Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cody jumped, hearing the front door slam behind him. "Okay… what did I do this time?" he muttered, turning to face his fiancee.

"Really?" Shay's tell-tale Puerto-Rican attitude laced her voice, and she couldn't possibly squint her brows any tighter. Oh wait- she did. "You just couldn't resist, could you? You just had to blast me on your fucking Twitch channel for all to see, ah? Tan bello, Cody precioso."

He sat up, running a hand through his hair. "Wait, what are you talking about? I thought you liked the video! It was meant to be a joke, remember?" He scoffed. "Not that it's super inaccurate…"

"Excuse me?" Shay walked up to his face and sneered. "Maybe I wouldn't have anything to criticize if you actually kept the house clean while I'm away. All I ever find when I get home is dirty laundry on the bedroom floor, old food on the counter, and an empty fridge. Would it absolutely murder you to help out around here?"

"I do! I work my ass off cleaning, while you're out doing who knows what- you never even have the decency to tell me about your workday- and I'm over here doing everything I can to please you. But you're never satisfied! It's like you only think the house is clean when you're the one to clean it! I'm so sick of this!"

It was Shay's turn to scoff. "Oh really? Who knows what I'm doing, ah… what about what you're doing? I come home to find you passed out on the couch, probably drunk off your ass for all I care. And what is your deal with that Awsten dude? It's like you're obsessed with his band or something…"

Cody's eyes widened and his voice lowered. "I'm not obsessed. Excuse the fuck out of me for finding an awesome new band that I love to listen to! What's your music taste limited to? Oh yeah, Latin rhythms- what a creative playlist you have!" He rolled his eyes and began to storm off to the bathroom.

Shay followed him, her voice retaining its volume. "Yeah? Well all I know is, if you go running off to fuck him one day, I'll be blasting your fucking face all over my social media, you can just bet on it!"

She stomped off into the bedroom and Cody was finally left in silence. He sighed, sliding down against the bathroom door.

Awsten shut his laptop and leaned back on the couch. He sighed, running his hands through his light green hair. That was a fun distraction while it lasted. All he usually needed was to make a video for the fandom, whether it was about unboxing (like this one), or just a quick one about his hair dye not lasting long enough. But lately, he missed his bandmates.

He wished he could text Geoff. Or Otto. He needed familiar faces to be able to talk to about his feelings. Not some random band members he barely knew.

Zach and Maxx were nice though. They happily took him in when his own bandmates finally got sick of him making a big scene over the breakup. Though Awsten wasn't sure he was all that upset anymore. Not about the breakup, that is.

It was really something else that kept prickling his mind from time to time. Zach and Maxx were members of the band Set It Off, which had one more guy- the singer. Awsten rarely saw him, since he lived with his fiancee, but he always got a good impression of Cody. Maybe a better one than he wanted to admit.

Ever since Awsten's big breakup with Ciara, the fans had showed a devastating amount of sympathy on Twitter. It generally ranged from 'aww, maybe she'll come back around one day' to 'screw that bitch, you have geoff & otto'. He couldn't help chuckling as he read each tweet, shaking his head. They truly had no idea what ran through his head.

For a long time, the fandom had been suspecting Awsten's sexuality was, well, not straight. They called him gay, although that wasn't clearly the case. After all, he had been dating a girl for several years before they called it quits. Plus, it wasn't even him who wanted to do so- Awsten had the unfortunate privilege to come home after tour one day and find Ciara screwing another dude. What was he supposed to say? 'Honey I'm sorry, let's just keep dating'?

Awsten closed his eyes, ready to nap on the couch. Then, he heard the front door open. "Hey Awsten! Nice to see you again!"

He tried to contain his excitement as he sat up, immediately recognizing the deep voice. "C-Cody? Wow, long time no see, for sure. How's Shay?"

Cody walked into the living room and smiled. It seemed pained though. "Ah, she's- you know. Shay is Shay, haha." He ran a hand through his hair, not-so-subtlely changing the subject. "So where're the boys?"

"Oh, they video-bombed me and then went out for a swim. Just the usual, haha."

"Fair enough," Cody chuckled and Awsten had to resist smiling. He had missed that throaty sound. "Well, since they went AWOL, you wanna do something?"

Awsten grinned. "Sure, why not?"

Chapter Text

"You wanna listen to something?" Cody scrolled through his phone as Awsten followed him into the kitchen.

"Oh uh, sure. Whatever you want." Awsten grabbed a Pacific Cooler out of the fridge and leaned against the island.

Cody raised an eyebrow. "You- drink Capri-Sun?"

"Yeah… why?"

"Nothing, just… I thought I was the only one who still did that, haha. Most people I know would think that's a little kid's drink." Cody chuckled.

"No way, dude! I love it. Especially this flavor." Awsten shook the pouch a little. "It might be little kid-ish, but eh. Like I don't have bigger issues for people to judge me for."

Cody chose to ignore the statement, not entirely sure what it meant. Instead, he found the perfect song to equate what happened with him and Shay earlier that day. He smiled as the song started, not realizing yet that the person singing it was currently with him.

Suddenly, Awsten coughed, his juice not quite finding the correct pathway down his esophagus. It got so severe that Cody had to come over and pat his back, until Awsten could breathe again and drank some water to calm down further. Cody laughed nervously as he gave Awsten some space. "You alright there, man?"

"No yeah, it's just-" Awsten paused, hearing the second verse of Easy To Hate. "You're playing my song--I mean--my band's song."

"Oh, that." Cody sighed, smiling a little. "Yeah I kinda needed it right now, honestly. Why, does it, like make you uncomfortable? Hearing your own voice and all?"

Awsten ran a hand through his hair. "Oh no, no way. I guess… I just didn't realize you liked my band, is all. When you asked if I wanted to hear something, I didn't exactly expect to hear my own voice coming out of your phone, haha…"

Cody grinned. "Yeah dude! I- I actually love your band. I've kinda gotten on a Parx kick lately, to be honest."

Awsten's heart fluttered at the nickname for his band. "Oh yeah? What are your faves?"

"Definitely Easy To Hate, Turbulent, and I'm A Natural Blue." Cody paused. "I'll tell you a secret- I actually dyed my hair blue for our last album because of your song. I was just super into it, and it ended up sparking a whole blue era for me, haha."

"Whoa," Awsten's eyes widened as he took a cautious sip from his drink. "That's like, uber cool, dude. I can't believe you liked our song that much, to do that. It's such a big honor, for real."

"Honor? I wouldn't go that far…"

"No man, I mean it. I've loved Set It Off since you first started years ago. It's insane we're even talking to each other right now." Awsten finished his drink and tossed the empty pouch in the recycle bin.

The front door slammed, making both guys jump. When they entered the living room, they saw Zach and Maxx laughing and shoving each other.

"She wouldn't- Pistol's a good cat!"

"Dude, you're delusional. Cats are cats, they hunt and tear things apart. You just don't want to know what would happen if she turned wild on you."

Cody paused whatever was playing on his phone, poised to interrupt. "So why is it that everytime I come back, you two discuss horrific scenarios? Your senses of humor are so fucked, my dudes."

Maxx scoffed. "Says the guy who posted a way-too-real video detailing Shay's cleaning habits. Bet you scored points for that one, huh bro?" He laughed, probably thinking a snarky comment was about to fire back.

Instead, it was like Cody actually shrunk. Really, he only shrunk down against the counter, but it might have been less noticeable if he didn't grimace. "Shay wasn't too thrilled about that… we had a huge fight before I got here. Kinda the reason I had to get away in the first place. I wasn't really gonna say anything, but yeah…"

"Oh no… I'm sorry- I shouldn't have said anything either." Maxx's eyes widened.

"Nah, you're good, you didn't know, it's fine. But yeah, I don't know what I'm gonna do honestly." Cody sighed. "She's always been a little high-strung, but lately- I don't know. Everything seems to bother her. She practically accused me of cheating on her through a phone! When all I've been doing is listening to someone's music! Like, what the fuck?"

Awsten stayed quiet, hating himself for hoping he was the person Shay thought Cody was cheating with.

"Well," Zach put an arm around Cody. "If worse turns to worst, you always have us. Hell, you can move in here if you have to."

Cody grinned. "That would be awesome. Just quit the sleepwalking, alright? Someone's gonna trip over you one morning, and I've already had my fair share of injuries this week." He rubbed his ankle, winking at Awsten as if to say, You're next. The second guy however, had to pretend the wink meant nothing to him. Because… it actually didn't. Right?

Chapter Text

Later that day, Cody asked the boys if he could just stay over. He needed some time to think away from his demanding fiancee. Of course, everyone was thrilled. Then, Maxx asked if Cody could sleep in Awsten's room.

"Oh uh, no problem," he had said. It shouldn't be that big of a deal, sharing a room with your crush, right? After all, he knew Cody was taken anyway. Although there was that comment… "Wait, I only have one bed though."

Cody smiled. "Doesn't bother me. I'm down for double-bunking if you are, haha."

If only he knew how much Awsten wished that statement had more feeling behind it.

"Hey uh, Cody?" Awsten said, walking into the room. The other guy was sitting on the bed writing in a journal of some sort.

"Yeah, what's up?"

"I- I was just wondering. This isn't gonna cause any issues between you and Shay, is it?" Awsten wrung his hands, wondering if this was too forward of a question to ask. "I know you had said she was worried about you cheating…"

Cody raised an eyebrow. "What's the matter, you think something's gonna happen?" he teased, laughing and shoving Awsten when he reddened and tried taking back what he said. "Relax dude! I was just kidding. And besides, if anything did happen, maybe it'd teach Shay a lesson, you know? Like, you want to envision me cheating so much, well now it happened!" he laughed even harder. Especially since this was the guy she had speculated about.

Awsten didn't know what to make of Cody's answer, so he just mumbled, "Yeah I guess so," grabbing his toothbrush and heading to the bathroom.

When he got back, he found Cody fast asleep on the right side of the bed, his journal loosely sitting in the palm of his up-facing, outstretched right hand. The pen was nowhere to be found.

Awsten smiled sadly. He couldn't help but observe how Cody's lip ring fogged up with each outward breath, making Awsten's small reflection dissipate every few seconds. He always noticed the little details.

It was a flaw of Awsten's, noting the small things in life while everyone else traveled larger distances. Sure, he enjoyed tour, but his favorite time was being at home alone, where he could properly document his experiences. Maybe this was why he partially blamed himself for Ciara's folly.

After all, who wants to be close with someone who always goes away and even when they're here, it's like- where was his head at? He was only kidding himself when he left for months at a time, acting like it was his favorite place in the world, which he convinced himself was the reason Ciara became bored with the routine. Whenever he came home though, it wasn't even for her. The first and foremost thing on his mind was, and probably always would be, expressing himself by songwriting.

Awsten quietly put his toothbrush away and, after debating about it for a minute, decided to keep his shirt on before climbing into bed. He shut the lights out and his thoughts wandered helplessly before eventually drifting off into dreamland. If I do end up being gay, I hope Cody's the one to prove it.

Chapter Text

When Awsten woke up, Cody was nowhere to be found. His side of the bed was empty except for the same journal from the night before, only open to whatever he'd been writing before he left. Tempting.

He didn't want to betray Cody's trust, but his curiosity got the better of him. He could hear the water running in the bathroom, so he took the opportunity to lean over in bed.

Today, I had a big blow-up with Shay. I knew she was anal, but she really lost it this time. In hindsight, I guess the video may have been taking it too far. But how was I supposed to know she'd be so fucking dramatic about it? It was only a joke, after all.

I wish relationships were as easy as friendships. Joking comes easy, everything flows, no one has to worry about getting hurt because it's mutually understood- people are allowed to tease each other. It shouldn't make a difference as long as it's meant well. I know Shay can be sensitive, but making a joke about her OCD and cleaning spells should not have sparked such a fire.

I hate the way we've become over the last few days. It's like I can't do anything anymore without getting on her last nerve, and vice versa. I know I love her, but I'm starting to think we're not good for each other.

You know what I feel? I feel like we're magnets. Magnets are odd- they're attracted to direct opposites of each other, but somehow they're stuck together. No matter how different they may be, they're stuck no matter what. If that's true, then I guess I'm stuck. I'm only magnetic to Shay because she's so different I should hate her. Or something like that. Maybe that would be a good song lyric.

The water stopped running and Awsten forced himself to tear his eyes away. It wasn’t like he'd read anything new or even out of the ordinary. Cody had said the day before that he had a fight with Shay; although, he never said they weren't good for each other anymore. It must be more serious than he wanted to share.

Which of course, made Awsten feel even worse that he read the journal. It was only that page, but regardless. He felt like he'd intruded on something personal- because he had. God knows what Awsten himself would have done if someone got their hands on his precious songbook. Shit, his bandmates knew. They joked a lot amongst themselves about Awsten's little violent tendencies, but in all seriousness, they knew never to touch his book- it was like cutting open his brain and anyone needed explicit permission to do that.

Still, he couldn't stop thinking about the last thing Cody had written. We're magnetic to the people we hate the most. He was definitely onto something, thinking of making it into a song lyric.

Cody walked back into the room, avoiding Awsten's eyes. It was obvious enough to make Awsten think he'd been caught reading the journal, but the other guy never mentioned it. He just smiled a little and ran a hand through his hair.

It was enough to trigger flashbacks for Awsten. Flashbacks from the night before.

Chapter Text

~the night before~

Awsten had been dreaming about Cody. He knew the closeness wasn't all that accurate, since there was no way Cody actually would have reciprocated his feelings in real life, but nevertheless, he relished the fantasy.

In said dream, Cody reached out to Awsten across a field of yellow daisies, which Awsten liked to call 'yellow lovelies.'

'Like you?' Cody had asked in the dream.

"Nah,' Awsten had answered, 'you're my yellow lovely. I'm a natural blue. Always have been, always will be.'

Cody had grinned widely. 'Well, maybe I can help that blue go away.' That was when he had stepped closer to Awsten, cupped his face in his hands, leaned in, and-

Reality flooded back into Awsten's senses as he was jolted awake. The room was dark like the middle of the night, but he could feel a pressure on his chest. Almost like someone's arm was draped on top of him.

Yep, Cody's arm was currently indenting Awsten's chest. The latter guy now knew why he was breathing short, shallow breaths. Slowly, he took hold of Cody's arm and pushed it off of him. But he ended up putting too much energy into it, and the other guy rolled right off of the bed, much to his sleepy shock.

Cody's yelp morphed into a groan. "Ohhhh… I- I can't- move." He let out a small breath.

Awsten scrambled to the right side of the bed to see the damage done. "Holy fuck, are you okay?" Goddamn it, the dude just said he couldn't move, you fucking idiot. "Um sorry that was stupid, I mean, what do you need?"

"Other than function of my body?" Cody smiled weakly.

Awsten could have face-palmed right then and there. "Oh- well- yeah- no- I mean-" He flushed as he forced himself to not look him over. "What can I do? Like, do you need a painkiller or something, or-"

"Nah, that's okay," Cody pushed himself up on his elbows. "I think I just got the wind knocked out of me. I could still use a hand though." Awsten leaned over the side of the bed and took Cody's hand, pulling the other guy until he could pull himself up onto his side again. "Thanks man."

Awsten smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, it was kind of my fault to begin with. I might have pushed you."

Cody raised his eyebrows. "Jeez… what did I do to deserve that?"

"Crushed my chest with your big-ass arm, that's what!" Awsten laughed nervously and got off the bed. "I'm going to the kitchen for a drink. You in?"

Cody nodded and followed him. "Sorry about that, dude. I probably should've warned you, I'm kind of a bed-hogger, heh."

"You think? But anyway, no harm done. Not to me anyway, it was you who fell off the bed." Awsten opened the fridge and got a Pacific Cooler out.

Cody gave him a playful shove, almost knocking him into the fridge before he closed it. "So funny, asshole." He opened the fridge once Awsten was seated at the island. "I think I'm gonna get something stronger. This shit with Shay… let's just say dealing with it sober's got me pretty fucked up."

Awsten grinned, knowing the reference. "Hey by all means, do what you gotta do, man. Let's just hope it doesn't get to the point I got with you and Shay."

The two guys sat down at the island and Cody popped open his bottle of beer. "So, any plans with the band coming up?"

Awsten swallowed a mouthful of Capri-Sun. "Well, I've been writing a lot of songs but also taking more breaks from everything in between. You know, music, social media, the works. I think I've been kinda overworking myself for the past few years, but I'm looking forward to the next album being a little more experimental. Hopefully the fans will approve though, haha."

"Yeah, I get that," Cody chuckled. "I've seen some of the tweets on your page and they can be pretty brutal. It's good that you're taking a breather though."

Awsten nodded, taking another sip from his drink. His fans were definitely one of a kind, that was for sure. Almost like friends who he'd never met. After all, they teased and joked with him like there was an unspoken agreement between them and him- like they knew he'd be okay with the jokes no matter what. It was heartwarming at first glance, but it got overwhelming pretty quickly.

The two guys stayed chatting for at least a couple more hours before Awsten was thinking of calling it a night. He'd managed to stop at two Capri-Suns, but Cody had already almost gone through an entire six-pack of beers, and Awsten could tell he was only getting wilder.

"Cody… it's getting later. I think we should hit the sack. Again, anyway." Awsten started to get up and lead Cody back to the bedroom.

"Aw c'mon…" Cody pouted and tried to pull back. "The night's just getting started, I didn't ev-even finish my beerrrr…" He grabbed at the last bottle in the pack, but Awsten held firmly onto his arm.

"Nah, man, we need some sleep. Just no more bed-hogging, okay?" Awsten chuckled.

"No promises…" Cody giggled as he still tried pulling back.

Just as Awsten was about to protest again, Cody suddenly got serious. "Can… can I ask you, some-something?" he slurred his words and got closer to Awsten on the same side of the kitchen island.

"Dude! Not until you get back into bed wi- into bed. Let's go." Awsten saved himself from finishing that sentence "with me", even though that's what he was obviously still struggling to process from their discussion earlier that evening.

Cody whined and whined, but eventually he gave in and let Awsten pull him into bed and tuck him in. Only then did Awsten say, "Okay man… what's up?" Laying next to him, he tried not to focus on the short distance between Cody's lip ring and his own face.

Cody leaned on his side and propped his head up on his right hand as he continued, "Do… do you think-" hiccup "You think Shay's… my forever? Like, what if she's not…? What if it's someone I didn't realize, who's my better forever? Ha ha…" hiccup After slurring the entire time, he collapsed into a fit of giggles on his pillow as he waited for Awsten to answer his question.

Oh, how Awsten wanted to just say what was on his mind. How he had liked Cody forever, since he had learned about Set It Off. How he had wanted to be with him 24/7, 365 days a year. How he wanted to be his forever.

He had known ever since he saw the lip ring, he needed it in his teeth. He needed to run his tongue over it, feeling around the guy's mouth as his hands fumbled to keep their grip on his broad, broad shoulders. And all the while, the guy would hold him steady in his embrace, whispering sweet nothings whenever the lips managed to leave the space between.

"I think…" Awsten looked over to find Cody's eyes half-closed, and only that small detail gave Awsten the courage to say what he did next, since he was clearly not really listening anymore. At least he hoped not. "I don't think Shay's your forever… I think- I think it's me. I'm the one for you. But, I'm not here for you to love right now. I'm only here for you to hate."