Chapter Text
Staring blankly ahead at the ceiling, Chariot already felt how the drawls of sleep dared pull her back in. Her body felt so heavy, exhausted despite just waking up from having slept well over ten hours. No one had come to wake her.. The professors understood and had given her leisure, hell, the Headmistress had even stepped in for her when covering classes.. Still she just laid there.. Blinking, she already felt that familiar sting and she closed them once more. Every waking hour she swore she had just cried. Chariot couldn’t remember when she hadn’t. It had been a few days.. The funeral had just been held yesterday and that was when it had all started to properly set in.
Croix Meridies is dead. She was killed by the very thing she had created.. And Chariot had been too late to stop it from happening.
No matter what anyone said, the numerous students that had witnessed it.. Chariot blamed herself solely for Croix’s death. She could have done
something
–
Anything.
But she had been too late and Croix’s body had hit the ground right in front of her. The smell, the taste in the air.. The pure unhinged malice that had coursed through her veins as she killed that fucking
abomination.
A single Pixel.. That was all that was left.. She still heard how it droned around her room, forever stained red with its creator’s blood.. Its color had darkened to what seemed like an eternal black.
“Red for anger, a dark blue for melancholy, pitch black for despair. It’s quite simple really.”
The voice always haunted her and Chariot already felt the way her bottom lip trembled. Forcing it between her teeth, she bit down into it, breathing out as she sat up far too quickly. Seeing stars, her eyes shut as a hand went to her head. But god was it cruel..
All she saw when she shut her eyes.. Was Croix.
Chariot wanted nothing more than to keep that smug smile in the forefront of her mind. Any moment it faltered and she lost sight of it was a moment where she immediately started to break down. As is, the thought alone made tears press at her eyes..
That was taken from her though. Hearing the knock on her chamber door, Chariot slowly opened her eyes. Her voice didn’t find her. A part of her was content with ignoring the person until they left, but that was when she heard the soft voice on the other side.
“Professor? It’s Diana.”
Turning her head down as if in acknowledgment, she waited for a moment. There was the painful reality that tugged at her, trying to drag her out of the hole she had climbed into. The world moves on with or without me.. You can’t stay like this forever.. It was painful.. Her inner monologue had lost her own voice, replaced with the woman’s she loved. Wiping at her eyes, she swallowed hard as her voice found her.
“C-Come in.”
The creaking of the door nearly made her cringe, the loud noise being such a contrast to the fact that her room had been silent for what seemed like days. Most conversations had just simply been held through her door, Chariot refused to let anyone in. She spoke at the foot of it here and there, some people got glimpses, trying to make sure that everything was alright and she wasn’t going to take drastic measures.. Holbrooke and Finnelan were the most worried on that front.
“This shouldn’t become a habit, Chariot..”
Sat in the infirmary, red eyes rolled as she looked anywhere but at the woman in front of her. Mint locks swayed past the woman’s shoulders, her head shaking as she gently pulled at the bandaging now firmly wrapped around Chariot’s arm.
“Not only is it reckless, but you’re going to wind up getting yourself killed.”
Butting into the conversation as she had been standing there with her arms folded, Anne eyed the young student, still slightly wincing as she could see a few of the cuts peeking out from under the bandages. Miranda had done her best to patch the girl up the minute a student had pointed out that Chariot had been bleeding. How it had gone undetected had been beyond them, but she was in their care now and that was all that had mattered. The words that were snapped back at Finnelan though.. Miranda could only sigh and click her tongue sadly.
“That’s the whole point.”
As another body finally entered her room for the first time in a while, Chariot’s eyes found Diana’s form. Watching her, she immediately noticed how the girl looked around at the state of the place. It wasn’t a disaster at least.. A few things were strewn about here and there, but Diana couldn’t spot anything that could be deemed harmful to the older witch. The Headmistress had briefly mentioned that she should check on her after she left her office, so here the Cavendish Prodigy was. Finally, blue eyes met red and she offered a soft smile that Chariot barely returned before averting her gaze.
“I thought I’d come and ch–”
“The Headmistress put you up to this, didn’t she?”
Being cut off near immediately, Diana allowed her mouth to fall shut as she furrowed her brows. Was it that obvious? Diana frowned as the revelation smacked her of just how fucked up that was. This was one of the professors she was terribly close with. Shouldn’t she be here on her own desire..? To be fair.. Diana understood how grieving went. She had lost someone important to her once upon a time too.
“Mommy isn’t here to save you now. Back to work with you.”
With bleeding hands, Diana furrowed her brows as she looked up at Daryl, her body instinctively moving back as she bit into her cheek so hard it bled..
“She asked me to check on you, yes. But I’m not doing it as some menial task, I promise you that..”
Sighing as her voice trailed off, Diana was slow with her actions. She knew how it had been when her mother had passed. Her room had been an absolute wreck. For a while, she had refused to let anyone in, completely became a recluse. Her maid was the only person that was allowed in and even then, she didn’t let her touch anything. Just drop off her meal and leave. Bending down to pick up a shirt, Diana slowly folded it as she eyed the woman still held up on her bed.
“Of course she did..”
Hearing the near annoyed mumble, Diana chose not to comment on it. Try as she may like to remind Chariot that there were people alive that cared about her.. She knew Chariot wasn’t going to care. Diana hadn’t a flying fuck to give about anyone after her mother had died. It had taken a long time for her to even have meaningful conversations where she properly showed her vulnerability to people. Her mother had been the one person who had cared and loved her in her eyes.. Everyone else was just an afterthought.. Assuming that Chariot had a similar mindset, Diana simply continued with cleaning up the witch’s room.
“Regardless of that fact.. I wanted to check up on you at some point anyways..”
All she had heard was a soft ‘ah’ and Diana immediately knew the woman was only half listening. She wouldn’t push it. At the end of the day, not only did Diana know better, but she understood just what the woman was going through. Sure.. She hadn’t lost a lover and a best friend, but she had lost someone to begin with.. There had to be some sort of comfort in that.. Even if it is a painful one. Continuing to pick up the remainder of the clothes, Diana placed them on Chariot’s desk, all nicely folded regardless of if they were clean or dirty. The concept of having a cleaner space would hopefully make her feel somewhat normal in all of this.
Now with everything off of the floor, there wasn’t exactly much Diana could do in terms of tidying up. Her attention now had to rest fully on Chariot, and it was clear the older woman hadn’t a single care of her being in the room at that moment. Still, Diana persisted and acted as though it didn’t bother her. A part of her was hurt, sure, but she didn’t even think twice about it. Grief is one hell of a thing.. She was slow in her approach, running her fingers along the sheets as she flattened them out. As Chariot turned her head to shoot her a glance, her eyes immediately averted. Diana didn’t take it to heart. Instead, she brought herself to sit on the edge of the bed, her voice soft as she asked the one thing no one wants to be asked in these situations.
”How are you doing..?”
It was such a quiet question, Chariot swore she almost heard the tremble in Diana’s voice as she had asked it. A soft breath left out of her nose as her head slowly shook. As much as she didn’t want to be miffed over being asked, she was. It was obvious how she was and yet everyone asked her every single day. Despite this, she knew better than to snap at someone like Diana.. The poor girl was here on both her own desire and the Headmistress’. Chariot appreciated that to some extent. At least they had sent someone she could tolerate during a conversation.. Regardless of all of these factors, her head still shook back and forth as she forced herself to look up at the ceiling. Feeling the way tears pressed at the backs of her eyes, Chariot closed them as her voice left her terribly strained and small.
“I’m alive.. That’s more than what others can say.”
“Oh, Chariot..”
Moving forward as the woman immediately broke into a sob, Diana was slow as she made sure to make eye contact with her. Wanting to ensure that everything happened on Chariot’s terms, Diana allowed her arms to open. A part of her didn’t really expect Chariot to take the offer, but the woman wrapped her arms tightly around Diana. Nearly feeling the wind knocked out of her as she was squeezed, Diana ran slow circles over Chariot’s back, breathing out heavily through her nose as she felt the older woman bury herself into her shoulder.
Letting the moment pan out, Diana just let Chariot cry. She wasn’t sure how long they had been like that, but she kept her arms around that woman until she wanted to be done with it. In due time her head just rested against Diana’s chest, the Valedictorian’s fingers gently sifting through locks that were eternally burnt their infamous red. As she continued to comfort her professor the best she could, Diana’s movements almost faltered as she heard Chariot speak up.
”It hurts.. It really fucking hurts.. ”
Furrowing her brows at that, Diana nodded despite the way Chariot couldn’t see that. Continuing with her actions, her voice came out quiet as she responded.
“I know it does, and I hate to say it doesn’t get easier with time.”
Breathing in the air around them, it almost seemed suffocating.. Maybe it was the heat from her teacher pressed against her, but Diana felt like she was drowning. Perhaps it was the fact she still refused to properly face her own traumatic experience with death.. Regardless, she was slow as she took her wand off of her hip. A window wasn’t too far off, Diana flicked her wand towards it, watching it open with ease. The Autumn breeze that sifted in was much needed, but her counterpart didn’t seem to enjoy it. Nuzzling herself further against Diana’s chest, the younger blonde tilted her head at that with a sad smile.
“We sort of learn to live with it.. As painful as it is.”
Nodding her head against Diana’s chest, Chariot sighed. A part of her felt ridiculous.. Crying on a student’s chest.. As a professor, she swore she should feel some ounce of shame, but she pressed it aside the best she could. You’re grieving, Chariot.. Cut yourself some slack. That voice echoed throughout her head and she immediately wiped at her eyes again, hoping to somehow keep herself from crying anymore.
“You’re right..”
Pressing gently off of Diana, this was the first time their eyes had properly connected. Those beautiful red eyes were so lost.. So gone.. The scar over her right eye certainly highlighted them.. A parting gift from Croix’s creation.. She was forever going to be reminded of the fact that she couldn’t kill that thing in time before it had killed her lover. Now, she was marked. Her right eye was mostly glazed over, having completely lost sight in it. Chariot had yet to see what it looked like, having spent the last week confined to her bed. She felt disgusting as is, and now pressing that onto Diana was such a terrible feeling.. Sighing, Chariot pressed a stray strand out of her face, offering Diana a near apologetic smile as she eyed the area around them.
“It will take time.. But I’m sure I can learn..”
Smiling softly at the response she had been given, Diana patted Chariot’s knee.
“If anyone can overcome obstacles, it’s certainly you,
Chariot.”
As she heard her name, Chariot had to double-take. She swore that the voice she had heard didn't belong to Diana. Clearly, Diana had noticed the way her eyes had widened. Tilting her head, she raised a brow.
“Is everything alright?”
“I-It’s nothing.. I..”
It took Chariot a moment to genuinely debate on whether or not she should say what she wanted to. Between the things she had started to see, to the voice she had started to hear. A part of her thought she was losing her mind.. Grief could certainly change a person, but Chariot wanted no part in it if it slowly ate away at her sanity. The last ten years had done that enough.
Clearly aware of the turmoil taking place within Chariot’s mind, Diana patted her knee as she shook her head.
“You don’t need to tell me. Tell you what..”
Slowly looking around the room, Diana eyed the door. She didn’t want to necessarily force the woman out of the room.. But suggesting it couldn’t hurt, right..? It was still early in the day. Classes were going on and Diana had opted to skip most of them. It wasn’t unlike her to pass up a few classes, knowing that she had the material down pat for all of them. Even so, she still showed up for the full ‘Luna Nova Experience’ and mostly because it amused her to some extent. Knowledge is power, especially in the eyes of a witch. With all of that out of her system, she thought more so on the mundane aspect of it all.. School is a mundane thing, an everyday occurrence for the average student and professor. Maybe attempting to reintroduce Chariot to that would help her to some extent.. As long as Diana stayed by her side.. Perhaps she could be something akin to an anchor in all of this. While the Headmistress had told her not to get too involved, who better than someone who understood the woes of grief..?
“Perhaps you could get yourself cleaned up and however ‘presentable’ you’d like to be in the public eye.. And we could take a small walk around campus–”
“Diana–”
“It doesn’t need to be anywhere you don’t want nor do you need to interact with anyone. I’ll be there with you and I certainly haven’t a care of telling someone to.. Mh..” Placing her finger to her chin, Diana gave a bit of a sly smirk. Cursing wasn’t exactly her cup of tea. “For a lack of better words;
Fuck off.
” The soft chuckle and widening of Chariot’s eyes certainly told her it was worth the vulgarity. “We could grab something small to eat from the cafeteria.. And then.. If you’re comfortable with it..” Making sure to have Chariot’s eye contact, Diana finished her sentence, taking Chariot’s hand and giving it a soft squeeze in the process. “
We visit Croix’s resting place.”
Reflexively, Chariot’s grip tightened near deathly at the mention of Croix. Her eye darkened as she eyed Diana, and Diana immediately took note of that.
“I know.. Trust me, I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t think it was good for you..”
Those eyes just continuously shot daggers at her and Diana squeezed her hand right back, holding her ground.
“Chariot.”
*That fucking voice again..
”You can’t avoid me forever.”
“Wha–”
“I’m just saying that you can’t stay here forever.”
Blinking as she shook her head, Chariot took her hand back from Diana. The look in her eye disappeared and she snapped from her trance. Furrowing her brows, she eyed the door to the private bathroom attached to her room, her eyes then flicking to the main door. It didn’t sound terrible.. The concept of having to actually talk with people again was terrifying. After practically being mute for the last week, well.. Placing her foot down internally, Chariot slowly nodded.
“W-We can certainly try.”
A bit relieved at a response like that, Diana gently clapped her hands together as she properly sat back.
”That’s all we can do, Chariot..~”