Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

What’s done is done.

What’s in the past, stays in the past.

That’s what floated around the back of Jason’s mind, at all times. A silent reminder, that he’d rather leave his old life from before he died, behind. Sure, he was better than before, (before meaning when he had been trying to kill everyone), but that didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it. Perhaps the real Jason Todd really did die in that warehouse that night, perhaps what lifted out of the Lazarus Pit really wasn’t him, not the same Jason.

He still had all his old memories, but he didn’t bring them up much, he didn’t like remembering it. Though some memories might’ve been better than others. Maybe once in a while he thought back to some of them, the good ones. Not of him being Robin, no. Ones where he had truly felt human, like the kid that he was. Ones that made him feel normal. Memories he might’ve thought of when he was trapped in that warehouse, with that crowbar slamming against his ribs. Maybe there were a few people he thought of when he was crawling towards that door, that deceiving, locked door.

He’d rather not though.

He reminded himself over and over, whenever those came back, what’s done, is done.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The scraping sound echoed throughout the room before it ceased, the knife Jason held now sharpened to his liking. He looked it over a bit more, making sure it was good at every angle.

Dick leaned against the door frame behind him with his arms crossed, being unusually quiet now. Tim was leaning against the wall, the conversation they had all been having just moments prior having died out. By ‘conversation they had all been having’, it means Dick and Tim were the ones talking to each other and a mostly unresponsive Jason, who gave a few nods and comments every so often, acting like he was listening even though he wasn’t, for the most part at least.

The silence lasted a bit longer, though Jason had hoped it would be for longer, even hoped that Dick and Tim would soon get bored and walk out the room and just leave Jason alone.

“So, Jason..” Dick began, shifting on his feet a bit as he looked over at Tim, who now had his eyes glued to his screen. “I know you kinda, like- don’t like talking about this, but I was thinking a few days ago-.. What ever happened to that girl you were dating.. Like back in high school-?” Dick asked cautiously, looking back at where Jason sat faced away from him and Tim.

Dick, Tim, and just about everybody else, knew that Jason didn’t like talking about his past, he didn’t bring it up once and he refused to go to therapy. As he thought moving on and pretending it just ‘never happened’, was enough therapy for him. Jason was predictable but also unpredictable in most cases.

He could put his guard up and kick Dick and Tim out of the room and refuse to talk to them for a bit, or, he could turn around and throw a punch at Dick. (which happened every so often when Dick really felt like prying.)

Jason looked over his shoulder at Dick, almost in a silent glare. He seemed to tense for a bit, but if he had, it was gone in a moment. He looked back down at the blade in his hands. “I don’t know and I don’t care. She’s probably out living her life. A new and normal life.” Jason replied indifferently, eyes looking down to the assortment of weapons in front of him, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation.

Maybe Jason had a quick flash of a memory in his mind, of you, but he pushed it away. Not wanting to go down that path.

Dick looked back at Tim, who was typing away at his phone, doing whatever.

There was silence in the room for a moment or two, and Dick looked like he was about to say something else, before Tim piped up for the first time in a bit. “Found her. This is her Instagram.” Tim spoke as he walked over to Jason, holding out his phone for him to see. Jason’s eyes flickered over the page. You seemed to post frequently. From what he was looking at, you looked only a few years older, despite the fact that it had been quite longer since he had last seen you, but it was clear time had treated you well. Though as quickly as he looked at the screen (quicker than he would like to admit), he looked away.

He stood up, cracking his back before grabbing his blades and a few guns he had there, stuffing them all inside his duffel bag. “Whatever. Like I said, I really don’t care.” Jason says coldly, crossing the room and nudging past Dick, who was still leaned against the frame of the door.

He walked down the hall, Jason didn’t want to think about it anymore, but he couldn’t help it.

He scolded himself for acting out how he did. He didn’t care about you. Not anymore, that part of his life was over, he had left that behind. Or so he tried to convince himself as he threw on his leather jacket and his helmet, revving up his bike.

Some things were best left alone, he repeated in his head like a mantra. This was stupid, why was he even thinking about this so much?

It didn’t matter. You didn’t matter. You were just a memory, a fragment of his old self that died in that warehouse that night. Maybe he thought of you then, when that bomb had ticked down, when he had finally accepted his fate. Maybe he had thought of you a bit after he had come back to life, when the air had been forcefully shoved back into his hollow chest.

Now, it was different. Or at least he wanted it to be. He didn’t need his old memories, his past.

It was just dead weight now.

But no matter how much he told himself that, his mind kept drifting back to you. How you looked almost the same as you did when you were young. Your smooth skin and warm, happy eyes. Even if he wanted to, it would never be the same.

It would be selfish to show himself again, you should live your life. You shouldn’t be stuck to bare the burden of knowing he was now alive again. Your first boyfriend,

Jason Todd.

Chapter Text

Ryker’s Books & Coffee.

A small bookstore and café in Gotham City. It’s named after its owner, Ryker Greye. It’s been around since Jason was young.

Tim recommended it though, says the coffee there is good. Jason wouldn’t put it past Tim to know the best coffee place in Gotham.

^^^

The bell hanging over the door to Ryker’s rang softly as Jason walked in, taking his now rain soaked hood, down.

It wasn’t busy, just a few people sitting down at some tables either studying or just talking, maybe one or two people looking through the selection of books lining the shelves in the actual bookstore part of the building.

Jason ended up ordering just a plain coffee. He wasn’t even really much of a coffee guy, he just felt odd not ordering anything.

He sat down at the long table right in front of the front window of the café part of the store, the other chairs empty. This spot was calm, he could watch the rain and the cars drive past and all the people walking on the sidewalks.

^^^

Okay, Jason hadn’t really meant to. He didn’t mean to look through your instagram that Tim had shown him the day before. He didn’t care, truthfully.

He didn’t care about what you were doing, but then again, what’s the harm in just looking? It didn’t mean anything.

Jason scrolled through your page, and he was in fact right, you did post a lot. Just enough for him to see what your life was like now. In the least creepiest way possible.

At one point, he scrolled down so far and eventually went back to years ago, or what felt more like literal decades ago. It was a picture of you and him.

It was more of a silly selfie, clear that it was taken a long time ago from the shitty filter over it and the almost fuzzy graphics.

He stared at the photo for longer than he would like to admit.

Even if he didn’t want to think about his past, he let it pass just this once. He wasn’t Robin in the photo, he was just Jason. Just Jason Todd.

He was always just Jason with you.

In the photo, you had your arm slung over his shoulder, your faces pressed together side by side and the both of you had the brightest smiles on your faces.

It was one of those photos where it was clearly taken in the heat of the moment, no setting up or posing for, it was real.

The boy in the photo had smooth skin, and still had that bright shimmer in his eyes. It was like he was happy because he knew that later that night he would go patrol the streets of Gotham as Robin alongside Batman, then he would go back to the manor, go to sleep and wake up and hang out with you all day again.

He looked like he was the happiest boy on earth.

It was only worse to think about. That was his fair share of memories for the week, hopefully the month.

The feelings that came with seeing the photo of you and him only proved him right that nothing good ever came from the past, at least not from his past.

Jason closed the tab and shut his phone off, placing it face down on the table and running his hand through his hair. He shouldn’t be thinking about it, the past should really be left alone.

Fuck Dick and Tim for bringing it up again, and fuck them again for even thinking there was a chance that something could ever happen between you and him again.

You both were just kids back then after all, even if it was the happiest Jason had ever been in his entire life.

Jason heard the chair on the other end of the table scrape the floor, he looked on instinct at the sound to see who had decided to sit close to him out of everybody else.

To say he had the breath knocked out of him and almost fell out of his chair when he spotted you, of all people, was definitely an understatement.

You looked over at him as he fumbled in his chair a bit, you seemed to stumble with your words as well when you got a good look at his face. A flash of maybe nostalgia or recognition in your eyes, and he couldn’t tell if he felt fear or hope clawing in his chest.

Though as soon as it came, it was gone, and you seemed to remember the situation at hand. “I’m sorry- did you just want to sit here, alone? I can move to another seat if it’s weird.” You offered, already shifting to move off your seat.

So, you didn’t remember him then.

Of course you didn’t.

Jason was a broken shell of the boy he once was, broken and shattered.

He had been ripped apart and glued back together so many times, each time he fit together less and less.

“No-! I mean- It’s fine. You’re fine. I just didn’t expect anyone to sit next to- to me.” Jason said, a bit too quickly. He mentally slapped himself, why did he care? He should just go with it and shoo you off, then never come back here again so he never has to see you ever again.

Something deep down stopped him from doing just that though.

You smiled when he fumbled over his words, and he swore he almost threw up.

You looked the same, just maybe a couple years older. It made his stomach toss and turn in a way it hadn’t in forever.

“Well, don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t look scary enough to not sit a seat over from.” You assured with some humor to your voice, and he felt a grin slowly grow on his face as well.

Jason looked back out the window at the cars passing by in the rain. A part of him deep down still hoping that maybe you would actually recognize him, but he knew you wouldn’t.

“Yeah, well, tell that to the people that get up when I sit just two seats away from them.” He added, looking back at you, and his heart lurched in his chest all over again.

He could not believe this was actually happening.

You laughed softly, glancing back at the shop behind the two of you before meeting his eye again. Looking him up and down as if addressing him. “You don’t look half bad, but I mean, you can never be too sure in Gotham.” You added with a joking grimace, taking a sip of the coffee you had beside you on the table.

Jason nodded in reply and his eyes trailed down to look at your order. Iced coffee that was a light, creamy beige, obviously having been sweetened as hell with some sugar and some creamer. A slice of strawberry cream cake on the side, the special on the menu today.

You always did have a sweet tooth when you were both younger. You obviously hadn’t grown out of it.

“If you wanted some, you could’ve just ordered it. You’re welcome to try some of mine if you’d like, though.”

His eyes snapped back up to your face as you spoke, taking in the teasing yet light hearted grin on your face as you motioned to the slice of cake.

Jason stammered over his words yet again, knowing he was just embarrassing himself all over again.

“Ah- No, I just- zoned out for a moment. Habit, I guess.” He defended himself. It was, in fact, half true.

He just left out the part where he was zoning out reminiscing in the fact that you hadn’t changed a bit since he died.

You giggled a bit again, looking back down at your food in front of you with a soft smile on your face. “Okay, your choice. Just let me know if you change your mind. I must warn you though, it will go pretty fast.” You shrugged, taking another sip of your drink.

Jason had to force himself to simply nod and look away from you and back down to the coffee in his hands.

This day was maybe one of the craziest days ever. He didn’t even know whether to call it his lucky day, or the worst day of his life.

Ever since he literally died and was resurrected, of course.

^^^

The rest of the time Jason spent sitting next to you in the shop, was spent in an almost complete, comfortable silence with you.

It felt almost a bit too natural. Like old times.

He didn’t know if he wanted to jump up from his seat and run away or if he wanted to just stay still like a statue. He chose to try and act natural.

He had toughened up only a little to ask for your name. You told him yours and he told you his.

Jason could see that flash of confusion and nostalgia as he told you his name. It made him want to throw up.

You seemed to just brush it off once again, saying it was funny because you used to know someone else named Jason before, and he felt like he might burst.

But he didn’t.

^^^

Jason finished his coffee soon after. He had already stayed in the shop a bit more than he would like, and he would rather die than admit it was because of you.

He stood up, grabbing his trash and phone.

He froze for a split second, catching as you glanced up at him.

He wondered if he should say bye or something, but decided that it would be weird and awkward since technically, you didn’t or you thought you didn’t know him. In your mind, you only met around an hour ago and had talked for a few minutes only.

Jason threw his trash out and walked towards the front entrance, opening the door and walking through.

The rain had gotten really bad at this point, maybe he was too distracted by you to notice when he was leaving. The thought made him curse at himself.

Jason knew he couldn’t walk back to his bike in this rain, he hated getting soaking wet with all his clothes on and everything, it reminded him of when he was little, on the streets with no coverage from the Gotham rain.

He opted for just standing under the canopy for a minute, just until the rain let up a bit.

What harm could it do?

A lot more than he thought, apparently.

After about two minutes, the bell connected to the door dinged as it was opened again and he tensed, worried about who it may be that was leaving.

He glanced over his shoulder, and his concern was confirmed as he saw you.

You stopped right beside him, on the other side under the canopy.

Looking out into the rain.

After yet another moment of silence between the two of you, you spoke up first once more. “Raining real hard today, huh?” You spoke, still looking straight ahead.

Jason looked back at you, rubbing the back of his neck as he suddenly felt hyper-aware of everything around him, specifically you.

“Yeah, but that’s just Gotham. Can never be too sure about Gotham.” He replied, grinning a bit at his own joke, as if you too already had something yet again.

You laughed at that, and he felt his heart clench at the sound of it.

It was quiet for a moment once again, that silence between the two of you settling once more. “I don’t know if this is weird to ask but, do you think I could maybe get your number? You seem pretty cool.” You asked with a smile and he felt like he could explode right then and there.

Jason stood frozen for a moment, his mind racing at what seemed like fifty miles an hour, before he answered in a hurry. “I- I mean- Sure! You- You seem cool too.” He stuttered yet again, almost grimacing at himself. You didn’t seem to mind though.

Your smile grew even more as you took out your phone, opening the number keypad and handing him it so that he could put his number in.

He handed it back with a grin, trying to hide how his insides were literally on fire and he was internally screaming and cursing himself.

You quickly made his contact and sent a practice text to save it before sliding your phone back into your pocket.

The rain seemed to have let up from the time you guys were under the canopy, it was a soft patter now, not even half as bad.

“Well, I guess that’s our cue. I’ll see you around though, right?” You asked, looking back up at him with that same smile as you pushed up off the wall you were leaning on.

Jason grinned, looking at you for a moment before replying. “Yeah. Hope so, at least.” He answered. He still felt like he was imagining this whole situation.

You nodded and pulled your hood up, walking out from under the canopy and into the rain. You walked the opposite direction while he watched.

His head hurt from this whole day, it was like something from a movie. Nothing in his life could ever just be normal?

Jason sighed, cursing under his breath and rubbing his hand over his face before he pulled his hood up as well. Walking out into the rain and turning to walk the opposite way in which you had gone.

He pulled his phone out from his pocket as he walked, looking at your contact that was now in his phone before scrolling a bit more down to another contact.

Roy was sure to get a kick out of this story.