Chapter Text
Joseph: JONATHAN JOESTAR
Jonathan: ?!!!!
Jonathan: yes!!?
Jotaro: woah what
Josuke: 👀👀👀whats happening
Jolyne: Drama?! Jona never gets into drama?!👀👀
Jotaro: apart from that one thanksgiving
Joseph: no sorry wait
Joseph: JONATHAN “JOHNNY” JOESTAR
Josuke: ahhhh makes sense
Jolyne: What happened
Jonathan: oh dear, Johnny is everything okay
Johnny: 🙁
Joseph: really?!! Again?!
Jotaro: spit it out whats happening bro
Johnny: H
Johnny: hospital
Josuke: AGAIN???💀
Jolyne: BROOOO PLS🪦
Joseph: DAWGGG
Johnny: 🙁
Giorno: whats all the spam for
Jolyne: hey gio, johnnys in hospital again
Giorno: johnny 😭😭
Jonathan: how do you manage
Jonathan: is there anyone there with you?? I can leave work early
Johnny: dont worry joseph is here :>
Joseph: i almost shit my pants when your school called holy shit
Jotaro: what even happened
Johnny: ion wanna talk ab it
Jonathan: oh johnny :(
Josuke: you weren’t trying to do that stupid trick with gyro again were you😮💨😮💨😮💨
Johnny: what no
Johnny: what trick
Johnny: no i did not
Giorno: you’re an awful liar
Johnny: I DID NO SUCH THING
Jolyne: the horseriding one??? Dawg nahhh
Jonathan: sigh.
Johnny: I DIDNTTT I SWEAR THAT WAS ONE TIMEEE.
Jotaro: right…
Joseph: ok yall stop now
Johnny: i just fell off of slow dancer bc fuckin diego messed with the saddle again😒
Johnny: im fine yall
Josuke: WHAT
Johnny: does that count as a murder attempt lol
Joseph: ??!!! YES???
Jotaro: im going to literally kill that guy what are his co ordinates
Johnny: Do not, ill have no one to bully in class
Jonathan: I’ll be having a chat with Dio about this. Are you injured?
Johnny: just a concussion its all good
Jolyne: why did we all come out this way
Jolyne: this is like when Joesph almost got his hand decapitated and tried to walk it off
Johnny: good thing i can’t walk
Josuke: HELPPPPP💀
Jotaro: you were asking for that
Joseph: johnny ily ❤️
Jolyne: iam so sorry i didn’t mean it like that❤️
Johnny: repent by doing my hw and ill forgive you
Jolyne: asshole
Johnny: i am a good role model🙏
Giorno: can confirm
Giorno: i am learing lots🤔
Josuke: johnny you’re the coolest older brother ever
Johnny: yes worship me
Johnny: also do my history homework please
Jonathan: everyone please do not do his work
Johnny: but i cba 🙁
Joseph: oh gyros texting me hes almost here
Joseph: do u want me to leave
Jolyne: oooh la laaaa
Johnny: die
Johnny: no its okay joseph im leaving anyway
Joseph: what
Joseph: where are you going?? I’m in the same room as you i can see you are definitely not moving
Johnny: im going to dreamland, my sweet big brother🕊
Joseph: JOHNNY NO
Joseph: STAY AWAKE
Johnny: see u on the other side
Giorno: What a menace
Jonathan: Joseph do not let him fall asleep please
Joseph: dont worry gyro basically broke the door down and now theyre in a disgustingly cute embrace
Joseph: img.1 [gyro hugging johnny, who jas his middle finger up at the camera]
Josuke: EWWWWW
Jotaro: I hate happy couples😒
Johnny: not a couple
Jotaro: go back to snogging
Johnny: whatevs
Jolyne: wait are you and gryo for real not dating
Jolyne: i thought that was a bit
Josuke: thats what they say but like
Josuke: we all have eyes
Johnny: with my eyes i observed you and okuyasu making out in the geography hall last week
Josuke: WHAT NO
Josuke: how about that time you and gyro literally were spooning on the couch when i got back from school
Johnny: you do not want to play this game with me
Johnny: i have video proof of a little something
Josuke: you wouldn’t.
Jotaro: LMAOOOO
Johnny: jotaro
Johnny: football field, january 18th, 6pm
Jotaro: oh no.
Jotaro: i
Jotaro: i dont know what you mean
Johnny: 🙂
Joseph: stop terrorising our younger brothers joejoe
Johnny: sorry its so fun
Johnny: img.2 [screenshot of johnnys camera roll- it has various folders named after the jojos with blackmail photos]
Johnny: I have blackmail folders on all of you LOL
Jolyne: that is so concerning
Joseph: WHY ARE THERE SOMANY
Jolyne: i forget you’re an asshole tbh youre so polite most of the time
Giorno: he is very polite to me i can confirm
Johnny: thank you Giorno youre my fav nephew ❤️
Joseph: the nurse said we’re free to go
Joseph: see yall at home
Jonathan-Johnny
Jonathan: Hey i just wanted to check in, are you sure you’re okay?
Johnny: i think so
Johnny: sorry for being an ass
Jonathan: not at all, you know we were all teasing
Johnny: yeah :)
Jonathan: please stay safe. Are there any other injuries aside from concussion?
Johnny: apparently i have a sprained ankle but like
Jonathan: right
Jonathan: still, we’ll be careful
Johnny: i dont need you to treat me like glass just coz im in a wheelchair
Jonathan: No not at all!! I only meant that i care for you
Johnny: hhhh sorry i guess im not in a good mood
Johnny: sorry jona, i know, i appreciate that
Jonathan: love you, see you at home x
Giorno: image.3 png. A few jojos all crammed onto the couch, sleeping
-⋆。°✩-
Jotaro: who
Jotaro:img.4 (Joraro's hand holding a broken piece of glass)
Jotaro: who did this
Jolyne: 🤐
Joseph: what even is that
Jotaro: that is my expertly handcrafted limited edition glass paper weight that i payed a ridiculous amount of money for
Jotaro: jolyne.
Jolyne: 🤐
Johnny: yikes
Johnny: at least it looks like a clean break, i can get someone to fix that
Jotaro: when i find you
Jotaro: trust. You will be dealt with.
Johnny: went out shopping with gyro and jonathan and some old lady came up to us and asked if i was their disabled daughter.
Johnny: crying.
Joseph: 😭😭😭
Josuke: its the luscious hair and the long wye lashes
Johnny: im going to defy the laws of nature and kick the next person who walks up to me like that in their balls
Josuke: what if they dint have balls
Johnny: vag kick
Johnny: idc
Johnny: next person is eating shit
Jotaro: how is your concussion
Johnny: its fineeee
Johnny: your paperweight thing, whered you get it from?
Jotaro: ordered it from an online store :(
Johnny: right
Joseph: we'll find the culprit, joot ❤️
Josuke: it was obviously jolyne r u kidding
Jotaro: :( nori helped me pick it out :(
Jonathan: im so sorry Jotaro we will fix it and buy you a new one!!
Jonathan: sorry about the old lady johnny 😭 old people have no chill sometimes
Johnny: how do i fix this
Jolyne: step 1- get good
Johnny: too bad i can't takr steps
Johnny: as i can't walk
Jolyne: 😭😭😭😭😭
Jotaro: again, you dug your own grave there
Josuke: damn.
Johnny: ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Johnny: actually Step one is to loose the Wheelchair
Joseph: whatever you're planning stop rn
Josuke: look ehat you've done… Youve made joseph be responsible
Jolyne: once in a lifetime experience
Joseph: HEY >:(
Joseph: i was responsible when
Joseph: whennn
Jolyne: yeah have a think about that buddy
Jolyne: let us know if you think of something
Josuke: who stole my nail polish
Jolyne: 🤐
Josuke: why are you incapable of staying out of my shit
Jolyne: its such a good brand though
Josuke: yeah and its MINE???
Jolyne: pretty please :(
Josuke: girl this is why you went to juvie😒
Josuke: i'm throwing your ass back in the slammer
Jolyne: i already told yall the charges were fakeeeee
Joseph: I definitely believe you
Jotaro: as do i
Johnny: i have full faith you are completely Innocent
Johnny: gy wants his lipstick back btw
Jolyne: tell him to kiss my ass its mine now
Johnny: 🫡
Jolyne: WHY IS HE CALLING ME HELP HELP HELP
Jolyne: GUYSSSD HOW DIES HE HAVE MY NUMBER
Johnny: sorry sis its the consequences of your actions
Jotaro: you had it coming bitch
Jonathan: what did we say about the b word
Jotaro: no disrespecting women….fine….
Jonathan: Please return your brother's and Gyro’s cosmetic items
Jolyne: fineee :(((
Giorno: narancia wants his lip gloss back
Jolyne: icl i dont remember taking anyones lip gloss
Giorno: Damn.
Joseph: GIOGIO
Giorno: haiii
Joseph: everyones fav nephew
Joseph: ur Like barely online what are you up to
Giorno: nothing in particular
Giorno: im just not chronically online
Joseph: damnn.
Joseph: all of this ohio rizzler gyatt buisness has me dead tbh i cant understand you kids anymore
Joseph: in my day we used to have fart noises and gangnam style
Josuke: ok grandpa
Jolyne: you have GYATT to see this hot lady In my class 🤤
Josuke: thabks i hated that
Johnny: whats the rizzler
Joseph: 😔
Josuke: gyro rizzes you uo if yk what Im saying
Johnny: i do not
Jolyne: moving swiftly on
Johnny: 😒
Jolyne: guys i actually do have a hot woman in my homeroom
Jolyne: shes so fine
Josuke: talk to her
Jolyne: she has green lipstick……..so stylish
Jotaro: 💀
Josuke: whats with joestars and having a thing for green Lipstick
Josuke: first johnny now jolyne
Joseph: its an epidemic
Joseph: jolyne why dont you ask her out
Jolyne: ur so right that way i can stop taking gyros lipstick i can use hers instead
Jolyne: fuck im actually so nervous to approach her though
Giorno: go up to her and ask what shade shes wearing, say it suits her eyes or something
Jolyne: why is my 15 yr old nephew giving me genius advice
Giorno: its how bruno and abbitchio got together
Josuke: ABBITCHIO IM DEAD
Giorno: he deserves it
Giorno: also how pucci tried seducing my dad
Jotaro: ew
Jotaro: how long was dios sentence again
Jonathan: its a while
Jonathan: dont worry about it
Jonathan: i went to see him yesterday, @johnny, he said hed talk to diego
Johnny: I literally dont care ill just beat his ass next time i see him
Joseph: good example to set
Johnny: always
Jolyne: Ive been thinking
Josuke: dangerous…..dont do that…
Jolyne: stfu
Jolyne: ive been thinking. Johnny you and Gyro are like. Broke back mountain
Josuke: HELLLPPPPPPP
Giorno: The gay cowboys???
Johnny: girl what
Johnny: broke back . Wh
Johnny: am i missing context ir simething
Jolyne: giogio said it, the gay cowboys
Johnny: i am not a cowboy
Johnny: gyro is not my boyfriend
Josuke: pls . Pls. Pls.
Johnny: we went on a long race ONCE
Jotaro: televised
Joseph: worldwide
Jolyne: whole world saw yall snuggling
Johnny: i am going to bed bye
Jolyne: its 3 pm
Johnny: 🛌
Josuke: bitchhh
Joseph: Giorno why did i just see your weird little gang tie someone down and perform some sort of ritualistic dance
Giorno: interrogation
Joseph: what.
Giorno: Dont worry about it
Joseph: i am worrying a lot
Giorno: its fine theyre just having fun!!
Jotaro: you might’ve Inherited your dads idea of fun
Giorno: noooo i dont partake in vehicular manslaughter
Giorno: or attempted World domination
Giorno: or aggravated assault and battery
Giorno: or
Jotaro: point taken
Jolyne: GIOGIO JT WORK ED
Jolyne: SHE SAID SHED TAKE ME TO TGE SHOP SHE BUYS HER MAKE UP FORM AFTER SCHOOL
Giorno: :3
Chapter Text
-⋆。°✩-
Jotaro: why Is okuyasu sleeping in our house again
Josuke: why is kakyoin sneaking in through your window every night
Jotaro: 😒
Josuke: we have a school project sooooooo hes staying over so we can finish it
Jotaro: if you two do ANYTHING im immediately whipping out my Nikon Z9 mirrorless camera and handing the evidence over to johnny
Johnny: way ahead of you
Josuke: what dkes that mean
Johnny: ❤️
Josuke: what does that mean.
Jotaro: ive got my eyes and ears peeled
-⋆。°✩-
Johnny: JOLYNE YOU ASSHOLE
Josuke: uh oh
Johnny: YOU WILL PAY
Jolyne: WH!??!
Jolyne: FOR ONCE I ACTUALLY DONT KNOE EHAT YOU MEAN
Johnny: oh my GODDDD
Joseph: lets all calm down here what happened
Johnny: who drew a dick and balls on slow dancer
Johnny: who.
johnny: yall KNOW i wont be able to reach it to clean it properly goddamn
Joseph: i'll help you!!
Johnny: i dont want help i want this to stop happening
Jolyne: joejoe im sorry but it really wasnt me :(
Jolyne: johnny???
Joseph: ill go check on him
Josuke: damn this is not his week :( first the concussion nowthis
Jolyne: the grocery store Old lady too 😕
Joseph: dang :(
Jonathan: Hi all
Josuke: hello jona
Jonathan: when we all get home from School/college i have a surprise for you all ☺️
Josuke: ooooo
Joseph-Jonathan
Joseph: hey Do you know anythjng aboht the slow dancer thing??
Jonathan: i do not, ive been at work all day
Jonathan: surely its got something to do with diego?
Joseph: apparently its not 😭 johnny said diego has nothing to do with it
Jonathan: dang :(
Jonathan: i think for now the best course of action is to just clean up and cheer him up
Joseph: right o
Joseph: any chance of you telling me waht the suprise is? Lolllll 🥺🥺🥺🥺
Jonathan: no ☺️
-⋆。°✩-
Jolyne: WE GOT A FUCKING DOGGGGG LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Josuke: WOOOOOO
Jonathan: im so happy you like Danny 2.0!!
Jotaro: is it really okay to call him that 😭
Jonathan: hmmmm
Josuke: why not something else with a D idk
jolyne: Dio
Jonathan: if your uncle leaves prison and finds out we named a dog after he'd actually kill one of you probably
Jonathan: how about david
Jolyne: im not having a dog with a grown ass man name
Jolyne: how abouttt
Jolyne: uh
Josuke: dexter? Thats a dog name right
Johnny: richard
Johnny: dick for short
Jotaro: HAH.
Jonathan: richard is a lovely name
Jonathan: this reminds me of the name charles dickens
Joseph: All for Charles dickens say Aye
Johnny: aye
Jolyne: aye
Josuke: aye
Giorno: aye
Jotaro: nay tf
joseph: mwaha.
Joseph: seems you are outnumbered >:)
Jonathan: prefect, Charles Dickens It is.
-⋆。°✩-
Johnny: NO
Johnny: THAS NOT ME TH
Joseph: AAHAHAHAHAGGA
Joseph: GUYS LOOK
Johnny: IN GONAN CASTRATE HOU
Josuke: ?!?!?
Jolyne: the day johnny doesn't start shit is the day society advances
Jonathan: what happened 👀
Joseph: Img.5. [the image is blurry, johnny is visibly blushing with his hand trying and failing to cover his face. He has a few visible green kiss marks on his forehead and cheeks]
Jolyne: is that
Jotaro: 💀
Josuke: LMAOOOO YOUR LIPS ARE ALSO GREEN
Joseph: CAUGHT RED HANDED BITCHHH
Johnny: KYS
Jonathan: What a cute picture!!!
Jotaro: look closer
Jonathan: oohhh
Joseph: let me try and get him still
Jolyne: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Jolyne: dang bro was getting it on ig
Josuke: ewww dont say that about our brother hes a loser
Joseph: img.6 [ the picture is blurry again, johnnys hand is no longer at his face, his eyes are averted and brows furrowed. there are more visible lipstick stains, especially on his lips, the corner of his bottom lip is smudged. He is blushing even harder.]
Johnny: STOP ANTAGONIZING ME
Joseph: AHEHAHAHAHABA
Joseph: WHERE DID GYRO SCAMPER OFF TO
Jotaro: i wouldnt speak If i were you, joseph
Johnny: YOY ARE A MANWHOREEEEEE
Jolyne: GELPPP
Josuke: no hes right 😭
Joseph: SO WHAT IVE GOT A HOT BOYFRIEND I CAN DO EHAT I WANT
Jolyne: 🤢🤢🤢
Jonathan: jokes aside that really is a cute photo
Jotaro: (true)
Jotaro: gay ass
Johnny: 😕😕😕😕😕😕
Jolyne: its okay johnny we accept you
Johnny: die
Johnny: we are all gay fym
Joseph: unrue i am bi
Jonathan: i am an ally
Johhny: whatever SLUT
Josuke: literally howd you get your lipsticks so blended thats impressive
Joseph: 🤔
Johnny: whatever shut up
Johnny: friends do that all the time
Jotaro: you are a new level of delusional
Jolyne: I want to be that one day
Joseph: no seriously whete did gyro go he bolted as soon as i opened the door
Josuke: i saw him sprinting down the street just a bit ago
Joseph: oh shit when did you get home
Josuke: like a few mins ago
Johnny: U ready?
Josuke: yah bro
Joseph: for what
Joseph: if yohre going anywhere youd better clean those lipstick marks off
Johnny: shut it. None kf your buisness
Josuke: :p
-⋆。°✩-
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡
Gyro: guys. trouble.
Caesar: did You finally get your ass beat
Will: thank god
Gyro: NO
Gyro: i was giving Johnny a little best friend goodbye kiss after i dropped him off from college
Caesar: youre insufferable
Gyro: WHYYY
Will: i cant stand you youths
Gyro: “youths”
Caesar: 💀
Caesar: when will you ask him out. Its annoying watching you two
Gyro: dude. I havr TRIED
Gyro: he said somethung along the lines of “yes ofcourse we are …best friends”
Gyro: i literally started kissing him square in the lips
Gyro: he asked if it was an italian thing and moved on
Caesar: thats pretty incredible
Will: that is genuinely impressive, yeah
Gyro: im dying.
Caesar: jojo sent me this 💀💀
Caesar: Img.5. [the image is blurry, johnny is visibly blushing with his hand trying and failing to cover his face. He has a few visible green kiss marks on his forehead and cheeks]
Gyro: hffgvbhdhggvvvvvv
Caesar: ew
Caesar: Dawg 😭😭😭 how does he not get it?
Will: i think hes just too awkward to acknowledge your advances
Gyro: im manning up. Im . Asking him out Until he gets what im saying
Caesar: WOOHOOOO
Will: good for you, Gy
-⋆。°✩-
Johnny: trouble
Jolyne: always is, with you
Johnny: not now joly
Jolyne: uh oh serious
Josuke: whats up
Jotaro: kill?
Johnny: me
Jotaro: no
Johnny: someone shoot me in the back of the head
Giorno: mista has a gun
Josuke: Extremely concerning and also illegal
Giorno: haha i was jokinggg
Giorno: uncle johnny what happened
Johnny: gyro
Johnny: asked me out
Jolyne: Wtf i thought this was serious
Johnny: it is. I am
Josuke: this was a long time coming 😭
Joseph: FINALLYYYYY
Johnny: no not good
Jotaro: you…said yes…right?
Johnny: .
Josuke: right?
Jolyne: RIGHT???
Johnny: I . Ran
Johnny: away.
Johnny: well not ran
Johnny: crawl???
Johnny: i left
Josuke: 😟
Joseph: what.
Johnny: i panicked
Jotaro: tell me you're joking
Johnny: hhhhhhh
Josuke: ok first
Josuke: breathe
Josuke: second, think
Josuke: do you not like him? What made you panic
Johnny: What if its a prank
Joseph: i assure you its not a prank
Jotaro: no what-ifs
Joseph: do you like gyro
Johnny: ido
Johnny: i just
Johnny: ehat if hes jist being njce
Johnny: i mean like
Johnny: i canr really
Josuke: :(
Jotaro: we need to get you back in therapy. Damn.
Joseph: not the time, jotaro
Joseph: johnny you there?
Johnny: yea
Johnny: im sorry everyone, I'll talk to the college councillor or somethhrjn
Jotaro: nooo no stay
Jotaro: stay
Johnny: i just feel bleh and i am tired and confused and i want to sleep
Joseph: i am on my way, where are you?
Johnny: don't worry about it you have all done so much already
Johnny: im just gonna go home <3
joseph:....if you're sure
-⋆。°✩-
Jonathan: have you made it back safe johnny?
Jonathan: @johnny
Giorno: hes sleeping rn, he got back half an hour ago!!
Jonathan: ah thank you giorno
Giorno: im chilling In his room finishing up some assignments :)
Jonathan: good to hear!! Get yourself the bean bag or a chair
Jonathan: you'll injure Your back if you keep sitting on the floor
Giorno: 🫡
Joseph: giogio your little gang
Giorno: my friend group yes
Joseph: are they. In the mafia or something
Giorno: no !
Jolyne: Not true i saw them hussle a guy for a baggie of white powder
Giorno: they dont do drugs they're getting rid of them !!
Jolyne: i literally saw you commanding them and shit
Joseph: Are you a Mafia boss giogio😟
Giorno: No, never :(
Giorno: i am simply eradicating the pests infesting the school with their filthy substances
Joseph: eerie
Joseph: that is so eerie and concerning
Joseph: arent you like 15
Giorno: correct
Jolyne: jesus christ
Giorno: are you home? I heard yhe door open
Jolyne: no im still on the bus :(
Jolyne: it might be one of the other jojos??
Joseph: i have a gun under the fourth floorboard from my door if its an intruder
Giorno: why do you own a gun
Joseph: why does mista have one
Giorno: point taken.
Jolyne: who is it???
Giorno: ah
Giorno: gyro
Giorno: i am going to subtly leave johnnys room
Giorno: very subtly
Joseph: niceee
Jotaro: Jose why are you always online
Jotaro: dont you have a job
Joseph: Its BOORINGGGG
Jolyne: bitch you are a grown ass man
Joseph: whatevssss
Jonathan: we are quite fortunate to be well off, Joseph 😅 don't take it for granted
Joseph: sigh
Joseph: fine
-⋆。°✩-
Notes:
comments and kudos are greatly appreciated <3
what are yalls fav jojo parts? mine vary tbh but 7 4 and 5 are up there!! im also enjoying part 9 atm!
Chapter 3
Notes:
sorry for the wait yall- exam season is getting a lil crazy but the jojo grindset never stops
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Johnny: boyfriend acquired
Josuke: WOOHOO
Jolyne: YESSSSSSS
Joseph: LETS GO CELEBRATEE
Jonathan: i am so happy for you!!!!
Joratro: nice
Giorno: <3!!!
Johnny: !
Johnny: cool
Joseph: caesar will finally stop bitching about gyros pining
Josuke: LOOOL
Josuke: NO …..
Josuke: WAIT NO I CANT CALL JOEJOE BITCHLESS ANYMORE
Johnny: >:)
Joseph: im fr we should go out and celebrate
Johnny: im not really feeling it rn sorry yall, you can still go out if youd like
Jotaro: we can arrange it for a different time :)
Josuke: Where. Is. My. Bag.
Jolyne: I know what you're thinking
Josuke: you skank.
Jolyne: but it wasnt me
Josuke: GIVE IT BACK
Jolyne: I CANT BC I DONT HAVE IT
Josuke: WHERE IS IT
Josuke: i LITERALLY need it rn
Josuke: i have been so patient with this bloodline
Jotaro: Josuke no
Jotaro: calm
Josuke: it is time to end it all
Jolyne: LISTENNN TOO MEEEE
Josuke: fine. Go.
Jolyne: Ok so last week when diego was fucking with johnnys saddle i went up to have a little chat with him
Jolyne: after some gentle prompting he admitted that dio asked him to do that
Jolyne: so i went to hot pants and i was like heyy girllll
Jolyne: and she was like omg hi how are you
Jolyne: guys did you know shes getting new demonias im so jelly theyre the cool ones with the thingies
Josuke: youre getting distracted joly 😭
Jolyne: right
Jolyne: and so anyway, she was like yeah no diego hasnt been visiting dio in jail so i was like huh thats strange
Jolyne: and so i was like well ill go investigate elsewhere thanks girl and she was like But i did see this random guy with majestic brown hair And he was dressed in purple and he gave diego a slip of paper
Jolyne: so i was like what. No way.
Jolyne: YALL IT WAS VANILLA ICE 😭😭
Joseph: im so invested
Jolyne: DIOS TRYING TO ASSEMBLE HIS CULT OF WEIRD BOYFRIENDS TO FUCK WITH USSSS
Jolyne: i went and hunted him down and apparently diego was meant to like fully fuck with slown dancer so that johnny had to be hospitalised in need of surgery or whatever and they were planning to steal the money for surgery or whatever
Joseph: literally what the fuck.
Joseph: what the fuck.
Josuke: that is the most insane thing i jave ever read are you making this up
Jolyne: NO😭😭😭
Jolyne: yall dio sent his carnivorous bird to our house and it came though joot's window and broke his paperweight 😭
Jotaro: PET SHOP????
Jotaro: WHAT
Joseph: Are you sure youre nkt making things up this is so insane
Jolyne: i didnt want to say anything because i had no idea what was going on and you werent gonna believe me 😭
Josuke: That is such a round about way of stealing money.?.???? Why does he need money???? He Literally has a cult following
Jolyne: they went broke LOL
johnny: that is the stupidest thing he could have done
Johnny: like comically stupid
Johnny: why is he so dramatic all he had to do was send vanilla ice or diego to rob our house while we were out💀
Jonathan: i am speechleds
Jonathan: i don't know what to say
Johnny: im making fun of him for the rest of time
Giorno: 😟😟😟 ehat did i just read
Giorno: 😭wh
Jotaro: giorno dont become like him i beg
Giorno: i don't think i could replicate that train of thought even if i tried
Joseph: that is so funny in retrospect
Joseph: 😭😭
Jolyne: Pucci Drew a dick and balls on all the horses at the stable bc he didng know which onr wss diegos 😭 he said it was punishment for diego for not completing his task correctly
Johnny: why am i always caught in thr crossfire
Jotaro: im at least glad thats solved 😭
Jolyne: For real
Josuke: yeah!!
Josuke: so…..
Josuke: wheres my bag then
Josuke: jolyne?
Josuke:hello??
Josuke: FUCK
Josuke: YOUD BETTER START RUNNING
Joseph: ☺️ how cute
Notes:
thank you for reading!!! Question of this chapter, what is yalls favourite theme/compositions?? for me, i obviously loveee golden winds osts but i also loveeee part 4's!! i am excited to hear what p7 has in store!!!
Chapter 4
Notes:
im alive (barely) and thriving (lie)
i am here to feed you more jojo slop <3 feast, my creatures.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Giorno: hey guys
Giorno: can i use our basement next week
Joseph: as long as youre not conducting torture down there sure
Joseph: Is your little gang coming along?
Giorno: yes
Jolyne: What no
Jolyne: Fugo cant see me
Jolyne: he'll know i didnt return his mascara
Giorno: !
Giorno: maybe an incentive to return the mascara?
Jolyne: i cant its too good
Josuke: your funeral 🙏 can't wait to attend
Jolyne: go die
Jolyne: (ily though dont die)
Johnny: what are you going to use the basement for?
Giorno: a project
Johnny: vague and slightly threatening
Johnny: cool
Giorno: i'll just need it for monday and friday if that's chill
Jonathan: yes ofcourse!!
Johnny: are we not going to do anything about the dio thing
Joseph: i mean hes already in jail
Josuke: yeahhh but like….
Jotaro: personally i sent him a letter making fun of his actions
Johnny: my hero
-
Joseph: GUYS HELP ME
Joseph: HELP WHY IS THERE A MAN
Joseph: TIED UP IN OJR BASEMENT
Jotaro: What
Jolyne: ??????????
Jotaro: if id have to guess
Jotaro: it would be giornos doing
Joseph: help me i am so scared Im literally going to pee
Joseph: i Heard noises from down there aandi peeked in to see what Was happening
Joseph: theyve got a man fully cable tied to the ceiling
Josuke: man what
Giorno: Hii
Joseph: 😰 hey
Giorno: oh yeah lol sorry abt that guy he wasn't contributing significantly to the project
Jotaro: so you cable tied him to the ceiling?
Giorno: 💁♂️
Joseph: FYM “💁♂️”
Joseph: what even is your project
Giorno: for school
Josuke: That answers literally nothing
Josuke: joseph its for the best you don't pry any further
Giorno: consider it justice
Joseph: bitch are you batman
Jolyne: holy shit LOL
Jolyne: dude just dont kill him ok x
Giorno: yessir
-
Josuke: Guys i have hot goss
Jolyne: omfg
Johnny: cba to respond but know ill be lurking
Jotaro: same 👂
Joseph: IM LOCKED INNN
Josuke: ok so basically you guys know koichi's sort of gf/reformed stalker?
Joseph: the freaky one????
Josuke: yep!! Yukako
Jolyne: didnt she try grilling an alive person last time we invited her to a bbq
Joseph: i feel like the hostage incident was more memorable tbh
Josuke: she did!
Josuke: yeah we do NOT talk about the kidnapping.
Jolyne: 💀
Joseph: 😭😭
Josuke: ok so
Josuke: anyway so shes sort of a diva and an icon despite all of her concerning characteristics
Joseph: im afraid i have to agree
Josuke: RIGHT
josuke: so basically she was having this thing where she thought koichi didn't like her and we were like girll cmon youre fine
Josuke: bc se were like ough we cant have a repeat of last time (incident that shall not be named)
Josuke: And this carried on for a bit and she was like nooo… Im not pretty
Jolyne: WHAT
Jolyne: shes gorg???
Josuke: RIGHTTT
Josuke: ok that was the set up, basically .
Josuke: she showed up a few days ago to school and she looked Like. Ominously Different
Josuke: any guesses?
Joseph: experimental make up?
Jolyne: is she wearing someone else's skin
Josuke: PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!
Jolyne: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Joseph: HUHH
Josuke: AND WE WERE LIKE GIRL HOW. HOW DID YOU GET IT DONE SO FAST HOW DID IG HEAL SO QYICKLY HOW DID YOUR PARENTS AGREE ? LIKEEE
Jolyne: all this over koichi bruh
Josuke: aye thats my boy dont talk shit
Jolyne: im just saying man
Jolyne: imaginr caesar did that over jose
Joseph: hey thats rude
Joseph: but yeah id be mortified
Josuke: 😭 literally
Josuke: koichi freaked tf out and was like whqt the fuck
Josuke: and yukako was like “yess!!! How cute am i!” (She was super cute icel)
Jolyne: theres more to this… i can feel it
josuke: But get this
Josuke: they have a HUGE argument and we basically don't see her for another few days
Josuke: she finally shows up??
Josuke: w her old face ??
Josuke: refusing to elaborate??? She said
Josuke: she LITERALLY said 'i healed’
Joseph: fym healed 😭😭 what the fuck
Josuke: literally. And Shit happened and basically
Josuke: we think she went through some sort of crazy witchcraft spell bc WHAT
Jotaro: Can i input
Josuke: ofc
Jotaro: r u sure you weren't just high
Jolyne: GAGGG
Joseph: CLOCKED
Josuke: FUCK you
Josuke: im SURE
Josuke: Im VERY sure infact because someone. Stole my stash…😒😒😒
Johnny: ❤️
Giorno: interesting
Jolyne: i can't tell what that is a response to And i am worried
Josuke: wait giogio i only smoke weed sometimes haha do not shoot me pls
Josuke: i can stop x don't stick your gang On me
Johnny: what is weed
Jolyne: thats real convincing, joejoe
Giorno: 😭 chill yall
Giorno: im not evil
Giorno: have you SEEN mista
Joseph: true hes a walking weed plant
Jolyne: Not to be mean but i cant tell of thats his BO or if he smokes weed tbh
Giorno: i cant either its okay
Joseph: awesome
Josuke: concerning, actually
Jotaro: Lets not move on from the bitch with the morphing face
Johnny: yeah, wild 😭😭
Johnny: that is less ‘hot goss’ and more ‘terrifying supernatural happening’
Josuke: i swear to yall it happened
Josuke: stay safe out there…
Jolyne: thats acc creepy asf
Jonathan: oh wow
Jonathan: theres a lot of things to respond to here that i dont know where to start
Joseph: ignore ❤️
Jonathan: sigh
Jonathan: ykw. Yeah
-
Jonathan: Dio sends his kind regards from behind bars
Jotaro: What did he actually say
Giorno: “kill yourself before i get the chance to you stupid miserable wretches”
Giorno: amd he told me my hair looked nice
Jotaro: tell him he will rot in the ground forever
Giorno: huh, wow
Giorno: we're acc on our way home now but he said he anticipated this response
Giorno: and he said to say to double check the spice cabinet
Jotaro: what did that motherfucker do
Jotaro: Did he fucking lace the salt or something
jonathan: i am so tired
Jotaro: i'm gonna beat his ass bro
Joseph: whatever the fuck you think hes got going on, trust its 10 times worse
Joseph: leave it for now lil bro
Jotaro: jesus
Jotaro: i hope misfortune Plagues him for eternity
Joseph: real
Joseph: me too bud
Johnny: i can help with that
Jotaro: maybe dont
Jotaro: diego literally attempted assasination on you not so long ago
Johnny: i beat his ass up its fine
Jolyne: can i ask something that may potentially be mildly offensive
Johnny: ya
Jolyne: HOW did you beat him up
Johnny: fist
Johnny: throwable items
Johnny: chair
Jotaro: are you saying you threw your chair at him
Johnny: interpret that however you want
Johnny: point is i beat his ass
Joseph: WOOOOP!!
Jolyne: i genuinely greatly admire you
Johnny: you probably shouldn't
Jotaro: probably
Jotaro: but it happens
Jolyne: btw when is kakyoin coming over next
Jotaro: hes not going to let you borrow any cosmetics.
Jolyne: .
Jolyne: answer my question
Jotaro: …🤨
Jolyne: i just havent seen him in ages💔
Jolyne: its every damn day with josu and oku
Jolyne: my head is starting to melt off
Jotaro: ykw thats fair
Joseph: i actually havent seen avdol and the gang in forever
Jotaro: because he is employed and has a life u freak
Joseph: IM ALSO EMPLOYED ASSHOLE
Jotaro: and also somehow chronically online
Joseph: you hate me for my joy and whimsy
Jotaro: yes
Giorno: hiiii
Joseph: hello my fav nephew ❤️❤️
Giorno: Hello! Would anyone be available to accompany me to a parent teacher meeting? As my own father is
Giorno: busy
Giorno: and this is maybe time sensitive
Jotaro: yes ofcourse
Joseph: yes!!
Joseph: when is it?
Giorno: errrrrrr
Giorno: its now?
Joseph: @Jonathan would you like to go? I am unfortunately employed
Joseph: GioGio if its urgent I can take off of work
Giorno: its only mildly urgent
Josuke: WAIT!!! ME
Josuke: IM IN YOUR SCHOOL AREA
Giorno: if it won't be too much trouble, thanks
Joseph: perf
Giorno: 🫶 thank you josuke
Notes:
do you guys have any favourite jojo poses? hmm,, i loove giorno's diva poses hes so real for doing allthat, and i looove johnnys' !!!
Chapter Text
Josuke: ok so GioGio is suspended
Giorno: </3
Jotaro: !!!!
Jotaro: what happened
Giorno: the guy we attached to the ceiling complained to the staff
Giorno: as if he wasnt acting foolish in the first place
Giorno: absolutely abysmal behaviour
Josuke: i can actually back this up
Josuke: he was there for the meeting and was an absolute prick
Giorno: Josuke is also no longer allowed on the premises
Josuke: </3
Joseph: jesus christ yall
Josuke: i beat him up sorry
Giorno: its okay josuke speak ur truth
Jolyne: hey yall
Jolyne: WHAT LMAO
jolyne: sorry i just caught up on the convo
Jolyne: yea that seems about right
Jolyne: i came in here to say that erina said that jojo is backlogged at work and will come home late today 😭
Josuke: oh dear
Josuke: we should do something nice for him to help him relax before we break the news to him
Joseph: lets cook him a meal!!
Jotaro: i am NOT ingesting anything you cook
Jotaro: and i am NOT letting you in the kitchen
Joseph: relax 😒 ill call caesar over to help
Jotaro:...
Jotaro: fine
Jolyne: YAY
Josuke: YAYYYY
Giorno: 🥳
Johnny: whats happening
Joseph: just go with the flow
Johnny: HURRAH 🥳
Joseph: perfect
----
Jolyne: @josuke come get your man
Jolyne: hes being autistic about basebal stats again
Jolyne: (lovingly)
Josuke: HEY.
Josuke: be nice to him >:(
Jolyne: i reallllly need to get going i have a date and as much as i enjoy being this conversation i am going to be LATEEEE
Josuke: im almost back now
Josuke: you can just leave he wont even notice you go
Johnny: date? 👀
Jolyne: yesssss :3
Jolyne: with hermessss <3
Johnny: ohhhh damn
Johnny: have fun!!
Josuke: not Too much fun..
Jolyne: shut uour homo ass up
Josuke: YOU shut YOUR homo ass up
Johnny: lets all put our homo asses down please
Jolyne: whatevsssss ill update yall laterrrr
Josuke: BYE
Jolyne: Byeeee!!
-
Jonathan: hello all ❤️❤️ i love you all and appreciate you, thank you for the lovely meal! I am sorry i didn't get to say it properly yesterday As i was exhausted. I have Also read the chat log and must ask a few of you to have a chat with me please (im not mad, don't worry ❤️) but first and foremost i want to remind you all of how much you mean to me.
Joseph: love you too so much!!!
Jotaro: preciate you too big guy
Josuke: me too!!
Giorno: me three <3
Jolyne: we love you too jona!!! <3
Johnny: you mean a lot to us too!!
Jonathan: ☺️
Jolyne: sorry not to ruin the moment but i totally bagged a baddie yesterday
Joseph: UPDATE PLS
johnny: u sound like ur on reddit lol
Joseph: why does everyone bully me
Jolyne: so after pucci jumped us We went to thus cuuute lil Cafe
Johny: ok.
Johnny: i feel as if you skipped A scene here
Joseph: queen what.
Josuke: GIRLLLL
Jolyne: ok wait yeah pucci jumped us
Jolyne: but the cafe was sooo cute
Jolyne: and afterwards she showed me the place where she buys her makeup
Josuke: wait that's actually peak
Joseph: helloo??? Go back to pucci jumping you pls??
Jolyne: bro thats Literally self explanatory??
Johnny: ykw hell yeah
Josuke: did u jump him back
Jolyne: Duh
Giorno: i can get abbacchio to pull some strings to get him chucked in the slammer?
Josuke: HELL YEA
Joseph: YEAAAAAH
Giorno: Ill try <3
Passione
Giorno: @abba
Abbacchio: dont fucking speak to me
Bruno: hi giorno <3
Giorno: hello :)
Giorno: abbitchio would you be able to get a guy called pucci behind bars please
Abbacchio: ABBITCHIO?????
Giorno: typo
Mista: LMFAO 💀💀💀
Fugo: sigh.
Bruno: don't start you two
Giorno: i would do it myself but Im already suspended because we “‘tortured'” a guy 😒
Giorno: id rather avoid more hastle
narancia: O shit did u rly get suspended
Narancia: they only told me off!!!
Giorno: hi Nara, yes
Giorno: your school record has taken enough hits, It was simpler to just take one for The team :)
Fugo: man ily
Mista: youre awesome Giogio <3
Giorno: anything for you guys
Giorno: abbitchio can you do me the favour or no
Abbacchio: you absolute fucking pest
Abbacchio: youve got everyone else fooled . But not me.
Giorno: thats not a no
Bruno: be nice, abba
Abbacchio: yeah ok
Abbacchio: fine .
Abbacchio: send me his details in dms or whatever
Trish: lol ur so whipped
-----
Giorno: @Jolyne he will see what he can do 🫡
Jolyne: omg Ur the best
Jolyne: i love your little mafia
Giorno: haha we are just a large friend group <3
Josuke: real actually
Josuke: ive never actually met all of them icl theyre a bit Intimidating
Giorno: really??
Josuke: yeah that emo guy is scary 😭😭
Jolyne: diva with the fierce bob too
jolyne: he gives off fuck around find out vibes
Giorno: josu Dont be afraid of abbacchio hes a whore and a bitch
Josuke: noted
Giorno: and jolyne bruno is super nice!! Hes only mean to evil people
Jolyne: also noted
Josuke: I think mista and okuyasu might get along
Josuke: im not sure if theyve ever actually met
Giorno: oh yeah, im not sure either actually
Giorno: how is okuyasu these days?
Josuke: good!! Hes getting by
Jotaro: ur bitch ass always talking aboht someone being bi
Josuke: 😭
Jotaro: oh i misread
Josuke: man. What did i do to you to deserve this
Jotaro: sorry joseph pissed me off earlier
Jolyne: icl you're always pissed off
Jotaro: Because one of you is always on my fucking nerves
Josuke: Christ
Josuke: what crawled up your ass and died
Jolyne: kakyoin
Josuke: HAH
Jotaro: do NOT start with me
Josuke: YOU started wirh ME ?????
Giorno: mmmmm dont fight
Giorno: jonathan is already ‘not mad, but disappointed and concerned’ with you
Josuke: .
Josuke: good point.
Josuke: Ill get u next time..
Jotaro: jolyne youre next
Jolyne: NO
Jolyne: pls i love u
Jolyne: you wont actually do anything 😘
Jotaro: yeah ill be fr i was just bored
Jolyne: menace
Jonathan: dont fight eachother physically please, It it must be done do it outside
Jonathan: Johnnys not been online for a while, has anyone seen him?
Giorno: nope
Jonathan: He has mail but i cannot find him :((
Joseph: MAIL???
Joseph: 👀👀👀
Jonathan: down
Jonathan: Not for you
Joseph: 💔
Jolyne: ooooh mailll….
Jonathan: not for you either, Do not pry into his mail please
Josuke: actually yeah Where has be been
Joseph: oh wait sorry hes probably at the Zeppelis’
Jonathan: @johnny are you alive
Johnny: no sorry i died
Jonathan: oh dear
Joseph: u have mail bitch
Joseph: come open It
Johnny: wait what
Johnny: tell them Im not here
Jonathan: ?
Jonathan: tell who
Johnny: im not handing over anything
Joseph: im
Jolyne: are you being hunted by someone 😭???
Johnny: im NOT giving them ANYTHING
Jonathan: what Is happening johnny
Joseph: its just a letter bro theyre nkt gonna get u twin ur safe bro fr
Johnny: oh a letter??
Johnny: yeah idgaf Open it
Jolyne: YES
Joseph: YESSSSS
Jonathan: 😕 sigh
Jonathan: okay
Joseph: WWHATIS JTTT
josuke: WAIT WHAT
Jolyne: MAIL REVEAL
Jonathan: oh!! Its an invite to participate in a horse race!
Joseph: YOOOOO
Josuke: joejoe thats amazing!!!
Johnny: yea bin it lol
Joseph: :O?
Johnny: you can bin it im not going
Joseph: whyyyy!!!!! Pls..give me an excuse to Get off work
Johnny: yeah no after sbr I need to Never race publicly again thanks
Jolyne: ykw i cant argue with that
Jonathan: yes, fair enough- although i will set it aside instead of binning it
Josuke: yeahhh dude thats valid
Josuke: hows gyro
Josuke: youve been spending sm time At the Zeppelis..
Johnny: hes fine
Johnny: annoying as fuck
Jolyne: brokeback mountain ass
Johnny: GO AWAY
Jolyne: NEVERRRR
Josuke: LMAO
Johnny: what are YOU laughing at
Josuke: YOU LOL
Johnny: Tonio's, 6.30pm, february 13th
Josuke: wait no
Josuke: i take it back lol
Johnny: lol indeed..
Josuke: 😕 i forgot youre a freak
Johnny: a fatal error
Jolyne: you walked right into that broski
Josuke: broski???
Josuke: what year are we in bitch
Jolyne: go away
Jolyne: youre jealous i bagged a baddie and you didnt
Josuke: well
Johnny: 🤨
Josuke: ok.
Josuke: if i refute you Johnny will start being evil wirh his blackmail folders
Josuke: illback down- But know you havent won.
Jolyne: sounds like eempty Threats from a sore loser 😎
Notes:
hey yall, do you have a particular jojo duo that you think is underappreciated? i cant think of one off the top of my head but i do love kakyoin and Avdol!! theyre besties fr
Chapter 6
Notes:
Helllooooo! Sorry if the formatting is odd i am uploading on my ohone 😞😞 i bring you more jojo slop <3
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jolyne: HELP
Jolyne: CODE REDDDD
Johnny: ??????
Jolyne: I MISTOOK JOSUKE FOR JOSEPH
Joseph: genuinely how the fuck
Jolyne: HE HAD HIS HAIR DOW N
Jolyne: HEL
Jolyne: HWSGINA KILL ME
Jotaro: good grief
Jotaro: they have completely different hair colours, how did you even manage that
Johnny: Oh wait guys i saw him just now
Johnny: she has a point
Jotaro: no she does not tf
Jotaro: oh
Jotaro: yeah ok she does
Joseph: ?????
Joseph: what the hell yall
Joseph: i do not look like my sixteen year old brother
Joseph: i am a grown ass man
Jolyne: ARE ANY OF U FUCKS GONNA HEL P ME
Jolyne: HES GONNA GET M
Joseph: Wait .
Joseph: what the FUCK
Joseph: I see him in the living room throwing joly around
Joseph: why does he look like me.
Johnny: Ikr!!
Jotaro: its frightening
Jolyne: YOU ASSHOLES HEEL ME
Jonathan: could You keep it down you two i have an online meeting going on!
Jolyne: MY LIFE IS GOING TO ENF
Jolyne: FUCK YOU
Jotaro: yeah thats probably why he doesn't have his hair down much
Johnny: i feel like i mustve seen him with his hair down at least once before but im just drawing a blank…
Jolyne: YOURE ALL GOING TO HELL
Joseph: 😭yeah, theres no way we went this long without noticing
Johnny: oh wait no he usually jas his hair up even If its not styled
Joseph: O YEAAA
Joseph: mystery solved
Jolyne: KILLYOURSEL
Jotaro: Are yall still going at It goddamn
Jotaro: what did you even say to him
Jolyne:ISCALED HKM JOSEPH
Jolyne: AND I WAS LIEKOH SORRY I DDNT RECOGNIZ YOU WROUHT YOUE FUCKASS HAIER
Jotaro: youre so incredibly stupid
Joseph: yeah thatll do it
Johnnh: sigh.
Jolyne: FUCKKK YOU
Giorno: whats happening
Jotaro: dont worry ab it
Giorno: okay :)
Giorno: i beat up a guy today
Joseph: Well done!!!!!!!
Joseph: thats amazing!!!!
Jotaro: uh
Johnny: ykw hell yeah CONGRATS
Giorno: !! <3
Giorno: He is in hospital!!!
Joseph: ok
Joseph: less amazing!
Jolyne: IM.ABOHT TO BE SENT TO JOSPITAL IF ONE OF YOU DOESNT HELP MEEEEE
Giorno: no, its okay he attacked first 🫶
Giorno: legally all the details have been sorted 🫶
Johnny: wait thats epic
Johnny: how did you beat him up giogio
Giorno: shovel <3
Joseph: i love Me a good shovel
Giorno: :D AND
Giorno: i found a cool frog on my way home!!
Johnny: ohh send pics!!!
Jolyne: genuinely fuc K you guya S
Giorno: img.frog
Joseph: woaaa
Jotaro: very very nice indeed giorno
Giorno: and!!!!!
Johnny: wow!!! Your day keeps getting Better :O
Joseph: <3
Giorno: fugo taught me how to bake!!!!
Joseph: aaaa!!! Giogio thats so cute
Giorno: i am so very happy today!
Johnny: ❤️❤️ happy for u bud!!
Jotaro: youll have to bake it for us sometime
Giorno: i will try!!
Joseph: i want to squish your little cheeks 😭😭🫶 giogio come find me when youre home
Giorno: 😭??
Giorno: i was thinking maybe dad would enjoy something baked but im not too sure
Jonathan: Oh giorno thats amazing!! You are simply very endearing! Very thoughtful of you
Jotaro: you can treat him when he gets out of prison
Giorno: yeah i dont think security would let me get cake in
Joseph: WAHHH😭❤️🫶
Joseph: my baby siblings ilove you All so muchhh
Jotaro: are you drunk
Jotaro: its broad daylight
Joseph: god forbid a man be emotional 😒
Johnny: oh its gotten quiet
Joseph: true
Joseph: @jolyne r u alivee 👀
Jolyne: fuck you.
Jolyne: fuck allof you.
Johnny: sorry i am NOT getting involved with Josuke hair related business ❤️
Jotaro: yep
Joseph: 🫡
Jolyne: all of you are gojng to HELL.
Jolyne: btw giorno thats so lovely! Glad youve had an awesome day
Giorno: thank You :)
Giorno: dont go in the basement
Jolyne: ?
Johnny: ????😰
Jotaro: 😕
Joseph: 😭.
Joseph: yeah . Ok.
-
Josuke: guysss i just hit a guy with my bike 😭
Jonathan: oh dear- Are you okay?
Josuke: im fine yeahhhh but hes sort of bleeding
Jonathan: hmmm have you gotten his info?
Josuke: uhh no
Josuke: i did reverse over him three times though
Jonathan: thats not really ideal
Josuke: im Like 40% sure hes evil
Jonathan: pic?
Josuke: img.7 [Guy ran Over and bleeding on the road, the Image is slightly Blurry and zoomed In]
Jonathan: !!!
Jonathan: Youd best get out of there please
Jonathan: asap
Josuke: Yesboss 🫡
Jotaro: ohmygoddd ??
Jotaro: u ran over angelo??😭😭
Jotaro: he literally escaped death row
Josuke: 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬
Jonathan: are you away??
Josuke: yeaaah, oh lord
Josuke: ill call the cops now
Josuke: guys Im too young to go to jail 💔
Jolyne: 😒
Josuke: <3
Jonathan: for what its worth they probably will be more preoccupied with getting angelo into custody
Josuke: no joke😭 ive never seen them arrive so quickly
Josuke: yikessss
Josuke: yeah im coming home now wtf
Josuke: ive got the heebie jeebies
Jotaro: ok
Jotaro: im hosting an intervention
Josuke: ??
Jotaro: you have to use normal slang from now on
Jotaro: i cannot take it anymore
Josuke: wtf.
Jotaro: @everyone
Johnny: LOLLLLLL
Johnny: yeah sounds fun
Joseph: i absolutely agree
Josuke: YALL SUCK
Josuke: I AM TRAUMATISED FROM THIS CRIMINAL AND YOURE ALL GANGING UP ON ME !!!
Jolyne: you ran him over like 4 times
Jolyne: im in on whatever jotaro is doing
Josuke: wtfffff
Jotaro: youre now allowed to use fuckass words like ‘Heebie jeebie’ anymore
Jolyne: wait no actually
Jolyne: im not participating
Jolyne: i think its so fun when he acts like an elderly homosexual man
Josuke: im
Josuke: thanks???
Josuke: I guess
Jotaro: sigh.
Jonathan: are you sure youre okay Josuke?
Josuke: yeah!! Dont worry :)
Jonathan: brilliant
Jonathan: okuyasu is waiting for you at home
Johnny: looks like Hes about to fall asleep honestly
Josuke: ahhh !!!! Ok!!
Josuke: would you be able to keep him busy for just ten more minutes? Ive stopped by the store
Johnny: ofcourse bro
Josuke: thanks broham 😘
Jotaro: No normal person uses the word broham
Joseph: LOL
Joseph: wait Josuke if ur at the store can you plsplsplsplspls pretty pleaseeeee buy me a cok 🥺
Josuke: uh?
Johnny: cock??
Josuke: im going to say no to that
Josuke: im not buying you a cock
Joseph: WHAT
Joseph: WAIT I MEANT COKE
Joseph: COKE!!! THE DRINK!!!
Joseph: A COLA
Josuke: HAH
Johnny: i hate u
Joseph: WTV
Joseph: WHATEVEERRRR
Josuke: Ill be home soon x
Notes:
Question of the chapter 🤔 what other animes/mangas do yall enjoy appart from jojos 🤔 i need more recs !!
Chapter 7
Notes:
hello guys ( SBR TRAILER AHHHH YAY YAY YAY) you guessed it, more slop
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Jonathan: how does one gag
Joseph: i dont like ehat youre asking
Jotaro: eat something gross? Smell something bad ?
Jonathan: thats what i assumed
Jonathan: But i don't understand
Jolyne: OH SHITTT
Jolyne: GAGGEDDDDD
Jolyne: thats when u do something and its like oh em gee.. gagged
Jolyne: lowkeyyyy
Jolyne: uncle dio when he pulled up to the function in that CUNTY yellow mini jacket And matching yellow trousers
Jolyne: green lipstick
Jolyne: i cant even lie to you. Such a diva
Jonathan: i see
Jotaro: bitch What are you on
Jotaro: that outfit was so bad
Jolyne: YOU dont get to chat about a bad outfit
Jolyne: how many belts does one man need
jotaro: now you've made it personal.
Giorno: i think bruno is very stylish
Giorno: gagged
Jolyne: TRUEEEEE
Jolyne: and the other guy too
Jolyne: abbitchio??
Giorno: please call him that to his face
Giorno: yes
Jolyne: 😰😰 are you going to get me murked
Giorno: not at all
Jonathan: so, do i gag?
Giorno: 🙂
Jotaro: 👍
Jolyne: ues ofcourse
Jolyne: i especially like when you wore three shirts On top of one another wirh a hat and a bowtie
Jolyne: and the tightest pants known to man
Jolyne: gagged
Jotaro: literally
Jonathan: splendid
Johnny: why are we gagging
Johnny: what happened
Jolyne: BITCHHH
Jolyne: you got yourself a boyfriend and dissappeared from yhe chat 😕
Johnny: i am also employed and also a student still?
Johnny: what do you want from me
Jolyne: take me shopping
Johnny: hell no
Johnny: AW HELLLLL NAW
Johnny: HELLLLLLLLL NAHHHHH
Jolyne: Okay damn 😭😭😭
Giorno: triple take is crazy
Johnny: have uour lady friend take you on a date
Johnny: shop with her
Jolyne: KYAAA WE SHOULDDDD
Jotaro: i know what you are
Johnny: i cant believe i have to repeat myself this much
Johnny: we all know what YOU are
Jotaro: bitch
Joseph: JOHNYYYYYYYYY
Joseph: WHERE R U
Joseph: QUIFK
Joseph: QUIC WUICK QUICK
Johnny: 🤨
Joseph: HWLP,
Joseph: DIEGO IS CRAWLING AT MEEEEE
Johnny: oh throw a rock at him
Joseph: WH
johnny: aim for his head
Joseph: HE
Joseph: ATE IT
Johnny: yea
Johnny: 👍
Joseph: i hate your generation
Joseph: im so afraid
Johnny: where even are you bro 😭😭
Joseph: i wanted to suprise you with lunch 😕 at school
Johnny: dont use me as an excuse to get off work you sleaze
Joseph: ok i was running away from my boss but only Because hes insane
Johnny: coming from u….
Jotaro: thats such a hypocritical thing to say
Joseph: you have NOT met kars he is WEIRD
Jotaro: Sigh
Jolyne: ok i asked her out againn ahhhh
Joseph: Omg
Jolyne: go away jose
Jolyne: go be employed
Joseph: I DONT WANNAAA
Jolyne: earn that cash so you can buy me more rhings
Joseph: hell naw
Jolyne: why do you all hate me and want me to die
Jotaro: tch
Jolyne: go 2 hell asshole
Johnny: wait leave the food before you go x thx
Joseph: no one here loves me
Johnny: yeah
-
Jonathan: hello everyone! ☺️
Jonathan: Robert Will be visiting this evening!
Joseph: SPEEDWAGONNNNNN !!!
Jolyne: THE MAN THR MYTH THR LEGENFDDDD
Josuke: Omg whats the occasion
Jonathan: friendiverdary!!
Josuke: wow
Jolyne: does erina know you have a rich oil tycoon pinning for you
Jonathan: Robert doesn't solely operate with oil
Josuke: a misdirect …..wow
Jonathan: ofcourse erina knows, Joly!
Giorno: what time is he coming!
Jonathan: this afternoon at around four
Giorno: bummer :( ill be out at that time, hopefully ill catch him before he leaves
Josuke: what are you gonna be out for 👀👀
Jolyne: nosey bitch
Josuke: go away
Giorno: an excursion
Josuke: how splendid
Josuke: dont do anything i wouldnt do x
Giorno: ☺️
Joseph: if rob is coming does that mean we're having roast dinner
Jonathan: yes ☺️
Jotaro: FUCK
Jolyne: Fuck 💔
Jonathan: don't worry I will ofcourse make alternatives for Those who prefer to eat something else
Jolyne: i love you Jonathan you are an angel
Jotaro: Thank u jona 🗣🙏
-
Johnny: code red i repeat code red
Josuke: what was code red i forgot
Jolyne: uhrrmmm ..
Johnny: come on joly rub those two neurons together you can spark a thought with them
Josuke: HAH
Giorno: hiiii
Giorno: wasnt “code red” code for I beat someone up and i need bailing out?
Josuke: hmmm no that was code green
Giorno: why green?
Johnny: because you wouldnt expect it to be green
Johnny: unexpect the expected
Jolyne: sounds about right
Jotaro: was code red 'im being impersonated’ one
Giorno: I wasnt aware that was a thing
Johnny: that was never a code dickwad im talking abot CODE RED !!
Jotaro: Yes it fucking was you twerp
Josuke: no that was code purple
Giorno: is johnny perhaps bleeding out?
Giorno: blood, Hence the red?
Josuke: Are you on your period
Jotaro: no thats code “im bleeding out”
Giorno: oh
Giorno: i see
Johnny: DIO IS OUT AND ABOUTTTTT
Jotaro: WHAT
Josuke: ??!WHAR
Jotaro: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE US GUESS THAT YOU TWAT
Johnny: IDK I DIDNT WANT TO ALARM U
Jotaro: ???? YOU MAKE NO SENSE YOU SLAG
Johnny: FUCK YOU
Jolyne: DUDE WHAT
Jolyne: is he on parole ????
Johnny: man idfk but unless he has a doppleganger out there that was definitely him
Josuke: hey man it can hapoen to anyone 🥀
jotaro: True that 🥀
Johnny: stfu im not loser enough to get impersonated
Jolyne: Well actually
Johnny: shut up
Giorno: oh!! Yes he is out for a day
Giorno: on good behaviour they're letting me go to the movies with him today!!
Jolyne: watdafuq
Jotaro: ill deal with whatever just came out of your phone later jolyne
Jolyne: ☹️ its my whimsy
Jotaro: you are going to hell
Jolyne: not like youre seeing the pearly gates either homotron 30000
Jotaro: ive had it
Jolyne: we all know that
Jotaro: SHUT UP
Jotaro: DINT PISS ME OFF
Jolyne: 😛
Johnny: Oh sweet what movie are you seeing giogio
Giorno: im not confident well make it to the movie theatre before dad attacks someone but at least the walk will be nice
Johnny: awesome
Jonathan: wow! Say hello from me!!
Giorno: will do!
Giorno: he says hi back
Johnny: im somehow doubtful
Giorno: he embellished it a little bit
Notes:
question of this chapter, are yall manga readers or do you prefer the anime? personally i lean more towards the anime but sbr is my absolute fav!! you can probably guess i havent read enough of jojolion or jojolands to include them :<
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