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Chapter Text

The letter on the counter stayed half ripped open, being pondered by the only awake aquabat. It was weird for the commander to be up so early, and even weirder to not find himself in the lab bothering Jimmy.

The contents of the letter stated him in the face, memories from a past he didn't want to go back to flooded him. The sound of the bunk room door whooshing open pulled him out, alerting him that Ricky had woken up.

He didn't want to go, but he was curious. Come alone, that was written on the letter. He would never think he would be hesitant to see family. Ricky came into the living area, already dressed, surprised to see the commander, “Oh, hey commander!” He said cheerily, opening the fridge to grab his protein shake and open it, “What are you doing up?” He asked, crossing the room to sit on the couch by the commander.

The commander shrugged, “Eh, I don't know,” he said, shrugging again before looking to Ricky, “after your run can you wake everyone up? I need to have a team meeting.” He said, finding a resolve.

Ricky's brows pulled together, but he chugged the rest of his drink and went on his run, seeming to want to beat his personal record because he went very fast.

The commander picked up the note, reading it again. It wasn't his parents inviting him, it was his grandfather, Grandpa Jake. He really needed his friends’ advice on this, he could do a lot of things, but he hadn't thought about his blood family in years and this blindsided him.

Soon, too soon for the commander's liking, Ricky came back and woke everyone up, corralling everyone into the living area. Eaglebones was grumpy, the commander didn't blame him, “What was so important to wake up at Six o'clock in the morning?” He mumbled, rubbing his face to get the sleep out of his eyes.

“Guys, sit down, I,” he couldn't believe he was doing this, “I need you guys’ help with something.” the four nodded, “What do you need, commander?” Jimmy asked, sitting next to him.

“I need… family advice.” He handed Jimmy the letter, who positioned himself for everyone to read it, “Dear Christian?” Ricky said, looking at the commander, who ducked his head, “That’s my real name.” He muttered under his breath, embarrassed.

Three broke into giggles while Jimmy hushed them and turned back to the commander, still reading, “I really miss you and I know that your parents do, I'm going to visit Elyse and Jason in a few days, I want you to come, see you you know, see how you've been doing. Don't bring your friends, maybe keep them nearby in case things go south and you know. Well, hope to see you there, love, Grandpa Jake.” He finished, glancing back at the commander, “Do you wanna go? Where do your parents live?” Jimmy asked him in rapid succession.

The commander held his hands up, trying to stop Jimmy's rapid fire, “Woah woah woah, yes I do want to go, they only live thirty minutes from here.” He stopped for a second before saying, “I think it was Grandpa who delivered it.” He looked up at his standing friends, crash and Ricky shared expressions of confused concern, “Do you want to?” Jimmy asked again, waiting for the commander's answer.

The commander actually had to think about that for a moment. Did he want to go? He knew he had to go alone, take off the costume and just become… Christian Jacobs. Normal, regular, twenty seven year old Christian Jacobs, “Don't family things usually go like suuuuuuper wrong?” Ricky asked, “Like with eaglebones' brother?”

The commander nearly laughed, something he needed just then, “I'm pretty sure my family is not as dangerous as his.” The commander thought for a second, his reckless behavior taking over, “I'm going.” he said, standing up, “I need street clothes.” He went back to the bunk room, “Bones can I borrow your backpack?” He asked, rummaging through his locker, throwing the two pairs of normal pants and four shirts onto Crash's bunk.

The four stood there, glancing at their leader, “Uh, are you sure?” Jimmy asked hesitantly. The commander nodded, “Yeah, I mean, what's the worst that can happen, and you guys would get a few days off so that's something.” Eaglebones handed the commander his backpack, “Thank you.” He said, shoving his clothes and pj's into the bag, “Alright,” he stood, “let's drive.”

Chapter Text

The drive down south to his old neighborhood was one full of the normal conversation, though everyone was still sad that the commander was leaving, but they didn't act on it, “Now, I'm just gonna be gone for a week, probably not even, you guys will be okay. Crash is in charge.” Jimmy held up his hand as he parked in the driveway of the Jacobs’ home, “I don't think that's such a good idea.” He said, but the commander wasn't paying attention, staring at the house in front of them the lights on in the living room, a beacon in the dark.

He wrung his hands together, glancing through the windshield at the suburban home, such a normal sight that it brought him back. Your band will never make anything of itself, words echoed through his head, “I'm gonna bring some of our tapes, show them, oh and the Polaroid book.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and dashed down the hall to the living area, the others following.

The commander was throwing a few of the tapes that they had recorded into his borrowed pack, tightening the straps again, the worn, leather bound book under his arm, “Well, bye guys.” He said awkwardly.

It was only awkward for about a second before all four dashed forward as a unit, gathering the commander into a big hug, “Don't worry! I'll keep everyone safe!” Crash exclaimed, squeezing the commander so hard that he could barely breathe, but he didn't mind.

The hug lasted a while before the commander had turned blue in the face from lack of breathing, “Bye guys!” He breathed, pack slung over his shoulder, waving as he left.

He took a deep breath as he walked up the stone way, clenching his hands together. Too soon, he was standing in front of the door, hand hovering over the knocker.

Before he could even bring his knuckles down, the door opened. His mother, Elyse, stared at him, about a head shorter than him now, wearing a huge smile on her face, “Christian!” She exclaimed, not knowing if she should hug him or not.

Then his father slipped out of the door, a lanky man, his face slightly aloof and stiff. Then a honk came from the battletram. The commander turned to see his friends, minus Jimmy, excitedly waving outside the bubble, he saw Crash had tears streaming down his face, “Bye Commander!” Ricky shouted, leaning so far that he nearly fell out of the bubble. Eaglebones pulled him back, laughing as he did, “We'll see you next week!” he called out as the battletram rocketed out of the driveway and down to the end of the street.

The commander laughed, shaking his head as he looked back to his family. His parents had stepped aside, letting him in. It seemed like the air was sucked from the room, his siblings, minus Janelle, his eldest sister, were sitting on the floral print couch that hadn't changed in the nine years he had been gone.

Taking a deep breath, he plastered on his grin, “Hi guys!” He said, sitting down next to his younger brother, Alex. Awkward silence again before it was broken by his youngest sister, Mia, “Christian, do you hate us?”

The commander felt his stomach drop, “What!? No! Why would you think that?” He asked, looking at his parents, his father was rubbing the back of his neck.

“Because dad sai-”

“Now now now, Mia, there's nothing he needs to hear, let's just catch up until your grandpa comes over.” Jayson said, laughing nervously as he sat down on the arm chair, putting his leg up onto his knee, staring the commander in the face.

That stare made the commander sink back into the soft couch, like it had when he was younger. When he had said his band would never get off the ground, that he'd end up crawling back to them. The commander put on his kooky grin, “You guys first, I wanna know what happened here.” He said, glancing at his siblings.

Jayson looked like he was about to say something accusatory, but Elyse cut him off, “Everyone's been great!” She exclaimed loudly, sending Jayson a glare, “Mia's in 4th grade now and Janelle is driving.” The commander gave a wow, beaming, his black tooth showing.

Jayson had to make a remark about it, “Still have that tooth eh? Still think it gives you confidence?” The commander puffed out his chest, “Yeah, oh, I have pictures.” He pulled the book out from under his arm, putting it on the coffee table, opening the first page.

The title page was filled with everyone's signatures and doodles, several colors of paint splattered onto the yellowed page. The first picture was one from a random gig they had played, everyone smiling, instruments raised in victory and happiness.

“Maybe we should wait for the other two,” Elyse said, closing the leather cover. This was the most awkward the commander had felt in a while, more awkward than that time that he accidentally walked in on one of his friends showering at the Professor's house… and then consequently smacking the wall.

Saved by the bell, he thought as the door opened, Janelle and Grandpa Jake walked in, “Sorry, we got lost.” Janelle said with a smile before stopping dead in her tracks, looking like she had seen a ghost. The commander realized that she might not have known that he was coming.

He just gave her his grin and patted the seat next to him, “Come on, we're about to look through some pictures.” He beamed to a bewildered looking Janelle.

Grandpa Jake was grinning, crossing the room to peer at the album. Janelle was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, glancing between the commander and her father before moving mechanically and sitting on the floor by the coffee table.

The commander opened the book and was immediately met with one of the first concerts they had done, when the band was still a huge fifteen piece, green rash guards tight on sweaty bodies, smiling. The commander chuckled because he remembered that day, “You know, I remember this day because when we got out to the van, the tire was flat and we, for our lives, could not figure out how to change it.” he said through a laugh, glancing back at his family.

You could cut the awkwardness with a knife, it filled every crevice and nook in the room. The commander seethed in a breath, but flipped the page, finding the next picture was one that of Ricky in a Taylor Swift shirt, the commander looked confused, “I do not remember this,” he said, skimming past it to their most recent escapade, a run in with a rogue robot army and a Professor that was extremely panicked because that was not supposed to happen.

They had gotten a bit beaten up and scuffy, but everyone looked weary but happy. The commander was about to jump into an excited ramble, but his dad cut him off, “You can't act like nothing happened, you left when you were eighteen. You abandoned us.” The words hung heavy in the air.

It was silent for about three seconds before Grandpa Jake chimed in, “Come on Jayson, he's here now, that's all that should matter. Let the past be the past.” He said, resting a hand on the commander's shoulder.

Jayson crossed his arms and opened his mouth to argue, but Elyse cut him off, “Well I think it's time for dinner, we're having take out.” she squeezed Jayson on the shoulder and got up, “Who wants to come with me?”

Janelle and Mia went, leaving just the boys.

Again, awkward silence before Grandpa Jake broke it again, “We should go on a fishing trip,” he said, sliding onto the couch next to Alex, “Just all of us, restore relationship.” The commander thought that was a great idea, but the other two looked apprehensive, “I don't know Grandpa, it seems like a bad idea. What if we get lost?” Alex pointed out.

The commander pointed to his forearm, “Tracker, if we get lost and survive in the woods for long enough, my friends will find us.” He said, much to the odd glances from his family, “The amount of times we've been lost has made it so it would be a good idea to have them.”

The three stared at him, which made him shrink a bit uncharacteristically. He was about to say something when Alex spoke up, “I think it'd be fun. Maybe on Sunday.” He said, glancing at the commander, who beamed.

Jayson grumbled an okay before grabbing a magazine from the coffee table as the others looked through the photo album.

Maybe this week wouldn't be so bad.

Chapter Text

The commander laid low in his own childhood room, the space had been converted into a study, so he slept on a blow up mattress in the middle of the floor, the vinyl surface being uncomfortable under his back, the blanket was soft though, but it felt…weird.

Almost like it didn't have the same quality as the blanket he had on the battletram. Sure, this blanket was probably higher quality than that one, as this one was probably bought at HomeGoods instead of Walmart, but it just didn't have the essence of the one he had on the battletram.

He didn't know what it was, he just felt like it was…not home. Whatever, he thought, pushing off the air mattress and sitting up, noticing the clothes on the foot of the bed, a neatly folded square of denim on the top, a clean white note on top.

Something told him that the note was going to be passive aggressive.

Sure enough, the note read in his mother's looping handwriting, “change out of that get up, it's embarrassing :)” the smiley face killed him, like a hit.

Smiley faces and doodles that were left of notes by his friends were always from a nice note. A “can you please not eat my yogurt, I need the calcium :)” with a little doodle of a guitar or “everyone put your dirty clothes in the bag on the couch, we need to go to Trusty Dusty’s :)” with a small doodle of a thumbs up.

The commander sighed dramatically, but obliged, pulling his pajama shirt over his head and slipping on the dark green t-shirt. It was a brisk autumn day, he could see the bright blue sky out the window, but the nip in the room gave away the chilly outside.

Quickly pushing the jeans over his legs, he jumped up, shoving his feet into his still tied sneakers, he opened the door into the hallway, the smell of bacon wafting up the stairs made his stomach growl. Seems they never stopped doing Sunday breakfast, something the commander was grateful for.

Sometimes they'd do Sunday breakfast on the ‘tram, sometimes Jimmy would make a haphazard breakfast made with whatever they had. Always different, but always had chocolate chip pancakes, a thing that everyone loved, even though Ricky insisted on using protein packed pancake batter, though it didn't taste any different.

The commander took the stairs two at a time, something he'd done since he was a kid, being the first one down besides his parents and Grandpa, “Good morning!” He exclaimed, too chipper for nine in the morning.

His dad and mom smiled, though it looked forced, “Good morning Christian, want some breakfast?” Jayson asked, already handing him a plate of bacon and eggs. His grandfather had a cup of coffee in one hand, a newspaper to his face. It was almost normal, it would be normal if not for the tension that sagged in the air like a trash bag.

The commander didn't care about tension, he was the commander, he worked through tension with the art of winging it. Sure, sometimes people got hurt, but they never stayed mad, usually forgot about it as soon as they were healed.

He scarfed down his food as his younger sibling had filed in, pajamas and bed head, “Ew, Christian, quit being an animal.” Janelle said, nose wrinkling. The commander had learned to not care about comments, especially not from his blood family, so he just smiled, “Morning to you too Janelle.” He raised his mug of orange juice in a mock salute before taking a sip.

The rest of breakfast was spent in the same tension that hadn't lifted since the last night, the only sounds being clinking of forks on dishes and the soft sound of cups being set onto the wood. Of course, the commander was going to do what he did best.

He was gonna try to defuse the situation but actually make it worse. How? Well, he didn't actually mean to make it worse, that's just how it usually went down, “What do you guys wanna do today?” He questioned, forking the last piece of pancake with his utensil and munching on it.

“Oh I don't know, you and my dad are guests, what do you think?” Jayson's tone was light, but the way he gripped onto the spatula he was holding made the commander think he was mad.

At what? Well, the commander had no clue, so he just looked to Grandpa Jake, who shrugged, “We could wander in town? How long has it been since you've been home, Christian?” Jake asked, taking a swig of his black coffee.

“Seven years..?? Nine??” His tone was unsure, it had actually been a long time since he'd even thought of his real home.

Real home. The words didn't match the scene, but it was the truth. His real home was this place with people he'd forgotten a long time ago, “Too long.” He forced out with his trademarked grin, though it didn't reach his green marble eyes like usual.

In the end, they settled on wandering the mall, like Grandpa Jake had said, looking through the shops. Janelle had a big affinity for the mall, so she was very happy to be there, but the others kept asking questions about what the commander had been doing the past few years.

“We've just been…about? You know? Touring, fighting for justice and just being bestest buddies.” The commander answered his father's question in earnest before laughing at a memory in his brain, “This one time, we found a big egg in the woods,” he broke into a fit of giggles, eliciting looks from the others, “and Jimmy thought the thing that came out of it was his baby.”

To the others, this was just their son's insanity, the kind that had driven him away, “Okay, let's just go.” Jayson said, ushering everyone up. The commander was still intermittently giggling about memories while they drove.

The commander didn't know that his parents and family members thought he was an embarrassment, he might've but he didn't care. That was just how he was, not caring if anyone thought bad about him…well, maybe a little.

But something that his dad had said as they were walking through the food court hit him, “Honestly those creeps you hang out with, still probably just a phase. Just got to break you of it.” It struck him like cold water on an exposed nerve.

“Don't you dare talk about my friends about that!” He exclaimed, a bit too loudly for the echoey space. A few heads turned, but the commander didn't care, “Those are my best friends, I love them.”

Jayson held his hands up in a surrender, “Okay, jeez,” he said before grumbling under his breath, just loud enough for the commander to hear slightly, but not clear enough for him to actually pin him for saying, “Still got you in their holds.”

The commander took a deep breath, counting to ten. He'd remembered hearing a meditation thing that eaglebones had been listening to one night when he thought everyone was asleep, “Inhale four, hold for seven, exhale eight.” Apparently, it was supposed to calm you down.

The commander didn't know why, but he felt like he was going to have to do that a bunch more times that week.

One day down, seven to go.

Chapter Text

The second day went worse than the first, the commander hadn't even been up for three minutes before knowing that it was going to be worse, going to get a drink and take a pee at three am when he heard it. Hushed tones, whispered voices on the other side of the kitchen door.

The commander, being the commander, pressed his ear to the door, only hearing fragments, but what he heard made him feel ten years younger.

“He's an adult Jayson, he can hang out with who he wants.” That was his mom, the always kind one, even if that kindness was stretched thin with his antics.

The commander made sure that he was heard as he entered the kitchen. His parents instantly whirled around on him, his father still having a stressed look on his face more angry than anything, “Hi guys, don't mind me, just getting a drink, can't usually sleep without the sounds of people in the room.”

It was such an innocent thing, but it set Jayson off. An open palm slammed into the wooden table, clattering the spoons in the mugs of tea. The commander, not expecting that, flinched backwards before raising his hands, about to speak when Jayson cut him off.

“Damn it, can you shut the hell up about those people! They're horrible horrible people, why can't you see that!?” He exploded, a vein in his forehead throbbing in time with his heart.

The commander felt his chest go tight, a fierce protective instinct for his friends that usually was accompanied with a villain fight turned to his father, "Don't you dare say anything about them when you don't know them! They're my friends!”

“And we're your family, doesn't that mean anything to you!?” He roared, standing up to meet the commander eye to eye.

A twinge settled in the commander's chest, a feeling from childhood that always accompanied him coming home after gigs, or from being out with some friends very late. The sound of his father's rage, his disappointed anger, threw him back into his younger days, making him shrink backwards, “Well you are, I was just sa-”

“You were just saying that you want to go back with them and leave us alone! Again!”

The commander felt a spasm of guilt in his gut, “No, I'm not saying that I'm just-” he was interrupted again by the door creaking open, the yelling having woken everyone up.

The commander felt hurt simmering in his stomach, the stuff he worked so hard to rid from his mind coming back full force.

He had to leave, he had to go right now.

He shoved up, not actually remembering sitting down, and left out the backdoor. Like he had nine years ago, the cold of autumn hit him in the face, making him chill.

He didn't care that he'd left his clothes, he just had to leave, images from his childhood, of feeling small, flashed through his mind, running in front of his eyes like bugs flying by a lamp.

He sniffed, wiping his hand under his nose and pulling the flannel he'd been sleeping in tighter over himself. He hadn't gone to bed in his pj's because he didn't want his parents to be disappointed. He knew what the others would say about that, “Don't you not care?”

The problem was he did, and he felt so guilty for running. As his brain played back what he'd ran in his haze, he saw his mother's heartbroken face, mouth slightly agape in shock of him leaving again.

He reached the battletram, placing his hand on the cool window, debating whether to unlock the door or not.

He'd promised his grandfather to go fishing with him, and a promise is a promise is a promise! (Something crash had said that became a saying on the battletram when someone was breaking a vow).

Another thought bounced around in his head, the meditation. He had heard eaglebones listening to it a few nights ago again, when they had gotten in another run-in with eagleclaw (dude why can't he just quit it??) and he was still a little shaken up about it because he nearly got killed.

It was the same breathing exercise, or guided meditation or something like that, the commander wasn't listening because he thought it was stupid. He only remembered the count inhale four, hold for seven, exhale for eight.

He followed it in his brain, staring at his manic reflection in the black window of the tram. The rhythmic breathing fogged up the window in the cool autumn night (or morning, the commander wasn't so sure anymore). He thought about his friends.

His friends.

They were inside that door, basically only a few feet away, they would welcome him right back with no animosity, probably hug him and assure him that everything was fine, that it was okay if his parents didn't like him because they all had each other still. He glanced back at the direction he'd just come from.

He'd promised, and he wasn't going to break it.

Pushing away from the car, he strolled back to his parents house, keeping his breathing in that same pattern as he went home.

Four in, hold seven, out eight, repeat.

The autumn night was chilly, but he got home quickly, his parents were still at the table.

His dad crossed his arms, huffy, “Oh you're back,” his tone dripped with disdain.

Feeling like a teenager again, the commander decided all he could really do was puff his chest out and put on his usual commander exuberance, “Yeah, I'm back, I decided that I need to actually stay over, I promised.” He sunk back into his seat at the table, clasping his hands in front of him.

It seemed that Jayson was satisfied with that, leaning back into his seat and wrapping his hands around his mug, “Good, now I think we should all get some sleep, goodnight Christian.”

The commander smiled, but it was more to keep the peace than anything, he hadn't wanted another round of yelling to break out.

Slipping out of the kitchen, the commander quickly made his way back to the room he was staying, immediately feeling a well of anxiety pit up in him. He was starting to wish that he had just hopped onto the battletram, missing his helmet and goggles and mask and just going back to the warm environment that his friends gave him.

He was actually genuinely starting to miss them, he was starting to miss the whir that Jimmy made every time he moved, starting to miss just playing video games with Crash (he really only played with Crash because he knew he could beat him), he missed the sound of eaglebones’ practiced fingers playing anything on the steel strings of his beloved guitar.

Heck! He would settle to hear Ricky tell him that sugar is bad for him if it meant hearing his voice.

With a huff, the commander kicked his boots off and yanked back his covers, burrowing under like a little kid that's scared of a monster under his bed.

Something just resounded deep within his bones with a tone that was a scream and a whisper at the same time. He wanted to go home…

…But he was home…right?