Archive of Our Own ^beta

Alex has, quite possibly, the biggest, stupidest grin on their face, perhaps in the entire history of humanity. They’ve got their hands behind their back, concealing something they just could not contain their excitement over, bouncing rhythmically on their toes. Clyde stands opposite of them, halfway down the entry hallway as Alex’s back is directly to the door. They had taken quite a bit of care to close it while keeping the thing hidden, although it can make out the shape of…something in the reflection of the door frame. It looks small and rounded, something that could sit in their palm.

“Are you ready?” They ask, continuing to bounce on their toes. They keep periodically wheezing with half-suppressed laughter, just barely choking out words the second they made eye contact with it.

“What the hell do you have?” Clyde asks plainly, a stark opposite to their hyperactivity. 

“Don’t worry about it…” They make a show of slowly moving their hands forward before practically charging Clyde and shoving something in it’s face. It tries to push down it’s primal reflexes, but just barely loses the fight and ends up with it’s tail halfway wrapped around their abdomen. Fast moving objects weren't good for it’s eyes. They either don’t notice or don’t care, and instead move their arms forward, waving the object side to side slightly.

…it’s a plushie. Of Clyde.

“What the hell is that?” Clyde is finally able to ask as Alex loses it fully and doubles over laughing. The thing is obscured by their jacket now, but they had just shown it the strangest souvenir they could’ve gotten. It leans over and plucks it from their hands, turning it over and over. It’s a little compact orange and black-wearing creature, it’s clothing much cleaner and less destroyed than its’ was. It’s got stubby little arms and a stupid smile and is meant to sit politely above a fireplace, collecting dust and smiling with teeth never meant to separate. It’s individual horns were just a bit smaller than even it’s smallest claw.

“...is this me ?” It asks, a level of bewilderment it didn’t know it could reach. Some of its absorbed human psyche was going haywire at this moment, ebbing and flowing with unfamiliarity it couldn’t separate from it’s own pure confusion. Alex is still laughing their ass off. It tries to examine the thing again, as if any of the details were changing. They all stayed just as intentionally charming with every new angle.

It shakes it's head to refresh itself, as if it could wake up from some weird dream. “Where did you get this?” It asks, shaking it in their face like an interrogation. They’re calming down a little, able to breathe at a steady pace now.

“Grimmso’s. They’re priding themselves on being the ‘starting point’.” They stand up fully, wiping their eyes, face thoroughly reddened. “They’re like-rebranding into a tourist spot almost? Obviously they still have their usual stuff, but they have these, and are sort of teasing more?”

It breaks the eye contact to look back at the thing. It’s…very soft. And harmless. And very clearly made to be cute. It’s sure a kid would like it, which is why the whole thing is even more confusing. The plushie’s claws are more rounded than sharp, still plush even with how stiff they needed to be to stand up. It takes one of them in between it’s fingers and squeezes, feels how the material gives.

“...why?” It asks. It can’t tear it’s eyes away from the thing, almost disgustingly malleable under it’s hand.

“You’re a bit of an attraction now. Like Bigfoot.” Alex says, to which Clyde tries to reach through memories to get an answer as to what that was( it doesn’t find anything ). “And they’ve been selling! There were barely any left when I got there!”

“People buy these?” Clyde asks, finally switching its attention from the creature, to which Alex nods enthusiastically.

“I mean, they just came out-but I had to get one obviously.” They’ve calmed down fully and are able to speak without giggling, but they’ve still got a wide grin. They take their glasses off to wipe the insides, Clyde taking one last glance at the thing before handing it back to them once they’re done.

“But…” It catches it’s own reflection in the glass of the front door. It’s just barely a little taller than them, a gap of a meager couple of inches that’s shortened every time they bounce on their toes. Its actual claws catch a bit of the light in the room, reflecting off sharply in the door and impaling it’s pupils. 

“...I…” It has so many things it would like to point out it’s very sure Alex already knows. I have eaten people. I have eaten entire families, erased them from existence. There are people who will jump at noises I never made. There are people who will see me in the dark where I’m not. I have haunted this town, and will whether I want to or-

They gently uncurl it’s tail from their abdomen, take the plushie from it, and place it on the couch, sitting right in between where they usually do, wedging it between the cushions to keep it in place. 

“Oh, also-” They fumble around in the shopping bag again before pulling out a tape. “This was on clearance, and I really wanna see why.” They wrestle the bag off their arm, place it on the kitchen counter, and head to the TV to insert the tape.

“You willingly want to watch something that’s probably bad?” Clyde asks as they crouch down.

“Yep!” They respond, tape accepted and they stand back up. “Go sit down.” It stays right where it is-they go to turn off the lights before they pause, seeing it hasn’t moved.

“All good?” They ask, and it turns to look at them. They catch it’s expression and grin again. “It’ll be fun! We can make fun of it!” They push it backwards onto the couch, just another pang to remind it how domesticated it’s become as it doesn’t make any effort to push them away this time. The lights go off and they jump over from the back of the couch, crashing into Clyde somewhat violently. It feels the plushie compress in between the two of them, it’s horns prodding into it’s leg as they start hitting buttons on their remote. It doesn’t fight anything that’s happening, and it’s not sure it has the capacity to anymore. Something stabs within it, and it can’t even tell if it belongs to it or whatever it’s consumed.

Humans are strange.