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“Bobby?”
Bobby’s head shot up so quickly, he felt a muscle pinch in his neck. His son in law stood there at the bottom of the stairs, a very tired but incredibly content look upon his face. “They’re ready for you.”
He looked over at Athena, who gave him a warm smile. “Go ahead.”
“I -”
Athena nodded at Tommy, who was practically draped over the banister railing. “This one looks like he’s about to fall over. Let me take care of him. You go and see our grandson.”
Bobby rose on shaking legs, Athena following his movements. His foot landed on the first step of the stairs, and he rested his hand on his son in law’s shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze. Tommy’s hand came down to settle on top of his, and they shared another smile.
As he climbed the stairs, he could hear Athena fussing, her voice giving that familiar no-nonsense edge as she shepherded Tommy over to the couch for a well deserved nap. “Now, no arguments. You will need to catch sleep whenever you can. Trust me, I know from experience.”
Whatever Tommy said in return, Bobby didn’t hear as he arrived at the nursery. The door was cracked slightly, and sunlight streamed out and across the floor of the hallway. Bobby hesitated for a moment, taking a deep breath.
“You can come in, Bobby.”
The door creaks just slightly as he pushes it open. At first, he doesn’t see anything. He’s blinded by so much light.
And then, as his vision adjusts, he can see the silhouetted outline of his son seated in the handcrafted rocking chair by the window, a bundle nestled in his arms.
For just a moment, his heart stops.
It had been like that four days prior when he had been awoken at three in the morning to a a mass text that had been sent to the whole gang of the 118.
Baby is on the way. We + Maddie are going to join Trish at the hospital. Remember our game plan of having four days and then we will call everyone one by one to come and visit. Love you all.
Buck and Tommy
Bobby didn’t remember much after that, but apparently he had completely wigged out because Athena had threatened to handcuff Bobby to a chair and leave him there for the four days total if he didn’t calm down. To distract himself, he had gone on call for those four days, working two shifts and then an emergency that needed extra help on the third day. When Tommy had called on the fourth day, Bobby had nearly fallen over in his nerves.
It’s a boy. He’s perfect and healthy.
“Are you going to stand there all day like a statue?”
Bobby shook himself out of his reverie. “What?”
His son beamed at him, the tiny bundle in his arms snoring softly. “Come in. We’re not going to disappear.”
The nursery was decorated in soft greens and yellows, with simple, lace white curtains that swayed in the gentle breeze coming in through the open window. Bobby gazed around the room for a moment, taking in every touch of love and care that this boy’s parents had put in to welcome him home to his new life. Another breeze came through the window, causing a shiver to trail down his spine. He had to keep looking away, just for a moment.
A baby’s snore greeted his ears.
“Oh, Evan…”
Buck gave him a teary smile, chin resting on the top of his son’s downy head. Bobby settled into the other chair, his knees shaking as he lowered himself down onto the cushioned seat. The baby continued to snore against his father’s chest, little ear pressed right to his heart. Bobby blinked hard against the tears in his own eyes, willing them not to fall.
“He’s perfect, isn’t he?”
Bobby nodded. “Sweetheart, he’s magnificent.” He reached a hand out, letting it hover over the baby’s back as he waited for permission. Buck dipped his chin, and Bobby gently brushed his fingers down the boy’s spine, feeling each heartbeat underneath his fingertips, telling him just how alive and real this boy was.
“His name is Zander,” Buck began slowly. Bobby felt his mouth curve in a new smile. “Zander Robert Kinard.” His hand froze in the air and his eyes shot up to his son’s face. Buck tilted his head to the side. “Is that okay?”
New tears began to spill and he didn’t bother to try and stop them. “Evan…”
“I thought...well -” Buck hesitated, lips brushing against Zander’s dark curls. “It doesn’t have to be if -”
Bobby’s hand rose up to press against Buck’s cheek, stopping him in mid-sentence. “I am honored, Evan.”
Buck’s indigo eyes crinkled with relief and Bobby’s heart almost broke all over again. “Thank you.” Zander snuffled in his sleep, his tiny fist bunching around Buck’s shirt. “Quite a grip there, kiddo.”
“Robert was like that,” Bobby blurted out. For the first time in a long while, the sound of his son’s name - his own name - didn’t feel like sharp blades in his throat. “The kid could grab onto his own hair -” His own hand lifted to the back of his head, grasping onto the short hairs there. “ - and he would refuse to let go and of course, he’d scream his head off because it hurt and he just didn’t understand that he was doing it to himself.” Buck chuckled. “I recommend you put little socks on Zander’s hands whenever you put him down for a nap."
“Noted.” Zander grumbled again, peeling one eye open. Bobby found himself gazing into a pool of muddy cerulean blue. He wondered what color they would change to. Brook’s had taken after him, her eyes shifting into a familiar hazel green once she turned four months old. While Robert had gotten an exact copy of his grandmother’s piercing coffee brown gaze. It had been rather unnerving, from time to time when Robert was so tiny and he’d catch the boy staring at him from his crib, his little sock covered fist stuffed in his mouth. Very much like Zander was doing right now.
“I never thought I’d have this,” Buck gently stroked Zander’s back with the palm of his hand. “For as long as I can remember, I was always on the move. The only tether I held onto was my sister, and even then that was shaky at times.” The unspoken curse of Doug still hung heavy in the air, even all of these years later. “The only thing that felt like home was being a part of the 118. And now - now -”
“You were always meant for this, Evan,” Bobby squeezes Buck’s knee. “I could tell from the moment you held Jee for the first time.”
“You could?”
“Oh yeah. There was this light that was shining within you and it was threatened to burst.” Buck huffed softly, but Bobby could tell he was listening to every word that came from his lips. “Listen to me - your care for every child you met on the job, your love for May and Harry, Jee and Danny. They make your heart beat.” Bobby realized he was breathing rather heavily, his chest rising and falling with thick gasps. The gaps in his heart where Brook and Robert resided seemed to throb just a little bit more.
“I’m scared, Bobby,” Buck admitted after a moment. “I can’t - I don’t know what I would do if -” The meaning of what was left unsaid is evident, almost like Buck had shouted it from the rooftops. Bobby himself had felt that each moment that Brook and Robert had taken their first breaths, and when they had taken their last. He had been sure that his heart would stop beating, but here he was. His heart had found the strength for more. Because as long as he lived and breathed and remembered, his children would live. A little part of them continued on in the three children he had now, and maybe that was his mind just making shit up so he can get through each day, and maybe not. And that was okay.
“You will be scared.” Buck’s face dropped with disappointment. “You will always be scared. You will have to learn to live with that fear, there is nothing you can do to change that. That’s just love, sweetheart." Bobby licked his lips, shifting on his seat. "But love is not always fear. Love...love is an infallible joy." A tear fell from his eye and spattered against his grey tee-shirt. Bobby paid it no mind.
Buck gazed at him for a long moment, the deep blue of his eyes searching. And then, "Would you like to hold him?"
“What?” Bobby blinked, another tear falling.
“He is your grandson, after all.” Bobby's arms moved without instruction from his brain, an old instinct kicking back in. Zander let out a short wail, disturbed from his obvious favorite spot since he came into this world. Once he was settled into Bobby’s hands, his eyes fell closed once again. Bobby eased the baby against his chest, keeping one hand secure under his bottom and the other on his back, index finger cradling the back of his neck. Buck beamed, tired eyes alight with such happiness that it almost ached to look upon him. “You’re still a natural.” Bobby snorted. “No, I mean it. You’ve always had that dad thing going on. And now you have the grandpa thing,” he added with a chuckle.
The grandpa thing. Bobby liked the sound of that.
“Does that make me the grandma?”
Both men looked around towards the door where Athena stood, hand resting on the doorknob. Buck lit up like the sun that was still shining through the window pane, holding out his arms like a small child asking for a hug. And that's exactly what he was asking for, Athena quickly crossing the fern green carpet to capture their son an embrace. Her lips pressed against the top of his head. “Congratulations, honey.”
She popped another kiss to his auburn curls, hand gently pressing against his back. “Where’s Tommy?”
“Your husband is passed out cold on the couch downstairs,” Athena informs them. “Believe me, it took some negotiating to get him to sit down, but once he did -” She snapped her fingers. “I’ll tell you right now, the moment your angel is snoozing, so should you. Do you hear me?”
Buck bowed his head. “Loud and clear, Captain.”
Athena gently flicked her fingers against his temple before turning to Bobby with an expectant look on her face. “Now, give me that baby.”
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