Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tris threw the chair off the ledge, the sharp sound of wood breaking against the pavement below echoing in her chest. She wiped her eyes, but they stung too much to hold back the tears. Looking down at the shattered chair, she thought about the day she had sat in it—when the Candor had forced her to face every dark corner of herself with that cruel truth serum. The chair was nothing now, just broken wood. Just like her.

Her gaze wandered out over the ledge, and a thought crept into her mind like a shadow, heavy and cold. What if she stepped off the side, too? Would the fall be fast? Would it hurt? Or would it be a dream—the kind where she wakes up in her mother's arms, safe from everything?

Tris sat down on the edge, her legs dangling over the side. She leaned forward slowly, testing the air with her feet, as though searching for the release the fall might bring. Her hands gripped the stone beneath her, but they weren't sure what they were holding on to anymore.

What would it feel like to let go?

The thought clung to her like a weight. The idea of giving in—of disappearing into nothingness—felt tempting. But then she thought of her mother's face: gentle and kind, full of warmth. Her mother had always made everything seem simpler, softer, when Tris was too lost in her own head to find her way.

But if she took the leap, her mother's sacrifice would have been for nothing. Could she really do that?

A voice cut across the thoughts in her mind.

"Tris, what are you doing?" Tobias's voice was laced with a mix of worry and a little bit of anger.

Her body tensed as if jolted out of a daze. She hadn't even heard him coming.

"Tris, come down!" he called again, urgency creeping into his voice.

"I am okay, Tobias," she replied. She heard his grunt as he climbed up to the ledge behind her.

"What are you doing?" he asked again, glancing at the chair below. "No, Tris, don't." There was more anger now in his voice.

"I don't want to," Tris cried, her voice breaking. "But I can't keep doing this! You hate me. Everyone I loved—or who loved me—is dead!" She dropped her head into her hands.

Tobias inched closer, trying not to scare her. "I don't hate you. I love you with all my heart," he said urgently, his voice trembling. "But you have to stop doing things like this," he whispered.

Tobias slowly sat down behind her, careful not to startle her. He kissed the back of her neck, then gently up to her jawbone, his lips soft against her skin. She leaned into him.

"I love you too. I just don't know what to do," Tris said, looking at him. "I'm breaking, and I don't know how to pull myself together."

"Just come down, and we can talk about this more," he urged gently. He reached for her hand, brushing the back of it with his thumb. Tobias felt a huge weight lift as she didn't fight him when he tugged her away from the edge, her hand slowly relaxing in his.

Tobias grabbed her small hips and lifted her back down into the large auditorium where the Candor held meetings. Now that Tris was no longer on the window ledge, the shock of what had just happened set in. She had really been considering it. Would she have jumped if he hadn't found her in time?

"Are you okay now?" Tobias asked, tucking a strand of her short hair aside.

"Yes," she whispered, her voice raw. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I was being dumb."

"You are anything but dumb. You're the smartest girl I know," Tobias said, smiling at her.

She reached up to his jawline. Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed him hard on the lips. Tobias kissed her back. Tris's hands slid under his shirt and traced the tattoos across his skin. Tobias hooked his thumbs under the waistband of her black pants. He kissed her jaw, then trailed up to her ear.

"Not everyone who loves you is gone."
And their lips touched again.

Chapter Text

The second Tobias saw the open ledge, his stomach dropped.

He walked faster, then broke into a jog, boots slamming the ground. He knew that ledge. He knew what it meant for someone to sit on it, especially like that.

Tris.

She was there—perched on the edge, legs swinging over nothing. Her shoulders were shaking. Below her, a chair lay smashed to pieces on the pavement, like it had been thrown. He recognized it. The same one from the Candor trial. That awful day with the truth serum. The chair they’d made her confess in.

Now it was wreckage. Just like she looked.

“Tris, what are you doing?” He called out. His voice came out too sharp, too loud, but panic gripped his throat.

She didn’t even flinch. Just sat there like the wind could take her if it wanted.

“I am okay, Tobias,” she said.

That made something in him snap a little. No, she wasn’t. Her voice was hollow. Detached. He moved carefully toward the ledge, eyes flicking between her face and the drop below.

“What are you doing?” He asked again, trying to keep the fear out of his voice. His eyes locked on the chair. “No, Tris, don’t.”

“I don’t want to,” she cried, and her voice cracked. “But I can’t keep doing this! You hate me. Everyone I loved—or who loved me—is dead!”

She covered her face with her hands, and something about the way she crumpled made his chest ache.

He stepped forward, slow and cautious, like any sudden movement might send her over. “I don’t hate you. I love you with all my heart,” he said, trying not to shake. “But you have to stop doing things like this,” he whispered.

He sat down behind her, careful not to make a sound she might take as a threat. Gently, he leaned in and kissed the back of her neck, then up toward her jaw, just brushing his lips against her skin. Her body relaxed slightly into his. A little piece of her coming back.

“I love you too. I just don’t know what to do,” she said. Her voice was so small. “I’m breaking, and I don’t know how to pull myself together.”

“Just come down, and we can talk about this more,” he said softly, reaching for her hand. He ran his thumb over the back of it, barely breathing. When she didn’t resist, he gently pulled her away from the edge. Her hand stayed in his, and that alone made him feel like he could breathe again.

He stood and grabbed her by the hips, lifting her off the ledge and back into the auditorium, where the Candor used to hold their meetings. He held her there for a second longer than he needed to, just needing to feel that she was still solid. Still here.

The weight of what almost happened hit him like a punch to the gut.

“Are you okay now?” he asked, brushing a strand of her hair away from her face.

“Yes,” she whispered, voice raw. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was being dumb.”

“You are anything but dumb. You’re the smartest girl I know,” Tobias said, giving her a small smile.

She reached up and touched his jawline. Then she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him—hard. He kissed her back just as fiercely. Her hands slid under his shirt, tracing the lines of his tattoos, the tattoos of his journey, their journey. Every muscle in his body relaxed, how could he say angry or worried when the most beautiful lady in the world was there, kissing him like her life depended on it. And maybe it did. He let his hands rest lightly on her hips, his thumbs slipping under the waistband of her black pants.

He kissed her jaw, then up to her ear.

“Not everyone who loves you is gone.”

And this time, when their lips met, it wasn’t just a kiss. It was a promise that no matter how broken they felt, they were still here—together.