Chapter Text
My name is Katherine. I was taken to the Jedi Temple when I was just a little girl of six. I remember every detail of that day, as if the memories had been carved into my mind with the blade of a lightsaber.
It was raining. I was curled up in a corner of the Temple’s great hall, surrounded by unfamiliar children and Masters who spoke in soft, yet distant tones. Fear gripped my chest as if something was about to crush me from the inside. I didn’t want to be there. I wanted my mother. I wanted my home.
And that’s when he appeared.
Anakin Skywalker.
He was nine years old, with curious eyes and a cheeky smile that seemed to carry the warmth of a distant sun. He found me crying inside a broom closet. Instead of laughing at me or leaving without a word, he came in and sat beside me.
— “Do you hate it here too?” he asked, offering me a small roll he had hidden from the cafeteria.
— “I… I just want to go home,” I murmured, wiping my face with the sleeves of my tunic.
— “Yeah. I felt that way at first too. But it’s not that bad. The food’s good and sometimes the Masters forget to check the training droids. Then we get to play with the sabers.” — He smiled.
I laughed. For the first time that day. And in that laughter, a feeling was born that would stay with me to this day.
Love.
The years passed. I became a Padawan. I was assigned to train under Master Marci, a calm and strict Jedi who preferred the peace of silence over the storm of words.
And then… I saw Anakin again. Now a young man, as beautiful as the Naboo sunset. His eyes were deeper, his gaze more intense. His body, shaped by years of training, wore Jedi robes with an elegance that made my heart beat faster every time he walked by me.
We were assigned to a mission together. Protecting Senator Padmé Amidala.
The first time I saw her, I understood everything. The way Anakin’s eyes sparkled when she spoke. The way his body leaned slightly toward her, even without noticing. And most of all, the way he smiled… in a way he never smiled at me.
They belonged to each other.
That afternoon, the sun bathed the fields of Naboo in gold. Padmé and Anakin were talking by the lake. She laughed at something he said. He touched her hand, not even realizing how much it hurt me.
I walked away.
I wandered aimlessly until I found a more secluded lake. I sat down, feeling the damp grass beneath my knees. The wind played with my brown hair, lightly curled at the ends. I looked at my reflection in the water.
A small face. Dull black eyes. Nothing that stood out. Nothing compared to Padmé’s vibrant and radiant beauty.
— “He never saw me,” — I whispered, and the pain escaped in the form of tears that rolled down without permission.
I'm not a full Jedi yet, but I know that feelings are dangerous. Attachment is forbidden. Love is a threat to the Order.
But how could I stop my heart from loving the one who saved me in that closet all those years ago?
How could I stop loving Anakin Skywalker?
"It’s better to leave this love behind."
I thought to myself, my throat tight as I continued to stare at the calm water of the lake.
It would never happen anyway. Anakin loves Padmé. That was clear. As clear as Naboo’s cloudless sky, as the Force pulsing alive around me. I was just a shadow, a silent echo of his past. And besides, we are Jedi. Love is forbidden.
I take a deep breath. The wind blows stronger now, scattering my hair like a flag in battle. I kneel down. Angry at the tears still falling, I wipe my face harshly. As if that could tear the pain away.
— “Enough.” I whisper. “It’s over.”
I reach out over the lake’s surface and let my fingers touch the cold water. The ripples spread in circles. Like my heart: broken, drifting away from everything it once dreamed of.
— “I am Katherine. I’m not weak. I’m not a shadow.”
My words echo for no one but me. But they sound like a promise.
— “From now on... I fight for myself. For the good of the galaxy. For the people who need protection. Not for an impossible love.”
I rise with resolve. My hands clenched, my eyes burning—but dry.
I won’t cry anymore.
---
Back on the ship, I walk through the corridors with steady steps. Master Marci sees me and slightly furrows his brow.
— “Are you alright?” he asks, his voice low and firm.
— “I’m ready for the mission.” I reply flatly, meeting his gaze without blinking.
He observes me for a moment, then nods. He’s never liked unnecessary questions. That’s why we get along. He respects strength.
But before I can move on, Anakin appears in the hallway. He’s coming from the opposite direction, smiling... until he sees me.
— “Katherine.” He stops, surprised. “You disappeared. Padmé was worried.”
— “I’m here now.” I reply curtly, looking away.
He frowns.
— “You... seem different.”
I laugh, without humor.
— “The galaxy is strange, Skywalker. I’m exactly the same as I’ve always been.”
I step forward to pass him, but he grabs my arm. His warm hand wraps around my wrist. The touch I dreamed of for years. And now... it only hurts.
— “Hey... what happened?” he asks, genuinely. His big eyes, as innocent as ever.
— “Nothing you need to know.” I free my arm, not aggressively, but firmly. “You have a Senator to protect. So do I. Let’s focus on that.”
His eyes falter. Maybe he sensed something. Or maybe not.
Either way, I move forward. Because I am Katherine. And from today on, love will no longer be my weakness.
It will be my freedom.
---
Night falls over Naboo. The silence is heavy as stone. But not even the comfort of the stars brings me peace.
I sit atop a tower, far from the others. From where I am, I can see the balcony of Padmé’s room. Anakin is there. Sitting beside her. Laughing softly.
My teeth clenched for a moment. But I closed my eyes.
— “It’s not their fault,” I murmured.
Maybe… maybe that’s just it. I don’t belong in that kind of story. I’m not a princess. I’m not the damsel.
I’m a blade.
I was made to fight. To defend. To obey?
No.
I don’t obey.
I never have. Not when I was a child. Not now. I follow only those I respect. And anyone who tries to break me will bleed trying.
Master Marci knows that. The Jedi Order knows that. But I don’t care about rules that wound my heart.
Maybe one day… the Force will take me far from all of this.
Or… maybe I’ll have to fight to forge my own path.
Even if it leads me away from the Order.
---
The attempt on Senator Padmé Amidala’s life had changed everything.
In a matter of hours, we were relocated: I, Anakin, and Padmé would depart together for Naboo, under the Jedi Council’s direct orders. Obi-Wan would follow another lead on the assassin.
The ship was silent when we took off. Padmé occupied a seat by the window. Anakin sat beside her. I, in the back, arms crossed, legs stretched out, and my gaze fixed on the dark space outside.
— “Are you going to stay there the whole way?” Anakin asked, turning to me.
— “Yes.” I replied curtly. “Unless the universe needs me somewhere else.”
Padmé suppressed a smile. Anakin furrowed his brow.
— “What’s going on with you, Katherine?”
— “Nothing you need to know.” I repeated his words from days ago.
Anakin bit his lower lip, irritated.
— “You’re not like this...”
— “You’ve never known me, Anakin.” I turned my face slowly. “Not even when we were children. And certainly not now.”
For a moment, I saw something falter in his eyes. A shadow of doubt. Of guilt.
But he fell silent.
---
We arrived on Naboo days later. The planet was as beautiful as the last time. But I had no eyes for the scenery.
My eyes were on the makeshift training field I set up in a clearing.
While Padmé and Anakin explored gardens, exchanged laughter and glances, I trained.
Alone. As always.
— “You’re training too much,” Master Marci had once warned me. “The Force requires balance. Body and mind in harmony.”
But harmony was an illusion for someone who never had peace.
I dodged an attack droid with agility, spinning in the air and slicing its core with precision. Two, three, four... destroyed.
— “You’re still impressive,” a voice behind me said.
I spun my saber off with a snap.
Anakin.
— “Watching now?” I asked, without looking at him. “Has the Senator taken a break?”
He ignored the provocation.
— “You’re hurting inside. I see it. I feel it.”
— “Then stop looking.”
He approached. I felt his presence like a storm expanding.
— “Why do you hate me now?” His voice came out low.
— “I don’t hate you. I just stopped caring.” I met his gaze. “You’re not the center of the galaxy, Anakin. And if you’re so sensitive to the Force, you should feel that I just want you to leave me alone.”
His jaw tightened. But he didn’t reply.
The truth was there. He was torn. Between Padmé and me. Between the comfort of visible love and the mystery of something he didn’t know how to name. But I wouldn’t be his confusion. I wouldn’t be his second choice.
Not anymore.
---
The climate on Naboo was warm and calm, with the scent of flowers filling the air and the distant sound of water flowing through fountains hidden among the trees. The mission was simple: protection and surveillance. But nothing was ever simple with Anakin Skywalker around.
I tried to stay focused. I really did.
Ever since our conversation on the balcony, he hadn’t stopped following me. He was like a damn lost puppy, always behind me, with that sideways glance, that half-smile that completely threw me off. I could feel him even when he wasn’t speaking, as if his presence had a life of its own, pulsing in the air.
“You’re going to follow me to the bathroom too?” I growled once, after finding him ‘casually’ strolling through the hallway next to my room.
He just smiled. The bastard just smiled.
Today, Padmé and I were in the palace gardens. She walked among the flowers with the grace of a princess, talking about politics and the peace her planet fought so hard to maintain. I tried to listen, I swear I did... but my attention went to him. Anakin.
He approached riding a local creature, a large animal with golden fur, as if straight out of a cheap holofilm. That was too much.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered, crossing my arms, watching him laugh from atop the beast.
“Relax, Kat,” he said in that cocky tone of his, “I’m just... unwinding a little.”
But then the animal suddenly bolted into a run, and before I could react, Anakin lost control and hit the ground hard. The sound of the impact made my heart stop. Dry. Harsh. Too silent.
“Skyni!!!” I screamed, the nickname slipping from my mouth in a panic. I took off running before I could even think, my feet tearing through the grass, knees nearly tripping over my clothes. Crossing the open field, I reached him breathless, my heart pounding like a drum in my throat. “Anakin! Are you okay?! Say something! Look at me, you idiot!”
I knelt beside him, desperate, already reaching to carefully turn him on his side, thinking maybe he’d broken something—or worse...
Then he opened his eyes, a fake expression of pain on his face... and started laughing.
“You should’ve seen your face,” he laughed, his voice choked with amusement. “‘Skyni’, seriously? How long has it been since you last called me that?”
I froze. One second of shock. Another of outrage. And then...
SMACK!
I hit his arm hard..
“IDIOT! Moron! I thought you were dead!”
“But I’m not...” he said, still laughing, his eyes shining with joy. “I just fell on purpose to see if you still cared about me.”
Tears welled up in my eyes without permission. The emotion came like an avalanche, and before I could react, my hands were trembling.
“You’re unbearable, Anakin...” I whispered, my voice cracking. “You... you put me through all this... and you still laugh...”
Before I could pull away, he pulled me into a hug.
Fast. Strong. Warm.
His chest was warm. He smelled familiar, like earth and ship oil. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders firmly, one hand on the back of my neck, and my body froze. I should’ve resisted. I should’ve pushed him away.
But I couldn’t.
I stayed there, my face buried in his shoulder, feeling my tears soak into his tunic.
“I’m sorry...” he whispered, and for the first time, his voice sounded sincere, as if he was scared too. “I just wanted... to make you smile again.”
It took a while. But when I finally pulled away, I looked at him with a mix of anger, relief, and... something else. Something I didn’t want to name.
“You’re an idiot, Skywalker.”
“I know,” he said, still smiling. “But I’m your idiot, right?”
I sighed, wiping the tears from my face, already hating myself for them.
“You don’t belong to anyone, Anakin. And I’m not your babysitter.”
“But you still care about me,” he said, teasing.
I didn’t answer. I just stood up, looking toward the horizon. The sun was already starting to set. The sky, painted in gold, seemed to mock me.
He stayed silent, but walked beside me. And for the first time... I didn’t try to push him away.