Chapter Text
Akamatsu Kaede added 15 people to the group chat
Akamatsu Kaede named the group chat '79th class'
Akamatsu Kaede: Hello everyone! I thought that I would make a group chat to help us become closer as classmates and maybe even friends
Saihara Shuichi is online
Saihara Shuichi: Thank you, Akamatsu! You must be really concerned that we get along well
Ouma Kokichi is online
Saihara Shuichi: shit, I forgot that summons him
Ouma Kokichi: u wound me bb
Iruma Miu is online
Iruma Miu: HA GET FUCKED YA GRAPE SHITSTAIN
Iruma Miu changed their name to "pussy"
Ouma Kokichi: oh yeah, u can change your username
Ouma Kokichi: let's get this thing started then ;)))
Ouma Kokichi removed 14 users' admin privileges
Chabashira Tenko is online
Chabashira Tenko: YOU FILTHY DEGENERATE!!! GIVE BACK TENKO’S ADMIN PRIVILEGES
pussy: WTF YOU VIRGIN GREMLIN
Momota Kaito is online
Momota Kaito: HEY WTF OUMA
Harukawa Maki is online
Harukawa Maki: do u wanna die
Ouma Kokichi: yes pls
Hoshi Ryoma is online
Hoshi Ryoma: same
Momota Kaito: c o n c e r n
Ouma Kokichi: that was a LIE~
Yumeno Himiko is online
Yumeno Himiko: *insert john cena 'are you sure about that vine'*
Hoshi Ryoma: I wasn't lying
Akamatsu Kaede: C O N C E R N
Saihara Shuichi: Did u just type out asterisk insert john cena 'are you sure about that vine' asterisk
Yumeno Himiko: that is correct
Chabarshira Tenko: OMG HI HIMKO!!!! LEAVE HIMIKO ALONE YOU DEGENERATE >:(
Saihara Shuichi: ;~;
Saihara Shuichi: also r u ok babe?
Ouma Kokichi: I'm not oKAYYYY~
Ouma Kokichi: rip mcr 2001-2013
Saihara Shuichi: asdfgtsazfg
Saihara Shuichi: wheN I WAS A YOUNG BOY
Harukawa Maki: what r u doing
Saihara Shuichi: JOINING THE BLACK PARADE
[A/N: this was written pre-mcr reunion btw- they are now back together and saihara cried of joy that day]
Momota Kaito: shit Ouma broke my sidekick
pussy: wouldn't be the first time amiright? ;)))
Ouma Kokichi: ;)))))
Saihara Shuichi: kOKICHI
Amami Rantaro is online
Amami Rantaro: tmi dude
Akamatsu Kaede: yeah, I don't need to know about my best friend's sex life
Chabashira Tenko: EWWW DEGENERATES
Yumeno Himiko: k but why are we acting like that twink tops saihara?
Chabashira Tenko: HIMIKO?!?!?
Ouma Kokichi: hey! im totally a top!! tell em shumai ;)
Saihara Shuichi: lol
Ouma Kokichi: WTF?!? also saihara is a twink too!! im being unfairly slandered
Shirogane Tsumugi is online
Shirogane Tsumugi: their relationship is a twink x twink situation
Ouma Kokichi: ugh we summoned the plain Jane fujoshi freak
Ouma Kokichi: also STFU?!?
pussy: twinkma and twinkhara
Ouma Kokichi: SHUT UP WHORE!!!
Hoshi Ryoma: notice how ouma is the only one fighting the twink allegations
Saihara Shuichi: eh im self aware
Yumeno Himiko: also, they aren’t allegations, they’re facts
Momota Kaito: Shuichi is gonna graduate from twinkdom with my training program
Ouma Kokichi: straight man hating twinks! classic
Momota Kaito: wait what???
Shirogane Tsumugi: yikes, not a good look Momota
Yumeno Himiko: closet homophobe behaviour tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Momota Kaito: stop making me look like a homophobe! all of my friends are gay
Ouma Kokichi: heard that one before
Momota Kaito: hey stop! i can’t be homophobic! I’ve had sex with a man before!
pussy: HUH????
Amami Rantaro: um… ignoring allll of that… since when was Ouma emo?
Ouma Kokichi: eh, i wouldnt necessarily say that im emo, i just like to show interest in my partner’s interests :3
Saihara Shuichi: aw babe :,)
Akamatsu Kaede: wait that’s actually kinda sweet
Ouma Kokichi: yeah yeah we all know that im the bestest bf ever *yawn*
Akamatsu Kaede: why does that make it seem less genuine…
Momota Kaito: wait since when was Shuichi emo?
Harukawa Maki: ur kidding right?
Ouma Kokichi: who’s gonna tell him both of bro’s sidekicks are emo *skull emoji*
Momota Kaito: HUH?? maki roll too??
Hoshi Ryoma: wait till bro realize that half the class is emo
Saihara Shuichi: tbf i’d say that maki, kiyo, and kirumi are more goth leaning
Shinguji Korekiyo is online
Shinguji Korekiyo: from an anthropological perspective, I wouldn’t necessarily align myself with any one subculture, as i am simply an observer of humanity’s beauty
Hoshi Ryoma: idk man that seems like something a goth would say
Shinguji Korekiyo: *sigh* why do i even try?
Ouma Kokichi: hehe that was pretty goth too
Harukawa Maki: i guess it would be more accurate to say most of our class is some form of alternative
Ouma Kokichi: a normie like kaito wouldn’t get it
Momota Kaito: :( i feel left out
Ouma Kokichi: aww don’t worry! at least you have kayayday
Akamatsu Kaede: why? am? i? catching? strays?
Hoshi Ryoma: only in this friend group is being called normal considered an insult
Saihara Shuichi: real
Shinguji Korekiyo: Not to distract from this fascinating topic, but why has Ouma removed our admin privileges?
Ouma Kokichi: before i explain that, i must summon the rest of our beloved classmates
Chabashira Tenko: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE DEGENERATE!!
Chabashira: SUMMONING IS MAGIC AKA HIMIKO’S JOB AKA SHUT UP AND LET HER DO IT
Yumeno Himiko: nyehhh why does she gotta volunteer me to do this.. so tiring
Shirogane Tsumugi: finally!! a line from himiko that isnt ooc
Ouma Kokichi: shut up fanfic freak
Shirogane Tsumugi: but ooc-ness isnt only fanfic related >_<
Ouma Kokichi: who
Shirogane Tsumugi: ?
Ouma Kokichi: asked
Saihara Shuichi: man you really walked right into that one…
Shirogane Tsumugi: yeahhh i feel dumb
Ouma Kokichi: that’s cause you are ^-^
Ouma Kokichi: anyways, since tenko is soooo insistent that himiko “performs the summoning spell” i leave the stage to her
Yumeno Himiko: nyeh.. my mp reserve has just enough for this complex spell called…
Yumeno Himiko: @everyone
Chabashira Tenko: WOW HIMIKO’S MAGIC IS SO COOL :D
Yumeno Himiko: nyehh you guys owe me
Ouma Kokichi: yeah sure whateves
Ouma Kokichi: also, just for good measure
Ouma Kokichi: @Gokkuhara Gonta @Yonaga Angie @Tojo Kirumi
Gokkuhara Gonta, Yonaga Angie, and Tojo Kirumi are online
Gokkuhara Gonta: hello friends!
Yonaga Angie: Angie would like to know why we’ve been summoned! nya haha
Tojo Kirumi: I am interested as well
Ouma Kokichi: ok, I know u guys want to know
Ouma Kokichi: you don't all have to say it
Yumeno Himiko: im too tired for this
Hoshi Ryoma: same
Ouma Kokichi: shut
Amami Rantaro: Wait why does succi still have admin rights?
Saihara Shuichi: who?
Akamatsu Kaede: that u
Saihara Shuichi: pls no why
Amami Rantaro: succi
Akamatsu Kaede: succi
Hoshi Ryoma: succi
Yonaga Angie: succi ^<^
pussy: SUCCI
Gokkuhara Gonta: succi!
Momota Kaito: succi
Shirogane Tsumugi: succi
Ouma Kokichi changed Saihara Shuichi's name to succi
succi: why
Momota Kaito: succi
Momota Kaito: u have the power to free us
succi: ???
succi: oh, the admin rights?
Ouma Kokichi: pls bb, no
Yonaga Angie: Atua wills u to give us our rights back
succi: ...
Akamatsu Kaede: pls, Saihara Shuichi
Yumeno Himiko: oh shit, breaking out the full name
succi: ...
succi: ...nah
Shirogane Tsumugi: bETRAYED BY THE DETECTIVE
Ouma Kokichi: damn, I didn't think that would work thanks babe
pussy: GIVE US OUR ADMIN RIGHTS BACK YA FUCKIN VIRGIN
Ouma Kokichi: oh, he's not a virgin. I would know ;)
succi left the chat
Ouma Kokichi added succi to the chat
Ouma Kokichi: NOBODY FUCKING LEAVES MY GROUP CHAT
Akamatsu Kaede: isn't this my chat?
Ouma Kokichi: not anymore bitch
Harukawa Maki: do u wanna die?
Shirogane Tsumugi: that's all u ever say. Why don't u spice it up a little?
Harukawa Maki: fine
Harukawa Maki: I will not hesitate to kill u then myself
succi: same
Hoshi Ryoma: same
Ouma Kokichi: same
succi: bro’s acting like he’s not a closet pacifist
Momota Kaito: also. u can't relate to an insult directed at u, dipshit
Ouma Kokichi: watch me
Ouma Kokichi: and stfu shumai ur ruining my cool bad boy image
Ouma Kokichi: i could have homicidal inclinations. u dont know me
Harukawa Maki: the only “cidal” u are is suicidal
Ouma Kokichi: awe is that a compliment from my dear harumaki-chan? *bats eyelashes*
Harukawa Maki: die
Akamatsu Kaede: once again
Akamatsu Kaede: c o n c e r n
Amami Rantaro: also, who tf takes being called suicidal as a compliment??
Ouma Kokichi: me bitch ;3
Gokkurhara Gonta: Gonta doesn't want friends to die! If friends ever feel sad or have problems, Gonta will listen. Gonta may not understand, but Gonta loves all of his friends!
Harukawa Maki: that was...
Harukawa Maki: surprisingly positive and helpful
Akamatsu Kaede: this is why Gonta is the best boy
Tojo Kirumi: Protect him at all costs
Ouma Kokichi: GONTA IS THE BEST BOY WE CAN ALL AGREE
Ouma Kokichi: BUT PLEASE STOP CHANGING THE SUBJECT
Ouma Kokichi: I WANT TO DO SOMETHING
succi: do it bb
Ouma Kokichi: thanks bb
succi: np bb
Ouma Kokichi: ily bb
succi: ily2 bb
Yumeno Himiko: ha GAY
succi: takes one to know one
Amami Rantaro: holy shit
Momota Kaito: succi coming through with the counterattacks
Chabarshia Tenko: YOU DEGENERATE MALES, HIMIKO IS MINE *HISSS*
Yumeno Himiko: ...
Chabarshia Tenko: RIGHT HIMIKO????
Yumeno Himiko: ...eh, sure
Yumemo Himiko: why not
Chabarshia Tenko: A BIT UNCERTAIN, BUT TENKO WILL TAKE IT ^3^
succi: PARDON ME
succi: MY BF WANTS TO DO SOMETHING
Yumeno Himiko: I've said it before, and I'll say it again
Yumeno Himiko: GAYYYY
Ouma Kokichi: n o u
Yumeno Himiko: sdfrssssdrfaazfsa
Amami Rantaro: HOLY SHIT HIMIKO JUST GOT FUCKING DESTROYED
pussy: GET FUCKED
Shirogane Tsumugi: otp prompt: ur ship is a power couple who makes excellent comebacks for the other
Ouma Kokichi: K THAT'S GREAT
Ouma Kokichi: BUT CAN YOU ALL SHUT UP
Shinguji Korekiyo: no
~5 mins later~
Hoshi Ryoma: Holy shit Ouma's been typing for 5 mins
Ouma Kokichi: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare, and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision, the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak, I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA, and your IP is being traced right now, so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
Ouma Kokichi: DONT FUCK WITH ME I HAVE THE POWER OF ATUA AND ANIME ON MY SIDE AHHHHH
Yonaga Angie: u don't have atua
Shirogane Tsumugi: and u don't have anime
Harukawa Maki: apparently he only has the power of outdated meme references
Ouma Kokichi: DONT FUCK WITH ME I HAVE GHE POWER OF SUCCI SAIHARA ON MY SIDE AHHHHH
Ouma Kokichi: DO IT SUCCI
succi muted Shinguji Korekiyo, Yonaga Angie, Harukawa Maki, and Shirogane Tsumugi
succi: now whoever else interrupts my bf will also be dealt with :)
Amami Rantaro: that smiley face was tinted with murderous intent
succi muted Amami Rantaro
succi: :)
Ouma Kokichi: thanks babe
Ouma Kokichi: now since no one is gonna interrupt me and everyone's here I can start
pussy: WAIT KEEBS ISNT HERE YET
succi: :))))))
pussy: eep
Ouma Kokichi: but kiiboy isn't considered a person hahaha
K1-B0 is online
K1-B0: hey that's robophobic >:(
Ouma Kokichi: ha! I knew that would get u on now sit down and shut up
Ouma Kokichi: now I bet u are wondering why I called u here today
Ouma Kokichi: as u all can see I have removed ur admin rights, now that's not only because I want to rule tyrannically over the whole class with my beloved
Tojo Kirumi: I know that you don't want us to talk, however I thought that you would be interested to know that Shirogane has messaged me saying "otp" over 500 times. I'm not even joking
succi: :)
Ouma Kokichi: I did say that no one can talk, however
succi: :)?
Ouma Kokichi: since ur mom I'll let it slide
Ouma Kokichi: where was I?
Ouma Kokichi: oh yes, I'm gonna change your names
Ouma Kokichi: succi! Unmute them! I wanna see their reactions
succi: aight
succi unmuted Shinguji Korekiyo, Yonaga Angie, Shirogane Tsumugi, and Amami Rantaro
Amami Rantaro: I LIVE BITCHES, U THOUGHT I WAS GONE? CAST INTO THE FIRES OF THE ABYSS? WELL, I PROVED U WRONG! I WILL SURVIVE! U CAN NEVER DEFEAT ME!!!!!
succi muted Amami Rantaro
succi: don't think I only follow Kokichi's orders, I am my own person who has equal rule over this chat. I am no less cruel than my boyfriend and only follow some of his orders because I love him. Do not be mistaken, I will not hesitate b i t c h
succi unmuted Amami Rantaro
Ouma Kokichi: ly2 bb now let's get started
Momota Kaito: Holy fuck, what did I just witness
Akamatsu Kaede: do u ever regret making something? Cause I sure do
Shinguji Korekiyo: we were wrong from the start, oumasai are not humans but gods
Harukawa Maki: oumasai?
Yumeno Himiko: it's their ship name
Hoshi Ryoma: of course
Ouma Kokichi changed Amami Rantaro's name to rantar-yo
rantar-yo: ...
Momota Kaito: That's literally the worst username I've ever seen
Ouma Kokichi: I had a better one but since Amami was being a bad boy he didn't get the good one
pussy: kinky
Ouma Kokichi: shut
Yonaga Angie: Atua says that Ouma is lying~
succi: not it's true he wrote out a list in grape-scented glitter gel pens
Ouma Kokichi: Shuichiii stop exposing meeee :<
pussy: KiNkY
Ouma Kokichi changed Harukawa Maki's name to yo what's the scoop?
Ouma Kokichi changed Akamatsu Kaede's name to penist
Shirogane Tsumugi: otpotpotpotp
rantar-yo: when u type it like that it looks like ur saying pot pot pot
pussy: la mow
Ouma Kokichi: I'm giving all the couples matching names to satisfy our local shipper Shirogane
penist: dO YoU eVEr ReGrEt MaKiNg SomEThiNG? CaUSe i SurE dO
yo what's the scoop: this is why I'm depressed
Hoshi Ryoma: valid
Ouma Kokichi: shut it hoosh ur name is next
pussy: OMFG HOOSH ASFESXDE
Ouma Kokichi changed Hoshi Ryoma's name to hoosh
rantar-yo: asdadftyxs
Ouma Kokichi: IT WAS JUST A TYPO BUT HOOSH IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN THE OTHER NAME I HAD FOR HIM LMAOOO
Yumeno Himiko: oh yes I love hoosh great guy 11/10
hoosh: this is what I get for surviving this long
hoosh: a stupid username
Chabarshia Tenko: SHUT IT HOOKAH
rantar-yo: ...
Chabarshia Tenko: NO NO NO TENKO DIDNT MEAN THAT HOOSH AUTOCORRECTED
Momota Kaito: im dying scoob
Yumeno Himiko: hookah
Yumeno Himiko: a fuck up of a fuck up
hoosh: yes I am a fuck up
succi: we're all fuck ups tbh
Ouma Kokichi changed hoosh's name to hookah
Momota Kaito: im dead scoob
hookah: kms
Ouma Kokichi: press F to pay respects
Ouma Kokichi: F
succi: F
Yumeno Himiko: F
Momota Kaito: F
rantar-yo: F
pussy: F
Shirogane Tsumugi: F
hookah: F
pussy: u can't pay respects to urself wtf
penist: u can, it's called self-love
hookah: self-love? more like self-loathing eyo eyo eyo
Ouma Kokichi: eyyyyyy
yo what's the scoop?: eyo B)
succi: eyyyyoooo
rantar-yo: how many damn people in this chat are depressed
succi: yes
Ouma Kokichi changed Tojo Kirumi's name to mom
Shinguji Korekiyo: isn't that name kinda boring compared to the others?
pussy: Noah fence but I agree
Ouma Kokichi: I thought that mama kirumi would appreciate it cause it's simple and practical like her
Ouma Kokichi: plus it's accurate
mom: thank you kokichi I appreciate it
Ouma Kokichi: yeah I'm only being this nice cause I don't want a rebellion against me
succi: don't you mean because you crave attention and are desperate for affection
Ouma Kokichi: shut
Ouma Kokichi changed succi's name to succi a dick
Ouma Kokichi: UP
pussy: LMAOOOOOOO
succi a dick: ly2 babe
yo what's the scoop?: why am I even here again?
penist: cause this was my group chat before the enemy seized control
Ouma Kokichi changed Yonaga Angie's name to Jesus didn't die for this
Jesus didn't die for this changed their name to Atua didn't die for this
Atua didn't die for this: y'all are going to h-e-double hockey sticks :D nya ha ha ha!
rantar-yo: wtf none of us have admin rights how did she do this
Atua didn't die for this: Atua did this :3
Ouma Kokichi changed Chabarshia Tenko's name to stronk lesbean
Ouma Kokichi changed Yumeno Himiko's name to smol lesbean
smol lesbean: these...
smol lesbean: ...are actually kinda cute
stronk lesbean: OMG HIMIKO WE HAVE MATCHING NAMES THESE ARE SO CUTEEEEE
Ouma Kokichi: :") thank
Ouma Kokichi changed Shinguji Korekiyo's name to Kore-kill urself
Ouma Kokichi: Kiyo's kinda a cryptid so I didn't have much to work with
Kore-kill urself: sigh
Kore-kill urself: at least u didn't do anything about minions or incest
rantar-yo: hey kiyo what do u do in ur free time
Ouma Kokichi changed Gokkuhara Gonta's name to best boi
mom: Gonta is the best boy must protect
best boi: thank you, friends! I hope this will help Gonta on his path to becoming a true gentleman
penist: whoever objects to Gonta being the best boy 1v1 me irl I'll fight u step up binch
best boi: Please do not hurt anyone on Gonta's behalf!
Ouma Kokichi: so pure
Ouma Kokichi changed succi a dick's name to Is this real life?
Ouma Kokichi changed their name to Or is this just Panta-sea?
Or is this just Panta-sea: succi was so good but I wanted matching names
Momota Kaito: Ur names? What do they mean???
Or is this just Panta-sea changes Momota Kaito's name to uNCULTURED SPACE SLUT
uNCULTURED SPACE SLUT: but what do ur names mean?
Is this real life?: HOW TF DONT U KNOW BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY?!?!??
uNCULTURED SPACE SLUT was kicked from the chat by Is this real life?
pussy: LMAO
K1-B0: even I know what Bohemian Rhapsody is
best boi: Gonta does too!
yo what's the scoop?: smfh Kaito smfh
Is this real life?: also, Kokichi, i love bohemian rhapsody, but can we make our names shorter?
smol lesbean: they are tiring to read
Or is this just Panta-sea: yee
Or is this just Panta-sea changed their name to Panta-sea
Panta-sea changed Is this real life?'s name to real life?
real life?: it's so vague I love it
Shirogane Tsumugi: it's my turn! Do me! Do meee!
Panta-sea: sorry smoogs, I can't do u, I'm a married man ;/
Panta-sea changed Shirogane Tsumugi's name to smoogi the pathetic shipper
smoogi the pathetic shipper: this is bullshit of the highest degree
Panta-sea: np ;p
Panta-sea changed K1-B0 's name to toaster dick
toaster dick: ???
Panta-sea: ya know that thing that's like instructions unclear, got my dick stuck in a toaster? That's a reference to that
toaster dick: and how does that apply to me???
Panta-sea: weeeelllllllllll
Panta-sea: if you can confirm whether or not u have a dick.. i may change ur name ;)
toaster dick: robophobia! screenshotted and reported
penist: dO YOU EVER REGRET MAKING SOMETHING? CAUSE I SURE DO
Panta-sea: :/// wow
mom: if all the name-changing is done, I would advise everyone to go to bed
Panta-sea: awww ok~ goodnight mom (succi already fell asleep)
Panta-sea went offline
real life? went offline
pussy: but I don't wanna go to sleeeeep
hookah: if Iruma is staying up, I'm outta here
hookah went offline
Kore-kill urself: I will have to agree with Hoshi on this
Kore-kill urself went offline
smol lesbean: same
smol lesbean went offline
stronk lesbean: WELL IF HIMIKO IS GOING TO BED THEN SO WILL TENKO
stronk lesbean went offline
rantar-yo: oof even Tenko our local raging lesbian™️ left u Iruma
pussy: SHUT UP YA AVOCADO FUCKER
rantar-yo: I don't fuck avocados
mom: then why are all my avocados going missing from the kitchen
rantar-yo went offline
penist: oh god does Amani actually fuck avocados
yo what's the scoop?: honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he does
Atua didn't die for this: you're all going to hell~ >o<
Atua didn't die for this went offline
toaster dick went offline
penist went offline
yo what's the scoop went offline
pussy: wow Keebs didn't even say anything he just left
pussy: r00d
pussy: now WHO TF am I gonna stay up with
mom: u can stay up with me :)
pussy went offline
mom: that's what I thought sweetie :))))
mom went offline