Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Park Moondae never regretted becoming an idol. Sure it's hard work, and many don’t even become successful after years in the industry, but being on stage; in front of the fans and cheers, the thrill of performing always made everything worth it. Well, maybe minus the whole system and dying part. Still, Moondae wouldn't change a thing (except the damn system of course). 

So, even as Moondae sat here, with 10 headbands and accessories carefully stacked on his head, shaking hands and interacting with fans in front of him; he could never say he regretted being an idol. No matter how ridiculous it looked. Not even if that bastard, Lee Sejin, had been sneaking pictures left and right, and laughing loudly as he scrolled through the pictures. Moondae had certainly been close to regretting it though at that moment. 

“Pfft– ..Moondae-Moondae~ How can you still have that Tibetan Fox expression when all our precious Loviewers are here to see us! Smile big and wide so I can take a proper picture for all the fans that didn’t get a ticket ok~~”

Moondae glared at Sejin, face devoid of any emotion, truly like a Tibetan Fox.

‘This bastard… You sure are enjoying this huh..’

With a forced smile, Moondae slapped Sejin’s back that resounded with a sharp clap, making Sejin yelp in pain.

Scattered laughter was heard among the fans still in line, witnessing the hilarious scene unfolding.

“Don’t speak nonsense… Sorry about that Noona, this guy is a bit…- difficult to deal with.”

Moondae said with an apologetic smile, as he neatly signed the piece of paper in front of him with a puppy pen given to him by another fan. The fan merely shook her head with a shy smile, as she held onto his soft but rough hands delicately.

“Argh.. You're so mean Moondae-Moondae… Do you see how he’s treating me, Noona~? He's more like a devil than a puppy truly…”

Sejin sulked to the fan in front of him, holding her hand to his face as if to comfort himself; shamelessly oblivious to the flustered owner of the hand, barely able to get any words out.

“M-Moondae.. Are y-you thirsty…?”

Seoh Ahyeon looked at Moondae, holding out a bottle of water towards him.

“Th-The staff j-just passed it t-to us…”

Ahyeon said softly, he placed the bottle in front of him with a small smile.

“Oh, Thank you Ahyeon.”

Moondae bowed slightly, smiling gently in response as Ahyeon beamed brightly back, happy to be of help.

Moondae waved goodbye to the departing fan, as they moved onto the next member. He turned to see the next fan still talking to Sejin, as he quickly uncapped the bottle of water to drink from, not noticing that it was already opened. He drank a big gulp of water, thirsty from the talking and interactions, when a slight bitter taste lingered in his mouth afterwards. 

Furrowing his brows, Moondae checked the brand of water, not recognising the logo.

"H-Hi Moondae... Is there something wrong...?"

The next fan had arrived already, fidgeting with the gift in her hands as she looked at Moondae nervously. Moondae quickly capped the bottle and shook his head, smoothly starting to converse with the female fan as she got more comfortable with every word said. He subtly put the water bottle aside first, still talking with the fan in front of him. He decided to check it out later, as the fans came first for now.

What was the worst that could happen after all?

The dorm room door slammed open, as the members of Testar threaded in one by one. 

“Ah~ I'm beat~ We have an off day tomorrow right Chungwoo Hyung?”

Sejin questioned, flopping on the sofa, turning to the ever reliable Ryu Chungwoo as he entered the dorm, closing the door behind him.

“Yes we do, but we have an advertisement shoot scheduled the day after early in the morning so be sure to rest well, especially you Eugene. Don’t stay up all night playing again okay?”

Chungwoo said, facing Cha Eugene who just looked excited to play games, and was humming to an English pop song he heard at the fan meeting.

“Okayy Hyung~ Moondae Hyung! Come play games with me and Raebin! We need 3 people to play!”

Eugene called out happily, eagerly waving the game controllers at Raebin and Moondae.

“Eugene! Moondae Hyung probably wants to rest! You can play tomorrow!”

Kim Raebin scolded Eugene, who just puffed up his cheeks in response.

“He can rest tomorrow! I want to play now!”

Raebin and Eugene began arguing back and forth, ready to tear each other's hair apart right then and there.

Moondae, who was witnessing this scene, quickly walked away to his room, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. 

His head throbbed slightly, and his throat felt slightly parched from all the talking he did today. 

'Good thing we don't have any schedules for tomorrow… I doubt I can perform well right now…’

Moondae thought while massaging his head, as he went to wash up and get ready for bed early. He was feeling strangely tired but chalked it up as him pushing himself too hard. 

‘Haah… it's on days like these I miss you Bacchus…’

He cried internally… silently cursing the system like he usually did. After washing up, Moondae quickly got in bed, and grabbed the pills for headaches before popping a few in his mouth to consume.

“Are you sick again…?”

Bae Sejin, Moondae’s roommate at the time, cautiously asked, with a slightly worried expression and a half opened book in hand.

“Just a slight headache Hyung, I should feel better in the morning…” 

Sejin stared at Moondae suspiciously, but decided to back off for now.

“Just… let me know if it gets worse ok?”

Sejin replied seriously, concern etching his face. Moondae gave a curt nod, before turning to lie back down comfortably on his bed, letting his exhaustion overtake him as he succumbed to his sleep quickly. Sejin stared at Moondae for a while, before closing his book with a sigh, and turning off the light to let his Dongsaeng sleep soundly.

Moondae jerked up from his dreamless sleep, beads of sweat trailing down his face as nausea overcame him. A sharp pain shot through his stomach, as he subconsciously curled up into himself and let out a quiet involuntarily whimper. His head pounded and his throat screamed for water. Every movement shook his vision and his limbs felt like jello. He panted, trying to get a hold of his breath while simultaneously trying not to puke all over himself and the bed. 

‘D-damn I-it… Is this the system a-again..? But I didn’t get any notification this time…’

He thought wearily through his blurry sight, feeling his insides threatening to spill out from his parched throat. Moondae slowly sat up disoriented, wheezing as the pain in his insides grew. Shivers wrecked Moondae’s body, as he clutched onto his stomach like a lifeline; attempting to soothe the pain even just a little bit. Warmth radiated off him, yet he had never felt colder than this before. His skin felt clammy, glistening with newly shed sweat every second. 

Without much warning, a sudden gag made its way up his throat. Feeling his intestines twist and turn in his body. Sensing he could not stop what was about to come, he flew up from his bed, not caring for the noise he made in the process. He ran into the bathroom and collapsed over the toilet bowl, hunching as he hurled out the contents of his stomach. Blood pooled out of his mouth, as chunks of his undigested food fell into the toilet. Sharp pain jolted through his stomach every time he moved even the slightest, unable to control the slight twitches and spasms flowing through his body. A faint ringing sound echoed in his ears, shoving his face into the toilet as he continued to vomit uncontrollably.

Muffled and frantic shouts were heard around him, as if there was a wall standing between him and the voices. His brain felt like mush, as black spots clouded his sight, threatening to overcome him. He saw hands hovering over him, too unfocused to make out any other movement. His head felt like it was bursting; like it was about to be split apart. His insides felt like they were one fire, like had been overworked for years. His stomach felt by far the worst, as though he’d been stabbed multiple times through the gut. His mouth tasted like a mixture of vomit and blood, and burned like acid. The pain was unbearable now, as unconscious tears welled up in his bloodshot eyes, mixing in with the sweat and blood still dripping from his mouth. Blood vessels had popped from the pressure built up from the intense vomiting; as a tint of red washed over his hazy vision.

He could feel the members touching him, shaking and moving him slightly; as if trying to get his attention. Moondae could feel himself slipping, losing his grip on reality as waves of pain radiated off him. He barely made out their concerned and panicked faces surrounding him, with the ringing in his ear overpowering any other sound now. They crowded around him in the tiny bathroom, cradling him tightly. As if afraid that he would crumble apart any moment if they let go.

Moondae just wanted the pain to stop so bad, he couldn’t think straight anymore and had long lost all control in his limbs and senses.

Soon, his vision slowly faded out, despite the desperate pleas and cries of his band mates (family) yelling at him to stay awake. The ringing and noises around him were soon tuned out, becoming dead silent, as his sight gradually became consumed by the darkness.

And then, there was nothing left.

Chapter Text

In the living room of a certain Idol Group’s dorm, the frantic pushing of buttons could be heard from the Maknaes of Testar. Both were neck to neck in a race, determined to outdo each other by the end of it. Lee Sejin was next to both of them, lazily pressing the buttons tiredly, as he yawned and looked at the clock above the TV. 

“Hah! I beat you Kim Raebin!”

“That's only because you cheated you idiot! You’re not supposed to use both your hands to play! That's common sense!” 

Raebin leaped up from the couch they all were sitting on, pointing at Eugene accusingly.

“That's not cheating, I'm just playing smarter! You're the idiot, Idiot!”

Raebin let out a frustrated noise, throwing himself towards Eugene’s controller to grab it away from him. Eugene swiftly evaded his advances, and began to run away from the attacking bunny all over the dorm.

Sejin sighed, still sitting down on the couch and staring at the clock that showed a daunting 12 AM. Not wanting to become Eugene’s new “victim” after Moondae’s hasty retreat, the other members quickly began to disperse back into their own rooms; Avoiding their youngest. Unfortunately for Sejin, he had been the unlucky member Eugene had caught his next sight on, after failing to flee to his room. 

‘Haah… Is this my karma for making fun of Moondae-Moondae earlier…?’

An imaginary tear slipped past Sejin’s eye, as the Maknaes continued to bicker and chase each other like an old couple. Sejin slumped into the couch, tossing the controller aside as he silently watched his Dongsaengs rip each other apart. 

Stifling another yawn, he stood up slowly, stretching his stiff body before clapping his hands to catch the attention of the fighting Maknaes.

“Alright alright~ As much fun as this has been we better pack up and go to bed for the night~ This hyung is exhausted from the fan meeting today.”

‘Also Moondae would kill me if we woke him up by making too much noise…-’

“Hyung! Just one more game, I promise! I have to show this idiot Raebin I beat him fair and square…!”

“Eugene, if you stop playing now, you can play with both Raebin and Moondae tomorrow~”

‘Don’t hate me too much for this Moondae-Moondae..- It's every man for themselves and technically you ditched us first…!’

“Wow! Okay! I'll go to sleep right now!”

Eugene vanished from the living room into the toilet, leaving his controller on the floor, and a bewildered Raebin behind. Raebin, remembering that their respected hyung had took the time to play with them, began to thank Sejin and bowed multiple times, before chasing after Eugene into the bathroom.

“Eugene! You can’t just leave like that without thanking Sejin Hyung for playing with us!!”

Raebin’s muffled screams bounced off the room walls, slowly disappearing into nothing but silence in the once lively dorm. Sejin, now finally left alone, picked up the controllers discarded on the floor, before walking back to his room with another yawn.

“Haah..- Well I better go wash up no—”

A sharp, loud slam of a door pierced through the short calmness of the quiet home; interrupting Sejin mid sentence. Before he could wonder what was going on, soft and muffled sounds made its way to his ears; as all blood drained from his face.

“…Moondae…!?”

Before he knew it, he found himself sprinting for the source of the sound, tearing open the door to find a crumpled Moondae crouched over the toilet vomiting what looked like a mixture of food and blood. 

He looked deathly pale, his black swollen eye bags sticking out like a sore thumb as if he hasn’t slept in days. His cheeks were flushed unlike the rest of his bleached skin, as sweat trickled down his face like waterfalls. Shivers wrecked his body, as he slumped into the toilet bowl even more and puked his guts out. 

“Moondae..! W-What…-!”

“What's going on..!? I heard— …M-Moondae-!?”

Chungwoo appeared from the corner, followed by a timid Ahyeon right behind. Chungwoo turned white, witnessing the scene in front of him. Ahyeon gasped, seeing the state Moondae was in and clasped his hands over his mouth as they trembled slightly; unable to move or act. 

“Moondae! I got you, hyung’s got you… it's ok. J-Just try to breathe, in and out that's it..-”

Chungwoo was the first one to act, quickly snapping out of his stupor. He crouched over Moondae’s shaking form, gently patting his back hesitantly, afraid to hurt him if he used too much strength. Woken up by the noise, a groggy Bae Sejin peaked into the scene, all drowsiness vanishing from his face seeing his sickly Dongsaeng slumped over the toilet. 

“W-What… Chungwoo what…–”

“Hyung, call 119 right now… Th-There's something seriously wrong with Moondae…”

Bae Sejin, still terrified and confused, firmly nodded; quickly dialing 119 not wanting to waste any more precious time. Moondae had finally stopped vomiting shortly after, still leaned over the toilet bowl rasping slightly, eyes glazed with pain. He looked horrible to say the least, his skin ashen white with blood still trickling out of his mouth. Red blotches coated his now drenched shirt and eyes, filled with tears, sweat and blood.

‘Thats.. so much blood… Why is there so much blood…? Isn’t that supposed to stay inside him… Why…- …Why isn’t it staying inside him…?’

Sejin stood shell shocked, eyes locking onto Moondae’s shaking frame, clenching his fist tightly till his palms turned white.

‘Why… Why.. Why.. WHY…? Why is it always…’

[ Smoke filled the car as Sejin slowly regained his vision from the sudden collision. His head pounded, as the ringing in his ears were gradually replaced by coughing and groans from all around him. He quickly stood up despite his aching body, surveying his group mates' conditions; praying against the worst. 

“Ugh… Is everybody okay…–!”

Then, he saw it. Blood splattered everywhere, still dripping from the metal object protruding from his best friend’s – his brother’s, chest. Blood that should be inside him, still staining and being absorbed by his white shirt — the puddle beneath him kept growing wider, and wider. He looked so peaceful dead , like he was finally catching up on all the sleep he had been missing all these days he would never awake again . 

”One day you’ll drop dead in your twenties!”

Sejin limped towards him, tripping almost every step of the way. The car had never felt emptier, every stride echoing through the car walls. He reached out to Moondae’s still body with trembling hands, feeling like he was the farthest away he had ever been from the boy despite being so close at the same time.

“M-Moondae…”

Sejin gently caressed his cheek, ice cold to the touch.

“Moondae… Moondae-ya th-this isn’t funny…”

Nothing. No death glare, no strained smiles or annoyed glances. No expressionless faces or exasperated sighs. No reaction, no life. Just the same peaceful face, as if welcoming death to take him at any moment.

“No…- No no no no no… Moondae… Moondae..! Wake up…- PLEASE…! …MOONDAE–!” ]

The scene flashed before his eyes, emotions welling inside of him. It was unfair how God could be so cruel to one person their whole life. It wasn't right. None of this was.

‘He doesn't deserve this… Any of this… It shouldn't be him… Why is it always him? He’s a good person… their good people… It shouldn't be them… It should’ve been m—’

“Sejin! Come help me… please.”

Sejin snapped back to reality, Chungwoo now holding Moondae up right, leaning him against him to help his breathing. Ahyeon was next to him, squeezing his hand softly as he watched over Moondae’s pained expression, still gasping for air. Raebin and Eugene had slipped into the bathroom too at some point, standing at the far corner, squeezing each other's hands tightly looking at Moondae with glassy expressions. 

“...Right..- right! Sorry Hyung…”

Sejin quickly helped lift Moondae into a more comfortable position, silently running his fingers through his damp hair, watching his tense face soften just a little. His eyes began to flutter, as if it became too much to keep them open. His body relaxed into Chungwoo’s grip, all the strength seemingly evaporating in an instant. 

“M-Moondae..!?”

“H-Hey Moondae, wake up! Don’t sleep yet..- please..!”

“Moondae! The ambulance is almost here, just stay awake for a bit longer… Moondae!?”

Chungwoo shook him frantically, desperately trying to do anything to get Moondae to stay awake for just a while longer. Moondae’s glossy eyes rolled back into his eyelids, as his body started to seize uncontrollably. 

“H-He’s having a seizure..!”

Pink foam bubbled out of his mouth, as pained whimpers filled the tiny bathroom. Chungwoo quickly held onto his body gently, careful not to hurt him, as Sejin held tightly onto his legs, stopping them from flailing about. Moondae’s breath hitched, as gurgling erupted through the pink foam falling from his mouth. Bae Sejin ran through the bathroom door, announcing that the paramedics were downstairs and arriving soon. He looked down only to cut himself off mid sentence, horrified as he stared at Moondae's critical condition. Bae Sejin quickly rushed off to get help quicker, as Ahyeon, Eugene and Raebin stayed huddled up in the corner of the bathroom, trembling at the sight of their friend family bloody and broken before them. 

Sejin stayed in place, firmly holding onto Moondae’s legs, even as the tremors died down to only small twitches. He stared at Moondae’s slack face, pink foam overflowing from his mouth, as some blood dripped down the corner of his lips. 

[ “Moondae… Moondae-ya th-this isn’t funny…” ]

Sejin’s breath quickened, as memories flashed by once again. The scene of Moondae’s battered bloody body, moments away from death, kept replaying in his mind; like an endless loop with no pause button. He didn’t want this. He never wanted any of this. Why does this keep happening? Why is this happening?

[ “No…- No no no no no… Moondae… Moondae..! Wake up…- PLEASE…! …MOONDA–!” ]

“Sejin! Do you want to ride the ambulance with him?”

Sejin blinked back to focus, he found himself outside the dorm, paramedics loading Moondae into the ambulance, hooking all types of machines and wires into him. The other members were seen beside the ambulance, still trembling from the shock and grief as they held onto each other tightly, not wanting to be alone at that moment.

“Sejin…?”

Sejin looked back at Chungwoo, his hair was a mess, unstyled and tossed in sweat. His clothes had stains of Moondae’s blood on them, an eternal reminder of what happened tonight. Behind his strong facade, Sejin could still see the slight tremor in his hand, still shaking from the adrenaline and fear in his body.

“...What about the other members?”

“I’ll call our manager and tell them what happened. I’ll drive the kids to the hospital later but you... You can go with him first.”

Chungwoo smiled slightly, lifting a hand to squeeze Sejin’s shoulder. Sejin’s eyes glistened with emotion as he squeezed back. 

“...Thank you… Hyung… You don’t have to act strong for us, I know you're having a hard time too…”

Sejin patted Chungwoo’s hand, sitting in the ambulance as the paramedics closed the door ready to depart. Chungwoo was left alone in his thoughts, shakily running a hand through his fingers as he rubbed some of Moondae’s blood off his face. He can’t break yet. The others needed him, their leader, their brother. Chungwoo took a deep breath, grounding himself before going to his group mates as they sent the ambulance off, sirens still echoing through the dark town.

“H-Hyung…”

Raebin muttered, hands still balled into fists as he looked down on the ground, glaring holes on the floor as tears were already falling onto the dirty pavements. Eugene, the ever so loud Maknae was now dead silent, still staring at the direction where the ambulance had driven off. Ahyeon, was clutching onto a crocheted Dog plushie, holding it so tight it looked like the stuffing was about to burst out. Bae Sejin was rubbing Raebin’s back affectionately, holding back tears as guilt washed over him for not noticing the signs earlier.

“Hyung…”

Eugene spoke softly, unlike his usual boisterous demeanour. Chungwoo looked up at Eugene kindly, his heart breaking into a million pieces as he saw the ever strong hearted youngest burst into silent tears. He trudged over to Eugene and gave him a warm tender hug, as Eugene clutched onto the back of Chungwoo’s shirt and wept into his shoulder. The group stood in silence between the two, sobs breaking the quiet night as the absence of two people could be greatly felt.

Chapter Text

Sirens wailed through the night, as a flash of blue and red sped through the city. Sejin hesitantly held onto Moondae’s pale white hand, clammy with sweat and dried up blood. 

He lay strapped onto the stretcher, lifeless as his head lolled to the side. The lights shone harshly onto his porcelain skin, a harsh contrast to the flush rising from his cheeks. Beads of sweat trickled down Moondae’s forehead, as an oxygen mask clung onto his face; breathing still shallow and strained. 

Paramedics fretted around the man, hands moving quickly as they spoke in medical terms Sejin couldn’t even begin to comprehend. He squeezed Moondae’s hand gently, careful not to hurt him, as tears formed in his dull brown eyes. 

“Please… Please be okay… Don’t worry about anything else and just… just be okay, please…”

Sejin brought his limp hand to his face tenderly, rubbing his thumb over his hand, silently praying to gods he didn’t even know existed. Praying to anybody who could hear him.

“Blood Pressure low and dropping, 80 over 50!” 

“Pulse, weak and thready. 160 bpm — still tachycardic.” 

More IV lines were inserted into Moondae’s veins, as monitors around him screeched in a frantic rhythm. The IV bags swayed, as the paramedics worked around the small ambulance, determined to save his life. 

Moondae let out soft groan, twitching slightly as his breathing sped up even more. His eyes fluttered open briefly, bloodshot and unfocused, as a wave of nausea washed over him all at once. 

Everything was too much, the blaring lights glared in his face, as he felt hands touching and poking him everywhere. He felt cold, like he had been dunked in ice cold water and left out in the winter to freeze. Sirens were screaming around him, as the machines beeped rapidly. His stomach churned again, nothing left inside to throw up as he weakly gagged in response. His mouth tasted like metal and acid, too disorientated to think clearly about anything. His limbs felt like they had weights installed to them, too heavy and weak to move.

“Sir, can you hear me? Stay with me, try not to fall asleep.”

Moondae wanted to respond, to say anything, to question what the hell was going on; but all that came out was a garbled moan. His tongue felt out of place, as his head pounded; feeling the blood rush through his body. His throat was on fire, screaming for a cup of water. He felt like he was drowning, it felt too hard to breathe and his surroundings were becoming too garbled to make out; like he was floating in the middle of the sea. 

His eyelids grew heavy, his chest aching as every breath felt like glass scraping his lungs. Everything was flashing, as more hands touched his dazed body, muffled shouts yelling all around him. Everything felt like too much. He just wanted the pain to go away. He just wanted to go home, back to the dorm, back with his members family.

Soon staying awake became too much for him, slumping back limply on the stretcher, fading from reality once again.

“Sir… Sir!? He fell unconscious again, get another line now!”

Another paramedic pushed the new IV into Moondae’s unconscious body, adding to the collection of wires poking out of him. Another pulled out a bright penlight, shining it into Moondae’s eyes, lifting his eyelids looking intensely for a reaction.

“His pupils are barely reactive, what's the ETA to the hospital”

“5 minutes, tell them to prep for an intubation and a full tox screen, he’s fading fast.”

The ECG began to spike irregularly, ear piercing noises filling the tiny vehicle as the paramedics barked orders at each other to help stabilise the patient. Their hands worked tirelessly, as Sejin stared at his best friend’s sunken face, wishing this was all just a nightmare. His hand still connected with Moondae’s, feeling cold to the touch. Almost like he had already passed on. The monitors continued to whine urgently, as silent tears fell on their intertwined hands. 

He felt pathetic, helpless, as he watched his friend, his brother, slip away right in front of him; unable to do anything but watch. He wanted to scream, to cry, to shout and yell to ask why this would happen. Ask himself how he could let this happen again. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t manage to utter a single word. He could only sit there, and watch on the sidelines as his family fought for his life, for a second time. Uselessly watching him. 

“Pull through Moondae… We still need you… I still need you… Please don’t leave so soon… P-Please..” 

Sejin wrapped both of his hands around Moondade’s, gingerly placing it on his forehead, weeping into his icy touch. Sejin knew he could not reach him, that he was too far away to feel his tears and sorrow. He couldn't hear his pleas or cries, or see his dishevelled self next to him, praying so hard just for him to come back in one piece. Sejin was quickly crumbling apart, barely holding himself together as more cracks formed in his aching heart. The frantic beeping of the monitors were still fast and irregular, as Moondae’s breathing still remained quick and shallow. The machines were practically screaming now, the paramedics doing everything they could to stabilise his condition. For a moment, Sejin allowed himself to think it would be okay, that this would be all over soon. That they could all be together again, that they would go back to normal, laughing and happy, not broken and hurting separated. He allowed himself to hope, to dream and pray of a better future after all of this. That Moondae would get better, and they would be whole again. 

These hopes and dreams soon came crashing down, as the cold wave of reality washed over him. Life had never been fair to him right? All it took was a second.

In a single second, a long, shrill note reverberated throughout the entire ambulance. Bringing dread to those who heard it. 

Moondae’s heart had stopped.

Moondae’s heart had just fucking stopped .

“He’s going into Cardiac Arrest! Start CPR now!”

The stretcher shook as they started pushing down on to Moondae’s chest rhythmically, tearing the oxygen mask away from his face as they manually pumped air into his now still lungs. Sejin stared at the scene, feeling like a stranger in his own story. Every push seemed slow, as time felt warped, like it had stopped in that very moment. 

“Inject the Epinephrine into him now! We need to get a heartbeat established.”

“Still no rhythm, he’s asystole, charge the paddles.”

Everything was moving in slow motion, as he saw the paramedics desperately try to pump the life back into Moondae. The chaotic sounds around him were tuned out, only hearing the screeching sound of his heart flatlining. Sejin’s breathing began to pick up, feeling like the world had stopped rotating all at once. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Moondae’s vacant face, a tint of blue already making its way to his eyes and lips. He felt someone wordlessly remove his grip from Moondae’s still hands, muffled reassurances overpowered by the unwavering ringing of the flatline in his ears. 

“Clear!”

Moondae’s body jolted up with a shock, remaining unresponsive and un reactive to the world around him. The compressions started again, bruises forming on his sickly exposed chest, his heart refusing to start again. 

Sejin’s own heart drummed against his ribcage, his breathing fast and unsteady; as if he couldn't get enough into him. A broken cry made its way up his throat, as he covered his mouth to stifle the sobs threatening to spill out of his lips. His lungs felt like they were set aflame, as his chest heaved heavily trying to suck in the sterile air in the ambulance. Moondae can’t die. He doesn’t want Moondae to die. Not like this. Not here.

He forced his eyes away from his pallid face, focusing on green the line forming on the monitor above.

‘Moondae…’

“Clear!”

Another shock, his heart quivering slightly, still no energy to start on its own. The compressions started once again, creating a devastating cycle of life and death. The silence was deafening, paramedics becoming more frantic as the situation became more and more grave. 

‘Moondae… Please…’

“Clear!”

Moondae’s back arched, flopping back on the table stiffly as they tried to bring him back to life again. Head sagging about as his body grew colder and colder with each failed attempt.

‘You can’t… this can’t end like this… We can’t end like this… Comeback…’

Moondae’s eyes stayed stubbornly closed, lips slightly parted as air forcefully pushed its way through his body. His heart being urged to beat, with every push and compression.

‘Comeback Moondae..’

“Clear!”

“Moondae comeback!”

The energy coursed through his battered body once more, as his blue tinted body fell back on the stretcher with a jerk. A sharp knife cut through the tension, as a frail and faint beep sounded through the machine. 

Sighs of relief resonated in the ambulance, as Sejin shakily fell back into the chair, staring at the fragile blips showing on the monitors. Moondae wasn’t dead. He’s still here. He’s not dead.

“Weak rhythm, pulse present but still faint. What's our ETA?”

“60 seconds, we need to try to stabilise him before getting to the ER”

The ambulance swerved to a stop, doors bursting open as the paramedics rushed Moondae into the Emergency Room. It was chaotic to say the least, doctors and nurses rushed past, swarming around Moondae like bees to honey. Sejin rushed to follow along, clinging next to Moondae staring at his pained complexion. He gently brushed the damp hair off his face, clasping onto his twitching hands to soothe them even just a bit. 

“…Barely got back a pulse… Run… full diagnosis… shallow breathing… unstable… Still critical… Move to the trauma room…”

Doctors and nurses buzzed around Sejin, tuning them all out to focus on Moondae’s ragged breaths, as each exhale clouded the oxygen mask. He’s still alive, he’s not dead. Moondae’s not dead.

“I'm sorry Sir, I'm afraid you can’t enter from here on out. Please wait outside, we’ll do our best to take care of him.” 

The nurse stopped him from following any further, quickly disappearing behind the doors bringing Moondae along. Sejin stood there, unable to move, speak or even cry. Staring at the lifeless blanched body of his closest friend, wheeled into the daunting hospital doors labelled “Emergency Care”. 

He stood there, not moving an inch, not making a single sound. 

“Sejin!”

Chungwoo ran from around the corner, quickly followed by the other members, worry and tear streaks coating their face. 

“Sejin, how’s Moondae… He’s okay right..?”

Chungwoo stopped in front of Sejin, touching him gently, checking over his condition as he looked around the hospital for his other band mate brother. Sejin merely stared at him numbly, his glazed eyes dazedly looking at all the other members before landing back on Chungwoo. 

“Moondae… he…”

Sejin paused, as his fists clenched tightly around his palms, biting his trembling lips till they bled slightly. Blood trickled down his mouth as he parted open his mouth to talk again. His eyes wavered as he shut them tightly, afraid that his tears would fall if he were to open them again.

“H-he…-”

Blood dripped from his closed hands as Sejin’s impassive expression began to falter. He dropped to his knees, breaking into gut wrenching wails; unable to hold in his emotions any longer. The other members watched silently, tears forming in their eyes as they watched their ever so resilient friend break down again like after the accident. 

They silently cuddled up against him, not a single word spoken between them as sobs wrecked through their bodies; creating a small puddle on the floor.

Wails and cries echoed through the empty hospital walls, as they felt their heart shattering all together at once. They wept together, just wanting their group — their family to be whole again. They sat on the cold unforgiving floor, huddled up together; waiting for their last member.

Chapter Text

Uneasy silence fell over all the members, with occasional sniffles or whispering prayers interrupting it every now and then. It had been a full hour since they took Moondae away, since they wailed on the cold hospital floor, hugging each other afraid to let go. Had been a full hour since Sejin had seen Moondae’s empty shell of a body, since he had seen his best friend almost die right in front of him. He let out a shaky breath, turning to see the other members blankly staring at the door Moondae had been whisked away into. 

He would be okay, he had to be okay. There was no other choice.

Suddenly, the door slid open, making all the members slip out of thought as they visibly flinched. A doctor holding a clipboard flipping through the pages walked over to them, eyeing them all once over with a heavy look behind her eyes. They all stood up, half walking half running to the mysterious doctor in hopes for news about their friend.

“Good morning, you all are here for Park Moondae, correct? May I ask what relation you have with him and where his family is at the moment?”

They all stood still, Chungwoo being the first one to step up.

“Yes that's correct, Moondae… He… His family was lost in an accident.. Were his group mates.. And... family.”

Dr. Kim’s face did not falter, merely nodding back, choosing not to question them any longer.

“I see, My name is Dr. Kim, I’ve been overseeing Moondae since his arrival last night."

She paused, scanning their faces, seeing the fear, the questions… the fragile hope. She was familiar with that feeling all too well.

"I know this is an incredibly difficult time. Thank you for your patience. I’d like to walk you through what we know so far, and what we’re doing."

She sat down, folding her hands in her lap. The other members looked at each other hesitantly, worry outlining their faces as they sat down with her.

"When he arrived at the emergency department, he was showing signs of severe gastrointestinal distress : vomiting, internal bleeding, and dangerously low blood pressure. Blood tests revealed signs of acute liver stress and cell damage, far beyond what we see in most infections or foodborne toxins."

She took a slow breath.

"Based on the clinical picture, we believe he ingested a toxic substance known as ricin."

The word landed with a weight in the air, as gasps of shock fluttered throughout the members.

“T-Toxic substance..? Like poison…?”

Bae Sejin asked, eyes widening at the implication of what he was saying. Someone had poisoned Moondae, someone wanted to kill him. Lee Sejin’s stomach churned, threatening to spill whatever contents that were still inside him. Dr. Kim nodded slowly, face pressed as she flipped through the pages of his diagnosis once more.

"Yes. Ricin is a highly potent toxin derived from the castor bean plant. It’s not something you’d encounter accidentally. A dose as small as a few milligrams, less than a pinhead, is enough to be fatal."

She pauses, giving the words space to settle.

"When ricin is ingested, it binds to cell surfaces and blocks their ability to make proteins — something every cell in the body needs to survive. It doesn’t just target one organ. It affects the stomach lining, liver, kidneys, heart, and eventually the lungs and brain."

A heavy feeling of terror washed all over them. Moondae was…

“I-Is he going to die..?”

Chungwoo asked, hands trembling as his eyes watered once more. He couldn’t imagine the thought of Moondae dying, especially not like this, it made him sick. Dr. Kim adjusted her glasses, seemingly contemplating on what to tell the clearly shaken members.

"Not necessarily. It depends on the dose, how early treatment starts, and how the body responds. There is no known antidote to ricin. All we can do is support his body, keep him hydrated, stabilise blood pressure, support his breathing, and monitor for signs of organ failure."

"Right now, his still in critical condition. We’ve moved him to the intensive care unit to monitor. He’s on a ventilator at the moment, and we’re watching his kidney and liver function hour by hour."

"....Can he still get worse?"

It was Raebin who asked this time, eyes not even looking up to address the doctor but she didn’t seem to mind. 

"Yes. It’s possible. Even if he seems stable for a while, his condition could shift very suddenly — especially in the first 24 to 48 hours. That’s the danger with ricin. It’s unpredictable. We’re doing everything in our power to keep Moondae stable, you have my word."

She let them absorb her words, watching their faces fold inward with grief, fear, disbelief. She felt a pang of guilt rush through her, regretting not being able to do more to help. Dr. Kim couldn’t help but feel a little jealous of her patient's strong friendship.

"I know this is overwhelming. And I know there are still so many questions we don’t have answers to — about how this happened, or why. But right now, our focus is keeping him alive. We’ll be here with him every step of the way. And with you."

She stood slowly, placing a hand on Bae Sejin’s shoulder, whose body seemed to shake with tears. The other members seemed lost in thought, subconsciously clenching their fist as more tears ran down their faces. It was truly a pitiful sight.

"I’ll update you the moment there’s any change. And you can come see him shortly, if you’d like."

Dr. Kim said in a soft tone, quietly leaving behind only the hushed hum of the hospital and the fragile breath of a family holding on to hope.

[ Official TeSTAR ] 12/5/202X, 8.34 A.M

Hello and Good Evening to those reading this statement, we are saddened to announce the recent hospitalisation of our artist, Park Moondae, due to underlying health issues on 11 May 202X. 

We ask for your kind understanding that all group activities involving TeSTAR, has been postponed until further notice. We apologise for the unfortunate news, and ask that you be respectful to Moondae and TeStars privacy during this period. 

Thank you for your support, and we wish Park Moondae a speedy recovery. 

– T1 Stars Management

— WHAT..? WHAT HAPPENED TO MOONDAE?? ㅠㅠ [crying emoticon]

— This damn company is not telling us anything again… I bet these fuckers overworked our kids till they collapsed like always.. 

— Aish I hate these fuckers… Hey, When are you going to properly manage our kids you damn corporate bastards 

— Moondae… Please be okay ㅠㅠ

└ Ahhh I hope he doesn't retire early at this rate… 

└ NOOO MOONDAE YOU CAN’T RETIRE ㅠㅠ

— Ugh… Gommeo strikes again… Is he finally going to leave TeSTAR and stop causing problems for the group lolol ㅋㄷ [laughing emoticon]

└ You guys are the worst, go back to your moms basement and get a life~ ^^ㅗ [emoticon for middle finger]

— No but what is actually going on?? He looked just fine at the fan meeting yesterday???

— ㅇㅇ Something fishy is going around here… [ㅇㅇ emoticon for agreeing with someone] 

— Can someone please tell us more fucking information. They didn’t even tell us anything about what happened… 

└ Maybe the company is actually to blame for what happened hence the vagueness… ;;; [emoticon for sweating]

— He was hospitalised only a few hours after the fanmeeting so wtf could have happened in between?? No way the company made them practice that late at night right… ;;;;;;

└ ㄴㄴ The company may actually be that crazy…. [ㄴㄴ emoticon for disagreeing with someone]

— They didn’t even tell us when he was hospitalised until, aish this stupid company… 

— I bet Gommeo is just overreacting again and this is actually for nothing~~ Gommeo please finally die ^^

└ ㄷㅊ You people make me sick. Have some empathy for once you bastards.. ㅗㅗ [ㄷㅊ emoticon for shut up]

— HOLY CRAP GUYS someone just posted a video of Moondae being loaded into the ambulance- (Pixelated and zoomed in video of Moondae looking sickly with vomit and blood)

└ Aish… The trolls are here again fuck… Just go away please ㅉㅉ [emoticon for smh]

└ But that looks kind of real though…?

└ Wtf that might actually be them… That's Lee Sejin right there..- ㄷㄷ [emoticon for shivering out of fear or amazement]

— Omg… What's wrong with Moondae? Why did he look like that???

— WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING- THAT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE A REGULAR COLLAPSING TO ME-

— ㅇㅇ Yeah there’s definitely something waayy bigger here… ;;;; What are you hiding company bastards?

└ They’ve always been suspicious since they tried to hide the truth behind that car accident…

└ Arghh why does it always have to be my Moonpuppy getting hurt though… ㅜ.ㅜ

└ I wish I could lock him up and keep him safe for the rest of his life…

└ ㄷㄷㄴㄴ Gommeo fans never fail to scare me.

— Damn… Moondae’s hospital got leaked and now there are crowds of people surrounding the hospital…. What is the company even doing wtf.

— TeStar saesangs are actually crazy… This is giving me goosebumps… ㄷㄷ

└ ㅇㅇ I hope they don’t do anything to the kids… They have suffered enough already… ㅠㅠ

— LMAO This is actually insane… I need popcorn for this ㅋㅋㅋ [emoticon for LOL]

└ I'm too tired to even reply to people like you. Get a grip, this is reality asshole. 

— As usual, the company is doing a shit job at managing their stars and fans…^^

— Moondae’s condition looked actually serious though… What do y’all think happened?

└ Why can’t you guys just accept the fact that he might just actually be sick and nothing else??

└ Maybe because he looked like he has been through world war 3 and is on the verge of death????? Stop trying to start things and let us worry.

└ ㅇㅇ

— This is too much… someone talk to me when they release more info on Moondae’s condition…

└ 22222…

└ 33333 

[The numbers mean like me too or agreeing with them basically]

— My friend works as a nurse at that hospital and she said its fucking crazy there rn ;;;;

└ Does she know anything about Moondae’s condition???

└ She’s not assigned to him so unfortunately no… ㅜ_ㅜ

— Apparently, an insider friend of mine said Moondae was poisoned.. ㅇㅁㅇ [emoticon for being shocked]

└ ehhh no way~ the aggro is so obvious at this point.. go die you trash~~ ^–^

└ He does kind of look like was poisoned though, just from the blood alone… ^^;;

└ Still, who tf hates an innocent Idol so much to the point they poison them?? Sounds like a stretch to me ㅎㅎㅎ [emoticon for haha]

└ Well you’ve clearly never met a saesang before.. ㅍㅎㅎ [emoticon for peuhaha (laughing)]

— WTF… SOMEONE LEAKED MOONDAE’S HOSPITAL RECORDS– (link to pictures of his records and diagnosis)

└ Okay, what. This has gone way too far.. Respect the man’s privacy like what the actual fuck.

└ ㅇㅇ You guys are acting more like psychos than fans… I feel so bad for Moondae..

— WHO TF LEAKED THE DOCUMENTS?? ISN’T THAT ILLEGAL- This is so messed up…

— Wait… POISONED??? IS THIS FR?? SOMEONE TELL ME NO ㅠㅠㅠㅠ

— Holy shit ricin poison??? Isn’t that like really fucking deadly or something…

└ Medical professional here, It's actually one of the worst poisons out there and it's pretty hard to get, but it doesn’t really have a cure so its could go both ways.

└ wtf who would do that to Moondae?? This is so messed up…

— Guys don’t read anything thats leaked, it’s illegal and a huge invasion for Moondae and TeStars privacy. Just wait for the company’s statement gosh…

└ Uhh yeah you can go do that and wait for a century before those management cows decide to spill anything, i’ll just read it first thx.. ㅋㅋ

└ Don’t you dare call yourselves fans after this.. you disgust me. 

— I'm so overwhelmed right now… I just need the company to release a fucking official statement right now..

— Until the company says anything, I'm not believing jack shit.

— Holy crud people outside the hospital are rioting now, some even brought signs to protest against T1… ㄷㄷ

└ ㄷㄷㄷㄷ TeStar fans built different…

└ ㅇㅇ Kpop fans in general actually… ;;;

— I wish all of this was just a dream and Moondae is fine… 

└ 2222.. ㅠ.ㅠ

└ 33333333….

└ 444444444444 ㅜㅜ

— So basically… Moondae is out here fighting for his life and the company trying to cover it all up?? Something’s not adding up here..

└ 2222 Like how would someone poison him and when??

└ Ricin poison takes about 6 hours for symptoms to show so it must’ve been during the fan meeting

└ Does that mean a ‘fan’ did it..??? Is that why they're trying to cover it up??? ㅇㅁㅇ

└ This is fucking big… ㅋㄷ [emoticon for laughing]

— His records show that the poison was ingested so it must be the staff since fans aren’t allowed to give TeStar things to eat….

└ So it was the companies damn fault in the end… fuckers.

— I was watching the whole fancam of Moondae from the fanmeet and his face scrunched up slightly after drinking this water bottle at 53:17 (link to video of Moondae’s fancam)

└ Holy crap your right ;;; 

└ Wasn’t it Seoh Ahyeon who gave him the bottle????? Does that mean he did it..???

└ Nah no way ㄴㄴ He doesn’t have the guts to do that… The kid crochets for goodness sake

└ It's always the innocent looking ones…

└ Fuck, you trolls stop using this opportunity to bash our baby Ahyeon fuckers ㅗㅗㅗ

— Ahyeon got the bottle from someone else… This person in the black hat and mask (pixelated screenshot of Ahyeon receiving the bottle)

└ So it was a staff????

└ Fucking big ass company and they can’t even hire the right people!!??

└ Honestly.. doesn't she look a bit off…? She also wasn’t wearing a staff tag…

└ No way.. They let someone else sneak in??? Thats way fucking worse what the actual fuck. 

└ Im sueing T1 if Moondae dies. Idgaf what the hell is this shit.

— I'm just praying Moondae gets out okay… I'm actually shaking so hard right now…

— Idc about anything else at this point, we can destroy the company later after Moondae gets better… ㅠ_ㅠ

└ 22222 #Pray4Moondae Please get better… ㅠㅠ

— I wonder how the other members feel about all this… My heart is breaking omg.. ㅜㅜ

— I hope they aren’t looking at social media right now and just focus on Moondae… they don’t need to see all this right now

└ 22222…

└ 333… This is actually so devastating…

— My heart gives out to all the members.. Fighting! #Pray4Moondae

In a cramped, dimly lit room, the glow of a computer screen cast harsh shadows across peeling walls and cluttered floors. A hunched figure sat motionless, shoulders tense, their bitten nails tapping anxiously against the desk. The only light came from the flickering monitor, illuminating the chaotic gallery of TeStar posters, each one vandalized with violent precision. Each photo had one member carefully cut out, plastered all around her with care.

All except one.

At the center of the desk, pinned to the wood by a pair of rusted scissors, was a photo — the last untouched face. The paper around it was torn and smeared, evidence of repeated assaults. The figure stared at it with hollow, furious eyes.

"It was supposed to be you..."

Their voice cracked, breath hitching as they clenched a crumpled paper in their fist, the torn remains of the member's body. With a single twist, they ripped it from the pinned head, leaving only the face behind, still pierced through the eyes.

"Why won’t you just disappear... Why… Why you?!"

The chair scraped violently across the floor as they stood, sending it crashing back with a deafening clang. Without hesitation, they seized a second pair of scissors and began stabbing the pinned face over and over — paper tearing, wood splintering — until the image was nothing but shreds and pieces.

"I’ll kill you..."

They staggered back, panting, then lunged for the door, throwing it open so hard it left fresh cracks in the drywall. Their silhouette vanished into the hallway like a shadow slipping free.

"I’ll kill you, Seoh Ahyeon."