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Chapter Text

The full moon shone brightly overhead, illuminating the surrounding hillside. It felt like any other night, which was why you felt no trepidation making your usual nightly rounds. The pen housing a small family of thestrals was quiet at this time, but you still checked on them regardless, making sure they were comfortable.

You were comfortable, content in the life you'd carved out for yourself in the countryside, away from both the wizarding and Muggle worlds. That's how you wanted it. No one bothered you; you could do what you wanted out here, like caring for magical creatures. You sometimes got a little lonely, but not lonely enough to seek anyone out.

There was a small wizarding town not far from you, however, which is where you went for supplies and things, and the people there knew you well enough to send wounded creatures or sometimes even people your way. You weren't a healer, exactly, but you knew enough, cared enough, that people trusted you.

And sometimes, creatures and people stumbled upon you.

Just as you were rounding the front side of the pen closest to your home, there was a sudden crashing sound in the woods nearby. Tree branches cracking and leaves rustling enough to make you draw your wand, thinking something massive was headed toward you. You peered closely into the woods, wand at the ready, when to your great shock, a hippogriff came running out. It stopped short upon seeing you and squealed loudly, obviously agitated.

Thankfully, you know enough about hippogriffs to stay still and bow low to it. You’d never seen one return a bow so quickly, but there was something definitely wrong. Not with it, at least not outwardly, but there was something else. It threw its head back, and you’d been around thestrals enough to know it was trying to get you to follow.

You did, warily, retracing its steps back into the woods. The beast only became more and more agitated, and as you ventured deeper into the woods, you realized why. There was a heap lying on the ground, a man, bloody and gaunt. You didn’t even think before jumping into action. If this man had a hippogriff’s trust, that was enough for you.

“Think you can help me get him back to my home?” you asked the hippogriff, who tossed his head in affirmation. 

The man's face was covered in bruises and blood and grime, so you couldn’t make out any distinct features. But from how thin he was, he was obviously malnourished. With the hippogriff’s help, you got the man onto its back and led it back to your home. The thestrals were at the edge of their pen, looking on curiously, possibly sensing that man was near death.

Well, you wouldn't let him die. Not if you could help it.

Once you got him inside and onto your couch, the hippogriff not leaving the man's side even though it took up most of the room, you quickly gathered what you needed to clean him up, along with a couple of potions that should help sustain him. And now that he was inside, you realized what the man was wearing under his tattered, bloody cloak. He was a prisoner, his black and white striped clothes dirty and worn. His prisoner number was tattooed on the side of his neck. And under the dirt, grime, and blood, you could see other tattoos littering his chest.

You didn't let the fact that he was a criminal bother you at the moment. He needed help right now.

And so, you cleaned the blood and grime off his skin, revealing the pale and sunken face. The more of his face you revealed, the more and more familiar the man seemed. You couldn’t quite place him, but it was right on the tip of your…

And then it hit you. You quickly snatched up a copy of the Daily Prophet that had ended up partially under the sofa. There, on the front page, laughing maniacally back at you, was the man now laid out unconscious before you: Sirius Black.

With everything the Ministry had printed about him, you supposed you should have been afraid of him, but you weren’t. The man lying on your couch now was pitiful. He wasn't a threat to anyone in this state. And criminal or not, you had never turned anyone away. Granted, someone like Voldemort had never come knocking on your door…

But as you continued to clean Sirius Black’s face, you only felt sorry for him. You knew Azkaban was one of the worst places, but… Seeing the state he was in made your heart break. You knew there were bad people in there, but this…

Once his face was clean, you lightly touched his cheek. “Don't worry. You're safe now. For whatever it's worth.”

The last thing you wanted was to have dementors swooping down on you, but… There was just something about this man…

You just hoped you didn't end up eating your words.

A day and a half later, Sirius still hadn’t regained consciousness, but his wounds were healing. That was hopeful, at least. And you still didn’t feel frightened. Perhaps living out here, alone as you were for so long, had dulled your sense of self-preservation. But there was something about the way the hippogriff kept watch over the man, guarded him, that gave you the sense that there was more here than met the eye.

Your answer came that afternoon when you were out tending to the thestrals.

“They’re looking well.”

You smiled at the familiar voice before turning to face the man. “Remus.”

Lupin smiled wearily and greeted you with your name. “Staying out of trouble?”

You glanced at the house, thinking about the man who lay within. “Trying to. But you know how things go around here. Trouble usually finds me.”

Lupin frowned and also glanced back toward the house. “Unwelcome guest?”

“Not unwelcome. Just unexpected. Kind of like you sometimes.”

“Oh, come on,” he said with a faint chuckle, walking up beside you to pat one of the thestral’s snouts. “I would think by now my visits would be expected.”

“Well, I would appreciate more visits like these and not the ones where you come to me bloody and still half-crazed. Why is it that most of my guests turn up bloody?”

“Maybe because we know we’ll be well taken care of,” Lupin offered with a smile and a shrug. He looked rough now, but at himself. He then jerked his head back toward the house. “Who showed up bloody this time?”

You eyed him momentarily, wondering if you should tell him, but you and Lupin had known each other for a long time. You trusted him. “Sirius Black.”

You weren’t expecting Lupin’s reaction. His eyes widened, and he turned to face the house. “Sirius is here?”

He then took off, leaving you to scramble after him. “Remus, wait! He’s unconscious. Whatever was done to him took a lot out of him.”

“I knew he escaped Hogwarts on the hippogriff, Buckbeak, but I had no idea where he was going. Something else must have happened on the way,” Lupin called over his shoulder as he walked in and headed for the spare bedroom. “I'm glad he ended up here.”

You stopped in the doorway, watching as Lupin bent down to examine Sirius, still unconscious.

“He already looks better,” Lupin commented.

“He looked like hell when he got here.”

Lupin winced and smiled sheepishly. “That was partly my fault. We…fought. He was trying to stop me, to calm me when I transformed, but… There was no stopping me.” He moved back the edge of Sirius's shirt to look at the now nearly healed wound he'd left on the man's shoulder. “I didn't mean to hurt him.”

“I'm sure he knew that,” you murmured. “Who is he to you? How do you know him?”

“We were at Hogwarts together. We were best friends. I guess in a way we still are. We're both outcasts.”

You stared at Sirius for a long while, studying him. He looked so helpless and innocent like this… “Is he a murderer? Did he actually do all the things the Daily Prophet says he did?”

“No,” Lupin replied without hesitation, looking at you, watching you watch Sirius. “No, he's innocent.”

He went on to explain, telling you everything, debunking everything the Prophet had written about Sirius Black. Honestly, none of it surprised you. The only reason you even bothered with the Daily Prophet nowadays was to keep in the loop. But with every lie that Lupin exposed, the more your heart ached for the unconscious man. He’d been through hell, and for what? 

You nodded when Lupin finished, now staring through Sirius rather than actually looking at him. “I knew it. Somehow, I knew…”

“You always were a good judge of character,” Lupin said with a faint smile.

You finally turned your gaze to him, returning his smile. “I sure know how to pick them… Werewolves, potential murderers…”

“Only the best of society,” he teased. He looked one more time at Sirius before heading back out to the main room of the house. “I've taken up enough of your time. I just wanted to stop by and see you on my way through. And I’m glad I did. I was wondering how he was faring… But, I need to move on.”

“Where are you headed?” you asked, walking him to the door.

He shrugged. “I don't know… I'll try to find something to do and keep out of trouble.”

You grinned. “That's all I ask. Thanks for stopping by. You know you're welcome anytime.”

“I know,” he replied with a nod and hugged you. He then pointed back toward the spare bedroom. “Take care of him. Merlin knows he could use a friend right now.”

“I understand,” you said solemnly. “I'll do my best.”

After Lupin left, you returned to Sirius's room to watch him some more. Now, you felt even sorrier for him. He spent all those years in Azkaban and was innocent… You wanted to help him even more now, but there wasn't much you could do for the wounds you couldn't see.

Sirius woke slowly to the feeling of the sun on his face. He was lying on something soft, plush… He hadn't felt so comfortable in years.

But as he became more and more aware of his surroundings, the state he was in made itself known. He ached all over, but that wasn't new. But for once, he didn't feel like he was starving. He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, finding them clean. Looking down at himself, he saw he was in clean clothes. In fact, he felt clean all over. It was an unusual feeling, and he wasn't sure he liked it. It would take some getting used to.

Sirius got up after that, taking his time. His body still felt weak, but that was to be expected. The room he was in was small but cozy, a far cry from both his cell and the places he had holed up in while he'd been keeping an eye on Harry. 

He caught sight of his reflection in the mirror near the door. He hardly recognized the man staring back at him. He was still unhealthily thin, but he was indeed clean, and even his teeth looked better. Whoever had taken care of him had gone the extra mile. 

The rest of the cottage was just as cozy. Someone had obviously lived there for a while and had carved out quite a nice little life for themselves. Knick-knacks and books covered every surface, and art and portraits moved gracefully on the walls. Pots and pans were cleaning themselves in the kitchen, a broom was sweeping the foyer… 

Sirius paused next to the kitchen table, taking in the room. His gaze fell upon a stack of books piled up on the windowsill, his own face catching his attention. He pulled out the copy of the Daily Prophet, frowning at the laughing picture of himself. Whoever lived here obviously knew who he was. But where was the owner of this little cottage?

Movement out the window caught his attention, making his frown deepen. The last creatures he expected to see were grazing in a large pen: thestrals. Two were flying overhead, one was making its way through the gate on the side and out of eyesight, while two more — an adult and a baby — were grazing within the safety of the pen.

Curious, Sirius made his way outside, catching the attention of the two thestrals still in the pen. The little one came out to him, just as curious as he was.

“Hello, little one,” he greeted and smiled when the little thestral bumped his head against Sirius's hand. He knelt and patted its neck. “Wasn't expecting to find a little beast like you out here.”

“Looks like you've made a friend.”

He looked up sharply, ready to flee, his eyes alighting on you. You smiled at him, which threw him off guard. It was a kind smile, one he hadn't been on the receiving end of in a long, long time. He wasn't used to people being… nice to him.

The thestral nuzzling his hand again brought him back to reality. “Yes, it seems so.”

“They're very good judges of character,” you continued.

Sirius didn't respond to that. Instead, he looked around at the thestral pen, the shed, the small garden, and then back at the cottage behind him. “How did I get here?”

“Your hippogriff brought you,” you said, gesturing behind him.

Sirius turned to see Buckbeak playing with one of the older thestrals. He felt warmth surge through him for the beast who brought him to safety. “He's not mine.”

“Hm, well, you must be his, then. He’s been keeping guard over you for the past couple of days. I was only just able to get him out of the house.”

Sirius looked at you, squinting, trying to figure you out. “Do you know who I am?”

He already knew you did. He'd seen the copy of the Daily Prophet, after all. But he was curious about what you'd say.

You nodded. “I do.”

“And you're not going to… turn me in?”

“No.”

“Even though I'm a murderer? A monster? A madman?” And whatever else they've written about me…

To Sirius's surprise, you smirked. “I have it on good authority that you're not any of those things.”

He frowned. “And whose authority is that?”

“Remus Lupin's.”

Sirius raised his eyebrows and stood. “Remus has been here?”

You nodded and walked toward the house. “Yes. He came by yesterday. He told me everything.”

Everything. Sirius hurried after her. “How do you know Remus? Who are you?”

You told him your name. “Don't worry. I'm a friend. Remus came to me much like you, though you were in much rougher shape. I'm just glad you survived.” You paused, looking at him, your gaze drifting over him. Even though you’d probably conjured these clothes just for him, they still hung loosely on his gaunt frame. Thankfully, Sirius was long past feeling self-conscious. “Hungry?”

“Famished.”

You grinned and motioned for him to follow you. He did and watched as you got something ready for him. “That still doesn’t answer who you are.”

“Oh, I’m nobody important,” you replied distractedly. “For some reason, I just happen to be who the unfortunate souls seem to stumble across when they need someone most. Like you.” You cast a glance up at him. “If you hadn’t made it here when you did, I doubt you would’ve made it at all.”

Sirius looked away ruefully. “And just when I’d found something to live for…” He looked at you again, managing a small smile. “Thank you for what you did.”

The smile you gave him in return made him feel warm. “You’re welcome.” You then handed him a plate of food. “Here. Eat slowly. You don’t want to overdo it if you’re not used to eating more than scraps.”

He did and quickly realized you were right. It didn't matter how hungry he was; he couldn't eat much. But what he did eat was delicious. As he ate, you told him a little bit about yourself, that your parents had worked at the Ministry but had been killed by Death Eaters not long before Voldemort’s downfall. That incident made you want to be an Auror, which you were, but things had slowed so much that you decided to live out here, doing what you loved: caring for magical creatures.

From the rumblings you heard, however, you thought you might have to start working again. Sirius agreed, and since Lupin had been so honest with you, Sirius decided to be, too. He told you what happened at Hogwarts, how he was sure Peter Pettigrew would go scrambling back to his old master to help him regain power. Sirius didn't know how it would happen, but he had misgivings about the whole thing.

“What will you do now?” you asked as the pair of you strolled back outside to watch the sun sink lower and lower on the horizon.

Sirius took a deep breath, the feeling of being free still not quite feeling real. “I don't know. I still need to keep out of sight, but I've been thinking about returning home.” He shook his head, letting out a bitter laugh. “I haven't been home since I was 16, but no one's there now. The Muggles don't know it's there, and with enough spells, neither will the Ministry.”

“Where's home for you?”

“London. It's my family's place.” He glanced at you. “Maybe you could come visit someday.”

You smiled at him. “Maybe.”

He shook his head again. “But that's in the future. I can't afford to return there just yet.”

“You're welcome to stay here for as long as you like,” you murmured, resting a hand on his arm.

Sirius looked at you for a moment before nodding. “Thank you. I just… I don't want to put you in danger longer than necessary.”

“Nobody but Lupin knows you're here,” you pointed out.

“True. You are a bit off the beaten path.” He gazed at the thestrals for a moment who were returning to the safety of their pen for the night. Even Buckbeak had joined them, looking very content, making Sirius wonder if you'd placed some sort of calming charm on the pen. Or maybe it was the whole place, given how calm he felt, too. Or maybe… maybe it was just you. “I'll stay. For a while, anyway.”

Sirius looked at you in time to see a warm smile form on your lips. “Good. It'll be nice to have some company. Especially yours.”

He didn't ask what you meant, but he felt the same about you. He was beginning to like you.

A few weeks later, you were strolling through the woods next to your home as you often did, enjoying nature. You always invited Sirius on these walks, but he always declined, saying he needed more rest.

Today was different. You paused as you rounded a bend in the well-worn path you’d made from your many outings, feeling eyes on you. You were far enough away from the thestrals that you knew it wasn’t them. Slowly, you turned and saw a pair of eyes glinting low in the underbrush. You didn’t jump or run, not wanting to startle the creature. This wasn’t the first time you’d noticed you were being watched since your house guest arrived. Anytime you went out, you knew you were being followed, watched by something. Only this was the first time you saw evidence of it.

The eyes blinked at you, staring at you for a moment, before the creature moved forward, revealing a large, black dog. Somehow, you knew instinctively that this was Sirius. You smiled.

“So, you’re the one who’s been watching me.”

He walked up to you until he was close enough for you to pet his head, which you did.

“I noticed you’d been disappearing and mysterious pawprints were showing up here and there,” you said. “But I didn’t suspect you were an animagus. I suppose that helps you sneak around right under the Ministry’s nose.” Something else then dawned on you. “And I suppose this is why Remus called you Padfoot when he was telling me about you.”

He let out an affirmative bark and sat at your feet. You continued to scratch behind his ears, which he seemed to greatly enjoy. His tail thumped happily against the ground. “There’s plenty of land around here if you’d like to go for a run, enjoy the fresh air and open sky.”

He seemed to like that idea and began gently tugging at your sleeve. You laughed.

“You want me to go with you?”

Padfoot whined, tugging with a little more insistence.

“Okay, okay!” you laughed. “Let’s go.”

With a happy bark, he took off ahead of you, leading you back toward the field. You couldn't help but laugh at his playfulness. It was nice getting to see this side of him, in dog form or not. And from the way he raced and bounded around in the field, he was obviously happy. Happy to be free. And safe. Safe here with you. In this moment, Sirius didn't have a care in the world, and it warmed your heart to see.

You sat and watched him for a long while as he ran, and he always seemed to look over his shoulder to make sure you were watching. It made you a little envious that you couldn’t join him.

When he was done, he bounded up to you, panting, and flipped down next to you, exposing his belly. You grinned and scratched him.

“Have fun?”

He barked in affirmation, his tail wagging happily.

“Good!”

Padfoot then rolled over, head raised, eyes closed, as he continued to pant, enjoying the sun. Without thinking, you leaned down and kissed the top of his head. He opened his eyes to look at you, his tail wagging again. He then leaned against you, obviously content.

You laid back, also basking in the sun. Padfoot rested his chin on your stomach. It was one of the most relaxing, happy days you'd had in a long time, probably for him, too.

Later that night, after you’d gone to bed, you were just drifting off when you felt something land on the foot of the bed. Startled, you sat up in time to see Sirius—or Padfoot, rather—turn in a few circles before settling down and sighing heavily, obviously exhausted after a long day of running. You smiled when he rested his head on your leg, his eyes already closed.

Both of you slept peacefully that night, no nightmares, no loneliness. Just peaceful, restful sleep.

Nearly a month and a half later, you and Sirius were settling into a routine. It was beginning to feel like he'd been there forever, and you were loath to see him eventually move on. You knew he wanted to. He wasn't the type to sit idly, especially now that he was free.

But he never told you when or if he'd leave. It was just something you knew. But for now, you would enjoy this time with him. He made you smile, laugh. And every day, he seemed lighter and happier, though the nights were sometimes rough. You two never really spoke about his nightmares, but you knew what they were about without asking. Sometimes, you'd sit up with him, your presence seemingly enough to keep the bad dreams at bay. And once he was peacefully asleep, you'd slip out of his room and go to bed. Other times, he'd sleep at the foot of your bed as Padfoot. You weren’t brave enough to ask him to just join you in your own bed as his human self. That felt like a line you weren’t ready to cross yet, even though it tempted you.

During the day, Sirius helped you around the house or went into the woods with you. He used his sharp nose as Padfoot to help you track creatures. The pair of you mostly just watched from a distance, but a few times, you helped those in need. Sirius never said anything about those times, but you saw the softness in his eyes as he watched you work. They were like him: broken and in need of your help. 

That afternoon, he found you at the thestral pen. Most of them were grazing in the field beyond or stretching their wings above you. Buckbeak was somewhere amongst them. You could occasionally hear him vocalizing his delight at his freedom. 

But one of the thestrals was sticking close to today, so you were giving him some extra attention.

Sirius stepped up beside you, probably closer than was friendly, but you didn't think twice about it. You liked having him close.

“Why thestrals?” he asked as he stroked its snout.

“I've always been drawn to them,” you murmured, watching as the thestral turned his attention to Sirius for a moment. “They're misunderstood by most people because they're so different and because of what they represent, but I think they're beautiful.” You smiled when the one you were petting nuzzled the center of your chest. “They deserve as much love and care as any other creature.”

You could feel Sirius's eyes on you, but you couldn't bring yourself to look at him. He was too close, close enough that you could feel the warmth of his body, and you were worried that if you looked at him, you'd get lost in his eyes, or worse, you'd kiss him.

“The world could use more people like you,” he said after a long moment. Now, you looked at him just in time to see him look down, almost as if ashamed. “Some people learn that too late.”

Something told you he was speaking of himself, and while you didn't question him, you placed a comforting hand on his arm. “But at least it's learned. That has to count for something.”

Sirius lifted his grey eyes to meet yours. You’d known this for a while, but it suddenly struck you just how handsome he was. There was a sad look in his eyes now, despite his faint smile. “I don't know how I ended up here exactly, right where I needed to be for you to find me, but… I'm glad I did.”

You smiled. “I’m glad you did, too.”

You weren't sure who moved first, but it didn't really matter. The next thing you knew, his lips were on yours in a soft, barely-there kiss. He was giving you time to pull away if you didn’t want this, but you did. You wanted it desperately.

And when you didn’t pull away, Sirius lifted his hand to cup your cheek and pressed his lips more firmly to yours. He kissed you now with more insistence, but they were just lingering pecks, as if he was getting used to kissing again. You let him set the pace, meeting him kiss for kiss until he eventually melded his lips to yours, deepening it.

You hummed into his mouth as his tongue teased yours, and you held onto his jacket. Sirius returned the hum and pulled you closer, wrapping an arm around you. You hadn't been kissed like this in a long time, and you were glad it was Sirius. You were becoming so fond of him…

All too soon for your liking, he ended the kiss, hovering just a moment with your lips barely touching.

“Sirius,” you whispered.

“Was that too much?” he asked with a faint, wry smile, carding his fingertips through your hair.

You smiled and ducked your head. “No. Not at all.”

“Good,” he breathed and tilted your face back up toward his, already leaning in for another kiss. “Because I'd like to do it again…”

Your lips crashed together in a much more passionate kiss this time, with him pulling you flush against him while you wrapped your arms around his neck, one hand tangling in his hair. Sirius moaned quietly at this, drawing you ever closer.

You could've kissed for hours and never tired, but the thestral had other ideas. It bumped Sirius's arm, getting your attention. You and Sirius broke apart, chuckling. He gently rubbed your arms while you patted the thestral’s neck.

“I think we might've made him jealous,” Sirius said, smiling warmly.

“Maybe just a bit,” you added. You could feel Sirius watching you again, so you looked at him. “What?”

He shook his head, still gazing at you. “You're extraordinary, you know that?” He then ran the backs of his fingers across your cheek. “And beautiful.”

You felt your cheeks get warm, and you smiled bashfully. “Thank you…”

His smile widened before he leaned in and pecked your warm cheek. “I'll let you get back to it. I'm going to find Buckbeak. I feel as though I've been neglecting him lately.”

“Well, we don't want that,” you teased, pleased when Sirius took your hand as he backed away from you.

“Definitely not. I'll see you later.”

He squeezed your hand, a gesture you readily returned, fighting back a giddy smile. “Yeah, later.”

With one last smile, a smile that made him look younger, Sirius turned and left, heading off toward the field. You stared after him for a moment, also smiling, hardly believing what had just transpired. It felt surreal, but it also felt… right.

You were falling for him, alright. There was no denying it anymore. You just wondered if he felt the same.

You woke almost immediately to the first sounds of Sirius's voice crying out across the cottage, sounds that had you bolting out of bed and racing to the guest bedroom. He sounded absolutely terrified to the point where you half expected to find dementors hovering over him in bed, preparing to suck out his soul.

But that wasn't what you found at all. Sirius was alone, twisted up in the sheets and drenched in sweat, his expression contorted in fear and pain as he fought against things only he could see. This had happened a few times before, but his nightmares had never been this bad.

You were at his side in an instant, grabbing him by the shoulders to try to keep him from rising out of the bed, but also to wake him. 

“No!” he cried, his eyes squeezed shut.

“Sirius!” you shouted. “Sirius, it's alright! You're safe!”

He calmed just enough for you to realize he was crying. “No, please don't!” he sobbed and weakly thrashed in your arms. 

“No one's going to hurt you!” you continued, more gently this time. “There are no dementors here.”

He woke with a jolt, gasping for breath, his hands flying up to hold onto your arms tightly, nearly tight enough to leave bruises. He stared up at you, wide-eyed and unfocused, like he wasn't really seeing you.

“It's me, Sirius. You're in my home. You're safe.”

That seemed to focus him, his gaze locking onto your face. His hold on your arms gentled, and a tear slipped from his eye. He whispered your name, panting. You lifted your hands to his face.

“You're okay,” you whispered, brushing away the tears.

Sirius stared at you for a moment longer before practically lunging forward, his lips crashing into yours. You hummed, kissing him back for a moment before pushing him away.

“Sirius…”

“Please…”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, one of his hands moving to hold the back of your neck. “Yes. Please.”

Your lips met heatedly in a kiss that was mostly tongue. It was desperate, needy, and had you both humming and moaning into each other's mouths. It nearly gave you pause again when you tasted the salt of his tears, but he wasn’t relenting. 

You eventually grabbed the front of Sirius's shirt, lay down, and pulled him on top of you. He immediately settled between your thighs, and you could feel the growing evidence of his arousal pressing against your core. He rocked his hips, still kissing you deeply, a needy groan leaving him.

“Sirius,” you gasped, breaking the kiss, your hips bucking up against his.

“It's been so long,” he breathed.

“We don't have to,” you whispered back against his lips, your fingers tangled in his hair.

“I want this. I want to feel something good again.” He gripped your hip and pressed closer to you. “I want you.”

You hummed, kissing him. “You have me,” you sighed into his mouth. “You have me, Sirius.”

He groaned and kissed you back, his hand finding yours, your fingers threading together, palm to palm. You thought for a moment he would just kiss you and grind against you, but then he slid his hand down your wrist and inner arm until his large hand cupped your breast through your sleep shirt. You hummed and arched against him.

That was enough to get you both to start doing something. You both shifted around enough to get the necessary clothes out of the way. You were too needy, too desperate for each other, to worry about the rest. This was just physical. You both needed the reassurance that the other was there, something to chase away the loneliness. And he needed to feel something good for once. If you could give him that, you gladly would.

In what felt like no time, he was inside you, thrusting slowly, getting used to the sensation. And so were you. It had been a long time for you, too. Sirius was breathing hard, and you could feel him trembling.

“You okay?” you asked breathlessly.

He nodded, his eyes closed. He then looked at you and gave you a weak smile. “Oh, I'm fantastic. Just…don't want to cum too soon…”

“It's okay if you do,” you murmured, bringing his head down closer to yours. “Please, Sirius, I need more.”

He groaned and began to thrust into you a little faster, his lips melding to yours. It was just what you needed, and you moaned. He felt perfect inside you, like he was meant to be there, like he was made just for you, but you tried not to think of that now. This was just physical; it didn't mean anything beyond this.

At least, that was what you told yourself, mainly because you knew Sirius wasn't going to stick around. You couldn't love him. You couldn't. You…

Sirius's hand slipped between you two and teased your clit. You broke the kiss and pressed your mouth to his shoulder, moaning. 

“That's it, love,” Sirius panted next to your ear. “I want to feel you. Cum for me.”

You dug your fingers into his sides and nearly sobbed as you fell over the edge, your body arching under his, your legs tight around his narrow hips. Something like a laugh left Sirius before he followed you over, his hips surging against yours, burying himself deep as he spilled inside you. Both of your pleasured moans echoed each other, both of you relieved. This was a release the two of you had needed badly.

You clung to him, desperate to stay close as you both panted hard and the last vestiges of your pleasure made you both tremble. Sirius rolled over, pulling you on top of him so you were settled against his chest with him still nestled inside you. He stroked your hair and back and kissed your face.

“You're crying,” he whispered, catching a tear with his lips. “What's wrong?”

You shook your head, not even realizing that you were. “Nothing, I just…” You buried your face against his neck. “I don't want you to leave.”

Sirius sighed and kissed your forehead. “I've got to, but I'll come back. I promise. And maybe, once I get settled, you can come visit me. Maybe even…stay a while.”

You kissed his chest, over one of his tattoos. “I'd like that.”

“So would I,” he murmured, nuzzling your hair, his hand soothingly rubbing the back of your neck. “So would I.” He pulled the covers over both of you. “Sleep now, love. I'm not going anywhere yet.”

That was enough for you right now. And for the rest of his time at your home, you two never spent another night apart. Or day, for that matter. The pair of you became inseparable. You'd never been happier, and from Sirius’s easy smile and relaxed way of carrying himself, this was the first time he’d been truly happy in a long time.

And you would cherish these days for as long as you could.

Chapter Text

Your first time visiting Number 12 Grimmauld Place was not under circumstances you would have liked, and the invitation to come hadn't even been from Sirius, but you were here. Finally.

It wasn't what you expected, but after Lupin filled you in on some of Sirius's family history, you understood. It also made sense why the Order was meeting here. You knew most everyone from your brief time as an Auror, and again, while circumstances weren't ideal, you were happy to see them.

It had been Lupin who told you about the Order of the Phoenix when you were just beginning your training as an Auror to help round up Dark Wizards after the First Wizarding War. And now, after hearing the news of Voldemort’s return, you hadn't even thought twice. Whatever they needed, they had your wand. And so, you went abroad, trying to find support.

You smiled as you watched Lupin rejoin the others, honestly feeling relieved to be there. Traveling abroad, alone for the most part, hadn't been your idea of fun, not when everything was so uncertain. Meeting up with Charlie Weasley here and there had helped, but even then… You were glad to be back among friends. It wasn't until now that you realized just how much you'd missed them.

You were just about to join the others when an all-too-familiar voice sounded from behind you, murmuring your name. A slow smile spread across your face as you turned to face the man you'd been most looking forward to seeing. The one you'd missed the most.

“Sirius,” you greeted with a relieved sigh.

His smile widened. “Hello, love.”

Without thinking, you shot forward, embracing him tightly. Sirius returned the hug with equal ferocity, one arm around your middle, his other hand in your hair. He sighed deeply.

“I missed you,” he murmured in your ear.

You pressed your face against his neck, breathing in his scent. “I missed you, too. So much.”

After a moment, you both pulled away to look at each other, and Sirius gazed intently into your eyes, all of the unspoken things from the last time you saw each other weighing heavily between you. For a brief moment, you thought he might kiss you. And he did, in a way. He brought your hand up and pressed a lingering kiss to your knuckles, his eyes never leaving yours. He looked a lot better, healthier. The time you two spent apart, almost a year, had been kind to him.

But that time apart had made things a little ambiguous between you, like you two weren’t quite sure how to act around each other. After all, you two had never really talked about the physical side to your relationship, if it even was a relationship. It had never been defined. It just…was. And at the time, that was enough. But now? The world was a different place now with Voldemort back. With things so bleak…

“We're about to have a meeting,” he said, and with one hand on the small of your back, he led you into the kitchen. “And we'll want to hear about your travels. Please, sit here.”

Sirius pulled out a chair for you, and you expected him to sit next to you. However, you watched him round the table and sit across the way, sending you a wink as he settled in. He wanted to be able to look at you easily. You wanted to look at him, too.

The others filed in. Kingsley Shacklebolt sat on your left while Nymphadora Tonks sat on your right. She was the only one you didn't know from before, but she had been there with Lupin when they picked you up to apparate to the house. So far, you liked her.

You were also happy to see the Weasleys there, with Arthur at one end of the table and Molly buzzing around the kitchen, getting dinner ready while the meeting went on.

Kingsley went first, giving updates pertaining to the Ministry, none of which was heartening. It was all stuff you'd heard before, but you tried to pay attention and not look at Sirius. You could feel his eyes on you, but you knew if you looked at him, you wouldn't be paying attention to anything else in the meeting.

“What about you?” Kingsley said, looking at you. “Any luck working with Charlie Weasley?”

You shook your head. “Not really. Charlie hasn't given up, but… Most people abroad seem to be taking their cues from the Ministry, given their authority. Some were willing to come to our aid if need be, those who remember what happened before, but it's not nearly the kind of numbers we'd need.”

Lupin shook his head. “A shame… The Ministry is proving to be a parasite.”

“Fudge has always been a bit pompous, but I never dreamed he'd be this stupid,” Arthur commented. “The last thing we need right now is a Minister who sticks his head in the sand.”

“What happens when we're all proven right?” Sirius asked. “Will they replace him?”

“They'll have to,” Kingsley replied. “All trust would be lost in him at that point.”

“A point too late,” Mad-Eye growled from the shadow of the doorway, a place he'd staked out long before the meeting had even begun.

A grumble of agreement went around the table. The subject moved on, and unfortunately, you had now looked at Sirius when he'd asked his questions.

Sirius locked eyes with you from across the table, the top of his booted foot sliding up the back of your calf. It was such an intimate, almost erotic gesture that your cheeks were burning. All you could do was stare back at him, the conversation happening around you fading into the background. As far as you were concerned at the moment, you and Sirius were the only two in the room, that familiar heat settling over you, and the need that only Sirius could satisfy thrummed through you. And from the look in his eyes, he was feeling the same. It had been too long. It took everything in you to force yourself not to jump up, grab him, and lead him off somewhere more private.

The meeting eventually ending brought you back to the present, startling you. Molly was still bustling around, getting dinner ready to plate up while the Order broke ranks to either talk about more pleasant things or leave to tend to their duties. 

You stood abruptly and left the table, needing to catch your breath for a moment. You didn't leave the room, but you walked to the doorway on the far side of the kitchen, away from everyone else. After taking a few deep breaths, you felt a little more clear-headed, but then a warm, solid body suddenly pressed against your back, and Sirius's all-too-familiar scent filled your nose, making you breathe deep. His hand gripped your hip, giving it a squeeze.

“Not now, love, but soon, I promise,” he whispered into your ear, his hot breath on your skin making you shiver. “After dinner.”

You didn't need to ask what he was alluding to, so you nodded. He then pressed a lingering kiss to your neck, his arm slipping around your waist to briefly squeeze you to him with his hand caressing you dangerously close to where you wanted him most, before disappearing. You took a shaky breath, trying to calm yourself again before turning back to the table, trying to ignore the desire that surged through you when you saw Sirius sitting down at the table once more as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn't just promised you he'd give you what you so desperately wanted after dinner: himself.

He pulled out the chair next to him for you, an invitation you readily accepted. He was talking to Lupin, but his arm was resting nonchalantly along the back of your chair, his fingers lightly caressing your arm. Each touch sent a little tingle of anticipation down your spine, making you want to press closer to him, to bury your face in his neck and just breathe.

Instead, you just subtly leaned against him. Sirius tightened his hold on your shoulder briefly, his gaze flickering toward you. You could see a faint smirk on his lips before he turned back to Lupin.

It was only when everyone started eating that Sirius turned back to you. “How have you been?” he asked quietly, leaning close to you.

“I don't really enjoy traveling like that alone,” you replied. “But I've been okay.” You looked at him, your hand sliding onto his leg. “I wanted to see you sooner, but…”

He smiled and squeezed your hand. “I know. But you're here now. And I couldn't be happier.”

You smiled, feeling lighter than you had in a while. Again, you wanted to cuddle into his arms, but it wasn't the time. Sirius seemed to understand and squeezed your hand again and subtly scooted closer to you.

Dinner went by in a blur, which was fine with you. You tried to keep up with conversations, but the warmth of Sirius beside you was very distracting. You might have been a little on edge because of him, but you also felt incredibly safe. You were safe here with him, and you wanted to bask in that feeling.

Thankfully, once the plates disappeared and those that had stayed for dinner began leaving, Sirius apparently had had enough of waiting. He grabbed your hand and quickly led you upstairs. The house decor would have gotten your attention under any other circumstances, but the only thing that mattered right now was the man hurrying you along the hallway and pulling you into a bedroom. His bedroom.

Sirius closed the door behind you and quickly pressed you up against it, his mouth searing yours with a kiss that made you gasp. But almost as soon as he began kissing you, he gentled it, his hands coming up to tenderly hold your face.

The way he touched you and kissed you… It was such a stark difference from before. Before, the physical side of your relationship had felt nothing more than a need for human contact, for reassurance, as a way to stave off loneliness and pain, even if just for a short while. Not that it hadn't been passionate, because it had been. Intensely so. You'd known at the time that you couldn't afford for it to be more, to admit that your feelings for him were much than a simple need for contact.

But this… This was so much more. These kisses and caresses ached with a tenderness that you didn't dare voice aloud just now, but you felt it deeply in your bones, just as you had before, if not more so. You loved Sirius, deeply, achingly, and for the first time, you felt as though he might love you, too.

“I missed you so much,” he breathed against your lips. “I wanted to go to you when Remus told me you were traveling, but with the Ministry still after me, still pinning horrible things on me…”

“I know,” you murmured. “I wouldn't have wanted you to find me if it hadn't been safe. But that doesn't mean I didn't think about you, that I didn't wish you were with me.”

He sighed your name and left a trail of kisses across your jaw and down your neck. “I wanted to be. So badly. And I wanted you here with me. Safe.”

He mouthed at your neck, his facial hair tickling your skin, and you knew he could feel your heart racing. 

“Sirius,” you whispered, your fingers lightly tugging at his clothes.

He hummed and pressed his body tightly to yours. “I've been dreaming about this since I left,” he murmured, kissing back up to your lips. “Dreaming about you, of getting to make love to you again.” He brought your hand up to his cheek, urging you to caress it before kissing your palm. “I missed your touch, your kisses…” He pecked your lips. “I missed you, plain and simple. All of you. Everything.”

“Sirius,” you said again, as if his name was the answer to everything.

Sirius smiled and rested his forehead against yours, nuzzling your nose. “I became quite fond of you, you know. And that fondness has only grown since.”

You tilted your head so your lips brushed his. “I'm quite fond of you, too.” An understatement.

He seemed to hesitate just for a moment, as if trying to decide where to continue this, before suddenly scooping you up into his arms and carrying you to his bed.

You thought he might rush in his desire, but he took his time, slowly undressing you and kissing each newly revealed bit of skin. I love you, I love you, I love you, you thought over and over as you ran your fingers through his hair. He was smiling into the kisses and looked up at your face once he got you fully undressed.

“You’re more beautiful than I remember, and I thought about this so often,” he murmured with a faint smirk.

You caressed his cheek. “I can’t get over how much I missed you.”

Sirius moved up your body and kissed you deeply, his hands roaming over you, gently squeezing and kneading here and there. You arched up against him, moaning into his mouth. To feel his touch again after dreaming about it for so long felt surreal. Just as he had dreamed of this, you had done the same on so many nights. And now here he was. Real.

As he continued to kiss you, you both managed to get his clothes off, too, and you finally felt the wonderful warmth of his skin against yours. Without a thought, you rolled him over, settled on top of him, and returned the favor, taking your time to trace every tattoo with your lips. Sirius was breathing hard as he watched you kiss across his chest. He murmured your name, making you smile. You hadn’t done this before, and it was something you’d regretted. Now, you had a chance to fix that, so you were. You tried to pour all the love you felt for him into each kiss, hoping he understood.

“You don’t have to,” he rasped as you kissed closer and closer to his crotch.

“I want to,” you breathed, wrapping your hand around his cock and beginning to stroke him. 

Sirius groaned and let his head fall back against the pillow, his hips bucking into your touch. You thought he might actually let you use your mouth on him, but as soon as your lips brushed over his tip, he grabbed your arms and pulled you back up his body. With his hands on your hips, he settled you over him, his cock nestled against your folds.

“Another time, love,” he panted against your lips. “I need you too much right now. I need to be inside you again, to be one with you.”

You moaned again as he ground his hips up against yours. “Yes,” you gasped. “Oh, Sirius, please…”

He sat up with you, still holding your hips. “Ride me,” he breathed into your mouth. “Take what you need from me.”

With both of you moving, you lifting up and Sirius notching the head of his cock at your entrance, you sank down onto him with a pleasured and relieved moan. It felt so right and so perfect to have him inside you again, like you were finally home again. From the rasping moan that left him and the way he held fast to you, he felt the same.

“Merlin’s beard, I’ve missed this,” he groaned, his lips finding your pulse point on your neck. “Missed you.” He squeezed your hip, pushing up against you until he was fully settled inside you. “Missed your body, missed being inside you…”

You smiled and lifted his face back up toward yours. “I’ve missed all of this, too, Sirius. No one’s ever made me feel like this. You’re perfect.”

Sirius chuckled. “Oh no, love. You’re the perfect one.” He ran his hands up and down your back, subtly urging you to move, which you did, slowly, languorously. “I can’t get enough of you.”

You hummed as you rolled your hips, the feeling of him moving within you stealing your breath away. “I can’t get enough of you either.”

His lips met yours heatedly, his tongue pushing past them to tangle with yours. Both your hands wandered and caressed while you moved as one. It was everything you had missed and more. And not being able to get enough of him was another understatement. It made you kiss him more ardently, something he readily returned.

Sirius then rolled over so he was on top of you again and began driving into you with more urgency. He rested his arms on either side of your head so you two were face to face, breathing each other’s air.

“Yes!” you cried. He was hitting all the perfect spots inside you, each stroke making you see stars as he pushed you closer and closer to the edge. “Sirius! Don’t stop!”

“I won’t,” he growled. “I couldn’t. Cum for me, love. Cum with me.”

The command was enough to send you over the edge, making you cry out.

“Sirius,” you moaned, clutching at him as you rode out the waves of pleasure coursing through you. “I love you!”

His breath caught, his body tensing, before he groaned and found his release, spilling inside you. “Love you,” he gasped. “Oh, I love you.”

Between harsh breaths and gradually quieting moans, you both came down from your highs, both spent and sated. And to your delight, he didn’t move yet.

“Say it again,” he panted. “Say you love me.”

You held his face and pressed kisses to his cheeks. “I love you, Sirius. I love you so much.”

He grinned. “I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited to hear you say that. I nearly told you the day I left. I wanted to, but… Tell you and then leave? I didn’t think that was very fair.”

“But you love me?”

Sirius nodded, caressing your cheek. “More than anything. To be entirely honest, I didn’t think I could love anyone like this, to want to be with them like this. Settling down? Unimaginable.” He smiled again, softly this time. “But now?”

You returned his smile shyly. “Now?”

“Now, I’m imagining things I never have before.” His smile morphed into a smirk. “And I have to admit, I could get used to sleeping at your feet at night as Padfoot.” 

You lightly shoved him, laughing breathlessly. “If it’s all the same, I’d rather you sleep beside me, as a man, holding me.”

Sirius kissed you again. “That, I can do. Happily. Eagerly.”

He then eased out of you and rolled onto his back, taking you with him to settle you against his chest. You cuddled up to him, pleased as he pulled a fluffy blanket over you two, cocooning you two together.

“You want to know something?” you murmured after a moment of listening to his heartbeat. Sirius hummed in response, his hand soothingly stroking your back. “After you left, in the winter, I used to go out and stare at the stars. I'd look at Sirius and think about you, hoping you were safe and well.” You nuzzled his chest. “Of all the stars in the sky… I'm lucky I chose the brightest.”

Sirius tilted your head up and kissed you lovingly. “Whenever we're apart,” he murmured, “given it's the right time of year, find that star. Chances are, I'll be looking at it, too, thinking of you, wishing I was with you.” He brushed your hair back from your face before touching your chest over your heart. “I'll always be here. And while I never intend to leave your side, if this war should separate us, I'll always come back to you. I’ll always find you.”

You gazed at him, tears shining in your eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise,” he whispered before sealing that promise with a kiss.

Several months later…

Things were happening. You weren't entirely sure what, but Number 12 was suddenly bustling with activity, and none of it good. Sirius didn’t seem to be around, but you came across Lupin on the stairs.

“Remus, what’s—”

“No time, I’m sorry. Something’s going on at the Ministry, and there's no time to waste.”

This was it. It was happening.

“Where’s Sirius?”

“In the basement, I think,” he said, distractedly. 

He was just about to continue on his way when he suddenly stopped, looking at you and frowning. He leaned closer, sniffing.

You frowned, too. “Remus?”

“You smell different.”

“What?”

He looked at you warily, the worry that had already been straining his features deepening. “It’s none of my business, but… You and Sirius… I assume you two have been… intimate?”

Now, you blushed. “Yes… For months now. Why?”

Lupin swallowed hard and shifted uncomfortably. “And you two haven’t been… careful?”

“Remus,” you murmured, what he was getting at settling over you heavily, nearly overwhelming any embarrassment you might have felt otherwise. It was true. Ever since that first time at your cottage, you and Sirius hadn’t been careful at all. Maybe it was a subconscious thing that neither of you was worried about the consequences and would, in fact, embrace them. “What are you saying?”

“You smell different,” Remus repeated. “And it’s not just Sirius I smell on you, like usual. One of the sometimes annoying side effects of being a werewolf is how sharp my sense of smell is. And your scent has changed, as it would if you were… well… pregnant.”

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of you. Again, you weren’t wholly unsurprised, but at the same time, for it to happen now… “I wondered…” you murmured, resting your hand over your lower abdomen. “But, Remus, this can’t happen now.”

He smiled weakly. “Well, I’m afraid it is. Are you going to tell him?”

“Of course, I am! Why wouldn’t I?”

“He's reckless. Always has been. You already don't want to lose him, but now?”

You looked down. “Now, I wouldn't want to let him ever leave the house…”

Remus rested a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I'll tell you one thing,” he murmured. “Despite outward appearances, this is something that would make him extremely happy. Granted, the timing could have been better… But, when the world is in such a state, perhaps living on the edge as Sirius does isn't such a bad idea.”

You gazed at Lupin with tears in your eyes for a long moment, but just as you were about to respond, you heard Sirius call your name from below. Seeing him appear at the bottom of the stairs only made more tears fill your eyes.

Lupin gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze before gently pushing you towards your man. You couldn't get to Sirius fast enough after that. You flew down the steps and threw yourself into his arms.

He murmured your name. “I guess Remus told you. I have to go, love,” he whispered, holding you tightly. “I have to help Harry.”

You nodded, but that didn’t stop your tears as you pressed your face against his neck. “I know. Just promise me you’ll come back.”

Sirius eased your head back to look at you and smiled, perhaps a bit too cockily. “I always do. Don’t worry, love, I’ll be back before you know it.” He glanced behind you at Lupin and the others who had congregated near the front door. “And when I return…” he began with a wry smile before pulling you into a deep kiss that had you melting against him. “I’ll slip under the covers and make love to you.”

Your grip tightened on his coat, the confession of your pregnancy very nearly leaving your lips, but for some reason, they just wouldn’t come. If he had something to do, he didn't need a distraction, especially not a distraction like that. “Let me go with you.”

He shook his head, his thumbs smoothing over your cheeks, brushing away the tears. “No. Not this time. Besides, we need someone here in case things go south.” He pulled you into another passionate kiss, holding you close. “I'll see you soon; I promise,” he whispered against your lips. He then leaned back enough to look into your eyes, holding your face again. “I love you.”

"I love you, too,” you whispered tearfully.

Sirius gave you another smile, kissed your forehead, and let you go.

The last you saw of him was the wink he sent you as he followed Lupin out the door to apparate away.

You knew something was wrong long before anyone returned to Number 12. You felt it. Something horrible had happened, and you didn't want to face it because you dreaded what it would be. It led you to pace incessantly up and down the kitchen, deaf to all entreaties Mrs. Weasley tried to get you to sit down, perhaps have some tea, anything to calm your nerves. 

And maybe on some level, you knew it had to do with Sirius. Your mind was coming up with all sorts of worst-case scenarios, all of them involving Sirius getting severely wounded— you couldn't stomach the thought of anything worse.

As soon as you heard the front door open, you rushed into the hallway, seeing Tonks first, her expression bleak.

And then you saw the look on Lupin’s face, and you knew beyond a doubt what had happened. You thought you might be sick as your knees gave out and you sank to the floor right there in the middle of the hallway. Lupin was at your side in an instant, pulling you tightly against his chest, holding you together as best he could as heartbroken sobs tore from your throat. He was muttering “I’m sorry” over and over, as if it had been his fault.

He somehow managed to get you upstairs and away from the others, specifically the painting of Walburga Black that Mad-Eye was now trying to hush up.

Even through your tears, it wasn't lost on you that Lupin had taken you to Sirius's bedroom.

“I didn’t tell him,” you cried. “I should have told him before he left, but I didn't. He never got to know he was going to be a father.”

Lupin’s hold tightened on you. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

“How could he leave me?!”

“It wasn't his fault,” Lupin said through tears of his own, his voice strained. Neither of you could even speak his name because it hurt too much. “Bellatrix Lestrange hit him with a spell, which wouldn't have… killed him, but it knocked him backwards into the Veil in the Death Chamber below the Ministry. There was nothing that could be done.”

Somehow, that made everything worse. “So there's not even a body to bury?” you asked, staring at Lupin.

He shook his head. “No. He's gone. Completely.”

That sick feeling suddenly overwhelmed you, and you bolted off to the bathroom.

You didn't feel anything; you felt hollow, empty, like there was a hole in your chest. You stared at your reflection in the cracked mirror, hardly recognizing yourself.

Your world was shattered, forever changed. In all your time of living by yourself in your little cottage in the country, you'd never felt as alone as you did right now.

Chapter Text

The house was still and silent, that silence occasionally being broken by the ravings of Walburga Black, but you hardly paid her any mind. You barely even heard her now that you didn't leave Sirius's room. Well, you left only to visit Buckbeak upstairs, but that was it. 

The only other person you saw during those few months after Sirius's death was Lupin, who brought you food. He was the only person you wanted to see. He understood. He'd brought you the news about Sirius, had held you as you sobbed, as your world shattered around you. Lupin seemed to take it upon himself to make sure you were okay. Or as okay as you could be.

You were miserable. Depressed. Grieving. Lupin was the only reason you were eating. Well, him and the little life growing inside you. There didn't seem to be much of a point now of anything else, not with Voldemort gaining more and more power every day. And the one man who had made you feel safe was gone. The one man who had gone through so much, had endured hell, had died in such an avoidable way…

Every day, you seemed to flip-flop between feeling angry or in denial. You hadn't moved on from those stages yet, and it felt like you never would. There was a Sirius-sized hole in your chest that could never be filled again.

You knew everyone would be leaving Grimmauld Place soon, seeing as it was no longer safe, and you were perhaps foolishly thinking you'd refuse to leave. Let Bellatrix or even Voldemort find you. Maybe they could finish you off, put you out of your misery, but you also knew Lupin would drag you out of there one way or another.

You spent your days looking around Sirius's room, going through his things. At first, you felt guilty for it, like you were prying, but he was dead, he wouldn't mind. He wouldn’t have minded had he been alive. And besides, everything you found, every little detail you learned about him, made you feel closer to him.

You'd studied all the things he'd attached to the walls of the room in his youth: all of the Gryffindor posters and banners, the Muggle girls in bikinis — seeing those had actually made you laugh. A weak laugh, but a laugh all the same. You looked through the books he had and read the ones that weren’t schoolbooks. You even read the Muggle motorcycle manuals cover to cover, not understanding most of it, but again, it made you feel closer to him. You knew Hagrid had Sirius’s old bike, and that only added to your deep sense of loss knowing Sirius could never take you for a ride on it…

It took you a while, but you also read through the correspondence he’d received through the years, mostly letters from James, Lily, and Lupin. It was interesting getting to read their words to Sirius, and it was obvious just how much they all thought of him. When you read the letter from Lily thanking Sirius for the toy broom he’d gifted Harry and saw the included photo, you started crying. Had he been given the chance, he would have made a wonderful godfather and an even more wonderful father…

You’d found the letters in a box under the bed, and from the other contents of the box — mostly photographs and other little keepsakes — these were treasured things for Sirius. And then they all suddenly ceased fourteen years ago.

And speaking of photographs, there was one of Sirius at school with James, Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. You looked over the other faces, but the one you cared about the most was Sirius’s. Over the course of those few months you stayed holed up in his room, you’d probably spent hours staring at that photo. You wondered what he’d been like at that age when he didn’t have a care in the world. Would you two have fallen for each other even back then? It amazed you just how effortlessly handsome he was with his long, dark hair and a smile that could make anyone weak in the knees.

Each night, you wondered if it would be your last staying in Sirius's room, sleeping in his bed, curled around his pillow, breathing in his scent that had all but faded. Tonight was no different. As you thought about leaving, tears filled your eyes. You couldn't. Sirius might have hated this place, but this was all you had left of him.

All that was left…

That wasn't entirely true. You rested a hand over your belly, over the slight bump, the proof that part of him would always be with you. This was your reason for living now. You couldn't, wouldn't give up on the life you and Sirius had created together. A baby no one could know about, and no one did know about aside from Lupin. It was better this way. You'd become a liability and a possible target for Bellatrix. You were, after all, carrying another Black heir. Sirius's child… A child he'd never get to meet…

You buried your face in his pillow and cried, as you always did, when that thought hit you, until you drifted off into an uneasy sleep. You had dreams about Sirius, about that night. You might not have been there when he'd fallen into the Veil, but Lupin had told you enough. At least, that's what you told yourself when you had these dreams. 

You saw the events unfold as if you were there. You saw Sirius and Harry fighting off Bellatrix. And then Bellatrix hit Sirius with a spell that knocked him backward. There was nothing that could have been done, like Lupin said. Curse the Ministry for keeping such a thing there!

You screamed every time you watched Sirius fall backward, though no one heard. You fought with everything you had in you to get to him, to catch him, but you were just a spectator, unable to move, forced to watch the man you loved die, night after night. You begged him not to leave you. But he always did.

And you always woke from those dreams to the sound of Sirius's voice whispering your name, which only broke your heart more. He always sounded so real that you always expected to wake up and find him next to you, just waiting to pull you into his arms and comfort you.

Tonight was different, however. Tonight, you moved, you reached Sirius, you grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled, and suddenly the two of you were falling. Falling and falling and falling. Or, perhaps, floating would be more apt. Either way, you felt weightless, and then Sirius was in front of you, holding onto you, gazing at you, smiling at you. He said your name, this time louder than a whisper. 

You had to close your eyes against the tears that filled them. That's when you felt Sirius's arms around you, holding you tight. The warm solidness of his body pressed against you, and you felt his lips on your neck.

“I'm here, love,” he whispered. “I'm here.”

You pressed into that warmth, desperate for it. His hold on you tightened, and you suddenly became aware of his scent, somehow much stronger than you'd smelled it since before he left for the Ministry, when he'd given you that last hug, that final kiss, that whispered affirmation of love…

Sirius said your name again, his lips moving up the side of your neck to your cheek. He kissed away the tears. “It's alright now,” he murmured, his breath tickling your skin. “It's all going to be alright, I promise.”

You opened your eyes, looking up into his face, his face that looked younger than what you were used to. For the first time since you’d met him, he looked his age. It took you a moment to register that you were seeing the ceiling of his room behind him, the softness of his mattress and pillow beneath you. His body was warm against you, the weight of him at your side making the bed dip.

All you could do was stare for a long moment, your brain struggling to process what you were seeing. He looked real, his smile soft, his dark hair framing his face as he gazed down at you.

“Sirius?” you eventually whispered.

His smile widened a fraction. “Yes, love. It's me. I'm here.”

You slowly frowned, your brain rebelling against the apparition before you. This wasn't really him. You were still dreaming. This was your grief-ridden mind playing tricks on you.

But then Sirius caressed your cheek with a warm hand, his thumb brushing away the tears that you weren't even aware of sliding down your face. The touch felt all too real, all too familiar.

Your face crumpled as fresh tears spilled forth, as if all the grief you'd been feeling was bursting out of you. You hadn't cried this hard since Lupin told you what happened.

Sirius gathered you into his arms and held you tight, his embrace the only thing keeping you from falling apart entirely. He nuzzled into your hair and tenderly kissed the side of your head, gently shushing you. The hand not holding your head to him caressed down your back and up your side soothingly.

“It's alright, love. I swear to you, it's alright. It's—” He broke off, his hand pausing near your hip before slipping further over to your lower abdomen. He whispered your name again, his voice rough as he realized what he was feeling. “Are you…?”

“I wanted to tell you,” you sobbed. “I was going to tell you. But you died! You died and left me, and I never got the chance! I never got to tell you you were going to be a father…”

“Shh, shh, love, it's alright. I know now. I know now, and I can't tell you how happy I am.”

“But you're not real! This is a dream!”

“No,” Sirius said, shaking his head. “This is real. I'm real.”

You couldn't believe it. Your mind wouldn't accept it. You tried to pull away from him, but he held fast.

“It’s not a dream,” he murmured, taking your hand and pressing your palm against his chest. “I swear to you, it’s not a dream. I’m here. I’m real. I’m…alive.”

You were trembling as you stared at him, both scared and cold despite the warmth radiating from him. “H-how?”

Sirius shook his head. “I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”

“Try.”

He gazed at you for a moment longer before sighing. He moved to sit up, taking you with him and settling you against his chest. You could hear his heart beating, strong and sure. There was no denying it. “After Bellatrix hit me and I fell, for a split second, I knew what had happened. I knew I had died. There was… nothing. I don’t know how else to describe it other than nothing. Had I not been dead, I probably would have been terrified. And it all happened so fast, faster than falling asleep…”

He paused to kiss your forehead, a gesture you leaned into for the comfort and reassurance of it. “It was like I was floating for a long time, entirely weightless, no care, no worry, nothing. I was wholly content where I was, except… I was only aware of two things: Harry and you. I kept seeing your faces in my mind, or what I perceived as my mind. The longer I floated, the fuzzier your faces became, like I was forgetting, not caring. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t forget. I fought to not forget. And that’s when I started feeling something. A tugging sensation. I let it pull me because suddenly, your face was as clear as day. I knew beyond a doubt that I had to get back to you. I didn’t fully understand why, but…”

His hand drifted back down to your belly, covering it protectively. “Now that I know about this… Perhaps…”

“Perhaps what?” you breathed, totally enraptured by his words.

Sirius looked into your eyes, his gaze intense and full of love. “Something was keeping me tethered here to the land of the living. Something pulled me back when it shouldn’t have because I was fighting it so hard. Part of me was still here…alive. Perhaps… you helped bring me back.”

You weren't quite sure what to make of that, still not fully understanding, but if he was here, why question it? 

You reached up to caress his cheek. “You look younger.” Your gaze then dropped to the hint of chest you could see. You parted his shirt further to touch his skin, tracing the tattoos there. “I’m glad you still have these. I’ve gotten rather used to them.” Without a thought, you leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his chest, breathing in his scent. “Tell me again,” you whispered, keeping your face pressed to his chest. “Tell me again that this is real.”

Sirius gently turned your head so your ear was once again against his chest, so you could hear the steady, strong beat of his heart, a sound you had fallen asleep to so many times. “It’s real,” he said, and you could hear his voice rumble in his chest. “I’m real. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere ever again.”

You rested there for a long moment before you felt compelled to move. Impulse and need drove you to press your lips to his, a kiss he readily and greedily returned. It wasn't necessarily lust that drove you two, but a desperate desire to be as close as possible. Which meant clothes were tugged off and discarded carelessly, both of you needing to be skin-to-skin.

Maybe it was because your brain still hadn't quite grasped that all this was real, and perhaps this was just a very elaborate dream or hallucination, but you felt almost disconnected from what was going on. You felt Sirius's breath on your cheek, heard his sighs as he settled his hips between your legs, and the heat of his skin seeping into yours, making you feel warm for the first time since he left for the Ministry that fateful day.

What brought the world back into sharp focus was the feeling of him pushing into you. You moaned, half in pleasure, half in relief. Sirius held still. He didn't move at all, content to just exist as one with you, joined in the most intimate way possible. It was just what you needed at the moment.

You ran your hands over his back, through his hair… Sirius kissed everywhere he could reach without having to move his head very much. He whispered his love for you against your skin over and over. And all you could do was silently cry and cling to him.

You and Sirius spent the rest of the night tangled up together, neither wanting to part. It was better than any dream, and you hated to fall asleep and find out it was a dream later. But he was real. He proved that over and over.

Sirius was back, miraculously alive, and in your arms again.

You and Sirius agreed to flee as soon as possible, leaving for the north to get away from the war, to hide away. Sirius insisted on it to protect you and the baby. You knew he hated running, but right now, you were the most important thing in his life, and both of you were safer with everyone believing he was still dead.

You told no one, but Lupin caught the pair of you sneaking out of Number 12. He was shocked to see Sirius, but he didn't question either of you. In fact, he helped make sure you two got away safely, wishing you both well. You could tell Sirius was grieved and angry upon leaving his best friend this way, of abandoning him and the Order, but the way he kept you tucked securely to his side and the way his hand rested protectively over your belly, you knew you were his priority at the moment. Nothing would make him abandon you.

But that didn't stop his restlessness. So long as he was confined, he would be. He wasn't meant for this, but his devotion to you kept him sequestered away with you in a little cottage out in the middle of nowhere. He never complained, never got angry. As your pregnancy progressed, he was steadfast in his need to keep you safe. 

You often found Sirius standing on the front porch of the little cottage, staring out over the lake. You never wanted to disturb him, but this time, something told you he wouldn’t mind you standing there in silence with him. So, you stepped up behind him and rested a hand on his back. He took a breath and turned his head just a bit to acknowledge your presence. Neither of you said a word for a long time.

“You want to go back, don’t you?” you eventually murmured. “You want to help.”

Sirius nodded. “I do. But I can’t.” He turned toward you and pulled you to his side. “I won’t leave you. Not now, not ever.”

And you knew he wouldn’t, but you also knew how much it bothered him that everyone else they knew was out there risking their lives to protect Harry and stop Voldemort, but he was here, hiding. Always hiding… You could send him away, tell him to go, but that would make him feel even guiltier.

No, he would stay here with you, ever watchful, ever loving.

But then the letters began to arrive. Lupin started writing, keeping you both up-to-date. Neither of you could believe Dumbledore was dead. And then it just kept getting worse. First Mad-Eye, then Rufus Scrimgeour, and the Ministry was taken over. Lupin didn’t know where Harry was, which bothered Sirius even more. The only thing keeping him grounded was his daughter, born one mid-winter morning, whom he doted on and absolutely adored. You'd never seen him so happy, even in the midst of turmoil. 

And then finally, you decided for Sirius. You told him to go, to help. You could take care of your one-year-old daughter for a while by yourself. You made him swear to you that he wouldn’t take any chances, a promise he readily agreed to as he held his daughter and kissed your forehead.

But before he could leave, the Daily Prophet arrived, announcing Voldemort’s defeat at the Battle of Hogwarts. No more letters arrived from Lupin. It wasn’t until a week later that there was a knock on the door, and none other than Harry stood there. You watched tearfully from the sidelines at the bittersweet reunion of godson and godfather.

Apparently, upon Lupin’s death, a letter he’d written to Harry was to be sent explaining what happened, that Sirius was alive, and giving him Sirius’s location. If Lupin couldn’t look out for Harry on Sirius’s behalf, then it was time for Sirius to step back in. 

It was that night Sirius learned Lupin had died, and you held him as he grieved. He was the only one left now. It broke your heart, but you held him tightly, not letting him go even after the tears subsided.

Sirius allowed Harry to keep Number 12 for himself if he wanted. He only gathered a few of his things from his room before officially moving in with you in your cottage. You worried only briefly that living out in the country would be hard on Sirius, but you were quickly proven wrong. The pair of you almost always had visitors, usually Harry and Ginny, sometimes with Ron and Hermione in tow. Hagrid visited Buckbeak every month. Even McGonagall would come by for tea. And Sirius had a lot of land at his disposal, which he regularly made use of as Padfoot. You and your daughter would watch as he raced around the fields. And when she was a little older, Sirius let her ride on his back.

And what was better, the Ministry cleared Sirius of all charges, and he was now, at last, a truly free man. Granted, he still got looks wherever he went, but that never stopped him. He could walk through Diagon Alley now with his daughter on his hip, pointing out all of the shops, admiring the owls and broomsticks, and stopping by Sugarplum’s Sweets Shop for a treat. You never tired of getting to see him like this, smiling and free. Just as you suspected, he was a wonderful father. And a wonderful husband.

Sirius was happy, content. You could see that clear as day. And nearly every night, when the sky was clear, the three of you would go out and stargaze, showing your little one all of the constellations, with Sirius always the brightest star in your world.