Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You’d be faster if instead of talking, you breathed,” Maya suggested.

“Not all of us thrive for the gold, ya know? Some of us take joy in-”

“Watch it,” Maya warned, smiling at her friend’s train of thought. “We’re in public.” She added.

“You’re so boring,” 

Maya could hear the pout in Vic’s voice, so she took pity on her. “Come on, catch me up,” she relented her pace enough for Vic to reach her side, only to sprint away right then. “If you can!” She shouted over her shoulder, chortling at Vic’s whine. 

The morning sun that warmed her face as the trees passed by her with every step she took and the sound of shoes hitting the floor calming her senses, only added to the moment, laughing freely at Vic’s complaints a few meters behind.

The upcoming days off were a welcomed break after a few eventful shifts. She didn’t know why, but it seemed the city decided to become chaotic this time of year. So when Vic suggested they go for a run before their camping trip so they all could actually catch up on Maya’s ventures on the other side of the country, Maya eagerly accepted. 

It was a nice way to feel back home before she got swamped by questions and whatnot from her beloved family.

“I don’t know why she keeps challenging me,” Maya mused as she stretched her limbs by the park bench where Andy decided to just wait for them.

Sipping on her coffee, Andy stated, “It’s Vic,”

“Right,” Maya giggled, fetching Andy’s coffee cup to take a sip.

“The cart is a few meters in that direction,” the Latina grumbled, pointing to her right.

“I’d rather drink gasoline,”

Sitting by Andy’s side, she pulled up her phone, checking on the timer she had to track her friend. Allowing the chirping of the birds around them and the few patrons who decided to enjoy the rare sunny day, to surround them.

“There she is,” Andy broke the silence.

“Like clockwork,” Maya giggled as she bumped her fist against Andy’s.

“Don’t,” Vic doubled over, resting her hands on her knees once she reached them. “Don’t wanna hear it,” she panted heavily, frowning at her erratic breath.

“I’m telling you. There are better ways to die,” Andy crackled, making Maya choke on her saliva, laughing hysterically.

“Oh, boy. I love you,” she smiled toothily, her laughter calmer, now.

“And I hate you,” Vic pouted, sprawling on the floor at their feet.

The three of them sat calmly under the warming sun, teasing each other and planning their upcoming fundraiser for the free clinic Captain Herrera had proposed when they saw a smiling little girl running towards them, screaming Maya’s name as if they’d been friends all their life.

“Look, your lost daughter is here,” Andy joked as Maya stood up, preparing for the impact. But before she could reach them, her little feet tangled up, sending the toddler face-first towards the floor.

“Oh my God, Fran!” Maya sprinted towards the crying girl, picking her up and cupping her bloody face. “It’s okay, you’ll be okay,” she soothed, inspecting her meticulously.

“Ma-ya,” the small voice broke around her name.

“I know, baby girl.” Maya tried to calm her, taking the pack of tissues Andy offered. “Thanks.”

She opened it quickly, ignoring the babysitter’s mumbles as she worked on cleaning Fran’s wounds. “I know it hurts, baby. But it'll be quick,” she promised as the girl’s face filled with more tears by the minute. “I’ll patch you up and then Ely will take you to mamma,” she smiled, thankful it wasn’t a very deep cut.

“I swear I didn’t mean to-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Maya smiled at the nervous teenager. “Accidents happen and this won’t be the last time,” she tried to joke. “She’s gonna need stitches, though.”

“You?” The little girl took Maya’s hand. “No Ely. You.” Fran cried and Maya didn’t have it in her to abandon the distressed girl.

“Okay,” Maya picked her up, securing her in her arms as she started walking.

“I’ll drive,” Vic tsked, smiling at the little girl clinging to Maya’s torso like a koala.

Sitting in the back seat, with Fran’s body against hers, Maya felt an unknown feeling settling in the pit of her stomach making her shift, but not really uncomfortably.

She’s known the little girl for a few weeks now, after one morning she came rushing to her side, eager to pet her dog. They started to meet sporadically as it seemed the girl’s house wasn’t far from the park as the sitter explained briefly. Granted, they weren’t close or anything, but the way in which Fran would escape her sitter’s sight just to come to greet her for a moment warmed Maya’s heart and, even though she denies it, it was the highlight of her morning runs.

Looking down at the tug on her shirt, Fran’s eyes stared back, like a mirror reflecting her own.

“Want mamma,” she pouted.

“I know, sweetie. We’re going to mamma,” Maya smiled softly -remembering when the sitter slipped that the little girl’s mother was a doctor at Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital, hopping she was on shift.

Once they reached the hospital, the babysitter stood behind calling for the girl's mother while Maya quickly shifted Fran’s weight and started trotting towards the ER, where she knew an intern would quickly stitch the girl up. But before she could walk any further, Bailey’s voice rumbled in her ears, making her steady steps falter momentarily.

“Maya?” The woman frowned, gasping when she spotted the girl. “Francesca!” She rushed to the firefighter, opening her arms to take the sniffing baby.

“No! Ma-ya!” the little girl tightened her grip on Maya’s shirt as if seeking shelter.

“Okay, okay,” Bailey’s frown deepened, walking them to an empty bed.

“I’m sorry,” Maya apologized, placing the little girl down and taking her hand while Miranda took over her task. “She fell at the park and I happened to be there,” Maya felt the need to explain. Being under Miranda Bailey’s scrutiny, even after all these years, was something that made her shiver.

Unbeknownst to Maya, a few floors up, Carina bolted from the OR after finishing her surgery, making her way to the pit where her injured daughter awaited.

Tapping her foot on the floor, Carina cursed the elevator, sprinting to the staircase. Her heartbeat thumped against her ribcage with every step down she took, her hand never left the handrail until she reached the designated floor.

Running through the ER, she dismissed a few familiar faces staring at her as she reached her daughter’s bed.

“Ciao, piccolina," Carina rushed to the toddler who looked up, stretching her arms as the sniffles shook her small body.

“Mamma,” she snuggled against her chest, clinging to the top of her scrubs. Carina’s fingers gently caressed her stitched chin, exhaling in relief after confirming her baby had just a scrap.

“What happened?” The brunette asked, her eyes staring at her daughter who silently picked at her braided hair, making her smile as she quickly disarmed it, allowing her hair to fall freely around her face. And as it was the norm, Francesca’s tiny hand played with her long, brown locks between her fingers.

“She fell while running,” 

Carina froze. A cold shiver ran through her veins, stopping her breathing altogether. Her lungs were deprived of the oxygen they needed, and her heart twisted painfully in her chest.

That voice.

Looking up, the hold on her daughter tightened as the cold, distant blue eyes she used to get herself lost in, stared back at her with the same anger that still haunted her after all these years.

“Maya,” she breathed. Unable to break the gaze lock that twisted her heart, she sought solace in the warmth of her daughter’s body against hers.

At the spoken name, Francesca shifted in her embrace, looking at the blonde woman.

“Ma-ya? Park?” The girl asked hopefully.

“Yes, bubs,” Carina saw how the rage in those blue eyes turned into soft, calm waves. But her voice held something different. “I’ll see you at the park.” A lie. “But first, you have to get better. Yes?” Maya smiled something soft. Something that years ago was only reserved for Carina. And all she wanted to do was run to the firefighter and beg for an opportunity.

“‘kay,” the toddler nestled back against her mother, unbothered by the silent war going off between brown and blue eyes for what felt like hours, before Maya bolted off.

“Take care,” she called over her shoulder. The venom in her voice stung Carina’s heart.

Bailey, who had been witnessing the encounter, gently squeezed Carina’s shoulder.

“Go home,” she ordered.

“But I still have patients,” Carina argued.

“And you’re in no right mind to work. I’ll have Wilson cover for you. Once Shepherd checks her, you’re going home.” She spoke with finality before walking away, leaving her to confront her new reality.

Maya’s path found hers once again. After all these years of silent longing and sleepless nights, Maya has found her again. And their daughter.

Later that night, after she’d put Francesca to sleep and assured the babysitter that she was off the hook, Carina sat on the couch, a glass of wine in her hand, and an expecting Amelia by her side, who patiently sipped on her sparkling water.

“She looked beautiful,” Carina murmured through the silence as she reminisced on Maya’s appearance. She looked different, but at the same time, all she could see was her Maya.

“Fuck!” The neurosurgeon coughed, clearing her throat loudly. “Is that what you- You know what? Forget it,” she rolled her eyes, trying to suppress a smirk.

“What do I do?” Carina’s brow furrowed, the whirlwind of emotions in her chest reaching her ears with an audible, long, monotone beep .

“You gotta tell her,” Amelia prompted unbothered.

“You make it sound so easy,” Carina sighed, twirling the wine before taking a sip.

“Look, I know you’re scared. And you didn’t heal completely,” Amelia took her hand, squeezing it. “But we both know Fran. Once she bonds with someone, she won’t stop asking for them. And the fact she’s a mini clone of Maya’s… it will only hurt you more than if you keep running from your destiny.”

“How are you so sure?” Carina tilted her head, her voice shaking. “That Maya is my destiny?” She added.

“You might be hot as fuck and one of the best in your field, but you can be so dumb sometimes,” Amelia chuckled at the swat in her arm. “Really, Carina. From the moment you and Maya met all those years ago, we all knew it was a one-of-a-kind love story. But just because it wasn’t the right time, doesn’t make it less true. And the fact your daughter brought you together now only states the fact that you’re endgame.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.” Amelia nodded curtly.

Carina allowed the words to settle in her brain, mulling them over before storing them safely away. Maybe Amelia was right.

Perhaps, the time apart and the radio silence between them helped them both heal and mature enough to nurture something bigger than them. Maybe, just maybe , they could get the happy ending they deserved.

"Ciao, Piccolina" (Hi, little one)

Chapter Text

Maya ran.

She ran until her lung ached and her feet became wobbly limbs. She ran for miles and miles until a misstep sent her rolling down the small hill, scraping her bare arms.

“Fuck,” she grunted painfully, deciding to lay there under the shy sun rays of the late afternoon peeking through the tall, imponent trees.

But the stinging pain in her arms paled against the sharp pain in her chest. The million questions running freely in her mind were almost deafening. How? When? With whom? Why?

Carina had moved on. The person her heart longed and ached for, had moved on and had a daughter, now. And what hurt the most? She even named her child after the baby they imagined in the confines of their shared nights. 

The betrayal in that thought was a knife to her heart, Maya felt it bleed out, draining every bit of hope she had left. Because of course Carina had a type. First came Arizona, then came Maya herself and now, whoever the dude was. Of course she wasn’t as unique as Carina had made her believe. Dumb of her to think otherwise.

Dumb of her to believe the soft confessions in the middle of the night, with their bodies tangled together after their lovemaking, meant something for Carina. Dumb of her to hold onto all those empty promises Carina vowed against her chest, right where her heart lays. 

How naive she was to think Carina mourned their love story. Because even if it was full of passion and wonderfulness, it was messy and toxic and of course someone as magnificent as Carina wouldn’t want to remember someone so… broken like Maya.

And the worst part? Maya couldn’t really blame her. Not completely.

So Maya mourned not only her true love, but also the only thing that would’ve ever lived in her soul if it wasn’t for Carina taking their legacy away, too.

The stinging in her eyes made her realize she’s been crying for a while now. Her surroundings darkening by the night setting over the city and her phone was probably dead in her pocket.

Willing her body to get up, Maya climbed back up the hill before making her way back home, forcing her mind to focus on the path ahead, cautious of every branch that could send her down. 

And by the time she stepped through her apartment door, Andy’s voice pressed the nails in her brain.

“Please, don’t scream,” she winced.

“You scared me,” the brunette spoke softly, engulfing her in a hug.

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled against her shoulder, too tired to move.

“What happened?” She took her hands to guide her to the couch, stopping as she spotted her dirty arms. “Maya!”

“Shh,” the blonde cried, her headache becoming stronger by the second.

“Go shower.” Maya looked at her friend for a second too long before nodding, knowing better than to defy her. 

While old Maya would stomped, new Maya realized there are battles that are not worth fighting for. And so, she slowly marched toward the bathroom, stepping off her sweaty clothes and under the hot water. Her muscles relaxed instantly as her whole body welcomed the warmth surrounding her.

But her mind was another story. The past came crawling at her heart, opening old scars and creating a few more in the process. 

The feeling taking reign in her chest -perhaps something akin to resentment, was enough to dissipate every little faithful thought of reaching to Carina.

Truth be told, she could never hate Carina, no matter how hurt and enraged she was, she knew since the first moment she saw her, her heart would always belong to the doctor. But the fact she has moved on changed everything .

Carina looked happy, despite her worry written all over her beautiful face because of her little daughter, Carina seemed at ease. And the fact it wasn't because of her , made something in Maya snap, scratching her heart painfully, as she witnessed the intimate moment between mother and daughter, where with one single gesture, Carina understood what the little girl needed. And once her long, silky brown hair fell down, Maya’s hands itched to run through the soft locks. But she had no right , so she stood there, silently watching, observing, reminiscing about what it felt like. Her soul took comfort from the memories of the past she cherished on her darkest nights, where she’d find solace in her girlfriend’s silky hair. As if the action alone was enough to make her feel safe.

The shiver down her spine signaled the water had turned cold, pulling a long, defeated sigh out of her.

Allowing the water to clean any trace of tears from her face, the firefighter -perhaps listless, proceeded through her routine.

As she sat at the table, Andy slid a sandwich in front of her, nodding at her silent “thanks.” The softness in her brown eyes was almost enough for Maya to release a new wave of tears.

“Wanna talk about it?” Andy broke the filled silence that settled between them, already sensing what put her in such a sour mood.

The persistent lump in her throat and the question that has been prominent in her mind made it painful to swallow. “Am I not worth fighting for?” Maya deflated.

Andy itched to reassure her, to shine some clarity through her thoughts but remained silent. Waiting. Opting to tend to Maya’s scraped arms instead.

“I know we didn't end up on a good note, but dammit! She didn’t even take the time to mourn us!” Maya blurted. “And I don’t know if I should feel flattered that she has moved on with someone whom she a daughter that looks like me or-”

“Wait, wait. Hold on,” Andy raised a hand, interrupting Maya’s ramble. “Carina has a daughter?”

“Right?!” Maya’s hands flew up before deflating on the chair. “Almost 3 years and she’s already settled with someone else and a daughter,” Maya sighed.

“How…?”

“Fran.” She stated, running a hand through her face. The weight of it all became excausting. “Bailey recognized her and took over the stitching. But Fran would cry every time I moved, so I waited till her mom appeared. Guess who came through the ER?”

“Oh, Maya,” Andy sat in front of her, squeezing her fidgety hands. 

“I feel.. ugh, why is it so hard?”

Maya stood up, storing the unfinished sandwich in the fridge before making her way to her room. 

“Let me know when Vic gets here,” Maya requested over her shoulder.

Closing her eyes, Maya tossed and turned in bed for what felt like ages. The image of Fran’s little features plagued her mind with ‘what ifs’ that she was quick to refute. She knew that, despite the sorrow and heartache it entitled, she had to let go of the old late-night plans she and Carina shared for her heart couldn’t endure any more pain with dumb desires that weren’t destined to happen. Not after Carina had moved on. 

And while time ago she wasn’t sure she could ever see herself as a mother, right now, she felt her heart cracking with every tear that ran down her face, accepting the fact that she’d lost what could have been the greatest story of her life. She had no one to blame but herself.

To say Maya was able to pocket a few hours of sleep was an understatement. And the fact they’d be meeting the rest of the gang in the woods in less than 2 hours had her dreading the day, forcing her to stay in bed until the last minute.

“I was wondering if you were in a coma,” Vic greeted her from the table, sipping her coffee.

“I would very much like to be in one,” Maya grunted as she walked towards the fridge, refusing to start the day without her precious smoothie.

“Come on, you love camping,” her friend cheered. “Besides, I have a few pranks for the guys.” 

“Victoria,” Andy warned.

“What? It’s been a while. And I still have to get back at Jason,”

“I swear you two are like kids.”

”Or you are too old.”

“Bitch, we’re 2 years older,” Andy refuted, offended.

“Anyways, it’ll be nothing too serious, I promise.” Maya rolled her eyes at her friend’s scout’s sign.

“We’re leaving in 30,” the blonde indicated before walking to her room, tumblr in hand.

Considering it’d be just 2 days in the wilderness, Maya quickly packed her backpack, thankful for the distraction her friends would provide for the upcoming 48 or so hours. Maybe that way, her mind would stop conjuring the obstetrician every two seconds, allowing her heart some peace.

And for the first few hours, it worked. The gang easily kept her mind occupied with the questions they’d throw her way and the teasing about her flings during the past 2 years in LA.

“Of course, I don’t miss it,” Maya scrunched her nose at Travis' question, remembering the humid climate of the City of Angels.

“But that place is like fentanil for people like us during the summer,” Jack chimed in, acknowledging the usual fires the firefighters had to battle under the extreme heat.

“Not when you’re recovering from a 48-hour shift,” Maya shrugged. “It was a nice experience through and through, but I wouldn’t go back there,”

“Not even for the girls?” 

“Not even the girls are reason enough,” 

“Who are you and what did you do with our Maya,” Vic joked, earning a small stone thrown her way, which she dodged laughing.

Opting to stay quiet, Maya allowed the talk to shift towards something her mind couldn’t catch up.

The truth was that even though she tried to have fun with women there a few weeks after she settled in LA, her body recognized that -despite being very attractive, the woman wasn’t the one her soul yearned for. And after the second time the story repeated itself, Maya decided to stop trying altogether and just lie whenever her friends asked her about it in the random phone calls they shared, instead focusing her time on becoming better, absorbing every new experience during her time there.

Anything to try and top the image of a broken Carina standing in behind as Maya walked away.

But no matter how hard she tried to distract herself, her mind kept going back to her. 

Her mind kept conjuring her shiny brown eyes and her chocolate locks and that little beauty mark at the corner of her mouth. She kept longing for someone that wasn’t hers anymore.

She has lost her forever and Maya was alone to pick up the pieces she herself had broken.

The next four days found Maya in a different routine, making a conscious effort to change up her usual running route. The unlikelihood of bumping into Francesca when she least expected it provided her some sort of peace. Even if part of her twisted at the feeling of missing her little park friend. She had to protect her heart, after all.

But as she waited in the hospital bed for her lungs to clear out, the uneasiness in her didn't dissipate. And if Maya has learned something in all her years of firefighting, it is that once you become a common fixture in a hospital, more specifically as a patient, the personnel tend to easily irritate you if you’re having a bad day.

“Firefighter Barbie!” 

Maya cursed again. This time, to the neurosurgeon.

“Amelia,” she forced a smile from under her oxygen mask.

“Ready for the check-up?” The brunette wiggled her eyebrows, holding her penlight.

“There's no need for one,” Maya grunted, following the shiny light hurting her eyes.

“Maybe. But a little birdie told me about your heart’s situation,” Amelia nodded towards the mask on her face as if emphasizing.

“I’m gonna torture whoever that bird is,” Maya grunted.

“Hey, no need to get gory, now,” the neurosurgeon smirked. “Besides, I’m pretty sure they’re just looking out for you.”

“I swear to God, I didn’t miss all this gossip involving me.”

“Eh, you went MIA for a while. We’re just catching up,” Amelia winked. “Besides, you have some homework to do, too.”

“Explain?” Maya squeezed Amelia's right hand, as she requested. 

“You, Carina, Francesca.” She stated plainly.

“ Amelia ,” she warned.

“Look. All I'm saying is that you both need to talk. You owe each other that much,”

Maya wanted to argue, to retort. But her lips remained sealed. Amelia was right.

She might have been the one who walked away in the end, but they both had their own share of responsibility. And it was only fair they gave this story a closure.

But all coherent thoughts went flying out the window when a particular chirpy voice reached her ears.

“‘melia!” The little girl almost tackled the neurologist with her sheer impact.

“Hello, little one,” Amelia’s hand cressed the small ponytails in greeting.

“I swear she’s like Houdini. Always eager to escape daycare,” the male voice made Maya flinch, bracing herself for impact. “Bishop,”

“Reminds me of someone,” Amelia looked at the firefighter, who refused to look at both adults.

“It’s supposed you give your patients the best care,” she mumbled.

“Perhaps if they-”

“Okay, enough,” Amelia’s tone was enough to shut Andrew up. “Look who’s here, munchkin,”

Maya had whiplash at the speed her head turned to the neurosurgeon, and she knew if rays were a reality, the brunette would be reduced to ashes right then and there.

“Ma-ya!” Francesca’s smile grew at her realization and extended her hands up, which Amelia promptly picked up the request and placed her on the bed, forcing Maya to hold the small frame in place. “My job here is done,” Amelia sighed proudly. “If you experience a headache, lower your screen time,” the brunette waved them goodbye before walking away.

“Hi, Sunshine,” Maya mustered her softest voice, fighting against the burning sensation on her chest that threatened to strangle the air out of her.

“I ate all the aps!” The little girl exclaimed as it was the biggest accomplishment, earning a smile from the adults.

“Good girl,” Maya praised, feeling her restraint start to crumble. “Did you have fun at daycare?” She asked, not wanting to be rude.

“Yes!” Francesca nodded furiously before she started to relate her day, obliging Maya to pay crucial attention to the girl’s ramble considering her vocabulary wasn’t developed yet, which left her mind working at full speed as she nodded here and there, trying to make sense.

“Birichina,” Andrew’s voice stopped the little girl mid-ramble and Maya didn’t know if she should thank him for the silence or if she should be offended. “La mamma aspetta,”  

“No!” Francesca pouted. “Ma-ya!”

“Maya needs to rest and you need a bath,” Andrew insisted.

“No,” 

Maya felt the small tug at her t-shirt and looked down to a stressed Frncesca, who’s eyes were watering up. But before she could calm her down, another voice made her shiver.

“Cosa sta succedendo, piccolina?” Carina spoke, bringing her daughter’s attention. “Grazie, Andrea.” She dismissed her brother, who stood there with his eyebrow raised as the siblings shared a silent conversation. 

“Mamma, Ma-ya!” Francesca smiled toothily, ignoring the discomfort settling over the adults.

“I see you found your friend,” she opened her arms, frowning when the girl refused, clinging tighter on Maya’s SFD t-shirt, whose gaze stood on the toddler as if inspecting a new discovery. “How about we allow Maya to have some rest?”

“Sembra aver realizzato,” Andrew mumbled at the insistence of the girl’s to hold onto the firefighter. And Maya was too absent in the feeling invading her to even try and understand what he was saying.

“Andiamo. Tornare al lavoro.” Carina spoke with finality, ignoring his brother's reluctance.

With one last laser-focus look at Maya, the Italian left them alone, allowing Maya to finally get some air into her lungs.

“Be nice for mamma,” the intern advised his niece before walking away.

“ Bambina ?” 

Carina broke the silence after a few seconds and Maya's breath hitched at the breathed word. Something in her chest shattered and glued itself together in that instant. Because even if the endearment was directed at the girl in her arm, Maya’s heart couldn’t help but take it as hers.

“Want Ma-ya,” Francesca insisted and Maya’s heart twisted at the longing she could hear in her small voice.

Looking up, the pain she could see in those brown eyes that used to hold so many stars, was enough to break her stance.

“Hey, Fran?” Maya tried, fighting with all her will not to snap at Carina, whose eyes she could feel burning holes in her head.“Your tummy needs food. Would you go home with mamma?” 

“You?” Those blue eyes stared back at her, twisting her heart at the illusion she could see.

“I still have to work,” Maya pouted exaggeratedly, hoping she was convincing enough.

“Miss you,” the girl cried, mimicking her pout.

Sighing, Maya dared to look up at Crina, who was sporting a look akin to hope. Which only added to the emptiness she put upon herself as she decided to change her running track to avoid exactly this.

“How about we meet at the park on Saturday?” The words left her mouth before she could swallow them.

“Mamma?” Francesca looked at the doctor, asking for permission.

“Only if we go home,” she winked, smiling softly at the little girl's enthusiasm at the promise made. And Maya felt her heart skip a beat right there.

“Ma-ya, park!” She extended her little hand, which Maya shook smiling. 

“I'll see you in a bit,”

“Bye-bye, Ma-ya!” Francesca waved at her before jumping into her mother's arms.

“Bye-bye, Sunshine,” she waved back, ignoring the need to look at Carina's face.

After a few moments of silence, realization washed over her.

What did she just do?

Granted, all she needed to do was to go to the park and have a short play date with the girl while her nanny stood a few feet away. But the fact that looking at who might as well be a mini version of herself was as if a knife perforated her heart, making it hard to breathe.

She cursed herself and the Universe for being so weak .

That night, as she nursed her whiskey, Maya tried to ignore the uncertainty of the reply that had yet to come. The questions piling up in her mind by the minute, only added to her anxiety. And the whirlwind of mixed emotions inside her being too hard to peruse, made it impossible to sit with her own thoughts.

Looking at the far corner of the hallway, she emptied her glass and walked to the treadmill. The complaints Andy would throw at her once she starts, would do nothing to stop her.

“Birichina," (Naughty girl - like in troublesome)

“La mamma aspetta,” (Mamma is waiting)

“Cosa sta succedendo, piccolina?” (What's going on, little one?)

“Sembra aver realizzato,” (Seems like she knows)

“Andiamo. Tornare al lavoro.” (Come on, go back to work)

Chapter Text

Carina looked down at her phone. The deafening whirlwind of emotions reaching her ears.

Unknown: Hey, it’s Maya. Ben gave me your number. If you’re still up for it, send me Francesca’s schedule this Saturday. I work the night shift, so I’ll make it happen.

The black letters contrasting to the white screen became blurry the more she stared at them. Her heart beated loudly against her chest, making it hard to breathe.

Maya wanted to keep her promise to their daughter and Carina wasn’t sure what to do.

She could ask Ely for a last minute babysit, but that thought flew out the window when she remembered the sitter would be busy. Or, she could easily apologize and lie. That’d be the safest thing to do.

But remembering the past few days how the absence of Maya at the park had affected her daughter’s heart at such a young age, was enough to deter her from declining. 

When she realized she was actually having a baby, she knew she’d be better than her parents. She’d put Francesca’s need before her own. And deep inside her, Carina also knew she craved Maya.

And after having witnessed her daughter’s mood improve significantly when she saw the firefighter today, she knew it was worth every single tear. After all, Francesca was the victim here.

“Ciao, Maya. If it’s okay, around 2pm should be great. I don’t want Fran to miss her nap.”

Carina sent back, not wanting to think about it. 

But the short, cryptic answer that came almost instantly sent her mind on a  one-competitor-only race. And the way in which Franchesca had refused to let go of Maya until they promised her a date at the park, was enough to set her mind.

She can’t keep running from her past. And It was only fair Maya knew the truth.

Saturday afternoon came sooner than Carina would’ve liked. The anxiety clung to her like a second layer, easing only a bit at Francesca’s chirpy mood.

“Francesca,” Carina warned, shaking her head at the little girl’s eagerness.

“Sowy,” she bounced in her heels, waiting in place for her hand.

“We don’t want you having more stitches. Do we?” She raised an eyebrow, taking her daughter’s hand.

“No, mamma.” She answered absentmindedly. Her eyes scanning the park for her friend as they walked further ahead.

Smiling softly at her daughter’s excitement, she looked towards the small fountain, and that’s when she saw her. A few feet away, Maya stood facing the kids playing at the swings with her blonde hair shining like gold under the sun. Her shoulders down as if she belonged in this moment, completely at ease. Until she tensed at the voice calling for her. And everything in Carina twisted painfully at the way the firefighter turned at the toddler, her movements way too forced to seem natural. And that’s when Carina made up her mind. She would tell her today.

Before she could reach them, a dog came crashing towards her leg, almost sending her to the ground.

“Ford!” She looked up in time to lock her gaze with Maya’s. A silent dance to the rhythm of the most strident sonata holding the mixed emotions they both felt, sending shivers down her spine at the intensity in which those eyes scrutinized her own.

Francesca’s giggles took her attention, a warmth settling over her aching heart at the carefree laugh of her daughter.

“Ciao, Maya,” She nodded before sitting down on the sprawled blanket beside the pair.

“Hi,” She mumbled, with her gaze fixed on the toddler petting her dog who curiously nudged her hand.

“Hello, handsome,” she petted the friendly labradoodle, forcing her body to behave. “He’s a chirpy pup,” she commented.

“He’s a handful,” Maya shrugged, her own hand coming to his furr to scratch at his ear.

“Mamma? Play with Fod?” Francesca asked, her little hands wrapping the pup’s neck, who wailed his tail.

“What you say, Maya? Shall we let them free?” She tried.

Maya looked at the pair, frowning momentarily before easing a smile. “He likes to play fetch,” she handed the girl a small toy, who happily threw it as far as she could, laughing as Ford almost tumbled her over in his chase.

As silence settled between them, the pair observed amusedly as Francesca tried her best attempts at throwing the plushy ball while Ford happily fetched it and brought it over. An activity that lasted for a few long minutes.

“You look happy,” Carina’s head snapped at the words invading the heavy silence.

“I am. Fran is everything to me,” she confessed, smiling softly at her daughter.

“Are you?” She questioned after a moment too long. The need to know anything about the blonde’s life was itching.

“I keep hoping I will be, someday,” Carina could hear it in her voice.

“Maya,”

“No,” Maya interrupted her. “I learned a while ago that I can't stay in the past. I just need time to move on. I-” She paused, the sharp inhale twisted the knife at Carina’s heart. “Look, you moved on, you’ve got to play happy family. Just-”

“Maya, wait,” Carina raised her hand, promptly stopping the blonde. “I didn’t. I-”

“Come on, Carina. We’re too old to keep playing pretend. It didn’t really work for us in the past.” The venom lacing Maya’s voice made her swallow dryly.

Allowing herself a moment to think, Carina looked at those blue eyes that never ceased to captivate her, giving her heart free will to take the leap.

“I didn’t move on, either,” she mumbled, looking down at her fidgety hands. “I couldn’t.”

“Is that why you found someone who looks like me and decided to have a kid?”

Carina’s head whiplashed at Maya’s words once again, the gears in her head trying to make sense. of the spoken words.

“I- What?” She tilted her head, confused.

Maya chuckled darkly, “You could just admit it, you know?”

Her frown only deepened, really trying to understand. Until, “Maya, I don’t get- I didn’t- Maya, she is yours,” she bit the bullet, bracing herself for impact.

Her whole body sweated cold as Maya’s face contorted in confusion, or maybe was it anger? All Carina knew is that Maya’s eyes bounced from her to Francesca and back. Four times. Until her eyes settled on her. And she never felt so small until now.

“What?” She whispered.

Hearing the disbelief in Maya’s voice, Carina inhaled deeply, as if the action alone would fill her with courage.

“I used your eggs,” she confessed, almost a whisper.

“My- Carina!” Maya’s big orbs pierced her soul and Carina winced as she felt the moment her blood ran cold.

“Why?” Maya cried, her eyes finding Francesca, who played a few feet away with Ford, oblivious to the turmoil between both women. “After all this time, why tell me now?” Maya’s eyes returned to hers. And the ocean waves reflected on them spilled down her cheeks, making Carina fist her hands to stop from reaching out. She had no right.

“She’s the best thing that happened to me,” she looked briefly at her daughter, before turning her gaze to Maya’s. “It was a stupid decision, back then. I was mourning us and-” she cleared her throat, refusing to break now. “I just couldn’t live without you, Maya,” she admitted. “I was dumb and desperate to hold onto you,” she shrugged shamefully. “I guess all the pain and emptiness I felt was enough to mess with my brain to the point I was deaf to everyone’s logic.” She shrugged, remembering the aftermath of her decision. “All I know is that when I came to my senses, a black-and-white picture stared back at me. And it was too late to do anything other than… wait.” Carina paused, “Even… Even the physical pain of the hormones meant nothing compared to the pain of losing you, Maya.” Carina searched for the right words, feeling her own eyes start to sting. “When the test came positive, I wanted to tell you. I tried to look for you, but you decided to leave, blocking all and every way to contact you.” Carina finally allowed her own tears to fall. 

Maya nodded, breaking their gaze, her hands running through her hair in a way that made Carina’s fingers itch.

“I guess that one’s on me,” Maya’s voice was tinted with sorrow.

“I tried to talk to Andy,  begged her to let you know I needed you,” Carina voiced, unable to stop the choke that escaped her. “Every time I had the same answer. That you were okay and that should be enough. So after a few tries, I just decided to stand by, just waiting patiently.” 

Carina breathed deeply before continuing. “They always had your back,”

Carina allowed the silence to settle between them, granting Maya the time she needed to process the information.

“Are you single?” Maya peeked, breaking the heavy silence that settled between them.

“ Bambina ,” Carina regretted the endearment instantly. “Maya,” she corrected. “I could never look at anyone else like I saw you,” her hand found Maya’s thigh, squeezing tightly when Maya didn’t move away. ”The way I still see you ,” she added, holding her breath as Maya’s jaw tightened.

Before any of them could speak, Ford came crashing towards Maya, nudging and licking her cheek.

“It’s okay, buddy. I’m alright.” She scratched his furr, calming the dog who decided to just lay his head on her lap.

“Mamma? Ma-ya?” Fran’s voice brought her attention, sighing at her daughter’s frown.

“Sta bene, Amore,” Carina opened her arms, accepting the girl's hug, laying her cheek on top of her head, looking at Maya. “Everything will be okay,” she prayed, allowing the revealed truth to settle around them.

Carina felt Maya’s eyes on her and she couldn’t help but lock their gazes. Everything in her vibrated with years and years of yearning that she knew would be enough to make her combust if it wasn’t for the small body pressed against her. 

She saw how Maya’s blue eyes inspected her face before she looked down to an oblivious Francesca and settled there for a few moments before they returned its attention to her own eyes. And Carina braced herself for whatever was to come.

“How old is she?” Maya broke the silence.

“She’s turning 2 next month. On the 24th.” Carina smiled. “Will you be there?” She dared to hope.

“Can I?” The plea in Maya’s eyes twisted her heart.

“Maya,” she reached for her hand, thankful when Maya didn’t flinch away. “I know this happened messy and fast and… I want you in our lives.  Always did.” She admitted. “Fran deserves to have both of her moms. Even if… even if we can’t get back together.”

At the mention of her name, the little girl looked up, looking between both women, just in time as her stomach rumbled loudly, making her giggle.

“Seems like someone is ready for a snack,” Carina cursed momentarily, before silently thanking her for the distraction and placing her beside Maya, nodding silently at the blonde.

“Aps!” She cheered, making them laugh as Ford perked up, curious about the whole ordeal.

“Ma-ya?” Fran looked up at the blonde. “You like aps?”  

“I love them,” she nodded, earning a toothy smile from the girl. “Though they’re better with peanut butter,” she winked.

“Yes!” Francesca smiled toothily before setting herself against Maya, who timidly wrapped an arm around her, oblivious to the way Carina’s heart missed a few beats.

As Carina settled the small containers on the blanket between them, she couldn’t help the tug at her heart as Maya caressed her daughter’s hair, lost in the moment. The touch way too soft, as if she was afraid the little girl in her arms could break easily. And it was as if life started to smile at her.

“A mangiare,” she spoke as she fed the sniffing puppy a slice of apple, setting against her companions, basking in the unspoken truce they shared before the storm of emotions that she knew would follow crashed her.

Chewing slowly on her carrot, Maya fidgeted in place as she felt Carina’s stare on her.

“What?” She spoke softly, not daring to look up from the girl on her lap.

“You really thought she was someone else's?”

“Listen, I didn’t think you'd use the eggs, okay? And there’s only two ways to make a baby,” Maya huffed, feeling the heat crept up her neck at her own stupidity.

“Are you mad?” Carina’s voice was tinted with uncertainty. Seriously, now.

“I don’t know,” Maya admitted, daring to look at Carina. “I feel betrayed,” she paused, thinking about her words. “I know I didn’t make it easy after we broke up. But I deserved to be there through it all.”

“You did, and I’m truly sorry for not fighting harder to reach you,” Carina extended her hand to brush a lock off her daughter’s forehead. 

Maya nodded, because what would she do? She couldn’t throw a tantrum, not when Francesca was right there. So she keeped quiet, enjoying this new, confusing, scary feeling developing inside her.

“At least tell me you followed the plan?” She wondered a few moments later. “Tell me you used Andrew’s-”

“I did,” Carina scrunched her nose and Maya sighed in relief. Maybe she wasn’t part of the process, but the fact Carina followed their wishes was enough for now.

Saying goodbye to Francesca turned out to be hard. The develations and the emotions of the last few hours were starting to truly sink in on her. Even with the promises of meeting again, the void she felt in her chest was almost enough to call in sick and spend the rest of the day with the little girl.

But as the particular thought reached her mind, she knew that was a whole new ton of tangled mess. A subject she wasn’t ready to tackle just now. Not with her shift starting in 30 minutes and the nosy friend that got to read her so well, whom wouldn’t stop asking for answers. Answers that not even Maya herself had.

"Sta bene, Amore," (It's okay, love)

Chapter Text

As Maya walked through her apartment, she cursed at the fact that her ankle had started to hurt after a difficult call. The need to do and not think was too strong. And sleep wouldn’t come easily, either.

Within a few hours, her life had changed drastically.

Not only she has a daughter. She was created without her consent.

And while she and Carina had mused the idea of trying, the fact she was out of the equation when it happened felt like a betrayal.

But any trace of resentment she could've felt, dissipated when Fran settled herself on her lap, calmly snacking on her apples while playing with Ford. As if it was the most normal thing.

And Maya knew right then -even though she and Carina had a lot to work on, she couldn’t be anything but thankful for this little piece of treasure that came out of them.

Reaching for the ringing device on the nightstand, her heart squeezed at the contact ID reflected on her screen.

Opening the chat, she saw the cutest sleeping girl, filling her chest with something she couldn’t describe.

Carina: Didn’t want to disturb you last night. Hope you can sleep as soundly as she did. She had a great time.

Reading it twice, Maya stared at the attached picture, allowing the warmth to soothe her scarred soul. And before she could reply, her heart twitched at the next words that appeared.

Carina: Thank you for reaching out. I know it’s a lot to process and we have a lot to unpack. But Bambina, everything I said is true. And if you have it in you, I’d like to talk.

Running a hand through her hair, Maya sighed deeply. Carina’s words echoed in her mind, shifting the whole perception she had about her.

Despite her initial aversion towards the doctor, the revealed truth shone a new light on the puzzle she’s been trying to put together to no avail. A bunch of the pieces shifted into position, sending a wave of pure, utter faith through her.

But even knowing how Carina felt, the annoying, scared voice in her mind battled her bruised heart. While she knew there was a solid chance of something actually emerging from this, the pain she had endured was something she didn’t want to feel ever again. 

Unable to answer Carina's texts, she scrolled through her contacts and hit the call button, hoping luck was on her side.     

“Maya,” Diane smiled tightly as Maya opened the door.

“Hi,” Maya nodded as she stepped aside. “Thanks for squeezing me on such short notice.”

“Is what you pay me for,” she walked to the couch across from Maya, resting her bag on the floor before taking out the notepad. “What’s the reason for the emergency?” The pen in her hand loomed over the empty sheet, ready to report whatever came out of the firefighter’s mouth.

“I met with Carina and her daughter yesterday,” Maya blurted.

“Under what circumstances?” Diane’s voice was professional, something Maya thanked.

“You know how I changed my usual running track to avoid seeing Francesca?” Maya swallowed when Diane nodded. “I had to go to the hospital for smoke inhalation last week. I was in the ER having oxygen therapy when she saw me, practically forcing me to interact with her. And when Carina came to pick her up, she was upset with the idea. So I thought a park date would be smart.”

The silence stretched for a few moments too long, until Diane broke it. “Do you regret it?”

“No,” Maya was quick to answer. “But… but I found something that I don’t know how to accept. Not fully.”

Diane nodded, allowing Maya a moment to truly sit with her emotions.

“Before we broke up, Carina and I decided to freeze my eggs in case we decided on having kids in the future.” Maya sighed, forcing her breath to be still. “When we finally called it quits, in the heat of the moment, when Carina asked about them, I told her to do whatever she wanted.” Maya paused, biting her lower lip.

“Francesca is your daughter,” Diane voiced Maya’s confession.

“How does that make you feel?” She pressed, having known Maya for over a year now.

“Confused. Angry… Important.” Maya’s voice tilted at the last word. “I feel like I still have hope.”

Diane jotted down something on the sheet, leaning against the couch. “What do you want to do with that hope? Can you picture where it comes from and where it goes?”

“I-” Maya frowned, trying to clear her mind. “Carina confessed to me she wanted me in her life again. In their lives. And I want that. I really do. But…” Diane remained silent, allowing Maya the time she needed. “But at the same time, I’m scared I’ll end up hurting not just me, but them too.” Maya finally admitted.

“Why do you think so?” 

Maya ignored the need to look at Diane’s notes, forcing herself to answer. “What if I go back to old traits? What if… What if I become my father?” 

“Perhaps you might have in the past. But Maya,” Diane sat up, and if she felt anything about her situation, she masked it professionally. “You’ve learned how to communicate. You learned to express what you need. Give yourself some credit.”

Maya mulled the words, looking up at a knowing Diane when the realization hit her. “I gotta let Carina in.” She deflated. “I have to share what I feel and think.”

Feeling lighter after her session, Maya took her phone and fumbled with the keys for a few moments before she decided to go for it and sent the message.

“DeLuca,” 

The voice had Carina stopping in her tracks, turning around as Amelia reached her side.

“What got you so distracted?” The neurosurgeon asked. “Ohhh, is it a certain blonde firefighter?” she wiggled her eyebrows.

“I want to slap that smirk off your face,” Carina grunted.

“Feisty… I like it,” Amelia winked, giggling at Carina’s smack on her arm.

“Zitto.”

“Okay, okay. But really. What’s got you so absent?”

Carina stared at her friend, sighing at the insistence she could see in those cobalt eyes.

Grabbing her arm, she guided her to the closest on-call room, closing the door behind her.

“It really is stupid, but I’m second-guessing the texts I sent to Maya,” Carina plopped down on the bed.

“Wait. What texts?” Amelia frowned, sitting beside her.

“I- yesterday, after the park, Fran looked so cute asleep in her car seat so I took a picture and decided to send it to Maya, and… Maybe I pushed her too much?” Carina bit her lip, feeling the weight of Amelia’s eyes on her.

“ Carina ,” she sighed.

“I knooooow! I just… I feel all these emotions inside and I just… I don't know what to do with it.” 

“Look. I should not tell you this. But I’m taking pity on you,”

“Thanks,” Carina mumbled sarcastically.

Amelia just rolled her eyes. “Maya is doing better. I've been having updates here and there,” Carina’s attention fixated on every single word that came from her friend. “She doesn't run anymore. But Carina, you’ve learned your lesson.” She continued, “She needs time to process things. And I bet your Porsche you didn’t send her something light.”

“Why my-”

“Because we both know you,” Amelia answered as if it was the most obvious thing.

Carina swallowed hard, feeling guilty. Had she put too much pressure on Maya without realizing it? Had she ruined the only chance-

“Stop.” Amelia squeezed her hand, stopping her train of thought. “Just wait,” the brunette nodded. “Give her time.”

Before Carina could voice her thoughts, both their pagers going off had them locking eyes for another whole meaning, silently storing this talk for later.

This was it.

Carina breathed as she killed the engine, looking through her window to the café Maya had asked to meet. A soft soothing blanket wrapped around her heart when she recognized the place, which only served to raise her hopes.

Because even though she made her peace with a life without Maya, the flame she’s always had about them, awaited small, almost imperceptible in her heart, until the unexpected turn her life took fed its hunger, starting to burn brighter flicker by flicker.

Walking through the café door, her whole body relaxed momentarily at the warm, fresh aroma of coffee and pastries, sending a comforting wave through her body. But just one look at the left was enough to freeze her in place and for her heart to resume its erratic beat.

There, in the far corner, sat Maya with her shiny hair down in silky waves that Carina couldn’t wait to feel once again. And boy, did her hands ached to feel her once again.

But then, Maya looked up and their eyes locked in a sort of spell that had Carina finally moving towards her.

“Ciao, Bella,” Carina dared to speak, ignoring the hot flush creeping up her neck at Maya’s scrutiny.

Nodding, Maya slid the steaming cup of coffee towards her. “Thanks for coming.”

“No, thank you.” Carina’s fingers played with the rim of the cup, suddenly feeling self-conscious.

Silence settled between them, charged with electricity and something akin to longing.

Carina, never someone to doubt her presence -as someone who was extra comfortable in their skin, now felt her whole body shivering imperceptibly with utter nervousness under Maya’s piercing blue eyes. And while time ago she’d take pride in moments like these where Maya really saw her, now with the whole weight of their unspoken feelings and thoughts clutching at her chest had her wondering if, after all, they stood a chance.

The heavy cloud looming over them was momentarily broken by the waitress bringing over two plates, one of which called her attention.

“You remember,” she breathed as she looked at the soft, small castagnole with just the right amount of sugar coat.

“Of course I do,” Maya shrugged nonchalantly, oblivious to the way the small thought eased Carina’s nerves. “Hope it’s not too much.”

“Maya, no,” Carina shook her head, touched by the action. “It’s everything,” she admitted, bringing a small ball of fluffiness to her lips, fighting the moan wanting to escape her lips. The taste pleased her tastebuds and the gesture caressed her soul.

The fact Maya has stored this kind of information in her mind was… encouraging, at least.

After what felt like hours, Maya broke the heavy yet comfortable silence.

“I go to therapy,” she paused, searching for the right words. “Your texts the other day had me confused, so I asked for an emergency session before I could answer you.”

“I understand,” Carina admitted. Because she really did. Even if her heart panged at the lack of response, she knew Maya needed time to sort through her emotions. She’s come to realize it too late in the past. “And I’m glad you’re doing better,”

“I try.” Maya nodded once. “But Carina, I feel like there's too much history and pain between us and-” Maya paused, Carina’s heart twisted at the uncertainty in her voice. “I don’t want to rush it. Not this time. If we do this, we do it right.”

Carina dared to look at Maya’s eyes, losing herself in the stormy waves reflected in them, until Maya broke the contact, her gaze falling to her coffee cup.

“I want to be involved in Francesca’s life. But I need to do it at my own pace.”

“Of course,” Carina rushed to agree. “I know it’s a lot for you and I promise I’m not trying to force you into anything you don’t want.”

“That’s the thing,” Maya chuckled dryly. “I want- need to be near her. But… I don’t know how to do it. I don’t know what are the boundaries nor if I can-”

“Bambina,” Carina’s hand reached for Maya’s instinctively, like it did so many times in the past. “There is no manual on how to be a parent. I’m still learning myself.” She smiled softly, encouragingly. “But I promise, you can be as involved in her life as you want to. Whether it’s just one-on-one time or babysitting or just-” Carina bit the inside of her cheek, swallowing the words. “She is your daughter, Maya. And I’ll encourage whatever you decide. I trust you.” She nodded.

Ever since her daughter started to show her similarities with Maya -and the more they reflected the firefighter’s features, Carina couldn't help but long for all the dreams she and Maya had voiced in the silence of the night, tangled between sheets.

So now that Maya was presenting herself once again, Carina wanted nothing more than to get the love of her life back. At whatever pace Maya set.

Maya nodded, and Carina knew there was more. So she waited.

“I didn’t stop loving you,” Maya admitted, ignorant to the several beats Carina’s heart skipped. “But, I’m still working on myself and I don’t know if I’m ready to truly give myself to you.”

“Bambina,” Carina squeezed her hand, motivated by the honesty she could see in Maya’s eyes. “I know it’s hard, and I know it’s scary. I’m sorry if you felt pressured by the picture or-”

“No,” Maya shook her head, stopping Carina. “The picture was something I needed, actually.” Carina couldn’t help but replicate the smile that appeared on Maya's face. “She’s a charmer. Even asleep.”

“You tell me,” Carina remembered the times her daughter would bring her to her knees.

“Anyways, I want to try. But… I need to know I’m not the only one doing the work.” 

Carina broke their gaze, feeling guilty at Maya’s implications. She was right.

“I’ve been working on myself too. And I got to understand your needs -even if it was too late.” She dared to look up. “I know we tackle things differently. But now I know that we can meet in the middle.” Carina nodded. 

“I would like that,” Maya answered and Carina felt relieved as the heavy cloud over them started to clear. “I mean, maybe we can start slow and see how it goes?”

“That means you would go on a date with me?” Carina tried, melting as Maya scrunched her nose.

“Maybe? I don’t know if I’m ready for that.”

“I understand,” Carina hoped she was able to mask her disappointment.

“I’m not saying no,” Maya squeezed her linked hands. “I just-”

“No no, I get it. It was too forward of me.”

“It’s just I don’t want to hurt us before we start,” 

Carina felt for Maya. She could see Maya was beating herself up for their past.

“We both did wrong things, Maya,” Carina commented. “But look at us, we’re actually talking and communicating. And I don’t know this new Maya, but I can see the changes. You literally told me what you’re feeling, and that’s all I’ve ever needed.” Carina looked at their hands, deciding to take the risk and interlace their fingers. “And I promise I’m doing my part too, Bambina. I’ll wait patiently for you.” She hoped Maya could see her honesty. 

Even if Maya’s conversation with Carina had left her in a place she still had to understand, the next few days passed between texts and random updates about Francesca’s adventures. And Maya couldn’t help the longing that had settled in her.

The smile on her daughter was enough to improve her days, making her wonder if this is what being a parent felt like.

“Ladder 19, Engine 19, Aid 19, backup on 35th and Greenwood Street.” Dispatch had her locking her phone and tossing it on her locker before she sprinted towards the aid car, ready to focus on her job.

As they reached the scene, what she saw sent chills running down her spine. The smell of ashes, burned rubber and charred skin hurt Maya’s nostrils. The absolute chaos of her colleagues running around and the faint cries set her heart in a chokehold, making it hard to move . She’s been on hard calls a bunch of times, but nothing prepares you for the emotions that hit you every time.

“Bishop!”

Captain Pruitt Herrera’s voice had Maya out of her trance.

She quickly tended to those in triage, inspecting burns and delivering oxygen masks to the victims for the several next minutes, until Jack’s voice cut through her focus.

“Bishop,” Maya twisted her body to her right from where she was bandaging a middle-aged man just in time for Jack to place a limp body beside her.

Her blood turned cold at the unconscious small boy and the damage his body suffered.

“He needs CPR and a tracheotomy,” Jack called Travis who happened to be on aid duty with Maya, sprinting back to the massive fire.

It took Maya two seconds too long to start working, careful not to break any ribs, praying silently to the gods out there to protect this kid.

“Take over, I’ll intubate,” Maya rasped, quickly moving from the boy’s chest to the bag on her left.

“My God,” Travis huffed as he continued the compressions on the boy.

“I can't see anything,” Maya gasped. “There’s too much damage.”

“Come on Maya, don’t chicken out now. It doesn’t suit you.” Travis encouraged grumbly.

“Travis, no-”

“Hey. If this kid doesn't get that tube in his chest, he’s gonna die. You can do it, Maya.”

Fumbling with her flashlight, Maya inhaled, filling her body with courage. One wrong move and this kid dies right here. Tube in or not.

Maya swallowed the lump in her throat, forcing her hands to stop shaking before she took a deep breath, fighting the resistance of the muscles in the boy's damaged trachea, finally placing the tube in its place.

“I'm in, starting assistance. Let's go!” Maya commanded as Travis stopped his compressions and reached for the stretcher a few feet away.

“Dispatch, Aid 19 on route to Grey-Sloan with Jon Doe with trachea damage and several burns. Get peds and trauma ready for admission.” Travis’ voice filled the heavy silence looming above them once they took off.

The ride to Grey-Sloan felt extremely long, with the low vitals of the boy reflected in the monitor despite Maya’s best attempts. 

“Come on, kiddo. You have to live,” she prayed barely above a whisper, with her eyes locked on the monitors for any change.

“Hurry up, Montgomery!”

“We're almost there,” his voice was firm despite the tilt at the end.

Just a few blocks away from the hospital, the incessant beep of the monitor mixed with the sirens blasting around them, having Maya sprint into action.

“He's coding!” She cried as she started compressions while assessing her surroundings. “Stay with me, kid!” She pleaded, localizing the lidocaine before fumbling with the kid's IV to pump the medication in.

Just as she started her compressions back, the aid car came to a stop and Maya released a long breath. “Come back, kid,” she groaned, before maneuvering her stance over the boy as the doors opened to reveal Teddy's face.

“What do we have?” 

Once the gurney landed on firm soil, Teddy took over Maya.

“Approximately eight-year-old Jon Doe with third-degree burns and damaged trachea. Started CPR on scene and pushed one of lidocaine when he coded.” Maya informed as her hands fisted at her sides.

“You did good, Bishop,” Bailey squeezed her arm curtly before following her team a few steps ahead.

“I'll do the report,” Travis announced, leaving Maya outside the ER.

Feeling her whole body starting to shake, Maya busied herself cleaning the inside of the aid car, disposing of the syringe she used a few moments ago, debating if she should get inside to retrieve the gurney and monitor or just let Travis take care of it.

Deciding on the former option, she allowed herself to sit for a moment, just enough for her body to calm down.

It was always the situation with the kids, the ones that had her soul hurting, leaving her wondering… why .

Why did they have to suffer? What wrong could have they done to deserve these punishments? It just made no sense.

And before she could stop it, her mind went to Francesca. Just the idea of her little girl getting injured was enough to increase her heartbeat and make it hard to breathe. Her hands became sticky and her vision started to close around her, turning her sight into darkness.

“Maya,”

The voice calling her name felt like a cord thrown into the cave she found herself in, a way to help her climb back into the open, but the abyss surrounding her made it hard to find it. Only worsening the hurt in her chest.

“Bambina,”

That word. That single meaningful endearment term.

The dense fog around her started to clear away as she felt the softest pair of hands cupping her face, smooth thumbs stroking softly over her cheekbones, compelling her breathing to slow down, and Carina’s face became visible. Though blurred at first, she allowed herself to lean into the doctor’s touch as her vision cleared completely.

“That’s it, eyes on me,” Carina breathed exaggeratedly for Maya to mimic. In.Out. In. Out. Until Maya’s breaths became somewhat normal.

“Ciao,” Carina smiled softly, never stopping her caresses. “You’re safe,” she muttered.

“Where is she?” Was all Maya could choke out.

“She’s at home, with Andrea,” Carina’s hand moved up, softly caressing Maya's head until she found the hair tie and pulled it down to scratch softly at her scalp, and Maya melted right there at the comfort that crashed against her.

“I need to see her,” Maya pleaded.

Before Carina could answer, Travis called her name, breaking their bubble.

“We have to head back.” He frowned, seizing the scene in front of him.

“I promise she’s okay.” Carina reluctantly pulled away and Maya found herself wanting to reach out. Anything to feel the warmth only Carina could provide, again. “Text me when you’re off,” Carina smiled softly. “Travis,” she nodded before walking back into the hospital.

Ignoring the persistent dull on her chest, Maya stood up from the back of the aid car and helped Travis to place the stretcher and monitor back in before she closed the doors, walking over to the front as she tried to compose herself.

“What was that?” Travis asked once they jumped into the front seats.

“Just… go,” Maya mumbled, not ready to discuss her life just yet. She wouldn’t know where to start.

By the time the scene was cleared and they tended to every single victim, the night stretched over the crew as they returned to the station. A heavy cloud loomed over them with the buzzing of the adrenaline still running through their bodies.

But to Maya’s displeasure, her mind couldn’t stop thinking about her encounter with Carina and the way she knew how to bring her back from the darkness, even after all these years, making it hard to ignore this sudden craving for the obstetrician. It was as if the intimacy of the moment had cast a spell on Maya that she couldn’t escape. And to be honest, she didn’t know if she wanted to.

"Zitto." (Shut up)

Chapter Text

Her phone signaled a new text message and Carina smiled at the picture that greeted her when she opened her chat with Andrea. And a fter a quick text to her brother warning that it was way past Francesca’s bedtime, she decided to forward the image to Maya.

Carina: See? (Ignore my stupido fratellino) She’s alright. And so are you, Bambina. I’m always here if you want to talk.

Carina locked her phone and placed it on her desk facing down -everything to avoid looking at the screen waiting for a message that wouldn’t come until much later.

Sat in her office, intending to go through a few patients’ files, all her mind could focus on was the blonde firefighter who had returned to her life and the pain in her chest as she witnessed how the darkness of Maya’s panic attack has consumed her for a few moments, setting Carina into action –out of instincts, really- as she has done so many times before.

The longing that has been inside her all along, has intensified after the intimate encounter she experienced a few moments ago, as her whole body craved for Maya’s warmth. It was as if her body remembered how she felt in her arms. How content Carina would be on the rare occasions in which Maya decided to be the one being held.

For a moment, Carina could see something flash across Maya’s blue eyes and she hoped she was right. She prayed to the universe for that flick in those ocean eyes to be… love . Even if it was for just one second. That way, Carina could breathe easily whenever she crossed paths with Maya. Maybe that way, her damaged soul could finally heal.

Lord knows the last few years, ever since Maya walked away, Carina has never stopped thinking about her. No matter how hard she tried, the blonde would always come back to her mind one way or the other. 

And while at the beginning it was hard to be without Maya, she soon realized their love was timeless. It had to be.

Because for Carina, their story was far from over. Something inside -and Amelia’s insistence, told her that it was a matter of time until they crossed paths again. And so, she decided to just wait. 

And for her friends and her brother? It was easy to be calm around them. The right smile here, the correct nod there. Everything was calm and easy on the outside. 

Until an unexpected call changed it all. After convincing Andrea that scratching that itch was the only way to move on without giving up her love for Maya, Carina embarked in the process of motherhood. 

But once she looked at the screen on her left, showing the small fertilized egg resting in her uterus, waiting to attach to start growing, something inside her broke and another thing blossomed.

The reality of a family of three that lacked one of the pieces.

The sound of the pager going off brought her back to the present. Forcing her to pack her emotions for another time.

“Show time,” she encouraged herself.

It wasn’t until she opened her office door, ready to go home and squeeze in at least 2 hours of sleep before her daughter woke up, that she saw Maya standing in front of her. Eyes reflecting something she was pretty sure was distress while her mouth opened and closed slowly, as if trying to find the words.

“Bambina,” Carina whispered, afraid Maya would bolt away.

“I-“ Maya’s eyes looked down, seeming so shy.

It hurt her to see Maya so small. The characteristic bravado of the firefighter was reduced to this… version of Maya she had yet to navigate through.

“Hey,” instinctively, Carina stepped closer, holding Maya’s hand. “I’m here,” she squeezed her hand.

The air in her lungs left her body as Maya collided against her, with shy arms wrapping around her waist and warm breath against the crook of her neck, sending chills down her spine.

Instinctively, Carina wrapped her arms around the blonde, hoping to provide the comfort she needed.

“Bella,” Carina spoke against Maya’s hair, placing a soft kiss there. “What’s wrong?”

The negative nod against her chest was enough to shut her lips, tightening her hold on Maya as her hand moved up to scratch at her scalp, just waiting. Because all she could do now was wait in this silent bubble. Basking in the warmth she has missed oh, so much.

“Sorry,” Maya sniffed after a few moments as she separated herself from Carina, her hands retrieving to the pockets of her zipped hoodie and Carina could feel the sudden cold embracing her.

“Don’t be,” the brunette tilted her head, her hands closing tightly at her sides to stop from reaching out.

“I don’t know why I came here. I’m sorry for bothering-“

“Maya, no.” Carina rushed to stop her. “You don’t need a reason to reach out. “ The doctor dared to admit. “You never did,” she added.

Just then, Maya looked up, linking their gazes together and Carina gasped at what she saw. Like a secret language, they shared. A look full of longing and unspoken emotions.

“Come home,” Carina proposed, barely above a whisper at Maya’s vulnerability. “Come be with u- her,”

Ignoring the curious looks of the hospital personnel, Carina walked alongside Maya toward the parking lot, following her to the car.

Carina’s hand fumbled in her lap at the heavy silence looming over them on the ride home. The anticipation of what was to come simmered slowly, almost painfully, between them. Maya’s white knuckles on the steering wheel let her know the firefighter wasn’t at ease, either. Yet, the plea she found in her eyes back in the office, led her to exactly this.

“He’s alive,” Maya broke the silence, making her look at the blonde. “The boy I brought yesterday,” Maya clarified after a beat. “He has a long recovery ahead, but he survived. He’s only seven.” Carina’s heart twisted at the trembling in her voice, unable to stop her hand landing on Maya’s thigh, holding her breath at the sharp intake that followed. “I-“

Carina shifted her body, folding her left leg under herself as she faced Maya, patiently waiting.

“I couldn’t help thinking about Fran and this sudden need to protect her,” Maya confided and Carina felt her eyes watering. “I couldn’t- I need to protect her.” Carina squeezed Maya’s thigh as she smiled.

“You’re allowed to,” the brunette reassured her. “Maya, I meant it when I said you can…” Crina cut herself. Not yet. “You are her mom.”

The car came to a stop and Maya released a breath that was captive in her chest, looking over at the duplex that held her daughter.

“Come on,” Carina’s soft command had Maya’s shaky hands unfastening the seatbelt before she stepped outside her car, following Carina to the door.

The soft click of the lock paled against the heartbeat rumbling in her ears. She could feel the blood running through her veins as her heart beat with a monotonous thump-thump against her ribcage.

“She’s asleep, but you can come to her room,” Carina’s hand wrapping around hers had Maya looking down, creating a lump in her throat as she allowed herself to be dragged around. And good lord, Maya knew in that exact moment that as long as she kept feeling this comfortable trance whenever Carina touched her skin, she’d follow her blindly.

Coming to a stop, “You go in, I’ll get rid of Andrea,” Carina encouraged opening the door, and with one last squeeze, she took her hand away before walking a few steps back.

As Maya stepped in, her gaze looked over the Montessori bed -smirking at Carina’s determination- where a small girl was wrapped warmly like a burrito. Her soft, peaceful features had Maya’s fingers itching to reach out. And so she did.

Her legs walked the short distance to the small frame soundly asleep. Sitting cross-legged, she marveled at the fact that this sweet angel was her daughter. As she reached out, the pads of her fingertips softly ran from the little girl’s temple to her forehead and down her small nose before it moved to the softest chubby cheek, where it rested for a few moments as Maya allowed herself to grasp her mind around it. 

‘She has a daughter’ she repeated, as if the concept was something foreign, even though Francesca was practically a mirror of Maya’s younger self.

“You’re safe,” she breathed brokenly, allowing herself to relax.

Maya didn’t know how long she stood there, with her body leaning over as her fingers ran softly through the girl’s short hair. It was as if the action alone gave her the confirmation that Francesca was hers.

“I remember the first time I saw her,” Carina voiced, barely audibly. “I couldn’t take my eyes off her either.” Maya forced herself to look up, as Carina sat in front of her with a soft smile plastered on her face.

“I wish I was there,” Maya couldn’t swallow the words.

“Bambina,”

“She’s my dau- she’s mine! And you took that away from me,” her voice lacked the venom now. Although the pain was dripping from every spoken letter.

“I’m sorry.”

“We created something beautiful, and I wasn’t even aware until almost two years too late,” Maya lamented, ignoring the wetness on her cheeks. “I lost two years of our treasure.”

Because even if she and Carina were not together, the fact that Francesca was their most precious creation was real. And it hurt to be in the dark for so long.

“Please, Bambina, let me explain,” Carina begged, and Maya knew she owed her that much. But she also knew she’d combust with the new information.

Feeling Carina’s heavy gaze wrapping around her like a snake, she decided to play safe before she succumbed to her deepest wishes.

“I can’t. Not right now.” She shook her head before she leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the sleeping girl- her daughter.

“Sweetest of dreams, Sunshine,” she murmured as she stood up. “I should go. Thanks for letting me see her.” Carina nodded as she mirrored Maya’s action.

“You’re allowed to. Whenever you want, Maya,” Carina grabbed her hand, making her turn and Maya let her. Just this once. “You can text me whenever and I’ll make it happen,” Carina promised.

“Okay,” was all Maya could speak without breaking apart right then and there. She has already done a number at Carina’s office.

Her eyes found Carina’s brown ones and she couldn't help but bask in them for a few moments before she looked away. The need to put some distance between them increased by the second.

“Text me when you get home?” She asked, leaning on the threshold.

Maya nodded. “Goodnight, Carina.”

The way back home happened in a blur. And once she settled into bed, Maya allowed herself to feel. She allowed herself to mourn the fact she had missed her daughter’s birth day. A day that should be impregnated in her memory like one of the best days of her life, has been just a random Thursday spent at work. A day that should be packed with emotions and happy tears and fears and whatnot, for her it was just a day consisting of getting to work and then going back home.

All because Carina acted without her.

She has lost the first two years of her daughter’s life because Carina didn’t respect her enough to wait. She has been unaware of her existence because Carina decided to have the upper hand. And Maya didn’t know if the need to scream until her throat hurt was because of frustration and resentment or if it was because she now had something that linked her to Carina forever, despite their outcome.

The weight thrown on top of her left Maya without air. All her senses were ready to attack back until Andy’s face appeared above her.

“Dude! What’s wrong with you?” The blonde pushed her friend back, who sat cross-legged in front of her.

“I just missed my hermana ,” Andy giggled.

“You could’ve just let me know. I almost hit you.”

“I did speak, but you were somewhere else,” the brunette shrugged. “What did I miss?”

Maya just grunted and threw herself down against the mattress, covering her face dramatically.

“Come on, drama queen. Spill it out.” 

Andy lay on her side beside Maya, forcing her to turn around and face her friend. 

“I still have a lot to figure out with Carina,” Maya gave in, raising her hand to stop Andy from interrupting her.  “But remember the park date a week ago? Turns out Carina was the one who brought her. And so we talked some. She confessed some things I’m still working on.” Maya paused, looking for the gentlest way to throw the bomb at her friend. “She had Francesca using my eggs.”

Maya watched intently how Andy’s face contorted from confusion to surprise, setting on something akin to anger. “What the fuck?” She spat.

“I know,” Maya conceded, deflated.

The air in Maya’s room felt somewhat heavy. Not entirely uncomfortable, but enough to make her want to run some miles.

“Why?” Andy asked after a few moments.

Maya shrugged. “We still have to talk about it in depth, but she said she hadn’t moved on entirely and that she needed something to hold onto that reminded her of me.”

“That’s so wrong on so many levels, Maya!”

“It is. But at the same time, I feel this thing inside me that just… I don’t know. I just feel… motivated to be better. For Fran,”

Andy smiled softly. “You’re a mom,”

“I’m a mom,” Maya scrunched her nose. The concept was something she hadn’t fully accepted yet.

“How are things with Carina?” Andy poked.

“We still have a lot to solve, but I want- need to try. I still feel something strong for her.” Maya sighed, speaking her feelings out loud as if putting them out in the open would make the universe listen.

“Do you love her?”

Maya mulled the question for a few seconds, being honest with herself.

“I don’t know, really. I’m upset about the whole hiding and all, but then again, I left and didn’t give her a chance to reach out.”

“Yeah, she came looking for you a few weeks or so after you moved to LA. If I knew what was it about-”

“I know. You just did what I asked for,” Maya recognized the regret in her friend’s voice and she needed to reassure her.

“Anyways,” Maya continued. “I feel betrayed, but I also feel this love is still somewhere inside me, waiting to grow.”

“Well, Carina did change you. You’ve come a long way. And I don’t doubt for a second she loved you.” Andy smiled softly. “Maybe your love is meant to be. Despite the whole rollercoaster it is.”

Maya mirrored Andy’s smile, accepting the words.

Maybe their love story was far from over. Maybe, if they both put in the work, they could make this happen.

Perhaps, despite this new -unplanned- development, Maya could have the happy family she unconsciously wished for her whole life.

Chapter Text

“Ma-ya, look!”

The firefighter obliged, frowning at the quasi-shapeless figure. “Wow! That’s a great… monster,” Maya tried.

“Noooo! It a tigeg!” Francesca’s giggles rumbled around her and Maya couldn’t help the warmth setting in her chest.

“Oh right. My bad,” Maya snapped her forehead with the pad of her fingers as she rolled her eyes, basking in the little girl’s laugh.

“’s okay. You len.” The little girl shrugged her off, her full attention back to the plasteline scattered around her.

After the incident with the boy a week ago, Maya made it her mission to step into Francesca’s life as much as she could. So true to Carina’s words and encouragement, for the last few days Maya dedicated her free time to spending a few moments with her daughter in between shifts, whether it be a walk in the park with Ford or impromptu activities she kept adding to the list thanks to Google’s recommendations.

That’s how today she decided to bring the girl to a kid-friendly café where different activities could be done.

After ordering a coffee with 2 big cookies and a bottle of water, they settled in one of the small tables for at least an hour, now. The colorful containers of Play-Do were dispersed between them as Maya eyed the toddler to make sure she didn’t ingest any plasteline. However part of that hesitation was because she couldn’t quite grasp her head around the fact that this little girl was hers. No matter how many times she has voiced the truth, something inside told her this was just a dream. That this was just a fantasy. And a small part of her resented Carina for hiding Francesca. But the rational part told her that she had it coming. That she was the one who left, leaving Carina behind with no means to contact her.

So instead of searching for culprits, Maya decided to look forward, allowing her feeling towards Francesca to grow and develop.

“That a fid twuck?” Maya lifted her gaze to a boy not much older than Francesca.

“That’s right, kid. It’s a ladder truck,” Maya smiled proudly at the recognition her creation had gotten.

“I like it,” the boy stepped closer to inspect it as if Maya had created a masterpiece when in reality it was a… decent model of the vehicle.

“Here,” Maya took the red truck with yellow lines and handed it to the boy, who smiled toothily.

“Thank you!” He cupped it between both hands as if it were a treasure and walked away.

Smiling to herself, she reached for a green modeling clay next when she noticed it.

“What’s wrong?” Maya asked a pouty Francesca, who just shrugged her small shoulders. “Come here,” she prompted as the little girl stood up and walked towards her.

Once she placed her on her lap, Francesca leaned into Maya’s chest, her small hand playing with the locks falling on her shoulder and Maya’s hand instinctively moved to her small back, caressing up and down, noticing how the small body started to relax.

“Want to help me? We can do a bear?” Maya tried, after a few moments. Frowning when Francesca shook her head.

“Mamma,” she pouted shily and Maya felt a pang in her chest at the rejection. 

Did she do something wrong? She didn’t scream nor chastise her. So why was she asking for Carina all of a sudden? Maybe she just missed her? ‘No’ something told her.

While she understood she was a new fixture in Francesca’s life and there would be times when the little girl needed her main source of safety, the fact Maya wasn’t enough to be her mom as equally as Carina was like poking an open wound. She should be able to provide the little girl the safety she deserved. 

“Okay,” she sighed defeatedly, leaving enough money to pay for their -unfinished- order and a generous tip before she stood up and started walking the short distance to Carina’s apartment.

She knew kids processed things differently than adults and sometimes Maya joked she felt like a kid. With too many emotions at once and no words to explain them. Yet, the fact her daughter wanted to cut their playdate short nagged at her heart.

So she basked in the little comfort of Francesca wrapped around her torso like a koala, with her head resting on her shoulder and her small arms around her neck. Turning her head just slightly, she inhaled the kid’s shampoo and placed a soft kiss on her head. Anything to keep the memories alive.

“You’re home early,” Carina greeted them with a smile that shifted into a thin line when she noticed her daughter’s demeanor. “What’s wrong?” She frowned as she eagerly took a pouty Francesca, cradling her in her arms.

“I’m sorry,” Maya pursed her lips. “We were playing and she just… shut off asking for you,” Maya placed the girl’s backpack down trying to hide her sadness. “I promise I didn’t scold her or anything,” she rushed to add.

“ Piccolina? ” Carina tried, earning a negative nod from the toddler.

Maya’s heart twisted as Carina’s hold tightened around her daughter. She once again screwed it up. She could kiss goodbye any chance to-

“Bambina, hey,” Carina’s hand against her arm eased her -even if just slightly.

“Come on in,” Carina stepped aside and Maya pondered her options. Although there wasn't really a decision to make. She’d get any extra second she could in the same room with her daughter. She has just found her and the little girl has taken her heart captive.

Needing to organize her words, Maya took a moment to look around the living room she found herself in once again. She studied the space around her, smiling softly at the soft, cozy feeling that surrounded those who came to Carina’s home. The brunette has always been a nurturer, and that was reflected in every aspect of her life. The queasy minimalistic style, yet full of intent was so Carina and Maya couldn’t help the soft smile that appeared. The faint smell of lavender mixed with something herby thanks to the Italian’s fresh herbs sitting beautifully somewhere in the kitchen has Maya in a trance she didn’t know she had missed all this time.

“You could use some,” Maya looked up from the framed photo showing a-few-months-old Francesca in a white onesie dotted with the cutest wild animals she’s ever seen and took the steamy mug Carina offered her.

“Thank you,” Maya obliged herself to walk to the couch and sit down, pushing the newest surge of pain for later.

“Tell me what happened.” Carina’s voice was soft and empathic.

Setting her gaze on the shy girl cuddled against Carina’s torso, she couldn’t help the thought passing her.

“She always plays with other’s hair.”

“Huh?” Carina frowned and Maya dared to smile, itching to kiss the frown away.

“At the café, she played with my hair when I picked her up,” she nodded to her daughter, absentmindedly fidgeting with a strand of brown hair.

“She took it from you,” Maya allowed the words to soothe her soul, feeling something nice in her chest at the recognition.

“At least she had something good,” Maya mused.

“Bambina,” 

Maya could feel it in Carina’s voice. Way too palpable to ignore it. But she did.

“We were playing with play-do,” Maya obliged. “Everything was alright until… I don’t know.” Her gaze suddenly focussed on the steaming cup in her hands, unable to look at Carina -nor her daughter. Not with the pain dripping from her heart.

Carina didn’t speak, just waited patiently and Maya thanked her for being calm about it.

“I was doing a ladder truck and a boy came to us taking interest in it, so I gave it to him,” Maya shrugged. “The next thing I know, she closed off.”

Carina’s silent giggle twisted the knife in her chest.

“What’s funny?” She spat.

“You,” Carina then stood up and sat beside Maya, with her and Francesca’s bodies facing her.

“She was jealous,” Maya frowned upon Carina’s words, trying to remember anything that could- Oh, no.

Oh no, she’s already hurt her daughter and she wasn’t even 2 years old, yet.

“I’m an idiot,” she mumbled.

“Maya, no,”

The laugh she could hear in Carina’s voice made her blood boil. 

“It’s not funny, Carina. I became my father!” Maya stood up, pacing now. Her fears were already manifesting and she’s only ever been in Francesca’s life for over two months. “I enjoyed the recognition and broke my daughter’s heart without-”

“Bambina,” Carina stood up too, fumbling with the little girl wrapped around her so she could stand in front of Maya. “Hey, be nicer to yourself,” Carina’s hand cupped Maya’s face, caressing her cheek. Continuing before the firefighter could protest. “You couldn’t know. And that’s part of parenthood. We’re learning as we go,” 

Maya leaned towards the hand on her cheek, looking into Carina’s eyes for any trace of deceit but found nothing other than sympathy.

“Give yourself some credit, Bambina. The fact you feel bad about it shows that you are not your father. You could never be,” Carina’s hand grabbed hers, guiding her to the couch once again and Maya let her. “I assure you Little Miss here will ask for you sooner than you think. Isn’t that right, Piccolina?” Carina cupped her daughter's face, taking her attention. “Do you like Maya?” Maya braced herself for the answer, feeling small under the scrutiny of deep blue eyes.

After a few seconds of silence, Maya released a breath as the little girl nodded, raising her arms towards Maya, who choked on a sob as she rushed to take her, hugging her small form. 

“I’m so sorry, Sunshine,” Maya kissed the little girl’s head repeatedly as if the action alone would bring her some peace. “I’m so, so sorry,” she pleaded.

The scene unfolding in front of Carina was something that filled her with longing and hope. And everything in her craved to join the moment, but she had no right. So she swallowed the guilt that had been nagging at her for the last few years and basked in the happiness her daughter and Maya’s embrace provided her.

Carina’s hand found the small of Maya’s back, absentmindedly rubbing circles over her clothing, smiling encouragingly as Maya looked at her. The gratitude she could see in those blue eyes she loved oh, so much felt like a caress to her soul.

“I promise,” Carina spoke softly. “You didn’t damage her. And I know you, Maya. I trust you with her.” She finalized.

“It’s just… I’m scared of hurting her,” Maya voiced and Carina felt for her.

“That’s bound to happen,” Carina brushed the wild strand off her daughter’s face. “People like us, we tend to worry more than others. And sometimes the fear can be loud. But then again, we are not our parents, Bambina. We're just Maya and Carina doing everything we can to ensure our Francesca has a happy life.”

Allowing the words to settle, Carina excused herself to the kitchen, giving them some privacy. She owed them that much. 

Deciding to start on dinner, she moved through her space calmly, humming softly to the tune in her mind as she basked in the warm feeling that had blanketed her heart as she witnessed the bond Maya was creating with their daughter. Hopeful she could rekindle her relationship with the firefighter, in due time.

Although she knew that there were topics and feelings they still needed to disclose and fix, she wished with every fiber in her body for the thread that linked her to Maya to detangle carefully until their souls found their path to each other. But despite knowing time was something they needed, part of her soul cried for Maya, and with every passing second of the firefighter being in her house, Carina couldn’t help the temptation.

“Maya?” She called from her place by the stove. 

The muffled voices and the joyous laugh of her daughter made her smile hopefully.

“What’s up?” Maya appeared a few seconds later, Fran hot on her heels.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?”

Before any of them could think about it, the toddler’s cheers filled the house as she grabbed Maya’s hand and jumped up and down with a chorus of “pwese Ma-ya!” and Carina made a mental note to give her daughter an extra scoop of ice cream next time.

She knew this was considered emotional blackmail, but she couldn’t help the need to be in the same room as Maya. Even if it was because of their daughter.

Carina released the breath she held captive at Maya’s shy “I’d love to,” as she picked up a happy Francesca, who wrapped her arms around Maya's neck.

“Mamma! Ma-ya stays!” She smiled toothily.

“Yes, Picola. She’s staying,” Carina smiled as her eyes found Maya’s and she couldn’t help the churn in her stomach at what she saw there.

“You’re still a menace,” Maya tsked, to which Carina just batted her eyelashes, smiling innocently.

“Now go play while I finish here,” 

The butterflies that filled her stomach at Maya’s tone had Carina swallowing hard. Not because something would happen, but because she was sure the look on Maya’s blue orbs was something she hadn’t seen for three years, now. And despite the improbability of anything happening any time soon, she couldn’t help the anticipation building slowly, agonizingly inside her.

Chapter Text

“Honey! You’re finally home,” Andy greeted as Maya entered their shared apartment.

“I need a lobotomy instead of more therapy.” Maya stated as she plopped down on the couch, grumpily kicking her shoes off.

Feeling the burning hole on her right side, Maya looked at her friend, who was sporting an Oscar-worthy face.

“Do I even want to know?”

“Is that a question or…” Maya smirked.

“Oh, my God, woman! Talk!” Andy’s exasperated tone had Maya giggling.

“Long story short, I’m screwed.” Maya couldn’t help smiling softly at the memories made a few moments ago.

“I take it that something happened?” The brunette tried.

“Carina asked me to stay for dinner and Fran insisted.” Maya sighed.

“So mother and daughter have you wrapped around their fingers,” Andy teased.

“Fran does. Carina… I don’t know about Carina,” Maya deflated.

“You don’t know or you don’t want to accept it?” Andy prodded.

“Ugh. Get out of my head.” Maya stood up, needing to do something -anything, to calm her fast pulse.

“I’m telling you. You could just pay me instead of going to Diane,” Andy followed her to the kitchen.

“Oh, no. No one can top that woman,” Maya smiled at the mention of her therapist. The progress she's made since meeting her a year ago was something she was proud of.

“But she takes vacation days,” her friend countered.

“As she should.” Maya filled the glass she had fetched from the cupboard.

“So?” 

“So, I don’t know what to do with all this I’m feeling.” Maya admitted after taking a sip of her water, leaning against the counter.

“It felt… right, tonight.” Maya continued after a few moments. “But I don’t think I’m ready to go full in, yet.”

“It won’t be smart, either.” Andy nodded. “But we both know when the time comes, you’ll have to decide.”

“I already know what I want. And I want them, I need them.” Maya deflated. “But there's too much to heal between us, Andy. And I don’t know if I can wait-” Maya grunted, setting her unfinished glass of water on the counter before walking over to the couch. “It's like my soul needs to reach Carina’s and never let go but at the same time it feels like this could all be just a hallucination and I don’t know what to think.” Maya rambled exasperatedly. “Because how could it be so easy? Just to say yes and have Carina back? In the whole meaning of the word? Just like that? It’s just…”

“I’m not Carina, but eyes on me,” Andy teased, earning a grunt and a smack from the blonde. “No, but hear me out.” she continued seriously, now. “From what I’ve been told-”

“Who’s feeding you?” Maya cut her.

“Travis told me about the panic attack and how Carina helped you,” Andy explained and Maya couldn't hold the soft smile that crept at the memory. “And the multiple run-ins at the ER.”

“Anyways,” Andy continued. “It’s clear as day that the love is still there, Maya. We always had your back, but we also felt for Carina, when you left. Let me finish.” She raised her hand before Maya could pronounce a word. “We all did what you asked for. But, you know it was wrong to run away when things got complicated.”

“I know. I know better now,” Maya lamented.

“Exactly. You’ve grown. And so did Carina. So instead of fighting this love, why don’t you take it with open arms and move one day at a time?”

“You make it sound so easy,” Maya leaned her head on the back of the couch. Her storm of emotions started to clear out slowly, although the clouds were still dark and heavy.

“It is easy,” Andy smiled encouragingly. “All you gotta do is move. One foot after the other.” Andy spoke softly, standing up. “I promise this is real, Maya. The love you share with Carina has always been there, just waiting for the right time.”

Maya looked up at her friend and her frown turned into a smirk as she spoke, “If you ever quit firefighting, you should go for therapist.”

“Ha! I’ll keep it in mind,” she winked before turning around. “Now, sleep.”

Andy walked away, leaving Maya to literally sit with her thoughts.

And for the first time in a while, she allowed herself to truly hope . 

She hopes for a love that never ceased to exist. On the contrary -as clarified by Andy’s words, only increased its intensity once she started to allow herself to feel every spoken caress Carina directed her way. She allowed herself to hope that, even though they had yet to sit and talk to lay all their cards on the table, they had a future ahead. She hopes that Francesca will learn to see and accept her as her mom, confident that Carina will be by her side every step of the way.

And for a while -even though Maya’s schedule had become somewhat busy, that hope only kept rising with every interaction she had with Carina at the hospital and the constant communication through text messages about their daughter.

But as Maya got used to it, life was never on her side. Just an hour before her shift ended, a 4-alarm fire requested all firefighters available. And never once did Maya thought she’d curse a fire needing her. Not until today.

She just hopes the gods take pity on her and let her come back before the day is over. Even if all she’s getting to spend with her newfound daughter is a few hours left of her birthday.

Carina pocketed her phone with a sigh, praying silently for Maya to make it home safe. The firefighter had texted her saying she’d do her best to come to celebrate their daughter. And Carina believed her. But she also knew what a 4 alarm fire meant, so it wasn’t easy to sit and wait when a simple turn of events could endanger Maya.

“Mamma!” 

“Sì, piccolina?” Carina looked up from the cookies she had baked.

“Did potty,” Francesca scrunched her nose and Carina couldn’t help laughing.

“Andiamo,” She picked up her daughter from the chair and walked towards the nursery, feeling proud of how communicative her daughter was. Not because she wanted to rush the process, but because she wanted Francesca to share her needs.

So taking advantage of the change of diaper and the time, Carina decided to already dress her in her birthday outfit, which consisted of a soft light brown colored jumpsuit paired with Francesca’s favorite combat boots.

“Sei bellissima,” Carina kissed Francesca’s nose, making her giggle. “What about your hair?” She asked softly.

“Bunnies!” The little girl clapped happily, to which Carina obliged with a content smile. Her fingers softly brushing Francesca’s blonde hair felt like mementos of years ago, when she would spend hours playing with Maya’s soft golden strands.

“Pronto.” She contemplated the small buns before the doorbell rang, having Francesca wiggling her legs, requesting to be let down. “No running,” she tsked as Francesca bolted away as soon as her feet touched the floor.

First came Andrew, who smothered his niece with hugs and tickles until the poor girl begged for mercy, and after a while, Carina’s friends arrived as well with their own kids, all of them bearing gifts for the birthday girl, who happily unwrapped them with the messy urgency only a kid holds.

So after a few moments of Francesca beaming at her variety of gifts, the kids sat to play happily as the adults gathered around them, engaging in conversations.

“Is she coming?” Jo asked, masking her curiosity with nonchalance as she colored on Scout’s book.

“I’m hoping so,” Carina shrugged, trying not to think of the lack of answer in her last text. “There’s a 4 alarm fire somewhere.” She explained.

“Firefighter Barbie always to the rescue,” Amelia chirped in, sipping from her mug. “She’ll come,” 

“How are you so sure?” Andrew questioned annoyingly, earning a sigh from his sister.

“Andrea,” Carina warned.

“No, I mean it,” the surgeon continued. “What makes you think she will stay?”

“Lo so e basta,” Carina grunted. “Non parlare di lei senza conoscere la verità.”  

“Ma quale verità, Carina? Sa solo come ferirti.”  

“Not in front of the kids, guys,” Jo interjected warily while Amelia enjoyed the banter between siblings.

Carina sighed, knowing Jo was right and Andrea was as hard-headed as herself. “È cambiata. Prometto che vi racconterò tutti di noi.” Carina spoke with finality. “Godiamoci Fran?” She asked hopefully.

Andrew just eyed her for a few seconds too long before sighing. “Bene.”  

For the next few hours, Carina enjoyed the comfort of her favorite people celebrating her daughter, ignoring the missing spot by her side. Her daughter deserved her full attention and the easy talk with her brother and friends was a welcomed distraction, all the while the four adults engaged with the little kids playing on the floor in the middle of the living room, filling the cozy apartment with laughter and joy.

And as the first whine of Luna came, it was silently agreed that cake time was due. So after placing Francesca by the soft mint green cake, a chorus of voices sang the birthday song as Carina sneakily helped Francesca blow the candles with a loud cheer from those around them. And after pictures were taken and cake slices were devoured, the guests retired one by one, leaving Amelia and Scout for last, who happily offered to help her clean.

“Thanks for having us,” the neurosurgeon spoke as she dried her hands after placing the last plate on the drying rack.

“Thank you guys for coming,” Carina smiled as she looked at her daughter.

“Don’t worry. She’ll come,” Amelia squeezed her arm as they walked towards the coffee table where both kids were drawing.

“We go home, mommy?” The boy asked sleepily.

“We go home, little man,” Amelia leaned down to kiss Francesca’s head. “Goodbye, birthday girl.”

“Bye, Fran.” Scout waved to a distracted Francesca, who ignored mother and son as she focused on her coloring.

But before Carina could call her attention, the doorbell rang and Carina felt something funny in her stomach.

As she walked to the door, she decided to ignore Amelia’s comment.

“I’m so sorry,” Maya’s nervous demeanor had Carina smiling softly. “I promise I-”

“Ma-ya!” Francesca’s voice cut Maya’s as her little feet rushed to them.

“Hi, Sunshine,” Maya kneeled down and opened her arms as she scooped Francesca up, hugging her tightly. “Happy birthday, my love.”

Carina’s heart did a somersault as her daughter hid her face in the crook of Maya’s neck as if seeking comfort.

“That’s our cue,” Amelia smirked. “Nice to see you, Blondie.” She greeted Maya as she reached the door. “And just between us,” she paused, eyeing Carina as she fixed her son comfortably in her arms, “your girls had been waiting for you,” she winked as she closed the door behind her, and though Amelia was unaware of Maya’s reaction, Carina wasn’t.

“It’s okay, Bambina. You were needed somewhere else,” Carina offered as she tugged on Maya’s backpack’s strap hanging from her right shoulder.

“But I should’ve been with her,” Maya helped Carina take it off as she secured the gift in her hand.

“You are, now.” Carina’s hand took Maya’s and walked her to the couch, where Maya sat with Francesca on her lap. 

“Finally,” Maya kissed her daughter’s hair before calling her attention as she showed her a gift.

The little girl beamed as she accepted the big wrapped square. “Mamma! Ma-ya gave gif!”

“She did, piccolina,” Carina couldn’t help the surfacing tears, witnessing the interaction between them as Maya helped their daughter open her gift who cheered as she recognized the forms on the box.

“Tenk you, Ma-ya!” Francesca wiggled her legs, signaling she wanted to be let down.

“You’re welcome, baby,” Maya smiled proudly, looking briefly at Carina before shifting her attention to the toddler, who tugged at her hand to make her sit by her side on the floor.

“Mamma? Play wid us?” Francesca invited her and Carina couldn’t help the lump in her throat.

“Bene,” she agreed as she sat in front of Maya, whose eyes she could feel on her body like a soft heavy blanket.

“Did you have fun today?” Maya asked as she helped the girl to sort the shapes into groups.

“Yes! Wid frens!” Fran smiled toothily.

“Your friends came? That’s amazing, baby.” Maya kissed her head as she turned to Carina briefly before she focused her attention on the magnetic geometric shapes and the girl on her lap.

Carina smiled happily at the scene in front of her, allowing the warmth of Maya’s bond with their daughter to wrap her heart. The reality of the dream she had for so long was way better than what her mind imagined.

Click.

“This one goes to her album,” Carina murmured softly as she looked at the picture on her phone.

“What?” Maya frowned.

“Nothing.” Carina shook her head, as she raised her phone. “Smile,”

Click.

Her heart squeezed at the smiles plastered on both blondes. The resemblance felt like a punch to the stomach as guilt crept out of nowhere.

“Mamma, you too!” Francesca called and of course, she obliged.

Click.

Maya looked over Carina’s shoulder and sighed something calm.

“Send them to me?” She asked timidly.

“Of course,” Carina smiled as she stood up. “Can I offer you anything to drink with the cake?”

“Coffee, please?” Maya asked.

“Sure,” Carina quickly stood up and walked to the kitchen, busying herself with the moka pot as she fought the tears at the emotions that flooded her inside. Francesca finally had both her mothers in one room and Carina couldn’t help the hope blooming at the fact that Maya was home. Her Maya is finally home, for good.

Or, at least, that’s what she hoped for in due time.

Something told her this night could change everything and Carina needed to believe it. She needed the shift to happen.

“Carina?” Maya’s voice called out as the coffee started to flood up through the pot’s filter.

“Coming,” she waited a few seconds before pouring the hot beverage into the mug as she smiled at the giggles coming from the living room.

“Someone is stinky,” Maya spoke as Carina leaned down to place the steaming mug and slice of cake in front of the firefighter.

“You are!” Francesca yelped at Maya’s poke in her ribs.

Carina laughed at the banter. “Come on, Stinky. Shower time.” Carina picked up her daughter, careful not to squish her diaper. 

“Ma-ya?” Fran asked frowning.

“I’ll wait here, baby,” Maya smiled encouragingly. “Can I ask for takeout while you shower her?” 

“Anything veggie? She had a lot of sweets today,” Carina explained.

“Thai it is, then,” Maya took out her phone and Carina agreed as she walked towards the bathroom.

But as soon as she grabbed the shampoo, a strenuous thunder rattled through the silence and the power went out, causing Francesca to cry inconsolably.

“Sta bene, piccolina. It’s just a storm,” Carina hugged the small body, ignoring the wetness clinging to her front. 

Just as she was about to call for Maya, the blonde appeared behind her with her phone flashlight on, illuminating the room.

“It’s alright, Sunshine,” Maya kneeled beside them as her hand caressed their daughter’s back. “You’re safe,”

They looked at each other for a second too long and Carina could see something flicker in Maya’s eyes, although she couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

As they both spoke soothing words to the scared girl, Francesca’s cries subsided slowly. The tremors shaking her small body coming to a stop left the little girl sniffing.

“Baby?” Maya called softly. “Can Mamma finish with the shower so we can cuddle once you’re in your pajamas?”

Francesca looked at Maya for a few seconds, as if analyzing the proposal, before she nodded quietly. “Mamma too?” She asked softly.

“Mamma too,” Maya agreed and Carina felt her stomach churn at the prospect.

As Carina resumed the bath routine, Maya’s phone pinged followed by the firefighter’s sigh.

“The storm is affecting the city power plant.” Maya looked around the room. “I don’t think we’ll have any takeout. Can I cook something?” She asked as she reached for a few candle jars Carina used to relax as she lighted them to illuminate the room.

“What do you say, piccola? Should mom- Maya cook for us?” Carina corrected her slip, biting her lower lip as she felt Maya’s eyes burning her back.

“Yes!” Francesca clapped, sploshing water around her.

Excusing herself, Maya walked away leaving Carina to weigh the realization that hit her like the thunder rumbling outside.

The thought had come so suddenly that Carina was lucky to cover it right in time. Although it was a fact Maya was Francesca’s mom, they hadn’t discussed the situation any further than accommodating both Maya and Francesca’s schedules to allow them the bonding time they deserved. And despite Carina’s need to have Maya involved in their lives full-time, she knew the firefighter was still working on accepting her motherhood. And so, she made a mental note to apologize once Francesca fell asleep.

Soon enough, the faint smell of garlic filled the apartment, making Carina’s stomach grumble as she finished zipping Francesca’s pajamas.

“Mamma hungy,” the toddler giggled.

“Smells yummy, huh?” Carina smiled sheepishly as she grabbed the brush.

“Ma-ya?” Francesca pointed to the brush in her hands, oblivious to the lump in Carina’s throat.

“You want Maya to brush your hair?” 

“Sì,” the little girl wiggled her legs and Carina handed her the brush before she placed her down.

She watched fondly as her daughter padded away in search of Maya, storing the emotion for later as she moved towards the bathroom to clean up the mess Francesca’s bath time always left behind.

“Mamma! I help.” Francesca smiled toothily from her place on Maya’s hip, who was carefully sauteing the vegetables.

“Is she being a good sous chef?” Carina asked as she leaned towards the counter.

“She’s wonderful,” Maya nodded as she kissed her daughter’s temple before she handed her to Carina, who happily opened her arms. “Although the chef has a lot to learn, yet.”

“By smell, I can tell it’s amazing,” Carina offered. “Thanks for taking care of dinner,” Carina spoke after a few moments.

“You took care of the whole day. I just wanted to help a little,” Maya shrugged, though Carina could hear it in her voice.

“Bambina,”

“Not now,” Maya shook her head and Carina accepted defeat. At least for now.

After a somewhat quiet dinner under the candlelight filled with soft talks and the rain hitting the windows, Francesca climbed into Maya’s lap, surprising both adults.

“Ma-ya? You stay?” She yawned, snuggling against her mother.

Taking advantage of the situation, Carina decided to try her luck.

“The storm is getting worse by the minute,” she pointed to the window, where the sky lit up in a determined pattern as each lightning was followed by thunder. “I don’t want you driving in the dark.”

“Okay,” Maya deflated, tightening her hold on her daughter, who sleepily played with Maya’s hair. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sempre,” Carina nodded as she gathered the empty plates.

“Tell me about her?” Maya asked timidly.

Carina smiled something warm, feeling a weight being lifted off her shoulders. “Let me put these away and get us some wine first,” she agreed, needing to ease her erratic heartbeat.

The fact she was one step closer to coming clean to Maya had the anxiety wrapped around her like a second layer, making it hard to relax. And so, she took her time cleaning the dishes. Anything to delay the unlikely outcome and by extension, she basked in the warmth of knowing Maya was a few feet away staying for the night, with their daughter in her arms. Finally, life gave her what she always wanted.

By the time she walked into the living room with two glasses of wine, she found Maya leaning against the back of the couch as she absentmindedly caressed Francesca’s back.

“She was late on her bedtime,” Carina smiled softly at them.

“Sorry about that,” Maya apologized.

“It’s fine, Bambina. Even if you couldn’t come, she wouldn’t like you any less.” Carina extended the glass towards her.

“I was so upset when we got the call before the shift ended,” Maya took a sip of her wine. “All my mind could focus on was the picture you sent me earlier and the fact I might not make it in time.” She sighed.

“If it helps, there are a lot of birthdays to come with you in them,” Carina clinked their glasses.

“I want that,” Maya nodded, looking down at their sleeping daughter. “I-” Maya paused.

Carina wanted to push, but she remained silent. Allowing Maya the time.

“I want all of it, but I’m scared.” She admitted and Carina’s hand reached for Maya’s thigh instinctively, squeezing once. “I’m happy she’s mine,” Maya smiled tearily. “But I don’t know how to fully step into my role.”

“I know it was unexpected. And I’m to blame-”

“You tried to reach out,” Maya interrupted her.

“But I should’ve tried harder.” Carina smiled sadly. “I should’ve fought for your attention. You deserved to be there.” Carina looked at her daughter, so small against Maya’s chest and she couldn’t help the tears pooling in her eyes.

“Why did you do it? Decided to have her,” Maya clarified.

“A week or so after you left, I got a call notifying me about the inseminated eggs.” Carina recounted. “I was hurting and I just… I needed something to hold onto.” She paused. “I know now it was an impulsive action. But back then, it felt like the only thing to do. Don’t get me wrong,” Carina brushed her fingers softly on Francesca’s cheek. “She will always be the best thing that we’ve created, and I’m happy I have you to raise her with, now. But a small part of me feels guilty about acting according to plan without you. And the worst part is that I can only blame myself for single parenting.” Carina set the glass on the coffee table, knowing if she attempted to take even a small sip, she’d choke on it.

“I had help through it all. But the one person I wanted by my side was miles away, unaware of her daughter growing inside me. And not a single day passes by without this guilt nagging at my chest.” Carina dried a rebel tear that slipped down. “I’m so sorry, Bambina.”

“I know,” Maya tightened her hold on the sleeping girl as she placed her own glass by Carina’s.

“I’m not mad anymore.” Maya looked at her and Carina felt herself melting under the intense stare. “Hurt, yes. But I’m never mad. Not anymore.”

Carina smiled tearily at the words. The silent forgiveness was a balm to her soul.

“As she was placed in my arms, I felt this rush of anxiety and happiness and… longing.” Carina continued. “And as she grew up, I could see you in her eyes, in her tiny nose. And even though we hadn’t maintained contact, part of me knew we would meet again.” Carina confessed. “That thought is what kept me going when the pressure became too much.”

“How was she?” Maya asked after a few seconds.

“She was… a dream. Didn’t fuss at all unless it was necessary. And she slept through the night.” Carina smiled, reminiscing about Francesca's first months of life. “Although she has always been an early riser,” Carina tsked.

“No more sleeping beauty?” Maya giggled at Carina’s smack on her thigh.

“I blame your genes,” Carina retorted., pouting.

“Won’t apologize for that,” Maya shrugged. 

Seeing her daughter so peacefully asleep against Maya’s chest as the firefighter held her protectively had Carina’s heart in a chokehold. The dreams she's been having all this time paled against what reality looked like.

“What’s wrong?” Maya asked barely above a whisper.

Carina shook her head, unable to speak without her voice breaking, furiously drying her silent tears.

“Come here,” Maya opened her arm and Carina hesitated for a few moments, as if making sure she wasn’t dreaming.

The second her head laid on Maya’s shoulder and she was securely wrapped in the blonde’s arm, Carina felt something inside her snap . Her tears flooded at the long-awaited closeness and they didn’t seem to stop any time soon.

The silence around them was a sharp contrast with the storm happening outside Carina’s apartment. And Maya didn’t really know if what she was feeling was something good or something bad.

Carina had spoken her truth. She had opened up to Maya and she could see the guilt in Carina’s brown orbs. But despite all of her wanting to throw caution through the window, part of her didn’t want their past to repeat. So she could only support Carina and wait patiently until their feelings could be sorted before she dared to jump into the void.

She knew Carina would always catch her. That was never in question. But the damage they had endured in the past could only intensify to a breaking point if Maya didn’t learn how .

“I miss you,”

The words were spoken so softly, so vulnerably. So broken.

Maya could only tighten her hold on Carina, unable to trust her voice to reply. She placed a feather-light kiss on her head -afraid anything rougher would break the spell she was into, and smiled tearily as she felt Carina’s shift as she moved impossibly closer.

‘ I miss you too,’ she thought.

Because she did. With every fiber on her body. 

Ever since she came back to Seattle, she knew the chances of running into Carina were high, considering they worked in near proximity from each other. But this , this was something she hadn’t seen coming.

And despite part of her screamed that she should run, the small voice that had been nurtured with work and patience until it stood bigger -like a giant made of steel, told her she should stay . She should fight for what her heart wants. Because this chapter in her story had just started.

“Go on a date with me,” She found herself breaking the silence.

She felt Carina stiff for a few seconds before she sat up, locking their gazes.

“Davvero?” Carina’s voice was tentative, full of hope.

“Sì,” She nodded. “This,” she motioned to the three of them. “This is what I want. But I need us to start again.”

Maya saw something flicker in Carina’s eyes and she rushed to explain.

“I don’t want to erase our past,” she added. “But we’ve both changed and I think we should get to know each other again. Because if we start this, we have to do it on a solid foundation. Even if the talk about our past gets ugly.”

“Sì,” Carina interrupted, nodding furiously. “Oh, dio. Sì, Bambina.”

Maya mirrored Carina’s smile, allowing herself to feel this new determination blossoming inside her.

“Andiamo,” (L et's go)

“Sei bellissima,” (You're beautiful)

“Pronto.” (All done)

“Lo so e basta,” (I just know it)

“Non parlare di lei senza conoscere la verità.” (Don't speak about her without knowing the truth)

“Ma quale verità, Carina? Sa solo come ferirti.” (What truth? She only knows how hurt you)

“È cambiata. Prometto che vi racconterò tutti di noi.” (She changed. I promise I'll tell you everything about us.)

“Godiamoci Fran?”   (Let's enjoy Fran?)

“Davvero?” (Really?)

Chapter Text

Maya woke up from a dreamless sleep with a sense of calmness she hadn’t felt in a long while. Her breath was steady and her body relaxed against the mattress. The exhaustion from the day before, having evaporated from her body.

A soft smile reached her lips as she allowed the night before to take over. The way Carina’s lips had felt against her cheek and the softness of her hand that greeted her skin after all this time apart. Because despite having been a few lingering touches here and there, the intimacy of the moment when Carina cupped her cheek -as if she was admiring the most beautiful piece of art in the museum, had Maya leaning against the touch at the time their eyes locked momentarily. Emotions they weren’t ready to discuss just yet dancing like dusty particles in daylight.

And despite the momentary jealousy she felt as Carina walked to the adjacent room to find sleep once again with their daughter in her arms, she was happy just knowing she was staying the night just a few feet away from her family. With Carina’s goodnight kiss clinging to her heart in a chokehold.

“I’m screwed,” Maya’s smile deepened as she stood up.

Remembering Carina’s words last night, she quickly washed up before making her way to the kitchen, where she quietly rummaged through cabinets in search of the supplies she needed.

Once she had them all, she eyed the small moka pot and thought about the way Carina had taught her how to use it way back when they just started dating. She couldn’t not do it. So once she placed the grounded coffee beans in the filter over the water chamber and twisted it close, she placed it on the stove before starting on the pancakes. It was only fair after Carina had spent all day yesterday taking care of their daughter’s birthday.

Although the silent mission was developing successfully, a small slip on the pan’s handle had a loud clang breaking the silence that reigned in the early morning. 

Maya cursed herself as she awaited frozenly for any sign of complaints, but all she could hear were muffled voices and high-pitched giggles.

“Ma-ya!” Francesca smiled toothily as she rushed to her mother.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Maya easily scooped the toddler and spun her around making her shriek and giggle. “Ready for breakfast?” She kissed the chubby cheek.

“Wad is?” She eyed the counter.

“I’m making your favorites,” Maya’s heart smiled at the happiness she could see on her daughter’s face.

Placing Francesca on the floor as requested, she watched fondly as the little girl ran back towards Carina’s room, laughing under her breath as she heard the chirpy voice calling for her mother to wake up to have pancakes.

Just as she poured the first scoops of batter onto the hot pan, Francesca appeared at her side requesting to be lifted up. “You’re back,” she placed her on the counter by her side at a safe distance.

Francesca ignored her as her eyes fixed on the bubbles starting to appear on the pancake, blinking as Maya easily flipped it over.

It wasn’t long until the little girl started to babble about her daycare friends, Luna being the one her daughter focused on the most. Even though her two-year-old still missed a lot of words in her vocabulary, she made sure she understood what she was told, nodding and asking her daughter’s affirmations making sure she understood her right.

“See what I mean?” Came Carina’s voice as she made her presence known.

Maya leaned to her side and kissed the little girl's head before her eyes found Carina’s. “Ciao,” Maya then reached into the moka pot and quickly poured the brown liquid into a small cup. “It’s been a while, so I hope I got it right,” she offered, somewhat timidly.

“Grazie," the doctor brought the espresso to her lips and took a sip. “Mm, could be worse.” Maya could see the hint of a smile behind the cup, and she silently high-fived herself.

“Rude.” Maya faked offense as she flipped yet another pancake. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you the ways,” Carina winked as she walked the small distance from the toddler and kissed the top of her head, ignoring Maya’s breath halting suddenly.

“So, I was thinking,” Maya ignored the warmth in her chest. “Can I spend the day with Fran?” she tried, smiling at the cheer that came from the kid on her left. “I want to make it up to her for yesterday,” she rushed to explain.

“Bambina,” Carina’s eyes softened deeper -if it was even possible. “You don’t need a reason to be with her,” she leaned a bit closer, still right by their daughter. “We haven’t discussed it yet with her, but it’s a fact that she’s equally yours as she is mine,” Maya didn’t need to hear the word being spoken. She already knew what Carina meant with just one look at their daughter. She could hear it in her voice. ‘You’re her mother, too.’

The lump in Maya’s throat was hard to swallow, so she nodded instead. Still wrapping her head around the fact she was a mother. To Carina’s child.

“I have work in an hour,” Carina shrugged. “I’ll cancel Ely and you can stay here if you want.”

“I was thinking maybe enjoying the sun and going to the park?” She giggled as Francesca cheered.

“Yes! Wid Fod?” She pleaded.

“We can pick him up, yes.” She smiled, plating the last pancake, grabbing the plate and her coffee mug as she followed her family to the dining table, where the three of them ate in a comfort that Maya was still getting used to. 

The last time she ate with Carina like this, the tense cloud around them had snapped, resulting in their break-up. Leaving them both heartbroken and unable to find their way back to each other. And just like that, Maya traveled to the past, remembering the mess of emotions and heartache that she’s become, all because she wasn’t good enough for someone as magical as Carina. She thought she was destined to a life of loneliness, unable to be loved despite her-

“Bambina? Stai bene?” Carina’s soft voice stopped her reverie.

“Yeah, sorry. What did you say?” She looked sheepishly.

“Nothing. We just lost you for a second,” Carina’s eyes fixed on her, and Maya couldn’t help fidgeting under the intense glare. Exhaling when the brunette nodded curtly, allowing her escape.

“Bene,” Carina then fixed on the toddler happily munching on her food. “You’ll be good for Maya, sì?”

“Sì,” Francesca nodded. “Ma-ya fun!” She then turned to her and Maya wondered if she’d ever get used to the feeling her daughter’s reaction evoked. Every. Single. Time.

“And you,” Carina then looked at Maya. “You’ll call me if anything happens or you need something. Capito?” Her sculpted eyebrow arched in warning.

“Sì,” Maya nodded with a mock salute, ignoring the feeling settling low on her stomach.

“Behave,”

The word had felt so charged with something Maya couldn’t name, intensifying heat between her thighs. And she knew she was over.

Stepping out of the hospital room, Carina's hands bunched the disposable gown and threw it in the nearest trash bin, a long sigh leaving her lips in the process. She loved her job and the adrenaline cases like these provided. Even more so when she had busy days with back-to-back deliveries. But knowing she was here working while Maya spent her day off with their daughter, she regretted not following her wish to call in sick and stay home with them. She wanted nothing more than to spend moments with her reassembling family.

The simplicity of the small shifted dynamic on the morning routine had her craving for more days like this, where Maya would feel comfortable enough to make use of her space as if she belonged there. And the happiness reflected on their daughter’s face as Maya suggested spending the whole day with her did something funny to Carina’s inside. And she could only hope for the feeling never to cease. Not after last night.

Not when she saw Maya’s easy demeanor after having fallen asleep on her shoulder. And certainly not after her impulsive goodnight kiss had Maya staring at her with those blue eyes that sparkled with love.

And the way Maya had easily accepted Francesca and constantly proved to be as present as she could given the circumstances, she knew she couldn’t stand in the middle of them. On the contrary, all she wanted was for Maya to move in with them.

‘Pazienza,’   she reminded herself. But it was easier said than done with every day that went by.

The whole night had held unspoken promises of what a life together could be like, and Carina had to fight back the urge to just make it happen.

Turning to her right, Carina rushed to apologize to whoever she collided with, when she focused on a smirking Amelia eyeing her up and down.

“Finally, I caught you,” the neurosurgeon grabbed her arms and dragged her to her office, closing the door behind her after pushing Carina inside.

“You should watch your manners,” Carina rolled her eyes.

“If I were someone else you wouldn’t complain.”

“Zitto.” Carina pointed her finger at her friend.

“Anyways. I want it all.” She sat on the couch in her office and Carina reluctantly followed. “How was it? Are you married already?”

Carina tried to seem annoyed by Amelia’s insistence, but the smile creeping on her lips betrayed her. “It was… something.”

“Define something,” the blue-eyed woman pressed.

“She made me an espresso today. Just how I like it,” Carina bit the inside of her cheek to stop the huge smile.

“After the sex, I hope.”

Carina couldn’t help laughing at the look in Amelia’s eyes.

“After I woke up on the couch in the middle of the night with my head on her shoulder and Fran snuggled against her chest.”

“Shut up!” Amelia’s eyes widened at the time her mouth formed a perfect O. “Please, tell me you didn’t let her sleep on the couch nor in the guest room.”

“Carina!” The neurosurgeon scolded.

“In my defense, we’re taking it slow! I can’t ask her to sleep with me?” Carina reasoned.

“I swear to God, woman!” Amelia grunted.

Needing to placate her friend’s stress and also wanting to mess with her, Carina continued. “She asked me on a date,”

“FUCKING FINALLY!” Amelia clapped repeatedly, celebrating like a giddy teenager, excitement written all over her. “You said yes, right? Tell me you said yes.”

“I said yes,” the soft smile on Carina’s lips turned somewhat shy at the thought.

“When? Where?” Her friend was quick to shoot.

“I don’t know yet,”

“WHAT? Oh, my god! You both are useless,” Amelia grunted as she flopped against the couch dramatically. “At this point, we should lock you both in a room and not let you come out until you kiss.”

“What if we alrea-”

“OH, MY GOD! YOU KISSED?!”

“I kissed her cheek,” Carina couldn’t help the amusement as Amelia complained once again.

“You’re evil,” Amelia grunted.

Carina ignored her. “She’s at home with Fran,” she offered instead. “Today, when I walked to Maya cooking breakfast while talking with her, I felt like she belonged there. With us.” She paused, searching for the words. “But I promised her we won’t rush it this time.”

“I mean, yeah. That’s the smart thing to do. But oh, my god, woman! I don’t know how you can manage so much sexual tension.”

“I just… I’m willing to do whatever to have her back,” Carina shrugged as it was obvious.

“That is the most exasperating slow burn I’ve ever seen. And that says a lot considering Jo and Alex’s.” Amelia rolled her eyes. 

“I call it weariness,” Carina retorted, smiling triumphantly as Amelia just stared at her, unable to speak.

“Seriously, now,” Amelia leaned forward. “How was the night?”

Carina sighed, a soft smile adorning her lips. “She cooked for us after she helped me calm Fran down when the power went out in the middle of her bath,” Carina paused at the memory, her heart melting once more. “She’s just… She’s amazing,” Carina shrugged. “She’s always been.”

“Looks like someone is falling in love all over again,” Amelia smiled.

“I never stopped loving her,” Carina sighed.

“But you needed this time apart,” Amelia nodded. “You both needed to grow and work on yourselves. And I know she did,” the neurosurgeon affirmed. “But Carina, with Fran and everything you went through in the last part of your relationship, are you sure you’re ready to dive in? Or is it just the need to have her back?”

“I-” Carina stopped herself. She understood her friend’s concerns. Amelia and Andrew were the only ones who knew the good, the bad, and the ugly of Carina’s relationship with Maya. And despite Amelia having always been partial in a way that called Carina out on her bullshit without judging her, she knew the brunette had her best interest at hand, despite being team Maya and all. 

“Look, you know I’ll always root for you both,” Amelia assured her. “But just like before, you have to meet each other in the middle. Are you sure you can do that this time around?” She asked.

“Yes,” Carina nodded. “These last few weeks made me realize some things that helped me understand why Maya and I couldn’t work out before.” 

“I know it won’t be easy,” Carina continued when the silence had stretched for so long. “But I owe us the talk. And Fran.” She added. “I owe it to my family to come clean and show Maya that I can be the person she needs.”

“Then, don’t wait much longer. Every day that passes and you don’t sit and talk, is missed time. And as you said, Fran deserves better.”

Just then, her phone pinged with an incoming message from her brother and she used it as her cue to return to work. So after thanking Amelia, she walked back to her office to pick up some files she needed.

Taking a moment to read Andrew’s text, her heart froze at what she saw.

“Just because she’s nice to her doesn’t mean I like her.” Read the message attached to a picture showing Maya with a laughing Francesca as they played with Maya’s labradoodle at the park, unaware of Andrew’s presence.

Once she reached her office, she took a deep breath and quickly tapped on the screen, sending her answer before locking her phone. She didn’t need Andrew’s aversion right now.

While she understood her brother’s dislike of Maya, she knew he was being biased on the past, not fair at all to Maya’s real persona. And so, she made up her mind that once she and Maya solved their situationship, she’d have them both meeting, so Andrew could see what she saw on Maya. Because despite her past actions, Carina had been at fault too. Maya was much more than her demons.

“Hi,” Maya picked up the call.

“Ciao, Bambina,” Carina’s voice sounded tired. 

“Is everything alright?” Maya asked concerned, her hand stopping mid-air as she was building a tower with her daughter.

“Sì. Just I’ve got an emergency c-section on a complicated case and I don’t know how long it will be,”

Maya could hear it in her voice, so she rushed to placate her worries.

“I don’t work until tomorrow midday. I’ll stay.” Maya’s eyes found Francesca’s and a warm smile spread on her face. “Don’t worry about it.”

The sigh at the other side of the line deepened her smile. “Prego. I’ll make you tiramisu.”

“Ugh, don’t you dare play with my heart,” Maya whined as she thought about the flavorful dessert she misses so much.

Carina gasped and Maya could feel the smile that followed, sending warmth through her bloodstream.

“I have to go, see you later, Bella. Baci a entrambi,” Carina mimicked a kiss sound before she hung up, unaware of Maya’s fluttering heart.

Maya locked her phone and went back to her tower, ready to follow her daughter’s instructions in what started to seem like a small kingdom of… shapes.

“Need more,” the little girl looked at the 6 constructions scattered on the floor with seriousness written all over her face.

“Maybe we can add some blocks to it?” Maya offered.

Francesca analyzed the proposal with a thought that only a businessperson could muster. “Sì.” She nodded with finality as she padded her way to the small box filled with different colors and shapes of wooden blocks.

The next hour was spent building more towers and a decent-looking castle as Maya helped her daughter place some of the pieces in place, puffing her cheeks to stop herself from complaining when Francesca’s chubby hands lost precision and sent the structure falling, forcing Maya to comfort the toddler while she patiently rebuilt it. Every time.

One look through the window made her realize the sun had long gone down, allowing the moon to step up.

“Hey, Fran?” Maya called her attention. “It’s time for your bath,” she offered.

“No Mamma?” The little girl frowned.

“No, Sunshine. She’s still at work.” Maya waited patiently until she stood up from her place on the floor, extending her little hand as if she trusted her wholeheartedly and Maya didn’t know what to do with the weird feeling that settled in her heart.

To say bath time is an adventure was an understatement. The mess that was left after finishing had Maya so close to a breakdown. She wondered if Carina had the same feeling every night. 

But the sense of… something she didn’t know how to describe, was enough to make her leave the messy bathroom for later, focusing on this new side she got to experience for the first time.

After dressing her daughter in her chosen onesie and having brushed her hair, Maya allowed her to play some more while she took over cooking. Something easy and quick that Carina could reheat in just 2 minutes, in case she took much longer.

“Mamma!”

Maya heard Francesca squeal in delight as she rushed to the front door.

“Ciao, piccolina,” Carina greeted her with a smile, peppering her face with kisses until the toddler squirmed in her grasp.

“Stoooooop!” Francesca’s giggles resounded around them, filling Maya’s chest with warmth. 

“Ciao, Bambina,” Carina’s eyes shone with something Maya couldn’t pinpoint.

“Hi,” she answered from her place on the stove. “Hope you’re okay with pasta,”

“You know the way to my heart,” Carina smirked as she walked to her and Maya had to scold herself for wanting to kiss that smirk away. “Can I try?” She pointed to the sauce.

Maya quickly took a spoon, scooping a small amount of the red thick sauce and offered it to Carina. “Here,”

Maya choked at hearing the small moan that escaped Carina’s lips, her whole body raising its temperature.

“You evolved,” Carina smiled something mischievous, giggling at Maya’s grunt.

“Menace.” She turned back to the pot, not ready to look at Carina yet. Only nodding when Carina announced she was gonna freshen up, needing to wear something more comfortable.

Just as Carina returned, Maya had left the sauce to simmer for a bit while the water boiled. Sitting beside her on the couch, they played with their daughter easily, as if the three of them belonged there, at that moment.

The comfortable silence that had settled around them was broken by Francesca’s wandering voice. “Ma-ya stays?” She looked up at both adults, taking them by surprise.

“I can’t, Sunshine.” Maya was the first one to react.

“But I like you here,” the little girl pouted and Maya felt her heart squeeze at the sight.

“And I like being here too,” Maya mimicked her pout, although it was mixed with a not-so-hidden smile.

“Then live wid us!” Maya’s heart stopped for a few seconds too long at the casualness of the suggestion. As if it was something completely normal.

“Piccolina,” Carina interjected, voice careful, as she extended her arm to her daughter, who promptly moved closer, standing in front of both her moms. “Just because we like someone being home doesn’t mean they can come live with us,” she tried, unaware of Maya’s pang in her heart even though she understood Carina’s reasoning.

“But,” Francesca looked at her now, her pout deepening. “She fun. And cooks!”

“Your mamma cooks too,” Maya dismissed the tug at her heart, focussing on preventing an approaching tantrum. “And we can still have fun together,” she offered.

“But no bwekfat,” the toddler’s eyes started to water and Maya couldn’t help it. She quickly scooped her up and placed her on her lap, ignoring Carina’s burning stare as she focused on her upset daughter.

“If Mamma wants, we can have sleepovers sometimes,” she tried, knowing Carina wouldn’t deny. “Would you like that?”

At the silent nod against her chest, Maya kissed her daughter’s head, lingering for a few moments before she looked at Carina.

Her heart flopped a few meters at what she saw.

“Hey, not you too,” Maya tilted her head as her hand found Carina’s. “What’s wrong?”

Carina’s small laugh came watery as she dried the forming tears with her free hand.

“Sorry, my period is messing with me.” The brunette spoke, but Maya didn’t buy it.

“We agreed on no more closing up,” Maya reminded her, sensing there was something else to Carina’s mood. She came home somewhat tense and Maya had let it rest for as long as she could.

“I-” Carina tried and Maya waited patiently, busying herself with their daughter’s hair. “Last night and this morning felt good,” Carina voiced softly. “I liked having you here,”

Maya liked it too. She even wanted more. But the small weight against her chest reminded her that they should be smart about any decision that could affect Francesca’s life. 

“We’ll talk about it after she goes to bed?” Maya sighed when Carina nodded, dropping the impending talk for now.

And so, after an easy dinner and Maya obliging to Francesca’s request to join her night routine, both women sat on the couch. The heavy silence wrapped around them like a cocoon and Maya didn’t know how to feel about it.

“These past few days…” Carina broke the silent spell. “Cazzo. È così difficile trovare le parole.” Carina sighed exasperatedly, trying and failing to find the right words.

“Hey,” Maya took her hand in between hers in an impulse, her thumb rubbing the soft skin gently.

Looking into Carina’s eyes, Maya found something that made her heart flutter. The heavy air shifted into something intimate, a private moment that held so many promises. 

The hand that was on the top of Carina’s moved up her cheek, brushing a silent tear that slipped and her breath stopped momentarily as Carina leaned into the touch, without breaking eye contact.

“I miss us,” 

It was spoken so softly, so quietly that Maya wouldn’t have heard it if she wasn’t right beside Carina. And Maya had to resist the urge to act on the confession. Instead, she closed her eyes and allowed herself to bask in the words. She allowed herself to feel drawn to the spell those three words cast over her soul.

“I feel like it’s taking so long and we’re missing time. I-” the doctor paused once again. This time, she grabbed Maya’s hand and brought it to her lips. And Maya’s nervous system froze.

“Bambina, I know we agreed on no rushing it, but this between us is becoming painful,” 

Maya witnessed how Carina’s lower lip wobbled and this whole charade was becoming so fucking difficult.

“I want you,” Maya confessed. “But I’m afraid.” She added, hoping Carina could understand her.

“I know,” Carina nodded. “I’m scared too.”

Maya looked into those brown eyes for something that could give her in. Anything that told her Carina was rushing this??  But she found nothing.

“Ti amo davvero,” Maya made sure the words were clear, holding her breath as Carina’s eyes filled with tears, reflecting her feelings. “God, Carina. You have no idea how much I want us. But we can’t afford to mess with our daughter’s life.” She confessed.

“I’m not saying we have to marry, Bambina,” Carina shrugged. “I just want us to get to know each other and to learn how to love each other again, in the way that we deserve,” Carina moved closer, her knee pressing against Maya’s thigh. “I don’t want to spend another minute without you, Maya. I don’t think I can. And Fran deserves us together, too. She deserves to have both her moms.”

Maya mulled Carina’s words carefully, trying and failing to retort the reasoning.

The truth was, Maya couldn’t wait much longer. Ever since she came back, all her mind could focus on was the Italian woman who stole her heart and never returned it. Because even during their time apart, Maya’s heart was with Carina. Every single second of every single day. And the fact she now had a daughter, only added to the longing.

“Tomorrow night,” she said. “I’ll take you on a date tomorrow night.”

Maya witnessed how Carina’s eyes clouded momentarily with disappointment and she almost retracted herself.

“I promise. Tomorrow we talk,” Maya reassured. “I just need to organize my thoughts,”

“I know,” Carina nodded reluctantly. “I can only wait, now.”

“I’m sorry,” Maya felt her heart drop. But she knew she couldn’t jump into this without a contingency plan.

“I should go,” Maya stood up, extending her hand to Carina, who looked up at her confusedly.

After a second, Carina took her hand and Maya yanked her against her front, wrapping her arms around the Italian. “I love you,” she mussed against her hair. “I just need a little more time.” She placed a kiss on the top of her head, only tightening her hold as Carina snuggled even further against her.

Maya allowed themselves a few moments of this closeness they had longed for so long before she reluctantly broke apart, just enough to find Carina’s eyes.

“I promise, tomorrow.” Maya brought their foreheads together, not daring to kiss her just yet.

“Okay,” Carina sighed, her brown eyes locked with Maya’s blue ones. “Ti amo,” Maya could see the words reflected in Carina’s eyes, and all the restraint she held snapped like a rubber band being stretched too much.

In a rush of impulse, Maya cupped Carina’s cheeks and shortened the distance between them. Their lips reacquainting after so long, dancing in a soft waltz only true lovers got to experience. Carina’s initial gasp turned into a soft, primal grunt as her arms wrapped around Maya’s waist, bringing their bodies flush. Not even a gush of air was allowed to pass between them. And Maya? Maya felt her world turning upside down in the best way possible. The soft lips she’s missed and dreamed of even more felt perfect against hers. The rhythm and the softness and the heat and everything in between had Maya turning into a puddle right there on Carina's living floor.

“Carina,” she broke the kiss reluctantly, not sure if she could stop herself if they kept it going.

“Stay the night?” Carina pleaded and Maya was so close to giving in.

“No,” she shook her head softly, kissing Carina’s forehead in an attempt to placate the brunette’s disappointment. “Tomorrow,” she repeated again.

“If I throw a tantrum like Fran would you?” Carina’s mischievous sparkled momentarily.

“No,” Maya giggled softly, kissing Carina’s forehead once more. “I want us strong,” she added.

“We will be,” Carina nodded and Maya didn’t know if it was for self reassurance.

“I promise, tomorrow.” Maya nodded curtly before she stepped away, walking to the door to put on her jacket.

“Text me when you get home?” Carina followed her unwillingly.

“I will,” Maya opened the door. “Sogni d’oro,” she winked before she walked outside, looking at Carina’s soft smile one last time before closing the door behind her.

Just when she got in her car, Maya allowed herself to deflate. The emotions she had endured the last 24 hours or so were slowly crawling to her, making her break her own promise and go back to Carina’s arms. Where she belonged.

‘No.’ She scolded herself.

"Capito?” = Understood?

‘Pazienza,’ = Patience.

"Baci a entrambi,” = Kisses to you both.

“Cazzo. È così difficile trovare le parole.” = Shit, it's so hard to find the words.

“Ti amo davvero,” = I truly love you.

“Sogni d’oro,” = Sweet dreams.

Chapter Text

The first thing Maya saw as she opened the door was a blur of honey-colored hair before she was tackled by her labradoodle who sniffed at her and wagged his tail happily.

“Hi, buddy. Hi, my boy.” Maya giggled as she scratched under his ears, greeting him.

“He’s been kinda anxious since you left earlier to go back to your wife,” Andy offered from her place by the door.

Sighing, Maya stood up. The hallway of Andy’s apartment wasn’t a good place to sleep. “She’s not my wife.” She rolled her eyes. “And her landlord doesn’t accept pets and Fran would throw a tantrum if she didn’t get her nap soon.”

“You’re abandoning your son for your daughter,” Andy tsked. “Come here, my baby.” She kneeled to wrap her arms around the dog who happily wiggled his butt, unaware of the banter between both humans. “Yeah, yeah. You’ll always have tía Andy,”

Far from taking offense, Maya chuckled as she walked to the couch. “You’re an asshole,” she plopped down.

“I’m honest,” Andy moved to sit on the other end of the couch. “So, how did it go?”

Maya busied herself with petting the fluffy dog at her feet, mustering up the courage.

“It’s so hard to take it slow,” she found herself confessing. “I know I need us to take it step by step. But you should’ve seen the way her face morphed to disappointment when I couldn’t stay. You should have- Andy, I swear to God. It’s getting so hard to say no to her,” Maya deflated.

“I’d be worried if it were easy.” The brunette offered with a calm smile.

Maya just stared at her friend, waiting for the joke that never came. Instead, she found nothing but support.

“I kissed her.” She blurted out.

“Maya!” If Andy felt any bit of sleep in her body, that confession surely woke her up.

“I know! I know it was wrong, but-”

“Not necessarily wrong,” Andy interrupted her. “Just… rushed.”

“I tried so fucking hard to stop myself. I promise! I just…” Maya paused, searching for the words.

“You miss her,” Andy offered.

“Yes,” Maya whined.

“Do you regret it?” 

Maya swallowed. She really thought about the question. She knew it wasn’t regret. She could never feel any ounce of remorse when it came to Carina. But some logical part of her scolded her impulsive side for messing with it. She knew, that despite the kiss being enjoyed and welcomed by both of them, it was a step closer to the void that none of them was quite ready to jump into. Not yet.

“Look, don’t punish yourself for it,” Andy’s hand squeezed her thigh. “From now on, just take it slow.” Andy then stood up walking to her bedroom, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Andy was right. She couldn’t keep living scared of the past. She could only focus on the present and work for a better future. For her and her family. But the look on Carina’s face haunted her all the way home.

Those brown eyes filled with sorrow were almost enough to retract to herself.

“Maya!” Carina called after her, with tears already pooling in her eyes. “You can’t leave me!”

“I can, Carina. And I will!” Maya ignored the tears streaming down Carina’s cheeks. Her mind was too much of a mess and she had no room in her heart to care about her girlfriend. Not when the air felt so heavy, hurting her lungs. “I never complained once how you face your demons, so don’t you dare tell me what to do!” Maya spit venomously as she finished securing her shoe, practically stomping through the door. “Don’t wait up.”

Maya didn’t know for how long she’d been running, but her breathing had become a welcomed ache as her lungs inflated with every inhale. The messy, tangled knot of thoughts kept being hard to clear up, but she could try and figure out her own shit now. Without the constant pressure of Carina asking for answers or pushing for words, Maya felt somewhat calmer, easier. Which led her to question when .

When did they become this mess of a couple? When did they lose themselves and each other? When did the miscommunication started? When did they stop fighting for their love? 

When did Carina become this constantly annoying person that slept in her bed every night and shared breakfast and meals with?

When did their ‘I love you’ started to be spoken out of habit instead of actual love?

The few, consecutive drops colliding against Maya’s burning skin had her stopping her track, looking up at the pink sky hanging heavy above her as the droplets now fell on her face, like a welcoming blanket of… release. So instead of rushing home while secluding herself from the rain like any person would do, she started her way back with a light jog, allowing the rain to wash away her exhaustion. 

Maybe that way, she could stay. Maybe that way, she could find her way back to Carina.

The scene that greeted her when she returned to their apartment did little to her. And while part of her wanted to kneel beside the sleeping Italian on the couch and kiss her awake like she’s done so many times, she silently walked to the bathroom, deciding to shower and erase the fact she'd been under the rain on a cold night. She knew she couldn’t bear another fight. Not tonight.

When she stepped into the bedroom freshly showered she found Carina had moved to their bed, their eyes locking momentarily in a silent fight that soon became a truce since none of them had the energy needed for that.

Throwing a baggy t-shirt she used for bed, Maya got under the covers. Her eyes fixed on Carina’s back as if she could see through the flesh and bones, as if she could find her soul. Her fingers itched to caress her girlfriend’s hair, and her arms tingled with the need to wrap around her tense form, allowing Carina to relax against her, to feel safe. Instead, she turned around, with a gap between their bodies, both facing away from each other.

The nudge against her shin brought her back to the present, sighing as she petted Ford’s head.

“I know, buddy. Sweet dream,” she leaned down to kiss his head before she walked to bed, ready to try and put the guilt away.

Bailey had given Carina the day off in exchange for an extraordinary 72-hours shift the day after tomorrow, so after she dropped Francesca at daycare, she decided to go to her favorite café. The one Maya had invited her all those weeks ago when they talked amicably for the first time in years. The need to feel her close after last night’s events had brought her here. Where so many moments had been spent. Right between these walls.

“Ciao, Bella!” The barista greeted her. “What can I get for you?”

“Ciao, Melissa,” Carina smiled softly at her. “An espresso and a sfogliatella, per favore.”

“Coming right up,” she quickly cashed Carina up before she busied herself.

Carina looked around, taking note of her favorite table being free, so she marched there. Her mind going back to the blonde firefighter and the feeling she evoked in her.

All in her craved for all of Maya. The way her body had melted against Maya’s when their lips connected for the first time after so long, was something that Carina wanted to hold onto. Because despite knowing there was a final line, they were still working towards it and she didn’t know when they’d get to share a moment like that again. Not because they didn’t want it, but because they agreed on taking it slow. And last night’s kiss was definitely a slip. A welcomed, thoroughly enjoyed slip.

Thanking the barista, Carina hummed against the small cup at the bitter flavor. But as the first taste of the flaky pastry met her taste buds, she was thrown into the past. Her mind playing a movie she wanted to forget.

She didn’t know for how long she'd been sitting there. Her espresso had run cold and the pastry remained half-eaten. All her mind could focus on was the way Maya had run away once again, leaving Carina standing there with too much to say, but no one to listen.

The last few months, Carina had witnessed how Maya started to slip through her fingers, and every attempt she made to stop it, only accelerated the process. The cracks in her heart only growing in number every single time. And being honest with herself, she didn’t know how much she could handle. 

But despite the logical part of her telling her to act on it, to do something -anything, to look after herself first, the louder part in her soul begged to stay, to keep trying until she succeeded. Because how could she give up on someone just like that? How could she walk away from someone who had seen her darkest parts but stayed nonetheless? How could she even phantom the thought of not having Maya in her life anymore?

Her sweet, beloved Maya. The woman who had come into her life as a firefighter working the aid car and had become her better half in such a short time. Maya, whose blue eyes invited her to dive into the waves, even if they became stormy at times. The only person who could put her at ease when her cases became too much to bear. Maya, who always knew how to soothe her with just one look, with just a squeeze of her hand or by placing her hand on her thigh or waist when her anxiety skyrocketed.

So no , she couldn’t let go of her. 

“Hello?” Carina almost choked on the phone.

“Tesoro,” came the voice on the other side, finally taking Carina out of memoryland.

“Gabri?” She asked, confused. By the time on her watch, it should be near midnight in Italy. “È tutto aposto?”

“Sì,” her longtime friend sighed. “Volevo farti una sorpresa, ma non sei in casa.” 

“Cosa?” Carina’s eyes widened at the time her lips curled up. “É vero?” 

“Vieni a scoprirlo,”

That was all Carina needed to rush back home, excited to see her friend after a year and a half of weekly video calls and updating messages.

As she neared her duplex, she could see the brunette standing calmly by her door, bags neatly placed beside her.

“Ciao, Bella,” Gabriella smiled widely as she walked towards the car.

Instead of answering, Carina shortened the distance between them and wrapped her arms around the brunette, melting in the safety she always provided. “Mi sei mancato.”

“Anch’io,” Gabriella pressed a kiss on the top of her head before she broke apart. “Allora,”  she clapped her hands once and Carina rolled her eyes in response.

“Let’s get inside, first,” Carina fitched her keys, as she moved to the door.

Once they brought Gabriella’s luggage to the guest room and had settled on the couch with two steamy espressos in their hands, Gabriella spoke.

“Tell me everything,” she leaned back, comfortably.

“I’m gonna explode,” Carina puffed.

“Always the dramatic one,” Gabriella poked her shin with the tip of her toes.

“Gabri,” Carina whined. The teasing was starting to affect her. And she blamed it on the anxiety that had wrapped around her like a second skin.

“Okay, okay.” Gabriella composed herself. “What’s happening?”

Carina stared at her friend for a moment, making sure she wouldn’t be teased any longer.

“Maya is taking me on a date,” 

“I knew that,” Gabriella nodded and Carina’s patience was wearing thin. “Mi dispiace.” (Sorry)

“She kissed me,” Carina braced herself for the comment that would follow, but all she was met with was silence. Gabriella’s eyes were wide and her mouth agape.

“Scusa?”

“Last night,” Carina sighed, “After we talked some, she kissed me before leaving.”

“How was it?” The older brunette asked, her body now facing Carina’s, ready to listen.

“It was… fantastico,” Carina smiled softly. “It felt somewhat safe. Like… like after all this time, we still fit with each other.”

“Perhaps you do,” Gabriella offered. “Just because you didn’t work out in the past doesn’t mean you can’t do the work, now.” She shrugged. “I don’t really know much about this new Maya, but I trust your judgment. I know you always have Fran’s best interest in mind.”

“Is why we decided to take it slow. To build us again from scratch, with trust and care. But it’s so hard to hold myself, Gabri.”

“I bet it is. But you just gotta hold on tight. And for all is holly, keep your impulses at bay,”

Carina grunted while Gabriella smirked. And so, the next few hours were spent catching up and planning Gabriella’s stay, as she is mostly in the city for a work offer.

By the time they went to pick up Fran from daycare, the usually outgoing girl was somewhat shy when she saw her mamma was accompanied by someone she didn’t know.

“Ciao, Piccolina,” Carina kneeled to be at eye level with her daughter. “Do you remember Mamma’s friend from Italy?” She asked softly, receiving a tilt of the head as the toddler eyed the woman standing patiently beside her. And after a few moments, she nodded timidly, reaching for her mother’s comfort.

Gabriella then leaned forward, extending her hand. “Ciao, Angioletta,” she smiled softly as the little girl shook her hand. “Nice to meet you,”

After the somewhat awkward introduction, the three of them headed back home, both adults listening with rapt attention to Francesca’s babbles about her adventurous day with her friends. And by the time the sun set low on the horizon, Carina’s anxiety increased a few notches, sending her into an internal spiral of self-doubt and what ifs that messed with any hope she had about her date with Maya being a successful one.

“Tesoro,” Gabriella’s hand found her thigh, stilling its movement instantly. “Respira,”

And Carina complied. The air filling her lungs was somewhat heavy yet, containing the oxygen they needed.

“I don’t want to mess it up,” Carina confessed.

“You won’t. You’ll go, talk it all out and find the way back to each other,” Gabriella’s encouraging smile placated some of her anxiety. And she thanked her friend for it. 

Gabriella’s monologue as she tried to get Fran to interact with her was somewhat cringy. And Carina had to bite the inside of her cheek to prevent her from mocking her friend.

“Is she like this with everyone?” Gabriella pouted when Fran just seized her up when she asked if she wanted help with her blocks.

After a few awkward seconds of silence, although it was hard for Carina to keep it together, Gabriella continued. “She makes me feel like Maya did when we met,”

And just like that, Francesca’s smile appeared at the mention of the blonde firefighter, schooling her features instantly as if she hadn’t been affected by her mom’s intrusive friend.

“Ma-ya comin?” The blue-eyed girl asked toothily.

“Of course, she’ll always get the girls,” Gabriella rolled her eyes and Carina couldn’t help the laughter escaping her.

“She’ll warm up,” Carina offered, composing herself.

As Maya walked through the apartment door, she allowed herself a few minutes to lay on the couch, mentally prepping herself for the date with Carina. Her whole body was torn between the tiredness of a chaotic day and the way her insides vibrated with a mix of expectation and hesitancy, making her hand sweaty and her heart beating a bit too fast.

She knew they both had changed, or at least she wanted to believe what Amelia and Andy told her was true. She wanted to believe Carina had healed -even if not entirely yet, and she was capable of meeting Maya in the middle. Just like Maya was ready to. 

So every time the past came haunting her, she reminded herself that it was just that. The past. Nowadays, it has no place in Maya’s heart anymore. 

And the kiss they shared last night only fuelled that thought. As if a dusty veil had been lifted and she could really see what a beautiful life she could have with Carina. 

If only.

“I am trying!” Maya snapped for the umpteenth time. Her hands fisted at her sides, sighing remorsefully at Carina’s flinch. “I’m sorry,” she rushed to apologize.

Instead of a verbal response, Carina’s brown eyes reflected the fury she felt inside, sending cold shivers down her spine. 

“Carina, please.”

“Don’t,” Carina raised a hand, promptly stopping her. “I don’t recognize you anymore. I know you’re Maya, but you’re not my Bambina,” the tears pooling in Carina's eyes had Maya’s heart shattering in a million pieces. “You keep saying you’re fine, but you need help. And I’m clearly not fit for that.” Carina’s smile was sad, melancholic.

“Baby, please,” Maya took a tentative step closer, deflating when Carina took one step back.

“I love you, Maya. But I can’t keep doing this if you won’t do the work.”

“Oh, so now I have to do the work?” Maya spat venomously. “You think I’m the only fucked up in this relationship?” Maya’s guilt turned into fire. “Newsflash, Carina. You have things to fix, too.” 

Maya’s breath was erratic by now. Her heartbeat rumbled in her ears in an awful bip. And the pain scratching her soul was nothing but fuel for her next move.

“Just because you’re a doctor doesn’t mean you have to fuss over my single thought, Carina. That only makes it hard to breathe.” Maya cooled. “So maybe backing off would be nice,”

Carina’s eyes opened wide, her mouth hung open in shock and Maya could see her heart shattering through her eyes, smiling wickedly as she walked away towards the guest room.

“Stop,” Maya snapped out of her mind, cracking her neck as she stood up, forcing the painful memory to go away. She had places to go and people to meet.

She had given so much thought to this date. She wanted it to be special. But she also knew she didn’t want any spectators, so she called in a few favors and planned a private dinner at Kaminski’s. When Maya had asked Vic’s mother for it, the woman was eagerly on board, ready to open the restaurant just for them despite it being the only day of the week they closed.

So with one last look at the mirror, she smoothed her blazer and marched towards her car with hopes wrestling her raising fears and the reminder of last night’s kiss fueling her soul. Praying tonight didn’t back fire tonight. After all, it had been just one kiss.

A long-awaited kiss, full of longing and feelings and promises and love . But it was just that. A kiss that enlightened a flame inside of her that was enough to placate her demons, allowing her heart to wander freely into the maze this new chapter of her life had become.

But as she knocked on the door, her heart dropped at what greeted her on the other side.

“È tutto aposto?” (Is everything okay?)

“Volevo farti una sorpresa, ma non sei in casa.” (I wanted to surprise you, but you’re not home)

“Cosa?” (What?) “É vero?” (Are you serious?)

“Vieni a scoprirlo,” (Come find out)

“Mi sei mancato.” (I missed you)

“Mi dispiace.” (Sorry)

“Respira,” (Breathe)

Chapter Text

“Aww. Are they for me?” Gabriella greeted her, eyeing the flowers in her hand. “So thoughtful of you,” the Italian batted her eyelashes mockingly.

Maya stood there with her mouth agape, unable to react. 

Should she make a scene? Should she hug her? Should she just… say hi? What was the correct procedure for this kind of situation where you didn’t know how to greet a quasi-friend you hadn’t known for a long while?

“Did the mouse get your tongue?” The brunette smirked after a few seconds of silence.

“Wha- You- How?” Maya's initial shock turned into a warm, shy smile.

“There you are! I got scared for a minute,” Gabriella brought a hand to her chest in faux relief.  “I just took a plane. How else would I cross the ocean?”

“The same bully as always, I see,” Maya rolled her eyes as she stepped inside once Gabriella moved to the side.

“Eh, you missed me,” she shrugged as they turned to the small steps resounding in the hallways.

“Ma-ya!” Francesca’s smile widened when she saw her and Maya couldn’t help her smile growing bigger.

“Hello, Sunshine,” she scooped the little girl and peppered her face with kisses, filling the apartment with high-pitched giggles.

Once Maya took pity on her daughter’s heavy breath, she placed a last kiss on the top of her head and hugged her, turning to the woman standing beside them, shy under the soft look she found in her eyes.

“You still didn’t tell me what you’re doing here,” she spoke with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Calm your fists.” Gabriella rolled her eyes. “I came to visit and maybe for a job.”

“Ugh. Now I have to see you all the time?” Maya whined.

“Get used to it,” the brunette winked mockingly, laughing.

The banter was interrupted by a gasp as Carina walked into the living room barefoot, dressed in a pair of black slacks and a pale green blouse that somehow hugged her curves.

“Here’s again the mute,” Gabriella chidded in at Maya’s inability to form words.

“Gabri!” Carina chastised, earning an eye roll from her friend. “Ciao, Bambina,” Carina then smiled softly at Maya as she leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek who -suddenly forgetting what words are, raised her hand holding the bouquet of colorful flowers she'd gotten for Carina, almost smacking her with it.

“Grazie, Bella. They’re beautiful,” Carina accepted them, amused.

“You’re beautiful,” Maya repeated dumbly and Carina pressed her lips in a thin line to avoid laughing in her face.

“Madonna santa, é un disastro,” Gabriella snorted. “You became so lame, Bishop.”

Maya grunted, hiding her face behind Francesca who -surprising all three adults, wrapped her small arms around Maya’s neck. “Thank you, baby girl,” she mumbled to her daughter.

Giggling softly, Carina booped her daughter’s nose, “I’ll go finish, Andrea must be here any minute now.” She walked to the kitchen where she easily found a vase, and filled it with water before going back to her room. Leaving Maya to focus on her daughter who had requested to play with her blocks.

Soon enough, Andrew made his appearance, making Maya tense under the hard look he directed her way.

“Where is my Birichina?” Andrew called, frowning when Francesca looked up and just waved at him.

“Fran?” Maya placed a hand on top of her. “Why don’t you go greet him?”

Francesca just shrugged and moved closer to Maya, mumbling a quiet “Hi,” 

The three adults seemed shocked at Francesca’s reaction, darkening the grey cloud looming over Maya as her anxiety started to rise.

“Ma io sono suo zio,” Andrew defeated.

“E lei è la sua Ma-ya,” Gabriella noted, smiling wickedly when the subtle hint was delivered.

After a few minutes and an awkward interaction with Andrew, Maya and Carina headed to the car, where Maya opened the passenger door, nodding with a smile when Carina thanked her and quickly rounded it to get in the driver seat.

The ride to the restaurant was filled with electricity. Both women exuded a mix of anticipation and weariness, none of them able to breathe easily.

“I’m sorry,” Carina broke the silence first. “For Andrea,” she clarified when Maya looked briefly at her.

“I kinda expected it,” Maya sighed, her knuckles almost white against the steering wheel and her eyes focused on the road. “He’s looking out for you,”

“He’s being exhausting,” Carina mumbled. “I don’t need protection. Not from you.”

The words were spoken so surely that Maya had trouble swallowing. Something inside her twisted in a way she couldn’t pinpoint.

“Carina…”

“No, Maya,” the brunette turned in her seat, facing Maya. “I know we have a lot to talk and to figure out, but Bambina, I also know you would never hurt me. Not willingly.”

“That’s a very toxic way of thinking,” Maya frowned.

“It is not if time did help us mature,” Carina shrugged. “The past hurts, but the future? Dio, Maya, we can now put in the work to have a healthy future. Together. With our daughter.”

The conviction in Carina’s voice was almost enough to sell it to Maya. 

“I-” Maya tried to find the words, but it was hard when her emotions were so intricately blended. “Let’s see how the night goes,” she practically begged.

“Bene,” Carina defeated, but Maya could still hear a sliver of hope in her voice.

As Maya pulled up to the curve, Carina’s brows furrowed at the restaurant Maya chose.

“Isn’t this Victoria’s?”

“Her parents’, but yes,” Maya killed the engine, turning to her right. “I hope it’s okay? I didn’t want to be in public and they won’t tell anyone,” Maya explained, suddenly feeling small under Carina’s intense gaze.

“Are you ashamed of me?” The brunette raised an eyebrow.

“No! Oh, God, no! I just-”

“Relax, Bella. I’m messing with you. I get it,” Carina’s softness did something funny to Maya’s insides.

Nodding to herself, Maya quickly stepped out and rounded the car to open the door with a flourish. Smiling charmingly when Carina kissed her cheek in thanks.

Inside the restaurant, a chirpy voice greeted them as Vic’s mom appeared in front of them, hugging Maya. “So good to see you, sweetie.” 

“Hi, Lenya,” Maya smiled warmly. “This is Carina,”

“Nice to meet you,” the woman extended her hand politely.

“Likewise,” Carina greeted, shaking it. “Thank you for closing up for us,”

“Oh, no. We opened up for you,” Lenya clarified, eyeing Maya. “This one here was in need of some help. But don't tell her I told you,” she winked, earning a giggle from Carina and a grunt from Maya.

Once they were seated and the wine filled their glasses, Carina spoke.

“Thank you for this,” she reached for Maya’s hand on the table and Maya felt her breath hitch.

“Thank you for coming,” Maya’s gaze fell to their hands, her thumb softly caressing Carina’s skin in a reflex.

“You do realize you brought me here, sì?”

“You know what I mean,” Maya rolled her eyes, but her smile betrayed her. She somehow melted every time Carina messed with her.

The silence between them was a mix of contentment and anxiety, charged with feelings that had been simmering for a while now. Yet, none of them knew how to start.

Carina felt as if this was the only chance she got and so, she didn’t want to mess it up.

“You’re so quiet,” Maya looked up from her place on the couch.

“Just thinking,” Carina offered, nonchalantly. Her face on the TV playing some movie she had long lost track of, avoiding her girlfriend’s gaze.

“Want to share with the class?” Maya tried and Carina sighed tiredly.

“What’s the point? You’ll run away the moment it gets hard,” she addressed.

“Wow. Feeling sharp, don’t we?” Maya countered.

Carina grunted, throwing her head back. “I don’t want to fight again, Maya. Seems like the only thing we do, lately.”

“Well, it takes two to tango.” Maya stood up from the couch. “I’m going to the bathroom, by the way.” She rolled her eyes and walked towards the hallway.

The squeeze on her hand brought Carina back from the memory her mind decided to play. Looking up, she found Maya’s soft eyes staring at her.

“You okay?” The anxiety in her voice had Carina’s heart twisting.

“Yes,” she returned the squeeze. “I just… How do we do this?” Carina mused, not wanting to push Maya.

“Maybe we start over?” Maya offered. “We just take it one talk at a time?”

Carina weighed the words, soon realizing that was probably the best way to move forward.

“I’m Carina DeLuca,” she offered.

“Piacere. Maya Bishop, at your service,” Maya bowed her head and Carina couldn’t help the giggles.

“Charming,” she noted, basking in Maya’s megawatt smile.

“So, tell me about you,” Maya prodded.

“About me? Hmm..” Carina brought her thumb and index finger to her chin, making a show of thinking. “I’m a very important OB/GYN and I’m Italian,” she listed off. “Oh, oh! And I have the most beautiful daughter ever,” she smiled reflectively.

“Oh, you do? I bet she’s very cute,” Maya followed her and Carina beamed at it.

“She has her bio mom’s looks, so I agree,” Carina winked, feeling proud as Maya’s cheeks tinted a faint pink.

“Do you ever regret it?” The voice came so low that -after the initial shock, Carina wanted nothing more than to hold Maya in her arms.

“No,” Carina shook her head. “Would I change the circumstances? Probably. You deserved to be there. We needed you there. But Bambina, I could never regret my decision. She’s ours,” 

Carina relaxed when Maya nodded, her lips curving in a shy smile.

“I love her,” Maya confessed and Carina felt her heart lap. “It’s scary but… It’s also exciting and I miss her all the time,” Maya continued. “I feel this- I don’t know. It’s like knowing I helped create this precious gift makes me want to be better. I want Fran to maybe one day look up to me. Is that wrong?”

Carina could feel her eyes sting, but she didn’t cry. The revelation had her feeling warm inside.

“Nothing wrong with that, Bambina,” Carina offered with a teary smile. “That’s motherhood,” she laughed softly. “She’ll push you to the limit sometimes, but she loves you to hell and back.  And here between us? She already does.”

“Really?” Maya tilted her head.

Before Carina could answer, Lenya arrived with their food, smiling confidently as they thanked her.

Taking a minute to formulate her words, Carina brought a spoonful of the warm stew, unable to suppress the small moan at the rich flavor that met her taste buds. “This is so good,” 

“Right? Is my favorite. It’s called Bigos and it has a variety of meats,” Maya informed matter of factly in that way that had Carina melting into a puddle. “I tried to replicate it the other day. Vic called me a disgrace,” Maya pouted.

“We’ll figure it out,” Carina comforted her.

“Really?” Maya’s eyes lit up and Carina felt her stomach flip.

“Next time we’re both off, we’ll cook it together.” She nodded with finality as a warm smile pulled at her lips at the way Maya’s eyes shone. “About Fran, she does love you,”

That seemed to do it. Maya’s shoulders slumped subtly and Carina feared she might have messed up.

“What is it?” She asked warily.

“I… I’ll start looking for a place,” Maya said shyly. “And maybe, if it’s okay with you… I would like to have a room for her?” Maya’s eyes found hers and Carina felt a pull at her heart. “I- I really want us more than anything.” Maya clarified. “But if we don’t work out, I still want to have shared custody, if that’s okay with you?”

Seeing her so small about something that was her right had Carina swallowing hard.

“We will work out,” she nodded more to herself. “But just in case, yes, Maya. We will share custody.” Carina agreed easily. It was a no-brainer. “We can tell her when you’re ready,”

The truth was, Carina had been ready to introduce Maya as Francesca’s mom as soon as she saw her again three months ago. But she also knew she couldn’t pressure her. Maya should be the one who set the pace and Carina would follow.

“You think she’ll be okay with it?” Maya mused.

“Oh, Bambina. She’ll be delighted!” Carina smiled, already imagining her daughter when they broke the news to her. “She talks about you nonstop,”

Carina saw how Maya relaxed and she felt something funny in her stomach. There was nothing she wanted more than Fran to see Maya as her mother. She’s been dreaming about it sporadically and every time she woke up, she had to do some breathing exercises for her heart to calm down. Not to mention that for the first few months, she lulled Francesca to sleep by telling her about her other mom, so she was hopeful her daughter’s instincts would react right to the news.

“And, you know… Maybe you could stay over too, sometimes?” Maya wondered.

“We haven’t finished our first date yet and you’re already asking me to sleep over?” Carina raised an eyebrow.

“We already have a daughter together,” Maya countered, making them both laugh.

“Touché,” Carina shook her head, amused.

The silence set between them like a welcomed cloud as the words weighed on them. The unspoken promise of a future hanging low over them. Practically at hand reach.

The night passed between easy talk and updates about their lives. Who would know three years could have a lot in store to share about? Although most of their talk gravitated around Francesca as if she was the hot topic of the moment.

“Can I ask you something?” Carina spoke in the comfortable silence that settled momentarily between them. “Did you ever try with someone else?” She mused after Maya nodded.

“I think try is a strong word.” Maya smiled sadly. “I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you. I left because we were hurting each other and running away is what I have always been good at,” Maya shrugged. “I did have a few night stands here and there, but just to scratch an itch,” the blonde sat straighter, her fingers tracing the glass in front of her. “But soon enough, I realized I ended up feeling empty afterward so I stopped it altogether and decided to focus on healing.”

“Did you ever think about me?” Carina dared to try, already bracing herself.

“Every single day,” Maya’s smile was bittersweet and Carina couldn’t help mirroring it. “Andy tried to talk about you, but I didn’t want to know. Not until I knew what to do with whatever she’d tell me. And soon enough, she stopped trying.”

Carina let the words settle. She allowed herself to feel them, she granted the words the power they had over her next curse of action.

“And now?” She looked up, finding Maya’s gaze. “Are you ready? For us, I mean,” she added.

“I am,” Maya nodded. “You?”

Carina took a moment to mull over the question. Was she actually ready? Or was she just so eager to have Maya back in her life that she was rushing this? This was their first date after all and she had just started to know this new Maya.

“I’m scared, but I need this,” she signaled between them.

“Nedding it and being ready for it are different things.” Maya pointed out.

The sadness in her voice had Carina’s heart cracking. And she hated herself for causing it.

“I have to be honest,” she leaned over, her hand reaching for Maya’s. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. We hurt each other and I don’t know if I’ll be able to forget. Both of us. But I also know that the only way to be truly happy is by allowing myself to fall.” She explained. “Even if I end up falling face-first on the floor.”

She’s been thinking about it for a while now. After the first ‘no’ she got from Maya, she understood her weariness. Yet, part of her knew she’d never be at ease if she didn’t try once again. Despite her fears and the hurt she endured in the past, she could see Maya was trying. She didn’t run away when things got serious. 

While time ago Maya would barely acknowledge her feelings and worries and whatnot, closing up to herself, she now let Carina in. She allowed her to see her vulnerability and she spoke more about her feelings, about her hopes.

“I agree we take this slow, but… I still think we’re losing time,” she shrugged.

“Thank you for telling me,” Maya squeezed her hand, masking the momentary defeat.

“I love you, Bambina. I never stopped loving you,” Carina made sure the words hit home.

“But?” Maya asked warily.

“No buts,” Carina shook her head. “Just looking forward to a life together,” she shrugged.

“I love you too,” Maya brought the hand entwined with hers to her lips and kissed it softly, sending shivers down Carina’s back. “I’ll always catch you,” she vowed against her knuckles. “I’m never running away again, especially from our family. We do this together,”

Carina dried the small tear that fell with her free hand. Everything in her lighting up like a bonfire she never wants to extinguish. And the look of pure adoration she saw in Maya’s eyes made her believe this was it. This, right here, was enough for Carina to fight with all her might, trusting Maya would be by her side.

“Madonna santa, é un disastro,” (Holly shit, she's a disaster)

“Ma io sono suo zio,”  (But I'm her uncle)

“E lei è la sua Ma-ya,” (And she is her Ma-ya)

Chapter Text

“Okay people,” Captain Herrera spoke after they had lined up. “As you know, the free clinic has been under wraps for a while, ultimating details. I’m glad to announce that what once was a project, is now a reality.”

The whole crew cheered up at the news. The fact that they would help those who didn’t want nor could go to the hospital, to be taken care of here, in this right fire station, was beyond exciting. Knowing they could help their community even outside of emergency calls and fires, was something Maya was counting the days for.

“Do we know who will be helping?” Jack asked.

Captain Herrera nodded, his warm smile in place. “We already have a few names written down from Grey Sloan, but most of them will be on a rotation schedule along with some volunteering interns.”

“Would you get to see your girl?” Andy whispered in Maya’s ear.

“God, I hope so.” The blonde sighed dreamily.

After their date, the relationship between Maya and Carina slowly became much more solid than it was years ago. And even though nothing had happened between them other than furtive gazes and feather-light touches here and there, the moments they got to spend together in between their chaotic lives were filled with understanding and silent agreements when it came to their daughter. Perhaps the time apart and the work they both did separately helped. Or maybe it was just a matter of age maturity. Either way, Maya felt as if life was easier. She no longer mourned the things she lost. Instead, she thanked the Universe for her daughter and for this second chance with Carina. She pushed herself to be better. Not physically, but emotionally. And so, Diane recognized her hard work and suggested fewer sessions every month to allow Maya to realize how much of her progress was pressure or if it was real change.

As everyone went back to their activities, murmuring about the upcoming clinic days and what they expected of it, Maya’s phone rang in her pocket with an unknown number flashing on her screen.

“Hello?” She frowned.

“Bishop,” came the masculine voice on the other side of the call, tensing her body in anticipation.

“Is everything alright? Are they hurt?” Maya rushed, feeling the panic starting to reign over her.

“They’re alright,” Andrew answered. “It’s just Fran. She’s sick and won’t stop fussing and keeps asking for Carina, but she’s in surgery and I don’t know what to do anymore.” Maya could feel the fatigue tinting his voice.

“I’ll be there in 10,” Maya spoke without hesitation. She hung up without another word and marched towards the Captain’s office.

Upon knocking twice, the gruffed voice called her in.

“Excuse me, sir.” Maya closed the door softly behind her as she stepped in with purpose.

“Maya,” Pruitt nodded for her to sit down, but she politely refused.

“It’s okay. I just came to request for an early leave today,” Maya prayed silently.

“Is everything alright?” The man’s frown deepened in worry.

“Yes, sir. I just have something personal to tend to,” Maya hoped that was explanation enough. But of course, the planets weren’t aligned.

“It's not like you to leave work.” The captain stood, rounding his desk as he perched his hip against the front. “What’s really going on?” 

Maya could hear the preoccupation in her captain’s voice and part of her almost told him the truth. After all, it was a fact Pruitt Herrera cared for his firefighters like a father. And Maya wasn’t the exception, considering her strong friendship with his daughter.

“I’m not ready to say it yet,” Maya admitted. The reality of it all was something Maya herself had yet to fully accept.

The man stared at her, weighing her words. “Fair enough,” he defeated. “I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Maya rushed to the lockers, changing quickly into her civil clothes, and darted towards her car, ignoring her teammates' stares.

The drive to Carina’s happened in a blur. Her daughter needed her Mamma and Maya was aware she wasn’t Carina. But even if they hadn't told her yet, Maya hoped Francesca would accept her instead. And the fact Andrew had called her only fueled her hopes.

The need to be included in anything Francesca’s was something she couldn’t control. Although part of her was scared that the feeling came from a place of dominance and her need to have control over every single aspect of her life, the more mature part of her told her it was just motherhood. And even Diane told her it was something to be expected, even more so after she hadn’t known about her existence for almost two years.

Ringing the bell, Maya could hear Francesca’s muffled cries through the closed door, putting her heart in a chokehold.

As the door opened, she ignored Andrew’s words as she rushed to the upset little girl sprawled on the couch under a fluffy blanket, who extended her arms as she saw her.

“Hi, Sunshine,” Maya cooed as she wrapped her arms around the small body, placing a soft kiss on her warm forehead.

“Ma-ya,” the little girl mumbled against her neck.

“I’m here, baby.” Maya tightened her hold, daring just now to look at Andrew standing a few feet away. His posture was rigid, clearly seizing her.

“How high is her temperature?” Maya asked.

“Just above 101,” he answered calmly. “Carina said her fever has come and gone during the night.”

Maya pursed her lips. The fact Carina hadn’t told her anything about her daughter was like a stab in the trust they’d been building. “Thanks for calling me,” she looked down at her daughter, her small form cuddled against her chest like a breathing heater. 

“You’re the only person I thought of. It doesn’t mean I forgive you.” Andrew rolled his eyes.

“I can’t really forget myself either,” she sighed, tightening her hold on her daughter. “But we’re trying. We’re working together for Fran. For us,”

“Just… Don’t let her down again. Nor Fran.” Was all he said and -even if the implication of the words twisted the knife in her soul, Maya silently thanked him. She didn’t feel like starting an argument with someone outside her relationship.

After a few indications -that Maya was well aware of as she was trained in EMTs, and a successful spoon of kid’s ibuprofen delivered to Francesca, Andrew left. The walls around them held a quietness that felt foreign in a household usually filled with laughter and chaos and… love.

Looking down at her dozing-off daughter, Maya allowed the warmth to envelop her. The feeling of belonging even if the situationship was yet to be formalized, wrapped around her like a soft blanket.

“You’re safe, my love.” She mumbled against Francesca’s hair.

The day had stretched longer than she expected with a last-minute emergency c-section that required all of Carina’s training. 

Fortunately, although the mother would have a slow but surely recovery, both mamma and baby boy were safe now, and Carina couldn’t be prouder of herself.

But as she changed out of her scrubs and the adrenaline started to drift off, her body seemed to start to slowly shut down, hurting in places that had her whining at the realization that Francesca wouldn’t be the only sick one.

And what a welcomed surprise when, after entering her house and hearing the shower on, Carina walked toward the bathroom to greet her fratelino and relieve him, she found Maya being the one that’s taking care of her sick daughter.

But as her eyes surveyed the scene, her breath hitched as the firefighter’s clothes were damp against her fitted torso, leaving very little to the imagination.

“ Bambina ,” Carina whispered almost sinfully.

“Oh, hi!” Maya snapped up from her daughter’s shampooed head. “Sorry, she was feeling yucky so I thought a shower would help,” she explained as she returned to rinse her daughter’s hair.

“It’s okay,” it came more of a mumble than reassurance and Carina blamed it on the blonde. “How are you feeling, Piccolina?” She forced herself to look at her unusually calm daughter.

“Ma-ya here,” the girl smiled as she signaled over her shoulder as Maya laughed.

“I see,” she smiled softly, making herself relax. “You had fun?”

Francesca just shrugged, unable to answer.

“I gave her ibuprofen when I came here and she napped for a while,” Maya offered. “She woke up a few minutes ago.”

Carina nodded, touched by Maya. “Thank you for taking care of her,”

“Don’t act surprised.”

The comment had her reeling for a bit, frowning at the subtle venom in the tone.

“Sorry,” Maya apologized. “We’re finished here,” Maya placed a kiss on top of Francesca as she stood up from her place on the edge of the bathtub and shut off the shower. “Ready for your pajamas?” 

“Staws,” the toddler grinned and Maya agreed as Carina witnessed the exchange with a warm blanket around her heart. 

“I’ll get you some clothes to change into,” Carina cleared her throat, feeling the funny tingling between her legs at Maya’s body.

After Maya had quickly agreed to stay longer, Carina undressed herself and jumped into the shower, her tense muscles welcoming the warm water and stood unmoving under the cascading water as she allowed her body to relax for a few minutes, knowing Maya was taking care of their daughter.

Maya, who since finding out about Francesca had been nothing but a constant support. Maya, who without hesitation agreed to be an active part of their daughter. Her Maya, who despite not being together yet, had shown nothing more than commitment to her, to their daughter. To their small family. Maya, who hating the feeling of the wet clothes against her skin, stood under the shower so Francesca could be clean from her sweaty body. Maya, who looked so tempting, so close, so madly addictive as her fingers itched to caress her skin and her lips craved remapping her toned body with kisses.

The sharp gasp that escaped her snapped her back to reality, making her retreat her hand from between her legs as if she’s been burned.

“Merda,” she sighed, trying to calm her erratic heart at the image of Maya’s naked body. It wasn’t easy to forget about it when she’d worshiped for so long a few years back, engraving it into her pupils for a thousand lifetimes to come. “It’s wrong,” she pushed herself to finish her shower. Maya deserved better than Carina touching herself in secrecy.

Hearing the soft laughs coming from the living room, Carina rushed to dress herself. Her tired face was adorned with a warm smile.

“Miss wanted some pizza,” Maya informed as Carina walked towards them.

“I’ll let it slide because she’s sick,” Carina tsked as she hugged her daughter, who snuggled against her as she drank from her sippy cup, immersed in the animated movie playing on the TV.

“How are you?” Maya asked from Francesca’s other side.

“Honestly? I don’t feel very good,” Carina pouted as she snuggled closer to her daughter’s warm body. Anything to stop her mind from forming pictures of Maya in her clothes, of Maya in-

She looked up, startled as Maya’s hand came to her forehead. “You’re warmer than usual,” Maya frowned standing up.

“It’s okay,” Carina’s eyes followed as Maya raised the thermometer.

“Up,” Maya ordered and Carina obeyed, ignoring the tingly sensation between her legs at the commanding tone. “You’re not the only one with medical knowledge.” She placed the thermometer under her armpit and walked towards the kitchen.

“Didn’t know you became a nurse,” Carina mumbled, somehow immersed in the animation on the TV.

“Only to my kid and apparently adults who don’t care about themselves,” Maya appeared with a glass of water and Carina smiled at the thought.

“You’re being mean,” Carina’s pout only deepened when after the bip, the thermometer read 103º.

“I’m being thoughtful,” Maya tsked as she disappeared towards the bathroom, reappearing with a tablet and handing it to Carina.

The brunette rolled her eyes, but couldn’t suppress the smile taking over her, thanking Maya.

As the pizza was delivered and slowly eaten, the small family gravitated towards each other, like a small puzzle that finally had all the pieces to be assembled into perfection. And Maya couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her as she placed a soft kiss on top of her daughter’s hair, allowing herself a few seconds to breathe her in. Looking up at Carina, she smiled as the brunette’s hand squeezed her shoulder.

Maybe happiness wasn’t about achievements or recognition. Not really. Happiness was about the people you had in life. Those who stay with you no matter how hard the path might get. Maybe she didn’t need anything else than her family to feel invincible. To conquer her demons by knowing she had them backing her up.

And so, she had come to the realization that it was time. She had to act up before it was too late.

“Bambina?” Maya felt Carina’s hand moving to her cheek, first. “What are you smiling at?” She asked quietly, although Maya could hear the curiosity in her voice.

“Just thinking,” she shrugged. “I think I’m happy,”

“You think?” Carina’s nose scrunched and Maya swooned at the cuteness.

“It’s too soon to declare, but I feel good with you. With us.” She smiled at Carina before her eyes moved down to their daughter.

Carina smiled softly, her knuckles rubbing slowly at Maya’s cheek, providing her a sense of… fullness.

“Is it bad I want your cuddles too?” Maya felt shivers down her spine as Carina’s eyes shone with something akin to longing.

Opening her arm, she giggled as Carina quickly moved closer, picking up their daughter and placing Francesca in her lap as she snuggled against Maya, who wrapped her arms around them tightly. 

“This feels so easy,” Maya mused as she hid her face in Carina’s hair.

“It is,” the Italian leaned her head on Maya’s shoulder and the blonde breathed her in. Even if this moment right here was all they had.

“Ma-ya?” Francesca’s small voice spoke into the momentary silence.

“Yes, baby?” Maya looked down. The girl’s blue eyes mirroring her own.

“Stay? And cudes?” 

Maya looked at Carina, whose eyes were a mix of hope and something she couldn’t pinpoint, and her stomach churned in a funny way.

“Don’t think the couch is comfy enough to sleep,” Maya reasoned.

“Mamma’s bed,” Francesca offered, unaware of the tinted cheeks on both women.

Everything in Maya vibrated at the possibility of sleeping next to Carina after so long. Everything in her craved to feel the doctor’s warmth next to her. But the reminder of Carina’s lack of communication about their daughter’s sickness was nagging at the improvement they had made.

It was as if for every five steps they took forward, they backed one. And even though part of Maya rationalized she was exaggerating, she couldn’t help but feel the betrayal of their agreement. Even more so as she was the one who didn’t live with Francesca, Carina had the obligation of informing every minor change in their daughter’s health. No matter how small she thought it was.

Chapter Text

The air filling her lungs became toxic, making it hard to breathe and the peace she once felt with Carina and Francesca was soon replaced by disappointment and chaos and utter pain. The few months she spent with her small family came biting at her ass as everything seemed to crumble around her.

Every dream, every promise, every little moment came crashing down, leaving Maya standing alone to pick up the pieces once again in the hell that she felt was her paradise.

The faces in which she once saw only love reflected, now mocked at her with wicked smiles and eyes that no longer held even an ounce of the pure feeling that lifted Maya’s soul.

It was as if one moment she was floating in soft clouds and the next she was standing in the middle of a battlefield, outnumbered and betrayed by the people she loved most. The ashes of the love that once existed whirling around her like confetti, breaking her healing heart to a point of no return.

As Maya woke up, she realized the heat and suffocating she was experiencing was because she had both DeLuca girls clinging to her while being living heaters. And, for her own sake, she forced herself to ignore the funny feelings inside her as Carina’s arm that was draped over her torso and her hot breath colliding against her neck in a way that had Maya melting right in that bed. So she did the only logical thing.

“Carina,” she called softly, moving the hand -that had curiously relocated on Carina’s shoulder in a secure side hug in her sleep, up and down her back, smiling as the brunette grunted.

“No,” she whined. “I don’t feel good,” Carina snuggled further into Maya, having the blonde sigh heavily. If from the heat Carina’s body emanated or a whole other reason, she didn’t know. Although probably, both.

“It’s because you’re burning,” Maya placed a kiss on her sweaty forehead. “I need you to take a bath so you’ll feel better. Fran needs one too,” Maya asked softly.

“Promise you’ll cuddle me after?” 

And though Maya couldn’t see it since Carina’s face was just a millimeter away from her neck, Carina pouted something so vulnerable that Maya couldn’t do anything except nod.

‘If you only knew,’ she thought to herself.

“Come on, the sooner we do it, the sooner you’ll get to go back to sleep,”

Maya smiled proudly as Carina got up and dragged her feet towards the ensuite bathroom, feeling a soft warmth wrap around her heart.

After fumbling with a sleepy Francesca, she moved to the bathroom across the hall and turned on the shower as she undressed her sweaty daughter while the warm water filled the bathtub.

“Mommy,” Francesca mumbled in a half-awake state and Maya’s heart stopped momentarily for a few seconds too long as the word sunk in, making something inside her shift. Almost like a revelation.

“I know, baby.” Maya kissed the little girl's head lovingly. “We need you to take a bath so your fever will go down. Like last night,” Maya reminded her and that seemed to ease the toddler’s weariness.

“Mamma?” She asked sleepily, leaning against Maya’s torso.

“She’s taking a bath, too.” Maya took the small cup she had used before and started to pour the warm water on her daughter’s head as her mind did some calculation, deciding it was safe to give her another dose of ibuprofen.

Once she felt Francesca’s body cool up significantly, she looked up as the door opened and a freshly showered -yet drained, Carina smiled at them.

“I came bearing gifts,” she placed the dry clothes on the sink, leaning momentarily against it as she looked at the pair still in the bathtub. “Need help?”

“Can you get her?” Maya asked, hopeful.

“Sì.” Carina moved to them and took the big fluffy towel to wrap her daughter in. “Take your time,” she smiled as she wrapped her arms securely around the small body.

“Mommy is good,” Fran spoke with a drowsy smile and Maya felt herself burn under Carina’s shocking face.

“She is,” she choked with a watery smile and Maya didn't know how to describe the feeling inside her. “Now let’s get you dressed,” she placed a kiss on the girl’s head and walked away with one last look at the soaked blonde standing in the middle of the bathtub. And Maya swore she could see Carina’s eyes raking her body.

Needing a moment to calm herself, Maya located a hair tie and styled her hair in a high bun before she took off her wet clothes and stepped under the artificial rain, deciding a quick shower will help with the swirl of emotions inside her. Right now wasn’t the time to analyze them.

But as she pulled on the fresh t-shirt and Carina’s smell invaded her nostrils, everything in Maya gave up, lighting up a need impossible to ignore. And before she knew it, her feet guided her to Carina’s room, feeling the tears stinging her eyes at the image in front of her.

“Vieni qui,” Carina smiled something lovingly from her place on the bed and Maya couldn’t help the broken sigh that escaped her as she timidly moved to the bed, leaning down on what’d be her side if this very bed was hers, too.

As Francesca's sleepy body turned against her chest, Maya instinctively placed her arm protectively around her daughter and allowed the calm silence to intensify the intimate moment between mother-daughter to ease her nerves, even if just a little bit. 

Although a year ago she dreamed about these exact moments with the imaginary kid she had with Carina when the solitude of the night brought thoughts about ‘What if’s, now, as she looked up to Carina’s warm, teary eyes and her mind replayed the soft, secure way in which Francesca had called her ‘mommy’, Maya knew that everything was possible.

“Wanna talk about it?” Carina spoke after making sure their daughter was asleep.

Maya pondered the question for a few moments, deciding if it was the time to confront her.

“No more secrets, remember?”

“Yet, you didn’t tell me she was sick,” Maya countered, witnessing how Carina’s features contorted in guilt.

“I’m sorry,” Carina pledged. “I didn’t want to worry you since it was a simple fever and you were on a 48-hour shift.”

“You still left me out of Francesca’s life. Even if it was small.”

“You’re right. Forgive me?” Carina pleaded and Maya could hear the regret in her voice.

“Don’t do it again.” Maya pouted. “Even if it’s about her losing a hair, I need to know.”

Carina frowned mockingly, unable to contain her smile. “I promise. Every breath she takes, I’ll notify you,”

“Now you’re being mean.”

Carina leaned closer and placed a chaste kiss on her nose. “What’s really going on?”

Maya looked into her eyes, finding only concern mixed with something that’s been there all this time yet she couldn’t pinpoint what it was.

“Promise me you won’t leave me?” Maya whispered, fearful.

“Ti prometto,” Carina smiled something soft. “We just got you back, Maya,” the brunette’s hand cupped her cheek, where soft caresses were delivered. “We’re a family. Your family,”

Maya allowed the words to sooth her insides and the utter honesty she found in those brown eyes took reign of her body.

In a swift movement, her lips found Carina’s and both women gasped at the sudden contact, separating after a few moments only enough to look into each other's eyes, finding nothing but hope and longing and love.

Before Maya could lean back, Carina’s hand found the base of her neck and brought their lips together, leaving Maya unable to rebuild her resistance as she just gave up into something she’s been repressing for a while now.

Allowing herself to surrender to the softness of Carina’s lips against hers, Maya leaned as close as the small body between them allowed, deciding right then to pour all the love she’s been carrying for so long.

She made sure she poured every single part of her in that kiss, hoping Carina could feel it too.

“Hi,” Carina smiled shyly when they parted for air.

“Hi,” Maya couldn’t fight the smile taking over as her eyes locked with the doctor’s and she saw a whole universe shining in those brown orbs. The same galaxies she saw all those years ago, before the cracks in their relationship started to tear apart what they thought was a fortress.

“Bambina ,” Carina’s thumb brushed the tear running down Maya’s cheek, pulling a broken sob from the blonde. “Hey,” Carina’s lips brushed against her forehead in a way that had Maya crumbling down in the safest presence she’s ever known.

They stood like that for a few minutes, Maya rebuilding herself and Carina making sure she was Maya’s safe place in the only way she knew how.

“Sorry,” Maya sniffed once she calmed down, leaning back to look down to her sleeping daughter.

“What is it?” Carina asked softly.

“I want her to know,” Maya admitted after a few seconds. “I- I want her to know about me. About us. I want her to be a Bishop, too,” she looked up and frowned at the tears in Carina’s eyes.

“Yes,” Carina smiled tearily and kissed Maya’s lips once again. “Sorry,” she giggled, pulling apart. “It's like I can’t stop, now.”

“Then don’t,”

This time, Maya was the one who leaned forwards, her hand finding Carina’s neck as her lips locked with the obstetrician in a kiss that held so many promises they weren’t ready to pronounce just yet.

The late morning light filtered through the curtains, making Carina frown at the bright light against her eyes forcing her to turn around, sighing when she found the bed empty. But the small giggles coming from somewhere in the house had her smiling softly, sighing happily as her fingers came up to her lips, remembering the kisses she and Maya had shared a few hours ago.

Taking advantage of the discomfort in her body easing a bit thanks to Maya’s insistence on her taking ibuprofen too, she stood up and wrapped herself in a warm, fluffy robe and wandered in search of the source of the noises.

“Mamma!” Francesca smiled toothily from her place on the countertop as it seemed it was her designated spot whenever Maya was cooking. “Ma-ya do pancakes!” She cheered.

“Look at you! Already getting full words,” Carina beamed, still getting used to listening to Francesca’s little voice getting a few words right every now and then.

“She’s growing fast,” Maya looked at their daughter with amazement written in her eyes and Carina couldn’t help leaning to her, wrapping her arms around Maya’s waist and kissing the firefighter’s cheek lovingly, feeling her cheeks burn at Francesca’s claps.

After breakfast, Carina leaned against the couch as she silently basked in the feeling that invaded her as Maya happily played with their daughter. Their bond only grew with every single moment the pair got to spend together and Carina knew this reality was better than any variation she had thought of in the silent nights where a newborn Francesca fell asleep as Carina told stories about Maya, about their love.

‘She should know,’ she reaffirmed.

“How are you feeling?” Maya’s hand against her forehead brought Carina back from her memories.

“Body is meh, my throat hurts, but I’m fine,” her smile came crooked but she had little energy to fake.

“Is it swollen?” Maya’s hand moved to her cheek as she read Carina’s face in search of any discomfort.

“It's just a simple cold, Bambina. I’ll let you know if it changes,” she promised. “The question is, how are you?” 

“Honestly? I know being called ‘mommy’ was a product of her fever, but it still felt… nice,” Maya shrugged, staring lovingly at their daughter, immersed in her new puzzle.

Carina took in Maya’s demeanor. Her posture relaxed and her openness to communicate her feelings a contrast to the Maya that walked away all those years ago. And if she was being honest to herself, she would bet her soul this time around they’d get to have their Happily Ever After.

“You’re staring,” Maya smirked.

“Can you blame me?” Carina smiled triumphantly as Maya’s cheeks tinted a faint red.

“Are we really doing this?” 

The seriousness in the firefighter’s voice had her leaning in, cupping Maya’s face. “I don’t want to keep running from this. From us,” Carina brushed her nose against Maya’s, her eyes locking with blue ones. “I want you. Us. In every way possible,” 

Instead of replying, Maya shortened the small distance and kissed her. Lips dancing a melody only they could hear as their bodies searched for each other’s warmth.

Carina’s arms locked around Maya’s neck as her fingers moved through the blonde’s scalp, pulling a silent moan that died against her lips.

Both women separated sheepishly as Francesca’s giggles rumbled around the house, having Carina leaning against Maya’s warmth with a happy sigh.

She could see them as a family. She could feel the pieces getting finally in place as she and Maya worked together for their future. 

“Ma-ya stay foweve?” Their daughter’s voice was tinted with excitement and Carina felt her heart squeezing in the nicest way.

“Come here,” Maya let Carina go as she opened her arms for her daughter to sit on her lap. “I’ll stay in your life forever, yes. But we won’t be living together yet,”

”But you like Mamma. And Mamma like you!” Francesca frowned.

“Yes, but we have adult stuff to figure out,” Maya brushed a soft lock behind her daughter’s ear. “And besides, I’m still looking for a house,”

Carina couldn’t help the smile as Francesca’s attention picked up. “I hep?” she asked hopefully.

“Of course you can,” Maya nodded rapidly.

“Mamma too?” The toddler smiled that megawatt smile she knew was Maya’s weakness.

“What do you say, Mamma?” Maya laid her left cheek against Francesca’s head, looking at her intently. “Want to help us find a house?”

Carina’s breath hitched. Maya didn’t say it, but she could hear it in her voice. That single word that changed everything, forever.

Chapter Text

“I’ve been single parenting for 2 years. I’ll be okay.”

The words kept repeating on a loop like a personal torture. And although she knew Carina didn’t mean the words with malice, something in Maya broke then. The steel-like secure shield that was protecting her heart cracked somewhere deep at those words being spoken by the woman she loved.

“Maya.” 

The heavy voice snapped her back to reality.

“Where did you go?” 

The brown scrutinizing eyes made Maya feel small and she was so close to bolting away and stopping this session. Maybe she should’ve done it earlier so she could stay with her family, taking care of them. But Mature-Maya stood firm in her position.

“I think… Maybe I keep torturing myself for not allowing Carina to reach out when she got pregnant.” Her voice came out thoughtful.

Diane remained quiet, waiting patiently.

“I left work earlier yesterday. Francesca had a fever and she kept asking for Carina but she was in surgery, so her brother called me .” Maya’s face contorted. “Carina didn’t tell me my daughter was sick. And today, I was about to cancel the appointment because Carina is sick too, but she told me not to worry, that I could always go back to her house after. But the words she said…” Maya sighed deeply, forcing herself not to melt into the couch.

“I know she didn’t mean any harm, but the fact she told me she had taken care of our daughter alone for almost 2 years felt like a stab.”

“If she had found the way to tell you she was pregnant, would you have come back?” Diane allowed the words to settle in the air, studying Maya’s demeanor carefully.

“Yes,” Maya answered. “I don’t know how we’d work it out, but I would never leave a child of mine alone.”

“You told me you’ve been staying with them since you got off work.” Diane smiled complicitly. “How did that go?”

Maya released another puff of air at the time her smile took over. “It was… something. Francesca called me ‘Mommy’ in one of her fever episodes. It felt good.” Maya nodded. “She’s back at calling me by my name, but… I think the slip means something?”

Before Diane could speak, Maya’s phone started to ring, alerting them of a 5-alarm fire downtown.

“I’m sorry,” Maya deflated. She wanted for Diane to keep poking her brain and help her understand. But she had a duty with her profession.

“It’s okay. I’ll text you the next available appointments for you to pick one,” Diane offered sympathetic. “You stay safe,”

“As always,” Maya nodded and ran to her car, the station a few blocks away from Diane’s office.

As Maya put on her turnout gear, the insistent voice spoke through the station’s speaker. 

“All units to 1746 Madisson Street. Multiple units needed.” They insisted.

Jumping on the driver’s seat, she turned on the engine at the time a long sigh escaped her lips. The tired lines on Carina’s face and Francesca’s energy coming back slowly, had Maya’s attention divided into her family waiting at home and the dangers she’d face in a few moments.

“Everything alright, Bishop?” Jack asked from his place as co-pilot. 

“Yeah. Just… tired.” Maya lied. Despite Jack and her becoming somewhat closer, her family remained a secret for everyone in her life except Andy.

“Huh. Whatever it is, get your head in the game,” he offered, not really buying Maya’s excuse. But she was thankful he didn’t pry.

Upon reaching their destination, the scene was a complete chaos. Black, thick smoke crawling up the building’s windows and the desperate screams of help mixed with the loud sirens deafening enough to get the adrenaline and the anticipation running through her veins.

Her mind became aware of her surroundings, spotting every needed bit of information as she ran through the steps she knew like the back of her hand as Captain Herrera barked orders.

“Andrea, Bishop. You get the hoses. Hughes and Warren, triage. Gibson, Montgomery, Miller, you go in. Report every encounter.” The instructions were clear. Help, assist and rescue. The team dispersed into their tasks.

“You’re tense,” Andy spoke as she caught up with her.

“We’re in an emergency.” Maya spit.

“Still not like you. What happened?” 

Maya grunted as she threw the hose over her shoulder. “Life is moving too fast,” was all she said before she sprinted back to the building entrance, almost tripping over a crack on the asphalt.

As the fire started to die down, Maya was sent on rescue. The heavy ‘thump’ of her boots resounded loudly in her ears in tempo with her heart’s beats. Her sharp mind already two steps ahead with her movements, precise. Every door opened, every apartment checked. Every order given clearly, leaving no room for objection. But as she reached the second-to-last door on the floor, the screams stopped her like a wall appearing right in front of her. 

Choking on a breath she kicked the door open with all her will, calling for the woman somewhere in the growing flames.

“Victim found. Prepare equipment for smoke inhalation and possible burns,” she barked over her radio. “Ciao,” Maya greeted politely. “Riesci a camminare?”   Maya hoped she was right. The limited Italian she had learned in her former firehouse was evident in her pronunciation.

“Cr- Credo di sì,” the woman spoke shakily.

Maya quickly helped her stand up from her place on the floor, taking off her mask and placing it on the woman as she placed the wet cloth on her nose and mouth, protecting her from the smoke. ‘This has to do,’ she thought to herself.

“Cazzo,” the woman winced sharply. “Non posso.”

“Bene. Stai stretta a me.” 

Maya inhaled deeply a big breath as she gathered all her force and carried the woman bride-style towards the exit. The burning in her thighs and the plea of her lungs for air were only ignored by the image of Carina in her arms. Everything in Maya told her to keep moving . She had to. 

As she made strategic stops to renew her air the best she could, she soon spotted the lights and heard the commands of her colleagues, thanking whoever was out there for being safe. Despite the soot and smoke clinging to her skin and the pain in her muscles, she was going back to her family.

“Bishop’s out!” Andy shouted as she rushed to them, helping place the woman on the awaiting gurney.

“Grazie,” the woman squeezed her hand thigh. Brown eyes shining with gratitude.

“Stai al sicuro,” Maya smiled tiredly between heavy breaths, nodding to the paramedic who wheeled the woman away.

“Since when you know Italian?” Andy frowned, handing her a new oxygen mask.

“In LA we had a firefighter who refused to speak English when it wasn’t necessary.” Maya shrugged as she accepted the offered item, inhaling and exhaling deeply as the oxygen invaded her lungs, renewing every single cell in her body.

“Impressive,” Andy hummed. “You coming home?”

Maya was about to answer when Andy rolled her eyes. “Of course not. I’ve been replaced.”

“That’s not fair. I just-”

“Relax. I know,” Andy nudged her with her elbow. “Although dad has been questioning me about you,”

“Shit,” Maya groaned.

“You should come clean. They’re your family, too.”

Maya killed the engine outside Carina’s house, allowing herself a few moments to gather herself. The adrenaline was running out leaving her with an ache in her bones and a craving for the warmth she’s got to find in Carina and their daughter.

As she opened the door, a small voice called her, making her smile tiredly.

“Ma-ya! You back!” Francesca ran towards her with open arms, snuggling as Maya picked her up and hugged her close.

“Hello, Sunshine,” she placed a kiss on her head, sparing a glance to the body on the couch.

“You smell yucky,” the little girl scrunched her nose, making her laugh.

“I had to attend a fire,” Maya explained. “Sometimes the smell lingers even if you showered.”

 “I giv you pafum. You like it.”

Maya giggled softly as she walked towards the couch. Her eyes finally noting Carina’s demeanor.

“You’re not good,” she frowned as the brunette pouted tiredly from under the blanket.

“Mamma is sad.” Francesca informed. “But you do beter, sí?”

“I’ll make her feel better, yes.” Maya kissed the girl’s cheek and placed her on the floor before she sat beside the Italian, her lips connecting to her forehead confirming what she suspected. “Be honest. What hurts?”

After a few seconds of silence, as if analyzing the firefighter, she spoke. “Everything,” Carina’s pout deepened.

“I’m sorry, love,” Maya kissed her forehead and then the tip of her nose. “Let me take care of everything.”

The shift in Carina was imperceptible but Maya had learned to read her back and forth. And for a moment, Maya’s soul choked on a sob as something akin to doubt flashed through Carina’s eyes. 

How much had she hurt Carina? How much was the damage she’d have to repair patiently, bit by bit with her love? Was Carina even truly open to let her in again?

The sneeze from her daughter brought her back to reality, scrunching her nose as Francesca’s upper lip was covered in mucus, making the little girl laugh, bringing up a few coughs with it. Maya quickly took a tissue from the box. 

“Blow,” she ordered as she placed it on her small nose, cleaning her mouth in the process before booping the tip of her nose.

“Dan you,” the girl smiled toothily. “Play wid me?”

“How about you help me make dinner while Mamma naps for a bit?” Maya smiled triumphantly when Francesca yelped in agreement. 

“I can-”

“No, Carina. I’m here now.” Maya interrupted her objection. “Please, let me help,”

Brown eyes scrutinized her, as if making sure she was being honest and despite Maya hating it, she allowed Carina to do so, knowing she’d have to earn her trust back.

Carina then nodded curtly, releasing a long, deep breath. “Bene.”

As Maya decided on making a quick dinner consisting of rice and veggies and a soup for Carina, Francesca sat at the countertop asking questions as she observed each of Maya’s movements.

“Des much grin,” the toddler eyed the vegetables Maya placed on the sink.

“That’s right,” Maya nodded as she rinsed the colored vegetables to start chopping them.”You and Mamma need to eat healthy to get better,”

“So we can play wid Fod?” 

“Exactly. Ford likes to run and you need energy to keep up to him,” Maya explained with an easy smile.

“I miss him,” Francesca pouted.

“Tell you what,” Maya placed the last of the celery on the chopping board before she leaned towards her daughter. “You get better and we plan a park date with him,” Maya raised her pinky, her heart melting as Francesca’s small one curled around her.

As Maya looked towards the couch, she found Carina asleep so she decided to let the soup simmer for a bit as she proceeded to plate dinner for Fran and herself, encouraging herself to take over her daughter’s night routine.

“Mamma?” The little girl asked after Maya announced dinner was ready.

“Mamma is tired, so we’ll let her sleep for a bit before she gets her soup,” Maya informed as she helped Francesca wash her hands.

Maya saw as Francesca processed the information for a few moments.

“Mamma slip so she get beter.” 

“Exactly,” Maya released a breath. 

“You get me in bed?” Francesca asked then.

“Yes,” Maya nodded as she sat her daughter on her booster seat.

And so, after an easy dinner and having bathed her daughter, Maya covered her small body with her covers, feeling something funny in her heart at having successfully gone through her night routine alone for the first time.

“Stay, Mommy,” Francesca asked with sleepy eyes.

“Always, Sunshine,” she leaned down to place a kiss on her forehead, laying awkwardly beside her in the small bed. “Sleep easy, babygirl. I’m here,” Maya vowed into the night. Her heart and mind still getting used to her daughter accepting her as her mother.

Carina turned with a groan, opening her eyes to an empty living room and soft singing coming from Francesca’s room.

‘Maya,’ she thought. A wave of something she couldn’t recognize rippled through her bones with the force of a tsunami.

She allowed herself a moment to feel the pull between the happiness of Maya being active in their lives and the fact she’d have to get used to sharing her parenting role after 2 years of being the sole person in which Francesca depended on.

That, and the fact Maya consistently proved she was back to stay placated her fears of Maya running away, once again.

Yet, part of her feared Maya would find it difficult at some point. 

Granted, her 24 hour shifts were rare, but they could happen nonetheless. And knowing Maya, she’d want Fran to be under her care if the circumstances allowed. But so far, they have only spent a few hours alone here and there. To care for a toddler twenty-four-seven and even more so if the rare tantrums decided to come along… something in Carina was reluctant to Maya’s commitment as a coparent.

“Hey, Sleepyhead,” Maya’s warm voice pulled her out of her head.

Carina could only smile tiredly. Her mind in a battle of mixed emotions and her body aching. Yet, her eyes never left the body walking around her home, as if she owned it.

“I made you soup,” the blonde sat by her side as she offered her a steamy bowl.

“Thanks,” Carina felt her eyes watering, but swallowed it down.

“Do you want me to run you a bath while you eat?” 

Hearing the utter care in her voice had her heart fluttering and her eyes watery once again, but she resisted the pull.

“I’ll take a shower before I sleep. Thanks, though.” she answered and brought the spoonful to her lips. Her tastebuds welcomed the rich flavor and her body the warmth.

The silence that settled between them felt heavy. She could feel Maya’s eyes on her and she didn’t have to look to know she was biting her lips.

“What changed?”

The words, although spoken with calm, carried the weight of a thousand bricks.

“We were okay this morning. What happened?” Maya’s voice was tinted with hurt and inquiry that punched her gut.

Unable to look at her, Carina’s eyes fixed on the bowl, the colorful vegetables swimming in the flavorful broth, like fishes in the sea. Yet, Maya waited and Carina’s resolve snapped.

“You’re back,” she admitted.

“You told me I could come-”

“No. You’re back in my life. In Francesca’s life.”

“I don’t understand,” Maya frowned.

“When you left,” Carina placed the bowl on the coffee table and turned sideways to look at Maya. “You told me you never wanted to see me again. And now you’re here, playing house with me and taking care of our daughter and I don’t know if you truly love me or you just want to coparent and fake whatever this is for Francesca’s sake.”

The flash of anger in Maya’s blue orbs was replaced by hurt and Carina braced herself for the impact of her words.

“You know me better than that.” Maya’s words trembled in the air.

“Do I? It’s been over 3 years, Maya. How do I know you don’t want to get Fran to like you so you can take her away? How can I trust that you won’t fill in for custody? And all because of some revenge?”

Maya’s low, wicked chuckle sent shivers down her spine.

“Andrew really got into your head, huh?” Maya’s smile lacked her characteristic shine and Carina felt her whole world crumble down.

The only place she could rebuild herself was damaged because of her own words and to be honest, if Maya didn’t want her, she herself earned it.

Sighing tiredly and with one last look at her, Maya stood up.

“I’m taking care of the dishes and I’ll take Fran to daycare tomorrow if she feels good. I’ll be out of your hair, then.” She informed, walking to the kitchen, leaving Carina to lick her own wounds.

Carina remained on the couch, the warmth of the soup long gone from her lap. Her fingers idly traced the rim of the half-finished bowl as her mind swirled with conflicting thoughts. Part of her wanted to call Maya back, to pull her close and demand answers, to make sure she truly wasn’t leaving. But another part -perhaps cautious, held her back, afraid that any sudden movement might push Maya away.

She exhaled slowly, the sound almost a whisper: “You’re really back… aren’t you?” Her eyes softened, glimmering with a mixture of hope, doubt, and longing, but she didn’t move. Not yet. Not until she knew.

From the kitchen, Maya hummed softly, washing the dishes, unaware that Carina’s gaze lingered on her, torn between wanting to reach out and letting the moment breathe. In that quiet pause, the unspoken truth hovered in the air.

The path forward wouldn’t be easy, nor could they deny the pull that had brought them here.

And for now, Carina stayed still, her heart quietly aching for the presence she had once feared losing -and realizing she hadn’t lost it after all.

“Riesci a camminare?” (Can you walk?)

“Cr- Credo di sì,” (I- I think so)

“Non posso.” (I can't)

“Stai stretta a me” (Hold on thight)

“Stai al sicuro” (Stay safe)

Chapter Text

Spotting the steamy mug sitting on her nightstand along with a water bottle and some ibuprofen, Carina felt the warmth wash over her, making her heart ache and her eyes well up.

‘She does care,’ she whispered to herself, as if needing the words to be spoken to the universe for them to hold weight.

Before her resolve could take over, her phone’s screen lightened up with an incoming video call and her lips curved tiredly.

“Ciao,” Carina sighed contentedly.

“You look like shit.” The voice resounded through the quiet room.

“I feel like shit,” she pouted, leaning her back against the pillows.

“What happened? And don’t tell me it’s the cold because we both know that's not the only reason.” Gabriella warned.

Carina took a few moments to gather her words. Her mixed emotions tangled up, choking her heart.

“I saw Maya, with Francesca.” Andrew sat on the chair in front of her.

Carina looked up from a patient file, her perfectly manicured eyebrow raised. “E allora? She helps me with our daughter,”

“Non ti capisco, Carina.” Andrew shook his head. “How can you trust someone who couldn’t protect you in the past?”

Carina pursed her lips, swallowing the words.

“Maya’s trying,” she said softly, yet firmly. The words anchoring her in that fragile truth. “Unlike you, I see it.”

Andrea laughed something dark. “Try? That’s not enough. You need someone who doesn’t just try, Carina. You deserve someone who stays and takes over when things get rough and scary. You can’t build a family on a simple “maybe”. Fran needs certainty.”

Carina’s jaw tightened. Her fingers fidgeted furiously with the pen. 

His words cut deep. And part of her knew he was right. Maya was still tiptoeing into motherhood. She was learning to stay and fight her own demons.

“Io la amo,” Carina’s words blurted out.

Andrea stared at her for a few moments, sighing. “Ma l’amore non cura tutto, sorellina. Sometimes, it just hides the wounds until they bleed again.”

Those words had stung her. Not because she didn’t love Maya or because Maya didn’t loved her, but because it was the solitude she felt in those dark, lonely nights or when Maya was too engrossed in her own battles.

“Do you think Maya is honest?” She dared to ask.

“Cosa senti nel cuore?” Gabriella countered.

“I just…” Carina sighed deeply, leaning her head back and swallowing her tears. “How do I know Maya won’t walk away once again? How do I-”

“That’s not what I asked.” Gabriella cut her sternly.

“Tesoro,” the older Italian smiled warmly. “Andrea cares, I get where he comes from. Ma non dimenticare il passato." Gabriella let the words hang in the air momentarily. “You were at fault too,” she continued. “You both did things that damaged the relationship. You both had your own demons to battle.”

“I know that.” Carina grunted. The menace she felt evident in her voice.

“Yet, you keep old wounds and doubts to cloud the actual view.” She remarked. 

Carina closed her eyes, allowing a single tear to run free. “Io la amo… ma non posso soffrire di nuovo,” she admitted with her voice trembling, feeling the words weight too much.

“Carina,” Gabriella sighed. “Take Andreas' words as what they are. He’s an outsider in all of this. You have to pay attention to what really matters. To the now, to what’s in front of you.” Her words hit deeply, and Carina let them. “Look at what Maya does. She’s showing you her true self, Carina. By taking care of Fran, of you. Of being present every single day. Every single moment. Can’t you see that woman is willing to give you the stars if you asked her to?”

Carina sighed, remembering the love she saw in Maya’s eyes. The softness with which she’s taken care of their daughter’s routine, how she’s taking care of her.

“Guardare ai fatti, non ai fantasmi.” Gabriella spoke into the night. “Trusting Maya is not a risk. Every thing she does, she’s doing it from her heart. Let that be a reminder. Maya is with you con amore concreto e reale. Sempre,” Gabriella smiled. “Let those words be your guide.”

Carina inhaled deeply. A flicker of hope lit up in her chest, mixing with the fear and doubt she felt. Yet, the conviction of Maya choosing to stay resounded in her heart. And for the first time in a while, she decided to trust. To take a free fall, knowing Maya would catch her.

“Thank you, Gabri,” Carina smiled tearily.

“Sempre, Tesoro. E ricorda. L’amore vero non scompare. It just shifts until you’re ready to see it.” Gabriela winked.

Leaning against the counter, her gaze fixated in the tea that had run cold, she squeezed her eyes, refusing to let the tears fall. She can’t cry, not now.

The night had shifted its mood and the silence in the house felt like a foreign weight. Too heavy to let her breathe.

‘Am I not enough? Will she ever trust me again?’ she thought to herself.

Her heart beat with the force of a stampede. Every fiber in her body ached for reaching out, to beg and to try. Over and over, until Carina took her back.

But how could she force herself into Carina’s life after what she’s done? How could she prove to her that she chose to stay? That she wasn’t running anymore?

The air shifted and Maya looked up, noticing the tears and the pout adorning Carina’s face.

“Was it too much?” She worried. “I’m sorry, I just thought you’d like some t-” Maya was cut as in a blink of an eye, Carina had shortened the distance and wrapped her arms around her, hiding her face in the crook of her neck.

By instinct, Maya’s arms enveloped Carina’s shaking body, mumbling soft reassurances against her head and caressing her back.

“I’m sorry,” Carina cried against her neck. “Ti amo,”

Maya froze. Those words struck deep into her bones, shocking her system.

“I love you too,” Maya’s voice trembled, her hold tightening. “I love you so much, Carina.”

Carina answered with a wet kiss on the junction of her clavicle and her neck. “I don’t want to lose you,”

“Sono qui, amore mio. Per sempre,” Maya dared to speak the words, trembling at the gasp that collided against her skin before she felt the cold enveloping her at the sudden distance.

“Come-”

Maya leaned in and kissed Carina’s frown. “Let’s say I learned a few words in LA,” she smiled sheepishly.

For a heartbeat, disbelief lingered on Carina’s face, then melted into something softer, fragile, almost sacred. And before she could blink, Carina cupped her face, bringing their lips together.

Maya allowed herself to relax, to enjoy the intimacy of the moment. To savor every corner of Carina’s mouth.

Their lips moved slowly, reverently, as if relearning the familiar map of each other. There was no rush, no urgency. Just the desperate need to linger, to prove this wasn’t a dream.

When they finally broke apart, foreheads pressed together, Maya let out a shaky laugh. “God, I’ve missed you.”

Carina’s thumb brushed the dampness from Maya’s cheek. “Then don’t go again.”

The words pierced through Maya, both a plea and a command, and she nodded, her voice barely above a whisper. “I won’t. I can’t.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, the silence between them wasn’t suffocating. It was warm, fragile, like a blanket stitched from hope.

Maya kissed her again, softer this time, almost tentative, as if promising with every brush of her lips ‘I’m here. I choose us, always.’

The kiss started slow but suddenly, the self-restraint vanished like smoke. Maya’s hands moved to Carina’s hips, bringing her flush against her, as if needing to memorize every curve of her body. Carina moaned in response, deepening the kiss, her fingers tangled in Maya’s hair. The kitchen, the cold mug over the counter, the weight of lingering doubts, all of it dissolved, leaving just Maya’s presence, steady and undeniable.

Maya pushed her gently, pressing Carina against the countertop, lifting her slightly, holding her firmly but with care, feeling every tremor of Carina’s body.
“Ti amo,” Maya moaned against her lips. “Don’t ever doubt that.”
Carina’s grip tightened around Maya’s neck. “Allora fammelo sentire,” she whispered, her voice broken yet insistent, before capturing her lips in a kiss full of hunger, relief, and hope.

But then Maya noticed the subtle signs -Carina’s shallow breaths, the faint tremor of her hands, and a thought struck her. Slowly, she parted from Carina’s lips, her hands cradling her face tenderly.

“I want to,” Maya murmured, pressing her forehead against Carina’s, feeling their hearts collide. “But I can’t… not while you’re sick.”

Carina pouted, and Maya felt her heart melt. “You’re not fun,” she teased softly.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Maya whispered, brushing her lips along Carina’s forehead, then her cheeks, then her chin, peppering light, playful kisses that made Carina giggle. Finally, she placed a chaste kiss on her nose, lingering just inches away from her lips.

“We have a lifetime,” Maya breathed, her hands moving to Carina’s back and hips, keeping her close.
“Prometti?” Carina asked, eyes wide and hopeful.
“I promise you,” Maya replied, pressing one final reverent kiss to her lips, pouring every ounce of love and devotion into that simple gesture.

“Would you at least stay with me tonight?” Carina batted her eyelashes, pulling a laugh from the firefighter.

“That, I can do,” Maya brushed her nose against Carina’s. “Lead the way,”

The far left side of the warehouse was burning when Station 19 reached the call. The dark smoke crawled up to the sky in thick, dense rivulets as the sizzle of the fire loud enough to be heard accompanied by the screams of the trapped workers.

“Bishop, you’re in charge. Take Herrera, Miller and Gibson. Primary assessment and search. Report every 3 minutes.” Captain Herrera barked.

Maya nodded, tightening her mask as she sprinted to the building ready to succeed. Her focus shifting into professionalism. But part of her stood at the daycare early that day. Francesca had begged her to stay home and to play with her and her Mamma. But as the toddler had gained her full energy back while Carina was still a little drained, they convinced her to go play with her friends. And although Francesca’s pout disappeared as soon as she saw Luna, Maya’s heart constricted at the fact she had put that sadness in her daughter. Even if momentarily.

Inside, the warehouse was a maze. Its high shelves scorching hot and a few card boxes scattered on the floor, blocking the way. The flames licking the far end of the building, minimizing the visibility and threatening their wellbeing.

“Over there!” Jack pointed to two workers, trapped between pallets.

Maya’s gaze sharpened. Her mind already mapping the place.  “Herrera, Miller, clear the path. Gibson, get ready for a blow up.”

Maya instructed quickly, precise. The rapt attention that characterized her taking over.Taking her radio, she roared to the rest of her team. “Get two gurneys on stand-by. Prepare for extraction.”

As they reached for the victims, assessing their vitals and consciousness, they worked like a perfectly oiled machine as they extracted them from the deathly trap.

Looking up, Maya spotted a clear path. Her heart resounded in her ears. ‘That’s the way’ she thought and guided them through there. She was going back home to her family. To her daughter.

“Over here, it’s the quickest way!” she ordered.

But just a few meters ahead, the rumbling of debris reached their ears as the crackling of the flames moved over the building, eating everything in its way. The structure was clearly giving up. They needed to act. Now.

“Maya, get back! It’s not safe!” Jack screamed, successfully bringing her back to action.

“Fall back! Use the entrance. Move. now!” Maya commanded sharply with a grunt. The weight of one of the victims getting heavier with every passing second.

Finally, the team evacuated the building safely, delegating the victims to the paramedics and allowing themselves a few moments to breathe. Taking masks and helmets with the adrenaline still coursing through their veins.

The ride back to the station was charged with the aftermath of the call. A somewhat heavy silence encompassed the engine.

Jack patted her shoulder. “You did good. We’re safe thanks to you,”

Maya shook her head. “We could’ve been faster if I assessed it better.”

“It could happen to anyone,” 

“That is not enough, Gibson! I have to be better.” Maya barked.

She had failed. She had slipped and it almost cost her her team and her own life. She needed to get sharper if she wanted to climb the ladder. She had to be the best.

Maya grunted under her breath as she cleaned her gear, the rebellious stain contrasting against the shiny surface of her mask. The far voices of her teammates roaming around were ignored as her mind analyzed every step during the call over and over.

“Are you gonna tell me what happened back there?” Captain Pruit Herrera’s voice tensed her body.

“It was a slip. I reacted in time,” Maya answered focused on her hands movements, trying to ignore the presence getting closer.

“It’s not like you to have slips,” he pointed.

Releasing a tired sigh, she drops her gear and stands up, her chin pointed forward. “Everyone can make a mistake. I’m not the exception,”

Captain Herrera moved closer, speaking soft but firmly. “I’ve seen you sweat blood and tears in every training, in every step. You’re not someone who gets scared of smoke or fire.”

Maya stood firm in her place, eyeing the person who had become a father in this place.

“Francesca,” she sighed, turning her gaze to the floor, bracing herself for whatever might come.

“Come again?”

Maya looked up, seeing the confusion on the man.

“My daughter with Carina. She’s two-years-old,” she confessed. “I found out about her just recently.”

Pruitt’s eyes widened up momentarily, quickly easing his gaze. Waiting patiently without judging.

Maya swallowed hard, gathering her words. 

“The other day when I requested to go home early, Carina’s brother called me because Francesca was sick. I’ve been staying with them since Carina got a cold, too.”Maya paused as her lips stretched into a small smile. “This morning when I dropped Fran at daycare, the sadness in her little eyes broke me.” She sighed deeply. “In the call, I saw an empty path and thought it’d be quicker to take that route, but I was clearly mistaken. I put everyone at risk just because I wanted to go back home to my daughter. To my family.”

The silence stretched heavy between them, claiming its place in the small room. The weight of her captain over her made her anxious as her hands opened and closed in tight fists.

“So Maya Bishop, who never falters, audacious and sharp, now has someone to come home to.”

Maya released a small laugh. Her eyes watering at the soft teasing of her captain.

Pruitt put his hand over Maya’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. and waits until Maya lifts her gaze.

“Being a mother doesn’t take anything of what you are as a firefighter, but it does changes your priorities. And that’s normal, Maya,” his voice carries a warmth that Maya has learnt to recognize as the one he uses with Andy and something in her settles. “What matters is that you saw the mistake and changed it in time. Everyone is alright. You have what it needs to be a firefighter. Now you have to find a balance with being a mother. And that can only be learned as you go.”

Maya took a deep breath, trying to control the tears. Finally, she nods with a mix of relief and the vulnerability she only shows to those she trusts.

“Thanks, Captain.” 

He chuckles and pats her shoulder. “I’m Pruitt, for you.”

Maya really smiles for the first time in the shift, blinking away the tears threatening to fall at the understanding in her Captain.

“Oh, and Bishop?” He speaks as he walks away. “I want to meet her. And Carina,” he warns, making Maya agree with a watery laugh.

And for the first time in years, Maya felt she wasn’t just running toward the fire. She was running toward home. Toward them.

“E allora?" (So what?)

“Non ti capisco..." (I don't understand you)

“Ma l’amore non cura tutto,” (But love doesn's heal everything,)

“Cosa senti nel cuore?” (What do you feel in your heart?)

“Io la amo, ma non posso soffrire di nuovo,” (I love her, but I can't sufffer again.)

“Guardare ai fatti, non ai fantasmi.” (Look at the facts, not the ghosts.)

 "... con amore concreto e reale..." (... with concrete and real love...)

“Sono qui, amore mio. Per sempre,” (I'm here, my love. For ever,)

“Allora fammelo sentire,” (Then make me feel it,)

“L’amore vero non scompare." (True love doesn't disappear.)

Chapter Text

Carina sent the text and leaned against the bed. Her body felt as if she was floating, her focus was disoriented and nausea predominant. Although it was just twice, the last bout left her with a fatigue she hadn't felt in a long time. Enough to fill her eyes with tears she tried to fight. She just hoped Maya could come. She knew her symptoms were clearly those of dehydration and she needed help before it got out of hand.

The last few days have been a rollercoaster both emotionally and physically. With Francesca catching a cold and Maya stepping into her role as a mother -along with her own sickness, Carina felt the anticipation of what their life could be mixed with the anxiety and… something she couldn’t describe, when she realized she now had someone to share raising her daughter with. She now had Maya. And she was excited about it, she really was. She’s been dreaming of her family of three for a long time, even after they broke up.

She’s been daydreaming of cuddles and park outings and festivities and crying over their kid’s milestones together. She had pictured it all.

But she also knew Maya’s apprehension about… motherhood.

Granted, she knew -by Maya’s confession, she loved their daughter and would always do what’s best for her. She never doubted that. But she also knew hers and Maya’s parenting styles could differ sometimes, and now she had to be at peace with the possible disagreements they could face ahead. And on top of that, she had to give Maya her own space with their daughter for her to find her groove. Maya needed to navigate motherhood on her own. And that meant stepping back, even when every instinct in her screamed to step in.

Despite Carina being up for that, ready to hear and guide Maya if she requested so, part of her was unsure of letting go of the safety she’s wrapped Francesca in since she was conceived. It wasn’t just about trusting Maya. It was about quieting her own need to hold on.

For two years, every cry, every breath, every heartbeat had been hers to protect. Now, she had to learn to loosen her grip, to watch from the sidelines, and believe that Maya could hold their daughter just as safely.

While she trusted Maya with her whole soul, a small part of her had troubles accepting it wasn’t just her anymore.

Hearing Maya’s voice calling for her, she sat up with every little bit of strength she had left. But before she could stand up, Maya came rushing through the door and kneeled beside her, assessing her primarily with her blue orbs filled with worry and a love that had Carina shaking.

“Sei arrivato," Carina murmured. 

“Sempre, amore mio." Maya smiled softly. “I’ll take care of you,” she kissed Carina’s forehead.

Instead of replying, Carina groaned softly as another wave of nausea rolled through her, trying not to lose what little composure she had left. The cold sweat on her forehead made her shiver.

She had been fighting it alone, telling herself it was nothing, just a cold and maybe a stomach bug. But the fatigue weighing her down said otherwise. Her body was dehydrated, and as a doctor, she knew exactly what that meant. She needed help. And the fact Maya came, had her feeling warm for a whole different reason.

“Let’s check your vitals first,” Maya said with her voice steady, professional, but laced with warmth. She wrapped the blood pressure cuff around Carina’s arm and read the numbers aloud. “BP’s a little low, 96 over 62. Pulse is elevated, 112 bpm. Expected with dehydration and vomiting.”

Carina forced herself to stay still as Maya slid the pulse oximeter onto her finger. “SpO₂ at 98%. Oxygenation is good. No immediate concern there.”

Andy brought out a digital thermometer. “Temperature?”

“It was 101.7º a while ago,” Carina offered tiredly.

“102º,” Maya confirmed. “Mild fever, probably secondary to dehydration and mild infection. Not critical, but we need to act.”

Carina let out a shaky breath. Her pride, her instinct to handle things herself, battled with the undeniable relief of having Maya here, taking charge. And it felt good.

“Alright,” Andy said, checking the IV bag. “0.9% isotonic saline. We’ll start slowly, keep a close eye on her response. Monitor heart rate, blood pressure, respiration, and oxygen saturation continuously. Once we get to the hospital, we can reassess labs and fluids.”

Maya nodded, pulling a vein into view with her experienced fingers. Carina flinched slightly as the needle slid in, then relaxed as the cool saline entered her vein, each drop soothing her parched body.

“You’re doing great,” Maya murmured, adjusting the drip rate. “Just let it flow. We’ll get you hydrated, and you’ll start to feel better soon. We’re monitoring everything. If anything changes, we act immediately.”

Carina nodded, closing her eyes, feeling both exposed and cared for in a way she hadn’t let herself in years. Her medical training screamed at her to be objective, to control the situation, but Maya’s presence made her want to relinquish that control, to allow herself to be looked after.

Maya reached out, brushing a damp strand of hair from Carina’s forehead. “You’re safe,” she whispered. “We’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Carina felt warmth spread through her chest, stronger than the cooling effect of the IV, stronger than any medicine. This was care, protection, and commitment all wrapped in one steady presence. And at that moment, she decided. She could finally let Maya in. 

How couldn’t she?

“So…” Andy broke the comfortable silence in the room. “When is the wedding?”

“Andy…” Maya warned.

“What? You already skipped steps and had a kid,” the brunette conceded mischievously. “Besides, she’s barely conscious and yet you’re both sending heart eyes at each other.”

“I’m getting in my senses, thank you very much,” Carina groaned, although the small smile betrayed her.

“See? The power of love,” Andy tsked as she checked the vitals. 

After a quick discussion, they decided it was safe to bring Carina to the hospital, so -against Carina’s insistence to walk, Maya carried her bridal style to the back of the aid car, where she helped her get on the gurney and strapped the belts.

It was once they were alone in the metallic space as Andy drove them away, that Carina allowed her vulnerability to show. She let herself sink deeper into the gurney, her hand brushing Maya’s, anchoring to the only certainty she had. The hum of the aid car, the soft beeping of the IV pump, and the rhythmic cadence of the road created a strange lullaby. Her eyes followed Maya, who adjusted the saline rate with precise, confident movements, yet never letting go of her hand.

“I’ve got you,” Maya murmured, her voice almost a promise, almost a command. Carina felt the weight of those words pressing gently against her chest. It was different. It was personal, intimate, grounding.

Carina swallowed, the dryness of her throat making the simple act of speaking almost impossible. “I… I don’t know why I let myself get like this,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “I should have handled it myself.”

“You don’t have to,” Maya said firmly, checking the blood pressure cuff again. “You’re human. Even doctors get sick. Even strong people need help. And you need… help right now. That’s not weakness, Carina. That’s reality.”

Andy glanced at them through the rearview mirror, smirking. “Look at you two. I better be the maid of honor.”

Carina let out a small, shaky laugh, a mixture of relief and embarrassment. Her pulse, elevated not long ago, began to stabilize slightly, the saline working its subtle magic. The nausea eased just enough to allow her to breathe a little more freely.

Maya’s eyes softened as she brushed a damp strand of hair off Carina’s forehead. “We’ll get you to the hospital safely. Labs, fluids, a proper assessment. You’ll be fine. I promise.”

Carina’s chest tightened. Not from the illness, but from the trust she felt, the surrender she allowed herself in that moment. Her fingers lingered on Maya’s arm. “I… I want to let you in,” she whispered, her words heavy with more than just gratitude.

Maya’s lips quivered into a reassuring smile, but her eyes held something deeper. “You already have. Every time you let me care for you, Fran, you’re letting me in. We’ll take it step by step.”

The rest of the ride passed in silence, punctuated by soft check-ins. Maya kept the IV flowing steadily, checked Carina’s vitals at intervals, adjusted the saline as needed, and offered a comforting hand whenever Carina flinched. Andy kept the engine humming, occasionally glancing back to confirm they were both okay, a silent witness to the intimacy building quietly between them.

As the hospital doors came into view, Carina felt a flicker of fear, but it was muted by the warmth radiating from Maya beside her. She squeezed Maya’s hand gently. “Grazie,”

Maya’s smile was soft, confident, unwavering. “You’ll never have to do this alone again.”

And as they wheeled her into the emergency department, Carina realized that for the first time in a long while, letting someone else take care of her didn’t feel like surrender. It felt like home.

But as she saw Andrea’s face in the ambulance bay, her body tensed. She wasn’t ready for this.

“Carina?” Her brother’s tone was sharp, a mixture of surprise and concern. His eyes immediately assessed her condition.

Andrea’s gaze softened for a fleeting second as he looked at his sister, pale and shivering, but the moment was replaced by that underlying wariness. The way his eyes flickered toward Maya told her everything she needed to know. Disapproval, skepticism… judgment. “Maya,” he said, nodding curtly, his lips pressing into a thin line. “You’re the one in charge?” 

Maya forced herself to stay calm. Professional. “Yes. She’s been experiencing dehydration with mild fever and recurrent vomiting. We’ve started isotonic saline 0.9% at home and vitals have been stable since. Continuous monitoring in progress.”

Andrea’s eyebrows rose slightly. “At home? You didn’t call me?”

Carina’s cheeks reddened “I… I didn’t want to worry you.”

Maya’s hands never left Carina’s. “She’s stable now, Andrea. We made sure to initiate fluids slowly, monitor BP, pulse, SpO₂, and respiration. Nothing critical, but she needs observation and labs for safety once we’re in.”

Andrea’s sharp gaze didn’t waver from Maya. “ And you’re sure nothing was missed?”

“I’m confident,” Maya replied firmly, her voice even but carrying an edge of protectiveness. “I’m not just here as a paramedic, I’m here because I care about her.”

Carina’s heart fluttered. The words felt like a shield and a sword at the same time -comforting, but exposing. Andrea looked at her, the conflict clear in his face. He wanted to scold Maya, but he also couldn’t deny the competence and care she was demonstrating. And Carina thanked for her brother’s professionalism.

Finally, Andrea nodded slowly, stepping back but keeping his gaze fixed on Maya. “Alright. I’ll get an intern to get the Labs first. I’ll follow up in the ER.”

Maya exhaled quietly, brushing a damp strand of hair from Carina’s forehead. “See? Everything is alright.”

Carina’s lips curved into a weak, grateful smile. She leaned against Maya slightly, letting herself be comforted. For the first time, she realized that letting Maya in fully wasn’t just a choice of trust, it was the beginning of allowing herself to give herself, trusting that Maya would always catch her.

The hum of the monitors filled the room as Maya caressed her damp hair, her touch gentle, careful. Carina’s fingers twined with her free hand, seeking comfort and finding it in the warmth of Maya’s presence.

“Mi sento… al sicuro,” Carina whispered, her voice barely audible over the quiet beeping.

Maya smiled. “You’re safe, my love. I’m right here. Always.” She leaned closer, placing a lingering kiss on her damp forehead. 

Carina’s eyes fluttered closed at that simple, yet charged gesture, a small smile breaking through the fatigue. Vulnerability had never felt so good, so deserved. She let herself lean against Maya, feeling every heartbeat, every reassuring pressure of her hand.

Andrea entered the room, interrupting the intimate moment.

“Let’s get her vitals again,” he said, his tone clipped but professional.

Maya complied without hesitation. “BP 98 over 64, pulse 110, temp 102ºF, SpO₂ 98%. Still stable.”

Andrea’s eyes softened slightly at Carina’s flushed cheeks and tired gaze. “You handled the fluids correctly,” he said. “Good call starting isotonic saline slowly.”

He then scanned the chart. “Her labs are showing mild electrolyte imbalance,” Andrea said, calmly. “Sodium and potassium are both a bit low, and BUN is slightly elevated. Nothing alarming, but she’s definitely dehydrated.”

Maya’s jaw tightened. “So she stays overnight?”

“Yes,” Andrea replied. “She needs continued IV fluids and observation. We’ll repeat her labs in the morning. If her electrolytes normalize and she’s tolerating oral intake, she can go home tomorrow.”

Carina felt her chest tighten. Not from fever this time, but from the unspoken tension radiating between Andrea and Maya. She glanced at Maya, whose blue eyes met hers, calm and unwavering. Maya’s presence was grounding, even in the middle of her brother’s cautious scrutiny.

“Andrea…” Carina murmured weakly. “I didn’t want to worry anyone.”

Andrea’s jaw tightened, then he nodded, almost reluctantly. “I understand. But you need to let people in when it’s serious.”

“She’s got help,” Maya defended.

“When it became necessary," he argued. “If she waited a few hours, she’d get sicker.”

“But she isn't,” Maya raised her chin, defiant. “She asked for help when she knew she couldn’t do it alone. That’s enough.”

Andrea’s gaze lingered on Maya a moment longer, his skepticism still present, and Carina could see the rage in his eyes. 

“Who’ll watch Fran? She can’t stay here.”

“Maya è la madre,” Carina spoke from the bed, cutting her brother sharply. “She’ll come get her when she gets off work. Sì?”

Fortunately, a tentative knock had interrupted the bargain.

“Sorry,” Andy stepped in, timidly. “We gotta head back,”

“Right,” Maya nodded. “I’ll be back in…” Maya looked at her watch, sighing. “3 hours. Think she can stay at daycare a bit longer? I won’t coerce her not to watch Cocomelon.”

Carina chuckled at how easily it was to convince her daughter. “Va bene,” Carina nodded softly, knowing Maya had to be responsible towards her job. “Grazie, Bambina,”

“Of course,” Maya leaned down and placed a kiss at the top of her head. “Get some rest.”

The second Maya walked out the door, Andrea sat beside her bed, his features showing reluctance.

“Zito. Ti prego,” Carina sighed tiredly.

“Ma Carina, sei davvero sicuro che Maya non ti farà del male?” Andrea asked softly, and Carina could hear the small fleck of acceptance in his voice.

“Sì,” Carina nodded. “Giorno dopo giorno me lo dimostra. Gli credo ciecamente. Lei si preoccupa davvero. Per me, per Fran,”

Her brother's eyes pierced as he analyzed her face for every trace of lie, but Carina knew he wouldn’t find any.

“Bene,” he defeated after a few seconds.

Carina let out a soft, tired sigh, sinking slightly into the pillows. “Grazie,” Carina’s smile  -although small, was grateful. This fragile peace was enough for now.

True to her words, Maya stepped into the hospital. Her sneakers resounding softly against the linoleum as she made her way through the hallways.

Upon entering Carina’s room, the sight that greeted her had Maya’s chest warming up like a golden ray of sun hitting her skin on a summer day.

With Francesca asleep by her side, Carina looked up and smiled sleepily. The vulnerability she could see in those brown eyes mixed with the trust and love had Maya moving on autopilot.

“Hi,” she almost whispered as she leaned down and kissed Carina’s forehead.

“No.”

Looking down, she frowned at the pout on Carina’s face. “No?”

“Voglio un baccio,” Carina frowned back, deepening the pout as Maya allowed a small giggle to escape.

Leaning down once again, she brushed her lips against Carina’s in a featherlike kiss. 

“Now come lay with us for a bit,” Carina battled her eyelashes and Maya couldn’t say no to that. No matter how awkwardly she laid on the bed.

“She’s been here long?” Maya asked after a moment as she softly caressed her daughter’s hair.

“About an hour, maybe? She needed to see me,”

“You sure it wasn’t you who needed her?” Maya smiled confidently, which had Carina smiling sheepishly.

“I couldn’t help it,” she half pouted.

“I wouldn’t expect anything else,” Maya shifted so she could cup Carina’s cheek, rubbing the skin softly. “How are you?”

“Better, now,” Carina mumbled with her eyes closed, enjoying Maya’s caresses. “Nausea is gone and fever is receding.”

“That’s good.” Maya sighed and allowed herself to relax even if just for a bit. The day starting to catch on her body.

Basking in the calmness of the moment, they both remained silent. Their eyes locked on each other as Maya continued her reverent caresses on Carina’s cheek. That is, until Francesca stirred in her sleep, pressing herself closer against Maya and let out a soft, half-awake “Mommy.” Maya’s heart skipped a beat, and she looked up at Carina.

Carina’s lips curved into a small, proud smile, but her eyes -usually so soft when watching Francesca, flickered with a shadow Maya couldn’t quite name, something like apprehension. She noticed Carina’s shoulders tense and her fingers tighten on the blanket. She wasn’t dumb; she could read the little cues her once lover tried to hide.

“Hey,” Maya whispered softly, brushing a strand of hair from Carina’s forehead. “I see you. Every little bit of you.”

Carina let out a soft whimper and Maya leaned down, placing a gentle kiss on her head, mindful of the small body pressed between them. She knew Carina was wrestling with her emotions, so she waited, patient and steady.

“I’m happy you want to be part of her life. Of mine. And you know I support you fully,” Carina paused, letting the words settle between them. Maya moved closer, running her fingers through Carina’s hair in silent support.

When the pause became too long, Maya offered, “She’ll always be yours—”

“She’s ours,” Carina’s voice softened.

“Yes, but you’ve been her Mamma since day one. Even if she accepts me fully, I know you’ll always be her whole world.” Maya smiled gently, hoping Carina could feel the weight of her words. “I’m here to add to the love she has, to support her and you, Carina. I’m here for you.”

Maya noticed the tears pooling in Carina’s eyes, refusing to fall. She could see the tiny, unspoken struggle. The hesitation to let go, to share the role she had carried alone for so long.

“I have something to tell you,” Maya said after a pregnant pause. “The captain knows. About you and Fran, about us.” She paused, gauging Carina’s reaction, and saw confusion flicker across her face. “I had to answer him honestly after a small slip came up during one of our calls.” Maya looked down, bracing for impact. “I know we didn’t discuss us fully, but… yeah. I wanted you to know.” She let her hand linger on Carina’s cheek, then shifted slightly toward their sleeping daughter, searching for comfort as much as offering it.

“How are you?” Carina whispered, her voice laced with worry and tenderness.

Maya met her eyes timidly. “It was… freeing,” she admitted.

Before they could dwell further on the revelation, Francesca stirred again, now more awake, sighing sleepily against Maya’s chest.

“Hello, Sunshine,” Maya whispered, leaning down to kiss the toddler’s head.

“Hi, Ma-ya,” Francesca murmured smiling, then turned toward Carina. “Ciao, Mamma,” she pressed a soft kiss to her mother’s cheek, bringing smiles to both Maya and Carina.

“Ciao, piccolina,” Carina murmured, brushing her daughter’s hair gently. “You slept well?”

“Sì,” Francesca replied with a bright smile. “We go home now?”

“You go with Maya. I have to stay a bit longer,” Carina said softly.

Maya felt the subtle pull of Carina’s anxiety -the part of her still hesitant to share the fullness of her role as mother, but also the trust shining in her eyes. And she knew, in that quiet hospital room, that she would meet Carina’s heart wherever it was, supporting her, sharing the weight, and loving them both.

Leaving Carina at the hospital had been harder than she expected. Her small, playful pout and the kiss placed on her forehead -when all in her wanted to kiss her goodbye properly, had Maya almost relenting. But Francesca’s small hand in hers -warm, trusting- reminded her that she couldn’t afford to fall apart.

After easing Francesca’s anxiety about leaving her Mamma at the hospital and promising a park date with Ford tomorrow, Maya carried Francesca’s small backpack while her daughter walked into Carina’s place. The soft golden light illuminating the living-room.

“Okay, Monster. What should we do first?” Maya asked as she took her shoes off before she helped Francesca with hers.

“Big house!” Francesca chirped.

“You want to build a castle?” Maya nodded at Francesca’s confirmation, getting the bucket of blocks in the corner of the small play area, and sat cross legged beside her daughter, helping her build the tower.

Soon enough, they both had created a decent small castle just for the kid to push one of the lower pieces, making the structure to crumble down with a loud noise, having Maya wincing and Francesca giggling almost hysterically.

“Again!” She called while her tiny hands wrapped around the plastic blocks and started to rebuild it. “Ma-ya, hep!”

“Okay, okay,” Maya rolled her eyes warmly as she promptly helped her daughter, just for the blocks to fall down again. And again.

And every time the tower came down willingly, Maya was torn between her safety instinct, threatening to warn her daughter and the softness that tugged at her heart when Francesca laughed so carefree. Secretly loving the chaos her daughter provided her with.

But much to Maya’s surprise, Francesca stopped momentarily mid-air before she put the block down and looked at Maya with big brown eyes. A mischievous glint in her eyes.

“Cocomlon,” she smiled cheekily. Almost borderline creepy as if she knew it was Maya’s torture.

Maya knew it was a matter of time. The damn cartoon had poisoned her daughter’s soul.

“Okay. But first we have to shower,” Maya offered.

“No! Cocomlon!” Francesca half frowned, half pouted.

Sighing, Maya moved to her eye-level, softening her voice as she spoke. “We’ll watch cocomelon, baby. But we have to take a shower first,” she brushed a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear. “Don’t you want to feel fresh and comfy in your pajamas?"

Maya braced herself as Francesca frowned, as if weighing the offer for a few moments before she nodded with a gruff, having Maya standing up before she picked the toddler up and tickled her stomach, making her daughter shriek and try to fight the tickles.

“Ma-ya! Top!” She giggled uncontrollably and Maya finally took pity on her.

“Off to the shower we go,” she placed her daughter over her shoulder as if she was carrying a sack of potatoes and marched towards the bathroom, smiling as Francesca laughed with each pronounced step.

With bathtime, the smell of soap and baby shampoo lingered in the air, like a soft cloud of comfort wafting around Francesca and Maya couldn’t help inhaling her hair once again before she placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. Francesca’s little body curled deeper into the couch as she clutched at her stuffy, her eyes glued to the kaleidoscope Cocomelon.

Maya rose quietly, careful not to disturb her daughter, and padded to the kitchen to check on the pantry and fridge for a quick dinner.

The routine Carina had crafted was simple and precise. Play time before bath time, dinner by 7:30pm and bed by 8pm. Easy peasy.

“In the first few years of a child, a routine is essential for their adaptability.” Carina had explained one night when Maya had asked if Francesca could sleep in Carina’s bed with them after a small tantrum.

As Maya walked into the living room with two plates in hand, Francesca looked at her with a cheeky smile. “Mommy! Look!” She bounced on the couch. “Shak son!” She clapped loudly.

“Yay, the shark song,” Maya tried to sound happy. She really did. But the hideous songs were starting to give her a headache.

She secretly wished a stomach bug to whoever created this monstrosity.

But before she could keep wishing upon Cocomelon’s creator, the words made her look at her daughter.

“No green,” she had spoken, shocking Maya.

“But you love green,” Maya frowned. “And you love broccoli.”

“No green!” Francesca defied once again, with her small chin up and her frown deep enough to let her know this was no nonsense.

Maya’s chest tightened. Everything in her ached to negotiate, to convince her daughter. But then, something in her sparked up. 

“Let her lead,” Carina’s voice resounded in her mind.

“Okay, no green,” Maya relented and took every piece of broccoli out of Francesca’s plate and placed it on her own. Sighing when Francesca grabbed her small spoon and took a tentative mouthful, humming after a few seconds in satisfaction. 

By her side, Maya poked at her own plate, letting the quiet defeat settle around them like a soft, invisible weight -neither anger nor frustration, but understanding. She watched Francesca eat happily, spoonful by spoonful, oblivious to the tiny compromise her mother had made. Maya smiled, a mouthful of food forgotten for a heartbeat.

And in that moment, she realized that defeat didn’t always mean losing. Sometimes, it was a simple act of trust, a gentle reminder that love didn’t always need to win. Sometimes, it simply needed to be present, patient, and unwavering, like the steady rhythm of a child’s breathing beside you.

But soon enough, a new exasperating tune filled the room, with Francesca engrossed in the colorful cartoons until a chirpy, “Sin, Ma-ya!” 

Maya knew she couldn’t resist her daughter, so she sang along to the lyrics playing on the screen as happily as she could fake. And before she could retract, she was smiling as she imagined the way Carina would engage willingly with their daughter’s off-key singing, dancing in a silly way to get their daughter giggling hysterically. And something inside her twisted oddly at that thought. She still had a lot to learn.

When the screen showed three small kids getting ready for bedtime, Maya sighed as she knew what followed. The toothbrush song.

She melted on the couch, throwing her head back as her daughter sang off-key and her own words to the lyrics, unaware of Maya’s suffering. And yet, as Francesca’s small voice filled the room, Maya couldn’t help but smile. Maybe chaos wasn’t so bad after all.

When the episode ended and the next chapter started to load, Maya took the remote and turned off the TV. “Okay baby, time for bed,” Maya offered her arms.
“Another song,” Francesca pouted and batted her eyes in the same way Carina did. But Maya stood firm. She didn’t want to cave and break Carina’s trust. She needed to follow the routine as specified.

“No, my love. It’s time for bed,” she explained softly, taking her daughter in her arms. “Don’t you want to get rested to play with Ford tomorrow?” She offered.

“Sì, Fod!” At the mention of Maya’s dog, she smiled as Francesca gave up her fight and leaned against Maya.

After Maya made sure Francesca was safe and comfy under her blankets, she leaned down beside her and started to caress her daughter’s soft hair, lulling her. “Do you want a story or a song?” Maya asked into the quiet of the night, the same way Carina would.

“Sin, Ma-ya,” Francesca replied with a sleepy sigh, snuggling further against her body. So maya did as told.

Kissing her daughter’s head, she started to sing while never stopping her ministrations on her daughter’s hair.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey,” she let her voice dip and rise on cue, smiling softly at Francesca’s tiny puff of air against her neck. “You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away,” she felt her voice wobble at the last few words, but kept lulling her daughter into a peaceful sleep.

By the second time, she felt Francesca’s body still on the small bed, her beats having evened a while ago. So Maya stood there for a moment longer, basking in the warmth that invaded her soul and the accomplishment of having nailed the first part of the test. Maybe she could do this. She could be a mom.

She lowered herself onto the bed beside Francesca, careful not to disturb the blankets, letting the girl’s small weight press lightly against her side. The steady rhythm of Francesca’s breathing was hypnotic, calming a tension Maya hadn’t even realized she was holding. The scent of something she’d come to relate solely to her daughter, the gentle rise and fall of the tiny chest beneath her hand… it all wove a soft cocoon around her. And slowly, almost imperceptibly, Maya’s own eyelids grew heavy. 

“Just a few minutes,” she sighed to herself.

Minutes passed in quiet harmony. She felt the world shrink to the bed, to the warmth of Francesca, to the tiny sighs that punctuated each slow inhale and exhale. Her doubts and fears didn’t disappear entirely, but they softened, buffered by the presence of her daughter. Maya drifted somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, a tender, fragile calm settling over her.

Until a painful scream cut through the night, jolting Maya awake. The soft warmth she felt moments ago was replaced by adrenaline and anxiety.

“I want mamma!” Francesca cried loudly, tugging at her stuffy.

Maya rushed to wrap her arms around the small body. Each hiccup shaking her daughter violently had Maya’s heart twisting painfully. “Shh, it’s okay Sunshine.”

“No!” Francesca stiffened debating between the soft warm she had started to recognize as Maya and her need to have her Mamma by her side. “Mamma,” 

Accepting defeat once again, Maya sighed and kissed her daughter’s head. “Okay, baby. We call Mamma. Would you like that?” Maya smiled at the small nod and stood up before scooping Francesca in her arms. “Okay. Please, don’t cry, baby,” Maya carried them through the hallways towards the kitchen where she had left her phone before moving to the couch, placing a whimpering toddler on her lap as she pressed Carina’s contact and started a call.

“Ciao, Bambina,” Carina greeted sleepily after it rang for a few moments and Maya released a sigh.

“Mamma,” came Francesca’s small voice as she focused on her mother's face. The last traces of cry hanging in her voice.

“Oh, piccolina,” Carina’s face morphed from sleep to alert, assessing her daughter’s features before it settled on warmth. “Cosa è successo?” She asked softly.

Francesca snuggled as if waiting to morph with Maya before she spoke, “want you,” she pouted.

“I'll be home tomorrow, piccola mia,” Carina explained. “Now you stay with Maya, sì? You like Maya,” she offered tentatively and Maya felt the knot in her stomach tighten.

“You too,” Francesca whimpered.

“Bambina?” Carina’s eyes settled on Maya and the blonde felt her face flush. “You can use my clothes,” she admitted slowly. “I think it’s best if you sleep with her in my bed,” 

The words -although a firm command, had come so vehemently, so full of something Maya was just starting to embrace.

“Would you like that?” Maya’s voice came almost strangled as she looked down at Francesca, who nodded in reply. “Okay,” Maya sighed as she stood up and walked towards Carina’s room, trying really hard to ignore the tight knot in her stomach.

After she placed Francesca on the big bed, Maya handed her the phone so she could speak with her mamma, in hopes the girl’s anxiety settled.

She rumaged through Carina’s drawers, catching the first baggy t-shirt she found. The anxiety starting to tense her body left little room to be picky. She just wanted her daughter to feel safe. And by the soft voice of Francesca, Maya knew Carina had calmed her enough for their daughter to sleep again. Or at least try.

Once she settled in bed beside her daughter, Francesca handed her the phone with a small smile. “Thank you, baby,” she smiled back.

Looking at the screen, Carina’s soft eyes settled on her, as if reading her emotions. “Ease your furrow,” Carina indicated softly, having Maya relax her brows. “You’re alright,”

Maya just nodded, allowing the warmth of her daughter by her side and Carina’s presence -even through a screen, to wrap around her body.

“Ma-ya san,” Francesca commented sleepily, with her eyes glued to the small screen.

“Oh? Did she now?” Carina’s eyes twinkled with something that had Maya’s heart skipping a beat.

“Sì. To seep.” The toddler nodded with a sleepy smile on her face.

“Do you think you could go back to sleep now if Maya sang to you?” Carina prompted gently.

Francesca rubbed her tired eyes before tightening her hold on her plushy, “Mis you,” she pouted.

“I miss you too, piccolina. But I’ll be back tomorrow. And if you close your eyes now, time will move faster.” Carina’s voice was reassuring.

“P’womis?”

“Ti prometto, amore mio.” Carina smiled encouragingly and looked expectantly at Maya, who had been witnessing the mother-daughter exchange with something she couldn’t name, but had become familiar.

Francesca weighed Carina’s words in her small brain before she whispered a “Bo’nanote, Mamma,” before she closed her eyes and sought refuge in Maya’s warmth. “Nite, Mommy.”

“Buonanotte, stellina mia,” Carina whispered, “Now sing for us, pwese?” Carina pouted and Maya couldn’t help the small chuckle, starting to voice the song she had chosen for her daughter.

The soft melody settled between them like a blanket, with Francesca losing her battle against sleep and Carina’s gaze on her. “You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you,” Maya swallowed a lump before looking up to Carina. “Please don’t take my sunshine away,” Maya blinked the tears that had pooled in her eyes and allowed a few moments of silence to make sure Francesca was asleep.

Maya sank deeper into the bed, letting Francesca curl completely against her side. The little body was warm, soft, and light, her tiny hand tucked into Maya’s shirt. The blanket rustled gently with every small movement, the scent of shampoo lingering in the air. The phone’s glow painted Carina’s face in soft strokes of light, catching in her eyes and reflecting in Maya’s.

“You’re fighting it,” Carina broke the silence and Maya fought the whimper threatening to escape her. “Bambina, guardami,” she insisted.

“You did good,” Carina smiled something that had Maya’s body twirling in a funny way.

“But she wanted you,” Maya spoke. “I wasn’t enough,” Maya looked back down, the defeat still choking at her heart.

“No. You are exactly what she needed.” Carina refuted. “Look at her… sleeping against you,”

Maya followed her gaze, tracing the curve of Francesca’s cheek with a fingertip. The tiny rise and fall of her chest, the soft press of her body, the warmth radiating off her. Each breath untangled the knot in Maya’s chest. “What if I mess it up?” she murmured, voice trembling.

Carina’s smile softened, eyes full of unwavering love. “Then you try again. That’s what being a parent is. Not perfection, just showing up. And you’ve been showing up over and over, Bambina. She has started to see you as her Mommy,” Maya couldn’t help smiling timidly at the way Carina’s voice wrapped around the last word. Half teasing, half loving.

“The bed doesn’t feel the same without you,” Maya found herself blurting after a few moments of silence. “And the house… it’s incomplete.”

Maya met Carina’s eyes on the screen and her heart did a somersault at what she saw.

“You’re taking care of the fortress,” she teased with a small voice. “And tomorrow, her world will be complete,” Carina vowed into the night.

Maya’s lips curved into a fragile smile, letting another tear slip free. “Ti amo,” she whispered, her head resting over Francesca’s. The glow of the screen, the warmth of her daughter, Carina’s soft voice… they all wove together into a cocoon of safety and love.

For the first time that night, Maya exhaled fully, letting herself exist in the quiet intimacy of the moment, fully present, fully seen, fully loved. She belonged in her daughter’s world.

"Sei arrivato," (You came)

"Maya è la madre," (Maya is her mom)

"Zito. Ti prego," (Quiet, please)

"Ma Carina, sei davvero sicuro che Maya non ti farà del male? " (But Carina, are you really sure Maya won’t hurt you?)

"Giorno dopo giorno me lo dimostra. Gli credo ciecamente. Lei si preoccupa davvero. Per me, per Fran" (Day by day she shows it to me. I believe her completely. She really cares. For me, for Fran)

Chapter Text

The soft, golden light sweeping through the curtains and the warmth pressed against her ribs had Maya feeling something she was still getting used to. Francesca’s small hand clutching her shirt and the steady rhythm of her breath added to the faint weight that made the world feel suddenly still. For a second, she didn’t move, afraid that breathing too loud might break it. This quiet, this belonging she hadn’t dared to imagine.

Carina’s scent lingered on the pillow beside her, clean and familiar. The sheets carried the kind of comfort that used to make sense in another life. And now, here she was again, in Carina’s bed, wrapped around the child they’d both dreamed of but never shared the same way -a child that had come barreling into her life a bit over six months ago to change it in ways she was still discovering.

Her chest tightened with the memory of last night replaying on a loop she couldn’t escape -not that she wanted to, anyways.

You did good, Carina had said. And Maya believed it -even if just for a moment, she dared to believe she could do this. She could be a good mom.

Francesca stirred, a small sigh escaping her lips before whispering something incoherent and nuzzling closer, making Maya’s heart clench so tight it almost hurt. She pressed her lips to the crown of her daughter’s head.

It was all it took for the little girl to look up with half-lidded eyes and a smile that had Maya’s heart growing ten times.

“Ciao, Mommy,”

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Maya smiled tearily and kissed her head once again, breathing her in. She allowed the calmness of the morning to wrap around her soul. Rich, loving, easy.

“Mamma comes today?” Francesca’s hopeful voice melted Maya’s heart.

“Yes, baby. Mamma will be home later today. Now, what do you say we have breakfast and then go to the park?”

“Sì! Wid Fod!” Maya couldn’t help the chuckle at her daughter’s enthusiasm. “Pancakes?”

“We can have pancakes,” Maya kissed her nose and scooped the toddler off the bed.

As Maya poured the last of the batter into the pan, her phone rang beside her with an unknown number, bringing a frown to her eyebrows.

“Hello?” She answered, her gaze on Francesca, who was happily munching on a pancake.

“Maya, hi! It’s Luca from Horizon Realty.” The man introduced himself. “I’ve got a house that matches your expectations, and the owners are opening up for a visit today.”

“Today?” Maya flipped the darker-than-usual pancake, biting her lip. With all the chaos her life had become in the last 48 or so hours, she had forgotten about the house-hunting process she’d started.

“I know it’s short notice, but they are pretty tight on schedule, and I really think you would like this one,” he pushed.

“Okay, yes.” Maya agreed, turning off the stove.

“Great. I’ll send you the location and we’ll see you in two hours.”

She placed the phone down and added the last pancake to the small tower, bringing it to the table.

“Guess we’ll have another adventure today, Captain.”

“Sì!” Francesca cheered as she dipped her finger in a small pool of syrup and brought it to her mouth, giggling when Maya fixed her a look.

After the slow pace of breakfast and getting ready, Maya stopped by the curb at the direction she was given. The craftsman house stood proud on her right, its decent size big enough to host a family of 4, maybe 5. The quiet that surrounded them told Maya of a possibility she had run from but secretly wished. The chaos of the city felt distant, as this part of Seattle spoke of family and a coziness she hardly witnessed downtown.

The thought had Maya daydreaming about a future she was shy about. The early stage of her kind-of relationship with Carina was still floating around, only held together by Francesca, who was the link bonding them.

“Ma-ya?” The small voice brought her back.

“Right. Off to exploring we go,” Maya spoke with a nod before stepping out of the car and retrieving her daughter.

“Hi, Maya,” Luca greeted her as he walked from his car a few feet away. “And who is this?” He leaned down with his hand outstretched.

“This is my—Francesca,” Maya held herself back. She didn’t want to overwhelm the little girl, who hid behind Maya’s legs and eyed the stretched hand with a frown.

Thankfully, Luca composed himself quickly and shook Maya’s hand instead. “Alright, I’ll give you a few minutes to inspect the house, and then we can go over any doubts you might have and the process of purchasing if you feel like.”

Maya nodded and took her daughter’s hand as they crossed the small white picket fence enclosing the perimeter, something she was confident would let Francesca play outside safely, knowing the limits of her explorations.

The small yard was well taken care of, and the few little flowers just starting to blossom gave life to the pots and window boxes. The earthy smell filled her insides with something she had long repressed. The big tree on the left offered a vision of what lazy afternoons could look like, with Francesca playing around while she sat on the swing on the porch, the shade helping her hide from the sun. Although part of her was skeptical, she hoped Carina would want to be part of the picture too.

“Ma-ya! We go in?” Francesca tugged on her arm, making Maya smile. The little girl practically vibrated with excitement.

“Ay, ay, Captain!” Maya mock-saluted as her daughter giggled beside her. “Your crew is right behind you.”

As told, Francesca sprinted toward the front porch and into the open door, with Maya hot on her heels, taking note of every little detail. Upon entering, Maya’s breath stilled momentarily. The sunlight poured through the big windows, scattering across the chocolate-hued hardwood floor in golden sparks, like tiny fragments of Carina’s eyes had somehow fallen into the room. Dust motes floated lazily in the warm air, catching the light.

“I in chag!” Francesca called, raising a wooden spoon she had found in one of the kitchen cabinets. “Have a sod!”

“Of course you are, Captain! Let’s keep exploring,” Maya encouraged, happily following her daughter around, making a mental note to return the spoon to its place.

Once they reached the second floor, Francesca entered one of the rooms, stopping in the middle of it.

“Mommy! Pakes!” The little girl twirled around, chasing the shiny dust particles dancing in the air.

“They’re beautiful,” Maya smiled warmly as she took her phone and quickly snapped a picture—the scene was too perfect to witness with her eyes only.

After a bit more wandering around the house, they stepped through the back glass doors. The backyard stretched in a bright green, with small, colorful dots standing shyly as the first days of Spring settled over. Maya’s attention shifted to her daughter, who inspected her surroundings with an awe only kids possessed.

“Ma-ya, look! It go up and up!” Francesca called from her place on the ground by a bush. Maya kneeled beside her and saw a small bug climbing the leafy surface.

“Fantastic, isn’t it?” Maya smiled momentarily before her impulses took over. “Just like you!” She quickly stood and picked Francesca up, making her giggle as she spun her around, up and down in the morning light.

Maya inhaled the earthy scent of the yard once more, letting the quiet happiness of the morning settle deep in her chest. Watching Francesca’s small hands reach for the flowers, spinning under the sunlight, she allowed herself a fleeting daydream -of laughter echoing through the rooms, of shared mornings and quiet evenings, of a home filled with love. For a moment, the house didn’t feel empty; it felt alive, ready to hold them all.

Carina’s heart twitched in that familiar, quiet way as she marveled at the picture Maya had sent her earlier. Francesca was standing in the middle of an empty room surrounded by tiny golden specks dancing around her small form; her blonde locks shining in the sunlight like a halo, as if the universe itself had chosen to remind Carina that she was their little treasure.

Carina smiled, almost unconsciously. She’d been transported to a past where she dared to dream about this. Of laughter filling the house, chaos rising everywhere. She'd dared to dream of a family she was finally so close to, yet still too far.

There had been a time when the word family felt like glass in her hands -something it could shatter if you weren’t careful. Maya’s voice played in her mind in that last argument that had dynamited them.

But the image lingered differently this time. The room was empty, and Francesca was at the center of it -radiant, untethered, untouched by the weight of Carina’s own uncertainty. Somewhere inside her, a quiet thought bloomed. She’d been here before, watching Maya build a dream she didn’t know how to be part of. Back then, she thought love was enough to fill the silence between them. Now, she knew better.

A soft knock on her door pulled her out of her reverie. Amelia stepped in with a soft smile. “You’re about to be set free,” she walked into the room, leaning against the bed. “Why aren’t you happy?”

Carina sighed as she looked back at the screen before turning it so Amelia could see.

“She looks like a fairy,” Amelia noted, and Carina couldn’t help but smile in agreement.

“Maya sent it,” Carina informed her.

“It wouldn’t be the first time,” the neurosurgeon frowned. “What changed?”

Carina bit her lower lip. “Maya told me this morning she had a call from a realtor about a house. She brought Fran with her.”

She saw Amelia biting the inside of her cheek, clearly resisting the urge. Carina silently thanked her.

“She’s been searching for her own place. A house that could provide a personal space for Fran and room to grow. And I’m happy and understand her needs. I know she wants to take care of Fran in her own space. And she… she’s mentioned she saw me there too. I just…”

“You’re afraid,” Amelia offered for her, receiving a nod from Carina.

“What if I allow myself to dream and it all blows up in my face? What if we’re not ready for… for-”

Carina looked up at her friend for help.

“As a bringer of life, you certainly are a pessimist,” Amelia shook her head. “Don’t you see it? Maya has stepped into her role as Fran’s mom without a but. She’s taken care of you when you were sick. She even picks you and Francesca up. Damn Lord, Carina. Maya has been acting like your wife since she had the chance.”

Carina looked down as she allowed the words to settle. Suddenly, the IV connected to her vein held all the mysteries of the universe, and it was Carina’s task to unveil them.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Maya anymore. She had proved herself time and time again in these few months, and Carina could see it in her eyes. She cared. It was just that she remembered how much it had hurt to do so back then.

Before Carina could respond to her friend, the door to the room opened, and Francesca shimmed in Maya’s arms to be let down.

“Mamma!” The toddler made grabby hands as Maya quickly placed her in Carina’s bed, who took her in her open arms.

“Ciao, piccolina,” Carina peppered her face with kisses, eliciting a few giggles from her daughter. “I missed you.” She placed one last kiss on her head. “Did you have fun?”

“Ma-ya fun,” Francesca nodded as she snuggled against Carina. “We saw house. And, and Fod dan duc!”

“Oh?” Carina looked up at Maya, who was sporting a warm smile.

“We went to the park, and Ford saw a few ducks and jumped in the water to play with them,” Maya explained as she stood by Amelia's side. “Hi, Doc. How is she?”

“She is here,” Carina spoke from her place on the bed.

“I can see,” Maya gave her a look she couldn’t describe, but it did things to her.

“Like I said, wife material,” Amelia snorted. “She’s alright. She’ll be free once the bag is done,” she gestured to the new bag of fluids running through Carina’s IV.

“That said, this is my cue,” the neurosurgeon stood up from the chair. “It’s nice seeing you, Firefighter Barbie, take care of your girls.” She winked at her. “And you, little missy,” she leaned down to a smiling Francesca, “I’ll see you tomorrow for playdate. Yes?”

“Sì!” Francesca wrapped her arms around Amelia’s neck momentarily before settling back against Carina’s chest.

“And you, ease your mind.”

With that, the doctor left the room, ignoring the effect her words possessed.

“Should I ask?” Maya questioned as she brought the chair closer to the bed and sat down, taking Carina’s hand.

“Not now,” Carina smiled, allowing the softness of Maya’s skin to settle her doubts. “How was she?”

“A dream,” Maya smiled softly as she looked at their daughter, and Carina couldn’t help the pang in her heart. Maybe this time it’ll be different.

“I have something to ask you,” Maya spoke after a few moments, her thumb caressing Carina’s hand.

“Cosa?” She looked up from her daughter playing with the rings on her fingers.

“Can I kiss you once she falls asleep?”

Maya’s pout had her snorting at the unexpected request. “You don’t have to ask, Bambina.”

“And I can stay with you tonight?” Maya leaned closer, bringing their hands to her lips, kissing every knuckle of Carina’s hand. The spark in her blue eyes let her know she knew exactly what she was doing to her.

“Sì,” Carina whispered. Her whole body vibrated with the anticipation of what could come.

She may not be ready to say the words out loud, but she surely felt her soul sealing its fate with Maya’s. The talks would come, the love would grow. It was just a matter of time until every puzzle fit in its place.

Chapter Text

“Maya? This is not the way home?” Carina frowned as Maya didn’t take the right turn.

The hand on her thigh squeezed her softly. “Do you trust me?”

“Sempre,” Carina’s hand covered Maya’s in a silent gesture.

After Amelia’s visit to let her know she was being released from the hospital, the focus had shifted to Francesca, who yapped happily about her adventures with Maya, pulling soft smiles and complicit looks between both adults. And although the mention of the house had come from Francesca, in her bubbling excitement about it, the air between Maya and Carina had turned charged with something Carina wasn’t ready to name -but felt deep inside.

As the overpopulation of cars began to thin and the suburbs started to unfold around them, that familiar tug returned, the one she kept trying to quiet. The warmth that Maya’s presence brought was quickly shadowed by that cautious voice inside her whispering not to hope too soon.

“I can’t show you the inside until I get in touch with the owners -probably in a few days,” Maya’s voice broke through her thoughts, gentle but tinged with nerves. She kept her eyes on the road, knuckles faintly pale around the wheel. “But I want you to be part of this.”

For a moment, the only sound was the hum of the engine and the wind slipping through the half-open window. The afternoon light cut soft lines across Maya’s face, highlighting the quiet promise in her expression. Carina felt a sudden flutter in her chest, breaking through the careful walls she had built around herself. She wanted to reach for words, desperate to let Maya know, but all that came out was a slow inhale -the hope in her chest heavier than fear, yet just as fragile.

Then, as if a veil was lifted to reinforce her hope, the house stood before them, warm and quietly familiar. Carina’s chest tightened at the sight -a flutter of hope brushing against the caution she always carried. The soft beige of the walls and the glowing wooden door seemed to whisper of slow afternoons, laughter, and stories yet to be lived.

The small picket fence, the rocking chair on the porch -all of it felt like an invitation, a gentle promise that this could be their place, if she dared. She glanced at Maya, finding her blue eyes shining with a hope that sent a shiver through her bones, and let herself imagine, just for a heartbeat, that 'us' could become something real here.

She nodded as her hand tightened on Maya’s. A silent vow to try. 

“You like it, Mamma?” Francesca spoke from her place on the backseat.

“Sì… é bellissima,” Carina’s voice wobbled a little at the end, but she quickly schooled it. “Do you?”

“Sì!” The toddler nodded fervently. “Ma-ya said I pay wid Fod aways,”

“Sounds like you made a furred friend, huh?” Carina looked over her neck, smiling softly at her daughter.

Between talks and laughs, the small family made it to Carina’s house, where Maya quickly stepped in charge, taking care of an easy dinner while she practically doomed Carina to lay down much to Carina’s dismay.

“I’ve been in bed for 48 hours,” Carina pouted.

“Yes, because you’ve been sick, and dehydrated.” Maya reminded her from the kitchen.

“But now I’m better! I look like myself,” she countered.

Maya walked into the living room glaring at Francesca, making sure she was absorbed in her small world, before taking Carina’s hands in hers as she brought her closer, their chest almost touching. “Bambina,” Carina whispered. She could feel Maya’s warm breath brushing against her lips. 

“Okay. You’re free to walk around but on one condition,” Maya smirked.

“Hmm?” Carina hummed, incapable of speaking. 

“You let me run you a bath,”

“I don’t see how that would be rejected.” Carina’s lips twitched at the playfulness she could see in Maya’s eyes.

“Exactly,” Maya smiled something that had Carina’s heart doing a somersault. “You relax and I take care of everything.” The firefighter nuzzled her nose against Carina’s, and for a heartbeat, the closeness left her breathless. Before she could close the distance, Maya’s lips brushed her forehead, grounding her in the moment.

“Come on, love. Let’s get you pampered,” Maya smiled before she dropped her hand, walking towards the bathroom down the hallway.

Carina released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding and moved towards her daughter, crouching down and kissing her hair, lingering there for a few moments.

As if the universe laughed at her, Maya was right on making her rest. Her body finally catching up with the ease of being home -of being allowed to feel vulnerable, knowing everything was being taken care of. 

“You’ve been quiet,” Carina mused once they’d gotten under the covers in her own bed after putting their daughter to sleep.

“She ate her greens,” Maya pouted.

“Uhh… she loves them?” Carina frowned.

“Last night she threw a tantrum so I had to take them off her plate,” Maya’s blue eyes clouded with something she couldn’t name -and Carina’s heart ached at the realization that she still carried so much weight in the simplest moments.

Part of her wanted to laugh at Maya’s density, but she bit the inside of her cheek, caressing her cheek, instead. “She was testing you,” she informed quietly.

“I was so close to crying,” Maya’s pout deepened and Carina couldn’t help herself. Her thumb brushed her jaw, and something in the way Maya leaned into the touch made her breath hitch -that quiet need she knew too well returning before she could think twice.

The touch of Maya’s lips against hers felt like electricity running through her bones. The slow dance of their mouths held something she’s been craving for a while. So she let herself enjoy it.

What was meant to be a soft peck to cheer Maya up, ended up in a slow, unhurried kiss that deepened until their breaths tangled in the quiet room. Shy hands rediscovering bodies with the kind of subtlety shared by those new lovers getting used to each other.

“Hi,” Maya smiled shyly when they parted for air.

“Ciao, yourself,” Carina nuzzled her nose. “I missed you,” she punctuated her words with a peck on Maya’s lips.

“Hmm,” Maya’s arms wrapped around Carina’s torso, bringing her flush against herself, hiding her face on Carina’s neck.

“Cosa succede, Bambina?” Carina spoke softly as she let her body press against Maya’s underneath hers.

Instead of a vocal reply, she felt Maya’s lips pressing softly against her neck, followed by a deep sigh. That had Carina closing her eyes, letting the steady rhythm of Maya’s breath against her skin blur the rest of the world. For the first time in days, it felt like they were both home.

The quiet between them stretched, the kind that didn’t ask for words -just breath and warmth and the steady rhythm of two hearts trying to remember what peace felt like.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Carina whispered, brushing her fingers through Maya’s hair.

“I was just… thinking about the house,” Maya admitted against her skin. “Francesca loved it. She said it looked like a castle.”

Carina smiled, though something tightened inside her chest. “A castle, huh?”

“Yeah.” Maya lifted her head just enough to meet her eyes. “It has a yard, and a big window in what could be her room.” Maya’s eyes shone in that way that left Carina speechless. “I could see us there.”

There it was -that quiet hope that always made Carina’s heart stumble.

“You don’t have to decide now,” Maya added quickly, her voice soft, cautious. “I just wanted you to know that when I picture home… it’s not without you.”

The words sank into the silence between them, warm and terrifying all at once.

Carina’s hand found Maya’s cheek again. “You and your castles,” she murmured with a faint smile that didn’t quite hide the tears gathering in her eyes.

“You’d make a lovely queen,” Maya teased, and Carina finally let out a small, shaky laugh -because maybe, just maybe, it didn’t sound impossible anymore.

Outside, the night hummed softly, and for once, Carina didn’t feel the need to look ahead. She was exactly where she belonged, with Maya beside her, in the quiet rhythm of their breathing. In this bubble they had started to build, not out of desperation or eagerness, but from the love they still shared. Carina shifted slightly closer, letting herself melt into Maya’s warmth, and for the first time in a long while, she felt fully at peace. At home.

Chapter Text

With a sigh, Maya dropped the cloth into the bucket and moved to the rear of the engine. Her mind drifted through every single shared moment in the last few days -Carina in the hospital while she took care of their daughter and after Carina was released, the quick detour to her new house and what all that implied to them. The possibility of a new beginning, of a family they dreamed a while ago but were too unprepared to build. 

The whirlwind of emotions brewing in her chest was something she had been nurturing by herself not because she didn’t want to share them, but because she was scared. 

She saw Carina. She could see the flickers of doubt, the quiet anxiety she carried. Yet, she wasn’t sure she was allowed to step in -or to ask for permission.

That night, after Carina had been released from the hospital, in the safety of her bed, they shared a connection that still sent shivers down Maya’s spine. The kiss they shared was everything she had missed, craved and thanked for. The years spent away, the unshakable trust they still had in each other -it all poured into that collision of lips, like stars exploding across the sky.

“Maya!” Andy’s voice rumbled through the fog in Maya’s head, making her jump a little. “You’ve been staring at the same shiny spot for like five minutes,” the brunette explained once Maya turned. “You good?”

“I… yeah,” Maya nodded as she leaned her back against the engine. “Just thinking.”

Andy walked over the few steps that separated them. “Carina?”

Maya’s smile couldn't be helped. “When am I not?”

“Fair,” Andy chuckled while she flipped the sheets in the clipboard. “Anyways, Jack told me the clinic is ready, just a few missing details.” Andy informed. “Any chance Carina would participate?” 

“She told me something about it. Bailey is sending a bunch of interns and a rotative-volunteer-whatever attendings.” Maya grabbed the clipboard ignoring the complaint from her friend and looked over the details. “She’s been asked to join us from time to- of course she would be in charge,” Maya muttered half-annoyed, half-anxious.

“Huh?” Andry frowned, clearly having missed what Maya spotted.

“Carina’s best friend,” Maya offered the stolen clipboard. “She’s been signed up at Grey Sloan and was put in charge of the clinic,” Maya sighed. Her chest tightening in anticipation.

“Wait. The one Carina had sex with? That friend?” Andy’s eyes could bulk off their sockets.

“Yeah,” Maya shrugged. 

Andy blinked, her expression a mix of disbelief and curiosity. “And you’re okay with that?”

“With what?” Maya frowned.

“That your girlfriend’s best friend -who she’s been intimate with- is gonna be around in a daily basis?” 

Andy’s tone was teasing, but her eyes were searching and Maya knew she couldn’t escape this.

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Maya replied automatically.

Andy smirked. “Right. My bad. You’re not spending every single free time with her nor doted her when she was sick . And let’s not forget-”

“Shut up,” Maya laughed, throwing the rag at her friend, landing square in her face.

The silence stretched just long enough for Maya to breathe.

“She makes me feel like…” Maya’s eyes flickered to the floor before focusing on the shiny red of the engine. “Like I don’t have to prove myself anymore. Like… everything I do is because I want to, not because I have to.”

Andy’s brown eyes scrutinized her and Maya shifted. “That’s growth,”

“Thanks,” Maya deadpanned.

“No, I’m serious! You changed for good, Bishop.” Andy nugged her shoulder. “So when will you ask her?”

Maya couldn’t help smiling at the meaning of that question.

“Oh, my God. You planned it already!”

“Kind of?” Maya shrugged.

She had thought about it -more times than she’d admit, but the when and how still eluded her.Maya just felt she needed to ask Carina to take the next step in order to move further. As much as she was enjoying this easy rhythm and the lightness of this situationship, she couldn’t help feeling something was missing. Something that old Maya thought was never gonna happen again.

“Well, you’ll have the place for yourself next week when I’m gone. And Ford,”

“Gone?” Maya frowned.

“Training stuff in Colorado,” Andy tsked. ”Maybe you should, I don’t know, cook something nice or do whatever people do when they’re happy and in love.”

“I’m not-” Maya started, but Andy’s look made her stop. “Okay, fine. Maybe.”

Andy grinned, patting her arm. “Carina deserves it. Smiling looks good on you.”

Maya laughed, shaking her head as Andy walked off. But as she glanced at the rag in the bucket -still waiting, the thought of a quiet dinner, Ford curled up at their feet, Carina in her arms and Francesca’s laughter echoing through her apartment didn’t seem that far-fetched anymore.

Maya clipped the leash into Ford’s collar and stepped out into the warm spring night. The air smelled faintly of blossoms, soft and sweet, and the streets glimmered under the streetlamps. Ford tugged ahead, curious, alive, sniffing around and chasing the shadows of passing cars.

“I know, bud. Long day, huh?” Maya chuckled as Ford sprinted forward and Maya followed in a nice throttle. Despite her being spent, her buddy needed the energy release and she was happy to join him.

A few blocks down, her phone started to ring so she slowed down, smiling when she saw the ID contact.

“Hey, Carina,”

“Ciao,” her voice sounded tired, almost dreadful.

“What’s wrong?” Maya asked gently, though she couldn’t help the small smile tugging at her lips. She pictured Carina’s subtle pout, the way her brow furrowed when she was exhausted.

“It’s been a long shift,” Carina sighed. “I needed to hear you.”

“Well, happy to help,” Maya smiled, but before she could continue, Ford darted after a leaf, pulling on the leash. “Ford!” Maya chastised and the dog stopped right in its tracks. “Calm down, dude,” Maya tsked before resuming the walk. “Sorry,” she sighed.

“You okay?” Maya could hear the smile on Carina’s voice.

“Yeah, it’s been a long day for us too,” Maya blinked at the labradoodle observing a snail as if he was studying it.

“Bambina?” Carina’s voice pulled her back from the trance.

“Sorry,” Maya muttered. “What did you say?”

“Fran woke up missing you,”

At Carina’s words, something in Maya shifted and a newly, familiar warmth invaded her. “I miss her too,”

“What about me?” Maya giggled at the pout in Carina’s voice.

“I’m always missing you,” she spoke softly.

“Good. As you should,” Carina tsked.

Maya drew in a quiet breath. “Andy is away next week, and I was wondering if you would like to come over? I know the next few days are packed for both of us and-”

“Bambina, breathe,” Carina interrupted gently. “Yes, I’d like to.”

“So it’s a date?” Maya smiled hopeful.

“It’s a date,” Carina agreed.

The rest of the call was spent chatting about their days and Carina sharing Franecsca’s adventures, making Maya laugh, ask questions, listening. She craved for the time where she could live with both of them. Hopefully soon, she reminded herself.

By the time she was back from the walk, Carina had excused herself as a patient started her labour, promising they’d find a window in their schedules for a meet-up with their daughter in tow. It was weird for Maya to come back to her life outside of the bubble she had created with Carina and Francesca.

Unclapping the leash, she allowed Ford to run away as she took off her jacket and shoes.

She sank onto the couch, Ford resting his head on her lap, and ran her hand through his fur. She let herself breathe.

Her thoughts wandered to the future -a house of her own, quiet and steady, waiting to welcome Carina and Francesca. She didn’t need to picture it in detail. She only needed the feeling. The quiet promise of warmth, presence, and shared life.

Ford nudged her hand again. Maya smiled softly, scratching behind his ears, feeling the calm settle deep in her chest. The apartment was simple, familiar, yet she knew this chapter was coming to an end. And for the first time in a long while, Maya felt ready. Ready to let tomorrow unfold at its own pace.

Later, as she stepped out of the shower, her gaze hovered over the frame on her nightstand, where Carina and Francesca smiled toothily at the camera -at her. Too good of a picture to keep just on her phone.

That night, Maya let herself drift into sleep, imagining a life where the three of them were together. She had tasted fragments of this happiness before, small, fleeting crumbs on an empty stomach. But now, the future looked full, bright, and hers. And for the first time in a long while, she felt ready to let it unfold.