Archive of Our Own ^beta

three days.

it had been three days since cater last left his room.

three days since he had last changed his clothes.

three days since he had taken his last taken a shower.

three days since he had last talked to someone who wasn’t him.

three days since he had started this whole spiral.

(great seven he was tired..)

the only light in the room came from the faint glow of his phone screen displaying his magicam feed to him.

(how long had he been scrolling on magicam again?..)

cater was pretty sure he was 5 seconds of magicam doomscrolling away from going insane.

he stared down at the almost empty bag of ultra spicy chips he had gotten a clone of his to buy for him earlier that day, grabbing one of them out the bag and taking a bite. the burning sensation he’d usually get from eating this flavor of chips felt numb on his tongue.

actually now that he thought about it, everything felt numb.

oh well, probably a side effect of using split card for such a long period of time.

what? did you expect him to stay inside his room for three days straight without coming up with a way for people to think he wasn’t spiraling? it was only natural that he sent out a clone to stand in for him!

(why was he monologuing as if someone was listening? was this a side effect of talking into a camera for so long?) 

he probably wouldn’t overblot though. or more like he wouldn’t let himself overblot, that’d be embarrassing as all hell.

cay-cay’s gotta stay on brand as the happy go lucky one! he wouldn’t let anyone see him like this!

he couldn’t let anyone see him like this.

cater took another bite of his chip, turning around in bed so he could plug in his charger seeing as his phone was on 13%.

ah right.. his phone.

his only escape from the world, yet the source of most of his self destruction.

maybe he should delete all his social media accounts…

no, he’d probably just redownload them after a few minutes.

maybe he could vague post about his mental state on his private story..

no, just because it was his private story doesn’t mean that people can’t see it and be concerned for him.

(why was it a bad thing for someone to be concerned about him? when did it become a bad thing?)

..sometimes cater felt like there were eyes in the walls, like something was constantly watching him, judging him for even the tiniest of things. he hated it. he hated how it made him feel, even if those eyes weren’t real. it made him want to claw his skin off.

he let out a short yawn, using his free hand to scratch his neck. how long had he been awake for? he couldn’t tell. was he ever gonna leave his room unless someone interfered? probably not.

at least he could spiral in peace…

.

.

.

.

.

.

what cater failed to notice was the sound of the door to his room opening and closing, a certain green haired male walking into the room and over to the bed.

cater felt his shoulder being tapped, slowly looking up from his phone screen and staring at whoever it was that stopped his doomscrolling.

“so this is where you’ve been all day... you know this isn’t healthy, cater..” it was trey, his voice coming out smooth with a hint of concern.

cater blinked a couple of times, trying to adjust his eyes to the darkness that was his room without the light of his phone screen. he managed to mumble a quick “i know.” before wanting the ground to swallow him whole.

of course it had to be trey that found him. of course it has to be trey that saw him in a state like this.

cater felt the weight of the bed shift as trey slowly got onto the bed and layed down beside him, putting his arms around cater’s waist and spooning him from behind. cater immediately relaxed into trey’s hold on him, finally putting his phone down.

trey leaned his head down on cater’s shoulder, doing his best to make sure cater was comfortable. “do you wanna talk about it?” he asked gently.

“..not really…” came cater’s reply.

“do you just wanna lay here?”

“…that’d be nice.”

“then we’ll just lay here.”

for once, cater didn’t feel the need to hide away, instead he felt like he could just be open to the world, be open to trey.

“..would you still love me if i was a worm?…” he asked hesitantly.

trey chuckled, gently kissing the side of cater’s head.

“of course i would. i’d love you no matter what.”