Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

‘’My old self. That’s the third person I killed.’’
Coriolanus’s words have been echoing inside my head for hours. He had this nasty habit of underestimating me again and again. Or maybe he was just overestimating himself. Either way serves me well, though. Pretending to be clueless will keep me alive for now.
I follow him as we trek along the forest on our way to the cabin, the first stop on our journey north. When he opens the old wooden door for me to pass, I have to ignore the voice inside me telling me to run.
Not yet. If Coriolanus suspects that I don’t believe him, my name will be the fourth on his victims list, right after his ‘’old self’’.
The sky has been ominously gray from the moment we left District 12, so I’m not surprised to hear the rain falling against the cabin’s ceiling. Corioanus looks relaxed, which doesn’t do anything to soothe my nerves. But I can tell he is distracted, like he is waiting for something.
Now is as good a time as any. Our packs lay on the floor, so nothing will slow me down. Since Coriolanus is resting on the dusty armchair by the empty fireplace, I’d have a head start of at least 3 seconds, maybe more if he didn’t notice me walking out. I reach for the door.
“Where are you going?” He is trying to sound nonchalant.
“Just getting some Katniss for dinner.” I give him what I hope looks like an easy smile, and rain drenches me as I walk out. I can feel Coriolanus’ eyes on my back, burning a hole straight to my heart. I turn around to face him one last time, almost certain he will be standing up with a gun aiming straight to my head.
He’s still sitting by the fireplace instead. Coriolanus doesn’t even move. He just stares at me, then tilts his head to the side slightly. Like he’s daring me.
He knows.
I bolt. Fear spikes through me, and my legs move as fast as they can. The rain has settled over the earth, turning it into mud that sticks to my boots and makes running even harder.
I expect him to reach me at any moment now, grabbing me by my hair, my wrist, my foot.
I need to be faster. I’m almost reaching the edge of the forest now. Then I can disappear into the woods, never to be seen again. I ignore the way my eyes are blurring from running too fast, until I feel my movements start to lag.
Something is not right.
I slow down, panic rising as I notice my feet just can’t seem to leave the ground anymore, turning my race into stumbling steps through the damp soil. I feel dizzy, the connection between my brain and body faltering.
I can’t move my legs, and the sensation is spreading fast to other limbs. I look back at the cabin, dread washing over me as I see Coriolanus leaning on the door frame, watching me. He didn’t bother following. He knew I wasn’t going anywhere.
Poison, just the way he taught me during the Games.
But how? We shared the same food and water, so there was no way he could have done this without poisoning himself too. It had to be in something else.
I claw at my neck as a memory from this morning flashes through my mind.
‘’Here,’’ He said, wrapping his mother’s scarf around my neck. ‘’It will protect you from the sun.’’
‘’The sun is nowhere to be seen, Coriolanus.’’
‘’Then it will protect you from the rain.’’
As usual, I thought he was just being a little controlling, so I kept it.
Whatever he put on the scarf took its time to penetrate my skin before knocking me over completely, but I’m sure he planned that as well.
I feel my knees giving in and hitting the soft mud covering the ground. “No.” I whisper as he finally moves, making his way towards me. “Please.” I ask the sky, turning my eyes upwards and staring into the grey clouds, no longer feeling the raindrops against my skin. My face hits the mud next, and I feel the air being knocked out of my lungs as my chest follows.
I close my eyes for the last time, mourning the fact that Coriolanus' silhouette will be the last thing I see before I die.

Death isn’t how I thought it would be.
I longed to see my parents in the afterlife, full of light and joy. But it is cold and quiet here, and I can feel a hard surface under my body.
I wonder if I’m in hell, because the Devil has come to greet me instead. Coriolanus’ face is grim, and he notices when I stir uncomfortably.
So I can move again, and I'm also not dead. I have a terrible feeling about where this is going. Death doesn't seem like such a bad prospect anymore. There´s something in my arm, another one of the Capitol’s needles. I make a move to rip it off, but Coriolanus catches my wrist, pinning it back in place.
“It’s the antidote.” he explains.
“You poisoned me.” Playtime is over.
“It's just a nerve-blocking substance. I knew it wouldn’t hurt you.”
He couldn’t possibly know that. Every poison has to be carefully dosed before administration. Even nerve-blocking substances could kill you by paralyzing the respiratory muscles if a single extra drop went unaccounted for.
“Where are we going?” I ask, changing the subject like he wasn’t taking me against my will after picking me up from a pool of mud. There's no point in arguing, especially when I’m so vulnerable that he could end me with very little effort in case he had a change of heart. I need to stall and assess my situation.
By the way the room tilts softly from time to time, I know we are on a vehicle of some sort. Not a train or a car, which would bump according to the road surface. The ceiling looks metallic, and I assume the thing I'm currently laying on is a stretcher.
“We’re on our way to the Capitol.” He answers.
“You can’t take me there. You know that.”
He tries to touch me again, and I flinch. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
Unless he has to, because then I'm pretty sure he would not hesitate.
“Coriolanus” I plead. “I can’t go back there. Let me go.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. Leave me wherever we are now, and I’ll find my way back to District 12. Maybe I can even escape into the woods of some other district. It doesn’t matter. I’ll find my way, and I’ll never tell a soul about what you did.”
Coriolanus just stares at me like I'm a child, too naive to understand what is really going on. I’m conscious enough to start panicking now, because I can’t see a way out of this. He´ll take me to the place I hate the most and lock me up God knows where. Tears start stinging my eyes, but I'm still too weak to move my torso, so I just let them fall freely through the sides of my eyes.
He wipes it gently.
‘’Please.’’ I whisper one more time.
“I’m not letting you go, Lucy Gray. Not today, not ever.”
I choke down a sob. I can’t afford to look weak in his eyes, especially now. I know very well what Coriolanus does to those he considers weak.
“You have nothing.’’ I insist, trying to make him see through his delusion. Something about this feels off. He has nowhere to go in the Capitol, and yet everything about this seems planned. Coriolanus leaves nothing to chance, so there must be something else he hasn't told me. ‘’You said you lost everything after you were sent to District 12. Or was that another lie?”
“It wasn’t. Things changed after Sejanus died.”
“You mean after he was murdered.”
He ignores my accusation.
“Before Sejanus was hanged, I sent a letter to his father, informing him of the situation. I owed Sejanus that much, since they didn't allow him to send any letters from jail. I knew it wouldn’t arrive on time for his father to intervene in his sentence, but Mr. Plinth was touched by my attempt. He and his wife always knew I was Sejanus' only friend. In their eyes, I was his protector.”
I want to laugh at the irony. They could not have been more wrong.
“After his death, they grew even fonder of me. Mr. Plinth contacted me again about two weeks ago. He demanded the Academy take me back and offered me one of their properties to live in while I finished my studies. He was prepared to use any means necessary to ensure I had a place at the Capitol, and even if they are from the Districts, the Plinths have a lot of influence. Not only that, but they can buy their way into anything. But it turns out the Academy didn’t need any convincing at all. All these months in district 12 were just a very creative experiment designed by my dearest mentor.’’ He says the last part with disdain, making clear there is no love lost between him and Dr. Gaul. ‘’I was always supposed to go back. Of course they never told me, otherwise I wouldn't have learned my lesson.”
I let the words sink in. I always knew being a runaway wasn’t Coriolanus’ biggest aspiration in life, but he had few other choices. Staying in any district as a Peacekeeper would never satisfy him either, so he chose to leave with me. Or so I believed.
The idea of returning to the Capitol was too much temptation for him, but he knew I'd never agree to it. The Capitol or me - he could only choose one. Except Coriolanus decided it didn't matter, because he could have both by ignoring one silly little thing: my will.
“Mr. Plinth sent word that they would be taking me back in two weeks time, and if there was anything he could provide for my journey back, I should ask him promptly. He was so eager to help, especially when I told him about you. For as much power as the man has, he still has a soft spot for the districts, so Mr. and Mrs. Plinth were all too happy to help me take you back. They knew you couldn’t travel undocumented by the usual means, so they kindly provided me with this” he says, gesturing around. “It’s a hovercraft. It picked us up from the forest, no questions asked. We’ll be landing on their property shortly.”
Of course he had a plan. The Plinth family would be taking him in like a son, without even suspecting he was behind their actual son’s death.
“What makes you so sure I won’t tell them the truth? I could destroy your new life with just a few words. I’m not scared of you.” I'm actually terrified of him, yet a part of me can't help but provoke Coriolanus. It's the only resistance I can offer right now, and I don’t want to just go along with this like a puppet on his strings. I can only hope he doesn’t notice how my hands are shaking, and the fact that it's becoming very hard for me to breathe.
“I wouldn’t doubt for a second that you’d do it. But know this: my protection means your protection. Leave me vulnerable, and you’ll be exposed the most. What do you think they would do to me? Hate me, that’s for sure. Shun me, maybe. But Dr. Gaul already took me in as one of her interns. She was eager to have me back, her little experiment finally complete. I can claw my way back to the top, even without the Plinths money. But you, Lucy Gray? You´d have nowhere to go. You think they’d just let you go back to District 12 after you illegally entered the Capitol? Try to harm me all you want, but you’ll only be hurting yourself. My survival is your survival, but the other way around is not true. You’re bound to me now. I’m your best and only chance, so you’re keeping quiet and staying with me.”
Coriolanus has me right where he wants me: under his power.
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper, horrified.
“Isn’t it obvious, Lucy Gray?” He wipes the new surge of tears spilling from my eyes. I let him, feeling the fight leave my body. “Because I love you.”
He says it with such devotion I almost believe him. And I really want to, just like I did this morning. It feels like it’s been ages.
Maybe he even believes himself and sees this twisted plan as a demonstration of his love. Too bad I’m not sure Coriolanus is capable of loving anything he can’t control.
…

I have no idea how long it took for us to get to the Capitol. Halfway through the trip, my body started to shiver from the temperature and the cold liquid that kept being pushed inside my arm. Coriolanus covered me with a blanket and carefully removed the needle after the antidote was finished, bandaging my arm around the tiny puncture it had left on my skin. He knows his way around needles just fine, it seems.
By the time we land, my body is almost fully recovered. I still feel weak, but functional. Coriolanus said I’d have a “full recovery.” Like I could ever recover from this day.
I take in the terrace we landed on, an expansive artificial garden on top of a building that must be about three stories tall. The property he mentioned, probably. My new home, according to him. I want to laugh at the thought.
“The Plinths have a manor on the outskirts of the Capitol, so this house was vacant.” Coriolanus explains as he helps me down the narrow metal stairs descending from the hovercraft.
“Did Sejanus tell you that?” I ask, letting go of his hands and regretting it immediately. My legs are nowhere near stable enough to hold my weight while I climb down the stairs, and my knees give in as soon as I stop using his body for support. He holds me as I fall, placing me carefully on the ground and resting his hands on my waist. The sunlight on the terrace hurts my eyes after so long in the dim metal interior of the hovercraft. I can barely see anything, and a shiver goes down my spine as I feel his mouth near my ear.
“You will behave, Lucy Gray.” Coriolanus whispers.
The message is clear: behave, or you’ll be asking Sejanus yourself.

Chapter Text

‘’Absolutely not.’’ I say after taking in the accommodations Coriolanus has selected for me.
It's an adjoining room, meaning he'll have access to me whenever he wants. ‘’I want a separate room. In fact, I want the room farthest from yours. Don´t worry, no amount of length can be too much.’’
‘’You don't have a choice, Lucy Gray. Besides, we’re not sharing the same room. These are adjoined suites.’’
‘’There are four rooms in this house!’’
‘’Tigris and my grandmother will be staying with us while the Plinths finish the renovations on our penthouse. They’ll be taking the other two rooms.’’
‘’Then share the adjoining room with one of them instead!’’ I hate how much I sound like a spoiled child, but that is the effect Coriolanus has on people. He can drive you insane as easily as he can draw breath.
‘’Grandma’am needs the room on the first floor so she won’t have to use the stairs all the time. Tigris will have the room on the east wing, where the light is better, since she needs to draw and sew for her designer internship.’’
‘’Coriolanus.’’ I pace back and forth indignantly. ‘’I'm not sharing a room with you. I'll sleep on the garden if I have to.’’
‘’You´re not a dog, Lucy Gray, and I told you we’re not sharing a room.’’ He moves to the wall that would now work as the only barrier between him and me. ‘’You can just close the door. There's even a lock, so you won't have to worry about me invading your space.’’
I doubted very much that a lock would stop Coriolanus from entering my room if he wanted to. Breaking in would be a walk in the park compared to his ever-growing list of crimes.
‘’No. That's my final answer.’’
‘’Fine. Sleep wherever you want. I´ll just drag you back.’’
He would.
‘’If you think even for a second that I will someday forgive you for this, Coriolanus, you´re dead wrong.’’
He takes a step in my direction, and I recoil. His blue eyes narrow in calculation.
‘’Are you afraid of me, Lucy Gray?’’ I don't answer. He moves, opening the door between our rooms and motioning for me to pass through. ‘’You should be.’’
I cross over the passage as fast as I can, slamming the door shut and locking it immediately. I fought so hard to survive the Games, only to end up in the same situation I was 6 months ago: forced to stay in the Capitol, my life at risk and under Coriolanus’ power.
His family arrives the next day. I hear them coming into the house, but still refuse to leave my room. I feel ungrateful for starting a hunger strike right when I have unlimited food at my disposal for the first time in my life, but there was no way I would just join the Snows family reunion over casual breakfast.
So I shower, change into the fancy clothes the Pinths provided for me, and lay on the ridiculously big bed in the corner of the room. I wonder how long I can stare into the ceiling before Coriolanus decides to come for me.
A knock on the door makes me sit instantly. It is locked, so there is no way in, although Coriolanus probably has spare keys. I don't answer, closing my eyes and willing him away.
‘’Lucy Gray?’’ A female voice calls. ‘’It’s Tigris, Coryo’s cousin.’’
I don’t really care for his family, so I don’t bother answering.
‘’I’d like to meet you.’’ She says timidly, already making me feel a little guilty. She didn’t even sound like she was related to the evil spawn. ‘’Did you like the clothes?’’
So Tigris was responsible for my new wardrobe. She did a good job, despite the fact that it lacked some color. The pieces look expensive, but comfortable to wear. She selected everything according to Capitol fashion, then made it easier for me to assemble outfits by including mostly pieces that would look good together without much effort or knowledge.
Guilt wins in the end, so I get up and open the door.
‘’Nice to meet you, Tigris.’’ I say, motioning for her to follow me inside to the sitting area near the floor to ceiling window that opened up to what I assumed was the yard.
‘’I'm so glad we can finally meet. I couldn’t believe when Coriolanus told me he convinced you to move here with him.’’ That’s one way of putting it.
‘’I still can’t believe it myself.’’
‘’How do you like the house?’’
‘’I haven’t seen much of it yet.’’
‘’Don’t worry, the maids can show you around later.’’
So we had maids now. The Plinths must be really head over heels with Coriolanus. I give Tigris a tight smile, doing my best to hide my discomfort.
‘’Do you like the wardrobe?’’ She looks so hopeful.
‘’It’s lovely, thank you.’’
Silence stretches, but I can’t force myself to make any more small conversation. I’m still too angry for polite chatter.
‘’I was hoping to see you at breakfast.’’
‘’I’m not a morning person, so I usually just skip breakfast.’’
My stomach chooses this exact moment to make the loudest noise in history, giving me away instantly. Tigris eyes me with curiosity.
‘’Are you hungry?’’
‘’Not at all.’’
‘’I see. I’ll ask the maids to bring you something anyway. Just in case you change your mind.’’
I want to tell her there is no need for that, but the ache in my stomach is enough to make me want to end my very short lived hunger strike. I wasn’t by any means a stranger to being on an empty stomach, hunger an old acquaintance by now. Except there isn’t much of a point to it anymore. Not eating would only make me weaker, and it’s not like Coriolanus would care anyway, much less send me back to District 12. No, I'm sure I’ll have to find a way back myself. I just need time.
‘’See you at lunch?’’ She asks, standing up to leave.
‘’Sure.’’ I lie, knowing it’s way too soon for me to be around Coriolanus with knives at my disposal.
She opens the door on her way out, then stops to greet someone at the entrance. I can’t move fast enough to shut the door, so Coriolanus just strides into my room like he owns the place. Maybe he really does now, so I don’t even bother telling him to get out.
‘’How is my owner doing today?’’ I ask sweetly.
‘’Missed you at breakfast.’’
‘’Eating without you is the surest way to a poison-free meal. Can’t be too safe these days.’’ I shift on my seat, still unsettled by his presence. He comes closer, and I regret sitting down again. I can’t back away from him now. Instead of sitting on the armchair by my side, he surprises me by kneeling on the floor in front of me. He takes in my hand with his left, and rests the other on the inside of my knee. It’s a power move, and I try really hard to ignore the way Coriolanus is just casually positioned between my legs. I remind myself that I hate him now, and the sight of him kneeling in front of me means nothing. The smell of his shampoo means nothing, his mouth means nothing, his dilated pupils mean nothing. I feel his thumb tracing circles over the skin of my leg.
‘’Why would I poison you again, Lucy Gray? I have you right where I want you.’’
My body flushes at his words, and he gives me a knowing look. ‘’Don’t miss lunch. I’d hate to have to spoon-feed you.’’ Then he stops, reconsidering his words.’’Actually, that’s not- ‘’
‘’Do not finish this sentence, Coriolanus.’’ I say, pushing his hands away. ‘’Just leave. I’ll be at lunch, if only so you’ll not have another excuse to come in here.’’
A young maid comes by a few minutes later, as Tigris promised. There was no way I’d be able to eat everything she put on the tray, so I grabbed a toast and some fruit. I hate wasting food, but Capitol people don’t seem to share the sentiment.
Barely a day has passed since I got here, and I’m already terribly bored. Back in 12, I was alway busy with something. If it wasn’t singing, it was rehearsal. If it wasn’t rehearsal, it was song-writing, or foraging, or helping around the house, or taking care of Maudy Ivory, or laughing with the Covey. I stare at the white adorned walls, feeling like they’re starting to close in on me. When I can no longer take the sensation of being suffocated, I leave the room. I didn’t even last the first day without breaking my resolve, I realize with a sigh. Knowing Coriolanus, the room was intentionally void of any form of entertainment, designed to force me out or drive me insane. He was succeeding at both.
I make my way to the dining room, still getting used to the luxury of the place. I’m surprised to find Coriolanus is not sitting at the head of the table, but taking the chair opposite to his Grandmother and Tigris instead. The only extra plate is set to his right, forcing me to either sit by his side or move the dishes somewhere else. I don’t want to cause a scene yet, so I take my seat, resigned.
I face his family. It’s hard to hate Tigris. She looks nothing like Coriolanus, and her shy but sweet demeanor seems genuine. His grandmother, on the other hand, looks like she just ate something sour. There is no sweetness to her face as she looks at me, and I feel like a dirty fly who just landed on her favorite food. Then she looks at Coriolanus like he was the one to bring said fly inside the house and put it on the food. He tenses, already sensing where this is going.
“No.’’ She tells him sternly, like he’s a child asking to keep a stray dog. ‘’Get rid of her.’’
“Grandmother!” Tigris says indignantly.
I agree with the old bat, even if she appears to not know that. He should definitely get rid of me. Unfortunately, everyone is under the impression that I’m here voluntarily, and I’m using Coriolanus as my ticket out of the Districts.
‘’Grandmother’’ he starts patiently. ‘’Lucy Gray is not going anywhere. She’s one of us now, and we will welcome her into the family.
I snort at that, and every head on the table turns in my direction.
‘’Sorry, choked on my water.’’ I try to look sheepish.
‘’Look at her!’’ Grandmother scolds. ‘’She has no manners. Can you even use a fork?’’
I want to show her how good I am with a fork by using it to stab her in the eye.
‘’Actually, I’m glad you mentioned it, Grandmother. I need someone to teach Lucy Gray the Capitol’s etiquette before we can introduce her to society, and I was thinking you’re the perfect woman for the job.’’
Coriolanus meant for it to sound flattering, but his Grandmother was having none of it.
“I’ll not clean up your messes anymore, Coriolanus. Do you think a district savage could learn proper manners? She should be locked up. She has killed people!”
So this Capitol Dinosaur had no idea I was already locked up, and her precious grandson’s body count made mine pale in comparison.
“I may be a savage, but I do have a talent or two. I can sing without making people’s ears bleed, for example. Too bad you can’t say the same. We all have our flaws, I guess. ” I won’t let her insult me over and over. Coriolanus’ hand finds my leg under the table, and he squeezes it in warning.
“Excuse me?”
She looks offended, because I dared to speak directly to her or because I insulted her singing, I have no idea. I can tell I caught her off guard, though. I have never heard her sing, but the way her voice sounds like chalk scratching a board gives me a pretty good guess.
“Coriolanus told me all about how much you love the Capitol’s Anthem. It explains a lot. He never seemed to be right in the head, being traumatized with a sound like that since he was a baby--“
“Lucy Gray” he gives me a look to make clear I am not to play games with this woman. The boredom I felt earlier just now started to dissipate. I’m no longer above bickering with an old lady just for fun’s sake, especially the one in question.
“This is why I won’t teach her.” his grandmother looks at Coriolanus as if she just won her point.
‘’Then you must not be a very good teacher, since you give up so easily.”
“I know a lost cause when I see one, girl.”
“I’d have accepted giving you singing lessons anyway.”
The tension is almost palpable in the air now. I’m going to get hit. By whom, I’m not sure. His grandmother seems just like the type to defend physical punishment as a learning tool, and I always knew Coriolanus had a temper. Poor Tigris just sits in stunned silence, caught in the crossfire. The room is quiet for a few seconds, and I brace for impact. Then the old hag turns to Coriolanus and laughs.
“She’s got guts, this one. Maybe even a little brains.” Then she turns to me, all traces of joy gone from her face. “You got what you wanted, young lady. I’ll be seeing you soon. Turns out I do have a thing or two to teach you.”

“Did you just pick a fight with a 75 year old woman?” Coriolanus asks incredulously after lunch. He is, again, in my room. So much for not invading my space.
“She thinks I’m your pet. She called me a savage!”
“She didn’t mean it.”
Now I want to hit him. She damn well meant it, and he knows. Yet he didn’t deny the first part.
“Why does it have to be her? Couldn’t you just ask Ms. Plinth?”
“Ms. Plinth may have manners, but she is by no means a Capitol woman. Grandmother is the only one who knows about your presence aside from Tigris and the staff, so you’ll learn to work with her. I think you actually impressed her today.”
Of course his grandmother would find the ability to cause intrigue an amusing trait. She was a Snow too, after all.

Chapter Text

Two months go by before I’m allowed into society. Two long, dreadful months of lessons from Grandma’am and avoiding Coriolanus at all cost. Tigris gave me notebooks and all sorts of pencils, so at least I was able write in my free time. Then one day she came home with a guitar, winning me over entirely. We talked almost every morning before she left for work, but since we had nothing in common, the conversation was usually limited to her sharing stories about her day. I didn’t mind. Any type of information about the Capitol might help me escape in the future.
Coriolanus hasn’t been home much after our first week here. He is now attending university in the mornings and working in his internship with Dr. Gaul in the afternoon. The rest of his time is spent studying or out with his friends or the Plinths.
It bothers me how easily he just tossed me aside the moment something else got his attention, like I was a doll he no longer cared to play with. Like he hadn’t forced me to move back to the place I hated the most and confined me for months with no company except for his family and the maids.
Sometimes, I wondered if he was having an affair. Then I wondered if it would even be considered an affair, since we weren’t actually together, and why do I even cared about Coriolanus’ love life anyway?
‘’Smile!’’ Grandma'am orders, poking me in the ribs with a plastic ruler. I hold my smile in place, not bothering to complain anymore. Sometimes my lessons were only about this - how to hold a fake smile during the most boring social events known to men, until I could no longer feel the muscles around my mouth but managed to keep a pleasant face despite being dead on the inside. She’d make me stand up and smile politely for 2 hours straight while she went on and on about the glorious Capitol history. Today is no different, and it almost makes me miss her previous lessons on how to use cutlery. At least I had something to do with my hands instead of just keeping them carefully laced in front of me.
‘’What do you think?’’ Coriolanus' voice echoes in the room, and I straighten my spine even further. I haven’t seen him in days, since he no longer has his meals with us. ‘’Is she ready?’’
‘’As ready as she’ll ever be.’’ Grandma’am says, and I almost think it’s a compliment. It seems enough for Coriolanus, who kisses her cheek and beams.‘’I knew you could do it.’’
She takes her leave after this, mercifully ending today’s lesson.
‘’I finally got your documentation finished. It wasn’t easy, but it should be safe for you to leave the house now.’’
‘’And how will the poor Capitol citizens sleep knowing there’s a wild animal on the loose?’’ Now that he’s right in front of me, I can no longer hide my anger.
‘’Temper, Lucy Gray. I hope your manners really are better than that, because you’ll be meeting people sooner than I expected. Clemensia is throwing herself a birthday party. I know.’’’ He cuts me off when I open my mouth to protest. ‘’I don’t want to go either, but everyone who matters is going to be there, and they are dying to meet you in person.’’
‘’Is this a joke?’’ I ask incredulously. ‘’You leave me alone for days like I’m just an afterthought in your new life, and now you tell me to play nice to the public while you give me orders?’’ This sounds weirdly familiar, but I don’t mention it.
‘’You told me to stay away from you. Now you’re angry because I did what you asked?
I did tell him to stay away. The actual words weren’t that civilized, but the message was clear. And now I hate him even more, because that was the first time Coriolanus ever did as I asked. I can’t tell him that, so I remain silent for a few seconds before he continues.
‘’Then we’re all sorted. We’ll be leaving Saturday night. Tigris will help you pack.’’
‘’Pack what?’’ I don’t like this.
‘’Clemensia’s family owns a ski resort in the mountains. It’s a long drive, so they’ll be providing accommodations for everyone to stay the night. There will be a celebration in the evening, and the next day we’ll head to the ski tracks after breakfast. We should be back by Sunday evening.’’ I stare at him dumbfounded. ‘’Can you ski?’’
‘’Can you? I thought you were poor until 3 months ago.’’ I barely knew what skiing was, but I surmise it’s reserved for the Capitol’s rich if they had a resort just for that. Mostly, I just liked to remind Coriolanus that he was poor once too. Works every time, although I suspect he knows by now that I do it just to get a rise out of him.
‘’I learned it when I was child. My family was wealthy before the war, I already told you that.’’ I feel the corners of my mouth twitch upwards at his annoyance. ‘’Anyway, be ready on Saturday by 5 PM. We’ll be taking the Plinth’s private hovercraft, so the journey won’t be so exhausting.’’
‘’Can’t you just go without me? Tell them I’m sick with rabies or something. They’d believe that.’’
‘’Funny, but no. You’ll have to leave sooner or later. Better to do it in a controlled environment.’’
‘’Is this your idea of a controlled environment?’’
‘’It’ll be a private event. No outsiders, no cameras, no public exposure. You play the part for a day, then we come home and you can keep pretending you hate me.’’
‘’I won’t be pretending.’’
‘’Then it will be even easier for you. Saturday 5 pm. Be ready.’’
Coriolanus leaves like he didn’t just attack me with a surprise trip to hell.

Unfortunately, that was not all this week had in store for me. The next day, as I have breakfast under Grandma’am watch and she makes sure my every movement is according to her etiquette standards, a maid arrives with a note.
The old hag grabs it before I do, and straightens her glasses before reading. I can tell she doesn't like what she sees before she slides me the note. I hold back a smile, remembering how on our first lesson, she thought I couldn’t read.
‘’Dear Miss Gray,
We are glad to inform you that your Capitol citizenship has been approved under the article 2.56 of the Extraordinary Circumstances Legislation. In order to conclude the process, a specialist in District health and epidemics will be visiting you in the coming week to ensure you are in prime health before joining our esteemed city. Please be prepared for physical and laboratorial examination, as well as any procedures deemed necessary.
Best regards,
The Capitol’s Immigration Department.’’
‘’They think I’m diseased?’’ I ask indignantly, throwing the note back on the table.
‘’You do look malnourished. I’ll order the staff to be at the ready when the doctor comes.’’
The thought of someone else inspecting me made my skin crawl. I spend two nights in restlessness until the appointed doctor finally shows up at our door. I’m relieved to find it’s a young woman, her demeanor clinical yet gentle.
She inspects my mouth, skin, and muscles. She examines my eyes carefully, blinding me with the white light leaving the metal device she holds. Then she listens to my lungs and heart using a tool I’ve never seen before. We didn’t have any doctors in 12. We just got sick and hoped for the best. It wasn’t like anyone could afford any treatment either way.
She interrogates me about my wellbeing before proceeding to draw blood samples. How I hate the Capitol and their needles.
‘’Your results should be ready by the end of the day. I’ll be contacting Mr. Snow about them.'' I nod. ''Please give me your arm again.’’
‘’Whatever for? I thought you were done with the blood.’’ The woman was nothing but thorough in her examination.
‘’This is a contraceptive injection. It contains a plastic deposit that releases a hormone called progesterone. It inhibits ovulation. The implant will stay under your skin, but it shouldn’t bother you after the first few days.’’
I stare at her, slightly offended that she didn't ask for my permission beforehand. A minute stretches by as I consider the offer.
‘’I’m not planning on needing any contraceptive method.’’ I say finally.
‘’You can never be too sure.’’ She shoots me a complacent look.
‘’I’m not at risk of getting pregnant.’’
‘’For now. I understand your resistance, but unexpected things happen all the time. It would be best if you were prepared for when they do.’’
Corioanus would never force himself on me, since there were still lines that even he wouldn't cross. Yet my resolve starts to crumble when I consider my own feelings. He hasn’t touched me in months, leaving me aching and oversensitive even during our most innocuous interactions. I refused to seek him, but at this point, I wasn’t sure my will would survive any attempt he made.
‘’Fine.’’ I expose my arm.
‘’You are making the right decision.’’ The doctor uses a calm and reassuring tone while injecting the inside of my upper arm with a thick metal needle. I shiver as I feel the small plastic deposit painfully sliding under my skin.
‘’That shall be it for today. I’ll sign your health certificate after I take a look at your blood analysis. You’re slightly underweight too, so I’ll be sending the staff an adequate diet for weight gaining.’’
She leaves after I thank her, and I rub my arm. A bruise is already forming over the implant, and it hurts way more than she let on during her explanation. I curse as I go back to my room. It’s still early in the afternoon, but I’m exhausted from the past two sleepless nights. Besides that, being unconscious sounds delightful, since my arm now feels like it’s on fire. I resist the urge to dig the plastic out, closing the curtains and laying down on the soft bed instead.

I wake with a quick knock on the door, making me sit on the bed with a jolt.
‘’Come in!’’
‘’Tigris tells me you didn’t come for dinner.’’ Coriolanus says as he enters the room with a food tray. I rub my eyes and cross my legs on the bed, watching him. ‘’She also told me you had a visitor today.’’
‘’Courtesy of the Immigration Department.’’
He deposits the tray on the bed, passing me the cutlery. I wince when I reach for the fork, my skin still throbbing around the injection site. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Coriolanus.
‘’How was it?’’ He asks, but his eyes are already going up my arm, assessing.
‘’If you like to be poked and probed, it was just fine.’’ I try to hide the swollen bruise by positioning my arm closer to my body, which makes him even more suspicious.
‘’She sent me your blood work results. You have multiple vitamin deficiencies, so I picked up the supplements she prescribed on my way back from work.’’ He reaches for his pocket, taking out an orange plastic tube containing the pills. ‘’Take two in the morning with breakfast.’’
Coriolanus extends his arm to pass me the tube, and I reach for it.
I realize my mistake a second too late. I shift the pill container nervously on my left hand.
‘’You’re right handed.’’ He observes, and I’m silent for a moment before he takes my arm, his touch surprisingly gentle. ‘’What is this?’’ His eyes are dark as he examines the bruise, a cold expression taking over his features.
I can’t tell him, because he’ll draw conclusions about why I accepted the injection in the first place. He’ll know the hold he has on me even now. So I lie. ‘’Just a little wound from all that blood drawing.’’
‘’That is not where they draw blood from, Lucy Gray.’’ I don’t understand why he looks so angry. ‘’Did they hurt you?’’ I shake my head. ‘’Then what is it?’’
Coriolanus clearly wasn’t just going to let this go. If I didn’t tell him, he’d just ask the doctor for my medical records and find out on his own. That would be even worse.
‘’It 's an implant.’’ I say cautiosly.
‘’What type?’’
‘’A contraceptive one.’’
He shifts, letting my arm go. The coldness is gone from his face.
‘’Is that so?’’ Coriolanus looks amused. ‘’I didn’t think you’d need one.’’
‘’Why would you think that? You’re not the only man in the world.’’ He has no right to mock me for something that is his fault.
His amusement fades instantly. ‘’Careful, Lucy Gray. I’m not in the mood for your bantering today.’’
‘’You don’t believe I would seek other man?’’
‘’I’m well aware of the lengths you would go to spite me. But I also know you wouldn’t want any more blood on your hands.’’
‘’Try me.’’
His face is only inches from mine now. His smell is intoxicating, and I see his pupils dilating as he takes me in. I reprimand myself for letting my eyes stray to his mouth when his right hand cups my face. His thumb traces over my lower lip, and he inhales sharply when I take it into my mouth and suck. I couldn’t waste this opportunity to provoke him back for once.
Then Corioanus chuckles as he lets me go, and I do my best to hide my frustration.
‘’Consider yourself warned. Don’t forget you should be ready to leave for the mountains tomorrow. Try to bring your manners with you this time.’’
I scream into my pillow when I hear the door close.

Chapter Text

By the time Coriolanus comes to my room to help me with my luggage, my nerves are already frayed. The suitcase seems excessively full to me, but Tigris knew I wasn’t used to the cold, so she made sure to pack a lot of extra sweaters and winter clothes.
‘’Did you pack up your gloves?’’ Coriolanus asks, and I nod. ‘’What about wool socks? Your feet are always cold.’’ I nod again. ‘’Did Tigris put in extra sweaters for the-’’
‘’Yes, mom. I got everything I need.’’ I cut him off impatiently.
I didn’t sleep well, and the prospect of meeting Coriolanus’ friends is not doing wonders for my mood either. The last time they saw me, I was standing inside a cage in the zoo with a bunch of other starving kids like some exotic exhibition. That was hard to forget, and yet I am expected to meet them with grace.
‘’We’ll come back as soon as we can.’’
It is not much of a comfort, but Grandma’am is watching me from the living room, so I can’t just lash out now. 24 hours apart would give her plenty of time to plan new ways to torture me using etiquette lessons as an excuse.
I hear the hovercraft moving over the house, then feel it land on the terrace, causing the building to softly shake. We say our goodbyes to Tigris and Grandma’am and board the waiting vehicle. This hovercraft is not like the one used to bring me into the Capitol. It’s fully furnished, with leather armchairs and tables. The sun is setting outside, and the golden light spills from the multiple windows spread around the wall.
I take one of the seats while Coriolanus stores our luggage in the compartments on the walls. I push his hand away when he tries to reach for me.
‘’I was just going to fasten your seatbelt.’’
‘’I can do it myself.’’ I can’t, but I try anyway. It’s not hard, and it clicks in place as I finish. I hear a mimicking click on my side.
‘’Go sit somewhere else. We’ll have enough time together when we get there.’’
‘’I like to sit by the window.’’
‘’There are over twenty windows in this hovercraft.’’
I steady my hands on my lap as he evaluates me.
‘’This isn’t about the seats, is it? Talk to me.’’ I don’t. ‘’ You don’t have to be nervous.’’
‘’No, you don’t have to be nervous. I’m not having this conversation again. Let’s just get it over with. I’ll behave, then we get home and you stay away from me.’’
‘’Fine.’’
It’s a four hour trip to the mountains. Silence reigns the whole way.
Then we land, and it’s time to play my part.

Just as Coriolanus predicted, people were way more interested in meeting me than they should be. Their twisted fascination with the Hunger Games tributes is yet to fade. I move closer to him, feeling exposed and uncomfortable in the vast hall of the resort. Despite all the attention I’m receiving, most of the looks are not friendly. People look curious or outright displeased by my presence. I want to turn and run for the safety of the hovercraft, but I can’t afford to look weak.
‘’Coryo!’’ A high pitched feminine voice yells before colliding with Coriolanus, making him release my hand in order to hold her steady upon the impact. ‘’You came!’’
I wonder if I should introduce myself to the girl I assume is Clementia, then I realize she’s probably ignoring me on purpose. I’m secretly relieved I don’t have to speak to her while I feel everyone’s eyes on our little gathering. If we don’t move fast, soon other people will join.
‘’Wouldn’t miss it for the world.’’ Coriolanus says playfully as he helps her on her feet. ‘’Clementia, this is Lucy Gray. I’m sure you remember her.’’
‘’Of course!’’ She pretends she is just now noticing me. ‘’Nice to meet you, Lucy Gray.’’ She takes a quick look around, realizing everyone’s attention is on us. On me, more specifically. I can tell it bothers her, to share the spotlight. ‘’What a nice surprise. How many people can say they had a Victor in their birthday celebrations?’’ Clementsa says this loud enough for the crowd to hear, turning my controversial presence into an exclusive attraction at her party.
‘’Clemensia dear, do you mind showing us our accommodations? We had a terribly exhausting journey.’’
‘’I thought it was just a few hours if you used the hovercraft.’’ Clemensia frowns.
‘’Lucy Gray gets motion sickness very easily, and there was a lot of turbulence.’’
There wasn’t, but Coriolanus noticed people were now on their way to joining us. I try to look nauseated so we can leave faster.
‘’Of course.’’ Clemensia sounds disappointed by our departure, since it was just now starting to work in her benefit. ‘’The staff will show you your room.’’
A man in a red uniform motioned for us to follow him as another picked up our luggage. We took the elevator to the fifth floor, where he opened the door before handing Coriolanus the magnetic cards that were used to unlock the door. No card was given to me.
The door clicked softly after the men left, having placed our luggage on the floor and making sure everything was according to our liking. Should we need anything, we were to contact them promptly.
I exhale slowly, finally able to breathe properly away from so many eyes.
A quick look around the room is enough to make any relief leave my body, along with the last drops of my patience.
‘’What?’’ Coriolanus asks innocently, noticing the change in my mood.
“There’s only one bed in here.”
“Everyone thinks we’re a couple. We can’t have them looking too close, can we?”
“I don't care. I’m not sharing a bed with you.”
“Fine.” He takes the duvet from the bed and folds it, laying the material on the floor and placing a pillow on top of it, forming a makeshift bed. “You can sleep on the floor.”
“I’m not sleeping on the floor!”
“You were fine with it just a few months ago. What changed?” I can’t believe the audacity of this man.
“We’re on the top of a mountain. It’s freezing in here.” Even with the flames alight in the fireplace, the room is still chilly.
“Then I guess you don’t have a choice but to share the bed with me.”
“I’ll ask for another room. We can say we had a fight, a lovers quarrel. We’ll pretend to reconcile in the morning and go home to our happily ever after.”
“Too bad there are no rooms left, Lucy Gray. Clemensia filled the whole place with her friends and family.’’
How can someone like Clemensia have that many friends is beyond me. I pick up the pillow he placed on the floor and throw it at his head. He dodges it, letting out a laugh.
‘’Don’t be mad. The bed is big enough for you to keep your distance. That is, if you can hold yourself back.’’ He picks up the pillow I just threw at him and places it in the middle of the bed. ‘’See? We can even build a barrier between us, so I will be protected from you.’’
‘’Don’t be too convinced. I might try to smother you with this very pillow at any moment during the night.’’
‘’You wouldn’t. Without me, you’d be alone with these people.’’
‘’Without you, I wouldn’t be here in the first place.’’
Coriolanus drops the argument, no longer interested in talking after he got what he wanted. It makes sense that they would have given us a couple’s room without him asking, but I know him well enough to notice how much he is enjoying this moment.
‘’We should be getting ready. The celebrations will start soon, and you look exhausted.’’
I am exhausted, so I don’t say anything as I make my way to the bathroom. Like everything else in this place, it is exceedingly luxurious. I try to relax in the warm water, but the prospect of meeting Coriolanus’ friends again makes my stomach turn. Wrapping a towel around my body, I leave the bathroom, not bothering to get dressed or use the robe neatly folded by the staff. If I have to feel uncomfortable, so does Coriolanus.
I expected at least a snarky remark about the fact that I’m wearing my towel as a dress and leaving behind a trail of water as I enter the room. I’m met with silence instead as his eyes scan my body. Then he stands up abruptly, glides across the room and locks himself in the bathroom. The sound of the shower running fills the room a few seconds later.
Whatever Coriolanus is doing in there, I don’t want to know. At least he finally left me alone. I unpack my back and start taking out the clothes and products that Tigris prepared for me.
My makeup skills could use some improvement, so I try my best to apply the right products without looking like a clown. Except a clown wouldn’t look too out of place in the Capitol, which helps me to calm down even further. With a look in the vanity’s mirror, I decide I’m satisfied with the result. It will be dark, and people will be drunk, so no one will be looking too close.
Coriolanus comes out to grab his clothes, then finishes getting ready in the bathroom. It’s ironic how he is acting like a trapped animal when he was the one trying to trap me in the first place.
Once the pale blue gown that I chose for tonight slides around my body, I realize something went unnoticed when I tried it on earlier this week. Tigris was with me, so I didn’t pay much attention to detail. I wish I had, because as I try to reach the zipper on my back and pull it up by myself, I realize it’s a two-person job. I give up on my eighth attempt, feeling my shoulder blades burn from all the straining.
‘’A little help here?’’ I ask when I hear Coriolanus leaving the bathroom.
I don’t turn to face him, but I can feel him behind me. He touches my neck softly, and my traitorous body shivers at the gesture. Slowly, he pushes my hair over my right shoulder, exposing my back even further. The scent of his aftershave envelops me, and I want to drown in it. Coriolanus takes his time pulling up the zipper, then rests his hand on the side of my neck.
‘’You look beautiful.’’ He says, close to my right ear, and I melt a little. He chuckles. ‘’You didn’t need an excuse to ask me to touch you, Lucy Gray.’’
‘’Don’t flatter yourself. I wouldn’t want you to touch me unless it was absolutely necessary.’’
‘’Then why is your heart beating so fast?’’
I push his hand away from my neck. Coriolanus could feel my pulse against his fingertips, and it amused him greatly how it raced with his closeness.
‘’Wait.’’ He holds me in place before I turn. ‘’I have something for you.’’
A cold thread slides around my neck. I touch it, feeling the cool metal surface of the necklace he just gifted me.
‘’Take a look.’’
I move over to the mirror to analyze the gift. The chain is thin and delicate, made of glimmering white gold. The pendant contains a single diamond in its centre, surrounded by an intricate design ending in little points.
A snowflake, I realize.
I’ve never had such a beautiful piece of jewelry before. Or any piece of jewelry, to be honest.
I see the necklace for what it is, though. A sign of his ownership, clear for everyone to see. I consider taking it off, but the piece is too beautiful to go to waste. It will also work as a reminder for people when they approach me. They may not respect me as a person, but they will respect me as Coriolanus’ property.
‘’Thank you.’’
He helps me put on the white winter coat over my dress. Even if the celebrations were being held indoors, it was still pretty cold, and the temperature kept dropping as the night continued.
We’re almost out the door when he grabs me by the elbow.
‘’Don’t think I forgot about your little stunt with the towel, Lucy Gray. You’ll pay for that later.’’
Then we’re out in the corridor and he lets my arm go. We head to the party, Coriolanus assuming his social mask while I try to contain the chill of anticipation and fear running down my spine.

Chapter Text

The inside of the reception hall, unlike every other room in the resort, was not built to resemble a cozy winter cabin in the mountains. The tall ceiling and polished marble floor reminded me of the ballrooms I’ve seen only in pictures portrayed in the Capitol’s magazines. The lights were off, but hundreds of little star-shaped lamps hang from the ceiling, casting a magical glow to the place. Ice sculptures sat proudly on the top of each table along with the food, contributing to the whole ‘’winter palace’’ theme that the party intended to create. At least Clemensia had good taste.
People flock to us as we enter the hall, excited to greet Coriolanus, which comes as a surprise to me. I wasn’t aware that he was that well-connected now, or even truly liked by these people. I stand silently by his side as his friends compete for his attention. Being invisible tonight will spare me a lot of suffering, so I’m thankful for the shadow that his presence is casting over me. Until Coriolanus decides to step aside and present me to the crowd.
‘’Nice to meet you.’’ I plaster a mild smile on my face.
‘’Is this who I think it is?’’ A blonde girl approaches us, not bothering to hide how excited she is. ‘’Clemensia was just now telling us about your presence. I’m Livia.’’ The realization that she’s talking directly to me instead of Coryolanus catches me off guard, so I don’t have time to introduce myself again before she continues, trying to avoid the uncomfortable silence left by my lack of answer. ‘’You should come sit with us. Leave Coryo with his friends, you know how men are when they get together.’’
‘’Livia, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’’ Coriolanus tries to object, but she makes a gesture with her hand, dismissing him.
‘’You can have her all to yourself later. I’m taking her to the girl’s lounge before you guys bore her to death with your conversation.’’
She takes me by the hand, and I shoot a desperate look in Coriolanus’ direction. He nods in encouragement, but I can see the apprehension behind his reassuring expression. I follow Livia further into the hall, to a secluded space around a circular low table. Instead of the fancy chairs that occupy the rest of the hall, this table is surrounded by puff chairs and huge cushions. The girls lounge around the space, the scene looking way too casual for such an opulent celebration. Glasses of wine and champagne are passed around while they laugh about something a girl with pink hair just said. One of them notices me, then like robots being controlled by the same command, they all turn their head at once to face me.
I feel like an intruder as Clemensia introduces me briefly to her friends and they offer me a spot around the table. Trying to mimic one of their relaxed sitting positions so I can fit in, I take a look around the group, not surprised to find that all eyes turned on me.
‘’Will you sing us a song?’’ The girl with pink hair asks after the tenth invasive question they had sent my way since the moment I sat down.
‘’I’m afraid I’m a little out of practice.’’ In truth, I can feel Clemensia’s eyes burning a hole on my face as once again I steal her imaginary spotlight. I don’t want to aggravate her any further by singing and making her a spectator at her own party, so I’ll do anything to make these girls switch their attention. ‘’The decorations are lovely, Clemensia. Did you choose them yourself?’’
My question seems to startle everyone. It breaks the pattern of interrogation they set by asking me question after question without allowing me to really participate in the conversation. Clemensia recovers fast.
‘’Well, thank you. Yes, I chose it myself.’’ Then she goes on about an infinity of details that I don’t really care about, but fill me with relief because I’m no longer the subject that is being discussed.
The elegant white clock on the wall opposite to me tells me that more than one hour has passed since I joined these girls. Not yet an acceptable amount of time before I take my leave, so I try to focus on the dull socialite conversation being held. Almost all of them are drunk now, laughter coming from their mouths easier and louder than it did before. I remain painfully sober, not willing to be any more vulnerable than I already am as the only outsider.
Then, as all women do when they are drunk and think nobody is listening, they start talking about topics that would be otherwise frowned upon if spoken in public.
All the names mentioned so far mean nothing to me, but it’s clear these girls are way more experienced than I thought young Capitol heirs would be. Some of them have me actually blushing with their very open narratives.
‘’So, Clemensia.’’ The pink-haired girl says teasingly. ‘’You and Persephone? No one was surprised, really. You’ve been mooning over her for months. Where is she?’’
‘’She couldn’t make it.’’ Clemensia answers in a neutral tone, but it’s clear she’s upset. I can’t help but feel a little sorry for her. For all the attention she was getting today, none of it came from the person she liked. But since Clemensia doesn’t want to talk about it, she decides to throw me to the sharks instead.
‘’Lucy Gray.’’ Clemensia says in an almost too cheery voice. Once again, the weight of everyone’s scrutiny threatens to crush me. ’’What about you and Coryo?’’
I can’t just ignore the question, and I have to give them enough so that they won’t press me any further.
“Don’t have anything to complain about.” Except the discomfort of having this conversation, with these girls of all people.
“Yes, I remember how skillful he is in the bedroom.” Livia says with a suggestive smile. She should definitely go easier on the wine. The clock finally tells me I’ve been here for two hours, so the required amount of time to be spent at this function is up. Grandma’am would be proud that I held on for so long under highly distressing circumstances. All things considered, my first social interaction with the high society was a success. I risk a look at Coriolanus, but he’s completely immersed in his conversation.
“Don’t be shy.” The girls tease, but their looks no longer seem friendly or politely interested in what I’m saying. They seem mean and way too eager, ready to hear me finally say anything that will allow them to rip me apart as soon as I turn my back. It must have been hard to tolerate my presence all night, having to smile and take me in like I was one of them. By the way their eyes are shining with hate, a good amount of alcohol was enough to drown their pretense.
“Don’t worry, sweetie.” Livia is not using the term in an endearing way. “We know all about how good he is with his-“
“That’s enough.” My voice comes out louder than I meant it to, startling even myself. I’m not bothered by Coriolanus’ promiscuous past, I just really don’t want to think about him in a sexual way right now. Not when I’m going to bed next to him after this nightmare of a conversation is over. Unfortunately, my little outburst doesn’t go unnoticed.
That’s it, I’m out.
“This was some nice conversation.” I stand up, preparing to announce I’m retiring for the night, when the pink-haired girl pushes me back into my seat. The cushion absorbs the impact as I clumsily fall on my ass. Clemensia seems slightly bothered by this, but doesn’t intervene. Mentally, I take back what I said earlier about feeling sorry for her.
“You think you’re too good to talk to us? I don’t understand how they even allowed you to come back to the Capitol. District trash with blood on her hands.’’ A girl who had barely opened her mouth the whole night finally decides to voice her opinion.
‘’A low born whore from the poorest corner of Panem.’’ Livia muses. ‘’How bad did you have to throw yourself at him?’’
Another girl is ready to say her piece about how my presence here should be considered a crime when her eyes move to the space behind me. Then she seems to change her mind, pressing her lips in silence and alarm. I feel a hand resting on my shoulder a second later, and I let out a sigh of relief. I don’t linger on the fact that I know him from touch alone.
“I was actually the one throwing myself at her.’’ Coriolanus says in a playful tone, but there’s an underlying threat in his voice. Like he’s daring anyone to question him. No one does. ‘’It took some convincing, of course. Lucy Gray knows her worth.’’ All of them lower their heads in shame at being caught, except Clemensia, who watches in fascination. ‘’And now I must excuse us. It’s been a long night, and I’m afraid I just can’t keep my hands off her any longer.”
I hold on to his arm as we make our way out of the hall, doing my best to walk with dignity while keeping the fastest pace possible. Even in my absence, their bashing would continue. The dreadful realization that I still have one more day with these people hits me when we enter the elevator, and I feel my body deflating in despair.
‘’Don’t listen to them.’’ Coriolanus says, a mask of calmness carefully placed on his face. It doesn’t fool me one bit. He can hold a grudge longer than anyone, and the fact that he is always one inconvenience away from resorting to violence doesn’t bode well. ‘’They are just jealous.’’
‘’The fact that you used to be a manwhore didn’t exactly help my case either.’’ There is an unexpected bitterness in my tone.
‘’Wait. Are you jealous?’’ Coriolanus asks as he uses the magnetic card to unlock the door to our room, then motions for me to pass.
‘’Of course not. Anyone who stole you from me would be doing me a favor.’’
‘’Glad to know you consider me yours.’’
I roll my eyes so far into my head I think they might get stuck. Typical Coriolanus behavior, to make everything about him.
‘’Remember to stay on your side of the bed, ok?’’ I ask after we make our preparations for the night.
‘’Like I could forget you’re sleeping just within my reach.’’
His words from earlier still ring inside my head. ‘’You’ll pay for that later.’’ Coriolanus doesn’t make idle threats, so I’m on edge when he lays down next to me. Yet he makes no move, getting off on the simple fact that he has me squirming. With a silent prayer that my nightmares will go easy on me tonight, I turn to the opposite side and close my eyes. I don’t want him to know how terrified I wake up sometimes, don’t want him to know any more of my weaknesses. Despite that, I find his presence by my side oddly comforting in this foreign room, a familiar feeling of safety taking over. I fall asleep knowing he is watching over me.

It is the cold seeping into my bones, and not my nightmares, that wakes me up in the middle of the night. Shivering, I pull another blanket over my body and wait for sleep to claim me again. I’m drifting off when something makes my heart stop in my chest.
A tall shadow stands in the corner of the room, and a scream is about to tear out of my lips when I recognize the familiar frame of the man silently making his way to the other side of the room. Annoyance replaces the fear that had just seized me.
‘’Where do you think you’re going, Coriolanus?’’ He freezes.
‘’Just the bathroom, love.’’
‘’This is the exit door.’’ It’s dark, but the light coming from the window is enough for me to make out his face and the blond hair framing it. ‘’But you already knew that.’’ I shift on the bed as silence stretches. A thought starts gnawing on me, and I just can’t seem to shove it back down the hole it came from. ‘’Were you going to meet someone?’’ Merely saying it outloud makes me feel exposed and vulnerable.
‘’I’m not having an affair, if that’s what you’re asking.’’
The grip I felt on my chest softens, but I refuse to acknowledge that it was there in the first place. Then I remember there are very few things Coriolanus would sneak out in the middle of the night to do.
‘’Were you going after those girls?’’ He avoids my eyes, knowing lying would be useless. ‘’Were you planning on killing them?’’
‘’Accidents happen all the time.’’ The emptiness in his voice reminds me of why I was so scared of him just a few months ago. I should never have stopped. ‘’Especially with drunk young ladies with only half a neuron on their heads.’’
‘’People can’t just drop dead every time they offend me, Coriolanus. It will look suspicious for the both of us.’’
‘’Suspicion without proof is an empty accusation at best. If we let the people who insult you walk away, they will never respect you.’’ His irritation is evident. I wouldn’t mourn any of those girls, but I don’t want to be surrounded by death again.
‘’You’re not killing anyone today. Come back to bed.’’ I regret the words as soon as they leave my mouth. Coriolanus probably let me sleep peacefully until now because he wanted to leave unnoticed.
‘’Fine. I won’t kill anyone today.’’
He makes his way back to the bed, and I feel the mattress shift as he lays down. Slowly, I move further away from him, trying to make the gesture seem inconspicuous. A second later, all warmth leaves my body.
‘’You’re hogging the covers.’’ I complain, pulling back the blankets he just tugged away from me.
‘’I’m bigger. I need more fabric to cover my body.’’
‘’So you’ll just let me freeze to death over here?’’
‘’Of course not. You can come to my side, then we can share.’’
‘’How convenient.’’
‘’’It’s not my fault you’re too far away for us both to be covered.’’
I push off the stupid pillow he left in the middle of the bed, already knowing it wouldn’t stay there for long. I’m too tired to pretend arguing with him wouldn’t be completely useless, and being closer to Coriolanus would also make it easier for me to know if he tried to sneak off again.
After moving close enough for him to finally let me have the covers, the warmth irradiating from his body is almost too much for me to bear, but I know he’ll leave me alone for tonight. Letting anticipation build is half the fun for Coriolanus, so he’ll wait. A strange sensation fills me at the realization, something almost like… disappointment. I shut my eyes, more forcefully this time. At least we’d be leaving tomorrow afternoon, and I could pretend this entire weekend was nothing but a fever dream.

Chapter Text

Sleep was supposed to be my ally in getting through this weekend. Once again, I am betrayed.
Coriolanus’ not-so-veiled threats had gotten to me, making the contents of my dreams go to a very dangerous place.
But it is just a dream after all, so maybe I should be enjoying the fact that I don’t have to deal with the actual man awakening my desire. I can feel his body behind me, warm and hard. A pleasant sensation spreads through my chest, making me ache in anticipation. The feeling of comfort, added to the throb between my legs makes me burrow deeper into the source of the heat currently enveloping me. It amplifies the feeling, sending a thrilling sensation down my spine. I angle my hips accordingly, making it easier for me to grind against the solid shape behind me, the friction so good I have to hold back a sight.
Except I can make all the noise I want, since this isn’t real. A smile spreads through my lips at the thought.
“What are you smiling at?”
Realization hits me so hard I stop breathing. I’m not sleeping. Not completely, at least. And I am definitely not dreaming. His voice is real, and so is his body, carefully wrapped around mine in a way that makes all the right parts touch each other.
Maybe I can pretend I’m still asleep. Or maybe Coriolanus is still half asleep himself, and he hasn’t noticed me rubbing myself against him at all. If I stop now, I can make this go away. Slowly, I try to move away from him.
“Finish what you started, Lucy Gray.”
The command in his voice is enough to make me melt into him as his hand snakes around my body and pulls me back against his chest. He is very much awake, and has been for a while by the way I can feel him rock hard against my leg.
I fumble my robe open, feeling his hands slide from my face to the origin of the frantic sensation taking over my body. I spread my legs, giving him more access. His other hand palms my breast, playing with my nipple.
It’s been too long, and Coriolanus knows it. The wetness between my thighs and the way I’m clutching his arm leave no question. His fingers find the exact spot I need in no time, and once again I’m completely at his mercy as he draws lazy circles around it, testing my reaction to each movement like he doesn’t have them all catalogued inside his head by now.
Coriolanus is toying with me. Again.
Worst of all, he barely started and I’m already losing it. He can sense it too, because every time I’m nearing the edge, Coriolanus assumes a torturing slow pace, leaving me begging for release. He teases me until I can no longer take it.
“Please.” I don’t have any space left for pride. All I can feel is the pleasure threatening to burst me open.
“Please what?”
“Please let me-“
A loud bang on the door cuts me off. I startle, instinctively trying to move away from him, but Coriolanus pins me into place using his body. He stops moving his fingers, making me want to scream in frustration. His hand moves from my breast to my mouth, muffling the sounds I’m about to make.
“Just ignore it.”
I nod at his request. As he starts stroking me again, the world could be ending outside this room and I still wouldn’t move. Just a few more seconds would do it.
“Coryo!” Someone whines behind the door. “I know you’re in there, and you’re late for breakfast. Everyone’s already there. We’re waiting for you!”
I moan into his hand as he continues, and I can finally feel the bliss starting to take over my body completely. I grow still, and just as the first wave is about to hit, Clementia decides to throw a fit.
“Open the door, or I’ll let myself in! I have the card to every room in this resort. You can’t ignore me on my birthday. I’m your best friend!”
Coriolanus curses, finally letting me go. I grab the sheets on the bed, a mess of ache and frustration. Clementia has no idea what Coriolanus did to his last best friend, so maybe she should hold her tongue for once.
He quickly dresses one of the robes to cover the bulging in his sweatpants and goes to the door. I can feel the annoyance radiating from him as he opens it just enough for Clementia to see his face, and nothing of the room behind him.
“Yes?”
“Aren’t you going to wish me happy birthday?”
“Happy birthday, dear Clementia. I apologize for our tardiness. We seem to have overslept. We’ll be joining you soon, alright?”
His patient tone wouldn’t fool me, but it works on the clueless girl standing in the corridor.
“Fine, I guess” she sounds genuinely disappointed. I have to remind myself that, in her head, their friendship is real, and not just a strategic connection.
“Are you just going to leave me here like this?” I ask as soon as I hear the door closing, the lock making its reassuring clicking sound.
“Of course not.” For a moment, I think he’s coming back to bed. Then he takes a turn and opens the bathroom door. “I’ll let you have the shower first. Make sure it’s extra cold before you go in.” Coriolanus doesn’t even try to hide his satisfaction as he sees the dismay on my face. “Unless you want me to join?”
“Fine. You can come.”
“Ask nicely.”
“Join me in the shower.” He’s getting his revenge from last night tenfold. “Please.” I add. An expectant pause fills the air for a few seconds.
“I’m afraid I can’t. We don’t have half the time I’d need to be done with you. Now make haste. We’re already late.

Breakfast wasn’t as much of an ordeal as I expected. Since we were late, most of the guests had already left for the ski tracks, and I let Coriolanus do the talking to the few who lingered behind.
‘’Well, I’ll wait for you. Have fun.’’ I say as he stands to leave.
‘’What do you mean?’’
‘’I can’t even walk properly over all this snow. You didn’t expect me to really know how to ski, did you?’’
‘’Of course not. That’s why I’m going to teach you.’’
There were about a million things I’d rather do than learn how to slide down a snowy mountain with two platforms attached to my feet, but I was too tired to continue arguing with him, and way too cold. Besides, this morning had already ruined the day for me anyway.

After collecting our equipment and walking what felt like one hundred miles on slippery and crunchy soil, I’m punished Coriolanus attempts at showing me the basic motions of skiing.
I try to mimic him, but my heart isn’t in it, and it shows.
‘’Let’s try one track, then see how you fare.’’
‘’I’m not ready for that!’’
‘’Practice is the best teacher.’’
The ski boots hurt my feet, and I’m annoyed at having to hold the ski poles awkwardly at my sides. The beginners track is a fairly flat downslope, so it should be easy even for me. But even if I can manage this one descent, Coriolanus will just want me to try another, starting another cycle of torture in this seemingly endless weekend.
“Fine. Just give me a second,” slowly, I inhale and position myself on the edge of the trail, assuming the position he taught me earlier.
‘’It’s easier than it looks. You’ll have fun once you do it.’’ He tries to sound encouraging as he stands besides me.
“Will you do it with me?” I try to control the nervousness in my voice. He nods. “Let’s do it on three. One, two,” I bent my knees, preparing myself. To my side, Coriolanus is ready to go. “Three.” I make a forward motion and feel him whooshing past me as I pull back just in time to avoid going downhill. I watch Coriolanus speeding down the track as he gains momentum with the descent. He looks back to see me standing on the top of the mountain, shaking my head and holding back a laugh.
Too late.
I can’t believe he fell for that.
“Idiot.” I mutter, turning around and sliding away from the edge of the trail in order to remove the stupid equipment from my feet.
The descent wasn’t very steep, but it was a long way down. It would take Coriolanus at least another 30 minutes to get back up here even using the ski lifts, so I can take my time making my way back to the resort and away from the cold.
I sit on the bar and order some tea to warm me up inside, alone at last. The waitress places the china carefully on the table and gives me a smile.
“Are you enjoying your stay?”
“It’s a lovely establishment.” I take a sip from the steaming cup. “Must be hard running the staff with the resort at full capacity.”
“What do you mean, dear?”
“Aren’t all the rooms occupied?” I frown as I put the cup back in the saucer.
“Not at all. We usually don’t get fully booked until the winter holidays. I told Mr. Snow that if the accommodations weren’t to your liking, we could move you to one of the rooms on the second floor. They’re usually warmer.” The look that crosses my face must give away my anger. ‘’Was the room too cold for you?’’ She asks, seemingly concerned with my distress.
‘’Not at all!’’ My voice comes out a little too desperate. ‘’The heat worked just fine, thank you.’’
I finished my tea in silence, convinced that a thirty-minutes break from Coriolanus was nowhere near enough to quell my anger anymore.

…

My excitement is barely containable as I close my bag, ready to board the vehicle that would take us back to the manor.
“Do you have to look so happy to be leaving?” Coriolanus asks as he takes my bag. “It wasn’t that bad.”
“I have one happy memory, Coriolanus, and it involves getting rid of you using a ski track. ”
His displeased face tells me he didn't take it as lightly as he pretended to, but Coriolanus is still laying low after finding out I knew about his little scheme to adjust the room temperature.
I don’t even mind the long and fake goodbyes as we leave. Inside the hoverboard, I savor the silence the whole way back to the city.
I never thought I would be happy to be back to the manor, but routine is a weird thing. If you repeat something absurd enough times, it just starts looking normal.
That’s how I found myself taking an afternoon tea with the female side of the Snow family. It felt familiar, so I was able to enjoy Tigris’ presence and almost tolerate her grandmother.
Coriolanus hasn’t been around much, which doesn’t surprise me anymore. Knowing I can’t let whatever possessed me in the ski resort take over me again, his absence is a blessing.
Distance is key, and I’m in control as long as I hold it in my hands.
“You’re home early!” Tigris' melodic voice fills the tea room as her cousin strides in just in time to ruin my afternoon.
He kisses her cheek once, then takes a look at me. His face hasn’ t looked this serious in a very long time.
“We need to talk.”
The sentence itself is already a loaded gun. Coming from Coriolanus, it’s more like a nuclear weapon. My heart races as I follow him upstairs and into my room. The way he starts pacing after closing the door confirms I’m not going to like what’s about to come. I raise one eyebrow, motioning for him to start talking.
“Don’t be mad.” His voice sounds almost… guilty, which makes me even more alarmed.
“What did you do?”
“Do you remember my internship with Dr. Gaul?”
“Of course I do.”
“And you remember her participation in the Games, don’t you?”
“She tried to kill me with her mutts. That’s pretty hard to forget.”
“Yes. Dr. Gaul always had a special interest in you. Which is why she invited us to dinner. At her house.”
“And you told her we are not going?” The question sounds weak even as it leaves my lips. The answer is obvious.
“You know I couldn’t say no. If there was any other way –”
“I can’t even look at you right now.” I take a step back as he tries to get closer. “Making me have dinner with the woman who designed the place that was supposed to kill me, should have killed me… This is a new low, ever for you.”
I’m so used to the neutral expressions he makes at my accusations that the emotion crossing his face in this moment comes as a shock. Coriolanus is actually sorry for the situation, and he can barely hide how much it bothers him to have to do this.
“She won’t leave us alone, Lucy Gray. She won’t leave YOU alone. The sooner we get this done with, the better. Right now, Dr. Gaul still sees you as something foreign and exotic. She’ll lose interest once she sees you’re settled here in the Capitol.’’
‘’You mean once she starts seeing me as a human being.’’ He doesn’t answer. ‘’When?’’
‘’This saturday.’’
‘’We’ve barely been back from the mountains. Do you expect me to do this every weekend?’’ Coriolanus remains oddly silent, and cold resignation takes over my body. ‘’I’ll be ready then. You can leave now.’’
‘’For what’s worth, I really am sorry.’’
Unfortunately, it is worth nothing to me.

...

‘’Are you sure you’re ok?’’ Tigris asks for the third time while finishing my hair for Dr. Gaul's dinner. Time flies when you’re dreading something.
‘’As fine as I can be when I’m about to have dinner with the devil.’’ I reassure her.
I’m pleasantly surprised by the result as I check myself in the mirror. My hair, makeup and clothes were all done according to the Capitol’s fashion, and yet I still look like… me. Tigris chose a light pink dress that was elegant but still had some color in it. My neck was adorned with a heart-shaped pendant, and the makeup enhanced my natural traits instead of hiding them.
‘’It’s beautiful. Thank you.’’
She gives me a proud smile, and I return it, filled with gratitude for this unexpected friendship. Coriolanus comes into the room, and the moment’s gone.
‘’Are you ready?’’ He asks as his eyes assess me and his cousin’s job.
‘’All done’’ Tigris confirms.
He thanks her again before we leave. As the driver takes us across the city, I look at the Capitol streets in wonder, remembering how we were allowed no windows during the tribute’s transportation for the 10th Hunger Games. Electricity and tall stone buildings dominate the landscape instead of the old candles and wooden shacks I was used to back home. Even still rebuilding from the War, the Capitol looks better than the Districts ever did. The car slows down, stopping at the line of cars waiting to take a left turn.
And then I see it.
The walls are still half-demolished from the rebel attack, and although I cannot see the inside, I would know it with my eyes closed. Especially with my eyes closed. When I’m asleep, it’s the place I visit the most. Coriolanus notices I’m shaking, and takes a look out the window. He places his hand on top of mine, but I pull it away.
‘’The government is going to demolish the entire site completely by the end of the year. They’ll build something else in its place, so you won’t have to look at the Arena ever again.’’
I want to laugh at how ridiculous he sounds. I’d be looking at the Arena until the day I died, since the images were permanently etched into my brain. Of course Coriolanus would think destroying it would make everything go away. It was the worst experience of my life, but for him, it was just another school project.
I try to breathe in and steady my hands, to no avail. Fear is closing its grip on me, and I can feel the car getting smaller by the second, until the front seat starts getting closer, ready to crush me. Something’s pressing on my chest, making my racing heart unable to work. I can’t breathe, and just like air, the ability to think straight evades me. I’m trapped. I need to move, or I’ll die.
Run.
I reach for the door handle, throwing myself out of the car and into the oncoming traffic.

Chapter Text

Cars honk as I run across the avenue, thankful for the soft slippers Tigris chose for me instead of high heels. The noise is too loud and the light is blinding, disorienting me completely. Night air brushes against my skin, making my body shake even harder. By the time I reach the sidewalk, I’m barely able to see or breathe.
But I have to keep running. Stopping means death in the Arena.
‘’Lucy Gray!’’
Coriolanus’ eyes are fixed solely on me as he crosses the avenue. It's a miracle he hasn’t been hit by a car yet. Given how angry he looks, I think the drivers might be afraid of him too.
I bolt again, not waiting for him to reach the sidewalk. I don’t look back, but I know he’s after me. He’ll be catching up anytime now.
Although I know there’s no point in running anymore, I can’t stop.
I feel the Capitol’s claws closing around my throat, ready to end me at any cost. If I cease to move, I’ll cease to exist.
Then it’s Coriolanus’ hand I’m feeling closing around my arm, and I cry out when he holds it in place, forcing me to a halt.
‘’Let go!’’ I yell as a sharp jolt of pain shoots through me. He’s squeezing right where the implant is. He softens his grip, but doesn’t release me.
‘’Are you insane? You could have died!’’
I wince. Coriolanus has never yelled at me before. He never had to.
‘’Then your dear city would’ve gotten just what they wanted, wouldn’t they?’’
‘’You’re not well. Get back to the car.’’
‘’So you can take me to the woman who tried to drown me with snakes? I’ll pass.’’
‘’You think I want to take you there? You have no idea how hard I tried to avoid this.’’
I look around at the buildings, the lights, the traffic. Adrenaline is starting to leave my body, and I can feel myself deflating. I am exhausted.
‘’I can’t do this.’’ I whisper, feeling small in such an open space. He lets go of my arm, but I have no fight left. ‘’I want to go home.’’
‘’We can get back to the manor now if you want to. I’ll tell Dr. Gaul you’re sick, and we’ll reschedule. But you have to understand, Lucy Gray, that this is not a social call. She wants your measure. You’re the only person to ever survive her. She won’t just let this go. If we cancel now, she’ll think you’re weak, and Dr. Gaul believes in nothing but natural selection, even if she has to speed it up a little.’’
‘’You said you would protect me.’’
‘’And I will. That’s why I need you to come.’’
The feeling of defeat spreads through my body, reminding me again of how powerless I truly am in my current situation. Resignation
Apathetic resignation fills me as I silently make my way back to the car, Coriolanus trailing behind me. He opens the door and I climb in. He fixes my hair the best he can after Tigris’ work was ripped apart by the wind. Luckily, my makeup remains in place due to its waterproof formulation. I adjust my dress and shoes back into place.
I look almost normal as we exit the car, and Coriolanus looks like a less unhinged version of himself. Dr. Gaul opens the door before I can even take a deep breath. We didn’t ring the doorbell, so she has probably been waiting by the door for a while.
‘’You’re late.’’
‘’My apologies, Dr. Gaul. You know how crazy traffic can be on the weekends.’’
‘’And you know that too. Meaning someone else must be responsible for the delay.’’
She takes me in, head to toe.
‘’I just couldn’t get my makeup right.’’ I smile innocently, lacing my hands behind my back so she won’t notice they’re shaking.
‘’Couldn’t get the hair right either. Are you sick? You look flushed.’’
‘’Lucy Gray had her health checked very recently. I’m sure nothing’s wrong with her.’’ Coriolanus intervenes. ‘’I take full responsibility for our delay, Dr. Gaul. Let’s not allow it to ruin our night.’’
Like cattle ready for slaughter, I follow her into the house. The place is surprisingly normal, with none of the tubes and bodies I expect to find hanging from the walls.
‘’Have a seat.’’ Dr. Gaul gestures for the chairs while she takes her seat at the head of the table.
My blood freezes when I take in the table arrangement. Two small paper plaques stand in front of each plate. One has Coriolanus’s name and the other mine, indicating where we should sit. Dr. Gaul wants me to sit at the other end of the table, directly opposite to her and providing the perfect opportunity to observe me all night. She is already watching me, analysing my every move. The stunt doesn’t go unnoticed by Coriolanus either.
‘’It's fine.’’ I say, intercepting his hand as he makes a move to switch our names and take my place. She raises one brow at the interaction, then one of her servants brings in the first course, dispersing her attention.
I wish Grandma'am could see me now. I let Coriolanus do all the talking, focusing entirely on which fork, spoon or knife should be used for each dish, how many sips of water should I take, and how to maintain a pleasant but discrete smile.
The weight of her scrutiny threatens to crush me as dinner goes on. Time can’t seem to pass by fast enough, so I’m relieved to see desert being brought in. The end must be near.
I drink the last sip from my cup, tasting the strange mix of fruits Dr. Gaul has chosen for the drink. Her bad taste expands beyond her character, it seems. As the empty dishes are taken away, giving place to the final course, I’m start to think it might be possible for me to leave this monster’s house without harm.
Then Dr. Gaul smiles, and I know something is wrong. Coriolanus senses it too, by the way he stiffens in his seat.
‘’Did you enjoy your drink, Lucy Gray?’’ she asks with barely contained excitement.
Unsure about how to proceed, I remain silent. I don’t believe Dr. Gaul would poison me so openly, but I wouldn’t bet my life on it either.
‘’What did you do?’’ Coriolanus asks, dropping all pretense.
‘’No need to fret, Mr. Snow. I did it as a gift to you, after all.’’
There was no way she’d do anything as a gift to someone else. Not unless served one of her own purposes.
‘’Do you remember the little weasels I was creating last month?’’ I have no idea what she is talking about, but Coriolanus nods. ‘’They can’t see, so they rely on smell for everything. Such sensitive animals… I isolated their olfactory cells and enhanced the gene responsible for pheromone detection and hormonal feedback.’’
My nonexistent scientific knowledge doesn’t stop me from understanding there is no way I’m leaving this dinner unscathed.
‘’And then?’’
‘’Then I isolated the weasels you had taken care of, and removed their olfactory cells with your smell already registered. I used it to prepare a serum that can temporarily induce a hormonal response, but to your presence only. Then I added a gonadotropin hormone amplifier to enhance sex drive and had it mixed with your little pet’s drink before you came in.’’
I hate how lost I feel at her words. Science was never a part of my education, so I had to rely on Coriolanus’ response to this. The cold fury etched into his face tells me it’s worse than I thought.
‘’We’re leaving.’’ He announces, standing up and offering me his hand. I take it, partially relieved that dinner is finally over.
‘’Yes, yes. Do enjoy it while you can. No need to thank me.’’
He doesn't bother looking back at Dr. Gaul, guiding me outside the house and into the car so fast I almost have to run to keep up with his steps.
‘’Coriolanus.’’ He doesn’t hear me. ‘’Coriolanus, you’re crushing my hand.’’ He lets go immediately, so deep into his head that I don’t think he even noticed he was still holding it. ‘’What was Dr. Gaul talking about?’’ I ask.
‘’Later. We’ll have this conversation in private.’’
My body starts to tingle, unsettling me. I shift uncomfortably in my seat, hot and anxious. ‘’Did she poison me?’’ He shakes his head. ‘’I don’t feel good.’’
If my racing heart is from fear or whatever she put into my drink, I can’t be sure. A pulsing sensation starts spreading in my lower abdomen.
‘’We’re almost there.’’ Is all he says.
The feeling of the car seat against my body is becoming unbearable.
Coriolanus opens the door for me as soon as the car parks into the manor’s garage, and I jump out immediately. The night air feels impossibly cold against my skin, and I scramble my way into the house as a chill goes down my spine.
‘’What is it?’’ Agitation takes over me as I close the bedroom door.
‘’She made a serum using olfactory cell receptors-’’
‘’I don’t know what that means!’’ I start pacing. Why is it so hot in here?
‘’She made a substance that makes you able to detect my scent even by the faintest trace, Each time you do, you’ll body will release a hormonal response to it.’’
I take three steps back to increase the distance between us as the information sinks in. That was Dr. Gaul’s new experiment, then.
‘’But… why?’’ My horrified question hangs in the air for just a second before the answer becomes clear. ‘’Of course.’’
To humiliate me. She wanted me to act like an animal in heat every time Coriolanus was around, to remind me that’s still how the world sees me no matter where I go.
And it is working. The attraction I feel to him is amplified to a level that has my brain fighting for control over my body. Just standing near him is sending me into overdrive.
‘’It won’t work if I just stay away from you. Dr. Gaul said it’s temporary, so it can’t be too hard, right?’’ I ask hopefully, trying to ignore the way my body is already begging for me to get closer.
‘’She added something else to the mix. A desire and sensitivity enhancer. It may be working already, that’s why you feel so hot. You can stay away from me, but the symptoms are not going away.’’
‘’How long?’’
‘’I don’t know. And I don’t think she knows it either. I’ll try to find some way to counteract it on Monday, as soon as I get to the laboratory.’’
‘’And in the meantime?’’ I run my hands through my arms, trying to calm my skin, but goosebumps start raising at the touch.
‘’You’ll just have to hang on.’’
‘’I can’t continue like this!’’
‘’There is nothing I can do, Lucy Gray.’’
There is something he can do just fine, but I won’t say it. He already knows.
‘’This is a disaster. You said she would lose interest on me!’’
‘’I shouldn’t have tried to predict Dr. Gaul. I was wrong.’’
This is the first time Coriolanus admits being wrong about something, and I can’t believe the moment is being ruined by how much I want to jump him. He can sense I’m about to do something stupid, because he slowly takes a step back towards the door.
‘’Try taking a cold shower for now. I’ll look into it first thing on Monday. I promise’’
Then he just leaves, and I’m alone to deal with everything he put me through today.