Chapter Text
“Are you sure this dress doesn’t make me look fat?”
Luigi looked over his shoulder in the mirror as Princess Peach zipped him up from behind.
“Of course not, you look fabulous! Bowser won’t suspect a thing,” Peach responded reassuringly.
Mario stood in the corner, crossing his arms. “I just don’t see how this is a good idea. What if he gets caught?”
Luigi gulped. Bowser was well known for his ruthlessness and lack of mercy. The only one he had a soft spot for was Peach. If he found out that Peach was Luigi in disguise, who knows what he would do with him?
Peach shook her head. “Luigi only has to distract Bowser long enough to lower his defenses so that we can sneak in and take the Invincibility Star before he uses it. Trust me, I’ve been clashing with Bowser long before you twins came to Mushroom Kingdom. He’s an idiot.”
Mario huffed. “Then let me take Luigi’s place! I’ve taken down Bowser, I can do it again!”
“Mario, you look nothing like me. Also you HATE Bowser. There’s no way you’ll be able to pretend you’re head over heels for him,” Peach said, rolling her eyes.
Mario sighed. Luigi could see the frustration in his eyes. Mario had always been the one to protect Luigi, so it would make sense that he was worried about Luigi doing this on his own. Luigi smiled softly.
“Don’t worry, big bro. I’ll be fine. I can take care of myself, you know,” he said to Mario.
Mario seemed to fight with himself before finally saying, “Alright. But the second things go south, you call me.”
“Agreed,” Luigi nodded.
Peach then put a blonde wig on his head, adjusting it so that it matched hers.
“Perfect,” she said, smiling. “Take a look!” She turned Luigi so that he faced the mirror.
“Wow,” he said, stunned, taking in his appearance. He then looked at his face and frowned. “What about my mustache? Isn’t that a dead giveaway?”
Peach held up a white face mask, grinning. “This should do the trick!”
Luigi took the mask, still frowning. “What if he asks me to take it off?”
“Just say you have a cold!” Peach replied.
Luigi put the face mask on, then turned to her and Mario. “Well?” he asked nervously.
Peach squealed and clapped her hands together, while Mario stared in disbelief.
“Wow…you really do look like her,” Mario said in shock.
“Don’t go falling in love with me now,” Luigi teased, winking at Mario.
Mario shoved him. “As if!”
Peach laughed, then handed a white bag to Luigi, her face turning serious. “In this bag is a button, Luigi. If Bowser starts threatening you or you feel like you’re in danger, press it and I will send out my soldiers to come get you.”
“Oh, like a panic button,” Luigi said, looking inside the purse at the button.
“Exactly,” Peach said.
Mario frowned. “I don’t get why we can’t just storm in there and grab the star in the first place?”
“Bowser may be dumb, but he knows how to lead an army. We need someone to distract him so that the army isn’t deployed, or else we’ll never be able to get in,” Peach reasoned. She then smiled mischievously. “Besides, isn’t the saying to make love, not war?”
Luigi blinked. Making love to Bowser sounded like a horror show waiting to happen. He felt a slight warmth creep to his face. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that. It wouldn’t, right?
Mario thankfully didn’t notice Luigi’s inner turmoil, and he just smiled slightly at Peach’s joke, worry still in his eyes. “Fine, but Luigi, you press that button the second you feel like you’re in danger, okay?”
“Okay,” Luigi said. “You can count on me!”
“Alright then,” Peach said. “Now here’s the plan…”
Several hour later, Luigi found himself standing alone in a courtyard. According to Peach, Bowser’s minions were always looking to ambush Peach, especially when she was alone. He pretended to look at the flowers, brushing his gloved hand softly against them. Suddenly, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Luigi breathed a deep sigh. Here it comes. Two dry bones leaped out of the bush, throwing a net on top of him. He shrieked, half pretending and half out of true fear, and the dry bones made a rattling sound to each other which Luigi figured could only mean, “We got her!” They then dragged him into a small airship and flew off into the distance.
_____
Bowser paced the room of his castle. It had been five days since he had sent out his soldiers to kidnap Princess Peach, but they had yet to come back. All of his attempts had either failed or been interrupted by that annoying Mario and his sidekick brother. They always ruined everything. Suddenly, he heard a whirring come from outside. That could only mean his soldiers had returned.
“They better not be empty-handed, or I’ll throw them into the lava pit,” Bowser muttered to himself, stomping out the door.
To his surprise, the dry bones were not empty-handed. They tossed a large mass out of the ship and onto the ground. It groaned.
We have captured the Princess, sire, one of the dry bones rattled.
The other one pulled the net off of her, and Bowser grinned menacingly. It was most definitely the Princess after all. She stumbled to her feet, slowly looking up at Bowser, her eyes wide in fear. Bowser looked at her face and frowned.
“What’s with the mask?” he asked in confusion.
The dry bones looked at each other and shrugged. One went to pull it off, and Princess Peach shrieked, shouting “No! I mean, um, I have a cold! If you take my mask off, you’ll all get sick.”
Bowser stared. Her voice sounded different. Must be the cold, he thought to himself.
“Princess!” he said enthusiastically. “Thank you for entering my humble abode.”
The princess did not seem impressed, though there was still fear in her eyes. “I mean, you kidnapped me,” she said in a flat tone.
Bowser chuckled. “I prefer to call it ‘inviting without the option to say no.’”
Peach didn’t say anything, so Bowser continued, “Would you like to join me for dinner, dearest?”
“Is that also an invitation I can’t say no to?” Peach responded in what Bowser thought could only be a playful tone.
“Yes,” Bowser said with a grin.
“Then yes,” Peach responded, looking Bowser in the eyes.
Bowser felt something stir inside him. Peach had only ever looked at him with pure hatred, but this look was different. Maybe Peach was finally coming around! He knew kidnapping her was the right choice.
_____
Luigi was bouncing his leg as he sat at the large dining table. So far, the plan seemed to be working. Bowser had fallen for the disguise and now wanted to have dinner with him. So why did he feel so nervous?
He looked around. There were several chairs at the table, but strangely enough, many of them were high chairs. Maybe the dry bones and other koopas ate with Bowser? There was a cascading waterfall of lava on one wall, which was terrifying, but Luigi thought it also looked kind of cool. The ceiling was very high up, probably so the flying ones could come in and out. Bowser was surprisingly accommodating for someone like him.
Then the door slammed opened, and Bowser entered, wearing a bow tie. Luigi chuckled to himself at how ridiculous he looked. But he couldn’t talk, he was wearing a princess dress and a wig.
“Hello, Princess,” he said, bowing.
“Hello, Bowser,” Luigi said in what he hoped was a feminine voice. “Thank you for inviting me to dinner.”
“Of course! It would be my honor,” Bowser said.
“What’s for dinner? I’m starving,” Luigi said, which wasn’t a lie. Mario liked to joke that he had a bottomless pit of a stomach, because he was always hungry.
“What would you like to eat?”
Oh. Luigi froze. What does Peach usually eat? Yes, she was human like him and Mario, but she wasn’t from Brooklyn! It wasn’t like he could say pasta, because he was pretty sure pasta didn’t exist in this world. Then another problem hit him: how was he supposed to eat without taking his mask off? Luigi felt himself panicking. He had already been quiet for too long, and Bowser was bound to notice in any second! Then he came up with an idea.
“Do you have any soups? With my cold and all, it would help me greatly.”
Bowser didn’t waste time, instantly clapping his hands, and Kamek appeared.
“Yes, your majesty?”
“Get my beautiful Princess a mushroom soup and get me my usual,” Bowser ordered.
“Right away, your majesty,” Kamek responded, before waving his hand, and two dishes appeared on the table. “I hope everything is to your taste,” he addressed Luigi, who simply nodded and said, “Thank you.”
Right before Kamek disappeared, however, Luigi remembered why he chose the soup in the first place, and stuttered “O-oh yeah! And, um, can I please get a straw?”
Kamek said nothing, waving his hand one more time, and a straw appeared next to Luigi’s bowl. Thank goodness. Kamek disappeared, and Luigi happily stuck his straw in his soup, stirring it slightly. He then slipped the straw under his mask and sipped it. Luigi’s eyes widened. The soup was delicious! It was almost as good as his mother’s pasta! Luigi smiled underneath his mask, sipping more of the soup. He then looked up to find Bowser staring at him. How long has he—?
Bowser noticed Luigi noticing him and he cleared his throat in embarrassment. “The soup’s good, I take it?”
“It’s delicious,” Luigi said in an appreciative tone. “Thank you.”
“Of course!” Bowser said proudly. “Anything for you, my love.”
Luigi flinched slightly at “my love” but thankfully Bowser didn’t notice. Luigi had never been loved by anyone romantically, and now that he and Mario were living in Mushroom Kingdom he was sure he never will. It wasn’t that there weren’t any other princesses in the magical universe, it was just that Luigi wasn’t interested in princesses. He silently sipped more of his soup, sighing softly. He then looked back up at Bowser, then at what Bowser was eating. It looked like meatballs almost, except the meatballs were glowing red as if they were set on fire.
“What are you eating?” he asked curiously.
Bowser grinned. “Lava stones. They’re a delicacy out here. Want to try one?”
Luigi shook his head. “I’m pretty sure that would set my mouth on fire.”
“I can think of other ways to set your mouth on fire,” Bowser said in a low voice, almost to the point that Luigi didn’t hear it.
Unfortunately for Luigi, he did hear it, and he choked on his soup, coughing and sputtering until he got it out of his system.
“Sorry,” he said eventually. “Swallowed wrong.”
Bowser stared at him, then chuckled. “It’s okay.” He then tossed a lava stone in his mouth with a crunch.
Luigi felt his face grow hot in embarrassment. It hadn’t even been a few hours and he’d already made a fool of himself. How was he supposed to pull this off for several days?
“You’re acting different.”
Luigi felt his heart drop into his stomach. Oh god. He knows. He gathered up his voice to say, “W-what do you mean?”
Bowser stared at him thoughtfully, saying, “You’re not as resistant to me as you usually are.”
Luigi panicked and said the first thing he could think of. “I just don’t feel like resisting you as much anymore.”
Bowser’s eyes lit up, and Luigi instantly felt bad. “You mean you’re giving me a chance?”
Luigi was hating every minute of this conversation, but he kept up the charade. “Yes. I’d like to get to know you more, if that’s okay.”
Bowser looked like he was about to explode with joy. “Absolutely! And then you’ll become my queen?”
“We’ll see,” Luigi said, trying not to throw up.
Bowser grinned widely. Then he clapped again and Kamek appeared. “Kamek, show Peach to her room.”
“Right away, sire,” Kamek said, bowing. He then turned to Luigi. “Follow me, your highness.”
Luigi picked up his dress and tried to follow Kamek without tripping over his heels.
Kamek led him to a large room that was decorated in pink, from pink walls to a bed with pink sheets. Bowser clearly had been planning this for a while. It was almost touching that he had thought of Peach’s favorite color when decorating her room. Luigi nodded thank you to Kamek, who disappeared into thin air. He then sat down on the bed and sighed. What a day.
Luigi laid back on the soft pillows, sinking into them slowly. Hopefully things would go smoothly tomorrow as well. As of now, Peach’s plan was working.