Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Many eons ago, when the Earth was still young and new up in the kingdom of Heaven, there was trouble a brew.  A rebellious angel named Samael tried to overthrow his father with the help of others who believed in his ideals. In the end, they proved to be unsuccessful.

All seven of them were banished from paradise and forced onto Earth. What the angels didn't predict however was for them to tempt the first humans. Samael snuck into the garden disguised as a snake at first only to feed the first of humanity the forbidden fruit.

But when his eyes gazed upon the woman known as Lilith, he knew he had to have her. He wooed and enchanted her, promising her the entire world would be in her hands IF she chose to be his.

Agreeing she helped with convincing her ex-husband Adam to take a single bite out of the forbidden fruit. What they didn't realize was the grave consequences of one act of disobedience. Evil had been unleashed onto the Earth and with it came the new creation of sin.

As punishment for what they had done God had sentenced not only the couple but the rest of the fallen angels to the depths of darkness known as Hell. 

They had thought that sending them there would put an end to their reign, but they were wrong. They all embraced their fallen selves and the true power that came with it. Satan had even declared himself and his bride the rulers of this land.

Soon more angels fell into Hell alongside them. One of them was an owl that went by the name of Paimon. He swore loyalty to the king and queen and promised that he and his brood would protect and serve. 

His powers were vast and mighty like the sea. He even incorporated them into books. They were called grimoire. 

With them, Satan and his seven followers used them to travel amongst the mortals to wreak havoc and entice them into temptation. Satan tempted humans by getting them to be angrier and lash out. The sin Leviathan tempted humans to envy what others had.

The sin Belphegor tempted humans by getting them to slack off on what is needed to survive. The sin Asmodeus tempted humans to commit adultery and lay with one another before marriage. The sin Mammon tempted humans by hoarding instead of sharing with those who were in need. 

The sin Beelzebub tempted humans by overindulging with food, drinks, and other pleasures. Lastly, the youngest of them Lucifer tempted the humans by getting them to be more prideful and arrogant, especially leaders.

Their temptation forth more and more sinners each year. Which meant more souls falling to them and for his wife to control and be at her complete mercy.

Eventually what he and the first did became somewhat of a business. A business that was all about the pain and suffering of humanity.

Chapter Text

Satan stared at the door to the bar the harpy like creature just went in. He and his crew were just about to get their target when they were suddenly ambushed by one individual.

It swooped down and torn the target into shreds. Satan was actually more impressed than angry for once. So was his little brother Lucifer who was standing right beside him.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you? I’m sure I can be of some help.” Satan stood his ground, “No, you’ll only get in the way. Besides it might come better coming from the big boss himself instead of his lackey.” Lucifer let out a scoff, “Lackey? I’m one of your partners and if anything I should have been the one to-

“Yeah that’s nice, I’ll be right back and hopefully with a new employee.” He opened the door and went right inside. Looking around he found his new target. Sitting at the bar hunched over was the newest fallen angel. 

Chugging down a beer with an unapproachable appearance. Except for the fact that Satan didn’t scare off so easily. He sat next to the demon and couldn’t help but feel like he’s seen him from somewhere.

His skin was pale with some shades of grey, like ash. His hair was brown like soil, with dark horns curled on his head. The wings on his back black like ebony.

His form was chubby but with some nice curves to him. If he took a closer look he would have seen the little tail of a lamb sitting above his buttocks. His eyes glowed yellow as he stared back at him.

“The fuck you looking at?” He hissed at him as Satan shrugged, “Nothing much, just the bitch that took my hit.” The fallen angel huffs out a humorless laugh. “If you’re looking for retribution, then I’m afraid your shit out of luck!”

The fight was instant. 

Now, Satan could fight anyone and win, he was big and strong and never backed down. But this guy? He was matching up to him in ways he never thought anyone would. 

“Wow, I can see why Lucifer was impressed with you.” The demon growled and threw a knife at him, “Who's that? You're fucking boss!?” Satan dodged with ease, “Ha! He fucking wishes. No, I'm in charge around here little lamb.”

Adam growled again, “The names Adam, not little lamb fuck face!” Adam? Has Satan heard that name before? Probably it was very common nowadays.

They fought for some time and battered back and forth. He decided now was the best time to tell him of his proposition. “I want you to join my team.” It took nearly getting stabbed a few times and many punches to the face before Adam calmed down enough. 

“...... You're real fucking weird. I'm in.” He didn't have much else to do down here. Satan clapped him on the back and started telling him about his business. There was one question on his mind however, “So wait, who's this Lucifer fella?

“Your new coworker, yeah you'll fucking hate him. He's that guy there.” They stepped outside as Lucifer pointed him out. Adam looked over and it was like time stopped when his eyes locked onto red and yellow ones, his heart did a funny thing in his chest. 

What was this feeling? 

Lucifer was slicking his hair back and fixing up his appearance when his brother came back with the fallen angel. Now that Lucifer got a good, clear look at him it took everything within his power to not vomit. Because standing next to Satan was Adam the first man.

And Lucifer’s first crush. 

Satan wasn’t the only angel to enter the garden. Lucifer wanting to help him disguised himself as a duck and searched out the first man. When he saw him sitting next to a pond, his naked smooth skin glistening in the sunlight.

It felt as if the world had stopped and he had seen a true angel. He swam over to him and before he could do anything started to gently pet him. It was at that moment Lucifer let his heart be stolen.

By his father’s best work no less.

But he never had the courage to talk to him, only observe. Now here he was standing in front of him. More beautiful than ever and Lucifer was willing his damnedest not to pop one.

Adam grasped his hand tightly and shook it, “Hi, I’m Adam.” Lucifer tried to respond, “I Oh!” Adam was confused, “Um I’m sorry what? Satan sighed deciding to help his brother out. “Don’t mind him he was created stupid. Let me take you to our office and get you situated with everyone else.” 

He swung an arm across his shoulder and practically dragged him away. Adam stole one more glance at the smaller male and gave him a soft smile. Lucifer felt like he was sick in love as he followed them giddily. 

Adam changed into the uniform that Satan gave him when they got to the office, it was much nicer than what he was wearing before.

Cleaner too.

“This place is nice.” He whistled taking it all in, Satan grinned. “I would hope so, the wife and I made it ourselves.” 

He showed Adam to where his little section of the office would be when he would be here doing the boring paperwork part. Adam supposed it was Hell and even they had some rules to follow. 

Lucifer was trying so hard not to drool over how hot Adam looked in those jeans, right shirt and jacket. All in black with gold accents and it all looked perfect on him.

It felt like the universe was giving him another chance to be with him.

Adam met a couple of the other sins, Bee and Bel were the only ones in that day and he really liked them. Once Satan let him go on his own devices he eyed Lucifer at his desk.

His heart beat quickened, the short blonde man was so cute. Adam took a deep breath and went over to him, sitting on the edge of his desk. “So, what do you do for fun around here?” 

Lucifer stared up at him trying his best not to flush too badly. “Oh, um,” He gulped, “There is a cafe just a block away from the office. It’s has a really nice menu and I love their pastries. There’s also a park near my place I like to go after work.” That sounded nice, “Well, I would love it if you show me sometime.”

“YES! I, I mean we got off in a bit, how ‘bout then?” Adam smiled, “Sounds good Sweetie.” 

He winked and got off the desk going back to the girls. Lucifer couldn’t help but be a little naughty. He stared at the full and round bottom, watching as it moved slightly from side to side. 

Lucifer groaned, “I’ve truly fallen haven’t I? I’m screwed.” 

Adam was so excited, this would be the first time he's had control over his dating life. Was it too soon to have the feeling of wanting to sit on that little cuties face?

Nah.

When they got off work Adam met Lucifer outside, he waved goodbye to the girls and Satan as they went off together.

Going to the cafe, they got a coffee and a pastry to go. Lucifer even paid for it. Adam smiled, “Well aren't you a gentleman?~” Lucifer melts underneath that beautiful smile of his. “W-Well, you're new. The least I could do is treat you.”

Adam practically purred, “Once I get my first paycheck I'll have to return the favor. ~” Oh that voice went right to Lucifer's dick. “O-ooh, that's very kind.” 

Adam giggled and he swore it was like he heard the bells in heaven again. They made it to the park and sat on the bench; Adam crossed his legs and leaned in close. “So, why don't you tell me all about yourself Luci.~” 

He even tucked a strand of soft blonde hair behind Lucifer's ear and caressed his jawline. Lucifer swallowed hard, “There’s uh not much to know about me. My life is uh based on the office. I’m practically married to it. Hehe.” 

“Is it an open relationship?” He teasingly asked, Lucifer choked on his drink. “What!?” “I’m sorry your face is just too cute when you’re flustered. But I am curious, are you interested in dating?” 

“…If I find the right person then yes. I’ve always wanted that special someone to hold close to me and to love. For us to watch over each other. Keep one another safe.” He looked down at his hands smiling at the thought of Adam being his, and him being Adam’s. A guy can dream. 

“Hmm, I desire the same thing. I’ve been married twice but never of my own choice. Hopefully this time I can get a say in the partner of my choosing.” Lucifer placed his hand on top of his. “I hope that to Adam.” 

Adam smiled, maybe if he played his cards right Lucifer could be his someone. “Not to be nosey, but where are you staying? It's getting dark.” Adam's smile slipped from his face, “Oh... I'm very new to Hell, been here maybe a week or two. I don't have anywhere to call my own.”

This could be a small in for him! 

Lucifer did his best to not in any way show his delight. “W-Well, if you're interested, I have a couch.” Adam smirked, “Oh? ~” 

“Y-yeah, it pulls out into a bed..... If you wanted somewhere to stay until you're on your feet. But you don't have to!” Adam smiled again, “Is this your way of taking me home? ~” 

Lucifer felt so damn sweaty at the implications and Adam laughed again. “You're so fun to tease.~ That's very sweet, but only if you're sure you want me in your personal space.~” He got even closer to Lucifer and the poor fallen angel swore his heart was going to explode. “I want you very much, in fact I welcome you in my personal space!”

It came out before he could stop it. It got a laugh out of the fallen angel. “Well then I guess that settles it. Lead the way short stack.” 

Lucifer tried to quench the anxiety racking over his body as he led Adam towards his home. It was a nice upper scale apartment complex that was just as nice inside. When they crossed the threshold Adam almost made a joke about Lucifer carrying him but held it in. 

“So um, there isn’t much to this place. There’s my office, my bedroom, and here’s the couch!” 

He made a show of showing him the piece of furniture he’ll be sleeping on. He helped unfold the bed and Adam sat on it. “Thanks again for helping me, I’ve never had someone show me this amount of kindness. Except for…” Adam trailed off gaining a distant look in his eyes. 

“Who?” Lucifer decided to ask, Adam shook his head. “…It doesn’t matter, if you um don’t mind I’m gonna catch some Z’s.” He said lying down, Lucifer bit his lip he hated that he upset him. “Before I forget, let me get you some blankets! It can get quite drafty in here at night.”

He ran to his closet and get them but by the time he got back the poor lamb was deeply asleep. He couldn’t help the soft look he was giving him. He was absolutely adorable.

He gently laid the blankets on him and left for his own bedroom. 

When Adam woke up he smiled at the blankets that were neatly placed on him.

He got up and went to the bathroom before looking around a little bit. He smiled when he saw the picture of everyone from the company. They looked like a happy family.

He wondered if Lucifer was the youngest or if he was just the shortest.

Lucifer came out, his hair a mess. He forgot Adam was here and quickly fixed his hair. “M-morning!” Adam turned and smiled, “Morning!” “Would you like some breakfast?” 

Adam’s stomach rumbled making the decision for him. “Sure..... Hehe, nice duckie pajamas they're adorable.~” Lucifer swore that if he died of embarrassment in front of Adam. “Um thanks, let me go prepare breakfast!” 

Lucifer did just that, he was quick enough and within the next ten minutes breakfast was served. Helps when you have powers.

Lucifer pulled out his chair for him and soon they began to eat and converse. Once finished they got ready and headed for work. Both ready to tackle anything in store.

It was a full day full of mayhem, murder, and fun. Well, fun for the sins and Adam anyway. However, as they headed back to the office getting ready to leave Adam couldn’t help but allow some unwanted thoughts to linger.

“Hey uh Satan?” The demon in question turned and addressed him. “Yes?” Here went nothing, “Can I talk to you real quick?” “You get five minutes. Come with me to my office.” 

They went in and Satan shut the door. “So, what did you want to talk about?” Adam crossed his arms insecurely. “...Satan do we really deserve this?” Satan stared at him, “Huh?” 

“Were fallen angels, cast away by God himself. We…” He trailed off and sighed before continuing. “We are nothing more than rejects that Heaven found undesirable. We shouldn't be doing this shit, then getting paid. Because all we are good for is what Heaven tells us were good for...what I'm good for.” 

“Ok shut the fuck up.” 

Adam looked up shocked, “W, what?” Satan glared, “I have not spent thousands of years building my empire up just for you to take a steamy pile of shit all over it!” 

“But I-

“ ‘Were only good for what Heaven tells us were good for?!’ That is a complete fuckwad notion and you know it!” 

“I was just-

“I didn't hire you because I thought you were worth nothing! I hired you because you are worth something that Heaven didn't see nor appreciate! Every single person here has something to offer! Even the little twink himself! Sometimes...“

“But what I'm asking is do we deserve a good life after what we have done?” The devil rubbed his eyes frustrated at him. “Adam do you really believe in that? Or is that just your fears talking?” Adam stayed silent, “I thought so, listen bud ignore what everyone else is saying. You know your worth something and that should be enough.” 

For the longest time Adam stood there taking in his words. Maybe Satan had a point. “I, your right.” Satan puffed out his chest proudly. “Of course, I am. Don't let the door hit you on your way out.” 

Adam smiled at him and turned to leave but was stopped by Satan. “And Adam?” “Yeah?” Satan gave him a deadpan stare, “Go and fuck that little white man already.” Adam's entire face turned scarlet, “W, w, w, what?!”

“You heard me, I want you to ask him out already. I can literally TASTE the sexual tension you guys have. Let me tell you it's making Ozzie horny and when that happens bad things happen. Ok? And don't bother denying it I see the way Lucifer stares at you as if you created sliced bread! Just go and let him stick it in ya or whoever the top is will do to who.”

Adam said nothing as he walked right out of the office, feeling a bit more confident than he was before. 

So that night after dinner Adam took that leap of faith and kissed Lucifer square on the lips. The number of sparks that flew it was like no other kiss he ever had in his life.

Lucifer swore this was what heaven felt like, it had been so long since he'd been there, but the feeling was the same.

The next thing they knew the kiss was deeper and they were stumbling back towards Lucifer's bedroom and pawing at each other's clothes like their lives depended on it.

To say that Adam was impressed with Lucifer's dick was an understatement, the little guy was packing a python in his pants!

They had sex with Adam riding his dick to start and they changed positions a few times. It felt so perfect and so right like a puzzle piece finally fits together.

When they climaxed together and were done, Lucifer had his arm around Adams's waist, and he snuggled into Lucifer's side sighing contently. “That was fucking amazing...... I may just have to keep you handsome.~” 

“I am more than comfortable with that.” He gave him a chaste kiss on his forehead before falling asleep.

Chapter Text

Within a year of dating Adam and Lucifer married. They had a small ceremony choosing only to invite their co-workers and friends. Adam did have someone he wished walked him down the aisle but knew was impossible. 

Still, there wedding was everything the two could hope for and more. Especially getting to be with the one they loved forevermore. Years passed since then and before they knew it almost a whole decade had gone by. 

Seven years to be precise. During that time a lot had happened, including the separation of the king and queen of Hell. When everyone had heard the news they were shocked.

They always thought their love was everlasting. But they guessed wrong. Satan was beside himself since the divorce. 

If it wasn’t for his family helping to take care of him he would have fallen further than he already was. 

Business had been a bit slower than usual since the Queen left. Her ties to the sinners were actually apart of why this business got so successful in the first place. They needed to do something and fast.

That’s why Satan had called for a meeting.

Satan sighed leaning over the table as he stared at his employees. His top partners at the firm that he knew would help turn this business around with their ideas. “Ok, I know that things have been a little...slow as of late and that's no one's fault, except for Lucifer of course.” 

The demon in question gave a disgruntled look. Adam rolled his eyes playfully, he knew that Satan just liked to poke Lucifer's buttons. “So, does anyone have any ideas on how to get business drummed up again?” 

Adam’s eyes lit up as he raised his hand and waved it. “Oou! What about a car wash?” “Satan gave him a deadpanned look. “This is Hell Adam, no one cares about cars being clean...... Oh what about a billboard?” 

Lucifer scoffed and crossed his arms, “We can't afford a billboard Sat.” The big boss stared down at his little brother. “Gee thanks Lucifer, really glad you're in the room right now. Come on! We need to think of something or have you guys forgotten about what our fucking business is?”

He turned on the tv that played their company's jingle. “Everyone loves a little jingle when an ad is spitting bull shit at them.” Lucifer glared back, “No one forgot. And no one likes the jingle.” Adam pouted,  “..... I liked it.” 

Lucifer sighed, “Addie, please do not agree with him in front of me.” “This company has always been a dream of mine. Are you trying to crush my dream Lu? Just like father did? Cause all I see is our fathers asshole talking right now.”

Adam grinned leaning towards him. “Are you trying to crush his dream Luci?~” The sin of pride stared at him. “I.... What?” Adam kissed his cheek, “I thought I knew you.~”

Satan pouted, “Me too. And after I made you employee of the month!” He pointed to a bad taken photo of him on the wall. “I’m pretty sure you just did that because you won’t give me a raise.” “No, I did that because…hold on a second while I think of an excuse.” 

Lucifer sighed heavily, sometimes he just can’t with him. “Can we PLEASE go back to the matter of importance?” Satan rolled his eyes, “Right, right… Mammon got any ideas?” 

He turned to the pudgy jester who was eating the donuts brought to the meeting. “Well and this is just a thought but if we took advantage of the amount of rage filled, revenge seeking, psychotic sinners down here?” 

“What do you mean?” Mammon stared at him indignantly, “The fuck you mean what I mean? I’m saying we can take the sinners on as clients! We can go to Earth and kill the people that fucked them over! All for a good price of course.” 

“Like assissins for hire?” asked Adam who received finger runs from the sin of greed. “Exactly like that! There's an over abundance of sinners down here yeah? It would be a good way to get them back on your side.” 

Even though Satan was King, he hasn't really done any Kingly work since Lily left ...... He didn't see the point but the business was where his heart was. “Huh, I guess we can give it a try. A little rebranding never hurt.” 

If you want somebody gone and you don't wanna want too long call the  Angel Assassination Alliance. 

Hand grenade or cyanide we'll make it look like suicide Angel Assassination Alliance. 

We do our job so well, because we come straight up from Hell! 

We'll kill your husband or your wife we'll even let you keep the knife the Angel Assassination Alliance. 

Kids die for free!

Chapter Text

“I was a good person my whole life. I was a dedicated teacher and wife who did everything she could to make those around her smile. But I guess that wasn’t enough. Because as soon as I made the mistake of killing my now ex over an act of adultery then offing myself I ended up down here. Despite the bastard getting exactly what he was owed.”

The female sinner stopped her pacing in Satan’s office as she finished her oh so tragic tale. The big boss of Hell was leaning in his chair feet propped on his desk. Taking in and doing the math.

“Listen I hate to be the one to pop your bubble but it sounds like you already got your revenge.” 

“Not exactly, his whore is still kicking and breathing up on Earth and I don’t care whatever it fuckin takes I want that fucking CUNT SHRED TO RIBBONS!!!!” She screamed leaning into his face while panting. Satan took a breath, “Okay yeah, I get it. We can take your case.”

In the waiting room Adam, Luicfer and Mammon were doing some target practice with random photos. “Does it have to be a picture of a family?” Lucifer asked as Mammon looked up from his phone. “What?” Lucifer sighed, “It's just.... When are we ever going to kill a whole family?”

Adam shrugged, “I mean, if that's what the client wants.” Mammon nodded enthusiastically, “Yeah shortie, you don't know what kind of nasty shit people get up to you there.” “Exactly, that's why so many people end up down here. People are full of nasty ugly secrets.” Lucifer made a face, “Yeah I guess. A shitty dad or something I can understand.” 

He aimed the bow and arrow at the picture and before he could aim right Satan kicked open his door scaring him, the arrow went around the room. It did get the picture but nearly hit the client if Satan hadn't caught it. 

“Guys, say hello to our latest client.” The aquarium fell over and the eels set fire to the office. Satan glared at his youngest brother, “DAMN IT LUCIFER I JUST BOUGHT THOSE EELS!!” 

Later just as they were about to head to Earth Lucifer overheard their boss apologizing to their client. “Again very sorry for the mess back there but don’t worry that skank will be dead within the next twenty four hours or it’s on the house.” Lucifer crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Satan when he came over. “Satan when the Hell did we agree for such a policy?” Satan turned and gave him a joyless, stressed filled smile. 

“When you decided to fuck up the office dear little brother. That’s when! Now come on we have a job to do!” He turned to Mammon who was scrolling on his phone. “You got the book?” 

Mammon barely gave him a glance holding up the book in one of his many hands. “You mean the only ticket to the mortal realm? Yeah I’m stupid but not that stupid.” Satan smiled and grabbed it. “Good, you stay here and just do what you do best, touching yourself to greasy chicken.”

The second he said that he used the book to go. Right as Mammon’s gears turned and he realized what was just said to him. 

“OH FUCK YOU YA BLOODY VAGINAL BELCH!” 

The portal closed and they were right in front of the targets home. Satan grinned, this was going to be delicious. 

As they approached the house where their target lay waiting. Satan turned to Lucifer and asked, “You want this one Lu? It's easy not even you could fuck it up.” The sin of pride nodded, eager to redeem himself from the mess he caused earlier. “Okay, what's the target? 

They got up to the house and looking in they saw a family sitting down to have dinner. “Just the woman who got out of the hospital.” Lucifer froze, “We're killing a family!?” Satan rolled his eyes, “Don't be stupid. We're killing one woman, we're ruining a family.”

He took out his gun since Lucifer was taking too long, you snooze you lose. 

“Gotcha bitch.” 

Lucifer wasn't sure what came over him but just as Satan was about to shoot he pulled on his arm and he missed her. Their target, Martha gasped in astonishment, “What was that Ralphy?” “I don’t know Martha but whatever it is, it’s skin will be hanging on our walls and we’ll fill our bellies with their blood.”

Martha grinned and took a swig from her glass before grabbing a shotgun from underneath the table. “Kids grab your guns, it’s hunting time!” 

Back outside Satan was chewing out Lucifer. “What the actual fuck is wrong with you!” His nostrils were pouring out smoke as fire was starting to crackle within his throat. “We..I can’t do this! This is wrong, I can’t kill innocent people!” 

“For the last time we’re only killing the mom! And You have hurt plenty of people in the past what makes her so special?!” They were interrupted by a gun shot. 

It pierced through his arm causing him to scream. “MY FUCKING ARM!! SCATTER!” Satan took off towards the woods, Lucifer ran off in another direction and Adam went to the docks where he was going to beat the shit out of the dad.

The kids, Lucifer doesn't know how, snuck up on him and brought him inside.

Adam did his best to fuck up the dad, but the fucker got a lucky hit and knocked him.

Satan hid behind a tree. He could hear that psycho not that far away, “Come on out big guy! Just let momma Martha put a bullet in your skull!” 

He felt his phone buzz from inside his vest. He shakily took it out and tried silencing it but it kept buzzing. Finally he answered it.

“What!?” He whispered yelled into it, he heard Bel’s voice on the other line. “Hey bro bro it’s me, I wanted to talk to you real quick I know you’re on the job but it’s urgent.” 

“This is really not the time Bel!” That didn’t deter the doctor, “It’s about your test results from your visit in sloth a few weeks ago, I just got them back and…they’re not looking too good.” 

Satan stopped for a second to fully listen to his sister continue. “Your blood pressure is through the roof. I hate to say it buddy but…you have hypertension.” 

Satan scoffed, “I’m a demon that’s stupid.” 

“No it’s fact, you’ve fallen your still viable to illnesses and injury if pushed hard enough.” 

Satan ran from his spot when he heard the gun go off. He hyperventalated his way to a new hiding space. “Shit, shit, shit, shit! What the fuck am I going to do!” 

“Ok, calm down, calm down that’s how you got this in the first place.” 

“Well what would you have me do Belohegor!? Meditate!? Drink the green jasmine tea shit!?” He crouched behind a bush as he went off. 

“No, but I have another idea. What if-

The phone was slapped out of his claws by the but of Martha’s gun. She found him. 

Lucifer woke up in the house and the kids were there with him giving him menacing looks. “O-ooh hello little ones.” 

He knew the reason why this job was hard for him, he had been wanting to have a family with Adam and something about killing another....... Didn't sit right. 

“It's good to have a new play thing.” The girl spoke as she began brandishing a knife. Okay, maybe these fuckers did deserve it. 

Lucifer broke free and grabbed his gun, it was time to end this. 

Adam and Satan were tied to a pole. “Well fuck, this wasn't expected.” The devil huffed, “God fucking damn it Lucifer, if I live I will kill you.” Adam gave his brother in law a look. “Hey, I still need him.”

Martha stepped forward ready to pull the trigger. “Enough Hell spawn! Time to send you back to where you came from.” 

She aimed her gun at them and a shot rang out but it wasn't her gun. Her eye fell out of her head and she fell over dead, Lucifer was standing behind her with his gun. 

“Luci!!” Adam yelled out happily as Lucifer ran over and untied them, him and Adam hugged tightly. “You okay dove?” He nodded, “Yeah I'm fine.” They rubbed their faces together in a tender gesture. 

Satan puffed out smoke, “If you ever do that again you'll be more than sorry.” Lucifer gulped, “Understood. Let’s just go home.” “Agreed.” Satan let out a little huff but complied.

Before leaving he took a quick photo of the body. After all they did need evidence, explicit evidence. 

At least the world was with one less member of a cannibal family. 

Chapter Text

Once they got back they celebrated their kill with a little party. Seeing as this was their first success. 

Adam brought a piece of cake to his husband and pecked him on the cheek. “You doing okay baby?” “Yeah it’s just…Adam when we get home can we talk?

“of course.”

Meanwhile Satan and Belphegor were having a little talk. A continuation of their conversation from earlier. “How bad is it?” Satan asked deciding to bite the bullet. Belphegor bit her lips softly, “Bad enough that if I didn't know how stubborn you are I'd suggest retiring.” 

He wiped his hand down his face, he didn't like this. “Fuck me sideways, I can't do that.” Belphegor nodded in understanding, “I know. But there are things I can do that can help Sam.” She handed him a long list of things that he could do and take. “Those are just suggestions but you do need to get your stress down.”

Satan took a glance at it, well it certainly didn’t hurt to try.

Adam and Lucifer got home and he sat down on the couch with his husband. “What's the matter baby? Everything okay?” “I..... I'm sorry about today.” Adam took hold of his hand and rubbed his finger comfortingly against it. “Hey, we're okay that's all that matters.” 

“Yeah but...... And this is what I wanted to talk about. Do you ever think about having a family? One that's more than just us?” Adam had actually, “…Yes I have. I know that on Earth I’ve had quite a few babies and I loved them all but…” 

“That was different, you didn’t get a say in that either. But you do get a say in that now. Do you want to have a child with me?” Adam turned to face away from his beloved, this was so embarrassing. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.” Lucifer said supportively, “…I’ve always been curious as to what it’s like to hold life inside you. Ever since the garden.” Huh, Lucifer wasn’t expecting that but he wasn’t judging either. “Do…do you want to become a mother?”

Adam stared deep into his eyes, his own telling nothing but the truth. “Yes, if it’s with you then yes.” Lucifer smiles gently at him and takes his hand. “I would love nothing more than for you to be the mother of my children.” Adam let the tears fall as he kissed and hugged his husband. The two of them at the start of a new chapter in their lives. 

“Just let me know when you're ready okay? And I can make it happen so we can start trying.” Adam blushed, “What about tonight?~” Lucifer flushed as well, “O-okay.” Adam nodded and spread his legs, Lucifer used his magic to give him a vagina and a womb. 

Adam wiggled his hips suggestively, “Come on daddy, make me a mommy.~” Lucifer had never gotten a boner so fast, he practically ripped his clothes off and guided his dick into Adam's new addition. “How do you feel?” Adam made a small noise, “It's different..... But so good.~” They made love for a while and Lucifer emptied his load into Adam, painting his womb white with his seed. 

Adam stared up at him with heart eyes, “I love you so much.” Lucifer placed a chaste kiss on his lips. “I love you too.”

Satan groaned as he scrubbed his face. The past couple of days had been nothing but trying and failing all the suggestions on his sister’s list. He was on his final option, a personal therapist. 

However, he wouldn’t just have him come in once a week, listen to him for an hour, pay him and then fuck off. He needed someone to make sure he stayed calm twenty four seven. Maybe even have him come live with or near him.

But only as a last resort. At the moment he was interviewing different therapists in his home. He was coming at his final candidate and his patience was growing thin.

“NEXT!!!”

He rubbed his temples hearing the doors to his living room open and closed. Little wings fluttered over to him and he heard the candidate clear his voice.

“Excuse me your sinfulness?” 

He opened his eyes and stared down. Almost immediately blushing at the sight of a cute little hybrid demon staring back at him with a gentle expression.

“Hello, my name is Yogirt and I’m here for the interview?” 

Something stirred in Satan something he hadn’t felt in a very long time. 

Satan coughed into his fist, “Right, how experienced are you with dealing with mounts of unpredictable rage?” Yogirt smiled as he explained to him, “It's all about extinguishing the flame before it sets fire to the forest. I can help you become more mindful and recognize when a situation is becoming too much, with rage or other emotions.”

Satan nodded, the guy already had a very calming aura and voice so that was nice.

After they went through the interview Satan came to a conclusion. And it wasn't just because Yogirt was cute. “Alright, I'll give you a trial run of about two weeks to see how we work together.” Yogirt fluttered happily around, “Oh thank you your majesty! You won't be disappointed!”

“Hopefully not. Now about your duties…”

The remainder of the afternoon was spent going over what Yogirt was going to do and what best therapeutic practices would be for Satan. By the time he left that strange feeling was still in Satan’s chest. He wasn’t sure if he liked it.

Satan entered the office with Yogirt by his side. Immediately heading to the break room where he knew his employees would be. He was right there they all were eating snacks, drinking coffee, and conversing with one another.

The office couple was there sitting next to each other and being all lovey dovey. Ugh, it made him sick. 

He clapped his hands once and everyone turned to him. “Listen up chuckle fucks I would like to introduce my newest anger management assistant. He’ll be with me the whole time I am in the office. Making sure I don’t have a stroke or heart attack, so nobody better be making me mad or I swear to father-

“Sir, sir! Remember take deep breaths and count to ten.” Yogirt said placing a calm hand onto his shoulder. He demonstrated and Satan complied. “Everyone clapped already impressed with the small therapist that Satan had.”

“Looks like he's already helping.” Lucifer commented staring at the smaller demon. “So far yes, so you all better treat him with respect.” Everyone nodded and got ready for the day to talk about the newest mission. 

Chapter Text

Adam felt so pumped, what a great fucking day that was! 

“Ooh! I'm so fucking jacked!!” Lucifer smiled, “Well you better stay jacked my darling husband. Because I'm taking you out to dinner tonight at the best place in all of Hell.~” Adam screamed excitedly; “Really!? But that place is always booked!” 

“I saved up a reservation six months in advance.” Lucifer proudly stated puffing his chest out a little. Adam couldn’t help but swoon; “Aw, Luci!” He leaned down to kiss his lips with Lucifer puckering his. However, they were interrupted by their boss.

“Hey, bro bro and bro bro in law how ‘bout after work we get some drinks? Just the three of us?” He said doing finger guns, Lucifer raised a brow. “I thought you're meant to be cutting down your alcohol intake?” The devil rolled his eyes, “Pfft, a couple dozen bears or so never hurt a demon.”

“Uh huh, well be that as it may I’m taking Adam out tonight to that restaurant.” Satan smiled which sounded nice; “Well I can go for a bite to eat.” “No. It is just going to be me and my husband. Not you. You are in no way tagging along. Do you understand?” 

Lucifer stated firmly looking him right in the eye. Satan sighed crossing his arms like a child. “Yes, Captain Buzzkill.” He sulked away as Lucifer groaned. “Sometimes, sometimes I don’t like him.”

“Don’t mind him, darling. Now let’s get home and get ready, I think we even have time to take a shower together.” The first man whispered seductively in his ear. 

Lucifer loved the sound of that, he trailed behind Adam like the lovesick demon he was, he even picked him up at one point and ran home. 

Adam just laughed the whole way.

Satan slumped in his chair, Adam and Lucifer were the only normal ones in the company that he could hang out with that didn't make him want to rip his horns out.

Ever since they got married they have been all about each other.

Which is fine! Satan is happy that his brother found someone who puts up with his short ass.

But still...

Yogirt floated over, “Is everything alright your sinfulness? Do you require any additional assistance before locking up the office?” 

Satan stared at him hopefully, “Actually…can you stay back for a bit? Not to do anything but just to…have a drink, doesn’t have to be alcohol maybe even just grape juice?” Yogirt blushed, “You mean like just to talk?”

“Yeah! If that’s okay with you?” 

The hybrid smiled softly, "I would…love to your highness.” 

So, they did, Satan and Yogirt found some sodas in the work fridge and drank those. “So, tell me about yourself. If you want.” Yogirt held his drink, it looked funny since the cab was half his size. “Not much to tell. I come from a big family and I’m the oldest.” 

Satan chuckled, “Something we have in common.” 

“Here we are my darling!” 

They stood in front of a large building that was absolutely gorgeous. Adam had stars in his eyes, “Oh Luci this is perfect.” 

They went inside and took their seat at the restaurant. Adam couldn’t help but notice a certain theme throughout the restaurant. It was lust. At every table, everyone was indulging themselves with one another. 

However, he didn’t mind it as he turned to pay attention to his sweet Luci. When they reached their table, a server pulled out Adam’s seat and the two sat down. Immediately deciding to stare into each other’s eyes lovingly.

A waitress came up to them and asked, “Excuse me you lovely two, but can I get you off- I mean start you both off with some drinks?”

“Just a bottle of red please.” Lucifer didn’t take his eyes off Adam once. “Be right back handsome.” She left and the two went back to focusing on only one another.

“Oh, Luci. ~”

“Oh, Addy~ I have a special surprise for you here in a few minutes. ~” That piqued his interest, “Oh?” 

Once they got their drinks, Fizz, Ozzie's boyfriend because the sins were the only ones who knew they were dating, came out and talked a few things. “And for entertainment tonight we have the Sin of Pride himself. ~”

Adam gasped, “You're going to sing?” He nodded, “That's right my dove, a song just for you. ~” He grabbed his guitar and kissed Adam before going up on stage. Adam felt so lucky to have him as a husband. 

“This song is dedicated to my wonderful husband. Someone who brings light to my life and a continuing source of inspiration.” He strummed the guitar and began to sing.

 “ I love you; I love you more than I can tell, you make me glad I live in Hell! Yeah, you must be a witch because you placed a special satanic spell over my heart! I’m glad you chose to be on this journey with me, I hope we’ll never be apart, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you-

Suddenly Ozzie came up behind him and started to mock him. “I love you, oh how I love you, Addy!” Lucifer turned confused to see his older brother leering down at him. “You seriously singing a love song in my lustful lounge?” 

Lucifer stared at him irritated, “Don't be a prick, Ozzie.” Ozzie snickered, “Ooou, someone's got balls tonight.” Lucifer turned to him, “I'm trying to do something nice for my husband.” “And I can appreciate that! But it's sooooo sappy, why don't you add something a little more Lustful to it?” 

“..... No. The fact that I'm your brother and you made me make a reservation and said I could sing anything I wanted and are now ruining it isn't helpful.” 

“Pfft, I will make Satan make one if it makes you feel any better.” 

“.... Only a little.” 

“Now try again.” He gestured toward the guitar. Lucifer grumbled but started strumming the guitar again. “I want to…”

Fizz got right up and personal, “Do what? Bondage? Piss play? Rough stuff?” Lucifer smiled, “Make gentle love to you.”

Ozzie and Fizz frowned, “Ew.” 

They tried to take the guitar from him, but Adam had enough and punched Fizz in the face when he upset Lu. “I believe you were singing me a song baby.” Lucifer smiled, “You're right.”

He began to play the guitar again only this with his dove by his side.

“ I love us. I love us just the way we are. Don't have to pretend to like or do things we don't.”

They walked on stage till they were sitting in a chair-like swing. 

“ I've always got you around to laugh at my corny jokes!”

Just then the swing lifted with them still on.

“ I vow to never take you for granted, I swear I'll give you my best, and if you offer the same then we can handle any test. Cause I love you.” 

He stared deeply into the soft golden eyes of his husband. 

“ I love you.” 

Slowly they moved forward until their lips touched one another. A chorus of applause rang throughout the restaurant. However, the couple didn't care for that or others, only each other in the moment.

When they finally released themselves from their loving embrace, they were rudely interrupted by a certain sin. “Aw, isn't that adorable? Truly poetic. Now get out.” Not wanting to cause further drama the couple complied.

Lucifer knew that he'd be hearing about this later and eventually, word would get back to Satan because Ozzie is just a big bitch sometimes. “Tonight was wonderful Luci.” “Really? Even after what happened?” He thought that would ruin it for him. 

Adam held his hand, “Yeah because I will always have your back like I know you have mine. If soulmates exist, I'm sure you're mine.” Lucifer teared up and kissed him. “I know you're mine.”

They went home to have a good rest of their night with more wine, a movie, and lots of sex.

Chapter Text

Adam groggily lifted his head from the porcelain seat. It was three in the morning and the first man had just finished tossing his cookies. His husband was still asleep in their bed as Adam was careful not to wake him up on his way to the bathroom.

When Adam felt as if he was finished he cleaned himself up. While doing so a thought came over him. Could it be? 

Could it actually be that after a month of trying he was…

Adam scrambled to find a test but was unable to. He would just have to get one tomorrow. For now the only place he was heading off to was to his sheets. 

Snuggling right next to his sweet husband and hopefully father of their future baby. 

Adam was more sure that he was pregnant. He was currently at the office and had been sick all day. Not only that but his chest was tingly and itchy, he had to pee a lot of the time, and he was craving apples.

Red apples specifically.

Still he had to make sure. But before he could go on his lunch break and head towards the nearest pharmacy a crazed sinner broke into the office. “Greetings to you all I hope that this is the right place but I am in need of assassins for hire.” 

Satan stepped out of his office when he heard the commotion. The sinner bowed comically, “It is a pleasure to finally meet the Prince of darkness himself, I am the world known inventor Loopty Goopty and I require your assistance.” 

Mammon stared at the now giant hole in their wall. “Satan's ass crack we have a door!” “I'm going to ignore that. What do you need?” Loopty grinned tapping his fingers against themselves. “I need you guys to kill this bastard that was my business partner! 

Lucifer smelled him and cringed, “Ew, did you just fucking die?” 

“Yes!”

Adam threw up because of the smell. Lucifer ran to his side, “You okay?” Adam held onto his stomach, “I think so.” 

Loopty told them his story and why he wanted this guy dead and they took the case. 

Should be easy since the fucker was old now and pretty much on deaths door. They went to earth and found him. 

But before they went in to kill him, cherubs were there trying to save him. Adam recognized one in particular. He growled, “Fucking Cletus the ass plug cherub.” Lucifer squinted at the baby like cherub. “I don't think I know that one.”

“Trust me, you speak to him for two seconds and you'll want to yeet him like a football.” Satan growled and broke through the windows. The cherubs stopped their sermon and stared in horror as the dark being stood up. 

Cletus screamed like a little girl, “ITS SATAN!!!!” The female cherub, Keenie tried not to cry, “THE KING OF HELL!!!!” The lamb angel swooned and fainted right on the spot. 

Satan rolls his eyes, “Thanks for the introduction, now if you don’t mind little angels this man here is mine, now SCATT!”

“W-with all respect your uh.... Wrathfulness..... We're just doing our job.” Cletus trembled before him. Lucifer placed a hand on his hip. “Yeah and we're doing ours. You heard the big guy beat it before we beat you.” 

“Got that right.” Keenie squinted her eyes, “Adam? You ended up in Hell!?” Cletus sighed in disappointment, “Shame, what a waste.” Lucifer growled, “THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY ABOUT MY HUSBAND YOU LITTLE ASS PLUG!?”

He got up and personal with the little pest, pulling on the front of his shirt. Cletus could practically feel the fire coming out of Lucifer's mouth. Adam ran over and placed a calming hand on his shoulder. 

“Babe, babe, babe please don't bother with this shit stain. He isn't worth your energy.” The red in Lucifer's eyes went back to normal as he stared at Adam's pleading face. He turned back to the little angel who was shitting in his diaper. Lucifer growls but throws him down, “Alright, how does it feel to receive mercy from a demon you little bitch?” 

Since Adam was so close to the bed, he got one whiff of the old geezer and puked his guts out. Some of it landing onto Cletus from where he landed on the floor. Lipton groaned, “Please just leave me alone to die.” 

“Oh, so you WANT to die? Well we can lend you a hand with that there pal.” Satan attempted to approach him sharpening his claws as he did so. However, Keenie stood protectively in front of their client. “No! He needs to live to experience the joys of life!”

Lucifer was rubbing Adam's back soothing. “Ooor, he could talk a long walk off a short peer.” Adam swallowed back some bile, “He smells worse than Cletus does.” Cletus got up and shook the puke off. “No thanks to you......”

One withering look from Lucifer again made him shut up and fly to the far end of the bed by the head. “Sir it is this humble demon's sole opinion that you should die.” Lipton hummed in thought, “Well, perhaps you are right hideous little goat thing.” 

“Hey!” 

“There isn't much to live for anyway. I have nothing but my riches to keep me company. And I see nothing in this world that would be worth staying here for.” Keenie turned to him with a fake smile, “Then allow us to show you all the beauty and goodness this world has to offer!”

“If I allow that, will you finally leave?” The only answer he received was his bed being pushed right through the wall. The trio stared at each other once Adam gained his barring's.

“So, were gonna fuck their plan up aren't we?” Satan grinned like a madman, “Does a bear shit in the woods?” 

One of the first places they took the old man was to see the beauty of nature. “I don't want to be here.” “But nature is so beautiful!” Keenie said to him. Adam, Lucifer and Satan came out of the bushes, Adam handed him binoculars. 

“Yes, but it's also cruel.~” 

And he should know.

Lipton watched in horror as bunnies were ripped apart by wolves. The cherubs screamed and covered his eyes moving on. 

They took him to a lovers lane next. “Love cures everything! Especially loneliness.” Cletus nodded to himself. Lipton stared at his lap, he never did experience that in his youth…

Lucifer grinned, he held up a microphone, “HEY YOU HORNY TEENAGERS!! WHICH ONE OF YOU WANTS TO FUCK THIS UGLY OLD MAN!?”

They all drive off faster than anyone could process. 

The next logical step would be to show Lipton the joy of childhood innocence. They went to a local elementary school and watched from a distance as the children enjoyed recess on the playground. Adam couldn't help but smile at it himself, it was reminding him of his own kids.

“See children are a true gift from the lord, maybe if you stay around, you can give them opportunities to help give them a better tomorrow.” Cletus smiled, if this didn’t convince Lipton then he wasn’t sure what would!

“Perhaps...maybe I should.” The cherubs grinned thinking their plan was working. Meanwhile, Satan was staring down at his watch counting down.

“Three...two...one-

The sound of a gunshot sounded out scaring all the children and having them run around crying and screaming while the teachers try and corral them inside where it was safe.

The cherubs and Lipton turned to Satan completely shocked and horrified as the chaos reigned over the school. “Fun fact Lipton the average school shooting in the USA is every eighty-seven hours.” 

That, that couldn’t be true…was it?

“...MOVING ON!” 

No need to stick around…that.

Their final stop on the 'reasons why you should live tour' was an opera. Adam had never been so miserable to hear music in his entire existence. Jazz suddenly wasn't looking so terrible now.

This was their last chance to kill this greedy old sack of prunes, so naturally they ended up killing the singer by having her crushed by a light.

The cherubs had had it with the fallen angels. “THAT DOES IT!! I don't care if you demons are King's of Hell, you heavens rejects will stop!!” Cletus screamed, his face entirely red as Lucifer gave him the finger. “Fuck you!”

The fight broke out and everything was happening before Liptons eyes, if these beings from the otherside cared so much about him living..... Maybe he should live!

He's still filthy rich.

And that was when the cherubs made the move that shot the piano in the air that landed on and killed Lipton.

Satan laughed, “What do you know, you did our job for us.” Cletus stared in shock at the bloody mess that was once Lipton. “WHAT!?” They tried to go back to heaven and plead their case but couldn't. They were locked out.

To make things worse, the demons were gone.

Cletus red in the face yelled out into the night,

 “CURSE YOU SATAN!!!!!”

Chapter Text

Back in the depths of Hell Lucifer was helping Adam onto the couch. The fight though fairly one-sided drained the first man completely. “There we go, just take it easy honey.”

“Mm, Luci?”

“What is it? Do you want me to get you something to drink or eat?”

Adam almost threw up in his mouth at the thought of eating. But he swallowed it down. “No I think that-

Just then Yogirt flew by with Satan's afternoon tea. He stopped to acknowledge the couple. “Hello Mr. Morningstar's.”

“Hey Yogirt do you think you could pour Adam another cup once you've delivered Satan's?”

Yogirt was about to respond when his eyes lingered on Adam's abdomen. After a few seconds, his face brightened. “Oh, my goodness Mr. Morningstar congratulations!”

Lucifer was confused, “Congrats on what?”

“On the baby!”

“...... I haven't officially taken a test yet.” Adam said sheepishly, Yogirt winced. “Oh, my bad.”

Lucifer looked at him, “Are we..... Really? Why didn't you say something I would have gotten on for you.” “I didn't want to get your hopes up in case I was just sick.”

Lucifer conjured up a pregnancy test and handed it over to Adam. “Hopes are already way up.”

Adam never was patient when it came to things like this. He picked up the test and walked out of the bathroom. 

“So?” Lucifer asked both anxious and excited at the same time. Adam smiled, “We're having a baby.”

Lucifer teared up and hugged, “Oh I hope they're tall like you.”

Adam sighed heavily as he finished yet another sheet. Ever since the announcement of his pregnancy he had been placed to strict desk work. Handling only document after document.

If he was being completely honest it was driving Adam completely insane. He hated paperwork, even back in Heaven. Then again that place tended to be nothing BUT paperwork. 

The point was Adam really wanted no NEEDED to get back into the ring. The urge to kill was almost primal. But he knew better than to follow that instinct.

He wasn’t dumb enough to put his baby at risk. Still, he couldn’t wait until the little guy or girl finally arrived. At least he had Bel and Yogirt for company, since they didn’t do the physical aspect of the job.

And since Bel was a doctor he had access to any and all medical advice that he would ever need. Yogirt flew over to him and asked, “How are you feeling today Adam? Did you need anything?”

Adam smiled, “No, I think I'm okay for now.”

On the wall the portal opened, Mammon and Bee walked in after a job well job, Satan and Lucifer were coming when someone shot a net at them. 

“Mam! Close it!”

Adam got up, “No wait!!”

Mammon closed it and Adam ran over to the wall just as it did, he punched the wall repeatedly with tears in his eyes. The sin of greed could only stare awkwardly at the situation and utter the only words that came to mind.

“Ummm…”

“What the fuck are you waiting for!? They're in trouble!” Adam spun around and barked at him. “Look Ad, Satan was dead serious yeah? So-

Adam snarled and grabbed him by the front of his coat. “OPEN THE FUCKING PORTAL NOW!!!”

Damn, as beautiful as his brother in law was he could be downright terrifying. 

“…Yes sir.”

Satan groaned as he finally awoken after what felt like an eternity. Once his eyes adjusted they widened once he realized he was in a cell of some sort. Then it all came back to him, he and Lucifer were kidnapped.

He searched around the cell but found him nowhere to be seen. “Damn it Lucifer where the fuck are you!?”

“Satan? Satan!”

His head swiveled at the familiar voice and found his brother sprawled across the once smaller cell. Weakly calling for his help.

He immediately ran straightaway only to end up smacking into a wall. As it turns out it wasn’t extra room but instead a clear wall to another cell.

Satan banged his heavy fists hard on the glass. “LUCIFER! LUCIFER!”

“Screaming won’t do you any good your royal darkness.” A voice called out from beyond the cells. He turned and saw that it was the same man and woman from earlier.

Satan snarled, his anger bubbling beneath the surface. These fuckers didn't just kidnap an imp or hellhound but the King's of Hell and that was worse. 

“Who the fuck are you!?”

The woman stepped forward, “We'll ask the questions around here! It's not every day that we capture someone as high standing in Hell as you too.”

Lucifer tried not to whimper, it felt like his leg was broken and nothing was healing him. He hasn't felt this weak since his fall and it was a feeling he never wanted to relive.

Looking down, sure enough the done of his femur was sticking out of his leg, golden blood ruining his white suit.

“Why are you killing humans!?” The male human demanded to know. To which Satan replied with, “Go suck your mom's tits!”

Agent One smirked, “Maybe this will make you talk.” He hit a button and Lucifer screamed as electricity.

Satan's eyes went wide, “NOOO!! STOP!!”

He could only pray to himself that they would be able to get out of there. 

Adam looked around and his heart broke. “They aren't here!” 

Bee picked him up and sniffed, “Come on let's go bring them home.” The first man turned fallen angel nodded his head determinely at his sister in law as they proceeded forward.

While the two were busy with their search back in the headquarters of the demon hunting lunatics things were getting heated, and not in a sexy way.

Satan tried to get them to stop hurting his brother. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you!” 

“The fucking damn truth is what we want! Why are you killing humans?!” Agent one asked once more. “To gain money from the sinners are targets managed to piss off!” Agent two regarded his answer with skepticism. “You mean to tell us that the dead are commanding YOU to enact vengeance?” 

“Hey nobody commands Satan BUT Satan!”

The two agents turn away and whisper amongst themselves. “You thinking what I’m thinking?” She inquired from her partner. “There is only one way to finding out the truth from that beast!”

They nod to each other and left the room without saying another word. As soon as they were out of sight Satan turned to Lucifer. “Lucifer? Lucifer!? How are you holding up?”

“I…am…so…fucking….tired.” Lucifer replied weakly, “Well…I hope that you’re still lucid enough to get the fucking lecture of your life! HOW COULD YOU HAVE LET THOSE FUCKING HUMANS CAPTURE YOU!?!??”

Lucifer groaned, “You got captured too......” Satan took a deep breath, “To save you!” “They..... Snuck.... Up on me.....”

He felt so dizzy and all he wanted to do was sleep. Thoughts of Adam and their baby came to mind and he knew he had to live.

For them.

The rooms filled with a green gas and it stunk so bad Satan gagged. “Ugh that stinks.” 

“I.... I hope Adam is okay.....”

He laid his head on the floor, his head was pounding.

Satan groaned and smacked the glass. “That's all you ever fucking talk about! How's Adam? I can't tonight I'm with Adam! I'm so fucking worried about Adam! And he's always FIVE FUCKING FEET AWAY FROM YOU!!! It's pathetic.”

Lucifer winced and glanced up, “That was...... Oddly specific.”

The king of Hell’s eyes widened at that. “Yeah...... Oh fuck me is this shit truth serum?”

Well there was only one way to find out.

“Ask me something.....” Lucifer told his brother, “Okay uhh, does Adam ever top you?” Lucifer couldn’t help but blush madly as a small smile split on his lips. “He did once, oh ew! Why that!?”

Satan laughs, “Ok, ok but seriously I have to know…do you call him mommy?” Lucifer tried his best to keep his mouth shut. However, he was unsuccessful. “…Yes.” Satan ended up rolling on the floor, “I FUCKING KNEW IT!”

“Oh fuck you like you’ve never done that kind of shit with Lilith.”

That got the king of Hell to cease his laughter and glare furiously at him. “Don’t you dare bring her into this!” 

“Then don’t bring Adam into this!”

“I’LL BRING WHOEVER I WANT INTO THIS!!!”

Lucifer felt his entire face scrunch with anger as his face was now more yellow than a banana. “YOU….ARE….SO….FUCKING….CHILDISH!!! This is just like when you were In Heaven!”

Satan opened his mouth to berate him but Lucifer was far from done. “BECAUSE HEAVEN FUCKING FORBID THAT ANYONE CALL YOU OUT AND TELL IT LIKE IT IS UNLESS THEY WANT TO FACE YOUR WRATH!!”

“THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT!!

Lucifer scoffed, “Just because wrathful is what you are doesn't mean that has be your whole personality!!” 

“It's not MY fault!!”

“YES IT IS!! WE GAVE UP EVERYTHING BECAUSE YOU PROMISED US SOMETHING BETTER!! And look where it got us! We could die here Sam!”

Satan tried not to show any emotion to that name. It had been a while since last he’d been called that. “We're not going to fucking die! I won't let you!”

Besides, Adam would revive Satan just to kill him again if anything happened to Lucifer. He was Satan's youngest brother and he loved him but father above he was a pain in the ass.

“...... Sometimes I wish I would have.......”

His vision got swirly and full of color, he heard Satan calling out to him but he passed out.

Only to wake up in the courtroom? And it was all in pastel colors? The fuck?

“Sam? Samael where the fuck are you!?” 

“I do not go by that name anymore!”

Lucifer stared up at the podium and there his brother was dressed in a hellish version of his old robes. Lucifer looked down and found he was wearing his old clothing as well. He touched the rim of his sleeve, he almost forgotten how soft it was…

“I now go by my own name, I call myself…SATAN!”

“….Dude what the fuck are you doing!?”

“Fear not little brother! You are merely tripping balls!”

Lucifer groaned, he must be since Satan doesn't talk like that. He's never done drugs before! 

“Huh, this is interesting. If you're here with me..... I must be your mind too....”

When Satan passed out he was in a dark area that looked like Hell but there was nothing there only dirt.

And then he saw Lucifer dressed in his white suit but his six wings were out and his horns and he was looking down upon him.

“Lucifer!? Why do you look like that?”

And why.... Did he have a crown around his top hat?

Lucifer gave him a rather scatching look, “I am here mostly to give you a dose of reality......... You know that deep down that you look down on me because you know what I could do. That I could rise above you and over throw you, being a better leader than you could ever hope to be.”

He tilted his head to the side and grinned wickedly, it looked so much unlike him and yet it was his face. “And I know you're jealous of what I have. You drive everyone away with that temper of yours. That's why Lily left isn't it?”

Satan roared fire breathing out his mouth as he tried to punch him. However the smaller demon kept flying out of the way and Satan was becoming more erratic. 

Back in Lucifer’s mind he was confronting Satan. “Why do you hurt me so brother? What have I done to earn your resentment?” 

“I know not of the answer you seek.” Samael stated dismissively, however Lucifer would not accept it. “You do though, you are cruel, narcissistic, insecure, insensitive being who will end up all alone if not careful!”

In Satan’s mind

“Face it dear brother you know that you can barely hold a candle to me and my power and it brings out your greatest insecurities. Like how I was proclaimed the angel of light by father himself. That was the real reason for you falling wasn’t it? You simply wanted to prove to dear old daddy that you were worthy of his attention. You thought this was the best course of action.”

“THATS NOT TRUE!”

“Isn’t it Satan?”

Satan felt his stomach drop at the familiar voice. He turned and there in all her glory was his ex wife. 

“You truly are pathetic if you feel threatened by your own baby brother. In fact if Lucifer had been the one to approach me all those years ago I would have agreed to be HIS bride instead. Because his power is unlimited unlike yours. I would never have left him, unlike yourself.” 

Satan covered both of hid ears as he cradled himself between his legs. Mumbling over and over to himself, “This isn’t real, this isn’t real!”

The fake Lilith raised a blonde, trimmed brow, “I'm not real enough for you?”

Yogirt appeared and floated before him. “Is what we have not real either?” 

Lucifer flew closer to his brother until he was right in front of his face. 

“You know if you're not careful you will drive everyone away that's why you won't let us in. Your anger is poison and it even sickened father. You never could handle that I was His favorite, the others as well. Are you afraid that one day I'll have enough and just leave you and take the others with me? You know it's really me they're loyal to.” 

“You just can't admit that you fucked up. You get in your own way.” Lilith laughed.

Satan couldn’t take it anymore as he screamed, “SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!!”

In Lucifer's mind

The sin of pride could no longer keep his emotions bottled up. It was time to truly let out his feelings towards his elder brother.

“You're my big brother, all I ever wanted was for your approval and to appreciate the things I do for you and the company......... Sometimes it feels like you hate me.”

Satan made stairs appear for Lucifer to walk up and he did until he was beside him on his throne. “I've been a jackass, it's true. But I'd like to not be.”

Lucifer really wished it were true.

In the real world, Satan and Lucifer were drooling on the floor with huge puddles near their faces. 

All while Agents One and two were watching through the cameras. Grins on their faces and a bucket of popcorn enjoying the show.

Back with the brothers both their worlds started to shift and collide with one another. Soon both realities became one and they both were once again speaking. 

“Once we escape from this harrowing prison, I promise to you brother I will try and make an effort for not only you...but for my future niece or nephew.” 

Lucifer gave a watery smile, “I appreciate that Satan, and I will do my best to better express my feelings and thoughts to you.”

Satan smiled and hugged his brother tightly. The two of them say nothing but savoring the moment.

Just then there was a sound of someone dropping to the floor, they turned and saw Adam who had a crazed look in his eye. 

“Addy!”

“Luci!”

He ran over and nuzzled him, Adam ruffled the hair Satan had on his head. Adam gasped, “W-what happened to your leg!?” 

“I don't remember.....”

Adam scooped him up, it was a good thing his husband was light. “How did you get here?” Satan asked.

Mammon busted the glass, “Let's hurry before more fuckers show up here, yeah?” 

“Two late freaks!”

The group of demons turned to see both agents standing there with their guns ready to shoot. 

“We sounded the alarm any minute now this place will be packed full of our best guys and gals ready to fill your leathery bodies full of lead.” Agent one said in vain confidence.

Satan raised an eyebrow before stepping forward. Agent two grinned, “Say goodnight prince of-

Satan grabbed her by the head, brought her up to his mouth, and in one single bite chomped it right off. The sound of chewing of bone and flesh filled the room as Satan dropped her headless corpse to the ground.

Agent 1 could only stare in horror at the scene. 

Lucifer wrinkled his nose, “Seriously did you have to do that in front of us?”

Satan swallows before responding, “Sorry I was a bit peckish and she was annoying. I’ll let you have the other one if you want?” He let out a loud burp, “Pardon me.”

Lucifer looked at Agent One who was shaking. “Nah, I don't eat weirdos. But you do deserve a punishment for breaking my fucking leg.”

He snapped his fingers and the other agent exploded into meat confetti. 

“..... Show off.” Mammon mumbled with clear jealously. 

A portal opened and they all went home, it felt better to be in the correct Hell.

Bel had to set Lucifer's leg, he had never screamed so fucking loud and high pitched in his life.

Adam held and shushed him as the cast was put on. “It'll be okay baby.” 

Lucifer just buried his face in Adam's chest, he didn't want people to see him cry.

Satan who had been on the sidelines watching offered his large clawed hand to Lucifer’s much smaller one. Lucifer said nothing but took his brother’s hand. If the sin of pride wasn’t in agonizing amount of pain he would have smiled appreciatively at him.

Chapter Text

For the next three weeks Lucifer was put on strict bed rest until his leg fully healed. He thanked the stars he was an immortal being and couldn’t be too severely injured for a long time. Still Adam stayed by his side, choosing to work at home and take care of his Luci. 

Lucifer was happy that he had Adam as his mate. Soon they would have a complete family.

What this little family didn't suspect was that things were about to become very difficult. Not just for the couple but for all the sins.

The first would be Satan seeing his former bride after so long once more. 

Finally Lucifer was out of his cast and could go back to work. Him and Adam walked into the office hand in hand and sat doing paperwork together. “Good to be back.”

Satan smiled from his office doorway, “Good to have you back.”

It was a slow work day, so everyone was just catching up on all their paperwork.

Satan went and sat down behind his desk, Yogirt sat in the lotus position on his desk. “You seem at peace today sir.” 

Satan smiled, “It's a good day.”

To his right, a portal opened and he nearly choked on his coffee when he saw who walked through. 

“L-Lily?”

Lilith smiled, “Hello Sammy.”

Both Yogirt and Satan were in disbelief. The Queen, well the former Queen of Hell was standing right in front of him. It had been about seven years since he or anyone else for that matter have even spotted her in Hell. 

She left as soon as the divorce was complete and Satan hadn’t seen her since. His head was reeling as he silently wondered why she was here after all this time.

Lilith took her time walking around and observing his office. “Lovely place you got here Sammy. Too bad it’s in the middle of this cesspool.”

Satan narrowed his eyes, “What do you want Lilith?”

“Cutting right to the chase are we? I suppose that’s fine by me. I heard you entered the assassin scene, I need a favor or two. See I’ve made a little name for myself up there on Earth-

“Wait, wait, wait…wait you’ve been on Earth this entire God damn time!?” 

“Yes now listen, I heard you’re good at your little job and I need you to take out a couple of people. They are a threat to my career and I need them gone.

Satan flabbergasted asked, “And what pray tell is this new career of yours!?” Lilith smirks, “Why singing of course, you do know I have a lovely voice.” 

Satan knew for a fact that she did have a lovely voice for singing. “Lilith, lovely voice or not we do jobs for sinners.” 

“I was human once.”

Something didn't feel right about this. “..... You're not just any "sinner". Lilith flipped her long golden hair, “Oh I know, I've always been special.~”

Satan wanted to say no, he really did! But maybe it was all the years they spent together that he didn’t immediately kick her to the curb.

“.... Let me talk to the others.”

Lucifer looked up when Satan came out of his office and looked stressed, what could have happened in ten minutes? 

“Something wrong?”

Satan had left Lilith in his office. “We have a potential client but I wanted your guys input before I agree to the job.” 

Adam wasn’t quite sure already with how his boss framed the wording. 

“Okay?” 

“It’s Lilith.” 

Adam’s eyes darkened at the mention of his ex wife. “What the FUCK is she doing here!?” 

“Like I said, she needs us for a job.”

Adam all but growls out, “Knowing her she probably wants us to do something that will only benefit her and her alone.” Lucifer nodded alongside his husband. “Yeah, doesn’t it seem a bit strange how she just showed up out of nowhere?”

Satan looked awkward as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Well…not nowhere…apparently she,” He sighed, “eft to live on Earth after the divorce.”

Mammon who been lounging on the couch looked down right shocked. “Your shitting us!?”

Satan honestly wished he was, “Nope. Look I know this is a shitty job but she is promising to pay us up front and handsomely. Her new job pays well according to her.”

The sins and Adam looked to each other wondering what should be done. Well, they know what should be done the right thing to do would be to tell Lilith to take a fucking hike. 

“How handsomely?” Lucifer wanted to know how much they were being paid to do her dirty work. Satan showed him the number on a piece of paper and Lucifer whistled.

Okay, that was a good number.

Mammon looked, “Yeah that's fucking good.....” “So you guys will do it?” Satan asked hopefully, he just wanted the job done so she’d leave. 

“Maybe just this once.” Adam made a face, “Will she still be here while you guys are up there?” “Yes, why?”

Yeah, that’s not really going to work for Adam. 

“Mm can I PLEASE go with you? I literally can’t be in the same VICINITY with that, that, that woman who is sooo terrible I can’t think of word that perfectly describes her.” 

Stan brought a hand up to his horns scratching it in thought. “Well I…I guess that’s fine you just can’t do any real work with us. You’d be stuck basically supervising on the sidelines.”

“Would that be okay dove?” 

“Hey as long as it keeps me far away from the grade A cunt then I’m happy.” 

Satan clapped his hands together, “Then alright let’s pack up our shit and head on out!” 

They all dawned their human disguises and went to Earth.

Apparently there were two people that Lilith wanted them to kill. A man and a woman.

They used the company van to drive there and Lucifer put on the AC, the radio, snacks and drinks for Adam.

“Thank you hun.” Lucifer nuzzled his nose, “You're welcome.~” 

From where Mammon sat he gagged, “If you two are done being overly lovey dovey we have cunts to kill.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes and left, they found their targets right away. The former seraphim’s eyes widened as he took in her incredibly familiar appearance. “Umm, we can't kill the woman.”

“Why the hell not?” Satan asked gruffly, “Because she's Verosika Mayday.” 

All three of the demons faces dropped immediately. “Woah, woah, WOAH! Hold up ya cunt! Your telling me one of Ozzie’s top succubi made enemies with Lilith? And now the bitch is expecting us to end her?” 

“…Well I wouldn’t have explained it quite like that but you get my point across.” 

“Ok, alright let’s just calm down and think. Ok, we need the money-

“Yup!” Mammon chimed in, “But we can’t kill the succubus, a Hellborn.” Adam nodded, “Those ARE the rules.” 

“Ok we uh…shit we need a plan. I know Lilith and if it’s only half a job finished then to her it’s practically a no job finished.”

“And we can’t just kill a random human, dress them up like Miss Mayday, and show Lilith the “proof” later as a photo she LIVES on this rock! She’ll know!” Lucifer said putting his own two cents in. 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…this is just a random idea and it probably won’t work but I guess we can always…ask Miss Mayday to stay down in Hell. At least career wise.” Was all the first man could suggest to his employer who appeared to take his words in with consideration.

“That's the best we can do, we can't kill her and maybe she would be open to only singing on earth for shows that have a more..... Lustful intent rather than a monetary one?”

Lucifer shrugged, “It's worth a shot.” 

They went over and pulled the pop star aside. “Well blow me sideways, what do I owe the pleasure of royalty at my show today?~”

So they explained the situation and she sighed, figures that Lilith would put a hit out on her. “If she's put a hit out on me then she's obviously worried she'll lose. If she was so confident in her ability she wouldn't need such a thing, never could handle being second best. Right Adam? We all know who the superior first human is.~”

“Hehe, yeah I like her.” Adam said smirking, “So will you do it?” Lucifer asked with hope in his eyes. 

Verosika sighed, “Yeah fine.”

She could still sell records on earth, that was fine.

Satan just hoped that Lilith would agree to this deal. 

When they finally arrived back in Hell there Lilith was lounging on the couch filing her well manicured claws. She gave her former husband barely a glance before saying, “Good your back, did you finally get rid of the mutt and bratlet?”

Satan all but growled as he stomped his way up towards his ex wife. “Listen up Lilith because I’m only going to say this once. WE as the sins of Hell, do not in any way kill nor harm the Hellborn unless it was a deep offense against us.” 

“You didn’t kill her did you?”

“No but I managed to obtain a deal with-

Lilith groans, “Seriously Satan, I sent you to do one simple job! How hard is it to kill someone far lower than you!” Satan glared, “That's not the fucking point! If we did that there would be no left in Hell Lilith!”

“No refunds. But she won't go to earth anymore so you can win your little contest or whatever.” 

Lucifer was rubbing Adam's shoulders when everyone heard shouting coming from Satan's office. “Yup, she's still a raging cunt.”

Lucifer snorted, “I am so glad I have you as a husband. Having her as an ex....... Well that sounds like true Hell.”

“Trust me it is.”

“UGH your impossible Satan!”

“I’m sorry I’M IMPOSSIBLE!?!? What about you! It’s always been about what you wanted! My previous ventures were what you wanted! I tempted humans for you Lilith and did I receive one single thanks!? NO!” 

“You were my husband it was your job to make me happy!” 

Satan could only stare in disbelief, as if finally at long last the hammer shattered his little fantasy. “…Oh my father.” “What?” She asked dangerously, “You’ve always been like this haven’t you?” Lilith’s eyes narrowed, “Been like what?” 

“Demanding! Controlling! Unsatisfied with what you have! Sweet little brother Jesus how have I not seen this!” 

“Hey! For your information anyone would die for me as a bride!”

“Yeah they’d die after you’d kill them with your incessant demands! You….no wonder Adam was never happy in the garden with you! You lived in literal paradise and yet that wasn’t enough so you took it out on someone who not only was just trying to help you but loved the garden!” 

Lilith’s face scrunched up, “You mind not bringing up the PIG!?” Satan's eyes flashed red. “You will NOT call my brother in law such things!!!”

“Truth hurts! Wait, brother in law? You mean he actually suckered one of your siblings into actually LIKING him!?”

“News flash Lilith, everyone likes Adam, except for you for some fucking reason. And yes, if you must know him and Lucifer are very happily married it's actually adorable.”

Lilith thought for a moment, who was Lucifer again? Wasn't he like their youngest brother? The little one with blonde hair? 

It didn’t matter Lilith only felt sorry he was married to that thing. “Oh please, if anything he has that poor brother of yours under some false delusion that he thinks is love.”

That was it for Satan, he had finally had enough.

“Get out. NOW!!”

He snapped his fingers and a portal appeared. Her fair waving slightly as it tried to suck her in but she stayed firm to the ground.

“…Fine, keep your money Samael see what I care. But you should know that this little venture of yours won’t last without me. Soon those pathetic little vermin you call subjects will be overthrowing your power and will take you down. You thought you have fallen? Well you’re about to fall further.”

Just like that she was out of his office and out of his life once again. 

Satan sighed, “That fucking woman.....” Yogirt fluttered over and admitted a calming aura to help with his King's nerves. “I'm here to help your sinfulness.” Satan smiled, “Thank you.”

He was so thankful for this little guy in his life. 

After all that Satan decided to let everyone go home early for the rest of the day. Stating that after the shit their former queen and sister in law put them through they needed it. 

Currently the two love birds were in their apartment lying on the couch with Adam leaning against Lucifer while the latter rubbed his belly absentmindedly while watching TV.

“I know he's been stressed lately with that bitch coming back...... But hopefully we can just get back into the groove of things.” Adam smiled, “Yeah, there's been so much drama lately.”

Little did they know that more drama was on the horizon. And it would come in the form of a "client" who would want to come between the couple by trying to marry one off to their mutual ex.

Lucifer, Bee, and Mammon were lounging in the break room waiting for Adam and Ozzie to come back with lunch. Lucifer felt a bit uncomfortable with his pregnant husband out there without him. But hopefully his brother will keep his swear to protect him if the need arises.

Then again only a fool would try and cross his husband.

Mammon meanwhile was trying to make conversation with his sister who was on her phone. “You know this morning after my work out I measured my biceps, all muscle baby!” He flexed his pudgy arm to make his point.

“Mhm” She responded not even bothering to even reward him with a glance. 

The door slammed open and in marched Adam who had a murderous look in his eye. After him came Asmodeus who also appeared angry but to a lesser extent. 

Adam practically ripped open the fridge as he grabbed the container of orange juice. They all watched as he poured himself a glass while mumbling incoherent words. Lucifer decided to approach him, “…Honey? What’s the matter?”

Adam looked over to Lucifer and he felt some of his anger melt away. “Ugh! I just bumped into an ex on the way back here with Oz.”

His grip on the juice was very tight, but he chose to drink it aggressively rather than crush it. 

“An ex?”

He knew Adam had dated people before him, but two of them were wives handed to him and Lucifer thought anyone else would be in heaven.

Adam growled, “Yeah, she just went on and on about how she came into a fuck ton of money, been keeping up her workout routine to stay snatched and has a tighter puss.”

Lucifer blinked, “Uh, what?” 

“Every time I see her stupid fucking peepy back stabbing face I just need to AHHH!!” He punched the fridge denting it.

Satan yelled from his office, “QUIET OUT THERE!! I'M ON THE PHONE WITH A CLIENT!!” 

He shook his head going back to the phone. “Sorry about that, hormonal pregnant employee.” 

“No, no it’s fine your highness I understand. As I was saying I wish to discuss business further in ring of greed in my home.”

“Of course, what’s the address again?”

Satan wrote down on a piece of paper and quickly ended the call. Going outside he called for his employees, specifically the office couple. “Gather your things gang we’re going to Greed!”

Mammon was pumped! It had been so long since he last checked the place. “Oh yeah! Bitching! That's my land!”

They all went to Greed and ended up at a very fancy home and Lucifer started to feel sick. “Satan..... Who was the client again? “Just some rich guy from Greed why?”

There was a time when Lucifer wasn't always a part of the company. A friend of his ran the biggest Mafia family crime ring in all of Hell and for a time he helped out. But he missed his family too much and just left without a word.

“Don't tell me.....”

They landed and Crimson was there to greet them. “Welcome come on in! And Lucifer! It's good to see you again old pal.~”

Everyone looked at him and he looked away. They all went inside and sat down. “The fuck are we doing here Crim?” Lucifer crossed his arms and glared at his former boss. Crimson lit a cigar, “Lu, I know it's been a while but you know there's business before dinner.” Satan snorted, “Lucifer and the Mafia? That's fucking rich....... Wait.”

Lining the walls were photos and one of them was of Lucifer and Crimson sealing a deal together. “...... Is this where you ran off to for three years?”

Adam looked at him, “You never told me this before honey.” Lucifer could barely look at his husband as he lowered his head in slight shame. “I don't like to talk about it.....”

Then the front door swung open and in walked the mother of humanity herself, Eve. 

“Hello everyone.~ Oh! It's babe central up in here!”

Adam and Lucifer both stared slack jawed, “EVE!? Wait…”

She went over and hugged both Adam and Lucifer squishing them into her large breasts. “Reunion time!” Adam looked towards his husband for an explanation. “Lu!? Did you date her too!?” 

Lucifer shoved Eve off, “It was a very long time ago.” Eve laughed obnoxiously, the sound grating towards both of their ears. “Yeah but it was such a good time that I couldn’t forget.” 

“Ugh, well I certainly tried”

Eve turned to her first ex who was supporting extra weight. “OMG Adam you’re having a baby!?” “Yup! With my husband!” He said pulling Lucifer closer to him.

“Cool! I mean you always did like to pretend to be the woman in this relationship, and now you really are!”  

She giggled which made Adam want to rip his own ears off. “I hate you so fucking much.” “Aw right back at ya babe!”

She went to touch Lucifer and Adam slapped her hand so hard he hoped it would bruise. “Ouchie!” 

It was then that Crimson decided to intervene, couldn’t have his best money maker getting herself killed. “Okay okay calm down.” 

Just then a maid came into the room, “Dinner is served.”

To say that dinner was tense was an understatement. Satan tapped on his pot roast with his fork, blowing a raspberry with his mouth. “Well this is aggressively uncomfortable.” 

Crimson leaned against the table, his hands neatly folded. “I suppose you want to know why you’re all here.” “Yeah, you know we only go above and kill humans so…… If you want to do business with us-

Crimson scoffed, “I don’t want to do business with AAA, I want to do business with Lucifer.”

Said demon turned to Crimson in disbelief. “What!? Why?” He held Adams hand under the table, he didn’t like this. “It’s what you’d call a…family matter.”

Lucifer hated the way he said it, “Well I ain’t apart of the family no more Crimson so I’m afraid any business you wish to have with me will not happen.” 

Crimson’s face grew dark as he tapped his clawed, scarred finger against the arm of his chair. “I see…well then I guess that’s that!” 

Lucifer faltered for a second, “That’s that?” 

Crimson’s entire attitude flipped it honestly gave Lucifer whip lash. “That’s that! I know better than to piss off a Prince of Hell, just at the very least will you stay the night?”

Lucifer knew he should have said no. He knew that they all should have left…but he just couldn’t. Maybe it was because for a short time Crimson was like a father to him.

Or maybe it was the need to not make him any more upset than he was already. Sighing he nodded his head and agreed. Crimson smiled brightly, “Excellent! I’ll have my men show you to your rooms!” 

With a click of his fingers two men came in and showed them out. Once they were away Crimson’s smile dropped and he had the two by his side and whispered, “I don’t care what it fucking takes but do NOT let Morningstar leave!”

His men nodded in understanding.

Lucifer rubbed his temples, he just had to get through the night and then everything would be back to normal. Adam starred in worry, “You okay Hun?”

Lucifer smiled, “I will be once we leave. It's just more complicated than I'd like..... We went through a lot together, you know? Three years doesn't seem like a lot of time but...... In a weird way he was good to me. He was a father figure when I needed one.”

Adam listened, he knew that on occasion that Lucifer would miss their father above but finding it in someone else he didn't know. “I promise when we get home I'll tell you everything I just ...... I wanted to forget about this part of my life.”

“It's okay baby. Let's get some rest.”

In the middle of the night Lucifer got up to use the restroom, on the way back to his room someone came up behind him. 

“The fuck!?”

He was lifted up and he brought his claws out ready to rip this asshole apart when a needle was injected into his and Lucifer went limp.

When morning came and Adam finally woke up from his long slumber, he was shocked to see his husband absent. “Luci?”

Getting dressed as quickly as possible he made his way to Satan's guest room. After knocking excessively, the door finally opened leading to almost Adam hitting him. “Jeez what's gotten you so agitated?”

“It's Lucifer, he wasn't in our room when I awoke, is he with you?”

Before Satan could respond they heard an alarm as the whole mansion went into lockdown. “What the fuck was that?!” Adam looked around confused and a little scared. 

Satan might now, “I'm not certain...but I have a feeling it might have to do with Lucifer.”

Lucifer groaned, when he woke up he was bound with blessed rope and gagged.

He glared at Crimson and Eve who were putting on the finishing touches to........ A wedding?

The second woman turned to the crime lord with appreciation. “Thank you Crim, you'll be well rewarded for this.~” She went over and caressed Lucifer's cheek. “My new husband.~” She sighed both fondly and possessively.

Adam had to find a way out and get to Lucifer. Mammon was leaning against the walls with his arms crossed. “Yeah, did you know that there's a wedding going on outside?” 

Adam turned and stared at him, “What?” “Yeah, before the windows locked down I saw that Eve chick in a dress..... I think I saw Lu too.”

“.... That does it.”

Adam marched downstairs right to the back exit where the wedding was being held. Two of Crimson's goons were guarding it.

They straightened up when they saw him, “Hey, go back to your room before things get messy mister!” The second one nodded agreeingly. “Yeah, you don't want us to rough up that pretty little face of yours do you?”

“Especially in your condition-

The guard was suddenly being choked, hard. Before the other one could grab his gun or call for backup, he two was grabbed by his neck. He squeezed and squeezed until their faces turned blue and their eyes went bloodshot.

When mercy was finally granted toward them, and they passed out Adam all but threw them against the door. Breaking it open.

As soon as Adam stepped out into the open his blood curdled at the sight of Lucifer tied up at the altar with Eve as the bride. The unwilling groom saw his true bride and felt both relief and fear. He was so glad to see Adam again but he also feared what Crimson would do now that he was here.

“You want my husband?! Well I'm sorry to say but the only damn way you'll get him is killing me first!”

Crimson rolled his eyes and clicked his fingers pointing at the fallen angel. All his boys were standing in front of Adam ready to take him down. Too bad they were up against the first man himself.

Lucifer watched Adam in awe as he single handedly took down all of Crimsons men.

Crimson growled, “SOMEBODY KILL THAT FAT PRICK!!! HE'S PREGNANT AND SLOW KILL HIM!!”

Lucifer glared, if he wasn't tied up he'd strangle the imp boss.

Adam huffed as he killed the last one and marched right up to the altar, his eyes a blaze with firey.

Crimson decided to just let him have him back, it wasn't worth it. Eve couldn’t help but whine about not getting her groom. “Hey!” Adam growled at her, “CRAM IT UP YOUR CUNT WHORE!!”

He grabbed Lucifer and slung in over his shoulder. “This man is MINE!!” He smacked Lucifer on the ass for good measure and stomped away.

Eve looked back and forth from her ruined wedding, to Crimson’s face, to where the couple left. “..... Well I'm out.” No use staying in a burnt up hole. She left and took her money with her.

Adam set Lucifer down and untied him. “Thank you honey, are you okay?” Adam sighed tiredly, “I'm a little out of it to be completely honest. What about you?”

“Someone I once considered to be like a father figure tried to marry me off just because that bitch had money...but I guess the good thing is that he never stopped seeing me as a son since Eve's money had to be "married into the family" as Crimson put it.”

“Oh Luci.” He went in to hug him but was interrupted by Lucifer's two brothers. Mammon grinned at the kidnapped groom and said, “Hey ya cunts! Glad to see ya still in one piece!” Satan glared at his younger brother, the sin of greed really had no clue on how to read a room. 

“Lucifer are you alright? Did Crimson dare hurt you?” “No I... I will be okay, eventually. Now though I just want to go home.” Satan nodded and they all left in silence.

When Adam and Lucifer got home, Lucifer insisted on making dinner for them and when Adam tried to argue all he said was:

“You're six months pregnant and just kicked the shit out of 50 men. Let me make dinner while you sit down and relax okay?”

Adam sighed but agreed, he was tired.

Lucifer finished and came over. “How about breakfast for dinner?” Adam smiled, “Sounds perfect Luci.”

When dinner was ready the couple enjoyed their pancakes and scrambled eggs. Adam and Lucifer tried to make some form of conversation that didn't involve what just happened or anything about Crimson. However, they both found it difficult.

As soon as the meal concluded Adam bit his lip and addressed his husband. “Luci?” “Yes dove?” He said looking up from his plate. “...Remember how you said back at the manor that when we got home, you'd tell me about your history with Crimson?”

“...Do you want me to?” 

“Only if you are comfortable, you've been through a lot today and I don't want to make you feel worse.” Lucifer sighed putting down the dish he was washing and went over to his husband. “It can't be helped; you deserve to know my history and not just what you already know.”

“Okay, how about starting with the why.”

Lucifer nodded before regaining his story, now with an additional take. “..... It was years after the fall and I was pissed at Satan and I missed my father. I was at a low point in my life, I honestly didn't want to exist anymore. I honestly don't even remember what we fought about but Satan and I got into it one day and I walked out.”

Adam listened, he knew that Lucifer and Satan had a complicated relationship as most brothers do.

“I met Crimson at a bar when he was starting out and hiring. I took it on a whim and he treated me like a son and it felt nice for a while. That's also how I met Eve.......... I didn't love her, not like how I love you. We did jobs together and would pass the time off doing...... Each other ........ It was a family and a job that paid really well.”

He cleared his throat, the hard part was coming up and tears formed in his eyes. “I ended things with Eve when she basically left me behind to save her own ass. What was worse, Crimson cared more about the money but that wasn't all surprising.......... He had a family, Addie ......”

“........ Had?” He didn’t like how it was phrased.

Lucifer sniffed, “He had a wife and son, when she tried to leave him........ He cut off her horns and mounted them on the wall before he had me drown her in the lake..... I don't know what happened to his son but I've never seen him since his wife was gone and that was the last fucking job I did for him..... I couldn't take it anymore and went home. My true home....... Satan doesn't even know this......”

Adam wouldn't lie he was beyond horrified and even a bit disgusted. Mostly at Crimson but a little at Lucifer. He wondered what he meant by drown her. 

Was she already dead by the time Lucifer dumped her body into the lake? Or was she still breathing by then? Adam may have done terrible things to terrible people but he never would have hurt someone who is genuinely innocent. 

At the very least he didn’t hurt the kid. Adam would have never spoken to him again if he did. 

He exhaled a long sigh, “Ok, I understand what you did. Doesn’t mean I fully agree but…you are one of the kindest souls I’ve known. You just made a really bad decision.” 

He took his hand gently, “I love you Lucifer and I always will.” Lucifer gave him a watery smile. “I love you too Addy.”

Lucifer was relieved that Adam still loved him, he didn’t know what he’d do if this what broke them.

He wasn’t proud of what he did, it kept him up at night knowing he couldn’t just fake her death and let her go free. Crimson would have found out and Lucifer might be a Prince of Hell that doesn’t mean there arent ways to kill him.

“Is there anything else?” Inquired Adam as Lucifer shook his head. “No……. He thinks I ran out on them but I just wanted my family back. My real family. I-I’m so sorry I wish I could take it back.”

He started to cry, he remembered Natilee she was very kind.

He asked Adam to never tell anyone else, it was his greatest shame that he could never fix. “I promise.”

Chapter Text

When Adam reached the near end of his pregnancy, he was finally off work altogether to be on maternity leave. He was also put on bedrest to keep his blood pressure low.

Which Lucifer was more than okay with. He wanted his husband well taken care of and had his siblings on their days off to watch and care for Adam when he was unable to. Lucifer found himself still a bit anxious and excited as the days went on.

He was anxious when he was not around his husband or when Adam would feel a kick or make any face of discomfort. Always assuming that he was going into labor.

But he was also excited to finally become a father. He can just picture playing with their little one and sharing all sorts of memories. 

Then the day came that Adam finally went into labor, Lucifer swore he was going to have a heart attack he was so excited. 

Bel was there to help with the delivery at the hospital and Lucifer was right by Adam's side.

Lucifer had tears of joy, “We're going to meet our baby soon.” Though he was deep in pain and sweating like a pig Adam smiled at Lucifer. “We are.”

It took 14 hours of labor but soon their baby girl was born, sweet little Charlotte. Lucifer cried as he held her, she was perfect. “She looks exactly like you.” Adam stated.

Satan made a snide little joke saying a DNA test wasn't needed and if Adam was better he'd have slapped him.

Lucifer didn't hear, he was too absorbed in his new daughter and making sure his husband had everything he needed. “She does, what would you like for your after labor meal? Anything you want my love.”

“Mm, a rib sandwich and pineapple mango smoothie sounds pretty good.” Lucifer nodded, “Consider it done.”

He snapped his fingers and a tray appeared with Adam’s requested food. As Adam ate Lucifer fed their daughter. He couldn’t help but feel like he was the luckiest being in all the universe.

When they finally got home from Sloth they were both tired. Lucifer rocked Charlie to sleep and laid her down in the crib by their bed.

He decided to take time off work to help Adam with their new baby. He wanted to be there for every first moment.

He took pictures of her in her crib and sent them in the group chat. “Ready for some sleep my love?” Adam was more than ready. “Yes.” They got into bed and fell asleep. That was until Charlie woke up a few hours later.

Lucifer got up with her and changed her bum and snuggled her until she went back to sleep.

Adam had never felt so energized and happy to go to work in his life. After being cleared for duty by Bel herself he was finally off maternity leave. Lucifer would be staying home with Charlie while he went in but he didn’t mind. 

They both agreed that if one of them were to go to work then one of them had to stay home to look after Charlie. Plus Lucifer really wanted to stay close to his baby. Adam was sure that little baby would soon be a total daddy’s girl.

He inhaled deeply as he took one last time to examine his uniform. Usually he wouldn’t care too much but his appearances. Seeing as how he’ll just be covered in guts and blood soon.

But it was his first day back in office after almost five months of being gone. No harm in making an effort. Smiling at his reflection he went into the kitchen where Lucifer was dancing to the music on the radio and making breakfast. 

All while still holding the baby on his hip.

Making his presence known Lucifer turned and smiled at him brightly. Charlie doing the same thing once she saw her mama. “Morning Hon! Hope you’re hungry cause I made your favorite!”

Adam smiled, “Oh that smells so delicious hon! And how is my little duckling today?” Charlie giggled as Adam gently booped her on the nose.

“You ready for your first day back?” The first man gave a confidant nod. “Born ready.” They all ate breakfast together before Adam had to leave for work. They kissed goodbye.

Adam got a coffee on the way and got to the office where everyone was happy to have him back. Bel smiled as she and her brother in law talked. “How is she?” “Good! Sleeping through the night already.” Bel nodded, “Very good!”

“So, are you and Lu taking turns or is he going to finally accept his role as your male housewife?” Mammon asked rather crudely, Adam gave only a sugary sweet smile before punching him square in the face. Bee laughed from where she was lounging on the couch. “And just like that peace has been restored!”

Soon Satan came out of his office with Yogirt by his side. Who was holding a clipboard. “Morning everyone, good to have you back Adam.” 

“Good to be back boss man!”

Satan rolled his eyes in good nature. “Any way I’ve got everyone’s assignment for today. Bee and Ozzie you get this case of that Mexican guy. Mammon and Levi you two going to Antarctica to kill the assassins who got those scientists. Adam and Bel, you two get a special case.”

“What is it?” Adam asked raising a brow, sounded interesting for his first day back. “According to this client they were a counselor at this summer camp but aren’t sure who it was that murdered them. Only that they knew they were killed. I want you two to find the bastard and put him down.”

Bel who was trying to take a nap snapped her eyes wide open. “Wait, wait, wait, wait….wait! Me!? You want me!? To work an investigation case!?”

Satan sighed, “Bel I know you mainly stay down here to focus on the more slow aspects of the job but we’re stretched thin today. If Lucifer was here he’d go with Adam but he isn’t is he?” 

“Well what about you? Why don’t you go with Adam!?” “Because I already have a case.” Satan explained to his sister. “What’s that?”

“Killing some suburban college girl nothing too big but still.” Bel whined, “Why can’t I have that one?” “Because I said so, now then good luck everyone.”

Everyone used their means of transportation and left. Leaving only the first man and the sin of sloth. 

Adam smiled at his nervous looking sister in law. “Don’t worry this job will be a piece of cake. We’ll find the guy, kill him, then go home. Easy peasy, plus this could give us a chance to bond, just one on one time. Because when was the last time it was just us?”

Bel nodded, “Yeah I guess you're right, I've seen more of your vagina than I have your face...... That came out wrong I delivered your baby girl.” Adam laughed, “I know what you mean.”

They went to Earth and put on human disguises.

Bel blinked slowly looking around, any of these people could be the one they're looking for. “Okay, where did you want to start?”

She had to steal just a little energy from her people, she needed to be at least 50% awake for this job. Adam also took a look around and hummed. “Hmm, since the client was a counselor as well I think our best shot would be to divide with asking the campers he was assigned and some of the other counselors.”

The sin of sloth nodded her head on agreement. “Ok, ok sounds good but which ones should we do?” “Easy you do the counselors I’ll do the…you know what I mean.”

The two split off to find any clues. 

Adam went looking around the campers cabins for anything, there were missing person posters of the counselor that died. “Poor bastard you were only 19.”

Bel went looking around and was going to go to the boat house when she saw some shady looking guy go in.

Could it be that easy? She sure hoped so.

“Hey! Who are you?”

Shit!

An acne stricken teen walked right up to her and stared at her with suspicion. She quickly came up with an excuse. “Oh me? My name's Bel...la Bella. I'm a new counselor.”

The counselor crossed his arms, “Huh weird I wasn’t informed we were receiving any new counselors.”

“Oh yeah me and my…brother actually got in a…late time slot…you know like a waiting list?”

Belphegor sweated as the guy stared at her intensely. His eyes squinted hard as if sensing what she truly was. But then he was back in an up right position with a big smile on his face.

“Alright, if you haven’t already just head down to the main office and they’ll assign you your cabin! Hope to see ya later buddy!” 

Bel let out the longest sigh of relief as the guy finally left. She turned back where the other guy went. She crept towards it being careful not to make a sound as she heard two voices talking. 

“Be careful with that! We can't get paid if you break all of our shit.”

“I'm sorry but it's heavy...... You could help you know.”

Bel peaked in a little and two people, a guy and a girl arguing over where to put their product. One deep sniff and she knew what it was.

Heroine.

But there was something off with the girl, like she wasn't all human. 

“No one saw you right?”

“I took care of it.”

Looking around, she signaled to Adam hoping he would come over.

Unfortunately for her however Adam had gotten a little too invested with his imaginary role. He was currently sitting around a group of younger kids rocking out on an acoustic guitar. Electric was more his style but he still very much enjoyed it.

As he finished his song and the children clapped appreciatively he couldn’t help but smile at them all. He wouldn’t lie even if he had his baby girl and was now a mother. This moment right here reminded him of his children back in the beginning.

He used to play on what was possibly the first ever guitar. They enjoyed the sound it made and when it helped lull them to sleep sometimes. In fact a few of the kids appeared to be getting a little Blinky. He chuckled to himself, “Alright kiddos I think for some of you a snack is in order better head toward the mess hall before the big kids get there first.”

That got the more energetic kids going while the tired ones stayed back. There were only two and he picked them up with ease. They got comfortable within his arms.

“Hey sweetie before you head off to dreamland mind telling me where your cabin is?” “Cabin three…were cabin blue fish.”

Adam smiled and headed straight towards cabin 3. Once he got there and managed to get the door open he placed them on what he hoped was there individual beds. He tucked them in and smiled at their peaceful faces before heading back outside.

It was then that Adam heard a very distinct call. One he knew only Bel would use.

Right.... He wasn't actually a counselor here.

Sighing Adam turned and went in the direction of the call, Bel was near the boat house and waving him over.

Adam went over, “What?” “It's adorable that your fatherly instincts are coming out but there's a time and place okay? I think I found who we're looking for.”

“Really already? Are you sure?” 

Belphegor was sure alright.

“Yes I'm sure. They're loading up a boat full of drugs, the guy has the drill that put a hole in the boat, and they are acting shady as fuck. Plus, I'm pretty sure one of them isn't human.”

“Ok, so what’s the plan?” She pointed at the water, “Underneath the lake house is an opening one of us will have to swim underneath and get the main target while the other stays here and waits for the other to run out. Then grab her and we’ll most likely have to take her back with us.”

“Well you’re going to have to be the swimmer today. I can’t swim that well.”

Bel sighed, she really wished it was Leviathan for this mission. Water was more her forte. But she understood the mission had to be accomplished.

Taking a deep breath she went towards the water and slid right in. But their plan didn't actually go as they wanted it to. Bel snuck out of the water with a knife ready to end the guy.

She did however, slip because fucking water! And they say her.

The girl recognized her.

“Belphegor!?”

Said demon gave her a look, “I'll deal with you in a minute but I need to ice this asshole. He killed out client and now they want us to kill him back.”

The girl turned to him, “You what!?” The guy rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “He saw what we were doing! He could have told! I'm sorry Sandy.”

Sandy wiped a hand down her face, fucking stupid human assholes. “Sorry Belphgor, but I need him.” 

Bel narrowed her eyes, “Well, I need to kill him.”

 “Not gonna fucking happen!” 

The two demons engaged in a fight with Sandy putting up pretty well but still no match for a sin. The lanky guy nervously stepped around the two and tried to make his escape. However, fate or Adam had other plans.

Both girls stopped their roughing when they heard a scream followed by a loud splat. The two turned to see Adam standing in the doorway with his axe going down the middle of the freak.

Sandy’s mouth went agap before her expression turned to that of pure rage. “Satan. Fucking. Damnit! Thanks a lot now I'm out of a fucking job!” 

Bel rolled her eyes, “You can find a new one. Now back to Hell with you.”

A portal opened and they all walked through, Sandy turned back to normal she was a demon from Sloth of the candle on her head indicating anything.

Adam and Bel returned to normal too. Before walking away she tried to approach the other baphomet. “Sandra-

“I don't want to hear it! Haven't you fucked things up enough Bel? Don't, just don't.”

Adam saw how Bel winced and watched the demon walk away. “Do you know her?” Bel looked greatly uncomfortable. “....... Yeah you could say that.....” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Bel shook her head, “No, not right now at least. To be honest I just want to do the damn paperwork and go home.”

Adam nodded and the two headed toward both their desk. Soon the rest came back, both of them had to do a double look because all the fallen angels were in a much different state than they were before they left.

Bee appeared to be in some brown clothed costume with a tail attached. Mammon and Levi were both covered in feathers and blood. And poor Satan looked downright traumatized.

“Fucking...... Monster fuckers and their fucked up porn......”

He was like her ultimate wet dream.

Adam and Bel cringed, they could only imagine what that was like. “Now I'm glad I didn't take that one.”

They all worked on their paperwork in silence before calling it a day.

Adam went home and he was so ready to see Lucifer and Charlie. Opening the door the smell of dinner was in the air, a child's show was on the tv and his husband was dancing and singing with their daughter.

Lucifer turned, “Oh hey honey, how was your first day back?” Adam smiled, “It was great, thanks for asking.”

He went to join his family and already he felt the stress of the day melting away into nothingness.

Chapter Text

Satan sighed as he finally at long last finished up. The once mountain of paperwork now reduced into a flat plateau. He leaned back in his chair, resting his eyes for a bit.

He heard something placed on the table and smiled. He knew that sound anywhere. “I was just about to head back home sir, but here’s a little treat for having such a hard day.”

When he opened his eyes Satan was greeted with his favorite pastry and a cup of hot chocolate. He felt heat rise to his cheeks as he smiled at Yogirt. “Thank you Yogirt, you are dismissed.”

Yogirt bowed his head respectfully before grabbing his bag and heading out. As he did so Satan couldn’t help but bite his lip in thought. There’s been something he’s been meaning to do lately but never quite had the confidence to.

Swallowing hard he called out for him to stop. “Was there something else your highness?” Satan scratched his neck nervously, “No um not exactly and again Yogirt I think we’re over titles by now you can call me just Satan.”

“Well, “just Satan” what did you wish to say?” Satan let out a small chuckle before telling him. “Um…this coming Friday are you doing anything?”

Yogirt shook his head softly, “No, I was just planning on spending the night with my cat and this novel I’ve been meaning to read but never had the chance to.” Satan gulped, “Well there is…that is if you want to…would you like to go out with me?” 

The smaller demon felt his cheeks flush pink. “T, to where Satan?” The devil tapped his fingers against his desk in thought. “Uhhh it’s a surprise!” “Oh! I…I would love to your high- oops! I mean Satan.”

Satan stared at him with wide eyes, he definitely did not expect him to agree. “Y, you would?” 

“Yes, very much so! I’d love to see where you take me and I can’t wait to spend time with you outside a working environment.”

Satan felt his heart pick up harder than it had been in so many years. “I best see myself out but um till tomorrow Satan.”

He bumped into the wall before bashfully making his way out. For a few minutes Satan just sat there completely still. “He, he said yes….He…said…YES!!!”

Satan jumped from his chair and began to dance gleefully around his desk. “He said yes! He said yes! He said yes!”

For the first time in what seemed like forever his cold closed off heart was opening up again and it was all thanks to that little hybrid. 

Then a sudden thought hit him with full force.

“….Oh father above he said yes and I don’t even know where to take him or what we’re doing….holy fucking shit I’m screwed!!!”

Adam hummed happily as he made his way towards the office. His baby in one arm while the other held a bag of important documents his husband forgot to bring with him. 

He smiled and bid all who he saw a good morning. Some even stopping to coo at Charlie. When he made it to their head office he opened it up and was greeted with the sight of Bee burning something.

She turned to him and he was shocked to see the usually vibrant vixen appeared dead tired. “Oh hey Adam, hey mini Luci.”

She then turned back to her task on hand. “Bee what the actual Hell are you doing?” 

“Last night Satan made a few of us stay late to come up with ideas for a date and shot down every single one. And he said that I in no way can go home until I not only come up with something actually good but burn all the rejected ideas.”

She stopped trying not to cry. “There are so damn many of them.” Mammon appeared and dropped off another bag of ideas on paper. “Got another one for ya.”

“FUCK!!!”

Adam’s thoughts got stuck on a certain speck of information. “Wait, Satan has a date?” Bee nodded, “Yeah...... He finally asked out his little therapist.”

“Awww!”

“Don't awww I need a solution!”

Charlie yawned and cuddled into Adam's chest. “Yogirt is from Sloth right? So why not do a date night there and just have it be a relaxing time. Go to the park and have a picnic so they can eat and still enjoy each other's company and have a romantic time when the sun sets and the stars come out?”

“....... I fucking love you.” She now began to cry tears of pure joy.

Lucifer chuckled, “Back off he's mine. Hello love, hello tiny love.~” He kissed both Adam and Charlie.

“Hey Luci I brought you your paperwork.” Lucifer rolled his eyes, “Great…I mean great thank you so much dove, yay more paperwork!” Adam raised a brow in confusion,“You okay?”

Lucifer sighed, “To be completely honest I’m just a little out of it. Satan is going to cause a rampage with his demands on the perfect date.” “Well I think I gave Bee the perfect idea for the perfect date so I think that-

“WHY THE HELL ARE YA’LL STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING!? WHAT IS THIS A FUCKING BIRTHDAY PARTY CMON PEOPLE I NEED IDEAS AND I NEED THEM NOW!”

At that moment Satan came roaring in and if the others weren’t used to it, would be scared. However, Charlie not only being a literal infant was not used to her Uncle Satan’s mighty voice and immediately burst into tears.

“Oh that does it!”

Handing Charlie over to be comforted by her papa. Adam marched right over, grabbed him by the horns, and hauled his giant ass to his personal office.

“WHAT THE FUCK ADAM!!!??” 

Adam all but slammed the door shut before spinning on his heels and glaring at him. “Don't you what the fuck me Satan! You made my baby girl cry you're lucky I don't kick you're fucking ass. Now sit down, shut up, and listen to this date idea or I SWEAR to Christ I will find Yogirt and tell him what an asshole you're being.”

“...... Okay.”

He sat down and Adam told him about the idea. “That...... That could work. But what exactly-

“Satan, this is YOUR date. Pick the place, the food, it'll be fine! I know you want it to be perfect but you're going to make a big mistake somewhere in trying for perfection. Take a breath and relax.” 

“…I’m sorry Adam I, it’s just that this is my first date since…things need to be absolutely one hundred percent perfect.” 

Adam’s expression went soft, “Satan…”

Adam tried reaching out to his brother in law but was interrupted by the intercom. “Sir there’s a client here.” Satan groaned, “Tell them to-

His brother in law interrupted what he was about to say. “To stay there because we’ll be right out.” He clicked off and tried not to roll his eyes at Satan’s pouty face. “Don’t give me that look, you have a business to run! Now go out there and be a fucking boss!”

Satan groaned but complied.

Outside Bee was listening to a cat like sinner go on a bit of a tangent. “You know when I visited my psychic she actually told me that I was going somewhere downright horrid I just thought she was talking about my business trip to Baltimore I didn’t think she meant literal HELL!!!”

Bee was nodding but not really in the mood to listen. “Mhm, mhm oh look the boss himself!” 

Satan gave a strained smile, he knew he was the boss but sometimes he wished he wasn't. Some people were just so annoying. “What's the problem?”

The catlike sinner sat down on a spare chair. “Oookay, from the top. I went to my-

Bee snapped, “No no, skip to the part where you died.” Their client named Rita nodded, “Oh okay. I was killed by the spooky ghost that haunts the hotel.”

It took so much for everyone not to burst out laughing, but mortal souls don't know the difference. “Ma'am. When humans die they either end up down here...... Or up there.” Satan explained as gently as he could to her.

“Oooooh, okay...... I don't understand.”

Lucifer handed Charlie back to Adam, “He's saying Ghosts aren't real lady.” “But that’s not true I was attacked by one, that’s how I died.” Rita insisted, “Ok, let’s say the ghost IS real, what do you want us to do about it? Double kill it?”

“No! Of course not that sounds stupid.” Satan felt his eye twitch from the audacity of this woman. “You need to find the ghost and contain it then finally put its soul to peace. That way it won’t hurt anybody else.”

“…You know you're weird and possibly in the wrong afterlife but I need a distraction after all this date planning has put me through.”

A few scoffs and eye rolls went around the room. “So you got yourself a deal lady.” Rita smiled, “Good, don’t worry about showing evidence I’ll recognize if the job is done by your aura.” 

Satan wanted to roll his eyes but money was money and he could use any distraction he could get. “Lu, you're with me.” The sin of pride could only sigh tiredly. 

“...... Wonderful.”

They opened a portal and put on their human disguises before going into the One Star Wonder. “This place looks like a dump, I feel like I might get hepatitis just looking at it.”

They walked in and there was a balding middle aged man behind the counter. One whiff and Satan knew that there was something wrong with him. Meaning he knew he wasn’t human. 

The man smiled creepily at them, “Hello there young blood my name is Ronaldo and I'm the manager of this fine establishment. I'm assuming you gents would like a room this evening?”

“Um that is correct.” Lucifer told him nervously, “Well, you are in luck because I actually have plenty of vacancy.”

Lucifer could feel it too, he couldn't tell if it was the manager or someone else in the building but there was definitely something not human here. “And the name for the room?”

“Lu-.... Lucas and Sam.”

He nodded and did up the paperwork for their room and handed them the key. At least this place had a free breakfast.

Lucifer grabbed the key and they went looking around. “Something's not right here.” Satan stated eyeing everything with suspicioin. “No kidding, I can feel it.”

Lucifer jumped when he heard a sound. "What was that!?”

“That was the floor creaking because of my feet.”

Lucifer shivered when he felt suddenly cold. “Why am I so cold!?”

“Best guest is because it’s close to winter time and the heater is probably broken.”

Lucifer let out a nervous chuckle, “Heh I really am jumpy for no reason.” He heard his brother sigh. “Lets just focus on what’s important.” 

“Finding an imaginary ghost.” 

“Exactly. But I have a feeling it's not a ghost.” 

“No kidding...... But -

Satan groaned, “Don't tell me you believe in that supernatural bull shit.” “I don't! But this place gives me the fucking creeps.”

They walked for a while and heard sounds coming from a room. Before he could stop him, Lucifer busted into the room.

Where an old couple were.

The older gentlemen screamed at them doing his best to cover up himself and his wife. “Get out! I'll fuck you up! I beat the Nazis I'll beat you up too!”

“RUN SATAN HES A PATRIOT!”

They booked it to the far end of the hall and made a right. When they were sure that nobody was chasing after them they stopped to catch their breaths. Lucifer panted trying to not pass out.

“Ok, I think,” pant. “we need,” pant. “to change gears.” Satan stared at him, “How so?” “We can cover more ground if we split up.”

“Hmm, you may have a point. Plus what the Hell would happen if we split anyway? We attacked by a demon or worse ghost?”

The two shared a laugh as they made a plan to meet back up in an hour and went their separate ways. They went their separate ways not knowing that they were being followed.

Hmmm.... Which one to go after....

Satan didn't know what to be even looking for, ghosts weren't fucking real so there was no point in trying to find any real evidence of one. 

Lucifer sighed, what was he to do now? This place was fucking huge.

Every little bump freaked him out and he didn't like it.

He searched a few vacant rooms hoping to find something. He tried to not let disappointment get to him when he found absolutely nothing.

“Oh what am I doing? Getting myself all worked up over nothing while trying to find a fucking ghost! Bet Adam would have loved this job though, could pretend to be a badass final guy hehe.”

Then as if summoned by saying his name he heard his voice. “Luci?” 

He turned and gasped at the sight. 

“A, Adam?”

Satan scrubbed his large hand over his face trying not to blow a gasket. He had been going room to room in search for something he honestly didn’t know what to look for. He just wanted to go back to the office, clock out, and get ready for his date. 

A date that he still felt nauseous for. That was when he heard a voice call out to him.

“Satan?”

“Yogirt? 

Satan stared at his would be date in clear confusion.

Not understanding why he was even here. “You should be back in Hell.” “I should but I'm not. I'm here with you.~”

He took a couple steps forward but Satan took one back. Yogirt tilted his head, “What’s the matter? Are you scared of your affection for me?” 

“Y, Yogirt-

“Are you afraid to admit you’re falling in love?”

“No!” 

It’s ok, your completely right to be your highness because as if I would ever love a beast like you.

Satan thought he heard his heart crack. “W, what?”

Yogirt tilted his head with a large smile. “You heard me. You really think I would actually want to date someone like you? More like not face your wrath for turning you down.”

Then he laughed and Satan swore the room started melting.

This wasn't real. It couldn't be.

“Y, Yogirt n, no I would never hurt you.” The hybrid only scoffed, “Please, I know how you feel about the lower class. You only see what a person can do for you.”

He fluttered his eyes at him, “And you want me to bend over and let you have your way with me.”

“No! I-

“I am not enough for you…but that’s ok because you’re not enough for me either. Nor any other person that comes into contact with you.

“HE IS NOT WRONG MY SON.”

Satan felt his world stop when he heard his voice.

He shook as he stared up at his creator. “Father please! I had to!”

“NO, YOU WERE ALWAYS DIFFICULT AND WHAT’S WORSE? YOU DRAGGED THE OTHERS DOWN WITH YOU! EVEN MY YOUNGEST, MY TRUE PRIDE AND JOY!! 

Suddenly all seven of his siblings were in front of him. Their eyes wide and glowing as they glared down at him. 

“You took us from paradise.” Mammon’s gruff voice spoke first.

“You forced your ideals onto us.” Asmodeus crossed his arms.

“Everything is terrible because of you.” Bee gave him a look of complete disgust.

“But you wanted this to happen…didn’t you?” Belphegor turned her head away in shame

“No bother trying to deny it~ you wanted us all to forever revel in our miserableness.” Levi smirked as her twin head nodded vigorously.

Lucifer then stepped forward his glare was the darkest of all. “Your ruin everything you touch because not only you hate it when others are happy and your not but because that is simply who you are.” 

Satan fell to the ground as he held his head in between his claws. “Stop it! Stop it! STOP IT!!!!”

His wrath and sorrow were so great that it shattered the illusion and he was back in the hotel alone.

So it wasn't real after all.

“That fucking sucked so much.”

He heard Lucifer scream from the other side of the hotel and his heartbeat quickened.

“LU!! I'M COMING HOLD ON!!” 

Lucifer stared at his husband in complete utter astonishment. “W-what are you doing here? I thought you were home with Charlie?”

Adam only smiled at him but it wasn't the normal warm one that would make Lucifer all warm and fuzzy inside.

This one made him cold somehow.

“Why didn't you show yourself to me? In the garden?” Lucifer felt his heart clench at the memory. It had been so long since he thought about back then. “What!? I-I-I wanted to! You were just so beautiful and I was just shy....”

He swallowed before stepping a foot forward. “Adam the moment I saw you, all I wanted to do was-

“Be a cowardly loser and let the angels decide who I should be with then wait till I come to you thousands of years later and make the first move?” 

Lucifer was horrified, this...... This couldn't really be Adam. He would never speak to him like that..... “I-I-I wanted to!”

“Wanting and doing are two very different things. We could have been together the whole time but you were just a pussy who couldn't get it out.”

He thought he was going to cry, his chest felt tight. “Addie P-please....”

Adam came over and grabbed his wrist making Lucifer wince, it hurt. This….this wasn’t his husband!

“YOU'RE NOT ADAM!! LET ME GO!”

“YOU ARE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A BEING!!! I CANNOT I BELIEVE I CARRIED YOUR SPAWN!!!”

“Let…me….GO!!!” 

Lucifer pushed Adam away and ran, he had to run he didn't know what else to do.

His laughter echoed behind him as he ran, but it was As if he was running in place.

Looking down there was black slick everywhere. Two arms wrapped around him from behind and picked him up. “You're not going anywhere especially when you're so …”

Lucifer felt a tongue lick him and he shivered.

“Delicious.~”

Like the speed of sound Satan soon found his brother. On the floor was Lucifer clawing at something that wasn’t there while crying. Knowing what he had to do he got on top of his brother.

Pinning him down so he couldn’t hurt himself or Satan. Using his power he did his best to silence the voices and turn off the images plaguing the sin of pride.

Lucifer took a shaky breath, his eyes filled with tears and blinked. Everything was going quiet. “S-Sam?”

Satan smiled, “It's okay Lu, it's really me.” He let him go and Lucifer attached himself to him giving him a big hug. “T-thank you Sammy......”

“What are brothers for? Now let’s find the son of a bitch that did this to us.” 

“It had to be one of our kind.” 

“No shit I, I think it’s one of Levi’s.” Lucifer hummed in thought. “A fester demon?” Satan nodded in confirmation. “The one and only.” 

“Who the actual fuck would be stupid enough to try and make us their next meal? They had to have known who we were!” 

“Indeed, and when I get my hands on them I’m going to wring its disgusting little neck!” No one treated the king or a prince of Hell this way and lived to tell the tale. 

“I second that.”

They got up and all the lights started to blow out. Rolando appeared now in his demon form smirking at them. “Oh your majesty, I just couldn't help myself.~”

Satan growled, “You're fucking dead!” Lucifer huffed in agreement. “I'm sure Levi will understand.” 

They chased the fucker down to the pool area but that's exactly where he wanted them. “You can't blame me, when you smell delicious.~ Now, eenie, meanie, minnie, MOE!!”

He tried to jump on Satan but unfortunately the king of Hell wasn’t having it anymore. The second he got even a smidge too close his claws wrapped around his scrawny gill neck.

He was now in his true form growling at the pitiful creature now realizing how weak he was compared to him. “First you dare to attack a king and his prince. Then you have the audacity to try and do it again, and now thanks to you I might be late for my own. Fucking. DATE!!!!”

He stomped his foot twice on the ground on the sin of pride knew what that meant. Grinning he put his hand in the water and they all watched as it started to bubble then very quickly turned to boiling. 

Ronaldo, for the first time in his life felt genuine fear as Satan made his way closer. “Wait, wait, we can talk about this your-AGGGHHHHHHH!!!!”

Slowly as he could, starting from the feet up. He lowered the fester demon into the water. His screams of agony echoed into the night.

When the demon was dead Lucifer clapped Satan on the back. “Come on, you have a date to get to. And just be yourself okay?”

Satan huffed, “What.... What if-

Lucifer took out his wings, no longer white and blue but replaced with red, he flew up to his brother's face. “If he doesn't like you for who you are, then he's not the one for you. Plus, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.”

The devil smiled and they went back home to the office. Satan changed his outfit and Yogirt came fluttering in. “I hope I'm not too late, I got caught up with a patient.” 

Satan stared at his outfit, it was a cute boho short sleeve dress in his usual color. He also had some light makeup on and in all honesty he looked quite nice. “No, you're just in time. Shall we?” Lucifer gave him a thumbs up as they left through the portal. 

That night everything went absolutely perfect for the two. Satan managed to be a true gentleman towards the smaller demon. The two spent the evening talking about simple things.

But to the both of them it was like learning about the other for the very first time.

When the sun went down Satan and Yogirt watched as beautiful sun went down and the pastel sky glowed. Yogirt tried not to yawn as he felt a bit tired. Carefully he maneuvered himself so that he was leaning against the king’s side.

It took everything within Satan to keep calm. When he got ahold of his motor controls again he slowly put his arm around his slender frame. He heard the hybrid hum in content, “Oh Satan this has been one of the best days of my life.”

For Satan the feeling was mutual. The two demons stayed like that for the longest time. Happy for this perfect moment.

Chapter Text

No one knew how bad everything went so fast. One minute the seven deadly sins were doing paperwork the next thing they knew angels from Heaven’s own army were surrounding their building. 

An angel stepped forward and began to read off a scroll. “King Satan and the princes of Hell, you are all hereby arrested for disturbing the peace of the living. Come out peacefully or we will have to bring you down by force.” 

Satan was shocked, he knew this wouldn't end well. He didn't think Heaven was paying that close attention to what they were doing. Mammon grabbed him by the shoulders to make him face him.

“What do we do!?” Satan exhaled knowing exactly what to do.

“Burn everything!! Leave no evidence!”

Bel and Bee got to work of hiding what couldn't be burned.

Lucifer gathered all the paperwork he could and even though he dreamed of burning it he never thought this would be how. He quickly texted Adam, telling him to stay with Charlie and that no matter what happened that he loved them very much.

Outside the angels kept hounding them. “YOU GUYS ARE IN DEEP SHIT!! COME OUT NOW!!”

Leviathan tore up all their costumes and flushed them down the toilet.

Then there was a loud bang in the building, the office filled with Angels that looked similar to exorcist angels but they were men and more heavily armed and well armored. “Freeze criminal scum!”

Seeing as they were outmatched the only thing they could think to do was put their hands up. Soon all seven of them were chained and forced into a portal. 

Satan tried to push back as he was led into a very familiar chamber. “Cmon fellas this is all some kind of giant misunderstanding! If this is about that factory you should know it was already blown up by the time we got there!” 

“SILENCE!”

Satan stopped and stared up at a voice he had not heard in so very long. Micheal stared down at the demon he once called brother as he read off his charges. “King Satan of Hell you and your princes have been charged with breaking the rules of interfering with the living and causing mass death throughout the mortal realm. How do you plead?”

“You've got to be kidding me right? Innocent until proven guilty.”

Lucifer looked up and Michael glared at him, it's been so long since he's seen his twin brother. Never did he imagine it would be like this. Or ever again.

“Then the only course of action is to have a trail for you all. If found guilty, which is VERY likely, you will all be put to death. With you being last Satan.”

“You have got to be shitting me.”

“No, now let the trial begin.”

He flew down right in front of the orb itself. “Show us evidence one through ten.” The court gasped aloud as they all saw the carnage take place in the visage. Satan grimaced that really was not a good look. “Ladies and gentlemen here is clear evidence of the rulers of Hell themselves causing this. What more is there to say?”

Lucifer glared, “How is it any different from what you do!?” 

“SHUT YOUR HOLE!!” 

He waved his hand and a muzzle was placed over Lucifer's mouth. Satan could feel the fire burn inside his mouth.

“HEY!!!” 

“Do you want one too!? Now, let's take a vote. Who wants to kill these Hell spawn and get on with their day?”

Everyone voted except for a few. “Then it's settled, ready the angelic blade we'll start with the youngest.”

Lucifer felt his heart sink, he didn't want to die not when life was finally just getting good. His mind went to Adam and Charlie. He pulled the gag out as the guards grabbed him. “GET OFF ME!!” 

Over with the jury, two seraphs watched deeply conflicted as Lucifer was led to the chopping block. The younger of the two looked towards the older and said, “Mother I... I don't think we should be doing this.”

The taller one nodded, “This could cause more harm than good. But unfortunately, it isn't up to us whether or not he lives or dies.” The younger thought about it before an idea came to her. 

“But there is someone who can stop it.”

Before she knew it the smaller angel created a portal and went straight to the top. The seraph, Emily knew one being that overrode all orders by any of the angels. No matter their ranks.

The Allmighty himself.

Satan tried to break from but the angelic steel cuffs and chains kept him bound as his little brother was forced to kneel.

Lucifer winced as Micheal gripped his hair and forced his head down slamming it with a sickening crack of bone, the sin of Prides bone broke in his face.

Michael looked at Satan coldly, "You did this to them and so must watch what your sinful ways caused.”

Mammon, Leviathan, Bee, Belphgor, and Ozzie couldn't look at their youngest brother who was about to be put to death. But Satan looked, tears in his eyes and Lucifer tears of his own, knowing he'd never see his family again.

Lucifer smiled at Satan, a tear rolled down his cheek: I love you, Sam.

The blade came down but Lucifer felt no pain. Everyone gasped.

Looking up Lucifer also gasped, “F-Father?”

There shining brightly like the sun itself and more was the creator of the universe and all that reside in it himself.

God.

Lucifer and Satan’s father.

He stood before his son and the blade, snapping it away from existence. He turned to Lucifer a soft smile painting his lips.

“HELLO, AGAIN MY SON.”

Micheal stood there flabbergasted. “F, f, father!? What in Heaven’s name are you doing here?!”

“I AM HERE TO SEEK THE ANSWER AS TO WHY I WAS NOT ONLY NOT TOLD OF THIS PROCEEDING BUT WHY YOU WERE ABOUT TO KILL YOUR SIBLINGS?”

Michael shrunk in on himself. “F-Father I was only following the law! They have been going to earth and killing humans for monetary gain!”

He looked around at all the angels who were murmering.

"AND YOU WERE GOING TO KILL THEM IN RETURN!?"

Everyone started to argue that it's what would be done to anyone who broke the law, what made them so special that they were above it?

"SILENCE!"

The room went silent.

He turned to Satan who still couldn't believe his Father was here.

"NOW, I MAY NOT LOVE WHAT YOU DO. BUT YOU'RE STILL MY CHILDREN AND I LOVE YOU."

Though Satan and God’s relationship had soured long ago, hearing those words were something that he didn’t know he needed. “Father I-

"BE STILL MY SON I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MUST HAVE MUCH YOU WISH TO SAY BUT NOW MAY NOT BE THE BEST TIME TO SAY IT. BUT YOU SHOULD KNOW...THAT I MISS YOU AND THAT MY THOUGHTS OFTEN GO TO YOU."

He turned back to Micheal and the court.

"THESE CHILDREN, THOUGH THEY HAVE FALLEN, SHALL BE SET FREE." 

“WHAT?! But Father I-

He was stopped in his tracks by the almighty's fierce gaze.

"DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR ARCHANGEL MICHEAL?"

Reluctantly Micheal finally bowed his head in submission. “Yes...Father.”

With a snap of his fingers, all of the fallen angels were released from their shackles. Relief filled them as they thanked their father for helping them.

"IF YOU TRULY WISH TO THANK ME MY CHILDREN THE BEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IS THINK WISELY IN THE FUTURE. CHOOSE WHICH TRANSGRESSIONS ARE WORTH SEEKING AND WHICH ARE NOT."

Though Satan and the others weren't completely sure what he meant by that they all nodded obediently.

"TILL WE MEET AGAIN MY CHILDREN."

In the blink of an eye, God was gone.

Satan breathed out, it had been so long since he had last seen their father that almost forgotten what he’d looked like.

“...Well I don't know about you guys but I'm ready to blow this popsicle stand.” Lucifer nodded in complete agreement. “Yeah...I just want to see Adam and my baby again.”

A soft gasp could be heard behind them. Lucifer was shocked to see his older sister Sera. “I'm sorry but is the Adam you speak of the first man Adam?”

He was a little confused, didn't they know that Adam was fallen as well? “Umm, yes. We got married actually.”

He held up his ring finger to show the shiny gold band that was there. It made him miss his family all the more. “Why do you ask?” 

“...I had always wondered what happened to him when he fell. Always worried about whether he survived or not. Or if he did, would he live to see another day. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that he would be married to you of all beings.” 

“I, I'm sorry I still don't understand.” 

“I have taken care of the first man and loved him like a mother since his creation, when he first ascended, I claimed him as my son. When he fell...I grieved like any mother would. Please I know I must not ask much from you, but I wish to see Adam, please let me see my baby.”

Lucifer smiled, “Sure, if you want to go to the embassy I'll go home and get him..... Did you want to meet Charlie?”

“Charlie?” 

“Our baby girl.”

Sera thought she might cry, her baby had a baby! 

“I would love that.”

Chapter Text

Lucifer walked into his apartment and called out for his husband. 

“Adam?”

Adam ran right to Lucifer and kissed him. “What the fuck happened!? I was scared half to double death when I got those texts.”

“It's a long story that I can explain later but for now, grab Charlie. We're going to the heaven embassy.” The first man raised a brow in confusion. “What why?”

Lucifer smiled, “Sera really wants to see you.” 

Time had stopped for Adam as he and Lucifer walked into the embassy. Charlie was napping peacefully in her papa's arms. Once signed in, a door opened and Adam knew who resided inside.

Lucifer stared at him concerningly. “Are you okay?” Adam sighed, “You know how I once said that someone used to look out for me up there?”

“She was the one who you talked about.” Lucifer stated in realization.  

Adam nodded trying to not cry, “I, I'm scared Luci. What if she doesn't want anything to do with me once she sees me? To an angel I look like a fucking monster, what if she thinks the same thing?!”

“Addie, baby, she's the one that wanted to see you. She spoke of you in only a tone that conveyed love.” His voice is trying to ease his worries. 

“But-

“Shhh, no buts. It'll be okay.... And if not, then we'll deal with it when we get there. But she still loves you.”

Adam gulped, he had never been so nervous. They walked in and there she was waiting, Sera gasped when she saw him.

Adam waited for the worst.

“My Starlight, it's really you.” 

She held open her arms and Adam ran to her for a hug, crying as she held him. “I'm so happy you're okay.” 

“Adam sobbed, “Mama.” Sera patted his back softly like she did before whenever he was upset. “Shh, it's alright my starlight I've got you, I've got you.”

For the longest time, the two held each other close. It almost seemed like they would never let go. Lucifer couldn't blame either of them if they didn't.

He smiled at the two feeling tears of his own fill his eyes. Sera saw and reached an inviting handout. Lucifer felt his heart swell as he carefully maneuvered into their hug while making sure to not squish his daughter.

“Thank you for taking care of my baby, Lucifer. I was so worried something bad happened to him down there.” The sin of pride smiled at her, “I would rather die than let anything happen to Adam.”

Adam sniffed, “Oh stop.~”

“No.~” 

Charlie giggled, “Mama!” Sera smiled down at the little baby girl. “And who's this little beauty?” 

Adam smiled proudly as he presented his daughter to her. “Mama, this is Charlie.” 

Sera cooed at the baby and used her magic to give her a plushie of a unicorn. Charlie gasped and hugged it to her chest. “She's beautiful.”

“She is indeed...Mama?” 

“Yes?”

Adam bit his lip before he asked his question. “How is Emily?” Sera exhaled as she looked at him both fondly and sadly. “She misses you as well and thinks about you often.” “Do you think I can see her?”

Sera smiled, “I will do my best to let her see you, my starlight. I know she wants her big brother back in her life.”

Adam smiled back, “I can't wait.” 

Adam scurried around the house as he got ready to meet his adoptive sister. He was nervous and excited and felt like he was going to throw up all over the place at the same time. 

There was so much that he wanted to do with her and so little time. He planned to do more than just stay in a stuffy room all day. They would catch up and check his favorite places in all of pride.

He just hoped that she’d be open to it.

The frantic sound of someone knocking on his door made his heart leap and when he answered Emily was there. 

“ADDIE!!”

“EMMY!!”

She hugged him so tight he thought his spine was going to pop but he didn't mind. “I missed you so much!!! Oh I can't wait to catch up and spend the day with you! There's so much to talk about!! But first where is my niece?”

She said craning her head around to catch a glimpse of the baby. “Oh, well Lucifer had the day off today so he took her out for some daddy daughter time. Don’t worry you’ll see her tonight when we get back.”

Emily smiled bright and let her brother lead the way to their first destination.

Their first trip was to a day spa and though it had nothing on the ones up in literal paradise it was still nice.

They even got a matching mani pedi

The next was to Adam’s favorite boutique, it was where he got his iconic fashion sense down here. They went through a few outfits before settling on a pretty blue sun dress with purple flowers on them that reached to her knees. Paired nicely with pure white flats.

They then headed to his favorite arcade where he may or may not have totally beat her butt over zombie slayer three.

All in all they had a great time that day.

To commemorate they headed up to the rooftop of Adam’s apartment building and drank Beelze juice while looking down at the city in the evening. The lights made it look like it shined. It truly was beautiful.

“So, what do you think of my neck of the woods?” He asked turning towards her. “It was great, I especially loved how you handled that guy who tried to grope me.” 

“Hey, no one touches my little sister not on my or mom’s watch. Anyway I’m sorry that you can’t stay longer Em.”

“No, it’s fine they’d be losing their head if I decided to stay longer, including mom.” Adam chuckled, “Hehe fair enough.”

As Emily looked at him she couldn’t help but notice something. He had a radiant look on his face that made her realize he never looked like that in Heaven. Even with his family.

Adam kept droning on all the wonders of his home.“There’s just so much to this place. I’m not just talking about just Pride. I’m talking about the other rings, I think you’d really like Gluttony! Oh and the beaches on envy are just-

“Heh. Yeah it all sounds amazing, it’s no wonder you were never happy in literal Heaven.”

Adam’s excitement turned to shock, “…What?” Emily’s entire body paused when she realized on what she just told him “Sorry that slipped out of my mouth.”

Emily flushed, a little embarrassed and turned away. Adam tried reaching a hand out, “Emmy-

“Adam I..... I just miss you so much and now you have your husband, sweet little girl, this great charmed life...... I guess I just don't see how I fit into it anymore.”

“Hey, you'll always have room in my life.” Emily turned to him, “Not every angel chooses to fall from grace like you did. Your husband and his family were thrown out. But you..... You weren't happy in Heaven....”

Adam sighed, “No.... I wasn't.... It had nothing to do with you or mama it's just..... I couldn't be what they needed me to be. Down here? With Lu and the others? I can be anything and freedom...... It's amazing. But that doesn't mean I don't love you guys any less.” 

Emily sighed, “Honestly Addy today was great it reminded me of back then when he didn’t have worries like this…but you did have worries back in Heaven didn’t you?”

Because if he didn’t then he wouldn’t have fallen. 

“All the damn time.”

“I just wished you were honest about this before…maybe then I could have helped you. That is my job you know, I’m meant to bring joy to all that reside in Heaven.” 

“I don’t think there was anything you could have done differently. To be frank I’m happier here in Hell than my time with Heaven. Doesn’t mean that I’d trade the memories we made but…if I hadn’t have fallen then I wouldn’t have Luci or Charlie.” 

At least her brother found the love of his life down here. “Yeah I suppose that’s true. You know the stories of the seven fallen angels……. I assumed the worst but then I saw them in court and he looked so scared. Now I know it wasn’t because he feared death, he feared never seeing you two again.”

Adam wiped a tear, “Yeah………. Thank you for saving him.” Emily smiled, “You’re welcome.” “And you know, you’re welcome in our home any time. Just let me know so I can have something good ready for dinner.”

That made her giggle. “Call me more? And mama?” Adam nodded, “I promise.”

They hugged before going back down to the apartment where Lucifer and Charlie were just getting back. 

Emily was excited as Lucifer approached his sister in law with the baby. “Remember to support her head like so.”

He had her sitting down on the couch before carefully placing Charlie in her arms. Emily couldn’t help her heart absolutely melt from the sight of the baby. She was absolutely perfect in every single way.

Just like her mama.

Lucifer and Adam watched from a distance. Smiling as their daughter cooed at her aunt as Emily cooed right back.

Emily hugged her brother as they stood in front of the embassy. It was time for her to leave much to the disappointment of both of them. But Adam knew that Emily belonged up there not down here.

“I’ll miss you Addy.” Adam smiled, “Me too Emmy.” Lucifer gave a soft look at the siblings and told Emily, “But know that are welcome in our home anytime. In fact in a month and half is Sinsmas.” 

“You mean Christmas?”

“Mm no, I was hoping your mother would be here but you can tell her that you’re both invited to join us. In fact we have an annual party that we host with the rest of the sins, I’m sure you’d enjoy it.”

Emily’s face brightened as she moved to hug him. “I would love nothing more.”  She knelt down to the stroller where Charlie resided in and gave the baby a tender, loving kiss. “Bye Bye sweetie, see you soon.” 

With that the little family watched as the angel waved goodbye before they both went back to their own homes. 

Chapter Text

Lucifer was so excited for Sinsmas this year, it would be Charlie's first one and he wanted everything to be perfect for their perfect little girl.

So, in true fashion like the sin of Pride that he was, he put a lot of pride into their home for the holiday season.

Adam came out of their bedroom staring at everything deeply impressed. “Wow honey, the place looks great!”

Lucifer beamed, “Thank you my love.~ With this being Charlie's first and your family coming down everything has to be perfect. I even managed to pry that delicious recipe from Bee to make all the best foods from Gluttony. I hope your folks won't mind leaving at least five pounds heavier.”

Adam set Charlie on the ground to crawl around and went to his husband. “Were you up all night?” 

“Is it morning?”

“Yes.” 

“Then I've been up all night.” 

Adam sighed, he loved his husband with all his heart but he really needed to take better care of himself. “Try and get some sleep while I’m at work ok?” 

“Addy, my dear sweet dove, tonight is the night. Everything has to be absolutely perfect when everyone comes over. Especially for your mother and sister.”

Babe trust me you’ve done enough. They are going to love it.

Lucifer sighed tiredly: Perhaps you’re right…wait a minute it’s Sinsmas and I’m the sin of pride! I don’t have to listen to you. This party will be the best damn one that any of them ever dreamed of going to!

Adam gave him a dark look. “Take. A. Nap!” Lucifer gulped, “…Yes sir.” Adam’s face brightened as he gave him a kiss. “Good.” 

He turns around and crouches at the floor clapping to get his daughter’s attention. “Cmon sweetie, come give Mommy a kiss!” Charlie smiled and wiggled her way over. Adam picked her up and gave her a big fat kiss on her red cheek. “Be good for daddy Char.”

He placed her in the playpen making sure her favorite show was on before heading off to work.

In AAA headquarters the entire building was filled to the brim with festive decorations. Each one represents the seven sins. When Adam stepped in everyone was in the holiday spirit.

Belphegor was taking a nap on the couch, snoring quite loudly. She even had a neck pillow and sleeping mask on.

Beelzebub was eating a mountain of fast food in the break room. While drowning herself in as much booze as possible.

Mammon had a bag of money wrapped against chest in an infant carrier. While he greedily counted the money from another bag beside him. 

Leviathan’s two heads were going at with each other. Both snapping at each other about some nonessential stuff that he guessed was who stole what outfit from the other.

Adam couldn’t see Asmodeus or Satan but from what he heard in the bathroom on the way here sounds like Fizz was in the office. That just left the dear old king. He decided to ask Mammon about it, “Hey Mam, where’s the boss?”

He was answered by Satan and Yogirt stumbling out of the office play fighting.

“Your such a butt face!” Yogirt yelled out.

“Well you’re a cute little weirdo!” Satan counter attacked

“You snore all the time!”

“And you smell!”

The smaller demon giggled as they both rolled around the floor. Satan making sure that he was unharmed the whole time. When they finally stopped Satan had Yogirt pinned down as his arms caged him.

The king of Hell moved to kiss but was surprised by a scratch his nose. He opened his eyes to see Yogirt’s claws popped out like a kitten. “Hehe, happy Sinsmas your majesty.”

“Happy Sinsmas Darlin’.”

The two then moved in together for a kiss, a real kiss. Adam had never felt so much joy for his brother as he did now. 

Too bad the moment was ruined by a client.

A large, tall man wearing a hockey mask walked in. “Is this AAA?”

Satan saw the man and maneuvered himself away from his boyfriend and to him. “Yes, that’s correct you looking to hire us?” “Yes, there’s this…fella I need taken care of.”

Adam had a bad feeling about him the moment he walked into the door. “It's this new guy my ex-wife is seeing. It's Christmas and instead of using this time, correctly, she's exposing our children to this new man!” 

“Is it that big a deal?” Adam asked their supposed client. The man sat down on the couch and pulled out his phone. “Of course it is! The bitch probably cheated too, so why does she get to be happy while I'm in literal Hell.”

Satan looked at everyone, it wasn't their job to judge, just execute people. “Well…I suppose since it is Sinsmas and all it would be in the spirit of wrath.”

“Exactly! So get up there and put him in the ground. But do make sure to leave his body for her to find, I have to know what her reaction was! Can you record it?” 

“…Mhm yeah sure whatever buddy your the customer.” It had been a while since he felt true disgust towards a sinner but holy Christ! He turned to Adam and called him over. “Wanna go on a job just us two?” Adam shrugged, “Sure, could be fun.”

And he didn't want to be here with this asshole.

They left through a portal and came to a nice house in the suburbs. Going up to the window Adam paused when he saw the target.

The man and woman were snuggled up on the couch as they watched happily as their children got to open one gift each early. She kissed him and tucked herself under his chin.

They looked so happy.....

He could hear the woman talking to her boyfriend. “I'm so glad I have you, I love you.”

I'm so glad I have you Addie, I love you.

It was then that he could see his own family with Lucifer there in that living room. Adam turned to see Satan had also a conflicted expression. “Satan?” 

“Hmm?” 

“I know it's not our job to make calls about who is guilty and whose innocent...but I don't have a good feeling about doing this one.”

Satan stared at the family for the longest time, and then he stared at the man who made that woman smile. He made those children smile, and he remembered what his father said to him.

“This...isn't worth it.”

Adam nodded already backing away from the window as he had already conjured a portal back to Hell. 

Not everyone they were hired to kill were bad people. Their clients were awful obviously, but the people they killed?

Wasn't always worth it.

They got back to the office and the client asked if the job was done.

They told him yes and kept his money, fuck that guy. For all he'd know the guy went to heaven.

“So, what are you guys doing for Sinsmas this year?” Satan smiled, “Well me and Yogirt were thinking about crashing your party once we were done with his event.” Adam was intrigued, “His event?”

“His parents have invited us for Sinsmas dinner.” Adam leaned close, “Oooh, meeting the parents must be getting quite serious.”

Satan laughed bashfully rubbing his neck. “Yeah, he makes me happy, happier than I've been in so long.” “Good, you deserve it after all the shit that you've gone through.” 

“So do you Adam.” The two smiled at one another, an understanding from both of them.

Cheerful Sinsmas music played on an iPod as all party guests and their hosts mingled in the home of the Morningstar's. The party was in full swing with everyone there in a good mood. 

Emily and Sera were there and trying not to over indulge in all the amazing food that Lucifer made.

He even dared say it was better than Bees.

Bee was too busy stuffing her face to be mad. “Where's Adam?” Lucifer looked around, he didn't see him anywhere. Must have gone to the bathroom. “He must be here somewhere.”

In the bathroom Adam was waiting and when he looked down at the pregnancy test it came back positive.

He knew he was feeling sick and wanted to be sure. Now he knew.

“Shit....”

Though he wasn't upset about the baby he was upset about the timing. It seemed a bit soon to be having another baby, their first wasn't even considered a toddler yet!

Plus, he didn't know what Lucifer would think about it either. Yes, he wanted to fill their home full of their little ones. But would he want another so soon?

He quickly pocketed the test and went straight to his sister.

Lucifer's face brightened at the sight of his husband. “Hey sweetie I was just about to pull out the board games.” Adam smiled at him though it was a bit tight. “That sounds great baby but uh Emily can I talk to you out in the hallway alone?”

Emily raised a brow at the strange tone in his voice but complied with his request. “Sure?”

She followed her brother and soon it was just them. “What's on your mind Addy? You seem a bit troubled.”

Adam shakily breathed out as he showed her the test. Emily gasped excitingly and then she saw his face. "Are you okay?”

He nodded, “Yeah.... I'm nervous to tell Lu..” Emily gave him a reassuring smile. “I'm sure he'll be happy.” “Yeah but.... Charlie isn't even one yet.”

“You have a big family that would be willing to lend you a hand. You should talk to him sweetie.” The fallen angel sighed she was right. “Yeah.... Yeah okay but maybe I'll wait until after the party.”

Emily hugged him and told him it would all be okay and no matter what happens he will always have her and their mom.

They went back in and Adam snuggled into Lucifer's side as they played the game.

Later that night when the evening had finally quieted down and it was just the three of them at long last Adam decided to finally brace the subject.

The two were lying on the couch together watching some holiday movies. Charlie was in her cradle deeply asleep, the apartment still had decorations up as well as a few messes here and there. They figured that they'd leave everything up for a couple of days.

They were too pretty to be bringing them down so soon. 

“Hey Luci?”

“Yeah baby?”

What an ironic choice of words. 

“...How do you feel about having another baby?”

Lucifer chuckled, “Honey you already know that answer I want a bunch of little rugrats.” “Ok but how do you feel about having one in about...nine months from now?”

Lucifer stopped what he was doing and turned to Adam. For a second Adam was scared that he might blow up but then it was as if the sky and its glories had been plastered all over his face. “Oh, my father are you-

Adam nodded, “Just found out.” Adam tried not to yelp as Lucifer was suddenly peppering his belly with kisses. “Oh, Addy you have no idea how happy I am!” 

“Wait, you're not mad?” Lucifer gave him a puzzled look. “Mad? why would I be mad?” “Well, because of the timing.”

“Maybe it might be a little soon, but I'm sure that Charlie would love to have a sibling so close in age. Are you not happy with it? Because if you aren't then I completely understand if you-

“No! no, no, no I want this baby as much as you do. I'm just to be frank with you, a little scared.”

Lucifer placed his hand on Adam's cheek and his husband sighed contently at the warmth it provided, leaning into it. “We'll take it one step at a time my dove I swear by it.” Adam smiled, “I know, with you by my side I know we can handle anything.”

“...Best part is we have a bunch of aunts and uncles who would love to be our babysitters.”

Adam laughed, “Oh Luci.”

“Oh Addy~” 

The End