Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Storm. 

Yeah, just another stormy day. 

The leaks were making noises for every water drop that fell from those holes into buckets. It was like 5 in total. The first rainy day they almost drowned. 

The apartment’s heating was so weak that you could feel the cold getting into your bones like a person giving you a hard beating. 

Seungkwan didn't like the creepy ass sounds the floor made when he walked from the small kitchen to the even smaller apartment with a cup of hot tea in his hands and he will never get used to the harsh sounds of thunder and lightning that sounded even more petrifying with the kind of walls that his home had. 

Vernon closed his laptop, the Wi-Fi got even worse when it rained, so he couldn't work on his music right now and well, we weren't even that inspired with the cold making him shiver. 

But, oh, when Seungkwan entered the room, both of them smiled like they were in a mansion. 

“I made you some tea”. The blonde said, getting into the bed and giving his boyfriend the cup of tea. “It might help you out to get some inspiration for your song”. 

“It's okay, the Wi-Fi didn't help me anyway”. Vernon said, taking the cup of tea to warm his hands and taking a sip of it. “Thanks, though, it's delicious”. 

Seungkwan smiled proudly and got into his sheets, Vernon took another sip and put the cup in his nightstand, just to get into the sheets with his boyfriend. 

“The tea it's gonna get cold”. Seungkwan said, but his body still received the arms of his boyfriend, covering his body like an extra blanket. 

“I'll warm it up later”. Vernon responded. “I want to warm you up now”. 

Seungkwan smiled and closed his eyes, resting his head in his boyfriend's chest, breathing deep and feeling way better being on Vernon's arms, even more protected when another lighting made a whole harsh sound and Vernon hugged him tightly. 

It was like when they were just teenagers. 

Every time Seungkwan got scared for a movie, for a person, for a situation, Vernon was there to hug him by his waist, from behind, from his back… It didn't matter the kind of hug, Vernon's arms were always there. 

They have been friends since their mothers were friends, we're pregnant and they were in both of their bellies. They have been a couple since high school, when casually they came out of the closet at the same time, Vernon as bisexual and Seungkwan as gay. 

And they were together even now, when their families gave them their backs because they decided they wanted to be a school teacher and a singer and music producer and they are living alone in a questionable apartment, with part-time jobs, chasing their dreams since they were out of high school. 

Seungkwan finished school, Hansol didn't. 

Hansol’s family didn't accept the fact that he was throwing his future to be a songwriter. 

Seungkwan’s family didn't accept the fact that he was throwing his future away to be with someone that for them got no future at all. 

So they ran away. 

And even when they had a small home, food, they earned some money at least to live, Seungkwan was finishing a course related to teaching, Vernon was doing his best to get into the music industry… It wasn't the life they wanted. 

But they had each other . 

On cold days the overthinking was even more. Even more for Vernon. 

“Someday… Someday I will be so famous that people will cry about every single letter I put on my lyrics”. Vernon said, taking his boyfriend’s hand to kiss the back of it. “But every single letter in my lyrics will be dedicated to you”. 

Seungkwan giggled, he looked at his boyfriend with a soft smile and Vernon felt like he wanted to give the world to him. 

“And I will be a millionaire”. Vernon continues. “I will give you the life you deserve, the life I always dream to give to you”. 

Seungkwan rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “You already sound like a melancholic singer,” he says, poking Vernon’s cheek lightly.

Vernon grins. “A very handsome one.”

“Debatable,” Seungkwan teases, but his eyes are soft, full of quiet affection and a lot of pure love. “But if you become a millionaire, I expect weekly spa dates. And matching rings. Maybe even a house with a view, close to the gorgeous school I will be working on.”

Vernon laughs. “Deal. But the rings come first.” He said, taking the hand that was in his to lay it down in his chest, making Seungkwan feel the heartbeat inside him. 

“It's a deal then”.

Chapter Text

Seungkwan smiled at the customer that left a couple of wons into the tip jar and once the cafeteria was empty, he breathed heavily, letting all of the air leave his lungs. 

He was tired. 

“Hey, hyung, why don't you go home? I can do this alone”. Chan said, getting the last cups that some customers left in one of the tables. 

Seungkwan thought about it for a bit but he shook his head. He knew his friend was even more tired than him because of the university. 

“No, it's okay, Channie, I will clean the tables and sweep the floor, you can start with the plates”. 

“If we do everything together, it will take us in both things, let me help you with that”. 

Seungkwan smiled and took off his apron, appreciating having Chan as his work mate. 

They start by closing the cafe. Both of them took the night shift because it paid a little bit more than the day one and both got classes in the morning, so it was perfect for them. 

Seungkwan took the broom, so Chan began to swipe the tables to clean them. 

“How's everything with Vernon these days?” Chan asked. 

“All good, still working on his music. Actually, he asked me how you were going too”. 

“Yeah? I wish I could go visit you, guys, but you know…”

“No worries, Channie, I know how hard you are working for that degree”. 

“And my parents wont let me breathe”. Chan replied. “They don't like it for me to go anywhere but from college to my house to study and then for college again”. 

“I assume they don't like you to be working, uh?”

“At all”. Chan sighed. “The thing it's that they don't like to buy me extra stuff like… the ones that you need to live, like food, clothes, they pay for my college, supplies and all that, but I want other things that it's so hard to get from them”. Chan smiled. “I bought a new computer and when I want to go out with my friends or my girlfriend I use my own money”.

“It's good that you work hard for the things you want, Channie, don't let your parents ruin that for you”. 

“Thanks, hyung”. Chan answered. “I love my parents, but they just don't understand that you don't live to work, you work to live”. 

Seungkwan sighed. “Parents, uh?”

Chan stopped what he was saying. 

“Oh… Sorry, hyung”. 

“No, it's okay, Chan, no worries”.

“No, really, I didn't—”

“Chan”. Seungkwan smiled. “It's really okay, we can talk about parents, I don't care”. 

Chan nodded, but he could see the look on his friend's face. 

It was sad . 

The silence became a little awkward, so Chan decided to put on some music for Seungkwan to distract a little bit while they both finished their work. 

Even when Seungkwan loved to sing while he was working, right now his mind was in another place. 

It was a difficult day for him. 

That same morning he remembered it was the birthday of one of his sisters. He wished the best to her through a phone call, but he was feeling sick from home. He missed those days when he was loved by his parents and they celebrated these kinds of days with a little private party that included his boyfriend and some of his friends that he left on Jeju. 

He missed those days when he was out shopping with his mom or he was visiting his father in the school he was a director of.

He missed the days where their parents loved his boyfriend and accepted them as a couple and celebrated their love. 

He missed the days when he didn't have to worry about the rent raising or not making enough money to cover all the bills of the month and had to look for financial help. 

He missed the future he could have. Being like Chan and studying whatever he wants with the help of his parents… even though he never had that future in his hands, he misses it sometimes. 

And the worst thing it's that he felt so guilty missing those things because Vernon was trying his best to give him the life they always dream of and Vernon tried many times to this by himself to not drag Seungkwan into this anxiety of not knowing the future even when he was Vernon's muse for his music. 

But he decided to follow up his own dream: being with Vernon no matter what. 

“Hyung?”

Seungkwan raised his head from Chan's voice that was calling him. Chan smiled at something and when Seungkwan followed what his co-worker was seeing, he smiled too. 

“Are you guys closed?” Vernon was standing in the front of the kitchen with his hands on his back, looking at them with a shy smile. 

“Hey”. Seungkwan wiped his hands from the soapy water on his pants, getting closer to Vernon. “What are you doing here?”

Vernon smiled and pecked softly at his lips. “Just wanted to…” He got his hands out of his back, revealing a small, white rose. “You know, give you a surprise”. 

“Well, you surprised me, babe”. Seungkwan said, amused by the tiny rose. He smiled and hugged his boyfriend. “Thank you so much”.

Vernon felt happy by the way his boy looked at his gift, he looked at Chan and waved at the boy. 

“Hey, Chan”. 

“Hi, hyung!”

And when Vernon got closer to Chan and they gave each other a side hug, starting with the music and dance talk, Seungkwan looked at them with a smile, then looked at his rose once again, feeling his heart warm. 

And then he thought about it. 

Yes, missing what he had it's painful, but he couldn't even imagine how horrible it would be to miss Vernon. 

“So, it's okay if I stole your co-worker today a little bit early?” Vernon said, getting closer to Seungkwan. 

“No, love, we…” Seungkwan didn't want to leave the rest of the work to his friend, but Chan interrupted him. 

“It's okay, hyung, we are about to finish, I can do it on my own, go and enjoy your night”. 

Seungkwan pouts. 

“Thanks, Channie”. 

And yeah, maybe Seungkwan didn't have the same life from a couple years ago, but even in these moments he could find the sweetness in these kinds of acts. 

Vernon wait for him until Seungkwan changed his uniform and get into his normal clothes and when they get out of the store, Vernon stopped by a motorcycle in the street. Seungkwan frowned. 

“Where..?”

“Coups hyung lost a bet and he had to lend me his baby for a week”. Vernon said with a smile. 

“I don't believe you”. Seungkwan laughed. “I don't think Jeonghan it's gonna be so happy about it”. 

“Well, it's not gonna kill him to take the bus for once in his life instead of letting his fiancé drag his ass all over Seoul”.

Vernon go on the top of the motorcycle and Seungkwan had to admire how his boyfriend was looking so hot on that. Vernon hands him one of the helmets that was on the handles of the vehicle and laughed at Seungkwan’s face. 

“Are you gonna stay there just getting horny with me on this?”

Seungkwan turned red as a tomato. Taking the helmet in a very aggressive way, scoffing his boyfriend. 

“You are such an idiot”. 

“Might be, but you love it”. 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes. “Whatever, big guy, just start driving. And be careful, Chwe Hansol!”

“I am always careful”. Vernon put on the other helmet. He turned on the motorcycle and without even advising Seungkwan, he started running it really fast, making his boyfriend hiss and hug him tightly. 

“Vernon!”

The American boy let a laugh slip out of his mouth and lowered down the velocity. 

Seungkwan snorted in annoyance, but he wouldn't lie to himself, he loved that feeling of adrenaline and happiness he was feeling there with Vernon.

He just loved his life with Vernon. 

He loved Vernon. 

Chapter Text

Weekend. 

Maybe those days were a rest for everybody. 

But not for Seungkwan and Vernon. 

They used weekends to work on what they wanted outside their jobs. 

Vernon worked on his music. Sending all his folders of all the work he has done to different music composers his friends recommended to him and the video of his solo audition to different entertainment companies. 

Seungkwan studied hard. He was doing a fairly small course of pedagogy for kids but that will be the start of his future career because that was the minimum education level he was asked for to start working at a nursery close to their home. The course was in the very last weeks and Seungkwan was excited to know the feedback his tutor will give him. 

And they were home. Together. That was a big plus to enjoy those kinds of moments, to share the hope for a better future together. 

Seungkwan, in the middle of his lecture, raised his head and looked at his boyfriend, who had his headphones in maximum volume as always. Vernon felt his eyes on him, so he removed his headphones and looked at his boy. 

“Yes, babe?”

“Your birthday”. Seungkwan said suddenly. “Your birthday it's in two weeks”. 

Seungkwan’s birthday was just a couple days ago. It was a Wednesday, so they didn't have the time to invite their friends and have something, but Vernon made sure his boy enjoyed his special day from the beginning till the end. Breakfast in bed, he took him to classes, escaped from his own work for an hour to take Seungkwan to lunch and in the night, he took Seungkwan to a romantic dinner at his friend's restaurant. 

For his birthday, Seungkwan received a couple of gifts, but they song specially made for that day from his boyfriend and the beautiful necklace with a tangerine were the best one of everything. 

And because he felt so loved, he wanted to do the same for his boyfriend and knew this year Vernon's birthday will be on a Friday, so he had to do something for that date. 

“Oh… yeah, you are right”. Vernon said while he thought about it. “I was about to say that you don't have to do anything for me that day, but I think a wall would listen to me more than you about it”. 

“I'm glad you are aware of that”. Seungkwan said, taking his things to move it to the side of the bed, stretching his body, deciding on taking a small break. 

He flopped down beside Vernon with a quiet sigh, resting his head on the other’s shoulder. Seungkwan continued talking. “Besides, it’s not just a birthday. It’s your birthday. That makes it a national holiday in this house”. 

Vernon chuckled, tilting his head slightly to rest against Seungkwan’s. “That’s dramatic”. 

“Only a little”. Seungkwan said with a smile. “You know I like making up excuses to celebrate you”. 

Vernon fell quiet for a moment, his fingers absentmindedly tracing small shapes on Seungkwan’s arm. “Still feels weird. Growing older. Being here”. 

“But you are here”. Seungkwan said softly. “You are here with me . And that matters more than anything”. 

Vernon hummed, the sound low in his chest. “Do you think we’ll still be here next year? In this room. In this life.”

Seungkwan didn’t answer right away. He looked at the ceiling, then at the soft lines of Vernon’s face, a little but tired, but glowing gently in the warmth of the lamp beside the bed. “I don’t know…” he said finally. “I want to say no. I really want to say no, the future is uncertain and even if my hopes are big for us, I don't want to say that in a year it will be different, you know?”

Vernon nodded. “I know”. They stayed quiet for a bit, but Vernon kept going. “But, in a year, are you going to continue loving me?”

“That's something that I can totally say «yes» to”. Seungkwan said, looking at his boyfriend with eyes full of love. 

Vernon smiled, got his boyfriend closer to him to give him a soft and long kiss. “That’s enough for me”. He whispered.

They continued kissing, Vernon got his arms around Seungkwan’s thick waist and got him on the top of his lap after moving his laptop to the side. Seungkwan loved to be in that position because it made the kisses feel more deep and just adored the way Vernon always wrapped him around like someone will take Seungkwan out of his arms. 

The kiss got intimate, got a little bit desperate and as always, full of love. Vernon took his hands from his waist to Seungkwan’s back, caressing his skin under the hoodie the boy was wearing. Meanwhile, Seungkwan rested one of his hands on Vernon's shoulder, while the other one was making his way to his boyfriend's hair. 

Vernon was about to grab Seungkwan’s ass, but his phone started ringing. The younger sighed and he tried to ignore it by starting kissing his boyfriend's neck, but Seungkwan, that could see the screen of his boyfriend phone placed on the nightstand, notice that who was calling was Choi Seungcheol, Vernon's friend that was helping him to get his music released. 

“Babe…”

“Let it sound”. Vernon said, making Seungkwan shiver by whispering on his neck. 

Seungkwan giggles and separates them, making Vernon pout. 

“Love, is S.Coups hyung, get that or I will”. 

Vernon sighed and let Seungkwan get out of the top of him, to stand up from the bed and take his phone. 

“Hyung, this might be good, I just got my boyfriend out of my lap”. 

Seungkwan blushed really hard. “Ya! Chwe Hansol! Do not say that to hyung! Do you wanna die?!”

Vernon laughed really hard and got out of the room, leaving Seungkwan alone with a blush and a shy smile. He laughed and got back to the place he was.

He was about to start doing his homework again, but he decided to start doing a list for Vernon's birthday party. 

-Ask to Wonwoo hyung and Mingyu hyung if we can do the party at their place. 

-Gift idea: new headphones? 

-Invite: Minghao, Jun, Chan, Jeonghan, S.Coups.

-Check if his workmates are available for that date. 

-Cook something good? (Idk how to cook)  

-Ask Sofia if she can come too. 

-Gift idea: give him back some of his hoodie lol

-Check on his playlists to have the music he likes

ilovehimsomuch:(

Seungkwan smiled when he wrote the last one and when he felt his boyfriend coming back, he got the list between his paperwork and as soon as Hansol was in the bedroom again, he felt disappointment in his whole body. 

“What happened, my love?”

“S.Coups hyung was selected by Hybe Entertainment…”

“Oh my God! That's so..!” Seungkwan stopped his excitement. “They… They select them over you, right?”

Hansol sighed with sadness and sat down in the corner of the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and letting his face to be hidden between his hands. 

Seungkwan hurried up to hug him from his back. 

“Baby, I am so sorry”. 

“I had high hopes on that one, Kwan”. Seungkwan wanted to die when he felt that his boyfriend's voice was almost broken. “I really thought this was the one”.

“I am glad for Coups hyung, but it's their loss and you know it”. Seungkwan said while he rubbed the back of his boyfriend, leaning towards his shoulder. “Nothing compares to your music”. 

“But if it's so amazing… Why do I never get picked..?”

Seungkwan didn't know how to response to that. So instead, he stayed close. He let the silence stretch between them, warm and aching, like a wound they both knew how to live with.

“I don’t know the answer to that”. he said finally, his voice barely recognizable, almost like a soft whisper. “What I do know it's that getting picked by them… or not… it doesn’t define what your music is. Or who you are. Or how talented your soul can be when we talk about music”. 

Vernon blinked, but didn’t say anything. His eyes stayed fixed on the wall, glassy with the weight of losing another opportunity.

Seungkwan reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers. “You don’t need them to be who you are. I know that sounds so cheesy and a little bit ironic because I understand that we need the money, but I mean it, my love… You’ve built something real, even if they can’t see it and I haven't meet someone with a passion like yours”. 

Vernon squeezed his hand, just slightly. “I’m tired, Kwannie”. 

“I know, darling”. 

“I’m scared I’ll stay invisible forever”. 

Seungkwan leaned closer, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. “Then I’ll keep seeing you until the rest of the world catches up”. 

And even when he felt the hopes being crushed down one more time, he was there, the person he loved the most in the world and the person who made him feel like he already had the world in his hands. 

Vernon didn't say anything, he just got a little bit closer to Seungkwan and his boyfriend didn't hesitate on being the one who wrapped his arms around the other this time, rubbing his back with comfort. 

At least he had Seungkwan. 

Chapter Text

“And what are you doing today?” Soonyoung asked Hansol while they were organizing the new collection of rock CD’s the store received today. 

Vernon had a small job at the music store that his friend Soonyoung worked on. When he had to do some inventory for a new order of CD’s and albums, he called Hansol and paid him a portion of what he earned of the day to help his friend and well, Hansol loved to be around music the most he could. 

It was February 18th and he was free for his main job as a cashier because his boss was really nice and gave him the day off and paid because of his birthday. 

But his boyfriend wasn't free until afternoon because of his classes and his friends had jobs also on weekends so he didn't want to be alone. Soonyoung called him and he couldn't say no to that. 

“Seungkwan had some plans for me tonight, it's a surprise, but I don't have any idea what he's up to”. The younger one said with a smile. 

“My goal in this life it's to have what you have with that boy”. 

“Keep wishing that, hyung”. Vernon responded with a dumb smile on his face while he finished his side of the inventory. “What we have it's because my boyfriend it's the most amazing person in the world”.

“Ew, gays”. 

“As if you weren't as gay as we are together, the detail it's that you are single”. Vernon laughed when Hoshi gave him the middle finger. 

They stayed in silence while Vernon helped Soonyoung with his side of the inventory, but the older one talked a minute later. 

“So… how are you feeling?”

“About what?”

“Well, Jeonghan told us about the spot in Hybe and…”

Vernon got frozen for a second and swallowed dryly. “Yeah… That”. 

Soonyoung sat beside him, sensing the shift in the air. “You really thought this was it, huh? That's why it's beating you up this hard”

“I did… And it is”. Vernon’s voice was quiet. “I thought I finally got it right this time. They were so excited about the samples I sent them, I even had a third audition, hyung”. 

“They didn’t even give feedback after all that shir?” Soonyoung asked. 

“Just the usual. «Not what we’re looking for right now» and all that crap”. He shook his head, jaw tight for the frustration. “No explanation. Just a clean «no» hours after Seungcheol hyung told me he got the spot”. 

“That sucks, man”. 

“Yeah. I keep thinking maybe it was the music. Or maybe I’m not what they want. Or maybe…” Vernon hesitated. “Maybe I’m not meant to get there even if I really, really wanted to have this chance”. 

Soonyoung looked at him for a moment. “Don’t do that. Don’t shrink yourself because one door didn’t open”. 

“It’s not one door, hyung”. Vernon said. “It’s been every door, every chance I have the same fucking destiny”. 

Soonyoung reached out, squeezing his shoulder. “Then maybe you’re meant to build your own”. 

Hansol gave him a sad laugh. “Like I didn't try that”. The younger one let out a breath. “I really try to be a little bit more positive because I know my music it's good, I know I am good and I try to have my hopes high for Seungkwan too but…”

“Life sucks, that's all”. Soonyoung says. “Life sucks that hard, but that's what makes the good things that we finally got even better, because of the hard work and all that you had to do to get to that point”.

“That's so tacky even coming from you, hyung”. 

“Ya! Respect me a little bit, I am trying to give you comfort”. 

Vernon laughed and nodded. 

“You did it, no worries”. 

After that talk, Vernon felt a little bit better. His hyung did his best to distract him from the whole Hybe thing and he gave him as a birthday gift some of the CD’s Vernon was looking for a couple months ago. 

When he left the store, he received a text from Seungkwan saying that their date will be at Mingyu’s restaurant. Vernon was about to answer but an email came through to his business email. 

He frowned. 

It was from Hybe. 

Subject: Congratulations — HYBE Artist Trainee Program Offer

Dear Hansol Vernon Chwe,

We are pleased to inform you that after careful evaluation of your audition and application, you have been selected to join the HYBE Artist Trainee Program for the position of rapper and dancer as a soloist .

Your passion, unique artistry, and potential stood out to our team, and we believe you have what it takes to grow into a world-class performer under our guidance.

We kindly request that you visit our Seoul headquarters as soon as possible to proceed with the contract signing and initial onboarding process. Please reply to this email with your availability, and we will schedule a time accordingly.

Congratulations again, Vernon. We look forward to building a future together.

Warm regards,

Trainee Recruitment Team

HYBE Labels

[email protected]

Vernon's heart stopped for a moment. 

What was going on? Did another spot get free and they got him on a waiting list? 

He had to review the email a couple of times just to make sure that was real. It was from the same email address that he had been communicating from the beginning. 

His hands started shaking and the first person that came to his mind was his beloved boyfriend.

Should he say that to him or should he surprise him?

The email was sent a couple minutes ago, but the Hybe headquarters was two hours away and it will probably be closed by then. He couldn't believe it. 

With his shaky hands, he called the second person that should know this. 

He called his hyung and he answered after two tones. 

“ Hey, Vern, happy birth- ”

Vernon interrupted him immediately. 

“Hyung! I'm in! I'm in!”

“ What? You got in where? ”

“Hybe! They email me! I got the soloist chance, hyung!”

“ Oh, Vern… ”

“We are gonna work so well together, hyung, this is gonna be amazing!”

Vernon didn't receive any answer. He heard some whispers in the other line and immediately he knew something was wrong. 

“Hyung?”

“ Hansol, I… I am so sorry, I should have told you as soon as it happened, God… ”

“Hyung, you are scaring me, what happened?”

Silence. 

“Hyung..?”

Vernon was in the middle of the street, almost in the night, with his heart pounding on his chest like he was about to be shot in his face. 

“ Vernon, I didn't get the work ”. 

“What? What do you mean? They hired you a couple weeks ago”. 

“ I said no ”.

“What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me that? Wait, they are giving me the spot that was supposed to be for you? Why did you say no?”

A small sight. “ They asked me if I was in a relationship or married or something and when I told them that I was engaged, they told me… ” A pause. Vernon felt like he was about to throw up. “ ...Vern, they told me they have a no dating policy. You cannot enter Hybe if you have a partner. They do some exceptions for straight couples that are married, but not for gay couples, they are kinda homophobic on that, but if you are not married yet and you want to enter you have to say goodbye either the chance to be a trainee… or to your partner ”. 

And he felt like he wanted to die right there. 

Chapter Text

“Mingyu, how you can be so good damn fucking big and being afraid of balloons?!” Jeonghan said to Mingyu while he got a balloon closer to the younger one making him squeeze afraid. 

“Yoon Jeonghan! Stop!” He said, almost at the edge of crying. 

Jeonghan let out a devilish laugh. 

“Cry baby”. 

Mingyu hidden on Wonwoo’s back. “Hyung! Tell him to stop!”

Wonwoo laughed and hug him. “He might be a cry baby, but he is my cry baby, leave him alone”. 

Even when Wonwoo hugged him, Mingyu pouted. 

“Thanks?”

“Can you please stop joking around? He might be here soon”. Seungkwan said while he was finishing the big decoration of “Happy birthday” on one of the walls of his friend's living room. Jihoon was on the other side, on a chair, helping his friend to get the decoration stuck in the wall. 

Seungkwan was really proud of his work and he knew his boyfriend really loved it. 

The blonde guy had traded shifts three times that week, slipping little white lies about errands and family plans just to free up Vernon’s birthday.

He had been planning this for weeks and it wasn’t just him.

Mingyu and Wonwoo had offered their apartment, the cozy space right above Mingyu’s restaurant, perfect for hiding the surprise. They even helped him pick the decorations and food, Wonwoo making sure everything matched while Mingyu bargained for the best prices with a smile.

Chan tested the lights and sound system twice that Woozi brought and Woozi helped him review the Playlist Seungkwan made for Vernon; soft and warm but with style and chill, just like Vernon liked and just like Vernon was.

Jun and Minghao spent the afternoon hanging streamers and blowing up balloons, laughing when half of them popped, making Mingyu shiver and get scared.

Even S.Coups showed up early to help with chairs and snacks, handing Seungkwan a coffee without a word, just a pat on the back, so warm by Seungkwan’s gesture for his friend.

Soonyoung was the last one to came, because he was with Hansol that same afternoon, but he got on his way as soon as Vernon leave the store and he got earlier than Seungkwan’s boyfriend in some way. 

By the time everything was in place, the apartment glowed in amber and gold. A sunflower centerpiece sat in the middle of the table with the rest of the gifts, and the cake, ordered specially by Jeonghan, rested beneath the decoration that Woozi and Seungkwan just adjusted in the wall.

Seungkwan took a step back, breath caught in his throat. Vernon had no idea what was waiting for him upstairs.

He received a text from his boyfriend, saying that he was about to get into the restaurant. “Oh! He's here!” Seungkwan said with a smile. “I will tell him to come upstairs with the excuse of saying hi to Mingyu and Wonwoo, I will tell him to just come in and when he opens the door, we all scream surprise , okay?”

All of the guys understood the instructions and they turned off the lights. 

Just a couple minutes after that, they felt how the door was getting open and Vernon's silhouette was visible inside the home, all of Vernon and Seungkwan’s friend jumped in, screaming a clear “Surprise!” at the door. 

Vernon was clearly surprised, even when he was never scared at jumpscares or screams like his boyfriend, he looked very shocked about it. 

“Happy birthday, love of my life!” Seungkwan was the first one to get closer to Hansol. 

And then, Hansol broke down in tears. 

Seungkwan got scared for a moment and he was about to react but his boyfriend took him by the waist and hug him tightly, burying his face into Seungkwan’s neck and starting crying there. 

“Oh, baby”. Seungkwan said. “It's everything okay, my love?”

Vernon just got the hug even tight, shocking his head. 

“Are you… sure?” Seungkwan hugged him back. 

Vernon nodded and got a little space between him and his boyfriend to look Seungkwan to his eyes. “Thanks, Kwanie, I… I really needed this, you know?”

Seungkwan smiled, a little bit less concerned and got his hand on Vernon's earlobe, giving a small squeeze there like he always does to calm Vernon. 

“You deserved it”.

Vernon let out a sob and hugged him again. 

He didn't know how to continue that night but he knew one thing… He wasn't going to say anything to Seungkwan.

Chapter Text

It was almost 12 p.m.

It was almost the end of his birthday. 

It was the worst day of his life. 

Vernon didn't let Seungkwan go away from his arms at any moment, like there was somebody waiting for him outside to take him away from his life forever. 

Seungkwan blame the alcohol for a moment but he knew his boyfriend so bad that he knew something was happening, but it was Vernon's birthday so he wouldn't ruin this and will ask about that in the morning. 

“Where are you going?” Vernon asked, hugging him tightly, voiding that Seungkwan stand up from the blue sofa on the living room from Mingyu and Wonwoo. 

Seungkwan laughed. “Darling, first of all, you should stop the drinks now”. Vernon snorted in annoyance. “And second of all, I'm going to the bathroom”. Seungkwan kissed Vernon's face cutely. “I'll be right back, love”. 

“Let him breathe!” Soonyoung said while he was walking to his friend's kitchen. 

“Fuck off, hyung” Was Vernon response while he was letting Seungkwan get of the couch. “I'll be right here”. 

“Pretty sure you will”. Seungkwan said laughing. 

And after he said that, Seungkwan disappeared. Vernon sighed for a moment and stood up, just enough to have a couple of steps until he was in the kitchen to grab another beer even when his boyfriend told him to stop. 

“Everything okay, Vern?” 

Vernon was definitely drunk because he never startled when someone talks to him without announcing themselves. 

Vernon turned around. 

It was S.Coups. 

“You already knew the answer to that”. 

“Are you really saying no?”

Vernon’s voice is a little slurred, he's still looking for a new beer. “Yeah. I will”. 

S.Coups looks at him, jaw tight for frustration. “Vernon, this isn’t a fucking joke. You got in”. 

“I know”. Vernon says, laughing bitterly. “And I will say no. Simple”. 

“Why?”

“You know why. You were there too”. 

S.Coups runs a hand through his hair. 

“Look, I get it. I get it. But you worked for this. You bled for this. You think he wants you to throw it away?”

“I don’t care”. Vernon says, voice sharper. “I’m not leaving him”.

There's a pause. Seungcheol lowers his voice. “If he finds out you say no to Hybe, he's gonna be so mad and he’s gonna make you accept the job”.

“And how's gonna tell him? You?” Vernon rolled his eyes, now with a bottle in his hands, looking for the bottle opener. “If you do that, hyung, I swear to God that our friendship is over”. 

“Don’t turn this into a tragedy, Vernon. You have a choice. You just made the wrong one”. 

Vernon’s eyes narrow. “Don’t talk like you don't know what this is”. 

“I don't, come one, tell me”. Seungcheol said, crossing his arms on his chest. 

“You lose the opportunity too because you wouldn't leave Jeonghan and I'm an idiot because I wouldn't leave my boyfriend either?”

“There's a huge difference there”. 

“Oh? And why it's that, hyung?” Vernon said, looking mad at Seungcheol. 

“Because I'm engaged”. 

“And you think I've been dating Seungkwan since a couple months ago?” Vernon didn't get that mad easily, but this conversation was assuming something about his relationship that didn't like him at all. “We've been together almost a fucking decade and just because I haven't put a ring on him it's not the same?”

“Vernon, listen to me…”

“No, hyung, you don't understand”. Vernon snaps. “Seungkwan is not just someone I’m dating. He is… he is it. He is the one. He is the reason I kept going. If I lose him, then what the hell am I doing all this for?”

There’s silence. Heavy, thick. Cheol exhales through his nose. “Then I hope he’s still there when it falls apart”. 

Vernon doesn't answer. He just starts drinking once again. 

And again. 

And again. 

And he remembers kissing his boyfriend. Dancing with him, singing with him. He remembers Seungkwan also drunk saying to him how much he loved him and he responding that he loved him even more. 

And then he drinks again. 

Until it's morning again and his head hurts as fuck and he wakes up in his apartment because for some reason he came back with his boyfriend and he doesn't remember how the night ended and now he is in his bed… alone.

He can barely stand up, so he just sits up on the edge of the bed and rubs his eyes with both hands. 

“Seungkwan?”

He calls his boyfriend, but there's no response. 

He stands up and he feels like he's about to throw up… But no exactly for the hangover. 

Seungkwan’s things are gone. 

Their bedroom is half empty. 

He runs to the closet. Seungkwan’s clothes are gone too. 

“Seungkwan? Seungkwan?!” He calls the name of his boyfriend one more time. Even if his head hurts when he raise his voice, he keeps calling on Seungkwan. 

But there's no answer. 

Silence. Cold and disturbing silence. 

Vernon almost ran out of his apartment, the living room is almost the same but he can feel that Seungkwan’s presence it's not there anymore. He's about to look for his phone but there's a paper in the bar of the kitchen. He went there and took the paper. 

Is a letter.

hansol,

i wasn’t supposed to hear it. but i did.

and i think… maybe it was the only way i would’ve ever known.

you were going to let it all go. for me.

and even if you didn’t tell me, i understand why and you don't know how much i feel loved for the fact that you choose me above everything, even the thing that you wanted to have the most.

you love quietly. deeply. in ways i sometimes forget to notice but this? this will live in my heart until the last day of my life.

but you don’t have to choose me over the dream you’ve had since before we met.

you were made for stages, for music, for people to feel something when they hear your voice, even when they will never love you in the way i will always love you. 

you were made for more, and i always knew that. i actually know that more than anybody. 

i’m not leaving because i’m hurt of the fact that you didn't tell me, never think of that okay?

i’m leaving because i love you.

and because love like yours shouldn’t come with limits.

i’ll be cheering for you from far away. i always will.

and if one day, when everything is quieter, our paths cross again…

then maybe that’s how the story was always meant to go.

happy birthday, my sol.

with all my love, 

with all my heart,

will all of me that will always belong to you… 

— boo

Vernon's eyes were filled with tears that were running down his cheeks. 

He turned the paper around and he looked at a small list that probably wrote down a couple months ago but he knew the end was written when he wrote the letter because the ink was different and that even hurt more. 

-Ask to Wonwoo hyung and Mingyu hyung if we can do the party at their place. 

-Gift idea: new headphones? 

-Invite: Minghao, Jun, Chan, Jeonghan, S.Coups.

-Check if his workmates are available for that date. 

-Cook something good? (Idk how to cook) 

-Ask Sofia if she can come too. 

-Gift idea: give him back some of his hoodie lol

-Check on his playlists to have the music he likes

ilovehimsomuch:(

-final gift: make him follow his dreams

And next to the letter it was a box. Hansol opened, still shaking and with teary eyes. 

It was an in-ear monitor earphone. The ones that Vernon always wanted to have for his first time on stage but never thought of having one until he signed a contract. 

It was an in-ear with a small tangerine on it. 

Vernon took it, he dropped himself on the floor and start crying because maybe he have the chance to follow how dreams but not with the person he wanted to share them with.

Chapter Text

The lights were blinding. The kind that made everything around him blur, but Vernon had memorized the steps. He knew exactly how many to take before his feet were at the center of the stage.

The crowd roared, and he smiled because he had to, because it was real, because it was everything he had ever wanted.

It was his fucking dream after years and years. 

His album had his first win after one week of release. The win came faster than anyone expected. His name was on everyone's lips, his voice on every speaker. Vernon, the new face of something big.

An amazing rapper. A great dancer. A visual. He was chill, not mysterious but no one knew too much about him. He was a regular guy like your co-worker, your friend from school, your neighbor but with talent and passion for music that made him what he was right now. 

And yet, under the flood of sound and light and love, there was silence.

He touched the in-ear monitor gently… the one with the little tangerine. It was his support item and at the same time the reminder of something painful. 

He wished, more than anything, that the person who gave it to him was next to him. That he could lock eyes with the only person who truly knew what this moment meant. To kiss him before going on stage and tell him how much he loved him and how every lyric that Vernon was about to sing was only for him. 

But he wasn't there.

So Vernon breathed in, swallowed the ache, and walked forward.

This was his dream.

He just never thought he’d reach it alone.

The moment his foot hit the main platform, the ocean of lights began to sway in rhythm, glowing in the color he had once chosen as his representative color. 

The orange. 

His name echoed through the air, carried by thousands of voices chanting in unison.

It should’ve felt overwhelming. But instead, it was grounding.

His heart raced, not from nerves, but from something deeper. The weight of years, of choices made, of love left behind. He stared out into the sea of faces, none of them familiar, all of them beaming. He bowed instinctively, chest folding toward his knees, as if trying to make himself small enough to carry everything he lost.

And then the screams were even louder. And he lifted his head.

Vernon felt like shining, like everything that he had to do, everything that he lost, everything that he work for was worthy for that moment… with a small exception that he didn't want to think about too much. 

“Hi, guys!” He said with his calm and soft voice. “I want to start saying… thank you so much for being here , guys”. He said once he got in front of the microphone. “I… I’ve dreamed about this moment for so long, and now that it’s real, I don't even know what to say or how to actually realize that this is happening”. 

The crowd started screaming when he smiled a little bit nervously. 

“So, for you to help me realize this is true, let me tell you a little bit of my story…”

And the music started, like his heart was connected with the speakers of the place.

“ I had nights I couldn’t breathe, songs that no one ever heard. Thought the silence would defeat me, buried under every word ”. Vernon closed his eyes while every lyric was coming out of his mouth. “ They said I wouldn't make it, that I wasn’t built to last, but I stitched my name in echoes, now I'm louder than the past ”. 

And the public went crazy while they were starting singing For The Me That Stayed , the first song of his debut album. 

The first song he wrote on the first day in Seoul while he was telling Seungkwan how he wanted to let the people know how hard he worked to be in the place he is right now. 

“ This is for the me that almost quit, for the days I couldn’t feel. Now I sing for every shadow that taught me how to heal ”. It was so overwhelming the fact that all the forum he was singing, every soul in that place, knew the song so well that every person there could see the past that was on Vernon's shoulders.

While the music continue, Vernon let go his voice to get the whole public trapped in his rap like he was some kind a trap for everyone's hearts. 

“I almost let go… but now i’m here and every tear that brought me close to fear made me real, made me brave, made me stand up and say: so here I am and I shine anyway not in spite of all the breaks ”. The music started being lower and lower, letting the voice of Vernon and the echoes of the public the only sound in the big forum. “But because I found my way. I’m not flawless, never claimed… but I’m burning all the same, so here I am and I shine anyway”. 

The music stopped and Vernon let got a soft breath in the microphone seconds before the crowd started applauding and screaming like crazy. 

Vernon smiled and he gave the public a big heart with his hands, making the people scream even harder. 

He smiled again and while wiping the sweat from his face with one of the towels prepared for him and caught his breath, the crowd's roar still buzzing in his ears, his mind drifted back to a time when he doubted if he'd ever make it this far.

The memory hit him like a wave, sudden and strong.

It was a rainy night, and he was in a small. apartment far away from home. The walls were cracked, the floor worn from years of use. He had just received another round of harsh feedback on his vocals, the kind that made him wonder if he was good enough. His body ached from hours of practice and also working, his throat raw, but he couldn’t stop. He wouldn’t stop.

Seungkwan's words echoed in his mind, as they often did during those late nights. 

“ You’re not doing this for anyone else, you’re doing it for you ”. 

Vernon had laughed bitterly at the time. How could he do it for himself when everything felt like it was slipping away? How could he believe in his dreams when it felt like the world was against him?

Now, standing on stage, the lights shining down on him, he couldn't help but smile. His younger self had been so scared, so uncertain. But this was proof that all that struggle, all those lonely nights spent pushing through, had been worth it.

The roar of the crowd brought him back to the present, and he took a deep breath, his heart swelling with pride. He had made it. Not just for the fans, not just for the company, but for himself.

Then why is something missing?

Vernon got the microphone again. He started walking with a smile.

He read the banners his fans got, some of them were funny, some of them were very sweet and then he announced the next song which was a whole performance. 

The thing that attracted the most about Vernon was the fact that he was so versatile on his music that you could be crying about his music, then rocking with him and then dancing.

You couldn't not expect Chwe Hansol to stay in just one genre. 

He performed Fire , Bands Boy , Looped Up with his special guest and really good friend Tobi Lou and before he was about to announce Black Eye he started walking in the scenario a little bit more, not wanting to let any of his fans behind. 

Vernon’s footsteps were light but echoed through the stage, the lights casting a warm glow over the crowd. He could feel his heart pounding against his chest, the nerves and excitement mixing into a pressure that made his head spin even when he was about to finish his concert. He was walking, but something in the air made him feel like he was floating.

As he slowly made his way across the stage, his eyes moved over the crowd, the faces blurry in the dazzling light. Then, through the sea of fans, his eyes locked with a familiar face, a face that had once been his everything. His breath caught in his throat.

There, in one of the sections of the forum, was Seungkwan.

He didn’t know how he could’ve missed him… maybe it was the noise, maybe it was the lights but there he was, standing so close, and yet so far away. Vernon’s chest tightened as the memories rushed back. How many times had he imagined this moment, where he was standing on stage, performing for thousands, but Seungkwan wasn’t by his side?

For a brief moment, everything blurred. The crowd, the lights, the music… everything faded into the background as Vernon’s eyes remained locked on Seungkwan. He could almost hear his voice, the one he missed so much, the voice that had always grounded him. He could feel the weight of the distance between them, the unspoken words that lingered in the air.

But there was no turning back now. The song was still in his veins, and the crowd was still screaming. He couldn’t let himself fall apart here. Not now. Not in front of them.

But at the same time, he couldn't let this chance to show Seungkwan how much he still loved him. 

“I know how many of you are waiting for Black Eye, not gonna lie, I bet even my mom will be mad for this change and yes, my mom is watching my first concert online, isn't that cool?”. He said, making the crowd laugh. 

He melted inside when he saw Seungkwan laugh too. 

“But I want to share this song with you, guys, this song… That I made a couple weeks after I started training to be the idol I am right now. I know that to fulfill a dream, to get where you want to be, you have to lose, risk and sacrifice a lot of things and I…” Vernon's voice broke a little bit that he had to breathe deep. “I never thought that it would hurt that hard. So I want you to have this song for every time you need to remember something you lost because of a dream and you want to remember how much you love that something”. 

He felt some of her fans whipping his eyes, some of them were crying but Seungkwan was looking at him like he already knows that Vernon is aware of his presence. 

“This song is titled… No Matter What ”. 

And suddenly, the rest of the world disappear and Vernon was in that small house once again, singing for Seungkwan while his boyfriend was touching his hair, his back, his face, interrupting for a kiss, for an «I love you». 

Suddenly, it was only the two of them. 

And both felt exactly the same. 

“ I still remember the way you laughed, the late-night talks, we thought they'd last. I never thought I'd stand here alone, but somehow, here I am, on my own ”. Vernon's eyes got teary and his heart felt like home once again. “ Every step I take, I feel you near, even though you're not here, you're always clear in every word, in every song, like the promise I made not a long time ago, I carry you with me, where I belong ”.

Seungkwan smiled. 

He knew Vernon would notice him. 

Even when he got plane tickets to Seoul one day prior to the concert. 

Even when his friends from the school in Jeju he was currently working on were the ones that bought the concert tickets when they discovered that Vernon was Seungkwan’s ex boyfriend. 

Even when he got late into the concert because he knew that it would be a shot in his chest to see Vernon in person again. 

He knew that as soon as he entered the forum, Vernon would know he was there. 

Because Vernon might have thousands of fans right now, but he would always have the place of the first person who saw Vernon.

And now, right there, right in that moment, listening to the voice he heard for so many years made him feel like the emptiness that remains in his heart from the first moment came back to Jeju was worthy. 

He lost the love of his life but that made that the love of his life fulfill his major dream even when he was not included there anymore. 

“ You're in my heart, no matter where we are, even if we're worlds apart, you're my star. I still love you more than words can say, and in my heart, you'll always stay ” 

Both of them had tears running down his eyes. 

Seungkwan placed his hands in his chest and Vernon could notice that so he made the same gesture and Seungkwan swore he could feel Vernon's hands on the top of them while he continued singing. 

“ Every dream I chase, you're in my mind, I wish you knew, you’d always find a place in my world, forever true, no matter what… I’ll always love you ”.

Seungkwan felt even more personal the fact that, because that song was something nobody had ever heard, only the background music and Vernon's voice was the only two sounds everybody could hear in the forum. 

And even when they didn't want that moment to finish… After two more chorus, the song had its bridge. 

“ I know we’re not the same, not anymore, but you’ll forever be the one I adore ”. Vernon touched his ear, giving Seungkwan the clue that he was wearing the in-ear he gave him as a last gift in their lives. “ I’ll carry you in every single breath, loving you is something I’ll never forget ”.

Vernon had to close his eyes for the outro of his song, because the tears were already blurring his vision and he was afraid that when he opened his eyes, Seungkwan wasn't there anymore. 

“ Always in my heart, always in my soul, you’re the piece I’ll never let go . Forever in my heart, you’ll always be …” And when Vernon opened his eyes, Seungkwan was there. “... The love of my life, eternally ”. 

And when the music stopped, the crowd started screaming between tears for the beautiful and sad masterpiece they just heard. 

Seungkwan touched his chest, getting the necklace with the tangerine between his fingers. 

I love you . Seungkwan murmured, knowing that Vernon wouldn't hear him but knowing also that Vernon knew what he meant. 

I love you too . Hansol did the same gesture, knowing that probably his fans will think that he was just being an idol adoring his crowd. 

But Seungkwan knew. 

The public kept applauding. 

Vernon kept his eyes on Seungkwan for a while. 

Seungkwan kept his eyes on Vernon equally. 

And then the lights turn off for a moment. Introducing the last part of the concert, Vernon had to blink a couple of seconds to get on the real life once again and got to the middle of the scenario one more time to take a towel and whip his face, he took a couple of sips of his drink and then came back to the post once again. 

The lights were on again. 

And Seungkwan wasn't there anymore.

Vernon felt his heart beating hard on his chest and he closed his eyes. 

“No matter what…” He whispered to himself. 

And smiled like his heart wasn't empty again.