Chapter Text
Suho feels ridiculous for attending. Seriously, why did he even think that it would be a good idea?
Sure he loves Jukyung enough--he always will--and sure, Sujin is also a dear friend to him but to attend their wedding when it's only been a year since Suho and Jukyung broke up their almost five-year relationship? It feels like a fever dream.
It's not that he doesn't approve of them. He's the one who said it's alright for them to break up because Jukyung was feeling conflicted. He was the one who pushed Jukyung to go for it after she admitted it to him.
The night they broke up was one of the longest nights of Suho’s life. It took him almost two months to muster up the courage to have that talk with Jukyung. He noticed how distant she became and how things have changed between them. Despite his denial, he knew that letting her go would be for the best.
They both cried that night with Jukyung crying a lot harder as she repeatedly apologized to him. He told her it's alright and thanked her for loving him all these years.
Getting over Jukyung is the hardest thing for him to do. She is his first love. She’s his anchor, his source of strength.
Finding out that they're getting married so quickly felt like a punch in the gut for him. “If you're sure, why wait?” Sujin said during their celebration for their engagement.
Suho must have missed the right timing. He should have been braver. It's too late for him to dwell on it though. He can see how happy Jukyung is. He can see the look of love she is giving Sujin now. He knows because that's how she used to look at him.
It felt like he’s on autopilot throughout the whole ceremony. He can tell that their schoolmates and even Jukyung's family are all walking on eggshells around him. Perhaps he shouldn't have come despite receiving the invitation but missing out on one of the most important moments of Jukyung's life is something he doesn't want to do. He supposes that he will need the closure too.
“Suho, aren't you going to join us?” Suho looks up and sees Taehoon and Suah.
The program has ended and most of the guests are starting to leave. However, there's still an after-party for the close friends and family.
“I…” He contemplates whether he should stay or not. The last thing he wants is to continue to make things awkward for everyone.
“Don't tell me that you're leaving so soon,” Jukyung suddenly approaches him with a pout on her lips. “Come on, you should loosen up.” She grabs him by the arm and pulls him up from his seat.
As the loud music plays and as he hears Jukyung's laughter, he starts to feel at ease as well.
“Hey,” Jukyung gives him a pat on the shoulder and makes a gesture for him to lower his head. “Thank you for coming, it really means a lot.” She says with a smile.
Suho smiles. “Of course, congratulations.”
He let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding when Jukyung suddenly hugged him. His eyes meet Sujin’s and she too smiles at him and mouths ‘thank you’.
More drinks are served afterwards and Suho helps himself to a few drinks. He has lost count on how many cocktails he had when his glass is suddenly taken away from him.
“Do you plan to get wasted here? Are you an idiot?” The intruder says with a scoff.
Suho squints to make sure that he isn't seeing things. “Seojun? I thought you had a music video shoot today?”
“I finished early so that I can at least catch up here.” Seojun answers. “I didn't want to miss Jukyung’s special day.”
Suho chuckles bitterly. The alcohol in his system isn't helping. “You and me both.”
“Unlike you, I had a longer time to move on. It's easy for me now that I’m totally over her.” Seojun downs his drink. “Can't say the same for you.”
Suho glares at him for both the statement and for stealing his drink. He walks over to the mini cocktail bar that's rented when Seojun grabs him by the arm to stop him.
“Please just let me be,” he says with a groan.
“If you want to get even more drunk, then don't do it here.” Seojun says. “You wouldn't want to do something stupid at your ex’s wedding.”
Suho hates that Seojun of all people is talking some sense into him.
“Come on, let's get you out of here. You’ve stayed long enough anyway.”
“But you just got here,”
“It’s fine. I already told the ladies my greetings and sent my gift.” Seojun insists.
With that, they sneakily leave the venue. The only ones who see them leaving are Goeun and Juyoung.
“Hey, what are you two doing all alone here?” Seojun asks.
“Nothing for you to worry about, hyung. Don't worry, I promise to take care of Goeun tonight, hyung.” Juyoung lilts.
Seojun rolls his eyes at the younger. He's gotten so insufferable ever since he got over his fear of Seojun potentially beating him up and that's all because his tasteless sister decided to date him.
“How about you two, where are you going? The party isn't over yet.” Goeun asks.
Seojun simply glances at Suho who’s currently zoned out right next to him. He’s not yet drunk drunk but he’s one or two drinks away from making a fool of himself.
Goeun nods in understanding while Juyoung couldn't help but grimace. “I can't imagine how Suho hyung feels.” he says.
“Me? I’m fine.” Suho suddenly chimes in.
Seojun bumps his shoulder to get him to shut up as he books a driver. “Shouldn’t you call your manager instead of a driver? What if the driver recognizes you?” Goeun asks.
“I’m sure a middle-aged man wouldn’t recognize me. Besides, it’s not like I’m with a woman so there’s no need to make a fuss.” Seojun says with a scoff.
Goeun’s gaze follows Suho’s who’s currently looking back inside the venue. “I guess it's best to get Suho oppa out of here.” She says in understanding. “Be safe, okay?”
“I will,” Seojun says. “Go back inside, it's getting cold here.” He tells them.
They bid their goodbyes afterward. The driver arrives not long after.
“Where are we going?” Suho asks with a yawn.
“My place,”
“Boo, you're supposed to let me drink myself to death instead of boring me to death.” He deadpans.
“I have plenty of alcohol in there,” Seojun retorts. “I don't want to go through the trouble of dragging you to your place.”
That gets Suho to shut up. As long as there's more alcohol, it's all good.
The cool night breeze helps Suho sober up and clear his thoughts. He feels so foolish and pathetic for even attempting to get wasted at his ex’s wedding. Sure he’s heartbroken but he’s not one to make impulsive and stupid decisions.
The ride to Seojun’s place is spent in silence with Suho spacing out as he looks outside the window while Seojun uses his phone to send several messages. Suho doesn’t bother to ask if it’s for work or if he’s messaging some of the friends they were with at the wedding.
It’s been a while since Suho visited Seojun’s place, it’s usually the other way around for them. Not a lot has changed aside from the new plaques and trophies added to his shelf. Suho smiles fondly, Seojun has grown so much as an artist.
“You know, the plaques should be yours. They’re your compositions.” Seojun says when he notices him looking.
Suho shakes his head. “They wouldn’t have even been released without you. They’re yours.”
“My shelf is starting to get full though,” Seojun jokingly says with a scoff.
“Bring them to the company then,” Suho banters as he rolls his eyes.
He turns around when he hears the sound of bottles. Seojun places the soju and beer bottles on the counter and gestures for him to take a seat.
“What? In a hurry to get me wasted?” Suho asks as he takes his seat.
“The sooner you get drunk, the sooner I get to sleep, though, with your tolerance, I’m sure it won't take long.” Seojun taunts.
Suho resists the urge to make a face at him before pouring himself a glass and drinking it in one go. He pours another, then another. Seojun watches him in silence as he takes his time drinking from his own glass.
“Why did you attend the wedding?” Seojun suddenly asks.
Suho sighs, he's been mentally preparing himself for these types of questions all night. “Why wouldn't I? It's Jukyung.”
“Even so,” Seojun argues. “Why attend if you're this hurt?”
“You were hurting too when Jukyung and I were dating.” Suho looks down at the counter. “But that didn't stop you from being there for both of us. It's the same reason, I guess.”
“My love was unrequited, yours isn't-- wasn’t . The real question is, how will you move on?”
Suho looks at his friend. He feels so suffocated. He's been bottling everything up for so long, he feels like he’s about to explode.
“I’m trying,” his voice is shaky. “Work, games, heck I even signed up to get my doctorate degree. It's just hard,” he laughs bitterly.
Seojun gives him an apologetic glance, which makes him feel even more pathetic.
“I don't need pity, I need a distraction. A better coping mechanism. Anything.” He says, voice getting uncharacteristically louder due to the alcohol.
“Have you tried meeting new people? Dating? Perhaps even hook-ups.” Seojun suggests.
Suho turns away. “You know I’m not one to do that,”
“So am I, but maybe it’s time for you to try something new. If you don’t want to then that’s alright as well. Maybe you’re not that desperate to move on after all. Maybe you like feeling miserable.”
“You make it sound like I’m a masochist,” Suho grumbles as he finishes his bottle. Seojun slides him a newly opened one.
“You attended your ex’s wedding despite not being able to move on from your breakup, you’re basically screaming it to the world.” Seojun says matter-of-factly. Suho juts his lips out before taking another shot. His cheeks are flushed again and his eyes are getting droopy. “You’re close to your limit, that’s your last.” Seojun scolds.
“Reaching my limit is the goal,” He brushes him off.
“And what happens after? That's not going to solve your problem, is it?”
Suho slams his shot glass against the counter to give him a half-hearted glare. “Nothing is going to solve my problem at the moment.” He admits as his eyes start to get teary. “It's either I cry it out or I make myself numb. I prefer the latter, I’m sure you’d rather deal with that too.”
Seojun shakes his head. “It's okay to cry. Numbing yourself out might feel good today but not for the next few days.”
“Did you cry?” Suho asks. “You know, when Jukyung and I…”
“I only cried when it really dawned on me that I never stood a chance,” he chuckles at the thought.
“How did you move on?”
“Like I said a while ago, dating or hook-ups, and eventually I got so busy with work as well, so being busy kept me distracted until it just doesn't hurt anymore.” He says with a shrug. “And also, as lame as it sounds, I care about your happiness too so that was a big factor as well.”
“I care about Jukyung's happiness…” Suho mulls over. The rest of Seojun’s words suddenly sink in right after. “Wait, you tried hooking up?”
Seojun shrugs. “It's a good distraction. Helps me get rid of my stress too,”
“With whom?”
“Different people, some from dating apps or some fellow trainees at the time. I’m a lot more careful now though so I rarely do it. It will be easier for you since you're not a public figure.”
Suho couldn't believe what he's hearing. It's definitely something he didn't expect from Seojun.
“Does that sound so unbelievable to you?” Seojun chuckles in amusement when he stays mum for too long.
“It shouldn't be, you're a grown man with needs.” Suho replies. “But… I just thought that you’d be a hopeless romantic type because of…” he trails off.
“Don't get it wrong, I don't mix any romantic feelings—they’re hook-ups for a reason.”
“I don't think it's for me though,” Suho says. “I don't really think I can be with another woman that isn't… her,”
“Then how about a man?”
Suho nearly spat out his drink. He is about to compliment Seojun for the successful joke when he realizes that he’s being serious.
Suho gulps. “Have you?”
Seojun shrugs nonchalantly. “A couple of times, especially during my first year as an idol. It’s when I realized I’m bi,”
Suho slowly nods, still taken aback by the sudden revelation.
If Suho had a nickel for every time someone close to him came out as bisexual, he'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice.
“What?” Seojun bites back a scoff. “Are you feeling conscious so suddenly?”
Suho shakes his head. “Not at all, I’m just genuinely surprised. Shouldn't you be more careful though?”
“Yeah, that's why it involves NDAs sometimes nowadays.” He says with a laugh.
“How is it though? Being with men, I mean.” Suho asks.
“Well it gets the job done if that's what you're curious about.” Seojun answers. “Whether it's for releasing pent up stress or just fucking for the sake of it.”
“Or to distract yourself to move on,” he adds.
Seojun shoots him an unreadable look. “Yeah, that too,”
Suho takes another drink but Seojun doesn't stop him this time. He can feel the other’s eyes on him.
“Do you think it would work for me?”
From his peripheral vision, he can see how Seojun’s grip on the edge of the counter tightens. “It's a big change but perhaps that's exactly what you need now—you suck at meeting new people though,” he adds the last part as a joke.
Suho purses his lips. He can once again feel the alcohol in his system—or maybe he’s just looking for an excuse for whatever he is about to say next.
“Will you help me?”
Seojun looks taken aback. “Help you in looking for someone to hook-up with?”
Suho resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Help me. Distract me . Now .” He emphasizes.
Now it's Seojun’s turn to look baffled. “You–you don't know what you're talking about,”
“You said it gets the job done,”
“Suho, you're drunk and you’re heartbroken. You might be saying things you don't mean.” His friend scolds.
“But I do mean it,” Suho says, sounding frustrated. “Just… please, just for tonight. I don't want to think, I don't want to keep thinking about her.”
Seojun stands up and paces around his kitchen. A few minutes pass by just like that and when Seojun still doesn't respond, he takes it as an answer.
Suho silently finishes his drink before standing up. “I should go,” he turns around. “Thank you and sorry for tonight.” He says before making his way towards the door.
He's in the midst of putting on his shoes when he’s suddenly forcefully turned around and pressed against the door. His breath hitches when he realizes how close Seojun is.
His friend's gaze is serious, his brows are furrowed and his jaw clenched. “Are you really sure about what you asked earlier?”
Suho’s eyes widened in surprise. He clears his throat before answering, “Yes, I’m sure.”
Seojun’s grip on his shoulder tightens. He can practically hear the cogs in his brain working. “I need you to say it, just to make sure that you really mean it.”
“Have sex with me, I mean it.” he says. “Help me clear out my thoughts tonight, do whatever you want to me–as long as it makes me stop overthinking,”
Seojun takes a deep breath. “Once I bring you to my bedroom, there's no backing out. Okay?”
Suho clenches his fists to hide the fact that they're shaking from the sudden anxiety he’s feeling. He knows he’s making a stupid decision. He knows he's being reckless and he knows that there will be future repercussions in his friendship with Seojun after this but he wants to be selfish for now.
“Lead the way,” he says.