Chapter Text
Karkat scrolled on his laptop, mind-numbingly bored. Human internet got kind of boring after a while; all he was finding at this point was pictures of cats and other random pictures with captions that he often didn't understand. He clicked onto a new site and his eyes alighted on an ad at the edge of the page. His eyes widened in shock. It was a picture of some girl, legs spread wide open, with the words “come play with me.” He swallowed nervously, wondering if human porn was at all like troll's. With trepidation, he snuck his cursor over the ad, clicking it. Ten or so pop-ups obscured his screen instantly and he scrambled to get them all closed, struggling to find the window he meant to open. He got them all sorted out, finally on the page with a single video ready to play and tons of ads on the sides, with more human females. He wondered where the guys were. He often forgot that a lot of humans were weird about that sort of thing.
Karkat was a little surprised at what human girls looked like down there. He guessed their bulge came out from somewhere in there? He thought about closing the window but his curiosity got the best of him and he clicked play. It started out with the people dancing around and showing themselves off for the camera. It seemed a lot like troll porn, actually, he thought. The girl unzipped the guy's pants and Karkat's mouth dropped open.
What. Is. That.
Human bulges didn't look like troll's at all. They were flesh-colored instead of blood-colored and they didn't even move; they just seemed to sort of sit there. It looked like a mushroom, he thought.
He watched the process unfold, and wondered where the girl's bulge was.
Poor girl, he thought, she's obviously not turned on at all! This is a little disturbing!
Though he found it odd, he couldn't quite stop watching. Humans were pretty attractive. Especially this guy... in fact, he almost looks like Dav-
The door flew open, Dave marching in. He never knocked and he figured he didn't have to because this was his room too. Dave flung his shades off onto his own bed and Karkat snapped his laptop closed so hard he was worried for a second that he'd broken the screen, but the worry about the computer went away immediately as he realized that audio from the video was still playing. Dave turned toward him, first with a questioning look and then a smug smile slowly growing on his face. Karkat opened the laptop as quickly as he could to mute it when Dave said:
“Watcha watching, Karkat?” He smiled wider. Karkat growled low in his throat as he got the sound off.
“None of your fucking business!” He spat out, voice trembling with nervousness. He felt his face heating up, clearly showing off the color of his blood, which he wasn't accustomed to even though everyone already knew about his mutant red color. Dave moved toward him.
“Karkat.” He still looked mischievous, but there was something else in his expression too. Karkat gulped.
“What?”
“Were you watching porn?” Dave inquired, raising an eyebrow and looming over him a bit.
“No! I wasn't!” Karkat tried to save himself.
“Yes, you were,” Dave said knowingly, cocking his head slightly. “Just admit it! Come on man, we all do it, alright?” Karkat turned his head away a bit, thinking. He closed his eyes, relenting.
“Fine,” he hissed out. “I was watching your stupid human porn.” Dave laughed, the deep sound echoing in Karkat's chest a bit and making him jump. He looked up at Dave. He was still grinning like a bastard. Karkat scowled. He was about to tell Dave off when he said:
“What did you think?” He enunciated every word perfectly, which was rare with him. Karkat withdrew a little instinctively.
“Your bulge is pretty fucked up,” he said, smiling at himself. Dave grimaced.
“It's not called a bulge, dumbass, it's called a dick!”
“How the hell am I supposed to know that?” Karkat shot back angrily. “Where the hell did that dumb name even come from anyway?”
“I don't know man. What's so fucked up about my junk though?” Karkat looked up at Dave. He had to hold in laughter when he sensed the underlying sense of self-consciousness and genuine concern Dave was hiding with his usual standoffish attitude.
“It doesn't even move!” Karkat offered. Dave visibly jumped back.
“What?? Why in the fucking hell would it move?” Dave looked obviously disturbed. Karkat didn't really know what to say. All the bulges he'd ever seen had moved; apparently humans were entirely new to the concept.
“They just...” Karkat tried. “They just do!” Dave seemed to have gotten over his initial shock and was moving more into the territory of curiosity. Karkat side-eyed him nervously, sensing something weird coming on. He was right. Dave sat down on his bed and leaned towards Karkat, whispering:
“Can I see?” He looked like a pleading little puppy dog which only worsened Karkat's shock. He didn't understand how someone could so easily go from douche to innocent within .5 seconds like Strider did. Nevertheless, he pulled back.
“No!” He let out instantly.
“Please?” oh my god, Karkat thought. He was tired with the antics of his roommate, though he had to admit he kind of wanted to see Dave’s bulge... eh, excuse me, dick, he silently corrected himself.
Karkat gazed over at Dave nervously, pulling a face. It was tempting. He wanted to say yes. Before he could stop himself he assented, replying:
“Okay.”
Dave sat up, surprised. An adorable smile grew on his face, making Karkat wish for a second that he'd thought a bit more about his decision. Dave suddenly looked nervous again, inquiring:
“So... how do we start this?”
Karkat placed his hand over his eyes, suddenly nervous. Then he realized he didn't want to be the only one showing off their shit and said:
“Wait. You only see mine if I see yours, too.” Dave’s eyebrows raised.
“Yeah,” he agreed hesitantly. “Sure, whatever man.”
The silence became a little overwhelming. Dave then ventured:
“This is a lot more awkward than I anticipated.” Karkat had to fight the urge to strangle him. You never say something is awkward; even the dumbest human or troll knew that. Karkat then just went for it, tired of waiting, saying,
“Do I just take my pants off?” Dave’s expression grew more bewildered, his mouth hanging open embarrassingly.
“I... guess?” Dave replied questioningly, and Karkat then remembered:
“Oh wait- you won't even be able to see mine right now. I have to be turned on.”
Dave looked questioning so Karkat explained promptly and with embarrassment.
“Well... it doesn't... like, come out unless I'm, you know... worked up.” His face grew a little more red. Dave clasped his hands together and rose quickly, his red god tier outfit whooshing behind him. He had a real “let's get shit done” vibe about him. He then exclaimed,
“Oh! Well then,” he paused, scratching his head. “How are we going to...?”
Karkat silently pondered for a moment. He could think of tons of ways Dave could get him turned on. Finally he just went with,
“You can touch my horns.” Karkat had to close his eyes for a moment to relax. The thought of it already sent a little extra blood flow down to his crotch. He'd picked horn touching because to humans it probably seemed pretty tame but to trolls it was intensely sexual and intensely hot.
Dave moved toward him and sat down about a foot away. He smiled at Karkat, his red eyes matching his god tier flawlessly.
“I… um, I can do that,” he stammered. Tentatively Dave outstretched one arm to let the tips of his fingers brush against Karkat's right horn. Karkat arched a little, even into the light touch.
“Whoa,” Dave said, apparently getting more of a reaction than he'd expected.
Nevertheless, he returned his hand to the short nub, wrapping his fingers around it and swishing lightly in a circular motion. It felt a little like a turtle shell, though a lot smoother. Karkat purred, arching more into the touch. Confused, Dave paused.
"...did you just purr?" he questioned.
"Yes. Trolls do that," Karkat replied exasperatedly. He really wanted Dave to keep touching him; it was great.
Dave seemed to accept the minor biological difference and continued to feel up his horns. Karkat felt his bulge push out of its sheath, immediately beginning to work itself against the inside of his underwear. He gasped, alerting Dave to the fact that something had obviously happened. Dave turned his eyes down toward Karkat's crotch, where he could see motion from inside his pants. Karkat lied back and unzipped his pants, pulling them down around his ankles. The horn rubbing had made him looser and more eager. His bulge then slipped out from inside his underwear, searching around in the air. Dave’s eyes popped open, his eyes practically becoming perfect circles. In their widened state, Karkat could see that his pupils had dilated. Karkat filed that little response away for later so he could relate it back to a little informative article he'd read about human attraction. Dave then spoke.
“Holy shit dude, that's like...” Karkat became nervous again. A thousand words rushed through his head. Disgusting. Bizarre. Creepy. Freakish-
“...hot.”
Karkat perked in surprise. Oh. Well then.