Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Snow drifted lazily from the sky, dusting the mountains with a pristine, untouched blanket. The air was cold, filled with the earthy scents of pine and the sharp tang of the mountain air. It was quiet, aside from the gentle whispers of wind rustling through the trees and the soft crunch of footsteps as Stan followed his girlfriend to the frozen pond.

Stan already knew what was about to happen, and honestly, he wasn't upset. Maybe because after all this time, after all those break-ups and make-ups, he finally realized that neither of them made each other happy anymore. If they ever did.

In truth, he still wasn't sure what was going on with his feelings anymore.

Wendy had always been the girl of his heart, his crush since childhood...the girl that was the ideal girlfriend when you're young and don't know what you're really looking for. The realization hit him a bit late, he guessed...as it took until now for him to see how empty this whole relationship was. No wonder Wendy had tried so many times to run away from it.

It wasn't that he didn't care about her—she was beautiful and kind and smart and always so considerate...and that made him feel guilty. Guilt, not love. Guilty that he couldn't give her the attention or the feelings she deserved. At first, he thought it was simply a maturity thing, a 'girls being mature faster' kind of stuff. After all, they started dating when they were like...nine?

But now...after so many years, he had to admit there was more to the situation. That maybe the feelings that he thought he had had been more of a childish fantasy than anything grounded in reality. That maybe those feelings never really had the depth that a relationship should have.

After a few more steps, she sat on a nearby bench, patting the empty spot beside her in an unspoken invitation. He joined her, feeling the cool bite of the wood through his pants, and watched his breath create little puffs in the chilly air.

"Stan, I think we need to talk." Wendy finally spoke after a moment of silence, her voice soft but steady and her eyes meeting his in a clear and direct manner.

He nodded slowly, expecting these words. The air was filled with tension, the kind that only comes before a difficult, painful conversation. Yet he wasn't dreading it. In fact, he felt a bit shameful at how he had reacted to the previous breakups, feeling bad for making such a big drama over nothing. It wasn't working and yet, as if clinging to a security blanket he couldn't get rid of, Stan would suddenly panic, rush back in and try again, giving false hope and hurting her all over again.

Maybe he was becoming more mature after all.

"Yeah, I know..." He breathed, finally allowing himself to admit to it.

She paused for a moment before speaking. "I don't think it's healthy for us to keep dancing in circles around each other like this, Stan." Her words carried a weight, a finality that hung in the air between them. "We both know this hasn't been right for a long time."

She seemed somewhat relieved when he nodded, which was fair; the previous times, Stan had usually either tried to divert the subject, change it...anything but this. Anything but facing that truth. Now though, now it felt okay to just...let it go.

"Yeah...I'm sorry for dragging it out, for...not seeing all this before..." He replied, looking away for a moment before continuing. "I just...I was a terrible boyfriend to you, wasn't I?"

Wendy laughed, her voice lightening the tense mood of their conversation. "Yes and no, I guess. It's not your fault that we weren't compatible, it takes two people to fail to understand that." She added with a smile, looking away from him to watch a few leaves falling into the water. "I think we're great friends, but...nothing more than that. At least on the romantic side, you get me? I don't want a boyfriend like you but...I want you to be my friend. Even without the dating part."

Stan felt as if a weight was lifted from his shoulders, a sense of clarity washing over him as he listened to her words. They were true—perhaps painfully so, but they were what he needed to hear, to finally be honest with himself, and with her.

After all, were they even dating or were they just friends pretending to date for...he wasn't even sure why they would even do so, in the first place. But it was the feeling Stan was getting here, that they never really did date. It was a childish illusion that was not only unfair for Wendy but also for himself too. Forcing himself in a role, a mask, that wasn't meant to be, a costume he could barely wear without ripping the seams.

They hadn't even felt the need to try going further than a few kid-level kisses, and neither seemed to care or want more from the other.

He looked up at the sky, the cool autumn breeze swirling around him, and the chill air felt clearer and lighter somehow. He could breathe again, his mind free from the constant worry of what their relationship had become.

"Yeah...friends is...definitely more like it, isn't it?" Stan sighed, letting his body sink into the cold wood beneath him, the hard surface grounding him as the crisp autumn air brushed against his face. "You know...I feel better than I expected." He finally said, after what felt like an eternity.

She glanced back at him, smiling gently, her eyes reflecting the same relief and clarity that he was feeling. "Yeah...you're taking it much better than usual..." Wendy noted, chuckling lightly. A light laugh that held no malice or judgment. "Guess that means we made the right choice."

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, watching as the leaves swirled around the bench before settling gently onto the frost-covered ground. "It's weird, how you can see things so differently at different ages. Like...you think it's the only thing in your life and it's so damn important, and then...when you grow up, you realize how pointless the whole thing was." Stan pondered, trying to express how his perspective on things, and on himself, had evolved.

Wendy stayed silent for a few minutes, seemingly gathering her thoughts before speaking again. "Yeah, maybe. But, hey, we were kids, you know? We didn't really understand what relationships were all about, at least not real ones. I know you weren't trying to be a bad boyfriend, you just...weren't the boyfriend for me." She looked at him again, a genuine understanding in her expression. "It took some time for me to realize that too."

"You still realized it way sooner than I did." Stan admitted, letting out a low chuckle that echoed the slight hint of shame he felt in his voice. "Probably because I'm still a dumb boy."

Her laugh was full and rich this time, as she turned to look back at the frozen pond in front of them. "Don't be silly, I just knew more about what I wanted, I think..." She paused, seeming to consider her words. "When we first started dating, I thought we'd spend more time together, you know? But...it feels like we've spent even less time together. I really liked you, Stan, but...it didn't seem you felt the same. Or you had more important things going on. I felt...left behind. Forgotten, sometimes."

Stan was left silent for a moment, his eyes cast downwards, the crunch of frosty leaves beneath passing footsteps echoing the heaviness that hung in the air between them, the stark truth of Wendy's words causing a painful tightness in his chest.

"Each time we'd get back together, I'd think 'maybe it'll be different this time, maybe he really does love me'. But in the end...nothing really changed." She said with a sigh, a slight quiver in her voice. He couldn't quite see the pain on her face but he was sure it was there, he knew her well enough to tell. "And with time, my feelings just faded. As simple as that."

It took a moment for Stan to speak, his voice heavy with emotions he hadn't acknowledged. "I'm...I'm sorry, Wendy, for...well, everything, you know?" He felt the cold seep into him, the guilt and sorrow gnawing away. "You deserve a guy who really cares about you and who'd treat you the way you should be treated."

Her gaze flickered to him and her hand found his in a comforting squeeze. "Don't beat yourself up. I know you weren't doing it on purpose, Stan. You probably didn't realize yourself, I guess?" Wendy offered, a soft understanding coloring her voice, a kind of forgiveness that went deeper than words could say. She then looked back at the frozen pond, a pensive look in her eyes. "I should've been braver and...cut things off earlier but...it was a bit of a security, I guess? I know that's probably selfish but..."

"Nah, I understand." Stan admitted, letting her words sink in. "It's hard to just let go sometimes. Especially when it's all you've ever known." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "But maybe that's okay too, you know? Maybe that's part of learning what's right for us, what really fits us and...what doesn't."

She smiled at that last part. "True. But I'm glad it's over. That we finally had that talk. I think it's time to move on." Wendy then took a deep breath and stood up from the bench. She glanced down at Stan, who sat in thought for a few seconds before nodding slowly. "You should also think about what you truly want for yourself, Stan. Find your happiness. Don't be afraid to try new things." She advised, her words carrying a gentle push.

"I guess, I...I just don't know anymore..." Stan replied, shrugging his shoulders. "It feels like everything has been moving in one big circle and suddenly, I don't know what's next."

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." She offered encouragingly, a slightly brighter tone coloring her words. He didn't say anything back at that, not sure what he could say. His mind felt blank, and yet at the same time it felt full and running wild. "Maybe...maybe you should pay more attention to the people around you, and the...nature of their presence." She finally added, a bit of hesitation in her voice as though she wasn't sure if she was saying the right thing.

"What...what do you mean?" He asked, looking up at her, confused and curious at the same time.

"Nothing much, really. It's just...sometimes I feel like you...don't allow yourself to see what's right in front of you." She said, her words enigmatic and yet filled with a sense of revelation that stirred in Stan's mind. She shook her head then, deciding to leave things unsaid, as if it wasn't her place to point things out.

She then moved to leave him to his thoughts, but stopped for a moment and turned back. She smiled, a warm and comforting smile that carried the weight of their shared past and the promise of a brighter future.

"I hope I'm still invited to your birthday party, by the way." She added as if it was an afterthought, her tone playful, but Stan could hear the genuine desire behind it—a wish that their friendship would continue, despite the end of their romance.

Stan chuckled at her request, the humor a refreshing change in the somber tone of their conversation. The fact that she would even consider his birthday party after what they just discussed filled him with warmth.

"Of course you are, Wendy." Stan said, his voice carrying the lightheartedness of the moment, trying to make sure she understood the invitation was heartfelt. "Everyone will be there anyway. And honestly...it wouldn't be the same without you."

Wendy nodded, satisfied, and her expression lightened as a weight seemed to lift from her. The autumn breeze played with a few stray locks of her dark hair, giving her a soft and natural look that matched her caring smile. She waved a quick goodbye before she walked away, leaving him to his contemplative solitude.

He watched her retreating back, thinking deeply about her words and their shared history, the sun casting an orange and pink glow over the town as he sat. Stan took a deep breath, his eyes closing, feeling the crisp autumn air fill his lungs with the earthy scents of the season. This time, it was truly over. But it was for the better, for them both.

And that made it all okay, somehow.

Chapter Text

It had now stopped snowing, the sky clearing up and the last rays of sunshine reflecting in a faint glint over the icy pond. Stan leaned forward on the cold bench, elbows on his knees and his chin resting in the cup of his palms, his dark hair ruffling slightly in the cool, late-afternoon breeze that danced with a few dry leaves. He thought about what Wendy said to him—about paying more attention to the people around him, their relationships and the nature of those bonds.

He had no idea what she meant by that. People around him...there was the usual gang; his parents and his sister; school and teachers...his mind wandered from person to person, relationship to relationship, trying to make sense of what she could have implied.

In the end, he was even more confused, unsure of what she saw and why it mattered. Stan sighed, looking up into the sunset-tinted sky. He felt like he was trying to grasp at something just out of his reach, a distant understanding that kept slipping through his fingers every time he came close to grasping it.

The slight pride he had for his newfound maturity felt almost foolish in retrospect. Was he missing something so obvious that he should've figured it out long ago?

He almost wanted to ask her, but something in him hesitated, and maybe, just maybe, he was a little bit too afraid of whatever it could be, to do so. There was comfort in ignorance, a bliss that he couldn't bring himself to disturb, not just yet.

But...there was this itching feeling, the constant whisper of an unknown secret teasing the back of his mind. What did he want for himself? The answer eluded him like a phantom. His entire childhood had been spent believing he wanted Wendy, and that belief had become such a part of his identity, a pillar, that he didn't really know how to think of a future where that wasn't his main focus.

He stood from the cold, damp wood, the bench groaning slightly under his shifting weight. He already stayed there way too long, ruminating on thoughts and memories that now seemed a little distant. It was as though an entire stage of his life had ended, leaving behind only a lingering feeling of absence, a vacant space that he was not sure how to fill, nor with what.

The break-up had been a good thing, he knew this, but...now what? He felt a strange mix of sadness and relief, an odd contradiction that left a knot of unease in his gut.

With a slow, deliberate stride, Stan began walking home, the damp, crunchy sound of leaves beneath his feet filling the air. Above him, the sky quickly began to darken more and more as he walked through the town, a few stars already twinkling overhead.

Once arrived at destination, he didn't bother saying more than a simple "I'm back" and headed to his bedroom, a place that held many nights spent in deep introspection, mulling over his decisions. He sat on his bed in a sort of absent-minded way, not noticing anything, his gaze a bit lost. Wendy's advice lingered in his mind, a persistent echo.

He decided that he really didn't need to think more about what happened today...it was probably useless anyway, he'd likely not find what she was trying to hint to him. So much for maturing. For the moment, he should probably take some time away from any romance. That way, it'll let him concentrate more on school, football practice...and of course, having fun with his best friends.

Yes, that sounded good. No need for further thinking. Just be and let time run its course, see what the future held without forcing things. That was a good plan, Stan felt. After all, he was a teenager, he didn't have to know what he wanted yet, right? Right.

Grabbing his phone on the nightstand, Stan unlocked it. He should at least inform Kyle of the latest break-up with Wendy, he'll likely ask soon anyway if he kept him out of the loop, he mused, a tiny smile pulling the corner of his mouth. Kyle was often the first to notice and ask if one of them seemed under the weather, after all.

And...while Stan wasn't upset, per se, he didn't feel great about the break-up either. It was needed, and he felt better afterwards but...it still was the ending of a big part of his childhood, and...it was a weird feeling.

So he went ahead to message Kyle. "Hey man, you'll never guess." Stan typed out, chuckling to himself as he imagined the way Kyle's brow would furrow, and he would get all curious and stuff, his emerald eyes would always light up so much, he had such an inquiring nature.

"Wendy dumped your ass again?" Came the near instant reply, making Stan snort.

"Yeah, how'd you guess?"

"Cause your ass keeps begging her to take it back."

"Hehe, true, but I didn't."

"No?"

"She said it's finally over for real. She's tired of us doing the whole back-and-forth thing and, honestly, so am I."

"You okay, dude?"

"I guess I'm good, a bit down but not the usual. Feels like it was supposed to happen and we just didn't want to see the truth for what it was."

The next message took some time to pop up, Stan almost thought that Kyle got called by his mom or something and was going to set aside his phone when a longer answer appeared.

"That's pretty mature of you, dude. I gotta admit, I was already dreading your sad texts and trying to convince you to move on. I can't count the times when I wanted to just bash your head in when you were getting all mopey about it."

"Heh, you know, maybe you should've done that. Might've knock some sense back into my head. And, thanks, I'm...surprised at how okay I am with this. I...thought I'd go cry in a corner for like a week or something but, no...I'm...good."

"Damn, is it the same Stan talking to me or did you got abducted or something and an alien took over your body? You're not the same mushy brain of yesterday, dude."

"Okay now fuck off, I can be mature when I want!" Stan snorted, laughing as he read the text from his redhead best friend, imagining the way he would laugh at that.

"Yeah, right. You've got the maturity of a 5 years old sometimes."

"Okay okay I guess that's a little fair."

"Just a little." The reply came with a laughing emoji after it, making him roll his eyes fondly. "Anyway, wanna hang out? Cartman was whining that he's bored."

"Oh yeah I'm all for that. I need something else to think of, to be honest."

"Ah! So you are bummed about the break-up."

"Nooo, I mean, not...not exactly, it's just weird, okay? Like...she's no longer my girlfriend, it's a bit like a new start, right?" He sighed as he typed the last part, trying to explain but feeling like the words fell flat. "It's just...different, that's all, and it's a weird difference. But not in a...a sad way, you know?" He typed faster, feeling a bit foolish about the explanation but also wanting to get his point across clearly.

"Dude."

"What."

"I was just messing with you."

"Oh, okay. Yeah, that's fair."

"Just get ready to leave your ass home, I'll go get you."

"Yeah, thanks dude." Stan chuckled, setting aside his phone after sending a final text to his friend.

A smile lingered on his face, and he felt his heart lighten a little with the prospect of seeing Kyle and the rest of their little band. What would he even do without them? He couldn't even imagine what his life would have been like if they weren't around. Every important event and memory he held dear was linked to those three dorks, for better or for worse. And even when things didn't turn out well, Stan never regretted a second of the wild mess they've been through together.

Standing and stretching slightly, Stan got ready, throwing on some more comfortable clothes. It wasn't explicitly said, but he'd probably sleep at Kyle's or Cartman's tonight, so he packed a small backpack of his own stuff to carry over, not feeling like coming back home to grab anything he might've forgotten.

...How many times had he ditched Wendy, or avoided going to one of their dates, for something the boys wanted to do? Stan didn't even try to remember; the answer was 'a lot'. That was one of Wendy's grievances, he realized—his tendency to choose his best friends, especially Kyle, over her, which probably should have been a sign in and of itself. He just hadn't known how to read it.

Shaking his head, he finished his task, grabbing his jacket, gloves and his hat on his way to leave the room. His mother was in the kitchen and looked at him questioningly. Stan just shrugged, saying he was going over to a friend's, not going further in details. No need to, it was such a common occurrence that it barely mattered at this point who's house it was.

And a few minutes later, he was already walking to Cartman's house alongside Kyle, talking about various topics and joking around. Stan could still hear Wendy's voice in his mind, echoing her words. "Find your happiness", she had said, but where should he even begin?

Stan sighed lightly as Kyle nudged him to catch his attention, asking why he looked so spacey and making sure that he was really alright.

"Yeah, yeah I'm good." He answered with a small laugh, giving his best friend a playful punch in the shoulder. "I was just...I dunno, thinking 'bout Wendy and stuff." He explained briefly, his thoughts going back to the conversation he had earlier today with his now ex. "You know...what if we are all meant to stay single or whatever?"

"Ah, there's the mushy brain I know." Kyle snickered in response.

"Oh, come on." Stan groaned, elbowing him playfully. "I'm just saying...maybe that's not something we're really meant to care about right now."

"Maybe, we've got all life for that." He hummed in agreement, not really looking that bothered by the idea, to Stan's relief. "I dunno, I never thought much 'bout it myself, I never saw anyone in that kinda light anyway."

"Me neither." Stan confessed, his thoughts wandering. After all, Kyle seemed happy enough being single and just enjoying life. They didn't have to be worried about those kinds of things at this stage of life, right?

The sounds of footsteps beside him suddenly stopped at that last sentence, making Stan look at his friend in question, stopping a step further ahead before fully turning around. Kyle was looking at him as if he just grew another arm out of his head.

"What?" He asked, slightly tilting his head, a bit concerned at the expression.

"...You serious?" Kyle sounded genuinely incredulous. "After the whole deal with Wendy, you'll try to pull some crap that you never looked at someone like that?"

"I...uh...yeah?" Stan blinked, not understanding. Kyle rolled his eyes and snorted. "Dude, we were what, like 9 or something, that doesn't count."

"Oh, yes it fucking counts." Kyle shot back. "You don't get to tell me that you weren't into Wendy and didn't see her in a 'romantic way' when we had to deal with your crying ass for like...all those years." He added, giving him an accusing glare at that part.

"I..." He paused, feeling his face start to warm at the pointed glare his best friend was giving him. Kyle wasn't done, though, not even close, Stan knew it from the fire lighting up in his green eyes. There was a passion to him, a way of getting carried away sometimes and it seemed like his little confession was the perfect target to unleash that very side.

"Every time, EVERY DAMN TIME you'd go on a rampage about 'Oh Wendy broke up with me' or 'We’re back together' and all of that, and now, after the whole damn circus, you'll try to tell me that it doesn't count?" Kyle was almost yelling at that point, and people passing by would have probably stopped to stare at the scene if there had been people to do so, but they were alone in the street. "That's the most bullshit answer, oh my God..."

"Aren't you exaggerating a bit here?" Stan asked, his brows furrowing at the clear overreaction he was witnessing.

"No, cause now, after that whole shit, I have to hear you spouting dumb stuff about not ever being into anyone." The other boy snapped, crossing his arms over his chest. "As if you weren't the very one that asked the poor girl out, to begin with, when we were freaking kids."

"I was a kid!" He huffed back. "I didn't know better."

"Of course not." Kyle rolled his eyes, then, finally turned around to start walking again. "Honestly, I feel sorry for her, you went and made her date you when you didn't even like her to begin with." His voice sounded a bit softer, but it was obvious that Kyle was a bit irritated, for whatever the reason. Probably the whining he did all those years. Stan guessed he had been rather insufferable during those moments, yeah...

"I'm sorry about the whining and shit." Stan offered in response to that unspoken accusation. "But...yeah I guess that's all pretty dumb in hindsight."

That was all it took to make his Super Best Friend pause and sigh, rubbing his face, probably regretting blowing up in Stan's face like he had done just earlier. His expression was much softer now, a trace of remorse and apology clear in those bright green irises.

"Nah dude, don't worry about that, I was the one overreacting there. Sorry." Kyle finally admitted. "I shouldn't have snapped at you, you just said something stupid. Not your fault that your mushy brain does that."

"Yeah yeah, laugh at me." Stan snickered back, shoving Kyle a bit, causing the other boy to chuckle. "I know I was stupid, I mean, you're the smart one, not me."

"That I am, dude." The redhead agreed, grinning, before shoving his friend playfully in return. Stan laughed in return and shoved back harder. "Now let's hurry before Cartman whines about us taking forever, fat asshole probably will get on Kenny's nerves and make him ditch our ass to go find some girl to get laid instead."

"Yeah, you're probably right, let's hurry before he starts texting like a maniac." Stan couldn't help but laugh a little, the stress from his earlier musings melting away into easy familiarity as they teased each other, walking towards Cartman's house with the same carefree manner as always. His heart felt lighter, a sense that everything would turn out just fine in the end.

Chapter Text

As soon as both teens stepped inside Cartman's house, they were greeted by the predictable complaining of their friend. Sure, Cartman had gotten more...tame over the years, but...the chubby boy still held onto his personality and, most of the time, that included whining and making a fuss over every little thing. Which could be as infuriating as it was entertaining.

"You took your fucking sweet time." The brown-haired teen scoffed at the two. He was sprawled out on his sofa, in front of a paused video game. "What the fuck were you doing, giving each other a handy behind a trash bin or some shit?"

Kenny was seated on the floor, in a position that showed he was clearly playing along with Cartman before both Kyle and Stan entered the room. He gave a small wave of the controller in the air and rolled his eyes in response to Cartman's words.

"Ah shut up, we didn't take that long." Kyle immediately snapped back as he walked to Cartman, giving the other a swift kick in the thigh to prompt him into sitting up properly. "And move your fat ass off the couch to let others have some space."

"Fuck you, Kahl, it's my fucking house." Cartman retorted, but shifted over anyway with a grunt and a roll of his eyes, giving the redhead just enough space to plop down.

Stan took a seat on the floor near Kenny, who immediately offered him the controller, their shoulders gently brushing against each other. The closeness was a casual, easy gesture that felt as natural as breathing, just as they'd done countless times throughout the years. His dad had often given them weird looks and awkward speeches about 'boys being too old for that'. He had stopped though, as none of them were phased by whatever he was implying.

Stan picked the controller, ready for a round of their game of choice, but his mind was a million miles away. His talk with Wendy still weighed heavily on him, her words and the finality of their decision playing over and over again in his head like a stuck record. It didn't help that he could feel Kenny's weight settling against his side, their thighs and hips pressing against one another. It was distracting in a way, despite how used to it he was.

One of Kyle's hand was gently resting on his shoulder, his thump lightly caressing the fabric as he encouraged him to beat the crap out of the enemies on the screen. And for the first time, he wondered...was this really normal behavior? Were they always this...close, physically? For once in his life, was his dad onto something? He never really given any thought to any of those comments or weird looks before, but now...

The realization that he had never been that close with the girl who was supposed to be his girlfriend dawned on him. It felt odd. But maybe it was just about comfort? He could still remember all the times he had threw up from the stress of simply approaching her. From what he thought was romantic feelings, at the time. Maybe that was all there was to it. She had been making him nervous, while the guys were a comforting presence.

"Are you even trying, dude?" Cartman grunted, poking Stan's back with his foot. "Give back the controller to Kenny if your mushy brain is too fucking slow for this."

"Shut up, I am trying." He huffed back, shifting slightly to push the offending foot away.

Yeah, yeah, that...that was it.

With a new focus, Stan directed his full attention back to the game, intent on getting through the next few levels without further contemplation. Kenny, on his end, didn't seem to mind the proximity. He just leaned further against him, giving some advice now and then on the best moves or weapons to choose. The physical closeness wasn't new per say...the four of them had always been fairly touchy with one another but, now...his mind seemed hyper aware of each contact.

Kyle's hand ended up eventually leaving his shoulder as he quietly headed to the kitchen to refill his water bottle, Cartman shouting at him to bring back more snacks while he was there, earning a few grumbles about his fat ass in return. The sound of the three voices, familiar and comforting, gradually eased some of the weight that hung over Stan's thoughts.

A bag of Cheesy Poofs landed right in Cartman's face as the redhead came back, taking a sip of water. Stan couldn't help the soft snort that left him, while Kenny made a thumbs-up motion to show his appreciation of the throw, only for him to get a slap to the head from the chubby boy.

"You guys are fucking assholes." Cartman muttered, but he couldn't hide the grin on his face. "I hate all of you so much, why are you still friends with me again?" He added, crunching on a handful of the snack.

"We ask ourselves this question every fucking day." Kyle snorted, getting back into the place he had been before.

"You know you fucking love our company, don't deny it." Kenny retorted, giving a playful nudge to the fat teen's knee.

"Keep dreaming, asshole." Cartman rolled his eyes, though there was a playful tone in his voice. The banter continued in good nature, teasing and laughing, the air light and filled with a familiar camaraderie that eased some of Stan's earlier tension.

It was comforting to just enjoy each other's company, not worrying about anything else. Forgetting his thoughts, just focusing on his friends' voices and laughter, the smell of snacks, the taste of sweet soda on his tongue, the weight of the controller in his hands and the sound of explosions and gunshots blasting through the game console.

When they eventually grew bored, Cartman had the (terrible) idea to ask his mother for the karaoke, prompting a groan from the three others. Stan simply decided to play with the cat, while he listened absentmindedly to his friends trying to kill their lungs with off-key songs and shouting lyrics. Kenny always had a great voice (when it wasn't muffled and hard to understand because of the damned hood he still wore half of the time), and even Cartman's had a...certain charm to it, he was forced to admit.

But with the way they were screeching now, it was hard to believe it. The cat purred and rubbed her head against his hand, as if to ask for pets. She was a grey cat named Mr Kitty, much older now, probably around ten years old, Stan figured. Surprisingly, Cartman was very attached to this cat and...he could see why. She was such a cute, loving, and silly furball.

"Come on, Stan, join us, don't stay with the damn cat!" Cartman grumbled, pulling him by the sleeve of his jacket.

"'No Kitty, that's my Stan!' Right?" Kenny snickered, leaning towards the cat to boop her nose.

"I didn't say that!" Cartman snapped back with an embarrassed grunt. "And you're still not allowed anywhere near that cat! You damn drug-addict piece of shit!" The sharper edge to his tone made it clear to Stan that Kenny had hit the nail on the head, and that, as always, Cartman hated to have it pointed out to his face that—yes, he cared and they knew it.

"Dude, it's been years! I'm way over the whole "cheesing" thing. Let it go already." Kenny rolled his eyes and sighed, but there was still an impish gleam in his eyes that made it clear the topic still amused him.

"Huh, once a cheeser, always a cheeser." Cartman scoffed, crossing his arms over his chest, trying and failing to sound as intimidating as he thought he was being. "Look at Kyle's dad."

"Can we not bring up my dad in this conversation?!" Kyle grumbled in exasperation from the sidelines. "Just get back to whatever stupid song you were going to sing."

"Actually I'm just trying to drag your boyfriend's ass with us." Cartman said, his grip still on Stan's sleeve. And usually, the jab at their close friendship was nothing more than that, but for the second time tonight, Stan was caught a bit off guard, unsure about the teasing remark. It was a stupid thing to worry about but...

Was he acting weird with Kyle? But he was his Super Best Friend! And Stan wasn't into guys anyway...right? He wasn't sure of anything anymore, his head felt all fuzzy. If only he hadn't had that stupid conversation with Wendy.

"Yeah, yeah, let go, I'm not a fucking doll." Stan mumbled, pulling his arm free from Cartman's grip and putting the cat down so that she could leave the living room. The chubby teen grinned in satisfaction as Stan joined them, picking the microphone with a resigning sigh.

They all stayed up late, their energy and laughter fueling their night until fatigue started to catch up to them and Cartman called them lazy pussies. Stan, however, felt like his brain wouldn't shut down any time soon, even though he was as tired as the rest of them.

Why did things that used to feel so natural suddenly started to make him question himself so much? Why couldn't guys simply be close and touchy without necessarily being gay? Why couldn't two dudes be best friends and care about each other without being mistaken for a couple? And why, why was he the only one suddenly worrying about those stupid questions?

Maybe he was just...too much into his own head for tonight, and that was all. Nothing wrong was going on, it was a normal evening between them and it shouldn't be different from the many they've already shared before.

With a sigh, Stan closed his eyes, hoping he would eventually doze off from the exhaustion. No such luck, it seemed. He was still well awake when Kyle got up to use the bathroom, and when he came back a few moments later, Stan hadn't managed to catch a single wink of sleep. The redhead flopped back on his side, facing the dark-haired boy as he snuggled in the blanket they both shared.

"Still thinking 'bout Wendy?" Kyle's voice was soft, almost lost in the background of Cartman and Kenny's quiet snores. He didn't seem bothered by the close space, his face merely a couple of inches away from Stan's.

"Not really about her...but...kind of." Stan admitted in the same whisper, shifting slightly under their shared covers to find a more comfortable position.

"Come here, dude." Kyle said, opening his arm a little for Stan. A reassuring invitation. The teen hesitated briefly. When had cuddling with one another become the new norm in their lives? But the urge for that familiar comfort won over his doubts, and he moved to rest his head against the other's chest.

Kyle's arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him into an embrace that carried all the affection their bond could contain. His warmth, so familiar and reassuring, quickly melted Stan's earlier unease away. He hadn't realized just how much he had craved the physical closeness until it surrounded him.

"I knew you'd need me tonight." Kyle whispered, his breath ghosting over the dark locks of hair. "You were tense the whole time."

Stan opened his mouth to say something but closed it. He had to admit, his Super Best Friend wasn't wrong, even if he would probably never know what had really gone on in his head the entire time.

"...Sorry, just a lot in my mind." He muttered back. And really, Kyle probably didn't want to hear him whine and bitch more, not that Stan himself felt like saying more either.

"I bet, man, I bet..." The redhead simply hummed. One of his hands moved up, fingers idly playing with his friend's dark hair, something that had become almost second nature between them. A silent way to calm them both, or show the other they were there for him when words were hard to find. Stan sighed and relaxed at the comforting touch, feeling sleep gradually catching up with him.

For now, the only thing that mattered to Stan was this very moment: the comforting embrace and rhythmic breathing, the warmth of Kyle's arm wrapped around him, and the faint scent that was his alone, all of it eased him into a state of relaxation he desperately craved. He closed his eyes and focused on these sensations, shutting out all his thoughts and worries.

He could always think later. Now...all that really mattered to him was to finally fall asleep with a calm mind.

"Thanks." He whispered, just before sleep claimed him. "You...you're great. I dunno where I'd be if you weren't around..."

Chapter Text

It had been a few days since the break-up and following sleep over, nothing out of the ordinary happening so far, just the same old routine as always...beside a few stray thoughts here and there still lingering in Stan's mind. But he just tried to ignore those for now. After all, what else could he do?

The first few times Stan would cross paths with Wendy, there was a slightly awkward tension between them, unsure how to act now. But it had since settled down in a somewhat less strange mood. He greeted her and smiled as if nothing really happened. No hard feelings and all. He did hoped that their friendship would go back to a semblance of normality but, for the moment...he felt like they needed some time to ease back into the whole 'friend' part. He couldn't expect it to just snap back to normal so soon anyway.

The school hallways were busy with students gathering at their lockers and the loud chatter that echoed off the walls. As always, Stan was trying to avoid his coach as best he could, to keep from having to endure the usual lecture about his half-assed participation in their football practices. That guy seemed determinate to make him into a star player but Stan couldn't care less, he played football just for fun, he wasn't really in for the pressure and hard work.

He hadn't miss any games and went to enough practices to be up to par for those, so why couldn't the old guy get off his back and let him be?

Kyle observed him with a sigh, leaning against his locker and taking a sip of water, like he couldn't understand what Stan's issue was with just going to the damned practices. Of course, the redhead, him, couldn't wait for basketball season to start! Dragging the rest of them to the park to play whenever he could, to 'help him get ready for when practice start' or whatever excuse he had that day.

"You know...if you just went to the damn practices, he wouldn't try and grab your ear to talk to you every damn time he spots your ass." The basketball-fanatic said, totally insensitive to his Super Best Friend's suffering. "You're their best player, he won't leave you the fuck alone, we've been over this like...a million times now."

"Exactly! I'm their best player, so he could just fuck off and let me have a life outside football." Stan retorted, making his best friend roll his eyes. They've been through the same discussion a thousand time, but at the end, none of his friends ever complained when he would ditch to hang out with them. "Does he really think the South Park high school team is gonna—shit, here he comes! Dude, just tell him I'm not here, okay?" He hissed in urgency as his eyes darted to a very distinctive man moving through the crowd.

The man was taller and larger, with his signature cap over his shaved head and his muscular arms crossed in front of his chest, like an immovable mountain, ready to block anyone's escape attempt. An expression of sheer annoyance painted on his features as he searched for one particular boy.

Stan quickly squeezed past Kyle and hid in the small space of the other's open locker, the redhead sighing and closing the door without another comment. Stan could hear him approach.

"Broflovski! Where the hell did Marsh go? I know you two are always glued at the hip!" The coach grumbled, a note of irritation clear in his voice. "You better tell me, I need to speak to that brat. Don't think he can get out of the practices by hiding from me! If only that kid would just stop skipping half of the time...he's so goddamn good. Could bring our school into real football games!"

"I dunno, sir, last time I saw him he was going to the restroom." Kyle's tone held a convincing note of honesty. The dark-haired teen could imagine his best friend, with a shrug, his expression unreadable as he took a long, nonchalant sip from his water bottle.

He couldn't help the grin that spread on his face as his friend came to his aid, even after the scolding from seconds ago. No matter what he said, Stan knew he could always count on him in the end. Kyle really was the best. The way his chest tightened with a certain warmth made him pause...again, why was he so acutely aware of things these days?

"...Just tell him to at least continue to show up at practice once in a while, I swear, such a waste of natural talent." A couple of minutes later, the man was gone and Stan was out of his hiding spot. He grinned wider, his gaze meeting the brilliant emerald eyes of his savior, trying not to notice the slight skip of his heart at the eye contact.

The fact that he kept noticing those little things, like the tiny freckles that dusted his best friend's nose, the way the sunlight seemed to make his hair look even brighter and the way he looked at Stan, with that warm, knowing smile and how it made Stan feel in his stomach and chest...

"Damn, that guy is still on your ass?" The voice of Cartman suddenly brought him back to reality and Stan glanced around Kyle's shoulder to see him approach, followed by Kenny. "When will that asshole get it that you don't give two shits? Jeez, some guys are just too damn persistent."

"Maybe he'd finally shut up and accept the truth if Stan didn’t show up to all the fucking games and act like the best goddamn player in South Park." Kyle remarked with a small smirk.

"Excuse me for wanting to enjoy myself during a game instead of running around for hours, five days a week, and having to deal with both the coach and my father ganging up on me to talk about my future in the NFL all day long." Stan retorted with a huff. He crossed his arms, his brows furrowing at the thought.

"You got better things to do anyway, like hanging out with actual kewl people—like me, instead of some lame-ass sport." Cartman agreed, nudging Stan with an elbow, which caused his scowl to soften. At least he wasn't the only one to see how pointless all those practices really were.

"Yeah, no harm in just playing for fun and wanting to hang out with your friends, right?" Kenny agreed, giving Stan a knowing wink as he put a supportive hand on his shoulder, his touch sending a tiny shiver down Stan's back.

"See? You should try listening more to these two." Stan nodded with a grin.

"...And this is when I remember that you all share the same braincell, passing it back and forth." The redhead huffed and rolled his eyes fondly, a grin creeping up on his face. "It's a miracle that any of you guys managed to get into high school."

"That's because of your great tutoring, of course, teacher Kahl." Cartman mocked, smirking at the middle finger that the aforementioned teen promptly directed at him in response.

The bell soon interrupted their playful bickering, and they all reluctantly headed to class. The halls became less crowded, the distant laughter and conversations fading as the classrooms filled up. Somehow, most of their elementary days' class were all still together. The perks of living in a small-ass town like theirs, probably.

Sitting down at their usual places, they chatted amongst themselves and the subject of the self-made TTRPGs they'd been working on lately—an adaptation of their old childhood games—came up, which Cartman boasted would become a better-known phenomenon than even Dungeons and Dragons. Because, of course, the fat asshole was gonna try and make profit on some dumb homemade game based on their childhood days. Some things never change.

As classes went by, the familiar sensation of time passing excruciatingly slowly settled over the classroom, punctuated only by the rhythmic tapping of pencils and the droning of teachers. The monotone voices and the repetitive information did little to capture his full attention, as his mind kept drifting to his newfound anxiety about being physically affectionate with his best friends. Was it just him? Had something shifted in their group dynamics without him noticing? Why couldn't he just shrug it all off? Kyle had seemed unbothered and the rest had acted just like they've always been.

His gaze suddenly fell on Craig and his friends seated not too far. Craig who had started dating Tweek when they were still only kids and who was now out and proud of it. If someone might be able to give him some guidance...it was probably him. But...was he really gonna walk up to Tucker of all people and try and get advice? It wasn't like they were particularly close.

Then again...who else could he even ask about..."gay"...stuff? At least, without spreading rumors that he himself was...into guys? He didn't even knew where to begin, he wasn't even sure of anything anymore...it was all confusing.

Eventually, the long-awaited sound of the bell cut through the dull atmosphere, signaling lunchtime, and Cartman was quick to loudly celebrate their "freedom" for a brief time. The rest of the students soon joined in on the collective relief, gathering their belongings and spilling into the hallway, eager for the short reprieve that was lunchtime.

"You okay, Stan? You've been pretty out of it today." Kenny asked him, gently touching Stan's shoulder, his voice filled with concern as they walked down the hallway. Cartman was a step ahead of them and, hearing the comment, turned around with an almost condescending grin on his face.

"Isn't that the usual 'I've been dumped like a pathetic simp so now I'll look like a zombie 24/7' deal with him again? Give him a week, he'll be back to being our lovable dumbass, instead of an extra gloomy and whiny version of it." The chubby teen remarked, rolling his eyes as if it was all a massive inconvenience for him.

"I dunno, it doesn't feel like the usual deal." Kenny replied, ignoring the mocking tone and focusing on their friend instead.

"I'm fine, I swear, I've just got some...personal things on my mind, don't worry too much." Stan reassured his blond friend with an appreciative smile, his voice softening as he spoke.

"You should just forget that bitch already! How many times are you two going to do the same fucking drama?" Cartman grumbled with an eyeroll, clearly not really caring about Stan's issues or whatever he thought about them.

"It's not even about Wendy." Stan grunted back. "You don't always have to be an ass."

"Aw, but dude, he's always an ass, that's just Cartman being a Cartman!" Kenny playfully teased back, patting his chubby friend's shoulder as they walked down the corridor.

"I'm not being an ass! And I'm not the only one who's fucking tired of that drama repeating again, and again, and again. Fuck's sake, what did that girl even have anyway? So fucking boring and self-righteous..." Cartman muttered under his breath. "If you ask me, she just wanted to make herself seem interesting, that's why she's always causing so much damn drama, and using our poor, innocent, sweet Stanley here as the punching bag. Don't get taken for a fool again, Stan."

"Shut the hell up Cartman, she's still my friend and I still care about her and what she thinks and feels." Stan groaned, giving a half-hearted attempt at kicking at the boy ahead. He was tired of having Cartman shit all over Wendy for no real reasons beside his own dislike for the girl. "She didn't even dumped me this time, it was a mutual break-up."

"Oh, suuuuure, it was. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Marsh." Cartman scoffed, dodging the attempt with a smug grin. "You were a total bitchboy, following her everywhere, doing whatever she wanted, whining and crying every time she got tired of you, but sure, 'we broke up mutually', you keep telling yourself that."

"I fucking swear to God, fatass..." Stan let out a grunt and kicked his friend harder in retaliation, a scowl settling over his features.

"Ouch! Damn it Stan! Just because you're sad you got dumped doesn’t mean you gotta take it out on poor little old me." The teen retorted in an overexaggerated whiny, mocking voice. He was about to continue, but Kyle simply slapped a hand on his mouth to stop the rest of whatever bullshit that was bound to come out.

"Both of you shut up and let's just get lunch, Jesus." The redhead sighed in exasperation. "Also, this time it seems like it's final, so just leave him alone, dude." He finally removed his hand from the other's face, revealing a rather offended expression. "What?" He asked, raising a questioning brow at the chubby boy, whose gaze darkened with an almost childish annoyance.

"You fucking slapped me!" Cartman exclaimed with indignation.

"Oh fuck off." Kyle retorted with an eyeroll. Kenny couldn't help the snicker at the offended expression and he leaned closer to Stan to stage-whisper to him, a mischievous glimmer in his sky-blue eyes.

"Ten bucks he starts crying over his poor bruised ass ego." His breath against Stan's cheek caused goosebumps, the blond's presence stirring a deep, strange mix of comfort and excitement he couldn't fully comprehend.

Again. Again, something that used to feel natural between them started to stir confusing thoughts inside his mind. Maybe he really should ask Craig about all this shit.

"I won't take that fucking bet because we all know that it's going to happen at one point." He whispered back, hoping he didn't sound too strange.

The four boys entered the school's cafeteria, the familiar noise and chaos immediately assaulting their ears, and the enthusiastic waving of Butters across the room greeted them. As always since the start of this school year, a certain boy with short, curly blond hair was sitting beside him. That Bradley guy had moved to South Park recently and, apparently, he had met Butters before in a certain "camp". Stan didn't really know the details, but they seemed to quickly have become good friends, seeing how they always were glued at the hips.

The four friends sat down at the table with them, exchanging greetings with the others as they did, and soon the group fell into their typical routine of lunchtime banter and conversation. As his friends discussed some new TV shows or movies or whatever, Stan found himself zoning out once again. He wasn't entirely sure why he had been feeling off today, he just...couldn't get out of his own head.

Eventually, even Butters started to catch on that Stan wasn't acting quite like he usually was, the latter noticing the concerned glances sent his way. "Are you alright there, buddy? You seem pretty down, did something happen?" He asked, his voice filled with genuine concern, snapping him back to reality.

"What else? He's always down." Cartman grunted, though it was clear by his tone that the boy wasn't too concerned. After all, to him it must've just seemed like nothing more than Wendy-related drama once again, so no wonder he wouldn't think too much of it.

"Him and Wendy are over for good, apparently." Kenny explained, giving an unamused glare at the chubby boy who rolled his eyes and scoffed as a response. It was clear that the fat asshole just didn't care.

"Wait, really? You both seemed so good together! I mean...I know you broke up a lot but you always got back together after some time..." Butters' expression turned into a puzzled, somewhat sad look, his light blue eyes darting between Stan and the others as he took in this news. "I'm so sorry Stan, if you need to talk I'm always here for a chat, buddy."

"Yeah, no, we weren't good together at all, I was a shitty boyfriend to her anyway because I wasn't even in love with her." Stan grumbled as he took a bite from his burger, the meat was slightly dry, the lettuce limp, and the overall flavor somewhat lacking.

"You were in a relationship for that long, and with that many break-ups and patch-ups, without actually being in love with each other?" Bradley piped up, an eyebrow quirked with genuine surprise. He usually didn't join too much into their conversations. He was the type that preferred to quietly observe and only speak when it was really needed.

Stan could feel himself shrinking a bit more under the spotlight, as if it was his fault things had turned out that way. He sighed and shrugged. "I don't know, dude...we were just kids, I thought what I felt was 'real', you know?" Somehow, it almost felt like he was looking for their approval or understanding. As if he wanted them to agree with him, to say he wasn't the only one to be dumb.

"I don't know, I had girlfriends before but I never felt anything special for any of them." Kenny admitted, leaning his cheek against the palm of his hand, elbow planted firmly on the table. "Isn't the whole point of having a girlfriend to get to have sex?"

"Of course that's all you poor-ass people think about, that's why you keep reproducing and increasing the amount of goddamn poors like yourselves in this town!" Cartman huffed, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"At least HIS relationships didn't end with a gun pointed at him." Stan muttered back, earning an indignant gasp from the chubby boy.

"Hey! It's not my fault if Heidi was a crazy bi—" Cartman began his defense, but his voice died when literately everyone at the table (except for Bradley who hadn't been present to see that mess) shouted a very loud "yes it fucking was!" back at him in perfect chorus.

He grunted, crossing his arms in a sulking way, mumbling under his breath something about "unfair" and "fucking traitors". The rest of the gang just rolled their eyes, they were too used to this situation to really mind at this point, and the topic quickly drifted back to Stan and his break-up as he felt all eyes shift back to him.

Stan couldn't help but wonder why the whole thing seemed more important to them than it did to him. He should have been the one making it such a big deal, yet, here he was, wishing they would just drop the subject for good.

"So...you weren't really in love with her?" Butters asked, tilting his head, looking even more confused now.

"Can't we just stop talking about it already? I'm over it." Stan grumbled back. He wasn't really that interested in dissecting the ins and outs of a relationship that started out of a stupid childhood crush with Butters right now, or anyone, really.

Kyle's arm circled his shoulders in a gentle and comforting gesture, the warm and reassuring pressure immediately easing some of Stan's tension. "You heard the dude, he doesn't wanna talk 'bout it, leave him alone, guys." He told them, his words a mix of firmness and compassion.

And once again, Stan thought that he really, really should ask Craig about the weird feelings he was getting from all those interactions. Because this was starting to get ridiculous. Yes, after school, he'll ask. Just a quick chat to...get answers about what was happening in his head and then that'll be it.

It wasn't that big of a deal anyway.

Chapter Text

The move had felt like both an opportunity and a new beginning for Bradley. The scenery changing from the bustling, crowded landscapes to a serene, almost picture-perfect mountain town. Bradley had never expected his mom to settle down in such a remote town, but after the divorce with his dad over...what to do after his suicide attempt, his mom had just...wanted to run away to somewhere else, he supposed, to just start over completely fresh.

Bradley could relate, honestly.

And when she told him where they were moving to, the name 'South Park' immediately brought a wave of mixed feelings to him. Memories of Camp New Grace surged, along with all those emotions from the experiences there. Bradley wondered if he was even going to meet Butters again here or if maybe the other boy had moved as well.

His crush for him had never really went away...the boy who had saved his life and accepted him without any hesitation, despite all the horrible things that were told to him about homosexuality at the camp. To him, that blond-haired boy felt like an angel that had appeared in his darkest moments.

He had never been able to stop thinking about him, wondering what he was doing, what his favorite things were, his dreams and passions. But mostly, he just wished he could see that bright, kind smile and hear that gentle voice once more. So knowing that they were moving to the very town he lived in...he couldn't help the way hope surged in his heart at the prospect that maybe, he'd see his crush and savior again.

"Bradley, are you done with unpacking your room?" His mother asked from the other side of his bedroom door. Her voice seemed tired and distant, as if she was still not fully grasping the recent changes in her own life. She had been so quiet, almost absent, ever since their departure.

"Y-yes mom, everything is unpacked." He answered back, biting the nail of his thumb nervously. Despite the hope, there was still so much anxiety that came with starting at a brand-new high school, especially as a new face, a stranger to the other teenagers that have been in each other's pockets ever since they were all children.

"Well then, come down for lunch, don't stay alone in that room." She tried to sound more lively, more interested, but he couldn't help but feel like her enthusiasm was all for show. He had learned to pick up the little tells she had when she wasn't really into what she said.

Sometime he wondered why she chose him over his dad when...she clearly didn't want a gay son. But it was her that insisted on taking him away from that camp when his dad would have left him there for who knows how long. She never tried to change him again either, but...it didn't mean that she would be accepting of it either. He didn't know what to think of all this...

It took a few years for the constant fighting to really escalate to the level that they simply could no longer live with one another. And somehow...it felt almost freeing for the boy. At least now, he had a parent that, even if she still wasn't comfortable with it, wouldn't force him back to a place like Camp New Grace or threaten to throw him out on the streets because of it. It was better, he kept telling himself, it could be so, so much worse after all.

"I'll be there in just a second." He answered with a sigh, putting his bag on the chair of his desk before he headed downstairs. His mom had already laid down a sandwich on the table for him, which made him smile as he sat to eat.

"You should try and invite friends over when school starts." His mother spoke up, sitting in front of him, looking him directly in the eyes with that slightly distant gaze that only added to his unease around her. "It would do you good to get out more."

"...Yeah. Sure. If...if I make any..." He agreed with an uncertain nod, forcing an uncomfortable smile and turning his attention back to the sandwich in front of him.

Of course he'd try to invite people over. But he still had the lingering feeling that people in a small, conservative mountain town...they might not like a newcomer that was...gay. There was still that underlying fear of the reactions he could receive from others. That deep-seated worry of being ostracized, harassed, or even attacked for being who he was. The dread was a familiar companion, lurking in the background of his every action.

Would the teens here really be that narrow minded? Butters wasn't, but what about the other teens of the small town? Was Butters really the exception to a rule?

"I'm certain you'll make some." She reassured him, but her tone fell flat, almost robotic. "You've always been so sweet to all the neighbor's children back in...back home. I'm sure the kids here will be happy to make your acquaintance." A faint, somewhat forced smile stretched across her lips. "Besides, you're handsome and smart. Any parents would want their kids to befriend a nice young man like you."

Even if he looked at the other boys with that extra, forbidden layer, the forbidden longing and desire that he had tried so hard to ignore or suppress? Even though he was someone that the camp had tried so hard to fix and turn straight? Even when his own dad had screamed that he would turn all those 'nice, christian boys and girls' gay and send everyone to hell with him if he'd be left alone with them?

She reached for his hand, giving him a little reassuring pat before leaving him alone at the table to continue eating. But his thoughts were too wild and anxious. Could she really accept him like that or was this all just for show? If the kids turned out to be homophobic, what would he do then?

***

The school wasn't much to look at from the outside. Just your typical, somewhat old building made of bricks, nothing overly fancy. Other students were all gathered together by groups in front, talking or fooling around together. And suddenly Bradley felt the weight of being the new face crashing in on his already fragile nerves, the familiar wave of anxiety washing over him, constricting his throat.

Once again biting the nail of his thumb nervously, the teen scanned the crowd, looking for the familiar bright, blond locks and cheerful blue eyes...he desperately wanted to find. The other boy might have changed a lot over the years, but he could still recognize the very person who saved him all those years back, couldn't he?

But would Butters even remember him? It had been so many years since the camp...so much had changed, for both of them surely. Even if the other did recall him, would he still accept his presence and company? Bradley really hoped that would be the case.

As he was walking through the noisy hallways, a boy with short light brown hair that seemed almost as nervous as he was startled him by suddenly shouting some insanities. Weirdly, it didn't seem to have fazed anyone beside him, and another boy with a green ushanka kept talking to him without being even slightly phased, like whatever this was...had been a regular occurrence.

From the little he caught of their conversation, the brown-haired boy had recently moved to South Park as well and this was their first meeting at school. Which only made Bradley wonder, if that kid had made friends so quickly in this small mountain town, then why was it so hard for him to find someone he could actually be open with?

Finally reaching his first classroom, he looked inside to try and spot a seat near anyone he could maybe try to make a conversation with, but once again, it was just groups of kids that grew up together since elementary days, chatting with people they had known all of their lives.

He felt his heart sink, but before he could try to find a spot that would be a little out of the way of everyone, his breath hitched in his chest as he caught a glimpse of those soft, blond strands of hair that had been burned in his memory for so long. The soft smile, the warm gaze of sparkling sky-blue eyes that he could never forget. It was him. It was Butters. Finally, finally he had found the very boy he'd longed for all those years.

Before he could stop himself, he grabbed his arm as soon as he was within reach and exclaimed. "B-Butters? Oh my God, it's...it's you, isn't it?" Immediately after the words left his mouth, he realized that might have come off way, way more intense and desperate than it should've, especially to the others that didn't know about Camp New Grace.

The group that the boy was with all stared at him like he had completely lost his goddamned mind, the other blond looking a bit taken aback. He could feel his entire body flush in a mixture of embarrassment and panic, quickly dropping his hand from the other's arm to fidget with his shirt instead.

"You know this guy, Butters?" The only black-haired boy in their little group spoke, his tone laced with curiosity.

"I..." The blond seemed unsure of how to respond. Bradley couldn't stop himself from panicking more and more as his gaze darted frantically, trying to gauge their reaction, and quickly interjected in hopes to diffuse the situation before he ruined Butters' social life.

"I'm sorry! I'm—I just moved to South Park, my name is Bradley, I—erm, it's a bit of a long story of how we, you know...knew...each other." Bradley tried to explain without actually giving away where they really met. The shame of admitting that they had both been at the same camp for 'bi-curious boys' that wanted to 'change their sinful ways' was just far too great for him to admit right at this moment. But then...

"Oh! Oh! Ohhh, it's you!" Suddenly recognition seemed to finally dawn in the blond's bright blue eyes and he offered him the same, bright smile that he remembered so clearly, the same that made his chest feel so tight and warm all at once, and Bradley almost forgot to breathe. "I just knew you looked familiar but I couldn't place my finger on it! You're that boy who was at that "bi-curious" camp!" Butters said with the biggest smile, clearly happy and relieved to have recalled where exactly he had met him.

And just like that...the cat was out of the bag before he even got a chance to settle into a seat and he just knew that there wasn't a chance that any one of them would ever forget that little detail now.

"Oh, yeah, weren't you sent there because of Cartman?" Another member of their group—a blond boy wearing an orange parka—joined the conversation, and the boy with the green ushanka (the same one he saw earlier in the hallway, he noticed) seemed to scowl at the overweight teen Bradley assumed to be the aforementioned 'Cartman' who just scoffed in response.

"It was you guys' fault too! You told me some bullshit because you thought you were sooo much smarter than me!" He replied back, his words dripping with a mix of annoyance and offense as if he really thought it wasn't entirely on him to begin with. Which, it very obviously was.

"About that...no one ever told me what was the prank that Eric pulled on me..." Butters asked, turning back to the others and tilting his head, like an innocent little puppy, completely unaware of his cuteness, and the overwhelming urge to hug him tightly made the other blond's face turn pinkish.

His friends shared an awkward, somewhat embarrassed glance with each other. Then, one of them stepped forward, the only redhead in the group of boys. And the first thought that ran through Bradley's head was how handsome the other boy was, with brilliant emerald-green eyes, fiery locks and elegant, yet somewhat angular, facial features.

He placed a hand on Butters' shoulder and looked at him with the sort of patient gaze one might have with a very small child. "Butters, trust me...you don't want to know." His voice sounded firm, leaving little to no room for further discussion.

"O-oh...well, alright then. If you all think so." Butters seemed a bit bummed, his gaze trailing towards the ground for a second, almost like the information was a secret they were not letting him in on.

"Yeah! Let's all forget about that, it wasn't important, okay? Let's go sit down!" Cartman quickly spoke, a grin stretching across his features, which made Bradley's stomach churn with uneasiness, and he guided everyone towards their desks before anything else could be said. It felt...off. Like something sinister had been brushed aside to stay hidden and the blond wasn't sure he would have the courage to dig it back up anyway.

Butters smiled brightly again, and gently took Bradley's hand in his to bring him with them, his touch so soft and warm. As if he wanted to make him feel safe, welcomed, in their group. Butters' kindness had not changed after all these years, not even a little. It made him almost giddy at how quick this had turned from his worst nightmare to something out of his most secret, and dearest, dreams.

"It's really great to see ya again! Come on! You can sit beside me." The boy's cheerful demeanor helped soothe some of Bradley's earlier nerves, allowing his tense posture to relax. "We'll catch up after class, alright? I can't wait to hear all about what you've been up to!"

"Y-yeah. Yeah! I'd really like that!" Bradley smiled, following him like they had always been best friends, the warmth of his hand filling him with so much happiness that it was hard to not beam at every little touch that he'd craved for so long.

It was so, so good to see Butters again.

And the lessons went way faster than what Bradley expected, before they knew it, it was the lunch time and he ended up sitting at the table alongside with the other boys, nervously playing with his thumbs and avoiding their gazes. The cafeteria was filled with a symphony of sounds—the clinking of trays, the steady buzz of teenage chatter.

Butters' friends were...interesting, to say the least. The one with the green ushanka—Kyle? Yeah, that sounded right—seemed rather nice, if somewhat too sharp and quick to jump into arguments. He kept fighting with the boy who was introduced to him as Cartman, a boy with brown hair and a fat figure. He wasn't certain what his feelings were on that specific person yet; he was kind of intimidating, to say the least.

Meanwhile, Stan, a boy with short, black hair, sat at Kyle's left. From what he had seen of the pair so far, they seemed close—almost finishing each others sentences. Like the best of friends would do. Honestly, he seemed almost closer to the redhead than to the girl he had presented as his girlfriend when she had briefly dropped by to give him a quick kiss on the lips. Apparently, those two had just gotten back together a week or two ago so maybe that explained the seemingly superficial affection?

Kenny, the guy wearing the orange parka, didn't really speak up much unless it was to crack a rather lewd, dirty joke that made everyone around them snicker, or roll their eyes. Or sometimes both at once. Bradley couldn't help but notice that the guy was pretty handsome despite his worn-out clothing and somewhat unkempt hair. And from what little he heard from his jokes and conversations with others at the table, it seemed that he wasn't the only one to think so, as the guy had his share of girls that would want his...ah...'attentions'.

None of them had mentioned anything about the place him and Butters had met, or asked questions about Bradley being gay. And somehow, it was enough to soothe the anxiety he had been struggling with since their first interaction.

The lunch period rolled by and before he knew it, classes resumed. That first day was going surprisingly well, even though his body ached from his mindless, anxious sleep the night before. He even found himself forgetting his initial worries, as Butters would often chat with him during breaks, the gentle smile never really leaving his soft features and his eyes shimmering whenever they met Bradley's own.

He just hoped he wasn't being too obvious about the massive crush he had on the boy. If his friendliness was anything to judge by, Butters might just be naturally that sweet to everyone. That would certainly make sense.

Soon enough the final bell rang and the hallways flooded again with all the students ready to head back to their homes, chatter filling the space like a wave of energy. Butters joined him as he made his way towards the school entrance. "You wanna come hang out at my home?" He asked, and it was an invitation he wouldn't even think to refuse.

"Y-Yeah, sure, if your parents don't mind, that is!" The other blond answered, almost stumbling over his own feet as he caught up with Butters. Somehow his friend had taken the habit to grab his arm and drag him everywhere already.

At the mention of his parents, the smile on Butters' lips seemed to falter for a second, his expression growing a little darker. A change so subtle, that anyone else would have missed it.

"It's fine, I'll end up grounded at one point or another anyway. Might as well be because of you and not anything stupid that I did. Come on, it's not that far." The smile returned in a heartbeat, his usual optimism shining through again. He resumed dragging him by his sleeve as they walked out of the school grounds and headed down the sidewalk, passing by rows of almost identical houses.

"Grounded?" Bradley questioned, his voice tinged with a mix of curiosity and concern.

"Yeah! But don't you worry 'bout it." His friend's tone was reassuring, the soft cadence carrying a touch of lightheartedness, yet he couldn't help but feel that underneath that casual tone lay something deeper and more profound that Butters wasn't fully letting on to.

He didn't want to overstep or seem nosey, but...

"Why do they ground you?" He continued to prod, hoping he wasn't pushing any uncomfortable buttons.

"I-I dunno. It's weird, sometimes, my dad will get all angry at the tiniest thing I might do that I think isn't wrong but he do. Mom's easier but she just follows dad and...I just dunno sometimes. I guess it's the way my family works." He answered him with a half-hearted smile on his lips.

"S-sorry, you probably don't want to talk about something like that..." Bradley quickly backpedaled. He was supposed to make things better for Butters, not to make him sad. And especially not on the first day back together!

"No, it's alright!" His friend waved it off with an awkward chuckle that made Bradley feel even more guilty about making him uncomfortable. "It's...it's actually nice to have someone who cares." His eyes glanced at Bradley, something gentle and vulnerable flashing in them for a moment.

"Oh. It's nothing special. You just helped me out a lot, that day, you know, at that camp, so...I-I want to be helpful too!" Bradley couldn't meet Butters' gaze, focusing on anything and everything other than him. His cheeks burned and he prayed that his friend wouldn't notice. "I owe you."

"Ah! That? It wasn't anything that special, honest! I didn't even really understand what it was all about at that time!" Butters shook his head, a lighthearted laugh escaping his lips. "It was just a big misunderstanding."

Wait. Misunderstanding? What?

"What misunderstanding...?" He questioned, stopping in his tracks, forcing the other boy to pause his movements as well to face him. Butters looked a bit confused and slightly embarrassed.

"Well, about, you know...why we were all gathered there." Butters spoke and Bradley could feel his heart skip a few beats. "After Eric's prank, you know, the one I still don't really know what it was, my dad told the priest I was bi-curious. And the next day I was at the camp! I didn't even know what 'bi-curious' was supposed to be. Still don't, really, I guess."

Oh.

OH.

Oh God. Bradley's crush wasn't even gay?! Or bi? Not even anything remotely not straight?! And he had pined after him for years?!

"I see..." His voice cracked, his head dizzy, feeling his heart break into a million little pieces as the realization of Butters not actually being gay shattered his hopes completely.

"But, you know, I'm kinda happy that I was sent there and got to meet you!" Butters' sweet, warm voice echoed through the fog in his head. "You're super sweet and fun! I'd have never made a friend like you if I was never there after all, right?"

His smile, oh, that smile that never left his soft features. The gentle curve of his lips and the warmth that shone through his brilliant blue eyes. It was all just too much, overwhelming, yet so incredibly comforting at the same time. Despite the sinking feeling that this could never lead anywhere, that there wasn't even the smallest, most insignificant possibility of the boy he liked returning the sentiment, Bradley found his heart melting.

"Yeah...you're right, I'm really happy I met you too."

***

A month later, Bradley was still completely smitten by the sweet, pure, kind and helpful boy who he knew as his savior. The crush never seemed to lessen despite knowing Butters wasn't into other boys. In fact, it was almost getting worse the more he spent time with his crush and his friends. They weren't as bad as Bradley initially thought, that's for sure, even Cartman with all his faults was...fun, to some extent.

Some kind of routine had established itself. Each morning, before class, he'd meet up with Butters and walk together to the school. Bradley would greet him, they'd exchange cheerful 'good mornings', and his friend would grab his arm to walk with him, which was...really nice, although it still would cause his heart to flutter and his palms to sweat.

Then, at school, they'd eat and hang out together, often with that same group of friends, but sometimes just the two of them when the others had more pressing issues. Which was great. Except for the fact that the feelings of longing only grew more and more with every little innocent gesture, kind words, or soft smile sent his way.

The break-up between Stan and Wendy didn't come as that big of a surprise to anyone, but it did shock him a bit to see just how...okay...Stan was over the situation. From what he was told, previous break-ups had been full of crying, sobbing, and dramatic speeches, so why did this time was different?

"You were in a relationship for that long, and with that many break-ups and patch-ups, without actually being in love with each other?" Bradley couldn't help the genuine shock and disbelief in his voice.

"I don't know, dude...we were just kids, I thought what I felt was 'real', you know?" The explanation just added more fuel to his puzzlement. "I don't know, I had girlfriends before but I never felt anything special for any of them. Isn't the whole point of having a girlfriend to get to have sex?" The voice of the one Bradley knew to be named Kenny chimed in with a lecherous smirk on his face, one that made Bradley a little flustered with how attractive the blond guy looked.

The rest of the conversation was soon lost in a sea of bickering, Cartman starting up an argument again with the others until the break ended. Bradley never had a boyfriend (and even less a girlfriend) but he didn't want to 'get to know the touch of a guy' just for that. Wasn't the entire point to fall in love and be happy? To go on silly dates, and to do all those grossly sweet, romantic couple things that everyone else was doing? Surely he wasn't wrong to think that? That was what love should be like, shouldn't it?

As he walked back with Butters, he couldn't help to wonder how the other boy was when it came to romance. Did he crave the same type of sweet love Bradley hoped to experience one day? Had he ever dated anyone? If yes, were they a good couple?

Before he realized, Bradley blurted out. "Butters, did you...did you ever...have...you know...a romantic partner...before?" The words hung in the air, heavy with the weight of a thousand emotions, and Bradley felt his heart pounding hard against his ribs, the rapid drumbeat of anticipation.

"Oh, uh..." The boy stopped and blinked, his blue eyes staring at the concrete ground as he pondered on his answer, biting the inside of his cheek, and his soft blond hair fluttering gently with the light autumn breeze. "I didn't really...had much luck with girls, you know..." Bradley felt his chest constrict with a mixture of hope, relief and sadness for him. "I had a girlfriend but...she broke up with me because of something that happened with the girls that had nothing to do with me. Since then I've kinda given up, to be honest." He let out a long, defeated sigh that seemed to weigh heavily on Bradley's shoulders.

"Oh..." Bradley couldn't think of anything more to say, struggling to form the words that he felt he needed to offer, anything that might ease the pain of Butters' failed relationship. "It—it really wasn't your fault, you know? So she didn't really deserve you." He stuttered a little bit, his face flushing with the intensity of his feelings and how much he craved for Butters to look at him the same way he had once looked at her.

"I don't really know...it kinda feels like I'm not meant to really have anything serious." Butters chuckled a bit, but it lacked any of its usual warmth and brightness. It sounded empty and sad.

"Maybe...! Maybe..." Bradley desperately searched for words, wanting so badly to ease Butters' sadness and to give him the comfort he was seeking. "Maybe you haven't found the right person, yeah? That's—that's what people say, isn't it? And I...I..." Oh, god, his tongue was a lead weight in his mouth, refusing to cooperate as his mind screamed to confess everything. "Maybe girls...aren't the right 'fit' for you? M-maybe? Have—have you ever...tried...a-and...a—and...you know..." His voice trailed off, his throat dry as a desert and he couldn't keep talking anymore.

Butters stared at him with a curious look, the wind blowing through his soft golden locks. For a second, the world seemed to stand still between them, like the whole world had stopped breathing.

"What do you mean?" Butters asked, tilting his head and squinting, as if Bradley had just asked him the hardest math problem ever.

"Boy!" Bradley finally shouted out, startling himself and making him flinch a bit. "H-have you...have you tried dating a boy?" His voice was shaky, but the question lingered in the space between them.

"Oh, er, no?" The blond frowned in thought, tilting his head slightly. "I never thought of trying that..." His confusion was written on his features, clear and loud.

"Well...I mean..." Bradley stumbled through his words, desperately searching for an argument, anything, to prove that the idea was good, that he was the perfect boy to fulfill Butters' needs and wishes, that he should consider giving him a shot.

"I guess I don't hate the idea, Craig and Tweek do look pretty happy together after all." Butters continued with a pensive expression.

"They...They are a couple??" Bradley couldn't keep the shock from his tone. But...from what little interaction they've had in the hallway, and from what he'd seen when passing by their lockers, they did seem pretty affectionate. But...a gay couple right there in town? Right there, at school?

"Yeah! They're together since fourth grade! It's been so many years, and they're still that in love with each other! Isn't that incredible?" His friend answered cheerfully. "They really are an awesome couple."

Bradley couldn't stop his mind from reeling from that. Was it true? How did he miss this?! Was it because of the fact he spent so little time with the others in the hallways that it completely slipped by? Or simply because his eyes could never leave Butters for too long to notice the world around them?

"They...are they accepted by the...other people, at least? How do...everyone...treats...them?" Bradley struggled with the right way to form that question. Were those two happy with their relationship, despite what people could say or do around them?

"Yeah, most don't mind. And the others usually get their asses kicked by Craig when they say anything." The matter of fact way in which Butters spoke made Bradley feel at ease, his shoulders visibly relaxing as the realization sunk in, a sense of relief washing over him.

"Oh." His expression brightened as the reality that the small mountain town he lived in wasn't quite as close-minded as he initially feared struck him, a small smile dancing on his lips.

"Were you scared that people would bully you for your sexuality or anything, Bradley? Don't worry, I'd protect ya! Me and the gang would kick the bullies' asses." The blond's eyes shone brightly, reflecting the deep, genuine concern and care in his tone.

"I-I..." The reassurance filled him with a newfound strength, melting away some of the fear and apprehension that had plagued him ever since their first meeting.

Bradley could feel the familiar surge of emotions welling up inside of him, the desire to let the feelings out overwhelming him, and the warmth that radiated from Butters' words and gestures only fueled the growing, relentless flames.

Maybe, maybe if he said it, if he was open about his feelings, maybe...

"I...I really like you, Butters." He breathed out, it wasn't the first time he confessed to Butters, but the last time was at camp and the boy didn't seem to have realized the real meaning behind those words at that time.

"Well, gee, I really like you too, Bradley!" Butters laughed a little as he said this, patting his friend's shoulder, which did not help Bradley's anxiety and racing heartbeat. It just meant that, once again, the other blond did not grasp his meaning at all.

"No, I mean...a-about what I said before...I was...trying to...to s-s-suggest that, m-maybe, we...we could...we could be more than friends?" His voice was barely above a whisper, every syllable weighed down with emotion, but he forced the words out.

"O-oh...oh..." It finally dawned on him. "Oh." A mix of surprise and realization washed across Butters' face, like a sudden epiphany had hit him square in the face. "You...You meant that way...like Craig and Tweek..." He murmured the last part, staring at Bradley, who was still red from head to toe. The boy nodded stiffly, afraid of Butters' rejection and his whole body felt as if he was going to melt from the shame. "I...I dunno...I've never date a boy before so I never thought of you that way. But...I guess it can't hurt to try, right?"

"Y-you mean, we can give it a try?" Bradley's eyes lit up with joy, his smile beaming.

"Well, I guess! Yes!" Butters smiled. "I'll be honest though, I might not...return your feelings, and I don't want to lead ya on or nothing like that, alright?"

"Yeah! That's okay, if...if in the end you'd rather be just friends, then...that's alright with me! At least we will have given it a shot." Bradley agreed without hesitation, nodding frantically.

Chapter Text

School was coming to an end for the day, at least, for those who didn't have practice after the lessons were done...or for those who were skipping said practice to talk privately to an old acquaintance before going to the park with their Super Best Friend for a game of basketball. Stan was nervously waiting around the corner, not wanting the rest of the team to notice he wasn't showing up again, as the guy he was looking for was walking in the direction of the school exit.

"Craig! Wait!" He called out as soon as it was safe to do so, trying to catch his attention.

The dark-haired boy stopped and glanced behind him with a slightly raised eyebrow. "What is it Marsh?" He asked, clearly uninterested.

"I uh...can I...like, have a word? Not here though." He added, looking around the empty hallways to be sure nobody was listening. God, that was gonna sound so stupid. This was so dumb...

Stan was pretty anxious, but he couldn't find anyone else that would know the answer to the questions he had in his head. After a long day of inner debate, he had finally gathered the guts to confront Craig Tucker.

"Why? Tweek's waiting for me, I don't have time for you." The teen's gaze remained blank, his voice monotone and unengaged, clearly just wanting to get out of this situation quickly to go back to his boyfriend.

"Just a sec', dude. It's just...something I can only ask you. Please..." Stan insisted with a pleading look, the desperation evident in his tone and the tension in his shoulders.

Craig's expression softened slightly and he let out a sigh, nodding reluctantly. He took his phone from his pocket, presumably to tell Tweek he'd be a bit longer, before turning back to Stan and nodding in his usual, almost cold, manner. "Lead the way then." His usual neutral tone was tinged with a hint of impatience, but at least Stan had his chance now.

They found a secluded corner outside, where they were unlikely to be overheard. It didn't stop Stan from giving a last, paranoid glance around to make sure there really was no one here that would rat him out before letting out a shaky breath. Now that he had Craig's full attention and they had privacy, Stan felt suddenly very unsure.

"So...uh, you're gay...and have a boyfriend and all that, so..." Stan stumbled over his own words. Why the hell did he think this would be a good idea?

"Please tell me this isn't going where I think it is." Craig said with a long, tired sigh. "Look Marsh, just because I'm gay, doesn't make me an all-knowing sage on the topic, you know?"

"Well, I didn't know who else to ask!" Stan quickly defended, feeling a wave of embarrassment wash over his cheeks at his friend's reaction. "I just wanted to know how...did you know...like—"

"How did I know that I’m gay." Craig cut him, a heavy and exasperated eye roll directed at him, before he sighed again, as if this was going to be a huge waste of his precious time. Stan felt himself wilt under that hard, judgmental gaze, but nodded nonetheless.

"Y-yeah, that. I mean...you know people...well, my dad—I mean, some people think...Kyle and I...but we're not—like, we're straight, you know? I just...Wendy said some stuff, and now I’m overthinking everything but—I mean, I like girls...I...think? I mean, I wasn't actually in love with Wendy, but I still found her pretty! So I can't be into guys, right?" Stan's speech came out rushed and almost incoherent as his words tumbled out.

"...Did you seriously come up to me to ask that?" Craig asked flatly.

"Yes! Dude! It's...it's kinda important, I can't talk to the guys about that! I just...how do I know if...if I'm, like, into guys?" Stan repeated himself, a bit calmer than his earlier, panicked rambling.

"Do you find some guys hot or attractive in the least?" Craig asked simply as if it was the most evident answer in the world.

"What? I-I mean—" Stan faltered, his voice cracking a bit in embarrassment. How the hell would he even know if a guy was attractive?

"Do. you. Find some men. Hot." The question was stated slowly, bluntly, leaving no room for misinterpretation or any type of ambiguity.

"No! Yes...? I dunno! How do you know the difference between when you look at a dude and...like, find him handsome in a platonic way or when it's, like...in a gay way?" Stan stammered out, the uncertainty and nervousness in his tone palpable.

"Ever catch yourself checking out guys in the locker room?" Craig quirked an eyebrow at him.

"I—sometimes, but..." He had to cut his response short when images suddenly began to flash in his mind—Kenny's smile as he stripped down to his underwear, his lean yet defined torso, those abs, the faintest trace of blond hair trailing down from his navel...Kyle's toned figure and his own faint trail of red hair, his soft yet sharp green eyes locking with his...

Shit.

"...Fuck..." Stan mumbled, his voice barely a whisper, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment at the thoughts he couldn't push away.

"I'm going to interpret that as a yes." Craig's tone held a note of smugness, his stoic face breaking into an amused smirk. Stan, on the other hand, could only groan, covering his face in embarrassment. He felt mortified and ashamed by his reaction.

"But I'm into girls!" Stan protested weakly. "I know I find them attractive! I'm not as bad as Kenny but..."

"So? You know you can be into both, right?" Craig pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Which...yeah...it was. He wasn't an idiot. Stan knew that much but...he never considered it would actually be his case. "I...guess I forgot it was an option." He muttered, staring down at the ground. He hadn't really taken a second to think that being bisexual could be a thing that was...like, something that could apply to him.

"Okay, well...you've got your answer." Craig concluded and simply turned to leave.

Stan quickly glanced at him in confusion. "Wait, that's it? I'm...just...what, I'm into both?" He repeated back, still trying to process this newfound discovery.

"Yes, dumbass, that's the entire deal of it, you like both, that's called being bisexual. Now, I got somewhere else to be." Craig's tone was dismissive, clearly indicating the end of their discussion.

"...But I...how...what do I do about it?" Stan stammered out, still confused and unsure, feeling like this revelation didn't answer anything for him at all. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?

"Not my problem, Marsh, I'm not your therapist. Deal with it, have a great time. Goodbye." The teen simply waved as he walked away, not bothering to even look back.

Great. That sure was helpful.

With an aggravated sigh, Stan started heading back to his own destination: the park. Kyle was waiting for him, after all, and he needed a distraction before his head exploded from overthinking everything. Had he always looked at his friends with that kind of...interest? Did he actually find guys attractive? Had he just ignored that part of himself all this time? Goddammit, why was everything so complicated in his stupid little brain?

Once he arrived in the basketball court, his mind was still reeling, trying to untangle his conflicting thoughts, when the figure of Kyle already practicing came into view. Dribbling the ball confidently, the redhead easily made a clean shot as Stan watched. There was something hypnotic about it, the smoothness and grace in Kyle's moves.

Kenny was playing with him while Cartman took a bunch of photos, he seemed to have taken his interest in photography to the next step lately...or something. The blond spotted Stan first, waving to catch his attention, then Kyle noticed him and a grin immediately spread on his features as he took the opportunity to grab his water bottle. That was enough to snap the black-haired teen out of his daze.

"Took your sweet time, dude. We were getting worried the old fart caught you or something." The redhead snickered, taking a big sip of his drink, a slight sheen of sweat glistening on his skin from his earlier exertion, and the way his Adam's apple bobbed slightly as he swallowed—

Oh, for fuck sake.

"Yeah, sorry, uh, I just needed a bit more time to, um, avoid getting spotted." He wasn't even entirely lying.

"Why are you even bothering with football?" Cartman huffed as he took another picture, eyeing Stan. "It just gets in the way of our fun, and we already got the jew obsessed with basketball to deal with. No needs for another sport-nut around here."

"Because I enjoy playing." Stan answered, rolling his eyes at his friend's dramatic whining, as he approached. "I just don't want my entire life revolving around it, I have other stuff that matters to me too." He shrugged it off, as if it was obvious.

He knew Cartman was only complaining because he wasn't as interested in those activities and got bored easily if they didn't pay full attention to him, but Stan wasn't about to sacrifice his own interests and pleasures to please that selfish fatass, no matter what. Even if that was kinda endearing in a weird, Cartman kind of way. That he always needed to be the center of everything and yet also pretended he didn't care or wanted it, when it was so obvious.

It was...almost cute, if Cartman was even allowed to be called 'cute'.

"And I'm not "obsessed" with basketball!" Kyle grumbled, rolling his eyes and putting the bottle down on the side, before he threw the ball at the dark-haired teen to catch. "It's not because your fat ass is bad at sports, that everyone is obsessed if they actually succeed in it. Stop bitching around, dickhole, and put the camera down. We're playing and you're joining."

Cartman, as stubborn and confrontational as ever, huffed and planted himself onto one of the benches instead of joining. "Fuck off, Kahl. I'm doing whatever the fuck I wanna do, and the light is just fucking perfect to take pictures, I'm not letting it pass me." He growled, focusing again on his device.

"You're just as obsessed as them, dude." Kenny commented with an amused huff. "Ever since you became serious about your pictures, it's like you can't leave your camera out of sight, you gotta bring it everywhere."

"When I'll be a billionaire and a famous photographer, you guys will beg me to take your picture, and I'll have the last laugh!" The teen huffed out, crossing his arms with a defiant frown. "Plus, it's not like those two fuckers even want to get a career in the sport industry, so I don't see why they gotta waste the precious free time that we, their beloved and dear friends, are offering to them to play dumb sport things."

Stan, Kyle and Kenny shared a look, their usual nonverbal way of saying "here goes the Cartman show again, everyone ignore him until he stops" and proceeded to play without paying any further mind to their dramatic, self-proclaimed "misunderstood genius" of a friend. He'd join as soon as he'll get bored, like he always did. The chubby teen could complain all he wanted about their sports obsessions, but in the end, if it annoyed him so much, he wouldn't bother tagging along every damned time.

It was proven even more that Saturday when Cartman showed up to Stan's game with the others, like every fucking time. And he could insist he was only there because he "didn’t have anything better to do", that excuse didn't hold much weight when he was snapping pictures of Stan playing like crazy.

Stan didn't question it. He was used to Cartman's brand of affection—hidden under layers of assholery and insults, as if it would kill him to admit to anyone that he enjoyed the time they spend together or something. The thought made a grin grow on his face. Of course the fatass would never change.

The locker room was alive with noise—laughter, shouting, and one of his teammates had to make a comment about his expression, asking if he was thinking of the reward his girlfriend would give him if they win today. His tone was lewd, suggestive, and earned some laughter from the others in the locker room, and a cheer that went along the lines of, "Our ace is finally going to score, boys!" His grin dropped in an instant at the words.

The team was always like this; a constant display of their masculinity, an endless cycle of bravado, dick-measuring, and talking up the girls they claimed to have hooked up with. Stan, always quiet, usually avoided being dragged in the middle of all that talk and noise, yet they always somehow ended up poking at him anyway.

It was another reason Stan was often skipping practice half the time.

"Don't you know his girlfriend dumped him?" Another member spoke up with a teasing grin, throwing a playful punch in Stan's direction, which the latter barely dodged, rolling his eyes at them and ignoring the remark.

"Aren't they together since like...ever though? What happened? What'd you do this time?" A third player piped up, joining in the playful ribbing session. It seemed to be the only thing his team members could bond over beside sports: girls and shitting on their teammates.

"It was a mutual break-up. Nothing to say about it." Stan retorted with a shrug, not bothering to mention how glad he was they'd stayed friends. Not that these guys would get it anyway. The locker room chatter continued, and he tried his best to ignore it. He didn't hate his teammates, some of them were even chill to hang out with, but God was the whole testosterone atmosphere of the football team getting old fast. He got enough of that with his dad and uncle Jimbo already, and it always made him feel...

Out of place.

Once he got on the field, all that locker-room tension dissipated. His gaze immediately falling on his three idiots cheering in the crowd, holding ridiculous homemade signs like "Stan is #1!" and "You got this, Stan!" while Butters and Bradley sat next to them in a more quiet and calm display, though...was it him or did Butters' new best friend seemed more happy to be there than usual?

Well, no matter. Once his gaze landed on the three faces who had been by his side through everything, it all started fading into the background, the world narrowing down to them—his anchor, his rocks, and all that sentimental shit.

Even so, Stan's chest still tightened a little when his eyes met those of Wendy who wasn't sitting far. A mixture of nostalgia, guilt, and an undefined sense of relief washing over him as they exchanged a friendly smile.

Maybe things were starting to really go back to normal between them, at last.

But for the time being, it was game time. And he needed to kick ass, if he didn't want to get an earful from the coach once back in the locker room. He was going to show them what a Marsh could really do. With a newfound determination and energy surging through him, Stan felt his muscles coil and relax, preparing for the intense physicality that football demanded.

Stan could almost taste the adrenaline, the mix of excitement and apprehension hanging thickly in the air as the teams faced each other.

The game itself passed in a blur—running, shouting, tackling, the roar of the crowd. Stan's senses heightened, his focus absolute, pushing aside all other thoughts. His mind was completely absorbed in the action unfolding, every inch of his being attuned to the field. That was the part he liked, the reason he stayed in the fucking team despite it all. The way everything could shut down except the ball and his moves.

Stan's breaths came heavy, sweat stung his eyes, but he pressed forward. The final minutes seemed endless, Stan's muscles ached with exhaustion, his lungs burned with each inhale and exhale (he'll have to remember to grab his inhaler once this was over, the cold air wasn't being kind to his asthmatic ass), but his spirit remained strong.

They were losing most of their games (no surprise there) and today's score wasn't much better. Still, the team's performance had improved from the previous games, their determination evident. And yes, Stan was for real the only one good at the sport in there, but at least his teammates didn't seem to care about that fact and tried to give their best.

It finally ended with a rare victory and the crowd's cheers reverberated in his ears. His team enveloped him, each pat, each exclamation of joy from his friends a satisfying conclusion, the elated exhaustion of the match still pulsing through every fiber of his being.

Once he was back to his friends, the group immediately closed on him in an almost overwhelming display of happiness for his victory. Stan's gaze found its way to Kyle's, a familiar twinkle of excitement dancing in his best friend's green eyes, mirroring the exhilaration Stan was experiencing.

"Damn dude! You totally wrecked their ass out there!" The redhead beamed with a bright and enthusiastic grin.

"And you can thank me for capturing all those iconic shots of the moment!" Cartman added smugly, waving the camera as if to remind everyone of his presence and the valuable contribution of documenting Stan's glory.

"For once you're actually doing something useful with that dumbass expensive thing..." Kenny teased the other, poking him playfully, earning an offended "Hey!"

"It really was a cool match!" Butters piped up, bouncing slightly in place, his light blond locks tousled from the wind and his baby blue eyes gleaming. "That tackle! Oh boy, you got 'em good, didn't ya, Stan?" His excitement was almost contagious, his pale features flushed by the enthusiasm, his cheeks a faint shade of pink, giving him a wholesome glow.

"I know right! He was fucking badass!" Kyle nodded. "And this is why the coach won't get off your ass even though you keep skipping." He laughed, slapping his hand against Stan's back playfully. He looked like he was so proud of him that the dark-haired teen's chest tightened a bit with emotion.

"Well, the guy's a dumb fucker who doesn't understand personal time, but even his stupidass brain knows that Stan's a fucking beast at this game!" Cartman snickered. "Even if, as a team, they're still fucking weak and keep losing, he's carrying their entire weight like a damn hero or something! They'd be a total embarrassment without him!"

"Thanks?" Stan answered, unsure if he should consider it as a compliment to himself or an insult to the team. It was probably meant as both, knowing that fat asshole. "You should all stop flattering me like that, seriously." He snorted.

"Hey, it's not our fault if you're the best at football out there!" Kenny chuckled, throwing an arm over his shoulder in a side-hug.

"I think I did my fair share of insulting earlier in the day." Cartman grinned smugly, crossing his arms with a self-satisfied air. Stan simply rolled his eyes in response.

"You were great, Stan." Wendy had approached them as they spoke, a genuine, soft smile on her lips. "And we're all very proud of you." She glanced toward his group of friends as she spoke, her gaze affectionate. The familiar warmth of their friendship filled his chest once more.

That was the kind of moment he wished to experience again with her. A comfortable companionship devoid of any romantic complications or drama. An understanding between two old friends who'd known each other for so long that even when things changed, a fundamental bond remained untouched.

Because even if he ended up realizing that he was never in love with her, that didn't mean their friendship was any less meaningful.

Chapter Text

The coffee table was packed with chips, soda, and a bunch of other little snacks that would satisfy even the bottomless pit that was Cartman...at least, Stan hoped so. Once his guests would be there, he'd also commend some pizzas to a place he'd been recommended, to be delivered straight to the house that would be all his for the day, his parents and his sister having decided to spend the weekend on a little family outing to give him space for his birthday.

It wasn't going to be a wild, fancy party or anything, he had promised his mom. Just a couple of friends eating together and hanging out in the house. He'd clean everything back after, don't you worry.

And honestly, he wasn't in the mood for something crazy, he had enough to think about already with his whole..."bisexual awakening", or whatever. He was still unsure about how the hell he'd never picked up the fact he had been attracted to the same gender, too. Now that he noticed, it suddenly seemed obvious and yet...there were still so many doubts. So many questions. Questions that seemed like such a big, insurmountable deal that his young mind couldn't wrap itself around. So yeah, no crazy parties.

There was a knock on the door and, of course, it was Kyle who had been the first to arrive.

"Hey, I thought I'd help you set everything before the others showed up." He told him, a box under his arm and a bright smile on his face. "So, Happy Birthday dude!" He shoved the gift into his best friend's hands and entered without waiting for permission.

"Thanks." Stan answered softly. It would never change, the warmth in his chest when Kyle showed up out of nowhere to offer his support and assistance, without a second thought, always willing to go that extra step just for him.

"Who else did you invite exactly? And, shit dude, you really did all that yourself?" He chuckled, looking around.

"My mom helped a bit before leaving, and you know, just the usual gang, I guess, not really anyone else than that." He shrugged as he opened his gift to reveal a new pair of headphones, with a little blue puffball at the top of each of the sides. "It matches my hat." He couldn't help a laugh.

"You need something cute to compensate your emo moods sometimes, what can I say." The redhead teased, a bright smile lighting up his features in the most endearing way before starting to help put everything in place.

How could Stan not notice sooner how much he found the guy cute?

Kyle had a faint spray of freckles across his cheekbones that were only really noticeable at a very close distance. His eyelashes, while short, framed his green eyes perfectly, a lovely emerald hue, like moss-covered stones by a stream after rainfall. His lips were...pursed a bit in concentration when he put them that way, and—fuck.

Was he really having a gay crisis about Kyle? His Super Best Friend? Now?! Of all times?! The timing was truly inconvenient, but then again, he should have expected this kind of disaster at his own birthday party, and yet here he was, caught completely off guard by his sudden realization that, holy shit, Kyle's smile made him feel weird now.

Well...it always made him feel something, a pleasant and warm sensation. Like a sunrise casting away the cold darkness of night, and bringing in the promise of a beautiful day, filled with hope. Yeah...kinda poetic, right? But...did it mean it was a crush?

His heart skipped a beat when their hands accidentally brushed against each other. Fuck. What was wrong with his brain? Why did everything have to become complicated suddenly? For how long had he felt this, without noticing?

The front door swung open before Stan had to attempt a feeble explanation for his sudden silence. Kenny, Cartman, Butters and Bradley entered, each with their own gift in hand. Then, little by little, all the others started showing up, distracting him momentarily from his newfound crisis.

"Stan, it's good to see you after so long!" Pip's voice was unmistakable as he entered the room. The blond's smile was sweet, his demeanor still carrying an air of gentleness, but he had changed quite a lot over the years.

It was...a bit of a weird thought, to think the boy had died all those years ago and the only reason they were meeting him now was because Damien's influence allowed it, but none of that was apparent on the blond's appearance. It was hard to imagine that beneath the warm, smooth complexion was anything other than the ordinary mortal body.

Honestly, Stan felt a bit guilty for how they used to treat him when he was alive...he hoped the guy didn't keep any bad blood over that. Damien trailed behind him, quiet and observant. While not being overtly affectionate in public, a subtle fondness in his gaze betrayed his emotions towards Pip.

It was mostly because of Kenny that they ended up keeping contact, whenever he'd go to hell after a death (thankfully, a more and more infrequent occurrence those past years), he'd hang out with them both. They'd also visit South Park from time to time, either for a date (because, yes, those two somehow got together for some obscure reason), or just for the sake of meeting them on rare enough occasions. They were, in their very own strange way, part of the group after all.

Butters hugged the other blond with the enthusiasm of seeing an old friend, while Cartman simply groaned at his presence, an old reflex by now that barely meant anything anymore. "Pip! It's good to see ya! How's it going? Is your boyfriend treating you well?" He asked cheerfully as he pulled back.

Bradley seemed surprised at the mention of them being a couple. "A-another gay couple...? I...I didn't expect that..." He stammered, glancing between them.

"I told ya! No one here would mind you coming out, Bradley." Butters pouted at him.

"Yeah, no one's really making a big fucking deal out of gay people around here anymore, they've seen plenty." Kyle chimed in with a casual shrug.

Stan couldn't help but notice Craig giving him a glance before he turned back his attention to his boyfriend, a smirk forming on the dark-haired boy's lips, whispering something to Tweek who laughed in response. Asshole was clearly finding Stan's confusion about his own sexuality amusing.

Bradley was biting the nail of his thumb. "It's just..." He mumbled nervously, as if not sure how to word it. "I...I had some...bad experiences with people not being so...kind." He explained vaguely.

"Oh, yeah, you met Butters at that...conversion camp thing or something like that, right?" Stan asked, the boy hadn't given much details about what kind of place it had been but...he'd need to be an idiot to not realize what the "bi-curious" camp would stand for. And, from Bradley's behavior, it certainly couldn't have been anything good.

Bradley seemed a bit uncomfortable, like he was struggling with something internally. He glanced quickly between Butters and the others, before giving a hesitant nod, his shoulders visibly tensed.

Stan had never been the most perceptive about people, but his friend's silence was enough to confirm the gravity of his experiences, and to indicate that the subject wasn't open for discussion right now.

"Well, there's only a bunch of fags in this fucking place, anyway. You ain't anything special, Big Gay Al wannabe." Cartman chimed in. There was no malice in his tone, instead an oddly comforting note, almost as if the comment was supposed to make him feel included in some bizarre way. Or maybe it was only his idea to get rid of the sudden, heavy atmosphere that was building up.

Kenny elbowed him in the ribs, probably finding him too insensitive. "The asshole is trying to say you'll fit well, Brad." He sighed, before turning his attention back to the newest addition to the group with an apologetic smile.

The tension in Bradley's shoulders seemed to fade as he listened to Cartman and Kenny's banter. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Thanks." He smiled weakly, a genuine hint of relief visible on his face.

The conversation gradually moved onto other subjects, and Stan couldn't help glancing back at Kyle, noticing the way his green eyes lit up as he laughed, how he absentmindedly twirled the fraying ends of his red curls, the subtle way he kept checking up on everyone, the kindness radiated with each action. He really did admire how considerate his best friend was.

He always thought Kyle was someone truly exceptional. And yet, there was more to this admiration now, something stirring within that made his stomach flutter. Maybe he should ask Craig about it, though...how helpful could that ass really be? And obviously, he couldn't ask Kyle about that...

His eyes fell on Wendy, chatting happily with the others, and he remembered the advice she gave him during their conversation when they broke up: "Maybe...maybe you should pay more attention to the people around you, and the...nature of their presence". At the time, he'd thought she'd simply meant that he should be more careful before getting into a new relationship, to not make the same mistake of misunderstanding his feelings twice. But maybe it went beyond that? As if there was something in plain sight that he hadn't been considering.

Would it be weird to ask his ex-girlfriend about a potential crush? Would she take offense if that person was Kyle? It wasn't like she and Stan had ended on bad terms...quite the contrary. They were still friendly and considerate towards one another. So perhaps she would understand his predicament and be willing to provide some insights. Yeah...that might work, right? Asking a girl could be a great idea.

As Stan was mulling this over, the doorbell rang. "Pizza!" Cartman shouted, already leaping from his seat to go grab their dinner. Everyone settled into comfortable positions on the floor or sofa around the coffee table, plates and pizza boxes spread out as the television droned quietly in the background, creating a relaxed and warm ambiance that filled the room with a sense of homely comfort.

Kyle was half-leaning against Kenny's side as they were talking with Thomas, the guy with Tourette who had been a long-distance friend of his before moving to South Park a few months ago apparently, their laughs and teasing comments blending with the background chatter of the other around them. Cartman was loudly retelling an event at the school from last week, his animated expressions and voice inflections capturing everyone's attention, the atmosphere was filled with an effortless camaraderie.

Somehow, Butters and Bradley seemed even closer than usual, and there was this little sparkle in Butters' blue eyes as he spoke that seemed to hint that, perhaps, something had happened between the two lately...or maybe that was Stan overanalyzing things.

Maybe his own "bi awakening" was making him project too much on his friends' relationship.

"Stan? You good? You're being real quiet here, dude." Kyle's voice snapped him out of his reverie. Right, this wasn't about everyone else, this was his birthday.

"Sorry, uh...just lost in thoughts, I guess." Stan replied with a sheepish grin.

"Are we boring the birthday boy here?" Craig teased. "If we're such bad company, I'm sure Tweek and I could bail so you could have peace."

"I bet you two just want to go fuck somewhere!" Cartman interjected without missing a beat, and Tweek choked on his soda with a mortified gasp.

"What?! No!" He cried out, face flushing a bright red. "Agh! God! Why do you always have to go there, Cartman?!"

Craig immediately leaned in, gently patting Tweek's back as he coughed, trying to recover. "Easy there, Tweek." He murmured before turning his gaze back towards the group. "Just ignore that asshole, he's being a fucking dumbass."

"I'm not the fucking dumbass, I'm just the only honest motherfucker in this place." He snorted loudly, shoving a huge bite of pizza into his mouth as the others rolled their eyes.

"Said the guy who—Cock!—who fake disorders for "fun"..." Thomas shot back, an eyebrow quirked in a questioning manner, daring the larger teen to counter him on his point.

"Oh, just get over it already! It was ages ago!" He whined back. "God, I hate you guys so much! I should just ditch your sorry asses and go have better friends!" Cartman groaned dramatically.

"You'd die of boredom, fat boy, stop bullshitting." Stan couldn't suppress the chuckle escaping his throat as he shook his head. Cartman might complain about how he hated them, and how he was better than all of them, but he knew deep down Cartman would never leave their little group.

"As if anyone else would put up with all the stupid bullshit you keep pulling up." Kyle scoffed. "Just face the truth and accept that we're your best friends."

Cartman's response came in the form of flipping him off with both hands, an unamused glare and an over-exaggerated, "Fuck you, Kahl".

As the attention shifted away from him, Stan took the opportunity to reach for another slice of his pizza, and savoring each bite as he watched his friends argue in that same old pattern they always did, it had become strangely endearing in his eyes.

Once the pizza was completely devoured, it was time to get the cake his mom had left in the fridge. It wasn't the biggest birthday celebration but, honestly? This kind of thing was exactly what he needed right now: a simple gathering of his favorite people, eating, chatting, and having a great time together, even when they were bickering.

No, actually...the bickering was part of the fun now.

Wendy's words continued to play in his mind. She had always been smart and observant. She was always quick to pick up on things most others would overlook...If there was anyone who could help him make sense of this newfound awareness about himself, it was her.

While Kyle was gone to the bathroom, Cartman and Kenny were busy playing video games and everyone was otherwise distracted, he decided it was his chance to approach the girl and talk privately.

"Wendy? Uh...could I talk with you in private?" He asked her, feeling nervous.

She didn't seem surprised, nodding in response. "Sure. What's on your mind, Stan?" Her soft smile and calm tone of voice was reassuring in a comforting, familiar way. As she rose, she followed him quietly as they retreated to another, quieter corner of the house.

Once alone with Wendy, the words just spilled out of Stan's mouth. "Alright, uh, I hope this won't come out weird, but—like, you've always been more...observant than me, so..." He paused, taking a steadying breath before continuing. "Do you think I have a crush on Kyle?" The words tumbled out in a rush, his nerves palpable.

Wendy blinked, seeming a bit taken aback. Not exactly by the question itself, it looked more like...she hadn't quite expected Stan to be so direct about the matter. "Well...I had a feeling, but...I didn't really want to make an assumption and say something before you were fully ready to consider that possibility."

Stan felt a knot forming in his stomach at her reply. Had it really been that obvious for so long?

"How did you...I mean, what tipped you off about it? Since...since when did you think I could, maybe...like him?" His words came out hesitant, his mind racing trying to sort out the many thoughts now swarming within him.

"Stan...who's the person you're always talking about? Who is almost constantly by your side?" Her tone was patient, guiding without directly giving away the answer. "Who is the person you would go through anything for? Whose happiness means the world to you? Who makes your day better by just existing?"

Stan swallowed, the weight of Wendy's words settling heavy on him. The realization hit him with surprising force—this was more than just an appreciation for a close friendship, wasn't it?

"I..." His voice was hardly above a whisper as a range of emotions flickered in his blue eyes. His heart started beating a little bit faster as he spoke the words out loud. "Kyle...Kyle has been the most important person to me for...forever now."

"Yes." Wendy confirmed softly, a small smile dancing at the corners of her mouth. "I believe you've always felt that way...you just...didn't know how to express it. But it was always clear in your actions. The depth of your care for him, how much his happiness means to you. You're Super Best Friends." Her voice carried an understanding that Stan hadn't quite known he'd needed to hear. She wasn't upset or hurt. It felt like...like acceptance.

"You're...you're not bothered by that, are you? I mean..." Stan hesitated, then plowed forward. "I was in a relationship with you while being...well, apparently being in love with him?"

A hint of melancholy shadowed her smile. "We were kids, Stan. We already discussed how this was doomed from the beginning, remember?" A gentle sigh escaped her lips as her gaze grew reflective. "But what really matters is, now we've grown. We're more self-aware. We know better."

"I just...feel stupid. Why did it take me so long to notice this?" He muttered, feeling his face heating up with embarrassment. It had been obvious, hadn't it? To everyone else but himself...why? "Why have I been so blind to this for all this time?"

Wendy laughed lightly at his exasperated expression, shaking her head. "Don't beat yourself up. Life isn't a straight line, and love is a tricky emotion to navigate." She placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "But it seems you figured it out. Better late than never, right?"

He thought about the way Kyle's smile always seemed to brighten up his day, no matter what. How even in their lowest moments, having his friend by his side made the weight seem just a bit lighter, the road ahead a little clearer. His touch always felt different, too.

He loved him. Had been loving him since the very beginning, hadn't he?

"I guess so..." He admitted, trying to get over the frustration of having been oblivious for so long. "But...now what do I do? I can't just...walk up to him and say 'hey dude, I just realized I'm totally in love with you!'"

"Why not?" Wendy chuckled, tilting her head slightly. "Seems direct and effective."

"You're a horrible wingwoman!" He complained with a playful eye roll, a smile playing at the corner of his lips despite himself. "Thanks...uh...I still feel pretty bad that you got caught in the middle of all this, though, you deserve so much better—"

She shook her head. "Please, Stan, it's alright." Wendy reassured him. "Really. And I'm actually a great wingwoman! Just ask Bebe." She paused, then added. "And I'm sure Kyle feels the same, he's probably just as blind as you were. So, please, give it a shot. Don't be scared of his answer, alright?"

He couldn't resist the small smile tugging at his lips. "You really think it could work?" He asked, feeling his hopes rising just a little bit. "He never really...showed any interest in guys, as far as I know. I don't wanna make our friendship all weird if it turns out to be one-sided..."

"Even if it turns out to be the case, he's your friend. He wouldn't make things weird just because you have feelings for him." The young woman said, gently pushing him out of their little private space to get back to their group. "Go for it."

"I'll...I'll think about it." Stan answered with a small nod. There was no way he could just spring the question on Kyle at the party. No, that definitely felt like a terrible idea, even though he'd love to have his feelings sorted out as quickly as possible, rather than having this uncertainty dangling over his head.

"Stan, where did you run off to? Cartman keeps beating our asses, we need backup!" Kyle called out. Stan felt his heart flutter just a bit, the sound of the other boy's voice bringing a familiar warmth in his chest. Now that he was aware of his feelings, it was hard to ignore the way each little detail made him feel a little more giddy, and...kind of dumb?

"Alright, alright." He responded with a lopsided grin, as he tried to hide the mess of emotions swirling inside. He'd think about telling him, really. Just...later. For now, he'd focus on his friends, and enjoy what was left of his birthday celebration.

Chapter Text

Stan couldn't concentrate.

The numbers and symbols in his maths textbook swirled around in a jumbled, indecipherable mass. It wasn't that the maths itself was too complex for him; no, his mind was elsewhere. His focus was shattered. His gaze kept shifting, drawn inexorably towards Kyle, who sat beside him, diligently scribbling down notes as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

It was already a few days since his birthday and he was still debating on the confession matter.

With every glance at Kyle, he couldn't help but recall the discussion with Wendy and replay their childhood interactions, the laughter, the fights, and everything in between, seeing their interactions in a whole new light now that he had understood what those feelings really were. There was no doubt about it anymore: he had a crush on his best friend.

A crush that had probably started before he even understood the very concept of romantic feelings...No wonder people were seeing right through him and picking up on that long before he himself did. He still couldn't wrap his mind around how long he had been so oblivious...

But it didn't mean Kyle felt the same. The guy had never shown any explicit interest towards guys as far as Stan knew. Sure, his sexuality hadn't really been the main topic of their conversation...and...okay, he'd rarely ever mentioned having any kind of crush on a girl either...he did showed some interest in a few girls when they were kids but...it never went anywhere.

Though, it'd been a few years now that he'd completely stopped mentioning anything related to romance, and didn't seem that eager to try getting a girlfriend either...Could it mean something? No, Stan was overthinking. Probably. Maybe. Who knew? Certainly not Stan, who now regretted never trying to have such discussions with Kyle...

His thought were suddenly interrupted by the shrill ringing of the school bell, indicating the end of the lesson. He sighed as he gathered up his scattered belongings into his backpack, glancing back over at Kyle. Again. Because apparently, his brain wasn't done overthinking about all this, yet.

"...Okay, seriously, what's up with you? You've been zoning out like, every five seconds. Are you okay?" Kyle's voice was filled with concern, as if Stan was a puzzle that needed solving.

"Yeah...Yeah, I'm okay, just..." Stan's words trailed off, his heart quickening at the realization that Kyle had picked up on his distracted behavior. "...I've been thinking about...something."

"Something?" Kyle raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Uh...yeah." Stan struggled to keep a nonchalant façade. He couldn't just blurt out his feelings at the first signs of inquiry. Not without making it weird.

"Mind sharing what this 'something' is?" Kyle pressed. Stan's eyes darted anywhere and everywhere except towards Kyle. "Dude? Earth to Stan?"

Stan felt the weight of Kyle's inquiring gaze as they walked side-by-side down the bustling school hallways, the clatter of lockers and idle chatter of passing students providing a stark contrast to the tense silence building between them.

Stan let out a soft sigh, knowing that his friend was far too stubborn to let the subject drop easily. "Look...I can't tell you...yet. It's..." He paused, trying to find the right words. It was a bit hard to explain things to your best friend when said best friend also happened to be the exact topic of the thing that was worrying you. "I don't...I need to think this over."

His heart seemed to beat out of rhythm, an overwhelming feeling of discomfort spreading through his chest as his mind was filled with anxiety. Would Kyle see through his attempts at diverting attention from his thoughts?

"Dude, it sounds pretty big, whatever it is." Kyle pointed out, a note of worry clear in his tone. He seemed genuinely concerned. "I mean...we're Super Best Friends. You can tell me anything, right? If it's bothering you so much—"

"No, no! Don't—" Stan cut himself off, shaking his head to try and calm his rising anxiety and avoid making his friend suspicious. "Just...give me some time to sort things out. I...want to clear my head first, yeah?"

It was an odd, almost dizzying sensation, being under Kyle's intense gaze, trying his best to remain unreadable and calm, hoping that he wasn't somehow giving his secret away without meaning to. Why did the redhead have to be so observant? Stan was glad that was a part of his character that hadn't changed since their childhood...but right now, he definitely wasn't helping Stan keeping his cool.

Another voice suddenly joined the conversation. "What's the matter? Stan is still being a little emo bitch?" Cartman's obnoxious laugh was loud enough to break the tension that had started building between Stan and his friend. It seemed to have the opposite effect on Kyle, whose expression shifted into an irritated glare directed towards Cartman.

"Do you have to fucking barge into our fucking business like that? Seriously, you have all the tact and finesse of a damn bulldozer, asshole." Kyle snapped back, annoyance dripping from his voice.

"Ouch, chill. I'm just asking!" Cartman retorted defensively as Kenny followed, a smirk playing at his lips, as always amused by his two friends' bickering. "You don't have to be so fucking protective of your little boyfriend."

"Shut up, fatass." Kyle groaned, exasperated, and threw a pointed look towards Kenny. "And Kenny, quit enjoying this shit."

"Sorry." Kenny chuckled, not appearing the least bit apologetic. "But seriously, you two can't stay more than 3 minutes alone without starting to argue."

"It's not my fault if Kahl here keep bitching at every fucking thing." Cartman protested in an unconvincing act of innocence, triggering an immediate response from Kyle.

"I bitch? Oh, that's rich coming from the whiniest fucker on Earth!" He shot back without skipping a beat.

"And here they go again..." Kenny mumbled with an amused smirk.

Stan sighed quietly. Even though it was an all too familiar scenario—Cartman stirring the pot and Kyle taking the bait—it felt...exhausting today, when all he really wanted was to get back to his own thoughts, and avoid making things more awkward with Kyle...he didn't really want to join the banter today...

"By the way, you're free after school?" The blond asked as he ignored the two bickering friends in front of him and looked at Stan. "Grand Wizard fatass wanted to start his new campaign idea."

"Nah, I really need to show up at practice today or the coach will kick my ass." Stan sighed, rubbing his neck, a bit guilty at the thought. As tempting as it sounded to hang out and forget all the emotional rollercoaster he was going through lately...he still needed to show up at least sometimes.

"Oh, yeah, you did skipped almost everyday lately. You better show up." The other boy teased with a laugh, playfully nudging at Stan's side. "If he does kicks you off the team though, you know we'll keep a seat available for you, so don't worry too much about that!"

"Oh, shut up." Stan replied, though there was a hint of amusement in his voice as he looked back at Kyle and Cartman, still exchanging heated words. It was pretty ridiculous at this point how the two managed to argue over everything.

"Well, you're the only reason the team has managed to win some games at all, so I think you're pretty safe there." Kyle chimed back in, they all knew it was the truth...and the only reason the coach even (reluctantly) allowed Stan to keep missing a few days per week.

"For once, I gotta agree with the jew here, the coach is probably too desperate to lose your sorry ass." Cartman admitted, his tone still carrying a note of teasing.

"What's that? Is Cartman trying to compliment me?" Stan feigned disbelief, his hand pressing to his heart dramatically as he let out a theatrical gasp, earning a snort from Kenny. "What kind of trick are you pulling, asshole?"

"Fuck off, hippie. It's not because the whole team are a bunch of fucking morons that you're a football genius." Cartman defended himself. "I'm just stating the facts."

"Then why are you always taking a billion pictures of him each match?" Kenny chimed in, clearly enjoying the teasing session. Cartman looked away, visibly embarrassed by the comment.

"You just don't understand anything about photography!" The larger teen scoffed defensively. "I like the composition and colors, not his ugly mug, for fuck's sake!"

"Oh, yes, yes, sure." Kenny chuckled, clearly not believing the lie.

"I'm not fucking lying, goddammit. Why does no one fucking believes what I fucking say?" Cartman whined. The other three just looked back at him, not even dignifying that with a verbal response.

It didn't take much longer for Stan to have to part ways with them and hurry up to practice. It was a relief to put on the familiar pads and helmet, the routine of it settling his chaotic thoughts just slightly, at least temporarily.

The repetitive warm-up exercises, the feeling of the turf beneath his cleats, the shouts of his teammates as they prepared for their training—it all was grounding, a temporary distraction. He took a deep breath, trying to shut out the relentless echo of his internal struggles and the worries about confessing.

As much as he preferred hanging out with his friends than being stuck with training, right now...it wasn't a bad moment to just let everything else melt away to focus on something else entirely. Still, he couldn't continue to run away from those feelings forever...Could he? Kyle already caught on that he has been acting weird lately...

"Marsh, you already only barely show up for practice, could you at least put a tiny bit of effort when you do bother to show up? Or are you here just to waste everyone's time?" His coach's sharp reprimand shook him out of his daydream. "Pay attention!" Stan winced, trying to pull his focus back to the present.

Even here, he ended up thinking too much...

"Yes, sorry, Coach." He apologized, shaking his head quickly as he attempted to push all the thoughts of Kyle out of his mind. The man was clearly frustrated by the lack of enthusiasm from Stan, but he sighed, resigning himself to the situation, at least temporarily, as training continued.

As the final whistle blew, Stan pulled off his helmet, letting the cool air hit his face. He'd made it through practice, but his thoughts remained stubbornly on Kyle. Now that he was made aware of it, he couldn't keep his mind from straying in that direction. What should he do with this knowledge about himself, now that he was aware of his own romantic feelings toward Kyle?

He simply couldn't hide from reality for much longer...even though a small, scared voice within his head was screaming at him to try.

Be it in the locker room or on the way home, the same whirlpool of emotions continued to circle in his head relentlessly. He was getting sick of it, of doubting everything so much, of overthinking about a situation where the obvious solution was to go talk with his Super Best Friend, but...

The simple idea of confessing and risking the embarrassment, or the rejection, or making their friendship awkward...He really didn't want to do anything that could jeopardize their relationship. He didn't want things to get awkward or weird, and...

And yet, the constant worry was starting to take a toll. He was tired, and he wanted things to move on, to just...have closure. He was getting nowhere by hesitating and avoiding the matter like he'd been doing. Beside, Wendy was right, Kyle wasn't the type to let that kind of thing destroy a friendship. If Stan just went for it, and if it turns out he doesn't have a chance...well, they were best friends, Super Best Friends...that would remain unchanged, right?

Yes, he just had to face him and...tell him the truth. His stomach twisted in an uncomfortable knot of nervousness, his palms sweating just slightly as the adrenaline of the idea ran through him, yet...he needed to get it off his chest.

He got up from his bed, where he had been laying aimlessly for the past twenty minutes since getting back from practice, and grabbed his phone to quickly type a message.

"I'm coming over, we need to talk"

Before he could start doubting himself again, Stan immediately shoved his phone into the back pocket of his jeans, and stormed off his room, heading downstairs and out of his home. He was running more than walking at this point, as he made his way to the Broflovski's house. His heart was hammering against his ribs and his stomach was filled to the brim with butterflies.

He just...had to let it all out, to stop keeping everything contained. The sooner the words left his mouth, the faster this weight on his shoulders would be gone.

It was a bit out of breath that he arrived in front of Kyle's home and knocked on their front door. After a short moment, Kyle's mother opened, looking a bit surprised to see Stan but not displeased in the least, quite the opposite. "Ah, hello, Stanley! Nice to see you here. Kyle is upstairs, I'm sure he would be delighted to see you." Sheila greeted Stan with her usual kind, gentle smile.

"Oh! Yeah. I hope I'm not bothering or anything...uh..." Stan gave her an awkward smile, rubbing the back of his neck as he tried to regain his breath and steady his racing pulse.

"Of course not! You know you're always welcome here." She quickly assured the young man as she ushered him in, closing the door behind him. As much as Kyle's mom could be...intense and overbearing with her son, she was also always friendly, kind, and incredibly hospitable. Especially toward him and Kenny (Cartman was...a bit more hit or miss, and her patience wasn't exactly limitless). "Kyle, honey? Stanley is here!" She called up at him from the foot of the stairs.

Stan muttered a small thanks, making his way up to Kyle's room. As he approached the slightly open door, his nerves kicked back in, his mouth dry and heart pounding, he really was about to do that, wasn't he?

"Dude, what was that about wanting to ta—" The redhead looked up, the words dying on his tongue as Stan entered his bedroom, a sudden worry appearing on his features. "You look like you just ran a marathon..." He noted with an incredulous tone. Stan was, indeed, still a bit out of breath from practically running all the way here from his house, but at this point, it wasn't only that...

"Uh...I..." Stan's words got stuck in his throat, and his eyes were fixed on his best friend who was currently staring right back at him from his desk chair. This was it, the moment he had to let it all out. "I need to tell you something...Something I should've noticed years ago—no, maybe even more than years..."

"Uh, okay. That's...suddenly very intense." Kyle replied slowly, eyebrows raising in surprise as he tried to understand where his friend was heading with all this.

"Shit, just...I'm..." Stan sighed heavily. This was definitely harder than he'd expected it to be, even though it felt like it shouldn't be this nerve-wrecking. It was his Super Best Friend for fuck's sake, but then again...maybe that was the exact reason why it was so difficult? He didn't want to ruin a life-long friendship that was this dear to his heart.

But...at this point, it was even more stressful to keep hiding, right?

"Hey, whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't bite." Kyle said, a slight teasing note in his voice, clearly trying to ease Stan's tension. He was still observing him closely with concern.

There was a palpable pause as Stan gathered up all his willpower.

"...Kyle...I have feelings for you, dude. A lot more than I should...more than just, you know, best buddies and all..." The confession slipped out of his mouth in a jumble of hurried words. His voice wavered slightly at the admission, a blush creeping up to his cheeks. There, it was out.

Now...he just had to hope he hadn't made a huge mistake.

Chapter Text

The sound of a new message notification on Kyle's phone pulled him out of his focused studying. His attention drifted from his math homework towards his phone screen, curiosity bubbling up as he unlocked his phone, revealing the notification. It was from Stan.

"I'm coming over, we need to talk."

The redhead frowned, Stan had been acting kind of weird since his break up with Wendy a few weeks back. He knew it must've messed him up pretty badly, even if the two of them had been in this circle of 'break up and make up again' a few times, but he had been oddly quiet about it...usually, he'd complain, and get all moopy around the rest of them and vent about it.

Stan did said that he hadn't actually been in love with Wendy but...it was a little hard to believe when the dude had been completely obsessed with her for years now...So Kyle had simply decided that it was probably a lie his friend was telling himself, and that was fine. Some people had a hard time admitting they got their heart broken and needed time to accept that.

Not that Kyle had much first-hand experiences with that sort of things, the few times he'd try to win a girl over when he was a kid never really worked out...Not that he'd tried very hard anyway. It was more the idea of dating in general, the social expectation to do so, rather than a particular interest in girls, that had pushed him. And lately...well, he stopped caring about that.

He'd welcome it if the right one came, of course, but if not then it wasn't something he'd really lose sleep over. He had his friends, and he was busy with his school work too, as well as helping Ike from time to time with his own assignments (though his younger brother was usually perfectly able to do everything without anyone's help anyway).

Either way, Stan had been unusually reserved these few last weeks, and Kyle was starting to worry about him, he'd never seen his Super Best Friend so shut down like this before...and now, a sudden message saying "I'm coming over" without much explanation or context?

Kyle was definitely worried now.

It didn't take long before Stan arrived, and he could hear his mother welcoming him and calling for Kyle to notify him that Stan had come. As if he didn't know already, from the message and now from the hurried steps climbing up the stairs toward his room...

"Dude, what was that about wanting to ta—" The young man trailed off mid-sentence when his gaze found the other. His friend was standing there in the middle of the hallway, catching his breath. His cheeks were a bit red, probably from the effort. "You look like you just ran a marathon..." Kyle noted, feeling a little surprised at his friend's unusual disheveled state.

And then, the most unexpected words started tumbling out of the other boy's lips.

"...Kyle...I have feelings for you, dude. A lot more than I should...more than just, you know, best buddies and all..." The confession left Stan's mouth in an ungraceful string of jumbled words. His voice was wobbling just a little, and the boy was staring intensely at the ground, as if he couldn't bear looking anywhere else at the moment.

As the words began sinking in, Kyle's eyes grew wider and wider. "W-wait..." He started, still processing what just happened. "You're saying that—"

"Please...Please don't freak out, or—or think this is weird. Fuck..." Stan stammered, his words growing quicker, more desperate. "I just—I can't keep it in, alright? I didn't know that I was—well—into guys, until like, last week...after the break-up with Wendy, I...I really thought about that a lot and...I asked Craig for advice and...well, he wasn't that useful but...I ended up realizing that I'm a fucking dumbass who was so blind for way too fucking long and—" His eyes squeezed shut, as though bracing for impact.

"...Alright, take a deep breath dude, calm down, you're talking so fast you'll run out of breath and get an asthma attack at this rate!" Kyle cut in, his own anxiety building up as he tried to understand the situation. Was he supposed to feel happy or weird? He wasn't exactly sure but he wanted to avoid hurting Stan in any case... "I'm not freaking out, so don't...freak out yourself!"

There was a silent pause, filled only by Stan taking in a shaky breath before slowly exhaling.

"Alright..." Kyle took a slow breath himself, his words careful, deliberate. "So you're...interested in boys. Okay. But, why do you think you have feelings for me? You...we never—"

"That's...that's the thing." Stan said quietly. His fingers were nervously fidgeting and he seemed reluctant to say anything. "It's not...recent. Or something that just, you know—popped in my head or whatever. I'm not fucking with you. It's been there...for so long, it's—I've had a fucking crush on you since kindergarten probably. Just didn't know how to notice or anything..."

"That long?" The redhead's eyes went wide. There was a sudden rush of conflicting emotions and realizations that hit him at once.

All this time, their childhood, all their years together...every single time they'd been by each other's sides...was this part of the picture too? Stan had feelings...romantic ones...towards him? It almost felt overwhelming.

And Cartman, the dick that he was, had been mocking this for years...Kyle had assumed he was simply trying to be his usual, asshole-ish self by making gay jokes out of thin air and their friendship in general...but he probably caught on to it way before Stan did, consciously or not. Just thinking back to the times the fatso would just straight-up call them boyfriends...

Though, it never really bothered them that much, now that he was thinking back on it.

"Yeah, apparently." Stan breathed out, the tone of his words conveying a hint of frustration, as well as regret.

"Okay...okay..." Kyle started slowly, trying to wrap his mind around the information, as a strange warmth started to spread through his chest. His heart was racing. He was...not freaking out, and not disgusted or repulsed...but he had never ever thought about the possibility of being with Stan like this before...

They'd been close since forever...But now...hearing Stan's confession was like turning their world upside down. Everything looked so different. The Super Best Friendship they had...it suddenly carried a whole new meaning.

And...what if it was the same on Kyle's end? If Stan only realized this after a whole lifetime together...it could very much be the same for himself...Right? How to know?

"Shit...I should've just kept my mouth shut..." Stan's voice brought Kyle out of his spiraling thoughts, grounding him again to reality, to his friend's confession, to the potential of...

"Dude, calm down. I'm just processing, it's...it's kind of unexpected to be honest..." The other mumbled quietly, his gaze still fixed on Stan's nervous form.

"But you're not saying anything! If I had to take a guess from the look on your face..." He sighed. "Listen, it's fine if you don't want to be more, I understand, I...just had to let that out of my chest..." The other teen's words came out rushed, almost frantic, an uncharacteristically vulnerable note catching Kyle off-guard.

"Look, I can't just give you a fucking answer in a fraction of second, you can't confess your love for me for who the fuck knows how fucking long and then just...expect an answer just like that!" He countered, his tone rising up, frustration creeping in his voice. "If it took you so fucking long to figure out you love me, then sure as hell I need to actually think this over before I can tell you how I actually feel!"

There was another beat of heavy silence, a mix of tension and uncertainty filling the space.

"So...it's not a 'no'?" Stan ventured, a tentative glimmer of hope shining through the apprehension in his words. "You need to think it over. Okay..."

Kyle took a long sigh, trying to calm the mess of emotion whirling in his chest. "It's not a 'no' but it's not a 'yes' either. It's a 'let me think about it, okay?', for now." He clarified. He was just as confused about it as his friend was.

"Yeah, yeah..." Stan's expression was hard to decipher; there was relief mixed with lingering anxiety, hope mingling with the remnants of fear.

"But...even if it turn out to be a 'no' in the end...you'll always be my Super Best Friend, nothing is gonna fucking change that." The redhead said softly, trying to ease at least some of his friend's worry. Stan finally lifted his head to meet his eyes.

"You mean that...? Really, you'd be okay, even if..." He sounded hesitant, his voice tinged with a blend of gratitude and disbelief. His hands had stilled, his nervousness receding for now.

"Yeah dude. Really. Even if you're madly in love with me." He said, letting a tiny hint of playfulness sneak into his tone as he added. "Just don't be weird about it."

The corners of Stan's mouth lifted in a tiny smile at his words, and his shoulders finally dropped from their tense position. "Hey, I can try...but no promises!" He joked back in return.

A small snort escaped Kyle at that, the atmosphere shifting into a lighter, more familiar territory. He grabbed the bottle of water standing at his desk, unscrewing the cap. "But seriously, we've known each other for our whole fucking lives. Nothing is gonna mess up our friendship, man." He added, looking his best friend in the eyes before he brought the bottle to his lips, drinking small mouthfuls of water to wash away the slight tension still stuck in the back of his throat from the previous emotional turmoil.

"Yeah, you're right...I guess I just..." Stan started, before interrupting himself, his voice trailing off. "When I realized, it was...I mean, I didn't know how to even process it myself, it just felt so..."

Kyle finished drinking and set the bottle aside. "Sudden? Out of nowhere?" He suggested, eyebrows lifting slightly as his attention was back on Stan. "I know the feeling."

"Yeah! We've been friends since forever and I never even once thought of you that way! Until I did, and now I can't un-see it...that's kinda..." He trailed off again. "Uh...weird, to be honest. Or even scary? Like...I look back at all the times we've been hanging out together and I'm just wondering...why the fuck didn't I realize it before?"

Kyle simply shrugged in response. "Hell if I knew, dude." He sighed lightly. "So...what about Wendy? You really weren't in love with her? But then why did you date her for so long...?"

"I mean...that's a good question...I don't fucking know? Like...she was pretty, and smart, and...I just thought, well, that must be love! What else was it? So we started to go out together...But the longer we dated, the more it felt..." He hesitated for a moment, searching for the right word. "Weird. Off. Like...the idea was cool but I wasn't that into actually spending time together and just...be her boyfriend." Stan finally finished explaining, glancing up to meet Kyle's eyes as if looking for confirmation.

"It's kinda hard to believe...but at the same time...it sort of makes sense...you were always way more excited about our hang outs than spending time with her...I think it was even the cause of some of your break-ups, no?" Kyle recalled, tilting his head slightly in thought.

"Yeah...probably." Stan agreed, a hint of awkwardness coloring his tone, eyes darting around as if he wasn't quite sure how to proceed with this conversation.

"Then what made you realize that..." Kyle hesitated, suddenly finding the words caught in the back of his throat. He felt the hint of an emotion stirring deep within, one he couldn't pinpoint just yet. "It's the real deal with me?" He finished, feeling a slight blush creeping onto his cheeks at the thought.

Stan seemed a little embarrassed too. "Wendy...actually helped me to figure it out. She was...surprisingly cool about this." He admitted, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Wait, you told Wendy before me? Seriously? About this?" A faint twinge of something—betrayal, or maybe envy, or both—flashed across Kyle's features. It felt somewhat odd to be the last one to hear his Super Best Friend's confession.

"I didn't want to make the same mistake twice! I needed to be sure before..." Stan hastily justified, trying to smooth over Kyle's slightly hurt reaction.

He was right, the redhead couldn't blame him for not rushing into anything like before. It wasn't Stan's fault if he wasn't exactly versed in this sort of thing himself...

"I just had to be absolutely fucking positive before I did anything. Especially since it was you...I couldn't fuck that up...our friendship is...It's fucking precious to me...you get what I mean?" Stan added carefully.

"Alright...Yeah, I see your point..." Kyle sighed softly, letting go of any resentment at that statement. He couldn't argue with his friend's genuine emotions or reasoning.

"So...yeah..." Stan's expression seemed a little bit lost, almost like he wasn't quite sure where to steer their talk next after his big confession. "Now...I guess I'll let you...think about it, like you said..." There was a hint of uncertainty laced into his voice, as if he still didn't fully comprehend Kyle hadn't simply shot down his confession right away.

"...I think that'd be the best option." Kyle nodded quietly. "I'll try to give you a fucking answer before the week-end...but I can't promise anything."

"That's okay, I...that's better than nothing at all. Or like, you rejecting me outright or something." Stan said softly. He seemed to relax a little bit, but there was still a trace of tension in his posture, and a nervous edge to his smile.

"Yeah..." Kyle felt the urge to grab his bottle of water and take a few sips once more, the repetitive action soothing some of his own anxiety, but instead... "Hey, come here." He beckoned the other towards him with a quick gesture.

"What...?"

"C'mere." The redhead repeated again, insistent and a bit impatient at Stan's slowness.

Without a second thought, Kyle moved to envelope Stan into a hug as soon as he was within arms reach, a familiar embrace they've had a million times before, a comforting gesture. Stan was just slightly shorter than him, which allowed Kyle to comfortably press his face against the other boy's black hair, one of his hand gently petting them. The action felt so natural to him.

This time though...this hug felt slightly different, there was a certain gentleness mixed with a hint of unfamiliar shyness in it. The way their bodies were pressing, how Stan was clinging tightly to him in response...

Then they parted, and Stan left him without adding anything. A last lingering gaze shared between them, a meaningful nod. And now, Kyle had to sort his own fucking emotions.

He sighed and plopped himself back on his chair heavily, grabbing his math homework again, though this time he stared blankly at the exercises, not quite reading them. How could he go back to doing math after...all that...?

Stan...Stan of all people had confessed his feelings for him. It wasn't just any friend either...he was his Super Best Friend! He knew that the way he viewed Stan was...a bit more intense than how he'd see his friendship with, say, Butters for example. But...was it enough to count as romantic love?

How to even differentiate that from platonic love, anyway? Kyle had never really been in love before, so how was he to know? Friendship could be intense too, right? Just because Stan said he was in love with him didn't automatically mean Kyle was too...

The boy groaned in frustration and leaned back against his chair, he really didn't need all those confusing, conflicting thoughts swirling in his head while trying to figure out his math homework...A welcomed, yet unwelcomed, distraction came in the form of Ike suddenly entering his bedroom, making him startle in surprise.

"Oh, I thought Stan was staying." He commented, seemingly a bit confused.

"No, he...he had to go back home. Homework and stuff." Kyle quickly lied, not quite wanting to mention the actual reason of Stan coming over and then leaving so quickly...

"Then why did he came? And it's not like that ever stopped him before." Ike pointed out with a disbelieving raised eyebrow at his older brother.

"First, it's none of your business. And second, he wanted to tell me about something but he knew he wouldn't have a lot of time today." Kyle replied matter-of-factly, turning back his attention towards his math work.

"Something that made you unable to focus on your homework?" Ike pestered, a smirk playing on the corner of his mouth. "Did he confessed that he has been in love with you since forever or what?"

"Why would you even think that?" The older boy snapped in return, though a slight red hue painted the top of his cheekbones, betraying the truth.

"Wait, really?! I knew it! You two have always been way closer than necessary for just best friends." Ike exclaimed, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Could you fucking not? It's not that fucking simple." Kyle mumbled. He loved his little brother, and he knew Ike was simply looking out for him in his own way, but...that was exactly the opposite of what he needed at the moment. His mind was already too much of a tangled mess, he didn't need his brother's excitement added to the mix, clouding his thoughts further.

"Did you tell him you like him too?" Ike asked, clearly not getting the hint and continuing with his prying questions.

"Look, it's a private matter between Stan and me. And if there'll be something to tell, I'll tell you at that time, okay? But right now, I'm not telling you any more. So stop being a brat already." He groaned in return, clearly irritated at the other's nosiness.

Ike sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I got it, geez." He turned to exit Kyle's bedroom but paused to cast a final glance his brother's way, his tone shifting to an earnest, sincere one. "But just so you know, I'd be totally fine if you and Stan become boyfriends." He then took off to leave a beet red Kyle all alone in his room.

That brat. As if it was that easy...

He sighed, his shoulders sagging. Ike's reaction, though perhaps too nosy, did make him feel a little bit better. Whether or not he had feelings for Stan beyond the boundaries of friendship, knowing he wouldn't be judged by at least one person if things ended up changing was something...at least reassuring.

Even though he was still far from knowing for sure how he truly felt about all that...

Chapter Text

It had been a few months now that Thomas had moved to South Park, and weirdly enough, he never felt as welcome in a town as he felt here. Sure, some people still gave him odd looks whenever he had one of his uncontrollable tics (coprolalia really wasn't nice to have, and the tics got worse with anxiety, and it made people feel uncomfortable. Which, in turn, caused Thomas more anxiety. It really was a vicious cycle), but for once it wasn't as bad. And he had gotten friends, actual friends that didn't treat him like he was just a bother to have around!

It felt like for once in his life, his Tourette's Syndrome wasn't something holding him back from enjoying life, at least, not entirely, not anymore. After it destroyed his parents' marriage, after he was ostracized in every city he'd ever lived in, to the point he had to change school so often he'd stopped counting...He was happy he found his place.

His mom seemed a bit more happy too here, her smiles and laughter weren't as forced and sad anymore. Things weren't perfect, far from that, but it felt...lighter.

His thoughts got interrupted by another tic making his hand shake and hit his desk. "Shit!" He swore under his breath, trying to avoid drawing attention, even if his classmates were used to him by now and didn't care much. But he was still worried about it, and anxious over if people might be judging him or mocking him for having such tics.

A residual effect from the years of teasing and harassment that happened when his classmates first discovered his tics. The fact that his father abandoned his mother and him when he realized his son would get the disorder didn't help his anxieties and low self-esteem.

But when his eyes fell on Craig, who had one of his rare, reassuring smile that was usually reserved for Tweek, well, it definitely soothed the feeling somewhat. Tweek gave him an understanding nod too, though he still looked nervous himself. But that wasn't unusual, everyone in class was used to the twitching and stuttering that his constant jittery energy brought out. Though, from what he was told, he was a lot calmer since him and Craig started dating, it was mostly during stressful situations or, like...panic attacks, that it would really show.

It was actually pretty endearing to see Craig helping him ground himself back into a calm headspace. Thomas had gotten pretty close to the couple somehow, and he was actually thankful to be let in their little friend group, or, 'the Craig’s gang' as they were called.

As classes were over and they all were packing up their stuff to leave the classroom, Thomas was about to walk over to Craig and the others, when his gaze was suddenly drawn towards Kyle. The redhead had seemed off all day, lost in thought, zoning out in the middle of a discussion.

Kyle had been his first friend here, the two of them had kept contact after the whole 'Cartman pretending to have Tourette' mess and ended up growing closer through the months following the events. He had been a bit wary at first. What if Kyle had simply felt sorry for Thomas? But now, after all this time, after Kyle had shown many times that he truly cared about him. He really felt like it was genuine.

He'd also learned more about the redhead, his friends and especially his "Super Best Friend" Stan, their adventures, the few times they almost drifted apart, but always found a way back to each other. And...as much as he was still holding a bit of a grudge towards Eric Cartman, he had to admit the guy did become somewhat less insufferable, and he could understand why the other boys would still want him around. In the end, Cartman hadn't apologized directly to Thomas but...he was treating him like anyone else in the gang.

It didn't take long for him to decide to talk to the redhead and make sure he wasn't troubled by anything too serious. "Hey, Kyle? Are you okay? You've been kinda weird all morning." He inquired as he approached the other boy, offering a concerned look.

The boy startled at hearing the voice so unexpectedly but quickly regained his composure. "Ah, no it's nothing! I was just a bit caught up thinking of...stuff." He replied with an awkward smile.

"Stuff like...?" Thomas pressed a bit further.

Kyle seemed to hesitate, they weren't the closest friends ever but...they were good friends still.

"Uh, just some love-related stuff I need to think over." Kyle admitted with a shy tone, hoping that would suffice.

"Oh. Well, if you need someone to talk to—Shit!" A string of curse words slipped out of Thomas' mouth in an involuntary tic, though as always Kyle didn't seem to pay it much mind and didn't get bothered at the sudden swearing. "Sorry, uh. Anyway, if you want to rant about it...I'm here." The other teen offered with a reassuring grin, an inviting expression lighting up his features.

Once again, there was some hesitation from the redhead. "...Actually, yeah, I think it could do me some good..." He conceded finally. "Let's get some food and find a quieter place to chat." He said with a light laugh.

"Yeah, good idea—Balls!—you choose where we go!" Thomas quickly agreed to Kyle's suggestion.

"Oh, there's that burger joint I like, they have actual big ass burgers and stuff, it's nice." He mentioned, gathering up the rest of his belongings before leading the way out of the school building. They soon made their way over to the establishment he had mentioned.

As they sat down at their table, both of them quickly sent a message to their friends to let them know they were hanging out together and that they'll catch up later. Once their phone put away and the meals ordered, they looked at each other silently.

"So..." Thomas broke the awkward pause that stretched between them as their drinks arrived at their table, his eyes meeting the other boy's own green ones in a pointed stare, inviting him to begin speaking.

"Okay..." Kyle inhaled, trying to figure out how to phrase the matter without giving out too much. "So...someone confessed their love to me and I asked for some time to think about it and give an answer and, I'm just a bit lost as to...well, figure myself out I guess?"

"You don't know if you like—Shit! Balls!—them back or not?" Thomas questioned, his eyebrows raising in a slight surprise. Kyle wasn't one to beat around the bush, but it seemed this particular issue had left him unsure on where to start.

"Yeah, I mean. Like. It never occurred to me before, but once the question was there, in the front of my brain, I think there's a possibility, maybe, but it could be me misunderstanding my feelings or being, just, influenced by what this person said to me..." The redhead's words came out slowly, an edge of hesitation lingering in his voice. "I mean...how do I know if what I'm feeling is friendship or something more? What's the difference?"

Thomas sipped on his milkshake in a thoughtful silence. He wasn't the most experienced either in that field, he hadn't even dated anyone before, he wasn't going to lie. Though he knew he wasn't exactly straight, he just never had any crush or such...

A message from Craig came in, interrupting his train of thought: "Got it. I also noticed you hit your hand into the desk pretty hard during class. You’re not hurt?" Ah, Craig really was caring and attentive when it mattered, it always made his heart swell up a little when it was directed towards him.

"Oh, right. I had a tic and my hand slammed down but it didn't hurt that much, I'm good, no need to worry." He sent a reply before moving his attention back to the redhead. "Sorry."

"Oh no it's fine, take your time." Kyle responded casually with a wave of his hand. His gaze flickered briefly between his own milkshake and Thomas. There was a last message from Craig telling him to let him know if that ever changed and he finally set his phone down to turn his full attention to the discussion at hand.

"Hm, I mean..." His eyebrows knitted together, a hint of uncertainty clouding his face. He didn't want to give a bad advice...but he wanted to help Kyle. "Well...when you're around them, how are you feeling?"

"Comfortable? Safe, in a sense...I feel like I can trust them." He replied, his voice holding a mix of earnestness and sincerity that painted a picture of deep affection towards the unnamed confessor. "They're...they've always been here, you see?"

Thomas nodded thoughtfully, trying to follow along and piece together the scenario in his mind, even as Kyle's vagueness and the generalities kept him slightly in the dark.

"They're the kind of person that I can rely on when things are tough." There was a fondness coloring Kyle's tone. "We share the same passions and stuff...I guess it was kinda always there, we've been close for forever." The redhead continued. He felt like he was starting to get the grasp on whatever it was between the two of them.

"So...you're so close that it was hard to even notice if there's any romantic spark?" Thomas inquired, his eyes narrowing in contemplation.

"Yeah, it was just...normal. Being close, being with them, doing stuff together, I was happy with the relationship we had already, I think...but now...I wonder if I should explore that...potential, further." Kyle spoke with an uncharacteristic timidity in his voice.

"So, how about...if you picture yourself, I don't know...being more—Asshole!—more romantic...like, kissing them for exemple?" He proposed hesitantly, he did have an idea of who might be the mysterious confessor in that story, but he didn't want to make Kyle feel cornered.

"Well...I guess it wouldn't feel bad...it feels a bit weird though. I never thought about that and it's hard to imagine." He sighed softly.

"Maybe...you just have to—Shit!—think of something else, you're used to them and it might be weird to picture yourself kissing them. Maybe picture someone else, like...Clyde for exemple, how would it make you feel?" He suggested, and that was definitely an unexpected proposition judging by Kyle's taken aback reaction.

He took a few seconds to gather himself before answering. "I wouldn't wanna date him. Like...if I was forced to kiss him I probably would but..." The other teen's face twisted in an expression of slight discomfort at the prospect of intimacy with Clyde, his nose crinkling slightly. He then paused. "Wait. Why did you suggested a boy? What made you think I'm talking about one?" He questioned, suspicion and curiosity mixing in his eyes.

"Uh well, I guess I just assumed—Shit!" He fumbled, trying to smooth over his mistake with an awkward half-chuckle. "Sorry about that, I just figured—Asshole!" Thomas stammered, his voice thick with sudden apprehension.

"You're right, though." The redhead confirmed after a moment. His shoulders slumping. "You got an inkling as to who it might be then?" Kyle's gaze searched for answers.

"Well..." He began, shifting uncomfortably. "Stan...?"

"Is it...really that obvious?" There was an air of vulnerability, a slight blush staining the boy's cheeks.

"I mean...you two are really close..." Thomas admitted, feeling his own face flush a bit as he acknowledged the potential implication behind his words.

Kyle took a slow deep breath in. He then exhaled a heavy, drawn out sigh, a mix of embarrassment and relief painted over his face.

"We are...but..." His voice trailed off, as though searching for the right way to verbalize the jumble of thoughts swirling inside. He finally decided on something, determination etching his face. "I just don't want it to end badly and make our friendship strained if it doesn't work out."

"That's...understandable." Thomas noted with a gentle smile. Kyle was clearly serious and worried about the future, that much was evident to him. "But if you guys really love each—Fucking balls!—each other, then, it would be worth it to try, no?"

"I mean...that's true..." He conceded with a hint of reservation in his words.

Having nothing else to add to the conversation, they focused on finishing their respective meals instead. Thomas couldn't take the decision for Kyle. Only the redhead could figure that one out. He had done his best to help his friend, but at the end, the final decision had to come from the one concerned.

After finishing their burgers, they left the restaurant, parting ways with a sincere "thank you, it was really helpful to have you to talk to, Thomas!" from Kyle, a warm smile on his face as he bid the other goodbye for the moment.

He started to make his way home. On his own, Thomas often got lost in his head. Overthinking. Even though it had been months now and he hadn't had a single problem in that time, his anxieties didn't fully disappeared. Years of struggles, mockery, scornful remarks, and the feeling of having lost everything due to the disorder made it a bit difficult to fully enjoy and feel safe with the newfound sense of acceptance.

For so long, it almost felt like he was only a walking set of tics instead of an actual person, his entire being defined by his uncontrollable utterances and spasms. His tics didn't make him, he didn't ask to have those, and he sure as hell didn't feel they were the defining aspect of himself. But...only now were people actually seeing him, not just as a list of involuntary swear words and tics.

His phone buzzing brought his attention away from his introspection. Another message from Craig. His anxiety lessened slightly when his eyes flicked through it.

"Are you done with Kyle?" The words appeared in a casual, slightly blunt manner. It was an invitation, Thomas knew.

"Yeah, we're done, what's up?" He answered promptly.

"Come meet us at Tweek Bros. Coffee."

"Oh sure!" The corners of his lips curled upwards. The prospect of seeing Craig and Tweek was definitely something that made his day seem just that much better. The two had become quite important to him in such a short time. It was unusual, and yet, he felt a certain ease in their presence.

He hurried towards the cafe. It didn't take long for him to get there and once he did he could see Craig and Tweek hanging out in a table just inside.

"Hey." He greeted with a small wave.

"Hey." Tweek echoed with a nervous twitch as he pulled another seat to their table for him.

"How was hanging out with Kyle?" Craig inquired with one eyebrow raised slightly. The question was asked in a slightly offhand manner, almost dismissive, yet there was genuine interest behind that nonchalant facade.

"It was nice." Thomas admitted with a small grin. "We ate some burgers, it was chill...he needed to vent to someone about his feelings or something, nothing big."

"Huh...so the two idiots are finally figuring things out?" Craig mused with a knowing look, a ghost of amusement in his voice at his friends' seemingly oblivious state to the mutual attraction they had.

"What do you mean?" Thomas inquired, eyebrows furrowing slightly at the cryptic remark.

"Stan asked me how I knew I was gay, then Kyle needs to vent over his 'feelings', it's fucking obvious at that point what happened." He explained, the hint of amusement in his voice became a tad more apparent, accompanied with a rare slight smirk.

"He asked you that?!" Tweek exclaimed with a nervous twitch.

"I guess it all makes sense then..." Thomas acknowledged, nodding as a sense of understanding settled in. The puzzle pieces fell into place, painting a clearer picture in his mind of the events transpiring.

"You seem oddly accepting of the idea?" Craig remarked with an eyebrow slightly raised. A hint of curiosity and genuine surprise glimmered in his tone. "I was under the impression that you had feelings for Kyle, at least when we first met?"

"You have feelings for Kyle?! Agh!?" Tweek squeaked with a sudden, surprised jump. He slammed a knee into the underside of the table in his jerky movement and winced. His hands immediately moved to clutch his leg, rubbing at the aching spot.

"You okay, babe?" His boyfriend asked with concern in his eyes. It was hard to not notice the softness in the usually emotionless voice of Craig. Thomas' eyes flickered between them, an odd twinge in his chest as his friend's genuine affection towards each other became apparent. A bittersweet pang of envy briefly crossed his thoughts.

"I'm not! If Thomas and Stan start fighting for Kyle we're gonna be caught in the middle and everything's gonna explode, it's gonna be like World War III and—" Tweek's panic-filled tirade was suddenly interrupted by a kiss, cutting through his anxious words.

Craig drew back slowly from their lock lips. The kiss was quick and efficient, yet tender enough to calm down his twitchy boyfriend, as if it was a magic spell. It effectively halted his stream of anxious words, grounding him back to the moment at hand.

"Guys...I never had a crush—Shit!—on Kyle, nor do I currently." Thomas clarified with a gentle chuckle.

"Ack! Then why—? Why was Craig saying—!" The twitching blond inquired. He looked at him and his boyfriend with a mix of confusion and curiosity in his gaze.

"It was just a guess on my part. I never said it was true." Craig clarified, shrugging nonchalantly. The way he was sitting, posture relaxed and his arms now crossed over his chest, showed no trace of regret for the assumption, however wrong it may have been.

"He was just...the first friend I got in this town. Since my diagnostics...I've been sort of avoided by my old—Shit! Balls!—friends and my classmates...but here it wasn't the case. I felt...normal. Accepted." Thomas clarified with a bitter smile.

"Gah! Your old friends are fucking assholes! Jesus!" Tweek remarked, his brows furrowing in anger and disapproval, his features twisting with a mix of sympathy and anger for what the other had experienced. His fists clenched tightly on the table.

"Tell—Asshole!—tell me about it." The boy scoffed bitterly. "I mean..." Thomas sighed heavily, the weight of years of mistreatment settling on his shoulders, making his eyes grow distant as if reliving the memories.

"Don't think about those dickheads anymore, you've got us now. If anyone has a problem with your tics, I'll fucking beat their asses, got it?" Craig's response was straightforward and unwavering, as if there wasn't a hint of hesitation in the promise.

A warmth flooded through Thomas's being, a grateful smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, a deep sense of gratitude filling his chest. He was beyond lucky to have stumbled upon this group, and to be able to call them friends now. But most of all, he was grateful for these two, and the support they offered.

He didn't need anything more...

Chapter Text

It had been at least fifteen minutes now that Kyle was laying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with his phone clutched in one hand and his headphones in. The music wasn't playing though. His mind was elsewhere, lost in contemplative silence as he tried to organize his scattered thoughts. The talk with Thomas did give him some things to muse about. Though it also didn't give him a definite answer as to whether or not he was in love with Stan and should give the relationship a try...

Sure, there was a difference trying to imagine kissing Stan or trying to do so with someone he didn't feel as attached, emotionally. With Stan, the weirdness mostly came from how that was something they had never done, or really even thought about doing before, he didn't exactly hate the idea but...the shift from their normal relationship to that sort of intimacy was...

With Clyde, for exemple, it was easy to classify him as just a friend, no doubt there. But with Stan...

Their bond was so much more difficult to put into a single box, a simple label, there was a part of Kyle that always knew that this connection was unique, intense, and irreplaceable in every aspect. Stan...Kyle was almost certain that Stan would always stay in his life. He didn’t know what it'd look like, but he was certain they'd always stay together, in one form or another. So that was why, when his friend had confessed, even if he didn't reject Stan right there and then...

The uncertainty lingered. Was it just him wanting to stay close to his Super Best Friend, to avoid losing him through rejection, that made him want to accept? Was that friendship he mistook for something else? Or was there something else alongside that friendship that might've always been here and Kyle was just oblivious to it...? What was he feeling...

Kyle exhaled sharply, a frustrated sigh leaving his lips. He was too much of an analytic type of person. Always trying to understand every single detail, always questioning, always wanting to get to the root cause and solve it.

It was something that made him great at maths and science. It made him good at seeing what needed to be done to achieve the goal. It made him great at explaining and reasoning his ideas. It also made him unable to stop thinking over every single thing and never stop. Never letting go.

Kyle wanted to be sure, to be right.

But right now, in his mind, there was no easy answer, no simple formula or equation to solve. Just...feelings. Messy, hard-to-pull-apart-and-categorise feelings. Yet, the more he thought about it, the more he could feel a certain pull to...go along with whatever Stan felt for him, that same magnetism he often had felt before...

Kyle closed his eyes tightly. His heart was pounding harder, faster in his chest, a rhythm that seemed to echo in every part of his body. He had his answer, uh?

He...wanted to be with Stan.

And yet, that wasn't enough...why wasn't he able to fully commit and be certain? What if it went wrong and everything fell apart? What would it mean for the four of them? If he and Stan were to date, how would it impact their group's dynamics, how would his and Stan's relationship change?

What if things fell through and their bond was broken, would it tear the group in half trying to decide to either side with Stan or to side with himself, the pressure to take sides?

He wasn't even sure about the name to put to his feelings, about where they fell exactly in the whole romantic spectrum. But at that point, what mattered was that Kyle did indeed feel strongly about his Super Best Friend. Maybe he could never define it properly, or maybe he was still missing the full puzzle of it. But...

He couldn't help but feel that it was worth pursuing.

He just couldn't imagine anything worse than not trying and regretting what could have been for the rest of his life. Even if things changed or didn't end as perfectly as he might hope...He wasn't sure how it could possibly feel right not giving it a go, and leaving the what ifs lingering around. And if problems would arise? They'd...figure them out. He and Stan had gone through a lot already, they always found a way to work things out. Stan always came back to him.

Yeah, he had taken his decision, and he'd give his answer to Stan tomorrow after school.

The next day passed by relatively uneventfully. But Kyle noticed a slight tension starting to creep up between the four of them, their friends were not blind and had caught on that something might be up. First it was Stan who had been weird since his break-up with Wendy (and not his usual weird), and now it was Kyle that was also acting odd?

Even if no one had tried to question them directly on the subject, it certainly raised some questions. Questions Kyle would rather not answer at the moment. Once everything would be sorted out between Stan and him, then they'd think of something to say to Cartman and Kenny about all that.

But first things first.

And as soon as school ended, he dragged Stan with him as subtly as he could to his house, and into his bedroom. Closing the door behind him to give them privacy from Ike, or even his mother should she suddenly show up.

"Stan." He took a deep breath and spoke up firmly. "I thought about it and...let's try it. Let's date."

"W-wait. You really...want to?" His eyes widened, a mix of surprise and something akin to joy spreading across his features.

"Yeah...I'm not totally sure what those feelings I have for you are exactly but...what I know for sure is that there's no one I care more about than you. I feel like this could really work out. So..." Kyle spoke, trying to sound more confident than he was.

Stan rushed forward, enveloping him in a hug. Kyle felt the arms encircling him tightly, and soon enough, he relaxed into the embrace, hugging his friend—now boyfriend—back. It was just as natural as it was before, and even more, there was no sense of awkwardness in the closeness. In fact, he felt at home, secure and comfortable, in Stan's hold. They pulled back eventually and looked at each other.

"So...now what? I mean...what does it change? We're still hanging out like we used to...and doing mostly the same stuff?" Kyle pondered, tilting his head as the thought struck.

"Uh, yeah?" Stan chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous manner. "Well, I mean. We could...try kissing?" He proposed hesitantly, clearly a bit shy himself. The idea was probably something he had entertained these past few days, seeing as that was one of the first suggestions on how their new relationship was going to differ. Kyle had thought about it, too. However, the prospect of it becoming a real thing between them was suddenly more overwhelming.

"Yeah...I guess we could..." Kyle echoed with an apprehensive nod. "Dude, that's so weird." He commented, shifting his weight a little. They both chuckled nervously.

"Well. We don't have to...I mean, we can wait. If you don't feel—" Stan's rambling was quickly interrupted by Kyle's lips meeting his. His words cut short. A soft, slightly surprised noise escaping him as the physical gesture caught him off-guard.

Stan tensed in surprise, probably not having expected the redhead to actually kiss him, but Kyle felt the tension slowly melt away as his arms encircled him. Instinctively, Kyle found his own arms mirroring the movement. It was new, and weird, but also surprisingly easy, natural, in a sense. And as they both became more at ease, their lips gradually began to move, responding to the kiss more fervently.

After what could have been a second or a thousand years, they broke the connection between their mouths. The pair stood there, taking in the silence and processing their thoughts. And if Kyle still had a hard time naming his feelings for Stan, at the moment, he didn't need the certainty. The sensation lingering from that shared kiss was all he needed to feel reassured.

And then the moment was gone as both boys dissolved into soft laughter and shy chuckling. The strange surrealness of it all catching up. Kyle had kissed his best friend. His Super Best Friend. And it had been...really great.

"Dude, that was the best kiss I ever had." Stan blurted, an enthusiastic grin plastered on his face. "We're so fucking doing it again!" He declared, and his joy was infectious.

"Oh man..." Kyle sighed softly before a grin appeared on his face. "It wasn't bad. I'll admit..." He agreed with a slight nod. His own smile echoed on his face, a radiant sign of genuine happiness.

And it was Stan's turn to surprise Kyle by planting another kiss on his lips. That felt even better. Less anxious, less nervous, more playful. And Stan didn't seem in a hurry to break it. Which, as their lips began moving together again, was perfectly fine for the both of them.

It felt nice. To let go and just lose themselves in the moment, to bask in their own feelings, their growing love for one another.

Once again, they had to pull away. But this time, instead of being thrown off-balance by the act of intimacy, there was only a shared contentment. Stan's arms remained snugly around him as his own did likewise. The two friends-now-turned-lovers stayed that way, just content in each other's company.

Even so, there was still a tiny, little thing to sort out...

"What do we tell the others? I mean...we're just starting, it's all very new and I'd rather...keep things to ourselves for the moment." Kyle inquired softly, breaking the peaceful quiet that had enveloped the space between them. He had nothing against people knowing they were boyfriends, he was certain no one at school, even the teachers, would care. Hell, most of their classmates wouldn't be surprised. But...

He wanted that beginning, that fresh, new, fragile start to their new relationship, to remain just theirs. To exist in their little world of shared experiences. To figure it out without any outside interference. Even from their friends...just a little bit, at least for the start.

"Yeah, if we tell Kenny and Cartman, that'll just give them more reason to mess with us, and it's gonna be annoying to have to explain every two seconds we're trying to figure out this whole 'new couple' stuff..." Stan nodded, agreeing with his friend. He moved slightly, positioning his head on the crook of Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle's hand moved to gently pet Stan's hair, running his fingers through his dark locks in a tender, soothing motion. It was comfortable. Familiar, despite their new label. The physical affection seemed to come naturally to the both of them, without much thought.

"Dude, Cartman is gonna be a total pain in the ass when we do decide to tell." Kyle snorted in amusement, shaking his head lightly.

"Oh man, don't remind me..." The other boy grumbled. There was no doubt in either of their minds that Cartman would relish the opportunity to make the most annoying and crass jokes he possibly could about this whole affair. A sly smirk, and an exaggeratedly saccharine tone, a clear attempt to mock them for being a couple...Cartman just being...well, his obnoxious, yet strangely endearing, self.

"Well, we're used to the fatass being insufferable by now. He'll move on to another target sooner or later." Kyle shrugged it off.

"Kenny's gonna be a lot more chill. But we still should be ready for his teasing." Stan chuckled, surely already expecting his other friend's lighthearted jabs. They were both sure that they would be met with good-natured teasing, perhaps some playful winks and nudges from the blond.

"You know, sometimes I'm still wondering how the four of us managed to still stick together for all this time. And by that, I mean, how did we not kill Eric yet." The redhead snickered, a genuine amusement tinging his voice at the thought.

"Oh dude, we all wondered the same at one point." Stan let out a heartfelt laugh.

The two of them might have just become boyfriends but, somehow, thoughts of their friends were never far away. After so many years spent together, it had come as no surprise. And maybe, in the back of his mind, Kyle could feel a small twinge of worry that things between them all could become strained or complicated in the future...

Chapter Text

Those last few days had been...surprisingly normal.

Of course, Kyle's life was never exactly mundane. Between all the strange situations and paranormal incidents South Park always managed to draw their way, normal seemed an illusory concept. But in his daily routine, at school, among his family and friends...things had continued on, undisturbed.

His relationship with Stan was still mostly the same, they'd joke together, talk about their day at school, play games and have movie nights. It was just that now, kissing and hand holding was thrown in the mix (only when they were alone for now). It didn't feel different or awkward, as he'd imagined at first. It felt like the natural progression for their relationship, and Kyle was grateful that the shift didn't seem to throw off the rhythm of their lives or the dynamics between their group.

Another good thing was that basketball season was finally about to begin, and Kyle was more than ready for it. He'd always enjoyed running around, the thrill of trying to outdo the opposing team and his own limits, the satisfying thud when a basketball would go through the hoop. And now that it was starting back up again (well...soon enough)? His enthusiasm had only grown.

Also, sorry Stan, but football could never beat how cool basketball is. Just his humble opinion of course. And his now-boyfriend might be the best at his sport in South Park, but he would give him a run for his money on the basketball court, for sure.

Sure, he'd have to be careful to not die of dehydration, but he was used to that. His NDI wasn't too big of a hindrance to his daily life, most people didn't even know he had that disorder. Except for the school staff and his friends (and yes, fatass was still occasionally whining about "his" kidney and, Stan and Kyle having "stolen it" all those years back, that bastard).

Well...beside an embarrassing story in middle school where some goddamned teacher had refused to allow him to go to the bathroom during class, and he stormed out in a burst of fury because he wasn't going to just fucking piss himself for her! Thankfully no one really bothered to ask what exactly had caused his outburst, but each time he remembered that day...his face flushed a bit, both of anger at the sheer audacity of the old lady and from the embarrassment, and frustration.

Of course his mom hadn't taken the situation as lightly, but he really hadn't wanted her to get all "lawsuit" against the school about it...in the end it had been settled and the teacher had been fired (his mom wouldn't take anything less). Once again, Sheila Broflovski wasn't a woman you wanted to piss off, and anyone messing with her little boy would come to face her full wrath. Even if he would rather not have his mom fight his own battles for him, he was really glad the issue didn't have the opportunity to escalate any further. A lawsuit? Just...he wouldn't have survived the sheer humiliation.

As the four of them were heading to the cafeteria for lunch, he noticed Kenny being distracted by some girl he was waving to (she was blushing...), it made him roll his eyes at his friend. The blond had always been popular with girls, but apparently as soon as his current girlfriend wanted things to get more serious in the romantic sense, Kenny would break it off. Not only that, but he seemed to aim for the "easy" kind, the ones who...weren't really relationship material and wouldn't want something more with him...like he was avoiding commitment.

And as much as Kyle liked his friend, he really couldn't understand him. Not that he'd want the guy to leave them behind for a girlfriend but...was he really incapable of having a meaningful relationship? Was his friend really that shallow with girls? Kyle really couldn't understand how someone could be happy like that...

He didn't know. But he wouldn't go snooping into Kenny's business.

His musings got interrupted by Stan's voice breaking through. "You guys wanna hang out at the arcade tonight?" A casual invitation, aimed towards Kenny and Cartman with an inviting look.

"We might as well, since soon the jew is gonna abandon us to go play with his stupid ball." Cartman, of course, had to throw an unnecessary remark his way. His arms were crossed in a clear display of arrogance. And a small pout, the one of someone being petty and sulky over something as dumb as this, adorned the larger boy's lips.

"Will you stop with that already?! Me and Stan are allowed to have other interests and activities apart from just 'hanging out'! You're such a whiny child, damn..." Kyle responded with exasperated irritation, glaring at the boy. God he hated when the asshole was acting like a spoiled baby...even if he knew it was his way of saying he didn't like the fact they would hang out less...

"At least Stan have his priorities right and is ready to ditch his stupid practices for his friends, unlike some fuckers." He scoffed in contempt at Kyle's words.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry, Kyle still loves you even if he pretends otherwise." Kenny reassured the larger boy, his tone was teasing and his face displayed an impish smile as he wrapped an arm around the fat teen's shoulder and ruffled his hair. "Plus I'm still gonna be free, I wouldn't abandon my friends like Kyle does!" The blond stuck out his tongue playfully, causing an amused smile to tug at the redhead's lips.

"Oh Eric, you need me to reassure you?" The redhead's response had a touch of mocking fondness. His own face was lit up in a mischievous smile, clearly taking on a somewhat patronising tone with the fat teen. He, of course, was not expecting Cartman to rise up to the bait...oh so gloriously...

"Of course not!" He pushed away the blond with an annoyed expression and a dismissive huff...but his cheeks flushed with color. His whole posture seemed tense and guarded. "You assholes would be lucky to have my presence in your pathetic lives." His words were a feeble attempt at saving face and pretending not to be bothered by their absence. "You know what, fuck you, I won't be going with you, have fun being losers by yourselves."

"Come on, you know they're just teasing you. I really want us to go together, dude. You know it'll be fun." Stan intervened before Cartman could spiral too far in his little act. He was always better than Kyle at diffusing tensions and de-escalating the whole thing between them when it risked reaching boiling point.

...Maybe because Kyle couldn't help but throw back a jab at every stupid remark the fat teen made and then Cartman couldn't ever shut his own fucking mouth...and things would escalate. At least Stan, when he was not involved and at risk to let his anger and frustration get to him too, could easily defuse Cartman. Just by playing on the "I'm on your side" angle, the larger teen was putty in Stan's hand.

"Oh well...if you beg so much I guess I'll accept to accompany you." His words dripped with fake self-assurance and haughty superiority, but the corners of Cartman's lips tugged upward into a satisfied grin as he agreed to Stan's invitation.

If only the fatass could be a bit more honest about his own feelings...instead of being so insufferable all the time. Maybe Kyle wouldn't feel as much annoyance towards him.

In any case, they all sat down with Butters and Bradley as usual (somehow those two had became inseparable in barely one month...), talking, bickering and arguing (mostly Kyle and Cartman...of course), as was the routine. They ate and soon enough the bell rung again to signal the end of the period. He could see Thomas walking with Craig and Tweek from the corner of his eye, and that made him think of how the other guy seemed...happier now than when he first arrived?

He wasn't super close to Thomas, not like with the three dumbasses that were currently following him, but Kyle still considered him a good friend and that talk they had about Stan's confession had really helped him as well, so he was genuinely happy to see him more comfortable, at ease. He waved at them, a gesture Craig reciprocated with a nod of his head while Tweek's greeting came in the form of a nervous wave of the hand, his face twitching lightly in anxiousness. Thomas waved back with a small smile before the trio continued to head towards their next class.

"Who the hell were you waving to?" Cartman inquired, his brow furrowing and his eyes following the other boys in what could easily be interpreted as contempt.

"You do know that Thomas is my friend, right? I can wave at my friends, fatass." He sighed, exasperated at the fat teen's behavior.

Cartman was already gearing up for his typical tirade of nonsense and offensive statements, when Butters interrupted, ever the eager peacemaker. "Huh...guys? Don't fight, huh? Friends shouldn't fight..." He trailed off in a quiet, hopeful manner.

"Don't worry, that's just the only way Kyle and Eric can express their love for each other." Kenny quipped with a mischievous wink at them.

"Oh come on, we are not doing this today." Stan interjected, a mild weariness lacing his tone as he tried to redirect the conversation and steer things in a more positive direction.

"S-shouldn't we hurry to class...?" Bradley chimed in tentatively, looking nervous at the prospect of an argument.

Kyle couldn't agree more. He nodded, a resolute expression on his features, eager to steer clear of a pointless dispute. "Come on guys, we better get to class before lunch period is over." He urged the others. Cartman, predictably, muttered something under his breath, but they all moved to their next period.

Once classes were done for the day, they could finally head to the arcade together...it had been a while since the last time they went. Cartman, for all his previous complaining, was happily dragging them into every corner of the establishment. Picking which game they'd start with, insisting to challenge Stan in a few games, and whining loudly whenever Kenny would tease him...and no, Kyle will never admit he enjoyed seeing the fatass' childish, almost endearing reactions. Not even if threatened, and tortured until death and beyond...

Still, it wasn't lost on him that Cartman had been...getting more and more tolerable as years went by, there was a clear change. Sure, the bastard would never not be a pain in his ass but, maybe it wasn't as bad as it once had been?

He didn't have too long to think on that subject, as Stan grabbed his hand to drag him to some games on the left, away from Cartman and Kenny who were arguing about how to best beat the current level of whatever game they were playing at. It made Kyle feel...nice, holding his hand, it made his chest flutter in a warm sensation, and a soft smile easily settled on his features. This was good, nothing else really mattered at the moment, as he was here, with his best friends, having fun together.

Things felt just perfect.

Maybe it was the right time to finally tell their friends about their new...status? Sure, only a few days had passed, but everything seemed to be going well and...Kyle was getting more certain with each passing hour that he wasn't about to chicken out, that the 'weirdness' from before was mostly coming from the novelty and unfamiliarity. He'll have to bring the topic with Stan later, once they'd be alone in his room...

Speaking of his now-boyfriend, Kyle tenderly caressed Stan's hand with his thumb, in an affectionate manner. Being able to be more open about these small gestures of affection was also part of why he wanted to go ahead with the news. He felt more certain about the depth of his feelings for his Super Best Friend, more willing to trust himself, and not be too afraid of the future...there was also some slight guilt at having hidden this from Kenny and Cartman...it wasn't because of anything he could explain rationally. Still, it lingered at the back of his mind that there was something about the secret that didn't sit well...

No matter, once he would discuss it with his...boyfriend (he wasn't gonna lie, that title felt kinda nice), then everything would be settled. They'd go on together, find a time and a way to share the news, and that would be that.

Stan's fingers briefly tightened their hold, pulling him to a game that was clearly meant for couples (or, more realistically, meant to be played alongside your friends). The smile that bloomed on the other's face was so heartwarming that Kyle couldn't resist smiling back. His heart did a silly little somersault inside his chest, and his lips curled upward without a second thought, reflecting his happiness.

"Dude, we have to beat that score! If anyone can do that it's us!" The boy's words carried a sense of eagerness as he pointed towards the high scores on the screen. With his free hand, Stan fumbled for his wallet, digging out coins to put in the machine.

"Of course, nothing a couple of Super Best Friends like us can't beat." Kyle beamed confidently. He was sure that if anyone could break a high score in the arcade, it would definitely be the two of them.

Stan grinned widely in response, as he placed the coins into the machine, and Kyle quickly followed suit. It didn't take much time for them to get into a groove, falling into a comfortable routine as they worked through each challenge and level with ease. Their rhythm and synergy made it clear that the high scores would soon be theirs.

"Hah, this is so fucking easy! Can you imagine anyone beating that score?" Stan asked with pride, his grin radiating pure satisfaction as the final tally of points flashed on the screen, surpassing the previous record by an impressive margin.

"It'll never happen." Kyle snorted amusedly, as the boys high-fived, sharing a moment of triumph and celebration. The screen updated with the new scores, their names proudly displayed among the ranks of the best players at that particular game.

Of course, when they headed back to the other two, Cartman had to complain about them "leaving him and Kenny behind to fend for themselves", but they were used to his over-dramatic tendencies. Kenny didn't mind and seemed perfectly content in his own amusement at Cartman's antics, as it seemed that the blond had ended up beating the fatass's score in multiple games, as the two had challenged each other.

Soon enough, the time to go back home was here, as often, Stan would be sleeping over at his place. Kyle knew that the other teen preferred it that way since his dad was...well, Randy wasn't someone that Stan wanted to spend too much time with if he could avoid it. Thankfully, the Broflovski family was always glad to receive the Marsh kid, he was like family at this point.

And Kyle could understand why Stan wouldn't like to be around Randy that often...especially now that the man's "fear" had come true (though his own dad would probably not be too happy either about them dating). Sure, the adults had been all for Craig and Tweek when it first came out but, that had been...a lot more performative and a way to appear progressive, rather than actual, genuine acceptance. If one of their own kid would turn out gay, bi, pan or any other non-straight thing? Kyle doubted the two men would be overjoyed.

Once him and his boyfriend (he would probably never stop feeling a bit flustered using that term) reached home and were safely upstairs in the relative privacy of his room, they collapsed on the bed in a relaxed heap. He could sense the presence of Stan's head nestled on his own chest, their legs tangled, arms draped over each other.

It had always felt...safe and nice, to have him that close, as if the physical proximity provided an emotional solace and a sense of comfort.

"Dude...this is so fucking nice..." The black-haired boy commented absentmindedly, his contentment evident in his tone and relaxed demeanor. A deep, prolonged sigh escaped him as Stan melted into his embrace even further.

"Yeah...I could definitely sleep like that..." Kyle agreed with a dreamy sigh as his hand found its place atop the dark strands, gently carding through his boyfriend's hair.

"Mh, we still have a few hours before we have to go to bed." Stan pointed out before nuzzling his cheek against his chest.

"What, you want to cuddle until then?" Kyle asked playfully, his voice carrying a teasing note. "Didn't know you were that touch-starved." Even if it was meant in a somewhat joking way, he could sense the truthfulness in his own question, knowing that he would have been quite satisfied to keep basking in that closeness for as long as they wanted.

"Dude, me? You're the one that initiated the cuddle session!" Stan retaliated, a mischievous note dancing through his words. Despite that, he made no effort to break away from the embrace.

"Maybe I'm also really fucking touch-starved." He responded with a slight huff, a small puff of breath escaping him in mock defiance, a contrast to the soft, tender way his hands continued their affectionate movement, brushing through dark hair in a calming rhythm.

"You should've just said so." Stan remarked lightly, the corner of his mouth tugging up into a playful smirk. The black-haired teen then shifted his position ever-so-slightly, angling his face upward in anticipation, silently requesting more intimacy without having to put it into explicit terms.

"Fine." The redhead accepted without protest and craned his head to meet the other's lips, a sweet, innocent brush, the physical manifestation of their newfound romantic connection. His mouth was met by Stan's eager response, their lips connecting in a tender, lingering kiss.

After a few more gentle pecks and a bit of hesitation, Stan deepened the gesture of affection, as though asking for permission, and Kyle reciprocated, allowing their tongues to slowly meet in a tentative yet intimate touch. He didn't have much experience with kisses like those but...surprisingly Stan didn't seem any more confident himself. It made him wonder about how the black-haired teen's relationship with Wendy had truly played out...it had never occurred to him to question it before, as they were kids when they first got together.

In the end, the two of them had to break away, their cheeks flushed and their expressions a mixture of embarrassment and a hint of nervousness. Yet, he couldn't deny the flicker of happiness in their shared glance. Even so...he had something he wanted to talk about.

"I think I feel ready to let the others know." Kyle murmured quietly, a mix of resolve and some kind of anxiousness in his voice. His fingers, almost unconsciously, began playing with Stan's black locks once again...the action oddly soothing.

"Oh! Uh, that was fast. I thought you'd need at least a few weeks..." His best friend responded, his eyes blinking in a brief display of astonishment.

"It feels...more natural than I first expected it to be." He confessed with a light chuckle. "It really just feels like...we've always been together but I only recently realized that there was more to my feelings. Like it's...just always been there."

"Dude. Same. It just feels...right." Stan's agreement rang with a note of certainty, mirroring his own emotions on the matter.

"Yeah..." Kyle affirmed in a whisper, before planting a quick peck on his friend's lips. "...Sorry if it's kinda short, but...kissing with tongue is actually really fucking awkward." He confessed, a small huff of laughter escaping him.

"It's fine." Stan chuckled, lightly pressing his forehead against his. "It's the first time you kiss like this, right?" He inquired curiously. Kyle had no reason to hide anything, he'd always been honest with him and it's not like his "love" life had been exciting so far.

"Yeah, you?" He inquired, his own curiosity taking hold of his voice as his head tilted in expectation.

"Of course not, that was the first time I've kissed like that." Stan replied with a hint of sheepishness, as a warm flush colored his cheeks.

"...Dude. You've been dating Wendy for years and you never made out?" The revelation took him by surprise, a wave of shock rippling through him as the truth sank in.

"I wasn't really into kissing, like...we only ever did a couple pecks." He hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "You're the first that...makes me wanna actually do all this romantic shit." There was a hint of embarrassment in Stan's confession, but the underlying sincerity resonated clearly.

"No wonder she dumped your ass that often, if you were neglecting her like that." Kyle retorted, an amused snicker escaping his lips.

"Hey, she never tried to kiss me that often herself either!" He exclaimed, his voice laced with an indignant tone and a hint of defensiveness. He appeared genuinely hurt by Kyle's comment.

"Dude, it's okay. I'm just messing with you." The redhead clarified quickly, a sincere apology in his voice as he realized the effect his words had had on Stan. "I get that your relationship wasn't that kind of love. That's why it kept not working out...and I'm glad you realized I'm the one you really love. Cause I really love you back."

A sigh of relief escaped from Stan's lips as a shy smile bloomed on his features, the hurt fading away quickly. His expression conveyed a mixture of gratitude and warmth. The tension between them dissipated as they exchanged a brief, tender hug before relaxing into each other's arms once again.

"...So, you want to tell Cartman and Kenny? When? I mean...how?" He murmured softly after a few moments.

"I guess we can do that tomorrow after school?" Kyle proposed with a thoughtful expression. His voice trailed off before resuming. "Maybe invite them over, and just drop it casually...?" He was thinking on the spot but, it wasn't a terrible idea...right?

Tomorrow would tell them...

Chapter Text

The blond surveyed his appearance in the mirror with critical blue eyes. The skirt was a little too short, falling just a bit too high up on his thighs to provide enough coverage, and his legs, though naturally long and slender, felt awkwardly exposed in this particular article of clothing. He tugged at the fabric in a feeble attempt to make it reach his knees, but it was futile.

Karen watched him from the edge of the bed, the old and battered thing groaning under her weight. She was the one who had suggested trying it on when she had caught him placing it over himself, but his sister being much smaller than him, meant her skirt was a few sizes too small. Despite this setback, she offered an encouraging smile, undeterred by the mishap.

"You look awesome Kenny." Of course, the young girl was nothing less than fully supportive and excited, and in this moment, he couldn't be any more grateful. "I'm sure with a more fitting size it'll be perfect!" She exclaimed enthusiastically. It made his cheeks burn slightly.

He couldn't explain exactly what compelled him to start wearing skirts and experimenting with femininity once again, after his whole 'Princess Kenny' phase all those years back. It wasn't that he wanted to be a girl, or even look like one, he was quite comfortable being Kenny McCormick. But...he had missed that side of him...so he decided to indulge once again, in secret. For the time being anyway.

He'd love to show it off but...well, he really didn't want to go about it in a half-assed manner, when he didn't even have one skirt that really fit, or even any kind of makeup. He wanted to be...actually good at it, to have a certain level of expertise, before presenting himself as this 'new Kenny'.

"You sure? Cause...I think I look ridiculous." He retorted skeptically, his tone laced with uncertainty and his face expressing a mix of reluctance and nervousness.

He wanted to achieve...a certain aesthetic, a combination of pretty and hot. Something that would both show off his feminine and masculine traits, an equilibrium between a feminine allure and an unmistakably male appeal. Because he loved how his shoulders were becoming broader and more squared as he grew, how his voice had deepened, how he'd grown taller and taller by the day...

And of course, the fact that his dick had became pretty impressive in his own humble opinion, clearly a bit above average from what he could see on porn sites and in the school locker room.

But...he'd missed his 'Princess Kenny' days...the cute accessories, the dresses and skirts, and especially, he had to admit...how everyone would treat him as...something almost fragile, a precious being that was to be cared for and protected.

That had always felt so empowering. After dying again and again without anyone even caring about it? Being seen as precious had always been such an incredible feeling, something that he hadn't felt in years. He missed it, like a hole was missing inside him and no one seemed to be able to fill it.

He quickly pushed back these gloomy thoughts to the recess of his mind, it was useless to feel depressed or sad over things out of his control, especially when he had his cute, adorable, perfect, amazing baby sister watching him with such an excited gaze!

"Bro, I promise, you're beautiful." Karen insisted, and he couldn't resist a flattered huff.

He tugged and pulled at the skirt once more, twisting it and adjusting the waistline. The garment refused to budge much, remaining just a bit shorter and more snug than he preferred. The sensation of the fabric pressing uncomfortably against his skin and the way it clung to his body made him fidget, a clear discomfort painted across his features.

But it was a first step, and he was grateful for his baby sister for allowing him to experiment like that with her own skirt before he decided whether this new style of fashion would stay in the long run.

The blond couldn't deny the thrill that coursed through him at the prospect. A part of him was genuinely thrilled, yes, but a nagging question persisted: Would the guys accept it, support his decision like Karen, or would it be the subject of ridicule? Well...that's assuming they'll actually have a strong opinion one way or another...as most of the time he wasn't certain that the others even saw him as a full-fledged member of the group.

***

Recently, it felt like something was going on behind Eric's back and he hated it. He didn't know exactly what it could be, it was more like a vague, unsettling sensation in the pit of his stomach. The hippie feeling all moody and weird after a break-up with his hippie bitch girlfriend? Well, okay, that was nothing unusual. But then it was the turn of the fucking jew to be all "pensive" and zoning out for a whole day? And, sure, it was looking like things went back to normal the day after that but...well, he really didn't believe it for a moment!

Of course the two asshats were going to exclude him on whatever the hell was going on! They always kept him in the dark about everything, acting as if he couldn't be trusted or some shit...like that didn't feel shitty! It was making him seethe with resentment...and, admittedly, with some level of...disappointment. He couldn't help but wonder, why was it that every time, his own so called "friends" wouldn't include him in the loop of anything important?

Seriously what the hell was their problem, always pushing him aside like he was an intruder?! Whatever, not like he cared about those assholes, they were fucking useless! But it was not a satisfying line of thinking; the sense of rejection stung, regardless of how hard Eric tried to convince himself otherwise. He could brush it off with arrogance, feign indifference, but...deep down, he knew it wasn't true at all. The thought nagged at the back of his head like a persistent thorn, reminding him that maybe, just maybe, they really didn't see him as someone worth keeping close.

...As if. Those guys were nothing without him! They would be all dead (for real) at least twenty-seven times already if it weren't for his own incredible skills in problem solving. Without him, their life would've been fucking dull and lame...

It was probably just because they didn't want to hear his input, or see how much better he'd do at solving whatever shit they were trying to fix by themselves, without even asking his advice. Yeah...they just didn't want to admit how much superior he was, that was the issue.

He was about to enter the school when an arm was draped around his shoulder in an all too familiar manner, the physical contact bringing an immediate surge of annoyance and the instinctive urge to shake it off. But as soon as he saw it was Kyle, the feeling vanished, and instead, his face broke into a small smile of genuine affection that he was not used to. A small hint of warmth, a rare softening of expression that wasn't just for show.

If it had been a few years ago, when he was still a kid, he wouldn't have admitted it to himself, but...the ginger boy was one of his friends. And that stupid habit of being all touchy-feely that the four of them had, somehow, developed without his knowledge, was one of the ways they communicated that, which was probably one of the reasons he didn't immediately try to shove away the hand.

Maybe things were not that different from usual? He mused to himself as his face quickly rearranged his features back to a more typical sneer.

"What's up, asshole." Kyle greeted, a teasing grin playing at the corners of his mouth. Cartman responded in kind, a reciprocal grin on his own face, his eyes meeting those of his friend as he retorted.

"Not much, I'm just heading into class to see you jerks." His response came in his usual nonchalant yet slightly arrogant tone, his shoulders moving in a casual shrug. Kyle's grin only broadened at that, his gaze glinting with amusement as his hand lingered, as if he wanted to keep that contact for a bit more before the need for going into class. The two of them continued to banter lightly, their verbal spar filled with a playful tension that characterized their interactions.

At the very least, since a little while now, these fuckers were acting a bit more like actual friends instead of absolute assholes that were constantly giving him shit and being jealous of how cool he was while pretending to be above him. Not that he was going soft because of that, obviously...he was just glad that they finally acknowledged how great he was.

The two other dumbasses were not far behind and they soon were walking in together towards the classroom. Like every fucking day, of course. Despite everything, the four of them had never even once stopped walking to and from class and lunch breaks, almost always together...with sometimes Butters and his new 'best friend' tagging along.

What was strange today though, were those stupid grins the fucking jew and his little hippie boyfriend were trying so fucking hard to hide...what the fuck was that about?!

They had to know something that Eric wasn't privy to...

The whole day felt like it had been an eternity, his patience worn thin and his tolerance tested to its limits. Finally, as school ended and the four of them made their way back to their neighborhood, he decided it was time to take action.

He didn't had the time though.

"So..." Kyle drawled casually, the sound coming across like the low, distant rumble of a storm. Eric couldn't help but flinch. That was never a good sign. "Stan and me have something to tell you two..." His tone grew quieter as his words trailed off, his fingers brushing against Stan's. The hippie leaned into the touch, his hand finding its way to grasp the one offered by the ginger.

"What, you two are finally admitting you're total fags for each other? Wow, it's about time. I've been waiting years to hear that!" His voice was tinged with mocking cheerfulness as he responded to their display. And yet...a sense of unease lingered just beneath the surface, a silent storm brewing in the recesses of his mind. It made him tense, a deep-seated fear lurking just beneath the facade of his indifferent attitude. He had only meant that as a jab...not...

"Actually, yeah. We're dating." Stan declared confidently, their joined hands tightening in what seemed to be a display of unity and support.

Eric's heart sank to his stomach and the world suddenly felt off-balance. No, it wasn't supposed to be a surprise, he had seen that coming from the start, he knew that this was their thing...they were totally fagging it up! They were gay! It was a known thing!

Except that they never admitted it. Not even when they would show every single possible indication and act super homo towards each other! It was supposed to stay at a 'secret joke' kind of situation, an inside, private knowledge that no one was meant to bring out. Because if they were to openly say it out loud? What the fuck was that supposed to mean for him...

Not that he cared, it was good and fine that those two were now admitting it! If the assholes could get their head out of their asses, it meant they were being smarter than what he usually gave them credit for. It had nothing to do with himself...

...Right?

His whole world suddenly felt unsteady for some reason.

"Oh wow!" Kenny exclaimed, his voice was full of enthusiasm, his excitement almost palpable. "That's awesome!" His usual cheery demeanor shone brightly on his features. He always had a talent at expressing happiness that Cartman could only marvel at. Though...was it him, or had Kenny been a little too enthusiastic in his display?

"As if that's fucking news. We don't need a fucking report on that, we already know." He scoffed dismissively. In the face of the unexpected, Eric resorted to what came naturally—denial. He wasn't sure how he felt about all this...but maybe it wouldn't mean that things were going to be different? Maybe, if he acted as if everything was as it had been, if the two would not change...

...Why the hell was he so fucking bothered anyway?

"Do you have to be an asshole about it? Can't you be happy for us?" Kyle groaned with a tone of exasperated irritation and mild resignation, his expression reflecting the same emotions. "Like, just once. You know." The redhead continued, a note of frustration lacing his words.

For some reason, it stung more than usual...

"Yeah, we'd like our friends to support us..." Stan's words rang with disappointment and mild sorrow.

...He hated when they would use that tone. Those assholes knew that, didn't they?

"I'm happy for you. It's about time you admitted your obvious thing. Congrats and all." Eric's voice came out colder and harsher than intended. It wasn't his intent...or perhaps it was? He had kinda been rooting for those two so...he didn't have a good reason to feel angry or annoyed, and yet...he did.

"...You seem kind of pissed off...did we do anything wrong?" Stan's concern, voiced as he looked straight into his own eyes with a deep gaze, felt like a twist in Cartman's stomach, an unwanted tightening of his nerves, and the words pierced through him in a way that left him unprepared. It wasn't fair...they couldn't...why was it that those two always acted like such assholes, as if he owed them anything.

"I'm not fucking pissed off!! I don't fucking care about either of you! Go make out or fuck each other's ass, it has nothing to do with me." The words tumbled from Cartman's mouth without his full awareness, his lips moving and his voice filled with anger.

"Hey, Eric..." Kenny placed a hand on his arm and Cartman snapped out of his daze, his vision coming back into focus to realize the three were looking at him strangely, as if seeing a different person altogether. "...What's going on? You can tell us, dude..." That asshole was using a softer voice than he was expecting, the hand that lingered on his arm feeling warm and comforting, a gentle anchor in a storm.

"Nothing's going on...I don't know what the fuck you're on about..." Eric retorted defensively, quickly shoving off Kenny's hand as he forced a laugh of derisive disbelief. He couldn't possibly allow the possibility of any of them suspecting he cared...He didn't care, why would he?

"Eric, come on." Kyle chimed in with a voice laced with a hint of anger and disappointment.

"Tell us why you're acting like such a jerk." Stan finished the other's thought.

"You know what? I don't care what you think. Screw you guys, I'm going home." He declared harshly, as he walked faster, ready to leave those three assholes behind...

...Why did he feel so fucking miserable all of a sudden? It wasn't fair...but it didn't make sense! He didn't fucking care! Those two could fuck off in a ditch, that wasn't his issue. He didn't need those fuckers!

...But why couldn't he shake the sense of dread and unease that had taken up residence inside his head?

***

The three remaining friends looked at each other with worried glances and confusion written all over their faces. It had been clear, painfully so, that something wasn't quite right with Cartman. There was more there than just him being his usual self—his reaction was unusually intense and...out of nowhere.

Stan spoke up first, a hint of concern tinging his voice as he attempted to understand the abrupt change in mood. "So uh...What's going on with him?" He inquired, a bit puzzled, looking from Kyle to Kenny for clues or an explanation, only to find them just as confused.

Sure, Cartman could be...an ass sometimes. Okay, more often than not, it was pretty much expected that the boy would do and say stuff to antagonize everyone around him. But the tone, the coldness of it? Something definitely felt odd about it all...

"I don't fucking know...but there's definitely something up." Kyle mused with a serious tone as his brow furrowed in a contemplative expression. "I mean...he looked like we were telling him we were moving out of town or something..."

"Yeah. And since when did Eric Cartman ever give a fuck about our love life anyway?" Stan questioned, his own concern growing, a sense of unease settling over the group like an unwanted shadow. "Sure, he was whining as soon as one of us were spending time with a girlfriend instead of hanging out together but...this?"

"He's never been that bothered before..." Kyle concurred, nodding in agreement.

Kenny cleared his throat and began to speak softly but clearly. "Maybe...maybe he's scared that you two would end up being too lovey-dovey to have any time left for the four of us?" He hesitantly proposed, a note of empathy laced with understanding evident in his tone.

The two other boys immediately grabbed each one of his hands and brought him in a group hug. "Dude...we're not leaving you guys for each other. Like...yeah, dating might change some stuff but you two are our best friends..." Kyle's reassurances came swiftly, his arm wrapping securely around both Stan and Kenny in an affectionate embrace, Stan mirroring his movements and echoing his sentiment.

"Yeah, you guys are fucking important to us...It won't change much to what we already do as a group anyway. It's gonna be a few extra hand-holding and pecks between me and Kyle, and that's it..." The black-haired boy stated with certainty, as he gently ran his fingers through Kenny's messy blond hair.

"...Damn, you two are too much...it was just a suggestion..." Kenny muttered in embarrassment, his cheeks flushing from the unexpected (well...maybe not that unexpected, they had gotten quite touchy-feely with time, not that he disliked it one bit) display of affection and reassurance. "...Anyway, maybe Cartman was thinking about that." The blond added quickly, trying to deflect the attention away from himself.

The three broke their hug and Kyle let out a deep, contemplative sigh, as if considering all possibilities and outcomes. "Honestly? That actually sounds quite possible...He tries to act like he doesn't care but we all know he does." He stated with a thoughtful expression.

"That's Cartman for you. But yeah...he might think we'll...not hang out as much?" Stan nodded and chimed in.

Kenny shrugged lightly. "He's an only child with no close friends outside us, of course he wouldn't want us to 'abandon him'. It would be hell for him, he wouldn't have anyone left." He commented, the reality of his statement hanging heavily in the air between them. "Though he can be a piece of shit sometimes..." The blond conceded with a small smile.

Kyle gave a resigned groan. "Ugh. You're probably right, that's the kind of stupid thing his brain would probably come up with..." He sighed deeply.

All three of them knew that when Cartman started down this particular path, there would be trouble ahead, and it wouldn't be settled that easily...even when knowing the exact cause. Maybe especially so...

The group collectively exchanged exasperated sighs, acknowledging the inevitability of Cartman's antics and his over-dramatic reactions whenever his ego and control on things was being challenged or questioned, as if it was a familiar ritual that they had unfortunately participated in before...

...And yet, they were still that fucking asshole's friends, in the end of the day. He was part of their little fucked-up family, for better and for worse...no matter the mess he'd throw himself into and drag everyone else along.

Chapter Text

The kitchen table was full of all of Eric's favorite foods—a brilliant combination of pancakes stacked with melted cheese, strips of crispy bacon slathered with chocolate frosting, a few glazed donuts, tortilla chips topped with a generous drizzle of maple syrup, and just the perfect amount of marshmallows to complete this delicious feast.

A true Eric-special meal, crafted for moments like this, when the stupid bullshit of the world needed drowning in syrup and chocolate. And it was very effective, the mouthful of pancakes melting in a mix of salty, sugary goodness on his tongue. He chewed methodically, as if every bite could push down the knot of something he refused to name. It was so fucking delicious, no one should ever feel so miserable with food that good on the menu!

Not that Eric felt miserable for any reason of course. He couldn't give a rat's ass that those assholes were dating! And the only reason he spent the night looking at all the photos he took of these fuckers over the years and got teary eyed...had been...dust. Yeah. His room needed a good spring cleaning and he'd need to tell his mom to stop being a fucking lazy-ass slob that didn't even bother to clean properly.

He had almost felt the need to text or call them back and say sorry...but he didn't, because why the hell should he say sorry about? He did absolutely nothing wrong. He didn't owe them anything anyway.

Yeah, Eric didn't care, those fags should had gotten together a long time ago! It didn't bother him at all...why would it? The only problem would be that now he'd have to deal with them acting like fucking high-school girls fawning over their crush all the time. But would that really change from what he'd seen these last years?

Well, whatever...he was probably overthinking things anyway. Besides, they'd already had a habit of being too close, acting like they'd always have a secret that only they shared, as if no one could understand their whole "Super Best Friends" thing. Well Eric was not going to get jealous about that...no, obviously not.

He was just...worried for Kenny! Someone had to care about poor, lonely Kenny. Not that Eric was lonely or anything—no way. He had tons of people who'd miss him if he disappeared tomorrow. Kenny? Not so much.

Yeah, the poor would get even lonelier if the couple acted as expected and ditched everyone to just focus on their relationship. So he had the right to be concerned! And sure, the blond liked to play around with girls...but he wasn't close to anyone apart from him and the faggies. Which was an issue for poor, lonely Kenneth, but had nothing to do with himself...

So yeah, Eric was just being a good friend! He had to warn Stan and Kyle about their shitty behavior before it got out of control...It didn't mean that he...well...that he felt...that way. No...he just cared about his friend, nothing else...

His little feast was soon finished and Eric went about preparing his bag with his stuff, grabbing everything that would be essential to surviving school with all its bullshit and idiotic students and staff. He wasn't sure how it all would go today, and if he had to face the couple, he would...act as usual and pretend like they never said anything the day before and everything was just peachy.

He quickly grabbed a bag of Cheesy Poofs to munch on the way, not that he was nervous, he just had been too preoccupied to have a proper breakfast. Nothing weird at all, Eric wasn't anxious and scared to face his friends.

No...no he wasn't scared...He didn't fucking feel bad at all.

Once at school, he braced himself for what would be one of the most difficult things in his entire life. He took a deep breath, his stomach clenched in a knot that he couldn't ignore as he walked towards the entrance, his feet dragging, as if reluctant to get involved with any confrontation that would be awaiting him inside...

"Hey guys." He casually greeted the others. The two fags weren't showing any special kind of physical affection and Kenny still had his same old cheerful demeanor. Maybe...he could do this. "So, what do we do after school? Finally ready for my super kewl new campaign? We better start before Kyle got all basketball fanatic on us and then, who knows how much time would be wasted by him being a dumb jock?" Eric boasted, flashing a smile that he hoped would convey confidence.

Stan and Kyle exchanged a glance and an exasperated eye-roll, seemingly used to his theatrics. "Sure, why not..." Kyle sighed with a resigned tone in his voice. Eric was tempted to point out that the two probably had more "romantic stuff" planned to try but...maybe they actually understood that hanging out together like usual was much more important than all their romantic crap?

"Cool! It's gonna be awesome!" He chirped enthusiastically. Maybe this wouldn't be too bad, it felt as if yesterday didn't change anything at all, it was exactly as it used to be!

The others exchanged another glance but thankfully, neither of them brought that stupid conversation back...Eric was relieved that those idiots knew when not to annoy him. For once, it seemed they got it. Good. He was tired of their constant shit.

The rest of the morning had gone by without a hitch. Sure, there had been the expected awkward glances here and there and the occasional hint that those two were...a bit closer, as if the weight of a secret was no longer between them. But he wouldn't think too much about that, that was how they should've acted a long time ago. Not that Eric cared in the slightest, but it was a long time coming and it made more sense that they stopped being pussies about their feelings.

By the time lunch arrived, Eric felt much more confident that things wouldn't get too weird after all. Of course they wouldn't be so fucking idiotic to ditch him and Kenny just for some stupid faggy stuff...like...they learned a long time ago now that Eric was their bestest friend, no matter what! So yeah, of course they wouldn't try to exclude him or ditch him. Why had he ever thought so? They knew better.

Once again, they sat with Butters and whatever-his-name that was glued to that idiotic dork. In fact, it wouldn't surprise him if that guy had some sort of gay-ass crush on him, always getting so flustered and blushing when Butters would pay him any kind of attention...

Usually, that little observation was making him feel all smug and amused, happy to see his Butters with someone just as stupid and lame. It meant that the idiot wouldn't be too lonely in his absence, because Eric already had enough on his plate dealing with the poor, the hippie and the jew...even if Butters was more or less a friend, he couldn't waste too much of his precious time on him.

Today however, it brought another wave of unwanted negative emotions he did his best to push away. Which, weird, because Eric thought they would be a cute couple before...so why was it that he was suddenly so angry and frustrated at the idea? Just because it reminded him of...

His dark thoughts were interrupted abruptly. "Hey, we already told Kenny and Cartman, so you two, we also...kinda got news to share with you..." The hippie started awkwardly, his arm going around his fucking faggot jew boyfriend. Eric felt the familiar pit in his stomach growing as he watched them interact.

"Yeah, well...we're a thing now." The stupid ginger continued, finishing the other's thought as they usually did.

"Awwww! That's just the best news ever, don't ya think so, Bradley?! Congratulations, ya both!" The overly-cheerful blond responded almost instantly.

Cartman rolled his eyes and tried his hardest to not lash out. How the fuck dare they remind him of that again, he was eating and he didn't fucking want to think of that right now. As if they were fucking rubbing it in. It didn't make him angry, it was fine, totally. It just made no fucking sense that they would tell Butters of all people?

"Actually..." The shy voice of Butters' shadow added meekly, barely above a whisper, looking around for validation before gathering the courage to finish his words. "B-Butters and I...have...kind of, uh...well, also...b-been...uh..." His stuttering made the already tedious situation even more excruciatingly slow, and it took everything Cartman had to not explode in rage at this unnecessary bullshit.

"We're dating too! Bradley asked me out a bit before Stan's birthday!" Butters finished for his little bitch, in an annoyingly giddy tone. Like that was supposed to make him happy or whatever. Like all his friends suddenly getting an interest in dating each other was just the most natural and normal occurrence ever. No. He was pissed.

What was so fun about couples dating anyway?! It wasn't like it made you happier or whatever...He should know. He could still remember the whole fiasco with Heidi, first she made him think she was on his side, and then suddenly turned into the one bossing him around! And when he got rid of her...well, all his supposed "friends" go on and on about how it was supposedly 'his fault', that he had been 'emotionally abusive' with her and drove her to such a low point...ignoring all the stuff she did that started pushing him in the first place!

So yes, he had an issue with all that romantic crap that everyone else seemed to suddenly find so appealing...Not because he was jealous or anything. Or because he cared about everyone abandoning him for that. That wasn't it. Obviously not...He just...He could just get better friends without any issue. It'd be super fucking easy, in fact. Much easier than the constant pain in the ass that dealing with his idiotic childhood "friends" were. Yeah, so many better people out there...he was certain of that...

"Wow, congrats! I didn't even saw it coming." Stan commented sincerely. How the fuck could he ignore the fucking elephant in the room, the guy had been crushing on Butters since forever!

"I didn't notice either, it's great." Kyle joined the congratulations. Of course they'd ignore what was obvious to anyone who looked at those idiots. Because Stan and Kyle were fucking clueless for anything that wasn't related to their ass.

"Of course...you fuckers are so fucking blind..." Eric scoffed under his breath, the anger rising, as he couldn't hold back anymore. How was it that they all could get in a stupid, fucking romantic, disgusting relationship while he got...left out. It wasn't jealousy or whatever, but...it was not fucking fair.

"Cartman don't start..." The fucking jew started with a tired, annoyed tone. As if he fucking was in the wrong and not those pieces of shit that didn't care for his feelings.

"No you assholes didn't notice that. Of fucking course you didn't. You don't ever notice anything!" Eric lashed out in fury and disdain, his fists clenching. The fucking assholes were ignoring him and not paying attention to his own feelings, they always did this shit...Why would he be nice to them?

"Why are you even getting mad?" It was now the turn of the hippie to use that condescending, self-righteous tone. That asshole knew that Eric hated when people would assume to know stuff better than him...and still dared use it. "What is this about? You've been in a horrible mood all day, eating snacks after snacks as if we wouldn't notice. Is that because of us?"

"Oh wow, nice fucking job on figuring this one out, genius." He spat, glaring back. "As if you guys even fucking care about the consequences of what the fuck you're doing, as if you give a damn about anyone but yourselves." The words came in a low hiss, filled with bitterness. The hypocrisy and idiocy of everyone around was insufferable. They only cared about what made them happy, they never considered him...

"Cartman, come on, you know we care about you." Stan tried, as if it would help. Liar. Liar! They all just acted nice to not look like shitheads, of course they would be so condescending. It was fucking obvious that he was just an extra in their stupid lives...

"Yeah, Stan and Kyle dating won't change anything to our dynamic as friends. Why are you even saying that shit?" Kenny tried to placate him, using that manipulative, sweet tone. But Eric was not an idiot, he wouldn't be fooled.

"You know, maybe if instead of lashing out you would just talk to us...I mean, we all thought you were over that shit now, that your worst phase was behind you! Didn't we got closer these last few years? I know you can be better than that..." Kyle sighed, and that fucking tone. The same one as when he would call Eric out for his actions and words when he was still a kid. "Why are you suddenly back to your bullshit, Eric?"

It was all too fucking much, they couldn't see how that was so goddamn unfair...He couldn't stand it.

"Don't you fucking call me that. You don't get that right, you asshole. Especially not you." He seethed. The ginger didn't had the fucking right to try to lecture him like that and act as if Eric was being the irrational one...

Butters seemed to not know how to act in this whole mess...Of course, as if that moron could have anything helpful to add to the situation. All those assholes were against him, even Kenny...even Butters was more busy being happy with his boyfriend.

They didn't care about him, they never cared!! If he didn't make his feelings heard and respected, who would? It had always been like this, he didn't matter in the eyes of others. Even the three he trusted to always be there...

"Don't start playing the victim! You're the one getting mad out of nowhere just because you're scared you won't get all our attention anymore." Kyle sneered in response, looking at Eric as if he was nothing more than trash.

The fucking redhead had no right to say that. To even imply that...

"Kyle...maybe let it go for now..." Stan interjected in a cautious manner, glancing around at the escalating tension, his hand gently grabbing the other's forearm in a comforting gesture.

Kenny, sensing the explosive energy, added "Dude, Eric, you’re kind of blowing this out of proportion. We’re not against you, okay?" in a calm tone. His eyes silently pleaded with him to stop this argument from spiraling into something that couldn't be undone. Bradley and Butters looked incredibly uncomfortable at being forced to witness this all...

"...Fuck you guys." Eric finally hissed in anger and despair. "If you don't want me around, I'll fucking leave." The words were like poison in his mouth. He had no other choice, those assholes didn't want to make amends...

"What the heck? Cartman, we didn't fucking say that! Stop acting like an entitled piece of shit for no reason." Kyle was frowning and glaring and acting like a know-it-all butthole as usual, his eyes reflecting an icy fire of resentment and judgment. It was not fucking fair.

He knew it, the redhead hated him. He always hated him! Well, good! Eric didn't fucking care if that asshole thought that. The only important part here was that the jew was lying.

"Oh no? You're not implying that your new relationship wouldn't change things at all between us...as if you'll want to hang out at my house when you guys could spend some time faggoting together!" The words came out like venom dripping from his lips. It wasn't supposed to sound that mean or nasty or whatever, he just had a hard time controlling himself and the sudden anger and hurt and jealousy and whatever that were clouding his mind. "...As if you're not already trying to ditch me out!" Eric retaliated defensively, the weight of a deep, unspoken fear lingering beneath the surface.

"Cartman, you're fucking making up an issue for nothing! Of course we'll keep hanging out..." Stan's attempt to reassure him fell flat as he interrupted the black-haired boy mid-sentence.

"Sure, you're gonna say whatever you think would please me! Because you want me to not see through your fucking lies." It was hard to hold back tears of anger and hurt as he continued to push them further away. He didn't fucking want them if it was the way it was supposed to be.

Before he couldn't control it and would end up humiliating himself by showing too much emotion, Eric quickly stood up and grabbed his half-eaten food tray, his grip tight on the cold plastic.

"We're not lying! You're just an idiot who's too scared to actually act like a friend and give a shit for once!" The jew was so fucking insufferable, how the fuck could they even dare?!

Eric wanted to punch that smug face and the only thing stopping him was the knowledge that...well, that Kyle was a fucking violent little shit and he'd be prepared to beat the crap out of him. That asshole.

"Fine. I don't wanna hang out with liars anyway." He retorted with all the contempt he could gather, slamming his tray in the bin with a force he didn't expect before storming off from his so-called "friends".

It wasn't like he needed them anyway, fuckers.

***

After Cartman left, the group of friends stayed silent for a while, looking at each other awkwardly, the tension from the argument still hanging heavily in the air, their lunch laid abandoned as their stomachs twisted with unease. Stan could see that Kyle was feeling a bit guilty for being so harsh while Kenny seemed frustrated at not finding the words to defuse the situation, Butters looked genuinely worried about their friend's abrupt departure, a slight crease forming in his brow, and Bradley seemed uncomfortable, glancing between his boyfriend and his other classmates nervously.

Finally, Stan cleared his throat and broke the uncomfortable silence that had descended upon them, trying to reassure Butters, his voice tinged with a hint of concern, but not wanting to cause further agitation, especially with how Kyle and Kenny were clearly also worried for the fat boy's well-being. "Don't worry too much about Cartman, Butters...he can get really...you know. Like that, when he's stressed. But he always comes back..." He said softly.

"Yeah, Cartman...is not great when he feels cornered or like his life isn't in control, he tends to lash out or blame everyone around for his issues. But usually he gets over it eventually and stops being such a jerk. Sometimes he even realizes he's been a piece of shit and apologize." Kyle chimed in, a hint of frustration in his tone. "I probably shouldn't have snapped so easily back at him..."

"Probably, yeah. But you know...I think this time it might be more serious." Kenny hesitated, his expression thoughtful and troubled.

"What do you mean Ken?" Stan looked at the other in concern.

"Well...Remember what I told you yesterday? I think he's scared of getting abandoned by all his friends. It's not like he got a lot of close friends outside the three of us and maybe Butters, like...even if he got better, most people get tired of his bullshit after a while, you know? Sure he can be fun and act cool, and even have people following him or doing whatever stupid shit he planned and wanted to do but..." He bit his lips and sighed deeply. "But Cartman never had real close friends besides us...we all kinda grew up together and...I mean, there's always been something special and fucked up between the four of us. No one can quite compare, and he knows it."

"Yeah...even if you fellas are my friends too, it's true that I feel a bit like an...outsider sometimes. Not necessarily in a mean way but...it's the four of you, and there's not really room for more, I think? Not in that way..." Butters nodded and confirmed what Kenny had been implying.

The two others looked down at the table, knowing how right that observation was, they all shared such a profound bond that others just couldn't quite understand or comprehend, their friendship unique and inexplicable. It had always been the four of them, Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and...Eric Theodore Cartman.

"I know you two said nothing will change but..." Kenny trailed off, his concern evident in his voice as he looked between them with a cautious gaze, trying not to seem judgmental or reproachful. "Well, I hope it won't. Because Cartman isn't gonna be the only one to suffer if you two start acting all too much in love in our face."

"I can promise you that it won't change anything. We'll be the same, even if Stan and me are a thing, I don't want that to have any influence on our group." Kyle declared firmly with a look in his eyes that radiated determination, as he squeezed Stan's hand tightly as if to seal his promise.

The two boys looked at each other, their gazes unwavering and steadfast, an unspoken commitment flowing between them.

"Now that it's said...What do we do to convince Cartman of that?" Stan inquired cautiously. The task at hand would be difficult and required a thoughtful approach, but with their determination and shared purpose, they would face it together.