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Stephanie and Jason loved drama: they lived and breathed to cause chaos. Dick himself had said on numerous occasions that they exist only to torture any and every person around them at any given time. Bruce would always defend them, but perhaps he should not have. In fact, the amount of regret he feels right now is unparalleled. He should have taken Tim's advice and formally introduced his family to his colleagues before they took matters into their own hands.
Alas, it was too late. There was nothing he could do now but hang his head in shame and embrace the mayhem.
_
1 week before The Incident
Wonder woman and superman had been discussing a get together of sorts between various vigilante and heroes as a way for everyone to work on their interpersonal skills with others of different backgrounds. It was an idea with much merit, even Batman had been on board. And then Barry added in, "Does that mean you'll finally introduce us to all the mystery masks that you refuse to admit exist in Gotham?"
Batman glared at the Flash and only responded with a grunt.
The conversation then focused on something else.
At the same time, in the Batcave.
Tim knew that he should not be listening in on JL meetings, but he was only doing so because he was already updating the network. It would be more efficient if he was there in person, but Bruce was to paranoid to allow that. So he settled with listening and observing from his monitor.
-
3 days before The Incident
Bruce gathered all his children to inform them of some very important news regarding their secret identities. He made it clear to all of them that revealing his identity would also reveal theirs and it would create a liability for the family as a whole. On the flip side, it would allow them to be honest with their friends in the hero community and forge stronger bonds. In the end, the decision to reveal all their identities to all their respective allies was unanimous. Sitting through the powerpoint explaining what to do and what not to do when approaching the subject was not; Bruce forced the whole family to sit for an hour for it.
-
The Incident
Tim was finally finished updating the new JL software. It had taken forever between setting up the hardware orders and discreetly getting everything in place at the Watchtower when it was empty, but he had finally done it. This called for some celebratory coffee-
"Hey Timbo, watcha up to?" The sound of Jason's voice cut off his train of thought.
"Just finished up the latest Watchtower update and I'm about to go enjoy a coffee reward for a job well done,"
Stephanie had arrived at some point with Cass in tow and decided this was a good time to pipe in, "Nope," popping the p, "No more coffee for you Tim, you already had your max for the day."
Cass nodded silently in agreement while Tim pouted and tried giving his 3 siblings puppy dog eyes, hoping at least one would break.
Jason sighed, "Give it up Replacement, we ain't gonna give ya coffee," then he smirked, "But Alfred is out and Bruce's liquor cabinet is ripe for the taking."
Steph had an evil grin at this point, and although Tim would have preferred coffee, he let them convince him that alcohol was just as good of a celebratory drink.
In the whole commotion, Tim forgot to turn off the surveillance program he had just updated in the Watchtower.
About an hour or so later, the three of them returned to the Batcave. Although inebriated, they were clearly able to hear and see what went on in the JL meeting that had begun by that point. Unfortunately, the walked in when the following was taking place:
Green Lantern was saying, "Look, Spooky, let me get this straight and don't get me wrong, we are all very happy that you agreed to tell us who you are, but what difference will it a month make? Tell us now or tell us later, you're gonna tell us who you are either way."
He looked around the table for confirmation, "Right?"
Batman responded in an even voice, "There are matters I must handle in my civilian identity before I can reveal it."
Jason had some thoughts about that, "He cannot be serious," burps and keeps going, "He literally made us sit through the ID reveal powerpoint when we agreed to this and now he is chickenin out?"
Steph let out a yell of indignation and then turned to Tim, "I'm suiting up," then pointed at a camera, "Get me on a video call with those cos-playing superpowered ding-dongs." She giggled at her own insult while a drunk Tim got started on the connection.
Jason had gotten suited up as well, intent on joining Steph on whatever hell she was about to rain down on Bruce. Tim, on the other hand knew that, realistically, this was a bad idea. His brain was fuzzy however, and he felt happy. No, happy was not the right word, he felt like he was riding on a computer colored unicorn. In other words, Tim was a lightweight that was just intelligent enough in his drunk state to call the Watchtower before passing out and taking a nap on the floor of the Batcave.
In the Watchtower, the members of the Justice League were surprised with an incoming communication request from Batman, mostly because Batman was right in front of them. Their shock only grew when upon answering they were greeted by a crime lord and a teenage girl in a purple hero/villain suit.
They both spoke at the same time, "So that's how you get him to sleep."
"Batman is a bloody hypocrite."
Batman's response was even stranger, "Have you two been drinking?"
The girl looked offended, "How dare you! I have never in my life done anything of the sort-" She was cut off by her own burp and then started giggling while being whisked away by a shadow."
The Red Hood jumped in and said, "Leave it to blondie to jump ship on her own plan," He stumbled, pointed to the screen angrily and said, "You, old man, are a freakin hypocrite. Making us sit through the god-awful powerpoints and then takin the cowards way out -"
Batman cut him off, "Are you drunk right now?" before Hood could answer he asked a second question, "Why is Tim taking a nap on the floor? Oh God, did you give him booze?!"
Batman was starting to sound frantic, something that his team-mates had never witnessed before. This meeting would definitely go down in history.
"First of all old man, if Timberly is old enough to have a death wish, then Timbo is old enough to enjoy one of life's exquisite pleasures." He took off his helmet to reveal a red domino mask, shaped like a bat, "Second of all, I swear upon my grave that I am not drunk and that you are not Bruce Wayne."
He burped as all eyes in the meeting room turned to Batman and then continued on his rant, "And that your excuse for not telling them your secret identity is that you have literally screwed almost all of them at some point or another and wanted to tell them one on one so they wouldn't gang up on you!"
The screen then cuts to black as the connection ends.
Batman just put his forehead on the table as the entire room he was filled with yelling and demands for an explanation.
The official JL meeting may be over, but the unofficial Meeting so Grill the Batman was just getting started.