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Steve was up to something.
James had spent enough time with him to understand his rhythms and idiosyncrasies, notably when they signaled that he had a plan or at least a semblance of one. It started with his liquid-blue eyes, flitting around the apartment, even in quiet moments, as if mapping his surroundings and putting things in and around the space. When their eyes would eventually lock, with James looking at him wearily, Steve’s eyes would brim with excitement and anticipation at whatever he refused to say out loud.
Then, there were his little gestures of affection, a byproduct of Steve admitting his feelings in Munich. Those were newer to James, but they had a pattern he could catalog. Steve kept them brief – a playful nudge of James’s shoulder, his lips grazing James’s temple – so that James wouldn’t feel uncomfortable or obligated to return them. However, they started to linger a couple of beats longer than usual. James still elbowed Steve lightly in the ribs and grunted in unserious irritation, but he didn’t recoil from the touches. Surprisingly, he found himself silently relishing in their comfort.
James still knew that something was up, and it was only a matter of time before Steve revealed it.
The time came about 48 hours after James first caught wind of Steve’s plans. When he had emerged from his bedroom, James was greeted by Steve at the stove in the kitchen, loading ham, cheese, and toast on a plate. The kitchen table had a steaming hot cup of black coffee at James’s side. Steve turned away from the stove with the plate in hand and a wide grin, his blue irises sparkling.
“So you’re finally up!” Steve said, his voice as bright as his eyes.
“Absolutely not,” James said, turning on his heel and walking straight into the bathroom.
“Buck!”
James’s supersoldier hearing caught Steve’s laugh while he turned on the hot water and stepped into the shower. As much as he had gotten used to, and ultimately came to appreciate, Steve’s company, there was no way he could deal with that much energy without at least a 20-minute reprieve. However, he also knew that he only had about ten minutes before Steve would come into the bathroom after him.
He left the bathroom door unlocked on purpose.
Like clockwork, James heard the bathroom door open, clothes fall to the floor, and the shower glass slide open. He kept his head underneath the water spray, even as a pair of hands settled against his stomach, trailing across his abs.
“If you want to avoid me, you should lock the door,” Steve said into James’s ear before kissing behind it.
“It’s not my fault you’re a lot to deal with in the morning,” James grumbled through the water in his face.
“Don’t start with me, Buck,” Steve said, poking at James’s stomach. “I have a big day planned for you. Don’t mess it up by being a jerk.”
“So you finally admit it,” James said. “Been running around here like a rabid dog. You couldn’t have been more obvious.”
Steve’s hand slid down to James’s hip and squeezed, sending a fresh rush of blood down to James’s crotch. “Well, since you’re so much smarter than me–”
“A given,” James interrupted.
“Why don’t you finish up here and follow my obvious hints to the kitchen so you can get some food in your belly?”
With his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, James turned to see Steve, wet and smirking behind him. He looked down and saw that Steve was sporting a mighty erection that rivaled his own. He reached for it with his flesh hand, but Steve smacked his hand away. James looked back up at Steve’s face and reached for his dick with the metal hand, only for Steve to smack that one, too.
“What are you doing?” James asked.
“Finish up your shower and come into the kitchen,” Steve said. “I’ll be waiting.”
James’s eyes shot down to Steve’s dick and then back up at him. “You’re not gonna take care of that?”
“It can wait,” Steve said. “I don’t want your breakfast to get cold.”
“Fuck breakfast,” James said, stepping into Steve’s space and crowding him against the wall, his dick rubbing against Steve’s. “There’s something else this morning I want instead.”
“Yeah?” Steve’s hands rested on James’s waist for a second before sliding down to his ass, squeezing the firm cheeks. “You want me?”
“Always,” James growled before shoving himself forward and kissing Steve hard.
Steve let himself be pushed against the wall as James plundered his mouth. James braced his metal forearm on the tiles next to Steve’s head while his flesh hand slipped to the small of his back, pulling their lower bodies together. Steve broke away to let out a sharp gasp that melted into a low, throaty moan. The sound set James on fire, making him rut his dick into Steve’s, feeling them throb against each other. Steve squeezed James’s ass harder and rocked back into him, panting against James’s lips with each mutual thrust.
“You feel so good, Buck,” Steve moaned, kissing his way down to suck on James’s neck and slipping his fingers into the split of James’s ass, tightening his grip.
“You too,” James mumbled, closing his eyes at the feel of their dicks throbbing against each other. “Fucking incredible.”
“And you’re gonna feel even better…” Steve smacked James’s ass, startling him. “...after you eat.”
“Wait, what?”
James suddenly found himself shoved back under the shower spray. He wiped the water from his eyes and opened them to see Steve panting but with a fresh smirk, his eyes twinkling with mirth. James looked down and saw that Steve was still rock hard, with a spot of precum bubbling at the top of his slit. He didn’t understand why they weren’t currently doing anything about it.
“What the fuck, Steve?” James shouted.
“See you out there, Buck,” Steve drawled, glancing down at James’s erection and huffing in amusement. “Don’t wait too long. I know you’re hungry.”
James clenched his jaw as Steve opened the shower door and stepped out. He looked through the glass to see Steve and his round ass walk out of the bathroom, nude and dripping wet, a towel over his arm. James stood there dumbfounded, outraged, and deliriously aroused, trying to figure out what had just happened, why neither he nor Steve were on their knees in front of the other, and what the hell Steve had planned that was somehow better than morning shower sex. With a growl, James knocked his metal fist into the wall in front of him and turned the cold water on to cool him off.
It didn’t take James long to dry off and get dressed, and when he returned to the kitchen, he saw that Steve wasn’t dressed, not like he was. He was sitting at the table with only a pair of flannel lounge pants on, drinking from his cup of coffee. His eyes caught James as he sipped, and James saw the amusement in them as he peered at James’s confused, heated stare.
“I heated it up for you,” Steve said casually, tapping at the table towards James’s plate as if he hadn’t flexed his pec as he took another sip. “Should be nice and… hot .”
“What the fuck?” James said, feeling dumber than he ever had before.
“Sit,” Steve said.
James didn’t bother stewing in his bafflement or renewed arousal, simply doing as Steve asked and sitting at the table. Their shared breakfast was quiet, and the tension was suffocating. James was vaguely aware of how good the food was: Steve charred the slices of ham at the edges just as he liked, and the melted cheese and toast settled warmly in his stomach. He was focused, however, on the display across from him. Steve was leaning back in the chair, his chest stretched out, his pecs and abs tensing with every bite. Steve knew exactly what he was doing. He glowed with confidence, tilting his head in faux confusion when he noticed James staring too long at his chest and chuckling as he rubbed his stomach after what looked like a particularly satisfying bite. He even had the gall to rub his nipple, making it harden into a tight, pink point. Steve did acknowledge that he might’ve flown too close to the sun, looking sheepish at James’s rigid stare. He wasn’t sorry, though; he was clearly enjoying James’s torment too much.
It made James want to wipe that enjoyment off Steve’s face, preferably with his dick.
After Steve cleaned off the table, he tossed James’s black backpack at him. James eyed it and then Steve suspiciously, which only made Steve’s face break out in another wide grin.
“Need you to leave for a while,” Steve said. “Just a few hours. Maybe four.”
James’s eyes narrowed. “Why? What’s happening in maybe four hours?”
“You’ll see when you get back,” Steve replied, crossing his arms over his chest.
“A lot can happen in four hours, Steve,” James said, walking up to Steve and putting his metal hand on his hip, squeezing. “I think we can make better use of that time, huh?”
“Oh, definitely,” Steve said as he dislodged James’s hand from his waist. “But I’d rather do what I had planned, you know?”
James scowled. “Really? You’re turning me down?”
Steve shrugged his eyebrows. “For now. Get out of here; I’ve got prep to do. And do me a favor and try not to fight or fuck anyone while you’re gone.”
“I should do that just to spite you,” James grumbled, lightly shoving Steve to the left and walking out the door.
Luckily for Steve, James wasn’t interested in either. He had no desire to sleep with anyone not named Steve Rogers, and if anyone was interested in sleeping with him, he glowered hard enough to quickly turn them off. While he easily avoided sex, there were plenty of people on the streets of Vienna who pissed him off and seemed to be itching for a confrontation. One especially irritating group of young men was roughhousing around the Fuente de Donner, directly in his line of sight. James would’ve been fine with ignoring them, but then they inadvertently knocked over a smaller young man, making his glasses fall to the ground. He picked up his glasses before the group could step on them and yelled at them in German. The tallest of the group didn’t take kindly to that, striding over to the small guy, grabbing him by the shoulders, and throttling him.
James couldn’t help mapping the skinnier, younger Steve onto that kid. He allowed his mind to briefly shift to a memory of Steve in an alleyway, trying to dodge punches from two larger men and getting punched to the floor. With that image in his mind, James stood from the bench and walked over to the group. He snatched the tallest man by his neck and tossed him into the fountain, hard enough for water to splash onto the ground. While the man’s friends ran over to fish him out, the skinny kid frantically nodded at James and said “Danke” softly. James grunted in response, gesturing for the skinny guy to run away. James technically failed at Steve’s request, but seeing the bully drag himself out of the fountain, sopping wet and coughing, was more than worth it.
James returned to the apartment an hour early after deciding he had enough excitement for the day. He was fully prepared to tell Steve to fuck off with his plans so that he could either sleep or get back to work. He figured that whatever Steve wanted to do could wait.
That was before he opened the door.
James found Steve sitting on the living room couch, wearing a different pair of lounge pants but still shirtless. This time, Steve looked like he had just gotten out of the shower, his taut, firm skin carrying a dewy, radiant glow. It was quickly clear to James that he was well and truly fucked.
“Hey, Buck,” Steve said as he approached James from the couch. “You’re right on time.”
“What the fuck?” James barely got the words out before Steve grabbed his face and kissed him. He simply stood there as Steve’s lips and tongue worked against and into his mouth, almost sucking the air out of his lungs. When Steve pulled back, James had to lock his knees to keep upright. “What have you…”
“Waiting for you,” Steve answered. “Kinda figured you’d get bored and come back early.”
“You’ve been like this…”
“Not all morning,” Steve answered again before James could finish asking. “I told you I had to set up. Then I got bored and decided to shower and…” He had the nerve to blush. “...took care of myself…and now, here you are.”
“Took care…” James felt a cluster of his brain cells short circuit.
“I wanted to wait for you,” Steve said, looking down pointedly at James’s crotch. “But you know me. I’m impatient.”
“Tell me,” James demanded darkly. “Tell me what you took care of.”
“I could tell you…” Steve grabbed the bottom of James’s T-shirt and pulled it off him. “...Or I could do what I had planned for you instead.”
“You’re Captain America,” James said, bringing his hands to Steve’s waist and stroking the divots of his hips. “You can multitask.”
“I can,” Steve said, smirking. “But I’m choosing to do it my way.”
“And what exactly is ‘your way’?” James asked, letting his metal thumb slip an inch under Steve’s waistband to rub at the tender skin there.
“Follow me and find out,” Steve said, smacking James’s hands away again and turning towards the hallway.
With a frown, James followed Steve to his bedroom. Steve opened the door and stepped aside, revealing a room bathed in a bright, auburn-tinted glow from the candles spread throughout. The room smelled of freshly chopped wood, which was strange since James couldn’t recall having smelled that before. The bed was stripped of its comforter and replaced with what looked like richer, high-thread-count sheets. On the bedside table were a collection of bottles of either cream or lotion. James felt an itch of familiarity at the back of his neck as he surveyed the room. It made him think of Tatiana in the Red Room, and him and Steve at the safe house. It’s not that he didn’t trust Steve, but James couldn’t help the chill of apprehension that traveled down his spine.
“You good, Buck?” Steve asked as he stood beside him, his hand finding exactly where that chill stopped on his spine and rubbing over it.
“Steve…”
“Before you start,” Steve said, gently pressing into James’s back, pushing him further into the room. “Yes, I’ve been planning this for a few weeks and hiding it from you. No, I’m not sorry. And yes, you deserve this. Pretty sure that covers everything.”
“How long have you been rehearsing that?” James asked, catching Steve’s warm smile.
“Just a week,” Steve replied.
“Something tells me you had some help,” James said.
“Natasha,” Steve said, shifting behind James and resting his hands on his hips. “Just a bit, though.”
“For some reason, I don’t believe you.”
“Come on, Buck. I couldn’t have done it all by myself. I already had to sneak around you at the crack of dawn before you woke up to get the supplies and stuff.”
“I’m always awake,” James grumbled, looking down at Steve’s fingers unbuttoning his jeans and pulling down his zipper.
“There are two hours when you aren’t,” Steve said as he pushed James’s jeans to the floor.
“So you’ve been surveilling me?” James asked as he kicked his pants off.
“And now you know what it feels like,” Steve said, standing back up and placing his hands back on James’s waist.
“I thought payback was beneath you, Captain,” James said, trying to face Steve but stopped by Steve’s tightening hold.
“I’m not,” Steve said, squeezing James’s hips. “And this isn’t payback. It’s me doing something for you for a change.”
“Wait, what are you talking about?” James asked, confused. “What do you think you’ve been doing all this time? You've been taking down HYDRA for shits and giggles?”
“This isn’t about HYDRA,” Steve said, leaning against James’s back and kissing his right shoulder. “It’s about you. Only you.”
“You’re acting like I can’t separate ‘em,” James said, trying to fight the urge to be offended.
“I know you can’t,” Steve said. “But that’s okay. I get it. That’s why I’m here: to remind you that you can be separate from them. That you are.”
“Damn it, Steve…” James felt that warm, melted-butter feeling spread inside him.
“Go lay down, Bucky,” Steve murmured. “Make yourself comfortable.”
James exaggeratedly sighed and started for the bed, but Steve grabbed his shoulder to stop him. He stepped in front of James and kissed him again, his hand curling around the back of James’s neck. James was surprised by how easily he melted into Steve’s kiss, how Steve’s hands ground him in the moment and kept him from floating somewhere. He didn’t realize Steve had moved them to the bed until the back of his calves hit its edge. Steve broke away and moaned heavily, his breath fanning out over James’s lips. Before James could react, Steve grabbed his shoulders again and pushed him onto the bed. Still slightly dazed, James shifted to the middle, sinking into the billowing warmth of the sheets and fighting to keep his eyes open.
“You look comfortable,” Steve said as he sat next to James and grabbed the tall bluish-green bottle on the bedside table.
“What’s that?” James asked, his eyes focusing on Steve squirting a heavy dollop of the gel into his palm and rubbing his hands together, warming it up.
“It’s for you.”
Steve pressed his hand into James’s right pec, and James was struck by a sudden blast of heat on his skin. He shut his eyes and gasped sharply, nearly ready to jump back and away from Steve’s touch. As quickly as it hit, the heat eased into a warm, gentle buzz. The feeling was intense even for his relatively dull nerves, a few steps below overwhelming. James opened his eyes and looked down at Steve’s hand on his chest, watching and feeling his fingers lightly stroke the sharp muscle.
“What is this?” James asked, his voice sounding frayed to his ears. He felt another, slower rush of warmth on his skin when Steve gently pressed down. “Steve…”
“It helps with the nerve pain,” Steve said as he circled and pressed his palm into James’s pec, igniting another burst of pleasure.
“What nerve pain?”
“The nerve pain you think I don’t notice,” Steve said. “But I do, every single time. I just don’t say anything.”
It was true. James was always in pain throughout his body at any given point in time. Decades of missions under HYDRA’s control had shredded his nervous system, and their team of scientists hadn’t been especially precious about medical treatment. He was given enough medicine to keep him functional; anything else was extraneous. James had gotten used to the deep aches and stabbing throbs and figured he had done a decent job hiding his persistent discomfort from Steve. It turns out that he was wrong.
“Why didn’t you?” James asked, softly moaning as Steve’s hand massaged its way to his sternum.
“Have you met you?” Steve asked back, tilting his head with an incredulous look.
“I don’t need to be coddled, Steve,” James said.
“Care isn’t coddling,” Steve said, adding quickly, “At least not now, it isn’t. So stop being a jerk and let me take care of you, alright?”
“And…” James gasped as the valley of his chest pulsed with that gel’s heat. “What does that…fuck…entail?”
“Well…” Steve paused and sighed. “Don’t get pissed, but the cream is a medical compound that Bruce–”
“The big green guy?”
“The big green guy, yeah,” Steve said. “He whipped it up based on the bloodwork he took from us after…um…what happened in Kaliningrad.”
James felt a small bubble of anger expand in his chest, but the sensation of the cream crested over him at just the right time. “Damn it, Steve…”
“I tested it out on myself first,” Steve insisted. “A few times. It felt incredible. Sharp but soothing, right?”
“Right…”
“Bruce said he lowered the dose on your bottle because…he knows how sensitive you are because of what HYDRA did to you,” Steve explained. “Seems like our experiments paid off?”
Steve worked more of the cream into the left side of James’s chest. His touch was softer, factoring in the increased sensitivity caused by the metal arm and its mangled collection of nerves. Indeed, James’s reaction to the cream was stronger on his left side, with sharper sparks against his skin that spurred deeper breaths and tighter noises. Steve’s hand made wide circles over James’s pec, bringing it closer to the scarred flesh. James was apprehensive on instinct, but he was surprised by the feeling of relief when Steve’s palm grazed his scars. It felt like the cream was seeping into the skin and rewiring it at a cellular level. James closed his eyes and gave in with a deep, shivering inhale, his head falling back and his chest rising into Steve’s palm.
“You’re doing good, Buck,” Steve said, his fingers rubbing what felt like a fresh coat of cream directly over the scars cutting across his chest. “Just relax. Let it feel good.”
“Steve…” James moaned, shuddering from both the cream and how vulnerable it made him feel. He didn’t trust himself to open his eyes and see what was in Steve’s, but he did it anyway. He found a look of firm concentration, with Steve focused on his fingers stroking the scars. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“I want to do it right,” Steve said with a slight smile.
James grabbed Steve’s hand on his chest with his metal one, holding it still. “Do what right?”
“Um…” Steve blinked. “Touching you…the way you touched me.”
“I touch you a lot,” James said, the tension in his body easing at the sight of Steve’s timidity. “I think you should be more specific.”
“Like you did at the safe house,” Steve said, rolling his eyes but retaining the beginnings of a blush.
“Any particular reason?”
“Because it felt good when you touched me,” Steve answered, rubbing more cream onto James’s chest. “And I want you to feel good, too.”
“Circumstances were different,” James said. “You were spiraling.”
“True,” Steve said. “But that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to feel what I felt. Consider it a special occasion.”
“And let me guess,” James sighed, dropping his metal hand off Steve’s. “The Widow helped you out with this, too.”
“She taught me some techniques, yes,” Steve said as he stroked his hand firmly back to the center of James’s chest and shifted it down to his stomach. “She said it would help.”
“She’s a trained assassin who probably wouldn’t mind if I were dead,” James said, his abs quivering under Steve’s touch.
“Natasha knows what you mean to me,” Steve said. “She respects that. She wouldn’t hurt you, and she definitely wouldn’t make me do something to hurt you.”
“How sweet.”
“Stop being a jerk and relax.”
Doing that was easier than James thought, especially when Steve’s other hand touched James’s chest. While the hand on James’s stomach was working the cream into his muscles, the hand on his chest was softer, fingers stroking smoothly over his skin. It felt sensual, but James thought he was reading too much into it, with Steve still looking focused on “touching him right.” But then James felt Steve’s thumb rub over his nipple, not once but three times. He moaned low and looked down at Steve again, who seemed completely oblivious to how he was turning him on. Whether he knew it or not, Steve didn’t stop kneading his abs or rubbing his nipple, even as James’s breathing got heavier and his dick started filling out in his underwear. Within minutes, he was fully hard.
“Steve…” James moaned, feeling a heavy pulse at the tip of his dick when Steve lightly tugged on his nipple.
“Sorry,” Steve said, although he didn’t look like he was. “Couldn’t help myself.”
“The fuck you couldn’t,” James gasped, arching against Steve’s fingers when they pressed into his pec. “Shit…”
“Seems like you’re enjoying yourself,” Steve said.
“What gave it away?” James lifted his hips, making a show of his erection, cruelly trapped in his boxer briefs.
“Smart aleck,” Steve chuckled, slapping James’s stomach.
“You should do something about it,” James said. “Like right now.”
“I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” Steve said.
“Touching my dick would be taking care of me, you idiot,” James said, his voice getting heavier as he somehow got harder. “Come on already.”
“Wouldn’t it be better…” Steve’s fingers toyed with the waistband of James’s underwear, tugging it down to expose his hip. “If I told you what I did to myself this morning?”
James started coughing after a deep breath got caught in the back of his throat at Steve’s words. “The…fuck…?”
“Told you I had to preoccupy myself while you were out not fighting–”
“Or fucking,” James added.
“Sorry,” Steve said, rolling his eyes. “While you were out not fighting or fucking, after I got everything ready, I was bored. So I went to shower and…started thinking about you.”
“As one does,” James quipped.
“Stop being cute,” Steve admonished with a firm tug of James’s nipple. “So I was in the shower, thinking about you, how you’d look like this, how you’d feel.”
“How…did I feel, Stevie?” James asked, Steve’s honeyed tone turning his insides to mush.
“Warm…” Steve exhaled as his hands shifted from massaging to simply stroking James’s abs. “Soft.”
“No one’s ever called me soft before,” James said, his muscles tensing as Steve’s fingers roamed through his stomach's sharp ridges.
“Don’t care what anyone else thinks,” Steve said, heat flooding his tone. “I care about what we think.”
“Fuck…” James felt his dick throb hard at Steve’s words, and he had to stop himself from reaching down to grab it. “Keep talking, Stevie.”
“I…started…touching myself,” Steve said as he reached for the bottle, added a small dot into his palm, and spread it over his fingers. He slipped his hand under James’s waistband and rubbed at his pelvic bone. “Started right here…just a bit.”
“You usually need to get worked up to that,” James said, tilting his hips against Steve’s fingers.
“You inspired me.” Steve’s hand moved down to wrap around James’s shaft, lightly squeezing at the root. “Jesus, Bucky.”
James groaned as the same heat that Steve worked into his torso enveloped his shaft. The sensation was sharper and felt incredible, twisting up from the base of his dick to the very tip, making James feel lightheaded. He thrust into Steve’s fist and let out the most desperate sound he had ever heard himself make. Needing to re-assert himself, he ordered, “Keep talking, Stevie. Don’t stop.”
Steve nodded and started slowly stroking James’s shaft. “I started touching myself like this…slow to start. I didn’t want it to end too fast. Wanted to last, like you make me. But I was so hard, Buck. Needed you so bad, and you weren’t here.”
“Here now,” James murmured as he circled his hips, moving in time with Steve’s measured, firm strokes.
“Yeah, but not then,” Steve said. “I had to imagine you touching me, your hand on me, squeezing me tight like I wanted.”
James closed his eyes and gasped at Steve’s tightening of his fist. “Yeah?”
Steve hummed. “I wanted it tight, Buck. Real tight. You make it throb so good, drives me crazy.”
Steve wasn’t a dirty talker. He was all hushed whimpers and guttural moans, the sexiest noises that James could ever remember hearing, while his skin flushed in delicious shame from indulging in his body’s raw capacity for pleasure. James had seen him get bolder and more assertive in bed as they spent more time together, begging for more and crying out when James gave it to him fourfold. Dirty talk, however, was an unspoken bridge too far for Steve. James didn’t mind; he was more than fine to be the mouthier one, spewing filth from his lips that left Steve aching. He didn’t need Steve to reciprocate as long as he kept clinging to him, clenching around him, and whining desperately in his ear as they fucked. Hearing Steve recount how he got himself off, how hot and desperate he sounded, was an incredible gift that James wanted to drown in.
“It was good for a while,” Steve continued. “Stroking myself, thinking it was you…but…”
“You got impatient,” James finished for Steve.
“I got impatient,” Steve parroted back. He moved his hand across James’s chest to his left pec and toyed with his nipple until it was as hard as the right one, and James was panting. “So I reached behind and started…touching myself…back there…”
“Your lower back?” James popped one eye open. “That must’ve been boring.”
“You’re such a jerk.” Steve pinched James’s nipple, which only made James gasp again in delight. “You know what I meant.”
“And you know I need you to be more specific,” James said, opening his other eye and staring hard at Steve. “Details. Get me off with ‘em.”
“My hand isn’t good enough?”
“Your hand is good. Your mouth is better, so get to talking, Cap.”
“Fine,” Steve said before hardening his face like he was steeling himself from embarrassment. “I started playing with…my butt.”
“Ass,” James corrected.
“It’s the same thing.”
“Ass is hotter,” James explained, lowering his eyes and bumping his hips into Steve’s fist again to belabor his point. “You were playing with your ass.”
Steve nodded, taking the direction. “I was playing with my ass. Just one finger…rubbing…”
“Your hole.”
“Oh, fuck off,” Steve huffed. “I was getting there. So…I was rubbing it, just rubbing it. Didn’t want to push in…not yet. You would’ve teased me, Buck. Made me beg for it. I wanted that.”
“You wanted…to beg for it?” James stuttered slightly from Steve rubbing under his tip. “Fuck that’s good, Steve.”
“Beg for you,” Steve corrected. “I thought about you making me beg you…to stretch me open. I’d beg for it, just a finger, but you’re such a jerk that you’d make me wait. So I kept rubbing and rubbing until it ached too much, Buck. I was so tight for you.”
“Goddamn it…” James looked down and nearly went cross-eyed at the sight of Steve jerking him off in his boxer briefs, the movement of his wrist allowing him to peek at his turgid shaft under the fabric.
“I almost came thinking about you inside me.” Steve’s control of his voice seemed to be slipping, his words coming out harsher, breathier. “I want it to be enough, just touching myself, but it wasn’t. I needed more. You know I did. So I pushed.”
James squeezed his eyes shut as he felt heat rush south, making his shaft throb harder and his tip leak more precum in Steve’s hand. In all the sexual encounters he had with Steve, and the ones he could remember, he never felt anything like what Steve was doing to him. His body was pounding, blood zipping through his veins, hot and thick. It was harder to breathe, but the struggle was exquisite. His skin felt hot and tight, and he would’ve ripped it off if it didn't needle him in the best way. James was coming around to the undeniable truth that Steve was trying to push him and his body to the edge of madness. He wanted to fall off, badly.
“I went deep, Bucky.” Steve’s voice crept closer, and when James opened his eyes, he saw Steve leaning towards his neck. Steve nipped up James’s jugular with his lips and started sucking on it, making short licks with his tongue. “Worked my finger in and out of my hole, thinking about how you’d open me up. It was like I went crazy.”
“Fuck…”
“I was so hot inside,” Steve rasped over James’s collarbone before he sucked on the skin. “And then I found my spot. Not as fast as you do, but I did, and I went at it. I kept pushing and stroking it, just like you would. Because you wouldn’t stop, Buck. You wouldn’t stop until I was crying for it, for you.”
James thought he was about to cry, as foreign a concept as it was. Steve sucked his way down James’s chest and pulled his nipple into his mouth. The wet flicks of Steve’s tongue left James reeling, his body roiling as it took in what Steve’s hands and mouth gave him. He briefly wondered if Steve could taste how overwhelmed he was in his sweaty skin, just like he could when he treated Steve the same way.
“I tried waiting it out,” Steve said, looking up from James’s chest directly into his eyes. “But I couldn’t wait. I put another finger inside me, stretched myself wider, opening myself up for you because I knew you’d wear me out, right, Buck?”
“Keep…fucking…talking,” James growled.
Steve’s eyes narrowed into a predatory glare, his mouth widened into a wolfish grin, and his hand on James’s shaft tightened more. “Thought about your metal fingers inside me, cooling me down cuz I was so hot. You know I like how you cool me down, Bucky.”
“Yeah, you fucking do.” James felt his lungs rattle and the pressure in his pelvis grow. He knew he was close. “What then?”
“I couldn’t take it anymore,” Steve whined. “I needed to come. I needed to come…for you, Buck.”
“How?” James choked out, his chest rapidly rising and falling, his head starting to spin in his skull.
“I shoved my fingers hard into my spot, and I came,” Steve panted. “All over the shower wall until it was dripping. I couldn’t stop, Buck. I kept pushing and stroking. I kept coming for you…fell to my fucking knees coming for you. Rode my fingers, wishing you were splitting me open, filling me up, Bucky. Needed you to come…need you to come.”
The sum total of Steve’s scalding-hot words, his hungry stare, and his mouth and hand working James over was too much for him. James snarled and pushed his hips hard into Steve’s fist as his orgasm crashed into him. Steve yanked the fabric down right before the first strand of cum shot out of his tip and stroked the rest out onto his stomach, gasping as Steve’s firm fist left his throbbing shaft overwhelmingly warm and tingling. Just when James thought Steve was done, Steve moved to kiss him, swallowing his cry as another hot pulse of cum shot up his dick. James grabbed the back of Steve’s head with his metal hand and pulled Steve deeper into his mouth. Steve took over, licking and sucking at James’s lips and tongue, taking in every one of his gasps and moans.
Steve lifted his head, his eyes glassy but still hungry, his lips wet and swollen. “How was that?”
“Are you serious right now?” James asked. “You dirty talk me into the best orgasm of my life, and you ask that?”
“Just making sure,” Steve said.
While James cooled down, Steve stood from the bed, left the bedroom, and returned a few minutes later with a wet washcloth that he used to wipe down James’s stomach. His hand caressed James’s warm skin, testing how pliable and supple it had become. Steve’s touch was meant to calm James but had the opposite effect. It was a given that he wanted to ravage Steve, but he also wanted Steve to keep ravaging him. He wanted them both to be heaving masses, preferably on top of each other.
“Was this your plan?” James asked as Steve sat back down and continued touching James’s torso.
“Some minor adjustments, but pretty much,” Steve said. “As long as I made you feel good, I’d consider it a win.”
“It felt amazing,” James said, surprised by how open and honest he sounded. “Incredible.”
“Told you Natasha wouldn’t hurt you,” Steve said, smacking James on his ribs.
“Jury’s still out on that one,” James said. “If I’m still alive in 24 hours, I’ll concede.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Steve muttered, shaking his head and chuckling.
“Are you up for another minor adjustment?” James asked.
“What do you have in mind, Buck?”
“Go in the bathroom and grab the black box under the sink,” James said, amused as Steve slowly realized what James wanted.
Steve nodded and quickly retrieved the black box that James asked for from the bathroom. He set the box down next to James and opened it, pulling out the dildo that he and James had been playing with. Steve held it up and eyed it and James mischievously.
“As much as I enjoy you using this on me,” Steve said. “Today is supposed to be about you.”
“Lucky for me, then, that you’re using it on me.”
The smile on Steve’s face dropped in an instant. “Bucky…?”
“Don’t you dare overthink this,” James said, sitting up on his elbows, leering through Steve’s worried expression. “I want you to. It’s me asking. I’m not trying to prove anything. I want you to fuck me with it.”
Steve took a deep breath. “You sure?”
James nodded. “But don’t think you’re off the hook. I’m still fucking you. You’re gonna sit your fat ass on my dick and ride the fuck out of me while you fuck me with the toy. Get to see those sweet curves of yours bounce on me while you work me open, just like I did in your little fantasy.”
“Damn it, Buck…” Steve said, his face crinkling in embarrassment and excitement. “You and that mouth of yours.”
“Less blushing, more fucking,” James said, quirking his eyebrow. “Get to it, Captain.”
“I…um…” Steve couldn’t help but blush. “How do I…? I mean…I know how you’ve…on me, but…”
James allowed himself a single eye roll before reaching for the lube in the black box and handing it to Steve. As Steve slathered the dildo in the liquid, James placed his feet on the bed, tilting his hips up to expose his entrance. It was a vulnerable position for him, but he ignored the gnawing feeling at the base of his skull.
“Touch me,” James said with a shaky voice.
After wetting his fingers with lube, Steve shifted closer to James and traced his hand over the side of James’s left cheek, sliding it over to stroke at his taint. He pressed his thumb to the spot, and James jumped slightly at the cold, wet feel. Steve continued, creeping two fingers down to James’s hole and rubbing circles and the tight furl, trying to loosen it up for him. James breathed through the sparks flying inside his chest as Steve’s finger pushed inside him. He clenched around it, but Steve stroked his other hand over James’s stomach, relaxing him enough for Steve to slowly work the finger in and out of James’s hole. It didn’t take long for Steve to push another wet finger inside James and work him open, making James moan and squirm, his erection returning in full force.
“Um…I think you’re good…?” Steve sounded hesitant, but James knew he was right. He was ready.
“Put it in, Stevie,” James said.
James watched as Steve picked up the toy and brought it to his entrance. He let out a short, harsh breath at the blunt pressure and was suddenly hit with the gravity of what Steve was about to do, what it meant. James refused to let his mind go further into its darkest corridors where his worst memories dwelled. He focused on Steve, who seemed to be struggling himself, still tripping over his concern for him. James reached down and grabbed Steve’s hand on the dildo.
“Push,” James said, nodding with a small smile. “Do it…with me.”
Together, James and Steve pushed the dildo into James’s ass. James wasn’t prepared for the physical shock. His eyes widened, and the air quickly exited his lungs, making him gasp and squeeze around the toy. Steve stopped and bent over James to gently kiss him, a welcome distraction.
“You’re okay,” Steve murmured, his face radiating calm. “You’re here with me. We’re okay.”
James wanted to scoff at Steve’s comfort, but it would be a lie if he said it wasn’t helping. Instead, he nodded, locked into Steve’s eyes, and aligned their breathing as Steve took control of the toy. Steve was remarkably steady, pushing the toy in a couple of inches, checking in with James and giving him a minute or two to adjust, and then continuing until the dildo bottomed out inside of him. For all his knowledge and experience, James couldn’t recall ever feeling this way. He felt full, exposed, open. It felt like the toy was touching every inch inside him, and every inch was sparkling. He bore down on it as a test and was struck with intensely bright pleasure. It made him whine, again.
“Buck…?”
“It’s good, real fucking good, Steve,” James rushed the words out. “Just a lot… damn it…”
“I shouldn’t…”
“Pull it out, and I’ll kill you,” James gasped, squeezing his eyes shut as a string of precum dripped from the head of his dick. “Just…fuck…slow…in and out.”
Steve obeyed, slowly pulling out the dildo until just the head was inside James. The press inside James’s hole sent shivers rolling through his body and drew another heated gasp out of him. Steve moved the toy in and out of James’s ass at an easy pace, each of Steve’s soft pushes leaving James reeling. James rolled his hips into Steve’s thrusts, squirming as the dildo left a deep, stretched ache in him.
“God, Buck…” Steve said in awe as he moved his other hand down to James’s erection and ran a few fingers up and down his shaft.
“You’ll make me come if you do that,” James groaned, his eyes fluttering open and seeing how flushed and heavy his dick looked. “You’ll make me come.”
“Oh…” Steve grinned and stroked his thumb up James’s shaft, stopping under the head and circling the bundle of nerves.
“You’re really gonna be a punk about this?’ James groaned, his hips jerking and his hole clenching in surprise, more precum bubbling at his slit.
“Just a little,” Steve said, bending down and taking James’s tip into his mouth.
James would’ve jackknifed off the bed from the wet suction if it weren’t for Steve’s quick reflexes. With his arm weighing James’s hips down, Steve suckled gently on the head and flicked his tongue over the slit. James usually had enough strength and focus to push past Steve’s defenses, but Steve had worn him out more than he realized. He tried to get more of his dick into Steve’s mouth, but Steve refused to cooperate, never taking more than the head past his lips. Steve pulled his head back just when James thought he was about to come, his tip throbbing and leaking precum.
“You good, Buck?” Steve asked after licking one last drop for James’s slit.
“Get me the fuck inside you,” James panted. “Now.”
“So needy,” Steve said, his eyes twinkling as he crawled up James’s body to kiss him. “Sure you don’t need a minute? Don’t wanna neck a little? We could do the 69?”
“The 69?” James tilted his head. “What do you know about 69?”
“I know how to use Google, Bucky,” Steve sighed.
“Clearly not well,” James said. “Since no one calls it ‘the 69’.”
“Are you gonna keep being an asshole?” Steve asked.
“No, if you sit yours on my dick like I asked you to,” James replied. “Take those pants off, and let me see your fat ass, Steve.”
Steve huffed as he stood and pulled his lounge pants down, revealing his hard dick, the tip already damp with precum. James reached his metal arm out and grabbed Steve’s right ass cheek, pulling him forward. He slipped his fingers into Steve’s crack and touched his hole, one of them nearly slipping inside with the lightest of pressure.
“You already forgot what I did this morning, Buck?” Steve said, his bottom lip slipping between his teeth as James probed at his hole.
“Just making sure you were treating my ass right,” James said, retreating his finger from Steve’s hole in favor of squeezing the thick muscle hard enough to leave a faint mark.
“It’s mine, Bucky.”
“And yet you still haven’t sat it on my dick,” James mused, squeezing Steve’s cheek again. “Seems like you need better direction.”
“Shut up,” Steve groaned.
Steve turned around and climbed over James, settling on his stomach. James heard Steve squirting lube into his palm and felt it wrap around his erection, but the spectacular view of Steve’s ass distracted him. The way Steve sat made it look especially round and full, and he couldn’t wait to see and feel it bounce on him. James reached down and palmed Steve’s cheeks, spreading them to peek at his hole. He moaned through his closed mouth, but he wasn’t sure if it was the sight of Steve’s ass or Steve’s strokes of his dick.
Steve shifted his body forward and lifted himself, positioning his ass over James’s dick. He looked over his shoulder, and James could see that delicious shyness cross his face. “Buck? Can you…um…help…?”
“Spread that sweet ass open for my dick?” James finished Steve’s question, already a step ahead of him by thumbing at his hole. “Of course, Stevie.”
Steve held James’s dick still as he lowered his ass onto it. James moaned low and deep as Steve’s hole spread open around his tip and slid down his shaft, surrounding him in sweet, tight heat. He could feel Steve trying not to clench down on him, his walls tensing and releasing with his heavy breaths. It felt exquisite, but James didn’t interfere, instead just stroking and squeezing Steve’s ass, enjoying the lush, firm curves. He let out a pleasure-rich moan when Steve sat heavily in his lap, James’s dick fully inside Steve. Steve panted on top of James, his shoulders rising and falling, letting James appreciate the wide stretch of his back down to his slim waist.
“You feel so good, Buck,” Steve moaned, pressing his hips down into James, taking him even deeper. “God, it’s right there.”
“Yeah?” James shifted Steve’s ass so his dick pressed more firmly into Steve’s prostate. “I’m hitting your sweet spot?”
“Buck…”
“You’re gonna be sweet to me, Stevie?” James splayed his hands over Steve’s stomach and pulled him back, his forehead pressing into Steve’s back. “Gonna treat me good?”
Instead of answering or snarking at him, Steve ground his ass into James with wide, slow circles of his hips. The clasp of Steve’s walls around his dick made James let out a hot moan against Steve’s back, which he followed with light kisses over the damp skin. With his hands pressed into Steve’s tense abs, James moved his hips, pushing his dick as deep into Steve’s hole as he could manage, fucking over Steve’s prostate. His short thrusts pushed the dildo deeper inside him, the head missing his spot by a few inches but keeping him on edge with the stretch. Great as it felt, James wanted, needed more.
As if he had read James’s mind, Steve pulled forward from James’s embrace and grabbed the base of the dildo. Steve moved it in and out of James’s hole, twisting and tilting it until James gasped, the dildo hitting his prostate. With his left arm braced behind him into the bed, Steve fucked the toy into James and rode him harder, grunting with each smack of his ass into James’s crotch. Already near the brink, James simply held onto Steve, keeping them steady as he dug his fingers into the flexing meat of Steve’s thighs and ass.
“Come on, Buck,” Steve growled. “Fuck…I know you wanna come. Come inside me. Make me fucking feel it.”
A tight band inside James’s chest snapped. He couldn’t see Steve’s face, but his imagination filled in the image that matched the gravelly hunger in Steve’s words. James’s mind pictured the gleaming dare in Steve’s eyes, challenging him to come, demanding it of him. Had it been anyone else, they would be dead at the foot of the bed. Steve was the ferocious exception. James wanted to meet and exceed Steve’s challenge. He wanted to come for Steve, and he wanted Steve to shove him there.
With a sudden blast of energy and focus, James pumped his hips harder, working between Steve’s clenching ass and the dildo stretching him out. Steve made longer, harder thrusts with the toy in response, nearly battering James’s spot until stars ignited behind his eyes. James forced his torso up against Steve, pressing his hard chest against Steve’s back. Both hands slid up Steve’s sides to cup and squeeze at his pecs, plucking his nipples into hard, fleshy points. Steve whined, but James offered no mercy, shamelessly groping and tugging on his chest to match his thrusts into Steve’s ass. He whipped his head to Steve’s left side, bending down and taking Steve’s nipple into his mouth. He sucked on it hard, his tongue rubbing on the peak and his teeth scraping against the surrounding flesh. Steve cried out in delight and ground hard onto James. It made him clench unthinkably tight on James’s dick and shoved James’s prostate down into the dildo, the combined sensation sending him over the end. James squeezed his arms around Steve’s middle and groaned as he came deep inside Steve’s ass.
James slowly opened his eyes to see nothing but golden skin pressed against his face. He didn’t remember closing his eyes, which set off an alarm in his head that he might’ve blacked out. Pulling his head back, he quickly took stock of his surroundings. He was still sitting up on the bed, his arms tightly wrapped around Steve. His dick was still buried in Steve’s ass, and a shift of his hips confirmed that the dildo was still buried inside him. Steve’s body sagged on top of James, his breathing mostly even and relaxed. From what he had gleaned, James only lost a minute or two, not nearly enough for the Soldier to emerge in his place. If anything, the feel of Steve’s tight ass had briefly knocked him out. He could think of worse ways to lose mere moments.
“You…good…Buck?” Steve panted, reaching his hand back to rub the back of James’s neck.
James chuckled and kissed Steve’s bicep. “Besides your ass making me blackout? Just great.”
“Shut up, I did not.”
“Take the damn compliment, Steve,” James grumbled. “Your ass is a critical mass weapon. You should be proud; the U.S. government got their money’s worth out of you.”
“Pretty sure my butt wasn’t part of their plans,” Steve said.
“Then they shouldn’t have made your ass so fat,” James said, curving his hands to Steve’s hips. “And gave you this tiny fucking waist, Steve, god fucking damn.”
“You have no shame at all, huh?”
James thrust up into Steve’s ass. “When it comes to being inside this beauty? Nope, not at all.”
“Jesus, Buck…”
James was startled when Steve’s ass tightened around his dick, feeling his cum drip down his shaft. He wasn’t fully hard, but he figured he had enough in the tank to at least get Steve off again. James moved his metal hand to Steve’s dick. He was fully hard and, to James’s surprise, mostly dry, except for some precum over his slit.
“You didn’t come?” James asked, spreading the fluid over the head.
“I told you already,” Steve said. “This wasn’t about me. It was all for you, Bucky.”
“And what makes you think I don’t want you to come on my dick?” James asked, stroking Steve with more intent, tightening his fist on the upstroke to squeeze another drop of precum out of him. “Were you really gonna take that away from me?”
“Uh…” Steve moaned, his head falling back.
“I didn’t think so,” James said, leaning in to suck a mark into Steve’s neck and then peering down at his flushed, weeping dick. “Now be good for me and come.”
It wouldn’t take long, not with James going at Steve with everything he had left. Using Steve’s pec for leverage, James fucked him with hard, quick thrusts, not caring that he was making a mess of Steve’s hole. Steve didn’t seem to care either, overwhelmed by James pumping into him and briskly jerking him off. James could’ve gotten Steve off like this, but he felt like showing off. He gripped Steve hard and fell back onto the bed, pulling Steve on top of him. Steve yelped in surprise and nearly screamed when James started slamming into his ass. James tightened his fist on Steve’s shaft, and four strokes and a tweak of his nipple later, Steve came with a loud, shuddering cry, blasting cum onto his abs.
“There you go,” James said softly, slowing and then stopping his strokes to run his fingers through the cum lining the grooves of Steve’s abs. “That’s my boy.”
James let Steve lay on top of him and skimmed his metal hand across Steve’s heated flesh to cool him down. Steve sighed and kissed the side of James’s face for the trouble before gently easing off James’s dick and rolling next to him on the bed. Steve grabbed the washcloth off the bedside table and quickly wiped himself down. He then returned his attention to James, cleaning him up, too. It wasn’t lost on James that Steve was taking significantly more time with him than on himself, his wipes softer, slower, more thoughtful.
“You ready?” Steve asked as he reached down between James’s legs and took hold of the dildo still inside him.
After James nodded and took a few breaths to relax, Steve slowly pulled the toy out of his ass. He put the toy back in the box and laid back next to James, resting his head on the pillow. Steve wore an easy grin, which only widened as he reached over and skimmed his fingers along James’s jawline. It was a sweet moment that James didn’t want to bust open, but he did have a question he wanted Steve to answer.
“What was all this about?” James asked after bouncing the question around in his head while Steve drew closer and cupped his face.
“Oh…” Steve’s smile dropped a bit, and James could see in his eyes that he was contemplating the answer. “It’s…um…”
“Is it something bad?” James thought the question was stupid, but it was the first place his mind went: Steve was trying to distract him from some impending doom about to land on their doorstep.
“No!” Steve said, shaking his head. “It’s nothing bad, I swear. It’s just…something from the past…your past…as Bucky.”
Intrigued, James rolled over onto his side towards Steve. They hadn’t discussed James’s memories of Bucky, mainly because they were still too fleeting and nebulous to craft into a meaningful record of his past life. Steve still trod carefully around those memories, never initiating a conversation or probing when James mentioned one that had surfaced. Whatever Steve was referring to must’ve been important to both of them for him to bring it up or spur this afternoon.
“What is it?” James asked, surprised by his eagerness.
“Well…today…it’s your birthday, Buck.”
James felt his face freeze, his eyes stuck in a wide glare. He thought about the day’s date: March 17th. If Steve was to be believed, and there was no good reason why James wouldn’t believe him, then March 17th was James Buchanan Barnes’s birthday. Truthfully, James hadn’t concerned himself much with dates. They were for planning missions and had no meaningful value outside of that. The concept of birthdays hadn’t registered at all. He was an asset when he was under HYDRA’s control, and assets didn’t have birthdays. Assets didn’t have commission dates, assembly dates, or any other marker that suggested a singular identity. James wasn’t under HYDRA’s control anymore, though. That meant that he did have an identity, which also meant that he did have one of these markers, a day that he was born.
And that day was March 17th.
His mind was inundated with questions that, not too long ago, he would’ve batted away for the sake of his missions or his sanity. He had questions about his past birthdays, like if Bucky had somehow acknowledged them with trivial things like cakes, candles, and balloons. Had Steve celebrated with him in their cramped little apartment, where James cared for Steve during that terrible winter in 1938? Did Bucky’s parents and siblings celebrate with him? Did he even have parents or siblings, or had he been alone? What did Bucky have that he could call his own? Who or what was James Buchanan Barnes? Who knew? Did HYDRA know, and that’s why they took him and turned him into whatever he was now? Did Steve know, or were there things he didn’t and would never know? How much of Bucky was lost to either of them? Was there anything left worth salvaging? Was Bucky even real?
James knew he was neck-deep in a psychological spiral, which is why he spent a significant amount of time and energy avoiding those questions and more. Steve must’ve seen it, too, because he grabbed James’s face and locked eyes with him. The warm intensity of Steve’s stare cleared the noise in James’s head.
James shook his head in frustration. “I’m–”
“Don’t apologize,” Steve interrupted. “I should’ve–”
“Lied?” James interrupted back. “I thought we don’t do that?”
“We shouldn’t,” Steve answered. “As long as I’m not hurting you.”
“I don’t need your protection, Steve,” James said, tamping down the frustration in his voice.
“I don’t want to hurt you or make you uncomfortable, Buck.”
“Did we do anything in the last two hours that looked like it hurt me or made me uncomfortable?” James asked.
“The toy could’ve been touch and go,” Steve said, sounding like he was mostly joking.
“You’re an idiot,” James scoffed. “Look, I don’t think I’m gonna ever be fully comfortable with anything. Consequence of HYDRA, I guess. That doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells around me and worry about setting me off.”
“That’s all I worry about,” Steve said with naked honesty.
“So do I,” James said. “So stop it. I can worry enough for the both of us, alright?”
Steve didn’t look entirely convinced, but he nodded anyway.
“So…” James started with a slow breath. “Today’s my birthday.”
Steve nodded again. “Yeah, March 17th. I almost forgot, but–”
“What did we just say about lying, Steve?” James cut him off. “I know you. You’ve been thinking about this for months, haven’t you?”
“Yeah…” Steve exhaled. “Sorry, that was dumb of me.”
“So you thought you would give me a day at the spa and then fuck my brains out?” James rolled his eyes, signaling to Steve that it was fine.
“The first part, yes,” Steve answered. “The second part? Not necessarily, but I wasn’t surprised we ended up there.”
James smirked. “And what would you have done if we didn’t fuck? What if I just let you get me off, and I went to sleep?”
Steve smirked back as he reached behind and tapped on the black box. “Probably something involving that.”
James cycled through all of the possible images of Steve using the dildo on himself. “And what if I wanted to watch? You selfish bastard.”
“I guess I know what to get you next year,” Steve said.
“I don’t see why we have to wait until next year,” James said. “You could put on a show for me right now.”
“Shut up, Bucky.”
James chuckled, only for the smile to fade away. “Is there…a specific birthday of mine that you remember? One you might wanna share?”
Steve’s smile faded, too, and James saw him negotiating in his head whether or not he should share. The negotiation ended when James scooted closer and laid his arm over Steve. “Your 16th…I had planned for us to ride the Ferris Wheel at Coney Island all day…just to see how long we could do it. But they shut it down because of the fire, so you suggested we do the Virginia Reel instead. It got boring real quick.”
“Doesn’t sound fun,” James said, confused as to why Steve picked this particular year.
“It wasn’t, not for you,” Steve said. “But for me, I was so small that a ride like that was crazy. You rode it with me the whole day, even though you were bored. That’s the kind of guy you are, Buck. You’re the guy that shows up, no matter what.”
James wasn’t sure what to make of the birthday or Steve’s takeaway from it. He didn’t feel like someone who would always “show up,” especially after he spent so much time hiding from the world, hiding from Steve. It felt like a lofty perch, too high for him to reach. If he made it up there somehow, James was sure he would fall from it within minutes. And yet, with the way Steve looked at him, he entertained the idea that getting and staying there was possible. Unlikely, but possible.
“Seems like we need better birthdays,” James quipped, pleased when he made Steve smile. “This felt like a pretty good place to start.”
Steve pushed James onto his back and rolled on top of him, their faces mere inches apart. James could see the love and affection glimmering in Steve’s eyes up close, and for the first time, it didn’t make him feel uneasy or, worse, unworthy. He didn’t know how to return it or if he was even capable of it. Whatever emotion James conveyed seemed enough for Steve, who smiled and kissed James hard, slow, and deep. When he pulled back, Steve looked happier than James had ever seen him.
“Happy birthday, Bucky.”