Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alex spent most of the summer avoiding the sweltering Texas sun in Nora and June’s air-conditioned apartment. His own apartment was horribly insulated, somehow keeping the inside more humid than the summer day outside. The on-campus coffee spot he worked at was closed all summer, which left him spending most of his days aimless, searching for any reason to get out of bed and do something; anything. He’d spent practically every summer since June moved out in her apartment, so it was very expected. He had friends outside of his sister and Nora, he had places to go on weekends other than their apartment, things to do other than drinking Modelos and watching Jeopardy, but the trio had been inseparable since high school. He found a sort of comfort in the familiarity and routine – Even though those were usually things he would dread. 

Alex was convinced June only stayed close in order to keep an eye on him. She’d never tell him if it was true. June had always talked about moving to New York City or DC or 100 other places, but never had she talked about staying in Texas. In their childhood home, her bedroom across the hall from Alex’s always had posters on the door, highlighting what her interests and passions were at the time. Like a vision board of sorts. It went from Priscilla Presley and Gogo boots, Jane Austen quotes and Rihanna outfits, to magazine cutouts and Vogue covers of celebrities and models. Eventually, it turned into college brochures, photos of Ethel Payne, Ida B. Wells and other pioneering women of journalism, motivational quotes and various candid photos of models wearing sunglasses walking through city streets. Alex was a junior in high school when June started at UT Austin to get her degree in journalism, and she stayed in that same bedroom until Alex moved out. 

It was a humid Friday night in early summer and as expected, he was at his sister’s apartment. Nora always insisted it was her apartment too, but when Alex walked in, everything reminded him of sitting in June’s bedroom as a teenager eating oreos and turning the TV to max volume to drown out the sounds of their parents arguing. The kitchen stocked with familiar foods (paletas, mangos, oranges, avocados, ramen, and various ingredients), woven blankets covering the couch, the casual messiness of the living space. It was a third home (his first & second being his parents’ separate houses) to Alex. He walked in the door without knocking, Nora and June on the couch, giggling and whispering about something before learning their heads back to see if it was an armed intruder or just Alex. Alex walked over to the couch and leaned over, resting his body against the back of the couch. 

“What are y’all watching?” He looked at the television to see some sort of pastelly cooking show with cakes and old people. 

“British Bake Off,” The two said in nearly perfect unison. Sometimes it freaked Alex out how in sync the two roommates were. The trio used to be a lot more in sync with each other, but something shifted when Alex started university. He knew his sister didn’t exactly agree with his career choice (it was the topic of many arguments), but he didn’t think it’d cause a ripple in their bond. He didn’t think Nora cared either way, but she was never the touchy-feely type with Alex. Well, there was that weird time period in high school when they dated, but that felt so distant to Alex, almost like it never really happened. 

“I like Hell’s Kitchen better,” Alex remarked.

“Of course you do,” June looked up at her brother. “Forgive us for wanting a little bit of joy in our lives,” 

“Woah, sorry. Didn’t know you were that into British people.” He held up his hands, surrendering.

“They’re so nice to each other.” Nora gestured towards the television, some white lady smiling at another white lady. “Also, Gordon Ramsay is British too,” 

“ Yeah, but he’s all bollocks and cunt and fuck off, this show is all tea and crumpets,” 

“Okay, we all know you have a raging boner for Meghan Markle, so don’t even,” Nora paused the show and got up from the couch. Alex started to object but June interrupted before he could speak. 

June faked a gag. “I thought we agreed not to talk about my brother’s dick while I’m in the room,” She followed Nora to the kitchen. 

“Um, what? Bug, is that a real conversation you had?” Alex turned around, now leaning his back on the couch. 

“No, estupido,”  June rolled her eyes playfully and hopped up on the low countertop as Nora opened the fridge, scanning the shelves. Alex dramatically dragged himself over to the kitchen. 

“So, uh … what’s the haps?” He awkwardly smiled and the two whipped their heads to look at him. 

They both laughed, in disbelief of the whitest thing Alex has ever said in his life. 

“Um, what?” June was still recovering from her laughter.

“He said, what’s the haps,” Nora mimicked a valley girl accent. She grabbed three beers in one hand (Alex distantly thought she'd make a great waitress if she wasn’t one of the smartest people on the planet) and set them on the counter next to June.

“Oh, whatever,” Alex grabbed one of the beers and opened it with his teeth.

“It’s all those frat parties,” June smirked. 

“I went to one frat party! One !” He held up his index finger. June grabbed a beer too and opened it like a normal person. 

“And you were never the same …” Nora spoke like it was the end of a horror movie. 

“Oh, shut up,” Alex laughed. “You go to frats like every other weekend,” 

“Touché.” 

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It was the Fourth of July and the two siblings had gone to their dad’s house in California for the weekend. It was only the three of them, which was becoming a more and more rare occurrence over the past few years. June was suntanning on a jelly lounge lawn chair, rereading Sense and Sensibility, their dad was grilling foil-wrapped corn and steak, and Alex was watching from inside through the sliding glass door. His laptop was on the kitchen island, opened to practice tests for the LSAT. He glanced at it before closing the laptop and sliding the door open, stepping outside to the warm air. 

“Watch these,” His dad handed him tongs and vaguely gestured towards the food on the grill. His dad disappeared around the corner of the house. 

“Ha,” June said without looking up from her book. 

“Cállate,” Alex stared blankly at the grill. 

“I think your man crush is here,” June nodded to point behind Alex. 

He turned his head around, seeing his dad come back around the corner with one of Alex’s favorite people in the world, Rafael. It wasn’t a man crush, despite his sister’s teasing, he had just looked up to and admired Rafael nearly his entire life. 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Rafael grinned at the siblings and sat down in a lawn chair at the fold-up table. 

“Hi,” June deadpanned. 

“Raf, hey man!” Alex smiled big, a bit too big, handed the tongs back to his dad and sat down across from Rafael. 

His dad checked the corn on the grill and gestured come here at June with his arm.

“CJ, I know you like yours burnt, but come try this,” 

His dad and June convened at the grill and Alex had his full attention on Rafael. 

“Still planning on law school?” 

“Yeah, only two years to go,” Alex beamed.

“You should be dreading it, not counting down the days,” He took a pack of sour skittles out of his pocket and started plopping them in his mouth. 

“Well. You know. It’s been my plan since high school,”

“It was mine too. Now look at me,” Rafael and Alex’s dad had both decided to switch their careers from being lawyers to being UCLA professors. 

“But you were a damn good lawyer! You actually helped your community, rejected spineless bastards– You, like, fought for what’s right and stuff,” Alex’s confidence wavered as his sentence went on. 

“I wasn’t that good, mijo,” Rafael shrugged, still eating his skittles. 

Before Alex could reply, his dad announced the food was done. They all sat at the table outside, sitting and laughing and eating elote with carne asada, and he let himself forget about the rest of the world for a night.

In the morning, Alex and June were covered in mosquito bites. They fought over the calamina (“I have way more bites than you!” June argued. “Only because you were wearing Daisy Dukes, gimme!”) and got ready for the beach. June wore a green and white gingham bikini with light ripped denim shorts paired with their dad’s straw sun hat, white heart-shaped sunglasses folded around the middle of her bikini top. Alex simply wore navy blue swim trunks adorned with a white palm leaf print and dark brown chanclas. After spraying each other in the face with sunscreen, they loaded their towels and cooler into their dad’s truck, June getting into the driver’s seat with their dad in the passenger seat and Alex behind him. Their dad read off directions to Victoria Beach in Laguna to June, who called him elderly for not just using google maps. Alex leaned forward so he could properly bother his dad. 

“So, I was thinking…” He started. 

“No way,” June leaned back in her seat, the traffic coming to a complete standstill. His dad laughed and rolled down his window, resting his arm outside of it. 

“As I was saying,” Alex huffed at June, “I think I’m gonna ask mom if I can be her paralegal, after I graduate,” 

His dad and June looked at each other and back at Alex. 

“If that's what you want,” His dad shrugged. “But you know what she does is a hell of a lot different than what you wanna do,” 

June shook her head. “It’s reprehensible,” 

“Okay, just because–” 

“Alex, shut up before your sister drives my truck off a cliff,” 

“But–”

“Ay, child,” His dad shushed him and Alex reluctantly leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms and looking away from June. 

He knew what June meant. Their mom worked for huge, million dollar corporations, making sure they got to keep making millions. Alex wanted to be a public defender, not a very financially rewarding job, but he felt like he’d actually be able to make a positive impact on people's lives – like those who can’t afford lawyers to get out of stupid tickets or marijuana charges or to get their abuser put in jail. Still, working under his mom would give him good experience. 

The ride wasn’t too much longer and they parked the truck not too far from the beach. Alex grabbed the cooler, towels, and his dad’s bluetooth speaker, hopped out of the truck and they all walked down the rocky path to the shore. It was windy, sunny, and low tide, but the beach was sparsely populated, letting the three set up their towels and cooler with space to spare. 

So… funny thing about Victoria Beach, there’s a pirate tower. Not a literal 18th century Pirates of the Caribbean style tower, but a 60 ft tall castle-inspired tower built in the 1920s by some pirate fanatic. At least that’s how Alex remembered the story. It sat against the rocky cliff of the beach below the million dollar homes. A family was taking a picture in front of it with a selfie stick. Alex thought of some convoluted comparison between modernity and the tower but decided to tear his eyes away and get a Jarritos soda from the cooler. He sat down on his sun-bleached towel his dad had kept for over ten years and popped open the glass bottle with his teeth. His dad said Alex was gonna break a tooth one day doing that, but it hadn’t happened yet, so Alex wasn’t gonna stop. 

June was laying down on her back with her hat set down beside her and sunglasses put on. Their dad sat down next to Alex, pulling out a Modelo Chelada can and sipping it. 

They sunk into easy conversation, about Los Angeles gentrification, June’s crush on JFK, how Alex got the scar on his elbow, the cinematic masterpiece that is Beverly Hills Chihuahua, their dad’s crazy college stories featuring Raf, and more random anecdotes until the sun began to set. They walked back up to the truck and made the drive back. Tomorrow morning, June and Alex would return to Austin. Alex knew June felt homesick – but not for Austin. She’d always preferred their dad’s new house over their childhood home, something about memories haunting that home and the silence that hung in the air after their dad’s departure to California. Alex had a soft spot for Austin; their mom had bought a condo for herself, but didn’t sell off their childhood home. Their bedrooms were the same as they left them and the house was dusted over, only used for holiday dinners. Sometimes, when Alex was drunk, he’d think about how he wanted to raise a family in that very same home one day. It was a starry-eyed dream, though, as he couldn’t really see himself as somebody who would settle down and have a nuclear family. 

In the morning, June had gotten a light sunburn on her shoulders and stole all the aloe vera lotion their dad had stocked up for the drive back to Austin. Alex praised the car A/C gods the whole way, as every time they stopped for gas, the hot Californian and Arizonian air slapped him in the face and melted his skin off. Not literally. But close enough. It took two days of driving to get back home to Austin and they both basically face planted into the couch when they got back to June’s apartment.

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The next month was a blur, Nora trying to fit in as many tequila shots as possible before they both had to go back to their demanding class schedules. (“Why’d we pick 8 AMs, again?” Nora asked, groaning at her schedule. “I told both of you not to,” June flicked the back of Alex’s head). Soon enough it was the 3rd week of August, classes started and the on-campus cafe had opened again, letting Alex spend all his time either in class, at work, or doing homework. He’d always operated best under these sorts of circumstances. In high school, he had clubs and sports and AP classes. June always had a tendency to worry about Alex when he buried himself in responsibilities, but he genuinely liked his life better this way. Otherwise, he’d get bored or just be stuck with his endless racing thoughts. Who wants that? 

Alex decided to take his English elective credit this semester, British Literature , a 10 AM three days a week. He’d woken up late on registration day and all the Chicano studies classes were already filled up. So. British Literature. He made a list of things that would help him trudge through 16 weeks of this class: 

1. All the free iced coffee he can get from work
2. Kid Cudi’s Man on the Moon album
3. 2PM lunch with Nora at the Union 
4. … 

Yeah, that was not nearly enough. June reassured Alex that the class would be interesting, not boring at all. But she was a romantic who read old novels for fun. Alex would rather read anything not written by white people 200 years ago. 

The first day of class, Alex swung by his work and grabbed his black coffee (with a dash of sugar and cinnamon), took the long way to class, and still got there 10 minutes early. The class was in an older lecture hall, the air stuffy and dusty. Plenty of the seats were already filled, so Alex chose a random seat in the middle of the room and pulled his laptop out of his messenger bag, setting it on the small desk next to his iced coffee. He mindlessly set his bag on the chair next to him and started to scroll through the syllabus on his laptop. 10 minutes into class, they were all still waiting for the professor to arrive, some students starting to chat and joke. Alex heard a maddeningly posh voice from beside him. 

“Uh,” 

He’d hoped for a second it wasn’t who he thought it was. Alex looked up to see the worst person he’d met at UT Austin, maybe ever. The most annoyingly British, white, stuck-up, pretentious guy in the universe. Henry whatever, Alex never bothered to learn his last name. 

“Oh, you’re in this class?” Alex rolled his eyes and averted his attention back to his laptop. 

“Your bag,” Henry pointed to Alex’s bag on the seat. 

“What about it?” He scoffed. 

Henry looked around the room, and Alex realized literally every other chair was taken. Just his luck. Alex shook his head and grabbed his bag, setting it down on the floor between his legs. Henry sat down, setting his own bag beside him, it nearly touching Alex’s leg. So irritating. That little gesture proved to Alex that Henry was still the massive dickhead he remembered him as.

“You’re welcome.” Alex kicked Henry’s bag away. A bit immature, sure, but he deserved it. Henry gave a small nod and Alex noticed his jaw tightening as he pointedly looked away from Alex. 

Two years ago, Alex started his freshman year of college, and he couldn’t’ve been more excited. Even though he didn’t do the whole being sent off to college thing (His childhood home was 10 minutes away), he’d been dreaming about it for years. And it was mostly everything he’d hoped for, but he never predicted how alone he’d feel at first. Alex hated to admit it, but he didn’t actually make genuine friends very easily. He could do small talk, go to parties, and flirt all he wanted, but it seemed that none of this led to any real connection for Alex. Since then, he’s stopped trying to make friends so badly, but all 18 year old Alex wanted was to have somebody in his corner at UT. He had Nora, but with their wildly opposite schedules, Alex felt more isolated than he ever had. He hid it, tried to ignore it by doing extra credit, going to random on-campus events, showing up to parties that Nora invited him to, but his need for genuine connection loomed over him. He hated it. 

That October, June had invited probably every single person she knew to her birthday party. And she told all of those people to invite everybody they know and so on. Alex liked his sister’s parties because there was always so much going on, so many people, that he could just drink and dance and not think about anything. When Alex arrived, he immediately took as many tequila shots as his stomach could handle, wished his sister a very happy birthday and began to start up conversations with every person in the crowded apartment. Eventually he got to somebody he vaguely recognized, but maybe in his haze, just could not remember. He also felt a hand on his shoulder; Nora’s. 

“Pez, meet Alex. Alex, meet Pez,” She wrapped her arm around Alex’s shoulder and he remembered where he recognized the man standing in front of him from. Nora had probably shown him a million pictures, thirsting over his instagram selfies. 

Pez nods, smiling, and Alex attempts a mucho gusto but can’t really get any words out of his mouth because he notices the man standing next to Pez. He was glaring at Alex; he had blue eyes, some sort of darkness behind them and light eye bags under, sandy blonde hair that was surprisingly neat given the situation, and light freckles dotted his nose and cheeks. And he was glaring before Alex had even opened his mouth; Usually the glaring comes after.

“Who’s this?” Alex laughs as he feels his face burn hot and stumbles a bit towards the blonde, Nora’s arm slinking off his shoulder. Blonde guy opens his mouth to speak, but either nothing comes out or Alex is so drunk he can’t comprehend English. 

“Ah, this is my best mate, Henry,” Pez ruffles Henry’s hair. He stops glaring to glance around and he whispers something in Pez’s ear, abruptly turning around and heading towards the front door. Alex, not really thinking, follows him, pushing and sliding past people with ease, his drunk tunnel vision focused in on Henry. Alex sees the front door close and he picks up his pace to open it and slip out unnoticed. 

Henry is barely out of the door when he stops, turning around to face Alex with a look on his face that Alex can’t really discern. 

“Henry, right?” He attempts a smile. Henry’s expression shifts, something like disgust or discomfort washing over his face. 

“Can you please just leave me alone?,” Henry’s accent doesn’t surprise Alex, and before he can process what he said, Henry is walking away and gone around the corner. Alex stood in front of the door, confused and frustrated and a bit worried. And probably more upset than the situation warranted. 

Even if Alex’s emotions were a bit unconstrained that night, he maintains to this day that Henry had been a complete dickhead that night, and every other time they’ve interacted after that — which happens much more frequently than Alex would like. Pez is often invited wherever Nora and/or June go, and often, he brings Henry. Over the past two years, Alex had actually grown to really enjoy Pez’s presence. He didn’t know why somebody as fun and friendly as Pez would be best friends with Henry. But. It really wasn’t any of Alex’s business, according to Nora (“87% chance that Henry is perfectly pleasant and you are just a very loud drunk who holds grudges,”). But every time he and Henry were in a room together, Henry avoided Alex like the plague and basically ignored him when Alex did try to talk to him. He seemed to get along just fine with June and Nora, though, so it had to be something personal. At first, Alex really thought that Henry might’ve just had a bad night, or gotten overwhelmed – but the coldness that he’s given Alex in the multiple interactions since then disproved that theory. 

So, yeah, now Alex liked to be immature and make Henry tick. Henry had never actually been straight-up rude to Alex, but his whole demeanor had an essence of fakeness and pomposity. He was all polite smiles and few words, and it drove Alex a little crazy. He knew that Henry hated him, but Henry would never say it. Alex made it his mission to try and piss him off so much that Henry couldn’t hide his anger behind fake smiles and politeness. 

Alex was zoning out so much he didn’t even really notice when the professor did come in and start talking. He refocused his eyes and scanned the text that was being projected onto the whiteboard. There was a calendar with book titles, authors, essays, and projects outlined for the whole semester. Alex glanced over to Henry, who was writing in his notebook, in cursive. Alex almost burst out laughing just at that. Henry shifted his eyes to look at Alex. Alex blinked at him, before kicking his leg and looking back at his laptop. He could barely see Henry’s reaction in his peripheral, but just the thought made Alex bite his lip to hold back a laugh.

Chapter Text

October began uneventfully. The weather hardly changed, the humid 95 degree summer turning into a slightly less humid 80 degree autumn. The trio agreed to weekly cooking/movie nights at the girls’ apartment, mainly a plot by June to keep Alex from falling into a bottomless pit of papers, loneliness, and studying. She wasn’t slick. Alex was dying of boredom at work, only 15 minutes left of his shift, so he checked his phone. 

chaos demon: chicken parm tonight??

chaos demon: hello

chaos demon: my dear claremont-diaz siblings 

chaos demon: i can make beef stew

chaos demon: squash casserole????? 

bug: Sorry 

bug: Training a new hire rn 

bug: Chicken parm sounds good

bug: We can swing by the store when im off

lowkey wanna watch titanic tn

chaos demon: im not surprised

chaos demon: i knew you were a secret romantic 

chaos demon: it runs in your blood

nvm lets watch goodfella s

Alex shoved his phone back into his pocket, cleaned random nooks and crannies, and clocked out. June didn’t work too far away – she worked at a small family-owned bookstore downtown full-time until she found a good journalism gig. She’d worked there all throughout college, too. It didn’t make sense to her to try and find a new job. The bookstore, 2nd Street Books, attracted all the hipsters and thrifty college kids in town, especially since it had a cafe attached to it. These were the types of people June usually made friends with, which was great, but they weren’t very fun at parties. Speaking of, June’s birthday was in a week. She didn’t want a huge rager, rather just a get-together with some drinking and loud music. Alex was instructed not to invite anybody he knew. Not that he could really think of anybody to invite besides smart hot girls in his ethics lectures. Alex flung open the door to the bookstore and sauntered over to the front desk. He rested his elbows on the chest-height wooden counter and looked around the store. It was fairly empty, a faint Fleetwood Mac song playing and fairy lights on the wall blinking. He heard his sister’s voice behind him and swiveled his body around. She was in front of a bookshelf, pointing at different books and items and talking to somebody, who was hidden behind a spinning display of trinkets and toys. 

He walked over to June and was going to say hello, but his eyes quickly were drawn to the man in front of her– Henry. Alex stopped in his tracks and already felt the frustration bubbling to his chest. Henry was wearing the same sage green apron that June was, with a plastic name tag and text reading 𝟤ɴᴅ ꜱᴛʀᴇᴇᴛ ʙᴏᴏᴋꜱ . Alex looked at June, then back at Henry again, trying to piece together this strange puzzle. 

“Alex, hello,” Henry finally spoke, plastering a fake smile on his face. Alex flashed a very obviously fake smile and turned to his sister. 

“Bug, you’re off soon, right?” Alex made a point of not looking at Henry. 

“Mhm…” June had always been amused by Alex’s vitriol towards Henry. She joked that it was very homoerotic. June pulled her phone out of her apron pocket to check the time. “I just have to go over some things with Henry, then I’ll be free,” She smiled kindly at Henry. “Oh! I have to grab some of the onboarding paperwork for you, I’ll be right back,” June rushed through a door labelled Employees Only, leaving Alex alone with this British abomination. Henry stared at him dumbly and Alex rolled his eyes.

“So, what, you work here now?” Alex crossed his arms, looking Henry up and down judgmentally. 

Henry sighed. “So it seems.” 

“Why?” 

“You’re asking me… why I got a job?” He spoke slowly. 

“I’m asking you why you got a job here . With my sister. Are you trying to sabotage my life?” Alex asked point-blank. 

Henry laughs. Alex thinks this is probably the first time he’s seen this laugh, Henry slightly throwing his head back and cheeks aflush. It’s a soft, silky laugh, but there’s some sort of liveliness to it that catches Alex off guard. 

“No,” He paused and his face went back to a polite blank slate. “I’m sorry to say, my life doesn’t revolve around you,” 

Alex moved closer to Henry, who stepped back. 

“What? I don’t bite,” Alex didn’t really know why he moved closer in the first place, maybe somewhere in his mind he thought he had a chance to deck Henry. Henry’s eyes widened slightly at this comment and he looked away from Alex. It seemed like he was at a loss for words, for whatever reason, and before Alex could make fun of him for it, June rushed back into the room.

June stared at the two for a second. “Um, I got your paperwork, Henry. Sorry about Alex,” She shot a look at him. 

“What?! I didn’t even do anything!” Alex’s tone was kinda like a kid that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but Henry was the one who started all of this. 

Henry simply smiled and took the papers that June was handing him. 

“Thank you, June.” He looked down at the paper and back up at June. Alex looked at Henry’s face, and realized that this Henry – the one that was smiling courteously, whose entire body was so tense even Alex could tell – was a lot different than the Henry that was just laughing at Alex. He noticed the difference in class, when Henry would argue with a classmate about Byron, he noticed it when Henry would be in the corner of a party with Pez. He was usually so tightly wound up – robotic, even, but there were some moments where he seemed so unrestrained, so human, and Alex craved more of it so he could have less frustrating conversations with him. And actually argue. 

She turned to Alex. “Wait here, I’m just gonna show Henry how to clock out and then we can go,” She patted Alex on the shoulder and the pair walked past him. 

Alex’s eyes followed Henry, and he genuinely started to wonder why he got a job here. As far as he knew, Henry was rich – like, old money rich. So was Pez. Rich British dudes. Sure, Alex’s parents weren’t exactly struggling themselves and they were helping Alex pay for college, and he still had a job, but they weren’t buying-a-building-and -naming-it-after-themselves rich. Admittedly, Alex didn’t really know … anything about Henry’s life. He kinda just assumed that Henry went to class and then went home and powered off. Alex shrugged off the thought as he waited for his sister to come back from the Employees Only door. He went back to the front desk to lean on it, tapping his fingers rhythmically on the wood. 

June opened the door and held it open for Henry and walked up to Alex. Henry had already started to walk out of the store, not even giving Alex a glance. 

“Guess what,” June had a big grin on her face. 

“Oh god,” The two started to walk out together, Alex following behind June. 

“I invited Henry to my birthday, which means–” 

Alex cut her off. “You personally invited my arch nemesis? My enemy? My rival?” 

“Okay, you are way over-exaggerating.” She shook her head as they walked out of the store. “You know Henry doesn’t even have an issue with you, right?” 

“Seriously, Bug?” Alex stopped on the sidewalk. 

“What?”

“Maybe you don’t see it, but he looks at me like I ran over his dog,” 

“You know about his dog?” June exclaimed.

“He has a dog? Wait– What? No, you’re not getting my point,” 

“Okay, well,” June checked her phone. “Can we walk to Whole Foods and talk about this? We’re sort of on a time crunch,”

Alex didn’t even realize they were standing just 2 feet outside of the store. “Oh. right,” He turned his body and started walking down the sidewalk. 

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So, Alex and Nora had gathered all the supplies for June’s party, insisting June could not pay for her own birthday party decorations and food. They inevitably fought in the middle of Walmart over whether Capri Sun or Hawaiian Punch was a better chaser or if they should go with Betty Crocker cake mix or Pillsbury. It all didn’t really matter in the end. June decided to have her party at Alex’s apartment for whatever reason, but he didn’t object. It’d only be a few people anyway. And Henry. Alex tried not to think about it. Around sunset, the trio decorated his apartment with streamers, balloons, set up beer pong and trays of food. 

“How long has it been since you cleaned?” June dragged her finger down the wall, a thin layer of dust coating her finger.

“Not that long! It just gets dusty really quick,” Alex threw clorox wipes at her. “Hey– Stop!” He said to Nora, who was inspecting his lint-covered dryer. 

Nora laughed playfully. “Sorry!” She turned away and plopped down on the couch. “I haven’t been here in so long, I forgot how men live, all gross and messy–” 

“I’ve been busy ,” He insisted. He sat down next to her on the couch and crossed his leg, his ankle resting on his other knee. 

June looked back at the pair as she was scrubbing the wall with a clorox wipe. “Sure,” She threw the clorox wipe into the trash can. “Or, it’s the fact that you only come here to sleep,” 

Nora looked at Alex. “Yeah, why are you always at our place?” She tilted her head. It seemed like a joke question but, the truth was, it was the comfort that their apartment brought him. His apartment was .. fine, it just never felt like home. He was rarely there, like June said, he really only slept and showered here. He studied at June’s bookstore or in cafes, and spent most if not all of his free time with June and/or Nora. 

“Um..” Alex looked at the two who were staring at him for an answer. Fortunately, a knock came at the door. The first guest to June’s party. Thank God. He jumped up to open the door. Alex opened it happily, but. 

“Oh, it’s you.” Alex rolled his eyes and held the door open for Henry to come in. 

“Hello,” Henry nodded and walked into the apartment. June and Nora waved happily at him. 

“There’s beer, wine, and tequila and some fucked up charcuterie board that Alex came up with–” Nora pointed towards the kitchen counter.

“It’s a normal charcuterie board. It’s not for Henry, though,” Alex gave him a dirty look. Henry stood awkwardly by the door. Alex hated silence. 

“Where’s Pez?” He asked. 

Henry looked around like it wasn’t obvious Alex was talking to him. “Uh–” 

Nora interjected. “Oh, he texted me earlier, he’s running late.” She smiled at the two. 

“Come, sit!” June waved Henry over to the couch and quietly told Nora to scoot over. Alex gave June a look he’d hoped she’d understand, one that said Do not let my enemy sit on MY couch, but she ignored it. June and Nora were on one end of the couch with Henry a comfortable distance from them. How’d they kick Alex off his own couch? Alex sat down next to Henry, squishing the four of them all together, since realistically only three people could fit on this couch. 

“Do you mind?” Henry looked down at the 0 centimeters of space between him and Alex, their legs pushing against each other very uncomfortably. Alex didn’t even care, because he knew Henry was uncomfortable, and that filled him with glee. Alex just sunk deeper into the couch and closer to Henry, his elbow jabbing Henry’s ribcage. At this, Henry’s eyes flickered to meet Alex’s and he elbowed Alex right back. Oh, so you do have some fight in you, Alex thought. This is what Alex wanted, for Henry to finally show how much he hated Alex. And even better, in front of June and Nora. Alex kept pushing into Henry, who was trying not to crush June and Nora into the side of the couch. June and Nora were simply watching the two with amusement. Alex saw a switch in Henry flip, Henry turning his body towards Alex and grabbing hold of Alex’s T-Shirt collar in his hand, using it to push Alex’s body back and away from him. 

“Are you quite finished?” Henry said with one last small push of Alex with his hold on the shirt, before letting go and getting up off the couch. He sheepishly looked at June and Nora. They both were clearly holding in bouts of laughter, but Alex’s brain was too scrambled to comprehend what even just happened. Did Henry just manhandle him? Alex blinked. Henry genuinely sounded so frustrated, like he wanted to punch Alex straight in the nose, and that was the most Alex had ever liked him. Before Alex can really think about that further, another knock on the door. 

Finally somebody spoke. “Come in!” June shouted. She looked over at Alex with a .. strange expression. Pez came through the door, “Hello, darlings!” He sauntered over and gave Henry a quick hug. “Happy birthday to you,” He gestured over to June who smiled. “So, have you lot started drinking yet, or…?”
“Nope!” Alex hopped off the couch. “Let’s start. Now.” He strided over to the alcohol and poured himself a tequila shot. Pez, June, and Nora followed behind, Nora grabbing a beer while June and Pez poured themselves shots as well. 

“Well, come on, Haz, you’re not staying sober tonight, are you?” Pez looks eagerly at Henry. 

Henry swallows. “Absolutely not,” He said, and walked over to grab the bottle of wine. 

“Ah, nuh-uh. We are getting plastered in honor of Junebug here,” Pez poured a tequila shot and handed it to Henry. He looked at the shot glass like it was foreign to him, but cheered and took the shot with everybody else, Nora cheering with her beer bottle.

“I feel so honored,” June joked.

 Henry’s face wrinkled up after taking the shot, and he searched the counter with his eyes for a chaser. 

“What, can't handle your liquor?” Alex sniped. 

Henry coughed. “That was … abhorrent,” He desperately grabbed the uncorked wine bottle off of the counter and drank right out of the bottle. The other three had gathered onto the couch, turning on the television. Alex was busy laughing at Henry. 

“Dude, there’s literally juice right here,” Alex opened the fridge and pointed at the huge bottle of Hawaiian Punch. 

“Right,” Henry looked back towards the front door. 

“Expecting somebody?” Alex asked. 

“Huh?” Henry looked at Alex with a face riddled with confusion. “Ah. No. Are there more guests set to arrive?” He set the bottle of wine back down on the counter. 

“Uhhh,” Alex searched his brain. He really didn’t know who else June had invited. Alex turned his head towards his sister, who was sitting on the couch in between Pez and Nora. 

“Hey, Bug,” 

June turned her head. “Hm?” 

“How many people did you invite?” Why was he even asking this for Henry? It’s not like Alex cared. June could fit as many people as she wanted in here. He wouldn’t even care if somebody threw up in the toilet or tried to have sex on his bed. 

“Oh, just a few more,” June pulled out her phone, seemingly to send some texts. 

Alex looked back at Henry. “There you have it,” Alex poured himself another shot and took it. Henry nodded and glanced around, avoiding Alex’s gaze. Alex started to tap his foot absentmindedly, sort of zoning out while looking in a random direction. 

“You have a dog?” Alex blurted. 

“I’m sorry?” Henry looked a bit bewildered. 

Alex cleared his throat. “June said you have a dog.” 

“Oh. Yes. That’s right,” Henry tilted his head. “Why do you ask?” 

Alex scoffed and rolled his eyes. “God, I can’t make conversation?” He started walking towards the couch. “You are so irritating,” Alex sneered and sat on the edge of the couch next to Nora. Nora glanced up at him and pulled her phone out. Alex felt his back pocket vibrate. 

chaos demon: gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Alex furrowed his eyebrows. 

what are you talking abt 

Nora didn’t even look at her phone when it chimed. Alex glanced at Henry who was just .. standing in the kitchen, looking at the group on the couch. He looked sort of .. sad? Alex’s thought was interrupted by another set of knocks at his door. June got up this time to greet her thrifty hipster bookstore friends. One of them went straight to Henry. A coworker, probably. She and Henry started a pleasant conversation. It bothered Alex. Henry is not about to romance a girl in Alex’s apartment; Alex wouldn’t allow his own living space to facilitate Henry’s happiness. So Alex hopped off the couch again and found himself at Henry’s side. He took a shot off the kitchen counter and then wrapped his arm around Henry’s shoulder, aiming to annoy him and get him to snap so it would scare off the girl. Henry whipped his head to look at Alex with wide eyes. He looked offended. 

“So, uh, y’all work together?” Alex leaned into Henry, Henry tensing up at the touch and still looking at Alex. He didn’t really have a clear objective, he was just hazily trying to sabotage Henry.

The girl looked a little confused but just went along with the conversation. “Well, no, I actually work at the cafe next door, but I’ve always made friends with the 2nd street people,” She smiled kindly. 

Alex let his jaw drop a bit dramatically. “No way! I work at a cafe too. What are the odds?” He glanced over at Henry, trying to see any sort of reaction, but he couldn’t tell. He pulled Henry in closer just to get something out of him. 

The girl nodded and looked at the two inquisitively. “Oh, are you guys together?” 

Henry snapped his head to look at Alex. “Uh–” 

Alex had the greatest idea. He held back a maniacal laugh and put on a cheesy smile. “Yeah, yeah. Yes! Boyfriend of the year award to this guy,” Alex kept his best fake smile on and looked at Henry with spite in his eyes. Henry blinked and his face was kind of frozen in shock. 

Henry gave a small fake laugh. “Excuse us,” He smiled at the girl and she nodded. Henry spun out of Alex’s side hug and grabbed him by the arm. Alex bit his tongue to hold back his laughter until they were out of sight. Come to think of it, where was Henry dragging him? Before Alex could really think about it, he was shoved into his own bedroom as Henry shut the door. He looked pissed. “Oh my god, the look on your face– fucking priceless!”Alex finally let out his laughter and sat on his bed. Henry looked like he was about to murder him as he stood in front of the door, glaring at Alex. 

“What is your issue?” Henry spoke through gritted teeth, his exasperation slipping through his tone. 

“What’s my issue? You’re the one who just pushed me into my own bedroom,” Alex was still laughing through his words, mostly in disbelief now, because what even was happening right now? “Like, at least take me out to dinner first–” 

“This is your flat?” Henry sounded choked as he looked around the room, scanning the walls and objects in the room. 

“Who else’s?” 

Henry exhaled heavily. “I don’t know,” Henry looked back directly at Alex’s face. “You’re drunk.” 

Alex was definitely buzzed from the three shots he’d taken in such quick succession, but he’s definitely not as drunk as he would usually get. He probably looked it, though, as Alex could feel the warmth of his face. He leaned back to lay on his bed with his legs hanging off, still looking at Henry. “What? No. Tipsy, maybe. I dunno. What’s your point, dickhead?” 

“Why are you …” Henry bit his lip. He turned to face away from Alex. “You do this at every party. You find me and make it your life’s purpose to make my night a living hell. Why?” 

Alex sat back up in objection. He scoffed and tried to find the words to say, but struggled because Henry was… completely right. Alex found a lot of joy in ruining Henry’s night every time he was invited to a party. Henry turned back around to look at Alex, like he was waiting for some meaningful answer, but Alex didn’t really have one to give him. 

“ You’re the one who’s a pretentious asshole. You started all of this,” was the answer that he landed on. 

Henry averted his eyes for a moment and took a breath. “What?” 

“ What? ” Alex mocked in, admittedly, a terrible British accent. “You don’t remember the first time we met?” 

“Uhm,” Henry paused. “Remind me?” 

“Oh my god, you seriously don’t remember. Wow.” Alex laughed. “Two years ago, to the day,” Alex searched for signs of recognition in Henry’s face, but didn’t see a change. “June’s birthday party, I tried being your friend, and you told me to leave you alone.” 

“Oh.” Henry said. 

“And then!” Alex stood up, walking towards Henry. “Every single time you’re ever around me, you treat me like I’m so below you, but you’re best friends with June and Nora–” 

“Um–” 

“I’m not finished,” 

“Okay.” 

“You were a fucking prick to me. So obviously you’re the one who has an issue with me. I’m just getting some fun out of it,” Alex shrugged.

 That … wasn’t really the extent of it, but it’s not like Henry deserved the full truth. The full truth was this: Alex was so desperately lonely that night two years ago. He’d hoped that June invited somebody, anybody that he could latch onto. Pathetic, yeah, but he was going through it. For some reason, when he saw Henry for the first time, something filled up his chest and he felt like he could finally make a friend. There was something in the way he carried himself that captivated Alex. It was embarrassing for Alex to look back on, but that’s what his dumb drunk nineteen-year-old self thought. So when Henry basically ran away from him, and then repeatedly rejected any attempt Alex made at being friendly, at first it hurt Alex’s feelings. That thought nearly made Alex laugh now. But he found some sort of weird amusement in making Henry tick, in seeing his mouth twitch when he was trying to keep a smile on his face but was so angry with Alex, how he’d look whenever Alex would kick him or make a crude joke towards him. 

“Ah.” Henry nodded. “I’m .. going to go.” He turned towards the door, but Alex grabbed his shoulder. He once again tensed up at the touch. 

“God, dude, what is your problem with me?” 

Henry sighed and looked at Alex. He let out a small laugh. “You–” He laughed, “You are, quite literally, the most insufferable person I have ever met,”

Right. That answer made sense for Henry. Alex didn’t know why he was expecting something else. Some sort of apology or literally anything that wasn’t an insult. 

“Fuck you,” Alex didn’t say this with much malice behind it, more like a casual response to Henry’s statement.  

 “Can I go? Or are you going to hold me hostage here forever?” Henry said blankly. 

Alex let go of Henry’s shoulder. “Whatever,” He shook his head. 

Henry opened the door slightly and looked back at Alex. “I am sorry,” He looked directly into Alex’s eyes, which made Alex feel a certain nervous way. “For how I acted that night. I was, in fact, a prick to you. Um,” He swallowed and looked unsure of himself. “It’s not an excuse, but my father had died not too long before that, and I was a prick to everybody in that time. So. I am sorry,” 

Before Alex can answer, Henry is out of his room with the door shut behind him. He simply stared at the door. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

“Oh, I made a group chat for friendsgiving,” June said, chewing her sandwich while sitting on her kitchen counter. Alex leaned against the stove across from her and looked at his phone quickly. 

“I still think we should do something with mom,” Alex sipped from his iced coffee. 

“She’s working, Alex.” June looked up from her sandwich with disdain. Both of their phones chimed, and both of them looked. 

chaos demon: WHOS COOKING WHAT

Bug: Inside voices 

(???) ???-????: I’m an awful cook. Can I opt out? 

Pez (like the candy): No x

Bug: Im the host here 

Bug: Yes Henry you can opt out

Bug: Alex is forcibly opted out cuz he almost burned down the apartment last thanksgiving 

(???) ???-????: Thank you.

that is not what happened 

(???) ???-????: I assume that’s Alex’s number.

wow what an astute observation 

chaos demon: plz keep the homoerotic arguments outside of the gc

that is not what this is 

chaos demon: 90% chance that it is… 

100% chance you made that up

chaos demon: at least i didnt start a small fire in the oven

that DID NOT HAPPEN 

Bug: Thats exactly what happened 

chaos demon: ok so what are we cooking??? 

chaos demon: answer me 

chaos demon: now plz 

Pez (like the candy): I’ll bring whatever you’d like me to. I’m somewhat of a chef x 

(???) ???-????: Surely you are talking about your personal chef. What was her name again?

chaos demon: ooooooooo burn

Bug: Idc who makes it as long as its good

and yet you wont let me contribute 

(???) ???-????: You are a walking house fire.

and what are you

the walking personification of watching paint dry?

chaos demon: omg 

chaos demon: can someone plz just tell me what we’re eating on thursday

Bug: I’ll make turkey and sides 

Bug: Nora you can make mac and cheese

Bug: Pez, be a doll and bring pumpkin pie

Pez (like the candy): Ofc 

(???) ???-????: What time would you like us to be there? 

never o'clock

but pez can come at 5

(???) ???-????: Ha.

(???) ???-????: So funny.

(???) ???-????: I’m dying of laughter over here.

hahahahaahhahahahahahahahahaha

haahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha 

your sarcasm is SO charming

(???) ???-????: So is yours.

Alex set Henry’s contact name to dickhead and set his phone down on the counter. June looked up at him. “What are you smiling about?” 

“What?” Alex fixed his face. 

“Oh, nevermind,” June said sing-songy and waved off the thought. She had a glint of mischief in her eyes. 

Alex shook his head. “Why’d you even invite Henry? Doesn’t he have his own family?” 

“They’re all in London! I felt a little bad.” June scratched her head nervously. 

“He has the money to fly over there,” Alex rolled his eyes. 

“Oh, c’mon. We don’t know what the situation is. Just be nice.” She hopped off of the counter. 

“The situation is–” Alex cuts himself off when he sees a text pop up on his screen.

dickhead: Are you ever going to finish your half of the final? 

Right. For some reason, Alex agreed to partner up with Henry for their final project in British Literature. It was pretty lame and they were given so long to do it that Alex had pretty much completely forgotten about it. He’d figured that he could just do it the night it’s due, since all he really had to do was summarize themes of novels and some other stuff he didn’t read off of the assignment checklist. 

dickhead: Of course, if you’re not up to it, I can finish your half for you. 

dickhead: I don’t mind your incompetence. 

Alex scoffed at his phone as he picked it up. 

“Oh my god, what?” June hopped off of the counter and tried to look over Alex’s shoulder to see what he was reacting to. 

“It’s just Nora,” Alex said, hiding his phone screen. “Y’know, making fun of me for the whole oven fire thing.” 

June definitely didn’t believe him, but she shrugged and looked away anyways. “Right,” She looked at her own phone to check the time. “Don’t you have work?” 

Alex looked at his own phone for the time. “Shit!” He hurriedly grabbed his backpack off of the floor and headed towards the front door. 

“Um, bye!” June yelled after him. 

Alex waved and rushed out of her apartment. Another text. 

dickhead: I’m taking your silence as a yes. 

Alex kept walking and opened the text, to the contact, and pressed the call button. “You know what? I’m gonna wait until the very last minute to get it done, just to spite you,” Alex was practically jogging down the apartment stairs. “And–” 

“Alex?” Henry’s voice came through baffled and drowsy. “Why do you sound out of breath?” 

Alex paused. “Were you napping?” He made his way out of June’s apartment complex and to the street. 

Henry took a moment to speak. “Um.” Alex heard muffled shuffling. “You didn’t answer my question, so I hardly think I’m obliged to answer yours,” 

Alex scoffed once again. “I’m late for work,” 

“Ah,” Henry paused. “You work on-campus, correct?”

“Um, yeah, why?” Alex turned the corner to enter campus and started to search through his bag for his uniform, holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

“Were you just in class?” 

“No? What?” Alex continued to rummage through his bag as he walked. 

“As far as I know, you can’t be penalized if you’re late because of academics,” 

Alex stopped in his tracks. “Wait, really?” 

“No.” Henry chuckled. “You’re fucked, I’m afraid.” 

“Oh, fuck you,” Alex continued walking, finally finding his apron and hat. “I’m gonna tell them that you, mister Henry whatever–”

“Wait,” Henry laughed. “You don’t know my name?” 

“Huh?” Alex was walking up to the cafe, nearly completely out of breath. 

“You don’t know my name, Alex Claremont-Diaz,” 

“Okay, well, first of all, you forgot my middle name,” Alex pushed open the door to the cafe. “Second of all, why would I know your full name?” 

“Oh, well,” Henry jeered. “Our professor only says my full name, what, every single class?” 

“I only pay attention when she says my name!” Alex rushed past his coworker to clock in on the register. “Listen, I gotta go,” 

“Henry Fox,” Henry says. 

Alex snorted. “What, like the James Bond guy? Arthur Fox?” He was joking, but Henry’s silence was resounding. 

“No way,” Alex began tying his apron around his waist. 

“June never mentioned it?” Henry replied. 

“No.” Alex looked up at his coworker who was waiting to clock out. He made a mental note to harass June about not telling him that his enemy’s dad was a famous actor. “Uh, I really gotta go,” 

“Okay,” Henry said. 

“Okay,” Alex blankly stared at his coworker who was glaring back at him. 

“Okay…” 

“Bye.” Alex said tersely.  

“Bye, Alex,” It almost sounded like Henry was smiling. 

Alex hung up the phone and awkwardly smiled at his coworker. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

“Are y’all burning the turkey?” Alex walked into June and Nora’s apartment, swinging towards the kitchen and observing the two leaning down, peering into the oven window. Nora whipped her body around at the sound of Alex’s voice.

“No!” She got up and gave him a quick hug. “Do you think all of us will fit at the beer pong table?” She gestured towards the living room which was completely rearranged, their couch now resting against the wall and a fold-up table in the middle with a variety of different chairs. 

“I dunno,” Alex shrugged and opened the fridge, searching for a snack. 

June spun around and shut the door, nearly crushing Alex like he was a baby knocking down a television. 

“If you eat even a crumb of food before dinner, I’m slitting your throat,” She hissed. Alex backed away from the fridge. 

“In true Thanksgiving fashion,” He joked monotonously. 

“Can you… make yourself useful?” Nora, again, gestured towards the fold-up table that had no food, no plates, and no tablecloth. Pez and Henry were supposed to be there in 30 minutes, and the pair hosting hadn’t even set the table yet. 

“You guys should’ve done this forever ago,” Alex shook his head in disapproval and started to look through their kitchen cabinets for dishes. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” June scoffed. “We were too busy making half of the food for y’all,” 

“Hey, I offered to help,” Alex grabbed plates from a cabinet above him. 

“Help start a fire in our kitchen again? No thanks,” Nora smacked her lips. The two gathered around the stove again, various entrees bubbling in pots and the turkey ominously roasting in the oven. 

Alex shrugged off the comment and started to set the table. Now that he was here, he realized that this is the first Thanksgiving he’d spent without at least one of his parents. It was a stupid holiday anyway, but most years, his mom would get the day off and spend it cooking and spending time with the siblings. Alex always set the table without having to be asked, wanting to lighten the burden on his mom. Alex definitely got his workaholism from her, because he’d definitely be working today if campus wasn’t closed for the holiday. Although, he enjoyed these sorts of family dinner get-together holidays more than he’d like to admit. In the time after his parents’ divorce, Alex was barely holding himself together. He fueled himself with stress and held onto anything that made him feel like he was enough. Wow, very depressing. Anyways, holiday dinners reminded him of his happy childhood and how everybody got along before the divorce. He was usually brought back to reality when the arguing inevitably started. His train of thought was broken off by an exclamation from Nora. 

“Ow! Shit! Goddamnit, fucker!” She was holding the aluminum turkey pan with her bare hands, dropping it down on the stovetop and rushing to the sink to run cold water over her hands.

“Oh my god, oven mitts, Nora, oven mitts.” June grabbed the aforementioned out of the broiler drawer. She put them on and pulled the baked mac and cheese out of the oven. Everything smelled so good. Alex often forgot how good of a cook June was. He noticed June wrapping her arms around Nora from behind and resting her head while Nora frantically ran her hands under the faucet. This wasn’t unusual – ever since the two moved in together, they had pretty much been attached at the hip. Alex chalked it up to weird girl stuff. A chime came from all three of their phones, June and Alex reflexively checked theirs. 

dickhead: Unfortunately, I won’t be able to show up tonight. 

Bug: Aw that sucks but its okay. 

why not?

dog ate your shoes? 

dickhead: What?

dickhead: If you must know, I’m sick. 

yeah right 

dickhead sent an image 

Bug: Jesus christ. 102?!?!?! 

Bug: Plz stay away from me for at least 3 business days 🙏

  photoshop 

Bug: Omg stop

Bug: Take some damn medicine!!! And feel better soon! 

dickhead: I don’t think I actually have any paracetamol, but thank you. 

wtf is paracetamol 

Bug: British tylenol 

so

acetaminophen 

Nora was done rinsing the first degree burn off of her hands and looked over June’s shoulder at the groupchat. 

“We should bring him our huge ass bottle of tylenol,” Nora suggested. 

“Yeah, no. We still have to finish the mashed potatoes, the stuffing, the–” June was cut off by Alex, who very begrudgingly realized something. 

He sighed dramatically. “I’ll bring him some,” 

“So, you don’t hate him?” Nora asked. 

“Obviously, I hate him,” Alex walked into the kitchen to grab the medicine from the cabinet. “But, I know Bug wants him here, so I’ll go over there and drag him here,” Alex had to stand on his tippy-toes to reach the tylenol. How did Nora and June ever reach it? 

“Right… It’s really not that big of a deal,” June turned her attention to the food on the stove, wrapping the turkey in foil to keep it warm. 

“I can’t–” Alex groaned. Yes, he hated Henry. Yes, thinking about Henry with a thermometer in his mouth and an ice pack on his head was funny. Yes, Henry deserved to have a 102 degree fever. But … Alex unfortunately had a case of a heart of gold, which meant his chest filled with guilt if he knew he wasn’t doing everything in his power to help everybody all the time. “I can’t just stand here knowing that he’s dying ,” He was being melodramatic, but he really couldn’t just stand there and ignore the fact that June’s friend/coworker was suffering. 

June and Nora looked at each other and back at Alex. 

“Okay, whatever, but don’t bring him here. He’s gonna make us all sick,” June seemed to look at Nora for approval. 

“Yeah, I lowkey don’t want to sanitize the apartment top to bottom,” Nora began to stir a pot on the stove. 

“Okay, well, I’ll be back, don’t start without me!” Alex walked out of the door and pulled out his phone to text Henry.

where do you live?

hello 

helloooooooo 

are you dead?

Alex stood awkwardly outside of the apartment door waiting for a text back. He cursed himself for caring about the wellbeing of somebody he didn’t even like, and pressed the call button. It took a few rings, but finally, 

“Hello?” Henry’s voice was hoarse and groggy. 

“Where do you live?” Alex asked as if this was a very normal question to ask his mortal enemy. He began to walk out of the apartment complex. 

Henry coughed. “What?” His voice came through low-pitched and quiet, as if his throat hurt too much to speak above 60 decibels. 

“Is your brain toast from the fever?” Alex made it out to the outside of the complex, leaning against the wall of it. Henry said nothing. “Um, hello?” Alex said. 

“Sorry,” Henry let out a heavy breath. “I’m a bit out of it,” 

“Okay, but like,” Alex paused. “Where do you live?”

“Hm, I’ll just send you my location,” Henry sounded like he was about to fall asleep. 

“Like, now, please?” He insisted. 

“Er, are you coming to murder me?” 

Alex groaned. “No! I’m– I’m bringing you medicine,” He said with great shame in his voice. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, so, send me your Find My or whatever, okay?” 

“Right.” 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Bye.” He hung up because the way Henry’s voice sounded was … annoying him. Yeah, surely that was the correct verb, Alex thought. His phone vibrated with the text from Henry and surprisingly, he only lived like a 10 minute walk away. Alex wondered where Henry would move once he graduated. He knew Henry was a year above him, so logically, Henry would probably be out of Alex’s life forever by the end of next semester. Thank God. 

Well. Part of Alex actually liked having Henry around. Not because anything about Henry was actually likeable, but Alex had constructed a list in his head of the reasons why he liked to have Henry around.  

1. Henry actually has some interesting opinions on literature, which makes British Literature a hell of a lot less boring. 
2. June seemed to genuinely enjoy Henry’s company. They had a lot in common, much to Alex’s surprised dismay, but he was happy that June had a coworker to talk about nerdy books with. 
3. Whenever Henry was around, it gave Alex something to think about other than the future and homework and the past. Whenever Henry stepped into a room, Alex could divide his full attention to making Henry’s life harder. (Alex had started to feel a little bad about this after June’s recent birthday party, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He never did anything to genuinely hurt Henry– he just liked to annoy the guy). 
4. He had someone to text his random daily thoughts about whatever book they were reading in class. Like, how that character was so fucking stupid for doing that, or how the pacing is horrible and the author just needs to get to the point. 
5. Okay, this one was stupid, but Alex didn’t have to have a filter around Henry. Because he’d so outwardly despised Henry this whole time, he didn’t have to deal with fake smiles and pleasantries. Well. Henry was still trying to keep the whole nice guy facade up. But at this point, Alex knew just what to do to make that facade fall. 

There was… embarrassingly, a lot more that Alex liked about Henry’s presence (32 more reasons to be exact), but before Alex knew it he was standing just outside of Henry’s little dot on the map. It was a nice apartment complex, obviously recently built, right next to a park. Alex walked up to the lobby door, but it was locked. Duh, the office was closed for Thanksgiving. How the hell did Henry expect him to get in? Alex unenthusiastically texted him again. 

dude

let me in 

the office is closed

you gotta come down here

now 

Alex rolled his eyes as his phone lit up with a call from dickhead. “What?” He grimaced. 

“There’s a side door, with a keypad,” Henry seriously sounded like he was on his deathbed. 

“Uh,” Alex walked around to the side of the building and found the door. He pulled it. Locked. “It’s locked,” 

“Well, obviously,” Henry coughed. “Punch in twelve zero three,” 

Alex did as he was told and the door beeped. He opened it and looked down at his phone to see that Henry had already hung up. 

whats your unit number?????

dickhead: 3rd floor unit 34 elevator on you right 

on me right?

lmao 

english literature major my ass 

Alex shoved his phone back into his pocket and found the elevator he was told about. He stepped in, pushing the button for the third floor and fairly quickly getting up to it. He stepped out of the elevator and searched around for a door with 34 on it. These units must have been arranged by a lunatic, because it went from 31, to 38, to 305, and for some reason there was a 48? He walked the maze of halls before finally finding Henry’s apartment. He didn’t know whether he should knock, text, call, or just try to open the door. He remembered that Henry had a dog, so maybe knocking wasn’t the best option. So… a text? 

here 

dickhead: It’s unlocked 

Alex stared at the gray door. He always barged into his sister’s apartment– how was this any different? Well, Alex could think of a lot of reasons why this was different, but instead of standing there like an idiot he just opened the door. He was greeted by a beagle who didn’t even bark, rather gently jumped on Alex and licked his hands as he knelt down to pet the dog. He almost got completely sidetracked by the cute dog. 

“Um, Henry?” He called out. He assumed Henry was in the bedroom with the door ajar, but it felt strangely intimate to just go in there without asking for permission. 

Alex heard a groan and a mumble from said bedroom. He slowly walked over to the room, the beagle following his footsteps closely. 

“Can I.. come in?” Alex cringed at himself. Through the small opening of the door, he could see Henry on his bed facing away from the door. Before Henry could answer, the beagle pushed the door open and Alex felt like an intruder. Henry’s room was small, a queen-sized bed taking up most of it and a desk cluttered with papers in the corner next to it. His nightstand had both Nyquil and Dayquil, a prescription bottle that Alex couldn’t read from where he was standing, and a box of tissues. Henry slowly turned over, cocooned in a comforter and blankets. Alex stepped into the room just past the doorway and stood awkwardly. Henry’s eyes were heavy and his hair was messier than Alex had ever seen it. 

“You look … comfortable,” Alex deadpanned, spitting out a small laugh. He tried to save a mental photo of this in his mind, because how Henry looked actually generated some pity out of Alex. 

“It’s cold,” Henry mumbled. He was desperately clutching onto the blankets, wrapping himself tight. This made Alex remember why he was here in the first place. He pulled the bottle of tylenol out of his pocket and walked over to the side of Henry’s bed. 

“Take two,” Alex held out the bottle to Henry. 

“I’ll take them later,” Henry turned back over. Alex scoffed. Henry really had the audacity to make Alex come all the way over here with medicine and he wasn’t even going to take it. The dog hopped up on the bed and curled up next to Henry. Alex opened the bottle and shook out two of the pills on his hand and set the bottle down on the nightstand. Prescription bottle of pills said Sertraline. Alex put that information into the back of his brain to research later. 

“Okay, so, no,” Alex grabbed Henry’s shoulder and, with ease, practically rolled him over. He held his hand out to Henry. 

“Take them,” Alex said as Henry stared at the pills. “And take the blankets off, you’re just making your fever worse,” Alex was just parroting things that he used to be told when he was sick. Now, whenever Alex gets sick, he hides it from everybody and deals with it his own way. 

Henry sat up, shirtless, which made sense because he had a fever so of course he didn’t have a shirt on otherwise he would just sweat through it probably, let the blanket slide down around him, and took the pills from Alex’s hand. 

“Thank you.” He popped the pills in his mouth and swallowed them. He took the pills dry? Alex didn’t expect that. He expected Henry to be so pampered that he needed a whole gallon of water to take two little pills. The two made awkward eye contact for a moment before Alex started to look around the room. He looked out the window which faced the park. It was actually a nice view. Alex nearly felt jealous – his own apartment view was the wall of another apartment building. 

Alex’s eyes flickered back to Henry. He was laying back down, covering himself with blankets. 

“Stop!” Alex snatched the blankets off of Henry. He didn’t even stop to wonder if Henry was wearing pants– luckily, he had on fleece pajama pants. Henry tried to grab the blankets out of Alex’s hands, but he was far too weak at the moment for a fair fight. 

“Where’s your thermometer?” Alex dropped the blankets at the foot of Henry’s bed and started to search around the nightstand. 

“Um.” Henry watched Alex with wide eyes. Alex moved around random clutter and found the small digital thermometer. 

“Okay, open wide,” Alex held the thermometer in his hand. Henry’s face seemed to be brushed with a shade of pink, but that was probably due to the fever. Henry’s mouth stayed shut. Alex, against his better judgement, went ahead and grabbed Henry’s jaw to get his mouth to open slightly. He gently shoved the thermometer under Henry’s tongue and promptly pushed Henry’s chin up to close his mouth. Alex watched the numbers on the thermometer go up. After 15 seconds, it beeped and flashed red. It read a temperature of… 38.6? 

“Why the hell is this in celsius?” Alex pulled the thermometer out of Henry’s mouth. 

“Well. I’m not sure if you knew this, but I’m not actually from America,” Henry coughed roughly. 

“Okay, don’t be fucking annoying, I just brought you life-saving medicine,” Alex set the thermometer down on the nightstand and pulled out his phone to figure out the temperature conversion. 

“It’s about one hundred and one,” Henry looked at Alex. “Point five.” 

Alex put his phone down next to Henry’s on the nightstand and went into full caring-for-a-sick-friend mode. “You’re gonna get more brain damage than you already have,” Alex went over to the light switches and turned on Henry’s ceiling fan. He was going to walk out of the room to grab Henry a cup of water, but,

“Alex,” Henry’s voice was still raspy. Alex whipped his body around to look at him. “You gave me the medicine,” Henry coughed once again. Alex wondered if he had cough drops anywhere. “You can leave, if you’d like,” 

“What?” Alex hadn’t really considered the possibility of leaving. Henry just looked so … helpless. “Who else is gonna take care of you?” Alex said this without really realizing what he was saying before it came out of his mouth. Take care of him? What was he, Henry’s mother? “Um, I mean, you’re sick, and I’m not, and I’m already here, so, like. Yeah.” Alex stood in the doorway. Henry’s expression was a mixture of miserable, confused, and tired. 

Alex didn’t really want to hear what Henry had to say, so he turned around and walked towards Henry’s kitchen. The apartment was a lot smaller than Alex had imagined, not that he had spent too much time imagining Henry’s living space, but Alex figured it’d be easy to find something to put water in. He started opening random cabinets and found a mug. He opened the fridge which barely had any food in it, but had a water pitcher. He poured the water into the mug and brought it back into the room. Henry looked past Alex and was looking at something outside of the room. 

“Did you leave all of my kitchen cabinets opened?” 

“Huh?” Alex looked back and he had, in fact, left every single cabinet open. “I’ll close them when I leave,” He set the water down on the nightstand next to Henry. “That’s water,” 

“In a mug?” Henry raised an eyebrow and grabbed the water. 

“That’s all I could find,” Alex huffed. “You’re seriously complaining?” 

“I didn’t ask you to be here,” Henry’s tone was harsh but Alex couldn’t take it seriously because of just how deathly ill he sounded. Alex shrugged and pulled Henry’s blankets up. Henry looked at him, baffled. 

“What? You’re cold, right? Y’know, the whole.. fever thing… ” Alex asked, but he already knew the answer was yes. He could see the goosebumps on Henry’s arms. Henry grabbed the blankets from Alex’s hands and wrapped them around himself. 

“I’m not a child ,” Henry avoided eye contact. 

“Nobody said you were, asshole,” Alex scoffed. “I’m–” He was interrupted by the sound of his own phone ringing. He grabbed his phone off of the nightstand. It was June. Right. The whole Thanksgiving dinner thing. Alex groaned and sat down on the edge of the bed. Henry looked offended at this, but Alex didn’t move. He answered the call on speaker. 

“Alex, where the fuck are you?” June sounded like she’d strangle Alex through the phone. 

“I am…” Alex looked at Henry. “At Henry’s apartment.” It obviously wasn’t a lie, but Alex didn’t really believe the situation was real. 

“Seriously? You’re blowing off Thanksgiving dinner for what? Homework? A girl?”

“No, I– I really am with Henry!” Alex protested and held the phone up to Henry. Alex cued him to speak with a gesture, but he didn’t. Henry smiled spitefully. 

“Really?” June said with disbelief flowing through her voice. 

Alex groaned. He looked at Henry, giving him a second chance to prove Alex wasn’t lying, but Henry stifled a cough and stayed silent. Alex smiled, leaned over Henry, who tried backing away into the headboard, and grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled as hard as he could. 

Henry shrieked. “God fucking– What– Get off me!” Henry pushed Alex with the last bit of strength he had left and burst into a coughing fit. 

“So, like, we good?” Alex spoke into the phone. 

“What’d you just do to that poor man?” June replied.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it,” Alex grinned at Henry who was still coughing up a lung.

“Well, are you coming back? We made so much fucking food. Like. So much,” Nora said. 

“Uh,” Alex thought about it. He didn’t want to leave until Henry’s fever was down, and who knew how long that could take? But that turkey smelled so fucking delicious. “I dunno. Probably. Maybe. I’ll eat all the leftovers, so don’t be mad,” 

“I genuinely can’t believe you’re nursing a sick man, so, no, I’m not mad,” June chuckled. 

“I am not—“

“Okay, bye, love you!” June said quickly and hung up. 

Henry recovered from his coughing fit and looked at Alex with some sort of sadness in his eyes. “You really don’t have to stay,” Henry frowned. “I’m sure you’d rather go eat dinner with them,” 

“Well,” Alex chose his next words carefully. He didn’t necessarily care about Henry, but he cared about his well being at the moment, maybe as the result of some neanderthal instincts. June mentioned all of his family was in London— Not that Alex felt bad that Henry was spending the holiday alone, since it was a stupid holiday in the first place, but he felt some sort of need to be with Henry at the moment. Just to make sure the guy didn’t die. And… well, Alex liked to feel needed. But that was a very very very miniscule factor into this. “I don’t wanna be blamed for your untimely death, so I might as well try to prevent it, or whatever,” 

“You do know, with modern medicine and all, people don’t typically die from the common cold?”

Alex looked up at the ceiling fan and leaned back to lay horizontally at the foot of the bed. “What did your parents do when you were sick as a kid?” He stayed looking at the ceiling fan. Something about the spinning blades relaxed Alex a bit. Also, Henry’s bed was fucking comfortable. It probably cost a million dollars.  

“Hm.” Henry sat up and leaned forward, facing Alex. “What do you mean?”
Alex almost made a remark about how he couldn’t have been more direct, but he remembered Henry’s brain was probably all jumbled from the fever. 

“Like, when I was sick as a kid, my dad would make me sopa,” Alex sat up, his legs hanging off the edge of the bed. Henry’s expression spelled out the fact that he didn’t really know what sopa was. “It’s kinda like … tomato soup, I guess? With little noodles.” 

Henry nodded. He glanced up, as if trying to recall distant memories. “My mum used to make me tea,” He looked at Alex. “I’m very aware of how that sounds,” Henry said before Alex could make a comment about the Boston Tea Party and British people and crumpets and stuff. 

“Do you want tea?” Alex asked. Damn neanderthal instincts. 

“You’re.. offering to make tea for me?” Henry’s tone was filled with skepticism. 

“Well, technically, I only asked if you wanted tea.” Alex smirked. “Doesn’t mean I was gonna make it for you,” Alex stood up. 

“Ah, good, then. So you’re not conspiring to poison me?” 

“Nah. That’s a lame way to murder somebody,” Alex walked out of the room and to the kitchen.

 Alex hid when he was sick, or any other time he was vulnerable, but he wondered what he would want if he were in Henry’s position. Away from home on a holiday and stuck in bed with a cold. Alex would want his dad’s sopa de fideo, or his mom’s gentle hand on his forehead, or even June’s honey lemon tea. Alex looked through the already opened cabinets and grabbed a box of chamomile tea. The box was labelled stress relief, so it would probably help, right? Alex didn’t fucking know. He grabbed a kettle, filled it with water, and turned on the electric stove. It’d be so much easier to just microwave it, but Henry’s British. No way he’d be satisfied with microwaved tea. Not that Alex really cared, but he wasn’t in the mood to get Henry all worked up when he was so sick. He waited for the kettle to heat up, leaning back on the counter. He heard little pitter-patters and turned his head to see Henry’s dog walking to Alex. 

“Oh, hi, cutie,” Alex said in a baby voice, leaning down and scratching the dog behind the ears. “Hey, what’s his name?” Alex shouted at Henry. Henry said something back, but Alex had briefly forgotten about Henry’s sore throat. At this moment, Alex remembered his thought about the cough drops and practically ran to Henry’s doorway. 

“First question, what’s your dog’s name?” 

“David,” Henry said, like that was a normal dog name. 

“What the fuck? Um, okay, second question, do you have cough drops?” 

“Lozenges? No,” 

Alex felt the need to mock Henry’s stupid accent but held himself back. He reminded himself that he could resume all of that after Henry’s fever was gone. “Circling back to my first question, David? What is he, a middle aged man?” He looked down at David and the dog jumped up onto the bed next to Henry. 

Henry laughed breathily and scratched David’s head. “He’s named after Bowie,” 

Alex’s face twisted into confusion along with his brain. He was leaning on the doorframe pretty much just staring at the dog because Alex never would have guessed that Henry would name his dog after David Bowie. Henry Fox and Queer Musical Genius Icon were not two connected ideas in Alex’s brain. “You could’ve named him Bowie,” Alex racked his brain, “Or, like, Ziggy, or … Goblin King?” 

Henry tilted his head. “You think that Goblin King is a better name for my dog than David?” 

“Yeah, uh, I dunno,” Alex turned around and walked back to Henry’s kitchen and, as if on cue, the kettle began to whistle. He went through the motions of making a cup of tea, all while wondering if he had Henry all wrong. Surely, not all wrong, as Alex considered himself a master of reading people (Nora and June vehemently disagree), but the dog name thing was not something Alex could have predicted. Was Henry … actually an interesting person? Not possible. Nope. Alex shook off the thought and returned to Henry with the chamomile tea, to which Henry gave him a surprised look even though the screeching kettle definitely should’ve tipped him off. 

“I just chose the first box of tea I saw, so,” That was a lie. But. Whatever. Henry doesn’t have to know that he meticulously looked at all of the tea that Henry owned to make sure he chose the ‘right’ one. Alex set it down on Henry’s nightstand. Henry looked at Alex, then back at the cup of tea, and back at Alex. 

“Thank you,” Henry gave a tight-lipped smile and stirred the tea with the tiny spoon Alex put in the cup. Alex sat down on the edge of the bed and looked down at the floor. He was probably overstaying his welcome, not that he cared if Henry welcomed him or not, but he felt a strange twinge in his stomach that told him to stay sitting right next to Henry for the rest of the night. Well. He definitely couldn’t do that. So instead, Alex got up nearly as soon as he sat down and looked at Henry. Henry had the tea in his hand.

 “Wait, wait, wait,” Alex grabbed the tea from Henry’s hands gently and set it back down on the nightstand. He grabbed the thermometer and prompted Henry to open his mouth. 

“You don’t have to–” 

“If you’re fever-free, I’ll leave you alone and go home,” Alex grinned.

“Alright then,” Henry opened his mouth slightly and let Alex take his temperature. Alex briefly questioned himself about why he didn’t just hand the thermometer to Henry but the numbers on the thermometer distracted him from that thought. It beeped and Alex pulled it out of Henry’s mouth to check it.

“Uh,” Alex had forgotten it was set to celsius. 

“I am, fortunately, fever-free.” Henry grabbed the tea and sipped it. “Mm, I forgot you work in a cafe,” 

“Yep.” Alex nodded awkwardly. 

“Thank you, again,” Henry looked up into Alex’s eyes. Alex had always noticed how blue they were, but it wasn’t even that off-putting white people blue, it was a dark blue that seemed gray in dark lighting. 

“Yeah, sure,” Alex averted his gaze. “I’m gonna go now,” 

“Finally,” A slight smile spread across Henry’s face. 

Alex gave awkward finger guns to Henry and swiveled to walk out of the bedroom. “Bye,” He waved behind him. 

“Bye, Alex,” 

Alex tried not to think about the whole situation because he really could not wrap his head around why he even decided to go over to Henry’s in the first place, and any time he tried to make a list of the reasons why, he came up short. Henry must’ve placed some weird British spell on him, like that thing cats give to their owners to make them love cats or whatever (Alex later googled this: toxoplasmosis). He concluded that Henry was a parasite sent to make Alex’s life harder. Yeah. That sounded right. 

Chapter Text

Finals season was the perfect storm for Alex’s annual burnout, which he would deny was a thing, and this December was no different. In addition to the mounting assignments and exams, Henry had gotten him sick, so Alex completed half of his finals in a fevered haze. Despite the less-than-ideal conditions, burnt-out-ACD had gotten all A’s, once again, and was sitting on his sister’s couch the weekend after finals. Nora was packing up for her eight days and nights in Vermont, stressing herself out over planning out the perfect time to leave for the airport and the exact amount of shampoo she had to pack. June was already playing cheesy old Christmas music and sipping on her rum eggnog, three weeks before the actual holiday. Speaking of, Alex had actually managed to arrange a family dinner and convince his mom to take the day off. It took an hour-long phone call with her, and a fifteen-minute call with his dad, but he managed to do it. It usually took a yearly joint effort by June and Alex, but this year, June simply said that if Alex really wanted something, he would get it. That ‘something’ was a pleasant, uneventful, family dinner, and he did indeed get it. He sorta hated how she was never wrong. 

His phone buzzed beside him and he glanced. It was Henry, which wasn’t actually abnormal. In the past week or so since Alex regrettably cured Henry, they had been texting back and forth, initiated by Alex blaming Henry for the 89.9 he got in British Literature. Their prof rounded it up, but Alex insisted that the devil was in the details. He wouldn’t ever admit this, but he actually didn’t have many friends. Most of the time, he was too nose-deep in homework to lift his head and interact with people. He definitely had the ability to make friends– He had something he called the ACD charm– but the opportunity never came up. So, when classes ended, and when he was bored, he would text Henry. Not that they were really friends, nor really enemies anymore, but Alex didn’t like to sit alone with his brain often. So, texting Henry was an easy solution. June told Alex that he had left for London practically the minute classes ended, so their time difference was 6 hours, but somehow Henry always responded within 10 minutes. Something about both of their fucked-up sleep schedules. Alex figured his circadian rhythm would never recover from his bi-weekly all nighters. 

“Who’s that? Everyone you know is right here,” June commented. 

“Probably Henry, his new best-friend,” Nora said this pointedly, as if Alex had replaced her with Henry. 

“We’re barely even friends,” Alex shook his head. June gently grabbed Alex’s phone from his hands and, before he could protest, she unlocked it and looked at Henry’s text. 

She side-eyed Alex. “Barely even friends? Why is he sending you bed selfies?” She showed the phone to Nora. 

“Saucy,” She remarked. 

“Not saucy,” Alex snatched the phone out of his sister’s hand. “It’s just a thing we do. It’s easier to send a selfie than type up what we’re doing, y’know?” He said with a sheepish tone. There was nothing to be embarrassed about, but it was something private between him and Henry that he felt nobody had the right to judge. It wasn’t even that weird. Alex started it out of convenience when he had cheeto fingers in response to a ‘How are you?’ text, and it just became their thing. Late night selfies. It wasn’t anything of note. 

June looked at Alex, unconvinced, and took a sip of her spiked eggnog. “Okay,” Zero belief in her voice. “Oh, I forgot to mention, I’m going with Nora to Vermont,” She said casually, smiling at Nora. 

Alex blinked. “You’ll be back for Christmas, though, right?” His eyes darted between the two women. Alex desperately needed June to be there at the dinner. He tried not to let his tone give that fact away. 

“Yeah, duh,” Nora answered for her. “Do you know how rare it is for Hanukkah and Christmas to overlap?” 

“No, not really,” Alex shook his head. “You’ll be back before Christmas Eve, too, right? Dad will wanna drink with us all night,” 

June rolled her eyes. “Yes, Alex. I’m not abandoning you on Christmas,” She ruffled his hair lightly and he swatted her hand away. 

“I wasn’t worried about that,” He huffed. The pair looked at him in a way that nearly convinced him to recant his statement. “Whatever, guys, I’m going home,” He stood up, dramatically walking towards the door. 

“See you tomorrow?” Nora yelled after him. 

“Sure,” He yelled back and exited the apartment. He looked at his phone to look at the picture Henry had sent him. His hair was messy, blond strands astray, donning translucent eye masks under his eyes. He seemed to be wearing a blue-gray silk pajama top with the first few buttons unbuttoned and laying in bed next to his sister, Bea, who looked like she hadn’t washed off her eyeliner in days. It didn’t even look bad, Alex thought, it just looked grungy. God damn Henry’s family and their porcelain doll faces. He opened his camera and took a picture of himself in front of June’s door. He sent it to Henry along with what’s with the eye masks? self-care day?

Henry responded quickly as Alex walked back home. 

dickhead: Something like that. You should try it sometime. 

excuse you 

my eyebags are part of my charm

dickhead: Don’t you have to be charming to have charm? 

say hi to bea for me 

yes? 

dickhead: She says hello :-)

get that weird smiley face off my screen

why can’t you be normal

dickhead: Ha. 

dickhead: Goodnight Alex. 

you’re telling me you’re going to sleep at 11pm

i don’t buy it

dickhead: Unfortunately for you, I have family activities planned early in the morning tomorrow. 

you make it sound like a business meeting

Alex could only assume that Henry went to sleep after that, because he didn’t get a text back. He wondered why Henry phrased spending time with his family like a business meeting. In Alex’s mind, Henry’s family was a typical close-knit whatever-the-British-equivalent-of-suburban-is white-bread family. When Alex got home, he opened his laptop and went down a Wikipedia rabbithole, starting at Arthur Fox. Arthur Fox, married to Catherine Fox (née Mountchristen), survived by three children, Henry George Edward James Fox-Mountchristen, Beatrice Matilde Rose Fox-Mountchristen, and Phillip Arthur Alexander Fox-Mountchristen. Alex thought, were their parents trying to win a medal for most middle names given to three children? Another thought that popped up was, why did Henry drop the Mountchristen from his full name? Alex needed to make a list of questions to ask Henry. 

He clicked on the Wikipedia link for Catherine (Both parents having Wikipedia links was enough for Alex to want to yell at Henry for stealing a bookstore job from somebody who actually needed it), which said she was Arthur Fox’s wife and heir to Mountchristen Enterprises. Alex rolled his eyes at the name of that company. He clicked on that link, which led him to discovering that Henry’s money came from his grandparents founding this company that owned a share of most of the major book publishers in the UK and United States. No wonder Henry was majoring in English Literature. He was a nepo-baby who dropped Mountchristen from his name to avoid being called one, and was going to publish a billion boring books funded by his family. Alex scoffed at his laptop screen and closed it. Somehow, Alex had gotten the idea in his head that Henry had some depth to him. But, no, Henry was no deeper than the 3 foot end of a swimming pool. Alex realized he was being a bit hypocritical– after all, he was guaranteed a job with his mom’s firm– but that was different. He didn’t need her name nor her money to succeed in life. Alex had actually worked hard to get where he was, and it seemed Henry was just another boring British poet. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Christmas Eve had snuck up on Alex, and he found himself sitting in his childhood home with his parents, his mom’s husband Leo, and June. They were sitting at the dining room table, various drinks in hand (His mom and Leo with white wine, June with her eggnog, Alex and his dad with Coronas), having just finished a heated game of Monopoly. Alex won, of course, and was a very, very sore winner. Salud to him. 

“Are you sure you counted the money right, Mom?” June had desperation in her voice, because Alex seemed to win almost every single time they played. 

“He won, fair and square,” She said with lighthearted disappointment in her voice. Alex blew a raspberry at June, who replied with a petty smile and a middle finger. 

They had ordered Little Caesar’s for dinner, which used to be the cheapest pizza around, but now they just ordered it for the sake of tradition. Alex hastily put the Monopoly game back into the box before grabbing the box of pepperoni pizza from off of the counter and demolishing the pizza with his mouth. He sat back down at the table with the box, setting it down in front of him. 

“I don’t know how you eat that much without feeling sick,” June leaned over from her chair to grab a slice to eat. 

“It’s really good,” Alex said with a complete mouthful of food, making what he said incomprehensible. 

The five fell into comfortable chatter for a few minutes. 

Their mom turned her head towards June after swallowing her last bit of cheese pizza. “June, have you thought about my offer?” 

Everybody turned their heads towards June. 

“What offer?” Their dad said with a tone that had less curiosity in it and more animosity. 

“Well, she’s working a minimum-wage job at a bookstore, but we both know she could be doing so much more,” 

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here,” June said curtly. 

“Sorry, sugar,” Their mom gave a half-sincere apology. “I offered her a job in the courtroom. She’d be my little notetaker,” She smiled genuinely at June. 

“She doesn’t want to do that,” Their dad countered. June rolled her eyes, because they were still talking about her as if she wasn’t in the room. Alex felt compelled to say something, but this was one of those rare times he bit his tongue. 

“I think it could be good–” Leo started. 

“Don’t start,” Their dad interjected. “She wants to be a journalist! Not mamá’s puppydog,” He shot a glare at their mom. 

“Stop, just stop,” June said, but Alex doubted that anyone but him heard him. 

“She wouldn’t be that! She could be doing so much more if she worked at the firm with me,” Their mom’s voice was rising in volume. 

“The bookstore is temporary,” June said, clearly not wanting this to go on. 

“I know, but journalism is… a hard industry to break into,” 

“She can do it, you know,” Their dad’s frustration was starting to grow more apparent through his tone. 

“I’m not saying she can’t!” Their mom was yelling now. Alex glanced at June whose eyes were pinned to their parents. 

“Nothing’s ever enough for you, Ellen, is it?” Their dad rolled his eyes. “She can be successful without being a lawyer! And she will be,” 

“Nobody’s saying she won’t be, Oscar!” The way she formed their dad’s name was laced with venom. “But Alex has a guaranteed job after he graduates, but June’s been out of college for how long now? And she hasn’t landed any decent gigs,” 

Alex flinched at the mention of his name. He didn’t quite understand June’s apprehension against working for their mom temporarily, as she would be making a lot more money for the same amount of hours. But he understood the pain of the comparison. 

“I think–” Leo started again, but it seemed like their parents were two unstoppable forces at this point. June quietly left the room and Alex watched her walk down the hallway to her old bedroom. 

“Is everything about money to you? She’s happy! Look what law did to you,” 

“Oh, really? We’re going there? I’m a working mother, so that must mean I’m a mess,” She shook her head. “No, fuck you, Oscar, because all I want is for our children to have a better life than we did,” She stood up. 

“You are putting words in my mouth!” 

Alex stood up abruptly. “Oh my god, are you kidding me?” He was speaking before he could think about what he was saying, “You two can’t pretend to like each other for one night, for one fucking Christmas,” He shook his head. “Get your shit together,” He left the room with heavy footsteps down the hallway to his childhood bedroom. He flipped the lightswitch and looked around at the dusty relics of a teenage jock, trying to keep it all together while struggling to keep his head above water. 

He sat down on the twin-size bed, kicking off his shoes and laying back. He stared at the ceiling, alone with his thoughts as the arguing seemed to have abruptly stopped and the house was silent. He picked up his phone, for some reason hoping for a text from Henry. He hadn’t texted Henry in weeks since he learned about the whole Mountchristen Enterprises thing. Alex didn’t exactly want Henry to know he was stalking his family’s Wikipedia pages, so it was just easier if he kept Henry out of sight, out of mind. Alex didn’t really get why he was even disappointed. He already knew Henry was a rich, privileged white guy. But he just seemed like some sort of puppet for his family. Majoring in English so he can follow in his (retired) author mother’s footsteps and rake in millions with his grandparents’ help. Alex just couldn’t respect it. He thought about calling Nora, who was probably peacefully sleeping at home. He couldn’t call Henry due to his one-sided grudge. So Alex sat in his old bed, staring at the ceiling. 

His thoughts spiraled rapidly. Was being a public defender really Alex’s dream? Or was he just doing it because his parents were lawyers, much like nepo-baby Henry? Should he have stood up for June before she left the room? He shouldn’t have expected his parents to be civil, because when they were in one room together for too long, it was a category five hurricane waiting to happen. When was June going to land a journalist job? Was she going to be stuck at that bookstore forever? He remembered that he had left his clothes in the washer at his apartment. He’d have to rewash them. If he forgot something that simple, how was he supposed to be an organized lawyer who paid attention to every detail of every case? Had Henry actually mentioned the Mountchristen thing and Alex just forgot? He had a tendency to forget the little things, which made him feel like a shitty friend and a shittier brother. His thoughts continued like this for the rest of the night, the beer not outweighing the caffeine of the day, and he didn’t fall asleep until early morning.

By the time he woke up, the house seemed to be cleared out. He walked out to the living room to see June sitting on the couch, alone. 

“Uh,” Alex stood awkwardly. 

“Are you okay?” June asked, probably noticing his eyebags and the air of malaise he brought into the room. 

“Um, yeah,” He looked around, “They left?” 

“Mom left those presents,” She pointed to some red-wrapped gifts on the floor in front of her, “She had a client to deal with. And dad’s flight left an hour ago.” 

“They didn’t wake me up?” He frowned. 

June shrugged. “Wanna open these gifts and bounce?” 

Alex nodded. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

“Okay, I got paper plates, New Year’s hats, New Year's glasses, enough liquor to put a family of five into a coma, apple juice, decorations, what else do I need?” June looked intensely at the notes app checklist on her phone. Nora and Alex sat on June’s bed as she spun slowly in her desk chair. 

“You don’t need half of that,” Alex leaned his head on Nora’s shoulder. 

“We gotta buy one of those big boxes of snack-size chips,” Nora stated and June typed to add it to the list. 

“You guys, just buy the liquor. Everybody will be too fucked up to think about apple juice or chips,” He stated. June and Nora were trying to throw the NYE party of the century, making sure nobody got too drunk, that everybody and their mother attended, and that they went down as the best party-throwers in all of Texas. Alex was always down for a good party, but he didn’t understand why it needed so much planning. Just get everybody fucked up and then kick them out if they start ruining it for everybody. He thought that was pretty simple. 

“You don’t get it,” June shook her head. She groaned and leaned her head back. “I need these people to say it was the best New Year’s Eve party they have ever been to,” 

Alex shrugged. “In this apartment? Good luck with that,” 

Nora elbowed him. A short silence followed. June’s eyes flickered to Alex. 

“Have you talked to Henry lately? He still in London?” She asked. 

Alex laughed uncomfortably. “You should text him and ask,” The two looked at him like this was an insane thing to suggest. “What? I told you we aren’t friends,” 

“What happened? Did you scare your only college friend away?” June teased. 

“No,” Alex rolled his eyes at the thought of Henry. 

Nora pulled out her phone. “We should make a group chat with us, Pez, and Henry. Pez knows tons of people, he’ll invite a whole caravan,” It was less of a suggestion and more of a description of what she was doing. 

“Good idea,” June said as both hers and Alex’s phones buzzed. 

chaos demon: so june and i are throwing a nye party and we were wondering if u guys could invite every single soul you know 👉👈

Pez (like the candy): Anything for you xx 

Pez (like the candy): When does it start? 

chaos demon: 10! 

dickhead: I assume June has already invited our friends from 2nd street? 

Bug: Indeed 

Bug: Wait so ur in town? 

dickhead: Yes. I landed yesterday. 

Bug: Damn do u think ur still gonna be jetlagged tmrw night 

dickhead: Haha. No, I’m sure I’ll be fine. 

Pez (like the candy):  And if he’s not I’ll funnel so much liquor down his throat he’ll forget the meaning of the word ;)

chaos demon: ok yayyy thank u so much pez

Alex stared blankly at the texts. “Why do you always have to invite him?” 

“Who, Pez?” June said, intentionally ignoring the obvious.

“Henry, obviously.” Alex groaned. 

“Not everything revolves around you, Alex. He’s my friend, even if he isn’t yours,” June crossed her legs. 

Nora tsked. “He’s so nice. I will never understand your problem with him,” 

“Did you know he's the heir to Mountchristen Enterprises? As in, the billion-dollar company that practically owns the book publishing industry?” 

“Yeah, I did,” June looked up at Alex. “Is that your issue with him?” 

Alex stammered. “My issue is with privileged people cruising through life and stealing opportunities from people who aren’t nepo-babies!” 

“It’s not like that with Henry,” June said matter-of-factly. 

“Yeah, right,” Alex huffed. 

“Did you talk to him about it?” Nora genuinely asked. 

Alex’s pause before answering already gave his answer away. “No, but-” 

“No, no, no, you don’t get to make assumptions if you haven’t even asked the guy about it,” She wagged her finger in Alex’s face and landed it on his lips to shush him. Alex turned his head away. 

“You are such a hypocrite,” June shot daggers at Alex. 

It was two against one, and Alex didn’t have the mental energy to argue when they both had valid points. So instead, he got up. “I’m going home,” Alex said quietly and walked out of June’s room.

He closed the door behind him and walked out of their apartment, trying to escape the urge to turn back and argue. He sighed, walking down the stairs and back to his apartment. He still hadn’t rewashed his clothes and he didn’t want to imagine the scent of mildew that would come out when he opened the lid of his washer. He’d been putting it off, but he figured he would probably want a decent outfit for the party. Maybe he’d make out with a random girl at midnight. Maybe even bring her back to his place. The perfect mix of tequila and beer would make that possible for Alex.

 He shoved his hands into his hoodie pockets, the brisk air of late December stealing the warmth from his fingertips. He pondered if Henry had a girl in mind to kiss at midnight. He also thought about apologizing, but what did he have to apologize for? He literally did nothing. He hadn’t texted or acknowledged Henry in weeks. Henry didn’t text him, either, so why did Alex feel guilty? He was lost in thought when he approached his apartment door and he almost didn’t notice, but. 

Henry was standing next to Alex’s door, leaning against the wall, and met Alex’s eyes with the gaze of a frightened puppy. 

“Um, hey?” Alex mustered. He wasn’t fully convinced that this was real life. 

Henry blinked and straightened his posture. He stiffened up as Alex walked to unlock the door. “I’m sorry to show up unannounced,” Henry looked at Alex like he was expecting a worst case scenario. 

“Dude, it’s fine,” Alex opened the door for Henry, gesturing for him to come in. “You missed me that much?” Alex smirked and closed the door behind them. 

Henry stood awkwardly in front of Alex. “Ah, yes. I missed your lovely presence in my life,” He said through gritted teeth, but Alex could tell he wasn’t being scornfully sarcastic. Rather, there was a playfulness in his eyes that Alex noticed with ease. 

“You can sit,” Alex gestured towards his couch. He turned towards his laundry closet and opened his washer to pour detergent in and run the cycle. 

Instead of sitting, Henry leaned against Alex’s kitchen counter, facing him. Alex started the washer and turned around to look at Henry. “So, why are you here?” Alex’s usual bluntness didn’t seem to alarm Henry at all.

“Hm,” Henry’s jaw tensed up. “You didn’t text me a happy christmas ,” He gave a small smirk. “That proper offended me,” 

Alex rolled his eyes and walked to the fridge, grabbing a Dr. Pepper can. “Because you’re entitled to a merry christmas text?” He shook his head, opening the can and taking a sip. “We’re not even friends.”

Something like sadness or uncertainty flashed in Henry’s face but he quickly plastered a blank smile on his face. “Right,” Henry’s jaw was so tense that Alex could almost hear his teeth cracking. It was a little unnerving. 

“Why did you really come here?” Alex tilted his head. “You’re, like, a bundle of anxiety and awkward sarcasm right now,” 

Henry cleared his throat awkwardly. “I suppose,” He looked away from Alex. He continued, “You don’t remember last night,” There was no accusation in Henry's voice.  Alex did (sorta) remember, but he wasn’t expecting Henry to show up at his door. 

Last night, Alex was drinking for all the wrong reasons. He wanted to numb his brain, to feel good, and to forget about Christmas and all of the thoughts that raced through his mind. He wanted to go out to bars and flirt with girls. So, he finished his bottle of tequila and sat on his couch watching some braindead reality TV show. At some point, he must’ve called Henry, because Alex remembered Henry’s voice, but he couldn’t remember much more than that. It was generally a blur, which made Alex uneasy as he wasn’t the type to get blackout drunk. 

“Not really,” Alex tried to hide his embarrassment. He had no idea what he said to Henry last night, but it couldn’t have been anything good. “I was super drunk and I called you and what? Said something I shouldn’t have?” Alex wanted to swallow his words, because he didn’t really want to hear Henry’s answer. 

Henry’s eyebrows furrowed, almost as if he didn’t believe Alex. “No,” He watched as Alex took another sip of soda. “Not exactly,” It seemed like he was holding back laughter. 

“What is it?!” Alex begged.

“You were actually quite … kind,” Henry seemed amused at the memory. “You also said some things in Spanish I couldn’t quite understand, but,” He looked down at the floor. “You had asked me if I wanted to come over and watch Love is Blind with you. I said no, of course, that I would rather be waterboarded—“ 

“Hey, Love is Blind is a great show to watch when you’re drunk,” Alex interrupted. Henry blinked. 

“Right, well,” Henry let out a small laugh. “You started blubbering about Wikipedia articles and Christmas and all sorts of things, so I stopped you and said you could tell me all about it in the morning,” He made eye contact with Alex, which sent a weird shiver down his spine. He felt pinpricks in his cheeks. “I would have let you embarrass yourself further, but I couldn’t understand a word of what you were saying,” He shrugged. 

Alex groaned. “Yeah, uh, I kinda do that sometimes,” Henry looked at him curiously. 

“If you haven’t noticed, I just say what comes to mind, no filter,” Alex hated that he was explaining this to Henry of all people right now. “When I drink, it kinda removes the barrier between my thoughts and my mouth,” 

“Ah, so your thoughts are just a blubbering mess of nonsense?” Henry meant this to be a dig, but Alex couldn’t disagree. 

“Pretty much,” Alex deadpanned. Henry stared at him expectantly. “I don’t think you actually want to know what I was trying to say to you, because it’ll still sound like nonsense,” 

“I don’t mind,” Henry shrugged. “It’s what I came here for, isn’t it?”

Alex felt a tug in his chest he couldn’t put a name to. “I still don’t get that, but, whatever,” He sighed. “I think I was trying to tell you about how I was stalking your family’s wikipedia pages and I found out that you’re a total nepo-baby and I was pissed off about it, and my Christmas sucked and, honestly,” He paused. “I probably just called you to distract myself from whatever weird thought spiral I was going down,” 

Henry was silent for a moment before speaking. “I know we’re not very close, but,” He averted his gaze once again. “If you’d ever like to talk about anything, absolutely hammered or not, I’ll be here to listen,” Henry looked at Alex, as if expecting a punch in the face. 

“Yeah, I kinda figured that,” Alex replied. “You could’ve just hung up right away, y’know? It wouldn’t have made a difference,” He set his soda can down on the counter next to Henry, their arms brushing against each other. Henry nodded. 

“Are you alright, Alex?” Their eyes met and it made Alex’s stomach nervously flip. 

“Pshh, yeah, I got it all out of my system,” Not a lie, not the truth. A line that Alex often crossed when he’d rather not be vulnerable. Which was always. But, he had been telling the truth the rest of the time, for whatever reason. He could have just lied. It’s just Henry. 

But, Henry looked at him unconvinced, and Alex thought that maybe Henry was becoming another person he couldn’t lie to. 

“Okay,” Henry said.

Alex thought for a moment. “You should go home, doesn’t your dog need, like, hourly walks?” 

Henry blinked. “Have you never taken care of a dog before?” 

Alex just wanted an excuse for Henry to leave. “Go home. I need to jack off .. or something,” He wasn’t really satisfied with the excuse he came up with, but it worked. 

“Right, then.” Henry gave a tight-lipped smile and a stiff wave, quickly inviting himself out. “You have fun with that. I’ll see you tomorrow,” He said, halfway out the door. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

“So, you’re friends again?” June was pushing in the thumbtack for her HAPPY NEW YEAR banner on the wall, with Nora holding the other side up, standing on chairs.  

“Something like that,” Alex crossed his arms, watching the two struggle with the banner. 

“I still can’t believe you drunk dialed him,” Nora snorted and her hand slipped, causing the banner to slip under her hand. June groaned. 

“Now it’s gonna be crooked,” June stepped down from the chair and handed Nora a thumbtack. 

“I wonder what I said to him in Spanish,” Alex thought aloud. 

“Probably something like, Ay, papacito, te quiero, ven a mi casa por favor, ” June spoke in a mocking tone, looking back at Alex who didn’t find it amusing. 

He shook his head softly. “Can’t be any worse than the stuff I said in English,” 

“You sure he’s still showing up? He hasn’t answered any of my texts,” Nora said after hopping off of the chair. 

Alex checked the time, 9:54, and shrugged, but in reality, he and Henry had been texting back and forth all day, even about what Henry was to wear to the party. Based on the outfit options, gun to his head, Alex would pull the trigger. How does one make party attire look so boring and bland? Nora and June blurred into some conversation about Pez and the party and alcohol as Alex zoned out. Why would he drunk dial Henry, specifically? That, he had been trying to figure out the answer to into the late hours of last night. He should have just called Nora and he could keep hating Henry from a distance. He didn’t really hate Henry anymore, at all, actually, even though he was a pretentious nepo-baby. Alex decided he would pick Henry’s brain tonight– Alex was a naturally curious (nosy*) person, and something about Henry’s anxious yet composed demeanor piqued his interest. That was the reason he was searching Wikipedia in the first place, really. Maybe Alex could just have a normal conversation with him. But something told Alex that he wasn’t going to be able to peel back Henry’s layers easily. Sure, Alex knew what made Henry tick and what jokes he thought were funny, but that wasn’t nearly sufficient. Alex distantly thought that he should really just be normal about Henry. 

Alex whipped his head around, seeing June opening the door to Pez and Henry, standing side by side. Pez looked like his usual cheerful self, smile never leaving his face and an arm around Henry. Henry smiled politely at June while fidgeting with a ring on his pinky. Alex had noticed the ring before, and Henry’s fidgeting, but he hadn’t yet asked where it was from or what it meant. Despite that, he saw it as some sort of anchor for Henry. Alex had his own anchor– A key on a chain around his neck. He kept it under his shirt at all times. It was the key to his childhood home. He thought, even if he moved out of Austin, the comfort of being able to return and lay in his old bed would cure any homesickness. It cured his current homesickness as well. 

His eyes met Henry’s as the pair walked into the apartment. Alex suddenly felt underdressed, in his button-up and jeans, since Henry was wearing a tie. Maybe it was Henry who was overdressed. It almost made Alex laugh.  June, Nora, and Pez started to chat and it seemed like Henry went straight to Alex. 

“Hello, Alex,” He adjusted his posture with a small movement. 

“Are you getting drunk tonight? Please say yes,” Alex looked at Henry with near puppy-dog-eyes and Henry simply laughed. 

“Are you?” Henry replied. 

“No,” He looked around the room. “I figured I should give my liver more than one day to recover,” 

“Good,” Henry glanced at the door when a few more people started to trickle in. “I was worried I would be surrounded by a swarm of drunks tonight,” 

“You’re not drinking? C’mon, you need to embarrass yourself in front of me, it’s only fair,” Alex winked. Henry laughed awkwardly. 

“I’m sure I’ll find a way,” He said, meeting Alex’s gaze. Alex wasn’t sure what to make of that. He grabbed Henry’s arm and dragged him to the couch, trying to snatch a seat before some horny college kids tried making out on June’s couch. The other hesitantly let Alex drag him, stumbling since their footsteps didn’t match up. Alex plopped down on the couch, letting go of Henry, who promptly sat himself down next to him. Behind them, Nora turned up the bluetooth speaker, which had been playing 2000s club hits and the occasional Charli XCX song. It was currently playing a Britney Spears song that Alex quickly tuned out. 

“How was London?” Alex spoke, above the music. 

“I’d missed Bea,” Henry looked away from Alex, as if in wistful thought. 

“What about the rest of them?” 

Henry sighed. “Ah, you know. Family,” He gave a smile that said, please don’t ask any more questions. Alex nodded. 

“Yeah, I know,” He rolled his eyes, emphasizing his reply. “Did you move here to get away from them?” Alex blurted, not fully realizing any implications he was making. 

Henry tilted his head. “They’re not entirely awful,” He seemed like he was trying to convince himself more than Alex. 

Alex tried to hide his curiosity, but he was the type who wore his emotions on his face. “Oh? But they are a little bit awful,” He suggested. 

Henry nodded and a quiet laugh escaped his lips. “They are … complicated,” Henry spoke slowly and began messing with the ring again– Alex’s eyes darted to it. He blinked before fixing his face and looking back at Henry. 

He nodded, which he calculated was an appropriate response. “Yeah?” Alex said inquisitively. Henry coughed. His eyes seemed locked in on Alex’s face now. It made Alex’s palms sweat, because why did Henry think he was in a place to judge him right now? Alex thought, they are both way too sober right now. 

“Yes,” Henry shifted uncomfortably. He opened his mouth to talk, but Alex interrupted the thought. 

“Wanna take shots?” 

“I am not getting blackout drunk,” Henry said. 

Alex shook his head. “No, me neither, I just can’t listen to any more Britney while 100% sober,” 

Henry’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion but Alex got up anyway and grabbed Henry’s arm to drag him again. Alex was surprised at the lack of resistance from him; He could drag Henry straight into a wall if he wanted to. But, he did seem to tense up every time Alex touched him. Maybe he just wasn’t a touchy person. Alex shoved the thought out of his brain as they approached the kitchen counter. More people were piling in, and June’s apartment was definitely not big enough for how many people Nora and she insisted on inviting. On the counter there were shot-sized red solo cups, nearly full bottles of tequila, rum, and vodka, and assorted flavored drinks and juices to act as chasers. Alex poured them both shots of Malibu, he briefly thought about what Henry would be like while white-girl-drunk, and handed one to the other. They ‘clinked’ the plastic cups. 

“Salud,” Alex said and downed the shot, keeping an eye on Henry while he did. He quickly grabbed a bottle of apple juice to share, handing it to Henry first. Henry drank half of the juice, downing it just as fast as the shot, and handed it back to Alex. Alex took a sip, he didn’t really need a chaser for Malibu, and set it down on the counter. Henry looked at him, wide-eyed. 

“What?” Alex tilted his head. 

“Hm?” Henry blinked and reset his face. 

“Your face,” Alex didn’t understand Henry’s quick reflex to constrain any emotion he was feeling. Alex certainly didn’t carry that ability. 

“Yes?” Henry asked, genuinely.

“Nevermind,” Alex looked back towards the couch, already being taken over by some horny couple. “Damn,” He bit his lip, scanning the room for a place to sit, and a lightbulb popped up above his head. He looked back at Henry. “Follow me,” 

Henry shrugged, as if to say he didn’t have a choice. Alex walked through the small crowd and arrived at the sliding glass door of June’s balcony. The blinds were closed, serving as a metaphorical glowing ‘do not enter’ sign, so Alex looked around and opened the door quickly, gesturing for Henry to push past the plastic blinds. Alex closed the door behind Henry, and they were on June’s small concrete balcony with access to three chairs. 

“Aren’t I a lifesaver?” Alex grinned, sitting down in one of the chairs. 

“Quite,” Henry, instead of sitting, went to lean against the railing, leaning his elbows on it and facing the bleak scenery. Neither of their outfits were fit for the cold air of the December night, but the warm air radiating from inside seemed to compensate. Henry stared up at the cloudy night sky, as if searching for stars where there were none. 

“Alex,” Henry said so softly yet so abruptly it nearly made him jump. “Do you ever wish…” He bit his lip, searching for the words. “Do you ever wish that you moved to New York with June instead of staying in Austin?” He turned his head towards Alex. Alex’s mouth fell agape. 

June must’ve told him, but Alex had never shared that with anybody outside her and Nora. June wasn’t a huge idealist, but she always wanted to get out of Texas. Alex knew this, and never asked her to stay, but she did. When Alex was choosing what university to go to, he felt like it was no question to choose UT. But. June had asked him if he wanted to go stay with her in New York and go to NYU. It ended in a hefty argument, June accusing Alex of only staying in Austin for their mom and not for himself. She said that he was always such a big dreamer, so why was he holding himself back? Alex deflected, deflected, deflected, until they both eventually dropped the subject. He still wonders who was really right in that argument. 

“No, not really,” Alex said point-blank. Henry raised an eyebrow.
“Really?” Henry asked, his voice quieter. 

“Well,” Alex paused to think, “Sometimes I think about how my life would be different, sure, but I don’t think I want it to be different,” He made eye contact with Henry. “I think I’m happy where I am.” 

Henry gave a nod. “You asked me if I had moved here to escape my family,” He looked back up at the clouds. “That’s not why I left. But, if I hadn’t left, I would have … felt a bit more trapped,” He let out a slow exhale. “Do you know what I mean?” 

Alex looked down at the concrete. “Not really,” He noticed Henry’s eyes back on him. “I've always known what I wanted to do with my life. And I’m doing it,” He shrugged. 

“That must feel good,” Henry stood back from the railing and looked behind him, finding the chair next to Alex in the dim light and sitting down. 

“Aren’t you graduating this year?” Alex asked, to which Henry nodded. “Do you have any plans?” 

“Yes and no,” Henry’s hands were in his lap and he looked down at them. “I’d like to stay here,” He looked up at Alex briefly before averting his eyes again. “But I’ll probably go back to London,” Henry’s eyes had something in them that Alex hadn’t seen before, but it seemed like whatever it was vanished as soon as it arrived. “It’s far too hot here,” He attempted a smile but it was clear to Alex that there was something else going on. 

“What’s the real reason?” Alex prodded. Henry’s eyes narrowed. 

“What do you mean?” His soft expression had faded. 

“Why are you going back if you wanna stay in Austin?” He ignored the shift in Henry’s demeanor.

“It’s not a matter of what I want,” He said simply, his eyes focusing on the concrete. 

“Why not? I mean, it’s your life,” The words came out harsher than Alex thought they would. 

Henry sighed. “I don’t expect you to understand,” He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Not in annoyance, Alex thought. More like something between anxiety and restraint. and Alex wanted to feel offended; Did Henry really think his rich white guy problems were such complex issues that Alex couldn’t grasp? But, more than anything, he felt a deep pit in his chest for Henry. Alex could never understand the weight of grief that Henry had, or why he felt so trapped. But he wanted to, somehow, take some of that weight off of Henry. But how was he supposed to help somebody with a deep sadness that he couldn’t possibly comprehend? Sometimes, Alex hated his instinct to help everybody stay afloat at all costs, because he knew it was somewhat impossible, but Alex was the kind of person who wanted to do the impossible. 

“I think,” Alex paused. “I think we need more alcohol,” He grinned. “I’ll be right back,” He patted Henry on the shoulder and went to open the glass door. 

“Alex,” Henry spoke softly. 

“Huh?” Alex turned his head around. 

“Do you, truly, not understand what I mean?” His eyes looked like he was begging for a specific answer. 

“How could I?” Alex replied matter-of-factly, opening the door and sliding through it.

The crowd inside the apartment had tripled. It was nearing 11:30, and everybody seemed to be in the drunken sweet spot. He walked through the sweaty college kids, making his way to the liquor. Most of it was gone, but there was still plenty of ice cold beer in the fridge. Alex reached down to open it, but he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around quickly and saw a drunk girl smiling at him. 

“Hi,” She wrapped her arms around Alex. He didn’t move a muscle, as he was a bit too confused about what was happening. 

“Uh, hey,” He looked down at her as she was looking right up into his eyes. 

“Whatcha doin’?” She was wearing glittery makeup and dark lipstick, only illuminated by the dim lighting of the party. 

Alex wasn’t sure what he should feel. He wanted to flirt back, but at the same time, Henry was waiting on the balcony for him. He wouldn’t be able to shake the thought of Henry out of his head if he tried. It was almost midnight, anyway, so he’d be making out with a stranger even if he didn’t flirt with this particular one. 

“Getting drinks,” Alex gave her a polite nod and pulled away from the waist hug, turning back towards the fridge to open it. 

“Oh,” She looked around. “Just for you, or…?” 

He grabbed two beers in one hand and closed the fridge. “I’m here with a friend,” He turned around to face her. “But I’ll catch up with you later, yeah?” He grinned as she nodded and he escaped that situation. He slid through the crowd back to the balcony door, opened the sliding glass door and walked through the plastic blinds. He closed the door behind him, and looked up to greet Henry with the beers.

But he was gone. 

How had Henry left without Alex noticing? Did he hire a drunk girl to distract Alex? Probably not, but Alex’s brain was scrambling. Maybe Henry just had to go to the bathroom. Maybe he jumped off and died. Alex looked over the balcony. No body to be seen, so at least that’s ruled out. He opened the door again and slid inside to be met with his sister. 

“What are you doing?” June said, accusatory. 

“I needed a place to sit– Hey, have you seen Henry?” Alex looked past her and scanned the partygoers. 

June shook her head. “Maybe he left,” She shrugged and took one of the beers out of Alex’s hand. “Why aren’t you drunk?” She asked. 

Alex ignored her question and walked past her. “Thanks anyway,” He pulled out his phone and leaned against the wall. He decided to text Henry before running around any more to find him. 

you’re not allowed to leave before midnight 

its kinda the whole point of a nye party

No reply, which Alex expected. He set his remaining beer down on the floor. He noticed that Poker Face was playing, and he was cursing Henry for robbing him of dancing ridiculously with Nora to Lady Gaga songs. He walked down the hallway to the bathroom and was surprised at the lack of a line. The door was closed, so he knocked. Almost immediately, the door opened. It was Henry, a fact which Alex smiled at. 

“Oh.” Henry stood in the doorway. He looked teary-eyed, but Alex wasn’t going to question it. He’d had his fair share of panic attacks in the bathroom at parties. But maybe that wasn’t the case here.

“Wanna get out of here?” Alex asked casually. The apartment was loud and flooded with people, and he figured if there was something going on with Henry, this was not the best environment to be in. 

He looked at Alex with surprise. He pulled out his phone and glanced at it, then back at Alex with a weak smirk. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to leave until after midnight,” He tsked. “It’s kinda the whole point of a New Year’s Eve party,” 

Alex rolled his eyes, but laughed despite himself. “You don’t look like you’re having a good time,” He turned and started to walk away. “So, let’s go,” He looked back and saw Henry hesitantly follow after him. He made his way towards the front door, being sure that Henry was close behind, opened it and yanked Henry into the hallway. He stood in front of the door awkwardly as Alex closed it. Henry’s demeanor seemed to revert back to how it was when he opened the bathroom door, slouched, avoiding eye contact with watery eyes. 

“Are you .. okay?” Alex leaned against the wall opposite Henry. 

“Yes,” He didn’t seem like he could look at Alex. 

“You’re lying.” 

Henry bit his cheek. He looked back at Alex with uninviting eyes. “You can never leave well enough alone, can you?” There was a lighthearted tone in his voice, almost a laugh, but there was a certain sardonic intention that was obvious to Alex. 

“Well, we’re friends, aren’t we? I’m allowed to be concerned,” Alex’s tone was much more passive-aggressive, not on purpose, but he was starting to get frustrated with the fact that he drunk dialed Henry while being emotional and now Henry was putting up a wall.

“You said yesterday that we weren’t friends,” Henry shook his head softly. “What’s changed?” 

Alex groaned. “It was a joke,” He tilted his head back in exasperation. “Do you really think I would text you all the time if I didn’t think of you as a friend? I mean, honestly,” He scoffed and continued, “You’re the only person I talk to outside of Nora and June,” 

The frustration in Henry’s face seemed to fade, but he took a step back from Alex. “I’m sorry, but, I have to leave,” He turned around to walk away from him, but Alex grabbed his arm gently. 

“Did I do something? I don’t get you,” 

“I know,” Henry sharply yanked his arm back. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” He said curtly, walking away. 

“You will?” Alex asked, mostly to himself. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

January had unfolded uneventfully for Alex. Classes started the last week of the month, which meant Alex’s job opened back up, which meant Alex was perfectly swamped. It was the second week of February and he was at work, making free samples of a Valentine’s themed drink, a hot chocolate strawberry mocha latte. It’d been a steady pace of customers all day, and his manager had written up a list of things for Alex to do during lulls between customers. First thing on the list, tiny cups of a ‘limited edition’ drink (even though they had the ingredients year-round). He was supposed to hand one out to every customer until he ran out. The process was mind-numbingly easy. 

He was rinsing out a pitcher in the small sink when he heard the door chime. “Welcome in!” He said, in his most perfect customer service voice, without looking up. 

“Thank you,” Henry said, approaching the counter. Alex set the pitcher down in the sink and leaned on the counter. 

“Your class ended already? I thought it lasted ‘til 1:15,” 

“Usually it does,” Henry shrugged. “When are you off?” 

“I still got another hour,” Alex groaned. “What do you want?” He logged into the register and rang up Henry’s usual order, but he still felt the need to ask. 

“You know exactly what I want,” Henry said and Alex’s ears felt hot. Weird. Unrelated, probably. 

“Six dollars, please,” Alex held his hand out. Henry rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet, taking exactly six dollars and putting it into Alex’s hand. Alex finished the transaction and turned around to make Henry’s Earl Grey tea. 

“Do you have plans tomorrow?” Henry asked, still standing by the counter. 

Alex racked his brain but couldn’t think of anything. He had one class in the morning and the rest of the day to himself. “Nah, not really, I was just gonna go to the library and do some homework,” He put the teabag into Henry’s cup and set a timer for it to steep. 

“Really? You didn’t find a poor girl to go on a date with?” 

“What do you mean?” Alex turned around to face him. 

“Have you lost track of your days? It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow,” Henry tilted his head. “You knew that, right?” 

Alex chuckled awkwardly. “Uh, yeah, duh,” He did not. He only paid attention to his work schedule and assignment due dates; The other calendar days were irrelevant to him. Usually he spent Valentine’s Day with Nora, making fun of all the couples and watching romcoms, but he’d found something out on New Year’s Eve that made him hesitant to do that. 

After Henry left that night, Alex had gone back inside and danced and counted down to midnight. At midnight, he turned his head, and saw June and Nora kissing. Which was something he had not seen before. 

“What about you? Got any plans?” Alex tried to ask this casually, as it really was a casual question, but something about asking made him feel embarrassed. 

Henry let out a soft sigh. “No,” He said plainly. 

“Really? I didn’t think a guy like you would have a hard time getting a date,” Alex glanced at the timer he had set. 

“I didn’t look for one,” Henry shrugged. 

“Well, what’s Pez doing? The three of us could go out and do something,” Alex suggested, not because he thought Valentine’s Day was anything more than a commercial holiday, but because it would give him a better story to tell his sister than if he sat alone all day. 

“Hm,” Henry thought. “That’s actually not a bad idea,” The timer went off and Alex whipped around to get Henry’s drink hand-out-ready. 

“Well, just text me, we can figure it out,” Alex set Henry’s drink down on the counter in front of him. 

“Thank you,” Henry grabbed the cup and picked it up.

“What, no tip?” He raised an eyebrow. 

Henry shook his head. “Dinner will be on me tonight,” He gave a polite smile and walked out of the cafe. 

Alex went back to his list of meaningless things to do, helping various customers, and cleaning until the hour went by. He clocked out, and checked his phone. 

dickhead: I was wondering if you two would be up for drinks tomorrow night? 

Pez (like the candy): Always am x 

Pez (like the candy): Whereabouts? 

dickhead: Main St. Lounge has decent food and drinks. 

they have the best AMFs 

i’m down

dickhead: AMFs? 

you’ll find out

Pez (like the candy): You two can meet me there at 9 tmrw x 

Alex walked home from work and showered, promptly falling asleep afterwards as he had worked a 6 am to 2 pm shift. 

He woke up to his phone buzzing incessantly after the sun had gone down. He picked it up without looking at the caller. 

“Bueno,” He greeted.

“What are you up to?” June’s voice came through with a smile. 

“I was napping, thank you for waking me up,” His sarcasm sounded rougher than it was intended to be due to his just-woke-up-voice. 

“My bad,” She said, not genuinely in the slightest. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner, we’re making white people tacos,” 

“I’ll pass tonight,” Alex did not want to pass. “I’d rather spend twenty bucks at Taco Bell,” He would not. 

“Oh,” June paused. “Okay, well, you’re missing out. See you later,” 

“See you,” Alex hung up. He wasn’t sure why, but he had been avoiding June and Nora ever since New Year’s. It’s not like he cared that they were dating, he was actually quite happy for them, but they both kept it a secret from him for how long? But, to be fair, there were signs. Did other people know about this? Did they just keep it a secret from Alex, specifically? Did they not want him to find out? Alex didn’t want all of these questions on his mind when he was around them, so he solved that problem by not being around them. It would have been isolating if it weren’t for Henry. 

Surprisingly, on New Year’s Day, Henry showed up to Alex’s apartment. He came with Thai takeout (as a peace offering, Alex assumed) and suggested they watch Love is Blind while 100% sober, which Alex couldn’t say no to. He, secretly, watched those types of shows sober as much as he did while drunk. And, apparently, Henry didn’t mind reality shows that much. They ate teriyaki chicken with pad thai on Alex’s couch, and everything seemed to go back to normal. Alex wanted to ask what was wrong the night before, but he held himself back for whatever reason. 

Alex rolled over and closed his eyes, but due to the late-day nap, he knew he wouldn’t be able to get any sleep. Also due to the lingering effects of caffeine. And his racing thoughts. His brain was not built for sleeping. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Alex walked up to the bar, which was only a 10 minute walk from his apartment, and immediately saw Pez and Henry waiting for him outside by the door. He reflexively looked at Henry’s outfit (yes, up and down, but that was only necessary to get all the details needed so Alex could make fun of him), which was, as usual, bleak. A simple long-sleeved white button-up with beige slacks. At least he wasn’t wearing a tie this time. Alex’s outfit was informal in comparison, with dark wash denim jeans, a beige hoodie to face the February air, with a white t-shirt underneath. Pez outdressed them (as always), wearing a leopard printed silk short-sleeve button up with dark red leather pants. He walked up to them, and Pez spoke first. 

“Shall we go in? I’m fuckin’ freezing,” He gestured with his head, Henry and Alex both nodding. Alex held open the door and walked in behind the two. The bar was emptier than Alex had imagined but still held a good crowd of people. Pez and Henry sat down at the bar and Alex joined beside Henry. Alex bent his head so he could face Pez. 

“Hey, thanks for coming out with us tonight, man,” He grinned. 

“Alexander. I truly, truly, have nowhere else to be,” Pez said, dramatically. The bartender seemed to approach out of thin air. 

“What can I get y’all started with tonight?” She had even more of a southern twang than Alex. Pez and Henry both looked at Alex. 

“Three AMFs,” Alex smirked. These two blokes had no idea what they were in for. 

“Starting off strong, I see,” She smiled. “I’ll get those right out for ya,” 

“ Starting off strong ? Alex, what are AMFs?” Henry said, with an inappropriate amount of concern in his voice.

“Pez, have you ever had one?” Alex asked, pointedly ignoring Henry. 

“Never even heard of it,” He shrugged.

Alex cackled. “You guys will love ‘em,” He winked at Henry, who quickly looked away. The bartender came around the corner of the bar with the three windex-colored drinks in hand. “Enjoy, and let me know if you need anything else,” She smiled politely and went to go take the order of another patron.

“This looks radioactive,” Henry commented. 

“I have to agree, are you sure this is safe for human consumption?” Pez examined the maraschino cherry and the lemon slice floating atop the drink. 

“Nope,” He took a generous sip from his straw. “Try it,” He urged Henry, who looked like he was in British disbelief at the bright blue color of the drink. Pez took a swig straight from the glass. 

“Mm, this is dangerous,” He elbowed Henry lightly. Henry rolled his eyes and took a sip from his straw. His eyes widened slightly. 

“That is good,” He looked at Alex suspiciously. “What’s in it?” 

“I dunno,” Alex took another sip. “Alcohol?” He grabbed Henry’s glass and held it closer to Henry’s face. “Just drink,” Alex realized he was close enough to Henry to feel the heat radiating from his body so he put down the drink scooted back to where he belonged. Henry picked up the maraschino cherry and plopped it into his mouth, something which did not make Alex feel any type of way. 

“So what does AMF stand for?” Pez asked, after taking another hefty swig. 

“Adios, motherfucker,” Alex smirked and nearly laughed after seeing Henry’s reaction. 

The three finished their AMFs quickly enough and topped them off with shots of vodka, and Alex heard the Pina Colada song playing faintly from the old speakers, and Henry was laughing at something Pez had said, and he nearly forgot they were supposed to be melancholically drinking about being single. 

Pez stood up from his barstool and sighed. “Sorry, boys, but I do have a flight in the morning,” 

“What? Really? You shouldn’t have let me give you an AMF,” Alex laughed and Henry snapped his head towards him. 

“What about me? I have work tomorrow,” Henry huffed. 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Have a safe flight, Pez,” 

Pez hugged Henry and waved to them both, walking out of the bar. 

“You can call out of work, he can’t call out of a flight,” Alex leaned towards Henry, as the crowd in the bar had grown larger. The bartender magically showed up again.

“Can I get y’all another round?” She leaned over the counter. 

“Actually, can we get two more AMFs?” He held up the two with his fingers. Henry looked a bit horrified. 

“Of course,” She smiled and walked away once again. 

“Alex, I’m already quite tipsy,” He laughed softly. “Seriously, what’s in those? I should not be this tipsy after one drink,”  

“That’s the whole point,”Alex laughed. “Why do you think they’re called ‘ Adios, Motherfucker ’s? They’re my favorite,” He gave a sarcastically haughty smile. 

“Of course they are,” Henry shook his head, still smiling. His face was already dusted with a drunken pink. Alex’s whole body felt warm, both from the alcohol and the heater running too high in the bar, and also his and Henry’s knees were touching, so maybe there was some sort of body heat transfer. He thought about how good the cold air outside would feel on his skin right now. 

“Here ya go,” The bartender set the two new AMFs in front of them and took their old glasses. 

“Salud,” Alex grinned and held up his glass to clink it with Henry’s. Henry reluctantly clinked and they both took drinks. 

“You know what I realized?” Henry set down his glass and took a small sip. 

“What? That I’m the best person to spend Valentine’s Day with?” 

“Um, no,” Henry laughed nervously. “I don’t know your major,” He turned his stool to completely face Alex. “I would expect you to never shut up about it, but the only person who has mentioned it to me is June,”  

Oh. Alex usually operated with the assumption that everybody already knew he was going to be a lawyer. It’d been a set-in-stone fact for as long as he could remember. “I’ve never mentioned it?” Alex asked, to which Henry shook his head. “Public Relations, and my minor is a mouthful – Ethics and Leadership in Law, Politics, and Government,” Alex took a sip of his drink. “I’m taking the LSAT in the summer, and I need to start applying to law schools in the fall,” He ran a hand through his hair. He wasn’t going to mention this, but over winter break, he’d nearly grown gray hair over studying for the LSAT. 

“What kind of law are you going to practice?” Henry rested one of his elbows on the bar counter and held his cheek in his hand. 

“I’m gonna be a public defender, so, criminal law,” Alex started to bounce his leg, some sort of pent-up energy from the alcohol reaching its capacity. “You’re an English lit major, right? Gonna become a millionaire from publishing mediocre books?” Alex teased.

“I’m also minoring in Classical Studies,” Henry veered his lips to the side. “I’d like to be a writer, yes, if that’s what you’re asking,” 

“Well, you’re pretty much set, right? You could publish whatever book you want and your family would make sure it’s on the shelves of every major bookstore, yeah?” 

Henry looked to the side. “Not exactly,” He looked back at Alex, but turned his body back towards the counter. “Why don’t you plan to work for your mother?” 

“June said something, didn’t she?” Alex rolled his eyes.

“Well, yes, but I’m curious.” Henry sipped his AMF, seemingly going through it faster than Alex was going through his. 

“I actually want to, just for a year or so, so I can get experience for my resume,” Alex paused. “But, she defends multi-millionaires. That’s not something I wanna spend my life doing. I wanna help the people struggling to get by. That way, maybe I can actually be the change somebody needs in their life. Like, maybe I can make it so one non-violent drug charge won’t ruin somebody’s life forever, y’know?” 

“So, what makes you think I’d like to spend my life publishing books for a multi-million dollar company?” Henry toyed with his straw, gently lifting it in and out of his drink. “And what makes you think they would let me publish just about anything?” 

“I dunno,” Alex admitted. “I thought that’s why you wanted to be a writer, ‘cause of your family,” 

Henry laughed. “No,” He shook his head quickly, as if aggressively shaking off that notion. “Did you choose to become a lawyer because of your family?” 

That was a good question. Alex had looked up to his parents, and certainly wanted to be like them, but he wouldn’t set up his whole life just on that– right? The workload and stress of being a lawyer was appealing to him, and he was genuine in wanting to help people. 

“Not really,” was the answer he decided on.

“We’re similar in that, then,” Henry had finished his AMF, plucking the maraschino cherry out once again and biting it off of the stem. “My grandmother certainly … influenced my career choice, but I don’t think I would have it any other way,”

“So, you’re not gonna work for your family, then? Is that why you only go by Fox?” Alex sipped his drink as fast as he could to catch up with Henry. How’d the British guy finish his AMF before Alex? 

“What I want in life isn’t exactly what I’ll get in life,” Henry stared down at the ice in his empty glass. “Alex, you won’t stop until you get what you want from life, right? And when you get it, you’ll find something new to divide and conquer,” 

“Dividing and conquering is your ancestor’s specialty,” 

“You’re changing the subject,” Henry looked up at Alex. “What I’m saying is – I’m not like you. I’m perfectly fine living a life I haven’t chosen,” 

“ Perfectly fine is not what you should want. You should want to be, like, happy, and passionate about what you’re doing,” Alex, not for any reason really, scooted closer to Henry. 

“Well,” He looked down at the floor, or maybe at Alex’s invasion of his personal space, “It’s not realistic for me to want that,” Henry was being too vague for Alex to completely understand, or maybe it was the alcohol affecting Alex’s cognition. “June was telling me about you, and how you won’t back down from anything to get what you want,” Henry smiled fondly, but it faded quickly. “I … back down easily. I don’t see my happiness as something worth fighting for, as depressing as that may sound,” 

“Oh,” Alex said, not meaning to. He felt an immeasurable weight in his chest, but tried to ignore it. “You should be more like me, then,” He forced a teasing laugh. The bartender came around to grab their glasses. 

Alex whipped his head around to face her and talked louder than he needed to. “Hey, wait, can we get two shots of Don Julio and the check?” 

“Of course,” She seemed to be fighting the urge to roll her eyes, and disappeared once again. 

He looked back at Henry, who had his hands resting on the counter and was fidgeting with his signet ring. “You should know, I do wish,” He looked at Alex, “That I could be more like you,” Henry gave a sorrowful smile and hung his head down.

Chapter Text

For the past month or so, Alex had stretched himself as thin as possible. He bumped his work schedule up to 30 hours, since one of his coworkers unexpectedly quit, he’d stacked his schedule so next year he could focus on law school admissions, and he forced himself to spend all of his free time anywhere but home, practicing for the LSAT and doing his coursework. At the beginning of March, almost 2 weeks ago, Alex started to feel incredible guilt for avoiding June and Nora. It had been two months since New Year’s and he still didn’t know what to say to them. They both noticed, of course, since before New Year’s, their apartment was practically his apartment too, but Alex would make up the excuse that he was just too swamped with homework (which was half true). He realized this was unfair to them, they hadn’t committed any wrongdoing, so he forced himself to plan a movie night with them. Well, much to Alex’s dismay, it was Henry who pushed him to do it. He, quote unquote, needed Alex to stop crashing on his couch and leaving crumbs everywhere. Whatever.

Alex had let Nora choose the movie, which ended up being the first Pirates of the Caribbean, he promised to supply popcorn, and June bought 2 liters of Coca-Cola (which she insisted was superior to Dr. Pepper). He showed up to their apartment and invited himself in, walking in to June and Nora standing in the kitchen. He held up the un-popped popcorn bag as if it was a trophy. 

June shook her head. “Alex, why have you been avoiding us? Don’t lie,” She took the popcorn bag out of his hand and set it down on the counter.

“For real, what happened to our daily lunches?” Nora frowned. 

“I’m sorry!” Alex said, unseriously. “It was really stupid, but I’m over it now, so, let’s just forget about it,” He opened the fridge, only for June to push it closed. 

“Tell us what happened, then you can have some Coke,” June had her arm around Nora’s waist. Was it always this obvious? Alex swore he must be stupid for never realizing they were together before New Year’s. 

“I saw you guys kiss at the New Year’s party,” He spoke quickly. 

Nora’s jaw dropped and she laughed. “I was wondering how long we could keep this up,” She looked at June and they both started laughing. 

“What are you talking about?” Alex furrowed his eyebrows. 

“We kinda sorta had a bet going,” June bit her lip. “When we first started dating, I bet that it was gonna take you at least a year to figure it out. Nora bet that it would only take a few months,” She looked at Nora and smirked. “So, thank you, Alex, for making me fifty bucks richer,” June lazily pulled the handle of the fridge door to open it. 

“Wow,” He elongated the vowel in dramatized shock. “Did everybody else know about this already?” He reached into the fridge to grab one of the two-liters and set it on the counter. 

“Not mom, but everyone else? Yeah,” June nodded.

“Wait, why haven’t you told mom? She’d be happy for you,” Alex closed the fridge and leaned his back against the door. 

“It’s not about that,” June swiveled, opening one of her cupboards to grab Alex a cup. She handed it to him, but he wasn’t really thinking about Coca-Cola anymore. Nora lifted herself up onto the counter opposite Alex, legs dangling off. 

“You know your mom, she’s gonna make a big deal out of it,” Nora said matter-of-factly. “Which isn’t a bad thing, but I mean, remember when you and I dated when we were, like, sixteen? She made us a whole powerpoint about safe sex and how STDs spread and the importance of contraceptives,”

Alex cringed at the memory. “Yeah, okay, but you guys are in a real relationship. And you’re adults, not stupid sixteen-year-olds.” 

“As if that matters,” June walked to the counter next to Alex, pouring herself some Coca-Cola into the cup she had given to Alex. “It’s not like I don’t wanna tell her, but I don’t wanna have a whole conversation about my sexuality and finding myself,” She opened a drawer and pulled a reusable straw out, plopping it into her cup and sipping.

“You’ll understand when you have your bisexual awakening,” Nora gave Alex a look. It took him a moment to process what she said. 

“My what? That’s not a thing, not for me, anyway,” Alex snatched the cup out of June’s hand and took a sip. June looked at him, at Nora, then back at him. Nora laughed. 

“Right, so you’re telling me when I put on our movie for tonight, you’re not gonna swoon over Keira Knightley and Orlando Bloom?” 

“That’s not fair, Orlando Bloom is objectively hot in that movie,” Alex continued even though Nora opened her mouth to speak, “And I can say that, because I’m secure in my heterosexuality,” 

“What about Henry?” June raised an eyebrow and took her cup back. 

“What about him?” Alex’s eyes darted between June and Nora, who were clearly thinking the same thing but weren’t telling Alex. “What?” He said, adding a dramatic flair of exasperation to his tone. 

“Come on,” Nora smiled like she knew something that Alex didn’t. “Haven’t you been sleeping at his place for the past month?” 

Alex popped his mouth open and scoffed. “On his couch ! Also, it’s not like I was there every night– Wait, how’d you even know that?” He shot a look at June.

“I asked him about you! I was worried,” June swatted Alex’s arm. Alex groaned. 

“No, you were being nosy , it’s a genetic thing, apparently,” He crossed his arms. 

“So you guys aren’t…” Nora finished her sentence by pushing the tips of her index fingers together repeatedly. 

“No!” Alex leaned towards Nora and separated her fingertips by slapping down his palm lightly. June set down her cup on the counter behind her. 

“What about…” June made the OK sign with one hand, and before she could complete the gesture with her index finger, Alex smacked her hand with the same energy as a cat knocking over a glass of water. 

“If I got laid, you guys would be hearing about it,” He rolled his eyes and June sneered. 

“Tell her about your sexual conquests, leave me out of it,” June pointed at Nora. Nora flashed a thumbs up. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Alex was sitting across from Henry 2 minutes after clocking out at work, waiting for his coworker to make their drinks. They were sitting at a small round table in the corner of the small cafe, the spring sun shining in his eyes through the window next to them. 

“You ass, why didn’t you tell me sooner? You didn’t want me to plan anything?” Alex leaned back in his chair, resting his hands behind his head. 

“Honestly, I thought I had mentioned it,” Henry held back a smile. “Percy has already planned a surprise party,” 

“How is it a surprise if you know about it?” Alex tilted his head curiously. 

“He’s never been the subtle type,” Henry shrugged. “He didn’t text you an invite?” 

“Um,” Alex pulled out his phone and started scrolling through his texts. “No. Isn’t your birthday tomorrow? Why wouldn’t he invite me?” He shoved his phone back into his pocket as his coworker brought them their drinks, an iced coffee with sugar and cinnamon for Alex and an Earl Grey tea for Henry. Alex stood up, grabbed his coffee and his messenger bag, and gestured with his head for Henry to follow him. 

“I’m not sure,” Henry stood up, pushed his chair in, and picked up his tea. “I would like you there.” He walked beside Alex. “You’re formally invited to my surprise party,” 

“Wow. What an honor.” Alex deadpanned. He pushed the door and held it open for Henry. He walked down the concrete path based on muscle memory, heading towards Henry’s apartment. 

“I can revoke it. But, I won’t, as you were just pouting in my face about not being invited,” Henry rolled his eyes and took a sip of his tea. “It’s not an attractive face, when you pout like that,” 

“But my face is attractive any other time, yeah?” Alex playfully elbowed Henry. 

“If that’s how you’d like to interpret it,” He shook his head. “I’d like to go on the record, though, and clarify that’s not what I said, so don’t go telling everybody that I called you attractive,” Henry raised his eyebrows. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” Alex waved off the comment. He stopped in his tracks, Henry walking a bit before noticing and stopping. “Wait, we are going to your place, right? I was kinda wandering,” 

Henry shrugged. “I assumed you knew where you were going,” He began to walk again, looking back to make sure Alex followed him. “You’re the one who told me to meet you when you got off work, I assumed we’d go to your flat so you could change,” 

“What? Is the stench of coffee and sweat on my clothes really that bad?” Alex took a sip of his coffee. 

Henry laughed quietly. “Yes, but that’s not why I assumed that,” He smiled. 

“Don’t you still have some of my clothes? I’ll just change at your place,” Alex kept following beside Henry, as they were going in the correct direction for that anyway. 

“Why do I have your clothes?” Henry turned his head to look at Alex.

“I’m pretty sure I left some there ‘cause I do the same thing at June’s apartment,” 

“What thing?” 

“Like, I forget stuff, but I just leave it there because it’s more convenient,” Alex shrugged. “I left some clothes there like a week ago. You didn’t see them? I thought I left ‘em on the couch,” Alex wasn’t sure why he said the couch instead of your couch. It was Henry’s couch. Alex had not grown attached to it. 

“Oh, that’s what that was? I just assumed it was a pile of rubbish and threw it down the chute,” Henry smirked at his own joke, or maybe at Alex, because Alex’s face must’ve shown that he actually believed it for a second. “To be honest, I don’t use the couch when you’re not around. They’re probably in the same place you left them, but I can’t be too sure,” There it is again. The couch. 

“Wait, why can’t you be sure? Do you just ignore the couch unless I’m there?” Alex internally punched himself. The couch. 

Henry nodded. “I much prefer my bedroom to the rest of the flat,” The flat. Alex thought, maybe he should spend some time at his own apartment. He knew why he liked to treat June’s (and Nora’s, he reminded himself) apartment as his own– It reminded him of home. But Henry’s apartment? Alex was still coming up with a good reason for that, if asked. 

“Why do you say that? The flat. It’s your apartment. Just say my flat .” Alex said this more to himself rather than Henry. 

“Since when did you care for grammar?” Henry cocked an eyebrow up. 

Alex straightened his posture as if caught committing a crime and he had to come up with an excuse. Which was essentially what was happening, at least in Alex’s head. “Probably ever since I started spending too much time with you, English Lit major,” Alex laughed awkwardly. 

“Both are grammatically correct, you know. You just like to argue,” Henry said this as a fact rather than an accusation. 

Alex grinned. “Why do you think I’m becoming a lawyer?” He noticed he was walking close enough to Henry that their bodies kept bumping into each other. 

“I thought you had to be good at arguing to be a good lawyer,” Henry glanced around, the both of them having just stepped outside of campus. He pointed to a sign on a building that Alex couldn’t read without his glasses. “Would you like to grab lunch?” 

Alex nodded, agreeing to lunch blindly because he did not want to admit to Henry right now that he needed glasses. “Yeah, and I’ll pay, I guess, but only ‘cause it’s almost your birthday,” Really, he and Henry had developed a system where they paid for food every other time. Henry had brought Alex a breakfast sandwich this morning, so it was Alex’s turn to pay for lunch. He just hoped Henry didn’t bring that up. 

“I didn’t ask, but alright, I guess I’m okay with that,” Henry looked down at the lid of his tea for whatever reason and started walking in the direction of the mysterious lunch place. Alex squinted his eyes while following close behind, trying to decipher the words on the sign before they were 2 feet in front of it. His focus was broken by the sound of Henry’s phone ringing. He looked over Henry’s shoulder to see the caller, but was promptly swatted away. Henry picked up the phone. 

“Hello, Percy,” Henry looked at Alex while saying the name, curing Alex’s curiosity. “Ah, yes, he’s with me now.” Henry said, and Alex wished he could hear what Pez was saying. “Don’t worry about it,” They approached the door of the lunch spot and Henry stopped, standing by the brick wall to finish the call. “Alright, then. Bye now,” He hung up the phone and looked up, Alex looking at him expectantly. He needed all the details. 

“What?” Henry said. 

“What’d he say?” 

Henry shook his head. “Have you ever heard the expression ‘curiosity killed the cat’?” 

“But satisfaction brought it back,” Alex winked. He received a look of annoyance back and Henry opened the glass door to the restaurant, holding it for Alex. He curtsied. “What a gentleman,” He said in his best damsel-in-distress voice.

Henry bowed sarcastically in reply. Alex looked around the restaurant, having forgotten to read the sign he was trying so hard to see. It had booths lining the walls, but it seemed like a casual lunch place, nothing fancy. Alex nearly breathed a sigh of relief, since his bank account would not thank him if Henry had dragged him to a Michelin star restaurant. There was a small laminated sign on the host stand that read ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ꜱᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱᴇʟꜰ. Henry must’ve seen it first, because he was already heading towards a booth. Alex followed him to a booth in the corner next to a window. Henry slid onto one side of the booth, Alex doing the same across from him. 

“What did Pez say about me?” Alex smiled, as if proud he didn’t forget about it, and leaned forward with his elbows on the table.

“Nothing of note,” Henry’s face said otherwise. 

“Tell me, tell me, tell me–”

“Oh my god, you are a child ,” Henry didn’t seem surprised by Alex’s immature antics. “He called to tell me he had picked my sister up from the airport and he briefly mentioned you in doing so,” Henry sat up straight, with nearly perfect posture. 

Alex’s jaw dropped, turning into a gleeful smile. “Why didn’t you tell me Bea was coming here?! She’s my favorite Mountchristen,” He was looking directly at Henry’s face, which wasn’t unusual for the way they were sitting across from each other, but Alex always felt awkward whenever they made eye contact. Alex wasn’t the type to be embarrassed easily, so he wasn’t sure why Henry’s face seemed to easily make Alex clam up. 

“You hardly know her,” Henry let out a small laugh. “Is this because I told you she was once in a band?” To which Alex nodded passionately. 

“Duh. That already makes her, like, a hundred times cooler than you. She’s all like,” Alex air guitar’ed, “And you’re all like,” He made a solemn face and crossed his arms. “I don’t have to know her to know I like her better than you,” 

Henry snorted. “Well, she’s spoken for, so,” 

“I didn’t even mean it like that!” Alex groaned. “Why’s everybody keep saying shit like that to me? Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I wanna fuck everything that moves,” 

Henry raised an eyebrow. “Huh?” He blinked. “I have a feeling that this has nothing to do with this conversation,” 

He was right. But Alex had been bothered about this very thing by June and Nora (mostly Nora) for the past 2 weeks. They were joking, of course, teasing that the reason Alex couldn’t get a girlfriend was because of his obsession with Henry, or whenever June would mention a coworker she casually slides in the fact that ‘ Oh, and by the way, she’s single’ which Alex couldn’t give less of a fuck about. 

“Sorry,” Alex leaned back against the leather booth. “It’s just, I really don’t care about dating right now, ‘cause I’m practically married to my LSAT practice tests, and I don’t get why anybody thinks I want a girlfriend or a friend-with-benefits, ‘cause if I did want one, I would already have one,” He spoke quickly, not being sure as to why he was even telling Henry this, and ran a hand through his hair. Henry was looking down at his hands on the table with an expression unreadable to Alex. He looked back up at Alex with a smirk that said I can’t believe you’re actually serious right now. 

“Why are you so bothered by it?” He tilted his head. “By anybody, I’m sure you mean Nora,” He paused. “Doesn’t she have your best interests in mind? She is your closest friend, I’m sure she just wants to see you be happy,” He spun his ring with his opposite index finger. 

“I dunno,” Alex said honestly with a groan. “It just got old, I guess.” 

“Ah.” Henry gave a slight nod. 

The hostess (or waitress?) came by with menus and set them on the table, asking them for drinks and rushing herself away. 

“Anyway,” Alex stretched out the vowels and set the menu upright on the table, blocking his face. “I’m excited to meet your sister,” He scanned the menu. “You talk about her a lot. It seems like she’s the only family member you actually like,” 

Henry laughed stiltedly. “That’s not necessarily true,” He grabbed the spine of Alex’s menu and pushed it down flat on the table with ease. “What did you decide on?” 

“What?” Alex stared blankly at Henry.

“Um,” Henry tapped the menu. 

“I dunno! Don’t rush me,” Alex actually started to read the menu. There was a lunch special for a turkey sandwich with a salad and he pointed to that. “I’ll get that, what are you gonna get?” He leaned his elbows on the table. 

“Hm.” Henry looked down at his menu. 

“What! You were rushing me, and you don’t even know what you want?” 

“Oh, hush.” 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Alex slept in that morning, trying to cram all of his studying for the week into one night so he could get ridiculously drunk for Henry’s party. He had spent the night at June and Nora’s, laying on the couch with his laptop in his lap and wearing his glasses for once. They left the apartment to him for the night since they wanted to have a sleepover at Pez’s condo. Alex was still trying to figure out where all of Pez’s money came from.

He didn’t wake up until two in the afternoon with eyes still burning from the lack of blue light protection on his lenses. He fumbled off of June’s couch and dragged himself to their kitchen, searching for the coffee grounds he had stashed there many moons ago. He opened all of the cabinets and cupboards, finally finding his coffee stashed behind Nora’s novelty mugs. The coffee maker was conveniently already on the counter. He used a paper towel as a filter and poured the grounds in, and used the glass pot to pour in the water. He turned it on and wanted to shoot himself out of impatience. Alex went to sit back down on the couch and check his phone. He quickly called Henry, even though he knew he wouldn’t be the first person wishing him a happy birthday. Alex was awake at 12 am, but completely spaced it last night. He set the phone down on the table in front of the couch and tapped the speaker button. 

“Hello?” Henry answered. It sounded like he was outside. 

“Where are you?” Alex asked reflexively. 

“Hm? At lunch with Percy.” 

Alex swore he could hear Pez say something in the background but could not make out the garble. Alex cleared his throat. “Happy birthday,” 

“Oh. Thank you,” Henry seemed to cover the mic and talk for at least 20 seconds. And then, “Percy says hello and that you need to check your spam texts. He got a new phone number, and he’s devastated that you haven’t texted him back,” 

“Wait, so he did invite me?!” Alex picked up his phone and started frantically going through the unknown sender texts. 

“I haven’t the faintest clue what you’re on about,” 

“Oh, yeah, the whole surprise thing. Hey, is it fine if I give you your gift, like, next week?” Alex found the text from Pez which had all of the details about the surprise party. 

“You really don’t have to get me anything,” 

“Too bad. Already bought it. Non-refundable,” 

“What is it?” 

“You’ll find out next week!” Alex walked back to the kitchen, watching the coffee drip into the pot, halfway full. “I gotta go, I’ll see you later,” 

“Alright, then,” Henry paused, seemingly expecting Alex to hang up. “Goodbye,” He said, implying Alex should hang up already. Which, he did.

Alex had ordered – what he thought was – the perfect gift for Henry. It was a Easton Press collector’s edition of Jane Eyre, fully bound in leather and genuine gold embedded in the spine. It was nearly 300$, having been published sometime in the 70s and only being sold by hermit book collectors online. He was still waiting for it to be shipped from Europe, but to be fair, he had just bought it yesterday. They had studied the book in their British Literature class last semester, and although it bored Alex to death, Henry seemed to understand it better than any of the other rich white guys in the class. Alex didn’t actually know if Henry liked collector’s or first edition books, but he figured any English major would appreciate it. 

He stopped the coffee maker before it was done, grabbing a glass and plopping June’s star-shaped ice cubes into it. He poured the whole of the coffee pot into his glass, added a splash of milk and sugar (even though he knew June’s apartment like the back of his hand, he could never seem to find the cinnamon powder or any other seasonings when he needed them), and sipped straight from the glass. His glorified-barista skills prevailed even with a cheap coffee maker. 

He pulled out his phone again, saving Pez’s new number and texting him back.

Pez: This is your favorite’s, Pez’s, new number, so please save it so I can bother you at any and all hours. Anyway, dear Alejandro, Hazza’s birthday is on the 12th and I am hosting a surprise party at his apartment. You may ask, How? When? Well, I will be sending him off to your apartment around 6 so that his sister and I may set up the party at his apartment. You WILL NOT come back to his apartment until 8. Keep him occupied ;) I am counting on you. This is your ONLY responsibility, take it as seriously as you need to so that I can throw my best mate a proper surprise party. x 

wtf im sorry i didnt see this sooner

i never check texts from random numbers

i got you tho 

cuz that text is a little scary 

Pez: It’s quite alright darling. But yes. Be scared. 

ooookaayyyyy i guess i can kidnap henry for 2 hours

Pez: Much appreciated x

Alex drank as much of his coffee as he could and dropped the glass in the sink once he finished 3/4ths of it. He got ready to leave the apartment, still in yesterday’s clothes, and left before 3 pm. He figured he needed to buy something else for Henry that he could give him today, but he had too much pride to go walking around Austin un-showered. He walked the short distance to his own apartment and quickly showered, styled his hair, and attempted to tidy up his living room. What were he and Henry supposed to do there for 2 hours? He had no alcohol, no boardgames, and no cute dog to play with. All the entertainment he had was a record-player and random DVDs from his childhood. He wouldn’t even spend 2 hours of his own birthday here. Which reminded him that he currently had 0 plans for the 27th except work and class. Maybe Nora had something planned. 

Alex spent the rest of the afternoon in and out of Downtown Austin shops, trying to find an inexpensive gift to give Henry at the party. He decided on a lame birthday card that had a dog with googly eyes on the front, and a mug from a novelty store that had a black handle and “UNT” in big black letters. He thought it was fitting for Henry. He got back to his apartment around five thirty, opened the card when he got there and found that it was completely blank inside. Luckily Alex did not have a lack of things to say to Henry. He sat down on his bed and grabbed a pen, writing inside the card: 

Henry, 

Good job on 23 years around the sun. I guess I’ll boost your ego since that’s what birthdays are all about. I was surprised by you in a lot of ways. I really did think you were a pretentious asshole. But now that I know you, you’re not even that bad. Even though you think Return of the Jedi is the best Star Wars. I don’t say this enough, but I really like having you around. It’s nice to have somebody who puts up with my bullshit. I’m gonna miss you if you move back to London in the summer. So, don’t. Just kidding. Do what you want. I can live just fine without David :,( .. OK, don’t go!!!! Or at least leave David with me!!! I’ll take good care of him, I promise 

Anyway, I’m running out of room. Happy birthday 

P.S. I think your happiness is worth fighting for. 

P.P.S. If you show this card to anyone, I'll smother you with a pillow

Alex

Alex closed the card, probably smudging the fresh ink, and bended it to fit inside the mug. He threw it inside a paper bag he had from work (because of course he forgot to buy a gift bag) and put it next to his messenger bag, hoping that he would remember to bring it to the party. He heard a knock on his door and groaned because it wasn’t even six o’clock yet. He begrudgingly hopped off of his bed and opened the door without looking through the peephole. Henry was standing awkwardly in front of the door, wearing a dark gray tie, a white button-up, and gray slacks. Boring.

“Hello,” Henry blinked. 

Alex expected Henry to walk in without an invitation, but forgot for a moment about his weird British manners. “You can come in, you know, you’re not a vampire,” Alex opened the door wider and stood against it. 

“I’m aware,” Henry stepped into the apartment and Alex closed the door behind him. “Have you ever thought that, maybe, it’s rude to enter someone’s home without asking for permission?” This was clearly a pointed question since, sometimes, Alex didn’t even bother to knock before going into Henry’s apartment. 

“Nope,” Alex flashed Henry a smile. “Oh, I got you another gift,” And Alex was too impatient to wait 2 hours to give it to him. He walked to his room while Henry went to the couch, and grabbed the paper bag and sat next to Henry. He set the bag in Henry’s lap and smiled. “Happy birthday.” 

Henry looked down at the bag and pulled the unconcealed mug out, and his eyes widened as he laughed at it. “Wow,” He shook his head, nearly in disbelief. “How flattering,” He set the mug down on the table in front of them and pulled out the card. He shook it to see the googly-eyes shake. He opened it, but Alex put his hand in front of the writing. 

“Don’t read it now! It’s embarrassing,” Alex huffed. 

“You? Embarrassed?” Henry pulled the card away and held it up above his head, tilting his head back to read it. “Henry, good job on–” He began to read, but Alex put his hand over Henry’s mouth. 

“Stop! Read it silently if you’re gonna read it!” He took his hand back.

“Alright, alright,” Henry chuckled and brought his arms back down, crossing his legs so he could rest his hand with the card on his knee. Alex watched him intently as he read. After about thirty seconds, Henry closed the card and turned his head towards Alex. 

“Thank you. But Return of the Jedi is, indeed, the best Star Wars,”  He set the card down on the table. 

“We’ve had this conversation a million times, and you’re always so wrong!” Alex pushed Henry’s chest lightly. 

Henry laughed. “What’s so wrong about liking a happy ending?” 

“Ugh, you sound like June,” Alex rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch. “So, like, what do you wanna do while they set up your surprise party? I was kinda hoping you would just nap so I wouldn’t have to deal with you for two hours,” 

Henry tilted his head and furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean? You’re usually the one who subjects me to hours of listening to your ranting,” 

“I do not rant for hours ,” Alex protested. 

“Mm, I beg to differ,” Henry looked tired, Alex noticed. “I need to start timing you,” He looked at Alex and Alex saw something in his eyes he couldn’t recognize, but it was new. Usually, he could tell how Henry was feeling by the look in his eyes or the small twitches of his mouth, but sometimes, Henry looked at Alex with something that he just could not put his finger on. Maybe a little bit happy, maybe a little sad? Alex realized he was probably staring and glanced elsewhere. But he wished he could truly know Henry and figure out what was going on in his head when he looked at Alex that way. 

“So, are you moving back to London when you graduate?” Alex bit his lip, knowing that he was really saying, Please don’t move, because I really don’t know what I’m gonna do with myself without you here. 

Henry looked away and took a tense breath. “What reason is there to stay here?” He directed his gaze back at Alex. 

Alex blinked at him. Without thinking, his answer slipped out quietly. “What about me?” He said, completely serious. Alex wasn’t actually that self-centered, he knew that Henry had every right to move back to London if he wanted to. But the first thing that came to mind was his friendship with Henry. Because, as much as Alex hated to admit, he felt like he needed Henry– or rather, their dynamic, maybe. And. Well. Alex knew that Henry wanted to stay in Austin. Maybe he was being presumptuous by thinking that, but he thought back to their conversation at the New Year’s party, and saw that as confirmation he was right. Recently, he had been thinking about that conversation a lot. 

“Hm.” Henry said, as if Alex actually had a good point. 

“And, like, what about what you want? The best reason to stay here is that you don’t want to leave,” Alex tried to recover, worried he had sounded like he believed the world revolved around him. 

“I should be with my family,” Henry said, but it sounded like he was just repeating what somebody else wanted to hear. 

“That’s bullshit,” Alex laughed incredulously. “Sorry, but, it is. You’re a grown man. Make your own decisions,” This came out more insultingly than Alex intended. 

“I am fully capable of making my own decisions. Just because you disagree with it doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice,” 

“You don’t even agree with it!” Alex scoffed. 

“I can’t stay here,” Henry said, strained. 

“Literally, why?” 

“Because, I–” Henry stopped himself and exhaled heavily. “You’re incorrigible. Nothing I say will change your mind, will it?” 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Maybe if you actually explained anything to me, I’d be less .. incorrgidible,” 

“Incorrigible.” 

“That’s what I said.” 

Henry shook his head. “It’s not.” 

Alex shrugged. “Agree to disagree.”

“That’s not how that works.” 

“Hold on,” Alex laughed. “I can’t take you seriously when you’re wearing that,” He pointed at Henry’s tie and leaned to begin to untie it. 

“ Um,” Henry nearly yelped. He backed up slightly, but Alex continued to untie it. He fully untied it and undid the first button on Henry’s shirt. 

“There, now you don’t look like a groomsman,” Alex patted Henry’s chest and leaned back, taking the tie and throwing it somewhere behind him. 

Henry stammered, and Alex started to laugh because he had actually rendered Henry speechless. 

“I … could have done that myself,” He said, eyes still slightly widened.

“Yeah, well, I guess I like to take the initiative,” Alex shrugged. 

“Quite.” 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

It was an hour into Henry’s birthday party and Alex was already 5 shots in, behind Henry by a single beer. Pez had built an incredibly crude British party playlist that apparently activated something in Henry, because he was actually smiling and dancing. Maybe it was the alcohol. Alex’s face filled with glee when Henry pulled his arm to dance to ABBA’s Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!, and this part was surely the alcohol, but he felt a warmth in his chest that made him never want the moment to end. He could hear Nora laughing wildly, and he looked over to see her doing something like square-dancing with June and Bea with Pez hyping them up. Alex was probably too close to Henry, but he looked back and only saw a smile on Henry’s face, so he shrugged the thought off. The music was loud enough to warrant a noise complaint, probably to compensate for the small group of people, so Alex leaned in next to Henry’s ear to speak. 

“Let’s take shots,” Alex pulled back to nod wildly, searching for agreement in Henry’s face. 

Henry shrugged and said something Alex couldn’t hear. Alex laughed and pulled Henry towards the living room table, pouring Henry two shots and himself only one. 

“What’s this about?” Henry said, loudly this time, while Alex handed him the two shot glasses. 

“You’re taller than me,” Alex said as if it explained everything, but Henry only looked more confused. “So, you weigh more, so you need more alcohol than I do,” To which Henry still looked confused but took the shots anyway. 

“Hey, we’re supposed to take them together,” Alex said, then downed his own shot. 

“Oh, shut up,” Henry said with a smile on his face. 

“Can’t make me,” Alex smirked and turned around, grabbing Henry’s arm as he turned and joined the June-Nora-Bea-Pez square dance. He wasn’t even sure if it could be considered a square dance. It was more like a semi-organized clumsy bumping-into-each-other dance. 

Nora leaned her head next to Alex’s, much to his surprise, and laughed before she got any words out. “You having fun with him?” 

Alex turned his head sharply to face her, their faces inches away from each other. Her breath smelled like raspberry vodka. He didn’t know what she meant. “Huh?” 

Before she could respond, a familiar beat started to blast from the speaker. “Oh, shit!” Alex yelled excitedly and grabbed Henry’s arm. “Dance with me,” He said through a smile. Henry’s cheeks seemed flushed as he replied, “Sure,” 

The voices of Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz filled the room, June and Nora grinding on each other as they should to Get Low , and Alex had his arms around Henry’s neck, not really paying attention to what he was doing, simply letting his body move to the music. Henry’s eyes were locked on Alex, but he wasn’t dancing. Maybe it was because he was holding a beer and didn’t want to spill any. That reason made the most sense in Alex’s mind.

“Dance!” Alex unlinked his arms from around Henry’s neck and grabbed the beer from out of his hand, reaching to set it down on the table. “Just watch and learn, baby,” Alex said to Henry, and started dancing, probably not very well, but he didn’t care. Henry did, indeed, watch, but didn’t seem to be learning because he was just standing there. Alex gave a questioning gesture with his arms and pulled Henry closer (so he didn’t have to talk as loudly, of course). “I said dance,”

“You said to watch,” Henry argued. Alex rolled his eyes. 

“ And learn, which clearly, you aren’t learning anything,” 

“How do you expect me to do that?” Henry softly laughed. 

“What do you mean?” Alex tilted his head. 

Henry threw his head back, laughing. 

“Why are you laughing at me?!” Alex pouted. 

“Because, you’re–” Henry began, but Pez showed up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I’ll return him shortly,” Pez reassured Alex as he wrapped an arm around Henry’s shoulder and guided him elsewhere. Alex turned his attention to the trio of girls, walking towards them and wrapping his arms around June and Nora, facing Bea. He looked at her face, and realized, 

“You’re not drunk!” He gasped. 

“Somebody has to take these lovely ladies home,” Bea smiled. “And Pez too,” 

“ Yeah, Alex, she's DD,” Nora elbowed him and shot him a look. Was there something he missed? He continued looking at her, trying to decipher an imaginary puzzle. He noticed she and Henry had very similar cheekbones. 

June grabbed Alex’s chin and turned his face towards her. “Stop ogling her! She’s married!” 

Alex flashed up his index finger. “For your information, I was just looking at her features objectively. Like, how she has the same freckles and cheekbones as Henry,” 

June raised an eyebrow. “You’re weird,” 

“Always thinking of Henry, huh?” Nora smirked. 

“No!” Alex shook his head and slid his arms off of June and Nora. They looked at him, unconvinced. “Stoooooop!” He groaned. 

“Alex,” Henry’s voice said from behind, very close to his ear, which made him jump. 

“Oh, hi,” Alex replied candidly. He turned around completely, forgetting the conversation he was having before. He felt his face warm up from the alcohol and he involuntarily smiled. 

“Can I talk to you?” Henry jerked his head to point at his front door. 

“Huh? Yeah, what’s up?” Alex said as Henry grabbed his arm and turned around towards the door. He dragged him into the hallway and closed the door behind Alex. 

“I’m staying,” Henry blurted.

“What?” Alex stared blankly. 

“I’m staying here, in Austin, with you,” Henry’s eyes were, once again, locked on Alex which was making Alex sweat. 

“Oh, cool.” Alex replied casually.  

Henry raised his eyebrows. “You really are dense, aren’t you?” He laughed through his teeth, and before Alex could respond, suddenly Henry walked up to him and his hands were cupping Alex’s face and he was kissing Alex. 

Alex blinked harshly, and closed his eyes, and his body was buzzing, and Henry’s lips were soft , and his brain was short-circuiting and as some sort of reflex or desire or something Alex leaned into the kiss and Henry’s mouth fell open and Alex’s tongue slid in clumsily. He felt Henry’s hand grip his hair and Alex was mentally trying to piece together how they even got here, and he let out something like a moan and Henry harshly pulled back. Henry’s eyes were wide and he said something under his breath and turned back towards the door, opening it and disappearing into his apartment, leaving Alex frozen, standing in the hallway. His mind was racing, and one thought kept coming back around, which was simply a realization of, 

“Oh.” He breathed out. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

In the week since Henry’s birthday, Alex had spent his mornings jogging in the park. He couldn’t focus at work or in class because he was thinking about Henry, so he was trying to contain his Henry thoughts to his morning jogs. Which wasn’t really working. He tried texting Henry to no avail, and it felt too stalker-y to show up to his apartment, so Alex had to think about Henry 24/7 without any outlet. Which was, understandably, driving him crazy. At the end of the week, March 19th, Alex showed up to June’s apartment after a jog when he knew she wouldn’t be home. He knocked. 

Nora opened the door with a hair-dryer-with-spikes contraption in hand held up to her wet curls. “Hey, stranger,” She held the door open with one hand to let Alex in and let it close behind him. “Where’ve you been?” 

Alex took a deep breath and knew that if he didn’t say it now, he never would. “So, I kissed Henry, or- no, he kissed me, at his birthday party, and I’ve been having a .. not-straight crisis for the past 7 days, and I think I might be bi?” He said, nearly all in one breath.

“Oh, wow,” Nora said, but she didn’t sound surprised. She shrugged. “Makes sense.” 

“Uh, what? No it doesn’t,” Alex followed her as she went into the bathroom, presumably to continue drying (?) her hair. 

“What do you mean? He’s gay, and you’ve been drooling over him for the past 2 and a half years–” 

“He told you he’s gay?” 

“No, but, I mean, come on,” Nora rolled her eyes. 

“I thought he was just … British! Why wouldn’t he tell me he’s gay?” 

“And how would he go about that? Hey, Alex, can I get a tea and also I’m a homosexual,” She imitated Henry in a British accent. 

Alex groaned. “Yeah, okay. So, what are the numbers on me being .. I dunno, bi?” 

“Alex. I cannot tell you what you are and what you aren’t.” She paused. “But, based on what you’ve just told me in the past minute, I’d say there’s a 96% chance that you’re bi and into Henry,” She set down the hair-dryer (?) and walked back out into the kitchen. 

“Okay,” Alex nodded, as if deep in thought. But his mind was still racing. “So– so, he kissed me, right–” 

“Right! Was there tongue or was it a tiny peck or … what?” She smirked. 

“That doesn’t matter!” 

“Did you like it?” She wiggled her eyebrows up and down. 

Alex groaned. “Well, yeah,” 

“So … what are you gonna do about it?” She grabbed a bag of chips and started snacking. 

“What? He’s totally ghosted me, so, nothing, I guess.” 

“Oh my god , Alex, I thought you were supposed to be smart!” She groaned dramatically. “He’s hiding. Because he likes you. And you’ve liked him forever, but he doesn’t know that,” 

“What? I dunno about forever,” Alex let out a soft sigh. “Maybe since he kissed me–” 

“Seriously?” Nora put a hand on her hip. “You have been obsessed with him ever since you met the guy! Me and June thought you were, like, coping with your crush on him, that’s why we kept bringing up dating stuff to distract you from it,” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah, can you like, maybe not mention this to June?”

Nora nodded. “Okay, so. Anyway. You’re bi and you need some British cock–”

“ What?! ” Alex shook his head vigorously. “Okay, I’m maybe bi and, okay, I probably like Henry in a more-than-platonic way,” 

“It’s really taken you this long to figure that out? I figured it out when you started taking that literature class with him,” 

Alex put his head in his hands. “Okay, okay, can I word vomit for a second?” He looked up at Nora. 

“Do I have a choice?” She teased.

He sat down on the couch as Nora followed him. “So. Okay. Henry kissed me. Henry is, gay? And I liked when he kissed me. It was, honestly, really good. I think,” He groaned. “I think. I like Henry. And I’m bi. Yeah. That wasn’t as many words as I was expecting,” 

Nora nodded. “Okay. I go back to my original question– what are you gonna do about it?” 

Alex blinked. He had no idea. He needed a scenario where he could be alone with Henry. And talk. Or something. 

“Hear me out,” Alex sat up straight. “My birthday is in, like, a week. I throw a party and invite, obviously you, June, and Pez. I make a groupchat, with Henry in it. I tell June to invite all her bookstore friends, which includes Henry, and Pez will obviously want to bring Henry. So. He comes to the party and I get to talk to him and give him the 300$ gift I got for him,” 

Nora snorted. “You got him a 300$ gift before he kissed you?” 

“Yeah,” Alex sighed. “Is my plan gonna work or what? Numbers?” 

“Hm,” She pursed her lips. “He could easily lie to June and Pez and say he’s sick. But I don’t think he will,” Nora paused. “He likes you, and if you invite him indirectly like you said, he might take that as you only inviting him as a courtesy. I’d just make the group chat and invite the three of them normally. Here, I’ll do it.” She pulled out her phone. “I’m gonna make a group chat with you, June, Henry, and Pez,” She began reading as she was typing. “Hi everybody, we’re throwing a party for Alex’s birthday at .. eight, on the 27th at his place. It’s gonna be super laidback, just the five of us, so please be there or he’ll be sad,” 

“Don’t say that!” 

“Too late,” She smiled and Alex’s phone buzzed. 

chaos demon: hi everybody!! we’re throwing a party for alex's bday at 8 on the 27th at his place. its gonna be super laidback. just the five of us. so plz be there or he’ll be sad

yeah what she said

Bug: Umm planning a bday party while I’m at work? 

Bug: Rude 

she texted so that YALL could plan it for me

i shouldnt have to do any planning

its MY bday

Bug: Spoiled much 

Bug: Have you been spending the past week at Henry’s or are you just ignoring all of us

ignoring all of you

im trying to cleanse all the TOXICITY out of my life

😒

Pez: :( 

not you pez 

sorry 

i shouldve clarified

im specifically cleansing the june and nora out of my life

Pez: Aw <3

Bug: Wowwwwwwwwwwww 

chaos demon: im literally never helping you with anything ever again 

ok ok

cleansing the june out of my life

Bug: WOW 

Bug: And they say blood is thicker than water… smh 

whatever 

guess im stuck with the toxicity 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Alex was nearly bursting at the seams. He had to see Henry tonight. He had written a note and slipped it inside the Jane Eyre book, and hoped, even if Henry didn’t show up, the book would still make it to him through Pez. He wrote, on a piece of yellow notepad paper:

Henry 

This was 300$. (That’s big money in non-nepo-baby terms). In case you had any doubts about me wanting to kiss you furiously. I’m also very stupid. That's not your fault. 

Here’s a quote from this book, which I’m sure you already know: All my heart is yours, sir: it belongs to you; and with you it would remain, were fate to exile the rest of me from your presence forever.

Slowly going insane,

Alex 

It was a little bit bold, but what else was Alex if not impulsive and rash? Alex was pacing around his apartment until seven-thirty, when June and Nora arrived. 

June took one look at Alex and blurted out, “What’s your issue?” 

Alex rolled his eyes. “Thanks, happy birthday to you too,” 

“Yeah, but, your eye-bags are crazy ,” June walked up and poked Alex’s face and he swatted her hand away, 

“I need to take the LSAT in two months, I haven’t been sleeping,” He ran a hand through his hair and continued pacing. Nora whispered something to June and they sat on Alex’s couch. 

“Sit down, Jesus Christ,” June said. “I’m stressed out just looking at you,” 

“Yeah, c’mon, it’s your birthday. Smile,” Nora patted the seat next to her. Alex flashed a fake smile and sat down next to her. 

Alex’s phone buzzed and he hurriedly checked it, it being a text from Pez saying he and Henry would be there soon. Alex’s heart was in his stomach and he tried to keep his composure. 

“Can y’all do me a favor? When Henry gets here?” He turned his head towards the two.

“What is it?” June asked genuinely. Nora nodded. 

Alex let out a long exhale. “When Pez and Henry get here, I need you two to go out on the balcony with Pez,” 

“What? That thing you call a balcony is not gonna fit all three of us,” June was overexaggerating, but it really was tiny in comparison to her balcony. 

“Please?” Alex’s eyes darted between Nora and June. “I need to talk to Henry alone.” 

June raised her eyebrows, looked at Nora, then back at Alex. Nora nodded at June. 

“Fine, only ‘cause it’s your birthday, though. I fucking hate your ‘balcony’,” June ruffled Alex’s hair. A knock came at the door and Alex’s eyes widened. 

“Come in!” June yelled. 

Pez came in first with Henry close behind. Pez had two gift bags in hand and set them down on the floor. 

“Happy birthday, Alex,” Pez beamed. 

“Thanks,” Alex said, absentmindedly, as he was too busy staring at Henry to process anything else. Henry seemed like he was desperately avoiding eye contact, but Alex wouldn’t allow that. 

“Hey, Pez, wanna go out on the balcony with us?” Nora said very unnaturally, but Alex still appreciated the gesture. He saw Henry slightly raise a brow. 

“Of course, darling,” Pez smiled, June and Nora getting up and leading him out to the small balcony. Alex stood up once they closed the door behind them. He grabbed Henry’s arm and started towards his room. Henry had the nerve to scoff, but didn’t exactly protest Alex’s dragging of him to the bedroom. Alex practically pushed Henry into the room and closed the door behind them. 

“Alex, I–”

“Okay, before you say anything stupid, I need to give you this,” Alex picked up the Jane Eyre book from his nightstand and handed it to Henry. “This was your birthday present, so, you’re welcome,”
Henry hesitantly took the book and looked down at it with surprise. “I can’t–” 

“Stop talking!” Alex took the book back and set it down on the bed behind him, and without really thinking, he grabbed Henry’s shirt collar and pulled him close, and kissed him with about the same passion as before and the same sparks that flew before, flew again. Henry’s jaw seemed to drop but he seemed to quickly recover, kissing Alex back and holding him tight. 

Henry was the one to pull away first, and he stammered before finally speaking without Alex interrupting him, 

“I wanted to say that I was sorry,” 

“Don’t be.” Alex said assertively. 

Henry’s breath hitched. “Right,” He closed his eyes briefly and started again. “I. Er. I’m surprised,” 

“About what?” Alex sat on his bed, a bit begrudgingly as he kinda just wanted to attack Henry with his mouth again. 

“About, well,” Henry made a motion with his hands. “ This.” 

“Yeah, you’re gonna have to elaborate,” 

Henry bit his lip. “Hm,” He leaned against the wall. “What is this, to you?” 

“Um, that’s only the second time we’ve kissed, so …” Alex trailed off. 

“What I meant to say was,” Henry looked down sheepishly. “How do you feel about me? What am I to you?” 

Alex blinked. “Did I not make that obvious? I like you. You like me, right?” 

“Yes,” He looked back up at Alex. “I do,” He walked up to Alex, and before he could say anything more, Alex pulled Henry down by his shirt and pulled him into a rough kiss, biting Henry’s lip and pretty much pulling Henry down on top of him. Or maybe Henry fell on top of him. Plausible deniability. 

Chapter Text

On Victoria Beach, there’s a pirate tower. During high tide, it’s impossible to get up close to it, but when Alex was 16, he had a stupid idea. He decided if he could walk through the waves cautiously enough, he could get close enough and touch the rocks of the tower. June, Raf, and his dad were all pleasantly distracted, so Alex went ahead and started walking. He walked close to the cliffside, trying to stay on shallow ground, but eventually, the waves came up to his knees, splashing his swim trunks. He was still determined, despite seeing the tide pool overflowing, and kept walking barefoot on the rocky shore. The very slippery rocky shore, as he learned. He misstepped, the water catching him, but as he got up again to continue to the tower, a wave crashed and yanked him away from the shore. Before he could process what was happening, he was under the water and being pulled into the ocean. He surfaced, his breath heavy and rapid, and tried to remember what the rip-current warning signs told him to do, but he was officially panicking. He must’ve blacked out from pure adrenaline, because all Alex remembers is that he somehow got back to the others, and simply explained he went for a swim. Maybe it was a mermaid that saved him. Or maybe Alex’s brain did him a favor and remembered the signs’ advice ( don’t fight the current! ). That was six years ago now. 

Alex woke up in Henry’s bed next to the latter with the morning sun shining through the curtains. Henry had graduated the week before, but didn’t walk the stage for reasons unknown to Alex. He was sleeping peacefully with his arms around David. Henry seldom looked this peaceful when awake. There was always some sort of tension and anxiety in Henry’s being, but at this moment, he was blissful sleeping next to Alex. He distantly wondered how he could keep Henry like that forever, but he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around Henry.

Last night, Alex was on his way to Henry’s when his mom called. He had very excitedly answered the phone, because almost every time she called he was at work or vice versa, so actual phone conversations were rare, but the excitement quickly faded. Alex had been preparing to take the LSAT for months, and emotionally preparing for longer. He and his mom had talked about his internship for years, and it had been his plan for years. He knew it wasn’t ideal, but it also wasn’t forever. But. She had called to tell Alex he could not work at her firm. Something about nepotism and inexperience. He protested, of course, but his silver tongue wasn’t very effective on her. And something in Alex just cracked wide open. It made sense, really, and he shouldn’t have even been upset about it because that’s not even the type of law he wanted to practice, but when he got to Henry’s, he was desperately holding back tears. He did not want to cry in front of Henry. Mostly because, nearly 2 months ago, they had agreed to keep their relationship casual, and left it at that, but Alex didn’t even know what that really meant. He knew it meant Henry wouldn’t dare touch Alex in public, which was perfectly fine with Alex, and ‘casual’ probably requires a very limited amount of emotional intimacy. So. Yeah. No crying in front of Henry.

… Was his plan, but as soon as Alex opened the door and met eyes with Henry, he immediately asked what was wrong, and that alone started Alex’s half-crying half-rambling session. He told Henry pretty much everything that had ever happened to Alex – His parents’ divorce, his dad’s move to California, about June, about Christmas Eve, about the nights he spent lying awake staring at his ceiling, about his ADHD diagnosis (which he had buried pretty deep), and about why he had been so hurt by Henry that October night when they first met, and plenty of other things that he regretted just as soon as they came out of his mouth. But Henry just held him and let him talk. He was expecting Henry to stop him at some point, but he didn’t. Alex stopped himself eventually after getting it all out, and he basically passed out in Henry’s arms. 

That probably didn’t cross the threshold of ‘casual’, right? But if Alex was being completely honest with himself, his head buried in the nape of Henry’s neck, what Alex felt for him was unlike anything he had ever felt before. They were surely still in a honeymoon phase, Alex knew that, but there was something in him that knew that he would never want to be with anybody else. But, he couldn’t think about that for too long before he had to face the reality, which was that Henry wanted casual. Casual, Alex repeated to himself daily, to keep himself in check. Friends-with-benefits. It’s what Alex wanted, too. 

Henry softly mumbled and rolled over, eyes fluttering open to look at Alex. Deep blue eyes that Alex couldn’t tear away from. 

“Good morning,” Henry pulled Alex in closer and placed a soft kiss upon his dark curls. And. Alex was completely-fucking-screwed. He closed his eyes against Henry’s chest and tried to make a list.

1. That New Year’s conversation. Henry did not believe in his own happiness, which broke Alex’s heart. 
2. “What am I to you?” Henry had asked. Alex wondered if he should clarify his answer, 2 months later.
3. Henry was going to stay in Austin. For how long? Just for the rest of the summer? The rest of the year? Five more years? Alex would probably follow him to London in a heartbeat, now, given that his whole internship plan was completely derailed. 
4. To add on to the above, “with you”? Was Henry staying in Austin for Alex? Or was he overthinking that part? 
5. Henry said his family was complicated. Did that mean homophobic? Dysfunctional? Abusive? Henry had a tendency to be elusive. 
6. Why was Alex even thinking about this stuff? They were casual friends-with-benefits, and that’s how it should stay. 

But he was lying down in Henry’s arms. Alex sat up abruptly and tried not to exhale too heavily. He looked straight ahead, because he already knew Henry was looking up at him with those eyes. 

“How long are you gonna be here?” Alex asked, looking at a messy-haired barely-awake Henry processing the question.

“Hm .. what?” Henry slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard with his face turned towards Alex. 

“In Austin, I mean. When are you going back to London?” Alex crossed his arms. 

“Um,” Henry clicked his tongue. “My plan is grad school,” He paused. “Here. In Austin. I’ve decided to take a gap year, not that I have a choice, since I’ve yet to submit any applications–” 

“Wait, so, you’re staying here for … three more years?” Alex smiled and turned his face towards Henry. “What happened to having no reason to stay here?” 

Henry gave Alex a soft, quick kiss. “Circumstances have changed,” Again with the elusiveness. When does it end?

“What do you mean?” 

Henry furrowed his eyebrows, seemingly confused. About what? “Hm. I haven’t told you much about my family, have I?” 

Alex shook his head. “You haven’t told me anything ,” 

Henry clenched his jaw and looked away from Alex. “My grandmother is … Well– She does love me. However … I’m not the person she wants me to be.” Even though the signet ring was on the nightstand, Henry was fidgeting with his hand where the ring would usually be. “Every single book that has been published with the Mountchristen name attached to it, and I do mean every single one– has to adhere to … a specific standard,” Henry was choosing his words carefully. “If a book doesn’t fit those standards, my grandmother won’t have any part in printing it,” He leaned his head back. “There’s an image that she has to keep, in which my writing, my lifestyle does not uphold, but I do, genuinely, want to be a writer,” His eyes went back to Alex. “But she simply … won’t allow it. Anything I write reflects back onto her, even with my surname dropped,”

“Sorry, but, fuck your grandma,” Alex shook his head. 

Henry weakly laughed. “She’s … mostly responsible for my decision to stay in the states. Then, there’s …” He sighed. “I haven’t been close with my mum since before Dad died. The grief just … completely consumed her, it’s as if … I lost her, as well,” His voice became scratchier as his words went on, and suddenly Alex realized that the melancholy he saw in Henry’s eyes wasn’t just that. The anxiety, the ring, the pills, the hesitation– it all fit together – It was grief. Alex didn’t know much about the profoundly immeasurable weight that loss had, but, god, he wanted to take all of it off of Henry’s shoulders so he could breathe again. 

Alex pulled Henry into a hug, whether he wanted it or not, and held him as tight as possible, as if the tighter he held on, the more pain he would be able to take away from Henry. 

“Henry, I–” Alex hesitated. There was no right thing to say. “I’m sorry.” 

Henry didn’t say much else that morning, except for a small goodbye when he left for work, and Alex felt completely helpless. But. He had a stupid idea. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Alex couldn’t believe that he got everybody on the same page for this, but he did. June had complained the whole way, Nora got carsick from doing a crossword puzzle in the backseat, Pez and Henry were positively melting from the heat of the desert sun, but they had made it to Los Angeles without any casualties. His dad’s house had three bedrooms, one for him and the two for June and Alex, but the five had decided Alex and Henry would stay in Alex’s room and the other three would have a week-long sleepover in June’s room. Yes, that’s right, Alex had somehow convinced four people to spend a week with him in California. Well. Maybe June did most of the convincing. 

The first night, Alex and his dad decided to make simple beef and bean tacos for dinner, and they were in the kitchen alone, the chatter of the others drowned out by 90s corridos playing from his dad’s speaker. 

“Take the LSAT yet?” His dad said casually, while warming up the tortillas. 

Alex almost winced. He had not. He needed to take it before the end of July, and it was only the first week of June, but this was not something Alex wanted to procrastinate. He knew he needed to find a test date and just get it over with, but he hadn’t. He shook his head. “Nope. Been busy,” He leaned back against the counter. 

His dad shot him a look and turned his attention back to the food. “Uh-huh,” He said, unconvinced. “Busy with what, again?” 

Alex groaned. “Okay, you got me,” He surrendered. “Mom called me a couple weeks back, told me I wouldn’t be able to work at her firm,” 

“Ouch,” His dad said, half-sarcastically. “Did she say why?” 

“Something about, like, nepotism, and the fact that I have zero experience, and zero interest in corporate law,” Alex aimlessly kicked his foot around. 

“You know what you should do? Call up Raf. He’s still got connections in Austin. He’ll get you a gig like,” He snapped, “that,” 

“Maybe,” Alex paused. “Honestly, I’m not even sure about law school anymore,” 

Oscar turned his head sharply, with wide eyes. “Ay, no, because of your ma? There’s plenty other opportunities, you know,” He looked at Alex for a moment. “Or is there something else?” 

Why did Alex’s family have to be so goddamn observant? The honest truth was, Alex admired Henry for dropping his family’s name. He really did believe that Henry could publish a book, completely independent of his grandmother, and still rake in millions. Alex, on the other hand, wasn’t sure of his own ability. Yes, Alex was smart. Yes, he could realistically achieve anything he put his mind to, if he really wanted it. But, half of the reason he ever wanted to be a lawyer was because of his parents. But, his dad– retired from law, and his mom apparently didn’t even have enough confidence in Alex to offer him any measly position under her.

“I dunno,” Alex stuck a fork into the metal pan of cut-up beef and took a cube to eat. “Can I borrow the truck tonight?” 

“Where you takin’ it?” He raised a brow. 

“I might’ve promised a beach trip,” Alex smiled sheepishly. 

“To who? The Europeans?” Oscar grabbed the pan of beef and began making the plates. 

“Well, yeah,” Alex had promised a beach trip to Henry, who hadn’t been any further west than Texas. Alex wanted to take him at night, when it was less crowded and the waves were quieter. “Um, actually, it’ll just be me and Henry, ‘cause Pez–” 

“Don’t start a lie that you can’t finish,” His dad tsked. 

“What does that even mean?!” 

Oscar’s head flung back as he laughed. “Go ahead and take the truck,” He shook his head. “You two official yet?” 

Alex’s jaw dropped. “How in the fuck–?!” 

“Oh, psh. The way you look at him, the way he looks at you. Young and in love,” He chuckled. 

Alex started to sweat, probably because all 4 burners of the stove were still on. “We’re not. Um, official. We’re not official.”

“Oh?” 

“And, June doesn’t know yet, so–” 

That made his dad laugh like he just told a hilarious joke. The joke was Alex’s life. “If you really think that, you’re calling your sister a fuckin’ idiot,” He laughed throughout his sentence, but eventually calmed down, dramatically wiping tears from his eyes. “But, he’s not your boyfriend yet?” 

“I–” 

“Er, I was sent to grab beer,” Henry said from behind Alex, causing him to yelp. “I did not mean to scare you,” He was holding back a laugh. 

“Where the fuck did you come from?” Alex said, bewildered, and a bit terrified that he had heard something he shouldn’t have. 

“The ..  living room?” Henry pointed behind himself. 

“Shit, that’s what I forgot. I’ll grab some beer tomorrow,” Oscar said, genuinely. 

“Ah. Alright,” Henry gave a nod to Oscar, glancing at Alex and promptly walking back to the living room. 

“Have you brought it up?” His dad said.

“Brought what up?” Alex blinked. 

Oscar rolled his eyes. “You should talk to your sister about it,” He shook his head. He reached to turn down the speaker. “Go bring these to them,” He handed Alex two plates, the maximum amount he could hold before he started dropping things. Each plate had three small soft tacos with salsa verde. Alex walked out to the living room and saw the four already sitting around the living room table, with Henry on the couch and the rest on various chairs. He set down the plates quickly and ran back to the kitchen to grab the next two. He grabbed his own plate and whoever else’s, while his dad followed close behind with the last two.

Alex sat next to Henry and watched intently as he had his first bite of the taco. Henry glanced over to him, “You know I’ve lived in Texas for five years, right? I have had tacos before,” Henry said, with his mouth half-full, but somehow maintaining his dignity. 

“You’ve never had my dad’s cooking,” Alex dipped one of his tacos in the salsa verde and ate it all in one bite. “Do you like it?” 

Henry nodded, already halfway through his second taco, so his answer was already obvious. 

“These are exquisite, thank you, Mr. Diaz,” Pez enthusiastically said and Alex had to hold back a laugh. 

“Mr. Diaz?” His dad chuckled, wiping some salsa off of his mouth. “Call me Oscar, mijo,” 

“I have to second that, these are delicious,” Henry nodded. 

“Alex did half the work, he seasoned all the meat,” Oscar patted Alex’s back. “He deserves some credit,” 

June and Nora ate quietly, which was unusual for the pair, so Alex made a mental note to ask them about it later. “So, you can cook?” Henry playfully remarked. 

“I’ve been trying to tell you! But no, you took her word for it,” Alex pointed to June lazily, who looked up innocently, chewing on her food. 

“I never said that,” She reached over the table to smack Alex on the head. 

“ Ow,” 

“What I said was, I’m a better cook than you,” June leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. 

“Same thing,” Alex huffed. 

They finished dinner with light conversation, four of them heading to their rooms after, while Alex dragged Henry out to the truck. 

“Where are you whisking me away to?” Henry leaned his head back on the headrest, facing towards Alex. Alex glanced at Henry's outfit, tan bermuda shorts paired with a light blue linen button-up, and wondered if he should’ve grabbed swim trunks for him. But then again, Alex was wearing jeans, so they were both outta luck.

“The beach, duh,” Alex said, like it actually answered the question. He had memorized the route to the city of Laguna Beach, it was an hour drive and a long walk to Victoria Beach from the parking spot, so he simply turned the radio to a low volume and drove. Tiny Dancer by Elton John came through the weak speakers, and Alex hummed along quietly as he drove. He looked over at Henry every chance he got, and every time, Henry would be smiling, looking right back.

So he drove the hour, and walked the long walk with Henry along the sandy rocks, and they were sitting in the sand, letting the waves hit their feet, shoes long kicked off. Alex had attacked Henry with kisses, since the beach was empty, and was rewarded with a healthy amount of banter and sand-throwing. At one point, while they were lying down beside each other silently in the sand, Henry stood up. 

“Whatsup? You bored?” Alex said, looking up at Henry. 

Henry shook his head gently. “No,” He looked up at the sky, “The light pollution here is quite awful, isn’t it?” He turned his gaze to Alex. 

“I guess so,” Alex looked up at the dull, greyed night sky. “Wanna stargaze? ‘Cause I can drive you out to Joshua Tree if you wanna see stars,” 

“You must know that I have no idea what Joshua Tree is, but, no, being here is just fine,” Henry smiled wistfully. 

“It’s, like, a national park, so you can see the stars– Okay, it doesn’t really matter, wanna see something cooler than the stars?” Alex got up and grabbed Henry’s hand. 

“Hm, well,” Henry started, but Alex had already begun walking, with the other not protesting. Alex interlocked their fingers and held onto Henry’s hand softly. “Do you know the story of Orion and Artemis?” 

“Tell me?” Alex said, walking slower so Henry could finish his story before they arrived at the other end of the beach. 

“There’s quite a few, but I have a favorite that I’ve accepted as the true story.”

“Well, go on,” Alex insisted. 

Henry paused, gathering his thoughts. “Artemis was a goddess, a goddess of many a thing, and a hunter. She swore herself away from civilization, away from love and desire. Everybody knew to keep their distance from her, as she was a ruthless sharp shooter. Orion was a hunter, the hunter, and he was … unafraid, to say the least. He had heard tales of Artemis, and even with his big ego, he was careful not to cross paths with the goddess. Nevertheless, they ended up meeting on the island of Crete. She was, at first, apprehensive to him, as she was to all mortals. But, when she saw his bravery, his strength, and his beauty, she was lovestruck. They became hunting partners and great friends. Apollo, her brother, watched from afar as they got closer, and he grew jealous. He couldn’t understand why his sister would waste her time on a mortal,” Henry sighed. 

“So, he tricked her. He challenged her to prove that she was the greatest hunter, and she smugly replied, name my target. He pointed to a distant object bobbing up and down in the ocean, and she quickly pulled her bow back, aimed, and shot the target with ease. Apollo was filled with glee, and she tearfully asked, Who did I kill?, and she swam out to the object. She discovers that she had actually shot and killed her beloved Orion, and retrieves his body, heartbroken. Being the Moon Goddess, she brought Orion up to the sky, where he remains as the constellation Orion,” 

“He died?! I was expecting a happy ending!” Alex’s mouth fell agape. 

“Orion always dies at the end,” Henry shrugged. “It’s his fate. Not many Greek myths have happy endings, you know,” 

“I thought you liked stuff with happy endings,” 

“Yes, true. But, you do know I minored in Classical Studies, right? I like Greek mythology, even if it’s often tragic,” 

“Yeah, you told me, I just thought you were gonna tell me a nicer story,” Alex shrugged. 

“Hm.” Henry looked down at the sand. “I’m not sure I know any,” 

“Whatever,” Alex took Henry up the small hill, across the tide pool, and to the pirate tower that sat against the cliffside. “This is what I wanted to show you,” 

Henry looked the concrete tower up and down, and Alex let go of Henry’s hand to walk closer to the tower. He quietly followed behind Alex. 

“You know, I almost died one time, trying to get up close to it,” Alex said casually. 

“Excuse me, you almost died? ” Henry said, aghast. 

“I’m being dramatic, obviously, but,” Alex turned around to lean his back on the stones of the tower, Henry standing in front of him and looking into his eyes. “You can’t get to it during high tide. But I tried anyways, ‘cause, you know me, and I got sucked up by a rip current and didn’t even get that close to it at all,” 

“Couldn’t you have just … come back when it was low tide?” Henry tilted his head. 

“Yeah, but,” Alex kicked his foot around aimlessly. “I dunno. It was an impulsive decision, I guess I felt like I needed to do it,” He looked down at the sand, an embarrassed smile on his face. “It was stupid, and part of me knew it was impossible, and I still did it,” 

Henry stepped closer and held Alex’s face in his hands, and kissed him like it was the last time he could, gently pushing Alex against the stone bricks. Alex lightly pushed him away to break the kiss. “You don’t think we’re like a tragic Greek love story, do you?” 

Henry furrowed his eyebrows and hesitated. “What do you mean? We’re hardly a love story at all,” He chuckled weakly. 

About a million thoughts raced through Alex’s mind before he landed on: “Right, yeah, I just meant, like,” He ran his hands down his face. “I don’t know,” Alex forced a laugh. “Just forget it,” He smiled, pulling Henry in for a kiss as the rest of the world faded into the background.

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

The day before they left California, Alex and June were alone in his bedroom, and they were sharing a cup of mini oreos on his bed. The rest were listening to music in the backyard. Alex was wearing his glasses as June sat across from him.

“Dad said you have something to tell me,” She said, plopping a cookie in her mouth. 

Alex groaned. “Why would he say that?” He said to himself. “Okay. But. You have to promise not to be mad.” 

“Oh my god, don’t be so dramatic. What?” 

Alex took a deep breath. “I’m–” 

“You’re fucking Henry.” June sputtered out laughter. 

“What?!” Alex’s jaw dropped. “I was gonna say that I’m bi!” 

“And that you’re sleeping with Henry, right?” June looked satisfied with herself. 

“Did Nora tell you?” Alex flopped backwards on the bed. 

“No. Wait, so you told Nora and Dad before you told me?” June frowned. 

“I care about your opinion!” Alex sheepishly admitted. “That’s why I didn’t tell you first, and, I need your advice about something,” 

“Of course you do,” She said, lying back next to Alex. 

“I really like Henry,” 

“I can tell,” June said earnestly. “He really likes you, too, you know. He’s always asking me about you, always talking about you–” She sounded like she was about to start singing the sittin-in-a-tree rhyme. 

“ Anyway ,” Alex pushed June’s face away jokingly. “I wanna ask him to be my boyfriend. But every time I try, I chicken out,” 

“You? Chickening out? Damn, you really like this guy,”

“That’s what I said,” Alex deadpanned. 

“Have you guys talked about your relationship? Like, boundaries?”

“Uh. I dunno. We’re casual.” Alex looked up at the ceiling. 

“So, no. Ugh,” June shook her head. “You haven’t talked about wanting to build your relationship at all?” 

“No. I didn’t think I had to,” Alex realized how dumb that sounded as he said it. “I’m scared, I guess. I’ve never felt this way about someone before,” He turned his head towards her. 

“Do you love him?” June smiled widely at the idea. 

“What? No. We’ve only been ‘together’ for like … since my birthday, so two months,” Alex turned his head to look up at the ceiling again. 

“But you’ve known him long enough to fall in love with him,” June was way too giddy about this. Alex paused for a moment. Technically she was right, but, wasn’t love more like Romeo and Juliet, kissing in the rain, and Greek tragedies? Henry and Alex were … hardly a love story at all.

“No,” Alex shook his head. “I’m not in love,” He sat up and looked down at June. “Some day? Sure, maybe, but right now, I just wanna make things between us official,” He plopped a mini oreo in his mouth. “How did you and Nora do it?” 

June rested her hands behind her head. “Honestly, my answer isn’t gonna help you,” She looked at Alex, who was giving her puppy-dog eyes, so she sighed and continued. “From the beginning, we talked about what we wanted from the relationship,” She sat up, stealing a cookie from Alex’s fingers. “Just tell Henry what you want,”

“What if–”

“What if?” June rolled her eyes lightheartedly. “When have you ever not wanted to speak your mind? It’s kinda your specialty,” 

“I don’t know!” Alex ran a hand through his hair and set his glasses down on the nightstand. “I’ll talk to him after we get back to Austin,” He took the entire cup of mini Oreos while June looked at him, unconvinced. “I promise, okay?” He walked out of the room, June following behind, and went to the sunny backyard to enjoy his last day in paradise. 

✶  ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ✶

Alex was losing his mind. He needed to register for the LSAT, like, yesterday, and he had been procrastinating buying a window A/C so his apartment was on fire, and he was still trying to ignore the part of his brain that was screaming at him to just talk to Henry. He’d been spending a lot of time at Henry’s apartment, yes, but in the two weeks since the California trip, he hadn’t fulfilled his promise to June. He couldn’t look at Henry without thinking of how badly he wanted to call Henry his, and only his, but he was seriously a chicken. But today, he promised himself, he would finally just pop the big question: Wanna date for real? 

He spent his morning shower thinking about what he was gonna say, tried to style his curls so they wouldn’t be distractingly frizzy, and slid his glasses on so he could truly look Henry in the eyes today. Alex practically sped-walk to Henry’s apartment, not bothering to send him a text, and knocked on the door incessantly upon arrival. Henry opened the door, looking as if he had just woken up. His hair was messy, he was shirtless, only wearing pajama pants. Alex could die. He fought the urge to pounce Henry and walked into the apartment, giving him a quick kiss and walking to the couch. 

“Er, hello,” Henry swiveled around, following Alex to the couch. Alex paced for a moment before planting himself on the couch. Gesturing an invite to Henry, he swallowed hard and tried to gather his thoughts one last time. 

“How did I not know you wore glasses?” Henry sat down next to Alex, wrapping a gentle arm around him. Alex chuckled sheepishly, looking down, resting his elbows on his knees, and swung his head back to look at Henry. 

“We need to talk,” Alex blurted, trying to move this along as fast as possible. 

“Oh?” Henry turned his body towards Alex. 

“Yeah, um,” Alex bounced his leg. “If you don’t like what I say, it’s fine, we can just forget about it, okay?” He looked into Henry’s eyes, and Henry nodded. “Okay, um,” Alex tried to shake off his nerves. “I really like you. Y’know, um. I think you’re funny, and you’re brilliant, and I think there’s so much more to you that I don’t know yet. And I wanna know everything. I wanna know everything there is to know about you. Because I like you, and um,” Alex nervously bit at his lip. “I want you to be my boyfriend, basically, is what I’m saying, so um, if you don’t want that, I get it, so we can totally just–” And Alex was cut off by Henry giving him a soft kiss. 

“For fuck’s sake,” Henry laughed and covered his face with his hands before looking at Alex again. Alex was worried that he horribly miscalculated and Henry was laughing in his face for suggesting such a ridiculous thing, but, “Yes, you imp, I’ll be your boyfriend,” Henry kissed Alex once again, and Alex could feel the smile on his face. Alex kissed back with all the passion he had in him. He had a million things he probably should’ve been worrying about, but it all faded away when he heard that yes from Henry. Alex pulled back, mostly because his glasses kept hitting Henry, and he couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. 

“You’re stuck with me forever now, you know that, right?” Alex softly laughed. 

“Unfortunately,” Henry shook his head and pulled Alex in for another kiss, and suddenly nothing else mattered except for the smell of Earl Grey tea, soft minty lips, and the crook of Henry’s waist where Alex’s hand fit perfectly.