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Chapter Text

DEAN'S POV.

It had been nearly 3 months since Sam and Dean had defeated Chuck and saved the world. 3 months since Jack became God and went to heaven, to maintain order in the universe. 3 months since they had lost their best friend, Castiel. Well, 3 months, 4 days, 10 hours, and 24 minutes, not that Dean was keeping track.

After everything that happened, after losing Cass, Dean tried to focus only on hunting. 'Saving people, hunting things, the family business' you know that line. He and Sam both tried to continue on with our lives, despite everyone they had lost.

However, it wasn't nearly as easy for Dean as it seemed to be for Sam. A fellow hunter, Eileen Leahy, A.K.A. Sam's girlfriend, had recently started staying at the bunker, occasionally helping them with cases. Sam and Eileen we're starting to build a real relationship. Dean would sometimes walk in on them making out. He didn't want to feel bitter about it, he wanted to be happy for Sam, that he had finally found someone to share his life with. Someone to love. And yet, seeing Sam have so much just reminded Dean of everything he had lost. Everything he could have had.

Dean was sitting in his room watching videos on his laptop. Not porn. He couldn't stand to watch that too much anymore. Then suddenly, he was greeted by a friendly, and furry face. The face of his shaggy dog, Miracle.

"Hey, boy." He greets Miracle, petting him on his head. Dean shuts his laptop and puts it to the side so Miracle could come over to his lap. "Yeah, you're a good boy, aren't you?" He says as he scratches the dog's ears. Miracle rested his head on Dean's lap, looking up at him with soulful eyes, almost like he could see the real sorrow that was in Dean's heart, despite the bravery he had tried to paint over it.

Dean realized he had cooped himself up in the bunker for too long. After giving Miracle one last scratch on the chin, Dean gets up and starts to put on some clean clothes so he can go out to a bar and maybe meet someone.

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SAM'S POV.

Sam was in the bunkers' kitchen, cooking a lasagna dinner with Eileen. He was wondering, or rather hoping, that Dean would come out soon and eat with them. After Cass's death, Dean had hardly left his room. The only times he ever came out was to go get beer, or go out on a hunt. He hardly ever ate, even his own favorite foods. Sam would occasionally bring stuff to his room if he thought he needed something.

Sam knew about what happened to Cass, or at least part of it. He remembered what Dean had told him and Jack about when they were trapped in the dungeon, and Billie was coming to kill them, and how Cass summoned The Empty and it took both him and Billie away. Sam knew he didn't have the full story, but he didn't press it any further, because he could tell it was too much for Dean to deal with. He figured that if he gave Dean enough space that maybe, just maybe, he would eventually come out and tell Sam what happened.

Sam knew that Dean was in pain. They had lost loved ones before. They had lost Cass before, but this.... this was different. Now they knew that his death was potentially permanent. Being in The Empty forever. Knowing that they probably would never see him again, not even when they went to heaven. It hurt Sam deeply, but Dean.... Dean was beyond broken.

As he stood in front of the oven, watching the lasagna cook, Sam heard footsteps coming from down the hall. He turned around and noticed Dean standing in the doorway, wearing fresh clean clothes and looking like he had recently shaved. Eileen who was sitting at the table noticed Sam turned around and she turned with him to look at Dean as well.

"Hi Dean." She greeted him with a friendly smile.

Dean somewhat smiles back at her as he answers. "Hey Eileen. Sammy."

"Hey." Sam answers, feeling hopeful. "Uh, We just made lasagna. I mean, it's still cooking, but it should be done in about 8 minutes. You want some?"

"Tempting, but I'm heading out. Why don't you save me a piece?" Dean says.

Before Dean can turn away and leave, Sam takes a step forward. "Whoa, Dean, wait a minute. Where are you going?"

"I figured I'd go hit a bar, see if I can get lucky. You guys enjoy your Samleen time." He says with a weak smile.

Aside from the weird combination he had given his and Eileen's names, Sam couldn't help but notice Dean's very nonchalant attitude. It was like he was trying to sound better than he actually was. Sam knew it was a facade, he knew Dean was still trying to cover up his pain. He'd already done plenty of that with alcohol, now he was just trying to add women to the mix.

Before Sam could say anything else, Dean made his way down the hall towards the staircase and out the bunker door.

"Hey." Eileen calls out to Sam, clearly noticing the look of despair in his eyes. "At least he's leaving the bunker for something other than a hunt. That's progress."

Sam wished he could indulge in her optimism, but he couldn't. "I don't know," he says half-heartedly. "Feels more like a 'one step forward-three steps back' kind of deal. I don't know what to do for him anymore, Eileen."

Eileen stands up and comes over to Sam and comfortingly places her hands on his shoulders. "You're already doing everything you can, Sam. You're being the best brother he could ever ask for."

Sam wasn't sure he believed that. "I just wish I could do more, you know? I just wish-- I wish he would talk to me."

"He will, when he's ready."

"It's been 3 months, Eileen." Sam felt so hopeless, so powerless. He wanted to help Dean so badly, and he didn't know how.

Eileen wraps her arms around the back of Sam's neck, pulling him close to her. "Hey. Don't give up, okay? You of all people know how closed off Dean can be. If there's anyone he'll open up to, it's you. And knowing you, I know you'll be there for him when he's ready."

Sam couldn't help but muster up a small smile at how much faith Eileen had in him. Even though he didn't have much confidence in himself, it was comforting to know that she did. He bends down to give her a small peck on the lips. "I love you." He says, still smiling.

She kisses him back and then backs away to say, "Love you, too."

They stare at each other for a good few seconds, love and compassion reflecting in each other's eyes. After a few seconds more, Eileen clears her throat and speaks. "So, has the timer gone off yet. You know I can't tell, right?" She says as she casually points to her own ears.

Sam couldn't help but give a small chuckle at her making a deaf joke about herself. "No, not yet."

"Well, let me know when it does." She says as she makes her way to the doorway, headed for the library. Sam figures to probably do research. "I don't want to come back to find you eating all my lasagna."

A look of playful shock instantly spreads across Sam's face. "Oh, so it's 'your' lasagna? Funny, I thought we were gonna share."

Eileen too gets a playful look on her face. "That's just what I wanted you to think, so that I didn't have to do all the work." She says, all the while grinning as she leaves the room.

Sam couldn't deny the big smile that stretched across his face. He felt so lucky to have a girl like Eileen in his life. Someone to share with, laugh with, fall in love with. He almost forgot how much he missed all that. Sure, he did have his brother for the majority of his life, and that was comforting. But he also missed having someone he could truly be close to. Intimate with, not just physically, but emotionally. Spiritually. Ever since he lost Jessica all those years ago, Sam wasn't sure he would ever find a love like that again. But he did. And the one thing he hoped for the most was that maybe Dean would find someone like that, too. Sam knew that Dean deserved that. He deserved his happy ending.

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DEAN'S POV.

Dean drove to a bar just outside of Lebanon. Just in case his overbearing little brother came looking for him, he didn't want Sam to find him so easily. He knew that Sam was worried about him. But it started to get annoying after a little while. Dean was a big boy, he could handle himself. It's not like he's never dealt with grief before. Or loss. Or..... heartbreak.

Dean shook his head, trying to shake off all the stuff he didn't want to think about. He didn't want to think about what he had lost. He just wanted to get drunk, meet a hot chick, and have a fun night. He eventually finds the bar he was headed to. He had been there a few times before. As he once described it to Jack, it was low on class, but high on hook-up potential. He parks the Impala just outside the front doors. Gets out and walks in, headed straight for the counter.

Dean sits at the bar before a good 10 minutes, drinking his favorite whiskey. He looks around, contemplating the potential hookups in the room. There were some good looking women there. Beautiful, young, and a variety of hair colors. Blondes, brunettes, redheads. But none of them really stood out to him.

Then suddenly, he felt a gentle tapping on his shoulder. He turns around to see a woman, possibly early to mid 30s, standing before him. She had dark, almost black wavy hair, and stunning bright blue eyes. She also wore a tan colored pants suit and an indigo blue button-up shirt. There was something about this girl that reminded Dean of someone he knew, but he couldn't quite place it.

"Hello." She greets him with an awkward smile. "I hope I'm not intruding."

"No, no, uh,.... that's okay." Dean answers, feeling a little awkward himself.

The woman turns and points to a table where three other young-ish women were sitting. "You see my friends over there?" She asked. "Well, they noticed me staring at you. I told them that I thought you were kinda cute, so they dared me to come over here and talk to you."

Dean felt fairly flattered by that. And yet there was something about this girl that unsettled him. He didn't see her as a threat, there was just something about the way she looked that unsettled him, reminded him of someone else, but why couldn't he place it? He tried to shove it aside and raised his hand up to politely shake her hand.

"Well, it's nice to meet you." He smiles at her. "I'm Dean."

She reaches her hand up to shake his. "Cassandra." She smiles back as she introduces herself. "But all my friends call me 'Cass'."

That right there caused Dean to freeze in place. In that instant, he felt like his heart shattered into a million pieces. Dean finally realized why she looked so familiar, she was basically the girl version of Castiel! His Cass!

This lady was beautiful, kind, and probably very do-able, and yet, the idea of letting anything happen with her made Dean's stomach turn inside out. He couldn't stop his mind from going back to that day in the dungeon, hearing Cass's words play over and over again in his head like a broken record.

'I love you.'

'I love you.'

'I love you.'

Dean's head swam with different emotions. Anger, frustration, guilt, grief, sadness, all the things he had desperately tried to push away from his mind for so long after losing Cass. And finally, he heard his own voice echo in his head, saying something he didn't think he could say.

'I.....I love you, too.'

He suddenly felt Cassandra's hand on his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay?" She asked, looking genuinely concerned. Dean realized he probably had sat in place for a good 30 seconds if not longer.

Dean's stomach twisted as he stood up and stepped back away from the bar. "Look, um, Ca-- Cassandra." He starts, purposely avoiding using her nickname, because it was just too painful. "I'm sure you're a really nice girl, and I'm flattered that you like me, but... I just can't..... I recently lost someone. Someone very important to me. Someone that I didn't realize how much I cared for..... 'til I lost him." Dean's voice chokes and his eyes begin to water as he desperately tries to explain. "I just can't-- I'm sorry." Dean makes his way towards the front doors of the bar, getting out of there as fast as he could.

Before he exits, Dean looks back at her to notice that her concern on her face didn't wane, and her head slightly tilted and confusion. Another painful and not-so-subtle reminder of the one he had lost. Dean gets out of there, seemingly not fast enough.

Dean climbs into the driver's side of the Impala, getting ready to head for home. As he turns on the engine, the radio that was already switched on starts playing a Rascal Flatts song.

'What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away'

Dean could be no longer deny the tears that longed to flow down his face. As the song played, he felt his heart break even further.

'And never knowin'
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do'

Filled with utter frustration, Dean angrily shuts off the radio, not bearing to hear another lyric. He fiercely wipes the tears off his face as best he can, but more tears just flow out non-stop. Dean puts the car into gear, and nearly burns rubber as he pulls out of the parking lot and heads back to the bunker.

Chapter Text

SAM'S POV.

It had been a little over half an hour since Dean had left the bunker, and Sam was already starting to feel worried. He could barely even touch the lasagna that he and Eileen had cooked.

Suddenly, Sam heard the bunker door open and close. He knew it had to be Dean because he and Eileen were still in the bunker, and he wasn't expecting anybody else to come. He wondered why Dean was back so soon. Usually, when Dean went out to meet girls, Sam wouldn't even have to think about waiting up for him. And even if he struck out with the first girl he hit on, he'd still keep trying. Something wasn't right.

Sam left the kitchen and greeted Dean at the bottom of the staircase. "Hey."

Sam stopped in his tracks as he took a good long look at his brother. Dean's eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were flushed and streaked with dried up tears. He also noticed Dean carrying a brown paper bag with a couple of tall bottles of hard liquor inside.

"Dean, is something wrong? What happened?" Sam asked, thoroughly worried.

"Nothing! I'm fine!" Dean answered angrily. He rushes past Sam and continues to walk down the hall, straight to his bedroom. Sam could tell that he was anything but fine. Dean had clearly been crying.

Sam tries to catch up with him. "Dean, come on man. Why won't you just talk to me?"

"I said I'm fine Sam, NOW DROP IT!!!!" Dean shouts at the top of his lungs before opening his bedroom door, slamming it shut behind him so forcefully that it causes Sam to jump back a little. If there was ever a time that Dean was ready to talk, this was definitely not one of them. Sam remembered what Eileen said, about how he should give Dean more time. That he would talk to Sam when he was ready. The big question was 'When?'.

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SAM'S POV.

Sometime around midnight, Sam laid on his back in his bed, Eileen cuddled up next to him, sound asleep. Sam desperately tried to close his eyes, but he just couldn't. He was too worried about Dean. Not able to satisfy the restlessness in his mind, Sam gets up out of bed, carefully trying not to disturb Eileen. After he steps off onto the floor, he makes his way towards his bedroom door and out into the hall.

He makes his way down the hall towards Dean's room. When he gets there he sees something he does not expect to see. Their dog, Miracle, was sitting right outside Dean's door, gently scratching at the door with his paw, whining occasionally. This was weird, because Sam knew that whenever Dean went to bed he would usually have Miracle in the room with him. Dean would never just leave his dog out in the hall all night.

Sam whistles over to him. "Hey, Miracle? Come here, boy."

Miracle timidly walks over towards him, still whining. Sam squats down and begins to pet him comfortingly, while noticing the sad look in Miracle's eyes, like he was wondering why his master wouldn't open the door for him.

"Hey, it's okay, buddy." Sam speaks softly as he continues to pet the dog. "I'll figure out what's going on. Don't worry."

Almost as if the dog could understand him, Miracle starts to make his way down the hall away from Dean's door. Sam grunts as he stands up off the floor and cautiously reaches out for the doorknob. But then thinks better of it and decides to knock first.

"Hey, Dean? Are you awake?" He calls out through the door. At first he doesn't get an answer, but as he presses his ear against the door to listen, he hears the distinct sound of liquid being chugged out of a glass bottle and then being firmly placed back on the floor. Then he hears what sounds like a hiccup.

Sam was afraid of what he was going to find beyond that door, but he knew he couldn't just stand there. "Dean, I'm coming in." He announces as a cautiously grabs ahold of the doorknob and slowly turns it until it clicks open. As he enters the room, Sam sees that the lights were out, except for one lamp with dim lighting sat on Dean's nightstand on the right side of his bed. Just on the floor, beside that nightstand in the very corner of the room, sat a very drunk Dean Winchester, dressed in a T-shirt and boxer shorts. His head was propped up against the wall, while he chugged down on a half drunken bottle of tequila, spilling a little bit down his chest as he lazily pulled it away from his lips and plopped it down on the floor. Sam looked down by Dean's feet and noticed that the other bottle of liquor he had was completely empty. There were also a couple of extra empty beer bottles lying on the floor that Sam didn't know Dean had.

"Hey S'mmy." Dean's words slurred as he looked up and noticed his little brother standing in the room with him.

Sam couldn't stand to see his brother like this. Dean had never drunken this much before all at once, not even when they lost a loved one. Like when they had lost Dad, or Mom, or....... Sam couldn't even begin to list all the people they had lost without crawling into a bottle himself. But even for Dean, this was a little extreme.

Sam comes closer and tries to take what's left of the tequila away from his brother. "Come on, Dean, that's enough."

" 'ss mine. Go get your own." Dean slurs as he pulls the bottle close to his chest.

"Dean, I mean it, stop. You're going to give yourself alcohol poisoning."

"Do I look like I give a flying crap?!" Dean spits at him. "'Cuz I don't, Sammy. I don't!"

Not knowing what else to do, Sam sits down on the floor in front of Dean. "Why, Dean? Why are you doing this to yourself? You're always drinking, you're barely eating, and you've hardly left the bunker except for hunts! You're running yourself ragged and you're hurting yourself! You can't just expect me to sit here and do nothing! Why won't you--" Sam takes in a quick deep breath, and lowers his voice as he tries to ask the same question he asked him before. "Why won't you just talk to me?"

Dean raises his head away from the wall, his drowsy eyelids fighting to stay open as he looks directly at Sam. "What's there to talk about, S'mmy? You think 'talking' is gonna... 'fix me'? Fix my head? You think that 'TALKING' is gonna bring Cass back?! Hell no, it ain't!!"

And that's what it all came down to. Cass. Dean was still clearly grieving over him, and Sam couldn't blame him. "Look Dean, I know you miss him. I get it. I miss him, too. But you can't just--"

Before Sam could finish his sentence, Dean takes the tequila bottle that was still in his hand, and angrily throws it across the room, causing it to hit the wall. Glass shattered everywhere, and the booze splashed onto the wall and floor.

Pure rage erupted from Dean's throat as he looked at his brother with piercing pain in his eyes. Pointing his swaying finger fiercely at Sam's face. "Don't you DARE... tell me that you get it, Sam!! YOU DON'T GET JACK-SQUAT!!!!"

Seeing the pain and rage that practically pulsed from Dean truly terrified Sam. There was something going on that Dean wasn't talking about. Something about Cass. Sam had to know the truth. "Look, I have given you your space. Given you time to grieve on your own terms. Not pressing things. But Dean..... You can't keep doing this to yourself. Keeping it all in, it's not good for you. I can see that it is tearing you apart, and you won't talk to me. Dean, please.... tell me what really happened... that day that Cass died?"

Dean leaned back against the wall his head laid back in absolute defeat. "It doesn't matter anymore....." He says, his voice slightly whining as he slowly shakes his head.

Sam comes closer and tries to look his brother in the eye. "Yes, it does. It matters to me."

Dean's booze riddled face stared blankly ahead as he slowly started to explain. " 'member back when Jack got s'ck and died?" Dean started, still slurring his words. " 'pparently Cass made some kind of deal with The Empty. His life for the kids'."

"What?" Sam asked.

"But The Empty didn't wanna take him yet. No..... Not till he had had a moment of 'true happiness'."

Now Sam was thoroughly confused. He remembered how Dean had explained before that Billie was coming to kill them. "That doesn't make any sense. You guys were literally at Death's door. How could Cass possibly have been happy?"

Dean still had a faraway look in his eyes. "'Happiness isn't in the having. It's just being. It's in just saying it.'"

"What?" Sam's eyebrows squinted with confusion.

Dean continues to try and explain. "That's what the dumbass said to me, before....."

Despite his drunken state, Dean tries to sit up straight and explain even further. "He went on and gave me this big speech.... about how I was so full of love. How I fought for the whole freakin' world for love. How he thought I was caring, selfless, and loving. How I changed him. All the while, having that stupid smile on his face."

Sam felt great empathy for the pain that came out through Dean's voice.

"And then he--" Dean's voice started to choke as he kept going. "He said-- he said he loved me. And this.... this wasn't like 'friendship' love, or 'brotherly' love, this was 'love' love. That stupid idiot was in love with me!" Tears started to fall from Dean's eyes as he went on. "Why? Why me?! Out of all the sorry sons-of-bitches on this planet, why me?!"

And with that said, Sam finally started to understand. Cass had admitted to having feelings for Dean. Sam had always known that Cass had strong feelings for him, since he had once described their relationship as a 'profound bond'. Sam had suspected that Cass had romantic feelings for Dean, but he didn't think anything would ever happen, especially since he wasn't sure how Dean felt.

"And y'u wanna know what I said, Sammy?" Dean asked sounding so hurt. "I said 'Don't do this, Cass.' That's all I said. 'Don't do th's, Cass'. How could I say that? How could I not tell him.....?"

"Tell him what, Dean?" Sam asked.

"I.....". Dean's voice broke into pathetic sobs. "That I.... I loved him, too."

And just like the last piece of a puzzle being put into place, Sam finally got the whole picture. This was why Dean was so broken up, why he couldn't talk about what had happened. Because he had not yet fully come to terms with his feelings..... until now.

Dean sways as he looks up at the ceiling and starts shouting, not even acknowledging Sam's presents anymore. "You hear me you RAT BASTARD!! I LOVE YOU, TOO!! How could you do that to me?!! How could you just drop a bombshell like that on me and just die?!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME, CASS?!!! You said the one th'ng-- thing that you wanted was something you knew you couldn't have!! You could have had me, Cass!! YOU COULD HAVE HAD ME!!!"

Dean's crying gets harder and harder as he starts to fall forward. Sam quickly scoots in closer so that Dean's head can fall into his lap. Dean cries and hiccups as he rests on his little brother. Sam begins to stroke the side of Dean's arm in a comforting motion. "It's okay, Dean. It's okay."

"I thought I could do it, Sammy." Dean says in between sobs. "I thought I could keep going, keep fighting, keep living. 'Cuz I knew it's what he would have wanted for me. But I can't.... I just can't... I need him. I need him back..."

Sam couldn't remember if he had ever seen Dean so broken and so vulnerable before. It broke his heart to see his big brother so hurt. Growing up, Sam was always used to Dean being so strong, so guarded. But now, to see him with his guard completely broken down, it was earth-shattering. He had wanted him to be more open and to express his feelings, but like this. It brought tears to Sam's eyes to see Dean in such emotional pain.

Sam continued to hold his brother in his lap, while rubbing his arm with one hand, and stroking his hair with the other. "It's okay, Dean." He says in a comforting tone. "It's gonna be okay."

At some point Dean's tense muscles started to relax, and his crying evolved into snoring. Dean had finally passed out. Sam realized he needed to get him to his bed. He gently lifts Dean into an upright position so he can put his hands under Dean's arms. He half drags, half carries him to the bed. It only took like three seconds. Once there, Sam lets go of Dean just for a moment so he can come around to his front. He once again, reaches under Dean's arms, and with all his strength, picks his dead-weight brother off the floor and puts him on his bed.

Once Dean is completely on the bed, Sam reaches down for his blanket and pulls it over his big brother's body, slightly tucking him in. Sam grabs a trash bin on the other side of the room and sets it down next to Dean on the side of the bed, just in case he felt like hurling when he woke up. And he picks the beer bottles up off the floor, and even takes a dustpan and scoops up the broken pieces of glass from the bottle that Dean had thrown at the wall. Once he disposed of the bottles and glass, Sam takes one last look at his drunk-induced, comatose brother. Sam leaves the room and quietly shuts the bedroom door behind him, leaving Dean to hopefully sleep in peace.

Sam wasn't able to sleep before, and he surely wasn't going to now. He heads to the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge, then walks into the library and sits at the nearest table and starts to take slow sips. He intensely thought about everything that had just happened. Everything Dean had said. Cass loved Dean, and amazingly, Dean loved him back.

Sam thought about Cass's deal with The Empty. He shouldn't have had to go through that. He shouldn't have had to sacrifice his happiness like that. Cass deserved so much better, like Dean did. Sam thought long and hard about what his big brother and his surrogate brother had to go through. It wasn't fair. Neither of them deserved what happened to them. Sam was willing to bet that part of that was because of Chuck. Since he essentially wrote their story, toyed with their feelings, kept them all from getting what they wanted or deserved. But Chuck was gone now. They didn't have to worry about him messing with their lives anymore. In fact, there was a new God in town. One who undid all of Chuck's messes on Earth and in heaven. Maybe there was a chance he could fix this too. Sam believed that, he had to believe that, for his brother's sake. Both of his brothers.

Sam places his beer down on the table, slightly pushing it away from himself. He props his elbows on the table and puts his hands together, his fingers intertwined. And closes his eyes as he begins to pray.

"Jack?" He starts. "Hey. It's me. Sam."

Sam felt awkward doing this. He wasn't used to praying anymore. He remembered back when he was growing up, back before he learned the Angels were real, he still believed in them and used to pray all the time. This of course confused Dean, since back then he didn't believe in Angels, or God. And after they met real Angels, and learned what utter dicks they were, Sam didn't want to pray anymore. And if he ever did, it was usually to Cass, and even once to Jack. And praying to Jack again, now that he was God, it felt so nerve-racking. Sam wasn't even sure if Jack would hear him, or even answer him. But he had to try.

"Look, I, uh....". Sam starts nervously. "I know you're probably busy. What with maintaining the world, and all that. But... We need your help, Jack.... Dean needs your help. And Cass too.

"I know it's risky, and it's probably too much to ask, but..... Do you think.... maybe..... there's a way.... to bring Cass back?"

Sam slightly hesitates as he thinks about his next words. "Cass didn't deserve what happened to him. I know you know that. He didn't deserve to give up his happiness like that. And Dean..... Dean is dying on the inside. Cass's death... it broke him, beyond repair. He's given up, and I don't know what to do for him anymore." Sam's voice broke as he tried to keep going. "They didn't deserve this. Neither of them did. There has to-- there has to be a way we can fix all of this."

"There is." Sam was startled by the familiar voice suddenly sounded off right behind him. He quickly spun around see Jack standing in the room with him. "And like you said, it will be risky," Jack goes on. "but I think I finally figured out how to make it work."

"Jack?" Sam could hardly believe his eyes. He wasn't sure if Jack would actually answer his prayer. He certainly didn't think that he would come back down to Earth. But there he was, standing in the library, clear as day.

Jack raises his hand and waves in his classic hello fashion. "Hi, Sam." He says with a little smile on his face, which instantly shifts into a soft but serious look. "We have a lot to talk about."

Chapter Text

SAM'S POV.

Sam still couldn't believe what he was seeing, or rather who he was seeing, standing before him. Their kid, Jack. Without even thinking about it, Sam aimlessly walks towards him and wraps his arms around him. He feels Jack raise his arms around him, hugging him back. Sam couldn't help but smile at the fact that his kid was back home. He lets go of Jack and looks him right in the eye. "It's so good to see you again, Jack. We've missed you so much."

"I know." Jack replies. "I've missed you too, Sam. All of you."

Despite recent events, Sam couldn't stop the joy that radiated throughout his chest. He didn't think they would ever see Jack again, at least not on Earth. He couldn't have been happier to be proven wrong. Then as he notices the serious look on Jack's face, Sam straightens up, ready to listen.

"So, uh, (clears throat) you said we need to talk about something?"

"Yes." Jack answers. "About bringing Cass back."

"Can you do it?" Sam asked hopefully.

Jack bows his head in self-disappointment. "No. I've been trying to for weeks. But I can't."

That was not the answer Sam was expecting to get. "What? What do you mean?"

Jack looks up at Sam as he tries to explain. "Now that I'm God, I don't have any real influence over The Empty. I have tried to go in and get Cass out, but he won't listen to me."

"What do you mean 'he won't listen'?" Sam was completely bewildered.

"After Cass gave himself up to The Empty, I thought that he had gone into a deep sleep like before. But for some reason, he woke up again. And when he did, The Shadow woke up again, too. And it was not happy." Jack emphasizes the word 'not'.

Sam was listening carefully to every word Jack said, making sure he understood everything clearly. "So, what happened?"

"It took its anger out on Cass, that's what happened." Jack went on. "It started torturing him with his worst fears and greatest regrets. Causing him to eventually fall back into a nightmare sleep. Cass has been drowning in his own mind for weeks now. I've tried more than once to get him to wake up and come back with me, but he didn't believe I was real. He thought I was The Shadow trying to manipulate him again."

Sam felt his stomach turn inside out. He thought Cass was just in a deep, mindless sleep in The Empty, but to hear that he was actually being endlessly tortured?! Sam knew a thing or two about unbearable torture, no thanks to his time with Lucifer in the cage. It took every ounce of self-control Sam had not to slam his fist into a wall. His mind overflowed with anger over what could be happening to his best friend right now. But if Jack couldn't get Cass out, what were they going to do?

Sam started shaking his head in denial. "No, no, no. There's-- there's gotta be something we can do. There's gotta be some way we can get him outta there. Jack, has to be! We can't just leave him there to suffer!"

"Believe me, Sam, I want Cass out of there more than anything. But I can't do it. He won't listen to me!" Jack's voice sounded so full of despair. And yet there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "But, I think I know who he will listen to."

"Who?"

Jack looks Sam directly in the eye as he confidently gives him the name of the person who can rescue Castiel from The Empty.

"Dean."

-----------------

DEAN'S POV.

Dean's head throbbed with intense pain as he woke up in his bed. He didn't remember how he got into bed, but at least he wasn't on the cold hard floor. He tried his best to sit up from the bed, but his hangover made him feel dizzy and nauseous. He let himself collapse back on to his pillow. Dean didn't remember much from what happened the night before, and truth be told he didn't want to remember. He vaguely remembered Sam coming into the room with him and talking to him. He didn't remember what they had talked about. And he was in too much pain to care.

And suddenly, out of nowhere, a rush of instant relief crashed through Dean's body like a tsunami. It was almost ironically painful, how this massive pulse of relief just hit his mind and body so quickly. As the pulse receded, Dean sat up from his bed, completely dumbstruck. His headache, dizziness, and nausea were all gone. He looked down and also noticed that he was suddenly wearing a set of clean clothes, and his body was also clean, like he had just recently taken a shower.

And he also instantly remembered everything that had happened the night before. Going to the bar, meeting the weird Cass gender-swapped double, stopping by the liquor store on the way back to the bunker and grabbing some tequila, sitting in his room on the floor drinking non-stop, Sam coming into the room and talking to him about Cass. Oh, crap! He told him about that! He told Sam that he loved Cass! But that was just drunk-talk, it didn't mean anything. Did it? Yes. No! Maybe? Dean started to feel like he was getting a new headache to replace the one from his hangover.

"What the hell?" He wonders out loud, his mind swimming with confusion.

Suddenly, Dean heard a knocking sound coming from his bedroom door. He assumed it was Sam coming to check on him again.

"Not now, Sam." He lightly hollers across the room.

"Dean, it's me."

The voice that sounded from behind the door was definitely not Sam's. It almost sounded like.....

"Jack?" Dean asked in disbelief.

"Yes. May I come in?"

Dean wasn't sure if he really believed it was Jack. But it would explain the Cinderella cleanup job that he just went through. That relief that came over him a moment ago did remind him of that feeling of being healed, kinda like how Cass would heal him, only way more intense.

With a fair amount of caution, Dean finally answers. "Um... (Clears throat) Yeah, sure. Come on in."

Dean watches as his bedroom door slowly opens to reveal the former archangel-nephilim, now new God, Jack.

'Holy crap, it really is him!'. Dean thought in amazement. As Jack entered the room and closed the door behind him, Dean swung his legs around so that his feet touched the floor, and he stood up from his bed, meeting his kid at somewhat eye level.

"Hi, Dean." Jack greets him with a friendly smile.

Dean walks over towards him and gives Jack a big hug. He didn't think he'd ever see Jack again. With Jack being God now, he didn't think he'd ever come back to Earth. Dean didn't realize how much he had missed the kid, until now. Jack was the closest thing Dean had to a son, even though he knew Jack was still alive, unlike some others, it still felt like a great loss when he left. "It's good to see ya, kiddo." Dean says with his throat slightly tightened. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, Dean." Jack says as he hugs Dean back. As they let go of each other, Jack looks up into Dean's eyes. "Are you feeling better now?"

Dean starts to answer. "Yeah, actually I--". Then a thought occurs to him. "You cleaned me up, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. I figured you needed it. Sorry if I overstepped."

Dean shrugs his shoulders. "Nah, kid, it's cool. Thanks." He answers plainly. "At least I know you're still looking out for us."

"You guys have always looked out for me. It's the least I can do. Besides, I need you to be at your healthiest if we're going to get this done." Jack starts to open the bedroom door to leave.

Dean was taken aback by that curious line. "Get what done?" He asked.

Jack looks back at him and answers. "Maybe you should come with me to the library, that way we can all talk together."

'All?' Dean wasn't sure he liked the sound of that. 'If this is some kind of messed up intervention type thing, I'm going to start busting heads!' He thinks with utter frustration. He knew he had been drinking a bit more than usual, but it wasn't that bad.

"Relax Dean, it's not an intervention." Jack says, clearly reading his mind. "Although, everyone is worried about you. And yes, you have been drinking a lot more than usual. You may not realize it, but you have."

Dean hated having his mind being violated. "Jack, buddy, I'm happy that you're here, but could you please not read my mind."

Jack gets an embarrassed look on his face. "Sorry. One of the downsides of being God. Knowing all, seeing all, hearing all. It can be a bit overwhelming."

Dean rolls his eyes and follows Jack down the hall towards the library. Once there, he sees three people waiting for them. Sam, Eileen, and..... Rowena? What was she doing here?

"Hey, Dean.". Sam greets him as he enters the room. "You feeling okay?"

Dean was getting tired of hearing that question. "I will be once I know what's going on. What's Rowena doing here?"

The Queen of Hell looks up at him, almost looking insulted. "Well, it's nice to see you, too, Dean." She says with thick sarcasm.

Dean completely ignores her comment. "And what's Jack doing here? I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see the kid, but---" Dean couldn't deny the frustration he was feeling. "Can somebody please just tell me what the hell is going on?"

He notices Sam look directly at Jack, and tilt his head towards Dean, indicating that the information should come from Jack. Dean immediately turns to the young man, waiting for an explanation.

Jack lets out a small sigh as he looks up at Dean. "We're going to rescue Castiel from The Empty. And we need your help to do it."

Dean could hardly believe what he had just heard. They were going to bring Cass back? Really?! "Wait,... what?" Dean looked locked in place, almost like a frozen computer that wasn't processing new information.

Dean suddenly felt a strong hand rest comfortingly on his shoulder. He whips his head up to see Sam standing right next to him, his eyes were soft and yet filled with firm determination.

"Dean, we're gonna bring Cass home."

Hearing it a second time only solidified Dean's disbelief. It wasn't that he didn't believe it could be done, especially with Jack (God) on their side. It was the fact that there was so much that could potentially go wrong. What if they couldn't get into The Empty? And even if they could, what if they couldn't find Cass? What if they couldn't wake him up? What if Cass wasn't even Cass anymore?! Anxiety swirled through Dean's mind like a hurricane. He wanted Cass back more than anything, but what if the cost of getting him was too high?! Dean did not want to trade someone else he cared about for Cass's life, and he knew Cass wouldn't want that either.

Jack interrupts Dean's thoughts. "Dean, it's okay. We're not trying to trade anyone else for Cass."

"Jack, what did I just say about the mind reading?!" Dean shouts.

Jack slightly ducks his head in shame. "Sorry."

Dean's face almost twinged into a smile at that. It felt so weird, and yet so comforting, that even though Jack was God now, he was still very much.... Jack.

"Dean, listen," Sam starts as he removes his hand from Dean's shoulder. "Jack and I talked about this nearly all last night. We think we can get Cass back, but it's only going to work if you're here."

Dean had no idea what Sam meant by that. His mind was so overloaded with questions, he didn't know which one he should ask first. He decides to ask the one question that makes the most sense in that moment.

"What about The Empty? I mean-- I want Cass back more than anything, Sam, but aren't we risking the chance that the Shadow, or whatever it's called, will wake up again?"

"The Shadow's already awake, Dean." Sam explained. "It never did go back to sleep, it just dozed off for a little while."

"What the hell does that mean?" Dean asked.

Before Sam can say another word, Jack takes a step forward and explains. "As I explained to Sam earlier, when Cass came through on his end of the deal, The Shadow took him and he went back into a deep sleep. The Shadow seemed to be satisfied, so it more or less fell asleep too, but it wasn't as permanent as I had thought."

Dean stares at Jack in wrapped attention, his muscles tensed as he waited for the potential downside that he feared he was going to be told.

"The last time Cass was in The Empty, I woke him up. But this time, something else did it. And--"

"Wait a minute." Dean interrupts. "Cass is awake in The Empty? Why haven't you pulled him out yet?!"

"Because The Shadow won't let me." Jack tries to explain. "When Cass woke up again, so did The Shadow. It hates Cass for disturbing its peace, and started torturing him for it, trapping him in an endless nightmare."

Dean's blood instantly ran cold. Cass was being tortured in The Empty?! No, no. He couldn't let that happen! There was no way in hell he was going to let Cass suffer for eternity! He was going to get him out there and bring him back, whatever the risk!

With intense passion burning through his eyes, Dean looks between his brother and his surrogate son, his veins coursing with determination. Dean was ready to do whatever it took to bring Cass back home. "What do we have to do?"

-----------------

CASTIEL'S POV.

(The day after Chuck's defeat)

The last thing Castiel remembered was saying goodbye to Dean Winchester, and then there was black. Castiel laid asleep in the eternal abyss. No thoughts, no feelings, no memories, only endless slumber. Or, seemingly endless that is.

Cass couldn't feel anything while in his sleep. No pain, no fear, no nothing. His existence just drifted along the endless void like a fallen leaf floating across a pool of water. It appeared as if there was nothing that could disturb him. Then suddenly, there was a voice calling out to him, from beyond The Empty.

'Cass?'

Even though he was stuck in his deep sleep, Castiel could hear a voice, echoing through his mind. It was a man's voice. So familiar, and yet he couldn't remember who it was.

'Cass, I don't know if you can hear me or not. I really hope you can.'

Castiel had no choice but to listen to this man's voice. He almost felt like he was compelled to listen. He didn't mind it though.

'We did it, Cass. We won. Me, Sam, and Jack. We beat Chuck. Can you believe that? We actually beat God! And get this, Jack is the new God now. How's that for awesome?'

Sam? Jack? Chuck? Those names all sounded so familiar, and yet Cass couldn't remember the people they belonged to. He couldn't even remember the name that belonged to the voice that was talking to him right now.

'I just wish you could be here right now, man. I miss you. I miss your dorkiness. I miss your ignorance of pop culture. I miss your deep, gruff voice. Hell, I even miss that damn trench coat of yours. I.... I miss you.... so much.'

The pain that was in this man's voice made Cass's heart break. He couldn't remember who this person was, but somehow he felt like he missed him, too. Truly. Deeply.

'You know I.... I remember everything you said to me. Before The Empty took you. Every word. You said that the one thing you wanted was something you knew you couldn't have. I'm assuming that was me,..... right?'

Cass couldn't remember anything. He certainly couldn't remember what this man was talking about. Mustering up what little strength he could find, Cass desperately focused his mind as hard as he could, to try and get his memories back.

'I don't know what I ever did to deserve you, Cass. I really don't. But I..... I want you to know that I'm very grateful to you, even though there were times I acted like I wasn't. Out of all the Angels that could have rescued me from Hell,... I'm glad it was you.'

Castiel didn't even remember he was an Angel. And he rescued this man from Hell? This man. The....... The righteous man! Dean Winchester! Suddenly, it felt like a floodgate of memories had been released through Cass's mind. Angels. Demons. Heaven and Hell. The Winchester's. The Apocalypse. Leviathans. Purgatory. Naomi. The Mark of Cain. The Darkness. Lucifer's son. Apocalypse Michael. His deal with The Empty. God. Everything!

"Dean..." Despite Cass's unconscious state, the man's name flowed effortlessly through his laxed lips. "..Dean..."

'I just can't help but think about all the crap I've given you over the last few years. I know I haven't been very good to you, and yet you stuck by me anyway. You've always been there for me Cass, even when I wasn't there for you. You..... you are the best damn thing that has ever happened to me.'

"Dean..." Castiel felt his head begin to toss and turn, his very being ached as he called out for Dean in his sleep. "Dean."

'I just wish you were here now. I wish I could look into your eyes and tell you everything you deserve to hear me say.'

"Dean." Castiel's voice moaned as he gradually became louder.

'I..... I wish you would come back. Please Cass...... Please come back to me.'

Castiel's eyes instantly flashed open, and his upper body flung up into the upright position.

"DEAN!!"

Cass heard his own voice echo throughout nearly five or six times. He had woken up in The Empty, again!

'You have got to be kidding me!'

Cass could no longer hear Dean's voice, instead he heard a female voice, or rather the voice that The Shadow chose to use whenever it talked to him.

'Castiel. I thought we had an understanding. So, why are you awake again?!'

"I don't know." Cass answered honestly, but clearly his answer is not good enough for The Shadow, because within an instant, his head becomes overwhelmed with intense pain. Cass clutches his head as he screams in agony. "I don't know, I swear!!" He shouts out. "I don't know why I'm awake!!"

'Well, I honestly don't care what the reason is! All I wanted was to go back to sleep, and you just keep disturbing me! Well, if I can't have my peace, then neither will you!!'

Images of painful memories began to race through Cass's mind. And all the feelings that went with them. Pain. Fear. Remorse. Guilt. Shame. Hopelessness. Self-hatred. All the most horrible moments of his life tore through him like a knife. Their intensity increased by a hundredfold. Cass couldn't even speak anymore, all he could do was scream in pure, undeniable agony. His cries echoing throughout the endless void.

"AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Chapter Text

DEAN'S POV.

While Rowena was busy gathering the ingredients they needed to open a portal to The Empty, and Eileen had taken Miracle out for a walk, Dean, Sam, and Jack sat in the library and began to discuss their plan to save Cass. However, Dean's mind couldn't stop going back to what Jack had told them.

"So, you're saying that The Shadow has been torturing Cass nearly this whole time? In the last 3 months?!"

Dean was very angry, and scared. When they had lost Cass during their battle with Chuck, part of what helped Dean dilute himself into moving on was thinking that Cass was in a deep, peaceful sleep. But to find out that he was being tortured with his worst fears, it made Dean's blood boil. He didn't even want to imagine what Cass could possibly be going through at this very moment.

"I tried to get him out." Jack explains. "The Shadow has messed with him so much, that he couldn't tell what was real and what was an illusion."

Dean was having a hard time understanding. "Why can't you get him out? You were able to last time, and that was back when you were just a nephilim."

"Exactly, when I was 'just a nephilim'. More power is actually kinda the problem." Jack answers him. "Chuck and Amara were never able to challenge The Shadow, and now that I'm God, neither can I. Besides, The Shadow has too firm of a grip on Cass's mind. If I tried to pull him out while he was still asleep in there, it could cause unforeseen mental damage. Cass has to be awake before I can even begin to try and pull him out. But, if anyone can get through to him, I think it's you, Dean."

Dean wasn't sure what he could possibly do, if Jack couldn't do anything. "Why me?"

"Because he'll listen to you." Jack insists. "Because...... of your feelings towards each other."

That line caused Dean to get a lump in his throat. He instantly looks over at Sam, thinking he might have run his big mouth, telling Jack what he had said to him during his drunk-induced state the night before.

Sam suddenly noticed Dean staring at him. "Hey, don't look at me. I didn't say anything."

"No, Dean. Sam didn't tell me." Jack clarifies. "I've known for a while now."

Dean couldn't deny his own curiosity. "How long?"

"It's hard to say, really." Jack says as he tilted his head, his eyes seemingly lost in thought. "I found out about Cass's feelings not long after he made the deal. You on the other hand....." Jack hesitates, clearly contemplating his next phrasing.

"Dean, when I was first born, Lucifer had just killed Cass. You were angry, and hurt. You had lost all faith. And then when Cass came back to life, you were like a whole new man. You were happy. Optimistic. I could see that having Cass around... brought out the very best in you."

Dean felt his throat tighten at the facts that Jack was stating. He was right. Dean had lost all faith when Lucifer killed Cass. He remembered telling Sam that he didn't believe in a damn thing. That he just needed one big win. And then when he got that call on his phone, and heard Cass voice for the first time since he had been killed, Dean felt like his soul had been revived. Every time he watched Cass die, it was like a piece of himself died with him. Each time worse than the last. And every time Cass came back, Dean did too.

Jack interrupts Dean's thoughts. "But, aside from your emotional connection, you also have a... profound bond with him. A spiritual link."

Dean remembered years ago how Cass had once described their relationship as a 'profound bond', of course he never understood what the hell that meant.

Before he can even think about asking the question, Sam beats him to the punch. "What does that even mean?"

Jack continues to look at Dean as he delivers the answer. "Cass once told me the story about how he rescued you from Hell. How despite how vibrant your soul was, it was still torn to shreds from its time in the pit. He told me how he used his grace to stitch your soul back together, piece by piece."

Dean had no memory of that. He didn't remember anything from when Cass rescued him from Hell. The only thing he remembered was being in the pit, and then waking up underground and having to climb out through 6ft of dirt. 'Good times.' He thought sarcastically.

"I don't remember any of that." Dean says honestly.

Jack nods his head. "Cass didn't think that you would, especially since you lost a piece of it."

"A piece of what?" Sam asks. "Dean's soul?"

"Yes." Jack answers him. "Cass had to stitch his soul back together before he could repair Dean's body and return his soul to it. But there was a tiny speck of his soul that got detached and it fell back to Hell. After he returned Dean to his vessel, Cass went back to Hell to retrieve it. But it had been separated from the rest of Dean's soul for too long, so Cass kept it with him. Stored it within his grace, until it eventually infused with his very being, and started to grow... into his own soul."

Dean could barely contain his amazement. "You're saying that... Cass has a soul? A human soul?!"

"Yes." The young God answers. "That's part of why it was so easy for Cass to wake up in The Empty in the first place. Human souls are too bright, too vibrant, too noisy. And The Shadow hates noise! Human souls don't belong in The Empty. Granted, Cass's soul is small and underdeveloped, but it's still strong enough to keep The Shadow awake."

"So, just to clarify," Sam interjects. "Their 'Profound bond' comes from Dean having a little of Cass's grace, and Cass having a piece of Dean's soul? And you think that'll be strong enough to break Cass free from The Shadow?"

"Exactly." Jack confirms. "Dean and Cass's bond is very strong. They're more or less like..... soulmates."

It felt weird for Dean to hear Jack say that about him and Cass, and yet somehow, he didn't mind it too much. Cass was always his best friend, and he recently realized that maybe he was something more.

But as fascinating as all this was, Dean was starting to get impatient with the history lessons and the innuendos. He wanted to get down to the point of how they were going to get Cass out.

"Okay," Dean starts. "Let's say that I go into The Empty, find Cass, and wake him up. How am I supposed to get him out of there without The Shadow threatening to keep us both there forever?"

"I have an idea for that." Without elaborating, Jack reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a small dark purple gemstone with tiny streams of white light swirling around in the center.

"What is that?" Sam asks, clearly mystified.

"It's something that Amara and I have been working on for the last month or so."

"Amara?" Dean asked. "I thought you two were in harmony, or whatever."

Jack nods a little. "We're still working together, Dean, just separately. The whole 'merging together' thing was all Chuck's idea. After I became God, I decided to let her out. She's currently running heaven right now while I'm down here on Earth."

Dean looks over at Sam, the astonished look on his face reflected his own.

"Anyway," Jack says, setting the gemstone on the table in front of them. "Amara and I made this together. It's composed of energy from both light and darkness. It's almost like an EMP for The Empty. All you have to do is drop it in The Empty, and it will send out a massive pulse wave that should cause every soul that is wide awake to instantly fall into a deep, perpetual sleep, including The Shadow."

Whoa. Dean could hardly believe it. This pretty little gemstone was going to make The Empty shut down forever? Although, Dean couldn't help but tense up at how Jack said the word 'Should'.

"You're not sure that it'll work?"

Jack didn't look like he wanted to answer, but he finally does. "Not completely sure. But it's the best thing we have."

Jack's face becomes very serious as he looks towards Sam and Dean. "Guys, you need to understand. This isn't just about rescuing Cass, it's about putting The Empty to rest once and for all. We have to make The Shadow a deal, an offer it can't refuse." Jack picks up the purple gem and extends it towards the boys. "All The Shadow wants to do is go back to sleep. And we have to use this to give it what it wants, in exchange for Cass's liberation. But if we can't get Cass to come back,.... we need to use the gem anyway."

---------------

SAM'S POV.

Sam couldn't believe his ears. Surely Jack wasn't implying that......

"Are you saying that if Dean can't get Cass to come back, then he still has to use the gem on The Empty and put everyone to sleep, including himself?!"

Jack sorrowfully nods his head, not even looking Sam in the eyes.

Sam shakes his head in disbelief. "Tha-- that would mean he would be trapped there forever!"

"I know, Sam."

Sam stood up from the table, absolutely refusing to hear this. This was supposed to be a mission to rescue a family member, not lose one!!

"No!! No, there's-- There's got to be another way! There's got to be something else we can--"

"I'll do it." Dean interrupts his brother.

Sam's eyes widened with horror. "What?! Dean, no! You can't--"

"Sammy, listen," Dean stands up to meet Sam's gaze. "We're about to open a portal into The Empty, to make a deal with a cosmic entity. A severely pissed off, insomniatic, cosmic entity! And the longer we keep that portal open, the more we run the risk of setting The Shadow loose on the world. Now, I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen, and I'm going to bring Cass back, if it is the last thing I do."

Sam was as tense as a stone statue. His eyes locked with his brothers. "Jack, can Dean and I talk alone for a minute?"

Jack stands up from the table and slowly starts to walk out of the library, clearly noticing the obvious tension that was rising in the room. "Yeah, sure. I'll, uh.... I'll go see if Eileen and Miracle are back from their walk yet." And with that said, Jack quickly makes his way down the hall.

Sam continues to stare at Dean with fierce intensity. "Dean, you can't be serious."

"The hell I'm not." Dean replies, not even flinching. "Do you really think the kid would have suggested this plan if he thought there was another way? There's obviously not, Sam. I've got nothing left to lose, anyway."

'What about what I have to lose?!' Sam screams in his head, while fighting to keep the words from coming out loud. Sam didn't want to be selfish. He knew how devastated Dean was without Cass, but was he really so far down that he didn't think there was anything on Earth left for him to fight for? Was Sam, his own brother, not enough for him anymore?!

Dean's tone softens as he speaks again. "Look, I know you're pissed at me for going along with this. You can be angry all you want, but--"

"I'm not angry, Dean!" Sam stops him from finishing his sentence. "I'm scared!"

"Of what?" Dean was being so clueless.

Sam couldn't contain himself anymore. Throwing his arms up in the air as he starts yelling. "'Of what?!' 'OF WHAT?!!' You're seriously gonna ask me that right now?! How about 'of LOSING MY ENTIRE FAMILY'?!!"

Sam's outburst caused Dean to slightly step back. "Dean, we just keep losing family! No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, we always end up losing family! Mom, Dad, Bobby, Adam, Henry, Kevin, Charlie,...... and Cass! Even Jack who, when this is all over, is gonna go right back to heaven, and we may never see him again!! I've already lost too much as it is, Dean, and I can't-- I WON'T lose you, too!!" Tears rolled down Sam's eyes as he heaved a massive breath through his chest.

Dean steps towards his little brother and places his hands comfortingly on his shoulders. "Sammy, look at me." He says as he looks him in the eye. "I don't plan on leaving you, but I'm also not going to leave Cass and that eternal Hell. If push comes to shove, and I have to use that gem to knock out The Empty and everything else, so be it. But, I want you to know that I'm not gonna let it come down to that. I'm gonna find Cass, I'm gonna wake him up, and I'm going to bring him home. Even if I have to drag his ass out, kicking and screaming." He finishes with a smile.

Sam can't help but slightly smile back as he wipes the tears from his face.

"It's going to be fine, Sam. I promise."

Sam desperately wanted to believe that was true. He didn't want to think about the possibility of losing his brother, again. But Dean seemed certainly confident that this would work. 'This will work. It has to!' Sam tells himself. 'I'm not losing my brother today, only gaining back my lost brother.'

Chapter Text

SAM'S POV.

They decided that the Men of Letters garage was the best room to open a portal to The Empty, because it had the most space. Sam went to help Rowena gather and mix the ingredients to open the portal. They had set a big metal table in the middle of the garage where she could work. A mixing bowl in the center of the table where she compiled all the ingredients, and matches to spark a flame to activate the spell once it was ready.

"Alright." Rowena says as she finishes. "The last thing we need is something that belonged to Castiel, preferably DNA from his vessel. This will ensure that the portal opens up as close to him as possible."

Sam suddenly remembered that they had a small jar of Cass's blood in the storage room. Cass had given it to them in case they ever needed Angel blood for a spell. Sam quickly makes his way down to the storage room and brings it back to the garage to give to Rowena.

"That'll work." She says as she takes the jar from him. "Thank you, Samuel."

He nods and acknowledgment in her gratitude, all the while having a far away look in his eyes. Sam couldn't help but worry about what might happen if their plan went wrong. Sam had watched for months as his brother fell into utter despair of what they had lost. Over what 'he' had lost. After losing Cass, Sam felt like he was watching Dean fade away in slow motion. Dean, constantly drinking, never talking about his feelings. It made Sam feel so powerless. But now, they finally had a chance to fix everything. To get their family back. But it still didn't stop the worry that swam through Sam's head.

Rowena must have noticed the look on Sam's face, because she suddenly comes close to him and speaks softly. "Don't fret, Samuel. This will work. I know it will."

At first Sam thought she was talking about the spell. "Yeah, yeah, I know. You're the most powerful witch on Earth. No magic is beyond you." He says flatly.

"Well, that's true." She says with a smug smile on her face. "But I wasn't talking about the spell. I was talking about bringing back the little Angel."

Sam notices the sincerity in her eyes, and starts listening.

"If there's one thing I've learned in all the time I've known you boys, it's that you are incapable of staying dead."

Sam huffs out a small laugh at that remark. Resurrection was almost like a rite of passage in his family. If anything, it was a tradition.

"You Winchesters always find your way back," Rowena says. "and that includes Castiel."

Hearing Rowena refer to Cass as a Winchester warmed Sam's heart. Cass was a Winchester. He was family, and like Dean once said, 'we don't leave family behind.'

A scoffing sound from Rowena instantly regains Sam's attention. "Oh, bollocks!" She exclaims. "You boys have made me go soft! Just like you did to my son!"

Sam could tell that she was just joking around, or at least somewhat joking around. He hadn't thought about Crowley in a long time. Maybe they did make him go soft? The former King of Hell, who used to be as ruthless as they come, ended up sacrificing his own life to trap the Devil in an alternate reality. Fat lot of good it did, since Lucifer came back anyway, but it was still a pretty noble thing to do, even though, for Crowley, it was all about revenge.

Sam couldn't help but notice a slight look of sadness in Rowena's eyes as she mentioned her son.

"Do you miss him?" Sam asked her. "Crowley, I mean."

Rowena slightly hesitates, but then continues mixing the ingredients in front of her. "Not as much as I wish I did."

At some point Rowena stops mixing, and takes in a deep breath before she speaks again. "When Fergus was born, I forced myself to hate him. Because I believed that love was a weakness. It's so much easier to hate than it is to love.

"Love is so messy, chaotic, unpredictable. It's so easy to get hurt by someone you love. But when you hate them, any pain that they do cause you is not nearly as intense."

Sam started to understand what she was talking about. He couldn't count how many times he had fought with Dean, and even his father, John. He remembered how often he and John budded heads when he was growing up. They constantly hurt each other, but it was because of their love that it hurt so much.

"However, you and your brother seem to be an exception." Rowena interrupts Sam's thoughts. "Your love for each other is what makes you strong, keeps you together. It's when you give in to your fear or your hatred, that's when everything falls apart." She looks up at him with soulful eyes. "I wish my family could've been like yours."

Sam was amazed to hear Rowena talk like this. There was a time when she used to be so evil, when he wouldn't have even hesitated to kill her, and now she was so kind. She was his friend. Maybe he and Dean did have an influence on her. Sam couldn't stop the grin that started to appear on his face. "Wow, you have gone soft."

Rowena's face instantly turned sour as she looked at him with a firm glare in her eyes. "Don't make me curse you, Samuel."

Sam continued to smile, knowing that she was kidding. Or at least hoped she was.

-----------------

DEAN'S POV.

Dean made his way into the kitchen to make himself a pot of coffee. He thought about what Sam had said, about him being scared of losing his entire family. Of course, Dean didn't want that, but he also knew that he couldn't stand to spend another day without Cass his life. He was going to fight with everything he had to get Cass to come home. But if he couldn't, he knew what he had to do. He would have to use Jack's gemstone to put the entire Empty to sleep. It seems fitting, since he didn't want to come back without Cass anyway. Either he came back with Cass, or he didn't come back at all.

He hoped it wouldn't come down to that. And even if it did, Dean wasn't worried. He knew that Sam would be okay without him. Sam was strong, smart, and the best damn hunter Dean ever knew. Plus, he knew that Sam wasn't alone. He had Eileen. She was so good for him. In fact, Dean would have been more than proud to one day call her his sister-in-law.

After the coffee finishes brewing, Dean grabs himself a mug and pours himself some. As he gets himself some cream and sugar, he hears footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Dean turns around and sees Jack standing in the doorway.

"Hey." Dean greets him. "Are Eileen and Miracle back yet?"

"Yeah." Jack answers. "Eileen went to check in with Sam and Rowena to see if the spell is ready yet."

"Okay. You want some coffee?" Dean asks while pointing to the pot.

Jack shakes his head. "No thank you."

Dean shrugs his shoulders, but then takes a sip of his own.

The two of them stood there in awkward silence for about 10 seconds, before Dean finally broke it.

"So....." Dean starts trying to think of a decent Icebreaker. "You and Amara are separate now?"

"Yes." Jack answers honestly.

"So, what, she's.... running the show up there right now while you're down here? You guys can just take turns being in charge like that?"

"We're not really taking turns, Dean." Jack explains. "Amara and I are more like Co-Gods. It's not just one or the other. We work together, just individually, while maintaining the balance of the universe.

Dean slightly tilts his head as shrugs his shoulders again. "Well, I really don't care how it all works. I'm just glad that it's you up there, and not that evil little troll, Chuck."

"Chuck was never evil, Dean. He was just..... broken."

Dean was shocked. He was not expecting Jack to say that. He would have to have an explanation. "What are you talking about?"

Jack walks over and leans against the table, propping himself up. Dean could tell that he looked like he was about to unload a truckload of information. "I guess the only way for me to explain it clearly is to start from the beginning."

Dean takes his coffee and grabs a seat at the table, ready to listen.

"Before the beginning, there was only The Empty. An endless nothing. Then at some point, within the nothing, was born... existence. Existence in the form of Light and Darkness."

'God and Amara.' Dean thought, starting to understand.

Jack continues on. "Light and Darkness. They were like conjoined twins. Coexisting together in perfect harmony. Until the Light, God, decided that he wanted more than just the two of them. Much more. He started by creating his first two archangels, Michael and Lucifer. But it wasn't enough. So he went on to create the other archangels. Raphael, and then Gabriel. At the end of their births, the Darkness started to get jealous. She wanted it to be just her and the Light, together forever.

"And then between Light and Darkness, there was great tension. God wanted Life, the Darkness wanted solitude. Unable to settle their differences, God decided to separate himself from his sister so he could begin creation. So, with the help of his archangels, God separated himself from the Darkness and locked her away forever. Their separation resulted in a massive explosion."

"The Big Bang?" Dean asked. He remembered Amara telling him something similar when he and Sam went to talk to her during their battle with Chuck.

"Yes." Jack answers. "With the Darkness gone, God was finally free to create. Angels, galaxies, stars, planets, nature, animals, humanity. Then as life began to take hold on Earth, things began to change, evolve, and grow. Creation began to create other things. Math, science, history, art, music, theater, homes, churches, hospitals, television, cell phones, the internet. Even without God's help, creation continued all on its own."

Dean was starting to get lost, but he kept listening, hoping that Jack would eventually get to his point.

"Around the time of the Apocalypse, God wanted to come down to Earth. But he needed a vessel to contain his power. He eventually found one that was nearly strong enough for him. A baby by the name of Charles Shurley, or Chuck as he later became known as."

"Wait, hold up." Dean felt thoroughly confused. "God.... possessed Chuck?"

Jack shakes his head. "No, Dean. It wasn't possession, it was more like.... consolidation. A merging of essences, of identities. Chuck became one with God. Much like how when you and Sam removed The Mark of Cain, and set the Darkness free, it became one with little baby Amara."

'Damn.' Dean felt so overwhelmed, and yet based on the look on Jack's face, they were barely at the tip of the iceberg. For the longest time, he had believed that Chuck was God, but in actuality, he was just God's vessel. Two people in one. But there was still one thing that didn't quite add up.

"That still doesn't explain why Chuck went all Looney Tunes and tried to destroy us all."

Jack's face instantly became riddled with shame. "Yeah. I figured out what happened there."

Jack leans away from the table and sits down at the table, right in front of Dean. "As I said, Chuck was 'nearly' strong enough to contain God. He was the second strongest vessel God had after Jesus. God knew that Chuck wouldn't be perfectly strong enough to manage him, but with the Apocalypse on the horizon, he didn't have much choice."

A sudden thought occurred to Dean. "Wait. Is that why when The Darkness first came around, she started eating souls? To strengthen her vessel?"

"Yes. Amara's vessel was not strong enough to contain The Darkness indefinitely. Her consumption of human, demonic, and angelic souls strengthened her vessel enough so that it could. Of course, God never did that. He knew that Chuck wasn't perfectly strong, but he didn't want to eat souls. The Darkness did it simply as a way to get back at her brother for locking her away for so long."

"So, what happened?" Dean asked.

Jack slightly ducks his head. "Me. I happened."

Dean did not understand what Jack was referring to. "What? What do you mean 'you'?"

Jack hesitates. Dean could clearly see the nervous energy radiating from his body. "Dean, remember the night that I was born? When I accidentally opened a rift to the apocalypse world?"

Dean nods his head. "Yeah, of course I do. Cass said that it was like a tear in space and time."

"Well, it turns out it was a lot more than just that."

Dean felt like a migraine was coming on. Jack was already throwing so much information at him. What could possibly be next?

"Like I said, Chuck wasn't quite strong enough to contain God's power. So, the night I was born, that first rift that I opened. I didn't just rip a hole in the fabric of reality, I also accidentally ripped a hole in Chuck's mind. I'm the reason Chuck went crazy. And when Chuck snapped, God snapped right along with him."

Dean could not believe what he was hearing. Jack broke God?! How could that even be possible?

Jack keeps going. "So, that day when you, me, and Sam faced Chuck, you guys thought that I was taking Chuck's power away from him. When really, I was removing God from Chuck, and placing him within myself. I became one with God."

Dean felt like his mind had been blown ten times over. "Holy crap."

"Me being an archangel-nephilim, the son of Lucifer no less, my vessel was strong enough to contain God's power, as well as repair the mental damage that had been caused from being merged with Chuck."

This was a lot of information to take in. Dean wasn't sure what to say or do next.

Jack looks up at Dean, a sorrowful look in his eyes. "Dean, I'm sorry. I understand now why you don't trust me."

Dean felt like he got whiplash from that remark. "What? What are you talking about? I do trust you, Jack."

"You didn't for the longest time. You certainly didn't when I was born." Jack said. "And it's okay, I get it. Lucifer was my father, making me the most powerful nephilim in all of creation. I had too much power. So much power that I could potentially destroy the world, and I almost did."

Dean couldn't repel the guilt that welled up inside him. "Maybe. But you also saved it."

As Jack bowed his head, clearly avoiding eye contact, Dean started to think about how he treated Jack when he was first born. He treated Jack like a potential threat. A monster. A loose cannon that was waiting to go off. He never really gave Jack the benefit of the doubt. It was only after he brought Cass back to life, after Lucifer had killed him, he finally started to see Jack's worth. Dean felt ashamed of himself for not giving Jack the chance he truly deserved. Jack was more than just his power, he was an orphan, an innocent child. More than anything, he was family.

"Listen, Jack," Dean looks at him with true sincerity. "I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I haven't been fair to you."

Jack lifts his head up to meet Dean's gaze. His eyes timid, but hopeful.

"You've always been a good kid. You've always tried to do your best. You saved the world, Jack." Dean's throat began to slightly tighten as he opened up. "And I want you to know that I-- I'm very proud of you."

"Really?" Jack asked with widening eyes.

Dean replies with a warm smile. "You bet I am. I'm surprised you didn't know that already."

"I was trying to avoid reading your mind like you asked me to." Jack's reply causes Dean to chuckle a little.

Jack smiled back at him. "Thank you, Dean."

"You're welcome, kid."

The sound of rapid footsteps down the hall instantly snaked their attention towards the doorway, where they soon saw Sam standing before them.

"Hey." He greets them. "I was just looking for you guys."

"Has Rowena got the spell ready?" Dean asked.

Sam nods his head. "Yup. Everything's all set."

This was it. This was what Dean had been waiting, praying, hoping for, for months. They were going to do it. They were going to bring Cass home. Dean takes one last sip of his coffee, then stands up from the table. His determination burning like a fire in his very soul.

"Alright. Let's do this."

Chapter Text

CASTIEL'S POV.

(1 month after Chuck's defeat)

Pain. Fear. Sadness. These were the only feelings that Castiel knew at this point. Everything else was non-existent. The Shadow tore through his mind, playing back his worst memories on an infinite loop, each time more intense than the last. Cass's blood curdling screams continued to echo through the endless nothing.

"Stop! Please, make it STOP!!!" The Angel begged as he heard voices in his head.

'No one cares that you're broken, Cass! Clean up your mess!'

'Do you have any idea what it's like out there?! There's blood everywhere! And it's on your hands!'

'I just followed the sound of your pain.'

'You are expendable. And weak! And why God took a special interest in you, I will never understand.'

'Did you bring me back soulless on purpose?'

'You're dead to me.'

'I know what you hate. I know who you love. What you fear.'

'I fixed you, Castiel. I FIXED YOU!!!'

'Mercy brother, please!'

'You can't stay.'

'You are broken, Castiel.'

'There is nothing for you back there. No.'

'You know this, Dean. Something always goes wrong...... Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?'

"Stop! Please, stop!!!" Cass continued to plead with the Shadow.

The cosmic entity ignores his cries and continues to tear him apart from the inside. Agony and fear stab at his brain like tiny needles. It was all too overwhelming. Suddenly, Cass's body begins to convulse, violently. His eyes roll to the very back of his head, his mind and body felt electrified. The painful images came at him faster and stronger than before. His seizure felt like an earthquake that would never end. Then, within an instant, his whole body went limp, and his eyes sealed shut once again. Cass laid there, lifeless and silent.

The Shadow didn't need to breathe, and yet it sighed with relief.

'Finally. I knew that if I pressed at you hard enough, you would--'

Before The Shadow could have a chance to gloat, it realized that Cass was still making noise. Not on the outside, of course. His body laid there in The Empty like a lifeless dummy. No, the noise was coming from inside of him. Inside his mind!

'No. No, no, no. You're supposed to be asleep now! You're supposed to be quiet!!!'

Despite how quiet he looked on the outside, The Shadow could still hear Cass's screams coming from inside his head! His worst fears, his greatest regrets, his most horrible memories still played on in his mind. Never stopping, never slowing, and definitely... never... silencing.

'WHY WON'T YOU EVER SHUT UP?!!!!'

The Shadow screams as it raises a foot and kicks Cass in the stomach, sending his body tumbling across The Empty like a rag doll, until he eventually collapses on his side, still unconscious, still dreaming.

Now it was The Shadow who was screaming in agony. Unable to achieve solitude. Unable..... to go to sleep.

-----------------
DEAN'S POV.

Everyone had gathered in the garage, ready to get the portal open. Rowena was painting a black sigil, with a spiral-looking pattern, on one of the garage doors. Sam explained that she was going to direct the spell to that spot, so the portal would open there.

Dean stood there, waiting anxiously. This was it. This was what he had been waiting for. Praying for, for months. They were finally going to bring Cass home.

'Hang on, Cass.' Dean thinks. 'I'm coming for you. Just hang in there, just a little bit longer.'

Dean watches Rowena finish painting. She leaves the door and comes to the table where she has the spell, ready to cast it. "Ready when you are, dear." She nods over to Dean. "Remember, the portal will only stay open for one hour."

Dean didn't like the sound of that. "One hour?! If The Empty is as vast and endless as Jack said, then how can that be nearly enough time?"

"Because it has to be." Jack answers him. "Besides, time doesn't exist in The Empty the same way it does on Earth. One hour on Earth could be several hours in the Empty, maybe even days."

Jack's explanation did not decrease Dean's uncertainty. If anything, it only increased. Dean's stomach turned as he realized that for Cass, his time in the Empty wouldn't feel like a little over 3 months. It would probably feel more like 3 years, or maybe even 3 decades! Dean was no stranger to time dilation, seeing as how 4 months on Earth was 40 years for him in Hell.

"Which is why you need to work fast and find your Angel as quickly as possible." Rowena adds on.

Dean nods, acknowledging her suggestion. But before they can get things started, Dean knows he has a few things to take care of first.

Dean looks down at the floor next to Eileen, and sees Miracle staring up at him with soulful eyes. As Dean bends down to pet him, the dog whines a little, almost like he knows what's happening, and he's scared.

"Hey, it's okay, boy." Dean tells him while stroking his hand through his white shaggy fur. "I'm coming back, and I'm bringing a friend back with me. You're gonna love him, I know you will." Dean smiles at his pet as he stands up from the floor.

He comes up to meet eyes with Eileen. Dean couldn't help but notice a slight trace of tears In her eyes, like she was worried too. "Good luck, Dean." She says as she forces herself to smile.

Dean forces a smile upon his own face as he leans in to give her a hug. He pulls away from her and looks her in the eye. "I need you to do me a favor. In case something goes wrong and I don't make it back, I want you to keep an eye on Sam for me. Don't let him do anything stupid."

Sam, who is standing right next to Eileen, develops an annoyed look on his face. "Dean, I'm right here. And unlike her, I can hear you loud and clear."

"I know." Dean says, looking smug. "That's why I said it, bitch."

"Jerk." Sam replies while he shakes his head, still riddled with annoyance.

Eileen smiles and chuckles as she clearly reads the boys' lips. "Don't worry, Dean. I'll look out for him."

Dean gives her a slight peck on the cheek before turning his attention to his little brother. Like Eileen, Sam also seemed like he was on the edge of crying. He was holding it back with as much willpower as he could.

"I'm coming back, Sammy." Dean says to him. "We're coming back."

"You better." Sam says before pulling his brother in for a big, strong hug. "Don't make me come in there and get you guys."

Dean huffs out a little laugh as he hugs his brother back. "I won't." Dean closes his eyes as he cherishes this hug with Sam, hoping that it wouldn't be their last one.

Dean lets go of his brother and turns his attention towards Jack. The young God looks up at him, pure admiration radiating from his eyes. Jack doesn't even wait for Dean to speak before slamming into him for a big hug. Dean felt the wind get slightly knocked out of his lungs by his kid. He wraps his own arms around Jack, holding him tight. "I love you...... Dad."

Dean was so shocked to hear Jack call him that, and yet it felt so right. Dean holds Jack even tighter and raises his hand up to hold Jack's head close to his shoulder. "You too, kiddo."

After their hug ends, Jack reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out the purple gemstone he had shown him and Sam earlier. The one thing that was going to put The Empty to rest, forever. Its little white streams of light, dancing around in the center of the crystal. Jack extends the gem to Dean and waits until he takes it. "Now, go find my other father and bring him home."

Dean's eyes burned with determination as he takes the crystal and puts it into his own pocket. "You got it." Dean turns and looks over towards Rowena to give her the 'go-ahead' to start the spell.

"Wait." Jack suddenly interrupts. "Before I forget, I have something that will help you find Cass."

Dean curiously watches as Jack reaches into his other pocket to pull out something else.

"I'm sure you recognize this." Jack says as he pulls his hand out and reveals a necklace. Dean instantly recognized it. Even if he hadn't seen it in a hundred years, he would still have recognized it.

It was an amulet. The Amulet. The one that Sam gave to him for Christmas when they were kids. The one that he wore for years. The one that those girls who did that Supernatural play at that school referred to as 'The Samulet.' 'A symbol of the Winchester's brotherly love.' as they described it. The one that turned out to be a way to track God. Dean remembered how much he loved that necklace. How looking at it always reminded him of Sam, of his family. He also remembered during the Apocalypse how when they were trying to find God, and they talked to the Angel, Joshua, who said that God didn't want to help with the apocalypse because he 'didn't think it was his problem.'

Dean couldn't even look at that necklace after that. It didn't mean the same to him anymore. So he threw it away, only to years later discover that Sam had retrieved it and kept it in his pocket all that time. He remembered when he saw it glowing for the first time, when the Darkness attacked, and how God (Chuck) had finally come out to help them.

Seeing it now again, Dean wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel. Happy, sad, angry. What he did feel was confused, because he knew it was supposed to burn brightly in the presence of God. And that's who Jack was now. So why wasn't it glowing for him?

"Uhh.... shouldn't that thing be glowing? You know, in the presence of...... well, you?" Dean asked.

"Not if I don't want it to." Jack answered.

Dean's confusion only grew. If it didn't glow in God's presence then what was the point?

Jack looks down at the Amulet, his eyes full of warmth. "Dean, before you found out what this Amulet really was, it used to symbolize love and family. It used to remind you of what you were fighting for. Who you were fighting for. I wanted to carry on that sentiment, which is why I modified it."

"You.... modified it?"

Jack nods his head as he extends the necklace towards Dean. "Now, it will no longer burn brightly in the presence of God, it will burn brightly in the presence of the wearer's hearts desire." He stands there and waits for Dean to take it from him. Still filled with uncertainty, Dean slowly reaches his hand out and takes the Amulet from Jack.

"All you have to do is wear it," Jack explains. "and focus on the person you want to find. The person you care for. And the Amulet will guide you to wherever they are."

Dean could hardly believe it. This thing was going to lead him to Cass? Hell yeah, he was gonna wear it!

"It will also act as a tether, allowing me to see and hear you while you're in The Empty. So when you find Cass, and wake him up, all you have to do is pray to me and I'll pull you both back to Earth."

Dean nods to Jack with a grateful look at his eyes. "Thanks Jack." He says as he puts the necklace on. He forgot how much he missed this thing. This one little thing that meant so much to him for so long, because it reminded him of the people that meant so much to him, and now, it still could.

"Okay, Rowena." He says, nodding to the Queen of Hell. "Hit it."

Rowena begins chanting words of latin as she holds her hands above the bowl of mixed ingredients. The mixture suddenly bursts in the flames as she continues to chant. Dean looks at the sigil painted on the garage door, it's black lines that spiral out started to glow with a dark purple tent. Rowena keeps chanting as the light grows brighter and brighter, until eventually a strange black puddle starts to manifest in place of the sigil on the door.

Dean recognized this right away. This was The Empty. After one last glance at his family, Dean confidently walks towards the puddle and cautiously steps inside, instantly engulfed by pure emptiness.

Chapter Text

DEAN'S POV.

After stepping one foot into the portal, Dean felt a chill go down his spine. He was surrounded by pure blackness. No light, no sound, no.... nothing. Dean knew this place was called The Empty for a reason, but knowing it and seeing it were two very different things.

Despite the blackness, Dean could still see himself, clear as day, as if there was light there. As he began to walk, Dean noticed that the floor beneath him was just as black as everything else around him. It was severely unsettling to be in this place. It almost made Dean nostalgic for Hell, because at least Hell was something.

Dean closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath, trying to collect himself. As freaked out as he was by this place, he knew that whatever Cass was going through must be a thousand times worse. He looks down at the Amulet that was hanging from his neck. He remembers what Jack said, that all he had to do was focus on Cass and the Amulet would lead him to him. Dean reaches up and holds the Amulet in the palm of his hand, squeezing it tight. He closes his eyes and begins to focus.

"Cass?" His call was barely a whisper. "Castiel."

Dean looks down at his hand and notices a small glow of light starts to shine between his fingers. He releases his grip on the Amulet, squinting his eyes as the light shines in them. Then suddenly, the Amulet starts to levitate from Dean's hand, floating in the air like a feather. Dean puts his hand down and watches as it just hangs there right in front of him. The Amulet glows like a tiny, shining star in the Empty. It starts to slowly move through the air, pulling towards the left of him. Dean turns towards the direction the Amulet is tugging him to. He figures that must be the way to go, so he starts walking in that direction. The Amulet still guides him as he goes.

Dean's strides were hard and fast, but he also tried to be quiet. He remembered what Jack had said about how The Shadow hated noise. This thing was already pissed off enough, and Dean knew he didn't want to provoke it anymore than it already was, especially since it was torturing Cass.

As Dean walked through the endless nothing, he couldn't shake how eerie and creepy this place was. Dean remembered back when he and Sam tried to save the President from Lucifer, and how they were arrested by the government because they thought Sam and Dean tried to kill him. They were sent to a secret government facility in Colorado, where they spent over 6 weeks locked up in cells, with nothing but a cot, and the daily lunch that the guard would bring them as he shouted "Chow time!"

Being locked in that cell with nothing but four walls to stare at. No music, no beer, no anything. Dean felt like he was about to go insane. Which is why he called out for Billie and made a deal with her so she would get him and Sam out. Dean remembered how he told his mother, Mary, about being trapped in that cell with absolutely nothing. "I've been to Hell." He remembers himself telling her. "This was worse."

But that cell could never hold a candle to this god-awful place. The Empty literally was..... nothing! Absolutely nothing! Dean felt like he was on high alert, waiting for something to come up behind him. But there was nothing except the light sound of his boot steps echoing throughout the endless void.

Dean walked for what felt like 2 or 3 hours, the Amulet was still glowing, still guiding him, occasionally getting a little bit brighter, indicating that he was getting closer to Cass.

At some point the Amulet stops pulling him and just floats there in mid-air, burning bright. Then the light quickly goes out and the Amulet falls back down to Dean's chest. Dean had no idea what that could have meant. Did that mean he had found Cass? Or did it mean he had lost the trail? Dean started to feel frantic. Not knowing what else to do, he just begins to call out.

"Cass! Where are you?"

Dean desperately waited for an answer, but it never came.

"CASS!!!" Dean shutters as he hears his own voice echo across the Empty.

'Why does there have to be so much yelling?!!'

Dean jumped as he heard a woman's voice sound off. He couldn't tell which direction it was coming from, it felt like it was all around him at once.

"Who are you?" He demands. "Where are you?!"

"Right here, handsome." He turns around as he hears the voice coming from behind him. But he was not prepared to see the person that stood before him. It was a familiar face, but not just any face. It was the face of his mother, Mary Winchester.

"Mom?" Dean asked, completely shocked.

"Not quite. Try again." She smirks as her face instantly gets engulfed by a black puddle. It was the same kind of puddle that formed the portal to The Empty. It finally clicked for Dean, as he realized who and what this was.

"You're The Shadow." Dean confirms out loud.

The Fake-Mary's face contorted back to normal as she slowly clapped her hands in a mocking fashion. "Bravo. It's good to know you're more than just a pretty face."

Dean could barely contain the disgust that was in him. Seeing this entity wearing his mother's face, looking the same as she did before she died, well, the second time she died that is.

"Let me guess," She says as she takes a step forward. "You're Dean, right? And you're here for your precious little Angel, Castiel?"

Dean doesn't even answer her. He knew, based on the tone of her voice, she wouldn't be asking these questions if she didn't already know who he was and what he wanted.

"I should have known you'd be coming here. After all, this is all your fault."

That caught Dean completely off guard. "Excuse me?"

"It was you!" Shadow Mary screams. "Castiel was all sound asleep, until you woke him up and ruined everything!!"

Dean couldn't believe it. Was that really true? Did he really wake Cass up? He knew that he wanted Cass back so badly, but he didn't want to be the cause of Cass's torture.

"I tried to make him go back to sleep." She goes on. "You have no idea how many beatings I gave him before he finally caved!"

Hearing that made Dean angry. He wanted nothing more than to punch this cosmic bitch! But he knew that he was no match for The Shadow, so he choked down his feelings as best he could.

"Once the little feather-brained bitch finally went back to sleep, or rather 'passed out'," She explained. "I thought I could finally rest, but he still won't shut up! He's still making too much noise!"

Dean wondered what she meant by that. "How is he making too much noise if he's asleep again?"

"HE'S DREAMING!!" She shrieks, her eyes wide open, looking psychotic. "I can hear his dreams! They're TOO LOUD!!"

A stressed out chuckle escapes her throat as she goes on. "And you know what he dreams about the most? You!" She says, pointing her finger at Dean angrily.

"He cries out for you! Whether it's to help him, or listen to him, or even to stop hurting him! He just cries out 'Dean, Dean, Dean, DEAN!!!'"

Dean knew that this wasn't his mother, and yet watching a version of Mary that looked so psychotic disturbed him. The Fake-Mary continues to scream as she waves her arms up in the air, and occasionally slams her fists against the sides of her head. "Here a 'Dean', there a 'Dean', everywhere a 'DEAN, DEAN'!!! IT NEVER ENDS!!!"

Dean remembered what Jack said, about how all The Shadow wanted to do was go to sleep.

'We have to make it an offer it can't refuse.'

Jack's voice echoed in Dean's head. He knew what he had to do.

"That's why I'm here," Dean starts. "To make it end. I wanna make a deal."

"Really?!" Sarcasm came off The Shadow in waves. "Well, color me shocked!"

"Listen, you want to go back to sleep. And I want Cass. If you give me what I want, I'll give you what you want."

Shadow Mary starts laughing, clearly not believing what he was saying. "And just exactly how are 'you' going to put me back to sleep?"

Dean reaches into his pocket and pulls out the purple gemstone. "With this." He extends it to her so she can see it clearly. Her eyes become wide with curiosity.

"It's a gift," Dean explains. "From Amara, and the new God, Jack. Once I drop it, it'll knock out everyone who's awake in here, including you. All you have to do is let Cass and me go home, and I'll use this to put you to sleep once and for all."

The Shadow still seemed unsure, and yet very intrigued. "How do I know that's going to work?"

Dean figures he shouldn't lie to her. "You don't. And honestly, neither do I. But I believe it will work. I have to."

The Fake-Mary stands there for a good few seconds, clearly contemplating the choices. But Dean doesn't wait for her to give a straight answer. "So, do we have a deal?"

"No." She says flatly. "No deal. Not yet."

Dean didn't understand why she was rejecting this deal. It seemed like a fair enough trade.

"You see, as much fun as I've had tormenting Castiel, turns out he's caused me more pain than I could ever cause him. If I let him leave here, I want to be absolutely sure that he doesn't come back!"

That sounded fair enough to Dean. "Okay. Done."

"No! Not done!" Shadow Mary says, still with that sleep deprived, crazed look in her eyes. "I don't think you're hearing me. All Angels come here when they die. If Castiel leaves, I don't want him to ever come back! EVER!! Get the picture?"

It took Dean a second to realize what she meant, and then it finally clicked. As long as Cass was an Angel, he would still come back to the Empty if and when he died again. But if he was human.....

"What if you take away his grace?" Dean asks. "That'll make him human. That way when he dies, he won't come here. He'll go to Heaven."

"Or Hell, I really don't care," Shadow Mary says brightly. "As long as he doesn't set foot in my domain ever again."

"Okay, fair enough." Dean agrees. "So, where is he?"

Shadow Mary rolls her eyes with exasperation. Looking absolutely annoyed, she raises her hand and snaps her fingers. As she does, another strange black puddle starts to form on the floor of The Empty. Dean watches as the puddle rises up into a cocoon-like shape. At the top, the cocoon starts to unravel and fall back down into The Empty, and reveals an unconscious Castiel, laying on his side, partially curled into a ball.

"Cass!" Dean doesn't even think as he shoves the gem back into his pocket and sprints down towards the sleeping Angel. He gently pushed Cass's shoulder, causing him to fall onto his back. Dean's heart sank as he took a good long look at his best friend. Cass looked so pale in the face, and his cheeks were streaked with dried up tears. It took every ounce of self-control Dean had not to slam his fist down and scream at The Shadow for what she had done to him, of which Dean could only imagine what Cass had endured.

Pushing his anger aside as best he could, Dean focuses on trying to wake Cass up. He reaches for the Angels shoulder and starts to shake him. "Cass? Come on, buddy, you've got to wake up." But his efforts were useless, as Cass continued to lay there comatose.

Dean grabs both of his shoulders and tries to shake him a bit harder. "Cass, listen to me! It's Dean! I'm here, man. I'm here to take you home! But I need you to wake up first, please!" Once again, nothing happens.

Dean's breathing hitched, and his face became full of fear and sorrow. Trying even harder, he reaches up to Cass's face and caresses his cheeks with his hands. "Damn it, Cass, please! I need you! I need you to come back! And Sammy and Jack, they need you, too!" Dean's voice choked as he tried to fight back tears. "Cass, wake up!! CASS!!!" But no matter how loud he shouted, or how hard Dean shook him, Cass continued to stay trapped in his deep sleep.

Dean could hear Shadow Mary groaning with disgust from behind him. "Ugh! And I thought him crying out for you was annoying!"

Dean could no longer hold back his anger. He didn't care about pleasing, or 'not pissing off' The Shadow anymore. He stands up and turns to face her and begins yelling. "You did this to him you MISERABLE BITCH!! YOU WAKE HIM UP NOW!!!"

She begins to chuckle that his forcefulness. "Well, isn't that just adorable! Me getting yelled orders from someone who is more or less of an amoeba to me. I not sure whether you're brave, crazy, or just plain stupid! But, I think I'm starting to see why Castiel is so fond of you. Because his bravery, his craziness, his stupidity. I'm guessing he must have gotten all of that from you."

Dean was having zero patience with this imitation of his mother trying to sound cute. "Wake. Him. Up!"

"I. Can't." She retorts at him. "True, I did torture the little angel up to the point where he finally passed out, but for some reason the torture started to take on a life of its own."

"What the hell does that mean?!" Dean asks, not wanting to hear any metaphorical bull crap.

"It means that somewhere, deep beneath his subconscious, Castiel believes he deserves the torture. That he deserves to suffer. He's unknowingly trapped himself in his own personal Hell. So, I can't wake him up because this is no longer my doing. He has to break himself free from this."

"How?" Dean asks.

"He has to let go of the pain and the fear." Shadow Mary explains. "He has to remember all the good in his life, all the things that bring him joy. Assuming he even has anything."

"He does!" Dean shouts defensively. "He's got me! And Sam, and Jack! He's got his family! Not those heartless, dickbag, flying monkeys in heaven! A real family!"

Shadow Mary scoffs. "Yeah, well, tell him that." She says pointing down at Cass.

Dean suddenly realized she was right, he did need to tell Cass that. He needed to make him remember all the good he had! The family he had waiting for him back home! The family that loved him! Dean had to get through to Cass somehow. He realized there might be only one way.

"You were able to get in Cass's head. Can you get me in there?" He asks The Shadow.

Her face twists into a thoughtful look. "Mmm, maybe. But I'd have to put you to sleep to do that."

"Okay, then do it!"

Shadow Mary smiles as she shakes her head. "There we go again with the demanding attitude." Then she notices Dean staring at her with fierce intensity. She sighs, looking absolutely exhausted. "Fine! But you need to keep in mind Ken-Doll, once I put you to sleep, you're not going to wake up. Not unless Castiel wakes up first."

Dean could care less what happened to him at this point. All that mattered to him was saving Cass, whatever the risk. He knew he wasn't leaving there without Cass anyway. "Do it." He tells her.

Shadow Mary puts her hand up in a stop motion. "Just to make sure we've got everything straight. If you can get your little Cass to wake up and give up his grace, I'll let you both leave here alive and unharmed. And in return, you give me that pretty little rock you have, and I use it to finally get my eternal beauty rest. Deal?" She extends her hand to him, wanting to shake.

Dean doesn't even want to touch this creepy skank, but with time running out, and Cass in danger, he knows he has to hurry and get this done. Choking down his pride, Dean reaches out to shake hands with the Shadow. "Deal." He answers, ceiling the agreement.

Shadow Mary develops menacing grin on her face. "Alright then." She raises her hand to touch his forehead with two index fingers. "Nighty-night, Dean."

As she touches his head, Dean's eyelids instantly shut and his body collapses onto the floor of The Empty, right next to Castiel.

-----------------

SAM'S POV.

It had only been about 20 minutes since Dean had stepped through the portal and entered The Empty, and Sam was already starting to get worried. Not knowing what else to do, he paced back and forth through the garage.

A sudden gasp from Jack pulls Sam's attention. He sees Jack looking worried, as he closed his eyes and rubbed his fingers against both of his temples, like he was trying to focus.

Sam could tell that something wasn't right. "Jack, you okay? What's wrong?"

"I don't know." Jack's breathing hitched. "I.... I can't sense Dean anymore!"

That was so not what Sam wanted to hear. "What do you mean you can't sense him anymore?!"

Jack started to look slightly panicked. "I mean I can't hear him! I can't even really feel him! It's like he's just....... gone."

Chapter Text

SAM'S POV.

'Gone?! How can Dean be gone?!' Sam's mind was in full-on panic mode. If Jack wasn't able to track him in The Empty, then what the hell were they going to do?! Sam was half tempted to jump right into that portal, and go looking for Dean and Cass himself. Then, a sudden thought occurred to him.

"Jack?" He asks, looking at the young God. "Didn't you say you put a tether on the Amulet? Can't you track him that way?"

"That's what I'm trying to do." Jack answers him. "But it's-- Wait." He puts his hand up in a stop motion while he closes his eyes again, trying to focus. Sam stands there, waiting with anticipation.

"I.... I think.... Yes!" Jack finally exclaims. "Yes, I found him!"

Sam huffs out a quick sigh of relief, but his joy is short-lived as Jack continues to explain.

"He's..... Uh-oh. I think he's asleep."

"What?!" Sam once again felt panicked. "How is Dean asleep?!"

"The Shadow." Jack answers darkly. "It must have done something to him."

"Can you wake him up?" Sam asked, even though deep down he already knew it wouldn't be that simple.

"No more than I could wake Cass up." Jack says bluntly. "But, I'm going to try to reach out into Dean's mind and talk to him. Try to find out what's going on."

Sam nods along, feeling only partially hopeful. He feels a gentle hand touch his shoulder and he turns to see Eileen looking up at him. Immense compassion emanating from her eyes. 'It'll be okay.' She signs to him.

Sam barely musters up a smile in response to her. He wanted to believe that to be true. No, he had to believe it. He wasn't going to lose both his brother and his best friend in one day before even getting the chance to get them back. Whatever was going on in the Empty, Sam knew Dean could handle it. His big brother was a tough son-of-a-bitch who would never back down. He and Cass were going to come home, whatever it took.

-----------------

DEAN'S POV.

Dean's head throbbed as he pried open his eyes to see where he was. He didn't think The Shadow putting him to sleep would be so painful. He opened his eyes to find himself lying on the ground. He was looking up at a cloudy night sky with no stars. As he pushed himself up into a sitting position, he noticed that he was lying in a clearing near a forest. This place looked vaguely familiar.

Dean stood up off the ground and took a good look around. He pondered what memory of Cass's this could possibly be. Was he on a hunt late at night, where something bad happened? Dean didn't think it was too far fetched.

As he thinks, Dean nearly trips. He looks down where he stumbled and sees a huge burning crater in the ground. Little embers danced around the edges. Dean suddenly realized where this was. This is the area where Amara had brought him to talk. Where they..... kissed. Dean flinches at that memory, trying to choke it down. This was also the place where the Angels tried to smite Amara, and she had sent Dean away to protect him.

Dean remembered that he couldn't come out there due to the smiting sickness. So Cass went out there alone to see if Amara was alive or dead. But that all went down during late morning/early afternoon, so why was it so dark? Dean never knew officially what happened out here when Cass came looking for Amara, because not long after, he got possessed by Lucifer.

Dean tries to focus and figure out where Cass was. He starts heading off towards the trees to see if he can find anything. After a minute or so of searching, he finally hears voices in the distance, one of which sounded like Cass's voice. Dean makes his way towards the voices, and eventually two individuals come into view. One was Cass, and the other was a short, dark-haired woman with thick glasses and a pants suit. Dean figured she must have been an Angel, he knew how they were all fond of that 'office manager' look.

As Dean gets closer, their conversation comes in more clearly.

"I never wanted this, you know.." He hears Cass say. "To be hated by my own kind. I never--"

"Oh, no-- I don't hate you, Castiel." She answers him.

Dean could feel the hopelessness in Cass's voice as he flatly says. "Thank you."

"I mean, we have a lot in common." Dean hears her say to him as they continue walking. "Our names rhyme, that's a big one. I look good in a trench coat, too. And you know, we're.... both expendable."

Dean could hardly believe what she had just said. "Excuse me?" He hears Cass ask her.

"Yeah, what?!" Dean couldn't help but chime in.

The girl stops and turns around to look back at Cass. "Well, that's why we're here, right? I'm a number cruncher, and you, like I said, I've heard the stories..... You help.... but Sam and Dean Winchester are the real heroes."

Dean felt like his insides were being gutted out. Was that how Cass felt in that moment? Did he really believe he was expendable? Was that why he said yes to Lucifer?!

The Angel girl continues on. "So, if the Darkness is still alive and she's pissed..... and she kills us, no big loss!" She finishes that line sounding way too perky. "So, sure, maybe we're not super important, but we do the job. Ya know, I think there's nobility in that."

'Well, she's way too well adjusted with her loser status.' Dean thought.

Dean couldn't shake the awful feeling he felt in the pit of his stomach when he looked at Cass's face. Cass looked so defeated, so broken, like somewhere deep down he had already thought that stuff about himself, but to actually hear it out loud from someone else, it just solidified his beliefs.

The girl starts walking again through the woods. "You coming?" She asked Cass.

Cass looked so half-hearted as he answered her. "I'll catch up."

Dean's heart broke as he saw the look of despair on Cass's face. He couldn't stand to watch this anymore. He walks straight over to Cass and grabs him by his shoulders. "Cass, listen to me. You're not expendable. You hear me! You never have been!" But Cass doesn't seem to hear him, he just continues to stare down, totally defeated.

"Cass, look at me!" Dean shouts louder, trying to get Cass's attention. "Don't let what that four-eyed bitch said get to you! None of this is real anyway, it's just a memory!" But Cass wasn't listening, he remained trapped in the pain of his memory.

Dean never stopped to think about how little Cass thought of himself. He knew Cass had made mistakes in the past. Bad mistakes. Hell, they all had. But no matter what happened, they would always find a way to pull through and come out on top, while leaving the bad guys rotting in the ground where they belonged. As long as Dean, Sam, Cass, and Jack had each other, there was almost nothing they couldn't handle. Dean had to make Cass remember that.

"Cass, you've gotta listen to me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when all of this was going on. But I'm here now, okay? And I need you to hear me."

The Angel still seemed unaware of Dean's presence, continuing to look down with absolute hopelessness stretched across his face. Dean grips his shoulders a bit tighter and starts to shake him a little.

"Cass, please. I need you to hear me." Dean's voice shook a little as he tried to speak. "You are not expendable. You're family. You have always tried to do the right thing. Your heart has always been in the right place. You've always been there for me. For Sam. For Jack. For everyone! You've never backed down, you've never given up. You 'are' a real hero. You--.... you are everything to me." Dean's throat tightened as he continued on. "Cass, please..... just look at me."

After what felt like forever, Cass's eyes started rapidly blinking as he slowly looked up to meet his gaze. "D..Dean?" He asked, sounding a bit hazy.

Shock and relief blended across Dean's face as a small chuckle flowed past his lips. He couldn't believe it. He had gotten through the Cass! "Yeah! Yeah, Cass, it's me. It's Dean. I'm here."

Cass still seemed a bit out of it, almost like a sleepwalker. But Dean had finally gotten his attention. Maybe if he tried harder, he could get Cass to become more alert.

But that plan quickly went south as a woman's scream in the distance instantly pulls Cass's attention away from Dean.

"Ambriel!" Cass shouts as he runs towards the direction of The scream.

"Cass, wait! It's not real!" Dean tries to tell him, but Cass continues to rush past the trees towards the scream. "Damn it!" Dean huffs in frustration as he runs after Cass through the woods.

As Dean follows, he suddenly notices the darkness around him is starting to be pulled towards the area where the scream came from, almost like fog being sucked in by a vacuum. Dean continues to make his way towards where it is going. Daylight eventually cuts through the black fog and everything becomes brighter. As he gets closer to where Cass ran, Dean sees a clearing, and in it stood.... Amara, The Darkness herself! She was pulling the black fog into herself. Night was instantly replaced by Day as Amara absorbed the last of her essence. Dean looked at the ground beside her and noticed the angel, Ambriel, as Cass called her, was lying dead on the ground.

Dean watched as Amara greeted Cass. He listened as she admitted to consuming Ambriel. Saying that she 'really hit the spot.' Dean had forgotten how savage Amara could be at times. He sees Cass's Angel blade slide out of his trench coat sleeve and into his hand, ready to fight.

"Seriously?!" Amara asked, looking genuinely surprised. "I mean, Heaven brought down the thunder and it barely even scratched my paint job, but you and a shiny knife? Sure, that's gonna work."

Dean steps closer so he can hear them better. "You think I'm afraid to die?" He hears Cass ask her.

"I know you are." Amara says as she starts to step closer to him. "You reek of fear and self-loathing."

As much as Dean hated to admit it, he felt like Amara was right. Cass was afraid, but he clearly would not let his fear stop him from fighting. As he raises his Angel blade ready to stab her, Amara catches his arm in mid-descent.

"Ooh, scary." She says in a mocking tone right before flinging him across the clearing, causing him to slam into a tree and hit the ground. On instinct, Dean immediately runs towards Cass. As he bends down, trying to help him sit up, Dean could tell that Cass was once again unaware of his presence. "Cass, you've gotta listen to me! This is just a memory, it's not real!"

"She was right you know." Dean looks up as Amara speak again. "You are expendable. And weak!" She says as she begins to walk towards Cass. "And why God took a special interest in you, I'll never understand." She squats down to the ground so she could be face to face with him. "My brother always did have horrible taste in men."

"Shut the hell up!" Dean retorts at her.

"Just do it." Cass responds to her, almost like he's saying 'just kill me already'. Amara raises her hand to touch his face. Dean couldn't help but flinch as Cass did.

"Blue eyes, you're not even worth the effort." Amara says to him. "And, no offense, but you look a bit used up."

"'No offense', huh?" Dean couldn't take anymore of this. He needed to find a way to get through the Cass again. As he stands up off the ground trying to think, he notices a strange light on the other side of the clearing. It was rectangular shaped, almost like an invisible door.

Dean walks towards it and gently pulls the door open to reveal a bright, clean cut hallway. Dean steps into the hall and sees an endless string of doors as far, as the eye can see. Dean wasn't sure what the hell this could be. He looks back at the door that he just came out of, and it was labeled 'The One Where I'm Expendable'. The door right next to it was labeled 'The One Where My Brothers and Sisters Fell', and the door after that 'The One Where Lucifer killed me, again.'

'Geez, are all these doors labeled like episodes of 'Friends'?' Dean wondered, while at the same time unable to stop the slight twinge of a smile that came on his face. 'Just when I thought Cass couldn't get any dorkier.'

Dean looks at the other string of doors on the other side of the hall, and noticed that none of them were labeled. He even tried to open one, but it was locked up tight.

'Dean? Dean, can you hear me?'

Dean was startled by the sound of Jack's voice echoing through his head. "Jack? Where are you?"

'I'm still at the bunker. I lost track of you in The Empty. I'm using the tether I put on the Amulet to reach out to you telepathically. What happened? Are you asleep right now?'

Dean didn't think about Jack losing track of him once he fell asleep. Of course Jack, Sam, and everybody else back on Earth had no idea what was happening. Dean figures he needs to tell him what's going on.

"Yeah, I, uh.... I couldn't get Cass to wake up, so The Shadow sent me into his mind to see if I could wake him up from the inside." Suddenly, Dean wonders if Jack knows about this mysterious white hallway. "Uh, Jack, do you know about this endless hallway of doors in Cass's head?"

'Yes, I do. I saw them when I tried to wake him up. It's a representation of his memory of Heaven.' Jack explained. 'Only, instead of each door leading to a different person's Heaven, those doors lead to different memories. Cass's memories.'

A wave of astonishment washed over Dean's mind. This was Heaven? Dean figured it must have been a backstage type area, where the Angels could roam around freely beyond the souls that were in Heaven.

"Okay. But what about all these blank doors?" Dean asked. "And these other doors that have cheesy 'Friends'-like labels?"

'The side of doors that are labeled are his bad memories.' Jack explains. 'The other ones are good memories, and they're not blank, they're just blocked beyond his reach. I tried opening them too when I was in his mind, but I couldn't. Cass is the only one who can unlock them, but you first have to get him to try.'

Dean slowly started to walk down the hall take a closer look at each of the doors. The other string of doors that appeared blank did have labels on them after all, but they weren't legible. As he carefully examined one door, he saw that the label was clouded with fog, or mist, or something like that. Dean raised his hand up to wipe the stuff off the label. And as he did, words started to emerge on the door. The label read 'The One When I First met Jack.'. Dean smiled, knowing that one was definitely a good memory. Because that was right after he and Sam realized Cass had come back to life after the first time he went to The Empty.

Dean slowly continues walking and looks at the labeled doors to the left of him. As he walked, he noticed some doors looked a bit different from others. They had cracks in them, almost like someone tried to beat them with a sledgehammer.

The first door he noticed that was cracked was labeled 'The One Where Dean Kicked Me Out of The Bunker'. Dean's stomach turned at the site of that label. But he wondered why there were cracks in that door.

"Jack, do you know what it means when one of these doors is cracked?"

'Yeah.' Dean could practically feel Jack cringe by the tone in his voice. 'Those are when his memories are warped by his own fears. When they turn into nightmares.'

Dean already knew what a bad memory that was, he didn't even want to think about how it could be made even worse. But Dean couldn't stop himself from opening that door and looking inside. As he opened that door, a familiar room was revealed. The library at the bunker. Cass was sitting at one of the tables eating a burrito. Dean sees himself walk up towards the ex-angel. "Cass, can we talk?" His memory-self asks him.

Cass sets his burrito down on the table and leans over to pull out a chair for Dean to sit down in. "Of course." He responds. "Dean, you know I always appreciate our talks. And our time together."

Dean remembered the stabbing sensation in the stomach that line gave him the first time he heard it, mainly because of the guilt he felt for what he was about to do. He watched the dream-Dean sit at the edge of the table, in front of Cass. "Listen, um...." Dean gets a lump in his throat as he watches his memory-self and remembers what he's about to say. "You can't stay."

Right after that is said, Dean sees the whole room start to flicker a little, almost like an old movie that was buffering. Dean looks again at the dream-Dean, and notices a crack suddenly appears on the table where he was sitting, just like the crack in the door. The expression on dream-Dean's face also changed. He looked.... angry. Dean realizes this must be where Cass's memory shifts into a nightmare.

"I don't understand." He hears Cass say to him.

Dream-Dean stands up from the table and looks down at Cass, intense hatred burning from his eyes. "What? You thought you were actually gonna stay here?" Cass stands up and starts to back away from dream-Dean, absolute shock and fear radiating from his eyes. Dean watches his dream-self slowly walk towards him as he continues on. "You thought that Sam and I would want you around now that you don't have your grace?! After you let Metatron take it from you, let him cast all the Angels out of Heaven?! You really think we would want a powerless screw-up like you around?!!"

Dean felt rocked to his very core. Was that what Cass really thought of himself, or was it what he thought Dean had thought of him? Either way, Dean couldn't bear to listen to this anymore. He rushes his way into the room and tries to get himself between Cass and his dream-self. "Cass, don't listen to him! That's not what happened! That's not why! That's not how I felt!"

Cass's eyes continue to stay focused on the dream-Dean. "Dean, please..." He begs. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"You never mean for anything to happen!!!" The dream-Dean shouts at him. "You're always screwing things up!! Because you're a stupid, self-righteous, whiny little bitch who always thinks he can make things better, when all he ever actually does is make things worse!!"

Dean wanted nothing more than to punch his doppelganger in the face, but he knew it would be pointless, seeing as how nothing in there was real. It was just a nightmare. Cass was the only thing in there that was real. Dean had to get through to him!

"Cass, listen to me! That's not what I think of you! You have to know that!" But despite Dean's persistence, Cass continues to slowly back away, looking like a frightened animal. His breath shuttered, and tears started to roll down his face. Dean keeps trying to talk to him. "None of this is real! It's all in your head! You've gotta snap out of this, Cass!"

"Dean.... please...." Cass begs through a choked up voice. "I'm sorry...."

Dream-Dean walks past the real Dean and grabs a fistful of Cass's shirt. Cass flinches as he gets pulled in close so that their faces are inches away from each other. "No, you're not." Dream-Dean says with a menacing tone. "But you will be." He says as he raises a fist like he's going to hit Cass.

"NO!!" Dean rushes in and tries to separate Cass from his evil twin, but before he can lay a hand on him, both Cass and dream-Dean disappear into thin air. Dean starts breathing heavily, completely freaked out. Where was Cass now? He decides to head to the door and back into the white hallway of memories, before he can make his way out the door, the whole dwelling starts to shift and change. He was still in the Men of Letters library, but it was different now. Most, if not all the books, had been ripped off the shelves and stacked into a huge pile in the middle of the floor. There were a couple of dead bodies on the floor. The Stynes. Dean remembered back when he had The Mark of Cain, and how he slaughtered the Stynes. He couldn't even really control himself anymore, he was just a mindless killing machine, full of anger and hatred.

He sees himself and Cass again, only this time his dream-self was covered in blood, beating Cass up, breaking his bones, tossing him across the room like a rag doll. Dean had desperately tried to block out that moment from his own memory. He knew that the Mark was corrupting him, warping his mind, making him a monster, but to actually see himself in that way, it genuinely scared Dean. He helplessly watched as his dream-self continued to beat up Cass, all the while the Angel kept begging him to stop. The dream-Dean grabs Cass and throws him onto one of the tables. He grabs the back of Cass's coat, yanks him up, and starts slamming him into the table repeatedly.

"Stop it!" Even though he knew it wasn't real, Dean can't help but yell at his other self. "STOP IT, YOU SON OF A BITCH!! STOP IT!!!"

The other Dean finally throws Cass down onto the floor. He grabs him and rolls him over onto his back and grabs Cass's Angel Blade as it accidentally falls out of his coat sleeve. He picks it up and makes like he was going to stab Cass with it.

Dean felt like his heart was being ripped out and torn to shreds as he looked down at his best friend, who was now a crumpled, bloody mess. All because of Dean.

"Dean...." Cass begs as blood continues to slowly leak out of his mouth. "Please....."

Dream-Dean finally slams the blade down on a book right next to Cass's head. He turns and walks out of the room, leaving the broken Angel on the floor. "You and Sam stay the hell away from me! Next time, I won't miss!!"

Dean felt like a deer caught in headlights. He remembered when this all happened the first time, but because of the Mark's influence, he was so far under that he couldn't see the true horror of what he had done. And after the Mark was removed, he was so ashamed, but he pushed it down. He didn't want to let himself think about it. It was too painful. But now, to see it play out again right in front of him, Dean felt such shame, guilt, and despair hit him like a two ton wrecking ball.

Dean watched as Cass eventually tried to sit up off the floor, groaning in pain from the various injuries he had received. The Angel staggered as he tried to stand up, clutching his torso. He stumbled out of the library into the map room, and ended up leaning against the table, still coughing up blood. Dean rushed over as he saw that the Angel looked like he was about to fall again. He caught him and helped him stand up straight, but Cass still did not acknowledge Dean's presence, he just continued to groan in pain from all of his broken bones.

Dean desperately fought the urge to throw up as he took a good long look at what he had done to his best friend. "Cass, I..." Dean's voice shook as he tried to talk. "I'm sorry. I am so damn sorry. You were trying to help me... and I... I almost killed you...." Tears fell from Dean's eyes. 'How could I do that to him?' He thought. 'How could I let myself do that to him?!'

"Cass?!" Dean gets pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of his brother's voice coming from down the hall of the bunker. Eventually, Sam's tall figure stood in the doorway of the room. As his eyes landed on the injured, blood soaked Angel, his face instantly became riddled with horror. "Oh, my God. Cass!" Sam shouts as he runs over to him. Dean backs away as he watches the memory of his little brother help Cass.

Dean sees Sam's eyes dart back and forth between Cass, and the scene in the library with a pile of books on the floor and the dead bodies.

As Sam helped Cass prop up against the table, the Angel started to cough up another small amount of blood. "Easy, easy. I've got you." Sam says as he wraps one arm around Cass's back and places his other hand on his chest, trying to keep him up straight. "Cass, what happened? Did--..... did Dean do this?" Dean couldn't help but wince at the tone of his brother's voice, like he didn't want to believe it was true.

"He... he was here..." Cass says with a raspy voice. "I... I tried... to stop him. Sam, he's.... he's gone." Cass coughed as he desperately tried to speak. "Dean-- he's so far gone...."

The memory of Sam shuts his eyes for a moment, clearly trying to fight back tears. He helps Cass stand up away from the table, and wraps the Angels' arm around the back of his neck. "Come on, let's get you to the infirmary. You can heal yourself, right?"

"Yes, but it could... take me a little while." Cass says, still coughing. "And, I would like... a place to rest... while I do."

Sam nods and helps the Angel onto his feet. "Okay, come on, let's go. I got ya." He says. Dean helplessly watched as his little brother half-carried his best friend down the hall towards the infirmary.

Dean couldn't take this anymore. He quickly walks back through the library towards the door that lead to the white, heavenly hallway. As he shuts the door behind him, Dean looks at the label on it. It reads 'The One Where Dean Almost Killed Me.' Dean clamped his hand over his mouth, desperately fighting back the bile that rose in his throat. He then pressed his back against the door, his legs folded underneath him, and he sat on the floor, completely defeated. His head fell back until it touched the door, his eyes shut, and his throat became tight as guilt and sorrow welled up inside him. He had only seen a few of Cass's memories, and he was already starting to see why it was so easy for Cass to drown in them. Especially after that memory. Dean felt like he was drowning himself.

'Dean?'

Dean barely flinched as he heard Jack's voice again in his mind. "Hey, kid." He said half-heartedly.

'What happened?'

Dean scoffs a little at that question. "Me. I happened."

Chapter Text

-----------------
SAM'S POV.

Jack had managed to contact Dean in The Empty and found out why he was asleep. Apparently, The Shadow had sent him into Cass's mind to try and wake him up. He was currently witnessing some of Cass's worst memories. Sam could only imagine what he was possibly seeing at this moment.

Sam felt so helpless. His brother and his best friend were stuck in The Empty, and he couldn't do anything except stand there and wait for them to come back. Sam glanced down at his watch and saw that there was less than 30 minutes left on the clock before the portal closed up.

Jack once again acted like he was trying to focus, his eyes were closed, and his head turned a bit almost like he was trying to listen to something.

"Jack?" Sam asked. "What's up?"

"It's.... it's Dean." Jack finally answers, sounding strained. "He's in pain."

Sam straightens up instantly at the sound of that news. Was the Shadow torturing him, too? Rage and determination rose up inside Sam like magma in a volcano. If he had to, he would jump right into that portal and go get Dean and Cass himself. No way was he going to let both of them suffer there because of that cosmic monster!

Jack obviously picked up on Sam's rage, because he quickly speaks. "It's not physical, it's... emotional. And I don't think The Shadow is doing this to him. I think Dean has seen something in Cass's memories. Something that's really got to him."

Sam relaxed a little as he understood what Jack was telling him. But what could Dean be seeing? Sam knew that he, Dean, and Cass had had their ups and downs in the past. He wasn't sure how to narrow it all down.

"I'm going to try and talk to him again." Jack says, interrupting his thoughts.

Sam knew that Jack was trying to help, and he was beyond grateful, but he wondered if maybe he could talk to Dean too. Sam knew he would probably have a better understanding of whatever was going on between Dean and Cass right now.

"Wait, Jack? Can you get me in there, too? Dean's head, I mean." Sam clarifies. "I wanna help."

Jack looks up at Sam and finally nods his head. Jack's eyes begin to glow with their bright gold aura as he raised his hand to the side of Sam's head. The tips of his fingers glowed with the same aura as he touched Sam's temple. Little streams of light stretched across the side of Sam's head, and his eyes began to glow with the same aura as Jack's.

"Now close your eyes and listen." Jack instructed him.

Sam did as the young God told him and closed his eyes. Listening, waiting for whatever was next.

"Dean?" He hears Jack call out.

After a few seconds of waiting Sam finally hears his brother's voice, echoing in his head. 'Hey, kid.' Sam could tell that something was definitely wrong. Dean sounded upset. Before Sam can ask him, Jack beats him to it.

"What happened?"

Sam hears a light scoff sound come from his brother before he finally answers. 'Me. I happened.'

-----------------
DEAN'S POV.

Dean sat there in the white hallway of Cass's mind, in shock over what he had just seen. The memory of himself with The Mark of Cain, beating Cass to a pulp and nearly killing him. Seeing himself as that ruthless, heartless monster, it was more than Dean could stand. Dean knew there were plenty of other bad memories to go through, and he had to wade through each of them until he had finally gotten through to Cass.

The Shadow said that Cass had to let go of his pain and fear, that he had to remember all the good things in his life. But from what little Dean could already gather, there was clearly so much pain and trauma. Some of which was caused by him. Dean didn't know how he was supposed to get through to Cass, how he could make him let go of all that pain, when Dean himself wasn't sure he could let go of it either.

Dean could practically feel Jack's presence as his voice still echoed in his head. 'You saw some of Cass's bad memories of you, didn't you?' He asked.

Dean hesitated, not knowing how he wanted to answer that question. First, the memory that involved him kicking Cass out of the bunker, which got warped by Cass's pain and turned into a nightmare. And the memory after that was even worse, because it already felt like a nightmare without being warped. "Just a couple," He finally answered. "but the last one was more than enough."

'Dean, you know that wasn't your fault, right?' Jack tells him, clearly reading his mind. 'When you had The Mark of Cain? You know that Cass knows that wasn't the real you? The you that we all know and love,.... the you that he loves.'

Dean got a lump in his throat from that line. He still couldn't figure out why Cass loved him? What did he ever do to deserve that?

'Cass knows that you never would have hurt him like that if you were in your right mind. Believe me, Dean, I know what that's like.

'I know what it's like to lose yourself. I know what it's like to make horrible mistakes, and to hurt people you care for. Like.... what happened with Mary.'

Dean winced at the mention of his mother.

'She may be at peace now in Heaven, but I still haven't forgiven myself for what I did. I had burned off most of my soul, I was angry and upset, and she tried to help me, and I.....' Jack's voice choked as he clearly couldn't finish that sentence. 'I never wanted to hurt her, and if my soul had still been intact, I know I wouldn't have. I loved her very much. She treated me like one of her own sons.'

'I know what that's like too, Dean.' Dean was surprised to hear Sam's voice start to echo through his head. "Sammy?"

'Yeah, it's me.' Sam confirms. 'Remember back when I lost 'my' soul? I did a lot of terrible things. Hell, I even tried to kill Bobby.' Dean cringed at that memory. 'Or remember back when I was hooked on demon blood? You tried to help me, but I didn't listen. I just let Ruby manipulate me.'

"Sam...." Dean started to protest, but his brother cuts him off.

'No, Dean, it's the truth.' Sam continues. 'My point is, we've all been there. We've all lost ourselves, and we've all done things we regret. But we've never given up on each other. We've always found a way to bring each other back. You never gave up on me, and I've never given up on you.'

'Cass never gave up on you either.' Jack points out. 'And neither have I.'

Dean just sat there, processing what his family was telling him. They had faith in him. Despite his mistakes, they still had faith in him, just like he had faith in them.

'And now, for your sake, and Cass's, you can't give up on yourself.' Jack tells him. 'Cass is lost, scared, and hurt. And he needs your strength to fight through his pain. He needs you, Dean. He needs to know you haven't given up on him.'

Dean realized Jack was right. Though he wasn't sure he could have much faith in himself, he knew he had to try, for Cass. He stands up off the floor, ready to once again look through the hall of memories.

"Okay. But there's too many memories to go through." Dean explains to them, feeling frustrated. "I almost got through to Cass once, but then he got drawn back in. How am I supposed to find him? There's so many friggin' doors here!"

'That's true.' Jack agrees. 'His mind does keep shifting from memory to memory, and it's impossible to know which memory his mind will be caught in next.'

'What about the Amulet?' Dean hears Sam ask. 'If he can use it to track Cass in the Empty, can he also use it to track him through his mind?'

'Yes, that could work!' Jack confirms. 'Dean, go up to each of Cass's memories and use the Amulet. If it starts glowing, then you'll know that's where he is.'

Dean nods his head. "Okay. Thanks, guys. Wish me luck."

'Good luck, Dean.' Sam says to him.

Dean reaches up and clutches the Amulet that still hung from his neck, even in this dream world, and starts making his way down the hall. This time, he doesn't even waste time reading labels, he just starts opening random doors. The first door he opens reveals a dark dingy room, and Cass is strung up by his wrists, screaming in pain as two men, most likely angels, start cutting into him with angel blades. Dean cringes as he watches this memory play out, but then he releases his grip on the Amulet, and sees that it's not glowing. So he moves on to the next door.

The next one revealed a bar. Dean sees Cass and Mary sitting together and talking.

"Did you hear about the murders in Lancaster, Missouri?" Cass asked her. "Women with their throats ripped out, and the blood drained?"

"Vampire." Mary sighs.

Dean sees the Amulet is still not glowing, but he couldn't help but find out where this conversation was leading. Dean walks through the door, over to the bar and sits right next to Cass as he hears his conversation with his mother.

"I saw that on the news and I thought 'that's the kind of thing Sam and Dean would investigate.' They would roll into town, kill the monsters, save the day. But with them gone....."

'Gone?' Dean was a bit confused at first, but then he realized this must have been when he and Sam were in prison after they tried to save the President from Lucifer.

"...I don't know what I did wrong. I asked questions, but maybe they were the wrong people, or the wrong questions...... and three more women died... before I left town. Before I ran away."

"Damn, Cass." Dean sighs. He couldn't help but feel immense empathy for his Angel right then. He knew that Cass wasn't really good at talking to people. He was always socially awkward. Fighting and killing monsters, he was great at that, no doubt. But Dean never stopped to realize how hard it actually was for him to be a hunter. Dean and Sam were always so good at talking with people, whether it was police officers or witnesses or family members. They were good at getting information, as well as reading people, being able to tell whether they were being honest or deceitful. Cass always struggled with that. 'Just another moment where I wasn't there for him.' Dean thought, feeling so ashamed.

Dean notices the sincerity in Mary's eyes as she talks to Cass. "So, we go back. You and me."

"No." Cass replies, looking so hopeless. "No, I'd only get in your way."

That line felt like a stab to the heart. Dean had no idea that Cass had such little confidence in himself. Cass was once a very formidable Angel of the Lord, as badass as they come. And Dean still saw him that way. He didn't understand how Cass could think so little of himself.

Dean quickly decides to leave this memory and try another door. The next door revealed a dark hall lit with torches. This looked like Hell. It was a similar kind of hallway he saw when he, Sam, and Cass had gone to hell to find Michael, and learned that Rowena had become The Queen of Hell. In the hall stood Cass, and.... Jack? Wearing sunglasses? No, that wasn't Jack, it was the demon Belphegor, who had possessed Jack's body after Chuck killed him and burned his eyes out.

Belphegor was using some kind of horn to pull in the souls that had escaped from Hell, and was pulling them into himself. Cass eventually tackles him to the ground and starts punching him repeatedly until the sunglasses fall off his face.

"Cass..." The demon begs, causing Cass to hesitate. "Stop... please...." Even though Dean knew it was an act, he couldn't help but cringe at the sound of Jack's voice whimpering, begging.

Belphegor still tries to sucker Cass in. "It's me.... Jack..."

"Lair!" Cass says through a strained, angry voice.

Dean watched as Cass's blue eyes started to glow with fierce intensity. He raises his hand up and slams his palm down onto Belphegor's forehead. The demon's eyes and mouth burned with an intense white light as the Angel vaporized him from the inside out. The light got so bright that Dean had to cover his eyes for a moment. As a light receded, Dean lowered his hand and saw a horrifying sight. "Holy crap."

Normally, when an angel smote a demon, the body would still be mostly intact, aside from the burnt out eyes. But Cass was clearly full of so much anger and grief that he went above and beyond. On the ground before him was nothing but a charred up skeleton. Jack's skeleton! Dean felt a huge lump in his throat. He had seen family members and friends killed before, covered in blood and/or bruises, but he had never seen anyone he cared about look like this before. Somehow, this was way more disturbing. Even though it wasn't really Jack, it was still.... Jack.

Cass just sat there on his knees in absolute shock, not even crying, just staring up with glassy eyes, his breathing shaky.

Dean saw that the amulet still wasn't glowing. Trying to shake away his own shock, he decides to move on to the next memory.

The next door he opened revealed pitch black. The kind of pitch black he had only seen just recently. This was the Empty! As Dean leans his head in through the doorway to take a better look inside, not that far off, he sees Cass and..... Cass? There were two Castiel's, one of which was on the floor groaning in pain, and the other stood before him talking, sounding like an evil Kermit the Frog.

"Having you awake, it's like a nat flew right up here," Evil Cass says as he angrily taps his temple. "And it's trapped, and it's buzzing!"

Dean quickly realized this was The Shadow in Cass's form! Just when he thought The Shadow couldn't get any creepier.

"Then get rid of me." He hears the real Cass tell him. "Send me back to Earth."

"That's not part of the deal." Shadow Cass says while shaking his head. "No, no. Besides, you don't want to go back."

"Yes, I do." Cass retorts. "Sam and Dean need me."

Dean couldn't help but smile a little at that. 'Hell yeah we do, pal.' He thinks.

"Oh, save it!" Shadow Cass says as he walks over and squats down in front of Cass. "I have tiptoed through all your little tulips." He says well tapping his fingers across the top of Cass's head. "Your memories. Your little feelings, yes. I know what you hate, I know who you love,... what you fear. There is nothing for you back there, no."

'...I know who you love.....'

'...There is nothing for you back there....'

Those lines echoed endlessly through Dean's head, anger and guilt spun inside of him like a top. Cass loved Dean, but he didn't think that Dean could love him back. The Shadow had prayed on Cass's fears and doubts, and tortured him with them. And now, it was happening all over again! Dean pushed his feelings away as best he could and moved on down the hallway.

Door after door, memory after memory, each one more upsetting than the last.

Ramiel, Prince of Hell, stabbing Cass in the stomach with the Lance of Michael. Cass dying, rotting from the inside.

"You're my family." He says to Dean, Sam, and Mary. "I love you..... I love all of you."

A dark alleyway where Cass sat on the curb, draping his thin jacket over his head as cold, hard rain poured down on him.

Cass wearing scrubs, sitting on the floor of a mental hospital. Huddled in the corner of the room, looking like a frightened animal as his knees were tucked under his chin, and his arms wrapped around his scrunched up legs. All the while hearing a man's laughter echo throughout the room. Lucifer's laughter.

Cass possessed by Leviathan's, losing control, slaughtering innocent people. Then finally, his entire body dripped with black ooze as he staggered into a big lake.

Cass wearing scrubs again, underneath his trench coat, in Bobby's cabin in Montana. Dean yelling at him.

"No one cares that you're broken, Cass! Clean up your mess!"

That memory made Dean cringe. In fact, with each memory Dean saw of himself, he felt more and more shame.

"Without your powers, you're just a baby and a trench coat!"

"You're dead to me."

"Yeah, we can help. And make sure you don't do anything else stupid."

"You know this, Dean. Something always goes wrong."

"Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?"

Dean wasn't sure how much more of this he could take. Then finally, he sees one of Cass's memory doors that looked different from all the rest. It had cracks in it, much like the nightmare doors, but it was the label on the door that caught Dean's attention. It read '1,000...'.

'A thousand? A thousand what?' Dean wondered. Then suddenly, the amulet started to glow bright. He realized this was it, this was the door that would lead him to Cass. The real Cass! But he still wondered what the label on this door could possibly have meant.

With caution, Dean reaches out and turns the doorknob. The door slowly creaks open and reveals a dark room. It looked like an abandoned warehouse. Dean steps in, looking around, trying to figure out what this place could be. There was very dim lighting in the room, it was almost impossible to see anything.

With the amulet still glowing, Dean decides to lift it up and use it as a makeshift lantern. As he walks, he trips over something. Dean uses the amulet and looks down on the floor to see what it was. It was a dead body! A man. Dean couldn't tell who this person was, the body was laying on its side. He reaches down towards the man's shoulder and rolls him over onto his back. The face he saw made his blood run cold. It was himself!

Utterly freaked out, Dean backs away from the body and ends up bumping the wall, where he sees a light switch. He flips the switch on, and as he does, a few more dim lights slowly turn on, some of them slightly flickering. The room was still dark, but not as dark as it was before, and now with some more light on the subject, Dean could see that it wasn't just one dead body on the floor.

As Dean looked out, he saw other versions of himself on the floor. Dead. Dozens of dead Deans, no, hundreds! All on the floor, broken and/or bloody. Some had stab wounds in the chest. Others had broken necks. Some were just straight up twisted like pretzels. 'What the hell is this?' Dean wondered, completely horrified.

Dean tried to get a grip on himself, and continued walking through the room, occasionally stepping over his dead doppelgangers. Eventually, he came to a section of the room where one single light shined down from the ceiling, brighter than all the other dim lights. Below that light on the floor.... was Cass! He was on his knees, slightly trembling as he bowed his head. His breathing was wet and shaky, like he had been crying recently. As Dean stepped closer, he noticed Cass was clutching an angel blade in his hand. It was soaked in blood.... Dean's blood.

Dean looked down at the Amulet and saw that it was burning even brighter than before. He steps forward and calls out to the Angel. "Cass?"

Cass slightly flinches, but he doesn't turn around see who called him.

The light in the Amulet goes out as Dean shoves it under his shirt and steps closer to Cass, trying to speak to him again.

"Cass, it's me,..... Dean."

Chapter Text

CASTIEL'S POV.

Castiel's existence felt like nothing more than pain and misery now. All of his worst memories, worst fears, his biggest regrets, they just continued to play in his head over and over again. He couldn't even remember what it felt like to be happy anymore, if he ever was at all.

While lost in his memories, Castiel still could not free himself from the Shadow. It occasionally appeared to him in the form of his own adopted son, Jack. Acting like it wanted to rescue him, to bring him back home to his family. But Cass knew it was a lie. He was never going to see his family again, not for real anyway. He was going to be trapped in the Empty forever,..... because it was where he belonged. It was where he deserved to be, for all the mistakes he had made, all the damage he had caused on Earth, in Heaven, and especially towards the Winchester's, the family that he loved so much. He had hurt and betrayed them more times than he could even remember. He didn't deserve them, he didn't deserve to have a family. He didn't deserve to be saved,..... to be loved. Certainly not by Dean.

At one point, Castiel was reliving one of his memories, one where he was told he was expendable, and he knew it was true. It did however feel different this time, because for a brief moment, Cass could have sworn he had heard Dean's voice.

'You are not expendable..... You're family....... You've always been there for me... For Sam... For Jack....... You 'are' a real hero. You--.... you are everything to me......... Cass, please..... just look at me.'

Was that really Dean? No, it couldn't have been, could it? Cass had to be sure. He tried to let go of his memory just for a brief moment to see the person that was talking to him. Castiel could see his face, despite how faded it was. It looked like Dean, sounded like Dean. Was it really him?

Mustering up what little strength he could find, Castiel calls out to him. "D..Dean?"

"Yeah! Yeah, Cass, it's me. It's Dean. I'm here."

Castiel wanted to believe it was really him, but a sudden wave of fear sent doubt through his mind. 'No!' He tells himself. 'It's just another trick, don't fall for it!' And with that, Castiel goes back to his worst memories, where he can get his well-earned penance.

----------------

Castiel keeps going through his most terrible moments, along with some of his worst nightmares, occasionally hearing Dean's voice in the distance calling out to him. He knew it wasn't real, The Shadow was just trying to manipulate him again. But he did wonder why the Shadow kept pursuing him. He was already suffering, what more did the Shadow want from him? Why did it keep coming to him, pretending to be people he cared for?

As his mind swims with confusion, Castiel ends up caught in one of his worst memories ever. When he was brainwashed by Naomi, her forcing him to practice killing Dean over and over and over again. But it felt even worse this time. This moment replayed itself in his mind constantly, and in different ways than before. It felt more intense, more painful, like a never-ending nightmare.

He hears Naomi's voice echoing in his head. "Kill him, Castiel!" A replica of Dean would appear in front of him, and Cass would kill him. He wouldn't even be able to control his own body, he just felt himself being moved like a puppet by her words.

"Kill him!" She commands him again. Cass feels his hand hold his angel blade, lifting it up in front of himself, ready to stab the imitation of Dean. "Please...." He begs her. "Please stop...." His hand trembles as he tries to fight her control.

"This is a direct order, Castiel! KILL HIM NOW!!'

Naomi's will over him was just too strong. He feels his blade plunge into Dean's chest. Cass screams in agony, as if he had stabbed himself instead. Even though he knew it wasn't the real Dean, it still did not make it any less painful. The idea alone of hurting Dean, of killing him, was more than he could bear. This went on several times, in several different scenarios, more brutal each time. Feeling himself killing the man he loved... in over a thousand different ways. Occasionally, it would stop just for a moment so Cass could look around and see what he had done. All the different Deans, dead in all the different ways. Then the loop would reset. Again, and again, and again.

At some point during the end of one of the loops, Cass collapsed down to his knees and started crying. He looks down at his Angel blade, which is now completely drenched in Dean's blood. He felt the warm liquid drip down onto his hand, which only made him cry even harder. He wanted more than anything to be free from this nightmare, but he also knew that what he wanted and what he deserved were two very different things.

Cass sat there on his knees for what felt like a long time, still crying. At some point he hears the light sound of footsteps coming up from behind him. He figured it was probably Naomi. Cass lightly sobs as he waits for the nightmare to reset itself again.

"Cass?"

Castiel flinches as he hears a voice call out to him. It was definitely not Naomi's. It sounded like.... Dean. Cass's breath shutters at that thought, he knew it couldn't be real. 'Don't turn around,' He told himself. 'Don't acknowledge it. It's not real.'

"Cass it's me,.... Dean."

'No, it's not. It never is.' The Angel slightly trembles as he forces himself not to turn around. 'Just ignore it. Maybe it'll go away.'

Castiel trembles a bit more as he hears the footsteps again, coming even closer to him. A flash of denim catches the corner of his eye before he bows his head away from it, trying not to look at the person who had just approached him. It wasn't Dean, it couldn't be.

Cass feels a strong hand, gently but firmly, grab a hold of his shoulder. He flinches at the contact, and shut his eyes to avoid looking at the person The Shadow was pretending to be.

"Come on, Cass, look at me." The entity persisted. "Open your eyes and look at me."

Cass kept his eyes shut, and shook his head, all the while repeating to himself 'It's not real, it's not real, it's not real.'

He must have said it out loud, because the entity speaks to him again. "Cass, I am real! Come on, it's me!"

"Go away." That time he knew he spoke out loud. Cass's voice cracks in painful strain as he begs again. "Just please go away."

He feels another hand grab his other shoulder, and hears the imitation of Dean's voice even closer to his face now. "No Cass, I am not leaving you, not ever! I came here to bring you home. We need you, Cass. I need you! I.... I can't live without you."

The sadness that was in the entity's voice caught Cass's attention. It sounded.... genuine,... real even. 'Is it really him?' Cass wondered. But another flash of fear ran through his mind, and blocked out any feelings of false-hope The Shadow had just conjured up for him. Why was The Shadow doing this to him? Toying with his emotions, making him feel worse than he already did. What more did The Shadow want from him?! Anger and fear swirled around in Cass's mind. He couldn't take this anymore. With every ounce of strength he could find, Castiel opens his eyes and raised his hands towards the entity's chest, shoving it off of himself with great force, causing it to nearly land on the dead Dean duplicates in the room.

Cass stares at the Shadow Dean, and screams at the top of his lungs with pure anger and agony.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!!!!"

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DEAN'S POV.

Dean grunts as he sits up from the floor where Cass just shoved him. He didn't understand. He thought maybe he had finally gotten through to Cass. Dean saw his eyes finally open, and then in that split second, Dean felt the Angel's strong hands practically throw him across the floor. And then as Dean tried to sit up, he was startled by the almost unrecognizable sound of Castiel's screaming voice.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!!!!!"

Dean whipped his head up at the blood curdling scream to see Cass's eyes filled with so much pain, rage, and fear.

"I gave you what you wanted! I came through on my end of the deal!" The distraught Angel shouts. "I didn't mean to wake up again! I never meant to disturb you, and you just keep tormenting me!!"

'He thinks I'm The Shadow!' Dean realized. He tries to speak to him again. "Cass, I'm not The Shadow! It's me, Dean!"

Castiel shook his head, still not believing him. "Does the misery I already have not please you?! You have to keep showing up as people I care for?! First Jack, now Dean!! Keep toying with my heart?! WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!!"

Dean could practically feel the pain pulsing off of his best friend. The Angel bows his head again, trying not to look at him anymore. Dean had never seen Cass lose it like this before, and yet considering everything he had been through, Dean realized that this breakdown was long overdue. He stands up off of the floor and slowly walks back towards Cass. Dean speaks as softly as he can.

"Cass? Hey. You need to listen to me, okay?"

Cass lightly sobs as he stares down at the blood-soaked angel blade that was still in his hand. Dean stops and wonders about the current memory that Cass was stuck in. It didn't really make much sense. Clearly it was a nightmare, but Dean remembered that all of Cass's other nightmares were based off of real memories. Which means this room filled with a bunch of dead Dean's.... actually happened? How? Dean figures he needs to ease his way into this. If he knew what this memory was, maybe he could help Cass see the truth.

"Cass, can you tell me what this memory is?"

Nervous laughter slightly breaks through Cass's sobbing as he continues to stare down. "You've seen all of my memories. You know exactly what this is!"

Dean hated that Cass still believed he was The Shadow, but he keeps trying to get him to talk. "Just tell me anyway."

Cass lifts his head up and stares at the ceiling, purposely avoiding eye contact. Tears continue to stream down from his glazed eyes. "This was in Heaven. Where Naomi...... conditioned me."

"Conditioned you?" Dean did not like how that sounded.

"She knew that Dean was my weakness. That given the choice between him or Heaven, I would choose him without a second thought.

"So she brought me here, where she made me practice killing him over and over again."

Dean felt frozen where he stood as he listened, completely horrified by what Cass was telling him.

"The first few times, I would beg her to stop. I was not able to control myself, she would just say 'Kill him!' and I would feel myself do it.... without hesitation." Castiel's voice breaks as he continues on. "The more I tried to fight it, the more painful it was! I just wanted it to stop! I never wanted to hurt Dean. I never....."

Dean had never seen Cass like this before. It broke his heart to see his Angel in so much pain. Cass lowers his head and his eyes begin to wander aimlessly around the room, looking at the numerous dead Deans. "At some point I just stopped fighting it. I just let it happen.... And I could feel all my feelings of pain, shame, and fear just fade away. No thoughts, no feelings, just Heaven's will...."

"You mean Naomi's will." Dean corrects. Dean knew a thing about unbearable torture, all thanks to that demonic bastard, Alistair. Being forced to hurt someone when you didn't want to. And this was even worse for Cass, because at least for Dean, the souls that he tortured in Hell were people that he didn't even know, people he didn't even care about. Well no, he did care about them, obviously, but not the same way he would if it was... someone he loved. 'Damn that bitch!' Dean thought. 'She better be dead! If not, she will be when I get my hands on her!'

This whole thing made Dean's stomach turn inside out. Seeing the absolute despair in Cass's eyes was just too much. Dean had to make him see the truth. He speaks again as he slowly steps towards his best friend.

"Cass, listen to me. None of this was your fault. Naomi used you. She brainwashed you. She treated your feelings like it was a wet rag that she could just ring out until there was nothing left. But you fought it. Remember? That day in the crypt? You regained control. You stopped yourself from killing me.... because you knew I was real."

Castiel closed his eyes and shook his head, still not believing. Dean gestures around the room as he continues. "All of these dummies on the floor, you knew they were fake. But when you saw me, when you 'heard' me, you knew I was real, and you stopped yourself."

Cass bows head again, still sobbing. Dean steps a bit closer, until he can kneel down right in front of him. "I was real then, just like I'm real right now. And I think deep down you know that. Come on, Cass, you can beat this. I believe that, I.... I believe in you."

Cass lifts his head up until his eyes meet with Dean's. He was still crying, but there was a slight twinge of a smile on his face. For a moment, Dean thought Cass had finally seen him.

"I must admit, you're getting better with these imitations."

And just like that, Dean's hopes crashed down. That smile Cass had on his face was just a smile of hopelessness, and denial.

"But I know it's not real," The Angel continues as his smile disappears. "Because the real Dean, he wouldn't come for me. I did nothing but disappoint him. He didn't have any faith in me. And he would always make me feel worse for whatever mistakes I had made."

Dean eyes became wide with shock. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Surely Cass didn't really believe that? "Is that what you think?" His voice broke as he asked, afraid of the potential answer. "That that's all I ever did to you?"

Cass scoffs and looks away. "It's not all he ever did to me, but it did make it easier."

"Made what easier?"

"Keeping my feelings to myself."

Guilt pounded at Dean's heart. Dean was never really good at showing his feelings, or letting others show theirs. There was no telling how much stuff Cass had buried deep inside of him for all these years. Feelings that he was too scared to let out because he didn't know how to handle them. But most of all, he didn't have anyone that he thought he could confide in.

"I'm an angel, I'm not supposed to have feelings, not feelings like this anyway. I used to be strong. Formidable. A true soldier of Heaven. But ever since I've come to Earth, ever since I've met Sam and Dean, I've become weaker and weaker everyday. I let my emotions blind me to the truth."

Dean stares at Cass as he completely unravels.

"That I never deserved.... to have a family. I never deserved to be happy.... to be loved."

Hearing all of that made Dean angry. Because he knew it was a load of crap that wasn't true! That was all just a bunch of junk that other Angels screwed into his brain! 'Self-righteous bastards!'

Dean grabs the collar of Cass's trench coat and yanks him forward until their faces are inches away from each other.

"Cass, shut up, that's not true! None of it is!" He persists. "You're not weak. You may not have the same power that you once had, but you are still strong. You are still a formidable soldier.

"You have sacrificed so much... for the world,....for me! And you 'do' deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved!"

Castiel turned his head away, and closed his eyes that continued to leak more tears.

Dean continued to pour his heart out. "And you know what? You are loved! Sam loves you, Jack loves you. And everyone else, Mom, Bobby, Charlie, Eileen, even Rowena maybe. And... I love you, too."

Cass whips his head back up to meet Dean with absolute shock in his eyes. "You-- what?"

Dean heaves a huge sigh, feeling just as shocked as Cass looked. He couldn't believe he actually said that. He thought those words would be the hardest thing he could ever say, but they weren't. His throat tightens as he tries to speak again. "I... I love you, too."

Cass looked so scared. He shook his head, still clearly trapped in his denial. "No,.... no,..."

Dean lets go of Cass's coat and reaches up to caress his cheeks, wiping his tears with his thumbs. "Yes, Cass I do, I really do. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out. But I do."

The Angel looked frozen in place. Dean realized that he still didn't believe that he was real. He would have to make Cass believe it. With his hands still gently on Cass's face, Dean pulls him forward until their lips locked together.

The Angel gasps in reaction to the sudden motion. He pulls away, his eyes full of shock as he looks at Dean. "Wha-- what are you doing?!"

A warm smile appears on the Winchester's face. "Something that I should have done a long time ago."

Before Cass could have a chance to react, Dean pulls him in and kisses him again. Cass whines a little in response to the contact, but at some point, his eyes closed, and Dean could feel him melt into the kiss along with him. The feeling that was between them right now was so exhilarating. This was everything Dean never knew he wanted. Everything he needed. He needed Cass. They needed each other.

Before they're bliss can be further explored, Cass puts his free hand on Dean's chest and pushes back away from him again. A light smack sounds from their lips as they separate. "No." He says breathlessly while slightly shaking his head. "No, it can't be. It can't be."

"Yes it can, Cass." Dean smiles as he still holds him. "It is."

And then right there in that moment, Dean looks into Cass's eyes and sees the first hint of recognition. 'There you are.' He happily thought. Cass finally believed he was real!

The Angel's voice cracked as he spoke. "Dean?"

And now tears started to leak from Dean's eyes. "Yeah, Cass, it's me. It's really me."

Dean heard the sound of clanking metal, and briefly looked down to see that Cass had finally released his grip on his blood-soaked Angel blade. Cass's breath shuttered and he started to fall forward. Dean let go of his face so he could wrap his arms around his best friend and catch him. He then feels Cass's arms wrap around his own back, holding him tight. Almost like he was afraid Dean would disappear. "Dean!" He gasped between sobs.

Dean hugs him back and raises one hand to stroke Cass's head. "It's okay, Cass, I'm here. I've got you." He says in a soft, comforting tone. "I've got you."