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“hit me,” the boy mumbled, his cheeks a rosy shade. yeonjun looked up into the other male’s dark eyes, which searched his—looking for answers, almost trying to pick apart his mind.
“are you sure?” soobin asked slowly, already knowing the answer deep down. he curled his fingers, tightening his grip on the fabric of yeonjun’s white t-shirt.
yeonjun’s dark blonde bangs stuck to his forehead; sweat and heat clung to his clothes in the slightly cramped room.
he was sitting on the edge of soobin’s bed, where manga and empty beer bottles, along with cans were strewn across the floor. soobin hadn’t bothered to tidy up before his hyung came over; he didn’t really care, and neither did yeonjun.
“yes, i’m sure—” yeonjun started to say but was cut off by a hard and loud slap to his left cheek.
his head swung at the impact automatically, and he brought his hands up to protect himself, slender fingers curling into small fists, teeth chattering. a shiver ran down his spine.
“bin,” he choked out the nickname, all weak and raspy, caught off guard.
yeonjun blinked up at the younger male above him, whose gaze was set in a stern, slightly curious look.
he liked seeing how docile yeonjun could be, how pliant. how good.
“oh, shut up. that barely hurt you,” soobin said, his lip slightly twitching as he reached out to grab yeonjun’s jaw, digging his thumb into his slightly chubby cheeks. he tilted the boy’s head in a clinical manner, examining him through his eyelashes.
“you look pretty when you’re quiet and when you’re covered in marks,” he murmured, his thumb digging into the skin so hard it left a crescent-shaped mark.
soobin then reached for a half-empty beer bottle on his nightstand and tugged yeonjun closer by the collar of his shirt.
“open your fucking mouth and say ‘ah,’ and maybe i’ll be nicer,” soobin demanded with saccharine eyes as he gripped yeonjun’s jaw and tilted his head back before pouring the drink into his mouth.
“ah—” yeonjun tried to speak as soobin cruelly pressed his thumb down against the blonde’s pouty bottom lip, digging and prying his mouth open, not giving him a choice, allowing him to barely breathe out a word.
coughs broke out from his timid body as soobin poured the drink; tears clung to his eyelashes. yeonjun could only keep his hands on his lap—trying to resist the urge to claw at soobin’s chest like some wounded animal desperate for escape.
drip, drip, drip, went the slightly bitter-tasting beer down his chin, soaking his shirt with small stains.
yeonjun swallowed, even soft coughs wracking his body. after the can was empty, soobin tossed it on the floor and then smiled, almost smugly, before pressing a soft kiss to the top of yeonjun’s forehead.
and that, that made the blonde nearly light up. the tiniest bit of affection after soobin had been so mean seemed worth it. soobin ran his hands through yeonjun’s hair, petting him like he was some sort of cat, just admiring the way yeonjun even closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. it was adorable, so adorable that the other couldn’t resist leaning down and dragging his tongue up the nape of yeonjun’s neck before playfully nipping at his ear.
“hyung, you’re disgusting. all it took was one little kiss, and you’re practically eating out of the palm of my hand. no wonder you’re easy to use,” soobin whispered into his ear and then shoved him back on the bed, hard.
yeonjun’s head hit the headboard slightly with a soft thump, but soobin didn’t care as he climbed on top of the other. the blonde’s heart could only pitter-patter, beating fast and hard like a drum as he was caged in, hair in disarray, cheeks crimson.
“that’s not true,” yeonjun huffed out shakily, swallowing nervously, hands at his sides—because he was being good, still. like it was trained into him. like it was taught to him, because those had been the rules and terms of their agreement: always stay still, don’t fight back.
“oh, yeah? then why do you constantly bitch about people leaving you high and dry after using you? you can’t be that stupid, unless you like being used,” soobin pushed, splaying his palm across yeonjun’s chest.
he dropped his gaze from the boy’s slightly ill-stricken face to where his hand was and then dragged it back up into those slightly teary eyes.
“your heart is racing like crazy, junnie. are you scared of me?” he pressed, his dark stare fixed on yeonjun.
“no,” yeonjun answered slowly, closing his eyes as he tried to will his heart to stop beating so fast, like some scared little rabbit. he couldn’t bear it, couldn’t take looking into those eyes. it felt humiliating, the way he was stared at. soobin looked at him like he was an enthralling puzzle or something he couldn’t wait to tear to pieces.
he couldn’t, in fact, it only beat faster, as if he was excited at the urge of being caught in the lie. yeonjun could never do that, though; he could never lie to soobin. the dark-haired male knew everything about him—his telltales, his dislikes, and all his desires.
“do you think you even deserve love?” soobin asked with a bitter laugh and then gripped yeonjun’s chin once more, which trembled in his grip. “you’re fucking vile and desperate, like some lovesick puppy dog. you come crawling back every single time; you probably fall in love with anyone who is nice to you, huh? am i right? poor little junnie, begging for scraps of love,” he continued.
yeonjun cracked.
he fell apart. it was like a dam opening, his wounds touched and prodded, all his soft spots made to hurt to touch. soobin knew this, knew what would send yeonjun reeling.
sweat dripped down his forehead, and he felt like a feral dog trying to defend itself as he hissed out a “shut up,” denial in his tone. his chin trembled violently.
it couldn’t be true, could it? but was it true? ghosts of people from his past flashed into his head—those who said sweet nothings to him, made him feel so good. like some whirlwind romance where he got swept off his feet, but that was the thing: it was too good. too good to be true.
“soobin,” the blonde croaked out tearfully, a warning, but soobin dug his elbow into yeonjun’s ribs, hard as a warning back.
the blonde sniffled and then wheezed, pressing his lips together and understanding the silent communication: to stay quiet or speak up if he truly felt overwhelmed.
“take off your pants,” soobin sighed out and then ran a hand through his raven-colored hair, his tone bored as if he’d rather be anywhere else. he rolled his eyes and climbed off yeonjun, moving to the side of the bed and reaching for the nightstand drawer.
yeonjun weakly lifted his hips, his eyes nearly glossing over in a form of dissociation as he unzipped his jeans and wriggled out of them along with his briefs. the cold air hit his skin, making him shiver and cup a hand over his bits.
“christ, move your hands, let me see you. i want to see all of you. you’re acting like such a…” soobin’s voice seemed to trail off, in one ear and out the other.
all yeonjun could do was gaze up at him before dragging his eyes to the flickering lamp on the nightstand and slowly dropping his hands to his sides, revealing the slightly average cock that lay limp against his thigh. he wasn’t even hard; he felt sick and cold.
there was the sound of a lid being popped off, and then yeonjun inhaled sharply as rough, wet fingers wrapped around his cock and squeezed.
“turn your head and look at me,” soobin snapped, his breath shaky as he climbed back on top of yeonjun, peering down at him. “before i slap you,” he added as a threat. he wouldn’t actually do it, though, but the blonde-haired male didn’t need to know that.
yeonjun turned his head, dark eyebrows slightly raised. “i’m sorry, binnie,” he slurred out, his tone soft, and then he hiccupped out another apology.
his eyes were wet, and he bit the inside of his cheeks to repress his soft grunts as soobin moved his hand up and down slowly, punishingly, until yeonjun got hard beneath him.
“good, you should be. you’re dirty; you’re lucky i’m even touching you right now,” soobin said slowly, his tone almost monotone, careless. “i’m surprised your ex could even do anything with someone as pathetic as you.”
yeonjun could only lay there and take it, his back arching when soobin tugged in just the right way, making him ache and moan wantonly, his moans high-pitched, whimpers soft and low. it took everything in him not to buck his hips up. he was leaking all over soobin’s hand now, messy and lewd.
“you’re doing such a good job; i’d never leave you,” soobin breathed into yeonjun’s ear, leaning over him and jerking his large hand faster. it practically enveloped yeonjun’s entire cock. “i’ll always be by your side,” he said, launching into an endless stream of praise.
the blonde could only squirm on the bed, bucking his hips up into that tight warm hand like it was some sort of fleshlight. the beer-stained shirt clung to his skin; it felt so hot in the room, it was overwhelming.
“please, i’m close. can i?” yeonjun choked out the question, his bottom lip slightly bruised in the corner.
“mhm,” soobin answered with a soft hum, almost teasingly, as if he had to take the time to make up his mind.
“please?” yeonjun asked again, his voice desperate, begging.
“alright, but finish it yourself, and i don’t want to see your disgusting face, so cover yourself with a pillow,” soobin finally answered with a snort.
the amused male gave yeonjun’s cock one last harsh squeeze and then pulled his hand away, as if repulsed, and smeared his hand on yeonjun’s thighs, his eyes dragging over the faded scars for a minute before he reached for the pillow on the floor and tossed it to yeonjun.
the blonde sighed, as if exhausted, and reached for the pillow with flushed cheeks, pressing it over his flushed face. there was something so much more humiliating about doing this himself; it was one thing if soobin had covered his face, but the fact that he had told yeonjun to do it, as if it was too repulsive of an act.
“hurry up before i change my mind and put a cage on your pathetic cock,” soobin snapped as he watched yeonjun try to balance the white pillow.
“i’m sorry,” came yeonjun’s slightly muffled reply, his red doll-shaped lips turning downwards.
yeonjun then wrapped his free hand around his cock and started moving it up and down quickly, hissing into the pillow as he grunted into it. the friction felt like it was too much.
“ah, fuck,” he whined out, bucking his hips up into his own fist.
his head felt dizzy, and his legs felt like jelly. he wanted this, wanted it so badly that it drove him crazy. soobin’s praise and cruel words bounced around in his head. he was worthless; he was useless. he was good; he was doing such a good job.
soobin watched him, still caging him in with his legs, hovering and peering down at him with a watchful gaze. his own cock was hard, the bulge in his jeans evident, but he ignored it. this wasn’t about him right now.
“ah, soobin, i love you,” yeonjun choked out, like a confession. he leaked desperately over his hand as his cock finally spurted out his release, coming all over his hand.
the pillow was suddenly ripped off of him so abruptly that it made him jump.
yeonjun blinked, as if lost in a daze, still reeling from his high. he felt like he was able to breathe again, inhaling sharply, dizzily.
“don’t say that,” soobin snapped, his tone rough and deadly serious. “this thing doesn’t work if you say that. do you understand, yeonjun?”
it felt like glass was shattering. yeonjun’s body nearly went cold, and he swallowed, nodding his head quickly and frantically like a bobblehead, his eyelashes wet. had he ruined it? ruined them? he hadn’t meant to; it just had happened.
“fuck. i’m so sorry, bin, it slipped out—” he tried to explain himself, his bambi eyes wide and pleading. his hand was sticky as it rested on his leg, covered in his release, which felt cold and foreign all of a sudden.
“i don’t give a shit; i’m not your boyfriend, yeonjun. i’m not your lover. we’re honestly not even fucking friends. we agreed, remember? now, tell me you understand.” soobin pushed back, not backing down, leaning over yeonjun.
the blonde could feel how hard the dark-haired male was, practically pressing up against his leg. yeonjun’s eyes dropped down to soobin’s bulge, and he swallowed nervously, hesitant.
“i understand, soobin. i can get you off too,” he tried to offer, as if that could make up for almost shattering the illusion between the two boys. perhaps if he could apologize in this way, or distract him—anything, something.
“i don’t need your help, jun. i’m alright,” soobin muttered rather bluntly and then let out a soft sigh, climbing off the blonde boy.
yeonjun could only watch, embarrassed, as soobin adjusted himself. he hadn’t even taken off his clothes, still clad in his gray sweatpants and shirt.
soobin scratched at his collarbone, his back turned toward yeonjun as he dug around in his closet, quiet for a few minutes.
“take a shower,” he finally said, turning around.
soobin tossed a band t-shirt at yeonjun’s chest, his eyes almost vacant, like he was staring past the vulnerable blonde. “i need to clean up my room. it’s a mess. what movie do you want to watch after your shower? we never finished zootopia, right?” he asked.
the dark-haired male was carrying on like nothing had happened moments before, walking around the cramped room and tossing empty cans and tissues into a small wastebasket.
“yeah,” yeonjun murmured, “sounds good.”
and that was that.
yeonjun took a cold shower, hearing the sound of the trash bag crinkling every now and then. the blonde was tempted to scratch himself, to punish himself, but he knew soobin would probably end their arrangement if he found out. the older boy could only sigh, watching droplets of soapy water race down his chest.
he thought about how he ruined the moment; he couldn’t even remember the last time soobin had allowed him to take care of him that way.
yeonjun knew soobin didn’t actually find him repulsive or disgusting; he had always provided genuine aftercare after their intense sessions. but sometimes the words that bounced around in his head felt so real and lifelike, like his own demons were parroting back at him through someone he trusted.
there was a knock at the door, and yeonjun snapped out of his thoughts.
there was a soft clatter soon after, and blinking, he looked down. a blade had fallen. had he done that? picked it up unconsciously?
“everything good in there? i got the popcorn ready, junnie. added your favorite seasoning,” soobin’s deep voice came through the closed door.
“yeah,” yeonjun stuttered out as he carefully picked up the blade and attached it back to the razor with slightly trembling fingers. he furrowed his eyebrows, his heart racing, and set it down next to the soap bar gently.
“i’m almost done. be out in a few minutes,” he yelled out, trying to make his voice sound less weak.
yeonjun collected himself and climbed out of the shower, wrapping a towel around himself and then shaking his head like a dog with wet fur. he blinked at himself in the foggy mirror; his cheek still had a slight handprint on it, and he traced over it slowly, his eyes fixated on the redness.
he wondered to himself what thoughts went through soobin’s head when he did that kind of stuff to him, if he really liked it or was just playing a certain role for yeonjun’s sake.
yeonjun didn’t know when he started to crave this stuff; maybe it was after his last relationship, or maybe it was just something that had always been inside of him. he didn’t know.
he dried his hair and then changed into the band t-shirt, an old concert shirt by the looks of it, with faded text on the front. yeonjun adjusted the hem of the shirt before slightly stumbling out of the bathroom. the room had been picked up and was in much better condition now; even the manga had been placed nearly into its rightful spot on the shelf.
soobin was on the bed, scrolling on his phone. the sheets had been replaced, swapped out for new ones.
“you did a good job,” yeonjun said, cracking a small smile as he climbed into the bed.
“shut up, it’s not because of you or anything,” soobin snorted, his eyes still fixated on his phone, probably playing some gacha game.
“mhm, i’m sure.”
the dark-haired male adjusted the pillow behind him with one hand, then set his phone down and reached over to grab the bowl of popcorn on the nightstand.
“here, all yours,” he said, plopping the bowl between them.
yeonjun’s cheeks flushed as he reached out for some popcorn, popping it into his mouth. it was salty, buttery, and slightly peppery thanks to the seasoning, warm against his tongue. he watched as soobin picked up the remote, turned off the lights, and then turned on the television.
“come here, you.”
soobin was sweet now, relaxed and less tense. he tugged yeonjun into his arms after placing the bowl on the other side of the blonde, his eyes playful.
“are you alright? i didn’t go too far, did i?” he asked, then lowered his gaze like a puppy afraid of being scolded, dark hair covering his eyes slightly.
“no, you didn’t,” yeonjun spoke up rather quickly. he didn’t want soobin to feel bad—not for doing what they had agreed upon. it wasn’t his fault if the blonde had mood drops of the sort. “you were perfect.”
soobin gave a dimpled smile and then nudged his nose against yeonjun’s.
“alright,” he said, then turned toward the television. “now, where were we? i think nick was trying to scam somebody.”
the dark-haired male continued to speak absentmindedly, fiddling with the remote, trying to find their spot from where they had last finished. yeonjun could only watch in the darkness, save for the light of the television, longing for soobin’s pouty, kissable lips.
‘maybe next time,’ he thought.
next time might be different.