great.

He took hold of the beige casing on the console and pulled hard, harder than he’d ever pulled in his life. “Up, up, up, and there we go.”

He pulled off his coat and threw it onto the seats. He held onto the TARDIS tightly, hoping it would keep him up. He screamed, “How could you do this to ME! I’m IMPORTANT! I’ve saved planets, whole races. I’ve DESTROYED races!” His side once again seared in pain; his entire body felt like it was on fire. “I could have done so much, but this is where I meet my end! Unbelievable.”

He felt a familiar stinging sensation all across his body, like the prick of a needle. He knew what it was, but he wasn’t ready. He didn’t want it! He wanted to stay like this, in this body! Why did HE need to change? He was already perfect as is. He looked down at his hands and there was the unmistakable amber glow. He shook his head. “Why now? Why can’t it be after I’ve finished! I don’t want to give up this body! I don’t want to go… I’ve never wanted to go!”

The pain numbed ever so slightly, and he pulled himself off of the console, standing on his own. He looked around the TARDIS. There had been so many memories made with this body, great ones mostly, but also painful ones. They all flashed in his head: Rose’s death… poor, poor Rose, Martha’s sacrifice, wiping Donna’s memory, and many, many more. 

He’d manipulated his friends, used them for his own delusional schemes against greater evil in the universe, and what had that brought him? Nothing but death and destruction. It was wrong, and he knew it. It felt like the negative greatly outweighed any positives that had happened in this incarnation. His whole body began to glow. The end was just around the corner. 

He had so many thoughts racing through his mind. All the people he met, all the things he’d done, all the worlds he’d saved, but all the pain he’d caused. Was he even a good man? An image flashed in his head. A dark, thin man adorn in black Gallifreyan robes. No, it couldn’t be… the Valeyard? He couldn’t be turning into him, but he might be. The Doctor had done more than interfere recently. He’d changed the whole fates of worlds, he’d taken peoples’ lives by manipulating them into doing it, and he’d wiped out the Daleks, committed genocide without a second thought. He’d gotten clever, and what had it done to him? What had it done to the world! All it had done was cause pain. 

He looked down at his hands. The regeneration energy had grown stronger and lengthened to nearly reach the floor; it was almost time. He thought of all of his regrets, his failures, and his mind couldn’t stop ruminating on one thing: Rose Tyler. She was so full of life, so young, and yet so naive. He muttered, “If only I could’ve saved her, she didn’t deserve to die so young.” He looked up and smiled, tearfully. She was so beautiful. He told her she wouldn’t die while travelling with him, but that was exactly what happened. 

Rose clung to the power level. She could tell the Doctor was upset, but she had to. If she hadn’t let go and pushed the lever back on, then the Daleks and Cybermen wouldn’t get taken off of the Earth. The white abyss of nothing threatening to pull her in, away from the Doctor. It was like a gigantic vacuum, sucking in everything it could. Her grip began to slowly slip away. “No! Not like this!” She thought, “I don’t want to leave the Doctor! Not yet!”

She looked up and noticed a few more Daleks being sucked in. “If I can hold on just a bit longer, it’ll all be okay. I’ll still get to stay with the Doctor!” She thought. Then, as she tried to tighten her grip, one last Dalek flew on by. It seemed like it would be okay, like she’d get to stay with the Doctor forever, but the creature screamed, “EXTERMINATE!”

Rose’s body was engulfed with a white glow that showed her skeleton. She screamed in anguish. The Doctor whipped out his Sonic and buzzed it at the creature, screaming while he did it. It exploded as it flew into the void. Then, the wall sealed shut, and Rose laid on the ground, shaking. He ran over to her and picked her up in his arms. 

“Rose, you’ll be okay! I’ll-I, I’ll figure something out, just PLEASE, hold on a little longer,” he pleaded, hoping so desperately that she wouldn’t get taken from him, like so many others before her had been. 

He lightly brushed her hair with his fingertips and tears fell down from his face onto hers in rapid succession. It couldn’t happen, not to Rose, not his friend, not his… not her! He rubbed her hand and felt it turn cold. She looked up at him and smiled, the life slowly fading from her body. “Doctor, we were going to go to so many places…”

“We will Rose, I promise! We will! WE WILL!” he yelled with a sob. 

Her eyes flickered and his breathing slowed. With her last breath, she quietly and painfully pushed out, “Doctor… I’m sorry for failing you…”

He grabbed her tight and held onto her, as if it would keep her alive, like it would take away that Dalek. All the life left her body, and he tried to shake her away. He screamed, “Rose! No! PLEASE! ROSE! DON’T LEAVE ME! Please, please… ju-just don’t die on me.”

He hugged her lifeless body tightly and just wailed into it. He promised her it wouldn’t happen, he promised .

The flames grew stronger and stronger until he couldn’t hold it any longer. All the fire and rage, all that pain, it built up inside him. He was ready to release, ready to end this life. He’d lived too long, and Rose hadn’t lived long enough. As his breath hurried and the flames intensified and grew hotter, and the Doctor sobbed. “Rose, help me… please…” He whispered to the empty, cold TARDIS. He wanted to go back and change things, to save his friends, but he couldn't; he'd grown bitter and wrong. He looked at his hands; they were blazing. It was the end. He closed his eyes and said, full of regret and tears, “I’m sorry, Rose Tyler, for failing you. I hope you’ll find happiness one day.”

The flames exploded, unleashing onto the TARDIS. The TARDIS windows exploded, one of the columns collapsed, and sparks flew out of the console. Fire spread throughout the room as the Doctor’s body unleashed intense energy and fire out on the TARDIS. Change was coming. It was going to be all so different. Every cell was dying and being rewritten, and it was excruciatingly painful like always, but this regeneration was especially painful. So much loss, so much regret. Rose… Rose… Rose…

The fires raged in the TARDIS and an explosion bellowed out from the console. The Cloister Bells rang, and the TARDIS fell back to Earth in a fiery spin. The Doctor’s body started changing. It became thinner and smaller. His whole body shifted and morphed. His hair grew longer, much longer. Until it all came to a stop with a loud, painful scream. “AHHHHH!”

The Doctor looked around; the TARDIS was in complete disarray. Explosions, sparks, fire, everything! He checked his hands, legs, and arms. “Good, I’ve still got all the limbs, that’s good.” He ran his arms along the side of his body and paused. It was curvier? That hadn’t happened before. He’d never had curves. His arms bumped his chest, and, oh, that too was different. Much bigger than before. He, or she?, would have to get used to that. “Now, let’s try to get a closer look at the face.” The Doctor ran over to the TARDIS monitor and looked at the reflection. He stopped and paused. He blinked, just to see if his eyes were playing tricks on him, but they weren’t. It was a woman, and not just any woman; she was blonde. Her face was so familiar though, it was right on the tip of his tongue, which was also new and felt a bit weird. No, it was… it was… it was Rose. It was Rose on the monitor in his tattered clothes. It couldn’t be though. Rose died. She died a long time ago on Earth. He touched his face, and the reflection did too. All that hair, the big brown eyes, and the rosy cheeks, it was him. He’d regenerated into a body that looked just like Rose. I’m sorry for failing you…

He- no, she, she’d have to work on remembering to change the pronouns, and touched her hair. It was so much longer, so blonde. She hadn’t been blonde in a very long time, not since Mr. Celery. Would she like celery? What food would she like? Chips! Rose always liked those. Maybe, she would too. She brushed away thoughts of food and continued on with her thorough examination. Her body was so different. Good different, though. Her suit was much too big on her now, especially in the arms and hands, and it was tight in the more curvier areas. “I’ve never been a woman before,” she said as she put her hand to her mouth, “I sound like her too! Wow, that’s interesting. New changes, new me.”

She looked at the TARDIS monitor more intensely now. “So, old girl, what’s going on? Where are we going?” In Gallifreyan, a crash warning popped up. They were hurtling down to the Earth. The whole TARDIS shook and spun back and forth.“We’re crashing! I wonder where we’ll go!” Wow, she hadn’t had this much energy in a very long time. She cackled. The speed intensified, and the newly regenerated Doctor brushed a few whisps of hair out of her face and smiled brightly. 

“Earth, here I come!”