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The apartment felt hollow without Jhoanna.
Colet had never known silence could be so deafening. She sat on their—no, her—bed now, staring at the empty space beside her where Jhoanna used to sleep.
That night, Colet had begged. Pleaded. Swore that it had meant nothing. But Jhoanna had looked at her with those heartbreakingly steady eyes and told her the truth she hadn’t wanted to face.
“Then why was I never enough?”
“Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this.”
"I'm better off alone."
The words from Jhoanna were like a dagger pinning her heart. "Ang sakit naman neto." she said while hands are on her face.
Colet had thought she’d wake up and this would all feel like a bad dream. That she’d hear Jhoanna in the kitchen, humming softly as she made coffee. That she’d walk out and find her standing there like she always did, smiling softly, the kind of smile that had always made Colet feel like she was the luckiest person in the world.
But when she woke up, there was no humming. No scent of coffee. No Jhoanna.
Just emptiness.
Colette reached for her phone, scrolling through their old messages.
"Mahal, uuwi ka ba tonight? Ingat ha? I love you."
"Love, Ano oras ka uuwi?"
"Pauwi ka na ba mahal? Nagluto na ako ng dinner natin. Ingat pag uwi, mahal ko. I love you"
"Baby, what time out mo? Dito ka ba mag dinner?"
"Love, lock mo na lang doors pag uwi mo. Matutulog na ako. Ingat ka. I love you."
That's some of Jhoanna's sent messages to her, that she even didn't bother to reply.
She squeezed her eyes shut, a tear slipping down her cheek.
She had been so stupid.
She had thrown it all away for what? A fleeting moment of attention? A night of reckless impulsivity that had meant nothing in the grand scheme of things?
But it had meant something. Not to her, maybe, but to Jhoanna. Because betrayal wasn’t measured by how much Colet cared about the other person—it was measured by how much she had hurt the one she claimed to love.
Jhoanna had given her everything. She had been steady, patient, kind. She had made Colet believe in forever.
"Masyado akong nakampante." She said to herself. And she destroyed it in a matter of moment.
She got up slowly, walking to the closet where Jhoanna’s clothes had once hung. She had taken most of them, but a few things remained—things she had probably forgotten or chosen to leave behind. A scarf, a hoodie Colet used to steal when she was cold, a book she had been halfway through reading.
Colet reached for the hoodie and pressed it to her face, inhaling the faint scent of lavender and vanilla—Jhoanna’s scent.
A sob ripped from her throat.
She had always thought Jhoanna would stay. No matter how many times she had messed up in little ways, no matter how much they argued or disagreed—she had believed, deep down, that Jhoanna would always be there.
But she wasn’t.
Because love wasn’t just about feelings. It was about trust. And Colet had shattered that trust beyond repair.
She picked up her phone again, fingers trembling as she typed out a message.
Colet: I miss you. I love you. Please, Jhoanna… I don’t know how to do this without you.
She stared at the screen, waiting. Hoping. But deep down, she knew.
There would be no response.
Because some mistakes you don’t get to fix.
And Colet would have to live with that for the rest of her life.
A knock at the door broke her from her thoughts. Colet stood, heart pounding, as she opened the door to find a woman she hadn’t seen in months—Jhoanna’s best friend, Yso.
“I… I was worried about you,” Yso said softly, her eyes filled with concern.
"Yso, bakit sakin ka mag aalala? Bakit hindi sa best friend mo?" Colet asked.
"And you are my friend too, 'di ba?"
"Nasaktan ko siya, Yso. Nasaktan ko 'yung kaisa-isang babae na minahal at tinanggap ako. I fucked up." Colet sobbing.
Yso gave her a sad and understanding look. "You need to help yourself too. Kagaya ni Jho, tinutulungan niya 'yung self niya. Because right now, she know, she deserves better than this, Col."
Colet gripped the hoodie, hre legs feeling unsteady beneath her. Yso's words echoed in her mind. "She deserves better...."
She had known that all along, hadn’t she? She had known it the moment Jhoanna walked out of the door, suitcase in hand, eyes filled with heartbreak. But hearing it from Yso—hearing it from someone who had stood by Jhoanna’s side through it all—made it real in a way Colet wasn’t prepared for.
"I know she deserves better." Colet admitted. "I love her so much, Yso.. I-" Her voice cracked, the weight of her regret pressing down on her chest. "I didn't mean to hurt your friend."
"Col.."
"Hmm?"
Yso sighed. " Col, loves isn't just about word, your words. It's about the choices you make when the other person isn't looking. And I am sorry to say this, but, you made a choice that told Jhoanna she wasn't enough."
Colet flinched.. "That's not true, Yso. She was enough. She was everything."
"Then, bakit mo ginawa 'yon?" Yso asked, folding her arms. "Bakit mo isinantabi si Jhoanna?"
Colet opened her mouth, but no answer came. Because there was no answer. Nothing she could say would justify the betrayal.
Yso shook her head. "You didn't just cheat. You shattered the way she saw you. To the point na she napatanong na lang siya kung totoo ba lahat ng binitawan mong I love you sa kanya. Lahat ng pangako na sinabe mo."
Colet’s stomach twisted. She had never thought about it that way before. She had convinced herself it had been just one mistake—something that could be forgiven if she just proved how sorry she was. But it wasn’t just about that night. It was about everything that had come before it. Every moment Jhoanna had trusted her. Every time Jhoanna had believed in her.
And she had destroyed it.
"Yso.."
"Yes? Go on. You can talk to me. You can ask me anything."
"Is.. Is she happy?"
"Hmm. She's healing.. But happy? Not yet. Syempre ilang araw pa lang naman. You were her world, Col. But I guess sa ngayon, she's just trying to live."
Colet swallowed the lump in her throat, nodding.. "I want her to be happy, Yso... Even if it's not with me."
Yso gave her a small, sad smile.. "Then do the one thing you haven't done yet."
"What's that?"
"Let her go. Tell her you are letting go."
Colet doesn't want that. She doensn't like that idea. The idea of losing Jhoanna forever.
But now, standing in the empty apartment, feeling the weight of all she had lost, Colet must do it. She have to face it.
Jhoanna wasn't coming back.
And she had no one to blame but herself.