Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The fact that Louis has a debilitating crush on his best friend is no secret. It’s not something anyone ever really acknowledges and it’s never mentioned, at least not to his face, but Louis knows the lads all know. It’s just one of those things really, like school is monotonous, or that Nick and Louis are on any given day likely to kill each other, that Liam isn’t actually as responsible as teachers think and it’s really Zayn that keeps them all in line. Louis fancies Harry, it’s just another one of those facts pertaining to their average lives in their average town.

Louis thinks Harry knows as well, he’d have to be blind not to see it, but he doesn’t know for sure. He’d rather not know because even as unlikely as it is considering how well Harry can read him, he’d like to at least pretend he doesn’t make a fool out of himself every time he’s in the general vicinity of his best friend.

Still despite this one small bump Louis’ life is pretty great. His parents are great, he’s close with his mum, he adores his sisters and they adore him in return. His group of friends are supportive and solid without being overly sentimental about it (even if Nick seems to wake up some mornings and makes it his mission to be the biggest prick on this side of the universe)

Really Louis would say he’s blessed

Then Harry gets a girlfriend, and it’s not like everything goes to shit or anything.

Except it does.

--

They’re all sitting at their regular lunch table when Louis gets there. Nick and Harry are waffling on about some pretentious quasi-hipster drivel. Liam and Stan are playing some sort of game with their food that Louis’ probably doesn’t want to know about and Zayn is watching him, eyebrow cocked.

“Miss me love?” Louis teases when he catches Zayn's eye, dropping a kiss onto his cheek before sinking into the seat between him and Harry.

“Never.” Zayn sniffs haughtily.

Harry cuts off his conversation with Nick mid sentence and turns towards Louis, blinding smile plastered on his face, “I missed you.” Louis' heart certainly doesn’t flip like a Jane Austin heroin or something equally as ridiculous but it does make him smile in return.

“I missed you as well darling.” Nick bats his ridiculous eyelashes and clutches at his chest dramatically because of course he has to add his two cents. Louis does not dignify him with a verbal response though he does allow himself an eye roll.

Liam and Stan’s game continues as they ignore the conversation. Louis’ certain they’re not listening because Stan hasn’t joined in on the teasing or dropped a hint about Louis’ crush. It’s Stan’s favourite game and he’s far from subtle.

“Feeling’s not mutual.” Louis’ returns though without any real snark. Contrary to the popular belief around school he actually can stand Nick sometimes (alright almost always).

He’s prepared for the lunch break to continue on in this same manner, like it always does, but then Harry’s glance fixes somewhere over Louis’ shoulder and he grins. Louis’ loves Harry’s grin, it’s one of his numerous favourite things about his best friend. When he turns around to see what Harry’s grinning about though he sees it’s her. For the first time since he's know Harry he has the urge to wipe the grin off his stupid face.

It’s not like Louis’ is naive enough to believe Harry will ever grin at him like he lights up the other boy’s world and he’s okay with that, he’s come to accept it. Really though, is it to much to ask that Harry doesn’t smile at her like that? Like she’s the best thing since sliced bread or vinyl music or whatever it is Harry treasures.

“Sorry lads.” Harry says, standing up and clapping Louis and Nick on the shoulder in the process, “I’m going to have to take my leave. Duty calls.” And then he drops this ridiculous wink. Like the implication wasn’t already clear enough in his words.

Stan and Liam catcall because Harry would be suspicious if they didn’t but there’s no heat behind them. Instead everyone is keeping an eye on Louis, with varying degrees of subtly.

Then Harry’s gone. Left them all. Left him.

Everyone continues to watch Louis’ carefully and though no one shoots him a sympathetic look exactly - they’ve all learnt not to after the first couple of times -  the sentiment is still there and he absolutely hates it. Hates that he’s so transparent that everyone knows, hates that they seem to think he’s glass and breaking over this, or whatever it is they actually think.

It’s not like he’s abandoned them for good or anything and Louis’ certainly doesn’t feel like he has.

Except maybe he does.

--

“Louis is going to crack someday.” Liam tells Zayn matter of factly as the two of them sit at Liam’s kitchen table. Zayn, who had been proof reading Liam’s english essay, puts his pen down for a conversation he knows will require most of his attention.

“He will.” He nods in a agreement, “and it'll probably be someday soon.”

“What can we do?” Liam asks, full of childish naivety, like there’s anything to be done.

“Make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.”

“Is there nothing else?” Liam asks though he really only seems to be going through the motions. Zayn is almost certain Liam has arrived at the same conclusions he has, conclusions that aren't exactly optimistic ones.

Zayn sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, knocking his glasses slightly off centre in the process, “You know there nothing to do as well as I do Li.”

“I wish there was something we could though.” He says quietly, ever the compassionate one. Then the question they’d all been avoiding. Of course Liam was the one to voice it, “How can Harry not know?”

Zayn doesn’t know the answer to that. If Harry knows about Louis’ infatuation then the way he’s been acting is cruel and heartless. Not the dating itself, he’s free to do that as far as Zayn is concerned. Rather the extent to which he talks about her, brags about her even, especially around Louis. Harry is Zayn’s friend though, and he’d like to believe he doesn’t associate with people that are quite so malicious. But to not know Harry would have to be extremely oblivious or socially incompetent and Zayn knows he is neither. It’s exactly why he chooses not to think about it to hard.

Of course he doesn’t voice these thoughts to Liam, not exactly. “He either doesn’t know or doesn’t care.” Zayn finally says, knowing from Liam’s sad smile that they're on the same wavelength, “I know which one I’d prefer to believe.”

He returns his attention to Liam’s essay then and the subject is never brought up again, at least not between them. They both know though Louis is impulsive and loud and commits himself 100% to everything he does, including loving Harry. They also both know Louis will reach the end of his tether.

Hopefully he can hold himself together until the end of the school year Zayn thinks.

Thankfully he does.

--

When Louis arrives on Zayn’s doorstep at nine in the morning on the first day of their summer vacation he knows that someday he was discussing with Liam is today. He doesn’t look broken or defeated or any of those cliche’s he was expecting, but still Zayn knows.

“Harry?” He asks it like a question. There is no question though. Not really.

When Louis opens his mouth, he doesn’t acknowledge the question, instead he simply says “Let’s take a road trip.”

They’re not exactly the words he was waiting to hear, the solution he was expecting Louis to arrive at, but it’s much better than anything he could imagine so Zayn doesn’t hesitate to agree.

He’d follow Louis Tomlinson to the ends of the earth. A roadtrip around Britain is nothing really.

Except it is.

Chapter Text

Even though Louis had arrived at Zayn’s house with his bags already packde and stowed in the boot of the old car he is so fond of it’s a while before they can actually hit the road.

For one thing Zayn has to talk him mum into letting him go. Tricia Malik tends towards a quite relaxed parenting style but even so it takes Zayn a good couple of hours to convince her to let him take off on a spontaneous road trip with no destination in mind and only Louis for company. Of course his mum adores Louis’ (almost everyone does) and probably knows that Louis is hurting, so she eventually relents.

Speaking of mothers, Zayn doesn’t want to think about what Louis must have done to convince Jay to let him come. He’s highly suspicious that he hasn’t actually told her his plans at all, but he’d rather not think of Jay coming home to discover her only son has run off, so he purposefully decides not to ask Louis. He can already see a patern emerging here.

It’s not like he has any time after that to dwell on his fleeting realisation what with between packing a bag (or three), saying a long goodbye to his sisters and actually getting dressed into clothes that are acceptable to leave the house in. It’s not until he’s hugging his family goodbye and stowing his bags that he realises exactly what he’s doing. He’s basically helping Louis run away from Harry. It’s even more startling when he decides he whole heartedly agrees with the solution and thinks it’s the best thing Louis can do. He certainly doesn’t want his friend crashing and burning like his recent trajectory has suggested.

This comprehension comes at the moment his mum wraps Louis in her arms, tells him to “feel better love,” whilst Zayn stands to the side and pretends he’s not hearing, and if that didn’t cement it nothing will.

There’s a flurry of goodbyes, he’s promising his mum that yes he’ll text her everyday and yes he’ll be sensible, and then not even five hours after Louis had showed up they’re on the road and leaving Doncaster behind. They don’t speak until the city is a speck in the car’s mirrors, Louis focusing on driving and Zayn messing around with his phone. He sends Liam a text to let him know what’s happening but begs him not to tell the others. Not to tell Harry.

Zayn would be naive to think Harry wouldn’t figure out that his best friend has fled town, but he’d rather postpone the inevitable as long as possible. He plans to wait until they are far enough from home to really say anything because hopefully distance would lessen the guilt that would surely flare up within Louis soon, or at least make it less likely for him to turn around. Now that it had been planned and put into action Zayn can see how much Louis needed to get away from Harry. He’s always thought those two were slightly too co-dependent and one of them would end up in to deep and hurt. He’d actually always thought it would be Harry but clearly he had been wrong on that count.

It’s 3 in the afternoon when Zayn pockets his phone and turns towards Louis as best he can in the confines of the car. “Do you actually have a destination in mind?” he decides to stick to easy questions for now and save the delicate one for later; preferably when Louis isn’t behind the wheel of the death machine he calls a car.

“It’s a road trip Zaynie.” Louis crows, more cheerful than he’s been in a month. Zayn’s not sure how genuine it is but he’s hopeful, “The whole point is we have no plan. That’s the definition”

“I’m not quite sure that’s the definition.” Zayn points out dryly. He might be biased though because Zayn likes to have at least a vague set of plans for any given situation.

“You need to learn to live a little more.” Which really, the Louis of recent months is certainly one to talk about living. “Good thing I’m doing this for you then.”

Zayn’s not surprised Louis’ isn’t going to voice the reason for the impromptu trip. Not yet at least. He could comment on that, make a sarcastic quip about how Louis’ only doing this from the goodness of his heart or something but he chooses not to. “You have no plan at all?” Zayn prods because he would like to have some idea of what he’s gotten himself into.

“My plan for today is to drive as far as I can.” Louis sighs, which is not good because some of his cheerful disposition disappears along with it, “Get as far away from home as possible.” Zayn feels like pointing out there isn’t that far to go in Britain, not really, but once again he shows restraint. It’s something he knows he’d going to get tired of relatively quickly.

They’re not taking any highways, which means Louis probably just needs to drive. Zayn decides the best thing to do for now is to let Louis start to work everything out of his system. He could do with a nap anyway since he was rudely awoken pretty bloody early on the first day in a long time he had no obligation to be anywhere.

He would insist on a plan or even a vague idea of where they were going this evening. He was pretty sure he could manage the spontaneity of one night.

-

Louis finally stops driving just after seven o’clock, deciding he’s put enough distance between himself and home for one night. Enough distance between him and Harry if he’s being totally totally honest to himself.

They end up in Bristol, and he most defiantly wasn’t planning on coming to the sea but now that he’s here here he’s going to stay and enjoy it. Harry had always talked about coming to the sea but that was the whole point of the trip. To do things by himself, or with Zayn, but really it was a completely different situation. He had to learn to be less dependant on his best friend. For his sanity if nothing else.

Somehow despite the fact it’s the summer holidays, Zayn manages to charm the little old lady at one of the many bed and breakfasts they’d seen into giving them a room for the night. He’s always envied both Zayn and Harry for their ability to do that, to charm the pants off anyone and everyone they meet regardless of age or sex. Harry's charm is probably how he ended up in this mess anyway if he really thinks about it. It's what he’d like to tell himself as well, that falling for Harry was inevitable simply because he was so charming and they spent so much time together.

They get Subway to for dinner and sit crossed legged on their twin beds, eating and watching each other. Zayn doesn’t speak until they're both finished and Louis’ remarkably surprised he’s managed to last this long without the interrogation he’s sure the other boy is dying to initiate.

“Are we going to talk about this?” Zayn asks, blunt and to the point as always.

“Talk about what?” He asks his own question in return, partially to buy time but also because he’s not exactly sure how hard Zayn wants to push right now and what the least amount of information he can give away is.

“Oh I don’t know,” Zayn’s retort is quick and laced with sarcasm, “Maybe the fact that 12 hours ago I was asleep at home and now I’m basically on the other side of the country with you.”

“We can talk about that.” Louis latches onto Zayn’s lack of specificity as a deflection tactic, “What about it? How much you love spending time with me? How you wish you had come up with this amazing idea yourself?”

“No actually.” Zayn’s clearly not in the mood to joke which is a shame. He would have like to put this conversation off for a couple of days at least, “I was wondering why.”

“It was time for a spontaneous adventure?” It comes out more like a question than a statement. It's ot very convincing at all and he knows it.

 Zayn does not look impressed “Try again.”

“Maybe I just needed to get away,” Louis pauses, trying to decide how to word what he wants to say, "from everything." They both know everything entails mostly Harry, but Louis isn’t ready to say it out loud yet and he's not sure he ever will be.

“So you decided to run?” Zayn doesn’t seem to be judging him which is good, Louis thinks it means he’s less likely to be abandoned or dragged home.

“I’m not running exactly,” He says carefully because that’s not how he sees it, after all he does plan to return home and complete sixth form.

“What would you call it then?” Incredulousness creeps into Zayn’s voice which caused him to panic slightly. Maybe he wasn’t as supportive and willing as Louis had thought. Doubts about his plan begin to creep into his head where there hadn’t been any uncertainty before. Though he quickly shoves them aside they leave their marks on him.

“I just need to get away I guess.” Louis shrugs, looking down at his hands because he doesn’t know how to convince Zayn to stay.

“Get away from what?” Zayn asks gently.

“You know.” Louis mutters, not looking up from his hands at all. “Please don’t make me say it.”

“You need to eventually.” Zayn tell him pragmatically. Like Louis doesn’t know it.

“I know.” He twists his fingers together, fascinated by the shapes they make, “But give me time please.”

“Alright.” Is all the reply Louis gets. He looks up in shock at Zayn who just smiles back, and asks “Do you need a cuddle?” effectively dropping the subject, something for which Louis is eternally grateful.

“Always.” Louis nods before launching himself at his friend, knocking him against the headboard of the other bed and tangling their legs together.

“So what are our plans?” Zayn asks, probably not realising how anxious he sounds.

“Since we’re here we might as stay for a few days,” Louis suggests, burrowing his head into Zayn’s neck because there’s nothing he loves more than a good cuddle. “I’ve always wanted to visit the sea.”

“I thought you wanted to visit the sea with-” Zayn doesn’t get to finish the sentence because Louis’ pinches his nipple with the sole purpose of distracting him. The yelp of pain is a good indication it succeeds.

“Alright fine you win you absolute animal.” Zayn mutters, grabbing Louis’ hands in his, probably to restrain him from repeating the action. “What are we doing after that? Where are we going?”

“How bout we make a deal?” He offers with a cheeky grin instead of answering the question. He's hoping to get something amusing out of this whole ordeal as well and really nothing else is amusing as messing with Zayn’s obsessive organisation.

“What kind of deal.” Zayn asks warily like he doesn’t trust him. He has good reasons for that actually but that’s neither here nor there.

“Let this trip just be spontaneous. We don't plan what we're going to do, which towns we're going to visit or where we're going to say.” He can practically feel Zayn's anuerism building.

“And in return?” The other boy asks like it physically pains him. Perhaps it does who is Louis to know.

“I’ll talk.” Louis shrugs, gambling on to the fact Zayn actually wants to hear what he has to say. Judging from the fact he’d tried to force him to talk not 5 minutes ago and the fact that he’s actually here, Louis’ thinks it’s a safe bet.

“You talk all the time.” Zayn points out. Louis would bet anything he’s frowning. Really he hadn’t even meant to be vague.

“I will talk to you about the reason for this wonderful trip of a lifetime.” Louis sighs, not willing to specify beyond that.

Zayn is clearly not completely satisfied with that though, “You’ll tell me before we go home?”

Louis supposes he could live with that, “Alright fine.”

There’s a long pause then, and Louis’ would guess Zayn is probably trying to decide whether he’s ready to relinquish his tightly held (but often concealed) control to satisfy what Louis can only assume is his curiosity, the reason he wants to know. Louis’ beginning to doubt he’s going to get an answer at all let alone the one he wants, when Zayn finally sighs, “Okay. I will agree to attempt you’re accursed spontaneity if you agree to talk to me about all this Harry stuff before we return home.” He lays out the agreement in straight words. Cutting the bullshit, which is why Louis really, really loves him.

He’d mentioned Harry’s name out loud, the thing Louis had been trying to avoid doing, but Zayn had agreed so Louis’ wouldn’t complain or draw any unwanted attention from his friend.

Louis was defiantly going to have a lot of fun with this deal. Sure he was running, not from demons that was to cliched for his taste yet running none the less, but he was going to make bloody well sure he got some amusement out of this.

Even if it was at Zayn’s expense.

-

Harry and Louis are usually inseparable, spending all their time together and sharing everything which is why Harry finds it odd that he hasn’t heard from his friend by the third day of the holidays, not even a text message or Skype call. It’s only Monday of course so there's nothing to really worry about, but still he sends Louis’ a text message just to check that he hadn’t died or something equally unpleasant.

He gets a reply back, of course he does, though it does take considerably longer than usual and it’s quite brusque and to the point. Still it proves to him the Louis’ alive and not ignoring him so he leave it for a few days, deciding his best friend is probably spending time with his sisters.

However by Tuesday he has decided enough is enough and at 8 o’clock he’s letting himself into Louis’ house through the kitchen door.

Much to his surprise he’s greeted by the site of Jay scrubbing at what he thinks is breakfast dishes in the sink. He’s surprised because she’s usually at work by this time, leaving Louis’ to get his sisters ready and fed in the morning before giving him the rest of the day to himself. Harry wonders if maybe the reason he hasn’t seen Louis is because he’s been sick or something.

“Harry, good morning.” Jay recieves him as warmly as usual. He can’t help noticing how tired and stressed she looka though, and well that just adds more credence to his suspicious about Louis being sick or something like it, unable to do all the things he usually does around the house to ease the burden on his mother.

“Good morning Jay.” He greets her with a smile and a peck on the cheek, “Is Louis around or..?” he trails off as a sudden feeling of awkwardness creeps over him. It’s not like he hadn’t notice Louis’ weirdness in the last couple of weeks but he doesn’t think the boy is ignoring him since Louis still talked and laughed with him, plus he did get a reply to that text message the other day. And even if Louis was ignoring Harry he’d still look after his sisters since his family was his life. He was so busy reassuring himself in his friendship with Louis that he nearly misses the way Jay suddenly went stiff, unreadable expression filtering across her face.

“You don’t know?” Jay asks him, deep frown etched into her face

“Don’t know what?” Harry asks, his concern and worry rushing back full force. Hypothetical scenarios run through his head from Louis’ sick in hospital to running off with some bird to elope. He’s not sure which option scares him more.

She doesn’t actually answer him though, makes no move to assuage his feels, just says “He really didn’t tell you?” like it’s the most shocking thing in the world. He supposes it is actually, that Louis would choose not to tell him something, especially something that based on the way Jay is acting seems quite momentous.

“Didn’t tell me what?” Harry doesn’t snap at her, his mum raised him much better than that, but he defiantly comes close. He just wants answers and preferably soon.

Jay closes her eyes dramatically before simply saying “He’s gone.”

"He’s gone?” Harry parrots but, certaintly not expecting to hear that and he couldn’t help the hysterical note that crept into his voice “What does that even mean? he’s gone where?” His mind was automatically jumping to the worst case scenarios, remembering the last time someone had said that to him was when his mum was telling him of his Grandfather’s death. Logically he knows Louis isn’t dead, he couldn’t exactly tell him that himself and Jay is too composed for that to be the case. Still he needs her to explain, so he knows for sure. Whatever she means can’t be as bad as what he’s imagining. It can’t.

Jay turns towards him, eyes full of sadness and what he thinks might be blame. The blame he must be imagining, a projection of his guilt, because he hasn’t done anything he could be blamed for to his best friend. He wouldn’t, and he defiantly couldn’t. The words that come out of her mouth he is defiantly not expecting to hear, and they certainly unbalance him “He’s run away.”