Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time Diluc met Ajax was in the beginning of his senior year in college.

He was in the middle of a party with his club. They were welcoming their new members with a simple drinking party in a cafe near the campus. The beers there were cheap and tasty, making the cafe always full with students who want to have a party —just like his club.

Diluc didn't really like crowds, it's too noisy and rowdy. So he got out of the room for a while, saying that he needs his cigarette break (he doesn't even smoke).

It was in the middle of spring, so the cool breeze welcomed him the moment he stepped out of the building. He still remembers how the night chill made him shiver despite his long coat. Nevertheless, he stood still outside, thinking it was better than having to be in the crowd once again.

The road was a little quiet, seeming like people prefer to be indoors in this kind of chilly night. It made Diluc can hear the calming sound of water flowing along the streams, the faint sound of noise from the inside, the faint sound of the wind blows, and—

“What do I need to do more to make you understand? I love you, for fuck’s sake.”

—and the faint sound of people arguing with their lover.

Diluc took a peek at the alleyway, looking at an orange head who talked desperately on his phone. He looked so frustrated with a frown on his face, the tone in his voice was like the mix of anger and feeling helpless. It made him feel… a little bit curious. But he knows that everyone needs privacy, so he stood on his spot silently, trying not to catch anything in his ear.

“Do whatever you want then,” the orange head said, his voice trembling. Diluc doesn't understand why his ear still caught it despite the low voice.

A soft sob could be heard before the orange head said once again, “I’m done with you.”

Diluc held his breath, it seems like the situation is getting worse. He contemplated going back inside, it would be awkward if the orange head found out that he hears him all this time. Being stuck inside must be better than whatever mess he was going to face if he was busted.

Diluc was going to turn around before he found the person he wanted to avoid had stood before him. His gaze looked just as cold as the night breeze, staring at Diluc with his blue orbs.

“Eavesdropping is not a good habit, don't you think?” the man before him said, his voice doesn't sound as angry like the one he used on the phone, but it sounded so cold that it made Diluc start feeling guilty.

“I didn't,” Diluc said, trying to act nonchalant. “I just got here.”

The man before him chuckled as he turned his face away. “Nonsense.”

“If you don't have anything more to say, then please excuse me,” Diluc said once again as he turned his body around, trying to go back inside.

“No, wait,” the orange head said, reaching his arm with a firm grip. “Tell me your name.”

“Huh?” Diluc started getting irritated. “Why should I?”

“So I know who to beat if a rumor start going around,” the orange head said. “Or, should I just beat you up now?”

Diluc smirked. He still remembers how rage started cripping him up that day. “Let's settle this now, then.”

Diluc doesn't understand why they did that, but that night they beat each other on the street like a madman. The orange head threw a lot of punches to his face that he paid back just as many. The smirk on his face somehow irritated Diluc so much that it blinded him with rage.

Though, this orange head looked happy —totally like a madman.

Maybe he was happy finding a punchbag to melt away his frustration following his love mess. Maybe he was happy that his rage finally had a place to land. Maybe he was happy that the adrenaline rush from the fight could cover up his heartache.

Either way, he looked so happy. It made Diluc's heart flutter with the sight of his face.

“Ajax,” the orange man said when the police officer asked his name. He looked calm despite having to stay in the police station for a night, it wouldn't surprise Diluc if he was jailed often.

“Diluc,” he said when the police officer turned his gaze at him.

The police officer took note before he sighed and scolded them for making a commotion. It took a little while before he gave up and brought them to their cell. He warned them not to fight again before he left.

“Sorry,” the orange head —Ajax said. His voice sounds so low like a murmur.

“Me too,” Diluc said as he leaned his back to the wall, finally able to relax after a long fight and administration talk. “Your smirk irritated me so much that I felt the need to punch it.”

Ajax laughed. Even his broken lips wouldn't stop him from laughing. “But seriously, you did hear something, didn't you?”

“A little bit,” Diluc shrugged. “Not my fault.”

“Tell me,” Ajax said. His gaze turned cold once again.

Diluc didn't want to risk himself having to spend another night in the cell, so he answered, “Only when you started cursing as you say that you love them.”

“Until?”

“Until you sob,” Diluc said as he lowered his gaze.

Ajax doesn't say anything anymore, so Diluc stole a glance of his face. Ajax looked relaxed, like he's relieved hearing the answer he received. But then he smirked again, his face looked so smug like he wanted to be punched once again.

“Until the end then?”

Diluc shrugged once again. “Not my fault.”

Ajax laughed. His laughter somehow made Diluc form a little smile, almost making him chuckle too. Maybe Ajax’s laugh is contagious, or maybe he just wanted to laugh too.

Either way, he laughed too.

Time passed by with some little talks. They talk about their major, about their club, about some good food stalls around the campus. It turned out that Ajax is a year younger than him, studying art focusing on photography, which explains how bizarre the outfit he was wearing. Ajax said that it was actually not what he wanted, nor that he was very good at it. But his mother needed someone to expand their business, and she thought that it would be easier for Ajax to earn money through an established business rather than starting a brand new career, so here he was.

“What do you actually want to learn then?”

Ajax hummed, he put his finger on his chin as he thought of an answer. “I don't know, maybe I would just learn to be an athlete?”

Diluc scoffed. “You're too old for that.”

“You're crossing the line,” Ajax said as he turned his face away, almost looking like he was sulking. “There are many sports that don't have an age limit, you know.”

“Oh?” Diluc said, amused. “What is it?”

“Alpine skiing, ice skating, running, shooting, swimming, I'm good at all that,” Ajax said with a smug face.

Diluc chuckles. “I’m looking forward to seeing you in the Olympics then.”

“Oh? Is this a challenge?”

Diluc was about to throw back a remark before a police officer came to their cell, saying that there was someone who bailed Ajax out.

Ajax fell silent before he followed the officer. He didn't even glance at him back for a farewell whatsoever. So Diluc took a peek on the administration table, seeing a blue-haired man who hugged Ajax tight the moment Ajax stood before him.

Oh.

It must be the lover he had quarreled with.

Ajax stood still, he didn't even hug the blue head back. But then he sobs, totally the same one like the one he heard on the street before they fought. The blue head shushed him before leaving soft kisses on the tears that started falling from Ajax’s eyes.

Uh.

Where do they think they are currently in?

Diluc scoffed. He stopped taking a peek right away. When did he start to meddle in someone's love life anyway. He should just look for a way to get out of this mess too.

Yeah.

Kaeya must be free enough to bail him out of jail tonight.

Chapter Text

Diluc bumped into Ajax a little more since the incident.

It's weird, because Diluc is sure Ajax didn't leave an impression on him that much. Their buildings are far across, so it's almost impossible to just casually bump into each other. But here they were, running to each other almost every day.

It almost felt like the universe wanted them to meet.

There was nothing bizarre about their encounters. They would exchange some (un)pleasantries, throwing some remarks here and there, laughing at each other sometimes, an empty promise to hang out most of the time.

At first Diluc felt nothing. Ajax is just a little menace that he happened to know. But the more he saw him, the more he missed his smile whenever he was not around. His laughter sometimes played in his ear, ringing like a melody he heard in the summer. His blue eyes looked so brilliant, it sparks the most whenever Diluc accidentally saw him with the blue head on the street.

And suddenly, there is a thought slipping to his mind.

He wanted Ajax to see him with those eyes too.

It would be so nice to see those pretty orbs on a daily basis —even only as a friend.

So, Diluc made his way closer. Every day he would come to the campus even though he had no more classes. Every day he would use the gate near Ajax’s building even though his own building is far across. Every day he would visit the food stalls that Ajax told him the first time they met.

And it worked.

They bumped into each other a lot more, they conversed so much more. What used to be playful remarks were becoming a pleasant joke. What used to be an empty promise were becoming a real promise to hang out. They exchanged numbers, they followed each others' accounts, they talked about more personal things —about their thoughts, about their problems, about their families.

It felt good.

It felt like his effort to be closer was fruitful.

Incoming Calls
Ajax

Diluc stared at his phone for a moment, wondering what made Ajax call him out of nowhere in the middle of night. His thumb slowly swiped the screen before his ears caught a sob from the other line.

“Diluc,” Ajax called quietly.

“Ajax? What's wrong?”

“I—” Ajax said before a sob escaped from his lips once again. “Can I go to your place?”

Diluc furrowed his brows. He wanted to ask more about the details, but it seemed Ajax would tell him nothing. “Sure.”

“Thanks,” Ajax said more quietly. “I will be there in a few minutes.”

It didn't take long before Diluc opened his door to find Ajax looking like a real mess. His eyes were red and swollen, his nose was full of snot, his lips quivered like he tried hard not to cry.

“What's wrong?” Diluc asked softly after he let Ajax in.

Ajax shook his head. “I'm tired.”

Diluc sighed before he stood up to give Ajax a glass of water. “Just sleep then, you can take the bed.”

“No,” Ajax said. “I will take the sofa, don't worry.”

Diluc didn't want to make things worse, so he complied. He turned the lamp off after he made sure Ajax got comfortable on his sofa. He closed his eyes, but Ajax's sobs could be heard once again, making him open his eyes, staring silently at his ceiling before he asked, “What's wrong?”

Ajax didn't say anything, but his sobs kept getting louder. His cry was no longer quiet.

“Ajax,” Diluc called. He made sure his tone sounded as calming as he could.

“Ayato,” Ajax answered finally, whispering a name that Diluc never heard of. “He is getting married next month.”

Diluc didn't know what to answer, so he remained silent, letting Ajax continue with anything he wanted to talk.

“We were just about to sleep before he said things like he wants us to elope. He asked me to run with him abroad. I'm so fed up I don't want to see his face,” Ajax said between his sobs. “I'm sorry.”

“It's okay,” Diluc said, almost like a whisper. “You refused it?”

“Yeah,” Ajax said, his sobs kept getting harder. “His family is powerful, they don't even hesitate to hurt him if he doesn't do as they please. Who would have known what they can do to my family if I ran with him.”

Even though he just knew Ajax for a short while, he knew full well how much Ajax loves his family, so Diluc stayed silent, letting Ajax cry his heart out. Ajax kept sobbing, as if the well in his eyes never ran out.

“I'm sorry if I pry on, Ajax,” Diluc says after a moment. “Is he the one you quarreled on your phone back then?”

“Yeah,” Ajax answered silently. “His grandfather made him engaged with someone from another clan a few months ago. That night, he wanted to call it off for me. He said things like he will always choose me even if he loses everything.”

“So you stop him?”

“Yeah, I just don't want him to suffer, for fuck’s sake,” Ajax said. “We reconciled after he bailed me out of jail. We agreed that we will spend the time left before his wedding for good times. But look what he is doing now, keep being stubborn like a kid. I'm so done with his shit.”

Diluc remained silent, letting Ajax pour his heart out once again. The room is filled with Ajax's sobs. Diluc made a mental note to apologize to his neighbors when the morning came.

“Maybe it's my fault, from the very beginning I always knew this relationship wouldn’t work out. I shouldn't have agreed to reconcile back then, I shouldn’t even started this relationship in the first place,” Ajax continues. “I'm sorry you have to listen to my dumb problem, Diluc.”

“It’s okay,” Diluc answered quietly. “What are you going to do then?”

“I don't know,” Ajax said before he curled himself smaller. “I love him so much my heart hurts.”

Oh.

Diluc thought he finally had a chance.

Turned out it was still a red light all along.

“I—” can take over his place. “I can help take your things if you want to stay here longer.”

“No,” Ajax said. “It's okay, I have troubled you enough. I will leave once the sun rises.”

“No, it's okay,” Diluc said before he clears his throat. “Don't be too rushed. Just take care of yourself.”

“Okay,” Ajax answers quietly. “Thank you.”

It didn't take minutes before Ajax’s steady breath was all he heard. Diluc closed his eyes. His heart silently wished Ajax would still linger when he opened his eyes.

─────────🦉🐋─────────

When the morning came, Ajax was no longer in his room. The sofa had been made tidy, as if there is no trace of his presence at all.

It made Diluc can't help but think that maybe the conversation he had with Ajax last night only happened in his dream.

But then a delicious smell greeted his nose, followed by a noise from his small kitchen —the same sound he used to hear when he woke up to Adelinde cooking. So he woke up, walking to the kitchen, seeing Ajax busy rummaging his fridge.

“Ajax?”

“Oh, good morning,” Ajax turned his head, smiling so brightly like sunshine. It almost felt like all the breakdowns he had last night had never happened. “I want to make breakfast but why do I only see meat in your fridge?”

Diluc shrugged. “I love them.”

Ajax laughed as he continued with his cooking. “It's not healthy to always eat meat, you know. You need some fiber.”

“Should we go shopping then?”

“No, I'm almost done here,” Ajax said as he put his cooking on the plates. “Why don't you brush your teeth so we can have breakfast right away?”

So Diluc complied. Ajax had waited for him on his small table once he's done. There's a small smile on his lips like he didn't bawl his eyes out last night. They ate their breakfast silently, enjoying the morning that feels new to them both.

“I never know you’re a pretty good cook.”

“Of course, I do this everyday. I would be doomed if I am not,” Ajax said. “You cook your meal yourself too?”

“Not really,” Diluc said as he cut his steak. “We have maids in our house, so I don't really cook.”

“Wow, rich shit,” Ajax said. “Like a certain someone, he really didn't know how to cook.”

“Don't even me up with your ex,” Diluc scoffed. “I know how to cook.”

“Oh?” Ajax laughed. “Show me then.”

Diluc smirked. “Come over tomorrow and I will show you.”

And so it became the beginning of their new daily routine. What began with a cooking battle slowly turned into a dining routine. Ajax would show up on his door every morning with some fresh ingredients he bought on his way. They cooked together, they ate together, they worked together doing the dishes, they packed each other lunch just to see who packed it better. Ajax laughed a lot. And before Diluc knew it, he found himself laughing too, enjoying every second he spent with the man before him.

Diluc started to wonder if this was what it felt like to have someone special to share good times with.

“I think we will not make it if we start cooking the soup now. It will not be ready by lunch time,” Diluc said as he rinsed the plates he's washing. He handed the clean plate to Ajax who is supposed to dry them off before placing them in the rack.

But Ajax stayed silent, he didn't even take the plate Diluc handed him. So Diluc turned his head, looking at Ajax who stared blankly at the window. “Ajax?”

“Oh,” Ajax blinked fast, realizing that he just spaced out. He quickly took the plate, drying them off before he put it on the rack. “Sorry, I just spaced out.”

“What's wrong?” Diluc asks, his hands stop working, putting his full attention to Ajax. “Are you not feeling well?”

“No, I'm okay,” Ajax shakes his head. “Let's just do this fast.”

So Diluc complied. Once they were done, Ajax quickly packed his things, totally different from how he always did. Diluc just stared silently, letting Ajax wear his shoes before he faced him to bid his farewell.

“I’m sorry, Luc. I have a class coming up, so I can't stay longer today. I will text you later, see you tomorrow,” Ajax said quickly before he reached the door.

Diluc reached his arm, stopping him from walking away. “You forgot your coat.”

“Ah, right,” Ajax said as he turned around, his eyes stuck to the ground, as if he didn't want Diluc to see his face. He muttered a thanks before he turned to the door once again, quickly reaching its knob.

“Ajax, it's sunday. You can stop lying,” Diluc said as he held Ajax's arm once again. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” Ajax said, still refusing to stare back. “I just suddenly feel tired, sorry.”

Diluc sighed. “It's Ayato again, isn't it?”

Ajax stayed silent.

“What is it now? Today is his wedding day?”

“Let's not talk about this.”

Diluc sighed once again. He quickly grabbed his coat and his car key before dragging Ajax out of his house.

“I can go home by myself,” Ajax said, for once lifting his gaze from the ground.

Diluc scoffed. “Who said I'm gonna take you home? We are practicing for the Olympics.”

Ajax looked at him confused, but then he let out a small laugh. “I want to ski then.”

Diluc chuckled. “You name it.”

And so they travel to the other part of the continent, going to a place full of snow and cold wind. Ajax’s laugh came back, almost like he forgot what made him sad hours prior. Diluc stared silently, his eyes caught how beautiful Ajax looked under the sunshine in the middle of snow.

His smile looked beautiful.

His laughter sounded beautiful.

Diluc hoped he could never make Ajax lose what makes him beautiful.

Chapter Text

And of course, Diluc could never lose it.

Because Ajax always looked beautiful. Even when joy was no longer on his face, even when sadness took over his eyes, he still looked so beautiful.

A few months after Diluc graduated, when Ajax was still in the middle of doing his thesis, Ajax suddenly got a call to go home. They still had their daily dining routine back then, so Diluc offered to drive him and tag along —his home was 4 hours away by plane. Ajax agreed easily as he panicked. The shaking voice of his sister saying that their parents were involved in a car accident seemed to mess his mind a lot.

Both of them stayed silent along the journey. Ajax seemed restless as he fixed his gaze out of the window. Diluc refused to say anything, he was afraid any words coming out from his lips would make Ajax feel worse.

Once they arrived in the hospital, Ajax’s little siblings immediately ran closer, hugging Ajax tight with tears on their faces. Ajax didn't stop saying reassuring words since then, hoping to make his little siblings feel a little better.

“The doctors say that papa and mama are in critical condition, so they put them in the ICU,” his older brother said. “They lost a lot of blood, but you don't have to worry Ajax, we have managed to get the blood for the transfusion.”

Ajax nodded silently before he managed to get his little siblings to sleep on his lap in the waiting room. Diluc sit beside them, sitting in silence as he gave Ajax company.

“You don't have to be here,” Ajax said. “You must be tired, why don't we go to my house? You can rest in my room.”

“No, it's okay,” Diluc said, offering a faint smile. “I will give you company wherever you want to be.”

Ajax turned his gaze to the ground, his hand stopped caressing his little siblings’ hair. “You don't have to.”

“It’s okay,” Diluc said once again. “Don't worry too much.”

And so they went back and forth to the hospital for days as Ajax’s parents fell into a coma. Ajax looked tired as physical and mental distress caught him up. Diluc stayed by his side, offering every support he could give —even the smallest matter of reminding him to eat.

A week later, the hospital called, saying that his father had passed. That night, Ajax lost a little light in his eyes as they quickly made their way to the hospital despite the heavy trail of sleep on their face. The whole family cried, but Ajax stood still, staring blankly at the lifeless body of his father.

“It's okay, we still have mama,” Ajax said when his little siblings cried their hearts out. He said it with a small faint smile on his lips, putting a little hope for everything to get better.

And it did.

A few days after they held the funeral, his mother regained consciousness. Diluc could see the lost light in Ajax’s eyes came back that day. He looked so relieved as he saw his mother open her eyes —even when her whole body still looked very frail.

“Let's introduce you properly to my mother when she gets fully awake,” Ajax said as he smiled wide. “I'm sure she will like you very much.”

“Of course,” Diluc smiled back. “Whatever makes you happy.”

Ajax giggled. Diluc couldn't help but smile wider as he saw him happy once again.

A few days passed, Ajax’s mother recuperated slowly as she was still being bedridden. The doctor said that she needed more time to be fully healed since the shock had done too much damage to her body. Ajax paid no mind. It seemed as long as his mother was still with him, then he's already content.

“Mama, this is Diluc, my senior in college.”

“Hello, I'm Diluc, nice to meet you.”

Ajax’s mother smiled. “He reminded me of Ayato.”

“Mama! You shouldn't say that!” Ajax said as he panically shushed his mother.

His mother chuckled weakly. “Thank you for taking care of my son, Diluc. He is a little menace, but I hope he's not a bother to you.”

“Of course not,” Diluc said with a smile. “If anything, he is the one who takes care of me.”

Ajax’s mother smiled wider, it might be the widest smile she made ever since she woke up. “I’m glad then.”

That day, Ajax looked happy, it might be the happiest he had ever been ever since the accident. He talked a lot with his mother, talking about things she missed ever since their last daily call.

Though, it was also the last time he looked that happy.

The next morning, her health dropped, once again putting Ajax in a shambles. He didn't cry, but he once again stared blankly as he tried to comfort his little siblings. Diluc wanted to help, but he didn't know what he needed to do to lighten his stress. Diluc wanted to hold his hands, but he didn't know if Ajax would like it.

So Diluc stayed silent, giving Ajax company in silence like how he had always been.

It didn't take long before the doctors came to them, saying that they can't do anything more to help his mother. They eventually let Ajax and his siblings enter the room to bid their last farewell before she passed. Diluc stayed still, letting the family have their private time.

That day, Ajax completely lost the light in his eyes.

Ajax didn't cry. He didn't cry when the hospital announced his mother's passing. He didn't cry when he looked at her for the last time before her casket was closed. He didn't cry even after the funeral. He just stared blankly, like he had lost all hopes in his eyes.

“You don't have to be here this long,” Ajax said a few days after the funeral. “I'm sorry. You must have been busy with work but here you are.”

“It's okay, I need to make sure you're alright.”

Ajax fell silent. His eyes looked reluctant before he stared at him deeper. “Why?”

Because I care for you.

“Don't think about it too much,” Diluc said. “So, are you going back?”

“Yeah,” Ajax said before he wiped his face, trying to get hold of himself. “I need to graduate and start working. I need to help my siblings make a living.”

Diluc fell silent, but he nodded nonetheless. “I will help you.”

“Thank you, but you don't have to,” Ajax said before he chuckled, it might be the first time Diluc heard him laughing again since the funeral. “You have done so much, thank you.”

“It's okay,” Diluc said with a small smile. “Let's bring back a smile to your face.”

Ajax remained silent, but then he smiled back anyway.

A few days later, Diluc found himself cooking with Ajax once again. But, instead in his place, he was the one who visited Ajax this time. They did what they always did, trying to return to normal despite the sudden big change in Ajax's life. Ajax stayed silent most of the time, looking like he lost all his appetite. Most of the time, he had leftovers on his plate —even when he took a smaller portion than he usually did.

“You should cry,” Diluc said one day in the middle of their meal. “It's okay to grieve.”

“I'm okay,” Ajax said as he drank his soup. “The soup tastes so good, are you using a different spice from last time?”

Diluc sighed. Ajax always changed the topic whenever he tried to bring up this topic. “You look so messy with tears and snot the first time you come to my place, what's stopping you from crying this time?”

Ajax fell silent, his hand put down the spoon and the bowl he was holding. “Let's not talk about this.”

“No, let's talk about this,” Diluc said, his gaze looking firm. “It's not healthy to pent up your grief.”

Ajax turned his face away. “You don't understand.”

“Indeed,” Diluc said, his hand slowly reaching Ajax's. “But I’m here.”

Ajax fell silent, but his gaze finally found its way to stare back.

“There is no one here but me, so you don't have to act strong, Ajax,” Diluc said softly as he squeezed Ajax's hand. “Let's just let it out, okay?”

Ajax remained silent, but tears started to well up in his eyes before he nodded. So Diluc moved closer, hugging Ajax close, giving the warmth he had always wanted to give for a long time.

Ajax broke down almost immediately. He cried a lot, letting the dam in his eyes break like rivers on his cheeks. Diluc stayed silent, his hand kept rubbing Ajax’s back to give him comfort.

Ajax looked pretty that day. The tears on his face glittered, making his face look stunning. It didn't make sense how everything made him look pretty —even the messiest side of grief. It almost made Diluc feel guilty for finding him beautiful amidst his misery.

It made him think that he wanted to stay by Ajax’s side all the time just to see him being pretty on everything he does.

So Diluc kept holding Ajax close even when the fatigue started to catch the latter up after all the crying. Ajax's sobs slowly subside, his body slowly leaning in entirely. Diluc stayed still for a moment, afraid of waking Ajax up before he moved slowly to put Ajax gently on his bed. He tucked Ajax under the blanket before he took a good look at the latter’s face.

“Don't go,” Ajax said, almost like a sleep talk. He opened his eyes slowly, the tear started to well up in his eyes again despite the tear stains on his face that hadn't dried.

“I won't,” Diluc said as he smiled. “I will always be by your side, don't worry.”

“Hold my hand,” Ajax pleaded before a tear fell once again. “I miss you so much, Ayato.”

Diluc fell silent, but he still reached Ajax's hand nonetheless.

“Don't go again,” Ajax said as he sobbed. His eyes closed slowly as his sleep came back. “Mama missed you too, you know.”

“I know,” Diluc whispered. He caressed Ajax's hair softly, trying to give him comfort.

Ajax became more relaxed as he returned to his slumber. His sobs had ceased, replaced by steady rise and fall of his chest. Diluc stayed by his side, his hand kept holding Ajax as the latter refused to let go.

“Have a good night, Ajax,” he said softly despite the little ache in his heart.

Chapter Text

Just like the last time Ajax cried, Ajax got back to his feet the morning he woke up.

Diluc somehow woke up on Ajax's bed, he blinked slowly as confusion filled his mind. Ajax was nowhere in his sight, but, just like the last time, he could hear cooking noises from the kitchen.

“Ajax?” Diluc called as he saw Ajax once again staring blankly at the window.

“Oh, good morning,” Ajax said as he forced a faint smile. “Let's get breakfast, shouldn't we?”

So Diluc complied. They sit around the small table, silently eating the food on their plates. Ajax fixed his gaze on his plate, as if he wanted to avoid staring at him back.

“Thank you, and I’m sorry about last night,” Ajax said as he stopped taking a spoonful of his meal. His finger tapped his spoon slowly like he was nervous. “I didn't say anything weird, did I?”

Oh.

Seems like last night is indeed a sleep talk.

“You cried like a baby last night,” Diluc said before he chuckled, trying to mask his feeling. “Feeling all better now?”

Ajax looked up, for the first time staring at him back that day. “Yeah,” he chuckled. “All thanks to you.”

And so Diluc smiled.

Ever since that day, Ajax became much better. His smile came back, his laughter came back. It was not the same with the one he had before the accident, let alone with the one he had with Ayato. But, at least, his eyes no longer looked sad. At least, a smile had come back to his face.

Weeks passed by, and suddenly Ajax had graduated. His older siblings told him to move to another city so he could get a breath of fresh air. Ajax initially refused —it had been a long time since he left home, it only felt right if he came back. But his siblings insisted, seeming like they knew that their parents’ passing hit Ajax the hardest.

So Diluc offered to go to his hometown, it is a pretty big country but still peaceful enough to calm one’s mind. Ajax looked reluctant at first, but he finally agreed nonetheless. It took a few days to set up his new place, and even a few weeks to set up the studio he would work in. But he adapted quickly, and he got stable even quicker. It made Diluc feel amazed with how well Ajax handled things.

“You seem happier lately,” Diluc said with a smile on his face. He washed the plate on his hand, doing the dishes that still became their routine.

“Yeah, the city is so peaceful just as you said,” Ajax said as he let out a light chuckle. “It’s easy to take great photos too.”

Diluc smiled. Ajax never looked like the one he met at the first time, but he had been doing better nowadays. Stress and sadness still color his face sometimes, making his smile fade away like the sun getting covered by dark clouds. He still stared blankly sometimes, especially when they went silent for too long.

Though, despite all that, Ajax still took his breath away, his heart still skipped a beat just like the first time he saw Ajax’s smile in the middle of their fight. It baffled him sometimes with how insane Ajax made him feel.

“I think I really like you.”

Ajax stopped his work altogether, his hand stopped wiping the plate as he turned his head to face Diluc.

Diluc lowered his gaze, staring at the last plate he washed. “For a long time, actually.”

Ajax remained silent, but then he continued wiping the plate on his hand before putting it back on the rack. “I think you shouldn't.”

Diluc felt his heart sink. He always knew that he would get rejected, but he never knew it would be this fast. “Why?”

“It will only hurt you,” Ajax said, almost like a whisper. He did his work fast, as if he wanted everything to be done and escape the conversation. “I'm a mess, I will only make your heart break.”

“No, you're not,” Diluc said. The dirty dishes had all been cleaned, so he washed his hand before he said, “You're grieving, it's normal for everyone.”

“It's more than that,” Ajax said as he put the remaining plates on the rack. His gaze kept refusing to stare at him back.

“What is it then? Ayato?” Diluc asked calmly. “It's okay for me too if you see me as him. Just… let me give you all the love you deserve.”

Ajax fell silent, but he slowly turned his head up, staring back at him with a hesitant gaze. “Why?”

“You deserve it,” Diluc said. Now it's his turn to lower his gaze. “A smile looks good on you, let me try to retain it on your face.”

Ajax didn't say anything, so Diluc took a glance at his face. Ajax looked hesitant still, maybe he would reject him once again.

“You are a good friend, and you have done so much too,” Ajax said. “It won't be fair for you if I do that.”

“It's okay for me,” Diluc said. “You always make me happy, you don't have to worry about it.”

Ajax fell silent once again. He hung his head low, as if he didn’t want to be seen. So Diluc reached Ajax's hand, giving it a light squeeze.

“Please,” Diluc pleaded almost desperately. “Please let me love you, Ajax.”

Ajax didn't say anything. There was a long moment of silence before Ajax squeezed his hand back and whispered quietly.

“I can't promise I can make you happy with my current state,” he said, almost like a rejection. “Just— just don't hesitate to leave if it hurts too much.”

“Of course,” Diluc said as he smiled. His hand kept holding onto Ajax’s, making the latter stare at him back. “We can always work on it.”

Some tears welled up in Ajax's eyes before he slowly smiled back. His smile looks so beautiful, like the sunrise Diluc once saw in the ocean, making Diluc feel some warmth spreading in his heart.

That night, Diluc promised to himself that he would bring back the sparks in Ajax's eyes. Like the one he saw when he first fell for him, like the one he saw when Ayato made him laugh, or maybe even brighter.

Diluc would definitely bring it back, no matter at what cost.

Chapter Text

It took a long time.

It took a long time for Ajax to get used to his love. Sometimes he would still jerk up whenever their hands accidentally brushed. Sometimes he would still hold his breath when Diluc leaned in to kiss his cheek.

But it was okay.

It is always okay.

Diluc can wait for however long Ajax wants.

“Is it good enough?”

Ajax blinked fast, blinking away the longing gaze in his eyes as he saw the scenery before him. “Yeah,” he said shortly before he turned to face him, showing a smile that looked so cheery. “The red leaves remind me a lot of your hair.”

Diluc smiled back, but he didn't say anything after that. They didn't say a word for a moment, enjoying the autumn breeze that cherished their face gently. Ajax stayed still, refusing to prepare his camera like how he usually did.

“You know,” Ajax said suddenly. His voice sounded so serene like the wind. His gaze landed on the falling leaves, leaving a beautiful color to his blue eyes. “It’s time like this that always makes me feel grateful for the job my mom chose for me, for wandering around to new places, for moving here.”

Ajax took his hand, for the first time ever initiated to hold it. He squeezed it softly before he turned to face him once again. “For meeting you.”

Diluc remained silent, taken aback for a moment as he feels the touch on his hand. Then he smiled, staring back at Ajax with the softest gaze he could make.

“Thank you.”

“No, thank you,” Ajax smiled back. He looked so beautiful, so ethereal, so breathtaking. He slowly leaned in, leaving a soft kiss on his cheek, for the first time ever initiated to kiss him. “Thank you for never giving up on me.”

Diluc could feel his brain stopped working, but he smiled nonetheless. He intertwined their fingers so they fit perfectly, giving warmth to Ajax's hand so the wind can stop making Ajax feel cold. “Of course.”

Ajax smiled wider, then he leaned in once again, erasing any spaces between their faces. Then their lips touched, so gently like the autumn breeze that blew, so softly like it only meant to be a dream.

Diluc could feel warmth spreading in his chest. His heart beats faster the longer they kiss. He wanted more, he yearned for more. So he held Ajax closer, paying no mind to anything but him, as if the world was no one’s but theirs.

“I will never give up on you,” Diluc said when they parted. He could see how Ajax’s face flushed red —either from the kiss or from his words. There was a small smile lingered on his lips, making his face look so much more endearing, making Diluc couldn't hold all the burst that exploded in his heart.

Then Ajax chuckled. His laughter sounded so mesmerizing that Diluc couldn't stop staring. It made Diluc wonder if he could hear it forever.

“I'm very grateful for it.”

Chapter Text

“Diluc! You can't zone out during a snowball fight!”

Diluc chuckled as he dodged the snowball Ajax just threw at him. It was easy —it is always easy since Ajax never truly threw the snow at him. It was not like Ajax couldn't precisely throw it, it was clear that Ajax was being super careful not to hurt his face.

“I can't help it,” Diluc said as he started forming a snowball. “You always look beautiful in the middle of snow.”

“W-what?” Ajax's cheeks started to redden. It matches perfectly with his nose that gets a little red from the cold. “Stop saying nonsense.”

“I never said anything nonsense,” Diluc said nonchalantly as he threw the snowball he made to Ajax's snow fort. “You look beautiful in every season.”

“Diluc!” Instead of throwing more snowballs, Ajax ran towards him at full speed, making Diluc couldn't help but feel a little bit panicked. He ran leaving his fort with some laughs as he realised he just made Ajax flustered. Ajax kept running after him despite the redness on his cheeks that showed no sign of fading.

It took a little while before Diluc gave up and let Ajax catched him. Ajax was right —Ajax is very good at running, it wouldn't be surprising if Ajax truly enters the Olympics. Then Ajax tickled him, making him fall on his back, laughing loudly despite the snow that made him feel a little cold.

“Stop,” Diluc said in between his laughter. “I'm sorry, but I truly mean it.”

“Stop talking or I will keep tickling,” Ajax said. There is a smile on his lips that he tried hard to hide. “It's really embarrassing, you know.”

Diluc laughed, either from the tickling or from the face Ajax made. It amused him how easily he laughed whenever Ajax was around. “I will keep praising you then.”

Ajax tickled him harder, making him curl his body smaller. Maybe he kicked his feet a little too wildly, or maybe the snow made Ajax lose his balance, because before he knew it, Ajax had been on top of him, standing on his four and making their eyes meet.

Classic.

Just like the romance midnight drama that Jean liked to watch.

Silly.

Just like the shojo manga that Kaeya liked to show him every once in a while.

Crazy.

Just like how his heart beat as the time seemed to stop the moment their eyes locked.

He could feel how warm Ajax breath felt on his cheeks. He could see how the blood rushes to Ajax’s cheeks —and maybe to his cheek too, making his face look infinitely cute. He could feel the winter wind that blew to their face, somehow encouraging him to move his face closer, maybe to get some warmth and kisses.

Maybe.

“Diluc-sama!”

Ajax hurriedly stood up as he heard Adelinde called and walked closer. Diluc couldn’t help but do the same —even though he failed to hide his disappointment as the moment got ruined.

“Oh, here you are!” Adelinde said when she finally spotted them in between the grape vines. “The lunch is ready. Master Crepus and Master Kaeya have waited for you both.”

“I see,” Diluc replied quietly. “Thank you. We will be there shortly.”

Ajax laughed awkwardly. “I’m sorry for troubling you, Addie.”

“It’s not a problem,” she chuckled. “I should be the one who apologizes. It seems I just interrupted something important.”

“No, you didn’t,” Ajax giggled. He held Diluc’s hand firmly, intertwining their fingers perfectly despite the gloves that got in their way —as if the warmth of his hand could compensate for the interrupted kiss.

And Ajax is 100% right.

It indeed warms Diluc’s heart all the same.

“Let’s go, Dee.”

Diluc nodded. He couldn’t help but stare at the lace of their hands along the way. Then he looked up to see Ajax’s smile that looked so cheery, like he was very happy despite the absence of sparks in his eyes.

“I really love you.”

Ajax looked taken aback, but then he turned to face him and chuckled. “Yeah, thank you.”

Chapter Text

Everything felt so good.

Almost felt like they lived happily ever after. Almost felt like it would never end.

Diluc spent so many days, so many weeks, so many months on Ajax’s side, witnessing every bit of change in his life, slowly recovering from any pain he had in his heart.

Their first kiss, their first cuddle, their first night, everything is recorded vividly in Diluc's mind. He cherished them like a precious treasure, holding dear every smile he could catch from Ajax’s lips in every memory they made, making him couldn't help but fall deeper to the man in his arms.

They spent the nights with kisses, with some giggles in between. They spent the weekend with picnics, going to new places, laughing heartily with the breeze. Sometimes they stayed at home, spending a lazy morning together before they visited Diluc's home where Ajax had a drink with his father, or even had a fun cooking session with Adelinde.

It felt good.

Everything felt good.

Diluc almost hoped it would never end.

“Do you think we can do this forever?”

Ajax stopped his hands altogether. The flower crown he worked on is almost finished. He took a moment to stay still, maybe to think of any answer. But then he said nothing, he continued working with the flowers in his hand as if his question didn't matter.

“I would love to have this forever,” Diluc said. His gaze landed on the vast blue sky above, his lips made a small curve as he saw a cloud that resembled Ajax's face. “Let's have this forever.”

“Forever is too long, isn't it?” Ajax mumbled as he put the flower crown on Diluc's head. His eyes landed on him with a distant gaze —the same gaze that emerged sometimes when they got to a new place. There was a faint smile on his lips before Ajax fixed his gaze on his eyes. “Let's just enjoy the present.”

The wind blows softly, tousling the wild strands of Ajax's hair messy. The dandelion seeds blown by the wind somehow made his smile look far more calming, making Diluc couldn't help but smile too despite the implicit rejection he just received.

“Yeah,” he said. Maybe forever is too long. After every parting Ajax had gone through, maybe forever is indeed too long. “Stay with me.”

Ajax smiled wider, but it didn't reach his eyes —it never reached his eyes somehow whenever they talked about whatever this is. He didn't say anything at all before he leaned in, kissing his lips softly.

The first few seconds of their kiss somehow always felt distant, almost like Ajax was not there with him. But then it felt so tender, making his stomach churn from all the butterflies flying inside. At the end, Ajax would stare at him with a gaze that felt like love —even when it felt distant still, even when it felt faraway that he thought he would never be able to reach.

No matter.

Chapter Text

“I love you.”

Diluc says, breaking the silence of the night. They are lying on their bed, enjoying each other’s presence after a blissful night.

Ajax looked up to his eyes. There was a faint smile on his lips as he heard his whisper. Then Ajax made his way closer, eliminating any distance between their bodies, cuddling him like he's a kid desperate for attention. “I know.”

And that's it.

Ajax never said it back.

It hurt sometimes, but Diluc always knew better —beggars can't be choosers. It's already a blessing that Ajax is willing to let him love.

So Diluc tightened his hug, wrapping Ajax close in his embrace, giving him as much warmth as he could. The scent of Ajax's hair always made him feel calm, healing any ache in his heart, soothing any thoughts tangled in his head. Maybe Ajax is some kind of nicotine —it would explain why he gets addicted to him like a madman.

“I love you.”

“I know,” Ajax whispered back. He could feel Ajax snuggled closer before he left a kiss on his neck. “What can I do without you, Dee.”

Diluc fell silent.

His eyes blinked slowly as he inhaled more of Ajax's scent. Ajax always smelled like the ocean, reminding him of the breeze in the summer. He wonders if Ajax knows how much joy he gives just by existing.

“I love you.”

And Ajax stayed silent still.

Chapter Text

There is no denying that Diluc felt tired sometimes.

The sparks in Ajax's eyes never came back. He had given his all —his time, his warmth, his love, but Ajax still didn’t look happy, like everything he did was in vain. Ajax would still look at him with the same distant gaze, Ajax would still have those longing eyes even in his wide smile.

Sometimes, the spark in his eyes almost came back.

Almost.

For a fleeting moment reminding Diluc of what made him go this far.

It only stayed for one good second or two before it vanished following whatever thought Ajax had in his mind. It made Diluc feel desperate sometimes. It made Diluc feel helpless most of the time.

It made Diluc want to give up.

Maybe, he is indeed never good enough.

Maybe, the future he offered has never been as good as his past.

Maybe, he indeed never deserves Ajax.

That is until Ajax came back one evening with a smile he had long to see. It was no different than his usual smile —it was just as wide, it was just as cheery. But, there was something different with his eyes —it sparked, it emitted a faint light that made him look far more ethereal. It made Diluc feel relieved —not because he can finally reach his goal, but because he was relieved to know that Ajax could get back his old self, that Ajax could get back the happiness he always deserves.

“You seem happy these days.”

Ajax turned to face him, ignoring the TV shows that he had waited all week.

So Diluc stared at him back, there was a small smile resting on his lips before he continued, “I’m glad.”

“I—” Ajax kept his mouth shut, seemingly reluctant with anything he wanted to say. “Thank you.”

It was a weird answer, it was a weird response now when Diluc thinks about it. But he smiled nonetheless, he leaned in to leave a slight kiss on Ajax's cheek.

“Let's keep it this way,” he whispered. “I will make sure you will always be this happy, maybe even happier.”

Ajax remained silent. But then some tears welled up in his eyes before he reluctantly nodded.

Chapter Text

It happened rarely at first.

Once a month sometimes, once every two months most of the time. Ajax would always come home with sparks in his eyes, as if he found back his happiness on his journey during fieldwork. Maybe he found back the joy in his job, discovering new objects and places to make masterpieces.

And of course, Diluc was so naive for that.

Maybe, Ajax just found back the old love he had lost.

Diluc always noticed the love marks scattered on Ajax’s skin whenever he came back. They looked so brand new, so he is certain they were not his doing. There were so many of them, as if whoever the maker wanted the world to know that Ajax belongs to them. So Diluc made so much more, leaving more marks to claim Ajax back.

The fact that Ajax didn't even try to cover it up hurt his heart at first. But then Ajax smiled, with the sparks in his eyes that Diluc always longs to see. It made him realise that maybe this is the cost to bring back Ajax's smile. Maybe Ayato had always been the key to bring back that endearing smile. So Diluc would just smile back, enjoying every second of happiness that feels like a mirage.

“I love you.”

Not just silence, this time the guilt in Ajax's eyes was what he also got.

No matter.