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Riya straightens up in her seat as the spotlight moves to her. She smiles and waves, listening to the sounds of applause and whistles from the crowd.
“And our last nominee for Best Female Antagonist is Riya Sharma!” There’s another round of applause, and everyone turns to look right at her.
She’s at an awards show, sitting at one of those big round tables with a white cloth on it. As a young girl she always imagined being here, as she watched the few American channels that they got on their television back home. Watching all the finely dressed actors, directors and staff sitting next to each other and learning about them was often the highlight of her year when it happened, and now she was here. It was astounding how far she had come.
She waves to the crowd, smiling for the cameras. She knew she was going to be nominated ahead of time, but it’s still a massive confidence boost for her.
The director of her latest film is also looking upon her with pride, tears in his eyes. She can hear her co-star from a table behind her. And finally, the most prominent voice of all, Connor, her boyfriend.
He’s sitting in the audience portion of the room, all the way in the back, but he’s still ridiculously loud, whooping her name and cheering for her. She takes a moment to look at him as the spotlight pulls away. Connor is standing up, practically screaming. He’s being sort of obnoxious, but it makes Riya’s heart swell, knowing that someone loves her so intensely.
The spotlight suddenly reappears on her, as it also does for the other three nominees. She doesn’t know any of them particularly well, but she is familiar with their work. The other women are also very excited to be there, and the crowd roars once again.
The guy hosting the award show repeats their names. On stage he adjusts the microphone and begins to open a golden envelope.
“And the winner is…” he straightens out his tie and pulls out the paper within the envelope. The big screen behind him shows all four nominee’s faces, wide and attentive. Everyone waits with bated breaths. Riya clutches her hands together.
“Annabel Green!” He says; Riya feels her heart sink, deep down into her chest.
The whole room explodes with applause, practically shaking from the force of it. Annabel bursts up from her seat, squealing with excitement and crying tears of joy. She bends down to hug her neighbors, then trots over to the stage. She has fair skin, and beautiful, blonde hair with green eyes. Her role in the movie she was in was extraordinary; Riya was taken away into the world of the film just by her performance. The movie was a several year long project too. By all means, out of everyone here, Annabel deserved the award most of all.
Then why was Riya so angry at her? Why did she feel so robbed?
The show ends fairly quickly after that. The whole time, Riya wears a smile and good attitude. The whole time the shame eats away at her heart.
There is an after party, so Riya must put on the fake face for a little longer. Connor is at her side the whole time they’re there, talking about how proud he is of her. Many other people approach her at the party and say the same thing. Even Anabel herself comes up to congratulate her.
“I was so certain that you were going to win!” She says, putting her hand on Riya’s shoulder. “You deserved it way more than I did.”
Riya knows she’s lying, but she plays along anyways. She would say the same to the others if she had won as well.
If she had won.
Connor seems to notice that she’s off when they’re at the party. He sticks loyally by her side, refusing to leave her even to grab a drink. He was always observant like that.
Connor is the only person she can tolerate at the party. Talking to anyone else feels horribly suffocating, like they’re closing in on her, mocking her failure.
She escapes the party as early as it is socially acceptable. Giving a half hearted goodbye, she pulls Connor along with her and they swiftly head back to their hotel room.
It’s about a ten minute walk, with an extra minute in the elevator, but they say nothing the whole way there. Riya mostly stares at her feet blankly.
When they get into the suite, it’s like they had left it. Their bags are on the floor, and various items lay on the nightstand.
Riya silently goes to sit down on the bed, facing towards the window.
“Riya, dear?” Connor approaches her gently, rubbing her shoulders as he sits by her on the bed. Riya is unresponsive at first. Then she starts to tremble a bit.
“I… I…” She clenches her fist so tightly that it leaves crescent marks in her palms. “I need to be alone for a bit, Connor.”
“Are you sure?” He says.
Riya nods. “Please.”
“Alright then.” There are the sounds of shuffling, and then a door opens and closes.
Riya is left in the room, all alone.
As she sits there in the darkness, she wonders what she could have done wrong. She had worked so hard on this role, had rehearsed for hours and hours, even when not in the studio. Being a villainess wasn’t in her ‘nature’ or whatever others chose to say about her. It was a learned act; as an actress she had to work hard to make sure she understood the character properly to portray them. Was that work all for nothing?
Obviously not, seeing as the movie had won several awards and she was nominated for this one. But she still felt a sense of loss, as if the last puzzle piece for it all had gone missing. She remembers learning that she had been nominated, the exact day and moment.
“Connor, Connor!” She ran into the living room of their home, almost slipping from how quickly she ran. “You won’t believe it- I got nominated for an award! A big one, too!”
Connor bursts up from where he’s watching television on the couch. “That’s amazing, Riya!”
“The show is in a couple of months. I’m so excited!” Riya squeals with delight and jumps into his arms, squeezing him tight. Connor hugs her back in response.
“I told you you were great,” he laughs. “You should have never doubted yourself.”
Riya smiles at the memory. Connor had told her that her role was amazing, and that an award was coming her way. She had never believed him, though she did wish for one.
But he was technically wrong. She hadn’t won the award. Sure she was nominated, but what did that matter if she didn’t win? Wasn’t winning what it was about? What else was there?
Connor said she had worked hard. But did that matter?
Connor had been sitting with her while she rehearsed her lines for the past hour or so. It was late into the night, just about to hit morning, yet he sat across from her without complaint.
“Oh but Miss Joanne,” Riya said. “I know exactly what your son needs to be happy?”
“How can you be sure?” Connor says in a dramatic female voice. It sends Riya into a fit of giggles.
“Okay, you don’t need to put on the voice.”
“It’s helping you stay in character!”
“It’s breaking my concentration!”
Connor gave her a blank stare. Riya sighed, and put her script to the side.
“I’m sorry Connor. I’m just so stressed about this. What if they decided they don’t want me to play this role anymore?”
“Then they’d be missing out.” Connor moved to sit next to her instead. “Listen, I may not know much about acting, but I do know one thing- like any skill, it’s more about dedication than perfection. You really love this role, right?”
Riya nodded.
“Then that’s half the journey, isn’t it? Acting is an art form; you can’t expect to follow a specific set of rules and get the best result, you have to actually try. And you’re trying!”
“I don’t know. I mean, there is a way to do it perfectly. To get the best results.”
“Sure, maybe there is. But no one can ever get something perfectly. And in movies, there are so many different ways to do things.” Connor reached over and grabbed her hands. Riya smiles and clutches them tight. “Think about your audition. How many other people were there?”
“A lot.” She said, blushing. She thought she knew where Connor was going with this.
“And who did they pick?”
She giggles. “Me.”
“Exactly! They want what you can do- the whole ‘Riya Special’!” Connor leaned in and pressed a ticklish kiss to the side of her face. “And who wouldn’t?”
Now Riya was laughing. “Connor, stop!”
“You know it’s the truth!” Connor did an overexaggerated eye roll. “But if you’re going to keep being stubborn, we’re gonna have to do this again. Man, we have this conversation a lot.”
“What can I say? Maybe I like it when you flatter me.” Riya teased, leaning in for a kiss. “Thank you, Connor.”
Connor smiled against her lips. “Anything for you.”
Riya buries her face into her palms. God, she felt like an idiot. Connor always did the most for her, and all she ever did was push him away and hurt him. Maybe she didn’t win the award for the same reason that Connor was always getting hurt- she wasn’t good enough.
Suddenly her phone buzzes. She picks it up to see a message from one of her co-stars, asking why she had left the party so soon. As she swipes it away to ignore it, she spots her phone screen.
It’s her and Connor, on the night of the premiere, smiling at the camera and embracing each other. The movie had been about to start, and Riya had been busy beforehand with an interview. So they decided to meet each other there.
Riya ran down the hall in her heels, carefully lifting up her long dress as she did. It was red and strapless at the top, but it faded into a beautiful yellow. To top it off, there was a slit in the leg and sequins carefully blended into the fabric. She tries to go carefully, so as not to ruin her carefully curled hair, but she just can’t help but try and be quick. She wanted to see this movie for the first time with Connor, the man she loved.
She rounded the corner and he was there, speaking with some of the other cast’s family. He was in a black tux, and his hair was carefully slicked back.
Suddenly he turned towards her, and his eyes widened.
“Connor!” Riya said, slowing to a stop. “Good, you’re here!”
“Riya!” He said, holding out his hands for her to take. She grasped on tightly. “You– you’re-”
“Interview took a bit longer than expected.” Riya said. “How was your day?”
Connor opened his mouth, then stopped. Suddenly, he began to cry. Riya’s eyes widened.
“Oh my god, are you okay? Connor?” Riya grabbed his face and pulled him towards her.
Connor shakily nodded. “I am- it’s just- I missed you, and you’re so beautiful, and I’m so happy to be here.”
Riya felt her heart swell with joy. “Hey, it’s okay.” She pulled him down to press their foreheads together. “I’m so happy to be here with you too.” She teared up a bit as well, moved by his affection towards her.
Connor smiled. “I’m so lucky to have you.”
Riya feels even worse looking at the photo.
She had thought that she wanted to be alone, that letting Connor see her in her misery was embarrassing. But they had been through so much together; Connor had always encouraged her, always told her that she was important and amazing.
She had pushed him away because she was scared to fail, scared to let herself show her sadness. But Connor had been there through all the good, and he had helped her when it got hard.
Riya thought she was dragging him down. But if Connor believed in her, than she should believe in herself as well.
Now the thought of the prize was secondary. She had the only prize she could ever want, the only person to her that mattered more than anything else.
Riya didn’t know if she was worthy of Connor. But what she did know was that she loved him and he loved her; that meant that there was something worth keeping. She wanted to be with him forever, she knew that. But she had to be vulnerable, to let him in, to let them be together through good and bad.
She bursts up from the bed. She needed to go find him, and apologize instantly. As much as not winning hurt, not having him with her hurt even more. She would head down to the hotel lobby and search for him there; he couldn’t have made it far without their car with them. Riya grabs her phone and purse and marches towards the door, not caring that she’s still in heels and dress. She grabs the handle and thinks about finding Connor.
But just as she pushes the door open, Connor pulls it, sending him stumbling back. He’s holding something, but luckily he manages to keep hold of what he has.
“Riya!” He says. The joy on his face is obvious, his features practically lit up. “Feeling better?”
“Yeah, I calmed down a bit…” She trails off as she looks him over. Connor’s completely drenched. She hadn’t noticed it at first because he was so wet that his clothes were completely covered, but now it was obvious. His glasses had drops running down them, and his hair was sticking to his forehead. “Did you go outside?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“For how long?”
Connor raises the bags in his hand. From the smell, they’re full of food.
“I went to go get you that food you liked from the last time we were here. You know, for your initial audition? The Mediterranean place.”
Riya remembers. After her audition for the role of the villainess, which had gone really well, Riya had taken them to a restaurant that she heard was really good. It wasn’t just really good, it was amazing. Everything tasted so good, that Riya actually ordered a second serving to have later. Apparently, from when that had happened a year ago, Connor had not only remembered the place, but he had figured out how to get there on foot and gone in the rain. Just for her.
Riya rushes forward and hugs him tightly, all the tears she had thought were gone bursting out again. Connor seems surprised, but he wraps his arms around her the best he can.
“It’s okay, my dear,” He whispers into her ear. The bags of food hit her back as he settles his arms around her waist, but she could care less. “I’m here for you.”
“I love you so much, you know that, right?” Riya whimpers. She buries her face into his shirt, making it wetter than it already was. “You’re my rock.”
“I love you too, Riya.” Connor presses a kiss to the top of her head. “You’re amazing. I know you’re upset about the loss, but you did so well in this role. I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you Connor.” Riya pulls back and wipes her eyes. “I’m sorry I was so… upset. I was just scared to let you see me like this. I felt like a failure. But I realized that you love me, and that I love you. So I want you here with me, okay?”
Connor starts to tear up himself. “Of course Riya. I’ll always be here.” He pulls her back into another tight hug. “Now let’s eat, shall we? Before the food gets cold.”
Riya nods against his chest. “I’d love that.”
They sit down and enjoy their meal, side by side on the hotel bed. It’s a bit messy, and the whole room smells like food by the time they’re done. But it’s possibly the happiest that Riya’s been all day. And when they clean up and tuck into bed, she remembers some of the best moments of her life, and how she’s always spent them with him.
Connor’s asleep quickly, exhausted by the day’s activities. Riya traces the outline of his face in bed, happy she gets to spend every moment with this man, and planning for many more.