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All the people

Summary:

Joseph: Giorno why did i just see your weird little gang tie someone down and perform some sort of ritualistic dance

Giorno: interrogation

Joseph: what.

Giorno: Dont worry about it

Joseph: i am worrying a lot

Notes:

in honour of sbr announcement (AIHUGNGBAGYUHBVUJ) im dropping this ancient ass chatfic ive had in my wips for forever.

its lowkey super duper self indulgent lol but im having a blast <3 hope yall enjoy too

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Joseph: JONATHAN JOESTAR

 

Jonathan: ?!!!!

 

Jonathan: yes!!?

 

Jotaro: woah what

 

Josuke: 👀👀👀whats happening

 

Jolyne: Drama?! Jona never gets into drama?!👀👀

 

Jotaro: apart from that one thanksgiving

 

 Joseph: no sorry wait

 

Joseph: JONATHAN “JOHNNY” JOESTAR

 

Josuke: ahhhh makes sense

 

Jolyne: What happened

 

Jonathan: oh dear, Johnny is everything okay

 

Johnny: 🙁

 

Joseph: really?!! Again?!

 

Jotaro: spit it out whats happening bro

 

Johnny: H

 

Johnny: hospital

 

Josuke: AGAIN???💀

 

Jolyne: BROOOO PLS🪦

 

Joseph: DAWGGG 

 

Johnny: 🙁

 

Giorno: whats all the spam for

 

Jolyne: hey gio, johnnys in hospital again

 

Giorno: johnny 😭😭

 

Jonathan: how do you manage

 

Jonathan: is there anyone there with you?? I can leave work early

 

Johnny: dont worry joseph is here :>

 

Joseph: i almost shit my pants when your school called holy shit

 

Jotaro: what even happened

 

Johnny: ion wanna talk ab it

 

Jonathan: oh johnny :( 

 

Josuke: you weren’t trying to do that stupid trick with gyro again were you😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

 

Johnny: what no

 

Johnny: what trick

 

Johnny: no i did not

 

Giorno: you’re an awful liar

 

Johnny: I DID NO SUCH THING

 

Jolyne: the horseriding one??? Dawg nahhh

 

Jonathan: sigh.

 

Johnny: I DIDNTTT I SWEAR THAT WAS ONE TIMEEE.

 

Jotaro: right…

 

Joseph: ok yall stop now

 

Johnny: i just fell off of slow dancer bc fuckin diego messed with the saddle again😒

 

Johnny: im fine yall

 

Josuke: WHAT

 

Johnny: does that count as a murder attempt lol

 

Joseph: ??!!! YES???

 

Jotaro: im going to literally kill that guy what are his co ordinates

 

Johnny: Do not, ill have no one to bully in class

 

Jonathan: I’ll be having a chat with Dio about this. Are you injured?

 

Johnny: just a concussion its all good

 

Jolyne: why did we all come out this way

 

Jolyne: this is like when Joesph almost got his hand decapitated and tried to walk it off

 

Johnny: good thing i can’t walk

 

Josuke: HELPPPPP💀

 

Jotaro: you were asking for that

 

Joseph: johnny ily ❤️

 

Jolyne: iam so sorry i didn’t mean it like that❤️

 

Johnny: repent by doing my hw and ill forgive you

 

Jolyne: asshole

 

Johnny: i am a good role model🙏

 

Giorno: can confirm

 

Giorno: i am learing lots🤔

 

Josuke: johnny you’re the coolest older brother ever

 

Johnny: yes worship me

 

Johnny: also do my history homework please

 

Jonathan: everyone please do not do his work

 

Johnny: but i cba 🙁

 

Joseph: oh gyros texting me hes almost here

 

Joseph: do u want me to leave 

 

Jolyne: oooh la laaaa

 

Johnny: die

 

Johnny: no its okay joseph im leaving anyway

 

Joseph: what

 

Joseph: where are you going?? I’m in the same room as you i can see you are definitely not moving

 

Johnny: im going to dreamland, my sweet big brother🕊

 

Joseph: JOHNNY NO 

 

Joseph: STAY AWAKE 

 

Johnny: see u on the other side

 

Giorno: What a menace

 

Jonathan: Joseph do not let him fall asleep please

 

Joseph: dont worry gyro basically broke the door down and now theyre in a disgustingly cute embrace

 

Joseph: img.1 [gyro hugging johnny, who jas his middle finger up at the camera]

 

Josuke: EWWWWW

 

Jotaro: I hate happy couples😒

 

Johnny: not a couple

 

Jotaro: go back to snogging

 

Johnny: whatevs

 

Jolyne: wait are you and gryo for real not dating

 

Jolyne: i thought that was a bit

 

Josuke: thats what they say but like

 

Josuke: we all have eyes

 

Johnny: with my eyes i observed you and okuyasu making out in the geography hall last week

 

Josuke: WHAT NO

 

Josuke: how about that time you and gyro literally were spooning on the couch when i got back from school

 

Johnny: you do not want to play this game with me

 

Johnny: i have video proof of a little something

 

Josuke: you wouldn’t.

 

Jotaro: LMAOOOO

 

Johnny: jotaro

 

Johnny: football field, january 18th, 6pm

 

Jotaro: oh no.

 

Jotaro: i

 

Jotaro: i dont know what you mean

 

Johnny: 🙂

 

Joseph: stop terrorising our younger brothers joejoe

 

Johnny: sorry its so fun

 

Johnny: img.2 [screenshot of johnnys camera roll- it has various folders named after the jojos with blackmail photos]

 

Johnny: I have blackmail folders on all of you LOL

 

Jolyne: that is so concerning

 

Joseph: WHY ARE THERE SOMANY

 

Jolyne: i forget you’re an asshole tbh youre so polite most of the time

 

Giorno: he is very polite to me i can confirm

 

Johnny: thank you Giorno youre my fav nephew ❤️

 

Joseph: the nurse said we’re free to go

 

Joseph: see yall at home

 

 

 

Jonathan-Johnny

 

Jonathan: Hey i just wanted to check in, are you sure you’re okay?

 

Johnny: i think so

 

Johnny: sorry for being an ass

 

Jonathan: not at all, you know we were all teasing

 

Johnny: yeah :) 

 

Jonathan: please stay safe. Are there any other injuries aside from concussion?

 

Johnny: apparently i have a sprained ankle but like

 

Jonathan: right

 

Jonathan: still, we’ll be careful

 

Johnny: i dont need you to treat me like glass just coz im in a wheelchair

 

Jonathan: No not at all!! I only meant that i care for you

 

Johnny: hhhh sorry i guess im not in a good mood

 

Johnny: sorry jona, i know, i appreciate that

 

Jonathan: love you, see you at home x

 

Giorno: image.3 png. A few jojos all crammed onto the couch, sleeping

 

-⋆。°✩-

 

Jotaro: who

 

Jotaro:img.4 (Joraro's hand holding a broken piece of glass)

 

Jotaro: who did this

 

Jolyne: 🤐

 

Joseph: what even is that

 

Jotaro: that is my expertly handcrafted limited edition glass paper weight that i payed a ridiculous amount of money for

 

Jotaro: jolyne.

 

Jolyne: 🤐

 

Johnny: yikes 

 

Johnny: at least it looks like a clean break, i can get someone to fix that

 

Jotaro: when i find you

 

Jotaro: trust. You will be dealt with.

 

Johnny: went out shopping with gyro and jonathan and some old lady came up to us and asked if i was their disabled daughter.

 

Johnny: crying.

 

Joseph: 😭😭😭

 

Josuke: its the luscious hair and the long wye lashes 

 

Johnny: im going to defy the laws of nature and kick the next person who walks up to me like that in their balls

 

Josuke: what if they dint have balls

 

Johnny: vag kick

 

Johnny: idc

 

Johnny: next person is eating shit

 

Jotaro: how is your concussion 

 

Johnny: its fineeee

 

Johnny: your paperweight thing, whered you get it from?

 

Jotaro: ordered it from an online store :(

 

Johnny: right

 

Joseph: we'll find the culprit, joot ❤️

 

Josuke: it was obviously jolyne r u kidding

 

Jotaro: :( nori helped me pick it out :(

 

Jonathan: im so sorry Jotaro we will fix it and buy you a new one!!

 

Jonathan: sorry about the old lady johnny 😭 old people have no chill sometimes

 

Johnny: how do i fix this 

 

Jolyne: step 1- get good

 

Johnny: too bad i can't takr steps

 

Johnny: as i can't walk 

 

Jolyne: 😭😭😭😭😭

 

Jotaro: again, you dug your own grave there

 

Josuke: damn. 

 

Johnny: ❤️❤️❤️❤️

 

Johnny: actually Step one is to loose the Wheelchair

 

Joseph: whatever you're planning stop rn

 

Josuke: look ehat you've done… Youve made joseph be responsible 

 

Jolyne: once in a lifetime experience

 

Joseph: HEY >:(

 

Joseph: i was responsible when

 

Joseph: whennn

 

Jolyne: yeah have a think about that buddy

 

Jolyne: let us know if you think of something

 

Josuke: who stole my nail polish

 

Jolyne: 🤐

 

Josuke: why are you incapable of staying out of my shit

 

Jolyne: its such a good brand though

 

Josuke: yeah and its MINE???

 

Jolyne: pretty please :(

 

Josuke: girl this is why you went to juvie😒

 

Josuke: i'm throwing your ass back in the slammer 

 

Jolyne: i already told yall the charges were fakeeeee

 

Joseph: I definitely believe you

 

Jotaro: as do i

 

Johnny: i have full faith you are completely Innocent

 

Johnny: gy wants his lipstick back btw

 

Jolyne: tell him to kiss my ass its mine now

 

Johnny: 🫡

 

Jolyne: WHY IS HE CALLING ME HELP HELP HELP

 

Jolyne: GUYSSSD HOW DIES HE HAVE MY NUMBER

 

Johnny: sorry sis its the consequences of your actions

 

Jotaro: you had it coming bitch

 

Jonathan: what did we say about the b word

 

Jotaro: no disrespecting women….fine….

 

Jonathan: Please return your brother's and Gyro’s cosmetic items 

 

Jolyne: fineee :(((

 

Giorno: narancia wants his lip gloss back 

 

Jolyne: icl i dont remember taking anyones lip gloss

 

Giorno: Damn.

 

Joseph: GIOGIO 

 

Giorno: haiii

 

Joseph: everyones fav nephew

 

Joseph: ur Like barely online what are you up to

 

Giorno: nothing in particular 

 

Giorno: im just not chronically online

 

Joseph: damnn.

 

Joseph: all of this ohio rizzler gyatt buisness has me dead tbh i cant understand you kids anymore

 

Joseph: in my day we used to have fart noises and gangnam style

 

Josuke: ok grandpa

 

Jolyne: you have GYATT to see this hot lady In my class 🤤

 

Josuke: thabks i hated that

 

Johnny: whats the rizzler

 

Joseph: 😔

 

Josuke: gyro rizzes you uo if yk what Im saying

 

Johnny: i do not

 

Jolyne: moving swiftly on

 

Johnny: 😒

 

Jolyne: guys i actually do have a hot woman in my homeroom

 

Jolyne: shes so fine

 

Josuke: talk to her

 

Jolyne: she has green lipstick……..so stylish

 

Jotaro: 💀

 

Josuke: whats with joestars and having a thing for green Lipstick

 

Josuke: first johnny now jolyne

 

Joseph: its an epidemic

 

Joseph: jolyne why dont you ask her out

 

Jolyne: ur so right that way i can stop taking gyros lipstick i can use hers instead

 

Jolyne: fuck im actually so nervous to approach her though

 

Giorno: go up to her and ask what shade shes wearing, say it suits her eyes or something

 

Jolyne: why is my 15 yr old nephew giving me genius advice 

 

Giorno: its how bruno and abbitchio got together

 

Josuke: ABBITCHIO IM DEAD

 

Giorno: he deserves it

 

Giorno: also how pucci tried seducing my dad

 

Jotaro: ew

 

Jotaro: how long was dios sentence again

 

Jonathan: its a while

 

Jonathan: dont worry about it

 

Jonathan: i went to see him yesterday, @johnny, he said hed talk to diego

 

Johnny: I literally dont care ill just beat his ass next time i see him

 

Joseph: good example to set 

 

Johnny: always

 

Jolyne: Ive been thinking

 

Josuke: dangerous…..dont do that…

 

Jolyne: stfu

 

Jolyne: ive been thinking. Johnny you and Gyro are like. Broke back mountain

 

Josuke: HELLLPPPPPPP

 

Giorno: The gay cowboys???

 

Johnny: girl what

 

Johnny: broke back . Wh

 

Johnny: am i missing context ir simething

 

Jolyne: giogio said it, the gay cowboys

 

Johnny: i am not a cowboy

 

Johnny: gyro is not my boyfriend 

 

Josuke: pls . Pls. Pls.

 

Johnny: we went on a long race ONCE 

 

Jotaro: televised 

 

Joseph: worldwide 

 

Jolyne: whole world saw yall snuggling

 

Johnny: i am going to bed bye

 

Jolyne: its 3 pm

 

Johnny: 🛌

 

Josuke: bitchhh

 

Joseph: Giorno why did i just see your weird little gang tie someone down and perform some sort of ritualistic dance

 

Giorno: interrogation 

 

Joseph: what. 

 

Giorno: Dont worry about it

 

Joseph: i am worrying a lot

 

Giorno: its fine theyre just having fun!!

 

Jotaro: you might’ve Inherited your dads idea of fun

 

Giorno: noooo i dont partake in vehicular manslaughter 

 

Giorno: or attempted World domination

 

Giorno: or aggravated assault and battery

 

Giorno: or

 

Jotaro: point taken

 

Jolyne: GIOGIO JT WORK ED 

 

Jolyne: SHE SAID SHED TAKE ME TO TGE SHOP SHE BUYS HER MAKE UP FORM AFTER SCHOOL

 

Giorno: :3






 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2

Notes:

hi alll <3 have more jojos slop

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

-⋆。°✩-

 

Jotaro: why Is okuyasu sleeping in our house again

 

Josuke: why is kakyoin sneaking in through your window every night

 

Jotaro: 😒

 

Josuke: we have a school project sooooooo hes staying over so we can finish it

 

Jotaro: if you two do ANYTHING im immediately whipping out my Nikon Z9 mirrorless camera and handing the evidence over to johnny

 

Johnny: way ahead of you

 

Josuke: what dkes that mean

 

Johnny: ❤️ 

 

Josuke: what does that mean.

 

Jotaro: ive got my eyes and ears peeled

 

 

-⋆。°✩-

 



Johnny: JOLYNE YOU ASSHOLE

 

Josuke: uh oh

 

Johnny: YOU WILL PAY

 

Jolyne: WH!??!

 

Jolyne: FOR ONCE I ACTUALLY DONT KNOE EHAT YOU MEAN

 

Johnny: oh my GODDDD

 

Joseph: lets all calm down here what happened

 

Johnny: who drew a dick and balls on slow dancer

 

Johnny: who.

 

johnny: yall KNOW i wont be able to reach it to clean it properly goddamn

 

Joseph: i'll help you!!

 

Johnny: i dont want help i want this to stop happening

 

Jolyne: joejoe im sorry but it really wasnt me :(

 

Jolyne: johnny???

 

Joseph: ill go check on him

 

Josuke: damn this is not his week :( first the concussion nowthis

 

Jolyne: the grocery store Old lady too 😕

 

Joseph: dang :(

 

Jonathan: Hi all

 

Josuke: hello jona

 

Jonathan: when we all get home from School/college i have a surprise for you all ☺️

 

Josuke: ooooo




Joseph-Jonathan

 

Joseph: hey Do you know anythjng aboht the slow dancer thing??

 

Jonathan: i do not, ive been at work all day 

 

Jonathan: surely its got something to do with diego?

 

Joseph: apparently its not 😭 johnny said diego has nothing to do with it

 

Jonathan: dang :(

 

Jonathan: i think for now the best course of action is to just clean up and cheer him up

 

Joseph: right o

 

Joseph: any chance of you telling me waht the suprise is? Lolllll 🥺🥺🥺🥺

 

Jonathan: no ☺️



-⋆。°✩-

 

Jolyne: WE GOT A FUCKING DOGGGGG LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

Josuke: WOOOOOO

 

Jonathan: im so happy you like Danny 2.0!!

 

Jotaro: is it really okay to call him that 😭

 

Jonathan: hmmmm

 

Josuke: why not something else with a D idk

 

jolyne: Dio

 

Jonathan: if your uncle leaves prison and finds out we named a dog after he'd actually kill one of you probably

 

Jonathan: how about david

 

Jolyne: im not having a dog with a grown ass man name

 

Jolyne: how abouttt 

 

Jolyne: uh

 

Josuke: dexter? Thats a dog name right

 

Johnny: richard

 

Johnny: dick for short

 

Jotaro: HAH.

 

Jonathan: richard is a lovely name

 

Jonathan: this reminds me of the name charles dickens

 

Joseph: All for Charles dickens say Aye

 

Johnny: aye

 

Jolyne: aye

 

Josuke: aye

 

Giorno: aye

 

Jotaro: nay tf

 

joseph: mwaha.

 

Joseph: seems you are outnumbered >:)

 

Jonathan: prefect, Charles Dickens It is.




-⋆。°✩-




Johnny: NO

 

Johnny: THAS NOT ME TH

 

Joseph: AAHAHAHAHAGGA

 

Joseph: GUYS LOOK

 

Johnny: IN GONAN CASTRATE HOU

 

Josuke: ?!?!? 

 

Jolyne: the day johnny doesn't start shit is the day society advances 

 

Jonathan: what happened 👀

 

Joseph: Img.5. [the image is blurry, johnny is visibly blushing with his hand trying and failing to cover his face. He has a few visible green kiss marks on his forehead and cheeks]

 

Jolyne: is that

 

Jotaro: 💀 

 

Josuke: LMAOOOO YOUR LIPS ARE ALSO GREEN

 

Joseph: CAUGHT RED HANDED BITCHHH

 

Johnny: KYS 

 

Jonathan: What a cute picture!!!

 

Jotaro: look closer

 

Jonathan: oohhh

 

Joseph: let me try and get him still

 

Jolyne: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

 

Jolyne: dang bro was getting it on ig

 

Josuke: ewww dont say that about our brother hes a loser

 

Josephimg.6 [ the picture is blurry again, johnnys hand is no longer at his face, his eyes are averted and brows furrowed. there are more visible lipstick stains, especially on his lips, the corner of his bottom lip is smudged. He is blushing even harder.]

 

 

Johnny: STOP ANTAGONIZING ME

 

Joseph: AHEHAHAHAHABA

 

Joseph: WHERE DID GYRO SCAMPER OFF TO

 

Jotaro: i wouldnt speak If i were you, joseph

 

Johnny: YOY ARE A MANWHOREEEEEE

 

Jolyne: GELPPP

 

Josuke: no hes right 😭

 

Joseph: SO WHAT IVE GOT A HOT BOYFRIEND I CAN DO EHAT I WANT

 

Jolyne: 🤢🤢🤢

 

Jonathan: jokes aside that really is a cute photo

 

Jotaro: (true)

 

Jotaro: gay ass 

 

Johnny: 😕😕😕😕😕😕

 

Jolyne: its okay johnny we accept you

 

Johnny: die

 

Johnny: we are all gay fym

 

Joseph: unrue i am bi

 

Jonathan: i am an ally

 

Johhny: whatever SLUT 

 

Josuke: literally howd you get your lipsticks so blended thats impressive 

 

Joseph: 🤔

 

Johnny: whatever shut up

 

Johnny: friends do that all the time

 

Jotaro: you are a new level of delusional 

 

Jolyne: I want to be that one day

 

Joseph: no seriously whete did gyro go he bolted as soon as i opened the door

 

Josuke: i saw him sprinting down the street just a bit ago

 

Joseph: oh shit when did you get home

 

Josuke: like a few mins ago

 

Johnny: U ready?

 

Josuke: yah bro

 

Joseph: for what 

 

Joseph: if yohre going anywhere youd better clean those lipstick marks off

 

Johnny: shut it. None kf your buisness

 

Josuke: :p



-⋆。°✩-

 

 

 



⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

 

Gyro: guys. trouble.

 

Caesar: did You finally get your ass beat

 

Will: thank god

 

Gyro: NO

 

Gyro: i was giving Johnny a little best friend goodbye kiss after i dropped him off from college

 

Caesar: youre insufferable 

 

Gyro: WHYYY

 

Will: i cant stand you youths

 

Gyro: “youths”

 

Caesar: 💀

 

Caesar: when will you ask him out. Its annoying watching you two

 

Gyro: dude. I havr TRIED

 

Gyro: he said somethung along the lines of “yes ofcourse we are …best friends”

 

Gyro: i literally started kissing him square in the lips 

 

Gyro: he asked if it was an italian thing and moved on

 

Caesar: thats pretty incredible

 

Will: that is genuinely impressive, yeah

 

Gyro: im dying.

 

Caesar: jojo sent me this 💀💀

 

Caesar: Img.5. [the image is blurry, johnny is visibly blushing with his hand trying and failing to cover his face. He has a few visible green kiss marks on his forehead and cheeks]

 

Gyro: hffgvbhdhggvvvvvv

 

Caesar: ew

 

Caesar: Dawg 😭😭😭 how does he not get it?

 

Will: i think hes just too awkward to acknowledge your advances

 

Gyro: im manning up. Im . Asking him out Until he gets what im saying

 

Caesar: WOOHOOOO

 

Will: good for you, Gy



-⋆。°✩-





Johnny: trouble

 

Jolyne: always is, with you

 

Johnny: not now joly

 

Jolyne: uh oh serious 

 

Josuke: whats up

 

Jotaro: kill?

 

Johnny: me

 

Jotaro: no

 

Johnny: someone shoot me in the back of the head

 

Giorno: mista has a gun

 

Josuke: Extremely concerning and also illegal

 

Giorno: haha i was jokinggg

 

Giorno: uncle johnny what happened 

 

Johnny: gyro

 

Johnny: asked me out

 

Jolyne: Wtf i thought this was serious 

 

Johnny: it is. I am

 

Josuke: this was a long time coming 😭

 

Joseph: FINALLYYYYY

 

Johnny: no not good

 

Jotaro: you…said yes…right?

 

Johnny: .

 

Josuke: right?

 

Jolyne: RIGHT???

 

Johnny: I . Ran 

 

Johnny: away.

 

Johnny: well not ran

 

Johnny: crawl???

 

Johnny: i left

 

Josuke: 😟

 

Joseph: what.

 

Johnny: i panicked

 

Jotaro: tell me you're joking

 

Johnny: hhhhhhh

 

Josuke: ok first

 

Josuke: breathe

 

Josuke: second, think

 

Josuke: do you not like him? What made you panic

 

Johnny: What if its a prank 

 

Joseph: i assure you its not a prank

 

Jotaro: no what-ifs

 

Joseph: do you like gyro

 

Johnny: ido

 

Johnny: i just

 

Johnny: ehat if hes jist being njce

 

Johnny: i mean like

 

Johnny: i canr really

 

Josuke: :(

 

Jotaro: we need to get you back in therapy. Damn.

 

Joseph: not the time, jotaro

 

Joseph: johnny you there?

 

Johnny: yea

 

Johnny: im sorry everyone, I'll talk to the college councillor or somethhrjn

 

Jotaro: nooo no stay

 

Jotaro: stay

 

Johnny: i just feel bleh and i am tired and confused and i want to sleep 

 

Joseph: i am on my way, where are you?

 

Johnny: don't worry about it you have all done so much already 

 

Johnny: im just gonna go home <3

 

joseph:....if you're sure




-⋆。°✩-



Jonathan: have you made it back safe johnny?

 

Jonathan: @johnny

 

Giorno: hes sleeping rn, he got back half an hour ago!!

 

Jonathan: ah thank you giorno

 

Giorno: im chilling In his room finishing up some assignments :)

 

Jonathan: good to hear!! Get yourself the bean bag or a chair

 

Jonathan: you'll injure Your back if you keep sitting on the floor

 

Giorno: 🫡

 

Joseph: giogio your little gang 

 

Giorno: my friend group yes

 

Joseph: are they. In the mafia or something

 

Giorno: no !

 

Jolyne: Not true i saw them hussle a guy for a baggie of white powder

 

Giorno: they dont do drugs they're getting rid of them !!

 

Jolyne: i literally saw you commanding them and shit

 

Joseph: Are you a Mafia boss giogio😟

 

Giorno: No, never :(

 

Giorno: i am simply eradicating the pests infesting the school with their filthy substances

 

Joseph: eerie

 

Joseph: that is so eerie and concerning 

 

Joseph: arent you like 15

 

Giorno: correct

 

Jolyne: jesus christ

 

Giorno: are you home? I heard yhe door open

 

Jolyne: no im still on the bus :(

 

Jolyne: it might be one of the other jojos??

 

Joseph: i have a gun under the fourth floorboard from my door if its an intruder 

 

Giorno: why do you own a gun

 

Joseph: why does mista have one

 

Giorno: point taken.

 

Jolyne: who is it???

 

Giorno: ah

 

Giorno: gyro

 

Giorno: i am going to subtly leave johnnys room 

 

Giorno:  very subtly

 

Joseph: niceee

 

Jotaro: Jose why are you always online

 

Jotaro: dont you have a job

 

Joseph: Its BOORINGGGG

 

Jolyne: bitch you are a grown ass man

 

Joseph: whatevssss

 

Jonathan: we are quite fortunate to be well off, Joseph 😅 don't take it for granted

 

Joseph: sigh

 

Joseph: fine

 

-⋆。°✩-

Notes:

comments and kudos are greatly appreciated <3

what are yalls fav jojo parts? mine vary tbh but 7 4 and 5 are up there!! im also enjoying part 9 atm!

Chapter 3

Notes:

sorry for the wait yall- exam season is getting a lil crazy but the jojo grindset never stops

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Johnny: boyfriend acquired

 

Josuke: WOOHOO

 

Jolyne: YESSSSSSS

 

Joseph: LETS GO CELEBRATEE

 

Jonathan: i am so happy for you!!!!

 

Joratro: nice

 

Giorno: <3!!!

 

Johnny: !

 

Johnny: cool

 

Joseph: caesar will finally stop bitching about gyros pining

 

Josuke: LOOOL

 

Josuke: NO ….. 

 

Josuke: WAIT NO I CANT CALL JOEJOE BITCHLESS ANYMORE 

 

Johnny: >:)

 

Joseph: im fr we should go out and celebrate

 

Johnny: im not really feeling it rn sorry yall, you can still go out if youd like

 

Jotaro: we can arrange it for a different time :)










Josuke: Where. Is. My. Bag.

 

Jolyne: I know what you're thinking

 

Josuke: you skank.

 

Jolyne: but it wasnt me

 

Josuke: GIVE IT BACK

 

Jolyne: I CANT BC I DONT HAVE IT

 

Josuke: WHERE IS IT

 

Josuke: i LITERALLY need it rn

 

Josuke: i have been so patient with this bloodline

 

Jotaro: Josuke no

 

Jotaro: calm

 

Josuke: it is time to end it all

 

Jolyne: LISTENNN TOO MEEEE

 

Josuke: fine. Go.

 

Jolyne: Ok so last week when diego was fucking with johnnys saddle i went up to have a little chat with him 

 

Jolyne: after some gentle prompting he admitted that dio asked him to do that

 

Jolyne: so i went to hot pants and i was like heyy girllll

 

Jolyne: and she was like omg hi how are you

 

Jolyne: guys did you know shes getting new demonias im so jelly theyre the cool ones with the thingies 

 

Josuke: youre getting distracted joly 😭

 

Jolyne: right

 

Jolyne: and so anyway, she was like yeah no diego hasnt been visiting dio in jail so i was like huh thats strange

 

Jolyne: and so i was like well ill go investigate elsewhere thanks girl and she was like But i did see this random guy with majestic brown hair And he was dressed in purple and he gave diego a slip of paper

 

Jolyne: so i was like what. No way.

 

Jolyne: YALL IT WAS VANILLA ICE 😭😭

 

Joseph: im so invested

 

Jolyne: DIOS TRYING TO ASSEMBLE HIS CULT OF WEIRD BOYFRIENDS TO FUCK WITH USSSS

 

Jolyne: i went and hunted him down and apparently diego was meant to like fully fuck with slown dancer so that johnny had to be hospitalised in need of surgery or whatever and they were planning to steal the money for surgery or whatever 

 

Joseph: literally what the fuck.

 

Joseph: what the fuck.

 

Josuke: that is the most insane thing i jave ever read are you making this up

 

Jolyne: NO😭😭😭

 

Jolyne: yall dio sent his carnivorous bird to our house and it came though joot's window and broke his paperweight 😭

 

Jotaro: PET SHOP???? 

 

Jotaro: WHAT

 

Joseph: Are you sure youre nkt making things up this is so insane

 

Jolyne: i didnt want to say anything because i had no idea what was going on and you werent gonna believe me 😭

 

Josuke: That is such a round about way of stealing money.?.???? Why does he need money???? He Literally has a cult following

 

Jolyne: they went broke LOL

 

johnny: that is the stupidest thing he could have done

 

Johnny: like comically stupid 

 

Johnny: why is he so dramatic all he had to do was send vanilla ice or diego to rob our house while we were out💀

 

Jonathan: i am speechleds

 

Jonathan: i don't know what to say

 

Johnny: im making fun of him for the rest of time

 

Giorno: 😟😟😟 ehat did i just read

 

Giorno: 😭wh

 

Jotaro: giorno dont become like him i beg

 

Giorno: i don't think i could replicate that train of thought even if i tried

 

Joseph: that is so funny in retrospect 

 

Joseph: 😭😭

 

Jolyne: Pucci Drew a dick and balls on all the horses at the stable bc he didng know which onr wss diegos 😭 he said it was punishment for diego for not completing his task correctly

 

Johnny: why am i always caught in thr crossfire

 

Jotaro: im at least glad thats solved 😭

 

Jolyne: For real

 

Josuke: yeah!!

 

Josuke: so…..

 

Josuke: wheres my bag then

 

Josuke: jolyne?

 

Josuke:hello??

 

Josuke: FUCK

 

Josuke: YOUD BETTER START RUNNING

 

Joseph: ☺️ how cute




Notes:

thank you for reading!!! Question of this chapter, what is yalls favourite theme/compositions?? for me, i obviously loveee golden winds osts but i also loveeee part 4's!! i am excited to hear what p7 has in store!!!

Chapter 4

Notes:

im alive (barely) and thriving (lie)

i am here to feed you more jojo slop <3 feast, my creatures.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Giorno: hey guys

 

Giorno: can i use our basement next week

 

Joseph: as long as youre not conducting torture down there sure

 

Joseph: Is your little gang coming along? 

 

Giorno: yes

 

Jolyne: What no

 

Jolyne: Fugo cant see me

 

Jolyne: he'll know i didnt return his mascara

 

Giorno: !

 

Giorno: maybe an incentive to return the mascara?

 

Jolyne: i cant its too good

 

Josuke: your funeral 🙏 can't wait to attend

 

Jolyne: go die

 

Jolyne: (ily though dont die)

 

Johnny: what are you going to use the basement for?

 

Giorno: a project

 

Johnny: vague and slightly threatening

 

Johnny: cool

 

Giorno: i'll just need it for monday and friday if that's chill

 

Jonathan: yes ofcourse!!

 

Johnny: are we not going to do anything about the dio thing

 

Joseph: i mean hes already in jail

 

Josuke: yeahhh but like….

 

Jotaro: personally i sent him a letter making fun of his actions

 

Johnny: my hero




-

 

Joseph: GUYS HELP ME 

 

Joseph: HELP WHY IS THERE A MAN 

 

Joseph: TIED UP IN OJR BASEMENT 

 

Jotaro: What

 

Jolyne: ??????????

 

Jotaro: if id have to guess 

 

Jotaro: it would be giornos doing

 

Joseph: help me i am so scared Im literally going to pee

 

Joseph: i Heard noises from down there aandi peeked in to see what Was happening

 

Joseph: theyve got a man fully cable tied to the ceiling 

 

Josuke: man what

 

Giorno: Hii

 

Joseph: 😰 hey

 

Giorno: oh yeah lol sorry abt that guy he wasn't contributing significantly to the project

 

Jotaro: so you cable tied him to the ceiling?

 

Giorno: 💁‍♂️

 

Joseph: FYM “💁‍♂️”

 

Joseph: what even is your project

 

Giorno: for school

 

Josuke: That answers literally nothing 

 

Josuke: joseph its for the best you don't pry any further 

 

Giorno: consider it justice

 

Joseph: bitch are you batman

 

Jolyne: holy shit LOL

 

Jolyne: dude just dont kill him ok x

 

Giorno: yessir

 


-

 

Josuke: Guys i have hot goss

 

Jolyne: omfg

 

Johnny: cba to respond but know ill be lurking

 

Jotaro: same 👂 

 

Joseph: IM LOCKED INNN

 

Josuke: ok so basically you guys know koichi's sort of gf/reformed stalker?

 

Joseph: the freaky one????

 

Josuke: yep!! Yukako

 

Jolyne: didnt she try grilling an alive person last time we invited her to a bbq

 

Joseph: i feel like the hostage incident was more memorable tbh

 

Josuke: she did!

 

Josuke: yeah we do NOT talk about the kidnapping.

 

Jolyne: 💀

 

Joseph: 😭😭

 

Josuke: ok so

 

Josuke: anyway so shes sort of a diva and an icon despite all of her concerning characteristics 

 

Joseph: im afraid i have to agree

 

Josuke: RIGHT

 

josuke: so basically she was having this thing where she thought koichi didn't like her and we were like girll cmon youre fine

 

Josuke: bc se were like ough we cant have a repeat of last time (incident that shall not be named)

 

Josuke: And this carried on for a bit and she was like nooo… Im not pretty

 

Jolyne: WHAT

 

Jolyne: shes gorg???

 

Josuke: RIGHTTT

 

Josuke: ok that was the set up, basically .

 

Josuke: she showed up a few days ago to school and she looked Like. Ominously Different

 

Josuke: any guesses?

 

Joseph: experimental make up?

 

Jolyne: is she wearing someone else's skin

 

Josuke: PLASTIC SURGERY!!!!

 

Jolyne: !?!?!?!?!?!?!?

 

Joseph: HUHH

 

Josuke: AND WE WERE LIKE GIRL HOW. HOW DID YOU GET IT DONE SO FAST HOW DID IG HEAL SO QYICKLY HOW DID YOUR PARENTS AGREE ? LIKEEE

 

Jolyne: all this over koichi bruh

 

Josuke: aye thats my boy dont talk shit

 

Jolyne: im just saying man

 

Jolyne: imaginr caesar did that over jose

 

Joseph: hey thats rude

 

Joseph: but yeah id be mortified 

 

Josuke: 😭 literally 

 

Josuke: koichi freaked tf out and was like whqt the fuck

 

Josuke: and yukako was like “yess!!! How cute am i!” (She was super cute icel)

 

Jolyne: theres more to this… i can feel it



josuke: But get this

 

Josuke: they have a HUGE argument and we basically don't see her for another few days

 

Josuke: she finally shows up??

 

Josuke: w her old face ??

 

Josuke: refusing to elaborate??? She said

 

Josuke: she LITERALLY said  'i healed’

 

Joseph: fym healed 😭😭 what the fuck

 

Josuke: literally.  And Shit happened and basically 

 

Josuke: we think she went through some sort of crazy witchcraft spell bc WHAT

 

Jotaro: Can i input

 

Josuke: ofc

 

Jotaro: r u sure you weren't just high

 

Jolyne: GAGGG

 

Joseph: CLOCKED

 

Josuke: FUCK you

 

Josuke: im SURE

 

Josuke: Im VERY sure infact because someone. Stole my stash…😒😒😒

 

Johnny: ❤️

 

Giorno: interesting 

 

Jolyne: i can't tell what that is a response to And i am worried

 

Josuke: wait giogio i only smoke weed sometimes haha do not shoot me pls

 

Josuke: i can stop x don't stick your gang On me

 

Johnny: what is weed

 

Jolyne: thats real convincing, joejoe

 

Giorno: 😭 chill yall

 

Giorno: im not evil

 

Giorno: have you SEEN mista

 

Joseph: true hes a walking weed plant

 

Jolyne: Not to be mean but i cant tell of thats his BO or if he smokes weed tbh

 

Giorno: i cant either its okay

 

Joseph: awesome

 

Josuke: concerning, actually 

 

Jotaro: Lets not move on from the bitch with the morphing face

 

Johnny: yeah, wild 😭😭

 

Johnny: that is less ‘hot goss’ and more ‘terrifying supernatural happening’

 

Josuke: i swear to yall it happened

 

Josuke: stay safe out there…

 

Jolyne: thats acc creepy asf

 

Jonathan: oh wow

 

Jonathan: theres a lot of things to respond to here that i dont know where to start

 

Joseph: ignore ❤️ 

 

Jonathan: sigh

 

Jonathan: ykw. Yeah




-

 

 

Jonathan: Dio sends his kind regards from behind bars

 

Jotaro: What did he actually say

 

Giorno: “kill yourself before i get the chance to you stupid miserable wretches”

 

Giorno: amd he told me my hair looked nice

 

Jotaro: tell him he will rot in the ground forever

 

Giorno: huh, wow

 

Giorno: we're acc on our way home now but he said he anticipated this response

 

Giorno: and he said to say to double check the spice cabinet

 

Jotaro: what did that motherfucker do

 

Jotaro: Did he fucking lace the salt or something

 

jonathan: i am so tired

 

Jotaro: i'm gonna beat his ass bro

 

Joseph: whatever the fuck you think hes got going on, trust its 10 times worse

 

Joseph: leave it for now lil bro

 

Jotaro: jesus

 

Jotaro: i hope misfortune Plagues him for eternity

 

Joseph: real

 

Joseph: me too bud

 

Johnny: i can help with that

 

Jotaro: maybe dont

 

Jotaro: diego literally attempted assasination on you not so long ago

 

Johnny: i beat his ass up its fine

 

Jolyne: can i ask something that may potentially be mildly offensive 

 

Johnny: ya

 

Jolyne: HOW did you beat him up

 

Johnny: fist

 

Johnny: throwable items

 

Johnny: chair

 

Jotaro: are you saying you threw your chair at him 

 

Johnny: interpret that however you want

 

Johnny: point is i beat his ass

 

Joseph: WOOOOP!!

 

Jolyne: i genuinely greatly admire you

 

Johnny: you probably shouldn't 

 

Jotaro: probably

 

Jotaro: but it happens

 

Jolyne: btw when is kakyoin coming over next

 

Jotaro: hes not going to let you borrow any cosmetics.

 

Jolyne: .

 

Jolyne: answer my question 

 

Jotaro: …🤨

 

Jolyne: i just havent seen him in ages💔

 

Jolyne: its every damn day with josu and oku

 

Jolyne: my head is starting to melt off

 

Jotaro: ykw thats fair

 

Joseph: i actually havent seen avdol and the gang in forever

 

Jotaro: because he is employed and has a life u freak

 

Joseph: IM ALSO EMPLOYED ASSHOLE

 

Jotaro: and also somehow chronically online

 

Joseph: you hate me for my joy and whimsy

 

Jotaro: yes

 

Giorno: hiiii

 

Joseph: hello my fav nephew ❤️❤️

 

Giorno: Hello! Would anyone be available to accompany me to a parent teacher meeting? As my own father is 

 

Giorno: busy

 

Giorno: and this is maybe time sensitive

 

Jotaro: yes ofcourse 

 

Joseph: yes!! 

 

Joseph: when is it?

 

Giorno: errrrrrr

 

Giorno: its now?

 

Joseph: @Jonathan would you like to go? I am unfortunately employed 

 

Joseph: GioGio if its urgent I can take off of work

 

Giorno: its only mildly urgent

 

Josuke: WAIT!!! ME

 

Josuke: IM IN YOUR SCHOOL AREA

 

Giorno: if it won't be too much trouble, thanks

 

Joseph: perf

 

Giorno: 🫶 thank you josuke



Notes:

do you guys have any favourite jojo poses? hmm,, i loove giorno's diva poses hes so real for doing allthat, and i looove johnnys' !!!

Chapter 5

Notes:

MORE jojo slop. feast,my creatues

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Josuke: ok so GioGio is suspended

 

Giorno: </3

 

Jotaro: !!!! 

 

Jotaro: what happened

 

Giorno: the guy we attached to the ceiling complained to the staff

 

Giorno: as if he wasnt acting foolish in the first place

 

Giorno: absolutely abysmal behaviour 

 

Josuke: i can actually back this up

 

Josuke: he was there for the meeting and was an absolute prick

 

Giorno: Josuke is also no longer allowed on the premises

 

Josuke: </3 

 

Joseph: jesus christ yall

 

Josuke: i beat him up sorry

 

Giorno: its okay josuke speak ur truth

 

Jolyne: hey yall

 

Jolyne: WHAT LMAO

 

jolyne: sorry i just caught up on the convo

 

Jolyne: yea that seems about right

 

Jolyne: i came in here to say that erina said that jojo is backlogged at work and will come home late today 😭

 

Josuke: oh dear

 

Josuke: we should do something nice for him to help him relax before we break the news to him

 

Joseph: lets cook him a meal!!

 

Jotaro: i am NOT ingesting anything you cook

 

Jotaro: and i am NOT letting you in the kitchen

 

Joseph: relax 😒 ill call caesar over to help

 

Jotaro:...

 

Jotaro: fine

 

Jolyne: YAY

 

Josuke: YAYYYY

 

Giorno: 🥳

 

Johnny: whats happening

 

Joseph: just go with the flow

 

Johnny: HURRAH 🥳

 

Joseph: perfect 

 


----


 

Jolyne: @josuke come get your man 

 

Jolyne: hes being autistic about basebal stats again

 

Jolyne: (lovingly)

 

Josuke: HEY.

 

Josuke: be nice to him >:(

 

Jolyne: i reallllly need to get going i have a date and as much as i enjoy being this conversation i am going to be LATEEEE

 

Josuke: im almost back now

 

Josuke: you can just leave he wont even notice you go

 

Johnny: date? 👀

 

Jolyne: yesssss :3

 

Jolyne: with hermessss <3

 

Johnny: ohhhh damn

 

Johnny: have fun!!

 

Josuke: not Too much fun..

 

Jolyne: shut uour homo ass up

 

Josuke: YOU shut YOUR homo ass up

 

Johnny: lets all put our homo asses down please

 

Jolyne: whatevsssss ill update yall laterrrr

 

Josuke: BYE

 

Jolyne: Byeeee!!


-

Jonathan: hello all ❤️❤️ i love you all and appreciate you, thank you for the lovely meal! I am sorry i didn't get to say it properly yesterday As i was exhausted. I have Also read the chat log and must ask a few of you to have a chat with me please (im not mad, don't worry ❤️)  but first and foremost i want to remind you all of how much you mean to me.

 

Joseph: love you too so much!!!

 

Jotaro: preciate you too big guy

 

Josuke: me too!!

 

Giorno: me three <3

 

Jolyne: we love you too jona!!! <3

 

Johnny: you mean a lot to us too!!

 

Jonathan: ☺️

 

Jolyne: sorry not to ruin the moment but i totally bagged a baddie yesterday 

 

Joseph: UPDATE PLS

 

johnny: u sound like ur on reddit lol

 

Joseph: why does everyone bully me

 

Jolyne: so after pucci jumped us We went to thus cuuute lil Cafe

 

Johny: ok.

 

Johnny: i feel as if you skipped A scene here

 

Joseph: queen what.

 

Josuke: GIRLLLL

 

Jolyne: ok wait yeah pucci jumped us

 

Jolyne: but the cafe was sooo cute

 

Jolyne: and afterwards she showed me the place where she buys her makeup

 

Josuke: wait that's actually peak

 

Joseph: helloo??? Go back to pucci jumping you pls??

 

Jolyne: bro thats Literally self explanatory??  

 

Johnny: ykw hell yeah

 

Josuke: did u jump him back

 

Jolyne: Duh

 

Giorno: i can get abbacchio to pull some strings to get him chucked in the slammer?

 

Josuke: HELL YEA

 

Joseph: YEAAAAAH

 

Giorno: Ill try <3






Passione

 

Giorno: @abba

 

Abbacchio: dont fucking speak to me

 

Bruno: hi giorno <3

 

Giorno: hello :)

 

Giorno: abbitchio would you be able to get a guy called pucci behind bars please

 

Abbacchio: ABBITCHIO?????

 

Giorno: typo

 

Mista: LMFAO 💀💀💀

 

Fugo: sigh.

 

Bruno: don't start you two

 

Giorno: i would do it myself but Im already suspended because we “‘tortured'” a guy 😒

 

Giorno: id rather avoid more hastle

 

narancia: O shit did u rly get suspended

 

Narancia: they only told me off!!!

 

Giorno: hi Nara, yes 

 

Giorno: your school record has taken enough hits, It was simpler to just take one for The team :)

 

Fugo: man ily

 

Mista: youre awesome Giogio <3

 

Giorno: anything for you guys

 

Giorno: abbitchio can you do me the favour or no

 

Abbacchio: you absolute fucking pest

 

Abbacchio: youve got everyone else fooled . But not me.

 

Giorno: thats not a no

 

Bruno: be nice, abba

 

Abbacchio: yeah ok

 

Abbacchio: fine  .

 

Abbacchio: send me his details in dms or whatever

 

Trish: lol ur so whipped




-----



Giorno: @Jolyne he will see what he can do 🫡

 

Jolyne: omg Ur the best

 

Jolyne: i love your little mafia 

 

Giorno: haha we are just a large friend group <3

 

Josuke: real actually 

 

Josuke: ive never actually met all of them icl theyre a bit Intimidating 

 

Giorno: really??

 

Josuke: yeah that emo guy is scary 😭😭

 

Jolyne: diva with the fierce bob too

 

jolyne: he gives off fuck around find out vibes

 

Giorno: josu Dont be afraid of abbacchio hes a whore and a bitch

 

Josuke: noted

 

Giorno: and jolyne bruno is super nice!! Hes only mean to evil people

 

Jolyne: also noted

 

Josuke: I think mista and okuyasu might get along

 

Josuke: im not sure if theyve ever actually met

 

Giorno: oh yeah, im not sure either actually 

 

Giorno: how is okuyasu these days?

 

Josuke: good!! Hes getting by

 

Jotaro: ur bitch ass always talking aboht someone being bi

 

Josuke: 😭

 

Jotaro: oh i misread

 

Josuke: man. What did i do to you to deserve this

 

Jotaro: sorry joseph pissed me off earlier

 

Jolyne: icl you're always pissed off

 

Jotaro: Because one of you is always on my fucking nerves

 

Josuke: Christ

 

Josuke: what crawled up your ass and died

 

Jolyne: kakyoin

 

Josuke: HAH

 

Jotaro: do NOT start with me 

 

Josuke: YOU started wirh ME ?????

 

Giorno: mmmmm dont fight

 

Giorno: jonathan is already ‘not mad, but disappointed and concerned’ with you

 

Josuke: .

 

Josuke: good point.

 

Josuke: Ill get u next time..

 

Jotaro: jolyne youre next

 

Jolyne: NO

 

Jolyne: pls i love u

 

Jolyne: you wont actually do anything 😘

 

Jotaro: yeah ill be fr i was just bored 

 

Jolyne: menace



Jonathan: dont fight eachother physically please, It it must be done do it outside

 

Jonathan: Johnnys not been online for a while, has anyone seen him?

 

Giorno: nope 

 

Jonathan: He has mail but i cannot find him :((

 

Joseph: MAIL???

 

Joseph: 👀👀👀

 

Jonathan: down

 

Jonathan: Not for you

 

Joseph: 💔

 

Jolyne: ooooh mailll….

 

Jonathan: not for you either, Do not pry into his mail please

 

Josuke: actually yeah Where has be been

 

Joseph: oh wait sorry hes probably at the Zeppelis’ 

 

Jonathan: @johnny are you alive

 

Johnny: no sorry i died

 

Jonathan: oh dear

 

Joseph: u have mail bitch

 

Joseph: come open It 

 

Johnny: wait what

 

Johnny: tell them Im not here

 

Jonathan: ?

 

Jonathan: tell who

 

Johnny: im not handing over anything

 

Joseph: im

 

Jolyne: are you being hunted by someone 😭???

 

Johnny: im NOT giving them ANYTHING

 

Jonathan: what Is happening johnny

 

Joseph: its just a letter bro theyre nkt gonna get u twin ur safe bro fr

 

Johnny: oh a letter??

 

Johnny: yeah idgaf Open it

 

Jolyne: YES

 

Joseph: YESSSSS

 

Jonathan: 😕 sigh

 

Jonathan: okay

 

Joseph: WWHATIS JTTT

 

josuke: WAIT WHAT

 

Jolyne: MAIL REVEAL

 

Jonathan: oh!! Its an invite to participate in a horse race!

 

Joseph: YOOOOO

 

Josuke: joejoe thats amazing!!!

 

Johnny: yea bin it lol

 

Joseph: :O?

 

Johnny: you can bin it im not going 

 

Joseph: whyyyy!!!!! Pls..give me an excuse to Get off work

 

Johnny: yeah no after sbr I need to Never race publicly again thanks

 

Jolyne: ykw i cant argue with that

 

Jonathan: yes, fair enough- although i will set it aside instead of binning it

 

Josuke: yeahhh dude thats valid

 

Josuke: hows gyro

 

Josuke: youve been spending sm time At the Zeppelis..

 

Johnny: hes fine 

 

Johnny: annoying as fuck 

 

Jolyne: brokeback mountain ass

 

Johnny: GO AWAY

 

Jolyne: NEVERRRR

 

Josuke: LMAO

 

Johnny: what are YOU laughing at

 

Josuke: YOU LOL

 

Johnny: Tonio's, 6.30pm, february 13th

 

Josuke: wait no

 

Josuke: i take it back lol

 

Johnny: lol indeed..

 

Josuke: 😕 i forgot youre a freak

 

Johnny: a fatal error

 

Jolyne: you walked right into that broski

 

Josuke: broski???

 

Josuke: what year are we in bitch

 

Jolyne: go away

 

Jolyne: youre jealous i bagged a baddie and you didnt

 

Josuke: well

 

Johnny: 🤨

 

Josuke: ok.

 

Josuke: if i refute you Johnny will start being evil wirh his blackmail folders

 

Josuke: illback down- But know you havent won.

 

Jolyne: sounds like eempty Threats from a sore loser 😎

 

Notes:

hey yall, do you have a particular jojo duo that you think is underappreciated? i cant think of one off the top of my head but i do love kakyoin and Avdol!! theyre besties fr

Chapter 6

Notes:

Helllooooo! Sorry if the formatting is odd i am uploading on my ohone 😞😞 i bring you more jojo slop <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Jolyne: HELP

 

Jolyne: CODE REDDDD

 

Johnny: ??????

 

Jolyne: I MISTOOK JOSUKE FOR JOSEPH

 

Joseph: genuinely how the fuck

 

Jolyne: HE HAD HIS HAIR DOW N

 

Jolyne: HEL

 

Jolyne: HWSGINA KILL ME

 

Jotaro: good grief

 

Jotaro: they have completely different hair colours, how did you even manage that

 

Johnny: Oh wait guys i saw him just now

 

Johnny: she has a point

 

Jotaro: no she does not tf

 

Jotaro: oh

 

Jotaro: yeah ok she does

 

Joseph: ????? 

 

Joseph: what the hell yall

 

Joseph: i do not look like my sixteen year old brother

 

Joseph: i am a grown ass man

 

Jolyne: ARE ANY OF U FUCKS GONNA HEL P ME

 

Jolyne: HES GONNA GET M

 

Joseph: Wait .

 

Joseph: what the FUCK

 

Joseph: I see him in the living room throwing joly around

 

Joseph: why does he look like me.

 

Johnny: Ikr!!

 

Jotaro: its frightening

 

Jolyne: YOU ASSHOLES HEEL ME 

 

Jonathan: could You keep it down you two i have an online meeting going on!

 

Jolyne: MY LIFE IS GOING TO ENF

 

Jolyne: FUCK YOU

 

Jotaro: yeah thats probably why he doesn't have his hair down much

 

Johnny: i feel like i mustve seen him with his hair down at least once before but im just drawing a blank…

 

Jolyne: YOURE ALL GOING TO HELL

 

Joseph: 😭yeah, theres no way we went this long without noticing

 

Johnny: oh wait no he usually jas his hair up even If its not styled 

 

Joseph: O YEAAA

 

Joseph: mystery solved

 

Jolyne: KILLYOURSEL

 

Jotaro: Are yall still going at It goddamn

 

Jotaro: what did you even say to him 

 

Jolyne:ISCALED HKM JOSEPH

 

Jolyne: AND I WAS LIEKOH SORRY I DDNT RECOGNIZ YOU WROUHT YOUE FUCKASS HAIER

 

Jotaro: youre so incredibly stupid

 

Joseph: yeah thatll do it

 

Johnnh: sigh.

 

Jolyne: FUCKKK YOU

 

Giorno: whats happening

 

Jotaro: dont worry ab it 

 

Giorno: okay :)

 

Giorno: i beat up a guy today

 

Joseph: Well done!!!!!!!

 

Joseph: thats amazing!!!!

 

Jotaro: uh

 

Johnny: ykw hell yeah CONGRATS

 

Giorno: !! <3

 

Giorno: He is in hospital!!!

 

Joseph: ok

 

Joseph: less amazing!

 

Jolyne: IM.ABOHT TO BE SENT TO JOSPITAL IF ONE OF YOU DOESNT HELP MEEEEE

 

Giorno: no, its okay he attacked first 🫶

 

Giorno: legally all the details have been sorted 🫶

 

Johnny: wait thats epic

 

Johnny: how did you beat him up giogio

 

Giorno: shovel <3

 

Joseph: i love Me a good shovel

 

Giorno: :D AND 

 

Giorno: i found a cool frog on my way home!!

 

Johnny: ohh send pics!!!

 

Jolyne: genuinely fuc K you guya S

 

Giorno: img.frog

 

Joseph: woaaa

 

Jotaro: very very nice indeed giorno

 

Giorno: and!!!!!

 

Johnny: wow!!! Your day keeps getting Better :O

 

Joseph: <3

 

Giorno: fugo taught me how to bake!!!!

 

Joseph: aaaa!!! Giogio thats so cute

 

Giorno: i am so very happy today!

 

Johnny: ❤️❤️ happy for u bud!! 

 

Jotaro: youll have to bake it for us sometime

 

Giorno: i will try!!

 

Joseph: i want to squish your little cheeks 😭😭🫶 giogio come find me when youre home

 

Giorno: 😭??

 

Giorno: i was thinking maybe dad would enjoy something baked but im not too sure

 

Jonathan: Oh giorno thats amazing!! You are simply very endearing! Very thoughtful of you

 

Jotaro: you can treat him when he gets out of prison

 

Giorno: yeah i dont think security would let me get cake in

 

Joseph: WAHHH😭❤️🫶

 

Joseph: my baby siblings ilove you All so muchhh

 

Jotaro: are you drunk 

 

Jotaro: its broad daylight 

 

Joseph: god forbid a man be emotional 😒

 

Johnny: oh its gotten quiet 

 

Joseph: true

 

Joseph: @jolyne r u alivee 👀

 

Jolyne: fuck you.

 

Jolyne: fuck allof you.

 

Johnny: sorry i am NOT getting involved with Josuke hair related business ❤️

 

Jotaro: yep

 

Joseph: 🫡

 

Jolyne: all of you are gojng to HELL.

 

Jolyne: btw giorno thats so lovely! Glad youve had an awesome day

 

Giorno: thank You :)

 

Giorno: dont go in the basement

 

Jolyne: ?

 

Johnny: ????😰

 

Jotaro: 😕

 

Joseph: 😭.

 

Joseph: yeah . Ok.

 

-

Josuke: guysss i just hit a guy with my bike 😭

 

Jonathan: oh dear- Are you okay?

 

Josuke: im fine yeahhhh but hes sort of bleeding

 

Jonathan: hmmm have you gotten his info?

 

Josuke: uhh no

 

Josuke: i did reverse over him three times though 

 

Jonathan: thats not really ideal

 

Josuke: im Like 40% sure hes evil

 

Jonathan: pic?

 

Josuke: img.7 [Guy ran Over and bleeding on the road, the Image is slightly Blurry and zoomed In]

 

Jonathan: !!!

 

Jonathan: Youd best get out of there please

 

Jonathan: asap

 

Josuke: Yesboss 🫡

 

Jotaro: ohmygoddd ??

 

Jotaro: u ran over angelo??😭😭

 

Jotaro: he literally escaped death row

 

Josuke: 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 😬 

 

Jonathan: are you away??

 

Josuke: yeaaah, oh lord

 

Josuke: ill call the cops now 

 

Josuke: guys Im too young to go to jail 💔

 

Jolyne: 😒

 

Josuke: <3

 

Jonathan: for what its worth they probably will be more preoccupied with getting angelo into custody

 

Josuke: no joke😭 ive never seen them arrive so quickly

 

Josuke: yikessss

 

Josuke: yeah im coming home now wtf

 

Josuke: ive got the heebie jeebies

 

Jotaro: ok

 

Jotaro: im hosting an intervention

 

Josuke: ??

 

Jotaro: you have to use normal slang from now on

 

Jotaro: i cannot take it anymore

 

Josuke: wtf.

 

Jotaro: @everyone 

 

Johnny: LOLLLLLL

 

Johnny: yeah sounds fun

 

Joseph: i absolutely agree

 

Josuke: YALL SUCK

 

Josuke: I AM TRAUMATISED FROM THIS CRIMINAL AND YOURE ALL GANGING UP ON ME !!!

 

Jolyne: you ran him over like 4 times

 

Jolyne: im in on whatever jotaro is doing

 

Josuke: wtfffff

 

Jotaro: youre now allowed to use fuckass words like ‘Heebie jeebie’ anymore

 

Jolyne: wait no actually 

 

Jolyne: im not participating 

 

Jolyne: i think its so fun when he acts like an elderly homosexual man

 

Josuke: im

 

Josuke: thanks???

 

Josuke: I guess

 

Jotaro: sigh.

 

Jonathan: are you sure youre okay Josuke?

 

Josuke: yeah!! Dont worry :)

 

Jonathan: brilliant

 

Jonathan: okuyasu is waiting for you at home

 

Johnny: looks like Hes about to fall asleep honestly

 

Josuke: ahhh !!!! Ok!!

 

Josuke: would you be able to keep him busy for just ten more minutes? Ive stopped by the store

 

Johnny: ofcourse bro 

 

Josuke: thanks broham 😘

 

Jotaro: No normal person uses the word broham

 

Joseph: LOL

 

Joseph: wait Josuke if ur at the store can you plsplsplsplspls pretty pleaseeeee buy me a cok 🥺

 

Josuke: uh?

 

Johnny: cock??

 

Josuke: im going to say no to that

 

Josuke: im not buying you a cock 

 

Joseph: WHAT

 

Joseph: WAIT I MEANT COKE

 

Joseph: COKE!!! THE DRINK!!!

 

Joseph: A COLA

 

Josuke: HAH

 

Johnny: i hate u 

 

Joseph: WTV

 

Joseph: WHATEVEERRRR

 

Josuke: Ill be home soon x

 

 

Notes:

Question of the chapter 🤔 what other animes/mangas do yall enjoy appart from jojos 🤔 i need more recs !!

Chapter 7

Notes:

hello guys ( SBR TRAILER AHHHH YAY YAY YAY) you guessed it, more slop

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Jonathan: how does one gag

 

Joseph: i dont like ehat youre asking 

 

Jotaro: eat something gross? Smell something bad ?

 

Jonathan: thats what i assumed

 

Jonathan: But i don't understand

 

Jolyne: OH SHITTT

 

Jolyne: GAGGEDDDDD

 

Jolyne: thats when u do something and its like oh em gee.. gagged

 

Jolyne: lowkeyyyy 

 

Jolyne: uncle dio when he pulled up to the function in that CUNTY yellow mini jacket And matching yellow trousers

 

Jolyne: green lipstick

 

Jolyne: i cant even lie to you. Such a diva

 

Jonathan: i see

 

Jotaro: bitch What are you on

 

Jotaro: that outfit was so bad

 

Jolyne: YOU dont get to chat about a bad outfit

 

Jolyne: how many belts does one man need

 

jotaro: now you've made it personal.

 

Giorno: i think bruno is very stylish

 

Giorno: gagged

 

Jolyne: TRUEEEEE

 

Jolyne: and the other guy too

 

Jolyne: abbitchio??

 

Giorno: please call him that to his face

 

Giorno: yes

 

Jolyne: 😰😰 are you going to get me murked

 

Giorno: not at all

 

Jonathan: so, do i gag?

 

Giorno: 🙂

 

Jotaro: 👍

 

Jolyne: ues ofcourse 

 

Jolyne: i especially like when you wore three shirts On top of one another wirh a hat and a bowtie

 

Jolyne: and the tightest pants known to man

 

Jolyne: gagged

 

Jotaro: literally 

 

Jonathan: splendid 

 

Johnny: why are we gagging

 

Johnny: what happened

 

Jolyne: BITCHHH

 

Jolyne: you got yourself a boyfriend and dissappeared from yhe chat 😕

 

Johnny: i am also employed and also a student still?

 

Johnny: what do you want from me

 

Jolyne: take me shopping

 

Johnny: hell no

 

Johnny: AW HELLLLL NAW

 

Johnny: HELLLLLLLLL NAHHHHH

 

Jolyne: Okay damn 😭😭😭

 

Giorno: triple take is crazy

 

Johnny: have uour lady friend take you on a date

 

Johnny: shop with her

 

Jolyne: KYAAA WE SHOULDDDD

 

Jotaro: i know what you are

 

Johnny: i cant believe i have to repeat myself this much

 

Johnny: we all know what YOU are

 

Jotaro: bitch

 

Joseph: JOHNYYYYYYYYY

 

Joseph: WHERE R U 

 

Joseph: QUIFK 

 

Joseph: QUIC WUICK QUICK

 

Johnny: 🤨

 

Joseph: HWLP, 

 

Joseph: DIEGO IS CRAWLING AT MEEEEE

 

Johnny: oh throw a rock at him

 

Joseph: WH

 

johnny: aim for his head

 

Joseph: HE 

 

Joseph: ATE IT

 

Johnny: yea

 

Johnny: 👍

 

Joseph: i hate your generation

 

Joseph: im so afraid

 

Johnny: where even are you bro 😭😭

 

Joseph: i wanted to suprise you with lunch 😕 at school 

 

Johnny: dont use me as an excuse to get off work you sleaze

 

Joseph: ok i was running away from my boss but only Because hes insane

 

Johnny: coming from u….

 

Jotaro: thats such a hypocritical thing to say

 

Joseph: you have NOT met kars he is WEIRD

 

Jotaro: Sigh

 

Jolyne: ok i asked her out againn ahhhh

 

Joseph: Omg

 

Jolyne: go away jose

 

Jolyne: go be employed

 

Joseph: I DONT WANNAAA

 

Jolyne: earn that cash so you can buy me more rhings

 

Joseph: hell naw

 

Jolyne: why do you all hate me and want me to die

 

Jotaro: tch

 

Jolyne: go 2 hell asshole

 

Johnny: wait leave the food before you go x thx

 

Joseph: no one here loves me

 

Johnny: yeah



-




Jonathan: hello everyone! ☺️ 

 

Jonathan: Robert Will be visiting this evening!

 

Joseph: SPEEDWAGONNNNNN !!! 

 

Jolyne: THE MAN THR MYTH THR LEGENFDDDD

 

Josuke: Omg whats the occasion

 

Jonathan: friendiverdary!!

 

Josuke: wow

 

Jolyne: does erina know you have a rich oil tycoon pinning for you

 

Jonathan: Robert doesn't solely operate with oil 

 

Josuke: a misdirect …..wow

 

Jonathan: ofcourse erina knows, Joly!

 

Giorno: what time is he coming! 

 

Jonathan: this afternoon at around four 

 

Giorno: bummer :( ill be out at that time,  hopefully ill catch him before he leaves 

 

Josuke: what are you gonna be out for 👀👀

 

Jolyne: nosey bitch

 

Josuke: go away

 

Giorno: an excursion 

 

Josuke: how splendid

 

Josuke: dont do anything i wouldnt do x

 

Giorno: ☺️

 

Joseph: if rob is coming does that mean we're having roast dinner

 

Jonathan: yes ☺️

 

Jotaro: FUCK

 

Jolyne: Fuck 💔

 

Jonathan: don't worry I will ofcourse make alternatives for Those who prefer to eat something else 

 

Jolyne: i love you Jonathan you are an angel

 

Jotaro: Thank u jona 🗣🙏




-

 

Johnny: code red i repeat code red

 

Josuke: what was code red i forgot 

 

Jolyne: uhrrmmm ..

 

Johnny: come on joly rub those two neurons together you can spark a thought with them

 

Josuke: HAH

 

Giorno: hiiii

 

Giorno: wasnt “code red” code for I beat someone up and i need bailing out?

 

Josuke: hmmm no that was code green

 

Giorno: why green?

 

Johnny: because you wouldnt expect it to be green

 

Johnny: unexpect the expected 

 

Jolyne: sounds about right

 

Jotaro: was code red 'im being impersonated’ one

 

Giorno: I wasnt aware that was a thing

 

Johnny: that was never a code dickwad im talking abot CODE RED !!

 

Jotaro: Yes it fucking was you twerp

 

Josuke: no that was code purple

 

Giorno: is johnny perhaps bleeding out?

 

Giorno: blood, Hence the red?

 

Josuke: Are you on your period

 

Jotaro: no thats code “im bleeding out”

 

Giorno: oh

 

Giorno: i see

 

Johnny: DIO IS OUT AND ABOUTTTTT

 

Jotaro: WHAT

 

Josuke: ??!WHAR

 

Jotaro: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE US GUESS THAT YOU TWAT

 

Johnny: IDK I DIDNT WANT TO ALARM U

 

Jotaro: ???? YOU MAKE NO SENSE YOU SLAG

 

Johnny: FUCK YOU

 

Jolyne: DUDE WHAT

 

Jolyne: is he on parole ????

 

Johnny: man idfk but unless he has a doppleganger out there that was definitely him

 

Josuke: hey man it can hapoen to anyone 🥀

 

jotaro: True that 🥀

 

Johnny: stfu im not loser enough to get impersonated 

 

Jolyne: Well actually 

 

Johnny: shut up

 

Giorno: oh!! Yes he is out for a day 

 

Giorno: on good behaviour they're letting me go to the movies with him today!!

 

Jolyne: watdafuq

 

Jotaro: ill deal with whatever just came out of your phone later jolyne

 

Jolyne: ☹️ its my whimsy

 

Jotaro: you are going to hell

 

Jolyne: not like youre seeing the pearly gates either homotron 30000

 

Jotaro: ive had it

 

Jolyne: we all know that

 

Jotaro: SHUT UP

 

Jotaro: DINT PISS ME OFF

 

Jolyne: 😛

 

Johnny: Oh sweet what movie are you seeing giogio

 

Giorno: im not confident well make it to the movie theatre before dad attacks someone but at least the walk will be nice 

 

Johnny: awesome

 

Jonathan: wow! Say hello from me!!

 

Giorno: will do!

 

Giorno: he says hi back

 

Johnny: im somehow doubtful

 

Giorno: he embellished it a little bit 

 

Notes:

question of this chapter, are yall manga readers or do you prefer the anime? personally i lean more towards the anime but sbr is my absolute fav!! you can probably guess i havent read enough of jojolion or jojolands to include them :<

Notes:

lmk your headcanons for any jojo characters!! kudos and comments are always greatly appreciated <3

Series this work belongs to: