Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dawn approaches on the day that Natalie plans to put Coach Scott out of his misery. In one world, she succeeds. Today, she won't. 

She doesn't know that yet.

Natalie just knows that she's a girl on a mission. Unfortunately, she's a girl on a mission who's been spotted by the ex boyfriend that she's been avoiding for months. If this were a different time, Natalie would be ecstatic to see Travis by himself. Earlier when she’d left him to Lottie… it had been a mistake. He was a mess, she had to lead them, and Lottie was the only one willing to help. He was drinking her Wilderness Kool-Aid again after they ate Javi, the only way that he could hold onto his meager shreds of sanity. 

She would love to talk to him after he seemed more… lucid. Now that the burden of leadership is seeming less and less like something she’s supposed to bear. 

Instead of any of that, he demands to know what she’s doing, as though he doesn’t already know. 

“C’mon, Trav,” she says, “you don’t believe this shit.” The “anymore” goes unspoken. He bites his lip in confirmation. 

She feels a manic grin split her face as she raises a hand to point at him. “I KNEW IT! You don’t!” 

His face contorts in anger. “I don’t know, okay!?!” Then he curses under his breath, digging his nails into the meat of his palm. 

“I just-” he lets out a huff of air, “if you do this, they’ll kill you.” 

Nat laughs. “C’mon? Kill me? Over this shit?” 

“We were gonna shoot Coach in the head,” he tells her, “and no one thought he did it. Now? With Shauna on a warpath? You really think she’ll ignore this?” 

Nat stares “Really? She’s the one that said we should burn him! She’d be thrilled I finally did him in.” 

Travis frowns. “The others won’t.”

Nat rolls her eyes. “Trav-” 

“What will they think when you take way their hope? When Shauna says you need to pay?!?” 

“They’re my teammates!” Nat protests. They wouldn’t; they couldn’t!

It’s Travis’s turn to laugh at her. “Didn’t stop them the first time.” He pauses. “Or the next.” 

He’s right, of course. It didn’t stop the hunt. It didn’t stop the chaos after Shauna attacked Mari. When Misty betrayed her trust, when Taissa put her on the stand, when Lottie sided with Shauna over their own reason and brought enough of the group along with her. Brought Travis with her. 

“So what?” Nat demands, “we keep force feeding him? Leave him out there in his own shit til he dies of dysentery?” 

“Just… wait.” 

She laughs nervously. “Wait for what? A miracle?” 

“Yeah.” 

She rolls her eyes. “You might have Lottie fooled, but not me. You let her get you high to get away from your guilt. When shit got too much, suddenly Akilah’s It’s favorite.” Her look turns sharp as Shauna’s knife. 

“How’s it feel?” Nat demands, “Pushing Lottie’s bullshit on someone else? Putting them in danger?” 

Travis’s look turns sour- the warning that he’s about to get mean too. “What else was I supposed to do, huh? You left me to her!” The accusation comes out sharp as a broken bottle. It’s not a lie, either. Nat had left Travis to her, like rehoming a pet.  He was just so broken, so grief-stricken. She couldn’t look at him when she had people to save. Lottie offered to help; Travis accepted. What else was she supposed to do? Keeping them alive was on her. She couldn’t play nurse, and if it kept Travis relatively safe and kept Lottie from harassing the others… well. It was efficient. Nat couldn’t have done anything else. 

“You know what?” Travis says, “I don’t care. Get us both killed, Natalie. Fucking go for it.” He storms off, not bothering to look back. Nat could go after him, keep talking to him after these months of painful, mutual silence… Or she could go put Ben out of his misery. 

While she has an obligation to Ben, he’s already been in the animal pen for months. He’ll still be there tomorrow night. Travis, however, is finally talking to her. He still cares! Looking at him right now doesn’t even feel like she’s killing Javi again. 

She’s only human, which means that she hurries after Travis and some kind of absolution. Maybe she can spend a night in his arms before they go back to pretending that the other one doesn’t exist.

Chapter Text

In one universe, the Yellowjackets wake up to Coach Ben’s corpse this morning. They fight and they mourn, and Shauna and Lottie wrest control of the situation away from the others. Shauna makes Natalie butcher his body. Then, they prepare the feast that Edwin the frog scientist stumbles upon. Lottie puts an ax through his head, and they capture Hannah and Kodiak. 

In this timeline, though, there’s no corpse for the girls to discover in the morning. Even though he wallows in his filth with all the will to live of a corpse, Coach Ben is still demonstrably, pathetically, alive. 

Travis doesn’t wake up in his hammock or in the hut he shares with Lottie when the weather doesn't permit him to sleep outside. He wakes up in Natalie’s. He knows that he needs to get up, needs to go back to one of the places that Lottie expects him- 

But Nat has wrapped her entire body around him like a koala, and he’s only human. He doesn’t move a muscle until Natalie wakes up… significantly after dawn. 

“Oh shit,” Nat says, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, “how long was I out?” 

“Hours,” Travis tells her.

She takes her other arm off of him, moves until she’s not touching him at all anymore. He tries not to flinch at the loss of contact. 

She frowns as she asks him, “So everyone knows?” 

“Yeah,” Travis admits. He should have gone back to his place, should have kept Nat’s reputation. Shauna’s already calling her weak- fighting her on every front. She wrested the vote away from Nat, and Travis helped her. How is this going to look? How will the rest of them use it against Natalie?

“I’m sorry," he says, " I should have left-” 

Nat’s face scrunches up in displeasure. She leans back against him, looking up at him with an accusation. “Left?” 

“I just-” Travis feels the shame settle over him, “I don’t want them to use this against you.” 

Nat rolls her eyes. “I almost took out their “bridge home”. You really think I can’t handle the shit they’ll give me about getting back with my ex?” Getting back with? 

Travis looks down at her hopefully. “You want to be back? For real?” 

Nat tackles him onto the furs and smirks down at him. “Does that answer your question?” 

They spend hours together in Nat’s hut, naked and lazy and loving. Hands down each others’ pants, tongues down each other’s throats-

It’s only when they catch the smell of roasting meat that they decide they have to get up. Mari is making lunch, and if they don’t catch lunch then they won’t be able to eat until dinner. With growling, empty stomachs and the memory of starvation still so fresh… Neither one is willing to risk that. 

They get dressed, leave the hut, and prepare for copious teasing. Van’s the first one to make a joke, Taissa riffs off of it, and then Mari complains about not getting to make a joke first since she was busy cooking for everyone. Robin and Britt both take a stab at them after that. Akilah jokingly congratulates him, Gen makes a quip, even Misty tries to make one. It doesn’t land well, but Nat gives her a pity laugh. She’s always been kind to Misty that way.

The only people who don’t try to are Lottie, Shauna, and Melissa. Knowing Melissa, he’s sure that she wants to but is trying to keep Shauna happy. Really, Shauna and Lottie are the only ones who don’t want to joke about the development. It’s hard for Shauna to joke about much of anything, and Travis doesn’t blame her. It would be more awkward than anything, coming from her.

Lottie, though… That might mean that she’s upset with him. They’ve been a package deal for months, and now everyone knows about something concerning him before she does. Of course that’s hurtful. 

The rest of the group splits off steadily as they finish up their food. Travis sits by Nat for the first time since they- since- 

Travis is still sitting by by Natalie. She doesn’t leave until everyone has left but Lottie. She glances cautiously at the other girl, who stares onward with the blankness that he sometimes thinks is divine. Right now, he just thinks it looks sad.

“I need to go check on the others,” Nat tells him, “do you want to come?” It’s an out, of course. Do you want me to keep you away from Lottie? 

“Thanks,” he tells her, “but I promised Akilah and Lot I’d help them. You know, cave stuff.” Stuff that he's not sure he believes in anymore, stuff that he dragged Akilah into to spare himself suffering- He can’t let Lottie send Akilah in there without him there; no amount of doubt will change that. 

Nat nods hesitantly. “Okay, I’ll see you tonight?” Travis manages a single, stiff nod and Nat smiles as she heads off to check on her other subjects. Lottie doesn’t come over to him, doesn’t even glance his way. She just keeps staring into space. 

He makes his way over to her. What is he going to say, exactly? What does he owe her? Minder and torturer, prophet and friend? Roommate that he didn’t tell he was going to leave to sleep with his ex girlfriend? 

He starts with, “I’m sorry.” And he is. As much as he resents her, Lottie is… Lottie. He doesn’t want to hurt her. Not really. “It just kind of happened-” 

Lottie finally turns to look at him, then. An eyebrow raises slightly. “No apologies. I’m glad you’re back with Nat.” 

Travis frowns. “You… are?” Lottie has been possessive since they started their… arrangement. The only person she’s truly approved of him interacting with recently has been Akilah, and that's for religious reasons.

“I am,” Lottie confirms, “The Wilderness wants you and Nat to be together.” Oh. This is for religious reasons too. Travis feels something awful settle in his stomach, but he forces a nod. Anything to end this conversation. 

She reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder, looking deep into his eyes. “The queen needs her consort.” She squeezes his shoulder for a moment before she gestures towards Akilah’s animal pens.  She doesn’t even need to say anything to guarantee that he follows her.

He feels a blush creep over his cheeks, looking down at his feet. The blood isn’t just rushing to his face, so he starts moving before it can saddle him with a humiliating boner.

The queen needs her consort.  Again, he feels that warm glow of being wanted and kept- treasured. It's not real, though, so The Wilderness can't say that he belongs to Nat. It can’t It can’t It can’t- no matter how much he might want that. 

Today, he just has to keep Lottie happy and keep Akilah safe. Then, he can retreat into Nat’s arms. He refuses to worry about the guy who gave him a comical pile of condoms all those months ago that he’ll have to see rotting in the animal pen today, that he’ll have to force-feed again in a few days- that Natalie will keep thinking she needs to put out of his misery. He won't think about how maybe he should have just let her. 

Those are worries for a different time. Right now, he has to make sure that he doesn't pop a fucking boner and get through another day of facilitating Akilah huffing gas.

Chapter Text

Akilah normally likes when Mari joins her in the pens after a meal. Mari will help her clean out the cages and gather eggs, and they’ll have fun chatting about whatever new gossip is going around the camp. Today after lunch, the gossip is scorching hot. Travis and Natalie back together? No one expected that. 

When they’ve gotten far enough from the huts that the others can’t hear them, Mari starts commiserating. “So, does Natalie fucking Travis into next week mean you get the day off oracle duties?” 

Akilah stifles a cackle. “No!

Mari frowns. “Why not? Seems like he wouldn’t be any help today. The guy seems more out of it than when he spent two months high.” 

Akilah swats her affectionately. “Ma-ri!” 

Mari smiles as they finally get to the pens, looking over which animals need attention. Her eyes catch on Coach Scott. Akilah politely looks away. Mari, however, just keeps staring at the elephant in the animal pen. Akilah needs to do something to get her friend back, ASAP. 

She brings her voice down to a whisper and asks, “Do you think they still have that pile of condoms?” Mari was snooping through Nat’s stuff once that first fall to see if she still had any booze hidden, and she found like. A mountain of condoms. Akilah wonders if they could still have any of those after the fire? 

“I hope so,” Mari says, starting toward the duck pens to gather eggs, “we can’t handle another… you know.” Shauna’s screams fill her memories, Travis drawing his own blood, she and Misty delivering an emaciated little body that was never, ever going to live- 

“I just hope they don’t break up again,” Akilah says, “they’re always surly afterwards.” She likes the Travis that she has now. She doesn’t really want to deal with a Travis who just got his heart broken again. 

“Surly?” Mari asks, “try un- fucking -bearable.” Akilah giggles as she gathers an egg from the last nest. They place the rest of the eggs together in the basket. 

“What next?” Mari asks, looking over the other pens. 

“Cleaning goat manure.” 

“Ewwwww,” Mari says, “let’s talk about which couple does what sex position instead!”

“MARI!” 

“I think Shauna, like, makes Melissa eat her out all the time, and Melissa's into it.” Akilah feels her cheeks heat up. “And I bet Nat and Travis sixty nine-” Akilah bites down a laugh as she hears a sound by the footpath. Oh shit.

“Mari,” Akilah scolds, “we gotta stop. Travis and Lottie will be here soon.”

“Hm,” Mari says, “I wonder if Nat and Lottie’ll have to have a custody battle over Travis now.”

“They’ll hear!” Akilah whispers. 

Mari just grins. “What are they gonna do? Talk me to death? Lottie can’t even hear It anymore.” 

“That’s not her fault,” Akilah defends. 

Mari’s face turns serious all of a sudden. “It is her fault she’s got you huffing gas in a cave twice a week!” 

Akilah sighs. “I’m not “huffing gas”. I’m communing with the Wilderness. That’s how we found out that Coach will get us home.” She gestures toward Coach and the pile of his own waste that he’s wallowing in, just to hammer her point home.

Mari’s eyes trace the line over to Coach. A look of disgust passes her face, and then it turns to guilt. “Kiki... How long are we gonna keep him like this?” 

“Until he gets us home,” Akilah says. 

Mari’s guilty look turns frustrated. “Girl. You haven’t seen anything in months. What if this doesn’t work?” She makes a big gesture towards their comatose coach in his pile of human feces. 

Akilah doesn’t look over. She’s refused to look at him closely since they imprisoned the man in her animal pens. Keeping him alive… that’s not her job. She takes care of the animals. She has visions. Those duties are enough for her to worry about. She can't worry about Coach's welfare. (He never worried about theirs.)

“It will work,” Akilah promises, “We just have to have faith.” That’s the sort of thing that Laura Lee used to tell them. Some of the others thought it was silly, but Akilah always admired how sure of her faith Laura Lee was. Akilah wants to be more like her. 

“Kiki, c’mon,” Mari says, “you can’t even look at the guy. You know this is fucked up!” 

Akilah feels the indignation rise up in her chest. “Don’t you think he deserves it? He kidnapped you?!?” Akilah was so worried that second night Mari was gone that she couldn’t sleep. She was sure that if she took a wrong step then she would step on her best friend’s corpse. 

“Like, don’t get me wrong,” Mari concedes, “I’m still kinda pissed about that, but this… this is-” 

“Necessary,” Akilah reminds her. 

Mari bites her lip. “We keep saying this is gonna get us home, but what if it isn’t? What if this is just some, like, sick trick? Like with my cousin?” Akilah remembers the story about Mari and her cousin from the first few months they were stuck out here, when they were talking about the worst things to ever happen to them before This One.

Mari’s little cousin died right in front of her, right when they thought she was getting a little better. “Mari-” 

Mari reaches out and takes her hand. “What if we’re just like, giving you brain damage? They always told us not to huff Sharpies, what the hell is this doing to you?” 

“I’m fine!” Akilah snaps. Mari sends her a look of pity, and Akilah feels like a cornered animal. (She hasn’t felt like this since the Hunt.) “You’re just mad It picked me.” Mari was one of the first to start following Lottie. She was the one that got Akilah to start going to the prayer circle. Of course she’d be jealous that It chose Akilah over her. 

Mari cackles at that. “Holy shit! She’s got you so bad right now.” 

“Fuck off, Mari,” Akilah mutters. Mari glances over to the man that didn’t help them deliver Shauna’s stillborn, the man that didn’t have to cradle the dead infant in his arms- and then she leaves. 

Travis and Lottie don’t show up for another twenty minutes. Akilah spends the whole time steaming mad as she shovels goat manure. Once they arrive, Lottie wastes no time before poking into Akilah's clear frustration.

“You seem upset?” Lottie asks. Akilah likes Lottie. Sometimes she values her wisdom. She does not, however, trust her. 

“It’s nothing.” 

Lottie raises a subtle eyebrow. “Nothing?” She’s not going to stop until she has something. 

“A little fight with Mari,” Akilah admits. 

Lottie frowns. “Little fights can be big out here.” Akilah remembers Jackie and Shauna’s fight the night before they found her frozen corpse. 

“We won’t let it get that bad,” Akilah promises. They won’t even have long enough for it to get that bad. They’re going home soon. Akilah can feel it.  "Let's just go. I want to keep our schedule." Lottie doesn't seem satisfied, but she starts to lead the way for their little group field trip.

Once Lottie makes her way over to the cave and they're making the final preparations, Travis brings up his own concerns.

“Are you okay?” Travis demands, “like, really okay?” 

Akilah rolls her eyes. “I’m fine, Travis.” She tries not to be too annoyed by the question. This isn't the sexism that it might have been right after they crashed. This is just Travis being an older brother with no one left to worry over except for her. 

He bites his lip. “Okay, but- you know the drill, right? You need help, pull.” Akilah nods. Then she makes her way into the cave. 

It starts the way that it always does: with the real, stone walls of the cave and the smell of sulfur. It takes a minute or so of walking for reality to blend into vision. The vision this time turns into a scene of her favorite corner of the forest, right by her animal pens. The trees stand tall and proud above the ground. She takes a deep breath, the stench of sulfur shifting to the aroma of fresh pine. Then, the trees start screaming. Akilah reaches for her ears, trying to stop the wailing from destroying her hearing. The ground starts to spin around her, or maybe just the trees, and suddenly she’s fallen to the ground, looking up at the bright blue sky. 

The trees have not stopped screaming. She forces herself to sit up, running face first into the bottom of a tree trunk. She lets out a curse, and the sound of the trees just gets louder. 

“STOP!” she shouts, loud and long and angry. The screaming doesn’t stop, but it does quiet down enough for her to think. She looks ahead, wondering if she can spot something new. All she sees is the bottom bark of an evergreen tree. The bark at the base swirls and congeals together, forming a small figure shaped like... a frog? The minor differences in the color of the wood swarm together, forming a darker ridge along the head and the feet. Each foot sports a light dot at the end of each toe. The frog’s belly bleaches white. The eyes emerge with a light area surrounding large, black pupils. 

A frog? That’s almost as silly as the llama. Akilah giggles as she reaches out to pick it up. The frog hops into her cupped hands. His texture isn’t smooth or moist like most amphibians; he still feels rough and dry as the dry bark he came from. 

She smiles down at him. “You’re like Pinocchio!”

The frog huffs. Then, in a voice just like the llama’s he says, “Is that the best you’ve got?” 

“What?” 

“All the jokes in the world, and you choose that one? Couldn’t even combine our names?” He flicks his tongue out, hitting her on the nose with it. “Why didn’t I get the funny one?” 

“Hey,” Akilah protests, “this isn’t funny. It’s serious!” 

The frog laughs. “I know. It’s so bad the trees are screaming.” 

“I know,” Akilah tells him, “can you make them stop?” The frog puffs out his cheeks and lets out a loud croak! It bleeds into the sound of the screaming until it gets louder and louder aND LOUDER-

“STOP!” Akilah orders. 

"Do you want it to stop?” the frog asks, tilting its head up at her. “Or do you want to go home?” 

She wants it to stop, but- “I want to go home.” If she has to choose, she chooses home. She can listen to screaming for the rest of her life if she can see her family again. 

“You do?” he asks. Akilah nods. The frog leaps from her hands onto her shoulder.

“When the trees scream,” the frog orders directly into her ear, “ scream with them .” 

She frowns. “Scream with them?” He doesn’t respond. Instead, he takes in a breath of air, puffing out his cheeks. All of the color bleaches from his body, turning the whites of his eyes a deep black. The frog opens his mouth, and his body explodes along with the scream. 

A moment later, Akilah wakes up lying on the forest floor. She’s panting for air, grasping at the blades of grass. Be present, she tells herself, we hear the Wilderness, and It hears us. 

She feels a hand on her shoulder and turns toward it. Travis is looking down at her with relief, murmuring something she doesn’t understand. 

Lottie just stares down at her like a disapproving teacher. “What did you see?”

Travis traces circles into her shoulder. “Give her a sec, Lot. Takes a while to get oriented.” 

Lottie just keeps staring “Akilah. What did you see?” Sometimes, Akilah gets frustrated with how demanding Lottie can be. Today, however, she doesn’t mind. Not when she finally has the right answer to Lottie's pop quiz. 

“A way home,” Akilah starts. Then, she spins a tale that she believes will end in rescue.

Chapter Text

It’s been half the day since Travis, Lottie and Akilah left on their acid tripping adventure. Honestly, Natalie is starting to worry. Mari is almost done cooking dinner, and the sun has started to set. If the Cave Crew aren’t back by the time dinner is served, Natalie is going to eat her portion quickly, grab a torch and take to the route to search for them. Misty is regaling Natalie with her new ideas for how to get Ben his nutrients. 

Natalie isn't listening closely enough to catch the idea. All she hears is, “This will be more humane than force-feeding him! It’ll be more comfortable!” 

Natalie sighs. “He’s lying in his own shit, Misty. How comfortable could it be?” 

Misty frowns at the retort, but Natalie doesn’t pay her any mind. She should have just put Ben out of his misery last night without letting Travis get to her. This lecture from Misty is just another reminder that Ben doesn’t have anything to look forward to: just indefinite pain and degradation. 

“When we’re rescued,” Misty assures her, “we’ll get him the biggest, fluffiest teddy bear the world’s ever seen!” 

Natalie cackles, her guilt taking a big, bloody bite out of her heart. “Sure, Misty. That’ll make up for the hell we put him through.” Misty pouts, opens her mouth to retort, then closes it again. It makes her look so pathetic that Natalie wants to apologize, even though she knows she shouldn’t. Misty’s done this to Ben as much as she has, as much as any of them have. Instead of Ben wallowing in his own shit, they should all be wallowing in their guilt. 

Taissa, for prosecuting him. Shauna, for pushing the others into convicting him. Travis, for changing his vote at her taunting. Lottie and Akilah, for insisting he be kept alive. Melissa, for cutting his Achilles. Natalie, for not just saving him from all of this last night like she’d planned- 

Natalie watches as the girls start to fill the communal area outside the huts for dinner. Tai and Van cuddle up by the fire. Robin and Britt drag Gen into a heated conversation. Shauna emerges from her hut, clutching Mel’s hand like a trophy. Shauna smirks over at the line of hickeys that she sucked along her girlfriend’s neck. Natalie doesn't mean to stare, but Shauna catches her anyway. 

“Jealous?” Shauna taunts. 

“Of what?” Natalie asks, “a couple hickeys?” 

Shauna rolls her eyes, threading her fingers even tighter with Melissa’s. “That I don’t have to share.” Melissa preens under the attention, and Natalie feels that familiar frustration settle over her.

“Fuck off, Shipman,” Natalie mutters. 

“I bet that’s why the three of them are late,” Shauna taunts, "they're too busy sharing him, taking turns with his mouth-"

“Shauna,” Tai threatens, “that’s enough .” Melissa suddenly looks less flattered by the attention and more embarrassed that her girlfriend’s making a scene. Shauna, luckily, mutters something softly to her and they go take their own spots. Natalie can't even muster any anger about the disgusting comment. She probably should, but she's just so tired by this point that she can't manage. 

Mari emerges from her cooking with a spoon and a smile. “Okay, so. I tried something new with the herbs today. I hope everyone likes it!” If anyone doesn’t and actually tells her, that means that Mari will memorize who it was and what the dish was. Then, she’ll serve the meal whenever she’s pissed off at that person in particular.

Mari’s eyes scan the group, then settle on Natalie with concern. “Where’s Akilah?” Natalie’s eyes dart back over to Shauna, who’s about to open her mouth, no doubt to make another objectifying comment about Travis.

“They haven’t gotten back yet!” Natalie tells her quickly, “If they aren’t back by the time I finish eating, I’ll go out searching.” Mari nods hesitantly. She doesn’t, however, offer to join. 

“I’ll help!” Misty volunteers. Natalie has had quite enough of Misty Quigley today. She can't manage anymore.

“You don’t need to do that.” 

“No one goes alone!” Misty protests, “remember what happened to Mari last time?” 

Natalie flinches. “I don’t think Mari wants to relive that.” 

Mari just shrugs. “It’s over. Let’s just eat!” The others take that as the invitation it is and make their way over to serve themselves. Natalie jerks her head towards the footpath as she hears something in the trees. It’s too faint to tell yet, but she hopes that it’s them coming back.

It’s only once they all have their food and have started eating around the fire that the others emerge. Akilah leads the trio with a stunning smile, flanked by a pleased Lottiee and a contrite Travis. 

“Akilah!” Taissa says warmly, “you had us worried.” 

“Sorry,” she replies, “it took a little longer than normal. But... we have good news!” The others don’t let her finish before they start chattering about possibilities. Everyone looks so excited. It leaves a shameful feeling in Natalie’s stomach. 

“Today,” Akilah continues, “I had a vision that could lead us home.” Oh fuck, that shame is turning to nausea. Visions and rituals and symbols- they all lead to card draws and contests and crownings and trials and botched executions gang rapes and ritualistic maimings- 

Nat digs her fingernails into her palms, hoping that can keep her quiet. She startles as she feels a hand on her shoulder, then turns around and sees Mari Ibarra looking down at her. 

There’s a pleading look on Mari's face as she says, “Help me get them some food. I need some more hands.” Natalie just stares at her. She wants her to what? 

“Just come on!” Mari demands, grabbing Natalie by the forearm. A minute later, Mari has dragged her back to the fire where she still has the stew simmering. 

“Uh,” Natalie says, “what was so urgent about the stew?” 

“IT’S NOT ABOUT THE STEW!” Mari snaps.

Nat flinches back for a moment before she says, “Ohhhhh kaaaayyy?” 

“And people say I’m the stupid one,” Mari mutters. 

“Don’t be a bitch, Mar,” Natalie says, rolling her eyes, “ what do you want? ” 

Lottie’s voice rings out confident and excited through the camp. “Akilah listened to the Wilderness! She knows what It wants!” Mari grimaces. 

“Oh,” Nat says, “that?” She’d think Mari would be used to that by now. 

“YES!” Mari hisses, “That!?! Aren’t you upset too? You don’t believe in It?!?!” It’s not a question, just a statement. Everyone knows that Nat doesn’t believe. 

Instead of denying that, Nat says, “I thought you did?” 

Mari’s look is harrowed. “Yeah, I did .” 

“Did?” 

“Now I just- with what they’re doing to Coach? With Akilah giving herself brain damage?” She bites her lip. “I just can’t anymore.” 

Natalie nods. She doesn’t understand a loss of faith, but she understands a lack of it. Mari can’t anymore? Natalie never could. That’s similar enough, right? Common ground. 

“How do you deal with this?” Mari asks. What does she mean by “this”? Does she mean what they’re all doing to Ben? Travis following Lottie? Eating Jackie and Javi? The guilt about letting it all happen? Then she realizes it doesn’t even matter. The answer to every version of the question is “I don’t.” 

Mari just stares. “Why are you lying?” That makes an angry, defensive little thing rear up in her stomach. 

“Lying?” Nat demands, “why the fuck would I lie?” 

“Because you’re fine,” Mari says, “we’re falling apart, and you’re fine. ” 

Natalie is suddenly reminded of why she and Mari were never really friends. “Sure. Whatever, Mar. I’m fine. We’ve been stuck here a year, and I’m fine .” She grabs for a bowl and pours some stew into it for Travis. 

“Wait,” Mari says, “are you leaving?” 

“Yeah,” Natalie says, “I’m just a liar, right? You don’t need my help.” 

“Natalie!” Mari calls. Natalie, for her part, doesn’t look back at Mari gaping beside the pot. She might have seen the frustration and fear in the girl’s eyes if she did, but she doesn’t. Instead, she thinks about her own anger. Mari helped make all of this happen. She’s the one that led them all to Ben. She’s the one that helped Lottie make them into a fucking trees cult. Now Mari cares about someone? Now that Akilah’s out there frying her brain twice a week? 

No one cared when it was Travis. (Not even Natalie.)

Chapter Text

Travis doesn’t take a seat as Akilah regales the group with the tale of her vision, the sky just starting to darken. He doesn’t listen, either. Just sort of… stands there. Dazed. Waiting. 

Suddenly, Lottie is talking instead. Akilah is grabbing him by the elbow. 

“Come sit with us!” she implores, gesturing with her head towards Gen, Robin, and Britt. Travis bites his lip. He really likes Akilah, but he doesn’t think he can listen to her excited chatter about her “vision” the way that she wants. He would much rather slide into Nat’s side, where people forget he exists. 

“You have fun,” he tells her, “I’m gonna wait for Nat.” Akilah broadcasts her hurt across her face for only a second before she gets it under control. 

“Of course!” Britt chirps, “you guys just got back together. Bet you’re back in the honeymoon phase!” 

Robin giggles, knocking her shoulder against Britt's. “God, remember that first time Allie and Brandon got back together? They were all over each other for like two weeks!" Travis laughs and forces a nod. It’s not like the statement is wrong, really. He and Nat are back together. Travis can’t get enough of her: touch, voice, smile, everything. 

Akilah’s face scrunches up in disgust. “Don’t remind me.” Then Travis makes his way over to an empty spot by the campfire. As the leader, Natalie put herself in charge of manning the flames ages ago. She’s not going to want to change her routine just because they’re together again. 

Lottie keeps going on with her speech about Akilah’s vision, how hope is on the horizon, the trees just waiting to start screaming and somehow lead them home. She drags his name into it, of course, but Travis just tunes her out. Instead, he watches the horizon as the light from the sun bleeds away, leaving only their faces illuminated with firelight. 

Soon, Nat will be back. They’ll eat and whisper forbidden skepticism. The trees will remain blissfully silent. He’s only ever heard them while he was high, after all, and he’s not planning on getting high again- maybe ever. 

None of this is real. It’s just some kind of group psychosis he only sometimes buys into… and he’s fucking done with it. He can be done with it, right? If he talks Akilah out of being Lottie’s surrogate, gets them both to leave that behind… he’ll be okay, right? Now that he’s back with Nat, his position can’t still be so tenuous. She’s their queen and he's hers. Or… that’s not quite right, is it? If he doesn’t believe in the Wilderness, there’s nothing that makes Natalie the queen. (Nothing that makes him her consort.) He finds he doesn’t like the idea of that part being made up. 

Travis is pulled out of those thoughts when Nat sets a bowl of soup on the ground in front of him. Lottie is still preaching her sermon, which means that Nat is extra quiet as she asks him, “What did I miss?” 

“Not much,” he says softly, “Akilah just saw something. They’ve been recapping it.” It feels like when the news back home got caught on a stupid little detail and blew that up into a week’s worth of stories. 

Nat laughs. “Ooooohhhhhkay.” Something about that reaction upsets him. Travis doesn’t believe anymore, not really, but he understands why Lottie and Akilah are making such a big deal out of this. 

“It was really vivid, Nat. Specific.” 

She frowns. “Don’t tell me you’re back on their bullshit.” 

“No,” Travis denies, “it’s just… It gave Akilah directions, you know? For how to get us home.” 

“Last time that was keeping Coach prisoner, Trav,” she reminds him, “what could It want this time?” 

“Just,” he starts, but the words die on his lips. The vision suddenly feels so dumb, sitting next to Nat. 

“Come on,” she prompts. 

“When the trees scream,” he says, feeling like a moron, “scream with them.” 

Nat snorts. “Yeah, real fucking helpful."

“I heard them scream before,” Travis says. A stupid thing to bring up, but he can’t help it. 

“Yeah,” Nat replies, “when you were high off your ass with Lottie whispering in your ear.” Travis can’t exactly argue with the facts, there. 

Lottie’s voice stops trailing over the group, and she turns to them. Oh shit, oh no- She plops herself down between them, and Travis feels shame settle over him. Shame for talking behind Lottie's back, shame for not standing up to her, shame for being a terrible, useless brother and boyfriend. 

“Natalie,” Lottie says, smiling softly, “has Travis told you what Akilah saw?” 

Nat just stares at her. “Didn’t you just tell everyone?” 

Lottie smiles wryly. “We all know you weren’t listening.” Travis takes a long, loud spoonful of soup to avoid chiming in on that comment. 

“Alright,” Nat concedes, “you got me there.” 

“Akilah learned how to find rescue.” She seems determined, but not excited, like rescue is just another grim duty, the same as bleeding into his morning tea. 

“Yeah,” Nat says, rolling her eyes, “by screaming with the trees. Sounds real helpful. When are the trees gonna scream, Lot?” 

“They’ve screamed for Travis,” Lottie says, glancing to him for backup. He looks frantically between the two of them, trying to figure out what’s expected of him. 

“Go on,” Lottie urges,” tell her.” Travis can’t make his mouth work, but he manages a nod. Then he slurps another hefty spoonful, hoping that the warm liquid will settle his anxious stomach. 

“Yeah,” Nat challenges, “because he was tripping balls. He’s not gonna hear it again.” 

Lottie raises an eyebrow. “He’s not?” 

“No,” Nat says, reaching out to grab his hand that’s not holding a spoon, “you have Akilah now. She’s your prophet or whatever.” Then her look turns protective and determined. “You’re not getting Travis high again. Ever.” Travis feels his cheeks heat up, remembering how scared he was the last time. (He didn’t know that Nat knew how bad it was. He wasn’t sure she cared.) 

Lottie smiles, like this is somehow exactly what she wanted. “Of course, Your Highness.” 

Natalie’s look changes again, from protective to dark as the horizon. “Don’t. I’m not a-” 

“Queen?” Lottie interrupts, grinning. Nat doesn’t dispute it, so Lottie just keeps going. “Then why did you let us crown you?” Natalie looks to Travis for backup, but so does Lottie. He loves Natalie, but he’s so used to doing what Lottie says. It’s just about all he’s done for months now. He watches Lottie for some sort of clue in her demeanor, and watches the word consort pass over her lips. 

Travis looks down at the bowl cradled in his lap, refusing to side with either of them: roommate or girlfriend, keeper or queen. Ladle, sip. Ladle, sip. 

“Whatever I am,” Nat concedes, “it won’t last once we’re rescued. You know that, right, Lot?” Travis sneaks a glance up at Lottie, just to see how she reacts to that cold hard fact: whatever all of this is… none of it can come back with them. 

Lottie doesn’t respond, instead jerking her head around to the uninhabited stretch of woods. “Do you hear that?” 

Natalie sighs. “What am I supposed to hear? Wolves?” Instead of answering, Lottie turns her attention to him. 

“You hear it, don’t you?” she prompts. Travis listens to the sounds of chattering girls and buzzing bugs for a moment, wondering what she could be talking about. Then he hears that awful, low noise. It’s what he’d called a scream when he was high, but now it feels too low for that. More like… the weird throat-singing thing the choir teacher made him watch freshman year. He’s still not sure that the easy fine arts credit was worth that ordeal. His eyes shoot over to Akilah, whose face has lit up like a sunrise. 

“IT’S HAPPENING!” she declares. Lottie screams, loud and long. Then, the sound from the trees echoes back, stronger and louder than ever. 

“Sing!” Lottie orders, glancing at Van. The other girl looks confused, but she starts singing along with Lottie’s pitch quickly enough. Akilah joins. Then Gen, Britt, and Robin. 

Six girls forming a chorus for the trees. Misty joins, making seven. Shauna laughs, and then joins in, dragging Melissa along with her. Nine girls. 

Taissa makes ten. Mari makes eleven. Then, Lottie turns to him expectantly: join us. There’s no one left who’s silent but him and Natalie. If this doesn’t work out, the others will blame anyone who didn't join in the chorus. He matches the group's pitch, earning a triumphant look from Lottie and a betrayed look from Nat. 

He stares at her desperately, begging her to understand how dangerous this is. If she doesn’t want to be queen, if doesn’t want to participate- They’ll turn on her, just like they did during the Hunt. 

Just like they turned on Jackie. 

Every eye in the group is focused on Natalie, and she finally figures out that's dangerous. She lets out a nervous noise with them the next round, and all of the judging, join-us eyes finally let her be. The chanting turns to dancing: a wild and euphoric circle around the fire. 

It’s interrupted by an outsider: a tall, spindly man walking into their camp from the Wilderness itself. If not for the shocked looks on everyone's faces, Travis would assume he was hallucinating. 

“Hello,” the outsider says. Then he glances between the different members of the group, and fear crosses over his face. His eyes dart back to the woods, and he looks like he might bolt. All eyes in the group turn to Natalie. Save us, fix this, make it work, DON’T LET HIM GET AWAY!

“Please, don’t go,” Natalie says, “we’re just… a soccer team. We crashed here.”

His look turns confused. “A… soccer team?” 

“We’re from New Jersey,” Natalie tells him, begging him to remember, “Wiskayok High. It must’ve been on the news.” 

His eyes widen. “Oh. But that was…” 

“A year ago?” Natalie asks. 

“Yeah, more or less,” the man says. The other girls look ready to pounce on him, assaulting him with questions, but Natalie keeps them in check with a look. 

“Please,” she tells him, “tell me you know how to get back.” 

“I do,” he promises. Then he walks forward, meeting Natalie. He holds out a hand to shake. She takes it.

“My name’s Edwin," he says, "I’m a herpetologist.” Mari laughs. Oh. Herpes-ologist. That makes Travis laugh, which makes Van laugh, which spreads throughout the whole camp.

Natalie sighs. “He doesn’t have herpes, guys. It’s some kind of scientist, right?” 

“Yeah,” he tells her, “I study frogs.” 

Akilah gasps, followed by a few others. “My vision. It was right!” 

“No,” Lottie says, fretting with her hands, “that’s not- it’s not supposed to happen this way. Not like this.” Travis glances over at her, wonders if he should try to calm her down. He decides that he doesn’t care enough to try right now. 

The man frowns, looking to Natalie for answers. “Vision?” 

“It’s nothing,” Natalie assures him, “c’mon, let’s just get you something to eat. Then we can figure this out.” Edwin nods, following Nat towards the smaller cooking fire. 

Travis almost follows them, but then he catches a glimpse of Lottie. She’s moved across the camp like a bullet, grabbing the ax. 

“Holy shit!” Travis shouts. He starts running towards her, ready to tackle her like he tackled Coach. She lines up her shot, ready to split the man’s head open onto the dirt.

In one world, she succeeds. In this one, though, Travis manages to tackle her before the ax has completely left her hand. It doesn’t divert its course completely. The change just veers the deadly weapon a few inches to the left. The hatchet cleaves off most of his left ear and leaves a jagged gash along the back of his skull, ripping out a large chunk of hair. This isn’t enough to kill Edwin the herpetologist. Instead of dying, the man is simply maimed. He cries out in pain for just a moment.

Then, he runs .

Chapter Text

The Wilderness spoke to Lottie. After months of waiting, desperately clawing at connection through Travis and Akilah, It finally chose her again. 

Not ours , It screamed, not ours not wantednOTRIGHT!

Searing, white pain flashed through her skull at the very sight of the outsider: clean and reserved and weak. There was no spark of the wild, no darkness, no desperation. A man like him is not supposed to lead them back. 

Natalie’s voice is even and soothing as she addresses the outsider, but Lottie knows what he really is- curse unwantedNOTRIGHT

Their queen, however, doesn’t see that. She and the others are looking at the outsider with awe instead of revulsion. 

“My vision!” Akilah gasps, looking at the intruder with hopeful eyes, “it was right !” 

Lottie frets with her hands, trying to release some of her panic through the movement. “No, that’s not- It’s not supposed to happen this way. Not like this.” This can’t be all that they get. He must be a trick- a test- a mirage

A no thing, a no one, a no matter. Boring, restrained void of a man! not! supposed to! be here! Prey, not pack. 

A force so contained could never free them. 

His image shifts. Her cruelest psychiatrist- a scorpion atop a frog- a man with no eyes

the worst of home, betrayal, blind justice-

The others can’t be led astray by a pretender; he shouldn’t be here

They can’t invite him into their world. He will

• judge
• confine 
• contrOL

No. No. NO!

Her body moves before she decides to, the Wilderness working through her. There’s now a hatchet gripped in her hand. 

This is Its will; she is simply an instrument. A shot, lined up precisely. She feels the handle leaving her hand before she feels a body tackling her. Then she feels the cold, hard embrace of the ground. Her eyes find the intruder the same moment as her ax does. It doesn’t fell him, merely hacks off bits of his ear. He screams.

The image shifts to a fleeing deer: Doomcoming. Back when they didn’t give It what It wanted. He runs, just like the prey did that night.

She turns her head slowly to the others, watches as the girls assemble for a hunt. Maybe they’ll finish the job she failed at. (Lottie has failed at so much-)

Natalie’s voice pierces through her hazy isolation. “Lottie. You need to stay here.” Then she turns to Travis, still coated in leaves from tackling her, “Stay with her.” 

He shakes his head frantically. “No, I can’t-” 

“Stay,” Natalie orders, antlers regrowing along the top of her head, “someone has to keep her from killing that guy.” Keep her from killing him? But… the hunt? 

Travis’s look turns angry. “What’s she gonna do, Nat? The guy already ran!” Lottie lets out a little laugh at how wrong he is. 

Natalie inclines her head back to Lottie, acknowledging how silly that sounds. “Lottie’s one of the best defenders in the game. You think she can’t chase that guy down?” 

Travis swallows. “Okay, okay. I’ll just- I'll keep her here.”

Nat nods tersely, but her eyes are soft. The strength, the compassion- it all lives in their Queen. “Stay safe,” she orders as she leaves, “both of you. She could hurt herself… or you.” Lottie looks down at the bloody hatchet, looking at it with disgust. Nat thinks that she’d hurt him? Travis is theirs, is Its, is pack- She’s never hurt him in a way that stuck.

Travis snatches the weapon from the ground. 

“Wait,” he says, holding it out as far from his body as possible, “take the ax. Please.” He’s looking at Nat desperately, shrunken in on himself. Nat runs over to snag the hatchet, and then she disappears, antlers and all. 

The pieces click together: Travis thought she would harm him? Lottie wouldn’t hurt him for real. He’s one of them one of Its beloved belonging consort- 

She needs to show him. He’s sober, though, which means that he’s less Himself. Less Theirs. Less Its. She could fix part of that. 

Lottie moves to where the hatchet used to be, grabbing the bloody bits of cartilage. She cradles it gently in her hand. 

Travis turns to her, looking exhausted. “Lottie-” She grabs his hand, and Travis recoils back. Lottie has a strong grip, though, and she’s able to hold his hand in place. 

She takes the bloodied, jagged edge of the ear and traces the symbol along the back of his hand. Once she finishes the tail, she releases his hand. Travis raises it to his face, looking back at her in horror. 

“What the FUCK, Lottie?” he demands. Lottie just moves the ear to her face, rubbing the leftover blood all over. Soaking it in through her skin- 

Suddenly, the world feels big and sharp and bright, despite the darkness of night. Despite the low light of the fire- 

Lottie stays seated on the ground, messing with the fraying end of the ear like the eraser on a pencil. 

“What the fuck?” Travis mutters, “what the fuuuck? What the FUCK!?!” 

“He wasn’t right,” Lottie assures him, “he was a scorpion.”

The scorpion that killed the frog, not the frog itself- not the help It promised. A deceiver in a white coat that hurts frogs and keeps them in cages and calls them bad and makes them hide- 

“A scorpion?” Travis asks. 

“The scorpion and the frog,” Lottie tells him as one appears in the distance, waiting, “the frog helps us, helps him. But he’ll just hurt .” She frowns. “Hurt us.” 

Travis laughs tightly. “Uh, yeah, Lot. You cut off the guy’s ear. Doubt he’s thrilled to help us.” 

“It wasn’t right,” she assures him, clutching the ear a little tighter, “wasn’t the vision.” Lottie looks back over to him, and Travis is digging his fingernails into his palms as he laughs. 

“Wasn’t the vision?” he demands, eyes wide with anger, “it was a chance at RESCUE!” 

Lottie shakes her head in disagreement. “No. It wasn’t right. The vision-” 

Travis’s rage builds in his eyes- they look like the dark brown has caught fire. “The visions are bullshit .” 

She doesn’t understand. “Akilah saw it. You said she was closer to It.”

Water builds in his eyes, and it causes steam to surround the both of them, obscuring everything. “I. Lied.” 

Lottie shakes her head quickly and harshly. “No. You saw It. You knew!” 

“I made that up,” he says, “Akilah’s not closer to It or whatever. I just wanted you to stop . I’m done with this psychedelic shit !” The steam parts and dissipates. When his eyes come back into focus, they’re no longer wet. They’re just red-rimmed. “We’re just high! It doesn’t mean anything. None of it does.” 

He shoves his head down between his knees, muttering softly to himself.

Self-soothing , her best psychiatrist called it, the one that was nice more than she was mean.

Lottie crawls over to him, dress dragging through the debris. Then she sits cross legged and plops the ear in her lap. She reaches her free hand between his knees, grasping his chin. She forces it up and out. Makes him look at her. 

“I saw It before,” she says firmly, “I see It again now. Am I high?” He doesn’t say anything, just glares at her defiantly. That’s surprising. Travis hasn’t been defiant in a long, long time. 

“It’s real, Travis,” she tells him, “whether you want It to be or not.” 

Travis doesn’t back down. “It’s not.” 

“It always has been,” Lottie declares, “I’ve always had visions. True ones. My parents, my doctors… they made them go away. But they were always there- calling me.” Travis starts breathing quickly, anxiously. She needs to convince him before he has a panic attack. 

“We need a way back that keeps us free. Keeps us us.” She shakes her head sadly. “Not a scorpion. Not a shrink.” Instead of calming him, this just quickens his breathing more . 

Lottie helps him through the panic attack, the same as always. Once she gets his breathing to steady, he won’t look her in the eye. He won’t even talk to her. 

They sit in silence as they wait for the others to return. Then Travis will see. That scientist… he wasn’t the way home. They’ll find something else, something better. Something that doesn’t force her back inside a suffocating box. 

Chapter Text

In another world, Natalie’s day starts by doing a favor for a friend. For her troubles, she’s cast down from the throne and forced to butcher his body. Then the day ends with the body of Dr. Edwin Nelson. 

In this world, her day starts with Travis talking her out of euthanasia, continues with a hell of a lot of sex, and ends with a maimed Dr. Nelson fleeing into the trees. 

“FUCK!” Natalie shouts, looking up at the sky in anger. God really chose today to fucking curse them? Well, maybe God didn’t decide to curse them… Maybe it was Lottie. Or maybe it was Lottie’s Wilderness spirits. If they’re real, they’re not anything benevolent. But then again, if God is real, he isn’t anything benevolent either. Maybe it’s better to give up on the idea of divinity altogether. No matter what exists or doesn’t exist, the guy who can get them rescued is running through the woods, bleeding out and missing an ear because Lottie’s back on her bullshit. 

Natalie starts laughing, looking towards the rest of the group. Their eyes are wide and scared. 

“Well,” Mari says, “ that went well!” Robin and Britt are clutching each other’s hands, murmuring quietly back and forth.

“Fuck,” Van says, turning to Natalie with terrified eyes, “we’re gonna get arrested-” 

“No,” Natalie says, taking her own fear and clamping it down, “we’re gonna find this guy, we’re gonna explain, then he’ll help us get home, okay?” Melissa bites her lip. 

Akilah looks ready to cry. “But my vision-” 

“Was right,” Natalie assures her, despite her better judgement, “that guy- he’s gonna get us home.” She doesn’t want to feed into this, but she knows that’s how to get Akilah and some of the others onboard. “We just have to find him. We’ll talk, get him stitched up. Then he’ll understand.” 

Shauna cackles. “You think he’ll come with us ‘cause we asked nicely?” Melissa nods along with her, always her girlfriend’s helpful little henchman. 

“I think he needs us to patch him up before he bleeds to death.” 

Mari snorts. “You think he’s just gonna trust that we know what we’re doing? Buncha high school girls stuck in the woods?” 

“Hey!” Misty says indignantly, “I am a great nurse!” 

“Doesn’t matter,” Mari tells her, “the guy’s not gonna just believe that we can help him. Lottie just cut his ear off like. Three minutes ago."

“We can explain!” Natalie hisses. If they just find him, she’s sure they can talk sense into him. It might be the only way to save his life and get them all home. 

Taissa shakes her head. “No, Shauna and Mari are right. We can’t just talk to him. We’re gonna have to make him come with us.”

Natalie feels dread settle in her stomach. “ Make him ?” 

“Not like… torture or anything,” Tai assures her, “just, like. Show him we’ve got a gun. Lock him up to keep him here.” 

Natalie lets out a frustrated sigh. “We don’t need that. The guy’s scared enough already!” 

Akilah bites her lip. “What if he runs again?” 

“He won't," Natalie says, "Not everything has to be a fight.” 

Van laughs at that. “Did you forget we play soccer, Nat? Everything’s a fight.”

“Of course he's gonna run again!" Melissa adds, “like, cooommme on! I know I would!” Shauna nods proudly. 

Natalie wants to add something, but Mari beats her to it. “What if we can’t find him after he runs? What if he like, falls off shit cliff? And dies?"

“Well he’s not gonna trust us if we point a gun at him!” Natalie protests. They’ve had enough trouble trying to get Ben to do things, and he used to care about them. How are they gonna make a stranger comply with their teenage cannibal insanity? 

All of the other girls turn to Tai to talk her into this. “Nat, I know you don’t like this, but trust went out the window when Lottie hit the guy with an ax.” The others nod their assent, which means that Nat’s not getting anywhere if she doesn’t bring the rifle. 

Natalie doesn’t like it, but she needs Tai’s support right now. If she can’t talk the other girls into doing it her way... Well. They need the frog scientist back more than they need to be moral about it. She can work on how they treat the people in their custody once they’ve got the guy back. 

“Fine,” Nat says. She turns to Gen, who’s anxiously shifting in place, “get the gun. I’ll bring it, just in case.” Gen rushes off to grab the firearm from her hut. The rest of the girls look visibly relieved that Nat’s acquiesced on this. They’re willing to listen again, which is what she needs. 

“Okay,” Nat says, “the big thing is getting the guy without hurting him more. Then, we’re gonna deal with his wounds.” 

Misty bounces up beside her. “That means you need me !” 

“Yes, Misty,” Natalie indulges, “I need you. Akilah too. The guy might need stitches.” Akilah looks significantly less excited to be a pivotal part of the plan. Natalie doesn’t really care. 

“I’ll get the first aid kit!” Misty chirps, rushing off to her hut. The other girls gather weapons. Natalie wants to discourage them from bringing more, but she knows that won’t work. They’ve already decided that the frog scientist is a threat. (They might not even be wrong.)

She glances back to the members of the group that aren’t already leaping to action. Lottie is still sitting on the ground, staring up at Nat with dazed eyes. Travis is still entwined with Lottie, but when his eyes meet hers, he lets go of Lottie completely and slides away from her. 

“Wait for me!” Travis calls out, brushing leaves off his body. Natalie shakes her head no. Lottie’s eyes clear a little, and Nat knows she’s more present now.

“Lottie. You need to stay here.” She feels a little guilty as she tells Travis, “Stay with her.”

He looks at her desperately, “No, I can’t-” 

“Stay,” Natalie orders,“ someone has to keep her from killing that guy.” Someone needs to keep Lottie out of this, and Travis is the best option. He’s the closest to her in physical proximity as well as in current relationship. If there’s anyone who can keep Lottie in place right now, it’s Travis. And if that keeps him safe and out of the way of the others... Well, that’s just a fringe benefit. 

“What’s she gonna do, Nat?” he demands, “The guy already ran!” Lottie laughs, looking almost-lucid. 

Nat tilts her head towards their center back as she reminds him, “Lottie’s one of the best defenders in the game. You think she can’t chase that guy down?”

Travis looks embarrassed as he swallows. “Okay, okay. I’ll just- I'll keep her here.”

“Stay safe,” she says as she turns to leave, “both of you. She could hurt herself… or you.” She hears shuffling behind her, and as she turns, she sees Travis holding out the bloody hatchet in front of him. 

“Wait,” he tells her, “take the ax. Please.” Natalie runs over to take it, and then returns to the group. 

She debates on who to hand the ax to, but settles on Gen. She decided to train Gen as the new hunter because she knew the girl was cautious and slow to anger. If anyone who’s left alive could hold the ax and restrain herself from using it, it would be Gen. 

The girls get into formation and Nat gestures with her head for them to start. Then, the hunt is on.

Chapter Text

Akilah can feel her success slipping through her fingers. Earlier today, she felt like rescue was right within reach. Now, she’s tracking a man through the woods by his footprints and droplets of blood. Needless to say, this isn’t what she expected today to look like. Everything was going so well! The trees screamed, then the Wilderness brought them salvation! A frog scientist came to them hours after a frog spoke to her in her vision. Why would Lottie try to kill him ? 

This is what It promised. This is what It gave! Lottie is the one that claimed Akilah could connect with It. Why would she throw away everything they’ve worked for! 

Akilah is ripped out of her head when she hears crunching a few yards deeper into the forest. She glances at Natalie, who signals for the group to spread out and circle around the source of the noise. They encircle the tree, and Edwin the frog scientist tries to run. 

Emphasis on tries. 

He huffs and puffs like a kid who never exercises does when they have to run the mile in gym class. The girls creep in closer, pinning his back to a tall evergreen tree. The needles must be stabbing into his back. He can’t even defend himself against their prickly points because his arms are both raised, clutching his mangled ear tightly. 

He looks both ways quickly like someone crossing the street. It's not much help, because on each side of the tree trunk he’s met by the face of a Yellowjacket. He whips his head around the back of the trunk, trying to spot an escape route. The back is guarded by two rows of girls as well. 

He holds one of his bloody hands out in front of himself defensively. “Please don’t hurt me!” 

“We’re not gonna hurt you,” Natalie assures him, “we’re just gonna fix your ear.”

"Then why do you have a gun?" he demands, looking at Natalie's rifle.

She sighs. "Gen, can you come get it?" Gen makes her way from the back, snagging the rifle from her. She holds it as cautiously as always. "See? No gun?" 

Edwin does not look convinced. Natalie glances at Akilah, then at Misty, and gestures with her head for them to start. Misty takes out the first aid kit and comes in close to him. 

Edwin uses his free hand to start slapping. He manages to dislodge the kit from Misty’s hands, and she holds up a scolding finger towards him. “Do you want to bleed out, Mr. Scientist Man?” 

Mari cackles. “Are we teaching preschool out here?” This frustrates the man even more, and he starts slapping aimlessly. It’s… kind of hilarious, actually. The man’s well over six feet tall and his best defense is just flapping his hands. 

Misty glares as she grabs one of his hands, pinning it against the trunk of the tree. “Don’t be a baby. We’re trying to help you!” This guy can't hold his own against Misty, and she’s not even one of the best athletes in New Jersey. She’s just their manager. The longer they’re in the Wilderness, the more insane sexism seems. 

Misty glances over to Natalie, who looks exhausted. “If you hold down his arms, Akilah and I can fix him up.” 

“No,” Natalie orders, “let go of his hand.”

“But-” 

“Let. Go,” Natalie says, “we’re not getting anywhere like this.” Misty drops her hold on his hand petulantly, and then grabs the case off the ground. She brushes it off and falls back slightly, right behind Akilah. 

Misty puffs out slightly as she says, “If you don’t want my help-” 

“Don’t be a baby,” Natalie parrots. Akilah glances back for a moment and catches the girl's eyes misting over. “See? No one likes to be insulted. We’re not gonna do that.” The guy tries to bolt again, but Akilah and Natalie form a chain and force him back against the tree trunk. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” Nat says, “but we’re not gonna hurt you either.” He reaches both hands back up to his wound, cradling the flesh. 

“You cut off my ear!” he hisses. 

“Look,” Natalie says, “I’m really sorry about that, but our friend… She’s not doing great. She didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

He glares. “She threw an ax at my head.” 

“We’re gonna fix it,” Nat promises him. 

“Fix it?” he asks, clutching his wound even tighter, “no- you’ll make it worse!” 

Van peaks her head in from further back in the circle. “No, they’re really good at this stuff.” She walks in closely behind them and points at her own face. “Do you see my scars?” He doesn’t respond, but his eyes trace over Van's scars. “I lost a fight with a wolf. Our medics kept me alive!” She smiles. “Now I’ve got some sexy scars and a helluva story.” 

“Sexy?” he asks, his lip curling. 

“Uh huh,” Van says, “my girl’s sooo into it.” 

Taissa laughs as she crosses her arms. “Uh huh.”

“So if you just let them help you,” Van says, inclining her head toward Akilah and Misty, “you’ll live. Might even end up with a sexy scar too.”

“Maybe his girl will think it’s sexy,” Tai says, “but your girl thinks you’re full of shit.” 

His eyes soften at the exchange. “Maybe she will.” Injuries and girlfriends, it seems, are common ground. 

“Where is she?” Van asks gently, “back home?” 

He stiffens. “I don’t want to talk about that.” Akilah glances back, and sees the others making meaningful eye contact. Oh, they think his girlfriend’s out here too, don’t they? 

It doesn’t matter much to Akilah. Her job right now is treating his open wound and sewing it up tight. 

“Can I take a look at it?” Akilah asks, “I do the stitches.”

He looks over to her, then over to Misty. Apparently, he decides that she’s the better option. He lets his bloody hands down. “Okay.”

Akilah nods, then comes up closer to him. “I’m gonna need you to sit down, though. You’re way taller than me.” He laughs a little as he slides against the trunk of the tree, falling to a sitting position. 

At the very top of his ear, about an inch of the crescent cartilage is still intact, attached directly to the head. The cut starts at the edge of the ear and grows closer to the head itself, until at the bottom, the entire earlobe is missing and the cartilage has split from the edge in a bloody, flapping mess. The bloody bit of skin where the ear started to peel back from the skull is the nastiest. If Akilah can stitch the skin closed and attach that part of cartilage back onto his head, they might salvage what’s left of his ear. At the very least, it can stop the bleeding in that location. 

After that, she can focus on the jagged bit that runs along the skull behind his ear and whether that is deep and bloody enough to warrant additional stitches. 

She and Misty go through the first aid kit, locating the needle, thread, and the iodine. She washes the rancid liquid along the external path of the hatchet, and then dabs along the bloody, open wound where his earlobe should have been. That’s where she’ll start the stitches. 

She wonders if he’ll ever be able to hear out of this ear again once they’re done. 

Distantly, Akilah can hear the others whispering- something about finding the girlfriend before she can do anything. Akilah thanks the Wilderness that the organ Lottie took out of commission was the guy’s ear. If he could hear the distant chatter about hunting his girlfriend… Akilah knows he wouldn’t be sitting here, waiting patiently for her to start stitches. 

Natalie looks anxiously between the chattering girls and the medics. “I have to go,” she apologizes to Akilah. 

“But we aren’t finished!” Akilah protests. She knows that the man is destined for their animal pen, but how will she get him there? Misty will have… ideas… and Akilah doesn’t want to have to fight with her. 

“You guys have it handled,” Natalie promises. Edwin looks anxiously over to her. Apparently, Nat’s words are loud enough to get his attention. 

“No,” he begs, “please stay.” 

“I’m sorry,” Nat says, smiling grimly, “I have things I gotta do.” He looks anxiously at Misty and then back at Nat. Don’t leave me alone with her. Akilah tries not to be offended that he doesn’t think of her as an adequate buffer. 

Misty blithely threads the needle, handing it over to her. Maybe she doesn’t care how much the frog scientist dislikes her. (That’s probably pragmatic of her. Akilah’s never been very good at disregarding people’s opinions.)

“We do need another pair of hands,” Akilah says. Not with the stitches, necessarily, but with getting him back to camp. Even though he’s injured, he’s still taller than any of them. More bodies will ensure they control the situation… And if they get someone who’s not as blunt as Misty, they might be able to fool him until they have him where he needs to be. 

“The redhead?” he suggests. 

Nat smiles indulgently. “Yeah, I can have her stay.” 

“We’re gonna start the stitches,” Akilah warns, “are you ready?” 

“I guess?” he says. Akilah guides Misty’s hand to the bottom of the wound and shows her how she wants the skin closed together. Edwin yelps, but she sees him dig his nails into his palm to keep from moving. She slides the needle through the first bit of skin, and starts stitching along the wound. Once she gets the area finished, she’ll start with the back of his head. 

Fuck, they might need to shave that area before they do it. She should have thought of that before they started- 

“Stay calm,” Misty orders, “I can see you tensing like a… tense person.” Akilah lets out a frustrated huff of air, but she forces her body to loosen up. Misty might be a pain, but she’s normally right. 

Van makes her way around to them, and sits down across from Edwin. “Uh yeah, I got a pizza for room 303? Anybody order a pizza?” The man lets out a stilted, painful laugh. Akilah keeps her composure well enough to make her next stitch. She hears footsteps shuffling to the side of her, frantic whispers, but she can’t focus on it. Stitching up this wound is all that matters right now. 

Akilah hears louder footsteps again, and looks back at Van. Taissa has placed a hand on Van's shoulder and dropped a length of rope in her lap. “Something to mess with.” 

Van slides the rope into a quick lasso shape. “What in tarnation, Tai!” Her girlfriend rolls her eyes as she places a kiss on her forehead. Then she meets Akilah’s eyes. 

“Stay safe,” Tai implores. Akilah suddenly knows exactly why Taissa has left them with rope. It’s smart, it’s subtle, and less fucked up than it seems. It’s just an efficient, humane way to get him from point a to point b. It enures that he'll be safe in the pen with Coach while they figure this out.  Bound hands aren’t the end of the world, really. Between him and his girlfriend, they’ll all figure out how to get home before they need to do anything drastic. 

Akilah stitches another bit of his skin back together. Well. Before anyone else does anything else drastic. She moves her needle, trying to keep her pace steady. The faster she gets this done with, the sooner the poor guy can start healing. Edwin the frog scientist didn’t deserve any of this. She’ll try to be as kind to him as she can while they keep him in the pen safe and sound with her animals. Maybe she’ll even let him hold Mortimer? He helped Travis, after all. 

Chapter Text

It’s not that Ben is having a “bad day”. It’s hard to say that because Ben has had nothing but “bad days” since crash landing in the uninhabited wilderness. It started when he didn’t get to talk to Paul and win him back. Then three people he never met, one of his students, and his mentor all died. He lost his leg. He got Misery-ed by Misty fucking Quigley. He told Laura Lee not to fly that plane, she proved that he didn’t have power over them anymore, and then she blew up midair. His fault his fault his fault-

Misty tried to date-rape him. He didn’t do anything about the fight between Jackie and Shauna and then Jackie froze to death. The girls ate her. He spent months living inside his head while the girls dealt with Shauna’s pregnancy without him, then he wouldn’t even try to help deliver the stillborn. He tried to kill himself, but Misty wouldn’t let him. Misty won’t ever let him.

Then he finally tried to leave the stupid cabin, but Natalie wouldn’t come with him. His friend, the only one who understood- she wouldn’t come with him . He got away, but then Mari Rumor-Mill Ibarra fell into a pit. He helped her out of it, kidnapped her, let her go- and it all bit him in the ass. They put him on trial for burning down the cabin with all of them in it, as though he was that cruel. He’s a coward, yes, but he’s not a murderer. He couldn’t even kill himself properly. 

He should have just let Taissa kill him. He should have found a way to get Natalie to- should have thrown himself off that cliff no matter how much it would have fucked up his reputation and Misty's psyche. She wasn’t right to start with, how bad could it really get? 

Every inch of his body hurts and his nose has adjusted to the smell of his own waste, except when he has to shit again. The only things that break the infinite, painful monotony are the feeding visits and his own hideous hallucinations. Rachel pleads with him to stop Akilah’s gas-filled field trips, as though the girl will even meet his eyes. Bill blames him for letting the girls go off the rails, for letting Javi die, and for whatever the fuck happened to Travis. Jackie cries and asks after Shauna, rinse and repeat. Crystal berates him for not warning him that Misty was a psychopath and then makes him listen to her sing showtunes. Laura Lee is the worst, probably, because her death was his fault, but she absolves him of his guilt. 

Even Javi has shown up a time or two, even though Ben barely knew the kid. He just stands in his periphery, staring. He doesn’t have anything to say; Ben likes it better that way. 

He wishes he could just melt into memories again, the way he did during those eternal, winter days in the cabin. When he hallucinated his life with Paul, now those were hallucinations worth having. These don’t bring comfort, just shame, even the ones that don’t blame him.

He hears footsteps from behind him, but he ignores them. It’s probably Akilah coming to tend to her animals, assuming he’s not just imaging it. 

As the moments pass, Ben tries to ignore the sound, but the footsteps get louder. They’re also not consistent. That means there’s more than one pair of feet. Maybe he is hallucinating, but the chance that he’s not has his breath quickening. It might just be Akilah and Mari together, coming to gossip as they tend the cages, but it sounds like more than two, and it’s been enough days since they… since he ate . 

It might be time for a repeat. 

The hands, the fear, the feeling of it all caught in his throat, the choking, the loss of control, and the dirty, powerless feeling of lying there afterwards, knowing that they’re just gonna do it again. That he’s just like a houseplant- sentenced to grow into the dirt for their sick delusions- 

He can’t do that again. He can’t. Maybe he can convince Misty he’ll eat if he forces a smile and promises to eat in front of her. She’ll give him that patronizing smile, watch as he does it, and go back to camp with a victory, right? She’d believe it. He knows she would. He’ll make a show of it for her. Then he can throw it up into the shit pile after, maybe they won’t notice? Maybe he can waste away little by little until he finally gets to die. 

Even if slow starvation won’t kill him, maybe winter will? Jackie froze to death outside in the fall. Maybe they won’t remember him when it starts to snow and leave him out here? Maybe he’ll get to freeze to death: assistant coach and team captain going out the same way, both killed by Shauna fucking Shipman turning the group against them. 

He should die. He’s earned that much! He knows he has. 

As the footsteps get louder and louder, Ben spots a flash of red hair. What’s Van doing over here? He hasn’t seen her since his trial. Behind her is a tall, unfamiliar man. Okay, yeah, he’s definitely hallucinating. No use wasting his fleeting, fragile attention on something so clearly fake. 

Ben spots Akilah beside “him”. Maybe “he’s” a new mountain goat that she caught for the pen? Maybe no one’s here at all and he’s going even crazier. Ben closes his eyes and tries to ignore whatever this is. He hears snippets of conversation, the sounds of a struggle, but he’s not going to open his eyes for anything. 

Misty’s voice floats over everything as she asks, “Do you think they’ll get along?” 

Someone lets out a sigh. “We’re not socializing puppies . We’re putting two grown men in a cage.” Ah, that was Van. 

“Is that a yes?” Misty asks. 

“I DON’T CARE!” 

“But-” 

“I! Don't! Care!” 

“Shouldn’t we pay attention, though?” Misty asks, “They could hurt each other! Or escape!” 

“The new guy’s hands and feet are bound,” Van says, “and we just had to force-feed Coach since he’s been trying to starve to death. I think we’ll be fine.” 

“But!” 

“Look,” Van says, “we’ll deal with it later. Now we gotta help the others.” 

“Fine,” Misty mutters. The footsteps continue, getting softer and softer until they finally disappear. 

Then, that unfamiliar, male voice starts to speak. “Oh thank god, they’re gone. We can talk !” Ben ignores it. Engaging with his hallucinations makes them last longer. 

“Dude!” the voice calls, “Coach? Were you their Coach?!?” Ben lets out a frustrated puff of air. He digs his fingernail into the top of his thumb, trying to force the voice into silence through sheer willpower. (It works, sometimes. It’s worth a try.) 

“Not real,” he mutters, “not real.” 

The voice laughs tightly. “God, I wish ! I was high last night. I’d buy this shit happening on a trip, you know? But getting my ear cut off? Chased by a bunch of teenage girls? Then locked up in an animal pen? Seems pretty fucked up when you’re sober.” His hallucination was high last night? Okay, so admittedly, that’s a weird detail for his brain to make up, but it’s not enough to convince him this guy is real. 

Ben hears the guy's voice hitch and strain. Ben, however, keeps his eyes firmly shut, keeps on digging into his skin as the guy makes unpleasant noises. Maybe if he digs so hard into his skin that he breaks through it’ll get infected. Then he’ll finally get to die! 

“Come on!” the voice calls, “look at me! I’m real!” Ben shakes his head no, trying to compound all his “keep away the crazy” charms into a single, effective spell. Suddenly, the leaves that coat his leg shift. He feels something against his remaining calf. He’s never felt a hallucination before. 

Ben's eyes open wide, and a man’s face peaks out at him, beside his knee. Behind him, a trail of upturned leaves snakes its way from the fence to the stranger’s location. The man moves his bound hands under his chest, using them to push himself to his knees. 

He looks over at Ben. “Please. I’m real.” Ben wants to believe him, wants to think there’s something out here besides him and his feral students, but he can’t. There’s no way someone else is here, not really. The hallucination’s not going away through his normal methods, though. Maybe he should humor it?

“Suuuureeee,” Ben says, “you’re real . What brings you to my humble prison, then?” 

The guy’s face falls. “You don’t believe me.” 

Ben’s eyes trace over the guy’s unmemorable face over to a bloody patch on the side of his head. Stitches wind inelegantly along bits of cartilage, binding them together. That’s a fucked up detail for his subconscious to add. 

“I don’t know,” Ben admits, “convince me.” 

The guy groans. “Look, I just- Some girl hit me with an ax and cut off my ear. I lost my glasses. Then a bunch of those girls chased me through the woods. A few of them patched me up, and I thought we were like, cool after that? But once we got back, they tied me up and threw me in here!” 

Sure, those things seems plausible, but how the fuck did this guy end up here, if he he’s real? He looks like the sort of nerd who’s never been outside before. “Why are you here?” 

“I’m studying frogs.” 

Ben laughs so hard it hurts. What the fuck kind of answer is that ? 

“Really!” the guy assures him, “there’s this super rare type of frog that only mates once every seven years that lives out here! I used to like, study toad secretions in the lab, but my girlfriend’s stupid into frogs. So. Here we are!” 

“Your girlfriend?” 

“Yeah. We’re working on her postdoc. We had to hire a guide.” 

Ben frowns. “Are you saying there’s three of you?” 

“Yeah. Hopefully they got away.” 

“Why weren’t you all together?” 

The guy grimaces. “I got suspicious of our guide, right? Like. His luggage had the wrong name. He wouldn’t tell us any information about himself. So when I heard like, chanting and smelled food, I thought whoever it was could help if the guy was gonna like, kill me in the woods and run off with my girl.” 

Ben doesn’t know what to say to that, but he thinks the guy’s probably here. He’s probably real. 

“God, I fucked up,” he says, his voice flooding with regret, “I fucked up so bad.” 

“I’m sorry,” Ben tells him. There isn’t anything else he can do, really. He can’t help, can’t prove any real comfort. Ben’s just a step or two away from becoming a corpse. 

“Maybe they’ll get us help?” the guy suggests. Ben doubts that, but he kindly doesn’t voice that thought. 

“Sorry,” the guy says, looking embarrassed, “I never even introduced myself! I’m Edwin. I’m a professor at Cornell. I do herpetology.” 

Ben laughs. “Did you tell the girls that?” 

“Uh, yeah, they thought I had herpes.”

“Sounds about right.” 

“And you are?” Edwin asks hopefully. 

“I’m Ben,” he says, introducing himself for the first time in a year, “I, uh, I used to be a high school health teacher. I was the assistant coach for the girl’s soccer team. Then we, uh. We crashed. And now I’m here!” Rotting in his own shit in an animal pen, pining for death. 

Edwin looks nervously over at him. “You guys have been out here a year. What all happened?” 

“I couldn’t tell you if I tried,” Ben says. So much has happened, and so much he hasn’t been present for, physically or mentally. Even when he tries to relive things, sometimes his brain just feels like when Misty cauterized his leg: white-hot and blinding.

“They know that Hannah’s out here too,” Edwin says, “do you think they’ll find her?” 

“Yeah,” Ben tells him, “they’ll find her.” Edwin grimaces. “They’ll try not to hurt her, though.” 

Edwin moves his shoulder toward his maimed ear. “Are you sure?” 

“I-” Part of him wants to defend his students. He wasn’t lying during his trial. They’ve always amazed him, but they’ve terrified him too. They’re cutthroat, world-class athletes. They can and will turn on someone in a second. It’s what they had to do on the field, and it’s what they’ve had to do to survive.  

Sometimes, he’s convinced himself they’re monsters. He was so angry and scared when he saw Javi that he might have burned down the cabin, if he thought to. With the way that they convicted him, the way Taissa turned to him before pulling the trigger- He wishes that they were just their monstrosities, just the rumors and the bickering and the us-vs-them and the ways that they've hurt him. 

But they're not. 

Every time he tries to dismiss them as monsters, he’s reminded of why they’re like this. Natalie, telling him that she’s worse than the others. Mari, trying to seduce him to escape because that’s what grown men tend to want from teenage girls. Misty, who’s always been so lonely and needy that the second she got power over someone she wouldn’t let a bit of it go. Shauna’s righteous anger after she’s lost and lost and lost. 

“I hope so.” 

Edwin snorts. “That’s not comforting.” 

The guy looks down at him, and his eyes widen. “Your leg’s gone.” 

“Wow,” Ben says, “astute.” 

Edwin’s eyes widen. “Did they fucking- cut it off?”

They did. They didn’t. It was complicated. “It got mangled in the crash. They had to .” They didn't have to mangle his other leg but. Edwin doesn’t need to know that. 

The guy seems prone to paranoia, and- fuck. Ben doesn’t know. He seems normal. He doesn’t deserve this shit. But can he really trust him ? Does he want to be rescued, or does he still want to be dead? 

“Suuureeee,” Edwin says, echoing Ben’s distrust from earlier. 

“We all want to go home,” Ben assures him, because he's almost sure that's true, “if you guys can help with that, you’ll be fine.” Probably. Maybe. Fuck, should he tell him more? Which girls to look out for? How quickly their minds can change? How much they feed into each other? How their fucking trees cult is why he's been crippled, left in this cage for who knows how long?

“Okay,” Edwin says. He doesn’t sound convinced, but he doesn’t speak further. He doesn’t disappear when he stops talking. That’s a good sign that he’s real, but then again…. Ben never knows out here. Maybe he never knew at all.

Chapter Text

Melissa Jean Collins has never been important before. She’s the fourth of five children born to a mother who grudgingly had children for her husband and a father who wanted to have children as a status symbol at work and church. She was preceded by three straight sisters and followed by a single, favored brother. The only thing the three siblings could all agree on was The Princess Bride. Suzetta wanted to steal Buttercup’s wardrobe. Celeste wanted to be Buttercup. Emily loved the storytelling conventions. Luke thought that the sword fights were cool. Melissa wanted to be Westley, but she only ever told Luke that. He understood stuff like that when they were younger.

Anyway, Melissa wanted to be Westley from The Princess Bride. She wanted to find a girl who, if she worked hard and suffered for her and loved her, would eventually love Melissa in return. One who she could save, who’d save her right back. A beautiful ice queen that Melissa could sweep off her feet with charm and skill, even though she was normally afraid to even open her mouth and speak. 

She’d find someone who’d think that playing second-string defense on a girls’ soccer team was cool. Who wouldn’t care that she was awkward and clingy and didn’t know how to be a lesbian yet because she was too afraid to even watch Xena: Warrior Princess at home or check out a book about being gay from the school library. 

So far, Shauna hasn’t minded. Shauna was even deeper in the closet than Melissa was before they crashed, has always felt as neglected, and burns like a fucking star. Shauna gets her, and Melissa gets her right back, and all the fuckers that didn’t appreciate Shauna’s love when she gave it to them can suck eggs, Now, Melissa is the one that she holds. Melissa is the one she kisses and Melissa is the one that she thinks matters. 

Melissa, whose only friend until she joined the high school soccer team was her little brother. Melissa, whose little brother stopped talking to her once his friends told him it was weird to be close to his dyke sister. (Can’t we hang out with one of the hot ones?) 

Now, she doesn’t feel like a loser. Now, it’s her and her girlfriend against the whole fucking world. She and Shauna, chasing down the threats against their group. She and Shauna, bringing the lady frog scientist back together. Of course, the others are here too, but it’s not about them. This is about Melissa and Shauna: how they’re both finally important. Even if it doesn't feel that way right now, tromping through the woods while looking for Edwin the frog scientist’s girlfriend. 

Natalie leads the pack, flanked by Shauna on one side and Taissa on the other. Melissa takes her place beside Shauna, with Gen beside her finishing the line. Mari stands closest to Taissa, with Robin and Britt trailing behind her. 

They hear a crunching noise, and Shauna’s head jerks toward a tree. She reaches over, and grabs a clump of black hair. Melissa meets her eyes. Then, Shauna holds it up to Nat, who nods. 

We’re on the right track. 

They keep going into the woods, their line silent and swift. Sooner than expected, Melissa catches sight of a head of long, dark hair. The girls sprint together in a formation, herding her until her back is against a large evergreen trunk. Her eyes are wide and terrified. 

"It's okay," Natalie says, like she's speaking to a frightened child, "we're not gonna hurt you." 

"You cut off Edwin's ear!" she accuses, glancing in terror between Natalie and a spot behind her. 

"Our friend's not doing well," Natalie assures her, "the rest of us? We just wanna go home. No one has to get hurt." 

The woman opens her mouth and shouts, "HELP!" There’s a loud rustling further down the hill. All of their heads turn to spot a tall figure on the horizon and the woman bolts . 

That means- "There's more than one of them," Gen finishes for her aloud. They're almost always on the same page, Melissa and her best friend. 

“Fuck,” Natalie mutters, “we can’t- another one?” 

Robin looks anxiously over at their leader. “What do we do?” 

“We’ll split up,” Natalie says, “some of us will get her back. The rest of us will go find that other one.” 

Shauna laughs. 

Natalie glances back at her. “What, Shauna?” 

“I say we just kill them,” Shauna says, “we’ve already got her boyfriend locked up, so the rest are just extra work and extra danger. Who fucking knows, there might be a team of them. What if they get away and tell everyone what we've done?” Melissa feels something awful twist in her chest. That’s… Melissa doesn’t like that. That doesn't just sound practical; it sounds callous. 

“Shauna!” Natalie scolds. 

“What?” Shauna defends, “we don’t need more!” 

Taissa scoffs. “If we were only gonna keep one, it shouldn’t be the one we maimed.” 

"Tai!" Natalie accuses, "don't encourage her!" 

“Why not?" Shauna challenges, "I’m just saying that they’re dangerous. What if they get away and send a fucking SWAT team after us!?!” 

“Will you calm down?” Natalie demands, “none of this is helping!” She drops her voice to a stage-whisper. “We need to be quiet.” 

“Fuck that!” Shauna retorts, “the guy we grabbed said he knows how to get us home. Any others? They’re just witnesses . Rescue’s gonna be an arrest, Natalie.” Shauna pulls her knife from the sheath Melissa so lovingly made her. “I say we take out the threat. Now .” 

Melissa glances nervously at Gen, who looks ready to sink into the ground. Then she looks at her girlfriend- Shauna, wielding her knife with glorious purpose. Shauna, convinced of the evil lurking just out of sight. Melissa just wants to melt into that certainty. Robin and Britt both eye Natalie cautiously, waiting for her response. 

Natalie doesn’t get a chance before they hear a whir from behind them. She turns to the sight of an arrow flying swift toward them. It lodges itself directly into Shauna's chest. 

“Holy shit!” Melissa squeaks, looking in terror at the new, bloody wound near her girlfriend's shoulder. Shauna lets out a guttural scream of pain, and Melissa rushes over to hold her. She's not much of a medic, but she needs to comfort her girlfriend. She'll figure it out, if she has to. Misty successfully took off Coach's leg with nothing but babysitter training and an ax? She has to save Shauna, she has to!

“Fuck, Shauna,” Natalie says, sounding like a parent whose reached the end of their patience, “if you’d just stayed quiet!" 

Shauna groans in pain, "Fuck off, Nat!" Melissa rubs circles into her girlfriend's good shoulder, looking down at the placement of the arrow. She tries to think back to those episodes of Law and Order where they talked about stab wounds. Were you supposed to keep the knife in until you had more medical supplies? Or were you supposed to get it out immediately? Fuck! She doesn't remember and she's incompetent and Shauna's going to die!

“I just-” Natalie keeps looking at Shauna, and her eyes soften a bit, “fuck, Shauna, if you stopped shouting about killing people-” 

"I was being realistic," Shauna manages. Melissa changes her positioning around Shauna slightly. She meets her girlfriend's eyes. 

"It doesn't matter," Melissa assures her, sending Shauna a soft look, "I'm gonna take care of you. You're gonna be fine." There's no other option here. Shauna is everything. If she dies- Melissa can't even consider that. 

"You're gonna fix me?" Shauna challenges.

Melissa forces a smile, squeezing her hand. "Yeah, I am. That's what girlfriends do. We help each other."  If it was her, Melissa would want Shauna to tend to her. That’s how this works in the movies. If your lover is injured, you nurse their wounds. No one else is supposed to do that. 

Shauna squeezes her hand tighter, tightly enough to bruise. "Fuck no. I want you to find that fucker . Bring ‘em back. Make ‘em pay.”

Melissa frowns. "But- don't you want me to take care of you?" That's what her gut is screaming at her to do.

Shauna rolls her eyes, but her voice comes out low and pained. "Mel. Anyone can take care of me. Only my girlfriend can give me the guy that shot me as a present." Melissa feels her cheeks heat as she gently rubs her legs together. If this weren't the worst possible time, she'd ravish Shauna right now. She looks like some feral forest princess- handing down revenge quests to her loyal knight. That’s fucking hot. 

"Okay," Melissa says, "I'll do it. I'll get them." 

Natalie frowns as she looks between Melissa and Shauna. She sighs as she says, "Someone has to stay and help her." Natalie has clearly resigned herself to the task. Their medics are still tending to the man-without-an-ear. Someone has to, but Melissa doesn't want that someone to be Natalie. She’ll help Shauna because it’s her duty as queen to take care of them, but they’ve never gotten along very well. It’s going to be ugly. It’ll leave the girls without their leader, too. 

“No,” Melissa says, “Gen will do it.” Gen is her best friend. Since Melissa can’t nurse her girlfriend through this, Gen is who she trusts for the job.

Gen turns to her with an angry, offended look. “Don’t give me orders.” 

“Gen-” 

“I’ve been hunting for months!” Gen hisses, “I’d be wasted on nurse duty.” 

“But-” None of the other options are good. Mari and Shauna hate each other . Robin and Britt are both useless without someone else to give them orders. Taissa gets lost in a hunt, so she won’t be willing to stay behind for this. 

Natalie sighs. “It's fine. I'll do it." 

“No,” Taissa says, making her way over to Shauna, “ I’ll do it. Robin, you’re helping me.” The other girl nods, thankful to have a clear job. 

“Britt, go with Mel and Gen to get the one that shot Shauna. Nat and Mari can go after the girlfriend.” Natalie hasn’t taken orders from someone for months, but she nods. It’s best for all of them that Taissa takes care of Shauna right now, if Shauna doesn’t want Melissa. The two haven't spent much time together recently, but they used to be some of the closest in the whole group. Natalie glances at Mari, who follows after her without a word. Melissa gestures with her head for Gen and Robin to follow her toward the path of the arrow. They follow immediately, flanking her sides. 

Holy shit, Melissa can’t believe this is happening. She’s a leader! She’s storming the castle for her girlfriend, her ice queen, her damsel in distress. She's finally Westley. She's finally important. 

Chapter Text

Genevieve Nya Thomas was born in 1980. While her parents had left Vietnam seven years earlier with the last of the US combat troops, they always felt like they brought the war back with them right to Wiskayok, New Jersey. It didn’t help that Gen was born on April 30th, 1980: a human reminder that her dad’s mission failed, that Vietnam was communist now, that there was no going back. 

Their family lived down the street from her aunts on her dad’s side, but she’d probably never even meet her aunts on her mom’s side. They’d be trapped behind the Iron Curtain until the end of time. Gen was just a reminder of that. 

Her brothers didn’t have that same burden. Her older brother, Johnny, was born a month before Saigon fell back in 1975. He was a comfort during awful times. A balm to loneliness and the sting of failure. Then he turned out charming, smart, and athletic. Their parents were so proud.

Her baby brother Ronnie was born in December of 1984, a celebration that Ronald Reagan won again, that patriotism and the American Dream can triumph over the yellow-bellied quitter talk that lost them the war. Ronnie still liked silly kid things like Transformers and G.I. Joe, but they’re the right kind of silly. The boy kind. Maybe he’ll end up a solider boy, just like dad and Johnny. 

Gen was supposed to be perceptive, unassuming, and interested in boys and makeup and clothes- the shiny things that helped her mom snag a soldier boy and a picture perfect American life. Instead she was blunt, unapologetic, and only good at sports. She was the only piece of her mom's perfect life that didn’t fit: imperfect daughter poking around the edge of the frame like a bad omen. 

Gen thinks her parents might have actually liked her if she were a boy. Or even if she wasn’t the only daughter, doomed to be her mother’s failed proxy at a full American life. Her mom would talk about how much easier Gen had it in America, and her dad would agree. He would talk about how dangerous the jungles were back in ‘Nam, and her mom would go on and on about how temperate and calm New Jersey was in comparison. They said that Vietnam was out to get them.

Gen never knew how much she believed that, the idea that a place could be against you, especially when you could just learn to understand it. She's not sure if she understands more or less, now that she's spent a year in the Wilderness. She feels like she fits, no matter how terrifying and awful it is. She feels like a survivor. 

Gen is jarred out of her thoughts by her best friend’s voice. 

“What the hell, Gen?” Melissa demands. 

Gen frowns at her. “What?” 

“I thought you'd have my back,” Melissa says, sounding hurt that Gen didn't just give in and nurse her feral girlfriend through her arrow wound. 

Gen sighs. “I have your back.” She doesn’t think that has to include having Shauna’s back. 

“But not Shauna’s,” Melissa accuses, “you don’t even like her.”

Gen laughs as she declares, “Wow! Who could have guessed!"

"Gen," Melissa scolds.

"No," Gen says, "you don't get to make me feel bad about this. Shauna was always a bitch, but now she’s off the fucking rails!” She's making Melissa worse, too. She's acting like she can order Gen around like some underling instead of like a best friend, doing everything Shauna asks no matter how heinous- 

“She just got shot!” Melissa hisses. 

“If she wasn’t screaming about killing people,” Gen retorts, “that wouldn’t have happened! Am I supposed to feel bad for her?” Shauna had it coming. That’s what her dad would say. She never feels bad for the starters. They all frustrated her and she was never able to do anything. Jackie was snooty. Laura Lee was preachy. Lottie was too quiet. Van was crass. Natalie was a drunk. Allie was a bitchy little freshman that Coach Martinez moved up to varsity instead of Akilah. Taissa was a total bitch. 

And Shauna? Shauna was two-faced . She’d say one thing in front of Jackie and then something totally different when she was gone, and the rest of the girls just… let her. Encouraged it, even. Mari encouraged it too, but it was funny when Mari did it. It was more to catch Shauna in a lie than to help her get away with one.

Mari was also the only starter who gave any of the second string or JV girls the time of day. She invited them to the ragers. She helped Gen improve her form. She reminded the other starters that their relief players were important. “I’m not the only attacking midfielder on the team, guys! Gen’s right there!” 

Honestly, Gen thinks the reason that Mari’s so much better than the others because she’s the only starter that actually has siblings. All the second string girls? They have siblings. The first string girls? All of them are only children but Mari. Even the other second string girls were either babies or oldests. Mari is a middle child, just like Gen, just like Melissa. That was one of the ways they all bonded. They were the ones that understood what it felt like not to matter and make sure they never felt like that again. 

But now Melissa is breaking their sacred trust for two-faced Shauna Shipman? The senior starter? The preppy bitch? The best friend killing human powder-keg ? That’s the one Melissa decided to date! The one that banished Jackie Taylor to freeze to death. The one that accused them all of eating her stillborn baby. She spat in Mari’s soup, scared the girl away from camp, and then got her kidnapped. 

“She’s my girlfriend!” Melissa hisses, finally forcing Gen out of her head. 

“Not my fault you’ve got bad taste,” Gen taunts. Britt looks awkwardly between the two of them. 

“ Bad taste ?” Melissa demands, “I’m not the one that took Tyson Keener to Winter Formal! The guy brought his trumpet!” Gen feels her next retort building up inside her, something about Melissa not even pretending to be straight so people would stop bullying them- 

Until Britt balls her hands into fists and lets out an angry little noise. “GUYS! He’s getting AWAY!” She points deeper into the woods, and it reminds Gen of what they were doing in the first place. They were chasing the guy that shot Shauna. Maybe Gen doesn’t give a fuck about Shauna’s well-being, but she doesn’t want that guy running wild. They need to get him back, or- 

Well. Something bad is going to happen. She has no doubts about that, even if she can’t name the evil itself. Gen turns to meet Melissa’s eyes, and they come to a silent agreement: nab the guy first, then they can get back to being pissed at each other. 

They fall back on Gen’s tracking skills honed over months hunting out here. They follow the trail of upended foliage and occasional footprint, listen for signs of his location, and quickly but silently run in a tight formation towards him. Most people would be panting with exhaustion by the time they caught up with the man, but most people aren’t nationally ranked soccer players. They get within twenty feet of the man, seal their forked formation tighter, and try to force the man against a tree. 

Instead of running, he turns around abruptly, aiming his crossbow at Gen. He lets an arrow fly and goes right back to running. Gen falls to the ground, dodging, and the arrow burrows its way into the trunk of a tree behind her, right where her heart was a moment ago. 

They take a moment to catch their breath, all of them glancing between themselves, grasping at their next move. Clearly, this strategy isn’t working. 

Melissa bites her lip and mimes a length of rope- the item she’d given to Taissa to help Van and the others get the injured man safely to camp. Now, none of them have any left. 

FUCK 

They’re going after a tall, muscular man with a crossbow without any means of restraint? They won’t be able to just back him up against a tree, will they? Even with the ax and a knife… those aren’t ranged weapons. He can keep them at bay for a lot longer with his weapon than they can with theirs. They need something unconventional. 

She thinks back to her dad’s tales of treacherous, cowardly traps set by the weak guerilla fighters that plagued the army in the jungles by the locals, who might not have been as well-equipped, but they knew the land and were determined to hold it. Bamboo poles set to release by a tripwire, snake pits, grenades in cans rigged to blow, pits full of spikes- 

Wait, pits?

“We’re by that pit Mari fell into,” Gen says, “what if we could herd him into it?” 

Melissa stares. “It’s too small. If he misses it, or figures out what we’re doing-” 

Britt bites her lip. “And we’d have to get him out of it. What if he breaks a leg?” Gen wants to protest, say that breaking a leg might make it easier on them- That’s what her dad would say, after all. When it’s war, you do what you gotta do. 

Her friends might be right, though. It wouldn’t be practical to drag a man of that size out of a pit that deep, even if they managed to lure him into it and incapacitate him.

Where else then? 

Could they herd him toward the lake? No, he can probably swim just fine, and that’s in the opposite direction from where he’s already headed. Coach’s cave? No, that’s so far out there, and it’s dangerous for everyone involved. They could lose him down there just as easily as they could catch him. Are there any other physical barriers that would help them catch him?

“Shit cliff,” Gen declares in a proud whisper. The others nod. They can chase him there, startle him, disarm him, and if necessary…. 

Well, that won't be necessary, so she doesn't have to think about it. They’ll get his crossbow and get him back to camp and get rescued and everything will be fine. 

She tries not to think about how her dad expected the war to go: liberating heroes lure out the local threat, clear the country of communism, and come back home to thunderous applause. She tries not to think about how none of that happened and how naive she feels right now, running blindly into the fray. She tries not to think about a lot of things these days. It's easier that way. 

Chapter Text

Taissa Nadine Turner is decisive. She can see what needs to be done, and she always knows how to make it happen. Sure, she feels guilty and ashamed afterwards, but her feelings don’t matter. What matters is the goal, whatever it happens to be at a certain moment. It's been a lot of things over the years. 

Getting into Howard. Winning every game that it takes to get to nationals. Winning nationals. Keeping the lesbian rumors quiet enough that she can safely be with Van in the time that they can manage. Keeping Allie from destroying their chances at winning nationals. Getting the A. Winning the student body president election. Winning the debates it takes to get her to state and to nationals and to that pretty little feather in her cap. 

Those things haven’t mattered in a very long time. Now the questions are “how to build and maintain a shelter”, “how to keep the group from tearing each other apart”, and “how to keep everyone fed so they never have to… do what they did again”. 

Shauna has fallen to her knees. She glares up at Tai and demands, “Are you gonna fucking help me?” 

Tai reaches a hand out to hold the shoulder furthest from the injury and makes purposeful eye-contact. “Yeah. I’m gonna fucking help you.” Robin is standing awkwardly behind them, so Tai gestures for her to take Tai’s spot on the uninjured side. Robin holds onto Shauna tightly, trying to keep her upright. Tai adjusts her own position, moving to the injured side. The feathered back-end of the arrow juts out of Shauna’s chest. The pointed tip has gone in near her collarbone, and the area around it is a bloody mess. 

Tai’s always been squeamish about blood. Her mom wanted her to be a surgeon, but she’s just… couldn’t. She nearly vomited when she saw what happened to Allie. No, the nitty gritty of laws and conflict and fighting was always cleaner. No real danger of hurting someone, no real blood on her hands- 

Fuck, she should have taken A&P. She should have been a lifeguard with her cousin last summer instead of doing that internship with Wiskayok’s state senator in Trenton. She should have taken Misty’s fucking babysitter training. She should have told Shauna to suck it up and let her little hench-girlfriend stay. She should let Nat do it! Anything where her best friend’s life isn’t in her hands with no clue how to help her. 

“TAI!” Shauna shouts. Tai glances over, meeting Shauna’s desperate, scared eyes. It’s just like when Tai cradled her through the birth, when there was nothing she could do but hold her. After, when Tai could barely look at her, because it felt like she failed. She can’t do that again. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Tai assures her, “we’re gonna- we’re gonna get this.” She tears through her mind, trying to remember what they did for major puncture wounds in movies. 

Get it out as gently as possible. Stop the bleeding. Treat the wound so it doesn’t get infected as it heals. 

They don’t have anything they can use for that last step, but she needs to be ready for step two before she does step one. She needs something to stop the bleeding.  With the wound’s position near Shauna’s shoulder, they’ll need a piece of fabric that they can tie from her side over her shoulder. Tai is wearing jean shorts, which might be a strong, sturdy material, but likely wouldn’t wrap around tightly enough. Her shirt is a standard cotton, but she doubts that's the best option. She glances over at Robin, who’s wearing a soft, sheer pair of shorts and a fraying tank top. Well. Those won’t help. Shauna is still wearing her flannel top. Two long arms, buttons, and a sturdy material. 

Tai glances back down at the puncture wound. It goes through Shauna’s undershirt (Jackie’s butterfly top, coated in blood- God, Tai tries not to think about how gutted her friend will be with the loss of that) and right through Shauna’s red, plaid flannel. That fucking sucks. 

She turns to Shauna. “Okay. So. We need to get your flannel off. I’m gonna use it to stop the bleeding.” 

“Okay?” Shauna asks. 

“Robin. Gently help Shauna get that arm out, okay?” Robin nods, moving to the task with solemnity. 

“But- it’s caught, right?” Shauna asks, “like, the arrow went through it?” 

“Yeah,” Tai says, glancing over at Robin. “I need you to give me the arm and hold her firm.” 

Robin pulls the free arm of the flannel around Shauna’s back. Tai drapes it around Shauna’s other arm so that she can grab the entire shirt the moment the arrow is out. 

“I’m gonna pull the arrow out the front.” Tai reaches forward and gets a firm grip on the arrow, ensuring that she can pull in a straight line. 

Shauna’s eyes widen. “Uh, I don’t think that’s-”

“Three,” Tai says, trying to banish her worries from her voice, “two, one.” The moment she finishes speaking, she yanks on the wood. It meets resistance, a scary amount, but Tai just keeps pulling. It’s better out than in, right? They can’t just leave the thing in until they’re rescued. 

Shauna screams, but Tai gets it all the way out, untangling it from her flannel. Then, she and Robin get to work wrapping the back of the shirt around Shauna’s uninjured side and adjusting the shirt so that the material bunches near the wound. They wrap one arm around her back and tie a knot at her shoulder like a toga. Then they wrap the arms together under her armpit. 

“It’s not enough,” Tai mutters. They need the fabric to stay tight, or the chest wrapping won’t prevent the bleeding. It won’t save her it won’t- 

Tai rips her shirt off her back and adds it to the mess of fabric along Shauna’s side, tying tight knots along Shauna’s flannel, and makes a tiny tie from one bit of thread along the head hole that has come loose to wrap around Shauna’s belt loops. It’s still not pretty, but the wrapping isn’t in danger of coming off with the slightest movement. It's more of a sturdy triangle now, and that will keep the binding at the front more sturdy than a two point system ever would. 

“Okay,” Tai says, forcing herself to look at her handiwork, “that’s good. Let’s get you back to camp.” Shauna winces as she reaches for something on the ground. She tries to lean forward, but is stopped by Tai and Robin’s firm grasp. 

“Fuck,” Shauna says, “will you grab the arrow for me?" 

Tai frowns. “The arrow? Why do you want the arrow?” 

“It’s a weapon,” Shauna tells her, “we can’t just leave it out here.” Tai nods as she grabs it. Then, she snatches the bloody point off and breaks the rest, leaving it a broken pile of wood. 

Shauna just stares at her. “Why the fuck would you do that?” 

Tai frowns. “Do what?” 

“Just- break it!” Shauna says, “I wanted to get him back! Make him feel it!” 

“Oohhhh kay,” Tai says, “sounds like a little much, Shauna.” Now's not really the time for revenge fantasies. It's the time for thinking about the future and strategizing about how to get there. 

“The dude tried to kill me ,” Shauna tells her, “we can’t just let him walk! We didn't let Coach off the hook." Well, they certainly didn't let Coach walk. That was practical, though. He was a danger to them if they didn't do something. This guy- he'll become a danger to them if they do more than just imprison him. Robin glances nervously over at them. She wisely doesn’t add her opinion to a conversation that doesn't concern her. 

“Shauna,” Tai says, “Lottie already maimed a guy. We can’t hurt the others.” They might be able to convince Edwin that he was injured on accident, get him not to blab, but she can’t imagine anyone staying silent after something like that . 

“Why?” Shauna demands, “because they might tattle ?”

“Tattle? What are we, five ?” Shauna starts to say something, but Tai ignores her. Instead, she glances at Robin. “Take her feet, okay? I’ll hold under her back. It’ll be the easiest way to bring her to camp.” Robin nods quickly, and goes to take her feet. Tai places her hands gently under her friend’s back and lifts her up. 

Shauna turns her head toward Tai to glare up at her. “Come on. You’re practical. Do you really think we can let these people live?” 

Tai bites her lip. “I don’t- I-” 

“Hell,” Shauna says, “with what we’ve done, can we even go back?” 

Robin’s eyes widen. “What do you mean?” 

“Shut up,” Shauna orders, “the grownups are talking.” Robin blushes red and shuts her mouth. That’s for the best, honestly. Neither Tai nor Shauna care about her opinion here. 

Shauna turns her attention back to Tai. “Well, can we?” 

For the first time since this conversation started, Taissa finds herself doubting the answer to that. She refuses to let that doubt show, though. “Of course we can. This was just- we just survived. We had to .” 

Shauna laughs. “Come on, Tai. You don’t believe that.” Taissa feels the shame settle on her shoulders. All these things that they’ve done, coming to light? Whether they were right or not, no one out there will understand. They'll all think they're just a bunch of teenage girls who went crazy in the woods. They’ll be under microscopes. How can she see Van, even in secret? How can she go to Howard? Get a law degree? Get a job? If anyone finds out what they’ve done, they’re all headed for prison cells . Not exceptional athletes, star students, future business professionals- just dykes. Just killers. Just cannibals. 

“I-” Tai feels her air supply diminish, “I-” Robin is very clearly biting her lip to keep from speaking. 

“We’ll figure it out,” Tai promises, “whatever it is, we’ll get through it together." 

“Uh uh,” Shauna taunts, “that’s why you haven’t talked to me in months. That's getting through it together." 

“We’ll figure it out,” Tai repeats. They can have this conversation later, while Shauna’s not dangling between the two of them, while Robin’s not listening in like a mouse ready to chew through their important circuitry. When Tai can tell the difference between her fear of having to stay here and her fear of going back . 

“Fine.” Shauna doesn’t say another word for the rest of the trip back. Tai counts it as a blessing, even though Tai doesn’t tend to count her blessings. Her grandma did that, and her grandma's God gave her nothing but empty promises and end-of-life hallucinations. Van counts just about everything as a Blessing From the Wilderness. Tai doesn’t know if it’s either of those things, but it’s a huge relief nonetheless. Pure, blissful silence everywhere except in her head, where the worries still churn. 

Tai can ignore those worries, though. At least her shitty thoughts aren’t talking through private matters in front of a second stringer that could spread that shit through the camp. The less Robin knows about what's going on, the better.